#i don't feel particularly motivated to write the important things or talk or draw or do fuck all

[thegempage]

i don't feel like looking for it rn bcus of the mood i find myself in but i need to like. tattoo that post about wishing your mind would be kinder to you and then remembering that you have to do that on my fucking eyelids.

[aesolerin]

Did you ever hear about that digital presentation/lecture one of the Red Hook fellas gave on how they put together the game visually and inspirationally? (Fun Fact: Jester turned out the way he did because Bourassa hates the DnD Bard stereotype, lol) I'm mentioning this in particular because he went over Leper as an example in terms of symbolism incorporated into his design

(which, side tangent to that: Leper's blocky and metallic aesthetic was inspired by Iron Man! the more you know, lol)

This was put out onto YouTube before Red Hook made it fully clear DD2 was gonna be a thing, which made it all the more notable when people later realized that one of the pictures used on that slide was of Leper's DD2 character design. So, everything he was talking about here was likely with Leper's canon DD2 backstory in mind. This is important because:

One of the points Bourassa mentioned was the fact that Leper has a "broken sword for a broken man".

That by itself is already brutally sad, but rest assured! It gets worse if you think about it long enough. After all, do you remember when that happened in his backstory? If not, lemme stop being coy for a moment to help you in drawing some conclusions:

The Leper's sword broke in killing off his advisors.

It wasn't the diagnosis that got to him. Neither was it leaving his kingdom behind. It was in breaking the oath he made to himself that he would protect everyone in his kingdom. Because, treacherous or not, his advisors were still part of his kingdom. It was only a small handful of people, sure. And yes, it's true that they couldn't be trusted to take actions in good faith once he was gone. And it likely was the right thing to do, at the end of the day.

But justifications don't erase the stark truth that he murdered his own subjects in cold blood.

And THAT shattered him (and his sword) more than a simple diagnosis or self-exile ever could.

Because, the thing is: someone can believe that their actions were objectively the best possible option and justifiable, while considering those same actions subjectively horrifying and unforgivable. After all, murder is still murder no matter the motivation, and some folks deeply take that to heart.

~~~~~~

Of course, this is only true if I remembered that presentation correctly, as I haven't tried to look it up to verify it, lol. You got any thoughts on it, yourself? Assuming you hadn't already realized that on some level, of course - for all I know, you could have drawn this conclusion a long time ago and never brought it up because you thought it was obvious! xD

Or, on the other side of it, there's no reason you should feel the need to change how you characterize our fave Leper buddy, y'know? Though, imo, it's not particularly contradictory to how we normally characterize him. This is just another angle you could look at him from if you wanted to in your writing, shippy or otherwise!

(Though speaking of shipping: this creates another interesting level to think about Leper's dynamic with Jester, no?)

(Maybe Jester needs to get his king to forgive himself by comparing their past actions. If Baldwin finds nothing wrong with what Sarmenti did, which was spurred on by a much more selfish - if entirely sympathetic - motivation, why should Baldwin go about putting his own actions on a pedestal of guilt? Unless he's implying that he's supposed to be morally better than Jester, which I'm p sure both of them would hate to draw as a conclusion.)

(Or maybe Leper sees it as another way they can understand each other that others may not grasp. That while they may be stained by their past actions, it doesn't make the two of them inherently unlovable or deserving of suffering. It's a burden they can help each other bear due to their own personal experience with it.)

(Or maybe Jester is tired of all this masturbatory self-flagellating fuckery and would much rather he and Leper get down to something a bit more literal in its sexual nature. Wouldn't put it past the Silly fella)

thank you much for providing that link to the video! which i will in turn provide in full, because it is a very fun and thought-provoking talk overall, not just the Leper stuff!!

(and, as someone who's played lots of bards, ☹ [but i will point out i've never played one of those horny bards at least])

i do very much agree that retaliating and killing his traitorous advisors was a huge turning point for Leper, and a source of at least some degree of internal conflict for him.

was it a moment of freedom and liberation, finally justified in doing something about those poison-tongued sycophants?

was it a moment of horror and regret, killing treasonous-but-still-subjects of his?

was it a moment of resignation and cold calculation, defending himself against attackers seeking to kill him?

was it a moment of inevitability and hollowness, knowing something of this magnitude was bound to happen after his diagnosis?

some bits of all four? fluctuating day-by-day, nightmare-by-nightmare?

as Bourassa said, a broken sword for a broken man. no matter the literal golden facade he puts up, Leper is still a broken man looking for something as he battles the horrors of the Hamlet/the world. at least this is an unexpected connection he shares with Jester, right?

i will admit it's not something i've commented much on in my fics, as Jester's trauma is just so much more, but i certainly have thoughts!

way back in my first DD fic, Dreams, Jester notes that royal blood on their hands is something they share, and Leper smiles as he says “Hence the beauty I see in your bloody finale. Such cruelty and abuse should be responded to in kind."

in Bow, something about the assassination attempt seems to have severely fucked up the Veiled Emperor's sense of trust.

believe me friend, when it is finally revealed, i am going to have so much fun 😊

these are some wonderful(ly painful) thoughts you've shared, and again thank you for putting this talk on my radar!!

[hauntedliz]

Tagged by the beloved @toads-treasures to talk about my writerly ways. :)

When did you start writing?

I've been writing for a very, very long time. I had so many spiral note books with drawings and little stories. I remember in first grade my friends and I wrote stories about us and our friends being superheroes. I was a writer and THE illustrator, and I still have the notebook where I drew all of us. Before that I would wander around recess just making up songs and after that I got way too involved in imaginary recess plot lines. My friends grew out of it, and I did not. So writing was the best option. It's harder now. It sounds dramatic, but I wonder if sometimes the burnout is too deep and it's all tainted. Other parts of me have healed since college, but this part still feels broken.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I think the things I read are pretty similar to what I like to write: romance, fantasy, horror, mystery. Though I do read a lot of Star Wars content, and I don't know I could ever write in that world. I love it SO much, but I'd be so afraid to forget something or mess it up. I'm not really interested in other scifi at the moment.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Emily Henry is one of my favorite authors right now. Her romances have all the fun stuff, but they also hit something deep in my heart. It's not just romance and fun tropes, there is something very human and personal there. I think Shirley Jackson's stories and incrdibly cool. The Magnus Archives altered by brain in a way that will not be undone. I can think of a lot of writers I'd be honored to get compared to from both published stories and fanfics.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My writing space is wherever the mood strikes. I feel the most free at my job when I have some free time and can zone out into my thoughts. We won't think too hard about that. At home, my desk is kind of cluttered, but there are things I love all around. My bookshelf is to my left if I ever need inspiration or guidance.

I like cramming words onto notebook pages and writing in different directions to throw off my perfectionist tendancies. It can't be that important if I am writing it sideways, right?

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

One song. On repeat. As long as it takes. (Could be multiple, but usually one is THE muse)

Also talking to toad. I honestly work best with a partner.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

When I realize my themes have been recurring I am usually surprised at first, but then it makes sense. While making OCs with toad I realized just how often I inflict oldest sibling disease on my characters. Lots of sibling dynamics. Loss and grief come up a lot but that's not really an accident. There are lots of things to lose and be haunted by. I very purposely try to put parts of myself I struggle with in my ocs I think it's important.

"And I think I was always writing for myself, to sort through my loss and worry and tangled ambitions. Even now, I think about how effortless it is to lose oneself in words, and yet also find who you are." -Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross

"Literature, for all of us, is a way that we rehearse life. And, of course, I don’t have that much life left. I’ve already experienced everything that one can experience. But kids who are ten years old, they have it all in front of them, and some of it is going to be very, very hard. When they read about people experiencing those hard things, they rehearse how they would react, feeling it without having to truly feel it yet. It serves a valid purpose for them." -Lois Lowry interview

What’s your reason for writing?

Fun.

See above quote.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Seeing people get excited about my characters or the things I come up with makes me extremely happy. It doesn't matter if it's a keyboard smash or detailed list of things you liked. I don't forget kind words. I also like making toad use sobbing crying emojis in response to my ideas so that too.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Very little. Think about the story or the character, pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain. Otherwise I'd say always kindly, but with the occassional fist shaken in my direction for angst.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'm really not sure. For a writer I sure haven't written much lately. I used to say my dialogue.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depends on how much time has passed since I last read it. While I'm writing it? I hate it, my own words are so annoying. It's because I have read and thought about them a hundred times and the perfectionism really sours things. When I can seperate myself I think it can be really good. I mainly just wish I could finish it.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Hi! I adore your analyses.

If it isn't too much to ask, I would love to hear about your general approach to analyzing works. I wanna learn how to analyze things better from other people, and I really like the way you methodically break things down.

In other words, pls sensei teach me your ways HAHAHA

No trouble if you can't, though! Your blog is always a joy.

Have a wonderful day!

Sensei... 🫢

Ah, thank you, this is really flattering! I don't think I really do anything that special. Honestly, all it is was that I got misinterpreted a lot when I was younger and it made it difficult for me to express myself - so I ended up creating something of a system which I found seems to make things clear to others!

I can do a quick overview of it, for sure! I hope it helps! (It's under the cut :D)

Tip 1: Analyze things you love.

Look, this isn't school and I'm not a literary critic. I don't bother forcing myself to analyze things I'm just not feeling. Sometimes, I'll really enjoy something, but have nothing to say about it in particular. (Ex. Akutagawa. I adore him but for some reason don't feel compelled to analyze him as much... even though he's this blog's pfp...) That's not a commentary on the character/media nor my engagement with it. No need to analyze something you don't particularly care to - these write ups take a fair amount of time and effort, so you'll want to have enough raw energy at the start to sustain yourself. You should want to talk about it, is what I'm saying.

Tip 2: Understand the core themes of the story.

I cannot stress this enough! It's so important. The best stories will have their characters, plot arcs and settings all serve to enhance the major themes of the story in some way - figure out what these themes are, and keep them in the back of your mind. I think of themes like a filter - it should change the way you look at the story, and with any luck, draw a lot of seemingly loose threads together in interesting and surprising ways. There are typically about 2-3 major ones (Ex. BSD - living through uncertainty, good as a choice / Trigun - morality and autonomy, life after loss / Hatoful - love as salvation or corruption / there are other themes of course, these are just examples). From this point on, assume you have your "themes filter" active for completing the other tips.

Tip 3: Pick a small detail and think about "Why" and "How".

See, I used to go too big when doing analyses. I used to try and analyze everything there was to examine in one go, and it would become unwieldy and just have far too much information for me to juggle and process. So, it's better to start small. What's something that caught your attention? What was something you liked? Was there anything that confused you? Pick one thing... then ask yourself why and how. Why did I like this? Why did this character act in that way? How does this aspect of the story work? Etc. This will be your topic!

Tip 4: Read other people's thoughts.

I know we all hate going into tags and seeing some of the worst takes out there... so I don't actually do that. I only look through meta and theory tags, and most of those are done by people who put a lot of time and care into their theory crafting, so they at least usually bring the receipts. It always helps to read other's opinions. This is just a good thing in general - you need to open yourself up to different views. Even if you don't agree, you might be better able to articulate why you don't. There's some god-tier stuff in these theory tags, you just gotta look. :)

Tip 5: Pay attention to context and setting.

For most of the stories I analyze, the characters do not exist in a world or situation that is comparable to mine. Asking yourself "where did this character come from?" "what's the overall state of the world they inhabit?" "were this character's experiences different or similar to the rest of the cast? different or similar to their childhoods?" - this is really going to help you understand motivation, far more than core personality traits will alone. (Ex. remember that BSD is a newly post-war society. Tensions are still high. People are being hired at young ages. A lot of people grew up in the slums, and violence is common. How did the different characters interact with this world? What sides might one character have seen to this world that another didn't?)

Also, it's good to at least be somewhat aware of the author and the context they created their story in. Many of the works I analyze are from Japan. It's good to know where a work is from - typically you're going to see at least some expression of cultural values, and I find this is helpful to keep in mind. Some decisions made in story will make a lot more sense when you remember the story's place of origin.

Looking at author influences is also helpful! BSD has a great built-in source of background info, since the entire premise incorporates classic literature. This can be an excellent supplementary source!

Tip 6: Tell a story with your analysis.

Again, I'm doing this for fun. I'm not a literary academic, so I try to use conversational flow. I tend to write like I'm speaking - in fact, this is very much how I talk in real life. It's up to you the tone you set in your writing - just make it something that flows naturally. You can always go back and re-read it if something seems unclear.

What I mean by story is to break your analysis up into chunks. There's no hard and fast rule on how to do this. You can see a clear example of it in my "Dazai Likes People" post, which was long enough that I bolded the sections. It should have a beginning, middle, and end, roughly - beginning where you say what you want to analyze or lead into it somehow, middle (which I typically break up into individual topics), and the end, which honestly is just a rephrasing of the beginning (or sometimes I just leave it out). Sometimes, to break things up I'll add quotes or images that help me with my points; these serve as visual interest so the reader is not faced with a continuous wall of text. Bolding and italicizing key points can also do the trick.

A good way to see if the analysis flows is to see if you can say "so then..." between each paragraph. (Ex. Point 1 -> "so then..." -> Point 2 -> "so then..." -> Point 3, etc.) Each point should flow into the next - I try to make something of a narrative out of it. (It's why the word "so" pops up a lot in my analyses haha.) I'm sorry, I feel like this is the part that's the hardest to explain in a way that's easy to follow. It's mostly practice, really. It's also subjective how you want your analysis to read.

Tip 7: Fact check!

I hate spreading misinformation. Mostly because it's frustrating to have constructed a theory only to get called out that it's based on something misremembered, but also because, as a science student, I'm really mindful of keeping track of my sources. Always have your sources on hand! I spend at least three re-reads of my analyses consulting books, episodes, and manga to ensure that everything I've added is correct. (I might go a bit overboard with it sometimes... I can be a bit paranoid about this...)

And finally, my Golden Rule: ✨Explanation, not Justification!✨

If you have no other takeaway from this post, please remember this! Every character in the story should have their actions be explainable! This does not mean justifiable! Explanation is not just logic, and should always take into account character values, emotions, and situation. This will help prevent analyzing characters only from the perspective of relatability, and is very useful when analyzing antagonists/villains.

Character analysis is always about drawing a throughline between motivation and action. It's not about whether you would do the same, or whether you agree, or whether it is a choice you would forgive.

Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. This is true in fiction, and it's also true in real life. I try to always keep this in mind.

I hope this was helpful to you, or to anyone who might want to read it!

[impalementation]

if you're interested, i'd love to hear your thoughts on That scene in empty places, bc the way that i've seen most people talk about it doesn't always feel very nuanced and like... i get being frustrated and i for sure think some extremely unfair things to/about buffy were said, but i don't think it's as cut and dry as buffy being totally blameless (even though i love her) and everyone else (particularly the main scoobies, who don't have her responsibilities but have fought alongside her and earned the right to disagree w her imo) being terrible. Like it may have gone too far?? But idk, I have trouble articulating why, but I think there's more nuance to the situation than people want to say, so I'm curious about your thoughts

Anonymous asked:

whats your take on empty places and the scoobs kicking buffy out of her house?

Anonymous asked:

Why did Buffy allowed Dawn to kick her out in Empty Places?

Wow, so many questions about “Empty Places”! Sorry, as ever, that these took me a while to get to.

I actually agree, I think there’s more nuance there than it’s given credit for. I talked about that a bit in this post a while back. I wouldn’t say that the character build-up to that scene is as well-executed as it could have been, but it hardly comes out of nowhere, and it’s not some random thing. Or, as I’ve seen people suggest, simply there to make Spike look good and push him and Buffy together. I’m sure their romantic arc was a factor in the storytelling, but to call that the only motivation seems to me a vast oversimplification and dismissal of ideas that were built over the course of the season.

Season seven is, as I’ve discussed before, about how the Slayer system is broken. It’s a system that isolates Buffy and puts all of the decision-making in her hands. Meaning that it’s a system that is neither good for her, nor good for anyone around her, no matter how strong and brave Buffy is. All season long, we see Buffy struggle with both the limits of her power, and the demands of her authority. She wants to be able to save every girl, and fight every ubervamp, but she simply can’t be everywhere and stronger than everything. She wants to be a caring friend, but when she’s the one who has to make decisions about whether people should live or die, she can’t always be. When she’s the one who has to make all the hard choices, that means the blame always falls on her shoulders. When she fucks up, there’s nothing for her to fall back on. The fact that Buffy is forced to be this kind of sole authority means that the people around her are right to feel that they aren’t being listened to, or fully considered. Because often they aren’t. They see the people around them getting maimed and killed and suddenly realize that maybe it isn’t right that all their eggs should be in Buffy’s basket. But at the same time, they’re wrong, because they’re the ones who put their eggs there. They’re the ones who kept looking the other way as Buffy made hard choice after hard choice on their behalf. They’re as complicit in (and victimized by) the broken system as Buffy is.

Keep in mind the season’s perception themes. Everyone gets mad at Buffy, and Buffy gets mad at herself, because they’re all too close to the situation to see that the problem isn’t really Buffy, it’s what being the Slayer has forced Buffy to be. The dynamic it’s forced between her and the people around her. Notice how in the very next episode, Faith finds herself dealing with the exact same problems that Buffy was. The same hard decisions, and the same ambient resentments. It’s actually very important that Faith has to be a leader for a bit, in order to show this--the fact that the problem is being the Slayer, not Buffy. I’d even argue that it’s the much more thematically relevant motivation for the scene than getting Buffy and Spike alone.

As far as thematic motivations go, I also think it’s crucial that Buffy is thrown out of her house. That is some powerful symbolism for a season that leans so hard into the symbolism of Buffy’s house in general, and it’s disappointing to see people ignore it in their eagerness to be mad at everyone. The house is a lot of things—the familiar, the stable, the normative, the safe—but most importantly it’s also Buffy’s self. Notice how Spike and Faith, both Buffy’s shadow at different times, hang out in Buffy’s basement: the realm of the id and subconscious. Notice how as the house breaks down, Buffy gets injured as well.

So for Buffy to be thrown out of her house, it’s the climax of the season’s isolation themes not just in terms of story, but also metaphor. She has literally been cast out of herself. She’s been banished from her identity and role. But at the same time, once she’s on the outside of that myopic, claustrophobic system, she is able to connect with her shadow (Spike) and see the situation with new eyes. The reason that Spike is the one who can talk Buffy back is that firstly, unlike the Scoobies, his later seasons arc is all about learning to not ask Buffy for things that aren’t appropriate--romantic reciprocation, moral structure. Secondly, he was once the tool and symbol of her isolation, the icon of her shame and guilt and belief that she needed to isolate herself. For her to make peace with Spike is about her rejecting that isolation and shame, and transforming it.

Of course, I can talk about symbolism all I want and it doesn’t necessarily matter if the writers didn’t make it believable on the object level too—the level of character and plot and all of that. It’s a regular problem on Buffy, the writing caring more about symbolism than sense. While I think that most of the characters have adequate motivation for the scene—really, it’s been building from the beginning; remember the confrontation between Buffy and Xander as early as “Selfless”? or Buffy fighting with Giles and Wood two episodes earlier? or the way she argued with everyone in “Get It Done”? or the Potentials doubting her from basically their first episodes?—the one character that seems truly undeveloped is Dawn. She got that warning from the First in “Conversations With Dead People”, but the season doesn’t follow up on it well enough to draw a clear line between that seed of doubt and her attitude in “Empty Places.” Given that Dawn is Buffy’s “humanity” or “youth” or what have you, it’s symbolically significant that she would be the final one to cast Buffy out. But that seems like a clear case of the story not earning its metaphor, unfortunately.

To answer the third ask: as far as why Buffy let Dawn kick her out, on a character level I think she was pretty defeated by that point. But symbolically, I think the part about Buffy’s human self rejecting her is important for that. Buffy has a tenuous relationship to her belief in her humanity at the best of times, so it’s pretty easy for me to believe that she would feel lost and numbed enough by being rejected by that part of herself, that she wouldn’t fight it.

(Controversial opinion, but I actually kind of like that “Empty Places” isn’t due to the First sowing obvious discord. I’ve seen lots of people suggest that that would have been the stronger and more believable choice, and I get the instinct. But if the point of the season is to show that the villain is the Slayer system, then it makes more sense for that to be the thing that drives the conflict, and not an external force influencing them. There might have been a way to use the First that was compatible with that, but it wouldn’t have worked if the problem was just The First. Imo, of course.)

All of which is to say, that if you see the season as being about faulty perception, broken systems, and the dangers of isolation, then “Empty Places” actually makes perfect sense as a climax of the season. The problem really comes down to whether you think it was earned enough (which in some cases I think it was, and in others it wasn’t), or generally handled well, and whether you think those ideas are interesting in the first place.

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character ref for; Jack, Maddie and Jazz,

Art by @gally-hin / @gally-hin-phantom

Okay so first off; in terms of Actual redesign, I didn't change a whole lot. I'm actually very fond of Jack and Maddie's design's, my only real issue was with their proportions. Like...look as a lady person who is also thiCC I do not have a fucking wasp thin waist and I'm sure I'm not the only one, lmao. As for Jack? Godamnit he looked like a brick on toothpicks. Just Let him be a fucking Bara man! Anyway of course I asked Gally to do this one bc they're fucking great at drawing different body types

I also cannot and will not take credit for Jazz's outfit. I didn't have any issue with her canon clothes aside from them being a bit plain, so what she's wearing here was literally pulled straight off of her original concept art, which I will link here.

Anyway, getting to the Actual character lore now, let's start with

Maddie Fenton

-Full name is Madeline (I haven't decided on a maiden name yet)

-Born and raised on a farm in Arkansas, had a southern accent that she trained herself out of in college bc it was just one more reason for people not to take her seriously. Still sometimes uses "y'all" completely unironically bc old habits die hard.

-She has a really big family, and they're proud of her accomplishments but feel like she's wasting her talent studying ghosts, because really, up until the Fenton portal was up and running there wasn't even any solid proof they existed. Her sister Alicia is the one outlier there, and even if she doesn't understand, it she completely supports her.

-She majored in engineering and minored in psychology at Wisconsin EDU. Her, Jack and Vlad were all in the same engineering class, and that's where they met.

-Maddie is particularly interested in how ghosts think, analysing their behavior, their motives. Not only that, but they aren't just dead people with unfinished business, they've built an entire culture in the Ghost Zone that is completely seperate from humanity, and she wants to understand all of it.

-skilled marksman and 9th degree black belt, (which is. The highest fucking level there is holy shit? I looked it up after I saw it on her wiki page.)

Jack Fenton

-He's from Minnesota (Amity park is in Illinois and him and Maddie didn't move there until after they got married) 

-okay, "but why minnesota specifically" you ask? Because. I crave. Foot ball discourse. 

-minnesota vikings vs green bay packers guys do you UNDERSTAND WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS 

-The funny thing is that Jack only watches football casually while Vlad is a fucking die hard so when these two got together to see a game it was like....

-Jack: Here to chill and have a good time.

-Vlad: Primed and ready to start a fist fight at any given moment.

-I am never not going to be salty about how Canon Jack was portrayed like a complete moron 99% percent of the time. Like no...theres a difference between Actual Stupid and ADHD induced dumbass-ery.

-Am I saying Jack Fenton has ADHD? Yes. why? Because I also have ADHD and I have always vibed So Hard with his Character.

-Jack is loud and easily excited about things that interest him. He's impulsive and fidgety and yeah, a bit absent minded. He has a mouth that clearly runs so much faster than his head. His train of thought doesn't get derailed so much as it stops and takes several different detours on the way to it's final destination.

-and that's only the tip of the iceberg, really, I'd need an entire essay to get into this completely, but I just really relate.

-Jacks skill-set / interests regarding ghosts vary a bit from Maddie's, most notably in the sense that he doesn't believe that they're static entities already set in their ways, completely incapable of change.

-Jack majored in engineering and minored in Biology at Wisconsin EDU.

-Jack's work with tech is a bit hit or miss. He definitely HAS the engineering skills, but the intrest isn't always there and he's constantly jumping back and forth between different projects. He tends to focus on the concept work and schematics and leave most of the assembly to Maddie as a result. It's an arrangement that works well for them, and has drastically decreased the number of unintentional explosions in the lab.

-A lot of Jack's work tends to revolve around ghostly biology and Ectoplasm, figuring out how ghosts are made, what makes them tick, what the hell Ectoplasm Actually Is, how it's used as an energy source, ect.

-and yes, that does also mean he handles the dissections.

-See that facial scar? Yeah, that's not actually there at the start of the series rewrite but it's very important for plot reasons so I had to include it. Can't say much more on the subject because SPOILERs owo.

Jasmine Fenton

-Jazz is a 18 years old, and a senior at Casper high.

-Which means she prepping to go away to college and won't be around to keep an eye on Danny.

-Obviously that doesn't mean I'm just writing her out of the story, oh no. Know why? Because she's also gonna go to Wisconsin EDU. ya know who else is in Wisconsin? Fuckin' Vlad.

-Jazz is autistic, Although she passes for neurotypical in part due to symptoms being completely over looked in girls due to gender stereotyping and also the fact that she doesn't have any special interests that are considered " "too weird.""

- Her hyperfixation with psychology started at a young age in an effort to better understand people, and social/emotional cues and all that.

-Jazz is well liked at school but she's not popular or apart of any specific group or clique. She's very kind and compassionate to people, and just about everyone knows her, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually Considered her a friend. Except maybe Spike.

-I'm gonna have to give spike his own Character ref at some point, but he's this scary looking goth kid that's been held back twice. He's actually super sweet, just really fuckin' quiet and anxious. Him and jazz kinda ended up gravitating towards each other. She might do most of the talking, but they look out for each other.

-its not like jazz doesn't try to socialize, but it's difficult and she's found it much easier and less stressful to just. Keep to herself and let her interactions with her peers stay shallow and superficial. Sure, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making some other misstep.

-One of Jazz's other special interests is football, and it's not so much the players or the game as it is the strategy of it? Started out as one of those things you do to bond with your dad, and she ended up getting really into it.

-She absolutley winds up getting into stupidly intense discussions with Vlad about it, too, lmao.

-Her and Danny probably bonded over SBNation bc that shit has both sentient satellites and ridiculously complex football mechanics.

-She's completely oblivious to the fact, but Dash has a massive crush on her bc holy shit this girl understands football (hey bud your toxic masculinity is showing put that shit away)

-I mentioned that Danny was in Cheer for a bit in middle school so it makes sense that she'd also be pushed into doing some kind of extracurricular activity.....so.....she was in a martial arts class for a bit thanks to Maddie and has a good grasp on self defense.

I think that's everything? I feel like I'm leaving things out tho? Idk if I did I'll come back and add on to this later and also pls don't hesitate to ask questions bc it really helps me flesh things out better.

[dahliahsp]

10 Ways for Highly Sensitive People To Create New Habits That Stick

May 6, 2019

In my last article, I mentioned the importance of consistency when it comes to practicing new behaviors to cope with emotional overwhelm. (The topic of the post).

In this post, I would like to build upon the topic by sharing some ways I have learned to integrate new behaviors or habits in such a way that improves my persistence. As I have learned over time, persistence is key!

Because I have always struggled with persistence and sticking to rigid routines and mundane tasks, I have had to strive for persistence in a number of ways. I have had to learn about the importance of implementing routines (particularly for HSPs) into a daily schedule.

Implementing daily habits and routines for HSPs can be a necessary component to achieving a sense of security and balance in an overwhelming world.

Building routines can be a great way for HSPs to seek comfort and a gain a sense of knowing what to expect in a world where unexpected things happen. It can also help HSPs maintain greater focus on personal goals/dreams when there are multiple distractions arising from multiple sources. I have learned that it can also help avoid procrastination, which can lead to regret and even more feelings overwhelm.

While routines can be an excellent tool to simplify one's life, I know many highly sensitive people can find change overwhelming. I know from experience that trying to change too many things at once can be overwhelming and be an obstacle to reaching goals. That is one reason I believe starting with small goals and gradually building up to larger goals is more beneficial.

It is important to know that creating new habits can take time and patience. The time it takes to build new habits can depend on the person, the habit, commitment to the habit, and other lifestyle factors. Many people believe it takes approximately one month to create a habit. Others believe it takes more or less time to reach their goals.

It has taken me various amounts of time and effort to create some of my current habits/routines, but I would like to share with you some helpful ways I have gradually created new routines/habits into my schedule. So far, it has helped improve the quality of my life and is helping me reach my goals at a more comfortable pace!

10 Ways to Build New Habits/Routines

1. Determine What You Truly Value and Intend to Create for Your Life

Knowing exactly what you want to achieve and prioritize can help give you a sense of where to start and simplify your goals. Writing down your intentions/goals can help you get more clear about your goals. It may include both long term and short term goals.

2. Start With Small Achievable Goals

This may include starting with one or two simple goals that are realistic and easy to achieve. These goals can be modified over time accordingly. The more the habits are practiced, the more likely it is to continue building upon the smaller goals. i.e. walking 10 minutes a day and gradually increasing the habit over time.

3. Combining a New Habit With Existing Habits

I find that tying new habits/routines to an existing routine is one of the best ways to not only get motivated, but can help with persistance. It is also a real time saver! For example, I started doing 10 jumping jacks after I brush my teeth each day. Over time I not only increased the amount of jumping jacks, but the amount I brush my teeth as well.

4. Using the Cue/Behavior/ Reward Technique

Everyone is different and may prefer different variations of this technique but the concept is the same. There are many sources online that further explain this concept. An example of this concept would be when I could barely get out of bed (let alone) take weekly classes, I chose to buy my favorite coffee drink (reward). The behavior or routine was getting out of bed and going to school. The cue was my alarm going off and the school day being on the schedule. Thankfully, I can attend class regularly without having to buy coffee every time but it did make a difference! Seeking out motivation and inspiration also helps facilitate the practice of a new habit. i.e. music, inspiring speeches etc...

5. Connections and Accountability

As I mentioned in my previous article, being accountable can help increase the chance of completing a task or goal. One way to be accountable is joining a community of people with similar objectives or goals. This can be helpful with motivation and create connections with others. i.e. Joining a fitness community online or in person.

6. Reminders

Having reminders such as visuals, auditory, written, or verbal reminders can be great ways to stay on track. i.e. leaving sticky notes around or using timers to complete tasks and stay on track.

7. Letting Go of Perfectionism

This includes not comparing yourself to others, letting go of "black and white" thinking, and expecting instant results. It's about knowing you may not do it all perfectly but you also don't give up on achieving your goals. I also find that having patience with yourself and the process and accepting that it is not going to be perfect can help with persistency.

8. Track your Progress and Celebrate the Milestones

Tracking your progress can help you see how far you've come to reach your goal. Rewarding yourself for your progress can help reinforce the new routine or habit you want to obtain. Some people use habit trackers or draw chains to keep track of progress. I also find that writing or talking about the progress can be another useful way to keep track of goals.

9.Environment

Similar to a growing plant, the right conditions to grow a new habit can impact the growth process of habit development. It's easier to focus on a goal or task in a comfortable environment. Also, being in a new environment provides new cues to start a new habit. It is about what works for you!

10. Replace a Negative Habit With a New Positive Habit

Much of our behavior is truly based on habits. This includes both positive and negative habits. I believe most people have at least one habit they know is not benefiting them and wish they could quit repeating it. Getting rid of negative habits can be difficult because the mind connects it with some kind of reward. The process of changing the behavior may also include setbacks, time, and may not occur in a linear fashion. There are also triggers or cues in the mind's connections that can trigger the behavior or habit. An example of replacing the negative habit is knowing your triggers or cues for the negative habit and replacing it with a new behavior. i.e. Drinking flavored sparkling water when having the urge to drink soda or alcohol. In this way, new connections can be made and the new habit can be developed over time.

Although most HSPs can be easily overwhelmed when faced with change , incorporating a degree of new healthy routines or replacing negative habits with positive ones can be beneficial. The tips in this article are ten of the ways I have worked toward developing new habits. Hopefully it will help someone achieve their goals and dreams! Feel free to let me know in the comments what works for you!

With Love,

Dahlia

Picture Source: Quotes and Notes via Pinterest.com

[scripttorture]

1/2 So I'm wondering, since I've seen these asks somewhat consistently in your posts, which is why I figured I'd ask you; do you think there's ever a good reason for including an actual rape scene in your writing? Why do people do it? To make their villain that much more monstrous? To drive home the fact their actions are unforgivable? Portraying torture accurately is important, but is it necessary to include everything that has ever happened in torture? I don't mean this to sound condescending

2/2 it's born from legitimate curiosity as I've always been wary of including a scene like this in my writing (I have characters who are victims of rape, but I've never shown it in actual writing). What are your thoughts on this matter, given how prevalent rape can be within torture?

Myattitude is that unless it is encouraging something awful in reallife then….never say never.

Peoplealso have a lot of different reasons for writing graphic scenes. Ipersonally know several survivors who’ve written graphic scenes ofabuse. Writing about awful things we’ve experienced can be anincredibly therapeutic thing to do, helping people work throughemotions in a ‘safe’ fictional space.

Oneof the members of my writing group has actually done this. Heincluded a scene in his sci fi that I felt was particularlyrealistically handled and when I complimented him on how well andsensitively he’d handled the story he told me it was because it hadhappened to him.

And-I think that right there is the major reason why we shouldn’tassume we know why people write or are drawn to these things. Theperson you’re talking to could have lived through what they’vewritten almost exactly as they’ve written it.

Somepeople who aren’t survivorswrite these sorts of scenes for similar reasons: they’re workingthrough complex negative emotions using fictional characters. They’rejust not using a scenario that they actually experienced. Which canlead to some less then stellar portrayals if they don’t do theresearch.

Idon’t think anyone will be surprised to hear that I’ve writtengraphic scenes before.

Abig part of the reason why I write and read about awful things isbecause I want to understand them. I’m a scientist and I stronglybelieve we need to understand violence if we ever want to solve it asa problem.

Forme writing is part of that process. It’s a way to try and find anemotional understanding, beyond what books and interview transcriptscan give. A way of putting yourself in the shoes of survivors, andyes the torturers aswell. Because we are surrounded by both everyday. And so far I thinkwe, as a global society, have really failed to deal with that. We’vefailed survivors in terms of giving them the support, care andprotection they deserve. We’ve failed torturers in terms ofrefusing to tackle the systemic issues which lead to torture and interms of failing to treat them.

Ithink fiction teaches us. It’s a wonderful, powerful and above allsafer way of exploringdifferent ways to live, to approach problems, to structure socialinstitutions.

Partof what I’m trying to do when I write about torture and rape isimagine a better way of dealing with them. Notso much ‘imagine a society without abuse’ as ‘how might webuild a society without abuse’?

But,as you say, that doesn’t always mean that a graphic scene isnecessary to a story.

Thereasons why I’ve includedthem have varied with the stories themselves.

Idon’t think I’ve ever included them in an attempt to showsomething about the villains, more often I’ve included them to showsomething about the heroesand the survivorsthemselves.

Oneof my stories starts with a very graphic scene. A group of charactersare ambushed, one is attacked andraped while the others aremade to watch.

Theentire story focuses on the survivor and his group of friends andcomrades. It’s very much about his journey towards recovery, thesupport of his friends and the pasttraumas he’s been systematically hiding from them.I felt the scene itself was important becauseit does effect his relationship with the people around him.

Ifelt that for this particular story the audience needed to know whathappened and how the character felt at the time in order for the mainbody of the story, the recovery process, to make sense.

It’snot necessary every time. But this particular story would, I think,be far less effective and far less powerful without it.

That’sthe kind of decision making process I use every time a story couldcontain a graphic scene. Is it necessary and why?

Anotherstory I have includes graphic scenes of torture because theinteraction between the victim and torturer is incredibly importantto the story itself. The conversations they have during andimmediately after torture have a profound effect on the villain. Theyalso illustrate the motivations of the hero more strongly then justabout any other interaction in the story.

It’sless about showing the villain is unforgivable and more about showingthe hero finding the villain’s human flaws and stamping on them.

Thatstory doesn’tcontain graphic rape scenes, even though the victim is raped. In thisparticular story details of that attack added nothing. There was noimportant character interaction or information that readers wouldneed to know later on, there was nothing that would add depth to therest of the story.

Thestory I’m working on right now doesn’t contain any sexualviolence. But the settings recent history is systematic raciallymotivated violence and civil war. Much of the focus is on how thecharacters navigate that history. The younger generation, who canjust about remember the civil war, and how they process that in theirinteractions with the older generations who fought it and committedatrocities.

Rapealmost certainly happened. I could probablydraw a funny fantasy map and point to the areas where it was used asa weapon of war.

Butagain, that detail isn’t necessary to this particular story.Neither are graphic detailsof torture. Because in this case the focus isn’t on individuals whosurvived atrocities, but the fallout for later generations trying tomove forward with the enormity of what happened.

Thoseare just three stories, but I hope they show that, for me at least,my reasons for including scenes or not vary as much as the storiesthemselves.

Isit necessary? Not always. Sometimes yes I believe it is, butcertainly not every time.

Youcan write an effective andpowerful story about torture or rape that never leaves an officeblock and contains no violence or sex.

Butsometimes I think showing the awful things the story is discussingdoes add to the power of the narrative.

Idon’t think thatgraphic descriptions of torture or rape should be included purely forshock value. I personally find this an ineffective way to write. Ithink it lessens the emotional impact and power these scenes canhave.

Butdifferent people enjoy different stories and process things indifferent ways. I think it’s important not to judge people for thefiction they consume and enjoy. Because at the end of the day that isjust a matter of personal taste. Weall process things in different ways.

Thefiction that seems meaningless and distasteful to me has probablyhelped a lot of other people.

Ithink it’s important to remember that when we criticise otherworks.

I’dsay that if you don’t feel comfortable writinga particular act, whatever it is, then don’t write it.

There’snothing to say that you mustwrite more detail and gore then you’re comfortable with. I wouldalways encourage writers to work within their own comfort zones.

Noneof us can individually tackle everything.

There’snothing wrong with choosing notto go into detail. Whether that’s because of what you’recomfortable with or because it’s what the narrative needs.

Andif the narrative is demanding more detail then you’re comfortablewith don’t be afraid to alter your narrative to meet your needs.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

[kitty-bandit]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but how do you get over writer's block?

Oh, man. The question that everyone wants answered. XD

Writer’s Block is hard. Sometimes it feels like you’ll neverget through it. But I’m here to tell you that you will. Even if you think it’simpossible, there’s always a way around it. I’ve got a few things that I dowhen the Block™ strikes. Hopefully, it can help you as well.

One of my most common types of Writer’s Block is where I know what is supposed to happen in ascene, but I can’t get myself to write it out. Maybe the words are just notcoming or I’m hella distracted. Either way, that wordcount is still stuck whereit was at, and I end up wasting a whole night doing nothing.

First, get rid of distractions. Turn off the TV. Close yourbrowsers and messengers. Use software that keeps you honest, if you have to.(There are programs you can use that will turn off the wifi to your deviceuntil you’ve either completed a task or have spent so much time on it. I don’tuse them, but they can be extremely helpful for some people.) Find a quietplace you can write. It might be your room, office, the library, a coffee shop—whereveryou feel most productive. Put on some music or white noise. Some people canwrite to music with words, but I prefer using nature sounds or musical scores.(I’m particularly fond of the Skyrim Soundtrack and my nature CD Echoes of theLoon.)

Next, look at the scene that you want to write and plot it out. Now, I don’t just mean ageneral idea of what should happen, I mean you figure out what the charactersare doing point by point. Figure out dialogue, parts of the setting you want todraw attention to, what exactly the point of the scene is, how the charactersare standing (Sitting? Laying?), what they physically do in the scene, theiremotions. Basically, it’s like writing the scene as barebones before actually writing it. (I wouldn’t takemore than 30 minutes on this part.) It may sound like doubling the work, but ifyou are seriously stuck on a scene, it’s the best way to get around it. Onceyou’ve gotten your notes written, then you can go ahead and use that templateyou’ve created to actually write the scene. This has gotten me unstuck SO MANYTIMES. It’s a miracle.

Now, if you’re having issues with a story in general, as innot knowing where to take a scene or figuring out plot points or just beingUNINSPIRED, I have completely differentadvice.

First off, I want you to take a break from writing. Maybejust a day, maybe a week. I know you’re thinking, “But I’ve been unproductivefor so long already!” but hear me out. Whenever I’ve been worried about writingand unable to get words in, I spend the whole time that I’m not writing worrying about the fact that I’m notwriting. What I want you to do is take time for YOU. Do not think aboutwriting. Watch your favorite show/movie. Read a book. Go exercise. Take a walk.Go to the park. Hang out with friends. Bake or cook. Go out to eat at a new restaurant.Do something other than writing! Personally, I will take the day to knit andbinge Netflix or I’ll go out with my husband and do a Pokemon GO run in thepark. Just get away from your story and chill out.

Something you may not think will help, but really does—CLEANYOUR SPACE. Whether that space is your apartment, dorm room, bedroom, house.Clean it. Get rid of clutter. Wash your damn clothes. Do the dishes that havebeen piling up. If your living space is orderly, it will cause you 100% lessstress. Trust me on this. Just take a night to get your space in order. A cleanspace is less distracting. Plus, the sense of accomplishment really helpsmotivate you to do other things. (If you can clean the house, you candefinitely get that story written!)

Now, I mentioned reading a book earlier, but I’m going to reiterateit here. READ. You should be reading if you want to write well. When you readstories, you absorb the craft. Read good books, bad books, fanfiction, newspaperarticles, scholarly journals. Basically, read everything. Seeing how sentencescan be crafted differently, seeing how some things work and others don’t, isvery important. Write down what you like. Write down what you hate. Trust me—thiswill help you immensely.

If you’re still stuck on ideas, check prompt blogs forsomething to stimulate you brain. Another option is to try consuming a newstory in whatever media you prefer (books, TV, movies, whatever). New stories willinspire you to create your own works.

One thing that is overlooked a lot is simple communication.Talk with some of your friends or family or writing group if you have one (basicallywhoever you trust) about any ideas you have that you can’t work into a storyquite yet. When you bounce ideas off other people, it helps your own ideasstart rolling around in your head. The ideas grow, gain momentum, andeventually, you’ll have a story! Plus, it’s hella fun to do!

Okay, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. XD I really hopethis helps out, Anon!

[anxious-patton]

Okay. Yes, it's important not to stereotype mental illness like this. But I also want to talk about the fact that there is no set way to suffer. And either of these could be harmful to someone suffering! Saying mental illness has to manifest itself in a set way as opposed to on a scale is dangerous. Disregarding someone's suffering because it's not as bad as yours is so, so freaking harmful!

Take 15-year-old me, for example. I would get up late in the morning at the weekend, lounge until noon. I woke up hating myself. I woke up thinking that my exams were next year and I had barely passed that latest test and that made me stupid and a disappointment. I would wake up prodding my stomach because maybe the reason I was so alone and hated was because I wasn't skinny enough. But I would always shower. Between the self harm and the hatred and the not wanting to leave the house if I didn't have to (sometimes I would spend entire days staring at my walls), I always got up for a shower. And maybe it was the only thing I did that day. But I liked being able to lock myself away somewhere where no one would intrude. And I liked the fact that I could cry in there and no one would see.

I had no motivation. I gave up drawing and writing and an exceptional student became mediocre in grades because I couldn't handle school, I got sent home often, I had breakdowns in bathroom stalls. But through it all, I went home, and I took long showers. And I did my make up every time I left the house. No one saw. If I was around my friends I was the same me. I made jokes, I sang really loudly. They just saw me trying to improve myself by losing weight. They saw someone who had an edgy emo attitude to uphold, so my not smiling often outside of our group was normal to them.

Can we agree I had a form of depression at this age? I wanted to kill myself for the longest time. I wanted to get help. I wanted to feel better. But I didn't! I never got help and I suffered for so many years, because of the extreme forms of mental illness I saw on my dashboard here. Because I would read about these people who barely showered and didn't have the motivation to do their make up and I would think to myself that I was a faker. And I would hate myself more for it.

Even now, I read this and I think, "I don't throw up with my anxiety, so maybe it's not real." It is darned real! I have lost sleep because of it. I almost lost my job because of it. I couldn't go out with my friends in public for the longest time, because I'd have an attack and not be able to easily retreat. But my anxiety is silent. I look fine. My heart pounds and my eyes dart around, and maybe I touch and press at my chest over my heart where I can feel it. But I look fine, unless you know the little cues. Because my anxiety comes if I get scared or something unsettles me. Sometimes if I drink alcohol or coffee then the Heat my body feels triggers it. But I don't hyperventilate in the typical way either. I take DEEP breaths, but not particularly slowly. And I'm filling my lungs every time, but I don't feel like it. Even my close family and friends refused to believe it was anxiety for the longest time. Despite the fact it wasn't a physical issue (I saw my doctor about the possibility of me having a heart issue twice) and these days I can lessen the effects by turning a lamp on while I try to sleep so I'm not as focused on my heartbeat.

So yes. Don't perpetuate harmful stereotypes like Hollywood tend to. Do your research if you want to write a mental illness you don't have yourself. But be mindful of the fact that because they are entirely psychological, no two disorders are the same. One person might take long showers for small comforts, and another might not move for days. Your different circumstance means that the way in which your illness manifests can vary VASTLY to the next person. If you think you might be suffering, then you darned well might be. And you should try to seek out help. You know yourself better than anyone. And better than any medical article or tumblr post. You know your feelings. Listen to them and act accordingly. Stay safe and stay fighting. It's worth it in the end. You will always have bad days, but they will be fewer.

romanticizing mental illness is dangerous and misleading

Artsy depression: haunted eyes, good at art, emo hair and eyeliner on point

Actual Depression: bloodshot eyes, no longer trust themselves with pencils, has not showered in five days

Quirky OCD: organized books, clean room, color coordinated outfits

Actual OCD: Intrusive thoughts, flipping the light switch 8 times so you don’t stab your brother, picking holes in your skin

Cute eating disorders: Slim trim and beautiful, shyly refusing a second helping, dancer aesthetic

Actual eating disorders: Puffy cheeks and eroded teeth from excessive vomiting, hair growing over your freezing body and refusing to eat carrots because they’re too high in carbs

Adorable anxiety: just a smol bean, soft, must be protected from the world

Actual anxiety: crying so hard you throw up, shaking, losing sleep over a period after the “okay”

RPG PTSD: flashbacks, vietnam, u don’t know what i’ve been through kiddo

Actual PTSD: Buying your first pregnancy test at twelve, flinching at high fives, i can’t feel my hands where am I what year is it

Cartoon ADHD: look a squirrel, something shiny, fidgety loveable bufoon

Actual ADHD: rereading the same page over and over because it doesn’t make sense, hasn’t done the laundry in four months, hyperfocusing on a mushroom knowing you have work to do

stop making terrifying realities seem cute. it’s disrespectful for those of us who are actually struggling

[jjkfire]

1/2 Hiii~ A faithful follower of yours here on anon because I'm too ashamed about what I wanted to ask you. I know you probably have a lot on your plate with college, midterms and keeping your page alive and I really don't want to burden you even further . I didn't know who I could possibly talk to so here goes, I've been very stumped lately. I've lost motivation for absolutely everything. I live in a town with no opportunities and I feel like I will never be able to leave, I'm failing college-

2/2 no matter how hard I try I suck at it lets be real. I feel like nothing is working out and there's nothing I'm actually good at. I worry about my future- not being able to pursue the career I desire. So I was wondering if you sometimes experience this feeling and what you do in times like this. I don't know what to do! P.s I feel absolutely terrible if I'm burdening you

hi i’m glad that you feel like I’m someone you can talk to! now this is going to be more of like a motivational pep talk rather than a pity one like you’re doing alright sweetie~~ and honestly everything that I’m going to say here should be taken with a grain of salt bc i’m just a blogger and I’m not qualified to give advice ya know what I mean? but wew here we go.

I absolutely have experienced this before and sometimes here and there I do wonder in general what I’m doing with my life and where I’m going. I’m just going to go ahead and say it’s okay to feel lost sometimes and it’s okay to feel like giving up but never, never give up. Keep pushing forward no matter how hard it is. Fall down 7 times, get up 8, you hear me?

I know what it feels like to feel like you’re just going through the motions and that nothing seems to be going your way. I especially know what it feels like to feel like you’re not good at anything. I think of myself as someone who’s the jack of all trades but master of none. There’s nothing I particularly excel at so I’m always playing catch up in all my classes just to be half as good as everyone else. But you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay. I really used to have a bleak outlook on life and sometimes I do slip into the same mindset from time to time but I always try to dig myself out of it. I find doing things like appreciating the small things is a good start. A sunny day, a cute dog pic, appreciating it when people smile at you, all these menial things. It sounds ridiculous, dumb I know but really it helps you just have a better, positive outlook. Also, I know it’s hard to motivate yourself to do things but you just gotta fake it, pretend you want to do it and just get started. The hardest part is usually starting. Set clear goals you know you can reach like do homework problems 1-3 or something like that just to start and later expand that out onto your life. Set goals. Any kind and every kind. Give yourself something to look forward to. They don’t have to be big ones but just set some.

First, I know classes are hard and you’re struggling and nothing makes sense but get your butt to the library and study, go to your lecturer’s office hours or even make friends with people in your class. Ask all the questions you want. Start from the beginning if you have to. I think one of the easiest ways to learn is to have friends in the class because it motivates you to study and if you can’t seem to make yourself study just say hey, wanna study together/go over notes? I don’t think there’d be anyone that’ll be like nah and if they do, that’s unfortunate but you know just keep pushing forward. You’re paying to take those classes, paying for your lecturer’s time so take full advantage of it. Sit there and ask them question after question until you finally understand. Don’t think about oh what if they think I’m dumb or wtv. If they do? So what? How does that affect you in any way. If anything, they appreciate that you’re actually putting in an effort to try and learn. Don’t suffer alone, don’t give up until you’ve done everything you can. I know it sucks watching some people who barely put in an effort score higher than you but that’s life and you just gotta work twice or 5 times as hard if that’s what it takes. Know that with a degree, you have so many more options. Treat it as a do or die situation and don’t let everyone who doubted you get to say that they were right. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Do you have to excel??? No. Just do what you have to to get through. Spend your summers trying to get an internship and if you can’t, that’s fine. Read up on your own or learn how to code. Coding is so important in this day and age and there’s a ton of resources online to help you learn. Do anything so you’re ahead of the game in at least some aspect. Explore and maybe you’ll find that something that you’re good at.

Next, leaving your town. Now, I’ll be real and say that with a degree this would be a lot easier. If you’re from a country where English is considered the national language or main language then there’s a ton of opportunities for you to teach English overseas. It might not be what you want to do but hey it’s an experience and you’ll get to experience a different culture, a different life, a completely fresh start in a new country. Perhaps even give you a new sense of purpose. I know Japan has the JET program and Korea has some sort of an equivalent and you can teach English in Thailand too if you’re looking for somewhere that won’t be as expensive. Maybe straight out of college, work a few months to save up some cash and then say goodbye to your small town. But remember, all of this is only possible with a degree. If you’re from a country where English isn’t the main language, I still think there are many work abroad programs out there, you just have to google. Otherwise, a third option is to save up and go backpacking. Work jobs at those countries you’re visiting to gain some pocket money or a free stay. Tons of people do that. Many envy those who live that way and etc but my question is who’s stopping you from doing the same?

About pursuing the career you desire. I guess there isn’t really much for me to say without knowing what exactly it is you wish to pursue but if you so desire it, make it so. Do everything in your power to make sure you can. Study hard, make use of career services on your campus if your campus has one and just keep pushing forward. Don’t stand in the middle and say I want, I want but not do anything about it. You want it? Go get it. Try, try, try and never stop trying.

I used to laugh at people who said the same to me because they don’t see the obstacles in my way but I’ve come to learn that if you truly, truly, want something then you’re just going to have to work your ass off for it. There’s no other way. It doesn’t matter the challenges you have to go through, you just have to. Maybe some have it easy but most have it the same way you and I have. 

Also, side note. People underplay connections so much but it is so, so important. People can get you that interview, that foot in to some place so never shy away from meeting new people. Even if they have nothing to offer like jobs wise or etc, I believe you can learn something from every single person you meet.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Work hard but also know that you’re only human and that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to take a break. Do something you love every once in a while and if you feel like you don’t have that something, try new hobbies. Be it drawing, running, dancing, fiddling on photoshop... just do something. You don’t have to be good at any of the above just do it as long as it makes you happy. To me, art is my escape. Like writing helps me deal with my stress and I often dance in my room after classes just to let loose. Listen, I’m not a great dancer but hey it makes me smile sometimes. Exercise is great when I finally get myself to go to the gym or sometimes just 30 squats in my room is enough to make me feel like at least I accomplished something. Playing around on after effects or photoshop is a new found hobby of mine and I’m absolutely atrocious at it but every time I complete a youtube tutorial, it makes me feel good. Maybe even learn a new language. With duolingo etc etc etc there’s so much you can learn and there’s absolutely nodownside to learning a new language. 

I feel like if you take life one step at a time, celebrate the little things, little accomplishments, it helps you have a better, more positive outlook. The key is to keep trying, to keep moving forward. Don’t settle, don’t give up. You’re young and there’s so much out there to experience, so many people to meet, so many countries to visit so, I hope you find that motivation you’re looking for. Know that I’m here cheering you on, always.