#i don’t remember the last time i felt true freeing happiness

[panclownrights]

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[brilium]

❥ K I N K T O B E R 2 0 2 3

Masterlist

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❥ DAY 9. Aphrodisiac! with Nanami Kento

Summary. Nanami has been dealing with a lot of stress at the office lately, and you decided to buy him a naturalist tea that it supposed to help with the stress relief. It seems to help with stress in a very particular way...

Content Warning. Fem! reader, no use of Y/N, all characters are adults, smut, vaginal sex, overstimulation, oral sex (m. receiving), breeding. No proof read, might edit later.

Word count. 2,203.

MINORS OR AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT !!

You bought a package of natural tea bags for stress relief. Was it suspicious? Not really. You expected them to work? Also no.

Actually, it seemed pretty normal; a simple box with small bags filled with the usual content.

You gave them to Kento when he drank in the morning before going to work. He seemed like usual; tired, with no energy and half asleep.

That was pretty much the reason why you bought them.

The tea was supposed to help him relieve stress relief, that’s why you give it to him before his stressful routine. You didn’t expect to be one of those teas.

“Fuck! S–Stay still dear!” Nanami groans, holding the headboard of the bed with one hand while the other keeps your waist firmly against the mattress as his hips slam aggressively against yours.

You look at your clothes spreader around the floor, you can't even remember when Nanami got you rid of them in the rush of kisses and make out that he put you through.

The lady at the shop gently helped you to look for a tea that would help with the stress that your husband has been having, since you’re a bit worried about his lack of words and how he skips dinner and goes to sleep. You should have suspected of her smile.

It was a damn aphrodisiac.

You cry in the pillow while he keeps thrusting with an animal fiercely, holding the sheets between your fists as his hip bone spanks against your red ass. Nanami groans fill the bedroom with the skin slapping sounds that drive you crazy.

"God— You feel so good today. I couldn't stop thinking at work about you, dear!"

And, that's fucking true, Nanami felt a weird wave of arousal as soon as he landed on his desk. Suddenly remembering how tight that shirt suited you today, he remembered how your nipples poked out softly through the fabric; and that leaded him to remember your bare body, your thighs squeezing at his sides every time he pounded on you and your sweet blush when you announced that you were about to cum—

God, he lied saying that he was sick because he needed to fuck you. It felt like ages since the last time.

When he arrived sooner, you were happy that, maybe, his boss gave him a free day. But as soon as he started kissing you as rubbing his hard erection against your stomach you knew that you’ll be the tired one today.

“P–Please! K–Kento—” You rest your cheek on the pillow to get some air, even if it’s hard to do it with his weight above yours, thrusting hard. “S–Slow down! Fuck!”

Nanami doesn’t seem to listen, actually, he does the opposite, getting a quicker peace that wins a loud scream from you. Your eyes half opened don’t let you focus clearly, although your complaints since you’re used to doing it more gently with him, you love how his tip hits constantly on your cervix like he wants to leave his mark inside you.

When you start whining against the pillow, drooling on it and starting to dig hardly your nails on your palm, you let out a small whimper of pain that startles your husband.

“D–Do you— Shit! Do you want me to stop?”

The thrusts slow down gently until stopping with some shaking from him, he doesn’t sounds like he wants to stop, even his voice shakes in need of more but his delicacy with you stays even though the way he acts right now melts a warm feeling on your chest.

You shake your head with weakness, tightening your core muscles to keep him inside. Nanami lets out a broken moan when you do it, grabbing both sides of your hips firmly and taking a deep breath.

He caresses your back from top to bottom, trying to control his need to keep slamming on you.

“This is because of that damn tea…” He scolds, going inside again more slowly even it’s a higher pain for his body needing to let out all that contained energy. "I can't even feel tiredness."

“I notice it,” You whimper, tasting how sweetly it feels his length entering again, you push your hips back a little for more and Nanami responds by unintentionally digging his nails on your skin. “Fuck— D–Don’t hold back, please...”

Nanami growls in response, he tries his best to go slow for you but even though he slowed down his thrusts, he makes sure to hit every time with enough energy to make your insides clench around his swollen dick.

You start to love this new side of him, letting out his desires to ruin you and take everything he wants. He's a gentleman, and that's perfect, but remembering that that gentleman is turning you into a mess growls a pool on your aching cunt.

When Nanami’s thrusts start to get faster and harder, you start to taste a sweet electric wave around your body as you keep hearing the headboard slamming on the wall.

“K–Kento! I’m… I’m close!” You scream, moaning his name against the sheets and grabbing them between your fists.

Nanami nods behind you, keeping his peace as he starts to feel how the knot on his stomach is about to release. He pulls you closer to him in a harsh movement and starts hitting harder, when you start crying in pleasure is when you feel a whole shiver growing along your body in the high of your orgasm. He keeps moving his hips in a messier way until he moans sharply as you feel a warmth filling your cunt.

You are breathless on the mattress as you feel the cum running down your thighs, thinking that your husband is in the same state but it takes you by surprise when he grabs you by the shoulder to make you lie on your back to look at him towering you in the bed.

He just came, a lot.

And he’s still fucking hard.

“B–But you just came!” You whine, feeling him rubbing his length along your sensitive folds. Making you roll your eyes at the sensation and having to bite your lip to not moan in response. "Kento—"

“P–Please… Fuck, you feel so warm” Nanami moans quietly between his teeths, putting his tip right on your entrance and you feel a cold chill running through your spine. “If you are still tight maybe I’ll cum sooner and the effect of the tea goes away.”

You know that he's inventing all that, you both don't know how long that effect is going to last but you’re not complaining when his tip opens your walls again.

Nanami starts to push and you throw your head back on the pillow with a pained moan, you are still really wet from the previous orgasm, but also damn sensitive. He hasn't even fully entered but yet it already has you breathing hard and biting your lip.

He grabs your thighs to spread them and has a good entrance to you when he starts stroking again, but it doesn't seem to be enough for him. Nanami does the opposite by lifting your calves to put them on his shoulders as he starts to hit again.

This new position lifts your hips a little more and gives him a good angle to hit on your cunt and turn you into a mess of moans, feeling him hitting on the cervix in such a delicious way.

His eyes travel down along your body from your parted lips crying his name; your tits being squeezed between one of your hands, trying to keep them both stimulated; and fuck, the nice view of your cunt squeezing on his fat cock around the white ring of cum around it.

You squirm on the mattress, feeling like a rag doll in the hold of his strong body.

"F–Fuck! Fuck!" You bring one of your hands between your legs to rub your swollen clit to get closer to the second orgasm. Nanami groans at the feeling of your folds hugging him tightly.

Nanami lets go of your thighs on your sides to bend closer to you, but his hips keep slamming on you like he's just started while you already started to feel your body getting sore.

You thought that he leaned closer to kiss you through the thrusts, but he stopped right in front of your breasts to start  sucking on your nipples and let them go with a "Pop!". When his hard thrusts make it hard for him to reach the nipple, he just chooses to suck on the soft skin of your breasts, leaving a dark red mark on there.

His tongue drills on the tip of your sensitive bud, biting it softly between his teeths to make your back arch for more. It's when in one of those movements that your vision goes blurry as your hands fly to his back and start to scratch it with your nails. 

"K–Kento! Yes, yes!" You roll your eyes, feeling his dick strokes on the right spot between your walls "Right there! Yes!" 

Nanami hugs you back to keep you steady as he keeps hitting, feeling your cunt tightening around him. You cry his name repeatedly against his shoulder as he thrusts while you ride the second orgasm.

You spasm under him, trembling and feeling small tears on the border of your eyes as he calms down above you. Even your walls clench around his length at the sound of his hard breathing beside your ear.

"D–Dear… I—"

You interrupt Nanami, pushing him softly to lie on his back beside you. He opens his eyes wide when you use the last remains of your strength to straddle I'm front of his swollen dick, holding the base of it with one hand as you get closer to it.

"Gosh! You gave me two sweet orgasms and you haven't even cum once…" A pout grows in your face, holding his cock to hit it softly on your cheek, loving the way Nanami’s body jumps slightly at the touch.

"Am I that bad in bed?" You continue, passing slowly your tongue flatly from his base to his tip to taste his precum combined with the last of your fluids. "Is that so, Kento? You want me to stop?"

Nanami shakes his head, bringing a hand to your cheek, caressing sweetly as he bites his lip to not scream at the way you tease him with soft licks along his member. 

"No… Don’t stop."

You smirk, licking his tip in circles with your tongue before sliding it between your lips and pull back. You enjoy his cries and pleas until you finally decide to take the most that you can, swallowing with your cheeks as he throws his head back with a growl.

It's been a while since you gave him a blow job, so you forgot how fat his cock felt inside your mouth, struggling to take it all as you jerk the rest with your hand as you lick his tip in circles before taking it all again.

But he squirms so nicely on the bed…

You laugh against his dick, sending vibrations that make him cry softly, you keep going slowly until his hands push you down to take more. You gag around him and he growls pleased, thrusting up to hit the back of your throat, making you cry softly as the sound of his guttural moans fill your ears.

"Yes, yes! You take me so well, dear!" It doesn't take longer until Nanami pulls your head back by tangling his fingers on your hair, leaving a thin thread of drool from his tip to your lip.

You look at Nanami trying to get up on his knees in front of you with your flushed cheeks and fucked out gaze. He pumps along his swollen dick in front of you a few strokes until he throws the thick lines of cum around all your face, falling down along your cheeks, mouth and some drips on your tits.

Nanami groans relieved and fall on his knees in the mattress, looking at you cleaning the rest with your thumb to suck it.

"Don’t do that, let me clean you."

"Why? Is it gross for you?" You ask, genuinely. Stopping to look around for the tissues, but Nanami’s head weight on your lap, his broken breathing hits on your thighs, giving you tickles. 

"No… I'll get hard again if I see you doing it. I still feel some dizziness from that stupid tea."

You giggle, playing with his hair with one hand as you clean the last remains with the back of your hand, waiting for cleaning it properly later.

"Don’t call it stupid! You seem less stressed, actually."

Nanami groans annoyed, slapping softly on your bare thigh.

"Maybe, but I'm stressed on what medical excuse I'll have to create for my work."

"Just tell them that something in the morning hurt your tummy."

Nanami hums in response, about to fall asleep on your thighs and you smirk before leaning closer to his ear.

"Since you’re not going back to work… Do you want another tea?"

[holylulusworld]

Breathlessness

Summary: Will your dream come true?

Summary: CEO!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Kink: Boss kink

Warnings: angst, Bucky being an awful boss (mentioned), enemies to lovers, tension, secret crush, hurt reader, drinking, flirting, making -out, a lil roughness, implied smut

Catch up here: Breathless & Take my breath away

Kinktober vs Flufftober 2024

“Doll, I think we should talk about a few things after we finished the hot dog…”

You wring your hands and look your boss in the eyes. “Now that I finished my hot dog, what did you want to talk about?” Nervously chewing on your lower lip, you try to tame your racing heart. Does he feel the pull you feel toward him too?

“The reason for this business trip was not the deal with Barton,” he explains. “My new partner needs an assistant for our branch in town. He asked me for a reliable assistant, and I suggested you.”

You blink a few times. “What? I…are you firing me?” You can’t believe after working hard for him for years that Bucky will fire you. “I don’t understand. Why would you do this to me?"

“No,” he shakes his head. “We didn’t get along well over the years. You’re a good assistant, but the chemistry is just wrong. You make me a bad person and a bad boss.”

Bucky destroys all of your hopes. It’s not his fault, though. He doesn’t know about your little daydreams or that the last days were special to you. It felt like there was more between the two of you than your job.

“Wow,” you sniffle. “That’s a first. No one ever told me that I make them a bad person.” You huff. “You know what? Fuck you! I quit and will take the job offer I got weeks ago! I hope you drown in your paperwork and shit.”

“Y/N, I made sure you’ll get a good job and better payment. Steve is a good man, a good boss too.” He tries to stop you and grabs your wrist. “Wait!”

“I swear,” you curl your upper lip and glare at him, “if you do not let go of my wrist, I’ll scream, and everyone will believe you’re a monster trying to hurt me.”

Bucky drops his hand from your wrist and steps back. “I didn’t want to hurt you. It’s just that we don’t work together well, and I tried to find a good job for you. It’s me, not you.”

“I call bullshit,” you scoff. “It’s me, not you,” you mimic. “Who says this anyway? You found a replacement in one of your one-nighters, and now you want to get rid of me.”

He cocks a brow at your outburst. Bucky believed that you'd be all over the moon hearing he found a better position for you and to get away from him.

“I’ll use the company card for the remaining days and fly back first class. The moment we land, we are done, Mr. Barnes. You will regret replacing me with your brainless Barbie dolls,” you snap at him before turning on your heels.

Bucky watches you storm off. He feels like you slapped him across the face. Your boss planned this surprise to make you happy, but now you’re angry and hurt.

“Another one,” you call for the bartender at the bar at your hotel. “My boss pays. Let’s make it hurt.” You huff, remembering all the things he said to you.

“A pretty lady like you shouldn’t drink alone,” one of the other guests moves closer, claiming one of the free seats next to you. He’s not bad to look at with his golden hair reaching his shoulders, his baby blue eyes, and a thick, but well-trimmed beard. “What are you doing here all alone?”

“Drinking,” you shrug. “I must fly back tomorrow, and then I’ll be unemployed and need to face my boss, who told me that I’m making him a bad person and an even worse boss.” You sniffle before downing the next drink.

“He’s a fool, if you ask me,” the stranger flashes you a stunning smile. “If you were working for me, I’d never let you go.”

“Good thing she’s not working for you, punk.” Bucky places his gloved hand on the man’s shoulder, squeezing hard. The man winces but tries not to show his pain. “If you’d excuse us now. I should have a serious conversation with my assistant.”

“Get fucked,” you growl and grab the next drink to throw it in Bucky’s face. “Remember, you wanted to sell me off to your buddy. I’m not your fucking assistant any longer.”

You hop off the bar stool and peck the stranger’s cheek. “Thanks for the nice chat. If not for my bad mood, I would ride the life out of you.”

Damn, you’ve never been so bold and forward before. But you must admit, you’re a little proud of yourself because Bucky’s jaw drops at your words.

“Anytime, pretty lady,” the stranger smirks. “Anytime…” He hands you his card before rising from his seat. He’s taller than Bucky and bulkier up close. “If you need a job, you can give me a call, too.”

You wink at him before running off, giggling like a schoolgirl because you feel giddy and scared at the same time because you just flirted with another man in front of your boss.

You’re dancing in your room, wearing nothing but the short nightie you bought in the hope of showing it to your boss.

After you entered your hotel room, you looked the stranger up on the internet. He’s an important man in the business world. Thor Odinson, CEO of Asgard Inc.

“If James Bastard Buchanan doesn’t appreciate me and my hard work,” you hiccup, “I’ll work for Mr. Big Blonde Hottie.”

Shaking your ass, you try to dance the day off. Not hours ago, you believed Bucky asked you to join him on the business trip to admit his feelings or make passionate love to you. Not to tell you that you bring out the worst in him.

The music suddenly stops. “What the fuck!”

“People are complaining about the fuss you make!” Bucky raises his voice. He looks you up and down before storming toward you to slam you into the wall behind you.

“HEY! Let go of me!” You wiggle in his iron grip. “Barnes! LET ME GO!”

“Only if you stop acting like a brat! I got a call. They told me that my guest was keeping everyone else awake." He’s in your face, breathing hard.

“I got every right to be angry and dance it off! My boss is an asshole.” You scoff as he looks hurt. “You could’ve at least let me fuck that hot beefy dude. I bet he got a big dick too.”

Bucky cocks a brow. “Do you honestly believe I’ll let my best assistant work for that punk? He wears out assistant after assistant. Odinson only uses women.”

That makes you snort. “As if you ever had a relationship lasting longer than a few weeks. You’re all the same. Fuck. Kick them out. Repeat. That’s what you all do. If you at least do a woman.”

You pout and look away.

“Oh…” Bucky hums. “You wanted me to do you?” He leans impossibly closer, forcing you to feel the heat coming out of his body and smell his cologne. “What do you think will happen if I get between those legs?”

“What—I,” you splutter, unsure how to answer.

“I’ll hurt you,” he dips his head to brush his nose along your neck. “I told you; you bring the bad guy out in me. If you let me have you, I’ll break you.”

You whimper at his promise. All you can do is press your legs together to ease the pulsing in your clit. He’s the personalized devil hiding behind blue eyes. How can he break your heart and come here, offering to give you what you’re craving?

“Do you want me to break you?” His teeth sink into your neck, making you cry out. “Please tell me you want me to break you. I can’t hold back much longer.”

Bucky doesn’t wait for an answer. He hoists you up and forces your legs around his waistline. Your boss grinds into you, making you keen as you can feel his erection against your bare cunt.

“I’ll break you,” he warns again, panting against you. “Don’t blame me if you end up with a broken heart.” His lips crash against yours to silence any protest. Bucky waited too long to let you slip through your fingers. His last resort was to let you go, but seeing you with Thor made him lose all control. “You’re mine.”

Breathless, you nod against his lips. You don’t fight him when you end up on the bed, nor when he rips your nightie off your body.

Tonight, you will give in to your needs and fulfill your deepest desires...

Tags in reblog.

[viennakarma]

hear me out... ending 3: secrets

she just doesn't tell him, publicise their divorce, she's disappeared off the face of the earth basically, she keeps the baby, it's a boy, looks just like him but they just never see each other again. Lewis is upset, can't cope, just keeps partying, drinking during off season, or just gym gym gym not even socialising as much, fashion declines like no longer going for all the cool different clothes and just comes in trousers and merc top.

But how does he find out? when?

Maybe she's just out living a normal life now but an old fan recognises her, she's with her brother and son, maybe they don't recognise the brother and they think she's got a new man and kid, she always wanted a kid and Lewis was never ready wanting to wait. maybe that photo gets released so lewis finds out that way. loads of rumours on twitter. maybe not directly, someone else could bring it up. Jealous then realises. He tries to contact her, doesnt work, blocked on everything. He remembers where her parents house is and visits them, eventually meets yn and their son. Then co-parenting. But like no friendly friendly just civil. She has the son, Lewis has him on free weeks. She does eventually move up cuz when her son is with lewis, she has free time for dates. Just a regular guy tho and it's all great and eventually lewis also tries moving on but like fr this time. so like eventually yn and her new bf move in together, live a happy faithful life and have another kid. while lewis maybe has just won his 8th (or 9th depending on time line) but it's not what he dreamed of, not having yn to celebrate with. But he's got his now long term gf and he proposes.

so basically to summarise, she is alone, single mom, gets exposed, Lewis finds her, civil co-parenting, yn gets a bf happy life, Lewis eventually gets a gf, happy without each other

This is a little blurb on how I imagine a third ending of Say Something would go:

You leave, right after finding out about the pregnancy, maybe somewhere far from England and Monaco. Lewis doesn’t deserve to reap what you saw after ruining your future. He doesn’t deserve you or your kid or to play happy family. You move away, maybe to a farm Australia, since you’ve always wanted a quiet life anyway. Your parents and brother accept moving in with you to help with the risky pregnancy. It’s tough, you can’t do much to risk your health and the baby’s. Soon you find out it’s a boy, you’re happy something good came out of a dumpster fire that was your relationship with him. Him, because you don’t say his name anymore, trying to leave his memory behind.

You baby boy is delivered in a difficult C-section, one your brother and parents never left your side and you felt less alone, not sharing the moment with the father of your kid. The day is happy and sunny, so you name him Helio, like the sun. Like the light in your life. You realize you’ll never fully leave his memory behind, his son being his spitting image. The same hair, the same complexion, the same nose, the same shiny brown eyes and chubby baby cheeks. And you love him so much it hurts. You realize you may have lost him, but Helio was pretty much his copy.

Following your baby’s firsts is the happiest you’ve ever felt. Saying ‘mama’ for the first time, taking his first steps, playing with animals and saying his first words. You settle in a happy routine as a single mom. After the pregnancy, your parents move back to England because they couldn’t just leave their house. Your brother stay with you and your sister move in too, after finishing college.

You try not to know about him. Last you had heard was during the pregnancy, hearing about endless parties, trips and models, that had taken a toll on you, in a way you decided to stop looking. He had a life and you had a completely different one now.

Helio goes to school, eventually. Despite feeling protective, you know you can’t deprive him of a true kindergarten experience, not only for studies, but also for his formative years and to become socially active. The first year, your sister, who has a volunteering job close to his school, is the one who picks Helio up everyday. He makes friends at school and even invite them for a birthday party at the farm. It’s one of the happiest moments for him, eating cake with friends and showing them his pets.

During his second year, though, your sister get a little sick, so she can’t pick Helio from school. And you decide to go, along with your brother. It’s a hot day, so you stop by a park to eat frozen yogurt and let Helio play a little while.

That day, someone recognised you and recorded you.

That’s how Lewis finds you. The video eventually find its way to him. The post has a silly caption ‘for everyone wondering what had happened to y/n, seems like she found a new man and started a family’. Lewis scoffs because he knows the man in the video is your brother and you are thick as thieves ever since you were kids.

You’re just as pretty as ever. Maybe a little more curvy, and hair longer, but just the same, still the most beautiful woman-

But then he pauses. He zooms in the video and see the toddler running up to you. The little boy, who makes your eyes light up as you hug him, sharing what looks like ice cream or something. And from what Lewis can imagine, the boy looks 4 or 5 years old. But there’s no denying, he looks exactly like Lewis as a baby, if he put a baby picture of him beside the boy in the video, it would be the same. It was a matter of time until some of his fans put two and two together.

That’s how Lewis ends up going to your parents’ house in England. He had gone there after the divorce, but the house was for rent and he couldn’t contact your parents of you, after cutting him off completely. Now, when he knocks, you mum is the one to open.

“Is he mine?” Is all he asks, breathing hard.

Your mom let him in, seeing his state of distress. She doesn’t lie nor sugarcoat it. She tried to convince you to let Lewis know about the kid. Helio, he muses, whispering the name of the little boy he never even met.

He goes to Australia with your mum, not even letting you know first, because your mum believed you’d run away once again.

When he makes it to the farm, you’re out in the field with Helio, you two running and playing together barefoot on the grass. He hears Helio’s laugh, yours too, and something inside him breaks. He’s seeing before his eyes the life he threw away for one stupid mistake.

As soon as you notice him, you stop laughing, holding Helio behind you, protective. You call your brother out, asking him to take Helio upstairs and not leave until you say so. Lewis just watches helplessly as your brother takes his nephew inside and Lewis couldn’t even get a closer look at his son.

“Mom, what did you do?” You say, betrayed. You mum explains everything and you invite both of them inside.

Inside, you fight, almost shouting until you remember Helio upstairs, forcing yourself to calm down. Lewis feels betrayed, you tell to his face he doesn’t deserve this life. You pull a stack of documents, asking Lewis to sign. It’s a contract saying he gives up any rights over the kid. Lewis cries.

Your mother mediates.

After what feels like hours of arguing back and forth, you accept Lewis begging to know his kid, begging to be part of his life. How could you deny your kid of a father now you couldn’t hide him behind a layer of ignorance?

You introduce father and son a couple of days later, in the presence of a child therapist, to help mediate. Helio is skittish in the beginning, but he quickly warms up to Lewis. Sometimes, he run backs to you, hugging you tightly, feeling shy. You reassure him, letting him go back to meeting his father.

“Mama, do all daddies take this long?” Helio asks that night when you’re putting him to sleep. You swallow your tears when answering.

“No, my baby. Not all of them. One day you’ll understand better, yes?”

The first time Lewis takes Helio for the day, you cry for hours, feeling like a mother bird in an empty nest. He had invited his family to a nearby city, only 40 minutes away so he could introduce Helio to them. It’s planned for them to come back by dinner time, to not disturb Helio’s routine. But they come back earlier and your baby looked like he’d been crying. Worried, you carry him inside while Lewis explains that the first few hours Helio was enjoying himself and meeting everyone, but after a while, he started crying because he ‘wanted Mama’. Selfishly, that makes your heart grow easier, because you know Helio would never forget you, and in the end of the day, he’d would always want Mama’s arms.

The first months are like torture, until you get used to Helio coming back at the end of the day. Your Helio, your baby, becomes Helio Hamilton when Lewis registers him. Lewis tries to win you over many times, with gifts, inviting you to dates, until you have a stern talk with him, telling him it wasn’t happening. That every time you were polite and respectful to him, Helio’s well being is the only thing in your mind.

Eventually, the media finds out about Helio. Lewis blatantly lies, saying he had been keeping his son’s existence a secret for his safety and privacy. People mostly respected his wishes.

You see Lewis’ family for the first time again at Helio’s fifth birthday. You thought they’d hate you for hiding their grandkid/nephew, but they treat you with the same kindness as always, and you feel just a tiny bit of guilt for hiding Helio for so long.

You realised that you had much more free time now that Helio was with Lewis half of the time. So you started going to the gym, going shopping, not only for Helio but for yourself, you went to museums, parks and eventually, dates.

One day you meet Leon, a recluse just like you. He’s a writer, living in a cottage in a close city. You hit it off, but you and him get to know each other for a whole year before you introduce him to your family, and Lewis. Your ex-husband doesn’t take it well, admitting that deep down he thought you’d go back and be a family. You tell him, he ruined that himself.

You find some resemblance of balance. With Lewis’ coming to pick Helio whenever he had free time, you weren’t friends just a cold politeness.

Lewis, whenever he had to pick Helio, he found you and Leon sitting by the porch, or horseback riding, or helping Helio with homework and school projects, he would always envy your life, the happy family he could have, but he had only himself to blame. When he finds out by Helio you’re having another baby, he swears a part of him dies forever, buried alongside your love for him, and the future he threw away. Eventually, Lewis married again, a woman who loves him, loves Helio and she even gets along with you well, and that’s all he can ask for, knowing deep down he would never love someone else the way he loved you.

PHEW! I may have gotten carried away. Thank you for your ideia, Anon! I hope this was alright!

[curekibouka-writing]

Analyzing the lullaby motif in book 7 (+translation of lyrics)

MAJOR SPOILERS for book 7 chapter 1-5

I hope everyone remembers the lullaby Malleus sang for everyone when he overblotted because that motif came back FOUR times in chapter 5 and I am going to analyze them all because they make me way too emotional 😭

Please feel free to find the lullaby motifs in this post and this post if necessary (although one of them is not included).

Translated lyrics of the lullaby:

A warm cradle

Starlight and joy

My eyes are watching over you still, let's be together

With no fear, even if we wake from this dream

Sleep, sleep, my beloved child

In dreams, I pray you would be guided to walk toward the light

(Analysis begins under the cut:)

The melody of the lullaby has been used 5 times at least in the story, they include:

When Malleus hummed it to everyone he put to sleep during his OB

When Meleanor sang it to Malleus

When Lilia sang it to Silver

When Malleus sang it to Silver

In the bgm when Sebek was helping come out of the darkness

The themes of this piece of music are love and farewell.

Motif use 2 is chronologically when the lullaby was first sung, it’s a song of love from a mother to her child when she knows they must part. I believe that when Meleanor sang this lullaby, she had already made up her mind to fight and let her guards escape with her child. She was taking the last moments she had with her child to name him "Malleus" and sing him this lullaby (7-75). Lyrics include sth like “I will be watching over you even if we wake up from this dream” and “may you be guided and walk towards the light”. But the beauty that comes with the theme of farewell is the theme of legacy. Because even though Meleanor is now gone, her song, and thus her love, never died.

Because Lilia remembers it. Motif 3 is Lilia singing it to Silver, and he’s also sung it to Malleus before. In a musical story, even if the characters lie or don’t have perfect information, the music never lies. Even if Lilia once doubted whether he could love Malleus and hatch him properly (7-77), and even if Lilia may still doubt whether he could love Silver, a human, properly (7-81), the motif symbolises love which tells us the truth — Lilia is capable of giving love. And the legacy is not just that Lilia passed the song to Malleus, it’s that Lilia internalized the song and sang it to his own son. He has seen what kind of mother Meleanor was, and he’s learnt from her kindness, her pride, her love and he has put that into how he raise his own child. Lilia has Meleanor’s legacy too.

And then to address the two Malleus motifs. First of all Malleus never sings it with lyrics, which would imply Malleus himself doesn’t fully know the true meaning of the song. However, he knows that he’s felt happiness and protection from hearing this song, so he sings it to Silver when Lilia asks him to as motif 4 (7-81). When he sang it to Silver he sounded confused, it must’ve been a long time since he’s heard the song. But he still remembers it, which means Meleanor’s love never died because Malleus remembers it all the same. It’s still in Malleus. It’s still there.

But when Malleus overblots, the song gets twisted a little bit (motif 1). However, in Malleus’s mind, it’s still a song of happiness and protection, because he overblotted trying to protect everyone’s happiness forever. But the music sounds creepy to show you the true nature of the song is not like this. The nature of the song is that "even though I cannot be with you always, I will still love you and wish for your happiness". This is the part that Malleus did not understand and did not cope with. It’s also interesting to note that Malleus sang motif 1 with a smile and no hesitation, he was completely confident and sure in what he was doing. Meanwhile, in all other three sung versions, each singer had their own different emotions in their singing, and those emotions were a lot softer, a lot less certain.

And the fifth and final use of the motif is used in the bgm when Sebek yells at Silver for him to get a grip (7-86). The song is arranged into a victorious piece with certainty and assurance. The use of the motif reminds us of the themes: love and legacy. It calls attention to these themes and entrenchs the truth that Silver IS Lilia’s legacy, and that’s only possible because of the love that Lilia has given him. The exact part where the bgm starts playing was when Silver said "Even in the darkness, I could always hear it. 'Stand up' 'Don't give in' 'Live'... it's father's voice. [...] All that he taught me, that's the proof that he had loved me. It's not a dream and not an illusion... it's true love." (I'm serious he really said "true love" for real this IS a translation T^T). When Silver saw Lilia's memories of the song, he denied the love, he said he should not deserve it. The motif had to come back because this is the moment when Silver can finally realize “Ah. This song is full of love and father sang it for me.” The motif HAD to come back because Silver has to come to accept it.

But the bgm arrangement is also made for Sebek. The bgm is full of certainty because Sebek has no doubts in what he’s telling Silver. Sebek, who has grown up alongside Silver, has witness all the love between Lilia and Silver. He KNOWS Lilia’s love is true and he’s conveying that to Silver with certainty. This bgm summarises what Sebek was doing so well, Sebek sees the love Lilia has for Silver and was literally blasting it in Silver’s ears.

As Disney's Sleeping Beauty (1959) puts it, "true love conquers all". And we've been shown that there's love in every direction among our Diasomnia found family. Let's hope that, soon enough, Silver and Sebek would wake Lilia up, and they can finally show Malleus the true meaning of his mother's lullaby and the wish she entrusted to it — that he would walk towards the light, even if she cannot be the one guiding him...

[sat-suguraa]

< NOT SO QUIET SECRETS. >

( Suguru x Satoru fic. ) Maybe those secrets meetings Suguru has aren’t so secret after all. A fic in which his daughters question him about those “meetings.”

Mimiko and Nanako sat cross-legged on the carpet, building a tower of colorful blocks, and Suguru Geto? He’d watched his beloved daughters from his place on the couch. his expression softened in a way no one outside of this place would ever see. after all, the curse absorber’s life had taken twists he’d never expected—from becoming a cult leader to an unexpectedly doting father— in such quiet moments, Suguru truly found an odd kind of peace.

Meaning no chaos, no monkeys— no one trying to make a mess of his day. or so he thought. Suguru’s gaze drifted from the girls, his mind wandering until it settled, as it often did, on a certain someone.

Satoru Gojo.

His, Satoru.

That annoyingly, cocky, brilliant, infuriatingly handsome man. just the thought of him was enough to make Suguru’s heart flutter. Satoru always had a way of getting under his skin, always driving him to the farther point of the brink, and yet somehow, he made Suguru alive in ways he didn’t dare to admit. before Suguru realized it, a small, private smile tugged at the corners of his mouth — before dreamily sighing with a mutter under his breath. “he’s so amazing.”

The clack of blocks paused as Mimiko looked up at him, curious eyes widening. “I thought you hated him?”

“What?” he blurted, caught off guard. “Hate? W..Why would you say that?”

Both daughters exchanged a look, with one tilting her head in confusion before speaking up. “Well… last week when that man came over, I heard you both in the bedroom,” Nanako said — voice cautious. “You were.. screaming at him?”

Suguru felt his stomach flip. oh god.. first off, she heard them? And moreover, the screaming Nanako overheard hadn’t been out of anger—no, quite the opposite. But how could he explain that?

“Oh, that…” force out a laugh. force it out. “Those were…”

Sound casual. Sound casual!

“…happy screams.”

Suguru might’ve died a little inside admitting that one.

But Mimiko gave him a suspicious look, glancing at her sister. “They didn’t sound happy,” she said slowly. “And then you punched the wall and yelled the f-word.”

There was no guarantee his face wasn’t red. The f-word? HOW? He was always so careful about keeping his language clean around the girls, but… well, that particular day had been intense. As Suguru desperately searched for a way to respond, memories from that visit surfaced, unbidden.

He cursed Satoru silently, recalling him showing up unexpectedly with that sad energy and insufferable look, slipping past all of Suguru’s defenses with the same effortless charm he’d always had. He’d tried— oh, he did to keep his guard up, but one look into those blue eyes and it was over. One realization, at realizing Satoru’s true intentions here as he’d leaned in, his presence warm and close… became too impossible to resist.

It was all painfully clear now: How he’d clutched Satoru. voice breaking free in a way he’d never allowed himself to show. He remembered how his hands tightened in the sheets, how he’d nearly lost his mind, and yes… he’d been loud. Very, shamelessly, loud. Loud enough that his daughters had, apparently, heard everything.

Many times.

At this point, there was nothing Suguru could do but hide his face. “Um… I don’t… remember that…”

“I do! You said, ‘Oh my f***ing god!’” Nanako mimicked, her small voice imitating his with surprising accuracy. as if it could get any worse, Mimiko catching on, stomped over to the blocks, her arms lifted dramatically as she shouted, “Oh my f***ing god!”

Suguru groaned, mortified, his smile a mixture of embarrassment and reluctant amusement. “Okay, okay,” he lifted a hand, trying to regain control of the situation. “Let’s not… talk about that.” he forced himself to smile, mind racing. Suguru needed a distraction—fast. “You see ‘the man’ and I were just… playing a fun grown-up game..”

Nanako looked unconvinced. “But you played it seven times,” she pointed out — brows knitting in confusion. The curse absorber coughed, forcing a laugh. “Six.. in a half.. actually… but that’s not important,” he said, scrambling for a way out. “How about I make dinner instead?” he suggested, clapping his hands together, desperate to change the subject. the girls shared a look, finally relenting, and Suguru exhaled, relieved. Thank god. Thank fucking god. But even so, he couldn’t help but think of two things: one, to silently curse Satoru with every step, and two, note to self: definitely find a quieter place next time.

[riptideripley]

Muscle Mommy

summary:Abby notices the contact name you picked just for her.

wrd count:1,968

a/n:bottom top abby👀

You and Abby had been childhood friends since you could remember. She was like a best friend to you,but truth be told you had a major crush on her. Only your shared friend Ellie knew,keeping it a secret the best she could just like you did when she told you she liked Dina.

It was a regular day for the three of you,going to a local park that you had found. Ever since this place you all called home got infected and finally fixed,things felt peaceful for once. Ellie had left Dina to herself,bringing the baby along with you two so Dina could relax. “Hi JJ” you spoke excitedly,taking the baby out of Ellie’s arms holding him close to you. You treated that baby like he was your own at times when they needed a break from everything,it became a true tradition. Abby smiled softly at your mothering nature,she loved that about you. You cared for everyone and every living thing. Through everything you two went through together that never changed about you.

Once her and Ellie had finally settled their differences,they were brought closer through you. Both of them grew up with you and didn’t want any tension. You quickly turned your attention to a giggly squealing Ellie,who was currently being tickled to death by Abby. “J-Jesus Abby!” Ellie spoke through small giggles,making JJ start giggling as well. You smiled at this and laughed at the two,seeing them bond made your soul happy. Abby eventually let Ellie go,carefully taking JJ from your hands. Abby had MAJORRRR baby fever,so when she got close enough to Ellie and Dina to the point were they let her hold JJ she was extremely happy. You glanced over at Ellie who giggled softly,slyly pushing you closer to Abby who seemed to not notice. You found yourself staring at her muscles,like usual. Her tight black shirt did not help the fact that they were practically screaming to be let free from her shirt. Ellie caught onto your staring and cleared her throat,”Sooo,(your name) how is everything with your boyfriend?” she spoke. Right..your boyfriend. Truth be told things between you two were getting rough and you couldn’t stand being with him,you wanted Abby. But Abby’s sexuality was..confusing. You,Ellie,and Dina couldn’t tell if she was straight or a full on lesbian. She looked the part but she was with owen..was. You never questioned why they broke up,Ellie did though. She was too curious not to ask like she’s always been. Turns out she wasn’t into Owen as much as she thought she was,plus he cheated.

“Things are..ok I guess” you spoke after thinking about how the fuck you were gonna respond to that question. Abby could tell something was wrong and looked at you,confused and concerned. “What do you mean you guess? Is he cheating?” Abby asked,carefully watching your facial expressions. “Yeah..but don’t worry Abs,I can handle everything on my own I promise” you spoke reassuring her,you knew how crazy and overprotective she was over you. You were the closet person she had and she wouldn’t dare let someone hurt you.

Ellie checked her phone,seeing it was a message in the groupchat you four(Dina included) had made. Naturally you checked your phone as it went off,forgetting how close Abby was to your side. It was a message from Dina,asking if any of you three needed something since she was on the way to pick up JJ. Abby glanced over at your phone unintentionally and was caught completely off guard. Due to the conversation you four had last night showing up,Abby saw her contact name..“Muscle Mommy👀”. She truly didn’t know how to react and chose to ignore it,feeding JJ some of the baby puffs.

Dina eventually showed up with water and a bottle of beer in hand for Ellie,the water being for you and Abby. “Thanks honey” Ellie spoke smiling as she took the beer,giving JJ a small kiss on his forehead as Dina took him. Abby saw you struggling a little to get your water open,taking it from your hand. Purposely she flexed her muscles a tad when opening your water,your eyes quickly flickering to her arms. “Here you go cupcake” she handed you the water smiling innocently,watching you slightly blush. Ellie seem to slightly catch on and chuckled to herself,downing some of the beer. “Jeez Ells,whose taking you home after that?” “Oh shut it Abby,you know you’re taking me home.” Ellie spat at her,rolling her eyes. You giggled and drank some of you water,glancing down at Abby’s arm once again. You three sat there on the swing set talking and just blabbering about whatever came to mind for the next hour,taking time to catch up on everything.

Time passed quickly and soon enough you three were all in Abby’s car,passing a joint between the three of you as she drove to drop Ellie back off at home. Abby was always careful when it came to smoking while driving,she valued you and Ellie too much not to. Eventually y’all had arrived to Ellie and Dina’s shared home,Ellie stumbling out of the car making you and Abby laugh. Dina signed a thank you to Abby which she signed you’re welcome back. You always wondered when the two of them had time to learn sign language but never questioned it. As soon as Ellie left,the tension rose between you two.

“Muscle mommy huh?” she broke the silence with a question,watching your face through the mirror. She smiled watching you slowly realize what she was talking about,blush creeping to your cheeks ears turning red. You were already high,so was she. Abby suddenly pulled over into a secluded empty parking lot,crawling into the backseat with you. She suddenly pulled you onto her lap,grabbing your chin so you wouldn’t look away. “Abby..” you whined,shifting around on her lap feeling something poking your already wet throbbing cunt. “I’ll give you everything you want..if you answer this one question.”she spoke,looking into your eyes. She wanted this just as much as you did,no matter what she did to escape these feelings it never worked. “Do you have feelings for me?” she asked,watching your face closely. You nodded but that wasn’t enough for her,she wanted to hear your voice. She wanted you to say how much you really loved her. “Words sweetheart” she spoke softly,sliding her muscled arm around your waist. “Fuck..I do Abby,I always have just- please..” you pouted,wanting her to touch you more.

Abby smiled and decided to finally give in,pulling you into a lustful kiss. She moaned softly,enjoying the taste of your lips on hers. She reached for your zipper,pulling away from the kiss and looking at you for a sign of consent. You nodded,giving her the green light to continue so she did. She unzipped your jeans,letting you slip off her lap to pull them completely off while she slipped her sweatpants off. Your eyes were immediately drawn to her strap poking through her boxers. She pulled you back onto her lap,making you let a soft whimper slip from your lips at the sudden feeling of her strap pressed against you. She loved the sound of you whimpering against her,leaning forward trailing soft kisses along your neck. You gently ran a finger under the waistband of her boxers,sending a shiver down her spine. You mentally cursed feeling her happy trail along your finger,continuing to run your finger against her sensitive waist. “Fuck it.” she whispered lifting you up and sliding her boxers down,switching her position so she was laying on the seat. You immediately got the hint and crawled between her legs,taking the tip of the strap in your mouth. She slightly whimpered,watching you take the whole thing in your mouth without choking once. She was slightly surprised,I mean the strap was 8 ½ inches and she didn’t expect you to handle the whole thing down your throat like this.

She left a moan slip,watching you bop your head up and down on her cock feeling it pressing against her throbbing clit. You looked up instantly,smiling mentally at this and continued making sure she felt it. Abby was damn near a whiny mess the entire time and you absolutely loved it. She suddenly tugged your hair pulling you off of her strap making you whine but nonetheless you knew what was coming next. You crawled onto her lap,lowering yourself slowly onto her strap letting out the sluttiest moan. She watched you carefully,loving the sight in front of her. She felt so damn grateful and lucky to be able to see you like this,she felt like she was the chosen one. Letting yourself adjust for a moment to the feeling,you slowly began bouncing. You were only doing this to hear Abby start whining again to which she did. “f-fuck..just like that- please..” she started whining almost instantly. “Please what Abs? Use your words honey” you cooed softly,stroking her face as you sped up your bouncing. Abby couldn’t even speak,the feeling of her clit being stimulated everytime you slammed your ass onto the base of her strap making the harness rub and slam onto her clit made her unable to think of any words to say. You smiled at the sight,her mouth gaped open letting out the most pathetic whines sweat forming on her forehead making her soft blonde hair stick to her. It was beauty to witness this and to believe it was all for you,you couldn’t believe it. Your eyes trailed to her nipples poking through the tight shirt she wore,taking note that she didn’t have a bra on. Perfect. You reached down gently toying with her nipples,making her completely lose it. “m’want..want you to-“ she tried speaking,giving up and letting the intense pleasure she was feeling take over her. You could only mentally chuckle to yourself,for a person as touch as she is she was such a slut when pleased just right.

Abby’s eyes shot wide open feeling you change from bouncing to grinding,her clit feeling every single movement. You threw your head back moaning,still playing with her nipples,pinching twisting and pulling her sensitive buds. “m’want you to c-cum on my cock..please” she whimpered out through her moans and whines,bucking her hips up into you. You were on the verge and desperately needed this,resting your knees next to the sides of her thighs. “Want it that bad hm pretty girl?” you teased,rocking your hips slowly. She could only nod,feeling herself on the brink of an orgasm. You finally let go,letting out the loudest moan heard to mankind. Abby valued the sight of looking at you,her own orgasm clouding her mind quickly though making her mind go blank. She laid there for a second,chest rapidly rising and falling seeming as if she couldn’t even catch her breath.

Slowly you got off of her,damn near falling over. Gently scooping her into your arms pressing her head against your chest to calm her. She listened to your heartbeat,slowly being able to catch her breath. You looked down at her,completely in love,she looked so fucking pretty when she’s like this. “Abs..I love you” you whispered out softly,pressing soft kisses to her forehead.

“I love you too sweetheart..”

[theblackhate]

Hi! Could you write a Carlisle x Fem! Or GN! Reader in which Carlisle knows that he and reader are mates but he doesn’t know just how to explain it to reader without freaking her out? It can be angsty or fluffy.

You don’t have to if you don’t want to but thank you for reading this💖

Stay hydrated!!

yes, no problem at all!

You're my half | Carlisle Cullen

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x reader

Warnings: angsty with happy ending, post new moon.

Word count: 1.2k

It was once again that I found myself standing in front of his house, even after struggling to accept his true nature. For the first few months, I couldn't even bear to watch him at work, trying my best to avoid him.

But it was only when he disappeared for months without telling anyone that I realized how important he was to me; I missed his touch, his cold lips on mine, and his gentle caress that I never would have connected to a vampire.

I hid my trembling hands in the pockets of my jacket, trying not to show my anxiety. He had called me, saying he needed to talk to me about something very important and fundamental to our relationship.

I didn't even have time to knock on the door before Carlisle appeared before me in all his beauty. He became more beautiful every time I saw him, like an angel with his blond hair, pale skin, and flawless complexion like porcelain.

The first time we met, I already knew what our destiny would be; it was a strange sensation, I had never felt something so strong for someone I didn't even know.

"Hello, sweetheart," he moved aside to let me in, placing a hand on my back to guide me into the living room. "How was work today?"

He kissed the top of my head gently. "Good, dear. Donna was so worried about your absence," I said sarcastically, mentioning the nurse who continuously flirted with Carlisle in the hospital as if I weren't standing right there.

Carlisle chuckled. "Forget about her. You're here, and you're the only woman I want."

He said the last part with a slightly melancholic look, which made me worry a bit. It took me a moment to notice his unusual demeanor; he seemed a bit distant, and within me, a fear grew that he might leave again.

"Come here," he took my hands and led me to the couch, sitting down beside me. "There's something important I need to talk to you about, love."

Was he going to leave me?

I settled on his couch, watching him carefully, seeing him for the first time in distress. He always had the right words, ready to talk about anything with anyone without any trouble, yet now he seemed troubled.

I remained silent, patiently waiting for him to speak. He averted his gaze from my eyes, looking down at his now free hands, fidgeting nervously.

"I honestly don't know how to begin… It's complicated for me, for us, and I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to stay with me," he started, his voice hesitant.

"What do you mean, Carlisle? Has something happened?" My voice must have been filled with concern because Carlisle lifted his eyes to meet mine, smiling slightly and taking my hands in his.

"No, sweetheart, nothing has happened," he reassured me, massaging the back of my hand with his thumb. "You know, remember, the first time we met?"

I looked at him, puzzled. "Uh, yes, very well," I chuckled. "Why?"

Carlisle sighed, though he didn't really need to. "Do you remember what you felt? What you still feel for me?"

"Where are you going with this?" He was only confusing me more.

He looked away again, his gaze shifting elsewhere. "It wasn't a coincidence, it wasn't the typical love-at-first-sight that everyone talks about, but it has something to do with my nature."

I continued to watch him, nervous and perhaps a bit uncomfortable on the couch. He was making me worry; I had never seen him like this, not even when he confessed to being a vampire.

"We vampires, living for eternity, need someone to be with us for eternity. To not be alone. Each of us has someone out there in the world who is like a lifelong companion, a mate."

I didn't understand where he was going with this, I couldn't see where the problem lay.

"And you are that person for me," his voice was low, almost a whisper, and my confusion deepened. I was happy for him, especially if I was that person.

Then I realized that if I was that person, his mate, he would have to turn me to stay with me. I could die at any moment, even returning home after this conversation.

"So, uh, you'll have to-"

"No, if you don't want to, it's fine," he interrupted hastily. "But that's not what I wanted you to understand. It's reciprocal, as you are my mate, I am yours, and…"

"And?" I became impatient, perhaps finally understanding what he was trying to tell me.

"I'm sorry for making you call off the wedding with Thomas, it wasn't my intention. I tried to stay away from you as much as possible knowing you were engaged, I didn't want to ruin your life."

The realization of what he had just told me hit me like a slap in the face; now it all made sense, there was an explanation for why all the feelings I had for Thomas had vanished into thin air after years of engagement.

It had been him, unconsciously, but it had been him.

I let go of his hands, drawing them back and rising from the couch to walk around a bit. I needed to relax; my heart was pounding in my chest like crazy. It couldn't be possible.

I loved Carlisle, but before him, I would have had a perfect life. I would have gotten married, grown old with grandchildren running around my house, and died knowing I had lived my life to the fullest, with Thomas.

But with Carlisle, oh things would be very different. My life had been turned upside down; I would have to stop living to have a happy life with him. I wouldn't have what I had grown to love.

"Love…" Carlisle tried to take my hand to pull me closer, but I stepped aside.

"Uh, no, give me a moment."

"I'm sorry, I tried to keep you away," his voice was full of sadness as he looked at me, also standing now.

I felt manipulated in a way, but at the same time, I couldn't bring myself to be angry with Carlisle; it wasn't his fault, and I loved him too much to see him in a different light.

He remained still, watching me until my heartbeat calmed down and my thoughts stopped racing in my head. As much as I hated that I left Thomas because of Carlisle, I couldn't imagine a different future now.

I had learned to love the man before me, to accept the fact that he was different from me and that his family was anything but normal. Carlisle was there for me; he would do anything for me, and I would do the same for him.

I looked into his eyes before stepping closer to him, letting myself be enveloped by his arms. I closed my eyes against his chest, listening to the silence caused by the absence of a heartbeat.

"I wouldn't change anything if I could go back," I said softly.

He kissed me on the forehead. "I love you," he whispered into my hair.

"I love you too, Carlisle."

[thetravelingmaster]

Short Story: Job Interview

One sided conversation point of view - Powers

Model : Mikayla Demaiter

Hello there...

If I'm not mistaken, you're the man that hired us for this party, right?

...

Yeah I thought so!

I'm sorry for springing this on you while the party's still going, but I was talking to one of the other girls hired to huh... Beautify this party...

And huh... Apparently, you host a LOT of parties all year round and if I heard correctly, you are looking to hire a few permanent girls to make sure your parties are always... Beautiful. 

*Winks*

Well if that's true, I'd like to throw my name in the ring, so to speak. I'd LOVE to contract with you for a year of fun parties!

...

Right! Not a problem! But huh… How do I 'test my compatibility', exactly? I'm pretty willing to try anything to secure such a fun job!

...

Just look into your eyes? Huh... Sure... Ok...

But why would...

Oh woooowwww....

You're... Eyes...

Are so...

B... Beauti...fu...llll....

Are… Are th…ey… Sp…a…r…k…l…i…n…g…

...

*Blinks rapidly*

Woah... That felt so weird...

...

No no!!! A good weird I assure you!

Looking into your eyes made me feel all... Warm... You know?

*Steps off the bench and steps closer*

HHmmm... Anyway...

*Casually unties the knot holding her top*

So... Was that the compatibility thing? Did I pass?

*Removes top*

...

Did I notice what?

*Looks down at her topless chest*

Oh wow! I didn't even realize I took it off!

*Looks back up with a smile*

...

*Pushes her chest out proudly, giggling*

Thank you, kind sir!

I’m rather proud of them too, after all, they do get me plenty of jobs in the business.

Although...

*Looks back down at her chest*

Part of me can't help but feel this is pretty strange…

Not that I’m ashamed of my tits or anything, but I usually don’t show them off so… Openly…

Especially to a potential employer!

…

*Looks back up*

What do you mean I should be happy?

Oh! Do you mean to say that it means I’m compatible?

…

That’s awesome!

*Looks back down at her chest, frowning*

Wait…

Like... What... Huh... Exactly… Am I compatible for?

...

Nothing I need to worry about huh?

Yeah... I guess you are right... The important thing I need to focus on is that I AM compatible and that means I'm eligible for the job, right?

It won’t bother me until later because nothing else really matters right now!

*Smiles seductively*

Like… Now that we know I'm eligible...

Is there anything else you need to check before you consider hiring me?

...

Really? Huh...

Anna didn't mention the job required me to live in your home...

Do you really host THAT many parties?

...

Oh I see... Yeah that tracks... I mean... If most of your parties are last minute affairs... Like... It WOULD be easier to have your hired pretty girls close by to make sure your reputation for having ‘beautiful’ parties remains unsullied...

HHmmm...

Honestly… That's not really the type of gig I was looking for...

...

You want me to look into your eyes again?

Of course! I always want to look into your eyes!

They're so nice to look at...

So... Ca...pt...i...va...t...i...n...g...

...

*Blinks rapidly*

HHmm... That felt super nice...

I'm sorry... I got distracted there... What were we saying?

*Unconsciously pulls down her bottom outfit and panties*

...

Oh that's right!

No no... It makes perfect sense to want your hired girls to live with you. And like... I'd be an idiot not to see the benefits of being lodged while I serve out my contract! Cuts down on my expenses you know?

In fact... I just remembered that I was sort of looking for a job with such awesome benefits so yeah... If you hire me, I'm more than willing to move in while I work for you!

Although...

If I like... Live here... Does that mean that I'm expected to work like... ALL the time?

...

Most of the time huh?

Seems like a lot to sign up for... I mean... Don't get me wrong... Like... The job’s SUPER alluring and all... But it sounds like I won't have that much free time...

I mean... I get that I'd be required to stay close for last minute parties and such...

But if I do stay close... Why would I be required to be IN your home most of the time?

...

*Smiles mischievously as her hand slips down and rubs her clit*

Oh I get it now... I'd be hired to 'beautify' your parties AND your home. Anna should really have mentioned that part from the start, it would have made things a lot clearer! Especially since I wasn’t even aware ‘beautifying’ a rich man’s home was even a thing!

Not as an official job anyway… 

But huh… Now that I think about it…

Why do I get the feeling you're going to expect a little more from me than just admiring my half naked body every day?

...

*Giggles*

No! I’m not saying you're not handsome enough... Because you certainly are… A girl could be tempted to let things drift towards less... Professional activities…

*Winks*

But I'm afraid you'll be disappointed if you think I won't be able to resist your charms! I mean... I'm just not that kind of girl... Not totally at least... I mean I LOVE to flirt as much as the next gal… I mean... Like... Isn't it all part of being a hired party girl?

...

*Frowns*

What do you mean this particular job requires more than what I'm used to as a party girl? Are you telling me that if you hire me, I'll be expected to like... Put out for you?

*Laughs*

Sorry... I think I completely misunderstood the type of job Anna was alluding to. I'm not looking to find a job like THAT! I mean... It sounds a lot like you are looking to hire a call girl or something...

...

HHmm...

Yeah ok... Sure... You make a good point...

After everything is like... Said and done... You ARE hiring sex objects... I get that... But that doesn't mean there's actual sex involved!

I mean... If that's what's expected of me if I'm hired... Then I don't know if I want to apply...

...

What do you mean I'm sending mixed signals?

*Looks down at herself*

Oh god! I didn't realize I was... Wow... I'm sooooo sorry!

...

Well even if you don't mind the show... I mean... I'm not... Like... Masturbating like this on purpose or anything...

Wait... Why can't I stop rubbing myself?

...

Hahaha...

Yeah right... You're handsome and all... But saying you are just too handsome for me to resist touching myself is a bit of a stretch!

Although... I am pretty fucking wet...

When did that happen?

Ok... What's happening to me?

...

What do you mean 'it's just the results of my high compatibility'?

*Eyes grow wide in realization*

Wait... I went topless without noticing too...

...

What? No... I'm pretty sure this isn't normal! I would never just... You know... Like this...

...

Yes... Of course... I always want to look into your eyes...

They're so nice to look at...

Wait... They... Are doing... Some...Thing...

I must... Look away...

I...

I can't...

L...o...o...k... A...w...aaaa...yyy.....

...

*Blinks rapidly*

Hhhmmm... There's just something so soothing about your eyes...

I just can't help looking into them!

*Looks down at her active fingers and smiles*

I can't believe I'm doing this... But you're right, I just can't help myself...

*Looks up and notices the bulge in his pants*

Looks like you can't quite help yourself either...

Even if I'm super comfortable touching myself in front of you, maybe I should stop

so we can both focus on the interview.

After all... It's the only important thing right now... Right?

...

No silly!

What kind of girl would I be if it bothered me to see you this aroused while I masturbated nude in front of you? It's fine I assure you!

Anyway... Have I proven myself enough of a good fit to get the job? Or is there more to this impromptu interview?

…

A talent demonstration? Ok…

I'm huh... Not sure what you expect from me... I mean... You've already seen me at your party tonight... I think I did a pretty good job of 'beautifying' the event...

*Her hips start to sway rhythmically*

Unless... You mean you want to see if I can dance? Like... The party tonight isn't really set up with a dance floor so I couldn't show off my moves.

...

*Giggles*

It's a shame that's not what you need me to demonstrate... But you're right... I'm sure you'll get plenty of opportunities to watch me dance if you hire me.

So if it's not my dance moves you need me to show off, what else can this pretty girl do to prove she deserves to be hired?

...

*Her left eyebrow lifts in surprise while she continues to sway her hips*

Really? You weren't kidding then...

*Her eyes dart down to his crotch*

I mean... Not that I'm against being a little more than eye candy... Like you said before... Why not have fun while I work right?

But...

I feel like asking me to demonstrate my 'oral talents' during my interview means that the main reason you are hiring me is for the sex rather than just being eye candy for you and your guests.

If it is... Then I'm not sure how I feel about that...

...

What was that?

*Looks down and realizes she is still masturbating*

*She looks up with a sheepish smile*

Ok well... I can't really fault you for thinking I would be ok with that... Huh... Request... Seeing as I'm still masturbating even though I thought I stopped...

But like... Earlier... You made it sound like the sex was just a fun part of the job... Not an actual requirement... And... If you need me to prove my talents to get the job… Then… Like... Doesn't that imply that it's the other way around and sex IS the actual job I'm applying for right now?

...

Thought so... Well if that's the case... I'm not sure I'm a good fit for this job...

Don't get me wrong... I'm more than willing to sleep with you during my term when the mood strikes! We are both attractive people... But I'd feel weird... Wrong even... To be like… Hired for the sex I offered...

You know?

...

No... I'm pretty sure I'm not masturbating because I want to be hired as your sexual plaything... That's just... Wrong... Isn't it?

...

Look into your lovely eyes?

Sure... I always want to look into your eyes...

So warm... So familiar...

So captivating... I can't resist them...

Something happ...e...nss...

Wh...en... I look... In...to... your... e...y...e...s…

I… Just… C…a…n't...

L...o...o...k... a...w...aaaa...yyy.....

...

*Blinks rapidly*

HHHHMMMMmmm... Fuck that feels so amazing...

Looking into your eyes is like... I don't know...

Intense...

Makes me feel so fucking good…

Wait... Are we in your bedroom? Weren't we in your backyard?

That's weird... I don't remember coming here at all...

...

No of course... You're right... Why should it bother me?

What I really need to focus on is this interview, nothing else should matter to me right now. Not if I want to get the job and I really want this job!

*Looks down at the bulge in his pants and blushes*

So huh... You really weren't kidding right? You know… When you said the job included... Huh... Sex...

...

No no! Of course I remember! I'm not THAT much of a clueless klutz! It's just... Well... I've never huh... Had a job like that... So... I guess I'm a little nervous...

You know?

...

Oh I know everything will be fine! I completely trust you and your hiring process! That's not the issue per say… I mean… I’m more than willing to show you my oral talents… 

It’s just...

I'm just not sure...

I mean... I’ve never… You know… Had a job like this before… As fun as it sounds… Something tells me that maybe… I’m not the right girl for the job…

...

Yeah ok sure... My high compatibility or whatever… Makes me the perfect girl for the job...

But I don't know...

Besides... What DOES that even mean? You haven't answered that yet. What am I highly compatible with?

...

Your eyes?

Yeah... I know what you mean... It feels so wonderful to look into them...

But... How can being highly compatible with the relaxing effects of your special eyes make me the perfect girl for the job?

…

*Blinks in disbelief*

Wait wait wait... Back up a minute...

What are you saying exactly? That can't be right... You can't just take control of people like that...

...

What?

*Looks down at her fully undressed body*

Ok... I... I'll admit I don't remember getting naked...

Wait... You’re serious… Aren’t you?

Oh god… This can’t be happening… I have to leave!

...

NO! 

I won't relax and... Look into your eyes… I… I mustn’t… 

You’ll take control again…

*Head lifts up and she looks into his eyes*

Oh god... I can't help it... I... I WANT to look into your eyes...

But I can't... You'll... Do... Things...

Fuuckk... Your eyes... They make me... Feel... So nice...

I... Don't... Want... To look... Away...

HHmmm...

So... C...a...p...t...i...v...a...t...i...n...g...

...

*Blinks rapidly*

HHHmmm... DAMN that feels so incredible… Like a massage for my brain…

It gets better and better...

*She kneels down in front of him sitting on the edge of the bed*

Say... If you do hire me... Will you keep looking into my eyes like that?

...

*Giggles*

You’ll do it to me as much as I want huh? Sounds pretty alluring to me…

*Moves forward and unconsciously places his cock between her tits*

Consider me doubly motivated to prove I'm worth it because I just can't get enough of how they make me feel! 

...

Right... I vaguely remember you saying something like that… But like... Why should it bother me if you take control of me with your eyes?

*Her hands come up and pushes her tits around his shaft*

...

Well I can see how some girls wouldn't like that…

But they just don’t know how safe it is to let you take control, that’s all!

*Smiles mischievously*

Besides… I’m sure that if they had a taste of your special control… They’d love how it felt just as much as I do…

*She starts moving her tits up and down his shaft*

...

Ahhh... Makes sense that I only feel this way because I'm highly compatible...

*Giggles*

I'll have to thank my lucky stars then... Not only does it give me a chance to get this amazing job opportunity... But it also allows me to feel the incredible effects of your eyes...

Although...

I'll admit that it's still a little unsettling that you can make me do things without me realizing I'm doing them! 

…

*Looks down at herself and giggles*

Oh my... Now how did THAT get there?

*Licks her lips as she notices the drop of precum on his shaft*

I'll admit, I'm kind of grateful to find myself suddenly stroking your cock like this... It completely bypasses my nervousness from before...

*Looks up and smiles*

I guess we could call it a benefit of being controlled... Right?

...

*Giggles*

Yeah... That was pretty strange to say…

Is that... HHmm... Your doing?

...

Thought as much!

*Giggles*

I guess that means you can control more than just my body! I have to admit... That's equally as frightening as it is fascinating...

*Continues to stroke up and down for a few moments*

So huh... I know I shouldn't be this curious... But since it looks like you'll be sampling my erotic delights regardless of what I would normally decide... May I ask for a favor?

...

It's nothing much... But so far, it feels like you've subtly used your eyes to make me do and think things without really noticing I was doing it… At first anyway…

*Giggles*

I'm not sure if it's even possible... But I'm curious to FEEL your control... I mean... Like... More than what I feel in your eyes… Is… Is that even possible? Or does your strange power only work one way?

...

It is possible? Great!

So all I have to do now is look into your eyes... Right?

*Smiles broadly as she does*

OOOhhh... I think I just... Felt the difference...

HHmmm... Fuck... That... F...ee...ls... SOO much better...

YYYeeesss...

I... Can... F...e...e...l... my...s...e...l...f... Sl...i...pp...ing...

...

*Blinks rapidly before licking her lips*

HHHHMMM.... Fuuccckk...

That was... HHmmm... Wow...

*Drools as she looks down to her chest*

Oh god... Your... Your cock!

That's... Oh yes... That's you isn't it?

Oh fuck... I can't...

I NEED it... Pp...Please?

I... need to suck it...

...

OH GOD thank you... MMMMFFF!

*Her mouth envelops his shaft in one smooth gulp*

*Moans around his girth before lavishing it with attention*

...

*Sucks up his length*

Fuck... Yes... FUCK yes...

*Looks up while her hands keeps stroking*

You're so fucking right... I... I've never felt so... GOOD... Sucking cock before... That's you too... Right?

...

Oh god... This is sooooo amazing... I mean... WOW...

It... It almost feels like I'm fucking!

*Kisses and licks his shaft a few times*

Come to think of it...

I... I didn't even think to resist the urge I felt... Fuck...

You were right...

*Licks and kisses his cock as she stroked*

With my high compatibility to your eyes... HHMMM...

*She shivers as she kisses his cock*

It really does make me perfect for the job… Because it's clear you can make me do… HHmm… Or want... Anything you wish...

*She focuses on licking the underside of his helm, making him moan*

I... I know it's wrong to wish for this...

But... Fuck...

This feels too amazing to pass up...

*She smiles seductively up at him*

...

Yes... Even after I've learned what it means to be hired...

I... I still want you to hire me.

Not that I'd have much of a choice in the matter if you already decided to hire me or not...

After all... I have the sneaking suspicion that you could just as easily fuck my brains out tonight and send me on my way without me finding anything odd or wrong about it.

Right?

*Winks playfully*

...

*Giggles*

I might look like a blonde bimbo... But I'd like to think I'm more clever than the average party girl...

*Sucks around the head for a few moments*

Which also allows me to deduce that your 'job offer' is really just an excuse to find pretty compatible girls to fill up your lovely home with what amounts to an obedient little Harem of girls you fully molded to your liking with special power...

That's what I'm REALLY auditioning for right now... Right?

...

*Giggles*

No... I can't say it bothers me that I’m actually interviewing for a… Well… Harem girl position…

I’ll admit that it’s like… Clearly NOT what I expected when I looked for you tonight, but honestly, I’m not disappointed that I am.

*Kisses his cock head*

Especially not after experiencing how amazing your control feels and how pleasurable it can make my...

*Giggles*

Expected duties…

*Giggles as she resumes sucking*

*Slowly worships his manhood*

...

*Looks up in to his eyes, cock still in her mouth* 

*Her up and down moves slow down*

*Her gaze grows vacant*

...

*Blinks rapidly as shot after shot splashes on her face*

HHmm… OOHHH!!!

Fuck…

*Giggles*

That felt so amazing… And god… Waking up to your sudden release…

Wow… Feels like you just claimed me… Christened me even…

*Wipes a big globe from her cheeks and makes of show of tasting it*

Hhmm… If this means what I think it means… Then I’m looking forward to fully converting to my new object of worship…

*Licks her lips while winking seductively*

You know… Your eyes are really amazing because right now, I’m not afraid to say that they turned me into a new convert that is eager to worship your control and I have great faith that my surrender to your special power will bring me infinite pleasures…

…

*Giggles*

What? No! Why would you pay someone you can completely mind control with your eyes? I already feel like you own me… And… Like… Why would you give a salary to someone you own? It makes no sense. 

Especially since the benefits of said ownership feels so damn incredible…

…

*Smiles brightly*

Thank you! Huh… Sir… I’ll do my very best to live up to your expectation and if I don’t, please feel free to use your eyes on me until I have no choice but to fulfill them.

[ariesqueencobra]

what we used to be | lll

Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're excited that your relationship with Eli is flourishing. A big fight leaves you and him making a decision that could benefit your lives.

Warnings: bullying, slut-shaming, kissing, violence (school fight/karate)

Word Count: 1k

A/N: A short and sweet chapter but I love it! Make sure that if you want to see more of this story to comment and reblog! Comments let me know what you like about the story and reblogs help others see the story! Thanks!

I don't consent to this work being copied, translated or reposted.

“I’m sorry to hear about what happened at the dance,” you frowned, sitting on your bed.

You and Aisha finally made time for your hang-out. It was agreed between the two of you to go to your place. 

It had been a few days since you and Eli kissed. You both hadn’t talked about it, but it was unspoken between the two of you that it was where you wanted to be. 

While your mind had been distracted by that plus the emotional turmoil that was caused by Yasmine and Moon–it was nice to just be with a friend.

“Don’t worry about it, it sucks, for sure,” she sighed. “But I joined Cobra Kai,” she smiled. “Sensei’s teaching me how to actually kick ass”. 

“Woah, really? I’m happy for you,” you nodded. 

You were happy she joined the dojo. At least one of you is building confidence to stand up against Yasmine. 

“If you want to build strength, join Cobra Kai. We can use more students too,” she suggested. 

“I don’t know, it sounds intense,” you winced. 

You don’t think you’d do well in an aggressive environment such as that. Based on how Miguel talks about his sensei and now Aisha? You don’t think you’d last a day.

“It’s not that bad, honestly,” she reassured. “Before it felt like I didn’t have anything to use to get back at Yasmine, but now I have this confidence, this strength. Something I have that she doesn’t,” she licked her lips. “But you really wanna know the truth?”

You leaned forward, telling her you did.

“I’m doing this to better myself,” she smiled. “I’m the best version of myself I can be and it’s so freeing,” she sighed out. 

“Wow, maybe I’ll put some more thought into it,” you hummed. 

That freedom she was talking about was calling your name and for once in the few weeks you’ve heard of Cobra Kai, you really considered it. 

~

You were reviewing your Calc homework before the big test today at your locker when a familiar voice called your name. You looked to your right, happy to see Eli.

“Hi, oop,” you were taken aback when he greeted you with a kiss. “Hi,” you felt your cheeks warm, your hand clutching your locker door. 

“Was that okay?” his eyes grew worried that he went overboard.

“Yeah,” you sheepishly said, reassuring him. “I’m just still getting used to it,” you giggled. 

And it was true.

Going from best friends to kissing each other was such a huge jump. It wasn't the norm even as excited as you were that you got to kiss the boy you’ve been in love with since you could remember. 

“Does this mean we’re dating now?” you chewed on your lip, closing your notebook.

“I hope so,” he smiled, hiking his shoulders up. 

“Cool,” you nodded, checking your phone for the date to remember it.

“I’ll walk you to class?” he offered and you nodded. 

Your hands became intertwined and for once you felt more than complete. You couldn’t wipe your smile off when you went into class, your mind not even thinking about limits or functions because you had a boyfriend!

~

You were walking alongside Eli and the boys to your lunch table, happy to see that Aisha was there. 

The whole cafeteria grew silent though when Sam threw a tray onto the floor. Oohs were whispered around. The four of you slowed down as you stayed back and observed.

“You see that billboard with the giant dick? I guess, Sam takes after her dad,” Kyler had a shit-eating grin on his face.

The cafeteria got riled up at the awful comeback.

You saw the way Sam’s eyes coated with anger, her jaw clenched, gaze narrowed. You felt for her, truly. 

She seemed like such a nice person and a good friend, based on what Aisha told you, but you didn’t understand why she was friends with such assholes.

You didn’t know what was going to happen between them until Miguel spoke up. 

“Oh no,” you said under your breath. 

He slammed his tray on the table next to Aisha before approaching Kyler. “Why don’t you shut the hell up and stop being an asshole?” 

“Want another beat down, Rhea?” Kyler shoved him. 

Miguel grunted as he fell back but caught himself on the chair behind him.

“I’m ready for your lame-ass karate this time,” Kyler shoved him again.

“It’s not lame-ass karate,” Miguel gritted just as Kyler went in for a punch but he blocked it, gripping his arm that caused pain to radiate all over his face. “It’s Cobra Kai,” he said before knocking him straight in the teeth.

“Woah,” Eli said. 

Blood spilled from Kyler’s nose, anger coursing through him before he body-slammed Miguel into the table, dragging him by the neck to another. People moved and jumped out of the way as Kyler got him in a headlock, but Miguel elbowed him in the gut, grabbing him by the arm and pulling it behind him, using that leverage to punch him in the cheek and then kicking him.

“No mercy!” Aisha shouted.

So much passion, you thought.

Another guy came behind Miguel but he anticipated it, sweeping him right off his feet. Then two others came but he got them too, kicking one in the stomach and another in the face.

Using his chance to run, Miguel rolled over a table, grabbing onto a tray. He kicked a chair towards an attacker before using the tray to hit Kyler and the blond one. 

He kicked and hit, knocking them down until Kyler charged at him. He jumped onto a table, sweeping his leg behind him, and kicking him before he knocked the corner of the tray right into his face. 

He actually did it. 

He took down at least six guys by himself.

Miguel stared in amazement, at the crowd surrounding him.

You felt so proud of him, being very impressed but his victory was cut short when Counsloer Blatt ordered him to come down.

~

Eli’s mouth pressed against yours, your hands placed on either side of his face while his hands were on your arms.

It was awkward navigating kissing but it was also the best thing you’ve ever experienced. 

“We should probably get back to homework,” you said, face hot and lips puffy as you pulled away. “Before your mom catches us,” you licked your lips, growing flustered at the thought of being caught.

This was the only way you’d agree to have a make-out session with Eli—at his house, not yours. If your dad found you guys locking lips, that would be the end of Eli. Frankly, you didn’t want that to happen. 

Still, you wanted to keep your fresh relationship under the ropes from your parents.

“Sure,” he nodded sheepishly, grabbing his pen.

You were doing homework at his house today, Demetri declining because he didn’t “want to get in the way of young love”. The thought made you laugh, but there was no denying how grateful you were about it.

“What did you get for problem four?” you asked, your arm and thigh pressed against his.

This time around, you didn’t care that your body was as close to his as possible. You both welcomed it and the butterflies in your tummy fluttered in delight.

“C,” he answered. 

“Damn,” you sucked in a breath, looking over his work to see where you went wrong. “You think it’s too late to drop out of Chemistry?” you wondered.

“I think you’ll be fine,” he reassured. “So what did you think about Miguel today?” he fidgeted with the pen.

“The fight?” you furrowed your brows, copying his work onto your paper. “I thought it was totally badass,” you grinned. “I guess he and Aisha were right, their sensei knows what he’s doing,” you snorted. 

“I think I’m gonna join,” he admitted, chewing on his lip and he averted your gaze.

You paused, a smile appearing on your face. “That’s great, Eli!” you reached over to kiss his cheek.

“I even talked Demetri into joining,” he added. “So I was thinking maybe you should join too,” he shrugged, searching your eyes for any sign of disagreement. 

“Really? You think I could learn to kick ass like that?” you turned to face him.

“I think you could become the best in the entire Valley,” he blushed, mirroring your movements. “So what do you say?” he smiled.

“Let’s do it,” you grinned.

[gor3sigil]

About being a freak, queer, trans etc.

In all the years I've spent going back and forth with my gender, being sure one day and unsure the next about how I wanted to present, if I wanted to be more fem or masc, if I wanted to be neither of them, there's one thing that I never wished: I never wished to be born cis.

There's something so magical in being trans. To me it's like a never ending childlike wonder of myself and others. I see my body as a white canvas I can do anything with and as a playground for me to explore and find secrets at every turn. It's shedding so many times that I had hundreds of silhouettes and I'm not even 30. It's seeing the most deepest and honest smiles when you hang out with your peers, and they're fully themselves and you are fully yourself even if it's just for one moment.

Being trans is being more naked than ever. My understanding of my own flesh at its core like I'm dissecting it once a year is so whole and complete. Noticing the patterns, the intricate map of my skin, how it grows and stretch with every change even well before HRT as I was practicing new poses and expressions and clothes.

I don't see myself as a flower, I see myself as a whole garden, with bees and critters everywhere, bursting with life in the warmth of the sun under a sky as blue as the cleanest seas.

Regarding the way others see me, mind you, I always was, and I mean ALWAYS, all my life, seen as a freak.

Try to picture this, even tnough you maybe can because this is the story of a whole bunch of us: growing up as a goth, queer and undiagnosed autistic girl, in a little shitty town, the last child of a family of disabled and neurodivergent folks that everyone saw as a family of, well, freaks. The teachers at school knew your brother who was bullied, and your sister who always caused troubles. They don’t know which of these paths you’re going to take but they sure as hell don’t like you. And the only other queer kids you know are a couple of girls who’d chugg down vodka before class in middle school because they were not accepted at home and bullied during recess.

My first queer relationship, also in middle school, was the typical “I loved her to the moon and back but she only wanted to experiment” and it tore down my soul. It took me years to recover from this. I think that, apart from my longest relationship to date, I never put that much of myself into someone I loved. But she was just goofing around and I mean, fair, we were kids, but man did it hurt. I resented her for years after. Now I just hope she’s happy and doing the job she always dreamed of doing.

Anyways, all that to say that I was used to being seen as an outcast. I hated that for years and tried and tried again and again to fit in. It doesn’t work. Because this in not the answer. Remember when I said that my family members were always all disabled ? My father espacially was physically disabled (and probably also autistic but undiagnosed), and he’s still to this day one of the most ableist person I’ve ever met. He knew his kids weren’t “normal”. He fought tooth and nails for us to fit in. Because that’s how he survived. But despite it all, it never worked. Because you can’t force your way into society’s standards.

I never felt more free than when I just gave up trying to. If I was going to be seen as weird anyways, might as well go all the way. Dress as I please, date who I wanted (another story for another time but it didn’t go as planned), enjoy the shit I enjoyed, unapologetically. And guess what ? It stopped the bullying. Because I gained confidence in myself and most of all, pride. I grew proud of being an outcast, so much so that people just started to be like “well, they’re like that anyways” and left me the fuck alone.

I’m rambling lmao but I think it’s important to be aware that nobody will live your life for you. Being your weird self, it’s so hard, butn so rewarding. More rewarding than anything. You’ll start making new relationships based on you TRUE self, you’ll go all the way for your passions, and trust me, you’ll be more free than anyone who bent themselves to fit in the mold and still need to painfully stretch their limbs everyday to keep the act on.

I know that sometimes it’s something you have to do to survive, and that’s perfectly okay. But don’t forget to keep your true self close and to let them out from time to time, okay ? Water down your inner garden. That’s the only way you will truly live.

[plutopitou]

The phantom

synopsis: reader has ability/quirk to travel to a state of limbo where the deceased reside. Mention of death, sad angst, like actually

Song: Let the light in - Lana Del Rey

I was crying like a baby writing this which has never happened to me before, still loved it sm

His once calloused hand brushes past the crown of your head pushing back loose strays, focusing on the perfect structure of your features. He wanted a better look at just how beautiful you’ve gotten.

You grasp his large palm in yours, dragging to hold his wrist softly, “I missed you a lot recently..”

You felt the heat of his gaze scatter around your face, exhaling deeply from his nose; you knew he was deep in thought, it made your throat swell in sorrow. “You know what I said last time.” His voice was edging close to stern.

Your gaze narrows down at the polished floor, “Well I don’t know, I guess I couldn’t help myself this time.” Whispered from your lips.

Everything in the home was just as it was the last time you were here. The books along the shelf were untouched, the curtains the same color with the same creases, the counter dust-free- everything still remained dust-free.

“I haven’t been thinking straight lately. Himori’s been trying to force me out the house to do stuff like go for walks, cafe’s, see a movie..”

“Well it sounds like fun, y’know she’s just trying her hardest. The best you can do is try to enjoy it, sweetheart.” He assured softly.

Why did it feel like life was taunting you.

It was quiet.

Outside were birds singing its famous song, banding with the cicadas and wisps of the wind blowing past the limp branches of the weeped willow trees. It was picture perfect, the shade of blue sky with no rain in sight- just floating, pillowed clouds slow dancing around the air above you with no end in sight.

His aura near you felt warm and present.

Hot tears brimmed your lower lashes, your chest felt tight with a suffering ache trying to crawl its way out your stomach, stuck in your throat.

“I can’t enjoy it.” Your voice failed, words trembling out as your eyes meet his. “And you fucking know that.” You forced out in a choked sob.

His soul just didn’t know what to do.

He watches as what looked like months of built up resentment towards him sets free in this state of limbo he continues to wander in. You shouldn’t be back, yet he couldn’t blame you, either.

Your head fell low in your lap, shaking with grief and all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and say everything between you two was going to be alright.

He knew all you wanted to hear him say was he was not going anywhere.

But it wasn’t true.

He wanted you out of this phantom tale you weren’t supposed to be in and live your own life the way it was meant to be.

Both your attention turns to the rumbling in the far distance. The weather outside becomes grayer, the fluffy clouds swell in darkness, the trees swaying trying to brace itself for the incoming storm.

He faces you, his warm embrace wrapping around you like a childhood blanket.

It felt like time paused in a place there was no time. Your tears were swiped away by his thumb, palms grasping your cheeks in a desire no one could take away.

“I lived my life just to see you happy, you know that right?” He asks with attentiveness. You quickly nod holding back more tears. Your faces were a mere inch apart. Your eyes fluttered shut and felt yourself give and lean closer to him.

But he holds you still.

He grasps your palm holding it on your beating heart.

You both knew your presence was a disruption here. But fate is not something to be discriminatory, it was also cruel. And the emptiness you both felt knew that first hand.

“Don’t live your life for me anymore.” Your heart burns, letting your head fall on his shoulder to soak his shirt. “You can’t let this hold back from the life you should have. Nothing can take away what I remember, sweetheart. And you’re not someone I can forget.” He whispers.

The distraught in his voice was telling. He was holding it together by a thread, yet still he knew if he gave into what he wanted most, you’d continue to suffer in a rewritten timeline.

“I can’t forget you either.”

The sky grew darker.

Selfishly, he leaned to kiss your tear away, lips lingering on the side of your cheek like a phantom.

“Please. Don’t come back.” He murmured.

Your hand was left empty. The heat of his hold still lingering as you watch him walk out the door.

Your feet followed without telling them to, racing out the door behind him. The surroundings phased as you found yourself outside on the balcony of your shared apartment.

The wind chill blows past your hair as you walk back inside. Your framed photo together still lays on the desk, a thin layer of dust resting patiently. It’s only a memory.

You wipe it away and set it down, dust-free.

Wiping the last stray tear yourself, you walk out to find Himori.

BNHA: Keigo, Bakugou, Aizawa

JJK: Geto, Gojo,

Part 2 prequel possible with a poll on which character i should base it on for a stronger plotline, stay tuned :/

Please follow, like and reblog ʕ⁎̯͡⁎ʔ༄

[11queensupreme11]

Hi! So I don’t know if you’ve seen this trend on TikTok but basically it’s where in couples the girl or guy rank hugs that they would be okay with other guys or girls giving their partners from 1-10: 10 being the worst and 1 being the one they would be the most okay with.

When I saw this I couldn’t help but think what poseidon would rate the hugs guys would give to Percy with 1 being least likely to be killed and 10 being most likely to be killed if she did this trend with him.

Poseidon:

1: self hug (this is fine since she’s hugging herself although he would prefer himself doing all the hugging

2: Polite hug (he’s not happy about it, cause why are u touching my daughter) (he’ll kill them quickly to just be done with it)

3: the classic hug (okay now he’s getting annoyed cause don’t touch his daughter-wife) ( he would give a slight maiming before ending them quickly since it wasn’t intimate in nature)

4: one armed hug (ur crossing into dangerous territory now buddy) (more maiming than the last but still a quick death since it’s not as intimate as it could be and is more of a friendly hug)

5: the patting hug (at this point he’s cutting off limbs starting with the hand ur patting her with) (no more quick deaths w some minor maiming he’s prolonging that shit so hug her at ur own peril)

6: back hug (NO!) (RUN!) (No more maimings just straight limb cuttings (like that true crime audio “her legs were cut off, her arms were cut off, she was a human torso” but like with YOU buddy. (Cause why is ur 🍆 touching her butt)

7:slow dance hug (honestly w this one Poseidon spent a whole day torturing u) (ur missing fingers and nails and eyes and ears—the whole shebang) (and for some reason the only person I can see percy slow dance hugging would be Anthonius so R.I.P Anthonius 🥺 u will be missed)

8: the catcher hug (you prayed for days, weeks even to be free from the tyrant of the sea, to no avail) (Poseidon had literally flayed u alike while making u watch as he fed ur skin and intestines to his mermaids) ( u were awake and aware the ENTIRE time and felt EVERYTHING)

9: the hug at the waist (it’s been centuries and he still hasn’t let u go or just die) (everyday is a new punishment from 🍇 by viscous sea monsters to pushing boulders up mountains Dedalus style to slow roasting u over an open fire day in and day out that you can’t even remember what day it is, what the sky looked like, why ur even still being punished, or what it felt like not to be in endless pain 😭😭)

10: the cuddle (he did everything he did to u in nine except now it been multiple millennia and this time he made percy watch every second of it) (he’s just a guy disciplining his daughter-wife leave him alone🥺)

this is also pretty much on point for most of the yanderes too tbh 😭😭

percy's not afraid to be affectionate with her friends regardless of gender. she will hug and cuddle you if she wants to (with ur consent of course!!! because consent is VERY IMPORTANT *side eyes the yans*). she'll hold her friends hands and vice versa, she is very open to skinship with her buddies!!!!!!!

........which is every yans' nightmare LMAO

these are ancient guys (yes even cu chulainn, he's the youngest, but he's still 1000+ years old i think) and back then girl/boy friendships were seen as sus 😭😭😭 so they're all gonna be pissed at the thought of her having friends of the opposite gender.

they're like "you shouldn't be friends with boys, you're a GIRL >:(" (some will be less harsh with it tho)

but if she was openly AFFECTIONATE TO THEM or if THEY were openly affectionate to her???? oh it's SO over for that guy 💀💀💀

like, this girl has slumber parties in other cabins or they have it in hers, and i also briefly mentioned in older chapters that she even invites some to hang out in her place 😭😭😭, imagine them finding out that she's hanging out with guys and even sleeping in the same room as them 😭😭😭

that's just bizarre to them cuz they're just that old (and also possessive)

[irisintheafterglow]

More Than It Seams (Chapter 4)

summary: you're a hero costume tech working for one of the biggest fashion companies in quirk society, and the days until the most important fashion event of the year are dwindling fast. if you weren't stressed enough, a certain half-and-half hero keeps appearing with rips in his suit. (pro!todoroki x reader)

word count: 2.8k

cw/tags: swearing, mentions of needles, probably inaccurate fashion design vocabulary, strangers to lovers, no specified pronouns for reader, mentions of food/eating, mention of character death/disappearance, descriptions of wounds and blood, grief with happy ending

note: second to last chapter let's gooooo !!! in theory this could be considered the "last chapter," but don't you wanna know how the ball goes??? and maybe shoto and reader have their first kiss ;). thank you for all the support you've given this series!!

likes/reblogs/feedback are appreciated :)

New Voicemail Message [11:32 A.M]

“Hey! Just checking in; I just finished the whole flame side and I’m about to start the shading for the ice side. If you’re able, I’d love for you to come see it and maybe I can buy you lunch this time. No pressure, just let me know. Alright, bye!” 

New Voicemail Message [5:36 P.M] 

“Hi, hi, hi. I picked up Soba takeout for dinner if you’re free. I have both of our usuals, and I can drop them at your agency too if you’re busy. Oh, also, the lady behind the counter was so confused that it was me by myself; you should’ve seen her face. Anyway, just wanna make sure you’re doing okay. Bye!” 

New Voicemail Message [8:24 P.M] 

“Hey Shoto, it’s me, again. I’m sorry for spamming you with voicemails and shit. I just, honestly? I’m kinda worried, haha. I know it’s dumb. Like, I know you can handle yourself and everything, but part of me still wants to make sure you’re good, you know? Just, uh, let me know. If–when you’re home. I miss your stupid voice. Okay, bye.” 

New Voicemail Message [11:56 P.M] 

“Hey. I’m aware that I keep bothering you. If I did something to make you upset, I’m really sorry…I’m about to go to bed, but I’ll see you tomorrow? Obviously, you can’t see it, but uh, I’m sticking my thumb up, haha. Call me when you can, please.”

[2] Missed Calls: Big D(esigner)🧵👑💖 

New Messages: Big D(esigner)🧵👑💖 

12:00 A.M hey  12:00 A.M idk if you’re awake 12:00 A.M but if you are 12:01 A.M please check the news 

The incessant buzzing phone in your hand woke you from your position on the couch. You don’t remember falling asleep, but you assume you passed out after eating a late dinner, waiting for Shoto to call. His food was in the fridge, untouched, while yours was only half-eaten, plastic bowls and utensils messily scattered across your coffee table. The notifications at the top of your phone made your heart drop into your stomach, and you prayed that the thought hiding in the back of your mind wasn’t true. 

You stood as the TV clicked on, only for your legs to give out beneath you as the reporter detailed where he was last seen, what he was wearing, possible suspects, and the statement from his manager. There was no substance in the public statement, only reassurances that efforts are being made to find him. You shut down the TV after they got into the part of the statement that sounded like a fucking eulogy, talking about how he was a loyal friend, devoted hero, and embodiment of a good person. You didn’t need to be told that. You’d seen it firsthand for the past two weeks. Anger, confusion, worry, and grief came in waves, crashing against each other as you curled into yourself. Your eyes welled to alleviate the burn after staring at the screen, your forehead throbbing from the flashing reds and whites of the “BREAKING NEWS” title screen. Your lungs and throat felt empty, consciousness detached from the body. 

No sobs rang out in the darkness of your apartment that night, and it terrified you how silent you were. There was no crying, no convulsing, no thrown objects across the room to create dents in the walls. It was just…silence. You couldn’t tell if you’d slept or not, hours passing as you stared wide-eyed at the ceiling after dragging yourself back onto the couch. It was an effort to breathe, to force yourself to inhale and exhale like it was opening and closing your fists. 

As sunlight permeated through the lightly swinging shades, your phone alarm went off. You stared at it, the musical sound seeming to be coming from underwater. The notifications at the top of your phone once you finally turned it off were like reading in a dream, with letters blurring and rearranging until you didn’t know what the original message was. Hey, thinking about you, they said. We understand if you can’t make it in today, they promised. Hello, you were one of the people last seen with Todoroki Shoto. Our news outlet would like to interview you. Fingers gripping the phone so hard you wanted to snap it, you slammed it onto the coffee table. Flashes of white-hot rage took over your body, directed at no one in particular. You pulled a pillow into your chest, fighting back the impulse to scream, scream, scream until either your voice or your lungs give out. 

“Hey.” It was your roommate, and she held her cat in her arms like a newborn baby. Your empty eyes stared back at them. “I won’t ask if you’re doing okay because that’s a bullshit question. I just wanted to tell you that I’m here for you if you need anything. Just call me, yeah?” You barely nod your assent, and her gentle fingers brush away the tears that had broken through your resolve. “I know it’s hard, and I know you’re grieving,” she said as she rose from the crouch she took to be eye-level with you. She takes your hand, giving it a squeeze. “But I also know that you’re one of the strongest people I know. We both know it’s Friday, and we both know those assholes in the commission aren’t going to postpone the one event that brings them money.” She doesn’t say it, but you know what she means. You need to get up and finish your pieces. “Do your best, okay?” 

Just do your best. 

It’s what you repeated to yourself as you struggled from the couch to your bedroom, then to the bathroom, then finally out the door and through the gate in your office. Your other designer, the one who had told you to check the news, runs over from his station. Shaking your head decisively before he could speak, you brush past him with an understanding hand on his shoulder. Your aching throat didn’t have the voice to give one last round of encouragement to your staff, but they looked to you anyway as you took your spot at the front of the room. 

“Just do your best,” you said before turning to the embroidery thread shelves and picking out the most vibrant shades of blue and light purple you could find. The rest of the office worked with a fervor you’d never seen before, and you gave them a sad smile whenever they’d glance up to check on you. All the other heroes’ ball looks were finalized, ready to be handed off to their stylists who would do the final dressing and accessorizing. Seven mannequins lined up in front of a window: Cellophane’s intricately beaded suit, Momo’s sweeping velvet ball gown, Deku’s sleek three-piece, Red Riot’s fiery matching set, Pinky’s princess-like mermaid dress, and Bakugo’s sheer-paneled, explosive applique-covered denim jacket. 

Everyone’s looks were finished, except one. His tailored leather pants were complete as well as the simple white button-up, and the silver pocket chain rested around the headless neck of the mannequin. All that was left to do was finish the design covering the back of the coat, which you worked on tirelessly far past when your staff had left the building. It should have been a day of celebration with champagne, balloons, and cake to commemorate another successful Hero Ball; but, 11:30 and 5:00 passed with no trace of him, and you couldn’t find it in your mind to participate in festivities. Whispered goodbyes and “see you tomorrow” floated around you, and it took more energy than it should have to smile and nod. 

Time ran away from you again, and the coat was finished at midnight on the dot, embellished with small buckles, two rows of buttons, shoulder pads, pockets, and the stunning ice and flame embroidery on the back panel. It truly was the greatest piece you had imagined and created, your quirk allowing the thread to almost act like paint as you added subtle nuance to the two opposing cranes. The fire crane rose from the bottom corner of one of the front panels, forming a circle with the ice crane that descended from the shoulder pad of the opposite front panel. Draping the finished piece on the mannequin and attaching the pocket chain for good measure, you stepped back with your hands on your hips to admire your work. He was gonna love it, when he saw it. If he saw it, the pessimistic demon in your mind whispered. With a deep breath that you didn’t know you needed, you turned to pack your stuff and head home. 

And that’s when something large slammed into M’s office window. 

The thud startled you, the dull noise of something hitting the glass bouncing off the empty cavern of the room. Your fingers wrapped around a pair of scissors as you approached the half-open door, cautiously guiding it open and squinting at the distorted figure behind the dark glass. Your eyes widened when you realized the object was huge, the size of at least two very tall people. One hand tightly gripping the scissors, the other slowly slid into your pocket to call the police when you heard a voice call from the other side. 

“Needle! Needle…wait, what? Needle, uh, sprouting from…Needle sprouting from thumb? Jesus, Todoroki, who would ever say such a thing–” You threw the window open, sending it flying upward as you took in the people set precariously on the ledge. You recognized one as Deku, the number one hero who sometimes visited your office to implement support tech into his costume. His gloved hand grabbed the edge of the window, easing him and the person he was carrying into M’s office and collapsing onto the couch. Deku quickly stood, closing the window and scanning the surroundings for threats. Your hand unconsciously rose to brush the matted red hair from the other person’s face, and the oxygen left your lungs as you zeroed in on the scar barely visible around the blood splattered on the person’s left eye.

Shoto. 

His body was in tatters, with scrapes and cuts and punctures covering his body like some zombie Halloween. The white of his hair was covered in so much blood that his entire head was red. His suit had burnt off on his fire side, and his ice side was nearly blue from discoloration. Your body moved on its own when you took in the most significant wound, a large gash cutting diagonally across his abdomen. Mind empty except for the battered man on M’s couch, you shoved your hands into the fabric scraps box and brought them back to Deku, who pressed them against Shoto’s gash to stop the bleeding. Fingers pressed under his chin, you felt a faint heartbeat and could see his chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. He was dying, and you needed to do something to stop the blood loss. 

“I tried to get him to go to a hospital, but he said it wasn’t safe,” Deku said to you, eyes clouded with concern. “He was barely able to tell me your building’s address before he passed out. I trust his judgment, but I really need you to know that, if Todoroki doesn’t get stitches, he will die. Do you have some way of stitching this up?” The fabric in his hands was soaked a dark red and the realization of what Shoto wanted you to do hit you like a train. 

He wanted you to give him stitches. 

You’d never tried your quirk on any actual humans, only textiles. Your parents had suggested becoming a medic because of your quirk, but the idea of manipulating something to enter a human body was an idea that you couldn’t stomach. There were others with more efficient quirks who could do that, but none of them were with you now. An idea dawned on you, and you reminded yourself to applaud your planning skills later. 

“Deku?”

“Yeah?”

“I need the sutures from your toolbelt.” His eyes widened in understanding, and he frantically pushed aside objects in his belt to find the roll of medical-grade nylon you’d placed there as a part of upgrading his first-aid kit. “Sorry, I added…more items,” he muttered apologetically, finally handing you the unused spool and the box containing the sterilized needle. Like clockwork, you threaded the needle just as you had millions of times before. Averting your gaze as Shoto groaned in pain from Deku cleaning the wound with alcohol pads that you’d also put in his belt, your hand soon hovered over Shoto’s wound in preparation to close it. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, ignoring the image of the sewing machine and instead opting for a simple knot at select intervals. Fighting down the bile in your throat as the needle pinched Shoto’s skin together, you shakily guided the thread through the skin layers and tied it into a tight knot. You felt Deku’s eyes watch you in amazement as you worked, delicately patching Shoto back together as you had with his suit the first day he’d walked through your elevator doors. Slowly but steadily, you moved your hand and the thread across the wound, sewing it shut like you’d attached his trenchcoat panels. They were, by no means, medical-grade stitches, but you believed they got the job done as the color slowly returned to Shoto’s face. When you finished stitching the large wound, you helped Deku wrap the lower half of his chest and his arms with gauze. With more scraps of fabric, you gently scrubbed off the blood and dirt, combing through his tangled hair with wet fingers. 

“Thank you, Deku,” you said quietly to him as you threw used fabric scraps into a trash bag. “For bringing Shoto to me. I was really worried.” 

“Of course,” he replied, smiling warmly. “I only wish that I’d met Todoroki’s partner under different circumstances.”

“Partner? I mean, yeah, we’re business partners, but–”

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry, then. I, uh, meant romantically.” Your face began to burn from Deku’s assumption. “He just talked about you a lot, you know. How much he liked being around you, how you seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. He told me about all your soba dates and how he didn’t want them to be considered dates since he wants to take you somewhere much nicer when you’re done with all the ball stuff, but I still think they’re dates.” Holy shit, Deku was rambling. “I teased him about it since I don’t think he’s ever been in love before, but–” 

“Midoriya, I implore you to stop talking.” You both gasped, turning to look at a barely-conscious Shoto, who was trying to sit up from the couch. 

“Todoroki, you’re awake! Wait, no, no–you can’t sit up yet,” Deku stutters out as he rushes over to carefully push Shoto’s shoulders back down, moving the hair from his forehead as his head falls back against the armrest. You feel out of your body again as you kneel next to him, fingers brushing his cheek in relief. “I’ll uh, give you two some space,” Deku declares as he scrambles to pick up the trash bags and exit M’s office, leaving you alone with Shoto. 

His gentle eyes find yours. “Hey, pretty.”

“Hi, handsome,” you whisper, reciprocating the weak smile he gives you as he takes in your exhausted face. “What the hell were you thinking, coming here? You needed a hospital. It wasn’t safe risking your life to come here, Sho,” the shortened version of his name slips from your mouth before you could stop it, but the even softer look he gives you sends any regret or embarrassment running. “What would you have done if I wasn’t in the office?”

“I just knew you would be.” 

“That’s a terrible plan.” 

“But it worked out.”

“That it did.” You press your lips to his forehead and relish in the way his eyes shut in contentment. “I finished your coat.”

“You did?” 

“I did, but you can’t see it right now. If you lift a single finger off that couch, I’m going to reopen your stitches.” He lets out a pained laugh, wincing at the pain shooting across his chest. A thoughtful look crosses his face again, and you adore the way you could see him working things out in his mind. What those things are, you’d never know, but his pure intellect was enough to admire. 

“Do you still plan on attending the ball tomorrow?”

“Not if you’re still hurt.”

“In that case, I am no longer hurt.” He smirks at you, with an immature, boyish, attractive smile. “And I still haven’t…chosen a plus one.” 

You feel your heart cease racing in your chest. “Yeah? And who’s the lucky winner?” Your voice shakes slightly as you attempt to relieve the tension with a joke. 

He looks at you again with that expression that makes you want to kiss him. 

“It’s you. It’s always been you.” 

As you finally drift off to sleep slumped against the couch, your face close enough to his to feel him breathe, you know in your mind that it’d always been him, too.

[1] Missed Call - Midoriya Izuku

New Voicemail Message [2:04 A.M]

"Hi Yaomomo! Hope you're doing well. I need a favor..."

[writing-for-life]

Sunday Mourning—About Dream Entities and Stars

Why Head-Canons Are Wonderful, But Forcing Them On Creators Isn’t

And as always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!

First of all: I don’t want to take anyone’s head-canons away from them, it’s what fandom is partly built on. I support them, I love them, I have plenty of my own. The Sandman very explicitly tells us about “books never written” in Lucien/ne’s library, and we can be sure ours is in there.

But that’s not quite the same as harassing both creators and other fans in an attempt to make fanon canon, and that’s what partly sparked this post. So if a super-long meta exploration of “Sunday Mourning” (and there is a lot in this post) that also contains a bit of fandom criticism (feel free to skip that if you just want the meta) isn’t your thing—this is your warning 🤣

Also: Massive spoilers ahead…

The theory that Morpheus forever lives in Hob’s dreams (and with Hob) as a dream entity regularly makes the rounds. And it’s a nice theory, and I get why people like it. I also get that “The Wake—Sunday Mourning” is maybe ambiguous enough to consider it a possibility (which then goes into head-canon territory). All good so far.

What’s problematic is when fans begin to leverage their head-canons/theories as “true because Neil gave it a like”, and then proceed to present them as canon.

Neil likes posts, yes, but he said *several times* and *very explicitly* that’s never endorsement of anything, but rather valuing that people put thought into stuff and engage with his stories critically (and he also said that it’s sometimes just a slip of his finger, but that just as an aside, you’ll find one example here).

So if Neil liked a happily-ever-after-dream-entity post, that means he supports your head-canons as head-canons because he always does (or his finger slipped—I guess we’ll never know). Again: In a way, it’s even an integral part of The Sandman. It also means that he likes the fact you engaged deeply with the source material, in either a heartfelt or critical way.

What it *doesn’t* mean: Head-canon is the same as canon despite both being valid in their own way. He said all of this a million times in a million posts.

Let’s explore that particular theory and start with an ask:

His endorsement goes as far as acknowledging that “it’s never only a dream,” and that “dreams are where the stories are.” And we need to stop pretending it’s anything more than that, even if he likes a few posts here and there (posts that go in all different directions, btw). Neil used his own experience with grief and mirrored it 1:1 in how Hob handles Morpheus’ death in The Wake and Sunday Mourning.

Here is a quote from the Sandman Companion:

NG: […] Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories—if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.

HB: It also makes me think of Hob's dream in part 3.

NG: That was something that actually happened to me. [1]I dreamt about a friend who'd died six months earlier, woke up completely upset that she'd died, [2]and then realized I'd simply had a dream and felt enormously relieved... [3]and then I woke up all the way and remembered that she really had passed on.

[numbers and bold by me]

And then remember what happened to Hob:

1. He found out in a dream Morpheus had died and woke up upset and crying in The Wake, Chapters 1-3 (#70-72).

2. Then he had another dream that somewhat gave him closure and a sense of relief (Sunday Mourning, #73).

(Can I also just point out where Destruction’s fingers are pointing here and then contrast it with what he told Daniel in The Wake about “walking amongst the stars”, or Morpheus actually turning into a star?)

(What might the end of the story be? Who knows, but once again, have a look where Destruction’s fingers are pointing.)

3. Then he woke up all the way and felt peace (also in Sunday Mourning).

Make of that what you will, but to me, saying that scene was based on his own dream is basically Neil confirming that Morpheus has “really passed on.”

Will Hob remember Morpheus? Of course he will. That’s what humans do. Does Morpheus live a happily ever after in Hob’s dream with Hob? And would that be in character? And would he want his memories to be intact to make that happen? Would that truly be passing on?

I will explore why canonically, we don’t find much to support that notion, and why it would seem OOC. But if you believe it, it’s your personal truth. Should we call for the ending to be changed though to make our personal truth that of the author?

Life and death are our own, and it’s never just a dream

Destruction was in Hob’s dream (when Hob never really knew him), and Destruction walked away from it all. As did Morpheus. They’re both free. It was very likely (and I'm phrasing this carefully on purpose) a dream gifted by Daniel!Dream (who had a very long talk with Destruction during the Wake) to give Hob closure, and it seems straightforward enough if you read The Wake not just single-mindedly focused on one thing. Daniel!Dream is not in the original panel, but he is in the background of concept art of that panel for a movie pitch by Jill Thompson and Neil Gaiman, so we can probably assume it was always the intended subtext.

And what does Death say in Façade? Or what does Morpheus say to Orpheus, or to Delirium after he killed Orpheus? That life and death are our own.

Destruction’s life is his own.

Morpheus’ death is his own.

And Hob’s life AND death are his own.

The three of them are the literal embodiment of that sentiment:

One walked away and chose life.

One walked away and chose death.

One chooses life for as long as he sees fit and can choose death if he stops doing so.

It makes sense to put them in a panel together at the end for that very reason (and a few others of course).

That, right there, is already “more than just a dream.” It is the story, not just a metaphor. It is canon, and it is fairly explicit.

Would Morpheus ever want to be a dream entity with all his memories intact?

From this point onward, we get more into interpretation based on canonical character traits:

Morpheus living forever as a dream entity *tied to Hob’s dream* is canonically antithetical and OOC. There, I said it. He wanted to be free from the Dreaming, he even said so to Death (“But even the freedom of the Dreaming can be a cage, of a kind, my sister,” in #69).

But existing as a dream entity WITH ALL HIS MEMORIES INTACT (that alone should make people say, “He would never want this in a million years” because it’s the very source of his pain—he wanted punishment for Orpheus’ fate/death—Nuala called him out on it) would forever tie him to it. Plus, it would make him Daniel’s subject in a way. It would be, again, very OOC.

Also: Dream had very strong feelings about the dead NOT belonging into dreams/the Dreaming permanently, or the living building their lives around them. WHY would that apply to Hector, but not to Morpheus himself? Again, it makes no sense in continuity.

But Destruction was in that dream…

Destruction visited Daniel!Dream during the Wake. They talked about a lot of stuff that’s very relevant, I recommend a reread if you’re not certain (this is long enough as it is, so I’ll skip it at this point). And it makes narrative sense to anchor that in Hob’s dream for reasons already outlined (they might not make sense to Hob, but they make sense to us, the reader, if we are willing to see that “it’s more than just a dream” isn’t equal to two people riding off into the sunset together, as nice a head-canon that might be). What I *do* want to point out though is that Destructions talked about “walking amongst the stars” and again, where he points in Hob’s dream.

Someone said this somewhere else and drew parallels to Stardust: Morpheus *does* become a star (or returns to them, who knows), it’s all over The Wake. That star is in literally *every* panel with a window/sky after his barge has transformed. And what becomes of him as that—who knows, since we all know stars have some sort of sentience in Gaiman’s universe, and that “oblivion is not an option” if Death took your hand to lead you into the afterlife. Again: Head-canon territory…

Head-canons are beautiful

No one is trying to take them away from us. Let’s knock ourselves out in fanfic and fanart, it’s comforting and healing. The Sandman is a story about stories. Our stories are our own, and they are true for us, that’s the whole point. And Neil will *never* tell you your head-canon is not real, because for you, it is, and that’s all that matters. But the constant need to elevate fanon to canon really gets exhausting at times, especially if it involves pestering the creators, constantly being on their blogs/tagging them and trying to get them to confirm what we want.

And to those that insist we will undoubtedly get a happily ever after because “Hob’s dream says so”, and think the writers somehow should “read the room” and provide fan-service (side-note: What is it with this entitlement in fandom? The creator tells *their* story, not yours):

One of the main messages of the story is (already in 24/7) that stories only have a happy ending because we know when to stop, but that they ultimately *all* end in death. No matter how much people say that “the show is so much more hopeful”, that very line has already been brought into the show. They didn’t take it out. It will have weight at some point, I’ll put my money on it.

But show!Murphy isn’t comics!Murphy...

People point out that show!Morpheus is different from comics!Morpheus to justify we will get a different ending. Making Morpheus a bit softer around the edges seems, at least to me, a move to make him likeable as the protagonist, because it would be very hard to like early comics!Morpheus, to be frank. The fact that he brought Gault back from the darkness—I saw that as giving show!only fans a nicely wrapped end of the first season, because we didn’t even know if we would get a second one at that point. It also shows us that he is capable of change—a thing I am near certain he will repeatedly deny as we go on (he already did). So no, I personally don’t think it set him on a different path. There are even scenes in the show that very heavily foreshadow The Kindly Ones (the cracks in the window are overlayed onto his face in such a way that they heavily hint at the scar he is going to receive).

So yes, by all means, let’s have a bit of ambiguity in Sunday Mourning for the people who don’t like the tragic ending, but let’s also focus on more than just making everything about the ship. Their relationship is important, and even more so because it isn’t romantic—that’s why it grows and lasts (unlike Morpheus’ romantic relationships). But it’s only the tiniest fraction of what The Sandman is about.

I write fanfic. I give Morpheus happy endings, too. I get it, I want him to be happy, too. But no matter how much we write him in character, we will ultimately break character the moment we make him do things that lead to a different outcome. In canon, he is the way he is. And I am afraid to say:

I personally think he is also like that in the show, even if they softened him a bit around the edges and shoved certain messages down our throats that people who know the comics didn’t need, but newbs to the Sandman did (“I’m listening now…”)—it was a good move, and all of that made sense for show-narrative reasons. But not once did I have the feeling that he wasn't exactly the same Morpheus underneath it all, and we already had too much foreshadowing to think that we would really get a different ending.

Why chemistry isn’t confirmation of the ship

That’s another one: To turn one (!) show-writer’s comment that Morpheus’ and Hob’s chemistry was a thing, and that they allowed that type of ambiguity, into, “Their romantic relationship is canon.” These two things are not the same. And Neil said that Benton’s comment did not make Dreamling any more real/canon, but people conveniently forget that. He also didn’t deny it, he just didn’t confirm, because, again: He doesn’t confirm or deny head-canons. They’re ours. Let's please stop pestering the man to confirm our head-canons and fantasies, but that just as an aside.

It shows one thing, however:

How conditioned fandom is to make everything about romantic relationships (ideally m/m), even if they have nothing, and I say nothing, to do with the main message.

And it’s okay the wish for these relationships matters to some people, but they don’t have to matter to everyone else, to the extent that we expect the actual story to change. Why try to twist his arm into changing his own story, and the way he wanted to tell it?

So again: Head-canons are beautiful. Trying to get them confirmed by creators and foist them upon everyone else (to the extent that people get harassed) is not.

And if I'm proven wrong on this, I’ll still die happy, but I'm putting my chips down right now and say:

Morpheus will die in exactly the same way as in the comics. And if we get The Wake, we will get a scene in Sunday Mourning that can hold ambiguity for processing our grief, just like the comic can. And the shippers will say, “He’s with Hob, yay!”, and the non-shippers will say, “Nah, not what I saw.” And Neil will get a million asks and answer each single one with:

“What do *you* think?”

[catt-wall-d-writer]

Astarion - Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone [1/2]

Tw: loving relationship turned toxic, angst, possible act3 spoilers

I primarily wrote this as a vent piece since I had, in an unfortunate chain of events, Ascended Astarion on my Durge resisting playthrough. So I decided to give my Tav and Astarion some deeper lore. There will be part two soon enough, but if you have any wishes let me know

It seemed like yesterday that we spoke first of Ascension. Like it was merely a day ago, when the weak rays of sunlight in the Shadow Cursed Lands speckled against our skin as we prepared for the long trek to Wyrm’s Rock. 

The journey felt daunting but manageable then, as long as we were together. 

But it’s been so long… I can barely recognise the face I wake up next to every day.

At first I thought to indulge him, so every time we spoke of Ascension I would naively smile and nod, supporting his fight for freedom. I thought to let him down slowly, support his freedom of making a choice… Then later on, I tried hinting that it might not be the safest option. Oh what a fool I was. It was already too late. He has set his mind on becoming free… whatever that meant for him. 

At the time I thought he just wanted revenge, to slay Cazador in cold blood, slowly and painfully, the bastard deserved an eternity of torture, but his existence alone brought so much suffering that it was best to end him.

But not like this. 

I know it’s not my place to say, I should even be happy for him, he’s gotten his revenge and he has become undefeatable. Absolute.

But this just isn’t him.

I wonder this time where he's gone Wonder if he's gone to stay

These thoughts plague me, haunting every quiet moment. His gaze now seemed all knowing, piercing me as if he was looking  right through me. I felt fully bare before him. But unlike before, he never asked if I was alright. He just looks at me and carries on.

His touch has gotten rough, his words sharp and cruel. 

“My pet” he calls me, and like a fool, I glance at him and I don’t know if it is the radiance of the sun or if it is that last fading bit of hope glinting in my eyes.

“Yes, my love?” I answer, like a lovesick puppy.

“It truly is a pity that you resisted the Dread Lord’s calling… we could’ve been indestructible now, but look at you, clinging to your righteousness” he says, his disappointment seeping into each word.

I barely speak up in response, my throat swelling with the intense feeling of despair that has been brewing in me ever since he has Ascended “I…I resisted because I wanted to protect you…from myself”

“Oh please, I don’t need any protecting now, every other being pales in comparison to the power of a True Vampire Ascendant” he says nonchalantly, just showing me how much this new form has corrupted him.

Days blur together. I don’t remember the last time I talked to him, last time I heard his contagious laughter. Who is this man who grips me so roughly, who kisses me with a forced, mechanical passion?

I shift in bed, inadvertently bumping into him.

“Can’t sleep?” he says, his tone void of emotion.

“Mhm” is all I say, my eyes meeting his deep crimson ones. They glow in the dim light, scrutinizing me with a cold, detached curiosity.

“Sunrise isn’t far away” he says, as if a sanguine being like him would need to lie in bed and rest.

“Mhm” I repeat, unable to grasp the point of his words. He’s no longer capable of caring, and he’s shown me that time and time again.

“Say…pet…”  he starts slowly, and I feel him shift on the bed behind me, his chest flush against my backside “It’s been so long since you’ve invited me to…drink from you shall we say…” He says and I already feel his breath against my neck.

At least that part didn’t change, he still asks first.

“I must admit, I am feeling a bit…. Peckish” he continues since I didn’t reply, and I can almost feel his heart thrumming in his chest as he struggles to hold himself back.

I simply turn to face him and a single tear runs down my cheek as a stray ray of sun, peeks through the curtain, shining onto his beautiful pale face. The very same face, its smile a distant memory. 

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone. Only darkness every day.

I bury the memories and I give in, placing my palm on the side of his face, pulling him closer and he takes the opportunity to bury his fangs into my neck. As always, I wince a little at first, it just that he doesn’t even attempt to show concern for me or to comfort me. He takes and takes…

It's not warm when he's away.

It gets to me, I can’t say it doesn’t, yet I try to find comfort in it - even his cold cruel words can be twisted into something that can resemble kindness.

He greedily slurps my blood and I can feel my vision blurring. Is this it? Is this how I’ll end? At the hands of my lover- turned monster? 

As if sensing my despair, he suddenly halts. Without warning, he grips my neck with a vice-like hold and leans in, his breath hot and menacing against my ear. “My sweet pet,” he growls, his voice a groggy rumble, “All mine….and oh so eager to serve…”

I sigh.

And I know, I know, I know, I know

“I know what’s going through that pretty head of yours, pet” he says as he drags his fingers along my throat “I will not tolerate it” he warns me.

Have I no right to the sanctity of my own thoughts anymore? Is there no place left for me? Not just in his cold, dead heart, but anywhere?

It’s not too late to answer the calling of the Dread Lord 

Hey, I oughta leave that thing alone.

It would do me no good, becoming nothing more than a tool for senseless slaughter in the name of some god.

And yet, that might be the only way to make him see me as an equal. As a true partner. Not a toy, not a pet, not something to be owned and used.