#i do just be wearing them at home though
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Man I love thrift shopping, it's such a boost of serotonin. Since it's munday anyway, peek the fits.
#𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐇 ‒ ooc ║#i also got a silk floor length dress but that's premium content 💅#at this point i have three dresses fit for a ball and no balls to go to 🥺#i do just be wearing them at home though#if you peek how dirty the mirror is no you don't 🔪
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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extremely embarrassed I am once again coming to you with 3 asks😔😔😔 elli read chapter 4
OH GOD. here we go. i panicked thinking this was about chapter 5 because of the mid-chapter 4 line but from the skim i just did i think I'm going to have to steel my heart or risk cardiac arrest from your reactions to the smut ( which, by the way, was the first smut I've ever written so please go easyonme ). Chapter 4, however, was incredibly fun to write so I'm excited to read through this. ( Sweet Dreams is playing too--i've had the tsp sskk playlist on loop to get in the mindset for part III )
Yes!!!! the PM is also in the tags! i couldn't make a murder mystery AU set in Los Angeles of all places and not have corporations with dirty hands and deep-pocketed old-money types floating around their establishments. Los Angeles doesn't and didn't have a main crime family with a lot of Aura, so inserting the PM without feeling like I was replacing a very real crime syndicate ( like I would if this was NY or Chicago ) was quite nice.
Yeah . . . TSP Atsushi is a whole different thing, on the surface at least. He's older, more experienced ( Yeah. ), and honestly, has bigger problems to deal with than the budding realization that he might like men so he just waltzes into flirtation with Akutagawa like it's nothing. If I were Ryuu I'd have pushed him down the stairwell by now, but he's too smitten for that.
I need to draw Mori in that shirt ( he did step up, after all. The Tsushimas weren't great, even if Dazai thinks of them with that wistfulness seen in Chapter 2 ).
OMG I CANNOT TELL WHATS BEEN BLACKED OUT IN THESE SCREENSHOTS SO I JUST FREAK OUT WHENEVER THERE'S A MASSIVE SPOILER QUOTE TT_TT. My blood goes cold. Poor Elli I bet there are entire conversations that are just a wall of grey rectangles to them.
I'd LOVE to write a bsd au set in a neo-futuristic AU!!!!!! honestly, that would go crazy, I can imagine it already.
I think Dazai is most attractive when he's shutting the fuck up unfortunately
Oh wow I feel like I'm watching a downward spiral into hornyposting in real-time surely this isn't going to go anywhere.
#ALSO: I think canonzai is already quite dog-coded! I know he actually refers to Chuuya as a dog#but the meanings behind them are quite different. Chuuya is a Sheep Dog#controlled#owned#he has a home and he'll loyally defend it to the point of ruin. Dazai pokes fun at that and forcibly opens Chuuya's eyes to the fact that h#HAS free will.#like the STB scene where Dazai puts saving the world on hold for Chuuya to make a decision for himself.#I don't think Dazai would be as interested if Chuuya just did as he was told. Dazai is the opposite. He's a stray#under the illusion of freedom#picking and choosing where he goes#but never belonging anywhere except for the nights in boxes taking shelter from the rain or for the few seconds he's loved when he's being#fed scraps by humans that pity him#but can't bring themselves to take him home. He tries and tries and he can't understand why everyone else--all the dogs around him who were#born and bred for companionship the way he was#have those lives#and he keeps trying and changing himself in the hopes that some day he gets to wear a collar and a tag like the clean dogs on walks with#their colorful leashes#so he learns tricks and welcomes pets and plays fetch#but when he bites people blame his nature as a stray#but he hasn't known anything else ( that is#until he joins the ADA ).#ask#hi guys!#omg i actually dont know where i was going with this#i do think Dazai is also incredibly cat coded#though#its hard becuase nobody is one or the other#thats just#people
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i just invented girls youre welcome
someone please try to guess waht the background is from please i was giggling like stupid getting it
#posting from a dark cave via messanger pigeon#just in case you wanted to know#this is an oc btw#a brand new one yippeeeee#no purpose in life no friends no home#exists to float in the void#this drawing was orignially traditional and i drew over it digitally#so the proportions are a bit weird#because i couldnt flip and resize things until it was actually fully drawn#but whatevr just ignore that#i miht steal her jacket and give it to mayo#or a recolour of it#or just a similar one#they can be matching#besties#im still not 100 percent on the design though#espeically the colours and like the weird strippy sock thing#any suggests on what i could do are welcome#as long as theyre polite#or else i will cry#my stupid daughter with dumbass gloves#wear them properly#actually looking at it now the peoprtions on this are reallyyyyy weird#buehhhh#and i worked so hardon it too#wipes tears from eyes#sniffles#its ok its whatver#ill just havce to draw more to make up for this#art
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So i may have skipped school
#rennikorambles#OKAY LOOK#there was so much to get done#we got home at 1 am#apparently we had a pictorial at 7 for softball and i didnt know what to wear#we had an activity in my techs subject#a quiz in politics#and we had to shoot a scene with me in it but the outfit im wearing in the scene I COULDNT FIND#so i just decided . yeah no im not doing this#sorry folks <3#told them i was sick#though that does mean i have to get a med certificate for proof and such but im sure it'll be fine
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this is a formal apology for every time i've read ur fnaf theories, gone "ah... of course! yes!" and then forgotten to respond
This is a formal apology for every time I've read one of your asks, not immediately had a TQ&/E, and forgotten to respond
#The box can wait my questions that need to be answered are why there is already a body in a Fredbear suit before the Bite#and what can 'I will put you back together' mean solely within those four games#like yeah it's robot kids but it wasn't then#that isn't 'four games; one story' that's using the next game in the series to elaborate on the previous one#(and the then new addition of books)#also what the hell was Fnaf World on about but I think I'm the only person that's thought about Fnaf World in years#yeah yeah Happiest day it's about CC I got that WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PLAYER WAS ONLY CREATED FOR THIS PURPOSE!!!#Okay yeah that's probably just an explanation for why the game exists but what the fuck is glitchy Fredbear#and why do *we* need to be told to rest#It's fucking important that they're clocks goddamnit#As of the Halloween update the story of Fnaf 4 still remained 'completely hidden'#So (I think) what Sister Location (AND THE SILVER EYES) tells us about it is the version of Fnaf 4 that the version of it that the communit#''''would accept''''#But the pieces didn't vanish into thin air after the custom night update for sister location dropped#And I think their being put together is reliant on the constant separation put between the GF kid and the rest of the MCI#And the body in the parts and service room#Could not tell you what CC saw though since I should hope that that kid's body hasn't been there for weeks#When I was talking about 'what if this isn't the first time CC had died' I mean basically dream theory with extra steps#I don't think I'm right but in literally every part of this franchise what is hammered in over an over is going into memories#and setting past events right to rest their soul#Happiest Day + Into the Pit being the biggest examples#And tangentially spirits not being fully anchored or aware after death#and reminding them of what happened to them involving crayon drawings and/or being shown their body#(The Fourth closet + Coming Home + the movie)#(and maybe Give Gifts Give Life....? it'd be stretchy)#Regardless of whether the Fnaf 4 gameplay and minigames are CC reliving the events leading to his death over and over as a wandering spirit#or pre-mortem nightmares or the effects of sound illusion disc gas on Micheal(/CC?) or any combination of the three or whatever else#I don't think the Crying Child's spirit was settled and aware until Happiest Day#(that being the first and only time a spirit is shown wearing a Fredbear mask and the kid has to put it on while the other four are already#And if for some godforsaken reason I am right about nightmare spirit journey Fnaf 4 then post Silver Eyes/Fourth Closet
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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The ADHD experience is forgetting where you set you cup down five minutes ago, but being able to pick up where you end off in a conversation you had 10 years ago. It's remembering the fine details of a book but forgetting who gave it to you, or if you bought it yourself. It's remembering a thing your best friend mentioned an interest in, but forgetting their birthday even though you've been best friends for 10+ years.
When we are bored, we become the equivalent of a husky in a cubicle. When the boredom gets bad, we break down, crying, and fall into a deep depression.
It's randomly getting the intense and overwhelming craving for a bowl of plain rice or a slice of bread with a little butter on it, and craving nothing else. Just this dose of carbs that brings absolute satisfaction.
It's fighting to convince your body to move and acquire food and water, but you remain trapped on the sofa, your brain and body will not move even though you haven't eaten or had anything to drink in 12 hours. You need to use the bathroom, your bladder is raging, and the only thing that finally gets your brain to behave is the pain.
ADHD isn't just some cute thing of being distracted with a case of the zoomies. It's a nightmare that results in losing jobs, poor eating habits, insomnia so bad you're awake for three days and fall asleep only because you're exhausted, and your home is filthy even though you desperately want to clean it up. There's nothing enjoyable about this fuckery.
#chaosfay talks#adhd#my hatred of vermin ants and other pests as well as my allergies are what keep my home clean. though i fight my brain so i can clean#the bathroom. the chemicals mess with my asthma so i wear a mask and gloves are necessary because of textures and skin reactions#i have a small wardrobe and hate shopping for clothes which means laundry gets done. a small house means it gets put away ASAP#but kitchen stuff? cooking is extremely difficult because i get distracted and forget to do things. ny husband is a professional#cook and enjoys cooking for me. we have a rice cooker now which means i'm eating lots of rice and satisfying my carb cravings#i have loud obnoxious alarms set up for med reminders especially now that i take meds twice a day instead of once a day#it's why i have meds set up in little organizers so i can just dump thr daily doses in my hand without trying to remember if i took them#it's why we're gonna remove the doors from the cupboards and cabinets and replace them with the kind you can see through#because out of sight out of mind 100% applies to my life. my cat is also very good at reminding me to feed her and clean her litter box#i might not remember your birthday but i can pick up our conversation from 10 years ago when i last saw you#even if i can't remember your name i will remember what we were chatting about as though it was only five minutes ago
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lmao not my mom making fun of my chosen name yesterday
#just blahs#kinda vent in the taga#tags*#boy oh boy do i love living in a home that only barely tolerates my queerness#sure i can cut my hair and wear button ups#but we dont approve of you getting pride merch or using your prefered pronouns or names with us#its fine for you to tell other people but were not going to use them even though we know#anyways#eaurgh
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not me struggling with these fucking ugly ass glasses all day and then fb popping this out as “on this day” from one year ago.
I’ve had them since 2020 and every few months I try to pull em out and make them work but. they’re so heinous… I just can’t do it anymore
#it’s hard too bc they’re HEAVY plastic with the bridge that’s just like. a joke#nothing to hold them up they WILL slide down your nose every 2.5 minutes#they are my NEMESIS#ulterior motive in posting this though bc I do think that otherwise I look very cute and I love my outfit here#I just am not a glasses girl anymore I’m NOT#I’ve had moments where I go back to them but truly contacts are my only home now#I think I actually went a few years with just glasses when I was like 18-20? but#I don’t know who that was …#she is nothing but a memory to me….#idk I like the way glasses look but I just really hate wearing them sooo much#at 27 I just finally started wearing sunglasses more regularly so …… idk
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Daily Log 5
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.
I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.
Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.
Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.
Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.
eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)
Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.
Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.
Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#Not sure if this is helping me be more productive#though I think it might in some ways help me appreciate things around me more. Since I'm kind of collecting 'notable' sights or smells#or things. sometimes through the day I'm looking around my environment trying to spot anything whimsical or wonderful or pleasing#I could see this excercise possiblyhelping people pick out more positives around them and appreciate small things in life more#I kind of already do that (very meticulous slow moving person who notices tiny details in everything) so I'm not sure if it's any more than#I usually would but.. eh?? maybe??#Still craving a ton of hearty foods lol my body is so so so deficient in something right now and I'm being very cool about it#I have a very high level of self control (so like am very responsible good at managing money and getting placeson time and planning and#etc. and abstaining from things if necessary (like wearing a mask and cutting out certain activities during a pandemice#or not eating something now that might hurt my stomach later etc. etc.) so It's not much of a problem but#if not... I would probably be ordering in so much random fast food and stuff or something ghh#Even before I was put on a restrictive diet by my doctors I still never ate out very much for money reasons#Usually once a month or less. this includes stuff like coffees (can be made at home cheaper) or drinks or etc.#Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit#/have never known or gotten used to anything else - because if not I feel like it would be a real shock or like a struggle#I have friends that order in food for like every single meal and it's only getting more and more expensive#so I guess it's kind of releiving to not really have the prospect of that stress as much (though things in the grocery store#are still expensive too so.. even if you're cooking at home. You do save money but its STILL a strain with the current#economy). ANYWAY... maybe sometimes it is good to be miserly and poor.. if I had unlimited money and a spending habit or something#I could go through with ordering ribs and chicken wings and 5 plates of lasagna and a burrito and udon and etc. and eat it all at once#and then have such a bad stomach pains I have to go to the hospital lol#ANYWAY...#daily log
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i dont like taking surveys usually but if it lets me give some scathing remarks to my shitty landlords then boy give me enough space for a fucking novel i WILL tell them to get their heads out of their asses
#you get 1.4 million in rent EVERY MONTH for this shit??#i swear there is an entire ant colony under my floorboards and like fifty spiders hanging around waiting to feast on them#i had to treat the place MYSELF#also why is the laundry room so fucking disgusting like ik its college students but what the fuck#just a WALL of lint in the lint catcher cover thing#and they all have like. brown dirt covering them and sand#and the place couldnt clean that shit up BEFORE we moved in??#the last place was cleaner at least even if they decided to replace all the laundry machines RIGHT AFTER THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTED#INSTEAD OF DOING IT DURING THE SUMMER WHEN NOBODY IS THERE#also the food situation is shit because why the hell is nothing really labelled#youve got one fridge with some like. gluten free cookies i guess#you (maybe) label whats vegan and gluten or dairy free on the online menu (not the physical labels??)#you only JUST started even labelling what your fucking desserts are#im not sure i trust your stale ass cereal let alone the ice cream machine#is it a good idea to have a self serve smoothie bar? probably fucking not but hey at least you tried to be cool#the music playing is obnoxious though#also just straight up dont reinforce quiet hours. in fact why not break them yourself. shitbags#hell knows no hatred like that of a person who has to deal with college students#also i can almost guarantee im one of the youngest here#i am so tired of being the responsible one. i am so so tired#this isnt about my landlord anymore#genuine-fucking-ly why do you all wear shoes in the house and why do you put said shoes on the table we put food on and why did you leave#your nasty little crumbs all over the couch and floor last night and why dont you clean your hair off the sink after brushing and why dont#you wash your dishes or at least rinse the food off instead of leaving them by the shared sink for days#and why dont you stop coming home stinking of weed and watching tiktoks loud as hell and closing doors like you are slamming them#and why dont you fucking communicate your problems to my goddam face and why dont you tell us before you start a fucking hair business#in the living room???#and why has nobody though to clean the gotdam microwave. why have your meatball bits been in there for like. 3 weeks#'just tell them if you have a problem with it' WHO LEAVES MEAT BITS IN THE MICROWAVE AFTER SPILLING IT???#i wouldnt have a problem if you had some common fucking sense
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Had a particularly rotten case of “my dreams are real and trying to eat me” last night and I just don’t know how much longer I can put up with this shit actually
#like first off the temperature was an awful mix of freezing but i kept waking up every hour drenched in sweat#so it was like. i didnt want the blanket on cuz id get hot but i was shivering grrr#and i couldnt escape the dreams easily and slept in very very late#but it was like this dream where it was my birthday and there was a party at a very tall hotel#and there was like a massive line of people all the way to the top and they had presents for me#and i felt really special cuz damn i didnt know so many people could actually care but i also felt like i deserved to die#cuz thats just an excessive amount of people and itll take forever for me to get to them all#I was climbing the stairs with my parents and the first 50 floors were just ppl unrelated to my birthday and they were really mad at me#cuz the party was ruining their home and there was like poison sludge we had to crawl through at one point#and we stopped for a break and these two guys passed by talking like ‘i wonder whose birthday it is i bet theyre ugly and disgusting’#i never made it to my party though. instead i ended up stuck in bed on a cold scary night#i could hear my dad breaking in and putting presents in my bed but i couldnt react#and when i woke up he was doing all these ‘thoughtful’ things for me but they were actually really annoying#like he laid out clothes for me to wear but they were like church clothes and they didnt even fit#and he started rummaging through my closet making a huge mess saying he was looking for his scarf#and that i mustve taken it and i kept saying that ive never even seen his stupid scarf stop digging through my shit#but he didnt listen and didnt find anything obviously but made a huge mess and he said i needed to hurry up and get ready already#but i couldnt find my actual clothes and i had to clean now and i was really frustrated#my mom said to stop ruining everything by being mad at my dad hes just being nice hes just being nice hes just being nice#he organized the party just for me but i didnt even want a party and i kept having to take over and clean up his mistakes#it wasnt even my birthday except actually it was except actually it wasnt it was it wasnt#i was trapped in an office being chased i was drowning i was being watched i was being bullied#i woke up in my dark scary bed but i was still dreaming but was i? was it my birthday? i wish i had presents#i dont know whats real or fake anymore its all the same anyways just dark cold and gray with no escape
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Guys I have a job interview at a law office and I don’t have a single fucking thing to wear
#i have NEVER interviewed for a corporate job ever. i’ve only ever worked in education and hospitality#i’ve interviewed for medical as well (receptionist) but didn’t get it#i’m so scared for it because i Know i’m not put together enough. i basically look like i’ve recently transformed from wolf to human#at all times. stray hairs and dishevellment and loose clothes with no buttons etc#i have a pair of formal trousers but i think they’re too baggy on me now and make me look like i have a weird crotch situation happening?#and regardless do i want to be wearing black trousers in the middle of august#also i don’t have a good shirt to go with them. i mean i have two white button downs but they’re both kind of sheer#i could do a tank top and light coloured bra underneath and hope for the absolute fucking best#i do also have a black button down but that doesn’t fit me well either#i could tuck it in? but i feel i’ll look like a waiter in an italian restaurant#my biggest worry is actually shoes. i have no shoes. i ordered a pair of flats from vinted and i just hope to god they’ll arrive in time#and fit okay. otherwise i might have to wear boots#i could wear a dress and tights. i have this long beige dress that’s more elegant than i’m making it sound right now#that plus tights plus jewellery COULD work#i have a lot of jewellery and a bag that looks a lot nicer than it is so i’m not worried about that#i’m mostly worried about my nails; my hair and my face in roughly that order#i’m a chronic nail biter. i just dug up some of that polish that makes them taste bad and i’m going to apply it day and night#til the interview. and trim off anything that looks weird#my hair i’m going to leave down because when i put it up i end up looking like i have a disproportionately small head#so i just have to hope it’s not a windy day and my hair doesn’t decide to do anything appalling#i guess i could tie it up until i actually get to the office#my skin.. i don’t know how to do makeup so i don’t try. right now i have a cold and my period so i’m breaking out really bad#i just have to hope all of this clears up. and do my skincare routine#god it’s exhausting. it’s exhaustiiiiing and they probably won’t even hire me. and if they do i probably won’t be able to do the job#can you imagine me answering the phones at a law office? if anyone’s rude to me i’ll probably just hang up and then cry#i have to try it though because if i keep working from home i’m going to have a psychotic break#and it’s a short bus ride from my house. so there’s that#personal
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✮ sylus x wife!reader
contents: fluff, suggestive. arranged marriage au. hints of slow burn. you like playing hard to get and he loves calling you his wife. 1.4k wc.
꒰ note ᰔ I had to deposit my messy thoughts somewhere and this headcanon post was the result.
part two here. ꒱
⭒ Arranged marriage with Sylus where he prefers to call it a “strategic partnership” as a means of appearances to flaunt that he has it all—an empire, riches, strength, influence and now a darling wife who waits for him at home. You’re not so much as a random choice, Sylus had been watching you from afar for a while and in exchange for his protection in the N109 zone he strikes a deal with you to play a simple role. You have every reason to be wary of him and know to keep your wits about yourself, but even you acknowledge that your chances are better with him. Though, if you asked him how he was so certain you’d agree to his proposal he’d admit that he wasn’t but he knew you’d consider it if he had an advantage over you.
⭒ He sets his terms and conditions—you reside in his humble abode, wedding ring always worn on your finger, and attend events with him as a pretty accessory on his arm to contribute to his image. But he’ll never admit that he actually enjoys your company at business functions that often feel dull to him. You are more than welcome to spend your days as you please so long you don’t cause him trouble, and that also means you have his black card privileges to spoil yourself rotten. Of course, he accommodates most requests you may have like sleeping in separate rooms if that’s what you wish (and redecorating because his furnishing decisions are quite bleak).
⭒ Luke and Kieran can sense that their boss feels something for you despite his nonchalance toward this little arrangement. It starts off small, it always does—Sylus takes note of your morning and night routine, your picky eating habits and has the chef make adjustments to your preference, how he sees you out in the gardens and come back with spring tulips to brighten the space and the next week he already replaced the slowly withering flowers with fresh ones. The twins whisper among themselves that he’s often less annoyed and irritated when you’re around, and their boss wouldn’t go through the trouble of being considerate unless he cares for you. It’s almost exciting for them both to witness a budding romance unfold before their very eyes and they do offer a helping hand here and there to keep things interesting.
⭒ Sylus thinks it’s adorable how you keep trying to resist him and that’s precisely the reason he loves seeking you out just to watch your resolve crumble under his touch. He finds you in the kitchen preparing a snack and cages you from behind with his hands planted on either side of you against the counter. “Hey kitten, I thought I’d find you in here.” You feel his hot breath down your neck as he pushes your hair aside just enough to lay a soft kiss on your shoulder. He chuckles when you comment that he’s being awfully touchy with you, and he purposely moves closer so that his chest is pressing against your back. “Perhaps I just can’t keep my hands to myself where you’re involved. Besides, you’re my wife now. I think I have the right to touch you whenever I like.”
⭒ You remind him that you’re his wife in title only, but that doesn’t discourage his flirtation and teasing as he allows you to nudge past him. He follows you into the common area and takes a seat on the couch, spreading his legs wide and taking up a lot of space. His gaze is settled on you as he pats his thigh and his lips curl into a smirk. “Come here, wife.” You naturally scoff meanwhile you place the plate of seasonal fruits on the side table and situate yourself closest to the armrest, taking a bite into a juicy red strawberry as you ignore his piercing stare.
⭒ For someone who always gets what he wants, Sylus isn’t used to being defied like this. And had it been anyone else his patience would wear dangerously thin, but he supposes that you’re a special exception because he seems to enjoy the chase and claiming its reward. With one small gesture, he drags you across the couch by a gravitational pull and you squeal when the swirling red easily turn and maneuver you so you’re forced to straddle him and your hands prop on his shoulders for support. “There, much better. Comfy? This is the best seat in the house.” His gaze locks with yours, and he thinks you huffing and frowning at him is simply cute. He firmly grabs your wrist with the bitten strawberry in your hand and lifts it to his mouth for a sweet taste.
⭒ “No fair… using your Evol against me like this.” You grumble under your breath as you gently trail your thumb from his chin to the corner of his mouth where the strawberry juices began to spill. Then an impulsive thought takes over and you pinch his cheek between your fingers, creating a sticky mess on his face. “I hope you’re enjoying yourself. That’s for treating me like a sack of potatoes.” He chuckles once more, his hand falling on your hip and he gives you a light squeeze. “Oh, I do have every intention of fully enjoying my wife tonight.” And by that, he means taking you out for a joyride on his motorbike and feeling your arms wrapped around him tightly as the engine roars through the streets under the night sky and sinking moon. Sylus would never engage in any intimate acts you weren’t ready for, but he loves seeing you fluster at his suggestive remarks.
⭒ As the weeks cross over into months, you never imagined that you’d be spending so much time with Sylus outside of your agreed terms. He’s everywhere in every waking moment of your life even when he’s not there physically. You’re learning new things about him each day and you (begrudgingly) like being around him—even when he can sometimes be a playful bully toward you. When he’s gone for long stretches of time to deal with negotiations and other important matters in the N109 zone, you can feel your heart yearning for him but you’d never say that you miss him out loud when you think he's still toying with you. But with the way he cares for you like you’re both in a real and genuine relationship, it’s hard to know his true intentions and keep your feelings buried deep inside your chest for long.
⭒ You accidentally confirm that Sylus does harbor romantic feelings for you when you carelessly bring up your replacement in a lighthearted joke. You’ve never seen his face falter so quickly at your words as he averts his gaze for a moment to collect himself—a hint of vulnerability in his crimson hues. “I wouldn’t have found a new wife.” He shakes his head and tells you, his voice a little rougher than before. You don’t know what to say, but you manage a soft “No?” that reaches his ears. “No. I wouldn’t have been able to replace you, kitten. You’re it for me. The only one. No one could fill the void you’d leave behind.”
⭒ You and Sylus have kissed before, but this is the first time you’re initiating it. As you brush your lips against his, there’s a softness you never noticed. His hand slips around the small of your back and he pulls you close against him, returning your kiss with the same tenderness as though savoring the taste of you. You lean back after a moment, your palm meeting his cheek in a sweet embrace. “You know, I'm still getting used to the idea that I’ve fallen for you.” You can see him returning back to normal when he offers you a cocky smirk. “And yet here you are. In my arms, with your lips on mine. I think you’re not being entirely honest, my beautiful wife.” Sylus has waited a long time to hear those words from you but you don’t need to know that right now.
#ᨳ ₊˚ 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐩.𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬#sylus#sylus x reader#l&ds x reader#love and deepspace x reader#sylus love and deepspace#lnds sylus#sylus lnd#sylus l&ds#lads sylus#l&ds sylus#love and deepspace
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So, as it turns out, my capacity for tyranny is actually fuckin huge and I'm really fucking good at it
I have so many more things to put in my book now
Peace Through Tyranny will be real circa 2048 and it'll still be sued by fucking Hasbro
#yippie peace through tyranny!!#matrix visions#So many fuckin matrix of leadership and matrix of conquest visions it's fucking unreal#A few days ago woman came up to me and my latest victim and was like “So what's wrong with you two?”#and then she started talking about the Bible. So I matched her by happily talking about my Bible study and shit#And she got taken aback and asked “So why are you living a life of sin?” and without hesitation#“Sin? What sin? Do you see any sin on me?” dressed as the most obviously queer person imaginable with a mask and cap on blocking my smile#and most of my telling facial expressions. She looked me up and down for a moment and went “Oh. Oh I see.” and then started talking about#where she's from and before she got to the “we don't dress like that there” part i go “Oh cool#I've got family there!“ which wasn't a lie because lying is inefficient and asked where she was from in her own damn home state and she#just got flustered. Eventually she fled with a smile on her face and I don't know what the hell she saw when she said “I see”#Maybe she realized I wasn't gonna stop talking. Maybe she realized I knew what I was talking about. Maybe she remembered the golden rule!#But to be completely honest I think she just realized she literally couldn't tell what was in my pants and didn't want to risk#the ego damage of realizing “Damn I can't actually tell who is and isn't trans even though I keep saying I can”#Because if she called me a man I'd nod my head. If she called me a woman I'd nod my head. This shit ain't nothing to me man.#I'm just. So glad my friend who I was taking care of this for didn't turn around and show off the literally Satanic shit she was wearing#Anyway that was the most opely hostile interaction but imagine that stretched over the course of a week#And I made them all fucking smile. Gave em the Lucitron Razzledazzle. or whatever lol#The Matrix of Deception really fuckin did light my darkest hour I can tell you that much. The other 2 were giving so many visions too.#There was even plenty more to the lady I mentioned but god. I am so fuckin good at tyranny it's unreal#I am a MACHINE that turn REACTIONARIES into FAGGOT LOVERS#And I'm coming to a State near you!!#Thinking it's the “Gay Agenda” means you've already fallen for my literal communist plot
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