#i do think they are reflective of some very big problems in the lesbian community considering how common they are

[lem0nademouth]

finally ripping the bandaid off and saying my worst, most violent experiences of my queerness have been in interactions with the lesbian community. y’all need to get your shit together.

[olderthannetfic]

I don't get my fandom. They want more queer rep. The main cast is a bisexual femme woman with a preference for women, an aroace gender-indifferent AMAB man, a genderfluid all-pronouns using AMAB person with a beard who wears a dress, and a biromantic asexual bigender AMAB man who is agender + male. The supporting cast has a lesbian girl, a middle-aged ace het woman living semi-romantically with another woman who is the main cast's (emotional) adoptive mom, and a ambiguously queer character whose gender is never really confirmed or discussed.

A big criticism I also see is "the writing team is all cishet". One, we don't know that, someone could be closeted. Two, why is that a problem? I think it's great that they went, "this makes sense for who this character is. We don't have to force them to be cishetallo just because that's what you normally see in animation. Web animation can be different. This is who this person is and that's fine."

I'm 19. I talked to my half brother, who is 38, about this and he actually choked on his coffee. He said when he was my age, nothing like this was easily accessible for him. It would have been jaw-dropping representation for him. I asked about the writers being cishetallo and he said, "who fucking cares? I would've moved Heaven and Earth to see these characters hanging out and just fucking existing back then!"

I know you get a metric fuckton of asks, but I'd love to hear your take on this. You've been in the queer community way longer than I have (I've barely started interacting with queer people IRL; I grew up in rural Wyoming) and I do wonder what this debacle looks like to people in other age groups. I'd also be curious to know what older people would've thought if they'd seen this friend group in media when they were younger. I know it means a lot to me. But I feel like I don't get what it would have meant back then.

--

Well, written up like this, it might get an eye-roll for sounding like Captain Planet casting. (You know "One of A and one of B and one of C" in a way that feels kind of forced.)

But yes, I think most older queer people when looking at the actual canon would be like "Sweet! A cast full of queer characters!"

I grew up somewhere shockingly liberal for the 90s next door to some old, married lesbians (who still live there, as it happens). It still sucked for teenagers. I had an okay time, but I was always hearing about other teens having an awful time even as the adults in the same communities did okay. And that's a very, very good version of what it was like in the 90s.

I did have access to queer media, vastly more access than most teens had. It was still mostly art films, boring coming out memoir, and The Pain of Being a Minority serious literature. What I wanted was genre fiction with a romance b-plot between queer characters I found hot. There was a bit of that, but not much.

I don't know that I personally would have killed for the exact set of queer rep in a modern show, but that makes sense. There are plenty of identities that present about the same but where people have internal reasons for choosing one or another. There are different forces making one queer identity or another more embattled at a given point in time. So while broadly similar queer people have always existed, there actually are fads in identity to an extent. (This is different from "wharrgarbl, the blue hairs with their pronouns!!!", which is just people being ahistorical assholes.) Modern media does and should reflect these differences. It might be for me, but it's going to be for 40-something me, not teenage me if it's coming out right now. If it's for current teens, it's not for teen me.

But yeah, in a general sense, I agree with your brother: "Damn, we have so much today! That's cool!"

The kvetching is usually people being angry that it's not representing their exact slice of queerness instead of someone else's. Or, let's be honest, a lot of it is "You didn't make my ship happen! How dare?!" dressed up as activism.

...

One thing I will say is that teenagers were extremely dramatic in my day too, and black-and-white thinking was just as common. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is not new. Yes, your fandom is full of idiots, but I wouldn't read too much into it.

[fiddleturnips]

At this point I should seriously just drop the pretense of writing fanfiction and make this whole thing an original narrative. Anyway, here's Stan and Ford and the Lesbians:

Note: this story is playing fast and loose with pronouns and queer culture. This is to reflect the fact that these are two cishet men in a lesbian space in the 1980s. It's intentionally written to come off as ignorant, but well-meaning. The narrator is unreliable.

Stan has been getting used to the new routine with Emma-Mae and Fiddleford. They love him, he loves them, and he never knew that you could love family life so much.

But: he is still very much a heterosexual man being thrown into a homoromantic relationship for the first time. Some things are going over his head, and he's struggling to really understand them. He talks to Ford about this; since Ford isn't in the same bedroom situation, all of the others tend to vent their frustrations to him. In this particular instance, Stan is struggling to really know how to take care of a partner who does not like to be touched sexually, but loves to touch others. It feels unfair and imbalanced. It feels like Fiddleford might not really be a part of the sexual experience in the same way, like he might feel left out or used if things continue this way.

Ford, as we have established, has a rather extensive book knowledge of queer culture -- despite having very little sexual, romantic, or gender experience himself. Ford does not fully understand how Fiddleford feels, but he has an idea of who might be able to help.

The problem is... he also fears that to ask for help would be an intrusion. He knows that this is not their community.

He knows it's a risk.

But, science demands risk, so one day, he and Stan tell the other two that they're taking a day out together as brothers, and then they drive into the city.

When they walk into the bookshop, they can feel the tension. This is not their place. They are not wanted here. They are clearly men, clearly straight, and clearly uncomfortable in this aggressively women-only environment. This is the nineteen eighties; queer subcultures can be reclusive and secretive, guarding themselves ferociously against anyone who might be on the side of the law. The fine grains of sex and gender that the 2000s developed, with its free availability of information and universal decriminalization of homosexuality, do not yet exist. Everything about these two big, scruffy, normal-looking men who are clearly not from around here clashes with the intended demographic of the store.

Ford walks up to the counter, awkward as anything. Stan tries to make himself inconspicuous by reading the shelves. The titles are strange, but no stranger than he'd seen on other shelves. They speak of a world that he is not only not part of, but has been intentionally shut out of since birth.

"Excuse me," says Ford, to the red-lipped dyke behind the counter. "I know that we aren't your usual customers, but we're looking for some information that I don't think I can get anywhere else."

She stares at him like he's speaking a different language. There is a second woman, a high femme in heals and perfect hair, who watches with the sort of open, disdainful curiosity you'd see at a zoo. Ford feels small and out of place, but he continues, lowering his voice like they're in a library.

"M-my brother, he has recently entered a, um, a relationship, and h-his partner is - well, his partner does not like to be touched. And I know m-men must experience this sort of thing often enough, but, ah, I have only heard of the phenomenon among women."

The moment, the very moment Ford genders Stan's partner - the moment the ladies realize that these two brothers are not intruders in their space, but pilgrims seeking help - everything changes. The femme woman's eyebrows raise in curiosity, the red-lipped cashier's face becomes animated and attentive.

"Hey, Jay, these guys might be up your alley!"

To Ford's shock, the person who emerges is a man. No, wait - she's... ? Ford does not know if the person who emerged is a man or a woman. He reminds himself yet again that this is not a place where you assume, and that the person very well might not be considered either. This individual, presumably a butch lesbian but perhaps something else, radiates steadiness like the captain of a ship. Ford is suddenly certain that this is the one in charge here.

"How can I help you?" the person asks. The voice is a low alto, or perhaps a high tenor. It does not help.

"My name is Stanford Pines," Ford says, hoping that the use of a real name will be seen as a peace offering - you know me and I am not asking to know you. "This is my brother."

"They're looking for some stone materials," the Femme says to the newcomer. "They seem cool."

The newcomer regards him for a moment, then nods. "You familiar with this kind of stuff?"

"I am, somewhat," Ford says. He feels his shoulders sink with relief. "Only from what I've read, obviously. I do my best to be educated on sexual matters. This is new territory for my brother and his-" - Ford stumbles over the right word - "-lover."

"Yeah, gimme a sec. What's your budget?"

Ford feels even more relief. Money is much easier to exchange than good will. "Fairly high. Probably higher than Stan's patience."

Stan cringes. Ford realizes his mistake, thata first name might a private detail.

Ford swallows, though, and goes on: "But the man he's involved with is an avid reader, and likely needs the encouragement much more than either of us."

"Yeah, I'm not a big reader," Stan mumbles, blushing and hiding his head in his collar.

Their guide explores the shelves, picking out books from the stack with practiced agility. She or he or whatever the gender is brings a sizeable stack to the counter, divided into sections.

"These three are required reading. They should help you get an idea of what you're getting into," the guide says over Ford's shoulder, looking straight at Stanley - who is still avoiding the counter. "The green one is a pretty easy read. I usually give it to younger girls. This is one I've recommended to guys with dicks before. These two are just general use, good to have in the house."

"Ah, I recognize a couple of these," Ford says, beginning to feel more comfortable as the talk gets academic. The femme raises an eyebrow at him, and he shrinks back again.

He's an outsider, he reminds himself again. Don't get too haughty.

They check out. Ford pays in cash. He leaves a sizeable tip, not really caring if it was wanted or expected but knowing that money leaves a mark.

As he rejoins Stan and they begin to walk out, Stan says:

"Do you think he'll go for it?"

And Ford replies:

"Stanley, you know he'll do anything as long as you're the one to ask it of him."

And then, from behind him, a high tenor (or low alto) voice says:

"Wait."

They stop in the doorway and turn back.

The captain of the shop is leaning against the counter. She stares intensely at Stan. She points at him.

"Come here," she says.

Stan swallows. He's never been this intimidated in his life. He walks back toward the counter. This weird lesbian bookmonger commands more respect from him than his own father ever did at his scariest.

Ford, in a moment of cowardice, hangs back.

"Tell me about him."

Stan pushes his hands deep in his pockets. His eyes shift away. He swallows again; his throat is dry.

"He's, uh, he's cute. And real nice. Not like anyone I've had before."

"Is it your first time with a man?"

Stan nods.

"What your brother just said - what was he talking about?"

"Well." Stan looks at the shelves. He looks at the ceiling. He's suddenly protective of his lover, doesn't want to speak badly of him. "He's amazing. Nobody better make fun of him, alright? Don't care if you're a lady or not, sorry I really can't tell, but I'll clock you hard if you make fun of him."

She laughs hard at that low in her chest. The lipstick cashier grins wide.

"Let's say not a lady," she - he? - says. "But on my honor, I won't speak bad about your boy."

"He-" Stan takes his hands from his pockets and begins to play with his sleeves. "He's been through some shit. And he needs someone to take care of him. And he loves it so much, it makes him real happy when I'm there."

Beginning like that, baring his heart to this total stranger, does something to Stan. It does something more than alcohol, more than long sleepless nights on the road. And suddenly, all at once, it's pouring out of his heart, out of his mouth, stinging his eyes, the words are swallowing up the entire rest of the world:

"And he deserves the whole fucking world, you know? He likes it when I order him around a bit, but not, like, all dirty and mean about it, he just likes knowing he's safe, and that I got him, he can let go for a while. He, he trusts me so much, like nothing else, he's like a little baby bird or something or, or a puppy, just needs someone to remind him it's okay. And I'd do anything to take care of him, nobody ever gets to hurt him again if I'm around. But he's kinda, he, he needs it, y'know?"

Stan suddenly looks up, because he needs to see it in this bookstore butch's face, needs to know that he understands, that there's sympathy, and what Stan finds there is the rapt attention of someone who one hundred percent knows exactly what Stan is saying.

"He never knows when to quit! He forgets to take care of himself, and he gets caught up in his head or the nightmares when they get bad, and sometimes I just gotta - I just gotta tell him, y'know? Tell him to sit down and eat something, or go sleep and I've got him while he does, and he, well, he listens to me, y'know? He does what I say. Even when I'm dumb sometimes, way dumber than he is, he, he looks up to me like I'm a fucking rabbi or something, and then he does anything I tell him, and that's, that's, that's terrifying. Dumb idiot like me, and I have the most amazing guy in the whole world and I just, I'm scared of breaking him. Scared I'll screw up, like I screwed up everything else. But I can't, I ain't gonna screw this up. I'll do anything not to screw it up."

Stan runs out of steam. The lipstick cashier is tearing up and pressing her own cheek with one hand. The femme has an arm around her.

"Oh, honey," the femme says, the first words from her mouth this whole time. It's high and bright and as pretty as the rest of her.

Stan drops his head, embarrassed, sure he looks like a stupid sap, the uggliest guy in this damn bookshop, pressing back the tears so hard his cheeks hurt.

The bookmonger puts a strong, heavy hand on Stan's shoulder. Then he lifts it and cuffs Stan's head.

"Hey," he says. "We're all scared. It's worth being scared. It's totally, one hundred percent worth it. And you? I can tell you're gonna be great. Even if you screw it up, remember how you feel right now, and remember that you have something right now that most people never have in their lives. Even if you lose him someday, you remember that."

Stan squeezes his hands into fists. "I don't want to lose him."

The bookmonger shrugs. He doesn't argue.

"Well, anyway," he says.

He grabs a pencil and paper, scribbles an address and the name of a shop on it, tears it off and hands it to Stan. "You head to these guys, you tell them some of what you just told me, about how this guy relies on you to order him around some and how you don't wanna screw it up. They'll help you out."

Stan reads the paper, puzzled. It is embarrassingly obvious from the name that this is a sex shop.

"Uh, okay," he says.

"Now get out," the bookmonger says, although there is little force in the words.

Stan leaves with Ford. As they go, the femme's voice carries: "Oh, they're adorable."

The bookmonger replies: "Eh. Give it time."

Outside on the sidewalk, Ford holds the books in one arm, and they look down at the address. It's a few blocks away, easy enough to reach on foot.

"Well," says Stan, "can't be any more embarrassing than this was."

-

Part Two shall come whenever I have the time and motivation

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Bimonthly Media Roundup

-Frieren (Anime) - Finished up Frieren quicker then I thought I would, mostly because I had been previously watching at a more leisurely pace in line with its themes of taking your time - but then I hit the magic exam arc and binged the remaining show in a couple days. What can I say, as much as I respected the slower pace and steady character moments of the first half, exam type narratives that require the protagonists to complete unusual tasks and solve riddles while competing against various unknown and interesting new characters are always fan favorites for a reason - It's interesting to see how different types of people try to solve the same problem. This apparently might be the most we get from Frieren for awhile anime wise, so my conclusive thoughts for now are thus: Frieren and Fern are very well written and compelling characters individually and seeing their bond grow over the different stages of Ferns life is pretty unique and cute. Fern and Starks growing romance is also quite cute and remarkably believable. The themes of enjoying your time and community are ones I agree with. The animation and music were top notch and while the pacing can take getting used to I think anyone not averse to fantasy anime can find something to enjoy here. Good stuff!

-Tango & Cash (Movie) - Two-parter with the next movie in a Kurt Russell themed St Pattys day party. I don't think it was a very good movie as the plot was generic, the ending felt unfinished, and while I liked a couple of lines the dialogue was mostly corny one liners, but I did like the actors performances as all three of the leads were pretty charming and seemed to be having a good time. You do get to see Kurt Russell in drag which I can't say about any other film. I don't really recommend watching this unless your a big Kurt Russell/Sylvester Stallone fan but I don't regret watching it either.

-Big Trouble in Little China (Movie) - 2nd movie for the Kurt Russell line up, this one I actually quite like. Its self aware, it's stupid, it's goofy, it features random supernatural elements that are never adequately explained that add to the "wha???" factor of the film, it mixes intentionally awful effects with pretty nice sets, it's great. The best part is of course putting it on at a party for people who haven't seen it so you can see them react to the increasingly insane elements of the film. I wouldn't put it on the same level as EEAAO or anything where the insane elements grow into a profound and memorable narrative, but BTiLC isn't really trying for that and works as a silly parody of kung fu movies. You should watch it at least once, preferably with no context.

- Pokemon (Video Game) - This is mostly because I've been seeing a resurgence of Submas content on my dash lately. While I can't say I really understand why they were the big takeaway from Arceus given how many neat characters that game introduced, I can't say I dislike them. I've grown fond of doomed sibling dynamics lately and the "Dark intimidating twin is secretly very nice vs the light friendly looking twin is secretly mean" dynamic is fun. Plus Ingo's presence in Hisui is still hilarious to me, Pokemon God threw 1/2 the set of a random American Subway worker into ancient Japan and then never fixed or acknowledged the situation again. Incredible. Anyway I've seen some good art.

- Mage and Demon Queen (Webcomic) - Finished up this fantastic Dragon/Human yuri webcomic, and gotta say I'm quite impressed with it. It subverted a lot of my expectations for these types of stories: having the characters reflect on how their actions affect others and work to be better, featuring likable characters of both genders, letting the protagonist and love interest have important and meaningful relationships outside of eachother whose development we get to actually see, having an actually interesting plot with twists and turns, and featuring a likable transwoman lesbian character who's not demonized or fetishisized by the narrative but allowed to exist outside of a typical trans narrative. Obviously I adore both Malori and Vel both character and design wise and find their relationship adorable. I also love the demon generals and their fun monster designs and found family dynamic. The humor is very very good as well, one of the funnier webcomics I've read with how often the characters recognize and indulge in the absurdity of their situations or just goof around for levity's sake. Overall I have very little complaints, this has been one of my favorite f/f focused media I've consumed and I'd love it got an English physical print release or an anime adaptation. Also spoilers but perfect endings all around, I love when peace wins, monsters are empathized with, and we get a significant time skip to see how our hero's happy ever afters are going. 10/10 would read again.

- The Apothecary Diaries (Anime) - Been hearing great things about this for awhile and finally jumped into it, became instantly hooked. What if House MD was set in imperial china's complicated political court and starred an autistic little chinese girl who has a Haruhi-Tamaki dynamic with the most beautiful and fruity man in the palace. What if there was genuinely engaging mysteries that are solved with medical knowledge and not some random anime twink with mind reading powers. What if the animation was gorgeous and the women were well written. Really great start so far, excited for more.

- Yu-Gi-Oh (Anime) - This is mostly here as I've had the abridges series on in the background while I work, though I am considering actually reading or watching the real one. Or maybe I won't I don't know. I don't care very much about the card game elements but I do think the dynamic of "Cursed ancient Egyptian spirit posses a guys body to play messed up death games but it's fine because the guy is cool with it actually" is one of the funniest and most compelling character dynamics characters can have. I also just appreciate the incorporation of Egytian elements as I think its a very aesthetically neat location that isn't used alot, though I can't speak to the accuracy of the representation. The hair is also alot. Most anime hair you could possibly have.

- One Piece (Anime) - Mostly through Whole Cake, and while I wouldn't put it in my favorite arcs it's been good so far. The emotional stuff with Sanji's backstory and his relationship with Luffy is really good stuff, Big Mom's backstory was shockingly dark even after getting used to One Piece's messed up world, I like the complicated relationships amongst Big Moms children and Pudding and Katakuris designs are great for one. I also really like this location, Brook getting a chance to shine, the fact that Jinbei's back and everyones outfits. That being said the pacing is getting worse, I like most of what is happening I just wish it happened in a more concise manner.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Been really enjoying the potion making event, I love meticulously placing the ingredients to get the most use out of the space, mixing and matching the pretty little potions, and guessing from the descriptions what types of potions people need. I'm sure it will go away after the event but I wish it would stick around, it's definitely my favorite non-story event I've been around for.

Listening To: Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Hey I Don’t Work Here by Tom Cardy, Crazy by Walk Off The Earth, How Did You Love by Shinedown, Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan, Feast or Famine from Starkid Productions, Ruthlessness from EPIC, Turn the Lights Off by Tally Hall, No One Else Is Singing My Song from Crazy Ex Girlfriend, The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives, You Didn't Know by Andrew Underberg

[catysharksstuff]

Femininity

In the year 2023, what even is “femininity”?

I have always identified as female, but I couldn’t tell you why exactly that is. As in, is it because I was born in the 70s and that decade was very binary in terms of what a baby “was”? And then did I just grow up that way? And had I been born in a different decade, or into a different family, would I have identified differently?

I’m not sure that’s the full story, honestly. Even as a young kid I was absolutely, stereotypically feminine. All the girlish trappings were either mine or what I desperately wanted. Pink was my favourite colour, Barbie was my favourite toy. I wanted to grow up to be a ballet dancer, or, failing that, an ice dancer. My favourite show was a VHS tape my grandfather made for me called, according to the crusty, self-adhered strip, “dance, then Kirov ballet”, where bless his old Scottish heart, he had faithfully taped any bit of dance that floated across his television, for his small granddaughter all the way across the world in Pakistan. As a kid, I loved being a girl and I never thought of being otherwise.

It probably helped that I was an adorably pretty young ‘un. I had big blue eyes and blonde hair, preferred dresses to shorts, and the most devastating thing that happened in my young life was when, some time around the age of six or seven, my mother CUT OFF MY HAIR, and when it grew back it was BROWN not BLONDE, and I cried because I was suddenly “ugly”.

Funny, thinking back on it. Was that when all my problems with being a girl originated? Maybe. At least my recollection of my youth is that there was a clear demarcation from when I was “happy and petty” to when I was “sad and ugly” and at some definitive point that was the switch that was made. Looking back, of course, it was never so simple and the before/after likely had more to do with moving (fourth international move by age seven) from Pakistan to the UK. But reflecting, I do think it’s curious that my first thoughts about femaleness - or femininity at any rate (is there a difference? I think there might be) centred on my physical appearance. As in: how I looked, rather than who I was or how I behaved.

Because, for me back then, I don’t think femininity manifested particularly anywhere else. I was as loud as the boys, as argumentative, as boisterous. I didn’t think of myself as a lesser being, and I was well aware that I was a smart kid. Very clever. Annoyingly clever. And I was funny (or I liked to think I was). Now, I don’t know if any of that makes me more or less” feminine” in the tropey sense of the word. But it seems to me that femininity is often associated with gentleness, delicacy, meekness, shyness maybe, or being retiring. That was never me, but it didn’t matter because I was so pretty and cute and pink and blonde. Being a girl was about looking girlish.

That’s not that strange though, perhaps. To my (albeit very uninformed) understanding, gay and lesbian communities still disaggregate somewhat into the “butch” and the “femme” stereotypes, and that seems to go along with appearance. I’m occasionally mistaken for a lesbian. Hilariously so, sometimes. Like those who have mis-categorized me have done so with absolute confidence. Without hesitation. And they tend to be aghast when they learn I am straight, like maybe I tricked them?

So, I wonder what it is that leads them to draw such a conclusion. My brusqueness, maybe? My apparent confidence (assuredly all baloney)? Or is it that I travel solo quite happily? I’m independent and used to figuring shit out for myself (but so are a lot of women! More so than men I would hazard!). And I do also wonder if it’s an attitude thing, or an appearance thing? Because, although I do still love stereotypically feminine things like clothes and shoes and needlework and celebrity gossip: that’s by far and away not my only interests. And those who have done the mis-characterization have more often than not been strangers or very recent acquaintances. Which leads me to think it’s more likely that I appear…less feminine? Or less stereotypically, hetero normatively feminine?

I mean, I ‘m tall and big. Big hands, big limbs, hefty calves and arms and hips. But I also have a pretty classically womanly shape: “like a cello” - as described by a man I dated briefly. I don’t think I’m manly, exactly, although I am not delicate in any way. Would I like to be though? Yes, in some ways I would. I’d like, for example, for my hands to be smaller so that I could actually wear women’s gloves that fit my fingers. It would be nice to have slightly smaller feet, too, since size 10 seems to sell out very quickly (but at least I don’t have to contend with the challenges of being bigger than a 10 - sizes for which shoes are not made unless they are hideously ugly). I would definitely like to have slimmer upper arms, so shirts and tops fit more comfortably. And holy hell I would like to have less annoying hair in places where hair is “not to meant to grow on a woman” (chinhair, anyone?). But I’d like these things, only not at the expense of my strong shoulders and juicy boobs and high arches. So it’s all a bit of this and a bit of that, and who knows what actually constitutes “being feminine”.

It’s such a double…triple…quadruple…edged sword. The very idea of being feminine is at once, for me, incredibly alluring and utterly repulsive. No doubt there’s deep psychological reasons for that, but there’s also the simplicity of not wanting to be fucking categorized, thank you very much. Why can’t I just be exactly what I am? Etc. Etc. Which is a very 2023 thing to say, I’m aware. But I also still belong to that older time where categorizing people was what we did, what we felt we naturally had to do in order to make sense of our world and our surroundings. So - yes - I define myself as female and I am happy enough to be a woman. But what being a woman means, in 2023, is less clear to me. And also, as I get older, it seems as though it becomes somewhat less relevant? Or maybe it’s that as I get older, and get more responsibility in my working life and find harmony in my personal life, the need to belong to a certain category seems less important.

These days I think I’m more “Cate”. Cate the Wife. Cate the Aunt. Cate the Boss. Cate the Friend. Cate the Public Servant. Cate the Sage. Cate the Football-Watching-Banter-Flipping-Buddy. Cate the Gymrat. Cate the So Tired So Old So Crumpled Up In A Heap With No Bandwidth Left But To Scroll Wanly Through Instagram Tapping A Heart On Every Non-ad Contribution.

By which I mean that I’m a whole lot of other disparate identities other than “female”, and I obviously always have been. And it seems that different identities come forward and retreat at different times in my life for a whole host of different reasons. These days my femininity is more important to me in the ways it feeds my empathy and relationship with other women in the ways that we are women and what that means for ourselves and our bodies. And for my relationship, too, certainly, but really only because we have ascribed our genders as we have and not because we necessarily need each other to perform Male or Female to each other. But then I also very, very much enjoyed Friday when I took myself to the mall and spent some of my hard earned allowance on new (pretty!) clothes and skin care and makeup.

It’s still an unequal world, and one in which women are still subjugated and oppressed in ways we as a humanity should have grown beyond. But that’s a much deeper topic and perhaps quite separate to “femininity”. So what is it? And like everything when we get to the point, femininity is whatever you think it is.

[rainbowsky]

I honestly don’t see how you look at web and all his hobbies etc and see a non straight man.

How to say this gently, Anon...

Hobbies do not determine sexual orientation, nor do they express it. In fact, hobbies rarely have anything whatsoever to do with sexual orientation. Maybe if your hobby is having sex... 🤔

Do you think all gay men are into ballet and baking? Do you think all straight men are into logging and duck hunting?

Sexual orientation is not about what we like to do in our spare time, it's about who we are in love with and who we like to fuck.

The fact that DD is into skateboarding has zero relevance to who he is attracted to. Zero.

And that should be abundantly obvious. Learning to change the oil in your car or training in judo doesn't make you a lesbian. Being a straight woman doesn't automatically make you want to spend your life barefoot and pregnant.

What you are talking about is not sexual orientation, but rather traditional gender roles.

Look at the women around you and what they're into. Do you think that female mechanics, surgeons or firefighters must be gay as well? Of course not. We all (rightfully) champion women who break gender stereotypes and go into fields they love rather than traditionally 'feminine' fields. Only the most hateful people would ever call those women 'gay' for doing what they love to do.

Who people love has nothing to do with what kind of activities they enjoy.

Stereotypes are not just inaccurate, they're harmful

You might not be aware of it, Anon, but your comment reflects an extremely harmful (and offensive), toxic stereotype - not just about gay men, but about masculinity in general.

Women often complain about 'toxic masculinity'; about men being too macho, pushy and aggressive, and unable to deal with emotions. All of that is due to stereotypes that men are trying to live up to.

When you say or even think, "Real men are into motorcycles," you are artificially limiting what men are allowed to be into and still be thought of as men.

That's how you end up with all these straight male parents who are shit fathers who can't even change a diaper and refuse to do any housework. Men who won't ask for directions and who refuse to try yoga or wear pink. If a man admitting that he loves doing laundry leads to people essentially cutting his balls off, there's no way you're going to get that guy to do laundry. If a man who is sensitive and kind is no longer seen as a man, he's going to be a dick so he can keep his dick.

Masculine stereotypes are a massive problem in the gay community. Gay men are constantly having their masculinity questioned/threatened, which has led to an obsession with having the perfect muscled body, has led to major ongoing self esteem issues in men, and has led to ostracization of effeminate men in the gay community. Effeminate gay men are often treated nearly as badly in the gay community as they are in the straight community.

That's a big part of why your assertion that DD must be straight because of his hobbies is so completely ridiculous. Gay men are very often as macho and manly as straight men, in part because we have something to compensate for. We have to push back against the emasculating attitude people have toward us as gay men.

This man is very gay:

This man is straight:

This football player is gay:

This figure skater is straight:

Anon, I know you probably don't mean to be offensive, but your attitude reflects a very poor understanding of sexual orientation - one that harms gay people. Gender roles and expectations have nothing to do with who we love or are attracted to. They are two completely separate things. Gay stereotypes are actually very homophobic and harmful.

Fear of having our gender identity erased if we're queer is often what leads people to stay in the closet, or to repress our sexual orientation completely. It leads some gay men to attack other gay men who have more effeminate or androgynous traits. It leads to widespread excessive dieting, anorexia, over-exercising and body image issues among gay men. It leads to self loathing, depression - even suicide.

So I hope that you'll do some reflecting on this, explore these issues more deeply and educate yourself. Not only so that you will stop thinking harmful things about gay people, but also so that you can liberate yourself from gender stereotypes and gender role expectations in your own life, and feel free to express yourself more broadly.

It's interesting, because this is one of the first questions I was asked when I started this blog over a year ago. I guess it's still an issue in the fandom...

EDIT: Please do not pile on Anon in the comments or via my inbox. Not everyone has equal access to reliable, accurate sex education. Let's try to be charitable and understanding.

[eyra]

Hi! I hope these aren't too personal or uncomfortable, please ignore if so.

When and how did you realise you are bisexual?

Are you out to your family and friends? If yes, was it hard for you to come out?

Are there any queer couples in books or movies or other media that you think are a good representation of the community?

I don’t mind answering these at all! Always happy to talk about stuff like this in the hope that maybe one person reading will take something positive from it that will help them on their own journey, even if just in a very small way.

1. Started suspecting in my late teens. Couldn’t really say how - I had like a whole Kristen Stewart phase and I guess at some point I had the whole “do I want to be her or do I just fancy her?” dilemma to contend with. Then I met a girl when I was 20. Matters progressed. I ended up totally falling in love with her but honestly struggled for a good couple of years with like… processing what that meant for me and who I was. I’d always been a very outspoken LGBT+ ally but suddenly when it applied to me personally I realised I had a lot of work to do. That’s internalised homophobia for ya. Fortunately I am now a very proud bisexual and I love that journey for me.

2. I am! It was both very easy and very hard to come out to my dad. We have so many gay and lesbian family friends so I knew that he would have no issue whatsoever with it in theory, but I still really built it up in my head and convinced myself he was going to react badly. I drank several gin and tonics, cried, told him, and he was… literally fine. I mean he’s a Yorkshireman of few words so we didn’t stay up all night having a heart-to-heart about it or anything, but yeah I mean… no issues whatsoever. All my close friends know and again, I’ve not come across any problems with them. The one place I do keep it quiet is at my job - it’s just not something I want to share with some of the people I work with.

I answered a question earlier and claimed that interactions in my fics generally aren’t based on real life experiences. Not entirely true, on reflection - my coming out story has tangible Beneath a Big Blue Sky energy.

3. Alex Claremont-Diaz in Red, White & Royal Blue is genuinely (for me) the best bisexual rep I’ve come across. I really love his character and his journey and I just… yeah, no notes. Bisexual representation in films and television has historically been pretty terrible, and I can’t really think of any decent examples that actually got it right. I’m sure they exist, somewhere - but I haven’t seen them.

[dakotadawn]

You responded to exactly zero points of the previous anon; instead you went on and on about some cotton ceiling conspiracy theory designed to paint the trans community as full of rapists (despite our actual very obvious relationship to sexual assault — usually the receivers, not the perpetrators. I know you know this. You’re a clever girl). Yes, there are idiots saying dumb shit online — “you don’t know until you try it” “you’re transphobic if you wouldn’t sleep with a trans person” etc, but of course you see these so often when you place yourself in radfem circles, and completely ignore the vast majority of the trans community who wouldn’t want somebody “not attracted to trans people” to sleep with them under any circumstances. You have been radicalised into believing the group of people you belong to is a threat to cis women, much like racial minorities were tricked into voting for Trump, or unionist Northern Irelanders believe that they are safer and better cared for under British rule. Twitter idiots are not “trans rights activists” they’re morons who think that pronouns equate to sexuality, and log on to make that everybody else’s problem. The truth is more complicated than that.

The thing is, there are many people who fully identify as heterosexual (or homosexual) who date trans people who identify as the gender they’re attracted to. Hundreds; thousands, probably millions, even. Your assertion that very few people other than bisexuals would consider sleeping with trans people is tangibly incorrect, and there is evidence all around you in culture. Just because your claims are unfalsifiable doesn’t make them right (It’s the oldest fallacy in the book!)

You can decry them all as in the closet, repressed, in denial as much as you like, but it doesn’t change the tangible facts: 1. Sexuality is not a monolith, nor a scientific idea but a social one that changes through history and culture (though yes, has a biological element) and 2. you are not the arbiter of what words mean — nor is any individual. As a trans woman, I’ve not really ever had a problem with lesbians not liking me, especially in those big LGBT cities. A little more before HRT, but honestly? Barely. It’s a deal breaker for some, and that’s fine. Most trans people are cool with that. The existence of incels within our limitless community should not and cannot define the many many consensual relationships between trans people and cis people who aren’t bisexual.

Ask yourself honestly — what is more likely, that they are all lying, repressed, and/or closeted, or your understanding of sexuality is needlessly limited and doesn’t reflect the diverse cultural experience of it?

Alright, I'll break this down individually.

>instead you went on and on about some cotton ceiling conspiracy theory designed to paint the trans community as full of rapists

I admit this discourse exists almost entirely online. Most trans people do not think like this, but the trans community needs to call out and condemn those who do. I see few doing it, so that responsibility falls on me.

>You have been radicalised into believing the group of people you belong to is a threat to cis women

If they're not threats (I think they are threats), they're at the very least rude and nasty, and so I will call them out on it.

>The thing is, there are many people who fully identify as heterosexual (or homosexual) who date trans people who identify as the gender they’re attracted to.

I fully believe that people identify this way. Believe me, I have extended experience with men who claim to be straight being attracted to me. I just don't *believe them*. Sure, I guess that's unfalsifiable.

>As a trans woman, I’ve not really ever had a problem with lesbians not liking me, especially in those big LGBT cities. A little more before HRT, but honestly? Barely. It’s a deal breaker for some, and that’s fine.

You're telling me homosexual females decided to sleep with a male just because the male identified as a woman? *Before hormones*?! I'm calling bullshit on this one. If you still have a dick they're chasers, not lesbians.

[felassan]

Article: ‘Mass Effect & Dragon Age’s cast members on how BioWare builds dynamics’

I spoke to several figures from BioWare juggernauts Dragon Age and Mass Effect, to get a clearer idea of how those iconic team dynamics we associate with the two titles were created. [interviews]

This article is a really neat read. :) Contains character insights, behind-the-scenes info and some reflections on representation.

Some excerpts under the cut due to length:

A huge theme of these interviews, naturally, was BioWare themselves. As well as general praise for the support, the working environment, and the success of the finished product, many singled out individual directors by name, and credited BioWare’s focused approach with getting the best out of them. Hale even claimed they were “the unsung heroes,” that underpinned the whole Mass Effect trilogy. [...]

“Usually there’s almost always a BioWare writer on the line with us, usually up in Canada, when we’re recording. So you’ll have the director, me and one or two BioWare head honchos up there supervising. That’s the way that’s the way it worked on Inquisition too. There’s a really collaborative vibe.” [...]

This consistency across the recording process is likely why the calibre of performance is so high across both trilogies. “The team of writers of BioWare are extraordinary,” Nick Boulton [Male Hawke] says. “So they keep you on track pretty well. The key was having Caroline Livingston, who was directing most of it – all of it, in fact. She would be there to give context notes, and also keep me on the straight and narrow, as far as characterization went. So we were led through very well by the BioWare team.” [...]

Insight on Jack:

Courtenay Taylor describes Jack as being “a very comfortable pair of old stinky sneakers to step into,” and explains that her connection to Jack’s story was a core way she was able to bring it to life. “[Jack has] a pretty familiar psychology that I had. She was very reminiscent of how I was, to some degree, in high school. She’s putting up a barrier to get people to prove themselves, so you have to run the gauntlet in order to get the good stuff. When you’ve been abused as badly as she has, then psychologically one of the tracks you can take is ‘I will not allow myself to be vulnerable’. And that really resonated with me.”

Taylor also says that this guard Jack puts up meant that, ironically, many of the players found it easier to connect with her. “I got really great feedback from a lot of people about struggles that they had had in their personal lives,” she says.

“I think [Jack’s change between Mass Effect 2 & 3] is a smaller story, but it’s a big story for a lot of people. I have a lot of friends who had addiction problems. And quite a few of my friends give back by going back to the community that they’ve come out of, and finding people that need help. At its core, that’s a big, important through line for Jack – every one of us is worthy of love. And it doesn’t matter how difficult you are or how troubled you are or what has happened to you or what someone has done to you. You are worthy of loving and being loved.” [...]

Taylor also saw something personal in her own performance, especially since there weren’t a lot of women like Jack in popular media when Mass Effect 2 launched. “There was a huge amount of love for her because gender/appearance wise, she is something that I felt at that time had not been explored. And I know that some of the things were cut, but in what we originally recorded [Jack was pansexual], and in 2008 or 2009, there weren’t a tonne of conversations about being pansexual,” she says.

“She was a counterpoint to a lot of the other female characters. She was sort of the far end of the spectrum. You’ve got Miranda who’s beautiful and pulled together, but that only serves a certain population. And there are a lot of people that identify as women who could relate to having these feelings and these emotions – she’s not gender specific. To me, she’s angry. And I don’t know that there had been, at that time, a female character who was so not typically female, who was capable of such a range of emotions. She ended up being the permission to a whole group of people who don’t identify with that kind of woman. Because in entertainment, where did that bald girl with a flat chest who was pansexual go? Where do you fit in? And that really resonated with me. If you don’t relate to Miranda, Jack can be a really nice option.”

Insight on Josie:

It’s a sentiment echoed by Allegra Clark, who used a major tragedy in her own life as motivation for the siege of Haven in Dragon Age: Inquisition. “I think the first time you really start to get to know [Josephine] as a person is when she talks about Haven after the attack. That conversation she has about the first people to jump in and protect people being the workers, and how she’s just watching everything be destroyed. I was actually thinking about 9/11, as a New Yorker. So that was a very personal moment for me. But it was those little moments where she starts to open up and blossom that you get to see her as a person.” [...]

For Clark though, those boundaries were much more personal. “When I was told I had booked Josephine, I was just like, ‘I’m a companion in a BioWare game, and a romanceable companion at that’,” Clark says. “I recognised going in that people were going to connect really hard to this character. People are going to have entire playthroughs that are based around romancing Josephine. She helped me explore my own bisexuality, and that is always the thing that that warms my heart the most when people come to me about my LGBTQ+ characters, and say ‘they helped me understand parts of my own identity’. I actually wasn’t out of the closet publicly, or even to parts of my family when I started recording Inquisition. So it was interesting, getting to tell essentially part of my story as well. Before even being able to say to the world ‘hi, I’m bi’ – though all the signs were there. I was in a relationship with another woman at the time. It’s like ‘oh my God, they were roommates!”

Zevran:

While all were full of praise for BioWare’s writing and working environment, the love of actually playing the game was exclusive to Clark. Most others admitted they had never played at all; Curry confessed he had no idea if Zevran was even alive [as he hasn’t played]

Sam Traynor:

“I think Traynor was revolutionary in what she was doing at the time,” Wilton Regan says. “What was so different about Traynor was she wasn’t romanceable for either gender, you had to be playing as FemShep to choose a lesbian love option . And that was so brave of them to do at the time. But it brought us leaps and bounds forwards, because having that inclusivity then makes it just easier for the next game, and for the game today. And now it’s a standard – you should be representative of all sexualities if there are romance options in your games, and increasingly major games pretty much always have some sort of gay, bisexual, lesbian or heterosexual choice. It might not be as fluid as all of the spectrum of sexual choices, but you’ve got a strong variety in comparison to where it was 20 years ago, for example.”

Sam Traynor and Josie:

Part of representing groups that don’t often get representation in video games is that your character gets to become a role model, and that’s something Wilton Regan and Taylor have particularly fond experiences of. “It’s quite flattering and quite lovely to think about,” Wilton Regan says. “I’ve had a lot of lesbians who are coming out of the closet or coming to terms with their sexuality, who’ve come up to me and said that playing FemShep and romancing Traynor was a really big part of that. And lots of bisexual women as well. There’s something just very beautiful about the idea that BioWare has put so much faith and trust in me over the years with these really pivotal roles, and these big, beautiful characters. I feel very humbled by that. Very, very humbled.”

Meanwhile, Taylor wasn’t even sure people would like Jack, so finding out how deeply people related to her was a huge surprise, and she suspects that’s because Mass Effect allows her to be angry without being written off as a stereotypical, hysterical woman. “People didn’t like her when the trailer came out, and I was like, ‘Oh God, everyone’s gonna hate her!” Taylor laughs. “I was really surprised to be at a convention and have someone come up and say, ‘Can I introduce you to my nieces? They’re six and eight, and they love you’. I’m glad they have a good female role model in Jack.”

[klm-zoflorr]

Issues with the Tyzula ship that Tyzula shippers/fics typically avoid

Stereotypical Tyzula Ty Lee: “Azula-san, I completely forgive you for everything you ever did to me or my best friend and have always loved you unconditionally. I will help you become better if it means risking the quality of my life, my other relationships, my sanity, and even my life. I will magically be able to help you deal with your myriad of mental issues as if you always only needed love/affection instead of real medical help. I will always love you even if you don’t really change your behavior or worse, remain the same power hungry bitch you grew up to be. I love you ‘Zula.”

Look, I am not opposed to Tyzula for I actually think that they had a real friendship, even if there was a massive power imbalance, that got fucked up by Ozai’s abusive teachings and Azula trying to act as her sovereign and friend at the same time. But there is a tendency among Tyzula shippers/fics to make Ty Lee forgive Azula way too easily, make Azula not deal with her flaws or make (proper) amends to Ty Lee and Mai, retcon Azula into a soft baby who didn’t do anything wrong other than get abused, and/or gloss over the issues between the two.

For example, If Tyzula occurred pre-Boiling Rock like some fics imply, do you think it would have been consensual? Especially considering that there has been a massive power imbalance (Azula is Ty Lee’s Sovereign) since their childhood that Azula took advantage of even then; Azula forced Ty Lee to join her squad at firepoint; and Ty Lee is deathly scared of Azula? And if it happened post-Boiling Rock there is a massive power imbalance in favor of Ty Lee since the moment Azula “acts up” (it doesn’t have to be a big thing since Ty Lee is scarred shitless of Azula) Ty Lee can either call Zuko to jail her and/or have Aang de-bend her. There are some Tyzula fics that properly deal with, imo, the pre- and post-Boiling Rock power imbalances but most of them just gloss over them.  Not helping is the fact that comics imply that the two never had a real relationship at all and that Ty Lee is still deathly afraid of Azula, willing to chi-block Azula the moment she is anything other than docile. 

Also, how come most Tyzula shippers/fics don’t touch about LOK’s Turf Wars said about Sozin outlawing homosexuality and the implications it has for a lesbian/bisexual Azula? If Azula, who tries to be the model princess in a post-Sozin Fire Nation, can’t even realize that using fear is not a good way to maintain relationships, how would she deal with the fact that she has feelings for girls? Most of the Tyzula fics or headcanons I have read don’t seriously deal with the fact that either Azula is deep in the closet and/or suffering from serious internalized homophobia and would not likely express her sexual preferences in public unless she was in an extraordinary situation or got serious therapy plus years of self-reflection/character growth. Not to mention the fact she would be one of the leading perpetrators of homophobia by virtue of being Ozai’s right hand general/advisor.

So, do I have a valid point about how Tyzula shippers and fics often engage in abuse and/or toxic friendship/relationship apologism? Or I am just being too harsh on a group of shippers that have been vocally condemned by the greater ATLA community and most likely will never see their ship be canonized? And yes, some of my own fanfic works do contain Tyzula so feel free to call me out if I am being a hypocrite and holding people to standards that I can’t uphold.

-----------

This was a very interesting submission, Anon, and I don't think you're "in the wrong" here, even if I don't necessarily agree with you. At least you're polite, so I won't swear at you xD I'll sum up your points for clarity's sake

"Tyzula shippers make Ty Lee dumber and ready to do anything for Azula. They write stories without depth and without adressing the imbalances in their relationship"

Here's my personnal opinion on that: this kind of drama/angst is hard to write, and I don't want to waste my time for 10 chapters while they're angstying over whether or not to love each other. Mental health issues are hard to write too, and I want azula to be happy, so I can just make them dissapear. I completely acknowledge it isn't the most realistic kind of writing, but I don't care, I just want to have fun. I wouldn't pretend it's canon either.

Now, some Azula fans are just biased towards her, and like to pretend her canon character did nothing wrong and is purely a victim and is owed Ty Lee's love. I'm not gonna shit on them, in the grand scheme of things it's quite inconsequencial, but I don't think that's accurate.

"Tyzula shippers make it happen even if Azula is still a "villain" and hasn't redeemed herself for her sins"

I can link this to my first point a little, and erase all moral complexity for the funzies while acknowledging it isn't canon. But there's also the fact in ATLA, Ty Lee has little to no redemption arc herself. She just betrays azula, and then the good guys accept her and mai with no problem? We could interpret that as "she was always supporting Aang's cause and hated azula secretly since forever" but I don't think that's very correct, because Ty Lee never shows any sign of it, never talks treason, never helps the good guys while azula isn't looking (unlike mai!). The only thing that could possibly make her betray Azula, in my point of view, is seeing her other best friend almost die to her hands. And even then, it isn't a moral choice. I firmly believe Ty Lee was just as indoctrinated in the Fire Nation's ways as everyone else there. And that she actually supported her nation and obeyed Azula as her commander not only because they were friends, not only because she had to, but because she was loyal to her nation. And the only reason I can see her go to the good guys' side at the end of atla was simply because of self preservation with a side of unbrainwashing from FN propaganda

So, in conclusion, I don't think Ty Lee is a completely good character, and I don't think she has a problem with Azula's crimes.

"There is a power imbalance"

I'm not going to deny that. But who told you all relationships with a power imbalance are inherently bad? They're more likely to be toxic, but they won't always be. If the person with the upper hand is respectuous and nice, everything works out perfectly. It's more of an advice towards people who don't have the upper hand in their unbalanced relationship, and who could get taken advantage of. But Ty Lee is smarter than she looks, and I believe she would know to stay away from that.

Pre-boilling rock, there is indeed problems with them getting together, but they're not due to one of them being toxic. Azula is Ty Lee's princess, and it isn't her fault. She was literally raised to lead. And Ty Lee was raised to follow. We see that despite that, Azula still considers Ty Lee as her friend and gets her in her team in a nice way. But it isn't her fault she was raised in the middle of a war and sees the will of the fire nation as more important than anything.

Additionally, I don't think Ty Lee hated Azula, for the reasons I mentionned before.

Post-boilling rock, I just don't think Ty Lee would be scared, or cruel enough, to jail or unbend Azula for no reason. Because, again, I don't think she hates her.

"The fire nation is homophobic"

As is usual with me, I loathe the comics and don't consider this as canon. It doesn't even make sense, apart from saying "fire nation's evil, they're homophobic now too" to be honest, if anyone's gonna be homophobic it's gonna be everyone, cause there was no gay representation in atla.

Oh, and f*ck this, I hate homophobia, I don't want my fictionnal worlds to have it too. It's dumb as shit and everyone is gay in the Fire Nation. There.

"So, do I have a valid point about how Tyzula shippers and fics often engage in abuse and/or toxic friendship/relationship apologism? Or I am just being too harsh on a group of shippers that have been vocally condemned by the greater ATLA community and most likely will never see their ship be canonized?"

You do have a valid point that some tyzula shippers have the same problem as some azula stans, as in that they put her on a pedestral and say she did nothing wrong. But some also just don't want to bother with that and just want to write fluff, and that's fine. There are way worse things they could be doing.

It is true that Tyzula is kind of a controversial ship, and for this reason I don't think you should care too much about it. Bullying people never help anyone, and criticising tyzula shippers will only push them back in their fandom spaces and make them unable to tell apart genuine, objective criticism and mean bullying.

I don't want Tyzula to be canon, btw. Well. For me canon kinda stopped at the end of atla, so everything is possible after this point lol. Not that I even care much about canon.

You are not an hypocrite for liking tyzula and criticizing it. You can call out the behavior of people in your own community, it's perfectly fine and should be encouraged. I'd pay more attention to your opinion too, because I know you don't just dislike the ship and want to find any reason for it to be "problematic"

I'm gonna put that submission in the Tyzula tag, if anyone in there feels offended by that do let me know. I don't intend to shit on this ship at all. Also, if anyone wants to add points or give me perspectives I didn't think about go ahead!

[hello-nichya-here]

Issues with the Tyzula ship that Tyzula shippers/fics typically avoid

Stereotypical Tyzula Ty Lee: “Azula-san, I completely forgive you for everything you ever did to me or my best friend and have always loved you unconditionally. I will help you become better if it means risking the quality of my life, my other relationships, my sanity, and even my life. I will magically be able to help you deal with your myriad of mental issues as if you always only needed love/affection instead of real medical help. I will always love you even if you don’t really change your behavior or worse, remain the same power hungry bitch you grew up to be. I love you ‘Zula.”

Look, I am not opposed to Tyzula for I actually think that they had a real friendship, even if there was a massive power imbalance, that got fucked up by Ozai’s abusive teachings and Azula trying to act as her sovereign and friend at the same time. But there is a tendency among Tyzula shippers/fics to make Ty Lee forgive Azula way too easily, make Azula not deal with her flaws or make (proper) amends to Ty Lee and Mai, retcon Azula into a soft baby who didn’t do anything wrong other than get abused, and/or gloss over the issues between the two.

For example, If Tyzula occurred pre-Boiling Rock like some fics imply, do you think it would have been consensual? Especially considering that there has been a massive power imbalance (Azula is Ty Lee’s Sovereign) since their childhood that Azula took advantage of even then; Azula forced Ty Lee to join her squad at firepoint; and Ty Lee is deathly scared of Azula? And if it happened post-Boiling Rock there is a massive power imbalance in favor of Ty Lee since the moment Azula “acts up” (it doesn’t have to be a big thing since Ty Lee is scarred shitless of Azula) Ty Lee can either call Zuko to jail her and/or have Aang de-bend her. There are some Tyzula fics that properly deal with, imo, the pre- and post-Boiling Rock power imbalances but most of them just gloss over them.  Not helping is the fact that comics imply that the two never had a real relationship at all and that Ty Lee is still deathly afraid of Azula, willing to chi-block Azula the moment she is anything other than docile. 

Also, how come most Tyzula shippers/fics don’t touch about LOK’s Turf Wars said about Sozin outlawing homosexuality and the implications it has for a lesbian/bisexual Azula? If Azula, who tries to be the model princess in a post-Sozin Fire Nation, can’t even realize that using fear is not a good way to maintain relationships, how would she deal with the fact that she has feelings for girls? Most of the Tyzula fics or headcanons I have read don’t seriously deal with the fact that either Azula is deep in the closet and/or suffering from serious internalized homophobia and would not likely express her sexual preferences in public unless she was in an extraordinary situation or got serious therapy plus years of self-reflection/character growth. Not to mention the fact she would be one of the leading perpetrators of homophobia by virtue of being Ozai’s right hand general/advisor.

So, do I have a valid point about how Tyzula shippers and fics often engage in abuse and/or toxic friendship/relationship apologism? Or I am just being too harsh on a group of shippers that have been vocally condemned by the greater ATLA community and most likely will never see their ship be canonized? And yes, some of my own fanfic works do contain Tyzula so feel free to call me out if I am being a hypocrite and holding people to standards that I can’t uphold.

---

I don’t think you’re being a hypocrite, you’re just venting about things that annoy you about the way some shippers deal with the ship. I don’t know how that is like because I ship Zucest and there’s too little content for me to have a recurring problem with, hahahahahaha *cries*

Now, for real, the Tyzula fics I like, even the ones that portray their romance as a positive thing for both of them, deal with those issues and allow Azula to grow. I get very annoyed when some Tyzula shipers claim there was never anything wrong with their relationship. I understand wanting to take the dynamic and change it a little to make it healthier (I’ve done it myself in many of my Zucest AUs), but they need to keep in mind that it still a fanfic, it didn’t magically change canon, doesn’t make the ship “perfect”, and doesn’t give them the right to yell at other shipers who want to explore the darker possibilities of what would happen if Azula and Ty Lee got together, especially dealing with the power inballance.

The one thing that I do excuse fics for not dealing with is the supposed homophobia that started during Sozin’s reign, because that was only brought up in comics, not in the actual show, so there are people who never heard of it, people who were writing for the ship long before that, and people (like myself) who simply don’t see it as canon because the Avatar comics as a whole suck.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I'm afab, nb, and bi. I'm in a very happy relationship with a cishet man who has always been completely fine with me being bi, but me being nb disturbed him a little, because I only told him some 6 months after we got together. By now he's accepted that I'm nb and is supportive, but can't wrap his head around what that makes him - if he's straight, how can he be attracted to me, a nb person? The thing is that, being bi, I can't wrap my head around this issue because for me gender has never played a role in my attraction to someone. Do you have any advice that might help him? Thanks so much.

lol I also often struggle to understand how people can be monosexual. Blows my mind. Anyway... I’m cis, so my perspective is kinda limited in terms of how deeply I can relate to your situation. But from what I know about non-binary people who are dating binary people it’s a very individual thing whether you (as the non-binary person) are okay with your partner identifying as monosexual (gay/lesbian or straight) or not. Some are cool with it and others aren’t, afaik.

And that, I think, is one important aspect here. If he identifies as straight - is that okay for you? Or does it feel like he misgenders you? That’s a question you can only answer for yourself and whatever result you come to, it’s something you should communicate to your partner. Let’s say it doesn’t bother you at all - well then I guess the problem is solved because he doesn’t have to change anything about his labels for your comfort. But if it doesn’t sit right with you and it does feel like you’re being misgendered then it’s something you and he should try to navigate with more nuance.

If he was the one messaging us about this I would explain the following: bisexuality means attraction to more than one gender. Those genders do not have to include any or both binary genders, which means someone who is attracted to women and any number of non-binary genders can call themselves bisexual because nb genders are just as valid and “complete” in being A Gender™ as the genders man and woman. He does not have to be attracted to men in order to identify as bisexual (or heteroflexible or queer, to name some alternatives). And he, as the partner of a non-binary person, might just have to learn to accept the fact that he is not monosexual and that he has the ability to be attracted to someone who is not a woman. But in order for that to really sink in, it’s important that he fully accepts and sees you as non-binary, not as “woman light”.

I am definitely compassionate with him in the sense that this is like a ~surprise! you’re not heterosexual!~ situation that is suddenly thrown at him out of left field. It’s not a process that started organically from within himself where he realised “hey, maybe I’m interested in multiple genders, let’s explore this at my own pace” but instead his partner went “btw I’m not a woman” and now he’s probably very confused what that means for him. And it is possible that if you had never told him you are nb he may have gone his whole life never questioning his sexuality and always identifying as straight. I can’t even begin to imagine how strange that must feel for him right now.

Which is, again, why I think it’s important you both have conversations about this. Plural! this isn’t one 30 minute session and then everything is said and done. It’s probably gonna take a lot of repetition and self-reflection and going back to old topics from months ago and checking back in with each other. And it’s important that there’s nuance, patience and understanding on both sides. You shouldn’t be expected to just swallow a feeling of being misgendered (if that’s what you’re feeling) and he shouldn’t be expected to just change his sexuality label over night like it’s no big deal - because the way he’s stumbled into this situation probably does feel like a very big and unexpected deal to him. This is totally not to put any blame on you - you had your reasons for coming out to him later. I get it, it’s not your fault at all. But from his pov... he literally didn’t sign up for a sexual identity crisis so I feel like one’s gotta cut him a liiiittle slack and give him space to digest and decide if he does wanna sign up for it retroactively, you know?

I would recommend that you try to conntect with people who have made similar experiences where one partner identified as monosexual and the other partner came out as a different gender (be it non-binary or the other binary gender). Some relationships break apart because of this, others grow even stronger. Either way, I’m sure that there are some people out there who can help with some first-hand experience.

Maddie

[yurimother]

Top Yuri Anime Poll Results

Whether it is subtext or explicit, cute or sexy, school love or gay action thrillers I love yuri anime. These series either focus on or contain elements of female same-sex relationships. Pride month is the perfect time to look back and reflect on the best of this genre. I teamed up with OG Man of The Yuri Nation (yurination[dot] wordpress[dot] com/) and together we put out a poll asking what you thought the top yuri anime series were and over 1000 of you responded submitting almost 5000 different entries. We spent hours combing through the data, analyzing and commenting on the results and we would like to share our thoughts with all of you. Enjoy the reflections of me the yuri critic and OG the dedicated yuri fan!

These are the Top 20 Yuri Anime as voted by you

1. Bloom Into You - 692 Votes

OG: Be it East or West the YagaKimi took the world by storm. Citrus and BiY once again taking the top two spots remains unsurprising.There is something undeniably fascinating about our leading ladies consisting of an asexual slowly coming to love her senpai back but restraining herself for various reasons. The biggest one being said senpai having a deep case of self-loathing and a fear of romantic reciprocation, also for various reasons. She is like “I love you but please do not love me back”. Then there is one of the most popular “cursed” lesbians of all time in Sayaka, the fantastic adult side-couple (The world needs an anime starring lesbian adults/mothers) and the various other characters who have their own interesting tales to tell. The series absolutely deserves a spot in the Top 10 though it would not be in my personal Top 3. Oh and as Yurimother said the presentation was fantastic.Visually stunning from start to finish in my opinion. Special mention goes to the criminally underused first-person “camera”. So cool.

YuriMother: I agree with this series deserving a spot in the top ten even if not the number one slot. For me, it was good but not great. Moments such as the aforementioned adult couple as well as stellar art and a phenomenal score made this series enjoyable but they were not enough to overshine the problems of the narrative. For the love of the Yuri Goddess, this series is crying out for asexual representation but insists on carrying on with its confused romance. Enough complaining though, many people love Bloom Into You despite its faults and I agree. The characters are interesting and lovable and it manages to tell a yuri story more real and complex than the typical fluffy girl meets girl narratives.

2. Citrus - 452 Votes

YuriMother: The presence of Citrus and Bloom Into You prove two things to me, the importance of recency, as both anime aired only last year, and the sheer popularity of these series. Both had established and extremely successful manga runs which were adapted into English by the publishing masters of yuri, Seven Seas. Citrus is a contentious series, to say the least, as it includes elements of (non-blood related) incest and non-consensual actions as part of Mei and Yuzu’s “relationship.” However, if you possess the magical power to turn off the part of your brain screaming at you that those aspects are deeply problematic or if you seek a different interpretation then Citrus can be downright WONDERFUL. I actually loved this anime series for its characters, amazing animation, and salaciousness. As OG said, it is an operatic concussion of emotion (seriously everyone in the series needs therapy) but my is it fun to watch. The Citrus anime also holds a special place in my heart, as the first serious piece I ever wrote was a review for it over on Okazu (nice plug)! Citrus is certainly not for everyone but those that stuck with it and overlooked some of the problems ended up loving it.

OG: Here we are again with Citrus at #2. My thoughts on the series remains the same as in the previous two lists I discussed (the Akiba Research and goo Ranking Japan lists), overrated. Good soap opera/telenovela-esque series but my feelings on the cast are mixed (which I imagine was the writer’s intent). My main issue has always been the obstacles repeatedly challenging Yuzu and Mei’s feelings for each other instead of it focusing on “Hey. We like each other but our parents got married. What do we do? Can we keep our desires for each other in check?”. Instead it is one newcomer after another who want to eat either Yuzu or Mei and Yuzu repeatedly asking herself if she really wants robo-stepsister patties? I will give the anime adaptation credit. The story was easier to enjoy animated than drawn. It also helped that I grew up in a telenovela loving family. The characters’ actions, reactions and emotions were depicted better in the anime. I still consider the show’s greatest accomplishment being the humanization of Mei-Tron. In the manga it took a post-epilogue continuation to show readers “Hey everyone. Mei-Tron was human all along.” whereas in the anime I sensed the small bit of humanity quicker than in the manga where I continued seeing her as a block of wood with a brain up to the point where I dropped it. Harumin though is the greatest regardless of anime or manga adaptation. Bless her. Regardless of how I feel about the series I get its massive popularity. After all, were the rest of the story to get an animated continuation I would gladly pick it up...Not the manga though.

3. Sakura Trick - 342 Votes

OG: There are fans who understandably would disagree with Sakura Trick’s praise but I will always defend it and the anime as one of the very best in the genre. First off it aired at a time where animated on-screen close up kisses (specifically consensual ones) between ladies were rare. Haruka X Yuu’s relationship was believable for the most part. Even their season finale resolution, them not getting what being “in love” meant at the time, made sense though I get why it left some scratching their heads. Probably not the best “manga lure/bait” end I suppose. On the bright side Kotone X Shizuku’s story definitely did not have the two doubting their true feelings for each other. I do hope Kaede X Yuzu eventually hooked up in the manga as they too had potential to be a lovely couple.

YuriMother: Sakura Trick has no real narrative, no great insight, and offers little intellectually. As a teacher, it makes me furious, as a fan of yuri, elated. The anime is beloved for its plentiful soft service, presenting a plethora of kisses, cuddles, and awkward thigh shots (ew). However, it was one of the first anime to include this much explicit yuri service without being pornographic. All the characters were cute and fun, even if there was little in the way of development or complexity, it worked for the series. If you want something to make you think or to learn about yuri, pass over this one. But, if you want a cute and meaningless anime definitely watch it.

4. Yuru Yuri - 337 Votes

YuriMother: OG may not be a fan of Yuru Yuri but I certainly am, which is fairly obvious to anyone who observes that a solid 20% of my communications occur in the form of gifs from this series. It is hilarious, cute, and playful. Just like Sakura Trick, this anime is an easy watch with ultimately little substance. However, the part of me that is not rolling of the floor laughing every time I watch Yuru Yuri lives in a state of pained existence with the knowledge that this work of all things ended up being so popular when people are telling interesting stories about queer women and people in actual relationship that manage to still be funny and adorable while having something to say.

OG: The undisputed most mainstream friendly yuri series there is. It is also one of the funniest. My one gripe is that excluding a select few the main draw of the show besides the comedy and yuri is the ship wars, meaning (almost any girl can be shipped with each other). Not a fan of that but hey, it brought Namori the big bucks so who am I to judge? In any case not much else to add. It deserves all the adulation it gets but the free for all shipping irks me. Reminds me of how they botched Chika X Riko in the Love Live! Sunshine!! Anime. If you were going down the Riko X Yohane route from the start then why give us Chika X Riko in the first half? Ship wars yo. Tch. Hopefully I properly explained myself..

5. Kase-san and Morning Glories (Asagao to Kase-san) - 289 Votes

OG: Still wish this got a 12-13 episode anime. The glorious movie showed how much it deserves one. Whether it will happen or not remains to be seen. In any case the beauty of Kase-san X Yamada is how simple their romance is. No strings attached whatsoever. It is as straightforward as a self-proclaimed “ordinary” cutie, Yamada, having a crush on the super cool school beauty Kase-san. Said beauty is revealed to be just as “adorkable” as Yamada. The other highlight is their story not ending once they officially started dating (as is the case with many romance stories) but that being only the beginning, like real life. From then on, side-stories aside, the two biggest challenges for the two is Yamada accepting that it is okay for someone as “ordinary” as her to be the “cool babe”s girlfriend and Kase-san finding different ways to express her love/hunger for the cutie. As for the OVA, cramming the second part of the first series in an hour definitely had the downside of excluding some important moments, yes, but it at least covered some of the best moments in the manga. The first half of the story was summarized in a five-minute music video. One last thing. The animation, though a bit too brought for some, was glorious. It also had some long pauses which were effective (The bus stop scene being the most infamous) but while I did not mind them at all even I will admit some pauses went a bit too long. A small nitpick all things considered. Fingers crossed one day we either get that 12-13 episode anime for the first series, the sequel or both. That is one of my dreams.

YuriMother: At last, an anime that I do not have to react cynically to! Kase-san is one of the single greatest works of yuri animation to ever to be created and its glory is rivaled only by the manga from which it originated. Despite being only a one hour long OVA this adaption told such an engaging and realistic (finally) story of romance and personal growth. We get to skip the meatless girl meets girls arcs and get into the depth and complexity as Yamada and Kase work to further their relationship. They struggle with the fact that they are two different people who want different things out of life and love and have to actually work on their partnership. Kase-san also includes signs of physical affection and love that are never lewd, immature, or gross, I do not even think I could refer to them as “service”. However, for me, Kase-san’s greatest victory (both the anime and manga) is in its escape from school romance, which in this genre is often a shelter from reality, allowing for women to be in relationships without actually being queer. Kase and Yamada instead make an effort to continue their romance and build a life that includes their relationship once they graduate in a triumphant final act. This anime is a slap in the face to the class S stories and sloppily sexualized works which proliferate the yuri genre. Asagao to Kase-san shines as a holy beacon for the greatness that this genre can achieve.

6. Puella Magi Madoka Magica - 286 Votes

YuriMother: Hurray!! For two entries in a row, I get to talk about series that I wholeheartedly adore without having to constantly attach caveats. Puella Magi Madoka Magica is not considered by all to be yuri, and that is certainly not what it is best known for. PMMM is however famous for twisting the tropes of the magical girl genre and creating one of the most cohesive and thoughtful narratives ever put to screen. This series summoned a new era for the magical girl genre (what OG humorously referred to as the “Moepocalypse”) but no other title managed to top Madoka Magica’s runaway success. Every aspect of this work is highly polished including character designs, a phenomenal soundtrack, and superb writing. This is not only the definitive work of its genre but of all postmodern anime. Whether or not one is a fan of yuri every anime fan should give Madoka Magica a watch.

OG: Meduka Meguca. Its impact in the “Moepocalypse” (Shows where cute and sexy girls consistently suffering physically and emotionally. These are usually dark magical girl shows.) genre and legacy are undeniable. It deserves all the praise it gets. It scarred many unfortunate souls, Homura is a legend in yuridom, Kyouko X Sayaka are glorious (Especially in Rebellion), Meduka’s Mom Junko is a Top Tier Sexy Mama, Charlotte the Witch is a very strange girlfriend and of course Hitomi is a walking anti-fun meme. The animation, especially the creepy doodle like monsters known as Witches are memorable. However, it is not my favorite Moepocalypse show. That honor goes to Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

7. Strawberry Panic - 224 Votes

OG: Like it or not Strawberry Panic is a yuri classic. I have a strong feeling that like many readers around my age (31 during this writing) this was their first 100% yuri anime. The cheese is real but it is the yummy kind of cheese and I loved almost every minute of it, except Amane X Hikari. That was the weakest of the love stories going on. Poor Yaya trying too hard (Not saying this in condescending way. She literally tried too hard). It is like a young adult lesbian novel but more fun. I mean Nagisa X Shizuma might as well be “Lesbian Twilight but not crappy”. Let us be honest, Shizuma is a vampire. Chikaru is an undisputed goddess and Kagome is the cutest.

Oh and I will repeat this statement till my last breath…

#TamaoWasRobbed.

YuriMother: I may be almost a decade younger than OG but even for me Strawberry Panic was my first yuri and it more than earns its nickname as the “gateway yuri,” although last year’s Citrus and Bloom Into You may be presenting serious contenders for this title. If for no other reason than nostalgia, Strawberry Panic remains my favorite yuri works but this ridiculous soap-opera of an anime does deserve a fair amount of recognition. I see Strawberry Panic as the culmination of the S subgenre revived by Maria Watches Over Us. However, this work succeeds at both parodying many of the tropes of S and yuri while breaking a few. However, its greatest accomplishment is introducing many of the young western fans of yuri to the genre. Strawberry Panic, you are an overly dramatic mess but thank you for all you have done.

8. Revolutionary Girl Utena - 176 Votes

YuriMother: Another gem of the yuri genre, actually scratch that, if works like Kase-san are gems then Utena is the minerals from which gems form. I think that is how it works, I am not a geologist. My poor analogies and subtle nods to Steven Universe aside, Revolutionary Girl Utena is one of the single most important works of yuri anime, possibly even more so than Sailor Moon. These two works were the dawn of the current age of yuri, an era spurn on by social progress and the internet into a place where more yuri works featuring honest depictions of homosexuality are flourishing. Utena laid the groundwork for queer representation in anime and for that I remain forever grateful to this masterpiece.

OG: I must confess. While I saw the movie long ago and thought it was cool I have yet to sit down and finish watching the main series. I cannot say much about this show other than it is another yuri classic. Possibly one of the biggest. I think I will leave this to Her Holiness because even if I had seen it I do not consider myself someone who possesses the sufficient intellect to properly explain why this is a legendary show.

9. Flip Flappers - 132 Votes

OG: I would need an essay to explain why this show is legendary. Let me see. It is a story of a girl who discovered her gayness thanks to her growing attraction to a lovable idiot/genki. There are references to Western media, dimension hopping (including Class S Hell), self-discovery, a sexual orientation journey, a tree, armored wedding gowns, crazy third wheels, Ku Klux Klan stand-ins…You know what? Just watch Flip Flappers. It is a hot mess of random, crazy, creative and thought provoking awesomeness with a wonderful dose of gayness. Glory be to PapiCoco. However, as Her Holiness mentioned this is essentially Ikuhara-san levels of weirdness (though not as complicated I feel) but as the plot thickens it all (sort of) starts making sense...eventually. That tree yo.

YuriMother: Flip Flappers was almost too strange and abstract even for me, and that is saying something. However, upon further examination, one of the most interesting works of yuri is revealed. This heavily stylized anime delves deep into the sexual maturation of its protagonist while examining the yuri genre and representation in media. Flip Flappers is the perfect marriage of heavy visual style and intellectual substance. Definitely give them one a.. err better make that three watches, as you will want to be sure to get everything out of this beautiful series as possible.

10. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid - 131 Votes

YuriMother: This series is the closest anime fans have to a lesbian couple having a family that we have, and that is a shame. I LOVE family narratives, outside of the yuri genre Usagi Drop is my favorite anime. To me, seeing women balance life, a relationship, and children is some of the best queer representation there is. However, for every point in Kobayashi’s favor, there is also a glaring fault. Kobayashi is a modern woman in the workforce providing for herself and her “family,” but is borderline abusive to Tohru. Kanna is an inquisitive child being raising by two women, but there are weirdly sexual scenes featuring her. As previously mentioned on this list, if one can silence the reasonable part of the brain this work becomes enjoyable, hilarious, and adorable. Unfortunately, its faults prevent it from being more than an amusement and I seriously doubt that they will fade in the second season. But hey, it sells a ton of figures so… YAY!

OG: This series is one of the closest yuri fans have to a series starring a lesbian couple with a daughter and it is wonderful. Is the tale of an eternally grateful dragon who wanted to repay the human who saved her life, albeit drunk, by becoming her live-in maid. Tohru being a dragon girl had incredible power and could easily crush everyone in sight but preferred to try and understand humanity so she could live in peace with the woman she loved. It of course was hard at times but thanks to Miss Kobayashi slowly growing to accept her back (romantically she had a ways to go) and the two raising the adorable bundle of mighty puff known as Kanna they became a happy family. How long this relationship will last and whether Miss Kobayashi would come to fully love Tohru back romantically remains to be seen. I have high hopes it can and will happen. Kanna X Riko is precious (Yes. Even that scene). We even have a potential BL couple, which is nice. Not a fan of Lucoa X Shouta the shota. Not because of the age gap but it not being my kind of romantic comedy. It is the same reason I have a hard time buying Tsubame X Misha from UzaMaid. Mya-Nee X Hana from Wataten...maybe. At least Mya-Nee showed she is patient. Back to Dragon Maid. Great series. Naughty of course but great.

11. Sweet Blue Flowers (Aoi Hana) - 119 Votes

OG: Megane girl falls for a cutie but has a hard time confessing to her to the point she gives a relationship with another girl a try. Said other girl has troubles of her own courtesy of her own views on what love. Do not get me started on the OTHER girl who likes megane’s girlfriend. I did not even mention megane girl’s first love interest who she herself eventually begins questioning her feelings for the glasses wearing maiden. While this is well known throughout the history of yuri anime Aoi Hana made it clearer than ever that Yuri + Classical Music go hand in hand. Plus the show is quite pretty. Ultimately enjoyment of this series depends heavily on viewers’ patience.

YuriMother: Aoi Hana was ahead of its time in many regards. Most yuri during the early twenty-first century was unrealistic and melodramatic, especially with the revival of S stories. Aoi Hana instead presents a calm and realistic story that we still rarely see in yuri anime today. Instead of relying on tricks like service or comedy Aoi Hana presents a serene and character-driven story which is matched by equally calming scenery. It is certainly not the most thrilling watch, but a slow and beautiful slice of real life that remains one of the all-time strongest yuri works.

12. Yurikuma Arashi - 99 Votes

YuriMother: Yurikuma Arashi is strange, to say the least, but this is not out of the ordinary for legendary director Ikuhara, who also directed Utena. Parallels are easily drawn between this work and Flip Flappers, as they are both complex and encoded with enough symbolism to drown a bear. Yurikuma is one of my favorite works in the yuri genre and I have had more than a few heated discussions about interpretations of the work, including one memorable occasion when I was visiting a college professor and we ended up in a shouting match in the middle of the hall. However, while Flip Flappers holds a high degree of polish the same can, unfortunately, not be said here. Yurikuma Arashi has more than a few scenes of fanservice many of which overly fetishize the characters and relationship and some of the symbols, particularly lily flowers and the word “yuri” are practically beaten to death with an object I refuse to come up with because I am starting to have my fill of symbolism. However, despite some of its sloppiness, Yurikuma is one of the single most interesting and well-formed anime out there and analyzing it is practically a right of passage for seasoned yuri fans.

OG: Yurikuma Arashi is my favorite of Ikuhara-san’s series. To me it was the least complicated of his works but even so I needed help to understand the show. Luckily I had plenty of assistance. The meat of the story is more complicated but put simply it is about a war between a group of bear girls (and some human girls) who want to freely express their love and/or desire/hunger for each other and another group that amounts to Right to Censor from WWF. Like I said it is far more complex than that but that is the gist. The anime is quite ecchi and it has good reason for it. Again the gay bears are the more liberated of the groups and them getting more sexy scenes is meant to showcase that. Our heroine has good reason to be grumpy and a divine entity was introduced alongside a certain someone from a certain dark anime we already discussed.

In the end it is a show starring lesbian bear girls. I love love stories between women and i love bears. It was obvious I would end up enjoying this one. Like other complex stories it is not for everyone. Shows like Flip Flappers, Utena and Yurikuma have something of a learning people will have to get accustomed to in order to enjoy them.

13. Whispered Words (Sasameki Koto) - 88 Votes

OG: To me Aoi Hana and Sasameki Koto were always connected despite the former being a drama and the latter a comedy. Both star a female protagonist struggling with how to best tell the girl she likes her true feelings whereas their love interest for one reason or another makes it all the more challenging to get their feelings across. Both shows aired during a time yuri was not as popular of a genre as it would become over time. Perhaps if they had come out a little later when yuri was becoming more popular in the mainstream they would have fared better…Then again they may have helped set the groundwork for future yuri shows so it’s just as well they came out when they did. In any case both good shows worthy of “best of yuri” lists. SK has the dynamic of the megane in love and her somewhat airheaded love interest who specifically likes “cute girls”. Poor megane has a hard time figuring out what the airhead defines as “cute”. The show also features an amusing side-couple of an ojou-sama and her tsundere girlfriend. Not to mention the somewhat controversial side-girl who plays a more prominent role in the 2nd half of the anime. Heck, even Mr Crossdresser himself is cool. Let us not forget Miss “Ha Ha Ha!” Another really good show that I would love to see the rest of the manga get animated someday but considering most anime are essentially manga commercials and the SK manga ended the odds of a 2nd season are close to 0.

YuriMother: 2009 was a great year for yuri anime, with both Sasameki Koto and Aoi Hana, among other works, airing. But while Aoi Hana sought to resist many of the common tropes of the genre and tell a simple grounded story Sasameki Koto appears to have looked a the list of every convention possible and say “yeah I can do that.” It has melodrama, comedy, one-sided love, friend love stories, I worship this genre but even I think there is a limit. However, Sasameki Koto is one of the most competent yuri anime works of the current era. While all the tropes are present most of the problematic aspects of the genre are not. The story is well written, characters enjoyable, and art that is really well done for the time. I enjoy every watch and if I ever want to quickly download the genre’s tropes into another person's head I need only duct tape them to a chair and throw on Sasameki Koto.

14. Riddle Story of Devil (Akuma no Riddle) - 77 Votes

YuriMother: Akuma no Riddle was highly anticipated back in 2014, sporting a premise of student assassins that, while certainly not unique, was outside the norms for the yuri genre. It promised a dark and thrilling take on the yuri genre that would not become popular until the yuri horror trend a few years later. At first, it looked like this would be successful with an excellent setup and some pretty compelling characters but ultimately Akuma no Riddle fell flat and became more derailed as it continued. The monster of the week style of episodes left little room for complex plots and plans or proper character development, which is a shame because of how engaging so many of the assassins were upon original presentation. However, this show still has some of the best action in the yuri genre, placing it alongside series like Cannan and Utena despite its flawed storytelling. If nothing else, the anime may compel one to read the manga, which expands the story and characters more than the show was given time to.

OG: Professional assassins secretly gathered at an academy in an attempt to take the life of a seemingly innocent cutie to win the ultimate prize, one of whom wishes to protect the adorable redhead. Yes the manga, which is pretty much a Director’s Cut, is better and the anime would have benefited from having 20+ episodes instead of 12 and a delightful beach OVA but the show did a good job of showing viewers what each assassin was like, their motivations (though many of their origin stories were summarized in written biographies during commercial breaks viewers needed to pause to read) were clear enough and the duels, as brief as some of them were, had enough spicy goodness in them to be memorable, especially the ones in the latter half of the show. Oh, and although the manga wrapped up after the anime it had a very similar ending.

15. Revue Starlight - 72 Votes

OG: Gay theater girls who strive to become the top star, meaning the best actress or lead actor of the cast. How do they do it? By working hard and overcoming their personal hardships? Yes. That. What makes this show so wonderful despite being almost a year old as of this writing is not only do the ladies all have interesting stories to tell but so does the stage. Every song, prop, movement, dance, gesture etc. It is like the performers and performances are united. It is like in Spongebob where not only does the person in the boots tell a story but the boots as well.

Oh yes. I almost forgot to mention the mysterious underground theater and talking giraffe. Never forget the talking giraffe from Hell. #Wakarimasu.

Super cool and super gay.

YuriMother: Bushiroad continuously gets better at what they do, creating media franchises of cute girls filled with music and making mountains of cash from smartphone games. Inspired by the likes of Love Live, they created BanG Dream and last year Revue Starlight. However, where these franchises fell short Revue Starlight success. It never twists its characters to tell a story but rather creates compelling arcs around them. I thoroughly enjoyed and agree with its place on this list.

16. Konohana Kitan - 68 Votes

YuriMother: I know of Konohana Kitan for its constant presence at yuri events more so than the anime or even the manga. It is adorable, relaxing, simple, and fun. While it does not add anything super substantial to the genre it does not take anything either or present any objectionable material. The “plot” is nonexistent but that does not matter, as it is not trying to tell a story or make commentary, just be fluffy and simple.

OG: Konohana Kitan to me is a Girls Club (Cute girls doing cute things) and iyashikei hybrid anime. It is visually stunning as it is relaxing with Yuzu pretty much one of the cutest demigoddesses in existence. She of course is a chick magnet but her heart will forever belong to Satsuki.

17. Destiny of the Shrine Maiden (Kannazuki no Miko) - 65 Votes

OG: The other stuff on the show is still not that great but ChiMeko will forever stand the test of time as far as I’m concerned. Top 10 for their love story alone. Yes. I know THAT ONE SCENE continues being controversial and talked about every time curious new yuri fans witness greatness…but I will forever defend Chikane because I get where she was coming from. Would I have done something different? Yes. The thing is you need to put yourself in her shoes and understand what she wanted to accomplish and how far she would go to get it done. Kotoha is best side-character and Souma Ogami is real man’s man who does not deserve the hate. He was an honorable warrior to the end. He fought well and accepted defeat like a man. Plus his yell is inspirational.

YuriMother: My feelings on Kannazuki no Miko are incredibly mixed. It has many of the worst facets of early current era yuri anime, tropes include S, rape and… am I reading this correctly, demon mechs? Worst of all it presents a cycle, a never-ending loop that haunts the characters in the overarching plot and it does not resolve it. If a work ever presents such an element, like Puella Magi did, it must be overcome or confronted at least. Its presence makes the already cringy story feels cheap and lazy. However, I love the two female leads and their difficult relationship. I love the music, especially the hauntingly beautiful ending theme, and the final moments of episode 11 are some of the greatest seconds I have ever seen in an anime. I cannot wrap my mind around my view of this series but at the end of the day, I understand it. I do not believe that work like it would ever be warmly accepted today but for its time it does stand as a breakout piece of yuri anime.

18. Princess Principal - 61 Votes

YuriMother: Princess Principal is one of the best anime of the past few years. It had everything, an interesting premise, great characters, an incredible soundtrack. Alongside all this is the sharp writing and thrilling story. Princess Principal did everything Akuma no Riddle wanted to with an intriguing and action-packed story featuring strong characters. On top of all this, the animation is top notch. A six-part movie sequel is planned which has me somewhat concerned, but I am glad to see that it is being continued as the ending to the series was one of its weakest aspects. Now if you will excuse me, I need to listen to some jazz.

OG: Cute and sexy gay spies in a dramatic British Steampunk setting. What more do readers need? Allow Her Holiness to elaborate a bit further. Currently waiting for the multi-part cinematic continuation.

19. Izetta: The Last Witch - 60 Votes

OG: I am known for loving shows people do not think as highly of. Izetta: The Last Witch is no different. I love this show so much. Besides how certain events transpired some complained about the depiction of WW2. Basically think about people ranting about storylines and content featured in certain Call of Duty and Battlefield games. Here however, it is clearly a fictional great war inspired by WW2. I was invested in the following:

-The cute and sexy ladies.

-Seeing two badass lesbians lead an army against an evil empire.

-FiZetta’s romance. This of course being the major highlight. I love FiZetta so much. My sexy lesbian babies and Anne X Grea’s mentors. They taught them everything they know after all.

It is similar to how I felt watching Kannazuki no Miko where my focus was primarily on the leading ladies’ developing romance. The difference is that unlike Kannazuki I was also somewhat entertained by our heroines’ enemies along with their allies. Basically viewers’ enjoyment of the show depends on how seriously they take their history and are willing to overlook the liberties this story takes with its depictions of the weapons, military and the familiar evil empire. FiZetta are one of my favorite lesbian couples of all time.

By the way, in that famous scene, yes they did. Viewers just have to squint their eyes to see “it”.

YuriMother: Another show that I consider to have squandered its potential. I know that lots of people enjoyed this one, including OG but I could not bring myself to finish this constantly mediocre series. Perhaps I am tired of alternative light-fantasy European-war inspired plots. Trying to stand out in this bloated genre is difficult and Izetta fails. Izetta started strong and hooked many viewers with its amazing visual and auditory polish but this was quickly lost in the plot which, while set up well, struggle to gain any ground of pay off what had been established. On the yuri side, it did not really do anything interesting or satisfying, with plenty of scenes feature the character’s standing next to each other looking cute and one or two moments of actual yuri. I am glad that some of you were able to enjoy this one more than me at least.

20. Maria Watches Over Us (Maria-sama ga Miteru) - 57 Votes

OG: Like Strawberry Panic this is a “Like it or not” classic. Despite being a Class S show it did its own thing and became a pioneer for . It’s also responsible for the many yuri jokes related to all-girl schools in anime.Shimako X Noriko best Grande and Petite Souer! Yumiko X Sachiko were great too as the two grew to better understand each other. Most memorable scene for me was the panda costume. Even Sei is a sleeper icon in all yuridom. Yoshino X Rei had a very interesting dynamic. I actually think they are the real pioneers of relationships between cousins. Thank you YoshiRei. HaruKana, Kaede X Sara and several others owe you two much appreciation.

YuriMother: Another great and significant series, Maria Watches Over Us, took the tropes of early yuri works, Catholic schools, a lack of men, piano scenes, and emotional relationship rather than physical ones and turned the dial up to 11. For better or worse, it single-handedly revived the Class S genre and was copied (and parodied) endlessly for over a decade. However much I complain about S I actually do not think that we would have the current age of yuri without its popularity and proliferation at the beginning of the century so I owe a big thank you to Maria Watches Over Us for that. Ignoring its historical importance and literary significance the anime still presents an engaging plot with wonderful characters and more butchered French than my last trip to Europe. It is certainly worth a watch and worthy of a place on this list.

What do you think should be on this list?:

YuriMother: As I previously said, this is a pretty perfect list. As far as missing titles I can think of the following.

Simoun - not the greatest in terms of plot or animation but it had cute service and a fun action-packed plot.

Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl - This series may be strange and present the dreaded love triangle but it did its best to tell a transgender narrative in 2006, naturally this involved aliens, and I applaud it for its attempts.

Cannan - This series is light on the yuri but heavy on the suspense, action, and amazing character designs. The terrorist plot is exciting and the final train fight featured in the series is one of the greatest action spectacles in anime that somehow manages to remain grounded.

OG:

-Harukana Receive: Best all-female sports anime ever made. Plus the gayness is not subtle at all.

-Mikagura Gakuen Kumikyoku: Eruna Ichinomiya is an underrated yuri icon. While not the first of her kind (That honor, I think, goes to Galaxy Fraulein Yuna) she set the standard of cool and inspirational badass lesbian protagonists who are proud of who they are and...also happen to be super perverts. Eruna made it cool to be such a protagonist. It is nice seeing a lesbian lead who does not care what anyone else thinks. She is hungry for cute girl booties. While she often loses her control in the presence of pure beauty she, as an inspiration for others like her, has enough self-control to not go overboard (most of the time).

-Symphogear: Symphogear is love, Symphogear is life. Hopefully Season 5 will keep up the good work.

-Rinne no Lagrange: My favorite mecha anime and the reason I embrace OT3s when the signs are there. Not the greatest but man was it fun. Plus Madoka Kyouno is still sexy.

-Yuki Yuna wa Yuusha de Aru: My favorite Moepocalypse anime of all time. Yuna X Togo taught me to love and trust some people outside my closest family again.

-Mouretsu Pirates: If someone were to ask me “Hey OG. What to you is the perfect anime?”. I would tell them Mouretsu/Bodacious Space Pirates.

-Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl. Thanks to the first fan commenting and reminding me of it. Definitely worthy of a spot. #HazumuWasAlwaysFemale

Final Thoughts:

OG: Pretty good list and close to what mine would look like were I to make one. Reason I have yet to do so is because I do not feel confident enough to pick a favorite yuri anime of all time. Favorite yuri manga and couples? That I can do, but anime always seems to give me a hard time choosing my absolute favorites. Like I said though, a potential yuri list of mine would look something like this. I also found it interesting how similar the Top 10 are among both our respective fanbases and visitors to the poll conducted by the Akiba Research Institute.

YuriMother: I may have done most the complaining and left the praise to OG but I actually and really happy with this list. I think that every title presented is a worthy addition and while I would certainly move some higher or lower than their current placing I do not believe that these are too far off from my own opinions, which is surprising for a popularity poll. More than anything I am thrilled to see that works I dislike that I thought to be popular did not make this list. Perhaps I should have more faith in people and their opinions. Everyone did such a wonderful job voting and I am so grateful!

Thank you so much everyone for reading and for voting in the top yuri anime poll. To see the full results of the poll and to support yuri news, reviews, and content, check out the YuriMother Patreon. Happy Pride Month

[fernthewhimsical]

Gender in Witchcraft, pt. 2

In my last post I dove (or well, dipped my toes) into the history of gender in witchcraft, to see where our thoughts and visions on gender come from. When I was thinking and journaling about gender and witchcraft came the question: does it matter? Does it matter in our magic whether we focus on gender?

For witchcraft and paganism in general I would say yes and no. Yes because we are a path that stands up for the marginalized, and being yourself and being true to yourself is something we value a lot. To know yourself, to truly and fully know who you are as a person, can hold great power. Exploring gender and what this means to you can be a (big) part of that. It can also reveal shadows; suppressed parts of ourselves that often have to do with trauma or pain, that we often have to work through. Standing in your own power with confidence and pride can spring powerful magic. Acknowledging and owning your truths can be super empowering! So therefore I do think it’s important for women (and I mean all women) to have a space where they can be themselves without the pressure of what society expects from them. A space to talk about the things that concern us, as women. The problems that we run in to and the worries and sorrows that we have. To find the strength and power of being a woman without the weight of the patriarchy on our shoulders. I also think it’s important that men (and I mean all men) have a space where they can be themselves without the pressure of what society expects from them. A space to talk about the things they run into, in this society that portrays them as “the bad guy”. To explore a version of masculinity that isn’t toxic. A place to connect to others in an emotional and deep, meaningful way. To form a brotherhood that is not about being a warrior and being aggressive, but instead is gentle and soft in the same way we feminists see our sisterhood. That is what I wish for them. And for all of us who fall outside of that binary, I wish the same thing. A space to explore what gender means, what falling outside of the norm entails and the troubles that we face because of that. To explore how that influences spirituality, connection, life in general. To find power and strength in being who we are, openly. So yes, it can be very important to focus on gender, even (or perhaps especially) in spirituality.

However, there is another side of this coin. Discrimination is, unfortunately, also found in our community and has been there since the very beginning. Gardner was a misogynist and a homophobe. He created a “sacred” rite which hinged on him, and other High Priests, to have sexual intercourse with young women. Gay and lesbian people were not allowed into Wiccan covens for many years under the guise of the Wiccan Laws. In 2011 on PantheaCon a group of Dianic Wiccans refused entrance to Transwomen who wished to participate in a women’s only ritual, stating that only women born with a womb were allowed to enter. Budapest, the founder of Dianic Wicca, came out with a statement which was, frankly, hurtful and outrageous. Claiming that “transies” (her word, not mine) were just men trying to encroach on women’s spaces again. This incident, which was in no way the first, sparked a lot of (trans)people speaking out against gender discrimination in our traditions. Then there are those who take the “divine feminine” and “divine masculine” so far that it becomes toxic. An example of this is the phenomenon of the “twin flame”. Like many spiritual beliefs, it has been ripped out of context and is now to many an idea where every woman, a.k.a. the Divine Feminine, has a perfect soulmate somewhere out there, their man, a.k.a. the Divine Masculine. They claim it is our divine duty as women to heal men, so they can step into their power as true divine masculine. With lovely ripped-out-of-context poetry like: “If you want to change the world, love a man; really love him” and “Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds.” That last one is because we (supposedly) should see the “ancestral burden” of all the confused, angry warrior-men who came before him and we, as women, can heal that with the magical power of our wombs. Right. The idea that “feminine” means that you have to heal others, that you have to be “of service” to those in need (not just men), that you have to use your “divine gifts” of gentleness, and patience, and true love to better the world is extremely toxic! Just like the idea that all men (yes, all men, apparently) are these wounded little boys stuck in a violent rampage of fear and ancestral aggression is. Does that sound healthy to you? Then there are the women’s movements who believe, like the Dianics mentioned above, that you can only truly connect with the inner feminine goddess if you have a womb. After all, life is created from the womb, it is the source of all living things (or so they believe). So if you don’t have one, either because you weren’t born biologically female or because of medical procedures like a hysterectomy, because of, say, cancer, you aren’t a woman (anymore). And some take it even further. Since life comes from the womb, you are only truly a woman if you’ve given birth. So anyone who can’t, for whatever reason, or anyone who doesn’t want children, is no longer a woman. Which is of course insane, hurtful and extremely toxic. Also, I don’t know about you, but I find it extremely offensive to be reduced to a single body part. The only value I have, according to some of these feminist fringe “goddess” movements, is a womb. And sometimes a vagina. Aren’t we always accusing men of reducing us to that? Now we’re doing it to ourselves as well, but it’s in the name of spirituality so it’s okay? Hell no! I am more than a womb. You are more than a womb, or a penis, or boobs, or a vagina. We’re people! Our body parts don’t define us.

Does it matter in our magic whether we focus on gender? No, because gender is something earthly, something of our societal world, and witchcraft is from the fringes, from outside polite society. We work in the liminal, in the in-between. In both the realm of spirit and the mundane. We work in the shadows. With a lot of our workings, we go beyond the physical. I spoke about the Gods in my first post. There are a lot of Gods who are shapeshifters, some of whom can also change between genders: Zeus, Loki, Dionysus. There are also Gods who are neither man nor woman, or a combination of both: Hermaphroditus, Hapi, the Christian God. There are Gods who were known to have both a male and female form: Fosta, Aphrodite, Shiva. There are Gods who could upon request change the sex of mortals: Inanna, Isis. In myth gender is a very fluid thing. Sometimes it matters a lot, usually in stories about humiliation or love, but mostly it doesn’t matter at all. We, as pagans and sometimes as witches, take a lot of inspiration from our Gods. We see (part of) ourselves reflected in what they stand for, or in their stories. So if for them gender is something fluid, something that could change one way or another, or glide along something of a spectrum, then why would ours be one or the other? If we work with them in our space, in our world between worlds, then wouldn’t we then also be granted  to be something else? To rise above the expectations that modern society holds for us? Not to mention the many cultures whose shamans, spirit helpers, guides, witch doctors, clergy and magical practitioners were not man ór woman. To become rigid in your magical focus, on any subject, is to limit yourself. It’s important to keep an open mind. To keep yourself acceptive of change, or you’ll grow stagnant. This is true for any part of witchcraft and paganism, so also with gender. It’s okay, and perhaps sometimes good, to focus on what it means to you. But don’t let this focus limit yourself and your magic.

Up next: let’s get personal!

(First found on my blog)

[catsi]

This is really random but I didn't know who to ask? I'm 24 and just now realizing I'm a lesbian. How do I get over the loneliness of being gay? I live close to some bigger cities but tbh I don't like big events, don't have much time to go to them, and am a Small Town Gal at heart tbh. I also feel weird being 24 and only having been in 1 relationship - with a dude - who is also the only person I've ever been intimate w and that was when I was 18 (p1)

Even when I thought I was into guys (up until just recently) I felt like I was way behind relationship/intimacy wise compared to my straight friends and coworkers. I've also been talking a lot more about relationship stuff with my (straight female) coworkers and have been like YES MEN I WANT A MAN and I feel like if I say I'm gay it will be weird because it's like I've been lying?? + I compliment them all the time on clothes and stuff n don't want them to think I'm into them like that (p2/2)

oh gosh i definitely relate to a lot of what you’re saying my friend... i hear you for sure

first: congrats on figuring out you’re a lesbian!! it’s always a good thing to learn more about who you are ❤

the Small Town Sense of Loneliness is definitely a real thing, and it can feel overwhelming, but you’re a part of the LGBT+ community, and you never have to be truly alone. lesbians have a rich and wonderful culture and we’re very good at looking out for each other. just by virtue of being who you truly are, there are people who care for you and want what’s best for you. i’m sure there are other lesbians reading this who feel the same way!! you aren’t alone at the end - you’re here with all of us  ❤ ❤

i guess my big advice right now is... don’t rush yourself!! it sounds like you’re trying to sort through a lot of thoughts and feelings and ideas right now, but you don’t have to do them all at once! you don’t have to have answers for all of your doubts just yet - it’s okay to still be figuring this stuff out.

it’s okay to take this stuff one step at a time. you don’t have to come out yet if you’re not ready! you can start by only coming out to who you trust. honestly - even just saying the words “i’m a lesbian” over an anonymous ask like this is a pretty huge thing! it’s okay to only take another step forward when you feel comfortable with where you are right now.

also - if your coworkers don’t believe you when you come out as gay in the future - then that’s fully their problem, not yours. if they don’t believe you, that reflects poorly on THEIR character, NOT yours

i’m sending you all of my good vibes, my friend!

[abstract-minecraft]

Okay multiple thoughts:

1. How do people not immediately fall in love with you you’re so pretty!! Especially your mouth (okay that sounded much dirtier than it was meant to)!

2. I’m just gonna go off about representation in TV shows and especially Supercorp, because I’ve been feeling it recently:

So many TV shows and books and movies have these main female characters who are heroes but then they have them be all oh I am tough and I don’t cry or have emotions or like love people a lot. And then Supergirl comes and Cara is just this sweet incredible strong vulnerable hopeful hero who both wants love and want to change the world and that’s like something I’ve been longing for for so long and it was so incredible to see her on screen. And then comes a Lena who is this bad ass fucking incredible, powerful woman, who is damaged and beautiful and the point isn’t like it takes her three seasons to open up the point is Cara shows her love and she feels like she found her place. And some thing about those things is so meaningful and important to show that the point isn’t to be tough and strong point is to love and be loved in return. And then you have all of these little girls and boys and non-binary people in all of the other genders and they’re watching this show and you have all of these teenagers we’re trying to figure ourselves out and they’re watching the show and they’re seeing these characters or both strong and vulnerable and communicative and Smart and just tell me where that is in our society. And then you have Cara and Alina in this beautiful friendship together that means so much to both of them and all of their friends and viewers and current defense Lena against all bad and Lena bought a fucking company for Cara and they have so many scenes with their romantic interest there just like parallel the scenes with each other and each other scenes are always better. And I just keep thinking about all of those teenagers and kids who are watching this and figuring themselves out and thinking that these are these incredible beautiful powerful people but they wanna be like and how incredible would it be for them to see this queer representation in these women that Big love! I just keep thinking about how everyone says things like oh well Supergirl has so many queer characters in such a diverse cast like why would they need another queer ship and just like you can’t tell us to be content with what we have and what we have isn’t good enough right? And and I I think part of it is also that all of these characters who are queer and diverse are these really important but side characters in the main character is the ones who run the show the ones who everyone really watches it for or not and how powerful it would be for someone to see a show and see the two main characters have this beautiful romantic healthy relationship with each other and their two women I’ve just never seen something like that outside of Shira and that just happened. I also think it’s so rare that you see relationship where it’s built on this foundation of not enemies to lovers not even childhood best friends to lovers but allies to slow friends to slow best friends to completely in love in such a healthy way with such trust and emotion and just adhkitsb. I just think it’s so important. And then there’s this thing with supernatural which I assume I don’t have to explain because you’re on Tumblr and that’s a CW show and Supergirl is a CW show and half of me is like well they’re getting so much pushback from how they ended supernatural not the Latin American version of course that will have to be like no we’re not homophobic see currently not getting together the other part of me thinks like if they’ve done that then I’m just gonna be like well currently not getting together either because they’ve shown a president that they can’t do that. Also, I feel like even if they do get together it’s going to be some last minute bullshit kiss where it’s like the last 10 minutes of the series finale and then we never see them again and that’s not fair to the queer community either. Like yeah it’s better than not having to be together at all, but I’d like a relationship it gets old I don’t know like five episodes at least preferably around 12 preferably a whole season preferably a whole lifetime.

To the men in the writing room, we aren’t real. We’re just a demographic, an imaginary group of hypothetical humans who don’t exist outside of their Twitter @s or paycheck. They don’t sit down and think “when I write this script, I’m going to be extra careful not to stunt the emotional growth of young queer people, and women especially!” They don’t follow the story, don’t follow what would make sense or what reflects the experience of their characters. They follow the money, and only the money. It sucks. It sucks so badly, but that’s just how capitalism works, so we carve out our own spaces: “Oh, you want to deny the fact that we exist? Okay! Never mind shows, we’ll find something else!” So we find those spaces that fit us so perfectly we can almost forget the other ones exist. From artists-- girl in red, mitski, hayley kiyoko, mxmtoon, king princess, etc, to books-- and every young adult novel geared towards people like us has absolutely soared, just look at Rainbow Rowell, to websites-- because let’s not pretend that sites like Ao3 and to some extent Tumblr are for straight people, to clothing-- think about doc martens, to little color schemes and hand gestures, just really trying to normalize this part of ourselves that’s so deep and so naturally there, and maybe even the Dream smp, when you think about it. 

If I had seen myself represented in even one kids’ show growing up, it would’ve changed my life. I didn’t even know gay people existed until I was eight, and I’d already had my first crush on another girl by the time I was five. I remember being so confused about why I felt just like the princesses in the Disney movies I so adored, remember noting that my feelings towards her resembled the romance I’d seen in every kids’ film, but feeling confused and off because this isn’t right. Why was my prince a princess? Why didn’t I feel that way about one of the boys in my grade? 

My whole childhood, there’s only been straight people. My parents would put on shows, would give me books about straight people. Once I figured out that queer people existed, I had to seek out that content myself if I wanted it. And no matter how gay we are, there’s still a part of people’s minds that treats us like we are straight people. Take me, for an example: I came out to my parents as lesbian in fifth grade, and they’ve still made me keep my door open when having male friends over, while letting me sleep in the same bed as female and nonbinary friends with no problem. 

My sister’s life has been different. Since she was a baby, I’ve been upfront with her: “Hey, do you want to meet my girlfriend?” “No, I won’t have a husband someday. I’ll have a wife though!” And already, at the age of four, I watch her live as herself without shame, happily telling our parents that she’s “very in love” with the girl next door and telling them of her plans to marry said girl when she turns five. That’s the beautiful difference it can make to have even one person showing you that queer people exist. 

I wish I could tell those writers that it’s really not just for media points, not just to appease a certain demographic. It affects us, our world, our minds, the way we love. It’s important.

also thanks for complimenting my mouth lol :)