#i do wish he wasn't ANOTHER IMAGINARY CHARACTER

[pyrothecary]

erm

dr ratio is gonna be free for all and also his name is veritas; I just learned this from twitter and thought you should know teehee

in vino veritas......

I HEARD ABOUT HIM BEING FREE WHICH IS SO AWESOME. i don't know if i would have had enough willpower to skip on a character with laurel in their hair i have a weakness. and giving us an actual story relevant limited 5* for Free??? g3nshin could never

but i had no idea he had an actual name. thank you for telling me though i am so relieved that he does <3 as funny as the name Dr. Ratio is, i hate it with every fibre of my being!

[vhaos-chaotic-writing]

Hello, Can I resquest, Transformers One, Yandere Sentinel Prime with a cybertronian reader conjux HCS

Oooh Sentinel Prime - lowkey, I believed I was gonna hate his guts until my very last breath. But I forgot I like fucked up characters that also have babygirl tratis (I mean - I am obsessed with Starscream, I understimated myself).（〃｀ 3′〃）

Yandere!Sentinel Prime (TFO) w/ Conjux Cybertronian!Reader (HCs)

WARNING: Yandere behaviour, possessive and obsessive elements, manipulation, psychological and emotional abuse, forced relationship.

Sentinel Prime is definitely a manipulative, possessive yandere that is not afraid to punish his Conjux with psychological or emotional punishment types.

You were older than both Orion Pax and D-16, a miner too - a hard working one who was always kind and tried to remain positive to everything, even when the guards were kind of jerks and your teammates got hurt while working.

Sentinel met you one day he went down to the mines to just say empty words and promises that fooled enough his blind admirers to keep up working hard. The moment his optics met yours among the other miners... he felt like his spark vibrated.

Uh, how strange - he was sure he was definitely disgusted by any bot, no matter if they were femme, mechs or none, that were a miner.

But here he is, thinking about you and talking Airachnid's audials off about you.

Maybe now he understood what Megatronus said about feeling his spark sing whenever Solus Prime was by his side.

Sentinel Prime started to look after you, visiting you down in the mines and trying to woo you. And while you were quite flattered... something in your spark knew something was wrong. You didn't knew exactly what it was wrong - but everything pointed at Sentinel, one way or another.

You tried to be polite and paint an imaginary limit line between you and the false Prime - but Sentinel knew what you were doing. And he wasn't gonna have it.

"Hehe... oh, sweetspark - it's so funny how you think you can just reject my advances! You should be grateful I have my optics on you, dear! But... Oh, well, I wished we had an organic 'fall-in-love' story to later tell our sparklings! But you left me with no options."

You were... confused. And scared. But before you could even step back, you felt a painful kick in the back of your helm, soon everything going dark.

When your optics onlined, you were met with a... new faceplate.

"Oh, thanks Primus! My love, are you okay?" The unknown mech asks as he gently craddles your faceplate with his servos.

"Where... where am I? What...?" You start to ask, blinking a few times before tilting your helm, staring with curiosity at the mech. "Who are you?"

The mech seems to smile a little bit more to then change his expression one to sadness. "Oh, my sweetspark - you don't remember me?"

The mech - Sentinel Prime - gently held your servo as both of you walked among the big, luxurious hallways of his home, explaining to you how you both were soon to be Conjuxes, him being a Prime and you were part of the guards. While on a mission against the Quintessons, you got hurt and your T-cog got taken, you nearly died! But your beloved soon to be Conjux saved you!

You just... accept it. I mean, you didn't remember anything (but something felt like missing inside of your system). But you didn't mind, you felt safe and loved in Sentinel's hold.

If Sentine Prime was not around because of needing to attend important Prime business, Airachnid is always with you - and she became a sort of... guardian. One who always followed you and kept Sentinel updated about you.

Sentinel blatantly manipulates you whenever you show any type of doubt or consideration on what he says or does. "My sweetspark, please... I nearly lost you one time. And I felt like my spark was going to die. I cannot lose you again, please. I love you so much."

It always works - after all, you don't know exactly who you were once are. Sentinel Prime is everything you have.

"Without me - you are nothing."

A few days after having woken up from your forced induced stasis mode, both of you became the Conjux Endura of each other, everyone on Iacon saw the event and celebrated. Sentinel Prime held you closely, snuzzling his helm softly against the top of yours, keeping one arm wrapped your behind and his free servo holding yours.

And you smile, preciously painted and adorned. But... something still, deep inside of your spark, knows something is wrong. But whenever you see at Sentinel's smile, you can't help but smile back and ignore that uncertain sensation.

After all - You've always been meant to be Sentinel Prime's conjux.

Everything is okay.

(ﾉ*ФωФ)ﾉ Vhaos out!

[sonkitty]

Did Crowley create the universe?

Did Crowley create the universe?

Yes, of course he did.

See. No universe yet.

Crowley says, "Let there be light."

Now we have a universe!

Ta-da!

See, easy.

...

What's that you say?

You don't believe me.

Well, okay.

Hold on, another call is coming in.

Oh, this caller wants the more complicated form of the answer.

Hmm. Okay, Imaginary Caller, for you, I will do that, but I will also give the skeptics a moment to leave if they so wish.

And the people who find this stuff boring, also if they so wish.

...

Okay, moment over.

So, what's the more complicated way to get to Yes?

When Crowley opens the book in Before the Beginning, it is labeled as a Nebula 213,080. During the line in which he recites the words, those words before, "Let there be light," you can find the letter set to "Book of Lie."

This letter set happens before the first instance of the letter set for "Book of Life." Throughout the dialogue in the show, a curious reader can find both in a format that looks like whoever put it there wants it to be found.

After all, the last instance of "Book of Life" happens before the last instance of "Book of Lie."

And the last instance of "Book of Lie" is the last time the letter set for "matchbox" can be found.

All of that is to say, that the Good Omens 2 universe takes place in the Book of Lie, a universe Crowley created in Before the Beginning.

Am I sure?

Well, I am quite sure those letter sets are where they are to give me that type of idea, which is in line with what's happening in Before the Beginning.

Before the Beginning tells us a lot of things, but a really basic idea is to show us a type of nothing surrounding a character before our idea of what the universe is appears.

The character showing the most substantial work on screen into making that happen is Crowley, but we are assured he didn't do it alone. He calls out to Aziraphale for help and even when Aziraphale asks if Crowley made it all himself, referring more specifically to the nebula, Crowley hesitantly credits himself while also admitting he wasn't the original concept designer. He worked very closely with Upstairs on it.

From there, new questions form. Is the Book of Lie a pocket reality, a backup copy of reality, a development copy of reality, a strong extension of Crowley's imagination, or what? Like...after Adam rebooted reality, with all its exertions on the fallout, does reality need time to repair itself? Crowley's incantation starts from page 11 after all. Adam was 11 when he rebooted reality.

The nebula in question is named the Pillars of Creation, so while that doesn't specify "universe" by word, it does lend itself to the "create" part of our worded question.

Speaking of which, perhaps you are wondering if the letter sets in Before the Beginning give us the answer to this question, and surprisingly, yes.

You wouldn't think so because "no" is so much easier to find than "yes," due to "n" being a more frequently used letter than "y."

In Before the Beginning, Crowley has 4 lines where you can find the letter set for the question, "Did Crowley create the universe?"

They are:

Example 1:

Oh, right. Well, what doesn't this beauty do? Basically, it's a star factory. All the…all the dust and gas you can see, is actually building about…about 5,000 young stars and protoplanets. Most of the universe's stars will come pre-aged, but these ones are only starting out. A few million years to bake and then voom! Stars everywhere!

Example 2:

But that's idiocy! It's the universe, it's not just some fancy wallpaper! Millions of galaxies, trillions of stars, oodles of…everything! It's not just put here to twinkle! Most of it won't even be visible from Earth. Why don't you put Earth in the middle of the universe so the view's better?

Example 3:

Well, you know, if I was the one running it all, I'd like it if someone asked questions. Fresh point of view. You can't just create a universe, run it for a few thousand years and then stop.

Example 4:

Mm, thanks for your help. And thanks for your advice. I wouldn't worry though. How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?

Notice that 3 of these 4 instances have one question mark and even the one that doesn't has the word "questions" in the dialogue.

So, how do those examples give us Yes?

In Example 1, you can find the "y" for "yes" 9 times. On its own, that number mainly stands out at the moment due to a related puzzle about Crowley's rank and the number of orders in angelic hierarchy. I am reasonably sure of myself that he's a Throne in this scene, in case you were wondering.

For our current search, the 9 is more of an alert that we can consider numbers in this question/puzzle.

In Example 2, the "y" hits 5, which doesn't help much at the moment.

But Examples 3 and 4 are where we get the answer.

In both examples, the "y" for "yes" can be found 3 times. If you don't already know by now, this story is heavy on the Rule of Three.

Interestingly, for Example 3, the letter "s" is findable 11 times to match our page 11 of the book.

But Example 4 is where it's really at.

The letter "e" is very, very common in the dialogue. For Crowley's "spend" speech in the Final Fifteen, I can find the letter "e" 70 times. Why 70? I don't know, but it definitely stuck out when I was running other searches.

How many instances of the letter "e" can be found in the question, "Did Crowley create the universe?" The answer is 6.

How many instances of the letter "e" can be found in Example 4? The answer is also 6.

Example 4 is the last finding for the Book of Life in the letter sets for this scene, all found in that last question of, "How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?"

Not only are there 6 instances of the letter "e," there are 6 instances of the letter "s" to be found in that last line, and 6 instances of the letter "i."

What's so important about the "i," given that the letter is not in "yes," "no," or even "maybe"? If Crowley's telling us the answer, he is giving us the "i" to represent him ("I did" or more specifically, "I did but not on my own").

Do you remember the 5 instances of "y" for Example 2?

How many words is the question, "Did Crowley create the universe?" It is 5 words.

Returning to the letter "e" idea, that is a precise effort to get that many of that extremely common letter. It matches the number of Crowley's 6 Threshold Tricks performed during Good Omens 2. We get the "s" and the "i" to reach 3 letters that hit the 6.

And the number 6 is a perfect number.

So, that's a way of the writing communicating to a curious reader that yes, this exact question wording was intentionally hidden in the dialogue, especially for the last line of the scene. From there, you can play with the numbers for the "yes." We can be further helped along by recognizing that "yes" is a 3-letter word.

A key idea in answering this question is to recognize that Crowley had help. He was part of a team. Even in Earthly Objects where his play is top tier and well beyond other characters, his advanced moves, his Threshold Tricks, always require assistance from somebody somehow to do the Trick.

[cdurhamesq]

When You're Ready...

[Mr. Reed x FtM Trans OC] SFW!!

Summary: Riley is scared to tell his boyfriend the truth about his gender identity. When he lets out a confession he wasn't ready to give, he has to be shown his worst fears are far from reality.

✨Tags: soft angst, emotional hurt/comfort, trans characters, coming out✨

⛔️ TWs: Emotional distress, panic attack, mild self harm, themes of gender dysphoria ⛔️

The late afternoon poured through the blinds, casting warm stripes across the entangled bedsheets.  Riley and Mr. Reed lay intertwined together on top of the covers, their legs like vines, bare skin warm where it touched. The ceiling fan spun lazily above them, humming a quiet rhythm that neither of them spoke over for what seemed like hours.

Riley rested his head against Mr. Reed’s shoulder, fingers absentmindedly tracing circles over his smooth, aged chest. It had been a slow day. A good one. The kind where nothing urgent needed doing and silence felt like something shared, not something empty.

“You know something I’ve always loved about you is the way you seem to find your own little sketchbook on my chest every morning.” Mr. Reed broke the silence with a crackly voice.

Riley hummed at his compliment, continuing his small imaginary brushstrokes along his lover’s skin. “And I love the way you read signs out loud when we’re driving,” Riley said suddenly, his voice soft, eyes half-lidded, chuckling smally.

Mr. Reed smiled. “What?”

“You always do it. Like, every time. Even when it’s obvious,” Riley scrunched his nose and put on his best impression of the old British man in his bed, “‘Left lane ends,’ ‘No outlet. Hmm,’ It’s like your brain can’t not say it.” 

He laughed. “Maybe I just want to make sure you’re paying attention. Sometimes I wonder if you even can drive with how often I’m taking you places.”

Riley smirked. “Whatever. Still love it.”

There was a quiet pause. Mr. Reed’s hand found its way into Riley’s hair, brushing gently through it. He spoke next.

“I love how you never finish your coffee. Even when you say you will.”

“I mean to.”

“I know.”

Another small smile. They were exchanging little truths, and neither of them realized yet that they were dancing on the edge of something bigger.

“I love your neck,” Riley whispered after a beat, placing a soft kiss on his skin. “And your soft skin. And the way your chest feels when I fall asleep on you.” He hesitated. His voice dropped even lower. “I love your shoulders, and the little freckles on them. And your long legs. Your cute little butt.” They both gave quiet laugh, Mr. Reed pinching Riley’s side at his cheekiness.

“That’s cheesier than mine.”

Riley shrugged, lips curled in a smile as he continued. “I love your hands. And your arms. And definitely your voice—” He paused, something subtle shifting in his tone, “—sometimes I wish I almost had your body.”

The words landed with a weight that immediately changed the air between them.

Mr. Reed blinked, a smile still on his lips, but fading fast. “What do you mean?”

Riley froze. His smile disappeared like a switch had been flipped. “Nothing. Forget it. That was stupid. I didn’t mean it.”

Mr. Reed reached out a hand. “Hey, Ri. Wait—”

But Riley was already pulling on the first pair of sweatpants he could find and a dirty hoodie, hurrying to dress. His breath was shallow and a sweaty heat washed over his body.

“Riley—” Mr. Reed tried again, sitting up now, frowning. “Talk to me, please? What is this, what’s got you so shaken?”

“Just—don’t, okay?” Riley’s voice cracked on the last word. “Forget I said anything.”

He left the room, feet padding quick across the wood floor. Mr. Reed sat still for a second, trying to process what had just happened, heart pounding—not in anger, but in confusion and concern, before quickly dressing and following.

When he came around the corner, he found Riley in the living room, nestled in the corner of the couch picking at his nails as he stared off into space. His thumb was tucked under his other fingers, picking at the nail, hard and fast—too fast. Blood welled along the edge of the cuticle.

“Hey,” Mr. Reed said gently. “Stop it, please? You’re hurting yourself.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding.”

Riley didn’t look at him.

Mr. Reed stepped forward slowly and reached for his hand. He took it with the same care you’d use to catch a bird—like any sudden move might scare it off. He pressed his thumb gently to Riley’s in an attempt to clot the small wound.

“Please,” he said quietly. “Just talk to me.”

Riley’s jaw tightened. His shoulders trembled.

“I can’t.” 

Mr. Reed didn’t push. He kept his hand wrapped in his and sat himself a foot or so away from his younger lover on the small sofa. Riley didn’t pull away—but he didn’t help either. His body was frozen stiff with tension, shoulders high and rigid.

“I’m not mad,” Mr. Reed said quietly. “And I’m not leaving. Whatever’s going on… I’m not going anywhere.” He took a deep breath, watching for any signs of break. “I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on,” he continued, softly. “But I can tell you this—whatever it is, it’s not going to make me leave.”

Riley let out a breath. It sounded more like a scoff. “You say that now.”

“I mean it now.”

“You think you can handle everything,” Riley muttered. His voice was trembling, but there was steel behind it. “But your heart—it’s soft. It’s kind. I don’t want to be the thing that shatters it. Not with my… bullshit.”

There was a long silence.

Mr. Reed looked at him, really looked. Riley’s eyes were glassy and distant, like he was already bracing for goodbye.

“My heart isn't as fragile as you think,” Mr. Reed said, voice low but sure. “It might break a little, yes. But it would mend. Because I love you. And love means staying even when it hurts.”

He reached up, thumb brushing beneath Riley’s eye, catching the tear that had started its slow descent.

“Especially when it hurts,” he added. Mr. Reed watched as his boyfriend broke in front of him. Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just… quietly folded in on himself, shoulders hitching, breath catching in soft, choked sobs. He leaned into Mr. Reed like he didn’t trust his own weight anymore.

And so Reed held him. No questions. No demands. Just warmth and steadiness and arms that didn’t let go.

+++

After a while, Mr. Reed shifted slightly, trying to lift the weight in the room without breaking the moment. “So,” he said, “I’m just going to take a wild guess and say this isn’t about secretly running a drug cartel.”

Riley let out a wet laugh against his chest.

“Okay…” Mr. Reed went on. “Then could it be a black-market organ thing?” He scrunched his nose, “You know, underground surgery… fake passports? You would have the brain for that sort of thing.” 

“Stop,” Riley said, voice muffled by his shirt, but he was smiling now. Just barely.

“Or I mean, if you’ve been laundering money, I hope you’ve at least set some aside for retirement. I’m not going to keep working till I’m eighty just because your criminal empire has poor financial planning. You’ve got this poor old bloke still going off at sixty-four busting his—”

He paused when he took note of Riley pulling back slightly, eyes red and puffy, but with a trace of amusement breaking through. “You’re an idiot,” he whispered.

Mr. Reed grinned. “Takes one to love one, my darling.”

They sat like that for a long while, the tension thinning out around them, not gone, but less jagged now. Riley didn’t speak the thing he’d buried. Mr. Reed didn’t ask again. He just stayed there, a grounding point, quiet and close.

The secret lived between them still.

But so did the choice to stay.

+++

The evening faded in slowly. The old kitchen lights hummed overhead, soft and yellow against the cool blue outside.  Dinner had been quiet. Not cold—but quieter than usual. Riley picked at his food more than he ate it, the weight of something pressing just behind his eyes.

Mr. Reed didn’t bring up the afternoon right away. He didn’t mention the tears, or the tension, or the way Riley’s voice had broken like thin glass against his chest. Instead, he told a story about the bookstore—something about a kid insisting loudly that grapes were just baby watermelons—and Riley had managed a small, tired smile.

But when they were done with dishes and the silence came back—heavier now that there was nothing to distract them—Mr. Reed leaned against the counter and glanced over at Riley, who was drying his hands, slow and methodical like he was buying time with every swipe of the towel.

He offered Riley a small smile, as he crossed his arms, watching him. He shifted, sitting up slightly. “You doing okay?” he asked.

Riley nodded, too fast. “Yeah.”

Mr. Reed didn’t press. He watched the flicker of the thought across Riley’s face, the way his eyes were somewhere else entirely.

“You’ve been quiet.”

Riley gave a small shrug. “Tired.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Riley paused. “Sure.”

“That thing you said earlier,” Mr. Reed began gently, voice low and almost hesitant. “In bed. About… wanting my body.”

Riley flinched—not visibly, not enough for someone else to notice. But inside, something pulled. Tight. He didn’t look at him.

Mr. Reed kept his tone calm. “I know you said to forget it. But I haven’t. Not because I’m trying to make it a thing. I just… I’ve been thinking about it. And it felt like there was more behind it.”

Riley’s hands had dropped the towel and disappeared into the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He was pulling at the fabric with restless fingers, twisting, tugging. “I was just tired,” he said, his voice low. “I didn’t mean anything.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Riley.”

The way Mr. Reed said it—gentle, not accusatory—made it worse somehow. Riley bit down on the inside of his cheek. He hated this part. The almost part. The crackling space where a truth wanted to be let out but hadn’t figured out how yet.

“I’m not trying to force you to say anything,” Mr. Reed continued, slower now. “I just… I don’t like feeling you pull away from me when I don’t know why.”

That got him.

Riley closed his eyes. His chest ached in that deep, aching way that didn’t come with bruises, but it almost feels like it would be easier if it’d had. He couldn’t explain it—couldn’t unravel everything inside of him into neat little pieces for someone else to carry. But the pain of silence was starting to match the pain of being known.

“It’s not—” he began, then stopped. His throat bobbed with the effort to find the right words. His shoulders rose as he drew in a shaky breath, and then he turned away from the counter, standing now with arms folded tightly across his chest like a shield. His jaw tensed. “I don’t know how to say it,” he admitted.

“You don’t have to say anything you’re not ready to,” Mr. Reed said quickly. “Seriously. I’m not trying to pull it out of you.” Mr. Reed didn’t move closer. He didn’t make it heavier. He just waited. Riley felt that patience like a hand reaching out in the dark.

“I’ve been thinking about it for weeks,” Riley finally said, voice rough and unsteady. “How to say it. When. If I should even say it.”

Mr. Reed didn’t speak. Just listened.

Riley’s breath trembled as he forced himself to look up. “Can I ask you something first?”

“Anything.”

He hesitated. God, it would be easier to just spit it out. But he couldn’t. Not yet. He needed something to land on first. Something to tell him the ground wouldn’t fall away when he leapt.

Riley’s hands clenched tighter under his arms. He took one step closer, just enough that the words wouldn't feel like they had to cross a canyon to get where they were going. “If things were different,” Riley said carefully, “if you weren’t with me right now—do you think… you could ever see yourself dating a guy?”

It was a quiet question.

But it came from the center of him—tender and terrified.

Mr. Reed blinked. Not in surprise exactly, but in that slow way someone does when they’re choosing their words carefully. He didn’t laugh. He didn’t rush. He didn’t let silence hang too long, either.

“I think,” he said finally, “if I met someone who made me feel what you make me feel… yeah. I could.”

Riley’s eyes flickered.

“And not in some theoretical way,” Mr. Reed added, voice still soft but stronger now. “Not like a ‘maybe in another life’ thing. If it was real—if it was love—I wouldn’t care what box it came in.”

Riley swallowed hard. His heart was trying to crawl up his throat. It wasn’t everything, not yet—but it was something. A space opening. A door not slamming shut.

He didn’t cry this time. But he didn’t speak either. Mr. Reed didn’t ask anything else. He didn’t push. He just stepped forward and opened his arms.

Riley walked into them without a word.

There, in the hush between words left unsaid, he finally started to believe that maybe… maybe he could speak the rest someday.

And Mr. Reed—he just stayed still.

Close.

Unmoving.

Waiting.

As if to say: When you’re ready, I’m still here. 

[sophieinwonderland]

It's interesting that you mention thinking you were primarily made through parroting in the beginning (if I'm reading that correctly.)

Our expereince with making a tulpa had been incredibly difficult when we specifically tried to avoid parroting. About 10 or so years ago on reddit and tulpa.info and other such forums, parroting was a big fearmongering topic. It seems like it's gotten way more chill on all fronts, the people who stuck around and claimed having made tulpas ended up saying parroting wasn't as bad as others made it seem, and they really did make it seem like a big bad thing that would ruin your tulpa forever!

I think it was more them overthinking an ethics question, can you truly say a tulpa is independent if you started out choosing words for them? I think the answer is more likely that the human brain is really good at being another person, but it still needs some guidance to jumpstart that. The issue of ethics would apply after the tulpa starts talking on its own, if you dismiss what it says or decide it is saying smth else, thats an issue only after it begins to actially act on its own. But it needs a blueprint to follow. It brings to mind the phenomenon of authors characters eventually gaining their own autonomy, wanting to take the story into different directions and going against the author's wishes. It wasn't until we allowed ourselves to parrot by essentially writing fanfiction of our tulpa that he actually started to talk on his own. I think parroting can be a really important tool, and it just kinda sucks how much it was shunned as a wholly bad thing back then.

Sorry this was more of me ranting in your inbox about how the beginnings of tulpamancy really left a sore mark on us, but I'm extremely glad to hear more cases of parroting being an actually effective tool!

I think another reason for this mentality is a fear that this would cause more parrotnoia later, and possibly make it harder to recognize when the tulpa starts acting for themselves.

But IMO, it's a bunch of elitist, purist nonsense.

The vast majority of accidental tulpas start out from imaginary friends or OCs who the creator parrots in the beginning before developing into a fully autonomous tulpa.

And anyone who spends time in the tulpa community should recognize that.

And surely if this works for accidental tulpas, it's probably a more efficient method of making tulpas. It's so easy, people do it when they're not even trying!

And I don't see these adverse effects from accidental tulpa made this way that a lot of these purists would expect to see.

Obviously, excessive parroting is bad. But I believe a bit in the beginning before they're developed into a tulpa is a great way to get the ball rolling.

[ekcportfolio]

Basically a big Hoyo wallpaper dump. XD I just felt artistic when I got home today. I honestly wasn't intending on making so many Sunday ones, but honestly people made a bunch of pngs of him that were awesome art so there was just more available for inspiration. Like I would really love to make another Aventurine one, but I didn't have an idea of other motifs to do with the other renders I have. I'm actually even pushing it on creativity with the last Sunday one.

But anyway, new Zhongli one that I think is finally better than the other two I made and like a better motif and scheme than the other two. I mixed a texture in with like his profile plate thing. I used the traditional characters for his name because my Japanese computer doesn't seem to like simplified.

Aventurine's is pretty straightforward, but I played with the colors a bit to try to get both his yellow-gold color along with his green together in a nice blend. The roulette there is a screenshot from his trailer too.

Sunday's one's the first two are basically playing with lights for the most part. I go a generic render of a piano for the 2nd one to try to like emphasize some mad playing skills, and honestly sometimes I forget that he's very musically inclined. He kind of reminds me a little bit of how much I liked Nodame Cantabile back in the day because his boss motif is as a conductor (Chiaki), but like his trailer is all the piano (Nodame). The web event was violin though, which doesn't really fit that reminder other than it being a classical instrument. I guess also a bit of Eternal Sonata because that game is all Chopin. The background of both of the first two does actually have game screenshots though. The first one has the Penacony Grand Theater, but mostly darkened out as I lit it so that it seemed like he had sudden divine inspiration or something. The 2nd one is a screenshot from his trailer where one of himself is playing in the theater. Underneath the big piano him is a tiny version of him also playing the piano on a different layer. The light beam is from that background image so I placed it in such a way so that it'd light the bigger image of him and played around with the lighting to hide most of the rest of the background.

The third Sunday one I think I was getting tired and I don't think I got the lighting exactly right. I'll probably get around to another one like I came back around for this Zhongli one in the future. The background is an actual cathedral picture and I just played with the lighting and colors to try to get something cohesive. Placement and such though I was trying to like make him seem like really holy and like rising up like an actual angel. He's like so biblical motif and very seraph-y. I kind of wish there were renders of him with the six wings, but I think this is okay.

I honestly don't really know why I wanted to do so many Sunday ones, but I just did. Like I said the art was pretty and he's out right now and also escaping my pulls. ;o; I really don't want to spend that much money on him, but also I'm trying to make a secondary team for my Dan Heng Imbibitor Lunae because my main team is a break team with Aventurine and Acheron, and I just want a team of my favorite boys. Also, for real all these boys from the walls I've made recently are yellow. Like Dan Heng's the other day because he's Imaginary and had some gold on his outfit, but Zhongli has yellow gold from being Geo and both Aventurine and Sunday are also Imaginary, but have a lot of gold in general in their motifs too. I was actively trying to change the text color in the Sunday wallpapers so that not all of them would be yellow.

Sunday makes me think of a bunch of things though because I didn't really like him so much at first because he was kind of a dick to Aventurine. But then like after his fall and events with his sister, it seemed like he probably was actually okay and just misled by his adoptive parent, but is also very genuine in wanting to help people. Just misled on the how and the helicopter parenting kind of POV. But like he seems like he genuinely wants to learn and does seem to have regret for his mistakes. Like he genuinely seems like a very sweet boy that really just wanted to try his best and got it wrong. I hope he learns a lot on his travels. But like also, I was raised by a Catholic mother who took me to church sometimes. My English name is a biblical name too, and I don't really care so much and I don't really believe in organized religion because I feel like a lot of churches are corrupt or like really hypocritical in how they interpret scripture or even like...just dumb. Like I don't really think they follow the spirit of things and like hold on so tightly to words that were written, chosen, and translated by fallible human men who had their own agendas they were pushing. Like Sunday's story route is like a child who was raised in the church only to meet the outside world and realize that the religion he was taught was full of hypocrisies and hate that he wasn't aware of, which is how I felt growing up where there was what scripture and churches "said", but then I also didn't want to be a mean jerk to other people? So yeah, Sunday kind of just hits a spot for me.

[woodchipp]

A CRITIQUE OF OMORI, PART 6: UNORIGINALITY

NOTE: Reader discretion is advised. By clicking on “Keep reading”, you willingly choose to continue reading the post.

This is more of a "bonus" post. It is not as important as the other five posts before it and is more of a rant than anything.

Even though just calling OMORI "another quirky Earthbound-inspired RPG about depression" would be rather reductive, OMORI is painfully derivative at its core. For a game renowned for pushing the envelope for what indie RPGs can do, it's actually rather unimpressive. In terms of story, the game it bears the most resemblance to is - surprisingly enough - Silent Hill 2, with the similarities being... suspicious.

The male protagonist (James; Sunny) kills his female loved one (Mary; Mari), represses the memory of doing so and convinces himself she's still alive (James comes to Silent Hill in hopes of finding Mary after allegedly receiving a letter from her; Sunny conjures an imaginary fantasyland where Mari is still alive). The only major difference is that James killed Mary consciously while Sunny killed Mari accidentally.

Tying into the previous point, OMORI establishes that Mari died 4 years ago prior to the events of the game because of an external circumstance Sunny had no control over (suicide) to hide the fact that Sunny killed her, exactly the same way SH2 establishes that Mary died 3 years ago prior to the events of the game due to an external circumstance James had no control over (terminal illness) to hide the fact that James killed her.

As the screenshots at the top of the post show, both James and Sunny are established as generally reticent characters who don't outwardly emote much but are described by other characters (Mary in James' case, Sunny's friends in Sunny's case) as kind and sweet.

Silent Hill 2's Mary is James' kind, gentle and seemingly perfect wife who used to play the piano and dearly loved her husband; near the end of the game, it is implied that she verbally abused James during her final days, with said abuse partially being the reason he killed her. Similarly, OMORI's Mari is Sunny's kind, gentle and seemingly perfect older sister who used to play the piano and dearly loved her younger brother; near the end of the game, it is revealed that she harshly berated Sunny, with said upbraiding partially being the reason Sunny shoved her down the stairs.

Furthermore, inspecting the piano in the Lakeview Hotel has James briefly reminisce that he loved to hear Mary play the piano even though she wasn't very good at it; during the final memory of Memory Lane, Basil mentions that Sunny always sits in the room with Mari while she's practicing the piano.

The plot of Silent Hill 2 focuses on James' surreal trek through the town as his subconscious (represented via the Otherworld, Pyramid Head and the monsters) tries to get him to face the fact that he committed a murder. Similarly, the plot of OMORI focuses on Sunny's surreal trek through his imaginary fantasyland as his subconscious (represented via Black Space, Stranger, Something and its variants) tries to get him to face the fact that he committed manslaughter.

The recurring fog in Headspace represents the lack of mental clarity, as the game itself spells out to you. Do I even need to say anything here?

The main antagonistic forces of Silent Hill 2 are the symbolic embodiment of James' guilt that also serves as a constant reminder of his wrongdoing (Pyramid Head) and the personification of James' wish-fulfillment delusions that is meant to distract him from learning the truth (Maria). Similarly, the main antagonistic forces of OMORI are the symbolic embodiment of Sunny's guilt that also serves as a constant reminder of his wrongdoing (Something) and the personification of Sunny's wish-fulfillment delusions that is meant to prevent him from learning the truth (Omori)

Both James and Sunny/Omori are forced to descend into an eldritch location representing their subconscious - the Labyrinth and Black Space respectively - in the second half of their respective games. OMORI even has you enter Black Space by jumping through a hole in the floor!

The revelation that Sunny killed Mari directly precedes OMORI's penultimate boss fight against Basil, just like the revelation that James killed Mary precedes Silent Hill 2's penultimate boss fight against the twin Pyramid Heads. Additionally, the Truth segment's long walk to the tree where the final photo lies is reminiscent of the long hallway James has to go through before confronting the final boss.

Silent Hill 2's "Maria" ending shows James ultimately embracing his delusions by accepting Maria as Mary's replacement to avoid facing up to his guilt; similarly, the ending of OMORI's Hikikomori route shows Sunny embracing his delusions to avoid facing up to his guilt by staying in Headspace forever.

Of course, to insinuate Omocat stole Silent Hill 2's entire plot would be too absurd of an accusation, but the similarities were too glaring for me to ignore. Make of them what you will.

Silent Hill 2 isn't the only game OMORI heavily resembles. Aside from the very obvious "inspiration" the game takes from Yume Nikki, many of the things this game tries to do have been already done in some form (oftentimes better) by other indie RPGs and video games in general that were released before it.

Headspace is Earthbound's Magicant made into a whole game. The major difference is that Magicant is actually relevant to the story in both of the games it's featured in. By the way, don't Daddy Longlegs' appearance and his function in the plot seem strikingly familiar?

Omori stands down and vanishes at the end of the final boss fight after Sunny plays the recital he and Mari were meant to play, just like Giegue stands down and calls off the invasion of Earth after Ninten and his team sing the lullaby his adoptive mother, Maria, used to sing to him during the climax of Earthbound Beginnings.

OFF and Ib have already featured hand-drawn aesthetics all the way back in 2008 and 2012 respectively; in Ib, it also was a crucial part of the story and the gameplay instead of simply being an aesthetic choice.

Something and the variants of it you fight throughout the game seem to be made out of clay, an aesthetic choice the two Hylics games have already featured.

Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass has already featured the exact same "kid uses sugar-coated dream world to cope with hardship in his life" general premise, the hardship in question being terminal cancer in Jimmy's case. It also had Jimmy fight his fears, heights and spiders included. The final boss, the Pulsating Mass itself, tries to break Jimmy by taking the appearance of his family and verbally abusing him, with Jimmy getting the special "Heartbroken" status effect, just like Omori tries to break Sunny by reminding him that his friends loved Mari and he killed her while inflicting the special "Afraid" emotion on him. On top of that, JatPM features Jimmy facing off against the personification of his self-loathing too!

The LISA games have already featured OMORI's initial premise of "brother grieves his sister's suicide and has to deal with his own severe mental issues along the way". The major difference is that Lisa's suicide is a suicide caused by her father's sexual abuse instead of being a contrived cover-up planned and executed by a 12-year-old.

Truth be told, I'd have been genuinely glad to overlook such minutiae if the game's story was actually compelling or gripping. It isn't.

OMORI's story fails to be complex and compelling for a multitude of reasons. The main protagonist is dull, doesn't have much impact on the plot and comes off as more unpleasant than intended, the main characters in general are fleshed out poorly and their personalities are spelled out to the player multiple times rather than shown, the supposedly soul-crushing plot twist makes no sense under scrutiny, and the game is rife with unfortunate implications regarding the topic of mental illness, which it relies on to make the plot interesting. The emotions OMORI tries to evoke don't feel earned either, and come off as more of a "smokescreen" to divert the player's attention from the plot's lack of substance.

After all, in this game, the Feels are always more of a priority than the Reals.

[randonauticrap]

A Letter to Myself ~ Chapter 1

Series Description: A 1st person POV Isekai Ikemen Prince adventure told by me, your narrator. Not all true stories are believable, and not all true stories are real. I have changed my name and the names of anyone who inspired these characters.

Chapter Description: Liliana goes to sleep after another disappointing experience with love, and wakes up inside a very strange dream.

Chapter Title: Dream Truths

Triggers: Negative self talk; vague mention of fatphobia

There are few things in this world I love more than singing, sleeping, and daydreaming. They’re the three things that can always reset my anxious mind, and push out all forms of mental clutter, if only long enough for me to focus on the task at hand. That particular evening, the task at hand was wishing that my situationship (who, after I admitted I had feelings for earlier that day, told me he didn’t actually feel that way about me, and saw me only as a friend) had instead been one of the dashing princes in my favorite otome game. I think everyone could agree that they would never. But the quiet of the night threatened to envelop me nonetheless; this wasn’t the first time I’ve been fooled by pretty words and flirtatious kindness. It wasn’t even the second or third, and I’ve begun to wonder who the real problem is. Am I simply misinterpreting this behavior? Was my perception truly that terrible? I didn’t think so, since I could usually nail down just about anyone I met: what their struggles were, why they acted the way they did, and so on and so forth. In fact, it was one of the things I was known for in my friend circles - being a mind reader. 

But for some reason, when love was involved, my radar was off; or broken; or just flat out missing altogether. It was something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember; to be loved the way I love, but fate seemed to stand against me in that regard. What if I just wasn't meant to have my own love story? My heart clenched at the thought that plagued me over and over. It was no mystery that my body type was not one that was so popularly celebrated in many circles, and I'd experienced my fair share of backlash over it through the years. And while, thankfully, many women in this day and age were standing up and speaking out about it, I still received far too many judgmental eyes on me when I dared to eat in public; didn't matter if it was 4pm and it was the first thing I'd eaten since I woke up at 7am. 

So it should come as no surprise that the little voice in my head - that damn goblin - often added "overweight" to the list of qualities that left men… wanting, in regards to myself. But the laundry list was miles long by now, and not even the newest Whirlpool could scrub it clean. Besides, who could afford that much laundry detergent? Certainly not me. Not in this economy. 

Usually, I could stir up some comforting scenario with the handsome first prince and lull myself to sleep in his imaginary arms, but the trick wasn't working tonight. God, of course it wasn't. I had to be up in around 4 hours to go to rehearsal, and sleep had been evading me almost as much as men did. "Is sleep a man?" I pondered aloud to my quiet bedroom. "Would make a hell of a lot of sense." I grumbled under my breath as I reached for the Melatonin gummies on my nightstand. I popped two in my mouth and chewed begrudgingly until the almost-fruit tang flavor was gone from my mouth, then let my head fall unceremoniously back onto my pillow with a dull thud. 

Now my neck hurts. Of course it does.

I tossed and turned for awhile longer, praying the Melatonin would do its work, and at last, I felt the gentle tug of sleep calling the deep recesses of my brain. Thank God, now I can go see Jin. It was the last coherent thought I had before diving under, my subconscious brain taking over, my desires in tow. 

…

…..

…….

Birds. 

I was hearing birds. Is this a dream? Those birds don't sound like the birds outside my window normally do. Those sound like… what the hell is that? A weed wacker? It isn't Friday. Is it? This has to be a dream, there's no way I missed two days; I've slept for long periods of time, but never 48 hours straight, long. That's like, coma long. God, I hope I haven't peed the bed. 

I cracked one eye open slowly, noting the lack of crust around it. Thank God, I'm finally re-hydrated. I'd been dehydrated for pretty much my entire life, through no one's fault but my own, and I'd always wanted to be one of those girls who could tote around a cute water bottle the size of a milk jug and drink it all in one day. But alas, God had other plans when he made me. Maybe he was distracted, I don't know. But I had been trying to take better care of myself lately, so I guess it finally paid off! Hopefully this means no more headaches, and-

I opened my other eye to stare up at my ceiling. I wonder what ti- wait. "M'kaaaay, maybe I do have eye crust." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with my index fingers. Cause that's not my ceiling. Have I gone blind? Oh God, am I blind?

I opened my eyes again and flicked my gaze around the room quickly. Okay, not blind. A relieved sigh petered out of my lungs, but it only lasted a second before I cast my eyes around the room again, in earnest this time. This is not my room. My head swiveled left; right; left again. Okay, so I'm dreaming. Damn it, I probably still have eye crust. I shook my head in disappointment as I sat up in bed. The room I was in was small; tiny, even in comparison to mine, which was saying something. There was a single painting on the wall perpendicular to my right, hung precariously on the dusty beige wall. It looked like a lush green forest with a river running through the center. Pretty. 

My eyes continued their journey right and landed on a small, rustic looking side table with an oil lamp on it, along with a well-worn book. On impulse, I picked up the book and stroked its spine while I read the words on the cover. "Liliana's Adventures" Funny. That's my name. Could my brain really not come up with anything better than this for a title? Jeez, and I call myself a writer. A sound between a scoff and a laugh escaped my lips as I set the book back down on the side table and turned my head to the left. 

There was a small table with two rickety wooden chairs and what looked like a sewing project neatly folded on the tabletop. Okay, is my brain trying to tell me to pick up a new hobby or something, or did I watch too much Lord of the Rings last night? I noticed that there was a simple mirror on the wall across from me that reflected the bland beige wall above my head, the door to the tiny room, and a single window, notched in the downward slope of the ceiling to my left. I didn't understand. Why did my subconscious bring me here of all places? And where even is here? I mean, it has to be a dream. I just "woke up" and the inside of my mouth doesn't even feel gross, and there's no way that's real. 

I pulled myself out of the small, stiff bed and padded over to the window, my feet bare on the chilly wooden panels. The most beautiful garden I had ever seen in my life sprawled out before my eyes way down below. Bursts of yellow, white, pink, and red lined a maze of pathways through the middle, and showcased the gorgeous flowers in bloom. Most of them looked like roses. Wow… now I understand the weed wacker. 

I could get lost tracing each walkway with my eyes, and apparently I did, because I didn't hear the angry footsteps stomping up to the door of my room until it burst open and an irate woman screeched through it. "Leisel, quit your dawdling, we are due in the kitchen in five minutes!" The door slammed shut just as suddenly as it had opened and I jumped hard, nearly knocking my head on the sloped ceiling in the process.  "Who the hell is Leisel?"

~

Tags for the Lovelies: @aquagirl1978 @rhodolitesroseforclavis @ikehoe @queengiuliettafirstlady @maries-gallery @nightghoul381 @judejazza @xbalayage @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @alvieeru @aria-chikage @tele86

[bookhighlightss]

THE MADE SERIES REVIEW

a. The sweetest oblivion (6/10)

1. Okay this book was lowkey cute. initially I didn't wanna read it bcs it felt shitty she was after her sister's man but it wasn't like that so it actually helped.

2. I read this like 24 hrs ago but I finished this series in one day so I don't remember a lot but it has to be the best book out of this series.

3. Erm Nico is a bit pushy hehe!!(Like a lot) I actually liked him in the beginning when it was all angst and forbidden and shit but then it just became fucking weird for no reason when he was like AAAAAHHHH I WANT HER AAAAAHHHH ILL HAVE HER WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT like my brother chill.

4. Okay so the FMC lowkey has no spine... But erm as long as she likes him with all his mysoginy sure I guess!!!

5. I will however say that nico is not a red flag or a green flag he's an in between ig. What put me off was the forced marriage when she literally asked him to wait for a week atleast and he didn't respect her wishes or her BCS... Let's be real. But after reading the whole series Nico feels like a jewel.

b. The maddest obsession (1/10)

1. Christian allister is an ick. Yes the title is right. He is mad. He is obsessed. So obsessed that he does not know what boundaries are. So obsessed that he never listens to what she wants. So obsessed that he never could look at things from her point of view.

2. He is an actual psycho y'all!!! And it's not in a teehehe cute way!!! AND HOWW TF DID HE END UP IN THE FBI HUH??!!!!

3. To say he was plain insensitive and disregarded every single wish of Gianna would be an understatement.

4. I feel like the author should have let Gianna have some independent life of her own but it felt like her life was tbh a burden to her. It was one horrible man after another. And while Christian did not physically harass her he emotionally did that for sure bcs he might have had feelings for her but he didn't show it. She couldn't feel it so it was just another fucking man on her plate.

5. Lowkey expected Gianna to be this confident sparkly girly but no it didn't exactly give. She was mentally broken and destroyed and all Christian did was fuck her up more and you can't convince me otherwise. At the end of the day it was just an obsession bcs THAT IS NOT FUCKING LOVE.

c. The darkest temptation (-1000/10)

1. Oh don't get me started on this one. I was very close to a DNF on this one. Anyone that loves this motherfucker or loves the characters needs to be checked. And I wouldn't trust them to protect an imaginary ant.

2. Pure sexual assault. Goodluck convincing me otherwise. HE LITERALLY TOOK HER VIRGINITY WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS ONE AND HE SAID "MY LITTLE LIAR" SHE SAID NO. OMG SHE SAID NO AND PLEASE AND HE DIDN'T LISTEN UNTIL HE SAW BLOOD. AND THEN HE COULDNT STOP HIMSELF. BUT WHEN HE DID HE MADE HER FEEL LIKE SHIT AND THEN WALKED AWAY AND ACTED LIKE A VICTIM BECAUSE HE DIDNT "DO" VIRGINS.

3. For like 3/4 of the book he calls her everything horrible attacks her dignity. Disrespects her. BUT WHEN HE RAPES HER HE SOMEHOW FEELS BAD and that my friends is when he changes. But no matter how sweet or nice which btw he wasn't after that NOTHING WILL EVER FIX THAT. This girl was weird bcs she had no spine no common sense and her heart wasn't on a sleeve she was daft and dumb.

4. He didn't protect her once. He literally gave no damn about her. And this was Stockholm syndrome full on. This is what Stockholm syndrome is people. That was not love that was rape converting into "love". And remember just because the body "reacts" a no means no. Bcs your body is built to react sometimes positively sometimes negatively. But she did not want that and her syndrome showed up later for her to want it.

5. The one thing this book pin down right was he was the villain. But he's not the villain that should get the girl. He's the villain that should sit alone in a dark room feeling hollow and fucked up. And tbh he's the lesser of two evil. Bcs according to the books her dad isn't into trafficking BUT THST DOESN'T MAKE HIM DIFFERENT. HE KNEW HIS MEN ASSAULTED. HE ASSAULTED. JUST BCS HE DONT TRADE DOESN'T MEAN HES BETTER. Holy shit this book had me raging.

Overall I've had my fair share of shitty books but this series took the cake. Because wtf. This series is exactly what I mean when I say love has become lust. Where is the yearning. Where is the stolen glances. Where is the agony and pain.

[wordycheeseblob]

Inspiration

Plot: Clavis feels like he hasn't made any progress. To create something inspiring, one must first be inspired, so he and Cyran venture into the unknown to find it.

Word count: 740

Featured characters: Clavis, Cyran

A/N: here's a short self-indulgent story for a friend, and part of my 100 Follower celebration why not

"Admit it we've been going in circles for hours ¨ Cyran who had been following quietly up until now sighed in defeat. "That's the second time I've seen that weirdly shaped branch"

"You're imagining things." Clavis was some distance ahead, bringing a hand to his face in a shielding manner, his eyes crinkling either from the afternoon sun or in an attempt to see something far away only he could see. "And what if you did? Just means we were on the right way twice. Definitely not lost. No way."

"Will you at least tell me what we're looking for? You know, for reference..."

Clavis laughed. "Even if I tell you, it's up to me to find it. No one else can"

"Which is..." The red head knight pressed on, all too familiar with Clavis' antics.

"Inspiration!" There was eagerness in his voice mixed with the tiredness of going uphill. The further they advanced, the steeper the path became until it disappeared completely, swallowed by the sun-burnt scrubs and high yellow grass that tangled at their feet, slowing down their journey into the unknown.

"You've got to be kidding me..." Cyran frowned. Unbelievable. Under the sweltering heat of a summer's day, when the sun was at its highest and shined the strongest, they were traveling through the highland looking for some intangible tangent. Knowing Clavis was to never take his word at face value, perhaps there was some other variable he wasn't letting on. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. "Anything else?" Cyran added cautiously.

"Naturally, some perspective would also come in handy"

The prince slumped on a rock, winded. "Think of it as a paid vacation"

Setting aside the massive backpack with travelling equipment, Cyran sat by his side.

"I rather not." He fished a flask of water from a compartment and offered it to Clavis. "Why not just give up? You've been going at it for days now. It's pointless without results."

"Goodness, you sound just like him," Clavis eyed the ripples in the water with distaste. "Maybe I have been going in circles..." That last part was hushed, almost a whisper, washed away by the water as he took another swig.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Up and let's get going. Success doesn't wait!" Almost as if nothing happened, Clavis sprang up and continued on his merry way, Cyran following suit reluctantly.

Clavis observed the dry landscape absentmindedly; the incessant song of crickets made it hard to concentrate. In truth, it felt so long since he made any real progress.

Everything he did, anything he tried... nothing would even come close to Chevalier. And he's been doing what he did for a long time now, but somehow, he felt stuck in one place. No matter how hard he tried to catch up to his brother, he always stayed ahead, out of reach. That bastard. Sometimes he even doubted if he did it for himself or because of his stupid brother. Of course, those days he reminded himself that he, Clavis Lelouch, was an artist at heart and the path of an artist was never an easy one. You didn't receive a diploma for becoming creative, and at most one could only be creative for their own pleasure.

In Clavis' mind, the road to artistic prowess was different to each individual. That's why it's an untold, unbeaten path. Something unique to oneself. Many gave up along the way, discouraged by the seemingly effortless mastery of others and dismayed by their own imaginary stagnation because there is no definite destination, the end never clear nor seen.

Maybe it wasn't the right time, the people were yet to understand the subtle nuance of his creations, but Clavis would never forfeit his craft. That's perhaps the one thing his brother could never take from him.

A soft breeze caressed his face, playing with the loose sleeves of his coat, tugging him out of the depth of his mind to the realization that they've reached the rocky top.

He contemplated the rolling plains in wonder. The sea of grass under the cloudless sky, the gentle play of small birds, soaring high above. After all, what other option was there. Give up? Clavis closed his eyes.

He'd never really learned the meaning of that word.

[mbrainspaz]

✨

In my youth the thought of living my life alone didn't just seem bad, it was inconceivable. Not only was I always around big groups of friends and family, but so much of the way I lived my life; the value I placed on relationships, the standards I held myself to, the late night philosophizing, the photo albums I kept, the journaling, all the little movies I made—it was all built around the imperative of sharing my life with someone special. The other person that society and religion told me I would definitely have someday. I believed back then that I was half of something. I stopped expecting a soulmate as soon as I started dating. I redoubled my attempts at sharing the media of my life with family and friends, as if by witnessing my life experience through my little movies and stories they could somehow fill the void I had built for another soul and validate my existence. To my frustration their clear lack of understanding and their disregard for the things I shared often only highlighted the distance between us and deepened my loneliness. I told myself I was being pathetic for needing attention the way I did but the need to be seen—not just noticed but witnessed in a visceral way I still struggle to even articulate—wouldn't go away.

In time I realized I was already a whole person and this was horrific in it's own way because I still wasn't enough. I had god the whole time too of course, the imaginary friend who supposedly had infinite attention to give. He, of course, was never great with feedback. Neither were any of my other imaginary friends. I turned to the internet and got some small satisfaction from playing the attention games of social media. Hundreds, sometimes thousands, of views and little likes from a few friends and the faceless masses were enough to numb the creeping sense of isolation for a while.

In my early to mid 20's I entered such a deep and complete period of loneliness that sometimes I saw my soul floating in a black void. Wether I imagined god there with me there or not didn't particularly matter. This vivid hallucination that tormented me, particularly on days spent alone at my desk or while eating food I had cooked for myself alone, was punctuated by magnesium flares of connection as friends would visit or family would check in on me. Sometimes having their sudden brightness so close stung more sharply than the slow ache of the void. I never had the resources to visit them. Between my poverty and the astronomical cost of travel they might as well have been living in distant galaxies. When they inevitably vanished again and I was left alone I did my best to imagine looking out past the black void to see them shining on like constellations. A whole universe of my little stars. I loved watching their stories too. I wished I could get closer, see every little detail. I longed to see them the way I wanted to be seen, but they were all so far away. I let their presence comfort me as I drifted through space. I turned inward to my stories full of characters with the soul connections I craved.

Then the stars started blinking out. Oh, sometimes new distant lights would appear, beautiful and unreachable, but I could see the vast canvas of space around me getting darker. Some of the oldest stars in the sky were tired of watching me. Some told me they never really cared about me or my stories. They only liked their idea of me, which turned out to be nothing like me at all—a feeble distorted frozen image captured years ago. Did they loose sight of me back then or did they never really try to see me? Just like god being there, did it make a difference either way? If they had really seen me, would it have mattered?

My purpose shifted again but there was nothing to do except keep writing my story where connections were real and keep broadcasting the 24/7 livestream of Me. Send it out with a wink and a thumbs up. I'm doing great. I'm doing fine. I'm not but I'm still making this thing that matters to me. I still exist. Do you? Sometimes while trawling social media for glimmers of old friends a notification would pop up with a message from one of those distant stars. I was noticed, however briefly. I was glimpsed. Still alone but seen. Shining cold and brilliant from afar. A star, not a soul.

[aglassabyss]

my thoughts on i saw the tv glow

i went to watching this movie blind and it felt like a real iceberg moment for me. for context, i'd like to think i'm a cis+ woman who's aware of gender enough to have deconstructed my identity and decided "yeah, i'm good with mine". i know about the struggles of gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, eggs and cracking eggs, etc but this movie really showed me how knowing and truly knowing with your whole heart is soooo different. it's humbling, eye-opening, sad, and hopeful.

my first impression of the movie was that it was a great existentialist film. i kind of wished i knew about the unreality triggers beforehand but i managed to hold on. difficult when maddy as tara was telling owen as owen about the whole "this world is the midnight zone". anyways, it was a look at the whole "you're in a false reality and you know now" trope and.... showed us the consequences. i think of the matrix and their traitor character who knew of the false reality and embraced it. there's a scene when he's in a restaurant, knowing fully that it is a false reality but loving the taste of steak too much. he was willing to betray his crew to be able to enjoy this and other luxuries that he wouldn't have otherwise. this man benefited from the system and in i saw the tv glow... owen didn't. it was a "what if" of this character if he didn't get any benefits, if he knew and he was trapped. life's good if you were only content with barely scraping by. with this impression, i finished watching the movie and liked it enough but it felt like i was missing a piece of the picture.

i went to wikipedia afterwards to read the synopsis, like i usually do to make sure i got everything that was important. i will say now that i clocked the scene where owen as isabel wore the pink dress and smiled. i held onto that piece thinking that a scene latter would expand on it, then forgot about it when trying to assemble the whole picture. looking back on it, i had the pieces that "owen is isabel" and "owen as owen is a false reality" but i thought that the fact that his gender is different was a minor change. but actually, that fact was the entire theme of the movie. i can't help but feel dumb for overlooking such an important part of it, but the realization of "i'm not thinking of gender" is part of being cisgender. I don't think of gender because i don't have to (especially on a daily basis), which is why i missed such a crucial detail. would i have intuited this knowing from the start that this is "the trans movie"? probably, but the realization that i didn't clock it was a valuable experience of how me being cisgender makes me blind to things.

it took me reading about the production section of wikipedia where the director wrote about this movie being made during the period where they were on HRT that it even came to my head that i should look more into the trans lens (cringe, humiliating, i know). i read a few more reviews of the movie, and looked at the tumblr tags to see all the art and the parts that people loved. reading the reviews helped me see... that this is the reality for some people. how much they related to this movie, to owen as owen, to owen as isabel, to maddy as tara coming back to try to save owen... the wonderful fanart of owen trying to escape, "there is still time" over and over, gifs of his worst moment, the reactions of trans people before and after the movie... i actually started crying at this realization

in the worst moments of my personal life, i struggled with derealization and depersonalization for a period of time. life wasn't real, life wasn't ever real. there might have been another existence for me but maybe there wasn't and that was the truth. this was for a period of time for me and i thought about an imaginary someone who felt the same things i did but for their whole life. and then it wasn't just imaginary someones, but a username on a screen... multiple usernames on a screen, names of people i don't know but who are out there, someone i probably know, some people who exist here on this earth, a lot of people on this earth. maybe it is a bit of exaggeration, but i'm sure that at least part of what i felt during those times, my worst moments, was a constant part of someone's life as part of the background static. man, that felt terrible. it was like an existential crisis, but not personal. there must be a german word for the feeling of "i truly feel that the world is terrible for some people and i wasn't aware of this before but now i know".

then i kept looking back at those pieces i picked up. owen as a kid never opening up, his dad going "isn't that a show for girls?", he has a family when he's grown up but never shown, inside of him is an empty cavity, maddy as tara came back for him, our hearts are still beating, being buried as either owen to save isabel... or refusing and letting isabel be buried to save owen, owen as isabel still has time to go back to her real life if she wakes up soon, even if she has to crawl and fight her way out of the soil... i had the missing piece to get the whole picture and appreciating the details i couldn't before. the entire thing about the movie is that owen is isabel!! that's not just a minor gender change it's the entire theme of the movie!!!!!

that's about it for my rollercoaster of emotions with the aftermath of this movie. well deserved, well appreciated. i would recommend this movie especially to cis people who want to support the trans community because it really takes a film like this to have a deeper understanding of what it feels like to live like that. this is the reality for some people, this is the fear that they hold, this is a genuine reflection of the feelings of someone trans and wow, what a treasure it is.

[wormytoast]

probably gonna post the 2.4 chart tonight :)

in other news... (leaks)

the new xianzhou characters and even the ones outside of it have really opened up for a lot of discussion huh. i'm honestly really bummed about sunday being ANOTHER imaginary male unit but at least he's harmony. i know it technically could be fake but honestly it doesn't matter too much to me cuz i'm gonna get him anyways LOL. also it seems like there's conflicting info on whether moze is 4* or 5*— if he's 5* i'll probably pull for him but there's also leaks that he's lightning hunt which is fairly low priority for me so i guess it depends. ugh so much to plan for! i wish ruan mei wasn't rerun in 2.3 but at least i can pull on her banner for gallagher eids and if i get her it's a happy surprise, but it would also be goodbye to any chances of getting jiaoqiu. granted it's not like i really need him either, even if i do want him... being f2p is so difficult 😭

[littlegodzilla]

So it's season 2 of twd, and reader and norman have picked out a house in Georgia and are moving in together.

(both now have 3 season contracts for twd) the audience really responded to both their characters. reader's character is like daryl: good at hunting and tracking. (maybe it's similar to the first movie they did together. the writers have the characters as best friends).

then norman's ex (please make it an imaginary person, not his actual ex helena) is cast in a recurring role. meant to be daryl's love interest.

MEANWHILE reader and norman find out that she is pregnant! they're both so happy. But what about the show?

The show will have to make reader's character pregnant, too. But is daryl the father? someone else? How does this affect their relationship on and offscreen?

(maybe his ex is killed off sooner than expected and daryl gets with reader's character? or shane is the father? or there is another actor (hot actor of your choice) who is cast on the show as reader's love interest?)

Okay, maybe that's a lot. We'll talk. I hope this all makes sense. <3

Hiii!!

As you wish, we have more about Norman and Plus Size! Reader! Thank you very much for the support and thanks @minervadashwood for your incredible ideas, I love them so much.

Okay, enjoy this new part you all!!

Hope you like!!

******************

My Big Girl.

Norman Reedus x Plus Size!Reader.

Part 3.

Requested by: @minervadashwood

Warnings: Little jealousy. fluff. smut (Norman is a horny boy, sorry.) Norman stills blonde.

Words: 3400

Taglist: @phoenixblack89 @browneyes528 @lilythemadqueen @darylsgarden @thefemininemystiquee @green-eyedladywrites @hail-yourselves @ruinedbythehobbit @xxtinasxxblog @ravenwings73 @spenciepoo338 @b-tchymoon @minervadashwood @darylssluttt @let-love-bleeds-red @ravendixon @livingdeadblondequeen

*****************

You open the front door, your heart pounding in your chest. A huge smile forms on your mouth as the inside welcomes you.

Welcomes you.

Norman wraps his arms around your body as he rests his chin on your shoulder. A smile forms on your mouth, reaching up to stroke his hair as he kisses your cheek.

You've finally bought a house in Georgia, nothing too over the top, something comfortable and cozy for the time you spend there filming the new season of TWD. Because yes, you're still on the show. Apparently people have been fascinated by Daryl and Merle's story, getting Norman to sign on for several more seasons. Your character is also being liked, from the first episode they changed some scenes and plots for the first as well as the second season. Apparently they wanted to make a love trio between Rick, Lori and Shane, but they saw the chemistry you and Norman had and decided that your character would be Shane's girlfriend. You didn't mind, you had a good relationship with John and he was fun to work with, Norman found it a little harder to be present in the scenes you shared. Especially if you had to kiss each other.

"Is that necessary?" He'd say, crossing his arms. "I mean, he's already touching her hand, there's no need to kiss." I growled protesting like a child.

"Save that jealousy for your scenes Norman, they'll do us good to make it more real." Scoffed Greg making you all laugh.

Of course things changed with the end of last season, once Shane was out of the game it left a lot of open doors to play with, both in the main plot and in the love theme between your character and Daryl. It wasn't a forced situation, after all, in the original comic Shane Walsh didn't live long either.

Norman's kisses down your neck bring you back to reality, you smile and purr, letting yourself do it. His hands tug at your shirt, hiding under it, squeezing your breasts and you hear him growl in your ear.

"God, they're even bigger than before..." He gasps pushing his hard crotch against your ass.

That's another piece of good news you've recently learned - you're going to be parents! You hadn't really planned it this way, you hadn't really talked about it seriously either, but it was clear to you that someday, if Norman was ready too, you'd like to have a child. Watching him interact with Chandler and Madison made your heart flutter. He was good and kind to them, joking around and helping them get their nerves out of the way in front of the cameras. You knew that being a real father would involve more than just games and jokes, but something told you Norman could surprise you so much more.

"I'm pregnant." You told him one day. When you weren't in Georgia, you had also bought an apartment in New York, near the China Town area. Norman was drinking a beer and got the bottle halfway to his mouth.

"What?" was the only thing he was able to say and it scared you.

"I-I'm pregnant..." You whispered with some fear, now unsure how he was going to react.

"A-and..." He stammered and walked towards you, taking the beer from your hand. "Y-you can't drink, i-it could be bad for our son and..." His voice trembled turning into little whispers.

Maybe it wasn't reaction you expected, at least at first, but as he was aware of the news, the bigger your smile became, as you saw his eyes begin to sparkle and even a smile formed on his mouth.

"Our son..."

"Yes..."

After that you needed to talk to the TWD production after all, it was going to be a long time filming, your belly was going to get bigger and bigger and even though you all end up losing some weight due to the intense temperatures when you were filming, everyone would notice some changes. But it didn't seem to be something they were worried about, they gave you congratulations and it was all in their hands.

"Norman... the door..." You gasp, closing your eyes.

"Right..." He grunts pushing it with his foot, slamming it shut with his heel. A chuckle escapes you and you turn to look at him.

"Our stuff is out..."

"Screw them, I'll get them in later." He assures you, kissing you intensely, making you laugh against his mouth.

He gropingly guides you to your room. He only pulls apart a little to remove your shirt and his eyes look at you with latent desire. You feel your cheeks light up a little, Norman has always been an easy man to read and you can perfectly see the love and lust that is shaking him at that very moment. His hands caress your shoulders slowly moving down to your belly, always round and soft, now it is more bulging and hard, Norman's hands touch it adoringly. You never thought you'd meet someone who loved something you didn't yet have with you so much. He kisses you again with intensity, his hands leave your belly to unclasp your bra, you sigh with relief, your whole body is changing and growing more than normal, wearing a bra is sometimes becoming a nightmare. A moan escapes your mouth as Norman catches one of your nipples in his mouth, licking and sucking, while with his other hand he massages your other tit, pinching your nipple between his fingers. All that attention gives you goose bumps and your panties keep getting soaked.

You push him gently to break the contact, look at each other and kiss him to start undressing him. Norman helps you with quick and somewhat clumsy movements, you kiss his mouth again, bite his chin and move down his neck as your fingers play with his chest hair. Norman bends his head sighing, his fingers caress the red marks on your skin, due to the bra, and kisses the strap line imprinted on your shoulder. He tenses slightly as you pull his pants to the floor and try to kneel in front of him.

"Wait, wait."

"What's wrong?" You look at him confused.

"M-maybe you shouldn't do that... I mean, maybe it's not the most comfortable position..."

"Norman...we both know we've been in 'more uncomfortable positions'" You start to say, watching him redden. "I'm pregnant, it doesn't invalidate, I think I can still suck you off..."

"Yes, but... God, why do you have such a dirty mouth?" he grunts with some desperation, his cock still pulsing inside his pants. "Come." He asks you, preventing you from kneeling on the floor.

He guides you to the bed, where he carefully sits you down and positions himself between your legs, his crotch still hidden by his briefs, in front of your eyes.

"See, this way you're comfortable and I don't feel guilty because I want you to suck me off." He says sincerely and a giggle escapes you at the sight of his red ears.

You settle on the edge of the mattress, kissing his abdomen, following the line of hair that traces your way from his belly button to his underwear. Norman sighs as he feels your lips on top of the fabric, moistening his length.

"Don't play with me, honey..." He warns you with a growl.

You smile and slowly pull down his briefs, his cock rises before you, you hold it rubbing it slowly without taking your eyes off him, before opening your mouth and licking his glans. Norman gasps as he feels you catch him fully in your mouth, you hollow your cheeks sucking harder as your head pumps at a slow pace.

"Oh fuck, I love your dirty mouth, baby." He bites the tip of his tongue, slowly moving his hips against you.

You hum against his length, the vibration of your voice runs all over his cock, seeping pleasure all the way down to his balls, Norman throws his head back letting himself be carried away by the pleasure.

Norman holds your hair and slowly pulls his cock out of your mouth, its tip brushing against your wet, reddening lips.

"So precious and perfect." He smiles and you let out a giggle.

He holds you down and lays you on the bed. He finishes undressing you to stand between your legs. You moan and arch as his fingers enter you, touching those perfect spots he always manages to find as his tongue and lips give due attention to your clit. Your eyes roll every time his fingers twist inside you and his tongue doesn't stop stinging your sensitive muscle.

"No-Norman!" you moan his name as you feel your orgasm jolt you rolling your eyes.

Norman doesn't pull away until your legs stop jerking, unconsciously locked against his head, though he doesn't mind, he loves feeling trapped between your thighs, tasting you, soaking in your scent. Slowly he sits up, licking his lips. He settles between your legs, his lips kiss your thighs, your bulging belly, he plays with your breasts until a new moan escapes your mouth, he keeps moving up and kisses you slowly, moving his hips, the tip of his cock rubbing against your folds. You wrap your legs around his waist, his belly pressing against yours and tensing over your body.

"Hey... "He stops again and you look at him worriedly. "D-do you think we should...?"

"What are you talking about?" Now you're even confused.

"It's just... What if I hit it?" he mumbles and you open your eyes wide. "What if I hit it unintentionally?"

You can't help it, a violent guffaw escapes your mouth, having to cover yourself with both hands. Norman looks uncomfortable, he sits back on his heels looking at you, frowning.

"Honey, this isn't the first time we've had sex, being pregnant."

"I know! But it was smaller, now it's bigger and maybe..."

"Norman, listen to me..." You ask him. You hold his shoulders making him lie on top of you again. "I love your cock, I really do, and yes it's bigger than average, but trust me, you're not going to hit the baby and cause a concussion." You are unable to say that without laughing. Norman fidgets nervously, still a little hesitant. "Besides, the doctor said sex was good for pregnancy." He looks at you cocking his head..

"When did he say that?"

"Honey, are you going to finish what you started or do I have to do it myself?" you sigh with some impatience. Out of the corner of your eye you see his cock straining against his stomach again.

"I love it when you take control..." He grunts and you take it as an invitation, you lean on his shoulders, but. "No." He stops you by holding your wrists, puts your arms above your head and clasps both your hands with one of his. A new cramp of pleasure runs through you. "Not this time, I have to get some of my pride back." He says, a chuckle escapes you that dies in your throat as he slowly enters you.

"Norman..." You gasp his name closing your eyes, biting your lip.

"Fuck, always so tight and wet for me." He snorts and thrusts harder staying wedged inside you.

A moan escapes from both of your mouths. His hand squeezes tighter on your wrists, you wrap your legs around his waist and he begins to move slowly, your hips accompanying him finding that rhythm that drives you both crazy.

The room immediately fills with moans and gasps, the heat of your bodies intoxicating the atmosphere, the increasingly intense pleasure swirling inside your bodies.

"My God Norman, it feels so good!" you cry out arching your back. He releases your wrists and holds your legs apart, spreading them a little wider, thrusting harder, faster, watching his cock lose itself inside you, again and again. "I'm... I'm going to..." You assure him and your hands cup your breasts, playing with your nipples.

"That's it, honey, play with you, let me see you play with your tits." He asks you in a husky voice.

"N-Norman!" you whimper in frustration because suddenly his thrusts are slower.

"What if I didn't let you cum?" He speaks viciously, never taking his eyes off you.

"I'll kill you." You assure him and he chuckles, pausing momentarily, pulling his cock out. "Norman, I swear to God..."

Your threat comes to nothing as he thrusts hard inside you again, your back arches, a guttural moan comes from you, your eyes roll as your orgasm hits you hard, Norman continues to fuck you, feeling your body shudder, your spasms clenching his cock getting himself to cum, he grunts and huffs through his teeth giving a few last thrusts before stopping completely. He lies carefully on top of you, hands bearing his full weight, his face resting in the hollow of your neck. Your arms go around his shoulders, stroking his hair, you hear him purr and smile.

***********

It's been a couple of weeks since you arrived in Georgia, now the whole cast is there, ready to shoot again. You show up on the set to see all your co-stars, Andy and Melissa are the first to come up to you and give you a hug.

"Congratulations" They say at the same time and you laugh.

"You couldn't hold back." You joke and Norman looks at you apologetically.

"You know I can't hide anything from them." He defends himself, but you shake your head, you know how much Andrew and Melissa mean to him, so you have nothing to say.

"Alright guys, I'm glad you're all okay and we have some surprises." Greg wiggles his eyebrows and everyone congratulates you as you break the news. "As you may have seen we've modified the script a bit to introduce pregnancy into the story, plus we have some new people with us that I'd like you to meet." He keeps talking and one by one he introduces the people who will be joining us this season.

Momentarily you notice Norman tense up next to you. Greg finally introduces a tall woman with beautiful hair and striking eyes, she smiles politely and a little self-consciously, but soon spots Norman and her smile grows wider. Clearly they've known each other before.

"Norman!" She greets him and walks toward him to hug him. Norman blocks, but responds to her gesture nervously.

"H-hello, Liz." He whispers pulling away from her.

You know how to read his body perfectly after so long together. You know he's tense, nervous, whoever this woman is, he wasn't expecting her there. Instinctively you take his hand, squeezing it to encourage him, Norman looks at you thanking you for your hand. He smiles and you notice him relax a little.

"How do you two know each other?" You want to know, he tenses his gesture, and shakes his head.

"It's... We were together a while ago..." He looks at you and you nod, there's nothing special about it, you never thought you'd be Norman's first girlfriend, it was stupid to think that. But there's clearly something else.

"And who are you?" Liz asks you and you open your mouth to answer.

"She's my wife." Norman grabs you around the waist and your heart races. "And we're having a baby."

"Ah... congratulations, I guess." She looks at you in surprise, walking away down the set, leaving you alone.

"I'm sorry..." Norman apologizes. "It was a complicated relationship..."

"It's okay, Norman, you don't have to apologize." You smile kissing him. "We've all had a past and you don't have to explain yourself to me..." .... N-nor lie..."

"Of course I want to tell you, and... Did you say lie? I didn't lie to you."

"To Liz... you said I'm your wife..."

"So what, you don't want to be?" He looks at you worriedly and you laugh with a shrug.

"Way to propose." You scoff and he reddens a little.

"I admit I had it planned differently..."

"You had it planned?"

"A little, maybe..." He rubs the back of his neck, nervous.

You laugh again and kiss him, wrapping your arms around his neck. The conversation ends there, none of you press the issue, you focus on the job now that you're all there. The producers tell you how the new season is going to work, your pregnancy is the little that remains as a memory of Shane, the odyssey of the whole group looking for where they can take shelter until they find the prison. Liz's new character.

"Will she be Daryl's girlfriend?" Doubtful questions.

From the last chapters of the first season there was a slight interest from the hunter for your character, nothing exaggerated, but that became more and more evident as Shane was losing his mind, but now it seemed that they wanted to nip that in the bud and involve a third person. It didn't make sense to you.

"Relax, I'm not going to steal him from you." Liz jokes even though her voice doesn't sound kind.

"Liz..."

"Actually she'll be attracted to our good-hearted redneck, we'll be counting on a confused Daryl which I'm sure Norman will play to perfection."

"Sure thing, boss." He nods, fiddling with his script in his hands.

"Unfortunately Liz's character, she won't last long with us..." He looks at the woman apologetically and she laughs.

"We all know how this show works, it's okay, it'll be fun."

"And we'll get back to our little moments between Daryl and our pregnant girl."

Everyone seems to be okay with this, you now understand the situation a little better, but for some reason you're still not comfortable with it. You know you can't get jealous, it's stupid, it's more than obvious that Norman isn't comfortable around Liz, but... she was his girlfriend once upon a time, maybe there's still something between them that maybe....

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" you jump in your own skin when you hear Liz next to you.

"R-right... Is something wrong?"

"I know why Norman chose you..." She starts to speak and you suddenly feel your defenses rise, ready for whatever she has to say. "You're good for him, just look at him. You can tell he cares about you."

You look over at Norman, he's standing back, talking to the rest of your cast mates, but he's got his eye on you, worried about what Liz are talking to you about. You smile.

"Norman has his good and bad things, but he's loyal and he's never going to do anything to really hurt you." You smile Liz giving you a gentle tap on the shoulder. "He's very lucky to have you."

"No...I'm lucky to have him...thank you Liz." You smile gratefully and the woman walks away.

*************

You enter home after a long and hard day at work, neither of you say anything, during the way, Norman has felt you very pensive and that worries him, he has seen Liz talking to you and he doesn't know what she has been able to tell you. Your relationship didn't end badly, but there were some strains that weren't properly ironed out, Norman knows you know he's no saint, but he also doesn't want your head filled with misconceptions and he can't explain himself.

"Are you okay?" he jumps into his skin when he hears you. Your hands caress your belly and you have a tired grimace on your face. You nod and shrug.

"Yeah, I think, I don't know... Are you okay?"

"Tired and surprised, trying to take it all in, I guess." You smile again.

"Hey, if Liz has told you anything that might have upset you..."

"No, she just... wanted to talk to me." You explain. "I think she was worried about you, I guess."

"Worried about me?" a snort escapes him and he walks over to you, wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you very slowly, enjoying you. "I've never been better, and it's because I have you..."

"Norman..." You feel your eyes fill with tears, pregnancy is making you more emotional than usual.

"I'm serious, I've been happy, of course, I have a good life, but..." He smiles and touches your cheeks with his thumbs. "When I think about my future, you are in all my ideas and plans... you and our baby." He assures you and his hands move down to your bulging belly.

"You in mine too..." You whisper trying to hold back tears.

"I love you." He assures you and you feel something cold slip on your finger, you look down discovering a beautiful ring with simple details, Norman shows you that he wears on his middle finger, the same model, bigger. "It's a promise, okay? When we finish this season, when we have our baby with us..."

"Yes, Norman... yes, I do." You smile and hug him, kissing him again.

You both melt in an intense embrace, a kiss that lengthens, soft, charged with all the emotions and feelings that invade you.

All the love you both feel.

**********

I hope you liked it!!

See you in the next stories!!

[crying-fantasies]

What Am I To You?

Different kinds of love: JJBA edition.

Synopsis: How they saw you, did they love you? Did they only liked you as a friend? Did they at least noticed?

Warnings: Heart breakdown, Unrequited feelings, character´s death, spoilers

Jonathan Joestar

The one that held you dearly and loved but not in a romantic way

- Both born from noble families with business involved, both born with a golden spoon on the mouth.

- Jonathan was always the kind and golden star child that everyone knew that was going to have only happiness in his life, you were the crashed little girl with a pompous dress bigger than your body that maybe was going to be a beauty because you were little and for your lineage.

-Then you weren't as beautiful as other expected and Jonathan was what everyone expected.

- He was there for you when the other kids were cruel, he was there for you when your mother didn't show the same care and attention that she showed your sisters, all great beauties, or your father with your brother.

- He was there for you, low and below, in those tender and hard years of childhood.

- Jonathan was bounded to someone, you learned that from a book, for every prince there was a princess, he had a princess somewhere.

- So, with your 6 year old self, you wished him good luck with his love while your love and heart were buried underground by your own tiny hands to spare you a bigger pain in the future, just like the books said: princess were beautiful, gentle and sweet, you were nothing like that description.

- It did help when a certain blond girl appeared, Jonathan was in cloud nine after been with her only for a day, meanwhile you only cleaned the new revolver that you father gifted you the other day.

- And then there were some... strange events that you didn't even have the energy to try to give a proper reason, but in the bat of the eye Jonathan was already married and boarding a cruise to his honeymoon with his loved wife.

"I'm worried about you" he was always so concerned for you, from the moment you got your first gun to the moment you survived all the strange events.

"You are only gone for a few weeks, I will survive" you never told him that you have been recently seen a man, the son of a business partner of your father on Norway, he was decent, he was kind and funny to be with, sometimes kind of strange when he was talking to a wall with that curious red book on his hands.

- You wanted to invite him to your wedding, be the best man of your groom if possible, because he wasn't a social person but you knew that they would get along.

- You were the first one to be there to welcome Erina when she finally arrived to the port, a baby in her arms and another on her womb.

- You promised to Jonathan's empty coffin that you and your husband would help her to overcome all.

Joseph Joestar

The one that was too late to notice

- You didn't have much options to be honest, Joseph was always on the top of the world and he used it to his benefit in some occasions.

- You were born the same year in the same household, both of your grannies best friends, the Joestar household was warm, something interesting to do at any time because 1) Joseph always had this strange never ending energy inside of him and he always put the both of you on trouble, 2) you always had the red magical book of your grandfather, sometimes he would lend it to you or it would appear on your hands from thin air when you wanted it, 3) your big imaginary friend was always there for you doing metal trinkets.

"You are seriously a weird one" Joseph was such a pest sometimes, specially when he caught you with some strange little metallic thing on hands and saying thank you to the nothing.

"Says the guy who uses some kind of weird magic to open a soda"

"Ripple, it's called ripple!" How strange that such a name was on your grandfather's book, with something related to the sun and other things that you didn't understand.

- One thing lead to other, before you noticed you and Joseph were in Italy and you saw the handsomest man that you have ever seen.

"He is hot" it was a mere whisper, but Joseph heard it, he thought that you were talking about him and his new outfit, he did a weird pose in order to still had your attention, but he noticed that your eyes weren't on him.

- You were seeing that Italian bubble guy bastard jerk of Caesar.

"You are a crazy woman with bad taste!" He was so loud, you turned red in a moment, even more when the blond guy looked at the both of you.

- Joseph wasn't aware of his feelings for you, Erina was exasperated by this, "I will never have great-grandkids at this rate", she would feel her blood pressure worsening when she noticed her grandson flirting with other girls when he literally had you at his right reading that red book.

- Joseph didn't take it well.

- When he was finally aware that maybe you were kind of attractive you were seeing another person, it was one of Caesar's friends, before you even noticed you both were on each other hands, hearts and mind.

- If Caesar was a womanizer, this guy was worse, why did you have such a terrible taste on men?

"Caesarino, you...!"

"JoJo, stop doing a fuss, it's normal for mature people to fall in love"

- Caesar smiled at him, showing proudly at you and the other guy in a little trattoria near the port, kissing, Joseph shouted bloody murder the entire way back to the island, Lisa Lisa throw them both to the pit.

"This is all your fault!"

"Promise me that the both of you will take care of each other"

- You were in some kind of honeymoon phase, Joseph was disgusted and didn't even try to hide it, not even the disgusted expression on his face everytime that he saw the young man that was constantly trying to make you fall deeper on his hold.

"I don't like that guy"

"Joseph, the one that needs to like him is me"

- He would accept it, you were sure, he just needed some time.

"Don't worry, I assure you that JoJo will be fine, idiots don't die easily"

"Caesar, you...!"

- It broke your heart when Joseph appeared later with that singular headband on hand.

-Joseph was there for you when you started to cry due to your broken heart.

-Then you also lost Joseph, who was always there for you from the very first moment of your life.

- Your grandparents, granny Erina, Smokey, Messina and Lisa Lisa were there for you when you were alone, heart broken and pregnant, with a child whose father was simply missing.

- And then Joseph appeared out of nowhere, shouting at Suzi, his wife, and then at you.

"How come that you are pregnant?!"

"How come that you didn't contact anyone?, more importantly, how come I wasn't a maid of honor?!"

- Joseph helped you with your kid, and he also helped when your first grandchild started to use that same strange Hamon thing that he and Caesar did, could it be associated to the fact that your child married someone of the Zeppeli family?

- He was so confident that your son, from another marriage, would marry Holy when they were older.

- He shouted bloody murder when Holy appeared with her japanese boyfriend, a ring on her finger, while your son with his own special other gave the news that they were expecting a baby.

- Your grandma once told you that Joseph would pay some kind of karma in the future and Granny Erina nodded besides her in agreement while drinking angrily her tea.

- He helped to raise your kids and all your grandchildren.

"Granny Erina once told me that your Grandma helped us a lot, it's no problem"

- He was there for your grandchildren, maybe because his own was too far away back in Japan, spoiling your grandkids rotten instead.

- And, years later, when he and Suzi had a trip to Egypt, Avdol was introduced in your life.

"I can see that you have a great spirit Madame" not knowing of what was he talking about you only nodded, before seeing some kind of fire dinosaur man standing behind the young man.

- Joseph didn't understand shit.

- And then he did when out of nowhere he got one and could finally see your so famous 'imaginary friend', your monster looking imaginary friend with all it's twisted fangs and metallic like skin glory.

"OH MY GOOOOD-" anyway, he stopped calling you crazy altogether.

- Then, without many notice he took one of your grandkids and got to Japan, when you finally noticed what was happening you were already with Suzi and Holy waiting for them, you almost killed him again when you saw your grandkid with so many healing scars and other open wounds, possibly a psychological trauma!

- Years passed, and before you knew you were already in your moment.

- Joseph was there for you, that brat that put you in so many troubles that almost got you killed, he was there since your first moment when your grannies put the two together in the same crib and now he was there for you, holding your hand firmly when you left the world of the living.

- Even without you there, Joseph was still looking after your family.

- He was so sure that you would have loved Josuke and Shizuka, but you would also try to kill him again because of him being involved in an affair.

"You know? You look so much like your grandparent, it's cute" he acted senile in front of the youngest of your grandkids and they always bought his act, or maybe he wasn't acting?

- Sometimes he could be day dreaming about your youngest grandkid getting married to his son Josuke.

Jotaro Kujo

The one that choose to try for a normal life over you but failed

- You only knew that grandpa Joseph had a grandson.

"He must be around your age" he would say while helping you with your Hamon, you were nowhere near him or his ability, but a little ripple was better than nothing.

- Meeting Jotaro, such a guy with an aura that screamed cool to even you would recognize at the second, was life changing.

- Seeing his Stand almost made you faint.

- When you were a kid only your grandma believed you when you told her about the strange ghost that was near you, after meeting Avdol you understood that said ghost was a part of you.

- Jotaro was so strong in more than one way.

- Even when everything was in the worst state possible Jotaro would be the MVP of you all, he almost didn't make it many times, but he was proudly standing at the end of the day.

"Now I can say that I know you since we were kids" both of you and Polnaref were kids a few minutes ago due to another Stand user, Jotaro only said his usual line before leaving you alone.

- Jotaro was always so cool that you almost forgot that he was human, someone that had flaws, you saw him as someone perfect.

- But no one was perfect, you weren't perfect, you were late and you were weak, and who were dear to you were already gone when you only caught your breath.

- The nightmare that Dio was in your book felt short to the real deal.

- You returned home, wounded physically and emotionally, but to the warm arms of your family were there for you.

- You and Jotaro were closed to others most of the time after that, but it could be said that you were closed together.

- Grandpa Joseph was happy when you told him that you liked Jotaro.

- You tried to make him fall in love with you, it worked, just to some extent, sometimes the both of you would go out on dates, or you felt them as dates, you would talk and laugh, he would listen to you and smile in rare occasions.

- Two Stand users in the same place always lead to trouble, not even once your dates were spared by others, Jotaro was still strong, he was invincible.

- He looked troubled when you used your stand, so you stopped using it.

- Then Jotaro got his things and got himself on college, he was in his own world while you always tried to be in contact.

- Jotaro told you that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet, so he left you in the nothing, trying to ask him what you did wrong, what you could do to improve, but he didn't say another word to you for almost a year.

- What you got after that year of radio silence was the news that he was already with another girl, they were getting married and she was already pregnant.

- The picture that you had of the perfect Jotaro of your teenage years was crushed to pieces.

- You didn't attend his wedding, only a few people were invited and you weren't among them, you tried to put distance.

- Your little sibling wasn't aware of that and was still attached to the idea of the perfect Jotaro that you put in their mind, about how incredible the Joestar family was, they didn't know a thing so you couldn't be angry at them.

- Surprisingly Jotaro was good to them, but you were worried that he spent more time with your sibling than with his own new family.

- You needed to interrupt in Morioh when Grandpa Joseph called you, already a police officer, to help his grandson and son, it was still complicated, to caught a serial killer.

- It was so silent when the both of you were on the same room alone.

"It's good to see you" he was the first one to talk, quite the shock to be honest.

"I guess" it was so strange to talk to him again.

- it wasn't so bad at the end of the day, Josuke was a great and sweet boy, you were trying to adapt to the little town, before you knew it a position in the police department of Morioh was open to you.

- You decided to stay there.

- Jotaro looked at you as if you grew another head when you told him that you weren't returning with them, chosing to stay in Morioh and live there.

- There were good and strange things, worthy enough to be around a little longer.

"Why are you shoplifting if you are a recognized mangaka?"

"Because the experience is what I need!"

- There was interesting and crazy people around that you liked and wanted to know better.

"Are you sure that you want to stay here?" In the past those eyes made you weak on the legs, now they made you the strongest to stand by yourself.

"I'm sure" Jotaro didn't say anything back, he just smiled before saying his usual line.

- It was the first time in years that the both of you smiled at each other.

- It wasn't fair, but when your son was old enough Jotaro re appeared yet again at the door of your house, saying that it was better if he trained your kid with his Stand, you wanted to ask him what in hell he was doing in Morioh when his daughter just got out of the correctional.

- It wasn't fair, but neither you or Rohan could do something with your kid's Stand, so Jotaro took Rei with him to the Speed Wagon Foundation.

- You didn't knew many things from him since then, only your son returning home from time to time and telling you that Jotaro said "hi".

Josuke Higashikata

The one that didn't notice before it was shoved right at his face

- You arrived to Morioh with your backpack full to the brim, your red book on hand and a first aid kit on the other.

- Jotaro looked at you before saying his usual phrase, you packed everything that you could get your hands on, like you were going to the war, and maybe you were, that being one of the reasons that Jotaro didn't liked the idea of bringing you with him.

"Don't you worry, Mister Jotaro, I'm ready"

- You read about every adventure of the Joestar family in your red book, which everyone knew at that point that was a Stand, such heroic acts that filled your mind as a child, dreaming for the day that you would live the same some day.

- Learning that there was no Joestar of your age that would give you adventures like your grandparent and elder sibling almost killed you when you were a kid, but out of nothing, and some sensible topic that the adults didn't let you heard, now there was one.

- A boy of your age, being tall as far as you knew was obviously a trait of the Joestar family.

- When you met Josuke you expected some kind of incredible explosion on the background, but there he was, after Jotaro said that it was okay to finally meet each other, trying to accommodate his strange hair style before saying hello.

"Good afternoon, my name is Higashikata Josuke, it's a pleasure"

- By the way that he said it you thought that his first name was Higashikata and Josuke his last name.

- The cultural shock is real.

- Josuke was way too normal for a Joestar, every move from him made you consult your book to see if this was something that a Joestar could do or like.

- Another point of importance, at least for you, was the fact that Josuke apparently wasn't aware of what having Joestar's blood on his veins meant at all.

"That water is muddy, you don't know what is in there!" He tried to stop you, but you simply got along and followed Mister Jotaro by the muddy path without thinking twice, Josuke was on the verge of a mental break down.

- You almost knocked Crazy Diamond out with your Stand when Josuke said, jokingly, that he didn't believe what your red book said because it talked about vampires.

- Okuyasu would talk constantly about you and Josuke, not exactly to put you in an embarrassing position but being near to Koichi and with his girlfriend possibly around every corner in the street made you sweat quite a lot.

"I feel killing intentions near me..."

"Oh, I will bring Josuke right away!"

- Things got pretty weird before you even noticed, and you finally got your so awaited adventure, it was funny (not really), you were always on edge and finally the first lost almost got all your breath away.

- Jotaro was there to say some good things to you, or at least he tried.

- It was ironic that Josuke and his "normal" self were the ones that could give some kind of tranquility at the moment.

- Josuke was a good boy, he didn't deserve nothing of this, but yet again, he had the Joestar family blood on him and you started to see that as some kind of bad thing.

- You were able to finally be put on the red book when everything ended, the names of your friends were there, also the people that you lost, it wasn't good, it wasn't bad, but it was what it was and you couldn't change it.

"You know, Josuke should take you to eat something good one of these days before we go back home"

"Shut up, you old man!"

- And then you had that problem.

"I swear, back in my days a true man would take the person they liked to at least drink a tea or to the cinema, Josuke, being young isn't eternal, before you know it they are going to be married off to someone else!"

"Like I said, shut up!"

"I want to see my grandkids at least before I die!"

- Apparently Grandpa Joseph finally lost his last sanity, and there was also...

"What? Your older sibling and Rohan?!"

"Don't tell Grandpa Joseph, he is going to have a stroke, he still wants to be matchmaker and get them married to Mister Jotaro even when he is already married"

"Jotaro-san is married?!"

"Yeah, with a little kid" You broke Josuke that day.

- At the end, you returned home with Grandpa Joseph, Mister Jotaro and baby Shizuka.

- No one knew that Josuke talked to you in private before returning.

"I know this place" he started to say while you were reading the red book on your hands, your gaze drifted to him, his ears tinted pink, he was looking everywhere except you with a hand on his neck like it wasn't a big deal, "It's a good one, it's Italian food, the real deal... I think?" he was already saying any word that passed his mind at that point, "You are part Italian, right? I've never eaten that before back there but I can say that the restaurant is good, but if you don't like it then-"

"I would love to" you weren't looking at him, glued to your book, but he smiled anyway.

- Josuke carried your survival backpack all the way.

- He didn't tell you that your eyes would be drained of any tears when you got a gulp of water.

- Both of you still had many adventures ahead.

Giorno Giovanna

For him, you are the love that got away

- You were muscle, you were no brain, you would punch him in the face.

- You didn't even knew that Giorno was a Joestar, you ended up on Italy after reading your red book, seeing different places that were depicted on those pages.

- It could be said that Giorno found you that day, when he was in the streets with some kind of strange lighter in hand.

- One thing lead to another, Giorno saw that you had a good Stand, he added you to his side because you would be of use at some point, you needed the money that he got to extend your trip.

- No one was warm to you or Giorno, at least you weren't associated with them so they didn't do shit to you, maybe it was related to the fact that your Stand almost killed someone that tried to grab your body in the streets, Golden Experience was also at the call but your stand was faster.

- Giorno was feeling funny when he saw the man imploring mercy already on the floor and you with your angry face that didn't even change.

- Narancia was the only one that didn't realize that Giorno was quite literally blooming flowers around him when you were beating the shit out of someone, it was quite the contrast to see Giorno there with so many flowers and then be colored by the blood of your victims.

- But Giorno decided that it wasn't the moment, everything had a time, so when the time comes he would ask you out directly.

- You were merciless, so when you put two plus two you were nothing but direct.

"One day I will meet someone, we will live incredible adventures"

"That sounds promising" He wasn't sure if you were referring to some kind of destined pair, because you didn't look as someone that believed in those old stories, so he just thought that you believed in some kind of love, he could be that person with a little more of work.

- You thought that he and Mista had something when you and Narancia saw them in quite a loud intercourse.

- Mista denied it to death when you asked, Giorno flushed and looked at you like a lady being questioned by her lover.

"Were you mad?" He was doing a pose that had his hand covering his mouth and his pink cheeks, looking at you like he was expecting something.

"I'm getting mad right now because you are so cringe!" And the expectations in his eyes dried.

- Most of the guys were at the limit with Giorno trying to be suave around you, Bruno believed that it was cute being so young again but with the things that Giorno was already involved he knew that this wouldn't last.

- He was right.

- You finally got something, your book finally showed you information that would help.

- At some point you crossed paths with someone that was noted as "Trish's father, DopiolovaiD, passed by your side" it was strange, but it was something, it was important!

- Before you noticed someone was behind your back, but you could see Narancia's stand near, you put your red book on it and it flew away.

- You were muscle, you were strong, they needed time, you would give them so much time as far as you could.

- The book arrived safely, but it didn't last long.

- You died that day, the red book gone from Giorno's hands and turning to ashes, that was the moment that Giorno knew that you were most likely dead already and he couldn't do anything to stop it or reverse it.

- From then on, Giorno got what he wanted but also lost too much, he did everything he could, he contacted your family and gave the news.

- Giorno loved you dearly, he still does, it pains him greatly, his heart got broken and his clothes reflected his mourning, because he now was on the top, he couldn't let his enemies see that he was still an "emotional kid" that couldn't let go of the dead.

[justageneralsimpindeed]

Choke me as if you hate me:Chapter 2

Cw: Hisoka imaginary smut, switch Hisoka, mommy kink, more PTSD, mentions of rape and incest, mental illness such as possible schizophrenia depression or BPD.

Fresh sprinkles of morning drizzle trickled down your face. It wasn't hefty but it was surely not going to stay like that for long, remembering your fortune. You debated on whether or not you should plummet back into your siesta or get up and evade the oncoming meteors of H2O. Abuela had made sure to bore into your head that the hunter exams were no mockery the morning you set off on your journey, the morning before and the morning before that and so on. But her voice was drowned out.

YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY'S WATCHING YOU.

WHY?

Shudders scurried up your spine as you wish to open your eyes but you can't. At that moment, you were a child abiding by the unconscious regulations when it comes to lights out:If you can't see it, it can't see you. Your skin crawled as a clawed digit traced its way from your cheek to underneath your jaw. You were scared but confirmed something as another talon on its other hand trailed your thigh and a hard object grew at the back of your head.

"This creature is so true I can already savour the reality I'm beating his ass"

With the split of your lids, you cared not who you touched or what touched you, your balled fist granulated its jaw, the bone seemingly softening from your bitterness. A boisterous but timely grunt was listened to, and before you could actually understand what came about, Hisoka was on the floor one arm keeping him up and the other holding his jaw.

He's glaring so intently at you, you're convinced it's hostility.

It's not.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 《 》˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥

Subsequently noticing that you had 'uppercut from hell' Hisoka in the face and busted his lip, Gittarakur explained how you dozed off while playing cards with Hisoka and Hisoka the kind soul that he is let you use his lap as a cushion. You noted how he had never made eye contact the entire moment with you but instead with Hisoka. His mood indicated nausea you would never know about but it didn't matter because AFTER SO LONG YOU FINALLY HAVE REACHED YOUR DESTINATION.

Hisoka snatched you back as you were ready to dive into the ocean and paddle your way to shore if the boat didn't hurry up. How did he run into someone like you, such a kind, pure and yet opposingly chaotic girl. His bulge was now straining and stifling itself against his pants. After you had punched him, he capsized into an orgasm and your abrupt hurried, determined nature only spurred him on for a second time. You truly were remarkable to him. It was clear Gittarakur didn't pay much mind to you, but he knew for a fact you were too dumb to realise Hisoka's behaviour.

His hand fastened around your wrist the minute you were in distance to be tossed over. He had very much battled the seduction of just hurling you in the ocean but he didn't truly want that. He never did if he were to think. Your aura is the only reason why both of these men are known to you. Hisoka wanted to break you but it seems he'd rather hunger for you now. But, Gittarakur is much more sophisticated. He finds your upbeat and partially happy character bothersome. However, he comes to realise how quickly you altered Hisoka, yes he still has a high libido, but he wants to sleep with you and it's continued to the degree that Gittarakur wonders if he wants to fuck an infant into you and finalize.

The impression fends off Gittarakur. He won't allow you to do the same thing you did to Hisoka. He won't perish to your spell. He won't fall for you. He won't become weak.

Your ass is certainly blackened as Gittarakur did not lack distance or height and he must have heaved you 10 feet both ways. You struggle to stand as the rest of the passengers onboard make their way off, some occasionally hurrying to the side for one last visual declaration of how bad their ride was."Too bad they can't 1 star on yelp"You thought rubbing your coccyx, Hisoka scrambling to your side.

"Did it hurt that bad?"Hisoka rushed breathless."Nah, Abuela does worse."You reply throwing him the heart-melting smile that he gets so hard at. His erection will eradicate him if this persists. Gittarakur noticing this jerks you away from him and grumbles "Go sort yourself out" before he drags you god knows how far. Hisoka takes this as an opportunity to kiss your hand adieu for now before Gittarakur drags you away from him. The rosiness of your face, once he did that, has him scampering into the closest bistro restroom, into the closest booth already with his pants down, pumping away at his cock.

You leave with Gittarakur confused as hell and Gittarakur as attentive as he is, says "Hisoka needed some time alone, he felt a little queasy but was more worried about you."You wanted to blush and think it was cute but you can pick up on bullshit every so often, even though you are naive as fuck.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Hisoka's alone time ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Nobody was there; not because there was no one there, to begin with, but the fact Hisoka didn't wait to enter the stall before he had slid his pants down enough for his suffering cock to be revealed. It was lengthy and thick, his nearly blushing tip dripping misty-coloured drops of precum. His long, but thick finger smothered his hard-on before running to the base and back again. A loud, anguished and oddly high-pitched whimper left his pale lips as his efforts of self-relief evolve more untamed and hostile. He yearns for you here, not with Gittarakur, not with that assassin. His hips thrust into his hand as he cums. But it isn't satisfactory. You bent over underneath him, hands thrashing all over his back as your grasp diminishes with every thrust of his hips and yet you plead for more. His hand reaches to your ass, raising you and shoving you against the stall door. Your face is mutilated in pleasure. Your flawless skin is burned scarlet, your huge, gorgeous eyes are tearful and crossed over, and your mouth is agape with your lips swollen from the bruising kisses from earlier on he so wished to deliver you. His other hand extends to your swelled and delicate breast, clamping down on it harsh before tracing the perk nipple with the pointed nail of his thumb. His thrusts pick up as your wet, velvety walls clamp around him, every part of you stuck in between trembling and bouncing. He wants to kiss you but can't.

A hand knits its fingers into his fuchsia hair, heaving him back away from you. He doesn't need to look at who it is, the strength of your punch from earlier makes the abrupt tug familiar. His fingers run to the hem of his pants, disposing of them until required, before attending to Hisoka's rim. He consumes no time slipping his fingers into his ass and moaning out your name while he jerks off. However, too delusional to think he's sandwiched between a sub-you and a dom-you; the sub-you is begging for him, clenching around him so much his cock he feels like he almost can't cum, dom-you is grabbing at his hair humiliating him, using your saliva as lube in the midst of rearranging him.

His hips are pulled back to meet your silicon cock and yet he is pulled towards the stall door by your powerful thighs. Tears have fallen, the neediness, the overstimulation, he has issues he acknowledges it; he's been like this for over ten years and you are halfway through deteriorating it away, in less than 2 days. His hip stutters as he empties his cum into your womb and yet the other you behind him won't let him go before he comes entirely because of your silicon cock.

"You like that, big boy? You like mommy's cock doing you from the inside and turning you into an unfortunate slut? Come on tell me how much of a slut you are. Tell me how you can't survive without mommy's cock,"

An additional string of sobs is ripped from his throat as he succumbs to a new level of pleasure, the pleasure of being dominated.

" Please mommy, I need you! more, please!" he cries as his dick (now turning sore) goes erect again, he moves the hand now sticky from his hot, thick cum to act as a much bigger dildo you have in his ass.

He's at your mercy. But this is his doing.

He is the one to blame.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 《 》˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥

You and Gittarakur continue to hike to wherever your meant to go but only he knows because he wasn't flung off the ship before he was notified. Your legs start charring, but you don't want to complain it never stopped you from making an excuse to stop." Gittarakur, what happens if Hisoka can't locate us?" you ask, trying not to show the weariness and overall giveaway your primary intention. Gittarakur doesn't stop he just goes on with casual spasms, holding up a walkie-talkie. But if anything he's sped up and he doesn't hesitate to hide it.

"I'm a calm person...BUT FOR DUCK's SAKE!" you think.

You recognize Gittarakur isn't all that fond of you, in fact, he probably doesn't even recall your name or that you exist. You know he's trying to lose you but because he flung you off the ship you know zero about your destination, he is the only one other than Hisoka that you know but Hisoka of someplace being 'sick' and you can't afford to tell Abuela that you didn't even make it to the hunter exams because you were lost.

Your limbs burn as you pick up the speed and all he does is do the same. You start uttering profanity under your breath, not recognizing that this is somewhat turning into an amusing game for Gittarakur. There are no people in the area other than you and Gittarakur, so he takes the opportunity to run at a pace you can watch him but can't take hold of him.

"Gittarakur why are your running?!"

But it's too late Gittarakur is already down a near alley onto another street and has disappeared off the face of the planet.

You now are alone in the alley and nightfall is coming quick. You don't understand where to go even if you did you would get misplaced. Your island is much smaller than this, so much the population isn't even 100. But you still remembered what happened after it was dark when everyone was sleeping. When you were all alone nobody remembered you. You plummet to your feet, your knees pushed up against your chest, despite the familiarity of the position . You don't want to remember what he did to you, how he touched you, how split you open; that's what you called it at the time.

It's not his fault though,right?

Do you not remember how he hurt us?

I know but daddy was just lonely.

If mama hadn't left he wouldn't use us.

WHO DO YOU THINK DROVE HER AWAY?

The sound of a nearby can being dropped and rolling your way frightened you, frightened you more than it should. Your life has been a black-and-white movie with the dialogue being almost completely drowned out by static and the voices. What you went through is traumatic, but you wonder why the voices are here. You hear them complain and bicker amongst themselves your own voice is completely drowned out even though it's your body. They bicker so often you don't even know what they bitch about anymore. They most complained about whose fault the incident is, yours, mama, daddy's, everybody you know, but they bitch tirelessly that for one you don't even completely remember what happened and two you still don't understand what happened with the little you remember. The whole fucking village knows about you, the daughter of the now banished butcher, who lost her innocence before three. They never educated you in school about sex because of what happened, they still probably wouldn't because you are the only one in the village who is younger than 47.

"How ya doin', dollface~"

Your eyes are large and exhausted, sparkling as you look up to see men.

Men who had the same look in their eyes as papa.