#i do know i experience that symptomology though

[snarltoothed]

disclaimer: i am neither diagnosed nor strictly self-diagnosed, but i have always displayed some degree of autistic behavior/symptomolgy (whether caused by autism or by a collective of other things, i think my experience is possibly comparable)

i do think that in my teens, expressing socially acceptable femininity was a way of masking for me. i was very anxious about being seen barefaced by my peers, because i was aware that being “attractive” was one of the few forms of social leverge i could pull off, but also did not care about the social norms of like not putting on makeup publicly and i definitely had to learn modesty through negative/unwanted attention.

i do think that if i am autistic it’s definitely not in the rule-follower kind of way, i definitely err more toward the “if it doesn’t make sense to me, i’m not doing it” side of things

and i think that because i was masking through femininity during my teens, that actually protected me somewhat from gender ideology because it presented me with an easy out when prompted about my own gender identity — i present femme, therefore it only makes sense that i am a woman and use she/her. back then if pressed further about my nonfeminine behaviors i’d maybe specify further that maybe i was agender but had no dysphoria and presented femininely with she/her pronouns and thus “passed” as a ciswoman so it didn’t really matter either way. (which back then at least was seen sort of as “checking my privilege” and thus didn’t rock any boats)

it’s weird though, because i remember as a child and a pre-teen being vocally AGAINST makeup, i even recall a discussion i had with my grandma around 11 or 12 about how makeup was unfair not only to the girls who didn’t wear it yet (like myself) because it made us feel insecure, but also the girls who were already wearing it because they now feel obligated to do so in order to not feel insecure. i feel like i haven’t heard many other women express an experience like mine when discussing “peaking” and actually beginning to lean into radical feminism — for me it almost feels as if a return to my true values rather than a discovery or continuation of them as many other women seem to describe it being.

Patriarchy affects autistic women and girls in a unique way imo. I'm thinking particularly of masking (when you learn and perform behaviors from others to hide your autistic traits), but also of the autistic tendencies to compartmentalize, to want clear rules (esp socially), to assume honestly and/or good faith from others, to generally struggle to understand the intentions of others.

If we can't intuit social rules, then it makes sense that we would try to learn them by rote from outside sources. And when those outside sources are pushing patriarchal roles on us, when it seems like other women find it easy or natural, when we can't or don't trust ourselves to understand how to be accepted/acceptable...is it any wonder we try to mask? Is it any wonder we're more vulnerable?

I think this same thing is why a disproportionate amount of autistic women ID as trans or nonbinary. It makes perfect sense to me. Gender ideology offers us a different script; it says, "Do you feel ostracized, lonely, like an outsider? Here is a solution. Here is an alternate path." And then we're given an explanation, different rules to follow, something that seems less constricting than the rules of femininity. That's why gender ideology appealed to me, anyway. After years of struggling to perform femininity and growing steadily more dissociated from my body due to misogyny and disability, the idea that I could opt out sounded marvelous! Except, of course, that's not how it works.

This post has been All About Me but I'm an extremely rule-bound person, and I know many other autistics are not. So I'm curious—

Autistic women, do you find that patriarchy and misogyny have affected you in ways specific to being autistic?

[boydyke]

unwell ramblings again

last psychotic episode was triggered by my grandmother's sickness and how we thought she was gonna die. I don't really know whatll happen to me when she finally does. everything about my family and how they talk to me and each other and how they are and their expectations of themselves leads me to feel a responsibility for their lives, a responsibility that is only, currently, an arm lengths away--resting currently on my grandmother, which I will inherit in her passing. I think I knew this before, but I hadn't processed that this is how I feel and processed why I feel it. maybe having processed that trauma will give me a boon when she does pass. but I doubt I'll go *less insane* in the event I *actually* lose someone. I never really stop to feel in relation to my life and circumstances. I've never really had the opportunity to do that. I can't stop to feel when I have so. much. to be ready for. any moment. at random. I could gain more responsibility than I'll ever be ready for, but I might as well make myself as ready as I can, every moment of my life. sometimes I recall my full psychological and how the psychologist said she hadn't seen someone with such a wide symptomology before who didn't screen for a personality disorder or someone with my particular dissociative experiences without really qualifying for any dissociative disorder. I'm dealing with stress that makes a man amnesic. I've got several forever lasting mental issues but am so fucking chill. I am cool. I am cool. I've never had a meltdown and lost control I've never fucked up a responsibility irreparably I just black out and come back to with 3 jobs and a family I carry burdens for so they don't snap and kill each other. system of 1. working fucking overtime. I'm my grandmother's daughter. granddaughter sure but still daughter. 'daughter' in bold within granddaughter. I could only dream to be like her. I've inherited this 24/7 workaholic when our job is keeping people alive ability to keep going and going and going and going and instead of hitting a point where we can't keep going we just leave and keep going anyway. black out and do it anyway. do it blacked out. even when we aren't piloting our bodies they're working on muscle memory and that shit is fine tuned. "Yes, and" to responsibility. I really could do anything. I'm not sure what I'd be happy to do though. but anything I end up with I know I can do it. I've got an endurance to me. I know once she passes I'll do the job I inherit. I'll do it psychotic. I'll do it insane. I'll do it. I know myself enough to trust my autopilot. to trust myself. trust every self I'm capable of being. I've never met her but I know her intimately. I've trusted myself in her hands before. hell my capability to keep going while psychotic while dissociated while gone while silent and asocial and weird and awkward but you keep going and going and you do it scared you do it gone you do it alone and small while hearing voices and you do it when disowned you do it when you're miles away from any support system and you do it unmedicated. you do it like the good kid you are and you don't break where people can see it. my capability to be this got me through homes and grades and chapters . through the worst experiences of my life. I know I'll get through it again. I trust her

[wispered-dream]

Updated Jun7

secret/quiet blog for discussing/venting current experiences. Not looking for followers/attention, though I don't mind followers/interaction

if you think you know my main and we're friendly, I don't mind interaction.

Answers to potential questions/concerns

What's going on?

Good Question. Severe PTSD is involved, probably something more.

Why?

I dunno man. My life is weird, this might as well happen.

Doctor?

Complicated. Don't worry about it. If you want to express concern that severely, you can send me $5.

If you think I am in VERY strong danger and you think you can argue that well (especially if you think I am currently not lucid) go ahead, but expect a fair likelihood that I may be frustrated about it. Read the next point first.

Safety/Support?

I am absolutely blessed with a wonderful support network. While there are many ways I've been unlucky in life, I have several people regularly checking in and making sure I'm okay.

Delusions?

* * *

Mostly no, and what there is? Unrelated to the central content of this blog. Ptsd thing. Working on it.

I have oddly low anxiety much of the time, unless I have a sudden spike of fear over things that shouldn't induce the fear they do, mostly locations having 'something wrong with them'. Ptsd thing, maybe an autism, those don't exist independently.

So who are our actors?

There are two presences, one I sense on my left, one I sense on my right. Collectively I call them the Spirits, but the Left is the most active/responsive. If I use Spirit, singular, assume it's the Left One.

Are the Prescence Hallucinations better?

What do you think they are?

You know that thing where when someone stands close to you or directly behind you? You can 'sense' them in some way? You might have had an error in perception with this walking down the sidewalk - thinking someone was approaching from behind you when no one was there.

That was happening a lot, and now it's generally much quieter. Or I just notice it less haha.

I am generally pretty lucid about the situation. I think they're a result of unfortunate brain physiology mixed with a long chain of trauma's. Not only do I understand that they're coming from my head and don't actual exist, they remind me of that quite often.

No I mean what diagnostic code would you use?

This blog is generally antipsychiatry, despite my fascination with the subject. Until symptomology worsens, I would call it a 'tentatively nonpathological abnormality'.

So why call them Spirits?

Because life is better when you embrace a little Whimsy, and "my hallucination" has tonal implications that don't feel right to me.

How literal are you when you use word "X"?

If I say 'Spirit told me to XYZ', it is most likely not just words, though those do happen sometimes. It's more like a large amount of imagery/emotions in the direction of a task or thought?

I like to use metaphors because if I wrote 'a series of imagery that feels associated with the presence gave me an impression that... ' this blog would be a bunch of long paragraphs.

Just roll with the metaphors.

What if I'm concerned you're being more literal than metaphorical? Or experiencing paranoia/delusions?

You have my permission to comment Delusion Check or dlc on posts you think I should re-examine. Please limit this to things you think are harmful/stressful.

* * *

What are they like?

Full of warmth and love I can barely begin to describe. Very supportive, very protective, very kind.

Is it scary?

See prior point. My experience is very positive, but I am nervous about future progression and structural prejudice.

So far it's been quite palative.

Can you see them?

Do they have opinions? How do they express them, how do you perceive them?

Prev: "Yes". It feels more... internally perceived? Distinct from reality, like something I am visualizing that stays persistent and outside of my control. Reminiscent of psychedelics, tbh.

Update: Dissociation and Tunnel Vision and Migraine made for some odd times, but the visual component is now "imagery I have limited control of" than outright visual issues. Hope that stays that way.

They are 'extentions of me', and that is obvious in their valence towards different topics which often (though not always, usually as a mattee of degree) matches my own. It may be more accurate to say that they express feelings that were previously 'just held by myself'.

When I say they opine, it is a series of sensations that amount to an overall valence on a topic. Sometimes multiple sentences or words. If I quote them, think of it more as a summary than a literal quote.

Spirit opines occasionally - much as how she 'tells me things', this is sometimes with words, often as other sensations including emotions and imagery. The Other Spirit very rarely opines, but when she does, she is either wordy or firm.

What do you mean by 'active' or 'bored'? Or 'happy'?

Left Spirit is more creative and likes music, Right Spirit [The Other One] is more logical. I find this quite interesting, though I presume it's coincidence.

I sometimes describe them as quiet or loud to describe the intensity/frequency of sensations. They're usually not overwhelming, but it is quite exhausting when they stay loud.

They tend to be more active when I am tired or stressed; this does not surprise me at all haha.

When they're happy, they express lots of happy feelings lol - it's that simple.

* * *

Left Spirit is quite vocal when she is happy about something (especially music).

Spirituality?

My Spirituality is complicated. I am a skeptic and the universe likes to make fun of me for it.

Magic and Guidance?

I enjoy meditations and activities like tarot. The way I describe it is I ask the universe questions in meditations, and it sends me back answers.

I've been told I'm good at tarot, and I like doing readings for people. While I greatly appreciate tips, I feel uncomfortable charging for such.

I don't care if you don't belive in magic or tarot, I love skeptics. And not in the weird 'oh ho ho I'll convince you to believe way', in the 'I'll show you how it can be fun and helpful :)' way.

Ask me about your Swords.

[the-blind-assassin]

I’ve been having this weird time experience over the last month or two and it’s starting to kind of wear me down in a way, I dunno how to really explain it. Like losing time is something I see people talk about all the time, you look at the clock after a few minutes and realize five hours went by, this is a well documented phenomena in the symptomology of many mental illnesses. I’ve experienced this a lot, very common. The last month or two I’ve been experiencing sort of the opposite though? I look at the clock after an hour or two has passed and actually the time is significantly earlier than the last time I looked at the clock. And each time I’m SO SURE that the time is earlier than it was when I looked forever ago. Like there’s no part of me that feels like “Tina, you silly doofus, you’re seeing things, looney tune”, no part of me that even humours the possibility that I’m misremembering the time from before or something, I fucking KNOW that the time is showing earlier than when I last looked. This has happened at least a dozen times in the last month or two, sometimes multiple times in a day. I try to dismiss it as broken mind shit because I know that’s what I’m supposed to do, but fuck dude…it happened earlier this morning and I feel so strongly like I’m missing something really really important and I just don’t know how to understand the thing. It’s so frustrating. Something’s happening ffs!

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, I think I might have DID, but I also don’t know if I’m for some reason faking it for attention, though I haven’t even told anyone of my suspicions? and i’m a minor so i can’t really get myself screened and i don’t trust my parents enough to tell them. if you could provide any guidance or anything, i would appreciate it so much <3

I strongly do not recommend doing much digging into DID or potentially having a system as a minor unless symptoms are overtly getting intrusive because processing and working through DID is a lot for someone who is still living in an unsafe environment and limited tools to help their own situation out. If you do some personally digging into your experiences, I VERY strongly do not recommend doing trauma work without a professional as a minor living in an unsafe environment.

I know that sounds possibly like me saying "don't try to heal". That is not what I mean, I would recommend focusing on learning and establishing fundamental coping skills - grounding techniques, trying to learn what makes you feel safe, trying to find safe ways to handles increased emotions and symptomology, trying to establish healthy and safe friendships and peers, looking into less-trauma centered symptoms that might not be related to DID but play a role into how you are experiencing things.

Personally, I was aware of having a system around age of 14 and that led to a lot of compounding issues and unfortunate situations because I was 1) incapable of doing much about my situation and 2) overloaded with my age-appropriate identity issues and the stressors of middle school and highschool and 3) had little room to actually have people to support. I didn't really know much of DID until I was like 16 (beyond that I totally couldn't have it I just have people in my head), and didn't actually really think I had it until I was diagnosed.

With that being said, I am very very thankful I was able to get two years of foundational therapy before I even really addressed the DID too directly to get some understanding on how to cope with OCD, PTSD, and to just have someone who could help me navigate surviving highschool and living at home.

I'm very very much of the personal opinion that minors who think they might have DID should probably hold off before jumping into the DID community or digging into it too much, because going through being a mentally ill teenager in an unsafe environment is already a lot to process and deal with and I think its much more important for those teenagers and minors to focus on being a teenager and trying to get through that hard period rather than focusing on the intense complexities that comes with DID.

Additionally, if you do have DID, the first stage in most professional treatment is stabilization which involves learning and gaining a lot of coping tools and self awareness as well as communication with parts. Trauma work and intensely trying to understand every part and all the trauma all parts hold is something we - having been in treatment for 6 years and DID focused treatment for 4 - are only just starting to actually open up.

Having recently cleared "stabilization" for the most part, I very very very very firmly support that it is a very very very important stage in recovering with DID and its very very very important to not skip that stage. Obtaining the coping skills, internal trust, and secure base within yourself is very very important to being able to handle the brunt of the trauma that comes with DID.

So with that said, my best advice would be to probably try to not think too much about having DID or not having DID, but to just look at what things are distressing you and focusing on self care, coping, and how to better care and help yourself because regardless of if you have DID or not, it is something you will likely need to do and at your current age and place in life, that is probably a much more effective, healthier, and safer form of healing to focus on with the resources you have.

I know it isn't easy or always possible, because I too was a mentally ill minor with parents that I could not trust, but if there is a way to get to see any professional for any mental health condition, I would really suggest giving it ago. I was talking to some friends about this, and some therapists suck, so if you do get one bad one, I am sorry and please don't write treatment off, but having a therapist is often better than none.

If you aren't comfortable saying "I think I have trauma" which is completely understandable for many reasons, a little "I was a minor who had abusive parents" trick that worked for me was to pick the LEAST offensive LEAST image breaking (for them) and most beneficial (for them) disorder / mental health issue and pushing that very very hard to just see someone.

We got into therapy first by leveraging a situation that made them more prone to being concerned for once, honestly intentionally played up our distress massively, and insisted that we were really severely distressed about our Trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling) and that I really couldn't cope with it on my own and I really really needed a professional's help because "it is causing permanent damage to my skin / hair follicles and I might never be able to grow them back and if I never do that then I can't get a job because I look mentally ill" and the "can't get a job" sold my parents enough that they put me into "temporary therapy for 13 weeks"

I'll just tell you that I've been in therapy since.

Anyways, I hope that helped and I hope you can get the help you need sooner than later. Being a minor is hard. Being mentally ill is hard. High school is very hard. You are in a really really difficult place at the moment and I'm proud you are keeping strong. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. ^^

-Riku (Host)

[dissociationawareness]

It's funny how quiet multiplicity can be.

It's almost as if internal experiences aren't easily observable to others outside of us - like how people often don't know when people are sad.

It often feels like a large part of severe dissociative disorders is denial - both internally and externally. It's like how depression and anxiety can produce delusions that warp a person's perception of reality in ways that would be obvious if they weren't so well hidden.

Like how I convince myself I'm not multiple anymore, like I somehow developed a singular self by magic at age 30. I want to convince myself that being multiple is a thing for children (I mean, isn't it? In that it's developmentally normal for kids under age 10), like I'm immature for having this developmental disorder... yet I readily accept that I have ADHD even though practitioners have suggested that I've grown out of it because I mask well (though still having severe deficits in executive function, though that's muddied by dissociation from childhood to now).

Like how my therapist says I haven't talked about them in awhile, while I know that not only are they still there, but that some dissociative barriers are still present (though much more difficult to trigger at this point). Like missing several hours of an especially stressful day at work, or hearing myself say something that I don't ever say, after I've been half present for hours.

I'd like to think that we mostly work together these days. I like to believe I've progressed on a continuum in symptomology from DID to OSDD because the activity has progressed from like 10 to 3 over the last few years.

And it's odd that at times I'm both still incredibly grateful that I'm not alone, but also ok with and distressed by loneliness.

It feels like therapy has taken me a far way, yet there's still so much to be done. All I really know is that the bulk of the work I felt was necessary on the dissociation itself seems largely done, yet the work on it's exacerbations has been largely ignored.

I don't see dissociation as a disorder I'm dealing with anymore, but a symptom of other disorders, namely the anxiety that rules my life. I think what dysfunctional dissociation I still experience would be greatly improved by simply addressing the anxiety that pushes my brain to that space.

I wonder a lot if that would make me somehow not multiple anymore. I've come to the conclusion that while I'd accept that if it were a natural process, that the structure of my brain will always make that level of dissociation possible - that my others are compartmentalizations in my brain - both part of me, yet distinctly separate. I don't view that as a thing to repair, I see it as a survival mechanism. It's almost like a super power - some inherent ability I'm capable of that most folks are not because my brain developed differently. If I could remove the disorder, there'd be nothing wrong with it - it's like a backup in my head if I can't cope with the situation.

I'm grateful for them as I've ever been. Even when the denial strikes and I think they're gone, I can just be assured that what's happening is I'm coping well with the present stressors. And even if I convince myself I'm somehow one, I know that should stress ever overcome my ability to cope, they'll be there to back me up. At this point, seeing who still fronts and knowing more about the system, who tends to front for what sorts of stressors... I can at least be assured that if I lose time, that time will be in good hands.

As always, we exist to survive, and regardless of my desires, that is what we will continue to do.

[c0rpseductor]

the dark knight questline in ffxiv is everything for real.

its probably rich of me bc i hate fucking Marvel B-Side Tv Show of The Week for using the “DID as a wild gimmick” character but like. im just obsessed with it. i really feel like it does a good job at getting across some of the complicated emotions that come with it and how it can feel relating to parts. and i think it works narratively because it’s a video game and because it’s the player character who’s having the DID-like experience. it’s not framed as you watching someone with DID, it’s framed as You(r character) going through it.

obviously it doesnt touch on the Symptoms but i don’t care. i feel like it’s good because it shows interactions between dissociated parts in a way that (minus magic bullshit) feels familiar and that doesn’t demonize the role any particular part has in managing the traumatic experiences central to the wol’s journey as a dark knight. it means a LOT to me that the first part you encounter as a DRK is a highly persecutory part who experiences HUGE amounts of anger, but it’s also explicitly explained that that part acts the way they do bc they exist to protect the player character, and bc they hold the feelings of being hurt and exploited that the player character has compartmentalized and dissociated from.

i havent finished the questline but i HAVE been spoiled and know where it’s going (which is fine with me) wrt myste and i’m liking that even though myste is a more sort of like, “i deal with grief and guilt and trauma-related sadness” type part, there’s still some friction and resentment there. i like that even though it’s clear what dissociated experiences and emotions the wol’s parts are linked up to, there’s still breathing room with their characterization that makes sense for that function - like myste apparently resenting the PC for continually putting them all in positions that cause further trauma to every part in aggregate, and fray deciding to cooperate with the PC (which actually makes a lot of sense for a persecutory part, since a lot of persecutory behavior from dissociated parts in DID is on some level maladapted protective behavior).

ive said it a zillion times but it is very important to me emotionally and like. i feel that it’s a very compassionate and heartfelt approach to portraying a DID-like experience. it’s certainly genuine enough that i forgive it for being not particularly accurate to real life in terms of, like, the fact that the parts in the player’s case are more magic than psychological and therefore there’s none of the other typical symptomology like comorbid ptsd or memory loss. honestly with what it’s trying to do narratively i feel like that kind of stuff is ancillary to the point anyway; it’s really way more about the relationships and interactions between parts and how that ultimately relates to overcoming trauma. it’s strong to me because it also works in a metaphorical sense that people without dissociative disorders would understand, so it’s immediately like, “if you empathized with this character and understood this quest you can have a little bit of insight into this particular aspect of DID.”

[scripttraumasurvivors]

Hey hey! So I heard a lot about PTSD symptoms getting worse once a victim gets out of an abusive situation - I was wondering what kind of symptoms would be repressed during the situation, if I can say that. For context - it's a kid, was being physically abusive by his father, he got arrested, now he's with his mom but she's emotionally abusive so it's not like he's quite safe. Thank you for the hard work!! Take care!

So that’s complicated!

Let’s chat about what ‘symptoms getting worse’ can mean before we dive into character conversation.

Symptoms getting worse can mean

a) ‘a person goes from short term survival state, to shock to having symptoms’

Given the ‘short term’ there, I do mean for single (or ‘short term’) traumas versus say, someone in an abusive home. People can go through natural disasters/car accidents and seem fine for a period afterward only to have symptom issues later once what has happened has ‘sunk in’ so to speak. 

b) ‘a person goes from a long term survival state in an unsafe place to being in a safe place with maladaptive coping’

This one isn’t so much about ‘getting worse’ though it can appear that way on the outside. When someone is in an abusive situation there’s things they do to try and control the damage, both consciously and unconsciously- or to try and reclaim ground- both consciously and unconsciously.

Sneaking around the house at night to get food is a coping skill for a kid who is being neglected. Their hypervigilance of whether or not other people can hear them or see them is needed for their safety.

Sneaking around the house at night to get food as an adult in a non abusive household- maladaptive. Freaking out at their partner who got up to check on them? Maladaptive. It’s the left over fear response from when someone hearing them eat was Dangerous.

c) ‘survival state to break down’

Way back when I was in college- I was a multi-trauma survivor who had just left an unhealthy situation who was the retraumatized. As someone who had a life time of trauma experience, it didn’t stop me immediately.

But the body can only exist in a survival state for so long. I went from ‘here is a small handful of symptoms that really, aren’t obvious that they’re symptoms’ to full body break down. I know from the inside and looking back at that time that to me it /felt/ like I went from 0-100 in 60 seconds but the truth is it had been a slow simmering issue that suddenly hit an exponential curve. ‘Having issues sleeping’ escalated into ‘skipping nights’ went to ‘being awake for 70 hours straight’ (and do not argue with me about that not being possible- I fully accept that micro sleeps happened- that’s half the story. I would blink and fall over on a bus, I would blink and be in a plate of food. But that’s not *really* sleeping in a healthy sense, now is it?)

I went from food being a little bit hard to people asking when was the last time I ate and me telling them ‘but I ate lunch with you?’ only to find out that had been the day prior. 

And then I broke. Pink eye. Something that looked like mono. Double ear infection. And an infection that had made it’s way to my blood that almost was found too late. You can’t survive without sleeping and eating without wrecking your immune system.

d) Symptoms changed

Symptomology is complicated. And they don’t always stay the same. Nightmares come and go out of people’s lives. Flashbacks experience different phases of intensity- or change forms all together. Dissociation can range from ‘I feel a bit odd and spacey in my body’ to straight up ‘I attended the wrong class and didn’t notice, I only know a few days later because the notes are about a different subject entirely.’

If someone who is used to say- having a bit of a rough time falling asleep, being depressed and having trouble experiencing joy, and having nightmares-

ends up going through a shifting period where maybe they start getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night tops but no nightmares, and food issues they didn’t realize were a problem end up triggered, and they can feel joy but it’s super unstable and their emotions are on 10 all the time-

that can be seen as getting worse. 

And vice versa.

It isn’t that one set of symptoms is actually worse than the other- it’s that to the person experiencing them, the set they have more coping skills for is probably going to feel more stable. Or seem more stable to their friends and family.  After all, a lot of symptoms and coping skills aren’t seen as symptomology- they’re seen as ‘just the way that person is.’

Which is all to say-

I can’t tell you what symptoms your character wouldn’t have in an abusive situaton.

Some survivors of childhood abuse don’t experience flashbacks to abuse until they’re out of the abusive situation, but others are actively dealing with flashbacks while still in the traumatic place. 

Some survivors of childhood abuse have maladaptive experiences related to the kind of abuse they experienced. Someone who had food withheld might binge, someone who wasn’t allowed to sleep as much as they needed might start sleeping all day. Someone who wasn’t allowed to show emotions in the household may struggle with managing emotions outside of it- and seem to have ‘too many’ all the time.

And other simply follow the patterns that were already being bult- continuing to starve because eating feels wrong. Struggling to sleep or viewing sleep as for the weak, refusing to feel emotions.

It isn’t as simple as ‘here are the symptoms that can exist while trauma is still occuring and here are the ones that exist later.’

But I do think you’re right to have the change reflected in your writing. Your character is going to have to shift their coping mechanisms from one abusive situation to another. There are going to be ‘misfires’ and maladaptive moments (and possibly patterns.) There are going to be complicated emotional feelings about ‘why do I still feel like this- I’m not experiencing _______’ anymore and possibly guilt or feeling like they’re making a big deal out of nothing. Or maybe the opposite- where instead it’s ‘I’d rather get hit than this.’

Both happen in real life.

So it isn’t offensive to write one over the other. You just have to decide what you’re going to portray.

Hope that helps a bit!

TS

[beerecordings]

hey i don't want to be too critical but i know you write jackie as autistic and i don't know if you're nd but sometimes he comes across like he's an allistic person with some sensory issues. i'm sure you try your best being inclusive and all but there's lots of common stuff like vocal stimming, comfort objects, picky eating, hyperfixations, phobias, hyperverbality etc. that i've never noticed in him. i hope this is helpful feedback i really love nd jackie headcanons.

thank you for your warm tone and your feedback i love hearing from you!! let’s talk about this! maybe you can help me get better at representing him.

to be fair, I do sometimes worry that Jackie’s ASD is too confined only to his sensory issues, but I don’t think that it’s the only thing represented in the story. I know the sensory issues are very obvious, but I do try to put other things in there. Yes, it would be more obvious for me to say “Jackie stimmed and flapped his hands” but sometimes I say “Jackie pulled on his hair and scratched at his arm” instead. Or it would be more obvious for me to go out of my way to say “Jackie gagged at the taste of the eggs in his mouth and refused to eat anymore” but instead I say “Chase remembered to get peanut butter. Jackie always buys them peanut butter.”

if I may? maybe you could look at some of these and see if you like my ideas for how I could emphasize or better represent this? but at the same time I don’t want to be so upfront about it that I reduce Jackie only to his symptomology or make him a caricature,.

Jackie’s comfort object is his sweatshirt (see the section where he refused to take it off even though it might help him evade the cops and the fact that he constantly wears one and rubs at the fabric)

maybe I could give him more comfort objects?

Jackie stims (often pulling at his hair or chewing on his nails and aching for a run all the time even when he’s not allowed outside)

maybe I could use the word stim more often instead of just saying “Jackie gnawed on his nails”?

Jackie has anxiety about his ability to interact with others, acknowledging that he’s often awkward and misses social cues (see his fear in the very first chapter that the new twin Anti has given him won’t like him, see his fear that Max won’t like him now), and is known to be a bad liar, also associated with autism

maybe this can come up more once Jackie meets more people outside of his family?

Jackie’s hyperfixation is Max right now (see his complaints that he constantly thinks about him, genuinely unable to get him out of his head and often going “distant” because he’s daydreaming)

maybe I can acknowledge some other interests of Jackie’s?

Jackie admits he doesn’t understand poetry (struggles with non-literal language) and tries to send Marvin a happy poem, but actually sends him a fairly sad one.

If I have the chance, I will acknowledge that Jackie struggles with non-literary language at some point.

Jackie obsesses over small things he’s done wrong because of his rejection-sensitive dysphoria (associated with autism)

Jackie is overwhelmed not only by sensory issues, but by too much going on in his head (see Dark making him experience intense emotions, causing a meltdown)

Jackie has problems with his temper and has been physically violent with the others because he finds it difficult to control his emotions sometime

maybe I can have Jackie losing control more often?

Jackie has shutdowns as well as meltdowns (see the part of chapter two where he’s chained to the bed and super emotionally drained and quiet)

maybe I can represent his shutdowns more clearly at some point?

Jackie is clingy and was the one who lead their family to become very physically affectionate - the amount to which Jackie touches people would not be appropriate with strangers, but he struggles to find the difference

Jackie will meet others at some point, I expect, which is when this might be a problem. Max didn’t mind his touchiness lol

Jackie uses certain things as scripts, repeating things he’s heard others say (this meshes with my writing style, but Jackie often repeats things the others have said to him verbatim or copies speech styles, like becoming much more talkative when Max was around)

maybe I can emphasize this more and have him doing some verbal stimming?

Jackie has a high need for stimuli and movement and hates being stuck in the house or chained up. Jackie is VERY neat and hates to have his things moved (see his room in the past and how he misses having clean clothes and things of his own)

maybe I can address this more when Jackie has a chance to own his own things again?

If there’s other things I can make stand out more, I’d love to, but I’m sure you know that autism markers are a sundae bar and everybody gets slightly different ones! Jackie does not have phobias associated with his ASD, though he does have some that have developed alongside his PTSD.

also, if you ever want to hear more about Jackie’s ASD, just ask him! it’s an ask blog for a reason :) some things that haven’t come up but that I do consider canon include:

Jackie is actually a picky eater, but he rarely gets to pick what he eats :( he hates eggs but loves peanut butter!

Jackie wishes everyone would stop changing beds every night lately. he actually likes it when it’s him and Blue in one room, Dok and Trick in another, and Dap and Anti in another. neat and tidy and no one’s in his space!!

Jackie used to hyperfixate on the criminal cases he and Max were investigating, Spider-man, martial arts, and crime statistics.

Jackie’s a talented hacker because he loves how objective and formulaic everything is and how he can just focus on one things for hours... and hours... and hours... lol

Jackie honestly goes through a ton of emotional distress and is, like, constantly a nervous wreck. This was a pretty big theme of Chapter One, but Blue’s helped to alleviate it a little.

IF Jackie gets away from Anti, I do plan to talk more about him finding ways to cope with his need for structure and organization and routine, his struggles with the newfound freedom, and him learning how to actually manage his symptoms instead of just constantly suffering because he sometimes thinks he’s just being a wimp and Anti has never gone out of his way to acknowledge or plan around Jackie’s difficulties.

are there particular things you’d like to see me acknowledge? is there more I can do? I won’t just add random markers to Jackie just to make it more obvious that he’s autistic, but if there are more sensitive ways I can handle his specific symptomology and struggles, let me know. or let him know!! he’ll talk about it! and I will too as the situations arise - things like Jackie meeting new people outside of his family for the first time in a long time, Jackie being allowed to have freedom and hobbies for the first time in a long time, and Jackie having more pressure put on him by him taking leadership of his family.

[xandricorelel]

That’s Not An Aphasia! - An Exploration of The Neurodegenerative Disease of Traveler 0115

(aka, that time I got so worked up over a misnomer I wrote an essay about it)

In the Netflix show Travelers one of the characters, Trevor Holden aka Traveler 0115, develops a made up neurodegenerative disease. This disease is elaborated to have been caused by the years of body-jumping Trevor has engaged in. His consciousness is deteriorating and bringing his host body with it.

Trevor’s disease is given the highly scientific sounding name “Temporal Aphasia”.  It is quite obvious to the viewer that “temporal” refers to the time jumping done by the travelers, and aphasia is a word heard a lot in neuroscientific circles.

I’ve never before been bothered by pseudoscience in fiction, but that’s usually because the pseudoscience is referring to things I don’t have background in, hard sciences like physics and chemistry.

Unfortunately for me, I have enough hobbyist background in neurology to know “aphasia” in no way matches up with Trevor’s symptomatology.

Aphasia is a malfunction in the language center of the brain(often caused by stroke, lesions, or injury) that renders the sufferer either unable to produce(expressive) or comprehend(receptive) language. Sometimes both.

Aphasia varies in presentation and severity, but the point is that at no point in Travelers does Trevor find it difficult to use language.

So, what is Trevor’s problem? The simple explanation is that in season three Trevor starts to experience episodes of freezing. These become more severe as the season progresses, eventually interfering with his missions to such an extent that he has to give his team an explanation.

He is one of the oldest Travelers and has a pretty high (host)body count. This has caused a deterioration in his functioning that has only been seen in one other Traveler, Trevor’s now deceased wife.

The episodes of absence will slowly grow longer and longer, extending from a few seconds to a few minutes, eventuating in his being locked in for years. But can Trevor’s condition really be called a locked in syndrome? A locked in syndrome implies full consciousness in the sufferer with an uncooperative body, as seen in people with advanced ALS.

In Trevor’s case he isn’t watching the time go by, he’s not even registering it. He will stop in the middle of a sentence and come to hours later to finish it. It’s as if the time elapsed around him never existed.

This is more similar to an absence (or petit mal) seizure. In an absence seizure sufferers will typically lose a few seconds or minutes. The seizure can’t sustain itself much longer than that without serious side effects(death, mostly)

Trevor’s symptoms could also be diagnosed as a catatonia. They certainly fit the criteria with his immobility, waxy flexibility, mutism, and staring. But catatonia doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s also not a condition in and of itself. It is a symptom of a larger problem, whether psychological, neurological, or induced by drug use. Catatonia won’t do as an explanation.

With the outlandish symptoms displayed by Trevor it would be easy to brush this off as a fictitious condition made up for a television show with absolutely no basis in reality. And it is, but this is also where you would be wrong. The condition may be made up(and poorly named) but Trevor’s potential decades of awayness aren’t only a possibility, they were an epidemic.

In the 1920s Encephalitis Lethargica swept over Europe and America, leaving almost 1 million dead and millions more permanently disabled. A lucky few recovered fully and were able to resume their lives as before the illness, only for the damage done to become evident years or decades later.

One of the chief physicians of post-encephalitis lethargica described the symptomatology of the condition as a “phantasmagoria of maladies”. Indescribable in their multitudes.

Despite the seeming inconceivable variation to the symptoms of post-encephalitis, it did have one prevailing symptom. A withdrawal from the world. For some patients they would be completely aware of their surroundings, locked in and unable to interact without outside stimuli. For others they would become trapped in their minds, repeating numerical sequences or thought loops until their brains saw fit to release them for a few minutes of reprieve from this forced rumination.

One patient, described in Dr Oliver Sack’s book Awakenings(1973), was completely absent. The world around her and her own internal world ceased to exist. An absence seizure seen on a vast scale the mind shies away from comprehending.

Like the others, she could be awoken for moments, but never fully returned to herself without a medical intervention discovered 40 years after she contracted the disease.

As with anything, these temporal suspensions didn’t exist in isolation for Dr Sacks’ patients. They were accompanied by violent tics, parkinsonianism,  and physiological symptoms such as excessive perspiration and sebum production, to name a few.

The cause of these strange and numerous symptoms was as simple (as much as anything neurological can be). Lesions upon the brain.

As touched on previously, aphasia is also commonly caused by lesions. That said, the areas of the brain that control speech and the ones that control the perception of time and of self are completely different though, as with all things, not wholly divorced from each other.

What these cases serve to illustrate is that, from a Doyalist perspective, what the writers of Travelers are describing is possible. Science fiction hand waving could allow any lesions formed on Trevor’s hosts brain to be in the exact areas that would cause his described symptomology in complete isolation of any of the more undesirable symptoms.

Now what, in a Watsonian context, would cause this degeneration? I propose that the stress of multiple transfers and decades more of memory than humans are built for would cause a morphing of Trevor’s consciousness itself, making it harder and harder to flow comfortably through a hosts synapses without making some devastating adjustments, similar to the rouge A.I messenger program in s3e5 “Naomi”.

This could lead to lesions, especially in the deep brain, that could cause the very isolated and specific symptoms Trevor experiences.

A suggestion for the mechanism behind Trevor’s absences is that, due to this “Temporal Aphasia” being controlled somewhat by a deep brain stimulation device, the lesions on Trevor’s brain could be assumed to have been causing neurons to misfire, bringing us back to the absence seizure.

Unfortunately there’s no way to get an EEG or brain imaging to see what’s really happening inside Trevor’s head because he’s fictional. And so is his condition. That doesn’t mean I can stand for the misnomer of “Temporal Aphasia”.

As explained above, aphasia it the word that bothers me most in the name, but temporal has its issues, too. The existence of a temporal lobe complicates naming matters, and even if “temporal” were referencing the brain region instead of the adjective “relating to time” it would still be wrong.

I’ve come up with a couple of names for Trevor’s condition that I find more accurately describe it than “temporal aphasia”. Progressive Fatal Chronistic Catatonia or Degenerative Chronistic Catatonia. In both cases I’ve used “chronistic”(Greek) as opposed to “temporal”(Latin) to avoid any confusion with the Temporal Lobe.

As stated before, this essay is nothing more than a thought exercise on the nature of a fictional disease, written by a long term hobbyist with no qualifications.

If there are any glaring problems in this essay, please point them out! I’d love to have further discussions on this topic. Or suggest your own ideas for a better fitting name for Trevor’s condition, or the mechanisms behind it.

Thank you for reading :)

[allos-aro]

@cursed-nurse:

I thought psychopaths and sosiopaths and people with ASPD where like, bad people that I'm not supposed to support? I'm a bit confused. Sure, their aroness and/or aceness are still valid and they belong, but, Idk I'm just confused. This is the first time I've seen someone include sosiopaths and psychopaths in this kind of post and I don't know how to feel about it. Why did you choose to include them? Just asking because maybe I can learn something here 

sorry, i just saw this comment. i’m trying to figure out how to type this out without using a lot of run-on sentences, and i’m also homeworking really hard at the moment, but i’ll go ahead and answer this in a list of bullet points based on my own experiences and discussions with other folks who do identify this way (for disclosure, i have sociopathic tendencies that are influenced by other things in my mental health):

the stigma surrounding folks with ASPD specifically comes chiefly from the horrible bad actions of criminals that have been diagnosed with the disorder, which very few people with ASPD actually do. the diagnostic traits for ASPD that are described in the DSM-V often exemplify the most “severe” symptoms and demand a repeated “disregard for the rights of others”. many people who get evaluated for ASPD but do not receive the diagnosis inherently fail the test because they may have had a few instances of that kind of behavior, but learned to adapt (thus disqualifying the diagnosis). there is also the fact that many people who receive the diagnosis and opt for treatment learn coping mechanisms and other ways of expressing their symptomology without harming others, but it’s unclear if/when the ASPD label gets removed (or if it should be).

historically, the labels of psychopathy and sociopathy were applied with a broad, broad brush to anyone who was a “misfit” based on expression of empathy and morality (or the “lack” thereof, according to some interpretations). a classic example of this is autism being labelled as “childhood psychopathy” before the autism diagnosis existed.

for a lot of people who use the term “sociopath” and/or “psychopath” to describe themselves, the main defining trait that unites many of them is a combination of the following:

lack of either affective or cognitive empathy (often both)

lack of a “conscience” that fits in with the society around them (meaning: their moral compass may not point towards the “moral north” that many societies assume for its group members, or that it expresses itself differently)

a social disconnect from a vast majority of people around them, and little/no desire to try and connect it

and, finally, some set of experiences with people who appear to interact normally in society that has shown that they are, for lack of a better term, never going to be able to belong regardless of how hard they try

these traits can be found in a variety of different mental illnesses and neurotypys, including but not limited to: autism spectrum disorders, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, most (if not all) personality disorders, dissociative disorders, and probably more that i can’t think of at the moment.

the labels are often used self-descriptively, less as a declaration of “intent to do harm” but more of a “warning” that they may not/cannot/will not be able to act like a “normal” person according to the dictates of society.

society allows for some flexibility of sociopathic and psychopathic behavior: depending on who you talk to, capitalism relies upon acting on a lack of empathy for personal gain. most americans i have interacted with find “America’s Funniest Videos” to be an entertaining show even though a lot of people and animals get terribly injured in the clips shown. dark humor is a common theme in comedy routines and comics.

however, if you act or think “too much” in that realm? then clearly you’re on the path to criminal behavior. (sarcasm)

ETA: okay I'm back

ultimately, there is a lot of nuance that usually needs to come to the table esp when it comes to how we have been trained to view mentally ill people. i'm not saying that everyone should go and immediately befriend someone who uses the sociopath or psychopath labels for themselves ofc, but thinking about why someone might use the label in context of how our society views mental illness, and how quick we are in our society to villainize people who, for whatever reason, don't "fit" with "goodness" even if it's not criminal, is important for this kind of discussion in particular.

bad actions are not to be excused of course, but the incidence of bad action paired with what society colloquially throws around as "sociopathy" and "psychopathy" is incredibly small. which is part of what leads to discrepancies in how labels are used and what they mean, depending on, fundamentally, how easy you fit into society's standards of acceptability.

shoutout to mentally ill and neurodivergent aros

psychotic aros? positively amazing!

autistic aros? absolutely awesome!

schizo-spec aros? utterly splendid!

dissociative aros? delightfully excellent!

sociopathic and psychopathic aros? valid and wonderful!

empathic aros? stupendously cool!

attention deficit aros? smashingly marvelous

other aros i didn’t mention who fit under mentally ill and neurodivergent? supremely sublime!

[meydi21]

Proceed with Caution: Disclosing Autism On The Job

Proceed with Caution: Disclosing Autism On The Job In the article, Microsoft Wants Autistic Coders. Can It Find Them And Keep Them?” Vauhini Vara reported: “ . . . millions of adults with autism often find themselves in a difficult bind. They struggle to get and keep jobs because of the disability, but if they disclose it so they can seek accommodations while applying or working—just as someone in a wheelchair, for instance, might request a ramp—they risk facing discrimination from managers or colleagues who mistakenly believe autism, because it affects the brain, must make them less able workers.” The Virginia Commonwealth University website states: disclosing “may be a major cause of anxiety or concern for people with disabilities as well as those who assist them when looking for a job.” It’s important to understand the sensitive subject matter of disclosure. In a recent phone conversation I had with Adam Glass, the Career Path Coordinator at The Autism Initiative at Mercyhurst(AIM), Glass noted that some students state something along these lines: I don’t want to be treated differently. I don’t want to be associated with autism . . . I don’t want to be seen for my weakness. Despite the college students’ justifiable trepidation, as part of the AIM program at Mercyhurst University, Glass encourages the students to disclose their disability. He explains they don’t have to necessarily disclose autism upfront but can choose to disclose a symptomology disclosure. In other words, to disclose a coexisting condition such as sensory integration challenges or a subset of a condition such as over sensitivity to specific uniform fabrics. Glass takes time throughout the year to explain what disclosing a diagnosis of autism can and cannot do, and poses all options, including what happens if you do and what happens if you don’t. He asks each pupil to choose what feels right for you and advices to follow your dreams not stay in a bubble. He informs students of their legal rights and advices if you don’t disclose, you won’t know what options and accommodations you might have access to. He helps students to interpret the law and to understand their employment rights. When Glass and his colleagues travel to meet with employers, who have autism hiring initiatives, they bring some of their students along. And quite often, meeting face-to-face, the potential employees ask the autistic students, “What do you need from us?” What Glass is doing is inspiring, and something that ought to be implemented on high school campuses and college campuses nationwide. His primary goal is to empower and encourage. And part of this goal is achieved through teaching the basics of disclosing. He teaches autism is an integrate part of you, but it’s never you. He emphasizes the divide between individuals who push onward and those that don’t. What I would call resilience. And what autistics can offer that others cannot. When an individual is considering whether or not to disclose a diagnosis of autism several factors come into play: ·     How self-confident and knowledgeable about autism is the individual? ·     Does the individual have a mentor or support person? ·     Is the individual aware of disability rights? ·     Is the individual able to ask for reasonable accommodations, if needed? ·     Is the individual resilient and able to face probable stereotyping, assumptions, and misinterpretations? ·     Is the individual self-empowered? Before setting any person, whether young or old, on the path of disclosing in the workplace, we must be realistic. Most autistics, after disclosing on the job, face some form of discrimination, myself included. Take for example what an audiologist from the UK wrote: “If I choose to disclose my AS (Aspergers) at work, management is initially understanding but then put me in difficult environments due to my experience and end up refusing to make any environmental or procedural adaptations for me. This leads to increased absence, anxiety, rigid thinking, inflexibility and ultimately meltdown (which occurs outside of the workplace, negatively affecting friends, family and romantic relationships). I usually resign before I meltdown at work. I am concerned that I will become unemployable, if I develop a reputation for unreliability in such a small industry . . . We don’t ask for ‘special’ treatment. We ask for certain conditions to allow us to function at the same level as the rest of the workforce. Once these conditions are met, you will find you have the hardest working, most loyal employees around.” A day treader with Asperger’s Syndrome had this to say, “I don’t know what’s worse, being judged because no one knows you have autism or knowing that if you tell people you have autism that action alone is going to come off as extremely strange. In theory, I won’t only be judged for my autism, but for the mere action of disclosing.” A 30-year old autistic man, who wished to remain anonymous, wrote: “I deeply regret sharing my diagnosis. My coworker thought Aspergers was an extremely awful disability that makes people uncomfortable. He had no reference point. And nothing was ever the same again. It resulted in the end of our working relationship. If I was ever to go into another job, the last thing I would ever do is tell them I was autistic . . . because they are just going to misinterpret it. I mean it’s a deal breaker for all NTs (neurotypical/non-autistic); they are never going to look at you the same. It’s not that I am afraid of what they think. I just know that once I tell them that it can never be undone. That’s not just in the workplace. It’s with doctors, family members, even my own parents . . .” That’s the thing about an invisible condition: sometimes we have a choice of whether or not we want others to know. And for good reason, some of us choose not to disclose at all. There is still a lot of misinformation out there surrounding the autism spectrum condition, still a high likelihood of facing the wallop of discrimination, once an autism diagnosis is mentioned. Ironically, today’s business and university leaders often denote autism with an aura of less than, using the words ‘they’ and ‘help them,’ and implying, and even stating, workers on the autism spectrum are incapable of leadership and management—even as large numbers of autistics are the very ones entrusted to educate our children as teaching assistances, general education and special education teachers, and college professors. Furthermore, some of us ‘with autism’ are in highly influential positions, serving as civil servants, defense lawyers, oncology doctors, and pediatric nurses. Whether we publicly admit our autism/Aspergers or not, we are out there in much larger numbers than currently reported. And it’s common knowledge that Silicon Valley and Bellevue, WA hubs, and other technology city centers, are overtaken by professionals with autistic attributes and traits—but maybe by another name—gifted, geek, nerd, genius. To this day, five years after my diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, I ponder the pros and cons of being out of the “autistic closet.” In considering whether someone should disclose they are on the autism spectrum, a marching band of pros and cons arise. Anyone who is autistic can easily venture into the feasible benefits and risks of disclosing on the job. We all know, and some have lived at some level, the risk of backlash from supervisors and co-workers. And some of us are fortunate enough to know the benefits of an inclusive and accepting work environment. There isn’t a right or wrong answer to disclosing autism or Aspergers on the job. Still there is a potential threat—it’s always there. And there are ramifications, regardless of any precautionary measures taken. In reality, autism is a baby in the realm of marginalized minorities. Swarming is false, outdated, and unsubstantiated information about autism spectrum disorders. Beginning to fly, queries of whether or not autism is even a disorder. And false information certainly abounds. When paid professionals in the field of psychology are mistaking sustained eye contact, empathy, imagination, and ability to make friends as markers against feasibly having autism, how can we expect that the average non-autistic will get it? When “sensitivity” trainings and conventions about autism are saturated by educators and presenters who are non-autistics, how are we heard? And how many immediately box us into constricting conclusions of less than, needs special treatment, fragile, or a charity case? How many think us to be like the one autistic they already know or have heard about? How many of us lose who we are and become something we are not, in the eyes of another, with the mention of autism? “Disclosure provides opportunities to educate and inform other people about autism, and to advocate on behalf of those within our community who may not be in as good a position to do so for themselves,” stated Maura Campbell, a senior manager in the Northern Ireland Civil Service, and former board member of Specialisterne. “It allows you to challenge head-on the myths and misconceptions that abound about autism, partly due to its stereotypical portrayal in the media and popular culture. When people express surprise that I have Asperger’s (which is generally the case), I have an opening to correct some of the inaccurate impressions they may have about autism . . . ” But she is also a realist. “When I ‘came out’, I was asked a couple of times what treatment I was receiving. No matter how hard I tried to tell people that the diagnosis was a positive event, a confirmation of who I already was, they behaved as though I was conveying bad news. What I learned from this was that people do not always receive information in the same way as you present it to them. They often apply their own filters, overlaying what you have said with their own preconceptions and assumptions.”  It is true disclosure during the hiring process or on the job can unintentionally lead to unfavorable consequences. Particularly, if a place of employment is not neurodiverse friendly or is not well educated in autistic culture, history, traits, and attributes. Whether or not to disclose is very much a personal choice. Alternatives to not disclosing autism at a place of work:      State subtle needs    Work to blend in     Establish a support network outside of work     Find a trusted coworker to help interpret unspoken rules and workplace culture    Reevaluate disclosing at a later point    Establish own accommodations  Practice self-care on the job As a general rule, when weighing the pros and cons of job place disclosing, for either yourself or someone you know, keep in mind that the act of disclosing has the potential to lead to direct opportunities for employment success. When an employee discloses on the job: Employers have opportunity to consider workplace adjustments and supports (reasonable accommodations, peer mentors, the establishment of a disability resource group).Job candidate can ask for reasonable accommodation during the job screening process (list of topics that will be asked during interview, an interview over the phone, an overview of the hiring practice, an alternative to resume, a portfolio or video that showcases skills)Springboard for other possible work opportunities within the company (customized job description, creating a new job role, being a neurodiversity trainer or peer-support person)Opportunity to present past workplace supports and how the employee previously excelledWorking with a vocational counselor or other employment specialist to establish support measuresProtected under ADAPlatform to state needs and educate about disability or conditionTransparencyLead to policy change and open new doors for othersAvoid the possibility of an employer feeling mislead or misinformed Yes, there are multiple ways that the act of disclosing a diagnosis of autism or Asperger’s Syndrome can assist a job seeker or an employee. I would definitely recommend disclosing at work (on my good days). Even so, as previously mentioned, the idea is very subjective and dependent upon multiple variables, including the workplace culture, one’s ability to state workplace needs and to stick up for one’s self, the individual’s own understanding of autism, and whether or not there is a support person available. When in doubt about workplace disclosure, I suggest that those on the autism spectrum ask other autistics that have been in the same situation, research into the pros and cons, and make a personal decision that best fits the individual.

[system-of-a-feather]

Like Marc and Steven talking to each other on the mirror, I know that kind of thing isn’t possible, but how they were communicating earlier seemed more accurate to DID, and then I realised: Boi, they’ve got a god in their head too with magic. He’s allowing for the mirror thing to happen because he was so frustrated with the lack of communication getting in the way of Marc’s Moon Knight stuff that he decided to open the floodgates (so-to-speak)!

I haven't watched a minute of Moon Knight (including the trailers) and all I know about it is stuff I glanced the wiki of before it came out to get a guess on if I thought the series would have a chance of doing DID justice or not - and a lot of talk in the DID community and MCU tags that I follow.

My fiance commented from the first episode that it does seem exaggerated and seems to have more psychosis symptoms than we experience, but I do know some people with DID do have psychosis symptoms that interplay with their condition. We, however, do not - so if anyone who follows here that does have psychosis with DID, feel free to reblog with any comments you might feel like adding ^^

Also though, the mirror thing probably has visual stuff for the sake of story telling (I say probably since I haven't seen it and won't until the show is finished and I get a thumbs up from my fiance that it isn't just going to frustrate me and waste my time), but I know for a fact that I have actually talked to my parts in a mirror and a friend of mine has as well. It doesn't happen too often and it is a trip, but usually those things only happen over here in high distress situations. It's not a common or typical way of communication, nor is it really the most affective, but in terms of the concept of "talking to your part in the mirror" without me knowing the scene itself is not too far fetched. (Though again, it would likely have to coincide with an increase in symptomology and usually distress)

And I am saying this ENTIRELY as someone who has not watched it and doesn't know how Moon Knight presents it, but parts that do try to facilitate communication and breach dissociative barriers are a common thing in DID. These parts are usually a lot more "omnipresent" and aware and within the systems sometimes do appear similar to being gods, identifying as a god or a supernatural being, or have a dynamic with the system similar to a Dungeon Master or Overseer of sorts. The formal name for these parts are "gatekeepers" and there are multiple ways a gatekeeper might present, but typically they know more, can handle communication / information flow more, and / or handle switching between parts better than other parts.

In our system (term we use for alters / parts) we have like two main gatekeepers (four total but thats complex shit); one of which does use this blog from time to time when he is out. A lot of his posts in his tag are more of me and XIV talking about him since he typically stays more internal lately, but he's chill enough for me to just throw his tag here.

-Riku (Host)

[arguablyclever]

Blogs-R-Us #1 (Assignment)

Roughly, the assignment here is to write at least a thousand words of free-flowing thought (ie word vomit) onto a blog about Cognitive Science and essentially hope for the best. So. Here goes.

[Word count begins here] Essentially, cognitive science, as I know it so far, is the study of metacognition, not just cognition as a whole. Nearly every framing device (ha ha) that we use to study these concepts seems to be about how people think about thinking, and not just patterns of free-form thought. Nearly every paper that we have read has been about a thought experiment in which the writer discusses their own thinking, and not much at all about their understanding of others’ experience being different than the writer’s own without some extenuating circumstance, such as hypothetical persons with and without Alzheimer's Disease keeping one of them from being able to remember anything without some external device to remind them. I mean, I certainly need reminders quite regularly, and to my knowledge, I have ADHD, not Alzheimer's. It has been rather frustrating throughout this class to read a lot of these papers, as the way they are written is circular logic, extremely convoluted in design and extremely difficult to read and at all understand; most of the other students with whom I have discussed these papers agree that most of it has just been a confusing mess. Nearly every single paper could be summed up in a matter of two sentences and still get the entire point across. I don’t know what was up with that guy and boats? Nearly the whole thing was about.... boats? I’m still not sure what he was talking about, or what he was getting at. All I can remember from it, even after going over it twice with a philosophy tutor, is boats. If he had summarized what he meant, it would be a lot less confusing, and maybe I’d remember what he was even talking about (beyond boats, of course). In short: I feel like it all should have been a lot more straightforward. And, as I continue to essentially rant out my frustrations with these papers, why is nearly every single one so self-centric? I understand the fact that people cannot escape their own minds, but I feel that there’s a limit to how much you can use yourself as an example of the populace. In psychology, at least, you need a sample size of at least thirty to be able to start any sort of survey or experiment. Self-examination may be a start to trying to figure out what to study, but in nearly all of these, the authors are essentially making themselves a case study equal to the entire populace of their culture! It just makes no sense to me. It may very well be, though, that I am saying so as someone who personally knows their own neurodivergences. I know for a fact that I have a number of neurodivergent qualities that make me rather different from the populace as a whole, and thus, I have the frame that I, personally, cannot ever use myself as an example of the populace. Thus, I am projecting that quality onto others; I cannot assume my mental state as it functions fits the pattern of functioning of others’ brains due to neurodivergence, but can neurotypicals safely make such assumptions? I have decided not, and here is why: sometimes, neurodivergences are minor, or otherwise impossible to detect. There is also no guarantee that the majority of the populace is not neurodivergent in some way, and very few neurodivergences, even with the same diagnosis, are that similar in symptomology. ADHD, for instance, has a very wide range of possible symptoms, even in adults, each of which can be present (or not!) in different people. And that’s not even a spectrum disorder! This, of course, isn’t even to mention my being called upon in class multiple times, and ending up with a very different answer than most others in our class. During the Framing lesson, for instance, I was called upon twice: once to draw a “vehicle,” and once because I chose a strange answer to a very generic question. Upon being asked to draw a “vehicle,” my mind went through a variety of hoops: Firstly, I do not drive, and while at school, am not driven about much. I personally do not consider things a “vehicle” unless they have a motor or other mechanical self-propulsion of sorts (though possibly fuel-based), and by golly, that must mean that more motors makes something more “vehicle!” Not only that, but as a child, I spent quite a bit of time playing a game called Spore, wherein there are three types of vehicles one could have in the Civilization stage of the game, being land vehicle, water vehicle, and air vehicle, the best and most versatile of which is, of course, the air vehicle. Thus, my first instinct when told to draw a “vehicle,” is to draw an airplane, much to the surprise and, frankly, dismay of my classmates, who all imagined that I would draw what they would: a blocky mid-sized sedan. An airplane has, often, four motors (double a hybrid car’s two), ten wheels, many passengers to carry about, plenty of cargo space, brakes, gas, et cetera. To me, it’s the quintessential “vehicle.” Upon being asked to write down one zoo animal, my instinct was “meerkat,” which was specifically pointed out and stated to be strange. The reasoning, of course, was that the San Diego Zoo has a very high-end Africa-centric exhibit area, which includes a wide field for meerkats. Most zoos have lions, tigers, bears (oh my), penguins, giraffes, elephants, zebras, the works, but the San Diego Zoo is known for a lot more. I’m not there to see those other exhibits I could see anywhere else. I want to see the strange and new when I go to look at an exhibit somewhere. Thus, meerkat is my first instinct when I hear “zoo.” It had not occurred to me before that even my most instinctive shout-outs would be so different from even the rest of the class in a school filled with people I had thought were so much like me. In short: don’t assume your brain and other brains work the same way, no matter who you are. They don’t work the same way, and pretty provably. See example: neurodivergences. [Word count: 1034]

[kiddiemom-blog]

Mythbusting Sleep Training Claims, Science-Style|Evolutionary Parenting|Where History And Science Fulfill Parenting

Source: Unidentified

If you remain in the organisation, as I am, of having to talk with a great deal of individuals about sleep training and what it involves or merely reside in a Western culture and have actually heard of people speaking about sleep training non-stop, you have likely heard much of the claims and declarations about sleep training that are made. There tend to be five different locations that get covered by these claims: quality and amount of baby sleep, maternal psychological health, infant cognition and knowing, positive results of tension, and the development of self-soothing. In this post, I wish to cover each of them briefly (I have actually gone into more depth in other posts on here which I will likewise link to) and what the science actually informs us about each.

Quality and Amount of Baby Sleep

Sleep training enhances baby sleep, yes? Kids-- once sleep trained-- sleep longer and much better and are better for it, right?

Incorrect.

Yes, moms and dads wake less and report less wakings (though in the long-lasting when compared to controls even this is doubtful [1], however the problem with moms and dad report is that they aren't in fact sitting and viewing their kids all night understanding exactly how and when they sleep. Fortunate for us, we have techniques that can do such a thing and have been utilized in a couple of research studies to take a look at the quality and quantity of baby sleep after sleep training-- actigraphy or videosomnography-- as well as reviews of the literature as an entire to compare across studies. What trustworthy information do we have about baby sleep and sleep training from the research study that has been done?

Maternal Mental Health

Lots of people voice concerns over mommy's mental health and the requirement for sleep. It is thought that if moms sleep better, they won't be as likely to experience post-partum depression so a few of the push to sleep train comes from a somewhat well-meaning area. The issue here is that the research study isn't rather as clear in supporting this.

Now, it would be remiss of me to neglect the studies that do discover that ladies who are depressed are most likely to report baby sleep problems (e.g., [9], [10]. There are such studies and one of the bigger issues with them (as recognized in [3] is that they don't suggest causation. These analyses are typically structured such that ladies with anxiety report more sleep issues than women without, but this does not actually speak with the experience of sleep or what triggers what. It is quite possible that depression impacts sleep independently of any infant sleep issues, as is understood to occur in grownups who suffer depression without children. [ 10] supports this hypothesis when they discover that no matter baby sleep issues, maternal report of her own sleep is a stronger link to depression.

One location I wish to keep in mind here is that infant sleep has actually not changed from a biological perspective; nevertheless, our culture has. Post-partum anxiety has actually not been something that is widespread due to infant sleep but may undoubtedly be another example of what has been terms an evolutionary inequality. That is, infants expect to wake and nurse and co-sleep, however in our society these are not considered good behaviours (certainly, in many of the studies above-- specifically [6], [8], and [10]-- these are in fact the requirements for an infant sleep issue, not a subjective report from the mom) and therefore are discredited. They exist for a reason and the lack of support that numerous families face when parenting in a biological or evolutionary manner can develop problems where there otherwise may not have been any.

Infant/Toddler Cognition and Learning

Sleep assists learning, right? We understand that if we nap after discovering something, we do much better at remembering it. This understanding has resulted in a lot of panic amongst parents who have children and young children who are completely biologically typical and wake in the evening. In some way we have actually confused the reality of sleep and finding out with a belief in a needed long period of sleep in young childhood. We need to set this right, so let us review what we know about sleep and infant cognition and learning.

Now, again, I need to mention that there are research studies that have discovered relationships in between more combined sleep and cognitive efficiency. One of the more interesting notes is that studies that have discovered sleep to be crucial are less likely to be longitudinal in nature and based on one time point evaluation. It is also rather most likely that provided the variety of variables that can affect cognition, sleep is simply one that may or might not have a modest effect based on what is occurring with the other variables. The consensus right now in the literature is that sleep just doesn't appear to effect infant development on a larger level (e.g. [ 16].

The Favorable Impacts of Stress

The typical claim here is that the tension of sleep training is actually not excellent and not just that, but a bit of tension is in fact helpful for us human beings. Hence, we can see that leaving an infant to cry in the evening is assisting them.

Not so.

Here is a brief summary of the research study, though I connect a full piece below that has tackled this misunderstanding in far higher information than I will enter into here:

The Development of Self-Soothing

One of the more fundamental views out there is that if you do not sleep train your child, they will lack certain emotion regulation abilities.

Ideally by now you can completely comprehend why a lot of the important things being said about sleep training falls under the classification of 'misconception'. These are not truths, they are not supported by science as a whole, and they certainly fly in the face of evolutionary biology and anthropology. Understanding that these are cultural beliefs must help in feeling more positive in your own reactions and responsivity to your kids.

[1] Info sheet from the Infant Sleep Details Source at Durham University, found here: https://www.dur.ac.uk/resources/isis.online/pdfs/ISIS_sleep-training_2015.pdf [2] Galland BC, Sayers RM, Cameron SL

, Gray AR, Heath ALM, ..., Taylor RW. Anticipatory guidance to prevent baby sleep problems within a randomized regulated trial: baby, maternal and partner outcomes at 6 months of age. BMJ Open 2017; 7: e014908. [3] Douglas PS, Hill PS. Behavioral sleep interventions in the very first six months of life do not enhance outcomes for moms or babies: a systematic review. J Dev Behav Pediatr 2013; 34: 497-507. [4] Gradisar M, Jackson K, Spurrier NJ, Gibson J, Whitham J, et al. Behavioral interventions

for infant sleep issues: a randomized regulated trial. Pediatrics 2016; 137: e20151486. [5] Hall WA, Hutton E, Brant RF, Collet JP, Gregg K, et al. . A randomized controlled trial of an intervention for infants'behavioral sleep problems. BMC Pediatrics 2015; 15: 181. [6] Lam P, Hiscock H, Wake M. Results of baby sleep problems: a longitudinal research study of sleep,

behavior, and maternal well-being. Pediatrics 2003; 111; e203. [7] Pennestri MH, Laganière C, Bouvette-Turcot AA, Pokhvisneva I, Steiner M, Meaney MJ, Gaudreau H. Uninterrupted baby

sleep, development, and maternal mood. Pediatrics 2018; in press; doi: 10.1542/ peds.2017-4330. [8] Hiscock H, Wake M. Randomized managed trial of behavioural infant sleep intervention to improve infant sleep and maternal mood.

BMJ 2002; 324: 1062. [ 9] Dennis C, Ross L. Relationships among infant sleep patterns, maternal fatigue, and advancement of depressive symptomology.

Birth 2005; 32: 3. [ 10] Hiscock H, Wake M. Baby sleep problems and postnatal anxiety: a community-based study . Pediatrics 2001; 107: 1317-1322. [11] Ednick M, Cohen AP, McPhail GL, Beebe D, Simakajornboon N, Amin RS. An evaluation of the effects of sleep throughout the first

year of life on cognitive, psychomotor, and personality advancement. Sleep 2009; 32: 1449-1458. [12] Freudigman KA, Thoman EB. Baby sleep during the very first postnatal day: a chance for evaluation

of vulnerability. Pediatrics 1993; 92: 373-- 79. [13] Gertner S, Greenbaum CW, Sadeh A, Dolfin Z, Sirota L, Ben-Nun Y. Sleep-wake patterns in preterm

infants and 6 month's home environment: implications for early cognitive development. Early Hum Dev 2002; 68: 93-- 102. [14] Borghese IF, Minard KL, Thoman EB. Sleep rhythmicity in early babies: implications for developmental status. Sleep 1995; 18: 523-- 30.

[15] Mindell JA, Leichman ES, DuMond C, Sadeh A. Sleep and social-emotional development in babies and young children. J Clin Child Adolesc Psychol 2017

; 46: 236-- 246 [16] Mindell JA, Moore M. Does sleep matter? Effect on development and operating in infants. Pediatrics 2018; in press; doi: 10.1542/ peds.2018-2589 [17] Gunnar MR, Donzella B. Social guideline of the cortisol levels in early human development. Psychoneuroendocrinology 2002; 27: 199-220. [18] Gunnar MR. Social guideline of stress in early childhood. In K. McCartney & D. Phillips (Eds. ), Blackwell Handbook of Early Childhood Advancement(

pp. 106-125). Malden: Blackwell Publishing, 2006. [19] Monroe SM, Harkness KL. Life tension, the"kindling"hypothesis and the recurrence of anxiety: Considerations from a life-stress perspective.

Psychological Review 2005; 112: 417-45. [20] Perry B, Szalavitz M. The Boy Who Was Raised As A Canine: And Other Stories from a Kid Psychiatrist's Notebook -- What Distressed Children Can Teach Us About Loss,

Love, and Recovery. Fundamental Books, 2017. [ 21] Campos JT, Frankel CB, Camras L. On the nature of feeling regulation. Kid Development 2004; 75: 377-94. [22] Rothbart MK, Ziaie H, & O'Boyle CG

. Self-regulation and feeling in infancy. In N. Eisenberg & R.A. Fabes (Eds. )Feeling and its regulation in early development: New instructions for kid development, No. 55: The Jossey-Bass education series(1992) (pp. 7-23). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers. [23] Stifler CA, Braungart JM. The guideline of unfavorable reactivity: Functionand development. Developmental Psychology 1995; 38: 448-55. [24] Kopp C. Guideline of distress and negative emotions: a developmental point of view. Developmental Psychology 1989; 25: 343-54. [ 25] Hanson JL, Nacewicz BM, Sutterer MJ, Cayo AA

, Schaefer SM, et al. Habits problems after early life tension: contributions of the hippocampus and amygdala. Biological Psychiatry 2014; DOI: 10.1016/ j.biopsych.2014.04.020

[scripttraumasurvivors]

please help me to understand something. In some books, mainly YA, i keep on seeing this trope: "too broken from trauma to functionate" or something like that. I fail to understand this trope, and how reaalistic it is and if it should be avoided. Can you help me?

Some people are too broken after trauma to function-

in the environment that they’re being forced to try and function in.

I think this is an important distinction especially when looking at a character. I don’t mean ‘until the MC comes in and saves the day’

I mean ‘until something about how they’re being expected to function changes significantly’.

If you look at 19 year old me’s symptomology and the way I was ... functioning- I was too broken to function. The environment I was in was triggering, I was under high stress, I had next to no support system and further more, I didn’t trust any attempts for a support system to exist- considering the last one I’d had decided to take advantage of me while I was dissociating heavily, knowing I was dissociating. I was an addict with a supply. I had someone who was willing to let me use sex as self harm.  I regularly lost time. I couldn’t keep a friend to save my life, I was... broken. Too broken to function.

21 year old me worked an office job 40 hours a week and did volunteer work for... basically another 40 hours a week. Still had symptoms, but I wasn’t a walking time bomb until a. I was in a car accident and b. my father’s health started tanking again.

The difference between 19 and 21 isn’t ‘lots of therapy’ or a savior figure. (though, there was some therapy in there.)

The biggest difference was the environment.

I got taken away from the people who were enabling my self destruct. I was no longer in that triggering environment. I was still suspicious of attempts to help, but I was no longer paranoid they were in contact with the person who hurt me. I was no longer under the same kind of stress and deadlines, and I definitely didn’t have to keep looking over my shoulder for the person who hurt me.

All of a sudden I had time to learn how to deal with my anxiety and my nightmares and my trauma. I had a space to do it in without 7000 other things on my plate as well.

Characters should work similarly. Either the environment should change or they should *learn* something that helps them deal with their environment.

A character whose symptomology involves... agoraphobic tendencies might not function if they’re forced out of their house all the time whether they feel comfortable or not. Might do better if they’re allowed to find their new safe and encouraged to do... smaller, controlled experiments with leaving those safe spaces.

A character who is near people who remind them of their abuser may be too panicked to function. Too dissociated. Too _________. But given space from those people, may do alright.

A character who has been dealing with insomnia and sleep deprivation should find that over symptoms get better when they’re finally able to sleep well (for more than just a night).

A character’s anxiety might make them unable to function in a job that involves a lot of people- but they’re just fine when they’re in a position to not have to deal with the public.

I do think having characters that are just simply.... too broken to function and not showing that it is a. in part because of present factors and b. able to change-

it contributes to two things I think we should strive to avoid in our work.

The message that traumatized individuals have no hope of getting better ever. Which... leads people to some very dark ends when they believe that.

And the message that if one must be this traumatized to ride, so to speak. I’ve worked with a lot of people who didn’t believe what happened to them counted or effected them because it didn’t completely destroy them. They either got angry at themselves for having some side effects (since they weren’t as bad as those broken people, they should just.. be able to get over it already) or refused to acknowledge their symptoms as symptoms.

Hopefully that helps a bit,

TS