#i don’t want like Tons of stuff because i know how i am. i’ll spend hours and hours downloading content and very little time actually

[fingertipsmp3]

One thing I can tell you is that I will be backing up my sims 2 downloads folder. I can’t go through this again

[yellowbrokenblue]

„Just… Pretend.”

summary: in which harry convinces you to spend your summer in cape cod with his parents as his ‘girlfriend.’ but everything is just pretend, your not actually his girlfriend and you never have wanted to be his girlfriend, you’ve never seen him as more than harry styles, the singer… but by the end of the summer will that change?

tropes (so far) : fake dating

part one

“It’s just for one weekend.” He pleaded, “Then you can go back to hating me. You never even have to talk to me again, I don’t care.”

You sigh, your head falling backwards with a groan. You did not want to do this at all, but he’d been persistently asking you for days.

“C’mon, please?”

You roll your eyes, “You’re on a date with a new girl every week, I’m sure any of them would be up for it.”

“I can’t just take anyone to my parent’s place.”

“Why not? Or how about you just tell them you’re not seeing anyone right now? They won’t care.”

“I just need you to come, alright? I’ll owe you one, I promise.”

“Why me? There’s a million other people you could take, besides I’ve already met your parents at a show, they’ll never believe we’re seeing each other.”

“And they really liked you!”

“There’ll be a ton of other people that they like too, Harry. Choose anyone else.”

“I can’t.” He sighs.

“You can.”

“I can’t.” He repeats.

You look at him with tired eyes, awaiting his explanation. You’d been over this a hundred times, you had no interest in pretending to be his girlfriend while he visited his parents over the summer.

“I already told them we’re together.” He says quietly, avoiding eye contact.

“What?” You scoff, “You’ve gotta be joking.”

“They just… They met you at the show, and they really did seem to like you, and they kept going on and on about how they want me to find someone who makes me happy and stuff and I shut them up by saying we’re together…”

“You’re unbelievable.” You say, annoyed.!

The fact he’d been telling his parents ridiculous lies without even telling you about it, when said lies actually involved you had pissed you off.

Harry’s parents were lovely, and a producer on his latest album you’d met them a couple times at shows- Especially during the LA residence where you and his parents sat through the concerts in a VIP booth. His mum was lovely, always smiling and knew every single lyric. She told you that she was in Harry’s 0.5% of top listeners on Spotify last year.

You thought that was cute.


You couldn’t relate though, 5 Seconds of Summer were your top Spotify artist- Harry could never find out about that.

“They’ve been asking for me to take you to the beach house for months-“

“Months?!” You interrupt, “How long have you been telling them we’re together?”

He shrugged, “Since the end of the Forum residency?”

“Harry that was SIX months ago!” You yell, “I can’t pretend to be in a six month relationship with you, that’s ridiculous.”

He sits down on the couch, hugging a pillow.

“Yes you can. You practically know everything about me already. We spent every day of the tour together.”

“Everything about you in a career aspect.”

“Everything in general.” Harry corrects, “Sometimes I think you know more about me than I do.”

“I don’t. You’re just saying this because you’re convincing yourself that this ridiculous idea will actually work.”

“Name my first pet.”

“What?” You question. He was being stupid. There is no way you’d ever be able to spend two weeks with his parents over the summer, it was never going to work. It was a recipe for disaster.

“C’mon. You know the answer.”

He just kept staring at you. He wasn’t giving up. The longer you stayed silent the more intense his stare got. When he began to raise his eyebrows you’d given up.

“Max.” You mutter quietly, unimpressed with this whole game he was playing.

“And what am I allergic to?”

“Marshmallows, but you eat them anyway.”

Harry was grinning, and it was pissing you off. He was winning and he knew it.

“My favourite Christmas song?”

You rolled your eyes, “Christmas lights by Coldplay, but you tell everyone that it’s Merry Christmas Everyone because it’s a classic.”

Harry was giving you a ‘I told you so’ look. He wasn’t going to quit until you agreed to pretend to be his girlfriend.

You sigh softly, “Even if I agree to this… It could he really damaging for my career.”

“No one will find out.” His face was more serious now, and you could tell from the way he was looking at you that he meant it, “I’ll make sure of that.”

“But if if does-”

“It won’t.”

“But if it does, because there’s always a chance no matter what you think, then everyone will only think I got hired to tour manage because we’re ‘sleeping together.’” You say, using air quotes, just to further elaborate that this was all fake.

Harry had already got his grammy, he was at the peak of his career he’d be fine no matter what happened. But you were a female music producer in a male dominated industry, if people think you were only hired for this album because you’re fucking the singer- your career was over.

“If people find out I’ll kill you.”

“Does this mean you’re gonna agree?”

You nod, reluctantly.

“Thank you!” He jumps out of his chair, “I swear I’ll make it up to you, thank you so much.”

— — —

If you were in Harry’s position you’d be vigilant of everything, everyone, everywhere. You’d be paranoid of someone jumping through your bedroom window while you were asleep. But Harry was oddly calm. Maybe he was just like that. His lips were formed almost in a smile while he slept, and his eyes were moving under his eyelids- probably from a dream he was having. He wasn’t calm very often- recently he’d been very on edge and anxious about everything, it was nice to see him look so peaceful. You hoped for that sort of peace someday soon.

You had been in the studio going on six hours, and when he’d taken a break from recording so you could go over the tracks he’d managed to fall asleep in that short period of time.

You let him sleep while you packed up the equipment, putting things back into their assigned places, and didn’t bother waking him up until you were 100% ready to go.

“Harry,” You said softly, shaking his shoulder lightly, “Harry we gotta go.”

His eyes opened and he blinked a few times to adjust himself to the light.

“Huh?”

“We only had the studio booked until six, we gotta go.”

“Oh,” He sat up, stretching his arms and cracking his neck that had went into a cramp, “Sorry, don’t even remember falling asleep to be honest.”

“Don’t worry about it,” You shrug, “We got enough done today anyways. You deserve a rest.”

There were only three days left until the day Harry had said you were leaving for his parents place, and you had skipped over the subject every time he’d tried to bring it up. You didn’t really want to think about it because you were dreading it so badly.

“I’ll give you a ride home.” Harry said as you left the studio building.

“No, it’s alright.” You say, “I’ll just get an Uber.”

Harry glared at you, “Y/N, just get in the car.”

You glare back. But it had been a long day so getting a free lift wasn’t so bad.

“So.” He said, starting the car. “We gotta go over some things.”

“About the album?” You play dumb.

“… No.” He rolls his eyes, “Stop pretending you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m not pretending.”

“Love, you gotta tell me some stuff about you. My parents are gonna ask me shit and I don’t have a clue what to tell them.”

You groan. You should’ve stuck to your gut and got an Uber.

“Like what.”

He shrugs, “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Purple.” You reply.

“Mines is blue.”

“I know,” You reply.

“What’s your favourite song?” He asked.

You laughed to yourself a little.

“Jet black heart,” You grin, knowing you’d get some sort of reaction out of this answer, “By 5 Seconds of Summer.”

“5 Seconds of Summer?” Harry scoffs, “They’re punks!”

You roll their eyes, “They turned to pop music and half of them are married, they’re hardly punks.”

“You know one of them dated my sister, right?” Harry groaned.

“Yep,” You grin, “And wrote a banging tune about it as well.”

“Don’t remind me.” He muttered.

“Look, you asked me a question and I gave you an honest answer. You can’t complain.”

“I know, I know.” Harry said, “You got any exes?”

You raise your eyebrows, “What?”

“This is the kind of stuff I need to know! Like I dunno if I’m your first boyfriend and all that.”

“Harry… I’m 24 years old. You’re not my first boyfriend.”

You said it almost as if he was your boyfriend. It sent a chill down your spine. This was going to be a long few weeks.

“Good to know.” He said.

He dropped you off outside your apartment.

“I guess the next time I see you will be for when we’re leaving, yeah?”

You nod. There was no studio session booked until after his vacation to Cape Cod, where his families beach house was, so he was right. The next time you see him would be at the airport.

“Flights at seven.” He says.

“Got it.”

The next few weeks were going to be hell.

part two coming soon…

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[clownprincehoeshi]

Parallel Hearts - Chapter 1

Synopsis: Never in your wildest dreams you imagined that you’ll meet your ult bias. Maybe you finally have your shot at love and happiness. Or not.

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Angst

Pairing: fem reader x idol Jungkook fem reader x idol Mingyu fem reader x idol Hoshi

Warnings: Kissing-Nudity-Sex 18+-Harrassment-Stalking-Death mentions-Cheating

Word count: 4620

This is my first time writing, I hope there are no big mistakes in the text, I am also not a native english speaker. This is chapter 1 from a series of chapters that will be about more idols. The story starts sometime in 2022. Enjoy!

Next chapter

Masterlist

Why does it have to rain today of all days? Is this how this city is welcoming me? Am I not wanted here? Well, you’re stuck with me now, city! I’m not going back to my shitty town and my shitty life. This is a new beginning. Y/N said, as she stacks some boxes on the floor of her new home in Seoul.

She moved here today, after she was offered a new job at an advertising company. She thought she needs a big change in her life. It’s not like her life in her country back in Europe was interesting. Yeah, she had a couple of really good friends there, and her sister, but that was it. She’s not interested in dating or having a man, she’d rather spend her free time on her hobbies and on herself.

One of her hobbies being kpop. She got into it when covid struck and she had to spend her time inside. Weeks and weeks of working from home and spending her entire free time at home, so she needed to find new ways to entertain herself. That’s how kpop came into her life. It was also a period in her life when she felt lonely, because she just ended a 2 year relationship. She put a lot into it, and let’s say she was more than disappointed when the guy told her out of nowhere that their relationship isn’t going anywhere. But that’s life, and she had to move on.

Now, this is like a new start for her, but she will focus on work and making herself happy. Starting a new life in a new country isn’t easy, but her luck is starting to change when she meets her new coworkers. Most of them are Korean, but there are also some foreigners that immediately try to talk to her and get to know her. She’s not a very open and social person, so it’s hard for her to open up and be all friendly with strangers. But Hana from work notices this about Y/N so she will make it her mission to befriend Y/N and make her feel at home. Hana knows how it must feel, she’s been in her shows when she moved to Seoul from Busan.

Hana: I think me and Y/N will be good friends, she seems genuine, so I’m going to invite her to have lunch with me today.

Maddy: Go ahead. I think she seems pretty arrogant to me.

Hana: Stop judging before you actually talk to the person, geez.

Maddy: Whatever, you do you.

So here you are, having lunch with this girl with bright brown eyes, named Hana who just seems so nice. It makes you want to be friendly and nice back. But you’re curious as why is she being like this with you, so you ask.

Y/N: Soooo… I don’t want you to think I am being rude or anything, but I am curious about why you approached me.

Hana: Well, I also moved from a different city like 2 years ago, and I know things must feel weird for you now.

Y/N: Yeah, it does feel weird. And I am not the most social person. I am a little concerned about how people will see me and if I will make any friends here.

Hana: Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be here, we can be friends. Deal?

Y/N: Deal.

Hana: Stick around me and you’ll end up with a lot of friends. You could say I’m pretty popular.

Then she winks cutely at you, smiling.

In these weeks that you have grown to know Hana, you have learned that she’s is indeed popular, she’s sweet, kind, had a ton of friends and acquaintances. She’s so cool, you think to yourself. Also, thank god she’s into stuff that you too like, for instance kpop. You haven’t met that many people that are into it. Strange, you think.

It’s Friday evening and a text from Hana pops up on your phone screen.

Hana banana: Y/N, I think it’s time

Y/N: Time for what, silly?

Hana banana: For you to meet some of my friends

Y/N: But I met your friends?

Hana banana: Naah, these are other friends that I haven’t told you about

Y/N: Ok?

Hana banana: But I needed to be sure about you

Y/N: What you mean?

Y/N: Hana?

Y/N: Hana banana?

But she didn’t reply that night. She called you the next day, saying she wants to come over to talk about her friends. Was she hung over from last night? How much did she have to drink? Was she drunk now? Did she drink first thing in the morning? What’s with the mystery? You scratched your head as you loaded the washing machine. You’re waken from your thoughts by the doorbell. Hana must be here. You open the door and she’s storming inside, with a big grin on her face.

Hana: Ok, here you are

Y/N: Yeah, I should be here, it’s my house. Are you drunk? Where did you disappear last night?

Hana: I was with my friends and I told them about you, so they got curious and told me to bring you next time I meet them.

Y/N: And are they like spies or something? What’s with the mystery? Are they aliens?

Hana: I was thinking to prank you and just not tell you who they were and see your face when you meet them, but it would not be fair. But you need to look your best if you’ll meet them

Y/N: It’s not like I look like shit when we go out

Hana: Y/N, come on. Sometimes you dress like a homeless person

Y/N: That’s how I like it?

Hana: Nooo, you need to look your best for this one

Y/N: I think the fuck not. Not dressing up for no man

Hana: It’s Jungkook. You’re going to meet Jungkook, bitch. He’s one of my friends. And all the 97 line.  Jaehyun is my cousin and sometimes he invites me to their dinners and hangouts with the other guys

Now… in your head there were conflicting thoughts. First thought was that this was a lie, there is no way in hell that the universe was so kind to you after all the shit you’re been trough in your life. She must be saying this to prank you, But what a stupid prank this is. Nobody should play games with you when it comes to your ult bias, JK. What is she thinking?

Y/N: You trying to die today?

You’re starting to get all red, you can feel it. You’re starting to get hot and angry. Angry at her for being such a pain in the ass. She knows you don’t like this type of shit, why is she doing this?

Hana: I am not lying!!! Look

As she takes her phone out her bag, she starts to show you photos and videos of her with the guys. Them, eating, drinking, taking night strolls, car rides, laughing, having fun

Remember that first thought? Scratch that. Those other thoughts? Irrelevant. Now you’re only thought was that one tik tok where Sponge Bob was putting on a maid outfit.

You grab Hana’s hands, look her in the eye and quiet sets between you two. You stay like that for a few moments. Then tears are forming in your eyes and they start to roll down your cheeks that are not a dark shade of pink, because you got angry before you got excited. You cry. You ugly cry.

Hana: What the fuck? Why you crying?

Y/N: What am I going to weaaaaaar?

What you’re going to wear. That was your fucking concern. Really? Well, duh!!! It’s Jungkook. He’ll see you. You. Why and how you’ve gotten so lucky, you don’t know. And the rest of the day you’re a ball of nerves, because you will see him tomorrow.

You can barely sleep that night. As usual, you spend your late hours in bed, watching Run BTS and Jungkook reels until you fall asleep. At 6 AM. You think you’re crazy and you will look like shit tomorrow. This is not the time to say I don’t give a shit how I look, I’m not going to look perfect for any man. But he’s not just any man, is he? No no. He’s the perfect man, you’re ideal man. How is he not everyone’s ideal man?

The next day you make sure to eat properly, to take extra care of your hair and skin, because you only got 4 hours of sleep last night. Thanks, Instagram for making reels a thing.

It’s 5 PM and Hana will be here any minute to pick you up. You’re feeling like shit. You feel like throwing up or shitting your pants, you don’t know which. You call you bff who’s back in your hometown. You’’re sure she’s awake, she’s a night person like you.

Y/N: Wifey, what am I going to do? What if I do something stupid in front of him? Should I just not open my mouth at all?

Bff: What? No, wtf! I mean, I know you’ll be weird and all, but just relax. Just be yourself, maybe try not to look like you trying to kill people, you know.

Y/N: Great talk!

Hana texts you she is downstairs. You grab your bag, check yourself in the mirror and leave your apartment. When you get into Hana’s car she starts whistling

Hana: Yooo, you looking for a girlfriend? I’m single.

You slap her shoulders and start blushing. But you know you’re mostly blushing because you know who you’re going to meet. But what if he’s not going to come? What if something happens and he can’t come? Shit! I wanna put my head into sand right now.

You arrive at the place you’re going to have dinner and drinks. You’re not much of a drinker, never been. In fact, you hate pretty much any taste of alcohol. It’s just not for you and your sensitive tasting buds. And you never try to drink just to please the people around you. No, you don’t care about that. So you won’t drink tonight either, unless they have something sweet. You like sweet alcohol, it’s tasty.

Hana walks in front of you, arriving to a private room and opens the door. You hear voices inside and your stomach shrinks into a little grain of sand. Oh god, I’m going to die!

She greets the people inside, everyone sounding friendly and nice, but then she moves. You were trying to hide behind her, but you’re been revealed now. You bow, greeting everyone. You’re so shy that you can’t even look them in the eye. At least not for more than 0,00001 seconds. You could be an octopus with how fast you feel your face changes color from normal to red. But you love octopuses, you find them cute. Your mind flies to octopuses when you’re meeting Jungkook. WTF. Focus!

Jungkook’s POV

You’re already at your second drink and you feel just a tiny tipsy. You hear the door opening and there is Hana. Oh, this means her new friends must be with her. But you can’t see the friend. You were about to ask about her, but then Hana moved from the way and there she was. Was she hiding behind Hana? That’s hilarious. She must be nervous, cute.

But when you see her, it’s like everything slows down. Like in those movies when the main character appears, looking all cool, and everyone is starring. This is how it felt. How can anyone be this attractive? Have I been drinking too much? I just had one glass, the hell. First thing you notice it’s her hair, because she was kind of looking down at first, then she bowed and her long, golden hair moved towards her face like the softest silk. You notice her big bright eyes, the way they avoided yours and that shy smile. She had a beautiful smile. She was wearing a cute short dress, revealing her shoulders and legs. Well, wow is all that you could say. Good thing nobody heard you. You hope.

Y/N’s POV

Hana points you to sit between her and Jaehyun. There is another girl there, and you find out it’s Eunwoo’s girlfriend. Wow, it must be crazy hard for them to hide their relationship from the public. I don’t really envy that, though. I wonder if Jungkook has a girl too. Jaehyun hands you the menu and tells you to pick whatever you like and he’ll order for you. What a gentleman, you think.

Y/N: Oh oh, beer and sprite.

Jaehyun: Interesting combo, never tried it.

Jungkook: Never to late to try new things.

He says that, while sipping from his glass, looking at you with hooded eyes.

Shit! Why are you doing that, Jungkook? I am weak! Stop with those eyes!!

You’re so happy when you mix your beer and sprite in your little glass and take a sip. The day got better and you feel like you can do this. Whenever you have your favorite stuff around, you feel more like home and it gives you confidence. Like your favorite drink, or food you like, or a song you love, or a doggo.

You’re pretty quiet, but that’s just you. You’re a die hard introvert and you take time to feel comfortable around new people. You’re happy thought that nobody says annoying stuff like “oh, you’re so quiet”, “You don’t talk?” and other shit strangers say to you when they first meet you. It annoys you to the Moon and back that some people are so unaware that not everyone is like them, extroverted, outgoing, super social, loud.

Sometimes, when you’re in a mood to put those types of people in their place, you fight back with “why are you so loud? Why do you talk so much?”. They get pissy, but you don’t care. You like your little bubble and you let only your people inside, the ones that care to understand.

You’ve had already 2 glasses of beer-sprite and a glass of strawberry soju. It’s sweet, you like this one. You feel a little social by this point, but still super shy to look at Jungkook. And what’s worse is that he’s just across the table, right in front of you. You need to look left or right to avoid his eyes. You only look his way when you’re sure he’s doing something and has his head turned away from you. But the alcohol is fucking with your eyes, so at some point and you think about admiring him a little more and you look. You look straight into his big eyes, because guess what. He was already looking at you. Good thing you’re sitting, because your knees become jelly. You do the unthinkable and for once in your life you don’t move your eyes. You keep them on him. And he keeps his eyes on you. What’s going on? Why is he looking at me? What do I do? Do I have something on my face? On god no, I must have something on my face, shit.

You must feel brave today, because you ask him:

Y/N: What’s wrong, do I have something on my face?

But you’re dead serious and while touching your face. He giggles

Jungkook: No no, you’re good. Sorry, I think I was starring too hard.

He takes another sip of his drink, while saying “cute” in a low voice, but you heard it and it made you blush. You felt like a big ball of lava right now. The Jungkook thinks you’re cute. The universe must be joking right now, making fun of you. Is this a dream? Have I hit my head one day and I’ve been in this dream since? When did your life become this? You were never a lucky person and it feels weird.

You observe Mingyu in the corner of your eye, kind of like trying to start a conversation with you. You don’t know much about him, you just know he’s Jungkook’s friend and he’s also in a band, but that’s about it. He starts to fiddle in his seat, you feel his eyes on you.

Hana: What’s with you, Mingyu? You seem a little agitated.

Mingyu: Oh, nothing. Just trying to hop into the conversation you’re having with your friend. I’ve heard something about going to a concert next week?

Hana: Yeah, I want to introduce Y/N to the kpop concert life, she hasn’t been to any so far and I think that’s wack.

Mingyu: You really must go, you’ll love it. What show you’re going to?

Hana: Ateez, we love them. You know I have a thing for Mingi.

You push her shoulder a little, knowing what she’s thinking right now, because you know your friend has a dirty mind.

Y/N: Girl, behave, not in front of my beer.

Mingyu: Oh, so who’s your Ateez bias then, Y/N?

Y/N: Yeosang. You answer shily.

Mingyu: Really now. And why is he your bias?

You feel Jungkook’s eyes on you and a rush of heat runs through your body.

Y/N: Well, I like his personality. He’s introverted and shy, has a great sense of humor, and he’s hot but at the same time really cute and adorable.

Mingyu nods like he’s in agreement, and then he’s asking the craziest question.

Mingyu: Who’s your bias in BTS?

You choke and you feel like you don’t know what words are. What’s speaking?

Y/N: I won’t tell you, since Jungkook is here. It feels weird

Mingyu: Oh, come oooon! Pleaaase?

Jungkook: Dude, it doesn’t matter. She’s right. I am here. Maybe you’ll find out another time when I’m not here.

Ugh, your savior. How can he be more perfect? He saved you when you were feeling awkward.

Mingyu: Damn, was just trying to make the night more interesting. Sorry, guys.

He says with a pout, the others teasing him. He seems like a big puppy. He’s so tall but so tiny at the same time.

The food is here. You let them order whatever they wanted, you had no idea what to choose. You just knew you don’t anything too spicy or weird. You can’t wait to eat, because you feel fucking hungry. You’re not something to shy away from eating, and even eating a lot. So you start with some soup, then some steak and all kind of grilled stuff. You just love Korean food, so tasty and filled with different flavors. You wish your best friend was here with you. You think to yourself that this is the happiest you’ve ever been. Eating delicious food and being in the same room with your ult bias. What could be better than this?

Well it could be better than this, but that’s another story, something you fantasize about when you’re alone.

Jungkook and Mingyu, seeing as you enjoy the food, the offer to help you with the meat. They put it on the grill and cook it for you, then put it on your plate.

Hana: Wow, guys, you’ve never done that for me. What’s this, now? Acting nice for the new girl?

Mingyu: She has been nice to us, you’re mean.

Jungkook starts to laugh, because he knows Hana always teases and bullies Mingyu. They all tease him and they do it because he never gets upset, he’s just that nice and soft for his friends and everyone loves him for that.

Mingyu, being the extroverted guy that he is, tries to find out more about you, so he goes crazy with the questions. He’s also had a few glasses, so you answer all his curiosities.

Mingyu: So, Y/N, tell me.

Y/N: Yes, Mingyu?

A pinch of pink appears on his cheeks, hearing his name on your lips, sounding so pretty.

Mingyu: Well, how did you end up in Seoul, why this city?

Y/N: Umm, long story, but to make it short, I have been a fan of Korean cinema, then started watching dramas too, then I thought I want to learn the language because it sounded so interesting. I already knew English pretty well, Spanish, and a little of French and german, so I wanted something different. Then stuff happened in my personal life and I needed a big change, so my boos from back home told me about this job opportunity in Seoul, since she knew I spoke the language already. I didn’t think about it, I just booked a flight and here I am.

Jungkook: Your Korean is really good, though and you know so many other languages, wow. You’re really smart.

Y/N: Oh, thank you.

Now you feel yourself blushing again, but what’s new.

Mingyu: Do you have a boyfriend?

You almost choked on your food. This man.

Hana: You have no shame today, Gyu.

Mingyu: Hey, we’re just getting to know each other here, we’re practically friends now. Right, Y/N?

Y/N: Umm, I guess?

Jungkook: So?

You look at Jungkook, trying to figure out what he’s trying to say. But all he does is lay back on his seat and manspread, with a grin on his face. You feel like going crazy. He knows what he’s doing. Does he know he’s my bias? Could he? Maybe he reads minds. Oh, I hope not!!!

Y/N: What?

Jungkook: Do you have a boyfriend?

Y/N: Oh!! I don’t, no.

Mingyu: Why not? If that’s not too much to ask.

Hana: Oh, this is going to be good.

She knows your life story and your history with guys and relationships, so she knows you have a lot to say about this.

Y/N: You really want to know? I can give a formal short answer or a genuine longer answer. Which one is it?

Jungkook: Long answer.

The whole room is now looking at you, curious about what you have to say. People are always curious about this type of stuff. You are too, you have to admit. And not in the Oh, I like gossip type of way, but you like to hear about other people’s love stories and why they didn’t work out.

Y/N: I don’t trust men. I used to. Big mistake, because whenever I put my trust in one, I would get disappointed again. My last relationship was a disaster. I felt used, like he came into my life, promised the world, then after he got what he needed, he left. I invested so much time, energy, feelings into it and all I got was emptiness. I tried dating a few times after that, but everything felt so shallow. Nobody with real good intentions. Everyone felt so fake, so I stopped everything. Why waste my time on people that don’t care about me? No. And you know what? Unless some guy shows up, really doing everything to show me he’s a real person with real feelings and not some stupid cardboard box, then I might consider giving him a chance. I’m just happier alone.

Hana: Mingyu wouldn’t know about that, he’s got a new girl every other month.

Everyone starts to giggle and you’re surprised but not really, because he’s a really attractive guy. And he seems to have it all.

Mingyu: Wow, you say such nice things about me, Hana. You’re just the best.

You laugh, you find him funny and charismatic. No wonder he’s getting so many girls.

Jungkook: Guys, come on, leave my man alone. He’s not that slutty. He’s just overly friendly and excited so he can give the wrong impression.

Mingyu gives a proud smile, hearing his bestie taking his side. Finally, someone takes his side, he thinks.

Y/N: But what about you guys, how hard is it to have a romantic life in your situation?

Mingyu pouts, Jungkook tilts his head and looks like he’s thinking, Jaehyun shrugs.

Eunwoo: In my case, all I can say is that it’s really difficult. You put your career on the line, but when you meet someone you really like, you can’t just ignore the feelings. You can’t live just for your work, you’re not a machine.

Mingyu: It fucking sucks, I barely have time for a romantic life. Things are getting really intense at work lately and I need to be there for me and for my members.

You look at Jungkook, who’s taking a soju shot, waiting for him to give a response too. You really want to know, it burns you to know.

He realizes you are waiting for him to say something, so he tries to change the subject.

Jungkook: Let’s do shots before we end this night?

And the hands you a glass of shot, you drink it, looking at him. He’s avoiding your eyes for the rest of the night and it’s not long until you all need to leave. The restaurant is closing, it’s past midnight and tomorrow it’s a work day. Shit, you have so much work to do tomorrow and here you are, a little drunk., wondering why Jungkook didn’t answer your question and why he didn’t look at you the rest of the time.

You all give your goodbyes and the guys are telling you how glad they are to have met you and that they will see you next time. You feel Jungkook’s eyes burning into your skull, and when you turn to him you catch him starring so you give him a little smile with a “goodnight”. He bows and smiles then turns and walks with Mingyu to the direction where a car is waiting for them.

You felt sadness. Sadness because this night was over, because you thought that you were weird and they didn’t like you. Shit, you met your bias of biases and you’re glad you didn’t shit yourself when he looked in your direction. You felt a little proud of yourself for not acting like a crazy fan. You always thought that if you met any of your favorite artists, you would just be quiet and act normal, trying to not make them feel uncomfortable. That’s what everyone should do, right?

You’re also trying really hard not to be too delulu right now, after meeting him. You can’t wait to tell your bestie about it, too bad she’s sleeping at this hour, must be really early in the morning there. Oh well, I’ll just take a shower and go to sleep. Who knows, maybe the universe is starting to like me and I will see him again.

Next morning you wake up all sweaty and worked up. You had a sex dream about Jungkook. Damn, it felt so real, wtf. Stupid brain, let me function today! You arrive at the office and you find Hana waiting at your desk, two cups of hot cocoa. She known you hate coffee, and what else could you drink on a cold march morning?

Hana: I figured you’ll be a little hungover, we had a lot to drink. Well, me. You were lightweight.

Y/N: Ugh, you’re a life saver. Thanks for the cocoa, I love it.

Hana: So what did you think?

Y/N: About last night?

Hana: Duh! Did you feel weird or it was fun? Want me to get a signed photocard from JK?

Y/N: Nooo, I would feel so embarrassed. But I really enjoyed it. They seem like normal people, though Jungkook is a little reserved. So mysterious, no?

Hana: Hm, maybe because you were there. He was a little more quiet last night though, but so were you. I could see you two being a couple.

Y/N: Omg, stop! I’m not that delulu, girl.

Hana: You never know.

[hunieday]

8th Anniversary story - Chapter 4 : Take on the new project.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8

Please note that I am not a professional translator and I'm only doing this to share the side materials to those who cannot access them, if you notice any mistakes please let me know nicely. Enjoy!

[Okazaki agency]

Yuki: Huh? A different unit from Momo?

Momo: We’re going to be separated?!

Rinto: That’s right. What do you wanna do? Will you decline?

Momo: What about the idols from the other agencies?

Rinto: Apparently Takanashi Production and Yaotome Production are actively considering taking it.

Momo: I see… If everyone’s fired up to give it their all, then let’s give it our all too!

Momo: You enjoy working with our juniors, right Yuki?

Yuki: I don’t particularly dislike it, but whether or not Momo is present makes a big difference in how at ease I am.

Momo: Sweet! I’m glad I can help my darling out!

Yuki: Well I still want you to help me.

Momo: If I really can’t help you now, maybe you should end up with juniors you're very friendly with, Yamato-kun for example.

Yuki: Huh, Yamato-kun. Can I go with him?

Rinto: They’re planning to select the shuffle members through an internal and a customer survey…

Yuki: Can’t we pull some strings if it’s for TV?

Rinto: It’s more of an advertising project than a TV program, so I don’t think it’s possible…

Momo: If they want to form shuffle units based on the beverages’ themes, it would make sense they’d want to have people with similar images in the same unit.

Yuki: We’re most likely gonna be assigned different teams. Yamato-kun’s definitely getting the beer association. My image tends to lean more towards wine.

Momo: I doubt it’s gonna be alcohol.

Yuki: Juice perhaps? Then, Momo’s definitely gonna be with momorin…

Rinto: Oh…

Yuki: What?

Rinto: I promised not to mention the company’s name… but it’s not momorin’s manufacturer.

Momo: Momorin! I love you, but goodbye!!

Yuki: Tell that to me as well.

Momo: Yuki! I love you, but goodbye!!

Yuki: That would normally hurt me… But, well, it’s my job so I’ll do my best.

Yuki: Maybe it’s not bad at all. Since we’ll be in different units, I’ll watch you perform from the audience seats.

Momo: Let’s bring fans for each other! I’ll wave my penlight the hardest…!

Yuki: I'll find you wherever you are.

Momo: Darling, you’re so handsome! I’m super looking forward to these temporary units!

Momo: I’m also intrigued by this anonymous company………….!

Yuki: What’s wrong, Momo?

Momo: Ah, no…

Momo: Listen, Okarin. Did that company have a recent change in owners?

Rinto: What… I’m not sure. Why does that matter to you?

Momo: Oh, nothing! Just curious. Thought it might be a company I knew.

Yuki: Momo has tons of friends after all.

Momo: Ahaha, that’s true…

Momo: Don’t tell me Ryo-san is behind that company…it can’t be…

Momo: He used to run a trading company before becoming the head of Tsukumo. Bought and sold companies and stuff…

Momo: I hope I’m just overthinking it… he did say he turned over a new page. He needs to grow up.

Momo: I hope I’m wrong…

[Tsukumo Production]

Shiro: ... So, we have a project to form temporary units.

Touma: A shuffle project with other groups! It's gonna be the first time for ŹOOḼ, right? Sounds interesting!

Touma: Right, guys?

Haruka: ...

Minami: ...

Torao: ...

Touma: Huh? You don’t like it?

Haruka: I don’t hate it but...

Minami: Forming units means more TV appearances and live performances...

Torao: We'll be spending more time with the other guys...

Touma: Is that not okay? It's gonna be with IDOLiSH7, TRIGGER, and Re:vale, after all.

Minami＆Haruka＆Torao: ...

Minami＆Haruka＆Torao: I don’t mind but...

Shiro: Is it because you're shy around new people?

Haruka: I'm not shy! It's fine. I’m totally completely fine with it.

Minami: So, will it be two and two? How will we be split?

Shiro: Since you guys are four and there will be four temporary units, it's likely that each of you will join a different one.

Torao: We’re gonna be separated… What about Sougo? As long as I’m in the same unit as him or Ryuunosuke.

Haruka: Me too! I want to be with Izumi or Yotsuba!

Minami: I’m fine with everyone except Rokuya-san.

Touma: What's wrong? I thought you were friends.

Minami: We’re not.

Torao: You had a fight?

Minami: It’s not like that. I just think he’s overly pompous and mighty. Probably due to his upbringing as a prince…

Haruka: More pompous than Torao?

Torao: Not more than me.

Touma: Don’t admit to that so smugly. So, are we going to accept this job?

Minami＆Haruka＆Torao: ...

Minami＆Haruka＆Torao: We'll do it...

Shiro: Great! I'll respond to them right away!

Touma: Please do! I can’t wait to see who we’ll end up with!

Torao: But what's with this company making the offer wanting to stay anonymous? Why are they going through the trouble of keeping their identity hidden?

Haruka: Could it be some kind of prank? Maybe it's Torao's family's company?

Torao: Ahaha. No way...

Torao: ...No way...

Torao: My dad was really happy about my idol debut... No, there's no way he owns a beverage company.

Torao: But maybe he used a friend's company to make this offer as a show of support...

Torao: If my parents suddenly appear in front of these guys as part of some surprise...

Torao: It would be incredibly embarrassing...I absolutely hate it…

Touma: Tora, are you okay?

Torao: Y-Yeah.

Torao: What's the deal with this mysterious beverage company...?

To be continued...

[rowanul-tyr]

So. Dawntrail.

I finished the 7.0 MSQ roughly a week ago, during the early access period, and overall I had a great time with it! My thoughts on the expansion as a whole have been marinating in the brain pot since then, and I wanted to touch on some of those thoughts and why I think this has been such a great expansion so far, at least story-wise. All under a cut for spoilers, and I’ll honestly be talking mostly vaguely about plot stuff anyway. And I’ll mark anything specific that is spoilers, and dividing things zone by zone.

Anyway.

First and foremost, since I feel like this will help put my overall opinion into perspective, is my ranking of expansions so far.

1: SHB will forever be king to me in a ton of ways; part of it is this was the expansion I started with, but I also just love the story it tells so much and even if I have little gripes, they’re all so minor that it doesn’t really matter

2: a tie between HW and EW, actually--both are excellent, and while I have some issues with parts of them, the positives for the most part outweigh my issues

3: another tie between STB and ARR--I think both of these are good, but have some issues that really can’t be ignored. And they’re only at the bottom because that’s how lists work.

DT is not perfect in my eyes (not by a long shot), but it is giving SHB a true run for its money in terms of how much I liked it. Like I said initially, I don’t think it’s without its problems (no expansion is, even SHB no matter how much I love it), but overall there is just SO much good stuff here that I am 100% willing to forgive it.

Before I get into the details, I want to say: making it clear from the pre-order stuff and Viper and all that this is the FF9 expansion really is important. FF9 begins fairly bright and cheery and its aesthetic lends itself well to hiding what subject matter it tackles, but then it eventually starts dealing with a LOT of heavy topics--and Dawntrail is very much living up to that in my book.

Expansion Start

Going into this expansion I really had no idea what to expect. I admit that the 6.X patch cycle really threw me for a loop once DT was announced, and it felt kind of pointless to be doing so much with the void? I was like, “Why are we spending so much time on this, when we should be looking at things that are relevant to Dawntrail??” because none of it made sense to me.

One of the issues I had with STB for a long time was Lyse. Don’t worry, I’ve come around on her, but it took a while. The biggest issue I had was that the devs tried to take an existing character and turn her into something other than what we knew, and it threw me entirely. I think they learned the lesson from that, which is why the focus is on Wuk Lamat, a new character, and on Krile, an older character we know so that we feel more invested in what is to come.

Another aspect of STB that kind of threw me off was…how little focus it got after the HW story ended? Like we get two patches worth fo story to lead into it, and I 100% think the Ga Bu stuff is important, and obviously the Warriors of Darkness story is important to set up part of SHB, but…everything to set up STB felt…not there? And we meet Lyse properly during 3.55/3.56, just like Wuk Lamat. We don’t have time to get to know her as this new person before we’re dropped into STB proper. And that didn’t help me when it came to bonding with Lyse--it took until the Lakshmi trial before I realized how I was supposed to feel about her my second time playing through Stormblood.

Wuk Lamat won me over really fast, thankfully--she has a certain kind of charm to her that endeared me to her pretty quickly (she’s very Sora from Kingdom Hearts coded in my eyes), and I was quietly interested to see what would happen with her character arc going forward. To be frank, I was more excited about how much better my character looked in game than in the updated benchmark than what little of the story we knew! I also was more invested in Krile than anything else story-wise; she’s always been a low key fave of the Scions for me so it’s nice to see her be much more involved in MSQ this time around.

But then we hit the first city and actually got into the story. Tulliyollal is such a lovely city, and its inn room was the first to make me go “wow” since the Pendants (since the Baldesion Annex was fun but still feels way too cluttered for me). I loved meeting Gulool Ja Ja, and his vibe as a character was excellent. I was surprised by what the rite of succession was shaping up to be, but once you see the Saga monuments and hear the story behind them it pretty quickly clicks as to what the Dawnservant wants the claimants to the throne to learn about during the rite. That was when I rsaw the mentor-type role my character would play, and once I knew what role the WOL plays for Wuk Lamat and in at least the start of Dawntrail’s story, I was in. I was determined to embrace that role in a way I had issues doing when I played through STB initially for Lyse.

One other thing: I was super surprised by Zoraal Ja being the one Wuk Lamat was prioritizing as a threat, and that he was the one who couldn’t be allowed to be Dawnservant. I guess I’d been anticipating the aloof/stern but decent older brother from him based on what I assumed was one of his lines in the launch trailer, so that was a fun surprise.

Zones 1 and 2, first visit

Urqopacha absolutely blows Kozama’uka out of the water for me, but I think both zones do a pretty good job with their first of two feats.

I started with Kozama’uka. The HanuHanu felt straightforward enough, and their feat set Koana up really nicely for what exactly his views are. I was glad to hear that he and Wuk Lamat were on friendly terms right before we left Tulliyollal to start the rite. One of my first thoughts when seeing how he and Wuk Lamat both handled the feat was, “He’s not going to win the rite, but I want him to either be advisor to his sister or for her to invite him to rule together.”

Bakool Ja Ja was fine as the zone’s antagonist, the writers did a good job of setting up his rivalry with Wuk Lamat in the intro so I wasn’t surprised by him trying to cheat his way through things. Wuk Evu was also…um. Not my favorite. I wasn’t super into the “behead me for being rude to the Third Promise” joke being reused over and over and over again…but maybe that’s just me.

As I said, Urqopacha was by far my favorite intro zone for the views, the music, and the overall aetshetic. I really love FF10, so getting to spend so much time with the Pelupelu was excellent. I also loved the zone music and this part really was what got me hooked on this expansion. Working with Mablu to make trades for the saddle was such a great showcase of what exactly the player character is to Wuk Lamat, and really solidified how much I enjoyed her. She is SUCH an orange cat (meaning she is “no thoughts, head empty” in a lot of ways but also just impulsive and can be unpredictable) and I mean that in a very kind way.

This was also where we got to see so much more of what Zoraal Ja’s whole deal was, and once I spent more time hearing him speak I totally understood why Wuk Lamat didn’t want him to be Dawnservant. Also, Mablu is the best and my roommate/best friend who is the biggest FF10/FF10-2 fan I know cried when she saw Tobli (since he’s from 10-2 himself) and the music is so good. So yeah, 10/10 zone.

Zones 1 and 2, second visit, and First Trial

Jumping ahead a teeny bit (since you go back to the capital between these visits). I liked this second set of feats overall! It felt like we were finally making some good progress with Krile’s goals to find out more about the city of gold in addition to moving forward with the rite. I also liked jumping right back into zones we’d already seen instead of waiting for 5+ levels to go back.

I liked how the Moblin feat incorporated the Elezen goldsmith from the boat, and seeing once again just how charismatic and magnetic a personality Wuk Lamat is. Her ability to show so much empathy for people is absolutely her biggest strength, and her desire to understand things--something those helping her with the rite have helped her discover--really start to shine, at least for me. That’s what makes her such a great fit for Dawnservant.

Koana also really was a star in this zone, and I really adore his character archetype and the love he so clearly has for his sister. Working together to rescue Wuk Lamat after Bakool Ja Ja snatches her was a nice change of pace from what we’d had so far from the rite, and that was when my initial impression of what would happen with Koana gained a bit more strength behind it. I was about 90% certain at this point that he wouldn’t win, but would stay at Wuk Lamat’s side to help guide her when she needed it.

I LOVED seeing the Yok Huy and honestly just getting to go back to Urqopacha was a delight. It felt like SO much progress was being made for both the rite and Krile’s goals, and the dungeon was excellent. No notes.

As a quick aside, though, I loved that we got to hear the Yok Huy’s take on death--that those who have died will always live in our memory, and so long as that memory remains, they are not truly gone. I loved this because it fits so well with the lore I have for Rowan regarding the way the Echo manifests for him, and how he cherishes the memories of people he’s lost but has come to move on with his own life. It just…is a very good thing to nail home some of FF14’s broader conversations about remembering and honoring the past, but still turning your focus to the future.

I have gripes with the Valigarmanda trial (I wiped twice on Duty Support :( ) but I appreciated that Wuk Lamat, Koana, and Zoraal Ja ALL came together for the good of their nation. I also liked that Zoraal Ja was cooperating because people dying because Valigarmanda would be bad for his own goals in the end if he won the rite, and also it’s good to see more of him before Things Happen (™).

Zone 3

Basically from here on out I loved every zone.

As a person who loves food and specifically enjoys making food for others, the feat in Iq Braax was a delight. Given that we find out the clan’s leader is Wuk Lamat’s father, it is VERY fitting that the people of the village are much more on the nose about not directly helping the team-up between Wuk Lamat and Koana. In addition, the cooperation between the Second and Third Promises was very clearly there to show 1. how well they work together and 2. what it is that Koana still has to learn, which he very much does by the end of the zone.

I’ve seen in the Disc Horse (™) around DT that Bakool Ja Ja turn in the second half of the zone was weird, but I don’t think it was, not really. By the end of the instanced duty after the X’braal feat, he’s a humiliated mess. Seeing the added context for why the Mamool Ja are the way that they are in the second half of the zone and learning the true cost of the blessed siblings among them, you actually have a reason to offer empathy to a person whose whole life has probably not been great. Wuk Lamat putting aside her anger with Bakool Ja Ja to truly help his people is yet more proof of the things that truly make her a good leader and why she really is the best choice to be Gulool Ja Ja’s heir.

The end of Koana’s arc here is excellent. Wuk Lamat reaching out to him when she needs help finding a way for the Mamool Ja to find ways to thrive outside of the blessed siblings--knowing that he can succeed in an area that is not her forte--is yet MORE proof of her ability to see the best in others and understand their worth. And Koana is genuinely a great brother and partner to work with for her, as his generally calm demeanor evens out her boisterousness very well. The instanced fight against the shade of their father where both groups come together was EXCELLENT.

The end of the Skydeep Cenote and actually finding the city of gold is such a good way to close out the first half of the expansion. We’re left on more intrigue for what is to come in the second half of the expansion, and this was when I got the deep sense of “Okay. But when is the other shoe gonna drop”.

Midpoint, and thoughts on the first half of the expansion

I was so happy with Wuk Lamat’s coronation, and how she outright asked Koana to join her on the throne. Finding a way to truly be their father’s successors by embodying both reason and resolve works out so well in Tural’s favor in the end.

I think the only somewhat negative thing I can say here is that…I was totally thrown by the song that played when the stone monument was revealed, haha. The song is fine on its own, but it was SO weird for me to hear that it did actually kinda take me out of it. But otherwise this turning point for the latter half of the expansion was good. I wasn’t sure how to feel about MSQ going forward, though, because I was like “Wait, where’s the rest of it?”

In terms of my overall thoughts on the first half of this expansion… It’s very good as a way to decompress following the end of the Hydaelyn and Zodiark saga that ended in 6.0, and even a good way to relax after everything that happens with Zero and the void.

I know there’s a ton of Disc Horse (™) around this expansion, particularly about Wuk Lamat and the rite and how “slow” the first part is. I have two things that come to mind about it all: this isn’t the Shadowbringers or Endwalker of this next story arc. This is the Realm Reborn to the next arc. Things are definitely going to be a bit slow.

In addition…the WOL may not be the protagonist of this particular part of the story, but that doesn’t mean the first half and dealing with the rite is worthless? The WOL knows by now that they were Azem, the Traveler. Remember, the Traveler part of that convocation title? My BFF/roommate Sarria put it best:

“DT really feels like it's back to our "roots" and I mean like AZEM roots. Being The Traveler, visiting new places and meeting new people and learning about places outside of our known bubble. Listening to people's stories and desires and then being asked to help specifically *because* we listened to and learned from the locals. And I for one really really am loving it. The story doesn't have to be about us - just being there means we have a role. (Also the first half of DT isn't supposed to be about us anyway.)”

I find it so funny that people have such a problem with it--and I won’t lie, I do agree that some of it had slow pacing. But like…I don’t know, this really feels in line for what Azem would do. We are Azem now, we have the crystal and everything. We’re not known in this continent because it’s only been 70 years since the world we know made contact with it--to the point of the guy credited with discovering this “New World” IS STILL ALIVE. There is ample reason why your character is not the focus of the first half of the expansion, and it’s so disheartening to see people just…not get that?

It could be that my overall excitement to explore the new zones laid out before us led me to be much more forgiving of this section, but getting to know the people of Yok Tural was such a treat. I can’t wait for NG+ to come around for 7.0 so I get to explore all of this again.

Okay, back to going zone by zone.

Zone 4, part 1

So as someone who knows the Southwest US fairly well this zone was excellent, I loved the vibes. The overworld music is great.

I will say outright here that I’ve kind of been an Erenville disliker since his introduction in EW. He’s been overhyped for a character who up to DT basically had no personality in my eyes, so I was apprehensive about how this zone would go with him as our only companion. But, credit where it’s due, the writers actually got me to come around on him a little with the background we finally get for him. Not entirely, I still have issues with him, but he’s now more well-rounded.

Seeing the railyard workers actually made me cry, specifically seeing Not!Magnus’ wife. I’m so glad that 1: they were included and 2: explicitly shown to be the exact same as the people we know from the first. My roommate Sarria and I joked several times that this was SHB/Trolleys 2 and it was such a delight getting to laugh about it.

The end point for this visit to the zone was excellent. The dread had been building for me the whole time, knowing that something was around the corner, but no idea what. So the dome appearing and then the aftermath in Tulliyollal was anticipated, but about as brutal as I was expecting.

Tulliyollal revisit and Zone 4, part 2

The destruction of Tulliyollal and trying to aid those we could was done well, to me anyway. The devs handled that sort of thing pretty well in EW, so was glad to see it done again just as well.

Then comes the “cat”valry as I’d like to call it. Honestly, the moment I heard G’raha’s voice and heard Eternal Wind, it was like I could finally breathe. I think that’s the point of him and Y’shtola showing up to give you help for the rest of the expansion--they give a sense of release to all the tension and anxiety players might feel after the attack on Tulliyollal. A mini version of what the low-stakes rite of succession is to the story overall. You have to have a release for tension before building it up again, because building tension with no release just doesn’t work.

The truth of what the golden door is threw me for a loop, because I was NOT expecting it. I imagine it’s what people felt when the SHB launch trailer dropped and the truth about Hydaelyn and Zodiark was given--you’re so shocked that it’s a bit much to process. But I liked the revelations about the golden city and Krile and everything.

The revisit to Shaaloani was a delight, and deciding to blow up the train was exactly the kind of crazy I’d expect from the Source version of the trolley guys from Twine. The song that played during the coronation came back and it felt just as cheesy as before, but I think I’d accepted it by this point? I just let it happen even though it doesn’t really work for me.

And the Vanguard dungeon is SO good. I loved the music--honestly Soken popped off this expansion for the most part.

Zone 5/Second Trial

So I love the aesthetic of this zone in general--thank you for giving us FF10’s Thunder Plains properly this time!!!--but there was a zone where I ever felt like the story was loosing me, it was this one. I wasn’t sure what to make of the time bubble nor the regulators, so it took some time for Heritage Found to find its footing for me.

Sphene also was slightly unsettling, in a way? It was hard to put my finger on whether she was sympathetic or playing you, which I guess is the point.

Solution Nine kind of just…added to my sense of confusion. I was a bit lost on it all, and trying to wrap my head around it. It is also way to big and spread out for my tastes…but oh well.

With all the talk of souls, though, I finally understood why all the Void stuff with Zero in the 6.X patches was actually good to spend so much time with, since it was basically a primer for ALL of this stuff in the latter half of DT. So once NG+ is here for Dawntrail, I may actually start with 6.1 and see how it all flows together.

What finally got me back on loving the plot again was seeing baby Gulool Ja and Otis in the other half of the map, where the ruins of Alexandria are. I haven’t even played FF9 myself, only watched a very abridged playthrough, but the way I instantly knew who Otis was a stand in for made me feel so warm and comforted. Steiner is just so goofy and endearing, and Otis is exactly like him.

Was not surprised by Zoraal Ja making his move, but the cutscene for the defense of Tulliyollal was very good. I was surprised by Sphene both in and out of Solution Nine for that instanced duty, and I think here is where I really started to see the parallels between what I know of FF9 and DT. Sphene is Wuk Lamat’s mirror, at least in a way--loving and compassionate and charismatic (because I’d come to like her quite a bit by the point she outright says she was playing you). She exemplifies the extreme end of Wuk Lamat’s desire for peace, and the need to protect and preserve her people.

The fight against Zoraal Ja is a satisfying one. I am not the person to ask to talk about fight design or anything so will leave that to others. But I thought it was good.

Also liked the revelations after the trial, where Sphene turns on you for real. It did feel like downing Vauthry just to have Emet steal the Exarch again, though maybe not in the same way. Similar dramatic stakes, I guess I’m trying to say.

Zone 6, and the Finale

This zone will always have an interesting flavor to it for me, since I use the Living Memory title for personal WOL lore reasons. But the zone is, I think, such an excellent one for what the expansion as a whole is trying to say.

As I mentioned at the beginning, despite its cheerful colors and friendly looking character design, FF9 is a darker story. It deals with death and the existential. The perfect word to sum up FF9, from what I know, is bittersweet. And I think this zone--and in a way both zones and the city that comprise Alexandria--PERFECTLY handles that bittersweet feeling.

The weather is Reminiscence, bathing everything in this beautiful golden color. It’s full of areas referencing FF9--I recognized Alexandria and the Iifa Tree, but each zone is a call back to 9. The music is this soft, comforting piece that just triggered my nostalgia for a game I haven’t even played. Seeing Otis in his prime again, the tour of the Gardens with Cachuia, letting Krile meet her parents and learn her real name--it’s all so bittersweet.

Every time you turn off a terminal, you get that message of how nothing will go back to what it was. And the part of Living Memory that you shut down is then forever less colorful and lively, and there’s no music (at least when you’re there during this part of MSQ). You’re left with silence. We can always remember it like it was before (or use NG+ to bring it back if you were a dummy like me and didn't gpose there before it went away), but it won't ever be the same now.

I took my time in Living Memory before moving from area to area, and did all aether currents and quests as I could/they became available which only happened AFTER the zone was gone for the quests. So I was doing all this in silence. Left alone with my thoughts on it all and trying to understand what the point was.

Sphene is clinging so much to that nostalgia for a time gone by because of her programming, and it’s sad to have to end it. But to me, she is eerily similar to Emet-Selch: she was clinging to the memory of the dead, desperate to bring them back and keep them alive. But in the end, it was only an imitation that would lead to untold amounts of suffering to others.

All of Living Memory reminded me so much of Amaurot. Sphene letting the Endless explore as they pleased was I think a much kinder version of Emet's magic working on Amaurot, but I couldn't help but see the similarity there.

I did cry in this zone, during G’raha’s talk with the player in the gondola and all the interactions Krile had with her parents. And it’s just…sad. You might feel awful about destroying the Endless once you understand them and their ways, but in the end…they’re only memories of people who died long ago. Their lives continuing are coming at the cost of the future for everyone on the Source and the reflections. It just can’t be sustained as Sphene’s realm continues to grow and more and more is needed to keep things running.

Sphene wanted the best for her people, going as far as she did for them. And I like that she is clearly kind but does a lot of bad things out of love for her people, and the desire to preserve them. But in the end, she had to accept why death is an important part of life.

I loved the Alexandria dungeon, and the trial was excellent. I will say that the intermission was maybe a bit long, but I still liked it tremendously. I’m excited to see what the relic has in store for us, and where the new arc of the story will take us.

Overall thoughts

DT has two very distinct sections, and there are parts I think could be refined to maybe make things go smoother overall, but honestly? I am totally willing to overlook those things because I enjoyed myself as much as I did.

DT, to me, managed to deliver on the summer vacation aspect that was so heavily advertised while also keeping with FF14’s larger ideas about hope persisting in even the hardest of times, and why the connections between people are so important. It also continues to show why it is not just important but also good to remember the past fondly, but it is just as important to keep moving forward in the best interests of all people.

I said it in the part about Living Memory and the finale for DT, but Sphene is very similar to Emet-Selch, and while some of the Heritage Found stuff lost me for a bit, the story did hit its mark where it needed to. The ending zone was not what the Tempest or Ultima Thule were, and I’m glad that it’s not. I’m sad that I’ll have to replay on an alt or when we get DT NG+ to take the pictures I wanted there, but that’s the point. You’re supposed to feel a longing for something that you can never truly get back, and that’s one of the best parts about it. You’re left with this bittersweet feeling as you let go of the past, and these people who are long gone.

DT drove home Venat’s point from EW even more for me. To use Ardbert’s words from SHB, “Joy and sorrow walk hand in hand.” There is joy and sorrow all over the place in Tural’s story and in its peoples, and I loved how every minute went even if sometimes it did feel a bit slow. But not everything needs to be so fast paced, either.

And even in the slower-paced parts, the WOL is really embodying the adventurer spirit we’ve returned to. We’re embracing our Azem roots, and travelling to new lands and meeting new people and coming to enjoy their cultures and presence. That sort of thing is what Venat, the previous Azem, loved so much about the world. And getting to understand her sentiments a bit more was excellent.

All in all, while DT has its faults, I 100% think this a great expansion. I’m excited again to see what is to come from this story, when I was apprehensive at best after 6.X patch story.

[potential-fate]

I sorta loathe the ts2 fat morph....

which has apparently become a project of it's own.

so I mentioned this vaguely somewhere, but thought I should make a generalize post about it. Mainly cause it'll probably affect any cc I make in the future so... there's that.

Anyway.... because I've spent the last few months sorta adding fat morphs to some of my really old clothing, I quickly realized that I didn't have to deal with EA's "fat" morph. There is literally nothing stopping me from just... making it look better/how I want it to.

Anyways, long story short, I'm picky. There are a decent amount of nice bodyshapes out there, and while I like them, I don't like having multiples of the same outfit (it's the same reason I ended up going with Sunshine hair.) I like sticking to the game's original setup, which in the case of fit states, is unfortunately limited.

I also spend most of my time posing and doing story posts, so I'm not a fan of the much larger bodyshapes, even though I love them in theory.... because they clip a ton, and make more work for me later. So I wanted something that I liked 🤔 but also didn't fuck with the in-game animations too much.

Also, I just sorta like the pear-shaped chunky body type (it's not at all cause it resembles mine lmao nope.... not at all.)

anyways, idk if anyone is even still reading this, but uh... yeah.

I guess this is me, introducing the "sorta chunky, sorta pear-shaped, 'still not really a fat morph' in my opinion because game limitations" bodyshape/fatmorph? (Or, in short cause filename size 'pfate pearshape'.)

At least as an idea. idk if anyone is at all interested in this. but if they are, I can share whatever people want about it/resources for it? idk it's not like I have WSOs cause I honestly don't know how to use them let alone make them. I tend to just make my morphs by hand.

But on a technical note, I think I have most of the Digi Marvine feet naked meshes defaults changed to this, and some other stuff too. mainly Club Crimson stuff, because frankly, I'm still using the files I had from 2012 so none of them had morphs at all (though I'm sure someone somewhere HAS added morphs to them.)

[[ TL;DR is this: I felt like I needed to make a post about it, cause some of the stuff I'm gonna be sharing coming up has fat-morphs based on this. things like defaults that either didn't have morphs so I added them, or they had morphs but I edited them anyways because I was defaulting them with specific sims in mind (like Jorah, Alex or Ginevra) and I wanted a post that I could link back to for reference on those posts. ]]

in any case, if I make a default and change the morphs from ones that already exist, and you WANT the defaults with the original morphs, that's very easy to switch out and I will gladly do it if you ask lol. otherwise I'll probably edit things as I see fit since uhm. well I make cc 99.9% for myself 😂😅

Other age turnarounds under the cut, cause this is too long already.

EU Bodies (Left: Maxis Standard/thin, right: Pfate-Pearmorphs)

TU Bodies (Left: Maxis Standard/Thin, right: Pfate-Pearmorphs)

CU Body (Left: Maxis Standard/Thin, right: Pfate-Pearmorphs)

CU body changed the least from the original fat-morph, then the elder femme frame, I would say? cause the elder frame already had a sort of pear shape (that sorta inspired the other femme ages.) the others are varying degrees of change, with AM being the strongest change by far.

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Hello, hi!! I saw your match ups were open, which is really cool!! I was hoping for a maze runner match up?

You can call me Mylo or Comet and I’m transmasc, my pronouns are they/he! I’m 16, ~5’10, and I have long (I want to cut it!!) brown sorta curly hair! I’m bi but have a preference for masculine presenting people!

Some things about me are that I really want to dye my hair different colors, probably purple as the first color but the only colors I don’t want are yellow blond or orange! I really really love art, all kinds but I’m best at digital, pencil, water color, and sometimes animating. Funny enough I do kinda suck at painting (I’m working to get better)! I really love my family and I have 3 brothers, two younger and one older! I have a really big age gap with my younger brothers so I take care of them a lot, and I’m kinda good with kids because of it. I love my mom so much and I’m really close with her! I love listening to music, I write poetry sometimes, I suck at sports so much, I make jewelry for my friends and me, I love swimming and tubing and being around boats and docks, I really annoy connecting with people and having meaningful deep conversations, I used to love reading so I’m trying to get back into that, I enjoy baking too and sometimes going on hikes.

When I first meet someone I can be a little shy or reserved but I come out of my shell quickly if I’m comfortable. I care really deeply about my friends and I think they would describe me as someone who always tries to help out or doesn’t know how to relax sometimes, I can be pretty stubborn, I have anger issues but I’m working on them and I’ve never dealt with them full force at anyone, I’m protective of the people I care about but if they don’t need me I trust them to take care of themselves. I can get excited really easily and I’m positive when around other people, but if I get stuck in my head when I’m alone I can get into a pretty bad headspace. I always try to make people laugh and let them know I care about them (usually I don’t say anything out loud) by spending time with them, or getting them something.

Some random silly fun facts

I verbally stim so sometimes I’ll just repeat what someone says or something that gets stuck in my head

I’ve broken 2 bones. My arm when I was about 9 and a couple years later my pinkie. I’ve also broken my nose by running full speed into a pole (long and embarrassing story)

I was really clumsy as a kid and still kinda are as per my last fun fact

I love sweaters and I get cold super easily

I have a lot of moles and I have a couple on one part of my arm that looks like a constellation

I have this joke with flamingos that my friends and family know about so I have a ton of flamingo stuff lol

I love stuffed animals and blankets

I really enjoy writing and English class

I HATE being bored

I wear glasses and a high prescription I am very blind

And yeahhhh that’s uh a lot of stuff about me :) I hope that was enough and I wish you a lovely lovely day!!

hey, so sorry, i completely forgot about this for so long! i never got around to finishing it and i won't either, i think, but i do hope you can enjoy the first third of what was supposed to be a full love story

I ship you with...

Newt!!!

When you come up the box, there's already many other boys living their life as best as they can in the glade. You don't have to go through any of what Minho or Newt went through, you just have to deal with the fact that all you can remember about yourself is your name and that you'll be stuck for an undefined amount of time in this hellhole of a place, which, you know, is already bad enough. So you're understandably freaked out for the first few days and even quieter than you usually are. Out of all the boys, Newt is the one who helps you out of that state of mind the most.

You spend most of day one to three in the Med Jack's hut because you hit your head pretty badly in the box, but Newt shows you around and explains everything, slowly and delibaretly, and he even makes you smile once or twice. It's where your friendship begins.

You start helping out Frypan in the kitchen on your fourth day there because Alby thinks working will help you manage your situation better. And truly, you do a good job. You find out you enjoy baking, then you find out you're actually really good at it too, and from then on Frypan puts you on bread duty. You help him chop and cube and stir as well, of course, but mostly Frypan lets you bake to your heart's content.

Newt visits you from time to time. He comes in with a smile and waits for you to dust off your hands and nods at Frypan to let you go for five minutes, to check on you and how you're handling your new home. It's a lot to take in, after all. But you're getting better, you're doing better with Frypan around and the work you're doing, with all the people you're getting to know and the distractions.

Maybe a week and a half in, you're starting to settle. It's all beginning to come together as a routine. But then you drop your knife, try to pick it up and slice across your hand and somehow, your temper gets the better of you. Frypan can't calm you down and before he can go and get Alby (who he's not that sure could calm you down either), Newt appears in the doorway and rushes to your side and from then on, whenever you're struggling with your anger, he's the one you go to.

He keeps visiting you regularly (even when he shouldn't) and after a while, he starts bringing you flowers.

just imagine a happy ever after! 😂😂

[panicismydefaultstate]

A little more context:

I wanna see the Barbie movie, and at first I was enjoying the promo of the Barbie Fits and the set etc, however the more brand collabs that come out the more icky it makes me feel. I just know that so many of the clothes and random objects made for the promo will be thrown out once the novelty/tread ends, and it will contribute significantly to the wider problem of over consumption and capitalism in our society. Fast fashion is bad enough, and it’s worse when it’s endorsed like this like our planet is literally dying!

As an artist, I also just hate to see capitalism existing so blatantly with projects. (I get that Barbie is literally a commercial franchise and stuff, I just think it’s a great relèvent example for my feelings). I think when a project focuses so much on encouraging spending and consumption, it can impact how I view the work.

For example, I dislike a lot of Jukebox musicals because they just feel like an excuse to try and make a shit ton of money with a project of limited artistic intention/integrity, and it just becomes a spectacle of wealth and capitalism in full force. Capitalism is antithetical to the Arts, and so when a project goes all in on it- it feels yucky to me.

Want to again clarify: NO HATE TO THE BARBIE MOVIE OR PEOPLE EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! I am genuinely happy for you guys, I just think it’s a timely example to express some wider opinions I hold! Please don’t take it personally!

[jung-koook]

Maybe this is cultural, but, if you work and it’s your money, why is your dad controlling it? I would rather spend the money I have creating a memory that I’ll get to look back on later in life than to just save save save because you can’t take it with you, on your deathbed none of that money will mean anything, but the memories you created? They will last forever. I live with my parents too, but if I work and make my own money I can plan for the future while also enjoying life here and there, and I’m not using their money for anything “superficial”, I’m not materialistic, I don’t buy a lot of things, but I want to have some memories to look back on because what else can I have? I agree that buying a ton of stuff can be reckless if you’re not careful, but one photocard isn’t gonna bankrupt you, one photocard isn’t going to destroy your future. I don’t know how old you are, but I can assure you, life is so much better when you stand up for yourself and become emotionally independent from your parents. Don’t let anybody talk you down from creating memories and doing things you enjoy, specially with your own money.

I know that but my dad just love giving people advice. she didn't care what he said. like I said, it's her money. my dad has this thing of wanting to take care over certain things. but he sees it as a way of taking care of us. but for example, he doesn't ask us to help around the house with money. he really lets us adults live there without having to help because he doesn't need it. the country we live is a very expensive country to live in, so he really wants to take care of these things. but that doesn't mean I follow it. I think you can see here lmao I'm always buying online concerts, docu, bangtan albums, magazines. I bought indigo vinyl even though I don't have anywhere to play it. I bought it because it's just too beautiful. but I'm a person who lives more in the present and but my dad is someone who lives thinking more about the future, that's why I let him take care of my money. I spend a lot of money on skincare and bangtan stuff without feeling guilty because they are things that make me happy, things that I enjoy. what I wanted to say there is that because my dad is like that I am a person who thinks more about where I am going to spend my money. but I personally don't judge anyone by where they spend their money. i want everyone to enjoy their life as they want.

[mayalaen]

i’m sorry for pushing you guys away

My family has had A LOT of counseling over the years, but I’ve had very little because counselors don’t seem to know what to do with schizophrenics and they end up doing weird shit to me.

Recently my brain has decided that the childhood experiences I thought weren’t a big deal were actually pretty traumatic, and my brain wouldn’t let me stuff it down anymore. Damn, but I was so good at stuffing that I didn’t even realize I had anger issues!

Apparently I have A SHIT-TON of anger issues 😲

However, in the process of going through counseling, my mom and I finally have a second label for the 4 bipolar people in my family who have caused me the most trauma.

They’re not JUST bipolar. They’re also Malignant Narcissists. Surprise! (Generations of abuse+substance use+mental issues breeds these fuckers if you didn’t know)

It’s kinda nice to have a label for them because now we can learn how better to deal with them, and the tips we’ve learned so far have worked GREAT!!

The BAD NEWS is that they’ve all carried a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder for years, so I assumed all the toxic manipulative shit was due to being bipolar. Because that’s what I was told! (I did think it was odd that most of their behavior wasn’t included on the symptoms of bipolar disorder lists on websites and in psych books)

Because of that, I’ve put distance between myself and bipolar people I start to become friends with as soon as I realize they’re bipolar or have mood issues.

The reason I’m posting about this here is because I’ve been pushing away some really great people who are simply bipolar, thinking they were just being nice to me until we got close and then they’d unleash the manipulative toxicity on me.

I can’t tell you how hurt and angry this it makes me that my family’s behavior fucked up my friendships, but I’m also thankful for the thick skin they’ve given me.

There’s a few people I could name, but I don’t want to out them if they haven’t told anyone else they’re bipolar, but if you see this and you’ve tried to be friends with me and you’re bipolar or even have the barest hints of mood swings, this is for you.

I AM SO SORRY 😭

I really liked being with you. You’re fun and easy to talk to. You’ve never actually hurt me, but I was protecting myself.

As you can imagine, this has been super upsetting, and it’s part of the reason I haven’t been around much.

I went through a grieving period for all the people I could’ve been friends with over the years and quite a number of fuckbuddies and even a couple relationships that could’ve been long-term.

It’s not completely my family’s fault -- counselors told us what they were and missed the malignant narcissism diagnosis -- but I’m in the anger stage of this whole process, and I’m really fucking mad and resentful. I haven’t even been able to look my father in the eye for months now.

Good thing he’s so narcissistic that he hasn’t noticed or cared otherwise I would’ve had to talk to him about it 🤣

One of the things I really enjoyed was watching movies online with friends, and something I’m really excited about is that I’ve created a Plex server with just over 2000 movies and almost 300 TV shows on it, closed captioning as well.

At my insistence, as a family we finally cut ties with cable TV and big ISP a few months ago, so we’re not spending ridiculous amounts of money with Cox. I put two months’ worth of Cox bills to good use with this server, and we’re all enjoying that and a few paid streaming apps.

Which means that I can easily set up and host movie nights for friends and share my libraries with friends 🥳

Of course with me being in the middle of selling the shop, I have no time to do this, but I have hope that I’ll be able to do this soon and play games again and try to rekindle friendships that I hopefully haven’t fucked up beyond repair.

If you’ve made it this far reading through all my rambling, thank you 💜

[whentherewerebicycles]

time to declutter my brain by making some LISTS!!!! 

time available to me in the immediate future:

had amazing weekend in pittsburgh! am flying home tonight so will have about 5-6 hours of airport and flight time where i can work on whatever

i have only one meeting & one tiny work task on the agenda for tomorrow so i will have that entire day

wednesday morning is packed with meetings but i’ll be finished by 12 and then will have the rest of the day to run errands, pack, and do other last-minute trip stuff

thursday morning will be a bit of a mad scramble but then i will have 10-11 hours of sustained work time on the plane to use however i want

things i need to get done: 

pre-trip errands. i ordered a shitload of travel clothes & other stuff that all arrived this weekend, so i need to try everything on, decide what i’m taking with me, and drop off all returns before i leave. i also need to buy dog food, water plants, and pay some medical bills.

campus visit. i’ve gotten too far in the weeds with all the prep work and research, which is fine, like i needed to do that reading and thinking, but also now it’s time to step back from it a little bit and start thinking about the pieces i’m going to pull out for the actual talk. the sooner i can get a detailed outline together the less stressed i’ll feel, so i think i may spend tonight’s plane ride outlining by hand (since writing things out instead of typing helps me organize my thinking more efficiently). i want to think about several possible configurations for that hour, and then i also want to create a to-do list so i have a clearer sense of the stuff i need to prep or script in the next couple weeks.

i know i am going to put a lot of pressure on myself to do this “perfectly” or whatever, but i want to try to gently push back against that impulse. i am so prepared for this interview. the presentation doesn’t have to convey absolutely everything because i will have the entire day to answer questions and bring up things i want to mention. my goal is to not get lost into the details but to keep my messaging simple, direct, and compelling. i also read a bunch of articles in the chronicle this morning about how hard it is for universities to recruit and retain talented admin staff right now, and that made me feel a bit better about going into the interview. interviews are two-way evaluations and if they are interested enough in me for this role to invite me to campus, they are also going to be feeling some pressure to make this a positive experience and to convince me that this is the place i want to be.

IUI planning. i test tomorrow but kind of have a gut feeling this cycle didn’t work! i know i’ll be disappointed if the test is negative but i also think i’m so busy with other stuff that i’ll move on pretty fast and be ready to try again. i just need to reach out to my doctor before my trip to see what she thinks about squeezing something in around the travel and the campus visit - the timing will get a little hairy so it might not be worth it to try this month. we’ll see! but i have to do that before i leave as i need to know if i should take the meds with me & i also will need to set up my sister with the info to call the donor bank for me.

fic comments. lol my goal for this last cycle was to do 14 comments in 14 days and i only managed to do 4!! i will cut myself some slack here as when i set the goal i didn’t know about the job interview yet and didn’t anticipate that other stuff would fill all that open time. but i might try to do a few more on the plane tonight - maybe i can get to 7 at least. 

okay! there’s a lot ahead of me but honestly i think i did a ton of good work in march and that has prepared me to roll into a very busy april in a reasonably calm state of mind. i can handle everything that lies ahead. and wow i’m about to have a very cool travel experience too!! and basically two full weeks where  don’t have to think about my current job for even a second! i know i’ll probably be tired at the end of the trip but i hope it’s also a good brain break for me.

[loudstan]

Yes, I am in the Southern Hemisphere, I am from the upper east coast of Australia (not near the point, but a bit down, closer to the middle than Sydney). And I am just starting up at orientation week. I had to go today to meet my professors, student advisor, get free food, and other freebies (y’know, free shitty quality pens are a must, free law society hoodies even though it’s summer, $2 lunch tickets (which I get double of because, 2 campuses) for the (overpriced) food court valid for first week of classes, I won free AirPods in a raffle, free drinks at the student bar (went to happy hour with people I met), and FREE FOOD). Need I say more about welcome week? I love it.

My Uni actually has two campuses, and one is in more of a regional suburb, and I study at both. Good thing is, is that my orientation tomorrow is at the secondary suburban campus (for my psychology component of my course, but i am thinking of changing over to creative writing if I dislike psychology), that is way bigger, so MORE FREE STUFF! You have no idea how quick my pay check goes these days :( and I know it’s because I have to re-apply for student concessions on my transport card, and still persist on going out with friends, even though i am broke. My coffee on campus was nearly $6… I just about cried, but you know what? It’s fine. Australian coffee is top tier, and Starbucks (by my standards) doesn’t cut it because it’s $13 (and mostly just ice, and very weak coffee) for the same drink I could get at an indie cafe for $7.50 (which is still steep, but managable).

Anywho, what do you study at Uni? Currently I am doing Law and Pyschology, but I kinda want to change to the fine arts creative writing course instead because I’m more interested in it. However, it’s just a whole… stress. So, if I dislike Pyschology that much then I’ll change over but for now I’ll stick with it. I’m not locked in, which is good. When I got in back in December after getting scores for my senior year, I wanted to do law at a different uni in the UK but I didn’t get in. So instead I made a snap decision to apply to the Laws and Psych course at my current uni, before I learned about the Laws and Creative writing course (which I only learnt about the day after I’d gotten and accepted my offer).

Also, since you’re going back from winter break does that mean you are in the northern hemisphere, like Canada, UK, Europe, and Asia? If so, where are you from? I’d love to know. Anyway! I hope you’re looking forward to going back.

– 🧚‍♀️

I’m glad you got tons of free food and met new people! And I know life as a broke student sucks 😭 I hope you can still hang our with friends without spending much and that your classes are fun!

To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable sharing what I’m studying or where I’m from yet, but I am currently in South Korea and I am actually exciting to go back to class!

[laminy]

Hallo, hope you had a good week and have a good weekend (which is right around the corner, thank fuck lol). Any plans for the upcoming weekend? 

I took quite the break from reading ITBASM since things were just so much, tons of stuff happened and life life-d hard on me and I didn’t want to read your fic with a half-on brain, or write to you a half-assed message about your lovely work, so I just took a break. But I’m getting back into it and I wanted to say how much I envy and enjoy your writing. 

I’ve never been a fan of writing that had giant paragraphs, the dialogue isn’t understandable or remotely realistic (sometimes that part doesn’t always bother me, just depends I guess lol), or that a storyline is written in a way that makes it sound like a poem every other paragraph. I got nothing against those sort of fics or writing styles, it’s just hard on my English 💀

I truly enjoy reading your stuff because the writing is so easy to understand but it’s not bland or boring, it has tons of intricate details without being all morsecode-y. And I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, the plot is just awesome and I will always love found family moments and everything. You pace your stories along nicely and I admire that tons (as someone who kinda sucks at pacing ‘cause I just want action)!

You might think I’m over exaggerating when I say this, but you’re a pretty big inspiration for me, I’ve been in a writing slump for a little bit and haven’t been able to write anything decent lately, but anytime in the past, and again now, you’ve talked about your work and I see how your work and stories progress, it really does motivate me to at least try to write, even if it’s ass 💀 Reading your stuff, especially reading ITBASM, gives me all the good vibes.

(Also, on another note, I read your play the game fic although I’m not sure if I mentioned that before (hopefully I’m not repeating myself 💀), but anyways, I also enjoyed that one tons, even though I’m not a huge baseball fan, and I don’t know much about how it works. I loved how their dynamics changed throughout the fic, starting off hating each other to a sort of “denial” type of feeling (maybe?? it’s been a little since I last read it), to lovers lol. It was a fun read!)

Anyways, that was just a small part of me ranting about how great of a writer you are, and trust me… I’ve seen tons of authors and fanfic writers who lack what you excel at. Also, how’s your original story going? I was thinking about it recently lol, popped into my head while doing some paperwork. Again, hope you’re doing good and take care this weekend!

Hello! always so lovely to see messages from you!

Yes, I have a four-day weekend, so I'll go to the cinema today and then tomorrow I'm going to visit a friend and spending the night at their house just to hang out. she has a two young kids and it takes me a two hours to get there so I only go a couple times a year.

You have no idea how kind and inspiring and lovely this is! I really, really, really appreciate it. Always write! Write anything! Write for yourself, that's the most important bit. I think you're awesome. And it means a lot that you would be so nice, thank you.

I am on the third draft of my original story. The second draft was a lot better than the first, for sure, but the third act really wasn't doing it for me, I hated it so much, story and pacing wise, so a lot of this draft is going to be quite different. But I'm hoping that by the end of this one, I'll have a story that only needs an edit, not one that needs another rewrite. I am simultaneously enjoying it while also being very tired of it.

I hope you're well, please have a good weekend and take care!!

[spectralinari]

I saw your messages - nothing that you said would make me more upset or mad at you from that - it is shedding a lot of light on things - I wanted to text you this but didn’t want to make you anxious so I’ll wait til you see this

I want to give you a full reply from the last few tumblr posts but going into the busiest 5 weeks of my life starting this weekend - just understand I am listening to you and agree we should spend some time apart but even at the end of our Memorial Day talk I said I was open to being around after a few months I just needed my own time to process and heal as well. It kills me to see you this upset and if you’re half as upset and depressed as I’ve been I know how hard it is.

Let me know you saw this and I’ll message you eventually when I get a second to spend my full bandwidth on this. It’s not because I don’t care it’s more because I care so much I want to make sure I’m focused and pick my words correctly.

If you’re truely sorry like you say

A lot of the other stuff I was super in the dark about and even asked her to be 100% honest with me so yeah that info takes me a lot to process and wasn’t explained like that at all - I’m glad you’re able to see my side but I am seeing your side more and more so thank you for that.

I have said things that hurt and I didn’t mean it and still been battling with myself everyday about you or someone new or no one at all. It’s a chaos storm in my head constantly about this. I don’t need therapy the better communication helps. I’ve been before for a ton of different and it doesn’t help with anything - you explaining this more does tho.

[flowergrownbeyondthestone]

So far most of the things I’ve written here were leaning towards being majorly positive and somewhat optimistic, but I think I’m going to ruin this trend today. Despite trying my best to preserve my energy and recharge yesterday, I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted today. Even before I got to work it felt like I had 0 energy available and yet I still had to get through the day somehow. That on its own is not great, but worse days happen. That aside, lately I’ve been wondering why after a long streak of feeling quite good while working 3 days suddenly my energy level seems to be worse again and even getting through these 3 days can be challenging. Today I realized that this is the time around which I started to actually go out and socialize more. Wow. Great. So apparently if I spend 4 days of my weekend primarily isolating myself I can function at work, but if I decide to do more then well… the good time ends there. Or well, I still have a good time while being around others and doing stuff, but I’m absolutely suffering at work. I basically cried like two times today already and I’m temporarily feeling like I’m less of a person. Working part time and still unable to have fun without paying for it later. Still having to plan everything around my energy levels, with no clear idea of what should happen in the future. I didn’t choose any of this, but right now it’s hard for me not to feel like I’m failing at life. I know it’s not really my fault and the circumstances in my life have been less than optimal for a long while, but… I so fucking badly wish I could just function on a normal level without a ton of consideration and pushing myself beyond my limits. There’s so much frustration coming up because I feel like I’ve had to deal with things on my own basically my whole life. Of course I had different people supporting me, but it should never be their burden to carry, unfortunately at some points it was. My family has never really shown up for me, not in an emotional and present way at least. It still fills me with so much sadness and anger, in a way I feel simply abandoned because even though I am an adult and technically don’t need them, don’t we all want to have someone that’s going to be there no matter what happens? Normally family is. But not mine. I have to carry my burden, their burden and at the same time somehow not feel like I’m falling apart. I can absolutely see a good life for myself, but not when I constantly need to worry about earning a living and somehow not becoming an isolated cave hermit. I just want a break. I didn’t even get to enjoy my childhood and now I feel like I’m drowning in adult responsibilities while only just learning who I am and what I need. I wish I had a place to go where I could just exist for a while without everything hanging above my head. It just really doesn’t feel like it’s an option though, I’m alone in the country, I have no alternative source of income, I have virtually no support in that way and my biggest problems are strictly connected to the practical life shit (aka money, energy and time). I need some changes but how the fuck do I figure out what my life should look like when I can’t even find a way to get advice from anyone and I sure as hell can’t always do everything alone. Especially not when it comes to such major decisions and not having anything to fall back on. I don’t know. I just want to be able to allow myself to be weak and tired when I need to. Meanwhile one day after getting out of psych ward and the worst mental breakdown of my life I was already back at work and pushing further, cause what the hell am I supposed to do? I hate that reality. I didn’t ask for any of this mess and now it’s all mine to deal with

(Update, an hour and a bunch of chips and tears later): I feel much better now, cheers

Not that the issues are solved buuut. I’LL LIVE

[somerunner]

Just thinking about rate-limiting steps

So a common chemistry term is the “rate-limiting step,” which refers to the part of a process that is slowest.*

I’ll refer to an example from baking because I don’t know any chemical processes. So imagine you want to make box brownies. You have to: 0, preheat the oven and make sure you have everything you need, 1, mix the dry ingredients, 2, mix the wet ingredients, 3, mix them all together, and 4, bake them. Mixing might not take all that long, but no matter how fast you mix it’ll still take 40 minutes to bake. If you have to make one batch of brownies, this will be the part that has the biggest impact on how fast you can cook. If you have to make a ton of brownies, then the rate-limiting step(s) will be the mixing part, because you can put multiple pans in the oven at a time (if you’re good at keeping track of which pan was put in first) but you can’t mix multiple bowls at a time.

Anyway, I was thinking about how that generalizes to a lot of things in life (it’s an imperfect analogy and I probably am coming across as pretentious in saying this. Apologies). Plenty of daily tasks take multiple steps, and depending on the context there can be a different rate-limiting step each time you do the task.

I spend…a lot of time on the Internet and social media. An unhealthy amount. The rate-limiting step on how much content I consume is however long it takes for me to read something and get some dopamine out of it. When it comes to following instructions, learning a necessary skill, or studying a subject, that is not the rate-limiting step. I can read fairly fast, so I *want* that to be my pace-setter. But instead, it’s how fast I can digest the information after I’ve read it. I need to learn to slow down, and actually finish the process of learning, because there’s a different rate-limiting step even though the task, reading, is still the same.

Was this a long-winded post about “we need to learn reading comprehension” and “slow down and stop going for quick dopamine hits like you do on social media”? Yeah. I meant for this to apply to other stuff I do but the post was getting long and I think this was the most relevant example from my life. Might reblog with a couple more examples.

*this is my definition as a layman, please correct me if this is too reductive and/or wrong