#i don’t even call myself a feminist because i don’t take any action that benefits the collective

[blonkk]

to women being inspired by bursts of emotion rather than genuine curiosity and hunger for knowledge: read. put down your phone. get off tiktok, twitter, ig, youtube. go to the library, get on an archive and read. read feminist theory that isn’t from an influencer or a self-proclaimed “video essayist” or even your university’s “gender studies” prof. read feminist history. read articles that challenge your confirmation bias. read kate millet, catherine mckinnon, dworkin, valerie solanas, betty friedan, angela davis, nawal el sadaawi, judith butler….read shit that makes you uncomfortable. work through why you’re opposed to reading certain feminist thinkers and then read their stuff.

just read the material and then make your own decisions about what you believe. enough of this dime-store feminism. feminism isn’t an identity, it’s not a passive way to state that you care about women’s rights. it’s something that requires real action to be a true part of. most women who think they are aren’t actually feminists. they barely even understand it’s core tenets. if you want to be one that does, and maybe even take some legitimate feminist action, then commit to learning the hard way.

you can’t be an effective activist without action. you can’t understand a movement or theory without undertaking the necessary research and analysis and challenging your preconceptions.

it’s gonna make you question things. it’s gonna turn your stomach, and put you on the defensive, and force you to admit that some of your actions and beliefs are actually not at all feminist, and many may even be anti-feminist/woman. no one’s saying you have to observe and change everything about yourself, but for fuck’s sakes stop calling yourself something you’re not. it’s an obstruction of truth and insulting to women in the movement doing the real work.

[scumsleeperagent]

Against Marriage By Sharon Rose

For three years after joining the Women’s Liberation Movement and calling myself a radical feminist, I lackadaisically thought that I would probably get married one day, if only to keep my parents happy…if only there were a suitable candidate, which there never was. Then gradually I began to realise that I couldn’t be against patriarchy, against the state, and against religion, and still be prepared to go through a ritual which represents the summit of patriarchal, religious and state interference in people’s lives.

I was brought up in a religious Jewish family where even the most commonplace actions — eating an apple, buying new shoes — are accompanied by religious ritual. I was confused about my sexuality as soon as I was aware of it. Perhaps as a result I developed, at an early age, a burning resentment of any demand for unquestioning obedience. And make no mistake, society’s demand that we should all be married is very heavy indeed. When my partner and I had our child ‘out of wedlock’, as it is so appropriately called, my 85-year-old uncle did not speak to my father (his 75-year-old brother) for a year, because, not only was he unable to ‘exert his influence on us’ to marry, he was also unwilling to do so.

I fail to understand how supporters of marriage can argue that marriage is no big deal, and does not make a difference anyway, when all I hear from them is the many benefits of marriage. Sorry folks, you can’t have it both ways. I know people who have got married to please their families (lots), to secure family inheritance (which is what it was all about in the first place), to keep a partner in the country (understandable, but in this case try and marry someone with whom you are not involved), or to prop up a fading relationship. (How many couples do you know who have been co-habiting happily for years, who suddenly announce they are getting married ‘to affirm our commitment to each other’, only to split up not long after? I know several — and they never send the presents back.) All of these reasons, and many others, illustrate the fact that marriage is a very significant institution in our society for keeping individuals in their place. If it were not, why would the state prosecute bigamists? It doesn’t prosecute the married man (they always seem to be men) who maintains a mistress, sometimes with children, in another abode, even though the situations are structurally identical.

Of course there are good human reasons for wishing to make a public statement of your love for another person, and though I have been thoroughly inoculated against ritual myself, it obviously plays an important role in many people’s lives. But in that case, why do almost all the pagans, humanists and secularists who organise their own ceremonies, also find it necessary to nip down to the registry office for a quick (average 8 minutes) rubber stamp from the state?

I don’t believe the answer lies in a desire to get entangled in a bureaucracy from which it takes a minimum of two years to get disentangled. Rather, I think that what motivates people to get married is their desire, however subconscious, to equip themselves with possibly the most important accessory of the modern marriage ceremony — a certificate of straightness. Getting married is a very public statement of your heterosexuality, and indeed of your intention to remain faithful to this one particular individual. Looking at the issue from this perspective was what finally allowed me to make the connection between my opposition to marriage and my bisexuality. For years I had been arguing the anti-patriarchal, anti-religious, basic radical feminist line against marriage, arguing also that it was a betrayal of my lesbian and gay comrades who had no such option of having the state acknowledging their unions, as they could never present themselves as heterosexual. (I understand why some lesbians and gay men sincerely believe that state recognition of their relationships would be a benefit, but I disagree politically and strategically with this position. Civil and legal rights should be available to everybody as autonomous individuals and members of society. And it is surely not wise, anyway, to seek legal status for oneself by reference to one’s relationship with somebody else. In seeking recognition for lesbian and gay relationships from religion and state, people are seeking dignity; but you cannot demand of others to grant you dignity, you must claim it for yourself from within your own heart and mind.)

Having argued the intellectual position for so long, I eventually realised that, in my heart, I could never make myself get married. The very thought of it made me feel ill, because, even though I currently live with a man, and look forward to doing so for many years, I do not, and never have, felt myself to be heterosexual. My first loyalty is to women, and the biggest betrayal of all would be to myself, if I were to publicly deny my deepest identity in favour of tying myself officially to a man, any man, even one so lovable and kind as my partner. We will stay together as long as it makes sense for us, not because of any artificially applied external circumstance. I appreciate the irony that to many people my lifestyle looks rather conventional (though this was certainly not of my choosing, but the result of 15 years of Thatcherism). All I can say is that I feel as if I am passing, anyway, which is not a situation I feel at all comfortable with. It would be so much worse if I were openly denying the most fundamental part of who I am.

(emphasis is my own)

http://feminist-reprise.org/library/sexuality-and-relationships/against-marriage/

[my-mt-heart]

There is a lot of conversation about Norman Reedus and the Daryl show happening exclusively within my inbox and I want to take a beat to explain why I haven’t posted any of it. Yes, I am not, have ever been, nor ever will be okay with spreading hate about cast and crew who put their blood, sweat, and tears into delivering something for us to enjoy. Some of you are going to call me a bad feminist or accuse me of not holding men accountable for their actions/behavior and I can’t stop you. Your feelings are yours to have wherever they stem from. If I may be so bold to suggest, some people might be stuck on those initial rumors that came out which I said then and maintain now don’t accurately reflect how the industry works. Others might be disappointed in Norman’s lack of sentiment during his interview and activity on Twitter. Again, feel how you want to feel. My feeling? My wholehearted belief is that directing it at an individual man doesn’t address the issue. 

To make it abundantly clear, I am also not accusing AMC of being a misogynist entity that consciously screws over and muzzles women. But I am upset that an emotionally-driven show spearheaded by a highly talented woman of color and starring a female icon was turned into what I suspect is a more “thrilling” mission-oriented project that neither woman could/felt they could be a part of and now cannot talk about. I am frustrated that I was strung along to believe I was getting the show of my dreams (because they flat out told me I was) when in fact the concept Angela Kang, Norman, and Melissa originally envisioned, the one that honors both Daryl’s and Carol’s emotional journeys, had changed a long time ago in favor of a plot that will effectively secure a largely male audience. And attaching a male showrunner is only going to make it even more male-driven. So yes, as a Caryl fan, as a female fan, and as a fan of story integrity, I am voicing my dissatisfaction which has nothing to do with Norman’s, Melissa’s, or Angela’s choices for themselves. I don’t expect it because our “selfish” noise conveniently takes the heat off the network, but I wish it could be acknowledged that “hey, you’ve been waiting a long time for a show you were never going to get and I understand why that hurts, but thank you for caring so much about the characters/relationship we also care about.”  

In all fairness to Norman, the lack of support being shown for the new spinoff sucks from his perspective and probably comes across as if we only value Daryl as half a ship. Not that I think he’d ever read this, but I want to still stress that is not the case at all, at least not for me. As a “loner” myself who’s struggled to belong, I relate to Daryl a lot and I’ve enjoyed every part of his story so far. My problem, my fear I should say, is that another long heroic mission by himself feels like backpedaling on an emotional level. We’ve seen the psychological torment that’s caused, we’ve seen the darkness that’s cast over him, and I don’t want to see it anymore. Especially not after all the effort from Kang (and narratively from Carol) to help him overcome it. Carol has similarly struggled with feelings of isolation, most recently from her best friend, which is why (to the anon that asked), I’d have just as hard a time watching a solo Carol spinoff. 

Kang has asserted that while Daryl and Carol are survivors on their own, they are better together. They’ve always been an integral part of each other’s stories and an integral part of each other’s happiness, and losing that element is just unsettling. It undermines everything we’ve seen Kang build up to. I’m fully aware business reasons can impact a story, but that doesn’t always mean I can give it the benefit of the doubt. I would love it if all my concerns turned out to be unfounded, that somehow it’ll still work emotionally. Right now, I just don’t feel assured and I don’t want to be strung along more than I already have been. For what it’s worth, it also would’ve taken me a while to come to terms with the concept of Daryl and Carol embarking on a mission together in France as opposed to the road show. 

Some of you may have picked up on the fact that I have been very distraught the last couple of days. Listen. When I first created my blog, I only ever wanted a place to share my thoughts about my favorite show and my favorite characters. I didn’t expect to develop this deeply personal relationship with them, but somehow I did, and as if it isn’t bad enough to think my viewing experience was a lie, seeing all these signs of resentment toward Carylers and Caryl just utterly devastates me. It’s as if I’m being rejected by the show I love. 

The industry thrives on money, not a fan base, one said today. Respectfully, I don’t see how those things are mutually exclusive. Without a fan base there is no money to be made. You can cut your losses with one part of it and try to appeal more to another, but ultimately I don’t think the Caryl fanbase of all things is that expendable, otherwise they wouldn’t bother trying to exploit us so often. 

I’m sure you all have varying reasons to be part of WAAC. Me personally, I want Carylers to have a positive presence in the larger TWD community, at least in the eyes of the people who give us the show. I want our perspective on the characters and the show to hold value (literally) and be appreciated if not validated, which is why I am strongly encouraging our next blitz (the date and time of which are in the email I sent out, so please be sure to check), to focus on our love for Caryl, the actors who play them, and the showrunner who wrote them beautifully rather than the circumstances surrounding the movement. If we do that, we can’t be accused of reacting selfishly or disregarding Melissa’s wellbeing. We already know neither of those things are our intention, but it’d be great if they could see that too. 

[chiisananoinochi]

midari ikishima and the unappealing

hi everyone i have thoughts about the silly gay gambling anime after reading kakegurui midari. i am chatting to myself and i am tired so im sorry if it doesnt make sense heart emoji i think it’s really interesting how midari is the only one who has any overt 'feminist' tones to her character (defending yumeko from harrassment, and punishing ootori for her exploitative actions towards other women), and yet she's also one of the most explicitly disgusting and unappealing both in design and personality. i use 'feminist' loosely of course because of the way kakegurui is, but thats exactly why i'm here! to talk about how kakegurui is bc it's a big interest atm and i have my own feminist best interests at heart too let me just start off by saying i know judging any anime like this through a 'social justice' type of lens is ultimately redundant, because they all have flaws, and i'm not actually here to say kakegurui is bad (i enjoy it a whole lot!). i don't think it's bad, but it's no coincidence that midari, who is assertive and who takes up space, and who seems to have zero interest in men, is also made out to be the most excessive, hyperbolically disgusting, sexually unappealing character. midari's freedom from male desire (shown concisely those boys calling her a 'boner killer'!) is arguably what causes her to be characterised in this way! the other girls who are intentionally appealing (yumeko and mary, in particular) react differently, and more submissively, to their treatment. and of course to go with this they're pretty and sparkly, they're the perfect body-pillow-owning-neckbeard's fantasy. yumeko, whose charming, polite yet secretly unhinged manner makes for an ideal waifu, and mary, whose sense of justice about her own life is still noble and digestible for your average basement dweller. (i love both of them as well in their own right i am not putting them down i'm just commenting on their personalities!) they fit into more traditional, more acceptable roles for anime girls. but midari? she's none of them. midari, who demands with her manner to have her requests acknowledged! midari, who is so helplessly disgusting that not even the prim and proper yumeko can stand her, isn't noble OR digestible, and it makes her unattractive. women who take up space for themselves, who are open about their desires (this is an issue with her and i know this i'm not waiving her creepy behaviour do not get me wrong), who are loud and gross and unapologetic, as midari is - they're frowned upon. i know as well the implication that midari does these things for her own benefit - punishing ootori in an attempt to die herself, saving yumeko because of her own interest in her - but i still think it stands out that 'woman who stands up for other women in a way which is astoundingly explicit for a series of this nature' also just so happens to be a character who is incredibly cringeworthy to watch at certain moments, even more unhinged than like all of the cast combined also im not gonna leave out the gross sexual behaviour towards yumeko but i feel like i dont have to say 'i know this is bad', i'm a lesbian and im sure that people who arent lesbians who also know that kakegurui overall is not a reliable or truthful depiction of wlw relationships, despite the fact wlw seems to have reclaimed it for themselves (which i love!) on an individual basis because. the series is undeniably hella gay and honestly? i appreciate that there isn't a male protagonist in kakegurui midari OR kakegurui twin. i'm in the corpse party fandom so i'm just familiar with discussing why lesbian fetisisation is bad to a point where it is TIRING. if you want realistic, sensitive depictions of wlw relationships in anime and manga, don't turn to kakegurui. turn to lists compiled by real wlw (recommendations off the top of my head are 'goodbye, my rose garden', 'a tropical fish yearns for snow', and for people who want banging which is completely consensual and between two adults, 'our teachers are dating!') anyways midari ikishima is an underrated feminist

girlboss and im tired now. also i have never interacted with the fandom(?) in my actual life so i have no idea how midari is widely perceived by other fans of the media. also i have to sign out with 'if you dont like her thats fine' bc if i dont i'll explode thanks bye i repeated myself a lot in this xx

[matildainmotion]

Your Permission to Belong: a Deep Yes and a New Verb: To Matronise.

It turns out we are all imposters, or at least most of us feel we are. Although I knew this - it’s why I wrote a blog about it last month - I am still amazed and troubled that it is true. That so many of us feel like we don’t cut it, even in the context of a group like Mothers Who Make (MWM) that aims to be welcoming, inclusive, accessible. It has left me pondering on the opposite of Imposter Syndrome, on what it is that makes you, me, any of us, feel that we belong, that we have a right to be here. Who says? What or who gives us a sense of permission?

Permission -it’s a difficult word, not the obvious go-to one when on a quest for a sense of belonging. I associate it most immediately with stern, finger-wagging teachers, or ‘keep off the grass’ notices- with authority figures and forces that have the power to deny access. In its origins (Latin, permitere) it means to allow through, to let pass, which is why I think it is the key to our sense of belonging. Before we can belong, there is always a threshold moment, a point at which we are allowed to pass. Imposter Syndrome comes about when you feel you sneaked across the border - you are wandering about without a permit and it is only a matter of time before someone finds you out. No one gave you permission.

This is a top down model. The supplicant asks, waits anxiously to see if permission will be granted or denied by the authorities. It is a hugely powerful model. I still remember the first time I managed to get funding, the money was a minimal sum but far more significant was the feeling that someone had chosen me, had granted me permission to make a piece of work. Given how small the grant was, why couldn’t I have made it anyway?! Because I wanted an external authority to tell me I could. I wanted to be patron-ised.

Whilst, in theory, being a feminist and all, I didn’t agree with the patriarchal structure of this system, I was hopelessly hooked into it. I was a good girl, or desperate to be so, to acquire paternal approval to affirm my right to be or do anything. It has taken me becoming a mother to feel, viscerally, how problematic this top-down model of permission-giving can be.

As someone who had long identified as the supplicant, it was rather a shock, when I became a parent, to find myself in the position of authority- the one to dish out or withhold the permissions, in a hundred small ways, many times a day and I have found it exhausting. Perhaps because of this, I fear I am a permissive parent- I often allow my children to do what they want. Irrespective of what parenting methods you believe in, I think it is significant that being ‘permissive' has negative connotations. To say yes too often is a no-no. When I do say no, I have been struck, as my children grow, by the force of their reactions. They rage at first – which is hard - but then they walk away, which is harder. My daughter goes into a corner. My son has been known to make it out the door and down the lane. Both have told me I am the worst mother in the world and that they are in the wrong family - they don’t belong (their shared sense of melodrama is evidence to the contrary, but I refrain from putting this to them in the moment). My daughter is particularly sensitive to any of her wishes, ideas, words not being given full approval. Her back rounds, her head bows, the tears start. Sometimes this happens, not when I have frowned at her, but when I have condoned her brother. She is convinced that it is impossible for me to love her if I also love him. In other words, if she is to belong, she feels someone else must be left out- her inclusion only counts if he has been excluded. Needless to say, I find this very distressing. This is not what I want for her or her brother. And this is not what I want for MWM. I do not want to lead a movement that makes people feel left out, or as if they are imposters, one that furthers the dominant narrative around belonging- that some are allowed in, while others aren’t. What to do?

I remember back to a project I ran before Mothers Who Make called Permission Improbable, a play on the macho action spy movies, Mission: Impossible.  The project, which I lead through Improbable, had the modest ambition of changing the world by supporting more women and non-binary people to improvise. Improvising, at its heart, is a game of permission-giving. In the absence of a writer or director - the usual authority figures - you have to practice giving your permission, saying yes, to the other players, the audience, to yourself- your impulses, feelings, thoughts. You never say no. It is not that every patch of grass in an impro scene can be trampled on, but rather that if someone puts up a ‘Do Not Walk Here’ sign everyone on stage says ‘yes’ to it, to the idea of it being part of the story. How ever many lawns are out of bounds, there is a deeper yes always at work- a common ground beneath the turf.

This presents a different model of permission-giving, not top-down, but reciprocal, and unconditional. We say yes to each other, and we say it together, without deliberation. Saying this deep yes to our ideas and impulses is not easy. We have been schooled to look outside ourselves, and upwards, for permission, and we have been trained to say ‘no’- sometimes with good reason. Sometimes ‘no’ keeps us alive. However too many ‘no’s may keep us less alive than we might be. It takes practice to say ‘yes’ but it is worth practicing. Arguably it is THE practice - the only thing you ever really have to practice, as a maker, as a mother- saying a deep “Yes.”

Image by Zoe Gardner @limberdoodle​

I remember there was a time as a teenager when I ruthlessly dismissed my mother’s opinion of anything I did. She was my mum, massively biased - she’d always think what I had made was good so her positive feedback didn’t count. Retrospectively I disagree with my teenage self - I believe my mother’s validation of me counted hugely. I think it always counts. There is a place for discernment, but not at the expense of the first, fundamental practice, the ‘yes’ that gets us over the threshold.

When framed in this way, I actually think I need to be more permissive with my children. I need to practice, every day, saying a deep ‘yes’ to them, even or especially in the moments I am not allowing them to do something. As their mother I am their initial threshold, my body was the border they crossed into life. It is my task to say ‘yes’ to them. Yes, you are allowed to be here. Yes, you belong. I realise the children, in their own way, always say this kind of deep ‘Yes’ back to me, even when they are telling me I am the worst mother in the world. I believe that if I can engage in this reciprocal, unconditional model of permission-giving, it can result in a form of belonging that is not ‘in’ or ‘out’, inclusion/ exclusion - not another binary, but an ongoing dynamic process called community. And that is how I want to run Mothers Who Make, and in particular how I want to run our ‘Matronage’ membership scheme.

Let me do a brief re-cap on the Matronage story for anyone who doesn’t know it. In 2019, after a year of writing funding applications for MWM to councils, trusts (the UK patrons of the arts) and receiving no money - money being the major way in which permission is granted or denied in our culture - I was tired. I wanted to find a way to sustain the movement that was in line with the movement, that supported women/ non-binary carers to support themselves and one another, so I launched the Matronage scheme - if we could reach 300 Matron Saints, paying £1 to 10 per month, we could just about keep going. So far, a year on, we have 150.

My vision for Matronage is to see if it is possible to run a membership scheme powered entirely by the impulse to include, not by patronising ‘exclusive, members-only offers.’ I want to build a scheme that is accessible to anyone, no matter their financial status. There are benefits for signing up as a MWM Matron, but the primary, underlying one is that in doing so you are performing a radical act of permission-giving. It is a way to say a deep, resounding YES, to yourself and to others who care about creating and create whilst caring. Yes, you have a right to be here, Yes, your caring matters, Yes, your making matters too. And, yes, if you are reading this, you belong, no matter what your gender identity is, what your making practice is or isn’t, no matter whether you have children or not. Because, whilst it is important to practice saying ‘yes’ to yourself and your ideas, I do not think it is possible to do it all alone. We do need permission from outside ourselves, but we can give it to each other. Even if, like me, you do not identify as being someone important enough to hand out a permit, actually you are- I see it every time I run a MWM meeting or Mother Den. We can allow each other to pass through to a place of belonging, and it is a practice - we must do it over and over again. Let’s call this process ‘being matronised.’

To become a Matron Saint, you can pay anything from £1 per month to £10 per month - you choose. Most people pay £3, but if you can afford it £5 or £10 is brilliant. If you can’t £1 is fine. And if you cannot afford any monetary contribution then you can get in touch and we can playfully, joyfully, shamelessly, work out another kind of offering that you can make. Money is the fastest, and ironically often the cheapest way of saying ‘yes!’ but there are many others.

For now, when you become a Matron Saint you can:

-Attend as many International MWM peer support meetings as you like.*

-Attend as many Mother Dens as you like.*

-Attend any of the MWM Specials.*

-Write a Matron Saint interview, published online, celebrating you and your caring and creating.

-Apply to our Mother Pot commissioning fund once we reach 300 Matron Saints (when this happens a month of our Matronage will go back out to the matrons).

-Take part in our peer-mentoring scheme when I manage to launch it (watch this space!)

-Last but not least, you will give yourself and others permission. Permission to step over whichever thresholds you are teetering on. Permission to belong. And here is a new idea to make this tangible: when you become a Matron I would like to post you a ‘book of permissions,’ a living document to which you can add and which you will pass on to the next Matron, and so and so forth - a way to matronise one another. Such a list reminds me of what is apparently the nation’s favourite poem - Warning- the one in which the poet (Jenny Joseph) lists the outrageous things she will permit herself to do when she grows old - wear purple, pick flowers in other peoples’ gardens, learn to spit. I want to read your equivalent lists for now - let’s not wait till we grow any older.

Here, then, are your questions for the month, and I hope you will feel able to sign up as a Matron, invite others to do so (all genders welcome, non-mothers too), and write your answers in the new MWM book:

What do you need in order to feel you belong? What permission are you waiting for? Can you give it to yourself? Can you give it to others? Can you say a resounding ‘Yes’ to whatever it is you want to create in this world?

To become a matron go here:

https://www.nowdonate.com/checkout/td65v9xn404udt23p91c

To sign up as a matron and offer something other than money email me: matilda@motherswhomake.org

*These particular matronly offers are, unless otherwise stated, open to women and non-binary folk only.

[eelsfeelgross]

Conclusions: Trans Activism v. Radical Feminism, a first-hand account

This is current stance after a lot of direct investigation on both radfems online and trans activists online. No group is judged based on the observations, rhetoric, or propaganda of any outside group, but from my own first-hand observations in combination with objective knowable facts such as actions known to be committed in public record by the likes of criminals or celebrities. However, the bulk of this is based on what I have seen, what I know to be true because it’s been done before my own eyes. While my conclusion may lack information on the more nitpicked aspects of things, I believe their overall impressions still hold true with the amount of experience I’ve had. Keep in mind: this is not my only account. I have dipped into the radfem community before, each time from a different perspective, at a different time, and with open eyes ready to receive whatever I was given. The same is true of the trans community.

Trans Activism

I want to make clear that these conclusions were mainly drawn from my direct experience with the trans community from within. I am not relying on critics of the trans ideology to tell me any of this, though they often echo the same concerns and observations.

The trans community has a serious problem with misogyny, homophobia, and sex denial. They employ magical thinking and emotional pleas to justify their conclusions and commit to arguments of definition that are ultimately lacking substance. However, while lacking rational, they are abundant with emotional reasoning and can be incredibly powerful rhetorical tools in convincing others to believe them without the necessary evidence of anything claimed.

This is especially prevalent when discussing sexual biology and sexual orientation. They consider self-harm to be the fault of other people, even in adults, and use this as a manipulation tactic to make it seem as if they’re being killed at higher rates than their general demographics. This plays hand in hand with the appropriation of statistics around things like racial violence or violence against sex workers to make it appear trans people, particularly white heterosexual (attracted to the opposite sex) trans women from the middle class of Amerca who aren’t victims of prostitution, are under much more persecution than their lived experiences actually reflects.

This has grown into a political ideology not dissimilar to a religion, but without the usual trappings we associate with a religious group. It requires blind faith in the concept of gender and the “life saving” virtues of expensive hormone treatments and plastic surgeries without proper regard for the risks and consequences of these procedures. Challenging the dogma or asking critical questions is considered a sin itself, even when done with excessive caution for other’s feelings. Violence towards known dissenting groups is considered not just ok, but admirable. Expressions of this desire for violence against the out-group is seen as virtuous to the point that doing it too much will be taken as virtue signalling rather than a sign of deep-seeded anger issues as it would for any other situation. Self-identity is their belief system, and public shame are their tools of punishment to control those within the belief system. Due to sex denial, females suffer especially in this paradigm no matter how they identify or what presentations they choose.

However,

Radical Feminism

Once again, I want to make clear that these conclusions were mainly drawn from my direct experience with the radfem community from within. I am not relying on critics of the radical feminist ideology to tell me any of this, though they may echo similar observations.

Radical feminism, as it exists today in action and not in theories from the 1990s, has a huge problem with transphobia, homophobia, and racism. The focus has shifted almost entirely from protecting women to attacking trans women, understandable on some level but counter-productive to all but the individual ego. There is a preoccupation with what women are “allowed” to do, rather than whether their actions and the consequences of those actions actually benefit the cause of anti-sexism. People feel entitled to be nasty, hurtful and even downright transphobic and homophobic if it means hurting their “enemies” somehow. I’m not sure if they fail to see the big picture or have just given up on caring, but it makes all their pleas for compassion and an end to the trans community’s homophobia seem pretty disingenuous.

This focus on “women deserve more as reparations”, when self-applied to the individual, does nothing to combat sexism as these self serving actions often do little to stop sexism and everything to benefit the individual currently existing within a sexist system. It totally ignores the vital role women play in perpetrating sexism through the generations, from mother to daughter or sister or sister or peer to peer through an intricate web of social pressures.Its not totally ignored mind you, but it is conveniently unaddressed whenever addressing it would prevent them from acting aggressive and toxic toward someone else. However others in the community who aren’t personally benefitting from this at the time will notice, thus leading to endless pointless arguments as the egos clash.

This hypocrisy undermines all attempts at broadening their reach to a new generation of women. Similarly, this toxic attitude undermines all opportunity for organization and real activism which requires a certain level of tolerance and the ability to give basic respect to those you don’t like or agree with. All those who do not tolerate such behavior will simply assume radical feminism must be a hate movement because all they see is vitriol and toxicity, no matter how justified the perpetrator feels about it or the underlying motivators. They will not take the time to read theory because they’ve already seen the practice and they have the sense to know it’s bad. Then when these newcomers see this bad behavior for what it is, they’re belittled or deprived of their agency for their decision to turn away from your movement, called things like “handmaidens” and accused of being either selfishly misogynistic or plainly brainwashed, driving them ever further away. The refusal to take responsibility for your own image and the consequences of your behavior under some false impression of ideological purity justifying it only further cements this takeaway outsiders have.

The most egregious example that comes to mind is the “queers” issue. Radfems are adamant about queer being slur, and they’re right. I myself grew up having queer flung at me by violent straight men and I’m not even that old. I feel no joy in the sanitation and generalization of the term. That is not reclamation, that is erasure and appropriation of pain. Most radfems agree on this wholeheartedly. That is, until you decide to spell it “kweer” and start flinging it at trans people who fit a particular homophobic stereotype: strange appearances, unorthodox body modifications like piercing and colored hair, unwashed, perverted to the point of being predatory, self important children who are just playing pretend to be different. All these qualities call back to the stereotype of queers, gays, and it is deeply intrenched in homophobia going back generations. And yet, while radfems would condemn the trans community for the appropriation of queer and its homophobic implications, they have no problem employing it as a slur when it suits their own toxic impulses.

Some even seem to believe that misspelling the word or being homosexual themselves absolves this. It does not. Anybody without the blinders of radfem internal rhetoric will quickly see past this nonsense. If the trans community came back and started calling radfems “diques” and associating the term with severely lesbophobic stereotypes like being unwashed or too ugly to get a man or any of the other countless stereotypes around the slur “dyke”, radfems would be rightly livid. Making a point to only target straight radfems with this insult would not make it any different. But addressing these kinds of hypocritical positions has become a taboo within the radfem community, yet another spark to relight the fires of senseless infighting.

This is the worst example I’ve personally seen, but it is not the only one. There’s also the tendency for radfems, desperate for others who are gender critical to connect with, to make alliances with right wing conservatives despite their racism and homophobia simply because they’re also transphobic but for completely different reasons. And also a tendency to be much more forgiving of misogyny coming from these new “allies” that will glady destroy you too once trans people are out of the way. But I will not labor my point any further by bringing up everything all at once. Regardless, for those who harp on and on about getting to the root of the problem, the moment anyone suggests you try getting to the root of your own problems, taking accountability and making changes, all that self-righteous posturing seems to go out the window just like it does in the trans community. You’ve become a reflection of what you hate in an attempt to combat it, and it will be the death of your movement if you don’t make a serious effort to reform these behaviors and distance yourself from those who employ these forms of rhetoric.

It’s a harsh fact, but the world at large does not care what you deserve, just like sexual biology doesn’t care about your personal feelings about your sex. It just doesn’t. That’s why patriarchy exists in the first place. It is your job as a social movement to use your words and actions to convince them to care. That is what the trans community has managed to do successfully, in my opinion often for the wrong reasons but successfully nonetheless, but such things do not stroke the ego of the individual radfem and therefore simply doesn’t happen in an organized, ideology-wide manner. Small islands of rational stand isolated in a sea of this pointless vitriol, and alone they are hopeless against the attacks against radical feminism born from the trans community and their sex denial that leads to egregious misogyny.

Conclusion

When it comes to the underlying theory, the ideological core, I find that radical feminism has the best chance of growing to become a social movement for genuinely good change in the world, particularly for women and women-loving-women specifically. Trans ideology, in my opinion, is inherently flawed as its core tenants require faith in what one cannot prove and a rejection of science that doesn’t support said faith.

Trans ideology as it exists in 2020 is more akin to religion than science, and has proven its capability to do harm through its use of magical thinking and distorted points of view that constantly shift and change to make space for the core trans ideology to be “correct”. Core ideas such as: sex is either fake or less relevant than gender, that gender is an objective fact of the human psyche, that others failing to fix your own poor mental health are responsible for your harm or death, that transition is always a good idea if someone wants it and no gatekeeping should be performed regarding using plastic surgery to treat mental discomforts, and so on. Remove all these ideas, and the whole thing falls apart.

Meanwhile, removing the toxicity of the radfem community as it exists now will not destroy its underlying core beliefs. Its just that the current people who advertise themselves as radfems and take up that mantle do not actually follow the core ideology of their own movement when it doesn’t benefit them. It has been infiltrated and run amok with bad faith actors who abuse the movement for personal gain, whether they are aware of it or not. And with their combination of being excessively vocal and lacking any shame for their misdeeds, more and more are drawn into their toxic games to the point that the ones who actually speak to the spirit of the core theory get drowned out or attacked to the point none will associate with them openly. The ones who actually know the theory and practice it end up effectively shunned from a community that widely hasn’t even read the theory and thinks hating trans people and thinking pussy = superior makes them a radfem. And thus, by allowing this, that is what radical feminism has become in practice. No amount of appealing to that core philosophy will matter if the actual people don’t apply that theory properly.

So my conclusion? Radical feminism has the greatest potential for good, but it is grossly unrealized and will remain that way without radical internal changes. However, if anyone is equipped to get to the root of the problem and make a radical change it should be radfems. Or at least, the good faith radfems who aren’t abusing the movement, of which I’m convinced have become the minority of radfems in the present day. Perhaps it is time for feminism to once again branch off, not to try returning to the 2nd wave but to set the stage for a true 4th wave as many have talked about. A 4th wave that is based on the foundations set by 2nd wave feminist thinkers, but forward thinking, self-critiquing, and not limited by the hangups of the last wave. I guess only time will tell what radfems value more: their egos in attachment to the idea of identifying as a radfem, or the effective dis-empowerment of patriarchy through organized effort at the expense of satisfying your personal vendettas against all men.

[deletevanlis]

WHITE FOLKS: Racism is an institutionalized system that all white people benefit from and are guilty of playing a part in. It is a spectrum of learned prejudices that lead to violence against Black and Brown bodies. Even us liberals have blind spots and contribute to the suppression of BIPOC people by nature of our white privilege. Which doesn’t mean we don’t have struggles. It just means our skin colour is not, and will never be, the reason why. Because of structural racism, we have unfair advantages set up for us. We can do a great number of basic activities without fearing for our lives.

And racism is not always overt or limited to individual acts of discrimination. The myth that it is, along with the heteronormative patriarchy, teaches white feminists (including the LGBTQ identified) not to see ourselves as oppressors, which is dangerous. “But but but… I’m a queer leftist. I’m not racist. I had a mixed Native grandpa. Half my family are immigrants. I experience xenophobia.” But but but…. I’m still part of the problem. These statements were made as poor excuses for not doing enough work. A way to self appoint superiority as “one of the good ones”. I am deeply sorry for that. Without realizing it, I was weaponizing my type of whiteness and hurting BIPOC in the process. Not being a WASP doesn’t get me off the hook.

I also recognize that calling myself out, and sharing platitudes is not enough. In doing so, I am still centring my experience. And being an ally is not about white feelings or comfort. It’s about a lifetime of having difficult conversations and self educating without expecting praise or points for doing so. It’s about taking a look in the mirror, taking some hard-to-swallow pills, and then taking action.

So what are some things we can do? Follow and amplify BIPOC voices. Listen without adding or getting defensive. Donate your time, money, skills, bodies, and platforms towards building opportunities and creating safe spaces. Check in on your Black friends. Don’t have any? Unpack that. Read, know the history, and support media by BIPOC folks. And much more. Links to educational resources and funds to donate to in bio.

Artwork: @sallustration by natvanlis

[a-political-wingnut]

Label me Human Part 2

These are my labels:

feminist

asexual

female

student

sister

daughter

cousin

millennial

student

sales associate

I have these labels. These are little clues I help others navigate around me, and likewise they can help me navigate the world...I can use them to find a group of in my area of study to talk with, or if I’m feeling upset about the housing market-I can go vent at my peers.

In this manner, as traffic signs or a sort of gps, these labels are helpful, but I am not defined by them.

They are not the sum of my parts, but pieces of a greater whole.

And this true of all these labels. Labels that we give ourselves, bestow on others, or have bestowed on us by our peers can and never will give a complete picture.

I am defined not by a list of words, but by my ideas, my words, and most importantly my actions, and the choices that I make with the time that is given to me.

This is true of everyone I think. [citation needed]

We are more than mere labels. At least I hope we are, because these labels while useful can also be detrimental. I’ve already covered this, so I wont spend too much time on it. But while these labels can serve as guidelines helping us navigate the messy traffic of life, they can marginalize people and create division within communities that need each other to be allies.

And labels themselves can be warped by perceptions and biases making something once wholesome and maybe even beneficial, toxic and detrimental.

How we behave while touting these labels, is what makes the difference.

The meaning of labels can change. Someone once wholesome and beneficial can be warped by prejudice and biases, until it becomes a twisted and toxic mockery of its former definition.

A prime example of this is feminism. Feminism by it’s very definition is a movement that supports equality for men and women. That’s what the movement actually fights for. However...a lot of people have decided that Feminism should instead be a movement that elevates women above men, as if women are shining beacons of purity or something, which they most certainly are not. As a woman I can confidently say women have the capacity to be terrible people.

Feminism is shifting away a movement that supports equality, and toward a club of misandrists who support and actively try to subjugate men. Which is a horrible thing to do.

Labels can be dangerous. Dangerous people, like irate misandrist can take them as their own, and derail entire movements, completely undermining the benefits those movements might have given.

And because they call themselves Feminists it becomes very hard to call them out on their bigotry because they can turn around go “woah there, I’m a Feminist fighting for the rights of the suppressed,” and becasue of that shield they become untouchable, and their prejudices have become scarily widespread hear on Tumblr and across other media platforms as well.

Misandry is not Feminism. It’s bigotry plain and simple. And Feminism is a movement that supports equality for both men and women. They are not the same thing, but until we stop allowing bigoted, hateful, and ignorant women to call themselves Feminists this will continue to be a problem.

Martin Luther King Jr. Could tell you, that you can’t fight fire with fire. That turning around and treating the misogynists with hatred and disdain, threatening to, if not actively seeking to strip them of their autonomy does nothing but prove that women and Feminists in particular really are monsters.

So thanks ladies. Thanks a bunch.

Thanks for making Women’s Suffrage look like a crock of hooey. Very helpful. And for making men feel like they’re under threat and need to defend themselves, making it harder to convince them to help us, becasue we really do need their help, you know, since they’re a part of society and have an easier time being taken seriously by other men than we women do-since the stereotype of the manipulative woman playing the victim card is still a thing-.. and I can’t imagine why that would be the case when those same poor defenseless victims turn around and start talking about exterminating, subjugating, or enslaving men-like I just can’t imagine why that mentality might persist. So again thank you for making the path to equality so much more difficult. Because it so bloody easy to walk before. Thanks.

And how you behave when you say you’re a feminist or X/Y//Z-or any label matters. It matters a great deal, because in that moment you become a face and a spokesperson for a group of people, and your behaviour is what they’ll remember long after your words have faded. If you support a marginalized group and you’re turning around and trying to marginalize others, you’re doing a disservice to your group.

Another example is Veganism (Yes I’m Vegan too-I did say I’d probably forgotten some labels lol) When Vegans treat animals with more respect than people, there’s a problem. There’s a problem with that individual’s mindset, certainly, but with the group as a whole if people within that community aren’t stepping forward to say, “we don’t support that kind of hatred/behaviour. We recognize that humans are animals too.”

I’m not going to say labels don’t matter. They absolutely do. But how you use them, when/if you use them matters more. There’s nothing wrong with an angry Vegan, or a furious Feminist.

But there is something wrong if that anger is used to spread hatred, bigotry, or violence. A label does not give you rightful claim to any moral high-ground if you start perpetuating bigotry or violence. And the moment you do so, you debase yourself. You lose all credibility and moral integrity.

The moment you start using labels or allow others to use labels to foster hatred and bigotry, you become a part of the problem not the solution.

Thanks Misandrists. Thanks PETA. (Side note: PETA was the reason I hated Vegans. For years. I hated them...until I became one because Caitlin Shoemaker and Unnatural Vegan showed me that not all Vegans are PETA, or endorse PETA.)

There are rational vegans. There are rational Feminists. Every group has their sinners and saints. And now that I’ve gone off about the hypocrites utilizing those moments for malicious gains.

Labels are important. I’ll say it again. But they should not be everything. There’s a time and a place to tell someone you’re a Vegan. There’s a time and a place to say you fall under the LGBTQA umbrella. There are times when those signs need to be made visible for one’s own benefit, and the for the benefit of a group or movement at large.

How one behaves while donning them matters.

But so does there usage. You can’t be non-binary and female at the same time. Being non-binary means you’re neither male or female, and I kid you not I saw this mistake made by someone yesterday. I’m not gonna link this, because I don’t need or want anyone who reads this to go after them. I have a gut feeling it’s a young person too. And I’ve seen the deplorable behaviour of adults on here, so I’ll address it myself.

Labels have clearly defined meanings, and that’s very important. The people who use those labels need those meanings to be as clear and concise as possible. They need those labels, because they are the shortest and simplest way to tell someone what you are or what you stand for.

Like which political party someone belongs to. Democrats and Republicans are not the same. That’s not to say there aren’t people who side with both on certain topics. But when you think Republican there’s a very clear image of a republican that comes to mind. Alt-Right likewise conjures something else. Labels need to be clear cut and as easy to understand as possible.

It’s important that they don’t get used in the wrong way, or that five different labels aren’t being used to mean the same thing. The latter, especially, muddies the water. And there are people in this world who might not what trans means, or what asexual, or non-binary means, and it’s important that labels be used appropriately and in the right context. Because the definition of the labels we use to define ourselves with matters.

And this brings me back to my main point. I sure know how to go a tangent lol. (Seriously. I’m sorry about that, but seeing people using labels to justify bigotry infuriates me like nothing else.)

Labels should not be treated as the whole sum of a person’s parts. It’s not good if they are. People are complicated and their thoughts and behaviors are messy. And I don’t believe anyone should able to stuff to themselves under a small umbrella of  words and acronyms and go: “Yup, that is me.”

I honestly hope that’s not the case. There should be an ‘and’ in  there somewhere. Lots of ‘ands’ all of which put together begin to paint a clear picture of who a person might be.

So these are my labels:

feminist

asexual

female

student

sister

daughter

cousin

millennial

student

sales associate

vegan (this applies to my everyday life and I missed it lmao)

These are facets of a person. Glimpses through a dusty window at the room inside. I am all of these labels, and I am so much more. I am me. I am Squirrel. I am human.

We are all human. And before someone looks at us and sees a straight person, a queer person, or a vegan, they’ll see our face, hear our words, and witness our actions. It is how we interact with our fellow humans that defines us.

[featheredglasspen]

Review: A Thousand Beginnings and Endings by Ellen Oh and Elsie Chapman

A Thousand Beginnings and Endings by Ellen Oh and Elsie Chapman is an anthology retelling of East and South Asian mythology through various female voices. Review under the cut.

Rating:  ★ ★ ★ 1/2

The description of this is a little short, but that’s because, like I said, it’s an anthropology. Anthology means that there are several stories inside this small one.  This is definitely one of the better YA short story collections I have read. As with all anthologies, some stories are much stronger than others, but I enjoyed far more than I disliked. Plus, it was just so great to see the exploration of mythologies we don’t often see in the mainstream. And, honestly, it's just so refreshing to see fantasy stories outside of the vaguely-Medieval Euro-centric books we've come to expect. There's a whole world of fascinating history and culture out there - it's time to explore it! My average rating over the fifteen stories was 3.7. Now I will rate each one and discuss my thoughts on them. This is going to be a long one so buckle up!

Forbidden Fruit by Roshani Chokshi - 5 stars

The collection gets off to a bang with this gorgeous Filipino fairy tale and love story. I didn't love Chokshi's first novel The Star-Touched Queen, but I have to say that her flowery, poetic writing works MUCH better in a short story. It's lush and vivid, raising goosebumps along my arms at its end. A goddess falls in love with a human man - oh, what could possibly go wrong?

Olivia’s Table by Alyssa Wong - 4 stars

This was a little strange, but in the best possible way. Wong takes on the Chinese Hungry Ghost Festival in her story. A young girl who has lost her beloved mother makes it her duty to feed crowds of ghosts. It's a tale about grief, told in sweet, subtle interactions. There is something so wonderful and sad about this uniting of the living and the dead through food.

Steel Skin by Lori M. Lee - 3.5 stars

If I was rating the ending alone, this would probably get five stars. It's a science-fiction story with androids, but also about grief and the loss of a loved one. There's the familial aspect: the narrator's relationship with her father hasn't been the same since her mother died; and also a mystery aspect: she teams up with a friend to uncover the truth behind the androids that were recalled. For the most part, I glided through the story, kinda enjoying it but not really loving it like the previous two. And then the ending happened. Perfection.

Still Star-Crossed by Sona Charaipotra - 2 stars

It's a shame about this one because it took some interesting steps but stopped very abruptly and strangely. I turned the page and was shocked to discover that it was over! It's a Punjabi folktale retelling and the author's explanation for the story was really interesting, but I didn’t think her intentions came across at all. The main guy was pretty creepy, too.

The Counting of Vermillion Beads by Aliette De Bodard - 4 stars

Like a lot of these stories, this one was quite weird. Though I found myself really liking it. I also found myself doing some reading into the Vietnamese story of Tam and Cam, which starts like something of a Cinderella tale, in which a jealous sister envies the other's beauty and it leads to tragedy. Here, Bodard rewrites it with a more positive spin, showing the power of sibling love above all else.

The Land of the Morning Calm by E. C. Myers - 5 stars

Aww. This was one seriously emotional, beautiful story about loss and gaming. As gaming is such an important part of Korean culture, it was great to see it explored here. And while I usually find video game-centred stories too light and silly, Myers did a fantastic job of showing how a game can be really important for someone. It can be a much-needed escape, a creativity outlet, or a doorway to an unending universe. I liked this story so much because it took something I don't usually love and did something new and deeply moving with it.

The Smile by Aisha Saeed - 4 stars

Well, I always like a good feminist fairytale! And I LOVE what Saeed did with this one. She takes a tragic love story and rewrites it to give a king's courtesan choice, freedom and agency. It's a gorgeously-written South Asian addition, and somehow both happy and sad. Happy, because it is about a woman finally getting to make her own choices and understanding what love really is. But sad, because much must be given up for the sake of freedom.

Girls Who Twirl and Other Dangers by Preeti Chhibber - 3 stars

This was okay. I enjoyed the alternating between Hindu myths and a modern-day celebration of Navaratri, a holiday I had never heard of before. But, though educational, I didn't feel as much of a spark with this one as I did with the others. It was light, but fairly bland. It seemed a little too long, too.

Nothing into All by Renée Ahdieh - 4 stars

I really enjoyed this one! It's a retelling of the Korean folktale Goblin Treasure and I loved what the author did with it. A girl makes a trade for goblin magic so she can achieve her dream of going away to music school, but her brother becomes angry that she isn't using the magic to make gold that could benefit the family. It's a tale about siblings, forgiveness, the decisions we make and how bad actions can be hiding a good person.

Spear Carrier by Rahul Kanakia - 2 stars

Too long and emotionless for my tastes. I felt like this story was droning on and on in parts, and I neither learned something new from it, nor experienced an emotional response to it. The protagonist goes on and on about wanting to be a hero, and about life and death, and I just took so little away from reading it.

Code of Honor by Melissa de la Cruz - 2 stars

There was a definite slip right around this later middle part of the book. My two least favourite stories were lumped together here. Melissa de la Cruz's work seemed to be a companion to her Blue Bloods series, which I have not read and don't particularly have any interest in. This story was about Filipino aswangs - vampire witches - and contained a lot of gore and gruesomeness, but not a lot of emotion. A potentially interesting concept that left me feeling cold.

Bullet, Butterfly by Elsie Chapman - 4 stars

Gorgeous. Chapman retells the Chinese tale of the Butterfly Lovers - a "tragic tale of two young lovers kept apart by familial duty". Set during a war, this reimagining sees a boy posing as a girl and falling in love with another girl called Zhu. The author breathes new life into a very old concept - that of forbidden love and being torn between duty and what your heart truly wants. Beautifully-written with a touching ending.

Daughter of the Sun by Shveta Thakrar - 4 stars

Inspired by two stories from The Mahabharata, this is a powerful feminist tale about sticking to your guns and putting your true passion first. Always. I loved reading about the two stories this was based on - about “Savitri and Satyavan” and “Ganga and Shantanu”. The theme of a smart woman cleverly tricking a god or demon or jinni seems to come up a lot in South Asian folktales and I must confess: I like it.

The Crimson Cloak by Cindy Pon - 5 stars

Oh, I loved this! I'm not sure why but I sometimes love it when the narrator speaks directly to the reader with a conspiratorial wink (You can never out wait a goddess, Dear Reader. I have all the time in the world.). In this, Pon retells “The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl”, which is itself a wonderful folktale, but here becomes even more so. It's very romantic, definitely a love story, but it's a good one. The author gives a voice to the mostly silent weaver girl in this version, allowing her to tell the story from her perspective. 

Eyes like Candlelight by Julie Kagawa - 4 stars

I wonder if this story has anything to do with Kagawa's upcoming novel Shadow of The Fox because it is also about foxes (well, kitsunes, to be precise). Takeo, the protagonist in this story, is an extremely likable hero and we get pulled along for an adventure with one of Japan's most loved mythical creatures: kitsunes. Typically, human/fox shapeshifters. It's also a little creepy, too. Kagawa captures the eerie small-town setting perfectly and, let's not lie, there's something deeply unsettling about never knowing whether a human is really a human or something else.

Overall, this was a stunning anthology. I would really love to see more fantasy short story collections exploring mythologies around the world with own voices authors. If you like fantasy and you like short stories, I highly recommend these.

Until next time.

[for-ghosts-like-me]

stream of consciousness venting about roommate bullshit post

tldr: my roommates asked me to move out before the lease is up because me asking them to hold themselves accountable for their shitty behavior is somehow worse than their shitty behavior 

One of the most exhausting things about being someone who has a reputation of being quiet and so nice is that when I stand up for myself people are like “this isn’t the Janet I know, you’ve changed!” and it’s like nah bro, this is how I felt all along you just didn’t hear about it yet because I operate my relationships with the understanding that you’re gonna be empathetic and hold yourself accountable for your actions the same way I do. I love to give people the benefit of the doubt because I always look for the best in people. But I’m fucking tired, there is no more benefit of the doubt to give, you’ve dried up the well. 

There is such a double standard with the people I live with and I am so over it. My one roommate never cleans or does anything for other people and then one day he finally will and he will make sure everyone knows about it. Meanwhile I take care of other people pets, clean up other peoples messes, etc all the time without being asked and then our other roommate comes at me that I don’t do enough. Like you’re pointing your finger at the wrong person. He’s allowed to punch holes in walls when he’s upset and never own up to the fact that how he acts makes others uncomfortable, but God forbid I finally stand up for myself. He can punch walls and we need to feel sorry for him. But me communicating my feelings is crossing a line. 

They’re basically like “Just go back to being quiet Janet, this isn’t the friend we though we had in you. Don’t get upset when we decide to do things without you on your birthday, you telling us that upsets you is exponentially worse than us excluding you how dare you speak up. Him punching walls is his coping mechanism but you calling him out for it is so much worse how could you be such a horrible friend to this 26 year old man who throws temper tantrums like a child. Have you no respect for the fact that his parents said no to him as a child? Do his sob stories about his childhood that sound like very average experiences mean nothing to you you heartless bitch? His teacher once told him to stop doing something he knew he shouldn’t be doing when he was in elementary school and that stuck with him man, why aren’t you feeling more sorry for him like everyone else? His best friend raped someone in high school but it just didn’t matter to him so why can’t you see him as a feminist icon because he finally stopped being friends with him nearly ten years later because that friend was better at throwing frisbees than him? He’s a man who isn’t afraid to cry, why can’t you praise him like every other woman in his life?” (The teacher story was true and legit something he thought was relevant to bring up when the rest of us were talking about times adults let us down when we were kids)(And I WISH I was making up the rapist friend story but he really did say the words “It just didn’t matter” in reaction to when his friend told him he had raped someone. It’s also a story I don’t think our other roommate or his gf know about and it’s taken me a lot of self control to not be like “btw his best friend raped someone and he was more than chill about it! How does that make you feel?”)

Like he can get upset and everyone jumps to baby him and I get upset and everyone is just like wow when did Janet become such a bitch. I’m over it. And I don’t understand why I am the one being told I make others uncomfortable so it would be best if I moved out before the lease is up. Like this is literally insane. I’m not moving out early because the roommate who said she’d cover my rent for me to move out early literally told that to our old roommate and then months later changed her mind and wanted a large sum of money that our old roommate didn’t have because she trusted her to not be shady. 

I sent a message to the roommate group chat that I plan to follow the lease agreement and as I type this I can literally hear my roommate stomping around, hitting things, and slamming doors. HOW AM I THE PROBLEM???????

Do they need my sob stories so then I am free to act however the fuck I want when I’m upset? Like I don’t get it. I’m studying to become a social worker and I’ve been to therapy, like I’ve literally studied and worked on how to manage interpersonal conflict. I’m still no expert but it’s not like I’m coming out the gate being rude af when I’m communicating my feelings with them. My empathy and accountability that everyone loved me for in the beginning of this friendship is still fucking there even when I’m communicating my feelings when I’m upset. It makes no fucking sense to me that I’m made out to be the bad guy. Like I used to be very into avoiding conflict too but I never reacted violently or gaslit any one like my roommates do. 

When I moved into this house three years ago I was the happiest I’d ever been. We didn’t have the wall punching roommate at the time, my other two best friends lived here and I never felt so at home before. It feels so bizarre to me that he moved into our home and immediately felt so entitled to act however he wanted and bring physical aggression into our house of love and friendship and that our other roommate embraced that with open arms. It makes me so sad that this is what my last few months of living in my favorite place I’ve ever lived is like. 

[channiespeach]

Volume 3: Jisung

genre: STRAY KIDS HOW TO TRANSITION A FUCKBOI SERIES (college! fuckboy! stray kids au) ~gif: @sstraykids

word count: 1.8k

prompt: You’ve been assigned a partner project, which is the biggest grade of the year, that’ll either benefit you or destroy you. To your dismay, you’ve been assigned with no other than the biggest fuckboy on campus, himself, who’ll contribute in absolutely nothing. You have one of two options; throw your life down the drain and fail, or have the project become more bearable by making him fall in love with you, somehow. Follow these steps and you’ll be guaranteed in having the fuckboy swooning over you.

~

Step three: Make them apologize

In attempt to relieve some stress, my roommate suggested to hop some on-campus parties. I just about took her up on her offer, because maybe I’ll loosen up a bit by getting a few cute university boys’ numbers and the alcohol taking off some of the edge, will prevent me from being so pissed off all the time. I was pretty optimistic, up until I spotted a wild, Jisung across the room from me. Of course, only the biggest fuckboy on campus would be found in his natural bound habitat. 

“I think it’s time to find another party” I nudged Eri, motioning her towards Jisung’s direction. I felt the mixture of components in my cup leaving a flavor distaste in my throat, when I’d caught the sight of Jisung making out with a random girl beside him. 

“Oh, lighten the fuck up! You need something stronger in your cup” Eri rolled her eyes at me, snatching away my cup and handing it over to Chanyeol, for fixating. I nodded in agreement, sipping the cup’s stronger elements eagerly, when it had returned. I winced, reeling back from my cup and truly began feeling it’s sinful effects, taking over me. Sobriety disappearing itself from my body, I re-observed my surroundings. My glossed-over eyes sparkled, landing on a handsome stranger, appearing to be one of Jisung’s friends. The silver-haired cutie didn’t appear to be having a good time, swishing around the liquor in his red cup, blandly. He was disengaged from his active friends, standing several feet away from them and shooing away a few intoxicated, overly- stimulated females, nearing his direction. 

“You’ve been staring over my direction for an awfully long time, love. Need something?” Jisung purred in my ear. I must’ve been in a daze for quite awhile, for him to dismiss the girl from earlier, in order to approach me. 

“Just two things” I’d caught the lonesome boy’s attention from across the room, but reverted my roaming eyes over to Jisung, irritably. 

“Which are?” A smirk played across Jisung’s pink lips. He rested his weight on the wall behind me, arms on either side of my head, as he lent over my drunken form, at an uncomfortably close distance. 

“First off, did you end up finishing your part of the entries?” I pushed away his arrogant form, almost spilling my drink. 

“Unfortunately, yes. I hope you do know that you got in the way of my time with Jihyo” Jisung’s tone was laced with amusement at my actions, as he raised his eyebrows at me with his given statement. 

“God forbid, coming in the way of Jisung’s meaningless little hook-ups! Even though, there’s responsibilities that need to be taken care of outside of that”  I retaliated. “Anyways, what I’m mainly concerned about is your lonely friend over there. Is he single?” I turned Jisung’s body over towards his solo friend. 

“Who, Chan? Yeah, he’s got nothing going on” Jisung flatly stated, taking a swig from his drink. 

“Sweet!” I fist bumped the air, in an overly joyful manner, getting ready to near Chan’s direction. 

“I wouldn’t go for him, if I were you. He has a lot of girls on his tail” Jisung stepped in front of me, halting my movements. 

“As if you’re any better! I just saw him dismiss over five girls within the hour” I spat at him, shooing him to move aside. 

“Believe me, he’s just like me. I just happen to be more discreet with my intentions. Either way, he’ll just chew you up and spit you out” Jisung shook his head at me, continuing to defend his argument. 

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Since when does a fuck boy like you, take women’s feelings into consideration, especially mine of all people?” I crossed my arms, inquisitively. 

“Everything has a warning label” He threw his arms up defensively, stepping off to the side and allowing me to continue my administrations. I happily strode past him and asked the unaccompanied boy, by the name of Chan to dance. 

Long story short, the rest was all a blur, but I succeeded in getting his number.

sexy mf from the party: Had a great time with you last night! Thanks for accompanying me, btw. I thought I was just about to go crazy, until you came! Hope to get to know you more in a quieter and sober situation, sometime soon? :) 

A loud ding sounding from my phone, had awoke me. Prying open my eyes, I groaned from the faint sunlight seeping through my curtains, attacking at my irises and adding more tension to my headache. I reached for my phone, checking what the commotion’s all about, seeing a text from the cute boy last night and a few irrelevant messages from Jisung, about meeting this evening. Yikes, I needed to update his name. I sent Chan a quick text in agreement and to let me know a day he’s free. Feeling satisfied with my previous response, I read over Jisung’s messages, that had a mandatory ring to them for us to meet this evening. Choosing not to respond to him, since he was pretty dead- set on meeting at a specific time and place, I began getting ready for the day. 

Jisung planned for us to continue our revisions at a nearby cafe, down the street from our university. Coffee sounded idealistic for my hungover state, so I was more than content with Jisung’s proposition. 

“What do you want?” Jisung greeted me, when I’d entered the cafe and gotten in line, shifting his body towards the menu. 

“I’m a strong and independent woman, that needs no man to pay for me!” l disregarded his offer, shuffling through my things, in a hunt for my wallet. 

“Ladies first, then” Jisung chuckled, stepping back and swaying out his hand, in courtesy. 

“Hm, I’ll have to take you up on that offer” I trudged past him and placed my order. 

chan: Will do, love :) Can’t wait! 

“Y/N!” The barista called out, indicating my drink’s ready. I left behind my things at the table with Jisung, and scampered to get my coffee. I came back, nearly being gone for a split second, seeing Jisung hunched over the table while glancing at my phone. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” I stopped in my tracks, standing in front of the counter-top and catching him off guard. 

“I’m telling you, don’t fuck with him. He’s saying the same things to several other females” Jisung warned me, continuing with his crazy assumptions about Chan. 

“My personal affairs don’t concern you!” I snapped at him, my grip tightening on my cup. 

“Delete his number!” Jisung commanded.

“Or what?” I scoffed, my tone coming across bitterly. I was quick to snatch my phone off the table and stuff it in my jacket pocket, before he could think twice. 

“Jesus Christ, why do you have so many pins?” Jisung exclaimed, referring to my bag filled with numerous overly-priced feminist pins. I studied his movements wearily, preparing for an impulse of his actions to occur. Before I could stop him, he reached for one of the pins, in attempt to remove one swiftly. Instead, he ended up breaking it, snapping the metal hook in half. Knowing my luck, of course it had to be my favorite one. 

“You idiot!” I threw my drink down, taking the tiny pin out of his grasp to examine the damage. “Say you’re fucking sorry!” I demanded. As dramatic as it sounds, when I heard the metal clip snap, I felt my heart shatter with it. So when I say that I’m devastated about my favorite pin being broken, it’s an understatement, because my little sister gave it to me and it was the first gift she’s ever given me, so that tiny pin had lots of value to me. 

“Calm down, it’s just a pin! It’s not that big of a deal!” Jisung defended himself. “I mean you can always buy a new one, just like it” He continued, shrugging off towards the fact that he’d been destructive towards another’s things. 

“You know, the things that people have to say about you are more than accurate. You’re incredibly self-absorbed and the little care you do have for the world is only towards yourself, it’s honestly nauseating. You need to grow the fuck up and get over yourself!” I threw the fragmented pin at him, reverting attention from the other customers in the coffee shop. “And don’t worry about the entries. I’ll take care of them, since you did all the work last time” I concluded, while gathering the rest of my things and storming out. 

me: hopefully, you won’t be too busy for me this upcoming week :)

I’d successfully avoided Jisung’s presence for the past few days, by leaving class early and not initiating into his eye contact. I wasn’t going to brush him off for forever of course, but I intended to only associate with him, unless absolutely necessary. Today, being no different, I packed my things ahead of time and stumbled out of the classroom frantically, when dismissed. 

“Y/N! Wait up!” Jisung called for me, grabbing a hold of my wrist, seconds later. He must’ve caught onto my game.

“What do you want from me?” I yanked my arm from him, blowing my hair away from my features in a desperate manner. I piped myself in again, before he could remark, “–Just save it! I think it’s best we just associate with one another, only when necessary, until we’re finished with this goddamn thing. So here’s the journal, it’s–” 

“Won’t you listen for just this once in your life?” Jisung shut me up. “Look, I owe you an apology. I had some time to think and I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for being so careless and destructive with your things, it was wrong of me. I’m also sorry for upsetting you, so much. I know it’s not quite exact, but I looked in every urban outfitters around, including online. I even resulted to searching on craigslist. But, this was the best I could find” Jisung dug deep into his jean pockets, pulling out a pin similar to the one he’d broken. He reached for my hand, placing it in my palm, while enclosing my grip around the small gadget. He bowed and gave me a heartbreaking smile, before disappearing. 

Now, it was my turn to be the one left stumbled in their own path. 

masterlist 🍒

[mastabas-and-mushussu]

Love is always a very awkward conversation. I've had a lot of talks about it with various people, not just concerning my own relationships. I knew a girl with nine siblings in middle school, even more worryingly thin than I was, who picked up the slack where her mom couldn't. It's been an ongoing project over the course of several years between my dad and I to try to define love in a clear, logical way. I have a friend who dated a suicidal boy because she didn't want him to kill himself, and it was one of the unhealthiest relationships I've ever seen, second only to perhaps the story of a man who loved his son and tried to beat the sociopathy out of him. I've had happy accidents, like living for a lonely four months in Spain and getting a housemate who was absolutely torn up about his sexuality, and telling him about my own experiences. I can't say I've gone through the same sort of stress as other LGBT people, but. Comparing pain is sort of pointless to begin with. It was enough that I understood, cared, and did my best to help when I had the chance. My relationship with my mother is complicated, in that she loves me with a fiery passion but expresses it through control. She feels responsible for my actions in a way that... doesn't function well. There is no line between personal and professional action, and a lot of times I feel more like her psychiatric patient without the benefit of a professional distance. She resents me, is confused by my actions, and frustrated. She loves me and only wants me to be my best, so by her logic I should just do everything she says, but it really isn't that simple. I'm 21 years old with my own life, and I'm afraid of her calling the police on me or banging unexpectedly on my door. I am comfortable with who I am. LGBT in a three year strong relationship, pagan and more certain of it than I ever was just shadowing my mother at church, fairly decent looking aside from the scars and split ends, capable of quite a few basic things and able to learn anything I need to. My anxiety stems from how other people respond to me, and my history. That's hardly unique, more a simple fact. I started this post off my saying that love is complicated, and I meant it. I've been listening to a lot of documentaries today, reading about gay history. I ran into a particularly misogynistic story that made me physically ill in a way that stories usually never do, and it made me think. It made me think about my mother, who's fierce and professional and feminist, but who admitted to me once that if I ever turned out lesbian she would outright sob over having failed in her duty to save my soul. It made me think about my dad, who's definitely not sure what to make of my sexuality (I came out to him) but doesn't care about making it his business either so long as I'm careful and safe. Acceptance from someone who's just starting to untangle his culturally trained misogyny, and isn't that funny? People are complicated. Just take a brief glance in a neurology textbook, or a psychology textbook. The ways we learn by building associations in particular fascinates me. It explains a lot, to me. Love is complicated. The Greeks had multiple words for it, Eros and Agape and Philia and Storge. We have multiple ways of referring to it in English, too. Roughly 220,000 words are in the Oxford dictionary, but I still haven't found a good way to describe how I feel when I see other people trying their hardest out of good intentions and having it go terribly, awfully wrong, without any possibility of understanding. I don't understand everything. I definitely don't claim to. But it's a gift that I understand what little I do, and I'll keep trying to understand what I do not. I hope other people will do the same. And I hope that little by little, some of the solipsism will be filed away from the world. Not everyone will accept everything. Not everyone is willing to be conscious of the ways their actions affect others. Maybe I'm a naïve idiot venting my rare moment of optimism. I didn't really have a plan when I started writing this, you know? I just have this aching fire in my chest. For myself, for the people I've met, for every time I've seen one person blank faced and going through what amounts to a "Windows.exe has stopped working" every time their locked-in worldview is faced with strange and alien data. It's definitely not going to change anytime soon. But hey. At least the government will let me get gay married. That's more than I expected, I'm kind of curious to see what will come next. Which will be put a stop to first, gay people and non-whites getting lynched in the next county over, or pagan merchants being run out of town? Does anybody actually listen to questions like that, or just nod and smile as they recycle their plastics and move on?

[femmesfollesnebraska]

Artist Feature: Holly Wong

Thrilled to feature this q-and-a with artist Holly Wong...

1.       Where are you from? 

I am from North Miami Beach Florida which is a diverse suburban community within the broader Miami, Dade County.

“Mind/Forest II” 2018, Polyester tulle, thread, duralene plastic, plastic rope, cotton gauze, origami paper, and monofilament wire, 20’L x 15’D x 14’H.

2.       How did you get into creative work and what is your impetus for creating? 

Like many children, I had a passion for drawing when I was growing up and I developed an ability and love for art making at an early age.  Miami was experimenting at the time with arts magnet educational programs in the 1980’s and I had the benefit of attending a number of arts high schools that helped me focus my interest in art making as a life path.  Alongside of this, my mother taught me a great deal about sewing and in general, making things with fabric and other types of materials; I developed a confidence in sewing later in life as a result of this.

3.       Tell me about your current/upcoming show/exhibit/book/project and why it’s important to you. 

I currently am preparing for two exhibitions.  The first is participating in the A.I.R. Gallery National Members exhibit in Brooklyn, New York from May 23, 2019-June 22, 2019.  I will be showing a series of four water colors on paper that have been burned with candle smoke.  The imagery in this series has a patterned and dream-like reference, layered with the candle smoke which blurs and obfuscates the images.  It is a metaphor for memory and how our understanding of history changes with the passage of time.  The second exhibition is a solo show at the Evanston Art Center in Illinois from July 14, 2019-August 11, 2019.  This exhibit is titled “Silent Music” and consists of several large fiber-based installations on the walls as well as suspended pieces in front of a large window which speak to the nature of psychological states and the visual movement of thought. I utilize ephemeral materials such as polyester tulle, thread and dichroic film to describe a state of both absence and presence.  “Silent Music” is about trying to find a center of stillness in a deeply conflicted world.

“Silent Music I”, 18’W x 8’H x 2’D, Dichroic film, vinyl table cloth, plastic bags, gold foil, hand-painted vellum, and thread, 2019.

4.       What do you hope people get out of your work? 

This is always a really great question because people’s responses to a piece of art work are not only the function of the work itself but also the lens of their own psychology and personal experience.  I do hope that my work gives a feeling of peace and an opportunity for self-reflection. In some ways, my work is an invitation to enter a psychological space free of judgment or preconception.  I want people to have a primary experience in viewing my work and to feel awareness that despite our casting of reality in one way or another, impermanence is the constant.

5.       Does collaboration play a role in your work—whether with your community, artists or others?  How so and how does this impact your work?

I would say that at this point, my work to date has entirely been constructed by my own hands and I take a particular joy from literally the hundreds of hours of sewing involved.  It is a meditation in itself.  I do hope at some point to do larger public works and I realize to scale up, I will need to trust and involve others.  I have been invited to participate in a collaborative project with other artists as a part of an application to the Canadian World of Threads 2021 festival which will be my first collaborative activity.  I really appreciate Hana Rotchild’s invitation and her work is wonderful. (See more at @hanarotchild) 

6.       Considering the political climate, how do you think the temperature is for the arts right now, what/how do you hope it may change or make a difference?

I think there are many climates in the arts environment because it is such a complex ecosystem and it is hard to describe it monolithically.  That said, I do see trends; there is a new focus on art that has a quality of social practice/social engagement and also a focus on highlighting artists of color which is incredibly encouraging.  It has also been great to see artists creating their own opportunities for themselves by launching collectives and defining exhibition venues for themselves.  These are very positive things.  I think the market place still ultimately drives what is talked about or shown in some major museums but it is changing as more people of color become curators and start to be a part of the conversation that they were never a part of previously. I don’t think any of these things happened because it was “given to people”.  It was the result of many years of fighting and advocacy and if there was something that I wish could change, I would say that the art world needs to continue to expand to include more voices and to institutionalize the notion of inclusiveness vs. an occasional give away when it is politically advantageous.

“Emerge ”, 11”W x 12”H, Plastic, dichroic film, vinyl lace tablecloth, painted vellum, polyester tulle and thread, 2019 

  7.       Artist Wanda Ewing, who curated and titled the original LFF exhibit, examined the perspective of femininity and race in her work, and spoke positively of feminism, saying “yes, it is still relevant” to have exhibits and forums for women in art; does feminism play a role in your work? 

I would not describe my work as explicitly feminist per se because the impetus of my work is my study of Zen Buddhism and the notion of creating a visual environment of formlessness and nondiscrimination.  However, I use fabric and sewing practices as a major component of my work and can often be cast as “other” because I am working in ephemeral materials that are the domain of domestic activity.  Because I am a middle-aged woman, I have experienced some inequities as many of my generation have whether in the workplace or elsewhere.  Thus by definition, I am a feminist because I believe firmly in the full emancipation of my gender.  Feminism is 100% still relevant because many women, especially disadvantaged women of color, are not free or able to participate in their own self-determination.  It is true that my artwork does not explicitly speak to these issues but its presence outside the white cube is a feminist action in of itself.

8.       Ewing’s advice to aspiring artists was “you’ve got to develop the skill of when to listen and when not to;” and “Leave. Gain perspective.”  What is your favorite advice you have received or given?  

I love Ewing’s advice and it really resonates with me.  My husband, Al Wong, a highly accomplished San Francisco Bay Area artist and educator, gave me the best advice one day. I was feeling deeply uncertain about the nature of my imagery, its value or relevance.  He said to me: “You must be your own Charlie Parker.”  (For readers new to jazz, Charlie Parker was a legendary American jazz saxophonist and composer living during the first half of the 20th century).  My husband encourages me to follow my artist path exactly as my instincts are telling me to do and not to copy anyone in order to be accepted.  His fierce belief in me even at times when I did not see it in myself was ultimately transformational for me.

Holly Wong in her studio, photo by Al Wong.

https://hollywongart.com/

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current call for collaborative art-writing: http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/181376606692/lff-2019-artistpoet-collaborations

Current call: What does being a womxn mean to you? http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/183697785757/what-does-being-a-womxn-today-mean-to-youyour

[kristablogs]

How to start birding in any US city

Yes, hello, Mr. Cardinal. (Bruce Jastrow/Unsplash/)

If you enjoy spending time outside, consider bird-watching. It’s a four-season activity that will not only extend the amount of time you spend in parks or other green spaces, but also make you feel a little bit like a treasure seeker as you try to spot birds you know should be around (and find others you may not expect).

You can go birding any time of the year, but a good way to get hooked is to take advantage of the spring and fall migrations. During those bountiful times, hundreds of neotropical bird species rest and refuel in urban green spaces on their way to and from countries south of the US. Outside of the migration months, you can find resident birds in cities, too.

I’m by no means an expert birder, but since I launched myself into the birding world almost four years ago, I’ve gotten a good handle on the birds that call my region home and am making decent progress identifying those that are just passing through. Warblers are hard! Through it all, bird-watching has increased my affinity for the outdoors.

So whether you think all the little brown birds on your lawn are sparrows or are comfortable identifying a handful of common backyard birds, this guide to bird-watching in any US city will elevate your bird-spotting abilities.

Know before you bird

The first step on the path to birding is understanding which species are in your city at any given time. If you only take one thing away from this story, let it be this: bird knowledge is essential. I recommend eBird’s web-based Explore feature. You can search by species, region, or hotspot—a location where lots of birds have been observed—and can click on any listed bird for identification clues, photos, songs, and calls. Knowing the difference between complex songs and simple calls is like having a special tool in your kit; one that can help you predict a bird’s behavior.

Male birds sing frequently during breeding season as they seek to establish territory and attract mates, but some female birds sing, too. Research suggests that females sing less when they’re the primary nest caretaker, to reduce their chance of being found by predators. But when both male and female birds tend the nest, both seem to sing at the same rate. All birds, though, use calls to announce their location, the presence of food, to warn off intruders, and to alert other birds to the presence of predators. When you hear a jay’s raucous call, you, too, should look out for a bird of prey.

Once you’ve become familiar with the species in your city at the time you’re planning to go out, decide whether you’ll be birding alone or not. You can also use social media to see what’s been spotted locally. Birding groups and organizations often post photos on Instagram and Twitter, and some birders tag their images with #birdtwitter. Make sure to search using #yourlocation (replace with your actual location) to get the most relevant results.

Get the right gear

A field guide is essential to every birder, and binoculars are good to have, too. (Molly Adams/Feminist Bird Club/)

The basic tools for birding are not that expensive. You don’t necessarily need binoculars for your first casual birding experience, but I recommend purchasing a pair if bird-watching will be a regular pursuit. My starter pair was a Bushnell 7x35 that cost $23. If you’re unfamiliar with binocular specs, 7x is the power of magnification (objects will appear seven times closer) and 35 is the size of the lens (in millimeters). While magnification is self-explanatory, beginners should know that lens size determines how much light gets to your eyes. You want binoculars that let in a fair amount of light because you will see objects (and birds) more clearly, but larger lenses mean heavier binoculars. The goal is to strike a balance between lens size and overall weight. After seven months with my Bushnell, I decided I wanted greater magnification and focusing capabilities, so I did my homework and upgraded to a Celestron Nature DX 8x42 that cost $110. The Celestron is a little more than one ounce heavier than the Bushnell, but its ergonomic design makes it seem lighter.

You’ll also want to purchase a field guide. I recommend you get a regional one; it’ll be geared toward the birds you are most likely to see and weighs less than a comprehensive North American guide. I own the National Geographic Field Guide to the Birds of North America, but since I live in the Northeast, I rely on The Sibley Field Guide to Birds of Eastern North America. The most recent edition of the National Geographic guide contains more than 1,000 species, while the Sibley guide has 650. If you don’t want to buy a guide right away, check to see if your local library has any. To go paperless, try the free Merlin Bird ID app.

Solo bird-watching can be a peaceful activity. (Jean Shum/Jean Shum Photography/)

Birding alone

There is no stigma to birding alone. In fact, there are upsides. You set your own pace and can spot for as long as you want—just your lunch break or an entire weekend afternoon. Being alone also means you can spot spontaneously and your entire focus will be on the birds. You won’t have to make a date with a friend, go on a scheduled bird walk, or travel far from home, work, or school, either. As long as you have your binoculars, you can bird at any time, in any place.

Birding at home

You don’t even have to leave the comforts of home to bird-watch. If you have a yard, you can bring birds to you by creating a bird-friendly garden. Choose native plant species, which will act as a food source for native birds. They’ll also attract insects and the birds that feed on them. Planting native flora is a benefit on its own, as human activity has significantly reduced global plant diversity. Because plants are the backbone of many bird habitats, their loss has contributed to a massive 3 billion drop in the North American bird population since 1970. For just-right species for your locale, check out Audubon’s native plant database. The organization also provides tips for assessing your space and designing your garden.

Birding in groups

If you want company on your journey to becoming a birder, tag along with a birding friend on their rounds or sign up for an organized bird walk. For the latter, your local Audubon chapter is a good place to start, but local and regional parks also offer their own bird walks. Although a 2011 US Fish and Wildlife Service report described the average bird-watcher as a 53-year-old white woman with above-average income and education, the demographics of the birding world are changing. In the last decade, several organizations have launched to provide inclusive spaces for new and diverse birders and outdoor enthusiasts: Check out the Feminist Bird Club, Latino Outdoors, and Outdoor Afro.

Take it to the next level

Once you’re comfortable with the common birds in your area, challenge yourself to learn new species. Pick a site with habitats not found in your patch (the location you regularly visit to watch birds) and get to know the species that spend time there. If you often frequent an inland park that doesn’t have any bodies of water, for example, head to a river, lake, or beach to observe how waterfowl and shorebirds behave.

Another way to up your birding game is to become a species expert. Identify where your favorite bird hangs out and study its behavior for a year. Find where other birders have seen them, too, and observe them in those settings.

To be at the center of migration action, seek out a nearby destination birding spot such as a national wildlife refuge. A midwestern waterfowl hotspot, for example, is Quivira National Wildlife Refuge in Kansas, and cranes top the charts in Aransas National Wildlife Refuge in Texas. Northeast birders, meanwhile, flock to Cape May National Wildlife Refuge in New Jersey to see songbirds and shorebirds. You can also check out Cornell University’s BirdCast site for predicted bird fallouts (when inclement weather literally prevents birds from flying) and migration trends. It’s a good idea to use this forecast tool even if you’ll just be viewing birds in your favorite bird-watching location. Knowing which birds might be in your area can prime your brain to see them.

The perks of bird-watching

Just look at how cute this Eastern bluebird is. (Jean Shum/Jean Shum Photography/)

Bird-watching can also help you reap the benefits of being outdoors, which has been shown to improve human physiological and mental health. In general, viewing and spending time in nature can lead to lower blood pressure and a slower heart rate, shorter recovery times after surgery, and increased attention and focus. Research also shows that adults socialize more in greener spaces. Landscapes with more trees benefit children, too—they play more, and in more creative ways, in areas with more trees.

Honing in on wellbeing gains specifically attributable to birding, listening to birdsong can not only improve concentration and reduce stress, but hearing certain types of bird sounds can boost your attachment to nature.

You won’t be the only beneficiary of your newfound pastime, either. Any bird data you collect and share is a boon for both scientists and birds. The information you share with “citizen science” projects like eBird is used in conservation research and policy and, if bird-watching is a form of monitoring species, birding is an act of stewardship as defined by the US Forest Service—you’re taking care of the world around you. It’s a lot more than simply looking at birds.

[scootoaster]

How to start birding in any US city

Yes, hello, Mr. Cardinal. (Bruce Jastrow/Unsplash/)

If you enjoy spending time outside, consider bird-watching. It’s a four-season activity that will not only extend the amount of time you spend in parks or other green spaces, but also make you feel a little bit like a treasure seeker as you try to spot birds you know should be around (and find others you may not expect).

You can go birding any time of the year, but a good way to get hooked is to take advantage of the spring and fall migrations. During those bountiful times, hundreds of neotropical bird species rest and refuel in urban green spaces on their way to and from countries south of the US. Outside of the migration months, you can find resident birds in cities, too.

I’m by no means an expert birder, but since I launched myself into the birding world almost four years ago, I’ve gotten a good handle on the birds that call my region home and am making decent progress identifying those that are just passing through. Warblers are hard! Through it all, bird-watching has increased my affinity for the outdoors.

So whether you think all the little brown birds on your lawn are sparrows or are comfortable identifying a handful of common backyard birds, this guide to bird-watching in any US city will elevate your bird-spotting abilities.

Know before you bird

The first step on the path to birding is understanding which species are in your city at any given time. If you only take one thing away from this story, let it be this: bird knowledge is essential. I recommend eBird’s web-based Explore feature. You can search by species, region, or hotspot—a location where lots of birds have been observed—and can click on any listed bird for identification clues, photos, songs, and calls. Knowing the difference between complex songs and simple calls is like having a special tool in your kit; one that can help you predict a bird’s behavior.

Male birds sing frequently during breeding season as they seek to establish territory and attract mates, but some female birds sing, too. Research suggests that females sing less when they’re the primary nest caretaker, to reduce their chance of being found by predators. But when both male and female birds tend the nest, both seem to sing at the same rate. All birds, though, use calls to announce their location, the presence of food, to warn off intruders, and to alert other birds to the presence of predators. When you hear a jay’s raucous call, you, too, should look out for a bird of prey.

Once you’ve become familiar with the species in your city at the time you’re planning to go out, decide whether you’ll be birding alone or not. You can also use social media to see what’s been spotted locally. Birding groups and organizations often post photos on Instagram and Twitter, and some birders tag their images with #birdtwitter. Make sure to search using #yourlocation (replace with your actual location) to get the most relevant results.

Get the right gear

A field guide is essential to every birder, and binoculars are good to have, too. (Molly Adams/Feminist Bird Club/)

The basic tools for birding are not that expensive. You don’t necessarily need binoculars for your first casual birding experience, but I recommend purchasing a pair if bird-watching will be a regular pursuit. My starter pair was a Bushnell 7x35 that cost $23. If you’re unfamiliar with binocular specs, 7x is the power of magnification (objects will appear seven times closer) and 35 is the size of the lens (in millimeters). While magnification is self-explanatory, beginners should know that lens size determines how much light gets to your eyes. You want binoculars that let in a fair amount of light because you will see objects (and birds) more clearly, but larger lenses mean heavier binoculars. The goal is to strike a balance between lens size and overall weight. After seven months with my Bushnell, I decided I wanted greater magnification and focusing capabilities, so I did my homework and upgraded to a Celestron Nature DX 8x42 that cost $110. The Celestron is a little more than one ounce heavier than the Bushnell, but its ergonomic design makes it seem lighter.

You’ll also want to purchase a field guide. I recommend you get a regional one; it’ll be geared toward the birds you are most likely to see and weighs less than a comprehensive North American guide. I own the National Geographic Field Guide to the Birds of North America, but since I live in the Northeast, I rely on The Sibley Field Guide to Birds of Eastern North America. The most recent edition of the National Geographic guide contains more than 1,000 species, while the Sibley guide has 650. If you don’t want to buy a guide right away, check to see if your local library has any. To go paperless, try the free Merlin Bird ID app.

Solo bird-watching can be a peaceful activity. (Jean Shum/Jean Shum Photography/)

Birding alone

There is no stigma to birding alone. In fact, there are upsides. You set your own pace and can spot for as long as you want—just your lunch break or an entire weekend afternoon. Being alone also means you can spot spontaneously and your entire focus will be on the birds. You won’t have to make a date with a friend, go on a scheduled bird walk, or travel far from home, work, or school, either. As long as you have your binoculars, you can bird at any time, in any place.

Birding at home

You don’t even have to leave the comforts of home to bird-watch. If you have a yard, you can bring birds to you by creating a bird-friendly garden. Choose native plant species, which will act as a food source for native birds. They’ll also attract insects and the birds that feed on them. Planting native flora is a benefit on its own, as human activity has significantly reduced global plant diversity. Because plants are the backbone of many bird habitats, their loss has contributed to a massive 3 billion drop in the North American bird population since 1970. For just-right species for your locale, check out Audubon’s native plant database. The organization also provides tips for assessing your space and designing your garden.

Birding in groups

If you want company on your journey to becoming a birder, tag along with a birding friend on their rounds or sign up for an organized bird walk. For the latter, your local Audubon chapter is a good place to start, but local and regional parks also offer their own bird walks. Although a 2011 US Fish and Wildlife Service report described the average bird-watcher as a 53-year-old white woman with above-average income and education, the demographics of the birding world are changing. In the last decade, several organizations have launched to provide inclusive spaces for new and diverse birders and outdoor enthusiasts: Check out the Feminist Bird Club, Latino Outdoors, and Outdoor Afro.

Take it to the next level

Once you’re comfortable with the common birds in your area, challenge yourself to learn new species. Pick a site with habitats not found in your patch (the location you regularly visit to watch birds) and get to know the species that spend time there. If you often frequent an inland park that doesn’t have any bodies of water, for example, head to a river, lake, or beach to observe how waterfowl and shorebirds behave.

Another way to up your birding game is to become a species expert. Identify where your favorite bird hangs out and study its behavior for a year. Find where other birders have seen them, too, and observe them in those settings.

To be at the center of migration action, seek out a nearby destination birding spot such as a national wildlife refuge. A midwestern waterfowl hotspot, for example, is Quivira National Wildlife Refuge in Kansas, and cranes top the charts in Aransas National Wildlife Refuge in Texas. Northeast birders, meanwhile, flock to Cape May National Wildlife Refuge in New Jersey to see songbirds and shorebirds. You can also check out Cornell University’s BirdCast site for predicted bird fallouts (when inclement weather literally prevents birds from flying) and migration trends. It’s a good idea to use this forecast tool even if you’ll just be viewing birds in your favorite bird-watching location. Knowing which birds might be in your area can prime your brain to see them.

The perks of bird-watching

Just look at how cute this Eastern bluebird is. (Jean Shum/Jean Shum Photography/)

Bird-watching can also help you reap the benefits of being outdoors, which has been shown to improve human physiological and mental health. In general, viewing and spending time in nature can lead to lower blood pressure and a slower heart rate, shorter recovery times after surgery, and increased attention and focus. Research also shows that adults socialize more in greener spaces. Landscapes with more trees benefit children, too—they play more, and in more creative ways, in areas with more trees.

Honing in on wellbeing gains specifically attributable to birding, listening to birdsong can not only improve concentration and reduce stress, but hearing certain types of bird sounds can boost your attachment to nature.

You won’t be the only beneficiary of your newfound pastime, either. Any bird data you collect and share is a boon for both scientists and birds. The information you share with “citizen science” projects like eBird is used in conservation research and policy and, if bird-watching is a form of monitoring species, birding is an act of stewardship as defined by the US Forest Service—you’re taking care of the world around you. It’s a lot more than simply looking at birds.

[intellectual-spaghetti-blog]

My Take on Reylo (and all Ships in General)

Speaking as a member of the 10% of the western hemisphere left that has not firmly taken a side in the Reylo War, I can confidently say after watching...and re-watching...and re-watching...and re-watching...the Last Jedi, that I can see the perspective of both sides and will admit that Rey and Kylo do genuinely have the potential for very good chemistry, regardless of context, going into Episode IX. This said, I will completely accept a relationship between Rey and Kylo, and a Kylo Ben (what I'm calling him until the split-persona war Abrams and Johnson have created ends in IX) redemption arc (or not), if that is indeed how Abrams plans to take these characters in Episode IX, so long as their relationship, Kylo's hypothetical redemption, and Kylo's own actions to achieve said redemption are believable, true to form, and push the plot or Rey and Kylo's own character development---both dependently and independently of each other---forward.

I will not accept a redemption arc or relationship between himself and Rey as official Canon however, in any capacity, if Kylo does not continuously do, and is seen to be continuously doing, the work in IX to earn it himself; completely independent of any outside influences, including Rey and Ghost Luke. Kylo has to own up to any choices he makes in IX because, undeniably, it's all on him now. Luke is dead. Han is dead. Leia is dead. Snoke is dead. His abusers, his manipulators, his champions, his family, is dead. Kylo is now completely and utterly responsible for all of his actions moving forward as, as a free individual, he can make his own choices without the threat of violence and death hanging over his head if he doesn't comply, as was the case with Han's death in TFA, which we see the repercussions of by Snoke in TLJ. Kylo has to realize after seven years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse he is free, decide what that freedom means to him, and come to a firm decision on how he wants to live his life. This includes acknowledging the choices he's made in the past and moving forward, admitting to himself that he cannot always be right, and come to the realization that a functioning human relationship in any capacity requires compromise, trust and the ability to admit that being proven right (because, to a point, he is right) is not more important than the bonds he's forged, or wants to forge, with other people and that it is no one else's responsibility to fix what is damaged inside him but himself.

Now, moving on to the incredible, strong, independent, broken gem that is Daisy Ridley's Rey of Jakku. I absolutely love Rey and I firmly believe she is an incredible audition to the Star Wars universe, and as the decades pass will only serve to further benefit the western hemisphere's greater comprehension, understanding, and further acceptance of woman as leaders and figures of legitimate authority, just as Carrie Fisher did in the 70s. Whether or not this means that Rey will have a mate, or a potential mate, or even wants a mate, be they male or female or aquatic fish monster by the end of this series, is completely irrelevant to the fact that Rey is going to have a significant impact on the world, as her own character, moving forward into Episode IX and beyond, whether the world is ready to accept that fact or not.

Though Rey pride's herself, and rightfully so, on her strength, independence, and ability to competently survive on her own, she also expresses a very deep desire for family. The understanding and mutual acknowledgement of this is one of the fundamental reasons she and Kylo are able to bond so closely together, (and in such a very, very short amount of time) both dependently and independently of their actual Forcebond, throughout the events of the Last Jedi. In the end they're both two lonely sad-sacks desperately seeking belonging and acceptance in a world that has largely isolated them, regardless of romantic inclination. This fact is reinforced by Rey's acceptance of and quick bond to Finn, Han, Leia and Chewie throughout the events of The Force Awakens, and again when she meets Poe at the end of The Last Jedi.

Rey as an individual has more than earned her right to carve out her own agenda and forge her own happiness for herself, however and with whomever she damn well sees fit and there is absolutely nothing Finn or Poe or Han or Luke or Kylo or Leia or Rose or Connix or Chewie or BB-8 or R2-D2 or the Resistance or the First Order or the audience can do about that.

To assume however, that because Rey is a female main character that she is automatically obligated or that it is her responsibility to magickally "fix" whatever is broken inside of Ben Solo, or that because Finn and Kylo are two of three male main characters, as much as I love John Boyega and Adam Driver as actors, that either of their characters "deserves" Rey simply because she is the female lead, is no less sexist than if the situation was in reverse. To assume as well that even if she does find romance, or even wants romance, in any capacity, that falling in love and growing to care for someone somehow automatically "weakens" her as a individual is also a deeply flawed thinking, and I think tells more about how patriarchal cultures, especially in the West, view human relationships, in any capacity, between woman and men and between each other, in much more glaring shades than any human on this planet, including myself, is entirely comfortable admitting.

And this realization, I believe, is the point Abrams and Johnson are trying to make both with Rey as an individual and with her interactions with Kylo. People often forget that despite all the accusations---and gigantic double-standard---of Rey being hailed a "Mary Sue" and perfection incarnate, Rey is still a very fundamentally broken person, just better at hiding that brokenness than as is Kylo. She still needs to realize and comes to terms with the fact that "Yes, despite your past, despite you're shitty parents, despite what people may say, you DO matter and you ARE loved by many, MANY people." (As if Finn declaring her sunshine personified who can do no wrong every five seconds isn't enough).

In the end I think that's what Rey and Kylo both need: time to grow and change apart from each other, apart from the bond, to find out who they truly are as people, so their actions can determine and justify their deserved fates in IX. That's what I believe The Last Jedi and Lord Emo's proposal, was attempting to say---what I think Rian Johnson was attempting to say---in continuing the intriguing dynamic between Rey and Kylo Ben throughout the Last Jedi.

I would love to believe Rian Johnson and JJ Abrams aren't idiots and know exactly what their doing. I have very little confidence in this statement considering the absolute mess Johnson is forcing Abrams to resolve in IX, but both have stated multiple times that they are feminists (I hope to god second-wave feminists) and thus I don't want to believe that they would ever write a story in which any person, especially a female, fixes all of Kylo Ben's turmoil for him through "the power of love," we get a half-assed redemption and unsatisfying conclusion, the bad guys are defeated, and in the end all the characters still alive fly back to Endor or Naboo for dancing and cake and ice-cream with not even one thought on the consequences of their actions. This isn't Return of the Jedi, JJ Abrams is not George Lucas, and we can all only hope and pray that Episode IX concludes with an ending worthy of these incredible characters and the groundbreaking Skywalker saga.

I'm probably wrong about half of this, but I hope not.