#i don't care that they have a year age gap in the book | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hischeapcigar · 1 year ago

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the rock in our throats

Pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x fem reader

Summary: Joel and Y/N face the society reacting to their age-gap.

Word count: 7.2k

Warnings: MISUNDERSTANDING-TROPE, ANGSSSTTTTT, SMUT SMUT (these are definitely not in order or you’ll be spoiled) MDNI

a/n: im back with another Joel fic!!!! This is a whole rollercoaster so buckle up!!! Also know that Snow, Lace girls) and Lock (boy) are three of my OCs, I named them after inanimate objects just so they don’t offend anyone with the same name. <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated.

Feet with their mind of their own carried you downstairs with a speed of light. You had heard Joel’s truck pulled in the driveaway, causing you to abandon the book you were reading to keep your mind from racing about his arrival.

Just as your feet planted on the floor, your eyes fixed on the door as it slightly pushed open revealing the man you had hopelessly fell for two years ago. He hadn’t acknowledged you as he quietly shut the door. Turning around, the pair of warm brown eyes set on you, when he sees you standing there in your pajamas, adoringly staring at him, his face softens.

He dropped his bag, a sigh of relief escaping his lips and within a heartbeat you launched yourself at him. Arms flying around his neck as his hands gripped your waist, steadying you.

“Missed you so much” you mumbled in his neck. He tightened his grip on you at the admission.

Joel had been to San Antonio for a week to negotiate a contract with a customer.

“Me too, baby,” he whispered, bringing his right hand to stroke your hair

You pulled away as you realized he must be tired, but before you could ask anything, he pulled you into him,

“Shouldn’t have stayed up, ‘s late” he placed a kiss on your lips that you were quick to deepen. You sighed as he lightly bit your bottom lip.

“Mmm, couldn’t sleep without knowing you made home safe,” you smiled up at him, “you hungry?”

He shook his head no, loving the way you treated him like a child and cared for him.

“Not hungry, back pain ‘s all, wanna sleep”

You smiled drop as he gently tugged you towards the stairs. Your small hands in his much larger ones. He led you to the bedroom you shared for the past month,

Moving in with Joel after almost two years of hidden relationship was a way to make it official to everyone that you both were together. Though whatever you had anticipated could happen, did happen; continual discussion of your age difference, about him being divorced, about you being naive, about him being a father.

Given that you both placed a high priority on your relationship, you hadn’t truly heard the gossip by your own ears. However, you had observed the glances that were directed towards you on two separate occasions when you and Joel were present at the mart.

His steps halted in front of Sarah's door, “she was good?” he asked over his shoulders.

You nodded your head, “Joel she’s not a kid, of course she was alright,”

He pulled you in the bedroom, as you continued, “Plus i think since i moved in, we’ve bonded even more”

Joel was quick to introduce you and Sarah once you both had confessed the love to each other. And Sarah was quick to welcome you in her life. It was perfect among you three. It was your perfect world. Except that you had to face the world outside your bubble, which was a little too far from perfect.

Joel turned around to peck your cheek, “so proud ‘f my girls”

My girls. You smiled

You were his. You belonged with him. With them. The fact still released butterflies in your stomach.

Joel took off his shirt and winced. Your facial expression displayed a distortion of worry which Joel was quick to observe, “back’s hurtin’ is all, don't worry,'' he smiled as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, pulling your forehead close to his lips to place a chaste kiss.

“We need to get some gel, Joel” you reminded him

This is how you found yourself standing in the mart, in front of the shelf with gels. You had dropped Sarah school before heading here. Joel was asleep when you both left. Sarah wanted to meet her dad but you suggested that she lets him get enough sleep and meet him when she returns from school, to which she happily agreed.

Skimming your eyes through the rack, you found the one you were looking for, Voltarol. You grabbed one and walked toward the counter. You picked a few snacks on the way there.

“y/n?” you heard a lady call your name

Turning around, you met none other than the most gossipy woman of the town, Nancy.

“Hi!” you put on your best fake smile to greet her

“Whatcha got there?” she asked, eyes already prying your arms. You could have taken a basket but snacks weren’t planned.

“Oh, just snacks” you shrugged, you kept your answer short, avoiding the long conversation

“And, what’s that? A gel?” she asked earning a groan from you,

“Yeah, Joel’s got a back pain so i figured-”

“Of course!” she exclaimed startling you

Looking at your furrowed brows, your confused stance she continued, “I mean,” she sang, “Joel’s old. Don’t you think you’re too young to settle for that old man and tend to his back pain?”

Your heart sank at her words, and more at the amount of venom that dripped from that single sentence alone.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too nosy in others’ decisions?” you spat as you moved to the side,

“Jeez, relax! You’re turning into an old grumpy woman. Maybe something about the company-”

You left before she could say more. The longer you stood, she would’ve fed you with her sick mindset.

Of course Joel was old. But that never lessened the love you had for him. You had been with guys around your age and all you ended up with was a broken heart and then came Joel, treating you like a real gentleman would.

You both took sufficient time to make a decision about living together. Your relationship being a secret never attracted comments but once the news spread through the town about you and Joel living together, every other mouth was murmuring about you both.

Staying in most of the time had its perks; you never found out about all the gossip. But it could only last so long.

You paid the cashier before hurrying to your car. Settling in, you took a few deep breaths.

She’s just being mean. I won't let her ruin my day. Her words don’t mean anything. Joel and I love each other, that's what matters the most.

As soon as you closed the door, entering the house, you were met with silence. Joel‘s still asleep.

Placing the snacks on the counter you climbed the stairs, a gel in your hand, and a planned massage for him in your head. You opened the door to see Joel lying on his stomach. With his moments you could tell he had woken up and then his voice sounded,

“Where’d ya go?” eyes closed, he muttered, his voice hoarse. You crossed bed to stand on his side,

“Dropped Sarah, and picked this” you grinned, showing him the gel

He squinted his eyes to read the label, “darlin’ you didn’t have to” he turned around to lay on his back.

“Of course, I had to!” you tapped his legs, urging him to sit up. He obliged without any protest and god did you love it when he was submissive to you, knowing the outside world would never see this soft Joel.

“Still hurtin’? You asked as you noticed a slightest distress in his face as he sat up

“A little” he grunted

You tugged at his shirt, “off” you demanded

“You don’t have to-” he looked up at you as he rubbed his eyes

“I know, Joel. I want to” you softly cut his sentence

He layed back on his stomach again as you straddled his legs. Just having him naked except for sleeping boxers, totally submitting to you, sent a tingle down your core. But you ignored it. Your only focus was to make Joel feel better.

You squirted some gel on your palm, setting the tube on the side,

“I’ve never done this before,” you warned him,

“Neither have I, honey,” his muffled voice giving rise to a small giggle leaving your lips

You carefully splayed your hands on his lower back as you spread the gel. the delicious combination of the hotness of his skin mixed with the coolness of the gel stirred something in your stomach,

Focus. Focus. Focus

You pressed your fingers in his muscles, feeling the knots. He moaned at the relief.

“Felt so good,” he muttered,

You continued massaging his back, digging your fingers wherever you felt the stress. Taking notes of and following what brought him pleasure, you moved your small hands through his back and shoulders. Occasionally scratching his back with your nails and pulling the sounds of pleasure from his throat.

All the sounds he made did not help, but only worsened the condition between your legs. You felt giddy, knowing you made him feel this good.

You only prayed that the wetness between your legs didn’t seep through your thin pajamas and on his skin. Because this was about him and him only. Completely oblivious of Joel's situation underneath you, that after a few digs and dips of your fingers he started getting hard and by this time he was rock hard.

“Baby” he breathed, “st-stop” he started to move, his cock taking control of his brain,

You were startled, immediately getting off of his legs, “did- did i do something wrong?” you asked innocently,

He laid on his back as he stared at the ceiling, his breaths heavy “no darlin’, you did a good job, ‘s jus’-” he huffed as he took your hand and placed it on his member

Your mouth hung open as you felt his cock through his boxers, your mouth salivating just at the imagination,

He looked at you, waiting for you to say something,

“Good thing I know how to take care of that too,” you smirked as you moved to hook your fingers on the waistband of his boxers as you slowly, teasingly, slid them down, closely watching his reaction change.

“That’s my gir- mmph”

As soon as his cock sprang free from its confines your gaze immediately left Joel’s.

His angry reddened tip, decorated with beads of his precum stood hard. You wasted no second in stradling his laps. Your petite fingers wrapped around his member, thumbing on his tip; spreading his leak through the length. You pushed your hair to one shoulder as you bent forward, maintaining eye contact with Joel’s hooded eyes, you kissed the tip, earning a strangled moan.

You smirked, loving the effect you had on him. His eyes begged for more. You hollowed your mouth, taking his length in your mouth. Your fingers toying with his base. The taste of him was the first taste of your day. His hand made its way to your hair, guiding your mouth; in and out.

“Jus’ like that, baby” he praised

He grunted when you twirl your tongue around him, his cock twitching letting you know he’s close.

“Such a good girl, f’ me,” you watched his eyes closed as he bucked his hips in your mouth, losing himself in the pleasure.

You quickly removed your mouth, saliva spilling from the sides of your lips,

“Eyes on me,” you demanded and god did that turn him on

“Y-yes mami, please continue” he struggled to keep his eyes open, with your plush lips wrapped around his thick cock.

He guided his cock to your throat causing you to gag. He smirked, repeating the action until tears spilled from your eyes. He used his free hand, gently wiping the tears.

Perfect combination of rough and soft

You were soaking wet at this point, his dick in your mouth, hand fisted in your hair, and his sinful moans and grunts in your ears.

He guided your head away, as he manhandled you and in a split second your positions were switched. You gasped as your head hit the soft pillow while Joel towered over you, on his knees.

“That…was impressive” you breathed as Joel connected your lips in a feverish kiss.

“I’ve still got some strength y’know,” he mumbled as he pulled away slightly before he captured your lips again. It was nothing soft and slow but all teeth and tongue fighting for dominance.

You would've just giggled at his response but instead you felt a pang of hurt in your chest,

Joel’s old. Her voice rang in your ears as you blinked your eyes to focus in the moment

Joel grumbled tasting himself on you. Too lost in the kiss you missed when his hands slipped to your sides, pulling down your pajamas and panties in one swift motion.

You broke the kiss, “Joel” you took a deep breath, his eyes finding yours, waiting for your command, “fuck me wreckless”

His smirk grew at the command, “yes, m’lady”

His fingers found your cunt in an instant. You moaned at the contact of his calloused fingers with your aching center.

He circled your clit a few times before plunging his middle finger knuckles deep without a warning,

You screamed, “of fuck, Joel-”

“M gonna wreck you, darlin” he grunted as he drove his finger in and out while his thumb pressed on your pussy, making you squirm,

“Nngh feels so good” you moaned,

“So needy, huh?” his eyes glued to throbbing pussy and the juices it squirted,

He added another finger, building the pressure and maintaining the pace. You felt the knot in your stomach tightened.

“Close, mmh Joel, i'm close” you struggled to speak, your knuckles turning white as your gripped the sheets beneath you

You arched into his touch, your legs started to tremble as you felt the climax reach. He used his strong free arm across your stomach to keep you in place as he assaulted your cunt.

“Cum for me, darlin”

And you did, right then and there. You closed your eyes as you screamed his name like a prayer,

“Look at me” he ordered and you blinked away the tears that had formed in your eyes to obey him,

He held your gaze as he lowered his mouth and lapped the juices you had released. He devoured it as the first meal of the day,

“Taste so good,” he mumbled more to himself

He drank every drop until you finished. Your chest heaved as he climbed on top of you and connected your lips,

You both moaned in unison as you tasted yourself on his lips,

“Ready?” he asked as he guided his cock to your entrance

You nodded your head,

“Words” he spat

“Yes, yes Joel, I'm ready!” you whined,

And he slipped in, inch by inch until he was balls deep.

He had fucked you countless times but his size always surprised you and your pussy always hugged him like the first time.

“So fuckin- tight, this pussy,” he grunted as you adjusted to the size

“Move” you croaked and he obliged, setting a slow and steady pace,

“My pussy,” thrust “mine to ruin” thrust, harder, “mine to love,” thrust, harder and faster,

Your walls clenched around him at the words, at the possession,

He had picked up the pace, fucking into you relentlessly. It wasn’t usual he fucked you this hard but you asked for it, and you were glad.

“So thick” you breathed

He sat on his knees as he wrapped your legs around his waist, holding you there, pounding into you through a different angle, brushing your g-spot everytime.

“Right there, yes” you bit your bottom lip,

“Don’t hold back, darlin’ let me hear you” his pace was unbelievable, you felt nothing but him. The coil tightened in your stomach, it was embarrassing how quickly he was pulling another orgasm out of you, splitting you in half,

“Joel, can i cum–”

“Not yet darlin” he stuttered

The feeling was a lot, you tried your best to hold back. The feeling of his cockstretching your walls, his balls tingling your inner thigh in every thrust. Your thighs twitched, as he held them tightly around him,

“Joel, please-” you begged,

His thrusts started to become sloppier, his cock twitched inside you and he nodded,

“C’mon baby, milk my cock,” he urged

That made you trip from the edge and you came, harder. Your mouth forming incoherent words between his name

He never stopped his movement throughout your high, only when you were done did he spill his seeds, covering your insides with his release.

He let go of your legs as he collapsed over you, making sure to shift his weight to his elbows

He looked ethereal, post sex suited him so well. His skin glowing with sweat and morning light. His brown curls were a mess. He placed a lazy kiss on your forehead, then lips, “you ‘kay?” he whispered

You nodded, too blissed out to reply verbally. Too much in awe of his soft, sweet side.

He pulled his cock out and you both winced. He pecked your overstimulated cunt once causing you to shiver before he left for a cloth.

He cleaned both of you, murmuring praises on your skin as he wiped your legs.

“Wrecked ya, huh?” he said as he observed your fucked out state,

You hummed in response, “forgot you even had a back pain”

“What back pain?” he feigned confusion as he tossed away the cloth, causing you to giggle

You knew you couldn’t share your encounter with Nancy at the mart, you knew he was already silently insecure about the age gap.

Joel was quick to return to work after his trip to San Antonio. He headed to a bar with Tommy before returning home. The brothers conversed about a deal that Joel had made.

“Hey, there’s Frank, wanna come?” Tommy said, looking over Joel’s shoulder.

Joel turned his face to see Frank talking to a woman before bringing his attention back to his neat whiskey,

“No, ‘m a’right here” He grumbled, watching Tommy leave from his peripheral vision

He downed his half empty cup before he ordered another. He zoned out looking at his whiskey, his fingers tracing the rim of the glass.

A low grunt beside him caught his attention, turning his face and he was met with Arthur ordering his liquor.

Joel returned his gaze to his whiskey and taking a sip,

“Howdy, Joel? How was San Antonio?” Arthur asked

“Was fine, made a deal” Joel replied, already wanting an out from his company. His head is already cloudy from drinking.

“And how’s ya little thing doing?” Arthur leaned, instantly causing Joel to lean away. He wasn’t sure he heard it right

“What?” Joel barked,

“Ya know,” Arthur swung his wrist gripping the glass of whatever he ordered, he shrugged, “that sweet little y/n-”

“Watch your mouth” Joel growled

“All i’m saying is she’s too young, deserves someone who can actually take care ‘f her” if Arthur was any sober he would’ve shut up after Joel’s first warning, but he just mindlessly continued,

Joel’s bore a hole on the side of his head with his intense gaze, his grip tightening on the glass as he watched Arthur speak, “jus’ feel bad for her, stuck with you–”

Joel gathered Arthur’s collar in his hand,

POW!

Joel’s fist collided with Arthur’s jaw in a swift motion.

“- and when i told Chris about it, he was equally appalled and said, no offense” Lace lightly held your arm before quoting her boyfriend, “it’s a phase for you and that you’d get over Joel, either way its- ” you gaze shifted to Snow who stood beside Lace, offering you an apologetic smile,

Snow and Lace were your best friends since school. Snow never judged you for your relationship with Joel. Lace, on the other hand, did not always agree with your choices even if she did love you.

“Lace,” you began, cutting her rambles, “i’m happy, isn’t that enough?” you sighed, tears brimming at the corner of your eyes.

The three of you were at Millie’s, one of your mutual friends, birthday party. It was your first public appearance after moving in with Joel. you were too scared to join but Lace and Snow were adamant about you joining them.

Few of the girls asked you weird questions but thanks to your two friends who cornered you to avoid more conversations.

Lace was quick to notice your eyes, as she took your hand, “of course! but-”

“No ‘but’s, we’re done. I think I should head home, it’s pretty late,” Snow announced, your gaze darted to the clock, 11:45 stared back at you.

“Yeah, i’m leaving too-”

“y/n?” it was, Auburn, one of Millie’s friend who you met twice at parties, you knew she cheated on multiple boys just because she thought she was too good for them, “wh- are you guys leaving already?” Auburn looked around the three of you,

“Yeah, can’t stay out late, y’know” Snow carelessly answered as she fished something from her bag, leaving the kitchen

“And let me guess, y/n, you have to go home to your old man?” Auburn directed at you

“Well, at least I have someone to go home to,” you knew it was a cruel jab, but you didn’t care at the moment.

She gasped, clearly taken aback, “Wow, the old man-”

“It’s Joel” you interrupted, to which she only rolled her eyes before continuing,

“Yeah, poor Joel, i mean, having to deal with you every single day, God, i’d be damned”

Before you could reply, Lock showed up at the kitchen door, “hey, I was leaving, ya need a ride? Snow’s in the car” He was one of your close friends.

Lock got a nod from you before you pointed at Auburn, “Maybe you need to grow up,” you muttered, already heading out of the kitchen before you heard her voice, “don’t go falling in love, it’s all about good fuck-” you shut the door behind you,

You quickly got into Lock's car, not bothering to bid anyone goodbye. Your vision was glossy, you held back your tears through the small distance to your house,

It was around 12 when you stepped in the house, the television was on in the living room. You peeked to see sarah on the couch,

“Sarah, what are you doing up?” your voice was harsher than intended,

She jumped and you almost felt guilty for the way you scared her,

“You’ve got school tomorrow, go to bed. Now.” you scolded watching her turn off the tv as she muttered a small ‘sorry’ heading upstairs.

Joel still wasn’t home. And as an unspoken rule, you didn’t want to go to bed without him, like he doesn’t without you.

You removed your earrings, placing them on the table before you slumped on the couch,

The voices in your head growing,

Is this wrong?

Why can’t they keep their noses out of my relationship decisions?

Does Joel feel that I'm way too young for him?

Is he embarrassed too?

The longer Joel took to come home, the louder the voices became,

Does Sarah get questioned about me and Joel?

Does Sarah still like me?

Does Joel still-

You heard the door unlock and you brought yourself up. Joel stumbled in, you knew he had a few drinks. Quickly you got up to hug him and to have him silence the noises in your head,

Too disappointed about your night, you didn’t notice the bandage on his knuckles, or the sour expressions he wore, as you moved your body to hug him,

His figure stiffened against you. His hands coming up to your arm as you shuddered under his touch,

“What’s wrong?” he muttered as he stroked your hair, putting aside his pain to try and heal yours.

You shook your head, not wanting to feed his insecurity, “party was a bit exhausting” you lied

“C’mon baby,” as he moved you both toward the couch, “ya wanna talk about it?”

You straddled his lap burying your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent of whiskey and cigarettes

His hands traced your back softly and you whimpered, you loved Joel so much.

You picked your head up to face Joel. He looked tired. Nevertheless, one of his hands cupped your face and instinctively, you placed a kiss on the inside of his wrist before intertwining your fingers with his, and that's when you felt the skin of bandage under your fingertips,

“What happened?” it was your turn to be concerned

He stayed quiet for a beat, both of you looking in between you, your intertwined hands but feeling miles away emotionally,

“Just a random cut, nothing serious” and it was his turn to lie,

That was the turning point of your relationship.

“C’mon let's go to bed,” Joel suggested,

The next few weeks went by the same. Everywhere you went, they talked shit. Sometimes you defended but other times you were tired of talking back knowing they won’t stop either way.

You noticed how Lace kept pushing Lock to you. Always calling him over when you had plans with her and then leaving quickly so you and Lock can spend some time alone. He was a nice guy, but you only saw him as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. And Joel knew it too.

But oh when he kept getting “with Lock” as your response to his “where ya at”, did he start to feel otherwise. Almost everyday at work he was defending his relationship with you, and after knowing you’re with Lock most of the time, he started believing the criticisms.

“Things alright between you two?” Tommy carefully asked Joel one day,

“Yeah, why?” Joel didn’t remove his gaze from the contract paper in his hand,

Tommy shrugged, “i don’t know, been seeing her with that Lock guy a lot these days so–”

“Look good together, don’t they?” another man chirped in, but as soon as he received a deathly glare from Joel he backed off immediately. But the words stuck with joel, look good together

That night when you clung to him, like you always do, he didn't reciprocate. The voices in his head were getting loud and you weren’t there to silence them.

“Where?” he snarled

It was just another rough night for the two of you. Joel had canceled plans with you because work buddies are insisting on game night , delaying it to the next week. Both of the times Lace and Snow had swung by. With Lace reciting her “you deserve better” mantra.

Earlier this week, Snow had asked you to go shopping for her vacation. And you couldn’t say no, given she had dropped her things just because you were depressed when Joel canceled the plans for the second time.

If he could, why couldn’t you?

“Shopping” you put another popcorn in your mouth as your eyes fixed on the movie.

You were upset. You were mad at him. And the whole week had passed without Joel noticing it. Maybe it was about time.

You felt his eyes on the back of your head. You wanted nothing more than to turn around and make up for the lost time. Clear all the distance that had somehow forged its way between two of you.

But you didn’t. You resisted. You wanted to check your and his limits

“Of course, and Lock is gonna be there” Joel scoffed, placing his hands on his hips where he stood at the back of the sofa you sat on.

That hit the button instead. You exhaled a shallow breath, not believing your ears,

“What is that supposed to mean?” you turned to face him, his typical annoyed stance in display for you; fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know very well,” his eyes met yours for a brief second, before he moved to exit

To say you were furious was an understatement. You abandoned your popcorns and movie as you scurried away to chase him,

He faced the cabinets before he heard your angry stomping in the kitchen.

“What the fuck, Joel?” you barked

He just stood there, leaning against the counter. His arms folded against his chest as he glared back at you,

Frustration bubbled inside of you. Taking a step closer, you let the anger get the best of you,

“You fucking canceled on me for sake of your buddies,” you were fuming, “you didn’t even notice me being upset” you voice rose with every sentence, “and now you’re accusing me?!”

“Lower your fucking voice!” he roared causing you to shudder,

“You’re unbelievable, Miller” you back stepped to the door of the kitchen before you left

As soon as you stepped out of kitchen you spotted Sarah sitting on the sofa hugging her legs,

“You guys are fighting again?” she mumbled

Your heart shattered at her state. You were quick to sit by her side, engulfing her in your arms,

“Oh no, honey,” you kissed her hair, “it’s just- you know- we don’t always agree on the things” you caressed her hair

She sniffled, facing you, “so- so you’re not leaving, right?” her wet eyes shining with hope and that was not helping to your breaking heart,

Your throat tightened so you stuck with shaking your head ‘no’ and a tight smile

Few minutes had passed and Sarah was already asleep on your shoulder. You calmly woke her so she doesn’t hurt her neck in that position. Tucking her in the bed, you closed her door and were met with Joel.

He stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He jerked his head in the direction of your shared bedroom, asking you to join him, and so you did.

Once the door closed, he turned to you, grasping your small hands in his,

“I’m sorry” he croaked, “for everything,”

You looked up at him and gave him a sincere smile as you nodded, “let’s go to sleep,”

None of you talked about your feelings. None of you shared about the insecurities that you both had regarding each other. None of you reached out for the other to cuddle.

“I’ll wait outside, you can grab whatever you need, yeah?” Joel said as he digged his wallet for his card

You only nodded as taking the card and hopping out of his truck, rushing into the mart.

Joel lit a cigarette as he watched you from the driving seat. He knew this was all wrong. It was a lose-lose situation. He couldn’t be with you openly, scared of more rude comments towards you (he could manage the ones thrown at him) but still everyone was aware of your relationship and hence, bringing up the topic out of nowhere.

You, on the other hand, were embarrassed, feeling Joel didn’t want to be seen with you. You both had moved past the point of discussing your feelings and knee-deep in the mess

Once you returned, Joel tried to reach for your hand but you were quick to pull away. It was like a reflex and you almost regretted it. Almost.

He cleared his throat in an awkward way, “uh- you’re still up for Bill and Frank’s party tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I’ll go there with,” you swallowed, too hard to push the words out of your mouth, “with Lace,”

Joel took a double look at you, “uh, any specific reason?” he asked trying his best to stay calm,

“Yeah, she wanted me there to help her with outfits and make up so i might as well leave with her,” you shrugged, nervously tugging on your nails.

“Okay,” he said lowly, almost as a whisper,

“Don’t make dinner tonight” Joel said a few hours after you both had got home,

“Why? Are you with your boys tonight?” No matter how much you tried to keep the anger at bay, somehow it slipped,

Joel sighed, as he walked to you, his eyes trained on you. But your gaze couldn't meet his. As if you were hiding something, like you were not honest, except that you were. You were just fed up with your fights with Joel. Fed up with not sharing thoughts like you used to.

“No, I'll get take-out on my way back,” he said. Your brows furrowed, “We’ll just relax and maybe watch a movie, your choice. How does that sound?” he explained his plans for the night,

You nodded, “okay, sounds good, but can we maybe dine out? There’s this pretty place-”

“Baby, I really want just the two of us, we can go next time, ‘kay?” he pressed his lips on your forehead,

You gave him a tight smile, “sure”

All you wanted was for him to love you openly. All he wanted was to keep you from any and every hurt even if it meant he had to avoid being seen together. If only you both spoke your feelings.

“Honestly, I think he’s not opening up to you because you won’t get it since you’re young, y’know?” Lace said as she fixed her dress, “Do you really think you’re the best match for him? Woman his age are dying to marry him,”

You tried to stop another flood of tears threatening to fall from your eyes. Your eyes were already swollen from the crying you had today at Lace’s because you were watching your relationship with Joel fall apart. It was all perfect when the world didn’t know. The bubble had bursted.

“You’re right,” you sighed,

Joel didn’t really prepare for his appearance as much as he did for the looks thrown his way when he moved with you. You and him didn’t know how to handle the criticisms and that had your relationship at stake.

He arrived at bill and frank’s and eagerly started to look for you. But you were nowhere to be found. He had texted you but there was no response from you. Were you even coming?

He met with his friends and like a habit, everyone asked about you.

He stepped on the front porch, desperately escaping from endless questions and trying to muster up excuses of your absence. Two shots in, he felt his brother hand on his shoulder, “heartbreak?” Tommy asked as he sipped his whiskey,

Joel only grunted in response, not really paying attention to his question, “so when did it happen?”

That had his attention, “what?”

“The breakup and that” Joel followed Tommy’s gaze.

You had just gotten out of the car and stumbled your way inside. Lock’ hand pressed to your lower back as he guided you inside the house. Lace quickly trailing behind you both, struggling with her own dress.

Joel’s lips parted in shock. How could you do this? What was happening? The liquor had started to dizzy his mind.

The look on Joel’s face was enough to let Tommy know that he was oblivious to the situation just like him.

“There’s someone I'd like you to meet,” Tommy said carefully, and convincingly.

Joel eyes took a few seconds before moving from the door from where you had just entered the house,

He just nodded in response, before he chugged the entire bottle in one go.

He was mad. He was disappointed. He was angry. But most importantly, he was hurt. But one thing about him, he was a hard person to go and confront. Why would he do that when he can do things he won’t remember the next morning?

The last sober thought was you. Then the rest was alcohol in his veins controlling his mind.

—-----

You left Lace’s apartment as you hurried to Lock' car.

“Hi, Lace is coming, told me to go,” you said as you greeted him,

Lace took solid 10 minutes before she appeared on the entrance door of the building. Those 10 minutes you listened to Lock talking about some girl he’s madly in love with and will ask her out tomorrow. She was a friend of your friend, she was nice. You were genuinely happy for him.

You were on your way when you checked your phone. You didn’t realize you had missed a text from Joel. You swiped to reply to him, telling him you were on your way. But Lace snatched the phone from you,

“Enough using phone for tonight,” she grinned

You instinctively chased her hand and turned to the backseat. Unknown to you, your dress had stuck in the door.

Rip.

You heard and felt your fabric tearing from your back. With your shocked expression, Lace was concerned,

“I think I ripped my dress from the back,” you said slowly, reaching your hand on your back and you felt your skin. “Oh my god, I just ripped my dress!” you cried,

“Is it something a needle and thread can fix?” Lock asked as he tried to calm the chaos you both had created,

Lace inspected the ripped part, “i think so, i can do it but where do we get the needle and thread?”

“Frank has it,” Lock informed,

Your face was contorted in worry, your phone long forgotten,

“Okay, Lock you cover her way up to the restroom, I’ll go get the things I need from Frank,” Lace ordered as you all got off the vehicle.

And so you all rushed in. Your mind was directed to; will Lace be able to fix my dress?

You didn’t greet anyone as you bolted toward the restroom. Lock stayed outside as you rushed inside. Lace quickly returned and fixed your dress.

“And all done!” she said excitedly

You turned your neck to the mirror to see that indeed she had done a good job.

Leaving the bathroom, you parted ways with Lace and Lock as you went out looking for Joel.

“Hey! Have you seen Joel?” you asked Bill,

“Why yes, he’s finally got some sense back,” he tilted his glass in Joel’s direction,

There stood Joel, no, there swayed Joel in the arms of a stranger. Joel’s arms linked loosely around her as her’s around his neck, pulling him closer,

“perfect match,” Bill added,

Your lips parted to say something but no words came out, “wh-” you began but were immediately cut by Bill as he clicked his tongue and shook his head,

“Don’t go ruining a good thing now, kid,”

You couldn't avert your gaze from the scene in front of you until it was blurred by your tears.

“Excuse me” your voice shook, as you turned away, tears spilling as you ran to the restroom again.

How bad you wished you didn’t leave the restroom, or that you left a little later until he detached himself from her.

Did he really fall out of love? Did he really let them dictate him? You wanted to go and confront but-

You broke down. Bad.

You didn’t mind your makeup, that you put on with precision, smudging. Your knees hit the bathroom floor as you cried your eyes out.

The ringing of the phone caused you to take a break. Taking out the phone more tears fell from your eyes as Joel’s name displayed on your screen.

The ringing ceased and a text followed a few minutes later,

Joel: Where are you?

You scoffed at his text. You wanted to go to him and scream at him. But you didn't want to give in to all the people who told you this was never gonna work. Sure your relationship had gone down the hill since last month. But was ending the relationship really better than running in a circle every other day? Loving Joel only in the boundaries of your house?

You wanted to go home, Joel’s house, and move out. This wasn’t going to work. You had decided. The thought of officially ending the relationship pulled new strings of tears from your eyes as you texted Lace about going home before you stuffed the phone in your purse.

Just like you had entered, keeping your gaze lowered, you left the exact same way. You heard the unmistaken sound of a voice calling your name but you couldn’t stop and turn. No, you kept moving.

You exited the main gate and walked on the side of the street. You were walking quickly, wanting to go away from him as fast as possible. You heard the familiar voice called you again,

“What is it, Joel?” you seethed as you turned around.

You looked horrible, you knew it but you couldn’t care less right now.

Joel eyes widened at your appearance,

“Jus’ wanted to ask, how long have you been with Lock?” he whispered as if even he was ashamed of asking the question. He looked down, prepared for any answer that you had to offer

Your heart dropped at his question, “what?” oh how bad you hoped you heard it wrong,

“Ya heard it,” he muttered, “i saw you both, ‘s okay, i understa-”

Before he could complete his sentence, you had walked up to him, staring deep in his eyes, “are you fucking kidding me right now?” your voice was low but hid a menace beneath it,

Joel stayed quiet, he looked at you but his eyes were empty.

“Are you serious, Joel?” your voice shook, all of your power was used up at keeping your tears from falling,

“How about you tell me about you dancing in someone else’s arms?” your voice rose and you pushed him back, “was that what you've been doing in my absence?!” you hit his chest, “tell me!” your voice wavered and once again the dam broke, “tell me Joel!”

The sides of your fist kept colliding with Joel’s hard chest as you let everything out, “tell me why were you so embarrassed of me? Of us?” joel stayed silent as he received your weak punches and watched the tears stain your face

“Tell me where did we go wrong?” you energy had drained before you slowly uttered the last question

“When did you stop loving me?” that was his last straw, as he held your wrist just as you were pulling away,

“Don’t” he said firmly, “anything but that”

“We’ve fallen apart,” you croaked, “Gonna take a miracle to save us this time-”

“I still love you,” he promised

You shook your head as your released your hands from his grip,

“Then tell me why didn’t I feel loved?” you whispered

Joel once again fell silent, “I-” he shook his head, wanting to wake up from the worst nightmare,

His throat tightened, he wanted to tell you that he wanted to protect you. But your outburst told him the only way you would’ve felt protected was if he held your hand in front of everyone.

He began, not knowing what to say but his mind screamed one thing,

Don't say goodbye, don't say goodbye

You wiped the tears from your face as you took a deep breath,

“Goodbye, Joel”

You turned and walked away as Joel stood still. The wind blew cold against his skin.

Did he throw away the best part of his life?

It’s alright, Just two hearts breakin’ even tonight

You’d go and get on with your life, he’ll get on with his’, broken hearts can’t call the cops, it’s a perfect crime.

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simpxxstan · 5 months ago

Text

best friend's older brother vernon

this is part of my 550 followers celebration event! find the rest of the members' headcanons in the event too as i post them through this month!

warnings: mention of cheating (not vernon or reader)

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who is two years older to you, but doesn't feel older at all

he may have lived in the world for two years more than you or your best friend, but you don't see where the years except the fact that he's taller than you

it's clear that vernon needs someone to take care of him. someone to show him which stop to get off at on the subway. someone who feeds him snacks when he's skipped lunch because he was too busy riding his bicycle. someone to push his hair back and make him wear a beanie when he's long due for a haircut. someone to remind him to take a certain book to class because he's bound to forget.

and mindlessly, unconsciously, you've taken up that role. of course, his sister and his family members are there, but you get involved too. partly because you spend so much time with his sister, but also because you like doing this. somehow, seven-year-old you felt very grown up taking care of a boy, so you go with the flow, and even after eleven years, the habits have stuck.

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who introduces you to his relatives as his 'girlfriend'

ten year old vernon learnt the day before that a girlfriend is a female friend you want to marry. hence, he finds no problem in introducing you to everyone as his girlfriend. consequently, he absolutely does not understand why you smack him on the back and go all red and pouty, and everyone in the room begins laughing at him. he didn't say anything wrong, did he?

"why do you want to marry her, vernon-ah?" his mother asks him later. "because she's the nicest girl i've ever met. and she knows everything about me, and i know everything about her." his mother laughs, "that is quite true. well, you can't go about calling anyone your girlfriend, okay? it's only something you can do later, when you're older, and the girl also agrees to being your girlfriend." "why can't i do it now if y/n agrees to it?" "because that's how it is, nonie."

vernon doesn't understand why it is like that, but he lets that occasion. it doesn't mean that the joke doesn't persist. and even at the age of twenty, when you meet his relatives at his birthday party, they all call you his girlfriend.

of course, vernon understands what it really means now, and he also realises his mistake back then. even you don't mind the joke anymore, and just go with it. but it's wrong- he should correct everyone and put an end to it. and yet, he doesn't. does he, maybe, like people referring to you as his girlfriend?

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who grows up to be a fine specimen of the male sex

and you, along with everyone else in the neighbourhood, are awed by his curly hair and chiselled features. he doesn't let everyone get close to him, owing to his shy nature, but you're fortunate enough to still remain in his closest circle, even after he graduates from school and joins a music production course in college. the age gap between the two of you feels lesser and lesser as you both grow up.

when you join the same college as him, he becomes your guardian angel in college. from giving you tours in the college to getting you involved with societies and the joys of dorm life, the two of you are again always together. except, his sister enrolled in a different university so unfortunately, you have to bear a long-distance friendship now. it is a comfort, still, that vernon is right here.

the roles are slightly reversed now. although vernon's still lost in daily life- losing track of time and place often and hoping for your guidance- he takes a more proactive role in supporting you in other, important matters.

like how he drives you to the interview of your first internship. you leave the office crying, and he pulls you into a hug. two weeks later, when you receive an acceptance offer letter, he hugs you close again. "i had said so," he tells you when he buys you ice cream as a treat.

like how he ensures you get in touch with the top seniors from your major so that you can prepare your notes well. "how do you even know him?" you ask him after he introduces you to one such senior. "oh, i see him around." "is he your friend?" "no, but he's not not my friend either."

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who also sees you fall in love for the first time in college

it's with a senior he introduced you to, youngjae, and he regrets the decision completely. he had introduced you to him because of his academic merit, but beyond that, he knew youngjae was up to no good. a playboy through and through- he would break your heart the second the chase dies out.

he ends up spending lesser and lesser time with you these days because of how you go everywhere with your new crush now. "has he asked you out yet?" vernon raises a brow at you when the two of you meet again in front of the dorms. "not yet," the blush is clear on your cheeks, as your eyes lit up. "but i'm sure youngjae will, soon! we've been texting a lot, nonie. i must thank you for introducing him to me, of course." you giggle, but vernon's face doesn't reflect your happiness. he's still confused about how to feel about this entire affair.

rationally, he should not be confused. this is protectiveness he feels. he felt the same way towards his sister when she started dating her current partner. it's worse in this case because he knows your heart will be broken. so it's just his instinct that's making him more protective.

but it's not just protectiveness, he knows. he knows it when you're going to parties with youngjae on your arm. he knows it when you laugh too loudly at any of youngjae's stupid jokes. he knows it when people start referring to you as youngjae's girlfriend.

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who is the person you run to when you find out that youngjae has been sleeping with someone else all this time

vernon doesn't ask or say anything. he simply sighs when he sees the tears streaming down your face, and pulls you into a bone-crushing hug against his chest. and he lets you cry into his sweater, all snot and wetness.

but it's the best thing he could do for you, and you wouldn't trade this for anything else. you know he understands in the silence, and you don't leave his side all night, as he plays soft jazz on his phone and you both sit on the bed in his dorm room in silence. his roommate also surprisingly doesn't question it, the two of you sharing earphones and sitting on the bed without saying anything, all night.

the next morning, you finally come to terms with your grief, having overcome the shock, and tell vernon everything. thankfully, he doesn't say, i knew it. he only says, "he never deserved you anyway. such a fool."

when you go to the cafeteria for lunch, as both your and vernon's classes start after lunch that day, vernon's hand is around your shoulders. every person in the cafeteria turns to look at the two of you, even youngjae. he steps up to you to talk to you, but you don't even look at him and walk straight past him. the two of you finally reach a table where your friends are sitting, who you'd texted earlier about the situation. they all sympathise with you, consoling you and genuinely making you feel better. but the best medicine is the weight of vernon's warm hand on your back throughout lunch time.

soon the entire college gets to know about the situation. it's comforting to know that no one's standing up in defense of youngjae and everyone's isolating him for his shameless actions. when vernon walks you to your classroom after lunch, youngjae confronts you again, forcefully making you stop in your way. when he sees that his pleas and apologies aren't melting you in any way, his eyes flare up with rage, and he looks to vernon instead.

"and what the hell are you doing? why are you walking around with her like that?"

"because she's my girlfriend, that's why."

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who takes everyone by shock by his declaration

of course, this new addition to the ongoing situation spreads like wildfire through all students also. and it has the same effect it has on them as it does on you. vernon almost laughs at the way your cheeks flare up and your lips purse into a pout. it's hauntingly similar to the incident eleven years ago, except vernon knows he's not saying it without understanding this time.

"what was that for?" you ask him later. "i had to do it. you know he would beg you to come back if i'd moved away." "well, i would be strong and resist him." vernon's glare makes your words falter. "are you sure?" "vern-" "okay just play along with it for a few days. will help you forget him faster."

you spend that night thinking about the events of the day, and you finally realise that the burning sensation in your chest is not sadness. that seems to have run out totally after your crying session with vernon last night. then what is this feeling?

you don't get time to yourself the next few days- when everyone's bombarding you with where when and how you and vernon got together. "it- it just happened," is what you say. and vernon doesn't clarify it either- so it just goes along.

and everyone actually accepts it immediately. no one gives it a second thought, no one needs a longer explanation. "oh we kinda saw it coming," one of your friends say. well, you certainly did NOT see it coming.

apparently, him playing along with it means he has his hands constantly on you, either looped through your arm, or a touch at the small of your back, or his fingers weaving through your hair. it also means him spending every moment outside class with you. soon, he becomes a permanent feature in your friend group, and your and his friends merge to become a big group sitting together at lunch, and creating an endless cacophony.

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who tells you that you can end this play-acting after a few weeks and the initial gossip has died down

but every weekend, his heart thumps in his chest as he anticipates when you'll tell him that you want to end the ruse now finally and you're sick of him. he knows he's putting on a very bold face in front of you, but inside? god, he's all nervous putty. he knows he's taking big risks- risks which are more likely to not pay off than actually succeed. but he can't not take the chance when it's right in front of him.

for these fifteen days, vernon lives his dream into reality. before this, he had no idea it would make him so happy to be your boyfriend. even if it's a fake relationship. is this what he's been yearning for all these months when he's seen you going around with another man? is this why he detests youngjae even more than he deserves for his faults?

he doesn't want to think too much about why he's so enthusiastic about doing this. he doesn't want to understand why his heart is fluttering all the time and he's losing focus on everything- even things he's usually very concentrated in, like music or films. he doesn't want to think of why his heart is thumping in his chest whenever the weekend comes around.

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who invites you over for movie night to his dorm on sunday

"you'll break up with him now." you tell yourself, looking into the mirror, even as your body moves with a mind of its own. you're wearing a silk dress that's completely not appropriate for a friendly movie night. you're even tying up your hair in a ponytail because vernon once said that hairstyle looks good on you.

"you will draw it to an end for your own good." that's what you tell yourself, but what is your own good? kinda blurry at the moment, because a big part of you doesn't want to let go of vernon. you know that ending things today will have an impact on your closeness- but you can't figure out why it is that you're so worried about letting go of vernon. is it because you don't want to lose a friend, or is it because you've found your ideal man in him?

because one thing you can't lie to even yourself is how perfect vernon would be, hypothetically, as a boyfriend, especially to you. he knows everything about you- your coffee order so that he always knows what to bring from the cafeteria, your menstrual cycle so that he can remind you to buy pads when your week's due, your workout routine so that he knows exactly where to massage that night while the two of you chill.

he's everything youngjae could never dream of being. you're in fact glad youngjae did cheat on you. you've been so blind for stooping down so low when you have had a perfect man around you for all your life. and yet, you don't know if these feelings are just the butterflies from his attention through this make-believe relationship, or whether you've really lost your heart to him. and in fear that it's the second, in which case you're going to regret the steps you plan to take tonight, you make haste to vernon's dorm room to tell him to break up.

"you will tell him to end this right now." you tell yourself when you knock on his door. but when he opens the door wearing his old, ratted t-shirt that you've seen him wear since high school, his hair messy over his forehead, and his pink lips plump, you forget all about breaking up and instead just go in with him, taking his hand as he helps you sit down on his dorm bed and sets up the movie on his laptop. when he gets under the blanket, his body unimaginably close to yours, the exposed skin of your legs graze against his hands and you can see the way he gulps.

"you have to tell him now, y/n!" your brain screams to you, so you blurt out. "vernon, i have something to tell you." vernon moves his hand away from you and sits up. "me too. but you go first." he doesn't break eye contact, and you can see the way he's biting his lip and fidgeting with his hands. symptoms of nervousness, you recall from your psych class. why is he nervous? "no, you go first, nonie."

he raises his eyebrows for confirmation and you nod. then he gulps before answering, "i like you, y/n." "what?" "i know i- fuck, i swear i'm not a creep. i swear i didn't start this fake ruse with you because i like you. hell, i didn't even know then that i liked you." "then, when?" " i realised it last night. but i think it wasn't even like a epiphany per se. just a realisation.... and a way to label some feelings that have been occupying my heart recently."

dear god, help me. you cry out silently for help, because fuck, he looks so earnest right now. so soft, so genuine, his words stunted with how fast he's speaking and his eyes a little dazzled in that on-brand look only vernon can pull off as cute. "nonie, are you serious?" he nods his head fervently. "i am. and i know this may be overwhelming, so you don't have to respond to me right now. but if you do want to reject me, you can tell me right away, i won't be-"

thinking about best friend's older brother!vernon who didn't see this coming in any of his mind's versions of how his confession would go

but it's certainly the best version when he feels your lips press against his. you pull away almost instantly, and he asks, "y/n?" you don't reply immediately, your eyes cast downwards to your hands. "y/n-ah? did you mean that?" after a long pause, he finally hears you squeak back, "yes, nonie. i- i wanted to try it and see what it felt like."

oh. so it was an experiment. well, that's manageable- although vernon doesn't think he'll ever forget the way your lips feel. "y/n-ah if you want to leave, you can. you don't have to-" but you don't let him continue. you kiss him again, pressing your wet, warm, soft lips against his own, and his hands find their way towards you. one of his hands settle on your cheek, and the other on your waist, and he pulls you nearly on top of him as he kisses you back hungrily.

they're all chaste kisses, until you open your mouth slightly and he takes the opportunity to let his tongue roam inside your mouth. but he underestimates you, you quickly suck on his tongue, making him moan out as he pulls back, breathless. "y/n, you've gotta tell me what this means. i can't keep kissing you without any clue of your feelings."

"do you need me to say it aloud, nonie?" "yes? please!" you pout slightly, as if offended by his demand. but then you whisper, "i like you too, nonie. i just wanted to see if my suspicions are real or just a figment of my imagination because you're so perfect." "perfect? har-" "no, you are. and that's not a recent discovery of mine. i've known it forever. you are too perfect to be real, vernon."

and that does it for vernon. the floodgates of his heart burst open, and all the feelings he'd been suppressing for so long flood into his system. it makes him warm and tingly all over, and he leans it to cup your cheeks. "you're the one who's perfect for me y/n-ah. i wasn't wrong all those years ago, you know. you are the woman i've always wanted to marry." you giggle shyly and hide your face in his chest, and vernon knows he's found his soulmate in you.

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joelscruff · 2 years ago

Text

for what it's worth (joel miller x reader) 18+

part 3 of the soft!dom joel collection has arrived! this one tackles some backstory; it's time to see how they met and how exactly their little "arrangement" came to be. i hope you guys like it, your feedback means the world to me. i also have a kofi if you'd like to give me a tip (but of course this is completely optional). previous parts: you know i don't mean it & don't think we could help it summary: your relationship with joel has always been complicated, but it's about to change drastically, for better or for worse. rating: 18+ explicit (mdni) warnings: fem!reader, smut, age gap (reader is mid 20s, joel is mid 50s), mutual masturbation, praise kink, dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics (joel is dominant but not degrading or aggressive), mentions of porn (specifically magazines) word count: 10k (it's a doozy) | ao3 spoilers: this contains vague spoilers for part two of the video game (and most likely for season two of the show). nothing too major but i figured i should warn for it anyway.

To say that your first day in Jackson is alienating would be an understatement.

You feel like everyone is staring at you (they are) and no one will let you out of their sight (they won't). You understand immediately that there's a lack of trust which will need to be formed as soon as possible, otherwise you'll never be able to create a home here.

"They're wary of you," Maria explains in your brand new living room - you still can't believe you just went from having barely any possessions to having your own house - and gives you a weak smile, "It'll pass, they just need to make sure you don't have any ulterior motives."

You get it, but it still hurts. Especially that night when you join your new community for dinner and find yourself sitting alone in the corner of the room, poking at your food and trying not to let your emotions betray you. You're determined not to show weakness, even though you've never felt more isolated. You can feel their eyes on you constantly, like they're waiting for you to pull out a rifle and start picking them off like a shooting gallery.

There's only one person who seems to be consistently minding his own business, a middle aged man who sits in the opposite corner of the room. He's hulking and broad, kind of intimidating, but there's a softness to his jaw and the grey scruff covering it that makes you see something else, something kind. He takes large bites and seems lost in his own thoughts, eyes fixed on the wall to his left but unfocused, like he's looking through it. He's by himself too, mirroring you, but you can tell by the way people move around him that he's been here for a long time. He must just enjoy his solitude.

"That's Joel," Maria tells you, sitting next to you and following your gaze, "He's my husband's brother, came down here a few years ago."

"He doesn't stare at me like everyone else does," you say, still looking over at him, "Does he just not care or...?"

To your surprise, she laughs, and everyone who's giving you dirty looks suddenly seems to soften. You're grateful for Maria then for bothering to talk to you, to try and trust you.

"Don't ask me to explain the things Joel does, I wouldn't be able to tell you," you notice that she has a full plate of food with her and that she's decided to sit next to you for dinner, an attempt to alleviate the mistrust for you in the room. You can't help but smile, thankful.

"He's a closed book," she continues, "Even Tommy finds him hard to read and he's his own brother."

She changes the subject then, wanting to know more about you and what you've been through, a not so subtle way of trying to get some information for the council. You humor her; you have nothing to lose.

Your eyes still stray to the man named Joel every so often as you speak, but you're not sure why. After about ten minutes he gets up to leave, and you watch him place his empty bowl in the dishwashing area and give the woman working there a small smile. She smiles back, says something to him. He laughs, and you can almost hear it over the bustle of the dining area. You watch as he says something else to her in parting, gives her one more smile, and turns and walks out the door. He doesn't look at you, not even once.

Over the next few weeks, things get better. Less people are looking at you and more people are actually trying to talk to you, get to know you. You have some nice conversations and answer questions about yourself - mostly appropriate, save for the one teenager who kept asking how you got the different scars along your bicep, the long one on your neck, the one on your cheek, stories you really didn't want to recount. After hounding you for a few minutes, her friend had pulled her away with an apology, "She likes scars," she'd said sheepishly, tugging the girl's arm, "Come on, Ellie, leave her alone."

You meet everybody, shake hands and even hug a few people. You start getting invited to things, asked to suggest films for movie night, help set up some games for the kids, Tommy even asks you one evening to help him herd a few sheep that had gotten loose. They trust you, and it feels good.

You still see that man, Joel, every night in the dining hall. But that's the only place you see him. You're not sure where he goes during the day or after dinner; he must just be a bit of a recluse, which you can't blame him for. The people here are nice but a lot are overbearing and a bit too friendly sometimes, plus it's hard to find time for yourself when everyone has tasks to complete and always likes to help each other out. You begin to wonder if he'll ever notice you, which leads you to wonder why it even matters to you that he does.

Your patrols start around the three month mark. Tommy takes you out with a small group beyond the borders of the community and shows you the ropes, points out where most of the patrol spots are with a pair of binoculars and goes over the routine. Your first assignment is simple: manning the watchtower with Maria. You spend most of the patrol getting to know her, hearing about her past and telling her more about yours. You like her a lot, she's easy to talk to and has a strong spirit akin to your own. The conversation gets pretty personal around the seventh hour, and you end up telling her how exactly you got the scar along your cheekbone. She listens deeply, thoughtfully, nodding along as you detail the more difficult things you've had to deal with in the past, the things that have made you stronger.

"You're tough," she says near the end of your shift, nudging your shoulder, "You don't really belong on watchtower, do you?"

You shrug, "I mean, if there's somewhere else I'd be more useful..."

"How'd you like to head out to the ski lodge with Joel next week?"

Your ears prick up at the name and you nod quickly, unsure exactly why, "Yeah, that'd be great!"

"He knows the area well," she adds, then grimaces, "I have to warn you though, he might not talk very much. He keeps to himself, I'm sure you've noticed."

You wonder why she's so quick to put you on patrol with someone who might not even speak to you, but it starts to make sense as you're walking back from the watchtower in the early hours of the morning. Tommy exits the dining hall and walks over to the both of you with a smile, pressing a tender kiss to Maria's cheek.

"How's my girl?" he asks flirtatiously, and she bats him away playfully.

"Was just telling the new recruit that she's gonna go on patrol with Joel next week," she replies, and Tommy stops in his tracks, raising an eyebrow.

"Her? With Joel?" he appraises you and bites his lip, "I don't know, honey, wouldn't she be better off with someone who'll actually talk to her? I thought she was on watchtower with you."

"Tommy, I never see you anymore," she gives him an exasperated look, "The weekends used to be for us and ever since the Kingstons left-"

"I know, I know," he looks at you again, twisting his mouth in thought, "I've been, uh, a lot busier than usual lately. We had this family here for a while, big family, they helped out with the patrols. But they decided to go south a few months back, so-"

"So Tommy's been filling in for every shift he can," Maria finishes for him with a sigh, "And I never see the damn idiot anymore."

You smile, "I'm totally fine with taking over for you, really."

Tommy raises an eyebrow, "Seriously? You sure?" Maria slaps his arm lightly and he gives her a look, but then shrugs, "I mean, okay, if you wanna give it a try. It won't be all the time or anything, maybe just every other weekend, but it would actually be a big help."

"It really would," Maria adds, "You have no idea."

"But... you gotta understand, my big brother, he's.... he's complicated," Tommy's expression is serious now as he looks at you, "He's not very talkative these days, not since..." he shakes his head and you don't push it any further, though you do wonder what's changed.

"So you'll do it?" Maria asks, eyes bright.

"Even if he doesn't talk to you?" Tommy adds with a grimace.

You nod, somehow believing it won't actually be that bad.

It is that bad.

The first time you're officially introduced to Joel he doesn't even bother to shake your hand, just nodding vaguely to you as you stand there like an idiot with your palm outstretched. Tommy makes a face at him and then looks back to you with a reassuring smile.

"There's not usually much trouble up at the ski lodge," he says kindly, ignoring Joel's ambivalence, "The trek back and forth is arguably the worst part. The lifts were already damaged beyond repair when we got here so it's a bit of a hike, 'bout an hour to get up there and the same back."

You begin to wonder if maybe this really isn't the best idea, eyeing Joel silently as Tommy explains what you should expect. You've seen this man smile, know he's capable of making some kind of small talk, but it's clear that you're not an ideal candidate as he stands there stiffly and lets Tommy do the talking. Tommy had told you earlier that if the patrol didn't go well he wouldn't make you do it again, and you're already thinking this might be your first and last shift with Joel.

Tommy walks with both of you to about the halfway point, still going over the routine as Joel trudges silently ahead of you. He hasn't said a word, not one word. It's honestly starting to piss you off.

"Well, I gotta head back," Tommy says, giving you another smile of reassurance, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, see how it went, see if we might make this more permanent." He seems doubtful but you can't blame him.

A few moments later it's just you and Joel, hiking in complete silence save for the sounds of nature. The cogs in your head frantically turn, trying to land on something you can say to make things less awkward.

"So, when's the last time you saw infected up here?" you settle on, hoping it'll be enough to start some kind of conversation.

"'Bout a month ago," he replies immediately, voice gruff but quiet, "Weren't too many."

He's got an accent like his brother but it's fainter, less obnoxious, like he's spent more time with non-southern people in the later years of his life. Tommy had said they'd grown up in Texas and lived there 'til he was in his late 20s and Joel his mid 30s, then somewhere along the way they'd separated. You don't know much else about him other than that.

"It's the people you mainly worry about though, right?" you ask, quoting something Tommy had said a few weeks back, "Tommy said you've had more run-ins with raiders than infected."

"Tommy's tellin' you too much," he replies with a grunt, "Don't know what he's even thinking sendin' some kid up here."

You feel anger rise in your chest immediately, "I'm not a kid, asshole."

He stops then, turns around and appraises you with his eyebrows furrowed. It's the first time he's actually gotten a good look at you, his gaze catching on your face for a lasting moment before his eyes fall to your gun. You feel slightly vulnerable, intimidated by his heavy stare.

"How old are you?" he asks, genuinely curious.

"Twenty seven."

His brow furrows even more, "Coulda sworn he said you were seventeen."

"Well, I'm not," you reply awkwardly.

"No, you're not," he acknowledges, "I'm sorry," He seems to mean it, giving you the smallest of apologetic nods and then turning around again to keep walking.

"You thought Tommy sent a seventeen year old up here with you? I thought you had to be eighteen to patrol outside the border."

"You do, I just wouldn't put it past Tommy to send a kid up here with me," he grumbles, "Wouldn't be the first time."

"...Why?"

"None of your business."

"Okay, but now I'm just thinking you're some kind of pervert," you say it in a joking manner but he doesn't laugh. Instead, he stops again and spins around, looking at you with what you can only explain as pure rage. You flinch backward, eyes widening.

"Do I look like a fucking pervert to you?" he asks, voice hard and angry.

"I was joking," you say immediately, shaking your head frantically, "It didn't land."

"No, it fucking didn't," he starts walking again at a faster pace, leaving you standing there completely floored.

Yeah, it's bad.

"Ellie's not speaking to him," Tommy explains to you the next morning in the dining hall, hands gripping his coffee mug. You've just told him about your patrol with Joel and the horrible impression you've already managed to make. "I really shouldn't be telling you this but with an outburst like that...I need you to understand why he reacted the way he did."

You look at him, bewildered, "Ellie? That teenager who plays guitar down by the stream?" And the one who'd relentlessly bothered you with questions about your scars, but you keep that part to yourself.

"Yeah, she's...well for all intents and purposes, she's Joel's kid. And she stopped talking to him a while ago, maybe six or seven months back now," he takes a sip of coffee, "Don't ask me why 'cause I have no idea. I've asked both of them and neither'll give me any kind of explanation. All I know is they ain't speakin' and he's heartbroken over it."

"Must've been a bad argument," you say, scrunching your nose in thought, "I mean...seven months? That's a long time to not speak to someone, especially your dad."

"Eh, you haven't met Ellie. She's one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. They both are," he shakes his head, "Anyway, you calling him a perv probably pissed him off 'cause Ellie's real special to him, a surrogate daughter. He wouldn't like someone misunderstanding that, seein' somethin' dirty or wrong there."

"I wasn't-"

He puts a hand up, nodding, "I know you weren't, I get it, no worries. It's partly my fault anyway 'cause he's right, I have tried to send a teen or two up with him, thought it'd do him good to mentor somebody again. But he doesn't want it, I know that now. He doesn't want it if it's not Ellie."

"Well, he doesn't seem to like me anyway, no matter how old I am," you sigh, leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms, "I mean, he didn't talk to me once after that, not for the whole shift. It was bad. I don't know if it's gonna work, Tommy. I'm sorry."

He nods and gives you a small smile, thumbing the handle of his mug, "It's okay, I didn't think it'd work out anyways." He tries to hide the disappointment in his expression but fails miserably, and you leave the dining hall feeling bad about your failure.

A few days later you're back in the dining hall finishing up dinner, chatting with a few of the community members who you've warmed up most to. There's not many, but you are starting to find yourself feeling more and more comfortable around people as the days go on, more like yourself. You're caught up in a story about an infected you'd encountered in a gas station when their gazes suddenly divert from you and instead fix above your head. Confused, you slow your words and turn around.

"Oh, hi," you say, voice a bit breathless when you see Joel standing there, hands in his pockets, "Did you need something?"

"I, uh, wanted to talk to you," he says it softly, kindly, completely the opposite of how he'd talked to you before, "When you're finished, of course."

"Oh, yeah, sure," your words are broken and awkward, "Uh, I'll meet you...?"

"I'll be outside the main doors," he says quickly, "Take your time."

"Okay, I'll be out in a few."

He nods to you and then to your friends, then turns on his heel and walks out through the big double doors at the end of the dining area. You watch him go, bewildered.

"I thought he hated you," one of your friends says, voicing exactly what you're currently thinking.

"Yeah," you reply, furrowing your brow, "So did I."

You finish your story much quicker than intended and shove away from the table, waving goodbye to your friends and bringing your empty dish to the cleaning station. You push past the double doors and scan the outside area for Joel, eyeing the picnic tables where a few people are enjoying their meals in the fresh air.

"Hey," you hear behind you, and you turn to see him leaning against the left side of the building, arms crossed, "Over here."

You walk over, trying to plan out exactly what you're going to say so you don't end up making some stupid joke again that'll push him further away from you. It turns out you don't need to, because he speaks first.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry," he says it seriously, a soft and genuine look in his brown eyes, "I treated you horribly the other day, you didn't deserve that."

You raise an eyebrow, "Did Tommy put you up to this?"

He frowns, "No."

"Are you sure? 'Cause if he did...I mean, I get it. It's nice of him to look out for me like that but you really don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything, I'm the one who said the tactless joke."

"Tommy didn't say anything to me," he seems to mean it, kicking the toe of his boot against the building, "And I know you were joking, I knew it then too but I'd just..." he takes a breath, avoiding eye contact, "I was havin' a bad day. Doesn't excuse my behavior by any means but it...you just..." he finally looks at you again, expression pained, "I wasn't expectin' you to be there. Tommy only told me you were takin' over for him about ten minutes before you showed up. And then I thought you were a kid and-"

You put your hand up, silencing him, "Joel, it's okay. You don't have to explain."

"I didn't even shake your damn hand," he says gruffly, sounding genuinely ashamed.

You extend your hand to him immediately, splaying your fingers out into the cold air, "Here, shake it now." He stares at it, unsure, and you wiggle it a bit in response, "Seriously, it's okay. Let's start over, clean slate."

He slowly reaches up to take it, his much bigger hand enveloping yours completely. His grip is strong and firm and you can feel calluses along his fingers, showing you exactly who taught Ellie how to play that guitar.

"Clean slate," he repeats, and it begins.

He's annoying, but you kinda love it.

He's grumpy most of the time, hates when you don't obey his orders, isn't afraid to give you shit, and gets irritated with you very easily. But it goes both ways. You're stubborn and set in your ways, you hate being told what to do, you dish it just as much as you take it, and it doesn't take much to get you riled up. And somehow, as much as you'd both probably hate to admit it, you work well together.

After your little conversation with Joel outside the dining hall, you'd flagged down Tommy and told him you were willing to try again with Joel on another patrol. He'd looked at you like you were crazy but hadn't shot the idea down, telling you that if it's what you really wanted, he'd keep the schedule the same.

You've been up on the mountain with Joel three times now, and while there's certainly been challenges and a few arguments, it's starting to become a routine. He doesn't talk about himself - it's a bit of an unspoken rule that you dare not break - but in return you don't tell him much about you either. Your main conversation points are usually tied to your interests, not your pasts, and you find yourself discussing movies with him, as well as music and books. He's surprisingly well-read for someone in an apocalypse, but you suppose he could say the same thing about you.

The fourth trip is what sets things in motion.

"Did you catch the movie last night?" you ask nonchalantly as you hike beside him, almost to the ski lodge. It's early morning, around five, and the sun is just beginning to crest the tree line, "I don't think Maria knew about the sex scene."

He groans, reaching up to rub the space between his eyes - you've noticed that he does this a lot, a quirk you've become rather fond of.

"Yes," he replies, wincing, "I heard her givin' Tommy a piece of her mind afterwards."

"The way she was yelling for him to turn off the projector was so fucking funny," you grin at the memory, still fresh in your mind, "And listen, I get it, sex is taboo, yada yada yada, but it's not like there were any little kids there last night, it was just the teens. And it's not like it was a porno or something, it was one little sex scene."

"Oh, I know, but I think Maria's trying to keep 'em as innocent as possible for as long as she can."

"Good luck with that," you snort, "I think we all lost our innocence a long time ago, for better or for worse."

"For worse," he replies instantly, "Definitely for worse."

"You're probably right," you grimace, "Although, you know what? I've actually never seen a porno."

He raises an eyebrow at you, "Seriously? Never?"

You bristle slightly, suddenly a little self conscious, "Well, it's not like there's an adult video store in this town, is there?" You can remember them existing when you were a kid, before everything happened, but it's not like you'd had any use for them at that time.

"No, you're right," he turns away from you, lost in thought for a moment, "They do still exist though. Pornos, I mean. Just in other forms. There's a stack of magazines up at the ski lodge, actually."

Your eyes go wide, "Wait, really?"

"Yup."

"Could I maybe..." you trail off and stop speaking, realizing that you should definitely not be asking what you're thinking.

"Look at 'em?" he finishes for you, not looking behind him as he keeps walking, "And you call me a pervert."

The conversation ends there, and you don't dare try to continue it.

The day is spent keeping watch along the ski lodge balcony, binoculars passed back and forth as you trade shifts and chat here and there about irrelevant things. Your main objective in this patrol spot is to keep watch of the main watchtower's blind spots, keeping an aerial view of the border perimeter in case people - mainly raiders - decide to make themselves known. You'd thought early on in your admittance to Jackson that infected were their main concern, but you've come to learn that's not the case at all. When Joel had said they'd come across infected up here he'd been lying to you; they'd actually come across a group of raiders who'd tried - and failed - to murder Joel and Tommy during their watch. Not the most reassuring thing to hear now that you've taken over, but you needed to know.

"It's why we got the trip wires down near the entrance now," Joel had explained to you during your second patrol with him, "We won't get snuck up on again," he'd made a face, "Not unless someone decides to disobey my orders."

You'd given him a weak smile, remembering how you'd decided not to heed his warning about going outside the ski lodge after light's out and ended up almost getting your leg shot off by a booby trap, "My bad." He'd rolled his eyes and grumbled to himself.

Now that it's your fourth watch you've gotten the hang of things and have learned to enjoy the semi-solitude of being on the mountain with Joel. He's got a battery operated radio and a box of cassette tapes that keep you from being bored out of your mind, plus a few containers of books that he and Tommy had carried up over the course of a few patrols. Now that you really think about it, you don't remember seeing any of the aforementioned porn Joel had spoken of in any of those crates.

It's midday when you decide to glance through them again out of curiosity, handing the binoculars over to Joel and slipping past him as he traipses out onto the balcony. You head for the boxes immediately and start to dig through them, not sure exactly what you're even looking for. Someone naked, you guess.

"They're not in there," Joel calls to you after a few minutes and you stiffen, turning to look at him through the glass where he can very clearly see what you're doing. He's got a shit-eating grin on his face and you feel your skin flush red.

"I don't know what you're even talking about," you call back, walking away from the books and plopping yourself in the chair by the unlit fireplace, which has somehow become your chair via another unspoken rule, "I was looking for a tape."

"Okay, well the 'tape' you're looking for is in the back of the supply closet," he sounds like he's fighting back laughter and your skin burns even more, "Underneath a box of cleaning supplies."

"I'm ignoring you," you yell out, "Get back to work."

You swear you hear a muffled laugh through the glass.

When he comes in from his shift he barely looks at you, just pushes past you lightly and heads for the supply closet. You follow behind him, heart pounding a bit harder in your chest the closer you get to the stash. He opens the closet door and you watch as he yanks out the cleaning supplies, then digs a bit deeper and reappears with six or seven magazines in his arms.

"Here," he leans them toward you and you hesitantly reach forward to take them from him, "They're mostly from the 90s."

"And you know this because....?" you raise an eyebrow and you swear his cheeks go pink.

"I'm a man," he shrugs, trying to be nonchalant as he passes you again to head back to the living room.

"Perv," you call after him, but he doesn't turn around this time.

"You got ten minutes."

You've never seen so much nudity in your life, which is saying something considering you'd seen your fair share of it back in your QZ when life had been a bit easier. But seeing it on paper, in photographs that have somehow lasted through years of this shitty reality, it's something else entirely. You stare with wide eyes at the onslaught of naked bodies, most of which are posed in extremely graphic sexual positions, and feel your heart continue to pound in your chest.

Without much thought you'd opened the first magazine right there where Joel left you standing outside the supply closet, and you now find yourself sitting in said closet with your flashlight aimed at the pages, breathing heavily and trying to comprehend exactly how you feel about what you're looking at. A lot of it feels kind of fake, especially the looks on the faces of the models, but there's enough sexual energy there that makes you start to feel a bit wet in your underwear, a feeling you haven't experienced for quite some time; not since a few a years ago in the QZ when you'd been in your last relationship.

"I gave you ten minutes," you suddenly hear Joel say from the other room, and you quickly scramble to your feet and frantically shut the magazine, "In case you forgot, it's your turn."

"Fuck," you trip out of the closet and dash to the living room, clutching your brand new collection of media to your chest, "Sorry, I got distracted."

He stands by the balcony door and looks you over quickly, eyes scanning from the magazines to your face and back again, "Enjoy yourself?" his expression is unreadable and it makes you self conscious.

"Oh please," you reply, making a face, "Do not start."

"So which was your favorite?" he asks you casually once darkness has fallen and you're both safely settled in the lodge for the night.

"Which what?"

He looks at you from over his book and gives you a look, like he's questioning your sanity. You stare for a moment and then slap your hand over your eyes when you realize.

"Oh for fuck's sake," you groan, "I'm never gonna hear the end of this now, am I?"

He laughs and you look over at him again, laying there on the couch with a smug look on his face. You retaliate by grabbing the pillow behind you and tossing it at him, making him drop the book he's reading.

"Hey!" he reaches down to pick it up again, "I showed them to you, I'm allowed to ask."

"False," you say, flipping your hair, "And for your information, I only managed to look at one of them."

He chuckles to himself and returns to his book, "Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone. I was just kiddin'."

"Joel Miller? Kidding?" you make a faux-shocked face, "I fear we've entered the Twilight Zone."

"Don't even pretend you know what that is," he says it seriously but his smile betrays him, "You didn't know about the Twilight Zone 'til I told you about it last week."

"That's just what I wanted you to think."

He rolls his eyes and keeps reading, letting the silence take over again. You watch his eyes scan the page back and forth, taking in the story - whatever it is - and transporting himself to another world, away from the ski lodge. He does this every patrol once it's too dark to see outside, sets the battery powered lantern to its highest setting and reads until he falls asleep. You wish you had his concentration and focus; instead, you curl up in the red armchair and force your eyes shut until your thoughts quiet down enough to let you sleep. Which is difficult tonight especially, seeing as all you can think about are those damn magazines.

After about five more minutes of silence you take a deep breath, then quietly say, "The one with the blonde girl in the bunny ears."

You don't dare look at him, waiting for his response and focusing instead on the empty fireplace beside you. You hear the crinkling of paper as he dogears the page of his book and then the gentle thud as he places it on the floor.

"That's a good one," he says just as quietly.

Another moment of silence passes, and your skin feels like it's on fire as you whisper, "I like the page where she's like...bent over."

"I can't remember the pages, if I'm being honest," he replies, "I haven't looked at them in a while."

You nod to yourself, "Well, there's this page where the guy has her bent over a table. And he's like...pounding into her from behind." You wait for him to say something else but he doesn't so you continue, "It's one of the only pages where she actually looks like she's enjoying herself."

"Hey, uh, I really was just kiddin'," he says awkwardly, "You don't have to tell me, it's okay."

"Oh," you can't help but sound dejected and embarrassed, your fingers trembling a little bit as you push a loose strand of hair behind your ear, "Sorry."

"I mean, if you want to, you can," he corrects, sounding slightly embarrassed himself, "I know you probably....you probably want to talk about it."

You bite down on your lip and sigh exasperatedly, placing your hands over your face, "Kinda," you mumble against your fingers, "It's all I can think about right now."

"Did it make you uncomfortable?" he asks, voice still gentle, "A lot of people are offended by that kinda stuff, you wouldn't be the first person to find it weird."

"It's definitely weird," you take a shaky breath and drop your hands, "But no, I'm not uncomfortable. It was....I mean, it was hot," you bite your lip, "I haven't even thought about sex for a long time so it made me...uh..."

The silence is deafening and apparently neither of you wants to break it as you sit there without speaking, letting your words hang in the dead air. You suddenly feel like you want to crawl out of your skin for saying anything to begin with, for even asking about the magazines in the first place.

"Wet?" he suddenly says, voice breaking a bit, "It made you wet?"

"Very," you reply, relieved that he's not freaked out and trying to change the subject.

"Well, that's normal," he says, voice stiff.

You can't help but laugh, finally peering over at him and seeing that he's just laying there, staring at the ceiling, "I know it's normal, Joel. It's not my first time being turned on, trust me."

"Well, what am I supposed to say?" he grumbles, looking at you in exasperation, "You can't just say that and expect me to give you a casual response. It made you wet, you got turned on, congratulations."

You stare at him, watching as he reaches for his book again, "Wait," you clamor out of the chair and reach beneath it to grab the magazine you'd looked at earlier. You shuffle over to him, thumbing through the pages until you find the right one, "Here," you open to the correct page and show it to him, "This is the one I'm talking about."

His eyes assess the page, his Adam's apple bobbing heavily in his throat as he takes in what you were referring to. He nods slowly, "Okay yeah, I see what you mean. She's about to come, that's why she looks like that."

Your brow furrows, "You can tell that from a picture?"

He shrugs, eyes still on the magazine, "Well, see, he's rubbin' her clit," he points to it and your face goes hot again, "And he's fuckin' her pretty hard. So yeah, I'd say she's either already comin' or about to." his gaze shifts back to you, noticing that you're staring, and he awkwardly pushes the magazine back toward you, "What?"

"I just..." you swallow, shaking your head apologetically, "Sorry, it just sounded really dirty hearing you say that."

He suddenly looks uncomfortable, shifting on the couch and leaning away from you as he crosses his arms, "Well, you asked."

"I know, I don't mean it in a bad way," you step back and realize you're suddenly throbbing in your jeans, feeling that familiar wetness again, "It just... hearing you say it out loud like that, it makes the picture hotter, somehow."

He looks at you, gaze trailing from your eyes to your lips. You suddenly feel like you've said too much, exposed even though you're fully dressed, and you walk back over to the chair and quickly plop back down in it. You give him another look and see his lips parting like he's going to say something else. Instead he takes a breath and drops his eyes from your face, twisting around on the couch to face the opposite way, "It's late, we should sleep."

"Y-yeah," you breathe, crossing your legs, heart stuttering as your clothed core presses wetly against the denim of your jeans. "You're right."

You curl back up in the chair and try to calm your breath, slow your heart, try not to focus too much on the fact that hearing Joel of all people say the phrases he's rubbin' her clit and fuckin' her pretty hard has made you start falling to pieces. Do you even see Joel that way? Has there ever been a moment where you found yourself thinking about him like that? You want to tell yourself the answer is no, that your body is simply experiencing some pent-up sexual frustration and he has nothing to do with it, but you know you'd be lying to yourself.

He's hot. It's not some shocking revelation or something you've realized over time. There's a reason you'd felt so drawn to him that first day in the dining hall, a reason you'd watched out for him every day and hoped he'd notice you. Hell, there's a reason you're still doing patrols with him despite him being a pain in the ass. You're not an idiot, you know yourself well enough by now to know what these things mean.

You're attracted to him. You've been attracted to him this whole damn time.

You shut your eyes tight and curl up into a ball, holding your knees to your chest. He's rubbin' her clit, his voice echoes in your mind, and your cunt begins to ache.

Stop thinking about it, you shake his words away and try to focus on falling asleep. There's no way you're gonna touch yourself right now, not with him in the room, and you're not gonna excuse yourself either like some horny teenager. You can do this, you can get through it, it'll go away soon.

It doesn't go away.

About twenty minutes later you're still sitting there with your eyes shut, trying your hardest not to touch yourself. But it's so fucking difficult. His words are playing on a loop in your head, over and over, soft yet rough, kind yet sexy, his southern drawl making it all the more hotter:

She's about to come, that's why she looks like that.

He's rubbin' her clit.

He's fuckin' her pretty hard.

I'd say she's either already comin' or about to.

You squirm in the chair, imagining what he'd sound like whispering that in your ear with his fingers pumping in and out of you as you came undone beneath him. Rubbin' her clit, his voice breathes in your mind, fuckin' her pretty hard, she's about to come.

You're ten seconds from breaking your own rule and heading back to the supply closet to find some release when you hear an unfamiliar sound coming from a few feet away. Your eyes flutter open, thoughts stopping momentarily as you try to figure out what it is. You turn slightly in your chair to see if Joel hears it too, and you feel your breath stop completely.

He's turned off the lantern so you can't see him properly, but you can make out the shadow of him in the moonlight, see the long shape of him directly mirrored against the floorboards and his hand stroking himself up and down, quick and rough. Your lips part in disbelief, realizing the noise you're hearing is the sound of his palm slapping against the base of his cock as he jacks himself off.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Here you've been, desperately trying to push away any and all sense of desire so you wouldn't make a fool out of yourself, wouldn't make him uncomfortable, and here he is doing that exact thing. Angrily, almost out of spite, you sit up in the chair and stuff your hand down your jeans.

Two can play at that game, asshole.

Your finger goes straight to your clit and you begin to rub it furiously, eyes trained on the dark outline of his hand moving up and down. You can only vaguely make out the shape of him but it's enough to make you start dripping, the base of your palm getting slick as you stimulate yourself continuously. He's well endowed, that much is obvious, and you watch his silhouette as he releases his large cock for a moment to bring his hand to his mouth and lick a stripe along his palm. You have to bite down on your lip to suppress the moan that threatens to bubble from your throat at the action, watching through lidded eyes as he brings his wet hand back down and fists himself once more.

Without much thought you slip your middle finger inside yourself, eyes trained on him as you pretend it's his cock pushing past your entrance. It's pretty difficult to imagine though, considering his cock is probably five times as girthy as your one finger, but you make do. You can kind of make out the shape of the tip, wide and shiny, disappearing and reappearing over and over. You slip a second finger inside and bite back a whimper.

The only sounds in the room are the slapping of his skin and the sudden wet squelch of your fingers; you don't even bother to try and make it softer, you're getting off now whether he knows or not, the fullness overwhelming you as you lick your lips and furrow your brow. You haven't masturbated in a long time; you know it won't take you long to get what you need.

"Are you-" he suddenly gasps into the darkness, and your head snaps up to look at him again, heart pounding when you see that his hand has stilled on his cock and he's looking over at you with an expression of pure disbelief.

You should probably be embarrassed, apologetic, but instead you can't help but feel a rush of pride, of spite, as he realizes what you're doing.

"Like you're not," you hiss back, practically spitting as you continue to fuck yourself, "I'm not deaf."

"Thought you were sleepin'," he says back, and you can see his fingers clench around his length, like he's doing everything in his power not to stroke himself.

"And that makes it less weird?"

He groans and lets go of himself completely, sitting up slightly on the couch and shaking his head like he's trying to wake himself up from a dream he isn't having. When he looks at you again his eyes fall to where you're still getting off, not bothering to be sneaky about the way he practically bores a hole in your jeans with his gaze.

"So what are you gonna do about it?" he challenges gruffly, eyes coming back up to meet yours, the hint of a cocky smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Oh, he's proud of himself, isn't he?

You glare at him, "I'm not gonna do anything about it, Joel. I'm gonna keep going," you mean it too, fingers not even slowing down as you pant breathlessly in his direction, "And you can stay here or you can go, doesn't matter to me."

It does matter, actually, it really does. If he was to get up and walk out... it would basically be a rejection, something you're not sure you'll be able to deal with. You don't break eye contact with him, staring him down as you give him your own challenge.

He swallows, gives you one last look, and then flops back down into a horizontal position as he reaches for himself again. He returns to his quick strokes, almost purposely more heavy this time as he mutters, "No talking. Let's just do it and forget it even happened, deal?"

"Deal," you reply immediately, and add a third finger.

It doesn't take long for you to find your release, a particularly hard slap of skin from Joel on the couch pushing you over the edge. You don't try to stifle your moan this time, focusing completely on enjoying your orgasm as your hand stills in your pants and you begin to shake in the chair. Your hips buck pathetically, eyes shutting tight as you whimper and cry out in pleasure.

"Jesus Christ," you hear Joel pant a few seconds afterward, followed by a long groan as he starts to come too, "Fuck."

You manage to catch a glimpse of the way he twists his wrist, aims his cock against his button-down and stains it with his release. You wish you had a better view, that it wasn't so dark, but just hearing him come apart is enough. It's exactly what you hoped it would be.

You lay there in silence for a few moments, both of you panting breathlessly from your orgasms as the weight of what you've just done starts to creep in. You're suddenly slightly afraid of what he'll say, what he'll do. Will he get mad? Will he say he doesn't want to patrol with you anymore? You decide immediately that you don't want him to have the first word.

"What were you thinking about?" you ask, barely a whisper.

It takes a few moments for him to reply, and you start to worry that you've already ruined everything, but then he answers.

"Bunny ears," he says quietly.

"What?"

"I was thinkin' about the bunny ear girl," he's still breathless, "From the magazine. Weren't you?"

You figure you can't dig the hole any deeper.

"I was just watching you, Joel," you breathe, feeling butterflies tingle in your belly at the words, "Didn't have to think about anything else."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, then mumbles something to himself that you don't understand. You can't fully make out his expression but you swear you see him frown in the moonlight, not exactly the response you were aiming for. He suddenly turns on the couch again to face away from you, exhaling loudly, "Go to sleep."

The words strike you hard, lips parting in surprise. You obviously hadn't expected him to completely reciprocate, to jump into your arms and kiss you, but that? "Go to sleep"? What the fuck kind of a response is that? You stare at him, hoping against reason that he'll turn around again and apologize, say something different, but he doesn't.

"Yeah, sure," you mutter, curling back up into a ball in the chair and hoping sleep finds you as soon as possible so you don't have to think anymore, "Asshole."

You hope he hears you.

You wake the next morning to the sound of someone rummaging nearby, and you open your eyes blearily to see Joel crouched near the door, packing his bag. You stretch and yawn automatically, momentarily forgetting what had transpired between the two of you last night. His head tilts up to look at you and it all comes flooding back when you see that familiar frown on his face.

"Do you ever smile?" you say, voice rough with sleep.

He rolls his eyes and goes back to his pack, shaking his head, "Like you're so chipper."

"Well, at least I have a good reason to be annoyed," you snap, sitting up in the chair and stretching your legs, "Asshole."

"You love to call me that, don't you?"

"Just calling it like I see it," you mutter, pulling yourself up and heading past him to the door, "I'm taking a piss."

"Watch out for th-"

"The trip wires, I know," you interrupt coldly, "I'm not an idiot."

He doesn't say anything else but you feel his eyes on your back as you walk out onto the balcony and down the steps. You both have to pee in the woods when you're out here - the ski lifts aren't the only things that don't work properly anymore - so you've managed to each figure out your own designated area. You feel relieved once you're out of his eyesight and beneath the thick layer of tree branches that keep your makeshift bathroom secluded.

You really shouldn't be so pissed at him, it's not like he owes you anything. You know you're projecting your own feelings onto him and that it isn't fair, but god, him telling you to go to sleep after you'd essentially confessed your attraction to him makes your blood boil. He'd really had nothing else to say? Couldn't have come up with something a little softer, a little kinder? Let you down easy?

You grumble to yourself on the way back up the steps, questioning whether or not you should keep ignoring him or just get over it. Is it really worth an hours hike of hostility? You already know this is your last shift with him, there's no way you can come back from this in any way that will keep your dignity intact. It's over.

"You say you're not a kid but you sure do act like one," Joel says the second you re-enter the ski lodge, and you stop dead in your tracks. He's got his arms crossed, nose flaring in anger, "I'm sick and tired of the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, all that shit. What happened to people just talkin' to each other?"

You shut the door behind you and shake your head, "I'm not giving you the silent treatment Joel, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down," his voice is firm but you can hear some emotion there, something deeper. He doesn't like being ignored and you know why, but it doesn't soften your resolve.

"I'm pissed at you, yeah," you admit, shrugging, "But I think I have a pretty valid reason."

"And what is it?"

You stare, scrunching up your face in confusion, "Are you serious? Jesus, Joel, I thought you were smart."

"Oh, fuck off," he grumbles, rolling his eyes again, "I ain't a mind reader."

You shake your head again, inhaling deeply, "I'm not asking you to read my mind, Joel," you exhale and try to calm yourself, feeling the angry tears begin to sting your eyes. God, you hate how emotional you get when you're angry. You hate showing weakness like this.

"Then tell me," he groans, "Is it about last night? 'Cause I thought we made a deal that we're not gonna talk about it."

You laugh at his words, cold and hard, "Right, yeah, sorry. Deal's a deal, right? My bad," you couldn't sound more sarcastic if you tried, stuffing your roll of toilet paper back in your pack and zipping it up, "Come on, let's just head back and forget about it." Your voice cracks on the last few words and you bite down hard on your lip, feeling the tears spill over.

"Are you crying?" his voice falters, and you hear a twinge of kindness in his tone, something you'd desperately wanted to hear last night.

He crosses the room before you even have a chance to reply, striding over to you and placing his hand on your shoulder firmly, making you turn around. His face softens immediately when he sees the tears streaming down your face, the tears you're already trying to wipe away.

"Fuck," he says, brow furrowing in concern, "I'm sorry."

You snort involuntarily, shaking your head, "I'm just stupid."

"You're not stupid," it's almost a whisper, "I'm the stupid one, believe me," he brings his hand up like he's going to touch your face but seems to think better of it, bringing it back to your shoulder again, "I shouldn't have... I don't know what I was thinkin' last night, I'm sorry. You showed me that magazine and-"

You put your hand up to silence him, "I don't care about why, Joel. I don't even care that you did it, it's not like I told you to stop."

His brow furrows deeper, "Then what...?"

You close your eyes, breathing deeply before putting on your best impression of him and mumbling, "Go to sleep," like he had the night before, opening your eyes again to see if he understands.

He stares at you for a few seconds, confused, but you watch as it suddenly dawns on him, realization spreading across his features. He suddenly lets go of your shoulder and takes a few steps back, eyes falling to the floor.

"You can't... you can't think of me that way," he says it gruffly, swallowing and shaking his head.

You stand there without saying anything, waiting until he finally looks back up at you to speak. When he does, you make sure to look directly in his eyes.

"Why not?"

His hand comes up to touch the back of his neck and you swear you see patches of red begin to bloom along his collarbone, like he's embarrassed...or flattered? You take a step forward and he quickly takes another step backward.

"If it's because of the age thing... I really don't care, Joel," you say earnestly, heart beginning to beat heavily in your chest, "I think you're..." You can't believe the words are even coming out of your mouth, the tears on your face already beginning to dry as you try to process this new situation you've found yourself in, "I think you're sexy."

His brow furrows again, not in anger but in confusion. He doesn't take another step backward when you move toward him this time, staying rooted in place as you peer up at him, waiting for him to speak. He remains silent, his eyes trained directly on your face, lips set in a firm line.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

He shakes his head slowly, "I don't."

"Why?"

He doesn't reply, just keeps staring at you like he has absolutely no idea what to say. You suddenly feel the need to reassure him, comfort him. Your hand moves upward, aching to cup his face in your hand, feel that grey scruff beneath your palm.

He pulls back before you get the chance, shaking his head again, "Don't," it's barely a whisper, voice breaking as he says it, "Just...gimme a minute."

"Okay," you nod, dropping your hand, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizin'," he breathes, still not breaking eye contact, "Just let me think, please."

You swallow, teeth tugging on your lip as he continues to stand there motionless. He's still looking at you but his thoughts are miles away; you can practically see the wheels turning in his head, calculating exactly what he's supposed to do in a situation like this. Part of you wants him to kiss you, part of you wants to kiss him, part of you wants to wait until he makes a decision. You settle firmly on the third option.

"I lied," he finally breaks the silence, jaw tense and firm, "I wasn't thinkin' about that fuckin' bunny ear model."

Your lips part; you hadn't been expecting him to say that.

"Then...what were you thinking about?" You already know the answer before he replies.

"You," his voice is strained, broken, like he's holding himself back, "I was thinkin' about you and the stupid magazines in the supply closet."

You feel your skin flush, a tingle trailing up the back of your neck as you try not to show him how pleased you are, "W-what?"

"I couldn't stop thinkin' about you in that closet, lookin' at those pictures, getting...." he trails off and swallows, then whispers, "Wet. Gettin' all wet in your panties from that girl getting fucked."

His words send an immediate throb to your core and you can feel your heart in your throat, pounding relentlessly as he continues to speak, continues to say exactly what's been on his mind as you stand in front of him, so much smaller than him, letting his words get lost in the sudden warmth of your body and the buzz of your thoughts.

"I couldn't stop thinkin' about it," he repeats, voice rough, eyes dark, "Your wet panties, your big eyes, your..." he practically chokes then, "Your pussy, all wet and aching."

"Oh my god," you whimper, crossing your legs involuntarily as you feel an immediate surge of wetness in your underwear, "Please, keep talking, please."

"Wanted to see it and touch it," he murmurs, his breath ghosting across your face as he peers down at you with desire in his eyes, "Wanted to fuck it and make you come."

Without hesitation your arms shoot up to wrap around his neck, burying your face in his warm chest and tugging at the collar of his coat, "I want you to," you practically moan, clawing at the material, "Joel, I need you to fuck me right now."

To your absolute dismay he reaches up and removes your arms from him, taking a step back so neither of you are touching. His eyes are so dark, pupils blown wide and that red blush of heat now spread all over his neck and cheekbones.

"I can't," he says, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, I can't."

You're about to protest, whine and beg if you have to, but his eyes fall to your groin. You watch with wide eyes as he goes for his belt, begins to unloop it and remove it.

"Take your pants off," he groans, and you don't need telling twice.

You end up masturbating together again, this time in the light of day. You find yourselves laying on the couch where he'd slept last night, the memory of what he'd done there fresh in your mind as you pump two fingers in and out of yourself steadily and watch him stroke his cock to match your pace. He watches you behind hooded eyes, his lips parted as he pants and gets himself off to your pleasure, watches you do the same thing to him.

"That's it," he murmurs, eyes scrunching in arousal as he scans your face, watches you come undone, "Rub your clit, nice and fast."

You whimper, unable to hold on for much longer as you eye his cock and see the way the fat head of it drips for you, slicking his hand and allowing him to stroke faster and faster. You want to say something to help get him off too but your words are completely lost in the sensation; you couldn't speak even if you wanted to.

He knows you're about to come, can see it in your face the way he saw it in the face of the model in the picture. He swallows heavily and fucks himself impossibly faster, harder, silently asking you to match his pace. You do it, thumbing your clit and feeling the tense coil in your belly snap as your jaw drops and you let out a long and ridiculously loud moan. Your eyes shut tight and you throw your head back, feeling your body begin to shake from the stimulation.

"There you go," he grunts, and you hear the slapping of skin stop as he rides out his own release, coming into his fist, "Fuck." Your eyes open at just the right time to see his jaw go slack, eyes practically rolling into the back of his head from the pleasure. It somehow makes you ache for more, even though you can't possibly imagine being any more overstimulated than you already are.

You both lay there, chests heaving, hearts pounding, completely undone. It goes without saying that you've both just managed to each have one of the best orgasms of your lives.

"New patrol rule," you whisper to him, legs still wide and cunt dripping with your release, "We do this. Every time. Please."

"Yes," he replies immediately, still catching his breath, "I can do that."

"It can't be any more than this," Joel says to you quietly as you hike down the mountain a little while later, the sunrise cresting the trees again the way it had yesterday when you'd hiked up; it's like nothing has changed, but you both know that everything has.

"Okay," you say just as softly, though part of you aches to reach for his hand, loop your pinky through his and have some degree of touch between you. But you can tell he means business, that there won't be any more discussion on the matter today.

"Just this," he whispers, glancing at you with a meaningful look, eyes soft and tender as he peers at you, knowing what he's done, what he's started.

"Just this," you agree, but you don't really believe it.

You hope, deep down, neither does he.

thank you so much for reading! there will be more in this collection coming very soon. i'd like to do some short fics of certain nights they've had, especially the first time he calls her a good girl. that was originally going to be in this part but it was just getting wayyy too long and i have so many ideas i need to flesh out more lol. i'm also going to continue where they left off in "don't think we could help it", and yes, eventually they will do the deed, i promise. among other things....

if you liked it, please let me know! and again, if you'd like to give me a tip you can do so on my kofi 💖

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #*#fic: soft!dom joel

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nicoline1998enilocin · 6 months ago

Text

"Marry Me" || Chapter 1

PAIRING || Boyfriend!Tony Stark x Girlfriend!Nurse!Fem!Reader

WORDCOUNT || 4.1K

SUMMARY || Tony comes home from another gruesome mission and doesn't stay unharmed this time. As you take care of his wounds, he can't keep his thoughts to himself any longer, and he asks you to marry him in a way you never would have seen coming.

RATING || Explicit (E)

TAGS || Canon divergence. Everybody lives AU. Age gap.

WARNINGS || Injured!Tony Stark. Administration of painkillers through a shot.

SMUT || Teasing. Daddy kink. Praise. Dirty talk. Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!). Cream pie.

A/N || This story is dedicated to my best friend I could have ever wished for, @ccbsrmsf1. Carol, I cannot even begin to describe the gratefulness I feel for you and your friendship, because it’s not something that can be put into words. Thank you for being here for me through it all, eu te amo 🤍

EVENTS @fandombingo || Sleepy morning sex @fandom-free-bingo Book Night || 'You make me feel like I am home again' @fandom-free-bingo Book Night || "I'm getting old." @fandom-free-bingo Maritime May || Reassuring touches

@fandom-free-bingo Maritime May || Don't make me laugh @fandom-free-bingo Wild || "I've got you." @seasonaldelightsbingo Language of flowers || The little spoon for the first time @sweetspicybingo Hurt/Comfort || "Are you okay?"

GIF: @ccbsrmsf1 || Graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Tony Stark Masterlist || Series Masterlist

It's been a week since you last saw your boyfriend - none other than Tony Stark himself - because he's been on a long and tiring mission to destroy the last few HYDRA bases that were left in Brazil. There has been little to no contact between you two, aside from the quick messages through JARVIS, the AI he built, to let you know he's still alive.

However, the message you received not even half an hour ago has you a little more worried than usual. During your many years as a nurse for SHIELD and Tony's private nurse, there's practically nothing you haven't lived through, but to know your boyfriend is hurt still sends shivers down your spine.

Tony has built a private exam room in his penthouse for moments like these, and you have treated many different wounds and injuries there. From ones obtained during missions to mishaps down in his lab, rarely a day goes by where something doesn't go wrong, but you love him for it. His clumsy nature is one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place.

Now, you're setting up the exam room after JARVIS's orders about Tony coming home soon and a brief description of his injuries, which you're thankful for. This means you're not going in blind as he arrives in your shared home.

When you put down the last instruments and bandages in the room, you hear the elevator door open, notifying you that Tony is back. As you walk out to greet him, your heart sinks into your stomach because the sight in front of you is one you will never get used to, no matter how many times you see it.

Tony is limping and heavily favoring his left leg over the right; he's clutching his arm to his ribs, and he's covered in countless little cuts and bruises, blood seemingly being everywhere. His clothes are torn, and his facial expression is a mix of both tiredness and sadness, but when he sees you, he instantly gets a shimmer in his eyes.

"Hi, Gorgeous," Tony whispers before wincing, his eyes shut tightly as a wave of undeniable pain shoots through his entire body.

"Hi, Beautiful," you say with a soft smile, right before herding him into the exam room so you can give him some painkillers. Tony carefully takes his place on the large exam table and sinks into it with a sigh, relief washing over him now that he's home and being taken care of.

As you walk around the room to prepare the last things for the examination, Tony can't stop looking at you. He admires seeing you in your element like this, and even though he's in a great deal of pain right now, he seems to forget it for just a moment now that he's in your presence again. He may not like anything related to the medical field, but he has learned to accept it since knowing you.

"How did the mission go?" you ask Tony in a calm, steady voice, your gaze focused on the cuts on his face while you clean them. Tony's lips curl into a small smile when you're this close to him. His deep, dark brown eyes follow every movement of your face, and he loves how the tip of your tongue pokes out when you're concentrating on something.

"There were some unforeseen difficulties, but overall, it went well. Got hit a few times, though, as you can tell," he says, and you chuckle at his words. That same chuckle has Tony's heart skipping a beat each time he hears the melodic sound falling from your lips.

"I'm glad you're safe now, though. I'm glad to have my man home again," you tell him, leaning in for a soft peck on his lips. As you pull away, Tony lets his head fall back against the table, a large smile on his lips and his mind going crazy. He's deeply in love with you, and having you call him 'your man' does things he can't explain.

Once his face is patched up, it's time to move on to his torso. But before you can do that, you'll have to remove his shirt, which causes a lot of groans and winces, but he knows it has to be done.

"It's okay, Beautiful. I've got you." Tony pushes for just one more moment until his shirt is off, and you gasp when it is as you look at the damage. A dark purple bruise covers most of his ribs and part of his chest and abdomen, and there are even more cuts and minor bruises littered over the rest of his torso.

"Oh my god," you say as you inspect it, and Tony looks at you apologetically, as if he wants to say sorry for being hurt like this.

"What happened?" you ask him, your brows furrowed in concern. He exhales shakily before telling you he got his ass kicked in some hand-to-hand combat when his suit didn't work. A lump forms in your throat as you try to treat him to the best of your abilities, but it's not easy when he has multiple broken ribs - they're the reason he was clutching his arm tightly against his chest and rib cage.

"Oh, you poor thing," you whisper as you look up at him, your hand cupping his cheek again.

"I think it's better if you take it easy for a while, Beautiful. I will give you a shot to help with the healing later, but this isn't going to go away with just that," you explain, and he nods. Deep inside, he's relieved to have to slow down a bit, as his life is fast-paced enough already. He's been wanting to spend more time with you at home, and this is the perfect way to do just that.

"I love you, Tony, but this is taking a big toll on you. I don't mind taking care of you and patching you up, but I also think that you should start thinking about retiring," you tell him, and even though it hurts to have to say to him, it's the right thing to do.

"I know, Gorgeous, and you're right. The fact that I'm getting old doesn't help my case either," he says with a sad smile as you take a seat on the edge of the exam table, grabbing his hand as you do.

"I'm not saying you should retire right away, but once you do, we might finally be able to start the family we've been dreaming of," you tell your boyfriend. He looks at you with such love and admiration as you say it; it's indescribable. The feeling swirling through your chests can't be put into words, but you both know you feel the same.

"Let's start now, Gorgeous. I don't care about being Iron Man or the Avengers; I want to start a family with you. I want to grow old with you. You are all I care about," he whispers, and you're fighting back tears at his admission. A soft 'okay' leaves your lips, and Tony squeezes your hand.

"But first, I have to finish patching you up, Beautiful. Otherwise, we're not going to be able to do anything without me having to do all the work," you joke, and Tony can't help but laugh, though as soon as he starts, he also stops as he winces in pain.

"Oh god, don't make me laugh, Gorgeous," Tony says with an amused smile. The two of you sit silently for a little while, and out of nowhere, you reach up to touch the tattoo on his chest, your name proudly shown on his skin forever.

Your fingers glide over it, and you look at it until Tony grabs your wrist carefully with his free hand, bringing your fingers to his lips and kissing them softly. More specifically, he kisses the place where he has been planning to put a ring for a few years now.

"I love you, Gorgeous. I'm the luckiest man on earth with you by my side," he whispers before bringing your digits to his mouth again and placing a lingering kiss, pouring every ounce of emotion into the one gesture.

"How're you feeling, Beautiful? Are you okay?" you ask Tony as you stand in the large shower in your shared home, the water cascading down on both of you as he holds you close to his body. Soft kisses and gentle touches are shared between you both as your back is against his chest, and your breathing patterns slowly sync up.

"Yeah, I'm doing much better with you in here with me," he tells you before kissing your temple softly. You smile at his words. Seeing his injuries, you offer to help him shower, and if there's one thing he never says no to, it's bringing you in there with him.

"I'm glad I can help you to feel better," you whisper as you turn around and wrap your arms around his waist. Your head is placed gently against his shoulder as your eyes slip shut, and you finally dare to sigh in relief. There's always a certain level of worry in your body as Tony is gone for missions, and you never dare to settle down until you know he's okay and safe with you.

"I can't stop thinking about starting a family with you," Tony tells you as he lets his hands wander over your hips and sides until they're splayed out over your belly, his thumbs rubbing the soft flesh as you smile into his touches.

"Having a few little ones running around with another one on the way, God, you'll be so beautiful when you're pregnant, Gorgeous," Tony says before pulling away, turning you around, and sinking to the ground, his face at the same level as your belly.

"I can already imagine the little feet kicking inside you as they're growing and how beautiful you will be as you have a pregnancy glow," Tony tells you as he rubs your belly softly with his cheek. Your hands carefully lace into his hair and rub softly, calming him down immensely.

"What would you like it to be? A boy or a girl?" you ask your boyfriend, who smiles at your question.

"Both." His answer is short and to the point, but he's already thought about it plenty of times. He's always dreamt of having at least one girl and one boy, but he will happily accept what the universe is willing to give you both.

"What about you, Gorgeous?" he says as he carefully looks up at you, his facial hair tickling your belly.

"Both," you say with a dopey smile, and Tony smiles before peppering your belly in kisses, making you laugh as his beard and mustache keep tickling you in your ticklish areas. Eventually, Tony gets up, pulling you against his chest, your head leaning against his shoulder once more while his hands rub over your back in a soothing pattern.

Before stepping into the shower, Tony has put on some background music, and you're both swaying back and forth to it as your boyfriend gathers the courage to ask you something important. Though he's been planning on making it a special moment, he also knows there won't be another moment more right than the one you're sharing now.

"Marry me."

At first, you're not sure you heard him correctly as you pull your head back. Your gaze meets his brown eyes, a large smile on his lips, and one of his brows quirked in excitement.

"Marry me, Gorgeous," he says again, and there's no denying it this time. Tony proposed to you, and a huge smile worked its way onto your face as tears fell down your cheeks. Out of all the moments he could have possibly chosen, you're not sure why he did it now, but it's perfect.

"Yes, I will marry you, Tony," you say before standing on your tiptoes and pulling him close. Your lips crash together as the excitement takes over your bodies. Tony's fingers dig into your sides as he's impossibly trying to pull you closer, even though there's no more space between you two.

"God, I can't believe you're going to become Mrs. Stark," he says with a breathy chuckle after pulling away for some much-needed air. Tony presses his forehead against yours as he tucks some wet strands of your hair behind your ear, your eyes focused only on each other.

"I can't wait to be Mrs. Stark," you tell him, a flurry of butterflies in your stomach going wild as you say the words aloud. Future Mrs. Stark indeed has a nice ring to it.

"I love you so much, Gorgeous. I'm so lucky to have you say yes to marrying me. I've been dreaming of it for months," Tony emphasizes before capturing your lips again, not wanting to be away from your plump, soft lips for too long.

His hands wander over your bare back down to the globes of your butt, where he lets them rest for a little while, despite the slightly awkward angle of his body due to your height difference. He's always been obsessed with your butt, constantly touching it when you're together or slapping it during sex.

"I love you too, Tony," you whisper in his ear before turning off the shower and getting ready to sleep. It's not that late in the evening yet, but Tony needs his sleep to heal, and you're getting tired, too.

It doesn't take long for you both to be curled up under the covers, enjoying each other's warmth and closeness. However, Tony asked you to be the big spoon so he could be the little spoon for the first time.

"How's this?" you ask Tony as you place soft kisses between his shoulder blades. You can't reach any higher due to your significant height difference.

"Good," Tony murmurs, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as your fingers slowly lull him to sleep. They're tracing abstract patterns over his chest and around his arc reactor, and you can feel his breathing slowing down until it evens out.

"I love you, Beautiful," you whisper once Tony is asleep, and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep.

During the night, both you and your now fiancé slept like logs, and the shot you gave Tony yesterday has done an amazing job of healing him. Now, he's busy in the kitchen preparing breakfast for you while you're still curled under the warmth of the comforter of Tony's king-size bed.

Soft music plays in the kitchen while Tony scrambles a few eggs, and the smell of food brings a smile to Tony's face at the thought of surprising you with it later. While he prepares every last one of your favorite dishes, he's also preparing the tray to present to you later.

After working in the kitchen for another 30 minutes, the tray is adorned with a small bouquet of fresh flowers in a vase, the food he prepared, a steaming cup of tea, and a small, black ring box.

Now comes the real challenge for Tony—getting to the bedroom without dropping anything or scaring you. With careful steps, he makes his way over there, and much to his surprise, nothing spills or falls off, making him feel rather proud of himself.

The bedroom door is slightly ajar as he makes his way over, pushing it open further with his foot, before being greeted by you lying on your belly, the comforter halfway down your back, exposing your bare back to him, and he can't help but smile.

"G'morning, Sleepyhead," Tony says as you start waking up from the smell of fresh food. Tony is crouching next to the bed.

"How did you sleep, Gorgeous?" he asks as he wipes some hair out of your face to expose your beautiful smile and sleepy expression. His heart beats faster when he sees his future wife lying in his bed, smiling at him, and he has rarely felt this fortunate.

"Amazing, what about you?" you ask before sitting up and stretching out some of the sleep. That's when you notice the food Tony prepared. It's all there, from fresh waffles and scrambled eggs to fresh fruit and your favorite tea.

"I haven't slept this good in a long time; I think I should be the little spoon more often," Tony tells you as he gets up and reaches for something on the tray. Once his fingers are curled around it, you notice it's a small, velvety box, and your heart immediately starts to pump faster - an engagement ring.

While you look at your fiancé getting into position, you put your hand over your mouth in disbelief, as you didn't expect him to propose first thing in the morning, but here he is, going down on one knee.

"Gorgeous; from the moment I met you, I knew that your presence in my life would be one of immeasurable worth, and you have proven me more than right. From all the times you have patched me up after missions, and from all the nights we stayed up talking when one of us needed it most, they're all cherished deep within my heart," he starts, and you start tearing up as you listen to him propose.

"Before we got together, I didn't care if I lived or died, but when you asked me out on a date, I knew I had someone worth living for - someone who's worth fighting for. I knew I wanted to come home from the moment you moved in with me because you made me feel like I was home again."

You stretch out your hand, and Tony grabs it before squeezing it carefully. Soft sniffles escape as the words sink in with you. Your heart is going into overdrive, and the butterflies in your stomach are going wild, but it's more than worth it.

"Y/N Y/L/N, will you officially give me the honor of becoming the future Mrs. Stark and marrying me?" After flipping open the box, Tony asks, and you nod enthusiastically, a broken 'yes' leaving your lips before wrapping your arms around your fiancé.

He quickly sits down on the edge of the bed as you two let the tears flow freely, the breakfast he prepared long forgotten as you're basking in the glory of the moment. Tony has slipped the ring on your finger, and you can't stop looking at it from every angle.

"It's beautiful, Tony," you tell him while you look at the ring and slowly work on eating the breakfast he prepared. He constantly feeds you the fresh fruit and waffles while stealing a kiss between each bite, while he happily lets you feed some of the eggs and toast he prepared for himself, which goes paired with even more stolen kisses.

"I can't believe you went down on one knee for me first thing in the morning!" you tell him with a soft smack against his chest. He smiles before rubbing his nose against yours lovingly.

"I'm glad I did, though. I've been carrying that thing around for literal years at this point but never found the right moment. It turns out I just needed to have you take care of me for it to be the right moment," he says in a soft voice, and you feel the goosebumps rising on your neck.

"How about you let me take care of you for once?" Tony asks as he peppers a royal amount of kisses over your cheek and jaw, making you moan softly as his teeth graze over the edge of it, your nipples immediately pebbling at the feeling of it.

"Please," you whisper as you look into his eyes, lust visible in them. Before you know it, Tony has put the tray on the floor, and the comforter pulled off your body, revealing your entirely bare body to him. He gets comfortable between your legs after you've spread them, and his mouth descends on your neck and collarbone, sucking soft bruises into the skin.

Your fingers are laced in his hair as he takes his time marking you up, his hips rutting his cock against your soft, dripping pussy as he does. Soft moans tumble from your lips as you tug on his hair, and the feeling of his lips and tongue, together with his facial hair, is driving you insane as he takes his time.

"D-Daddy," you whine as his tip gets caught on your sensitive clit, and he smiles against your skin before lifting his head and meeting your gaze. Your eyes are already half-lidded, and your lip is raw from all the biting, but Tony has never seen a more beautiful sight.

"What is it, Sweet Mama? Are you gettin' a little impatient?" he asks teasingly, and you nod shyly.

"Want you inside me, Daddy," you tell him, and he's never been able to say no when you ask him so nicely. He reaches down to guide himself to your entrance; his gaze focused on your expression as he slides in his long, thick cock.

You spread your legs a little more to accommodate every last inch of him, and you both moan in unison as he bottoms out. You instantly clench down on his cock, and he kisses you softly as you get adjust to him being inside you again.

"You're taking me so well, Gorgeous. Você é uma garota tão boa," he whispers in your ear. Your cheeks heat up as you hear him calling you a good girl in Portuguese. Before you met Tony you spent a few years in Brazil, and you have taught him quite a bit of Portuguese for his mission, but you didn’t teach him that, but goosebumps crawl across your skin as you smile at his words.

After Tony called you that, you clench around him even harder, making Tony bury his face in your neck. In a bold moment, you surprise Tony by landing a loud, hard smack on his ass, and the jerk of his body only drives his cock even deeper into you.

"So tight, Babygirl, 's so fucking tight around my cock, can feel you milkin' me already," he groans, and he sets a slow pace once you're finally allowing him to move. Every inch of his thick, veiny cock feels like heaven as he takes his time, and you let your head sinks into the soft pillows as you look at your fiancé.

"I love you so much," he says as he lets his hand glide over your arm until he reaches the hand with the engagement ring on it. He brings the ring to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it. His eyes are locked onto yours as he does, and you feel the butterflies in your stomach go wild.

"I love you too, Tony," you say before pulling him down for a deep, passionate kiss. His fingers interlace with yours as he keeps building your high. The atmosphere in your bedroom is still cozy from the night, and with Tony's comfortable, slow pace, you can feel yourself almost slipping into a drowsy state.

"I want you to cum for me, Gorgeous, I'm so close to filling you up," Tony whispers as he noses along your jaw, and your back arches into him at the words, your senses on high alert as you're getting ready to fall over the edge. Out of nowhere, he also grabs your other hand, pinning them both above your head as he picks up the pace, chasing both your highs.

"God, keep milkin' me, Babygirl, milk Daddy's cock like a good fuckin' girl," he growls, and before you know it, you're both falling over the edge simultaneously. He keeps working you both through your orgasms, and when you're both finished, he pulls out before pulling you against his chest as he falls to the side.

You're both panting as you let your head rest on his chest, your fingers gliding over your name on his chest again.

"I would love to add even more names to your tattoo. I think it's also the perfect spot to add our children's names," you say dreamily as you think about having a few little ones running around in the future.

"I thought so too, Gorgeous," Tony says, and it's the last thing you know before letting your eyes slip shut, and sleep quickly takes over. The rest of the day, neither of you leaves the bed as you make love for hours, never getting enough of one another.

Today marks the first day of the rest of your lives together, and you can't wait to see what the future has in store for you both.

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guiltyasdave · 1 year ago

Text

still bejeweled

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

word count: ~4.4k

summary: after breaking up with your boyfriend, your self-esteem is crushed. your best friend takes you to your favorite bar to take your mind off of things. there's a band is playing there tonight and the singer immediately catches your eye. inspired by taylor swift's bejeweled – and when i meet the band, they ask, 'do you have a man?', i could still say, 'i don't remember'

tags/warnings: explicit smut, only 18+, no/pre-outbreak au, no sarah, musician!joel, small age gap (reader is in her late 20s, joel's in his mid 30s), alcohol consumption, joel pulls her hair, able-bodied reader, a bit of angst, fluff, making out, fingering, dirty talk (joel talks you through it, i just know it), praise kink, unprotected p in v (i just didn't feel like mentioning it, this is my fantasy world where pregnancies & sti's don't exist, but they very much exist in the real world, don't do this), joel has a big dick (it's canon), consent king joel, rough sex, ass-slapping, hair-pulling, please let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: this came to me while making breakfast and listening to taylor, and didn't want to leave my head again. pretty self indulgent, i'm fairly certain that a musician!joel in my life would fix me. also, to boyfriends everywhere: fuck you <3

• dividers by the lovely @saradika!

• find my full masterlist here!

You storm out of the apartment, fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill over. This is it for good, you tell yourself. It's not the first fight of the sort that you and your boyfriend Max – now ex-boyfriend, you guess – have gotten into, with you usually backing down eventually, to keep the peace between the two of you. You've been together for more than three years, and you had hoped that this might be the one – the guy that you can settle down with, the one that you've been waiting for.

But over the past few months, Max has gotten more distant, less involved in the relationship, less interested in you, making you feel like you're burdening him, like you're always asking for too much. Like you are too much. You had asked several times if something was bothering him, something that you could work through together. Everything's fine babe, I don't know why you're even asking. Stop getting on my nerves with this.

You scoff to yourself. Usually, this was the point where you would step back from the argument, not willing to invest energy in a fight that wouldn't lead to anything anyway. Maybe things weren't perfect with Max, but they were what you knew. Familiar, comfortable. Better than being alone. Maybe not the big love that books and movies told you about, but who knows if that sort of thing even exists.

But today, when he just wouldn't give a shit about anything you said, something inside of you had snapped. “I feel like you don't even love me anymore. Do you?!” you had demanded, and the look on his face had told you everything that you needed to know.

That's how you find yourself on the street in front of your best friend's place, the short walk having somewhat cleared your head. Who does Max even think he is? It's not too much to ask to care about your partner, to show interest in them, to support them, is it? And he hasn't done any of that in quite some time.

All things considered, he just wasn't that great of a boyfriend. Still, you can't help feeling sad about it. Another relationship failed, another guy that just didn't deem you as good enough to pay attention to you. Maybe you're just not that interesting, a voice in your head whispers. You sniffle and shake your head, willing the thought out of your mind.

Your best friend Amanda greets you at her door, immediately clocking your slumped shoulders and reddened eyes, and hugs you tightly while leading you into her living room. Her concern for you elicits another wave of tears and you shakily recap today's events to her. She listens patiently, thankfully not telling you that you're better off without him or something like that, because even though you know that yourself, you don't think you could bear someone else saying it.

“I just can't believe that I'm single again and need to start over once more and I just-,” you bite your lip, willing away the tears that are pooling in your eyes, “I just feel like I'm not enough, like I can't keep a guy or I'm too picky, I don't know. It's just so frustrating, I don't wanna end up alone.”

Amanda's expression softens and she pulls you into her arms again. “You're not gonna end up alone, I promise you. You're funny and smart and,” she looks you up and down, “fucking hot. But you can't settle for less just because you're scared of ending up alone, okay? You're gonna find the guy that's right for you and then it will all make sense. Promise.”

You sigh, not sure if you believe her but also not in the mood to argue. After more talking, during which she eventually slips a glass of wine into your hand, Amanda decides that the two of you should go out tonight. Blow off some steam, show the world and yourself that you've still got it, as she puts it. You're honestly not sure if you've ever had it to begin with, but you let her enthusiasm wash over you, playing along as she insists that you wear one of her skimpiest dresses and starts doing your make up. You feel a little self-conscious with the tiny black dress that she has put you in and the dramatic red lipstick that she's currently applying to your lips.

“Don't look at me like that. You look so good and you'd know that if that fucker hadn't made you feel like you didn't for the past few months. But you've been too good of a girl for far too long now, and we're gonna change that tonight. Deal?” She expectantly holds her hand out for you to shake and you feel the excitement starting to bubble up in you. Maybe she's right and you do need to let go of your insecurities tonight. You shake her hand and she laughs delightedly, causing you to giggle as well.

Amanda finally declares that you're good to go, digging a sparkly handbag that's covered in tiny silvery jewels out of her closet. That one's actually yours, but you had left it at her place a few weeks ago after Max had told you how it was just too much and how you looked ridiculous with it. You had let it slide, thinking that it wasn't worth it to ruin the evening by fighting over a stupid handbag. What was wrong with you, you think to yourself now.

You look at yourself in her full-length mirror and you have to agree, you do look good. The short dress leaves most of your thighs bare, hugging your curves in all the right ways and the lipstick looks amazing, drawing the focus to the shape of your mouth. You do polish up real nice.

Amanda's boyfriend Patricks whistles appreciatively when you both exit from the bedroom and wishes you loads of fun. That's what a boyfriend should be like, you think to yourself. Supportive, loving, and just... kind?

Amanda drags you to one of your favorite bars. You've been here countless times together; usually it's a good crowd and the drinks are cheap. It's live music night, you realize as you walk in and notice the small stage at the far end of the room, which also explains why it's more crowded than usual. You push through a few people and manage to find two seats at the bar, from where you can watch the stage and hear the music, but it isn't too loud to talk.

The bartender comes up to you and Amanda orders tequila shots before you can even open your mouth. “I would've stuck to wine,” you complain to her and she shrugs, a big grin on her our face.

“That wouldn't be half as fun. We're going all out tonight, remember?”

You roll your eyes and nod, but when you down the first shot and bite down on the lime, you can't help the laugh that bubbles up in your throat. “That's my girl!” Amanda giggles and promptly orders another round. After two more shots and feeling the tingling warmth that's spreading through your body, you let your eyes wander around the room until they find the stage.

It's mostly local bands that play here, some better than others, and tonight's isn't half bad. It's four guys, a little older than you, mid-thirties if you had to guess, and their music has an acoustic, country-ish vibe to it. Your eyes linger on the man in the front, who is softly singing into the microphone while strumming along on his guitar.

He's kinda hot, you muse to yourself, gaze trained on the way his muscles are softly flexing while he's plucking on the guitar strings with his large hands, the sleeves of his dark t-shirt straining against his arms. His deep voice is washing over you, reminding you of whiskey and honey, and you squint a little to take a closer look at his face. He has a strong jaw and pouty lips, and dark, expressive eyes that gaze into the room while he's singing. You can't explain it, but something about him just feels... warm. Like he's safe. Kind.

He has a scruffy beard and messy curls, giving him a sort of rugged look, that, combined with his incredibly broad shoulders, has you biting your lip subconsciously. How easily he could cage you in, how big and warm his hands would feel on your body...

Damn, he's really hot. And you really feel the tequila talking right now.

Amanda's fingers appear in your field of vision, snapping impatiently and you turn back to her, heat crawling up your cheeks. You might have been staring a bit too obviously. “Which one?” she grins.

“Huh?” you ask, rather poorly feigning innocence.

“Oh, come on! Okay, I'll guess,” she continues on, not giving you a chance to even try to deny anything, “it's the singer, right?”

“I-,” you start, but the look on her face tells you that it's already a lost cause, “yeah.”

She laughs delightedly and gestures to the bartender for another round of shots. “Oh, I don't think-,” you try to object, but she shushes you.

“I won't rest until you've made a move on that guy, good choice dare I say, and live a little. So drink up!” She toasts to you and you can't help laughing yourself before you tip your head back and swallow the burning alcohol in one go.

You steal another glance towards the stage – maybe a rather extended glance in all honesty – and catch the singer's eye. He holds your gaze for a few seconds, then he lets his eyes wander around the room, before returning to you, his lips curling into a knowing smirk when you're still looking at him.

You hastily tear yourself away, leaning into Amanda in an attempt of hiding how flustered you're suddenly feeling. “That was fucking hot,” she breathes into your ear.

“I know,” you whisper back urgently. Then the insecurity kicks back in. “Do you think he really meant me? I mean, we're all the way in the back here, I bet he can barely see-”

Amanda swats at your arm, shaking her head. “Please, he totally meant you. You're gonna talk to him later, you hear me?”

You groan, “Oh my god,” and lean into her further. “I'm not cut out for all this, I wouldn't even know what to say.” She tsks at you and orders another round of drinks, not taking No for an answer.

You loosen up a little over time, throwing a few more glances towards the stage and delight in the way he always seems to just wait for you to look at him. When you've made eye contact several times, he winks at you and you can't help but giggle, a kind of warmth spreading through you that has nothing to do with the alcohol. A wide grin stretches across his face as he announces the last song for the night. You give up all pretenses, your eyes basically glued to him until he strums his guitar one last time, then thanks the audience and joins his bandmates as they wander off the stage.

The bands usually pack up, then join the bar's patrons for a few beers. You try not to appear totally desperate and refrain from staring at the door that leads backstage, instead busying yourself with your drink and listening to Amanda, when you feel someone sliding to the bar counter behind you and a hand lands to rest on your shoulder. A very big, very warm hand, you come to notice, before a deep, honeyed voice floats into your ear, causing you to turn around.

“Hi. Can I buy you a drink?”

He seems even bigger up close, and even more handsome, and your lips part slightly, taking him in. You take a beat too long to answer, just sinking into his deep brown eyes, and a grin slowly spreads across his face. “I'm Joel, by the way.” He extends a hand for you to shake and you blink, shaking yourself out of your staring, quickly taking his hand and offering your own name.

His hand dwarfs yours, enveloping it in his warmth and you feel yourself blush. This is the moment, you tell yourself. “I'd love a drink,” you smile at him and he flags down the bartender to take your order. You steal a glance at Amanda, who's nodding enthusiastically.

“So...” Joel drawls when you have your drink, still standing so close to you that you're almost touching, with a smirk playing around the corner of his mouth, “do you have a man, or-?”

Your thoughts briefly flicker to Max, but you find that you can barely remember how devastated you felt mere hours ago, that you can hardly recall his face right now. “No... no, I don't.”

“She most certainly does not, she's all yours,” Amanda chimes in, leaning around you and beaming at Joel.

You can't help but giggle at the entire situation, pleasantly buzzing with both the alcohol in your system and the feeling of having Joel in your direct proximity, and finding him more attractive with every minute that you look at him.

“I really liked your performance,” you tell him and his grin widens.

“Yeah? I could tell, sweetheart.” You laugh; the pet name has your heart soaring in your chest, but you feel completely relaxed with him, not awkward, not desperate to please him or keep his interest. You just feel... good. Really, really good.

Talking to him is easy. He makes you laugh, makes you feel comfortable, and your cheeks almost hurt from smiling so much, but you can't stop. He's constantly touching you, his hand lingering on your shoulder, your arm, sliding down to your waist, and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

When he pulls at your hips to pull you off your bar stool, you quickly follow his lead, letting him sway you around to the music that's now playing from the juke box, giggling the entire time. You feel like a teenager, but you couldn't care less. You're tipsy, you're happy, the easily most attractive man that you've ever met seems to be more than interested in you – you feel amazing.

Joel's hand comes up to cup your face, his calloused fingertips brushing over your cheek and you lean into his touch. His eyes flick down to your lips and your breath stutters in your chest. Your arms wrap around his neck at the same time that he leans in until his mouth meets yours, your lips eagerly opening against his.

A pleased hum is rumbling up in his chest and both of his hands grab at your hips, pulling your body flush against him as his tongue licks into your mouth. Your hands burrow into the messy curls at his neck and you all but whimper against his lips. You feel his mouth curl into a smile before he pulls away, the look in his eyes a little dazed, mirroring your own.

“You you wanna come home with me?” he asks quietly, “I live right around the corner.”

There's no need to even think about it, you want this man desperately. You quickly check on Amanda, who waves you off with a shit-eating grin and some rather crude words of encouragement.

You swing your glittery purse over your shoulder and Joel whistles lowly. “That's fancy. I like it.”

Your eyes widen slightly. “You do?”

“Yeah. Suits you.” A wide smile is spreading across your face and, without a second thought, you grab his hand to pull him out of the bar.

He really lives close nearby and you're stumbling through a dark hallway barely five minutes later. Joel has his hands on your hips and his lips on your mouth, kissing you roughly as he leads you into what you presume is the direction of his bedroom. He kicks the bedroom door shut behind you and crowds you up against the wood, his hands grabbing at your sides, pulling at the dress, revealing more skin to his touch.

The room is dimly lit, yellow light from the street below filtering in through the windows, and his eyes roam over you. “Fuck, you're so hot,” he growls and captures your mouth in another searing kiss, his hand coming up to palm at your breasts, roughly squeezing the flesh and running his thumb over your nipple through the fabric. You mewl into his mouth and he pulls back breathlessly. “You're an eager little thing, aren't you?” he murmurs and you arch your back, trying to press yourself back into his touch.

“Please, Joel,” you whimper and he chuckles before diving back in, his tongue hot in your mouth and his fingers creeping under your dress, toying with the hem of your underwear.

He pulls it aside, his fingers grazing your already soaked folds and you buck your hips into his touch. He slides your dress up higher until his hand comes to rest on your bare hip and he searches your face.

“You're feeling good? You want this?”

You nod eagerly and he tuts softly. “Gotta let me hear it, sweetheart.”

You bite your lip, his respectfulness paired with the dark look in his eyes spurring your arousal on even further. “I want it, please.”

“Good girl, so polite too,” he murmurs and your legs almost buckle underneath you. His hand travels back between your legs, grabbing at your underwear and quickly pulling it off of you, before his fingers are back, sliding through your wetness and circling your clit slowly.

“Fuck, you're dripping. So good for me, all eager and ready, huh?”

The whine that comes out of you sounds faintly like a “yes” and he presses another kiss to your lips, before he thrusts two fingers into you, stretching you deliciously.

“Fucking tight,” he murmurs against your mouth, his voice sounding wrecked already. He sets a languid pace, pausing every so often to curl his fingers deep within you, hitting that spongy spot that has your legs shaking and your hands grabbing at his shoulders as high-pitched whines fall out of your mouth.

You can see the pleased smirk on his face as you're falling apart on just his fingers. His other hand travels up to the straps of your dress, pulling them down and revealing your breasts to him.

His lips suck on the newly exposed flesh and you hear him mutter, “so fucking pretty” against your skin. His mouth travels to your nipple, flicking his tongue over the hardened bud, while his fingers keep thrusting and curling inside of you.

Heat is boiling in your abdomen, licking at your spine and you can almost taste your orgasm already. “Joel, I'm gonna- please don't stop, please,” you manage to breathe out.

“You're gonna come on my fingers, pretty girl?” he asks, before sucking your nipple back into his mouth. “Go ahead, let me feel it.” His thumb starts to toy with your clit in quick, precise circles, and you gasp. The heat spreads through your entire body as your orgasm takes hold of you, your toes curling and your legs shaking while you pulse wildly around his fingers.

“Good girl, you look so pretty when you come,” Joel whispers, trailing kisses from your breasts up to your neck as you slowly come down from your high.

Joel maneuvers you to his bed, supporting your weight and gently setting you down until you're sprawled out on the covers. You can still feel the aftershocks from your orgasm, but your want for him is coursing through you like a wildfire and you eagerly stretch your arms out for him.

He chuckles, mumbling something about you being insatiable and quickly pulls his shirt over his head, revealing golden skin and a body that's obviously strong and muscular, but he still has a softness to him.

You sit back up and scoot closer, your hands flying to his beltbuckle as you press kisses against his belly, reveling in the way his breath hitches and his muscles are twitching under your mouth.

You tilt your head up, silently asking for permission as you tug on his pants and he nods, smiling down at you. You pull his pants and underwear down in one go, desperate to see all of him, and you can't help the soft gasp that escapes your mouth at the sight before you.

He's fucking big, and you should probably worry about fitting all of him inside of you, but instead the fire in your abdomen is flaring up again and you subconsciously press your thighs together.

Joel leans down to you, pulling your already bunched up dress over your head and leaving you just as bare as he is.

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” he smirks.

“I- yeah,” you nod, shyly smiling up at him and he pecks your lips.

“Me too.”

He crowds you in, his broad body looming over yours as you lay back down on the bed and his fingers find their way in between your legs again. He grazes your clit, then swirls a finger through your wetness, spreading it on your inner thighs, and your hips buck up into his touch, causing him to chuckle.

“Impatient little thing.”

You can barely form a coherent thought, you're desperate to feel his cock inside of you and you eagerly part your legs when he situates his body between them. He grabs at your thigh, spreading you open even wider, before landing a playful slap against the backside. An almost embarrassingly loud moan escapes you and Joel's smirk turns downright feral.

“You liked that, sweetheart? You like it when I'm a little rough with you?”

He's grinding his hips against you, sliding his cock through your wetness, the tip almost catching at your entrance. You're past the point of caring, nodding mindlessly, you just want him inside of you.

“Fuck, yes, please Joel, please.”

“Should've known,” he mumbles, “it's always the quiet ones. Actin' all shy, but you need it bad, don't you? Gonna fuck you so good, take such good care of you, don't you worry.”

You whimper, your breath catching in your throat when he lines his cock up with your center, his tip already parting your walls, but he stops himself again. “Tell me once more, sweetheart. You still good, still want this?”

“Yes Joel, fuck, I want it,” you whine. The words have barely left your mouth when he slams into you, filling you to the brim. You cry out at the sudden intrusion, your walls fluttering around his length, trying to accommodate him as he's splitting you open. The stretch is intense, bordering on painful, but you still feel yourself getting wetter around him, pain turning into pleasure as he stills inside of you for a few moments to let you adjust.

“Goddamn it, you're tight, you're taking me so good, such a good fuckin' girl.”

His mouth is close to your ear, muttering filth to you with his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin on your neck. Another loud moan falls from your mouth at his words and you clench around his cock that's still buried deep inside of you, causing him to groan.

“Yeah you like that, wanna be a good girl for me, don't you?”

You nod breathlessly and he pulls out almost entirely before slamming back into you, setting a brutal rhythm that's forcing moans from your throat and has you wildly clenching around him. One of his hands is playing with your nipples again, pinching and pulling at your delicate flesh and sending delicious sparks of pleasure straight to your core while he's still fucking you deeply. It's incredible, already easily the best you've ever had, but you still want more, want him deeper.

“Oh my god, p-please Joel,” you stutter.

“Please what?”

“H-harder, please.” He growls at that, pulling himself out of you and flipping you around until you're on your knees, presenting your ass to him. He presses his cock back into you, knocking the air out of your lungs, and his hand connects with the skin on your ass cheek in a harsh slap.

“Knew you were a filthy little thing, fuck, just waitin' around for someone to give it to you hard, huh?” he growls. The way he's talking to you is going straight to your core and you feel a second high approaching rapidly.

His hand tangles in your hair, making a fist and pulling until you're arching your back, slightly changing the angle and letting him hit a spot inside of you that absolutely devastates you. There's stars dancing across your eyes, your thighs are quivering and your walls are pulsing rhythmically.

“Not someone, just- just for you,” you moan out, shuddering around him as another orgasm washes over you, your vision swimming and you're clamping down on him.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Joel mutters, his hands grabbing your hips roughly and holding onto you with strong hands as he stills his movements and spills himself deep inside of you.

You feel almost delirious as Joel hugs you tightly to his body, kissing you deeply before he gently lays you down on the bed. He cleans you up, gets you a glass of water and covers you with a thick blanket before he slides into bed beside you.

His arm wraps around your middle and he pulls you closer against his chest, engulfing you in his warmth and peppering your bare neck and shoulders with kisses. You nuzzle into him, your eyes falling shut as you relax under his soft touches. You can't remember the last time you felt this good. Protected, cared for, happy.

“Sweetheart?” Joel's voice sounds from behind you and you give a little hum. “I know this started out like a one night thing, but-” he pauses, almost sounding a little shy, “promise me that you won't just vanish in the morning, okay?” You smile and crane your head to press your lips against his once more.

“I promise.”

a/n #2: ...yeah, this would definitely fix me. shout out to the real life amanda for being an amazing friend and the best hype woman, thank you for yelling about pedro with me 24/7. also shout out to the real life patrick for being an amazing boyfriend and providing us with insights about the male sexual experience lol. thank you guys for being the best adoptive parents to my third-wheeling single ass. <3

thank you so much for reading! if you liked this, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment!

#janaispunk #janas fics #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #the last of us hbo #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #the last of us fic #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedrostories

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multifandomgirl08 · 11 months ago

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Rose gold chains, ripped lace - D.R. #3

Sugar Daddy!Daniel Ricciardo x Fem!Reader

Warning(s): 18+, implied sexual content (Putting this in here as a precaution), spending excessive amounts of money, Age Gap (Reader is in her 20s, Daniel is in his early 30s), leaving the morning after

A/N: This time it's from Daniel's POV. It's a continuation from Headcanon Three, but a little deeper into what Daniel is thinking about while all this is happening. I promise this will have a happy ending, eventually.

Words: 1.5k

→ Next Part Daniel's POV | Reader's POV The Arrangement Masterlist

Daniel had made his peace about his time at McLaren, it hadn't been good for him so much so that he ended up firing his manager and losing Michael as a friend. Then just before the announcement of his contract coming to an end happened, you had come into his life.

It felt like after so long there was someone who prioritized him as much as he prioritized others.

He had been careful that first year because he didn't want to lose what he felt like he had with you. He never pushed you, and as he felt his feelings grow he knew he couldn't keep this up forever.

He had fallen for you, hard. And he didn't feel like he could tell anyone about it.

Scotty knew him too well, and after that dinner had asked Daniel how long you had been together and why he was only meeting you now. Daniel had been vague in his answer, said that it had only been a year and he wanted to make sure that it would last this time. He was sick of jumping into something only for it to fall apart.

He didn’t want to tell his best mate that he had fallen in love with the woman he was paying to spend time with him. It would be too messy and Scotty wouldn’t understand.

So Daniel ended up talking to Christian about the possibility of being the 3rd driver for Red Bull. He knew he wouldn’t be racing but he would be back around the guys and doing media. While Daniel was away he still made sure to text you, send you flowers, and the times when he didn’t have media duties, he would find a way to spend time with you.

He told himself that it was for the best, you wouldn't think that anything had changed between the two of you.

Sitting in your new apartment with you made him feel like he wanted to have this all the time. It felt like he finally knew what it was like to have someone to come home to.

While he was away he started to pick out gifts that were a little bit bolder than jewelry, handbags, and flowers. He started small with shoes, getting you a pair of Louboutins in your size.

Months after that the boxes that arrived at your door got bigger, always with a handwritten note from him.

There was a big event going on in Monaco with some of the drivers, Daniel had invited you and when you said that you could come he was ecstatic.

He had booked a hotel room just outside of Monte Carlo for you, and on your first day there took you shopping for a dress to wear to the event.

The whole night that you were together, you didn't make it seem that you didn't fit in with everyone in the room. You were polite to everyone, and extra polite to all of the servers.

Spending the evening in Monaco with you had been everything Daniel wanted it to be. You danced, ate, and drank the night away together. Daniel's town car took you back to your hotel before you invited him up to your hotel room.

Daniel didn't want to think anything of it at first, from the moment he saw you in that dress all he could think about was what it would be like to finally take things further.

The little fleeting touches you always shared were no longer enough. You gave him a drink and ended up talking for a while, and he just watched you. Saw the way that you walked around the luxury hotel room with ease.

You went to change out of the dress and heels and Daniel stayed on the couch taking deep breaths and talking himself out of his thoughts.

Don't do it, mate, you're paying her to spend time with you. It wouldn't be right. He thought before he heard the door to the adjoining bedroom open. There you stood in a black nightgown that he probably bought you, he had seen the La Perla charge on his credit card a week before the trip. $900 dollars well spent if you asked him. It was a damn shame that he couldn't take it off you.

"Want another beer?" You asked walking over to the couch.

He just shook his head no. He had barely drank from the bottle that was on the coffee table.

You had poured yourself a glass of Champagne that had been complementary to the room before putting your feet on Daniel's lap. He couldn't help but feel awkward around you, normally he could be pretty smooth with women. Even as he joked with you you would laugh at what he was saying his eyes kept traveling to your legs or your lips as you talked.

Feeling your hand on his thigh made his mind snap out of whatever he was thinking about. He wanted to ask you what you were doing before he saw a small smirk spread over your lips.

When your lips met, Daniel knew he had officially stopped thinking. He knows this song and dance. His hands go to your thighs, pulling at the fabric of the nightgown as you grind into his dress pants.

His lips fall to your neck, leaving kisses and bruises that your Dior makeup wouldn't fully cover the next morning.

Daniel's white button-up shirt ends up on the floor just outside of your bedroom. He pulls the dress off you before you let out a laugh when you land on the mattress. He'd never heard a more perfect sound in all his life.

"Look at my fucking girl." He praises you as you lay on the bed, him kissing up your neck before tearing your underwear in two. The scraps of fabric were eventually discarded onto the floor.

He has to have you, he's tired of waiting. As you dig your fingers into his shoulders he can tell you are too. He wants to know how much. How long have you wanted him? Since the moment you met? Since he flew you to Italy?

"Daniel," You purr into his ear.

Everything after that moment is a haze, the white sheets against your skin, him telling you how good you are for him. Daniel had never spent that much time touching, caressing, and taking his time with one woman in his life.

By the time he had pulled away from you, he wasn't sure if he would be able to let you go in the morning. His eyes felt heavy as he lay back against the pillows. Daniel felt you settle in the bed against his side. The light press of your hand against his chest made it easy for him to drift off.

Daniel ends up waking up a few hours later. The sun peeks in through the window. He looks at you still asleep, the sheets pooled around you both.

He shouldn't have slept with you. It wasn't right. He had done the one thing he swore to himself that he wouldn’t. He had taken advantage of you.

He moved to get out of bed and immediately looked for his underwear. He found them thrown half hazard by the dresser, he picked them up to put on before he was eye line with a tray that held your jewelry, all pieces that he bought you. He looked back at you, seeing a pair of Cartier earrings peaking through the strands of your hair, with a thin rose-gold chain around your neck.

Sure, he was in love with you. How your laugh sounded, the delicate feel of your hand holding his, how your eyes sparkled in candlelight. The feeling of home that he got walking into your apartment that he only felt when he was on the farm in Perth.

He saw you shift in the sheets, letting out a small groan in discontent as you settled yourself further into the pillow that he slept on. God, were you cute.

He let his eyes start to scan around the room looking for a notepad or something close. He couldn't be here when you woke up. He couldn't hear that you regretted last night.

He would leave you a note, and then call you once you were back home, without him accompanying you back to your apartment like he originally planned.

He redressed in his clothes from last night. He looked everywhere and couldn't find his white dress shirt anywhere in the room. If you found it somewhere, he could get it from you, if you ever wanted to talk to him again.

He moved to walk out of the room but stopped momentarily hearing, "Daniel?" Slip from your lips. He took a deep breath and then opened the door leaving you alone in bed.

God, did he fuck this up. Why had he let himself give in? He knew better.

Taglist: @hc-dutch, @taylorslovesswifties13, @cixrosie

#SD!Danny Ric Series #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo x reader #dr3 x reader #dr3 imagine

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 6 months ago

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Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Bonus Drabble 5

Summary: Jungkook has treated you like a princess all day for your birthday and it's all lead up to this very special moment (a little glimpse into their future 🤭) Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 1.5k~ Warning: Honestly no warnings I think. Just some cute fluff and some suggestive language. Nothing crazy (written very quickly but I hope you guys still like it!) Requested by: 🧜‍♀️ anon 💜 (Happy Late Birthday my love) & another anon from a while back 💜 (sorry I didn't get it out till now 🥺) Start from the beginning

"Can I open my eyes now?" I ask, humoring him in this silly game that he's made of my birthday today.

"Not yet, just a little closer" he say, guiding me by my hips and I soon feel the ground change from some sort of pavement to that of a stonework pathway. "Careful" he warns as I stumble when my foot gets caught on a rock. "I wouldn't have to be careful if I didn't have to keep my eyes closed" I grumble and he laughs before bringing me to a halt.

I feel him walk around me until he's standing right in front of me and tilts my head up towards him. "You and I both know you would've tripped on that rock anyways" he whispers against my lips causing me to shudder. The intensity of his words and actions mixed with the cool crisp air in this open area giving me goosebumps.

He places a chased kiss on my pouted lips that try to respond to his but he's pulling back before I can even try to deepen it. "Okay, you can open them" he say, now standing behind me and I once I open my eye my breath is instantly taken away.

"Jungkook" I whisper, a recreation of a beautiful white gazebo covered in twinkling lights and vines full of white roses accompanied by a table for two is the scene I'm met with. The warm glow scatters across the pathway as he ushers me closer. I turn around to face him once we've taken a closer look and I can see how nervous he looks after having revealed his hard work he had put together for the night.

"You remembered" I say, blinking back the tears that I feel are no doubt making my eyes gloss over. "Did I do a good job?" he asks while he rubs the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his that always makes this strong confident man turn into a shy teenage boy, melting my heart and making me fall in love with him all over again.

"It's perfect!" I say, going on my tippy toes and kissing him, hints of how I'll show my appreciation to him when we're alone again lightly laced through it.

"It's almost as if we're in the actual movie!" I say, walking inside of the gazebo and admiring how much attention to detail he's put into this. "No wonder we've been watching A Cinderella Story so often" I say, now connecting the dots and finally figuring out why he had been so sneaky recently.

"What? Can't a man just simply like a movie?" he playfully scoffs, walking closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me close. "Thank you" I say and he hums in response. "Happy Birthday Darling" he replies, leaning down and rubbing his nose against mine.

He pulls back and waves someone forward that had been hiding in the shadows and when I turn around I realize he's somehow managed to get a stringed quartette for the night. "Jungkook this is too much" I say, knowing that stuff like this definetly isn't cheap.

"Don't worry, I only booked them for half an hour" he says making me laugh at his ways of trying to explain away how much he's spent on me the entire day as he's bought me almost everything I've so much glanced at, even when I asked him not to.

I turn around and take a couple steps closer to the table and see the candles just waiting to be lit accompanied by my drink of choice on ice.

"You-" I start off, turning around to face him but notice he's holding a white gift box wrapped with a white satin bow. "Jungkook" I scold, remembering how I told him to stop buying things for me already. "This is the last thing I promise" he says and I give him a warning glance before tugging on the ribbon and opening the lid and what I see inside really makes me want to cry this time.

"I don't deserve all this" I say, tears welling up in my eyes and he panics and places the box on the table. "Please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry" he says, pulling me closer and placing a kiss on the crown of my head.

"You've been treating me like a princess this whole day and then you not only do that but then plan all of this as well? Even down to the smallest details" I say, pulling away from him and reaching back into the box to pull out the beautifully, intricately designed pure white masquerade mask.

"Well I did want to give you your own Cinderella Story for your birthday since I know it's your comfort movie. You do deserve this darling, and so much more" he say, wiping a stray tear off my cheek. "You even had us get breakfast at a diner this morning too" I chuckle and he does so right along with me.

"What's wrong with that? Sam worked at a dinner in the movie right?" he asks and I nod my head in confirmation. "I should've known something was up when I saw roller skates" I say, joining along in his laughter.

"You're just lucky I didn't try to get Hillary Duff over here to take your order" he teases poking me in the side which gains him a wack in the arm that he so dramatically responds to by faking a wince. "I would've preferred Jennifer Coolidge. She was so mean to Sam in that movie I would've loved to see her slip and fall in roller skates again" I wink and he continues laughing at my devious words.

"You know she's like 60 years old now right? She could fall and break her hip" he says and I wave him off. "She's 62, she's not that old. If you're talking like that about her then you better start counting your years grandpa" I say patting him twice on the same bicep I hit earlier.

"You're a little trouble maker you know you" he says, and tries to corner me. "Yes, yes I do. Don't get ahead of yourself though Daddy, we have company" I say, nodding towards the four who have been giving us a backing track to our nonsensical interaction.

"Careful Bunny, you shouldn't be throwing words like that out in the open. I'm not opposed to bending you over that little table" he threatens and I visibly gulp, having forgotten exactly who I'm dealing with. "You know" I squeak out before clearing my throat, "You know you still haven't asked me to dance" I say and he smirks and steps back, giving me some breathing room and grabs the mask.

"May I" he asks, holding it up so he can put it on me and I respond by turning my back to him so he can tie it. Once he's done his hands trail down my body and rest on my waist while he leans in and places some feather light kisses along my neck.

"Jungkook" I breathe out, trying but failing at adding a sterner tone to it. "Yes darling?" he asks, running his nose along the column of my neck. "A dance, just a dance" I say regrettably, lost in the feeling of him touching me like this but too embarrassed to let any of this go any further.

He sighs against my skin before placing one more kiss this time under my ear and then twirling me around before dipping me into a low heated kiss.

He stands back up and steadies me on my feet, still feeling a little woozy from the unexpected motion. He laughs and keeps a hold of my waist so I don't stumble before pulling me close and into that dance that I had mentioned.

"You still didn't ask me" I grumble and he chuckles before pulling away, doing exactly as Austin Ames had done with his princely bow. "May I have this dance?" he questions and I wait a moment as if contemplating it and when he cocks his brow at me I immediately take his hand and he whisks me off my feet and twirls us about the small space.

"Jungkook put me down!" I giggle and he slow his turns to a stop and places me back on my feet. "Are you trying to make me sick or something?" I ask in reference to all of the dipping and twirling and his casual efforts that just continue to take my breath away.

"Not unless it's lovesick" he chuckles, placing a kiss on my forever pouted lips and walking over to pull out my chair.

We continue the night with a candle lit dinner and his continued efforts to make me laugh and it's at that moment that I truly, with my entire heart hope that we will spend the rest of our lives together...

And maybe in the next one too if he's lucky.

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Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @coralmusicblaze @whoa-jo @00frenchfries00 @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater Taglist continued in reblogs on my second blog @ahgasegotarmy116recs

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chanandlersstuff · 8 months ago

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Bubble and Moose, pt 2.

Pairing: Hayden Christensen x Reader.

Summary: The timeline of how Hayden gradually fell in love with her until he was madly in love, to the point of no returning.

Word count: 13.036

Warnings: Not much actually, age-gap, a slow burn and a "steamy" part.

Author’s note: Hello again, thanks a lot for the paitence and the love I've been reciving. I strugle a lot with writing when I don't have the right motivation and that was what happened with this part, I had it for months but only one part was missing and it didn't feelt right to post it.

With that being said, I'm nor sure, but there will be two more parts to this story and I will gladly recive request of what could happen or what you want to see, on the comments or in messages. The timeline will span until the press from Ashoka serires.

gif credit @hayden-christensen

← Previous part

December 2020, that time of the year.

December was the month of festivities, everyone knew that. It was the time to make your house feel cosy and prepare for the celebrations of Christmas and New Year's with your family. Hayden watched as Bubble struggled to set up her Christmas tree, and he couldn't help but laugh at her failed attempts.

“You are not being very supportive right now, Moose,” she said, playfully scolding him.

“Sorry.” He chuckled. “But this is really funny.”

She dropped the lights, that were around her, in frustration and glared at him. “How so?”

“You look like one of those elves from Rise of the Guardians with the lights all around you.” He kept laughing, his eyes shut tight as he crouched from his laughter.

Hayden’s masculine laugh was so contagious that she started laughing too. He had a point, she did look like one of those elves in the tangle of lights and limbs.

She was so concentrated on the talk that they were having while she tried to fix the mess she made at the beginning of the year when she took all the ornaments down, she ended up making a bigger mess and got caught in the middle.

While they kept laughing, she almost fell and that was when his laugh died. "Please don't bash your head on the floor, Bubble." He said looking at her a little bit worried.

"Relax, I'll be careful." She said, grabbing the arm of the sofa to brace herself as she walked to her seat and worked on the mess of lights. "You already put up your tree?"

"No, Bri and I will put up together next week when she stays here, so I'm waiting for her." The soft smile on his lips when he talked about his beloved daughter made her smile too.

The conversation kept going as she kept fighting with the lights making him laugh. "What are you going to do for the special day?”

“It’s my turn to host this year, so we are going to celebrate here.” He shrugged. “You?”

“At my sister’s but it’s a tradition that the kids come here to look for their presents, so that’s why I’m currently an elf tangled in lights.” She giggled and he smiled at the sound. “New year’s is my turn to be a hostess.”

They kept talking, telling each other what they planned to buy their respective families and every little nonsense that passed through their minds.

Finally, Christmas arrived and Hayden and Briar were sitting criss-crossed on the floor ready to open the presents, his parents watching them with a smile on their faces. The little girl had a bunch of presents around her, opening one by one with sparkles in her eyes.

“I think this one you are going to love.” In his hand, he had the package he had received a couple of days before and a big smile on his lips.

With all the excitement of the world, Briar opened the present and squealed with delight. In her hands were an Anastasia book and a tiara. “I love it!”

Hayden laughed, “Want me to put on the tiara?” The little girl nodded excitedly.

“Thank you, Daddy,” she hugged him.

But he shook his head, embracing her. “It wasn’t me, Bri.”

“Was it a Bubble?” He smiled, nodding. “Send her a picture, Daddy, and thank her for me!” Hurriedly the little girl posed with the book, the tiara on her head and a big smile on her lips for him to take a pic.

Obeying quickly he took the pic and when he was about to send it, Briar put a present on his lap. “Open it, it’s from Bubble too cause it has the same wrapping.”

Delicately, he pulled the wrapping paper off and immediately laughed at the packaging. “Oh God.” Briar was jumping up and down to see what it was so he gently took the present out of the box and showed it to her, making her laugh too.

In his hands was a spatula with the face of Darth Vader and the handle was a lightsaber and to put a cherry on top a matching apron that resembled Darth’s uniform. They were all giggling but his attention was on the note inside the box.

To take your cooking skills to the dark side, but not too much cause it’ll burn. Happy Christmas Moose and Princess, wishing you all the best and lots of tasty food.

With love, Bubble.

“Come on Daddy, take another photo.” Briar pulled from his hand and he, being such a girl dad, did as she said.

As father and daughter posed, everyone around them was interested in who this Bubble was and why she had them smiling so much.

Her phone rang in her pocket, pulling her away from her conversation.

Hayden M

Photo

She loves it and says thank you very much

A smile appeared on her lips when she saw the photos. In the first one, Briar was posing very princess-like with the book and the tiara in her head. The second one was a father-daughter selfie, Hayde was showing very proudly his spatula while Briar hung from his chest. The third one made her heart warm, and her knees buckled a little if she was honest. Hayden poses with the apron with a big smile looking directly at the camera.

It was my pleasure, truly

By the third photo, I’ll assume you liked yours

Of course, we find it very funny.

I accomplish my mission then

And you? Did you like yours?

I’m going to open it as soon as I arrive home with the kids

Cause it’s tradition that we open our presents together

True to her word, as soon as she arrived at her house the kids ran towards the tree dragging her with them. “Come on, hurry up!” Daniel kept pulling from her hand, making her laugh. While Brianna and Daniel were sitting around the tree piling up their presents and opening them, their parents and she were sitting on the couch eating snacks and chatting.

In the sweetest way ever, Bri put a box with wrapping paper of bubbles in different colours and sizes, probably chosen by Briar, on her lap. “From…” Her sister peeked over her shoulder.

“Not your business.” She stuck her tongue out to her as she pulled the box closer to her chest, making them all laugh.

Delicately, she pulled the paper off and an immediate smile appeared on her face. Hayden’s gift was perfect, a beautiful frame with a Singin’ in the Rain phrase, tracing the edges she read. “The show must go on!' Come rain, come shine, come snow, come sleet, the show must go on!”

He remembered their conversation all those months ago and that made her happy, and a little teary. In the back, it had a note that kept the smile on her lips. He’s too fucking sweet.

“Someone special?” Her sister asked.

The smile on her lips was answering the question itself, but she just shrugged. If her concentration wasn’t on her phone, she would have seen the looks between her sister and brother-in-law.

Bubble

Best present ever

Seriously?

You liked it?

Love it

You are the best present giver

I guess by the wrapping paper that Briar had something to do with it too

Yeah, she hand-picked it and all

Photo

Hayden opened the photo and smiled. It was a selfie of her with a big smile, to the point her eyes were almost closed, and behind her the frame on a big bookshelf.

Already placed in the important part of my house

Love the big smile, looks amazing on you

And I’m very happy that you like it

January 2021, you and me from the night before.

First day of a new year, the first hours technically. Hayden was coming back from celebrating with Briar at her mom’s house when an idea appeared in his head, so a little detour from his house was due.

He parked his car and took a deep breath, drumming his fingers against the wheel. What are you doing Hayden? The clock on the dashboard reads 01:55 AM. Grabbing his phone, he went to his contact and bit his lip nervously.

Should I go in or is it too much? I don’t need to walk up there, maybe it's better if I just wish her a happy new year with a call. Hayden's gaze shifts to Bubble's house, where he can see the faint glow of lights through the windows. He takes a deep breath, contemplating his decision. Fuck it.

One beep, two beeps, thre-. “Hello Hayden, hi!” Her cheerful voice reached his ears.

“Hi, Bubble.” It was impossible for him to not smile. “How’s everything?”

The noise died down a little, “Amazing, how was your night with the Princess?”

“Very good, she had a blast and used the tiara as a part of her outfit.” They laughed. “Listen,” she hummed. “Are you home?”

“Yeah, we are all here, the kids asleep.” Hayden's heart races as his idea of seeing her possibly come true.

“Can you possibly…” he drummed his fingers against the wheel again “Step outside for a bit?” I'll go and wish her a happy new year, just like any friend would, just that.

“Outside my house?” She asked, confused.

“Yeah…” Instead of an affirmative response, it sounded more like a question.

“Sure, give me a second. I have to grab shoes.” She said quickly.

The possibility of hugging Bubble, feeling her warmth and sharing a moment of celebration, made his heart race for some reason. Hayden glances at himself in the rearview mirror, adjusting his appearance, making sure he looks presentable before stepping out of the car. As soon as his feet touched the pavement, he took a moment to steady himself before walking towards Bubble's front door. As he made his way there, his heart was pounding with anticipation.

When she opened the door, a mixture of surprise and delight washed over her face, Bubble stepped outside her house with two glasses in her hand. The second they saw each other a smile instantly spread across their faces.

She looks absolutely beautiful. Simple tailored black pants hugged her waist with a corset with sparkly details and embroidered patterns, her hair was free and slippers were on her feet. Her lips with wine stains that gave them a particular colour that made her even more beautiful in his eyes.

"You didn't have to come all the way here, Hayden. You could have just called me," Bubble said, her voice filled with warmth.

They closed the distance between each other. "I wanted to see your face," Hayden replied, his eyes sparkling with affection. “And wish you a happy New Year."

Bubble's eyes softened, and she couldn't help but smile. “I wanted to see your face too.” Putting the glasses down, Bubble pulls Hayden into a warm embrace without hesitation.

Hayden's worries melted away as he held Bubble tightly, feeling the warmth of her embrace, his hand gently tangling in her hair as she rested her face on his chest. Her jasmine scent hit his nose and made his knees tremble a little. Oh how fucking much he had missed that smell, her smell.

Maybe it was all the wine in her blood and how fucking gorgeous he looked under the lights on her porch, but she snuggled against his chest, the rhythm of his heartbeat syncing with hers. They stood there, wrapped in each other's embrace, savouring the quiet and tender moment.

After who knows how long they, against everything their feelings screamed at them, pulled away from each other, but not too much. Maybe two feet away from each other, not much.

“Let’s just toast.” Quickly she grabbed the glasses and gave him one with a wink. “Don’t worry, it’s kids' champagne.”

Hayden laughed, making her smile more. “Always thinking about everything.”

“To what we toast?” She pursed her lips.

He mugged her, pursing his lips. “To... friendship?” Friendship? Really? Are you an idiot Hayden?

She groaned, tilting her head back, “Oh, come on, Moose. We can do better than that.” Her tone teasingly.

Hayden chuckles, realising Bubble's playful challenge. He took a moment to think, his eyes dancing across her features and involuntarily he took a step closer to her again. “To taking chances.” He asked softly.

Bubble's eyes lit up and she took a step closer to him too, her voice filled with warmth. “I like it.” Moving her glass towards his she smiled, “To taking chances, and embracing the unexpected.”

They clinked their glasses together, the sound echoing in the quiet night. As they sipped, their eyes locked, a mix of anticipation and affection passing between them.

How beautiful her eyes look under these lights. “I'm glad I took the chance to come here tonight, Bubble.”

She smiled bigly, “Me too, Hayden. I missed seeing you in person.” It was as if her hands had a mind of their own, or they were led by her heart because she hugged him again. He didn’t oppose and rested his cheek on top of her head as her arms circled around his waist.

March 2021, jealousy? Jealousy.

Hayden was at the coffee shop near her office, ready to pay for their breakfast when a hand beat him to it. “What the-'' Ready to turn around to face the owner of the money, the sweet voice he heard even in his dreams reached his ears and that hand he was dying to have intertwined against his own appeared on his line of vision. She was standing by his side with a smile on her lips. Oh how much I missed that smile. “I was going to pay for that, you know.”

She put the change in the tip jar “Well hello to you too, Hayden” and moved out of the way.

“Bubble.” He smiled at her and she did not only smile back but kissed his cheek too. Oh how soft her lips were but how ephemeral the sensation was on his skin. Come back, come back and kiss me all over again so I can cherish it properly.

His eyes fell on her outfit. Blue Converse, black tailored pants and a black tank top with a big light blue shirt on top.

I have a similar shirt. He couldn't contain his brain from creating the scenario of her with bed hair, his shirt, nothing underneath and her sweet smile.

It took Hayden a few minutes to come back to the real world but when he did, he just cleared his throat and blinked a few times. “You didn’t have to.”

But she simply shrugged. “It was our breakfast, let me treat you, Moose.” Our breakfast, how sweet.

The opportunity to tease her was right there. “How do you know it was our breakfast?” He asked with a brow raised.

She put an offended look on her face. “You go around buying every girl breakfast?” Her hand travelled to her chest where her heart was. “I’m wounded. And here I was, thinking I'm special.”

You are special. I only bought breakfast for you. And Briar and my mum and maybe my sisters if I’m in a good mood. “Cocky much?” They laughed.

After ten minutes or so, they got their order and jumped into his car to drive the rest of the way to her office. She talked all the way while he basked in her presence, her jasmine scent invading his nostrils, hoping it would stay on his car, and how clear her voice sounded in person. After Facetiming for months, her clear sweet voice was music to his ears. Having her close to touch was divine to him. That magic moment at the beginning of the year had left him wanting for more, wishing for more.

The scene was so fucking domestic, so cute. They were riding to work together, her attention on him, her body angled in a certain way that the sun hit her in the eyes and even though the visor was down her height prevented it from properly functioning.

As soon as they reached the studio’s garage he opened the car door for her, every door that came their way actually, as the gentleman he was, and talked a little bit about everything on their way to her office.

“Hello, you two.” Charlie’s voice brought them back to the real world. “Nice to see you again, Hayden.” The boy smiled her way, “Boss” and shared what seemed to be a knowing look with her. From the corner of his eyes, and above her height, he saw how a pink colour adorned her cheeks, it suited her.

She placed a coffee in front of the boy and rolled her eyes. Did she always carry that extra coffee? I was so lost in her face that I didn't notice the extra cup? Trying to not think much about it, a little scared of the answer, Hayden followed her to the office.

For some reason her office still lacks photos, it was more personal than, almost, two years ago that was for sure, but still no photos. The drawings were there, the video camera too, even the jasmin- she stopped in her tracks and he almost crashed against her. “Sorry, Bubble.” He said with his hands on her waist. Her look was fixed on the little desk where the jasmines were supposed to be but instead, there were red roses on it. He tilted his head to the side confused. “Are you okay?”

She nodded but he didn’t buy it because she was looking at those flowers like they were carnivorous and in any second they would eat her. His hands were still on her waist and for some reason, drew soft circles there, on top of her clothes, and that seemed to bring her back to the real world. Taking a deep breath she got close to them, but not too close, just to grab the card that was peeking from them.

His blue eyes watched her attentively as her nose was scrunched, which only meant that she didn’t like flowers. “Friend?” The curiosity was killing him. Who was sending her flowers she clearly didn’t like?

To her scrunched nose, add pursed lips and a bored look on her face. “Ex actually.” She said through gritted teeth.

“Still in touch, so civil.” He mumbled taking a sip of his cup. Why did you say it when it was clear that wasn’t the case? Are you jealous?

The offended look on her face was not fake that time. “Not even close.” The card on her delicate fingers was made a ball and went directly to the bin below her desk. “I don’t know why he sent them.” Her reaction had him raising his eyebrows. Was she mad? That was her mad face? She purses her lips when she’s mad? She’s so fucking cute when she’s mad. “Charlie, can you come here and take something away please?” She said through the phone.

The dad alarm on his brain, the one that told him when something was wrong or something was dangerous, went off. “Are you allergic?” He said quickly getting up from his seat and walking towards her, stepping between the flowers and her, looking attentively at her face in case she stopped breathing suddenly and stretching his hands to take her from her forearms, afraid she would fall.

She frowned at him but with a smile on her lips. “No, I’m not.” Her hands were on his forearms too. “Relax, I’m okay.”

He looked at her just to be sure and then to the flowers right when Charlie entered. “They are pretty.” It was true, they were, but Hayden preferred jasmine.

“I guess.” She shrugged and both of them looked at her confused. “I actually don't like them.” The brunette frowned his brows. “They are too cliché for me.” Hayden laughed and she did it too, still holding onto each other.

The moment that was created around them would become a core memory, the sunlight entering through the window illuminating the space, the synchronised laughing, the warmth of the other’s hands on their skin and, as if they were fifteen all over again, the racing hearts with flushed cheeks.

His laugh died a little earlier than hers and her laugh was melodic to him, even though it wasn’t. How beautiful you are laughing in my arms.

Nothing broke the moment, it died down on its own. Slowly, almost reluctantly, they let go of each other and kept having breakfast. Ewan came at some point to see her, to discuss something about timing and stayed with them chatting.

“How’s the Jedi training?” She asked, looking at them.

“Wonderful.” “Really fun.” They said at the same time and she smiled happily. “You should come, you know,” Hayden added and Ewan agreed but her head was tilted to the side, frowning. “To see how everything is going.”

“Oh yeah, I will go around one of these days but you are not going to make me train.” She warned the two of them, pointing a finger. “I do not train, under any circumstances.” The pair laughed and nodded. Hayden was with them, her, until it was time to do the wardrobe fitting so he left them to discuss their important matters.

Trying the Jedi robes again, the saber in his belt, every little second of that process of putting on and taking the costumes made him extremely emotional. Going back to being Anakin put him on a roller coaster of emotions and now, more like for a while, he had to throw into the mix the feelings he was having for her. To say his heart had been going through a lot lately was an understatement.

The fitting was finished and he was walking through the studios, going back to her office, to see if she wanted to have lunch with him when he bumped into Ewan. “Hey, how did it go?”

They walked side by side. “Good, lots of memories.”

The Scottish nodded. “Yeah, tell me about it.” They laughed. “The sabers and everything, it’s amazing.” The brunette nodded. “I felt like a kid all over again.”

Hayden felt the exact same way, not only because of all the filming and reminiscing but with his feelings. He was a fifteen-year-old with a massive crush again, her mere presence around him made him smile like a boy and felt light. Thinking about her and there she was, standing a few metres away from them talking with someone.

Whatever his dear friend was saying didn’t reach his ears because his attention was solemnly on her, like always. She looked uncomfortable, her body language screamed it and he noticed it right away, even if her back was towards him. She wasn’t facing directly at the person in front of her, her arms were crossed and she kept looking around, like searching for something, for someone. Who’s that? He stopped walking to inspect the scene, and Ewan stopped a few steps ahead of him.

“Who’s that?” Hayden interrupted his friend, who looked where he was looking and shrugged. “That one, right there. Who is it?” His eyes were fixed on the guy in front of her, too close to her for his liking, and that kept trying to get her attention.

“Don’t know.” Ewan shook his head “Why?” and raised an eyebrow looking at him.

But the question fell on deaf ears because Hayden kept looking towards her and when her eyes connected with his, his protective side emerged. She seemed relaxed as soon as he found him but a second later she raised her eyebrows, opened her eyes wide and then looked back at the guy in front of her. Walking past his friend, he went directly towards where she was.

He stood tall, making him seem taller than he already was, chest puffed and chin raised. In a few strikes he was standing behind her, his hand found his rightful place on her back and she relaxed against him as soon as he arrived. “You alright?” His tone was low for her to only hear, his breath ghosting in her neck, but no response came and instead only a few seconds' look from her that clearly indicated that it wasn't the case. “We were looking for you, are you ready to go?” He said a little louder.

The guy in front of them shut up the second Hayden arrived, but he didn’t pay attention to him. His eyes were on her and only her. Please tell me if something is bothering you. “Hey, I’m Tyler.” The guy stretched his hand towards him.

Blue eyes looked at him up and down and kept staring him down. “Hayden.” Oh, how he wished that his voice mimicked Vader’s at that moment because it would, for sure, make the idiot in front of him fear him, but a strong grip would do the work. All that with his left hand was still on her back and her jasmine scent calming him down, her warmth keeping him centred.

She looked up and gave him a tiny smile. “Tyler was leaving and so were we.” We, as in her and me. Not you dude. “Goodbye.” She didn’t wait for an answer and turned around, walking in another direction. Leaving him missing her closeness.

Hayden stood there, for a few seconds, still staring him down with a serious look on his face. The only moment he didn’t look at him was when his eyes landed on the nearest exit and then slowly looked back at the guy. Take the hint and walk away. Not wasting more time he followed her, leaving the guy behind, where he was supposed to be.

When he reached her side, his eyes raked her up and down, searching for some bad thing. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, Hayden. I'm fine." The soft use of his name grounded him. Say my name again, say it a thousand times, say it in French.

He nodded. "Who was he by the way?"

Her mad face became present in an instant. "My ex." She turned around to look at where he used to be.

"The roses guy?" A frown appeared on his face and she nodded. "What did he want? What was he doing here?" The protective mode was on again.

She looked back at him, with a tiny smile and her head tilted to the side. "He came to a casting and wanted to say hi or something like that, I don't know and I don't care." Her tone was firm, "I'm just glad you came and he is gone" but the softness of those words was something else.

You want me to die? You surely want me to have a heart attack. Unnoticed by him, the smile that appeared on his lips was worthy of an obvious fool in love and his hand almost cupped her face.

The cute moment was broken when her phone started ringing, he took a step back and let her answer. How close were they standing to each other? His mind was racing, his heart was racing and, being honest, he needed those few minutes without her near to properly be a functioning human being again and not a fool led by his feelings.

"I got to go, there are a few things I need to take care of at the office. But I came to see how the fitting went." She played with the phone on her fingers.

How sweet. "Great, lots of feelings." That’s an understatement.

Her hand travelled to his bicep "Tell me over lunch?" and gave it a little squeeze with a smile on her lips.

Caught by surprise, he raised his eyebrows, and before she could back down he nodded. "Of course, yeah." They smiled. "My treat though, cause you already paid for breakfast, Bubble."

"Deal." She said laughing, he did too.

His eyes followed her while she walked away, a smile on their lips and Ewan approached him with a smirk on his lips. "Well, I didn't know you were the jealous type."

"What?" He gave her one last look before turning to his friend, blue eyes with clear confusion, who had a flat look on his face. “I’m not jealous.” Hayden shook his head frowning. “I’m being absolutely reasonable, she looked uncomfortable so I went there to help." He defended himself with a tone a little higher than his normal one.

The Scottish, with his hands in his pockets, raised his shoulder and pursed his lips. "Sure, she looked uncomfortable, but admit you were jealous."

The brunette pursed his lips too. "I wa-”

"And you were a little protective too." He interrupted him.

"Wha-”

"I get it." Ewan shrugged again. "I would be the same way with my wife if something like that happened."

He frowned. “What? Who talked about marriage?” His mind was racing at 100mph.

But his friend laughed. “Look at you all worked up.” Even though Hayden tried to deny it, Ewan kept laughing. “You are so jealous.”

“Am not!” Am I? No, not at all.

“Yes you are, and to that add the worst liar for being an actor too.” His friend slapped him on his shoulder and walked away. Leaving Hayden standing there while he felt like his friend slapped him with facts left and right in the span of seconds.

Jealous? Me? Pff. Never. But wait, maybe I am. No, I can't be. Definitely not jealous. She looked uncomfortable with that guy and I did what I thought best, just that. Nothing more.

May 2021, little intruders on set.

The shooting started a few weeks ago, but Hayden was going to keep training for the fighting scenes, determined to make them perfect.

The day was almost coming to an end and he didn’t see her at any given moment, her too engrossed in filming and him with the training. So, he was making his way to his office, to see her at least for a few minutes.

“Hello, Charlie.” The boy behind the desk smiled at him. “Is she inside?”

“Yes, go.” Charlie had a mischievous smirk on his lips, but he paid no mind to it.

Walking a few metres from the reception to her office, he could hear the happy squeals from inside and her characteristic laugh. After knocking on the door, it died down. “Come in,” Her sweet voice said.

As soon as he set his feet inside, surprise gasps received him. “Anakin.” Being recognized as Anakin never fails to make him happy, after all, it was a character he held dear to his heart.

Sitting in the middle of the office, papers and coloured pencils scattered around the floor, were two kids, a boy and a girl, looking at him in awe. He looked at them with a smile on his face and walked further inside the room.

With them, sitting with her legs tangled was with one of her big happy smiles. “Kids, Hayden.” She caressed the heads of the little kids. Oh, what a sight. “Hayden, Brianna and Daniel.” They were looking at him with big eyes in awe.

They were quickly standing up and he crouched down a little in front of them to look at their eyes, he extended his hand. “Nice to meet you guys.” They shook it quickly. “I heard so much about you two.”

From up close, they looked identical. “Really?” They asked at the same time.

“Yeah, your aunt talks all the time about both of you.” He could see how she smiled at the scene. Brianna blushed at that and Daniel smiled happily. “Are you visiting the set?” The pair nodded. “And? What do you think?”

“Amazing,” Brianna said. “Everything is incredible,” Daniel looked at him as if he was a superhero.

Hayden saw her getting up and extended his hand to help her. When she was on her feet, he pulled her closer to hug her, the scent of jasmine in her hair invaded his nostrils. “Bubble.”

Her soft giggle reached his ears. “Moose.” The nickname made him laugh. “What are you doing here?”

They stood close, the two kids looking at them with eyes opened big. “I didn’t see you today, so I came to say hello.” He wanted so badly to move the loose strand of hair out of her face.

“Did you know that she used to have a poster of you in her room?” Daniel said, looking at him with curious eyes.

“Really?” Hayden raised an eyebrow, teasingly, at her and the little boy nodded.

“I was a kid.” She tried to act as if it was cool but the blush that started creeping to her cheeks gave her away, “Where did you get that?” and looked at the twin surprised.

“Mum told us,” Brianna said, still looking at Hayden.

“Why that doesn't surprise me.” He heard her mumble under her breath, that close they were. “What else did she tell you?”

“That you were a nerd.” The little girl said, raising her shoulders nonchalantly.

Her mouth fell agape. “I was not!” She said offended.

But the little boy nodded. “She said you were.”

Hayden was finding the whole exchange hilarious. “Your mother was a cheerleader, of course to her I was a nerd but I wasn't.” She crossed her arms, like a little girl when she was mad.

“You kinda are.” Brianna looked at her with a puppy eye look and Hayden laughed, she had to bite the inside of her cheek to not laugh too.

She crouched down to look at them, “I'm the one who can get you free tickets to Disneyland and conventions, so if I were you I would think my next words very carefully.” and narrowed her eyes threateningly, it was clear it was a joke by how much she was pressing her lips to not laugh.

The kids looked at each other for a few seconds “You are our favourite aunt” and said with sweet smiles on their lips, too sweetly.

She pressed her lips to not laugh. “Say that your father's sister and we are cool.”

They shook hands. “We always say that to her.”

Hayden laughed at the conversation. “You two are my favourites.” She kissed their heads.

“Now go with Charlie.” The twins happily obliged. “And don’t cause havoc!” She said, popping her head out of the office.

After exchanging some words with Charlie she looked back at him for a few seconds and then at the grown.

He waited for a few seconds but the need to tease her beat him. “So....you were a nerd.”

A groan left her lips and he couldn't hold the laugh that escaped him. “No, I wasn't.”

“What were you then?” Tell me about you, I want to know everything.

Nonchalantly, she pursed her lips “Normal” and walked towards the mess of papers and pencils on the floor.

“You were one of those that get along with everyone?” He raised an eyebrow and helped her pick everything up.

But she shook her head “Far from it,” making him frown “but I didn't stand out so it didn't matter.”

Impossible. “I highly doubt you didn't stand out, but okay.” She rolled her eyes. “If you were normal, what makes your sister say you were a nerd? Apart from being a Star Wars fan.”

The brunette picked up the pencils while she picked up the papers. “She was a cheerleader, everything apart from that was a nerd to her.”

“Come on...did you do cosplay?” His blue eyes were full of curiosity.

“No.” She shook her head.

“Dungeons and dragons?” Again, another shook off the head. “Maths tournament?”

She looked at him biting the inside of her cheek, a little embarrassed. “Champion for three years by my hand.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Impressive, very impressive.”

The fact that he wasn’t teasing her, or making fun of her, made her visibly relax “I know” and a smug smile appeared on her lips.

“Theatre?” Different departments of his school years popped into his brain.

“Had to.” The frown on his brows made her explain. “I can't act to save life, but I had to do it so I could gather experience.” He nodded understandingly. “I acted in a play as a tree once though.”

They laughed. “The most beautiful tree for sure.” It escaped his mouth too fast for him to even think what he was saying. But it’s true. The blush on her face made him smile proudly. “The yearbook?”

“No, but I had a friend that was there and I went to help him out sometimes.” He passed her the pencils “Thank you” and she smiled at him.

“The band?” He got up and helped her stand up too.

The tingles from hugging her minutes ago were still there and touching her hand for a second time, even for a few fleeting seconds, made his knees weak. Teenager behaviour Hayden.

She shook her head. “I can't even play the triangle.” They laughed.

“I’ll teach you to play the piano, sometime.” He winked and she blushed. She leaned on the table and he stood in front of her, their height difference more prominent. And he loved every second of it. “Any sport?” He asked, looking down at her.

Her lips pursed, while she nodded. “Gimnastic, three years.” Flexible, that’s interesting.

Horny behaviour, Hayden. Shaking his head to get rid of the inappropriate thoughts. He asked again. “You have a thing for number 3?”

But she looked curiously at him, for a few seconds, tilting her head to the side. “It's my lucky number.” She shrugged.

Hayden paid attention to her outfit. White simple long-sleeve t-shirt, showing off the curves of her torso, green cargo pants, that fitted her well in the waist and her Doc Martens. He loved her style, since day one.

“Back to school topic,” she nodded, “you weren't a nerd.”

“Told you,” she said in a singing tone, making him roll his eyes. “I just went there, passed grades as fast as I could to finish and got the hell out of that place to go to university and do what I like.”

He looked around her office. “Seems like you are doing it.”

A smile appeared on her lips. “The crazy little Star Wars fan that I was would have jumped on the couch the moment someone told her this is what she was going to do when she grew up."

He laughed at the idea of a mini her jumping all over the place. “I would have loved to meet her.” His tone was so soft, almost like the way she was looking at him. “More than anything because of my poster on her bedroom wall.”

She groaned, hiding her face in her hands, “Oh god” and he laughed, pulling her into his embrace. It was a natural response, the magnetic feeling in between them was too much to deny it. The need to have her in his arms, just like at the beginning of the year, was stronger than his critical thinking.

Unknown to him, the deep sound of his laugh, the way his chest moved against her cheek and the way he was holding her, all made her weak on the knees. The mix of his perfume and cigarette drove her straight to her wildest dreams, that took place on that specific July night but the only difference was that they were under the same roof, in person. Close enough to tear each other's clothes.

He was coming down from his laugh when he looked down at her, blushing adorning her cheeks, and she looked up at him. Your eyes are beautiful. Your smile is one of my favourite things in this world. A smile plastered on their faces.

“I'm going to kill my sister because those kids are too cute.” She said, still a little embarrassed about the poster incident.

Delicately, as if she was the most expensive work of art in the whole universe, he tucked that wild strand of hair behind her ear. “Don't change the subject.” You are still holding her, Hayden.

Your embrace makes me dizzy. After a few seconds, where she was lost in his eyes, trying so hard to not lean into his hand, she spoke again. “I already told you. I was a fangirl, what else do you want me to say?”

Everything about you used to do. You used to kiss the poster? I can kiss you now if you ask me. Technically, if I lean down a little, I coul- WHAT?!

“I thought you were a fan of the movies, not me.”

“Don't feel special Moose,” he raised an eyebrow. “I had a poster of Obi-Wan too.” She laughed at how he rolled his eyes.

“And that's how you kill the mood.” He acted offended and took a step back. Come back. Hold me again. Hold me for a million days. But they laughed.

“For real now,” she looked sincerely at him “I am a fan of the movies but you were my favourite of them all” and winked an eye.

That simple gesture, brain short-circuited him. “Thank you, Bubble.”

Feeling a little bold, she took a step closer to him, head tilted to the side. “And I used to have a massive crush on you.” Such a liar, you still have a massive school-girl crush for him.

If his brain was short-circuited, now there must be smoke coming from his ears. “Used to?” He choked out. Would you like to have it now? So that way I'm not the only one having a crush.

“Yeah,” she nodded. Is it me or suddenly we are in the sun? And his lips parted a little, her eyes falling there.

The cute, a little hot, scene was cut short by her phone ringing. “Shit.” She mumbled under her breath. “It’s Charlie, I gotta take it.”

He cleared his throat and said, “Yeah, yeah” nodding.

They talked for a few minutes, she even laughed a little and then hung up. “They are in the gift shop and Charlie is afraid they are going to try to buy the whole thing.” Hayden couldn't laugh at that. “I’m going to pick them up and take them home.”

“I’ll walk with you.” He said quickly. “I’m finished with the training for today, so I’m heading out too.”

She nodded “Yeah, okay” and pointed over her shoulder. “I’ll grab our things and we can head there.”

After a few minutes, they were walking out of her office. He held the door open for her, as usual. While they were walking around the set, they talked about their days and how they went.

The brunette found it extremely cute how she moved her hands while she explained something. Too absorbed in her storytelling and too focused on him, he hopped so, she didn't notice the golf cart coming behind them nor the prop guys in a hurry towards them, so swiftly Hayden put his hand on her back and swapped places with her.

She was walking on the wall side and him on the street side. His hand still ghosted on her back, guiding her around. The feeling of wanting to kiss her skin from that night in July still burns in his memory and now it was mixed with the closeness they were having. That definitely would hunt him in his sleep.

June 2021, girls team.

His day had started early, having been woken up by Bri due to her excitement for the day that awaited them. The little girl asked him like a hundredth time if she was finally going to meet the Bubble in person and each and every time he said yes with a smile on his lips.

“I can’t wait to see her,” Bri said as she jumped in the passenger seat.

Hayden chuckled, “I’m sure she feels the same, sweetie.”

And it was true. He had to carefully pick the day to bring her to the set and Bubble helped him, clearing the entire day to just shoot Anakin scenes. Briar was young, she still hadn't seen the dark parts of the Star Wars prequels, she knew her daddy was Darth Vader but had not seen it with her own eyes.

His heart beat with anticipation at the day they were about to have. Briar had been the centre of his universe since her birth, and bringing her to his workplace, to the one where he had to be his favourite character, the one he held most dear to his heart, felt like merging his two worlds.

As he was preparing for the upcoming scenes, sitting in the makeup trailer, with Briar spinning on the chair next to his, the familiar scent reached his nose first and then he saw her.

“Oh my!” She gasped. “Why did nobody inform me we have a princess on the set with us today?” Quickly her eyes met Hayden’s and gave him a fleeting wink before looking directly at the little girl.

There she was and a smile appeared on Hayden’s lip, just like in Briar’s.

“Bubble!” The girl smiled at her, Briar said with a glint in her eyes. As if she knew her from her whole, short, life, the girl jumped from the chair and hugged Bubble’s legs.

Her melodic laugh reached his ears as she caressed the little girl’s hair. “Hello Princess, it’s lovely to properly meet you.”

While the two of them talked, Hayden eyed her without the worry of being caught. She was wearing blue cargo pants, her characteristic Doc Martens, a black tank top, two braids keeping her hair tamed and a black cap to complete the outfit.

“Are you excited for today?” Bubble crouched down to Briar’s eye level and the girl nodded eagerly. “I have a very important task for you,” the girl’s eyes widened. “If you are up to it, that’s it.”

“Of course,” the little girl put her small hands on her shoulders, making the grown-ups laugh a little.

Oh, how sweet was the sight of that smile? “Splendid,” Bubble said. “Would you be my assistant director today?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.

Briar nodded enthusiastically and then looked at her father. “Did you hear Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetie,” Hayden nodded, smiling, something he seemed to not stop doing since the jasmine-scented woman walked through the trailer doors.

“Can I Daddy, can I?” She pleaded, even though she already agreed. “Please, pretty please.” She ran to him and clutched his legs.

Caressing softly her hair, which matched his in tone, “Of course, sweetie.”

Bubble’s heart melted in that instant; she had seen Briar grow through her cell phone screen during their daily Facetime, and seeing her in person, with Hayden treating her so gently, with so much love in his eyes, felt like witnessing the most tender and authentic moments of life, the kind that were too precious and real to be scripted. How I wish I had my camera here.

Without waiting for a second, Briar ran back to her and grabbed her hand. “Okay, I’m ready.” She nodded confidently and looked up at her smiling.

“Perfect,” Bubble touched her nose. “Mr Christensen here, has a little more time in the make-up chair?”

He scrunched his nose at how she called him. It sounded strange coming from her lips, he had been Moose for so long, Starboy prior to that, and Hayden in more personal moments, and he didn’t like to be called anything else than that. Okay, maybe one or two other ways far more personal, but never Mr Christensen.

“I think so, yes.” Briar nodded.

It was true, Hayden sat not long before she arrived and the process stopped entirely when she walked through the door, and he still had to pass through the wardrobe.

“You are correct, Miss Christensen,” he played along.

Bubble smiled widely at the situation. “Very well, we should be going to see if everything is prepared on set and we’ll see you when it’s time to shoot, Mr Chistensen.”

He saw how hard she was trying to keep a serious face, how hard she was pressing her lips to not laugh and how with a simple raise of brow from his part almost made her burst in laughter.

“Very well,” he repeated. “I’ll see you when it’s time to shoot, Directors,” and reassured.

He saw them walk away hand in hand pleased and if it meant seeing the big smile on Briar and Bubble's faces, Hayden would play along for the rest of the day.

After another two hours, Hayden was finally making his way to the set and met Ewan there. “Where’s Bri?” The Scottish looked around.

He told her how his own daughter left him the second Bubble appeared, but rather than being sad, he found the whole thing funny and cute. Loving how despite Briar’s shy ways, much like him, she seemed to shine in the presence of the jasmine-scent-cheerful woman.

“Ah!” Ewan laughed. “Another Christensen falling for our Director’s sweetness I see.”

Before he could question what he meant by that, his eyes fell on the tall and small figures not too far from him, matching headsets around their necks, and as he walked closer he realised that the cap Bubble had when he saw her was no longer in her head but in Briar’s instead. Hayden watched them with a softness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before, but he was sure it was there to stay for the whole day.

The pair pointed at them and Ewan clapped his back, bringing him back from the daydreaming, “Let’s go, they are calling us.”

“Here they are!” Bubble said with a smile on her lips. “Ewan, I want to present to you my number one assistant director, Briar Rose Christensen.”

His friend crouched down a little and shook his daughter’s hand. “Very pleased to meet you, Miss Christensen.”

“Hello,” his little girl sounded so confident and from up close he saw that she was carrying a badge with her name and the “Assistant Director N°1” on it.

His blue eyes found her’s and without uttering a word he conveyed what he was feeling at that moment with a soft smile and she seemed to understand because she smiled just the same and winked an eye again. Unknowingly to him, her hands itched to touch his arm just to make her point clear but chose to restrain from it and just bury them in her pockets.

Oh, how lovely it was to see them interact. How soft and attentive she’s with her, how Bri clings to her side, to her hand and every word that leaves her sweet lips. He witnessed how those two spoke during their daily Facetime, but seeing that in person, how easily they liked and shared things, was something far more beautiful.

They were about to start shooting their scene in the Jedi temple so everyone went to their positions, Hayden stayed back to kiss Bri goodbye for the moment. “Be the best Jedi knight out there, Daddy!” She called sweetly, warming his heart.

“Of course, sweetie.” He kissed her forehead and caressed her hair.

He locked eyes with Bubble and she gestured with her head to the side, making him follow her. “Yeah?”

“First,” she looked him up and down. “It’s really good to see you in Jedi robes,” her fingers traced delicately the black leather material from his sort of Jedi vest.

“Thank you,” he took a small step closer to her, wanting to feel her warm embrace as much as he could. “It feels good to wear them.”

She smiled at him and his knees trembled a little. Surely, it’s jitters from the scene, not for her sweet sweet smile.

“Second,” her voice brought him back. “Are you okay with me asking Briar to be my assistant and the headset thing?” He noticed the nervous ticks on her, and how she played with her nails. “I know it’s late for asking but I got carried away and I want to make the day memorable for her, and and-”

“Bubble,” delicately, he placed his big hands on her small shoulders, his touch calming her down instantly. “It’s more than okay.” He reassured her with a smile, “You are making her day, truly, she hasn’t stopped smiling for a second.”

“She has your smile,” she blurted. Incredible, girl. Tell him how you have his beautiful smile tattooed on your brain. Hayden chuckled and she smiled. Oh, that sweet sound.

He said something but he couldn’t register it, his heart racing too loud inside his chest due to her comment. And after a few seconds of trying to calm it down, he could finally be back to normal. “Relax, everything is fine, Bubble, you didn’t overstep at any moment.”

She exhaled relieved, but his thumbs kept caressing her shoulders softly, leaving a tingling sensation as they traced her skin. “I planned to let her call cut if that's okay with you?”

He smiled, nodding, “She would love it.”

Just like she asked him, Bubble offered the task to Briar as she knelt in front of her, always looking at her eye to eye. “Want to call cut when they finish filming the scene?”

Hayden had the front row to see how his little girl’s eyes shined at the proposition and eagerly she nodded, jumping at the chance. “Of course, yes!”

They all smiled and went to their positions, Ewan and Hayden to their marks while Bubble and Bri were behind the monitors.

From where he was standing, he caught the second she helped the little girl sit in her chair, the director’s chair, how she sat straight, proud to be there, and Bubble, standing next to her, guiding her gently, their heads close together as they discussed the scene while pointing at the screen.

It took him more than usual to get into character, being unable to stop smiling at the pair of girls, his heart beating out of his chest every time his clear eyes fell on them.

Concentrate, Hayden, for fuck’s sake. You are a professional, act like it. She’s your director, nothing more….maybe a dear friend, a very dear one. With a sweet smile and a jasmine scent that you could recognise anywhere, but surely nothing more.

"When I say 'action,' you watch your dad, and when he does that cool move we talked about, you get to yell 'cut!'," Bubble instructed. Briar's role was serious business, and she performed it to perfection, her small voice shouting "Cut!" at the perfect moment confidently, causing the crew to applaud, her father more proudly than anyone there.

In the brief moments between takes, where the crew milled around adjusting equipment and discussing the next scenes, Hayden and Briar found themselves enjoying a moment together, by the monitors, catching up.

Briar was eating her favourite snack, strawberry yoghurt with chocolate cookies, that were suddenly available on set, a thoughtful gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Hayden, as she swung her legs back and forth, her small feet not reaching the ground. Her eyes, wide and observant, had been taking in every detail of the vibrant set, but it was the moments spent with Bubble that seemed to captivate her the most.

"Dad, she's more beautiful in person!" Briar exclaimed with that child-unfiltered honesty, her voice a whisper of awe and fondness for the woman.

Hayden glanced over to where Bubble was standing with a couple of the crew, discussing the next shot. The afternoon light filtered through the high windows, casting a halo around her, softening her features and highlighting her gentle expressions.

His eagerness from the year prior to wanting to see her shine in her element was nothing compared to the satisfaction of being actually there, being witness to her greatness, personally and professionally.

"Yes, she is..." Hayden replied softly, his voice trailing off as he watched Bubble laugh at something one of the crew members said.

How privileged would be the person who gets to hear that sound over and over? COME ON HAYDEN! Where is there professionalism? Long gone now, that's for sure.

Briar giggled, snapping Hayden back from his monologue. "She even showed me how to check the camera angles, and gave me heatseat!" Briar's excitement was palpable, each word punctuated with an enthusiastic bounce. “Did you hear me call cut?”

“I'm glad you're having a good time, sweetie," Hayden responded, his smile tinged with affection. Oh how happy she makes Briar, she’s too sweet for this world.

"She said I was a natural, like you!" Briar continued, unaware of the complex emotions stirring in her father.

Hayden laughed, reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind Briar's ear. "Maybe one day you'll be directing films too, huh?"

"Maybe," Briar mused, "but only if I can do it with Bubble. We'd be the best team!"

"Indeed, you would," Hayden agreed, his gaze drifting once again to Bubble. As if sensing his gaze, Bubble looked over, her eyes meeting his across the distance. And, as it had been since day one, a silent communication passed between them, a shared smile that spoke volumes.

The day was finally coming to an end and Hayden was arriving at Bubble's office to pick Bri up and call it a day, he knocked softly before pushing it open. The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from a small lamp on the desk. There, in a scene that melted his heart instantly, was Briar, asleep with her head resting gently in Bubble's lap. Bubble, with one hand resting on a script and the other lightly stroking Briar's hair, looked up and met Hayden’s eyes with a soft smile. Calm down, you stupid heart.

Bubble carefully shifted, easing Briar's head onto a cushion she placed on the chair, and stood to meet Hayden halfway across the room. They moved in a quiet, shared understanding, their steps soft to not wake up the little girl, who was clearly too exhausted from the day’s adventures.

“She crashed just after you left. It's been quite a day.” Bubble whispered, her smile reaching her eyes.

“Yeah, it has,” Hayden replied, his voice low and warm. “Thank you, for everything today. For making today special, not just for Briar, but for me too.” A soft smile appeared on her lips, paired with red on her cheeks. “It was amazing.” You are amazing. His words lingered in the air, laden with unspoken feelings, hinting at the layers of meaning behind them. “She hasn’t stopped talking about today. You’ve made quite the impression.” He added.

"It's easy to make days special with you two," she replied softly. “I loved every minute of it and I’m glad she did too. She’s wonderful, Hayden.” You're both wonderful. “Just like you.”

Their eyes locked, and for a moment, the world seemed to stand still. The air between them was charged with an unspoken understanding, the kind that comes from shared looks and smiles that linger a little too long.

But before anyone took a leap of faith and said what they were feeling, the silence was broken when Bri turned around, mumbling something in her sleep. Hayden nodded towards her, “I should probably get her home. She’ll be wondering where she is when she wakes up.”

She nodded and stepped out of their way, but watched with a smile on her lips how he gently scooped Briar into his arms, careful not to disturb her slumber.

As Hayden held Briar close, Bubble stepped forward, her presence comforting and familiar, the jasmine scent involving him, and leaned in to plant a gentle kiss on Briar’s crown, a tender gesture that made his heart race again.

His blue eyes got lost in hers, they were so calm, so peaceful, that it was just what he was looking for amidst the chaos of his mind, of his heart, he wanted to dive in them and never be found.

Then, standing so close to Hayden that he could feel the warmth of her breath, she raised herself slightly on her tiptoes and placed a sweet, chaste kiss on his cheek. “Goodbye, Hayden,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes holding his for a lingering moment.

Kiss me until I know every millimetre of your lips, but let me keep kissing them in case I forget a detail. The simple kiss sent a ripple of warmth through Hayden’s body, the kind of warmth that spreads slowly but reaches deep. The proximity, her scent, and the feel of her lips on his skin, all conspired to heighten the tension between them.

“Goodnight, Bubble,” Hayden managed to say, his voice steady despite the turmoil inside. With Briar in his arms, he turned towards the door, carrying more than just his daughter, the idea that he was losing the battle between rationality and emotion.

Bubble watched them leave, her hand touching her lips briefly, the memory of the kiss lingering like a promise, like hope. The office felt suddenly too quiet, too empty, but filled with a hopeful anticipation of what tomorrow might bring.

July 2021, fulfilling dreams.

One of the last fighting scenes was coming up and Hayden wanted it to be perfect, so he trained all the time for them, so much that he lost track of it. Long ago he stopped feeling the ache in his limbs, or any sensation at all, and the world outside the four walls of the immense training room he was in disappeared.

Unknown to him, he was not alone. She was leaning on a wall looking at him, lost in the way he moved swiftly around the room, how his muscles flexed. She was fascinated by him, but not only by what he made her feel, in terms of her silly little -not little at all- crush, but by how dedicated he was to his part, by his work philosophy.

The horny part of her was thinking how someone wearing a brown henley and black loose pants could look so fucking sexy, but he could pull it. At some point he tilted his head back, the light hitting on his hair, making his skin glow and her eyes travelled across the curve of his jaw, to his neck to the point where it met with his clavicles, which was showing thanks to the two undone buttons, and she pressed her legs together, gulping.

At the worst time possible, in the silence of the room, she sneezed and he turned around confused as hell. “What the-?” But relaxed when he saw it was only her. “Bless you, Bubble.”

“Thank you,” she had a tight smile on her lips. “Sorry to interrupt you.”

“Not at all,” he cleaned the sweat from his forehead with his shoulder sleeve. “Break from filming?”

She tilted her head to the side, looking at him frowning, “The filming ended hours ago.” At those words, he frowned too. “It’s dark outside, since when are you here?”

He looked surprised. “I don’t know,” She shook her head, walking towards him with a water bottle in her hands, “late afternoon I think.”

“Here,” she passed him the bottle and he smiled at her, putting the lightsaber on her hands. “Well, all those hours worked extremely fine.”

He gulped the water like a dehydrated man. The main thing that was killing her, that was making her so fucking hard to focus, was how his Adam's apple kept bobbling up and down when he swallowed his drink. “You think?” Truth be told, he was insecure about a few things, his performance being one of them.

“Yes” and nodded sure. “From what I see, and from what the stunts and trainers tell me, it’s perfect.” She smiled kindly at him, “You are more than ready.”

“You sure?” What she had to say about his performance, about him, meant a great deal to him.

Taking a few steps closer to him, she maintained eye contact. “You are going to kill it, Hayden. I say this as the director, I can already picture how perfect the scene is going to be.” Those words meant a lot to him, but on top of that, how soft she reassured him was what put a smile on his lips. “And as a fan, I already have chills just imagining how it’s going to look.”

He chuckled at that, “Well, I trust you so I’m going to believe you.” She nodded satisfied and he drank again.

With how close they were, he saw the exhausted look on her face. The mark of her glasses on the bridge of her nose made him want to pass his fingers there, to relax the frown adorning her features. His eyes diverted to her outfit, always loving how she dressed. Tall black sneakers, paired with also black loose leggings and a fitted blue t-shirt, her hair held by a clip in an extremely messy way. Blue eyes traced back to her face, but she was looking at the saber in her hands, a tiny smile on her lips. “What?”

“I’m trying to not let my little me have a mental breakdown,” she said her eyes still not looking at him

The brunette’s lips curved up in a smile. “Why?”

She shook her head, hiding her eyes from him. “It’s lame.”

“No, it’s not.” He said quickly. “Talk to me, Bubble.”

Slowly, her eyes met with his and he could notice right away the sparkle in them, but when she looked at him from beneath her eyelashes, he was almost knocked out of his feet at how much it affected that simple gesture. His eyes fell at her lips the seconds she wet the lower one and made it prisoner of her teeth, his heart started beating uncontrollably. Too fast, too hard, that he was sure she was able to hear it.

“I’ve always wanted a lightsaber, but I never had one, and you're giving me yours, even if it's just to hold it, it’s-” she laughed, shaking her head “It’s…um… I don’t-” she giggled nervously “I don’t know how to explain it.”

You are so cute it had to be criminal. Hayden was seconds away from dropping to his knees from how cute she was, from how giggly and happy she looked.

An idea popped into his brain, putting the bottle of water away, he smiled brightly at her. “I know you say you don’t train, but I’m going to teach you something.” She looked at him frowning. “Anakin’s signature move.”

Her eyes shone like a little kid, “I'll make an exception," he raised his eyebrows. "Only for you." A big smile appeared on her lips and all her tiredness flew away.

Her jasmine scent surrounded him, welcoming him when he stood behind her. His chest touching her back, the great difference of one head gave him the opportunity to look down on her. It would be easier to show it to her and that each of them had a lightsaber? Probably. What was the fun of that?

Oh God. She took a deep breath, his closeness clouding her thoughts. A mere inch in between their skins. “First,” he said in a low hushed voice, “don’t arch your back” he heard her holding her breath, “legs a little open.” Shivers ran through her back as he whispered in her ear. “Now,” slowly, his hand travelled to her left one, “a basic spin.” She nodded, pressing her lips to not let a giggle escape her mouth because his breath tingled her.

His fingers intertwined with hers on top of the base of the saber, “relax.” His fingers travelled lower, to her wrist, “Don’t be stiff.” Gently, he massaged it a little, loosening it. Gently, he started twirling his own hand, it took them a couple of minutes to find the right rhythm. Because, one, she was left-handed and it came naturally to him with his right hand, but with his left one was another thing, and two, it was really hard to concentrate for either of them being that close to the other.

Yeah, the ache he was feeling before? Disappeared, completely. It was nonexistent the second they invaded the other’s personal space.

To the endless list of things he noticed about her add, confirming his theory, that her skin was soft. And yes, her touch shocked him to his very core. A simple hand touch, simple fingers intertwined, made him weak in the knees.

Her lips were a little agape, fully concentrated on the task at hand. After a couple of spins, where he gathered she already mastered it, she was ready for the second step. “Second, you are going to tuck it behind your back pointing your knuckles to the ground.”

“Huh?” She moved her head to the side, looking at him with a frown on her brows.

Their lips centimetres from each other, making it extremely hard to concentrate. For both of them. Lord have mercy on me.

It was like they were in sync, they looked at the other's lips at the same time, not realising what the other was doing. The sudden need to trace the curve of her lips almost overcame him, almost becoming too much for him to breathe properly, to the point his grip on the saber loosened a little but her firm one brought him back to the real world.

“Basic spin,” she led that part, “Point your knuckles to the ground,” his hand guided hers, “and tuck it behind the back.” Delicately, to not injure her, he moved their arms behind their backs. “Got it?” She nodded, liking her lips and that time, he was the one who took a deep breath, earning a little smile from her.

“Now what else?” Master. She asked looking ahead trying to hide her blush, but failing miserably because he could see it.

His hand found his place on her waist, he felt her take a shaky breath, “Turn slightly to the side,” and moved her. The movement made her shirt lift a little, his cold fingers touching her warm velvet skin and a little laugh escaped her lips. “What?”

She pressed her lips together to not laugh, “I’m ticklish,” but failed miserably. Her head fell on his shoulder, her throat completely exposed and Hayden’s eyes fell there, instinctively licking his lips. Oh, that laugh.

Even though she wanted to control her laugh, she couldn't and after a few minutes, when he came out of his entrance with her, he laughed too. His chest rumbled against her back. His masculine laugh made her weak on the knees.

The closeness they were having disappeared, but not because someone took a step away, but because they were glued together, not an inch of space separated them. Who took that step? God knows, but her back was glued to his front, his grip on her hip was gentle but a little possessive.

Finally, their laughter died down. How can I have so much luck and at the same time none? “Show me again, please?” Her tone quivered a little and the most masculine, soft, giggled left her lips. To my very core, thank you.

What he found on her face instead of a frown, was a smile. Not only that, but her eyes were looking at his mouth too. “Knuckles to the ground, tuck behind the back while moving your hip.”

She nodded and did the move. Still guided by him, with his hand on her hip. Hayden’s breath caught in his throat the second the movement of her hips made her ass graze his crotch, he tried to put his mind black, to think about anything else other than the sweet torture he was enduring, other than the tightness he started feeling in his pants. Every touch, every movement, It's overwhelming.

He couldn't ignore the intense physical sensations that surged through his body. The closeness of her body against his sent a jolt of electricity straight to his core. He felt his breath hitch and his heart rate quicken, unable to deny the undeniable attraction he felt towards her. Hayden desperately tried to push these thoughts aside, to suppress the growing desire that threatened to consume him. Looking up, he invoked all his willpower not to succumb to his desires to make his very vivid sexual dreams come true at that precise moment. But deep down, he knew that his sexual dreams were just that— dreams. He couldn't let them cloud his judgement or jeopardise the trust they had built. Control your impulses, Hayden. Stay in control for the love of God.

Feeling his grip losing a bit, her hand grabbed the forearm of the hand that was on her waist. It seemed involuntary, like she was grounding herself and it made his heart start racing. She was intoxicating for him, her mere presence made all around him disappear.

After who knows how long, because he was trying to make his hard-on disappear, her voice reached his ears. “You okay?” She was looking up at him over her shoulder.

Busted. He nodded, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I was about to sneeze and I didn’t want to.” She nodded, not too convinced.

“What now?” The way she was standing, with where their hands were, he was hugging her from behind. His long arms engulfed her small figure.

The mix of his perfume, mint and cigarette impregnated in her skin, clouding her. All around her was Hayden and that was drowning her but calming her at the same time.

“Back to the starting position.” At that point, he was still behind her, hand in hand, because it was too difficult for him to part ways. He was too selfish to do it. “And do it all over again.”

Confidently, she made the whole move successfully. “Oh God.” She looked at him with her eyes widened. “Oh my God!” One more time, she did it. “I did it!” She turned around towards him, face to face, with a big proud smile on her face.

“You did it, Bubble.” He smiled proudly too.

Without thinking twice she jumped into his arms, saber forgotten, along with any clear thought. His arms hugged her by the waist and spun around. Their laughter filled the air, her head tilted to the back and the most beautiful smile on her lips while his eyes admired every second of it.

When her feet touched the ground, his arms were still around her waist making him crouch down a little, her hands on her shoulder. They were breathing the same air, their noses were mere centimetres from touching. She was swimming in his blue eyes, he was living in her lips. Gently, his head tilted to the side, still looking at her lips, and her hands travelled to his neck, her thumbs ghosting his Adam’s apple.

Timidly, they started shorting the distance. Her hands tangled in his hair, and his fingers went under the hem of her t-shirt, touching her skin and making a shiver run down her spine. His eyes caught the moment the tip of her tongue wet her lips and his knees almost gave in.

With how close they were, their eyes met. How beautiful her eyes shine. Not even the calmest, most clear ocean, could compare to those eyes. Slowly, he nuzzled her nose with the tip of his and she closed her eyes pleased, her lashes caressing her cheeks. Her nails ran down his scalp and it was his turn to smile pleased, his head falling back and the feeling of a single wet kiss under his jaw blurred his brain.

He called her name like a prayer, in a whisper, as if it was his only angel and he didn’t want anyone to hear him, to steal her from him. She pressed herself tighter against him. Even with layers of clothes in between them, he could feel her nipples against his chest. The breathless way she said his name, the way she purred it, made him die and go to hell and heaven back twice.

Only the finest of papers could be between their lips, that close they were. Hayden felt the curve of her lips on his, slightly, and that was what brought him back to the real world. What the hell were you thinking? Are you that out of your mind? Painfully, dying inside, he pulled himself apart from her. Putting as much distance as he could because he knew that succumbing to his desires at that moment would be inappropriate and could potentially ruin the sweet relationship that they had built.

Confusion adorned her sweet face. “I’m sorry, Bubble.” She tried to take a step closer to him but he took one back. “I-I ca-I can’t.” His eyes watched how pain took over her features and it was like a knife twisted in his heart. For a few seconds, she looked down. “Bubble-”

Looking at him, with watery eyes, “I get it” She took a step back.

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head. “It’s not like that, I-”

“I’ve got to go.” The way he saw his demeanour change, like that day in October back in 2019, when she built walls inside her, killed him. He never wanted her to build those walls for him to not be able to see her true self, hell he never wanted her to feel any kind of pain and certainly not because of him.

“Goodbye.” No Hayden, no Moose. Simply Goodbye. Well done, idiot. Well, fucking done.

He wanted to scream that it wasn’t her the problem, that his insecure self was the problem. That he wanted her, but his feelings were a mess, that he was a mess. That his last real relationship went so bad that he was afraid of fucking things up with her and losing her.

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