#i do tons of studies all the time but it's such a different experience. glad to finally be able to dust off those muscles!

[srapsodia]

studying studying 🧐

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters Read the Kaladin Chapters

As requested by anon. :)

I once did a post about Stormlight Archive characters reading the Stormlight Archive, which you can find here. This post is similar, except characters are only reading the Kaladin chapters.

(But if you're wondering WHERE Hesina & Lirin are, there're in the first post!)

[Stormlight Spoilers through Rhythm of War!]

1. Adolin

Adolin: So, uh, you and Shallan sure...had a time in those chasms, huh? Kaladin: W-We HAD to huddle together for warmth and stuff! Adolin: [eyes narrowing] Uh-huh. Kaladin: Are you mad? Adolin: Of course I'm mad! Adolin: We've been on TONS of adventures and you've NEVER cuddled ME for warmth! Kaladin: ... Kaladin: That's what you're mad about? Adolin: We are cuddling at the FIRST opportunity we get!

2. Shallan

Shallan: I know that you killed my brother. Shallan: But READING about you killing my brother... Shallan: That was a uniquely horrible experience. Kaladin: I-I had to though. He was killing everyone. Shallan (much too brightly): Oh I know! It's not like I haven't killed my own family members! Shallan: Just saying that if I could still successfully suppress memories, I'd be burying that one! [finger guns] Kaladin: ...This post is giving me whiplash.

3. Elhokar

Elhokar: Um, okay. Wow. Elhokar: So multiple of my guards--including Kaladin Stormin' Stormblessed--really did want to kill me! Elhokar: I was SUCH a bad king that even KALADIN STORMBLESSED wanted to kill me! Elhokar: I'd fall over dead if I hadn't already been MURDERED. Kaladin: I did save you, though. Kaladin: ...The first time, anyway. Kaladin: That has to count for something? Elhokar: Yes, and I was invested enough to see you completely lose it after my actual death so... Elhokar: Let bygones be bygones and all of that. Elhokar: But REALLY. Elhokar: So bad at kinging that even KALADIN STORMBLESSED was in the "kill him" party! Elhokar: Not good for my self-esteem, man. Elhokar: Not good.

4. Bridge 4

Teft: So, lad...that Honor Chasm scene, huh? Sigzil: We knew we were all miserable and angry; we did not know you came so close. Moash: Yeah, you idiot! That was the closest you ever came to dying--by your own hand! Probably the only way you COULD die! Lopen: And it would have meant you didn't meet me, the Lopen! That would have been a tragedy on top of a tragedy! Rock: And no stews either! Skar: What we're trying to say is that we're glad Syl stopped you. Drehy: Yeah. You saved all of us. Kaladin: Guys... Rlain: But also...maybe consider some of that therapy you invented. Lyn: Yeah, for real.

5. Thaidakar

Thaidakar: I should definitely recruit this guy for the Ghostbloods. Thaidakar: Always survives... Never gives up... Collects followers wherever he goes... Thaidakar: This guy could DOUBLE recruitment! Thaidakar: I just need a way to make the Ghostbloods seem honorable...

6. Taravangian

Taravangian: Wow, in a different life, you would have been in Kharbranth, studying medicine. Taravangian: Working at my hosptial. Taravangian: Where I killed people in the basement. Taravangian: ... Taravangian: Very glad that didn't happen.

7. Syl

Syl: I was there, of course. But getting to read it made my realize something... Syl: I literally saved you SO MANY times! Syl: Without me, you never would have made it! Syl: Like, repeatedly! Kaladin: It's true. I needed you. Syl: You may address me as "Syl, my lifesaving savior" forever now. Kaladin: I'm not doing that!

8. Dalinar

Dalinar: You never told me the full story. Kaladin: About what, sir? Dalinar: About how my sending Roshone to a "place where he couldn't do any harm" meant sending him to your actual hometown where he tormented your family and sent your brother to the army where he died. Kaladin: Seemed better not to bring it up. Dalinar: I wish that you had. Kaladin: ... Kaladin: I am surprised that this is your takeaway. Not the fact that I, you know, nearly killed your nephew... Dalinar: You did not kill him. You saved him. Dalinar: If we weighed your almost crimes against my actual crimes, there would be no comparison. I am not one to judge someone else's journey. Kaladin: ... Kaladin: This is where we're supposed to add in some humorous joke to end our dialogue, I think. Dalinar: I don't think that's going to happen. Kaladin: No, I guess not.

[thatdisasterauthor]

Hi! I read your wonderful blog post on your favorite part of disaster research, and the make a plan to learn what you'll need to know when something unplanned for happens part really resonated. Like, that's me! That's why I want to plan for everything! That's how my brain works, and I've never been able to find the words for it before.

I'm not planning with the expectation that things will go to plan, or the desire to cling to a plan, I'm planning with the expectation that things will not go to plan. We will all be blindsided by something, probably multiple somethings, probably at suboptimal times, and I want to know where my knowledge and preparation gaps are ahead of time, so that when that happens I'll be ready to go. And it's all playful and fictionalized and really very fun. Thanks for the words for it!

So uh, about that 2 year degree program. Do you have any posts with more about your experience with it? Or how it's been finding/choosing the phd program(s)?

Thank you! I'm glad you found the post helpful.

So, the two year program I'm in is the Wildland Fire Management program at Colorado Mesa University. It is wildland fire specific and aimed and training people to work in various capacities in wildland fire. Doesn't have to mean actual firefighting, though! There's lots of non-front line jobs in wildland fire.

In addition to this program, though, I also did the Emergency Management certificate the college offers. It's three courses, and I believe you can do it without doing a larger degree. All three courses are taught by Dr. Eliot Jennings, who was the emergency manager for Galveston, Texas. He's easily the best professor I've ever had.

The college also has two "Maverick Milestone" courses related to Emergency Management. Technically, these are for people pursuing four year degrees, but you can apply to take them even if you're not doing a four year degree, you just have to talk to Jennings. One course is "Disasters in Film" that studies disaster movies. The other is "Disaster Disciplines" which talks about how emergency management relates to other stuff like law, regular police, teaching, etc..

The PhD program I'm looking at is at a different college. There are actually only a small handful of Emergency Management specific(ish) PhDs in the U.S., so there's not a ton of choice. But I'm really excited about the one I'm applying to! I'll post more about it as things progress.

[necarion]

I'm looking forward to my choir's concert for the first time since I joined in 2022. (The time I sang Ein Deutsches Requiem or Beethoven's Ninth with different choirs don't count here - talking about my main chorus). As a result of choir politics, my choir ended up dropping our old director (finally...I could see our problems from my first rehearsal) and we've gotten a new temporary director, and she's wonderful. I've sung with her before this and she is the best director I've ever worked with. But I've worked with her as a member of a very good university choir.

What she's done with this choir (almost entirely existing members), is astounding. I'm listening to the recordings of our first dress rehearsal (of two), and we sounded better than at any of the 7 previous concert sets I've sung with the group (for a total of 21 individual concerts).

I always thought we were performing well under potential through a combination of bad directing and being totally under-prepared; we'd go into the second concert at a level I'd normally want the week before dress rehearsal. (Note: we were very much not rehearsing at home. But when there's a systematic problem of people not rehearsing at home, it's up to the director to fix it).

I also knew that when we were properly warmed up we sounded and felt considerably better than normal. Old director would do about 5 minutes of warm-ups, of which none were any good and at least one was actually counter-productive. Except for the times we wouldn't warm up before a concert at all. (Our best concert before this was the one in which he was super late for traffic reasons so I gave everyone a 15 minute warm-up, about 70% of which was exercises from my old / our new director). In my experience "we'll warm up on music" has never paid off. The choir ends up blowing out their voice and then we have to spend all that time on intonation issues.

Our old director also never had a lesson plan so we never knew what we'd need to rehearse on any given week, and we'd end up wasting tons of rehearsal time on unnecessary stuff. New director will sometimes go "okay, this isn't working. Go home and learn this and we'll do more next week" rather than trying to plunk out notes. And you know what...we do. Somehow, she manages to have a 20 minute warm-up / vocal clinic each rehearsal, and we still get more done in one rehearsal than in any two before.

So, yes, I knew that if we rehearsed enough and had someone who really cared enough to help us work on intonation and technique, and who could inspire us to actually study our music at home, we could be a lot better.

And still, I'm surprised by how much better we've gotten, in exactly 7 rehearsals.

I'm so glad we finally got a new director.

[natasha-in-space]

would it be alright to request the rfa + saeran with an MC who’s in school to be a veterinary neurologist? basically brain surgeon but for animals^^ tysm!

Yoosung

I think Yoosung will be pleasantly surprised and very inspired by you. He's in college studying veterinary medicine himself, but, at the point of you joining the RFA, he lost the previous fire he held for his degree. Of course, his issues lie way deeper than simply finding his degree uninteresting or useless, but the point still stands: he feels rather apathetic towards his studies. He feels like nothing he's doing in his university makes any difference, and his expectations for his future are bleak, to say the least. So, to learn that you are studying in the same field as him, all while maintaining the goal you are working towards... it's somewhat inspiring to him. But, there might be some insecurity mixed in there as well. He can't help but compare himself to you - a trait he is, unfortunately, very guilty of - and that never ends well for him. It makes him feel somewhat inadequate to realize that he just doesn't share the same drive and passion you seem to possess for your goal. Of course, he only sees the best parts of your experience, overlooking all the struggles and tribulations you have to deal with on a daily basis as well. But, as you two grow closer, you help him realize that his main problem is not as surface level as he thinks. You motivate him to treat himself kinder, with more genuine care to his needs. And, with time, he will find his drive again. You two will definitely have a ton of study dates together. Who knows, maybe you'll end up even working at the same vet clinic? That wouldn't be out of the question for you guys. It's nice to have someone who understands what you're daily life is like, and you can babble to him all about your study life, without having to go into too much detail. It's like you're a team of two. Needless to say, I think this will make you grow even closer to one another in the long run.

Zen

Zen would be very impressed. Having never attended college after running away from home, he has a great deal of admiration for those who are willing to put in the time and effort required to obtain a degree. And, studying to become a veterinary neurologist? That sounds like it takes a whole lot of work! He will immediately feel a good deal of respect towards you once he learns this. He doesn't know much about animals, nor did he ever own a pet of his own (since he spends most of his time at work, and his finances are not as stable as he'd like them to be), but he knows how precious pets can be to people. There is no suspicion in his heart since the first moment you joined the RFA, but even the tiniest bit of it goes out the window with this new fact he learns. Someone who works so hard for such a noble cause cannot be a bad person in his eyes. I think Zen's support will be mostly noticeable on the emotional side of things. He can't understand a word you're speaking most of the time you're sharing some story from your studies, but he does ask you about your day regardless. If you're feeling stressed out or overworked, he's there in a flash. You don't have to worry about a thing when the time comes to study for your exams: he makes sure you're taking breaks, eat tasty and nutritious food, and he keeps your place all neat and clean for you. And, if you're feeling anxious or unsure of yourself? Well, I'm glad to tell you that Zen is the best cheerleader you can get. He's able to put a smile on your face and lift your worries every time you're feeling down. Probably because he knows what's it like to doubt your own abilities, and he knows what you'd like to hear in that moment of vulnerability. Just like he promised you, you two will support one another on your own individual paths in life, giving each other strength when it's needed. And, you bet he'll throw the biggest celebration once you finally graduate. The guy will probably be even more excited for you than you are. He's kind of like a golden retriever in that way. 

Jaehee

I don't think she would have much of a reaction initially. It's just yet another piece of information she'll write down about you, as you slowly start getting to know one another. Jaehee's worldview was heavily influenced by her highly unsupportive environment, and she projects that worldview onto everyone else, unless she is explicitly proven wrong. She went to university and got a job because that's what was expected of her, and because that was the only way she wouldn't get looked down upon by her environment. And, she excelled at both of those things, but, at the end of the day, she holds no spiritual nor emotional attachment to her current job or her time studying. I think she'll be a bit taken aback once she sees that you are genuinely passionate about what you are pursuing. What differentiates her from Yoosung, who feels very insecure about his uncertain future, is that Jaehee has long since accepted that this is all that her life is ever going to be. At least, she thinks she did. She'll be a bit envious of your drive, sure, but there are no comparisons or depressing thoughts in her mind. She'll just conclude that you are different from her, that is all. Now, as your bond grows stronger over time, and you help her find that self-love she was lacking all these past years, things will change. Jaehee finds the inner courage to believe in herself and her dreams, despite what everyone around her may think. She is no longer afraid of being perceived in a negative light. And, with that new fire in her eyes, your passion now starts actively motivating her. It's kind of sweet, really. While your tireless work encourages Jaehee to fight for her dream, Jaehee's newfound boldness in what she does inspires you to do the same. It's like you two are each other's source of motivation when things get tough. While you may not end up working side by side, Jaehee will always make sure to treat you to the best coffee and snacks she can find. Her cafe is a perfect place for you to study in peace, with occasional kisses on the cheek as a bonus.

Jumin

Jumin will be impressed. We all know how much genuine love and care he possesses for animals, so, needless to say, he holds a lot of respect for those who dedicate their livelihoods to making sure that no animal has to live in pain. I actually think this will make him come to trust you a little bit quicker! This man has a major soft spot for animals, and he even explicitly states that he believes that a person who loves animals cannot be bad. Especially cats. Overall, this wouldn't affect your relationship with him much, but he will be interested in learning more about your studies in detail. I won't be surprised if he's fairly knowledgeable in a lot of things concerning animal health, so you might gain a new companion to discuss these niche things with. Jumin is no stranger to most of the terminology you use, so you don't have to feel awkward about explaining every other word that slips out of you without thinking. And, what he doesn't know, he's more than willing to learn. I think talking with you about these things will make him come to respect you even more. You are clearly passionate about your goal, and he cannot overlook that. When it comes to the already established relationship with him, I'd say he's the proudest partner you can find. Will definitely talk his father's ears off about how lovely he thinks you are, and how hard you're working to reach your goal, and how admirable that is. Reporters will get the same treatment. Jumin Han is in love, and he is not ashamed of showing it on full display.

Saeyoung

I don't think he'll have much of a reaction at first. He already knows what you are studying before you have a chance to say it yourself, but, at the beginning, it's just another fact he'll record about you, same as with Jaehee. It's not until you start expressing your personal feelings towards your studies that he first gets intrigued and wants to know more. He'll probably joke around and make some silly memes at the start, as he's fully in his 707 persona at the time. Will probably joke about you being a good example for Yoosung to follow, as he has lost all his motivation for his studies. He'll also pretend to be a sick kitty you have to cure, either on a call with you or in the chat. You know, your usual Seven shenanigans. Now, as you two grow closer, he will form a genuine appreciation and admiration towards you. He already views you as a very good person, so you studying to help animals and owners in need is just another testament to that in his point of view. You are way better than him. Your hands are meant to heal and help, while his are caked in blood and sin. These thoughts keep buzzing at the back of his mind, even as he finds himself grinning widely at you celebrating passing another test in the chatroom. He is genuinely so proud of you and all you do. But, as much as his foolish heart wishes he could be there to celebrate with you in person, he's content to remain in the shadows, where he rightfully belongs. This is something that will add to the conflict you'll have to face in the apartment. But, once that is all behind you, Saeyoung will be your biggest supporter. He gives you a ride to university, always asks about your day, prepares silly little sticky notes to encourage you through your study sessions - he does it all. Meowy will also become your study buddy, as he will program it accordingly to help you out with your work. While he used to admire you afar, now he has nothing to hide. So, be prepared to be doted on and happily twirled around after coming home from your exams.

Saeran

Saeran has... a very complicated relationship with anything that has to do with medicine. There are many seemingly obvious things that he doesn't know about, and what he does know is often downright wrong or frightening to him. He grew up without any proper healthcare, and Rika has often used hospitals as a scare tactic to him: a place where you get locked up and treated against your will. So, as Ray, he learns so much new information through his research on you. While you are not studying to become a doctor, you are still planning to tie your life to medicine and helping those in need. I think that's what he will focus on mostly. He doesn't understand a lot of things, but he does understand that you have a compassionate heart and a strong spirit. How could he not fall for you? And, as Suit Saeran, he will mock your pursuit in life instead. It won't be that effective, as, yet again, it'll be very painfully obvious that his knowledge of the topic is very limited. But, he will try to spin it in a way that would make you feel bad about yourself. Of course, he will apologize to you and take accountability for his wrongdoings, as he realizes that, in reality, you were always so much brighter and better than him. All Saeran had on his mind was hate and a desire to hurt those beneath him so that nobody could dare lay a hand on him again, while you've put so much effort into becoming someone who will help those who can't help themselves. As GE Saeran, he is the most loving and gentle supporter you can get. Saeran is a pretty clingy partner, but not in a suffocating way, as it could become with Ray. He just wants to be around you, kind of like an affectionate cat. So, while he won't bother you during your study sessions, he will still sit close to you, touching you in one way or another. It could be just your arms touching, or him silently hugging you from behind. The only way this can become a problem for you is the overwhelming urge to cuddle with him instead of focusing on your studies, to which he will chuckle and sheepishly apologize. Saeran will also make sure you're not overworking yourself. He knows better than anyone what's it like to work yourself down to the bone, and he doesn't want that to ever happen to you. So, he'll bring you food, water, and remind you to rest your eyes every so often. Saeran's support is a comforting and quiet one. It makes you feel safe and unafraid of anything, as long as you know you'll have him waiting for you when you return back home.

[mistresslrigtar]

I’ve been trying to word this correctly all day but - I enjoyed I Belong to You a ton. I was a radio DJ in undergrad/grad school and even though it was half a million years ago, the whole thing was a perfect capture of that vibe.

Im curious - was the band based on an actual band? I know lyrically they leaned on a lot of Muse but I’m not familiar with the dynamics of its members.

Also- the spicy stuff was really, really well done and fantastic as first time smut writing. Was there anything you read to help inspire you style wise? I’m asking this from a technical aspect as good smut writing can be really tricky and I’m interested in the process from anyone who does it well.

(Like- my approach to smut is identical to how I approach combat- does this make sense without coming off weird?)

(And did I see there’s a sequel on the way???)

Tysm for the ask! So cool that you were a DJ!

First of all - yay! I was really hoping to capture the college vibe of the late 90s. It’s loosely based on my own experiences in grad school (I studied opera/music theater performance), so I’m glad that came through in the writing. ☺️

The band started as a ‘what if’ there was a band with Ganon on keyboards (a la OOT), Link guitar, Daruk drums, and Revali the lead singer. I didn’t have a plot. It was supposed to be a one-shot where Link and Zelda hook up. But I brainstormed while on vacation, listened to hours of different alt rock bands (at first I thought I’d use Radiohead) on the road trip and discovered Muse. I wasn’t familiar with their music until last summer, but nearly every song I heard sounded zelink coded so, there you go. Muse became Hyrule Warriors.

As for the smutty parts, (tysm for the compliment 🫣) I approached those scenes similar to what you said you do - they’re choreographed just like a fight scene. I start with A and map out how I want to get to B. Then I fill in the rest - thoughts, feelings, sights, sounds, tastes, etc. I also write my dialogue first for any scene throughout my stories. It helps me stay on track, and I really like writing conversations. I think sprinkling it in, even during a sex scene is important, because it’s natural if you’re comfortable with your partner. Obviously, I’ve read quite a bit of smut, too and I also researched and read a few articles on how to make it believable and titillating. After all, that’s the goal, right? 😳

I’m working on the sequel as we speak, and have three chapters roughly written! It’s tentatively called Love is Forever (cheesy, I know) and the soundtrack will be a mix of Muse and Radiohead songs this time around. I have a snippet scheduled to post this Wednesday for WIP Wednesday 😉

For anyone who’s interested here’s a link to I Belong to You.

[austin-in-taiwan]

August 7 - Tainan - > Taipei (Final Day) - Tea House, Final Dinner

Today was our last day in Taiwan before departing for home. We met at 9:30 AM on the bus to make our way back to Taipei. Since we had already used our high-speed rail tickets after the Typhoon, we took the 5-hour bus ride back up the west coast of Taiwan. Halfway, we stopped at a rest area to get lunch. Jacob, Eli, Jack and I had MOS Burger (a Japanese burger chain restaurant), and I got the rice bun chicken sandwich, which was okay. 

When we arrived in Taipei, we went to a tea house. The tea-making ceremony was interesting, as the servers had a meticulous process for serving the tea. The tea was bitter, and many people at my table didn't enjoy it much, but I didn't think it was too bad. I am not a tea drinker, so I have little experience with it. After the first batch made by the servers, we could brew the tea ourselves, so I enjoyed doing that a few times. 

After the tea house, we went to our final farewell dinner. It was an excellent local restaurant that served Taiwan cuisine. It was lazy Susan style, so we got to try many different dishes. I enjoyed my last Xiao long bao, shumai, and several other classic cuisines. We also gave Peter, our tour guide, a few gifts at dinner. We all signed his Florida Gators tour guide flag, signed a card, and made a collage of photos from the trip for him. Peter was a fantastic tour guide and an integral part of the amazing experience I had here in Taiwan, so I was super glad we could get him something nice before we left. Also, we signed a card for and took a picture with our bus driver, Terry!

Once we checked back into our hotel, a small group went out to get an extra bag for some of the souvenirs we bought. We took the metro for the last time to Ximen, where we had our first tour in Taiwan. I got a small duffel bag for cheap and filled it with tons of Chinese and Taiwanese snacks from a PX mart to bring home. I can't wait to have my family and friends at home try some exciting things I got to try while here.

Final Reflection

I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when initially coming to Taiwan. Now that the trip is over, I am so glad I decided to go on this study abroad trip. I loved everything we did. The culture in Taiwan is fascinating, and its history is unlike any country I've been to. In Taiwan, you can experience the history of cultures from its previous occupancy of Japan, China, or even old European inhabitants. I specifically enjoyed going through temples and learning about Buddhism, Confucianism, and other celebrated religions, which are rarely seen in the U.S. One of my favorite experiences was touring the monastery in Kaohsiung and eating a silent lunch with the Buddhist monks. 

One thing that was amazing about UF's Taiwan program is the freedom and free time that we get to do our exploration of Taiwan's culture and impact. I got to take time to explore my interests and then do independent research on that topic. My first project on Taiwanese technological innovation was one of my favorite days on the trip. I got to lock in on my specific interests related to my major and aspirations. I then wrote my second independent excursion to a baseball game I went to. Researching and writing about it taught me how important it is to Taiwan and its culture. The importance of baseball is something that I learned because of the independent assignment; otherwise, it would've gone unseen during my trip. Overall, I got so much out of having the freedom to do my own projects instead of being limited starkly to an itinerary.

One of my aspirations for the trip was to get more comfortable with my Chinese. I definitely did. I got to push my limits when ordering food, bartering, asking for directions, talking to locals, etc. One of the trip's highlights was talking to the taxi driver from the airport when I landed in Taiwan. Although I got more comfortable during this trip, I would like to be much more conversational next time I visit a Mandarin-speaking country.  Unfortunately, after this trip, I no longer have room in my schedule to take more classes, and I have finished my minor in Chinese. However, this trip has inspired me to find ways to continue practicing and getting better. I won't give up on my Chinese studies despite no longer taking classes. 

Overall, I recommend this trip to any UF student, whether you have taken Chinese or not. Plenty of students on this trip didn't know Chinese at all, and we all had a great time learning while also having lots of fun. I became friends with everyone on the trip. We all came from different circles and groups at UF but became close by the end. The itinerary was a perfect mix of structure, free time, education, and fun. Yeh Laoshi and our tour guide Peter were informative and made this trip one I will remember for the rest of my life.

[inkabelledesigns]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

(No pressure if you don't want to though!)

Star, thank you so much for sending me this! Delighted to be included and honored to be asked! While I don’t have a ton of fics out there (and some of my favorite parts of them aren’t even public yet) I think we can pick out five I really love. And I’ll encourage all of you to share works that you love from your own libraries! Please share, I wanna see what brings you joy!

Raindrops and References

If you thought I wasn’t gonna include this one, you had another thing coming Star. XD One, thank you for letting me explore your world through my own lens, and two, thank you for your kind words. I wrote this fic when I was just getting back into writing, and it was an early step in learning to write for my own enjoyment after having been expected to create for others for years. It was satisfying and fun for me, and I’m glad it’s been that for you and so many others as well. I still get emails of people leaving a Kudos on this from time to time, it’s wild. X’’’D Sometimes you give a gift and get an unexpected one in return. I’m still glad I wrote this, it made a positive difference.

Trapped in His Web

I don’t know if this one is still canon to Step Right Up, but regardless, I’m still honored to be a part of @bertrumstrousers wonderful circus world. Thanks for letting me write for Jacob and the make-up and costume department Giandark, it’s a treat and I love them so much. It was such a good time getting into Jacob’s head and Bertrum’s, and the horror and transformation elements of this story brought me so much joy. 

The Kraken’s Labyrinth

One day I will pick this up again, now that I have a clearer idea of what to do with it (thanks Audrey). XD It was inevitable that I was gonna put Bendy and merfolk together, with a little sprinkling of Samsie, but I didn’t expect how much joy this was gonna bring to the table. Still love this world a lot.

Searching the Depths - The Heart of the Studio

Ah yes, my “magnum opus” fic. Of course I have this as a favorite. XD I have a lot of fun working with the entire Bendy cast and my silly little OCs. I’m letting myself learn to just let go and have fun, and this fic continues to teach me everyday what I want in a story. It means so much that you guys have loved Bella and co, thank you. <3

Richard the Keeper - The Studies of 214

My most recent fic and a surprisingly strong source of brainrot as of late. If you like witty banter, unethical science, and Bendy levels of shenanigans, highly recommend this one! It’s got three chapters now with a focus on Richard, a keeper, running experiments to unlock the secrets of how the ink works, with the help of Bella, his prisoner and one of our cyclebreaker protagonists. Richard and Bella have such a fun dynamic, Sammy has been a delight to write in this one, and Wilson? Oh he’s horrible, I love writing him too. XD Please get me to talk about this one more, I’m having a blast with it. 

Honorable Mention: 

The Role I Was Made For

Not so much a fic as it is an audio skit! This started out as a dialogue test to see if I could voice Audrey and a cartoon Bendy (I blame Erin Lehn for putting the question out to the community of what Baby Benders might sound like, that’s what sparked this). It turned into a much deeper script about what makes a Bendy, and how Bendy and Audrey feel about who they are. It needs some heavy editing, but it’s one of the best scripts I’ve written in a long time. I’d say I like it just as much as Break Time, and another collaborative skit that hasn’t come out yet. Stay tuned, your girl got to co-write something awesome and perform as a very animated Susie Campbell, I look forward to when that’s ready to be heard. XD

Here’s sending you all the good vibes! Go take some time to reflect on what you love about your work, it’s very rewarding.

[houndfaker]

currently stopped at 12/2. there’s a lot i wanna talk about. this game makes me feel so incredibly strange. ill leave a very messy ramble under the cut

being past a majority of the significant moments i feel like i can give a pretty lengthy discussion of my feelings

the game does what it says on the tin it’s an hd remake. storyline (at least as of the date i cited) is by and large approximately the same.

the game itself is gorgeous it looks amazing. there is so much clear effort put into every little aspect, of which everyone is already greatly aware

i have highly mixed feelings

things i am enjoying

a nice handful of the link episodes and optional content are feel good and sweet moments that give a better impression of the cast’s relationship, which is always welcome. particular examples im personally really about include shinji’s link episodes and the group study sessions

theurgy moves and how they reflect each characters growth in their second move that unlocks with their ult persona. trismegistus’s theurgy killed me dead.

lots of very welcome qol changes that streamline numerous parts of the original game in a way that feels pretty good. i particularly enjoy the text message function and how it reminds you who’s available which days while also letting you fast travel directly to the link in question, and the net functionality thing that lets me see what others decided to do each day. a ton of helpful stuff for someone really forgetful basically

ive been playing on peaceful because im not good at rpgs (yes i spent $70 on a game from a genre i am notoriously bad at!!!!) so i can’t speak much to a lot of gameplay stuff but im glad tartarus has more to it and has also received qol changes that make it less of a slog to grind (at least in my experience). in general tartarus’s overhaul rules; visually the alternate environments with different corresponding floor layouts are awesome

they let ryoji be bisexual outwardly! kinda pretty much? much like aigis’s “I know you should be with a man” in portable it’s hard not to take “I want to be more than a friend to you” as anything other than explicitly gay. i still have a few more scenes with the guy so it might take a minute before i can be fully confident in this point.

things im not enjoying

the quality of the character writing in a lot of places is either off, irritating, or it flat out feels incorrect in some instances. whether it’s aki dropping the p word as liberally as he does or mitsuru being constantly put forward as intimidating and that’s the whole joke, or the weird new speech quirks aigis has, there are moments you can very much tell the writers are going “how many times can we fit this same unfunny joke or bit across the game”. it feels like a greater chunk of the time that they don’t Know what to do with the characters so they fall back on pushing whichever flagship trait that character is known for and it really hurts the overall enjoyment of the additional content when it feels so…shallow? as a result. not ALL of it is this way but there is a significant enough pattern that it’s genuinely a bother

how little they use the potential of this remake to demonstrate individual character dynamics that aren’t otherwise frequently touched on (i.e say yukari and shinji or aki or like aigis and shinji or fuuka and aki; there’s like a ton of character duos within sees that we just don’t really have a grasp on how they feel about each other). i was especially disappointed at the lack of shinji with other people than the rest of senpai squad or the protag, which is what i was most looking forward to having more of going in. maybe some of what i was hoping for is in tartarus dialogue i didn’t wind up triggering (which there is an insane amount of that id love to pick through once im done) but just based on the episodes i played and the hangouts i did it’s still like man. i wanted to see him being friends with other members yk? they barely took any cues from the portable slink.

BECAUSE the story is written so closely to the original any weird inconsistencies remain the same, although there are a handful of moments where they clarify certain important things that i don’t believe were in the originals. on a similar note whereas they smartened up and made stuff like romance optional and removed that notorious transphobic scene, they’re still not immune to being really fucking weird about age gaps and grooming !!! and of course the sexualization of highschoolers remains ‘Detrimental’ to the storyline 😐

ok i writing this as i am so sleep I am falling asleep with my phone. my primary thoughts for now make of that what you will. god i hate video games

[kitakataramen]

Hi!! Just stumbled into your blog and I love it 🥺 may I ask since when and how you were able to go to Japan? (If you're comfortable answering of course!) Plus, how is life in Japan for a N4? Do you find it difficult to live in or do you get the grasp of things pretty quickly?

I know it's something personal and that may change from individual to individual but I just wanted to know your experience if you're willing to share! I'd like to move to Japan and I have a lot of questions and curiosity about it. Every time I see someone on Tumblr living there I ask tons of questions 😅 sorry! Have a great day!! またねぇ～

Hi there, thanks for the message! Glad to hear you're enjoying my blog!

Great questions! So as for coming to Japan, the main ways to get here are through study abroad and working holiday programs. These are great if you are at university age. However, I didn't come to Japan until after I graduated university, so I actually came here as an English teacher! There are many companies and programs you can apply with to get a teaching position, with the best one being the JET program.

I came over with Interac, and I believe there are some other programs you can do. You'll need an undergraduate degree of some kind in order to be eligible, and a TESOL certificate will really help your chances.

If you're planning on living in Japan then it's advisable to start studying Japanese as soon as possible! I didn't and it really made things difficult because I was dispatched to a rural area in Tohoku where almost nobody can speak English- that said, it is possible to get by using basic Japanese and gestures at first, so don't let fluency (or lack thereof) stop you from coming! You will pick up the language out of necessity, believe me 😂

N4(ish) level is good for most interactions like eating out, shopping, having casual conversations, etc. I would like to point out that the JLPT levels are only one method of assessment for where your ability is, so don't get too caught up in that as a measurement. For example, I'm saying I'm at N4 because I've studied N5 and N4 books, but once I got to Japan I also started studying Japanese the way Japanese children do using children's books and kanji drills. Japanese kids learn kanji and vocab in a totally different order than the JLPT presents it in, so I know a lot of kanji from all over the different JLPT levels. Right now I usually study using 3rd and 4th grade elementary books. I just picked up some 4th grade level novels (some of my favourites, including The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, and Anne of Green Gables) from a second-hand shop- they're great because they use relatively simple sentences and the kanji have furigana readings next to them. So yeah, while I say I'm around JLPT N4 level, I don't think that's really an accurate measurement of my skills. You can use those levels to give you some guidance on what to study and it's possible you may want the certificate to put on your resume, but I've never done a JLPT exam because I hate tests. My advice is to learn Japanese in a way that works for you, by doing something you enjoy in Japanese (reading, cooking, YouTube, music, games, etc.)

[h-a-unted]

name: Kuroki

pronouns: any pronouns!

preference of communication: Discord or WhatsApp

most active muse: Travis and Emma, I've literally been really active around here (or as active as I can be which is not much) and left my other muses on very low activity, for now. Though, aside from them I've been trying to tend to mostly Meteor and my OC Popshi, both mainly from FF14. Which reminds me that I did make a Qu.arry verse for Popshi hehe, never got to use it, though.

experience / how many years: Experience in RP... I honestly have no idea, since 3rd grade? Don't know how many years that is but it's... a lot. Experience here on Tumblr was like around 2017 I think.

platforms you use: Right now; Tumblr, Discord (but I tend to be real bad at keeping up RPs there), and Facebook (very-mega low activity).

best experience: In this blog it's honestly having people to interact with. I've had the chance to bring Travis to life, even, something I thought would barely happen and develop the ships I want as well as friendships I never thought my muses would have. Emma has grown even more on me and I wish to see the different nuances of her we couldn't see much in-game. My big highlights have been meeting: @foghidden before New Years came over and how quickly we clicked! I've been having a blast writing and just talking with you. I want you to know you're real special to me already and I hope you're having as much fun as I am! You're an amazing writer and your muses are amazing! It always feels like you understand your characters so well, as if you either relate to their experiences or have studied them well. You're also very inviting when we talk and so considerate, I love talking to you a lot and hope we can share more! @quarryhag You and your Dylan were one of the first interactions I had and honestly, I can't be any more grateful. It's been so amazing, I never thought I'd find a bestie for Emma, but I'm glad I did. You evoke Dylan in your writing so perfectly, it feels like I'm actually interacting with him. Hopefully, I also meet expectations because you're giving me amazing interactions both with Emma and Travis. Talking to you about our plot ideas or random videos we find and all that is really fun! Hopefully we can keep it up this year! @v4mpier You and all your OCs and muses in general! I was super psyched that you gave me the time of day. You're so dedicated to your muses, I'm glad I can be part of them and watch them grow! I'm so excited to see what you develop along the way. Let's keep it up, I'm looking forward to more interactions and to see you develop your characters with me and with others, too! I'm rooting for you! In conclusion: You're all amazing and I hope I can make our interactions justice as you do 'cause I adore you all. In general, being in this blog has been tons of fun and I hope we develop even more together. I'm also hoping to interact with more of my followers, so please feel free to approach, I'd be so happy if you did! If you ever falter, just know that I ALWAYS am up for talking/interacting, so do it!

rp pet peeves: When people try to patrol what others like or rp, when people don't want to interact due to different perspectives that wouldn't matter in rp/writing (I respect it but I don't like it), really rigid rules, when people refuse to give others a chance to rp, etc. I'm just really chill in general, I want to write with others and have a good time. I don't mind boundaries set, as long as you're not rude about it and allow for me to be free with my other partners. Live and let live. If I bother you, block (or soft block, so I don't accidentally post at you), don't try to make drama out of it. I just hate how rigid things have become around here with most people, wish others were as open as before because this only makes people (it's me, I'm people) fear to approach and have more interactions when this is supposed to be simply a hobby for fun.

fluff,   angst,   or smut: Fluff or angst are my JAM! I'm really bad at smut so I don't include it, but I don't mind it as much if the other person doesn't mind me being mediocre at writing it lmao. Fluff and angst are just... chef's kiss, though! It's so nice for character development and I live for it and just interactions in general!

plots or memes: Both! I like random memes because I'm bad at plotting, but I don't mind trying my best if you prefer to plot, it's quite fun!

long or short replies: The reply that vibes with the moment as long as it allows me to continue with another reply or so!

best time to write: All day, every day!

are you like your muses: I, initially had written that I am NOT AT ALL like Emma or Travis, so I asked about my traits and... I do have the same coping or reactionary mechanism as Emma when in face of dire/scary situations. I tend to be the token Mellow Fellow that remains outwardly "calm" despite being frightened and the one that tries to cheer others up with silly or cheery behavior. When it comes to traits I share with Travis, I seem to not be honest with my feelings and try to force myself to be mentally stronger and more detached just because I know I should be to keep myself protected. There's also a self-sacrificing factor in him that is a little hard to pinpoint, but it's still the same type I convey, I suppose. There may be some more but, I don't know of any other traits, at least not at the top of my head. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to develop them and see how it went for me (aside from growing really fond of the two). I WISH I had some of their good attributes, so to speak. I don't think I am like my muses in general, and maybe that's why I'm drawn to them. But, surely, I put pieces of me on my portrayal of them, so maybe lookout for those, if you can find out which are which! tagged by: @quarryhag (thank you omg this was so good!) tagging: @foghidden @v4mpier @blccdycigxrettes @hrrorstrie @ghospoke @mkoshi and anyone else I missed! If you see this, consider yourself tagged! (And feel free to tag me!)

[cafffeineconnoisseur]

Everything you went through i understand completely.

Fyi nursing school wasn’t my first option, but I couldn’t do well back in high school since my father passed the same year I should’ve studied hard to get good grades that could get me into med school.

I was only 0.7% away from getting into med school so nursing was my last option, and honestly, my family was against it but I insisted since it was my last option and the last major that’s close to med school, so i got in 🤷🏼‍♀️

Back in my second year, I had to go visit a therapist because of the immense amount of pressure I went through and I had to get on some meds to help me relax, which resulted in having irregular periods and having to take meds for that too, I honestly am still traumatized about my entire university experience, but i kept telling myself that it will end soon and it did.

Another family member passed when I was a graduate, and I went through depression and anxiety for the entire graduation year I wasn’t even half happy even when I was close to the end, so again i relate.

Time will pass by and you will remember these days and be thankful they’re over, I’m glad you’re occupying yourself with different hobbies and I’d say this is the best time to explore your true self and what you actually want, this is the perfect time to choose a path you’re comfortable with, and maybe learn about other careers that could be wayyyy better than med school, i secretly wish i chose marketing over nursing bc they’re effing rich 😂

Ily pookie and i want you to be the best all the time ❤️

Pookie I'm so sorry you had to go thru all that and thanks a lot for sharing. Ik this can be difficult to talk about but I'm so grateful you did cuz I feel empowered.

I'm so sorry about your father's and your family member's passing, it's so hard to deal with honestly. Even my grandpa passed away last November, I hadn't met him in 4 years and I didn't even have the time to grieve. Damn how I wish the education system took our mental health seriously lmao.

Sending you hugs cuz I relate to the irregular periods so much cuz since 2024 began, I didn't get it for 3 months straight. I literally got it during my finals and it was hella intense so I did pretty horrible in it and even now I'm gonna touch the 2 month mark lmao. I was basically diagnosed with severe vitamin B12 deficiency so I had to take shots on my ass lmao and shit ton of meds. It didn't cure my headache so my doc gave me anti depressants and anti anxiety pills which I'd used more often than necessary. I realised it was wrong so I stopped completely and had to go thru withdrawal lol. Isn't it crazy how much our physical health is affected by all of it? Ugh I find it so annoying. Like in the past few months I've gained some weight. Lot of ppl around me call me some shit for that but I try to ignore it. I want to lose weight but I have a history of ed so I'm just scared lmao.

I hope you're doing better now pookie ❤️

Yeah I'm sure time will pass but I just can't wait now lmao. It's been too long and I'm done with those toxic af classes, losing friends, constant anxiety, insomnia and what not. All of that to still not be good enough.

Ifkr like atp I just wanna be YouTuber or tiktoker lmao cuz some of them are earning wayy more than actual doctors hahaha.

Actually I'm looking into more research oriented careers and stuff idk how that's gonna go lol

Thanks a lot for sharing this baby, I feel so much better just sharing my heart away over here. 💗

[casspurrjoybell-25]

November - Chapter 11

*Warning Adult Content*

- Oliver -

The trees in the Hoh Rainforest were some of the biggest Oliver had ever seen in person.

Everything was green, the leaves, the ferns blanketing the ground and the moss growing up the trunks of the trees.

Moss was also draped from tree branches, hanging in curtains that stretched towards the ground.

With rain lightly falling, every tree and plant dripped water.

It felt like he was walking through a fairy-tale, through an ancient, enchanted forest that had been here since the beginning of time.

He turned towards Cooper.

"This is incredible. I know I've been saying that about everything but I really mean it. You weren't kidding when you said this was a rainforest. This is so...majestic," he says, trying to find the words.

"It's like seeing the Earth as it would have been millions of years ago."

Cooper's face lit up.

"That's exactly how I feel. Like I'm going back in time."

"I love it," Oliver says, gazing around at the forest.

"You're lucky to live near this."

As they walked along the path that wound it’s way through the trees, Oliver wanted to reach over and hold Cooper's hand.

This would be perfect for a romantic walk.

Instead, He stuck his hands in the pockets of his rain jacket.

It wouldn't be right to use Cooper as a vacation hook-up or a rebound.

That's not what it would be to Oliver but that's what it might seem like to him.

Besides, He wasn't sure if Cooper would be interested in him.

He was probably just being friendly.

‘I mean, he was friendly to everyone. I probably wasn't special.’

The last thing Oliver needed to do was read too much into things, make a fool out of himself and put Cooper in an awkward situation.

When they stopped near a large moss-covered maple tree and Cooper was looking up at the branches, Oliver allowed himself to indulge in his crush for a moment.

He let his eyes move down Cooper's body.

He was muscular with massive shoulders and biceps.

He was solid and Oliver really liked that.

One of the best things about Cooper’s body was his ass, it was huge and most of it was muscle.

Oliver wanted it in his hands, even though he knew there was no way it would fit into his hands.

He felt himself blushing.

He shouldn't be standing here thinking about Cooper like this.

He needed to stay in the moment.

"When did you come here for the first time?" He asks.

"When I was a baby. My parents liked to get pictures of us here."

Oliver laughs.

"I should have known. Where else did they take you? Did you all travel a lot?"

"We tried to but we didn't have a ton of money growing up. We'd go to Oregon a lot, and we went to Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks and once we took a road trip across the country to see the Great Smoky Mountains and Mammoth Cave National Park. And of course I've been to California and Alaska for my fishing job. But that's it."

"That's a completely different experience from mine," Oliver replies.

"My parents liked cities and beaches. So there were a lot of trips to Chicago and New York, and then to Florida. I studied abroad for a semester in college and got to see London, Paris and Barcelona. I guess that's why I'm trying to do a trip involving the outdoors now. It's something different."

"You sound well traveled. I'm impressed," Cooper says, grinning.

"It was mostly because of studying abroad. Did your college have any programs like that?"

"I didn't go to college."

"Oh," Oliver says, not sure how Cooper felt about it.

"Sorry, I just assumed."

Cooper laughs.

"I'm glad you assumed I'm smart enough for college. But I didn't need it for logging or fishing and it would have been tough to find the money to pay for it."

"Well, you're doing a lot better in life than I am," Oliver jokes.

"You own a home and have two careers. I struggle to afford rent and it's going to take a while for me to move up in my career."

"It's all a matter of perspective."

"You're right. I mean, going to college doesn't mean I'm smart. I have plenty of dumb moments."

"Oh really?" Cooper asks, raising an eyebrow.

"What's one of them?"

"Um, okay, here's one you'll find amusing. In college, my friends and I were on a trip to San Francisco and there was a sea lion sleeping at the end of one of the piers. I wanted to know how they felt, like if they were slippery, so I snuck up and touched the sea lion's back. I thought I could just feel it’s skin and then walk away without it waking up but it immediately flung its head up and roared. I ran away screaming and then tripped on a loose board on the pier and fell into the water."

Cooper threw his head back and laughed.

"I would have loved to have seen that."

"My friends were all laughing at me, and then we had to go back to the hotel so I could change into dry clothes. It was not my finest moment."

"Was the sea lion slippery?"

"That's the dumbest part. I was so freaked out I forgot what it felt like for the split second my hand was on it."

"There are plenty of sea lions on the peninsula. Do you want to try again?" Cooper asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I do not. I learned my lesson," Oliver says, laughing.

- Cooper - 

Cooper was enjoying getting to know more about Oliver and it seemed like the day was passing by too quickly.

They spent a few hours in the Hoh Rainforest before driving over to Ruby Beach and Cooper was hoping the clouds would clear up more.

He'd packed sandwiches and a blanket and he was planning on them eating dinner and watching the sunset.

He really liked Oliver but he didn't think anything would happen between them.

Oliver had just been through a break-up and even if he was willing to have a fling, Cooper probably wasn't his type.

Besides, in a few days, Oliver was going to go back to his California life and find another boyfriend.

‘I needed to stop falling for him.’

After Cooper got his pack out of the truck, he followed Oliver down the path to the beach.

At the edge of the trees, the young man stopped and looked at the dense stretch of sun-bleached logs in front of them.

"Do all Washington beaches have a huge log graveyard to go through first?" he asks.

"Not all of them but a lot," Cooper chuckles.

"I'll lead the way."

Cooper makes sure Oliver got through the logs safely, holding out his hand for him to grab and steady himself when he needed it.

Every time Oliver’s hand was in his, Cooper didn't want to let go.

He could imagine them strolling along the beach or spending their weekends hiking together.

He could imagine Oliver in his house, helping him make dinner for the two of them.

Cooper forced himself to focus on the scenery around them.

It was low tide and the water had receded, leaving the sand looking smooth and wet.

There was enough water that it was reflecting the sky, as though someone were holding up a giant mirror.

"Wow," Oliver says.

"This is amazing. It's a perfect reflection."

"It happens at low tide. Hey, guess what I'm about to ask you to do?"

"What?" Oliver asks, turning towards Cooper with a curious expression who grins.

"Walk out onto the sand and model for me. This will be a great picture."

Oliver laughs.

"I should have guessed. You only invited me to stay for another week so you'd have a human subject to put in your pictures, didn't you?"

Cooper holds up his hands in surrender.

"Guilty."

Oliver walked further out onto the sand and Cooper got several pictures of him walking with his back to the camera and then standing and gazing out towards the ocean.

It was a cool effect to have someone silhouetted against the reflected sky.

"Do you want one?" Oliver called out.

Cooper gestured for him to come back over to him.

"Here," he said, handing Oliver his cell-phone.

"I know exactly what I want."

Cooper found a large, sturdy log and laid down on top of it on his side, facing Oliver.

He propped his head up with one hand and stared seductively, doing his best impression of a pin-up pose.

Oliver couldn't stop laughing.

Once he managed to get a few pictures, they explored the beach.

Cooper had been here a million times but he pointed out Destruction Island in the distance with it’s lighthouse and then showed Oliver some of the tidal pools filled with colorful starfish and sea anemones.

After spending a couple hours walking around and climbing on rocks, Cooper got out the blanket and spread it out on a dry patch of sand near the logs.

The sun was already making it’s descent through the sky and bathing the scenery in a soft orange.

Oliver and Cooper watched it sink towards the ocean as they ate their sandwiches.

The older man knew he shouldn't torture himself and ask the question that had been on his mind for the past few hours but he did it anyway.

He had to know if there was any way he had a chance with Oliver.

"So," Cooper says, trying to sound casual.

"What are you looking for in your next boyfriend?"

Oliver laughs.

"I don't know if I'll be looking anytime soon. I need to focus on my career and find a place to live."

"And you should. It'll give you time to move on. Getting over a break-up doesn't happen quickly."

"No, it doesn't. But I want the next guy to be kind and make me a priority. I want someone who's excited to spend time with me, instead of acting like it's a chore or they'd rather be doing something else or be with someone else. Someone who wants to do the same things as me. Not all the time, of course but enough that I don't feel like we're constantly compromising."

Cooper smiled.

"You deserve all that and more. What about the superficial stuff? Like appearance and career?"

Oliver shrugged.

"I try not to put too much importance on that stuff. Obviously I want to be attracted to who I'm with and I want them to have a job, but it's more about how they make me feel."

The young man looked up at Cooper and smiled.

"What about you? I know you don't have a ton of options out here but what are you looking for?"

"Kind of the same as you, honestly. I want a guy who likes the outdoors and who'll go hiking and camping with me. And it's important to me that he gets along with my family and likes hanging out with them."

"It's great how close you are with your family," Oliver said.

"Not everyone is that lucky."

As Cooper looked at Oliver in the golden glow of the setting sun, he wanted to kiss him.

He wanted to cup his face in his hand and run his thumb over the dimple in his cheek.

He wanted to know how his lips felt against his.

And it wasn't just because Oliver was gorgeous

He was a sweet and gentle person, the kind of guy who would be a bright spot in anyone's life.

Cooper still wasn't sure if he had a chance with Oliver or not but he'd made it clear that he wasn't looking right now, so the older man wasn't going to push.

As it got dark, Cooper knew that they should leave but he wished they could stay here on this blanket and he could pull Oliver into his arms and lay under the stars with him.

If it were any other situation, Cooper would have made a move already but he respected Oliver too much to do that while he was still hurting from his break-up.

"We should get going," Cooper says.

"I don't want it to get much darker before we have to navigate the logs."

"Good point. I definitely don't want to fall and become part of the log graveyard."

"I won't let that happen," Cooper promises.

The older man packed up the blanket and they began climbing over the logs.

There was enough moonlight to see but Cooper still helped Oliver.

They were almost through the logs when Oliver tripped.

Cooper whirled around and caught him, his hands on the younger man’s slender waist and Oliver’s arms around his guide’s shoulders.

Their faces were only inches apart.

Oliver stared into Cooper’s eyes for another second before he shifted his gaze.

"Thank you," Oliver said and then he leant forward and kissed Cooper on the cheek.

It wasn't exactly what the older man was hoping for but it was something.

He felt himself blushing in the dark and he was grateful Oliver couldn't see his reaction to one simple, innocent kiss.

[umichenginabroad]

Czech Things in Praha and Karlovy Vary

Dobry vecer,

Found out this week that there's tons to do just around the city! I felt like between all my classes and planning travel around Europe that I hadn't really gotten to know Prague, but the past couple of days has changed that.

Wednesday night, my roommates and I decided to check out a jazz music club. I haven't really been to many live music settings besides the occasional concert, so I wasn't sure what to expect but it surpassed my expectations by far. The musicians played a variety of Czech and international songs, and I could feel the music in my bones as it played: honestly, so relaxing.

Jazz Republic -- free live music, and you get a poster

Later in the week, our program's Activities Coordinator planned a trip to the farmer's market, so I got to experience interacting with local businesses as well. Back on campus, I've gone to the Kerrytown farmer's market periodically, so I had an idea of what it'd entail. This one, however, had so many more freshly made dishes and baked goods. Maybe it was because I didn't recognize most things, but I was really impressed by the selection. Poppy seed goods are a big thing in the Czech Republic apparently; the one I had did not disappoint.

Would recommend the banana walnut bread and this spicy sausage soup. The stands change every day, but those two would definitely be worth the search

Over the weekend, I was glad to get to relax in Prague since my lack of sleep from the past couple of weeks has definitely started to catch up. One of my friends who's studying abroad came to visit, and we took the opportunity to go see Pražský Hrad (Prague Castle). If you don't know by now, Prague is super hilly, and the trek up to the castle was no different. The stairs seemed endlesssss. I didn't feel it as much in the moment, but it was really nice to see someone I knew from home. Plus, being a fake tour guide is also pretty entertaining.

Last but not least, I wrapped up my weekend with a day trip to Karlovy Vary yesterday. This is a popular trip from Prague, and the town is known for its mineral hot springs and spas. As I was planning the itinerary, I figured my friends and I could hike to a lookout first and end our day with relaxing in the spa. And so we set off to the Diana Observation Tower. The hike was manageable, but I was panting by the time we got up there lol. 360 views were for sure worth it though!

Wandering through the trees, landscape view, and a slightly lower lookout point where we could marvel at the architecture

One thing you must do in Karlovy Vary is try the hot springs. They have spigots for each, and every one is at a different temperature. It tasted pretty gross, like highly mineralized water, to be frank, but hey its supposed to improve your health... and I don't think anyone has died from it considering the number of people filling up water bottles worth.

Two of the hot springs featuring my souvenir cup!

I'm glad I had this weekend in Prague, considering I have travel booked every week until the end of April. Seeing my friend really inspired me to do more touristy things in Prague, and help me appreciate the city even more.

Stay tuned for my weekend travels and any new Prague insights!

Catherine Jiang Computer Science Tech Career Accelerator in Prague

Czech Words

Dobry vecer - good evening

Pražský Hrad - Prague Castle

[bemamar]

I am sorry if this ignorant but in my country there’s a common belief that autistic adult people cannot develop adult brain, many times on TV they showed us these type of autistic people who their brain stop developing but after seeing so many autistic on social media I found out that I may had misinformation ever since I was a kid.. I could not found helpful articles because of the lack of awareness here so if it’s ok to ask you why do people share this kind of info and how true it is ?? Going through social media I came with the idea that there was some misunderstanding about this.

               Hey anon, glad you seem to be seeking information. That is... yeah. Definitely a no. There are of course, many other disorders that can happen  alongside autism, just as they can happen with non-autistic people, and those can be of course a challenge, but that doesn’t mean that is the reality of every autistic person, or that those people should be infantilized either. On the contrary, really.

Just to give you my personal experience, I grew up autistic and I didn’t even know it until one year ago, so that might tell you something. I’ve graduated highschool and I have a degree in Architecture and Urbanism. Nowadays I am an English teacher, and I also work with translation, design, publication and selling of books. A lot of autistic people work in very complex industries that take care of things such as infrastructure, health (like vaccines!), technological development, and so on. Others don’t. Others teach, others are amazing artists, others live an academic life, others like working with their hands. That doesn’t mean one is more developed than the other, we’re just different people with different interests, same as anyone. 

This is a very complex subject and I can give you two wonderful channels to get you started if you really want to learn more: Chloé Hayden and Paige Layle who have tons of research on those things.

From my own dedicated research, the central (summarized!!!) points I can give you are these: there are two main reasons (and a consequence), as of my understanding, for why people believe that autistics are only children, that we “disappear” when we grow up, or as you said, that we stay stuck in a childish mental age. 

The first one is that most referenced, known, and used studies for autism are still ones that were done decades ago. Back then, professionals thought only young male (white) boys could be autistic, so all of the stablished research for autism is based on how a very specific demographic could behave, or react, or present the disorder. So if we’re talking about a whole rainbow spectrum, we’ve only ever studied one shade of one color and one length of that color, and nothing else. That’s also the only image that’s ever been projected for people on media, so whenever anyone thinks autism, they think of the caricature of the young white boy who’s nerdy and quiet and lonely and prone to outbursts if upset. 

The second problem is that a LOT of the organizations who claim to study autism to help autistic people, are run by non autistics that have no interests in helping adult autistics, or listening to us, and actually just keep looking for ways to either get rid of it (which would be like trying to get rid of my bisexuality, or the color of my skin) OR they’re trying to identify all of the genetics so they can stop us from being born at all by identifying autism in the womb (eugenics).

The consequence of those things, and of the fact that many autistics have different ways of communicating (like non-verbal autistics, who would communicate via text or other means), means that the people who are actually represented when talking about autism are the non-autistic parents of autistic children. They are the ones the studies, the organizations, the aid etc are meant to help. The parents. And parents have to parent children, not adults. So any articles, any programs to help, any government aid, it’s all aimed at the parents, as though like I said, children grew out of their autism eventually (impossible), or as though, like you said, we didn’t grow up at all. There is a major focus on autism as a burden for the poor neurotypical parents who can’t understand their child, while ignoring the autistic person themselves.

Yes, there are many of us who have more special needs than others, and those should be respected, there are as I’ve said, co-conditions that can occur, there are a lot of us, as I’ve mentioned, that have difficulty speaking up or speaking verbally at all, but not being able to communicate what is on your mind in a way that is comfortable for non-autistic people doesn’t make your mind underdeveloped. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be listened to when decisions are made about your own life, it doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish whatever you want to do with accommodations, and it doesn’t mean you can’t understand the world around you or have amazing talents, or just want to sit on your couch and watch tv and have a regular job. 

We’re people of all kinds because we’re people. We have different needs, and only the people who have them can tell you about that, I could never speak for them, I can only speak of my own needs. But you can research more and learn the nuances I could never put into a singular answer. That’s the gist of it. I hope you do continue to learn! And I wish luck to autistics in your country, I’m sure there are many more of them than you imagine, and there must be communities over there too, because we exist all over the world, and we definitely don’t stop existing or become neurotypicals at 18 years old.

[bulldyke-rider]

Did you ever watch the animated tv series Daria? In the first episode, cynical sarcastic Daria and her bubbly popular image-obsessed younger sister move to a new city and have to take a psychological evaluation at their new high school. Daria gets put into an after school program for teens with low self-esteem. Later she quips to her parents on the ride home, "I don't have low self esteem. I have low esteem for other people." I'm glad I saw this rerun so young because it helped me articulate my issue when I was put in therapy as a self-harming teenager. I had a lot of anger. I felt helpless to influence my circumstances and just felt trapped and depressed, in an underfunded "inner city" public school which didn't have the resources to educate us, around classmates I didn't fit in with. I really needed some guidance on how to change the situation I was in, maybe some recommendations for what groups to join so I could make friends, some direction towards college. But instead it was all about how to feel better about myself. I like myself. Back then, I suffered from teenage arrogance I was smarter and better than most people around me. I have good intentions and a lot of ambition, just aimless ambition. I didn't need to be convinced about what I deserved. I already knew I deserved more than the situation I was stuck in. An adult worth their salt shouldn't known how to use that to motivate me to take an active interest in making something of myself, look to the future, work harder at something that matters. But I struggled longer into adulthood because everyone wanted to talk about self esteem and I just figured they were full of shit. Because I had enough self esteem to think I knew better when other people didn't.

We know teenage girls feel angry about the injustices against their sex. We don't all mope around hating ourselves. And the downside is how this follows us into adulthood, into professional settings. They talk to women as if we're all afraid to negotiate raises and all experience imposter syndrome. It's infantilizing. We know from studies women who ask for raises are more likely to be denied than men, because male bosses believe men need more money as providers and other outdated stereotypes about men and their families.

Okay, you're so right.

Like, there are a lot of women and girls with just insanely low self esteem. I've run into so many. So so fucking many.

But people take that and apply it to all of us who are struggling even a little bit. And I think it breeds self esteem issues to be told you have low self esteem over and over. It's similar in concept to being called confident all the time and how it's code for ugly. "You don't love yourself" sometimes sounds like code for "I see you as lesser"

Idk, a lotta people think I have some idea about myself that I'm special and think differently from everybody. But I know there are a ton of people out there like me. It's just we don't get the center stage when it comes to talking about mental illness. And we're told we think differently than we actually do.

And so we're trying to navigate our own healing around being told to learn how to love ourselves and forgive ourselves. Bro, forgive myself for what? Love myself how? I don't see myself as separate from myself. I don't see myself as something I can love or hate.

I'm so far past learning why I do things, learning why I think things. I wanna know how to feel better. And no one wants to give me an answer. People just wanna convince me I'm self hating.