#i don't know. its almost kind of haunting the way he puts it. i think abt this quote a lot

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

i feel like we don't talk abt any of the tooltip quotes very often but out of all of one this one makes me particularly curious because it implies at least an assumption that some form of 'perma-death' is potentially possible within the constant. or maybe even that something might happen to ghosts who stay ghosts for too long? whatever 'lost' is meant to imply, it can't be talking about turning into a ghost, or they wouldn't be using the word 'nearly', since you can only use telltales as a ghost.

i mean, not like wilson has ever been known for knowing much about what hes talking about. especially when it doesn't pertain to science. but its less about what actually is and isnt possible and more about what they think is potentially possible thats of real interest here

[simplydnp]

be honest with me. what are the chances of a hard launch in june

anon this question goes back years. and the thing is. we have been right once before.

you ask me this this time last year? fuck no. i might even quip that dapg would come back before dnp would hard launch. well. look at us now.

and even then, you look back on the content they started with in the revival--it honestly kind of felt exactly like where we left off, only a lot more explicitly queer (we stan). and then... trying to see without my glasses 2. and bang, spooky week happened. and that shifted the balance. we suddenly got slo-mo replays of handholds. day, after day, after day, finishing with the absolute masterpiece of halloween baking cinnamon rolls. in all honesty it was so much more than i'd've ever expected from them. truly another post-baking universe.

and it never really slowed down. suddenly we had cat prom photos, catboy butlers, catboy dan w/ phil photography credit, theyre 'wrestling' --running us full throttle into gamingmas, the first since 2017. and every day we had a new thing to freak out over: standing close. golf jokes. and then... pinof reacts. i don't know what compelled them to do it but i do have speculations. genuinely, i think they wanted to defang a lot of their history. we treated pinof 1, especially, with this... reverance. and it wasn't talked about too publicly--and dnp didnt do it either. so if they really wanted to move on, to bring down the walls, open the floodgates, define this new era: they had to throw the first stone. and they did. quite heartily too. suddenly this almost taboo part of their history--almost too intimate to be perceived--was on the table. and we were talking about it. joking about it. giving clear signals of 'we see it, it's okay.' and suddenly we existed in a post-pinof reacts world. of anything, i would've never predicted they would've done that. absolutely wild. follow that with it takes two being so chill and fond. incohearant being so blatant and heartfelt. trombone champ being unhinged and chaotic. the genuine and sweet complimenting of each other in the red carpet video. devan wedding... happilyphoreverafter... we crashed forward in time. never knowing what would be next. where is the line? how far will they go.

they teased us with japhan honeymoon and we knew 2024 would be wild. but we didn't know how much. from wdapteo 2023, to specific reminiscing about japan w/ devan, WAD happening, and phil playing a huge role in it all--from the orange carpet hosting, to 'ive been in *sex noises* with phil from the start!', to 'remote crisis manager phil lester', to dan saying he can stay during the thank you.

one of the biggest videos so far this year was the tiktok likes one. i will be forever haunted by the dog eating cheeseburger and willy wonka tiktoks--theres some things i was never meant to know. and yet. they tell us. explicitly.

every single video on amazingphil since the return of dapg has mentioned or featured dan. there's been a palpable shift in the way they interact. have you seen the way phil has been glowing in videos lately? this guy is on cloud nine all the time. it's really not hard to see why.

the energy of keep or yeet w/ dan... the absolute Lack of pretense of it all. phan twitter... watch your step baby girl...

dan and phil fucking crafts. talk about an unexpected return. legacy defining, one might even say. we're still in this tailspin of what everything means and they drop this insanely iconic video on us. from the storytelling to the production to the aesthetic--and its all capped off by explicit handholding. yes, it was part of the sacrifice. but hand in hand, the heart dan ripped from phils chest in one, and the knife that did it in the other... oh boy. we're really in it now. and then they put it on fucking merch. genius. truly no one does it like them.

and the foot has been on the accelerator since. dan and phil connections, shuffleboard & mocktails, getting deep slumber party, acknowledgement & approval of fics (yes previously given but never like this)--hell, even the sims today was wild for 'is their love language horrible banter 👀'.

you didn't ask for an essay but i gave you one. all of this to say, they've been moving the line. quite intentionally so. they intentionally revived their joint branding. they are 'dan and phil' again, and seem happier than ever about it, and i think that means something. they're saying things they never would have before--out of the closet or not.

as for june... 5 years since coming out is a big deal. so is this year being 15 years of dnp. hell, so is this year for being the first out pride month where they're explicitly a duo and regularly making content together. they're sentimental, there will be something.

my craziest idea is reacting to their coming out videos ✌️😔 --but i don't think it'll actually happen. as for more realistic, i could see pride merch. and however that goes will be significant, in my opinion. i'm excited and curious.

i don't know if they'll hard launch. it's hard to put all of the implications, complications, and speculations back into the box once it's opened. dan's talked about it before--wanting to be able to fuck up and not be publically executed, instead, being able to learn and grow and work it out. i think that's a very understandable stance to have. very grounded. we'd have to ask him if tour/dapg has changed that now. i do think he's had some sort of life epiphany--whether it's about that specifically, only he can say. but i think it's there.

even if i portray a lot of level-headedness, i wear my clown nose with pride. sometimes the only option is to go with whatever is funniest at the time. they're both jokesters, so they could commit to a bit like that. but it's also like, it can be too serious for them to want to joke about. i don't know. i think we're in this almost beautiful state right now--the we know you know of it all. there's no expectations, no demands to be met, no obligations of types of content. they're happy. we're happy. it depends on if they feel ready. if they want to. we'll be here, always.

[stormgardenscurse]

Local sleep deprived mess here, i was wondering if your amazing writer self would grace us with what vil,rook,leona,jamil and floyd would do if they woke up late one night and there s/o is just gone, so when they look for them they find them in the dorm kitchen baking because they had a bad dream? I adore your writing author-chan, keep up the great work! ♡♡♡

Summary: Baking late at night, after a bad dream...

Characters: Vil, Rook, Leona, Jamil, Floyd

Vil

At first, Vil wonders if he should start placing a curse on your slippers, so that if you tried to get out of bed at night, you'd only be dragged back to his side and let him know if something's wrong. But considering how you're always conscious about how busy he is and as such, try to keep your worries to yourself, Vil can't help feeling his resolve soften at the sight of you humming quietly, pouring ingredients into a bowl with practiced ease.

Baking was like chemistry or potion making, you'd once told him. It's honestly a horrible hour to have something sweet, but what kind of person would he be to leave you alone?

"I didn't think you'd find the energy to make something in the dead of the night." Vil says as a way of greeting. As he approaches you, it's easy to spot the flaws in your actions - shakier than usual, absentminded. It's easy to accidentally topple or drop items when you're like this. That's what Vil tells himself, anyways, as he takes the mixing bowl from you.

Rather than 'wasting' a few minutes of his time, it's worse if Vil ends up worrying about you the entire day if you don't speak up, you know? 

He tells you as much; "You could have just called for me. Now be a dear and tell me what to do - I'd like to get back to bed before dawn."

Despite how he tries not to prod too much about what had shaken you, Vil finds himself glancing over at your expression to make sure you're okay. 

The smile playing on your lips is a good sign, at least - he's glad you found some humor in how you managed to have the Vil Schoenheit baking for you. (For the record, he'd like to think he's quite good at it too compared to the average beginner.)

Rook

Suffice to say, you'd almost jumped out of your skin when Rook finally made his presence known at the entrance of the kitchen, eyes glimmering like a cat's. 

While you tried to put on your usual smile and pretend everything was fine, it's hard to get your expression from earlier out of the hunter's mind. Beautiful as you are no matter what state you're in, he'd like to chase away any monsters that may be haunting you. And what was Rook Hunt if not tenacious in what he set his mind to?

Rook plays along at first by monologing about how he'd awoken to the loss of starlight in the sky… a hearth that held his heart… and when he'd followed the traces of where it had gone, he'd been led to you!

At his last words, Rook places his hands gently over yours, pausing your movements. Despite yourself, you can't tear your gaze away from him when he asks you what's wrong, almost folding on the spot.

Belatedly, you realize that allowing Rook to help also meant that he was starting to add unusual ingredients into the batter. You were surprised that the cookie dough actually tastes pretty good, despite its color from the many toppings he's put in.

God, does he love the sound of your laugh. When you pause and ask Rook what's wrong (he's staring), he simply gives you a radiant smile.

"It seems like my heart had just been returned to me." With the sly hunter resting his chin on his palm, elbow propped against the counter, you start to realize how disarming he looks with dishevelled hair.

Leona

Leona's normally grumpy when awoken from his sleep, but the feeling of an empty space next to him where you were just moments before was unsettling, to say the least. You were always a presence that barged in on his life even when he'd rather curl under the covers and sleep the day away, so to have you sneak out during the night was an odd feeling indeed.

Nevermind the fact he'd been sleeping so well that he didn't notice your absence until a while later (more delayed than he'd like to admit, ever since he got used to napping with you) - Leona was less than amused when he realized you got up to do work out of all things.

But of course, the first thing he does is say he'll steal your food once it's done baking. Rests his chin on your shoulder while he watches you mix and pour ingredients, lazily draping himself over you like a weighted blanket.

While these sweets won't really get rid of your nightmares, Leona decides that he can do that much himself. (With his presence or a a simple spell? Who knows.) When he tells you the food is an advance payment for his labour, you'd played into the topic by questioning what said labour was. 

"To make sure you're well rested, of course." A lilt of confidence in his voice, Leona muses about his kindness for gracing you with his services. (In reality, he's just getting his partner back in his arms so that he can get back to sleep, but he won't linger on the specifics.)

Jamil

Perhaps it was just out of habitual behavior, but in the first seconds of processing you were gone, Jamil’s brain went from ‘they probably went to get water’ to ‘what if something happened to them’ (worst case scenario)

It’s a good thing you thought to leave a note for him though (it’s not often Jamil seems to sleep so peacefully, so you didn’t want to interrupt his much-needed rest), saying you went to the kitchen. After mulling it over Jamil finds himself unable to fall back asleep, and ventures to find you out of curiosity of what you’re doing.

He’d guessed you were making a late night snack or something along those lines - so color Jamil surprised when he sees you frosting the cakes you’d baked together earlier in the afternoon (someone’s birthday was tomorrow). You said something along the lines of saving him some work, since you were now awake anyways.

Rather than chiding you, Jamil instead takes out the box of extra vanilla sponge that was leftover after trimming the cake. Perhaps it was because he knew how doing something while plagued with unwanted thoughts had a calming effect, but he didn’t stop you, instead asking you what drink you wanted.

With two mugs on the table and Jamil scrolling through his phone as you work, you’re surprised when he uses a spoon to take some frosting out of your mixing bowl to dollop on the cake, haphazardly pairing them together.

At your questioning look, Jamil only shrugs with the hint of a smile. “Not everything has to be done to perfection, right?” 

A comfort hidden beneath a subtle jab from your past words. You let Jamil feed you a bite, hands still occupied by the piping bag and frosting on your fingers.

Floyd

Doesn’t really ask what you’re doing in the kitchen, but offers to help you bake! Floyd turns your otherwise solitary session into a fun conversation. It’s a type of comfort that lets you know you don’t have to divulge what’s bothering you, but his presence will be there anyways by your side.

You’re not sure if Floyd is doing this consciously, but you do know that he’s quite in tune with your emotions, even if he might not magically know the reason behind your mood.

Floyd mentions you sound happier now. The topic ranges from random things that distract you to mundane questions classes. While you’re waiting for the pastries to bake in the oven, Floyd walks you around the dorm to stretch your legs.

…The underwater view from Octavinelle’s dorm really is something. How can your surroundings feel so vast when it’s technically just a part of the college? One day you might be curious enough to figure out how far the water goes, but for now you have to reject Floyd’s suggestion of going for a swim. The last thing either of you needed is for Azul to track you down for flooding the hallways with water, even if it sounded like a funny way to start the morning.

Thankfully, you remembered to set a timer on the oven so that it’d stop baking after twenty minutes! Some things taste best when they’re freshly made, and this was no exception; before you realized, between snacking on the pastries while talking to Floyd and waiting for them to cool down enough to put in the fridge… half of it was gone.

You just hope that you’re not too sleep deprived the next day, to the point where you can’t get up in the morning because Floyd is hugging you to himself like a human plush.

[cyanide-capsules]

Alex Keller was a very open man, or at least that's how he came off.

He was friendly, wide-eyed, the kind of guy you feel like you've known all your life. He seemed to naturally click with everyone he spoke with, including the 141.

Simon Riley was the opposite of him, he was a skeptic. Closed off, suspicious of those he didn't know. This was no different with Alex than anyone else, but there was something about the bright eyed American that made Simon's brain tick.

He didn't know exactly why he felt more on edge around Alex than other new people he met, and he wouldn't understand why until he overheard a conversation between Alex and Gaz.

"Alex man, can you keep a secret?"

Alex laughed. "Do you even know when my birthday is?"

Gaz laughed along, but something seemed to click with Simon.

He knew.. Nothing about Alex.

His middle name, his birthday, where he grew up, his favorite colour, nothing.

That's why he had been so off-put by him, the man was a complete mystery. A mystery that nobody even considered solving because Alex just naturally came off as an open book.

He didn't know what to think from then on, he tried to dig up what he could on Alex but knew he wouldn't find much without the assistance of Laswell.

He spent weeks avoiding the American, narrowing his eyes at him when he was in his vicinity, completely unaware that the two of them shared such similarities.

Two enigmas, one much more obvious than the other.

It wasn't until some random Wednesday night, nobody awake but the stars. Simon stumbled upon Alex just outside the bases front door, a lit cigarette nursed between his fingers.

He wanted to ignore him, go back to bed, but he found himself stepping outside with the other.

Alex acknowledged him with a smile and a nod, but didn't speak. Simon stared at him, not bothering to hide the fact that he was searching for answers in the other man's warm gaze.

There was a thick silence between them, it wasn't uncomfortable but, it was far from comfortable at the same time.

Alex broke it first.

"I take you're not a fan of me?"

He chuckled dryly, humorlessly. An observation Simon couldn't say he expected. His eyes didn't leave the American, watching closely as he took a drag off the cigarette. He didn't know Alex smoked but, then again, what did he know about Alex?

That's the entire reason he was here.

"Don't trust what I don't know."

Simon finally replied, though by now it was more of a statement on its own than an actual response to his comment.

Alex shrugged, he didn't seem at all bothered by Simon's reply. Silence spread between them once more, Simon didn't like Alex's lack of response.

"You're ex-CIA, that's all anyone knows about you. Nobody knows anything about you, but they trust you."

Simon continued, he wanted answers, he wanted a reason to trust the other man. Alex was quiet, tapping the ash from his cigarette before he replied.

"What was that saying? Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones?"

In any other moment, Simon would have been offended by the comparison. But, Alex was right.

They were, almost scarily similar in every aspect but their personalities.

Silence again. It was more welcome this time around. Simon always appreciated the quiet when he needed to think.

The silence didn't last too long this time, Alex spoke up again.

"Humor me, do you ever forget that you're a person and not just a soldier?"

That question alone haunted him for days, Simon now felt uncomfortably aware of Alex.

The way the americans grin always seemed to falter ever so slightly when he held it, how his gaze would fog over at the scent of smoke or when it got too quiet, how his prosthetic always seemed to be moving in some way or another.

He was aware now, aware of the similarities they shared.

Aware of how, just like him, Alex was a soldier before he was a man.

[paintingpuff]

Netflix ATLA and the Air Nomad Genocide

I've started watching NATLA, and though I'm not really enjoying it, I've found it really interesting to compare its writing decisions to the show as a way to break both down and see how their parts tick. Since NATLA is trying to be more faithful than some other adaptations, the changes it does make stand out more and reveal the mechanics of the storytelling.

While I overall think a lot of NATLA's changes--even the minute ones--made the story execution weaker, the more complicated and interesting change of theirs is the intro, showing the day the Fire Nation ambushed the Air Nomads.

Pacing Criticisms

Cards on the table, I think that putting this sequence at the very beginning was a mistake. Watching Aang's emergence from the iceberg in NATLA made me realize how much the original cartoon imbues its beginning with mystery that makes for a much more active viewing experience. Aang doesn't know much about the present, Katara and Sokka don't know much about Aang's origins, and in their back and forth of information, we the audience organically learn both. Watching Katara and Aang piece together how long he's been frozen in ice was more satisfying and natural than Grangran deducing everything immediately when Aang showed up.

But Sherlock Grangran was kind of the only decision the writers could do, because if they tried the build up the cartoon did, it would just feel tedious to the audience, because we already know everything from the start. They kind of wrote themselves into a corner there.

But let's ignore that problem. We could imagine in another draft that this sequence of the Fire Nation attack shows up as a flashback, kind of like what happened in ATLA with The Storm.

That then begs the question: How does this sequence’s inclusion change the audience's experience, and is it for better or worse?

Facing Vs. Hiding the Horrors

Both series portray very dark and horrific situations, but the way they try to evoke horror from the audience are very different approaches, and for me raises a question I've been asking myself for a while: When wanting to display discomforting violence, is it more effective to imply/hide it, or to show it in detail? Somewhere in between?

(I specify discomforting violence, as opposed to violence meant to be catharsis or spectacle.)

There are arguments for both. Explicit violence can create a visceral, physical reaction to an audience member (especially the squeamish ones), though for some it can come across as gratuitous and even exploitative.

Whereas hiding the violence can horrify the audience by leaving a lot to the imagination (insert that quote about fear of the unknown from Hack Penmanship Lovecraft), or give the sense that the events are so awful that even the camera has to look away. Some also say this gives the characters more dignity, though others think this softens the emotional reaction almost as a form of self censoring (there's a reason kid's media often tries to show horrific stuff off screen, such as the original ATLA).

Ultimately I've come to the conclusion that the former approach works for some stories, whereas the latter works better for others, all of it based on a ton of factors.

So I don't think NATLA's choice to delve into more detail about the Air Nomad genocide is an illogical decision. I wasn't sure about it when I heard it, but I thought that maybe I'm just attached to ATLA's off screen approach, so I kept myself open.

And dialogue issues aside, I don't think the scene is that poorly done. But it did ultimately solidify for me that ATLA's narrative is stronger without an explicit depiction of the Air Nomad genocide.

The Grief of Never Knowing

The image of Gyatso’s skeleton from ATLA has haunted me ever since I saw it as a kid. It was an emotional gut punch in a very well done episode, but this particular screenshot has stuck with me, and that is because of the Fire Nation soldiers. A lot of people have pointed this out, but there are a lot of bodies here, and it implies that Gyatso managed to not only kill these soldiers, but do it when they were strengthened by the comet. That image is very discomforting--Gyatso is always seen from Aang’s perspective, and thus we only see him as the gentle old mentor and friend, one who cheats at games and throws pies he meticulously baked.

It also puts into Aang’s position and the grief he has to face. From his perspective, he was gone only a few days as 100 years passed. He never gets to see the interim, and thus neither do the audience. He is left with the same implications as we are, and has to face the realities of grieving the fact that sometimes you’re not there when they leave.

An excellent point from @endless-nightshift here is how one of ATLA’s core themes is coping with the aftermaths of atrocities and war, analyzing their long-lasting affects rather than just the initial shock of violence--something I had never consciously realized but once said out loud makes a lot click into place for me. There is a reason the show starts a full century into the war rather than just a few years. 

François Truffaut once said that “there is no such thing as an anti-war film,” because the medium of film is inherently better at elevating and glorifying what it shows rather than deriding or deconstructing it. While I don’t think it’s impossible to do the latter, the extended action sequence that is the intro to NATLA causes that sentiment to echo in my mind as I watch, rather than invest me into the story. 

The implied atrocities of ATLA draws me in to empathize with the wounded characters and world, whereas the explicit action of NATLA pushes me away. 

…and that’s where I was planning to end this analysis, but there is one thing NATLA’s intro adds into the canon that I think is actually genius--if they take advantage of it in the future. 

The Air Nomads are Joy

When I first saw the addition of the Comet Festival, I saw it as a purely mechanical decision to have all the Air Nomads in one place for the attack, as well as to make the act even more scummy. However, the more I thought about it the more I realized how it could tie into one of my favorite themes of ATLA: the Air Nomads (and especially Aang) as the joy and hope of the world. 

(I saw an old tumblr post about this theme that inspired this section. I wish I could link it but I can’t find it anymore, I’m very sorry and if anyone can help me find it tysm)

There is a recurring motif of associating the Air Nomads with humor and fun. Iroh mentions their good humor; Gyatso baking pies just to prank the other masters with it; Roku’s first airbending flashback being him using it to mess with his friend. This is a core tenet to Aang’s character as well. The first line he has in the show is inviting Katara to go penguin sledding with him. Half the stops he makes in Season 1 is purely to have fun. He excites Kyoshi island with an airbending party trick. The humor in ATLA’s tone isn’t just there because it’s targeted towards kids, but is the bedrock of the series’ themes. 

(On a personal note, the humor is also what got me and my family into the show. We saw the intro sequence with Aang crashing into the statue and it made my mom laugh so hard that we watched the whole series, and years later we’ve rewatched it dozens of times and own all the DVDs)

Joy and fun and hope were the first things to die when the Fire Nation attacked, and part of Aang’s job is returning that to a world that has been scarred by decades of war. You may already be seeing where I’m going in regards to the Comet Festival. 

A core conflict in the cartoon finale is Aang wanting to keep to the principles of the Air Nomads while still finding a way to stop the war (side note: I think the resolution and Aang’s decision to spare Ozai was a good one, I just think the execution was a little janky). Beyond the surface level conflict of who wins in the battle between Aang and Ozai, there is the additional tension of who will win ideologically. The return of the Avatar State is an interesting development in this dynamic, having Aang suddenly physically winning the fight, but spiritually losing up until the last moment. In the end, it is a triumph where Aang manages to find a third option to win both conflicts, despite them seeming diametrically opposed. It is about defeating Ozai and the Imperial Fire Nation by wholeheartedly rejecting their ideology of violence and might-makes-right. 

But now I see a really cool opportunity for NATLA with what they’ve established in the intro sequence: What if Aang reclaimed the symbol of Sozin’s Comet for his people? That day of the Fire Nation attack, centuries of the Comet Festival were wiped over in history, with people now naming that event as Sozin’s Comet and the beginning of the war. Wouldn’t it be poetic for Aang to mark the ending of the war by wiping away that stain done to his culture, taking it back from the Fire Nation in what ways he can? To turn a tool for genocide into an event of joy and fun once more. 

I’m reminded of moments from the cartoon like Suki commenting how beautiful the comet looks. It would just tie everything up beautifully, and I really really hope the NATLA writers--if Netflix does give them enough seasons to get there--take advantage of this.  

So, to sum up what I think of NATLA so far: I think a lot of its changes have made the story weaker, but I don’t want them to stop trying changes. If I wanted a 1:1 copy of the cartoon, I’d just watch ATLA--it’s also on Netflix, after all. With more work, I can see the writers making changes that accentuate and build on the beauty of the original. 

(Note: These are the thoughts I’ve accrued from just watching the first episode. I plan to watch more, but it does exhaust me at the moment. Still, I hope I can do more of these kinds of analyses, it’s a really fun writing exercise for me)

[emmatgc]

Chapter 12- Wonderful World

“I DON'T NEED PROMISES” (Preferably for adults only. A bit of *Smut* is present. This is only for Seon Yul x Soo Hyun shippers)

“Till death do us part” - the lovebirds said. Soo Hyun is happy her ex husband found another love and hopefully, another family of his own. Congratulations, she said to the newly weds. It is a sunny day for a wedding. It took courage for her to attend but it took extra courage for them to attend together, Seon Yul and her. After that lovers spat, where it took both of them in an unspoken truth of fragile feelings, they promised to stay together and avoid secrets, if possible. They both understand the need to protect each other but the year is almost ending, and somehow their little secret, is taking its toll to people around them. They realized it cannot be this way for long. People can see, people talk. In this wedding, people actually did talk..a lot. One guest started it all. “My dear Soo Hyun, how wonderful for you to attend your ex husband’s wedding”, an old lady heavy on make up, probably a friend of the bride as Soo hyun never saw her ever before. All the more weird for her to reply but she did after-all. She smiled and said “yes, thanks”.

It was a tension filled sunny and windy afternoon and Seon Yul is the most uncomfortable of them all. He looks handsome in a tie and suit, perfect for his skin tone and brown eyes. Soo Hyun was breathless when he fetch her to go to the venue. Seon Yul didn’t talk much as he can see the piercing eyes upon him. It didn’t help that most of the guests are from the news channel’s company where in even that the last 6 years of news has been buried, some remembers. They can hear whispers “isn’t that boy the son of the one she murdered? Are they mad?. Every time they hear those words, their intertwined hands grows tighter and they grow closer as if they needed to protect each other from everything and anyone. They are united. Soo Hyun knows she is still a public figure but she is also a private one as she assumed and prefers to be left alone.

Driving her home, Seon Yul was still pretty much silent. He knows going into this relationship, this is bound to happen. His friend warned him “the world is not kind for your love story” he remembers hearing those words. Not only the nightmares are almost haunting him every night now, he hasn’t also told Soo hyun yet. He is avoiding the topic. He doesn’t want to burden her. Soo Hyun said “Im sorry” upon arriving at her home. He caressed softly her face and he in return, put a lock of her hair beyond her ear and replied “I am fine, don’t worry”. They kissed softly and bid each other goodnight and goodbye. 

“You traitor, how can you this to us? How can you love that murderer? She broke our family. She also killed me. What kind of a son are you?” His mom is strangling him in his dream. He woke up, panting and sweating. He can barely sleep 3 hours these days. Last time he dreamt of his uncle and now his mother. There must be a reason why he is having these nightmares after all these years. He wanted to call Soo hyun but its 3am and again, he doesn’t want to burden her with this.  He didn’t sleep after that and waited for the sun to rise and called some friends of his in his past life. He called a detective in charge of the case of his uncle Kim Joon. He wanted to know how is he and last time he heard , not sure that he was applying for a parole. What the detective told him send chills down his spine. “Son, don’t be surprised but in the coming days, his plea for a parole will be heard in court and he might do an interview if he is awarded that parole. They said for good behavior and national security purposes, the President wants to pardon him”. 

Seon Yul dropped his phone in shock. He thought deep. He needs to do something. He walks back and forth in his home , drinks water and walk again, thinking his next moves. It is over, he said but why does he feel unsafe and something is bound to happen again. His mind went straight to Soo Hyun, thinking about her safety. He texted her he has an emergency in the hospital and he has to work early and that he will call her later. He lied. He wanted to visit his uncle in prison. He wants to talk to him. He wants to see him now. 

“I want to see my uncle, Kim Joon” he said to the jail guard. The guard said he will ask first if he is expecting a visitor and when he came back, he opened the door for his entry. In a room, they can only talk behind a wall for his uncle is put in an intensive unit for high crimes unit. He sat down and waited for him. Handcuffed, and smiling he walked towards the glass separating him from Seon Yul and got the phone and said “Hello, Son”. He answered back “I am not your son”. Kim Joon fell from grace after that fateful night when his crimes were exposed 6 years ago. He has small grey hairs now but it seems his face lacks remorse as Seon Yul feels.

“My dear nephew, how are you? I heard you are seeing that woman, for real this time. I didn’t know you liked older women. Crazy. Is it because I took your Mom early?   His blood boiled upon hearing about his mother. He killed her and now he is granted a hearing for leniency? He wanted to punch him and the glass separating him. “What are you up to? , he asked. “ I just wanted to be free. I think I deserved to be free. I have been good and the secrets I hold, I don’t think the government can take it me spilling more”. He seems confident, this arrogant bastard he thought to himself. “Are you afraid I’d come back for your woman, your lover?”. “If you lay a hand on her, I swear will kill you myself!”, he stood up and punch the glass in front of him. The jail guard warned him and said he only has a minute left. “Be careful nephew. She be careful too….and his family”. Then he smirked at Seon Yul and went back to his cell. Seon Yul stood there for awhile to compose himself. This is not happening, again.

Soo Hyun has been staring at her phone all day. She never got a reply from Seon Yul after she said “Ok, I love you and I will see you later”. She was worried when she saw his texts saying “I have an emergency this early morning at the hospital and I’ll be out late. I’ll call you later”. He seems to forget we had a plan to have dinner but of course, she understands works comes first. She just can’t help but be worried afterall this past few weeks he seems agitated and secretive since that fight they had. She was waiting for him to open up and tell her about his nightmares but its been weeks and there was no stories he shared. She feared something is wrong, she knows something is up and he doesn’t want her to know.

It is now 6pm, she is at the orphanage and its been almost 8 hours he hasn’t; contacted her and continued to reject her calls. She is beyond worried. She decided to call his friend, Shi Joon. She asked him if Seon Yul is there. She Joon was surprised “Seon Yul? He filed for leave. He is on leave today until tomorrow I believe, Seon Hyun. I thought he is with you”. She replied, “He is not”. Is everything ok, he asked back? Soo Hyun was confused and behind the call, Shi Joon feels her fear and said “I’ll reach for him, I will update you if J have news”. Thank you is all she can say. Now, she is more than worried, he is terrified where the hell is her boyfriend! “Where are you?” She texted a 5th time. It is now 8 o’clock in the evening. Turning on the TV, and on the news, she dropped the remote control. Her jaw opened and Kim Joon is in the news. He is applying for parole.

This can’t be, she thought. Now she knows why he is acting strange lately, Does he know about this? He is too good to let this be all but a coincidence. The horror is setting in. Kim Joon might go free? Suddenly her fear is tangible. She looked at the kids in her orphanage. She thought of her family, especially her mom. Will he come back for me? to destroy us? She can’t think clearly. She wants to see Seon Yul, that’s all that matters. He is all that matters now. She grabbed her keys and went to his house.  “Seon Yul?”. Seon yul, are you here? She checked his rooms. No plain in sight, He is not here. Was he kidnapped? Is he hurt? Soo Hyun nearly fainted and took a seat. She drank water and told herself to calm down. 

She fell asleep waiting for him and she heard a text. “I am sorry. You must be worried. I am fine. Do not worry”. It is from Seon Yul. This jerk, she said cursing him out loud. She texted back “Where are you?”.  I need time for myself. I want to be alone, Soo Hyun. Please let me be for now. Please, do not be mad, I beg of you”, he replied. Soo Hyun starts to cry and she can’t give up. He must be hurting, she knows him too well. “Tell me where you are right now. Or I swear….you won’t see me again”.  He replied “Maybe it is better that way”. Her heart sighed and tears poured more. She doesn’t want to give up on them. “Ill drive in the middle of the night and will never stop looking for you. Tell me where you are right now, Seon Yul. If you want to protect me, talk to me. I’ll call on my ex husband and we will come looking for you, together”. That should do the trick, she said and it did. Seon Yul smiled a little. She knows how to trigger him just fine. His jealousy is his weakness, she knows. He is just a boy , a forever green boy in love with her. “I am here at the garage where we used to meet and eat”. Without a delay more, she grabbed her keys and drive down there. Soo Hyun didn’t even know it still existed. One detail Seon Yul didn’t share in their relationship, she discovered. She will ask later but for now, his safety is her priority. He is alone and she doesn’t want to make him feel that way, ever again. 

She saw him the same years ago, in a bonfire he created, looking at the stars. Same as that time, too..he had wounds in his knuckles. He must have punched at someone or something. She brought him some food, his favorites. “Hey” she said, coming forward but not too close. He seem distant. He smells wine. She doesn’t want to force her boundaries. He seems preoccupied in his thoughts. She decided to sit beside him. No touching. Just siting near each other and wishing he will talk. “I saw him today. Kim Joon. Sorry, I lied where I was. If you saw the news, it is true. The government might cut a deal for him and may grant him leniency. It sucks. The system is broken.” 

She replied “ We will fight again. We did it once and we will do it again. It is just a possibility. It hasn’t been decided and granted yet”. She wants to touch him but he is too far gone in his eyes and doesn’t even look at her. “Is this my karma? My punishment of taking revenge on you? On being blinded by hate and for a while, accomplice to his evil acts? Or this… now finally he looks at her, “is this…us, frowned upon by the Gods so bad they don’t want us to be together and just be happy?  Is this a curse?  She stood up and went towards him and kneeled before him, capping his face touching him softly, he closed his eyes “Don’t regret us. This is not punishment for us nor for you. He is just a bad, evil man. He took her hand and kissed his knuckles even with the stain of blood and he stood up. He walked away from her and his back against her he said “Maybe, this is it for us. Let us end this. I don’t deserve you. I will only ruin you. Please stay away from me, Soo Hyun.

“Are you breaking up with me? She asked. Why are you doing this? I love you! Don’t push me away. He walked towards the home storage car he has. She grabbed his hand. “Don’t walk away from me, Seon Yul”. 

He raised his voice “Love is not enough! Don’t you see what’s happening, Soo Hyun? He is gonna get that deal and he is going after us, after you!  This is all my fault. I dragged you into this. I went back into your life, forced myself again into your life and for what? For this? Your life and your family’s life is in danger if he walks free. What then? I can’t run away from this. I am cursed. I don’t deserve you or any joy this world can give. So, just listen and let’s stop this. You deserve a peaceful life. Walk away now. Walk away from me, please. Just listen to me this one time”.

His voice is starting to crack. He is starting to cry. He went inside and sat in his bed. Soo Hyun wants to smack him or punch him for being an idiot keeping it all to himself. Does he think she is inadequate for him? She thinks he thinks of her too fragile. She can handle it. She wants him to know that. She went inside and again kneeled down to him. She grabbed his wounded hands and kissed them again. “Just go and leave me” he begged. “I don’t want to. I will only leave if you will say you don’t love and want me anymore. Say it and I’ll walk away…for good, forever. 

Seon Yul looked at her.. deep into her eyes. He sighed. He is breathless in front of her like always. “Of course, I love you. I always have and I always do” but…I don’t want to hurt you, Soo Hyun. Not again. Not ever. And this…this can hurt you, us and your family. It is not fair. She clapped back at him “You know what is unfair? You not trusting me to be there for you. Look at me, I am here. I am not going anywhere. Don’t try to belittle me. I can do this. I am strong, you know that. I can protect you, too. “ 

Tears came down his face. Nobody has said those words for a very long time. “Ill protect you”. It has always been him protecting everything from everyone he loves. “Just tell me what you need, Soon Yul, let me in. I promise I’ll give it to you”.  He brought his hand to her cheeks, “I don’t need promises. I can’t promise you anything either but I just want you to stay. Don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone, again”. I just want you.

For the 1st time Soo Hyun saw Seon Yul’s darkened eyes with deep devotion and if she is right, lust. She knows that look. It has been a long time since anther man gave her that look. She teased him “You are the one wanting me to leave and let me go” . “You can have me. You always have me”. 

“I know”, he answered. She stood up and when he wanted to stand up, she stopped him. “ Don't. Just sit like that. Don’t move". Confused Seon Yul got stiff and frozen, what is she doing? His mind is topsy turvy. It is only now he realized, Soo Hyun is wearing a skirt. She adjusted something under her skirt, his mind went blank. Soo Hyun now is on his lap. There is always a first time. His legs is about to break. Yet, something is hardening below and Soo Hyun knows it. She kissed Seon Yul and this time, deep and hungrily. She is taking charge. She is taking control. In his ear, she whispered “ So, you still want to let me go and leave?”. He let a small groan and replied “No, I lied. I don’t want you to go. Not ever.”.

Both breathing heavily now. She is feeling intoxicated and wild. She hates him now but she can’t help it, she is in love with him, too it hurts. They are both hurting. But their bodies need this now. The hear is definitely on. This is somehow his punishment. She bit his ear and said “Don’t say those words again. Don’t do this again. It’s not him who will kill me, its you if something happens to you”. Those words made him moan. His first. He knows what she wants now. Its been the thing he wants the most, too. Them, to be as one. Opening his jeans and both eyes locked at each other, full of love, longing and lust now, he grabbed her waist and ran his fingers in her back like his life depends on it, she saw his length and he is ready to take her. She now is ready to be taken. Slowly, she went down and just like that, up and down, she rode him like it’s the last ride of their lives. She looks sexy, hot, beautiful and breathtaking he whispered to her. Gods be damned. The world be damned. This is their world and it is now crushing in. They made love for the 1st time. In an unconventional place and time. But then again, nothing is conventional with their love why start now? Panting and sweating together, they broke from their kisses, Soo Hyun said “Let’s face it all, together. And with another kiss and thrust, he replied, yes, together”.  🔥

NOTE: Whew! I know. A little smut here and there. lol 😉I am extra proud of this chapter and this one is one of my favorites to date. I don't know if you are surprised but I had a good time writing this one towards the end but also a hard time with their story of continued pain. They deserve better and they will have just that. Before the rainbow though, storms are always there. Last 2 Chapters and then epilogue. I am in love with this two! The end is near. Thank you so much for your support!

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

.. ...if my nightmare was a shade, it would have been ya. ....

…

warning : a heavy-ish / dark-ish topics down below. nothing too graphic mind you, but just to be safe.

...

(now, just imagine them having the same dream. the same nightmare, but with different pov. from different sides n’ perhaps *bc of it* with slightly different scenarios. 

i often think about what kind of nightmares bruce must have *recurring death of his parents aside*. i wonder, if he dreams about jon at times, but not fully in typical fashion. what if *sometimes* it’s less about a twisted form of a scarecrow attacking him or taunting him. but instead, he dreams of smth more viviscal. submerged. what if he sees jon using a gun? n’ not his usual ft dart-gun, but an actual pistol?

as we know, bruce hates guns. but whichever crane was about to use a gun on someone else or on himself is the sort of topic / idea, that i’ve pondered on for a bit. in retrospect, each variation is scary n’ depressing for bruce in its own way. but what would be more scary about the same scenario for jonathan? that he was stopped or more like caught? n’ was he caught in a more literal sense, before he could hurt people or was he caught in the middle of doing smth irreversible to himself? 

which is more humbling n' scary? which is less damaging? i suppose, that each of them have their own way of viewing it.

anyhow, i adore horror. i love all kinds of horrific things n' trippy scenes, but this time around, i was thinking about a nightmare that is less of a scary visual / unrealistic distortion, but instead smth that can actually happen. it’s like a dream, where you’re powerless to stop smth horrible from taking place n’ you're fully aware of it. you know, that you won't be able to do anythin' at all. a sort of nightmare, where you lose someone n’ in the terms of the dream, it’s final.

n’ while bruce can see such dreams with his parents in it, they’re already dead in a wake world. the dream in on itself is an old trauma, a twisted memory on replay. but the dream, where he cannot stop crane from doing smth awful is still a real possibility, that can happen. in a way, it’ll be harder to swallow vs smth that he already cannot change. as for jon, he's sort of always haunted by batman, awake or not. him dreaming of the bat stopping him is both humiliation n’ relief at once. somewhat of a comfort even?

if jon was stopped short before hurting someone, it’s less scary for him, clearly. just unsettling how easy it is for the bat to apprehend him, once he can size up his arms. as for the scenario, where crane was about to shoot himself, it’s almost like instead of waking up right before ‘the death’, it’s batman who puts it all on a pause, bc of course, it would be him. n' for funny side-note, i don't think that there is version of a dream, where the scarecrow uses the gun on bruce. it feels too inpersonal to be a nigthmare. esp bc i feel like at times the villains do this kind of thing, low-key knowing that their opponent would easily dodge it, so it's almost like a game. adult version of water-guns....

but like whichever scenario it is *crane doing thing to himself or someone else*, in the end they still do end up standing there, hand in hand. basically, holding hands with their personal sleep paralysis demon. even if said 'demon' is just another broken man.

also the possibility, that they see similar dreams due to the same level of exposure to ft is intriguing. misery loves company, after all.)

[ppeonppeonhan]

Dead Friends Forever Q&A-Style Review

I listen to a movie podcast called The Rewatchables, and they have interesting categories that I want to examine this series through.

Most rewatchable scene: It has to be the last one, because we've been talking about it nonstop since it aired. Plus, it lives in my head, rent-free, like Non is haunting me. Like WE failed him. 😱

But since I'm a BL girlie, who loves a well-crafted sex scene, I also have to include both of Phee and Jin's high-heat moments when Phee's trying to seduce him on the balcony and when they have rough sex in Jin's room. I'm not gonna lie: That was some king shit on Ta's end.

Best quote: "No one could leave this abandoned house — not even one." Come on! It foretold the surreal ending and fulfilled the victim's wishes. Gold.

What aged the best? The way that even the bullies perceived teacher Keng as a groomer, who took advantage of a desperate child — that will most definitely make that subplot still bearable even a decade from now.

What's aged the worst? The unaliving and SA montage in the finale that some have said was insensitive/irresponsible to have included. It was like trigger after trigger after trigger — practically a machine gun of traumatic scenes. The fandom could sincerely organize a class action lawsuit against the writer and director for them to pay for our therapy bills.

Scene-stealing location: The lake. Such a beautiful setting for romance, betrayal, and revenge. 😈

Best shot: Definitely the one of Tan from above when he's successfully drugged all of his victims. Iconic.

Are we sure this person is good at their job? Tee's uncle. The fact that he has so much riding on two teenagers is ridiculous. He didn't just start being a con man / mob boss that week. How does he not have a more stable criminal infrastructure at this point?

Best use of food and drink: Obviously, Tan spiking the beverages, knowing it would be the easiest way to poison everyone.

Was there a better title? Absolutely not. The play on the phrase "Best Friends Forever," an archaic term popularized in the '90s that puts way too much pressure on kids to find their kindred spirit and hold on to them through adolescence and adulthood, was inspired. It truly encompassed the impossibility of it all. There are just so many obstacles ahead of you, like peer pressure, family obligations, love triangles, bullying, ego, insecurity, and cowardice, that it's a lofty promise to make when you've barely finished puberty. Plus, it kind of hints at the ending...

Overacting award: Some could argue Barcode, but part of his performance was meant to be surreal, because it was in the dream state. I, personally, vote Jet (Top). Sometimes I felt like his character was in an entirely different, far more slapstick genre.

The "That Guy" Award: This category is for the actor/famous person you see all the time, but don't know the name of. I noticed a lot of people were excited to see Perth, so I "saw him all the time" on my feed. When I Googled him, that's when I learned that he was on a reality show with other Be On Cloud stars. 

Scene-Stealer (with very few scenes): Honestly, whichever extra/stunt double they had wearing that mask, freaking us out. The most memorable of which was when its creepy hand groped Tee.

Recasting couch:

I think Nanon (Bad Buddy) could've been interesting as the tormented Tan, because we would've bought his innocence longer.

It could've added to the mystery if we had the BL twins, AJ and JJ, confuse the narrative. 

I would watch Neo in almost anything at this point, and he could've played the morally conflicted Tee as he showcased those skills already in Only Friends.

A younger Mark (Last Twilight) would've fit so well into this cast. He plays lost and guilty quite well.

Picking Nits: This category is for pointing out things that just don't add up.

Why didn't Phee's cop dad have more questions about his son's behavior and activities after he saw who his son was involved with?

What teenager is fine going somewhere that has no wifi or reception? Even I wouldn't do that and I've had wifi as long as these characters have been alive.

Why was Non, a teenager, being medicated for mental health issues, but not being monitored by a mental health professional?

If Tee's uncle didn't want to be at a loss if Non died unexpectedly, then why didn't he let him get his wounds treated and get some rest? Unless the plan was always to harvest his organs, which would still have merited rest. Nobody wants shitty organs.

Unanswerable Questions

If Jin and Phee survived, would they have got back together?

If Non were alive, would Phee have ditched Jin?

What did they do with Non's body?

And, of course, after succeeding: Does Tan recover from his grief and move on with his life? Does he successfully escape arrest? Does he leave behind evidence of what the boys did to his family to further persecute them in death? Is his revenge plot really over...?

That was fun! Tag me if you answer the same Qs.

[salty-an-disco]

For ParaCold... Pre-Relationship 6, General 6, General 13, Love 11, Love 13, and/or Domestic Life 12? (Yes I am asking a lot, feel free to only answer one of these if you'd prefer! I just love your thoughts on them always~)

(I freakin' knew you'd come at me with the asking sheet lol /aff /pos)

Ship Questions Redux

Pre-relationship 6. What was their flirting stage like?

Veeeeery awkward. At least from Paranoid's perspective; the moment she started consciously flirting, she felt like a shelf full of glass jars constantly shaking and dropping everything onto the floor. She'd go out of her way to compliment Cold's additions to any convo or their appearance, all while sweating bullets and feeling like a giant fuckin' buffoon.

Cold, meanwhile, never registered anything he did as 'flirting', but when they saw Para actively flirting, it found the sight very amusing, and started going out of its way to compliment her back and even say some suggestive lines (cue Paranoid.exe stopping working and going into overdrive)

General 6. How do their personalities complement each other? How do they clash?

I mean– we already talked about this at lenght like aikskdmdjdmd

Cold is uniquely equipped to help Paranoid calm her nerves and look at situations with a more pragmatic view, while Para can make Cold consider being less reckless if only for other sakes, how they can read each other, the way their actions often clash but also helps them grow– aaaaaaaagggghhhh

General 13. Which one thinks they aren't good enough for the other, if at all?

Oh, they both have their own form of Imposter Syndrome.

Para knows she can unlikable to others, with how intense and inquisitive she can be, and she knows it's hard to approach her when she's already expecting the worst from others. And that's fine!! She can live like that, it's safer if others don't even try to approach cuz she seems a bit too prickly. And she often wonders if Cold would've felt the same if they weren't born from the same being–

Cold knows it's difficult. Knows others find it unsettling or menacing. And it's fine with that, really, it's a flattery that so many people think of it as an uniquely evil being. And Paranoid is no exception, she was definitely afraid of it in multiple occasions, but she still puts it aside to try and work with them. They're sure she wouldn't want anything to do with it if it didn't insistently follow her and got into her personal space, but it selfishly wants her attention. And if they're evil and scary and dangerous anyway, why bother if it's being a little selfish too?

Love 11. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

I like the idea of Cold calling Para 'Dots' cuz of her plumage patterns. A cuter way to look at the markings that triggers Paranoid so much. She was very taken aback by it when it was first used, but didn't mind it and even came to like it.

I think Para definitely calls Cold some of the many nicknames the others gave her to tease her. 'Cool Guy' is one of her favorites for this. Avoids names like 'heartless' tho, cuz she noticed how those seem to actually get to Cold (it's very subtle, but she learned to read him at this point).

Love 13. How do they make up after an argument? Who is the first to apologize?

Depends on the argument, and how much one was at fault over the other. Para definitely apologizes as soon as she realizes she was being unfair/going a bit too far. Cold doesn't verbally apologize– almost never, but it does change its behavior when they notice how it upsets others and tries to make up for their actions through other ways.

Domestic Life 12. Who likes to dance with, or sing for, the other?

I know many have Cold with good singing voice hcs, but personally, I think he'd rather whistle than sing. And they have a very haunting but weirdly beautiful whistle, and can make many melodies with it. Para finds it weirdly comforting, so Cold will sometimes whistle for her.

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 21: Uskerty

I absolutely adore this episode as the origin of my single favorite Cabin Pressure line: "You know, between the dames and the horses, sometimes I don't know why I even put my hat on." Nothing will ever beat it for me.

So yeah, this episode is super funny, but I do want to talk a bit about something that's come up as my go to "look, a THEME!" here- vulnerability. Because as I was listening, trying to figure out what I was taking away from this episode besides "this is all really funny and well plotted" because at a certain point that gets old, it struck me that there are ways that both of our (absolutely brilliant) pairings this episode really strike a chord when considering the role of vulnerability- and lack of it- in relationships.

This is a bit less so in the Douglas-Arthur pairing in this episode, which is inspired (and yay, there's finally a nice airport manager!)- there are brilliant set pieces, and the premise of the bar conversation allows two very different people to kind of sort of attempt to understand each other. There's also a really nice father/son element- we already can perceive, even if it's not said outright, that Arthur doesn't have much of a father figure- his life is very dominated by Carolyn's influence, even in the majority-male flight deck, in a way that I think even tints his interactions with Mr Birling about sports (there's a tinge of eagerness for acceptance), which he's clueless about. Would Arthur know more about sports if he'd had a dad who gave a shit about him? Who knows. But this episode giving him an older man who's willing to open an as-yet-shut door into a men's world that excites him.

The men's world is, of course, the world of the pub. We've already seen a glimpse of Douglas in that milieu in Kuala Lumpur, and usually I'd say the less said about that the better, but I think there's something interesting about how mean spirited and surfacey it could be there, alongside Arthur's misunderstanding what Douglas means about "talking about their lives." He asks a question that is so unexpectedly and deeply personal that Douglas isn't even upset that he asks, he understands that this is another rule of masculine bar/pub conversation that he has to teach Arthur. On a certain level, this is fine on its own- there's a time and place for everything- but if you look at it a certain way, it can reinforce tropes about men and expressing emotions and feelings. And yet... even by following the rules of pub chat that Douglas lays out for him, and trying to fall into its ritualistic norms (like creative insults), Arthur, in part through his own open-book vulnerability, is able to bring things to a place where Douglas is pretty unselfconsciously vulnerable himself, about the place in the world where he finds himself. And by the end, he's fallen more into Arthur's more atmospheric image of two men in a bar. He's loosened up, and isn't playing by the rules anymore. It's just really nice (in addition to being hilariously funny).

The Martin and Carolyn pairing is maybe a bit less novel than the Douglas and Arthur one, but it still works really well in this discussion of vulnerability. Both of them have had pretenses/barriers they try to keep up- and both, incidentally, are related to their own interest in expressing that they are in control- but by now Martin has learned enough to have started to relax his. This actually really helps, as his actions aren't hampered by pretense or pride- he's basically able to function ALMOST competently with the cabbie as a result. But Carolyn is almost on overtime trying to keep her barriers up against vulnerability and it is clearly driving her a bit bananas, hence her complete dysfunction this episode- she has to be ironic and invulnerable about her gift to Herc, to prove that she may be seeing him but she doesn't have feelings (which will of course come to haunt her in Vaduz), and as a result loses all her judgment. And her overtime craziness is, unusually enough, what causes Martin’s misfortune, not his own incompetence! He's the functional one here, not her, because unlike her he's not filtering all his behavior through this one very constricting lens.

Once Martin is able to open her up a bit in the discussion of his salary- where she starts off in control as the boss and is forced to face the fact that Martin is loyal to her even when he shouldn't be*, which could very easily pierce the defenses of her invulnerability as she has to accept this reality- she starts to mellow out. Whereas she starts off saying that she's “not a little old lady” so she can’t do the totally reasonable thing until Martin begs, afterward she manages to chill enough that she can do the, you know, sane thing even though it dings her a bit in the self-confidence. She's not quite as in thrall to her inner barriers anymore.

I'll just end off by saying- this episode may also, in addition to my favorite line, have my favorite closing lines of any episode, with the possible exception of Zurich 2. Though that one's mostly about the nostalgia and emotions. So maybe this is it.

*On this note- when did Martin stop looking for jobs? He was looking in Rotterdam… given my St Petersburg post I wonder if it was before or after that.

[starsandink13]

The White Crow Game Chapter 6

Even though you were far away from the theater, the agonized screams still pierced through your mind. You had no idea for how long you've been walking; it seemed like the flow of time was frozen in place in this mansion. Forever stuck in a single moment no matter how much time really passed outside.

Which makes sense, since he did say that this is on the border between the fairy realm and the human realm... You thought and cracked your stiff neck. Carefully, you put a finger to where the bruise had once been and grimaced. From now on, I have to be even more careful when going through this place. Although I still don't know why he would go out of his way to heal me. Something about that isn't right.

When you were about to turn another corner, you noticed a painting of Corvin dressed in a dark red silk cloak. The hood was pulled up and he held a white rose out towards the viewer with an eerily placid smile and a sinister look in his eyes. But what interested you was that the rose looked as if it was jutting out of the canvas, almost as if you could reach towards it and pluck it out. Without thinking, you put your hand gently towards the rose and yelped as you felt petals under your fingers.

"W-what?" You gasped and touched the flower again.

The silky petals bent ever so slightly underneath your touch. Hesitantly, you pulled out the flower. To your shock, the rose was in your hands with the exact weight and texture of one. You looked back to the painting to see that where the rose once was is now a black silhouette of it.

You turned the rose once more over in your hand before putting it back into the painting. The rose sank back into the canvas and transformed into a facade of what it was.

Could this mean that he hid the key inside of a painting?

Your hand wrapped around the strap of your satchel as you looked at the portrait. Admittedly, that is pretty smart of him if it is. No one would expect you to put it in such obviously plain sight.

You cracked your neck and walked away from the artwork. Excitement raced through your veins and you walked a little bit faster. You came to the end of the hallway to see that there weren't any paintings featuring a key of any kind.

Of course, it wouldn't be that easy...

You shook your head and let out a deep sigh, running a hand through your messy (H/C) hair. You closed your eyes and leaned against a door. The door gave way to your weight and you let out a sharp squeak. Before you could fall on your face, you regained your balance. You shook your head, dusting off your pants and looked at the room you stumbled into.

It was a magnificent music room with most of its light goldish walls taken up by tall, arched windows that let in streams of moonlight. The floors were white marble with thin veins of gold that were so polished that you could see your reflection in it. At even intervals, dark blue chaises and ottomans were placed up against the walls. Next to one of the windows was an ivory harp and a cello. You walked up to a window and looked up at the moon that hung in the ink-black sky like a silver eye.

Your heart clenched and put a hand over it. Don't give up, you're close to freedom.

In the middle of the room was a well-polished grand piano. It was black and glossy like a raven's feather with ivory keys shining like pearls in the low light. The piano bench seated in front of it was made of ebony with midnight blue velvet upholstery.

Do I have to play Moonlight Sonata? You scoffed and turned away from the piano. As you were about to leave the room, a melody played behind you.

You whipped around to see Corvin seated at the piano. You were about to demand to know what he was doing but stopped when you saw his expression. His face was placid and focused; a far cry from his usually mischievous demeanor. His long and slender fingers gracefully plucked at the keys. The music was low and haunting, like the soft cries of a ghostly bride. You wanted to sit down next to him and listen for eternity. Your limbs felt heavy and you slowly walked towards him. As you were about to sit next to him, you froze up and remembered that this was a trap fairies used to lure humans.

You took a step back and put your hands over your ears and clenched your eyes shut. Your heart felt like a vice was crushing it as every bone in your body locked in place. Fear raced through you like a spider's venom as the melody continued to play, beckoning you to your doom.

Think of something else, come on! Do not listen to it!

The music seemed to become louder, tempting you to put your hands down and close your eyes for eternity. You bit your lip, a sharp pain bursted and your mouth was tinged with the metallic taste of blood.

The melody was becoming stronger; almost as if it was begging-- no, demanding-- you to put your hands down from your ears and listen. Your (S/C) hands were violently shaking.

Think of the key! Focus on the finding the key!

As the last of your fraying willpower was nearly gone, the music finally stopped. You heard a quiet laugh from Corvin and you opened your eyes slightly.

"My, am I really that bad?" He said and got up from the bench.

"No-- the opposite. I would never expect you to be good at it," you begrudgingly admitted, a sharp heat flashed on your face.

"There are quite a lot of things you don't know about me," he leaned into your ear with his hand on your shoulder, his voice husky. "Besides, when you have lived as long as I have you tend to pick up various hobbies to stave away the boredom. Maybe I'll dedicate a song to us and perform it at the wedding. What do you think of that?"

Please don't.

"Speechless, aren't you?" His voice became lower. His soft, cool breath hit your cheek, making your skin crawl. Thankfully, he slowly stepped away from you before you could shove him off of you.

"You have quite a lot of artwork, don't you?" You said. "Especially of yourself."

"It's to serve as a reminder of who's home it is," he answered as he straightened out the lapels of his jacket.

"Can I ask something?"

"Of course."

"You mentioned that you have a lot of hobbies, right?"

"Yes."

"Is one of them painting?"

"I occasionally do some, mostly of landscapes and interior environments." He admitted. "Although I'm not too bad at portraiture, would you like one of you for our first anniversary?"

"No," you bluntly stated.

"My dear has anyone told you're as beautiful as you are scathing?"

"Yes."

"And yet you are still so cruel!" He playfully gasped.

"Anyways, do fairy artists have the ability to put an item into the canvas?" You said impatiently.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean can they put an object into the frame and make it appear as if it is part of the painting. Hide it in plain view so to speak?"

His eyes widened for a moment and he fell silent before quietly answering, "Yes."

"What other things can fairies do regarding artworks?" You continued, "Not just paintings and sculptures, but also music, literature, and so on?"

"Just like in the stories you have about us, we can create music that can put people into a trance and spirit them away," he responded.

"Like what you tried to do earlier?" You folded your arms over your chest.

"I was only doing that to showcase my talent." He huffed slightly.

"And what about literature?" You asked.

"That highly depends on each individual fairy's preference. Truth be told, I'm surprised none of you have spread stories about that-- pun not intended." He said. "But anyways, some like to place nasty traps in which if some unfortunate person opened a book, they're trapped in there forever or until the fairy decides to set them free. Others like to make it so that the book comes to life and attacks the reader, and a few prefer to make it that if you read the words aloud, the story would happen in real life."

"Interesting," you commented.

"I suppose it is," he agreed. "But I have something that I want to ask of you?"

"What is it?"

"What is your favorite color? I think it may be (F/C), but I want to be absolutely certain."

"Let me guess: it's going to be the color of my wedding dress?"

"If you want it to be," he said. "But what I had in mind was the accent colors of the decorations: like the color of the aisleway, the tablecloths, or even the color of the bridesmaids dresses."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes. I want to make sure every last single detail of our big day is perfect. Even for the smallest things."

"It is (F/C)," you sighed, a cold pang of embarrassment shot through your heart.

"Oh good, for a moment I wasn't so sure." He let out a breath of relief.

You said nothing as Corvin hummed a light lullaby and came up to one of the windows, looking up towards the moon with a slight smile dancing on his lips. His white hair and skin looked even more ghostly in the silver light, making the crimson and gold of his eyes stand out even more.

"What a pleasant night," he mused. "The sky's clear so you can see the stars and it's a full moon too! I only hope our wedding night is as beautiful as this one."

A flash of anger ran up your arms and you clenched your fists tightly. Calm down, he's only doing this to get me riled up and to lose focus.

"I see," you said, trying to keep the venom leaking out.

"Something the matter? Your jaw looks a little tense," the right corner of his lips twitched further upwards.

Yeah-- you.

Corvin sighed at your lack of response and came back behind you. He put his face a little bit closer to yours, his breath tickling your (S/C) cheek. With a closer look, you saw a ruby earring in his ear that glittered against his pale skin.

Like a droplet of crystalized blood against white marble. You thought and flicked his hand away from you.

"Well, I can't say this was necessarily pleasant, but I now have to take my leave," you grumbled and stormed out of the music room.

"You sure you don't want to talk about what's upsetting you?" Corvin called out.

---

While you jogged down the hallways, the feeling of hope was swelling inside of you. Your body was clenched with excitement and relief with only one thing ringing through your mind: just find that painting and get out of here!

 Your eyes darted from side to side, looking for any paintings with a key in it. You slowed down and looked behind you. A realization hit you: why would he give you the answer so easily?

You froze up, shock shot through your back before you shook your head, snorting out of your nose as you cursed yourself for overlooking that one detail. An overwhelming wave of frustration and dread overcame you. It's going to be like that stupid wine cellar or that theater...

A low, rumbling groan came from the back of your throat and you sighed. You sat down on a nearby chair with one leg crossed over the other. If only I had a piece of iron with me, I could just go home without playing this game.

You heard the flapping of wings and you looked up to see a white raven flying over you.

"Corvin?" You called out.

The raven didn't respond as it continued down the corridor, eventually becoming swallowed up by the shadows and leaving behind only a single white plume.

That's weird. Normally, he would have made some sort of condescending comment by now. You furrowed your brows. Wonder where he's heading off too.

You began to go into the direction that the corvid was heading towards. While you walked, you reached for the pocket where your knife was, readying yourself for whatever lurks within the corridor. The only sounds was the echoing of your footsteps and your breathing. The silence was deafening, making each sound worse. As you slowly crept further down the hallway, something bronze glinted in the chandelier light.

Whipping your head, you saw a plaque that read: GALLERY hanging from the wall next to a pair of double doors with doorhandles in the shape of a paintbrush.

"Gallery?" You put your hands on your hips. "As in an art gallery?"

Does that mean it's in there? It might be a trap though.

Your limbs tensed up and your hand reached for the knife. You put your ear to the door and listened for anything on the other side of it. You couldn't make out any sound that would suggest any attackers. However, you wanted to make sure; you didn't want to repeat what happened back at the theater.

You cringed and put a hand to where you had been slashed on the leg. With a trembling hand, you anxiously slid the knife under the door, using the reflection to see any potential dangers. Painfully slowly, you knelt down besides the door and looked down at the reflection.

The angle was disorientating at first, but after a few seconds you got used to it. You carefully slid the knife around to get as clear a view as you could of the room. There was nothing that seemed out of place or dangerous. All you could see was hunter's green wall paper with an intricate floral pattern and five ivory pedestals placed at even intervals on one side of the room. On the other side of the room was a small, round rosewood table with a vase of flowers and a brass candelabra with five lit candles in it.

You waited for a few more moments to ensure that it was safe before reaching for the handle. The metal was icy-cold to the touch and almost painful. You winced slightly before pulling it open. A warm air greeted you as the door groaned and you stepped inside. Immediately, you pulled out your knife and held it in front of you.

Biting the inside of your lip, you took another step inside of the room. Your body tensed, ready for an attack. You made your way to the table, between the vase and candelabra was a pair of gold thin-rimmed glasses with round, owlish lenses.

You turned around and saw that on the right side of the room was a golden plaque that read: OFFERINGS FOR ALL OF THEM.

You froze. Your mouth was partially opened in puzzlement and you looked on your left to the pedestals. Behind them, were five paintings. The paintings were that of a pair of cracked and gray lips, a severed and rotting ear, a bloodshot eye, a veiny and discolored hand, and a cracked nose covered in small scars. All of them were overly-detailed with each grotesque feature carefully rendered, making you feel sick looking at them.

You looked back at the plaque and at the paintings. 'Offerings for all of them?' What does that even mean?

Carefully approaching the paintings, you took in every minute detail of them despite wanting to avert your eyes from them, trying to look for any hints. You put a hand to your temple and closed your eyes in concentration.

Five paintings...

Five offerings...

Wait-- these paintings represented each of the five senses! So I just need to put something on the pedestal that corresponds to that sense!

Without wasting another second, you put the candelabra in front of the painting of the hand and a vase of flower in front of the nose painting. You grabbed the glasses and carefully put it on the eye's pedestal. You winced, realizing that you had to make your way to the music room and put an instrument in front of the ear.

With an exasperated groan, you made your way back to the music room. You prayed that Corvin still wasn't there just to rub your imprisonment in your face. As you walked, you noticed that the Corvin in the painting you saw earlier was grinning even wider.

Shivering, you averted your eyes away from it and began to jog. You could feel its eyes burning on the back of your head like a snake readying to strike.

After what felt like hours, you finally were back at the music room. Immediately, you looked around for an instrument small enough to be placed on the pedestal. You caught the glint of something on your left. Sitting on a table was a long, silvery-white flute that shined in the moonlight like a sword. Your fingers wrapped around the cold metal and you carefully put the instrument into your satchel.

"Why are you back here?"

You turned around to see Corvin a few feet behind you with his hands behind his back and a devious smirk. As he approached closer, you could smell the intoxicating aroma of absinthe, wolfsbane, poppies, and smoke coming from him. It was almost strong enough to make you close your eyes and drop your guard.

"What do you want?" You spat out.

"I asked first," he chuckled, the smirk on his face becoming bigger. His eyes twinkled with a dangerous look in them and he saw the flute peeking from your satchel.

In an instant, he was within arm's length of you and he pulled the flute out of your bag. "My, what were you planning on doing with this?"

"Hey--!" You exclaimed and reached for the flute.

"Were you trying to teach yourself the flute?" He held the instrument higher over his head, his smirk was now a full-on grin.

"Just give it back!" You yelled.

"This is my flute," he corrected. "So I can do with it as I please, not you."

You turned on your heel and looked around for another small instrument. As you were about to reach out for violin, the instrument flew towards Corvin. The fairy's mischief-filled eyes were trained on you like a fox waiting to strike. Turning back around, you reached for a lyre only for that to go towards him a well. Annoyance welled in your chest and you marched over to a clarinet, and the instrument flew towards the fairy.

Every part of your body was boiling with frustration and you scowled at Corvin. He returned your look with a sly smile. After standing in silence for a few moments, he took a step towards you with a gleam in his eyes.

"You know, I'll give an instrument of your choosing to you: under one condition."

"Which is...?" You said, smothering back a groan of dismay.

"You'll have to listen to me play a song with the instrument of your choice and without covering your ears."

"How am I so sure that you aren't going to try and put me under some kind of spell?"

"I could have done that with the piano earlier, but I didn't. And besides, I've been honest with you this entire time, haven't I?"

"Yes but--"

"But what?"

"Who's to say that you wouldn't start being dishonest with me now?"

"You would have a good point, had it not been for the fact that I hold myself to my standards very strictly, and I don't plan on deviating from that any time soon," he countered.

You clenched your eyes and held your hands tightly in your lap, praying that you didn't fall into a trap.

"Fine," you hissed. "I'll listen."

"Excellent," he clasped his hands in front of him. "Now which instrument do you want to listen to?"

"Don't care. So long as I can carry it." You grumbled.

"You sure?" He said and delicately put a hand on the violin. "Don't you have at least an inclination to one of them?"

"None," you answered. "Can we just hurry this up?!"

Corvin shook his head. "My, talk about impatience."

He hummed and looked at the instruments floating in the air. Taking his time inspecting them, running his hand on their surface. You knew that he was enjoying taking his time and that you could do nothing about it.

"I haven't played the flute in a while," he mused and reached out for it. Noticing you relaxing, he quickly retracted his hand.

"Actually, maybe I want to play the violin," he said. "Although I have been playing it quite a lot recently and I want to change it up a bit. So maybe the lyre instead. However, I don't think I'm at an adequate enough level to play it for such a special audience member. Or I can go with the clarinet, although I'm not particularly a big fan of it. Decisions, decisions. decisions..."

Gritting your teeth, you folded your arms underneath your chest. Corvin noticed the glare and softly laughed, he walked behind you.

"Maybe I can play an--"

"Stop stalling and pick something already!" You yelled.

"You know what? I'll go with the flute," he said and plucked the small instrument from the air. "Now please take a seat."

You obeyed, and ironed yourself for what would come next. You squeezed your hands between your thighs and chewed on the inside of your mouth.

"Now what song to play?" Corvin mused.

You were about to say 'I don't care', but stopped yourself, not wanting to give him another excuse to waste your time.

"Mary Had a Little Lamb," you said quickly.

"Seriously?" The fairy raised an eyebrow. "Why not something that's a bit more sophisticated than some silly nursery rhyme?"

"What? You aren't going to play a simple song for me!?" You exclaimed.

"My dear, I will do anything you want me to do, except for that." He answered.

"Oh for the love of-- play Moonlight Sonata!" You shouted.

"Moonlight Sonata it is," Corvin said and with a dramatic pose, he put the flute's embouchure hole to his lips.

The aria was soft and delicate as his slight fingers pressed down on the keys, a tear was starting to form in your eye from how beautiful the performance was. You felt all of the annoyance and impatience slowly sap out of you, replaced by a surreal calmness. You focused solely on the fairy, the world around you was hazy except for him. You were about to fall asleep when he finished.

"Thank you," he bowed at the waist and extended the flute towards you.

You snatched the flute from his hand and exited the music room for the last time.

---

Looking around the room, you saw that there wasn't any food items to present to the mouth. Your heart dropped, realizing that you needed to go back to either the dining room or find the kitchen. You looked at a cookie tin that sat on a dusty shelf. Hope fluttered in your heart and you opened it only to see that it was empty, except for a few small crumbs at the bottom of it.

"Damn it," you grumbled and opened the tea can next to it, only for that to also be empty. Shaking your head, you put the container back on the shelf and moved onto a taffy box.

Please, let this be the rules of three. You prayed and slowly opened it: only to find a couple of wrappers in it.

You threw back your head and growled. You threw the box at the wall and let out a string of curses. Your shoulders tensed in disappointment and dread as your stomach was twisting and boiling. Letting out a groan through your teeth, you left the room hopefully for what would be the final time.

---

After taking a few wrong turns, you finally reached the dining room once more. You reached the doorknob and braced yourself for Corvin and his taunting remarks. Sucking up a deep breath, you opened the door slowly.

To your shock and relief, he wasn't there. You closed your eyes and exhaled through your nose.

Oh thank you God. You grabbed a porcelain plate and ripped off the baked goose's leg and put a bread roll on it.

"I knew you'd eventually eat," Corvin said behind you. "Come, sit down."

You rolled your eyes and pushed past him, not wanting to put up with him for any longer. You grabbed the door handle and pulled on it, it was locked. Gritting your teeth, you pulled on it harder but it remained firmly locked.

"What? Hey, open the doors!" You demanded.

"Only after you eat," he answered and poured himself some wine.

"No," you seethed.

"Then they'll remain locked," he answered coolly.

Unless you give up.

You stood in place and glared at him, not wanting to look at the cornucopia. Putting your hands in your pockets, you leaned against the wall next to the door. The minutes started to feel like days, the delectable smells of the dinner became stronger, making your mouth water. You could almost taste the buttery skin and the soft flesh of the goose, feeling the juices bursting into your mouth as you took a bite. You clenched your jaw set and crossed your arms over your chest. Corvin turned his head towards you, a smile was dancing on his face.

"If your plan is to wait until I finally open the doors, then it's not going to work. You're just wasting time. Time that could have been used for you to look for the front door key." He laughed and took a drink from his goblet.

Clamping your jaw, you sat down in the nearest chair. Your hands reached for the fork and knife, trembling as you cut a piece of goose. You glanced at the side to see Corvin watching you as he took another sip.

"Go on then," he said.

You looked down at the plate, the glistening skin of the goose looked as if it was pulsating in the light. The smell was becoming stronger. Your heart slowly thumped as you raised the morsel closer to your mouth. Your hands were shaking more as it was now barely brushing against your lips. Clenching your eyes shut, you put it in your mouth.

Your tastebuds tingled at the savory juices and the tenderness of the meat before you greedily swallowed. Without thinking, you took another bite out of the goose without bothering to chewing it. Your hunger had over came you, and you piled your plate with every food within an arm's reach. Immediately, you scarfed down your food. You were almost done with eating when you remembered why you were here to begin with. Panic stabbed through your heart and you snapped your head at Corvin; his mischievous grin was curled up even further than before.

"Didn't I tell you that nothing will happen if you eat it?" He sipped from his goblet. "Unlike some of the more loutish of my kind, I don't like spiking or cursing my guests' food. Unless they're a political enemy, in which case, it's fair game."

"Now that I've ate, are you going to finally open those doors?" You grunted.

"Of course," he said and snapped his fingers.

Quickly, you stuffed a bread roll and the plate into your satchel.

"Are you saving that for later?" Corvin tilted his head, his eyes twinkling.

You rolled your eyes and left the dining room.

---

"Here it goes," you sighed and put the plate of food on the mouth painting's pedestal. A soft click came from the door and you walked towards it.

As you were about to reach for the doorknob, you heard the sounds of mouth smacking and heavy sniffing with flute music playing behind you. Whipping your head around, you saw that the plate of food had been eaten down the very last morsel and that the flowers in the vase were limp. The paintings were now completely black, the surface rippling ever so slightly like water.

Your breath hitched and you cautiously looked back at the door. With a shaky hand, you slowly pushed the doors open

[notthestarwar]

Yes, I love the idea of Jango being very contradictory. I kind of hc the whole clone creation plan as him being very messed up after galidraan, the spice ship ect and just kind of losing himself to his anger and grief. He agrees to it, but then he kind of immediately knows he fucked up, like this goes against all he believes in, what has he done. But then, cause its Jango, rather than being like 'OH no I need to fix this' instead he's like 'admitting I betrayed myself is pretty painful, what if instead I did some mental acrobatics to convince myself this is OK and that my hand was forced and I had no choice' and then he keeps doing that again and again sinking deeper and deeper in to denial until he's almost forgotten who he was to begin with, he's forgotten that this goes against everything he believes in.

By the time we get to aotc I think that Jango is a)completely lost b)hates himself but won't admit that and c) is waiting to die. He thinks he's outlived himself.

He's just a ball of conflict and I think that results in some really contradictory actions. Like Boba, he loves Boba and yet he's really bad for him. He loves him too much to let him go. I don't think he really feels deserving of Boba, he's pretty sure that he'll fail him and yet, he was too 'weak' (human) to say no. He wanted a son so he took Boba even though he knew he wouldn't be around to finish raising him (in one of the versions of canon he sets up this really messed up plan in which he encourages boba to seek out dangerous hunters in the event of Jango's death, with the express intention of boba learning that vulnerability is dangerous). He loves boba but he has a weird way of showing it, that's just who he is!!!

Anyway so Jango is like super contradictory. I like the idea that he is fierce in his rejection of the clones. They are not people. They are not his. (This is a self defence thing. If they aren't ppl then he hasn't failed them) but then he completely blurs the lines because he forgets this. Sometimes he is proud of them. Sometimes he does see himself in them and acts before he thinks. Which results in the clones having weird feelings about him. I think they see him kind of like one would a dad, but a really really neglectful shitty absent dad. There's that sense of hating him for being less then you deserved but also being determined to impress him. Then there's boba, the child he wanted, who's exactly the same as you, no he's worse even! He isn't enhanced and you are! But still, Jango prefers him. What if they'd picked you? What if you were Boba?

I think some clones end up hating him and some end up idolising him and some, end up wanting to hate him but really struggling to do so.

I'm just kind of fascinated by Jango tbh. I want to put him in situations and poke at him. I want to unravel all the things he's lying to himself about. I think he sees a completely different reality to the rest of the universe and I think that's fascinating. I also think that like, there's an inevitability to him. None of this had to happen but it always would have because of who Jango is, because of what the galaxy made him and because of what he made himself in trying to run from reality. Jango is the ultimate, dead from the beginning. He's walking to his death and he knows it. He's haunted by who he could have been. He does not have it in him to do right by those he loves even tho he tries

[twothpaste]

Idk if you've covered this before but what are your thoughts on Porky having a movie about Ness n pals? That scene is rapidly spinning around in my noggin

This turns my cerebral matter into a rotisserie chicken on a spit as well. Part of what's so fascinating about it I think is how much we don't know about the film. How did Porky make this thing?? Are the characters we see on screen paid actors, re-enacting the events of EarthBound for his amusement?? Or did he somehow, through timetravel shenanigans or a deranged obsession all those years ago, actually record Ness n' pals' adventures?! Did Porky himself write a script for this movie, or supervise the editing? Is it documentary or dramatization? We don't see any frames that feature Porky - one's gotta wonder how he presents himself on the silver screen. Like, did he clip out all the times he acted like a total scumbag? Did he change them, so that to an audience of suckers, the esteemed King P seems like a hero too? Or is it presented exactly as it happened, 'cause in Porky's eyes, he really was the hero of this story all along?? I feel like a dedicated fan could make a case either way for every one of these possibilities. And all of them carry haunting implications in a bazillion different ways. ( Lots more beneath the cut. )

What we do know is that this movie's mere existence says a lot about Porky's fixation on the past. New Pork especially - but other areas too - is littered with callbacks to EarthBound, loads of shallow & off-kilter recreations of objects & imagery from Porky's childhood. It's as if he's trying to resurrect everything he's nostalgic for, and superimpose it onto a totally different world. Dude's lived a bazillion years, he's probably had all kinds of crazy experiences in that time. But he's still only got eyes for Ness, and Onett, and that one very special adventure. He's grandly presenting his origin story to a generation of future-people, and presumably expects them to be just as terminally nostalgically enthralled as he is. But these people don't have the context to know what it means. They can't grasp it as anything other than a cartoonishly wacky adventure film. They probably don't even know it's depicting real events (however skewed it may or may not be)! Or that these child heroes almost definitely grew old and died ages ago. The thought of Porky putting forth something so important to him, something that means fucking everything to him - and his flock of brainwashed followers just not getting it at all - is like??? Boil me down into soup and stir the pot around. Pour me in a Campbell's can and don't open it until the end of the world. Agh.

This applies just as much, maybe especially so, to Lucas. Something about it always feels deeply unnerving to me, when I reach New Pork's movie theater on replays. Piloting Lucas n' company to stand there, in the dark, juxtaposed in front of a past they can't possibly comprehend. A past we, as players of this series, identify so strongly with! But our new protagonist flat out just isn't a part of that old world. He's got nothing to do with it, and no clue who Ness is. His fight with Porky is so present and personal… I don't think Lucas is carrying on a mantle here, even symbolically. Porky wants very badly for him to be the new Ness, a worthy opponent who'll "play" with him, to rekindle the same adrenaline he felt when he last fought his old friend. But Lucas is his own person with his own motives. And he's not playing, either. You press A in front of that screen, and you get nothing special in terms of flavor text. 'Cause it doesn't mean anything to Lucas. Porky's memories simply aren't Lucas' baggage.

There are a lot of moments in Mother 3 that turn nostalgia on its head. Makin' stuff that oughtta feel familiar and heartwarming turn queasy in your tummy instead. Making you reconsider why you cling to childhood memories, and whether or not they blind you to future possibilities - like they do for Porky. The movie theater's probably my favorite of these moments.

[sugoi-writes]

aaaaaye I edited #25 because I refuse to hear you say any part of your adorable anatomy is not adorable

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Hazel I'm gonna kick kiss??? your ass GDHDHDHDS HOW DID YOU KNOW

What are your 5 favorite songs rn?

**heavy breathing in Sleep Token** JK, Jk, here is my real answer, my love (one that does not include Ascensionism. Keep in mind my favorites shift around a lot):

Cracker Island - Gorillazs (IDONTCAREIFPEOPLEHATETHEIRNEWSOUND. IMLOVETHEM). THE BASSLINE GOES HARD. I FUCKS WITH IT)

The Loneliest - Måneskin

(THE GUITAR SOLO. ITS SO TRAGIC AND HAUNTING, THE WHOLE SONG. I Honestly think of Autumn and Alastor to it sometimes ((Yes yes, Autumn from A Doe in Fall, yes~ I just KNOW we are about to get hit where it HURTS))

Long Nights - Eddie Vedder

(I LOVE LOVE Into The Wild ((the book and movie)), and... GOSH this song soothes me in a way that is almost INSTANT. I'm talking livid tears and self destruction to catatonic. On my bad days, this song gets me to sleep. It's an Earthy song that reminds me that I'm just a person and to go Touch Grass). Could also be a good Alastor song, too, imo. Him just... Being comfortable with Long Nights, and just getting the chance to be himself when he's alone. Gdshhsjs EVERYTHING IS ALASTOR CODED IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH???

Never Meant to Know - Tally Hally

(for similar reasons as the song before; but also reminds me of one of my D&D characters!)

Danny Don't You Know - Ninja Sex Party

(HIGE dweeb/fan of NSP. This song is also just... Personal for me and wifey. It's a moral booster. Ever since I've been going by my preferred name, it just gets me more in the feels ❤️)

Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in... Hmm. How do I explain this... There's kind of a balance with the world? Equal weights of good and bad. I believe that putting good energy into the world always comes back to you somehow, but also, on that same hand, no matter how hard someone tries, the bad luck has to come back eventually. Life embs and flows, and we can't always have it good... The world just balances things back out sometimes? Ex: For every 3 good things, 3 bad things will happen. It never has to be major or anything, but like... It could be as mundane as 'I found 5 bucks in my pocket!' to 'I spilled coffee on myself'. This isn't related at all to your question FYCK MEgdhdhdhdb

Luck... Yes, luck certainly exists. Some people come by it more honestly. Some people just stumble face first into it. I also believe there are just some people who are so devastatingly unlucky. I always try to work for what I got, but you'll still find me picking up pennies when Heads is facing up. I'm always looking for a lil bit of luck (and avoiding bad luck).

Miracles, well, the fact that Earth and life on Earth exists is a miracle in itself. It's also a miracle we haven't all killed each other yet. So life is fragile, but by golly, we are lucky and fortunate to be here. Space is weird. ❤️

Do you think there is life on other planets?

I would believe it! Small organisms, plants, and similar things for sure... But, in the infinite expanse of our galaxy, there's GOTTA be a handful of idiots like us who don't know what they're doing. Or even better, an alternate reality of here (which would be neat). Hi Alternate Me!

Favorite part of my daily routine

TMI, but taking my fucking bra off. I can't wait for a possible future where I may not have to worry about that. But, aside from that, Robin, who usually makes us dinner. Shes a really good cook, imo ❤️ And, well, it's nice to see her smile when I tell her she's doing a really good job.

What part of my body am I most comfortable with

I think 'eyes' is a cop-out, so I'll go ahead and say my hair. I really do enjoy the way it is rn. It's softer, much curlier and healthier than a few years ago... BUT I definitely want to redye it to a funky color soon, haha. But if I had to say most LIKED, it would definitely be my eyes. Lmao

Probably fair you don't ask the inverse of that question, because you would be SOOOO cross with me, hehe ❤️

--

Expect similar questions asked to you, Pookie Bear 🫡❤️

[callmearcturus]

someone asked me if I knew what the Eye of the Duck for any of my fics was.

Eye of the Duck is a movie analysis podcast that's really tremendous, and revolves around this concept borrowed from David Lynch. Basically, when you look at a duck, you can look at its bill and it's feathers but if you want to understand it, you have to look into its eye. In the context of analysis, the podcast posits that the Eye of the Duck is the one scene of a movie that encapsulates everything that film is, the core of its thesis.

Okay so what the fuck are my Eyes of the Duck?

so we don't kill the ones we love: jesus this is so fucking hard i gotta come back to it

you can only take what you can carry to the edge of the sea: in "The Sixth Pentacle of Mars", the climax of Dirk's adventure is when he enters the volcano to save the island, and its explicitly something only he can do as a noble. The ailment that has haunted him his entire life and made him a pariah of society is the key to saving the first place that's ever been home to him. He is, for te entirety of the story, associated almost exclusively with water, and he tacitly becomes the water that douses the fire, the water of life.

The Eurydice Suite, 2.0: Karkat and Roxy in the neon courtyard of the labyrinthian dream. The way Karkat has spent the entire story keeping his emotions in check and just losing his cool for a moment is balanced by Roxy putting her panic and grief away to do what Karkat needs her to do. They're my faves, if it wasn't obvious.

Chamomile, rose water, and other unlikely intoxicants: Jake finding Dirk after the sacrifice. It is the death of Jake's former self and the rebirth of him into a vengeful man who has put away his childish things to affect destiny itself. Chamomile is about many deaths.

gushing gold: I HAVE NO IDEA, I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT AND NOTHING COMES TO MIND.

out here the good girls die: that moment when Rose tacitly offers Karkat sex in return for him finding her brother and instead Karkat embraces her and gives her a chance to cry. As much as that story is a romance between Karkat and Dave, it's also a different kind of romance between Karkat and Rose, and in many ways Rose's trust is harder won.

ready to start the conquest of spaces: idk this one feels obvious to me, but it's Vriska's one and only scene in the story. I'm a Leftist that is tired of the specific twitter-poisoning of my comrades, and the revenant AU is very much about that. While the Alternia of the revenant AU is better than canon, its problems are still present, and its a reflection of the idea "Okay but when The Revolution happens, who will take care of the worst person you know?"

all the world is earth and water: The Bread Scene. I thought it might be the scene where Karkat explains to Dave that all the things in his care are whole and kept, that that's his right, but really: its about the Bread. That's what the whole story is about.

a steady hand, a delicate man: ODD CHOICE I AM SURE but the moment Martin observes Jon giving Daisy the apology bouquet after he failed to safeword out of the scene.

dustsceawung: The held reveal of Martin's white hair, how the Weaver took the color of his hair from him and how it acts as an instantly, unshakeable marker that he is fae-touched. The story is very much about the things people refuse to say, from the moment Martin carefully doesn't introduce himself to Gerry all the way to the end.

SWDKTOWL: okay I cannot escape it any longer. What the fuck is the Eye of the Duck of KTOWL? I am torn between two options. First, the Act Two Finale and the specific way Karkat handles the confrontation with Aranea. Karkat's entire purpose in the story is that he refuses to play by the same rules as everyone else, and when he's facing Aranea, his trust in Kanaya is what saves his life. IF NOT THAT then... It is the conversation Jake and Karkat have before Karkat is knocked out in the penultimate chapter. That is the Eye of the Duck. I think.

THAT'S ALL I GOT. And i'm probably wrong on a lot of these BUT great question.

[waltwhitmansbeard]

(pretend i'm sending this from my fic sideblog) for the hospital prompts: 15, "I'm gonna die here", vaxleth (or alternatively vex & vax)

15. "I'm gonna die here." let's put this in grow with the flow!

It isn't until this very moment that Vax realizes that they don't have a clock in their apartment. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, staring straight forward, wishing that there was some kind of steady ticking that he could match his breaths to, but instead there is only the uneven purring of the oblivious cat on his pillow and the erratic rhythm of the dryer, her jeans and his t-shirts and their socks twirling around in a dance that smells like lavender and home. He sits, and he waits, and she paces, back and forth, back and forth, nowhere to go, really, not in their studio crammed with plants and a podcasting setup.

Their studio. Hardly enough room for the two of them (and yet always the perfect amount, the way their lives have slotted together like fingers of two hands), always tripping over shoes or trowels or cat toys, and what, is there just gonna be another person now? More clothes, more furniture, more food? (All small. So very small.) They can't afford that, not with rent prices and the job market being what it is. This is the nightmare scenario, in more ways that one.

(A nightmare, because he feels it, distant and haunting, the ghost he didn't realize was just behind him in the mirror. The want. He watches her pace, arms tight across her chest, and imagines what she might look like in two months, five, nine, and he wants the mess and the stress and the blooming love, quick and tenacious, like a wildflower sprouting up from a crack in the sidewalk. It is a sharp shock to the system, to want so acutely something, to know that whatever happens in these next endless minutes, heartbreak is waiting for him, the monster in the dark.)

"I'm gonna die here."

Her quiet voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He forces himself to smile. "You're being dramatic."

She does not find him amusing. "The waiting is going to kill me."

He should ask her. It isn't until this very moment that he realizes that they haven't actually talked about it, what they're hoping for, what they're afraid of. There is every chance that they are not on the same page on this, and now the want is curdling, souring on the edges with fear and doubt. He should ask her, but his tongue is thick, heavy, and so he just stares as she paces, back and forth, back and forth.

When the alarm on her phone goes off, they both jump as if they'd been shot. She comes to a standstill, arms still crossed, and they stare at each other from across the apartment. One of them has to move first.

He stands. He walks to the desk, even though she's closer, and looks down. She breathes in sharply, as if just the act of looking at it has determined something that wasn't already true.

Oh.

"You're not pregnant."

The words hang in the air, swollen clouds before a storm. He stares at it, at the words—he didn't know these things had actual words now, almost wishes he had that moment of confusion, of trying to interpret the faint lines—and reads them, over and over and over.

The sidewalk flower of want stretches up higher, twists its stem around his throat and chokes him.

He looks up at her, and the expression on her face is staggering. Her eyes are wider than he's ever seen them, glittering with a wave of tears teetering on the precipice of spilling down her frozen cheeks. He jolts forward, collecting her trembling limbs into his arms just as she lets go, a shocked sob ripping from her chest.

"I—I'm sorry," she half-whispers, half-shouts, her face buried into the crook of his neck. Her tears are hot, slipping down his skin into his t-shirt. "I—didn't think—"

"Shhh." He strokes her hair down her back, presses his cheek into the side of her head. "Me neither. Me neither." And though their hearts are breaking, there is relief in knowing that they were on the same page, after all.

When her shaking subsides, he gently pulls her head away, a hand on each cheek, to look her right in the eyes. "Now we know, yeah?" She sniffs. "Now we know we want it. And maybe now isn't the right time. Maybe it wasn't meant to be today. But I love you, and I want a family with you, and I know we're going to make it happen, okay?" She nods. "Tell me you believe it."

"I believe it," she whispers, and he kisses her to seal the deal.