#i do think what i made was funny though
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tempestmothstorm · 2 months ago
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pt 2 of memes that vaguely relate to the ambiguous nihilism theme essay and stuff except this one is a lot dumber
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hydrachea · 5 months ago
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I think if Blade ever does send a text directly it should be a single sentence of the most basic kind, and then it never happens again.
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uncanny-tranny · 9 months ago
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It's very funny being like... a stereotypically (as in, straight masc) masculine queer person. Like it's frustrating because I would love to have cute moments where I share tips with a trans woman or maybe help somebody in that kind of way, but like... why should she or anybody else listen to me when I only got my third pair of jeans recently? 😭
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triple-starsss · 8 months ago
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i am SOOOO INVESTED in this au like im about to start a stan twitter account i'm about to make one of those one direction imagines IM!!! SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM!! i'm curious though how do triple s leave eggman's management and how do they continue as a band following that since you mentioned it in your answer about the music?? and seriously tysm for making this au it drives me insane /pos
AAAH IM GLAD TO HEAR THAT LOL i should make a Triple☆S fancam at this rate (also wooo on a roll with asks today asbdjf)
AND OUGHH still working out the finer details of this but i have a sort of vague idea of how i want it to play out!! (also brace yourself this is long as hell)
This is during a period where they start touring and are essentially at the peak of their fame!! They're all incredibly exhausted from the almost daily concerts - mentally and physically. It gets bad enough that Silver ends up fainting live (this was their sort of wake up call that okay shit, we seriously can't be doing this anymore)
With Rouge's help they manage to sneak away from their tour bus prior to the concert happening the next day (which would've been one of the bigger ones in terms of ticket sales). They stay at her place for the mean time, THOUGH OBVIOUSLY THIS CAUSES A PROBLEM FOR EGGMAN!!! Can't exactly have a concert without Triple☆S performing and there were already a shit load of people waiting within the venue - he promptly cancels the event and has to refund all the tickets they sold for this concert (causing a significant dent in his profit as well as reputation).
Fans are incredibly worried (and frustrated)- they don't hear from the band themselves for about a week as they keep missing the tours, Eggman is continuing to lose A LOT of money and his patience!!
this is the part that i'm still working out BASJDHF but eventually they make an appearance again, on a little stage in the middle of the city center. People quickly take notice, crowding around them, barraging them with questions and complaints ETC ABSDJ. They encourage people to start recording and they talk about Eggman, his cruelty (to not only them but his other workers), greed, unethical practices THE WHOLE LOT. This info spreads like wildfire and eventually Eggman is taken away to be put on trial (and is clearly guilty) - effectively ruining his whole business and severing them from his management (yippee!!)
after all that they take a LOOOONGGG ass break from the spotlight absjdhf but they've grown to really enjoy the band and each other's company - choosing to instead be a bit more of an underground (ha sonic underground) group, performing music more catered to their tastes and initial vision for the band (this does dwindle their popularity but they find comfort in that).
They do obviously end up losing their apartment too absjdf - Sonic lives with Tails again, Silver finally gets his own place and Shadow sort of bounces between living with Rouge and back with Gerald and Maria!!
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callisteios · 2 months ago
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it is time for The House Spreadsheet
so yeah for those who don't know i have spent like two years making (and constantly mentioning that i am making) a spreadsheet to track several things in the 2004-2012 tv show house md
I'll probably rb with details/graphs but without further ado:
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Here it is!!!
some disclaimers:
I may have got things wrong!!!!
PLEASE note above, i am just one person with a poor attention span, i did my best but may have missed instances of something im tracking.
if you do notice something wrong you can let me know (timestamps please) and if i verify i'll update the sheet
please don't take the notes seriously, they were just a stream of conciousness reaction to keep me sane
re: the things wrong point, i definitely got the medical categories wrong so if anyone has better suggestions i am Begging You please come to me
If you make anything with this i'd love to see, so please tag me when you do :)
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puppet-purgatory · 8 months ago
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so let me get this straight, watcher:
An unknown party is planting VHS tapes on your own set weekly, containing ad reads by:
a self-proclaimed professor
who mentions unfortunate encounters with horses
who has an 'estranged wife'
whose jacket is tan and tie and red
who is a 'gamer'
whose image flickered in like a hologram in an earlier ad read,
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and you want us to just like, not think Something Smells Fishy. OK...
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riverrunscold · 7 months ago
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Since we're sharing youtube comments, I wanted to share this underrated one
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serpentface · 4 months ago
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HOSPITALITY AND GIFT ECONOMY IN THE HIGHLANDS: A POST.
Rites of hospitality are of key importance and taken very seriously in this cultural context, especially given the frequency at which individuals will be traveling (as herders, or along intra-Highlands trade routes). These rites exist as the concept of 'Shiab's peace', a divinely mandated contract of hospitality under the watch of Shiab, goddess of the hearth and of travelers. This is invoked with a standardized verbal exchange with a member of the household- the prospective guest will greet with “I would ask Shiab’s peace of you”, the host, if accepting, will respond with “You will have Shiab’s peace here.” While not explicitly an oath, it is understood as such and ascribed the same profound significance (both social and spiritual consequences for violation).
A potential host can refuse (though usually doesn't, hosting is an honor and can be a power play), but the mere request for Shiab's peace imbues temporary spiritual protection on the asker- one’s most loathed enemy must at least be allowed to leave unharmed, even if denied guest rite. (This isn’t a get out of jail free card, a request for Shiab’s peace is a request for hospitality, not mercy, the goddess will not be protecting you if you attempt to use it in the midst of combat or etc).
Once mutually invoked, the expectations of Shiab’s peace are as follows:
The host should provide for the guest’s basic needs generously within their means, and allow them to stay for a night and provide them a place to sleep.
The guest and host much each provide their names and titles, though the guest is under no obligation to explain the reasons for their presence and cannot be asked.
The guest must accept all food offered (and gifts, though this is not specific to Shiab's peace and rather part of a wider practice in the gift-economy).
The guest must ask for nothing, and take nothing that is not offered.
The guest is under full protection of the host, and vice versa. Theft, assault, or murder committed under Shiab's peace is a grave broken oath and one should expect very severe consequences (both supernatural and mundane, should others find out).
The guest (unless offered continued hospitality) must see themselves out after sunrise the following morning. They cannot be made to leave early.
If a guest is offered continued hospitality, they should offer to participate in any needed chores (the host can accept or decline at their discretion).
The protection of Shiab's peace continues until the following sunrise after the guest leaves (ie a host cannot pursue their leaving guest to steal from them)
Shiab's peace is universal and transcends conflicts, and once invoked cannot be violated under any circumstances. Members of a rival clan or of a tribe yours is at war with, a foreigner you're suspicious of, etc, are all fully under protection (and under their full expectations as a guest).
A guest that violates their expectations can be made to leave, as they have broken the oath and are no longer protected. (in practice, many hosts will let MINOR violations slide unless the guest is like, really annoying or godawful)
The host, in practice, will usually be the wife of the household (if present), as the wife is considered the owner of a family’s home, land, and property, and has final say on how resources are used and given. The host is expected to provide the guest food and drink and a place to stay for one night, and supply any other obvious basic needs (ie: if the guest’s clothing is worn or wet, they should be given fresh clothes). These gifts should be generous within one’s means, and in practice will usually be a square meal, mead/wine/murre, multiple rounds of tea, and a breakfast the following morning. A host that does not provide expected basic needs within their means is in violation of Shiab’s peace and has broken their oath, and should expect consequences.
A guest is not literally oathbound to practice ideal social etiquette, but it's a cultural expectation (ie, the guest should finish all their food and save some bread for last to scoop up anything left in the bowl, not a hard requirement but good manners). They are fully expected to accept any and all gifts offered. A guest should neither take nor ask for anything not freely given (all basic needs should have been met by the host to begin with). It IS acceptable for a guest to imply further needs in conversation, so long as they do not directly request them: ie mentioning in conversation that their leg is hurt and they can only hope their travels do not make it worse, as it would take days of rest for it to heal (“I need to stay multiple nights, can we work that out?”), or mentioning that their pack khait has gone lame and cannot carry their supplies, they fear they will have to leave both animal and supplies behind (“Will you lend me a pack ox/khait?”). These roundabout requests are still at least expected to be Truthful in nature (and all of this is happening under the watch of a deity, there may be consequences for lying).
Hosts may give extra gifts at their discretion- these can either be charitable, or indebting. A charitable gift will be given with further verbal declaration of Shiab’s peace, which establishes it as an act of goodwill and that the guest is not in the host’s debt. An indebting gift will be given with no declaration of Shiab's peace. The guest is obligated to accept either.
Indebting gifts are a part of the wider political and economic structure of the Highlands, a separate (though linked) practice to guest hospitality. The vast majority of the economy relies on trade of goods, with an additional dimension of this gift economy. Being able to give gifts is a display of wealth and power, establishing one’s family or clan above another in a social hierarchy. The most powerful are able to give the most extravagant gifts, and will have many other clans/families considered perpetually in their debt if the gift cannot be met with one of equal or greater value. This debt is immaterial- it is not actually Expected to be paid (it’s better for the gift-giver if it ISN'T), rather it establishes/reinforces one's place in a power structure and regulates the conduct of the gift receiver (it can be evoked to call in favors or settle disputes). A debt held by a single person translates to their immediate family, while a debt held by a clan matriarch/patriarch translates to their entire clan.
Cattle raiding is both a practical means of resource acquisition and a part of this wider political schema, and often figures into the gift structure. Stealing cattle and then giving them back as a gift is a power play, it declares ‘our men are better than yours (they’ve stolen the cattle successfully) and we are wealthier than you (we don’t even need them)’, while also settling the score and dissuading retaliation. Stealing cattle and then giving MORE (or different, higher quality) cattle as a gift is a massive power play, declaring much the same things to a greater extent, dissuading retaliation, AND putting the theft victim/gift recipient into the debt of the thieves.
Power structures within tribes are passively enforced by this gift giving structure- the ruling clan of each (which in practice usually controls the best agricultural land and largest herds, and is most involved in trade) will provide gifts to all clans subservient to them (and particularly generous gifts to potential rivals), keeping them indebted and lower in the social structure. Ruling clans who lose the ability to afford to give gifts, or find themselves indebted, will often be usurped (not strictly as a result of their debt, rather that losing ability to stay on top of the gift system generally occurs in conjunction with a diminished material power/wealth).
These combined practices result in very complex, often aggravating political power structures, but reduce the frequency of open conflict between clans within a tribe (which are frequently at odds), providing other avenues for power/material acquisition and for the settling of scores. Most open conflicts occur between clans within separate tribes or entire tribes (less likely to have secure power structures enforced by gift/trade), though practices of raiding and combat-sport provide some levels of tension release via less-violent score settling.
Other dimensions of the gift economy are not directly indebting (in not establishing a power structure), and considered paid via mutual partnership. Alliances between clans of different tribes are usually established in continued gift-giving (declared explicitly as gifts of allegiance), with the implied payment being mutual material support (supplying warriors, sharing grazing land, open trade, etc), which is usually reinforced with binding oaths. Marriages also involve gifts. A bride price is fairly standard (which is a straightforward payment for property and assets the wife's mother will be passing into her son-in-law's care), and a husband who cannot supply one is considered in his mother in law's debt (and may not gain full integration into the family until this is paid). But as supplement to the bride price, members of each family will freely give gifts with no expectation of the value of their gifts being matched (declared as such by being specifically described as a gift of marriage), as a means of further allying both families and a show of goodwill.
#This figures into some small backstory stuff#The time when Brakul and Janeys were lost in the wilderness and dying so badly for a couple weeks was ended when they met a#single Naid-Troibadnas man who was a known recluse + exile + generally disliked and requested Shiab's peace from him (given they#were in the process of starving to death). The dude was meticulously polite and fulfilled his obligations as a host perfectly and#also gleefully took the opportunity to shower them in indebting gifts (especially since Brakul is Bict-Urbinnas and a rival-#and Janeys was some rich south Wardi brat who had no fucking idea what was going on and it was funny)#So Janeys was like 'Wow that guy gave us an entire khait that's fucking STUPID of him lol but great!' And Brakul's just like#Well. The second or third worst guy I know owns my ass now. And yours.#The guy still regularly informs traders along the Yellowtail route that the Haidamane family is indebted to him (doesn't expect anything#to come of it he just thinks it's hilarious) to the point that it reached Janeys' father's attention and at one point he sat him down#like Son........What the FUCK did you do.#Also this cultural backdrop made Brakul initially very wary of Janeys' propensity to give him expensive gifts.#Like he got the gist that the same practices are not at play but it still made him nervous that there was some expected debt#or an attempt to establish a power structure. (It IS kind of a power play but it's just like. courtship peacocking rather than#trying to establish superiority. And also some levels of 'please don't leave me pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease')#Though over a decade in he has no such concerns and is very content to be lavished.
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dont-offend-the-bees · 3 months ago
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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holland-vosijk-antari · 3 months ago
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deus-ex-mona · 3 months ago
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scrolled a little too far back on mogetwt and found pure gold:
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#i miss mitsumona… i love asumona y e s but mitsumona~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#‘where were you when this part of idol sengen was being serialised?’ trapped outside due to regionlock s o b s#man… looking at idol sengen on piccoma again like. gosh. 7.9 million hearts/likes so trueeeee#which do you think we’ll get first: mitsuki mv (a la gijirenai) or idol sengen s2?#the crumbs we get of her in mona mvs isnt enoughhhhhhhh aaaaa#even a 1 image mv would do!!! just give us a tiny bit more of her plsssss#i wanna know what made mona such a huge fan of hers~~~~~~~#though. the way mona specifies that she only likes girl idols will forever be funny to me#she really can’t care less about lxl huh… so true of her tbh#girl idols are a m a z i n g (<-weakling who tears up while watching love live live recordings)#like. man. props to the casting directors or sth bc. m a n their stage presence is unreal for idol vas#like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if you told me the vas were idols themselves id believe you#rkk was so cute. and aik.yan was super cool (esp during her solo) a n d ain.ya was both cute and cool and!!!!!!!!!#but um!!!! i digress!!!! anyways stan girl idols (esp mona) lxl w h o—#i think i’ll forever be envious of those who’ll be able to watch nan.su’s mona oneman live though… no foreigners allowed (how sad)…#though y’all should def check out some of nan.su’s other songs!! her powerful songs are so cool (imo)…#but i think she’s actually really good at singing songs with cheering/chanting portions lmfaooo the monachan lives on#i think hw should give mona more cool-ish songs though… let nan.su show off her range!!!#though. while im on the topic. i think sena should have cool songs too. narumi sisters cool song p l s s s s s#(bc my hot take over here is that hw doesn’t let their vas show off their full range *c o u g h s* i m e a n—)#what am i even on anymore h e l p started on mitsumona ended up in narumi sisters cool song desires…#anyways!!!! stream silent sword (both the og by ama.miya sora and the cover by nan.su) that’s all goodbye
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spiderin-space · 6 months ago
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Lots of scene redraw sketches 👀
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accirax · 2 years ago
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Mr. Showtime 2DMV Theory
The release of Mr. Showtime full and its 2DMV... oh my god. I’m back on my Tsukasa bullshit, so please allow me to talk about what I thought was the most interesting part of the 2DMV:
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This part, with the jester boy on the moon with balloons. Please ignore the YouTube time bar I don’t know how to get rid of it While the entire 2DMV is gorgeous and bears rewatching one million times, it’s this part that stood out to me in conjunction with the lyrics. Specifically, the strings of the balloons stood out to me, after reading and participating in this post by @/getwonderhoyd. It discussed the symbolism of Tsukasa and the marionette strings in comparison to Mafuyu, and how their tight wind around his fingers implied the tight grasp he has on controlling his situation.
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He has that same winding grasp on the balloons. But what are the balloons?
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While not all of them are direct depictions of the Wonderland Sekai, many of them also are. The ones that aren’t all seem to be related to stories Tsukasa is featured in, specifically a lot of the girls’ events for some reason? The presents seem to be from On This Holy Night, I Sing; the mermaid tail from Mermaid Adoration; and the tropical climate from A Desperate Situation?! Island Panic!. The plane, I would imagine, is from their travels abroad in Popping In My Heart, and the candy clouds balloon could either also be that event or resemble the clouds in the Smile of a Dreamer cards. I don’t remember where the scary face could be from-- I would posit either a spooky Halloween face for It’s On! Wonder Halloween or the checkered pattern could imply the phantom thieves of A Gentleman Thief’s Thrilling White Day?!. 
Anyways, Tsukasa is clutching on tightly both to the sekai and his memories with his friends. Typical. But could it go deeper than that?
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Again, the balloons are his memories. It’s good that he has them, considering his past history with memories. But here, we get some more interesting insight-- these memories are carrying the travelers. The travelers/stars are surely his troupemates, and Tsukasa believes he is carrying them with his memories. Sure, he’s carrying them with him through what he remembers, but as the leader, I think he believes that he’s the one carrying them forward. Not in a totally vain way, of course-- he loves his friends and thinks they’re all super talented, too. But there is one way that he specifically is undeniably carrying them... and that’s through the existence of his very own sekai.
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That’s why his memories of prior events and the memories of the sekai are so combined. This other post which I adore by @/wondahoiii discusses how sekais are based off of repressed feelings. This makes the Wonderland Sekai, and the fact that it’s a neverending paradise based off of solely Tsukasa’s childhood memories, kind of terrifying.
Wonderlands x Showtime has had a lot of events recently about how much they don’t want their time as a group to end, even though it inevitably will. All four of them have lyrics here about wanting to avoid an ending, while Tsukasa is the only one shown acknowledging its arrival. But, down to the name, Wonderlands x Showtime and the Wonderland Sekai are connected. Since Tsukasa and Rui would have never made up without Kaito and Miku’s help, you could argue that Wonderlands x Showtime couldn’t exist without the Wonderland Sekai. So, in a way, when the members say they don’t want “it” to end, they could also be talking about how they don’t want the Wonderland Sekai to end.
What happens when true feelings are resolved?
If Vivid Bad Squad becomes a tight foursome without envy and insecurity and surpasses RAD Weekend, would they need the Street Sekai to practice in anymore? If Kanade really does write a song that can save Mafuyu, and all the members of Nightcord become mentally healthy, would they need advice from Miku, Meiko, or anyone else anymore? Someday, More More Jump will retire from being idols, right? Would the Stage Sekai still exist, even then?
And what about Tsukasa? If he became a mentally healthy person, one who could retain and potentially regain all of his memories, and make people like Saki smile... what would happen to the Wonderland Sekai?
There’s a certain fear in being the one-man show that fuels an entire universe.
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Tsukasa will do anything to make the people he cares about smile. It’s literally the basis of the Wonderland Sekai itself. So, if the Wonderland Sekai makes Emu, Nene, and Rui smile, of course he would keep it open with all his power. Not to mention that, as reminded by the event story balloons, the Wonderlands Sekai is making his friends better people. Emu has people who unshakably care about her, Nene is overcoming her stage fright, and Rui feels understood and appreciated for the first time ever, thanks to the Virtual Singers inside the sekai. The Wonderland Sekai is making them better.
But at the same time, there’s a problem. As stated, the Wonderland Sekai consists of every happy childhood memory Tsukasa has repressed. For the Wonderland Sekai to exist, Tsukasa has to repress these memories, or else they wouldn’t be “emotions never expressed.” While I would never say that Wonderlands x Showtime was unhealthy for Tsukasa, it’s possible that, to a point, the Wonderland Sekai is. If he wants to reclaim his memories, he has to let the Wonderland Sekai go.
He has to be the one to bring about the catastrophic end.
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It’s not just that Tsukasa wants to keep up a happy attitude so that no one will worry about him, or through some sense of pride at being the unshakable leader with masterful skills of pretending. It may be that Tsukasa is worried that if he shows even a crack, so will the world they’ve come to love. You know-- the one that Hasn’t Even Started Yet.
Which is why Tsukasa will never let go of those balloons. The ones that only contain memories of recent events; nothing about elementary school, or middle school, or even Saki and her heart-wrenching hospital trips. Living in the present, keeping things going, ignoring the past, is the only way to keep the Wonderland Sekai alive in his mind. Until closing time comes, Tsukasa and virtual singers like Luka will share this secret. Just like how Luka is constantly falling asleep, Tsukasa, too, will fall asleep on his own needs to ensure that he’ll keep the never-ending merry-go-round spinning. He’ll give up his own happiness for the betterment of others. He refuses to express his memories in words so that he can bear the burden of carrying the travelers by his side.
For the ultimate sacrifice... the show must go on!
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idaaadivock · 8 months ago
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not to talk about dune on main but like. lisan al-gaib became an instant meme in the theater i was at. like great acting amazing music (thank you hans zimmer you're a real one) phenomenal photography and setting and fight choreography
but stilgar's LISAN AL-GAIB in every circumstance possible was so funny it made the whole theater erupt into laughter directly after the fight with feyd-rautha which is supposed to be like. poignant ig and powerful and an overall vibe
y'all hit the wrong vibe besties 😭😭
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fvckw4d · 6 months ago
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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