#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

[archivalofsins]

Addendum (September 23, 2024 5:03pm )- It was brought to my attention by a concerned friend inquiring if something had happened yesterday that this post can come off as complaining about a fandom issue of some sort. Because of how often "Don't be like x" (in particularly Futa) has been used in regards to ongoing Milgram fandom incidents.

It was not my intention to invoke those sort of alarming past experiences for anyone that may have come across this post. My intentions when writing this were to interrogate the prevalence of that phrasing when it came to Futa as a character while including the prisoner paired with him known for bullying as well.

To put it in a plain and jovial way- These are my feelings in regards to this topic in a meme format,

Since I have now been informed of how emotionally disruptive this phrasing can be given the things it's been associated with in the past at least within the tumblr Milgram community I will be putting it under a cut with one more addendum further down that uses the same phrasing.

Once again saying to not be like Mu.

It's easy for individuals to understand why they shouldn't be like Futa. In a lot of ways, not many people would see their actions as being similar to his even when they are. This is why I stress not to be like Mu either.

Because it seems to me that a lot of people are comfortable with being bullies as long as they convince themselves they were the victim first.

A trait that's present throughout both Futa and Mu's narratives. Even if not many people recognize how emotionally manipulative, insidious, and abusive this sort of behavior is socially.

Because just like with these two, some will convince themselves it's the other parties fault for doing something wrong first.

That the person who did something wrong should just,

"You apologize if you do something wrong, you learn that even before words, don't you?"

Q.09 Do you want to apologise to the person you killed?

Mu: I think the person who did something wrong first should apologise first.

These two are simply not as different as some fans like to tell themselves. They are both reactionary bullies. Just because one goes on offense (attacks) and the other defense (cries/deflects) doesn't make one any better than the other. That's why they both got into codependent relationships with another prisoner over the first trial intermission.

Both Amane and Haruka provide them with something. Giving Futa and Mu hope and help in a difficult situation. Along with something to do with themselves to prove their own worth. They also both took on a naturing and protective role in Amane and Haruka's lives. Making the other their main priorities as of the second trial.

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment. Anyway, he’s not a little kid.

This is also why one of my first posts discussed them together. They were both even abandoned by their groups,

"Everyone else was having fun, weren't they? What about them?! Why is it just me?!"

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

Q.11 Who do you want to see right now?

Mu: I miss my friends too. But most of all, Papa and Mama.

Yeah, don't be like either of them, actually.

This is not a healthy thing to strive for. The only difference between them is that Futa takes the orders, and Mu gives them. Aptly portrayed in the relationships they've formed over the course of Milgram.

Also, a bully is a bully regardless of if they cry about it. Women have been weaponizing crying for decades. Stop pretending like this is a brand new undiscovered form of manipulation it's not.

Addendum (September 23, 2024 5:03pm ) continued: Also it was not intent to specifically call to attention Mu's characters flaws or take any digs at people who relate to her. Saying things like don't be like x character can be inconsiderate towards individuals who relate to that character a lot especially if it's something done on a consistent enough basis.

These are once again my feelings on that in meme format.

[clonerightsagenda]

Jumping back into podcast posting with a pretty heavy one, but I was talking to someone about this phenomenon recently, and so I was thinking about how Greater Boston depicts Emily Bespin leveraging white womanhood.

To start with, I'm writing this from the position of being a dfab white person who society is going to read as female. There is a long history - continuing into the present day - of white women capitalizing on being perceived as vulnerable/delicate/innocent and using that to harm Black people, especially Black men, by casting them as dangerous aggressors. I could list several examples even from recent news stories.

Emily is a young white woman who runs a successful mayoral campaign relying heavily on racist dogwhistles and white resentment. She runs as the Red Line Bride - leaning into that pure, virginal image. She scapegoats a Black teenager to cast doubt on her opponent, his aunt. (I don't recall if she knew about the plan to frame Isaiah beforehand - either she was part of the plan from the start, or she saw a Black teen arriving at the scene of a crime and immediately named him as the likely culprit due to her biases). She calls people protesting her actions dangerous terrorists and wins votes from commuters and railway workers who are mad about being inconvenienced. Once she wins the election, she kicks people out of their homes and begins a coordinated plan to make the city unlivable for poor and working class citizens, many of whom are people of color.

Whenever anyone brings this up, Emily insists she's not racist. She's married to a Black man, after all! (Ethan interrupts to say he identifies as mixed race, but she talks over him.) She may genuinely believe she doesn't harbor any racial resentment. It doesn't matter. She is consciously using her racial position and racist stereotypes to manipulate people and secure power.

America has an (increasingly legislated) determination to view racism as an individual moral problem caused by 'bad people'. Characters like Emily are often portrayed as simple bigots. And there are plenty of those out there! There are also people who are genuinely clueless and benefit from education - American society is so segregated that some white people can get pretty far in life without ever really talking to a person of color. (And boy do our politicians want to make that even worse.) But there are also many people who know exactly what they are doing, and I think Emily is a great depiction of that. (And in turn how she is a miserable and isolated person who's being used by larger corporate and political actors, because people lacking support systems are more likely to get radicalized.) Racism isn't perpetuated just because people 'don't know better' or are 'mean'. Racism is a tool that benefits the people wielding it. Emily is chillingly familiar in a way some more over the top podcast villains aren't.

Given all that, it makes me distrustful of how to interpret her ongoing mental and emotional deterioration. Is she the neglected wife of an unloving husband? Or is she doing exactly what she has shown herself to be very good at? Emily isn't a character we get a lot of interiority from, so it's hard to say to what extent the listeners are also getting played.

[juniperhillpatient]

Return to Omashu Re-watch

No thoughts, only mean teenage girls who could & would kill me

This is the episode where we get to see the formation of the Dangerous Ladies™ & it's exactly as iconic as I remember it. (To be fair, this is another episode that I've re-watched pretty frequently on its own.) The Girls Are Fighting & you should be scared!

So, Omashu has been taken by the Fire Nation & the Gaang are horrified. I think it's interesting that Katara & Sokka were basically like "Bumi is probably dead. Oh well, let's move on." Sokka is practical & always focused on moving ahead so it's not a surprising reaction for him but it's a little surprising from Katara. The trend for her character is to try to help everyone who might need it, & that would include a potentially lost or hurt Bumi. I'm theorizing that Katara's lack of interest in this project is a combination of her belief that Bumi is dead (although Katara is often more of an idealist) & her heavy focus on finding a new earth-bending teacher now. Also, this mission is personal to Aang. He's had so much taken from him. All he has left of his old life are Appa & Momo. So, of course, he wants to find the only friend he has left from the life he left behind.

Sokka's plan to fake 'Pentapox' is pretty funny & smart. Also, the Fire Nation guards yelling "PLAGUE!" when the earth kingdom citizens were heading toward them holding their hands out and groaning hit a LITTLE too close to home in light of recent years 😂

Azula's manipulative prowess is targeted at someone other than Zuko & Iroh & it's fascinating to watch. Azula's recruitment of Ty Lee is such a mind game. The audience is getting an ongoing introduction to an entirely new & much more dangerous type of villain than anything we had last season.

We would never see Zhao or Zuko subtly threatening someone the way Azula does Ty Lee, having the net set on fire at her show & the animals released then talking about excitement for the "next show." No, the other two main antagonists of the show thus far - Zuko and Zhao - are much more in your face. Azula could have ordered Ty Lee to join her, or she could have outright threatened to set her on fire, but she took a more careful and calculated approach. The only other character I could see taking a more subtle approach like this is Iroh.

In light of later revelations - that Azula believes "fear is the only way" to relate to people & that "trust is for fools" - as well as the knowledge that Azula does view Ty Lee & Mai as friends (I think this is shown clearly in their dynamic, but it's also proven by Azula's hallucination saying "your friends, Mai and Ty Lee") - I think that in a twisted way, Azula wanted this to seem like Ty Lee's choice. She didn't want to order Ty Lee to join her, she wanted this to feel like a friendship. Could she have understood that about herself or articulated it? I highly doubt it, but sometimes we don't understand our own emotions & motives. And of course - a disclaimer that this is my interpretation/theory.

Mai's recruitment is much more straightforward. Mai is miserable in Omashu. Her parents are busy doting on her baby brother, and she's constantly expected to act like a quiet good girl. She's bored, & she doesn't say it but probably lonely. Also - Mai loves violence. Mai's first encounter with the Gaang isn't even with Azula & Ty Lee, it's on her own, & she is excited to fight. Another interesting aspect of Mai's character is that she's 100% onboard right away with abandoning Tom Tom. I could see an argument that Mai was afraid to argue with Azula, but I don't buy it because there is no evidence for it. Ty Lee has clearly been intimidated into joining Azula, but we haven't seen that with Mai. So, I think that Mai just doesn't seem to care about her brother at all. This isn't a moral judgment on her by the way, just an observation.

The Dangerous Ladies Vs. The Gaang has to be one of the most exciting fights we've seen so far. Everyone's different styles are showcased & it's just amazing to watch. I think it's super interesting that Ty Lee almost kicks Sokka & Tom Tom off a building. She was ready to murder a baby & it's only cartoon logic & luck that she didn't!

Speaking of ready-to-murder - I'm fascinated by the different Fire Nation characters' approach to fighting Aang. I can't recall Zuko ever trying to kill Aang. He's been set on the whole "capture" thing. Zhao spells out to Aang that he won't kill him because it would just trigger a new Avatar. But there's no argument I can see that Azula is not trying to kill Aang during their fight in this episode. She is actively shooting fire at him, again & again. So, does she know that if he dies a new Avatar will be born? If Zhao knew, I have to assume Azula does. Of course, she does kill him (sorta) later, but we'll analyze that when we get to it. For now, I'm just saying that this is interesting. Azula is capable of a fighting style that doesn't go for the kill, or Zuko would've died during their last encounter. But, she chooses to go after Aang by shooting him with fire which would kill him if he failed to block or dodge her attacks. Super interesting to me.

Anyway, Aang's conversation with Bumi is very interesting to me. We learn about three of the apparent eighty-five 'jings.' Fighting is positive jing and retreating is a negative jing. Aang knows this, probably from his teachings with Gyatso, but Bumi explains that there's a third jing - neutral. I'm not sure how I feel about the argument that "doing nothing" is sometimes the best call. Bumi is a very interesting morally gray character. I understand what he was trying to say, & what the narrative was getting at, but still, Bumi abandoned his people when they needed him. I have a feeling I'll come back to the quote: "Your teacher will be someone who has mastered neutral jing. You need to find someone who waits and listens before striking." For now, though, those are my thoughts on the episode!

[sassykattery]

I didn't get to vote, but as the resident Lucifer x MC x Diavolo writer with a fully fledged, ongoing, multi-chapter fic, along with other works, I have a lot of thoughts.

My answer is absolutely not. I think some of you read the things those two say to each other and take it so far from context that you just run with it because you have a fantasy for it. That's fine. Fantasize all you want. However, for me, it's a no, and here's why:

To start, let's look at their relationship. Lucifer is bound to Diavolo in a severely power-imbalanced relationship. Diavolo gets absolutely any and all say over what Lucifer and his brothers do, either through the oath Lucifer swore, or just by Diavolo's power from the crown, and Lucifer complies only to protect his brothers. It's a highly transactional relationship to start with.

Next, let's add Diavolo's behavior. He calls Lucifer beautiful when we first meet him, and in some of the rest of the main game as well as the cards, Diavolo compliments Lucifer, too. Why is that? It's not because Diavolo has a thing for Lucifer.

Diavolo never really had friends growing up. He was pretty well isolated. Do you think someone who had to manipulate his own butler to stay with him is going to be good at making friends organically and authentically? No.

He is a demon who is used to getting what he wants and receiving fake platitudes of flattery from others, so he's going to behave that way because that's what he knows. I'm not saying he's incapable of making friends. He is charming after all, but you have to understand the intention behind someone like him to understand why he acts this way with Lucifer and others and what those kinds of relationships would entail.

Let's look at Lucifer next. Lucifer is only in this for his brothers and meeting his end of the bargain for Diavolo saving Lilith. Do you think in Lucifer's position, as prideful as he is, he would want an intimate relationship with someone who took his freedom in this kind of manner? Because I sure as hell wouldn't. I don't think he would fall victim to Stockholm syndrome or anything similar, either. Though those two often work together, you have to see how exasperated Lucifer becomes when Diavolo starts acting... well, like Diavolo. What those two have in terms of qualities and personality traits aren't what the other is likely looking for sometimes.

Also, have you ever put two ends of a battery together that were the same charge? That's a lot like what would happen if you put two prideful demons together. It could work in theory, but on certain fronts, a real intimate relationship wouldn't be realistic unless you're alright with it being a toxic one. They work well together often, but that doesn't mean an intimate relationship is feasible. Have you noticed that when Diavolo compliments Lucifer, Lucifer tends to metaphorically step away from it, again, like the two batteries? He doesn't enjoy it. You have to remember he knows he's not in power, and it's just uncomfortable to have someone with that much power compliment you. It feels disingenuine, and, in a way, it really is that.

We also see how much work Diavolo ends up putting on Lucifer, either because the prince is just as busy or simply doesn't want to do it. Do you really think you'll want to be with your boss when they rob you of your social life for things that are less than enjoyable? I wouldn't.

And sure, let's get into the sex because why not? You're here. Yes, Lucifer is known to be a sadist and dominant most of the time, and Diavolo can run as a masochist and a switch or dom depending on your interpretation. Just because two people technically could pair up well in the sense of dom+sub and sadist+masochist, it doesn't mean that it would actually be good sexual chemistry.

Yeah, I suppose the idea of the two being together is intriguing, but I'm just explaining why I think it would be a slim to zero chance of being a realistic ship. And yes, I see the "sus" things those two say about one another. However, if we put our reading comprehension and literary context glasses on, we see it's not that great of an idea.

Thank you for reading my thesis on why DiaLuci wouldn't be a thing.

no judging either way i just have no clue what the general om fandoms opinion is on them and i’m so so curious and want to be able to quantify the response somewhat

[lovesquareshippingtrash]

The only kind of fair ML blog I can think of is Immaturity of Thomas Astruc (or IOTA). It started out as a blog dedicated to exposing Astruc's behavior on Twitter, but now it's an ongoing critique of the whole show. The guy who runs it tries really hard to give the show a fair shake, and it brings up some interesting concepts and criticisms. The only issues are that it can lean a little heavily on the cynical side, and it's also pretty harsh on Adrien. Might be good to poke through, just to see.

This is in response to this post.

Thanks for the suggestion, but yeah... Reading through episode reviews, it was just... too much. They really seemed to hate Adrien, and it was someone with the same mindset that prompted my original post 😅 For instance, there were points about Adrien shouldn't think of Marinette as one of his best friends because they only spend time together in a larger group, when it's required externally, or by coincidence, which, first, does not mean you can't be very close friends, and, second, ignores the events of episodes it literally cites. Take Kung Food - Adrien went out of his way to go to help Marinette, then continued to hang out with her specifically even after it was shown he didn't need to.

I mean, I know Adrien is not perfect, but it felt a bit like it was missing the point.

I'm not here to yuck anyone's yums. People can enjoy whatever they want for whatever reason. For me, I came to this show understanding the premise of the two superheroes in love with each other without realising it; the love square. That's what drew me in, and that's always what I've liked the show for. Without that aspect, I wouldn't have watched the show in the first place, and I certainly wouldn't have watched more than a few episodes. If I didn't enjoy the love square, I wouldn't be here. Part of why I find it confusing that people watch the show and don't like the love square - I don't get what they like about the show.

The shows writing is flawed at best and just bad at worst. Astruc, certainly, has a lot of issues. I can understand not liking the writing, but it feels weird to me to hatebon the characters for being written badly. Adrien is clearly intended to be a kind, loving boy, who has suffered years of neglect and abuse, who just wants to have friends and be a normal kid - who takes the opportunity as a hero to relax from the public image expected of him to be a little silly (yes, often at inappropriate times, which is one of his defining flaws, because a good character SHOULD have flaws), who is also genuinely enamoured by his partner. He's also a 14 year old boy who doesn't always know the appropriate way to handle his feelings. Him being a bad partner, or manipulative, or refusing to listen - the premise of the show makes it pretty clear that that isn't who the character should be. I get mad at the writers for that, not the character - we've seen time after time that development will get ignored or retconned away to fit a story. We're supposed to believe in Puppeteer 2 that Adrien thinks Marinette hates him? That's a fault of the writing.

Any major character is subject to this. Chloé gets it worst of all, with her redemption arc having a dozen different starts, culminating in her just choosing to help the villain publicly and then straight up acting like an outright villain in her daily life - the harness she used to descend from the ceiling in Gabriel Agreste?? I'd expect that from Looney Tunes, not a show with an ongoing plot that wants the overall story to be taken seriously.

This has becoming super rambly. Sorry to anyone who's actually read all this. Just, for me, I guess the discussion about the show I want to see would be more about the flaws and merits of the writing, not pinning the writers' failures on mishandled characters. For instance, the good: the serialisation of most of season 4, with Alya's arc supporting Ladybug, Luka's arc with Jagged, etc. The bad: the show regressing to treating Cat Noir as a sidekick as time has gone on - and this is more season's 2 and 3 I mean than 4. I mean Fu leaving him in the dark because Plagg failed to bring Adrien to him, only meeting him once to give him the power ups and mot giving him the same knowledge and training as his partner, when Fu should have known from his monitoring of Adrien's situation had badly Adrien needed support. And if you want to do an arc where Cat Noir feels neglected and left out, show that he and Ladybug both have valid perspectives, instead of him just being petulant, because the overall characterisation and narrative tell us that he shouldn't just be petulant, that's a failure on the writing, not the character. Maybe don't go including a remote controlled toy that can be used for anonymous communication in a between season special and then make their inability to contact each other a major plot point of the next season. Maybe have them TALK and understand each other and have apologies go both ways and just uuggghhh

But like, Fu not giving Adrien the best treatment? That doesn't feel necessarily like a flaw on the part of the writing, but a flaw from the character, which can be GOOD for the show. We know Fu isn't perfect, and Su-Han makes this even more clear after the fact. All of that can be used in an effective way to set up Adrien feeling like he's being left out. The setup is there; his decision to leave in Kuro Neko could have been impacted by Nino telling him that he and Alya know about each other's identity - which Cat Noir can't talk to Ladybug about, because he can't explain that he knows Nino well enough to tell him, and Adrien can't talk about because why should it matter to Adrien? But instead he's just angry that he wasn't involved and refuses to wait 5 minutes, or just arrange a time during a patrol or whatever to talk about it, and how they could make arrangements. Say, they could make plans so that, in future, he could handle distributing and collecting some Miraculous. Maybe even storing them separately so they're not all in the same place, liable to ALL get stolen if one is like in the season 3 finale - his petulance here doesn't feel, to me, like a character flaw, but a writing flaw.

Oh, and while we're at it, maybe stop trying to claim that the identity reveal/them dating (which could easily be two separate things, but no, let's just have two alternate timeline episodes essentially exploring the same concept instead of any real shakeup of that formula, except the second one ontributes even less to the overall plot than the first because this time nobody knows anything about it) would lead to Gabriel winning/end of the world, because 1) their relationship is the hook of the show, your unique selling point, and you've already made clear that it's endgame, and 2) it's blatantly false, in both instances it was because Gabriel found out, which had almost nothing to do with any of it - you're telling me that Gabriel catches them because he overhears Adrien say "my Lady", which could easily just be, like, him emulating Cat Noir, or SO many other things, yet he's never simply overheard Adrien talking to Plagg? The problem has NOTHING to do with the relationship, and trying to force us to think that with Cat Blanc and Ephemeral is just insulting.

More rambling. Point is: I want content that recognises both the flaws and merits of the characters in a positive way, and recognises that the failures are a product of the writing - whilst also recognising that the writing has done a LOT of cool stuff.

[mailorderfictionalcharacter]

I actually wanna thank you for your text post about the weird trend (that is still very much ongoing) about writing articles or talking about Rory as a product of how she was raised or her privilege. Tbh I never really took any of those arguments or even people saying that Logan somehow "taught her about her privilege" seriously because even after their argument over the article, this never happens? And frankly he was more angry with her over the fact that she criticized people that he considers similar to himself, I highly doubt that if Rory was a lower-middle class person on a scholarship to Yale that he even would've extended any support or interest in the article beyond being angry over it in general. Anyway, I think viewers give the show way too much credit sometimes in how it deals with class differences because the truth is it never really does. It never brings up class differences as a topic in Rory's relationships with Dean and Jess or even with Logan, since yeah, Rory does have rich grandparents, but she never lives the rich life the way he does, and you could even argue she's less sheltered than he is since given her and Lorelai's history, as you mentioned they pretty much went through three social classes in different times. The most she does live it is in about 3 months in that period in season 6 when she took a break, and like you mentioned, she never treats it as a fully conscious "I'll be a rich person doing rich people things now", it's literally just her taking up anything because she doesn't know what to to with herself. And aside from having her tuition fees being paid for firstly by her grandparents and then by her father later on, we never really see either of those people have to pull strings in order for Rory to get a job. Sure, her grandparents WANT her to meet people and make connections, but this is never really brought forth as a reason for Rory to like, get a big job she wanted at the New York Times or anything of the sort. And yeah, Rory gets into Yale pretty much because of her grandfather's connections, but even this is never framed in a way that is conscious of how even with the Chilton education and her hard work, you'd need a connection to get into such a prestigious and pretty exclusive Ive League. It's pretty much the same situation in the revival as well, people immediately guessed that she MUST HAVE spent through her allowance left for her by her grandparents, but we literally never see that happen? I believe that even when the head writer was asked as to how Rory was able to fly so frequently between London and Connecticut, her response was "she has a lot of flyer miles saved up". And considering how these writers went back and forth between "Luke has a LOT of money" to "Luke can't even afford a car", they obviously sooner forgot about Rory having a large sum of money prepared for her by her grandparents than make some very Deep message that Rory actually spent all of it because she's a spoiled rich brat or something. In general the show would always bring up class differences as a way to insert relationship drama, and this isn't even framed as a "you have more money than me" scenario, it's often instigated by the grandparents and it's always based around the idea of someone being lesser just because they're not rich, but just as this is quickly inserted is this taken away because the drama has ran it's course now, we don't need any more of it, bye. So yeah, that's my two cents on the matter.

I feel like the way people argue over Gilmore Girls or make jokes about how Lorelai is actually very spoiled because "ugh its just dinner with her family she's asking for all this money and can't even sit through that", or just the general way in which a LOT of people seem to love viewing Rory (which I chalk partly up to them just being desperate to follow this ongoing trend now where we all 'consciously' reassess media we used to love when we were younger and its actually horrible and all these characters that we liked turned into terrible people with bad politics because Subversiveness or whatever. And its not to say that Rory is only ever perfect because she isn't, her story just isn't about a kid turning evil) is a combination of today's times where we're obviously a lot more aware of certain issues and topics than most people used to be 20 years ago, but it's also this weird trend where we have to bash everything that doesn't remotely uphold these bizarre standards that aren't even set right. Yes, Gilmore Girls isn't perfect by far, but 20 years ago it was significant because it featured a cast of women that were in the forefront. Obviously its a product of its own time as everything else is, but it's also pretty unchangeable and even the revival made it clear that the material has just aged and more or less belongs in its own time. And that doesn't mean it's exempt from being criticized, but even it's own awareness of its characters is pretty limited based off of when it aired and was created.

Like.. also thank you very much for sharing this moment of taking Gilmore Girls seriously with me. 

In response to:

I feel like the way people argue over Gilmore Girls or make jokes about how Lorelai is actually very spoiled because "ugh its just dinner with her family she's asking for all this money and can't even sit through that"

Honestly there seemed to be a somewhat emotionally abusive element to the Emily-Lorelai relationship. Like, not the type where someone is consciously manipulative or disregards their child’s feelings on purpose, but the type where you try to raise a kid to live a good life without ever reassessing or allowing your child to have agency in deciding what their good life should look like. 

For example, I’m thinking about Lorelai’s parent’s trying to force her to marry Christopher but also the little things we’ve seen in flashbacks. Like, the scene where she doesn’t fit her dress because of her secret teen pregnancy and when Emily notices Emily is very critical and tells her to run around the block (because oh, the horror of gaining ~5 pounds and not fitting a dress). 

**

Gilmore Girls isn’t the Perfect Text but it holds a special place in my heart for showing a multigenerational complicated family dynamic. In my own life, my family is complicated with generations of trauma, social norms, discomforts, and what have you regularly clashing and Gilmore Girls will always hold a special place in my heart for embracing messy family dynamics instead of creating sanitized characters. 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

1. I am an INTP 5w6 female and I want to know how to meet new people, it didn't bother me before but I had a boyfriend.of 1.5years and I now miss having someone in my life, don't remember exactly what I wrote but I thought I had made a good choice and was really hopeful about that relationship and I tried hard to make it work but I couldn't deal with his bs anymore, I did for a while cause I thought he was worth it, I've been trying to build deeper relationships but didn't care before so imbehnd

2. My ex wasn't extremely manipulative but he lied and hid things from me and got angry when I complained when his stories made no sense, I left We knew each other for so long and I couldn't deal with him not apologizing for his bs and blaming me for what he was doing, I just couldn't justify the relationship even if I still loved him This lead me to believe my strategy was wrong since I thought I knew him and that he was more mature than that, no matter how high the filter this could happen..

3. It's just so disappointing, you know? That people can be such assholes after managing to present themselves as the opposite of that for so long I've never really had close friendships except for my ex, and a few friends (I guess?) I didn't care much for this before since I'm alright on my own, but I found that I really liked having someone, so I'm trying to meet new people now that I'm more or less healing, but idk how to do it, acquaintances used to fall in my lap before but not anymore

4. I'm 23 yo, about to get my degree. I do have a crush on a classmate but when I try to picture us going out it feels awkward and weird since I don't know him very well, I need to know people well before considering dating... I'm just very lost and I feel kind of behind from everyone else since I'm super inexperienced (only that one bf, and it was long distance...) and idk how to correct that at this point. I've been dressing better so people treat me better (haven't noticed, makes sense tho)

5. People do seem to like me well enough but I guess everyone already has their group of friends and is too busy to invite me places often enough that I become part of the core group, but I'm getting there, a bit (I think) I've been going everywhere I've been invited with my classmates lately but they don't really bring anyone new, I've managed to be a step up from acquaintance with a girl friend, which is nice, with older friends the same thing happens, even if we come across their friends...

6. I've always had a hard time fitting in very well, romantically I'd love to have someone at a similar experience level because I feel like I missed out on being a crucial relationship for the other person, but my ex had several gfs before and I didn't care too much then but now I do because afterwards certain things made me feel bad, but I guess I could manage anyway.I also get paranoid when I read what other bs some people manage to do like marrying someone but loving their bestfriend instead

7. I apologize for making it so long but I thought it'd be necessary to give a bit of info on myself and my thoughts, my age, what I've been trying etc I just wanna meet good people at this point in my life and want some tips on how to do that without taking extremely long only for them to be assholes anyways... I think I've managed to make some more acquaintances but I've only clicked with two girls I talk to outside of the classroom when we're not hanging out, gonna focus on them rn-----------------------

(very long response ahead)

I know this is not what you asked nor is it necessarily going to be helpful or relevant but: I would strongly rethink your type. Ti-doms and 5s are both vanishingly unlikely to drop seven asks worth of highly personal and emotionally open information in the inboxes of total strangers.

With regards to the actual question, this is really not an MBTI question (more on this at the end) and not entirely something I’d consider myself an expert on. I very much hope I am not the only person you can go to on this because I personally wouldn’t want me to be my only source of advice on this. With those caveats, see below.

I think Tumblr (and to be fair some forms of media) portray friendships and relationships as an attraction at first sight/immediate connection.

This is fucking stupid.

Because I tie everything back to my personal soapbox causes: this is why I have such disdain for the anti-small talk crowd, or people who think they’re special because they crave a deep, below-the-surface human connection. Nearly everyone wants deep connection. It’s normal and healthy. It’s also an ongoing process that nearly always involves some period of time during which you and the other potential friend are awkward acquaintances who don’t entirely understand each other and have to talk about surface-level things. You can’t speedrun intimacy.

This is particularly true in adulthood. Children do make friends more quickly, but also children are weird and fickle and a friendship can be based on little more than sharing crayons (not to knock that, plenty of great friendships started that way) while adults have a much better sense of who they are and also typically a much more narrow definition of who they want as a friend and all kinds of emotional baggage to boot.

Essentially, if you want a friendship that matches the depth of a relationship of 1.5 years it’s probably going to take close to 1.5 years to get there, and from what you said you’d known each other even longer before the romantic relationship, so add that time too. Which might not be what you want to hear, but it’s important to manage the expectation. Basically all relationships (and by this I mean romantic or platonic) start out with little connection, and you become friends through building that connection, and you can’t really rush it.

I believe in “clicking” in the sense of there being an immediate mutual interest in getting to know each other better, but speaking practically, regardless of the initial chemistry you are still basically intrigued strangers at that point. All clicking does is provide additional motivation for that process of getting to know each other. And speaking from experience, deep friendships in the long term don’t always have an initial “click”. I’ve had relationships that were initially quite intense fade away, and others slowly grow from acquaintanceship into lasting intimate friendship even if we didn’t expect it on first meeting. The myth of clicking is confirmation bias - unless there was a serious fallout, you’ll probably forget the people who you thought you clicked with if it didn’t just work out, and conversely it’s not hard to look back through the lenses of memory and nostalgia and find a single moment when a friendship or love crystalized, even though the reality is that it was merely the tipping point after considerable energy had already been invested on both sides.

In terms of practical advice, finishing up a degree is a uniquely awkward time, especially if all your classmates are in the same boat, because there’s often a mentality of “we’re all going to leave soon, let’s stick with the friendships we have.” Others in your class may not have that motivation to make a close connection, and it sucks but it’s temporary. The good news is that the larger world doesn’t feel that way. It is a bit more difficult to make friends as an adult, just because you’re not spending time with people naturally the same way as you do in school, but meetups and clubs and social organizations all exist for this reason and are explicitly there for people who want to make friends. And again, it’s going to be a slow process. I respect that it’s frustrating having to start from what feels like square one, but it’s unavoidable.

As for dating, you don’t need to do apps if you don’t want to! But you’re right. It’s going to be comparatively inefficient. Particularly if you prefer to date people you already know socially, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort going to social things and building those acquaintanceships over time and you might need to ask someone out face to face. Inexperience is fine. Everyone has to start somewhere. The tradeoff is more that you can’t screen people as well if you’re on apps, and they can be kind of impersonal but you do get to interact with many people quickly on your own terms without having to go outside and with the luxury of being able to think up witty comebacks instead of having to chat in real time.

(I do want to counter the idea that people who use apps are any less deep or anything like that. Some people are comfortable with casual hookups and some aren’t, but many people use apps to set up a date first and see if they have enough of an interest to keep things going. As with all of the above, everything has to start somewhere and if you think of the app as a way to facilitate meeting people, rather than “I must make a romantic connection with this person tonight”, and steer towards dating vs. hookup apps/make it clear you’re looking for long-term relationships, you might have more luck. The point of the first date for most people isn’t to find a partner, though sometimes that happens; it’s to find someone you enjoy enough to go on a second date with and slowly get to know).

One final thought: all this advice applies universally but I actually think considering it in the context of MBTI is more harmful than helpful, or at best misleading. For example, you say that being a 5 you take too long to check if people are safe, which whether or not you actually are a 5 also has absolutely nothing to do with being a 5, and even if you are a 5 and this is a 5 thing, you’re aware of this behavior! You can stop doing that then! MBTI is not destiny!

Regardless of type, no one automatically knows what to say in every situation, no one can read minds, and no one has discovered the secret to always being liked and never being rejected. Type can convey talent or inclination but skill requires time. Extroverts are often better with people because they have to be - they aren’t as okay with just being alone, especially when younger, so they go out and deal with people and through that process learn to make friends. But they weren’t born with it. Sites that favor introverts and/or intuitives are terrible for a lot of reasons but I find they perpetuate the ideas I disagreed with above, that friendships for introverts and intuitives must always be with people who Click and Already Get It. This is wrong and it’s limiting. Obviously don’t pursue a friendship or relationship if you don’t like the person, but don’t write someone off just because you didn’t feel a magical spark right away. That’s not being deep and sensitive - that’s being closed off to new experiences. Anything worth doing involves real-world effort and some amount of risk, and usually it involves patience and time and awkwardness and uncertainty as well.

[oumakokichi]

Is it just me, or does Ouma not call Gonta by any sort of honorific? I know most of the cast uses first-name basis with Gonta, but they'll still call him "Gonta-kun," unless we have characters like Hoshi or Harukawa who don't affix them to others in the first place. However, Ouma usually uses the affectionate (?) suffix "-chan," to others and with characters he's mean to he'll give them a nickname (ex. Kiibo) so what do you think this means? Is it possible Ouma disliked Gonta from the start?

It’s not just you! He definitely doesn’t use any sort ofhonorific with Gonta. Gonta and Kiibo are the only two exceptions to Ouma’susual “-chan” suffix—but I don’t think it’s specifically to be mean, exactly.

In Kiibo’s case, referring to him as “キー坊,” or“Kiiboy,” stems a lot more from the urge to tease, exactly. It’s partly a jabat Kiibo’s robot status (i.e. very tongue-in-cheek “you’ll be a real boysomeday”), but it’s also because Kiibo is so incredibly easy to tease about it.A lot of Ouma’s prankster side tends to show through whenever he finds an “easytarget,” and Kiibo is so incredibly easy to rile up about the whole robot thingthat I think he can’t quite resist teasing about it whenever possible. Even asearly as Chapter 2, the two of them have a pretty back-and-forth banterestablished; given Ouma’s love of comedy, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wastrying to borrow from manzai a little bit.

With Gonta, however, I think it’s actually the opposite ofteasing. Certainly, he does tease Gonta with his pranks and lies, especiallyprior to Chapter 4 when everything gets so horribly messy. And Gonta goes alongwith it for the most part and occasionally even finds out that Ouma was messingwith him and gets payback for it (make no mistake, Ouma having to touch bugsfor hours on end in Chapter 2 was probablynot part of his original plan. Gonta won that fight). But Gonta is such asincere, genuine, honest person, with no ill intentions towards anyone, andwhile Ouma knew that those were risky qualities in a killing game, I think partof him also couldn’t help but respect that.

Calling “Gonta” simply by his first name with no nicknamesor honorifics or anything else suggests, to me at least, that Gonta was just…Gonta. The fact that most of the group called Gonta by his first name suggests,to me at least, that it was nearly impossible for any of them to dislike him. He may not have been particularly closewith anyone in the group per se, but he was still so obviously well-intentionedand sweet that it was probably hard for any of the characters to feel as thoughthey had to be formal with him, per se (unless they were generally formal witheveryone, like Kirumi).

I do think some of the group’s first-name-basis with Gontadoes, however, stem from no one taking him seriously. Many of the othercharacters perceive Gonta a lot like… well, a lot like NISA is going to localizehim. They assume that because of the way he grew up and because of his lack ofexposure to certain information, he’s just plain stupid, and this is clearlynot the case. Gonta isn’t the brightest, of course, but he’s perfectly smartwhen it comes to his area of expertise, and he has general, practical knowledgeabout the way the world works.

His eye for detail is impressive (he noticed the “bug” inChapter 2 and had the foresight to tell the group about it), he realized thestars around Saishuu Academy were different from any of the constellations hewas familiar with, and he even figured out how Kirumi’s ropeway was crafted inthe Chapter 2 trial. Gonta is easily confused by things he’s not familiar withand led astray because he’s naïve, but that doesn’t mean he’s an idiot by anymeans. But because he perceives himself as an idiot, often calling himselfstupid and apologizing for it, the other characters subconsciously latch ontothis, and by the time Chapter 4 rolls around, none of them think he was verysmart, at all.

Interestingly enough, however, most of Ouma’s commentstowards Gonta calling him an idiot are reserved only for Chapter 4. Much of his outburst during the trial,including seemingly getting very angry, calling Gonta stupid, and telling himto confess to his sins, seems to have been a calculated act in order to promptSaihara to step up and explain the full details of the case to Gonta in hisplace. By bringing to light the fact that Gonta kept saying “I don’t know, Idon’t understand, what’s going on” in Chapter 4 again and again, Saiharafinally caught onto the fact that the headset cables being switched around hadcaused Gonta to lose his memories of what happened in the VR world.

Ouma’s angry outburst is, in fact, so wildly out ofcharacter compared to his previous behavior that I can’t help but feel it hasto have been an act; getting upset enough to yell at people isn’t his style atall, and we know he can keep his composure relatively well even after being choked,strangled, poisoned, etc. Getting so obviously, blatantly upset and angry atsomeone as obviously confused and bewildered as Gonta helped to cement hisvillain role too, turning the group against him even before he “revealed” thathe was just “pretending to care” at the end of Chapter 4.

Prior to Chapter 4, however, while Ouma does tease Gonta, heoften points out that his gullibility and naïveté will only get him killed inthe end. He calls Gonta “a simple person,” in Chapter 2, but not “stupid,” or “anidiot.” All in all, his pranks and teasing with Gonta prior to everythinghitting the fan in Chapter 4 were relatively harmless—he knew Gonta would bequick to believe him or anyone else about anything, and he kept that in mind.

So his referring to Gonta by his first name, withouthonorifics, seems like a reflection of Gonta’s “simple” personality. Oumahimself couldn’t afford to be trusting or honest or open when he was so deeplyparanoid by nature, especially not while the killing game itself was stillongoing. But I think he respected that Gonta was one of the few genuinely open,honest people in the game who wasn’t keeping huge secrets himself. Unlike Kaedeand Momota, both of whom spoke loudly about cooperation and honesty but hidthings from the rest of the group, Gonta was relatively straightforward.Whenever he found anything, or whenever he wanted to try a plan of his own(like fighting the Exisals) he came and talked to the rest of the groupimmediately.

If Ouma had ever actually disliked Gonta, I think it would’veshown quite clearly. He dislikes Maki pretty openly, after all, and it shows.He still refers to her by her last name and “-chan” for most of the game, andoccasionally even uses “Harumaki-chan” for her when he particularly wants to piss her off. Generally, he becomes even moresarcastic and confrontational than usual when he’s talking to someone heclearly dislikes, rather than cold or formal.

Ouma’s behavior towards Gonta just before his execution inthe Chapter 4 trial shows that he knew good and well that what he was doingsomething inexcusable to him, even if it was for the sake of stopping thekilling game. Midway through one of his speeches, his façade even slips, and hestops and speaks much more quietly, as though to himself, saying “That’s right…I do owe Gonta an apology… I really am doing something horrible…” before seguingback to his usual act.

He also, as we know, keeps finding it harder and harder tocarry on that act in the moments before Gonta’s death. Minutes prior to Gonta’sexecution, he actually begs to be executed with him, saying that he actuallycan’t stand it and that if they’re both responsible then they should both bekilled. The only reason he doesn’t actually do so in the end is because Gontaasks him not to, saying that he should stay alive and “become friends witheveryone,” to which Ouma reluctantly agrees.

Given everything we know about Ouma’s very genuine hatredfor killing, death, and suffering, his breakdown just prior to Gonta’s deathcomes under a very different light than his post-trial villain routine wouldsuggest. He had absolutely nothing to gain by asking to be executed, or askingthe rest of the group very specifically not to blame Gonta or hate him for hiscrime. Had he actually hated Gonta or looked down on him, he would’ve rubbedsalt in the wound, exposing his “betrayal” while he was still alive. There wasliterally nothing in it for him to risk his own death—unless he really did feelawful about the horrible, inexcusable thing that he was doing and was waveringat the last minute.

What Ouma does to Gonta is inexcusable and awful, but hedoesn’t do it out of hatred. I wouldn’t say that Ouma ever hated or disliked Gonta,not in Chapter 4, and certainly not at any point before that. If anything, thefact that Gonta was one of the few characters to trust him implicitly and whowas always nice to him, as well as the fact that he wasn’t someone who wouldusually kill anyone under normal circumstances, probably meant Ouma couldn’thelp but like him. But because of the killing game, and because of the horribleboiling point things came down to in Chapter 4, he had to make cold, hard,awful decisions, and he knew that making friends and getting genuinely close topeople wasn’t something he could afford.

He manipulates Gonta in Chapter 4 and sends him to hisdeath, but he certainly never wanted him dead—part of the reason he used Gontafor his plans was in fact because Gonta actually volunteered to come with himto search for the “motive” that Monokuma hid, saying that he would protect him.That was the point at which Ouma seemed to realize he could use Gonta for hisplans, but it doesn’t seem as though he was thinking of using Gontaspecifically prior to that.

In any case, I believe the way he refers to Gonta is a veryrare show of sincerity, rather than cheekiness, sarcasm, or dislike. Underother circumstances, I think he would’ve quite liked to have been Gonta’sfriend—although needless to say, he would’ve still pulled pranks on himrelentlessly and been a huge brat all around.

I hope I explained myself well. Thank you for asking, anon!