#i don't want go back to my childhood at all but adulting still sucks

[penrose-quinn]

Reminded again that adulting sucks sometimes. And I miss them too 😔.

Don't be fooled by how sweet this is bc this convo doesn't actually end well :')

[couldeatthatgirlforlunch]

YAY I can bother you again! \:D/ /jk

Anyways I consider asking my favorite writers stuff as my therapy, so here I go. (Sorry if this is sudden or traumatizing)

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I feel so bad for saying this but I'm most attracted to any batfam member (adult obvi) when they are at their worst, Bruce and his pathetic angsty ass literally all the time? Let's make a Robin.

Angry Dick with a cheerful facade trying to just be Bruce's equal? Bra is unclipped.

Post pit Jason so angry and mercilless feeling betrayed (any iteration but mostly Arkahm knight) and vengful? Baby I'm yours.

Fanon Tim who is sleep deprived and stalkerish? I'll strip in front of any security camara in Gotham.

Stephanie feeling she needs to prove herself? Please let me top you.

Insecure about his powers Duke? Sudenly I'm a physical meta expert, please show me those abs.

Cassandra thinking she is only capable of damaging? Honey put your hands on me, I assure you it will be anything but unpleasant.

Damian after "accidentally" killing Dick? Hello my name is beloved!

Don't feel bad about it!! I'm just the same and there's nothing wrong with us!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, pathetic wet cats who would just curl in my lap and rant or cry while I indulge them and they become dependent on me and only me??

Battinson is my favorite Batman from the movies bc hello???? I mean I get it why people liked Bale but like???? A guy who's been traumatized for 20 years and got to the point of making an armour to fight against criminals unrelated to the ones that took his parents bc he got so sad that he reflected enough that he came to the conclusion that no one should ever feel like he did, and he would use his entire life to stop crime because people deserved better, even the worst criminals shouldn't die bc they can change or other people might be miserable if they miss him?? And he's ready to die for that!! He doesn't care!! And then he becomes a parent but he sucks at parenting bc he loves them but he never learned how to love?? BABY I CAN TEACH YOU

Jason at under the red hood or as Arkham Knight??? YOU CAN KEEP KILLING PEOPLE IF THAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER BABE, especially if you keep me around bc we dated before you died/got tortured for months/years, kidnap me, love me, make me yours, I don't think killing your pops is gonna help you feel better, but no nagging will come from me I SWEAR

Fanom Tim being so neglected by his parents that he doesn't think his physical and psychological suffering is important, the fact that he obsessed over his childhood heroes, putting himself in danger, practically deciding that he was going to help them, not bc "I wanna be a hero and I can so I should be" but bc "I don't have much to lose, we all need you, and I want to help you, bc you're all I have!!!" and caring so much that he tries to clone his bff when he dies, and almost dies just to bring his dad and hero back, bc he cares about others more than he cares about himself??? Baby I'm right here!!!!

ANY Damian angst, Damian sad over Dick, over Bruce, over Talia, all while pretending he's just angry, I love him!! Damian that just wants to make them proud!! Damian that wants to be good!! To be on their level!! To be powerful!! To be good enough!! I love love love him!!! I'm with you no matter if you're a hero, a villain, or an antihero!! Damian Wayne, you will always be famous.

Dick swallowing his traumas, his emotions, breaking down at any opportunity, feeling responsible for everyone and destroying himself bc of it!! His relationship with Bruce never being quite the same after he became Nightwing, but they still know, deep inside, that they would come running if the other asked for help, but they never do. And Dick sometimes doesn't even know if Bruce sees him as his son!! And he's sad bc of it, but he can't show it bc how do you tell someone that?!?!?!

Steph thinking she's never gonna be enough, that she needs to prove herself, when this feeling never goes away, bc it's more about you than others? YES YES YES

Cassie!! Don't feel guilty about your past babygirl!!! It wasn't your fault!! You're just a victim!! They even took your voice from you!! Come spoon me and you'll feel better!!!

You're perfect Duke!! You're amazing and cool and handsome and there's nothing wrong with you!! You have the most awsesome powers ever!! Now come here let me look into those brown eyes and lets make out.

Seeing characters that are just so unreal but we can relato to, watch them suffer, feel joy in it!! I'm just like you and you're just like me! Be mine!!

This is about DC, but I'm an invincible, the boys and Marvel fan too. I'm drooling seeing Invincible and Rex Splode at their most toxic or weak moments! I love seeing homelander, soldier boy and the deep being so pathetic that they HAVE TO make it everyone's problem!! On my Winter Soldier brain rot I was constantly going over and over again on the same scenes watching this man be sad and miserable and covered in blood and not having autonomy of his own body and being alone!! Of course I got sad, but we can be sad together!!

Anyway, I love receiving fun and easy asks like that (I'm unreasonably happy that you called me one of your favs), I closed the asks bc I was just feeling I little overwhelmed with anxiety, college, future and the amount of requests I was receiving even if I knew I didn't have to write every fanfic idea people sent me and can just write what inspires me in the moment, be it something people asked, or some inspiration that came for me from another place

[ceasarslegion]

I know this is like. An unpopular stance to have (as if i dont have enough of those) but i wish we could just bring back terms like "loser" and phrases like "suck it up" instead of pretending that one's circumstances are never ever their own fault and it's always something else.

And before you start claiming things about my politics here, i am very much not saying that homeless people ever deserve to be homeless or that racial, gender, disability, and general minority discrimination doesn't exist in the world and the workplace.

What I am saying is that I have experienced a few too many people who just. Seem to absolutely refuse to help themselves and then blame it on the economy, or their identity, calling their parents loaded terms like "abusive" for asking their adult children still living in their childhood bedrooms if theyre going to at least try to get a job or improve their circumstances. I've experienced a few too many folks who just give up and roll over the second something is a little uncomfortable or scary that they could have accomplished if they well, sucked it up, and then go on to complain about how its all the fault of other things.

I'm not saying it's not hard. I'm not saying there aren't other factors that may make it harder for you to do. I'm not saying that your worth as a person is diminished if you don't do x.

I'm saying that if you don't even fucking TRY the moment it's not handed to you by others anymore, it's a little misguided to always blame the resulting lack of social mobility and accomplishment on other people and things, and it's a bit presumptuous to act like you are never at any fault for your own circumstances just because of [insert factor here]. I hate to break this to you but youre going to have to put effort into your life if you want it to get better. That doesnt mean its always going to work out but if you dont even try because you give up the moment it gets hard then well. The last thing i want to hear from you is constant complaining about circumstances youre doing nothing to improve

[prettypinkporkchop]

-3 years ago-

Jake groans while standing up from fixing the new engine in his old red truck. "So, who is Bella?" You ask, picking up a tool and examining it. He smiles at you, grabbing it from your hand. "Just a childhood friend. She hasn't been here or really with Charlie in a long time." He sighs. "Is this someone I should be concerned about?" You raise an eyebrow. He shakes his head and then kisses your forehead. "Nope." He walks away.

---NOW---

Oh, but you should have been worried. He was up her ass. You went from a teen and in love to an adult and watching everything fall apart. All of his friends have separated. Jake and Quil are the last of them. The others joined Sam's gang. That's the last you've seen or heard from them. You moved away for a job that did not feel right.

You park your car in the driveway to your old house. Your eyelids are heavy, considering you've been driving for nearly seven hours. You barely slept the night before because of anxiety. The front door opens, and it's your old guardian.(can be anyone for you).

After settling back into your old bedroom, you climb in the bed and attempt to rest some more. "Y/n! You have a visitor!" You groan and push yourself up.

You walk towards the open front door.

Of course. It's Jacob Black. Short hair and a tattoo. You're not so surprised. You're not even mad about the teenage love drama anymore. You just hope the dude isn't in any drugs or gang related shit because of Sam.

You look up at him and lean on the door frame. "Long time, no see, Black." You smile. He just stands there, staring. It seems like he's in shock. His eyes are wide open, and his eyebrows are raised. "I know. I'm still super hot." You joke. Saying this brings him back, shaking his head and then smiling. "Hey y/n. Small town noise, ya know. I heard you were back, and I just wanted to say 'hi'." He tucks his hands in his pockets. "Thank you? I mean, not that I mind you being here, but why is it important to say hi to me?" You giggle awkwardly. "Also, I'm not mad. We were kids. But, how's your lady, Bella?" He sucks in a breath. "Uh, yeah, about that. She's with the weirdo Edward Cullen. They're married now." He chuckles.

"Oh, I'm sorry." You awkwardly say. Deep down, you're singing JoJo Siwas Karma. But, at the same time, you're over all of it. But truthfully, you don't care. "It's not a problem. I've learned some lessons."

"Yeah, which made you join Sam's gang?" You raise your eyebrow with a smirk. "It's not a gang. It's a lot more than that. No drugs like we thought. We are just helping people and each other."

You don't respond. "Well, how about we catch up? I'm sure my people would love to see you again." He smiles. "Eh, I mean, it'd be nice to see your dad. I just don't want to bring back memories I've worked so hard to let go of." He frowns, and you can see the guilt wash over him. "I have some things to say. I really think it'll be worth your time. Everything will make sense."

You think and then nod, "Okay. When do you want to go?"

He perks up with a grin. "Now, I mean, whenever you are ready!" He pipes up.

"Look who's back. Couldn't stay away from Jake, could you?" Embry nudges you. You roll your eyes. "You haven't changed a bit." You laugh. "Hey! That's the joys of being an imprint. The universe always brings you back."

"Embry." Jacob glares at him. "Imprint? What?" You look at them. Embry raises his eyebrows. "Oh. My bad, cuh." He runs away. "Damn it."

A couple weeks later:

"DAMN IT!" You scream and drop the knife in the sink. A stinging pain runs through your whole hand even though the cut is just your middle finger. Blood drips into the sink. You try to keep it away from the food you are cooking. "What? What is it?" Jacob runs to you. He grabs your arm and looks over your hand. "Oh, baby." He wraps a paper towel around your finger. He kisses the top of your head. "Are you going to be okay?" He anxiously looks over your face. You nod through the pain. It's not deep enough for medical attention.

"Come on." He brings you over to the first aid cabinet. He wraps your finger and kisses your forehead. "I'll finish cooking." He presses a quick kiss to your lips. You lean up and press a lingering kiss on his lips. One that he melts into. He presses your back against the counter and has his hands on your waist.

His phone starts buzzing on the table. "UGH. What the hell." He goes to see who it is. "Bella." He groans and declines the call. "She's been blowing up my phone. Something about Edward getting her pregnant. I don't know. I don't care. It's not my problem." He laughs. You smile at him and walk up to him. You grab onto his shirt and pull him down, attacking his lips.

He groans and bites your bottom lip. "You trying to tell me something?" He breathes out before kissing your neck.

"Mhm."

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Never Grow Up is a sad song and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

Wish I'd never grown up I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up Wish I'd never grown up Could still be little Oh, I don't wanna grow up Wish I'd never grown up It could still be simple

How is that not the saddest thing ever. I get Robin is thematically the same, but it feels less sad because yes, he will grow up and he will have to face the realities of the world, but if his childhood was good he will have developed the resiliency needed to face the world as he gets older (you'll learn to bounce back like your trampoline). Whereas Never Grow Up is the kid who wanted to grow up, did grow up, and realized being an adult isn't fun, kind of sucks, and they just want to go back to being a child.

I am right there with you on Never Grow Up being a sad song. It gave me pause a few years ago when it was all over Instagram reels for families/kids cause I was like... Um... it's not a "aw we want them to stay little because they're so cute!!! 🥰" story, it's a "I'm so traumatized hurt by what I've been through that I wish I could go back in time to before it happened."

I don't want to pit Robin and Never Grow Up against each other because I love them both for different reasons, but I think the poignancy in them kind of stems from a similar well but goes in different directions. In both, the narrator's own pain comes through the world she's building for the child. But the difference is, I think, that in Robin, she's singing to the child and is vowing to try to help this child stay as innocent as long as possible. She's pouring all this love and loss and wisdom into a child she loves and who is loved by everyone in their life.

Whereas in Never Grow Up, she may be singing to a child, but it's clear she's singing to herself. It's the "I just realized everything I've ever had is one day going to be gone" of it all, which is why all the memories she lists are so heartbreaking. It's someone on the cusp of adulthood who's like, confronting the fragility of life. It's incredibly heavy for what on the surface sounds like a lullaby.

Or, to put it bluntly: Wish I'd never grown up -> Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for refusing to join my dad's bootcamp?

I am adult, and F. When I was still a toddler, my dad (T) got thrown out of the house by the head of family (i don't actually think i'm related to the head of family? it's more like three or four large families living in the same place tbh) because he had killed a guy (intentionally) and disabled a girl for life (accidentally - well she wasn't the one he was targeting).

Anyway, I didn't know that when T came back at the head of his own group of families (he'd basically been chosen by another, already formed group, to take over their head of family who had died of sickness) and he asked that my twin brother (B, same age as me, at the time we were teens) and I join him because we were his children and it was only fair. Nothing was said about our mom being allowed to come too or anything? It was a bit fishy and people refused to let us go anyway.

But the thing is, ever since T had been banished, the whole group/family has been treating B and I like complete, utter garbage. The only person who treated us well was our mom. B even got an adult assigned to watching over him so he didn't because some psycho killer or something, just because he looks like our dad ig. Now, having an adult watching over each child as they are teens is a thing in the group i'm in, it's not shocking, but there's a relationship based on trust supposed to be born of this care, and here it was the contrary, so it sucked. PLUS! We didn't know why we were being treated like that, because no one told us what had happened to our dad! The adult who didn't trust B only took us aside when we were like 12 to explain to us that the guy was a monster. And he only did it because our dad had been trying to contact us and he wanted us to hear our family's side of the story before T's.

When I was around 15, I snuck away in the middle of the night to join my dad because i was sick of the bullying/harassment/mistrust. When it became public, B was put on the spot (he didn't know i'd left for that either) and refused to join me, which stung but you know. That's his choice and I respect him. It seems that everyone trusts him much more now that he's made a public display of loyalty.

When I came to live with T, I realized he was, actually, a complete POS and I shouldn't have come. But also, people in his group actually treated me well, so I didn't regret my choice. When T realized I didn't want to become a mini version of him, we became rather distant, until he left the group entirely (through no choice of his, may i add).

I learned later that, before I joined his group, he found a side chick with whom he had twins too, but she left before he knew she was pregnant. I learned that when she outed the boy twin (H, at the time a young adult, he's what... twleve years younger than us?) as T's son at a public gathering, like six months ago.

Since then, I've learned that T has been rekindling contact with B and H, when he took contact with me too. He basically tried to persuade all three of us (no sign of his other daughter, but she's in medschool so i suppose that's not the profile he was looking for) to join his bootcamp in which he'd teach us how to become "better versions of ourselves". Because he's an AH and because I've been learning all these years since he left that I shouldn't build my life around what others want me to be, I refused to join his bootcamp, and I advised B to refuse too (i'm not close enough from H to give him this kind of advice).

But now i'm thinking that, since he couldn't spend our childhoods with any of us, maybe he's just trying to keep in contact, you know, through teaching us and bonding with us, with sports and workout being the only things he knew how to do so that's what he focused on. Maybe I'm making a mistake, and seeing, as an adult, what he's like, would give me more perspective? What if i'm being as narrow minded as the bullies from my childhood? IDK what to do.

AITA for not joining my dad's bootcamp?

[makoodles]

I like you, so please let me write down this goofy idea I had.

So two best friends, he na'vi, she's human.

Been bestie since childhood, always together, even if both parents weren't happy about it.

Her parents didn't like she picked out so many "animalistic" traits from the na'vis and didn't like her staying in the forest all day basically half naked.

His parents didn't like because, well she was a demon, that it.

They didn't care, they were friends no matter what.

During the years, he began to grown feelings for her, and he started noticing how boys were around her.

They were flirty with her, with his human.

And jealousy started bulding up slowly inside of him.

He hated how guys would have look at her, searched for the naked points in her body, chatting and touching her arms and hands in the meanwhile.

But what he was supposed to do? Being toxic and possesive? About a girl that wasn't even his? He didn't certely wanted to ruin anything they had.

So? He sucked it up.

She was so done with him.

She had feelings for him since the day her period came at 11, it was a rainy day the day before, so the forest was still a little bit humidit.

He noticed the blood, and quickly made a sort of diaper with leaves for her.

Then he rushed her to hell gates, only to be laughed by all the adults.

Always so caring for her, no matter what, so sweet and innocent.

How could she not fall for him?

She knew he proved the same, when he saw how boys looked at her, he looked the same way she looked when na'vi girls talked or touched him.

Jealousy.

One day as they were out in the forest, they were hunting down a little animal, so his siblings back home could eat their favourite meat.

'so caring of him going on a hunt only for his little siblings, he would be such a good dad I'm sure' she thinks

' so caring of her, coming with me on this boring hunt, although she loves see my siblings happy, she would be such a good mom' he thinks

As they walk, the trope of love is being put in their conversation.

His parents want him to find a mate before his 24 year of life, her parents - especially her dad - don't want her to go near a boy, let alone having a husband.

And In some ways the trope about guys being flirty with her comes.

He becomes tense and his mood change, and she starts to get annoyed at him.

She is so frustrated that she says "you are blind by jealousy, you don't see i have love only for you"

It takes a few seconds for they both realise what she said.

And then starts a long conversation, the animal they were traking at this point had a family on it own.

They relationship evols, now they are together but in secret.

He spents all day making gift with his siblings for her, using the excuse they only wanted to make it for her, which was also true.

She spent all day learing long poems, telling them to him when she saw him, making him fell even harder.

Their first kiss is in her room, they were doing absolute nothing, talking about everything and nothing.

Then he kissed her, the kiss was sweet and calm.

And stoped only when he had to take a breath of the pandorian air.

They kissed many times afterwards-

And one day, they programmed their first time.

No special occasion, not the day the got together or the day the first kissed.

Not one of their birthdays or one of their favourite milestones.

A simple day of april.

They place was decided to be inside hell gates, were she could breath without problems, and he anyway only had to breath pandorian air every 2 or so minutes.

She jokes that by that time they would have already finished, and he felled of the branch they were on when she told him the joke.

Finding it so funny he almost broke his head.

No one was there that day, there was a celebration at the village and all humans were invited.

They all got there, but not those two.

She said she felt a little of a cold coming and preferred staying home for the day.

He said he would have go to listen in another place, far from his family, he was now an adult he couldn't possibly stay anymore with his family during this ceremonies.

She made him sneak in.

They read all they could -she did, he couldn't read- about sex and first times.

And in some web there was the hint that, showering first would lube and hurted less.

So she took a shower, and he watched.

Admiring her naked body for the first time, every cut and scratch were made with him.

Every little hair on her body, made him excited.

Every little mark of beauty or not - even if for him all marks on her were beautiful- made him want to kiss them.

He help her hop in the shower, and watch as she carefully put soap on her.

For then to flush under the water.

She jokingly put her mouth under the sources of water, who felled in her mouth.

Like she was drinking raining water from the leaves of plants in the forest.

He joined too, playinfully.

Until their tongues met under the water, and they started this passionate kiss.

He pick her up, she was still wet and had barely anytime to stop the water.

He directed them to her bedroom, where he place her in her bed, kissing every inch of her body.

Every mark, cut, scratch and tiny hair.

"You sure you wanna do this here? Is also you virginity" she said and he looked at her lovely, loving how she was worried for him and how she only wanted to make him comfortable too.

"Yes, my love" he said before kissing down her entrance.

Starting licking and sucking, he had no idea of what he was doing but her pretty moans told him to continue.

Pulling away from that sweetness that was her, was almost killing for him.

A breath in and a breath out.

She kissed him, and he made her taste herself thanks to his tongue.

A big breath from both of them.

And it was in.

Half not fully.

Still blood came out and he felt himself choke down there.

The movements came only after a while.

Poor her, taking such a big size and having to adjust quickly.

Even if for him, they had all the time in the world she was worried someone might have caught them.

She was worried that if they were caught, he would have been hated by the clan.

Her paranoia speaked.

Seeing her struggling, he kissed her hands, breaths, face, ears, everything he could kiss (without causing her to much unnecessary pain) was kissed.

Every praise that come in his mind too.

" You doing the best love " "look at you taking me so well, i love you " "im all yours" " mmh...you are so good, you are doing so good thank you my love " " such a good little thing " "i see you"

After finishing, he kissed her more.

Doing the famous after care, who she like much apperntly.

Then, carefully always carefully, he pick her up and go back to the bathroom, were he showered her.

Making her stay still even if her legs wanted to get down.

Because he knew he had to make sure they wouldn't have been caught.

He made her dress back.

Clean after what they did and then made her lay down on the bed, before going she asked for a kiss, which he happily gave.

"You are mine and I'm yours"

So what do you think? This is silly.

this is so pure oh my god 😭

the childhood friends to lovers trope! AHHHH so so cute, i literally can't 🥺 the whole step by step through their relationship 😭

[apostateoverrubies]

You know, I am fucking grateful that I was born in the 2000s. Like, the only fucking decade I wouldn't mind being born in is the fucking 1990s and that's purely because the internet would still be there just in time to shape me as a person.

I don't want to be that fucking person who thinks they want to be born in decades like the 80s, 70s, 60s etc because I know I'm purely in it for the aesthetic.

If I were born around those decades, I'd be a much different person and I would hate the person I'd become.

This is why I hate it when people from older generations romanticize their childhoods, talking about how everything was so good and everyone was so nice to each other etc.

When I look back at my childhood with what I know now, I realize there are a lot of fucked up things about it.

How Christianity has been shoved down our throats since preschool even though it wasn't tied to any church and some children weren't Christian at all.

How my dad beat me mercilessly with a belt because I was unable to recite Gentle Jesus on my own. Prayer is important was his reasons. But I was still in preschool.

How grown-ups would threaten to cut off my thumb because I hadn't yet stopped sucking it.

How I was pretty much allowed to not do anything up until my late primary school years yet the grown-ups in my life blamed me for their lack of effort.

How I only had one true friend in primary school because contrary to what some adults would have you believe, not everyone was friendly and kind, especially when you were the weird kid.

I can go on and on because it doesn't end there.

Sure, I have my gripes on certain things about this generation and there are things about my childhood I love.

But I'm grateful that folks in my generation and the ones after have internet access. It's not perfect obviously. Plenty of bad stuff happen on the internet.

But it was thanks to that internet access that I was able to be the person I am now. Because when the internet is good, it's REALLY good.

I've met my dearest friends on there, I found tutorials that help me improve my skills, I found things that challenged the views my culture tried to force down my throat that led to me not only coming to terms with and embracing my sexuality and femininity.

I recently left religion behind because I was able to learn how much it didn't make sense and conflicted with my morals.

I was able to become more compassionate than I had ever been I could see the injustices people have to suffer and I learned to understand people I would've scoffed at if not outright discriminated against.

Anyways, I'm done rambling now. It's funny how people think the internet makes us appreciate life less but I am so fucking grateful for being alive right now.

[noah-moth-cursed-chaos]

Delphine was idly preparing for events to come when she heard Azaril Avalaron reenter the secret room.

She turned to see if he actually looked presentable enough to enter a sophisticated establishment and-

Well.

He cleaned up well.

It even looked like he'd shaved.

He still needed to do something with all that damn hair however. Don't get her wrong it doesn't look bad, there was a certain appeal to it. But. It'd get in his face while he was fighting and this would already be dangerous enough.

"So? Am I up to your standards?" He asked, giving the outfit a little spin.

"The outfit looks decent on you, but your hair needs work." She stated.

"What's wrong with my hair?" He sounded affronted, "I like my hair."

"It looks nice, but if you're found out, you're going to need to be able to fight without it in your eyes. You'll already be fighting at closer quarters than you're used to, it's best not to put yourself at any further of a disadvantage."

"I'll put it in a ponytail then." He said, turning towards the stairs, likely to grab a hairtie from his other clothing.

"Sit down."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm doing your hair, Avalaron, sit down."

"On the floor?"

"Or go back upstairs and sit on my bed, your choice. But I'm doing your hair."

"... Fine." He went upstairs and she followed. He sat on the edge of her bed, and she kicked off her shoes, grabbed her brush, and sat behind him.

There was silence between the two for a couple minutes, before Delphine decided to take this rare... Calm moment to maybe get to know her most valuable ally a little better.

"So, what draws someone like you to the thieve's guild anyway?"

"I told you, I'm not part of that anymore."

"Yeah but, why were you? I'm not attacking you, Azaril. I'm curious." She didn't often call him his first name, but maybe it'd make him feel less defensive, for once.

"... It's. A stupid story."

"I want to hear it. We have nothing better to talk about."

He went silent for a moment before, "I uhm... I was found as a baby on the doorstep of Honorhall Orphanage." Oh she didn't know his whole life story was involved. Well. Might as well take her sweet time doing his hair then. "I never had any idea who my parents were, or why they didn't want me. I stopped caring eventually, if they never cared enough to reach out why should I care enough to look I guess... But uhm... I was. The only elf at the orphanage." There was a slight pause, "... I. Got used to watching the other kids outgrow me I guess? They ended up adults and I was barely older. New kids would end up there, they'd either get adopted or age out, and then they'd find their own lives, probably somewhere far from Riften."

"... And leave you behind?"

"... Yeah." His voice was softer, it wasn't the same exactly, but she did know the pain of being the last one standing. She could almost imagine over decades, again and again, Azaril saying goodbye to people he knew wouldn't remember him as much as he would them.

It had to be a lonely childhood.

"When I was uh. 40 I think, Grelod the Kind took over the orphanage... She doesn't deserve the name, let's just say."

"So I've heard."

"Whatever you heard, she's probably worse than the stories." He chuckled, pausing, "... It. Sucked. There were a couple other kids there at the time who I had been really close with, but most of them were close to aging out. I was particularly close with this one guy, I remember the week before he left he swore to me he was going to find a way to take me with him. I didn't believe him at the time."

"But he did?"

"He managed to get a letter to me, told me that if I could find the thieve's guild and manage to convince them I was grown, I'd have a roof over my head and a job." Azaril said, "... At the time I had a pretty extreme baby face, and nobody in charge believed for a second I was an adult. But they let me stay, had me do cleaning and stuff to earn my keep, and taught me how to be a thief." He took a deep breath, "The uh-leader and second are probably the closest thing to parents I ever had."

Delphine went silent for a moment, before, softly, "That must have hurt to walk away from."

"I didn't want to." He mumbled, "I got chased out. The leader died and the second went missing and well-the third took over and he... I think he had something to do with the leader's death, he said the second was responsible but I at least don't think she acted alone if she was... And he realized I was onto him." He paused, "I... Ran to Solstheim for a while to get away... Came back... I dunno, to try and start a new life? Find a home? I've failed pretty miserably, clearly."

She went silent for a moment, staring at the now finished braid.

Her voice was softer when she spoke again, she hadn't previously realized just how alone the dragonborn must be. Somehow you'd expect someone with a title like that to have it all figured out, but he was just as afraid and isolated as she was.

"You could have a home here."

Azaril laughed bitterly, "Don't lie to me, Delphine."

"You could. If we manage to put a stop to the dragons so there's a world to have a home in, but you could. Riverwood isn't anything grand, it's certainly no place for a thief but. You're not a thief anymore. And you could be a blade, I think. Just put down the bottle a bit more often."

"... Thank you."

"How does the braid feel? Did I make it too tight?"

"No, it's nice." He got up, "I guess I have a party to crash, huh?" She gave a curt nod.

"Stay safe, Azaril."

[barryhotter]

what are your thoughts on draco in your barrycanon? can we get some musings on harry's childhood too? love ur brain btw x

barrycanon... kiss me anon.

putting a cut because i have a LOT of thoughts

HMM... i'm more of a harry potter supremacist, but draco malfoy is mostly like himself in canon but without much of the assholery. heavy on MUCH, because he is an asshole at heart, and harry's a closeted asshole so honestly

extremely dramatic, loves bitching to harry about milk subsitutes in the super market ("Have these people ever heard of almond milk without an aftertaste?"), and i think he grew his hair out a teeeeensy bit. just about to his neck, keeping it that way so harry can play with it. adorable.

i know you didn't ask about this, but i can never shut up so here we go! draco's childhood wasn't necessarily abusive, but neglectfully enabling, if you understand me?

his parents cared about him, persay, but in the way that they would just throw whatever he wanted at him if he had a tantrum. Young Draco was very very used to getting his way, and Lucius was very prone to giving it to him just to be done with it, so he isn't used to hearing no.

Him and his pureblood friends had childhoods consisting of running about manor houses, kicking house elves around and tutoring sessions in a library or a drawing room. Children are sponges, so the derogatory language Draco heard at the dinner table from his father had sunk into his mind as the right thing to say, and he didn't realise the contrary until it was too late.

I feel like lucius didn't OUTRIGHT say "muggleborns suck" but draco could use context clues from the nauseated scrunch of his nose and the offhand racist comments made at Sunday lunch while he read the Daily Prophet, you get the idea.

That's why he tries to sugarcoat it when he first meets Harry in Madam Rosmertas - "I don't think they should let the other sort in, do you?" he's not OUTWARDLY racist but the idea's still there. But Harry obviously doesn't get wizard racism, and friends him anyway.

In his Hogwarts years (in my mind) he doesn't shout slurs out like he did in canon but he just can't treat Hermione the same. He compliments Hermione's obvious academic overcompensation and thirst to succeed with a "You're good for a muggleborn" and even harrys like dude what the hell man

i don't have much to comment on adult draco because even my fingers get tired of typing about imaginary gay wizards but i WILL get back to you!!!

Harry's childhood was clearly abusive, even in canon. Any attempts at being anything than a helping hand around the house was responded to by him being shut up in a cupboard for god knows how long. He spent a lot of his time making friends with spiders and any bugs that managed to wriggle into his cupboard.

He spent crucial development years in isolation or extreme abuse or bullying. He doesn't warm up to people very easily and isn't the best trained on how to interact with them. He often mimicks the speech patterns of people around him to fit in for subconscious fear of being casted out for any abnormalities in the way he behaves.

Obviously with his extreme isolation he doesn't understand that the way he grew up wasn't normal. He had the clear idea that this wasn't "love" in his head, but even as a teenager he can't grasp the concept of just... living. Chilling around your house and NOT having to be doing some menial hard labour for simply relaxing.

He doesn't get bought anything, so he has a lot of "overdue" library books sitting on his shelf which never have and never will be returned. Absolute criminal.

When he's given his first proper christmas present by ron, he doesn't understand that it's HIS. i think that the way he just absorbed it was kinda unrealistic but i will touch on that later!

Also! Not asked but, after all the shebang with voldemort happens, Harry is a professional quidditch player. I don't make the rules i fear....

Bye bye now hug hug kiss kiss

[absolutelyfibulas]

Had a lil cry, then fell asleep on sofa for three hours by accident lol. I wasn't particularly close to my aunt, but she was the only aunty I had who was really recurring in my life from childhood (my dad's side are all very sporadic in interaction etc), so it's a bit...yeah :(

Details under cut

I got a text on Tuesday from mum to say my aunty'd had a fall. Then she phoned me about an hour later to tell me that, after said fall, my cousin had noticed a few signs of stroke and called mum for advice (mum being a former nurse). Mum talked to Aunty, and was like "yeah she's had a stroke, get her to hospital etc".

Paramedics got her to hospital where she quickly got worse, to the extent my mum travelled to Yorkshire to be with her. Apparently Aunt had 4 strokes, and they were basically told they'd just have to wait the next 2 days to know whether she was going to get better or worse.

She was stable Tues night, and woke up Weds, but was very muddled and unable to swallow or talk (though she was trying to). She was also forgetting who people were, then knowing who they were intermittently. One step forward, one step back, according to my mum. She wasn't getting worse, but she also wasn't improving, and they were sort of stuck seeing if she'd at least stabilise in the next 24 hours.

Mum texted me today to tell me she worsened overnight, and has now been put on the Liverpool pathway (pain meds to make her comfy but no more direct medical intervention), so now it's just waiting. Which sucks.

I'm mostly worried about my mum at this point, because she's going to be alone. Sort of. She's got us, obviously, but her parents both died when she was a young adult, and her older brother died really suddenly in his early 40s. The only other person from her childhood left is her sister, and her cousin - who lives in the US and has her own health problems making it unlikely she'll ever travel out the country again.

I know she'll dwell on this somewhat, and the fact it came out of nowhere (again, given how sudden her brother's death was) is...rough. My aunt had her own mental health issues, and atrial fibrillation which significantly increases the risk of stroke, but she was otherwise quite healthy, alert, and mostly independent. Then bam.

Brings up all the old existential stuff and anxiety, I guess. Mum does at least have us, and dad lost his brother last year so they can support one another through that (though I was less concerned on the loneliness front with dad because he still has 4 other siblings left). My cousin's (Cousin 1) kids are all scattered/unreliable, and her brother (Cousin 2) is a shithead. So they're probably going to have a rougher time, which I have no strong feelings about tbh. Cousin 1 I don't particularly like, but respect that she actually stuck by her mum for years and did her best to support and care for her. Cousin 2 fucked off after his parents divorced to leech money off his daddy, then only went crawling back after my Aunt got a big payment from the divorce.

Which brings me to the one silly petty thing about all this: I'm a little bit salty that she's not going to outlive her shitty abusive ex-husband. Like, okay, yes, his life was ruined by their divorce and everything (which, without derailing into a whole other topic, he completely fucking deserved lol), but I kind of wanted her to be able to see him out.

I dunno man, it's just been a rough week. This comes after me having to chase medical test results that came back clear - only now I have a potential new symptom which points right back to my initial concern...which my GP dismissed out of hand due to my blood test results. (I may have a goitre. Fun, right?)

Then mum decided to message me and my sister family health history the day before this happened. Which, y'know. Dad's side has the CADASIL gene, and my mum's side has a lot of Sudden Deaths, though doesn't seem to be related to anything genetic (they're all different causes). Just brings home the passage of time, and aging and dying and all that shite.

[alolapokemon]

Hello, Alolan here. Well, I've lived in Johto since I was 11, I have a bit of a problem.

I want to do the island challenges, I really do. I started them, in fact, when I was eleven, got my partner pokemon (Litten) and started but soonly after my family moved to Johto for personal reasons and I couldn't continue.

If I was as young as I was back then, and had an opportunity to come back, I would have done them in an instant, but I never was able to.

And the problem is im already in my thirties, I have gotten old. I was intending to go continue with my life without doing them, but theres an Alola shaped hole in my heart I can't really seem to cure. I thought moving back to Melemele would fix it, but it didn't seem to work.

I crave the childhood I loss when I moved out of Alola, and everything I missed out on. But I know its not appropiate for a thirty year old man to embarc in such journey, but I still wonder if I can pick up where I left twenty years ago.

Sorry if this a stupid question or anything, im just really troubled about the whole ordeal. Thanks.

I totally hear your plight and it sucks to lose the opportunity to pursue the trials.

You are already an adult. The trials are a coming of age ceremony. Taking on the island challenge is a door that has been closed to you. You can't just pick up where you left off, tradition is tradition and you can't change that, no matter what the Pokemon league tries to do.

But you are focusing so much on what you couldn't have, that you are neglecting what Alola can mean for you now! Living here, immersed in the spirit is such a small part of what it means to be Alolan. You can participate in festivals. You can home your battle skills through the tournaments, I know ceremonial battling is big on Melemele. And they are always looking for more volunteers to set up, making friends with other Alolans can help you feel immersed in the community.

Once a month, I make the journey to the shrine of Tapu Fini to leave her an offering and ask for her blessings. It's peaceful and very powerful, I always feel connected to the islands spirit. If you talk to Kahuna Hala, he would definitely be willing to take you to the shrine of Tapu Koko and show you how to leave offerings. It's part of a Kahuna's job to educate all Alolans on these sacred ceremonies.

You cannot pick up where you left off, because you didn't leave yourself behind. You have learned and grown, past the Tapu's eye, but the Sun and Moon shine on all regions. Don't dwell on what you cannot have, enjoy all that you can do, now as an adult.

[monstrousproductions]

[warning: transphobia, specifically from parents. seriously. take care of yourself i mean it.]

hiya dad, it was my 17th birthday today (technically yesterday, since it's past midnight, but i digress). i'm writing in cause it kinda sucked and most of the other adults who i'm out to (and are supportive) are my teachers and i don't really want to bare my heart over school email. i came out as trans (ftm) to my family a skosh over 2 years ago, and my parents still haven't accepted it. they're the sort that think that trans people exist, but *you* (that is, i) can't possibly be one of them. my mom's been trying to use fully neutral language and avoid using any names, which is... technically better than misgendering me, i suppose. my dad told me i was "full of shit" when i came out and has no hesitation about deadnaming me since them. there's lots of very sad specific anecdotes about the various responses they've had to me trying to assert that i'm a guy, but this is gonna be pretty long as is, so just take my word for it. i also came out to my older brother at the same time, and he's been hesitant, but willing to try about it.

all of us were busy during the day today, but we were going to open presents tonight, and my mom made a birthday cake for us to have afterwards. the first half of that went okay, though my dad was fully sullen--this isn't unusual; there's a whole lot else going on with my dad but getting into it would require a laundry list of warnings. anyway, after the presents my mom said that she wanted to consult me about decorating tomorrow's cake (i'm hanging out with some friends and will be having a larger cake due to the number of people). however, this was apparently a subtle way to get me out of earshot of my dad, since my mom wanted to know what i wanted to do about singing "happy birthday," since singing it with my actual name would send my dad "over the edge" (to be clear, this was almost certainly an accurate assessment). the options were to either a) sing happy birthday with 1. my actual name (horrible social repercussions for days if not weeks) 2. my dead name (i don't like being a doormat) or 3. a childhood nickname (which, while theoretically better than option 2, still implies that there's something wrong with my actual name), or to b) skip having cake as a family and not sing.

i chose b, for reasons obvious--my brother was also the only one who was hungry for cake, so it hopefully didn't seem weird. my mom said that it was my choice, but she wanted to sing me happy birthday and would use whichever name i picked, even if she didn't do it with the rest of the family. i agreed to this, and my mom said that she'd tell my older brother where i was (my brother and i are fairly close, and he's in college and usually living on-campus, so i was supportive of this). our conversation had gone on for long enough at that point that my dad and brother were having a full conversation, so i went up to my room to do homework that's due tonight. my brother came up a little later with cake (he says that cutting into a fresh birthday cake that wasn't his felt like thieving, which was sweet--all puns intended--of him), and we had cake before he needed to head back to campus. i started on my assignments, and after a bit my mom came in. i asked if she wanted to sing happy birthday then, and she said that she didn't think she'd be able to get the words out bc she'd be crying too much. rn i think she's on a walk or something.

that's pretty much the whole saga. as i said, i'm hanging out with some of my friends tomorrow, and i'm out to them (and tbh most of them are queer and/or trans) so that should be good, and my mom said that she'll sing the version with my actual name (though she didn't phrase it like that) with them, which will be a first. i'm not physically unsafe, and my parents would be fine if i weren't trans (like, in most regards they're good parents, they're just bad at not being transphobic). but i've also had a really shitty birthday and i didn't even get to be sung happy birthday with my actual name, and i'm really tired of getting hurt.

i'm not exactly sure if i have a question or not. i think most of the decisions i'll really want a second opinion on are gonna start being made when i turn 18 and can medically and legally transition, and right now i'm mostly waiting and trying to take care of myself as best as i can. still, if you have any sage advice i'll certainly take it. anyway, my name's Julian and if you could wish me a happy, albeit belated, birthday i'd really appreciate it.

Oh, kiddo! This sounds really, really tough xxxx

First of all, thank you for having the consideration to add a content warning - I appreciate, it not just for myself but for everyone else on the blog.

I wouldn't usually weigh in on people's personal problems (at least, the ones that aren't about ghosts and ghouls...) because it can be hard to maintain healthy boundaries around this stuff - at the end of the day, I am still a stranger on the internet!

As such, my first piece of dadly advice for you is to talk about this with people who know you and love you and who can support you in a more direct, ongoing way.

That said, of course I can wish you a very, very happy birthday, lovely Julian! I'm sorry the day itself was a bit shit, and I hope your friends can help you celebrate the way you'd like to. I had a pretty remarkably shitty 16th birthday, and can certainly sympathise.

Obviously I can't weigh in on any of the big decisions in your future (taps the 'stranger on the internet' sign again 😅) but I hope it's some reassurance to know that adulthood is on the horizon. As you get older, you'll be better placed to advocate for your own autonomy and to set and maintain the boundaries that make sense to you.

Until then, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. It's hard, and it sucks, but you're worth every ounce of love and care you can give yourself. Stick with it, sweet Julian, and here's to a happier year ahead! 💕

[stacytea]

Let me drop some ideas that I haven't been able to kick out of my head lately

there we go

1 ) muchacho

so I've been casually doing my lessons on duolingo , when suddenly I've been blessed with this word being brought back around. Since my last encounter with this word had been while watching the movie ,,Coco" my brain quickly brrrrrrrrred and what came out of it is:

kindnap family in spanish

and yes I could say here how much I would love to see them in a setting similar to that one episode of ofmd where we have Jim's backstory and everyone is just so badass

but the truth is

what I desire is just to read a spanish fic where Mae calls teenage Elros muchacho , like idk , it's cute and feels like something Mae would say. Sure english ,kid' is nice

but muchacho @everyone

idk I've just grown to like this word a lot

basically could've just shortened it to ,Mae calling Elros muchacho' , but I'm in the mood for some ramble

2 ) ,,She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green" (from ,,The Last Great American Dynasty" by Taylor Swift")

so another idea that I bring to the table today is my favourite line from my favourite song (yes, I'm a swiftie)

now everyone close your eyes and imagine it with

Irissë

Celery

& Huan

basically story happens back in Valinor when they're still young and having fun

imagine Irissë getting angry at Tyelko because he's a dumbass (affecionate) or just wanting to mess with him or trying to win a bet with someone or whatever reason

just let's have it result with her stealing Huan for a day or a night and

KEY LIME GREEN HUAN!!!!!

by Irissë

and then Tyelko sees it the next day and falls down crying because ,,NOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOO , EVERYTHING & EVERYONE , BUT NOT HUAN, NOOOOOOO; IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ONE OF MY BROTHERS IRISSË! WHY NOT MAGLOR IRISSË?! "

(confused Maglor in the background)

two days later Celery is still trying to wash the dye off of his dearest friend ; ,,how could she do it to you? *crying intensifies

Note: no magical dog was hurt during these happenings ~ Huan didn't really mind this short change in looks

3 ) Argon and golden ribbons

here I just drop an image of little Argon braiding some stolen from Fingon golden ribbons into his hair because he wants to be like his big brother

and Fingon sees it and just melts

and this is because these moments where he feels like the big brother he is are so rare , mainly because he personally radiates this kind of younger sibling energy

Irissë treats him almost as if they were twins (they have very similar personalities and both of them are secretly dating a fëanorian cousin, just so many things in common between them) , Turgon basically took over being the oldest siblingTM in this family and he may not have told him that it's because he sucks at being an eldest brother figure, but Fingon doesn't need him to voice these thoughts to be aware of them

so yeah, Turgon steals the older brother vibe while Irissë and Fingon just vibe the younger sibling vibe together, but then Argon appears in the picture....

and by that time Fingon has grown up enough to pass the big bro vibe check

so Argon does acknowledge him as the big brother

and Argon wants to be like him

and Argon braids golden ribbons into his hair to look like him

and Argon looks up to him for all of his childhood and even a little longer

and then adult Argon follows him at Alqualondë

and Argon gets doomed

and Argon dies

and it's all because of him

and Fingon might've never agreed with Turgon's overall opinion of him not being a good older brother , but as he looks at his little brother's dead body he wonders

he wonders if Turgon might be right

(okay, enough angst for today)

(or is it?)

4 ) ,,Marjorie" by Taylor Swift

and as much as this whole song gives me the vibe of adult Elrond in Lindon reminiscing his fëanorian upbringing (don't get me started on the angst of him not being allowed to speak about his childhood openly because ,,wdym you consider those MURDERERS your parents alongside your actual parents?????? Oh you poor traumatised thing!!!!!" )

anyway

let me focus here on the

,,The autumn chill that wakes me up/ [...] / Long limbs and frozen swims/ You'd always go past where our feet could touch"

part

like

let's think about these autumn days that are awfully cold in the morning , but then at noon it's almost as warm as during cooler summer days

now let's imagine Mae taking E&E to a nearby lake , so they can learn/practice swimming

(I imagine Mae would consider swimming a potentially important survival-enabling skill and deem it important for E&E to learn it)

ofc they would have to bring a small troop with them because it's apocaliptic end of first age Beleriand and there are orcs everywhere , but still Mae bringing the kids to the lake would be a very fun ,cherished moment for all of them. Mae being tall and going far from the shore, Elros always trying to follow him without caring that water gets too deep for him, Maglor seeing this and having a heart attack Maglor repeatedly telling Elros not to go past where his feet can touch. Elros going anyway, because Maedhros is there, so even if something happens, it's not like he's gonna die dad Mae would save him. Maglor forbiding Mae from taking them to the lake because this little shit Elros is a menace to himself Mae secretly taking them to the lake anyways because ,,they NEED to know how to swim, Mags , you don't understand , what if they DIE someday due to not knowing how to swim????'' let me quote the song again ,,The autumn chill that wakes me up/ [...] / Long limbs and frozen swims'' Mae waking them up early, so they can leave before his little brother is up; and it's still quite early when they arrive at the lake, so the water is freezing And then, centuries later, in Lindon it's just Elrond and these memories because the rest of the family is dead, gone, dead

[thedawningofthehour]

I just saw that post from four days ago about the threats you received, and I liked how you ended it because as a teenager I can say that teenagers are stupid.

I don't like going around saying that I'm better than most people my age, but genuinely, they're all so stupid and irresponsible. I don't understand. Of course, I'm still learning, but as I've gotten more mature I've started hating kids and teenagers because of how stupid they are. Most of them don't even care if they hurt someone else but when I do I feel like the worst person in the world. And then I hide from them for the rest of my life. And developed self-worth issues that may have already been present., but that's beside the point. Teenagers and kids just don't see the reason why people try to be kind. And that sucks, because in history kids grew up way faster than we do now. Something changed, and it could be any number of things. Social Media, Public School systems (by the way, who on earth thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of irresponsible, easily influenced children with a single adult. They're learning bad habits from each other, not good ones from the teacher. It should be the other way around. Kids are meant to grow up with lots of good adult influences). There's just so much wrong with today's society. I can't even write it all.

"It is important to draw wisdom from many different places." -Iroh (ATLA)

I'm very religious, so I don't swear, drink, smoke, stuff like that, and I think those standards and my parents childhoods definitely played a part in how I think today. Of course, everyone's lives are different and anything could cause anything, but I'm really sad how unhappy and careless people are nowadays. Kids should be taught to be kind to others, not just striving for their own joy. True happiness always comes from gratitude.

(If you haven't seen it already, check out Nothing Ever Changes by Nico Collins)

The world is stupid. A lot of people are cruel, and it shouldn't be this way but people don't care enough to change. It's sad, honestly. I've really enjoyed when you touch on stuff like that in Third from the Son because I feel like someone else sees the same things I do.

Good luck navigating the absolute monstrosity that is today's world, and thanks for providing us all with such an amazing story.

- A kind of sort of maybe mature teenager.

...Well. This is a lot to unpack.

So first of all! I do not think that today's children are any stupider or less mature than my generation or the generations before. Quite the contrary-I think you guys are doing great considering the 'gestures to everything in the world'. You guys are well educated and you want to make a difference. You want the world to be better. I think that's wonderful and I'm really proud of all my younger readers.

It's just that...teenagers are dumbasses. All of them. You guys have limited experience and your brains just aren't braining all the way. Even the smartest, most mature teenager is going to be fathoms wiser in ten years-if they aren't, something's gone wrong. That's just how wisdom works. Even if you're starting with a strong base, you still need time and experience to develop that. (this circles back to my thing about Donnie doing a bunch of dumb shit in the show-because yes, he's a genius, his brain is so big it literally alters the shape of his skull, and he's also a moron because he's fourteen) I know a lot of teenagers will really dislike hearing that, lord knows I hated hearing it when I was in high school. But five years from now you're going to be a greatly improved version of yourself and you're going to look back on your current self and roll your eyes. Maybe smile with fondness. But you will be different, and hopefully you will be better. I graduated in 2013 thinking I was super wise and mature. I'm wiser now, and in 2035 I hope I'll be wiser still. (if we're even still here by then)

And the idea that 'kids grew up faster' in the past is just false. Kids worked more, sure. They got sick more, died more, experienced loss more. But the whole idea that kids were considered full-grown adults the moment they hit puberty, married off and forced to start having babies and shit? Patently false. For one thing, people historically lived in multi-generational homes, so a lot of the things we associate with 'growing up' now-moving out, supporting yourself on your own income, blahblah-just really wasn't a thing. And apart from the nobility, people didn't marry and start families much younger than they do now. It was pretty common to wait until your twenties. Late teens sometimes, but those were often "shit I'm pregnant quick marry me so we can pass the baby off as an eight pound preemie" situations. (we really underestimate how many illegitimate babies were born before birth control, in many cultures it really wasn't a big deal) Teenagers of the past had more responsibilities, yes. They were still stupid about them. And often that stupidity had bigger consequences than their dumbassery immortalized on the internet.

I'm glad those responsibilities aren't on them now. That was messed up, kids shouldn't have been responsible for raising their siblings or making sure their families were fed. I love public school. I love education, it's actually very good for children developmentally to progress with peers rather than just trying to copy adults. I think social media is very much a double-edged sword, I think there are advantages to having it but I can't deny the negative effect it has, especially on kids and teenagers. It's a complicated issue and I haven't read every study there is about it, plus I want ice cream and don't feel like going into it right now.

And dude, I graduated from a Catholic high school. I knew a lot of kids who thought their godliness and purity made them more mature and put them above their peers. For one, most of them started partying like crazy the moment they got to college and got into tons of trouble that way, but they were all still idiots. There's nothing inherently immature about cursing or drinking a beer. It's absolutely fine if you're not into that scene, I wasn't either and I'm still not. But it doesn't make you better than the people who are.

I'm sorry if this comes off as dickish, that's not my intention. When I was eighteen I also thought I was better than my classmates. I was not.

[furiousgoldfish]

Hey :) Anon from this post: https://furiousgoldfish.tumblr.com/post/713489488821862400/hey-hope-youre-having-a-good-day-today-or-at here. I wanna start this off by saying thank you for the response you gave, it really helped me a lot. I'm trying to come to terms with what I've gone through, and I've discovered that I may be some sort of dissociative system, which would likely explain the large gaps in my memory and lack of knowledge about my childhood.

Going through the list of potential reasons for my parents' treatment of me shifting, I definitely think it's a combination of the first (me getting closer to being an adult, I'm 20 now) and the third (getting opportunities to get away from home, I've got a partner who loves me (and is helping me with a plan to get out of here) and I've been pushing for more freedom to go out places, and I do keep bringing up the idea of me getting a job and/or my own place, which always provokes an...interesting reaction, certainly, which I do want to talk about here).

I feel like the physical abuse would've stopped around the time I turned 13, or maybe a couple of years before that, considering that that was when I start getting clearer, non-fragmented memories, and then a lot of the verbal and emotional stuff (at least, the obvious stuff that I could easily pick up on) stopped at the start of 2020, when I started talking more about how I was excited to start learning to drive (I was 16, soon to be turning 17, and I'd always been told I couldn't start learning to drive until I was 17)

With your description of the narcissistic split between kids, with one being the golden child and the other being the scapegoat, that very much feels like what's happening with me. I've always felt like I was an outsider in my own family -- a memory recently surfaced from when I was 9 years old where I remember contemplating if I was secretly some sort of monster or alien pretending to be a human rather than actually being a human within the family, and I remember writing a song when I was 13 where one of the lines of the chorus was "someone's daughter on somebody else's family tree", and those are just two of the instances I can recall.

I'm not sure if I'm discriminated against for a disability -- my brother's autistic, something that was always brought up by my parents, and while I am in the middle of getting screened for autism myself I don't know why they'd discriminate against me for autism but not him? -- but I do know that my brother's always been very talented when it comes to music and coding, and while I do have a few talents myself (I do art, I write, I used to be in an acting club for a few years) I only feel like my parents care about me when I'm doing something they can be proud of? Meanwhile my brother seems to be cared about all the time, even when he's angry, even when he's stolen from me, even when he does things like delete all my save data on video games. I suppose that would tie in with what you said about how the golden child can always get away with bullying the scapegoat, but it still sucks.

Regarding the...interesting...response I would get from my parents (well, really only my mother, I've never talked to my father about this) about getting a job and moving out -- whenever I have, my mother will always bring up how I ended up quitting my last job due to stress (I was 15 at the time, and working in a busy cafe, as well as trying to deal with everything at home, is it any surprise?) and how my sister tried moving out and had to move back home, and it honestly just feels like she's trying to scare(?) me into abandoning the idea under the belief that I'm not capable of doing it? Even when I've brought up the idea of trying to get some sort of online work so I wouldn't have to go out, she still seems to think I'd get too easily stressed out and/or overwhelmed by it. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I can't shake the idea that if I did manage to find something, she'd just try to sabotage me to "prove her point".

That, coupled with the fact that she's so controlling of where I can go as well -- she used to have a tracker on my phone that I had to fight to get taken off, I was never allowed to walk to/from school (when I was even still going there, I was pulled out when I was 9 because of my brother, which is another story) on my own as a kid like all the other kids did despite practically living next door to it, I never got to have sleepovers with friends (because "what if something happens with [brother] and we need to come and get you?" (which, um, do I look like his fucking caretaker? Leave me out of his shit please) and later on my tendency to get homesick was weaponized against me (which, gee, wonder if that'd've been an issue if I could've gotten to have sleepovers with my friends as a kid)), and a few months back I had to fight to even be allowed out of the house to go for short walks around the neighborhood on my own? As an at-the-time 19 year old, so, a legal adult? When our neighborhood is pretty safe and quiet? And the reasoning she always gives is "what if something happens to you?" which...well, considering that a few of the suspected alters appear to me as inmates in a prison, I think speaks volumes about how I feel about all of this treatment.

I suppose I want to close this out with a question of sorts here, relating to your post about abusive parents separating kids from human rights -- number 10 on that list is "They threaten you with court, institutions and government", and it reminded me of how as a kid, if ever I was crying too loud or screaming or yelling, I was always told to keep it down in case the neighbors called CPS (well, my country's equivalent anyways), it was always framed that if CPS were called for then they'd come and take me away, that I wouldn't get to keep any of the things that my parents got for me, that I'd be sent to live with strangers, it was always made out as this extremely bad, extremely scary thing that had to be Avoided At All Costs because We're Not Abusive But If You Don't Shut Up The Neighbors Will Think We Are, and...I suppose I'm just trying to figure out if that falls into that category? I've just been very confused about it ever since I recalled it, and I can't figure out how I'm supposed to even interpret it, let alone feel about it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, hope you have a good day :)

(🌟) (signing off so I can better identify the ask later)

Hey thanks for coming back and giving me feedback about the reply!

I'll respond to your question first: Yes, it does fall into that category, and I've been told the exact same things. My things will be taken away, I'll be sent off to live in a place of poverty with strangers where I will not be allowed to own anything and I won't have my own room, they would describe it as the worst possible thing that could happen to me and instruct me how to act so I would not get taken away. And of course when you're a child, you believe that and act like they tell you to, there's no way to know they're doing this to keep you in abuse.

it's really interesting how they all use almost identical tactics and it's only when we form a community and talk about these kinds of abuse and when they happen, that it makes sense and it becomes clear what they're trying to accomplish. I've been so scared of 'homes' for children all my childhood, only to find out later, that children raised there had way, and I mean WAY more things than I did, way more legal protection and their every need paid for. I could not have imagined that. (I don't know if it works like that in every country though, apparently in my country it does.)

It makes sense for the physical abuse to stop at the age 13, you're about to remember things very well at that age, and about to learn how to fight back. They do not want a child who resists them.

The separation of the scapegoat and the golden child is usually stronger than any talent you might have. No matter what you did, you'd always be the scapegoat. And yes they love to show off and get attention even if it is from the scapegoat's accomplishments, but it's unlikely they'll ever acknowledge it to you, or start valuing you for that. Narcissistic abusers need a scapegoat and to them, this need comes first, before any needs of a child. I'm so sorry you felt like an outsider, your song feels very powerful and cuts to the point. It really is like you're somebody else's child, intruding into that house.

From what you're describing your mother is very set on discouraging you from getting a job, or even outright sabotaging you, attacking your confidence and making it clear that she doesn't think you can do it. She's also insisting you should exist only as a convenience and resource for the rest of them. She's doing those things because she's scared of you succeeding and getting free, then you could talk about the abuse freely, and they could do nothing to you. I'm so glad you have a partner and a possibility of escape, I hope you make it, and manage to distance yourself completely from parents who treated you so unfairly and cruelly.

I'm sorry about the dissociative symptoms, it's definitely worth looking further into that, lost memories, being unable to put events together, these are dissociative symptoms. Here's a link where you can read more about the symptoms and see if anything clicks. (it's just for dissociative disorders in general, not DID, if you think you have DID or OSDD, look for more resources please!)