#i don't think i articulated this well oops

[rosiethedragongeek]

I don't talk about Viggo as much as I should, but I definitely think about him pretty frequently, and I just feel like we don't talk about what he does in Buffalord Soldier as much as we should.

Aside from the obvious insane moral implications of what he did (probably the darkest thing in RTTE imo), it's a really good demonstration of how committed he is to his goals.

He is willing to take some pretty insane risks and handle some pretty serious hits. If there hadn't been a living Buffalord dragon he could have had a serious problem on his hands. (Honestly he really could've either way, but yk)

For money he was willing to set a deadly plague on the archipelago, and he was also willing to do that before he had confirmation that there were any buffalords left,,, like,,, it's just insane to me lol

[akirathedramaqueen]

No better than any royal

It's an analysis regarding classism in Helluva Boss and Blitzø's part in it.

Warning: Apology Tour spoilers. Be advised if you haven't watched the episode yet. And also it's big as hell itself, I am not good in being laconic thing.

I wanted to write a post about the thing which bothered me for some time already, but I wasn't sure how to articulate it properly. Now that the 'Apology Tour' has come out, and we've got another parallel on the same thing, I think I need to grab my shit together and try to analyze this to the best of my abilities.

See, something tingled in me a while ago when I noticed that Fizz, when stating in the 'Oops' episode, "If you think you are superior to anyone, then you are no better than any royal.", was looking at Blitzø the majority of the time. And, of course, he specifically says "neither of you", so... yeah. No doubt he was addressing both Blitzø and Striker.

There is an opinion going around that Striker as a character is designed to be compared to Blitzø. They are both prejudiced towards privileged people (here you can read a wonderful take from @tealvenetianmask on the class rage Blitzø experiences to get deeper into his reasons), with Striker taking it to the extremes as far as killing them with joy, while Blitzø... well, hurting one particular royal in his own way.

Then there's the next person, who says Blitzø's behavior resembles that of Striker, in the "Apology Tour" newest episode.

He says that right after Blitzø throws an accusation that Stolas has just a turn-on for people he looks down on. I like, by the way, how the camera moves up to Stolas, showing their significant physical difference in height and symbolizing their gap in social status.

Which is him, by the way, doubling down on a similar statement in the 'Oops' episode.

I am with you on this one, Fizz :.)

Stolas is very upset about it, and very justly so - Blitzø is putting words in his beak, assuming his mindset, demeaning his feelings, and disrespecting his wishes that he was very clear about. Blitzø means it, unfortunately, and, my take is, he is as much of a classist as the rich assholes like Stella whom he hates for the same very reason.

Just hold on with me for a moment. Look at this.

They are all the same. Stolas is the same.

Blitzø is treating Stolas unfairly based on his social class. Blitzø has a negative opinion of Stolas based on his social class. That's pretty much the definition, although more often than not it's referred to people of lower social status. Still counts in my book.

Don't get me wrong. Stolas is not innocent. He is raised in the privileged world and he takes advantage of it. He is treating his workers unfairly (remember that stressball imp guy?), and this also needs to be addressed... But it does not change the fact that Stolas's genuine feelings got mocked by Blitzø because the latter is so adamant in his superstitions, he does not believe anything the prince says.

And, to add to that, I think Blitzø takes great pride in being the 'I-made-myself' guy, running a successful business they said is rare for an imp. He is insistent in letting everyone know he has a transaction with Stolas, not a relationship. An exchange. A business deal. A fair trade, however stupid and twisted does that sound. He hates privilege, and he is afraid, insecure even, to be associated with it. He does not want to become like them.

And Blitzø, like Fizz said, thinks he is superior to ones who mingle with blue bloods and take from their riches. He thinks he is superior to blue bloods themselves because he earned everything he owns, and they got a birthright to hold onto.

Which, essentially, makes Blitzø no better than any royal.

That does not make him irredeemeable, though. He has plenty of reasons for behaving like that. He suffers every day from injustice. He is at the bottom of the food chain, he has to wait for 5 years to get an appointment for an essential vaccine, he gets ridiculed all the time for just existing. For just being an imp.

Blitzø just needs to understand, that, however privileged Stolas is, he is as fucked by this system as Blitzø is. Stolas had the whole life planned for him, he had no choice even in whom to marry, and he had to put up with years of abuse and trauma to hold an image. He did not have parents and has no friends. He struggles to survive in the environment where people like him are not welcome. He suffers because of the same system as Blitzø does, albeit differently.

I am not trying to compare who has it worse. The only point is that Blitzø is oblivious to the fact that Stolas can get hurt. Physically and emotionally.

Blitzø needs to understand that Stolas is different. Blitzø needs to give Stolas a chance to prove he is wrong. Blitz needs to let their relationship flourish. And through Stolas, he will eventually see that there are probably more royals who are not so horrible as he thinks. That everyone is different regardless of their social status.

As a closing note, I want to say that I wait for Striker's return. I think that there will be a point where they will meet again, but that time Blitzø will mature and prove that he has changed. And no one will dare to say that Blitzø is just like him ever again, which would be a perfect closure for the class conflict.

[pbforeva]

ok so oops this wasn’t supposed to take this long

part 11!

—

*two days have passed*

Paige's pov:

My hand has been holding Evelyn's hand for two days straight. She's been awake and getting better, but I'm too scared to let go. I mean, what if she isn't there when I try to hold on again?

Aurora, Azzi, and I tried to convince Evelyn to make a police report, but when we brought it up she just shut down. I guess that will be a conversation for when she's out of the hospital.

Her sister was the first member of her family I met. She came running into Evelyn's room, her worried expression plastered on her face, and when she saw Evelyn the first question she had was, what happened. During the phone call to her parents, we only explained Evelyn was in the hospital, not the reason she was there.

Evelyn didn't want to answer, and it was clear on her face, but her brother came barreling into the room bearing the same question. I made eye contact with Azzi, a hopeful glint in my eyes, hoping she would tell the truth, and her family would convince her to go to the police.

After her parents got there, she took a deep breath and began telling the story. I ran my thumb over her hand, trying to comfort her and make it easier for her to articulate the situation.

To Azzi, Aurora, and I's dismay, the story she was telling was fabricated. According to Evelyn, she fell down the stairs of her apartment complex. If that was really what happened, why did we find her on the floor of her apartment?

It doesn't matter for now, we'll deal with that later I guess. Aurora and Azzi decided to leave for an hour or two to let Evelyn have some time with her family, and to clean Evelyns living room floor. I still can't manage to leave her, I don't know why either. It's not like we're dating, I mean we're barely friends.

As Evelyn's parents start to converse amongst themselves, I delve into a conversation with Evelyns older brother, Duke.

"So, how's basketball going?" He questions, seeming to be asking genuinely.

"We're doing pretty well this season, so pretty well!" I reply, trying to muster some enthusiasm in my voice.

Eventually the conversation leads to what he does for work, and where he went to college. He was interesting enough to hold my attention, at least until Azzi and Aurora got back saying we could go back now. Evelyn finally got discharged from the hospital and we headed back to her apartment.

It had gotten late, her family was tired from their flight, and Evelyn was tired from the hospital, so we all decided to head to bed. Evelyn's parents took the guest bedroom and her siblings took the couches, Aurora and Azzi went back to their dorms, and I followed Evelyn to her room to help her get in bed.

I help her change into her pajamas, lay her in her bed and pull the blankets over her, and just as I was sure she was asleep, I whispered a quiet goodnight and started to creep out of her bedroom.

Just before I was about to slip out of the door, I heard a whisper come from Evelyn, "Stay."

I stop. Did she just ask me to stay?

"Please," she whispers out again, so I turn around and head back towards the bed. I slip out of my sweatshirt, and lift the corner of the blanket just enough for me to get under.

As soon as I'm under the blanket, Evelyn slides over to me to cuddle up against my chest and falls right back to sleep. I wrap my arms around her and begin to go to sleep.

Evelyn's pov:

I try to stretch out when I wake up, but I can't? I slowly open my eyes and look around, trying to figure out why I can't move. Then I see it, two arms wrapped around my waist.

I begin to panic, thinking Blake is back, until I notice the long blonde hair that is also beside me. Paige? Why is she here? I try to remember last night, she helped me get in bed, then she stayed while I fell asleep, and then, oh wait. I wasn't asleep, it's always been hard for me to sleep alone, so I asked her to stay.

"Hey," I hear Paige's groggy voice say from beside me.

"Good morning," I say back, realizing how comfy she is. I start to snuggle back into her because she's warm, like why would I want to be cold?

I hear her start laughing before she says "Even though this is really comfy, I think we should go grab some of the breakfast  your mom made before it's cold." Even though I agree, I groan and try to sink further into her. How can I resist, I mean, she's literally the comfiest person to ever exist.

Eventually she convinces me to get up and she helps me to the table. We make light conversation with my family and decide to go out for the day. Apparently we're going to the beach, but I don't know I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation.

After breakfast, I get up and try to help my mom with the dishes, but she insists I should sit down and get ready for the beach because I'm still injured.

I head back to my bedroom to change into my swim suit. I only have one bikini from when i was younger because Blake didn't let me wear bikinis. Also one pieces were more practical because they cover my stomach.

Sighing, I grab a one piece and change into it, throwing a t-shirt and a pair a shorts on to go over.

Paige had to go back to her dorm to change into her bathing suit, and to pick up Azzi. Aurora hates going to the beach so it's just us and my family for today.

—

my new favorite food is tictacs

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles 19 traumatic things Link experianced

Pet him like a cat shadow.

At least Link's normal enough to get up now.

Awkward...

Shadow's like "Damn this is weird"

Link's selectively mute still but I'd struggle to talk with four dipshits screaming like cracked out squirrels in my head too so ya know, I don't even blame him for being shitty at communication with Shadow rn.

He's got his priorities in order: FOOD.

Okay but you know Link is mad his plan failed literally the day after he employed it.

I'd be pissed anyway XDDDD

The four of em fell asleep, wake back up and they're right back to square one, ground zero the shit storm he tried to escape from.

That's horrifying in a way I can't quite articulate. "Hopelessness" is the only word coming to mind. Like, everything he did, it didn't matter. It was all for nothing they're BACK to how they were.

His hopes that pulling the sword would fix it: Crushed.

The literal only difference is that Shadow's here.

Which, is BETTER but damn if the disappointment from Link isn't palpable. You can only imagine what's going through his head rn after all this shit, he's just defaulting to a LITTLE BIT of normalcy in making breakfast.

Shadow's back to defaulting to doing: well nothing.

He isn't helping Link and is just WATCHING. Smth literally just yesterday was ALL HE COULD DO.

They're both just defaulting to what they're used to because this shit is too weird.

Is nice of Link to make enough for Shadow though. XD

Haha okay I can get into this:

Literally Shadow and Link simultaneously know each other and don't.

In cannon: Shadow said ONE SENTANCE TO THIS MAN. A SINGLE THING. AND IT WAS MOCKING HIM LMFAO.

Yes Shadow had interaction with the colors but Link and Shadow: Nothing.

So of course he feels awkward around him.

They spent forever together and yet still feel so far away.

It's a tough situation.

Link pulling out the "you sure are quiet" is imo, him trying to be funny.

he continues with "thought you'd be more comfortable with me...at least considering how many times we've kissed"

Obviously this is in reference to Vio lmfao (...Also green but uh we'll get into that later). With Link's eyes matching Vio's.

Link is completely fucking with him and it's funny to me at least. Like he's so deadpan but he's being such a goof rn.

Though it is interesting to note how Link directly says Vio is him without any separation here. Since Vio also thought he was Link last night.

WHY WOULDN'T HE REMEMBER SMOOCHING YA SHADOW???

Shadow clearly not knowing HOW Link works is kinda hilarious but also, nobody knows how this works.

Link casually referencing what Vio said in the fire temple, it's much more obvious now he's goofing with Shadow rn.

Shadow realizing the obvious, that Link IS the same person he's been hanging around just mashed together is a small but good reminder. Like link isn't a stranger fully. He's still the four of them.

Shadow just asking "Is this for me" would seem weird but uhh remember:

He didn't have a BED. He's been a SHADOW for YEARS. Like. Shadow being neglected isn't new. So it's a sad notion but he is shocked he'd be given food.

Link kinda having a "Wtf u mean? duh it's for you." moment.

Also the bomb drop that Link knows about Dark Link...Oops.

Exactly what relationship/how he KNOWS about Dark is kinda, left open since he doesn't elaborate what so ever...

It can be assumed he just knows what everyone else does. Buuut. There's always that "but"

"Link what are you blabbing for they can hear you" - Shadow continuing to not understand how Link works. XD

I don't think it was mentioned anywhere before this but haha Blue was also in on the splitting Link plan. Vio and Red are the only ones left out of some of the loop it seems...But they were mainly worried about Vio catching on.

Link accuratly noting this nightmare isn't anything like the first time. Sorry buddy it's cause you're in an unrated comic by a weirdo fan vs any official Zelda comic. XDDD Which wouldn't allow 90% of what's in this comic I'm sure haha.

Also reasonable train of thought thought Shadow buddy about reverting back into a shadow. What a terrifying thought.

Aw Link's being sweet and- TRIFORCE

Yeah Shadow's sweating bullets considering uh the little fact Ganon said "Here catch, you're evil triforce of power man now"

Takes Link a second to remember back on that convo Shadow and Vio had about the triforce in the flashbacks. PG 179-182 ish if you're curious on brushing up on that.

Oh hi Vio.

I don't think a lot of people caught that this was Vio's design from FS. Which is why Shadow was SO DISTURBED to see him like that. Link's very all over the place mentally and it's showing with his appearance. He's unstable as all hell right now.

Blue chiming in with "Wait a damn minute" remembering Zelda ALSO has the Triforce on her hand.

Vio and Red are being obtuse/ignorant while Blue and Green know smth's up and are getting pissy about it.

Which just makes Link: All over the damn spectrum of emotion about this right now haha.

I'd get tonal whiplash too Shadow.

Link going down the list of things he thought Shadow would want haha.

and Shadow's gay lil confession that all he really wants is Link is sweet.

I mean what else does he have to strive for? He gave up on a lot of his old dreams as pointless after becoming apart of the endless cycle of hatred.

It's noteworthy that Link's outfit glitches to black again.

The line "Which you" was a very fun one to come up with. Because it just, hits ya.

Link isn't one entity. He's multiple. And he literally can't tell who Shadow's talking to in that moment. Because the underlying assumption (To Link and this will become obvious) is that Shadow really only cares about Vio.

All of last night is probably a complete blur/emotional whiplash around Shadow For Link.

Shadow threw a sword at Blue and was VERY hostile, was ALL OVER THE PLACE emotionally with Green mostly being bitter as hell, didn't really acknowledge red and Vio had a complete meltdown over his guilt surrounding Shadow and their friendship and relationship as a whole was all over the place.

Cram that all back together and what is Link supposed to take away from all that. Overall dude had a net negative experience with Shadow and now he's telling him he wants him?

I'd be confused as hell too.

Hi Zelda.

Safe to say that was inevitable given how badly Link was bugging out this entire time.

He couldn't handle seeing Zelda haha.

I don't think people caught Vio is just in his "headspace" outfit. Except it isn't pastel color palette.

Panic attack, featuring Blue. He was the most vocally insistent they draw the sword, was activly trying to force his way out of Link's mish mash body during that whole ordeal. The main take away is that: He HATES being In Link and that was just about the worst nightmare come to life for him.

He doesn't even want Red to touch him, which considering the way it's all but stated Link's magical body is just their bodies pressed together into one form makes the angle that they're all LITERALLY touching each other that much more...ehhh disturbing.

It's okay guys he just needs a minute alone-

Hah. Everyone's leaving you Vio. Doesn't press on the ol anxieties or anything.

Doesn't make it easy for a certain someone to come visit you.

Vio's insecurities focusing around being ALONE and himself are smth that's been fun.

He mainly wants to be Link out of pure selfishness and self hatred. Link is an escape from his own accountability, a way for him to keep himself in check. While Blue finds it to be an outright prison.

Everything Dark is saying about here Vio could also be applied to himself and even Dark says that. He looks miserable while saying it too since Vio's problems are starting to hit a lot closer to home.

At least we got Shadow to yank Vio out of his funk. But Dark has no one to do that for him.

Shadow petting Vio's face here while in a headlock is just, funny to me. Shadow can't affection properly at all lmfao.

But hey he knows when our lil buddy is active. Oops.

Oh the fun they have together alright. 😏

It'll be a real wet and fun time-

What the hell Dark is talking about is left pretty open for now.

But he is getting sick of just sad reactions to what he says.

He's nervous when faced with women. Same bro.

Green and Shadow begging for help on wtf to do with their new squid monster is pretty hilarious to me.

Vio's being perceptive.

"IT IS!?" yeah red. And if you were an interesting character I'd write you doing things. :D

HAH. TRAUMA. DARK LINK RELATED TRAUMA.

Surely that won't bite us in the ass later or anything...

Vio's outfit is very covered up because he's emotionally closed off yada yads I've mentioned this before.

This hasn't been brought up in the comic but Green is afraid of tentacles lmfao so his fear at Dark rn is warranted.

Shadow blatantly not caring what Dark is doing rn because he's busy

Zelda notices right away that Dark defied vaati which must have been weird for her in real time hah.

Shadow's instant response to what to do with Dark is "Murder"

Nice to see you've grown so much shadow lmfao.

Notice how Link being around isn't even the thinly vailed excuse dude just doesn't like Dark Link lmfao. Most of what he said to Dark last night imo was pure projection and again: Not because he cared about Dark. But now he feels like they have an easy to to get rid of him via Zelda. Doesn't have to confront weird feelings if the guy is gone ooomf.

Zelda isn't outright apposed to getting rid of Dark Link but is like "Uhh...But what about link tho-"

Shadow noticed his hair change.

I'm sure he noticed earlier, it's right in his eye sight but background detail of him actually looking at it like "Wtf?"

Also fun pressure to put on Green when he's strung out to shit rn.

HI DARK LINK! :D

Uhhhhhh. Okay then.

So Green's got murder trauma.

He's also just sick of the responsibilities piling on him like a crushing weight.

There's smth to be said about how Dark isn't a murderer so, doesn't have blood around his feet haha visual metaphores haha.

So clarity: Link as a whole person murdered the people who killed his father. And Vio and Green were the ones who had main control in that moment.

Hope that clears some stuff up.

Dark finds this shit hilarious because he's sadistic but Green snaps out of the panic to realize THIS GUY IS DARK LINK.

The moment Green switches from his helpless attire into his current fit was very fun emotionally cause this was the first time someone had ANY amount of control when facing Dark Link. (Excluding Shadow I suppose, in terms of the colors anyway)

Green being a badass is just smth I enjoy and the "Oh shit moment" was very fun to watch people react to haha.

Dark was so excited when seeing Green acknowledge him.

It really goes to show all of his "Nyeh you're such a shitty person" talk is literally not even his own opinion when it comes to the four colors. He's literally just repeating their insecurities and nothing else. Those words have NO BITE to them because Dark doesn't even believe it.

He's so excited to see Green because Green's the ONLY PERSON Who's truly acknowledged him in the head space.

Dark being so overwhelmed with joy he vomits.

Dark really doesn't have a lot of emotional regulation emotionally or physically. Like. The idea here is he's just, so excited he literally physically cannot handle that shit haha. I made a shitpost about it once but it's kinda just, accurate. XD

Green's like "Wtf is wrong with you"

because this isn't ANYTHING he thought he'd be dealing with considering how Shadow was acting/talking about him lmfao.

He was expecting Shadow 2.0 and got...This guy.

Guy who apologizes when acting goofy as shit

Guy who is excited to see him overjoyed even...After utterly destroying him not 2 seconds ago.

Just. A silly. Goofy guy.

It is fun to have Dark switch IMEDIATELY to depressed as hell thinking about how he's been so alone.

I would really describe Dark's excitement here as pure mania. because at the root Dark is a depressed individual.

Dark gives no shits when faced with death.

No begging or pleading for his life just "idk do what you want to I don't care"

Which, Dark Link's lack of care for his own personal safety has been shown off before and will only be a continued trend.

At the end of the day it shows a clear lack of self respect or care for himself.

Dark doesn't value himself.

Green's mercy here is rooted in his own selfishness.

He doesn't WANT to kill Dark Link because he doesn't want to hurt people. Which him and Vio did.

Green is ALSO very exhausted. And what you get is two individuals who would typically be at each other's throats, who aren't interested in fighting each other because they're just so worn out. The drive just isn't there.

Which leads them to being able to actually talk to each other in a meaningful way. And I just find that interesting.

Under different circumstances, these two very well could have fought here. XD

[cipheramnesia]

When, like me, you're exploring the low budget depths of the free to stream horror genre, when life gives you a movie called Oops! You're A Vampire you watch it. I don't set high expectations for these movies, and I don't watch them because I think they'll be good. I do it because I love horror movies without reservation. If you wanna see new people in the genre, new directions, or really just anything a little off the beaten path, you gotta go off the beaten path. This also pertains to watching movies not made by US Americans, which I do but we're talking about the low budget stuff.

Okay so what are we even doing with our lives? I don't know where to start with Oops! You're A Vampire (OYAV) except that it's one of the reasons I keep going back to this dumpster. It's not good. If you want good, go find a movie that can afford a score besides copyright free classical music., feel me? But for working off a shoestring, it's shockingly effective. The acting is average, but everyone does their level best to rise to the occasion. The camera work, lighting, and editing are all significantly higher quality than I'd have anticipated, as is the writing and directing - in fact overall the effectiveness of OYAV in creating emotional connections and thoughtful metaphors soars with what I can only imagine is the same sense of pride as a garage built airplane taking flight. It surely doesn't belong up there in the sky but somehow there it is. The bizarre way the dysfunctional family unites against the adversity of one of them being a vampire, and the way vampirism itself is likened to a degenerative disease rather than something that creates a superhuman monster is passingly close to a genius metaphor, though not fully articulated. In particular an xmas dinner sequence in a messy dining room with blood soaked walls from the victims of the titular vampire is both grotesque and heartbreaking.

The closest OYAV comes to being the comedy its billed as is the worst, scene, a painful and cringe inducing attempt by a True-Blood parody of an elder vampire to take the younger one into his suspect care. Everything else, while varying in tone, rarely strays far from something like a wistful and sad sense of longing, each person in the family wishing they had some way to connect to each other, and the only way they find any common ground is caring for a sickly vampire. There are movies that go way above their range, and of all things Oops! I'm A Vampire is one. Now whether you should watch it is another order. If you are an appreciator of micro-budget trash, you may just be delighted at this rough masterpiece. If not, well it's probably not a good idea.

[silvexus]

Re: Sometimes feeling species dysphoria as someone who doesn't ID as non-human - would you be willing to expand on that? It's okay if not - I don't want to pry - but I've never heard of someone having that experience before and think it might be valuable to the overall conversation.

That said the comparison to cis folks sometimes experiencing gender dysphoria makes intuitive sense to me, too.

Sure! I'll try my best to figure out how to articulate this in a way that makes sense and is also respectful (as someone who doesn't ID as non-human, I obviously do not want to appropriate experiences!) but I do fear it may not be as interesting as it sounds.

This got really long, so I'm putting in a read more, oops!

For clarification, I experience psychosis (since childhood) and have neurological disorders. I think the combination of these things is what causes what I'm about to try to describe, though I would certainly not try to say that the only thing that can cause species dysphoria is this sort of experience, nor would that would make someone's experience any less valid if they chose to ID as non-human if they were in a similar situation. Everyone is different, after all!

Primarily, this thing I equate to species dysphoria manifests as two different things that I tend to describe as non-human body language and non-organic yearning.

Non-human body language isn't as encompassing as I'd like it to be, but it's hard to articulate. My limbs don't feel right sometimes; disproportionate to each other, maybe. My spine feels wrong; too short, maybe? That could be the scoliosis causing both of these things, but it happens in my arms sometimes too. I don't know what it wants to be, however. There's ways my body wants to move to convey ideas to others than I can't emulate properly. My vocal mimicry is good, but not good enough, though I wouldn't really tell you what calls I'm supposed to make. I do trill a lot, when I can.

My teeth aren't quite sharp enough, I know that. And would a tail help? Would upright, pointy ears? A crest of feathers? I wouldn't mind a crest, I think, but then the moment passes and what I have is... acceptable. Fine. I am here, in this place, and my nerves are made of fire.

In a more permanent fashion, I bunt people to show my affection, but even when I physically can't it is a constant urge. (I nearly broke poor @/sattarehi asking if I could bunt him.) It's easier to move on all fours sometimes, or just in ways that are unintuitive to a human blueprint. To curl around people while we're sitting on the edge of a bed, them sitting up, me on my side to encircle them, in a way I don't see others doing often. The way I hold my arms sometimes feels like the resting position of something else; holding them at my sides like a person is expected to feels wrong, like it'll impede my ability to flee if I need to. (From what? Is that the paranoia? The hypervigilance? The nerves again? The various and sundry neurodivergencies?) When I'm socially allowed to cross my arms it helps, but it's not quite perfect.

Sometimes, the fact that I cannot do these things more effectively (though my brain does not grant me the knowledge of what that would look like), that I am considered eccentric and strange for doing them at all, pulls at something in me that doesn't speak in any language I have access to.

As an aside that may only slightly be relevant, my social integration is interesting. People who are friends or close associates or even people I think of fondly become extensions of us in a way that isn't so much possessive, but in the same way a tight knit family group might be among certain animals. (Which is why when people ask 'do you experience romantic love?' I can't honestly say. This is already quite intense, you want me to try and define it further?) And that's to say nothing of the prey drive. The human prey drive is intense enough, and I can certainly repress it well (I can't believe PvP games were good for something) but mine feels a little overtuned.

... So the non-organic yearning is fun to try and figure out, but it provokes the same feelings, so I'll try to articulate it just in case it helps!

It feels like I am made of something deeper. Something farther. Here, there, everywhere. I feel like I am floating adrift in a dark sea, unable to drown or sink, though surely I must. Surely I must. And yet.

It isn't an invincibility. It isn't a belief in a higher power or an afterlife. For the sake of my health, I cannot believe in these things. (We shan't talk about my childhood delusions, but they were quite elaborate! You could tell I was into world religions as study subject as a child.)

But sometimes I look into the sky and feel it staring back, like I am stuck in a Polaroid that an old friend keeps looking at to remember me. I look at pictures from all of our instruments that turn into the infinite dark beyond our planet and my brain thinks I want to go home the same way I do when I see my hometown on a map. I am not from here, something in me insists. I am from nowhere, but I am certainly not from here. Is that the intergenerational trauma? The thing that infects you and fills in where your grandparents' language and food and culture is supposed to be? The remains of what a war before you were born left behind? Or is it something else?

It feels like something else, the same way sometimes my body feels wrong in the same, but different, way that it always feels wrong. It feels like whatever I am, separate from this meat suit and these mutinous neurotransmitters, is from somewhere else. That it knows this. That it wants to go back.

Not all of my body dysmorphia is neatly gender dysphoria. Species dysphoria, as a term, helps gather these experiences up neatly, even if I don't identify as non-human. I am human. I am a strange, eccentric human, even if I feel like Something Else Wearing A Human Skin, but ultimately human regardless. Despite that, almost. Maybe, in a strange, contradictory way, I'm both. Human is what I want to be, at the end of this day. But regardless, it does help me understand things a bit more than someone who doesn't have the same experiences, I think. And maybe this will change in the future as my understanding of myself grows! I'm a whole adult, but I'm growing every day, you know?

(You know that book, Casual Rex? And they made it into a show pilot/TV movie called Anonymous Rex? And it was about dinosaurs barely surviving their extinction and pretending to be human and they wore disguises to blend in? There's a scene where a character describes another character as "she's a human pretending to be a dinosaur pretending to be a human!" Life feels like that sometimes.)

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hi~ I just wanna ask you, how do you think/feel about Eli & Heather's relationship and their 'history'? Like some people said that Heather took advantage of Eli's innocence, some people said that it was Eli's mistake.

Ok anon. I have my thoughts but I reread the arc just to try and articulate them better. Fucking forgot Darius Hong was in this. And no one needs more Darius Hong in their life. Anyway.

Eli Jang/Heather Relationship rambles

In this essay...

Damn. This is rough. Please note I may be the least well informed person to give my thoughts on this. Happy for anyone to disagree.

Sigh. I think a lot of times we think of things in black and white, whereas almost everything is in shades of grey.

Eli Jang & Heather's background

First off, Eli has experienced a lot of trauma when he was first introduced, and clearly going through a lot mentally. He's also stunted in a lot of ways and 'deprived of an education'. Literally everything that he has known was abuse. Ran away from home at the age of 10. And whatever fucked up shit was going on with Tom Lee too.

I cannot stress how clear all of this is.

With Heather, the only real thing we know about her is she's 15. Both parents lawyers and very overbearing.

Eli Jang's 'recovery' from trauma

But by chapter 237: Eli Jang (6) a month passes and they have both met. Eli, from how he is portrayed, has already improved a lot. Healed a lot. Not fully. I think we need to remember that the passing of time and progression differs massively in Lookism than in real life.

If this was real life, nope. Lookism, ehhhh. Literally please suspend your belief.

This is in part a big reason why I don't blame Heather for her actions that night.

The huge fucking question mark over consent

I can also never fully agree with anyone saying that Heather groomed Eli. To me, she acts very much like a 15 year old girl with a crush. Less nefarious than what grooming implies. Could she have been better informed and set boundaries? Hell yeah.

From what we can see in the panels, Eli reciprocates her feelings. Sure there might be other things going on, but if there were insidious intentions I feel like PTJ would show it more front and center.

To me, looking at the storyline and art, it just feels like 2 people with a crush.

At the same time, if we apply real life morals to this, then yeah it's all pretty messed up. This isn't real life though.

(Sex education is a whole other kettle of fish I don't want to get into. Where I'm from, we have free contraceptives, free medical care, sex education. But oops, teenage pregnancies still happen an awful lot.)

Here's where people might disagree because I'm giving consent to people on their behalf - though we're talking about fictional characters here and all we can do is speculate.

My opinions on this are:

If we ask Heather if she believed Eli consented that night, she would fully believe so.

Similarly at the time, Eli would probably say yes he did.

I have little reason shown by PTJ to doubt that he would withdraw his consent present day as well.

As for Eli's mistake?

Uhh. Assuming they are both able to consent, and let's just say yes for the sake of simplicity, then I don't see how the night together is his mistake?

The whole mess afterwards and the poor communication and martyr thing going on I would say is his mostly his fault. Yes, he has his reasons for it. Two things can still be true.

And fucking Olly Wang.

But Heather was right there. Eli could have cleared the air with her. Said wtf I didn't message you those but he didn't.

Heather lashed out, which I think is a very human response to her situation and the sudden insane amount of pressure placed on her shoulders, however unfair her words are. She didn't have the full story though, whereas Eli did.

So like I said, I place more of the ownership of this situation on Eli even though I can also see where it all stems from.

In Summary

This goes back to what I said before about there are so many shades of grey, and this situation and relationship is absolutely not black and white. To me, anyway.

We can also imply all we want with things happening off-screen during any of the arcs though it's better to stick with what we can see or clearly read between the lines.

Taking in my thoughts above, honestly? I just think it's a tragic story about 2 kids that had unprotected sex one night and then it fucking spiralled. I don't see the blame lying with either one for their actions. Based on my reasons above.

This situation feels too nuanced here for me to say yeah Heather fucked up or Eli fucked up because there are so many details at play here, mostly to do with Eli Jang's background but also to do with the pacing of time and recovery in PTJ-verse.

TL;DR: No-one sucks here. Too many nuances. Sad af situation.

[everybodyshusband]

self harm talk in this ask as well as some kinda depresing regression stuff

feel free to delete this ask if it makes you uncomfortable in any way, your wellbeing comes first and i want you to know that

one thing i have, i guess struggled with is regressing after sh-ing. the whole mentally smaller mindset really gets freaked out by pain in general but that specifically is really bad. i was wondering if you have any ideas on how rain dew and phantom would react if they were to regress after that?

oooh, this is a topic that i've actually given a lot of thought to, so thank you for inadvertently giving me an excuse to spill my thoughts, lovely anon. i hope things get easier for you soon, love. if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here <3

i think i could probably split my thoughts about this particular topic into extensive sub-sections (with footnotes upon footnotes of extra information) for each of these three ghouls, but for now, let's just see where the rambling leads us, shall we ?

under the cut. cw for discussions/descriptions of self harm in relation to regressed ghouls, INCLUDING DEWDROP SELF HARMING WHILE REGRESSED.

let's start with phantom (because i don't have as much to say about them, oops).

they're the newest in the pack, and in my personal headcanons, they regress to an infant/very young toddler. there's a number of reasons why they regress and in what ways, but after self harming they never find themselves in a positive regressed headspace. when they regress they're nonverbal, so there's a lot of crying, whining and distressed wiggling when they can't verbalise their thoughts. sometimes calming them down enough to stop their tears is as easy as putting a pretty band-aid on their wounds, kissing over the plaster, and sticking a teether in their mouth. but there are times when even that isn't enough to distract them and they're stuck in their nonverbal distressed state until they return to their non-regressed self.

rain is a little bit different.

rain also regresses for a multitude of reasons, but after self harming, it can be guaranteed that the pain and guilt of the aftermath is the cause of their regressed headspace. when they're little, they're still "big" enough to vocalise their thoughts, even if their usual articulation and well-spoken-ness isn't present. the pack find it much easier to take care of them because rain doesn't usually have any trouble telling them exactly what happened with the right amount of coaxing. they get very freaked out by the pain that comes afterwards because even though their head is a bit fuzzy, they know that they are the cause of their own pain, and they don't like that at all. if they've regressed after self harming, it's common to find them curled up on aether's lap in the common room (in front of the nice, warm fire), hugging them tightly while their cuddle buddy strokes his fingers through their hair as they do their best to calm down.

although, sometimes, if their headspace is bad enough before regressing, that craving for hurt will carry over into their regression. they don't ever do anything about it though apart from curl up even tighter in aether's lap and hug him with more ferocity as they sob and whine into his chest (but perhaps the only reason they haven't self harmed while regressed yet is because they can't quite coordinate their hands to do their bidding).

dewdrop on the other hand... (ohh i've thought about him so much, i'm not sure i can even remember everything i want to say !!)

i like to think that a lot of the time dew regresses is because something in his head pulls the emergency alarm to shut down his brain in whatever way it can. he doesn't necessarily become distressed from the pain that comes after self harming while regressed because a lot of the time, he barely ever reaches that stage without regressing first. his brain recognises his thought processes as dangerous and shuts him down until he's small enough that theoretically he can't do anything about it. but has that ever stopped him ? well... not really.

there are times where he self harms and regresses due to the specific type of pain it brings, and there are times when he self harms and doesn't regress afterwards at all. but in my mind, most of the times he self harms are when he's regressed. yes his brain flicks that switch to keep him safe, but by the time it's been registered in his head that he isn't safe, he's too far down that line of thinking to stop it. of course, when he's regressed, he can't ever self harm to the extent he can when he isn't, which brings around all sorts of feelings of uselessness that, unfortunately, keep the cycle going. it's not that he doesn't get freaked out by the pain simply because he inflicts it on himself when he's regressed though, not at all. something that happens quite often is that dew will regress to a toddler or small child, self harm, and then regress even smaller from the distress it causes him (on some notable occasions, he's even been sent spiralling into a pet regressed headspace rather than an age regressed one in his head's frantic attempt to keep him safe after he's managed some particularly bad self harm (kitty dew, my beloved)). this is partially because he knows he's not supposed to be doing this while he's regressed, he's not supposed to have a craving for self-inflicted pain (he is, quite literally, just a lil guy) but he can't ever find ways to stop himself and it worries him a lot. he gets very scared and lost in his head when he's like this, so the pack have to keep an especially close eye on him and keep him extra safe as much as they can.

aaaaand i think that's about it :0 thank you again for your ask, anon. i'm very happy to be given an excuse to talk about it. if anyone has any questions of a similar vein, please feel free to drop them in my ask box, i could talk about this particular topic for days and not get tired of it :')

[queerdiazs]

20 questions for fic writers

i was tagged by @callmenewbie, @hippolotamus, @watchyourbuck, @thewolvesof1998, @jesuisici33, @wikiangela, and @exhuastedpigeon 🫶🏼

i'm gonna put it under a cut because phew it got kinda long

how many works do you have on ao3?

31

what's your total ao3 word count?

uh, 301,903 which... goddamn look at me go

what fandoms do you write for?

i've written for stucky, geraskier, yenskier, steddie, and buddie, but it's only buddie right now. those 2 losers are really rotting in my whole brain and i'm loving every second of it 🤭

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(i cheated and used only buddie okay) the side effects of eating too many clementines at 759 the dinosaurs smelled magnolias at 722 this is why you shouldn't piss in the ocean at 668 you'll feel the rush of it all at 511 all things bright and beautiful at 453

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i absolutely respond to comments! it might take me a while because i'm not articulate enough to convey how much i adore everybody, but i love talking with people that enjoy the silly goofy stuff i write!

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

burned on the pyre, a steddie timeloop fic. the ending isn't exactly angsty, but it isn't as joyous as all my others because it was important to me to keep it as realistic as i could + it reflects my mental state so, uh, oops

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mm, i think you can argue all my fics have happy endings but if you go down in the woods today has the FUNNIEST ending and that's important

do you get hate on fics?

yeah lmao

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes i do! and, um, the explicit kind? i don't know how to answer this because my porn varies for each fic but they fuck nasty regardless!

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

no. that's not for me.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

absolutely i have <3

have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope. i tried once when i was younger but it didn't work out because i'm a dickhead and found that i was not only writing my parts but fixing theirs as well.

what's your all time favorite ship?

i've had a lot of ships over the year and i'm never going to forget any of them, ever, but buddie gives me so much joy and good times and i think... yeah they're probably my favorite ship

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

none of them honestly? i'm going to finish all of them.

what are your writing strengths?

uh, dialogue. maybe.

what are your writing weaknesses?

angst, emotions, porn, things that make sense, action, romantic relationships, ANGST.

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

god, so i'm pretentious and while i know some spanish i'm definitely not fluent but i refuse to use google translate so a friend of mine helps me with translating as straight across as we can—so like, long story short, it's a yes from me

first fandom you wrote for?

maximum ride on ff dot net 💀 why was i 12 years old learning how to navigate that fuckin site my god

favorite fic you've written?

but i've got my teeth in you, a bad things happen fic where buck gets a tooth knocked out during the lafd annual baseball game and somehow proposes to eddie, who of course says yes. it's just so FUN?

i'm no pressure tagging @honestlydarkprincess, @shitouttabuck, @giddyupbuck, @callaplums, @daffi-990, @try-set-me-on-fire, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @eddiediaztho, @nmcggg, and honestly anybody else who wants to be a lil chatty mwah

[my-little-hyperfixation]

I have been lazy with my g5 stuff sorry I'm still thinking abt them

anyways. pictured above is the Good Friends G5 blind box hitch next to one of the Sunny 3 inch figs (don't remember which one) the CN poseables are about the same height as the 3 inch line. The molds are the same, albeit slightly smaller and shorter. The articulation is the same, with what I would argue is a better ball joint.

Edit; these look to be recasts from G5 figures. Weird to me that Dinosaw wasn't able to use the same molds or get copies made in time for this release to match the Hasbro size perfectly. Alternatively there may be some sort of benefit through law or policy that encourages them to make their own molds or prevents them from doing using Hasbro's. Ultimately weird because I feel this line's figure design supersedes Hasbro's figures, and they don't look to be all that different.

The head molds are all entirely original, and have pretty great face ups. It's all printed from what I can tell. I personally feel the Dinosaw line has a far more extremely appealing toy design, the only real notable difference being the faces. Hitch is even on the weaker side of the line, for me as a Hitch fan, he still is much cuter than the Sunny I compared him to personally.

The plastic is notably cheaper to me, it feels much harder in comparison to the Hasbro plastic. That's me splitting hairs- G5 as a whole is fairly inexpensive feeling. I only brought it up because...well I just really like when my Ponies feel good to hold. The Good Friends Blind Box ponies, feel just okay :)

Each doll comes with a card. I have not actually opened them all yet I'm too indecisive and anxious haha. It's been almost a month. Oops.

my rating is 9/10 for fans, 7/10 in general. A must have if you are unsatisfied with the current G5 figs. I'm interested in buying houses made for G5 in China, they all look so great! It looks to be the same scale shown here. I am very pleased, but I also acknowledge that in a general sense these toys will not appeal to everyone. It's very anti-pony to me, but these still have room to be enjoyed for a non-pony fan.

I imported my dolls from SuperBuy, if you where wondering

[wanderingblindly]

20 questions for fic writers - from the ever incredible @like-pilot-lights!!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12! Although I've purged this account multiple times, so god only knows how many there used to be.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

84,147!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just Formula 1, but my history is... questionable. (Dan and Phil, The Amazing Spiderman, Visual Kei)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? -

Is It Gay to Watch Your Teammate on Tiktok? (Landoscar) - genuinely had no idea this would garner so much interest?????

Middle Child Syndrome (Lestappen) - with love, this fic is the bane of my existence. Pacing whomst? Embarrassing to read tbh.

Rules of Engagement (Lestappen) - domestic fluff, my beloved!

Second Time's the Charm (Lestappen) - idiots in love, my beloved!

All The Stars We Cannot See (Lestappen) - this holds a fond place in my heart

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! The neglected youngest child in me craves validation like no other lol. Plus, I like the feeling of community it gives, especially when I see the same people in multiple works ^^

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am a spineless worm and cannot write angst :)))))

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh I'd say they're all similar? Ish? Love a "getting together" trope, man.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, and I've never seen hate on any F1 fic I've read! Thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, but -- according to my old fic archives -- FIFTEEN YEAR OLD LIQUID THOUGHT SHE COULD???? WHY????

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't! Though my gf and I have a running joke of a Yuri on Ice!!! x F1 crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No one's had bad enough taste to claim mine as theirs lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!!! It's still on my AO3 lol, but someone translated one of my Amazing Spiderman fics into Mandarin (it haunts me)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no, although

Not formally, but @like-pilot-lights and I basically spam each other in chat until we find the plot so... she's basically my co-author on everything lmao

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Sebchal was my first F1 love, and therefore will always have a special place in my heart. That said, I think it would be a tie between sebson and sewis? Sebastian is the common denominator, as always, and there's something about... them seeing him grow from red bull to ferrari, the trust and respect? I can't articulate it but god I love them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oop the sequel to Second Time's the Charm has been in my drafts for.... ages.... and for some reason just won't come to me. I'll never say I won't finish it though, the idea could hit at any time!

I've also had a lestappen twitch streamer AU in my drafts for ages, but I can't seem to nail down the tone? The characterization, maybe.

16. What are your writing strengths?

If I'm honest, I'm not entirely sure? I don't think I'm consistent enough in my writing to have any strengths. I guess my writing occasionally has a pretty specific style to it, so maybe 'stylizing'? If that's a strength?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I :) cannot :) shut :) up :)

Probably pacing as a result of my obsessive exposition dumping. I also frequently get arrested by the "he wouldn't fucking say that" police tbh.

Oh, and I'm trying to break the habit of writing in a way that sounds good in my very specific mental inflection, which often doesn't translate well when someone else reads it. That's a hard habit to break.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't mind it if it has a thematic purpose, but just for funsies? I don't see the value add

19. First fandom you wrote for?

... Visual Kei ... the GazettE had content on livejournal back in the day

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Although I don't think it's my best fic, I have a soft spot for The Sum of Our Parts (sebchal). It was my second fic in the fandom, and it was the piece where I felt like I found my personal tone.

It was also the moment where I proved to myself that I could write more than one fic, that I could still come up with ideas like when I was younger. It was a very... solidifying experience, if that makes sense?

I'm thankful to that fic, despite all its flaws.

I think everyone I know has been tagged? Throwing a few people out there though, zero stress if you don't wanna do it <333 @felixsaysstuff @jennarations @f1-giuki @lattesqueeze

[cyvonix]

Cyv Reads Homestuck - The Final Wrapup

This is my last post for the main comic, covering all of Act 6 Act 6 as well as Act 7.

God I feel like I have so much to say but no way to properly put it into a neat little bow so it might be a little more like me just rambling passionately. Hey that's like the perfect allegory for Homestuck.

Anyway if you just want the TL;DR for how I'm feeling overall, I feel it should almost go without saying I fucking loved this story. I can say with complete certainty that it has been a landmark in media I've consumed and will assuredly alter the way I consume things moving forward. In the several months it's taken me to finish, I've grown so attached to this story and these characters, and despite any qualms I may have with it (and trust me, there are plenty) I think it is a wonderfully creative and excellent piece of art that I'm going to continue loving for a long time. It does so many things I've never seen a work like this do before, and it takes advantage of its format in so many masterful ways that it ends up a mesmerizing kaleidoscope of so many styles and mediums that makes it truly stand on its own as something special. As I prepare to read the continuation of the official content and assuredly follow various fan adventures, fan projects, art, music and all of these amazing things that have spawned from this, I just want to make it as clear as possible: I cannot overstate the positive impact this weird little webcomic has had on me.

So that's that. I think now I probably wanna get a bit more into the nitty gritty stuff and delve into some of my more specific opinions. Here's the problem: I have a fuck ton. Seriously, if I were to properly articulate all the thoughts I have on this work, we would be here all god damn day and I would get tired of typing and you would get tired of scrolling. So I'm just gonna kind of go with the flow and go where my brain wants to go with this post. I figure I should probably get some complaints out of the way first, because I don't wanna end this on a sour note, but I do wanna mention them, because Homestuck does certainly have its problems:

Pretty obviously, the early comic was entrenched in a 2000s edgy forum culture that made it a little cringe to read sometimes. The ableist language that was liberally used as well as pretty distasteful jokes pertaining to race and sexuality make some of these early sections age a bit like milk. Fortunately, this takes a massive dip after around Act 4, but it still lingers a while after, and it obviously didn't ruin anything for me and isn't like, EGREGIOUS, but it still makes me think like man I wish this stuff wasn't here because it adds nothing and feels so out of place in the current day.

Speaking of race, and specifically racial representation, oops! There's none! I know, I know, I know. "Aracial". And that's all well and good in theory, but it's pretty obvious that Hussie wrote these characters from a decidedly white perspective and as a result that's just naturally how they read, despite any excuse he used to try making for it. And that in itself isn't some massive problem, just a note on the authorial bias at play. But then the only ones who don't read as white? The violent one who uses broken, obviously uninformed AAVE, and the japanese schoolgirl who speaks in bad japanese and wears cute little stereotypical outfits and is constantly sexualized. All I'm saying is, come on man, we can do better.

Hey look we reached the part where I rant about the dancestors. I mean what do I even have to say. Why did they even exist ??? Meenah is the only one who ended up being interesting in any meaningful way, and I guess Aranea even though I didn't feel particularly positive about her and her place in the story even after everything had happened. The rest were less interesting than the original 12, less funny than the original 12, and way more annoying and surface-level than the original 12. Seemingly on purpose. So I thought oh ok, this story hasn't let me down with this kinda stuff yet, so let's give it the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this is for some bigger reason, maybe it's essential that they're in the story for later, maybe we'll get some actual development and I'll turn around on them. I was wrong to do so. They're nothing. They are nothing characters. Even what seemed like it should've been something - Kurloz working with Gamzee - just kinda never got elaborated on and faded into the background. So then. Why. Why are they here? Why do they exist? Why did you make me spend hours meeting them? Genuinely felt like a total waste of time and you could take out that entire section from the story and lose effectively nothing. Worst part of the comic by far.

The pacing of this story can be rough. And I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on this point, because reading this archivally and knowing it was updated serially in small bursts over time, it makes total sense and I honestly excuse it for the most part. Buuuut that doesn't mean it's not noticeable sometimes that the comic will go through dry spells that can sorta be slogs to get through, and then follow with most breakneck pace you could imagine immediately after, and is always undulating between these two modes. Eh.

Those are really the only big negative things I have to say. Well, sorta. I think the rest will mostly be positive, but I... hm. I think that... ok let's talk about the ending.

First of all, Act 7. Wow. just holy shit. I've jokingly been calling Homestuck a shonen anime since like Act 4 but ???? god DAMN dude that was fucking incredible. Never would I expect actual, traditional animation from a Homestuck flash, and it was so satisfying as a final animation. That being said, I feel a bit... conflicted about the context surrounding the ending? For the record, the actual ending itself, like the last moments of the comic, I think are lovely and thematically feel super appropriate. Seeing Caliborn basically transform into Lord English is that one final time loop after a series of hundreds of time loops, finally finishing itself off. And all the while, the kids break the cycle. No more loops of destruction and rebirth and destrucion again. They won, not in the sense that they beat the big bad guy and saved the day, but in a much more poignant way; they stopped this whole fucking thing from ever happening again. I genuinely do love it. It feels appropriately existential for Homestuck, but not quite cynical. It's an ending of death and rebirth. Hopeful at its core.

I think there are a few reasons I feel a little odd about it. First is that, just tbh, I think we were introducing way too many characters way too fucking late. I mean we basically just met Davepetasprite, who is a fucking joy btw, and then BAM ending. This means that most of these later additions to the cast don't get to have much impact on the ensuing events, and even if they do, it's not as emotionally resonant as these other characters we've had plenty of time to learn about and grow to love. I would never insinuate Homestuck should be EVEN LONGER, but it does feel a bit like just throwing the fandom a few last bones to be like here! Write some fics about these peeps! But I would've wanted more actual in-universe development and narrative relevance, otherwise I just don't get a whole lot from it.

The other thing that just feels a little... idk, odd? is that I just still have no fucking clue what Vriska did to LE with the weapon, or even like, what happened to LE or Vriska. I guess maybe they're both going to die anyway because of alt-Calliope basically ripping apart this entire continuity with the black hole, but I don't know that for sure. And since Act 7 was only the single flash, I don't feel like I have much to even go on in terms of theorizing about it. The credits did like, a liiiittle more in that department I guess?? (btw those were adorable and I loved them a lot) But even then it feels like even THOSE are opening new questions as much as answering old ones. Is Vriska who Terezi is looking for? Otherwise why is Terezi the one venturing out there? Can they just come and go as they please despite the black hole? There are so many things that are completely unanswered.

I guess my main point is that the ending just felt really abrupt, cutting off a lot of plotlines that I thought were actually gonna go somewhere, and inconclusive. And maybe it's meant to be. In fact I'm almost certain it's meant to be. But the problem lies in that it does not feel inconclusive in a "up to your interpretation" way, but more in a "literally not concluded" way. Like it wasn't actually finished telling its story. I'll put it this way: the ending feels like a big awesome season finale, but not a series finale. And I know that the post-canon sequel content exists, but it seems like the fans and those works themselves distance themselves so much from the original comic that it makes it seem like that feeling wasn't the intention, so it's just really strange.

So much for not having any more negative things to say lol. Sorry. But all in all I do still largely enjoy what I got from this ending, I just hate that it feels like it was cut short or something.

Let's balance all that out by talking about some cool shit!!! I'm just gonna spitball some of my favorite things about this comic, whether in this reading section or just overall:

The art is so good!! All of Act 6 Act 6, especially the last several updates, is so immaculately rendered. I can see why this basically became *the* Homestuck style moving forward, because it's just so pleasing to look at and captures the characters in a great way. Speaking outside of specifically this section and more generally, I adore how loose Homestuck is with its art. Hussie seemed to just pick and choose whatever style would properly represent the events at hand, and it ends up being so awesome in a way that's unbound by things like staying on-model or being consistent because it's just pure expression. Plus, the constant guest art is fuckin amazing, not only because most of it is genuinely incredible in its own right, but also because Homestuck is such a wildly community-driven experience that it only feels natural to let other talented artists make their own mark on the story. It started early on and continued being a thing all the way until the end and I love love love that.

The metatextual elements of this story are so fascinating to me. Unfortunately this is one of those things I thought was gonna be expanded on a bit more by the end, but what's there is still great. I like that it goes so far beyond "fourth wall" jokes and nods to the audience. The way the characters directly interact with the narrator, the story structure, and even the website itself, is so much more interesting. Beyond being simply fun, it manages to raise so many interesting questions about the very art of fiction. What authorship means, the responsibilities of it, the follies of poor authorship, the interaction between an audience and fictional characters, the way character voice can be used to convey tone, all this and so many more things are tackled as actual in-universe concepts that can be materially tinkered with to varying results. I could genuinely write other entire posts about the way this story discusses a lot of meta concepts.

The way this comic uses its medium to its advantage is unparalleled. I just always appreciate when a story is so thoroughly connected to its medium that it would become something else if adapted, and this is certainly one of those stories. The way that the style of narrative prompt itself can convey something about what you're reading, the banners and menus being shifted, changed, obscured, and otherwise altered to add an entire new element to the experience of reading the story, the colors of the website, the way characters and items aren't necessarily bound to the frame of the panel, the way the very act of clicking on a link to go to the next page is made to be a central part of the experience, ALL OF IT... I can't call it anything other than masterful. (Ok I'm sorry to throw yet another complaint in here but I was fully expected A6A6A6 to continue this trend and basically be a huge amalgam of all these website-bending tricks we'd come to know so I was a liiiiittle disappointed when it was just a youtube video).

The character writing, often times, is phenomenal. Even from the beginning, the way character voice was so strong was impressive and fun, but as I got later into Act 6, and especially A6A6, some of the long-running character traits, flaws, and storylines finally came to a cathartic close in mostly really great ways. Some obvious highlights: Dave, in too many ways to count tbh, whether it's him grappling with destiny/heroism/things of that nature, realizing he's not straight, coming to terms with his bro's treatment of him, reconnecting to his authentic interests, so many things about Dave are so insanely amazingly done. Of course Dirk is an interesting character as well, with many questions brought up concerning mortality, control, self-loathing, and other pretty heavy stuff. Hooray for alt-Vriska getting some justice lmao. Her and alt-Terezi finally finding peace in themselves and comfort in each other in the afterlife is like almost too beautiful to not make me wanna cry. Again, like with the meta stuff, I could write entire posts about various characters and the awesome ways they're written, but I'll leave it here for now.

I think... maybe that's all I have for now. Maybe. I have a multitude of thoughts, big and small, and there was absolutely 0 chance I was gonna fit them all in here or even remember all of them. But there you have it.

Hey would you look at that. Homestuck's good!

Not perfect, as I feel I've made perfectly obvious. But good. Full of passion. Full of care. An exceptional work of art and a unique phenomenon that will likely never be replicated. I'm so, so happy to have finally experienced it. So that's me signing off on my very last liveblog post for the original comic... Damn. Thanks to the people who've been so interested in seeing me take this journey and those of you who have contributed to the discussion, it definitely made it more special for me and I appreciate it.

Thanks For Playing <3

.........

For those of you wondering, no, this liveblog as a whole isn't necessarily over. I know the post-canon content (still don't understand why it's even called that) is contentious for many, and I feel like I've seen opinions ranging from people saying it's some of the best stuff released for Homestuck, all the way to saying it literally ruined the whole thing for them because of how bad it is. So clearly, this is some controversial shit I'm about to get into. But yes, I am indeed, getting into it. I'm going to keep this liveblog going, and at the very least, I'm going to get through the Epilogues, and what is currently released of Beyond Canon. If I really find it as atrocious as some people seem to, I guess no promises that I will continue reading and posting about it after that. But I gotta know. I need to see for myself and come to my own conclusions. And I'm taking you all with me.

Cyv Reads The Homestuck Epilogues coming to a theatre near you some time soon.

[eggsnatcheskneecaps]

I don't know if I can word this properly but cursing in my first language takes more effort and thinking process than it does in English. In my first language the curses usually have more syllables and they take more to articulate. Also they just feel more vulgar, whereas English mostly has 1 or 2 syllables and they are just kinda. Easier to say. Fuck slips out of me with the same ease 'oops' does

Saying fuck when I drop my food on the ground is just a 'oopsie daises my bad' saying 'băga-mi-aș' is me discovering I still have fucks left to give. Saying 'băga-mi-aș pula' is me discovering there is still a deep well of rage hidden inside of me😔

[ziskandra]

5, 7, 19, and 23 for the soft asks <3

5. Who do you feel most you around?

My fiance, for sure! I think what sets him apart from other people I've dated is that since the very beginning, I have always felt completely comfortable in his company? I've never felt like I had to put on a performance around him the way I have so many other people, and he's always been SO encouraging of my hopes and dreams. Obviously we're both humans and so have the occasional conflict, but I've also never had someone put so much genuine effort into wanting to resolve said conflict, together, to the best of our abilities? So, yeah, he just makes me feel like completely seen! Sometimes I come across relationship advice that's like, 'love shouldn't be hard!, or on the other end of the spectrum, 'don't believe the lies, love is Hard Work™', and I feel like over the years, I've come to learn that love can sometimes be work, but it shouldn't always be hard, you know? I think for me personally, the 'love is hard work' mindset caused me to stay with my ex for FAR longer than I should've, because when I reflect on the early years of both relationships, it's so obvious in hindsight how incompatible I was with my ex. Anyway, rambling! I love my partner very much and will just gush about him when prompted, oops 🥺 17. Fairy lights or LED lights? I have a strong aversion to dimly lit areas. I'm quite hyposensitive in general and anything other than a well-illuminated space makes it more difficult to function. It's okay if the activity involves mostly staring at the light source (e.g., going to the cinema), or moving around a lot (like going to a nightclub), but generally in situations where I have control over the lighting I'm going to want even overhead lighting. That being said, I prefer LED lights to fairy lights because I personally have no use case for the former oops.

19. Most important thing in your life?

My brain just made static noises upon reading this question, and the only answer I can quite articulate is like.... to live it? I just want to enjoy the journey and bring more overall joy to the world than misery. I still have so many things I want to experience, so many thoughts and ideas to explore, and so many important relationships to develop it feels near impossible to pick just one. 23. Favourite piece of clothing? A purple jumper with a geometric pattern :3c Here's a a pic of me wearing it! [soft get to know me asks]

[crazed-reviews]

Review: Miraculous "Bunnyx" Fashion doll from Playmates Toys

So, I finally bought myself a Bunnyx doll! You may recall back in March I made a post about my sister's Bunnyx doll, who is from the initial U.S. release. I thought she was really cute, but she had an issue with her neck (which I somehow forgot to mention in that post) which nearly all dolls from that initial wave had, that I hoped would be fixed with later waves. 

And then I proceeded to forget about her for eight months until I saw she was on sale, oops. I purchased her for $11 USD on Amazon, but she retails for $16.99.

Here she is in her box, which is the new design with a rainbow across the front and information about the character on the back. The information is somewhat correct, except it says "Transformation phase" instead of "Transformation Phrase" (this typo was fixed for the upcoming Cosmobug doll's box, and I assume it'll be fixed on the others at a later point) and that she learns she'll get a Miraculous after being akumatized. She doesn't actually learn about it until the season 3 episode "Timetagger".

I noticed that at the bottom of her box, there was a sticker with a QR code. I scanned it with my phone camera, (Okay… I scanned it with Google Lens. My phone isn't fancy enough to scan QR codes) and it took me to the movie page of the Miraculous Ladybug website, with a teaser for the movie. Not really a trailer, but still neat.

Here's the link, if you're interested:

https://miraculousladybug.com/en/movie

Here she is right out of the box. She comes with her headband and her kwami, Fluff. Like Vesperia, she also comes with a catalogue, advertising the rest of the Miraculous toy line from Playmates Toys. 

As a quick note, she was packaged slightly differently from my sister's Bunnyx. Unlike my sister's Bunnyx, the plastic shell she was attached to didn't go up to her head, and so she didn't have a plastic tab punctured through her head! This was a pleasant surprise, as I strongly dislike those tabs in the heads.

Here's Bunnyx's full outfit. She, like all the other heroes, has a one piece suit with separate shoes. Her suit is blue and white with black trim, and at her neck, a white… pom-pom? I'm not sure what it is, to be honest. It reminds me of both a rabbit's tail, and Cat Noir's bell. I do wish her suit covered her ankles, but I like the overall look. She wears white boots. Without the headband and neck-tail, I'm not sure if I'd get "rabbit" from it. 

Her hands are bare, but for some reason it never bothered me as much as the ankles showing.

Unfortunately, she does not have her Miraculous, a pocket watch, or her weapon, an umbrella. I suppose I could suspend disbelief and pretend her pocketwatch is in her… well, pocket, like in the show, but I don't understand why she doesn't have her weapon. If size was an issue, they could've done it like Draculaura's parasol, from Mattel's Monster High line. Her parasol was molded in a closed position.

Due to the gel in her hair, I can barely get the headband on her, and even when I do, it doesn't sit completely down on her head.

She has 15 points of articulation, with movement at her:

Neck

Shoulders

Double-jointed elbows

Wrists (which only swivel)

Hips

Double-jointed knees

Her joints are pretty tight, and she doesn't have the neck issue that the initial U.S. wave had, where the peg is stiff and angled sideways to where the head is half off the neck and can only move sideways.

Here's a closeup of Bunnyx's face. I really like it!

Bunnyx has blue eyes, pink lips, and a blue, white, and black mask. I do think her eyes should have a reflective dot in them, but I've gotten used to the look.

My particular doll unfortunately has a paint defect on the bottom left (our right) of her mask, where the black outline is smudged. I haven't decided whether to try and fill it in or leave it alone yet.

She has short red hair with loose curls gelled into a solid piece. It is completely rock solid. I kid you not. I thought my sister's Bunnyx's hair was hard, but this is even harder than hers. She doesn't seem to really have the short side bangs my sister's Bunnyx has. I can't really tell through all the gel, but I'm curious if her bangs were changed to be longer, like the rest of her hair, or if they're just so gelled to the side they appear longer.

Here's her headband off of her head. It's mostly white, but the insides of the ears are blue. It looks nice when I can get it on her head! It has four prongs, which I assume is to help keep it in place, but I feel like it makes it harder to get on. It's pretty simple, but pulls her outfit together. 

And here's her kwami, Fluff. I think she looks… interesting. She is mostly white, with blue eyes, and the insides of her ears are also blue. She has two long whiskers on her face, but they're so thick they look like a mustache. I would've preferred her umbrella over Fluff.

Overall, I really like Bunnyx! I'd give her a B+. I wish she came with her Miraculous and umbrella, even if it had to be molded closed, and Fluff looks strange. The paint defect on my doll is what kept her from being an A-. If minor paint issues don't bother you, or you can purchase one in-store, I would definitely recommend her.

[thebiggestmenace]

hurray!

we only got half way through this the first time, so we're officially on the new stuff!!

Cas isn't truly dead, right? he comes back at some point

Jack is so goofy

is Chuck the one to bring them back? and does he even bring them all back? cause I don't think Crowley comes back :(

wait, they burn Cas' body??

Asmodeus??

Jack's copying Dean 🤭

Sam is so good with him :(

gonna say it now, Dean is being an ass

are they just gonna kill everyone the boys know?

wait, is this the Empty?

hi, Sam, I love you

there's things in the Empty????

Cas!!!! you're back!!

Billie's not actually dead?? she's Death now?

the fact that Dean's all happy go lucky now that Cas is back?? 🏳️‍🌈

"he's an angry sleeper. like a bear."

Kevin!!

is Rowena still alive??

of course Ketch is back smdh

and Asmodeus has Cas now

Kaia is so pretty

Dean, threatening her is not gonna go well

oh, no, they're in the Twilight world

not Kaia :(((

omg it's that one guy from tlou

THEY DIDNT KILL ROWENA!!! HI ROWENA <3333333

oh, and she's all powerful? 😏

HI DANNEEL YOU ARE SO PRETTY

GABRIEL??? oh, what have they done to you?

is this even the right spell? *

* yeah, I did not think so

ep15 is so fun

the immediate "what" after Daphne said Dean had the ghost by his thigh? I know what you are

and Sam's been taken again

yk I think the only thing Ketch has going for him is that he's the one that freed Gabriel

and of course they're separating again smdh this never ends well

CHARLIE??!!

Sam, don't be mean to him :(

please tell me Sam isn't the one to kill Rowena.

NAOMI???

how do they fix the angel problem?

Gabe is so flirting with Sam oml

WE GOT TO SEE JACKS WINGS????? AND HE WAS PROTECTING MARY??? oh, he is so fucking cool

"and if we die, we'll do that together, too." AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS????

and they're all back now? **

** nope, it's a weird ass dream

why does this have the vibes of the walking dead?

I'M SORRY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED

oops thought this was e22

is that our Cas or their Cas? oh, it's theirs

Gabriel, no

wait, I remember the big group at the bunker??? but like nothing else?

somebody give Jack a hug

wait, yeah, how does everybody get back??

Dean deserved that day at the beach with Sam and Cas.

how the hell are they already back??

is Jack gonna kill him?

what the fuck, how is that even allowed

don't you do it, Dean

just use it on Lucifer?

Jack, no

oh, they're fighting in the air now 🤭

please tell me this is the last of Lucifer

oh he looks so dapper now

what a season, holy shit. I have so many thoughts, but I can't articulate any of them. I have fears for the next season cause how exactly are you gonna get Michael out of Dean? we don't have Crowley anymore, so what's the other option? and what about Jack? is he gonna be okay without some grace? is it gonna regenerate like it does for the other angels, or is it a fixed supply? I also fear a lot of people will be dying for ✨️plot✨️ reasons. needless to say, this season was a time and I fear the last 2 (????????) aren't gonna be any better

s1, s2, s3, s4, s5, s6, s7, s8, s9, s10, s11, s12, s13, s14, s15