#i don't blame the people who didn't ~allow me in their spaces~ because it's a *symptom* of the world which i grew up in. it's not the cause

[uncanny-tranny]

The weirdest dichotomy I've felt as a trans man is that, when I was a kid, I knew I was never allowed into a "sisterhood." I always felt like an interloper around girls, and, because girls can be observant and intelligent (despite popular belief), I was treated as an interloper.

Now, as an adult, I'm treated like I was always part of "A Sisterhood" that I shunned, that I refused to join, so I ought to be punished for that horrific transgression.

I absolutely know other trans men* who did feel part of girlhood/womanhood, and there is literally nothing wrong with that. However, I just find it frustrating to be... denied my own experiences, my own story by (mostly cis) people who are uncomfortable with the idea that some people never felt part of "their circle." It's a weird arm of transphobia that simultaneously expells you from conformity but also blames you for not conforming (because you were never even given the opportunity to conform because, again, you were forced out of any space to conform to). Do you see what I mean?

[furiousgoldfish]

When you're a child of an abusive parent, you experience rejection, shame, guilt, and the pain of 'not being good enough', almost on a daily basis. Your parents make it clear they're not proud of you; they want to change everything on you, you're not what they wanted to have as a part of their family, they're ready to leave you on the street any second if they could. Sometimes they'll even threaten it directly, making it clear they're willing and eager for it.

This is a complete emotional abandonment, because not only they don't care about your experience of life and safety, but they wouldn't care what kind of fear, pain and danger you'd be exposed to if you were homeless. And children can feel that, they know their own parents are rejecting them, finding them of zero value, worthless and unwanted. This causes an existential rift in children because our biology is based on our parents accepting us, caring for us, protecting us, caring about our emotions and everything that happens to us, and this is where we draw our feeling of value, and feeling of care for ourselves; we need to be taught this trough experiences of being protected and loved. When parents decide to abandon all parental instincts and instead treat you like a stranger who's intruding in their home and should be paying to stay there, the entire concept falls apart.

This makes children feel like they have no value, because if their own parents don't want them, like them, or care for them, who else could? We're born into the world where we're told that all parents love their children, even if the children become bad, that the instinct to love your own child is so strong that everything else falls behind, but then our parents see our every feature as a reason to not love us, to abandon us. All a child can do at this point is to assume they're so bad, so intrinsically worthless, horrible and intolerable, that they cannot be loved. And from everything they've seen and experienced in this world, this checks out. If all parents love their children, no matter how bad, there must be something horrifyingly wrong with us if our parents don't do that. 

I remember feeling that if even my parents won't love me, then nobody will. If they don't want me, I must be worthless, I must be redundant, an excess that this world never wanted. I felt that I had no place in this world, because nobody could possibly want me. It didn't make sense to even be alive; nothing made sense, why I was born made no sense.

Once you're in that hopeless place where nothing makes sense, it's incredibly hard to pull yourself out of that. Because no, there's layers and layers of lies this had been built on, there's no human being who doesn't deserve the parental love, who is intrinsically worthless or unlovable. There is nobody whose life is without sense, who has no space on this earth. Because as soon as we're born, we have our life, and then the right to exist belongs to us, the right to lead our life the way we want to, belongs to us. We're just being consistently told that this is not the case; that our job is meeting expectations, that if our parents don't love us, it's to do with us, and nothing could possibly be blamed on them, we're being told that our parents want the best for us even when it's a complete lie. We're told that 'feeling unlovable' is our own problem and not the consequence of years of abuse and neglect.

It's not acknowledged how devastating it is that people who have to deal with those heavy feelings are children, who are so young, and so blameless for the lack of love and care they receive from their family. That living in a place where your own blood, your own family displays hatred for you, is devastating on children's self perception and self worth, and it makes them experience a reality where the whole world hates them, where future doesn't exist for them, where they're without value and not even allowed to have a point of view. An adult would become crushed and struggle to survive under such circumstances, it's sick to force it on the children. It's only normal to keep struggling with this for a long time after being exposed to it during your upbringing. This is a type of torture and no child deserved that. It comes with consequences and nobody will even acknowledge it.

I would love to offer advice on how to stop feeling like your value is non-existent, but the way I dealt with it seems to just be the dissociative disorder, that entire trauma is contained in one alter so I don't have to feel it. Once I was removed from that emotional pain, I was able to recognize that my life belongs to me, and I decide what I'm worth, and what my sense in life will be. I get to make my own rules, my own standards for what is valuable, what traits I will hold in high esteem, what I will like, support and appreciate, both in myself and others. I was able to want to protect my life regardless of what my family says should happen to it, because the control of my life should always belong to me, and no other should get a say. This is mine, it will be mine until my last breath. If they gave me life with a concrete plan on how I should accommodate their lives and make it easier for them, they should have thought to buy a robot instead; you don't decide on a life of a person. I owe nothing to a creator who made a plan for me to suffer; I get to feel disdain and disgust towards any person who brought a life to a place of suffering and pain. It's inhumane, irresponsible, selfish, horrifically neglectful and shows no regard for human life. It's incompatible with any kind of a happy life. I get to look down on them. They did wrong and I am suffering the consequences. My life should have been mine from day one. They should have been looking for ways to support me to live it the way I want to. It was their one job.

[lanadelnegan]

Hi there! This is my first time doing an ask so I hope I'm doing it correctly! If you want to, can you do dead city Negan x female reader who is traveling with Maggie and she and Maggie had been friends even before Glenn and she used to be in Rick's group and Negan really liked her in the later seasons but never did anything about it until he was traveling with her and Maggie and then they end up talking and having sex? If you don't want to do this, just ignore!

are you kidding me? YES. I've been wanting to do dead city negan so I am so excited for this one. Hope you love it. xx

Knock Knock

DeadCity!Negan x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, dead city season 1 spoilers, vaginal sex (riding), hot hot hot smut.

"Knock knock.... I said.. knock knock." I glance around the corner to see Negan bashing a man's head through the glass windows.

"Butter." He answers himself. ".... Butter who? Well you butter get out your umbrellas cause it is about to goddamn rain." I watch from a distance as he slices the man's throat and blood sprays down from the second floor down.

He throws the man over the railing before turning back towards Maggie and me. I lock eyes with him and I... think I finally get him.

"Move! Go!" He quickly leads the three of us away from the chaos. Although my brain switches to survival mode, I'm still somehow hyper aware of the fact that Negan's hand doesn't leave my lower back the entire time we're running.

I've always been physically attracted to Negan, although I'd never admit that to anyone, especially Maggie. I've known Maggie longer than anyone from our group and I love her like a sister... And I loved Glenn like a brother.

The day we met Negan, our lives changed forever. I told myself I'd never fall for anyone, because I couldn't allow myself to ever go through the pain I had to watch Maggie go through... That we all had to go through. I try not to get attached to many people because my biggest fear is losing the people I love.

I don't forgive Negan, but watching what he did earlier.. I think I understand who he is now. His charisma is his weapon. And it works.

"....... y/n ...... "Y/n?!" I snap my head towards Maggie's voice. "Why are you staring at him like that?!" She whispers angrily at me.

I look back at Negan sleeping on the mattress on the floor next to us. We managed to escape and found a small abandoned space to allow us to rest for a bit. We - well, I.. offered to let Negan sleep first since he's refused to shut his eyes once since we got here two days ago.

And as I sit here staring at him, I can't help but think.. he trusts us to look after things while he sleeps. We could slit his throat right now, but he.. trusts us. And we're seriously turning him in to the Croat? I'd do anything to get Hershel back and I don't blame Maggie for what she's doing. But.. tricking him seems.. wrong. He agreed to help because he wanted to.. because he cares.. and we're using him. My stomach aches at the thought.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Maggie snaps again.

I glance at her before staring at the floor in front of me. There's no point in explaining my thoughts to her. Nothing is going to stop her plan, and I don't even know if I want her to stop the plan. I want Hershel back too. I just wish there was another way that didn't involve.. hurting him.

"I don't know what your problem is, y/n. But you've barely said a word since yesterday. Get it together. Remember the plan... I'm going to search the building to see our exit options. Stay here and keep your eyes on him.. since you don't seem to have a problem doing that."

I ignore her attitude and continue staring at the floor as she walks past me, leaving me in the quiet room with Negan.

When the door click shuts, Negan lets out a loud sigh and my eyes widen at him. His eyes are still shut but he finally speaks. "She's right, ya know?"

I stare at him, waiting for him to explain what he means. "You have been weird since yesterday. What's on your mind, girl?"

"Why would I tell you?"

He turns his eyes towards me, still laying on his back with his hand resting behind his head.

"When are you gonna drop the act, y/n?"

"What act?"

"The one where you pretend you don't want my dick."

I scoff and lean forward. "You can't be serious. The only one here who knows how to put on a show.. is you."

"And how is that exactly?"

I think about his little performance earlier. ".... You pretend you're some scary badass so that people will be scared of you. You put on these little shows so people think you're crazy and end up giving in to you."

He just laughs. "I don't have to pretend to be a badass, darlin'."

I roll my eyes, annoyed that he missed the point.

He eyes me curiously. "And so what if I put on a show? It works, don't it?" His grin stretches wider.

"Yeah, you did a great job traumatizing our entire community. Congrats, Negan."

His smirk slowly fades and he sits up on the mattress, his back leaning against the wall behind him.

"Y/n, how many times do I have say I'm sorry? I live with the guilt every goddamn day. Isn't that punishment enough?"

I scoff. "You could get down on your knees and beg and it still wouldn't be enough."

His eyebrows raise playfully at my suggestion but I ignore him.

"Look, Negan. I'm probably the only one in our group that has any empathy towards you. And I'm not proud to admit that. But the times we live in.. I know that people have to do things in order to survive. Not that what you did was okay, but.. I.. I get it now."

He just nods acceptingly, so I get up, my ass numb from sitting on the hard floor. I grab a granola bar out of my backpack and go sit next to him on the mattress.

"I'm sitting here because my ass hurts, not because I want to be next to you." I explain before taking a bite out of my granola bar. I offer him the rest and he accepts it. We sit in silence for a moment before we look at each other.

I can't help but study his face, noticing the gray hairs spread throughout his beard. He has more wrinkles around his eyes than the "old Negan" and it gives him a softer look than before. For a moment I let myself imagine what it would be like to be with him and forget all the bad he's done.

"What are you thinking about right now?" He deep voice is barely above a whisper and I don't miss the way his eyes quickly dart to my mouth.

Before I give myself time come to my senses, I lean forward and press my lips to his. I can tell he's caught off guard but he eventually kisses me back, allowing my tongue to slide past his lips. I moan softly into his mouth before pulling back just enough to look at him and observe his reaction. His hazel brown eyes are blown with lust as he waits for my next move.

I know this is wrong but that somehow makes me want him more. I crash my lips against his again, kissing him harder this time. He turns his body more towards mine and brings his hand to the back of my neck to deepen our kiss.

Before I get too carried away, I stand up, walking to the door and shoving a couch in front of it just in case Maggie comes back soon.

Fuck... Maggie. Guilt washes over me and I stand still, contemplating what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

This is the apocalypse. People do bad things.. unforgiveable things. That's just the world we live in. I give myself a mental pep talk and take my shirt off before I can change my mind. I slide my pants down and kick them to the side before walking back over to Negan.

I stand over him as he sits with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him.

He pats his lap and smirks up at me. "Have a seat, darlin'."

I sit down, straddling his lap with my knees on either side of him on the mattress. His large, rough hands grip my hips and he looks up at me. My lips find their way back to his again and I bring my hands up, cupping his face as I allow myself to get lost in the taste of his mouth.

He groans softly and I feel him grow underneath me. I break the kiss to look down between us and notice the large bulge in his pants.

"Your dick better be as big as you act like it is." I warn him while unbuttoning his pants. His hands remain glued to my hips and he smirks up at me, like he wants to see my face when I see his dick for the first time.

I unzip his pants and pull out his fully erect cock. He's long, heavy and thick in my hand and my mouth slightly drops open at the sight of it.

"See, darlin'? It wasn't an act." I can't tear my eyes away from it long enough to see his proud grin stretched across his handsome face.

I'm pretty sure my cheeks are just as red as the tip right now. While I'm admiring him, I feel his hand reach for my ass and squeeze before he slowly slips his fingers underneath my panties from behind. The tip of his middle finger finds my already soaked opening and he pushes his finger in me, causing me to moan while he chuckles darkly.

His finger slides out of me before he brings it up to his mouth, sucking my juices off. "God, baby." He moans at the taste, rolling his eyes back in his head dramatically. "You taste fucking amazing."

I blush at the sight of him tasting me and lift myself up over him until he's at my entrance. His hands are back on my hips as he guides me, looking down between us. He watches himself disappear inside of me and groans with satisfaction.

"Fuuuuck, baby. Look. At. That."

I slowly slide down on him before stopping half way.

"Come on doll, you can take more than that." He encourages me.

I try to sit all the way down on him but it hurts too bad. I've never had something in me so deep and there's still a good three more inches to go. I shake my head, "Negan.. I can't. It's too big."

He laughs and bends his knees, his feet resting on the mattress now, before thrusting up into me without warning. I gasp at the sudden pain.

"Just had to break the barrier, baby." He smiles up at me and I almost slap him before I realize I'm now able to slide down on his length all the way to his balls. I feel every inch of him pressed tightly against my inner walls. My arms wrap around his shoulders as I rock myself back and forth, trying my best to make room for him, but he fills the space inside of me completely.

He groans from the sensation and bites down on the skin between my neck and shoulder. I'm too caught up in how good this feels to worry about him leaving a mark on me.

My pussy pulses at how good he feels in me and he must feel it because he lets out another satisfied groan.

"Fuck darlin', if you squeeze me any tighter I'm not gonna be able to control myself."

I lean back a little, my arms still holding onto him and look into his eyes. I adjust, allowing myself to easily bounce up and down on his cock now. He slams my hips down on him roughly with each bounce and the feeling of his tip pushing against my cervix over and over causes my face to flush red and the butterflies in my stomach to travel south. My mouth is dropped open slightly as I stare at him, unable to even form a sound. I'm not a virgin by any means, but this feels like nothing I've ever experienced in my life.

He stares back at me grinning like he can hear my thoughts. "Let me hear you, baby. How good does daddy make you feel?"

"So. Fucking. Good. Oh my goddd." I bounce on him faster and moan loudly.

"That's it, baby." He grunts out. "Such a good fucking girl."

"Negan.. I'm-" I can't even finish my sentence before my orgasm catapults me into another dimension. He watches my face closely as I come apart around him.

The sound of walkers suddenly appear behind the door and I hear Maggie coming down the hall, stabbing them one by one.

"Oh fuck." My eyes widen as I look at him. I try to jump off him but he slams me back down on him.

"No way baby, you're finishing what you started."

I panic when I hear her get closer. "Negan!" I whisper yell at him. "Fuck.. just.. cum in me!"

This time his eyes widen at me.

"We don't have time to clean up!" I explain. "Cum in me. Now."

He thrusts up into a couple more times before his hips halt and I feel his dick pulsing inside me over and over. His head is dropped back against the wall as he cums and I watch him bite his bottom lip to suppress his moans.

I quickly jump off him and set a world record with how fast I throw my clothes on. Negan shoves himself back in his pants and zips them up. I move the couch from the doorway and fling the door open, helping Maggie finish off the rest of the walkers.

She looks at me annoyed while she shoves past me. "What the hell took you so long to come help?!"

I follow Maggie back into the room. She finds Negan laying on his back again with his eyes shut, like he never moved an inch before eyeing me suspiciously. Warm liquid suddenly pools uncomfortably in my underwear and I shrug at her, biting back a grin at the sight of Negan "sleeping."

He really is a good actor.

This was so fun to write. Thank you for the request!!!

[queer-questions-and-polls]

Ok genuinely I've seen too much of this bullshit fighting between fem & masc trans people on my fyp to not talk about it so here we go:

To all trans people:

your experiences are your own. some people are gonna have it worse than others and that has not a lot to do with if your androgens, fem or masc. Stop acting like it does.

Yes their are gender specific trans problems, and yes, we do need our own spaces to talk about and realise each others problems are incredibly real. but that doesn't mean anyone is better than anyone else or that anyone had it harder. We are all in the same fucking boat. Please hold this discussion until we are legally allowed to be alive & be ourselves almost everywhere, because if we just fight each other for this and not join hands to fight for our rights (or even fight to keep the ones we have), we're all dead.

On to another thing:

some people really need to stop idolising all fem alliend people. (As one myself) It's really ignorant and makes you rationalise anything a fem person does so you blame the masc person. Guess what? masculinity (that isn't toxic) actually isn't a big scary moster that wants to hurt you, neither is feminity

(I'm not talking about trans fems. I'm talking about people who present fem. That ranges from trans fems to fem boys and everything in between)

Now to my trans peps who have trauma with masculinity:

It's okay if you inherently think of masculinity as a bad think as a result of trauma, trust me it's okay I'm undoing that thought process at the moment. For a while I forced myself into the nonbinary label because I hated masculinity but feminity didn't feel right or like me. It wasn't good for me.

But please don't take that out on others. I promise you most trans people have had this problem at least once. We know how it feels but we shouldn't have feel bad to make others feel better.

In conclusion:

If you hate people based on gender presentation/gender in general your going to miss out on so many good opportunities & relationships.

We are all just people who have dealt with lots of sides of the gender spectrum and the way your treated in those groups as a newcomer.

But I'm only a silly boyflux person whose not going to pass until top surgery, so i guess ignore me if you want. I know most of you will.

I'm also sorry if I'm coming off as aggressive, that wasn't my intention. I'm just really tired of this.

Found this gem in the transadrophobia tag.

Edit: I'm sorry if I was transadrophobic or transmisognstic in this post at all. I was trying hard to be neutral, because I have an extremely positive experience with feminity and a horrible but slowly healing one with masculinity which is detailed here

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

A forbidden love.

König x Fem reader.

A colonel arrives at your house to live with you and your husband's family, you weren't expecting to fall for the man who imprisoned him.

«You and I. We'll see each other again mein Engel, you will see me but not as a soldier, you will not even recognize me and you will be a new woman, a different person»

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Warning: image is not mine, spelling and grammatical errors, it is not so long and I admit it's not so good.

You met your husband a few years ago, your parents were the kind of people who believe in marriage alliances, at a very young age you forgot about any possibility to find someone else and fall in love like normal people do.

When you married you went to live with your new husband and his family, to be more precise, his mother, an arrogant woman, it was a silent battle between you and her, your parents died and their business passed to your husband, you never asked what he was into, until one night during his business trips, he didn't come back.

You saw his face on tv, wearing an orange suit, he was in prison, money, drugs and weapons traffic plus some other dark things.

They found your husband thanks to a private military group, he was in a hotel room unconscious because of all the drugs in his system, all his security staff died.

Thanks to that, now you will receive the visit of one of those soldiers, you will share your house with him, your mother in law told you he was an enemy, you needed to be at your husband's side, you wouldn't be allowed to talk to him or be in the same room as him.

- He's here, look at my Y/N, you're not allowed to talk to him, do you understand?

- Yes.

You muttered, As soon as your mother in law opened the door, a giant black shadow filled the doorframe. He's tall, wearing black clothes and combat boots, blue eyes, that's the only thing you can see of his face, he hides himself under a black mask. His voice is actually very kind and calmed.

- Good morning ladies, I'm König, i will try not to bother you.

You were going to say something but then you remembered what you promised, so you simply nodded and stayed closing the door while your mother in law showed him his provisional room.

During dinner you and your mother in law were gossiping, you still weren't understanding what he was doing there.

- So... König will stay... For how long?

- Don't call him by his name! (She yelled at you, a few minutes of uncomfortable silence later she continued speaking) ...Until they can find something else to blame your poor husband or until he finds if we're involved in his business.

He did what he promised, you rarely see him and today is one of those few times. You were carrying some boxes full of clothes and stuff you're not planning to use anymore, they're heavy and some help would be great but no, you can't.

König sees you and goes to offer his help which clearly you ignore it.

- Excuse me, Can I help you? I have to check those boxes anyways.

No response.

- You can say no, miss.

You continue your way to the car, putting the boxes in the backseat and go back inside the house. The same afternoon, while you're in the garden reading, you see him again. He approaches you, and offers you a cigarette, you neglect with your head, you think that will be enough and he will leave you but he starts to talk.

- I usually am the one who applies the treatment silence, I understand if you hate me.

- I don't hate you.

You muttered, your voice is almost a whisper, thank god König has a good ear.

- Can I take a seat?

He points at the empty space at your side, you agree.

- you say you don't hate me, but your attitude says something else.

- My husband's mother... She almost puts a gun in my head, I'm not allowed to talk to you, but I don't hate you.

- Well, she's not here right now, feel free to talk, I'm here doing my job but that doesn't mean I'm YOUR enemy, just your husband's enemy.

You laugh at his joke, for the first time in years you laugh, and for König is beautiful, the most beautiful sound. How can someone like you have a husband like that man he captured.

- Are you married, König?

- I was, then she left me.

- I'm sorry, at least she let you go, my husband keeps me here and now he is in prison while I have to live under his mother's eye.

- Why are you married to that man?

- My parents. It was an alliance between them and him, he now is in charge of my parents business, I don't owe nothing of this.

You talked for hours, discovering all the chemistry between you and him, the secret conversations turned into something essential in your day by day with him, but secrets cannot be hidden forever.

Your mother in law told you, she noticed the way you blush when he's around, the small smiles you send him, she will not allow it, you will not abandon her son.

- The only thing I expect from you is to be loyal!

-But I am!

- You are a friend of our enemy! How can you talk to him knowing well he was the one who... Sent your husband to that prison! When I see him I would like to put a bullet in his skull!

You've been loyal, you don't want problems so the wall between you and him goes back, until one day when you go to the room where könig spends almost his entire time, you're curious about his investigations.

Papers, pictures, files, you started to think about how stupid it was to go and spy on him until one of the files with your name catches your attention.

Talk about your and your husband's family, marriage and then... A small text about another woman, apparently your husband has another wife and children. You felt betrayed, you had a big discussion with your mother in law, she tried to justify her son but nothing worked, finally there was a reason to leave, to not be loyal anymore.

- I refuse to be in this marriage any longer! I will not stay here to support a husband who never loved me and never showed me the minimum affection!

- YOU DON'T HAVE WHERE TO GO Y/N! YOU'RE NOTHING! LESS THAN NOTHING WITHOUT MY SON!

König heard the discussion, he wanted to hold you, tell you how important you are, show you how sweet and amazing you are, but he can't interfere and mix his work and his feelings.

The same night he was in his room finishing some paperwork when you knocked on his door wearing a nightgown, puffy eyes, plump lips and red cheeks, you quickly jumped on his arms hiding your face in the crook of his neck, at first he hesitated but quickly forgot the rules, fuck the job, fuck everybody else, it's just you and him, he quit his mask and you saw him, the scars, his lips, his jaw. He was gentle, he treated you softly but at the same time showed you how does it feel to be desired by someone.

For the first time in life you felt love, passion, desire, you became addicted to him, his perfume, his lips, his eyes on you, his hands and arms around you at every opportunity you had, both fell in this passional frenzy and the fear of losing him grew inside you, because, eventually he would leave and you wouldn't see him again.

- What's wrong, Meine Liebe?

- You will leave and what will happen to me?

König doesn't say anything, he just hugs you tightly, he loves you, of course he does but... He thinks you deserve better, a better life that he probably can't give you, at least that's his way to think since his ex-wife abandoned him with that excuse «I deserve a life that you can't give me» .

You've been thinking about a way to help König, you want your freedom, leave your husband, you don't want money, you simply want to leave him and live your own life, you were cleaning your closet when a small hidden door is behind one of your drawers, there's a bunch of documents and passwords, you read them quickly and indeed was information that could sentence to years of prison not only your husband but his mother too.

It worked, König found a way to help you, his testimony and reports about what he saw during those weeks with you were enough to get witness protection programs for you, you would go to live in a new country with a new identity, a chance to start again. For him there wasn't a better way to demonstrate how much he loved you.

You were in the airport with him, waiting for your flight, it was a bitter goodbye, you were sniffing, sobbing and crying, why does he not understand your life wouldn't be complete without him?.

- Will I ever see you again?

- Oh Mein süßes Mädchen (my sweet girl) you deserve a better life, a better man and a better love.

He was holding you, caressing your hair, you were crying and pleading him to stay with you.

- I don't want no one else but you, why don't you understand that? We can keep this in secret!

«Flight 150 with destiny to...»

- Es tut mir Leid (sorry) it is time to go, mein Engel.

- I love you König, I really do.

You look up at him, his blue eyes seem tired and sad, you understand the fact that he can't risk his credibility and his job, but you can't understand why he can't accept you want to stay at his side, it could be a secret, there's no need to tell someone about it. After a long hug you decide to part, you were walking to the entrance of the tunnel where your flight awaits when he called your name.

- Y/N, wait!

You were expecting he reconsidered your situation, he approached you and hugged you again pressing his forehead against yours, whispering.

- You and I. We'll see each other again mein Engel, you will see me but not as a soldier, you will not even recognize me and you will be a new woman, a different person. Ich liebe dich, y/n.

Months passed by and you, indeed, became a new person, there's a new woman inside you, but you still think about him, in the middle of the night when there's nobody at your side to hug you, when you need the warmth and the touch of someone, you think about him every time you observe the blue grey skies at rainy days, you wonder if he still remember you, if he's okay.

König still thinks about you, he keeps an eye on you not only because it's his job it's because he also cares about you, he knows you opened a small flower shop, your new address, you're single, you're not dating no one, he knows for you it's okay in the day because you're busy but the problem it's at night, the lights of your bedroom are on until the first hours of the morning, you sit in front of the window for hours observing the sky, he knows that feeling, the emptiness inside you it is the same he experimented too.

It's a torture for him to see you like that and is also a pain in his chest to be far from you, incapable to kiss you, hug you, taste you, love you. He never felt so weak and powerless, he needed you.

He took the closest flight to your new country, he doesn't care anymore if people know he's going to see you, he just wants you back.

You were closing your store when you heard a voice, the voice you could recognize anywhere.

- Excuse me, I would like to buy flowers for the woman I love.

You turned to look at the person behind you, there he is, that brown soft hair, his blue eyes, the prominent and straight nose, the scars on his face, his jaw, the neck that one day was your safe place.

He's nervously smiling at you, his eyes scream how much he begs you to forgive him.

Your eyes are full of tears while you smile, both are in front of each other, after months living in pure torture, both are finally there, he was right, you both would see each other again.

[justtryingtobecreative]

Neteyam x human reader

Chapter 1

(Tw: A fuckload of smut + size kink)

Summary: Neteyam and Y/n have been best friends since childhood, but lately your big blue guy has been acting strange. It all comes to a head when the both of you have a bit too much to drink... and have to deal with the repercusions in the morning.

The reader is referred to as 'she' or 'you'. Neteyam and reader are aged up to twenty-one.

Disclaimer: Neteyam wil never ever ever die on my page, because fuck that.

It had been a couple years since the small group of human's were allowed to join the clan. Although they were considered outsiders even after al they went through together. It was still hard being part of "The sky people", but you were glad to live here anyway.

You had been a friend of the sully kids for years. But if you were honest Neteyam and you had always been the closest, over the years you and Neteyam became thick as thieves, not one day spend apart.

That is how you became close with the other Na'vi of your age, your smaller form constantly seen with Neteyams friends. They ofcourse did things without you, but all the things you could do with them they gladly took you with.

Neytiri, Neteyams mom still thought of you as a 'sky demon' but honestly considering the circumstances you didn't blame her.

Problems began to arrise as you entered adulthood, people around Neteyam were expecting him to take a mate soon. Your blue guy remained cool on the outside, but in private he told you his reasons for not taking a mate yet.

He told you one quiet evening by the fire, just a few days before a big celebration in the clan honoring Eywa. You two tired and burned out after helping prepare the decorations.

"I guess i am just waiting for something." Your big blue guy had muttered when you asked, before grasping your hand.

His eyes were closed and he looked lost in thought, the spots on his nose lighting up in the darkness. He was beautifull. You weren't stupid enough to deny that, you knew he had many unmated female suitors.

That totally did not at all bother you.

You give his leg a pat, "I guess i understand that.. I have a feeling your dad and Norm are trying to get me and spider together.." you let out a loud scoff before giving your friend a nudge "They will surely relent soon"

They had indeed tried to get you alone with Spider all week. Creating strange scenarios like a fusebox broken in the basement that you and spider had to fix, But 'accidentally' losing the key locking you in for about two hours. There had been multiple other 'broken' things that had never broken before and them being locked in small spaces.

Neteyam's face turned toward yours in a flash startling you a bit, he seemed to gather himself before sighing "Just what are these people up to.." he muttered with a strange expression on his face. He just pulled you under his arm, his bare skin brushing across your neck.

You shivered at the touch, a warm sensation settling into your chest. "Don't worry you big blue alien, your still my number one guy" you joked trying to cheer him up. It didn't really work and the small smile on your lips fell quickly.

After a while of loud silence he spoke up again, "Do you like him?" He asked in a wary tone, reseating himself. He seemed slightly insecure, which wasn't something you saw often.

"Who?" You asked bluntly.

"Spider"

You remained silent for a second, really thinking about the question. You didn't really feel a lot for spider except friendship, but you did admit that the efforts of Jake and Norm had changed something there.

You knew Spider thought the same, you two would just be friends for now but after everyone else around you get mated you both will get together as well.

"It's just friendship for now" You muttered softly looking him in the eye, his pupils dilating. You looked at your grasped hands, you were so different but also strangely the same. Those realisations of the fast differences between you and your best friend came often, these days it made you a bit sad though.

"Its friendship.... for now" He muttered seemingly more to himself before sitting up straight and removing his arm from your shoulders. The skin there now feeling strangely bare. You stared at him with wide eyes.

You didn't like this behavior, at all.

Neteyam stood up a bit too fast for it to be normal, him starting to walk away instantly.

"Teyam?" You yelled as you basically had to jog to keep up with his fast pace. "Are you allright? Is something the matter?"

Neteyam threw his hands in the air in exasperation letting out a frustrated groan, his arm almost hitting you in the face.

He sighed, his eyes turning distant "Just.... just.. I'll see you in two days at the party, im going ...away for a few days." He muttered with an unsetling sigh. He strolled away fast, and you knew you would be too slow to follow him.

This wasn't like the normally calm and gentle Neteyam at all, and a sinking feeling dropped in your stomach as you remembered the tortured look on his face as he left.

~~~

It was the next morning that kiri told you her brother had indeed left, he had bargained with his father for permission. After a while even Neytiri had caved, understanding that their eldest son was responsible enough to go into the wildernis alone.

The days leading up to the party were long and incredibly boring without Neteyam there. And for the first time ever you found yourself missing his touch. You wondered why you hadn't noticed the strain between the two of you before. It now seemed so stupid.

~~~

It was finally the day of the party, and with a bit of bargaining from their side you, Kiri and Tuk had all made a full day out of it. The celebration would start in the evening, and everyone needed to look the part too. So you were all picking out options together.

The Na'vi brought out their best jewelry, tops and loincloth's. You had completely refused to wear anything Kiri had recommended at first, most of the clothes showing wayy more skin than you were comfortable with.

In the end you had settled for a short twirly dress, you Kiri and Tuk had filled it with gorgeous beading and shiny gems. The colour of the beading reflected in colourfull lines around your eyes, your arms covered with painted blue lines. All in all you looked gorgeous, not in the Na'vi way, but in your own.

You could honestly say that even with the dress showing your legs, arms and a bit of upper boob, it was still better than wearing a literal bikini. You were NOT the same as Spider in that regard, who was covered in painted stripes and only in his underwear most of the time.

Kiri and tuk, who were wearing absolutely gorgeous jewelry and beaded loincloths walked next to you as you crossed camp to get to the top of the tempe. All around you the Na'vi were painted and done up just as the Sully family would be.

A heavy feeling settled in your stomach,

Kiri put a soft hand on your arm in support "It will turn out allright, im sure you'll have fun." She whispered as you walked onward together.

The temple had been decorated beautifully with colourfull cloth hung on walls and glowing plants decorating the branches above you casting the crowd in a blue light.

The place looked absolutely aetherial. You had to take a shaky breath to settle your nerves.

Located on the other side of the crowd on a higher platform than the others sat the current Olo'eyktan and Tsahìk, also known as Jake and Neytiri. Their clothes were decorated even more intricately than the people in the crowd, with big feathers and glowing facepaint showing of their catlike features.

Jake stood up starting his speech, but right at that exact moment your gaze fell upon a stern looking Neteyam standing a bit behind his father. He was wearing one of his intricate loincloth's, his face painted with orange stripes that complimented his yellow eyes perfectly. In the soft light you noticed the toned muscles and broad shoulders Neteyam now posessed. Not to mention the beautifull braids that framed his face.

He looked, handsome...attractive,

You saw him search te crowd with his eyes, but as his intense stare met your own you quickly looked away. He had totally caught you staring, you thought as a blush spread on your cheeks.

You patted your warm cheeks as you gathered yourself, "Oh noo, this isn't good" you murmured a bit too loud. Kiri giving you a strange look.

Jake was apparently finished with his speech as the tribal music of the Na'vi began playing. It seemed tonight was a sort of dancing/socialising occasion as people either went to talk to people they knew or to dance.

Tuk pulled you with her taking your arms and wiggling them about basically making you dance with her. You laughed as she spoke,  "let's dance y/n!" Tuk yelled loudly as she twirled you around.

Kiri grasped on of both of your hands, joining your little circle with a soft smile. Dancing here together like this felt so special, so magnificent that for a moment you forgot the war and the confusing feelings you had for Neteyam.

After what felt like hours and after Spider and Lo'ak had joined your little group a little while back, you finally excused yourself to get something to eat. Only you weren't really hungry at all.

You strolled to a quiet corner your eyes scrolling past the crowd in search of one particulair Na'vi. And finally you found him,

On the other side of the crowd, just visible through all the wiggling bodies. Was Neteyam, he stood against the far wall of the room. His face blank of emotion, his eyes intently fixed on.. you?

It was like you were magnetic, both drawn to eachother as you started through the crowd toward him. You noticed Jake Sully demanding attention from the Na'vi at the front, allready starting a speech. A small glance showed that he had skiretshe a sort of Na'vi drink held in the air, you didn't stop your pace toward Neteyam but the crowd was too dense to get through because of Jake's sudden speech.

The people around you started passing on goblets of the Na'vi alcohol, and it was for sure about to be some kind of ritual thing. As a Na'vi you recognised as one of Neteyam's friends handed you a small cup, only the bottom filled with the drink. He gave you a teasing smile at your questioning look before making his way through the crowd again.

Norm had told you to stay away from the drink, he had said one sip of the stuff was equal to two shots of vodka. You didn't know what vodka was, but you doubted it was really that bad. And who would you be to refuse a gift?

You glanced at the greenish liquid that sloshed about in the cup, you counted about five sips maybe more. What was honestly the worst that could happen?

A loud cheer ran through the temple as Jake finished his speech, you bringing the drink to your mouth in one fluid motion just as the people around you had done, you chugging the bitter liquid down.

You almost hurled it back out, but thankfully stopped yourself.

Your eyes ran to the other side of the room again, Neteyam placing down his much larger cup no doubt formerly filled with skiretshe on a nearby table.

The travel toward your friend felt way farther than before as the blue light of the plants started to look even more magical than before, thereby distracting you.

Finally you broke free of the crowd, being elbowed a bit too many times in your rush. You suddenly found yourself stood in front of Neteyam, and a weight that had never been there before now rested in your stomach.

"Teyam?" You asked softly placing a tentative hand on his arm. He seemed transfixed on your features, him placing his hand on the side of your neck just below the oxygen mask. It was like he was checking your pulse,

He had his eyes closed for a second before he sighed. "Y/n I don't really have anything to say to you. I can't... be friends with you anymore... I just can't" his voice was like a knife to the heart.

"You can't decide to suddenly leave. I love.. i mean you are my best friend" You choked out stuttering over the words.

"You don't understand, i can't" he gritted his teeth. You went to place your hand on his arm but he pulled away harshly. He gave you a wide eyed stare Him rushing into a small alcove between two houses, no doubt trying to run once again.

You followed him into the shadowed alley, anger and confusion swirling in your stomach.

"Neteyam! You stop. Right. This. Second!" Your yell echoed through the alley,

He stopped with his back turned to you, you saw his jaw clench, his body shaking. The dark hid a lot of his other features, the spots on his back glowing.

You walked toward him, about to tap his back to get him to turn around. Before you could even graze him he turned his musculair body around. His tall form looming over you, you both standing a bit to close to one another.

He let out a breath, it fogging up the top of your oxygen mask. You could see his eyes glow in the dark, the edges of his face blurring.

He leaned into you and slowly cornered you between the wall and him. "I need you to push me away" He muttered inhaling into your hair, letting out a shaky breath.

The drink from before might have kicked in more than you thought as you spoke without any shame "Teyam, you could do anything to me. And i'd let you." Your hand touched muscle, your hand placed upon the underside of his stomach.

Neteyam let out a shaky breath, his cheeks turning a shade of purple. "I will then... i will do what i want to you" he slid his hands under your thighs lifting you up against the wall, basically stradling him. You let out a startled squeek.

You squirmed around a bit at the new position, you weren't nervous anymore probably due to the alcohol. But you were stradling him just over his loincloth, it felt a bit to good to rub against him.

He groaned "Please stop" his deep voice whispered in your ear "You should only do that if you are ready for everything".

You stopped for a second just looking at the man holding you, he looked beautifull like this, flushed, glowing and focussed on you. The warm undeniable yearning came back full force, your hips buckling toward him automatically.

You let out a moan, your cheeks warming up at the unfamiliar feeling between your legs. Neteyam groaned as well, slightly pressing himself against you. He attempted to place his forehead on yours, he let out a unsatisfied groan as his skin hit the glass.

You placed your arms around him in response your hands resting on his toned back, "Please.. i need to touch you" you gasped.

Neteyam seemed to think for a second before letting out a loud whistle, his Ikran appearing within minutes. He carried you on the back of the huge beast placing you down in front of him, making sure your body was still straddling his. He had a serious expression on his face, and bathed in the soft moonlight it was almost like he was years older.

He seemed selfassured, like he knew exactly what he was doing and what it would entail. A thought swirled around the back of your mind wondering if your family would notice you were both gone. You shook it off.

They took off right away, Neteyam holding onto you with one arm, pressing you against his body tightly. Once in a while he would give you a glance, you weren't sure what kind it was but you saw the hunger in his gaze.

While in the air it was largely quiet, and somewhere inside you sat the worry that he would be sober enough to refrain from touching you when you'd arrive. Your own hazy mind didn't even consider stopping, the entire thing had allready dampened your underwear anyway.

He guides the large winged beast downward making sure he decended right before the human lab. He grasped onto the small of your waist tightly and with a jump of the Ikran, you accidentally rub against him with the movement.

He gritted his teeth, "I need you...right. now." he breathed not waiting on a reply. He threw open the door closing it behind him in one fluid motion. Strolling toward your quarters without issue, having seen the inside of the lab countless of times.

His big Na'vi body made the trip in minutes whereas a human would have taken twice as long, you where reminded once again just how different you two were.

"Teyam?" You asked whilst trying to catch his gaze, he turned to you in question. "You really need to get an oxygen tank" you finished seeing the realisation in his eyes. He softly put you down on the ground.

"Im going to get it" Neteyam quickly left the room, giving you a few seconds to gather yourself and to take of your own mask. You took a deep breath in and out, fidling with a loose bead on your dress.

Your mind was growing hazier by the second, the alcohol hitting full force.You startled as Neteyam returned too soon, now standing before you with a gaze fixed intently on your form.

The ache inside your stomach became almost unbearable. Only one word slipping of your tongue "Please..." You breathed out.

The words brought new life to your best friend stood before you, his dark eyes fixed onto your dress. He stalked forward, his hands finding the dress instantly. When he couldn't find the clasp you felt his strong arms pull you fowards.

His hands felt the edges of the dress "I need this off right now" he muttered. "There is a zipper down the back.." Your voice felt stange coming out of your mouth, you turned your back toward him.

His fingers struggled with the small zipper for a second. "No, this is a waste of time" he muttered in your ear before pushing you forward a bit too harshly you grasping one of the metal edges of the bed in suprise.

"I am sorry, i will accept your anger later" he murmured before you heard a hash ripping sound, a chill running down your back.

"Oh. my. god." you let out, your mind running eight miles an hour your ruined dress barely clinging to your form. This until you felt a soft touch on your neck, this continueing downward as Neteyam placed soft kisses down your back.

"You wear too many clothes.." he groaned, his breath fanning your lower back. His hands grabbed your bra, simply tearing the clasp apart.

He helped you stand and turn toward him, pulling your dress and underwear of your body throwing the clothes behind him.

You shivered a bit, the cool air perking up your nipples. You automatically placed your hands around your body hiding the most 'indecent' places.

Neteyam stood stock still in front of you, his eyes dark and filled with unbridled lust. "You should remove those arms right now." there was a warning in his words. You hesitated for too long, your best friend walking closer to you.

His hands wrapped around your arms moving them to the side as he pushed you down on the bed, the metal groaning at the movement. You letting out a loud whine at the sudden move.

Neteyam hovered above you effectively pinning you down, placing his legs over yours to hold you still. He nuzzled his head into your neck, releasing a shaky breath.

His head moved upwards to stare into your eyes, not removing his hands of your wrists at all. Your face felt hot and your arms slightly ached from his strong grip, you were lost to the world.

He glanced down at your body, "You are soft" he leant his head down, nuzzling your left breast, his nose tickling the soft skin "Soft, and mine" he murmured. You let out a wanting moan at his words, Neteyam's eyes widening at the sound.

You glanced down at his body, "I want to see you," you whispered looking into his eyes, he normally would have hesitated, but at your own bare body laid out beneath him he only cared of touching your skin with his own.

He leant down expertly releasing the straps of his loincloth revealing the massive erection underneath. You gasped, your mouth filling with saliva at the sight.

Your hazy mind did not even consider it not fitting, more in awe at the lewd sight. Neteyam pulled you upward with one fluid motion placing you in the middle of the bed.

Neteyam grasped your chin softly turning your head toward him, "This is the last time i will ask you if you are sure," his eyes were half lidded, "If you let me kiss you, i won't be able to stop" he slightly pushed himself against you.

"I want you, all of you" you didn't hestitate softly placing your hands on his cheeks, looking him back in the eyes.

"I need you, to make love to me" You whispered softly giving him a small smile, his eyes darkening at the words.

Neteyam leant down covering your body with his, placing his weight on his arms and legs but making sure his torso covered most of yours. All you saw, thought and felt was Neteyam.

His lips hit yours in a kiss, your wet mouth finally covered by his as he deepened the kiss. You sucked on eachothers tongues, kissed his lips and shared saliva. The lewd sounds and little moans echoed through the room, the sounds hollow because of the metal.

His hand slid between your legs without warning making you let out a squeel, he felt around your folds, one of his fingers brushing over your clit, his rough hand hitting the spot harshly.

You let out a choked moan into his mouth, he removed his mouth from yours pausing to stare in your eyes. He experimentally went over te spot again, you letting out another moan beginning to pant slightly.

Neteyam smirked at you, a knowing look on his face as he moved his hand lower. You felt one of his four fingers circle around your entrance slowly covering his finger in your essence before reaching up and sucking his finger clean.

You let out a moan as his hand traveled downward again, him placing his palm on your clit and slowly dipping one of his fingers in your cunt.

His eyes ran over your face searching for any discomfort. When he didn't see any he slowly added another, you grinded into his hand a bit at the action. This was an unfamiliar feeling, you had experimented with your own fingers. But now you didn't have the control at all, completely at the mercy of him.

You felt his fingers far inside of you, the foreign feeling strange and exciting.

"So soft," he murmured as he started pumping his two fingers in and out of you at a steady pace. He kept a firm eye on your face, making sure to make you moan. You felt a sudden knot forming in your stomach, his long fingers almost hitting that spot that you wanted them to.

"Another, please" you murmured, his eyes widening at your words. He slipped another finger in without hesitation making you let out another moan.

You were now starting to feel the stretch of his fingers, Neteyam obviously realising the tight grip on his fingers as well. He set a lazy pace, rubbing a bit at your clit every thrust.

His breaths began to get uneven, you knew he had to get oxygen soon.

The knot in your stomach coiled tightly, slowly unraveling at the pleasure. Neteyam pulled out of you slowly, reaching over the side of the bed and breathing in oxygen from the oxygen tank.

"Are you allright?" You murmured softly sitting up slightly. The big alien didn't respond, just crawling back on the bed and pushing you back down. He parted your legs in a smooth motion, entering his fingers back into your body.

You let out a broken moan at the sudden feeling of fullness.

He just gave you a satisfied look rubbing over your clit purposefully as he thrust his fingers in and out of you, the wet sound echoeing through the room.

"You are almost prepared, im going to add one more" he whispered in your ear, sliding his fourth finger into you. The stretch was a bit painfull, your face pulling into a grimace.

Neteyam placed a soft hand on your cheek, "You are doing so well, you are squeezing my hand so tightly." He kept fucking you with his hand, cooing at you during.

You began to shake softly your body tilting toward him and pressing yourself closer to his hand. Neteyam observed you, running his eyes over every inch of you. "You like my fingers don't you? I can't wait to see you take me." He whispered as his breath fanned your cheek.

The knot in your stomach finally came loose at his words, releasing your juices on his hand and overwhelming you with pleasure. "Neteyam." You murmured, his eyes glinting dangerously at your words.

"Yes you are mine." He quickly reached his hand down feeling how far you had stretched, a satisfied expression on his face.

Now again if the two of you had been sober you might have let reason overcome you. But you weren't sober, and you both Really wanted it to fit. So you were going to make sure it did.

You shimmied upwards on the bed closing your legs momentarily, your hands grabbing ahold of the metal bed frame above you. "No, you don't hide from me. You are mine, mine alone." He growled as he grasped your legs and pulled them apart harshly.

He lined himself up right away, rubbing the large tip just between your folds. His eyes found yours again, "You still want this right?" He asked softly, still running the tip of his cock over your clit making you squirm and honestly kind of influencing your decision.

You eyed his member it almost as large as your underarm, the tip was a bit bigger than the rest of his lenght which was covered in dark blue veins. It looked daunting, but you really wanted him inside you.

You nodded your head without hesitation, your liquid courage dissepating your fear. "Yes, i want you so much" you finally murmured.

Neteyam simply nodded bracing himself on the metal of the bed. "I am going to start slow, he murmured" not wasting any time as you instantly felt the tip of his cock entering you.

The pain registered in your body and you squirmed a bit as it stretched you out. The pain was almost blinding, but you got to catch your breath as Neteyam held still inside you.

He let out a low groan, "You feel so warm" he murmured, "Are you allright?" The tip fully popped inside your body, your vision turning white because of the pain.

The haze in your mind lifted a bit, "Please just, just hold still for a second" you whispered, catching your breath and tightly clutching onto the headbord.

Neteyam took the time to reach over the side of the bed and take a puff of oxygen. The movement accidentally pushing him in a little more, you choking on a breath at the sudden pain and pleasure. He let out a harsh moan at the unfamiliar feeling letting out a small "sorry".

He rubbed your cheek with his large hand rubbing away your tears and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, you hadn't even realised you had began crying.

It took a while and you were near to giving up, when the big stretch finally started to feel less so. So when your big blue best friend reached over again to get some oxygen, you let out a startled moan at the sudden burst of pleasure as he moved inside of you.

Neteyam let out a tortured groan, before quickly scrolling you for any sign of pain. You breathed heavily your hips having a mind of their own as you fucked yourself into his lap. His gaze was heavy as he watched you move at just the tip of him.

"Please, give me all of it. I can take it." You mumble with half lidded eyes.

He let out a groan, not complying right away. "It is too big to go in all the way," he mumbled, it seemed his liquid courage wasn't as much in effect anymore.

No way were you going to back off now. You lifted yourself up startling him, placing your legs around his hips and harshly driving him right into you.

Neteyam let out a shaky moan, you feeling his entire cock sitting in your stomach stretching you out painfully. His hands holding onto you carefully like he was unsure if he would hurt you.

You squirmed, him letting out a harsh moan.

Neteyam sat up in a sudden motion, keeping himself sheated inside you as he moved you upwards on his lap, him now sitting on the bed and against the wall with you stradling him.

You whimpered a bit as this new position drove him even deeper. Your legs sat around him gravity pushing you down, there was no way to adjust yourself in your current state.

There was no way to lift yourself off even the tiniest bit of his cock, Neteyams arms folded around your shoulders keeping you firmly in place. He had his eyes closed for a second, his breath shallow. "You feel so good, so tight" he murmured in your ear before letting his eyes graze over you with a satisfied look.

The unfamiliar feeling of being filled to the brim felt lewd. The thought of someone seeing you seated on the large aliens large member strangely exiting you a bit. Not to mention the way he was wrapped around you... and you were wrapped around him.

He let out a groan as he scanned your body, his fingers softly dragging over the remaining blue lines on your shoulders

Neteyam's eyes grew wild, his pupils dilated. He hungrily observed the place you were joined together. Him letting out a low groan before he placed his face in your neck scenting you, his nose brushing your skin.

His hips began rutting into you a bit, the movement pushing you up and down on his member. You moaned at the sudden pumping, the coiling pleasure steadily building in your stomach.

His eyes widened at the feeling, the tight grip around his member setting his entire being aflame.

Neteyam let out a vibrating growl as he pushed you back down on your back, suddenly grinding into you harshly. Almost making you pass out from the sudden sensitivity.

He picked up his pace moving hard but at a slow pace, every thrust brushing his pubic bone against your clit.

You were being emptied and filled again at an impossible pace. Him pressing you down against the matress as he slammed into you.

His eyes were glassy and dialated, his features seeming more like those of an wild animal rather than the ones of the calm boy you knew. His tail wrapped around your leg and braids brushing your face as he ingulfed you completely.

He was truly lost to the world, his body seemingly moving in and out of you instictively. You kissed and sucked on his neck, a groan escaping him. His hand felt the bottom of your stomach, very pleased at the bulge in your stomach of his cock sheated deeply inside of you. He let out another groan.

You were incredibly overwhelmed at the full feeling circling your stomach, your mind beginning to grow hazy again as bolts of pleasure ran through your body.

He leant down to kiss you, placing his tongue in your mouth without warning. The warm and moist feeling of his mouth on yours distracting you as whimpers and wet sounds echoed in the room.

The sounds, the act, the creaking of the bed it was the most sinfull thing the both of you had ever done, and it was also one of the most risky.

They both knew that if one of their parents or mentors came to the lab, they would instantly get caught.

You both couldn't find it in you to care.

He was like a wild animal as he growled in your ear, "I'm going to fill you with my seed, you are mine." He was hitting you in the most sensitive spot, his harsh pace not letting you breath for one second as the tip of his cock consistently stretched you out. You felt him swell inside of you,

Your vision started to get blurry as your orgasm approached. Neteyam's hard thrusts hitting you so deep in your stomach you could see stars. He faltered above you, his movements growing erratic as he grasped onto you with his whole being.

"You feel so good, im never going to let you go again" he rambled as his strong hands held onto your soft flesh and his strong body covered yours from the world.

"You are all mine" he said with a harsh moan as you felt his seed spill deep into you, the warm liquid seeping into your womb. His cock still pumping it further into you.

You moaned at the strange feeling, your vision turning white as your own pleasure came to it's breaking point sending you right over the edge, letting out a loud whimper as you felt yourself clench and unclench on his cock.

"You are squeezing my cock so well, you were made just for me." he groaned not stopping his rutting into you. He placed a hand on the bottom of your stomach again just over the spot his member and seed were pressed inside of you.

"Iet me stay inside you a little longer" he mumbled as he sluggily lifted you with him while he took a puff of oxygen, now attaching the small tubes to his nose and laying down on the bed.

"Im so tired," your voice was weak and your body was spend. He placed a few kisses on your face and neck, a smile circling his lips as he gazed at you.

"You can go to sleep now, you are safe with me"

Neteyam gave you a satisfied look, before tucking you in his arms and pulling you under the covers. Neither having the energy to clean up.

You both fell asleep quickly, responsibilities forgotten.

~~~

A harsh knock echoed on the door, a male voice echoeing through the room. "What?" You asked loudly, your mind not working yet. A sigh from the other side of your door before the voice repeated itself.

"I said! Is Neteyam there with you? Neytiri and Jake are combing out the whole camp searching for him." Norm's voice echoed through the room a panicked undertone very present.

Your eyes shot open, the sun peeking through the blinds instantly blinding you. "Just a second Norm! Jeez!" You screamed.

For the first time since waking up you look around the room and feel the warm chest you are laying on, something still connecting the two of you. Your gaze locks with Neteyam's yellowish ones, your eyes widening.

"Jesus christ Y/n, just answer me." Norm said releasing a loud sigh as he knocked on the door again.

"No,oo he's uhh not here" You speak up as Neteyam's hand ran over your shoulder, your voice breaking slightly and tumbling over your words. A bit too pre ocupied with assessing the damage done to your poor now lopsided bed and yourself.

"Uhhm okay wel uhh if you find him send him to us" Norm said, obviously unsure of your answer.

"Will do!" You yell The pitch in your voice a bit too high to be natural. Norm either didn't notice or he just didn't want to deal with it, but you finally heard his footsteps walking away.

"Oh my god," you murmured putting your hands over your face. He nodded aswell. "Oh my god indeed" he murmured, having the gal to look more pleased than he did in weeks.

He was covered in orange and blue spots from both of your body paints, dark fingerprints set into his forearms from where you had held onto him... as he.... "Oh. my. God!" You murmured again.

He was examining you as his eyes slid over your figure without any shame, seeming bothered by the dark fingerprints covering your own softer body. "I hurt you" he muttered with a conflicted look on his face, carefully grasping your arm in his hands to observe the soft skin

Your skin almost burned at his touch, you softly pulling your arm from his grip. "It isn't your fault, you murmured softly. "Besides it seems i did a number on you as well" you gestured to his underarms.

Neteyam observed the bruises with facination, "You really held onto me tight." He murmured obviously reminicing, a distant look gleaming in his eyes.

You both heard distant chatter in the hall, being pulled out of your little bubble. You tried to sit up, failing immensely as your muscles ached and you came to a horrid realisation as he let out a groan.

"You are still..." you trailed off as you felt the weight of him sitting inside your stomach, every nerve on fire because of the beating from last night. His cock was still entirely burried into you.

"I'm sorry," Neteyam muttered as you felt his hips start to push up into you softly. He sat up slowly, seating himself against the wall again, you still stradling his hips. The movement send you up and down on his cock, sudden hot pleasure running through you.

His slow thrusting persisted, as your tired mind still tried to keep up with the situation. His eyes were searching your face for any discomfort, his own filled with lust. You placed your arms around his shoulders, your fingernails partly digging into his skin as you raked your hands across his shoulders.

He moaned loudly,

Rustling filled the hallway outside your room again, but Neteyam either didn't notice or didn't care. The voice of Norm echoeing through the room again, as you desperately hoped he didn't hear the squelching noises you were making.

"Y/n? They still haven't found Neteyam yet! Can you come to the avatar room in a second?" Norm yelled.

You took a second to gather yourself, Neteyam's intense gaze fixed on your face as you rode him. "Uhmm, yes Norm i'm just going to uhh take a s,shower and then i'll get over there" You finally responded.

"Uhhmm allright, i'll see you soon" he murmured before you heard his footsteps fade away again.

You and Neteyam rocked back and forth slowly, him going half out of you and then pushing back in. It was like a slow form of torture.

"Teyam? We need to figure out how we are going to hide this" you murmured. It was like he purposefully slammed himself back into you as you let out a broken moan.

He grasped onto your chin "First i will spill my seed into you one last time" he murmured with a teasing smirk. He didn't seem to be embarassed about their actions at all.

Rustling started up in the hall again, making Neteyam let out a sigh. "I'm taking you to the shower" he murmured as he took of his oxygen mask and lifted you up walking you over toward the small bathroom.

Neteyam barely fit through the door, but could thankfully stand up straight once inside. He didn't know how to work the buttons, so you reached out and set it to the right temperature.

He was still rutting into you softly whilst you waited for the water to warm, one of his fingers rubbing your clit gently. An orgasm beginning to build up steadily, you noticed him picking up the pace as well. Your back hitting the cold tile as his form pressed against you.

Your tired body cramped together one last time as you softly clenched and unclenched around his member. A shaky moan escaping your throat, legs shaking violently whilst his seed spilled into you again. Neteyam let out a deep groan at the sensation, burrying his face in your hair.

You both gathered yourself, Neteyam's wide eyed gaze looking toward the mirror. You turned your gaze toward it as well, gaping your mouth at the sight that awaited you.

You looked just as roughed up as him, paint everywhere and your makeup smeared across your face. But that wasn't why Neteyam looked so shook up. His huge form loomed over yours dauntingly, your body looking incredibly small next to his.

But mostly it was the sinfull sight of his arms around your waist, whilst you were stretched out to an extreme extend on his large member. It was a sight that shouldn't have been possible, but here you were anyway.

He turned back to you with an appraising look, "Look at you taking me." he mumbled before kissing your neck and pecking your mouth.

"You did so well." He cooed as he stepped into the shower, before finally sliding himself out of you. You let out a whine, at the feeling of both of your liquids pouring out of you. Neteyam seemed almost proud when he saw, placing you down on your feet with a look of discontentment of having to let you go.

Your knees buckled almost sending you to the ground. Your big blue guy luckily being able to steady you. "Are you allright?" he asked as he gave you a worried look. His arms instantly wrapped around you again, you noticing a little smile cricling his lips.

You nodded softly "I'm just really tired" allthough your body ached about everywhere. Not to mention the almost unbearable ache between your legs.

You finally sighed in contentment as you felt the warm water on your skin. Neteyam grabbed your bar of soap rubbing it between his hands before running them down your body without consulting.

You were too tired to even resist as he softly washed your skin. Running his fingers through your hair after, softly massaging your scalp. After he was finished he quickly lathered his own body with soap too.

"Wait shouldn't i help you too?" You asked confusedly.

He turned to you with a soft smile, "You have done more than enough for me" He softly brushed his palm over your cheek before leaning forward and giving you a gentle kiss.

After you both were finished in the shower you moved back to the bedroom, him dressing himself in his clothes from the night before and you quickly pulling on loose sweatpants and a long sleeved top.

You sat on the edge of the bed, him sitting next to you, "How in the hell are we going to hide this from your parents? Or, oh shit! What about Norm?" You groan loudly placing your head in your hands.

You felt Neteyam put his hand on your shoulder. "We'll think of something, for now I'm jumping out the window. And your going to the avatar room." He said sympathetically.

You let out a breath, "Yes.... yes good idea" you stood up carefully, the ache between your legs still very much present. You were about to head to the door when you felt yourself being pulled back and pressed into his stomach.

Neteyam's soft voice filled your ear "I see you" he said, his heavy gaze zet on your eyes. You took a second to process the words.

You blushed finally feeling the words tumble out your mouth "I see you." you finally whispered, a sense of love filling your stomach.

A huge smile spread on his face as he pulled you into one last kiss before placing his forehead on yours. "I shall see you tonight." he mumbled in your ear before he turned around for the window. You yourself leaving your room with shaky legs.

You caught your breath in the empty hallway, a boast of air leaving your lungs as you let out a loud sigh. "Well holy fuck,..." you muttered to yourself, before quickly stumbling toward the avatar room.

~~~

When you arrived in the large metal room, you were suprised to see Jake sitting together with Norm. Their eyes instantly turning to you as you came into view, "Y/n there you are!" Norm greeted as he gestured for you to sit next to him.

You awkwardly did, trying to hide the discomfort between your legs as you sat down. "Uhm Hello!" You said with a strained smile.

Jake and Norm were observing you silently and Jake in particulair was being incredibly intimidating whilst he stared you down.

Finally after a few agonising seconds Jake broke the silence, "So...this is the case," He said curtly "Neteyam didn't come home last night and the last person he was seen with was you."

They stared at you,

"So you want to know when i last saw him?" You murmered, hoping to give yourself a few more seconds of thinking time.

"Yes Y/n i want to know that."

"Well uhm... i saw him around the middle of the party?" You asked more than said, a sheepish expression on your face.

Jake sighed in annoyance, "And then?"

"Oh yes... okay... jep he left"?

"Y/n you better cut the crap"

You sighed "Okay well, we saw eachother around the middle of the party... and afterwards i haven't really seen him anymore... we took the skiretshe" You mumured softly, your mind finally giving you an excuse.

Jake let out a sigh, "And your one hundred percent sure you haven't seen him since?"

"Not in what i remember..." The implication obvious as you shrugged.

"We better find him soon." He gave you a warning look before he stalked off toward the door.

Norm gave you a dry look, "You are so weird today. We are going to talk about the drinking later." He murmured, before taking off as well, this a perfect time for you to rest your aching head on the cold metal table.

You would have to face the situation soon, you weren't ready at all.

(WELP that was VERY dirty, and i hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know if you want a part two, i usually only update fics that do well. (Maybe the next can be with some more sneaking around?) Hehe)

Part 2 made it through! Here's the link!:

[velvetvexations]

I'm not saying the real thing doesn't happen, maybe it does often — and I just haven't seen it much because most irl trans spaces I've been to were over mostly trans fems and they usually asked us about trans masc stuff when they didn't know — but I feel like there's a possible other side to the issue of "afab trans people using their agab against trans fems" which is that online at least trans masc experiences are way too often just assumed. Both cis and trans people who don't want to listen to us love to talk about which issues we do and do not face, how we did and did not grow up and how it did or did not affect us.

So that's how you get TERFs assuming that we must have been raised to believe that girls can't do things boys can and that's why we think we aren't girls and some trans people assuming the opposite, that we got to wear and do whatever we wanted and never had to experience misogyny because our masculinity was seen as superior and encouraged.

But if you make assumptions, you will upset people whose experiences you're misrepresenting and you may get pushback from said upset people.

I think we all know how hard it is to put the transmasc experience into words in a way that doesn't imply that female/male socialization is a real and universal, so I can imagine why someone who's upset might say some things in a way that could make trans fems feel attafked and invalidated in their femininity.

There are trans mascs who weren't allowed to do or wear anything masculine whatsoever as children, there are afab trans people who were beaten for wanting to do things boys do and forced to marry and have children young, there is still systemic misogyny that affect all trans people who happen to have been born with a uterus and vagina, girls and "girls" are still more likely to be paid less for the same work and less like to be encouraged to be good at sports or math, more likely to be murdered by romantic partners etc.

I can't blame random normie trans people just living their life for not knowing how to explain all of this in a way that couldn't possibly be interpreted as radfem rethoric implying "trans fems aren't oppressed/don't know what it's truly like to be born a girl" for example in an emotionally charged situation where maybe someone told them to shut up because they don't know what it's like to experience misogyny.

The solution imo is to keep working on developing trans theory to make it more inclusive so that we can find ways to express those ideas and spread awareness in less confrontantial ways. So much time & effort is spent just pushing back against transphobia, which don't get me wrong is important but I hope we get to a point where we (trans masc & other gender diverse ppl) can just talk about our experiences and have people listen and vice versa we would enjoy reading transfeminist theory a lot more if we could expect it to be inclusive or at least not to be making up falsehoods or generalizations about our lived experiences.

But I can see why disciplining people with an overtly transphobic 4chan insult is much much easier & satisfying for people who refuse to acknowledge their shortcomings.

Honestly, I love you, and I love this analysis, but I think you're being too kind. I think at some point some people have to just...be better. I know I say a lot I think a lot of transradfems are just genuinely awful people - certainly I refuse to be swayed the ones at the top are anything else, to say nothing of the explicit tankies - but even if someone has sympathetic reasons for their transandrophobia and exorsexism, it's like, okay, yeah, we should keep trying to do better at outreach, but at the same time it's absolutely on them to stop coping with trauma by hurting people and ignoring that that is in fact what they're doing. It's not on transmasculine and non-binary people to be their therapists.

And the lengths I've seen people go to, like this very ask, to try and be as patient as possible yet still get met with immediate dismissal and readings that sound like Christian moms explaining how the names of Pokemon are Satanic codewords just boggles the mind.

Like, if I were to say "I disagree" it isn't that I think people should stop trying to be nice, I do think we should be doing what you're saying we should be doing, but at the same time it's their responsibility and can only be forgiven up to a point. No matter what they may have gone through or still go through, they have a responsibility to their fellow human beings let alone trans people to be better.

I'm for sure also not trying to say you're implying otherwise, I don't believe you were saying we should totally let them off the hook and coddle them until they stop being bigoted, but I just feel very strongly about stressing that they have to fix their hearts.

But that's also why Velvet Nation is composed of so many better activists than me. At most what I can do is bite someone's head off and maybe make some people feel like they have a supporter that's passionate enough to get that angry on their behalf. I'm not nearly as constructive as yall and that's more important than me and my woe unto the wicked thing.

[russellshaws]

What do you make of Tim's behavior in the last few episodes? I feel like he's a totally different person and it's making me sad to see him disrespecting Lucy so much.

just up front: it feels v clear to me that we do not share an opinion on this storyline from the tone of this ask, and so i am going to discuss this but would just like to preface that this is only my opinion and i respect that you/anyone else engaging with this post may have a different one. i am allowed to feel the way i feel, as are you. i am not trying to change or discredit anyone's opinions just because they're different than mine.

that being said - i will be honest with you, i don't really see where he's disrespected lucy. before you (and whoever else is reading this) jump me, let me explain myself.

tim went through something very difficult and traumatic with the resurgence of his wartime trauma and he made the decision not to involve lucy as he navigated said trauma. while it may not have been the best choice for their relationship, tim made the choice he felt was right in the moment. though we may not agree with it as viewers and lucy may not agree with it as tim's partner, he had the right to do that, and he explained to the best of his ability in the moment that he was keeping her out of the situation to ensure she didn't get hurt/her career wasn't impacted.

to me, that didn't feel disrespectful - it felt like tim relying on his tried and true methods of keeping the people he loves safe from him/the potential danger surrounding him. he was working with the tools he had available, even if they may not be the "right" tools for the job.

like, was it fucked that he ignored her for 36 hours? absolutely! that was disrespectful in some ways - but i think if you zoom out a little, it's not right, but it's understandable.

in the end of 5x07, lucy stops tim in the hallway at the station and asks him to talk to her - and i have seen a bunch of people who are really angry about the way tim handled that convo, so i wonder if that's what you mean by disrespect. generally, a few thoughts about that scene:

lucy approached tim hot - which, let me be clear: she had every right to. she was in her feels all day, she had something she wanted to say to him, and she was already a bit revved up coming to him. but she came into that conversation already looking for something specific, where tim was just...guard down, a little goofily happy to see her, probably a little nervous to talk to her at all.

tim wasn't given the opportunity to say much of anything. lucy asked if they could have "an adult conversation" (patronizing, but i don't blame her for it - he deserved that) and when tim explained he "couldn't give her what she wanted", lucy snapped. i understand the snap - i would've done the same - but tim had no space to continue talking there. that wasn't a conversation. lucy got her opportunity to unload on him a bit, which i think she needed. think about the breakup - lucy didn't get the chance to argue a side there, and tim didn't get the chance to argue a side here. they're equal on that kind of convo now, which i find fascinating.

so, is tim being honest with her and saying he can't give her what she needs right now disrespectful? i don't really think so. i think lucy is looking for something that tim can't give her right now - himself. tim has to sort through all his shit before he can be the best version of himself for lucy - in his tim brain, he doesn't think he can support her fully without working on himself first...and honestly? i think that's noble. lucy is far too close to the picture to see that tim has some really big issues he needs to work on outside of the scope of their relationship. i don't blame her for that, but it's just...true.

she can't be the person to help tim find himself at this point in his life. that's not fair to her or their relationship - so i think he's made the right choice here, as much as it hurts both of them.

i would also be remiss if i didn't mention that i think there's a huge part of this situation that lucy still needs to realize is on her. she has problems of her own, too! girl knows she's not perfect - but she has yet to address her own problems, and i think that's such an issue. tim is taking initiative to resolve his problems, even if it's not in a way that she agrees with. lucy isn't. just like their relationship already had issues, lucy has her own set. this wasn't the defining problem - this was just the straw that broke the camel's back in a lot of ways.

i hope this answers your question tbh bc i feel like i just rambled a bunch - but i'm always up to chat about this kind of stuff, so feel free to come back to me with more if i haven't annoyed you too much 😂

[cosmal]

james or eddie x inexperienced!reader who bursts into tears the first time he slips his hand under her shirt to touch her stomach/hip/waist because no one’s ever touched her like that before!!! and he’s like what did I do 😟

startled

summary james touches you where no one else has before. it freaks you out for a moment.

content james potter x fem!afab!reader, hurt/comfort

James is really tall. He knows this, obviously. He's been the height he's at since he was fifteen years old. With years of using it to his advantage under his belt, he knows how to tease you with it.

All night at Sirius's shindig, he has you planted in his side. He leans against the wall outside in the backyard where everyone has congregated and you lean your entire weight into him.

To have you so close to him in such a setting is a treasure he really shouldn't take for granted. Though the face you make whenever he leans down to pretend to kiss you is one he wants permanently branded into the back of his eyelids.

You pout because you can't reach him to get what you really want and then flush with embarrassment for reacting that way in the first place. It's a cycle James thinks is adorable.

So as soon as the both of you get back to his flat that night, he knows you're just itching to kiss him. You hold his hand and let him guide you to the kitchen.

You're new to the whole relationship thing. You don't know when you should kiss him, or when you think you're allowed to. You pick at your nails when you really want to hold his hand and go quiet when you're around other people. James loves nothing but keeping you all to himself. Knowing he's the only one lucky enough to see you like this. But he wants you to know he'd let you eat his face off in the presence of the Prime Minister if you wanted.

Still, he feels like the luckiest guy on the planet right now. Leaning up against his kitchen counter with you between his legs. You reach up to kiss him gently on his cheek. He tucks his fingers under your jaw to encourage your lips back to his cheek like he wants another one. He catches your mouth with his quickly before you can land another.

You gasp and let him kiss you, a pleased, giddy sound that lights his chest on fire. He has to pull away before he loses his breath. He blames it on you.

He lets his hands find your hips and says, "Burt's Bees?"

"What?" you say breathlessly. You blink.

"Your chapstick."

You laugh, a startled, girlish thing that makes the ache in his chest even worse. "Yeah," you nod. "Yeah, the shortbread cookie flavour."

James chuckles. "Of course, it is."

He kisses you again and you seem more than happy about it. He lets his hands slip under your shirt and then you tense. You pull back and stare at his shoulder. The feeling in his chest plummets like concern into the pit of his stomach.

"You all right, lovely?" he asks, voice warped with confusion. He holds you back to catch your gaze. Your eyes look glassy so quickly and he gets whiplash. "Sweetheart?"

You blink back the mist. "Sorry," you choke, shaking your head. "Uh, sorry, you just-"

James stands up straight, ducking his head down, and lets his hands rub a soothing path up and down your arms. "What happened? Did I do something?"

You squeeze your eyes shut and focus on the feeling of his hands on your arms. "No, you didn't do anything." You lean into his hold. "No, it's just- no one's ever touched me there."

He softens, though his heart is thumping like a kick drum in his ribcage. "Shit, I'm sorry, honey," he curses himself, fixing where he's got his hands. He lets them fall to his side and thinks he might've made it worse. You fold in on yourself. "Sorry, I won't do it if you don't want me to."

You step forward, closing up the tiny gap of space you subconsciously created and look up at him with teary eyes. "No, no it felt good. You - shit - you didn't do anything bad it just startled me."

You're not sure if you're crying because it felt different or because you've embarrassed yourself. You're sure it's a bit of both.

He knows you want him to hold you. He pushes his second thoughts aside and wraps you in a tight hug. You deflate once he's got you against his chest like you were earlier, maybe more relieved than you were before.

You let yourself cry because it's easier than holding back the tears that burn in your throat. Especially when he kisses you firmly on the top of your head. Murmuring something that sounds like, "I'm really sorry, angel. I should've set a boundary or something."

You feel worse because you've worried your poor boyfriend to death. "It's okay. You're allowed to touch me, James."

"I shouldn't assume things," he says with a firmness you lack.

"You didn't assume anything," you tell him and try to ignore the fact you're dirtying his shirt with your sticky tears. "It's okay. I'm okay. It just felt different."

James squeezes your sides. "Did you like it?"

"I did," you tell him honestly. Because you did, it felt more than nice. "Yeah, it felt great.''

He pulls back looking softer than he did before he got you into his arms and you calm down a tad. He swipes the tears from your cheeks and wipes them on his shirt. You laugh wetly.

"Good," he smiles. "You wanna go to bed? I'll let you kiss me some more."

You can't help but smile back. He's adorable. "Let's shower first," you laugh. "You smell too much like Sirius's flat."

"Do not!" he gawps but lets you lead him in the direction of his ensuite. "Is that a bad thing?"

"If you think cigarettes and leather aren’t a bad thing, then you can skip the shower."

"I don't think so."

[alieinthemorning]

Sorry if this goes against the rules (dark nature but idk if this counts) but like, can u write about Leona feeling especially depressed and not being able to even get out of bed, then the reader-insert comes to wake him up (on behalf of Ruggie) and then realised and comforts him? Like angst to comfort! But no rush and no worries if this request is declined! I'll just ask something else then!

Lean on Me [Leona Kingscholar]

Content: Depressed Leona Kingscholar, Blood and Injury, Literal Sleeping Together, Bathing/Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Strong Language

Pronouns: None

Continuation of: For Thee, Not for Me [Leona Kingscholar || Malleus Draconia]

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

He knew he should have just stayed in bed. Shouldered this shit on Ruggie (he was competent enough), and just not have been fucking bothered.

But he did, and it came with consequences (other than him leaving his bed).

He wasn't paying attention, too stuck in his own head to realize that one of the mutts had fucked up, and the damn disc was headed straight for his noggin.

Shit was flying fast enough that it knocked him clear on his ass. It hurt like hell, the pain in the side of his head and his back, but shit—he'd rather be on the fucking ground than possibly bleeding to death than standing and acting like he wasn't on the fucking cliff's edge.

But then there you were (of course you were), kneeling beside him as you assessed the damages. You gently brushed the sticky brown locks away from the wound, wincing at what you saw. You caught your bottom lip between your teeth as you silent contemplated something.

He opened his mouth, ready to stop you from doing something stupid (that stupid thing being saving his life).

But it was too late.

“Worry not, there’s nothing for you to abide by. Leave all your worries to me. For Me, Not Thee.”

And then he was sitting up with just left with a dull headache,

and your unconscious body that fell into his lap.

You'd been asleep for a week now. Vita told him that it was a combination of a White Cold and Rapid Blot Accumulation. She told him that it wasn't his fault, that you were well aware of the consequences of overusing your Signature Spell.

Epel did bother hiding his glare. He was pissed, and rightfully so. He may have looked up to him, but he considered you as family. And here he was sitting at your bedside, as if he had the fucking right.

But regardless of Epel's silent furry, he remained there.

But he knew that wasn't it.

"You fucked up." Ruggie had told him one day as he had delivered his lunch. He didn't tell him to do, but his reasoning had to do with you.

"If you don't feed you, and I don't feed you, guess who's gonna be pissed."

When he asked Ruggie to watch you, he never expected for him to actually befriend you. He even stopped taking the money he had been paying him, calling it dirty money. He shrugged it off, less money out of his pocket.

"You better start learning how to grovel, Prince." Title, no name. "Or else someone else will force you on your knees.

If he had been paying attention to his surroundings, you wouldn't have been laying here. If he had been paying attention to you, he would have realized that you weren't fit to even be at practice that day (because he knows that you'd fight him tooth and nail to heal whoever was hurt).

Zigvolt had given him a good right hook when he appeared in the infirmary. Silver was there as well, he could have stopped him, but he didn't (and he didn't blame him).

"You'd best pray to any and all gods that will listen, Kingscholar." His eyes flashed with something dangerous—a promise. "May my lord forgive me for what I will do to you."

Hell, he should have just stayed in bed and wallowed like a fucking coward.

Draconia appeared late at night before Vita officially kicked him out. He simply looked over your sleeping form with a pitiful look on his face.

That didn't wash away when his eerie Fae gaze found his own muted chartreuse one.

But he didn't, and now you were the one paying the price.

"Oi, Vita." A chair scraping against tile.

Two muffled voices, a door softly shutting, and a sigh.

You give yourself a few more minutes to accumulate to your current setting before slowly opening your eyes.

"Was that Leona, Vita?"

The one frowned as she looked at you over her heart-shaped glasses. "That's really the first thing you ask me?"

You give a dismissive hum, "...I suppose so."

"You are such a—yes, that was him."

"Okay." And then you closed your eyes again.

Close to a week later is when you were discharged, and allowed to return to classes. And that's exactly what you didn't do. Instead, you went on the prowl for a hiding lion. However, you were surprised to find that he wasn't at any of his usual spots, but instead decaying away in his room.  

The blinds were fully drawn, shielding him from the sunlight that attempt to penetrate. His room was more a mess than usual, as if he had torn through it himself in a fit of rage, before fizzling out and finding his final resting place.

You pursed your lips, that's probably exactly what he did. Oh well, that didn't really matter, so instead of worrying about that, you set about to clean the room.  You heard him shuffle on the bed a bit, but disregarded him until you were finished.

And when you were, you faced him. "..."

"..."

If he wasn't ready to talk, then that was fine. You eyed his body for any external injuries. There didn't seem like there were any, so you turned heel, heading for his en suite bathroom.

"Oi..." It was soft and weak, like he wasn't really addressing you, but just saying it in general confusion. You ignored him in favor of fulling his tub with water and oils (just the way he liked it).

When you were done, you simply gestured to the bath, not waiting to hear any sort of answer because you were already pulling the sheets off the bed before he could protest. So he followed your silent directions and entered the bathroom (leaving the door unlocked).

You made quick work of his bed, then got himself a fresh set of clothes as well as yourself (you knew how he was about outside clothes).

You knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

"...yeah."

He was fully submerged, a layer of bubbles covering what needed to be covered.

"Can I wash your hair?"

Despite his lips twisting into a frown, he nodded. You knew why. Of course you did. He felt guilty for what happened to you. And yes, maybe, he did have some responsibility for what happened—you also shared in that. You knew that you were getting close to blot, you also knew good and well that taking on Leona's injury would push you over the edge (not to the point of blotting, but damn near close).

But you still took it on, and you'd do it again.

Then hours later, after slipping in and out of dreams, you heard him whisper against your chest.

"Thank you."

"Of course, you can always lean on me, you know." You smiled, setting a kiss on the crown of his head.

"Since I am your healer, after all."

I ended combining these two because I wanted to use this title for the depression piece, but couldn't because I didn't know what else to name the For Thee, Not for Me Continuation. 

SO! I after having a "WAIT FUCK I CAN WORK WITH THIS!" moment, I decided to combine them!

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[highfantasy-soul]

I'm really glad they went the route where Sol never apologized for what he did or admitted any fault.

It would have been nice and clean and feel-good for him to have realized what he did was so incredibly wrong, but the thing is, a lot of people don't get that closure. The person who hurt them genuinely will not entertain the idea that they were wrong.

They will use their 'love' for the other person as justification for any and all of their actions, they will refuse to accept blame, they will ignore the person they hurt crying and screaming at them that what they've done hurt them yet still look that person in the eye and say 'no, you're wrong to be upset at me over this - I did this because I love you, what you're telling me now about the real effects of my actions, I am refusing to listen to - you must be wrong to feel the way you do'.

With the Jedi as a whole, they're held to such a high standard. They're told they must be perfect, yet also the fact that they are Jedi makes them perfect and so provides no leeway for falling short of that standard. For many people, that leads to a disconnect in their mind where they cannot accept that they might have done something wrong because if they didn't live up to the perfect standard, in their eyes, the entirety of themselves and the system will crumble under that.

Of course WE know that's not true, people are going to make mistakes no matter what organization they're a part of - but if you aren't given the space to make small mistakes and learn from them - and talk about how that made you feel and learn to work with your emotions in a healthy way, then the pressure compounds and compounds and suddenly, a BIG mistake happens and you're unable to face it. So you justify, you rationalize, you make every excuse in the book - many times being enabled by others in the group to keep silent about your failure and coming up with twisted logic to make it 'ok'.

I think if Sol had been allowed to admit what happened on Brendok to the council and if the Jedi actually cared about their people, hopefully gotten him the therapy he needed, the events of the story would never have taken place. Osha being trained as a Jedi wasn't worth the cost - and she would have agreed. If you keep refusing to address the issue and try to just cover up and cover up the mistake, it's going to explode at some point.

The one who was lied to will snap and the one who did the lying will have lied to themselves for so long that they won't be able to admit any fault or it might snap them.

They've GOT to hold onto the idea that they can still be a good person and if they admit they messed up, in their mind, they won't be a good person anymore. And if that's what your entire self-worth is based on, it's almost impossible to admit any fault.

Allowing people to admit their mistakes and get help for them is healthy and good and helps people actually be good people rather than just put up the appearance of being a good person.

[eroticcannibal]

I've always associated the term pro-recovery with resistance to harm reduction, if that makes sense? Like pro-recovery spaces are not at all welcoming to people just trying to live the best we can with our conditions. There's a lot of guilt tripping and victim blaming rhetoric, especially towards people who don't have access to therapy/doctors/medication/etc for whatever reason.

My ED was made considerably worse by people acting like I was a monster for trying to find safer ways to do things that I was already doing. The fact that I was trying to be safer didn't matter because "pro-recovery" people saw my harm reduction as stagnation and romanticization instead.

This is EXACTLY the shit I'm talking about, and I had the same shit with EDs. Supposed "anti recovery" behaviour kept me alive. If it weren't for those "terrible" lists of under 100 calorie meals I'd not have eaten anything at all.

Survival and the path to recovery very often looks to pro-recovery folks like a bad thing. I've lost people to these attitudes. It has a body count. If pro-recovery was only ever about getting better if you can, if that's whats best at the time, and allowed space for people to struggle and do what they need to survive, their wouldn't be an issue. But thats never been what it was.

[eukarisparadise]

There's something I really needed to get out of my system for the long time, and I understand that many have probably said this before.

Look, I adore MTMTE. I respect Roberts as a writer and he made an absolute masterpiece that changed my life (literally, I've met my life-long friends over this comic) and I think that he did a fantastic job in terms of plot-twists and character development.

However, what he did specifically to Rodimus was... uh.

I know that the entire IDW universe is, essentially, a one big anthology of the works of various authors, who, let's be honest, didn't always read each other. That's how, I believe, we got an MTMTE Rodimus, who does things... that feel so unnatural to him that you can't help but wonder, what was really the reason for doing so.

When I started reading this series, I asked my friends, what do some of his actions mean – «why the hell did he even agree to take Overlord?»; «why would he allow Drift to take all the blame on himself?»; «HOW DID HE ACCEPT MEGATRON ON THE BOARD??» – and their answer was... nothing. Nothing essentially to explain here, because the only reason for these and many other of his actions I could think of, is:

Roberts needed the plot to happen. And for that, he sacrificed Rodimus's already established character integrity.

I don’t remember which comic it was in, but I vividly remember one scene from some other, not connected to MTMTE series: Optimus (as usual) refused to kill Megatron and Rodimus, his face twisted with rage, started torturing Megatron with electricity. You mean to tell me, this guy would listen to anyone and let him on the ship? You mean to tell me, he wouldn't kill him on sight the second they make the quantum leap from Cybertron, trial or not?

And, although I don't like Getaway and the way he left the entire crew with DJD, but Rodiums I got first familiar with would be just thrilled to hear all of his ideas on how to creatively get rid of Megatron, because- no, literally, what the hell was that?

Okay, I understand the fact that I'm biased. I live in a country that's currently under siege, and I share the internet space with people who, in the safety of their homes, sometimes are still choosing to humanize and sympathise with a crazy fascist dictator that would be glad to wipe them out like he does with us. I acknowledge that that's alters one's perspective a little bit. But the entire Cybertronian race (AND MANY OTHERS – let's not forget countless organic civilizations that endured genocides after genocides in Megatron's colonial expansion) had to deal with this guy for four million years.

And I get that it probably wasn't entirely Roberts' fault – IDW publishing had the universe ending planned beforehand and that's why the entire «Lost Light» sequel felt so rushed. But are you seriously implying that MEGATRON, of all people, could be reformed by one fun trip? And forgiven not just by the crew – but Rodimus and Ultra Magnus specifically??.. Mind you, they already made their mind on him before the sequel – and it absolutely wasn't the one that they would make if they weren't so heavily OOC'd.

I hate the fact that the plot just wouldn't happen the way it did without this forced character dumbing. I hate it, because I love MTMTE story, and its crew, and its captain. And its lessons. But the way of teaching these lessons sometimes makes me want to throw in a towel, because no. I refuse to believe that someone who's entire life was defined by the want to be the leader his friends wanted, could do this many mistakes that lead to their hurt (and both allowing Overlord AND Megatron, were such mistakes). So, I choose to continue to be delulu and pretend that none of this happened – and they never returned to Cybertron as well, and they achieved something more. Don't blame me, I know you all are doing the same.

[blazehedgehog]

a negative question (those aren't fun i know) but what would you think of as some awful moments in gaming or gaming history?

I mean top of the list is Gamer Gate. Gamer Gate was, by the admission of the person who started it, his way of getting back at his ex-girlfriend. That's all it was. And it spiraled out of control into an entire hate movement that's still leaving ripples to this very day.

I am also of the opinion that most people who believed Gamer Gate was about game journalists were mislead and ultimately don't understand a lot about what they were campaigning against. The whole "ethics and lying in game journalism" largely stems from a growing series of misunderstandings and ignorance, which was largely exploited by bad actors to target women and minorities.

You cannot and will not convince me otherwise. Never ever.

That's because, in my 12 year stint writing for TSSZ, I took the job very seriously. It may not have paid much, but it did pay, and I did get a lot of valuable experience. And I watched friends in similar boats actually elevate their careers and become big, well-respected names in the games media/journalism space. Which gives me a better perspective than some folks have on what really goes on in that space.

I've talked about this at length many times over the years. About the weird adversarial relationship the press has with their fandom. And it's too big of a topic to contain in one single tumblr post, because it's many subjects, spanning decades. I cannot sum up why journalists used to (and still do) dunk on their fanbases, and why readers continue to value their opinions even in spite of that.

But I will say this: real, genuine corruption is a lot less common than you think. A lot of people get very twisted up in imaginary scenarios that simply do not exist. Most people in the press are simply trying to survive by whatever means the system allows them to. And I'd argue a lot of them are spiteful of their readers because some of you are genuinely insane and jump to these outrageous conclusions over literally nothing. Some folks don't know what an opinion means, or understand subjectivity, and treat it as a declaration of war.

Do conflicts of interest happen? Yes, absolutely. But with the way the market currently is, a lot of those things are necessary to keep media companies afloat. That's unfortunate, but it's not corruption. Not at the level you think it is.

When you see a website covered in ads for WAR OF DUTY 8: REDACTED OPS 4 and there's a prominent review for that same game, I can guarantee the person writing that review does not benefit from those ads and did not choose to put them there. All that money and all that blame goes to the corporation that owns the site. To the marketing managers and the CEO sitting at the end of the board room. That corporation may even go as far as to suggest edits to what probably starts out as a very honest review. But it is not the writer's fault. The writer has bills to pay. The writer needs to buy groceries. The writer needs to keep this job. The writer had real feelings and it was the corporation that changed the text.

And even then? The scenario I just described is rare.

You want to know what's even more rare? An indie developer sleeping with a writer for coverage of their game. A game, that, might I add, didn't even cost money. What was to gain there? Clout? You're out of your mind if you think that actually mattered.

Also? It's entertainment criticism. It is literally "Does this person like this piece of media yes or no?" This is not Watergate. It is not 9/11. Does honesty matter? Sure. But if you don't like a writer, go find a different one. There's a lot of us! But don't circle the wagons and prepare for battle, because that makes you a psychopath.

(Better yet: if you don't like a writer, start writing your own stuff! Be the change you want to see in the world and then understand how you're treated for that)

Which again just feeds into the idea that people who still believe that gamer gate was legitimate were tricked. It was a smoke screen. You were part of a hate movement. And how you react to that says a lot about you as a person and your values in this world.

[monarch-of-weird-girlboy-nation]

Annabeths relationship with people in my au

Siblings:

Louise Owens, counsellor for the Venus cabin, 17 years old: complicated. To be honest, Louise just feels kind of bad for her bc she's kind of lived through their mothers tough treatment, and being her 'favoured child' isn't as easy as it sounds. But there's also jealousy that annabeth could be made a literal goddess, that annabeth is basically the smartest kid there and that annabeth gets so much attention that she only really got bc her mother realised that she was in such a vulnerable traumatic situation that it would be best to like her more to get annabeth to love her bc she's desperate for any affection ever. And Louise wishes, in a small way, that she was known as much as annabeth was, bc even though is revered and is basically a Co leader of Camp, annabeth gets to join her in those decisions. But she tries not to let it show bc annabeth is literally 12 and on the verge of an anxious meltdown qt all times. So she tries to love her sister as much as she can. Which just kind of means not really talking to her a bunch but valuing her opinion on stuff. Annabeth is constantly trying to become closer friends with Louise, who isn't that interested tbh. But she values her as part of the team, and honestly in a year she's allowed to leave Camp (Will do a separate post on what demigods do after that)

Alfred Davies, 15:

They don't really get along bc Alfred doesn't really care. About any of it. He's got gifted kid burnout bad (so has Louise, but she's able to keep up the facade). He had his earplugs in 24/7 and is smart and a good fighter, he just wants to disappear into the mortal world when he's old enough. And annabeth is annoyed bc her mom doesn't like him and she does whatever her mom says tbh. Also she's incredibly stressed that one day she will burnout and not eb of use to anyone anymore just like him. So they but heads a lot

Malcolm pace, 14:

One of her only other friends except her dog and Grover. They get along quite well, Malcolm also being smart. He's literally the best bc he doesn't want to climb the ranks. He just wants to be enthusiastic about like... NASA and stuff. He likes space a lot, and sometimes him and Annabeth work together to combine the magical world they live in with modern space theory. Malcolm is moderately liked by her mom.

Despite annabeth being the youngest, she isn't treated like it. In fact, she's treated like an equal, which is great for her ego and self-esteem but not very good for her child development skills, which are lacking

Thalia:

Oh gods, that one is complicated. If anyone asks, it will be 'I hate her because she was a traitor, who hated the gods and I'm happy she's out of my life', and partially, that's true. And she does hate thalia for that, and she blames thalia for Luke being turned into a tree. She hates thalia because her mother does and because she denounced the camp that basically gave her a home. But there's also another reason which is one she'd actually never say. She hates thalia for leaving and running away and letting her deal with her mother and not saving her, for just leaving and not dragging annabeth with her, for being just like the mother she despised because she's never here to save annabeth from her camp which she hates. She hates when thalia begged come with me, she did it in front of her mother to prove a point and never realised annabeth was scared to say no, never came in thw night to slip her away, and left. Because now annabeth is all alone. But she also still adores thalia and feels bad that she didn't have the courage to leave, which she hates herself for because leaving is bad. So yeah. Complicated

Parents:

Father: hates. Plain and simple. Hates her stepmom and little brothers, too. There's no rules binding her to loving them like her mom, so she just despises them. And she does that until the end bc I think Fredrick Chase doesn't deserve redemption:)

Venus: COMPLEX! As you have seen! Honestly that needs a whole separate post bc my sleepy mind cannot WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT ALL.

Friends:

Grover: she loves the guy. He was one of her first friends, and while she was sceptical about him at first, she's grown to really like him. They are just kinda besties. They only really clash on Thalia, bc Annabeth would rather die than process that trauma and grover really does miss her.

Luke (currently a tree):

She misses him so much. Every annoying thing he did melts away bc she misses him. She sits by his tree a lot to do tasks her mom sets her or does architecture stuff when she has free time. She misses him a lot and loves him like a brother

@ebony-reine-vibes @auroraofthesun1 @lemonsandsadness

[lady-phasma]

Phazzie could you please explain the appeal of Aemond? In great detail please and thanks

I can and I would be honored! I have been saving this one until I could really dig into it. Thanks for your patience, anon.

I'll start with the hair and get it out of the way. Targaryen hair. Now that's done we can move on to why Aemond is such an appealing character for so many in the HotD fandom.

Aemond doesn't have very much screen time and that makes him a bit mysterious. It also makes him fun for fic writers because there is so much blank space to fill in until the next season. You asked for "great detail" so I think the best place to start is with younger Aemond because that part of his character sets a solid foundation for aged-up Aemond who is the primary focus of the Aemond stans.

This kid is complex! Not going into controversies about bullying or whether his actions were justified, objectively Aemond was designed to be more than a one-dimensional character. Your question wasn't about why people hate him but I have to mention that his claiming of Vhagar is the point where fans seem to begin to disagree. However, that such a moment can be so divisive is evidence that it is crucial to his character development.

Back to his appeal. Until this decision is made Aemond is a kind of privileged underdog. He shows disappointment that he was not expected to fulfill any princely duties as his brother is. He is pushed aside as a second son. He isn't a true underdog because, well, he's a Targaryen prince but he has been given a hurdle that is perceived by other characters to be a major disadvantage: he does not have a dragon. For Targaryen royalty that's an embarrassment as well. We all know about the Pink Dread but it's deeper than that.

He makes a rash decision to claim Vhagar at the first opportunity. He's a kid, they act before they think. But he succeeds. Vhagar allows this princeling to ride her. I may not be a good judge of character but dragons are, they know if the rider has the mettle it takes to ride them.

So here's this kid, who lacks for nothing but a dragon, and he finally gets one... under the most inconsiderate circumstances possible. Yup, at Laena's funeral. Kids aren't smart or thoughtful as a rule. Regardless of the 'why's and placing blame, little dude ends up losing an eye by the hand of his nephew Lucerys. Now Westeros is no longer his oyster. A damaged prince, a "cripple" as Bran Stark puts it, and a second son who will have even less duty placed upon him. He's still not to be pitied and he is still privileged beyond imagining, but now his complexity becomes more interesting.

Let's jump ahead. What makes this bizarre, cocky, one-eyed price so likable? Especially when about half of aged-up Aemond's screen time is sass and being rude and literally shoving people. All of that, that's what.

Aemond's appeal is his lack of fucks. He has none to give. He lost them all with his eye. Yes, he loves his mother, honors his father, brother, and sister (don't come at me I'm sure he loves them too). He also worked hard to make sure that he could be arrogant. He didn't wake up a badass. He strove for it. He earned his cockiness. He doesn't give a shit about tourneys because tournaments are for pretty knights who wear armor and ask for favors. He needs no armor, he even discards his shield and still bests a man wielding a morning star. He antagonizes his nephews immediately because he is hyper-aware of his surroundings and planned his words carefully to instill the most insecurity in them as possible.

You might be asking 'how on earth is that appealing?' Well, because the average viewer has to give fucks, day in and day out. His air of superiority is something very few people can get away with without alienating everyone around them. This is why fiction is fun. He is superior and he knows it.

He has no plans to overthrow his brother for the crown but this man knows, and I mean knows, that he is better suited to be king. He knows he is better at everything. Is he right? That's irrelevant for most fans. This grandiosity is sexy. Not only in a sexual attraction kind of way. It's gravitas.

Yet all of that comes from this thin, graceful, precise young man with only one eye. Can you see the juxtaposition, the contradiction, that has been set up for this character? He is, by Westerosi standards, a broken thing. He inhabits a nebulous space, a space not yet concretized by the series, that requires nothing from him while also requiring everything from him.

On top of all of this is a fierce need to rectify what he sees as injustices. He is an ass when he makes his 'strong' pun, as princes can be. He isn't a lovely, compassionate person who rises above, takes the 'high road,' or 'turns the other cheek.' That is appealing as well because it's not how viewers get to navigate their own world. They have to bite their tongues and be the better person. Aemond doesn't have to at all.

To wrap up this monster answer, I want to skip to Storm's End and no, not the chomp, a bit before that. Viewers see Aemond as this rakish, cavalier, sexy Targaryen but I have my doubts that he is viewed that way in the narrative. Lord Borros's daughter isn't fanning herself and melting into a puddle at his feet. He might have Targaryen hair (you knew I couldn't mention it only once) but he is not at all "traditionally" handsome, not as he could have been perhaps, again by Westerosi standards, if he had not lost his eye.

Viewers see him as extremely sexy, again that gravitas as much as his appearance, but aren't frightened of him. The fourth wall protects the viewers from the frightening aspects of Aemond's personality, shields them. And that is the space from which all the appeal emerges. I think I've done pretty well so far to not say "I like this or that" about Aemond. I'm going to do it now. I find him appealing because he is unpredictable. I could very well be frightened of him. I'm not special. I only have a special viewpoint: from behind the fourth wall. His unpredictability makes him interesting (like claiming Vhagar at a funeral) and it makes him a bit dangerous. Of course I think he is beautiful, but that's not the je ne sais quoi of him. What Aemond does that few characters in HotD seem to be doing is making viewers genuinely curious. How that curiosity is expressed is as varied as the fans. Some hate him because he is enigmatic, others love him and project their needs onto him, some want him to be one-dimensional and perhaps evil, and nearly all of them wait with bated breath to find out what he will do next.