#azaril avalaron

[noah-moth-cursed-chaos]

Mercer stared at Azaril as if that request was some great insult. As if it was not the bare minimum compensation for years of emotional torment.

"I could-"

"Ruin me, kill me, destroy my reputation, chase me out of the country again Mercer I know. One night. That is all I want. You have stolen decades from me. Give me one night." Mercer scowled, he took a deep breath, "Go on ahead, make camp, I will meet you, if I don't you are free to return, tell them anything you want, any lie, any accusation, I won't argue. I want one night that is only mine, before I die. Is that such a crime?" Azaril stared at him, daring him to deny him this one thing. After over twenty five fucking years of torment. "If you say no I'll tell them all. I'll tell them everything, they won't believe me but imagine how careful you'll have to be to keep what I know covered from then on out." A stupid threat, a risky threat, he knew Mercer was more trusted, more believed than him. He'd heard the rumors that circulated, he'd seen the ways Vipir and Niruin looked at him. Even Delvin and Vekel, who he'd grown up beside, regarded him differently now. If it came down to him or Mercer he had no doubt who the guild would choose. But maybe it'd be worth it to know he'd inflicted a fraction of the constant gut wrenching paranoia Mercer had plagued him with.

"... Fine. Have your one night. You better show." Mercer got up, and went to gather his things. Azaril let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He went to the chest at the foot of the bed he'd been sleeping in in the Flagon, grabbed a small bag and clipped it to his belt. Despite its contents being hidden he tried to ensure Mercer didn't see.

And then, what did he do? With one night of freedom?

He found Brynjolf.

How could he do anything else?

He found him in the training room, and the smile that graced that absolutely perfect face the second Azzy walked in broke his heart. Especially knowing after this night he would never see that smile again.

"You look happy to see me."

"I always am, lad. Do you need something?" Azzy had to stop himself from just blurting out 'You' with no further explanation.

"Listen I know I haven't... Been. As available as I'd like to be since I've come back. I thought maybe we could get a room at the inn, and you and me could just. Talk. Like we used to. Have a night together." Azaril watched Brynjolf think for a moment, so afraid he'd be turned down, that his one night for himself would involve no closure.

"I just need to let the others know I'll be back tomorrow." Came the response instead.

And before long they were in a room at the Bee and Barb, much to Keerava's disdain, which was fair honestly.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Brynjolf asked him, sitting down on the bed and taking his shoes off. Azaril locked and leaned on the door, hesitating before...

"I missed you." He said, "I really did, every single day I was gone it was like a piece of me was missing, Bryn. Being away from Riften, but especially being away from *you* might be the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've killed an immortal world eating dragon."

There was that smiled again. Like Azaril was somehow the secret to all the good in Bryn's life, like Azaril just made everything that much better. A part of him wished he could see himself the way Brynjolf seemed to.

"I missed you too lad, more than I know how to express... Even if you haven't been able to tell me what happened yet, I couldn't be happier just to have you home."

Home.

Home...

God how Azaril had missed thinking of any place as that. Anywhere. Anyone.

Home.

Azzy was home.

He kicked off his shoes before joining Bryn on the bed and embracing him, pressing his head into his chest right over his heart, listening to the steady beat, feeling the warmth. Home.

Right here.

He couldn't help but smile.

He felt Brynjolf's hand run through his hair, gently, affectionately.

"I love you, I have loved you for-for so long, by the time I realized I knew I had to leave so it didn't seem fair to admit it." It wasn't fair now, but after all this time he could be selfish, just this once, just before the end, "But all this time without you has been torture, and now I'm back and I don't want to hide this anymore. Brynjolf I love you, you are my home." He pulled away enough to make eye contact with Bryn, to take in the flustered look of surprise on his face. To memorize as many details as possible while he still could.

"Lad I-" He paused, it was so rare Brynjolf was at a loss for words. For a moment Azaril was afraid, that he'd come on too strong, this his feelings weren't reciprocated.

And then Brynjolf kissed him.

Gods what a kiss.

One worth waiting decades for, more than worth risking Mercer's anger for this one night.

When their lips finally parted, Azaril pushed Brynjolf back in the bed, climbing on top of him and kissing him again, desperate and hungry to make up for the time he'd lost.

He pulled away a moment, just to admire the man under him more, this gorgeous perfect being that somehow chose him. He cupped Brynjolf's cheek, and smiled affectionately when Brynjolf took his hand in his and kissed it. "I've wanted this for so long." Brynjolf said, "I never want to be without you again."

Azaril's heart ached hearing that, how badly he wished he could promise he wouldn't have to, how he wished he could promise not one more day would pass when Brynjolf would wake up alone.

But tonight was all they had. After tonight he'd leave Brynjolf with only the truth for comfort.

But he could promise one thing.

"Tonight's going to be perfect."

When Brynjolf woke up in the morning he reached across the bed to-

...

Where was Azzy?

His eyes snapped open and he stared at the empty bed space next to him in confusion.

Why would he just leave?

A shape on the bedside table caught his eye, an envelope, with a note left lying over it.

He sat up and grabbed it, his eyes scanning the page and his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach.

'Brynjolf,

You have no idea how much it pains me to do this to you, but you may never see me again.

Me and Mercer are going to Snow Viel Sanctum to confront Karliah once and for all.

I know you have questions, a lot, and I owe you answers. The letter under this note will answer them all, but please don't open it unless you know for sure I'm dead, otherwise when I come back I'll explain everything, I promise.

I love you more than words can express, Azaril Avalaron'

This couldn't be real.

He just got him back.

He just got him back he couldn't lose him again.

[noah-moth-cursed-chaos]

Delphine was idly preparing for events to come when she heard Azaril Avalaron reenter the secret room.

She turned to see if he actually looked presentable enough to enter a sophisticated establishment and-

Well.

He cleaned up well.

It even looked like he'd shaved.

He still needed to do something with all that damn hair however. Don't get her wrong it doesn't look bad, there was a certain appeal to it. But. It'd get in his face while he was fighting and this would already be dangerous enough.

"So? Am I up to your standards?" He asked, giving the outfit a little spin.

"The outfit looks decent on you, but your hair needs work." She stated.

"What's wrong with my hair?" He sounded affronted, "I like my hair."

"It looks nice, but if you're found out, you're going to need to be able to fight without it in your eyes. You'll already be fighting at closer quarters than you're used to, it's best not to put yourself at any further of a disadvantage."

"I'll put it in a ponytail then." He said, turning towards the stairs, likely to grab a hairtie from his other clothing.

"Sit down."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm doing your hair, Avalaron, sit down."

"On the floor?"

"Or go back upstairs and sit on my bed, your choice. But I'm doing your hair."

"... Fine." He went upstairs and she followed. He sat on the edge of her bed, and she kicked off her shoes, grabbed her brush, and sat behind him.

There was silence between the two for a couple minutes, before Delphine decided to take this rare... Calm moment to maybe get to know her most valuable ally a little better.

"So, what draws someone like you to the thieve's guild anyway?"

"I told you, I'm not part of that anymore."

"Yeah but, why were you? I'm not attacking you, Azaril. I'm curious." She didn't often call him his first name, but maybe it'd make him feel less defensive, for once.

"... It's. A stupid story."

"I want to hear it. We have nothing better to talk about."

He went silent for a moment before, "I uhm... I was found as a baby on the doorstep of Honorhall Orphanage." Oh she didn't know his whole life story was involved. Well. Might as well take her sweet time doing his hair then. "I never had any idea who my parents were, or why they didn't want me. I stopped caring eventually, if they never cared enough to reach out why should I care enough to look I guess... But uhm... I was. The only elf at the orphanage." There was a slight pause, "... I. Got used to watching the other kids outgrow me I guess? They ended up adults and I was barely older. New kids would end up there, they'd either get adopted or age out, and then they'd find their own lives, probably somewhere far from Riften."

"... And leave you behind?"

"... Yeah." His voice was softer, it wasn't the same exactly, but she did know the pain of being the last one standing. She could almost imagine over decades, again and again, Azaril saying goodbye to people he knew wouldn't remember him as much as he would them.

It had to be a lonely childhood.

"When I was uh. 40 I think, Grelod the Kind took over the orphanage... She doesn't deserve the name, let's just say."

"So I've heard."

"Whatever you heard, she's probably worse than the stories." He chuckled, pausing, "... It. Sucked. There were a couple other kids there at the time who I had been really close with, but most of them were close to aging out. I was particularly close with this one guy, I remember the week before he left he swore to me he was going to find a way to take me with him. I didn't believe him at the time."

"But he did?"

"He managed to get a letter to me, told me that if I could find the thieve's guild and manage to convince them I was grown, I'd have a roof over my head and a job." Azaril said, "... At the time I had a pretty extreme baby face, and nobody in charge believed for a second I was an adult. But they let me stay, had me do cleaning and stuff to earn my keep, and taught me how to be a thief." He took a deep breath, "The uh-leader and second are probably the closest thing to parents I ever had."

Delphine went silent for a moment, before, softly, "That must have hurt to walk away from."

"I didn't want to." He mumbled, "I got chased out. The leader died and the second went missing and well-the third took over and he... I think he had something to do with the leader's death, he said the second was responsible but I at least don't think she acted alone if she was... And he realized I was onto him." He paused, "I... Ran to Solstheim for a while to get away... Came back... I dunno, to try and start a new life? Find a home? I've failed pretty miserably, clearly."

She went silent for a moment, staring at the now finished braid.

Her voice was softer when she spoke again, she hadn't previously realized just how alone the dragonborn must be. Somehow you'd expect someone with a title like that to have it all figured out, but he was just as afraid and isolated as she was.

"You could have a home here."

Azaril laughed bitterly, "Don't lie to me, Delphine."

"You could. If we manage to put a stop to the dragons so there's a world to have a home in, but you could. Riverwood isn't anything grand, it's certainly no place for a thief but. You're not a thief anymore. And you could be a blade, I think. Just put down the bottle a bit more often."

"... Thank you."

"How does the braid feel? Did I make it too tight?"

"No, it's nice." He got up, "I guess I have a party to crash, huh?" She gave a curt nod.

"Stay safe, Azaril."

[noah-moth-cursed-chaos]

Young Azaril content! With Mercer being a manipulative prick as he does best.

When Azaril had been told he was shadowing Mercer instead on this mission, he'd been mildly disgruntled but not too upset.

Sure Mercer was a pain and didn't seem to like him very much, but he was still the third, not a position Azaril expected Gallus to give someone who couldn't work with others.

Only this fairly simple bedlam job was taking. Forever. Because Mercer was a nit picky asshole who wouldn't let Azaril two inches out of his sight and was annoyingly insistent on Azaril doing everything exactly the way he wanted.

They would've been out of solitude ages ago if they'd just gone with Azaril's plan. Hit the Blue Palace, there weren't nearly enough guards at the moment and it was technically open to the public, in a jarl's palace there were bound to be plenty of fine clothes and crockery. More than enough to add up to what they needed. Hell, if they could get into the jarl's room who knew what she might have. He'd even bought and packed a couple invisibility potions to help.

But no.

Mercer thought it was better to sneak around the stores and pick up a couple things here and there whole Azzy distracted the clerk. They'd be here all day at this rate.

Not to mention how rude he was being throughout it all. As if Azaril wasn't what stood between him and a quick visit to a jail cell at the moment.

"You wouldn't know a good plan if it hit you in the face." This and "If I let you do the actual stealing we'd end up caught within seconds." That. Divines was his patience running thin.

Currently they were in Angeline's Aromatics, and Azaril was trying very hard to pretend he was way more interested in alchemy than he was. He must be doing decent because the shopkeep had her attention on him the entire time, hadn't even noticed Mercer sneak away to go look for valuables.

Currently she was explaining to him the steps to make a cure disease potion, "It should look like this when you're done." She pulled out a potion from under the counter to show him. He did a very good imitation of studying the red liquid inside, but was distracted by a figure out of the corner of his eye.

What the fuck was Mercer doing?

Sure Azaril was a good distraction but he wasn't near good enough for Mercer to be pocketing shit right in front of this lady.

Trying to become good enough of a distraction, Azaril silently prayed that Mercer would stay on the side of the room he was currently on, and went to lift the bottle to see it catch the light, and very convincingly pretended dropping it was a complete accident.

"Oh crud-I'm so sorry! I'll just-let me-"

"No no it happens, I have a broom, it's okay really-you don't have to pick up the glass-"

"I'll pay for it, gosh I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be so clumsy-"

The lady managed to run to grab said broom right as Mercer walked across the room and put something off a shelf in his pocket.

"What are you-"

Mercer ran over and grabbed Azaril before booking it out the door.

"What in Oblivion are you doing?!"

"Just trust me!"

"Stop them! They're thieves!"

"Halt!"

There was so much going on at once, Mercer dragging Azaril through side streets, guards and people screaming, finally they were cornered. Azaril's heart was pounding, how had everything gone so wrong so quickly? What had Mercer been thinking?

His head was spinning while the leader of the group of guards who had them cornered did the entire 'you have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people' bit, how were they going to get out of this? He reached into his pocket to pull out his coin purse, he probably had enough to pay their bounties, whatever Mercer had stolen couldn't be worth too much.

"We submit, take us away." Mercer said, Azaril froze and stared at him.

"What?" He asked. The guards quickly restrained them, walking them towards the jail. All Azzy could do was stare at Mercer, these past ten minutes had made absolutely zero sense to him. What was going on? What was Mercer's plan? There were so many better ways to handle this... Hell so many ways to not get caught in the first place.

Mercer had to be planning something.

Azaril didn't know why that scared him so badly.

They were only actually in the cell for maybe a couple of hours, Azaril had his suspicions Mercer had been in there before with how easily he found a way out once no guards were paying attention.

"You know even if we get out we still failed the mission, everyone's going to be on alert for us now, there's no way to make back what we lost." Azaril whispered as Mercer grabbed their things out of the belongings chest.

"What do you want me to do about that?" Mercer snapped back. Azaril fought back a comment about sloppy mistakes and how skill didn't negate carelessness. "Just try not to fall behind on the way back. Don't need you getting eaten by wolves or something." The fact that he still had the audacity to act like Azaril was the unskilled one in this scenario was absolutely grating.

The way back to Riften was tense and silent, both of them were livid with the other, although Azaril thought Mercer's anger at him was entirely unwarranted.

When the two at last entered the cistern, Gallus looked up from the guild leader desk, "How did it go-are you two alright?" He seemed to notice the sour mood the two brought in with them.

"We need to talk, Gallus." Mercer said, walking towards him. Azaril followed, he was on the mission, he should be present for the discussion. Yet Mercer glared at him, "Alone."

Azaril stared at him for a moment, "It's about the job, right? Why shouldn't I be in the room?" His gaze turned to Gallus as he asked that last question.

There was a pause from Gallus, before a small sigh, "I'll make sure I get your story of events, Azzy. I promise." He saw the slightest smirk on Mercer's face, just for a second, and had a sinking feeling that he did not intend to tell Gallus the truth of what happened in Solitude.

"We should both be in the room, we were both on the job-"

"Azaril." Gallus' voice was more firm. "I'll speak to you later."

"... Fine." He watched them walk into the training room, and then turned towards the main flagon.

"Az! How was the job?" Delvin asked as he walked in, smiling until he saw the expression on his friend's face, "... Did somethin' happen?"

"Mercer's an asshole is what happened." Azaril grumbled, sitting at the table with him, "Was so sure of his plan he wouldn't listen to me or use common sense, then wants to get a stick up his ass when it all goes wrong."

"... You failed?" Delvin asked.

"Worse. We got arrested-I had the coin to just pay off the guard! We could have just walked out and waited to strike at night! But no, Mercer wanted to surrender."

"That... Makes no sense."

"Thank you! There was no reason for it, and now he wants to talk to Gallus alone and-am I being childish for being so annoyed over this?" He sighed, "This should have been so straightforward."

"... Dramatic, I do get where you're comin' from though. Even a man like Mercer miscalculates sometimes, just 'cause you're new doesn't mean he should brush you off." Delvin said. "I'm sure Gallus is gonna feel the same way."

"... Right." He nodded, "How about you? Did that numbers job go well?"

"Oh splendid, nobody suspected a thing."

"At least things are going right for one of us today."

It'd be a while before Mercer came out, sitting at a stool at the bar and demanding a mead.

Azaril rose from his seat and made his way to the Cistern. He wanted to make sure Gallus had the whole story.

Gallus appeared to have been walking towards the Flagon door when Azaril entered.

"Can we talk now?" He asked.

"I was coming to get you." Gallus said, turning to lead Azaril to the training room. "Azaril, I have to say I expect better of you than this. You're new yes, but I know you have a good head on your shoulders, and in the field I expect you to use it. You can't just pocket things in front of the shopkeep."

"... What?" That's how Mercer made it sound? That this was his mess? "I didn't-Gallus, Mercer is the one who grabbed something from the main room, I was trying to distract the shopkeep, honest." He said, "I didn't even want to target the shops, I wanted to wait for nightfall and go to the Blue Palace."

"Mercer already told me about you attempting to take the potion and dropping it. I'm not mad about the job not being completed, but you cannot shift blame when a job goes wrong." Gallus looked so disappointed in him. Why would he lie? What reason would he have to lie about Mercer?

"I'm not shifting blame! He-he wanted to talk to you first to cover his mess, I dropped a potion on purpose to try to cover him strolling into the main room and trying to shove things in his pockets!" He exclaimed, "He messed up! Not me!"

"*Azaril Avalaron that is enough!*" Gallus snapped at him, "Mercer would have no reason to lie to me, and I don't appreciate you trying to."

"I'm not-Gallus I swear I'm not, you taught me, why don't you believe me?" It felt like a childish question, but that was all he could think about. Mercer's supposed story, Azaril felt, was completely out of character, and his mentor of all people should know that. He held back the tears that liked to mix themself with his anger, he was not going to cry over Mercer's lies.

Gallus' gaze softened a bit, he took a deep breath, "... Maybe Mercer missaw what happened with the potion. But I can't imagine him doing something as foolish as what you claim unless he was trying to take the attention off of you, Azzy. I think both of you owe each other an apology." He didn't owe a thing. He wasn't apologizing when he'd done nothing wrong.

"I'm. I'm not going on any more jobs with him."

"Azaril, come on now-"

"I don't think he missaw anything, and I'm not apologizing." Tears were welling in his eyes, why didn't Gallus believe him??

"I know he seems harsh, but he does care-" Azaril wasn't going to stay here and listen to this, or risk crying in front of Gallus. He turned on his heel and stormed out, ignoring Gallus calling after him.

A few other guild members tried to ask him what was happening, he didn't answer, making a bee line for the ladder. He passed Karliah coming down, ignoring her "Azaril? What's wrong?"

There weren't many places in Riften one could truly be alone, even the docks were almost always busy.

But the dock out back of Honeyside laid as empty and silent as the house it belonged to.

And Azaril sneaking out there was nothing new. He sat near the edge of the dock, burying his face in his knees and finally letting himself cry.

He was out there for a good couple of hours, once he was calm just staring out at the water, before he heard someone drop onto the docks behind him. "Go away, Delvin."

"If you can mistake my landing for Delvin's I need to work on it, clearly." He looked back to see Karliah walking towards him, taking something out of her pocket. She sat next to him and handed over a wrapped sweet roll, "Gallus told me about the job."

"Told you *Mercer*'s version of the job." Azaril said, but took the sweet roll and thanked her nonetheless.

"... He can be. Hard to work with." She said, "He tends to get in his head that things should be done a certain way and won't hear anything else, but he does mean well." She paused, "Personally I don't believe Gallus should have sent you with Mercer, this was only what? Your fourth job?" Azaril nodded. "Of course the two of you didn't work well together." She said.

"... Do you believe Mercer? About the-the potion?"

"I do believe that's what he *thought* he saw. But I don't truly believe you'd be that careless." She said, "I don't believe he had malicious intent. But he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." Maybe Mercer didn't lie on purpose... Maybe Gallus and Karliah were right, he was just trying to keep Azaril safe. It still hurt how ready Gallus was to disregard Azaril's story because of Mercer's. But maybe he really was just overreacting?

"... I hope you're right." He whispered.

"I know I am, I know Mercer, and he's a good man Azzy. Just... Cold. You'll get used to working with him in time, I'm sure of it."

If only Azaril knew then how far that was from the truth.

[noah-moth-cursed-chaos]

Ngl with the way my car has been trying to die all my sanity is riding on my newest Skyrim oc

Azaril Avalaron, until my car is repaired my mental health is up to you