#i don't feel like i am welcomed here i just don't have it i guess

[a-chronic-overthinker]

Abstragedy Week Day 3 - Hurt/comfort

Knock-knock-knock.

Zooble knocked on Gangle’s door for probably the tenth day in a row, awaiting a response. They had been visiting her every day since they got back from the Spudsy’s adventure. Gangle had seemed sadder and more quiet since then -if that was even possible- and Zooble wanted to be sure they were okay. Besides, they always enjoyed Gangle’s company. And she had opened the door and welcomed them in every day (except today, apparently.) Just as Zooble turned away and was about to walk back to their room - they must have all gone on one of Caine’s adventures again, they thought - the door creaked open and Gangle’s mournful face offered Zooble a smile once again. They sat together in the vermillion room, decorated with red silk bows and littered with sketchbook paper and pencils. “Zooble?” she squeaked, anxiety in her voice. “Can I talk to you about something?” Zooble nodded, their eyes suddenly filled with concern. “Yeah? Was it Jax again?” "No, he’s not the problem. I am." she said, big tears surfacing from her voidlike eyes. "I really appreciate it. But you don't need to do this for me. I don't want you to feel bad for me, if you think I'm annoying you can say so and I'll leave you alone."

"What?" Zooble could have laughed at the idea of finding Gangle, practically the only good thing they had in the Circus, annoying. But they could barely put words together, her statement not fully registering. "Why... why would you think... who told you that?"

"Remember the fast food adventure? That's what Jax told me. And Ragatha too... I don't think she would have said it out loud, but she had some of that sauce? I don't know, I guess it made her more honest...." Gangle trailed off. "I just... I don't really know anymore."

"Gangle..." Zooble had so much they wanted to tell her, they wanted to stay with her as she cried, and fall asleep, safe in each others' arms... but everything was coming too fast again and all they could say was, "Why would I think that?"

Gangle blinked, wiping away a tear only for a new one to appear in its place. “W-what?”

“I mean,” Zooble said slowly, searching for the right words, “you’re the only person in this whole damn circus that I care about. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here. I-” They were interrupted by the firm grasp of Gangle’s arms around their shoulders. “Thank you.” Gangle whispered. And Zooble wordlessly returned the hug. After they pulled away from each other, they just sat there, leaning against Gangle’s four poster bed. It wasn’t awkward really, they could just stay for as long as they wanted, being in each other’s presence. “I mean,” Zooble mused, “what reason would I have not to be honest with you? If I didn’t want to come over, I wouldn’t have. I do that all the time with Caine anyway…” and they suddenly became aware of what they were saying - oh shit why did I say that she probably doesn’t want to talk about it anymore we were doing fine and of course I had to go ruin it what the fuck is wrong with me -

But then Gangle cracked a smile. And she started to giggle. Which made Zooble smile too, and before they knew it they were both laughing together, gasping for breath, not even knowing why. It had been so long since Zooble had heard that sound out of their own mouth, and when they had both calmed down, they looked lovingly at each other.

Like they were the only people in the world.

[fairyjiu]

it's hard work being a flop gifmaker on this site but someone has to do it.

[aeolianblues]

I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life

[rolandkaros]

holiday season sucks

[gotjynxd]

𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀 ;; mental health in regards to vision of self and s*icide

please proceed w caution if these topics are upsetting to you

it's just been rattling around in my brain the difference in jinx's mental health between seasons 1 & 2 and how specific people play a part in what we witness on the screen. even just writing up responses and threads, it's something you sort have to keep in the back of your mind depending upon when the setting of these things are. and i'm not talking about the fractures and voices she hears in her psyche, i'm more specifically talking about how jinx views herself throughout s1 and how we get to that lowest point in s2.

throughout both seasons, the main things that jinx has to deal with is 1) how she sees herself and 2) how that's managed, because i don't think she ever really holds herself in high regard throughout the entirety of the show. there's always this sense of guilt and of knowing that it was HER that caused so many of her loved ones to die and seemingly abandon her. she was the one who didn't listen to what she was told. she was the one who really didn't understand how the gemstones worked but tried anyways, causing catastrophe, and she was the one that inserted herself because she wanted to have just one moment of feeling valuable to the team. jinx just wanted to prove herself and had to watch what happens when she thinks she can actually 'do something'.

i think the only reason we don't see her slip far down into the depression void is because of how quickly silco not only picks her up, but distracts her by playing into her strengths. she is smart. she is handy and talented. give her things to do and something to focus on, laud her successes and she doesn't really have the time to fall. those fractures we notice seem to only really happen when a) something goes wrong/triggers her and b) when she's left alone too long to listen to herself.

season 1 jinx has purpose. silco, for all of his flaws and manipulation of her, gives her purpose. she can put distance between her guilt and shame. and i think it's what overwhelms her in the final episode and leads her to say 'fuck it, i'll burn it all regardless'. its the start of her slippery slope because that moment shows her 'oh look. i did it again. i thought i could become valuable and prove myself to my dad, only to kill him the same as i killed my other one and my friends.' that episode shows her that all the voices and things she heard about her were true. and they've caught back up to her.

season 2, however, is genuinely such a clusterfuck. between the explosion and the council and finding isha, i think it was the start of jinx's s*icidal ideation. you have the line "you feel that? ... because you know in a moment it could all pew. . .' and then 'you ever need to curse a sibling, or a family, or a society, that's my card.' (AND THEN THE LYRICS SAYING 'GOOD LUCK KILLING ME BECAUSE I'M ALREADY DEAD INSIDE) exemplify exactly where jinx's head is at. everyone was right. i'm a jinx. i ruin everyone's lives. i may as well be dead. she's alone. she's lost her purpose, there's no one around to give it to her. it's just her and the voices telling her she's a fuck up. her accepting that in the lines to smeech 'it's always me. whether i'm pulling the pin or not, everyone who gets close to me dies'. hell she still ghosts around the office because she knew offhand the time she'd normally go help silco with his 'medication'. she's just on autopilot with nothing to do.

enter the crew. between isha, sevika and warwick, jinx sees this all as maybe just one more instance where she can, what? how did she say it to sevika? 'it was something i can fix.' it started with her arm because it was digestible. tangible. something she KNEW she could do and is extended out to isha who wanted someone to help her and look up to because that fix and success of sevika's arm gave her a modicum of confidence again. (i'll be going over e3 i think later, because i need to develop my thoughts on that, but the important line she says that, again, exemplifies this first 'lowest' that jinx is in would be 'then stop me. because no matter what i do, i can't seem to die.' it leads me to believe this is more of a 's*icide mission with her hoping maybe she'd bring vi down with her and isha stepping in is what she needs to sort of 'snap out of it'.)

isha, then finding out about warwick, again we are shown that the second jinx finds purpose, or what she believes is purpose, she's able to put all of her effort into it and stave off these feelings that threaten to overwhelm her. because again. . . there's light in her eyes and hope as we walk through those episodes.

then, once again. as seems to be the pattern. she watches as she brings both of the people she loves into a situation where the outcome is their death. again, she's shown how she causes people to die around her. and how many more times should she be shown this before she has to start thinking that maybe. . . just maybe. . . the world would be better off without her in it. and again. she is forced to sit there alone, in a cell, and let these thoughts prevail. where we finally see her accept it all. she's tired. she's over it. nothing she gains after this would make the rest of it worth it. 'i'm done running in circles.' there's nothing left in her that's worth saving, not with all the death and destruction tied to her name.

in knowing that there's nothing vi would stop at to pull her out of the darkness, she has to take her out of the equation. clearly putting herself in the path of danger constantly, hoping that it will do 'the job' for her isn't working. and her monologue while leaving vi in the cell is, in a way, her goodbye letter. it takes ekko reframing her thought process (and i'm sure this took way longer than we're shown in the show, considering there's that cut content) and just, frankly, existing quietly with her, that once again helps drag her out of it. for now.

in summary: i don't think, after the events of s1, act1, that jinx ever really thinks highly of herself. i don't think she ever escapes that guilt and shame. but if you give her purpose, if you let her feel needed, in whatever form it is, that staves off these feelings and keeps them at bay.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

having complex feelings about gender stuff recently but i don't really know how to put it into words. some of it is about the self-erasure that becomes necessary when you try and talk about medical misogyny you've experienced as someone who isn't a woman but who is perceived by the world as one. some of it is about no longer feeling connected to female-centred stories of a kind you used to enjoy as a teenager because they always feel alienating but also not liking your own emotions about that because you should be able to enjoy stories that weren't written for you, it's just that they don't feel like stories that even allow space for you to exist in. but shouldn't men be able to enjoy women's stories too? but you're not a man. but you're not a woman. but the stories are about and for people who look like you but you're not one of them. but you would have been them if you lived in those worlds because nobody would have seen a difference, and that's viscerally uncomfortable, and impossible to enjoy--

and some of it is about looking for stories you could exist in and only finding stories that are profoundly unrelatable because they're only ever about characters who knew they were trans since puberty and had access to transition care in their teens and you didn't figure it out until adulthood and also that's not legally available in your country so that would never have been on the cards in the first place. or people who figured it out in adulthood but they're so certain and they're so ready to take risks and they'll change the world for a chance to become themselves because they know what they're aiming for. some of it is not being sure what you want but knowing you'll always have to be certain about it enough to fight for it because you're not going to get it any other way. some of it is not wanting to be an activist, not wanting to agitate, not wanting to have to resist every goddamn second bc you're just trying to exist in the world, but the only way anyone will ever give you a modicum of what you need is if you put all your energy into the struggle for it--

some of it is about feeling an ongoing tether to the experience of being a woman in a bad way but no tether to the experience in a good way and there's a weird kind of mourning in that, and a self denial, and an inability to reconcile your own contradictions in a way that feels comfortable. some of it is about feeling pressure to experience gender differently and to opt in to something else if you're going to opt out of what you were given but you don't want to do that either. and a lot of it is constantly self-policing your own emotions and thoughts and being convinced you're doing it all wrong somehow because you see other people being so free with their genderfuck, so unencumbered by expectations, so easily able to get it right for themselves and other people, and you're still misgendering yourself half the time in your mind because you don't even know what the right words would be at this point when you still have scars shaped like being a girl even though you're not a girl and you can't talk about them without doing yourself another piece of damage

like. i am who i am because i was thought a girl and maybe because i thought i was a girl and maybe i still don't understand why i'm not a girl but in my not-girlness i no longer feel i have any access to any kind of womanhood that doesn't hurt but i don't want to police myself out of femininity just because it isn't all that i am anymore

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

NOPE

NOPE

NOPE. NOPE :)

NOPE

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sadder than I have ever been

Okay that's exaggerating but

With a tv show one of the saddest xd

A MEMORIALLLLLL 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

I AM NOT OKAY

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU SHAUN

I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU BUT I DO NOT CARE

Okay okay I can calm down

About that at least

I swear Shaun if you focus on other stuff even to avoid your pain I will die

Yeah I get it Lea :'(( that sucks

And yeah I am sorry Shaun xd

Yeah

Ope???

WHAT THE HECK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

OH GOSH that's awful o.o

Lim????

Uhhh not this time xdd 😭😭💔

Oh noooo :'(((

Bro he literally can't operate xd

Oh gosh this is all so chaotic 😭😭💔 not good stuff xd

Not gonna lie kinda angry that we have a big event to be focusing on when Asher literally just died but maybe it'll help distract me xd

Well

The Good news is

The Rookie couldn't possible go worse

Knock on wood

I'm just sitting here in silence

My gosh

Huh

Wow

Gosh xd

Okay, that's the last my last thoughts, now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

. . .

I really loved this episode!! I don't think I can ever watch it again xdd

sigh

I want to do this while my emotions are fresh (and it'll distract me) but also I don't know if I can bear to

Especially sitting here (not literally) in the emotions of it all

Maybe a quick one

Idk

He deserves better than that though also xd

Maybe quick with a longer one later?

. . . I want to just go forget about it

But I think I need to process it

Because I'm still shocked and denial

I genuinely did enjoy this episode. I thought it was really well done, and I really liked the storylines in it. And, even though I am absolutely heartbroken, I'm glad Asher at least had good final moments, and the drama his death deserved.

Here's what I'll say about what I knew.

This morning, I woke up and saw and article along the lines of "'The Good Doctor' kills of lead. . ." or something along those lines. I quickly swiped it out of the way and stressed xd. Later, another one came (and here's the surprising part that I did not mention earlier, I believe in my review of last episode) that said something similar, "'The Good Doctor' kills of. . ." (something along those lines) and then, under that, something like "Related to: Jerome Martel". Genuinely, the most likely thing I expected was for Jerome to die. I later saw another article that I quickly avoided sight wise, then covered as I scrolled by down to swipe the notification away. And I glimpsed a picture and Asher and Jerome. I really thought Jerome might die.

I'm glad he survived xd.

But I also believe I thought to myself "I'd rather anyone else. I mean, not Asher, or" and then basically thought of "okay I don't want anyone to die" xd.

Hh.

It's been 25 minutes since I finished the episode xd.

Gosh

Okay, a few quick things about other people

So, I guess,

Onto the individual parts

Dom! Missed you today buddy ❤️. Sure you're slaying, see you again soon :).

Shaun and Lea! Oof on the what's-it-called-ing Steve xd. It's rough and I think they may want to let up sometimes but hopefully it helps them <3. I also hope the complaint doesn't affect Shaun too much, but at the same time, he has been treating Charlie unfairly. Anyway, love them.

Charlie! Segway xd. I feel bad for her. She genuinely was doing really good, and she just made a mistake at the wrong moment. I think Shaun should've been calmed, but I do think she needed to learn that that was not the moment to ask. It sucks, I hate the feeling of being told that I need to stop because someone's trying to focus and I just made a mistake. But she needed to, and I think this is an iffy thing to push her over the edge and make a report. At least I hope the report is on other things, not that specific event. She had some good moments this episode though, love her.

Park! Not too much going on, but he slayed on the case :). It sucks the way it turned out for the patients :(. Also, him at the wedding was sweet :')). Love him <3.

Morgan! Again, not too much, though her conversation with Lim was hilarious lol. Poor Lim in that conversation xD. Of course Morgan's hears all the tea though lol. I also like that she defended Charlie sharing her story :). Anyway, she slayed <3. Love her.

Kalu! He slayed today too :)). Glad that he too- well, not really defended Charlie, but was kinda on her side sometimes. Like they said, they're looking out for the interns :')). I really liked the bit where he quickly explained and she was cool with that - I think it just shows that she can be worked with, if you put in the effort and listen and be patient. Anyway, love him <3.

Glassman and Lim! I'm glad they worked everything out in the end, and that it did help Lim with her mom :'). I'm thinking this was mainly for that, and also so Glassman can have someone to be with in the last season. I still think it was a funky thing to do xd, but I'm glad they're happy lol. And I think it's good what he told Lim, that she can start getting closer with her mom :')). And I'm so sorry for Lim, that she and Clay broke up :((. Her line about being alone nearly broke me (though don't worry, I just had to wait for later for that) 😭❤️. I'm glad it's hopefully going to get better <3. Love them :).

Jordan! Didn't notice till she showed up that she hadn't been there, but I'm really bad at noticing that xd. I thought it was a cool way, a good scene and stuff, of working her in :). And her advice to and conversation with Asher was so good :'DD. I do wish she was here, considering what the episode was and how close and Asher are, but I'm glad we got to focus on his relationship with Jerome. And that at least she was still here ❤️. Love her <3.

So. It's time. I'm going to talk about the rest of the episode first, and then say a little bit. Then, I'm going to go cry a bit more probably, maybe have emo thoughts, and distract myself before I go to bed xd.

Asher and Jerome!! Y'allll I loved the content we got for them this episode :'DD. I mean I hate a fight but, hey, I love angst too lol 👀 xD. Still, I love any screen time for them <3. I certainly didn't agree with Asher's wildin opinions in the beginning xD, but I was still having a fun time. And I'm glad everything worked out (regarding the fight and that stuff). Asher helping with the wedding was so sweet 😭😭😭💔❤️❤️🥺🥰. And the talk he had with the rabbi :'DD :')). I loved that, I know that feeling <3. Also AAAHHHHH their kiss after the wedding 😭😭🥺❤️. I'm not okay <3. At least they got a kiss at a wedding :')). Where the arch thing was and everything xd. Random note that I mentioned in the liveblog, I love that they cook together so much. Anyway, AAAHHHHHH JEROME WAS GOING TO PROPOSE!! HE WAS HIDING THE RING!!! AAAAAHHHHHH :DDDD WHOO 🥳🥳🥳🎊🎉🎂🎂🎂🎂!! Asher found it too 🥰🥰🥰. He was stressing, aww poor babey <33 :'(, but I'm glad he finally made peace with it and made his decision :')). Also, regarding. . . everything, I'm glad that he knew <3. Also, Asher immediately going to get Jerome a bandaid was so good <3. Loved it :')). They were seriously so good this episode, it was great :'D. I love them so much <333.

Now.

The stuff xd

I was freaking out at the end. Until that yelling (even for a half second into it), I thought it would be Jerome. I was honestly terrified as well that it was a mislead and it still would be. But even more scared for Asher.

I like that he came full circle. I think he deserved that. Deserves.

I read a few articles after finishing the episode, and one, I think something from a writer, said "His last line is "I am a Jew. A gay one, too, and I'm calling the cops" " (or something like that). That he finally truly accept both parts of himself. I'm really proud of him for that, and I'm glad that's how it ended for him <33. It also makes me think of how his literal first line was about that very thing. He grew up Hasidic, before he decided that "if there was a God, He was nothing but a cruel being that I held nothing but contempt for". Then he says "That's when I started going to medical school. And also dating men". Or, something along those lines for all of that. I like the symmetry.

I do appreciate the commentary of it being a hate crime. We as queer people, and Jewish people (though I am not Jewish) are still facing so much bigotry. But I do kinda of wish that I didn't have to see it in the show as well. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I like to just feel that catharsis, and sometimes I just want to see the good sides. That it's not a tragedy.

Like I've already said though, I do appreciate that it got the drama it deserved. Asher went out fighting for what's right, accepting himself, and standing up for people. That's kind of what he's always been about :'). He also went out with an episode that focused largely on him and his journey, along with his relationship, and he got a good music moment at the end lol. Not to mention the angst of it all. And, of course, in the next episode his funeral. Though I do wish there wasn't a huge emergency as well. But (especially with the description specifically saying they'll all be dealing with their personal tragedy as well), it should be interesting to see at least. And again, it'll distract me and then xd. I just think it would also be interesting to see them trying to go through their normal lives as if this huge thing didn't just happen.

Also, something more lighthearted lol, imagine being at a funeral and then half the guests get up and leave 💀. Even knowing they're doctors it's awkward xD, especially since they're some of the people who cared the most about him (😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔❤️❤️❤️❤️). But it's like, that's what happens when you're a doctor xD. I just find it kind of funny lol.

Anyway. I think, if he had to die, Asher went out the best way he could here. At least he was fighting for something, unlike the tragedy of Melendez's pointless death. It's still absolutely heartbreaking, but that does bring some comfort <3.

Also, in those articles, I saw that the reason Asher was killed off is apparently because Noah Galvin wanted to move on from the show.

I love you sir but I am kinda angry xD.

Nah but for real, I do understand it, and I'm happy he gets/got to go back home and stuff, but I am like ". . . it's the last season" xD. Maybe he asked before it was cancelled lol, I don't know. If that's the case that kinda upset some more, because he might have been willing to stay for just like 5-19 more episodes xd. Anyway, slightly salty about that lol (how could you do this to me Mr. Galvin <33 😭😭😭😭💔💔❤️❤️ :')) :'(( ), but I am happy for him. And he's had a great run on this show, as has Asher <33.

. .

I want to say a little bit.

I know I've said a lot xd, but something specific.

I wish Asher was still alive.

I know that's obvious, and it makes sense, but there's layers to it xd. Yes, he was my favorite characters (nearly said one of lol - he is, but my favorite in the show). Is, that is. Yeah, correcting the opposite way of what you'd expect there lol. Anyway. Yes, he was my favorite, and I absolutely wanted him and Jerome to get married. It was something I was sad about missing with the cancellation, but apparently we could have had it (which I did think of earlier xd). Or at least the engagement xd. We really tried on that one lol - we were so close xd. But, I also just wanted him to live. And I wanted to continue seeing him xd :(((. I still do.

But beyond all that, Asher means something to me. Every character in anything I love does, but he is a very specific character.

He's a character I don't have anywhere else.

We are not exactly the same. But I don't think I can express the importance to me of a queer religious character. Even though he scorned religion, even though he was no longer practicing, it meant something to me. I said a lot, especially in this episode, that I understand it. I do. I understand questioning if you can live your life in your religion and be queer. I understand doing more research than most cishet people ever have to do, finding the scriptures that cry your acceptance and not your punishment. I have watched my religious community on Tumblr receive disgusting death threats because of what we believe. I have heard my religion made fun of my friends. I have fought to defend myself and my culture and my beliefs at every turn, from queer people and religious people and people in between. I have hidden and kept quiet because I was scared.

I am very proud of Asher for what he did.

And I hope that, if I were in the same situation, I wouldn't hesitate.

But especially after an episode where I was starting to see a character that I could maybe relate to even more. A queer character who wanted to keep religion in his life, who was going to maybe re-explore it. After that, I mourn him even more.

There will never be another character that can replace Asher for me. And that, at least, is an honor to him.

Thank you Noah Galvin for giving us this beautiful, wonderful character over all these years. About 3 or 4 now, gosh xd. I truly appreciate it, more than you could ever know.

And I thank you to the writers and everyone else on The Good Doctor. Even if I am not happy with Asher's death, I have been given storylines of him for 4 seasons. I miss him already, but at least I have the time we had <333.

Asher is a passionate, strong-willed, brave, often inexperienced, and caring character. All of that is a part of him, and all of it is important to me. I love him so much 😭😭😭💔❤️ <3. And there is truly not another character like him :'). I will truly miss him, so, so much <33.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode. I also despised it with my entire being and will not be able to rewatch that horrific ending for years xd. But I'm glad he got what he did, plot wise and drama wise. I know I've already said it a thousand times, but Asher deserves that. He deserves drama, horrific, even if I do want him to have nothing but happiness. He deserves that, he deserves to live, but he deserves to go out with the importance that he had, and I'm glad he did <3. I understand losing someone close, and I am absolutely devastated for everyone else as well :'((. I'm scared and kind of excited (for the angst and the catharsis lol) to see how everyone reacts and copes next episode. If they show me the immediate aftermath I will die, but I will love it. I will also despise it, so I'm glad that I don't think they will xd. Loves everyone this episode, I hope the Shaun and Charlie stuff gets worked out soon, and I'm glad the Lim and Glassman stuff started getting sorted out <33. And you know what? I'll say it. Asher and Jerome got engaged :')). I'm so happy for them <3. AAAHHHHH YAYY WHOOOO 🥳🥳🥳🎊🎂🎂🎂🥰😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺❤️🥰🥰. Because I can celebrate their love if I dang want to. I'm gonna miss them so much <333 😭😭😭😭���💔💔💔💔💔❤️❤️❤️. Nonetheless, it was a really good episode. I really loved Asher planning the wedding and the conversion ceremony, it was just so sweet of him to do that :'). And seeing him connect with his roots was great <3. I'm glad the ending- no autocorrect. no. . . lol. I'm glad the wedding worked out :). Everyone was great this episode <3.

So yeah! I absolutely loved this episode, it was so amazing. I also hate it and will never forgive it and them lol. Still, I'm hanging onto that engagement! I am so devastated and excited for the next episode. This has been my review of. . .

The Good Doctor, Season 7, Episode 5: Who at Peace

It was so beautiful. The next episode looks super interesting, and emotional, so I am excited to see it! I think it'll be really good. I'll be back here next week with my review of. . .

The Good Doctor, Season 7, Episode 6: M. C. E.

See you next week!

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪𝘪. (𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳) ⛵️

⤷ summary: miami and monaco. just lando being horribly down bad and y/n being at her wits end. poor oscar just can't escape the train wreck that is two losers with feelings and zero (0) emotional competency .

━━━━━━ ༻✩₊⋆☾⋆⁺✧༺ ━━━━━━

liked by landonorris, ynusername, and 45,790 others

tagged oscarpiastri and landonorris

mclaren sorry to report that the only good thing about miami was the weather! (and the celebrities)

17,492 comments

user1 it's okay admin, you can say the car was shit

mclaren yeah the car was shit

user2 mclaren team is cursed i fear

mclaren alr where my witch baddies at? please unhex us pls pls pls

user3 uhm!!!????

mclaren desperate times desperate measures and all that jazz

user4 normal people: oh no the car is bad. yn: we're cursed for generations to come ☹️

landonorris i didn't get to meet shakira, what's the point of going on living

mclaren there is none! kys

landonorris oh wow

user5 nahhhh she gettin fired 💀

user6 not a single photo with lando's face 😭

user7 boohoo ☺️ OSCAR FANS, THEY BROKE BUT WE UP ‼️‼️‼️

user6 ok enough

landonorris post me challenge (difficult)

mclaren uh no (: go talk to hr bro we do not careeeeeee

user8 this beef is crazy, yall havent made up yet

user9 DOES ANYONE EVEN KNOW WHY THEYRE BEEFING 😭

oscarpiastri yeah

mclaren hey oscar! great race

oscarpiastri don't ever lie to my face like that again

maxfewtrell gonna build the car myself at this point

user10 i see a podium in our future everyone say thank you max

user11 y/n livestream when 😔

ynusername (;

user11 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

user12 lando and admin flirting again, who could've guessed

user13 ... she told him to kill himself

user14 the enemies to lovers is enemying 🤩

user13 yeah, it's giving enemies to lovers but no lovers only murder

mclaren truth.

user12 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HWRE

user15 mclaren, fire everyone and hire y/n as the engineer/ strategist/ driver/ pit crew/ pr

mclaren we winning 🥱

oscarpiastri you'd be the only one finishing cause everyone else would die ☝🏻

mclaren shut the fuck up oscar 🙄

user16 flying cars they said 😔

mclaren how the mighty have fallen

user17 WE THE BEST TEAM ON THE GRIDDDD YUHHH

mclaren i'm gonna hold your hand while i say this

user18 it's been 20 years since i've seen my husband 😞 (admin won't post pictures of lando anymore)

mclaren your husband is ugly as fuck

landonorris what the fuck!

mclaren get off your phone loser

user19 full oscar picture when (i'mbeg ging you please i needg it nowe)

mclaren BAD DOG DOWN OMFG

lilyzneimer i would argue you were the best part of miami

mclaren YOU ARE SO FINE YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEAUTIFUL GIRL 🤭

oscarpiastri GET AWAY FROM HER YOU FREAK 🤺

user20 y/n being unprofessional on the team page, who's shocked

mclaren and the world kept spinning

user21 we all know who was really shit here (looking at you lando)

mclaren it's not funny when you do it.

landonorris when she defends you 🥴

mclaren i'm telling a trusted adult danielricciardo

danielricciardo what the fuck makes you think i can be trusted

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would you like to join? yes or no

now loading...

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The image flickered onto the screen as the broadcast began. Lando, clothed comfortably in sweats, a cap, and his streaming headphones, looked briefly off camera to where his guests sat waiting to be introduced.

He glanced up at Streamlabs and was shocked to see he had upwards of 30,000 viewers. He had only just started the stream and many people had likely not even gotten the Twitch notification yet. He shook off his shock and plastered on his usual smirk.

Everything is fine. I am totally and completely fine.

"Welcome, welcome. How are you all doing today? There's a lot of people here already. What's the special occasion guys?" He joked, being met with a scoff from the girl to his left.

Everything is not fine at all.

Lando almost never felt nervous when he would stream. After all, he was just playing game with his friends, the chat comments streaming through at a speed he could barely read. Even then, being in Formula One for so long meant he was used to being watched, his every little move being observed nearly constantly since his debut in 2019.

And yet all it took was her presence and suddenly he was nervous. His palms were sweaty, his heart was beating at a mile a minute- honestly you would think he were racing. How could he be expected to be funny and charming when she was here. She never seemed to struggle much in the department. It was almost entirely natural for her. Being perfect was like breathing air to Y/n he suspected.

As he watched the chat messages stream past even quicker on his monitor, he finally caught Oscar's gaze out of the corner of his eye. The younger man quirked a brow at him. What's your problem? His teammate seemed to say. He ignored him. Stupid Oscar and his stupid opinions and his stupid, uncomplicated love life. Lando envied the Australian most days, but now he just wanted to punch him straight in the jaw.

"Alright, it seems like most people are here already, so I'll just get started. I'm sure you're all wondering who my special guests are. The suspense must be killing you surely," He teased his audience. He ignored the completely accurate guesses in his chat.

Was he so predictable that it could be assumed it was either his teammate, Y/n, or Max were his special guests? Or was this a more unfortunate warning sign that he was just plain old boring.

"Seems like most people in chat were smart enough to figure it out! Please give a warm welcome to my guests! The lovely, stunning, awe-inspiring Y/n!" He cheered as the girl groaned, rolling her chair forward so she was behind him and within the frame of the camera.

"Oh and also Oscar's here," Lando added boredly, voice almost entirely monotone. Oscar scoffed loudly and he shot into frame kicking Lando's chair roughly, almost knocking him over and startling a laugh out of the girl behind them.

"Your an asshole mate," Oscar scoffed. Lando didn't hear him. The melodic laughing in his ear from Y/n was quite frankly the only sound his brain could process.

Who knew a laugh could sound so beautiful.

Who knew I could be so god damn embarrassing, Lando thought miserably.

"Guys do you see what I have to put up with!? How I get any shit done around here is a wonder," Y/n scoffed, "Anyways, welcome everybody, this is my stream now." Lando squawked indignantly.

"Excuse you, your in my home!"

"Yeah, unfortunately," she muttered with an eye roll and Oscar laughed.

"You should be grateful! Although these aren't the circumstances I was hoping to have you here under for the first time," Lando said with a completely unsubtle wink.

Y/n grimaced and Oscar doubled over with the force of his laughter.

"Viewers I am so sorry, please leave now, I have no way to muzzle him and apparently I can't sensor him," Y/n scowled.

"I fear he might enjoy that," Oscar muttered with a shake of his head.

Oh you motherfucker, Lando thought. Talk about subtle.

"If it was you, I probably would," Lando said to the girl and she planted her palm into the center of his face and shoved him lightly.

"Oh gross, cooties or STDs or whatever it is you men carry," Y/n shook her hands off and fake gagged.

"EXCUSE ME!" Lando shouted as Oscar nearly fell out of his chair.

"You're excused!"

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Y/n was holding on to her sanity by a thread. Or whatever was smaller than a thread... a hair or something. They had been answering fan questions for nearly 15 minutes already and Lando had decided today would be the day he would do nothing but flirt with her incessantly. He was like a child with a question or dog with a bone; He wouldn't let it the fuck go.

The sound of text-to-speech beginning dragged Y/n out of her thought spiral.

"Lando, what is your favorite video you've ever filmed?" The question asked.

Oh brother, Y/n thought. She looked at Oscar and he only laughed. How helpful.

"Probably the water TikTok challenge," Oscar hummed in agreeance.

"Why?" Y/n asked in confusion. She realized belatedly that asking Lando anything right now was probably a bad idea. She had set herself up this time.

"I don't know, I'm just a personal fan of anything that involves your hands in my hair," He smirked and she rolled her eyes. Her stomach flipped as she looked at his eyes. How could such a stupid, stupid man have such nice eyes (and lips, and teeth, and-).

"Well that's interesting," She smirked back, leaning her body toward him, ignoring the way she was blushing down to her chest. Her ears felt hot. It was hard to focus when she felt like she was burning alive, an unfortunate side effect that seemed to come with the irritating Brit in front of her.

"That was my favorite too," she added and Lando's eyes widened. Oscar looked at her in confusion over Lando's head.

"Really?" Lando asked, suprise clear in his voice. His smirk fell away for only a moment, but it was long enough for Y/n to notice.

Poor little Lando Norris, she thought. A bit too easy to read, this one.

"Yep," she grinned, before letting her face fall. "I'm a big fan of anything that means I can drown you." She responded in a monotone voice. Oscar cackled. The poor guy had hardly been asked any questions. Y/n found she didn't feel too bad anyway. The asshole was enjoying her suffering far too much.

Y/n knew the chat was going wild at their interactions, but she didn't really find herself caring. Maybe this was a bad look from a PR stand point, but then again didn't they always say "any press is good press."

Y/n wondered if the idiots who said that had ever had an inappropriate attraction to their asshole of a coworker, who just so happened to be public figure with fans who were becoming more aware of the tension with every day that interacted.

Probably fucking not.

Y/n watched as Lando's faux upset face cracked into a smile as he began to laugh heartily. She couldn't help but smile. Y/n was finding it hard to hold onto whatever grudge she had before. Maybe Lando Norris and his perfect smile, and his stupid jokes and his charming attitude weren't all that bad. Maybe, just maybe.

But they had absolutely no affect on her. None at all.

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liked by maxfewtrell, oscarpiastri, and 38,924 others

tagged landonorris

ynusername monaco post-gp (help me this guy is stalking me i can't get rid of him help hel

11,209 comments

user22 damn he took out my girl mid-sentence 😔

user23 Y/N POSTED LANDO?? AM I DREAMING?? AM I HAVING A STROKE??? OH GOD AM I DEAD

user24 girl calm the fuck down

user25 DOES THIS MEAN THE BEEF IS OVER

ynusername yes! (he has a gun to my head)

user26 LANY/N SHIPPERS WE RISE ONCE MORE

user27 get it together, they've posted together ONCE

user28 is lany/n in the room with us

user29 "lando and y/n getting along isn't real, it can't hurt you!" OH REALLY

landonorris i had other plans but i cancelled them to be your tour guide, you're welcome

ynusername me when i fucking lie

oscarpiastri do my eyes decieve me

ynusername shut up oscar

landonorris yeah shut up oscar

user30 couples that fight their friend together, stay together

ynusername i can and will block you 😃

user30 oh.

oscarpiastri no it's fine i didn't want to be invited

oscarpiastri i totally hate the ocean, it's not like i surf or anything

oscarpiastri looks boring, would've hated to go on a boat

landonorris other than the fact that i lost my flip flop in the ocean, it was fun i guess

user31 good job lando this came off exactly as nonchalant as you hoped king

ynusername HAHA LOSER YOU LOST YOUR SHOE

oscarpiastri I LOST SOMETHING ONCE 😞

user32 close enough, welcome back brocedes

ynusername literally what is the correlation here

user32 idk leave me alone

user33 um so this is actually insane

user34 i screamed so loud my neighbors called the cops because they thought i was being murdered

user35 can you be normal

user36 this might be the first original experience

user35 no, not original, just embarrassing

user37 i want to be excited about this but it feels so sinister

ynusername good, it should be

maxfewtrell never in my 23 years of living could i have expected this (lando messaged me to tell me what he was doing today)

user38 posting a comment is optional

maxfewtrell i have fomo, can i live

user39 lany/n shippers all around the world cheered

user40 oh you different friend!

user41 onto something ❌ on something ✅

user42 and the crowd is... the crowd is leaving??

user43 my crew lets go

user44 "war is over" we all say in unison

oscarpiastri not likely 💀

user23 HELLO OMFHADFSLJ

danielricciardo oh so you can hang out with him in monaco but not with me

ynusername sorry babygirl 😔 i didn't mean to abandon you

danielricciardo ew never fucking mind

maxverstappen1 i live in monaco too! hope this helps

ynusername i knew that already! hope this helps

maxverstappen1 oh.

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ynusername posted to story!

(caption: he won't leave me alone, this is sick)

17,822 replies

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landonorris posted to story!

(caption: she's trying to convince me it's cold out... girl no it is not)

24,006 replies

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I AM SOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK 5 MILLION YEARS TO BE UPDATED!! i am hoping to be more consistent moving forward, but my schedule is a bit of a mess with school. hopefully i'll be able to get some requests fulfilled soon as well though!

most importantly, thank you so much for all the love and support on this fic!! the amount of comments, asks, and dms asking about updates was staggering and it makes me so happy that you all like to so much (: receiving such positive feedback for this fic has honestly rejuvenated my love for writing so much, and i can't express how much the support means to me.

please keep leaving comments and dms with your thoughts, i love reading them <3 hope u enjoyed!

-

𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666

[ilydeku]

izuku loves to talk about you during interviews

- anything and every topic it will ALWAYS be about you

- the question won't even be remotely related to you and still izukus answer will revolve around "y/n, my wife!!" <3

- oh, the glint in his eyes, the peaking smile when he speaks about you, lover boyyy

- the media knows he LOVE LOVES you, they think it's funny for this big, confident, mighty hero to be reduced to sap when it comes to you

- it's like his whole personality is HIS WIFE

- the journalists lowkey get so SICK of him for this, they don't want to invite him anymore 😭

- but they kinda have to, due to to his status as #1

"Good evening everyone and welcome Hero Talk! Tonight we'll be staring someone you all know and love, single handedly the greatest hero of all time, Deku! Alright, Deku how are you tonight?"

"Feeling pretty good! This is one of my wife's favorite shows, so I'm even more grateful to be here. And how are you?"

"Oh, same old. Really, just living. Now, we wanted to ask you some fun questions. Let's start with this one. Why did you want to become a hero?"

"Wow, haha! That really brings be back to my youth. When I was kid, my biggest influence was All Might, and he miraculously became my mentor. He was a good hero, and a good man. I wanted to be just like him: fearless, persevering, saving people with I smile. I would beg my mom everyday to watch this video on the computer of him saving a bunch a people. I was really swayed by All Might. I wanted to become a hero to make an impact in the world. I wanted to save people with a smile too."

"That sounds really endearing, Deku. I remember All Might's reign. He wasn't number one on the top charts all those years for nothing. So, did you ever think you'd be standing as Japan's top hero?"

"Well, it was never really my goal to become number one. That was Kacchan's- Dynamight's. My dream was, like I said, to become a hero and save others. But I have to say, it really is a blessing. I'd like to thank my Mom, All Might, my friends, and especially my wife for who I've become. My Mom has really done a lot for me growing up: protecting, encourage, and just always caring for me. All Might has kinda been that father figure for me when my Dad was away. My friends have shown me what it's like to work together and really be part of a heart. And my wife? Haha...I can't thank her enough for all the times she's been right by my side, even before we were together. Nothing I can say or do will ever be enough to express how much she means to me."

"Mm. Quite the supportive group. Your wife sounds like quite the lady!"

"She is. She's wonderful."

"Moving on to the next question, do you use social media often?"

"Occasionally, yes?? My wife uses it regularly, posting about us when we go out and stuff. It's mostly for her family to see how she's doing. She handles most of my official accounts. She says it's to be more appealing to the public, and I guess to show that there's more to heroes on the inside?? I'm not really sure, but I trust her process. Although, I'd rather be appealing to her alone."

"The public will always interested in a hero's private life! Now, Deku, what is your ideal setting of relaxation?"

"My wife doesn't like places that are too crowded or noisy, so maybe a cozy day at the beach?- but early in the morning or in the evening when the crowds calm down. Maybe a movie theatre, but days after the movie is released so it's just us together. Actually, a lazy day at home together is great too! Cooking meals and watching a movie on the couch? Really, any place is relaxing if my wife is with me."

(am i questioning Deku's wife or Deku!?) "How scenic! Those sound very fitting for you!! How about any restaurants?"

"Not really. My wife really knows how to cook, it's amazing! I love her home-cooked meals, so there's no way I'd go out of my way to a restaurant. But if my wife is feeling it, I'll be sure to make reservations."

"(sigh)"

"(smiling warmly)"

[deadsetobsessions]

AU List

Hello! Welcome! This is my attempt at keeping the AU's boiuncing around in my head in order. They should be mostly in chronological order.

Some of them are getting turned into full length fics! The list (and it's open to suggestions) can be found here: Fic List

A couple of things:

Please feel free to write your own fics based on any of these! No need to ask, simply link it so I can also read it <3

If you have any specific scenarios you have an idea for and would like me to write- my asks/prompts are always open! I can't guarantee quality as I do most of my writing at like, 3 AM but I'll try my best!

Please don't send me unsolicited prompts in my inbox, as it stresses me out. Not because I don't want to do them, but because the prompts are not in the correct place (if that makes sense?) my brain is being (unironically) neurotic about it.

I don't condone racism, bigotry, homophobia, etc.. I do not welcome it here. I acknowledge that I have biases that I've yet to unlearn. If there's something that makes you feel unwelcome in the things I write, please let me know and I will fix it ASAP.

I write these mostly on little to no sleep (that’s when I get creative I guess?) so good luck.

Update: Apparently you can have too many links on one post (which was news to me) so the links are in the titles lol

Squatter!Danny Phantom Raises Tim

Tim 'self-preservation instinct of a wet paper bag' finds Danny Phantom squatting in his house as an injured vigilante and they immediately adopt each other.

Ghost King and the Justice League

Different scenarios where the Justice League (and extensions) deal with a Ghost King Danny Phantom, who generally just wants to get some sleep and avoid his paperwork like he avoids his problems- actively and indiscriminately.

Alcoholic! Danny Adopts Jason Todd (Fic)

Danny Phantom, a struggling alcoholic, finds his way into Gotham where he adopts a young Jason Todd... after accidentally making a name for himself, again.

Spider in Gotham (Fic)

Peter Parker found himself unceremoniously dumped into Gotham and merged with his younger, formerly dead, alternate self.

Gotham! Danny and His Bats

Different scenarios wherein which Danny Phantom is Gotham's city spirit and the task of wrangling Gotham's vigilante and villainous population is laid at his feet.

Danny in Gotham

Somehow, somewhen, Danny finds himself moving to Gotham. Other than the aesthetics, Danny finds it to be pretty similar to Amity Park's insanity.

Sea Cryptic!Danny Phantom

Danny Phantom cleans beaches in his off time. One day, he has to pick Batman (and his plane that was littered all over the ocean floor) out of the sea.

Danny Gets Yeeted (Yoted?) Into Gotham

Danny Phantom dented the Batmobile and got an adoption, vigilante siblings, and a gang of kids following him for his troubles/

Danielle "Dani/Ellie" Phantom

Danielle Phantom travelled to Gotham. Gotham encounters a wild Danny amidst its tall towers.

Timothy Drake-Centric

When Tim Drake is set on something, very little can stop him, With sub catergories : Reincarnated as Gamer! Timmy Drake (fem Tim)(Fic) and New Tim-line, Who Dis?

Reincarnated as Damian Wayne's Older Sister

Based on a nightmare, an OC finds themself reincarnated as Damian Wayne's older sister. She does not have a good time.

Prompts Found

A collection of prompts found and filled. Includes Triplet Tim and Reverse Trope Prompt.

Misc. ficlets and thoughts

My brain vs. whatever errant thoughts and ideas that decided to pop up when I'm trying to sleep.

[hadersversion]

‘tis the damn season.

“so we could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend.”

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue! reader

warnings: 18+, SMUT, p in v, fingering, begging, overstimulation, use of babe....let me know if i forget anything lol. ALSO in some places in america, thansgiving eve is literally just a holiday to get drunk in your hometown

your home for the holidays for the first time in years. you've been avoiding rafe, the reason you've been away for so long, but after seeing him again all the old feelings come back. when rafe sends a text one night, you end up in the back of his truck like old times.

i parked my car out front of my childhood home, staring at the old exterior.

somethings never change.

being back in the outer banks felt strange. it has been a while since i have been back, avoiding come home for as long as i can. but with a few begging phone calls from my mom and kiara, here i am.

i knock on my front door and am greeted with a bright smile.

"jj?" i ask, confused.

"welcome home, stranger." he says, with a hug and grabbing my bag.

i walk into my living room and see the pogues, sitting with my mom. a homemade 'welcome home' banner hanging above their heads.

my mom comes over and gives me a big hug. "i thought i would never see this face again." she says with a squeeze.

"boston isn't that far, mom." i tell her but i know she would never leave the outer banks. never in a million years. i turn towards the others and smile. "i wonder who could've put this together?" i say, looking at kiara.

"hey it wasn't all me, pope was the one who brought it up." she says, engulfing me in her arms.

"guilty." pope chimes in, joining the hug. i feel jj and john b join in as well. my family.

we break away and hang out in the living room, catching up.

"don't tell me you went all city on us, y/n." john b pokes fun at me.

"not completely. but it is nice having more things to do than hang on the beach and smoke." i wink.

"who could want more than that?" jj asks, making us all laugh.

"speaking of," kiara starts. "there's a little thanksgiving eve celebration happening at the wreck. just some people from high school. nothing big."

"just a chance to get drunk of our asses and go to dinner the next day hungover." jj says, causing kiara to nudge him.

"what do you say? want to join us?" i look around the room at my friends, all eager waiting for my response. with a sigh, i nod and they all cheer. "thank god, i don't think i could've done that alone."

i smile and nod. it should be fun, it will be. but my brain can't help to wonder if the one person who's kept me away from coming home will be there. no, he wouldn't. not with the pogues. but a part of me can't help but hope to see his face.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

i fix my sweater in the mirror in my room, my body fidgeting from anxiety. it's been a few days and i still can't shake that feeling from my body about being home. sure, i'm happy but this place holds so many memories. memories i wish to bury. i stare at the photo booth picture tucked into my mirror of him and i. i guess i forgot to hide this with the rest of the stuff. i take it off the mirror and sigh, examining it.

almost four years since it was taken. almost four years since we called it quits. and yet, he still haunts my memories. his presence making itself known through cheap beer at the bar, expensive men's cologne at the mall, exhaust that leaves motorbikes as they ride down the street. he's always there, whether i like it or not.

the sound of a horn breaks me free of my thoughts.

"y/n, they're here!" my mom calls from downstairs.

"coming!" i open my dresser drawer and slip the photo in before racing downstairs. i kiss my mom on the cheek and slip out the door, rushing into the van.

"ready to get fucked up?" jj asks with his devilish smirk.

i roll my eyes and laugh. "let's go."

we pull up to the wreck, it's already dark outside and a slight breeze fills the air. we all hurry in, greeted by familiar faces. my name is called from every direction, old friends from high school or the beach. all my fellow pogues who i know and love. when i'm done making my rounds, i head over to our table. everyone has some drink in their hand, beer or cocktail, and they all smile up at me.

"who would've though little y/n y/l/n would be a pogue celebrity?" pope jokes.

i flip him off and slide in next to john b. kiara hands me a beer and i take a sip. "i'm not a celebrity, i'm just one of the only people from this island who actually made it off."

they all make jokes at my despair, teasing me in any way they could when sarah walks up. i feel my stomach flip and i smile at her. "y/n!" she embraces me. "i'm so happy to see you!"

i hug her back and smile. "me too, sar. how's everything been?"

"the usual but i can't complain." she sits next to me and lays her head on my shoulder. "it's been forever."

"it has." i sigh. "it really has."

we all share stories and laugh around the table. we take shots, chug beer, and play different drinking games. just like old times sake.

"i need another beer." i say with a slight slur in my voice, standing up. "anyone else?" everyone shakes their head as i excuse myself.

i walk up to the bar and wait my turn, twirling my debit card in my hand. it could be the alcohol but i feel content and happy to be home.

"y/n?"

until that moment.

i don't want to turn around, i don't even want to accept my fate in this situation.

i know that voice, i could recognize it in a crowd of millions of people. it was the voice that lingered in my dreams, my thoughts.

i turn around and look at the man.

"rafe."

he looks older, his hair buzzed and some facial hair covering his face. but those eyes. they are the same eyes of the boy i loved.

we stood there, not saying a word. just taking the sight of one another in.

"i didn't know you were home." he says, not breaking eye contact.

i nod, biting my lip. "i am, i got home monday."

he chuckles to himself and shakes his head. "how long you here for?"

"till saturday. then i'm going back to boston." my throat feels scratchy and my face is on fire. i want to be anywhere but here now.

his eyes continue to study me. "two more budweiser's, please." he says to the bartender. i open my mouth to protest but he shakes his head. "on me, think of it as a welcome home gift."

the bartender hands me the beer and i smile. i turn back to rafe and tip the bottle to him. "thanks."

"no problem." he clinks his bottle to mine. we both take a long sip. my eyes are desperately trying to find a place to land, ending up on the bright sign above the bar. but rafe's are still on me.

"you okay?" kiara asks as she walks behind rafe. she is my gurdian angel.

"yeah, just waiting for my beer. excuse me." i squeeze past rafe and walk back to my table. i look back at him and smiles. i hate him.

a few drinks more and my ears are ringing. it was loud and everyone was far too drunk. i excuse myself for air outside. there are a few people lingering, smoking cigarettes or waiting for ubers. i smile and take in the nostalgia.

"you know, it would've been nice to know you were home." i hear rafe's voice next to me.

i roll my eyes and look up at him. "oh, would it have been? sorry, i didn't think you'd care." i say coldly. that liquid courage is taking control.

he looks down at me. "and why would i have not cared?"

"hmm, let me think." i put my finger to my chin. "oh, right. 'don't ever contact me again. we're so over. i wish i never met you. blah. blah. blah.' do you want me to go on?" i say to him.

i watch as he processes what i said to him, the words of our last fight. he looks guilty, for once in his life. "that was years ago, y/n. w-we were just kids."

"oh, really? then why haven't i heard from you for the past few years? phone works both ways, rafe." i say, shrugging.

he stands there quietly, i got him.

"how's school been?" he asks, nonchalantly.

"are you for real?" i ask.

"what? i'm being nice." he says.

i huff with frustration. "you are such an ass." i push pass him and walk onto the sidewalk.

"where are you going?" he asks, following after me.

"away from you." i say, not looking back.

i hear him run up behind me and he gently grabs my arm. "y/n. y/n, stop."

i turn to look at him. "what do you want from me, huh? you want to torture me even more?"

he stares at me, hand still on my arm. "what? of course not. y/n, i missed you."

"fuck off." i spit out without thinking.

"you're drunk."

"and you're an asshole." i say, flatly. "you...you fucking broke my heart and you expect me to act like everything is fucking dandy?"

"y/n." he tries to plead his case.

"no, rafe. you don't get to waltz in here and act like everything is okay with us. do you know how much you fucked me over? one day you're telling me you love me and you want to move to boston with me and the next, you're dumping me over the phone." i poke his chest. "i did everything you wanted, i kept what we had between us a secret, i took care of you. and nothing was enough for you."

he looks down at his feet in guilt. "i-i know, i'm sorry. i was...i was fucked up back then. with my dad on my case and the drinking...i wasn't okay. i felt like..." he cut himself off.

"what, rafe? you felt like, what?" i ask.

"like i was going to hold you back, alright?" he raises his voice. "you are too good for this place, for me. i didn't want to hold you back. i loved you too much to do that to you." i stare at him and laugh. "what? what's so fucking funny?"

"you, rafe. you." i sigh. "instead of being a man and handling your emotions, you ran and hid. we could've worked that out. but you were too scared." i close my eyes and shake my head. "goodbye, rafe."

i walk down the street, hugging my body as the wind blows. a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but there's still that feeling i get whenever i think of him. that feeling that i miss him.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

thanksgiving flew by, even though i had a hangover that felt like it would last a lifetime.

i helped my mom clean up the kitchen as the pogues did the dishes and took the trash out. just like old times.

once we were done, we sat outside around the bonfire. you would think after yesterday, drinking would come to a halt but jj found a bottle of vodka in the freezer and mixed it with kiara's apple cider. we all enjoyed each other's company but my mind could not help but wander. my last conversation with rafe ringing through my head.

"instead of being a man and handling your emotions, you ran and hid."

i shake my head and take a sip of my spiked cider. as much as it rang true, there was still that part of me that wonders 'what if?'. the more i thought about it, the more i wanted to pick up my phone.

no, i need to be the bigger person. i'm stronger than that. i can't text him first.

then i felt my phone buzz in my lap.

rafe: hey

i stare at the text and bite my lip. i know i should ignore it, let it go unread. but my fingers work against my brain and type 'hi' back to him. i sit there, eagerly waiting for a response.

rafe: can we talk?

rafe: i'm sorry about last night, i'm a fucking idiot.

rafe: there's so many things i could say to you rn

rafe: but i miss you.

rafe: i wanna see you.

i look around at my friends and sigh, they would be so mad at me for this.

y/n: sure, give me like an hour.

y/n: park down the street at the usual spot.

my friends leave my house, mainly due to me faking another wave of hungover puking. i run upstairs and check myself out in the mirror, i look damn good. when i get his text, i sneak out the backdoor and hurry down the street. i see his truck parked under the big tree, the spot he always parked in.

i open the truck door and hop into the passenger seat. i look over at him, he's still in his dressy clothes. a blue polo that hugged his arms right and khakis that made his thighs look exceptionally big. he knew what he was doing and i can't tell if i hate him or love him for it.

we drive in silence for a bit, his radio playing music faintly. his hands grip the steering wheel as his mind looks like he's on another planet. i play with the ends of my sweatshirt, anxiously waiting for him to do something. anything.

he pulls up to the beach, the spot where we would always come to. it was dark and the waves crashed against the shore loudly. he turns the car off and looks over at me.

"thanks for meeting me." he says simply.

"sure."

"i'm sorry about last night. you went out to have fun and i ruined it, i know i did."

i just nod at him.

"and...you were right. about it all." he sighs, running his hands over his face. "i should've manned up, talked to you about how i was feeling. but you know how i get. i get too in my head and just jump to conclusions. it wasn't fair to you." he looks into my eyes. "these past few years without you have been a living hell and i have only myself to blame."

"are you drunk? high?" i ask.

"w-what?"

"are you not sober?" i ask again.

"i'm sorry, what? of course i'm fucking sober." he says. "why would i not be?"

"rafe cameron...taking accountability? i'm sorry, it just seems so...foreign?" i laugh.

"i'm being serious, y/n."

i laugh again. "oh, i'm sure. and...the sky is green. we live on the planet pluto. aliens exist and so do unicorns!"

he pinches the bridge of his nose. "y/n, i'm telling the truth! god, you always joke around."

"yeah, because i know you." i say to him. "and you would rather eat concrete than admit you are wrong."

"eat concrete?" he asks, with a smirk.

"you know what i mean!" i huff with frustration.

he grabs my hand and stares in my eyes. "y/n, i am fully sober. we are not in another universe, it is not opposite day. i was wrong and i am sorry."

my brain malfunctions as i look into his eyes. "y-you mean it?"

"every word i said."

my brain not working means i experienced a lack of better judgment. i grab rafe by his collar and connect our lips for the first time in years. this kiss, the one i have longed for since i left this place, was the missing puzzle piece i've been searching for in my life. everything seemed to make sense again.

his hands cupped my cheeks as his tongue slipped into my mouth. he was hungry for me and i wasn't going to stop him because i felt insatiable as well. his hands roamed from my cheeks down to my neck and onto my shoulders.

i needed more.

i climbed onto his lap and straddled him. my arms connected around his neck as he pressed against me. i felt his cock hard against his khakis and i wanted it. i wanted it all. i rubbed myself against him, causing us both to moan.

he continued to kiss me until he broke away and looked at me. his puffy lips formed a cocky smile as he brushed his nose against mine. "you missed me."

"shut up." i was itching for more.

"admit it, you missed me. you missed the way i made you feel." he states.

"rafe, shut up and kiss me, please."

"ah ah ah." he shook his head. "not until you tell me."

"you're such an ass." i roll my eyes, trying to catch my breathe.

"yet, here you are, rubbing yourself against me in my truck." he says, kissing my cheek. his lips then go to my ear and down my neck. "i want it all with you, right now, babe. but i need to hear it."

"fine! fuck, i missed you. are you happy?" i groan, needing him.

"very. get in the backseat." he demands. i quickly follow his order, hopping in the back over the seats. he gets out of the truck and opens up the back door, sliding in next to me. "come here." he pulls me back onto his lap and we pick up where we left off. i continue to rub myself against him as he sloppily kisses me. "just like old times." he jokes and i hit his shoulder. "c'mon, don't act like you don't think about it."

"oh, i do. but i bet you think about it more than i do." i smirk.

"probably." he laughs. his fingers fall to the hem of my sweater and he plays with it. "now are we only here to kiss or?"

"why? you wanna fuck me in your truck? just like old times." i say, making fun of what he just said.

"i do, i wanna fuck you right here, right now. it's all i've been wanting to do." he kisses my jawline. "do you want me to fuck you?"

this is what i missed the most, our back and forth.

"yes, rafe. i want you to fuck me." i moan out.

with that, he practically rips my sweater off my body and starts to kiss down my chest. his large hands palm my clothed breast. i bite my lip and let my head fall back, missing the way he affected my body. i felt his hand snake around to the back and unclip my bra quickly.

"show off." i say, out of breathe.

i smirks and connects his lips to my nipple, sucking and licking it. his hand massaging my other. "don't pretend you don't like it."

i smirk and shake my head.

he continues to focus on my tits, going back and forth between the two.

"more." i whisper, eyes clenched shut.

"what was that?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"i need more, rafe. please." i beg.

"look at you all needy for me. i knew you missed me." his hand slipped under my jeans and panties, stopping right at my core. i felt his fingers curl inside me, going in and out. "all wet for me, huh? what a good girl." he pushed in, fingering my cunt, when his thumb found my sensitive bud. he added pressure, circling it, and i felt as though i was seeing stars.

"s-shit." i cry out, moving my hips to try and gain some friction.

"feel good, baby? let me hear how could i make you feel." he picked up his pace and a pornographic moan escaped my lips. it's been forever since someone has made me feel this good. rafe knew my body like it was his own, he knew how to get me going. "there we go, like how my fingers feel?"

"u-uh huh." i nod, mouth hanging open.

his fingers worked their magic, rubbing my clit at a pace that'll make me come undone in no time. "love the way you look on top of me, baby. so fucking sexy." he attached his lips to my tits again and continued fingering me.

i felt on fire.

i place one hand on the window and the other on his shoulder, holding on for dear life. the more he whispered about me and the faster his fingers were going, i was cumming on his fingers before i knew it. i rode out my high, screaming his name. once i was done, i felt him pull his fingers out of my pants, my juices getting all over myself. i stared down at him, trying to catch my breathe, as he popped his fingers into his mouth and sucked.

"just as good as i remember." he cleaned his fingers off and kissed me again. my hands ran down his buff chest and stopped at the bottom of his polo, lifting it up. his gold chain laid against his chiseled body, he was perfect. i felt as though i was in a trance as i began to kiss down his chest. i could feel his groans vibrating in his chest and i smirked because i was the one making him feel this way. "i need to fuck you."

"you need to?" i laugh, kissing lower and lower.

"yes, y/n. i need to bury myself inside of you, please." he pleaded.

"i like when you're the one begging." i bite him lightly, causing him to hiss.

"i bet."

i unbuttoned his khakis and sat up so he could slip them off. his grey boxers were discolored from the precum leaking off his cock. he took his underwear off and his cock sprung out. "i-i don't have protection." he said, mentally cursing himself out.

"well, are you clean?" i ask.

"yes. i-i haven't been with anyone since." he openly admitted.

i felt the darkness overtake my eyes as i lower myself down onto him. his breath hitched as he slipped all the way in. he was deep inside of me, causing a few tears to leave my eyes. but the pain subsided as he started to rock my hips with his hands, moving me back and forth. i picked up the rhythm he started with me and placed my hands on his shoulder to steady myself. i felt the truck rocking back and forth as i did so.

his hands found my ass and rested there. "fuck, i missed your pussy. so good, takes me so well." he kissed my chest as i grinded back and forth.

i felt my finger nails dig into his shoulder as his cock hit all the right spots. i looked down at him and he stared at me in awe, like i was some work of art. "fuck, rafe. you're so big."

i bite my lip as i let my head fall back in pleasure. i ride him fast as i keep saying his name. "shit, y/n. you're such a good girl, you're so hot. you feel so tight."

i connect our lips, i feel his hands tighten around my ass. this means he was close. "i want you to cum in me, rafe." his eyes widen as he opens his mouth to ask for permission. "p-please fill me up. i miss it so much." i say, trying to catch my breathe.

with that, he lets out a groan and my name falls from his lips like a prayer. "y/n." i feel him coming inside me, painting me. it doesn't take long for his thumb to find my clit again. with the extra pressure applied to my overstimulated cunt, i feel my head reeling. the air in the truck is hot, making it almost hard for me to breath. it all feels too much, my body releasing onto rafe yet again.

we sit there, panting with our eyes closed. i rest my head on his sweaty chest and he kisses me gently. he rubs my back, tracing circles into it.

"felt even better than i imagine." he says, his voice gruff.

"you thought about it a lot, huh?" i smirk.

"all the fucking time."

i take him out of me and sit next to him in the truck. the windows are foggy and our hands find each other, holding them. i get a sense of weird nostalgia, from how things used to be with us.

"well that was a thanksgiving to remember." i joke, trying not to feel overwhelmed by what happened.

"'tis the damn season." he replies.

i slowly slip my sweater back on and try to find my pants.

"w-wait." rafe says. "is this...is this it? just a single fuck and you're gone."

i look at him, his eyes pleading with me.

"i go back to boston on saturday rafe, we only have like a day and a half."

i wish we could keep this going, i wish this was how things always were. but i had to think realistically. i have to go back home, i have to move on with my new life.

he grabs my hand and squeezes it. "boston is only an 11 hour drive. hour or two by plane."

"rafe." i say.

"i can't lose you again. i can't, y/n. these past few years have sucked without you. i can't wait until you come home for christmas again. now that i've got you again, i can't risk it."

i sigh and kiss his hand. "i know. i know." i close my eyes and shake my head. "we'll make it work. we almost did it before."

"we can do it again." he smiles sweetly. i kiss his lips gently, laying my hand against his chest.

"you'd do an 11 hour car ride for me?"

"y/n, i'd fucking walk if i have to." he smiles.

i roll my eyes and kiss his cheek. "you're so cheesy."

he lays me back against the truck seats and kisses me. "don't act like it doesn't work for you."

[ohisms]

✱˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐔𝐍𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇 . ( a collection of lyric - based prompts based on hozier's album . adjust phrasing as necessary . )

i'm holding my world together with a bootstring .

i would do it again if i could hold you for a minute .

my life was a storm since i was born , how could i fear any hurricane ?

heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i .

i miss when we did not need much .

we didn't get it right , but we did our best .

when people say that something is forever , either way it ends .

i have never known a silence like the one fallen here .

there's money to be made , whatever is still to come .

i don't want to be anything like this at all .

there are some things that nobody teaches you .

we can celebrate the good that we've done .

if there was anyone to get through this life with their heart in tact , they didn't do it right .

all i needed was someone .

you only feel it when it's lost .

the awful things we do to make our heads feel quiet .

you may never know your fortune .

so far from home to have a stranger call you 'darling' .

i'm a butchered tongue still singing here above the ground .

if i was a riptide , i wouldn't take you out .

knowing that everything ends won't change our plan .

i feel lighter than i have in so much time .

i don't know how the feeling ended .

i know we want this to go easy by being somebody's fault .

how could i fall when i am lifted by every word you say to me ?

if i said that this was drowning , you'd tell me i'm walking on water .

who wants to live forever , babe ?

old and young are welcome to the meal .

how can something be so much heavier but so much less than what it seems ?

we had nowhere to go and every desire to go there .

if i fall , i only pray , don't fall away from me .

all our weight is just a burden offered to us by the world .

getting through still has a cost .

so much of our life is just carving through the dark .

after this i'm never gonna be the same .

some part of me must have died the first time you called me 'baby' .

are there limits to emptiness ?

i wish i was the sunlight , just sitting on the mississippi .

if you need to , darling , lean your weight onto me .

you can't buy this fineness .

some part of me must have come alive the first time you called me 'baby' .

the future's so bright it's burning .

i would do anything just to run away .

i heard once , it's the comforts that make us feel numb .

darkness always finds you , either way .

i know being reckless and young isn't how the damage gets done .

i haven't felt it since then .

i do not have wings , love , and i never will .

one time we would want for nothing , we knew what our love was worth .

i think i'll take my whiskey neat .

i'd still be surprised i could find you , in any life .

i don't need to know where we begin and end .

my name always hits my ears as such an awful sound .

i'm taking no orders , i'm gonna be nobody's soldier .

living the dream , benzos and gasoline .

i wish i could go along , don't get me wrong .

do you think i'd give up ?

i'm infinitely suffering , but fighting it off like all creation .

if you're drunk on life , babe , that's great .

what good would it be on the far side of things ?

i aim low , i aim true and to the ground is where i go .

i wouldn't sell the world , i would hold on for all its worth .

choose between being a butcher and a pauper .

i feel as useful as dirt .

it's the sound of it that brings me here .

when was the last time ?

i want to fade away with you .

whatever keeps you around , it keeps you around .

funny how true colors shine in darkness and secrecy .

when i was younger , i used to guess if there were limits to emptiness .

you know i'm good on my own .

one bright morning changes all things .

i'm sick to my skin , watching the news again .

how could you think i'd scare so easily ?

now that it's done , there's not one thing i would change .

would all things god allows remain above ground ?

i'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you .

you treat your mouth like it's heaven's gate .

could this be how every day begins ?

i can scarce believe what i'm believing in .

whatever you choose , you lose in the long run .

your reflection can't offer a word to the bliss of not knowing yourself .

the goal i was aiming for was the wrong one .

you're too sweet for me .

your heart , love , has such darkness .

let the sun only shine on me through a falling sky .

i don't wanna choose between being a salesman and a soldier .

how do you sleep so well ?

i wouldn't sell the world for all the gold and sterling .

the street is for the laughter of young women and men .

you can keep a dream in your mind only to find out it's the hope that's killing you .

each time i'm shocked by the light .

july is still coming , just knowing that gets me through .

maybe i have yet to venture out and see the places i dream about .

no closer could i be to god .

what you live in , it finds a way to live in you .

i want to be so far away from sight and mind .

you know the distance made no difference to me .

i thought you were like an angel to me .

i'd move so fast that i'd outpace the dawn .

all my love and terror balanced there between those two eyes .

i'm still glad i met you .

that moment i knew , i had no choice but to love you .

[nathaslosthershit]

“Notice me” “Beg for it" (LN4)

Summary: After what feels like centuries of back and forth flirting, Lando and his Mclaren teammate have tired people out with their inaction to do something about their very obvious crushes. Aka the 5 times they confused fans with their interactions + the one time they made everything clear (SMAU)

Part of my summer event! Warnings: Zak Brown, Reader sort of takes Oscar’s place? Also the timeline on this is weird sorry

mclaren

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris, and others

mclaren Proud to announce our official driver lineup for the next season as yourusername joins the McLaren family🧡! Can’t wait to see her and Lando in action next season👊🎊

username1 oh I am about to be unbearable once we get more content with these two

username2 i have no one i can tell about this

mclaren guess how we felt having to keep it a secret!

zbrownceo welcome to the family yourusername!

yourusername happy to be here!!!

yourusername Thank god the news is finally out, you all don’t know how hard it was to not scream it from the rooftops once I signed my contract

landonorris Wouldn’t want anyone else as a teammate 👊

yourusername I would

landonorris wasn’t what you were saying earlier

landonorris “oh Lando, what a dream come true to drive alongside you, I’ll be such a good teammate you’ll forget all about Carlos-whats-his-face and the other old guy”

danielricciardo why am I catching strays?

yourusername you’re saying I haven’t made a pretty good impression? Maybe I should have stayed at Alpine…

landonorris definitely not saying that, please don't leave

username3 the vibe between these two is off-

yourusername

liked by landonorris, mclaren, and others

yourusername P3! My highest yet 👊! What a blast this year has been so far and we have still got a couple races to go! While I could talk about how thrilled I am with my first podium in F1, it wouldn’t be right to not mention my teammate’s spectacular race, earning him his first F1 win. So happy I could be on the podium right next to you, Lando, to celebrate your first (of many) wins! 🎉

username1 they sure do put every other duo to shame with how much they support each other

username2 Lando’s win was amazing but my god I would rather talk about her overtakes

landonorris always the best supporter 👊

f1gossip

liked by 15,158 others

f1gossip Spotted: landonorris and yourusername seem to be spending quite a lot of time together on their summer break! While most teammates like to take this time to get away from the people they work with every day, these two seem to do the opposite, getting quite comfy with each other while on a eurotrip together.

username1 they can’t do this to me oh my god

username2 completely unprofessional in my opinion! They are coworkers they should not be vacationing together, especially since they are wearing revealing outfits at the beach. Disgusting how much this sport has changed

username3 you will live i swear its not that big a deal

username4 usually id argue against getting into drivers' business but it does seem inappropriate to be going to the beach and having dinner alone with your teammate…

username5 dont know who i am more jealous of tbh

username6 im sorry do you people not want them to get along?

yourusername

liked by zbrownceo, carlossainz, and others

yourusername team meetings and court (mclaren) ordered teammate bonding

username1 lando norris make it less obvious how in love with your teammate you are challenge (impossible)

zbrownceo I don’t think we ordered any bonding, you guys are close enough already. Maybe I will file a restraining order between you two so you guys stop distracting one another?

landonorris sorry boss 😞

yourusername boo you are no fun old man

zbrownceo want to rethink that last comment yourusername?

yourusername we promise we won’t distract each other as much, Mr. ZakBrownCEO

landonorris notice me

yourusername beg for it

carlossainz you both may be happy now but just wait until he replaces you with a fancy new teammate and forgets all about you

yourusername stop being a diva

landonorris

liked by 53,836 others

landonorris Going into today I wasn't expecting the technical failure that would cause us to have to retire the car. Because it wasn’t an easy day for me by any means, id much rather take the time to congratulate my favorite person on her first Formula 1 win. Seeing you grow from your rookie season till now has been such a wonderful thing to witness. Its even better to be by your side while you do it. No one is more deserving of this win. Congrats on your first (of many) wins :) 

username1 he is so in love i am sick

username2 who do they think they are fooling

usernamer3 so sorry to see you dnf 😢but glad to see you are in bright spirits

yourusername Lando 😭 such an incredible day and an even better celebration afterwords. Thanks for being by my side all this time, I couldn’t have done it without you

landonorris we both know damn well you would be just as successful, maybe even more considering how much of a distraction I am for you 😉

yourusername the only thing distracting about you is your stupid face and annoying personality

landonorris I guess you are just spewing out a bunch of lies today huh?

username4 they are already hot rich drivers why do they get to be in love too? 

username5 fr leave some happiness for the rest of us

yourusername

liked by 97,839 others

yourusername yes, we know you all knew this but let us have this moment please

username1 oh my god what a shock 🙄

username2 how will we ever get over this news🙄

username3 how could they have deceived us for so long

username4 nah i can’t even pretend like this is breaking news.

yourusername I knew it was a rumor but I wasn’t expecting everyone to know 😀

landonorris I always thought we were kind of discreet about it…

username5 are you kidding? It would be less obvious if you guys held up signs that said “we are in love”

[soulren]

Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.

There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.

But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.

And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.

Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.

This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.

And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.

And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.

And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 28/09✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: I am going to ask you to make a difficult decision… freenoodles or Shadowpeach

(Freenoodles, in my opinion, is just barely better than shadowpeach. Just because of how gay they are in season five. I mean, look at them and tell me they aren’t married.)

Sooo I go with shadowpeach. Freenoodle is like my comfort shit. so many cute and funny shenanigans, for me they are just the married couple who would probably have the healtiest of the relationship. They have teh experience, they went already throught all the "obliviouss-ness" and the "what if they don't love me" yadda yadda.

But Shadowpeach. Ow man. I thought the ineffable housband ship was complex. but god. oh god. how wrong I was. like- these two went from friends, to brothers, to lovers, to enemies, to friends again and to be lover again. They fucked up so much nothing will ever be the same. But they still weak for each other. They are at each other throat and also they know the other in the most intimate way. they are immortal. One of them fucking killed the other. They thought the other left them and betrayed and went both drama to forget (one choose found family, the other murder but anyway-)

Like- WHAT SHIP CAN BE MORE COMPLEX THAN THIS?????

Anonimo ha chiesto: Does MK have a favorite between his bio parents

oUH NO POOR MONKEYS. He doesn't, but he has a favourite depending on the context. Like, for training he prefers Macaque because he explains a lot better than Wukong, but sparring with Wukong is much funnier, but he prefers Macaque scratches and grooming, but he loves Wukong squeezing hugs, etc...

Anonimo ha chiesto: You know, I just realized something. So you know how people in the fandom give Macaque lotus nicknames since his ears kind of resemble lotus flowers. Well since MK has both Wukong and Macaque's ears that kind of makes MK's ears resemble Peace Lilies (which is kind of ironic since MK is the Harbinger of Chaos)

Aww I guess they do look like them!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I may sound a little to mean but Mk din't suspect a thing aout macaques eye? he has multiple forms were his eye is a cross i mean, i would think smt happend to that eye but that just me uu I LOVE UR ART IT MAKES ME WANT TO KMS /POS

He surely suspected something happened to Mac eye but he didn't know how that happened.

@queen-of-purple-roses ha chiesto: I have a question and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t have too; since we’ve seen Macaque feel guilty with how he treated MK in the past, does Monkey King feel guilty about all the dangerous moments that MK was put in, since most if not all of the fighting ends up on MK’s plate and not Wukong’s.

Oh absolutely, the more time passes he feels more and more guilty.

@catbox730 ha chiesto: Can we get more MK and Red Son please

mayyyyyybe. If you guys behave

Anonimo ha chiesto: It would be funny seeing MK‘s dads going to a doctor with him for like getting his wisdom teeth removed or something xD

The parents being extremely worried that something will go wrong while MK is super chill. When the dentist comes out of the operating room they grab him and ask him if he survived while MK is just eating ice cream post-surgery.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Will MK ever fight against one of his parents in a serious battle ? Or be forced to fight one of them ?

mmm. Probably. Maybe in the future they have a discussion. Nothing maybe too serious. But not in the AU plans.

What is Wukongs and/or Macaques biggest nightmare(s) I imagine it would be something like seeing MK die or sacrificing himself again or something like that

I think Wukong is more terrified of being alone. So actually I think it would be worse for him that MK doesn't want to see him anymore.

Anonimo ha chiesto: so who is going to be MK‘s hero that he worships ? I don’t know if he still sees Monkey king in that way after finding out that he is basically his dad and hearing the past the fight with Macaque….

Maybe he wont have any hero. Maybe worshipping someone is not such a healthy thing to do. ( I'm not talking in a religious way of course, I meant worshipping a living normal person)

@emmais333 ha chiesto: Love your MK art. One question how many fights from Wukong and Mac does MK overhear on accident

He heard the first one (and the past one through the vision) then Wkong and Mac started to teleport far away enough so he wont be able to hear them discuss.

Anonimo ha chiesto: What if MK catches Mac and Wukong in the act, not visually, but audibly, like hearing it when going to flower feuit mountain, finding the monkeys in a pile, all traumatized. Or is it too soon? Do they get drunk enough to not care? Do they even drink?

in the....act? (sorry I don't understand stuff if it's not explicited said, like I can't understand double meanings if that was what you meant)

Anonimo ha chiesto: I LOVE YOUR STORY, REALLY!!!! I reread a lot. So lovely. And the Baby MK, I just want to hug so badly 🥺 ( I think Macaque become Protecting mode and he won't let me do it. ) You draw Baby MK so so so cute. My heart can't handle it.❤️ Maybe it's a terrifying idea but I would like know your thoughts. I think that Macaque sleeps very quietly, like a man in a coffin.  + Macaque fell into a very deep DEEP sleep. (maybe because he was tired from fighting demons to protect Baby MK or get injured or something?) = How do you think Sun Wokung will react?

o my god NO DON'T GIVE HIM AN HEARTH ATTACK (heloses one of their immortalities for having the most horrrendous of jumpscares)

@raspberrymixin ha chiesto: AHHH I LOVE YOU SHADOW PEACH BIO AU OMG ITS TO FREAKEN CUTEEEE AAHH I just melt into a puddle! Love you art and make sure to take breaks- anyway- I find it cute how redson interacts with MK I can just imagine him giving him stuff and little gifts and Mk just confused on why but takes it anyway because of friendship and maybe a sign he's trusting more- but MK is just oblivious to the courting- And maybe redson would ask Wukong, Macaque, Tang or pigsy to allow it maybe? And I also love the slow burn! It's just cute on how Macaque and Wukong make each other blush! Awww it's just to cute! I hope you're doing amazing and have a good night/day

Oh man MK would not be able to read a single clue and just think it's a symbol of friendship or wathever. O my god he really did take from his parents (all of them)

fayeangel25 ha chiesto: YOUUU UFUFFHH WHEN I GET YOUUUUU anyways, I wanna see wukong asking macaque about the story of him and mac ( after mamacaque storytelled his lil baby mk ) , cuz i wanna see more flustered macaque!!! Also, 👏 EATING 👏 THIS 👏 AU 👏 UP!!

Hehe he would be a little shy about it. But Macaque is a theater kid so for a bigger audience I guess he would do it.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I feel like I’m new here. What is Court napping?

Consensual Kidnapping with the intend of flirting with another demon.

Anonimo ha chiesto: How many people want to court MK now that he is a real stone monkey AND the son of Wukong and Macaque ?

mmm. Only people close to MK knows that he's the bio kid of shadowpeach. So for now only Red Son

Anonimo ha chiesto: I bet PIF would try to wait for MK to lose the good guy ‘phase’ since she went through that before lmao (forget being good, convert to villainy in the name of love)

Awwww she would!!! But MK is just too good hearted to hurt a fly. (yeah I know he technically has a kill count still-)

Anonimo ha chiesto: MK would obviously call Pigsy "Papa" so what would MK call Tang and Sandy?

I think he would actually call Pigsy "dad" since it's what he calls him that in the show. Maybe it's Tang that gets to be called Papa. I think Sandy is more like an uncle.

@mage-of-words ha chiesto: When will Wukong purpose to Macaque?

WOW- HOLD ON THERE. LET HIM TAKE HIM TO DINNER FIRST.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Omg I wonder if Macaque and Monkey King ever saw MK get really hurt during a battle with a new demon. RIP the Demon bc two feral Monkeys are after them now bc they hurt their kid.

Them to said demon: So you have choosen.... death.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hear me out, Mac and Wukong in a get along shirt for a day (lost a bet to MK and he planned this too) LOVE YOUR ART TOO ITS SO SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTIOUCIOUS

this is an old ask, sorry for taking so long to answer. But I would say that at this point of the story Wukong would probably be at cloud 9 being squished to super soft macaque all day. Macaque would be like a kitten undecided on wheter he loves or hate the situation (doesn't really likes un-warned physical touch.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hoi there, I found you again! (Following you on Insta as well because your art is awesome ^^)

Reading your LMK ShadowPeaches comics and they are fun. And now my brain can't help but make up scenarios, one like this one. Oh my, MK is a cute little baby! (^///^) Oh my, MK is a little baby!! ('O_O) Welp, Pigsy is going to kill someone unless Wukong gives baby MK into his arms to calm down and be busy being a dad than a raging Hulk. (:P) Also, I imagine MK accidentally shrinking himself, (Wukong decided to play hide and seek with it only to later on regret it). Wukong would freaking out about it, and Macaque then shook him violently while yelling into his face for losing MK. Then out of Nowhere, Nezha shows up at the door frame and be like 'Um, hey guys. Is this yours?' Points at his nose where tiny baby bean MK was, clinging onto Nezha's nose while giggling.

askjajvbks that's a lovely scene! Unfortunately Nehza can't know yet about MK, but maybe he will...

@lara-legomonkiekid 💜:Hey! I'm here to ask permission!Can I make an art Drawing of your Bio parents AU Meeting One of my AU's?Please?(Mostly Suposed to be Meeting One of my OC's!) (Love Your Art and Comics!!!!)(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Yeah sure! just be sure to tag me and link the masterpost of the AU

Anonimo ha chiesto: I find it funny how your shadowpeach bio au came from a joke and now.....wow Your art is amazing

My friend even tried to warn me. BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN

Anonimo ha chiesto: I need Freenoodles talking late at night about MK's new situation Will they be worried? Happy? I don't think Pigsy will take it very well that just when he and MK accepted each other as Father and Son, he is (partly) taken away by his biological dads.

Pigsy was mostly worried that Wukong or Macaque would hurt in any way MK. Both ahim and Tang after they saw how much the 2 care about MK calmed down, still they just hope they don't mess up things.

Anonimo ha chiesto: parenting it not just about having fun with your children, but also making sure there are boundaries even if the child isn’t happy about it. So, how would it go if Macaque and Wukong would try to ground MK 😂

MK is a little old for being grounded I think but if they were to do it maybe with something like no training for a week or smt. He's still an adult (i know we sometimes forget)

Anonimo ha chiesto: MK trying to prank his parents and wake them up with a loud instrument or sound. MK forgetting he has sensitive hearing 💀

reverso uno card

Anonimo ha chiesto: Would wukong or MK help macaque in his drawings if he asked 🙃 or if they tried to help him improve

Awww they would!!! Actually what if this creative side of him was something he kind of inherted from Wukong?

[peppermintquartz]

"Kinard, you're not staying to watch the game?"

"Sorry boys, I got someone waiting." Tommy waves at the guys and flips the bird at the two who start making kissy faces at him. It's friendly joshing, he knows; he's not the only gay man here in Harbor, it's more about him finally having a boyfriend.

Boyfriend. It's a sweet word that makes him all tingly. He supposes that is how teen girls feel when they have their first boyfriends too. Mentally laughing at himself for comparing himself with teenage girls, he makes the long drive over to Evan's loft. His overnight bag is in the passenger seat. Tommy resolutely refuses to think too much about it.

There's nothing too forward about this, he tells himself, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel while he waits for the light to change. We are adults, we have had relationships with other people. And it's Evan who told me that I can stay the night after we watch the game - oh my GOD who am I kidding, I don't even care about the game. He exhales long and slow, licking his lips as he thinks about Evan's bright smile. He wants to kiss the breath out of Evan, and preferably all over the younger man too, without the obstruction of clothes.

Adjusting himself discreetly in his seat, Tommy turns on the radio, letting idle chatter wash over him. Traffic is at least cooperative, so he gets to Evan's loft only about ten minutes later than he expected.

"Hey!" Evan grins the moment he throws open the door, and in the next moment they're kissing. The overnight bag drops to the floor. Tommy blames the long shift earlier for the soft moan that Evan's kiss draws out of him. Evan may not know it, but he drives Tommy crazy with his pretty eyes and long legs and that mouth-

Except when Tommy tries to push Evan towards the wall, Evan resists. Tommy pauses, wondering if he's crossed some boundary he didn't mean to.

Evan is flushed in the most delightful way, and his breathing is just a touch heavier than just now. His tongue flicks over his lower lip. "I don't mean to stop you," Evan says in a low whisper, "except, uh. We have guests."

Only then does Tommy look to his right and see Eddie, Christopher, Howie and Maddie around the kitchen island all staring at him, with varying degrees of surprise and amusement. A little girl is on Maddie's knee, too busy munching on chicken nuggets to pay attention.

Howie is grinning like the cat that ate the canary. "Hi Tommy. Glad you made it."

Maddie whispers something to her husband and they both giggle, acting more like high school sweethearts than grown adults.

"Hey guys," says Tommy, a little embarrassed. "Guess we're watching the game together."

"We made empanadas," Christopher offers. His gaze goes from Evan to Tommy and then to his father. "The two coolest guys I know are dating and you didn't tell me?"

Eddie raises his eyebrows and gasped in mock outrage. "They're the two coolest guys you know? What about me?"

As Evan joins the group at the kitchen, laughing and teasing, Tommy feels his heart grow warm and light. This is what I want, he thinks as he drops his overnight bag next to the stairs. To have someone welcome me at home, to have dinner with people I like and love, to enjoy a great time together.

I'm gonna fight to keep this for the rest of my life.