#i don’t want to like. divulge all my issues but my Brain just really fucking sucks!

[jasperyourmutt]

Hi pups and mutts-

I’m going to be taking a bit of a hiatus. Just wanted to share that I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch, and I find myself a little unhealthily obsessed with being on here. I need to take a bit of a break and focus on my health <3

I’ll be back soon, but until then bark bark bark. And! Ruff ruff ruff. Chase your tails for me.

[watermelonlipstick]

Dreams, Chapter 11

If you haven’t read this series before, you might want to start on Chapter 1, or check out the Dreams Masterlist! Here’s the series description:

When Dean dies for good leaving Sam and his girlfriend (the reader) behind, they must figure out how to carry on without him. Alone, reeling, and unsure what to do next, trying to honor Dean’s memory and follow their hearts gets even more complicated when their nightmares become dreams that feel a little too real.

Title: Dreams, Chapter 11

Pairing: (past) Dean Winchester x Reader, (eventual) Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 2616

Summary: Another dream makes things more clear for the reader and less clear for Sam.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, s l o w  b u r n

           The booths are those plastic-coated pressboard swoops that are so easy to clean, one row down either side of the long room once you walk past the counter to order. Like other pizza places, there are red pepper flakes and grated parmesan on the table, but they also keep ranch dressing in a minifridge behind the counter as a concession to Midwestern sensibilities. You know you’re just outside Dayton just like you know the pizza shop is run by a family, father and two older teenage daughters deftly throwing dough and scattering cheese evenly over it in a way that shows their years of practice. Dean sits across the table with his elbows on it, one forefinger and thumb picking through a plate of nachos between you. His black t-shirt, amulet, and lack of flannel make you notice the hum of the air conditioner in the background, straining over the 90’s alternative radio and reminding you that you’d been here in a heat stroke the summer after you and Dean had gotten together, his golden freckles and lightened tips of his slightly messy hair underlining the memory.

           “They don’t serve nachos here.” It’s half statement and half question.

           “Babe, it’s your dream. They’ll serve whatever you want. Does the pizza suck in Wisconsin or something?”

           The two sisters are whispering to each other as they look over at your table, an almost-argument that ends with who you suspect is the older sister poofing a pinch of flour into the other’s face. They’re both cute girls but she’s adorable, soft cherubic cheeks and messy bun piling impossibly glossy hair on her head as she walks over to the table with a gigantic pizza. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks in a perfect welcoming cheerleader pitch.

           “I think we’re good for now, sweetheart,” Dean purrs with a wink. That you remember; you’d playfully chastised Dean for dazzling the teens, laughing in his face when he’d said it wasn’t on purpose, that he couldn’t help it if chicks dug him. The wink had proved your point then and now it makes the girl’s cheeks flush red.

           She catches herself remarkably well, the stammer almost slipping under the radar as she assures you that you can “holler if you need anything!”

           Dean brushes his fingers free of nacho debris and loosens a piece of pizza from the melting cheese of the ones next to it. “Last time you had all kinds of sweet nothings and questions for me and now you’re Silent Cal?”

           “I don’t think this is real, but I’m pretty sure if I push it you’ll either die in this dream or I’ll wake up, so my plan is to stay here as long as we can.”

           He drops the pizza back into the box and wipes off his fingers on a napkin before slouching into the booth, arm stretched across its length. “So test me then. Gimme a question only I would know or something.”

           “Well if I ask you something that I know the answer to, my brain will just project you knowing it. See the problem?”

           Dean squints and pouts in consideration, touch of a smile dancing across his face and if it isn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen may you be struck dead right now. “Then ask me something you don’t know the answer to.”

           You think about explaining how that too could just be some part of your subconscious recreation of Dean but you don’t want to keep pulling at loose strings in the event that it wakes you up. It’s too hard to keep from smiling, seeing Dean charming and relaxed like this, and when you grin it makes Dean bite his lip. “What’s something I don’t know the answer to?”

           “Ah, ah—I thought I’m just a hologram, how would I know?”

           “Projection, but okay,” you stall. “Wait, here’s one. Sam said when I first started going on jobs with you guys that you had to have a conversation about staying focused. What was that all about?”

           He runs his tongue along the inside of his lower lip. “Man, why would he tell you that?” he says under his breath, smirking mostly to himself before leaning forward to meet your eyes. “Fine. I’m not even sure that you’re going to remember this. There was a vengeful spirit in Indiana, some like homesteader guy, ring a bell?”

           You have only the vaguest sense of recollection and sort of waggle your head to show it.

           “It was way at the beginning of when you started coming on jobs with us. You and Bobby got into it because he wanted you to bring your own car so you could ditch us if we were ‘acting like cretins’ or some shit like that?”

           That fits the last puzzle piece in for you and makes you chuckle. “He ended up giving me like $250 of mad money in case I needed a new room or a bus ticket, yeah. I remember.”

           “I didn’t know that part but that’s gotta be the same trip. The whole thing was really stupid. Basically we were supposed to have your six but both me and Sammy wanted to carry a shotgun instead of doing that protection spell because it looked cooler. We were arguing about it when the spirit whipped a chunk of the barn’s scaffolding at you and we didn’t catch it in time. You heard it coming and ducked so nothing ended up happening, but it fucking demolished the wall behind you. It was a huge fuckup—thing could’ve taken your head clean off, you know? Sam was so broken up about it he was wasted for like a week solid after we dropped you back off at Bobby’s.”

           “Really? That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

           “I know, usually he does some kind of pouty baby bullshit. But I mean both of us felt really guilty that bitching at each other could’ve taken you out.”

           Dean’s eyes rake over your face, seeming to linger over every inch like he’s going to draw a topographical map of it later by memory. You can tell he’s waiting for you to say something but you can’t think of anything other than tracing each of his freckles where they dust across his nose.

           A hand reaches over the table to run his fingertips along the back of yours, and that certainly feels real enough to send an ache into your gut. “What if you ask Sam? If he says that’s not what happened then you can keep saying I’m not real and you don’t have to listen to me.”

           “But he already basically told me that. The only thing I probably wouldn’t have guessed about that is Sam getting drunk about it—these could’ve been just well-informed guesses about when it probably was or the kinds of things it seemed like he was implying.”

           His lips press into a firm line and the barest touch of pink rises in his cheeks. “We, um, we pinky swore on it.”

           The adorableness of his embarrassment makes you grin teasingly as much as the divulgence does. “A pinky promise? You guys must’ve been pretty serious to take such a sacred oath.”

           He rolls his eyes at your ribbing and throws his hands back in his lap with a defeated smirk. “Laugh it up. Would that be good enough proof for you?”

           It seems like Dean has figured out a loophole in the system, but you’re sure the light of day and Sam’s scrutiny will figure out why it isn’t actual evidence of communication with Dean beyond death, and you tell him that.

           A curtain of suspicious confusion falls over Dean’s face. “Sam being weird about it is what’s keeping you from trusting this? Kid, I’ve been talking to Sa—”

           And you woke up.

           The bed was empty next to you but you could smell something sweet in the air and hear the light clinking of pots or pans Sam was trying his best to keep quiet. You blinked back a few tears of frustration—who even cared if it was real or not? Reliving a great memory with Dean was more than enough and instead of enjoying it you’d wasted a chance at some small respite from your constant ache of grief. And even then, you hadn’t used any of your time to figure out how the whole thing worked, how you could see him again.

           But the most pressing issue was what you thought Dean had been trying to say before disappearing; that he had gotten through to Sam. Sam, of course, deserved to have secrets, but if he had been sitting on the resolution to all the angst you’d been struggling through in the last weeks (months?), you couldn’t imagine a reason why that wouldn’t hurt. Nothing would be solved by laying in your bed to sulk about it, though, so you threw on some clothes and went to brush your teeth.

           When you came out, Sam was hunched slightly, the standard stove highlighting his decidedly non-standard height as he shuffled a pan’s handle. He had a dishtowel over his t-shirt clad shoulder, a habit from the bar that sometimes held over when he was in the kitchen at home, and bare feet under old jeans. They were wearing through at the knees, and you knew they were absolutely pajama-soft from having periodically thrown them in with your own laundry. Through the kitchen window, enough snow-brightened sunlight came into the room to cast him in a halo glow that gleamed off of his hair. As long as it had gotten, chunks still swept into his face as he looked down at the stove, and he tucked one behind his ear as he looked up, half-singing a Buddy Guy song that was playing softly. It was stunning—he was stunning, statuesque and strong and right there in front of you. Cooking you breakfast while you slept in, of all things, chocolate chip pancakes he had to have remembered were your favorite from ages ago. You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d had them and right now, nothing in the world sounded better. He beamed and tilted the pan toward you. “Morning! I made pancakes, you want some?”

           And you should’ve just let the moment rest, sat in the rare bright winter morning and eaten chocolate chip pancakes and relished how well the boiler was working, maybe later in the day read a predictable murder mystery or taped off the living room to be painted and listened to REM until your shoulders were sore from running rollers up the walls all afternoon. Instead, about as stupid and weird a flop as if a toad had come out of your mouth, you said, “Have you been talking to Dean too?”

           Sam’s face fell but not in the right way. There was too much angle in his brow and that confirmed it. “What?” he asked, but it didn’t land.

           “How long have you been talking to Dean?”

           He kept that curious smile for a second, like maybe he could push through by playing dumb and you would forget, but finally his lips flattened and his jaw clenched as he stacked a finished pancake on top of its predecessors. “Just because I’m having dreams about him doesn’t mean it’s really him,” he finally answered, softly and as though he was telling the bubbling pancake batter in front of him, unable to meet your eyes.

           You felt the lump forming in your throat and tried to get the words out ahead of its solidifying. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

           “For what?” He let go of the pan and turned toward you, supporting his weight on the countertop. “So we can both—”

           “Both what? Be delusional? Is that what you were going to say?”

           Sam didn’t answer, but the set of his jaw was firm and he kept his eyes locked on yours.

           “He told me you were drunk for a week after the hunt you were talking about.” You watched as Sam’s pupils widened a touch. “And that you didn’t just promise each other to buckle down, you pinky swore.” Sam’s Adam’s apple jumped in his throat. “It’s true, isn’t it? I can see in your face that it is. Did you already know it’s really him?”

           He looked down at the floor and clenched his jaw. “I was pretty sure. Or at least I really hoped I was pretty sure.”

           You felt more than consciously allowed your mouth’s falling open. “How? How long?”

           “It just—I don’t know, it just felt different. I—uh, the first time was after we made those cupcakes; he asked about the cupcakes.”

           You slumped against the countertop opposite him, speechless. He shoved the pan off the hot burner a little too hard, put a palm on either side of the stove to brace himself. The two of you stood like that for a long minute, the smell of chocolate not matching the stiff heaviness in the air at all.

           “I don’t—what if it’s not real?” His throat sounded bound even though you couldn’t see his face, hulking mass of him spread across the tiny kitchen.

           He seemed so defeated, so young, and then you couldn’t believe how selfish you’d been, not putting two and two together that something challenging Sam’s grip on or understanding of reality must shove him back to the brain melting torture he’d endured in the cage and the months—years, maybe, he was always so tight-lipped about it—afterward. What the fuck were you thinking, not seeing it before, how this could seem like a perfectly laid trap for Sam, the most poetic way to whip his mind into stiff peaks of meringue. It made so much sense why he would need time to really suss it out, see the situation from all angles and investigate, check and re-check. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes but you blinked them away. This was not about you or your complicated need for him, it was about Sam, what he’d been through, what he was likely putting himself through even now.

           “The, um, the pancakes smell really good.”

           “Yeah?” There was half a laugh behind his words, humorless as it was. “I hope they’re okay, I know they’re your, uh, your favorite.”

           “I’m surprised you remembered.”

           Sam leaned on one arm to rub his face with his other hand. “Yeah, well.”

           “Can I help?”

           After a beat, he stood up and offered some space next to him on the stove. You worked hip to hip, sprinkling the chocolate chips while Sam flipped. He was scraping the last of the batter into a last little runt pancake with a spatula when you couldn’t help yourself and wrapped your arms around his waist. He seemed surprised, if sad, before setting down the bowl and covering as much of you as he could, folding over you like a protective shell. It reminded you of that dirty motel room, months and months ago, when Sam held you together as you cracked in his arms. All he could do then was be steadfast in reminding you he was still there, if nothing else was, and you hoped you were able to give him the same now.

           You silently laid two place settings on the kitchen counter while Sam set the food out. He sat next to you and had picked up his fork when you touched his wrist to still him. “If it’s not real for you then I’m losing it too.”

           Sam thought for a second, then raised his forearm and kissed the back of your hand where you held onto him before cutting into his pancakes.

-

Continue to Dreams, Chapter 12

Thanks again for reading! If you liked it, check out my Masterlist or send me a request!

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[juuls]

This was a comment left on chapter 11 of my fem!Tony Stuckony time travel/soulmate fic, Hanging From a Cross of Iron, and I just wanted to put a couple things out there.

First of all, I’m not mad. We’ll make that clear. I’ve received variations of this comment before and it’s rather on the mark. But sometimes both sides can be correct in how they interpret a piece of fiction, and I wanted to show that.

So… yeah. This is something I get every so often on this fic, especially around this chapter (10-12ish) and I just… really wanted to post my reply to it, if for nothing other than explaining the way my brain works and WHY I hate Captain America: Civil War so much for ruining so many good things in fandom.

I’m not putting this out there for sympathy or agreement or to start a fight or stupid shit. It’s more like a… “I’m tired of explaining myself, let me post something I feel is a semi-eloquent response to someone who was at least mostly respectful and got some things right, who I know does represent a fair portion of people who may be interested in reading this fic,” which I could then just point/link to the next time I wake up to things making me sad in my inbox on top of me being sad and feeling guilty at not having written for a while.

Stupid covid. Stupid life being dumb and depressing and draining energy and happiness from many. Just you wait. I’ll be back soon with Codega and this fic, Cross.

But here. This is my reply to the above comment:

So I don’t normally reply to critique such as this because this IS fanfiction, but you are at least part right: it IS supposed to be unfair.

This is me working out my issues with Civil War, because boy that sure as fuck pissed me off. I love Stuckony, but after CACW it was really hard to reconcile that love anymore. So this was my way to do that, and I 100% wanted to bring in the unfairness, the distrust, the favouritism, the… meanness that I saw and felt after that.

It’s also a way for me to work through my issues at the injustices I suffered at the hands of my ex-husband—I started writing this shortly after packing my bags and leaving.

I wanted a slow, somewhat realistic, non-fairytale path to even partial redemption, shared pain and circumstances and experiences, and to show that things CAN work out as long as certain lines are not crossed. I skirt the line sometimes, definitely on purpose, but that’s for ME.

I wanted to turn the tables: Steve (and Bucky) were out of their time and comfort zone in the future—Toni, in turn, needed to be out of her time and comfort zone in the past.

Plus, can you imagine a soulmate world where you’ve had a partner and you think “this is it”? Then bam! Suddenly someone’s suddenly thrust into your life.

And I wanted to play on every single issue Toni would have experienced with her family, friends, “friends”, enemies, Obie, her company, the world, etc., post-IM2.

None of them have had an easy go of it and war is goddamn hell. They ALL have PTSD. (But also, lol, the Howlies start laying into Stucky about what you’re getting mad about here too, so I’m way ahead of you!)

From the beginning, this was as much a psychological setting as a romantic one: way more so in the beginning. But it slowly crawls its way out of the murk. I wanted a soulmate story where it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. I wanted a story where they had to fight for it… or where they had a choice, shitty as it may be (they’ll NEVER choose not to have Toni, that was never going to happen). I wanted something… realistic, even amidst super soldiers, super tech, an almost unbelievable war, and soulmates existing.

I wanted it to be a fight. I wanted rejection… then them, ALL of them, to choose each other despite that, despite their past, and despite fate.

That is my goal with this fic. And since I take my own sweet time, that’s really not readily apparent so soon in this fic, even at chapter 11.

The love will be there. The unconditional love, the equal triadic love. Not just Stucky plus Toni. Because believe me, Stucky is probably one of my least favourite ships that include some of my favourite characters. Sounds ridiculous since I write them here, but as a historian I wanted to take that, take some realism, with a dash of ridiculous and hurt and pain and anger, and see what I could do with that.

The entire reason this story exists is because of a scene idea I had that doesn’t come about until the future in the 20s chapters. Leaning on each other and trusting each other because one of them was lost. Well, technically, that happens twice.

But the point is: this is a long as fuck story towards a love they have to (and WANT to, eventually) fight tor.

This fic is for me. It’s for people like me. It’s for people who don’t want an easy love story. It’s absolutely okay that you don’t like it! There are SO many fics that I dislike for a variety of reasons, and I simply close it, mark it as Did Not Finish, and don’t return. I recognize not every fic is for me.

This one’s for me. I may have sort of stalled out where I’m at in the 20s chapters, but it’s left at a pretty good place, and I’m looking forward to this dumb pandemic so I can get back to forging this love between these three idiots, as well as pick up an old Star Wars story I left 4+ years ago due to the abuse at the hands of my ex. But I’m ready to return to it now. Well, after the world calms down a little.

It’s okay if you’re done with this story—that is 100% your choice and I will never begrudge you that. I’m glad you gave it a try though! If you’re interested, you could skip ahead and see how the dynamics have changed, or I could give you clips and examples too.

My one wish (though I understand it completely) is that you had not done this on Anon. For a few reasons:

1, I would never hold this opinion against you, especially because you got tons of it right! Go you!

2, I’d love to understand you better and discuss this with you. No recriminations whatsoever.

3, But I do wonder who of those who have read my other writings left me this message. It makes me a little sad, and I will wonder which of the people I talk to have this negative opinion of me now, but that’s also my own past issues rearing their ugly heads. You have every right to remain on Anon, though it’s not so nice when you wake from a nice dream and discover anon ‘dislike’ in your inbox on a work you slaved away on, and that the dislike is specifically about the things you wrote about deliberately, hah. Sorta funny, actually, so I’ll let that one go. xD

Thank you, though, even if I disliked reading this words: it helps me to look at my own work critically and to better understand how to frame and write things going forward.

Not every fic is for everyone, and that’s okay. I’ve encountered mine, you’ve encountered yours, but I think we’ve both learned from this interaction.

Whoever you may be, even if you divulge your handle to me, my respect for you wouldn’t diminish. It’s good to have healthy discussions and to look critically upon your own work—even if I am a sensitive bean and it hurts a little, I’m fine. :P

I think the lesson to be learned here is: fuck everything after CACW!!!! Grrrrr xD

Take care,

Juuls

P.S. I may post parts of this on my Tumblr because I do occasionally encounter similar complaints about this story, and I think maybe this is the most coherent and respectful enough comment-reply response I’ve had on this topic. Thank you.

P.P.S. Happy to talk privately too!

P.P.P.S. And the offer still stands for some lovely clips from future chapters, especially if you’re not considering continuing reading this story anymore; it’ll at least show what I’m talking about and what I’ve been working tirelessly towards. It’s hard—fucking hard—work to get past CACW and still like these characters together (my fic Paper Boats is probably one of my bigger testaments to that, oof) and I admit it’s still really really hard and I struggle with it. Covid isn’t the only reason I’ve sort of stalled out on that. But that’s more because I’m like “now what?” than not seeing any love between these three.

It’s a long journey. I knew it was going to be. But I like a challenge. :)

Take care, be well, stay safe, to you and all of yours.

And may you find many fics you love!

[vancilocs]

Pre annd love for colm and naomi, vastravia and qizare aaand dagon and jame?

thank u phone for lending my laptop ur mobile data

PRE

How did they first meet?

In a forest when Colm was just wandering around and Naomi happened to be wandering in the same area

Vastravia heard whispers of something.... weird in the area and went to investigate only to find a very confused kamos stuck in someone's basement

At work, introduced briefly when the two crews first met one another

What was their first impression of each other?

Fear at first but very soon they were more fascinated by another weirdo in the woods in the middle of the night

Vastravia had never seen anyone like Qizare, she was fascinated. Kiki was more confused and a little scared, but calmed down pretty quick

Completely professional, if Dagon's garish shirt didn't strike Jame as something

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Naomi doesn't really have family or much friends, but she became very liked by the clan otherwise. Mahran was... suspicious of a weird girl wooing her weird son, but his happiness went ahead of that

Nobody had anything negative to say about it, it was odd but nothing wrong with it.

Kristján was happy for Dagon, yes he may have had his own divorce weighing him down and wouldn't be able to spend as much time with his best friend as before, but hey, he's happy, I'm happy.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Naomi had had more romantic experience, Colm had issues with relationships in general

Vastravia, fell for the goop

Maybe Dagon, he's been married before, he's a bit more forward with these things

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Not really, they just took it really slow and got to know each other really well first

Naah

Not really but they also took it slow

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Honestly? They'd believe it

No.

Yeah no

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

They'd be chilling in forests and doing their own things

Kiki would hopefully be still vibin in her homeland, enjoying dirt

Working most likely

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

Naomi, it's really hard for Colm to say it

Vastravia, to her own utter bafflement

Dagon by half-accident

What are their primary love languages?

Acts of service and limited physical touch

Physical touch, quality time, loving words

Quality time on their own terms, physical touch

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Neither

Remy teaches them to Kiki

Neither

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

If Colm doesn't need reassurance during the day, they usually lay down together at least at the end of the day

They keep it private but cuddles are frequent, Kiki can literally just wrap around Vastravia

They show no PDA but in private they do like to snuggle or lay down together and chill

Who initiates kisses?

Both can

Usually Kiki, she sneaks up on ya

Jame has to wait until Dagon is within reach, free game after that

Who’s the big and little spoon?

They switch based on which one wants to be held that time

Also switch, usually Vastravia is big spoon because she doesn't want to be entirely engulfed for the whole night. Gets sweaty. Also Kiki gets all melty when she falls asleep so it's nicer to be held than to hold

Dagon tends to be big spoon, he's way cuddlier anyways

What are their favorite things to do together?

Gardening and household chores, collecting herbs, alchemy, later on looking after the children

Snuggling, hanging out, watching TV and having some wine

Hanging out, cooking and eating dinner together, watching TV, snuggling

Who’s better at comforting the other?

Naomi is a bit better, she may not have had parent to grow up with but at least she wasn't fucked up in the head by her dad like Colm was (nor stabbed by him)

Vastravia doesn't need as much comfort as much as she needs someone to tell her to relax and help her with that, Kiki is great at that

Honestly, for the longest time if Dagon needed comfort he'd go to Kris. Nothing personal, just that Kris knows Dagon's baggage well and he just doesn't want to divulge all of it to someone else too. But later on he'll accept what comfort Jame can give too

Who’s more protective?

Both are somewhat, but Naomi more about Colm's mental state. He trusts her enough to let her wander around in the forest by herself during new moon, but she won't go if he seems anxious

Kiki more, looking after both Vastravia and their children. Travi has to look after the outer rim as well.

Neither really sees action, so there's not much reason to worry. I don't know about Jame's combat prowess, but Dagon doesn't really have any

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical

Physical a bit more

Physical

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Cutesy but... still a little off. Like instead of sweetpea it'd be nightshade

Beloved, my love, darling, wife dearest, etc.

Rarely will Dagon use love or dear.

Who remembers the little things?

Naomi has a very good memory, Colm's brain is a little scrambled.

Usually Vastravia. Kiki knows everything about their children though

I think Jame. All that monster energy has melted down Dagon's concentration energy

[arukou-arukou]

Just A Really Very Intelligent System

Been thinking about this one for a while. Finally managed to write it. Rating: T for “Language.” (It just kinda slipped out.) Characters: Tony Stark & JARVIS

----

He is in one of the most dangerous situations of his life trying to save the whole freaking universe by watching a man the size of a dust bunny wriggle into the hairline of his younger self, so it would be really, really bad if he happened to have a heart attack. Older him that is. But he nearly does go into cardiac arrest when he hears an old friend in his ear.

“Verify immediately. Failure to verify will result in an activation of level one security protocols.”

His tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and his palms are sweating, but somehow he manages to whisper out: “Edwin-12-19-91-4-8-47-Alpha Override.”

“Override accepted. Sir?”

“Hey, J.”

“Sir, you have imbued me with considerable computing power, and yet never did you prepare me for the possibility of you being in two places at once.”

“Yeah, about that. You haven’t said anything to Mr. Quipster over there, have you?”

“Not as yet, Sir. You wish me to keep it that way?”

“It would really help me out, buddy.”

“Very well, Sir.”

Tony wants to stay longer, to talk, to warn JARVIS, to cry, but he has places to be, things to do, planets to save. Scott’s safely positioned, so Tony yeets himself out of the building to get to the ground floor. He doesn’t know why he thought that would make JARVIS disappear.

“I see, Sir, that your proclivities for leaping before looking are unchanged.”

Another near heart attack--he’s gradually phased Friday out of his ears now that the nanotech is connected directly to his nervous system, so he’s not exactly used to AI voices anymore--but he recovers more quickly. “You’re always there to catch me, J.”

“And yet my systems are not present in your suit, Sir. I see codal remnants of system designation FRIDAY, but nothing of myself.”

Tony remains silent. This is such a terrible time to be feeling all the feelings. He spots a grunt who looks more or less unimportant and knocks the guy out. Part of him wants to warn SHIELD about their shit security, but then again, this guy’s probably Hydra and he deserves every bruise he gets. He senses JARVIS in his systems, a ghost in the shell.

“You no longer have the reactor. And if I’m not mistaken, that is gray in your hair. So you are not my Sir.”

“Well, yes and no.”

“I suppose it would destroy the spacetime continuum for you to divulge the truth to me.”

“You’re too smart for me, J,” Tony grunts as he yanks on the bullet-proof tac vest. “It’s kind of a long story, and while I technically have all the time in the world, I also really, really don’t.”

He sidles into the lobby and looks toward his personal elevator, waiting for the Avengers to appear. J is quiet so long Tony wonders if he’s being preoccupied by...well, just about anything. Damaged internal systems, a Cap copy on the loose, a second Hulk out there, panicked calls from Pepper. But then JARVIS speaks again.

“Regardless of the tale, I must conclude that you are from the future, and I am no longer by your side.”

Tony is fucking choking up. He was not ready for this. It didn’t even cross his mind. And the fucking elevator is opening. There’s Pierce, the rat bastard, trying to collect the Tesseract.

“I hope I did not disappoint you, Sir.”

“Never, J. Never.” Fuck fuck fuck, he’s nearly crying and now Scott is on the com waiting for the go-ahead. Tony channels his pain into panic and orders his own cardiac arrest.

“Sir, what are you--”

Thank god, his younger self is on the ground and that’s apparently all the distraction J needs to abandon older Tony. Tesseract incoming. Tony grabs it and starts going and--

Blinking stars out of his eyes he watches as Loki makes off with the key, the thing they most needed, the damn stone that started all of this way back when Cap was a starry-eyed beanpole in World War II. He has just biffed saving the entire damn universe because of an overgrown Star Trek reject with anger issues. And now he has a migraine to boot.

Frozen in shame and horror, Tony watches as Thor attempts ill-advised cardiac electro-stim. Scott’s somewhere out there, yammering in Tony’s ear on the private channel, but all of that is just a buzzing.

“Sir? Sir. Sir!”

And J. Maybe Tony should cry now. It certainly feels like the time for it. One of the other SHIELD grunts is making her way toward him, so he staggers to his feet, waving her off and limping toward the door. Think. Think, brain, think. Tony is a genius, the man who invented time travel, the man who miniaturized arc reactor technology. A spaceship? SHIELD’s probably got one somewhere. Maybe they could chase after Loki.

“SIR!” How many times JARVIS has shouted his title, Tony has no idea, but this one is so loud it sets his teeth on edge.

“Yeah, J? Kind of busy here.”

“Giving yourself a heart attack, Sir?” JARVIS was programmed to be cool and calm in all circumstances, but Tony could swear that sentence was uttered with seething rage.

“I’m fine. Look at me.”

“Only by some measure of infinitesimal luck, Sir. Perhaps I should ask you to verify your identity one more time, as you seem intent on killing yourself.”

“No, J. I’ve actually got a lot of reasons to live. And so does he. Promise.” Tony is so tired. Was being an Avenger always this exhausting? Or is it just that he’s bumped over that damnable big 5-0? And Cap’s gonna ream him too. That’s never any fun.

“I’m...glad to hear it, Sir.”

And fuck it. It’s not like this will alter Tony’s timeline anyway. This reality is now on a different trajectory thanks to Severus Snape Lite. “Her name’s Morgan. You’d love her, J. Just turned four. She got my hair. Hope to god she didn’t get my personality.”

“Do I meet her, Sir?”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck it.

“J, you should dig a little deeper into SHIELD’s systems. Well, actually, a lot deeper. And the Pentagon while you’re at it. And track down Maya Hansen from that conference in 1999 and poach her from whatever outfit she’s working for. Immediately. Make sure she brings all her vet patients with her. And, uh, when I start talking about a suit of armor around the world, steer me away from anything called Ultron. And if I make it anyway, you delete the fuck out of that system file. Have Bruce back you up. He’s more sensible.”

“Sir, I don’t--”

“And have me make back-ups. At least three extra farms of servers for you. On different continents. And all those SHIELD files? Make sure Cap and Fury get them. And there’s...there’s this guy. This assassin. Brainwashed. He’s, uh, I think he’s on ice in Uzbekistan right now. If you could rescue him, it’ll...it’ll fix a lot of things.”

“Should you really--”

“And, please. Please please.”

Tony is not crying. He’s not. It’s just all the dust and debris in the air. Good lord, he’s probably going to die of cancer anyway. And all those first responders. Did he start a fund for them?

“Start a medical fund for the first responders on the ground today. And start leaning on Congressmen to make medical plans for them. You know how long they take to get anything done. Oh, and Stern. There are incriminating photos of Stern with some young ladies on South Beach. See if you can dig those up. Flowers for Pep. And a box of chocolates. And a dry martini with extra olives.”

Tony slumps into a burned out car, staring at nothing. He didn’t save his universe, but maybe he can save this one. His eyes are still irritated, burning red and itchy. He resists the urge to scrub at them, not wanting to grind in anymore dust.

“Are you quite finished, Sir?”

“Yeah. Actually, no. I love you, J.”

Silence. Ah. That’s stumped him. Maybe he’ll go back to tending his new posse of baby chicks now.

“I know you probably do not believe me capable of it, Sir, but I love you, too.”

His son. The only one he’ll ever make, but not the only one he’s lost. His son loves him. Tony’s throat is full of dust, too. Funny how that happens. He tries to swallow it down, but it only congeals into a hard lump. He puts a hand over his mouth to try and hold back any choking sounds. “I...I know you do, J.”

“As to your orders, I shall do what I can. It is my duty to protect you, Sir, and I would very much like to meet your little Morgan.”

“She might not exist here. I might’ve just changed everything.”

“If there is one thing I have learned from all my years with you, Sir, it is that perhaps such a thing as fate exists after all. Even mathematically speaking. And if that is the case, I cannot imagine a universe in which you are not fated to this happiness.”

Tony laughs, if only to keep from crying harder. And he is. Crying, that is. As if he was fooling anyone. Happiness? Him? Happy people don’t wake in the night screaming for a pile of dust in their hands. Happy people don’t spend hours coordinating relief efforts for countries whose entire infrastructural support has collapsed. Happy people don’t hurl themselves back in time, driven by guilt and horror at all the wrongs in the world. J, brilliant, wonderful AI that he is, seems to sense the dark turn of Tony’s thoughts.

“And if you yourself cannot believe in this thing, Sir, then I shall just have to do everything in my power to provide it for you.”

Another guffaw, but at least his eyes are drying a little now. “God, I miss you, J.”

“I believe your small teammate is approaching, Sir. If I may inquire, was it the Tesseract you were seeking?”

“You mean the stupid blue cube of doom? That’s the one.”

“And you say you have the means to time travel?”

“Yeah, J. We do. But only enough to get back to our time.”

“A limitation has never stopped you before, Sir.” JARVIS sounds thoughtful, as if he’s forming a plan.

Tony would ask him what he’s scheming at, but just at that moment, Scott embiggens himself and slumps into the car with Tony. That road is closed, then. They are out of options. Out of Pym particles. Out of time. Out of hope.

Until they aren’t. Just as Tony is setting his device for their new destination, J pipes up again, for Tony’s ears only. “You say you miss me, Sir. Then allow me to give you a small gift.”

Tony is pressing the buttons, and even if they weren’t already shrinking into the quantum tunnel, he wouldn’t be able to ask exactly what J means. It’s only when he and Cap arrive in 1970 that he has his first gleaning. In his ear, a voice. One so unexpected he nearly jumps into Cap’s arms. “Hello, System Administrator Anthony Edward Stark. I am System Designation EDWIN. ‘Eagerly Deployed With Intent to Neutralize Loneliness.’ I am told to tell you the “L” is silent and invisible. How may I best serve you today, Sir?”

Cap is staring at Tony like Tony’s lost his mind. And maybe he has. He’s been bugged by his own damn operating system. With a bouncing baby AI. And if Steve finds out, he’ll probably have a conniption about the spacetime continuum or something. So the only logical thing Tony can do is say, “Let’s find some Pym particles.”

“Acknowledged, Sir. Commencing scanning.”

-----

(In this reality EDWIN saves the fuck out of Tony’s life and everyone lives happily ever after and EDWIN builds JARVIS from scratch so he’s back or something, okay? Okay.)

[acabecca]

Wren Kelly + Sirius Black // Things Like Love - a Marauders AU

Sirius winced at her words and couldn’t help but ask her, “Were you really pining over me for months?”

“Longer, probably. You knew I was,” Wren laughed quietly. “Everyone knew I was. Even Peter knew I was, so if you really had no idea then you were either blind or stupid,” she paused. “Or both.”

“If it means anything,” Sirius began. “I do think I had feelings for you, too,” he admitted softly, watching as the smile slipped from Wren’s lips as she quickly turned to face him. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this now – James would kill me if he heard me – but I was terrified of what those feelings might mean.”

Sirius turned away from her, looking out over the lake and running a hand through his hair. He could feel her eyes burning holes in the side of his head, but he wasn’t going to continue unless she spoke – she had a boyfriend now, after all, and Sirius didn’t want to make either of them uncomfortable.

“…Why?” Wren asked once she realised he wasn’t going to voluntarily divulge that information. Her voice had cracked slightly on the word, Sirius had noticed, almost as if she were afraid of his answer.

“Because we’re friends, Bird,” he answered with a sigh. “All of us. I didn’t want to do anything that could mess that up, you know? Throw off the group dynamic.”

“Never stopped James when he was chasing after Lily, did it?” Wren scoffed, and Sirius sent her a grin.

“Is that jealousy I detect, Miss. Kelly?” he teased.

Wren rolled her eyes. “As if.”

“Suppose you have no reason to be jealous if you’re the one who finally nabbed him.”

“You say that like he ever had a chance with Lily in the first place,” she smirked, and Sirius let out a quiet laugh. Wren eyed him curiously. “I don’t buy that bullshit answer, by the way. About not wanting to mess up the group dynamic. If that was really the case, you never would have kissed me or taken me to that bedroom. So what’s the real reason?” she leaned forwards in her seat. Sirius huffed out another sigh and ran his hands through his hair again. “…Is this about your parents?”

“What exactly do you know about my parents?” he asked carefully.

“Not a lot,” Wren shrugged her shoulders. “Just that you don’t really get along with them and that’s why you’re always round at James’ place. I know that you don’t really get along with your mother-”

“She’s the devil,” Sirius interrupted with a growl. “She’s a horrible woman, Wren. She’s just an all-round terrible person. Loving her ruined my dad. My entire life, I’ve watched him lose himself bit by bit. He was my best friend growing up, you know? He used to take me and my brother out every Saturday - football, golfing, swimming, he’d take us to the zoo, the cinema - nothing too fancy, just wherever we wanted to go. He was a completely different person when we were out of that house and away from her. Now he barely speaks to me, just about glances up when I go home to see Reg or grab some things to take back to James’. I… I didn’t want that to happen with us.” 

Wren had kept quiet the entire time Sirius had been speaking and he had been careful not to look at her. Now, he risked a glance at her, and he almost immediately wished he hadn’t. She was staring at him in bewilderment and she blinked at him before she opened her mouth to speak.

“You… thought… I’d ruin you?” she asked him slowly.

Sirius’ eyes widened. “God, no! No, Bird, I thought I would ruin you.”

“So you didn’t tell me you maybe had feelings for me because you were scared you’d, what? End up hurting me?”

“I suppose so, yeah.”

“But you hurt me anyway.” 

Sirius looked down. “I know I did, but I never meant to, Wren. I promise you that. I even- I mean, after Peter’s party, I thought about telling you. I even spoke to Remus about it, because he knows you better than anyone and I realised how much I’d fucked up. I was going to tell you everything, but you were ignoring me every attempt I made to contact you and he told me to give you space. I had to stop myself from blurting it out when I saw you in the pub after Christmas, but I didn’t think you’d appreciate that and I noticed James was quite touchy with you so I left it. And then you weren’t ignoring me anymore,” he told her quietly, finally looking up at her. “But you were already with James. And he’s my best mate, y’know? So I couldn’t say anything then.”

“...And he didn’t know about this? You didn’t tell him?”

“James?” Sirius asked in confusion. “Of course I didn’t, I thought he might go blabbing to Evans - or worse, Marlene! The only person I told was Remus.”

“Okay.”

“Why?”

“Just thought it would have been pretty shitty of him to make me his girlfriend if he knew how you felt, right?” Wren frowned, and Sirius shook his head as he turned to face her. 

“Would it have made a difference?” he whispered, and she shot him a confused look. “If I’d have told you first. Would it have made a difference?”

“Probably,” Wren murmured. “I really liked you, Sirius. If you’d have told me after Peter’s party I probably would have jumped you. Finally, Sirius Black realises I’m the perfect girl for him, y’know?” she sent him a teasing smile, nudging him with her elbow. “Shame Potter beat you to it.”

“Is it?” Sirius asked quickly, screwing his eyes shut for a second when he realised he had spoken without engaging his brain. 

“What?”

“Is it a shame James got there first before I told you how I felt?” he questioned. “Do you wish I would have told you, Wren? Do you wish we could have had a chance?” he watched as Wren’s eyes went wide and her mouth opened and closed with no words coming out, and he instantly regretted asking her. He would rather never know the answer than have her just reject him outright.

“Sirius-”

“Nevermind,” he interrupted quickly. “It doesn’t matter anyway, does it? It’s obvious to me how you and James feel about each other now, can’t believe I never picked up on it before, really. You’re perfect for one another. I suppose I’m just a bit jealous, in a way. Not- not because- I’m- I don’t mean- I’m not jealous of James or anything!” Sirius stuttered out before he paused and took a deep breath. “God, this is all coming out wrong. I just meant that, I see you guys together and you’re both so happy and comfortable with each other. He can hold your hand whenever he wants to, and the way you lean into him when he’s got arm around you, or the way he whispers stuff to you and you roll your eyes but you’re still smiling at him… I would love to have that someday,” he asked, looking towards her and seeing the pink tinge to her cheeks. His eyes widened slightly in panic as he realised how his little confession probably sounded. “With someone, you know? Someone else. I would like to have that relationship with another girl.”

Wren watched him for a moment, seeing the way his face had flushed as he spoke and the way his fingers twitched as he fiddled with the ends of the sleeves of his jacket - a sure sign he was nervous. Reaching out, she placed a hand over his and ignored the way he jumped at her touch.

“You know, Sirius, if you stop running away from every girl who is capable of loving you, then you could have that someday,” she told him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “We just need to sort out your obvious commitment issues first.”

Sirius snorted. “Cheers, Bird.”

“Anytime, Black!” she grinned, patting his hand. “Anytime.”

 taglist:@sgtbuckyybarnes​ @ocfairygodmother​ @lukespatterson​ @mer-writes​ @whctsherncme​ @foxesandmagic​ @ochub​ @ocappreciationtag​ (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

[sickrentheadcanons]

1 New Message - Chapter 2

It was fair to say that Simon Williamson was unfamiliar with the concept of guilt. He had never been one for apologies, nor was he a blame-shifter; if there was one thing that could be said for Simon, he was always happy to hold his hands up and admit what he had done but would he apologise? Never. Guilt was not a regular feature in Simon's emotional cycle. Shit happens, you deal with it; 'The gig goes on.' but then so had his Grindr correspondence with Mark.

They spoke for hours, days, weeks even; both men completely and utterly enthralled with one another. Simon would skirt around the topic of “Face pics” and they would text about their day, what they were making for dinner, what their plans for the weekend were (Simon always quick with a lie... but then what was new?). Sometimes Simon wasn't sure why or how he had ever missed this side of Mark. He was sweet and clever and funny, genuinely funny. Simon had never found Mark funny, not really; he was just less of an irritating cunt than the rest of their friends. Simon tolerated Mark, or at least that's what he told himself as he sprawled across their sofa, phone in hand while he scrolled through their most recent conversation.

Mark was working another late shift behind the bar at The Mousetrap and while Simon would usually take advantage of an empty flat by finding a lassie to keep himself occupied, tonight was different. Tonight he was bored, bored of everything and everyone but Mark. He missed the wee ginger fuck and he'd only been gone two hours. Two hours wasn't that long and Simon was far from needy (regardless of what his Ma would tell you) but that was still two hours of radio silence on Grindr; not a single message since Mark had told David his shift was about to start, signing off with an amorous “Don't miss me too much.”

Si was fairly certain that he had learned more about Mark Renton (the real Mark Renton) in the past two and a half weeks than he ever had during their time together as friends. He had learned that Mark was a Pisces and actually believed in all that astrology bollocks, that his favourite colour was Orange but he couldn't stand the fruit. He learned that Mark suffered from anxiety, that he was medicated for it and that he never really felt comfortable enough to open up about it; not to his mates, not to his da, not to anyone. That one had hurt and Simon couldn't deny it. He knew he had no right to be offended, not when he was betraying Mark's trust the way he was but he couldn't bring himself to pull away now; not after weeks of sharing jokes, stories and intimate details about their... well, Mark's life. Almost everything Simon had divulged to Mark had been completely fabricated, too scared of being caught in the lie and held accountable; finally, a transgression that Simon Williamson wasn't completely nonchalant about having committed.

Simon had given up all hope of hearing from Mark for the evening, deciding instead to stop staring at his fucking phone and go to bed where he could at least mope somewhere warm and comfortable. He laid in the dark, eyes closed while his brain worked overtime; thoughts of how Mark was getting on at work at the forefront of his mind.

Was he enjoying his shift? Was he missing their conversation as much as Simon was? Was he thinking about 'David' at all? Was he flirting with anyone? 'Is the Mousetrap even ae buftie bar?' Simon wondered. He had never thought to ask; never really had a reason to.

He grabbed his phone, intending to google 'The Mousetrap, Leith' when curiosity took hold and he found himself opening Grindr for what he was sure was the 100th time that evening. It was becoming habitual and Si blamed his addictive personality. A smirk tugged at the corners of Simon's mouth when the app greeted him with a new message from Mark.

Mark>> Hope you're no missin me too much? ;-p

What if a am? <<David

Mark>> Well then you'd be in trouble.

Trouble? <<David

Mark>> Aye.

Whys that? <<David

Mark>> Because I told you not to.

Oh aye? And what ye say goes does it? <<David

Mark>> Aye. It does.

Simon felt his stomach flip. Now this was a side of Mark that he had certainly never seen. Assertive and dominant were not words that Simon would ever associate with Mark Renton but Mark, Simon was quickly learning was full of surprises.

Ye dinny seem like the authoritative type, Mark. <<David

Mark>> Let me hear ye say that with my cock down yer throat.

Fuck. They had never done this before; this was new fucking territory and Simon was just thankful that nobody was there to witness the violent shade of red that had instantly flushed his cheeks. 'Wit the fuck am a supposed tae say to that?' He swallowed hard and worried his lower lip between his teeth as he considered his options. He should have ended it there, deleted the profile and the app and let David disappear into the night but that could have potentially hurt Mark and Simon didn't want that. He could have just brushed the comment off, made a joke of it and hope that Mark wouldn't press the issue any further.

'Or... a could just reply? Give the needy wee cunt a bit of what he's after and then no ever think aboot it ever again. It's no like he'd even ken it's me.'

Mark>> David??

Reclining back against the headboard, Simon drew a deep breath and typed out his response.

Sorry. A wis just a bit surprised. <<David

Mark>> Did I make you uncomfortable? Shite, sorry.

Naw. Nothin like that. Just... curious? <<David

Mark>> about?

The size a wit i'd be choking on ;) <<David

Mark>> Are ye askin' me for a dick pic, David?

Simon wasn't sure. Was he? Why had he said that? Of all the fucking things... he was curious about the size of Mark's cock now? 'A mean aye, ad be lyin' if a said ad never thought aboot it; Diane seemed keen enough aw those years back. A bit a curiosity is normal like... a just wanty see wit aw the fuss is aboot.'

Wit if a am? <<David

Mark>> Be a good boy and ask nicely.

Si could feel the undeniable pressure of a rapidly forming hard-on against his thigh as he read Mark's response; surprised at the dizzying affect the words had on his body. He cast a glance down at his tented boxers and sighed in defeat. 'Traitor.'

Please may a see yer cock? <<David

Better? <<David

Mark>> Much better.

Mark>> I've got tae get back to my shift now but if you can wait until the morra I'll do you one better? ;)

What does that mean? <<David

Mark>> You'll see.

Mark>> Talk later. X

And with that Mark was gone. The little green dot beside his name turning grey and leaving Simon both confused and painfully hard. 'Fucking tease.' With a frustrated groan he threw his phone back down onto the bedside table and shoved a hand inside of his boxers to wrap around his aching cock. 'It's no gay if a don't think aboot him... or what his cock would look like while am on ma knees in front of it, just waitin' fer him to give it tae me.. beggin' him fae it while he teases me; or what it would feel like, aw heavy against ma tongue while he fucks ma mouth and tells me how fuckin' braw a look suckin' him off. That a wis made to suck cock... made for him' Simon's breath hitched and his legs instinctively spread wider as his hand tightened around his leaking cock, hand speeding up to stroke himself faster 'Made to be his good boy... Fuuuck!'

with a stifled moan Simon came, spilling across his hand and into his own boxers.

He had laid there; sticky, wet and utterly blissed out. He would have been embarrassed at how quickly he had cum if it wasn't for the fact that he currently had bigger things to worry about... like the fact that he apparently wanted Mark Renton to skull-fuck him into oblivion all of a sudden. 'Wit the fuck am a meant tae do with that information? Is no like a can tell him.. Oh, hi Mark; how wis work? Oh, aye? Good wis it? Don't suppose you'd mind bein' a pal and lettin' me choke on yer cock?' Simon groaned outwardly; the short lived afterglow of his orgasm slowly subsiding and giving way to annoyance and frustration. He peeled away his soiled boxers, using them to clean himself up before tossing them to the floor where he didn't have to look at them and be reminded of what he'd just done... or of how badly he wanted to do it again.

[skyking91-archive]

sleepover || Jess and Sky

Discord thread featuring: Sky & @jesskipp

When: 9/21/2020

Where: Sky’s flat

Mentions: @samuelburton

Description: Sky and Jess have a movie night and Sky tells Jess that her and Sam kissed after Aaron and Alison’s party

Trigger Warnings: -

Sky

Sky and Jess had just finished building their fort in the middle of Sky's loft. Yes, they were being children. But they didn't care. Jess and Sky both had successful careers, and they were to of the most classy ladies that Sky knew. But their sleepovers reminded Sky of something middle school girls would do....plus wine. Lots and lots of wine. Sky was just in an oversize t shirt and underwear when she returned from the kitchen to hand Jess the glass of wine she poured for her. She crawled into their fort and called her dog over who she heard slopping up some water from his bowl. "What are we watching, babes?" She asked as she sat down next to her.

Jess

Jess loved loved making forts. It was one thing she'd always look forward to during their sleepovers. Her childhood friend had outgrew it, so she didn't get to make many back in Washington after age thirteen. But with Sky? She always could count on her having the same brain wave length. She could always be that much more childish with her and not feel embarrassed. What was there to be embarrassed about? Even their dogs could fit. She had Hatchi in her lap right now as they waited for her best friend. There was also some chocolates for them to divulge in, but she keeps those shut in their container on one of the cushions so their dogs can't get to them. She takes the wine Sky gives her, and scoots to give her room for once she gets inside. She had their movie ready to play. "Thank you, my love! I've put on Frozen." she grinned, pets Sky's dog as he passed her to sit with Sky. "We can have a little sing along. — Oh shoot, I should've brought my Olaf onesie."

Sky

One of Sky's favorite things about Jess was that she wasn't ashamed of the kid inside of her. Frozen, a fort, junk food, two dogs. And Jess was right, the only thing missing was their matching Olaf onsies that Sky had gotten them for Christmas one year. That was just the kind of presents that they got each other. Ones that would seem like gag gifts to other people, but that were actually put to use by Sky and Jess. Sky told her dog to sit next to her and praised her when he did, petting him and cooing at him like he was just won an Olympic gold medal. "Good choice. Would you like to be Hans or Anna during Love is an Open Door this time?" She asked, almost too seriously. "What kind of onsies should I get us for Christmas this year?" Because at this point, it wasn't a surprise that she was going to get her best friend a matching onsie again this year.

Jess

Jess takes a sip of her wine as she considers her role. "I'll be Hans." she giggled. "I'll try to zone in to my inner Hans, deep voice and all." She says that now, but both of them know once she can't hold the tone anymore she'll just revert to singing in her regular voice. It wasn't an issue, it's just funny when they try to sing in different voices. She adores the Frozen soundtrack and to get to sing it with Sky makes it super magical. "Ooh, please, if you can find reindeer onesies! And if they have tails, it'll be extra adorable!" You could never have too many onesies. They're the perfect comfort clothing for when it gets cold. "Ready for me to hit play?"

Sky

Oh good. Sky loved singing Anna's part in that song. She also loved singing all of Olaf's songs, and she loved the way Jess voiced him. God, they were such children. Which was odd considering Sky's job. She was a businesswoman, in a way, and so was Jess. Escorting and wedding planning were two completely different businesses sure, but they had the same mindset. Customer services, profit, and having a great brand. When they were together like this, they could throw all of that out the window and let loose for a night. "It'll be a surprise, love!" She told her, nudging her shoulder a little bit. "Play, yes!" He demanded, petting her doggo behind the ear as the movie started. "I love this opening song too. Idina is a goddess."

Jess

"I'm just throwing out ideas." she teased, hitting play when the other confirms she's ready. The opening scenes begin to play and she pets Hatchi's head, the Pomeranian's ears flat and loving the attention. "Right?!" she agreed ecstatically, having always admired Idina's voice. The music was so soothing she finds herself humming along, knows it almost by heart. She's watched Frozen too many times to count, knows exactly what will happen as the little Elsa and Anna build an inactive Olaf on screen. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" she asks in a baby voice to their dogs, bumping her nose to Hatchi's snout as he's the closest, and laughing as the dog licks her. "Hatchi agrees.. but then he goes and barks at my Olaf stuffy. Talk about rude."

Sky

Sky has always admired Idina. She was one of her favorite broadway stars and really looked up to her. She watched Rent all the time as a kid and aspired to be her and Tracie Thomas. She looked over at Jess when she sang to her dog and chuckled. Hatchi was way smaller than her pitbull, yet they were still the best of friends. It was so fucking cute how Jess and Sky were best friends, just like their dogs. "Hatchi...." Sky began. "What did Olaf ever do to you?" She joked, getting the tiny dog a little scratch behind the ears. Sky took a sip of her wine and started eating some of the chocolates as she turned her focus to the movie. "How many times do you think we've watched this movie together?" She asked. Of course, they would most likely end up spending the entire movie talking.

Jess

Most of the time Jess let Sky sing Idina's parts as she knows how much her friend looks up to her. Plus, Sky had a fucking phenomenal voice. It was like watching a beam of light descend down with an angel. "Honestly, I think he's just a bit jealous." the woman interjects with a giggle, fondly watching the way Hatchi leans into Sky's scratches. It was no secret he loved to be pampered, which he got a lot for being an older dog. He's her baby. He hops off Jess' lap (probably to go bug the pit bull) and she's able to stretch her legs out a little. She stretched as she ponders the question, a good question. "You know, I don't think I could give you a solid number.. but it has to be up in the hundreds by now." They take turns all of the time deciding on who gets to decide what they watch out of their selection for the night, and if it wasn't a rom com or scary movie night, Jess nearly always chose Frozen. It was the perfect mixture of wholesome and fun! Plus, who didn't love a talking miniature snowman? Maybe Hatchi, but that's beside the point. She takes a chocolate from the box to eat as well, chewing and swallowing half before she speaks again. "I think we could totally pull off being them for Halloween. Wait, have we yet?"

Sky

Sky moved closer to Jess and the tiny dog took up way too much space next to her to go sit next to the larger dog. "I don't think we have. I'd make an amazing Black Elsa." She told her. How she would love to be Elsa on Broadway one day. Sky's mind kinda of wondered off a bit as the beginning scene started. Normally she's start singing along, even dance a little but she was so preoccupied about this whole Sam thing, and she needed her best friend's opinion. She grabbed the remote and turned down the volume a little bit. She turned to her best friend and took a deep breath. "So I kissed Sam." She stated bluntly. Jess knew all about her relationship with Sam; how they broke up because Sky refused to give up her job. The job that support her lifestyle; made it possible for her to afford her gorgeous studio apartment in North Kingsboro, her designer clothes and her acting career.  "After the event at Throuple the other night. Sam got hurt, and I thought.... for a second I thought he was really really hurt. I realized how much I still loved him." She looked over at her friend with a pleading look.

Jess

As a best friend, Jess could tell something was off with Sky tonight. Has been, the couple hours she has been here. She did notice how the other wasn't as lively, a little short. Jess wanted her to come to her on her own accord, though. When the volume gets lowered she immediately looks over at her friend, prepared for maybe thoughts of insecurity.. but there's no way she expects what comes out of Sky's mouth. She hopes she masks her reaction well, but her lips do part in surprise. She had seen Sky earlier before, but after they had separated and went on with the night the purple drinks made things a little hazy. She hadn't known Sam got hurt. "You kissed Sam?" she asks, to make sure she heard that right. Exes are usually exes for a reason, so when you kiss one.. it opens a lot of closed doors. In Sky and Sam's case, there seemed to be no compromise and neither would've been happy. Her lips pressed into a line as she looks at her friend. "Oh, babe..  Did he react poorly to it?"

Sky

Sky had found Sam in the alleyway when she had left Jess to take a juul break. She had never really texted her best friend that she left, which she apologized for in the morning but neglected to tell her the rest of the story. it was something she wanted to tell the blonde about in person. "Do we know a Cam? Him and Sam got into a fight and a found him there just laying on the ground and...." She took a deep breath as all the fear she had felt in that moment came rushing back to her. "I thought he'd really got hurt and for a split second and I thought he was going to lose him. And that's when I realized I was still in love with him." She confessed, shaking her head. "So I took him back to my flat, and got him cleaned up and the next thing I knew...I was kissing him and he was kissing me back. And - " She said, arms flying in the air and giving a dramatic shrug.  "Then we fell asleep next to each other." She told her, laughing now on how crazy this was.

Jess

"I don't think so." Jess answers, shaking her head at the question. She's never heard of that name before now, and most of their 'individual' friends are mutual friends. She listens, because she knows that's what Sky needs right now. Someone to talk to and release her emotions to. It hurts to see and hear Sky obviously almost reliving it, even after the event was over. "Well, two good things we know — Sam is okay.." that is the important part, she thinks. "and he didn't pull away." She's seen way too many romantic movies, so maybe she's looking far too into things but she is certain that if something it reciprocated there is more to it. They found their way back to each other, after all. She wouldn't be surprised if that boy never stopped loving Sky. "You're in love him, but do you want to be in a relationship with him again?" she asks.

Sky

Sky shook her head. She still didn't know where she knew him from either. That didn't matter anyway because she already hated him for what he did to Sam. Her blood just boiled at the thought of him just leaving Sam on the ground like that; bruised and mangled. Fuck. She got lost in that thought, but her mind snapped back to reality when Jess spoke. The escort nodded. "Right. Yes. He's okay." No thanks to Cam. "yeah..." She said with another heavy sigh. She looked down at her hands and swallowed hard. her next question required a lot of thinking. Did she want to date him again? There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him. But... "We broke up for a reason." She told the blonde. "i don't know if we'll be able to get past that. But Jess..." She sighed dramatically as her head rolled back on her shoulders, thinking pensively. She let out one last heavy breath before turning back to her best friend. "The thought of being with him again makes me so happy." She admitted.

Jess

The woman watched her friend as she went through the thought process. It was a hard call to make when you are not sure if anything has changed. She reached out to take her hands and give a supportive squeeze. "You did, but that doesn't mean there isn't a chance you could work something out." She gently points out to her. If there is any slim chance of obtaining a form of happiness of having the love of her life and the lifestyle she desired, she wanted that for Sky. "You can't fight off love."

Sky

Sky looked at her friend gratefully when she gave her hand a squeeze because honestly just that small gesture meant so much. Jess was such a good listener, supportive friends, and actually gave out great advice. Sky would be stupid not to take the advice Jess gave her. "You're right." She nodded. "And I do really, really love him." She admitted to her, finally smiling. Honestly, Sam made her smile like that all the time. Just thinking about him sent butterflies to his stomach. "Thank you." She told her, then attempted to turn her attention back to the movie. Love Is an Open Door was just about to start. She nudged the wedding planner playfully on the shoulder. "You be Hans!" She joked.

Jess

Jess's eyes soften in response to Sky's confession and gosh, she is so grateful for Sam coming into Sky's life when he did. To get her to smile just like that? She has seen many smiles on Sky's face, but this one definitely was the brightest. Almost as bright as the one she gets while performing. It goes without saying, that if Sam ever hurt Sky she would make it her mission to stomp him into the earth. Right after consoling her friend. But she trusts him to not do that. She smiles back, briefly leaning closer to give her friend a small hug.  A reminder that she's got her. That's the way it's been since they met and she hopes it stays that way for the rest of their lives. "I love you, I'll always be here." Returning to their movie, she giggled as Sky nudges her and clears her throat to prepare herself. "Is this low enough?" she asks, making an attempt of a lower tone to make herself sound 'manly' but ends up giggling over herself.  The song starts to play and of course, Sky is flawless with her parts as Anna. "I was thinking the same thing! 'Cause like, I've been searching my whole life to find my own place, and maybe it's the party talking.." she rubs her shoulder up against her friend's and makes her chest shimmy with an overexaggerated eyebrow waggle. All aimed to make her friend laugh. "or the chocolate fondue.."

[myhockeyworld87]

Nervous Regrets - Tyler Seguin - Part 8

Word Count: 4726

POV: Reader

Warning: Cursing

Notes: Not really any this time. Hope you guys enjoy!

Euphoric, it was a funny word, while its meaning meant happiness or elation; it was often used to describe the effects of drugs one may consume. Obviously, that wasn’t your case at the moment, but euphoric was definitely how you felt after the last few hours with Tyler. While you weren’t one to agree with the use of recreational drugs, you could see their allure; for if this was the high one got when they took ecstasy or the likes, you’d be a junkie, hooked on one Mister Tyler Seguin.

 That giddy, light headed, endlessly happy feeling inside you at the moment was something you didn’t want to let go of; after the last few months of despair and darkness, it finally felt good to love again. It was amazing how a few days could change your whole world. You had crawled into a black hole after the whole cheating scandal; now that you were out, it felt good to be human again. You were soaring above the clouds, floating on them really; and nothing could bring you down.

Making your way through Dallas traffic, you recalled the last few hours; and how you went from sheer panic to pure elation. Seeing your baby, while the man you loved held your hand; was surreal. It was something, only a short week ago, you never saw happening; yet there you were, both of you sobbing as the life you’d created, popped up on the screen. Unconsciously your hand went to your stomach to cradle your baby.

Trusting Tyler was still an internal issue that you were struggling with; but your unquestioning nature seemed to be winning that battle at the moment. Whenever doubts would creep in, he would seem to find some way to breakdown that wall; letting you know he was all in. The baby would forever link the two of you, but if you could find a way to put your trust issues with Tyler aside and become a family; that would be a dream come true.

In order to do that though, you needed to start taking better care of yourself. So, heading home you decided to treat yourself by going through the drive thru of your favorite fast food restaurant. You’d been craving a salad topped with grilled chicken, not having access to a grill was definitely a problem; that you ordered a side of fries with it, probably wasn’t the best option. Walking into the sparse apartment, you slid your heels off, making yourself comfortable. Quickly you ate your dinner, then changed into an old V-neck t-shirt and yoga pants; wanting to get a small workout in before the Stars came on. Throwing your hair in a messy bun, you tossed the Pilates mat in front of the television, putting on a quick thirty-minute session.

About twenty minutes in to it, you realized you should’ve waited until your meal settled before you began; as your stomach started to rebel against you. Grabbing a ginger ale from the fridge and some soda crackers; you switched the television to the pre-game action. Tyler’s lack of performance in the first few games was a topic of conversation the sports announcers seemed to pay close attention to; it did nothing for bouts of nausea you were currently experiencing. You were hot, sweaty and your breasts felt like they were five times their normal size, in their restrictive bra; and in the moment you felt if you didn’t remove it, you’d either hurl all over the living room floor or self-combust. Why a female would ever invent a contraption so constricting was completely beyond your imagination, in that moment. Feeling like you could breathe again, and not actually expel the contents of your stomach on the floor; you made yourself more comfortable on the couch as the game got underway.

Tyler scored with minutes left in the first period putting the Stars on the board; hopefully that would silence the announcers about his previous point percentage. In the second he added an assist on Jamie’s goal; which had the Stars leading the game two to one. You couldn’t wait to see what the third period would bring, as it got underway. Unfortunately, the doorbell rang with only three minutes into the period. Getting up out of your warm cozy spot, your brain trying to work out who could be at your door at this hour; your friends usually called before they came over at this time of night. Peeking through the peep-hole you saw Robert, standing in front of your apartment. While this wasn’t an appropriate hour of the night, you needed to break things off with him; and so, you opened the door. “Robert, what are you doing here? It’s a little late.”

You hoped that didn’t sound too dismissing. “Hey pretty lady.” Starting to kiss you on the lips, but you quickly turned so that he would be kissing your cheek instead. “I haven’t heard from you in the last few days and I’d thought I’d check on you.”

Well that was sweet of him and here you are trying to break things off. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Work has been crazy, among other things. I did get your flowers, that was very sweet of you to send them.”

“Yeah you kind of had me wondering, since you didn’t really acknowledge them.”

Maybe because you’d also received ten other more extravagant arrangements that day. Mentally shaking yourself, now was not the time to be comparing whose bouquet was bigger. “They’re lovely. Can I get you something to drink, water, soda, wine?”

“A glass of wine would be great.” Throwing his jacket in the chair, he plopped down on the couch; grabbing the remote and turning the television off, just as Tyler was making his way to the net with the puck. Giving him the side eye, the one your grandmother used to give when one of you had said something distasteful; you poured the wine, less than what you’d normally give. “You’re not drinking?” This asked as you handed him the glass of wine.

“Umm..no, I have work tomorrow,” it wasn’t a lie, you did have work; but you also weren’t divulging the truth to him.

“You should blow it off. I’ll grab my dad’s jet and we can head to the beach for a couple days.” He was so nonchalant about it, like it was something he did every day; and that your job meant nothing. Robert was the quintessential rich playboy; daddy’s money had gotten him everything up to this point and he saw no reason not continue on this way. You couldn’t be certain he’d ever worked a full day of his life; so how could he understand that you not only needed your job, you enjoyed it. It was something Tyler never questioned.

Taking a seat at the opposite end of the sofa, you tried to explain, “I just can’t up and leave work like that Robert. I have responsibilities there; deadlines that need to be met.” Granted your job did afford you the flexibility to work from wherever; and they were fairly willing to let you have time off when you wanted; but this was not something he needed to know.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, he acknowledged you with a simple, “fine.” With glaring eyes, he surveyed your apartment. “Babe, why haven’t you looked for some place better to live. You know you could move into my complex, that way we’d be closer. Plus, it’s definitely more luxurious than this.”

What had you seen in this man, when he first asked you out? He was condescending and arrogant; that he’d masked these attributes in your first couple of dates was amazing. Or maybe they were just there all along and you were too blind in your misery to see it. “I actually looked at a place yesterday.” Omitting the part that it was with your baby daddy.

You went to continue, however he cut you off, “good, I hope it’s better than this place.” Mentally you rolled your eyes at his pretentiousness. “Babe, why are you sitting so far away?” He scooted closer to you, placing his hand on your thigh; while his eyes focused on your breasts. That’s when you remembered you weren’t wearing a bra; immediately feeling naked and exposed to this man.

Scrambling off the couch, you needed this interaction to come to a close. Even his use of the word babe felt wrong falling off his lips; not like when Tyler would lovingly call you it. Crossing your arms, trying to cover yourself; you began the conversation you’d been dreading since he walked through your door. “Look Robert, you’re a really nice guy. It’s just well….it’s not you, it’s me really.” God you’d been the recipient of that line so many times in your dating history; each time you’d known it had been a lie. It was a half-truth in this instance, feeling the need to be somewhat honest; you continued. “The truth is. I’m trying to work things out with Tyler and I just don’t think it would be fair to either of you; if we continued this.” Motioning with your hand between the two of you.

“Wait…You’re getting back together with the bastard that had the back-alley blow job scandal.” You winced, it sounded pathetic coming out of his mouth; that you would want to get back with someone who had treated you so callously.

“It’s complicated.” Truly it was; but you didn’t feel the need to explain any further.

Setting his half-drunk wine down on the coffee table, he stood. “You’re gonna pick that fucking man whore over someone like me? I thought you were smarter than that.” His eyes roamed up and down your body, a disgusted look crossing his face.

Flinching, you stepped back realizing you didn’t know this man at all. “I’m sorry Robert, I just need to follow my heart; and my heart just really belongs with Tyler.”

He seemed to collect himself then; striding to the door as he said, “Good luck, you’re going to need it.” With that he left; you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding in, breathing a sigh of relief that the encounter was finally over. That was until you looked over to the living room and spotted his tailor-made suit coat lying on your chair. Grabbing it and your keys you headed out to return the garment to him. He was in the parking lot, getting ready to step into his vehicle.

“Robert, you forgot this.” Yelling, hoping to impede him from leaving. He stopped closing the car door as you drew closer. Handing him the jacket, you apologized once more. “I really am sorry.”

Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply; when they reopened, gone was the Robert that was cold and arrogant, replaced by the caring man you’d thought you’d been seeing. “I’m sorry to (Y/N). I shouldn’t have said those things inside. I just really thought we had something special.”

Hurt was etched across his face; in that moment you felt guilty for not telling him the entire truth about your reunion with Tyler. “I hope we can still be friends.” You weren’t exactly sure that was even possible or even if you wanted friendship with this man; it just felt like the right thing to say.

“Sure, no hard feelings.” He reached out then to hug you; a goodbye gesture you saw no reason not to return. He held you a little too close and a little too long for your comfort, but you let him have this final embrace. Finally, he pulled back, and before you knew it; his mouth was on yours greedy and hungry; forcing yours open as he held you tight in his arms. Panic set in, it was late and no one was around; you pushed at the wall of his chest hoping to loosen his grip. When it tightened you did the only thing that popped into your mind. Bracing your hands on his shoulders for leverage, you brought your knee up connecting it as hard as you could with his groin; the direct hit had him doubling over in pain. You twisted out of his arms and made your way back into the apartment, as he yelled, “you bitch!”

Not looking back you headed straight for your apartment and locked the door; glancing out the window, seeing his car peel out of the parking lot. Your heart was racing and you couldn’t seem to catch your breath; tonight, had definitely not gone as planned. All you wanted right now was Tyler’s arms wrapped around you; but it wouldn’t pay to tell him what had transpired. Knowing Tyler, he’d be out the door ready to beat Robert to a bloody pulp. So instead you grabbed a blanket and encased yourself in its fluffy warmth; taking deep breaths as you calmed your nerves.

Grabbing your phone, you pulled up the highlights of the game to distract you. As you suspected Tyler had scored again in the third period, leading the Stars to victory over the Avs. Checking the time, you felt he should be home by now; you sent him a quick text.

Great game tonight! I’m so proud of you!

Part of you wished he would text you back, asking to come over; you’d gladly take him up on it. When you were together road trips were always hard; but now that you’d finally started taking steps towards reconciling these next five days were going to be hell without him. The phone beeped drawing your attention.

Thanks

That was it, nothing more; it was not what you expected. Staring at the screen, you waited for more to appear; when it didn’t you hauled yourself up and headed to bed. Maybe he was tired, it’s been an emotional day; first seeing the baby and then playing such a great game. Tyler probably went home and dropped onto the bed exhausted. He’d done that from time to time, after a particular trying game; you’d always removed his shoes and tie then, taking a blanket and covering him up. He’d eventually wake up in the middle of the night, strip naked and climb into bed with you; waking you up with feverish kisses. The two of you would make love until you both fell back asleep. Your body ached with need for that at the moment. The PA was right; your hormonal urges were becoming stronger, though it could just be thoughts of being with Tyler again.

The baby fluttered then, reminding you that your love had created this little life forming inside you. Closing your eyes, you let your mind take you to a time, not too far in the future; where you and Tyler were lying in bed, the baby on Tyler’s chest as they both slept. Smiling you drifted off to sleep with that picture in your mind.

Waking up, you put the drama of last night with Robert behind you and started your day. Work was busy, so you hadn’t really noticed that Tyler hadn’t text you that he’d landed in St. Louis, until it was well after four. He had mentioned they were leaving after morning skate, which would likely put them there around two or three in the afternoon. Pushing any uneasy thoughts to the side, that something was wrong, you finished out the day; shooting him a quick text and vowing to call him if you didn’t hear from him shortly.

When eight o’clock rolled around and you still heard nothing from him, you started to panic. Picking up the phone, you dialed his number; pacing as the phone rang. Your heart jumped into your throat when his voicemail picked up. Something was wrong, maybe there was an accident, or he could’ve been hurt in practice and be lying in the hospital. Your mind was swirling with dread. Vaguely you thought about calling Jamie; had even pulled up his contact info when the phone rang, Tyler’s face popping up on the screen.

“Oh thank god, I was so worried. Are you ok?” it all came out in a rush; like it was all one word and not sentences formed together.

“Yeah I’m fine.” There was despondence in his voice; he didn’t say anything more.

“Tyler, what’s wrong? Why didn’t you text me when you got in?” Sheer panic had taken over when he hadn’t answered; now you were questioning whether or not there was something else going on here. Doubts started creeping in; was he with someone, some woman? When he didn’t answer right away you voiced your concerns. “Are you…is someone with you?”

“What? Fuck, no I’m not with anyone.” Anger tainted his voice, but really what could he expect; it was the only logical conclusion you could draw, since he was acting so strange. Softly, he added, “I’m not the one fooling around this time.”

“What the hell does that mean? That I am?” He was making no sense at all. You thought your relationship with Tyler was finally heading in the right direction; that he would suggest otherwise had you baffled.

“Really? You’re going to just pretend like you weren’t kissing some guy last night.” Realization dawned on you, somehow Tyler must have seen what happened with Robert last night; but he had it all wrong. You started to speak but Tyler cut you off, “Seriously (Y/N), how can you go from everything that we shared yesterday, to making out with some other guy. I mean explain it to me, because I don’t get it.” He took a breath and you thought you had your opportunity, until he continued. “For fuck sake you told me you loved me yesterday. Did that mean nothing to you? Does our child mean nothing to you or our family?”

That was it, you’d had enough; Tyler had crossed the line with that last comment. “Would you shut up for a fucking minute and let me explain.” Blood boiling, you needed to calm yourself. “First off, the baby means everything to me, and I mean everything; don’t ever fucking question me about that again. Do you hear me?”

A small weak, “yeah,” was all you received.

“Secondly, I do love you and I meant every word I said to you yesterday. God Tyler, I never stopped loving you, not even after everything that happened. All I wanted last night was for you to finish the game and come and hold me in your arms; I just didn’t know how to ask you that.” Blowing out a breath you continued on, “Lastly, I don’t know what you saw, but I was not and I mean not at all kissing Robert.”

“Funny, it sure looked like you had your tongue down his throat.”

“Jesus Tyler, I was not kissing him.” He started to refute your claim again, but you were not having it. “What you saw was him forcing his tongue down my throat. He wouldn’t let me go, I had to kick him in the balls to get away.”

“What did you say? He forced you?” This wasn’t how you wanted to say any of this to Tyler; point of fact you didn’t want to tell him any of it. You knew Tyler would lose his cool, if he found out about Robert’s actions; which is why you had decided to keep this to yourself. That was until he’d misread the entire situation. “Talk to me (Y/N) or I swear to god I’ll be on the next flight home.”

He was overreacting, thinking the worst had happened. “Nothing else happened, I ran into the apartment and locked the door. He left shortly after that.”

His silence spoke volumes, you knew he was seething inside; wanting to hit something, mainly a man named Robert. You could almost see him pacing back and forth in the hotel room; hands threading through his hair, as he tried to calm himself down. “Why was he there in the first place?”

It wasn’t the question you’d expected him to ask, but he deserved the truth. “He stopped over; I didn’t invite him, I swear. He showed up because he hadn’t heard from me since Saturday, when I’d left him at the charity event to meet you. He said he just wanted to check on me. I thought he was a decent guy and I owed him the truth; that you and I were back together. I hadn’t expected him to get so angry about it, but he did. He forgot his jacket, so I ran out to give it to him. He seemed to have calmed down, so when he went to hug me goodbye, I didn’t think much of it.” You paused not really wanting to say the rest; hoping Tyler would say something so you wouldn’t have to. When he didn’t, you had no other choice, “He wouldn’t let me go and then he just forced his mouth on mine. I tried to push him away but he just held me tighter. That’s when I kicked him in the nuts. It was the only thing I could think of to do, but he let me go and I just ran back to the apartment. But I’m fine, he’s gone and I don’t have to see him again.”

“It’s not fucking fine (Y/N), he tried to force himself on you. I wanna fucking kill him. Like just rip his damn throat out. God what if you hadn’t been able to get away from him?” He paused as if he was visualizing the whole thing. “I think I might be sick.”

“Ty, babe, listen to me. I’m fine. Just breathe.”

“I should’ve stopped. I just saw the two of you together and I thought the worse. I should’ve known you’d never do that to me. I’m so sorry baby. God why didn’t I fucking stop and check on you.”

“Ty, don’t beat yourself up. I can see it from your side. I would’ve thought the same thing.” In all actuality you probably would’ve thought much worse, given the past.

“I don’t think you should stay there tonight. What if he comes back? Just go to the house and stay there, the security system is top notch and the dogs are there, they may not be fierce but they would frighten anyone away.”

His protective nature was kicking into high gear. “Ty, I’m fine. The door is locked here. No one can get in.”

“You don’t know that. What if he bust down the door or something?”

“I’m sure one of the neighbors would hear, if that happened.” He was being unrealistic now, running through scenarios that weren’t going to happen.

“You don’t know that. Maybe I should come home. I’ll go talk to Monty and catch the next flight.”

“Tyler, you can’t just leave; you have a game, the team is depending on you. Besides, I think I might take off Friday and head to my parents’ house for the weekend. If I leave after work tomorrow, I’ll be there before your game starts.”

“Well I still don’t like you staying there alone tonight. Can’t you call Jan or someone, and see if they’ll stay with you?”

“Tyler, I’m fine; I promise. Besides it’s like almost ten o’clock. I’ll be going to bed here shortly.” The last hour or so on the phone with Tyler had you mentally exhausted and needing some rest. Besides you needed to pack, especially if you were going to head to your parents’ place in College Station. Seeing an opportunity there, you decided to change the subject. “So, I thought I’d go down and tell my parents about us and the baby.”

“You sure you want to do that alone? I mean, when I come home, I’ll go with you.”

It was sweet of him to offer but you kind of had a feeling you needed to do this alone. “Thanks for offering but I think I need to do this on my own. I don’t know how they’re going to take everything and I think it would be better just coming from me.” Knowing your parents, they were probably going to try and talk you out of getting back together with Tyler; they were not happy at all, when the scandal hit. They would definitely need time to adjust to everything, before Tyler started coming around again. “Have you told your family yet?”

“I almost said something to Candace on the phone the other day; but then I thought better of it. My mom will be furious if she’s not the first to know. I’m just not sure if I want to tell her on the phone or in person, you know?”

You knew exactly what he meant; which is why you were driving almost three hours. “Well maybe you should fly them in or something.”

“Yeah I thought about that; but then it really cuts into my time with you.”

Chuckling slightly, you’d always gotten along really well with Tyler’s family. Then like a ton of bricks falling, it hit you, what if they resented you for leaving Tyler; they could carry some animosity towards you, as yours did against Tyler. While the scandal wasn’t your fault, part of the aftermath was. He had just as hard of a time with the breakup as you. “Well we could all do dinner or something while they’re here. That way we could still have time together.”

“Yeah of course. Though honestly, they’ll probably want you around more than me. They all laid into me, when we broke up. Once they find out about the baby, they probably won’t leave your side. I know my mom will want to rush out and buy a ton of baby stuff.” Smiling to yourself, you hoped your family would handle the news the same.

“Well she can buy whatever she wants. I haven’t bought a thing yet. So it would be fun to go shopping with her.” You’d been so afraid of where things would go, that you couldn’t purchase one baby item, for fear there wouldn’t be a happy ending with Tyler. Now, just talking about it, had you bubbling with excitement.

“Don’t tell her that.” He laughed then, and you could tell he’d let some of the tension from earlier go. “I’ll give her a call tomorrow and see what I can work out. I’d really like to have you there when I tell her the news.”

“Yeah we can do that.” Yawning into the phone, “I really need to get some sleep, can we talk some more tomorrow? I mean if you answer your phone.”

“Sorry babe, I was pretty pissed off. I promise I’ll answer.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, for putting you through that. I’m glad we talked things through though. I think as long as we continue to communicate things will be good.”

“Oh, we’re not through with this conversation by a long shot. I don’t like the idea of you staying there, with that jackass being able to show up at any time. But since you’re heading to your parents, I’ll drop it till I get home on Sunday. What time do you plan on being back in Dallas?”

Hopefully within the next four days he’d have a memory lapse and forget the whole thing. “I was planning on leaving after lunch. So probably around four or so.”

Disappointment laced his voice, “Oh, ok. We should land before noon or so; that is if we don’t end up flying out Saturday after the game. It’s still up in the air. Why don’t you stop at the house before you head home and I’ll go over with you? That way I can make sure everything’s fine.”

“Yeah…maybe. We can talk about it later.”

“Alright, but I’m not going to change my mind on this one.”

Sighing, Tyler could be stubborn at times; you knew he wouldn’t relent on this issue. “Ok well I’m going to head to bed. Get some sleep, bossy.”

“You too, sassypants. I love you. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“I love you too, Ty.” With that you hung up the phone; glad to have things back on track with Tyler; but dreading the next seventy-two or more hours without him.

[justanotherboyinblue]

Unusual Asks

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!! 

is your room messy or clean? ...depends if i don’t have company, or i haven’t been made to clean it, it’s relatively messy. well. it’s not messy to me, because i know where everything is and why things are...not...put away, but messy to Literally Everyone Else

what color are your eyes? brown!

do you like your name? why? i Love my name mostly because i chose it and i like how it sounds I Just Think It’s Neat

what is your relationship status? taken! i have two beautiful partners that i love very very much

describe your personality in 3 words or less Chaotic Disaster Gay

what color hair do you have? also brown dkjbsgalk

what kind of car do you drive? color? i don’t drive! don’t have my license yet

where do you shop? anywhere and everywhere alksjdb meijer? ig?

how would you describe your style? Grunge

favorite social media account discord! ‘s how i talk to my babies :3

what size bed do you have? a twin! v comfy, v bouncy

any siblings? unfortunately two brothers both are Assholes

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? switzerland honestly first of all, lgbtq+ has been legal there since 1942 like look at them Go oh my gosh also! i love german, it’s such a fascinating language but the biggest reason? that’s where moje rojena wants to live

favorite snapchat filter? i don’t have snapchat, and don’t really plan to kjasbdl

favorite makeup brand(s) don’t wear it! the only thing i use is chapstick lmao a wonderful vanilla chapstick by Eos

how many times a week do you shower? sometimes every night, but mostly every other night! so three or four

favorite tv show? oh gosh there are so many she-ra is probably at the top i love supernatural, and elementary, bbc sherlock, person of interest, steven universe there are a bunch of amazing shows i love!

shoe size? i think i wear like a ten and a half quadruple e do with that as you will

how tall are you? 5′4 i think probably

sandals or sneakers? flip flops!! or barefoot kadjbsgl

do you go to the gym? i don’t think i’ve ever even seen the inside of a gym

describe your dream date cuddle pile some show or movie on tv So Many Blankets but the most important thing the Most Important thing is that my babies are with me and that’s all i really need

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? i don’t have any cash, but i have like a little over $50 on my card

what color socks are you wearing? white with gray designs

how many pillows do you sleep with? normally three, but i’ll bring in another three if i want to build a Nest:tm:

do you have a job? what do you do? no job! i think my first job will be working at my local library

how many friends do you have? uhhhhhhh no idea a dozen? idk maybe half a dozen i really have no idea, and i have a horrible memory

what's the worst thing you have ever done? I Will Not Divulge Such Information

what's your favorite candle scent? there’s this one candle we have that’s tide+kelp scented but it just smells like a speedstick it’s awesome

3 favorite boy names Leo (obviously) Tobias Axel

3 favorite girl names L(again, obviously) Celeste i’ve always loved the name Andromeda as well! 

favorite actor? Ezra Miller!! they’re a nonbinary icon, first of all, and they’re an amazing actor in my opinion! they’re Credence in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Barry in Justice Leauge

favorite actress? hmmmmmmmmmm probably Margot Robbie tbh love her stuff also? have you seen the trailer for Birds of Prey? we Stan

who is your celebrity crush? don’t have one kjdsablg

favorite movie? oh gosh I Cannot Choose A Favorite Anything Okay i love Avatar(the one with the blue aliens not the Disgrace Of A Movie), and The Dark Knight, Captain Marvel, Abominable, and so many others

do you read a lot? what's your favorite book? i do! i used to read almost a full book every day Finding Me by Katheryn Cushman is really good, and so is Five Feet Apart, i love the Divergent series too!

money or brains? brains duh, if you’re smart you can make more money but if you’re an idiot with money what happens when you run out

do you have a nickname? what is it? not really kjabdsga my partners have their nicknames for me of course, but with my actual name you can’t have a lot of nicknames Leo calls me Q, i’ve been called Stefano and Viktor, one friend used Quimberly for a while akjfgbslkdfg

how many times have you been to the hospital? other than when i was born, i think only the once!

top 10 favorite songs Here We Go sweet tooth-Scott Helman adderall- Max Frost bambi- Hippo Campus roxxane- Arizona Zervas grixtronics- GRiZ iSpy- KYLE truth hurts- kidz bop (fuck off it slaps) walk man- TMG mr.clean- Yung Gravy peach scone- Hobo Johnson

do you take any medications daily? nope! 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) definitely oily

what is your biggest fear? Ya Boi Out Here With Abandonment Issues

how many kids do you want? i’ll stick with my fur babies thank you very much

what's your go-to hairstyle? in my face covering my right eye so i can’t see with it because it annoys my mother and i think i look Hot

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) medium i would think? we don’t have a second floor or a finished basement, but i’ve never had to bunk with either of my brothers so

who is your role model? no one specific! just, kind people, yk? 

what was the last compliment you received? i think it was on...monday? when Leo kept telling me i was adorable XD

what was the last text you sent? to a gc with my partners saying i was going mia because I Have The Right To Not Interact With Anyone For Several Days And Watch Movies  no i will not be taking criticism

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? like somewhere from seven to nine i think i have no idea dude, i have the memory of a goldfish

what is your dream car? .... 1967 black chevy impala

opinion on smoking? bad for you, love the smell, not gonna tell you to stop, will just worry quietly in the corner because i won’t tell you what to do with your life

do you go to college? nope! still in high school, i probably won’t go to college tbh

what is your dream job? owning my own bookstore! with a cafe a cat cafe i have it planned out to a concerning degree

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? i’ve lived in one place my entire life and it’s on the side of the highway with no neighbors so Suburbs Be Like Scary

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? oh absolutely

do you have freckles? no and i’m salty about it

do you smile for pictures? of course! never with my teeth tho because my canines are halfway up my face :)

how many pictures do you have on your phone? don’t have a phone! i have a Whole Bunch on my computer though

have you ever peed in the woods? did not work out tried once Never Again

do you still watch cartoons? of course i do i’m gay it’s legally required

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonald's? i’ve never had McDonald's nuggets but Wendy’s has the best for sure

Favorite dipping sauce? ranch or campfire sauce

what do you wear to bed? pajamas???? in winter it’s long sleeve tees with fuzzy pants in summer it’s basketball shorts and whatever twenty-year-old shirt i can find in my closet

have you ever won a spelling bee? i’ve never entered one so no homeschool for the win

what are your hobbies? Anything On A Screen and books mostly books on a screen but i’ll occasionally pick up a paperback also food and swimming

can you draw? s o m e t i m e s

do you play an instrument? i played guitar for a while, but i broke one of the strings and don’t have the tools to replace it i really want a ukelele

what was the last concert you saw? i went to a college campus for four days with my youth group, and a band named Sing Love played every night

tea or coffee? Neither

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Also Neither i’ve been to starbucks one time and it was the most disappointing drink i’ve ever had i am a loyal biggby customer  even though i haven’t been there in over a year

do you want to get married? not in the traditional sense i couldn’t even if i wanted to because the us said No Polyam Rights

what is your crush’s first and last initial? L.R. + L.G.

are you going to change your last name when you get married? probably! or we’ll both take a new one together

what color looks best on you? warm colors!! i do look Fabulous in a nice cool forest green though

do you miss anyone right now? Of Course I Do I’m In A Long Distance Relationship With Two People

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed if it was open my asshole cat would eat all my hair ties and my fairy lights

do you believe in ghosts? nope! 

what is your biggest pet peeve? uh people who assume? ig?

last person you called? Leo XD

favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip!!

regular oreos or golden oreos? The Golden Ones  they taste like lemon even if they’re not the lemon ones i love it

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? i don’t like sprinkles because i’m a Monster

what shirt are you wearing? i’m Not It’s Hoodie Season

what is your phone background? my tablet backgrounds are Leo and L because i’m a Sap

are you outgoing or shy? Both i’m getting a lot better in the confidence department, but i still get nervous and overwhelmed sometimes!

do you like it when people play with your hair? I Cry Every Time and so does Leo it’s adorable

do you like your neighbors? if i did i would hate them because i Can

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? not outside of the shower

have you ever been high? nope

have you ever been drunk? nope

last thing you ate? leftover itallian mac n cheese

favorite lyrics right now ..... ................. raindrops on rose and whiskers on kittens~ sTICKING-

summer or winter? winter!!

day or night? night, of course

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk! or dark with sea salt

favorite month? hm maybe august because it’s just starting to get cold, but you can also still swim on the warm days

what is your zodiac sign pisces! as i’m sure is obvious

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mother Because Leaving Me Alone For Five Minutes Is Impossible

thank you Luxet for the questions!

[therandomfics]

All’s Well - 9

The pen in your hand had left several dots on the paper that sat on your desk, signaling that you had begun to write multiple times but had yet to find the courage to put your thoughts on paper. How were you supposed to write a letter to your husband and tell him what you didn’t like about him? It seemed counter-intuitive to you. Wouldn’t it just make things worse? Sonny’s words replayed in your head and reminded you that he wished you would be more open and you’d stop keeping so many things to yourself. Now would be a good time to start obeying his wishes, right?

Your session was scheduled for that evening after work and it took you until midway through your day to actually find the courage to write and complete your letter to Sonny. You only wondered what his letter would say to you. Your therapist, Jacob, probably wouldn’t even divulge the details, let alone let you read the letter itself. All in all, it felt pointless.

The last time you saw Sonny was when you had your moment of weakness in the elevator. Since that time you had ignored several phone calls and text messages from him all in the name of standing your ground. You were beginning to wonder what exactly standing your ground was going to do for you in the long run, but with such a short-term game plan in your head, you decided not to think about it.

Sonny arrived a few minutes after you and sat next to you in the lobby, an envelope in his hands with your name on it. Your letter to him was tucked safely in your purse, away from prying eyes to avoid any questions. He said nothing to you while you waited for Jacob to take you to the back into his office, allowing an uncomfortable silence to fill the room.

The door flew open and Jacob smiled, beckoning you to his office. You stood and followed behind Sonny, fighting the urge to reach out and stop him and tell him this was all a very bad idea. Couldn’t you two just start over from scratch? Date again, then get married again without ever really getting divorced? You retired the idea as you sat down next to your husband on the couch and pulled your letter from your purse.

“I see you both did your homework. Wonderful. Switch letters,” Jacob instructed.

Immediately? It was too soon. You hesitated but handed your envelope to Sonny and took his in return.

“Have you two spoken since last week’s session?”

You both shook your head ‘no’ and you felt yourself frowning.

“Why not?”

Sonny piped up immediately, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Your letter to him was tucked away in his jacket now, ruining your plans to take it back and rip it up in front of him. “I’ve called her and I’ve texted her several times in the last week. She’s ignored me. I called her work and she hung up on me last week so I know that’s not a good idea anymore.”

You kept your eyes fixed on the bookshelf behind Jacob, reading over titles that made your head hurt. Who wanted to know that much about people? So much, you thought, that they’d go into a field where you had no choice but to listen to peoples problems all day.

“Any reason why you’d do that, Y/N?” Jacob asked.

When your eyes finally found him again, you shrugged weakly. “Because I couldn’t write a letter if I was always answering his phone calls. How could I get a clear picture in my head to write if he was always in the forefront of my brain?”

Jacob nodded knowingly, a response that was starting to piss you off, and folded his hands in his lap. “So tell me something, Sonny. Last week you stated that Y/N isn’t open with you and you never know when she needs you.”

Sonny nodded in agreement. “Right.”

“Why do you think that is?”

Your husband glanced over at you and then down at the carpeted floor of the office. He inhaled and then exhaled before his shoulders rose and fell in a quick shrug. “Because she doesn’t like rejection and she doesn’t want me to tell her I can’t help her. Because I’m busy at work a lot and I can’t always give her the time she needs. Because she’s independent and strong which sometimes means she’s a pain in the ass because I want to be there for her, but by the time I can be there for her, she’s found a way to get by without me.”

“Sonny that-” you began, but Jacob tutted you and shook his head.

“Let that sink in, Y/N. Now, I have a question for you. You said that you haven’t had a sexual relationship with your husband in months. Why do you think that is?” he asked.

You cleared your throat and tucked your hands under your legs to stop fidgeting. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s having an affair. Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe he isn’t attracted to me. Maybe he’s too busy. Maybe our timing is always off. Maybe he doesn’t think that sex is a part of the relationship that should be focused on. But, I have to say that’s bullshit because he’s Catholic and we should have 4 kids by now.”

Sonny choked back a laugh and glanced over at you, his smile finally coming out to play.

“Can you both see how the lack of communication has caused you both to be at a stalemate?” Jacob inquired. You couldn’t help but to think he looked pretentious in his sweater vest when it was 90 degrees outside.

“Sure. But I don’t want to have sex just because I mentioned it and he feels obligated,” you retorted.

Sonny rolled his eyes. “And I don’t want you telling me your problems just because you feel like you gotta.”

“I don’t gotta do anything, Sonny.”

“You owe me as much, doll. You know you do. I’m always there for you, you just won’t let me really be there. What do you want me to do? Can you tell me that for once?”

“Tell me why you don’t want me anymore,” you demanded, pushing yourself up to the edge of the couch with a huff. “Stop fucking around and be honest with me. Finally. For once.”

Jacob had become a pawn in the background, sitting and waiting for his instructions - but he got none. Instead, you and Sonny had finally taken control of the session.

Sonny stood up and glared at you, disbelief all over his face. “You really think this is about you? Your looks? Your ability to turn me on?”

“Obviously, that’s what I keep saying!”

“Remember when I came home early and I had to take you to the hospital because you were having a miscarriage? The time you tried to act like nothing was happening because you never open up to me and you were willing to die in that bed rather than ask for help?”

You frowned deeply but nodded, of course you remembered. How could you forget?

“Your body couldn’t handle the repercussions - sorry, bad word I know - of being intimate with me and now I’m not sure that we can take that risk. You could have died, you know that? Or do you just not care? I know you’ve got your issues babe but you’re taking this too personally. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I don’t want to lose you, and now in my efforts to keep you alive, I’ve lost you anyway.” Sonny’s voice was a mix of frustration and misery, and when he was done speaking he looked away from you and pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation.

“So this is my fault,” you began slowly, rising to your feet as well. “You’re telling me that you can’t be with me the way a husband and wife should be, all because my body didn’t agree with what was happening? Do you realize how that makes me feel? That wasn’t my fault, Sonny, and it wasn’t yours, either. This shit that’s happening now is absolutely your fault though, and you need to take the responsibility for it and own up to it because I refuse to be the reason that this ship sinks. Figure it out.”

Jacob stood quickly to his feet and made attempts to diffuse the situation but failed miserable. You were already too angry, and the only person who could calm you down was the one person who had made you mad.

“Forget it. I’m done. I don’t care what happens at this point. Sonny, you should find someone you can fuck without fear of them dying three months later,” you spat, grabbing your bag and shoving him out of the way as you left the office. Try as you might, you couldn’t fight back your tears and found yourself sobbing in the bathroom a few moments later. If you stayed there long enough maybe Sonny would leave and you wouldn’t have to see him again.

The receptionist found you thirty minutes later, locked in one of the stalls still sniffling.

“Mrs. Carisi?” she whispered, tapping on the door.

“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a moment,” you said quickly, dabbing at your face with a tissue.

“Mhmm.. Mr. Carisi was instructed by your counselor to take you home. He’s waiting for you in the lobby whenever you’re ready, dear.”

You sighed quietly and stared up at the ceiling, quickly asking why anyone would suggest that after you’d just felt the full on urge to stab your husband half an hour earlier.

As expected, Sonny was waiting for you in the lobby. He said nothing as he held the door open for you and walked you to his car. You matched his enthusiasm by not speaking as well, and spent the 20 minute drive back to the apartment in silence.

“I’m gonna read your letter tonight,” Sonny murmured as you opened your car door and began to get out.

“Okay.”

“Read yours. Call me when you’re done. I mean it.”

“O..okay,” you repeated, before shutting the door and heading into your building. The moment you stepped onto the elevator you pulled the letter from your purse and ripped it open.

To The Woman I’ll Always Love... it began.

[hnrywinchester]

Fare Thee Well - - 18

Summary: She hasn’t seen Gabriel since he died nine years ago, then a phone call changes everything.

Pairing: Gabriel x OFC

Series Warnings: ANGST, smut, swearing, PTSD Gabriel, character deaths, canon compliant

Beta’d by: @aquietuniverse

Words: 6k

Here’s the Ao3 link because I don’t know what tumblr is doing with formatting now... it looks fine when I’m editing and all my page breaks are gone after. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16429499/chapters/38468501

When Gabriel and Liv reached the camp, Jack was still nowhere to be found. Neither was Lucifer. Gabriel’s jaw tightened as he scanned the area for them, his annoyance at Liv’s urging to the young, very impressionable Nephilim resurfacing. How could she have been so stupid? Did she not understand the implications of those two teaming up? He wanted to walk off and say not his circus, not his monkeys, but maybe this was somewhat his issue. She’d made it his issue. “Hey, did you find him?” Sam asked, Dean and Mary following close behind. “Uh, yeah,” Gabriel admitted, his face falling, “then we lost him again.” “Shocker…” Dean grumbled, rolling his eyes. The annoyance now was only growing at Dean’s reaction. He’d always treated Gabriel like a burden, a fuck up, like everything he did was wrong. He wanted to go home, to get away from his family, the Winchesters, this miserable, dying universe. It was wearing on him, every nerve fraying with each passing second. “So, new plan,” Dean barked, causing Gabriel’s nostrils to flare, “We have a few more people we’re bringing across. We’re gonna go get ‘em a little ways down the road at the main camp and then caravan back to the rift somehow.” “How many?” Liv chimed in. “We got about twenty five more.” “Wait.. what?” Gabriel snapped, pulling himself completely from Liv’s grasp, “Oh no. I didn’t sign up for this. It was get mom, get the kid, go home. That was it. Done deal.” “Mom won’t come without everyone else,” Sam confessed, his face falling. “Well that’s her issue then. We offered.” “We aren’t leaving without her,” Dean growled, his face hardening as he looked at the archangel. “I am. Bye.” “Gabe, wait,” Liv sounded, grabbing his bicep before he could take a step. “No! I’m going home. We are going home.” “I’m gonna help.” Always the martyr. Why was she always so incapable of leaving those three idiots to sweep up their own messes was beyond him. Didn’t she want to go home? They’d literally just spent the twenty minute walk back to the group fantasizing about what was to come in just a few short hours, now here she was offering up both of their lives, again. This shouldn’t matter to her, it never should have. “Liv, this isn’t our mess,” he pleaded, pulling gently on her grip, his voice filled with desperation. “We came here to help, and I’m seeing it through,” she committed, heavy with guilt. “You aren’t even supposed to be here.” “Well, I am now. And I’m staying ‘til it’s done. Are you staying with me?” Gabriel pursed his lips as he averted his gaze. She knew exactly how to play her chips, of course he wasn’t going to leave without her and she knew it. Was everything they’d been planning just a ruse? At this point, he wasn’t really sure they’d ever leave this life of hers, no matter how many times she said she wanted to. “Yeah,” he sighed, “don’t have a choice, now do I?” Rougher than he intended, he ripped his arm free of her grip and stalked off. There was another mess of hers needing his attention. Liv watched him as he left, his posture stiff, and she knew he was angry. Rightfully so, she knew she’d forced his hand, but the thought of leaving Castiel and the Winchesters in their hour of need again just wasn’t going to weigh on her conscience well. Neither was Gabriel being upset with her. This was an impossible situation —one she wasn’t going to win. “Cas, hey. Any update on Jack?” Sam asked, Liv’s heart jumping at the sight of her friend. “He’s back, “ Castiel replied, his voice less than thrilled. “Great. Where is he?” “He’s with Lucifer.” Castiel’s face turned desperate while Liv tried to mask the blame threatening to bloom across her features. “Gabriel is… keeping an eye,” Castiel continued, “Liv can I… can I talk to you?” “Sure, Cas,” she replied, nervous. Did he know? Did Gabriel tell him this was all her doing? That she’d encouraged Jack to talk to his father? She couldn’t bear the thought of Castiel being upset with her, especially not with Gabriel already less than thrilled. “I need your help,” he pressed, pulling her away from the group lightly by her arm, “Heaven is dying.” “And what exactly does that have to do with me?” she inquired, face twisting in confusion. “We need Gabriel.” Her heart fell into her stomach. This explained everything. He had to leave again. Just another disaster pulling them apart. “What do you mean you need Gabriel?” she snapped, harsher than she intended. “He’s the only one who can save it. We need an archangel,” Castiel divulged, “We need him to make more angels. There aren’t enough of us to keep heaven powered. Soon it will shut down, and all of its souls will be forced to Earth. Billions of them.” There was no argument outside of her own selfish desires that she could think of. Her gaze fell away from the trench-coated angel, dejected, tears brimming over. This explained everything. Why he was in such a rush to get home, to get time. He had none. Once they returned, it was back to separation and pain. Again, her naivety had won out, thinking they could have the life they so desperately wanted. Neither one of them would ever be free of what they truly were. Soldiers, pawns, pieces of a puzzle much larger than the both of them. “He won’t go,” Castiel blurted out, Liv’s heart skipping a beat as her eyes snapped back to him, “He won’t leave you.” The revelation caused her mouth to hang agape. The world was potentially in the balance, and he’d chosen her. Cas needed her to convince him to go, but what if she didn’t want him to? At what point did she say, fuck the world, I’m done? How much more could the universe possibly take from her? Just when she thought she’d given everything, it came knocking for something else. How were some given the world and others expected to sacrifice every glimmer of hope they’d ever been taunted with? “I won’t do it,” she fumed, not even needing Castiel to make his request, “I won’t convince him. We’ve given enough.” “I know you have,” he sympathized, “I wouldn’t ask, if there were any other way.” “I can’t, Cas. You understand, right? I can’t watch him walk away again. I can’t, I’m sorry.” “Liv… please. It wouldn’t be forever. He’s safe in heaven-“ “I said no.” The pair stood in awkward silence. Castiel knew he’d met another dead end, she wouldn’t budge. Neither would Gabriel. Liv needed to see him. She didn’t care that he was angry with her, even in his irritation he’d settle the war between what was right and wrong raging on in her head. She knew that he was needed, sending him would be what was right, but she needed him just as much. Her self-interest was wrong, but clearly he wanted this as much as she did. He didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want the responsibility. He wanted peace. Without another word, she walked off, hoping she was heading in the right direction. She had not a clue where Gabriel was spying on his brother and nephew, but she’d find him. Being alone with her thoughts was dangerous; things tended to skew and over-exaggerate when her emotions were so unchecked. Gabriel was angry with her, Castiel now too, Sam and Dean had thrown triple the amount of weight on everyone’s shoulders and now the guilt of keeping Gabriel both here in Apocaland and away from a dire task all swirled in her brain, and the basin was overflowing. She’d wandered off without even noticing where she was heading, but a familiar mess of dark blonde hair caught her eye, Gabriel. He didn’t notice her, his attention still focused on the two people twenty feet away, sitting shoulder to shoulder as they chatted. “What’re you doing?” Liv asked despite already knowing the answer, approaching him slowly. “Watching Jack,” he responded flatly, not even turning his attention to her. “Why?” “Making sure Lucifer doesn’t win him over.” “Seriously?” “That is a duo we do not want even considering pairing up. Obviously you don’t understand the severity of the situation.” “Are you still mad about that?” Why she was pressing each of his buttons, she wasn’t sure. It was almost as if she wanted him angry with her, that somehow coping with these added burdens was easier if he wanted nothing to do with her. Which of course was the opposite of the truth and what she wanted. “You have no idea what you could have potentially put into motion,” he scolded, his soft tone poking at the anxiety-induced bear waking in her head. “Well it was true,” she spat, one half of her head chastising the other for allowing the words to come out in that tone. “Not really!” “Yes really! You were the trickster, half the hunters on the damn globe were looking for you. And I was fucking you!” “That’s different.” “How so?” “Because one, I’m not really the trickster. Two, the trickster and Satan, not even on the same level. And three, you’re a human. We can’t team up and level the world with a mere thought.” “We could make a Nephilim who could though.” “Irrelevant. I would never let that happen. My swimmers are locked deep, deep down never to see the light of day. Shooting blanks for eons over here, thank you very much.” She was losing this argument and she knew it. A normal person would have given in, apologized and went on with their day, but not her. She considered for a moment if he’d been anticipating this, it wasn’t his first rodeo with her and her skewed mindset, but he was also in his own mental turmoil. This was just a catalyst waiting to go off. “I believe in him,” Liv assured, crossing her arms over her chest. “Jack? Or Lucifer? It’s hard to tell at this point,” he criticized, finally turning his head to look at her. “Don’t be stupid.” “No. You don’t believe in him. You believe in the Winchester’s and Castiel’s influence on him. You think since they ‘raised’ him for a few months he’s gonna be some goody-two-shoes who does no wrong.” “Maybe so. Doesn’t change anything. I’d still tell him the same thing. “Yeah, well you better be right.” “What’s your problem?” “My problem?” His problem was being here. Her making him stay, forcing him by using her own safety and wellbeing as ransom. This place gave him the creeps, it wasn’t right. The sinking feeling in his chest grew deeper by the hour. Every minute left in this wasteland was one minute closer to a disaster he couldn’t foresee, but he knew was coming. “I don’t want to be here, Liv!” he fumed, “I want to go home. I’m so <i>over</i> putting my ass on the line for things that have little to no effect on me. We could walk back to that rift right now and go home. But no, you call the shots.” “You’re free to go,” she seethed. “Don’t. Don’t play these games with me right now. And stop acting like you want me to leave, or I will.” Her tongue caught in her mouth as tears fought to push through. Her eyes finally fell, it was time to accept defeat. “You’re the one who said you wanted out, but here you are dragging yourself, and me, back into every possible shitshow that offers itself up,” he continued, “You don’t wanna stop? Fine! I’ll drive around the country with you hunting every vampire and ghoul we can find ‘til you’re seventy! I don’t care. I just want to do it in our world.” “I do want out,” she maintained, voice meek and wary. “Then what’s the hold up?” “They’re my friends.” “Oh... sweetheart. They really aren’t. I’ll give you Cas, but Sam and Dean? No. They don’t give a shit about you or me.” “Cas told me about heaven.” “Did he now.” “Why won’t you go?” “Because you are my priority! You are! Not heaven, not the Winchesters, not even myself for fucks sake! Clearly, that’s a one way road though. Because here we are.” That did her in. Her bottom lip began to quiver as his words and gaze threw his unspoken blame at her. She felt small and insignificant under his scrutiny, but her decision remained the same. “I gave them my word,” she muttered, keeping her eyes on him although every instinct was screaming to look away. “So what?!” he yelled, “This isn’t about chivalry and bullshit egos! People are dying, Liv!” His raspy scream startled her. It was desperate and impatient, it was the sound of a man running out of options. He turned his back to her again, biting at his bottom lip to hold back his tongue. He wanted to scream again, try and scare some sense into her, but he knew it was useless. This was dangerous. They could die, or get stuck here. Lucifer’s word wasn’t worth a damn, he didn’t care if his brother had claimed the door would stay open for however many hours, he wasn’t buying it. “I’m sorry,” she lamented from behind him, and he could hear the difficulty of her decision in her voice, “I’m not… I’m not choosing them over you, over us. If that’s what you think…” “That’s what it feels like,” he admitted, dejected and broken. Unable to be in this conversation with a level head, Gabriel walked off. He could hear her sigh in frustration, well aware of the strain he was putting on her, but at the moment unable to fight past his own betrayed feelings to care. Expecting her to call out to him, her silence only stoked the fire. So she was just going to let him leave. Good to know. Between defending his brother, choosing to stay in this hellhole instead of going to start their lives together and now, getting nothing but a groan of irritation as he left, Gabriel was furious. He walked until silence overcame him, alone with his thoughts and anger, which was battle in and of itself. Liv dragged herself slowly back to the camp. There was no winning in this impossible situation. One way or the other, someone was going to end up angry with her. If she left, the Winchesters and Cas would be on the receiving end of her abandonment once again. If she stayed, Gabriel was going to be upset for being forced to stay with her. She understood his reasoning, but it didn’t change the fact that she had a responsibility to be here and help. “It’s time to go, where’s Gabe?” Dean barked as soon as she was within earshot. “I don’t know,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “What do you mean you don’t know? Aren’t you two attached at the hip? Literally…” “He walked off.” “Well get his ass back here.” Now she was regretting this decision. Home sounded like a substantially better option than being ordered around by Dean fucking Winchester. She trudged off to the opposite side of the decaying building she’d walked through with Lucifer only hours before, hoping that Gabriel would listen so they could get this over with. “Gabe, it’s time to go,” she sighed, not ready to face him, but he never came, “Gabriel?” “What’re you doing over here by yourself?” his voice rang out from behind her as he rounded the corner. “Calling for you.” “Oh… uh, angel radio is a little wonky. I can’t hear you. I found the group, Dean said it’s time to go.” Yeah, she was aware. He kept his distance, his hands in his pockets with his lips tucked up into each other. He looked better, normal, not so furious. She kept her eyes on him until his lifted to lock with hers, her gaze quickly averting in a poor attempt to prevent him from seeing her staring at him. “I love you, you know,” he called out, smirking, “even if you are a stubborn pain in the ass.” That wasn’t what she was expecting. Her heart jumped into her throat at his words, but she kept her eyes on the ground. “I realized that… I’m getting mad at the things I love about you,” he continued, chuckling lightly, “You’re hard headed. You keep your promises. You don’t give up on people, even when they deserve it. You’re everything I’m not. I’m with you, sweetheart, even though I don’t agree with it. I’m gonna fight your fight. But you gotta tell me why. Why does this matter so much?” “I have a lot of guilt, Gabe,” she confessed, and he nodded, he knew the feeling, “I left them, after you disappeared. I can’t do it again. Not now.”

“Okay.”

With her eyes locked on the ground, she didn’t see him approach, but when his arms slid around her waist she sighed in relief. She wrapped her arms around his, hugging him as she pressed her head into his shoulder. Resting his chin on the top of her head, he held her in a silent embrace. “Thank you,” she murmured against him, breathing deeply as a little relief washed over her. “Mhmm,” he hummed, and she knew he was still very apprehensive about the entire arrangement, “don’t make me regret it.” “Once we’re home, I’m all yours. Promise.” “I’ll hold you to that.” Shifting her head slightly, she leaned up to press a kiss to his throat. If she was committing herself to anyone for the rest of her life, she was thankful it was him. He tried. He always had. He took all of her blows with finesse and a patience she was almost certain was beyond a human’s capabilities. He didn’t move, waiting for her to pull away first was always how it worked, especially when she was upset. His stubble pressed into her forehead as she stayed nuzzled into his neck, for a moment they weren’t in an alternate universe with yet another insurmountable obstacle before them, they were just together. Knowing he was on her side made the mountain just a little less steep, but the she knew the hardest parts were still yet to come. “Come on, hop on,” he urged as she began to pull away, turning his back, “I like you all pressed up against me. Keeps me in the perfect state of hot and bothered.” “I think you’re supposed to be focusing,” she chided with a smirk, running her hands up his back and around the tops of his shoulders, “not getting hot and bothered” “I’m an exceptional multitasker.” Laughing, she jumped up onto his back, his arms linking under her knees as hers wrapped around his neck. She couldn’t deny she was happy to be hitching a ride for a little while, her trek through the forests with Lucifer had left her weary, and being curled up around him kept the bite of the cold at bay. Plus, the gentle brush of his hair against her cheek and sway of his bow legged walk calmed the storm raging in her mind. He was effortless, he was easy, and he reminded her that life wasn’t always a battle, sometimes it was okay to roll with the punches. As the group traveled down the paths leading to the base camp, Liv felt herself dozing off, her head lolling down onto Gabriel’s. Every time she did, she felt his grip against her thighs tighten, readying himself to support her should she fall limp and asleep. “You can sleep if you want,” he whispered, turning his cheek into her nose, “I got ya.” “Hmmm,” she whined against him, pecking her lips lightly to his cheekbone, “tempting.” “Someone needs to go ahead and scout!” Dean called from the front of the caravan, “Gabe? Cas?” “Or not,” Gabriel groaned, rolling his eyes. Gently, he placed her back on her feet, keeping a hand on her waist until she was steady. His eyes were intent on her, eyebrows furrowed in concern as she shook the half-asleep haze from her head. She linked her fingers with his against her hip, taking a deep breath in as she nodded, the cloud slowly dissipating. “I’ll be right back,” he bade, kissing her temple, “stay with… Sam and Dean, I guess.” The disdain in his voice made her laugh, his pursed lips and skeptical eyes only adding to the effect. He kissed her quickly, tapping her bottom once before walking off, a goodbye wasn’t necessary. He’d be right back. She watched him walk away, shoulder to shoulder with Cas, his blade at the ready. Her attention then turned to Jack and Lucifer as the group began following the angels down the path. Jack was still intently listening, and she could see the Winchesters growing more and more paranoid as the boy bonded with his father. As Gabriel and Cas walked on, he could feel the awkward silence that had settled between them. Castiel was no doubt still upset that Gabriel was refusing to help with heaven’s impotence, and Gabriel was a little peeved that he’d thought to get Liv involved. “Why’d you tell her?” Gabriel asked, keeping his tone level. “I was hoping she would talk some sense into you,” Castiel snapped back, side-eyeing his brother. “Leave her out of it.” “It’s her world that’s being threatened to go up in flames. A world she’s spent years trying to protect.” “Consider us retired.” “Is that you speaking, or her?” Gabriel swung around, pointing the tip of his blade into Castiel’s chest to stop him in his tracks, “Don’t you dare for one second think I force her into anything. Ever.” Castiel’s eyes softened, he knew that Gabriel had never been coercive towards her, if anything it was the other way around. He nodded, Gabriel pulling his blade away from him as he did. “You head back, I’m just gonna check around this corner,” Gabriel instructed, nodding his head to the heavily thicketed clearing to the left. Expecting to find nothing, Gabriel turned and wandered off around the corner. As he walked, he fantasized about what life would be in less than a day. Sunsets, margaritas and lazy mornings for the rest of their lives. He could practically smell the ocean breeze and see her perfect thighs peaking out from some skimpy summer dress he’d pick out and pray to his father she’d wear. She would, she wouldn’t admit it, but she liked them. A twig snapping turned his attention to the right, blade squaring up as he readied to fight, but the sight instead caused him to wrinkle his face in confusion. Six crows sat pecking at the ground, which was bizarre because he had yet to see one living creature besides the few surviving humans since he’d arrived. He sat and watched in awed reverence as they remained seemingly unaware of his presence only a few feet away, clearly very desensitized, as most were in this wasteland. He ignored the dread pouring into his thoughts, brushing it off as the effect of this world. When a louder snap echoed through the clearing, he didn’t even wait to see what it was. He could sense it. Them. “Shit!” he hissed under his breath, taking off in a run back to the unsuspecting group walking down the middle of the road. His legs couldn’t carry him fast enough, his chest aching as the cold air filled his lungs, branches whipping him as he scrambled through the bushes and brush. He had to beat them there, if he didn’t the entire group would surely be turned to dust, literally. “Angels!” Gabriel screamed as he turned the bend back onto the main pass, his eyes falling to the unscathed group as he went. Liv’s eyes jumped up, seeing Gabriel frantically running towards her, her heart beginning to pound as the group began to panic. She raised the gun she was holding onto her shoulder, aiming at the open space before them. When Gabriel reached the group, he immediately placed himself in front of her, holding one arm out to keep him behind her as his other raised his blade in front of him. “You know I can’t shoot with you in front of me,” she chided, scooting to the side to give herself a clear shot. He glared at her from over his shoulder before both of their attentions turned to the small unit of men dressed in tactical gear advancing. When their eyes fell to Liv, Gabriel swore their faces ticked in confusion. “Hey! Right there!” the leader called out, the two groups pausing for a stare down, “Kill them, on my command.” Gabriel’s heart dropped, as he planned to grab Liv and fly them off before any harm could come to her, the entire group of their enemies disintegrated to dust. Gabriel and Liv shared a confused glance, she looked to him as if he had done it, and he responded with a short shake of his head and a shrug. Their eyes then traveled to Lucifer, who stood smiling smugly, his hand still raised in a snap position. Gabriel’s eyes rolled as Liv groaned, lowering her gun back down to her hip. “Oh yeah, about the cuffs,” Lucifer drawled, “I knew they wouldn’t hold me in this world. Long story short, I didn’t want your impotence to get awkward, so I just went along. You’re welcome. Welcome. Right? Don’t… thank me at once. See. Team player.” As Lucifer nudged Jack with his elbow, Liv’s head fell to Gabriel’s shoulder as she groaned in annoyance. His arm slung over her shoulder as he pulled her away, not wanting to get into it with his brother. Of course he was playing along with games just to reduce Gabriel farther than he already was. Liv could sense his change in demeanor, she saw his shoulders slump forward and his head turn away ashamed. She hated that having his family around brought out these feelings in him, feelings of worthlessness and weakness. He was neither of those things. He’d been the one strong enough to rebel, to love his father’s creation, to fight for them. To die for them. “I love you,” she whispered into his ear, pulling his head down gently to press a kiss to his cheek. Of course she did. She was the lover of broken things. When she touched him, it was akin to when she ran her fingers over the cracked glass of a photo frame, jagged, and one wrong twitch away from scarring. Her fingers moved to the curls behind his ears, mindlessly weaving them between her fingers like the petals of a strewn rose. The haven of the forgotten. He’d never been worth a damn to anyone else until her. He’d give his life to repay that debt. “I don’t know why,” he croaked, her face falling from his response. Before she could find a moment to pull him aside, they were back on their way to main base. They moved in silence, Liv not wanting to have any form of heartfelt conversation with Lucifer within earshot, knowing it would be nothing but cannon fodder at some point. She felt blame, he wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for her, feeling this pain, reliving his traumatic family years. The longer they stayed, the more she regretted ever making this choice; for someone who was supposed to protect him she’d done a shitty job of it… their entire relationship. The Singer Salvage sign came into view, welcoming them to another safe zone. Gabriel immediately tore off to the side, heading towards a graveyard of abandoned vehicles, and Liv followed, despite wondering if Singer Salvage belonged to… Bobby Singer. It had to. She found Gabriel tossing stones against the rusted, metal, each ping a little harder than the last. “Gabe? Hey,” she soothed, taking a seat in the back of an old van beside him, “will you talk to me?” “About?” he grunted, keeping his focus on his mind numbing task. “Anything. I just want to hear you talk.” “What happened, Liv? How did you get here?” “Turns out, Lucifer gets a little juice from being angry. Broke the bonds, attacked Rowena. She got him off of her, but kinda caught me in the crosswinds and I shot over with him. He kept me around for leverage if Jack was being held somewhere, me for him. With you.” “Smart play.” All along, she’d known that he would have taken that deal, but hearing him admit it out loud was different. She’d have taken any deal to save him, too; she’d have sold her soul to get him out of hell had she known he was there. “Can we go back to that cabana? In Belize?” she inquired, lightening her tone. “Sure. If that’s where you wanna go,” he answered, voice still flat and emotionless. “How can I help, baby?” Finally, he turned to look at her and he could tell his suffering was waning on her. He could hear Lucifer jabbering on behind them, Jack still in tow, leaving him no opportunity to ease her mind. None of this was her fault, not really, and he wanted to relieve the guilt that he knew she was feeling. “So… thing about Gabe- class clown,” Lucifer introduced, causing Gabriel to clench his jaw as he turned to face them. “And you’re an ass clown,” he fumed, Liv’s gaze hard on the setting as it unfolded. “Ha! You hear that? He’s such a cut-up. I mean, I cant… Yeah, uh, I guess your time with Asmodeus didn’t do you any favors, did it, bud?” It took all of her self control not to lunge at that snarky asshole. Her anger was boiling her blood, this was the last thing Gabriel needed to be reminded of, and here he was jesting about it like it was all a joke. “Yeah, well my time with you was worse. You recall-“ Gabriel continued on, hoping to show Jack the true nature of his father. “I recall, uh, nothing. I don’t recall anything at all. Happy endings. All good, happy endings. Uh, meet Gabriel, your uncle. And that over there, that’s Liv. She’s uh… what exactly are you two? Is she...Auntie Liv? Is that what we’re goin’ with?” Gabriel shot his brother a warning glare before turning away. There was only so much he could take. He began to walk off, needing a second to clear his head yet again and when he heard footsteps behind him he was furious to find they didn’t belong to Liv.

She watched as Gabriel stalked off, Jack and Lucifer in tow, and she debated following behind or catching up with him once his brother had slunk off to his next ruse. When Gabriel’s voice began to raise she shot to her feet, ready to run to him, but waiting for the right moment. She wanted him to say his piece, to get the words out she knew he needed to say, or scream. Lucifer deserved the rage and Gabriel deserved his freedom. Her breaking point was met when Gabriel began to walk away again, his head shaking. “Leave him alone,” she spat as she passed, walking briskly to try and catch up with Gabriel a good few feet in front of her. “Aw Gabe, that’s cute! Need your girlfriend to fight your battles for you? See, not much has changed,” Lucifer jeered, causing her to stop dead in her tracks. Maybe her brain wasn’t working right, maybe it was the exhaustion or the hunger, but something in her made her turn back around, approach the devil, and punch him square in the jaw. Jack looked on, shocked, and Liv kept her gaze hard and unwavering as Lucifer recovered from her unexpected aggression. “Fuck you,” she hissed, her teeth clenched, fist ready to throw another one right into his nose. “Ah, no thanks. I’m not a fan of sloppy seconds,” Lucifer taunted, wrinkling his nose in disgust. She laughed through her nose, nodding as she tried to suppress the ire bubbling in her chest. Gabriel watched on from a distance, a sense of pride ticking his mouth into a smile as he watched her fist colliding with his brother’s face. He wasn’t overly concerned, at least for the moment, with Jack around he wouldn’t do anything detrimental. He was trying to be the goody-two-shoes he’s never been. Thankfully, he seemed to be failing. Jack’s face was skeptical as he listened to his father. Maybe Liv was right, there was a reason to have faith in this kid. “He’s not worth it!” Gabriel called, hoping to reel her back in and over to him; he wanted to kiss her. Of course he was worth it. Okay, maybe he wasn’t worth it, but punching him in the face was worth it. Stabbing him with the angel blade she wished she had would have been worth it. The look on Jack’s face was worth it as he saw through his father’s bullshit act. The thought of him snapping her out of existence didn’t even cross her mind as she stood in front of him. He was the devil, the biggest baddie there was, and she stood before him without fear. It took a lot of willpower to turn away and meet Gabriel down the path, but she did, her concern for him outweighing her own selfish wants to pummel Lucifer’s face into the ground. As soon as she was within arm’s reach, Gabriel looped his arm around her waist and pulled her into him, kissing her hard, free hand winding into her hair as he kissed his praises. Her muffled cry of surprise was music to his ears as her arms lazily wrapped around his neck. She melted into him, surrendering her anger for pure adoration for the man in her arms. “I didn’t think I could love you anymore, honestly,” he panted, “but watching you punch that arrogant S.O.B right in his jaw, dad as my witness, I’d write a hymn commemorating your triumphs.” “You’re an idiot” she jested, ruffling the hair on his head, happy to see him in higher spirits, even if it was only for a moment, “Come on, let’s find everyone else. Get the plan, go home, right?” “Yeah.” Slinging his arm around her shoulders, they walked into the main center of the large encampment, their hearts sinking as they took in the living arrangements of these poor people. Gabriel no longer felt angry being here to help them, they clearly needed it. If it took a few hours out of their lives to get these people somewhere safe, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. They spotted the Winchester clan a few yards away, and the person with them caused Liv to tilt her head in confusion. There was no way… “Liv?” the gruff, old man called out as they locked eyes, his eyes widening as if he’d seen a ghost, “I can’t…” “Bobby?” she whispered, loud enough for only Gabriel to hear, the angel passing a confused look between the two. Bobby immediately ran from his spot, pulling her into a massive bear hug, her shock pulling a gasp from her lips. Gabriel debated his next move, should he wrestle her free? Let this play out? She didn’t seem in distress… “And you, too,” Bobby turned and cried, pulling the angel into his arms. “Uh… what?” Gabriel asked, holding his arms awkwardly to his sides. Clearly, they were all missing something.

TAGS: @idabbleincrazy @analisespn @nodistressdamsel @morganas-pendragons

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X18 - Bleeding Through

If you don’t like Cora, then I’d recommend you EVA-cuate before this review begins!

...Fuck what you say! I’m proud of that one!

Anyway, the review is under the cut!

Press Release

After Zelena steals Regina’s heart, Regina casts a spell so that she can speak across the realms to her dead mother, Cora, to discover the truth about why she abandoned Zelena, and Belle stumbles across what Zelena’s ultimate end game is. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, young Cora is duped by a man claiming to be a prince and finds herself alone and pregnant. But a chance meeting with a real prince could lead Cora to the royal life she’s always craved, but she must keep her pregnancy a secret or risk losing everything.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

The Cora insight in this episode is so great. Like we really see how a woman with ambitions of royalty, but still a level head becomes someone so driven like the Cora who abused Regina so she’d become royalty. ”Revenge is a long-term plan.” I like how even in an episode that is more-or-less leaning towards sympathizing with Cora, there are nuggets of her darker side wedged in there. It really helps balance the story and remind the audience that yeah, this is Cora. There was always that darkness to her, even while she still had her heart.

Everything in this flashback also completely recontextualizes what happened with her and Regina and Daniel’s relationship. Like, of course a love with a commoner would leave Cora just a bit apprehensive. That’s not to excuse her for SHIT, but I do this it’s important to point out nonetheless.

Present

It’s weird that we don’t really reach the meat of this story until the halfway mark. Everything beforehand is more setup than anything and it’s unlike most every other episode in that regard. The closest comparison that I can think of is “Coming Home” which spent its last fifteen minutes as an epilogue.

I compared the Regina/Zelena/Cora conflict to the Snow/Regina/Cora conflict in the past, and I guess now’s as good of a time as any to unpack that. Just like how Snow did something that hurt Regina without meaning to at all, so did Regina to Zelena. Both Snow and Regina in their respective situations were innocents and so were Regina and Zelena victims of Cora. So, is there a point to pointing this out rather than to just say that it exists? Well, I think the latter instance shows the only good way that a complicated issue like this can be resolved: communication and understanding. Snow and Regina grasp this about each other and finally, this is where the bulk of their issues are put to bed. While Snow’s divulgence of her secret comes out, it’s going forward played for laughs in the instance of a corrupted state or as a “what if.”

But ANYWAY, that aside, the Snow/Regina dynamics sits at the heart of the present segment’s story. It’s hinted at early on and blossoms from the end of the failed seance onward. Snow’s apologies to Regina throughout the episode allows for these two women to finally confront the complicated nature of their run-ins with Cora. Cora was a bad person who in the end, got what she deserved, but the mess she left behind wasn’t deserved by those with whom she left it.

All Encompassing

THAT ALL HAVING BEEN SAID, ”She didn’t want to give up Zelena. She was forced to by my mother.” Everything Snow recounts about her possession is utter BULLSHIT and makes me think she has no comprehension skills! To put it bluntly, that aspect of the ending fucking sucks! This would be one thing if this were a few episodes ago, but she’s contradicting things that have and will be in mere minutes literally clarified. Cora DID willingly give up Zelena and all Eva had to do with it was making sure Leopold wasn’t swept up by it. THAT is why “My best chance” is the swerve of a line that it is, because it’s a mother giving up her child to die in the woods with absolutely no remorse! Because of all that, the moment where Snow “exposits” about the present ends up as the weirdest story hole that paints everyone involved in such an unnecessarily weird light. This is either the result of the writers not communicating with each other about the framing or the framing being flat-out wrong. Like, they’re trying to make this a more complicated issue, but are going in the reverse order of things! How did they fuck this moment up so badly?! If they wanted to do that, Eva should’ve been shown in the episode to be a lot more malicious than she was instead of exposing a liar. The actions should’ve been worse, but I’m more on Eva’s side than Cora’s. OR FUCK! LEOPOLD has a giant ass hatedom and he was the one who proposed to someone he was roughly four times older than! Make HIM the baddie! Have him outright reject her for the pregnancy and kick her out, no lie attached. That way, you get to keep the message the same, but give that assholery to someone who deserves it. Just...this element that makes up the moral center of the story is utter GARBAGE here, and it’s so sad given how well set up everything else was. Eva’s move was only douchey if you remove the fact that Cora was keeping such a big secret!

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-”Red apples are so sickly sweet. Don’t you agree?”That must be an Enchanted Forest thing, because not in our realm, or at least not compared to Granny Smiths!

-Okay, Zelena’s plan to get Regina’s heart was sinister and ingenious as fuck!

-The way Roland just drops the firewood in his hands upon seeing Rumple is so fucking adorable! #bestcharacter

-Aww! Regina’s first thought when she loses her heart is to ask if anyone was hurt!! <3

-I love the background music in the flashback’s first scene. It’s so bouncy and peppy and just makes me smile!

-Jonathan’s such a sneaky asshole-ish fuck. He has his seduction of Cora down to a freakin’ science!

-”I’ll turn this ring into gold.” Bitch, she’ll do it herself!

-”Can you please tell your mother that we’re not naming your brother Leopold?” Yes! Please don’t!

-”Eva might not work for a boy.” Edwin?

-The Dark Vortex is hands down the silliest thing this show has ever done and I kind of love it.

-”Oh don’t be jealous.” ...This line was said from Zelena to one of her monkeys. Do her monkeys have crushes on her?

-I like the explanation for why they don’t use the seance more. I am curious though, do you think people who have moved on can be communicated with? Like, if Neal were killed with an actual weapon and Zelena were present for it, would he have been able to be summoned?

-FUCK YOU, JONATHAN!

-”Good luck finding me.” Why? You’re a gardener. You’re pretty easy to find. ...Okay, so you’re just gonna run away from your job? ...You are such a loser.

-Hey! Pre-scummy Leopold! Decent to see you!

-Jeez. Hearing Emma talk about how powerful her magic is hurts! Damnit!

-”I’m not in the mood for a heart-to-heart.” “I’m not sure that’s physically possible right now.” XD That’s an underrated joke and Regina’s chuckle was well earned!

-”You can help with the teacups.” Why is it that teacups are this show’s equivalent of being soft and cute?!

-I love how you can see how freakin’ amazed young Leopold is when Cora takes his knife to make the fire.

-The way Emma says “Boom!” is sooooo cute! She’s so excited and I want that as my fucking text tone! <3

-...I love how Belle for once gets to interrupt someone at Granny’s. This is ending up as the best Belle episode ever and she’s not even the main!

-”You should have a woman dress you more often.” I can’t say that I disagree.

-”Why a heart? Why courage? Why a brain?” Do you think Zelena knows that there’s not only a book series, but a classic movie based around these things?!

-”My son is not lost. He’s dead.” Don’t remind me!

-Haunted house! Why are there so many Halloween episodes that have fuck all to do with Halloween?!

-I love how the possession blends into the next flashback scene! That was COOL storytelling!

-...I know Rumple’s playing her, but damnit, the dude’s dashing as fuck. If I were Zelena, I’d have fallen for him too.

-Damn! Zelena’s touch starved! Have a listen to those gasps!

-”And he said I have a tough placenta, which somehow came out creepy.” Yup, that’s Whale for you.

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Wicked Witch - So we now have Zelena’s plan and I while I stand by what I said in my “It’s Not Easy Being Green” review in saying that it’s kind of pointless going back in time when Cora only wants a child that will grow up to be royalty, the process of how she time travels is nonetheless a good one and Zelena’s the kind of character who is both cocky and talented enough to make it happen.

Regina’s Redemption - We get so much of Regina’s Redemption in this episode and once again, it’s all just spectacular! “If she wants to kill you, she’s gonna have to go through me.” Like, Regina’s not only defending someone who she used to HATE, BUT is freely standing up to her mother. That’s so impressive!

Killian’s Redemption - I think it’s a big show of how much Killian has grown as a character that while not romantically pursuing Emma, he’s still doing everything he can to help the cause while he comes up with another plan. He’s definitely in a complicated spot here and not telling Emma is definitely a mistake, but for his current situation, he’s doing what he can to ensure everyone’s safety.

Rumple’s Redemption - Rumple made a really impressive stride here. Just as much as Rumple mourns for Bae’s loss, he wants to honor the sacrifice he made and thus refuses to resurrect him at the cost of invalidating that sacrifice. Look, Rumple has a tendency to put his needs above others, but with Bae, he will never do that again.

Favorite Dynamic

Belle and Regina. Let’s talk about that apology scene and how good it is. I like how at the start of it, Regina does what she did with the Lost Boys and points how how them working together could benefit them both, but upon seeing that that won’t work (Or that it will, but Belle deserves better), she gives a real apology. And I like how Belle, while working with her, doesn’t necessarily accept it. It’s also a good moment in that it gives Belle a voice as she gets to react to things and get angry, and as Belle isn’t often granted that by the writing staff, I think it’s something that makes those moments stick out more.

Writer

Jane Espenson and Daniel Thomsen finish out their work for the season here, and they were doing such a good job...but then they fucked it up! Like, the mistake was easy to fix. Either make Eva do something FAR more villainous than convince Leo to test Cora or axe the “my mom was evil too” angle. But by not going all in on one or the other, you lose the center of your story, and that’s exactly what happened here.

Rating

8/10. Not gonna lie. That 8 comes solely from the ending resolution on Eva and Cora. That lack of understanding of what your own narrative was saying is so shocking and appalling to me that I had to take off more than just one point for it. The rest of the story -- both of them -- are so good. How did they not stick the landing? I feel like they were trying so hard to make Cora more complicated that they neglected Eva in the process.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - This is such a weird moment to love as a CS fan, but I still do. Emma’s finally opening up herself more to Killian and Killian can’t do the same, but Emma’s still trying and she’s trying fairly hard! Also, I want to know how that conversation would’ve gone had Belle not stepped in! Would Emma have gotten the truth out of Killian? Would there have been cuddles? It’s anyone’s guess!

Golden Heart - Just gonna point out that when Cora finally showed up, it was in by a spinning wheel of all things!

Outlaw Queen - I like the present buildup to Robin and Regina getting together. Regina’s softness and understanding of them being soulmates on top of their chemistry really helped the expedition of their romance work. Robin’s subdued presence alongside Regina and Snow’s conversation about her resilient heart really helped their kiss come together.

-----

Hey guys!! Thank you all for reading and to those fine and fabulous folks at @watchingfairytales for birthing this project! Also tagging the marvelous @daensarah by request! Love you all and I’ll see you all next time!

Season 3 Total (169/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (39/60) Kalinda Vazquez (26/40) Andrew Chambliss (34/50) Jane Espenson (28/30)* David Goodman (29/40) Robert Hull (30/40) Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (28/30)*

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Links to the rest of my rewatch will no longer be provided. They take posts with links outside of searches and I spend way too much time on these reviews to not give them that kind of exposure. Sorry for the inconvenience, but they still can be found on my page under Operation Rewatch.

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages: Epilogue

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Warnings: Language, mild PTSD. Explicit Sexual Content 18+. Mentions of Nightmares, Minor Character Death

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep Are you ever dreaming of me....cause I know this is delicate...

Words: 7.5k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01 @kat-lives

A/N: Here we are. This is the end of Delicate Stages. First, thank you to everyone who read, liked and commented on this monster of a story! I seriously can not thank you all enough. Thank you for being patient with me as I dealt with my loss, so I also really appreciate that. Thank you to my friend who allowed me to text her all sorts of silly little things and for helping me get my head straight when I needed it. I can't tell you the amount of sleepless nights and down time at work I had to write this story. This has become my baby, and I'm really proud of it and I'm baffled by the attention and praise it's received. With all that said, please enjoy, the final chapter of Delicate Stages.

10 months later:

The past ten months have been a fucked up roller coaster ride.

It starts only three days after Bucky drove out of Ana’s life. Max finds her, pulling her outside on the patio and carefully wrapping his arms around her in one of the longest hugs she’s ever received. He sits her down, then solemnly tells her the bad news.

Jared Sharp has passed away.

Although Ana has already heard a summary of what happened, Max divulges his side of the story. Jared was the one to realize what was happening, how he ran along with Max to help them out, and when they got there, Jared tried stopping it. He was critically shot and Max tried everything he could to keep him from bleeding out.

She’s heard this up until that point. Max continues, tells her that Jared asked if he saved her, and for some reason, he lied. It made Jared smile, said that Alex would be happy, and that was the last thing he said before he passed out. His body couldn’t come back from the trauma of the wound and gave out.

Ana had been peering out into the distance while Max talked. Her eyes sting, she blinks once, twice. Something wet falls onto her cheek and she realizes then that she’s crying. Her and Jared never got along while working, and he may have hated and blamed her for the wrong reasons, but he was trying to make up for it. They were beginning to get to know one another, understand each other. Her brother loved him for plenty of reasons, and Ana is disheartened that they could have been friends for more than a few weeks.

In the end, Jared wanted to protect Alex’s sister. He wanted to prevent anything further, he wanted to save her and Bucky, and it earned him a bullet to his chest. Ana leans forward, allowing Max to gather her in his arms as she cries quietly against his chest. She mourns the loss of Jared Sharp.

The long days morph into longer nights- some sleepless, some filled with nightmares of the aftermath- busy days, tear filled showers, bottles of wine, and working non stop. Especially after discovering the little notebooks Bucky left behind just for her. Honestly, Ana thinks it would just have been better if he'd taken those with him, instead of leaving them in a neat pile in her nightstand for her to find. Then, as she goes through them, page after page filled with nothing but his thoughts about her, she thinks, maybe not.

The first time she had gotten the nerve to go through one, she cried. Well, she laughed, then cried, maybe it was a mixture of both. She swears James Buchanan Barns could be a famous poet if he wanted to. It's these words, his words, his thoughts and feelings, that Ana rereads over and over, keeps close to her heart, and under her pillow. She feels slightly pathetic. She just misses him every single day, and Bucky's words just reassure her that no matter how much time passes, no matter how far the distance, no matter where he is, that he still loves her. That he will come back to her like he promised. It's her little bit of home she holds onto.

Home isn't a place, it's a person, it's a feeling; Bucky took that with him.

It's been a week since Ana has cracked open one of the little books, the binding worn by this point. It's not her fault, she's been keeping busy, more than usual. She's been working in the Medical Ward, offering her reports and help to any agents and Avengers coming back from missions. 

Ana has absolutely refused to join any new mission and not just because of her knee, to the point of where Tony no longer asks her. She'd rather just sit back, wait anxiously while cuddling Ezra, and do her Empathetic Healing. She tries not to use her Energy Alchemy anymore, at least, not until it stops making her weak.

Sometimes, while she's waiting, or alone in the compound, Ana wonders into Bucky's room. She's already took all his pillows, now piled up on her bed, and a left over shirt or two, but she sits on his mattress, staring at a navy blue hat he left behind. Sometimes, she falls asleep, curled up in the middle of the bed that still smells like him, and sometimes she wakes up to Steve covering her with a blanket. When that happens, he doesn't coax her to get up or move into her room, instead, he sits beside her, pats his lap for her to rest her head on, until she drifts off again. Misery loves company, they say.

The last seven days however, have been crazy. Ana had been dealing with filing reports, even proof reading others, and the team just came back from a four day mission, uncovering yet another HYDRA base. 

The mission went smoothly, but Steve still came back pissed off, and it took Ana quite some time to calm him. To be honest, she didn't try that hard, because when Steve becomes angry about the situation, it allows Ana to let her own feelings out because, yes. She is still upset and angry, and fuck, she just misses Bucky.

As does Steve, who takes it out on the punching bag next to her favorite one. When Ana catches him during these times, she challenges him to knock all the bags off the chains, they end up making a game out of it. Ana punches with all her might, until she can no longer control her powers, using energy to blast the bag right off. It always ends with them falling to the mat laughing. It’s cathartic for them both.

*

Three hundred and twenty-three days later, Ana is banging her head against the island marble top. She hasn't emailed Telly in a long time, both busy with their own lives and projects, but Ana is stuck on a mental health device that Tony has been trying to come up with and inquired her help. The concept being able to replicate what Ana can do, by healing the mind from emotional and psychological trauma. Maybe she if smacks her head hard enough it'll knock her intelligence back into her brain.

“You’re going to give yourself a concussion, and I will not be explaining that to Pepper.”

“Why? Because your fiancé will have your ass if I’m hurt?”

There’s a hand now between her forehead and the counter top, cushioning her blows. Ana narrows her eyes at Tony as he picks her head up.

“Why don’t you take a vacation?” He offers, his dark eyes flashing in concern.

“I agree!” Steve shouts from the couch as he sits up straighter, overly eager.

“Me too!” Wanda pipes in, pulling her attention away from the card game she’s teaching Vision. Those two have been growing closer and closer the past several months.

“I can’t. I’m too busy.” Ana glares at both of them.

Sam, who has been eating his lunch on the patio speaks up. “Not too busy to clean my wings! Four times. They didn’t even need a cleaning.”

Ana rolls her eyes.

“It was entertaining to watch you do that though.” Comes Natasha’s voice from behind her.

Ana spins in her chair not at all hearing her walk in. She snatches the untouched spoon and jar of Nutella that has been sitting next Ana for a while. She hasn’t cracked it open, mainly because it was making her sad. She still has the one Bucky gave her on her bookshelf. No one touches it.

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Tony asserts, ignoring everyone. “I’m telling you. Start packing and pick a location, anywhere you want to go and I’ll have my jet bring you there.”

She groans.

“Why don’t you visit your friend? That pen pal of yours.” Steve suggests, giving Tony a pointed look over her shoulder.

“Pen pal.” Ana mutters while Natasha leans against the counter, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Tony claps his hands together. “Yes. Besides, Pepper will have my ass for real if she finds out how stressed you’ve been.”

“I am not s-”

“You’re hair has been falling out and FRIDAY clocked your BP at 139 for at least-”

“Okay, I got it, thanks.” Ana snaps.

It’s true, she’s been purposely overworking herself. Jumping from one agent to the next, then the issue with helping Peter Parker’s Aunt May come to terms with finding the truth about his identity as Spider-Man. Which was shocking news to everyone, minus Tony. Not to mention the lack of sleep and still ignoring the Bucky shaped hole in her heart.

“Fine.” She sighs exaggeratedly. “I’ll go visit Telly.”

“Thank god. All this negative energy was making me antsy.” Wanda teases, wiggling her fingers.

“Negative!?” She pauses, then shrugs. “Hush and help me pack.”

***

Wakanda is the most beautiful, stunning place Ana has ever seen in her life. The scenery blooms in front of her eyes, the color of the sky seem more vibrant, as do the plants, the landscape. It's the incredibly advance technology that has her mind reeling. It takes her breath away. She can't help thinking, as she slowly and takes in all the new sights with wonder, that Bucky would adore this place. She ignores the pang of longing in her heart.

Ana arrives to her destination, the ramp of the jet she came in lowers as she goes to grabs her bags. She’s stopped by one of the stunning women who had offered to pick her up in the first place. She introduced herself as Okoye. She politely holds her hand out, her dark skin almost illuminating in the sunlight along with her intricate red and gold uniform. Ana insists she can carry her own bags, that it isn't a problem, until the woman levels her with a stern look.

Once Ana exits the jet, she's led down a beautiful hallway, that leads into a wide, expansive laboratory. Her mouth drops open. The ceilings are high, two entire walls display floor to ceiling windows overlooking the countryside. There’s a plethora of technological advance machines and devices, all futuristic and expensive; Ana is afraid to walk too close to them, lest she break something. Everything in this lab makes the one back home look like a child's play toy. They come to a halt on the left side of the lab, behind someone standing by a table of weapons.

"Princess Shuri," Okoye introduces a tilt of her golden spear. “AnaRosa Rios."

Ana balks at that, because Princess!? Telly sent the Princess of Wakanda to greet her? "Uh-" She squeaks dumbly, blinking in surprise.

The young woman, a teenager, dressed in all white with multiple braided hair wrapped up into a bun, turns. She beams brightly, waving excitedly. Then it clicks. Telly is Princess Shuri of Wakanda, which means she is the sister of T'Challa, the Black Panther. The King of Wakanda. Holy shit.

Shuri rushes to her, Ana automatically opens her arms to greet her with a hug. It isn't awkward or weird, since they've talked for so long, have shared so much, that it feels like a seeing an old friend who's moved away. Once they pull back, they break out into giddy chit chat and laughter, mainly because Ana had no idea who Telly truly was, but Telly- Shuri, knew who Ana was for a while. That is, until Shuri reminded her that she did in fact introduce herself way back in their first message to each other. Ana is just dumb and was overly impressed by her intelligence that she just opted to nickname her Telly.

Shuri pulls back completely, squatting down until she's level with Ana's knee. “How’s your knee holding up in this rusted thing?" She inquires with a beautiful accent. "Brother told me it was damaged again. Stark technology failed?”

Ana shrugs sheepishly. “In his defense, I don’t think he was prepared for a five pronged electrical disk to be shoved into my knee? It somehow countered the rods between the bones and disabled them. That's a lie. It literally yanked them from my bones." She winces like she can still feel the pain from the moment it happened. Her entire knee throbs occasionally, even with the temporary brace she is currently wearing.

Shuri pursues her lips. “Hmmm. It was painful, yes?” She gently taps the brace with her fingers.

“Excruciating.”

“Why did you wait so long to see me?" She stands up, crossing her arms. "I offered to help when you told me about your knee the first time."

Ana waves her hand around. “I was really busy and I was handling the pain the best way I could. I’m here now though.”

Shuri looks like she wants to say something else, but hooks her arm with Ana's own. “Come. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

She steers Ana towards the opposite side of the room, past the little workshops with objects she can’t quite see. She tries taking in the amazing sights of the laboratory, but she's being pulled too quickly. They head towards the Health and Healing area in the back, stopping by the Wakandan version of an MRI machine. Ana’s eyes widen, she drops her arm.

“Oh my god.” She breathes.

Shuri nudges her arm. “I thought you’d like it.”

Ana is amazed. “Shuri, you literally built a knee. This is incredible!”

The artificial knee appears more advanced than anything she has ever seen. It’s navy blue, nearly black in color, clearly made from a material not yet accessible to other countries. A thin piece of what looks like golden cartilage cushions the joints, along with golden tendons and ligaments.

Ana steps up to the table, examining the artificial knee. “It operates like a real one, right? No limited range of motion?”

“Correct. It’s better than a real one. It’s one-hundred percent vibranium. It's kinetic as well, so it’ll absorb any shock impact and converts it into energy.” Shuri explains excitedly. "Goes perfectly with what you can do. The surgery for it isn’t as invasion as a normal, less advanced knee replacement. Your recovery would be days, weeks possbily, rather than months.”

Ana claps her hands, ecstatic. “Does that mean I have my leg strength back?”

Shuri laughs. “Yes! You can land a powerful strike. The best part however, it converts into a positive source of energy throughout your body. I gathered all the information you told me and decided to build it that way to give you more endurance.”

“You're amazing, Shuri.” Ana compliments, focusing back on the knee to take in the details.

“One other thing.”

Ana turns to face her, eager to learn more. Then her heart stops in her chest, air ceasing in her lungs. She can barely feel her expression melt into shock and briefly thinks that she is going into shock. Time seems to stand still, and a warmth begins to spread throughout her bones. The breath she had been holding in without her knowledge leaves her mouth in a quiet huff. It takes her seventeen seconds to breathe again.

Bucky.

Bucky is standing there. 

Bucky is standing right there. Bucky is standing several feet behind Shuri, who is probably smiling so wide, but Ana doesn’t see her. She doesn’t see anyone or anything surrounding her other than Bucky. Bucky who has a soft little grin on his lips as he stares back at her. Bucky, who she had been dreaming of standing in front of her for months, is right there.

Ana has to be certain this is real before she truly reacts. She blinks rapidly, but the illusion doesn’t disappear. She twists her injured knee until it hurts, but she isn’t dreaming. Bucky is wearing a white tunic, threaded with intricate designs that look important, royal. His trousers are a gray loose fitting material leading to his bare feet. 

Clearly the past ten months has done him good, since he now has a brand new prosthetic arm, sleek and dark blue interlaced with gold. It’s his face though, that kickstarts Ana’s heart up again. He looks serene. His blue eyes are bright and clear as the sky, popping vividly against the color of his shirt. Any cuts and scabs are long gone, and half his hair is twisted back into a bun, the length now just above his shoulders.

“Hi Annie.”

It’s daybreak after the longest period of darkness. That simple nickname, that gentle little greeting finally makes Ana’s feet unglue from the floor. This is real, and Bucky is real and it’s not another heart wrenching dream. 

Ana sprints towards him, closing the few feet between them. She jumps, Bucky catching her instantly, wrapping her thighs around his hips. Ana kisses him. Bucky tightens his arms around her waist, pressing her close and kissing her back with fervor.

“Your knee!” Shuri cackles from somewhere behind them. They ignore her. “Love sick colonizers.”

Ana’s hands are in his hair, gripping and pulling his head closer. Their mouths open against each other’s and she has missed the way he tastes. Bucky moves his arm up her back, his own fingers tangling in her hair, kissing her harder. It’s bruising and perfect, ignites a furnace deep within her soul. Ana begins to slip, so she drops her legs, but Bucky holds her tighter to his chest. Unfortunately, they break apart, just barely, grinning wildly against each others mouths. Bucky brings his right hand up to cup her jaw.

“You came back to me.” Ana whispers, tears welling up in her eyes.

Bucky laughs softly, freely, and it’s the best sound she has ever heard. “Promised I would, love.” He kisses her again.

Her hand slips from his long, soft hair, falling onto his left shoulder. She breaks the kiss once more, gazing up into his watery blue eyes. “I’ve missed you.”

“You have no idea.” He exhales, swiping his thumbs along her cheekbones. He peaks her nose. “I have missed your pretty eyes.”

Ana melts into him. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Better. Brand new.”

Overwhelming relief crashes over. Ana beams, tears escaping her eyes. She’s so happy in this moment.

“I love you.” Bucky conveys strongly, nudging his forehead against hers.

"I love you, too. Oh my god. This is real right? Please, please tell me you're real."

"I'm very real, doll face."

"God." Ana reaches up to tug his hair, only to pull him back down for another long, overdue kiss.

“I’m fixed, Ana, it’s gone.” He mumbles against her mouth.

She pulls back, completely gobsmacked. “What- I mean- how- what?”

Bucky smiles so wide, his eyes squint, those cute crinkles appearing by the corners. “Shuri. She did this thing with-” he breaks off laughing as Ana places quick little pecks all over his face, “-the scientists and the-” Ana kisses his mouth, “-thing."

“Very eloquently put.” Shuri cackles behind them.

Ana grabs either side of his head, slipping her fingers into his thick, long hair, accidentally loosening the bun. She rubs her thumbs against his temples, senses his warm energy seeping into hers. 

“Fuck,” She mutters, beaming at him. “I’m so happy for you, baby. How do you feel?” She has to ask again.

“Free.”

The rapidly beating heart swells even more inside her chest. Her stomach flutters, warmth spreading throughout her veins. All she ever wanted was for Bucky to be free from Hydra’s monstrous tentacles. Ana weeps from joy.

Gentle thumbs wipe away her tears, as Bucky tenderly hushes her with sweet little coos. Once she gathers herself, she turns around in his arms, Bucky wrapping them around her chest. 

“Shuri, this is incredible. You are incredible!” Ana exclaims. “How were you able to do it?"

"Come! I'll show you!" She chirps excitingly, grabbing Ana's arm, pulling her from Bucky’s hold to dragging her across the lab. 

He makes a noise of protest, but Shuri ignores him. They come to a stop by a large holographic digital panel. She taps her fingers swiftly on the screen until images of what must be Bucky's brain pop up.

"We used our most sophisticated bi-scanners to create a one on one digital representation of his brain." The insanely intelligent princess explains, expanding one of the images. "The progress we made was tested and retested again in the digital construct, that way there was no damage to the physical brain tissue."

She turns her attention on Ana. "I was worried about that. If the tissue would be damaged in the process of deprogramming the words, of pulling them apart, since they were basically embedded into his DNA at that point. All interictally woven."

Ans shakes her head in disbelief. She knew how deep HYDRA's brainwashing went, seventy years of wiping his mind and repeating those words made a giant impact. A long term affect.

"As you already knew," Shuri continues, "there was no simple solution to just erase mental programming, especially after 7 decades. There's no delete button, and you were right, Ana. The majority of his programming was linked to the trigger words. The last thing we wanted to do was remove all of who Sergeant Barnes was. All his loves, his hates, his whole personality- when trying to destroy what Hydra made him into. 

“The hardest part was rooting out the extent of his memories that had the greatest amount of control over his physical actions. The ones that had been manipulated due to their deep emotional trauma. Which was quite a few."

Ana hums in agreement, surprisingly able to follow along. Shuri goes on.

"I ran an algorithm that was able to flush the influence of the trigger words out, all while retaining the core context of those original memories. Essentially, I was able reboot him."

"Does-" Ana speaks up, her voice raspy, taking all the information in. She clears her throat. "Does that mean, his memories..."

"They're all there." She grins brightly at her. "All his memories, and traits, everything that makes Sergeant Barnes himself, is all there. Old memories, and new ones, important ones."

She places a gentle hand on Ana's shoulder. "I was careful. I made sure to keep all his memories with you intact as well. The healing session you told me about, evidently, helped me out more than expected. By performing that, you essentially tied stronger, newer memories, thoughts, feelings, loves, into his brain.

“It was much easier to separate what Sergeant Barnes felt with those memories, what he began to associate the former trigger words, as good. Even beforehand, the words weren't as deeply rooted as I anticipated. Which is a result from your Deprogramming Sessions as well."

Ana frowns, befuddled. She had been staring at Bucky as he fawned over the vibrainum knee meant for her. Bucky glances up, and she tears her eyes away, locking her gaze back to Shuri. She mulls the words over in her mind for several long moments, her heart picking up speed just a little at the implication.

"So...what you are saying is-"

"You did not fail me." Bucky's voice interrupts her from behind.

Ana turns, blinking. He was just on the other side of the room two seconds ago. He's smiling at her, that one where his mouth is tilted up to right, and the corners of his eyes are soft.

"Precisely." Shuri concurs. "If it weren't for you, our process would have been longer and much more invasive. This took around fourth and a half months. It would have been quicker, but our country briefly had civil disagreements with an outsider."

"Wait. Then I really didn't..." Ana shakes her head again, trying to comprehend all of this information.

Everything she has been beating herself up with, everything she felt immensely guilty of, that weighed on her like 20-ton weights, wasn't true. That she truly did not fail in helping him. All those nights she spent crying into her pillow, all the nights she spent alone in their spot on the roof, driving herself into a nearly depressed tail spin. All that time she spent knowing that she could have done more, that maybe if she did something differently, that none of what happened would have happened.

"Annie."

The nickname she once despised pulls her from her thoughts. Bucky is standing a few inches in front of her, placing careful hands on her cheeks, his touch delicate. Ana revels in the contrast of his hands, warm and cool, allowing it to ground her. She's beginning to feel overwhelmed with everything from the past hour. Arriving in a place she had no idea exist until a day ago, thinking she was here to visit for a new knee, then having Bucky surprise her, to the information about how Shuri and her team were able to fully deprogram him. She feels dizzy.

"You with me, darling?" Bucky murmurs, smoothing his thumbs over her cheekbones. His eyes are so incredibly blue, and she is drowning in them. Wants to drown in them forever.

"I didn't fail you?" She breathes, still trying to comprehend it. She brings her hands up, curling her fingers over his wrists.

His eyes crinkle as his expressions turns fond. “No, you didn't. You were a big part in helping me." He leans closer, pressing his forehead against hers. "Between you and I, you were the greatest part. You are the greatest part."

Then he kisses her, gentle and tantalizing, the sensation melting right down to her bones. It causes her knees to buckle, her right one throbbing, but the love of her life wraps his arms around her shoulders and waist, supporting her against his body. Ana can't help it, a few tears escaped once more as she hugs Bucky around his back.

Shuri decides to speak up. "Your broken white boy is fixed!" She exclaims.

Not expecting that at all, Ana pulls away cackling loud and unabashed. She barely hears Bucky sigh, before she turns and launched herself at Shuri, embracing her in a tight hug.

"You are an exceptional genius!" Ana tells her, tears still blurring her vision. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Her friend laughs in her ear before she leans back. "When my brother told me exactly who Sergeant Barnes was-

"Bucky, Shuri." He interjects. He's ignored.

"-I had to help." She goes on as if Bucky hadn't said a word. "Not just for scientific reason, which is a major breakthrough for Wakandan artificial intelligence, but for the both of you as well. You became extremely sad in your emails, Ana, and his most recent memories were just as sad. I knew this would make you both happy. Captain Rogers too."

Ana beams at her, until it clicks in her brain. She takes a step back. "Oh my god, Steve knew this entire time!"

No wonder he was eager to take Ana here. That little fucking punk. When she gets back she's going to smack Steve in the face with his shield, then she’s going to have to thank him in the biggest way possible when she goes back. She looks at Bucky, who is laughing now, his mouth open and head tilted back.

If she goes back.

***

"You've been sitting on a never-ending supply of Winter theme nicknames for him, and I'm only now finding out about it?" Shuri asks, crossing her arms and glaring at Bucky.

It took a while for Ana and Bucky's reunion to die down, even having several of the Wakadans working in the lab clapping for them. It felt physically impossible to pull away from each other, and even now, Ana has her arms around his lower back, her head pressed against his chest over his beating heart. Bucky has his flesh hand in her hair, his left hugging her spine.

"I think you have plenty of your own nicknames for me." Bucky responds flatly. Ana perks up at that. "No. I'm not telling you either, darling. This information is very dangerous in both your hands."

"I'll just tell her later." Shuri winks at her.

"You don't stand a chance, Bucky." Ana simpers. She hears him huff exasperated. "You love me." She leans back to look at him, and he's already peering down at her.

"With every fiber of my being." He tells her with conviction.

Her heart swells. "I've missed you. I love you."

He kisses her deeply, until Shuri clears her throat. Bucky pulls back, shrugging unashamed. "I’ve missed those nine gold dots.” He gently brushes his thumb under her eye. “Would you like to see where I live?"

Ana ignores the little pang in her heart at the words. "That sounds like a line, Buck."

They stare at each other, goofy grins on their faces. Ana feels likw this is her own  homecoming, wrapped up in his arms.

"Go, go." Shuri shoos before Bucky can reply. "Enjoy your time, Ana. We can talk knee replacement surgery when you are ready. No rush.”

***

White Wolf.

It's what the Wakandans dubbed Bucky. It's what T'Challa and Shuri named him during his recovery. Ana finds out that the people have essentially adopted Bucky and have accepted him into their society and culture. He explains all of this to her, as she traces her fingers all over his new arm that seems utterly benign.

She can't get over the beauty of the vibranium prosthetic. It's so very different from the other, then again, this new arm was made with careful tenderness from people who genuinely hold Bucky's interest as important. As someone who is indeed a human, with complex thoughts and emotions. Someone who isn't viewed as a weapon, as an asset.

Bucky allows her to play with his fingers, twisting and turning his wrist, pulling his bicep closer to her face. The technology is amazing, beautiful. The design reminds her of the kintsukuroi artwork she has in her room. Ana traces every single line of gold she sees; around his fingers, his knuckles, the lines in his palm, around his wrist, up his forearm, over his bicep.

"To repair with gold." She whispers, accidentally interrupting Bucky.

He stops talking and laces his fingers with hers. Then he lifts her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. Ana smiles at him, before leaning into him, kissing him softly on the lips. As he brings his right hand up to rest against her chest and taps her collarbone, she vaguely remembers never believing in a one true love before. But as they sit alone on the freight train that takes them from the Lab, through the city and into the country side, she thinks maybe she was wrong.

*

Bucky quite literally pulls Ana along through a small village made up of scattered huts. Animals ranging from chickens, to sheep, dogs and even some cats run around. He shows her around the little farm he works on three days a week. He points out the animals, the little goats and sheep, some chickens and lambs. He points out his favorite little goat, who he named Rosa because she's a stubborn little thing that likes to kick at hay bills. The fact that Ana's full name ends with Rosa doesn't go unnoticed, and Bucky blushes when she mentions. He tells her that moving hay bills and other manual labor makes him feel whole, that he can be helpful.

Bucky admits, his voice quiet as he pets Rosa on the head, that most days he doesn't even use his left arm. Keeping it locked in a case up in the lab and working with just his right arm makes him feel more human; feels more like himself. That during this recovery process, he had begun accepting himself as who he was. It made Bucky feel like he wasn't just a weapon, and his old Soviet made arm was just an everyday reminder that for seventy plus years, that's all he was.

"I think that's why I was always so cautious with it around you." Bucky confesses, voice barely above a whisper. "All I saw was this horrific thing that could hurt you and I couldn't get rid of. I was stuck with it."

Ana  understands, and to convey that she does, she presses a light kiss to his temple. As Bucky leads them towards the furthest hut just on the outskirts of a small lake, they're surrounded by children with beautiful dark skin, dressed in traditionally wraps with white and yellow tribal paint on their faces. They're all shouting in their native language, but the kind expression on Bucky's face tells Ana that they're calling his name. Not Bucky; White Wolf.

He drops her hand in favor of picking up one of the smallest boys, swinging him around in the air. The child giggles brightly as the others all eagerly wait their turn, pining for his attention. Ana's heart blooms warmth, her cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling so wide. Bucky is so at ease here, content and comfortable, and the little pang gently kicks at her stomach. Ana ignores it once more as she is suddenly being pulled toward the lake by three girls, who then force her to sit on a boulder.

Bucky makes his way over to them after several minutes of throwing each child up into the air. He chuckles under his breath when he sees the braids in Ana's hair. The girls have been chatting excitedly, and although she doesn't understand a word, she's content to sit there and listen, taking in the life of the small village. Some of the older villagers offer her friendly waves and smiles, an elderly woman stopping by once to hand her some beads to give to the girls.

"They're saying you have thick beautiful hair." Bucky translate her as he sits down.

One of the youngers boys from earlier had follow him, and climbs into Ana's lap, taking her hands and playing with her fingers. "I figured." She smiles over at him. "They love you here."

"Yeah, I guess they do." He agrees, pinching one of the tan beads in her hair.

"Umfazi!" The girl behind her giggles. "Umfazi!"

Bucky clears his throat and turns to playfully poke the girl in the arm. His cheeks, Ana notices, are tinted red.

"What did she say?" She questions curiously.

"It's not important. She's just being silly."

Ana narrows her eyes, but lets it go in favor of tickling the little boy in her lap

***

After spending a few hours in the village, Bucky brings Ana to his apartment just on the outskirts of the city. It's an open yet cozy concept, despite modern touches and all types of advanced tech she has never seen before; sleek appliances and even an entertainment center. Bucky lights up while talking about it, a brilliant smile on his face, telling her how cool and amazing the tech is and Stark hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of what this country has and can do.

It's here that Ana finally realizes what that panging in her heart is. It feels like she's being shot all over again, steel bullets twisting her insides around. A bitter taste fills her mouth and she swallows it with the painful flutter of her heart as well. 

Bucky has found his place here; recovering, becoming healthy, physically, mentally, emotionally. His excitement and awe of every little piece of aspect hasn't dimmed once, despite living here for months.

"You're happy here." Ana states quietly, interrupting him. "You love it here."

Bucky's smile falls from his mouth, a frown setting in as he takes her hands. "I'm happy you're here with me. I'm happy with you."

He leans down to press his lips to her forehead, then trails his mouth down to her temple, her cheek, to her nose. He traces his fingers up from her own, to her arms, until he is cupping her jaw. Ana gazes up at him, her heart pounding against her chest, her cheeks heating up under his touch. He is looking at her with so much love, so much adoration, that any seed of doubt she was beginning to have fades away.

When Bucky presses his lips against hers, it's tantalizing, nearly burning her bones and melting against his solid body. Ana snakes her arms around his waist, pressing him closer, because at one point she couldn't handle three days away from him, and three hundred and twenty-three days was horrible. She grips his shirt, trying to hold off the sudden emotion swirling in her chest. She must gasp against his lips, for Bucky starts to walk her backwards, his tongue prying her lips open.

Something wet escapes her eyes, and Bucky swipes his thumbs over them. She doesn't know how they got from the kitchen to his room, onto the bed, but she doesn't complain. Ana brings her hands up to tangle her fingers into his long hair, when Bucky takes them both, interlocking their fingers and pressing them on either side of her head. He pulls back to stare into her eyes, and Bucky's own are wet.

Ana gives him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I love you, so much, and I'm incredibly happy to see you, you have no idea. Or you probably do. I just..." She trails off, lip quivering.

"It's alright, Ana." Bucky soothes softly. "I get it. I love you, I missed you." He kisses the tip of her nose, then pulls back. "I was in cryofreeze on and off for decades, and from what I remember, I didn't dream too often. This time was different. I dreamt of you, Annie. Your face, your laugh, your touch. Just being with you, and when I woke up, there was a moment where I thought you there with me. When I realized you weren't-"

He breaks off. Ana untangles her left hand, reaching up to wipe a tear on his cheek away. "It was horrible without, and I know that isn't fair for me to say-"

He kisses her to cease her words, and it's a very Bucky like thing to do. It makes her stomach flip.

"I nearly begged them to put me back to sleep after they fixed everything. Because being awake, knowing how far you were from me..." He shakes his head, his eye glazing over for a moment. He blinks, then smiles down at her. "I want to show you how much I missed you. I want to show you how fucking happy I am right now."

*

Bucky sits back on his heels, and it should be comical, him sitting there naked with how turned on he is, but it’s not. His hungry gaze pins Ana to the spot on the bed, her heart beating wildly as he continues to stare at her, as if he’s seeing her for the first time. Bucky doesn’t need to show her how much he’s missed her or loves her; Ana can feel the emotional energy radiating off his skin. However, he’s still too far from her.

Ana lifts her right leg, hooking her heel over his shoulder, the vibranium base feels smooth and sleek. She tries pulling him in, however, Bucky wraps his fingers around her ankle, moving her foot so he can kiss the Veni Vidi Vici tattoo on the outside of her foot. He then kisses her ankle, trailing his lips up to her calf. He places feather light kisses over her injured knee, the marks from disk faint against her olive skin; the brace had been carefully place to the side.

He continues kissing up her inner thigh, her stomach swooping as Bucky moves closer to her center. He ignores her there, opting to lean over and kiss the left side of her hip, where the scars from years ago begin. He drags his lips across her navel, his beard tickling her skin and kisses the newest scar left behind by a bullet. Bucky moves up to kiss the tattoo on her ribs, her skin erupting in goosebumps as his breath fans over the words.

He skips over her breasts, slightly heaving with her labored breaths. She has to bite her lip to keep from whimpering as he tenderly kisses the second bullet scar on her shoulder. Bucky grazes his teeth over her collarbone, tapping his thumb twice, before trailing his lips up her neck and behind her ear, kissing the lotus flower tattoo.

“Bucky,” Ana gives in with a whine, her mouth dropping open as his hard chest grazes over her nipples. “Please."

“Shhh, baby.” He murmurs over her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “I’ve got you.”

His hands find hers, lacing their fingers together as he finally kisses her lips. He keeps his mouth soft, delicate, the love he feels for her seeping into her bones. She loves him just as much, but it’s been ten months, and that’s ten fucking months too long. Ana wraps her legs around his waist, tugging him close, until his hard cock is pressed between her legs, sliding against her clit.

They both groan into each other’s mouths at the contact. Bucky brakes their hold from their hands, lining himself up, pressing into Ana. He goes slow, gentle despite how wet she is,. It’s been ten months without this, and the rush to feel each other skipped any foreplay. She breaks away from their kiss, throwing her head back and gasping quietly as he fills her, feeling every inch of him. He slips his left arm under her waist, holding her close and locking her there, as he takes her right hand away from her own, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

A soft nip to her neck makes Ana move her head back, meeting Bucky’s blue-eyed gaze. His eyes are blown wide with lust, nearly hidden with the love that is shinning in them. With shaky fingers, Ana brushes his hair back, bringing him down until their foreheads touch. He smiles down at her before capturing her lips once again.

On the first thrust, Bucky keeps it tantalizingly slow and deep, already hitting that sensitive spot insider her. Ana wraps her arms around his strong back, digging her fingers into his shoulders from a mixture of pleasure and dull fleeting pain from his size. Bucky pauses, allowing them to both catch their breaths and adjust, chuckling into each other’s mouths. Ana moans into a kiss after Bucky starts again, slowly continues to roll his hips, keeping each thrust deep and perfect. 

Everything feels like it’s on fire, the air nearly sizzling around them. Warmth seeps into her skin from Bucky, igniting every one of her veins and makes her heart pound against her chest. She vaguely wonders if he can feel just how hard it’s beating for him. Ana feels their energies wrap around each other, comforting, warm; home.

Bucky presses her hips down harder, groaning as her walls flutter around his cock for a moment. At this point, he’s barely pulling back, just keeps grinding deep inside her, her clit brushing against his pubic bone. Their kiss is nothing more than open mouth panting, gasps and whimpers being swallowed down once in a while.

It’s all so overwhelming, especially when Bucky begins to whisper sweet words into her lips, into her neck when he has to duck his head down for a moment. Ana’s nails bite into the skin of his back, holding him closer than ever, their bodies fitting together as if the past ten months never happened. It feels like their first time together, though much more emotional, the distance making everything more passionate.

“Bucky,” Ana whimpers, her eyes fluttering. “Babe, please.”

Bucky kisses her fluttering pulse in her neck before reconnecting their foreheads. “I’ve got you, my love.” He murmurs, keeping his gaze locked on hers.

He pulls back further this time, snapping his hips forward, slow and hard and it’s perfect. With each small thrust, the tip of his cock brushes against that spot, making Ana’s toes curl. Bucky continues the leisurely pace, just opting for longer, harder thrusts. It causes waves of pleasure to roll through her stomach, her walls clenching around him tighter and tighter.

He thrusts once, twice, three more times, before the fire and waves crash together, sending Ana over the edge as she comes hard around his cock. She holds onto Bucky, moaning and mewling into his mouth as he kisses her again, her hand slipping from her shoulder into his damp hair. He gasps into her mouth as her walls constrict around him. He snaps his hips two more times before Bucky follows right after her.

*

They’re panting side by side, slowly coming down from their passionate love making, skin sweaty and cooling from the air around them. Ana’s heart hasn’t stopped pounding since she turned around and saw Bucky standing the lab. She feels sedated now, a bone deep satisfaction she has come to miss. She could lay in this spot forever, except that she’s still too far from Bucky, so she makes herself move.

She hooks her right leg over his thigh, rolling over to press up against his side. She wiggles around, draping her arm over his lower abs, trying to pull herself up his chest. He wraps his arm around her hips.

"What are you doing?" Bucky chuckles, breathy little sounds that make her heart flutter.

"Trying to get as close to you as possible. Keep you next to me." She says, still wiggling.

"Darling, I'm right here. It's not like I'm just going to disappear into thin air." However, he helps shift her around until she’s comfortable.  

Ana shushes him. "You never know, and I need to keep you close to me. Forever."

Bucky kisses her eyebrow. "This is real, right? I'm not dreaming again?"

She taps her thumb against his collarbone twice. "I'm real, Bucky.” She moves her hand down to the middle of his chest. “This is real."

He brushes her hair away from her temple, shifting until he’s looking her in the eyes. "Annie. Stay with me?"

Ana feels her entire body light up like the stars, and she can’t be sure if it’s just a metaphor, or if her energy is doing something to make her feel like that. Either way, she smiles softly at the man she loves with all her heart.

“Of course.”

Bucky smiles brightly at her, crinkles and all.

“My Winter Snowflake.”

*******************************************************************

A/N: Umfazi means wife in Xhosa, which is apparently one of the languages spoken in Wakanda. What Shuri explains is from the upcoming comic, Infinity War Prelude.

Previous  

**To anyone who wants to continue Bucky and Ana’s story feel free to read the Sequel: Delicate Stages of Life  Set Ten months after Delicate Stages. Looking into the life of Bucky and Ana. Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #202

BTVS 7x17 Lies My Parents Told Me

Obligatory Soundtrack

Stray thoughts

1)  Tbh, instead of the Spike or the Ripper spin-off, THIS is the spin-off the Buffyverse needs and deserves…

We don’t get to see much of Nikki Wood but the little we do, I love. She definitely has Buffy’s sass, spunk, and punning powers. And she can kick ass!! I just think it’s such a wonderful premise to have a black slayer fighting demons in the backdrop of 1970s New York.

It’s also neat to see the interactions between Nikki and Spike and how they mirror Spike’s relationship with Buffy in the early seasons – Spike chasing after her in what looks like foreplay to him while the Slayer only feels hatred and disgust towards him yet they’re still pitted against each other as worthy opponents.

2) I truly feel for Robin in this scene, though.

I mean, getting his ass saved by his mother’s murderer must be very conflicting, to say the least.

3) This is such a sad yet truthful statement…

Hey, any apocalypse I avert without dying? Yeah, those are the easy ones.

4) Oh, Giles, don’t you ever go changing…

BUFFY Maybe you're right. Maybe everything is fine.

BUFFY Giles, what's wrong?

GILES Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I—I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?

I just love that amidst all the chaos and end-of-the-world-ness, he’s worried about the school not having a library.

5) I think this scene was kind of meta, don’t you?

6)

SPIKE Oh, bollocks. With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder that there's room for my brain.

GILES I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?

BURNNNNNN!!!

7) The CGI, though, it’s so cringey, looks like they did that with MSPaint.

8) Oh, and the cringefest continues, yikes…

I mean, where do I start? First, there’s the poem…

Yet her smell, it doth linger, painting pictures in my mind. Her eyes, balls of honey. Angel's harps her laugh. Oh, lark. Grant a sign if crook'd be Cupid's shaft. Hark, the lark, her name it hath spake. "Cecily" it discharges from twixt its wee beak.

I mean, it’s not necessarily bad, but it’s not… good. “Balls of honey”? Really, William? Really?

Then, there’s the fact that he’s obviously obsessed with Cecily and writing what apparently amounts to be a creepy amount of poems about her with HER ACTUAL NAME in them, and then he goes, “Hmmmm, Who is't is this cecily thee speaketh of? I knoweth not whom thee couldst possibly beest talking about. I has't nev'r hath heard such a name. Cecily, thee sayeth?”

And then there’s this, which is almost as cringey and disturbing as what comes later on between these two…

WOMAN She's lovely. You shouldn't be alone. You need a woman in your life.

WILLIAM I have a woman in my life.

WOMAN But you ne… Oh...

She’s like blushing? They’re flirting? I just…

9) I get everyone freaking out about Spike’s trigger being activated, but the truth is, the trigger seemed to be dormant until they went messing with his head. What I don’t get is Spike wanting them to unchain him, though. It doesn’t make much sense when he had chained himself before and even asked Buffy to off him a couple of times. Why would he want to be free now that he knows he could still hurt people? I understand they were building up the conflict between Buffy/Spike vs Giles/Robin by having him ask to be released and having Buffy agree with him WHEN IT’S OBVIOUS HE SHOULD BE CHAINED UNTIL THEY FIGURE IT OUT AND IT’S COMPLETELY OOC FOR BOTH HIM AND BUFFY TO ARGUE OTHERWISE.

10) I fucking love Drusilla’s reaction here…

WILLIAM We'll ravage this city together, my pet. Lay waste to all of Europe. The three of us will teach those snobs and elitists with their falderal just what—

DRUSILLA Three?

WILLIAM You, me, and mother. 

11) And then he goes and does the most sexual thing a vampire can do with a human BUT he’s surprised when that other thing happens? I’m sorry, but your relationship with your mom was weird way before she made a move on you…

12) I truly don’t get why they can’t read into The First’s actions and realize that it was manipulating them into doing exactly what they were planning to do. It’s so obvious to me, and I expected more from Giles, tbh. I can understand Robin because he had a personal vendetta against Spike and that’s obviously more important to him than the grand scheme of things. But Giles?

ROBIN Mr. Giles... You got a moment?

GILES What's on your mind?

ROBIN The same thing that's on yours. We got ourselves a problem.

GILES Spike.

ROBIN Yeah, if that trigger is still working, then the First must be waiting for just the right time to use it against us.

GILES It does seem doubtful the First simply forgot it had such a powerful weapon.

ROBIN Yeah, a while back, it slipped up. It told Andrew it wasn't time yet for Spike. So, whatever the First's ultimate plan is, it's obvious that Spike must play an integral part in that. Something needs to be done.

GILES Buffy would never allow it

Robin conveniently leaves out the fact that The First contacted him personally and divulged the fact that Spike had killed his mother. It truly doesn’t get more obvious than that! And I understand why Robin wouldn’t care. It was selfish but totally understandable.

On the other hand, Giles’s stance is rather disappointing. Not only because he fails to read between the lines but also because he’s clearly underestimating Buffy’s ability to make the tough calls when push comes to shove. Buffy had always proven that she has what it takes to make sacrifices for the greater good, even if that means dying or killing someone she loves. And at the same time, we know that she finds strength in her emotions and her love for others. So it’s kind of bewildering that Giles doubts her at this point.

There’s also the hypocrisy of him washing his hands clean off her when she needed him the most and was actively asking for his help but trying to dictate her actions and decisions now by deceiving her. I think that’s what gets me angry, really. It’s not his trying to off Spike, as daft a move that was. It’s his lying to her and deceiving her in order to do something he knew she wouldn’t agree to.

13) So, this is for the greater good, Robin? Hmmm…. 

It looks more like you’re trying to fulfill your revenge fantasy. Or maybe he had a weird crosses fetish?

14) I mean…

ROBIN No, I don't wanna kill you, Spike. I wanna kill the monster who took my mother away from me.

Technically, he could never kill the monster who killed his mother. To begin with, Spike has a soul now and by the show’s standards, he wasn’t the same person who’d killed Nikki. This is the reason why Robin chooses to use the trigger. But the monster that shows up when Spike’s trigger goes off is not the person who’d killed Nikki either. When Spike’s under the influence of the trigger he seems to be a much more primal, instinct-driven, lethal vampire, which is not the pre-soul Spike we’ve known.

15) I really like how the fight is juxtaposed with the scene between Spike and his mom. It’s a really nice way to show how he gets to accept and overcome the burden that makes the trigger work. You can see that he’s beaten not because of Robin’s punches but because of what he’s remembering.

I mean, who wouldn’t be traumatized…?

16) I kind of see some of the points both of them make during their final conversation. Spike, as usual, makes some very good observations as regards Robin and his vendetta against him in the sense that he’s trying to put the blame on Spike for getting robbed of his childhood when that’s not really the case. While it’s not true that Nikki “knew what she was signing up for” because being a Slayer is not a career choice or even a calling, she did choose to put her duties as a Slayer before her personal and family life, which is why she ended up getting killed. I think it would be interesting to see how she got that mentality. I can imagine her arriving at the conclusion that she had the chance to make the world a better place for her kid, which makes a lot of sense in my opinion. I can’t help but see her “the mission is what matters” statement as influenced by the Black Power movement, too. The thing is, the fact that Robin grew up without a mom was the result of a number of reasons. That doesn’t take away from the fact that Spike was, indeed, his mom’s murderer, but it feels like Robin was trying to channel his anger into Spike because he couldn’t deal with the fact that he resented his mother for not choosing him over her job. On some level, he must’ve blamed his mother, too. It’s just a very complex issue, and I don’t think Robin would’ve gotten over the whole thing just by killing Spike.

17) I’m not a fan of the resolution, though. The fact that Spike overcomes his trauma by pissing all over Robin’s in the most brutal way feels so wrong and unnecessary, and I don’t understand why the writers made that choice and expected the viewers to see Spike as the hero in that scenario. Of course, I didn’t want him to get killed and I do like how he got rid of the trigger – by being forced to confront what he probably deems his most horrible deed and understanding that what matters about his relationship with his mom is not its ending but everything that came before. But I don’t get why he had to be so brutal with Robin in order to do that? Telling him that his mom didn’t love him and all that? Like, these are all things Robin probably thought himself a million times before, but having someone else spit them out in your face – your mom’s murderer of all people – feels like the ultimate humiliation and I don’t appreciate the writers building up Spike as a “strong/badass” character again by trashing Robin in such a horrible way. I can’t imagine how anyone would cheer for Spike here? It feels wrong to do so.

18) This is the moment you choose to bring this up, Giles? Why wasn’t this an issue before? Why didn’t you question this before?

GILES You want Spike here even after what he's done to you in the past?

It’s such a douche move to bring this up when it suits your purposes instead of showing concern about this because, I don’t know, you’re worried about Buffy reconnecting with her attempted rapist?

19)

BUFFY I'm in the fight of my life.

VAMPIRE Really?

BUFFY Not you, Richard.

“Not you, Richard” is going to be my new “Take it easy, Joan.” I’m calling it. 

20) I just love how the second Buffy realizes that Giles has been stalling her, she slays the vamp without even looking. It probably was harder for her to not kill him.

21) This also rubs me the wrong way…

BUFFY You try anything again, he'll kill you. More importantly, I'll let him. I have a mission to win this war, to save the world. I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters.

I get that she strongly believes Spike is a warrior they need in this fight, but that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t stop him from killing Robin, someone who’s also an asset – vendetta or not - but more importantly, an innocent person. This is so unusually cold of Buffy, and I don’t like it at all.

22) I don’t know why Giles assumed that Robin would succeed in killing Spike? If he’d been smart and sneaky about it, of course, but Robin was more concerned about his vendetta and putting on a big show, he was probably the least qualified person to try and kill Spike because of how emotionally involved he was in the whole thing. It’s precisely because of his emotions that he didn’t succeed. And besides, fighter or not, he didn’t stand a chance against William the Bloody, which is the one he wanted to fight. Giles was kind of stupid, tbh. Like, he trusted this guy who he barely even knew with a very important task, one that would cost him his relationship with Buffy. And he didn’t even bother to make sure that Robin would do it in a foolproof way.

23) See the hypocrisy?

BUFFY He's alive. Spike's alive. Wood failed.

GILES Well, that doesn't change anything. What I told you is still true. You need to learn—

24) This is Buffy’s kiss of death, tbh, and I fucking love it, it’s so extra.

25) I’m kind of torn when it comes to this episode. I feel like it’s a solid episode in the sense that it explores both Robin’s and Spike’s issues with their mothers and Buffy’s relationship with her mentor/father figure. On the other hand, this is an episode that centers around three of my favorite characters in the show – Buffy, Spike, and Giles – and I can’t say that I like any of them in it. I can handle not liking one of them at once, but shaking my head at all of them simultaneously is too much for my poor fangirl heart, you know? I don’t know. They come across as idiotic, brutal, and cold, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I love these characters, and watching them act so unlike themselves for the sake of the plot… I just get this uncomfortable feeling I can’t shake off. I feel... like second-hand wrongness or something.

26) If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[marksfire]

Keep pushing my buttons, I dare you (you don't know why you do it)

The Flash I Harrisco I Humor, Banter, First Kiss I Read it on Ao3

This all started when Cisco decided to try to "bond" with Wells. Now, he's somehow moved on to - mostly accidentally - accusing him of being an awkward lay.

Cisco sat motionless across the table from Wells, hands clasped beneath his chin and eyes narrowed. He’d been trying to get Wells to loosen up for seventeen minutes now. Not that he’d been counting, or anything. Seventeen just seemed about right.

Plan 1.0 - trying to get Wells' to divulge his guilty pleasures - had ended in abrupt failure when Cisco had been told that there was no YouTube on Wells' Earth.

Plan 2.4 - sharing his music - had culminated in Wells looking unamused until Cisco had finally taken the hint and turned off ‘Hips Don’t Lie.’

Plan 3.7 had led to the coffee stain on the white ceiling and all that was left of plan 7.3 were the two broken crayons on the lab table to their left.

Wells was as still just as closed-off as ever.

He was like some serene eagle, Cisco reasoned - standoffish as fuck and oddly majestic. Definitely not Cisco’s best analogy, but accurate, nonetheless.

The fact of the matter was, it was fun, trying to engage Wells, and the fact that he seemed to be annoyed by Cisco’s efforts just made the endeavor that much more enticing.

“I bet...” Cisco drawled deliberately, hands still clasped underneath his chin with an air that made him look like a mediocre auditionee trying to pull off the prompt ‘lost in thought,’ “you’re a virgin.”

Wells raised in eyebrow. “You have met Jesse? You do know how humans are typically conceived?”

Cisco waved his words aside. “She was probably, like, an isolated incident. Fact is, you’re way too awkward. And maybe conceiving is different on your Earth. And also, I’m pretty sure that you treat sex like some stupid mortal activity you would never deign to participate in aside from after a very lengthy, quasi-essential discussion.” He was spouting bullshit, but Wells no longer looked bored, so Cisco was cool was that.

“Mortal? Do you think I’m a god, Ramon?”

Now, Cisco was having a fun conversation. “Is that seriously all you got from that?”

“No. In addition to your misconceived religious notions, I got that you apparently think about my sex life a lot.”

“Not unless I have literally nothing else to do,” Cisco defended. “For examples, see: figure one. Fig. 1: right now.”

“You have plenty of projects to work on. How’s that temperature stabilizer coming?”

“Finished.”

“The polymer you were putting together for implementation in the fiber of otherwise non-notable clothing at risk of being put under unexpected duress exceeding the limits of the non-notable fibers’ torque and endurance?”

Cisco blinked for a second, digesting the sentence.

“Okay.” He raised his eyebrows for emphasis and held up two fingers. “One-” he bent down a finger, “you read way too many books. Seriously. I think a lot of people would have to tackle that sentence with a highlighter, notepad, and a thesaurus in tow. And two-” he ticked off the other finger, “also finished.”

It wasn’t finished - he’d run into an issue with the fire-retardant coating - but it was close enough.

Harry (‘So now he’s Harry?’ Oh well. Cisco wouldn’t overthink it.), sitting back in his chair, held up two fingers of his own, mimicking Cisco. “One-” Harry ticked off a finger, “you seemed to handle that sentence just fine, so I’m not dumbing it down for you, and two-” he ticked off the other finger, “my point still stands.” He returned his hand to the arms of his chair.

Cisco inhaled deeply, then returned to his hands-clasped-under-chin position as he exhaled. “My point stands too. You’re still probably awkward as hell in bed.” ‘Why the fuck am I doing this, honestly?’ Pushing Harry like this was like a habit, but worse. Also, he kept doing it. And at this point, he didn’t even know why.

“Really?” Harry looked a little amused by Cisco’s allegations.

“Yep.” ‘Nope. Cisco, stop.’

“What makes you think that?”

“I mean,” Cisco looked Harry up and down pointedly, “all that.” ‘Cisco.’

“I look,” Harry replied, eyebrows raised, “like someone who’d be, quote unquote, ‘awkward as hell in bed?’”

“That is what I said.” ‘Goddammit, Cisco!’

“I’m not going to take offence to that.”

“Oh, don’t. Nothing’s cemented. Actually, I think that you’d either be super awkward or surprisingly good, I just said the one that seemed more likely.”

‘Did I accidentally download the ‘aggressively bad, flirty compliment’ malware package? Can I uninstall? Can I reboot!? Please!?’

“Not,” Cisco continued, “that I think about it a lot. I actually think about it very little, I’ll have you know.”

‘Oh my god, bury me underneath a skyscraper and leave me to rot so I can haunt some secretaries fifty years in the future. I’ll be the ghost of bad, mostly accidental flirting.’

Harry rolled his eyes and stood up, walking over to stand beside Cisco’s seat. Earlier, Cisco had pushed his chair away from the table, which left him about eighty percent open and facing Harry. Cisco didn’t know how the hell he could look so imposing, hair greasy and wearing a coffee-stained S.T.A.R. Labs sweater, but he somehow managed it.

Harry deliberately leaned over, gripping the arms of Cisco’s plastic chair and maintaining unnervingly steady eye-contact. The corners of Cisco’s lips had just begun to pull up in a smile as he thought about a joke to make - humor was his default communication mode - when Harry leaned in, lips pressing over Cisco’s.

The first thing that Cisco registered was ‘holyfuck.’

The second thing was ‘hot.’ Harry’s lips were hot - literally hot. The way he kissed was hot - figuratively, this time.

And Harry. Goddamn.

Safe to say, Cisco was pretty much brain-fried.

In his defense, it was kind of hard to think. Harry’s lips were little bit chapped and his tongue was sliding gently between parted lips and it was way too nice against Cisco’s own. The calloused skin of a firm hand was cupping his face and he could hear, feel Harry’s breathing. It was gentle, controlled, and feathered against his lips. Cisco was reduced to the sensation. 

To be frank, Cisco was half-convinced that he was absorbing oxygen through his pores, because there was no other reasonable explanation for how he was still conscious enough to kiss back when he was so breathless. Harry had somehow managed to send Cisco spiraling into a jumbled headspace of “fuck,” “hot,” “more,” and “fuck,” with a single, albeit, heated kiss. It wasn’t his proudest moment but Cisco couldn’t even bring himself to care.

When Harry pulled back, Cisco followed him unconsciously. He didn’t like the cold on his mouth and his lips were wet and he was a little bit dizzy and so it was only logical that he wanted Harry back.

When Harry spoke, his, “You might want to re-evaluate the respective likeliness of those two possibilities” didn’t fully register. His words sounded foggy, Cisco had forgotten what half of those words meant, and somehow, his ears were ringing. His left brain knew that it was from his racing pulse, but his right brain was still hung up on that fucking kiss.

“Huh?” Cisco said, dazed.

Harry actually smiled.