#i don't even remember i think i'm supposed to do a reread next and then read something new

[decolonize-the-everything]

You are literally going to get people killed by pushing them to vote third party. People voting third party is why Trump won in 2016, which allowed him to stack the Supreme Court with conservative garbage which is going to negatively affect us for DECADES to come (already has, since it led to the repeal of Roe v. Wade which has LITERALLY killed people). I'm baffled, because you've done so much good work on this website (like I still go back and regularly reread your posts on whiteness etc because they're so informative), but advocating for voting third party going into one of the most important elections in recent memory is actively harmful.

Like have you heard of Project 2025? In case you haven't it's literally like a 1000 page manifesto for the Republican party to reshape the federal government to essentially let the President become a dictator. It also expressly mentions plans to roll back rights for women, the LGBT community, and pretty much any other minority you can think of. I know things are bad now - not arguing that at all - but if Republicans win next year, things will get EXPONENTIALLY WORSE.

You can sit there and yell about Democrats being "just as bad" until you're blue in the face, but it's literally not true. The Democratic Party itself is obviously just another problematic institution and there are definitely Dems who showed their entire asses with supporting Israel, but like... Progressive Democrats do exist and while they're obviously not perfect, it's absolutely a step in the right direction. Not to mention Republicans literally need to cheat by gerrymandering and attacking voting rights for minorities in order to even get elected in a lot of places, whereas Democrats tend to win when more people are registered and actually show up to vote. They are not the same, and the harm they do is not the same.

Again, I have a lot of respect for the work you do, especially with your recent posts on the Palestinian genocide. But I vehemently disagree with your stance on voting third party in this upcoming election. Ideally I would love if we could vote third party and actually have multiple options that more accurately represent us as a population, but our current system is a two party one and unfortunately we literally do have to vote for the lesser of two evils, because one option sucks but preserves what little democracy we have (and gives us a chance of making it better) and one will literally bring genocide against trans people. I would personally rather not see that happen.

How can you say this and mention the Palestinian genocide in the same ask.

Democrats are getting people killed. In fact they're committing one of The worst crime against humanity possible and then only thing you're worried about is that things might get worse for gay people if a Republicans wins.

I'm the biggest queer I know. I'm native. I'm brown. I'm almost definitely on a watch list. And listen to me and understand the depth of my words when I say: my people have been oppressed the way Project2025 outlines.

And maybe you personally cared or helped us protest that. But most people didn't. In fact I can't remember the last time the US supported native rights at all.

But now that YOURE under threat I'm supposed to risk my life because the queer community can't be bothered to stop discoursing about neopronouns long enough to actual give an shit about saving the community?

Y'all got a lot of damn nerve, let me tell you.

Go bark up some other tree cuz this is not the one.

Also I'm not pushing anyone to vote 3rd party. I'm laying out facts. Facts are a Gallup poll says 63% of people would vote 3rd party. Facts are my Tumblr poll says that number is STILL at least 45% on the hellsite.

And since people are interested in voting 3rd party they should know their options. The people who say "I would vote 3rd party but they don't have support" also deserve to see the articles that said 63% of people would join them.

They deserve to know that 3rd parties currently hold a not insignificant amount percentage of support from the two main parties. 20% of votes. When 33% is an even split are good odds. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sorry, blue Fascists, but this country is in fact still a democracy and just because you Want people to vote blue doesn't mean they have to and you feeling they're the best doesn't make you right!

Other people aren't "wrong" for not wanting your conservative Jurassic party in power anymore.

They can vote how they want.

And if you see a poll that says 63% of people would rather NOT vote for either major party and your first thought is not: wow 63% is enough to elect someone we want, I'll support that.

And instead you go: how can I force them to vote for my party instead.

Then please understand it is not THEM splitting the vote. Biden will get MAYBE 40% votes. You gonna force 63% of the country to vote for someone they don't even want?

There's a name for that yeah?

How'd it work out in 2016 when y'all "forced" us to vote for Hillary by putting her on the ballot? She lost and she wasn't even actively commiting a genocide.

But you think Biden will not only earn votes from that 63% but he'll also win the election. Against trump. Which less blatantly shitty democrats have struggled to contend with?

Democrats are legitimately delusional.

Your problem is you see Democrats as being better than Republicans. While the rest of us see less and less of a difference every year. And you can only say you're "better" if you're different enough.

See this is what happens when you vote for the "lesser evil." Eventually that evil balances back out and you're left with the truth that your two main options are just evil.

Now the only people actually different enough to make that argument are third parties.

Coincidentally, that's what people are drawn to right now.

I know, go figure. It's almost like it makes sense to lose support when you consistently prop up shitty candidates nobody asked for every 4 years.

We do not have a two party system and you know that, that's why you sent this ask.

Cuz you're stressed dems might lose. Cuz you KNOW people have other options.

Good. Cuz they will lose if Biden is the democrat's nominee and Claudia de la Cruz stays in the race, which she will since she's running with PSL not democrats. So there's no competition. Her party is organized and chosen her and a VP already, she's guaranteed every one of their votes because her party works like a union does.

It's a wrap.

Biden can't use his "lesser evil" script with Claudia De La Cruz on the ballot actively challenging his genocide and imperialism.

Vote Claudia De La Cruz cuz you are a scooping water out of the Titanic trying to get 63% of Americans to think voting for a Genocidal warmonger is what's best for any of us, let alone the planet. And we didn't want him BEFORE he did any of this.

[deadbeatbirdmom]

Personally I don’t expect team rwby to solve all bigotry, but I’d like to see them make any sort of attempt to at least begin to change something? Even relatively small scale?

The SDC seemed like the perfect opportunity but nope,

And maybe don’t kill,of characters like sienna and have characters like Robyn hill who are actively trying to combat class inequality get competed into fighting Salem instead

Movies like nimona manage it I don’t see why rwby can’t

This is the last time I'll be answering an ask to do with these issues in RWBY. I don't feel that there's a satisfactory answer, and certainly not one that I can provide. I've mentioned something along those lines before, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're not the same anon and didn't see my posted answer.

I recently reblogged a post about these issues, but that doesn't mean my answer has changed. That post basically said there is no simple fix, and that means it isn't possible to do in RWBY, unless it was a fictional fix that wouldn't work in reality, which would be disrespectful.

I'm not sure what you expect four teenagers to be able to do, even small scale. They're good at fighting Grimm, but that doesn't mean anyone's going to pay attention to them about anything else.

Ruby's lucky at least some people listened to her broadcast about Salem, but that's connected with Grimm.

Weiss was the SDC heiress but ended up having that taken away before she could do anything good with it, and actually doing anything would have had to wait until her father was no longer in control.

Blake persuaded Menagerie's faunus to form a militia and help save Haven from Adam's corrupted White Fang, but that took a serendipitous attack on her parents and their house partly burning down. She can't command that militia to do anything else.

Yang would struggle to persuade anyone to do anything. The last time Remnant at large saw her was during the Vytal tournament broadcast, apparently breaking Mercury's leg unprovoked. The CCT is still down, so chances are most people have no idea she was set up. I dunno, maybe she could intimidate some sense into people?

I'm not sure when team RWBY would have had time to do anything while in Atlas. Ironwood kept them busy. Were they supposed to take down or reform the SDC with the one night off they had? If they'd tried they might well have found themselves arrested, the SDC and its Dust is rather important to the Atlas military. And then where would they be with their goal of getting the second Relic from the Atlas vault?

As for after things fell apart with Ironwood... As important as these issues are, avoiding arrest and doing their part to help get word out about Salem, or helping Mantle and then rescuing Oscar had priority.

It's not the reason they've done it, they just happened to fall in love, but I guess it could be argued that Blake and Yang's romance is some sort of proof that faunus and humans are equal.

After Salem is eventually somehow defeated, I can imagine at least Blake working with or even leading the reformed White Fang and campaigning for faunus rights. I'm sure the rest of her team would help her if there's anything they can do.

But survival against Salem has to come first. So a huntress like Robyn Hill doesn't really have any choice. There won't be any world to improve if Salem isn't stopped.

As for Sienna, take that up with Adam. I'd much rather she hadn't been killed off too, but there was no other way that was going to end between them.

That's the best I can do, anon. I'm well aware it's not a great answer. I can't provide one. I don't think there is one.

I haven't seen Nimona, I don't have a Netflix subscription. Maybe I'll watch it the next time I want to rewatch She-Ra. I've read the Nimona graphic novel years ago, but I don't remember bigotry being solved in there. Unless you meant an attempt being made? I need to reread it.

Edit: this got long and I forgot about a read more cut until now. Apologies!

[hildred-rex]

LXGF Reread 2023-11-20

To make an analysis post I am currently rereading what is shaping up to be the entirety of LXGF.

This has gotten incredibly long, so I'm burying it under a readmore.

I love the bit of dramatic irony here. I think it's technically spoilers which bit is the dramatic irony, but just trust me, it's great.

The wham shot of Mina's teeth is so good. And coupled with "We have some experience with such matters."...

From this page: The supportive hand on Irene's shoulder. The supportive hand on Irene's shoulder. And Irene really looks haunted in the "An explanation would be welcome" panel. Everything from the angle she's looking to the shadows under her eyes to her interlaced hands. I just want to give her a hug.

Bam. The king. (Isn't looking quite himself, is he?) I remember I shuddered when I first read this page and came to this panel.

The king continues to look very bad on the last panel of this page. (TW scopophobia and disturbing imagery.) And the color. It's so subtle you almost don't notice it the first time, just that something about the page seems slightly off. It's very effective, even at that level. And then when you do notice it... Nothing in this comic is in color. Everything is sepia-toned. That's the way things should be. But the dead King Wilhelm von Ormstein has yellow eyes.

VAN HELSING! And it nails how he talks in the book! (Having tried to write him, it's harder than it looks.) Not to mention the joy in my heart upon continuing my left-to-right scan of the panel and seeing QUINCEY MORRIS!

I've skipped a bunch here because I'm supposed to be focusing on Griffin and haven't even gotten to him yet but Art—

JONNO EYES (not sepia. I repeat: not sepia.)

I forgot how much I loved our introduction to Dorian.

And then we actually meet him (and see Paul Lessingham, the Politician, the Statesman—thank you, alt text!). He's angelic when you focus only on him, but when you look at him in context (in the panel with Basil) he's... less so. Very well done!

Foreshadowing. (When something becomes not technically probably spoilers I have a very laudatory post about all this.) Also floppy Dorian lol

I love this page. Not only do we see Dorian purposely provoke Art (and then see Art react, showing off both of their characterss) we see—and I missed this the first time—some of the dynamic between Dorian and Basil. He jumps in to distract Art, despite being scared himself (and Dorian having earned it).

Awwh Basil looks so excited that someone's treating him kindly...

Dorian's stories from this page are all allusions to other things which have gone onto the "read soon" list.

The last panel of this page is so effective. (Its image description too!)

"boring filler headline" lol (and I enjoy the tags)

DETERMINED MINA PANEL 2! BLUSHING MINA PANEL 6! Also just Mina's outfit in general. (Also just the LXGF outfits in general. I love the little garlic flowers.)

Paranoid Kemp is done so well.

LXGF is very good at having very effective final panels. This one with the glass... It's very well composed (I think that's the word) and does a good job of displaying Irene's discomfort with the glass. (Here.)

It was introduced on the previous page, but here's the first time we get a good look at Jonnovision. My favorite cryptid solicitor.

On the next page there's more cryptidness (the speed), which I didn't notice my first time through. And his eyes are glowing in the first panel... And then the first expletive of the comic! Such a great way to properly introduce Griffin!

I love (in a sad way) how Griffin just caves in when he thinks about the murder. (Here.)

Griffin's whole first scene is incredible. I can't comment on all of it or this post would be several more miles long. Just go read it and imagine me vibrating with excitement and pointing at random bits and screaming.

Character growth for Jack! ...I'm now very sad.

The panel with Jonathan and the angelic smile and the giant knife is great.

I've been annotating over here less because we've gotten to the bit that I'm talking about in my actual post, but rest assured that I love it. Also, the yellow is brighter here. And the eye... I'll count myself lucky if that thing doesn't show up in my dreams tonight.

And the shot of the photo at the end here! The corruption happening to the king slowly coming to affect depictions of him... I love this for spoiler-related reasons.

Griffin's realization is both very well done and unaccountably hilarious to me.

Hel-lo Mr. Holmes!

He respects her change of surname! Better than a lot of adaptations... and the table lmao

He. He what. Also floomp.

Holmes's immediate concern for Mrs. Hudson warms my heart.

HOLMES AROACE COMING OUT SCENE!

Accurate VH voice is back—what the deuce are you two talking about?

his blood is yellow his blood is yellow (well really more like golden)

Also Jack looking panicked in the second panel is so well done.

Almost namedrop! And Griffin being a delight as always.

Hello Jekyll! Great to see you! I enjoy your almost alchemical-looking setup there.

The king is progressing...

Same page; I enjoy Jekyll and Hyde's designs. They have the same hairstyle, very similar noses, and the same style of eye; but they still look different enough that you probably wouldn't believe them if they said they were cousins.

"He is a horror of the un-dead." Line of dialogue, presented without comment.

The drawingsss...

The first panel of this page is absolutely stunning. So is everything else. So much that I wrote an analysis rant of it.

[just-antithings]

I'm not saying adults insisting they only need to read YA books and watch children's cartoons is leading to this culture wide phobia of sex which in turn is becoming a useful vector for the increasing spread of fascism except that is exactly what I'm saying.

Im not that anon but want to expand on their thought, if they're saying what I think they are.

I thought of this more when seeing an old post of someone saying their English teacher should have let them write a report on Divergent instead making them read 1984. Someone commented supporting the OP, saying that they never read Divergent, but 1984 is problematic. Iirc, the commenter referred to Winston (I think that's the protag in 1984; sorry I haven't reread it in years) as a creep. I can't remember is this specific commenter called Winston a misogynist, but that's a common complaint I hear when people say they don't like 1984.

The screenshot of that post also had other screenshots, including the twt posts of YA authors saying that the classics were problematic. It's a sentiment I keep seeing around book twt before I deactivated my account but still on booktube as well, and it's always booktubers who also read and rant about Colleen Hoover, because they know her name gets clicks. Or booktubers that do those videos titled "I read [old/popular/controversial] series so you don't have to".

Sorry, sliding off topic a bit. Going back to what anon said, YA books tend to be more sanitized. They're supposed to be written for a 15-19 audience, so sex and gore aren't supposed to be explicit. There are YA books with sex scenes. 2 I read recently have sex scenes, but they aren't explicit. One uses mostly poetic language and infers to what's happening, and the other essentially fades to black after they get into bed, as they're touching and then picks up the next morning. (One of these YA books had a big controversy on booktube a few years ago for being problematic, though. Gee, wonder why /s)

But for the most part, often for people who enjoy urban fantasy or romances but not steamy scenes, they may go for YA, since it's usually more "PG". Unfortunately, some people get it in their head that this makes YA inherently "better", that adult books that are being more explicit are only doing it to get more sales, when YA tbh has a tighter hold on it marketing-wise.

Okay, I'm not published (yet), but I've been studying it when I need to take a break from writing to see what course is best for me and what I want to write. YA is becoming oversaturated in the market, so it's not as big a "money making genre" for debut authors as it might have been once (and I'd argue that even in the past when YA was smaller, you still had to be lucky, known, or connected to get that 6-figure check for a debut YA novel). YA is more likely to get scrutinized, considering its supposed to he for a younger audience, so a YA author wanting to push boundaries is going to receive more push-back than an adult lit author.

Now pushback happens in adult lit, too, like Ava Reid saying her editor or publisher (I forget who) told her that Juniper&Thorn might be too dark. (I've read it. Yes, it's dark, but bad reviews I saw for the book blew it way out of proportion. If you (gen) like lyrical/poetic narration and gothic horror, I highly suggest it).

But it feels like there's more of a push to keep YA books "clean". You can find some outliers, but like the YA I mentioned above, those outliers in YA that push boundaries can get wrapped in controversy and called problematic.

And for whatever reason, some people on booktube say this is a good thing and say "think of the children!"

They will say censorship is bad but then advocate for sanitized YA to be read instead of classics, because the classics are "bad" and "teach bad things" and "should be left in the past". They advocate for censorship without realizing they are advocating for censorship. It's exhausting, and as someone who wants to be published and does enjoy a lot of YA, it makes me feel discouraged. I don't think I'm "pushing boundaries" at all in my writing or saying anything new, but I'm very sure it's not sanitized enough for most publishers, especially if I wanted to try for one of the beg houses in the US.

Tl;dr One of the major problems in this anti-intellectualism is capitalism.

.

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #02

previous | all | next

Continuation of my Trigun annotation for the book club. I'm doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc. (and being gay about the characters <3 always important)

Here are the beloved non-analysis sillies...

And the rest is under the cut. read my notes boy!!

[link for if the images aren't in horizontal rows]

The second page has an error - 悪夢 was probably misread as 悪魔 ("happen" and "awaken" are also the same kanji). It should be "Then, the nightmare occurred." It's really cool that this still works really well considering...y'know (not saying for the first-time readers ;) )

I just love how that drawing of Vash is so cool and serious...

...and then you turn the page and he's in the most pathetic cunty pussy-out pose you've ever seen. Easily one of my favorite panels. Also made a math question for funsies. sorry to anyone who got high school flashbacks, but I absolutely loved trigonometry lmao. I could do this forever.

A little pun(?) that may or may not be intentional - In Japanese, someone with a bounty on their head is called 賞金首, lit. "bounty neck" ("neck" sometimes signifies the entire head). The locals call out for the bounty-neck right as Vash hurt his neck lol

I love how creepy Vash moves sometimes. absolute cryptid

This is entirely a Japanese-only detail, but I really loved how Vash said バヤイ (bayai) in the sobbing in French line, because my mom also says that instead of 場合 (baai) when she's being silly lmao. Also, it's notable that in Japanese, Vash says フランセ語 ("Francé-go," where "go" is the suffix for languages) which may be either another miles->iles/double-dollar situation, or just him speaking silly like バヤイ.

Also, the line after that would more accurately be "How am I supposed to deal with all these locals?"

Here, the "Really?" is actually Meryl saying something like "I'll give you a hint."

Meryl tends to be the one responsible for the braincell in fanworks but it's important to remember that she absolutely is dumb too (affectionate).

I'm so glad I wrote that reminder about Meryl's speech, but I don't think I'll be able to do it justice here when I have so much more to talk about. I'll have to write another post later, so I'll link it when it's done. The gist is that she talks like a stereotypical high-class anime girl, and the trope is from how a similar demographic in Meiji-era Japan actually spoke.

The boy's pussy faces the world yet again. I love all the faces he makes!! look at him!!!!!!!!!!! he's so cute

The text on the board here was very messy and squished, but it says something like "Vash the Stampede Absolute Capture Task Force Headquarters." Honestly don't know how to fit all that into the board though so uh good luck on that for 2.0... Also dear god Vash has so much energy... He's just been running for 3 hours straight...!!

Fun fact: the equivalent idiom to "fight fire with fire" in Japanese is "use poison on poison."

Love how Nebraska is just like "no we didn't jailbreak, we just let ourselves out :/"

Translation error for Milly and the chairman - Milly is saying "Why do things keep getting worse and worse!?" and the chairman is mumbling "What's the deal with you two..."

Showing some love for his pretty pretty eyes..........(gives him so many smooches in my head)("i can imagine anything" image)(can't add it because i reached the 30 image limit)

The "Freeze!" is actually untranslated, just re-typed to match the surrounding font. Also, that panel is the first time Vash's antennae is shown bent!! It goes back up immediately after that though.

Fun fact #2. Vash says ara ara. if you even care.

This line never fails to hit me hard. They're all desperate mothers and sisters, and they're taking on the bad role because nothing's more important than their dear children. (reminds me of a certain someone...)

I've seen someone mention this before, but Trimax definitely adjusted the number of plants. Fifty!?!? Also, in Japanese, "plants" and "died" were in quotations.

I love the gun pull in the right panel. Vash obviously definitely doesn't intend on shooting, but is rather showing off his skill and resolve as an intimidation tactic to throw the girls off-guard.

God this entire spread is just so RAW.... (here's the post that's mentioned in blue. it just reminded me)

Some more hypes and sillies. The impact that "KISS MY ASS!!" had on my first read was phenomenal!! It's so silly!! and cool!!!

And then there's this!! Another favorite part of mine. Vash's antennae are bent again! They kind of alternate between straight and bent from here.

The green writing about the onomatopoea are more of just a translation note rather than a suggestion. I can't think of any good beckoning noises in English :V

And finally, Milly calls "Mr. Bomb" "Bomb-kun" in Japanese which I think yall would enjoy lol. And happy strangling her saturday tuesday.

The Japanese version of the annotations are in the reblogs, if anyone wants them.

I have Chapter #03 mostly ready, so I'll probably post it tomorrow morning and try to speedrun the rest of the chapters because this is taking longer than I expected!! God there's just so much to say!! (Also gotta remember to write about Meryl's speech!!)

And thank yall so much for the feedback on the Chapters #00-01 post!! I didn't know so many people were interested in such small details!! Love (and peace) yall 🫶🤞

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

This is technically a continuation of this post!!

-x-x-x-

prohero!bakugou who's been gone on an overseas mission for months with no contact to those who he left in Japan

any down time he's got he's at least reading through the texts he gets

a few from his mom, a couple from his dad, maybe a handful from his friends about all sorts of random shit he may or may not care about

then he's reading all of yours. He'll read all the new ones, then if he's really feeling his Emotions(TM) he'll start rereading everything

he'll also catch up on his voicemails, even if he doesn't have very many because most people know he won't listen to them or he'll go into his mailbox and just start mass deleting

but he does listen and keep all of yours

i mean, why wouldn't he? he asked you to do exactly what you've been doin everyday since he left

highlight of his days honestly

he's convinced that its the daily messages from you that help keep him off the next flight home- it sort of eases the urge to just go back home

but he does the mission from start to finish and when his date back is finally set he's itching to get back to familiar sights, soil, smells and the place where you are

but even when he knows when he'll be home, he still has no jurisdiction to tell you that

he'd have to wait until he's on the plane back home or even landed before he could whip out his phone and speed dial your phone

when he's packing his bag for his return trip, he's never been so disorganized in his life

when he packs for trips, he always prefers to separate everything. all his shirts are folded, his pants are rolled for optimum space, boxers are neat with his socks, toiletries are sealed in a waterproof bag and placed as flat as can be

now?

he's thrown all his shit inside the case and made it fit by force. squishing it all down and pinching the zipper together

he did not care if the zipper busted- he was ready to go the hell home

the entire flight home he was jittery. leg bouncing, finger tapping, arms crossed

he tried sleeping to pass the time, but he couldn't seem to calm down

most of the returning heroes who were coming home with him didn't even try and strike up conversation to make the flight go by quicker in fear of him snapping at them out of sheer impatience

when the plane finally lands, he's first off the plane and first to bag claim and first out the door onto the familiar streets of japan

"holy fuckin' shit," he's mutter, finally feeling relaxed before whipping out his phone and texting you

-wake up-

it was the middle of the afternoon and he didn't know if you were even home or asleep, but it was the only thing he could think to say strangely enough

-you can text!!-

he chuckles as he pulls his suitcase along with him against a wall. standing in the shade, he's attention is solely focused on his phone

he's glad you responded so quickly

it's been so long he couldn't remember your schedule anymore or if it had changed since he left

-i can do a lot more than that-

without much more prodding, your contact was flashing over his screen and he waits maybe a second (if we're being generous) to answer and push his phone to his ear

visibly exhaling when you start talking

"katsuki!"

"you don't need to shout, stupid"

"i'm excited, don't shout shame me. where are you? it's pretty loud over there. meeting? are you supposed to be on the phone right now"

he chuckles at your skeptical nature- like he'd break rules on a big time job in the first place

he's not that stupid

"i'm at the airport, i'm not gonna get my ass railed for being on my own damn phone"

despite his cursing, you laugh

then you register 'airport'

"you're coming home?!"

"nah, babe, i'm already here. come get me."

"what?!"

he barks at the sounds of your rushing around the house, probably scrambling to slip on the easiest pair of shoes you have and a jacket

"i'll be there in like 10 minutes. 20 is traffic is bad!"

"the traffic is always bad"

"i'm hanging up!"

he could hear your excitement before the line cuts and he's grinning before he's sending small texts to his friends signaling his return

when he sees your car pull up to the curb, he's pushing off the wall he's been resting against and you're jumping out of the car

he nearly has a heart attack since you didn't look at the road before rushing out and car were just whipping behind you

"moron! watch where you're going!" he's shouting at you as you run up to him

his grip abandons his suitcase handle to grab you as you ran straight into his chest, clinging to him as he took steps backwards from your crashing impact

his eyes almost rolled into his skull at the feel of you in his arms again after so long

he was positive he'd finally be able to have a good nights rest tonight, he can feel it in his exhausted bones

you pull away from him just enough to look into his eyes and he can see the shine of tears in yours, his hands resting on your hips just enough to sway you back and forth

"welcome home," you greet him

"yeah," he kisses your head "i'm home"

and he wasn't going anywhere else anytime fuckin' soon

[pttucker]

"Sooyoung-ah. Do you really believe that other companions don't know what's going on?" Han Sooyoung felt like she got punched in the head. "Dokja-ssi who doesn't talk about the Ways of Survival anymore… Do you really think others don't find that strange? Really?" "I-in that case…" "Most of the memories we share together, 'Kim Dokja-ssi' over there has it." The companions sitting on the mat and chatting away could be seen. Figures of Jung Heewon smiling brightly, while Lee Hyunsung was pouring beer; drunk Gong Pildu was singing, while Lee Seolhwa was clapping her hands. Jang Hayoung stood up from her spot and noisily yapped on with an exaggerated voice. – So, like, back in the Demon Realm… The 'Kim Dokja' they remembered was different from people to people.

Oomph.

It actually makes me feel a little sad that they noticed and all just silently decided to let it go. I get that this is literally what Dokja wanted and even if he's now feeling lonely on that subway out there somewhere in the universe (well at least now he has another Joonghyuk to harass to keep him occupied) it's his closest version to a true happy ending that he could find.

But I think I'm like Sooyoung in that, to me, Dokja is a reader and I just find it so alien that the other Dokja apparently took all of the memories of TWSA with him (understandable because 49% doesn't need them now that the scenarios are over) but more importantly seems to have taken even his desire to read it. Or even read any novel? Webnovel, at least. Dokja's phone was literally dead and he didn't even notice until Sooyoung brought it up.

And, maybe this is just me looking too hard because I know he's been split, but he even acts kinda strange beyond that? Like, Kim Dokja just outright honestly admitting that he's been having memory issues to everyone? Kim Dokja just letting Sooyoung basically go wild in front of him, even stab him, and having nothing to say about it?

I reread the section and honestly his companions do most of the talking and Dokja is uncharacteristically passive about it all. As if without TWSA (and without Fourth Wall? did the other Dokja take it with him??? or did that split too???) he's reverted back to the him that just quietly avoids his problems and doesn't resist when "bullied."

idk maybe it's because a lot of Dokja shines through his narration and this is in Sooyoung's narration so we actually can't see his "typical" Kim Dokja thoughts and feelings but it just seemed weird to me so I totally see why Sooyoung is agitated while the others are just quietly accepting it.

Not to mention, webnovels are the thing they shared so now Sooyoung has lost her connection with him completely. Literally their entire relationship was built around her being the next reader of TWSA and them strategizing together and I honestly wonder how much of that Dokja remembers if he doesn't remember the core part: TWSA. 😢

It is interesting though that Joonghyuk paused his cooking to hear Dokja's answer about his companion-related knowledge and then went right back to cooking after he answered. So I guess Joonghyuk also prefers the Dokja that just knows his companions? Which makes sense I suppose since Dokja reading TWSA has only ever been either useful to him (useful no longer) or a point of hurt between them.

[moefling]

Thoughts after reading Carry On. I will be rereading Wayward Son next (and AWTWB after). I'm making this list after finishing the book so some of these thoughts were in my head the entire reread and some are from annotations on my Kindle was I went. (Also this is my second read the first time I read it on audiobook)

I forgot that Simon was defiantly a troublemaker and pretty ruff and tumble even before he found out about The World of Mages

F*CK THE MAGE, but also he does have a good point about allowing other creatures and low power mages into Watford

Miss Possibelf is "not exactly human" (page 95)

Lucy was defiantly in an abusive relationship and she was still defending Davy after death. i also don't really think Davy loved her :/ at least not like she wanted

i don't think that Simon every really thought he had a future. like he kinda figured between the Humdrum and the old families we wouldn't live to have a future and before the World of Mages he was a kid in care who was always getting into trouble

its pretty sad that the Kids where very aware they were gonna have to fight to the death and they really didn't want it and none of the Adults were willing to comment on it (i think Matali makes a quick comment later in ATWB)

Simons wand didn't not work because it wasn't blood related to him

Fiona had a normal job lined up before Natasha died (pg 173)

i have a half baked idea that the reason Simon can share his magic with Baz is because he is a Vampire, like the Humdrum can "give" magic to creatures so Simon can too

i was figuring out the age gap between the two adult groups (Lucy vs Ebb) and had it narrowed down to basically the same age when Martin straight up said he was a few years older than them...

Lucy was in the cottage with Davy for around 2 years ish before she got pregnant

"It was just flirting, it's not like I tried to feed her to a chimera." (page 277)

Baz sucks his fangs when he's thinking (page 330)

"I can't believe you're asking me this, Snow. You, who can't walk away from half a sandwich." (page 429)

"I can't believe there's a part of your body that grows when you need it." (page 391) i'm pretty sure this was supposed to sound spicy but i laughed either way

when Baz tells Simon to run after the Humdrum comes to the Pitch estate i think i cried, reading it the second time i know Baz isn't really blaming Simon but i remember the first time i read it i though Baz really though Simon did it

"Maybe it's not a spell, Maybe he transformed" (pg 426) i think that this is saying more than we give it credit for - another half baked idea that Simon is like half imp/ demon/ elemental (i think we all like the dragon idea but i'm realizing CO really wonders about the tail and how it isn't a dragon tail)

when Simon kills the mage previously i though it was because the mage couldn't stop physically hurting Simon but i think it probably had more to do with the emotional damage (i'm sure some of it was physical but...)

when reading fanfic i also realized that CO doesn't actually say Lucy's brothers name (Jamie) or most of Baz's siblings names

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 5: Nightmares Walking

Or uh, riding, since that's what my picture has. Alas. Anyway you know the drill by now I'm sure, spoilers for anything and everything under the sun in this post, especially The Wheel of Time since that's what I'm rereading.

This chapter has the Trolloc triptych because we're getting a Shadowspawn attack.

He opened his mouth to shout warning, and suddenly the door of Moiraine’s hut burst open and Lan dashed out, sword in hand and shouting, “Trollocs! Wake, for your lives! Trollocs!”

Perrin, with the magical help of an entire pack of wolves, is only ALMOST as fast to respond to a crisis as Lan. That man's real fucking badass, y'know? (But also: Perrin is fighting his powers every step of the way and Lan's got two decades of experience with his own supernatural aid. It's only a matter of time before Perrin makes Lan look like the chump.)

The Tuatha’an woman pressed her back against the log wall, a hand to her throat. The light from the burning trees showed him the pain and horror, the loathing on her face as she watched the carnage.

I was just reading some stuff iliiuan had to say on the Tuatha'an before I got into this chapter so let me just note: Leya's priorities are all out of whack here if Perrin's reliably relating her emotions. She's not keeping herself safe, she's just being judgy about violence happening in her vicinity. And it kills her.

All that mattered was that he had to reach Leya, had to get her to safety, and the Trolloc was in the way.

Perrin's desperation to do the right thing even though of course he could easily write Leya off as an inevitability (and an inconvenience until the inevitable happens to boot) is why he's a hero, you know? I'll be giving this boy the most shit out of anyone but he tries to save someone's life even though he knows he can't and that's something.

The stink of it filled his nostrils, goat-stench and sour man-sweat.

It's good to know that Trollocs produce all the scents available to them instead of just limiting themselves to one or the other. And by good I obviously mean gross, but since I read it you have to too!

She was still there, huddled in front of the hut, not more than ten paces upslope. And watching him with such a look on her face that he could barely meet her eyes.

Leya's zealotry may be a formative trauma for Perrin I think.

Suddenly Leya moved, throwing herself forward, attempting to wrap her arms around the Myrddraal’s legs.

Well that's great and all Leya but isn't restraining someone so they can't move a very light form of violence? Like good... well good may be strong, but some kind of positive adjective... effort trying to protect Perrin and all but if you tripped the Fade isn't that causing it physical harm? Where is the line for the Tuatha'an? Did she in the last moment of her life betray her own beliefs for nothing? Concerning if so.

“Fade,” Perrin said roughly, but then a different name came to him, from the wolves. Trollocs, the Twisted Ones, made during the War of the Shadow from melding men and animals, were bad enough, but the Myrddraal—. “Neverborn!” Young Bull spat.

Half the reason we don't get Rand POVs much in this book is that Perrin's stealing his TGH schtick of losing himself in his newfound powers. I think this is something of a leftover from the proto-Tam character who was going to be Jesus AND the luckiest SOB ever AND a werewolf AND probably a really good shot I guess or whatever that fourth kid was supposed to contribute. Being easily replaceable, maybe?

The urge to rush down the slope and join his brothers, join in killing the Twisted Ones, in hunting the remaining Neverborn, was strong, but a buried fragment that was still man remembered. Leya.

Perrin will of course spend this book (and the next... ten?) afraid that he might turn into a werewolf forever because of an encounter, but we see right here that this isn't a risk for him because he's always got stuff to pull him back. Leya's barely in the list of ten most recent people he talked to but he won't abandon his humanity for her sake - how much less likely is he to abandon it once he's got Faile?

He no longer thought of the greater battle. There was only the Trolloc he and the wolves—the brothers—cut off from the rest and brought down. Then there would be another, and another, and another, until none were left. None here, none anywhere.

Obviously this is a terrible viewpoint to adapt if you're trying to be the strategy guy, but since Perrin isn't that anyway and the battle isn't reliant on such things, it actually works for him here. He's also more aware of himself than he was with the Whitecloaks, showing he's developed a little with his powers even if he's afraid of them.

Young Bull threw back his head and howled with her, mourned with her. When he lowered his head, Min was staring at him. “Are you all right, Perrin?” she asked hesitantly.

Note that while Min's obviously freaked out by Perrin embracing his inner furry, she's not exactly treating him like a freak show either. Like I said, she'd probably be very supportive if she knew the details.

Frantically he walled himself off from contact with the wolves. Images seeped through, emotions, as he tried to stop them. Finally, though, he could no longer feel them, feel their pain, or their anger, or the desire to hunt the Twisted Ones, or to run. . . .

Again we can kind of see how the proto-Tam's various aspects would have tied into a central character arc, with rejecting the naturalistic wolf expression being just one more way he would have been hardening himself and just one more thing he'd need to embrace to be the full hero at the end.

The Shienarans still standing—so few—lifted their blades and joined him. “Tai’shar Manetheren! Tai’shar Andor!”

Hell, even the Shienarans aren't that judgmental since they are already following Rand around.

But when he was with the wolves, it was all so different. He did not have to worry about strangers being afraid of him just because he was big, then. There was no one thinking he was slow-witted just because he tried to be careful. Wolves knew each other even if they had never met before, and with them he was just another wolf.

Is it wrong that occasionally I think Perrin might be a little bit on the spectrum?

“A sign to confirm our faith. Even wolves came to fight for the Dragon Reborn. In the Last Battle, the Lord Dragon will summon even the beasts of the forest to fight at our sides. It is a sign for us to go forth. Only Darkfriends will fail to join us.”

Masema is of course foreshadowing his delightful nonsense, showcasing how he was still corrupted by Fain, and letting Jordan make it subtly clear that the real Last Battle will be more complicated. It's not just Darkfriends who won't be on the side of the Light, even at the very end.

Do you know what I did during the fight?” Still staring into the distance, Rand addressed the night. “Nothing! Nothing useful. At first, when I reached out for the True Source, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t grasp it. It kept sliding away. Then, when I finally had hold of it, I was going to burn them all, burn all the Trollocs and Fades. And all I could do was set fire to some trees.”

Rand's an incredible channeler, but even he needs a teacher.

“We . . . dealt with them, Rand,” Perrin said. He shivered, thinking of all the wounded men down below. And the dead. Better that than the mountain down on top of us. “We didn’t need you.”

And likewise, in the final conflict, no one will be needing Rand to deal with the individual Shadowspawn and even if he could deal with them to keep the people alive it would be a waste of everyone's time.

There had been a man, Elyas Machera, who also could talk to wolves. Elyas ran with the wolves all the time, yet seemed able to remember he was a man. But he had never told Perrin how he did it, and Perrin had not seen him in a long time.

Sorry Perrin, but he doesn't really pull it off anywhere near well enough for your standards.

He gasped and almost dropped his axe. He could feel the skin on his back crawling, muscles writhing as they knit back together. His shoulder quivered uncontrollably, and everything blurred. Cold seared him to the bone, then deeper still. He had the impression of moving, falling, flying; he could not tell which, but he felt as if he were rushing—somewhere, somehow—at great speed, forever.

Another reminder that the best modern Aes Sedai have for healing at this point is emergency care, which works but definitely isn't the good stuff. Moiraine even tells him to eat afterward.

“Most of the wolves who were hurt made their own way to the forest,” Moiraine said, knuckling her back and stretching, “but I Healed those I could find.” Perrin gave her a sharp look, yet she seemed to be just making conversation. “Perhaps they came for their own reasons, yet we would likely all be dead without them.”

Moiraine is nice enough to try and thank Perrin subtly, but of course he's much too suspicious for any of that.

“If you could get me to Shayol Ghul now,” Rand said drowsily, “by Waygate or Portal Stone, there could be an end to it. No more dying. No more dreams. No more.”

It would obviously have a terrible ending, but a fanfic of Moiraine somehow taking sleep-deprived Rand to Shayol Ghul and just kind of hoping for the best would be hysterical. This Rand might not be as traumatized as he's going to be, but I still think assuming he'd last five minutes before agreeing to let the Dark One unmake reality is overly generous.

“That’s right,” Rand said bitterly. “I’m not to be trusted. Lews Therin Kinslayer killed everyone close to him. Maybe I’ll do the same before I am done.” “Pull yourself together, sheepherder,” Lan said harshly. “The whole world rides on your shoulders. Remember you’re a man, and do what needs to be done.”

If Perrin or Mat had tried sassing Lan like this they would have learned what their pancreas looked like once chopped in half before finishing the second sentence, so while Lan's toxic masculinity is of course only adding to the Dragonmount of psychological issues Rand's going to need to deal with, let's also reflect that it's still him going easy on his favorite boy.

Next time: Ingtar leads the crew out of Fal Dara, Rand finds out Moiraine fucked with his belongings again, and Lanf--

Wait no. Sorry. That was LAST book's chapter "The Hunt Begins". Next time we read THIS book's version, which probably has a lot less Ingtar due to his having a prior commitment. Also much less Rand on account of his running away.

[siberian-xanadu]

Hiii it's Violet misses her friend again hours!!! I hope you don't mind this little story I'm going to share, because it's something I think of every time I find myself in this state lol. So, back in January, around the New Year, I was hanging out in my sister's room after my friend had logged off for the night. It was only about seven or eight o'clock here, but he's 5 hours ahead of me, so it was around midnight to one in the morning there. This is important.

One thing you should know about me, for context, is that I've moved and changed school districts twice in my life. I moved in fifth grade from one school district to another, and then again between eighth and ninth grade. It's been hard to keep in contact with people from either district throughout high school.

So, my sister is scrolling on social media, and she finds the account of my elementary school classmate's sister, who announced my old classmate's death. Now, I wasn't particularly close with this kid; I spoke with him a couple times in elementary school, being in the same fourth grade class, but his mother was my fifth grade teacher (until I moved). What I do remember is that he was always nice to me, and his mother was a nice woman as well.

To be honest, it took me a moment to set in that this person from my childhood was now dead. In fact, it's been a few months and I'm not entirely sure if it has set in yet. It was a strange feeling. It is a strange feeling. Even though I hadn't seen him in six or seven years, and wasn't even that close in the first place, I knew that we were supposed to be starting our lives, not ending them in car wrecks.

So, in my shock, I messaged my friend on discord because I didn't really know how to react, or what else to do. I knew that we had said our goodnights about an hour before, and wasn't really expecting a response, but to my surprise, he got back to me within ten minutes.

Another thing you should know about me is that my standards for relationships (platonic in this case) are in turbo hell. I never really had a solid group of friends growing up, due to being neurodivergent and moving around a lot, and I certainly never got to the point where I would tell one of my friends about this.

And he got back to me within ten minutes. Not only that, even though he said he wouldn't be able to talk to me that night, he said that was because he wanted to help me in the way I deserved, and that he was thinking of me and that he loved me. What the fuck??? Like I said, my standards are in literal hell. This guy, that I met on this fucking hellsite that I've never met in person is a better friend to me than anyone I've known irl. Which is... sort of pathetic on my part, I suppose? But I guess it's also beautiful in a way; how two people can connect across oceans.

The story doesn't end there, however. The next day, true to his word, he sends me a "care package" (his words, not mine) of concert videos of all my favorite bands. I was in the middle of class when he sent it over, and I was, honestly, completely shocked. I don't think I'll ever forget that kindness. We had a long conversation that night over lots of things, partially about my classmate, partially about whatever we were talking about, but I think that's when I knew I finally had something real.

One last thing you should about me, and it's sort of a combination of moving a lot, never really forming solid friendships, and some issues with my mother (that is a whole 'nother can of worms) is that I have some anxiety around abandonment. I recognize it for what it is now, and do my best to not let it interfere with my relationships, but sometimes I do get anxious, and start trying to mentally prepare myself for the end of a relationship (romantic or platonic). So, I have to recognize I'm spiraling and I have to fight it off. Rereading those messages always grounds me and reminds me that it's all in my head.

I really didn't intend to write this much, but whatever! I feel it's got a good message, I think.

[kevin-sedai]

The comments on this reddit post are giving me hives https://www(dot)reddit(dot)com/r/television/comments/1756ksa/amazons_wheel_of_time_has_a_serious_dragon_reborn/ they're talking as if the books had everything figured out and were perfect from the start and as if they don't understand how tv works or even storytelling in general no the show isn't perfect but it's doing so many things right some of the stuff they're complaining about is insanity saying rafe hates the books is so stupid when he's demonstrated in so many interviews how much he loves them and has tried to follow their spirit and the characters arcs despite some impossible challenges

Yeah, it's really insane how people are just not going to bend that changes have to be made. It's 14 books and 8 episodes a season is going to warrant changes, some more creative than the others. I remember Rafe was actually annoyed because he wanted more episodes and a longer pilot, and he was denied both and told 8 episodes. I'm sure there were scenes that Rafe wanted in the show (RIP flicker flicker scene) but I think he took the route some other book readers are taking, which is that if it has the spirit of the story, then he's happy (and so am I!)

I reread EotW last fall and THG in the spring, and there were some things in both books that didn't hold up as the series went on. I can't remember specifically (I was reading the story and was like, "Wrong," lmao) but I'm pretty sure they related to channeling. Idk if anyone else would be able to find them, but I do remember that there were inconsistencies. RJ was writing a long series, so he was going to make changes, which weren't going to flow with the rest of the series.

Next part I'm going to write as a read more bc it's a spoiler, but it's an example of a change RJ made himself. If you didnt finish the series and don't want spoilers, don't continue, you have been warned.

The Dusty Wheel on Youtube confirmed that RJ's notes have it written that Taim was supposed to be Demandred the whole time. At the moment of Taim's intro, Lews in Rand's head was comparing Taim to Demandred (same nose, same hair, same height, etc.) Literally everytime Taim showed up in LoC, Lews would say, "I don't trust this dude you think is from this Age and Saldea(?), we better go kill Demandred!" I was convinced they were the same person, as did most people, until Taim and Demandred were given different scenes giving the same order to the Darkfriend Asha'man in book 9, which confirmed they were different people because Demandred would never lower himself to repeating an order. It was just done when he gave it.

My point of bringing this up, is that RJ looked like he was setting something up, only to change his mind. It's a "What was the point of the comparing the two if there's no big reveal they were the same in disguise" type of deal to me. It's not as big of an inconsistency, RJ still did a good job making him a separate character despite his original intentions, but it goes to show you that the books themselves have some things that started and were eventually dropped.

[thewertsearch]

Asks Compilation 23/10

Done and done. I'm surprised I didn't already have a tag for them, to be honest!

Oh, fun! I always wonder if people are reading for the first time along with me. I'm sure you've overtaken me already by now!

I don't think I'd have as much fun with the blog if it was less blind. Even the knowledge that the trolls existed was enough to heavily influence my theories.

Aren't they thirteen?

Granted, we don't know if trolls mature at the same rate as humans, but they certainly seem to be in that age range to me.

Nepeta, resident matchmaker, seems unsure about the current status of the Sollux/Aradia relationship, but she'd definitely drawn a heart there before. Plus, Aradia immediately identified the '8oyfriend' as Sollux, so there is something going on with them.

If it does, and he did, then that's pretty clever - but unfortunately for him, it's probably futile. There are surely a million other ways she could manipulate his desires.

I know Homestuck is controversial, but I always had the vague idea that, like Undertale, its reputation had a lot more to do with the fandom than the property itself.

I'm surprised there's that many people who say the comic is bad. The comic is great. Even if, worst-case-scenario, it jumps the shark on the very next page, there's still so much to love.

I guess this is a good explanation for why his name is so close to Lord British - thus, their similar invincibility schticks really are coincidental.

The former works well - although, I've just noticed on reread that he hasn't actually referred to himself as a doctor. He's just 'Doc'.

That said, I have reason to believe that he is, in fact, a real doctor.

Maybe he really is a gambling man.

Well, Terezi is referencing his comic before Earth even exists...

So it's like the SBaHJifier gag, but for the whole comic?

That sounds ambitious, but interesting, especially if it's doing everything you say it is. Any fanwork that people think was written by Hussie must be something special.

It's fun, getting both of these messages in the same week. Glad you're enjoying it!

Yeah, I didn't consider Equius as an option, back when Aradia was talking about this. I don't think I'd have picked him at the time, though.

Both Equius and Vriska convinced themselves that they had an arrangement with Aradia.

In retrospect, her own statement - which came after the two above - was, indeed, deliberately vague. It's supposed to make you wonder which of the two options she was talking about. As far as I can tell, there was no reason to assume it couldn't be Vriska - she'd even told Karkat that she was going to be the 'real leader', so we knew she was planning a power grab.

Anyway, I defaulted to her, since she'd talked about her co-leader arrangement only a couple of pages beforehand. I don't think I even remembered Equius was an option until he spoke to her later. Can't catch 'em all!

Pop! Team! Nepic!

Thank you! Yeah, Vriska's attitude is completely understandable at this point. Would she really have survived if she wasn't cruel?

I was skeptical about that line initially - but Vriska honestly doesn't seem to be much of a liar, so I think part of her really did see Aradia as a friend.

I personally doubt Aradia ever felt anything positive towards Vriska - she's a blue-blood, after all, a hateful sn0b - but that doesn't stop them being friends. After all, the same could be said about Karkat, towards Gamzee. Trolls just seem to see friendships differently.

I try to avoid queueing stuff - gotta put the live in 'liveblog', after all!

There are occasional exceptions, though. For example, if I answer a lot of (non-compiled) asks at once, and don't want to fill up people's dashboards, I might queue them to space them out a little - but never more than an hour or so in advance.

Really, the answer to your question is 'neither', since I don't have a schedule. Lately, I've been posting about four days a week, and each liveblog session will last for two to four posts - but that's all subject to change, depending on my mood, my energy levels, random life stuff and, frankly, the phase of the moon. Properly scheduling this blog has proved impossible, so I'm just embracing it at this point.

If there's one thing that Aradia and Vriska can agree on, it's that an Equius-made arm is good for only one thing - rippin' out hearts!

Sorry - no breaks longer than a week? Since Act 1?

I suppose if your website pays your rent, you don't really need a day job - but still, I'm surprised that no life stuff got in the way in all that time. Hell, it's already happened to me - and this comic is surely way easier to analyze than it is to write!

Well, I'm only on 2300 now, so I haven't seen much!

I'm just curious as to why he's seeking out Karkat, specifically. Jack seems to work independently, not taking orders from his Queen - so what's motivating him, this early in the game?

No reason it can't be both, right? This is probably one of the most emotionally intense things to happen to her since her death, and it just so happens to coincide with her 'resurrection'. Frankly, I'd have been more surprised if she didn't lose her shit.

Also - damn, I didn't notice he was mirroring her '0k' catchphrase. No, Equius. No one was 0k with that.

Welcome! You can thank a few of my readers for helping me optimize my tagging system, too. I think it was @krixwell who first suggested I add a tag which included asks!

[kipperlillycopperkettle]

literally tell me more about die trying right now I'm so intrigued

i, as a lesbian with good taste, think it's time someone in the price family seduced a woman away from the covenant. and who else should do it but elsie? anyway this is my entirely unfinished elsie price/chloe cunningham fic, because i think their dynamic would be the kind of fun lesbian drama i like to write about. featuring elsie getting to play roller derby (ik why she doesn't in canon but wouldn't it be fun to let her play for a little bit?)

anyway i never got very far (probably bc i don't understand roller derby? and also bc at the time i wrote this i hadn't gotten anyone else into incryptid so i didn't have anyone else to talk about it with) but i still think it's fun. maybe after next year's incryptid reread i'll come back to it

there was something comforting in being the spare.

chloe cunningham had told herself that as a child, even though she'd known it wasn't true. and as was the way of lies, it somehow became a truth without her even realizing it. sure, her parents loved leonard more, but it also meant that leo carried the weight of all their expectations. leo was the one who they never expected to disappoint them, and if the spare did, well, they supposed it had just been a matter of time. 

they had their baby, too, in [nathaniel?], who could never disappoint them, no matter how much he fucked up, she thinks, bitterly. 

of course, knowing why her parents had always passed her over in favor of her brothers hadn't made it stop hurting, but there was a certain comfort in knowing why.

now that she was older, she viewed being the spare as a blessing with the same ferocity with which she had viewed it as a curse as a child. what being the spare meant was that she, unlike leo, did not spend all of her time under their parents' watchful eye, which left her free to do what she liked. up to and including things they might not have approved of, had they known.

in this case, that meant roller derby.

she'd been stationed in the upper northwest of the us for months, on what was meant to be an easy assignment, after her brother had gone and let timpani brown get kidnapped — no point in flying chloe back to england when they needed another operative in the pacific northwest after robert had died — and nothing had harnessed the endless energy and aggression inside her. she'd tried jogging, swimming, zumba, and nothing had filled it, not the way long hours working out at the gym back home did. sure, there were gyms here, but they tended to frown upon a young girl staying there for hours at a time, and there was no shortage of creeps who loved to stare at her, which, well. gross. 

so when she'd seen a flyer for something called roller derby, well, she'd figured if it didn't work out, it was just another thing to add to the long list of things that hadn’t worked and a waste of an afternoon.

it had turned out to work. honestly almost too bloody well for her to believe it was real. that it was something she was even allowed to do — which, well. technically it wasn't, but who was going to know? no one here knew her, after all. it was just little chloe caldwell — it was her mother’s maiden name, which made it easier to remember on false ids — all by her lonesome.

“what're you thinking about?” a voice jolted her from her thoughts, and chloe looked up to see a girl seated next to her, with hair the color of an electric blue highlighter. this was one of the other perks of roller derby — the girls were all hot, enthusiastic, and best of all, largely queer. chloe had known she was a lesbian for a while now, but she'd never been able to settle into the word until she'd joined the wilsonville rose petals as a blocker called thorn this way. now, it felt like more than a word the girls had whispered to her back home, snickering and acting as though it was something naughty. now, the word was beginning to feel like home. it helped, of course, that there were several out and proud lesbians on the team, something chloe had never had before. gay people in the covenant, well... they weren't quite exiled, but they weren't quite accepted, either. not when the covenant was so focused on ensuring there would be a next generation to carry on after all of them got killed by the things that go bump in the night. 

“nothing much, nors,” chloe said, a half-smile painted across her face. the girl seated next to her was morbud curiosity, also known as nora rogers, one of their pivots. 

nora frowns at her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “didn’t look like nothing,” she said mildly, and chloe sighed. 

“just... my parents. life. you know how it is.” how my parents expect me to come home and settle down and marry a man and produce little covenant babies, and i don't even like men like that. not that they know about that part. or would care, if they did.

the covenant was tolerant of lesbians and gay men and extramarital affairs, just as long as they were perfectly willing to produce heirs and marry who they were told, which meant that that tolerance really extended to what they could pretend they didn't see.

“do you want to talk about it?” nora asked, nudging her shoulder with her own. 

“not until i've beaten you in a race around the track,” chloe says, her mouth twisted into a half-smile.

[bleachbleachbleach]

10/9 - 10/22/2023

✅ Renji chapter - DONE* ✅ Chapters 1-6 reread/revise - DONE

Highlights

Some of this actually reads very well--at the sentential level, sometimes even the chapter level. I was pleasantly surprised by Rukia's, Hinamori's, and Akon's chapters.

There are portions of this fic that are kind of histrionic about use of tense (looking at you, Hinamori. Girl.), but on read-through now I think it works and I kind of like it.

Reading back it was fun to see what kinds of personal hangups were informing everyone's interactions and who was projecting what on whom. The order in which information appears (or is revised) based on whose POV chapter it was was cool, too!

I know there are critiques of the impact of film on writing, and I am sometimes self-conscious about how thoroughly my writing has been informed by writing for one singular TV fandom. That being said, having spent almost 15 years in a TV fandom, I always feel very validated when I can fix something by thinking about it in terms of TV constraints--like, oh, we can't do that scene because we don't have the time/budget to prep that scene again or put those actors on the call sheet. I may not be subject to those constraints but sometimes I'm like, "OH that makes this easier and less insane. Problem solved!"

Lowlights

Oh god, the Renji chapter is R O U G H. ngl feeling pretty betrayed, Abarai. So is the end of Matsumoto's chapter, which I knew going in, and which I then tried to revise last night, during which time I was apparently not mentally right, and now it s VERY weird and much worse!!

Aside from that, I'm... not convinced this story works, at the macro level. I don't know if there is a way to make it work better, outside of simply writing a different story. I don't feel like taking it down to studs is the move, and I think I should probably just keep going with it as-is and suffer the potential consequence of being disappointed. And then write a different story. SUCKS THO BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS ONE FOR YEARS.

Maybe this is a mid-light, rather than a lowlight: I feel willing to be convinced, or at least willing to take a chance on, the idea that part of my "eh I don't know if that works" is just me assuming this story is meant to be something that it is not, in fact, meant to be. Correspondingly, I think some of the things where I'm like "that's Not Right, that's not how that's supposed to work" may just be my writing style. For better? For worse? Jury's out, but it might just be me. It might be the work, and not what needs to be fixed.

Chapter 7 Rukia will close out Part 1. There's effectively two scenes left to do--maybe three if I decide to be weird about it--one of which I think about all the time and one of which is all vibes and "lmao fuck if I know" right now, so we'll see how those go.

One thing I'm feeling preemptively daunted by is how much less I already have written of Part 2 versus Part 3, but seeing as I'm probably not going to be done with Rukia 7 by next update anyway, what does it matter! It doesn't! Not yet!

ETA: Actually, one more thing. In my working document I've inserted anchors so I can flip between scenes more easily. These are NOT official scene breaks nor will these scene titles feature in the final product, but they feel like amusingly bad DVD chapter titles (remember DVDs? Chapter menus? DVD makers for some reason feeling that these chapters needed to be titled?):

[harrowharks-iliac-crest]

It's becoming very clear now that Harrow's memories were altered between the Epilogue of Gideon the Ninth, and the (chronologically) first part of Harrow the Ninth.

In the epilogue, Harrow was physically healthy, full of grief, remembering Gideon, but not feeling her soul inside of her.

In Harrow the Ninth, she is physically very ill, barely even able to stand without throwing up. She's full of grief - manifesting in unplaceable emotions that she doesn't understand - she doesn't remember Gideon, she can't feel the soul of her cavalier inside of her.

I have a few theories on who could have altered Harrow's memories, and why.

In order of least likely to most likely;

Harrow herself did this, somehow. I don't see this as particularly likely, because it isn't part of Harrow's skillset.

She could have asked Ianthe to do this - Ianthe is more of a flesh magician than Harrow, and could possibly have done this; I still don't think she's that powerful.

The Emperor could have done this. He's very fucking powerful, and I feel like we've only had a very vague glimpse of what he's capable of. I don't know if he would, though.

One of the other surviving Lyctors could have done it - Ortus, or Augustine; I don't think this is terribly likely since they would have had to sneak into the Emperor's ship, unnoticed.

Mercymorn is still my primary suspect. She definitely has the powers to do it. She could have some motive, which we don't know about yet.

As for why,

Grief. This is the most likely, I think, if the change came from Harrow or someone (Ianthe probably - maybe the Emperor) acting on Harrow's request. Harrow was in so much pain in the Epilogue, and she couldn't feel Gideon's presence. She thought it would be better to forget about Gideon entirely, rather than live with the grief of having consumed someone she loved so much - “How dare you ask me to live with it?”

Gideon Nav was special, somehow, and knowing about her is dangerous. Her being different from conventional cavaliers might explain why her soul didn't pass into Harrow without problems. It's not too unlikely, given Gideon's mysterious origins and immunity to poison. This theory means Harrow's memories were likely changed for her protection, by someone else, without Harrow being supposed to know about it. But Harrow found out somehow, and conspired with Ianthe to give her the letters. Or perhaps the situation was explained to Harrow beforehand, and Harrow decided to write herself letters because she knew the process wouldn't be perfect, and at some point the whole memory construct would collapse.

Hmm.

Actually, upon thinking about it some more, Ianthe is moving up higher on the list of suspects. There was clearly some kind of conspiracy between her and Harrow pre-memory alteration. The memories aren't perfect - surely someone like Mercymorn would make sure it was perfect.

There's also the hallucination-notes.

The eggs you gave to me all died and you lied to me, so I did the implantation myself - you self-serving zombie - and you still sent him after me and I would have had him if I hadn't been compromised and he took pity on me!

I still can barely begin to think what this could mean. It could be a message from the person who altered her memory. "the eggs" - could be seeds of memory to "implant" in her brain. if that's true, "self serving zombie" supports the theory that it was a grief-request - probably Ianthe, armless, "compromised", who would hate it if someone she was meant to defeat, "took pity on" her.

That's all I got for now.

Clearly, the plot is leading up to this battle with the resurrection beasts, but all I've been given regarding those is crumbs, so I'm definitely concerning myself with the (smaller, less dangerous, but more intriguing) mystery of Harrow's memories instead.

... I'm definitely rereading both Gideon and Harrow before I start on the next book.

[12romy]

Hi Hi

Love your fanfics!!! I’ve reread a change of habits at least thrice already😅 and I plan on reading it some more!!!

I was rewatching old f1 races and the one I just finished watching was Brazil 2016 and spotted young Charles leclerc during the second red flag (I think it was the second one ). It was the part where Lewis was standing by the Haas garage( again I think it was the haas garage) and Charles was looking at him 🥹 and I couldn’t help but wonder if you could perhaps write a one shot of Charles telling Lewis that this was the moment that he knew he had a crush on Lewis or something of that sorts🙈

Omgggg hiiii! First of all thank you so, so much! I'm so happy to hear that you like my fics this much ❤️❤️❤️

Second of all? Your idea is SO CUTE!!!!! I ended up watching the race to see that moment, and you are so right!! He fell in love right this instant, he was trying to hard to look everywhere but at Lewis when Lewis got closer XD

So, here we gooooo!

Charles loved quiet evenings with Lewis. Sure, fancy dates were wonderful, but nothing beat a homemade meal and a few glasses of wine shared afterwardon the couch, or in front of the fire. The weather had gone cold again, which gave them the excuse to light up the chimney.

He loved those evenings because it was only the two of them, and they didn't owe anyone anything. Plus, their wine discussions were always fun, and most of the time, they ended up in sweet heart-to-hearts. And more often than not, even swetest love making, after.

They only had a few days to themselves after Jeddah, and they wanted to make the most of it.

So, it was an evening like any other - the two of them sharing a bottle of wine in the living room - and that made it special. They had been quiet for a little while when Charles, after serving himself a second glass, broke the silence.

"Brazil 2016," he said slowly, reminiscing.

"What about it?" Lewis cocked his head, playing with his own glass still half-full.

"That's when I realised I had a crush on you. I remember looking at you during a red flag. You came out of the car, you passed right in front of me, and the next to me. I tried my hardest to pretend I wasn't looking at you, but man. You had a white suit back then, completely damp. What a view... I was dying to talk to you but I didn't want to bother you, so I didn't. Pretty sure there were cameras on us, too. You won, after, and I couldn't tear my eyes off the podium. I was still in GP3, back then."

"Yeah, I know," he said, a nostalgic smile on his lips.

"What do you mean, you know?" Charles snorted. "Aren't you supposed to have a terrible memory? How do you know what I was doing before F1?"

Lewis ducked his head, suddenly very interested in his glass. "I used to watch your races," he admitted, something shy and insecure in his voice.

"What?"

"You heard me, don't make me say it again," he pouted. "I was just- I don't know, it was a good distraction. 2016 was hell, and seeing younger drivers race and have the time of their life... It was nice. Watching you race, too."

"You were watching me race?" he parroted, baffled. He gulped down the rest of his wine just to digest the information and put his glass away. It was a pretty glass, it would be a shame if he dropped it.

"Yeah, I mean... Jules mentioned you, once," Lewis said softly. "He was talking about you with so much enthusiasm. And then, well. I saw you at the funeral for the first time, I think? And later, I checked your name on the internet and learnt you were racing in GP3. So I got curious."

Charles forgot to breathe for a second, at the mention of Jules. He didn't think his godfather had talked about him to anyone, especially not to Lewis fucking Hamilton.

"You were amazing," Lewis continued. "It was incredible to watch you race. I could tell you would join F1 sooner rather than later. So I kept watching. I don't know, to keep tabs on my future opponent?"

"Did you have a crush on me?" Charles gasped, hopeful.

"No," Lewis said a bit too quickly. "I mean, you were beautiful, but you were also over ten years younger than me and you looked pretty much unattainable. So, you know, there was no point. Didn't think you'd be interested in an old man like me."

"Not old," Charles rolled his eyes.

"But anyway. Yes, I remember Brazil 2016. I knew who you were, I saw you. What were you doing there anyway? There were no GP3 races in Brazil that year."

"And you're saying you have a terrible memory?" he laughed. "I'm not sure, I think I just wanted to watch the race. I like Brazil."

"I was happy when you won the championship. It didn't make it any better for me, with everything that happened, but... I don't know. I was a little happy."

"Did you keep on watching, after?" Charles asked after a second.

"Ah, no," Lewis shook his head. "I was just so focused on myself, and winning, after that... Not the healthiest, I have to admit. But then, you arrived in F1 in 2018. I remembered you, I couldn't help but notice you and I could tell you were looking at me."

"Oh, god, even back then?" Charles blushed, mortified.

"Hey, that's not something bad," Lewis chuckled. "I liked it, that you were watching me. I wouldn't have approached you the first time, otherwise. And after that, well, the rest is history."

"Good history," he nodded and cupped Lewis' cheek to kiss him.

"Very good," Lewis hummed against his lips, putting down his glass of wine to cradle Charles' waist. "Very, very good."

Charles laughed into the kiss.