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asking and receiving (bonus below readmore)
[ID: A black and white, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood. In the first panel is a close up of Wolfwood's mouth as he says, "Vash". Accompanying it is a close up shot of Vash's eye, widen and cheeks flushed. Wolfwood presses a knee against the open space between Vash's legs and says, "Tell me everything you want from me." Wolfwood's face is equally as flushed. He continues to say, "I'll give it to you. Everything." As he talks, a wide shot shows the both of them in white space. Vash is sitting, leaning a little back with both hands pressed against the surface he's sitting on. Wolfwood is in his white dress shirt, stripped of the blazer. He's still leaning in with one knee in between Vash's spread legs, his right hand touching Vash's lips and his left hand behind his back.
The shot closes in on Vash's mouth and Wolfwood's hand against it, pressing down on the lower lip as he says, "You have to ask though. Go on." His hand moves down to Vash's chin, gently holding it. With a shy and uncertain expression, Vash hesitantly asks, "Um... K... Kiss... Please?" Wolfwood, without wasting a second, leans in and kisses him and indulges by pressing deeper, eliciting a small noise of surprise from Vash.
Wolfwood moves away from Vash first and with a smile, asks, "What else?" Vash tugs on Wolfwood's left sleeve, wordlessly budging Wolfwood to give him his hand that was still behind his back. In the next panel, Vash utters, "Hold me..?" He's holding Wolfwood's left hand with his own while his right hand is reaching for his waist. Wolfwood complies, moving his left hand to Vash's shoulder and his right hand continues to touch Vash's cheek. Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
More comfortable now, Vash leans in to kiss Wolfwood. Wolfwood catches him immediately, pressing his thumb against Vash's lips to stop him before demanding, "Hey. Ask." Vash looks back in surprise and Wolfwood meets his eye with a quiet, insistent look. They're quiet for a moment before Vash leans in again and curtly requests, "Kiss. Me." Wolfwood says "Good", smiling as he lifts his hand away, and meets Vash's lips. In the next shot, Wolfwood had adjusted his position, sitting on Vash's thigh. The hand that was once on Vash's cheek has moved its way to Vash's nape, pushing away the collar of his jacket with his pinky. His other hand continues to grip on Vash's shoulder. Still kissing, Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
In the next shot, Vash is starting to turn, moving Wolfwood with him. Vash asks, "Let me on top of you?" Wolfwood says, "Mhm" before asking again, "What else?" The next panel shows a close look of Vash's face. He's looking down, flushed and shy just as he had been at the beginning, but now, more decisive. Vash asks, "Wolfwood... Let me have you..?" A panel of Wolfwood taking Vash's hand into his, pulling it towards his chest. The next panel shows Wolfwood lying down where Vash had laid him. Vash's hand is on Wolfwood's chest, covering the cross of his rosary while Wolfwood's hand lingers against his, loosely pressing Vash's hand in place. He looks up at Vash with a shy smile of his own, flushed cheeks. He says, "All yours."
A panel shows a close up of Vash's tender gaze before he leans down to be closer to Wolfwood. The final shot is a front view of their positions, Vash's face turned away from the viewer; Vash is leaning over Wolfwood who's lying down with his right leg draped over Vash's legs. Wolfwood's left hand holds onto Vash's left arm. With finality, Vash says, "...Mine." End ID]
[ID: A follow up bonus comic in a looser, sketchier style. They're laying comfortably in bed when Vash asks, "What was that earlier?" referecing to the start of the previous comic. Wolfwood glances away and says, "To get you used to it. Asking. And getting what you ask for. Since you're alwasy hesitant about it." Vash's eyes widen, tight lipped. Wolfwood continues, "Knowing you, it'll be a tough habit to break..." When he says this, Vash can't help but laugh, unable to deny it. Wolfwood slowly brings a hand to Vash's cheek and continues to say, "So I'll keep trying -- whatever ways I can... to get it through your thick skull." Vash takes Wolfwood's hand with his, kissing the the palm gently. Wolfwood's eyes soften and holding onto Vash's cheek, he leans in to try for a kiss. Vash says, "Hey..." before stopping Wolfwood's lips with the back of his hand, a smug look on his face, "Ask." Wolfwood's embarrassed and with little irritation, asks, "Really?" Vash smiles, saying, "You're in need of practice too." They pause for a moment, Wolfwood looking contemplatively, before he's leaning in again, asking, "May I please kiss you?" Vash looks him in the eyes and says, "Yes." The comic ends with a "chu", indicating an off-panel kiss. End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#it took me so long to post this even after getting clarification about the maturity warning and stuff#bc i am so shy about it. SDGMKDSGMKSD I LIKE THIS COMIC BUT IM ALSO SO LIKE... AUGHHHH....#when i posted this on twitter though it was like... a few days after ep 11? ive always had the thought circling about vash deserving of#asking for things... and getting what he wants bc he never gets both. doesn't get the opportunity to ask and hardly does he get what he want#maybe the results can go in his favor but at some point along the way he'll still lose something bc nothing can ever go perfectly for him...#and he's usually the one begging and pleading with people to not. do something. it's not even asking at that point it's just straight up#please believe me. please trust me. please don't shoot that person. please don't kill anyone. please don't do it.#and wolfwood.... it was not always this lovey dovey ok. he wouldv noticed this habit miles away and they got into a fight about it the first#time they talked about it bc wolfwood is being hypocritical too. as he always is!!!! but i think as they get more intimate#wolfwood finds ways to make vash understand. smth smth insatiable want and love and desire for wolfwood that makes it much easier to ask.#wolfwood can also just be so compliant. sometimes. which is also an issue in of itself that id love to explore at some point#but he also just enjoys giving into vash fully and completely.#bc he loves him a lot. but anyway#i hope the id is comprehendible.... please lmk if there's something wrong with how im doing it asfdgkdsmgs#ruporas art
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i'm so extremely irrationally annoyed by people not knowing what various terms mean and using them incorrectly like i feel like that's such an asshole thing to care about but oh my god stop
#the saddest part is this post was inspired by the term hard launch. again#many other things also though it's not just that#and yes i knowwwww the hard launch debate is tired#and it's not even an important term it's a fucking meme#well it is a term but yknow. it's hardly academic#but i just saw someone say that if you just know how to infer things you'll understand dnp have already hard launched#girl 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#world's most unserious and unimportant topic I'm Aware#i don't even mean it in a way of like 'they haven't hard launched yet i hope they do soon' like what the fuck ever#but oh my god why do you think the term soft launch exists.#why would you have two terms if they're the same am i losing my mind here#does no one have the ability to think at all#oh my god???????#this is so stupid 😭😭😭 i need to worry about real issues i know i know im aware#but can everyone stop being DUMB#fucks sake#sorry.
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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"Among their complaints [in 1460, the Yorkists] specifically blamed the earls of Wiltshire and Shrewsbury and Viscount Beaumont for ‘stirring’ the king [Henry VI] to hold a parliament at Coventry that would attaint them and for keeping them from the king’s presence and likely mercy, asserting that this was done against [the king's] will. To this they added the charge that these evil counselors were also tyrannizing other true men* without the king’s knowledge. Such claims of malfeasance obliquely raised the question of Henry’s fitness as a king, for how could he be deemed competent if such things happened without his knowledge and against his wishes? They also tied in rumors circulating somewhat earlier in the southern counties and likely to have originated in Calais that Henry was really ‘good and gracious Lord to the [Yorkists] since, it was alleged, he had not known of or assented to their attainders. On 11 June the king was compelled to issue a proclamation stating that they were indeed traitors and that assertions to the contrary were to be ignored." - Helen Maurer, "Margaret of Anjou: "Queenship and Power in Late Medieval England"
Three things that we can surmise from this:
We know where the "Henry was an innocent helpless king being controlled and manipulated by his Evil™ advisors" rhetoric came from**.
The Yorkists were deliberately trying to downplay Henry VI's actual role and involvement in politics and the Wars of the Roses. They cast him as a "statue of a king", blamed all royal policies and decisions on others*** (claiming that Henry wasn't even aware of them), and framed themselves as righteous and misunderstood counselors who remained loyal to the crown. We should keep this in mind when we look at chronicles' comments of Henry's alleged passivity and the so-called "role reversal" between him and Queen Margaret.
Henry VI's actual agency and involvement is nevertheless proven by his own actions. We know what he thought of the Yorkists, and we know he took the effort to publicly counter their claims through a proclamation of his own. That speaks louder than the politically motivated narrative of his enemies, don't you think?
*There was some truth to these criticisms. For example, Wiltshire (ie: one of the men named in the pamphlet) was reportedly involved in a horrible situation in June which included hangings and imprisonments for tax resistance in Newbury. The best propagandists always contain a degree of truth, etc. **I've seen some theories on why Margaret of Anjou wasn't mentioned in these pamphlets alongside the others even though she was clearly being vilified during that time as well, and honestly, I think those speculations are mostly unnecessary. Margaret was absent because it was regarded as very unseemly to target queens in such an officially public manner. We see a similar situation a decade later: Elizabeth Woodville was vilified and her whole family - popularly and administratively known as "the queen's kin" - was disparaged in Warwick and Clarence's pamphlets. This would have inevitably associated her with their official complaints far more than Margaret had been, but she was also not directly mentioned. It was simply not considered appropriate. ***This narrative was begun by the Duke of York & Warwick and was - demonstrably - already widespread by the end of 1460. When Edward IV came to power, there seems to have been a slight shift in how he spoke of Henry (he referred to Henry as their "great enemy and adversary"; his envoys were clearly willing to acknowledge Henry's role in Lancastrian resistance to Yorkist rule; etc), but he nevertheless continued the former narrative for the most part. I think this was because 1) it was already well-established and widespread by his father, and 2) downplaying Henry's authority would have served to emphasize Edward's own kingship, which was probably advantageous for a usurper whose deposed rival was still alive and out of reach. In some sense, the Lancastrians did the same thing with their own propaganda across the 1460s, which was clearly not as effective in terms of garnering support and is too long to get into right now, but was still very relevant when it came to emphasizing their own right to the throne while disparaging the Yorkists' claim.
#henry vi#my post#wars of the roses#margaret of anjou#Look I’m not trying to argue that Henry VI was secretly some kind of Perfect King™ whose only misfortune was to be targeted by the Yorkists#That is...obviously pushing it and obviously not true#Henry was very imperfect; he did make lots of errors and haphazard/unpopular decisions; and he did ultimately lose/concede defeat#in both the Hundred Years War and the subsequent Wars of the Roses.#He was also clearly less effective than his predecessor and successor (who unfortunately happened to be his father and usurper respectively#and that comparison will always affect our view of his kingship. It's inevitable and in some sense understandable.#But it's hardly fair to simply accept and parrot the Yorkist narrative of him being a “puppet of a king”.#Henry *did* have agency and he was demonstrably involved in the events around him#From sponsoring alchemists to issuing proclamations to participating in trials against the Yorkists (described in the 1459 attainder)#We also know that he was involved in administration though it seems as though he was being heavily advised/handheld by his councilors#That may be the grain of truth which the Yorkists' image of him was based on.#But regardless of Henry's aptitude he was clearly *involved* in ruling#Just like he was involved in plots against Yorkist rule in the early 1460s before he was captured.#And he did have some successes! For example in 1456 he travelled to Chester and seems to have been responsible#for reconciling Nicholas ap Gruffyd & his sons to the crown and granting them a general pardon.#Bizarrely Ralph Griffiths has credited Margaret for this even though there is literally no evidence that she was involved.#We don't even know if she travelled with Henry and the patent rolls offering the pardon never mention her.#Griffiths seems to have simply assumed that it was Margaret's doing because of 1) his own assumption that she was entirely in control#while Henry was entirely passive and 2) because it (temporarily) worked against Yorkist interests.#It's quite frustrating because this one of the most probable examples we have of Henry's own participation in ruling in the late 1450s#But as usual his involvement is ignored :/#Also all things considered:#The verdict on Henry's kingship may not have been so damning if his rule hadn't been opposed or if the Lancastrians had won the war?#Imo it's doubtful he would be remembered very well (his policies re the HYW and the economic problems of that time were hardly ideal)#but I think it's unlikely that he would have been remembered as a 'failed king' / antithesis of ideal kingship either#Does this make sense? (Henry VI experts please chime in because I am decidedly not one lol)
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Posting this by itself because :) I just feel like he should have gotten to wear the mech pilot suit at least once..
(my AU black version and the og green)
#Legend of Korra#Baatar Jr.#LoK#WIP#[ since this is from something silly I wanted to post this bit because he is serving very cunty#even if you know he's talking about accidentally ingesting caustic chemicals lol#this was def self indulgent but also why couldn't he have worn the suit at least once sobs#we had one chance#I don't actually think he uses the mech suit hardly ever even though he has his own personal one#but on rare occasions he does and gets in this outfit and Kuvira are you okay? Are you good? Has anyone checked on her?#I feel like this outfit is what causes her to take a serious sanity hit LOL#she just drags him away by the hood and no one sees them again for like 4 hours#or she's just like “You know what I think he could use my help :)” and proceeds to be everything but helpful#idk how anything in this regime gets done I swear#the most Baatar ever used the mech suits was when they were first being built#idk dude I love a man in a working uniform sobs#I knew someone would recognize the mech pilot suit hehe that made me smile because yeah :)))#it felt good to draw Baatar again sobs I love him so much I've missed him#I do kinda wish this sketch was cleaner but I wanted to at least post it now in case I never did lol#I should to a proper illust of him in the pilot suit one day just for the pure self indulgence of it all#give myself a lill treat you know? ]#Neon Ocean Art
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some people be saying the most batshit insane shit abt travis mcelroy
#dude. just saw 'it's so obvious the other 2 are annoyed and frustrated with him'#like. no? it's not? i dunno what kind of projecting you're doing but i can promise you that griffin and justin don't like#secretly hate their brother and are begging for release.#you can hate travis as much as you want (even though i disagree with that sentiment) i can understand being annoyed by his style or whatever#but i see it all the time of people saying that the other two should just do the show without him etc etc. and look.#maybe u haven't listened to so#the same episodes of mbmbam that i have. but i can hardly think of a single top moment that would be the same without all 3#if u want to see smth with just the other two just watch monster factory. don't make reddit posts about how it's 'so obvious' that#these people you DON'T KNOW. hate their brother. because they don't. sorry#siblings annoy eachother all the time. it's not an irredeemable crime. just listen to something else.#dunno if this is an unpopular opinion or what but i was a mcelroy fan back when taz was releasing and i just caught up to v dracula recently#and trying to look up discussion on the new season led me to a horrible vitriolic cesspit mostly directed at travis. which#(a simple miscommunication btwn travis and griffin that is quickly resolved in-canon without argument)#people: wow can't believe Travis would try and RUIN the game like that griffin clearly wanted to disown him immediately#like#there has to be some misconstruing lense they gotta be looking through. anyway. wtf
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i want to bark at these women (awooga)
#isanami#erga kenesis di raskreia#aida riko#teuta bridges#momoi satsuki#kagari erika (oc)#this started off me just wanting to draw isanami and raskreia but then i was like hey might as well add more#this is the only time i will color semi seriously#I'M MANIFESTING BUSTAFELLOWS SEASON 2 LOCALIZATION SOBS#salmon arts#brave10#brave 10#knb#kuroko no basket#noblesse#bustafellows#really screwed myself over not sticking to one tag per fandom#god my art style really does change every time though#riko momoi and erika don't look the same as my other pu$$y facing the world art post#consistency? i hardly even know her
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There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again
#.txt#at least i had a blast in my sci-fi class this semester#i don't talk about sf on this blog because that's what my secret main is for but guys i LOVE sf you should read more sf#i'm currently sitting at an a+ in that class and my professor has been giving me SUCH good feedback on all my assignments#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)#and also asked if he could use my creative writing midterm project as an example for future classes#and on the last day of class he quickly went through some powerpoint slides recapping the class#and on one of them he had a drawing i submitted as part of a different creative assignment :)#also we read a book from one of my all-time favorite authors in that class AND he visited our class too which was absolutely insane#won't mention the author's name because his books comprise like half the posts on my main. i'm insaaaaane i'm craaaazyyy#currently trying to figure out which topic to write my final paper on but i will definitely be writing about that book#english classes are actually such a morale boost#the only reason i'm not an english major is because that would actually for real kill me#i'm good at writing essays but the process is actually agonizing and i'm a ridiculous perfectionist when it comes to writing#so combining that with poorly medicated adhd means that i almost never turn essays in on time#and spend way too long suffering over each one to make sure they're as perfect as i can get them to be (unattainable standard)#and then they also always end up going way over the word count#for my crime fiction class in the spring i wrote a 19-page final paper about decagon house when i only needed a minimum of 8#and i honestly could have written even more but i had to stop myself because the paper was already like 2 or 3 days late#and i had been staying up until dawn every night trying to finish it#so basically i can hardly handle having ONE english class#having to take multiple and turn in so many essays on a regular basis is a literal death sentence#i'm taking 2 upper level classes for my other major (haven't declared it yet though) this semester#and i have to write final papers for both of them :') and the instructions are super vague and they're due in a WEEK#one of them is SLIGHTLY more clear because i just need to write about the results of my research project#however. i was unfortunately only given 3 weeks (one of which was thanksgiving so basically i was only given 2)#to design and execute this whole project#and i got a little too ambitious (as i tend to do) and even though i ended up cutting out a lot of the stuff i wanted to do from the projec#it'll still definitely take ages to finish (conducted my experiments yesterday and spent 11 hours in that building. hell on earth)#and that's on top of needing to study for and take 3 final exams...
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My favorite part of being alive is that I've never felt welcome in any space except for that one year when I thought I was a non-binary bisexual asexual girl when I was 13 :)
#Before that I was a weird kid whose only source for human communication instructions was the shows on CN Nickelodeon and Disney XD/Channel#And even though I had friends I never felt loved enough#And AFTER that I realized I was more of a trans guy and that I don't trust women enough to know if I could be in love with one but that#maybe I like men but I can't know for sure because I have the bad habit of falling for any guy who pays attention to me for long enough#And I haven't felt included in queer spaces ever since I realized I wasn't any sort of girl because people in here seem to hate men a little#too much for me to feel safe being anything but a gnc emo girl#And not even getting started on being gay cause people on online spaces that I'm around often act like “girls and the gays!!” as if I'm#effeminate and flamboyant just for my sexuality when truly I'm heavily uncomfortable doing anything deemed as girly#vent post#And even the thought that I MIGHT be a straight trans guy makes me feel horrible cause so many queer people seem to hate straight people#Like hi did you forget that this place is supposed to make people feel safe and respected and proud of being themselves#Oooh and don't forget the autism! Cause I get why people complain about the diagnosis being only for cis white boys but like#I've literally never seen that. Ever. I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying that it's much harder for me to find any sort of#online diagnosis tool for someone who's not an adult or a parent or a cis woman than it is for me to find any for a girl#Like seriously man#And how I feel like I'm a horrible person for not having g empathy. DUDE I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO KNOW ABOUT#like chill I'm not automatically a murderer and rapist and toxic and manipulative just cause I can't put myself in someone else's shoes#I'm just a guy who hardly feels alive or human. Of course I'm not going to reel very much about a stranger when i feel like I'm not supposed#to be this person in this place in this body in this mind. I don't feel like I'm here I don't feel like this is me and I don't feel like I#can care about other people and I don't know why but I'd really appreciate it if I could get yk some support instead of feeling like I#deserve death#anyway i'm normal
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hm hm hm !!
#just me hi#it's always the little things ghfhshvh#i wanna a thing and#/hang on lemme put on some tunes lol#thank goodness for osts.. anyway hfhs#//there is consistently some tiny thing that i get caught up in that makes stops me from doing something altogether#like for example when i want to work on one of my main projects i'll get pretty well into it and then suddenly drop it like it's on fire#halfway through gfsvh#because i couldn't get the line right or i forgot which font i used or the characters positions just bother me but i'm 8 panels into this#scene dang it ! !#or i get a fresher idea for the whole thing and don't get around to it for months because i need to recharge after u-turn like that. can yo#tell i'm going in circles hfhshv#i really do have around 15-20+ versions of the first chapter of pi.e.. it may almost be described as 'not a good thing' hghhfhsvh#Is it perfectionism? maybeeeeee loll - i've got a vision (and another and another and another) and very short patience#and also my ideas do Not have a good shelf life lmao ; they're like badly sealed pickled fruits <3#that's part of the reason i make stuff so fast tho. because the Ideas Are Running Away From Me ljfvsfhj#i have hardly any stand-alone pieces that are unfinished. but the Moment i tryta work on a longform thing it just does not work..#and i Could try to do everything in very small pieces but when i try to go small on purpose i usually end up doing my usual 7-9 step 1-4#hour process anyway and i not even catch it until it's too late fgshfbvh#yea though. i'm back at it again lmfshv :3👍#this may suck So hard but i'm gonna get it one of these days ! ! roman 3 roman 3#so let me try to stay on track again lol :> i will maybe return.. mayhaps hfhsv#//i've still got some stuff from during and before artfight (unrelated to it) that i still wanna post so maybe i'll do that later too lol :#toooooodles ~+~!~+~
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I'm not much of an angry rant kind of guy most of the time. But god it's so fucked up to be trapped in a body where I can't move around too much or I won't be able to to move around much at all for the next several weeks and the general culture is just obsessed with whether or not I'm excercising enough. I have to prevent myself from moving. I want to move around and have to stop myself. I have to carefully ration every movement my body makes. I have to decide regularly whether or not bending down to pick something up is worth the cost of present and future pain and lack of energy.
It's also weird because so much of my life is defined by hunger. I have to actively try to ignore it because most of my day is thinking about how hungry I am, how I'm going to get food, am I going to have enough energy to make food, or even eat it, what can I do to temporarily stop being hungry, and dreading how much pain I'm going to be in when I eat. And I'm not really food insecure in the same way I was even a month or two ago. I spent a good chunk of time actively starving.
I do fucking yoga. I try to go outside and stare at birds for a while instead of being on my phone. I have to walk pretty much everywhere I go. Almost all of my meals are home cooked and with the best ingredients available to me. But the message is constant that it's not my circumstances, I just don't try hard enough. So I fucking sympathize with people who are constantly told the same, not by one person, but kind of by everyone, when that makes no fucking sense. Excercising is good, eating nutritious foods is good, but there are circumstances outside of your control.
Letting go of control was hard enough for me, being told I dont take enough control of my life and that's why it fucked me is really fucking exhausting.
#I'm not even mad at the person who made that post.#A lot of people don't know much about type 2 diabetes. I'm hardly an expert myself.#I'm not really mad at any one person about any of this there's just something gutting about trying to summon some sources#and seeing the words 'food insecurity doubles your chances of getting type 2 diabetes'#alongside 'maybe nonwhite kids just don't exercise enough because of the racism. because we're still working the obesity angle.'#Or just. The sea of health articles warning you to lose weight and stop eating foods you like to prevent diabetes even though we know by no#a lot of that is junk science built on top of pseudoscience or the absence of science.#And I think a lot about how many doctors blamed my weight on my own habits when I was literally underweight for my body type#because I was fucking starving.#Because I have a health issue that means I don't absorb half of what I even put into my body.#Or the assumption that because I use a mobility aid I must be lazing on the couch all day#when I had to walk like 10-20 minutes on uneven pavement uphill to even get to the appointment.#fucking exhausting and miserable.#It's impossible to have a normal ass life that way.#☠️
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To be honest I hate how some people don't understand the difference between "curating your experience" and "shunning the nonbeliever". Like, if you block someone over them shipping something that makes you 'uncomfy :c' when this ship is not something illegal, you "shun the nonbeliever" and lose your right to be a spokesperson for how fun and supportive the fandom is and how you respect all headcanons.
Tumblr has a feature to block out specific tags and words, and 99% of the shippers will tag the post. You could have JUST blocked the ship tag to "curate your online experience" and check out everything else this fan posts, but nope. Instead, you decided to cut out the entire fan. You decided to never have a look at their other headcanons and other posts not about that ship, you decided to never give them any support as a fan and preemptively obliterate all chances to know them as a person better all because you could not take the L of them daring to have different taste and perspective on these characters than you do. There was 0 reason to cut off the whole person except for you avoiding the "heretic" over the opinion you think is the only "correct" one. It is personal.
And like, yes, okay, we all have the right to cut off fellow fans for extremely petty reasons. Nobody is perfect. But when after this you have the nerve to transmit how much you love this fandom and how everyone has different interpretations, you are a straight up liar. Full stop.
#fandomry rambles#/vent#obviously it is on behalf of my friend and not me since I hardly ever post about any ship and-#- can't really be acknowledged as shipper of anything#I just hate the hypocrisy so much?#not to mention that the exact same person had a fit when I simply unfollowed them#they assumed the mental health reason when the real reason was losing interest since their content changed#though their assumption makes them even more cruel lmao#so in their eyes someone else can't unfollow for mental health but they can BLOCK for petty reason?#yet again: Logarius behaviour#sure okay block liberally. but again: if you cared about 'different fandom headcanons :3' you would not#it is less shunning the nonbeliever that gets me and more sheer hypocrisy#at least other people who hate this ship (for personal and/or lore inaccurate reasons but ok) have the-#-decency to admit that they have personal bias and don't treat fandom in general with love#they admit they're assholes who only think people that agree with them are worthy fans and it's good!#truth is valid even if it's ugly! wearing a mask sucks though!
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ooooh about to become a sigzai shipper Out Of Spite LMAO
#ISTG I am the monoshipper Ever#once I find a ship I like thats it for those characters but MAN Those s/kk-ers tm are really getting on my-#nerves aaa :') -#saw someone on twt try and say that other d-zai ships diss on s/ kk more than they do on other d-zai ships which???#No Way#S/kkers have EVERYTHING in this fandom - U can't even post other d-zai ships with those silly 'what about ch-ya' or#'aw ch-ya is sad now :(' or 'this is cute but not s/ kk' comments like stfu FKJHFKJHF-#I Have Even gotten Anon hate for some of my knk/dz arts which is INSANE cuz im a Nobody Artist And hardly even post serious knk/dz#I don't even have 100 followers EHRE WHAT-#but yeah#my entire twitter homepage is S/kk shippers bashing on s-gzai ones for bashing on s/kk shippers which????#not saying ship hate is cool but they were complaining cuz people were saying that exact shit about abt it and even editing ch-ya into s-gm#place in the new episode like? maybe it makes sense for them to be complaining about that-#please chill for one second and recognize that even though ur 'one of the good ones' there still an overwhelmingly high and LOUD amount of#s/kk shippers who are so vocal and so rude to any other shipper good heaven DKJHFK#all of this is fairly /lh its just so silly it makes my head hurt#people take shipping way too serious as long as it's hurting anyone let#ppl have fun and be silly :'p
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painted my nails for the first time in a while last night - i'll probably add a second coat tonight - may try and use it as a base for a fancy one that doesn't have a load of pigment on a couple nails just to be, well, fancy lol. don't know if the paint's gonna stick around long after the holidays. i keep forgetting i don't work in food service so i'm allowed to have bracelets and hair ties on my wrists and paint on my nails again, and also i'm not entirely sure whether i even actually like having them be visible lol.
#the post brought to you by#i think it's just that like it's brighter than i normally veer towards and i'm really shy about bright colors on my hands sometimes#book i read in elementary school might be influencing it a little but i'm like#really self conscious about how my hands look? even though like i know pretty much no one is looking at them#well aside from me who has to All The Time#mom and my sister picked on me for the shape of my hands cause it was different from theirs#and my nails don't grow in right because i used to bite my nails real bad#and i still trim them too short but i'm trying not to#i've grown them out only a few times successfully#maybe we do that again i do enjoy having the longer nails from time to time#painting them seems to do the trick and like. no one sees me hardly anyway so what does it matter#if my fingers are a little stumpier looking than normal cause you can see where my nails end?#nail hygiene is a lot of upkeep and i don't remember where i left all my supplies for that... i should get back to Doing My Nails maybe tha#will help actually#already not as upset when i look at my nails now that i have a Plan to Make It Better okay#the color is really great it's a fantastic orange-y brick red (my brain calls it Burnt Sienna but i know that's not quite accurate)#and i think i could do a cute little mushroom cap theme on them if i felt confident in my hands to do lil dots#like it's the perfect 1970s red-orange color#it's just also that my usual nail color choices are ''invisible'' or ''vampire goth''#so this almost feels as shocking as like. fire-engine red or hot pink would#idk. i'm gonna fuss with it maybe later after gift wrapping and cooking is complete so i can be helpful if needed#but yeah. idk#'s weird#not bad just weird
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ohhhh wait i just remembered my older half-sisters are in direct range of hurricane milton what the fuck
#gu6chan's musings#its been years since ive last spoke to them and i've only ever seen them once or twice so they tend not to cross my mind often... but#im honestly worried for them :( i hope they'll be okay but they are in DIRECT fucking line of it and i just found out one is living in her#fucking car with my 8 y/o niece. it sounds so nihilistic but i feel like they arent going to make it and i feel a little sick??? i think???#typically i can handle reports of natural disasters like this but man... milton is gonna be so fucking bad i actually don't think i can#stomach this between what i've already seen in regards to gaza for years and then helene wiping out entire villages two weeks ago#like a small chunk of relatives on my fathers side passed away which SUCKS but i hardly knew them myself#and even if it is similar with my older sisters i still DO remember them from my childhood; you know?#and it's been good to reflect on that sort of privilege i only REALLY can comprehend the depths of that im just now legitimately fearing#for the lives of someone close(ish) to me. but on one hand they're barely part of my life; on the other they've barely been part of my life#i haven't seen my niece since she was a baby man#ehhh... this got unexpectedly emotional and i apologise 😭 long story short i dont know what will happen if i find out something's happened#to them :( r/offmychest??? lmao#i'll see how far I can get with TL before going to bed though; hopefully that will help!! again; apologies for the emotional post if you se#these tags lmao
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!
I cannot find it to tag it. But! I just learned what grebe feet look like from an article about the Bird Photography of the Year awards!
I Immediately recognized it as That Thing I've seen on my dashboard like three times, in a video of a fuzzy baby bird floating on the water-- and then DIVING UNDER. I remember that behavior and body shape so vividly.
But I can't find the post to tag it as a grebe. Dang. I wanted to record how long it took me between Seeing That Thing and Knowing What It Is.
#I think the only place there are grebes around here is right on the shore of The Lake and I'm hardly ever down there.#I've probably seen them in flight but I've never seen one swimming/DIVING. 8O#rhs personal posts#Now I just have to figure out what the tiny little olive and yellow birds I see every winter are....#(They look like Wilson's Warbler but I've never seen one with the black cap and the ones I do see don't seem to even have shading.)#I *did* learn to identify the little black-gray-and-white guys I see every winter as dark-eyed juncos last year though! c:#birds
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