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clanofjones · 1 year ago

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Ghosts of Our Days: Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen: I Have a Foot But No Head: What Am I?

A/N: Written with @theosb0rnway! This one was genuinely so fun to do! CW for... implied murder? I guess?

<- Chapter 14

Start

Masterpost

Ao3

Karai's POV

"Now, I'm gonna show you what happens when you mess with my family."

"Cas- Skullshot, don't do this. We both want the Shredder dead, we can destroy him together!"

The vigilante shook her head, letting out a high-pitched cackle into the night. "See, that's the thing with snakes! They LIE. Now you've got one more chance to tell me where that motherfucker is."

"I don't know! Believe me, I want to find him just as much as you do-"

"Sure ya do. Like I said, lying snake." He hissed those words and shoved Karai's wakizashi to her neck. Karai didn't back down.

The wakizashi dug into her flesh a minute amount, and Karai hissed, taking the insult to heart, as her skin turned to scales and paled to a ghostly white as her snake hands hissed at Casey.

“Like I said. Lying snake.”

"I know it's you in there, Casey,” Karai began, and held her arms up in what he hoped was a gesture of peace — probably not a wonderful gesture, given that her snake hands were hissing at the vigilante, but the gist was there. “What would your family think of this? Your father, your mother, do they even know what you're doing? And your little sister-"

"My father doesn't give a shit about me, my mother is dead, and you LEAVE ANGEL OUT OF THIS."

"I knew it was you. I don't know how the others haven't noticed yet. I'm sorry about your mother. Nobody should have to endure that. I can relate."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, this whole 'my mom's dead too' shtick won't work on me, bitch."

Karai doubted that. "What would she think of this? Of the atrocities you've been committing? All for what? To defeat the Shredder just like everyone else wants to?"

"It doesn't matter what she thinks, she's been gone for years! Shredder took somethin' from me and I'm gonna make sure he gets EXACTLY what they got."

It took Karai a second to process. "It's Raphael, isn't it? That's why you left, that's why you're doing all this!"

Casey growled and pushed the sword into her neck."DON'T SAY HIS FUCKING NAME, YOU NO-GOOD FOOT SLIME!"

"Casey, please, I can help you-"

"Your time is up, Karai. You're gonna die, like all snakes should, but unlike that weird myth thingy, you and your stupid snake face ain't coming back any time soon."

"Wait, please-"

Casey pulled the blade back, and in one blow, carved through flesh.

Karai’s body fell scales returning to skin, snakes on her arms retreating into fingers, and an appendage fell a short distance away as Casey smiled, picking it up.

"I think I'll take you home. Raphie's gonna love to see that I killed a Foot leader! One step closer to Shred Heeeaaad!" She finished the cheer in a sing-song tone.

As he walked away, an extra pep in her step, she turned the limb over and smirked at the decapitated head of Shredder’s protege, as blood trickled from Karai’s severed neck.

April's POV

As she stared at the body on the coffee table, she only had one question, which she voiced in only a whisper.

“Where's... where's her head?”

Shinigami burst into tears again, and Mikey gave her a glare so powerful April wanted to melt into the floor.

Donnie and Leo couldn't do anything but stare, both of them still in utter shock.

It was only hours before that Karai had been in this very lair, alive, well, and very much in one piece.

Finally, Leo looked up, his own eyes filled with tears.

”Skullshot.” He whispered— no, growled, as he grit his teeth and let out a primal scream, falling to his knees.

No one said anything else, not daring to move as Leo reached his arms toward her, pulling away at the last second.

How could he touch her like this?

That was for Shinigami to do, not him, and she was clearly elsewhere in her mind, trying to recover from the loss of her love.

Suddenly, she stood up, climbing off of Mikey and grabbing her phone. She made a call in whispered Japanese, before sitting back down again, saying something into Mikey's ear.

“Uhhh... Shini's bringing her whole crew over, ‘cause it's not safe for them outside.”

“Obviously.” Leo hissed. “Skullshot made sure of that. Donnie, let's go set up the dojo. April, stay with Shinigami and help her... with Karai.”

He stood up quickly, and Donnie followed, like a robot matching towards its destination.

April couldn't move. Did this confirm all her worst fears or destroy them?

Casey knew Karai was their ally, but at the same time, she'd also been their enemy for quite some time and her Foot group was still the Foot. She took a deep breath in and let it out, finally walking over to Shini and Mikey.

“Shini?” She put a hand on the other girl's shoulder."How can I help you?"

“Keep her here."

"What?"

"Until- Until we find... the rest of her, keep her here."

That made sense, wait to give Karai a proper burial until after her head had been found, but there was no place they had to put her, and they weren't going to take her to the local morgue without raising suspicion or starting a murder case that would only draw Skullshot out even more and cause damage that the city and the police didn't need. She'd have to ask Donnie about a safe place to put the body for now.

"O-Okay. I'll... talk to Donnie later about finding a place for her. But... can I help you at all? This can't be easy for you, Shini. I know how close you and Karai were—"

"I should never have let my guard down for him. That Skullshot boy is an enemy to us all now, and a greater threat than any of us feared!" Her voice broke, and she stared at April, makeup down her cheeks, her brown eyes wide with anger and fear.

"Even my Karai could not see what he was, and now, now… SHE IS GONE BECAUSE OF HIM!" Mikey flinched. Shini noticed, rubbing his shoulder to calm him down, and probably herself too. "All I can do now is get my people to safely and... hope that he does not attack again." She buried her head back into Mikey's chest.

April sat down on the bench next to them. She tilted her head upward towards the ceiling to avoid looking directly at Karai, or at least what was left of her. She wondered how no one could find the head at the crime scene, they usually always got there before the cops did, unless someone took it.

No way, April thought.

Who just takes a head and not the entire body? Then she remembered who she was dealing with and realized that the whole idea made absolutely all logical sense.

She was interrupted by Shini's phone ringing again, which announced the arrival of the Foot at the sewer entrance.

She got Leo from the dojo, hoping the distraction would do him some good. Judging by how lifeless he looked when he got back, leading at least 20 Foot soldiers, it didn't do shit.

The Foot soldiers, on the other hand, seemed a mix of confused and fearful, most of them only partially in uniform, if at all. They were all ranging between their teens and late twenties, from what April could see of their faces.

One girl, holding her half-folded uniform against her chest, was pulling up the rear of the group, eyes bouncing around the lair as if she were trying to take in everything.

Shini let out a breathy sigh, and repositioned herself, blocking Karai from the view of the doorway.

“We must cover and move her,” she said in a whisper, and April nodded.

“Should we get, like, a sheet, or something?” Mikey whispered.

“Yeah. Probably. Don’t want any of the others to freak out,” April replied.

Mikey ducked and weaved through the recruits, and out of April’s line of sight.

“Where is a safe place to move her?” Shini asked, voice hoarse.

“Uh, probably the med bay.”

Shini nodded. Luckily, Mikey was quick with retrieving the sheet— an old, worn, brown one that April could only guess had been previously used as a makeshift tarp for some of Donnie’s more… Colorful experiments.

April dimly acknowledged that they might want to invest in a morgue as Mikey disentangled the cloth, and stretched it over Karai, until she was covered, more or less. At least most of the blood was dried by now.

Shini took hold of Karai’s upper arm and underneath her shoulders. “Help me, and hold her ankles,” she instructed to April, before turning to Mikey. “If you would, directions would be appreciated.”

And so they walked, Mikey mumbling a direction every few paces, April felt something well up in her stomach, and her eyes went glassy with unshed tears. Shinigami had given up on restraining herself, crying ugly tears.

When they arrived, after five careful minutes of averting her gaze from Karai’s corpse, April caught sight of the med bay door. Mikey held it open, and stood in the doorframe, back to them, casting glances down the hall in case anyone came to look for the leaders of the New Foot Clan.

Shini and April laid Karai down, and Shini tucked the sheet under Karai’s neck.

The trio exited the med bay, all three uncharacteristically silent, with the return to the dojo uncharacteristically so.

April noticed that the girl she had seen before had managed to get into her Foot garb, and was bouncing on the balls of her feet, glancing about. Shini noticed her looking and gave her a look that April couldn’t quite figure out.

“We should probably feed these guys,” Leo whispered, having reentered their vicinity. He sounded no better, and April was sure he was just searching for a task.

“We have old pizza, fruit juice, I think some croutons, and some doughnuts,” Mikey rattled off. “And some actual fruit, I think. Maybe stuff for really small, crunchy bread rolls.”

“Smoothies and bread rolls,” Leo decided as Shini sat down again, making a futile attempt to wipe the tears away.

“We got a blender, right, dude?”

“Yeah, the one you used a hot glue gun on, because we kept trying to throw in the air for target practice after we got our weapons.”

April smiled at the mental image.

“Oh, right.”

April sat, leaning against the wall, next to Shini, and leaned against her. Shinigami scrubbed at her eyes again, her makeup smearing, before drawing April into a half-hug while the blender whirled in the next room over. Leo tentatively sat on Shini’s other side and put an arm around her.

To Mikey’s credit, though his culinary skills had been off-and-on according to April, the smoothies and bread rolls were halfway decent.

“I should speak to them,” Shinigami said in a hoarse tone as if she hadn’t used her vocal cords in days.

“I can go with you,” Leo offered.

“That would be much appreciated, Leonardo. Thank you.”

Which left April, alone. She made her way to the dojo, passing Leo and Shini on her way. She sat down on a sheet, laid out presumably by Leo and Donnie, next to the girl she had noticed before.

The girl’s eyes darted to her and did a swift double-take.

“You’re April O’Neil.”

Uhm… Yeah. Did we fight before, or do you just know all of us by name?”

“My Senseis have spoken of you. Mostly good things. They keep a handful of photos of all of you in their quarters.”

“‘Mostly’ good things?”

“Karai says that you’re abrasive and reckless, Shinigami says you don’t think much in a fight. They agree that you are a good one, though. And a decent kunoichi.”

April frowned, and her brow furrowed. Obviously, this girl wouldn’t know Karai was dead, but it didn’t bring her any less of a shock. “That’s… Better than I expected, to be honest.”

The girl let out a puff of air and a smile with it. April took the moment to look at her up close. Her skin was a darker brown than April originally thought, and her dark hair was caught up in a braid.

“So,” April began, trying to sound as normal as possible, “You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“Aria.” She took a sip from her smoothie, before turning to look at April. “Alright, who made these, and what’s in them, because these are good, but I don’t wanna develop a fascination for, like, peacock innards or something.”

April let out a soft laugh and looked at her incredulously. “Peacock innards?”

“I dunno, if you guys have anyone who worked as a lunch lady, then I could be eating cardboard with marinara sauce and a basil leaf on it instead of pizza.”

April looked at her with a look of bewildered pleasure, apparently frozen on her face. “Alright, Mikey would never let that slide. Nobody is safe from pizza smoothies, though.”

Aria looked between her and the smoothies like April had sealed their fates to one of eternal torment. With smoothies. “Why. Why is that a thing. It’s literally oil but liquid-ier.”

April shrugged. “Your taste buds become neutral after a bit.”

“How long is ‘a bit’?”

“Like… A couple of months.”

“No offense to any of you, but I don’t want to be living out of the sewers for that long.”

“Yeah, no, you’d get crazy sick if that happened.”

“Say, how come we got called down here? I was having a nice post-training nap.”

April faltered and contemplated how much of a truth to give this girl. On one hand, she didn’t want this girl’s smile to disappear. On the other, she didn’t want her trust in April to disappear either.

Lucky enough for April, Leo and Shinigami reentered, neither looking particularly cheerful about the news they had to deliver, if the heavy expressions were any indication.

Aria, as well as the other Foot members, swallowed the vestiges of the meals, before standing at attention.

“You might as well all sit,” Shini said, and they followed suit, but not without an odd glance at each other.

“Hai, Sensei!”

Shini glanced around, almost as if finding something other than the elephant in the room to touch upon.

“This is Leonardo, and he and his family have kindly enough extended their home to us for our refuge. While we are here, we must treat it with utmost respect.”

“Hai, Sensei!”

A bout of silence passed, and one Foot member stepped up. “Sensei, were our security measures not apt at our headquarters? We performed a security check five hours prior to your call, and we agreed that we were safe.”

Shini opened her mouth, then closed it again. “It was not a dissatisfaction with our security,” she said.

When she did not continue, Leo continued. “Have you all heard of the new vigilante, Skullshot?”

There were a handful of nods.

“Good. You have heard of how this person has been taking out members of Shredder’s Foot Clan?”

More nods.

“In… recent developments, Skullshot does not seem to have the distinction between Shredder’s Foot Clan and this, New Foot Clan.” After a small pause, he added: “He has killed one of our own.”

There was a beat of silence, but not an unknowing one. It was one of unpuzzling, and April saw Aria’s eyes dart around the room, doing a succinct headcount.

She let out a tiny gasp around the same time that April began to see reactions from the others.

“Skullshot has murdered Hamato Karai.”

The reactions were spilling much faster now that they had climbed the hurdle. Shinigami nodded, and tears slipped past her already finicky control.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, April found, as she curled in on herself, head in between her arms and knees.

“NO!” Someone screamed, and April heard a person begin to hyperventilate.

She uncurled a bit and saw Aria, on her feet, frozen, as her chest heaved, a purely broken look on her face, as tears welled in her eyes.

Mobility slowly returned to her body, and Aria’s arms raised to rub up and down her arms, which were turning into fast scratches, and April was afraid she’d tear the cloth and hurt herself.

“Hey! Hey,” she said, and sprung up, her own face feeling remarkably wet. “Calm down, it’ll be okay.”

“You don’t know that!”

The din was ear-splitting, and April could see Leo and Shini attempting to restore calm as Mikey and Donnie looked into the room. She knew that she shouldn’t be this invested in calming down a single girl, but she couldn’t very well leave, could she?

“No,” April agreed softly. “No, I don’t.”

Aria stumbled on her feet, and very nearly fell, her face scrunched up as tears cascaded down her cheeks. April took a step forward, and an unneeded arm shot out to steady her. Aria met her gaze and glanced at her arm.

April froze for a moment and wondered if a knife was going to be pulled on her if she didn’t make her intentions known. She was already crying, April couldn’t make her feel worse.

So, she extended her arm a little, in an invitation for a hug. Aria shuffled back awkwardly and brought her hands up to scrub at her face. April dropped the arm, and a pool of guilt and jumpy regret welled up, settling into her bones.

“You… You’ve got other things to worry about,” Aria said, and her voice broke into a wobbly mess of sound, and she sat on the floor, glaring at her drink.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t help you out,” April reminded and sat next to her.

“You shouldn’t need to. You knew her longer than I did.”

April didn’t point out that a hefty chunk of her memories of Karai had been of the latter attempting to capture or kill her or the others, whereas Aria’s were likely genial. “Maybe. But you knew her too.”

Donnie, Leo, Mikey, and Shini were all running around the dojo, attempting to calm the Foot members.

“I should be able to do this.”

April didn’t have an answer for that.

“I can’t do this.”

April didn’t have an answer for that, either. She just extended an arm — an invitation — one more time. Aria accepted it this time and gave April’s shoulder a squeeze too. They both stared at the ceiling, with the horrified sounds of other Foot members surrounding them, holding each other loosely, only an arm around their shoulders.

A/N: You know what? You guys have been great readers.

Have the best thing I have ever animated :)

Excuse the rampant style change, this took three months because we all know animation is hard. I used Krita and IbisPaintX.

@theosb0rnway I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS IT IS MY MAGNUM OPUS

#ghosts of our days #TMNT 2012 #fanfiction #ao3 #animation #animators on tumblr #2012 casey jones #2012 leo #2012 donnie #2012 karai #2012 shinigami #shinirai #can I tag rasey?#raph's not even here but he's referenced #2012 rasey #2012 mikey #2012 april #original character #I have an OC now and she is my child. I will cause her suffering- stay tuned

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ioannemos · 2 years ago

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wow, fun asks. here: 2, 4, 10, 20, 29, 35, 42, 44, 47, 49, 58, 62, 64, 65

wow, lots of questions haha 😁

talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

the only thing that comes to mind atm is actually the reverse of this. a character told me "i'm not doing that," i said "yes you are," and the character said "no i'm not and your story is DEAD now." it's been about a million years since i worked on it so i don't even remember what it was. the fandom was star wars, i remember that much...

what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

i'm not sure, tbh. my foodless bubble city concept has finally been put to use in a fanfic, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe my reverse aladdin plot bunny? had that one for a while. no existential dread bc, like, it's neat, but i'm having fun with other stuff

at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

there must be a title or the story is not written down. period. even if the title is boring or lame or doesn't quite make sense, it Must have a title or it stays in my head

my standards are not high, tho. i'll name it a word in the story's epigraph, a suitable verb/adjective/noun, a phrase from the song that inspired it, etc.

what is your favorite trope to write?

is hurt/comfort a trope?

give us a spoiler for one of your stories.

rodney never recovers

[bc i will wonder later: silence like darkness]

tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot.

jason. thinks books are boring. watches anime. could probably bench press a pick-up truck. works out for fun. enjoys cheap beer and spicy food. could kill you several different ways without even bringing in weaponry other than his body and training but would rather challenge you to dumb stunts like 'who can balance on a chair's two back legs the longest' or. well basically anything in my 'boys will be boys' tag

he is. such a jock. short king. borderline himbo. i love him

describe the aesthetic of a story in 5 words.

exposed, wind, reaching, cowboys, post-apocalypse

[bc i will wonder later: manifest]

any writing advice you want to share?

write what you want, fam. don't worry about being unique or cliche or whether people will like it, or even whether you'll finish it. write for yourself first

what story are you most proud of?

hmm. madonna in orange

do you want to be published some day?

hoo boy. uh. maybe??? idk. it sounds like a lot of work and a lot of time and you have to finish the story... not a realistic dream

what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it?

don't remember but it was probably how to spell a word, does this word mean what i think it means, or looking up psychosis (again)

what’s the weirdest reason you’ve ever shipped something?

the weirdest one off the top of my head is also probably my weirdest ship, obi-wan/shmi. i started shipping them when i realized they were relatively close in age, had to raise anakin, and never met in canon. it started as, idk, kind of a joke? but now i'm kinda into it

what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve read?

went looking through my bookmarks and ah yes, Nothing Says "Feel Better Soon" Like Grand Theft Larceny (white collar fic)

what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve written?

i am weirdly attached to no such thing as an innocent bystander but i also like manifest, wandering stars, how to be forgiven, the house at the end of the world, laqueus, madonna in orange...

#thank you #morfinwen #let's talk #ask #asked and answered #writing is hard #my muse is a monster #personal #abbie needs a twitter

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magicofthepen · 4 years ago

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i am Extremely interested in the titles of every single one of your wips but i am actually begging you for details on 'Veega my beloved' because she is also my beloved <3 (🤝 our unity bullshit ❤❤)

Send me a WIP doc title (list here) and I’ll talk about it!

I’ve had “something Leela/Veega” on my fic idea list since Time War 3 came out....but it’s your fault that this fic has skyrocketed to the top of my priorities now, thank you so much for jumping into this sandbox with me <33

Initially I wasn’t sure whose pov I wanted to write from – we know Leela, we know her baggage going into this world and this relationship, and exploring all those internal emotions could be really interesting? But at the same time we don’t know Veega very well and so *insert “It’s Free Real Estate” gif*

So the project evolved from “something Leela/Veega” to “Veega character study” because I realized if I was writing from her pov, I wanted/needed to know what baggage she’s carrying when she meets Leela, and that means this fic has to be about her life and her backstory.

I keep thinking about Unity as the end-of-the-line, a place people end up when they have nowhere else to go (I feel like there’s actually a quote about this but I can’t find it right now so it’s possible I made that up?) So I see Veega’s backstory as one of running, of losing one home and building another and losing that one too. There’s tragedy throughout her life, but she keeps choosing to create a home as much as she can wherever she is, and keeps choosing to love even in this universe that’s tearing itself apart.

And since Veega’s father was a soldier who died in battle (and she references the battle by name when she’s talking to Romana, as if Romana would have heard of it), I see her story as one of running from the Time War specifically – sometimes she’s ahead of it, sometimes it catches up to her and tears at her world.

The fic is going to be structured around that idea of loss and rebuilding – I’ve kind of split it up in my head into the different families she builds throughout her life? So starting off with the family she was born into – her parents, I’ve invented a younger sibling – and seeing where she grew up and what that world and that family was like (I’m thinking maybe she originally grew up on a farm, and so there’s a ‘coming full circle’ narrative with the farm on Unity, and also she’d have certain skills and memories to lean on when she’s starting the farm on Unity later in life?). And then how that world falls apart – the death of her father and something that forces her family to run/scatter in some way (still working on this bit).

For her second family (when she’s a young adult), I have vague ideas for this group of twentysomethings all on their own who become close friends as they’re all thrown into the same work environment or running in the same direction together.....again, a lot of the details of this fic are still tbd. But I think this part is likely to be quite spaceship-based? It’ll depend on what I decide for how she got separated from her mother and sibling and what kind of work she gets involved with (Veega’s work experience/background is something I’m still thinking about).....but if the first part and next part of the fic are very grounded on a particular planet, I like the idea of telling a story here about her finding a home while hopping from place to place – there's never the same ground under her feet, but there are the people she loves around her.

And then we hit Things Get Bad, Round 2. Also very nebulous right now? In general, I don’t want to just kill of or have her get separated from everyone she’s ever loved throughout her life, but she is definitely quite alone by the time she meets Leela so.....yeah it can’t really be a happy backstory?

But I think Rayo’s father is going to be one of the people in that friend group, so there’s some continuity-of-family there? And I can get into the backstory of that relationship, and then how they eventually ended up alone together on Unity. And this is the third family – the two of them setting up this life on the farm, and Veega getting pregnant, and them preparing for this kid who they’re so ready to love and do everything they can to shield from the war.

And then, not long after Rayo is born.....yeah. (This fic really is just me continually ripping the ground out from under Veega’s feet unfortunately, but also that cycle of loss is what I want to explore – particularly because it parallels how Leela keeps losing one home and finding another one, so by the time they meet they’ve both loved and lost so much - but they still choose to love again.)

So Rayo’s father dies, Veega’s alone with baby Rayo on the farm, things are very rough.....and then Leela shows up, injured and alone, running from the city and the slavers she recently escaped from. And I’m going to spend quite a bit of time on this family (of course). The early days: Veega taking Leela in and taking care of her, Leela protecting her and Rayo (if Leela’s way of dealing with grief is throwing herself into a fight, Veega’s is throwing herself into caring for others). Them learning to communicate (bc language barrier – I could handwave it and say the Trell, who must have given Leela the ability to speak the language on that planet in Mother Tongue, left her with that ability – but I want to try exploring the idea of not having a translator?). And the eventual shock of learning that Leela’s from Gallifrey, and processing that (honestly I could write a whole fic just on that, so I’ll probably just touch on it here?). Growing into being a family, falling in love (and I know it’s from Veega’s pov, but I’ll have to at least indirectly touch on Leela’s motherhood-related trauma and initial wariness around Rayo because of it, and Leela’s complicated emotions towards Romana and Narvin and how there isn’t any closure there so it’s hard to let go?)

One thing I haven’t completely decided is the exact relationship backstory I’m going with for Leela and Romana and Narvin in this fic – it’s not something the fic will get into too much, but I’d like to know in my head? But there is a good chance I’ll end up making this fic What We Choose compliant. I want my post-Time War fic to be a WWC ‘verse fic and I want to get into Leela’s grief for Veega in that fic, so it is all nice and convenient if all the fics can co-exist in the same universe, even if the Veega fic won’t formally be part of that series? And I like the idea of there being an overtly romantic backstory there, because then I can explore how not ever ending things with or being able to talk with Romana and Narvin affects Leela re: getting into a relationship with Veega.

I would actually want to explore a different relationship backstory for those three for the Everyone Escapes Unity AU.....but that’s not an active project/as likely to actually get written, so I probably won’t let that factor into things.

And back from that tangent: so eventually, we once again hit the Things Go Wrong times – the raids keep getting worse and worse. The shadow of the Time War is looming.

Veega gets sick.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted this fic to go right up until her death but I think it will – because I want to touch on Romana and Narvin showing up, and how Veega resents them for crashing into her life but also is glad that they’re hear because maybe Leela will have people to lean on after Veega is gone. Maybe, if they get the TARDIS, Leela and Rayo can run when they need to and continue to keep away from the war as long as they can.

Stylistically, this fic’s gonna be along the lines of knock the ice from my bones or leaned in and let it hurt, with shorter scenes spanning a (in this case very) long range of time. It’s in vague outline stage right now – I’ve got this general structure, but I’m in the process of figuring out what scenes I actually want and making actual proper backstory decisions. It has the potential to end up quite long, but I also don’t want to go overboard – there’s a lot of coloring in the lines I could do in future fics, this one is meant to sort of sketch an outline of her life? So I want to make sure I’m being selective with how many and which scenes I’m including, and if they’re each contributing to the thematic through-lines.

So this fic is gonna take a little while, but most definitely watch this space :)

#unity family #leela x veega #gallifrey audios #veega #leela #sircarolyn #thank you for sending this!! <33 i love talking about the unity family #i don't have anything written yet and i'm in the process of starting to recover from major burnout #so my writing might be even slower than usual over the next many months #but i am committed to this fic especially <3 #ramblings #asks

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jklovesfandoms · 2 years ago

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I haven't seen anything like this (except that one literally amazingly written fanfic) yet, but I feel like I am very qualified to talk on this subject, and I want to talk about it, and maybe possibly avoid the ignoring of this conversation before it starts.

Quick TW, bc it is dark, I will be talking about SA with a few details, but not going into super duper specifics, so please don't feel pressured to read this just bc I'm talking about RTC and Constance Blackwood.

Also, please don't read this if you think you'll mentally struggle bc of it, please prioritize yourself and your mental health over me projecting and not quite shit posting.

Please put yourself first over my projecting and ranting. And take care of yourself <3

So, if you've seen the musical, or read the script, you know that Constance lost her virginity to a carnie in a port-a-potty, about 3 hours before the Cyclone derailing.

However, I'm going to include this part of the script, bc it's very important. "He was ancient. Like 32.... Anyways, my virginity. I just wanted to get it out of the way. I just wanted to do it, so I didn't have to think about doing it anymore. No, actually. I just wanted to lose it in the most horrible way possible. 'Constance the lifer, lost it to a carnie, in a crap-box, in a crappy town! Why, of course she did...' " She says this right before Jawbreaker, the monologue leading into Sugar Cloud, if you were somehow not aware.

Now anyways, my projecting.

Constance is talking about her virginity like it was the only thing she had to offer. She also lost it to a man who is 32 years old. She is canonically 17.

Now, do I believe that this started consensually? Yes. I don't think it stayed that way.

And before you go "James, but how can you say that?"

I'm a survivor of SA. I lived through (not at all the same situation) but very similar SA. It started off consensual, and very quickly my no's were not being heard, and suddenly I was SA'd in the side stage and dressing room of the theater that I had longed to call my home for years. Suddenly, I was SA'd in the bedroom of my ex-partner, who was the one who did it. Suddenly, I was SA'd in my own bed. And sadly, many other places.

So yes, I'd say I'm very qualified to speak on this. I hope, for Constance's sake, it started off consensual, bc in my experience, it's worse when it doesn't.

Also, just the way she's talking about it. The way she mentions it so casually. Emotionally, yes, but casually, even more so.

That is exactly how I talked about my multiple SAs.

I made jokes, constantly, about me "having intercourse" with my partner at the time. I put "having intercourse" in quotation marks there, bc it was only consensual a handful of times. It wasn't intercourse, it was SA. Now of course, I'm still recovering. It's been over a year, but it's still a struggle.

Constance Blackwood hasn't had a year. She hasn't even really had a day. Sure, she had an ambiguous amount of time between her death and the start of the musical, but based on how the choir reacts, it wasn't processed time for them. The world was spinning, and then they were in a warehouse. Which means, that by the time Jawbreaker/Sugar Cloud happens, she's had approximately 4 hours to process.

Let me repeat that.

Hours.

OF COURSE, SHE'S MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT

One time that I was SA'd, about 4 hours later, I was on a discord call to play some random online game with some ex friends. I made so many jokes about what happened, making it sound consensual, bc I didn't want my friends to worry. I had barely processed the fact that my pleading hadn't been heard yet. That wasn't the first time, and it wasn't the last, but it still took me a full 3 days to process that it wasn't right.

Constance wouldn't have had ANY of that.

(Btw, I call them ex friends, bc despite every single one of them being told my story, they claimed that I was so joking and proud of the intercourse, that I was lying about a "perfectly fine man." And all of them, to this day, are still friends or friendly acquaintances with the absolute a-hole who SA'd me.)

Now guaranteed, the choir would have been a lot better friends than those people. The choir would've almost, or actually, murdered that man, as soon as Constance came to terms with what happened, and told them. I believe that the choir cares that much about her, about each other.

However, I sadly can imagine how Constance would've lived if she had either been voted back, or if the Cyclone had never derailed.

For context:

To this day, I have an English class with my SAer. Last year, I had science and English class with him. I also still act with him constantly, because we are both still members of our high school drama club, and we're both male seniors. I get sent into auditory (and I'm sure if I could visualize in my head, they'd be visual too) flashbacks, every single time this man speaks. I can't walk into the theater without getting nauseous, especially in two very specific places in the theater. My heart starts beating an average of 20 bpm (recently it's been 30) faster when I walk to my English class. And yes, I keep track of that due to my watch that tracks my heartbeat. Even my own bedroom. For about 4 months after I was SA'd in my own bed, I struggled to exist in my bedroom. I'd sleep in either of my college siblings beds, on the couch, on the floor, anywhere as long as it wasn't in my bedroom. I refused to change in there, and would only change in the bathroom. I still have trouble sleeping to this day, bc some days are a lot worse than others.

Constance, if she reacted anything like me, would not be able to bring herself to use a port-a-potty for several months, to a year. Not just that specific port-a-potty, any port-a-potty. She wouldn't step foot near another carnival for a year, if not more.

But yk what I definitely project onto her? (totally not in spite of my ex friends)

She'd avoid all that with a smile on her face, and a lie on her tongue.

Bc that's exactly what I did. I got asked, why do you struggle so much in English or science, and I'd lie about homework, about outside stress, and how I just can't focus that well. And I said it with a smile on my face.

I got asked why I arrived 45 minutes early for tech week and performance week of our musical last year, fully ready with costume on, makeup on, and contacts in, with 30-35 minutes till call time started, and well over an hour before mics were called.

I said I was anxious about time, how I just wanted to be ready. How I wanted to do personal warm-ups before the group ones.

I'd say that I sat in the pit (a place actors were not supposed to be) for well over an hour bc I didn't want to over heat, and it was the coldest place in the theater. How the dressing rooms were just too crazy. That I wanted some time to talk to some online friends, or play games on my phone. I wanted to check my props and set pieces, I wanted to make sure I didn't still have the fake cigar in my bag.

And I said it with a smile on my face, and lying right through my teeth.

At the time, I was (and still am) anxious about time, so I arrive everywhere 30 minutes early. I was ready early, but I didn't have to be that early. I never once did personal warm-ups. I sat in the pit bc it had the calmest scent (bc of all the lumber), and kept me calm before having to face people. The cold kept my heart rate lower before it rose from dancing, running, and hearing my SAer's voice. The dressing rooms were 20 times more chaotic at the end of the night than when I got there. I didn't have any online friends at the time, I only had 3 games on my phone. I checked all of that other stuff the moment after I entered the theater and signed in.

You can't tell me that Constance wouldn't do that exact same thing. She would very happily lie through a smile if it meant her friends were happy and not in the know. And she would keep doing that until she broke. Yes, she would break eventually. Even if the Cyclone never derailed, she would've broken just like it was supposed to.

Her moment, talking about this right before Jawbreaker? This monologue that brought me down this rant, that brought me to tears the first time I saw it bc it was exactly how I reacted, exactly how I acted? This is her first crack in the wood. It's the first shatter in the mask. And I wish we got to see her fully break, bc I know exactly how that looks and feels.

I know the fear, the pain, the panic, and the overwhelming sense of relief that comes with a proper break.

It's the reason that Sugar Cloud is my second favorite song, that's basically in a three way tie for first with Jane Doe's Ballad (3) and Space Age Bachelor Man (1). We don't see a full break, but Sugar Cloud is at least accepting that it happened. Sugar Cloud is recovering from the small shatter in the mask that is the title of "The Nicest Girl In Town" and I love it. It's exactly what I need, and it's exactly what calms me down. It's recovery, and it's a break at the same time, and I adore it.

Anyways, I don't really know how to end this? Bc I went very very far off track. I don't know how this post happened, but it did, and it feels really good for this to actually be off my chest a little, even if it's only on the wide open internet.

So, if you did actually read this, thank you. Sorry for just getting dumped with trauma, even if I tried to keep the details a little down.

But yes, as an SA survivor, Constance Blackwood is one too, and that's why Sugar Cloud is amazing.

Stream Ride The Cyclone, I promise it'll be more than worth your time.

#ride the cyclone #rtc #ride the cyclone musical #constance blackwood #constance blackwood rtc #constance rtc #this is just a rant at this point #please dont read this if it causes you harm #genuinely i am pulling from my own trauma #but anyways #man i love this musical so much #i love constance blackwood so much #listen to the rtc album #and especially listen to sugar cloud #literally saves me from a panic attack on the daily

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chosonore · 4 years ago

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summary: choso always takes good care of you, whether you're sick or not. even when you're sick and slightly delirious, your opinion could never be swayed - you loved choso with all your heart.

a/n: honestly, this is purely self-indulgent because i'm sick and i want a choso to take care of me until i know what's wrong and get better 🥺 it's inspired by the naoya fic i've written a while ago but uh this just really reads like a love letter to choso lol. i love him so much i'm not even kidding, no one could ever compare to him

if you were to describe the relationship between choso and you, it would be comfortable silence. choso didn't speak a lot, rarely starting a conversation on his own unless he was overcome by sudden curiosity. truthfully, you didn't mind as you were a quiet person yourself. and somehow, the communication was effortless, a silent and mutual understanding of your needs. he made you feel comfortable and safe, cared for as he always seemed to sense what you needed. falling in love with choso was easy and so natural, as if you'd been lovers in your previous lives. you'd been a couple for a long time now, but it wasn't until recently that you moved in with him. almost instantaneously, a routine was established - while you were busy with your studies, choso spent most of his time at the tattoo studio he recently opened with his friends. you didn't mind because still, he always made time for you. with no shadow of a doubt, he would always prioritize you before anything. so, every bit of time that you could get was spent together.

as any other day, you woke up alone in your bed, the scent of freshly brewed tea wafting through the air. choso sometimes left early in the morning to work on administrative tasks or tidying the studio but never failed to prepare you a little breakfast beforehand. as you sat up, a wave of nausea overcame you, quickly forcing you to lie down again. it was only then that you noticed you felt strangely cold and your nose was stuffed, shuddering uncomfortably in your clothes. it was rare that you got sick, so everytime it did happen, it drained you rapidly. blindly reaching for your phone, you texted choso, blinking at the bright screen.

me: i think i got sick :( can you pick up some medicine on your way home?

almost instantly, your screen lit up.

choso 💉: ?

"hello?" you croaked as you accepted choso's call and sniffled quietly.

"are you okay? do you want me to come home early?" choso might have sounded indifferent but you knew better. he would never show his concern to you, always wanting to keep his strong and protective persona. he was just that kind of person, he lived to be a good example to others.

"no it's okay, choso. i think it might be a really bad cold, that's all. i'll be fine if i get enough rest."

a hum. choso didn't sound convinced.

"then get some rest, yeah? make sure to have some tea. i'll wrap things up here and come home in a bit. call me if you need anything."

you hummed in agreement, making a weak kissy noise as you said goodbye to him and chucked your phone on the night table. no matter how much you wanted to convince him to continue his work, he would come home regardless. it didn't sit well with him to not care for you while you were sick. a small smile found its way onto your lips, how lucky you were to have found a lover like him. as you drifted off to sleep, choso was quickly finishing his paperwork, earning some amused glances from his friends. it was evident that this had to do with his girlfriend - choso would never let anyone tell him what to do nor do them any favours if it wasn't someone he deeply cared for.

"you're really speedrunning through everything to get back home to y/n, huh? you only got here," geto teased him, looking up from the sketches he was preparing for display.

"she got sick this morning. wanna be there for her in case it gets worse. i don't have any appointments for today anyways so you'll be fine," choso curtly explained, not picking up on geto's teasing undertone. even though they liked to joke about how whipped he was for you, they never questioned him - you were his love, his light. if anything, they envied him for the relationship, a relationship that flowed so effortlessly and easily like a spring working its way through bottlenecks and rocky river beds, silent and yet strong. geto pat choso's shoulder and shot him a knowing look, reassuring him that they could run the studio just fine.

even if you didn't sound like your afflictions were severe, choso still felt uneasy. he wanted to make sure you were okay, wanted to care for you. maybe it was moreso his fear of losing people he loved, but he couldn't deny his caring nature. on his way home, he'd picked up some ingredients to make soup as well as some medicine. music was sounding through the apartment as he entered and placed the bags on the counter, keeping an eye out for you. were you still in bed? he padded towards your shared bedroom, quietly nudging the door open as he squeezed his way in. you were laying on the bed, giggling at a book you were reading, not having noticed him yet.

the bed dipped next to you, making you drop the book you were holding. choso's twin tails came into your vision until you could see the entirety of him hovering above you, scrutinizing your figure in thought. "hi baby," he greeted you with a gentle smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "how are you feeling?"

"kinda achy and cold," you described with a pout, leaning into choso's touch as he brushed your hair with his fingers. "did you bring me some medicine?"

choso nodded, explaining that he'd be making you some soup as it was better not to take the medicine on an empty stomach. he wrapped you in the blanket before disappearing in the kitchen. you listened to the sounds in the kitchen, feeling more at ease now that he was home. you must have fallen asleep as the soup was done, its savoury scent rousing you from your slumber. as the primary cook in this household, choso's cooking skills were excellent and never failed to amaze you. sometimes you couldn't believe he was real. choso kept an eye on you as you munched away, handing you the medicine once you were done. he joined you on the bed, wrapping his arms around you as he pulled you towards him. you were placed on his lap like a baby, making you giggle as you leaned against his chest.

"will you play with my hair?" you requested with a small yawn. choso obliged, weaving his fingers through your hair as he worked through the knots and massaged your scalp. you hummed in relaxation, struggling to keep your eyes open. instead, you focused on the tattoos on his arm that was placed around your waist, tracing the patterns with your fingers. when you first met, the skin on his arm was sparsely filled, he'd only started on completing his sleeve tattoos. it was a slow and gradual process. you were always the first person he'd proudly showed a new addition to, and in a way, the tattoos marked the journey of your relationship. you were thankful for him, thankful to have found someone who silently understood you.

he was too hesitant to ask you just yet as you'd told him years prior that you weren't sure about getting tattoos but you knew he wanted to be the one to give you your first tattoo. maybe you were delirious from your sickness, maybe it was then in that moment that you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, maybe it was your overwhelming love- "choso? i think it's time i get a tattoo soon."

choso's hand came to a halt and he made an incredulous noise. "y/n, i don't think- it might be better if we discuss this when you feel better again."

"no, i'm serious. it's just... i trust you so much. you always take good care of me and you're just always there. i'm uh- i honestly can't imagine my life without you, i just love you so much," you confessed with embarrassment, hiding your face in your hands as you finished talking. choso chuckled as he pried your hands away, pecking your lips in adoration. he looked gleeful, as if hearing your admission of love for the first time - the feeling was mutual, you just couldn't believe he was yours.

"we'll talk about this again when you've fully recovered. but i'm happy that you trust me with this."

"i'll be fine soon, i just need a lot of vitamin c," you giggled hysterically. "vitamin choso."

choso groaned but couldn't stop the laughter tumbling from his lips either, opting to tickle your sides and blowing raspberries into your shoulder. you squealed, trying to push him off you before being pulled back into his arms again. choso buried his head in the crook of your neck, placing a kiss on it. he didn't show you his face, not wanting you to see his teary eyes.

"i love you a lot, you know?"

"i love you more."

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen imagines #choso #kamo choso #choso kamo #choso x reader #kamo choso x reader #choso x you #kamo choso x you #jjk imagines #choso imagines #jjk x reader #writing #if anyone's out there please send me choso dhshsgsb i'm just starved for someone to take care of me

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insomniacowl · 4 years ago

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Neon genesis Evangelion Analysis Chapter 23: Katsuragi Misato Part 2 Dear Shinji, this is my will.

Misato: So you don't want to meet your dad?

Just like me

Let us start from the beginning. The scene in the first episode where Misato drives down to meet Shinji. Her first words to him were, "Sorry, I made you wait." This, I believe, is the first of many times their interactions will revolve around the theme of "Waiting." The line also contrasts with her final words to Shinji, "Let's continue when you get back."

Her cross is first brought to our attention through Shinji's eyes as Misato shields him from the blast of explosions from the Self-defense force's missiles used against Sakiel. Then, on their way to NERV, Shinji confides to her about his feelings towards Gendou. Misato empathizes, saying, "You're just like me," pointing to their commonalities.

She later consoles Shinji as he refuses to pilot Eva-01 and tells him to "Not run away from himself." At this point, she was already seeing herself reflected in Shinji, and those words were meant for herself as well.

After this point, Misato constantly finds herself reflected on Shinji. While it has a positive influence, like in episode 1, it also frequently caused Shinji to hurt. One criticism viewers lay on Misato is the sarcastic tone she sometimes takes when talking to Shinji about his actions. "You don't want to pilot the Eva? With that kind of determination…. What a pain!", Is one of the harsh words directed at Shinji. Even in episode 12, her cold reaction to Shinji's contemplation regarding Asuka is also, in its own way, infamous.

Yet, if we consider that she sees a lot of herself in Shinji, those lines come to represent her self-contempt rather than how she sees the fourteen-year-old. Misato was not really in the position to take care of teenagers if we consider her character flaws.

While such actions are worthy of criticism, there is room to empathize considering the traumas she had to endure, which has shaped the kind of "Adult" she became. As a young child, she was in the center of the Second Impact, and the psychological impact has led to her being mute for a few years. However, she seemed to have eventually recovered. Perhaps to compensate, we are told that she became an overly happy and talkative person. On top of this, she has studied hard and become a student at the Second-Tokyo city University. She met and began living with Kaji in the year 2005, at the age of twenty. According to Ritsuko, she even had a week-long sex marathon with Kaji, where neither of them left the house during the period.

To elaborate on her constant need for physical pleasure, we can start from the glimpse of her inner monologue we get during the instrumentality. We learn that it was one of the few things she had control over that made her feel alive when she was intimate with Kaji. Yet she breaks up with him because She saw a glimpse of her father reflected in him, although that was what got her attracted to him in the first place.

What are you embarrassed about? You wanted the man you love to see you for who you were. NO!

I wonder about that. You wanted your father to see you for who you were. That's not true!

We can identify Misato as struggling with Electra Complex (Oedipus Complex for girls) regarding how she views her father. She then attempted to quench the thirst for affection her father failed to provide her from a different man who felt similar to him. This can be observed through Kaji and Shinji. Two people sharing the same character flaws as her father (Workaholic and being bad at human interaction) being the two people she opened herself up to (Mentally, emotionally, and sexually). Misato was hoping to compensate for the loss she suffered and recover from her past trauma using her relationship with these two.

Consciously or unconsciously, she likely understood this side of herself. She felt disgusted by herself, leading to her breaking up with Kaji while punishing and labeling herself as someone "Undeserving to love." While her relationship with Kaji was open and overtly described in the series, some of you might wonder how Shinji is involved in this process. Especially regarding the sexual aspect of this analysis.

We can definitively say that Misato and Shinji do not share a simple Guardianship relation. But the discussion about Misato and Shinji can wait for now. First, let us discuss Hyuga Makoto.

Hyuga is seen approaching Misato as more than just a direct superior at work (Especially after Kaji's death). "Only if it's with you (I don't mind dying from the base self-destructing)." It is a telling line that highlights Hyuga's feelings that he begins acting on in the latter part of the series. Turning him into a more dimensional character. While Misato seems to be aware of such advances, we never see her acting on it. Neither accepting nor rejecting him outright. Since this is at the low point of her emotional journey, Misato would have been okay with anyone. Thus, it makes us wonder if there could have been more intimacy between the two off-screen. I'd argue that Hyuga died a virgin (or at least that there was no sexual relationship between the two) based on Hyuga's fantasy during the instrumentality.

To bring our discussion back to Kaji, we are shown that he was the first man she trusted and gave her first intimacy to. At the same time, she was someone Kaji was able to trust and be vulnerable with. We never see either of them refer to each other by their names. While the reason is not depicted, we can make an educated guess and say that it stems from their determination to interact professionally. Without letting their (embarrassing) past hinder their work.

But perhaps it was destined that this guise was not meant to be. In episode 15, we see the two confide in each other. Misato laments about her father and her regret of not being a good lover for Kaji. Kaji embraces and accepts her of it. The last time they ever shared a bed, Kaji gives her his final present. His death led to Misato shedding many tears, but the present helped guide her to her next step. Before this point, we see her constantly drinking her favorite beer, but never after this event. All we see her drink from then on is canned coffee, Kaji's favorite drink. And now, two peoples' worth of "Will" lived on inside her. One from her father, the other from Kaji.

Now, let's discuss the last "Male" in her life: Shinji. As mentioned earlier, Shinji was more than just a child under her care. Shinji's first introduction of Misato was through her photo that she sent him. It is a revealing photo of herself with arrows drawing attention to her breast. As a side note, the actual words in this image were written by Anno himself, and the lipstick mark was from one of the female Gainax staff.

From the photo, we can see that Misato wants Shinji to see her as more than a potential caretaker (as ethically should), but as someone of opposite gender and a "potential" love interest. Although, of course, we can brush it aside as a part of her quirky and fun-loving attitude. But the problem arises in the latter part of the series where this attitude crosses the line. The suspicion is confirmed in the official pamphlet's character introduction describing her as Shinji's family + co-worker + superior + "lover."

Misato: Shinji, I'm going in. This is about all I can do for you right now.

Shinji: No!

The scene central to this discussion happens in episode 23 when she takes her seat next to Shinji, who is grieving the death of Second Rei on his bed. Although surface-level reading is, Misato wants to hold his hands to comfort him. If that is the case, the line "This is all I can do for you right now" is unnecessary. And not only that, but Shinji's rejection of this advance is also too strong to justify the conclusion of the surface level analysis. If anything comes to mind about an act that two grown-up adults do on the bed is "Sex."

Even if we try to give the benefit of the doubt and stay at the surface-level conclusion that is psychologically comfortable, this is Evangelion. It refuses psychological comfort. The film book released by Gainax has a note about this scene that says, "Misato is attempting to give Shinji her body." This is even alluded to in the shot right before the line, the head of the chair being where Shinji's Penis would be, and Misato coming to sit right on top of it.

Throughout the series, both Misato and Asuka approach Shinji as the "Other sex." it's natural for Asuka since they are the same age. However, it is unnatural to think of Misato (Who is twice his age) approaching Shinji sexually (neither should be accepted). So let's dive into how Misato might think about that. As early as episode 2, we are shown Misato yelling at Ritsuko through the phone, saying, "There is no way I will lay my hands on a boy!". This is perhaps foreshadowing what she will be doing in the later part of the series. So what changed in her throughout the series that she would end up trying to lay her hands on Shinji sexually. Did she genuinely believe that it was the only way she can console Shinji? Or perhaps there was a more selfish reason, to distract herself from the sadness of losing Kaji? Well, it could be both. There is a middle ground and an explanation that I prefer. Kaji was the only man she allowed herself to be vulnerable with. Because the best means of communication between the two have been sexual, she most likely believed this to be the most effective way to empathize and be vulnerable with Shinji.

We can see this as another manifestation of her Electra complex if we consider that Shinji also reminds her of her father.

As many of you are aware, Evangelion borrows concepts from psychology and is strongly influenced by Freudian psychoanalysis. Psychological terms are heavily used, especially in later episodes. The characters' internal conflicts are put into the spotlight in episodes 18, 19, and 20. All these episodes use terms from psychoanalysis for their title. Let me touch on each of them briefly over here. Episode 18's title is "Ambivalence." It refers to the coexistence of two conflicting emotions (Love and hate) regarding something and was coined by Eugen Bleuler in 1911. Freud borrowed this term in his analysis. His followers believed it to be an essential state that leads to the sadistic sub-phase of development. Episode 18 is also when the dummy-controlled Eva Unit-01 destroys Bardiel. Thus the title can also help us understand the Destrudo-led sadistic destruction of the dummy program.

Episode 19's title is "Introjection" and was a term heavily used by Freud. It is the unconscious adoption of the ideas or attitudes of others and a psychological defensive mechanism used by the ego to minimize anxiety. Almost every human being goes through this phase and is a part of healthy development as an individual. Episode 19 is when Shinji emits a strong dose of Destrudo and achieves a 400% synchronization rate. Here, we can try to explain the use of this term for the episode title in two ways. The first is to refer to the synchronization process of the pilot and the Evangelion. Secondly (and more specifically to the episode), to refer to Shinji becoming an individual that has become a part of Unit-01. Becoming a part of Unit-01 who have just absorbed the S2 engine and become as though god.

Last is episode 20, titled "Oral stage," and is the stage central to Freud's theory of Libido's development. Libido is the potential sexual energy, and Freud categorized the development into four distinct stages, starting with the oral stage. During this stage of development, the child clings onto its mother's breast for nourishment. This is also when the child begins to develop the ability to distinguish between themselves and the other. The significant happening of episode 20 is salvaging Shinji from Unit-01's Core, trying to bring Shinji back as an individual and away from the comfort of his mother. This can be seen to parallel the child leaving its mother's womb and coming to be born into its own person. And to add, they had to inject Libido into the Core to salvage him.

To return from our long detour, Evangelion is a series that heavily draws its conceptual inspiration from Psychology and Freudian psychoanalysis. What Freud posits, and perhaps most central to his scholarship, understands that desires created by both Libido and Destrudo, any forms of mental energy are irresistible and irrepressible. That is to say, if during one's development if any of such mental energies' expressions are disturbed and blocked off, it will results in the development of harmful coping mechanisms as an adult. In the case of Misato, her father's absence resulted in the absence of ways to healthily release her Libido. Therefore, Misato's inappropriate advance towards Shinji could manifested the harmful coping mechanism she developed as a child.

Losing her father as a child resulted in dysregulation in Libido. Losing Kaji, the only person she truly loved, left Masato broken. At this point, she had no other way to release her desires other than laying hands on a vulnerable child. When both Shinji and Penpen refused her the physical affection she needed, she could only find comfort in listening to Kaji's final voice message in repeat. Yet, she did not lose all possibility to recover. She was able to dry out her tears and began to follow the road her father once took. This leads her to analyze the evidence Kaji passes onto her and begins questioning the truth behind Rei. By the end, she manages to reach close enough to understand the "Truth." This is how she was able to explain to Shinji what was going on. She also experiences character growth through this process, becoming able to fully understand and empathize with the pain of others.

This is also when we see her starting to differ from Asuka. While both lost Kaji, whom they both loved, Misato comes to accept this loss and can carry herself as an adult. By the end, she was mature enough to send the grieving Shinji to Unit-01 during the End of Evangelion. While Misato has always convinced Shinji to get on the Eva, now, she was different from the past. Unlike in episode 4, where she emotionally manipulated Shinji into piloting Eva. Unlike episode 12, where she drew a hard line and coldly forced him. In EOE, she was no longer forcing Shinji out of her own hatred of the angels. All there was, was a grown adult's desire to convince a child that "Life is worth living." Even if she were to die during this process. All there was, was Misato's advice as an adult to the crying child. And it was this "will to live" that was passed on from Misato to Shinji.

Misato places her necklace on Shinji's hands and wraps his hands around it. Just as how she once held onto it while facing death in its face. Her father's memento. The love towards one's family. Hope for humanity. And all else that the cross symbolized. And the cross passed on from Misato to Shinji like the passing of the torch. To pass on the will to live. This was followed by a grown-up's kiss, just like how Kaji showed her, the perfect way to, perhaps the only way to fully communicate this will and pass it on. To want the other to continue living and hoping to live on as a part of their memory.

With the kiss, Misato stopped pretending to be Shinji's inept guardian.

She sent Shinji off, hoping that he could become a grown-up who can stand by himself.

Misato: You will be alone from this point on. You need to choose for yourself.

Shinji: No. I can't.

Misato: Crying isn't going to solve anything, either!

Misato: You hate yourself, don't you? That's why you hurt others. Deep down, you know that you suffer more when you cause someone else pain than if you just let yourself get hurt. But Shinji, that was your decision, so that makes it a valid choice. That's what you wanted, so that makes it worthwhile, Stop lying to yourself, and realize that you do have options. Then accept the choices that you made.

Shinji: But you're not me. You don't understand!

Misato: So what if I'm not you?! That doesn't mean it's okay for you to give up! If you do, I'll NEVER forgive you as long as I live.

Misato: I'm not perfect either. I've made tons of stupid mistakes, and later, I regretted them. And I've done it over and over again. A cycle of hollow joy and vicious self-hatred. But even so, every time, I learned something about myself.

Please, Shinji. You've got to pilot Eva and settle this once and for all. Find out why you came here. Why you exist at all.

And when you've found your answers, come back to me. Promise me. See you soon.

Kaji: Go and do what you can. No one will force that choice on you. Think for yourself and decide for yourself. GO and do what you must right now. So that you don't live to regret it.

Misato: If I had known it would end like this, I would have changed the carpet as Asuka suggested.

Many discussions about Eva centered around her last words, the one about the Carpet and Asuka. Most of the theories have interpreted it with the spilled coffee during the instrumentality scene. I'll touch on the scenes shown in instrumentality in future chapters. But for the discussion here, note that the coffee was not spilled on the carpet during the instrumentality scenes. So I'd instead interpret this line separately from it. Personally, I believe this to be Misato, as an adult, regretting not being as kind and compassionate as she could have been to Asuka.

Unlike Shinji, who she managed to pass on her will and true feelings, she did not have that privilege with Asuka. Instead, she wallowed in her sadness, not looking out for Asuka, who was herself suffering from traumas and grief. The regret of not being a good guardian and not making the home comfortable for Asuka would have hit her as waves of regret crashed in as she laid bleeding cold on the floor of section R-20.

After Shinji, who she just sent off, Asuka, who she feels sorry for, After Penpen, who was always there for her, Kaji now crosses her mind. Was she waiting for his praise for passing on his will to Shinji?

As though she can see him, she stares at the sky. Right before the explosion, we see Rei standing over her. Perhaps it was Lilith who traveled through time.

And we come to the final scene of the EoE. Shinji and Asuka are lying down on the shore, staring at the sky. At this moment, we are reminded of Misato through the cross, now nailed to a wooden post. The cross has come to symbolize Misato's hope and dreams for the two children who will now be growing up into two adults. Will Misato be able to revert back to her human form by her soul desiring it? Nobody knows. But I don't think that matters. Because now, Shinji carries on her will.

Let's continue when you get back.

I'm back. Welcome back.

Welcome Shinji, this is your new home.

I'm back.

Welcome back!

Sorry, made you wait!

TBC Chapter 24: Ritsuko Part 1 Mother and Daughter

#Neon genesis evangelion #Evangelion #Eva #End of Evangelion #Nge #Nagisa Kaworu #Lilith #Sci-fi #Ikari Shinji #Soryu Asuka Langley #Asuka #Ayanami Rei #rei #Anno Hideaki #Katsuragi Misato #Kaji Ryoji #Anime #Analysis #Review

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whyyoudothistomecavill · 4 years ago

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Don't - Chapter 1

Hello everyone! This is my first time writing fanfiction. Chapter one is an introduction to the kind of relationship the characters have and, in future chapters I will fill in the gaps left in this part.

But first, let's see how this one goes.

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

I took the name from a song written by Jewel. Go and listen to it. Trust me, after the first verse, THAT person will pop in your head. Never fails.

Before we jump in, there's a few people I need to thank:

@littlefreya for helping me with the editing since I don't have a beta yet, for encouraging me knowing what a big deal this is for me, and for all the things you already know. I'll always be in your debt.

@mary-ann84 for making me feel welcome since day one and putting up with me and my annoying questions at any time of day. Girl, you deserve an award for patience.

@radaofrivia for taking the time to read my ramblings and giving me the reassurance I needed. For showing up out of nowhere when I was almost defeated by my lack of tumblr comprehension and explained everything to me with the patience of a kindergarten teacher. Greek god Henry sent you my way, I have no doubt.

There aren't words enough to express how big of an inspiration all of you are to me. To be able to call you my friends, fills my heart with extreme joy and gratitude. So again THANK YOU.

I took the liberty to tag some people, to some I asked for their permission, to others I didn't, so if this bothers you in any way, just message me and I'll fix it, there's absolutely no obligation and I won't be offended.

With that being said, let's get to the point.

Title: Don't

Pairing: Henry x female reader.

Word count: 1682

Warnings: Angst, fluff, and if you squint your eyes you might find a bit of smut.

Summary: Henry and reader are a couple living together for 1 year. Reader have struggled with self esteem issues and insecurities her whole life and when she met Henry, she thought she had left all that in the past, but certain events made her realize that her soul is far from being healed.

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction written by me. Please don't post it anywhere else without my permission. Reblogs here are welcomed of course. Thank you.

"Are you ok, darling?"

"Yes, honey"

"Are you sure? You don't seem ok"

"I'm ok, Hen," you smiled, "I'm just tired. I wanna get home, have a shower and then go to bed"

He didn't seem convinced but he didn't ask again. The rest of the ride home was silent, you looked out the window and prayed for the strength to act like everything was normal, while he concentrated on the road and hummed along to the radio.

But you knew better. You knew that this man, the most gorgeous man on earth, the man you called your boyfriend, the man every woman (and a lot of men too), thirsted for, was also the smartest, the most affectionate and that he paid attention to every single thing, especially you. He could notice the smallest change in your demeanor, he could tell when something was wrong and this time was no difference. He was just giving you time to process whatever it was upsetting you before you could talk to him, but in no way was he buying the "just tired" bs. And you knew it.

You entered the house and discarded your shoes and purse. Henry was taking Kal out of the car and into the house when you said "I'm gonna take a shower," and quickly rushed upstairs without waiting for an answer, you needed to be alone so desperately.

You got into the bathroom and took your clothes off without even glancing in the mirror, you didn't want to see anybody, much less yourself.

The hot water was bliss to your sore muscles, too bad it didn't make a difference to the pain in your heart. You rested your forehead into the tiled wall and felt the water gently massaging your back and legs. You were so immersed in your thoughts that you didn't hear the bathroom door being open. Henry was already behind you, his strong hands caressing your back as light as a feather and his mouth on your ear, "may I join you?"

You turned around and looked at him, at those eyes bluer than the sky itself, at those curls that did things to you just by looking at them, and that smile, the most perfect and genuine smile you had ever seen, it was literally impossible not to smile back at him, it was contagious.

He didn't wait for an answer, he lowered himself to put his arms around your waist as you put yours around his neck and kissed you deeply and tenderly. You knew he did that so you wouldn't have to be on your tiptoes to kiss him, he was so damn considerate and perfect it infuriated you sometimes.

So you closed your eyes and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, he sensed the heat in your kiss and grabbing your behind, lifted you up still kissing you, putting your back against the wall. You instinctively wrapped your legs around him and he broke the kiss to look at you, his hair was tousled all over from the water and your hands. His lips were swollen from the kissing and his eyes were dark with lust but also full of love. Oh,so much love.

"What do you want?" He said, "Tell me. What do you need? I'm here, I'm yours".

Something inside of you broke, it was too much. "I want you, Henry. I need you. Now. Inside of me. Please".

He didn't wait for you to ask again, maneuvering you as if you weighed nothing, he made you descend on his length without breaking eye contact, until you were completely full of him. He started to move, slowly and leisurely making you moan and clung to him for dear life.

He didn't know about the battle that was going on inside you. You wanted him to crawl within you and fill the emptiness eating your soul, you wanted to hold him and never let go, you wanted to stop time. Or maybe go back in time, or just disappear. But for the time being you were just grateful for the water running over both of you, not letting Henry notice that your tears were running as well.

Even if you were shattered inside, your body would always succumb to him, there was no point in resisting, and as he kept moving in and out of you, whispering sweet nonsenses in your ear, the orgasm hit you like a thunder lightning crying out his name, his release following moments later triggered by your loud moans.

He held you still between him and the wall while you both recovered your breath, filling your neck with open mouthed kisses.

He lowered you and you held him tightly, putting your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. It always soothed you. You both stayed that way under the shower in silence, until you started to feel the boiling inside you rising again. "I'm gonna get the towels" you said, "I got it" said he and with a swift move of his long arms, he reached for the towels and started drying you, hair first, then your body, slowly, caressing every inch of it and leaving light kisses everywhere his hands would pass.

He was kneeling in front of you, drying your legs and slowly going up, your eyes were fixated on him and his movements, not saying a word. He looked up, saw you staring, and reaching up, caressed your face so softly it made you lean your head in his hand, closing your eyes. It was like time stopped and you were there alone just savoring that moment, keeping it in your memory forever and you couldn't help the single tear rolling down your cheek into his hand...

When you opened your eyes, you saw the look of concern on his face, "What is it baby? What's wrong?"

You needed to make a choice, so you chose the truth. At least the one truth that wouldn't hurt him: "I love you so much".

"And that makes you cry?"

You chuckled a little, "No, I sometimes get overwhelmed by all these feelings, I'm sorry for being so sensitive" you said, wiping your eyes and smiling through tears.

He stood up and crashed your lips with his, taking you by surprise and lifting you up, carrying you like a bride to your bed.

He got in too, cuddling you from behind and you intended to get up to find one of his t-shirts, your go-to pajamas since day one with him, but he stopped you with his arm around your waist and pulled you against him, your back on his chest, your naked bodies molding perfectly together under the sheets.

You clutched his hand in yours, closed your eyes and tried to ease your racing heart.

His voice took you back to reality:

"Look at me, love"

You turned around in his arms just enough to look him in the eyes, and it surprised you to see, his were a little watery too.

"I love you" he whispered. "I love you like I never thought it was possible to love someone. You have brought to my life the hope that my tired heart believed was lost. I want to spend every minute of every day with you and when my work keeps us apart, I can't wait to share with you every detail of my day. You know sometimes..." he paused, smiling and looking away, "sometimes I have to tell myself *get it together Cavill! You're a grown man acting like a teenager*, but that's what you do to me" he said looking at you again and caressing your lips with his thumb, "You're my fuel, my reason, you're my last thought when I go to sleep and my first one when I wake up, and I'm so grateful to have you that sometimes I'm scared to think that I don't express it enough for you to actually get a glimpse of how happy you make me. That's why I might seem a little clingy around you... I love you and I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, that I'm always here for you, it doesn't matter if I'm working or doing anything else, you are my priority, ok?"

You were a crying mess by now and watching his red eyes trying so hard not to cry, wasn't helping.

"Ok?" he said again, clearly demanding an answer from you.

But your words wouldn't come out. How? How could you tell him? How on earth was he supposed to imagine that he had chosen the worst possible moment to tell you this?

So again you settled for the truth, the only indisputable truth you could give him, and nodding you took his face in your hands and kissed him, pulling him on top of you.

He engulfed you in his arms and broke the kiss to breathe, you covered his face with light kisses tasting the salt of his tears which only added more sorrow to your battered soul.

"Make love to me," you said against his lips. He looked at you through hooded eyes and went for the spot on your neck he knew drove you crazy.

This was the truth. The fact that when you were together you couldn't tell where each of you ended and the other began. The absolute certainty of loving him with every fiber of your being, knowing you could never love anyone else this much, not even in a thousand lives. You never hid it. It was impossible to...

A few hours later, you were watching him peacefully asleep, his features even more beautiful in the dim morning light. You carefully kissed him and placed your head on his chest, he held you tighter against him and said something that sounded like "I love you". "I love you too" you said, granting him again the truth you couldn't deny.

The unspoken truth however, the one he was about to learn, was that in fact, the one you didn't love... was yourself.

Tag list:

@mary-ann84 @littlefreya @radaofrivia @demivampirew @dancingwendigo @seb-owns-these-tatas @viking-raider @cruelfvkingsummer @cherry-acid @achaoticaugust @promptandpros @ladyreapermc @honeychicanawrites @yespolkadotkitty @chamomilebottom @deathonyourtongue

#henry cavill #whyyoudothistomecavill #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fics #henry cavill fanfic

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daiseukiis · 4 years ago

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 ┊ 01 ┊ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐭 ┊ 03

⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀"DOES HE HAVE A DEATH WISH?" kiyara wonders, annoyed at the current predicament.

"won't gojo-sensei be fine? isn't he the strongest shaman?" itadori soon catches up to fushiguro and kiyara who had a head start, kugisaki running right behind the two of them. the two were still confused, what was wrong?

an exasperated sigh leaves the pale blonde's lips, "god, he's not even here but i can already feel that man's ego growing." rolling her eyes they all took a turn towards the school, breaths escaping their bodies in patterns to keep their heart running and going.

kiyara knew this feeling. usually her hitches and feelings towards a certain thing were never wrong so far, why would it suddenly be wrong now?

"that's not what we're worried about." fushiguro explains them, but their confusion increased more than it needed to be. he glanced at them and groaned, 'of course they wouldn't know.'

"it's the two strongest jujutsu sorcerers possibly wiping the school off the map." the blonde says.

there was a pause between all four, the two staring at her back with wide eyes and disbelief. "w-wait... are you implying mizuki-sensei is as strong as him?"

"she can definitely put him at bay."

⠀⠀⠀⠀"fuck." fushiguro breathes out.

there stood all four students witnessing that most of their school buildings wer wrapped in black like mistー shadows. at first their response was that they were under attack, but that thought was dismissed when their eyes fell to the two teachers on the ground in front of them.

one female had flowing chocolate hair, strands which touched the ground as she laid atop their sensei's waist. pure annoyance was written all over her facial as amethyst eyes focus on her target. the strength of her body tries oh so hard to make the dagger in her two hands break through gojo's infinity, but to no avail.

the shaman on his back on the ground had his signature smirk gracing his lips, he was mocking her. anyone could see that her efforts to break his jujutsushiki was entertaining him, and he knew for a fact barely any to none could beat him, and she was no exception even after multiple spars and fights.

it was either a draw or her utter defeat.

"tch, strong bastard." she groans, throwing the dagger away after struggling to stab the snow haired male. the dagger faded into black and disappeared under her shadow. standing up from the mounted position she prompted a hand on her hip.

"still feisty, yusa." gojo smirks at her, yet a tick mark pops above her head and standing up after mizuki.

"please, for the love of the gods leave me alone." she looks at gojo's blindfold, hoping in some unearthly means he would actually listen to her for once in his life. but the teasing she earned right after was not it. "awh~ but your reactions are too cute! it's hard not to."

a straight was thrusted right at gojo's face, one he was able to tilt his head far enough to dodge. attempting to hit her with his right fist towards the stomach, mizuki spun into a round house kick and caught his arm after it extended out whilst her foot was stopped an inch before it landed on his head.

"she's... cool." itadori and kugisaki couldn't help but stare in awe.

"she's second to best from gojo-sensei, but the strongest female jujutsu sorcerer." kiyara glances back to her two companions that were new to the school, smiling at them as they both showed their excitement. "and she's going to be our sensei?!"

"yeah, amazing right?" the smile she gave was bright, kiyara couldn't be any prouder to see others admire her aunt after all the hardships and struggles she's been through.

"i'm just glad that they didn't destroy half the school like last time." fushiguro comments as the two behind him freeze up upon hearing his words. kiyara gives a light chuckle, "we don't talk about it..."

mizuki let go of gojo's arm as she plants her foot back down to the ground, her black coat fell to her calves as it slightly taps her knee high combat boots. black pants and top designed in the same way as almost every other sorcerer, she sighs.

"the new ichinen?" mizuki looks their direction, one click of her heel and the black mist that engulfed the area started to retreat back into her shadow. gojo gave a grin, his hand out gesturing for her to approach the four.

'the shadows disappeared!' itadori and kugisaki's mouths fell as they got starstruck by the simple gesture which unraveled everything.

"yusa, meet kugisaki nobara and itadori yuji." the said two straigthen up when the tall shaman inspected the two, "ryoumen sukuna's host, huh? reminds me of someone."

"right? i thought so too! too bad she's overseas right now." gojo slings his arm around mizuki's shoulder as his chin rests on her collarbone behind her figure, grinning from ear to ear as a thumbs up was shown to the students. she grimaces at his actions, mizuki slaps his hand as a way to tell him to get his heavyass off her.

"who?" they chorus.

"you guys also don't know?!" itadori and kugisaki point at kiyara and fushiguro who flinch at tne sudden upbringing, yelling back at their classmates and pointing at their teachers in resort. "how would we? they never tell us anything!"

"right," mizuki breaks up their yelling fest, right hand planting on gojo's face and pushs it away from hers. the male lets out a string of complaints, which she continues to ignore and successfully pushes his body off hers. her hand lands on her hip and shifts her body to one leg causing her to accentuate her curves.

"where's my daughter?" she demands.

"mimi-chan's right here!" kugisaki takes a step to the side and gestures to the girl behind her. or so, was supposed to be there. their eyes look at the empty space that she introduced, gojo and mizuki furrow their brows as a question mark appears above their heads.

'we left her at kuidaore!' thunder struck behind the three of them, jaws dropping to the ground the moment they realize she was not even on sight. their skin went pale and blood turned cold, the gloomy aura ungulfs the teens as different worse case scenarios play in their mind.

"ah, there you are my little flower." gojo stands in front nomari who stood a few meters away from the group, his hands wrapping around her waist and bringing her up into his arms.

'how did she get there?!' itadori exclaims in his mind, shocked to see the child in perfect condition at her spot. kugisaki let out a small sigh of relief, hand over her chest and quickly smiled so mizuki wouldn't see that it was a mistake, 'yikes... that was close.'

'wait, so she walked here by herself..?' fushiguro ponders making kiyara groan and facepalm softly, 'we're such idiots.'

"hands off her sato. geez, you'll make her stupid." mizuki walks over to the two, her arms out to take her daughter back but gojo only pouts and swerves her, "heey, that's so mean yusa!"

itadori watches with his classmates on how the trio interacts, mizuki being continously annoyed by gojo as nomari kept the expression of her wondering exactly why she was stuck in their quarrel. yet something didn't add up to him, "mizuki-sensei actually looks really young... how old is she?"

in the next second the pinkett was powerfully punched in the face, kicked and screamed at by kugisaki that held a fist at itadori who laid on the ground with a bump on his head. "you idiot! how inconsiderate! you don't ask a lady her age! this is why you don't have a girlfriend!"

"i'm just curious!" he defends.

"it's still rude y'know!?" kugisaki screams.

'good thing i never asked...' fushiguro continues to keep quiet, watching the fuss go one beside kiyara who was just tired at this point. other than the fact she returned overseas from a mission, bombarded with new people and hadn't taken a nap just yet to replenish her dying sleeping schedule. listen, she just wants her bed and food at this point.

"do you know, kiyara?" itadori asks her, popping the girl out of her small break down. kugisaki in the background continued to yell at him for prolonging the situation and asking other alternatives which she thought was still rude concerning that it was about private information about a woman.

"sorry, but i don't. i just thought it wasn't my business." kiyara scratches the nape of her neck, a hand out in apology to the boy. 'well, it was more to the fact that she always looked like she never wanted to talk about it...'

"almost sixteen."

"what?"

"yusa was almost sixteen when she had mari." gojo answers their questions, all eyes turning to focus on their white haired teacher that stuffs his hands into his pockets.

it took a while for them to register what he said, staring at gojo's figure to make sure if he said ant words about joking they would only get mad at him, but it never came. their lashes blink thrice, processing his words as the shock from it barely passed over them.

"that's really... young." kugisaki still couldn't recover from the disbelief, but fushiguro was the first to question gojo on his words. "what do you mean almost?"

"is that because they're both december babies?" kiyara adds on, taking a step forward filled with curiosity. she knew close to nothing about her aunt when it came to her younger days, she never said anything about it which led her to believe that it was a topic one she should never ask about. but now, maybe, just maybe, gojo had the answers to her questions.

"her early high school years is what you could say were the darkest points of her life," he starts, but his attention was nowhere near his students. his gaze fell to where mizuki and nomari were, watching the child hand her mother sweets she bought at the cafe and the smile that would light up the world as she embraced her loving girl.

"did you know the woman right there was known as the disgrace of the mizuki clan? until one day she showed up being as a special grade sorcerer and crashed the main estate, it was really a sight."

"gojo-san, you're sounding like a simp." kiyara snorts.

"i'm not a simp. but you might want to check with yourself if you're not one for, you know." quickly snapping back at her, he smirks and gestures his head with a little nod to the boy that stood beside kiyara.

his words made her cheeks flush, knowing full well he cracked a code he should have not to begin with. "go away!" her arms flung to push the older man from her group, but the blush that tinted her face remained pigmented and prominent. it only got worst when he chuckled, ears being coated by the same pink.

"no can do! i'm your awesome sensei, remember?" gojo gloats as his hands stop kiyara's effortless advances to push him out of the group circle.

the three students stand there lost in the conversation, 'they seem close...'

"can you stop picking on my niece, sato?" mizuki puts a hand on the sensei's shoulder, he grins and stops his movements as kiyara mirrors him, letting out a small huff. nomari shifts over to gojo who notices it and picks her up into his arms once more.

"anyways, get ready for tomorrow." mizuki hands nomari the bag of sweets she had, the child taking out and showing daifuku to gojo. he grins widely and lets her feed him the dessert as the others blink at the interaction but decide to ignore it.

"do we have a mission?" fusiguro asks. mizuki sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and stares at all four students.

"a high grade one."

tags ; @to-move-on-means-to-grow @dearsukuna @sukun4s

notes ; these are probs gonna be all qued bc im lazy

DO NOT REPOST 、 MODIFY 、 CLAIM WORK OR LAYOUT AS YOURS.

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kirishwima · 5 years ago

Note

seeing as you are still up for requests... could I get the boys reactions to finding out MC retricts food & shows signs of an eating disorder (undiagnosed but this kind of behavior has been going on for several years). It's perfectly fine if you don't want to write it, if you're uncomfortable with that topic! I don't want to pressure you into anything and I'm glad for the content you've written so far either way

hey! i don’t mind, i’ve dealt with ednos for years and it’s not something that ever fully goes away, but i feel that talking about it and being open is something that really helps.this is triggering content however, so please be warned, and don’t read it if hearing about eating disorders and behaviors triggers you!

YOOSUNG:

* This boy loves to cook. Loves it! He’s always been looking forward to cooking for his future partner, isnisting he’ll always add a dash of love in every meal.

* So when he sees how little MC eats of his home-cooked meals he feels...disappointed, to say the least. Is it because they don’t like his cooking? They find it too salty? Too spicy?

* He’s too embarassed to ask at first, but after trying out different recipes and still seeing the same response from MC, he asks them about it.

* They just insist they don’t eat much in general, but that they tend to have a lot of snacks throughout the day and that that’s the reason why. Yoosung doesn’t really question it, since it’s true that he’s not with MC 24/7-it’s completely logical that they could be eating whilst he’s not home and being too full by the time he comes back to eat a full meal with him.

* Yet...something doesn’t add up. Even though MC insists they’re constantly snacking, there’s never anything missing from the cupboards, and at night they always insist they can’t eat any more-yet after looking closely at their patterns for a whole day, he swears he barely saw them eat much of anything!

* Eventually he gets worried and sits MC down to properly talk to them about it. He says how much it scares him to see them like this, and how he can see the impact this dietary lifestyle has on their health-how they seem tired and dizzy far too often, and how much it can impact their mental health too.

* He doesn’t expect MC to breakdown when he talks about it all-but seeing them explain through tears to him that they realise this behavior is wrong, but it’s something they’ve been doing for years and have no control over breaks him. He had no idea MC was struggling so much, even thoug they’ve been living under the same roof...

* He hugs them tight, kissing the top of their head as he promises he’ll help them work on it. He has no clue how, and has to ask for a lot of help from the RFA to find a good therapist for MC, but from then on he’s always sitting with them through meals, helping them slowly increase their portion size and distracting them when they get too anxious over what they’re eating. He’ll help them fight through this, together.

ZEN:

* He’s honestly always home late, and whenever he asks if MC already had dinner, the answer’s always yes.

* Yet, when he goes to the fridge to grab some leftover food to eat too, he notices there’s always far too much for MC to have also eaten-not unless they made a triple portion, which he doubts.

* When he asks them about it, MC insists they just made too much food. Soon after though, he notices that the portions do indeed decrease, and that it seems like they did eat-pies would be cut and a piece would be missing, or cutlery would be left in the dishwasher to be cleaned the next morning.

* Yet something nagged at Zen. Call it a premonition if you will, but he simply knew something was bothering his beloved, and he felt that their troubles and the food in the fridge had something to do with one another.

* He’d notice their nervous habit of gripping their collarbone between their thumb and index finger, how they’d stare at the mirror often and trail their hands down their sides with a frown-he tried to sneak up on them each time, wrap his arms around their waist and give them a kiss on the crook of their neck, reminding them how beautiful they look, but he’d be always met with a roll of the eyes or a huff, MC genlty pushing him off of them as they swtiched back to their normal self.

* The last straw came when one morning he asked MC if they wanted to jog with him-they said yes, and yet as soon as they neared the park and prepared to run, he turnt to say something to MC only to find them falling to the floor, squatting down with their head resting on their knees as they took deep labored breaths.

* Zen immediatly picked them up, taking them to a bench to sit on so he could take a proper look at them, notice the paleness of their skin and the sheen of sweat on their forehead from the hot summer air. He gave them some water yet they still shook, their colour turning an almost sickly green.

* He was about to call the hospital when MC stopped him with a shaky hand, telling him that it’s their sugar levels acting up. With a confused frown, Zen dashed to the convinience store across the street, getting a dozen bars of chocolate and a sugary drink and running back to MC, opening the drink for them and forcing them to drink a few gulps of it.

* When they settled down and seemed better, Zen was furious. But more than that he was worried. What happened? This isn’t normal, did they not eat anything?!

* MC gulped down their anxiety and came clean to Zen-told him about their eating habits, how they kept torturing themselves with a constant need of control, how they’d skip meals and over-work themselves with exercise.

* Zen’s heart broke. His MC was going through this all? And he never noticed?

* He swore to help them get through it. He tried to be there for every meal, calling them if not, and tried to show them how fun a correct healthy lifestyle can be. He’d reming them of how much he loved them the way they are everyday, and will never stop telling them so until they start to believe it themselves.

JUMIN:

* He of course learns about it as soon as the chef informs him that MC is either refusing meals or asking him to not cook them at all.

* He’ll waste no time in talking to MC about it, reminding them how important a healthy lifestyle is, and how he can take them to meet his nutritionist for a custom-made meal plan tailored to them and their needs.

* To say he was not expecting MC to break down at that is...an understatement lol. He’s immediatly by their side, holding them close to his chest as they cry and explain how it’s not a matter of meal plans or lifestyle-it’s something out of their control, how getting food in them terrifies them, how they know it’s not right or healthy but there’s this sick sense of power from controlling their hunger in this way.

* Jumin isn’t able to process all of that right away-instead he’ll sit MC down on the couch, his hands wrapped around them as he asks why they’d need to have this control they insist they need over their body.

* “My love, you’re wonderful the way you are, and I fell in love with your mind, bosy and soul. It hurts to even think that you don’t see the beauty that’s in you. However, this is more than just a worry over your appearance, not when you mention how you need to feel this ‘control’ as you say. This sounds far deeper...I think it’d be best to seek out professional help about it. What do you say?”

* He’ll find the best therapist with a specialty on eating disorders for MC to have sessions with, and he himself will sit down with a nutritionist and learn all there is to know about how to help MC recover-how eating frequent small portions helps, how they can start slowly introducing foods they’ve been labelling as ‘bad’ into their diet for variety, and so on. He’d then transfer this ifnormation to their chef, and make sure MC receives each and every one of those meals.

* He’d make absoloutely sure to be with them for at least three meals a day. He’d refuse to leave for work until they have breakfast together, would visit MC at their workplace or ask them to join him at the office for lunch, and have dinner with them back at home, messaging them frequently to remind them to have snacks inbetween meals.

* He’ll never stop reminding them of how much he loves them, and about the amazing things their body can do, quoting facts he heard from doctors and the internet. Hel’ll make damn sure MC knows just how amazing they are, no matter what.

SEVEN:

* This boy...he has such a shitty lifestyle lmao

* He’ll forget to eat so often, and his diet pretty much consists of junk food and soda, yet thanks to the work out he gets from missions, this dude always looks fit, and MC...they love him, but it hurts to always be comparing themselves and the amount of food they eat to their boyfriend.

* It’s a secret competition-they try and find out Seven’s eating patterns, how much he’s eaten in a day and what, and force themselves to eat less than that, no matter what

* Well, no matter how busy Seven may be, he’s always looking out for his dear MC, so it doesn’t take too long for him to realise just what they’re up to

* He’s heartbroken, and initirally thinks he might be the cause of it-has he made MC this way? Have his habits made MC think they should follow suit?

* He’ll sit them down and talk with them, ask what’s up, why they’re doing this to themselves-he might come off as agressive at first, but that’s simply how he shows his extreme concern.

* When MC explans their situation, and what they’ve been doing, Seven is conflicted. He hates that they feel this way about themselves, and hates himself even more for giving MC a bad example to follow. He’s also unsure of what exactly he can do to help.

* He cusps MC’s face between his hands and vows to help them get better, and promises he’ll also fix his bad eating habits, so that they can get better together

* Once Seven makes a promise, he means it

* He’ll immediatly throw out all of the Honey Buddha Chips in the house, much to Yoosung’s dismay, and hold MC’s hand tight in his as they go grocery shopping for healthy meals and snacks to replace HBD. He’ll look online for therapists MC can visit and discuss pros and cons with them, and he’ll even contact nutritionists to help him out.

* He’ll never miss meal times ever again. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, no matter how busy he is, he’ll be there with MC so they can eat together, and he’ll wait as long as it takes for them to finish their meal too.

* He’ll never let them hurt themself ever again.

V/JIHYUN:

* He loves MC very very much, but he’s also...a little daft when it comes to such matters.

* He genially doesn’t realise what MC has been doing, since with work and all he’s often abroad for a few days at a time, and MC always says they’ve eaten when he asks

* He does notice some weird habits MC has-how they constantly seem to be poking at themself, as if feeling for something beneath their skin, how they flinch when he tries to hug them, how they drink a lot of water and tea and coffee and never seem to want any snacks with their evening tea or anything of the sort.

* V only puts two and two together when, whilst cleaning the kitchen cupboards, he finds a box full of bottles with diet pills and metabolism boosters, most of which were half-empty.

* He’s shocked and confused-how long had MC been taking this? Was this the reason he rarely saw them eat? Has he done something to accidentantly encourage this behavior?

* He loves them so much and finds them beautiful as they are, do they not see themself the same way?

* Before talking with MC about it, he contacts his own therapist first, telling him about his findings and how worried he is for his S/O. His therapist gives him some important information on eating diisorders that V wouldn’t have thought of otherwise-how it’s never just about weight and appearance, how it might not even be simply restricting, how just telling MC to eat healthier might not help at all.

* With new information at hand, V takes MC out to a park where they can sit together in the quiet summer afternoon and watch the sun set. There he takes a hold of their hand and tells them how much he loves them, and how he never wants to see them suffer, and that he’s noticed behaviors that worry him and make him think it’d be best for MC to seek professional help.

* He’ll be gentle and discreet, and allow MC to slowly tell him all there is to say about their eating disorder and habits, he’ll let them cry on his shoulder and even cry with them, unable to see them in pain, and vow to help in any way he can.

* He introduces them to his own therapist, who in turn refers MC to an eating disorders specialist, and V is there for them after every session, holding them tight and giving them all the encouragement he can.

* He’ll never miss meal times, and when he’s abroad he’ll videocall MC to make sure they’ve eaten at least something, and he’ll send them encouraging messages throughout the day

* He just wants them to be their best, healthiest self, and he’ll be there for them through it all

hi, your local med student and fellow mentally ill aunty here, to remind you that if you’re suffering from a menal illness and/or eating disorder, please don’t be afraid to seek professional help! no matter what your brain tells you, you’re always worthy of help and you should never be afraid of asking for it-you deserve a good quality of life, always!

-send me a mystic messenger headcanon/scenario for the characters to react to!-

#asks #anon #ed warning #mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger prompts #mysme prompts #mystic messenger headcanons #mysme headcanons #yoosung kim #jumin han #mysme zen #hyun ryu #mysme 707 #luciel choi #saeyoung choi #mysme v #jihyun kim #Anonymous

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bookishfangirlco · 4 years ago

Text

The Traitor Queen Epilogue

This takes place after the ending of The Traitor Queen! Starts out in Lara's POV but kind of ends up a mix of both? Don't ask, I don't know. This is also NSFW cause where’s the fun in it not being that way? I haven’t written a fanfic in forever because I have to do it fresh from reading the book, but there is no fanfiction for this series, and I needed to read this. So I wrote it myself lol.

Part 1 can be read here.

Part 1 & 2 can be read at the link below.

************************

It had been a long day after Aren had told his plan to our people, and Lara had stood by his side through all of it. Even if her body was sore, she refused to show it, and she felt energized by every word he spoke. She wanted an amazing future for her people, she craved for it with everything in her. She had killed her father, and if all goes well, Maradrina, and Valcotta will join Herandale in becoming allies with Ithicana. That meant her people could do more than spend their days fighting for their lives, more than preparing for the next battle. This hopefully meant a future where her people could leave and learn new things. They could follow their passions and see more than their beautiful nation. That also meant others could come here and share their teachings and crafts. It could mean a brighter future for Ithicana. This was everything!

"Lara? Where did you go, my queen?" Aren startled her with a hand on her arm, and with his murmured words, knocking her out of her train of thoughts. They were eating dinner with many of their friends, and her people. It was a celebration, but still meager as it will still be a while before the ships come in with the food they need to really thrive. Her people have not been treating her like a traitor, to her surprise still. There will still those with a bit of distrust in their eyes, but that was the least of what she expected.

She was floored when one of the children she had read to came and hugged her legs with joy to see her again. The little girl had squealed with joy, "My queen, oh you've come back! Will you read to us more? Now, right now?"

Lara had stood shocked for a moment, looking up at the girl's mother to see her reaction. The woman did not appear scared for her child, so Lara had looked down, and patted the girls head. "Hopefully tomorrow we can, if you're mother is willing.", she said glancing at the woman again. Her mother nodded, which made Lara's heart fill with joy.

"Possibly another day little one, you're Queen is still recovering from saving the kingdom."

She looked up at Aren's eyes, as they too sparkled with joy, as she teased," I hardly think reading to the children would be anymore strenuous than listening to you yammer on all day long."

Aren knew she was joking, but also knew that Lara would not back down from this challenge. She would read to the children tomorrow. And as many days as she could after.

"Lara? You're really starting to worry me. Do we need to retire to bed?" Aren stated low, knowing that Lara wouldn't want their people to hear that she might be struggling.

This is what finally popped Lara out of her thoughts. "No, Aren, I'm fine, I promise. Just...", She broke off, watching her people celebrate over dinner, "Just reflecting on the day."

Aren knew what she meant without her having to fully explain. She was still processing being no longer the Traitor Queen. Still processing being allowed to live this life with him. "Ah, I see." He grabbed her hand and kissed it, "I believe I am feeling a little of what you are too, my love." He said this some fire in his eyes.

She felt that fire low in her abdomen, and she knew she was looking at him with a mirror flame. "Maybe we should retire a bit early, my King," she murmured low so only he would hear, "I have to admit that I'm still hungry, but food is not what I am in need of right now."

Aren sucked in a breath, the low flame, now a raging inferno. "Lara..." He trailed off, wavering with indecision.

"I need you. Please." She did not wish to beg, but she longed to share this with him now that she can truly be with him.

"You are still recovering my love. That is far too much for me to ask of you in you're state." She could tell that he wanted her now. She noticed how he widened his legs, making room for his growing arousal.

She leaned close, whispering in his ear, "Then be gentle with me tonight. You can fuck me like our country depends on it when I am better healed."

She leaned back into her chair, meeting his eyes and she knew she had him. She could see it in his eyes as he glanced down at her body, and then their people, and finally back to her lips. She bit her lower lip for effect. She glanced at her people, and it did not appear anyone was aware of their exchange. If they were, they were dutifully making themselves appear as if they hadn't noticed. This was good enough for Lara to make her move.

Speaking up just loud enough for others to hear, Lara stated, "Aren, I find myself becoming tired after this lovely meal. Could you escort me to our room?" Not that she needed help finding her way there, but he wouldn't be able to say no to her.

Aren shook his head slightly and pursed his lips, still thinking he probably shouldn't do this, but still he said, "Of course, my queen." Looking to those around him, Aren said, "Thank you everyone for this first day into our bright future. You make Ithicana, your Queen, and I proud. Have a good night's rest, because the real work starts tomorrow." And with that Aren began leading Lara out of the room.

Ahnna caught Lara's eyes with a smirk and a wink, "Enjoy your first night truly back, your Grace. I do hope you get some sleep tonight." Lara blushed slightly but didn't say anything, hoping no one else heard Ahnna's words. She did meet her eyes though, smiling and nodding slightly. She could tell that Ahnna had forgiven Lara, and she hoped they could become close.

Aren walked Lara through the palace in silence, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was like the calm before the storm. Charged with an energy for what's to come. Aren's hand was on the small of her back, and it felt like a brand. She wanted his hand to go lower.

By the time they reached the room, and Aren opened the door for her, Lara was ready to do whatever she could to convince him. Aren closed the door behind them and she felt him come up behind her, but he hadn't touched her yet. She turned to him, and she saw him rubbing his neck. He was obviously torn still. "Lara...".

"Aren, I promise I'm okay enough for this. You said I rested for 3 days. I don't want to sleep now.", I said insistingly.

Aren made a frustrated growl in the back of his throat, "You've been up all day, Lara, you must be tired. You haven't rested all day, and you are still recovering from great injury. It's not that I don't want you. You know that I want you. I'll never stop wanting you. But I could never forgive myself if I caused you more pain."

She smiled, "If I remember correctly, which I of course do, your Grace, you bedded me right after stitching me up yourself, so this is no different."

"It is different Lara."

"I don't see how." She said, beginning to undo the laces at her breasts.

Aren caught her arms, "You died, Lara! This is completely different!"

She just stared into his eyes, seeing the hurt in them. The pain of that experience. She reached up and cupped his face, "I know. I'm sorry you had to go through that. More than anything, I am sorry for that. But..." And she reached up and kissed his forehead, and everywhere she could on his face till she reached his mouth, "I am not a fragile piece of glass. You won't shatter me." Biting his lip and tugged, she stopped his weakening protests, "So be gentle with me. But not too gentle. I need you, Aren."

Her words broke down his resolve completely. He grabbed her face, capturing her lips with his, the scrap of his teeth sending a thrill through her body. He pulled back, his hazel eyes meeting her azure ones, "You have to tell me right away if something causes you pain. And you better tell me, cause this won't happen again until your skin is completely healed if your stiches break open. Don't make me regret this Lara. I couldn't stand it if I hurt you."

"I promise you Aren. I will stop if I'm in pain. Now please, just touch me." Lara started to undo her dress with shaking fingers, and Aren replaced her fingers with his much steadier ones, having her dress undone and off her body in seconds.

Lara gasped at the cool air against her nipples, and they hardened under his molten gaze. All she was left in was his mother's necklace, and her undergarment.

He backed her up slowly until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed. He gently sat her down, leaning down and kissing her with a passion that made her thighs become damp with her need for him. His right hand grazed from the crease behind her knee, tracing his way up her thigh, then her hip, slowly up her side until he reached the swell of her breast. Lara almost came out of her skin when Aren began swirling a circle around her nipple, but not quite touching the aching peak.

"There is no one like you, Lara. There will only be you, and I will spend the rest of my days proving just that to you. I love you now, and I will love you forever." With that he captured her lips with his, and finally closed his fingers around her tip, drawing a cry from her throat. He pulled back quickly, "Did I hurt you?"

Lara gasped out, "No, Aren, please, just keep touching me. I want you inside of me. And you're teasing m-" she broke off as he pushed her legs open and dropped to his own between them, and sucked her other nipple into his decadent mouth. He laved his tongue against her tip while his fingers tugged mercilessly at the other, sending sharp sparks of desire down between her legs.

Lara moaned sharply, "Aren!" as he gently nipped her nipple with his teeth, then bit down lightly on the underside her breast. When he deamed both breasts thoroughly worshipped he leaned back and slowly brought both his hands on either side of her starting at her shoulder to draw down her body, flicking her tips as he went, drawing another pleasurable gasp from Lara.

He barely grazed her skin as his finger tips crossed over the narly stich on her ribs, reminding him they probably shouldn't be doing this. He drew his hands closer to the apex of her thighs, then quickly bypassed it to gently trail his finger down the insides of her thighs down to her calves. He traced the same path with his lips, stopping to gently kiss the stiches that had been redone on her leg. The same one that he had stiched up the night he gave into his desire to her. The same night he had told her it had been a mistake to be with her.

"It wasn't a mistake." Lara swallowed, and for a moment looked confused, then clarity came into her lust filled eyes.

"It's okay, Aren. At the time..."

"No. It wasn't okay. I hurt you. It could never be a mistake to be with you. And I will prove that to you for the rest of our days. I promise you." He drew himself up to kiss her again, then gently pushed her back against the bed, "Now lean back and try not too wriggle too much. I don't want your stiches opening back up, and to have to be interrupted in devouring you."

Lara's eyes widened with lust, and for once she listened silently. She wouldn't be able to bare it if he stopped now.

Aren dropped to his knees again, and drew her under garment down her legs. With bated breath, he grabbed both her ankles and pushed them open for him. He kneeled before his Queen again. He would only kneel for Lara.

Her wetness glistened before him like his own personal dessert. He leaned in, breathing in her scent. Lara's hips twitched as she felt his breath against her most sensitive part that he had parted wide open. He drew his hands up her legs with the barest touch again, "Is this what you wanted, Lara? Is this gentle enough for you?"

"Aren!" Lara almost screamed at him to get on with it, but she was afraid he would stop altogether if he could. All she think about was his mouth so close to her, almost there. "More! Please Aren, I need more."

Aren looked up at her just in time for him to say, "You're wish is my command, my Queen." And with that, he was on her in seconds. His hands held her open for him to devour her. First he lightly licked up the dripping arousal that was leaving her slit, drinking it in. Then with broad strokes he brought his tongue to her bundle of nerves.

She reached and grabbed a fistful of his hair, holding him to her as he moaned against her, vibrating her most sensitive of spots. Soon she realized she was chanting his name, over and over again, and it got louder as he sucked her clit into his mouth, tugging on it with just the right pressure. She was getting closer and closer to that precious precipice, drawing closer to being thrown over that edge.

Aren's fingers joined into the fray and Lara flew over that edge when he pressed up repeatedly against this sweet spot inside her. She screamed as Aren didn't let up his ministrations on her body, sending her over that incredible edge once more. He slowly stopped, kissing his way up to her lips. "How was that, my love?"

She was in awe of him, tasting herself on his lips, "Incredible." He began to lean back, "Where are you going?"

"Are you sure you don't want to rest now?" Aren's eyes blazed as he gazed upon her body. She could tell he would stop if she asked him. Lucky for both of them, that is not at all what she wanted.

"I'm positive. Now strip off those clothes before I get up and strip you with my teeth." She kept her legs open to remind him where he was going to put that cock of his when he was done.

I don't think she ever saw Aren as stunned in his life. She could tell he sort of wanted to see her do it. But his want for her not to hurt herself won out and he stripped faster than she thought possible with those boots on. She gazed upon his beatiful body, not believing that he was all hers. Her King. Her Husband.

He stalked to her, and drew himself over her gently, holding his body up over hers to not crush her. Her breasts pressed against his bare chest, the feeling exquisite. He brought her uninjured leg over his hip and his cock brushed her opening. They both hissed with desire from the feeling.

Lara began gently grounding herself against him. "Don't Lara, let me do all the work this time. You can make it up to me later," he said teasingly, but also seriously about her not moving too much, even if it did feel incredible.

Lara stopped, pouting her lip at him. She was no longer pouting when Aren dragged himself through her sensitive lips. He repeated this motion until he could tell Lara could take no more, and pushed into her opening.

Lara's mouth opened in a silent scream. It had been too long. And to think, she almost never got to feel this again. She would savor this moment, and all the ones that came after.

Aren pushed in all the way, seating himself, holding himself there for a moment, then drew back out swiftly. He almost pulled all the way out before pounding into her again, carefully as to not push into her too roughly. That could come later.

Lara gripped the sheets as his pounding got faster and faster, and he wanted her hands on his. He grabbed her hands, intertwining her fingers with his as intertwined as their bodies were.

Lara was getting closer and closer to that glittering edge again. "Aren, I-" Her words cut off as she threw her head back as Aren pushed in and ground his pelvis against her sensitive mound. She climaxed in a scream the whole palace probably heard, and Aren went with her, feeling her pulsing climax, groaning into her neck.

It was a long moment before either of them moved after Aren slowed to a stop. He gently removed himself from her body, but he didn't go far. Just pushed back far enough to examine all her stiches. Still holding up and didn't appear to be causing Lara any pain as she caught her breath with a smile on her face.

Aren smiled down at his gorgeous Queen, "There is no one else like you, Lara..." He laid down and drew her into arms, where she should be. Lara kissed his chest with a gentle press of her lips, and he kissed the top of her head. "I can't believe sometimes that I actually get to keep you in my life, I get to live this life with you as my Queen. Thank whatever power kept those sharks from eating you." He teased slightly, but they both know how serious what he was saying was.

She whispered as she placed her hands on his chest, her azure eyes looking up into his hazel ones, "I love you, Aren, from now until the very end. It will only be you, my King." He could see the emotion welling in her eyes.

He pulled her closer into his arms, trailing his fingers up and down her spine gently as he always did, "And I love you my Queen, from now until our final moments. There is no one else but you for me. And for Ithicana."

They both smiled as they drifted to sleep in each other's arms in true bliss.

#The Bridge Kingdom #The Traitor Queen #danielle l jensen #The Bridge Kingdom series #the bridge kingdom fanfic #the traitor queen fanfic #fanfic

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nyxelestia · 8 years ago

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Hi! I'm on anon bc I mainly worry about that sort of thing, heh. Besides this, I'm asking about, specifically, Sterek - in the sense that I don't really ship it myself, and I wanted to say that regardless of this, and that you do - your blog is brilliant. In general, your posts on the TW fandom and the various ships within are perfect and I agree 100%. Mainly, I'm asking about the sterek, or more specifically Stiles/Derek from actual canon tw, because I could never see anything other than (1/?)

Derek being physically aggressive towards the younger and weaker (in the sense of physical strength) human - a person in a position of power over another abusing that power. In a sense. Since, whenever I watch the show I can't help but see that, I was hoping you could either explain in that great way you usually do that makes things make sense, or at least point me in the direction of posts that have already done so, how exactly their friendship developed(because, yes, I don't think I could(2/?)

ever ship it romantically). Mainly I'd just like to see another's less biased point of view/take on their dynamic, so as not to alienate a serious amount of my fanfic readers despite the fact that it's probably gonna end up as Stalia(oh the horror, that gets like 0 reads ever)I don't want to sideline any characters that are important, such as Derek, and when I watch the show I can never get his character and his dynamic with Stiles down in my head because it's screaming at me not to like him 3/?

And I hate that, because I never like to despise a character without good reason to; I don't want to misrepresent the dynamic, I have to repeat, when I get to later seasons. It'll also help me understand him more, I think, and I hope you don't mind this ridiculously long anon ask, oops. I'm on anon mainly bc of a worry of this being received negatively, as I've seen this sort of query being done in the past for related topics. Ehrm, that's it, thanks for reading this even if you don't answer.4/4

Derek is pretty violent with everyone, including Stiles, in the first two seasons. Fandom has taken this violence and projected sexual tension onto it to justify the ship, but if we're going to count every instance of violence as belligerent sexual tension, then everyone on this show has foe-yay with everyone else.

The thing is, Derek was trying to do the right thing - he just didn't really consider things like collateral damage or value of life in the process. When Scott was Bitten, Derek did try to help Scott learn to control his wolf...it's just that he also lied to Scott about a potential cure for lycanthropy in order to manipulate Scott into helping him. Neither of these somehow negate or undermine the other.

Similarly, in Season 2, Derek felt responsible for the kanima, and thus wanted to kill it before it could kill anyone else. The problem is that he wasn't considering the life of the human who was the kanima without knowing, and he was jumping to conclusions and nearly killed the wrong person (Lydia) because she might be the kanima. Derek wanted to build a pack, and ended up dragging three new teenagers into the mess, two of whom would still be alive if he hadn't. But, they were also extremely isolated before they were in a pack, and never seemed to resent Derek for turning them, even when (in the case of Boyd, at least) it got them killed.

Derek tries all the time, and tries really damn hard. He also fails all the time, and fails really damn hard. Most of that failure all traces back to tunnel vision - he gets so focused on one problem or factor, he never really thought about anything else. Isaac called him out on this in Season 3A - Derek was wallowing about Cora's life and Jennifer's betrayal, which meant he was forgetting about all the other stuff going on that needed to be dealt with.

Derek also tended to presume to know best in the first two seasons and diving head first into problems. A lot of his development in Seasons 3 and 4 was taking a step back to think through the circumstances, and/or taking guidance from those around him. Whether he was the alpha and taking guidance from his betas (i.e. following Boyd's plan against the alpha pack, listening to Isaac calling him out, etc.), or when he was a beta again but following others' leads (following Scott as an alpha, taking proverbial marching orders from Allison in 3B, following the Sheriff's lead and Braeden's lead in Season 4, etc.), Derek always did better working with someone else instead of trying to lead on his own.

To put it another way: Derek really sucks at being King Arthur, but he makes for a fantastic Merlin.

Derek was a wonderfully supportive and empathic individual. Because he struggled with being an alpha, he was a confidante for Scott when he struggled to be a (true) alpha. Derek went from tunnel vision, brooding, and wallowing in the first few seasons, to learning how to use "human" self-defense mechanisms in Season 4 when he realized he wasn't healing and seemed to be losing his lycanthropy (and his strength and senses with it). IIRC, he never just sat down and listened to someone pour their heart out on him in the first two seasons, yet Season 3 opens with him doing exactly that, and this is something he continues to do throughout the rest of his time on the show.

I've said before that "quiet" =/= shy or introverted. Derek is never the kind to talk a lot in the show. In the first two seasons, this manifested as him doing things without really telling anyone or talking to anyone about it. Later, this manifested as him listening to people. He didn't have to change this part of who he is, he just learned to be more empathetic and productive about it.

Derek's story also plays into one of the central themes of the show. The werewolf symbol of revenge is the spiral, but here's the thing about spirals: if they aren't stopped, then they'll go on forever. Derek could've kept pursuing vengeance for his family, but chose not to, and came out better for it. This is highlighted by the nogitsune in 3B, when Derek is infected by one of the flies. Yes, Kate was already dead, but Kate was one person and his family was way more than that. He could've kept going, he could've murdered Allison and Chris just because they were Kate's family (the same way his family died just for being werewolves/in a werewolf pack), and the nogitsune nearly pushed him to do that. But instead, Derek ended the spiral of vengeance, recognizing that Allison and Chris had nothing to do with Kate's murder, and how different they were from Kate (regretting their own participation in Hunter psychosis, trying to change the family motto and M.O., etc.)

Derek's story is very much one of someone grieving tremendously and suffering from horrific trauma. But, it's also one that shows that one's own trauma can end up hurting those around them (the fact that Derek was traumatized and suffering for the first two seasons doesn't change the fact he engaged in a lot of manipulative and abusive behavior at the time). And, Derek's story is the process of recovering from grief and trauma, and learning to let go of anger in pursuit of one's own well-being.

How this relates to Sterek in particular, I've written about here and here, and feel free to ask if you have any more questions on it. :)

And here are some fics which capture Derek's character really well:

See You on the Other Side - Derek doesn't swoop in and save the day - but he does help Stiles, and he learns to share with Stiles and take help from others.

The Nightmare of My Choice - Long-distance relationship FTW.

Starts with "F", Ends With "U" - Fantastic way of Derek using his own experiences to help Stiles with his current abuse, and a great exploration of Derek's trauma that doesn't tokenize it or reduce his abuse to stereoptyes of what abuse actually entails.

#derek hale #sterek #teen wolf meta #teen wolf #nyxie answers #nyxie clears out her inbox #Anonymous

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