#i do think there ARE good resources but they are few and far between

[ghostcrows]

the way people talk about and view mental illness has always been under this veil of sympathy and understanding but really when that energy is most needed it all just vanishes. we have 200 more specific terms for certain symptoms and 2000 more videos on how to stop procrastinating and how to deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria and 50000 new videos on how it's In Your Brain and it's Hereditary and it's Homemade by your Primary Caregivers but people still dont really ...get it. they just dont. the resources available are so hollow. its empty promises. suicide hotline that just gets you insta-detained. therapist you talk in circles with for a third of your income per session. housing program with a wait list that only gets longer. this insistence that you build up a support system with no support. this quietly depleting time frame you have (or feel you have, this very real pressure) in which to get your shit together before you're just another sad statistic. always having to wait until you're at the brink of complete self destruction to get help, and by then. how much damage is already done

it's all just casting shadows on the wall

[cherry-leclerc]

the set up ☆ ln4

genre: fluff, humor, parent trip vibes from oscahhh, strangers to lovers (bc of course it is), uni!reader

word count: 2.12k

Caught up in work, you find time to join your friends at the McLaren welcome dinner; meeting a certain British driver along the way. Whom you don't make the best first impression with.

req!...oscar+lily playing matchmakers? cute cute cuteeee. quick one for my lando lovers mwahhh

It takes a lot to convince you; like—a lot. Partial credit is due to your pride, but honestly, it drove your friends mad. 

Let's go out and celebrate! Just a good ‘ol round of drinks. I have to study. Maybe next time.

Oh! I heard of this new place down the street where you custom make your own jewelry. Fun, no? I have enough already, thank you.

Five minutes—let’s just go grab coffee! Too tired. Go on without me.

“It’s my welcome dinner, mate. You can’t do this to me now.” Oscar’s brown eyes flicker between you and his girlfriend, to which she apologetically shrugs. Deep down, it's like she can forehear your excuse. An essay is due, your internship, helping out at your local library. There's been too many times where you’ve flaked, and they were starting to worry. The pile of clothes makes her wince as you greedily type away. 

“I-I’m sorry, but I have to—”

“Reckon you don’t have anything on your agenda that is as important as you make it out to seem,” he hums. Narrowed eyes burn down, flipping your screen towards him.

 Compile a series of current events…BLAH BLAH BLAH. He stops caring, already bored.

“I wish I could—seriously, Oscar—but I’m needed elsewhere.” A beat. “Lily will keep me updated! Go Mango!”

The Australian rolls his eyes, sharp brows expanding with desperation. “Papaya, mate, papaya.” You giggle, mimically apologizing. The clicks continue; round eyes laser focused. He tries getting your attention once more, but you don’t look up at him at all. The driver’s girlfriend purses her pink lips, crossing her legs gingerly against the couch.

“I can help you write your paper. All of it. Just please, come with us.” Blue eyes wink back as you come to a halt, temptation swirling. “We’re your friends and we want you there. Pretty please?”

The McLaren rookie thinks it has to do with his girlfriend's cute pout, but that is so far from it. It was well known that Lily Zneimer had a wicked talent for conducting a killer research essay. From her resources, to her dialogue. It’s astonishing how smoothly it gets done too. With her, it’s a guaranteed pass. Now that was what you needed. 

Berry lips twist back and forth for a second before stretching out. “Touch up on globalization effects in different cultures and we have ourselves a deal.”

-

The paper was coming along so perfectly that you almost wanted to cry. Your eyes buzz with excitement as you jot down a row of bullet points, conversing with Lily before settling on what to write. 

“This is not what I had in mind when you both made this stupid pact,” Oscar groans for the millionth time as he passes by, spotting you and his girlfriend crouched down on a table; computer, notebook, pencils, index cards, books—everything—in hand.  

“Mate, this is worth half of my grade,” you shriek, jotting a few more possible ideas. Finally, your dazy orbs connect back onto him. “As in fifty percent.” You gag. “Do you realize how terrifying that is?”

Lily shoos him. “We’re almost done anyway, darling. Go enjoy the party.” The Australian’s jaw drops and she huffs, raising her neat brows. “Go, go, goooo.”

Despite his girlfriend and his best friend ignoring him, he has a splendid time. He curses beneath his breath when a large hand sprawls against his back. Lando laughs. “Don’t worry, my date ditched me too,” he teases, blue eyes sparkling against the fuzzy lights. The rookie sighs plainly.

“I wasn’t ditched—'' He angles his head to face back to where you and the dirty blond hunch over, whispering, attention drawn onto the bright screen. A few people even go as far as to try and take a peek, probably thinking you were working on anything McLaren. “Yeah, uh, I guess you could say I was ditched.”

His teammate rubs his watch a couple or times, nothing but music lingering between them. No one really speaks up until Lily delicately makes her way. Oscar tilts his head politely. “Done?”

“No quite yet, but she has it all under control.” She faces the British driver with a sheepish line formed between her pink lips. “Hello, you must be Oscar’s new teammate.” A beat. “I’m Lily.”

“Lando,” he can feel himself proclaiming. “I thought she was Lily…” A lousy fingers points over to you. They both let out a weak chuckle. That’s my friend from back home, Oscar confirms. Her and Lily are super close, too. She beams, light blush feathering her full cheeks.

All of a sudden—the Australian sparks up. “Come, let me introduce you two.”

The twenty-four doesn't really have anything better to do; business convos that have him apologizing profusely, cameras being shoved straight into his face, girls who never get the hint. “Sure.” 

First thing he notices is the faded scar that hugs the bridge of your nose. It's almost completely gone—and he really shouldn’t even be able to spot it—but it's there, almost a glassy color that shines back at him. He notices how quick you are at typing, fingers flying at a constant speed. He’s impressed. Or the way you barely spare him a glance. 

“Don’t be rude, he’s talking to you,” Oscar hisses as he and Lily tower over you like a strict parent duo. You can distinguish the panic that laces through her when you didn’t first respond, too worried at making a bad impression, even if it wasn't her leaving it behind. 

“Of course, I…um, I’m sorry—shit!” The laptop blinks back at you as a warning before settling in its death. A groan slips by, hands pressing harshly against the keys, then the screen. Nervously, you look up at Lily, biting your bottom lip. “What do I do? What should I do? What should I do?”

“Charge it when we get back,” Oscar advises, still waiting for you to greet the older McLaren driver. Lando stands back amused. “As I was saying—”

“It’s due at midnight, dimwit!” It’s eleven-fifteen. “I need to find a charger.”

“O-okay, lets just all calm down.” Lily turns to her boyfriend. “You always carry one with you, let her borrow it.” He winces. Only during races, sweetheart, not an important event. She rubs her temples, curly hair running against the wind. “Let’s just calm down!” she screeches.

“Not helping,” you wail. “That’s it—I’m leaving.”

Oscar is quick on his feet, already tugging you to stay firm. “We haven't even gotten to the speech!” A familiar fire rushes through your orbs, burning him along the way. I don’t give a shit about that right now! I need to turn this in. 

“I’m sure Charlotte has one,” a friendly voice slides in, leaving you three to turn and face it. Lando awkwardly shrugs. “She’s really well organized, you know her. I’ll be right back.”

“Can I go with you?”

Blue eyes shift over, surprised to hear you speak. Anxiously, you bounce up and down against your heels. He gulps. “Of course.” He turns back to the Australian, who is busy comforting his girlfriend as if it was her grade on the line. “I’ll be right back.”

There’s a sort of tension that hangs steadily—or maybe he’s the only one who thinks so—but he tries his best to push past it. Of course, he was right, and Charlotte did have an extra charger, so that’s quite nice. As if this were the one and only resource of water in a hot desert night, you immediately take it from him, plugging it fiercely.

“You don’t know how grateful I am. You’re an absolute angel.” You’re quick to pick up where you left off. If you try hard enough, you can remember exactly what you need in order to have it done in a few minutes. 

“Glad I could help.”

He should probably leave, he thinks. He’s done all he could, but he doesn’t. Instead, he takes a seat across from you, contently closing his eyes as the sound of your keys brings him to a deep sleep. The sound of a computer shutting gently is what nudges him awake. You grimace. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been more quiet.”

Lando scrunches his eyes, rubs them for a couple of minutes. “It’s alright. You done?”

“Yes. Just in time—you really saved my ass, thank you again.”

A large hand waves you off, reclining against his comfortable spot. “You’re pretty dedicated to your work,” he mutters.

“I sort of have to be if I want to graduate on time and on top of my game. All those sleepless nights couldn’t have been for nothing.”

“Well, I don’t really know you that well…but I hope you pass,” he says. “Lando, by the way—you were probably too busy to catch it the first time.” He cocks his head to the side, a cheesy grin playing out. “And the second, as well.”

You giggle, shaking his humid hand. You don’t even seem to mind. “Third times a charm, no?”

“It appears it is.”

-

The objective was quite clear. Get you to leave your rotting bed. It was astounding how long you could go without getting up. You always blame it on the fact that—I’m finally done with my most important courses and I can sleep all I want—and—I never wake you up, now do I?

So, naturally, when they march into your room, flashing a phone—you curl a full brow. “What am I looking at?”

Oscar smiles. “Save his number. Right now.”

Lando Norris—winks back at you, digits causing a migraine to stir. You huff, reaching out for the blankets once again. “And why would I do that?”

Lily hums. “I tried to stop him, I really did.”

Beady eyes peek demandingly. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s really just one date—”

“What?”

“And if it doesn’t work out—”

You sit up straight and agitated. “What?”

“—then you won’t ever have to see him again?” The Australian flinches at your cold stare. “He thinks this was your idea…because I told him it was, but…” He winces harder. “Don’t make me look bad and please go!”

Lily squeals when you fling up, hunting him down your flat. “I am going to kill you!”

-

The Brit beams sweetly at you, pinching his hand a couple of times to pump his circulation that was suddenly lacking. “I’m a bit surprised you wanted to see—”

“This was all Oscar’s idea.” He blinks and you purse your lips. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I think he does it because the third-wheel act is starting to get to him. Asshole,” you hiss at the thought of the rookie.

Lando coughs, playing with his bracelets. “You’re not dragging me into anything. I want to be here.” Now it’s your turn to stare back at him, caught off guard. He chuckles. “I take it you haven’t gone on a proper date in a while?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Nah,” he yawns. “Oscar told me.”

Pounding your fist against the table, you yelp. “That little—he wants to ruin my life, I see.” You force a tight smile. “I’ve been busy with work…and…I’m—” A flash goes off from somewhere far away and you flinch. “A total catch. Like—total.”

Blue eyes flicker to the careful watchers surrounding the restaurant. “I don’t doubt that.”

“Good,” you respond, finally allowing yourself to rest easy. You raise a sharp brow. “Don’t you get tired of this?”

A few murmurs dance across the room, blinding lights continue. He sighs apologetically. “Right now I am. Let’s get out of here?”

You blush. “The bill…”

“My friend owns the place. I’ll pay him later.” He grabs your hand. “Let's go.”

The moment you slip into his car, panic rises fast. “I don’t hook up on first dates,” you spit out. “It’s not in my nature, I-I-I would rather get to know the person—”

“Then let’s get to know one another. I wasn’t looking for anything like…that,” he whispers, timidly. His blue eyes burn against yours. “I only wanted the chance to get to know you now that you don’t have your nose pressed up against a screen.”

A kind smile. “Okay.”

The more you two converse inside his crowded vehicle, the more you find yourself giggling against the rich seat. “You’re quite the charmer, Mr. Norris.”

“Thank God,” he jokes. “It’s working.”

Another giggle erupts when you nod. You’re sure that you're flustered, burning bright red from all his pick up lines, but you don’t have the strength to look away. “I’m glad we got the chance to talk. For real this time,” you add, sheepishly. 

“So am I.” 

And something inside of him tells him this isn’t the last.

taglist: @blueflorals @starmanv @coolio2195 @lovrsm @weekendlusting@chanshintien @brune77e @myownwritings @timmychalametsstuff @milasexutoire@alesainz @c-losur3 @darleneslane @togazzo @urfavnoirette @namgification @lpab @d3kstar @anniee-mr @nebarious

[childrenofcain-if]

Yeah, as accomplished and impressive as the mc is, the mc is far from a Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Literally, the scene with V where they try to cook? I cringed when I heard their plans for it (but trying new things is crucial to being good at them). Not to mention other scenes just showing the unbalanced lifestyle (I found Elias asking if the mc had their credit cards to be particularly hilarious) and things they lack. It's not like the mc reaches and touches an extracurricular, and whoops, Bam, Magnus Carlson!

They've also suffered not insignificantly (I can't possibly imagine losing a parent at that young of an age, let alone one you're close to.) And that nosebleed thing must've been a hell of a scare. Also - your reflection looking like that (as in non human or supernatural) would be terrifying. My life isn't notably bad, certainly not all sunshine and rainbows, but if I was offered to become mc and go through all that they will or even all that they have?

Yeah, I think I'll pass. I also think some of it might be people thinking the mc is completely effortless - which I have no idea where they got that - but it's evident while they aren't average in intelligence, they busted their ass off even if they try to play it laidback style. They got the best tutors in the world from a very young age - but that also meant they were using those resources constantly and studying. Not to mention, I think somewhere it's mentioned how mc's time was basically entirely split between studying, extracurriculars, and volunteering.

They're not a god. Just a mortal who had very fortunate resources who worked very, very hard with those resources. Hell, take a normal person with mid resources and have them use that schedule of studying, extracurriculars, and volunteering, and I'd bet they would turn out pretty damn accomplished/impressive too, even if they're not as good as the mc. It's what Richard Feymann said - you can get a normal person to understand quantum physics. They just have to study it well, hard, and for a while.

Yeah, the mc is rich and have quite the privilege, but that doesn't mean they didn't work hard for it and also lost some things in the trade off (mc might know how to cook if they weren't studying "all" the time and took the time to learn, for example)

Mc kind of reminds me of what's referred to as a glass cannon - exceptionally good at one or a few things, but at the severe (and probably unworthy) detriment of being very bad at others. Does mc even know what FAFSA is?

Also, the literal fatal flaw? An actual list? And mc can be as stupid (wisdom stat, not intelligence) and just party all the time.

If anons were going to pick on a character for being "too perfect" then M almost makes more sense. 10 languages, God knows how many instruments, in a good position in HoS, is probably crushing all of their classes, and is majoring in philosophy which can get wildly difficult now and again before toning back down (Nietzche, Kant, and Hegel, probably). Oh, they're also an RA. They to me seem more insane than mc does, even a mc who is designed to be crazy like vocal lessons, two sports, robotics, and debate club, with no burnout. And yet, they are perfectly flawed.

The mc just worked exceptionally hard, is clever, and had literally the best possible resources to get the most bang for their (or rather, Elias's) buck. I think about anyone would - at least - do very well in academia and extracirriculars if they had the best tutors in the world training them in those respective areas from a very young age.

this.

[thebibliosphere]

Hello there - I had a question which I think(?) you might be able to help with. Or at least point me in the direction of more information.

I have a few chronic illnesses and disabilities and as such there's many gremlins I deal with. One thing that crops up a lot are comorbidities between my conditions.

I'm trying to be more vigilant with regards to my health - as a child there were many, many missed opportunities to get my symptoms seen to by a doctor (all squandered due to my parents nor believing me about my symptoms).

Anyway, I wanted to ask about MCAS and if you know it's possible to have it but not realise it?

I've had a few incidents like this, but mostly forgot them or ignored them. But yesterday I ate some basil from my windowsill plant and I had what can only be described as an allergic reaction. I'm not allergic to any foods (as far as I know) but I've eaten from this exact plant before and been fine. I have mint growing next to it which I also ate and it caused the same reaction. Again, I've eaten from this exact plant before. It was like my mouth was burning or stinging and the leaves felt, spicy? In my mouth. I'm not sure how to describe it but I hope you know what I mean. Today I ate from the exact same plants and had no reaction whatsoever.

I've definitely had similar things happen before- but events like yesterday are few and far between. But utterly confounding when they do happen. I have urticaria (diagnosed since age 18) which I suspect is relevant, somehow.

I'm starting to wonder if a lot of my symptoms I've written off have actually been MCAS. But I'm not sure. Do you have any advice around talking to a doctor about this or if I have a leg to stand on so to speak?

Sending my best wishes!

Hey friend, sorry to hear you've been dealing with some neglect.

And considering MCAS was only really recognized as a condition in the last 15 years, it's absolutely possible to have it and not know until symptoms get worse. I was experiencing anaphylactoid reactions my whole childhood, but because I tested negative on IgE tests (I still do), it was dismissed as anxiety right up until I hit my 30s and I experienced my first episode of full-blown idiopathic anaphylaxis.

(Note: anaphylaxis is not a requirement for diagnosis, and not everyone experiences it.)

You should discuss your inconsistent allergies with your doctor or allergist. I would also advise pursuing allergen testing, as new allergens can develop at any time, even if you don't have mast cell instability.

If you suspect some form of mast cell instability may be the root cause of your issues, I'd suggest checking out The Mast Cell Disease Society. (Their website is in the process of being updated, still. But they have good resources there.)

Their signs and symptoms (and triggers) page has recently been updated and is fairly concise:

If any of that rings a bell, it might be worth bringing up with your allergist, but fair warning, not everyone is receptive to the idea of mast cell disorders outside of mastocytosis. (And even then some doctors gaslight their patients to hell and back.)

If you do find yourself in this situation, try joining a couple of support groups to see if there are any MCAS aware doctors in your area, or alternatively, try the TMS physician finder tool:

Sorry if it seems like I'm just throwing a lot of links at you, but they are very useful links and I'm not at my best right now to explain things.

I hope this is helpful and if I missed something, please let me know.

I wish you luck in remedying your chronic health issues <3

[potionpeddlerpatchy]

word count: 8.3K

paring: Bakugou x fReader

warning(s): oral(f! receiving), dirty talk, tit worship, slow soft sex that turns to rough sex, breeding, creampie. I think that's it, sex after a confession always leads to good fluffy sexy stuff.

authors note: well, this took longer than I was hoping for so I do hope it was worth the wait! I don't typically write Bakugou as I am never confident I can do him justice, but I do know how much everyone loves him (and I too find the dork just a lot of fun) - so to my Bakugou stans I hope I did good enough and I hope you all enjoy a surprisingly long fic of our favorite gremlin~🔮

You had meant to move about a month ago; you had gone through the whole process of finding the right apartment that fits your budget, was in a decent neighborhood, and was close enough to both yours and your friend's place of work. All that effort, months of it, was supposed to accumulate into one big celebratory day where you both moved all your things into your new home.

However, your family had other ideas. And thus, you were a helpless passenger flying between family members as they took their sweet time to say goodbye to you; unable to stop them from milking the melodramatics of your moving to a city so far away for who knows how long.

And your poor friend, who technically now was your roommate, had to move all her things by herself. To settle into a new place, routine, and life in a city also foreign to her, on her own. It was not the plan, but then again when did anything go according to plan for the pair of you? Despite her reassurance otherwise, you still felt awful about your false start.

But it wasn’t all bad. Your family gave you plenty of gifts to help kickstart your new adventure, items that would be more than helpful for living on your own and away from family and their abundance of resources. And your friend became quite friendly with the new neighbor.

Their meet-cute was something you missed while you were away visiting family. How he seemed to come to her rescue while she was struggling to get all her boxes up the four flights of stairs to the apartment - and of course, there was no elevator in the old building - how polite he was, how adamant that he help her out, how strong he was. All of it was something she gushed about to you on the phone that night, and you couldn’t help but giggle along with her.

Of course, it didn’t stop there. It seemed every day that led up to you finally moving into that place with your friend, she was on the phone with you talking about another encounter she had with the new neighbor. How he helped her bring her groceries up, helped her with building some of the new furniture sets you both bought, how he would come by to ensure she was okay - everything and anything. You knew basically all there was to know about the man before your friend even let you know his name.

Though you could understand why.

Kirishima Eijirou was a pro-hero after all, and despite being the friendliest one out there, he did want to uphold a semblance of privacy. It was only a few days before you moved in that you both found out his name and occupation; it was a bit of a surprise, but neither you or your roommate would blab about him to the media. After all, you were neighbors. If his privacy was to be infringed upon, yours would be too.

Besides, you didn't want to ruin the budding relationship that was forming between the two of them. If the media got involved, it would be ruined before it started.  So, you had no problem keeping your lips sealed tightly about it all.

You finally did meet Kirishima when you stumbled up the seemingly endless flights of stairs with your roommate, with the many boxes of your stuff. And you had to admit he was one of the sweetest, most infectiously friendly, men you had ever met in your life - and unlike your roommate, you took full advantage of the help he offered.

From there you got to enjoy the new bliss that was this adventure. Setting up your bedroom; adding decorations to the shared spaces; going grocery shopping for the foods you liked; and the overall fun you found, being in each other's company. This new routine was built of comfort, not the chaos you were previously used to; one you were happy to come home to. Though, that being said, you could never really find time to go out or socialize with your friend - at least not one-on-one anymore.

Kirishima was usually always there, greeting you with that same cheery smile whenever you emerged from your room in the morning to start your day. Whenever you came home from an errand or work, there he was on your couch cuddled up with your roommate. When you answered the door, there he was, greeting you with the same amiable demeanor.  You always returned the smile, always gave happy greetings back - again he was a nice guy - but after a few weeks of seeing him constantly, of becoming the (unwilling) third wheel to this honied new romance with your friend, it started to wear thin.

Bakugou could say the same.

All Kirishima could talk about was his new girlfriend. Bakugou couldn’t even begin to count the number of times he heard of their ‘chance encounter’ as if chance had anything to do with it - they lived next door. Their meeting each other was bound to happen, one way or another. And he couldn’t even begin to count the number of times the plans he made with his best friend were called off last minute for this girl.

It’s not like he wasn’t happy for Kirishima. He was glad to hear that after the hustle and grind that comes from their line of work, his best friend had finally started to date again. The pain caused by lack of privacy, and by lack of time to spend on romance or new relationships, in general, was no small thing. Bakugou knew that pain better than anyone… but this borderline obsessive, lurid behaviour Kirishima had towards his newfound relationship was starting to rub him the wrong way - the puppy love of it all made Bakugou want to gag.

And his best friend's new girlfriend had the worst roommate - bar none.

Bakugou could recall the awful encounter vividly. It was a Friday afternoon. He was on his way to start his evening patrol, walking over to Kirishima’s place as the redhead was to join him. But of course, Kirishima was not there, or at least he was not answering the door. After minutes of pounding and yelling, Bakugou figured the bastard was where he always was, at his girlfriend’s place. Stomping his way over, he barely had a chance to properly knock on the door before you swung it open - the look of utter annoyance and anger in your eyes as you looked up at him was something he would never forget.

“He’s not here.” That was all you said before slamming the door in his face.

Bakugou was never before left so stunned or speechless, at least not by an every day, quirkless, person, and he didn’t like it if the intentional stomping of his heavy boots and the huffing chest was anything to go by. Both Kirishima and his girlfriend got an earful about it when he finally managed to find them.

And to make matters worse, the next time he was to hang out at Kirishima’s place - to relax and unwind with a boy's night out - you were there. What was supposed to be a night getting drinks and letting go of all the stresses of their job turned into a movie night in - as that is what his girlfriend and you had planned, and Kirishima, unsurprisingly, wanted to join - forgoing the original plan, as if it was nothing. Bakugou visibly fumed in the doorway as he debated whether or not to join - with Kirishima convincing him of the latter.

And there he was, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from you, as the large single-use chair he wanted to sit in was occupied by Kirishima and his girlfriend. Bakugou truly wondered if he could resent his friend more than he did at that moment as he stared blankly at the screen before him - not bothering to even pay attention to the movie he was so rudely coerced into seeing. 

As the night neared its end, though, so did the height of that resentment. He watched from the corner of his eye as you scooted yourself a little closer to him; eyes shy and unsure as you gazed at his profile - Bakugou couldn’t help but lift an eyebrow in interest, eyes shifting to you and making you pause your movements.

“I want to apologize for the other day…” your tone was begrudging, he remembered that, as you began to explain your horrible behaviour when you both first met. How you had the worst headache and couldn’t get out of work, and the noise he was making caused you to snap. Bakugou simply shrugged his shoulders in acknowledgment after you were done, but that was all before his eyes moved back to the screen; yours followed suit after another beat with a nod of your head.

You thought maybe he had ignored your apology, given the dismissive way he regarded it, and you could not fault him for that. Nor could you fault his attitude towards you and the situation he was in that night, it was clear he had not wanted to waste his time watching a stupid movie a random stranger had picked out - you certainly didn’t want to if you had the choice. So, you simply chalked it up to him having a rough day and not wanting to deal with you and your silly excuses for your shitty behaviour.

But after that day, whenever he would be looking for Kirishima, you could barely hear his gently rapping at your door or the heavy boots as they walked across the hallway - a far cry from your first encounter.

In fact, most of your interactions with Bakugou were a light year from the initial two you had with him. You knew who he was, it was hard to ignore when his face was almost always plastered in the news or on screens in the city, and given what you could tell he was a bit brutish - standoffish and quick to anger - very much like how he was when you first had the pleasure of meeting him. It was supposedly a part of his charm, but you found nothing charming about it, that was until you extended that olive branch with your apology. The way he spoke to you after that, the softer tone - one that was almost hushed - always surprised you; it almost didn’t fit who he was but somehow you still liked it. You knew he did it because he was worried he might aggravate you, and your possible headache, further but it was the courteousness that made you start to warm up to him.

And Bakugou could say the same. He didn’t want to admit it, but you were fairly sweet - always apologizing when you would have to tell him his friend wasn’t there and giving him a fairly wise suggestion on where they might be; your tone and demeanor soft, always catching him off guard; as every time he knocked on your door he was expecting an incensed tone. And your eyes… Bakugou had always expected them to look cruel, to have the sharp hue they previously had when he first gazed into them. He was always surprised by how gentle they were, looking up at him. They continuously ambushed and captivated him, and he couldn’t stand it. He hated how pretty they were.

And it all just got worse from there.

At least that was how Bakugou saw it at first. He knew you probably did too, given the exhausted, almost fed-up expression you’d share with him whenever the pair of you crossed paths once more, in some shape or form, by the lovestruck pair. 

“I suppose misery loves company, and evidently, we seem to be her favourite kind.” you would murmur to him, in a mirthful tone, with a shrug of your shoulders before diverging paths in a fruitless, and endless, search to find - and subsequently, make sense of, - those lovesick two you call your closest friends. It wasn’t long before you found yourselves being dragged along on all the errands and lunches they had planned; being a forced pair to endure and join in on an afternoon or evening out for whatever they had planned.

“I don’t understand, why do they feel the need to invite us?” You would ask him, voice hushed as you both would walk a few steps behind them to avoid any ire from your complaining.

“As if I would know.” Bakugou scoffed, his ever-present scowl being turned in your direction “Not like I want to spend my free time here being a third party to their lovely bullshit.”

“Fourth party, I was here first” Your quick response would make his scowl soften, as you would smirk up at him; though it was only ever briefly as his gaze always made you shy “Maybe that’s why…”

“Why what?”

“Why they drag us along.” 

“Care to explain?” Bakugou asked, eyebrows furrowing as he regarded your shrugging shoulders.

“You haven’t figured it out? And here I thought you were smart!” 

“You fucking brat.” Bakugou couldn’t help but playfully shove you away, a smile forming on his face as your soft giggles filled the air as you stumbled about to try and regain your footing “Come on, out with it.”

“I think the reason….” You began, trying to keep your voice down once more to avoid suspicion. “I think the reason they drag us along is that they feel bad. It sucks when you're alone around a couple, but it's more tolerable when there is someone else in the same shoes as you.”

“I mean, yeah sure… but why not just leave us alone? Why invite us in the first place?” he asked, eyes fixated on the couple ahead of him as they started to make their way into a popular café; the destination of this trip. 

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“I guess, misery loves company. And we’re her favourite kind of company” Bakugou shrugged in a manner that was mimicking you.

“Oh, so you do listen to what I say!” You mocked, as you began to walk across the threshold of the café through the door Bakugou had opened “And here I thought nothing I said got through that thick skull of yours.”

Your giggles filled the air again as you felt his hand push at your shoulder causing your feet, and stride, to stumble as you tried once more to regain your balance - his herculean body shoving you away effectively stopping you from entering the café. The adrenaline rush of falling made your laughter even louder when you landed on the pavement; whether you were injured you couldn’t tell, you were too preoccupied at laughing at the man who had now closed to café door on you, watching through the glass as he muttered, with a smile, that you were a ‘fucking brat’.

~

Double dates, would be the most appropriate word for what followed, but you were always hushed and told differently when you would bring that word into play.

“I just want to see you get out of the house, to have some fun!” is what your roommate would defend with each time you griped and groaned at her for being forced into another ‘activity’

“You know, it would be nicer if it was just the two of us,” You’d shoot back, eyes glued to whatever task you were currently doing, knowing her puppy eyes were a weakness of yours. “Kirishima doesn’t always have to be there.”

“But he’s always so busy with his work!” She would pout, using that to her advantage as well, “It’s the only time I get with him! Please? You know how hard it is to find time with the both of you! Can’t you just come along, this will be the last time, I promise!”

She always said that. Always promised that this would be the last time you would be dragged along on another ‘outing’ that they had planned; last time she - they - would combine the need to hang out with a friend and go on a date. You would always sigh and agree to join, despite knowing the truth of the matter at hand, because…. well, she was right. Trying to find time to spare for both your social and romantic lives was difficult when you had to spend most of your time working so you could stay financially afloat.

Besides, you always had company. And Bakugou was slowly starting to prove to be your favourite kind of company.

He made being dragged along from event to event more tolerable. Whether that be having to help pick apples in a local orchard, or having to be a part of the standard photoshoot which followed, Bakugou made everything bearable. You couldn’t help but enjoy his snapbacks at Kirishima when being told to look or pose a certain way. His pained smile in every photo taken made you laugh so hard you could barely breathe.

Hiking and going to Farmer’s markets were tolerable too; you weren’t surprised that Bakugou was good at going uphill in uneven terrain; he was a prohero after all. But you were surprised, and grateful, at how good of a guide he was - always taking the lead so he could warn you of any possibilities to get hurt; lending a hand when needed without any sort of ire or condescension. And Sunday morning market runs turned into less of a chore when being guided to the best stalls, having someone hand pick the best items there, and having them use their fame to get you the best prices.

Traversing the many museums your roommate wanted to go to became quite the respite. Though you were perfectly fine splitting from the lovebirds and exploring on your own, it was nice to have a presence beside you; and you couldn’t deny how surprised you were whenever Bokugou would share with you a fact he knew about many of the exhibits you crossed.

And of course, traveling miles to see the country's largest aquarium was a real treat; one you suspected was a way for your roommate to apologize for always being dragged along to do the things she wanted to do. How you clung to her arm the whole time and dragged her (and the party) excitedly along to each giant tank to point out every marine animal that was housed there - rambling on and on about all you knew. And Bakugou, though he would tease that you were acting like a child, enjoyed seeing the way your face lit up again and again as you rambled on without a care; grateful you were never looking his direction, not knowing if he could live with the embarrassment of you seeing him look at you so softly.

Despite the forced proximity, you found a lot of enjoyment in spending your free time with that hotheaded man. And Bakugou could only agree that you made all these pointless so-called adventures convivial and worth giving interest to.

And those movie nights? The ones which were originally the bane of Bakugou’s existence? He found himself enjoying them the longer he stayed in your semi-forced company. He liked your commentary. He wanted to hear the little facts and details you’d point out as you mumbled into the popcorn you were trying to eat. He especially liked all the quick and smart jokes you would make on the more terrible movies that were chosen, knowing that his evening would actually be entertaining rather than tremendously painful to sit through. Over time, he longed to have you sit closer to him, to have you move from where you always sat at the other end of the plush couch to be right by his side. He yearned to feel your warmth against him, to hear what your whispers would sound like in his ear.

It was right where you belonged. That’s what he thought every time you would lean closer to him in some form or another; whether it was to move out of others' way, or to inform him of whatever thought crossed your mind. It’s where he wanted you to be.

Bakugou didn’t want to admit it, but he knew there was no way to deny it or try and convince himself otherwise, that he was starting to fall in love - or at least as close to love as he had ever experienced before - with you; that what started as him resentfully having to be around you morphed into something he was excited for; something he genuinely longed for.

But of course, his luck in romance was never as strong as it was everywhere else. And that unluckiness took, in this case, the form of his other prohero friends.

It was at the New Year's Party that they all held every year, a small get-together of close friends to celebrate another year together, and this year was Bakugou’s turn to host. And of course, Kirishima was going to bring his girlfriend; everyone was super excited after all to meet her. And Bakugou was hoping, though he would never admit it or ask, that you would be there too.

He couldn’t help the way his eyes lit up when you saw your figure enter his apartment, following behind the couple you came with; as you exclaimed a “Happy New Year!” towards him and the group your eyes were greeted with.

And he couldn’t help the way he bit his lip as his eyes raked over your figure. The outfit you were in, though it was cute - and in line with how you normally dressed - was a little more risque than normal; and he couldn’t help but wonder, all the blood in his body turning hot over the thought of, if you did it for him.

But things started to fall apart when Kaminari and Sero introduced themselves. You spent the whole night giggling and joking with them as if they were old friends. It was something that took Bakugou months to achieve, and yet, somehow, the pair managed to coax all of that out of you so easily. And your attitude, your presentation, was so unlike how you were with him. You were more demure than Bakugou had ever before witnessed. He’d never seen you act so shy, all bashful and blushing. It made his heart hurt and his blood to boil in anger as he watched it all, his whole night ruined by seemingly harmless interactions.

After that, both men started joining you whenever there was an outing - suddenly tables at restaurants were seating six instead of four. And his beloved movie nights, the one time and the chance he had you to himself - to be the only one so close to you -  were infiltrated with two extra bodies that sandwiched themselves between him and you.

He hated how endearing, and appealing, they were; and how it was working on you so effectively. Bakugou wasn’t a stranger to their lovable personalities - they were his closest friends for a reason. It was just, he wanted nothing more than to be the one to make you smile like that, to make and hear you giggle that obnoxious but cute giggle, to tuck your hair behind your ear and have you be unable to look him in the eye after, to have you fall asleep against him whenever the movie nights ran too long. All of it, he wanted to do all of it with you.

But he figured, maybe, he wasn’t the right man. 

Perhaps you were looking for someone more like Kaminari, who was spontaneous, adventurous, and fun-loving; who would take you on endless surprise dates, and have you guess on where it might be - always having it end up being the most fun you ever had. Someone to continuously, unabashedly fawn over you, and make you laugh at the dumbest things.

Or, maybe someone like Sero, who was so effortlessly charming no matter what he did. A partner who can make you both smile so brightly and have a blush burning your cheeks with one simple word. Someone who could make you feel like the most special person in the world with just a touch, who could pull you into a dance at just the right moment. 

Why would you ever want him? The loud, angry, brutish hero everyone saw him as?

Bakugou started to pull away. To slowly stop being a part of the so-called ‘outings’, or helping with errands, or coming by on movie nights. He began to focus all his attention back on his hero work like he did before he met you, to divert all of his time, energy, and focus back on his goal of becoming the best hero he could be, to attempt to erase you and the thoughts of domestic content out of his mind. To try and avoid you at all costs, to spare him the heartbreak you inadvertently caused whenever he looked at you. 

But he couldn’t avoid it forever - he knew that - the inevitability that he would need Kirishima, and subsequently have to go on a hunt to find him was always looming in the back of his mind; how it would ultimately lead to you. Bakugou knew the day would come, and it did, it just took longer than expected. He needed to ask Kirishima if he could cover a patrol shift for a hero who called in sick; and though Bakugou would take it in a heartbeat if he could, to avoid the possibility of you, he was off-field duty until he finished the mountains of paperwork from his last mission  - and he ran out of options.

He walked up to your door, that familiar off-white he had grown used to seeing, and made sure to rapt as gently as he could - like he always had - for your sake, as he waited for an answer; his breath caught in his throat, almost suffocating on the air from the awkward nerves that consumed him which came from showing his face after so long.

“Please don’t let her answer, please not her, please….” he pleaded like a mantra in his mind, but of course it was you, answering the door and greeting him with your usually soft surprise and beautiful eyes.

“Hi stranger, you just missed him.” You mumbled out, body leaning onto the open door you were half hiding behind “He left in a hurry, something about going on patrol to fill for another hero or…. Yeah”

There was a pause, and Bakugou knew you left it for him; knew that you wanted him to say something like a ‘thank you’ or ‘see you later’ or an acknowledgment of his lack of presence, lately. Instead, he began to turn away from you, unable to say anything, or be confronted any longer by your wide, sad eyes. 

“It’s been a while… “ You mumbled, starting the conversation again, not wanting him to leave, “You know… since I last saw you.”

“Yeah, been busy.” Bakugou shrugged, trying to play nonchalant, as he stepped away from your door.

“W-well-!” You blurted, your loud tone startling not only you but Bakugou, causing your head to bow sheepishly  “I-if you’re not busy or anything…. would you, um, like to come and join me for a movie?”

“A movie?” Bakugou asked, a smile briefly twitching on his lips over your behavior and invitation.

“Well, yeah. It’s Friday and normally everyone is either here or at Kiri’s for our usual movie night, but tonight it’s just me. And… and…. I-I’m really hoping you’ll join me…”

You were fiddling with your fingers, a nervous habit you had when you were unsure of something, or wanted something you didn’t know if the other person would want too. And how was Bakugou supposed to say no to that?

“What movie?” He grumbled, trying his best not to be affected by the bright smile that overtook your face as he further pushed through your door to enter your apartment.

“I-I haven’t picked yet, don’t really know what kind of mood I’m in, ya know? You, um, can choose what you like!” The last bit of your sentence was harder to hear as you went into the kitchen to get some more snacks and another drink for your newfound company.

“Where is everyone?” Bakugou asked, plopping down on your couch, as he began to fuss with your remote, and its less-than-responsive connection to your TV, to boot up your streaming service.

“Well… my roomie is out of town to visit her family; it’s her mom’s birthday.” You gave a smile as you began to set the items in your down on your small coffee table.

“What about Sero and Kaminari?”

You paused your motions for a brief moment, not expecting them to be brought up before you shrugged “I’m not sure, I haven’t really seen them much lately either - probably scared them off, you know how I get some days.”

“You’re not that bad.” Bakugou scoffs, trying his best not to be affected by your mirthful smile “What kind of movie do you want? Good or bad?” 

“Uh… a bad one. It's been a tough week and I could use a laugh” You smiled before settling in on the couch beside him and handing him a drink; a bowl of popcorn nestled in your lap.

The silence settled over you both as the movie began to play; the sounds of its action and dialogue broken only by whenever you decided to share some of your commentary on the plot, and tell your jokes, varying degrees of laughs over it all. Before long, Bakugou couldn’t help but join in; as if the month spent apart never happened, and you both fell back into that blissful comfort you had built up, enjoyed, and so grieved in its absence. 

“I missed you.” You whispered out as the movie’s credits began to wash over the screen; it was so faint, yet Bakugou heard it like thunder in his ears, as his bewildered eyes fell on you.

“What?”

“I missed you. Things aren’t really the same, or as fun without you around…” You mumbled a little louder, unable to bring yourself to look at him during your confession; the silence returned, falling upon you, much like the night you first apologized to him - it crushed and consumed you as it did then, causing you to change the subject.

“You wanna watch another one?” You leaned forward to grab the remote, passing it over to him “Cause we can! You can put on one of your favourites, I know you’ve been trying to show some of them to me for a while.”

“Sure.” was all he could muster as he grabbed the control to play yet another movie. Trying his best to not be affected by the leaning of your body into his side once the opening scene began to play.

There was less talking this time, Bakugou knew it was because you were sheepish over your little confession, and his lack of response to it, and just wanted to hide. And he just didn’t know what to say, was never good at easing situations like these. Though after a while the silence became more palatable as you both gazed at the screen ahead. Though that tentative peace was disrupted when your arms snaked between his arm to encase it in a weird sort of hug.

“H-hey!” He didn’t mean to jump, or try and pull away at what you did, but he couldn’t help but be startled by it “What’s this all about, huh?”

“N-nothing, I’m sorry, I’ll just stop…” you began pulling away, and though you tried hard to mask it, the warble in your voice still came through.

“Don’t stop.” Bakugou spoke firmly, fully turning towards you and holding your shoulders to keep you in place so you could hide or run from him “Just tell me why you’re acting like this. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothings wrong!” You began, the tears in your eyes welling and blurring your vision “I just really really missed you, okay?”

“No, not okay! Why are you crying, I doubt you missed me so much over that.”

“I’m… I’m worried you don’t like me anymore… that I did something to make you hate me.”

“I’m not mad at you” Bakugou sighed, shoulders losing all tension as he gazes down at you “Or hate you. Just really busy with hero work right now.”

“That’s not true,” you sniffled, though the firmness in your voice and the stern look in your eyes as you gazed back at him, caused him to almost flinch “That’s not true, and you know it. Hero work didn’t make you suddenly get up and leave one day, didn’t make you just stop wanting to be around me, or talk to me. So, why did you?”

“Because… because… I… I just…” Bakugou began, trying to find the right words but unable to get his tongue to form any of them.

“Bakugou, please, just be honest with me!” You exclaimed, eyes pleading with him to just say anything, trying to push away from him in your anger, but to no avail; his grip on your shoulders just got stronger.

“I like you okay!” He finally managed to blurt out “But of course, you didn’t notice with stupid fucking Kanimari and Sero taking all of your goddamn time lately! And how they began hogging you, how was I supposed to react, huh? Was I supposed to be okay with them being so fucking friendly? To have them make you smile and laugh that stupid laugh yah have and make yah so fucking happy when that’s all I wanted to do! I like yah a lot, but I figured with all of this it meant you didn’t like me back, so I just fucking went away, okay?

“You’re such an idiot.” You whispered after an almost stunned pause, shaking your head as you gazed at him, watching as his chest rose and fell rapidly while he tried to regain his breath.

A giggle bubbled up your throat as you bit your lip to hide the smile crossing your face, eyes still glued to the clueless man in front of you; watching as his brows began to furrow even further in anger over your response. He never did get to voice a syllable of his anger before your lips pressed to his, your hands coming to cup the side of his face to pull him a little closer - a little deeper - into the kiss.

You pulled away far too quickly for Bakugou’s liking as his lips tried to follow yours; you giggled again at him, and he finally opened his eyes to look down at you, his smile mirroring your own when you whispered out “I like you too.”

This time, he kissed you, his smile could be felt against your lips at your confession; overjoyed that his feelings were actually reciprocated. It didn’t take long before the movie was forgotten over the mutual want, and need, to make up for the lost time. Bakugou quickly took control; tilting your head back, cradling your neck, and keeping you in place as he deepened the kiss - taking the lead and dominating it with a satisfied hum.

And how quickly those soft, sweet kisses, with little giggles and murmurs of sweet nothings in between when your lips parted, turned into something headier; heavier as the two of you grew louder. The smacking and sucking of lips as they continuously connected felt frantic as the minutes passed like nothing, saliva coating your chins as you both refused to part - to catch even one breath. Your hands wandered down his chest, pulling him by the soft cotton fabric of his t-shirt to hover over you as you shifted to lay fully down on the soft cushions.

The change in position is what finally snapped Bakugou back into reality, out of his spell your soft lips had lured him into, as he finally pulled away from the kiss; tugging your hair gently to stop you from trying to chase after another as he did his best to dull the burning ache in his lungs.

You weren’t making it easy for him though, arching your back to snuggly press your chest to his as you stared up at him with those lust-filled eyes, making his body grow hot and pants tighten as you begged him to “Please don’t stop.”

“You sure you wanna do that, beautiful?” He masked his shaky, broken, breath with a hum and he nudged his nose with yours. “Think you’re ready for all that?”

“Of course, I am.” Your bottom lip sticking out in a pout “More than ready! Please, Katsu?”

“You’ll be the death of me, you know that?” Bakugou sighs out, lips attacking yours once more as his hands move to hike up your legs so his knee can slide, and rest, between them.

The resulting gasp that leaves your lips when you feel his knee press up against your cunt is met with a chuckle as he begins to travel his hot kisses across your cheeks and down your neck; tongue lavishing the smooth skin he finds there, marring it with small nips and sucks as he calloused hands wandered underneath your sweater; your skin jumping at the newfound friction as he slowly began dragging the fabric upwards and off your body.

Your skin erupted in goosebumps when it met the cold air, though you really couldn’t mind when he followed suit, his gloriously chiseled chest - one you knew took years to build - was before your eyes and at your fingertips. Bakugou allowed you a moment to drink it all in, to get your fill, before nudging your curious hands away in favour of resuming the task at hand.

His lips trailed over your newly exposed, supple flesh, down the valley between your breasts, and inhaling the scent of your skin and his rough palms began to roll and squeeze at your mounds through the soft cotton bra you decorated them in.

It all felt so heavenly, and though your heart swelled at the fact, and thought, that he was willing to go slow for your sake, it just wasn’t enough for you, if the small whimpers and wiggling of your hips were any indication. You needed, craved, more of his touch.

“Katsu, please!” You finally whined, body too hot to lay comfortably still or endure this slow torment anymore. “Stop going so slow, I need more!”

Your complaint ended with a strangled cry as you felt his teeth sink harshly into your hardened nipple, the fabric doing nothing to dull the ache.

“Stop whining…” He grumbled out, voice low as his teeth tug once more at the abused bud, before letting it go “Been waiting a long time for this, and I’m gonna do it right, ya hear? So just lay back and let me do what I want.”

You merely let out a whimper and nod in response, his chuckle and mummer of ‘good girl’ going straight to your core and he continued his adoration of your chest; the latches of your bra finally slacking as he removed the only barrier between your sensitive skin and his warm breath. His lavishing turned more aggressive as he began to nibble, kiss, nip, and tug at the supple flesh - leaving his marks wherever he saw fit - with your moans and mewls spurring him on further.

“What did I say?” Bakugou growled, hands shoving your wiggling hips back down onto the couch.

“I can’t help it!” You sob, hands coming up to tug at his hair in frustration “Just wanna feel more of you, wanna feel you inside, please!”

“God, baby,” He groaned, head ducking down against your chest to try and regain the resolve he just lost; shaking his head after a moment, shushing you with a kiss before you could whine once more,  “Not yet… but promise I’ll make you feel good, give you want you want, okay?” 

Without another word, Bakugou swiftly pulled both your sweats and panties down your leg; baring your bottom half to him and the heady air of the room you were in, kissing one of your calves while settling your legs to sit comfortably on his shoulders. His thumb began tracing up and down your wet folds as he marveled at the sight.

“Such a pretty pussy, baby…” He whispered out, his other thumb joining to spread you open further, enjoying the way your thighs jumped as his hair tickled them as he leaned in close for a better look “So, so, pretty.”

He wasted no further time before confidently swiping his tongue up and down your glistening cunt; relishing in the broken moan you let out when his tongue began circling your clit; all restraint leaving him when your hands tugged at his hair as his lips finally wrapped around your little button, sucking mercilessly.

He was utterly filthy with the way he ravished your cunt, the amount of spit he gathered between his mouth and your pussy as he abused your poor clit with onslaughts of tongue flicking, was obscene as his slurping could be heard over everything else in the room as he tried to taste more of your sweet juices. He watched your pretty head thrash from side to side, and listened to you wail as he dragged his tongue up your fluttering hole, just to shove himself deep inside you.

You were losing your mind to the pleasure, your hips unable to stay still as your moans and cries of pleasure were released unabashedly like a mantra to the gods above; nails digging harshly into the pillows nearby and your lover's scalp as you tried desperately to ground yourself, to little avail, as you begged and whined for him to let you cum.

Your sounds were beautiful, and Bakugou couldn’t deny, they were certainly doing something to his ego, but they were also going straight to his cock, twitching and aching for you, uncontrollably. And if he wanted to avoid a noise complaint, and not cum in his pants like a teenager, he had to do something.

“Stop squirming!” Bakugou groaned, pinning your hips once again within his iron grip “Told you to stop it, you brat”

“M’sorry,” you hiccuped, thighs twitching and squirming over the need to gain some of the lost stimulation “I’m… M’just close, wanna cum.”

“You will, baby,” Bakugou hummed, arm stretching across your body to have his fingers tap at your lip “Open wide, and suck on these like a good girl, okay?”

You do so without a word. Lips part to accept two of his thick digits into your waiting mouth; tongue swirling almost instantly as you hollow your cheeks, he could feel the gentle vibrations of your moans when the pads of his fingers pressed down on your tongue.

“Such a good girl,” Bakugou groaned, the sight alone almost made him come undone, as he leaned back down to continue what you so rudely interrupted.

You did as you were told, sucking so diligently on Bakugou's fingers as he continued to push you over the edge; moaning, though muffled, was constant as you tried to maintain a rhythm. - afraid that he might stop again.

Not that Bakugou would. You were driving him wild, and now he wanted nothing more than to make you cum; first on his face, and then on his cock. Talking between breaths about how pretty your pussy is, how good you were, how he’s gonna stretch you open, all while fucking you with his tongue; his sucking and slurping filling the air in between his words. All this while trying to keep his composure from the sight of your debauched face messily sucking his fingers to keep quiet; feeling your drool run down his wrist. 

It didn’t take long. Bakugou’s words, sinful tongue, and moans against your cunt made your eyes roll to the back of your skull, causing you to let out a strangled cry as your toes curled and thighs twitched - doing their best to crush his head as he continued to slurp and suck your cunt; cleaning you up; hands pinching and squeezing at your hips to try to soothe your shaking body.

“You think you’re ready for more, babygirl?” Bakugou asked voice strained as his hands began frantically fumbling with his belt “Ready for me, baby?”

“Y-yes… ah-!” Your cry ended with a small whimper as you felt Bakugou slap the tip of his cock against your puffy clit

“You sure?” He teased, tone mocking your own as he slots his heavy cock between your folds; chuckling at the way your twitching little hole tries to suck him in “Want me to fuck you?”.

“Yes, please! I want you so bad, only want your cock, want it to fill me up, want it so bad, please!” 

“So fucking needy…” Bakugou cursed, slowly pushing his thick cock head into you, gritting his teeth at just how tight you were for him “But so fucking good.”

His hips meet yours with a snap, causing you to cry out as tears cling to your lashes; not used to the feeling of being so full. His hand, still wet with your drool, pinches your cheeks together slightly to force you to look back at him.

“Eyes on me, got it?” He commands, though gentle in tone, waiting for you to nod your head before pulling out to thrust into you again.

His pace is deliberate, thrusting into you slowly, deeply, hitting every spot that makes you see stars; your mind still a little hazy, and body still too sensitive from the most recent orgasm, as your muscles jump and twitch at every drag of his heavy cock as you cling to him. Moaning his name as your nails dig into his back, watery eyes doing their best to stay on him as your face heats in embarrassment and blood rushes to your ears; barely able to hear the groans that pass his bitten red lips.

Bakugou was relishing, savoring, the feeling of your walls clamping down on him, milking him as he watched those tears threaten to fall from your beautiful eyes as you gaze up at him; your hot breath mingling with his own as your lips brushed his with every heavy thrust in, tempting him to lean down to connect them fully.

As heavenly as it was; you need more, more, more.

“Katsuki, more please!” You sighed, pulling him into a brief kiss to entice him further. When your request was met without change; his pace still agonizingly slow, your lips formed that familiar pout. “Come on Katsu, faster! You said you would fuck me!”

“You want me to fuck you, hah?” Bakugou growled, sitting up to push your legs into your chest, not bothering to care that his nails were digging into your skin “I’ll fuck that pretty little cunt until you’re screaming my name until you’re begging me to cum inside you.”

Each of his words was emphasized by a rough thrust of his hips, each drag of his length against your inner walls so perfect, making your eyes flutter and threaten to shut from the intense pleasure. His muscles rippled from the increased speed as his hips met yours, again and again, making sure his pelvis bullied your clit with each forward motion; cock burying itself even deeper inside you and hitting that spongy spot in your aching cunt that made you gush - soaking his coarse pubic hair and making a mess of you both.

Your cries of his name and tears of pleasure were met with mocking whenever you wailed out that it was too much; his rough tone growled at you to, “take his cock, like the good little brat you are.”

“Yeah, you wanted harder, so you fucking take it.” He snarled, pushing your legs even closer to your chest; lifting you higher as his balls pressed firmly against the curve of your ass; cock buried inside you to the hilt as his tip kisses your cervix. “M’gonna fill you up with my cum, n’you’re gonna keep it all in this sloppy pussy, yeah?”

“Y-yeah…” You mumbled with a nod, eyes glossy as your walls twitch around him.

“Good fuckin girl.” 

His grip tightens as his pace picks up to an even more brutish one, heavy cock bullying its way into you to pound that spongy sweet spot to make you gush and squirm for him. He was so close and wanted nothing more than to feel you sweet cunt milk his cock for all it was worth.

Your eyes finally closed due to the surmounting pleasure and pressure in your core; eyes rolling back once more as your nails raked down his back, leaving angry, red lines in their wake, and causing Bakugou to hiss in pain and pleasure. Wailing out his name one final time before cumming, hard; whimpering in overstimulation of the final few thrusts it took before Bakugou finally filled you up.

The weight of Bakugou’s body was comforting as he lay atop you; peppering kisses along your chest and neck as you both tried to recover from such intense pleasure. You pulled his head from your neck to press your lips to his in a final, and much needed, sweet kiss.

“You okay?” Bakugou whispered, eyes scanning her face for any signs of pain or discomfort, singing in relief when you nodded your head.

“Sorry I made us miss the movie” You giggled breathlessly, turning your head to the TV and watching the credits scroll across the screen.

Bakugou smirks, grinding his hips against yours and making you gasp “We can miss another one if you want.”

[rxzennia]

echoes from afar

– tales of the voracity pathstrider

✎𓂃 your friends… they call for you. this was from a few version updates ago, but i've been mad busy and unmotivated these days… :( lore with a sprinkle of aventurine. a very, very tiny sprinkle. so i thought i could get this up last week. i am a clown. also, samsung's one ui 6 is so ugly (edit: i got used to the ugly ui. still doesn't quite like it, though. but i got used to it enough to tolerate it). 

→ part ii (wip? deciding. lmk if a sequel sounds cool.)

you didn't think you'd hear your own species ever again. oroboros is somewhere in the universe, qlipoth was probably keeping them out of where civilizations are, and the rest are all either dead or scattered. but here you are, hearing distant screeches from a star system lightyears away from yours, the sound slowly getting closer, closer, closer.

the war between aeons seems inevitable now that you've walked the land amongst mortals, seen their strife, and tasted the ever-so-familiar touch of entwining paths heralding the conflict. the longer you spend living, masquerading as someone who will someday die, you see the violent undercurrents under every calm ocean, as if everything is running on a countdown.

of course, you will never truly understand any of that; time has never been a limited resource for you.

you can almost hear the screeches of your own kin right by your ear

but you know, clear as day, that there's only you on the balcony right now

you're alone on the balcony of aventurine's bedroom, your boss snoring away comfortably cuddled up to his cats

you haven't been able to sleep for a while

not since you've heard the first cry of a leviathan in literally ages

leviathans seldom communicate with one another, so why would they suddenly reach out now?

and you were fairly certain that oroboros is the only other one left

well, the only one that's still actively doing who-knows-what somewhere, anyways

either what you're hearing is the lingering cries of those who are already gone

or you're delusional and you're hallucinating

aventurine doesn't seem to notice your absence, probably because of his abundance of things to cuddle with apart from your person. a good thing, you suppose, because your chronically stressed boss needs his beauty sleep.

you don't intend to drag anyone into your worries. it's nothing you can't handle alone – or, rather, it's not something mortals can handle, even with an organization as robust as the ipc. your existence, your true descent of a dusk leviathan, your connection to the aeon of voracity, none of which are burdens your companions should bear. 

it's these quiet moments when your kin raises their voices and sing in your ears

no, scrap that poetic shit, more like screech in your ears

they recognize prey, they recognize a hunting ground, a free-for-all

it's only natural, you suppose, lest predators start to devour each other in hunger

they're trying to locate you, the sound echoing, bouncing back, as they seek out food

"i'd strongly advise against doing that," you mumble, patting your scarf idly, as if you can't be bothered to care

they're not too far from where your true form slumbers, it seems, and it's easier than a cakewalk to force them into submission

and yet, you cannot locate them

you have their general location, but you can't pinpoint their exact coordinates

you try again, and again, until you come to a realization

they're dead a long time ago; there is nothing for you to find

their wails echo into nothingness, a void that is even more empty than oroboros's stomach

by the time you realize the purpose of these ancient cries, your true form is already stirring from its slumber. in all its majesty, its maw parting to split heaven and hell, until it swallows the carcasses of your kin, until it slithers through the stars, seeking out its next meal.

for the first time in the entire two thousand amber eras of your "existence", you feel hungry. famished, even, and it is a strange feeling.

have you gotten too accustomed to the mundane?

have you been domesticated?

quite some good questions, actually

how long has it been since you've actually allowed yourself the pleasure of devouring planets?

far too long

but it's wrong to eat civilizations

it's wrong to put an end to so many histories and futures because you were feeling peckish

it doesn't even actually "fill" you, so that's just triple the wrong

well, by the textbook definition of wrong, anyways

you don't really understand, but you know the general consensus of "eating people bad"

but your stomach yearns for the familiar feeling of life in its void

you turn around to take a peek at the peacefully sleeping man in the bed, safely tucked away in the blankets

a perfect prey right there, defenseless and unsuspecting

it would be so easy to just gobble him up without anyone noticing

and you could slip away just as easily

your entire profile is fabricated – you can always just make another "you" elsewhere 

but you find yourself extremely reluctant to even wake your extension coiled around the oddly-shaped cats

you find the trust that mortals impart upon you a gift of most intrigue

it is such a fragile, precious thing, and yet they offer it to you freely

especially this man who you serve as an assistant…

aventurine. 

it isn't even his real name, but you find yourself mouthing the syllables again and again. this man who is bestowed the title of a gemstone, wielding the power of the amber lord who strives to protect mortals from your kind like you're some sort of eldritch horror, yet also the one who has you wrapped around his finger.

and you're one of the select few he holds close to his heart. against all odds, he had let you into his heart, see his wounds and scars, and trusts you with all of them. he might act the way he does, but you know how delicate he is underneath all that bravado.

out of curiosity, you try to move the leviathan amongst the pile of limbs, sheets, and felines

as you expected, it doesn't want to answer

it seems that your body doesn't want to act on any malicious intents

you really did get domesticated… 

oh, aeons, it'll come back and bite you in the ass someday, won't it?

even if you have no qualms about eating anything that's not intelligent 

like monsters and stuff

but still

you shouldn't have developed aversion to devouring entire persons

…

it is what it is, you suppose

but holy fuck, those screeches from galaxies away just would not stop

"fucking oroboros, shut the hell up already," you groan, pulling up your scarf to muffle your complaints, "i'm not eating anyone here."

if there was someone behind all this pestering, you definitely would've gone and beaten them up. but. but. there's no one behind this. none that you can think of.

unless it really is oroboros themselves, which you'll have an even bigger problem on your hands. you really hope it isn't.

the noises clear up into words, whispering into your ears

consume. devour. feed. destroy. 

cast them into the void. let them be your sustenance. take their power as your own.

you are a predator. why are you among prey?

they are many but fragile. why do you still hesitate?

no.

no, they are not fragile.

they are not prey.

they are not sustenance.

do not speak of them as if they are nothing but food.

what do you know of the people inhabiting the countless planets in the cosmos?

what do you know of the storms they have weathered?

humanity is stronger than you would ever know.

tonight will be a long night, it seems. you can only hope that this doesn't manifest as some sort of personality disorder. come morning, these thoughts will go away as your mind becomes occupied with work.

there are four system hours until then. 

a leviathan like you, a monster of the cosmos… 

shut up. shut up. shut up. shut up. shut up.

be quiet already.

wish as you may, they will continue to torment you.

why? because they seek answers.

how long will you keep wearing the skin of sheep?

[cameoliob]

what are your headcanons for kallus and jovan? how did they get together? who fell first and whose heart broke first? do they still hate each other when kallus joins the rebellion or do they simply act like the pettiest bitches towards each other? enquiring minds want to know

ANON THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THIS IVE BEEN WAAIITTTIINNNGG

Before I get into this I have to legally preface that 1. I’m a Kallus from the lower levels truther + I operate off the assumption that he does not have any family and that plays a decent role in what's going on 2. We dont know alot about Jovans personality so I lowkey just go off vibes but in my brain, teenage him is starry-eyed, a little naive, but SO kind. Older him is a little bit of a douche (not terrible, just the kind of guy that you have to scoff at whenever they talk too much). 

Okay I have a whole headcannoned timeline so im gonna lay this out for u

It's 19 BBY, the empire just started enlisting and all the rich Coruscanti kids are FIGHTING for a chance to go to the academy because “wow that sounds so much more fun than regular university.” Jovan is a part of this demographic. 

So you’ve got this whole class of rich kids doing rich kid things, and Jovan is having a great time; it’s the fourth week of school, he’s found his friend group, he gets along great with his bunk mates, everything is fantastic.

Except theres just this one… fucking guy…

This guy is in, like, half of Jovans classes and Jovan just can’t stop thinking about him because where in stars name did this skinny, scrappy, snappy, kid with a gnarly side eye come from???? Why is he so sickly looking???? And so mean????

And Jovan’s always been a curious guy, he wants to figure out what this guy’s deal is so he, of course, takes it upon himself to befriend this Edward Cullen looking ass dude. Easier said than done; Jovan finds out very quickly that Kallus does not trust easily and it takes at least three weeks of Jovan forcing his friendship on him (inviting him to sit with him in the mess hall, offering to help with assignments, sitting next to him in class, ect.) for Kallus to hold a full conversation with him. 

From there, though, it gets easier. Turns out that Kallus is, quite possibly, the coolest guy Jovan has ever met. He doesn't gaf about what people think about him, he’s gotten into fist fights before (real ones, not sparring!), he fucking parties, he fucks, he can hotwire a speeder, he’s so naturally smart, and cunning, and resourceful– Jovan is completely entranced by this guy. 

^^^(completely entranced by this guy.. I never said Jovan had good taste)

In the meantime, Jovan helps Kallus out with some of the pre-req classes needed for their first year, because as cool as he is, Kallus is not good at physics. 

By the end of their first year at the Academy, Jovan and Kallus become very close. It’s that kind of friendship between guys that, if you saw it from an outsider's perspective, you’d be like, “oh… are they..?? Do they..????? What???” but tbh they don't even think about it because they’re too busy being stupid

Now, the imps do NOT like taking days off, BUUUUT all those rich families donating to the academy do, so I imagine that– at least in the first few years of the empire– the academy had a short, 3 or so week long summer break. 

So we get to break, and Kallus is like “oh wait, I don’t have anywhere to go over break, guess I’ll just rough it out on the streets for a few weeks ig. Nothing new tbh.” And Jovan is like, “What???? No???? You’re not doing that????” and Jovan invites Kallus to tag along on his family vacation (idk where they go, maybe like Naboo or smth, I didn't think that far). Kallus obviously accepts. 

So they go on this vacation, and Jovan is thinking to himself, Waiiiiiittttt a minute………. I actually have wanted him so bad for like 3 months. Maybe it was a bad idea to invite him, like I’m gonna blow my cover fuckuckufckufcjukcf.  But he’s like not trying to do anything about it because he’s all nervous. But THEN, last week of vacation Kallus is like. “I actually think that you should let me kiss u on the mouth.” and Jovan is like “okay bbg say less.” (Jovan fell first if that wasn’t clear)

(This situation is about to get ALOT gayer)^^^

AND THEN THE BREAKUP

They graduated the academy a year prior, Kallus has been doing his ISB training, Jovan has been doing whatever tf you do to become a lieutenant. They’ve been together for four-ish years atp. 

Kallus is SO locked in with his ISB training. Like he was a dedicated student before (he was top of his class for a reason), but this is borderline obsession. He’s never home, always working, always tired, ect ect. In the meantime, Jovan is climbing the ranks and he is lowkey kind of power tripping over it. He’s getting kind of entitled, a little passive aggressive, and is not really putting effort in tbh.

So Jovan is all annoyed because Kallus is always at work and he literally just wants to hang out with his boyfriend. Tbh, he thinks that Kallus is getting way too ambitious way too quickly.

And Kallus is all annoyed because Jovan isn’t giving him any good reasons to leave work, in fact, Jovan has been grating his nerves lately because he doesn’t do anything. Jovan isn’t ambitious enough. 

The resentment is BUIILLLDDDIINNNGGG

The night they break up is FUCKING CRAZY, OKAY

Jovan picks a fight because he fucking feels like it and Kallus is not having ANY OF IT. Huge blowout fight ensues; Jovan says something classist or something, Kallus calls him an “entitled, prissy twat,” Jovan tells Kallus with the “you wouldn’t have even graduated without my help,” Kallus fuckinf kicks the wall or something, Jovan starts yelling about the drywall, Kallus is like “okay, fuck you AND your goddamn drywall,” and JUST LEAVES

The next day Jovan comms Kallus like “bbg pleapelaleapsleapsleaplsea I messed up im sorry plzplzpzpzlpzlzpzlzp” and Kallus ignores the hell out of him. 

Kallus is pissed because tbh if things just went better, he honest-to-god would have married that man, but noOOOooOOooO, Jovan had to be STUPID

AND THEN SIXTEEN YEARS LATER KALLUS ARRESTS THAT HO and he is SOOOO HAPPY ABOUT IT

But then Jovan shows up in the rebellion and Kallus is so annoyed. 

Because for 1. He is kind of prissy and self important and most people would agree with that 2. No way they ended up in the same place after 18 years, that is so bs, and 3. It’s so awkward that Jovan has all of this info about who Kallus was growing up, and the life he lived before going into the ISB– in fact, he probably knows more than anyone in the Ghost crew just because he was there– and that is so mortifying

Jovan is so stoked

Because for 1. Kallus did all that work in the ISB only to end up a rebel anyways and that is hilarious 2. He has so much mildly embarrassing material about him in his back pocket. But tbh it’s kind of bittersweet for him because Kallus is his One that got away (He was planning on going RING SHOPPING, and then he got BROKEN UP WITH, what the FUCK) and he always reasoned with it by thinking that Kallus was irrevocably changed by the empire, and the Kallus he fell in love with wasn’t going to come back. BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT HE IS BACK– yeah, he’s got a beard now, and he pretends to be all serious, but he’s the same snarky, cunning, side eyeing idiot that he fell for. And he knows he can't have him because that train has LEFT THE STATION

^^(This art is old so its a little jank but shhhhhhhhh, its the vibes that matter)

So he obviously deals with this by selling embarrassing pictures of Kallus from their academy years to Sabine, because that’s probably the best revenge he’s going to get.

Kallus is obviously over him, and has been for a LONG time, he just doesn't like Jovans personality, and Jovan kinda wants Kallus back but apparently that's not an option so they do end up creating a dynamic where they are so petty to each other when they get the chance. (Which is not often because the rebellion is big and if they can avoid each other, they will.)

[cursed-40k-thoughts]

One thing I've been wondering, is there any angle of degredation to the custodes?

What I mean is pretty much every faction in 40K is reduced/fallen from grace to some degree (SMs dwindling, inquisition used to be malcadors secret service, knights spread out and going crazy etc) but the custodes seem to be the exception

Now granted I'm generalising here since there's factions like the guard who suck but always kinda have, but custodes it hits me cus of the whole perfection and being the emperor's special boys/girls/other etc angle

I know in old lore their thing was just laying about the imperial palace but now they've been retconned to actually going out and doing things, have they degraded at all or are they still as perfect as they were pre-Heresy?

As great as genetically engineered demigods for a space fascist can be anyway

They weren't retconned into going out and doing things; they are now going out and doing things, because the Imperial Palace nearly falling during the Cicatrix Maledictum event booted them up the ass.

The ultimate flaw (and weakness) of the Custodes is that they're individuals serving the Emperor. Not the Imperium, the Emperor. Everything they do is articulated around serving his vision and protecting him as individuals. Obviously, there are plenty of strengths (and good narrative aspects) to being individually-minded and built around collaborative interaction, but it also utterly fucked them when the Emperor fell. In the wake of his dead, these physically perfected demigods spent 10,000 years sitting and moping. They maintained Terra (kind of) but largely stopped paying close attention to literally anything else, instead ruminating on their failure and engaging in "default" behaviour. Frankly, many of them still don't give a shit about humanity or the Imperium and think it's all just fucked until the Emperor shows up again.

Their "degradation", as you say, is that they're no longer adequately informed about the state of the Imperium, and the specifics of the Imperium, and how to optimally apply themselves, because the Emperor's absence made them all Bigly Sad.

You might think "that doesn't seem like a very impactful flaw" and you'd be right! Let me tell you a secret, though; none of them are. Not a single faction's. Flaws are only allowed to be as meaningful as the writing allows without interfering with the "everything can fight everything else" angle that funnels directly into the tabletop game.

Space Marines are dwindling, except they're not. Imperial Knights are few and far between, except they're not. The Militarum are strapped for resources, except they're not.

Always refer back to the Warhammer Fantasy rule when it comes to understanding logistics in 40k; There are as many elves as the plot demands.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autism levels, few “often get wrong” points need highlight again

[transcript: autism levels, few “often get wrong” points need highlight again]

^ masterpost by birdofmay for more basic stuff no able explain rn, like “what are levels” “how determine levels”

autism levels about how much support you need for autism specific symptoms—specifically, two autism criteria, social communication & restrictive repetitive.

not how much you feel like you struggle

levels compare you to all autistics. not allistic neurotypical nondisabled people.

level 1 mean “need support.” level 1 can struggle. unsupported burnt out level 1 can struggle a lot. unfortunately level 1 can be miserable in life.

not able finish school, not able drive, not able keep job, need help cant live independent—none of that automatic level 2 & 3. none of that automatic mean not level 1. know many people who level 1 who all that. level 2&3 people tend more common be those thing because autism symptoms cause very big struggle. but autism levels not actual about any of that.

autism levels is DSM 5 thing. country no use DSM 5 not get levels. countries use DSM 5, sometimes doctor still not assign levels, because that doctor don’t use levels, or level 1 & just leave out write.

autism level is official diagnosis thing. different from self diagnosing autism itself (which for lsn/level 1/etc have many resources about what it like, community, and like. not life risky), autism level really not same and not recommend self diagnose, to put nicely. because it about amount official support need, & limited info about level 2/3 (yes, even if look like many of us on tumblr, still very few), and because that most people never actual met entire autism spectrum met actual level 3 in person not to mention enough to be good sample size, so most have understanding of autism & autism levels that heavily lean to level 1, wrongly think any struggle w autism mean level 2 or 3. put in plainly, most you all don’t know don’t see enough about higher levels to actual label correctly (this actual include level 2/3 people—although yes personal experience, but that one experience).

many level 2 & 3 diagnose as that because we need the official support. for not die, for physical survive, and/or for basic quality of life. it not fun little label to collect to call self unfortunately

also, i say a lot of level 2/3 i abbreviate put them together because online autism community not often include both. but level 2 & 3 can be quite different quite far not “basic same thing”

autism level describe general average symptom & support needed

autism level can change over entire life, like born level 3 but adult now & level 2 or even 1(rare), or born level 1 & now adult level 2.

autism levels cannot change over hours days or short term in general. cannot “level 1 good day & level 3 bad day.” not even “last (few) month level 3 this (few) month level 1.”

autism levels not same as functioning labels. although can be use in same ableist way people use functioning labels. but fault is ableism. (remind that some people do self ID as low functioning after their diagnose and that okay)

autism level is not perfect and need improve

autism level important & needed especially for many of us who need many support or our autism symptom very big or struggle communicate.

[butchspace]

I guess I kind of just use this account for PSAs now, and this has been on my mind a lot lately.

I figured out that I have OCD a few years ago, and recently I’ve seen a lot of bad advice around dealing with intrusive thoughts and obsessions.

There’s that post that goes around occasionally about “taking pictures of your oven knobs before you leave” or other things I’ve seen that say to “make a weird face when you lock your door.” THESE ARE COMPULSIONS. If you have/suspect you have OCD or you often struggle with things like that, please do not follow this advice. Instead, try to accept your intrusive thoughts and move on, not argue with them. Over time, they will get easier and easier to deal with. Ruminating, stressing, or arguing with them just makes them worse in the long run.

If you think you might have OCD and want to seek a specialist, the IOCDF’s home page has a lot of resources under the “find help” tab, including a locator.

I’m going to put the rest under a read-more because I’m going to talk a bit more in depth about intrusive thoughts and compulsions. This mostly because good OCD info is so sparse on line, and I’ve spent many hours compulsively researching OCD lmao.

Content warning:

discussion of unreality/doubting one’s own perception

discussion of specific compulsions

I’m not going to push this point too hard or shame anyone who doesn’t want to follow it, because OCD doesn’t really just go away. It’s a constant struggle. I give in to compulsions regularly, even though I am medicated and have seen a specialist to learn actual coping skills. It’s hard to resist sometimes and you don’t always have the energy, the awareness, or the power to ignore them. You do what you have to do to get through your day. The main difference is that the right medication and the right therapist make it easier to stay out of the spiral and to leave a spiral when you’re in one. They still happen. You still kind of have to play everything by ear.

Similarly, it is super fucking hard to get help or even get diagnosed. No regular therapist actually knows what the fuck it looks like, and specialists are few and far between and often don’t take insurance. It’s not fair or easy or necessarily productive to try and do exposure response prevention on yourself. Your “good coping skills” can even turn into an obsession or compulsion, where you’re constantly worried about what is an intrusive thought and what is not, or if you’re responding to them properly.

What I want to do is try to give at least some useful advice to people who are struggling with intrusive thoughts.

The best way to respond to them is not at all. This is especially true with OCD, because the response to them is sort of the root of this disorder. Sometimes, it’s recommended that with depression or anxiety you challenge your thoughts. In OCD, it’s the opposite. Challenging them can so easily lead you down a compulsion spiral. (More about that cycle from a professional.)

Compulsions can be entirely mental, but I’ll use a common behavioral one to look at how engaging with compulsions can go:

You start by taking a picture of the your stove knobs to make sure they’re all off. That works for a few hours or days, but then you start wondering if the knob is ever-so-slightly in the “on” position. You wonder if the picture proves they’re off enough. You forget to take the picture at all, and have to go back in to check anyways. You check your phone a few times before leaving to ensure that the picture is still there. You take several pictures because you can’t tell if you actually took any at all. You start to wonder if you can even trust what you see before your very eyes. What if you’re just imagining that the knobs are set to off? What if you’re just imagining the whole picture to begin with? The picture allows you to engage with your checking compulsion throughout the day, strengthening the connection between the intrusive thought and the urgency to do something about it. That means it gets worse. That means you find new ways to doubt your perception or your memory or whatever.

It can eventually get really bad. It’s hard and awful to try and deal with this on your own, but sometimes you have to.

It’s so shit. It’s so fucking shit how long many people suffer with mental illness without even knowing what’s going on. I didn’t know that my constant, overwhelming guilt over almost everything I’d ever thought or said or done or maybe did and couldn’t remember was the result of a disorder. It was so freeing to realize there was actually something that might help me, and I could learn to just live with myself and my weird ass thoughts that don’t necessarily mean anything at all. It’s so shit that OCD-awareness is so low among therapists. I was never going to get diagnosed until I found an OCD SPECIALIST (bold, italicized, all caps. Don’t trust people on psychology today who just put OCD in the list of what they treat.) and went over the Y-BOCS with her. It’s all so shit that several therapists I came to with textbook examples of OCD either ignored me or didn’t have the tools to help. I told one of them I “didn’t feel connected to reality” and he kind just went 🤷.

I just want everyone who is in that/a similar situation to at least have this information available to them.

If you want to learn more, these blogs from Sheppard Pratt were the best discussion of OCD I found online that really described what I was going through. They’re written by licensed therapists, several (all?) of whom live with OCD. They’re very healing to read if this is something you’re struggling with, or something you think you might be struggling with, and great in general if you want to learn more about OCD.

Whatever’s going on, OCD or not, have some grace with yourself. Take a few minutes today and do something kind for yourself, even just think one nice thing about yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello raven! 🐉Anon here. What do you think the future of fae/human relation should or could be? Humans multiply faster & destroy nature for resources. I think briar valley should be fae exclusive for peace and safety of everyone. Just like diurnal fae. Assuming whatever pixie hollow equivalent exists in twst. Do we know in game where they live? Also what's your take on the senators? The idea of dead ghost like entities governing the living is very questionable to me. Maybe it's in their culture

Well 💦 look, I’m not claiming to be an expert on politics or foreign affairs… but I definitely don’t think isolating Briar Valley and making it fae-only would work out for everyone. Moreover, I think that would totally go against the messages and themes TWST is preaching (that very different people can befriend/understand one another and peacefully coexist).

The post gets sort of long, so I’ll place it under a cut.

PLEASE NOTE: due to the nature of this ask, I will be discussing (fictional) politics. There are also brief but non-specific mentions of irl politics. If you are not comfortable with that, then I advise you not read the rest.

Looking at modern Twisted Wonderland and at the course of history that Lilia has experienced, we can see that human-fae relations have already made considerable improvements. It isn’t perfect of course—and there’s still lots of work to be done. The point I want to focus on is that the dynamic between their races has been changing and will continue to evolve going forward. The same has happened with human-merfolk and human-beastmen relationships, albeit those are (to our knowledge) less bloody than the history with fae. I believe that humans and fae will continue to work toward a future where they can be side-by-side—not that there won’t be missteps along the way, but that’s a natural consequence of such a complex goal with many moving components to it. Mistakes and steps backward are expected and normal. I just want the parties involved to be able to pick up the pieces afterward and use those missteps as opportunities for learning and growth.

I don’t think the “humans multiply faster” point holds much water. That makes it sound like humans reproduce like bacteria, making hundreds and thousands of children/doubling the entire population every few minutes. It also assumes that the birth rate of humans never declines or stagnates. Even if this was a concern, it wouldn’t be the case until several generations down the line (and again, this is assuming that nothing is done to combat any rising tensions in this long stretch of time). However, Humans do currently make up the majority of the population, and this was noted to be a factor in why it is difficult for even the magically inclined fae to fend them off.

I also think that “humans destroying nature” isn’t that valid either?? The phrasing, again, makes the situation seem far more dire than it actually is. Humans (at least that we know of) are no longer pillaging the land and robbing other races of their resources. There are several environmental efforts being made in multiple countries to preserve nature (which isn’t as good as not destroying nature in the first place, but hey, I’ll take what I can get). Silk City makes use of its waterways for trade. Harveston folk farm and forage while using sustainable methods. Sunset Savanna has labs to research ecofriendly ways to mine and generate energy for the country. In fact, the Sunset Savanna’s people prioritize living in harmony with nature more than making technological advances. Merfolk and humans have developed programs to help integrate their two races, and I assume this would include teaching them about how their two worlds impact one another (though this point is the only bit of speculation of these examples on my part). It sounds to me like everyone (or mostly everyone) is making active efforts to preserve their environment, rather than continuing to ravage the land as their ancestors did hundreds of years ago. Wouldn’t it have been better for nature if it was never changed by humans in the first place? For sure. But we cannot exactly have them dismantling their own communities, so working hard to preserve what they have left is the next best thing.

Now, about the whole… “Briar Valley should only be fae” idea proposed in this ask 💦 as I said earlier, I don’t think it would work. Creating an ethnostate (a place where citizenship is restricted only to members of a certain racial or ethnic group) won’t magically fix or prevent problems. In fact, I would propose this segregation could potentially result in more complications over time. For example:

The current population isn’t entirely fae. This includes Sebek’s human father, as well as Sebek and his two older siblings, who are all half human. What would be the proposed process for handling these cases if suddenly only fae were allowed to be in Briar Valley? Would they have their citizenship and the rights associated with that revoked? Would they be forced to leave the country? Do you see why this could cause issues?

Briar Valley may become even more isolated and self-contained than it already is. This would create an echo chamber where the main ideas reasonably accepted are their own/that of fae. They’d become trapped in their own bubble, unopen to the idea of change or thinking differently, leaving the country stagnant and its people arrogant. That doesn’t bode well for when they go out there as socialize with foreigners, who may be treated as “less-than” by fae.

Racial tensions could heighten from Briar Valley being made fae-only, thus resulting in a new cycle of hatred and distrust. We saw this happen in the past, and history is 100% capable of repeating itself. Humans and Briar Valley fae didn’t know much of each other and so this lack of knowledge morphed into scary stories and prejudice toward fae. This “othering” eventually led to humans feeling entitled to invade fae territory and seize their resources. Give it enough generations of limited interaction, and these fears could be bred anew when humans don’t have the opportunity to really get to know and interact with/live among fae. The fae will become proverbial boogeymen again.

On the subject of diurnal fae, I think a lot of assumptions are being made about how they live 😅 We actually know very little about them, so I’d rather not make assumptions.

It is stated in Fairy Gala that smaller fairies gather in a place called Faeland. However, not all smaller fairies live there, as we see plenty of pixies in the wild on Sage’s Island as well as in Briar Valley. It’s also never stated that Faeland is ONLY fae. We shouldn’t assume that Pixie Hollow being all fae means that Faeland (its twisted equivalent) is the same. Pixie Hollow itself isn’t even entirely fairies either, so that’s a false basis to work off of. There are many other beings there or in Never Land that aren’t fae: the animals, Mother Dove, mermaids, pirates, dragons, etc. That means other races could also live in Faeland.

As for the senators, I think they’re fine? I mean, I don’t approve of how they act or think on a personal level but they serve their function in the story and how they’re written makes sense. Quite a few politicians irl are older and conservative, and the senators are a reflection of that reality. I wouldn’t even say letting “dead ghost-like entitles governing the living” is that out there, specific to Briar Valley culture, or “questionable”. It’s actually very common, just not in as literal of a sense of Twisted Wonderland is making it out to be. Many of the laws and court rulings we have today follow precedents established by far older treatises and other legal documents written by men long since passed. Policies that were relevant years ago shaped the thinking of today’s politicians who lived through those policies in their youth. Prejudices that developed in wars we no longer fight still exist to this day. The politics of the past influence and inform the politics of today; they are not separate things.

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

I think the original sin speaks to such a deep compassion on Lilith's part.

Like, Charlie describes it as wanting to share the gift of freewill, and I think that's mostly true on Lucifer's part. But Lilith? Lilith looked back at an awful situation she just escaped from and saw them funnel another woman into her exact place with no adjustments, a quieter, more complicit (possibly even like, divinely lobotomized?) one who wouldn't have it in her to run no matter what she's put through. Lilith managed to slip between the cracks, get overlooked by Heaven for just a moment long enough - and instead of taking that freedom and getting as far away as possible she went back for Eve because she couldn't bear to allow that to happen to anyone else. Did she go about it in the best way, was the forbidden fruit a good idea? Probably not, one could even say definitely not. It was a naïve and desperate decision born of very righteous vigour, and very few options to do anything about it. She really really really needed to do something but didn't have the experience nor the resources, all she could do was try to give Eve the choice.

All she knows is she hated it, and she wanted to leave, so she needed everyone to have that choice as well.

[sarcasticscribbles]

Do you think drawing fat people is hard?

It’s a bit different from drawing slimmer people, especially when most references and art assets mainly showcase slimmer folks. Plus-sized characters in media are far and few in between, and they often just have a little more curve with a slim face. There's nothing wrong with that, but everyone has different weight distributions, which can lead to a lot of diversity in body types!

I don't think drawing fat people is “hard”, but it can take a little longer to seek out references for the anatomy. There are some good resources online but one I've found super helpful is FAT PHOTO REFERENCE, you need approval to access it but once you're in there are so many amazing photos of bigger people posing!

AdorkaStock (also known as Senshi Stock) have a great body diversity for art references, and a rich library of different poses!

In general, I decide what body shape I want to go for and add some mass to it based on my reference; I based a lot of my character designs on shapes, so that decided the weight distributions. Good to remember about weight is that it weighs (lol), so instead of just adding rounder shapes to characters, make sure it's also pulling down a little.

Double chins are very common but rarely showcased, so I think it's a good feature to add if you want to draw a bigger person.

I’m not sure if any of this is helpful, or if the question was meant to offer advice or just to critique my character designs (which is fair). As an artist, I've noticed that “flaws”—and I mean more than just weight, as someone who has struggled with my own size—make for more engaging character designs.

Adding my own insecurities to character designs helps me accept and embrace the uniqueness of features that aren't often seen; everyone deserves to be seen, because we’re all here, and life’s too short to strive for a picture-perfect existence.

[ideas-4-stories]

Cross Guild romance AU -

Buggy makes his own explosives, which doesn't sound all that important until you sit back and think of the ramifications and knowledge required for that. Buggy is damn good with chemistry, math, physics, and I bet he was the brain to Shanks's brawn on the Oro Jackson; he'd probably have been all over Crocus whenever he could to learn more about anything and everything.

Crocodile and Mihaw don't really put the two together, given that they see Buggy primarily as an idiot and coward. It's when an epidemic spreads on the island that some odd things click into place-

Buggy has forgone the big costume, is in comfy and sturdy clothes. His face is painted minimally, hair tied into a tight bun, bandana on, and he's working side by side with the medical professionals. He's elbows deep in checking vitals, organizing charts, and even synthesizing medications. More members are sick than not, and they go under a near-quarantine lock down to handle the illness. Between working in the medical tents and taking care of his people, Buggy has also had a hand in organizing for resources to be sent and delivered.

Neither Croc nor Hawk had even considered some of the balls Buggy has gotten rolling. They both have very strong immune systems, so they rarely face or think of illness or sickness as something to prepare for or to account for, but this just exploded one day seemingly without warning, and the clown had a plan in motion by eevening.

It's at this point that they begin to wonder if maybe there's something more to their Chairman than they first thought...

((Bonus points, they catch Buggy coming back from a long shift at the medtent, sent off by the other's to get some rest, so he's just at that sweet spot of tired enough to lose filter. They ask about the medicines, and Buggy goes on a mini infodump about chemicals, hormones, enzymes, antioxidants and antibiotics, mentions that he and a few others already have a few batches baking, and sleepily chuckles about how "the simpler ones seem to work well so far, thank goodness. I was worried... *yawn* that I'd have to dip into my supplies for my testosterone... *falls asleep at the table*.

Croc just becomes the Spiderman meme of "TRANS???" when Buggy wakes up))

I LOVE this is an understatement, this is so good!!! I love Competent!Buggy so much!!! Why can't the clown be a fucking genius while being clown-failure babygirl he is?

Buggy having a plan by evening is because he has so much anxiety, I mean, look at the poor clown! It's always the things that he didn't think of that happens that gets him in trouble. But this, he can do this. I also love the headcanon, that Buggy learn a lot of things from Crocus, so he has this in the bag!

It would be funny if Buggy could be fine in a really bad pandemics, but the flu and whatever the happened near Laugh-Tale is his biggest sickness problems. What am I saying, back to this cool ask!

Buggy being competent because he doesn't want his crew to die or get really ill, not because he needs them to work, but because he wants them healthy and happy. Buggy forgoing the pillow onesie for something better, and not taking that much time on his makeup is so good, that just shows how he priorities his Nakama before himself is so cute! I have a headcanon that Buggy has a least a Field Medic degree or a Nurse one. Mihawk and Crocodile watching at the sidelines is what I see them doing, because like the clown's being competent and they see there's not much they can do in this.

Yes, on Buggy rambling on and on about things he does, I want Buggy to infodump so hard. Like really really hard, Buggy could go on and on about things that interests him for a while.

Buggy is every gender and nothing at all to me, and the spiderman meme with Crocodile is the only one pointing at Buggy while Buggy is confused and sleepy, while Mihawk is just there on the sidelines. Is really funny to me.

[blackpilljesus]

I've not dated or had close relations with moids in years. I've been on the path to spending the rest of my days as a single childfree woman & committing to it as an osawoman. During this time here's what I've learnt, shorter version here:

This lifestyle is a privilege - being able to exist without having to directly depend on a moid romantically/sexually is a luxury. Know the privilege you have and how you can take full advantage of it and keep yourself set. We arent living this way solely bc we're smarter, we were just momentarily luckier. Most women are a political/natural disaster away from losing everything. Bear this in mind; along the way think of "what if" to best start preparing yourself.

Dont bother justifying your ways to people - Most wont and dont want to get it. Save your breath. By getting into back and forth arguments over not marrying moids & not having children you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by giving them more fodder to counter. They wont change their minds. End the conversation short & move on.

You cant save everybody - Ditch the saviour complex. We all get dealt bad hands in life; some worse than others. Other peoples lives arent your responsibility, there's only so much you can do because you've got your own issues too. Besides some are too far gone, you'll only end up drowning or being burned trying to save others especially if they dont want saving.

Recruitment is a waste of time - I often see extensive discourse around this topic w/ some women trying so hard to recruit others into this lifestyle or being separatists, wgtow, etc. All this does is waste time that can be spent on building instead. If some women dont get it oh well it's not the end of the world (although every woman does get it, they're just doing what they can t survive) it doesn't matter long term TO YOU because if you're serious you dont need other womens understanding/stamp of approval to build a network/resources for women; you can get started without them; heck some may join once they see the value like how so many women broke up with their partners after watching the barbie movie. Some women are more focused on recruitment than living the single childfree life they claim to be about and it consumes them - dont let recruitment consume you. Besides other women willingly engaging with moids buys you some time; those who know - know.

Most activism is a waste of time. Things only change when it benefits those in power but they will never relinquish their power entirely. It's great to put knowledge out there for others to learn but getting into discourse having to justify yourself & being swallowed by your activism will do more harm than good. Most activism is a stepping stone at most for the next chapter of your life. Learn to game the system instead of changing the system.

Focus on yourself. Everything as we know it is rooted in the system that has been perfected over the millenias. The problems of misogyny, racism, ableism, etc have existed before we were born and will exist after we die (part of why im not birthing into this mess). Trying to change it is a losing battle. This doesnt mean dont advocate or care about anything but look out for yourself first & be comfortable learning to existing between the cracks. It'll be quite the exercise tho as we've been socialised to prioritise others.

This is not a lifestyle one simply chooses it's something that chooses you. This isn't for everyone, those who know; know. If you require a lot of convincing or handholding then it isn't for you.

It gets lonely. Not because of not having a moidfriend; even when partnered with them many women still feel lonely. It's because most women are moid centric / obsessed and would want to be partnered with an xy someday or already are. Very few women truly commit to or understand this lifestyle irl tbh. Even my moots who are separatists or just single & childfree are halfway across the world. However that said, many women in the community can also be toxic; holding each other to high standards and there being constant bickering. You can befriend moid partnered women but be careful with them. We're surrounded by the system, existing out of core elements of it will come with a degree of isolation but on the bright side there's also peace if it all goes well.

Less is more. The less you say to others the less ammunition they have to hit you with. Bragging about this lifestyle to our predators will only make things harder because they've already got a huge upperhand. Too many of us moving in one go will bring unprecedented waves we're not ready to deal with. See 2, 3, and 4.

Ignorance is not bliss. Completely cutting off from xys including knowledge of their evil will make you unprepared should a threat strike. Not understanding moids nature is how some women think things are as easy as getting up and walking away without considering security & other factors then get suprised when moids strike. I'm not saying drown in true crime & xy evil but dont stray too far you lose touch of reality. Side note this is why women are gaslit about moids nature so that they dont have the chance to effectively prepare. Stay informed. I constantly learn from the women around me. Pay attention to xy motives & tactics. The power they hold, possible moves they may play etc. You wont be able to know/guess everything but stay in the loop nonetheless.

You will make mistakes be prepared to learn

It gets easier to control your attraction to moids overtime (if you're osa) as your focus is elsewhere as you realise there is a more fulfilling world out there beyond marriage & kids. Also life is just so much better. I know most women want the fairytale prince charming or an angel nigel but it's just not happening. Especially in a world like this. The freedom to be able to exist as a person & not a slave/punching bag for a rape ape is BLISS. You get so comfortable with it you wont wanna be with moids anyway especially when you see what other women go through. (Side note this is why women are pushed to being with moids as early as possible so this level of enlightenment is never reached & instead all women know + become accustomed to is suffering at the hands of moids).

As time passes and you mature into this lifestyle you can tell who's new and who's got skin in the game. I wont elaborate here as it'll digress and this note is long as is but those who know; know.

There's so much work to be done it'll last a lifetime. This lifestyle ain't easy. It strays from the norm so the typical guardrails that come with traditional options are out of the picture. The good news is that you can spend time crafting your own blueprint to follow or share with others who are willing. There's such little in terms of infrastructure & resources for single childfree women and yeah xys will likely try to destroy these things but at the same time if it can be done go for it and bear xy threat in mind we gotta start somewhere.

A purpose/guide is important. It's something that's going to guide your life through the ups and downs because it wont be a smooth ride but it'll be something that can make you in situations that break you. This isn't a "fuck you" to moids directly, it's about ourselves. Seeing this lifestyle as some type of "gotcha" against moids will only make things harder and lowkey misses the point of decentering them. I have my reasons for never getting married or having children that are solid (if you need inspiration checkout r/breakingmom on reddit). True comes from seeing something as bigger than yourself; find a purpose in this line of life to keep you going.

Invest in yourself. Personally, financially, etc. Pretty obvious but especially now that you're going to be more alone you need to be able to count on yourself more. With enough investment it can help other women too.

Invest in female network. No gyn is an island. Even though I'm not much of a social person the friends I have make my life better; they've been supportive but also honest. Also support female centric spaces online & offline; they're all that we have lest we be banished to the silo prison of the "nuclear family" or exploitative misogynistic communities.

Get comfortable disassociating/cutting people off. If you want to survive some things/people will simply just have to go.

You arent owed anything from other women, but you dont owe them anything either. The operating word here is owed, I aint saying women shouldn't help each other - I'm saying dont feel entitled. The feminist "girls support girls" schtick is bullshit. We're in a cold world full of ruthless oppression where everyone is just trying to survive however they can; in many cases it helps women survive when they turn on other women instead of on moids. Solidarity works because those who have solidarity politically speaking are people with power, it works in their interest to stand & work together as to keep + maintain their privileges in society so there wont be much female solidarity as in many cases it's not worth it to women long run. It aint right but that's how they perceive it so watch your back.

Everything is political. Always remember this. Many (privileged) people try to downplay politics & its effect but it runs our world which is why they want you blind to it. Pay attention.

There's merit to being around like-minded women even if it's just online. Like I said before it gets lonely. Very few women are willing to face & accept the truth about maIes. Being around like-minded women can be depressing sometimes as they drop blackpills bitter than you can initially handle but at least you dont feel so isolated/crazy.

[itsgrimeytime]

Don't Let Me In (with no intention to keep me) || Rick Grimes (TWD)

Based on the song: 'It Will Come Back' by Hozier

Available on AO3

Summary: That day, your camp was raided. Gunfire and hostages, so many of you were lucky to be alive. After Rick and a few others gained control of the situation, you realize you were hurt. It was just a few scratches, there were others with worse. Rick highly disagreed.

TWS: TENSION (both kinds), blood, gore, gun violence (violence in general), being held at gunpoint, implied murder, death, revenge, murder jacket!Rick, kind of dark!Rick, possessiveness, protectiveness, all things consistent with TWD.

[[A/N: KIND OF SPICY, but not really??? It's hard to explain. This is really just the 'who hurt you' trope between you and Rick with nothing left to lose. Needed this kinda vibe after all the fluff recently. For bestie @murder-jacket !!! Enjoy :)) ]]

Your head was spinning, and it felt like you couldn't breathe.

Rick and a few others had gone off on a supply run -resources were whittling down and the group needed more. But of course, the one time most of the weapons are gone is when a group decided to swarm. It wasn't exactly like you were empty-handed, but without some of your best shooters... you were almost desolate.

You held onto Carl like it was the last thing you'd ever do, squeezing his shirt so tight in your fingers the fabric was morphing into a shape. In a distant part of your mind, you knew you were muttering to him -promises that everything would be fine, that they'd be back before he even knew it.

And then, one of the men turned to you.

"So," he spoke, waltzing up a slow pace towards the two of you, "-you're the sweetheart, huh?"

You stiffened, hesitating wrapping your fingers around Carl -you could probably just push him away... keep him safe. At the thought, Carl stood against you tighter -protective even, but you wouldn't let him do anything stupid.

"Quite a beaut," the man spoke, trailing the tip of his gun to under your chin and tilting up your face to match his, "-aren't ya?"

"Look," you spoke, voice steady and calm (you'd been through much much worse), "-just leave him alone and I'll-"

"What?" He pushed, tone drenched in frustration, pushing the tip of the gun into your neck, "Do whatever I say? Surprisingly, I think we've got that covered."

The distant sound of gunshots echoed then, it was far from you -he had singled you two out. (Someone had luckily hidden with Judith, Carol had subtly told you before they separated you.)

You froze, trying to see by some grace if you could hear anything -was it your people? Or was it them? Were they dying? That was until you saw the look on the unnamed man's face.

His face was twisted in confusion, spun to meet the sounds -he was not aware of those shots. You could tell, and a tiny part of you hoped for Rick to have returned early.

He cleared his throat, turning towards the two of you -Carl still attached at your hip, "Leave the kid, you, come with me."

"That's not happening," you gritted through your teeth, hand tightening on Carl.

You couldn't protect him if he wasn't by you, you hadn't known what they wanted to do or why they were even here. Carl was not safe with you, but he was even less safe when he was alone. You wouldn't let him leave your side. You couldn't.

"Heroic, really," he tsked, seeming to regain his confidence -dragging the gun along your jaw to your temple, "-but I don't think I gave you a choice."

And then, there was movement behind him. You couldn't properly see what or who it was, but Carl -who was held tightly by your side, loosened. Relaxed, even.

That was... good. Maybe it was someone you knew.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

The low drawl was gravelly, a tone he'd only found in anger -Rick. Even just his voice helped your breaths calm, the cool metal stark against your skin. You still stood as still as a statue, you'd give him no reason to shoot -no sudden movements.

"Well, look here-" the man exhaled, "-if it ain't the man of the hour."

"I don't think you heard me," Rick echoed and you could barely see him, but you saw a shadow of the movement -the click of a gun.

On instinct, your breath hitched -heavy in your chest, you realized then that you hadn't wanted to die. It was a terrifying thought, then, as the metal dipped into your skin; it was surely something to realize then.

"Frankly, I don't think you have the power here, Rick," the man spoke, not moving the gun from your skin and adjusting you to face Rick and Carl now, who had thankfully been ushered to his side.

You were looking at him now, eyes placed so delicately on his form and there was a steely gaze there -matched only by the man who held you in place. His jaw, covered in the beard he'd so recently grown, was set, pinched in the way it always was when he was in a situation he didn't want to be in. His jacket, once pristine, was now stained on the white with an ominous red, and part of you, without thinking, scanned him over at the mere thought that the blood might be his.

Rick's gaze flicked to you, just for a few seconds -looking for injuries, maybe, just like you were. There was a softness as he did so, the blue gaze affectionate and careful -they stuttered at your scraped forearms, jaw clenched and eyes determined. It didn't seem too bad, just stung against the cool breeze of the night -you doubted it was even bleeding.

"Oh, I'm sorry-" he began in response, tone aggressive in a demanding sort of way, "-did you call those gunshots earlier? Was that part of your master plan?"

The man quietened, and you could only imagine his face. Rick was angry, and in some twisted way, you were delighted he was this angry over you.

"Because, if I'm remembering correctly," he was stepping closer now, slow steady steps -his tone light, but there was something heavy there, something furious, "-that was my call."

The man was silent for a second, and you felt the coolness of the metal falter -he readjusted it, pushing farther into your skin. You hissed at the pressure, and out of the corner of your eye, you saw Rick still at the noise.

His eyes gleamed, flickering over you -trying to convey something to you (a safety) and then straying to your neck.

"You wouldn't," the man finally spoke, but there was no nerve behind it -he was scared. And as your eyes fluttered upon Rick, who looked just a bit like a man with nothing to lose, you wondered if you would be too.

He didn't give him the dignity of a response, trailing on, "I mean, don't you think they woulda come to you by now?"

That was when the man moved, faltering against you -he was shaking, and you could feel it. The cool metal was no longer directly against your skin but distant, the deep breaths now heavy in your ear -he was panicking.

"Look, you-" he straightened, trying to gain some sense of control then and pointedly looking at Rick, "-you let me go. Nothing happens to 'em."

He remained calm, or still, you guessed you should say, there was nothing behind those eyes that was calm. They were a heavy sort of gaze, intense and direct -if looks could kill, this man would be on his knees.

"What did ya say earlier?" he hummed, stepping even closer now, the crunch of the grass under his boots the only noise other than the heave of breaths. Rick was agonizing, steps deliberate, and the tension in the air was thick enough to suffocate you.

And then he was a breath away from the man, pistol up and located square in his forehead, "Frankly, I don't think you have the power here."

Maybe if it was another day or another person, Rick would've hesitated.

On this day with you there, he didn't.

It was quick, at least, your ear ringing and the side of your face covered in a sort of sludge you really didn't want to think about. And Rick was unflinching, at the blood that now smeared across his face -eyes set in a sort of stare that you'd recognized maybe once before.

Carl was the first to move, rushing to you, "You okay?"

You coughed, the adrenaline leaving a sort of dizziness in its wake and your stomach swirling with a kind of dread at what had happened mere feet from you, "I'm fine, I-I swear. Just a little shaken up."

Rick was close behind, without much thought ripping the hems of his shirt off -wordlessly, before taking his hands (that had just killed a man) and so delicately wrapping the cloth around your forearms. Bloodstained fingers pushing gently into your skin like you could break like you were something so precious.

"You don't need to-"

His eyes leveled at you, usually so fuzzily affectionate, now a sort of steely gaze -unmoving and intense. There was something there you hadn't seen from him before, protective to an extent you'd never seen. It wasn't like when he shoved you behind him when a gun was pulled, this was more instinctive.

"Carl, go get some water-" he was condensed in his speech, tone gruff but not necessarily rude -it was more direct in a brash way.

You remained still, watching simply as his hands circled around the scrapes -eyes focused on the motion, he hardly seemed to notice your gaze. It was a curious one, after such a clash in your head -how could he still be so gentle, after-

Carl was quick, a little canteen he kept on his hip filled with, what you assumed, was river water. The camp had been too far for anything else -especially with the speed unless it had been longer than you thought. The bandaging was methodical and with your head in such a state, you wouldn't be surprised.

Without so much as a word, Rick tugged another scrap shoved away in a pocket and wet it, "Thank you. You go check on the others for me?"

Carl hesitated for no more than a second, before heading back the way he'd just come.

Something in you flipped at the idea of you and Rick alone here suddenly -not quite unsettled or scared. It was more anticipation, as the air fizzled with a sort of spark you hadn't thought possible in the apocalypse. Or maybe ever.

Rick was unfazed, raising the makeshift rag to wipe your cheek -his calloused fingertips leaving a sort of trail across your skin. And your head still stayed in that sort of fuzzy spin that it was, a bit more affectionate than the one before. The metallic and somehow woodsy smell grounded you back to where you were, you leaned into his touch -just slightly.

"There ya are, sweetheart," he whispered, smiling in a small sort of way -fingertips trailing over your eyebrow, "-with me now?"

You only nodded, a bit too speechless at a touch so tender after something so... violent.

"Words," he clarified, blue eyes set into yours.

"Yes," you spoke, your throat scratchy and eyes dry, "-yes, I'm here."

Before he could say anything, you gently took the rag from his hand -rewetting it with the ease of a sip from the canteen. Your hand gently brushed across his face -wiping off the blood with the gentlest of movements. It felt far too intimate than it should've been.

Rick was silent, blue eyes in a steady haze across your face -surfing across your features in a sort of pleasant buzz. In the teeniest of moments, he leaned into your palm. His warm skin against your own sent something to your toes then, but you had a job to do.

When you finished, sweeping the rag across his nose with a swift motion -he took the rag, stashing it. In a sort of instinct, his hands went up to cup your face -determination settling somewhere deep in his eyes and a sort of worry in the furrow of his eyebrows.

"This will never happen again," he spoke -sounding somehow like a demand and a promise all at once, "-'kay?"

"And if it does?"

His eyes returned to the steely gaze -far away and distant from where you stood, and the heaviness there was enough to make your heart skip a beat. In fear? You couldn't tell.

Rick didn't stutter then, voice steady and with an unshakeable certainty -like you had asked if the sky was blue. His eyes shadowed in a sort of shade that spoke for itself.

"I think you know."