#i don't know!! i don't know the point of this post besides it's just heartbreaking all around

[cementcornfield]

i have soooo many emotions today's game 😭 because on the one hand there really aren't any stakes, we can't do anything with a win. and honestly it would probably be better for us to lose so we have a better position in the draft. but at the same time how could you root for a loss when it's likely tyler boyd's last game?? after everything he's done for the team surely we want him to have a huge game!! and how pathetic would it be to lose anyway against a team made up entirely of 2nd and 3rd string (5th string??? for their qb??) browns players!

and don't even get me started about how tee isn't playing. he's hurt of course, i don't blame him. but none of us knew watching last week that it could have potentially been his last game with us 😭 the chiefs loss being the last game with the big three!!! and we lost!!!

[littlelightfish]

Holm nation... I have a heartbreaking announcement to make.

We didn't get to see this panels animated.

(I wanted to see Laios helping him, this one isn't the one this post is all about)

I feel it's important to his character enough that Kui decided to dedicate three panels about how he aproaches and resurrects Kabru.

He is used to resurrecting people, his party sucks at keeping themselves alive. He walks up to Kabru's corpse with a worried look on his face. Then he kneels besides him and takes a second to process what he is seeing. He is seeing a young man, Kabru, dead. It makes him feel unseasy, a bit of shock that he can't take the luxury of process at the moment. He doesn't want to look, so he closes his eyes and focuses on his spell. He is realizing he is the only one alive from his party (he doesn't know where Mick is or how he is). He is the last one standing. The reality of it all slaps him in the face.

The panel of him just... looking at the mess Kabru's corpse is was just... It was important. It talked about him as a character. "I'm not doing this because I want to, but because I have to". He doesn't has time for emotions. He has a job to do.

It's just three panels. But they provide lots of context between the ones that came before and after.

He doesn't just rubs Kabru's head because he's being afective. He does it because he cares. He does it out of relief. "As long as I'm here, any of you'll be dying soon. And I'll always be here. Don't worry." He is far from being OK after all this. Marillier died, Daya died, Kuro died, Kabru died, Rin died, Mick probably died too (but he doesn't saw it). He... By the time he was the only one standing, the fight was over, and he could alredy resurrect them. He wants to feel sad. To worry, to be concerned, to mourn. But he can't. It isn't necessary.

He is a cleric. He for sure has a notion of dead way different than anyone and feels a certain way about resurrection. "Dying is dying, even if you resurrect." It's a bug at the corner of his mind, he doesn't pay it any attention. He gets resurrected multiple times, he is gratefull he is alive. But seeing all his friends dead? And the most of them mutilated? Covered in their own blood? He has this desire to mourn. To cry the loss. To panic. "They are all dead."

He knows they'll come back. He has to make them come back. So he does. And they are alive. But they weren't a few seconds ago. And he just plays it off, he puts his calm face on as soon as there is another party member alive that could ask him what happened that it disturbed him so much. He throws all those sad feelings under the rug and focuses at the task at hand.

They're going to be ok, he just has to do his job: bring them back from death. They shouldn't even be dead. But they are. And he's going to fix it. No point on feeling sad about them dying if they can be alive soon!

I think the concern that the anime puts here it's something that could come close to what he feels inside. Those seconds are the only ones we see him looking something akin to worried for his friends.

But then...

His worry vanishes in seconds. The moment Kabru revives, he does it in such a "Kabru" way, that he tells himself: "This is fine, they're going to be back soon, nothing to worry about, I just have to hurry". He wants them all back to live. We know for sure that in his priority list there wasn't any "reviving Toshiro's party members first". He was going to make sure all his party, all his friends, were alive before even thinking of resurrecting other people if he still had the magic.

Those three panels they didn't animate are something that was there for a reason. To give depth to Holm. This last episode is definitely the one in wich he shines the most. He isn't the main character at all this episode, but he does the most important stuff on the background. He revives them all. This all lack of something if you don't show what Kuy drew on those panels.

Here he just... goes to work. He says: "lemme handle it" and he does. No concern, no worry, no, nothing. He just does. No thoughts.

It makes me sad. Those panels were important. :(

[torturedtypewritersdept]

proclivity - part three - true blue

✯ pairing:

ex!bff!rafe cameron x diabetic!kook!fem!reader

✯ summary:

at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?

✯ [4.1k] warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!

You didn’t want to – really you didn’t. The idea of you and Rafe being alone at a spot – your spot – a place, the place, that you hadn’t shared in close to two years was suffocating to say the least. You have continuously pressed replay on all the world’s worst scenarios; all the things that could go horribly wrong, that would surely break your heart into a million pieces all over again. Your feet feel clucky as they trudge through the sand and like the water that meets the land on the other side, you feel rushed into you; like the waves of a tsunami are crashing against the wall you’ve placed around your heart, the barriers are so close to breaking and they do as soon as you see him. He’s sitting, just past a sand dune, his shirt has been discarded and his hair is wet. 

“Hey, hot shot – you've been swimming without me?” 

You ask with a forced cheek. He only responds with his signature smirk. It was quiet, awkward for a moment. You couldn’t help but feel like you were being punked as you sat down beside him, his feet digging holes in the sand. You couldn’t remember the last time the notion of him being this close had crossed your mind or even seemed within reach. Which probed your next question to the boy sitting next to you. 

“Rafe.”

“Yeah?”

He questioned, with a smile on his face. 

“Can you tell me now?” 

You asked anxiously, ready for the blow of what you knew was coming – he was going to tell you why he left and you were sure that it was because of you after all. That’s the only thing that made sense in your brain. You watch him anxiously, intently as he shuffles, bringing his hand up to his hair to swoop his long locks out of his face and behind his ears. 

“Yeah, I guess I owe you that don’t I, pretty girl?” 

You’re on edge as you hear your old namesake leave his lips. He moves his hands behind him, leaning back into the sand. His skin feels hot against it, he notes. He swallows thickly and opens his mouth to speak. 

“You know I was different after my mom died, right?” 

You’re taken aback by his question – of course you know. She was the fucking sun and he’s just fucking like her; his cheeks and eyes – they belong to her. He belonged to her and it physically pains you to see him lose it after she’s passed away. You remember it all but mostly the way the bright left the blue hue of his eyes in the same moment the breath left her body. It makes your bones hurt to think about it still. 

“Yeah – how could I forget? I was too, we all were.” 

You said quickly. 

“I kept it well hidden then – until I couldn’t anymore, until I didn’t have a choice.” 

He’d replayed how he was going to tell you in his head over and over, over the last two years and finally came to the conclusion that he never ever would. But, now – at the prospect of having you within his reach again, he’s sure he’s going to spill his guts any moment. 

“Can you spit it out, drama queen?” 

You said with annoyance. So he blurted it out – rather frantically. 

“I was on drugs, okay!” 

He shouted. There was silence for a moment, you – too shell shocked to reply. 

“Look – I know you’re perfect and you’ve never done anything wrong in your life, okay? I’m sorry.” 

His eyes go dull as he braces himself for your judgemental glare. 

“What?” 

You ask in a too small voice. He doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet for a moment. 

“I was on drugs. Nobody knew. Then, I owed Barry a massive amount of money and he knew I loved you more than anyone, alright? So I had to cut ties.” 

He said very matter-of-factly. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You whispered and the ocean breeze made him suddenly cold, or maybe your tone of voice sent a chill up his spine. He’s truly not sure which. 

“What do you have to be sorry about, y/n?” 

He asked confusedly. 

“Not being enough – not being good enough for you to come to me and tell me the truth, that you didn’t feel like you could come to me.” 

The crack in your voice as you finished talking cut him straight to his core.     

“Pretty girl, it’s not like that, okay? I was trying to protect you.” 

Again, there was silence for a little while before either of you spoke. Rafe was trying to find the words; the ones to make you understand that you weren’t to blame. 

“You’re not messing with me, right?”

You asked suddenly. 

“What do you mean?” 

He questioned, confusedly. 

“I mean, you actually want to be near me again? You’re not messing with me?” 

You asked innocently, feeling far too insecure for his answer to be anything other than yes. 

“Of course, I want to be near you. I never wanted to stop being near you. It was just easier to cut everyone out than to explain my pain to someone else. I didn’t want to face all the disappointment either.” 

You swallowed thickly and he noticed. 

“I’m sorry. I always just assumed it was me, that I had done something.” 

You whispered, almost inaudibly. But, he heard you, loud and clear. 

“What? What could you possibly have done?” 

He asked incredulously. 

“I-I don’t know.” 

You looked down at your feet, afraid of what he was going to say next, not wanting this intimacy with him to become foreign and far off again. He gently lifted your chin so your eyes could meet his. 

“You never did anything wrong and this is not a game. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

He reassured you gently. 

“I appreciate you reassuring me, but it’s going to take a lot more than words for me to trust you again and I think you know that.” 

You replied, giving him the kindest smile you could muster up. It wasn’t your intention to be rude or mean to him, you just needed him to know where you stood. 

“I know. I’m sorry that I broke your trust, but I hope you know I’m going to spend every day trying to make things right between us.” 

“Okay, Cameron.”

You smiled nudging his shoulder. You made your way back to the parking lot with Rafe, not long after the conversation fizzled out. 

“Well, I think I’m gonna head home. This was fun.” 

You said with a sweet smile. 

“Let me drive you, I know you walked, you always walk here.”  

Rafe spoke, excitement in his voice. 

“Okay.” 

You agreed to his idea, smiling kindly his way, following him to the truck you had made your home ever since he had gotten his license. He was the first of the two of you to be able to drive and you had taken full advantage of that, waiting for him after football practices and in the early morning so he could cart you everywhere you needed to go. That was the first thing you missed when he had left you - the intimate car rides, where you experienced a version of Rafe that no one else got to. He opened the door for you, ushering you into the passenger seat and closing it once he made sure you were inside and comfortable. Making his way around to the driver’s side, he took his keys out of his pocket and climbed in, starting the truck. The engine roared, sending vibrations through your spine. It felt euphoric to be here, alone with him. Which was something you had dreamed about for so long. He pulled out of the beach parking lot, hands steady on the wheel, and began the trek to his neighborhood. Tannyhill had become your second home over the years, whether it was play dates with Rafe when you were six or trying on clothes with Sarah when you were fifteen, the Camerons were your family and you were thankful that your favorite one was seated next to you, a backward baseball cap sitting on his head and strong arms fixed on the wheel. You’d never get over the view. 

“Y/N?”

He spoke your name with a question in mind. 

“Yeah?”

You smiled in his direction. 

“Would you wanna come to dinner tomorrow at Tannyhill?”

He asked gently. 

“Sure, you know I never pass up Rose’s cooking! What’s the occasion?” 

You questioned with a giggle, it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

“Just having you back, I guess.” 

He smiled sheepishly. 

“That’s sweet, Rafe.” 

You spoke softly, the blush coating your freckled cheeks. 

“Your parents are going to be there, so I figured you could just join them and we can have a big family dinner.” 

“Why are my parents going to be there?”

You questioned, confused at his comment. 

“Uh, Ward said he and your dad are working on some big business project or something.” 

He replied, not really knowing the answer to what you were asking. He had no idea what the two men were up to. 

“Ah, okay. Sure, Rafe, I’d love to come. How fancy do I have to dress, 1-10 on the fancy scale?” 

The laugh that escaped his lungs was boisterous. You and Rafe had created the fancy scale after you got bitched out by your dad’s for not dressing appropriately for Midsummer’s in the eighth grade and ever since you always warned each other of the fancy level parties or dinners would be. 

“A solid 5.” 

He retorted a laugh ever-present on his lips. He forgot how much you made him laugh and how good it felt. He was brought out of his thoughts as he pulled into the driveway, spotting your car sitting right next to your dad’s. 

“This has been fun! I missed you.” 

You spoke softly and a smile danced across Rafe’s features. 

“I missed you too, Y/N.” 

Your eyes studied his face, looking for any inkling of deception. There were none, at least not that you could see. His eyes met yours, locking in on your face and not looking away. You swallowed thickly, unsure of what to do. Having his full attention was not something you were used to anymore. 

“Thank you, Rafe. I seriously had a really good time tonight. We will do a movie night soon.” 

“Of course, you’re still my favorite girl.” 

He smiled kindly, ushering you over to your front door, lingering for moments longer than he should have, but not wanting to let you out of your sight. 

- 

Your phone rang early the next morning and as you groaned loudly, willing whoever was making your phone ring at 7 am to die, you read the contact. It was Topper. Your sluggish fingers slowly but surely slid across the screen to see what in God’s name your best friend wanted this early. 

“H-hello?”

You grumbled. 

“Wake your ass up!” 

Topper yelled into the phone. 

“T-top. I’m about three seconds from killing you. Why are you screaming into my phone so early?” 

You questioned with annoyance. 

“Get up and get dressed. We’re outside your house.” 

He said plainly. 

“Who’s we? And for what? It’s fucking 7 am?!” 

“Don’t be grumpy, princess. We just want to spend the day with your sexy little self.” 

Kelce interjected. 

“Kelce, please shut up. I’m not awake enough for your bullshit attempts at flirting with me.” 

You grumbled with a sneer behind that phone that he couldn’t see. 

“Damn, you’re a spitfire today!” 

Topper exclaimed, laughing. 

“I was up late, okay? Jesus Christ.” 

You couldn’t believe he was being so mean to you this early in the day. 

“Okay, well get up, get dressed and pack insulin and some snacks. We’re going to be gone all day.” 

He replied. 

“Top, I can’t. I have this dinner with Rafe tonight, I can’t be gone all day.” 

You were nervous to be saying anything to Topper about it at all, he knew your history with Rafe better than anyone. But, you knew you had to tell him the truth. 

“Listen, idiot, Rafe is with us. So, come on. We’ll have you both back at Tannyhill in time for your dinner, so either pack a dress or wear one. You’re not missing this.” 

You rolled your eyes, but your heart leapt at hearing you were going to spend the day with Rafe by your side whether it was in a group setting or not. 

“Fine, I’m coming, Topper! Jesus.” 

You said, feigning annoyance. 

“Told you she’s not a morning person.”

Rafe interjected, giggling. 

You grinned to yourself, realizing you were going to get to spend an entire day and night with Rafe. Scurrying out of bed, you searched through your closet in a hurry and settled on wearing a baby blue sundress with white polka dots that Rafe got you for your birthday the summer before you started high school. He always said that baby blue was your color. You slid it on quickly, pairing it with white platform sneakers and some dainty gold jewelry. You fluffed your hair and quickly packed your insulin after changing your insulin pump site and choosing a new area of your stomach to plunge the needle into. You ran through the kitchen, grabbing a few snacks and some juice to throw in your bag. Before walking out the door to Topper’s jeep, you stopped, took a breath, and smoothed your dress and hair before stepping out of the house and opening the back passenger door, hopping in, to be met with a very tired Rafe Cameron. 

“Hey, sweet cheeks! Are you done being an asshole? I need my morning kiss.” 

Kelce gave you a sly smirk and Rafe chuckled to himself, knowing pushing your buttons this early was not a good idea. 

“Kelceo, Fuck off!” 

You exclaimed with a growl, letting him know you weren’t in the mood. 

“Fine, I’ll chill. Can you blame me? Look at that dress.” 

He continued his train of putting his foot in his mouth. 

“Kelce, cool it, man.” 

Rafe spoke, his tone laced with warning. His protective nature made you smile. 

“So, what’s so important that you drug me out of bed at 7 am on a Saturday?” 

You questioned Topper. 

“My mom set us up on a tour of UNC like months ago and I forgot to tell you until this morning.” 

He replied nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t absolutely unhinged to let you know the morning of – in a way that only Topper knows how. 

“Topper, I’m going to kill you.” 

You muttered. You truly couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday, your three favorite boys, and a four-hour-long road trip. Truthfully, what could go wrong? 

You were brought out of your thoughts by Rafe’s hand touching your elbow. 

“Y/N?”

He was saying your name in question again. 

“Sorry, I was zoned out. What’s up?” 

You asked. 

“Have you eaten yet?” 

He asked in a gentle, hushed tone not wanting to draw everyone's attention to the two of you. 

“No.” 

You replied just as quietly. 

“Go ahead and eat, okay? I read that being up on your feet all day can be hard on your body.” 

You were shell shocked for just a second – he cared enough to read about what your life is like?

“You’ve been reading about diabetes?”

You questioned. 

“Of course I have, you’re my favorite girl.” 

He said it again. 

“Thanks, Rafe. That’s so sweet.” 

He smiled in response and watched as you took the banana out of your bag and began to eat it. When you finished, Topper was pulling into a gas station and asked you to come in with him to pick out some snacks while Rafe and Kelce pumped gas. As you made your way inside, rummaging through the aisles of various snacks, Topper began the inevitable best friend questioning that you knew was bound to happen eventually. 

“So, you and Cameron, huh?”

He teased, knowing your history of being in love with him since you were six. 

“I don’t think he feels that way. I’m just happy to have him back.” 

You gave Topper a kind smile. 

“So, what happened? I mean was there a conversation? Did he at least apologize?” 

“Yeah, Top. He did.” 

You said, matter-of-factly. 

“Y/N, if you don’t tell me everything right now, I’m going to fucking combust.” 

He said with urgency as he giggled. 

“Okay, okay. Jesus! So, we met up at our spot the day after the party and he told me the truth. I have a feeling that it’s not all of it, but he seemed genuine and i’m assuming it’ll all come out in layers over time.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

He questioned with curiosity. 

“Because it seemed like there was more to the story, more to tell. I got a very shrunken down version.” 

You replied.

“Well, if you need me to beat his ass I will. You just let me know.” 

He spoke with a devilish smirk that you knew meant he was both serious and joking. 

“Thanks, Top.” 

You laughed. 

“Of course, you know I always have your back.” 

He replied, snaking an arm around your shoulders. 

“Anyways, so we talked about the drugs and why he felt like he couldn’t talk to me, and then he told me he was sorry and he wanted to be friends again. He drove me home and asked me to come to dinner tonight at Tannyhill. I said, yes, so here we are. Oh, and I told him about me being sick at the party-”

“You did what?!” 

You were cut off with an incredulous question and raised eyebrows from Topper. 

“Yeah, I told him a little about getting sick when we ended things and he didn’t even run like I thought he would.” 

You said with a soft, sweet smile. Topper couldn’t remember the last time he had seen you smile like that. 

“I told you he wouldn’t. He loves you.” 

He replied easily, the truth of the words flew out of his mouth so effortlessly. 

“Yeah, we’ll see. I’m not 100% on board yet. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then he runs away again.” 

Topper shrugged, he couldn’t disagree with your reservations after the last couple years you’d had. You’d been through so much. All he wanted was to see you happy and he knew if the timing was right Rafe would treat you so well. He’d truly changed. 

“That’s understandable and valid. Just don’t write him off yet. He might surprise you.” 

He said with an easy smile. 

“Thanks, Top.” 

The two of you shared a hug after exiting the convenience store, with snacks in hand. As you made your way back to the jeep, Rafe admired your form, watching the wind raking through the skirt of your dress. 

“Welcome back, pretty girl. Are you ready for our morning kiss, yet?” 

Kelce asked again, sweetly this time. He was starting to get on your nerves. 

“Kelceo, cool it.” 

Topper stated, climbing into the driver's seat. Kelce was annoying everyone today, kidding or not. 

You climbed into the backseat again, plopping down next to Rafe. His sparkling blue eyes took in your smiling form as you tore into a bag of popcorn. 

“How are you feeling, sweet girl?” 

Rafe questioned, studying your form with his piercing blue eyes. Sweet girl. You hadn’t heard that in a long time and it felt warm against your ears.

“I’m feeling pretty good right now. But, my sugar is low.” 

You smiled in his direction. 

“How do you know it’s low?” 

He asked with genuine curiosity. 

“I have this app on my phone, see.” 

You turned your phone screen around, which displayed your glucose monitor’s readings. Your blood sugar was low, reading 76 mg/dL. Which was not low enough to warrant panic, but also not high enough to be considered normal.  

“So, if 76 is low, what’s considered normal?” 

Rafe probed in a genuinely curious fashion.

“Generally, the goal is to keep the daytime blood sugar levels before meals between 80 and 130 mg. But, after-meal numbers are a little bit higher but shouldn’t be more than 180 mg.” 

You explained simply. 

“Oh, okay. That makes sense. Will you tell me if you start to feel bad?” 

He questioned. It made you smile that you seemed to be falling back into your rhythm so easily. 

“I won’t have to. You’ll know. But, I promise I will.” 

You gave him a reassuring smile and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. The touch, though short-lived, was electric and you wondered if he felt it too. The music topper was playing lulled you to sleep all of thirty minutes into the road trip and you were beginning to stir as soon as he pulled into the UNC visitor’s parking lot.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.” 

Rafe ran his fingers through your hair, scratching it in a circular motion. Your favorite way to wake up. When you opened your eyes, you jolted up, embarrassed, realizing your head was on Rafe’s shoulder and drool was pooling at the corner of your mouth, dripping onto the gray t-shirt he was wearing. You turned your head towards him with apologetic eyes as you took in his face, the sweet disposition oozing out of him, as his eyes smiled at you before his mouth did. 

“I’m sorry I drooled on you.”

You spoke sheepishly. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Not the first time, definitely won’t be the last.” 

He chuckled, giving you his classic Rafe Cameron smile before getting out of Topper’s jeep and making his way to the passenger side to open yours for you. As you began to climb out of the car, he picked up your bag, carrying it for you. 

“Thanks, Rafe. You don’t have to carry it, though.”

You said, beaming up at him. 

“You look so pretty today, I think I’d do anything you asked of me.” 

He blurted out without thinking and your eyes went wide as your cheeks filled with a blush. 

“You are so sweet, Rafe. Thank you.” 

He nodded and smiled your way, yet again. 

“I’ll carry it. It will make me feel better if you have a glucose emergency if I know where it is.” 

He stated, matter-of-factly, as he placed the brown leather backpack on his shoulder. His words created a flutter in your stomach. 

“Okay, losers! Come on, we gotta check-in at the visitor’s center.” 

Topper remarked. You and Rafe began following him and Kelce to the front of the building. Topper quickly went inside and left the three of you waiting on the steps as he went to collect your program information, campus maps, and name tags. When he came back out of the door, he handed each of you your designated packets of information and began explaining what the game plan was. 

“Okay, so in each of these packets is information specific to your major. Y/N and Rafe, you’re in a group and then me and Kelce are in a group because our majors and buildings are on the same sides of campus. Go through the packet, it’s got a scavenger hunt and then instructions for meeting the bigger tour group after lunch. We will see you guys then.” 

He finished what he was saying and Rafe was already moving, ready to get away from Topper and Kelce and celebrate his alone time with you. 

“Okay, sounds good.” 

Rafe spoke, taking the packet of information from Topper’s hands, and turning to you with a smile. 

“You ready?” 

He questioned with a smile. 

“As I'll ever be, lead the way, Cameron.” 

You gestured to the sidewalk in front of you, beaming up at his tall form, opting to go the opposite direction of Kelce and Topper. 

Topper and Kelce quickly scurried off, putting you and Rafe alone again, finally. You love the other two stooges with every fiber of your being, but you’d always loved Rafe more. If soulmates were a thing, he was yours in a platonic way of course, because there’s no way he felt about you the way you felt about him. You were okay with that. Rafe in any way, shape, or form was enough for you, as long as you had him in some way, you’d be okay. As Rafe began talking to you, you were brought out of your daydream. 

“So, what do you want to hit first, the football field?” 

He asked sarcasm present in his tone, though playful and innocent. 

“Sure, if you’re gonna be playing here, we should check it out first.” 

You gave him a small smile. 

“Are you thinking about coming here in all seriousness?” 

“Yeah, I was offered a full scholarship for cheer and academics pending my final grades next year.” 

“What?! That’s amazing, Y/N!” 

“Thanks, Rafe. I wish my brother thought so.” 

“What do you mean? Hasn’t he wanted you to go to UNC like forever?” 

He asked, confusion ever-present in his voice. 

“I mean, yeah. He’s just been different ever since I got sick.” 

“What do you mean?”

He questioned. 

“It’s like most of the time, I’m a bug he’s trying to swat away.” 

You replied with nonchalance, though Rafe could register the pain in your voice. 

“Maybe he just worries about you?” 

He asked, suggestively. 

“Maybe. I don’t know. You’ll see tonight what I mean.” 

You muttered. 

“Well if it makes you feel any better, we’ll be here together. At UNC, I mean.” 

He said with a sweet smile. 

“Really?!” 

The joy that riddled your face made Rafe smile. 

“Yeah, I’ve got some scouts coming to see me play in the fall and I’m excited. UNC is my dream school, though. So even if I have to be a walk-on or not play at all, I’ll still be coming here. They’ve already given me a scholarship.” 

“As they should, Mr. Valedictorian.” 

You smiled brightly at him. 

“Hey, how do you know I’m valedictorian?!” 

He chuckled but was surprised. He had never talked to anyone about his class standing. 

“Well, I did some digging after realizing I was second in our class, and to my surprise, my favorite Cameron was the one that beat me out.” 

You gave him a sly smile. 

“Since when am I your favorite Cameron?” 

He asked jokingly, though the notion made his heart soar. 

“Since always.” 

“Oh, come on! You and Sarah have been thick as thieves for the last two years.” 

“Maybe. Sarah’s always been a good friend to me. Topper and Kelce too. But, you’ve always been number one in my heart, I hope you know that.” 

The kindness exuded from your eyes. You meant every word. 

“You’re something else, you know that.” 

He chuckled, but you suddenly felt like you had said the wrong thing, swallowing thickly. He observed your form, realizing where your mind had gone. 

“No, no, I mean that in a good way. There’s just no one like you. You’ve always been just so perfect. It’s hard to measure up.” 

“It’s a facade, trust me.” 

You spoke, rolling your eyes at the notion that anything that had anything to do with you was in the same category as perfect. You were brought out of your thoughts as the two of you made your way to the entrance of the football field, following other students into the gates. Rafe looked on in awe at what would be his stomping grounds in just a few short years, his eyes sparkled as he daydreamed about the baby blue uniform he’d get to wear with his name and number sewn into the back. He’d get to matter here. He’d get to be somebody other than Ward Cameron’s son. He’d hope to make you his girl, here. But, quickly pushed that thought down as you began speaking to him. 

“What? Are you imagining all of your fans screaming your name? All the girls throwing themselves at you?”

You chuckled. 

“Nope. Just one.” 

“Shutup! Who is it, Cameron? You have to tell me!” 

“You’ll know soon enough, you know how bad I am with secrets.” 

You giggled and its music to his ears. 

“Boy do I! Remember that time in second grade when we brought that puppy to my house from the street and we were only able to hide it from my mom for three hours before you blabbered?!” 

“Not my best secret-keeping moment.”

He chuckled, remembering that day with you. Your soft curls that too often fell on your face and the look of pure fear in your eyes when your mom found out about the puppy. 

“That was a good day.” 

You spoke softly. 

“Yeah, it was.” 

The two of you stood side by side, Rafe’s shoulders towering over you, as you both looked onto the field that would be your home for four years. Excitement stirred in your gut at the chance to get out of the Outer Banks, out of Kildare fucking county with your best friends in the entire world and you simply, couldn’t wait. You hoped the next two years would fly by so you could get out of your hometown, finally fall in love, and forget that Kooks and Pogues even existed. 

“Okay, Cameron. Let’s go check out the buildings where our classes will be.” 

“Sounds good, pretty girl.” 

He smiled at you and placed his hand on the small of your back as he led you out of the stadium and back to the quad. Once you made it away from the large crowd inhabiting the stadium, you probed Rafe with another question. 

“So, what are you majoring in, big guy?” 

“I haven’t fully decided. Dad wants me to be a business and marketing major, but I am really into the idea of English lit. What about you?” 

“I’m English Literature with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in entrepreneurship.” 

“Nice! What do you want to do with that?” 

He probed, curious about your career path. 

“I’m not sure, yet. Maybe teach English or become a writer. All I know is that writing and reading makes me feel alive and I’d like to chase that high as long as I can.” 

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”

You instantly recognized the words he was stringing together into a sentence. 

“Rafe Cameron, are you quoting Dead Poets Society to me?” 

You smiled so widely at him. This version of Rafe was different. It was one you had seen glimpses of over the years, but this one, he was your person. You were sure of it. 

“Don’t all the guys you talk to do that?” 

“What? Do you mean the ever-so-educated JJ Maybank who cares about feelings and reading? Yeah, no. I can’t say that they do.” 

You scoffed into a laugh at Rafe’s joke slash question. 

“Okay, that’s fair.” 

He said, letting out a boisterous belly laugh. 

“Let’s go look at the Business Administration building first.” 

You suggested and Rafe agreed with your idea. Since you both would have classes in both buildings, it truly didn’t matter which you explored first. As you made your way to the building across the quad, your phone started dinging. Your stupid blood sugar, ruining things again. 

“What’s that noise?” 

Rafe questioned. 

“It’s my glucose monitor on my phone. It’s low again.” 

You looked on at him, defeated. He gently lifted your bag off of his shoulders and took your phone out and looked down at the readings. 76 mg, way too low for his comfort and probably for yours too. 

“It’s 76 mg, Y/N. What do I need to do?” 

“Look for anything in my bag with carbs and I'll check again in 15 minutes.” 

You reply without the urgency that Rafe is feeling. 

“Okay, let’s sit down for the time being. You don’t look like you feel great.” 

He motioned to the bench, just off the sidewalk, close to the arboretum. He knew you wanted to see it before you left campus today, so this was the perfect spot. 

“I’m okay, just sluggish. I thought I was just tired from last night.” 

You let Rafe lead you to sit, his hand on the small of your back. You took his hand as he motioned you down onto the bench and he felt you shaking. Rafe looked through the bag, examining its contents, quickly. 

“Okay, there’s bread and a banana. Which is better?” 

“Give me the bread. It’s this banana nut bread I make every week.” 

“You amaze me you know that?” 

He gave you a soft smile and unwrapped the bread from the Ziploc bag it sat in, handing it to you. 

“Thank you, Rafe, really, it means the world to have you here and to have your help.” 

“Anything for you, I mean that. Are you thirsty?” 

“Yeah, there’s water in there, too.” 

He nodded, reaching back into the bag to retrieve the water bottle and handing it to you. 

“After we get your levels back up, let’s go into the arboretum, and then we will grab some lunch.” 

“Sure, thanks, Rafe. I love the Arboretum here, it’s so beautiful!” 

“Yeah, I know. You’ve only been talking about visiting it since we were ten.” 

“You remember that?” 

“I remember everything you tell me.” 

You blushed at his confession. You sat there, just chatting back and forth for the fifteen minutes it took for the food to settle before you checked your blood sugar again. Rafe pulled your phone back out of your bag and looked at the screen. 100 mg. We’re back in business baby!

“88 mg, back to normal, pretty girl.” 

He spoke, blush coating your cheeks and you watched the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile. 

“Thanks, Rafe. You’ve been so good about all of this. It scares most people.” 

You thank him sheepishly. 

“I’m not most people, you know that.” 

He stood up from the bench, placing your backpack on his shoulders once more, and gently took your hand in his, lifting you to your feet. He led you to the sidewalk and you began your trek to the arboretum, his hand on the small of your back once again. You tried not to read too much into his hands constantly being close to you, you and Rafe had always had an intimate relationship that was very hands-on. As you made your way toward the greenhouse, you felt a raindrop hit your nose and before your brain could process what your orbs had just taken in, the bottom of the sky fell out and rain poured from the sky. The same way your eyes leaked when you and Rafe had stopped speaking. As the rain-drenched your clothes, you and Rafe shared a mischievous look, before he grabbed your hand and you both took off running toward your destination. It seemed like you had been running forever when you made it inside the doors of the greenhouse. Once you finally shook the water off of your bodies, reminiscent of a wet dog shaking his fur violently, you had a minute to take Rafe in. The light from the lightning lit up his drenched features. He took his baseball cap off, shaking it out and ringing out the water from his shirt. As he turned to look at you, you moved into him, eyes locking with his, his tall muscular form standing over you. You’re not sure what’s come over you, maybe it’s the care he’s shown you or how different he is now. But, you couldn’t take too much time to process what you were feeling or what you were thinking. The next few moments felt like a scene from a movie, as you placed your hands on his cheeks and kissed his lips, deeply, a moan escaping your lips. He was quick to pull away, bewilderment in his eyes. 

“I-I’m sorry, Rafe. I read the signals wrong.” 

“I’m not sorry because you didn’t misread anything.” 

And just like that, Rafe Cameron was kissing you, gently, deeply, madly, clothes drenched in rainwater and with ecstasy-filled eyes. Rafe Goddamn Cameron was kissing you and you fucking loved it. 

taglist:

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt

[scribblesofagoonerr]

So, history is just repeating itself then?

This one got more votes so here's the next post, I'm still sick and I just feel miserable now but here we go ✌🏼

Bday balloon cele day to me 🎈

⟫ part 1 | part 2

You knew the minute that it happened that it was over, it was well and truly over. The dream of the olympics had come crushing down.

Minutes after it happened and the whole stadium is at a complete standstill and the loud noise of the fans was now completely silent. Meanwhile, your team mates all looked at you with sombre facial expressions while trying to be there for you in any way that they could.

"Y/N kiddo, are you alright?" Katies' usual teasing tone has disappeared and now it's full of concern.

"Y/N, you're gonna be alright" Caitlin chips in as she tries to take a hold of your head.

You can't help but flinch and pull your hand away as you writhe around in pain, "No, get off, it's my... it's my knee. Get off!" You try and swat at your team mates' hands around who are trying to offer their support, but you can't care a less for that now as the tears stream down your face, "It's... It's all over" Still continuing to cry in pain as the realisation sinks in.

"Let's give her some space, girls" Kims' authortive tone steps in and directs the girls away from crowding you, other than Beth and Viv who still remain by your side.

"It's gonna be okay kiddo" Beth holds your hand and tries to reassure you.

The medics are quick to rush onto the pitch as soon as they see what's happened, they all share a look and a stretcher is brought onto the pitch.

"It's better to get her inside so we can access the damage there" You're not sure whos' even speaking at this point, you are istaught with tears spilling down your cheeks and it's heartbreaking for all your teammates, coaches and even the fans to see it happen to somebody so young.

Your sure that the image of you being carried on the strecher with tears sreaming down your cheeks is going to do it's rounds on social media but in that moment, you really couldn't carealess about anything.

The olympics' dream in that moment was completely over.

You are non the wiser to the medical jargon that is being spilled from the medical teams' mouth that's surrounding you; You just sit crumpled up on the improv medic bed as they work to access your extent of your injury.

You only have one question that you keep thinking to yourself right now, like a constant loop in your head.

How could this happen to you?

A single step, it was just one wrong move and it left disasterous concequences.

It was all over in a matter of minutes, at least that's what you're thinking.

Nodody has even muttered the dreaded 3 letter word but your no fool to think it's anything but that.

"It's all over" Are the only words you can muster up the courage to say.

"Hey it's okay kiddo, it's gonna be okay. We've got you" Beth does her best to reassure you from where she's sat beside you, "Cry if you want too, let it all out. It's gonna be okay" she tells you.

Viv is right there beside you both as she holds your hand, "No matter what happens, we've got you, kleintje. You're so strong, you will get through this" she tells you gently.

Your quick to shake your head frantically in disagreement, "I can't... I can't do it. I can't be strong" You mumble, staring straight ahead at the stark white walls around you.

"You are, kiddo. I know you're scared but like what Viv said, we're going to be right here for you throughout it all, no matter what" The blonde keeps her words soft and gentle to try and keep more tears spilling down your cheeks.

"The olympics, it's over... It's all over" You mumble quietly; you feel numb to everything going on around you now, "My dream to go to the olympics is over now" You repeat in barely a whisper as the realisation sinks in.

"You don't know that just yet kleintje, we have to wait until the scans come first to confirm what injury it is" Viv says as she smiles at you weakily as she does her best to not worry you but it's no use when it's all you can think about.

Beth and Viv both take a minute to look at the medics' team that are working on you for any sort of words right now some kind of explanation and although no words are spoken, the medics' are sure enough to understand the look as they soon begin to speak.

"There's no official confirmation yet until we get the scans to see the extent of the damage" One of the medics, possibly Rose begins to speak as you shift your head to look at her almost pleadingly.

"Please don't say it, please don't say it" You whimper quietly, you're not ready to hear anybody speak it aloud yet.

Rose gives you a sympathetic look before she continues to talk, "However, based on what we can tell, it does very much look like you've ruptured your anterior cruciate ligament" The moment them words are spoken and it's like your world has come crashing down around you.

So you do the only thing that you know how to do, which is cry.

You completely pour out your emotions right there in that very moment, not even caring how ugly your face may look right now.

None of this is fair in your opinion.

What'd you do so wrong to suffer something like this?

9 months being sidelined; Your dreams of the Olympics were completely crushed.

"Just remember, we're here for you" Beths' words cut like a knife as you swallow the harsh lump in the back of your throat.

You've never handled emotions well and right in this moment, you feel like you're draining under water with nobody to pull you up from it.

You really don't know what to do or even how to feel, so you do the one thing that you do know.

Push people away, its' the easier thing to do. You're practically a pro at it now.

With an injured knee, it hurts to move but you bite back the pain and turn your back to the 2 girls; You know it seems horrible to do that, but you just don't know how to handle it all right now.

"Where is she-- What happened?" Laura come bursting into the medical room as her eyes land on you as they soften, "Y/N/N, it's gonna be okay" she is another one to reassure you.

This time you can't help but scoff at the older girls words, "Is it? That's all I keep on hearing-- I've ruined my chance to play football, no more olympics... I've lost the dream" You can't help how venemous the words sound spilling from your mouth but it's the harsh reality of what is happening right now.

Sometimes feelings are hard to handle and being only young, you're about to take on a challenge that you're not even sure that you can handle.

"Y/N" Beth gasps in shock at the cold and harsh words that spill from your mouth.

You turn to look at the blonde with a somewhat blank expression, "What?" You question, carelessly that makes the older girl frown.

"Hey, I know you're upset but there's no need to be mean to Laura like that" Beth lightly scolds you, she knows that you're upset about this but that still doesn't make it okay to talk to anybody like you did.

"Why not? I'm so sick of everything saying and thinking that it'll be fine, when it's not gonna be!" You exclaim, its' the first time you've raised your voice to them in anger and although you regret it instantly, your current pent up anger takes over any upset feelings right now.

"Y/N" Viv looks at you with the same unimpressed expression that Beth does.

The dutch women goes to further speak but you're quick to interject.

"Can you all just go? Just leave me alone" You try to fight back the tears that are threatening to spill all over again, "I just... I just want to be alone" You repeat.

"Y/N--" Laura starts to speak.

"Please?" The pleading in your voice is something you ditest, it makes you sound weak and that's something you hate to show; Weakness.

If there's one thing you remember from your deadbeat father, it was that showing weakness makes you a coward, and you wasn't one of them.

"I just need to be alone right now, so just go" You feel horrible to demand for them to leave, you need them but you're just stubborn to admit it.

"Alright, alright. We will leave you to be alone and have some time to think kleintje" Viv squeezes your injured knee and smiles gently before she stands up from the chair she currently sat in, "Come on, lets' give Y/N some space" she tells them.

"Okay" Laura begrudingly agrees and nods, "See you in a bit, Y/N/N" she adds before she starts to head out the room.

"Come on Beth" Viv nudges her girlfriend.

Beth looks more hesistant to leave but knows it's probably better to do than have you blow up again, "O... Okay sure; We're right here for you when you need us, kiddo. Remember that, okay?" Reassuring you with a matching smile, she stands up from her chair and the two women head out the medic room.

You didn't bother to mutter any kind of response. You didn't even mean to block any of them out, they were your makeshift family and you know that they care about you so much; Each and every single one of them, but no matter how surrounded with love you are, you feel more alone than ever.

You didn't want to hear words of encourgament or reassure; You just want to be alone in your thoughts.

You were better to be left alone in your thoughts.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[elvisqueso]

Pocahontas (1995): 3 times Pocahontas is compared to her mother + 1 time she's recognized on her own merits.

rambling lil meta under the cut

see, what's crazy about this whole situation is that it makes me wonder what exactly pocahontas's mom was like to have left such a massive impression on literally everyone in their community? there's that outright statement that "yeah, your mom's spirit is in the wind, basically, and our people venerate her as a spiritual guide (at the very least)." we know that she's the main connection between pocahontas and grandmother willow, and there's an implication in there that whatever leadership role she held in the village is expected to fall on pocahontas's shoulders someday.

i am so convinced that this role is some kind of spiritual leader/shaman position. wise-woman, priestess, whatever it's called. we don't see anyone else besides kekata performing any kind of spiritual rites, and even he isn't seen acting in direct contact with spiritual entities. kekata has to perform chants, provide offerings, and use a medium. pocahontas can just fuckign. talk to the things. how is she doing that? why isn't anyone else really able to do that? john smith could talk with grandmother willow but would he be able to if pocahontas wasn't there (i actually think he could but that's a different post)? has she ever done that for literally anybody else? nakoma never mentions grandmother willow. nobody mentions grandmother willow. apparently, the only two people who knew about her before pocahontas brought her new bf over was pocahontas and her mom.

i'm losing track of myself here, but the point is pocahontas is Highly aware of the ghost she's expected to live up to. and it sucks. and there's a lot more to her character arc about this but the eventual come-around to accepting that she has a responsibility to be more than herself and more than her mother's ghost is so heartbreaking because it also meant she had to let go of her soulmate at the same time so i c ry

[veltana]

Mafia AU prequels - Reader's break-up

✦ Pairing: Stucky/Fem!Reader, mention of Loki/Fem!Reader

✦ Word count: ~1.9k

✦ Rating: Teen

✦ Warnings/tags: hurt/comfort, angst, heartbreak, alcohol consumption, lots of fluff and feels, cuddling, sharing a bed, unrequited love/crush.

✦ Summary: Bucky made it his mission to get you to laugh at least once a day, telling stories about Steve and him growing up, or finding a list of dumb jokes and reading them out loud until you found one funny.

✦ Note: This is a prequel to No one as sweet as you set while they were living together in college, which focuses on their growing relationship and how Bucky and Steve started to develop feelings for Sweets as more than just their best friend. You don't need to read No one as sweet as you to get this but I recommend it. (Also posted on AO3)

Series masterlist

Masterlist | AO3

You knew it would hurt when Loki left but you didn’t think it would feel like your heart had been ripped out of your chest. After kissing him goodbye and watching the taxi leave for the airport you collapsed on a nearby bench, unable to move.

The tears had been streaming down your face and you realized you wouldn’t make it home by yourself, so you called Steve and he had dropped everything.

That’s how you find yourself leaning on him, trying to breathe between fits of tears as you walk home. Bucky is waiting inside the door, taking you from Steve to lead you to the couch. You curl up in a ball, trying to lessen the hurt in your chest and Bucky puts his arms around you while you ugly-cry yourself to a headache.

The sun sets at some point.

“Sleep?” Bucky asks into your hair and you nod, not really able to form coherent sentences at the moment.

Steve leads you into his bedroom and gives you a moment of privacy to change into your pajamas that he got from your room. He couldn’t have known that the t-shirt you’ve been sleeping in the past week is one that Loki gave you when he noticed how much you liked it.

Through sniffles, you manage to get it over your head and then get the soft shorts on. You open the door, signaling you’re done before crawling onto the bed and collapsing among the sheets.

The exhaustion makes you crash and you don’t even notice when Steve and Bucky have to move you because you somehow managed to lay on everyone's covers.

Morning comes regardless of your broken heart. The first thing you notice is that the sheets smell odd, and then it hits you. It’s not Loki’s smell surrounding you and it makes you start crying once again.

Finding a pillow you hug it to your chest, curling up on the side. Sometime after that, the door opens, and the bed dips behind you. Soft hands caress your hair and down your neck, rubbing your back soothingly. It makes it slightly better, makes you feel less alone in the hell that is your broken heart.

The person behind you lays down, hugging you close to their chest, resting their cheek at the side of your face.

“Hey, Sweets,” Steve whispers. His soft voice and warm embrace calm you down.

Ever since you found out Loki was going back you’ve been trying to keep up a brave face, because you didn’t want your last weeks together to just be filled with sadness. But when you were at home, and Loki wasn’t there you could let your face fall and shoulders sag.

They were always right there beside you, with food, encouraging words, or helping you get through assignments. Bucky made it his mission to get you to laugh at least once a day, telling stories about Steve and him growing up, or finding a list of dumb jokes and reading them out loud until you found one funny.

You kept telling them you were fine but they didn’t buy it, and after a while you accepted the help, the hugs, and the dumb jokes.

"I'm going to need you to eat and drink something," Steve continues to speak softly. "I know you don't want to. But just something, okay?"

You nod into the pillow.

"Okay," you manage and Steve moves before you get up and drag yourself to the kitchen.

Bucky hands you a Nutella sandwich and a cup of coffee as you sit down. You eat with no enthusiasm, knowing that when you're done you can go back to wallowing. They don’t try to talk to you, only sit beside you in silent support. After washing down the food with the last of the coffee you get up with a quiet “Thanks,” and walk straight back to Steve's room.

Even if the bed makes you feel safe and comfortable you can't seem to go back to sleep. You toss and turn and no matter what you do, blessed sleep refuses to retake you.

After a while, you sigh and find your phone. The first thing you see is that Loki posted a picture from London, looking happy and not at all as heartbroken as you. At first, rage boils in your blood but it’s quickly replaced with sadness and the tears start rolling down your face once again.

Now you feel stupid. Looking back, maybe you’d taken the whole thing too seriously, and to him it had been a fling.

You lay there, thinking of revenge and if it would be too unreasonable to fly to London to give him a piece of your mind. Bucky and Steve would go with you if you asked.

Instead, you text Darcy, wondering if she wants to day drink. She responds quickly, asking if you want to come to her place. Apparently, Jane is equally upset with Loki’s brother Thor.

Bucky watches you walk out of Steve’s room and into your own, closing the door behind you. A second later music starts blaring. He scowls and gives Steve a look but the other just shrugs. “She has her way of working through it, just like me and you.”

An hour later you emerge with your hair and make-up fixed. Bucky feels disgusted by himself when his first reaction to you is lust. You’re looking fantastic but your eyes have no spark in them. The shell might be pretty but the soul underneath is suffering. He wishes he had a way to fix it, make you happy again, bring Loki back if that’s what you need. Even if it will make him suffer watching you with someone else he will gladly do it, if that’s what will make your eyes twinkle with life again.

His big fat crush on you has not diminished one bit since coming to the realization a couple of months ago. Instead of telling you he asks, "Where are you off to, Sweets?"

As you grab a bottle of wine off the shelf and put it in your bag.

"Darcy’s," you answer, and a moment later you're out of the apartment, the door shutting behind you.

“But I mean, Steve is nice. Bucky too I suppose, if he ever stops doing the staring thing,” Darcy comments as she pours you another glass of wine. You shrug, there is no denying they’re handsome and you love them as your friends, but you’ve never thought of them as potential boyfriends.

“It never crossed your mind?” she asks and sits down next to Jane.

Another shrug. “Why would it? They’re my best friends.”

“You say that like it’s two opposite things,” she points out. “It’s not.”

“Well, it’s not going to happen, I don’t have those kinds of feelings for them anyway.”

Jane laughs, “I’ve heard that one before!”

“Can we not talk about new potential boyfriends?” you complain. “I’m trying to forget the old one first.”

It's after three when Steve’s phone rings.

"Hello?" he answers, sleep still clouding his brain. Bucky stirs beside him.

When Darcy says, "Can you come and get your roommate?” he is suddenly wide awake and Bucky sits up. “She's had way too much and I'm too weak to even begin to drag her home," Darcy continues. They are up a second later, grabbing discarded clothes and pulling them on while Steve gets the details.

The grass is cool against your overheated flesh. Somewhere above you, there are stars but you can’t see them for the streetlights shining so bright. After drinking at Darcy’s you decided to go to a party and there had been multiple rounds of shots and way too much wine. Now your head is spinning a little too fast but the good news is that your heart stopped aching after round number four of shots.

Suddenly the light is blocked out by a dark figure. It takes a second for your eyes to adjust and you can make out Steve with a frown on his face. Darcy had said he was pretty and you can see that, you guess.

"How are you doing Sweets?" he asks with a light smile when you wave at him.

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" you decide to ask.

"Of course, I would!"

He isn't even phased by your question, crouching down to pick you right up.

He’s strong, Bucky is too. Loki couldn’t lift you but Steve manage without a problem to hoist you into his arms and carry you towards the car. Your stupid heart does the last thing you want, a little double beat, but you press that down firmly.

This is all Darcy’s and Jane’s fault. They kept on talking about how good Steve and Bucky would be as boyfriends.

"We would fill your whole room with dirt,” he says.

Bucky is leaning against the car, all tall, dark, and handsome, even though his face is laced with worry. Your heart does another stupid double beat. Clearly what you drank had not been enough if your heart is still able to do that.

Even if it’s in the middle of the night, they’re both here for you. You don't deserve them, you decide.

"Why are we filling her room with dirt?" Bucky asks, confused. Before you can answer Steve does.

"Because we love her."

That makes you giggle in his arms and Bucky shrugs with an, "Okay."

Finally, at home you somehow manage to remove most of your makeup and change clothes, opting for one of Bucky’s old t-shirts instead of the one Loki left you.

When you’re done, you peek into Steve's room where they have already crashed and you bite your lip, not wanting to disturb them. As you turn to leave Bucky says, "Get over here."

This time the smell of the sheets only brings you serenity. It makes the wild thoughts a little calmer and the returning ache a little more manageable.

With the aid of the alcohol, an unbidden thought pops up. The three of you, like this, forever. If they weren’t your best friends, just two guys you met somewhere, could this be a thing? You shake your head, dispersing the thoughts, and when you do, Bucky grunts beside you. His thick arm comes around your waist and it grounds you.

Another morning dawns and with it a vicious hangover. You try to recall what happened last night but the memories end sometime after you arrive at the party.

Somehow you got home, changed, and slept. The bed is empty of course and even if you feel the nausea creeping up your throat, you do feel a little better in the heartbreak department.

After a while, you manage to get up and find Bucky and Steve in the living room. When you plop down Steve’s hand comes to rest at the back of your neck, thumb brushing against your skin.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“I’m not sure,” you answer and tell them about the gaps in your memory. They fill in what they know and then you text Darcy to apologize, before grabbing a blanket.

“What are we watching?” you ask and yawn.

Bucky shrugs. “Some superhero movie.”

Even if you’re hungover the whole day, it’s still great, just the three of you on the couch watching bad movies.

When you retrieve your cover and pillow from Steve’s room later that night you get a weird feeling in your chest, like you want to stay there. But then you dismiss it, taking your things and crawling into your bed.

prev | next

[one-flower-one-sword]

"Feng Xin, however, cut straight to the point. "You don't need to pretend anymore! We know this is your old lair. We've already seen what those divine statues are, and the murals too - we've seen everything!" Hua Cheng wasn't directly facing them; he stood at an angle. The hands tugged behind his back seemed to jerk at Feng Xin's words, and two of the fingers curled stiffly inward.

"His Highness... saw it too?" he asked softly, inclining his head. His voice was very, very quiet. While he still sounded unfazed, his voice was slightly cracked and obviously strange."

TGCF Volume 6, page 62

This, to me, is one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire series, because of how violating it is what both Hua Cheng and Xie Lian go through. But there have already been many posts about how Mu Qing and Feng Xin take away Xie Lian's agency and autonomy and belittle his intelligence by kidnapping him away from Hua Cheng, trying to take the red string from him, and slapping the command talisman on him that rendered him mute and paralyzed. So what I want to focus on is Hua Cheng's side of it because what he goes through is also violating, just in different ways.

Given that this is Mount Tonglu, it makes absolute sense that Hua Cheng assumed that Xie Lian would never see any of the statues or murals, nor would anyone else connected to him, since gods and heavenly officials usually never go there. It also needs to be kept in mind that the statues were covered by veils and the murals covered by butterfly silk - whether this was done to hide them or to protect them from decay is beside the point, which is that they were covered and that Feng Xin and Mu Qing tear all of those covers down and then get offended by what they find under them - which are Hua Cheng's most private and intimate thoughts and feelings and memories. They might as well have torn open Hua Cheng's heart and soul and dissected the contents only to spit on them in disgust.

So now, not only have two of the people Hua Cheng hates the most uncovered Hua Cheng's most private feelings regarding Xie Lian, they also revealed them to Xie Lian without Hua Cheng's consent. And judging by the above description, Hua Cheng is terrified of Xie Lian's reaction. Usually, he has to be pushed pretty far to ever lose his composure - he evidently has very strong emotions, but most of the time he's suppressing them beneath his laid-back, unshakable attitude. Xie Lian himself remarks at some point on how Hua Cheng smiling doesn't necessarily relate to what he's actually feeling at all since it's just this condescending fake smile he aims at others (well, anyone other than Xie Lian). But here, now, Hua Cheng's hands jerk in shock. His usually confident voice is quiet and actually cracks with how afraid and distressed he is.

Also, though this is more in the realm of speculation because the text isn't clear on it - it's mentioned that he's not facing them directly but standing at an angle, and the look in his eye is actually not described at all - this could be taken to mean that he's deliberately standing in a way that has his blind side facing them more than his seeing side, since very often it's the look in his eye that's giving his emotions away the most. It would make sense that he's deliberately standing like this to try and conceal how hard he's struggling to keep it together.

Aside from losing Xie Lian again or not being able to protect him from harm, this has to be one of Hua Cheng's worst fears - for Xie Lian to be scared of and disgusted by him, to reject Hua Cheng's devotion. Back when Guoshi divined his fate and called him toxic and dangerous and demanded Xie Lian to send him away and not even touch him at all, when everyone was treating him like "poisonous vermin" (volume 2, page 380) and trying to separate him from Xie Lian by force, Xie Lian was the only one to not be scared of and disgusted by him, the one who instead held him and soothed him, who kept insisting that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't misfortune and disaster. But now with the command talisman making it look like Xie Lian "was afraid to face Hua Cheng and refused to speak to him", this one of Hua Cheng's worst fears seems to have become reality, and it's breaking him apart to a point where he seems to actually be close to tears.

[ripleylove]

Better Judgement

pairing: Rhea Ripley x fem!reader.

genre: angst (i swear ill make some fluff)

summary: during a hot day of August,you discover you were just another option for Rhea.

A/N: guess what? This is based off better judgement by wendy! (I really get inspired by songs if u didnt notice) ALSO!! I appreciate the support every single one of you gave me onmy first post!! I love you <3 hope u like it!!

⋆ ˚｡⋆𔓘⭒๋࣭

You still remembered all of it very vividly.

The purple sunrise,her icy blue eyes,her pure smile that made her eyes look like crescents,the days where you laughed with her until you cried,and her love for you.

Both of you were inexperienced child-like adults,and you didn't know if your relationship would last. After all,it was,for you and Rhea,your very first serious relationship.

You met during the hot and fun months of summer,precisely in July,and Rhea didn't need to do much to slowly become your first love. She made you discover what true love was,but she also made you experience a huge heartbreak.

Your relationship with her was like an unfinished book,but you had to bid her farewell after what she did.

It was a hot Sunday of August, you and Rhea went,as usual,to the beach to have your familiar fun with the sand and the water.

"Hi,little strawberry!" She waved at you. She used to call you strawberry because your cheeks would always become as red as strawberries when you were with her or when she gave you a kiss (and she loved it).

You ran to her,your favourite book now forgotten on the sand,and gave her a very tight hug. Your left cheek was squished against her shoulders,while your arms circled gently her waist,longing to feel her warmth and her touch.

"Come on,let's sit on that bench." You took her hand in yours,and you pulled her to a nearby bench.

But,as you started to notice her expression, she looked a bit off. "Rhea,are you okay? You look nervous. Did something happen at home?" You asked her with worry evident in your voice,and you watched as she gulped.

"No,nothing happened at home,but I need to tell you something." She said while still looking on edge. You encouraged her to go on with a nod of your head.

"So-" Rhea's speech got interrupted by a high-pitched and girly voice. A girl with beautiful melanin skin,and soft-looking wavy hair came to sit beside Rhea,and kissed your girlfriend's plump cheek.

"Who's this girl?" The new addition to your and Rhea's little date asked,but she didn't even give Rhea time to answer before she continued. "Oh! I'm sorry,I didn't even introduce myself. My name is Ilenia and I'm Rhea's girlfriend." She said with a beautiful smile,with her cute dimples coming out. But wait,she was what?

You looked at Rhea with a confused expression,waiting for an explanation. She was panicking, and she hurriedly took your hand and started to drag you off from that bench. You heard Ilenia calling for Rhea,but she didn't dare to turn around.

She brought you behind a tree far from her girlfriend and started to talk.

"I-I don't know what to say. This isn't how I wanted to tell you,but-" You interrupted her speech,and started yours.

"So what you're telling me is that I'm your side chick? Are you kidding me?" She didn't answer,but she just nodded her head. So you really were her side chick.

"I hate you,fuck the hell off. And,at least, tell your girlfriend how the situation really was between me and you,have respect for her and her time." Your tears were threatening to spill at any moment,but you managed to hold them until you started walking away from Rhea. That was really your breaking point.

You put a hand over your mouth to try to silence your sobs,but there wasn't any way to hold them in. You were devastated,after all the kisses,the affection, the laughs and the moments togheter, for her you were just a side chick?

You started to realise that everything in the world always changes,like the places where you laughed and cuddled with Rhea,or your feelings for her.

You knew it was a bad goodbye,but it was meant to happen.

"Now I don't want you."

[peachjagiya]

I think JK just got together with Wooga recently, maybe pandemic. I don't think he is THAT close with them. Tae spends time with them a lot and since they were on hiatus, Tae invited JK to their hangouts same with his high school friends. Why only JK? They both have almost same time off during hiatus. Wooga are familiar with Hobi too. Peakboy's music is similar to JK's, hence the remixes. Others are meh about him. Levi and Gini know him so they also post about his songs. Does it make JK special? As Tae's closest friend in BTS, yes. But it isn't a basis of them having a romantic relationship. Is it possible that TK are just bestfriends with deeper bond than most of what we are used to? Of course. Is it possible that they are in a relationship? Certainly. Is it possible that they talked about their feelings but decided to just stay friends? 100%. We will never know. I think am better off accepting their relationship as platonic than romantic. Saves us the heartbreak. If they're still together 30 years from now and decide to come out, good for them. But with how things are at the moment, I'm leaning more towards them just being friends.

And that's ok!

I don't buy that JK is a sixth Wooga, no. I think it's more than just convenience though.

I can't think of many Hyungsik instances with JK. They went to Harry Styles with Hyungsik but that's the only thing I can think of.

But Wooshik has been out with Tae and JK along with his brother who then posted a picture of the three of them. He's inviting family to hang with a guy he's meh about? It seems cozy and comfy to me, especially as it was just the four of them. He also did like one of JK's instagram posts but likes can be accidental and I think it was only the one so.... yeah.

Seojoon invited JK, by name, to his film premiere possibly twice.

Ok so let's say Dreamiere - and possibly Concrete Utopia - was just to do with Tae and JKs schedules aligning. I mean Tae is capable of going places alone, right, and I also feel like this has been debunked by Jimin's availability elsewhere... but let's go with it: JK was just invited because his schedule aligned with Tae.

But Seojoonie-hyung was also at JKs album party, it seems*. Not made public, a private event, only revealed by staff. It's one thing to think Seojoon invites JK places reluctantly but it's another for JK to extend an invite and Seojoon to accept it. (Unless Tae extended the invite, in which case are the rumours about Tae organising the party for JK true? Or did JK just let Tae invite whoever despite seemingly nobody else getting that privilege? All roads lead to the same type of conclusion.)

*Sidenote on this: I don't believe I ever saw that it was pinpointed as a fake source but if any not-jkkrs knows it was, please do tell me.

Absolutely this can all be explained by Tae and JK being the closest. Yes. Alongside everything else, I personally think it's romantic. But that's beside the point. The main point I'm making is that I don't think the others are meh about him at all.

Though I think it was probably just an innocent throwaway comment, it's not the first time I've seen sentiment like this, the baseless implication that they only tolerate JK. Why paint JK in that light? There's a kinder explanation: they are cool with him and want to hang with their bestie's bestie/bf.

You're within your rights to protect yourself, obviously, if it saves you the heartbreak. I personally won't be heartbroken if it is platonic. I'll just accept I read it wrong and continue to love their closeness. But if it really would bother you, you're probably right to think of them as just friends.

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

Everlark (Catching Fire, Ch. 14)

the parallel between katniss going into the first games to stay alive for prim vs her going into the second games prepared to die to keep peeta alive. like her dying wish is literally to keep peeta alive.

peeta not being able to sleep so just throwing himself into prepping for the games is so heartbreaking. because we don't hear about his perspective but i know his own nightmares returned tenfold. but he didn't share any of it with katniss. he just continued to stay up all night researching previous victors and games.

"because i can't handle the nightmares. not without you" - what katniss thinks when peeta asks why she's not going to bed. i cry. katniss is such a romantic and she doesn't even know it, and peeta telling her to go to bed, like the husband he is (i'm going to make a lot of peeta husband jokes in the next few posts but literally, they act like a married couple so was peeta even lying when he said they were married already in his interview)

peeta finally holding out his arms and give her the comfort she's been internally moping about since they announced the QQ!

i am actually not of the opinion that peeta kisses her neck here. "warmth radiates from the spot where his lips just touch my neck, slowly spreading through the rest of me. it feels so good, so impossibly good, that i know i will not be the first to let go" - i think his lips just grazed her neck during the hug and that was enough to make our feral girl go crazy.

again, peeta's touch/kisses are the only ones that cause warmth to grow in katniss herself (as far as i'm aware - contrasted to the heat that gale had that was only due to the the fire he was standing beside and didn't cause anything in her to want more). like it feels so good, after so long, that she doesn't want to let go. she's been staring at him sketching and fixating on his eyelashes for weeks now, without any particular touchiness between them and she has clearly been missing his affection so much.

and she doesn't care because gale won't see it which is so telling. she's not having conflicting thoughts because her feelings for both are the same - it's because she knows what gale wants and she feels bad that she doesn't really.

"[Gale] won't see it or he'll think i am acting for the cameras. that... is one weight off my shoulders" - he'll think, not he'll know. because katniss isn't acting. like i really think any doubt of her acting is gone at this point forwards in the books. none of their caresses, hugs or kisses are forced or fake from this point (apart from the baby nonsense), and she knows it herself because she doesn't throw in the caveats she did in the first book.

she curls up next to him on the sofa. katniss literally just wants to hold and to be held.

"just like peeta and me, [haymitch and maysilee] do better together"

[hadesforpreswrites]

dirty laundry, pt. 1

a/n: i wrote this when i was feeling incredibly low. it's based on something that happened to me. the title is from all time low. might have a part 2.

before you read this, be aware that this particular piece deals with the after effects of trauma (rape). it doesn't deal with it right after the incident but it shows how even after over a decade it can still affect someone.

before we proceed further: this is your warning that description of sexual assault on a minor will happen. this is based on truth as well as being a work of fan fiction.

i fought so hard with myself to even post this but was encouraged by @remedyx. if you don't want to read it, please by all means don't. but if you do, please be kind.

if something similar has happened to you, please reach out to me if you feel like you need to talk. i love you, you are worthy.

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: talk of past sexual assault, trauma talk, depictions of depressive episode

word count: 2,585

summary: after seeing something triggering online, y/n is struggling. noah learns some deep secrets of his friend and tries to help.

part two part three part four part five

she’s got her secrets/yeah, i’ve got mine too

meeting friends when you’re adults means you have to understand that you will not know everything about them as easily as if you were kids. it was something that rang true for everyone. 

noah understood this and was ready and willing for his friends to have secrets from him. pasts that didn’t want or need to be explained. all that mattered to him was that they were there here and now.

that is until one day when his friend messaged a group chat that consisted of him, andy biersack, and his other friend, scarlett. scarlett messaged them saying that their other friend, one they had planned a birthday party for in this very group chat, was having a very hard time. 

that wasn’t new, she had been having a rough go of it off and on for a couple of months. something to do with her meds and the pharmacy being out-of-stock, something that confused the hell out of noah. but something about this time felt different.

noah abruptly stood up, startling his friends that he was with. in his worry and being glued to his phone for the last however many minutes, he had almost forgotten where he was. 

“you good, man?” nick asked.

“yeah, i just gotta go do something for a friend.”

“is it y/n?” jolly teased. 

“as a matter of fact, yes,” noah said while gathering his things. he waved to his friends, promising to meet up with them again soon, and took off out of the house.

he barely buckled his seatbelt before taking off in his car toward scarlett and y/n’s house. in his relatively short drive, his brain was swirling with possibilities of what was wrong. why had scarlett threatened men specifically? (this time anyway) could he still pick a lock? (probably) what if y/n didn’t want to see them? (she usually did but what if this time was different?) what could he do specifically to make her feel better? (maybe ice cream - she likes ice cream) could he get her to open up and spill this obviously heartbreaking secret to him? (he sure hopes so, but is he prepared for the aftermath?)

he barely registered that he had pulled into the driveway beside andy’s car because it was such an autopilot response to go to their house at this point. he locked his car and walked up to the front door. he didn’t even bother knocking as he entered and was met by the smell of pizza baking in the oven. 

“great! everyone’s here!” scarlett said loud enough to be heard throughout the house - obviously trying to get y/n’s attention. 

“is she still in there?” noah asked, slipping his shoes off at the door. 

“only came out to get water right before we got here,” juliet said, casting a glance down the hall. 

“door may be unlocked now though,” scarlett said thoughtfully. “maybe i’ll go peek my head in.”

“i’ll do it,” noah offered, quickly. too quickly if the smirks on his friends’ faces was any indication. he shook his head as he walked down the hall toward y/n’s room.

he knocked softly and listened closely. “i’m fine,” a quiet voice sounded through the wood, followed by a sniffle. 

“you don’t sound fine, doll,” he said as he leaned his forehead against the door. “can i come in? please?”

“it’s unlocked.”

when he entered her room, his heart shattered. the ever-present blue twinkle lights she had strung around her room had been shut off, along with any mention of light from anywhere else, except her phone screen. she had her comforter pulled up to her ear with her back facing him.

he shut the door softly behind him and padded across to the bed. he climbed under the covers and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight to him. he felt her stiffen at the contact but not pull away, instead leaning into him once she calmed.

he knew this had to be crossing some sort of imaginary line he’d set for himself but he couldn’t help himself. his friend, honestly probably his best friend, was hurting and that trumped any romantic feelings he has for her.

“when did you get here?” she asked, sniffling again.

“just now. needed to know you were at least physically okay. what happened? i thought you got your meds worked out?” he asked, softly.

“i did. it’s not that. i wish it were that because then i don’t feel like i’ve failed.”

“babe, whatever it is, you haven’t failed anything.”

“yes, i have. i thought i’d worked through it and then i see one thing online and suddenly my brain throws away over a decade of work,” her hand moves to wipe newly fallen tears.

“do you want to talk about it?” he asks, realizing it may be a feeble attempt.

“no. but i should,” she sighs before turning around to face him. “i just don’t want you to think differently of me.”

he keeps his arms firmly around her and chances a kiss to the top of her head. “y/n, i think the world of you and nothing is gonna change that.”

“promise?” he could feel his t-shirt dampen with tears. 

he pulled away just enough so he could look her in her eyes. eyes that held a pain he never knew was there. he feels a sense of rage bubble up in him at whoever caused this precious human this amount of pain. “promise.”

she took a steadying breath and began to sit up. they sat side-by-side, backs against the headboard, his legs spread in front of him and hers pulled up to her chest, protecting herself. 

“when i was 15, i was in a really bad place. i was undiagnosed, unmedicated, and wanting love. so i took what i could get from whoever i could get it from. i wasn’t promiscuous or anything, in fact i’ve never had sex. i just wanted someone to love me because i couldn’t love myself. 

i dated this guy who was all kinds of wrong but i thought i was in love. he kept breaking my heart so one day when we were broken up, i decided to invite his friend over to hang out. i thought he was cute and we made out and stuff but that was as far as i wanted it to go,” she took a breath and a drink of water as tears filled her eyes again.

he knew where this was going and he felt himself getting even more angry but he let her keep going. 

“i tried to keep him off me, i really did. he was pulling my shorts so hard and i was trying to keep them on, i thought my nails would break. i kept crying and saying no over and over. but it was like it didn’t matter. like he didn’t hear me. but i know he did because when he stopped, he called me a tease and wiped his hand on a stuffed animal that was near the bed.”

he wanted so badly to hold her and tell her he’d never let that happen to her again, but he held himself back not wanting to make things worse. 

she cleared her throat after a moment of pause. “anyway, i was working through it on my own for years and didn’t tell anyone until like a year later. and then when i got in therapy we worked on it for a bit and i thought i had gotten better. but i was scrolling through tumblr and came across this story that was non-con, non-consensual, and it just fucking broke me.

i don’t normally kinkshame or tell people what they shouldn’t do because that’s their business but i’ll never understand non-consensual, rape fantasies. there’s absolutely nothing to fantasize about. it’s humiliating. it’s painful. physically, mentally, and emotionally. it makes you feel like you’ll never be clean again and that you’re not worthy of even the smallest of respect or love.

noah, i worked so hard to make myself believe that i’m not dirty or broken and that i am worthy. i worked so hard and it was just stripped away from me again like it was nothing.”

“i know you did. you always work hard. and let me tell you something,” he moved so he was right in front of her on his knees. he lifted her chin so she looked at him. “you are so worthy. you’re the worthiest person i know. you deserve the world and he doesn’t even deserve a grave. you’re not broken or dirty, you’re strong and beautiful. and i am so lucky to have you in my life, you know that, right? and now you don’t have to work as hard because you won’t be doing it by yourself.”

“promise?” her voice was small.

“i promise,” he confirmed.

she basically launched herself at him with a sob and wrapped her arms around him. he pulled her into his lap and held her. oh how he had imagined this moment, but she was not crying in his imagination.

“will you stay with me?” she asked into his chest.

“always,” he kissed the top of her head. 

after some time, she stopped shaking from crying and relaxed in his arms.

“let’s get you some food,” he said.

“ice cream?”

“absolutely,” he chuckled. “but i think scarlett made pizza if you want some of that first. if there’s any left, andy and juliet are here too.”

“i might could do that, then ice cream,” she decided, pulling away from him.

“deal,” he stood up from the bed, taking her with him. after setting her down on her feet, he grabbed her hand - just to make sure she knew he was staying by her side, and they walked toward the kitchen.

“hey, sunshine,” andy said as they emerged from the darkened hallway.

“hey, sorry,” she said as she wrapped an arm around him and then juliet, still holding noah’s hand. 

“you don’t have to apologize,” juliet said, as she smoothed the other woman’s hair. “you’re allowed to have people worry about you.”

“we’re more than happy to be those people for you,” andy backed her up.

y/n gave them a small smile and eyed the pizza.

“here’s your gross ass pizza, my love,” scarlett said, handing her a plate with a piece of her favorite pizza on it.

“you’re the best roommate a girl could have,” she said, sitting at the bar by andy, noah sitting on her other side. 

“yeah, yeah,” scarlett said, intently watching as y/n took a bite of her pizza. 

conversation buzzed around them as she finished her slice, she only wanted one right now - her main focus on the ice cream in her future. noah participated in the conversation on the outside but on the inside he was replaying her story over and over in his head like a movie on loop. he was angry for her. he had questions. but he wasn’t sure when was the right time to ask - though he knew not right now in front of everyone. 

he must have zoned out because when he came too he was met with the expectant eyes of y/n.

“sorry, what?”

“ice cream?”

“of course,” he replied, rising from his spot at the bar. 

“let me go change real quick,” she said, putting her hand on his arm.

“for why?” 

“i’m in pajamas?” she motioned to her shorts and oversized t-shirt. a shirt that he just realized belonged to him at one point.

“we don’t have to get out of the car,” he said, standing up fully. “you look fine.” he didn’t miss the look that andy, juliet, and scarlett passed between them. 

“you don’t let people eat in your car,” she trailed off. 

he leaned down to look her in the eye, “consider yourself special, then. let’s go.”

before he turned around he caught a glimpse of a blush creep on her face and felt a sense of pride. he didn’t catch the way she looked at scarlett with wide eyes, or the way juliet motioned for her to move. andy was grinning at the whole scene. 

she got up and slipped on a pair of sandals that were near the door and followed noah out the door and toward his car. he opened the passenger door for her. “well, thank you kind sir,” she said before sliding into the seat.

he chuckled as he shut the door and jogged around to the driver’s side. once he was buckled and started toward her favorite ice cream place, he chanced a look at y/n as she looked out the window.

“hey,” he said softly. “you okay?”

“i will be,” she answered. “it’s just a lot to process.”

“i can imagine. can i ask you something?”

“of course.”

“when you were telling me what happened, you said that you’d never had sex before it happened?”

“yeah. so my first and only experience with sex was that. which is why i always get weird when you guys start talking about it,” she explained. 

“i’d always wondered. wait. did you say your only experience?” he was baffled. 

“yeah,” she answered, finally fully looking at him.

“that honestly explains so much. and also i’m so sorry that your experience was that.”

“you don’t have to apologize. it happened. it sucks. it sucks a lot. and sometimes i feel like i’m missing out on a whole world. but most of the time i’m fine.”

“don’t do that,” he scolded.

“do what?”

“minimize your trauma to make you seem more palatable. it’s not helpful. it’s not cute.”

she went quiet and looked away, back out the window.

he kicked himself. that came out a lot harsher than he meant. he pulled into a parking spot at the ice cream place and told her to sit tight while he went to get the ice cream. she didn’t argue.

“y/n,” he said when he slid back into his seat, ice cream in hand.

she was surprised to see he got exactly what she wanted, not that she deviated from what she liked all that often. she just wasn’t aware of how much he paid attention to her. 

“i didn’t-” he started. “i didn’t mean for that to come out that way. i just meant that i don’t want you to minimize with me. you’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

“i know. i just guess i didn’t realize that’s what i was doing.”

“you do it all the time, doll. i just never knew why and i think i get it now.”

she smiled softly. “how did you know which ice cream i wanted?” she knew the change in subject wouldn’t go unnoticed but hoped he would catch on that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore for the time being. 

he pulled out his phone and went to the notes app. “i keep track of your favorites.”

she blushed. “why?”

“haven’t caught on yet?” he smirked at her. 

“caught on to what?”

“i’m practically at your beck and call. i let you and no one else eat in my car. i apparently let you wear my clothes,” he gestured to the t-shirt she was wearing.

“noah, i don’t understand.”

“how can someone be so smart and so blind at the same time? i’m basically in love with you, dummy.”

[aleksanderscult]

I have loved your other metas. Can I make a request too? I wanted you to analyse the Grisha vows with respect to Aleksander and Alina. No problem if not. Good day.

Of course you can!

Literally anyone can ask me anything and there's nothing to be shy about. ❤️

So. We're finally doing this, huh?🥲

We're going to analyze THAT scene?🥲

I'm assuming you mean Aleksander's and "Alina's" funeral (if that's not the scene you mean then please tell me!😭) and I'm not gonna lie, I was avoiding writing a meta about it because it's SO painful🫠

But at the same time I've got some things to say here as well.

(Btw, I had already made two drafts about this scene commenting on some things. HOW DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I'M SECRETLY CREATING??😭😶‍🌫️. But now that I'll write a meta about this scene, I won't post them until many, many weeks later)

Okay. Not gonna stall anymore. Let's do this.🥲

Gonna start from here because I don't have anything to say about the previous lines (but if there's something in particular you want me to analyze before this, dear anon, then just say so❤️).

This line by itself is extremely sad.

The imagery that comes to your mind.

After four hundred years of existence full of war and battles, the Darkling is dead.

And Alina could easily say "You know what? Burn his body somewhere else. Not beside mine."

No, she wanted their bodies to burn side by side.

That says a lot by itself.

When a fan asked Bardugo who truly tended to the Darkling's body, the latter refused to answer saying that she's leaving that for the readers to guess.

My personal guess, after what happened in Nikolai's duology, is Sankta Elizaveta. If the duology never existed then I would say a random otkazat'sya woman. I don't know, it just fits.

Apart from this, it's really heartbreaking how here the Darkling is described neither as a powerful Grisha nor as a cunning warrior. But as a handsome boy that fell in battle and now in death he looks so innocent. So peaceful at last.

And Alina wants to know. Cares to know. Who treated him so gently?

Just like I said before, Alina decided this. Not for the people, not for Nikolai, not for Mal.

But for herself. And I bet for the Darkling too. Perhaps she didn't want him to be alone in his funeral pyre either. 🥲

The crowd was complaining 'cause for them the Darkling was the villain, the man that frightened them and put them through too much.

What did an evil man do to deserve a funeral pyre beside a Saint that was so beloved and revered?

But for Alina (right now) he is just the boy Aleksander Morozova and he deserves this funeral alongside her body.

I'm kinda confused here.

I understand why the Soldat Sol attended the funeral since they were devoted to the Sun Saint but I expected for the Grisha to be mentioned more here.

Two of their leaders are dead.

The Darkling, that was their General for God-knows-how-many-years, and Alina, who also led them from a point afterwards.

I'm not saying that I expected them to mourn the Darkling. But where are the Etherealki? The order that the late Aleksander and "late" Alina also belonged to? They should be at the front lines, right?

Why aren't the Grisha mentioned at all in this scene?

(I swear Leigh created the Grisha, gave them a sad, violent history and then threw them into the bin😭)

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if some Grisha really felt sad about the Darkling's death. For some he really represented an end to the constant Ravkan wars and bloodshed. The man that would give them freedom from all of these. He was their safety, their leader, a guardian even. And the fact that so many (supposed) Darklings existed for centuries now, that feeling of safety was only enhanced 'cause he was a constant presence to the Grisha's side.

It's kinda cringe to me that these people mourn Alina even though they had never truly known her. They had touched her and prayed to her name but they didn't know her truly. As a person. They mourn an idol.

Also, the fact that Alina doesn't want to be recognized particularly from the Apparat. If she still had her powers she would use the Cut to him LMAO Those bitter feelings haven't left her. (And I agree with her, he was a creep and a jerk).

(Also, how the FUCK is Nikolai immaculate 24/7?? NIKOLAI WHAT'S YOUR HAIR AND SKINCARE ROUTINE??😭😭)

It's kinda sweet how Nikolai searches for Alina and her approval to begin this.🥹

These two🫶

The crowd is weeping and yelling for Sankta Alina. The polished, idolized version of her that they created. For them she was a Saint that they considered a legend.

But with Alina here it's different. She's mourning for a person that she truly knew. Not a Saint. Not an idolized person created by dreams and fantasies, no. But for a boy that she knew and loved and killed out of mercy and that no one else mourns but her.

It's that contradiction for me.

The crowd mourns a holy person that they never knew but glamorized in their mind.

And Alina mourns for a flawed human being that she knew, loved and felt pity for.

The crowd also showed their grief loudly. While Alina did it in her own quiet and private way.

Alina's name was chanted again and again loudly in a showy manner.

But Aleksander's was whispered with genuine care by a girl that loved him. She said it as a final goodbye to him. From a girl that the Darkling trusted to give his name. And she, in turn, respected it by keeping it a secret and paying tribute to it one final time.

Now she's the only person in the world that knows that name.

(UNTIL "RULE OF WOLVES" CAME OUT AND FUCKED THIS UP BUT LET'S PRETEND THAT NEVER HAPPENED, SHALL WE??😀😀)

I love that scene so much but at the same time it just hurts.so.much.

But just like I said I loved the contradiction between the devoted followers who grieved loudly about a woman that they barely knew and a girl who cried soundlessly, mourned in silence and paid tribute to a boy that she loved and he loved her in return and made sure to honor all his final wishes even after he died.

"No grave. For them to desecrate" = She burned his body.

"Someone to mourn me" = Mourned him in his funeral.

"Speak my name once more" = She did in his funeral as well.

"Don't let me be alone" = He didn't let him be alone in his funeral pyre either.

Gonna go cry now.✌️

[princesssarisa]

The next series of tales in Heidi Ann Heiner's Cinderella Tales from Around the World are tales of the Love Like Salt variety.

This is a subtype of Donkeyskin, but in place of a father wanting to marry his daughter, it opens with a different scenario. A king (or just a rich man, but usually a king) asks his three daughters how much they love him. The elder two daughters describe their love in terms that please him, but the youngest says that she loves him as much as she loves salt. (Or that she loves him as meat, bread, or food loves salt.) Because salt is common and cheap, or because it tastes bitter alone, the king takes this as an insult and banishes his daughter. (Or worse, he orders a servant to kill her in the forest, but the servant lets her go, a la Snow White.) From this point on, the story usually becomes like Donkeyskin or All-Kinds-of-Fur: the princess finds lowly work at another palace, somehow acquires beautiful gowns, attends festivities, and wins the prince's love. (Or sometimes, he simply finds her in the forest and marries her right away.) When they marry in the end, she invites her father to the wedding, usually without revealing her identity, and she has the food cooked without any salt. When the king tastes the bland food, he realizes the preciousness of salt, and that his daughter was telling him how dearly she loved him. Then the princess reveals herself and joyfully reunites with her father.

Needless to say, Shakespeare lovers will recognize this scenario. While King Lear was allegedly based on true events in ancient British history, the fact that it contains a common fairy tale archetype seems to imply that the story as we know it is more legend than fact.

I don't personally like this type of Cinderella story as much as other subtypes (or King Lear as much as other Shakespeare plays), for a very personal reason: my autism and self-diagnosed ADHD, which cause Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria. Seeing the princess rejected because of a misunderstanding by the father she loves more than anything is heartbreaking to me, because all my life, I've been irrationally afraid that my loved ones might reject me if I mistakenly say or do something they think is wrong. I tend to feel as if the king is too easily forgiven, because while my head says it just shows the princess's immense love and grace, my heart feels as if it means "He deserves her forgiveness, any parent could have made that same mistake (including yours)." But I suppose the solution is to look at the story from the king's point of view. The king arguably shows Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria: he only rejects his daughter because he feels rejected by her and his heart is broken. Arguably, when he banishes her, he's behaving like an AuDHD child howling and raging at his mother because she said "When you act like this, I don't want to be near you" and he heard it as "I don't love you anymore." When his daughter helps him to see her love and forgives him, I should see it as a reminder that my rejection fears have no real foundation, just like the king's sense of rejection by his daughter was wrong, and that my loved ones will forgive me for my mistakes too.

Besides, a case can be made that the princess is also in the wrong, for describing her love in such plain and "untender" terms that her father couldn't understand. @queenlucythevaliant has posted eloquently on this subject and has even written an interesting retelling of the story with this interpretation. It applies even more to Shakespeare's Cordelia, with her seemingly cold and clinical talk of love as a duty, than it does to the fairy tale princess, who at least means to convey that she loves her father more than anything, and just words it badly. Arguably, all Lear really wants at the beginning play is to hear warm, tender words of love from his daughters, and Cordelia chooses to be morally right rather than kind.

By the way, I don't know if this is true, but I've read the suggestion that the Love Like Salt tale might have originated as an attempt to bowdlerize Donkeyskin, replacing the king's efforts to marry his daughter with a different way of demanding too much love. So when people talk about possible incest subtext between King Lear and his daughters, especially Cordelia, they might have a point whether Shakespeare intended it or not. The folklore the story grew from may have been born from still older folklore where the king did have incestuous love for his daughter.

@ariel-seagull-wings, @adarkrainbow, @themousefromfantasyland

[marsycozycorner]

Yukamitsu sexuality headcanon!

Yo! This is my first time writing about Yukamitsu and its been a while since i wrote a long ass headcanon for characters so if my grammar is not the greatest i hope you don't mind it! i'm trying my best! and its my first time posting a long hc here on tumblr! This took me 2 weeks to do so i hope it doesn't flop ><

Anyways! These are my hc of yukari and mitsuru and how they found out that they are lesbians and in love with each other :3

Yukari

For Yukari she used to identify as bisexual for quite a while in her life as a lot of boys in high school were interested in her always asking her out but she would most likely decline but she does go out with some if she’s interested in them or they caught her eye! She has dated a few of them but some didn’t really end up well or some ended on good terms but weren’t for each other. Yukari also keeps up to trends by picking up on fashion magazines to see what’s the current fashion which she always is in awe and tries it out and she also realizes that she loves the girls on there which made her think “oh wow the girls in this magazine is so cute!” And sooner or later she realizes that maybe she’s into girls too? So she started to research on the web as now she was questioning herself. Is she straight? Bisexual? Or a lesbian? Back in the early 2000’s lgbtq+ wasn’t talked about on the internet but she still figured out what she identified as and at that time she identified as bisexual. 

After that day in school she would have eyes on some of the girls and realizes omg I really do like girls too and she goes up to them and talks to them which some of the girls gets flattered as Yukari is a popular girl in school because of how cute she was and both boys and girls admired her so it was known to her that some girls liked her but were just too afraid to ask her out as they thought Yukari would look at them differently but Yukari doesn’t as she doesn’t judge them for who they identify as so she took the first move and asked some of them out. She wouldn’t lie that the dates she has been with the girls she asked out were actually the best dates she had as they share the same interests with her and they could relate with each other a lot. After these dates she had dated 2 girls, one ended in a heartbreak and the other on good terms which then she took a break from dating for a while as she realized wlw relationships hurt a lot and she needed time healing. 

But that didn’t stop her from liking girls instead she fell harder for girls. She realizes she leans more to girls now and when she locked eyes to the intelligent and elegant red haired girl, Mitsuru Kirijo, she realize that she’s not bisexual anymore, she doesn’t want to date boys anymore she saw herself marrying a woman in the future, living in a beautiful house together, sharing kisses and cuddles with the women she loves, being there for each other when times are hard and spending the rest of her life being in love with the women she chose to be her partner forever. She was super lucky and also a lesbian mess when she joined SEES and shared the same dorm as Mitsuru as she would have to work together with her and the rest of SEES and she was such a hopeless lesbian everytime Mitsuru comes up to talk to her she could feel her heart beating so fast but she has to act normal or Mitsuru would know what’s up but there was one point of time where Yukari was so in love with Mitsuru that when Mitsuru came up to her she felt really blushy which made her face red and Mitsuru realizes and got concerned and though that she was having a fever which lead to Mitsuru placing the back of her hand on yukari’s forehead which was the first time Yukari has felt physical touch from Mitsuru and Yukari fainted. Because she couldn’t take it anymore and when she woke up, Mitsuru was right beside her bedside monitoring her asking if she was alright when she saw Yukari slowly opening her eyes. Yukari felt like this was a dream but it was reality. Mitsuru Kirijo is right beside her right now and they are alone in her room and she wondered if she should ask her out right now or it would take a long time to find the right opportunity again. As much as Yukari was super scared to confess to Mitsuru as she doesn’t know if Mitsuru is interested in girls so she asked her first.

“Hey Mitsuru I know this is weird to ask you right now but I’m just curious… are you by chance interested in girls? I mean if you don’t want to answer it’s totally fine I understand!”  Yukari said nervously and blushed, she felt like she was about to faint again.

“I mean I guess I am? I’ve never really liked boys if I want to be honest with you Takeba, I always felt that I love girls. But just asking why did you ask me that? I’m okay with it, no stress but it was just so sudden of you to ask me that question.” Mitsuru said in a questioning tone, twirling her hair while waiting for a reply from Yukari.

This wasn’t Yukari's first time confessing to a girl. Instead she has done this a few times and she was always the one willing to make the first move but she doesn’t know why she’s so afraid now. Is it because Mitsuru and her have grown to be close friends and doesn’t want to lose this friendship because of a silly crush she had on her? Or was it because she was too scared Mitsuru had high standards when it came to a partner? 

Yukari then sat up and faced Mitsuru with a flustered face. She took mitsuru’s hand and held it which shocked Mitsuru but as soon as she tried to speak, Yukari cut her in

“This might sound silly but for a long time Mitsuru I’ve always liked you more than a friend… wait no, love you more than a friend and I couldn’t hold it any longer and just tell it to you right now. I admire you so much Mitsuru. I adore your beauty, elegance and your personality and I would love to give you all my love. GAHH I’m so sorry I spilled too much… but I really love you Mitsuru." Yukari felt like she was about to explode. This was the most scared and flustered she has been in her life. What if she rejected her? Well she had to face it but if Mitsuru shared the same feelings for her back, she would melt instantly.

Mitsuru was speechless; she didn’t know how to react, what to say or just function in the moment when Yukari just gave her the most heartfelt confession she has ever gotten in her life. Yukari was about to let go Mitsuru’s hand as she thought she had made a mistake but Mitsuru held her hand tighter and not letting her go which jerked Yukari’s head up to face her

“I too share the same feelings for you Yukari… I never really confessed to anyone but I really love you too. I-“ Mitsuru who is now blushing madly and covering her face so to not embarrass herself, cut herself off as she for once didn’t know how to confess her feelings to anyone before but Yukari already knew the answer and embraced her in a hug

“I already know, you love me so much.” Yukari giggled and said it in a silly way but it was the truth, Mitsuru really loved her so much she just didn’t know how to express it until Yukari did first. 

Yukari then held Mitsuru in her arms while Mitsuru melted into hers and snuggled up to Yukari and this was her first time feeling the comfort and love from the woman she loves.

Mitsuru

Mitsuru was never really into boys for her whole life because she’s a busy gal! She had no time for love, always trying to improve herself and be on top of her level as her parents had high expectations from her which made her focused on her goals and being better than before! But ever since she entered high school, she has had more freedom and explored more about herself and who she is as she is growing. Many boys and girls instantly fell in love with her either plantonically or romantically and admire her for being just smart and mature. She has gotten confessions here and there but she turns them down as she doesn’t know what to do and has ZERO experiences with romance and also doesn’t want to get into a relationship as she thinks it will be too much on her or she wouldn’t treat her partner well as she's always so busy studying and dealing stuff in the Kirijo group. 

But as years passed by, she met Yukari who just recently joined SEES. She didn’t know a lot of lower classmen but she has noticed Yukari a couple of times as she stands out a lot from the crowd of 2nd years during school assemblies. I mean she literally wears a pink sweater everyday and no one in school wears one other than her and her hair style and color too stands out a lot. Mitsuru can admit that Yukari is cute and maybe she was her gay awakening… just maybe… she ended up being her gay awakening. Mitsuru never found anyone this cute before until she met her and she felt something weird like butterflies in her stomach as one might say. She went to the library one day and picked up books about romance or how to romance with someone (lol but she's trying!!!) She found out that she relates a lot to the books she picked out and how she actually likes Yukari because GOD she just wants to hold her and call her mine.At first she didn’t talk much to Yukari only about stuff relating to SEES but she slowly opened up and talked more about personal or just stuff out of SEES which was going really well and Mitsuru was happy about that. 

It's not that Mitsuru can’t talk to people she can but in this case, she’s talking to someone who she has a crush on and sometimes she can get nervous and fuck up which is very unusual of her since she’s always confident and normal when she talks with anyone but not with Yukari. It has been a couple of months since they both have grown and gotten closer thanks to also being in SEES together (iykyk) and she doesn’t know how to confess her love to her. But! Her dreams came true, Yukari confessed! (Refer to Yukari’s part to see how the confession goes!) and she was jumping for joy. She has never felt romantic love before and she was glad to experience this for the first time with the person she loved dearly <3

[cosmicjoke]

I found another analysis, which, I think, is even better, they all come to same conclusion though:

Eren & Armin are the same age and Mikasa is a year older than them. Levi is around 15 years older than Eren. So, At the start of the series when Wall Maria was breached, Eren and Armin were 10 years while Mikasa was 11. Levi was probably around 25 at this time… 2 years later, they started their training, so Eren and Armin were 12 years old while Mikasa was 13. In that way, Levi was 27 at this point. As soldiers, Eren and Armin were 15 years old and Mikasa was 16… This is when Levi meets them and he's 30 at this point … At the end of S3 when they discover the open sea beyond the walls, Eren and Armin are 16 and Mikasa is 17 which makes Levi 31… In Season 4, the story continues 3 years later, so Eren and Armin are 19 years old with Mikasa being 20 and Levi 34 years respectively…

Also, friendly reminder that the whole chaos from Season 1 to 3 actually happened in just 4 months — people (not you) tend to forget this.

One other thing I just noticed: that person on Twitter (from screenshots) said that Isayama said Levi is probably 30. That’s not true. In that interview he said that he’s in his late 30s, which was later admitted to be a mistake and was corrected, but I already mentioned this in my previous ask so no need to repeat all that lol. Anyway, I’ve read many analyses and they all come to the same conclusion, which is 35 years in s4.

beside the point: I read those two post you linked in my previous ask and your theory actually made me cry; I never looked at Kuchel & Levi’s, or Kenny & Levi’s relationship for that matter with rose tinted glasses, but once you take all this into consideration it gets even more heartbreaking. And that despite all of that Levi turned out to be the way he is is just admiring.

Yeah, that sounds about right, haha. I always put Levi at about 34 or 35 after the time skip. Which means at the very, very end of the manga, when we see him with Gabi, Falco and Onyankopon, he'd be about 38 or 39. He's YOUNG, lol. But people always talk about him like he's this ancient geezer. I guess because Levi is such a serious man. There's nothing childish about him. He's very mature and reliable and staunch. But he's not old.

And thank you so much for your kind words regarding my analysis posts. Indeed, Levi's life has been truly heartbreaking and tragic, especially when you stop to really think about it, what he went through, the things that shaped him, etc... I don't think people ever give enough consideration to just how awful his life has been. I always say it's really a miracle that Levi turned out the way he did. He ended up being the kindest, most compassionate person in the whole series, not because of his upbringing, but in SPITE of it. If that doesn't show Levi's courage and heroism, I don't know what does. Everything in his life should have twisted him into the kind of monster we see Zeke is, or Eren is, or Kenny is, but instead, he ended up being the most humane and empathetic person of all. It's pretty amazing. Levi's amazing. He deserves more credit for beating the odds and being a good person.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Hii Hiiii Modyyy💜 I know we mostly call out anon hate, but there are some blogs that are just as bad as these anons. Like why are you calling CE names?! There is one blog in particular that does it all the time in every post and rant about the situation. The name calling and over-the-top soapbox posts is just…. Unhinged😬

If you think he's a dumb f… and have that much vitriol for him then why follow us and comment on almost every post??🙃🙃 I think it’s so weird and just wrong. I don't get it at all honestly, you think he’s so horrible and what he’s doing is so bad but continue to stick around calling him names? Wouldn’t you much rather spend that time on something better or someone more pleasing? 🫠Seems counterproductive to me. I hate to see it and it sucks too, because you block those blogs, but if they reblog something by a blog you follow you still unfortunately see their comments/posts which is irritating! 🙄😡

You can call someone out on their actions and disagree with what they do without calling him all of these names, bullying him and blogs that don't think it's real. Yeah he was wrong to sign the contract and all of that but it doesn't make him the worst person in the world or some criminal. Makes me wonder how some of these blogs and anons treat people in their actual lives if they’re going to behave this way online over someone they don’t know. 🤔

Sorry this is so long but thanks for letting me vent. 🥹💜

It's okay, N🫶nnie.

I've always said, that my blog is a safe space where you can vent out your frustrations about anything. And I meant it.

As for that blog, I think they're just angry at Chris, and calling him names and sticking around helps her.

And honestly, at this point, things like this that come out when they post something, it's more for the catharsis that comes after. And maybe she does it a lot, because her disappointment, runs deep. And it's actually more sad than anything.

Because you believe in something, or someone. And then they do something absolutely the opposite of what you'd expect them to do. It's heartbreaking.

Also, YES! I know that feeling... Blocks are kind of redundant if the Blocked, pop up randomly 😆 but it's a comfort to know, they can't bypass your block, so they can't attack you.

And besides, ignoring them works just as well ❤️

And know, that every thought and feeling is valid, An🫶n. So, don't worry 🤗

I'll be here should you need to vent again. Don't worry 😊