#i don't usually mind going to things by myself
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I love answering questions 1. You truly are a young prodigy. (I refuse to elaborate.) 2. Sherlock's 3. It's all going on in my head lmao- I kind of love it but I'm still waiting for my AO3 account to be made, I'm very excited. 4. Johnlock 5. John gaped at him. "You just solved a case, a murder, for God's sake, and you're bored?!" 6. Sherlock (not including names, my most used word is 'room'.) 7. Still exploring. STILL. 8. YP (Young Prodigy) 9. Slightly unclear, but the latest dates I have are 24th August 2024 - 2nd February 2025 10. Like... 4 weeks? I think? 11. My Enola Holmes Oneshots- 12. Younger sibling x sibling's best friend (by that I mean platonically and also I don't even know if that exists or if I just made it up lmao) 13. Sherlock (ofc :3)/ HL 14. I get inspiration from other writers cause there are so many amazing ones :3 15. STORMY! 16. My bed :') 17. I usually write a bit, edit a bit, repeat. Which I know is really bad but I can't help it. 18. I don't have the exact sentence but once I made a character speak when they were dead AND PUBLISHED IT- I had to make it so that the character was speaking in someone's mind because I was too lazy to go back and rewrite it- 19. If guns were a thing in the 1800s. Lead me down a rabbit hole. That era is actually really interesting. 20. 2024 :') I did write beforehand I just didn't know where I could publish. 21. isn't this question nine? 2024 though <3 22. I write for myself to look back on, so no, but then again I've never gotten a comment that wasn't from a loved one, so how can I be scared :') 23. Old, poetry, progressive 24. I just take breaks, look at other people's writing and get ideas. 25. I like drawing, reading, painting, digital art, poetry, history, philosophy and if I carried on it would be the length of an entire fic (lmao) 26. I can't concentrate with other people around, I have to kick them out my room. But I can write with music. Funny thing is I can't go back and edit it with music, so where's the sense there? 27. That climax point where your fingers just fly across the keyboard and even you can feel the adrenaline from the scene- 28. editing and planning. Currently the stage I'm at now with my ACTUAL book with my original characters. Bro I wanna write :') 29. Very easy. It takes me a few seconds. 30. here :3
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#if anyone wants to ask🥺🤲#ASK ME QUESTIONS#send me asks#ask me things#ask me stuff#send asks#send anons#feel free to ask-#questions#ask tumblr#writer#writers on tumblr#writing#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfic questions
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Shutter 1
Warnings: non/dubcon, stalking, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Characters: Peter Parker
This AU is called Watcher Anonymous and will include different series for different characters. This is our introduction to Peter and Pipsqueak.
Summary: a community class brings together all sorts.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
The community centre is a good place to waste time. After a particularly brutal break-up, it was Peter's only distraction. His only solace. He couldn't stay in that apartment he shared with MJ and working as a freelancer couldn't keep him busy if there's nothing going on.
It got even better when she showed up. Most of his students are seniors, looking for the same thing as him, a way to keep busy. She's younger but enthusiastic. While the others come once or twice a month, she's there every week.
That day, she walks in with Betsy. She always finds one of her classmates before she even gets there. She has her camera bag over her shoulder as she adjusts her thick-lensed glasses. They magnetize her irises and make the rest of her look even smaller. That's no great feat as she's tiny all over.
He welcomes each student as he always does, a smile, or a wave, a hello, or how are you. It's a bit awkward to teach people older than even his aunt, but it's more of a club than a class. There's a few new tag alongs; Jeffrey and Edith.
He goes over the focus for the week. There's lot of birds around and he asked them all to get some good snaps before migration season. There's a bit of technical difficulties as he helps them get their prints on the overhead or upload to the cloud from their SD cards. He always has to account for their varied skillset.
His attention strays from the blue jays and the cardinals to her. She sits with her legs twisted together, her eyes set on the large screen. Her glasses reflect the tint. When it comes her turn, she presents a hummingbird she proudly explains was lured to her balcony by her honey feeder. She adds that it's also against the rules but she doesn't care. She giggles and takes her seat again.
When the meeting comes to an end, the elders bluster about the traffic or bingo. It's only two in the afternoon but some are even on the way to dinner. As he waits for them to filter out, he shuts down his laptop.
"Um, excuse me, Mr. Parker," the warbly voice startles him. She stands across from him sheepishly. He almost laughs. No one calls him mister. "Um, I was hoping you could help me but if you're busy."
He's almost breathless. He's talked to her before. He talks to everyone but she's shier around the men in the class, even him.
"No, I don't have anywhere to be. What's going on?" He forces out, wondering if he sounds as nervous as he feels.
"Erm, okay," she moves her camera bag to the front of her. "I found this old camera at the thrift shop but um, I don't want to break it. I wanted to start using it..."
She pulls out the camera with the strap attached. He tilts his head as he examines it. He reaches for the compact device.
"May I?" He asks.
"Please," she hands it over. "I don't know if it's any good. It was ten bucks but... if it doesn't work I thought it would be a good ornament."
"Holy," he turns it over, "it's a Leica. That's... you know these go for a good penny on eBay. I restored a few myself..."
"Really?" She leans in and he almost loses feeling in his fingers. She's so close but doesn't seem to realise. Being so small, she probably doesn't think about it.
"Oh, sure," he plays with the shutter button. "I could have a look over and see if it's still in good condition. Do you mind if... I take it home?"
"Yeah, that would be--" she reaches for her bag again and finds her small blue wallet inside. "I could pay you--"
"What? No," he waves her off. "It's fun to me."
"Right, um..."
"I could have it done in like a day or two," he can barely hear himself over the thumping of his heart. Is he really going to ask? "Maybe we could meet up?"
"Oh, sure. I could... I could do that," she widens her eyes and they look even bigger.
"Okay... uh, maybe we could exchange numbers?"
"That sounds good," she bounces on her soles. "Let me just..." she takes out her phone in its butterfly case, "what's yours? I'll send you a message."
He recites the numbers, his tongue sticking as he focus on getting every digit right. She smiles and taps the screen triumphantly.
"There, uh, okay, you hold onto that," she sticks up a spindly finger, "and I will wait patiently for your phone call!"
"Sure, cool, yeah," he stammers, fighting his own excitement. He takes out his phone. "I'll save your number now."
"Have a good one, Mr. Parker," she gives a little hop. "I gotta go get my train."
'Guess who just got her number!'
She flits out right as he says "you two" missing the "sweetheart" at the end. He stares at the door then slowly peeks down at his phone. He adds her to his contacts then flips over to the discord chat. He smirks as he keys in his message.
A rolling eye emoji comes from Bucky and Thor sends a celebrating one. Curtis gives a thumb up and several others see the message.
'Did you get it or steal it?' Jake snarks.
Peter sneers and blacks the screen. He's not arguing with those idiots again. They're just jealous.
#peter parker#dark peter parker#dark!peter parker#peter parker x reader#spider-man#series#marvel#mcu#drabble#watchers anonymous#avengers#shutter
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"Star-Crossed Blades" - Writing Update #2
Month: January Stage: First draft Word Count: 7785 Currently Listening To: Ep 3 of "Monty Don's British Gardens" Beverage: Chai latte Mood: Anxious
It's going well! In the past week I've written the prologue, chapter one, and about half of chapter two. I've got almost the whole novel plotted out, which is very strange for me (I'm usually much more of a "pantser" than this!) and I even have the two main characters' voices very strongly in my mind. I've been bombarding close friends with all my little thoughts and ideas, and, at the risk of sounding immodest, I really think I have something here. I really do.
There are two problems I'm facing right now. The first is that with such a clear story in my head, practically screaming in my ear to get out into the world, I simply can't write quickly enough. I'm not a very fast writer in general, truth be told. I enjoy writing - I'm not one of these people who complains about the act unless I'm burnt out or dealing with an awkward scene. Generally speaking, I love doing this and actually writing is just as much fun as sharing the finished result. Still, I wish I could be quicker this time around, or at least I wish I didn't need a day job so I could spend the bulk of my energy on SCB instead of data entry and wearing a bra.
The second problem I'm dealing with, is that I'm coming fresh from the fandom space. I'm used to posting chapters as I finish them, and having people to talk to about characters and plot developments. That sense of community is very difficult to do without, especially when I'm practically boiling over to talk about what I'm doing.
I'm part of a few servers on Discord, and I'm trying to spread my excitement across them so I'm not being a huge bore by talking constantly about my WIP. It's difficult, though! I'm so torn between wanting to sit on it, to keep it all secret so I can get people's reactions when the whole thing is finished, or to just blurt it all out like a fog horn to anyone who will listen.
I've been going backwards and forwards about finding a platform I can post it chapter by chapter, as I have no plans to traditionally publish or go via KDP, but with the rise of plagiarism and pirating and AI scraping, I just don't think that's the best idea right now. There's Patreon, but I don't know how I feel about that, either.
It's a shame, really. If nothing else, all I ever want for my writing is for it to be read. At the moment I have a lovely, small but dedicated little group of people who are interested in my scribbles, and I worry that they'll have lost interest before I'm ready to share the whole, finished thing.
I'm in the unusual position of having a good idea how long this story will be, and it's going to take me a while to finish, I imagine. I can't see it'll be ready this year, and right now I'm aiming for September 2026 - that's a very long way off!
For now, I suppose I can only keep chugging along, and reminding myself how much I love this part of the journey. The rest I'll figure out as it comes!
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I can't decide whether to go to a burlesque show by myself or not.
#personal#i don't usually mind going to things by myself#but in this case i've never been to that type of show before so i have no idea what to expect#and i'm not usually into the club/late-night drinking scene so i deffo would feel at least slightly uncomfortable/anxious there#however i am very curious to see a burlesque show and i can get a ticket to one for a massive discount...#what to do
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now that i have successfully convinced some of you to give always come back a shot i can commence step two of my multi-part plan to microdose you on metal until you listen to scrap heap get y'all into his work by recommending nothing left to want, which is the pizzasim song of all time, no question. like. while almost all of the fnaf tracks off the album scrap heap are less about fnaf itself than nate's relationship to it (& the community) -- which gets them written off by said community, since they feel less "fnaf" and more "nate"... and nate's work is deeply, deeply personal in a way that is as cathartic as it can be uncomfortable. (he's very much a product of the emo scene and it shows!) but sleeping on them (and all of nate's work! go listen to his original stuff!) (he's in fucking sonic frontiers!) because they're less about Events than they are Feelings means missing out on some of the best fansongs out there
like, say, nothing left to want -- which is fucking excellent as a pizzasim song not because it's particularly interested in literal shit that happens in the game itself, but in the core of it, the emotions that drive the narrative forward. it bounces between nate's usual pop punk/rock -- heavily influenced by his work covering anime openings for decades -- into something much, much heavier, a false joy blending into jagged screaming as the song unravels. it's about nate choosing to leave the fandom scene behind after it became detrimental to his mental health, yeah, but it's also about someone putting a cheery facade over something dark & dangerous until it's ready to be unleashed -- to be put to rest, once and for all. performing until there's nothing left to want. how you have to pull the trigger on this thing you loved so much you destroyed each other.
Now I'm afraid you've been misinformed I know you've suffered, but it's time to be reborn I've heard myself, and now I'll practice the words that I preach It's so close but somehow out of reach
All my life I've debated But our connection is terminated And once the smoke has cleared I'll be waiting for all of you again on the other side
Now it's a new day and now's your time to shine The entertainment's enough to ease your mind Don't mind the voices you hear inside your head Don't mind the monsters that hide beneath your bed Don't wanna regret the message sent But it's what you said in the end (what you said in the end) Will you free me? Unbound my hands Then I'll wave farewell, singing "See you around, my friend"
it's as melancholic as it is angry, and it captures the duality of pizzasim -- a game that is lying to you about what it is half the time; a game about a deeply depressed man taking the legacy he created out with him; a game about leaving the old and the bad and the good and the new behind; a game about moving on by going back to usual -- perfectly. and, lest we forget: it fucking BANGS
if you have not listened to always come back by nwtb as a fnaf fan you have not yet lived. btw. like that is true of all of nate's songs (especially his original work) (please go listen to those) but this one especially sends me bouncing off the walls for how it manages to both humanise afton while cutting to the core of his character (as a manipulative bastard and coward trapped in his own self-fulfilling prophecy). and it BANGS
#speaking!#i had a whole paragraph here abt tying the lyrics back to this is the end#(another of his songs). Also#but it is so long & detracted from the scrap heap (album) appreciation#& is probably better suited for a wider post discussing how he links his songs together#one i can write when i am not. on my phone.#waiting for a family friend to come over for dinner.
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Hi! I love your Naruto thoughts and meta posts with all my heart and I want to ask your thoughts on something that has been on my mind literally since I was 13: what do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura? I went from being a hardcore shipper when I was a teenager, to being against any romantic relationship in Naruto after finishing the anime when I was in my early twenties. Nowadays I'm very into platonic love and depictions of friendship and I think the anime's obsession with forcing the "romantic interest" curse upon the main female character robbed us of... so much. There are a few wonderful moments in the anime where Sasuke and Sakura acknowledge each other, but because she's always "the girl with the crush", her actions are so often interpret as irrational or selfish by the fandom.
Hi @riemmetric! It's great to talk to you again! Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this; RL has been making demands of me lately and it took me way longer to finish writing this up than I wanted it to (then again, I knew from the minute I read your original ask that my reply was going to get long, so I suppose I should have predicted a delay XD)
It's funny, my sister once asked me to choose between Sasuke or Sakura for an “unpopular opinion” meme, and I ended up doing Sasuke solely because I think the negative fandom opinions about Sakura are so unhinged and divorced from the actual text that I wouldn’t even know where to start. People are entitled to dislike whatever characters they want, obviously, but there are some fandom takes that are, for me, so obviously rooted in bad faith viewings/readings that there’s no urge in me to discuss them. That said, since you asked, I’m happy to go into my own thoughts on this a bit, with the disclaimer for other potential readers that I only write about fandom things for my own personal enjoyment, not as a contribution to The Discourse. If you don’t like Sakura, great! I have no interest in changing your mind. Please consider this a sincere invitation to scroll on by and go enjoy whatever parts of the fandom appeal to you.
In general terms: I love Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship as much as I love all of the relationships in Team 7. If we’re talking about them specifically as a romantic couple, then I probably fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, because I do like them together in a post-canon (to be clear: non-Boruto) setting, after time has passed and they’ve continued to develop individually and reconnect with each other, but I also wouldn’t exactly call myself an intense “shipper,” in the sense that I have no interest in pulling things out from the text and incorrectly citing them as evidence that Sasuke has hidden romantic feelings for her during the canon period. He cares about her in the canon period, just like he cares about Naruto and Kakashi. That’s not up for interpretation; it’s the text. But Sasuke during the canon time period does not demonstrate specifically romantic interest in anyone.
[A note before people who might ship Sasuke with Someone Else emerge to rail against this statement - please just scroll past and continue enjoying fandom in whatever way is most fun for you. It is cool to ship whatever fanon thing you want; I think that’s great! But earnestly citing any loving or emotional thing Sasuke does re: various characters in this story (yes, Sakura included) as indicative of specifically romantic love isn’t supported by the text. I know there are always going to be enormous subsets of any fandom who insist that it is, and I'm certainly not going to barge into anyone else's space to complain about that (because other people having fun together is harmless and none of my business), but I'm not obligated to indulge it on my own blog, either.]
Anyway, that said - the reason why I love Sakura and Sasuke’s relationship (from here on out I’ll use “relationship” in a general, non-romantic sense) is precisely because Sakura isn’t just “the girl with the crush.” Sakura has an arc when it comes to Sasuke, and its trajectory moves in the exact opposite direction of “irrational” or “selfish.” She specifically goes from “the girl with the crush” to “the girl who steels herself and tries to put her personal feelings for Sasuke aside for the greater good” to “the girl who knows she can’t put her feelings aside, but who also knows full well that Sasuke doesn’t reciprocate them, and who still wants to save him regardless, because he matters to her as a person and a friend.”
[I'm putting the rest of this under a cut to save everyone's dash, and also to emphasize once again that this is a personal post on my personal blog which I wrote in response to a question from a personal acquaintance, the full content of which no one is obligated to read. I am not sending this post to random strangers and forcing them to look at it. I'm not even putting it in the character tags. I'm typing it up on my own blog and putting it under a cut. If you already know that you don't like Sakura, but you still click the link/read the post and then feel an urge to comment and complain, I am going to copy-paste this disclaimer and remind you that I specifically recommended that you scroll past and go have fun with fandom in your own way. Thanks in advance for responsibly curating your own fandom experience!]
So, from the top:
1. the girl with the crush
Sakura is, obviously, completely obsessed with Sasuke at the beginning of Part 1. She’s also deeply clueless about him and his history (bizarre though it is, the story seems to indicate that she initially doesn’t know what happened with his family, the same way young!Obito is initially clueless about Kakashi’s father). But what I like about Sakura and Sasuke’s Part 1 relationship is how this changes over time.
The critical scene that kicks this off happens right at the beginning of the manga, when she and Sasuke are talking by that bench - she complains about Naruto and blames his behavior on him being all alone/having no family to scold him; and even says she’s jealous that he doesn’t have parents to nag him all the time. This obviously triggers an outburst from Sasuke, who tells her she has no idea what loneliness means and that she “makes him sick”/she’s “annoying” (importantly, the exact same thing Sakura said to Naruto in anger earlier that day), which in turn prompts Sakura to reassess herself and wonder whether she’s been making Naruto feel this terrible all the time, too:
From that point on, it’s a process of her putting little pieces together. She still has a MAJOR crush, and she still acts like a twelve year-old, but as we approach the end of Part I, Sakura actually has a more accurate grasp on Sasuke’s current state of mind than Naruto does. Naruto is initially excited to fight Sasuke on top of the hospital, because he feels like Sasuke’s finally acknowledging him, whereas Sakura is the one who immediately recognizes that something is wrong about this situation. She is also the one who, after this fight, is concerned that Sasuke is really unwell and might do something drastic like run off in pursuit of the power Orochimaru promised him, but when she communicates this to Naruto, he assures her that this would NEVER happen:
(Sakura isn't convinced, though, because she goes to monitor the exit out of the village anyway.)
I’m not criticizing Naruto for his response here. I ADORE hearing him say that Sasuke is too strong to need Orochimaru, with such perfect confidence - I love seeing how much respect and admiration he has for Sasuke underneath all their fighting, because that’s the whole reason he’s always baiting Sasuke and yelling at him and claiming “you're not so great!” He looks up to Sasuke; he wants to be like Sasuke; he thinks Sasuke is awesome! (It’s that Obito @ Kakashi behavior, you know?) But the fact remains that he is clueless about what’s actually going on with Sasuke in Part 1, and he remains clueless(ly optimistic) for a long time.
(Eg, when he catches up to Sasuke during the retrieval arc and Sasuke climbs out of that cursed seal coffin, Naruto waves at him and calls "Come on, let's go!" as if Sasuke has been successfully rescued and is now going to come running home. Even in Part II, when Naruto hears that Sasuke killed Orochimaru, he beams and immediately says, “So he must be on his way back to the Leaf Village!” And everyone else in the room is like, “....,” because they know better. Naruto doesn’t yet fully understand [or doesn't want to accept] the extent to which Sasuke has willingly chosen this path, and it’s not until after Jiraiya’s death/the Pain attack/the Five Kage Summit that Naruto really starts to understand Sasuke more clearly, which is something he himself admits.)
Sakura, in Part 1, has access to more information about Sasuke - she’s there for his first dissociative monologue during the bells test, she’s there for the curse mark’s placement, she’s there for his first violent transformation in the Forest of Death - she is, in fact, the unwitting catalyst for it (“Sakura…who did this to you?”), and her compassion is the reason Sasuke is later able to overcome the curse mark’s influence - so she has a more accurate/complete picture of “how he’s doing,” for lack of a better phrase, whereas Naruto, who doesn’t know about the curse mark in the first place, is still in the dark. This means that Sakura is able to accurately discern that Sasuke is struggling more than Naruto realizes, and specifically to predict that he’s going to run away.
(This dynamic is then interestingly flipped in the back half of Part II, since at any point after the Five Kage Summit, Sakura doesn’t have access to extremely relevant [if currently questionable and unproven] details that would in any other circumstance inform her behavior).
Of course, just because she has more info in Part 1 doesn’t mean she has some kind of miraculous insight into Sasuke’s every thought and feeling. There are parts of her attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village that are as clueless as any of Naruto’s assumptions, and they showcase the kind of magical thinking common to childhood - like when she says that if he stayed with her, she could give him happiness, she’d do anything for him, even help him get his revenge - this idea that she herself can do something to make him feel better, that she can love him powerfully enough to defeat his pain - obviously none of that is rooted in realism.
Is this part of her approach irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered? Of course it is! But it’s no more irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered than Naruto’s stated plan to drag Sasuke back to the village even if he has to “break every bone in [his] body!”
Hating on Sakura for her Part 1 attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village while simultaneously lauding Naruto for his feels like a bad faith misread of what is, to me, pretty clear narrative intention. The story doesn’t at any point intend for us to see her begging him to stay as a selfish or conniving attempt to get something she wants. She’s begging him to stay for the same underlying reason that Naruto is: she cares about him. She thinks he’s making a mistake that will only cause him more pain in the end (she’s right) and she wants to make it so he feels less pain right now (she can’t. But she doesn’t understand that/isn’t able to admit that, and she’s willing to try ANYTHING that might help).
It’s critical that this farewell scene is set in front of that same bench from their first important confrontation - she references that day and how angry he got at her, and this time she tells him that she understands his reaction. She’s learned things and she recognizes how insensitive she was being back then (“I know what happened to your clan, Sasuke”), even though she still can’t fully grasp all the complexities of the situation. She tells him that him blowing up at her back then helped her understand what loneliness actually meant (as opposed to her previous shallow understanding of it), and she challenges him about his choice right now: "So that's it, you're choosing the lonely path?" And when she tells him that she'll be very lonely if he leaves, we're immediately shown a panel of Sasuke thinking of both his friends, with the very clear implication that if he goes through with this, he will be lonely without them, too - that he's still struggling with the idea of leaving them, no matter how hard he tries to pretend:
Sakura at this point knows that Sasuke isn’t interested in her the way she is in him, but she still wants to give him happiness, however fantastical and immature her ideas sound to us (and, I’m sure, to him). “I’ll do anything, even help you get your revenge/we'll have fun every day, and...and you'll be happy! I'll make sure of it!” - of course, it’s completely childish. It’s irrational. It’s ridiculous to think that any of this would ever be effective, but no more ridiculous than Naruto’s belief that he can simply break every bone in Sasuke’s body and keep him in the Leaf by force.
Both Naruto and Sakura are children who have a deeply oversimplified understanding of Sasuke’s situation. They both still think they can fix him themselves. They both think they can save him themselves. They both think they can convince (or force) him to do what they want, what they think is in his best interests. Both of them don’t yet understand that he has to want to come back, if it’s ever going to mean anything. Their attempts to keep him in the village are immature and unrealistic, yes. What they aren’t, however, is selfish, because neither Sakura nor Naruto are doing any of this with the intention of advancing their own interests. They’re only thinking about Sasuke - how to keep Sasuke safe, how to make Sasuke happy - even when neither of them are taking an approach that will actually work.
Naruto and Sakura are children. They’re afraid of losing somebody they care about. Their attempts to prevent that from happening are desperate and messy and ultimately ineffective, but they are also genuinely felt and rooted in a true desire to rescue Sasuke from his pain, which - and this is the single most important thing that should impact our viewing of Part 1 - is something that Sasuke RECOGNIZES. He doesn’t spend that agonizingly long moment bowed over Naruto’s defeated body so we can pretend he doesn’t understand that Naruto was just trying to help him. He doesn’t take the time to murmur, “Sakura…thank you,” before laying her out carefully on a bench, just so we can discount it and pretend that he doesn’t recognize and appreciate her genuine intention to make things better for him, however clumsy that attempt might have been.
2. the greater good
If Stage 1 Sakura is "the girl with the crush," then Stage 2 Sakura is a progression to “the girl who decides to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to protect innocent people, including (but certainly not limited to) Naruto.” She’s driven to this decision by interactions with Shikamaru, who all too recently had to grow up fast himself (“We're not kids anymore...we can't allow a war to break out between the Hidden Leaf and the Hidden Cloud because of Sasuke") and Sai, who risks his new friendship with Sakura and Team 7 in order to speak some hard truths and deliver one of my favorite lines in the whole story: “I don’t know what promise Naruto made to you, but it’s really no different than what was done to me. It’s like a curse mark.”
(INCREDIBLE. How can anybody be complaining about a season where Sai gets to say something that goes THIS HARD and Sakura LISTENS and takes DRAMATIC ACTION that actually propels the story forward in a meaningful way - )
[Okay, yeah, brief personal opinion interlude - it is just bonkers wild to me that there are people who complain about Sakura in the Five Kage Summit arc. That entire season is the greatest character arc she ever has. Literally she has never been more interesting and dynamic than in Season 10; it’s the first time she ever gets to be as deep and fascinating as the boys; what is everybody so worked up about? Oh, “she lied to Naruto that one time” - Sasuke joined infant-kidnapping baby-murdering human experimentation machine Orochimaru when he was twelve years old in order to (dare I say it????) selfishly pursue his personal goals and yet, somehow, we are still able to root for him. He abandoned his friends/allies to imprisonment and death (Suigetsu and Jūgo) or outright stabbed them in the chest himself (Karin) in order to (SELFISHLY) get what he wanted, and yet, somehow, we are still able to love him, understand him, and be on his side. Naruto is canonically not upset with Sakura about her lie after receiving context for the situation and I think we can probably take our cues from him without feeling the need to bring her up on war crimes; please calm down]
[Sorry, I just really love most of Season 10 and think it’s one of the best examples of how good this story can be when every single character gets to do something that matters (as opposed to things being all Naruto, all the time) so I get a little bit worked up over people complaining about some of the best writing Sakura ever gets. I don’t understand what certain elements of fandom want from her. People complain about her being “useless” and not doing anything that contributes to the story, but then they complain just as much when she does finally get to act decisively and have just as complex/dynamic an inner world as the boys. She’s “weak” for being unreasonably in love with Sasuke, but when she tries to be “strong” and put her love for him aside and eliminate him in order to protect Naruto and the rest of the world, she’s evil, because she should have been more understanding of his situation (despite the fact that she doesn’t KNOW anything about his situation). But then when she can’t go through with killing him after all because she cares about him too much despite the things he’s done, she’s not "compassionate" or "kind" or "a good friend," she’s “weak” again. Nothing Sakura does in S10 is more wrongheaded or rash than any of the batshit, buckwild things Naruto and Sasuke have done in the past (and will continue to do in the future), but when Naruto and Sasuke have big feelings or take bold action, it makes them interesting characters, whereas Sakura can’t breathe in anyone’s direction without being minutely scrutinized for moral impurities.]
Anyway. Back to a more measured response.
Every single piece of development Sakura has with regard to Sasuke in this season satisfies me so much. Her initial shock and disbelief at hearing that Sasuke had joined the Akatsuki? Good, appropriate. The fact that she starts to acknowledge the reality of what Sasuke’s done sooner than Naruto does? Also extremely appropriate, very in-character for both of them. Her taking Sai’s words to heart and deciding that the promise she asked Naruto to make when they were children is causing him to suffer and she has to relieve him of that burden? Juicy! AND thematically significant (promises!!!! the burden that a promise places on a person, especially when it can't be kept - we've seen that before in this story and we'll see it again). Her anguished pivot from wanting to protect Sasuke to realizing that she has a responsibility to protect the countless innocents who will die because of the war he’s trying to start? HELLO THIS IS INCREDIBLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Her knocking out the classmates who agreed to help her so they don’t have to share in her burden (and so the only person Naruto will hate when it’s over is her)? BRUH. Her being so committed and focused on her goal of saving innocents and protecting Naruto (not just from being harmed by Sasuke/the Akatsuki, but by the possibility that Naruto will someday have to hurt Sasuke himself) that she tries to take everything on by herself and walks into a confrontation that she absolutely cannot win?? INCREDIBLE. (Literally the first time I watched this, I said, “Finally!!! It’s Sakura’s turn to go off the rails!” I laughed with my sister about how Kakashi isn’t even mad, because Naruto and Sasuke have been pulling stunts like this for years and Sakura was way overdue for her own meltdown.) And then, after Kakashi intervenes in the fight - Sakura barreling back into the battle when she realizes he’s going to take on the burden of killing Sasuke himself in order to spare her and Naruto the horror - “I can’t let Kakashi-sensei bear this burden!” I love her for that.
And then, of course, in the end - her not being able to do hurt Sasuke after all. Despite committing herself to the act, despite forcing herself to put her feelings for him aside, despite resolving to stop him from starting a war and killing innocent people, she can’t harm him. She cares about him too much. This, too, is thematically significant - think about Itachi’s “you don’t have enough hatred” - she doesn’t have enough hatred to kill someone she cares about, even if it seems like he deserves it, even if would be the right thing to do to protect others. She can’t do it, and Sasuke almost kills her for her compassion.
I love the dynamic this sets up between her and Sasuke, for a few reasons:
1) Personally, I think Sasuke respects Sakura much more for trying to kill him than he would have if she’d just tried to talk him out of his behavior or beg him to come home (a la their original confrontation in Part 1). This is the first significant interaction he’s had with Sakura in years, and the fact that she does something SO contrary to his memory of her is an important demonstration of the fact that she’s not the same girl she used to be. Sasuke spends a lot of time after his defection declaring to his old team “I’ve changed; I’m not that person anymore,” but this is one of the moments where he’s forced to acknowledge that his teammates have changed, too. Time didn’t just stop for them when he left. While he was turning into someone new, so were they. They grew up without him, and his old memories of them can’t encompass the whole picture of who they are now.
(This is a little tangential, but in general, I love the spectrum of reactions that Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi have in this sequence, and the way that all of them are ultimately messages Sasuke needs to hear. Sasuke - who we know textually regrets what he did here, who apologizes to Sakura for it later - for “everything,” in fact - needs Naruto’s aggressively optimistic open-arms policy, yes, needs that potential, that unconditional possibility of return. He also needs Sakura’s refusal to let him hurt her friends and start a war that will kill thousands of people, needs her surprisingly ruthless attempt to take him down; needs just as much her failure to do so, because it shows him that she still loves him too much to kill him even as she condemns him. And he needs Kakashi’s grim line in the sand, needs someone who very possibly won't hesitate like Sakura (despite the horrifying personal cost), someone who will try to reach him but also won't let him escape and become the next generation’s Orochimaru, who won't let him cause untold suffering to untold numbers of people just because a teacher loved him too much to stop him when he had the chance.
(And then even Kakashi chooses not to deliver a killing blow when he has the opportunity -)
(I know that in fandom people are more likely to be all, “oh, Naruto Good, everybody else Bad,” but I don’t think the narrative frames Sakura or Kakashi as “worse” than Naruto in any way. The story goes out of its way to make it clear how desperately they don’t want to hurt Sasuke and how much they care about him. And [this is just my interpretation, so obviously I won’t claim it as fact], I personally think that Sasuke - Sasuke, who, looking back, can see how lost he was then and how tortured he would have been if he’d gone through with many of his plans - would be grateful to Sakura and Kakashi for making an attempt to stop him when he couldn’t stop himself.)
2) On the other side of this, the fact that Sakura wasn’t able to deliver the killing blow means a lot. Sasuke was incapacitated under that bridge; he was completely at her mercy - but she stopped with the kunai an inch from his back. She couldn’t kill him, even though she knew that he was completely willing to kill her (because he'd attempted to Chidori-assassinate her from behind just a few minutes ago). That’s huge! Sasuke is too out of his head right now to process this or understand it, but later, it's going to matter. She stayed her hand. She spared his life. She loved him too much to hurt him, even when he’d given her every reason to take him down. She hesitated, and he almost killed her for it, but her inability to strike him ultimately gave him yet another chance to come home, another chance to get better, another chance to have a life outside of his pain. Despite everything, some part of her still hadn’t really given up on him, and that knowledge will matter later, when he’s finally able to acknowledge it.
The point of all this is to say that I really have no complaints about Sakura and Sasuke’s dynamic in their S10 confrontation. This season is the point where Sakura fully grows past her “girl with a crush” stage and into her “shinobi must make very harsh decisions” adulthood, but it never means that she doesn’t care about the person she’s trying to take down. Her ultimate inability to deliver the killing blow remains a dangling lifeline for her relationship with Sasuke, an open door that Sasuke is able to walk through at the end of the story (literally, in fact, when Sakura opens that portal for him and saves him from Kaguya’s desert prison, and figuratively, too, when Sasuke apologizes to her).
3. she only wants to save you
The last stage in their relationship is what Sakura settles into during the war arc. She started off Part 1 being just a girl with a crush, then tried to harden her heart and put her feelings for Sasuke aside in service of the greater good, but she was unable to actually follow through and kill him, and because of that, what she’s come to accept by the war arc is actually two things: that 1) Sasuke truly is willing to let her die if it furthers his goals, and 2) she wants to save him anyway.
She has no intention of pursuing Sasuke romantically. She knows full well that Sasuke isn’t interested in her. She even knows that Sasuke isn’t really on their side (there’s a great scene where Sai questions Sakura about Sasuke’s return, and she reassures him that everything is fine, and Sai sadly thinks to himself “even I can tell your smile is fake”). She’s well-aware that Sasuke didn’t try to help her when Madara stabbed her. She’s well-aware that he left her to die in the lava pit. She’s also well-aware that none of this is enough to make her stop loving him. He doesn’t have to care about her - she still cares about him. She still wants to help him. She still wants to save him.
This is not hidden, hard-to-parse character development. It’s explicitly articulated on the page:
Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers! She only wants to save you.
I’m not sure if people look at this last confrontation and unquestioningly take Sasuke at his word (as if we haven’t just read 71 volumes/watched 700 episodes showing us how how painfully distorted his thinking is), or if they stop reading/watching before the end of the scene, or if they don’t understand that Sasuke saying something doesn’t make that statement an accurate representation of reality. The entire point of this scene is to show us how deeply mistaken Sasuke is about Sakura (and, by extension, the rest of Team 7). He’s locked into a false pattern of thinking. His single-minded focus on revenge and destruction has blinded him to the unconditional love his friends feel for him; he’s become so accustomed to using others and being used that he can’t understand or accept that someone would care about him without needing a reason, without needing him to love them back, without needing to receive something from him in exchange.
Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers! She only wants to save you.
Sasuke matters to Sakura as more than a love interest. He always has. She does love him romantically, yes, but she doesn’t only love him romantically, and her desire to help him is not and has never been contingent on him returning her feelings, romantically or otherwise. Sasuke isn’t able to acknowledge that in this scene, but that doesn’t mean we’re supposed to just sit back and agree with his warped perspective. Kakashi is the one who’s explicitly positioned as the voice of the narrative here. We, as the audience, are supposed to recognize that Kakashi is the one telling us the truth.
[tangential thing 1: You don’t have to love Sakura's last plea to Sasuke here. It’s not my favorite, either - the best part, other than Kakashi’s speech at the end, is the moment after Kakashi collapses when Sakura’s expression changes from pained uncertainty to pure rage, when she grits her teeth together - when I first saw that, I almost leapt out of my seat like “Oh my god. She’s finally going to let him have it. It’s finally happening - ” I wanted that so badly, and I still think it would have been a more effective writing choice for Sakura’s last words to lean more into her anger at the suffering Sasuke is causing all of them (himself included!) and less into yet another of Kishimoto’s “let me have Sakura articulate what a shame it is that she can’t do as much as Naruto despite the fact that I literally just went through a major reveal sequence in the war to show that she’s caught up to the boys; I can’t make up my mind about whether I want her to progress or not” - it’s extremely frustrating (and it's something he does at the very end of the S10 Team 7 reunion, too, which is the ONLY moment of S10 that falls flat for me). But at the same time, even if there are ways this sequence could be more satisfying, it doesn’t change the fact that her plea to him is not remotely motivated by a desire to be with him romantically and not anything to condemn her for.]
[tangential thing 2: I do like how she remembers that moment when Sasuke says “Thank you.” That panel precedes her saying “If there’s even a tiny corner of your heart that thinks about me…” (which I’m sure is one of the things that people like to criticize about this scene, aka “oh she’s sooooo self-centered” etc), but that particular line of dialogue is preceded by that particular flashback panel for a reason: Sakura knows that Sasuke DOES think about her. He thinks about all of them. Sakura remembers that “thank you,” and it reminds her that despite everything Sasuke has done and said since, despite all evidence to the contrary, she knows in her bones that his expression of gratitude back then was genuine. He cared about her once. He cared about all of them. She’s trying to reach the part of him that still does, if it exists.]
[tangential thing 3: The fact that Kakashi says “she suffers from loving you,” and it triggers Sasuke to remember his own family - thinking about how much he suffered (and still suffers) from loving them - “Perhaps…those are the ties to a failed past” - the idea that it’s not worth it to have bonds if it means you suffer this much…that it’s too difficult, it’s too painful, and if Sakura and the rest of Team 7 were smarter they would just give it up (all Sasuke knows how to do now is sever potential bonds before they can hurt him; so why aren’t Sakura and the rest of his teammates doing that, why can’t they let it go, why are they making this so hard - ) << yeah, he clearly doesn't care about her/them at all.]
4. the shadow of my family
This has all been a really long way to answer the original question, but the short response to “What do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura?” is “I really care about it,” just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Naruto, just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Kakashi. And I don’t think the story ever asks me to choose between them.
I’m not sure whether it’s the impact of Boruto-era “canon” that gets in the way of other people approaching things this way (I don’t consider sequel material when I evaluate the original story), or if it’s Kishimoto’s frequent disinterest in/disrespect towards female characters, which yes, does sometimes make it harder, or if it's a shipping thing (bane of my existence), or some combination of factors, but for me, taking one member of Team 7 out of the equation hobbles the rest of the story. I can’t read/watch Naruto while hating one of the protagonists and loving the other three. It doesn’t work like that for me. The story wasn’t written that way, and there’s nothing in the text that would cause me to receive it that way.
That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with disliking one of the main foursome (or any character, for that matter) - obviously we're all going to have different preferences, and everyone is free to enjoy or reject whatever parts of a story they want, or to like or dislike whatever characters they want. I know that some people have more fun disregarding canon and doing their own thing, which is fine. My own personal zone of enjoyment comes from receiving the story as closely to how I think it was intended to be read as I can, and personally, when I look at this particular story, what I see is that all the members of Team 7 clearly demonstrate their love for Sasuke in ways that he himself later recognizes and acknowledges. All of them are driven by their desire to save him and their unwillingness to hurt him. All of them make repeated choices to chase after him when he runs away, to trust him when he hasn't exactly earned it, to give him another chance when he doesn't appear to deserve it. ALL of them, not just Naruto, do these things multiple times throughout the story, and Sasuke owes his life (and thus his eventual recovery) to ALL of them, many times over. Kakashi disobeys Hokage-elect Danzō and breaks the law to negotiate for Sasuke's life with a foreign head of state. Sakura and Kakashi both have opportunities to kill Sasuke in the Land of Iron, and they choose to spare him instead. Kakashi stops Sasuke from killing his only friends at two different points in the story, which would have been a mistake Sasuke couldn't have recovered from. Sasuke would have died in Kaguya's desert dimension if Sakura hadn't saved him (Sakura, who knew that Sasuke wasn't even truly on her side yet, who knew he'd abandoned her for dead multiple times already that day). Kaguya's bone bullet would have killed Sasuke too, if Kakashi, with his intention to die in Sasuke's place, hadn't leapt in front of it (Kakashi, who also knew that Sasuke wasn't fully on their side yet, who also knew that Sasuke had abandoned him for dead earlier that day). Sasuke and Naruto would have BOTH died in the Final Valley if Sakura and a severely injured Kakashi hadn't chased after them to heal their injuries.
Remove any one member of Team 7, and Sasuke never makes it home. Without the combined efforts of all three of his teammates, he doesn't survive. That’s the way it should be, thematically, for a story whose first and most foundational premise was the importance of teamwork, and since Sakura was just as essential to that framework as everyone else, I’m just as invested in her relationship with Sasuke as I am in his relationship with everyone else. You can’t remove one leg from a four-legged stool without damaging the integrity of the entire structure, and for me, discounting any single member of Team 7 irreparably damages the integrity of the entire story.
TL;DR: I love all of the Team 7 relationships, including Sakura and Sasuke's, because despite what some segments of fandom seem to believe, the text of the story never gives me any reason not to.
#naruto#meta#replies#anyway that's that! hopefully that is a helpful answer#thank you for the question! i honestly don't think i would have ever gotten around to writing about this if i hadn't been directly asked#i love talking about the stories i enjoy (obviously; we all do; that's why we're here)#but i'm usually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about responding to takes that blatantly misread the narrative to justify hating a particular character or ship#mostly because a) it's whatever. as long as people mind their own business and leave me to enjoy myself they can do what they want#and b) some opinions are so divorced from the actual text that they're not worth discussing#like. what's the point of responding to random internet posts saying that sakura was selfishly pursuing sasuke as a lover the entire time#when that is textually and provably not the case?#if you're that committed to experiencing things in direct contradiction to what the narrative is asking of us then just go ahead#is it mildly annoying to me? sure. but so are lots of things and it's better to just let stuff go#like - i initially planned to take this piece of meta all the way up through sakura and sasuke's last scene together#the one where he tells her 'maybe next time' and finally reclaims and redefines itachi's forehead tap (INCREDIBLE. THIS SCENE.)#but ultimately i changed my mind because everything i wrote for that last section was coming out too harsh#i generally prefer to talk about fandom stuff in a chill/friendly approachable way#but i kept thinking about the most obscenely & disrespectfully inaccurate read of that scene i'd ever seen#and i couldn't figure out how to talk about it in a non-scathing way#that scene and the one where naruto gives sasuke's headband back are the ONLY well-written things about the finale of naruto#they are SO perfectly constructed and i can't respond to people slandering either one without feeling an urge to kill#so i just deleted it. partially because again - this is fandom; it's not that serious; people can do what they want#but also because i know i get extra frustrated about people picking over the text and plucking out isolated bits and pieces#to contort into blatantly misinterpreted mutant shapes that 'confirm' whatever pre-existing judgments or ships they had#instead of experiencing the story as a cohesive whole & keeping in mind the greater context of what it's always been trying to communicate#people on this website say 'we all interpret things differently :)' as if it means no one can ever be wrong about what a text is saying#newsflash: not all interpretations of a text are valid. things can't in fact mean whatever you want them to mean.#the ***story*** persists and exists even if the author is dead to you#if you choose to ignore that then that's fine; it's just fandom; who cares. but i'm not going to pretend you're 'analyzing' anything.#(ok now i'm really done. you can see why i deleted this section XD)
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"For a self-proclaimed researcher... I thought you'd know by now that Psychic-types are weak against Ghost." "Morty-ehehe! B-But I'm nohohot a type specialist!" "Maybe should've thought of that first before deciding to wake me up so early."
A spiritual successor to this lil doodle of mine 🫣💖💕
#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#morty/eusine#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon tickle#'tis the season to be giggly or however that song goes askjdasnd//////////////////#pretty much a self-indulgent treat for myself this holiday season SDKJFSNKDFNS it's been real quiet this time 'round#I honestly don't usually look forward to christmas anyways since I have some bad memories tied to it :'D though it has been exceptionally--#--all over the place this year; partly on the busyness and errands being run on my household's side--#--though mainly on my own headspace and how I haven't.............. been great- these past few months#December in particular has been a time of reflection for me and it's just--been a lot - to grapple with#I needed to distance myself from things to try to make sense of myself---and still - I'm not quite sure where to go from here just yet#but I'll figure it out - one day. I finally do have a schedule with that new psychologist so that's something to look forward to#and I'm trying to get my bearings where I am now so--that's at least something to be grateful for I feel ❤️#got a bit sad there so I deserve to draw my sillies being tickly as a gift for myself yes yes akjsdajsknd#I've always wanted to draw a lee!Eusine ever since he's been implanted in my mind graaaaaaAAAHHHHHHHHHH /affectionate#let them be soft and sweet and domestic and silly with each other it's what they deserve 🫵🫵🫵
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[Image Description: a set of five edited bug fables screenshots from the pre-battle zommoth encounter. The first is the same as in-game, Kabbu saying "W-What is that!? Something's coming!" The second is of zommoth appearing on screen with its sprite edited to be various shades of pink and yellow, wings the same pattern as Leif's (but still with the purple blight magic stuff in the chest area.) The next three images have the sprite edited in the same way.. The third image is of Leif's saying "...Wh, Rkejrm-m-Muse!? Kjdrira, mebsrgr...!!!" The next is Kabbu saying "Muse!? Leif, that's..." The final is Vi saying "T-That doesn't make any sense!" End ID]
I thought about one of my fucked up and evil au ideas for five minutes again, so I decided to spend like fifty hours making a thing about it. Basically what if Muse went back into Snakemouth later to try to rescue Leif or at least bring back his body and got caught by the roaches.
Putting just the edited sprites under the cut if you wanna see those without the lab mood lighting:
#bug fables#bug fables spoilers#muse bug fables#or as I've been saving my files for this as:#Zommuse#:3#Leif bug fables#despite taking a super long time (not actually fifty hours but it felt like it) this was fun!#I am so much more comfortable with writing than visual art stuff but since I don't have any specific thoughts on the scenario#past this moment this is a way easier way to get my thought across in slightly more description than my one paragraph up there#eyedropped all the colors off Muze and Grandpa's sprites and then played with them a bit to make them go together nicer#part of the length was me figuring out how to do stuff and part of it was because I had to stitch some stuff together inconveniently#as I said earlier: aa spoiled me. what with having all the game assets and backgrounds either conveniently already extracted#or at least mechanically very easy to get myself because it's all just pixels and all the bits are on different layers!#(also storywise I usually tend to go with giving muse fire magic when I'm thinking things. but keeping the blight was easier shorthand.#and also all those times she's more on leif's end of the cordyceps spectrum. mind more there. so.)
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so hot out. fainted twice already today! chugged a gatorade. trying to do things but i think the rest of the day will be for lying on the floor. trying not to get lost in my brain but this place is full of ghosts and i am haunted. just going to hold. until i leave tomorrow night.
#personal#vent#don't know what to tag this as tbh#abuse tw#have been more psychotic this week then in a long time#almost every day i have been hallucinating angels. talking to some of them#anyway. apparently this is the city i go to if i want to talk to angels.#have been mostly holding it together but i can tell that the edges#are leaking. i can't read long paragraphs right now because the angels have so much commentary#i drove past the place where i first started doing survival sw and one of the angels told me that she is furious with god for trapping her#and i cannot write or think until the angels are quieter. i cannot remember things about myself right now. it's hot and i'm melting and#the angels talking is new. usually they just spend time in electrical lines and pigeons. and such. and i know they're there#i don't mind them too much but i would like to be able to read without them critiquing the analysis LMFAO
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this review for the ballad of songbirds and snakes is going to be critical so if you loved this book and don't want to see that critique then you are welcome to skip this post. im willing to have civil conversation and im also very willing to hear other points of views bc i love discussing books (and who knows! maybe someone could change my mind) BUT if you're at all going to be nasty and/or take it personally, then you will likely be blocked.
im gonna be so honest... the ballad of songbirds and snakes was a decent book. but. i don't think it actually added anything to the overall story. it added some perspective, maybe, to how snow became snow but it also felt... pointless? i think if I'm going to get a villain origin story, i want it to make me feel conflicted, or at least somewhat understanding to how the villain turned out that way. i want it to show me the gray area. but this book just... didn't do it for me. none of it was surprising. and also, from the beginning, i didn't overall care that much to know what made him this way, because the end result was still the same, and nothing happened to change that feeling for me. bc the only way snow was interesting was how he was as the villain. there was nothing beyond that to interest me, and i think that's what this book was trying to use as the draw. and moreover, to expand on my opinion that it didn't add to the series: i think it relied solely on easter eggs from the original trilogy to make you think it was adding anything. like "see, look at this reference i made! doesn't it remind you of the original books?" idk. like i said, it's a DECENT book on it's own. the writing is good, the story itself isn't bad--it just also gives you no reason to invest in the main character, and i think to some degree that's something that's supposed to draw you into a book. and like i mentioned, nothing surprised me. i saw all of it coming. i predicted every twist before it happened. which isn't always a bad thing! but i was also mostly underwhelmed when the twists DID happen. i was hesitant to read this book in the first place, hence why im only reading it now after the movie release bc my partner wants to see it, and honestly? im not feeling like i gained anything from the experience. i had fun reading it bc, again, it's written fairly well, but at the end of it, im just feeling.... meh.
(spoilers ahead in this paragraph only) i at first thought the only thing it added was why snow dislikes the mockingjays but the more i consider it, it didn't really even add that much either. he was just creeped out by them??? hmm.... (unless, and this might be reaching, he hated the mockingjays bc they showed him his true feelings about lucy??? there's a line about how he was getting tired of her music and maybe the fact that the mockingjays repeated music instead of voice, like the jabberjays (which he had no problem with) was like... his true feelings coming through? I'll have to sit with that and see what i think)
i will say, the parallels between characters in this book and the original trilogy are interesting and i will enjoy seeing those analyses but, again, i don't really feel like it added anything. i still think snow would have done the exact same things without them. because he never ACTUALLY cared about anyone at all, except for how he could use them. how they made him look.
if anyone is interested in a star rating, i gave it 3/5 bc the reading experience was relatively enjoyable, and the writing itself was good imo, and as a stand alone story it was not bad but also not excellent. it was all "just okay". and im trying to rate this as it's own story, not as part of of the whole. however, it being part of that whole is what makes me feel so let down
#text post#the hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#also the way i rate things may be different than you so if you read my take and think i rated it too high just keep that in mind#if i had a good time reading it i usually end up giving it 3 stars even if i don't think it's perfect#< unless the book has actually glaring problems in how it presented or handled things#also before someone comes at me saying i set myself up for failure bc of my low expectations going in:#if im going into a book like this and im skeptical i still ALWAYS hope for best and give it every shot to prove me wrong#it just didn't this time
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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Art school is so completely draining and deflating some times
#don't mind me#I know I haven’t posted in ages#I just need to share how absolutely demotivating having a bad critique day is#it's so frustrating to have spent an entire school year trying to figure out how to win in this class#and I never did#I couldn’t find the groove of what the profs were looking for#and ended up just making a bunch of art that I don’t particularly like or care about#I thought this project was going to go over well...#I was sorely mistaken#the feedback honestly wasn't super horrible#but I feel like people didn't understand the meaning and I wasn’t really given the space to advocate for myself like we usually do#idk anymore#I'm just tired and frustrated#just art student things
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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:)
#thinking about the idea of romantic love and confused as usual#do folks really experience this as different in any way from other types of affectionate feelings?#to me romantic love is just the same as every other love but with the intention to commit#it says more about compatibility and responsibility than about the way one feels?#i feel love feelings for almost everything from strangers to clouds to the mold in an old soup container that looks like a galaxy#it all feels the same (good!)#i say i have a crush when i find myself thinking about somebody disproportionately often#i say i love my partner as an affirmation that i'm committed to his wellbeing#as somebody that's probably very very difficult to spend time with i find relationships fascinating and it makes sense to me#that people would pair off (or form groups or whatever) because a compatible person(s) can be a very special thing!!#but like other than that what??#is there a physical sensation what am i even looking for here#anyway i'm pretty comfortable in my self-conception but i do see the word aromantic and go hmmmmmmm#but i do feel such strong affectionate feelings! chest gets bubbly face gets smiley!#it's just not correlated with a specific scenario or type of relationship or object of affection#just going off and getting distracted at work don't mind me
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sorry for sending you an ask about this but i saw your tags on the warrior cats post about neutering and i just wanted to let you know that they actually do take away the cats balls, they leave the sack but the balls are what gets removed. eventually the sack shrinks and like goes away because of the lack of nuts inside. so i guess bluestar did know what she was talking about in the end
this is. literally what i said. also, i've had neutered male cats with balls (or a sack as you put it, i am using informal words here) that you can see. which is. where i'm getting my information from. btw.
so. Bluestar still had to have looked at a lot of kittypet ass very closely to figure this out.
plus, gonna reiterate, we should also consider that this series just isn't very well written. in all seriousness, as a writer myself, Warriors is a badly written series that should have ended over a dozen books ago, with authors who make shit up & don't bother to communicate with each other about their new headcanons & characterizations. not shitting on it (i love Warriors) but we should remember that there's like a million orange female cats & calico/tortie male cats, Graystripe's parents are siblings, & nothing actually killed Firestar on his last life, he just dropped dead randomly for the drama.
it's fun to speculate, but also Bluestar was just saying that shit about the cutter cuz of Rusty needing a final push to leave his twolegs. it was entirely for plot reasons & the authors never actually did research to make anything in this series accurate.
#sorry. i know the reading comprehension on this site is just. Like That. but this explanation is what i said#like. literally.#they leave the outside bit & you can still see it when a cat is neutered. it's just the inside bit that's removed#that's. what i said. just with informal wording. but i did like. clarify what i meant in those very tags#& i'm not gonna go take a pic of my cat's ass to prove it. i don't think he'd mind cuz he's got a brain the size of a peanut but still.#not doing that#just gonna chalk this one up to some ''how dare you say we piss on the poor'' shit or whatever#also idk if this is the same anon but there is a person who is sending me asks explaining things#which is cool but also like. not necessary. i rant in the tags about shit. it's just me screaming into the void ya know?#if i say something there's like a 90% chance i already know the answer to the question im asking or whatever#cuz i'll usually type ''wtf does that even mean'' & then look it up. if i don't know something#or figure it out myself via logic. like the top sheet one. i know what a top sheet is. i've just never heard someone call it that#i figured it out basically right away. i was just saying ''wtf is a top sheet'' because i'm complaining pointlessly. ya know?#sometimes i'm just complaining pointlessly. i don't expect anyone to actually read it & respond. i'm writing in my little diary#that's all
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