#i don’t want to keep living after that
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Mm
#i hate being mentally unstable#I’m so stupid#I’m a horrible person#i keep hurting the people I love#i want to die#I’m never going to forgive myself for the things that happened tonight#i ruined everything just because I’m selfish#i want to go to sleep and never wake up again#i don’t want to keep living after that#I’ve ruined everything#vent
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it’s heartbreaking to see what my briize mutuals are going through right now… i love riize and it upsets me that it’s come to this but i can’t imagine how it must feel like for those of you who’ve been with them from day one or who grew to love all of them unconditionally at another point of their journey. just wanted to send you all a warm virtual hug 🫂 i’m here for you 💗
#i don’t want to bring negativity even further into this i also feel like it’s not my place to speak because they’re not my ult group#and i don’t keep up with them regularly#but xdinary heroes is my ult group so i want to say this#i hope people start being more empathetic and respectful#in xdh’s live stream today which was about promoting their new album i saw comments about riize once or twice until i closed the tab#ofc i find the situation extremely upsetting but was this really the place?#it wasn’t anything too serious (unless there was more after i stopped keeping up with the comments)#but i know what one single comment can grow into#they’re not even in the same company#please be more mindful of what you say and where and to whom you say it
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Banging my head against the wall I’m SO deep into the trope of Person A being like “I have to keep being useful and doing whatever I can to please Person B if Person B ever stops needing me I’ll literally die I’m so so scared that they’ll stop needing me” and Person B saying without any hesitation “I’ll never stop needing you”
#Coughs Sanlu#Shima speaks#It’s the no self-esteem person VS the person who loves them unconditionally trope.#It’s the ‘I’m going to doubt every second of this bc I just can’t believe they’d ever want someone like me’ VS#’I love this person so so so much and I’ll keep telling them that even after they start believing it’#The ‘I’m so afraid to love you bc I know I don’t deserve you but I can’t give you up’ VS#’I can’t live I can’t breathe without you I need you by my side always’#BASHES MY HEAD INTO A WALL AND BREAKS THE PLASTER#Sanlu.
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Got Aventurine in 60 pulls!
He’s so auxhuehuche I’m so happy I have him now
#This is actually from 10 days ago but i forgot to post it so#I started on the 20th and i just got to equilibrium 3#Im at the part where we should leave luofu but we visit a few friends we made along the way or smth#Im so happy hes my first limited 5 star i love him#Hes my second oshi after dan heng or maybe even my first#I want to change the voicing to english for aventurine but i cant bring myself to abandon ito kento as dan heng#Maybe i can just change it to en for most of penacony and change it back when jing yuan and dan heng somehow appear#Ugh im still regretting missing out on jing yuan voiced by cyyu#But Ito kento#But i also like english dan heng too omg#Oh i also want to hear eng dr ratio bc he acts slightly differently towards aventurine compared to like jp#Like he sounded much more uh passionate in the aventurine keeping up with star rail video and i was living for it#hsr#hsr aventurine#honkai star rail#Aventurine#aventurine hsr#star rail aventurine#Hm idk im not sure if i should skip all 4 characters in 2.2 and after that (firefly and jade etc)#I have almost 100 tickets saved rn but like im not rly sure ab pulling for any of them#Idk im not really attached to any of the characters rn#Maybe i should wait for ruan mei? I don’t particularly love her tho shes inhumane but pretty idrc#Firefly and robin are apparently rly good but i feel like im baiting myself everytime i read another reddit thread and watch another video#Like idk the only 5 stars i have are yanqing dr ratio and aventurine all e0s0 and i dont feel like pulling for topaz either (boothill idk)#im really tempted to pull for jingliu but im probably going to pull for dhil maybe next year when he reruns just bc i like him so again idk
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More about the girls bickering (see this post) – as the at home more parent, Eddie has to deal with it quite a bit more than Steve does. Unbeknownst to his husband, Ed learned that once both the girls had KO-ed each other, there was a very easy and nearly 100% effective tactic to subdue them completely.
Standing on their hair.
It wasn’t uncommon for Steve to come home from a day of counseling sessions to Eddie in the midst of refereeing a fight, which is how he essentially got a crash course in this technique when he walked into the house one day to find Robbie and Moe lying on the ground, Ed with one foot on Moe’s ponytail, and the other on Robbie’s wild curls.
Robbie is still fighting against the restraint, while Moe has clearly long since given up, glowering up at the ceiling with her arms crossed.
Steve, coming to a dead stop: Alright, what’s going on
Eddie: Daughters, would we like to tell Papa how we ended up in this predicament?
They both glare in opposite directions, though Robbie does aim a knobby elbow at Moe’s side (and misses).
Eddie, conceding: *explains fight, which is mostly incoherent and might be about a pair of shoes*
Eddie watches Steve look between his husband and oldest daughters before giving them all a resigned shrug.
Steve: Fair enough
Moe and Robbie: *immediately start protesting*
Steve: Look, girls, it could always be worse.
Steve: He could be barefoot.
The girls let out simultaneous noises of disgust as Steve walks away.
#moe ruins this for eddie like a month later when she decides she wants her hair short again#they were arguing over whose shoes are whose#for the first time in their lives they both have the same shoe size#it’s causing problems#after another few days of world-war-esque fighting steve buys them each a shoe rack to keep in their rooms#a week later they decide to share shoes#a week after that they don’t want to share anything ever again#its a vicious cycle#this is inspired by my dad bc he did this to me when my brother and I were brawling#I can attest that it is effective#steddie#steddie dads#liv’s steddie dads verse#steve harrington#eddie munson
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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Honestly there’s really only two dragons I care abt with how the fandom characterizes (ok three but I’ve talked abt Sunny enough) and it’s Tsunami and Glory
Tsunami especially I feel like deserves better bc she’s honestly a pretty complex character hiding under a lot of bravado. Shes like insecure about her ability to be a good leader and is aware that like. Glory and Starflight are often more on the money, but she’s so used to being the one who defends her siblings and makes the decisions that being out in the world outside of the cave puts her in unsteady spot. She goes to violence because it makes sense and it’s what she knows she can do, but especially after the arena she has so much guilt and honestly a lot of worry about hurting her friends.
I feel like reducing her down to “loud confident lesbian” really doesn’t give her the time of day she deserves. She’s a loud very insecure lesbian gosh darn it
#wings of fire#wof#wof tsunami#I feel like her book really shafts her bc we never get to see much of her after that#she has like one very self contained story and then peaces out#but like I wish we saw more stressed nervous principal tsunami#having all these young dragonets she wants to keep safe but not knowing how#she’s a great character even if I don’t talk abt her a lot#himbo tsunami does live free in my head a little bit#she can be nervous and insecure and also dumb
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🏨 gimme those blorbo rooms fdsfdsfsfsd, since it’s Pinterest can I ask for more than one? XD if so ima ask to Karimas and Shaheens OH and also Gideons (low key I know what valens/yazans looks like but its a good excuse for u to get to share) so if u want to Valens and Yazans wild be fun 😌
K BYEEE <3 😘
LOLL im glad you asked and yes i will give you all of them 😌😂😂
Karima: she’s obsessed with collecting room decor and she has a crochet corner, half of her decor is crocheted too honestly 😂 I think she also has a thing for animal print stuff esp curtains and pillow cases, she’d keep small ceramics stuff she made with daemon everywhere
Shaheen: idk why it was funny to imagine his college dorm lol he uses space very efficiently also his desk is very important 🧠
Gideon: his room is so big and so empty but he’s barely home so who cares, the only notable thing about it besides the diabolical toys collection on display is the display cabinet he keeps all his medals, plane models, pictures, uniforms etc in
Yazan: yazan’s room as you know is a Dumpster 😂 it’s impossible to find anything in there and it’s never tidy, also so many posters and records + ofc drum corner
Valen: very pretty but his room is an entire house in itself you need directions to where everything is 💀 Texas king bed with a canopy, mirror above bed/on ceiling, maximalist unique decor and very beautifully coordinated color wise. Also huge portraits of himself obviously lol
[OC headcanons: Picture Edition!]
#thank u for the ask bestie I had a blast heh 💗💗💗#rip I just thought about the amount of STUFF karima would have to move to her and daemon’s place FJSKAJSKSK#she’s also the type to keep a lot of crap just because they have some sentimental value to her but it’s literally just crap from#an outside perspective#I don’t think shaheen’s dorm room is that aesthetic but he does have a lot of hangers and organization stuff that sure keeps it tidy lol#yazan I think gets tidier when he gets with kiara#she’s seen the mess at its worst but yk KDJSKSJS he wouldn’t let her live like that is what I’m saying 😂#but it’s so funny that even tho she has seen the mess and sat in it that he cleans up a bit when she comes over after they started dating#he’s like shy I guess can’t invite your gf over and have your room in this state lol what if they want to kiss on the bed or something#sorry crush not gf* 😂 he’s better when he’s older fjsksjdkdj he has a vacuum cleaner obsession now#also ig when you’re gideon and you’re room is that empty you put everything you can on display to fill it#but I think he only puts up the stuff he’s proud to have on display#even if that includes your whips and ropes collection which is insane 💀#half of gideon’s stuff is at valen’s place too FRKEJAKSJ#such a waste of money on a penthouse’s rent and for what#you don’t even have a toothbrush in your own house#it’s so funny to me that he probably keeps using his travel size stuff bc he keeps forgetting to buy like#regular size toothpaste or something 😭😂#valen has been actively trying to get him to fully move in actually lol#he succeeded eventually lol#anyways I will not think about valen moving all of gideon’s clothes and things#to a closet in his dressing room and sitting with them and going through his stuff when he misses him#he’s usually hesitant about wearing them too besides a designated sweater or two so they don’t lose his scent#I will also not think about valen spraying those shirts with what’s left of gideon’s cologne or that he keeps buying it or the fact that he#gets mad when someone from the staff goes in to clean the closet or ppl he’s dated esp asking what’s in there#ok it’s 2:30 am so I’ll put myself on phone timeout now 😔#again! Ty for the ask bestie! djskskdkfj 💗💗💗#ocs#my ocs#ask
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Noooo…… first it’s Yuuta and Shoko, now they’re yo-yoing back around to Megumi.
#no they’re bashing megumi even more than ever now…. sometimes some characters aren’t built for all of THIS AND ITS OKAY#he’s forever traumatized bro he just lost his sister in front of his eyes and his body was the one that killed her#same situation with Gojo who took care of his sister and he from when they was toddlers and up#megumi doesn’t want to live anymore and yuuji has already tried getting through to him he’s completely broken and even if he’s saved megumi#might not ever be the same#I feel like fans keep on forgetting that these are kids going through all of this stuff that even some of the hardest adults wouldn’t be#able to handle#they bash him but a lot of these same ppl forget what happened to getou and love him unconditionally#they’d say “’well other characters have lost a lot as well and they’re still trying!’ and I just have to#restate that again; simply not every character is built like some hard boiled shounen badass jjk is not the usual shounen that a lot of#fans still refuse to see tbh like it’s kind of built different 🗿#it’s core genres are literally horror/psychological horror like no one if gonna be bouncing back like Naruto bro#and in Naruto’s case he never got to see anyone precious to him die in front of him#who knows what Naruto would’ve went through if sasuke was killed in front of him#but then again#Naruto was already a crazy ass#he vowed to kill sasuke and die with him so nvm#but megumi ISNT crazy like that that’s the difference ajsjsjsj#he’s always been one of the more rational characters amongst his peers#he’s so normal!!! everyone else is fucked up or got larger personalities than he does#maybe ppl are pissed off at the fact that megumi simply isn’t fighting back… it’s frustrating but he’s in pain bro#I don’t see him making it out alive at all either if I’m being real#Yuuji might be one of the only characters to survive at this rate I doubt Yuuta is even going to pull through after the techniques 5 min#are up either…#rambling#the point it…… as sad as it may sound all of the characters fighting so hard now are doing so because they simply have to#Sukuna is literally a calamity and these are the only characters left who will even stand any chance against such a great entity#they don’t have much of a choice man#Gojo tried to prepare his students for the future so that they’ll be strong enough to fight back anything together. not alone#Everyone is doing what they can now
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not a very cisgender thing to do but was out of it enough that I realised I was attracted to a man and then was like ‘does that mean I’m gay? I feel like I should’ve realised this way sooner if so’ and I love that 1) I clearly thought I was a man ever so briefly and 2) I possibly also forgot which direction was straight and which was gay which is fine of course, both of these things are fine, but also. what
#I just woke up after a shorter than usual sleep#other than that I think I just think like that and my sense of self is just ??? and I definitely didn’t feel in my own body so idk#but I kind of slowly realised I’m living as myself and not some male character (and I don’t think that’s what I want to be? I think??)#and also that that would mean for me that this is the kind of thing that would not be considered gay? but I keep thinking sometimes that#gay=attracted to men and lesbian/bisexual (?)=attracted to women so maybe I just can’t like anyone in a non queer way? that’s okay
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Just got called entitled bc sometime I put my name on my groceries before I put them in my fridge… ah
#thank u for that father of mine#he said this to my mother not to me#but also#no one is stopping you from putting your name on groceries that you buy for yourself#sorry that when I buy a $15 block of artisan cheese I don’t want to share it with 6 other people#and I make that known to them#his specific comment was about how#everyone is so entitled putting their names on their groceries but they can all help themselves to mine whenever#which#okay#I’m the only person with their name on anything in the fridge#and again this is because I buy specialty juices or cheese that isn’t in our normal grocery roster#and his groceries are for making dinner with usually#not to mention I make dinner on Thursday for my whole family and half of my groceries are for that#anything I need that we don’t typically get when my mom goes to the store is something I go purchase#any produce or leftover food from what I make for dinner is up for grabs#but my cheeses and juice r mine#so to prevent them from being taken my name is there#if u don’t want things you buy to get taken this seems like fair practice#no one is stopping u from doing the same thing I do so your stuff doesn’t get eaten#bc again there’s 7 people who live here and it’s hard to keep track of who buys what#so obviously my name is on things for me#sorry for ranting on a Tumblr post that’s just stupid#sorry you decided to have a family and now have to provide for them as a result#I am 23 and I pay rent and I (none of ur other kids) go out of my way to cook for everyone every Thursday#and I do dishes and clean the kitchen before and after and whenever I have time during the week#but no I’m super entitled bc sometimes I want to be the only one who eats the artisan olives I bought for myself
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at least now that it’s done (debatable but i am delusional) i can maybe hopefully get some actual sleep tonight since i’m running on like 6hrs of sleep max in the past 48hrs
it ain’t even 1am and i am already yawning constantly and feeling extremely tired so fingers fucking crossed
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#i must go to work tomorrow evening which i both want and don’t want lmfao#i want to rot in bed and cry all day but i know getting up and going to work and walking dogs/playing with puppies/cleaning will be better#i shall continue living out of spite because i fit some of the criteria maga loathes#ie: not heterosexual + not neurotypical + not able-bodied#i shall simply ✨dissociate✨ and listen to music and walks the dogs and clean up after the puppies#if i keep thinking about all of this it will only result in a spiral into depression and THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT#THERE IS SOME GODDAMN GOOD IN THIS WORLD MR. FRODO AND IT SURE AS FUCK IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!!!
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day 9…
#maybe I don’t have the patience to sit and wait for this boy to text me again#I want to be his friend toooo badly and I’m just gonna burn myself out like this#I shall try to put him out of my mind and just let life take its own course#(things I could’ve done a week ago)#but still it’s best to try and nip it in the bud now and not after living with the waiting and longing for months and not being willing#to give it up because I’ve invested too much time and too many emotions in it#plus I have plenty to keep me busy right now#elly's posts#🍮
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I crack ship Boothill and Aventurine bc I get a laugh outta Churin constantly sending BH credits via special means to avoid detection with the cringiest gooiest sappiest messages known to man to throw anybody off
And then it gets serious
#Churin (anonymous): Get yourself smth nice babygirl (sent 1000000 credits)#BH: I’m gonna get that muddle-fudger next time I see him-#✮┆ ( .ooc. );#//Churin just keeps sending money on a whim to support his little hitman’s IPC clowning#//BH is grateful but keeps thinking there’s a catch—ofc there is; Churin wants a friend!#//I love it getting to the point where BH goes Fudge this and actively starts demanding for more monies#//Hey; might as well drain the IPC’s funds while he’s getting this#//Churin anonymously pays for all his bar tabs; all his repairs and upgrades: bro feels so happy to take care of sb#//Doesnt even bat an eye; he just gets so happy to be made use of#//BH ironically calling Churin the Wifey/hubby/spouse at home if asked abt his funds#//Churin NEVER lets him live it down when he accidentally hears it over call#//But then gets all flustered when BH decides to play along and refer to him as such going forward#//If asked abt his spending; Churin might say it’s for a pet project of his or for his lil kitty cakes#//BH threatens to get his ass if Churin EVER refers to him as ‘kitten’ when he hears—Churin proceeds to use &make that his contact name lol#//Do like the idea of BH offering to pay him back and Churin refusing until he finally concedes and says BH has GOT to collect smth from#everywhere he goes and leave it somewhere for Churin to pick up. so he can have mementos#//BH at first getting anything then eventually tailoring it to what Churin likes after getting to know him some#//Churin keeps every single one and takes special care of each and every little gift#//Oh no#//I don’t think this is crack ship to me anymore ncndn
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Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess
#I’ve been. thinking abt bottom surgery again after having accepted for a while that I would probably never get it#for context early on in my transition I was dead set on phallo but then T and my other surgeries satisfied me enough to not need it#+ for phallo I would have had to keep an arm or leg free of tattoos and I just did not want to wait on that#not considering it would probably be at least a decade. tattoos were and are more important#+ the more I started to enjoy using what I have I was like. it is simply not medically necessary anymore#like would I like to have a **** yes. do I need one to live a happy life no#being bi complicates things for me too bc it depends a little bit who I marry#don’t want to tailor my body to a specific relationship esp if it doesn’t last forever but it does make a difference#current partner is nonbinary and wants phallo so that does not make things simpler lol#I want a body that allows the most affirming possible relationship w the person I intend to marry#I also don’t want to end up hindering things w future partners should that not happen#anyway I say all this to say. I had never considered meta as an option bc I didn’t think it would do much for me#lot of effort and money and healing for not as drastic a change. wouldn’t solve my biggest bottom dysphoria issues#however. starting to think it could be the middle ground I’m looking for as a gnc/genderfluid person#it would be less surgeries. less complicated n expensive. less changes to my current anatomy#esp if I don’t do everything you Can do w meta. I could do like half of all that or less#I don’t wanna risk giving up the things I can do now without knowing if I’ll enjoy the new possibilities#but this could be a way to just kinda feel more affirmed without it changing my life all that much#I think just the act of undergoing bottom surgery would be affirming. like I’ve done Everything I’m a binary male thru and thru. transexual#and I wouldn’t have to keep wondering if I’ll do it someday or if I should#not that I can any time soon I’m uninsured. insurance prob wouldn’t even cover it#but just. the more I look into it and think abt it + the more serious my relationship gets the more I lean towards it#my partner talking increasingly abt wanting bottom surgery asap is influencing me too ngl not even in a jealousy way#just. I can’t deal w the possibility of a partners phallo fucking up my relationship w my body Again. I would need to know what I want#man. I can’t even go to therapy to talk thru it. on account of being uninsured#mine#txt#personal
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Finally met all 3 of my housemates and the sich is looking more dire by the second
#one is a total slob. like was living in filth in the house this summer before I moved in and cleaned everything#there was a ton of black mold in his bathroom apparently?? and I cleaned out his cat’s water fountain and found an INSANE. like#insaaane amount of mold. it was disgusting. and he’s so bad abt keeping the litter clean. like are u fuckinggg kidding me#I don’t want to clean after him but I can’t fucking stand people no taking care of their pets. what is wrong with u#one has an insane amnt of pets and has been describing their sex life in detail unprompted to my asexual roommate and is making her super#uncomfy#and one said a transphobic comment to me today. which is insane bc they use she/they pronouns#like it wasn’t malicious. more just bc of carelessness but it rlly rubbed me the wrong way#idk. weird situation. one of my roomies pulled out last second and we had to find some rando to move in and I just met her yesterday so.#ig I shouldn’t be so judgy buttt. the vibes r weird now. hopefully everything turns out ok#I was feeling fine abt it yesterday when we finally all met but now I’m feeling sooo anxious ugh. like my lease goes until July
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