#i didnt think id like this box but im actually really having fun with it! like the soap is nice and i love the scrubbies

[bmpmp3]

my inability to play mobile games nowadays is also a source of suffering as a person who loves rhythm games. i miss her (SIF1).....

[bunnyb34r]

Theres an item in the November lush box that smells so fucking good I wanna eat it, and it smells like something I used to eat as a kid and I cant figure out what 😭 I'm thinking it was a starburst limited edition or maybe a limited edition skittle

Anyway it's sooo good and I hope it wins as one of the new year round in store items bc 🥺💕

The big ass body soap like erupted when I opened it so I had to use it and it's sooo good too it's scrubby and my hands smell so good (well did... I just ate chicken wings sgdgdgs)

Also we got stickers and I saw them before I read any of the notes in the box and one says "I 💚 Gary" and we were like ??? The snail???

He's one of the inventors of these items agdgdgdgdg

[autism-corner]

i love handsewing but man this would be 100 times easier if i actually had a machine.

[goomyloid]

What was your process for making the Noelle amv, if you don't mind sharing?

hii! im not sure how eloquently or clearly ill be able to explain it but i definitely have some pictures you can look at!

(the video)

i actually got the idea while i was away on a trip with very limited wifi -- it wasn't Trust Me that i got an AMV idea for first, but instead it was one of 4syu's other songs, There's Nobody. for such a happy sounding song it really made me so sad, to the point where if i tried to sing it to myself id get choked up by the chorus LMAO. it was baddd

but basically i was rapidly trying to find both songs on spotify so i could listen to them offline, and it only took me a few loops of Trust Me and thinking about the original MV to make me go "ohhhh. how can i make this about noelle." And so i did .

i was thinking about doing a storyboard, but in the past, i've found that doing storyboards for animations/AMVs lowkey... kills my motivation altogether... SAD... but i saw the whole video so clearly in my head, and i didnt want to make the same mistake i made before... so i went right to doing quick sketches (while still on my trip...) just so i could get the ideas out of my head

i was torn on what to do with my style at the time, whether i wanted to make it more similar to the original video, or to her canon appearance, or to MY style and how i draw her. i think it kind of ended up as an amalgamation of all three...? at the very least, her light world color palette definitely was more bland and desaturated, like i purposefully wasn't trying to do anything special with her colors.

after that point, and getting maybe a few of the actual drawings done, my motivation crashed again, and i left it all to marinate for nearly a week. it was baking, guys, it wasn't abandoned, listen to me, why are you throwing tomatoes at me,

i had up to about the "I dreamed about that again" animation done and stopped, and it wasn't until i decided to sit down and start editing it anyway that i really got in my groove again. i got all my little assets into a workable state so i could really try to sit down and make the video come to life and all

the really fun part was honestly working on the desktop backgrounds. i really wanted to limit colorpicking from the original video as much as possible, but i decided that making look as similar as possible to the original could help with the contrast i wanted to add later.

i drew these two backgrounds first. i was hoping i could somehow fit the bunker into the second one, but decided to do something different anyway. the second one's ui didn't actually change until later in the editing process.

drawing THESE were fun especially, and im happy with how they came out. i think the dark world icons are really cute still. one thing i really did know i wanted to do from the beginning was to turn the soul/undertale icon into the deltarune one.

i was worried if the shift from the Windows Field Background to the dark world would be too sudden, like you would just blink and suddenly it was all different, but i think it ended up all right...?

the not so fun part was drawing all the different boxes, lmao. it go really tedious by the end, so i tried to reuse as many of the same ones as i could.

a lot of copy-pasting and tracing rectangles for sure.

i also had to make sure the animations didnt Suck. i brute forced those things and used every last braincell i had in order to make those pictures move bros

fun fact. ive never animated hair like this before. or in any complex manner really. i had to use sooo much brain here... heres how it started vs. how it ended up

had my animator gf hype me up thru the whole thing... i was having a great time based on the filenames alone

aaaand then ummmm i edited it. i learned after effects like 1 month ago. never touched it before. i learned it for internship purposes and then used my newfound powers for evil it seems

i split the whole thing up into multiple compositions of course, but i probably could have split things up more... im sorry for having 84 layers on comp 3 its not my fault

editing a video in 12 fps was a fun change though -- very easy for my brain to go frame-by-frame, and yet still some of the timing ended up being off... tis the goomy way

like i said before, i started editing when i barely had half the drawings done, but seeing it all start to be in motion really pushed me to finish it up. and i mean Really. like i finished the whole thing maybe 48 hours after i first started editing.

and...i think that's it? i do a lot of discord art streaming to friends lately but i kinda kept this one more under wraps compared to usual, i think i just wanted to surprise everyone... look guys i remembered how to make a video! and it's three minutes! waow

sorry if this is way more than you asked for LMAO

also, the AMV hit 5k views on youtube today! ive never had a video do well like that so quickly! thank you!!

[skunkes]

would love to see a breakdown of some of ur design decisions for ur furs ^_^ like what animal traits u have fun including, which traits arent accurate but are Cute so u included anyways etc. not necessarily super detailed or anything but like stuff u have fun with ^_^

hi hi hi

dis is kind of hard to answer since I don't have many furry ocs + am still learning to draw them in general when i take comms and such! i'll try to explain some with skunker and cow al

I like sort of mixing and matching things to fit personality, while trying my best to keep it Animal. skunker is my sona so design choices are to my preferences, nose and eyes are more Iconic (in the sense of representive, stylized symbols) because its Fun, Cute, and Me, when in the past i was more focused on drawing the nose "Accurately", like the skunk on the left.

but that doesnt mean i cant still draw it if necessary on another character! His hands also aren't accurate to the big claws skunks have (i bite my nails), and his tail is Smooth! all comes together for a specific character representation as you can see with the difference between em

it's similar with cow al (+ easier to base off of his human form lol) (also sorry the random cow looks so uncanny i didnt give it as much atention + im tired rn).

I try to keep traits i associate w the species (like the cute big eyelashes cows have) but there's always room to remove or adjust em if it fits the character, like with smunker's tail + claws, + cow al's chin etc! i try really hard to still keep them looking like Animals (and recognizable as their species!) though despite this, + there's lots of room to adjust for that while keeping em recognizable as Themselves

i wish i cld say something more coherent but it really is Case By Case for me...! + im still learning + i don't have a lot of room to do so... + also im sure id have a slightly harder time with individual traits if i was drawing a new fur from scratch vs based off a human form bc im not used to it

(this is actually all why i have such a hard time with furry comms...! like, i wont draw someone's skunk oc the same way i draw smunker...most immediate obvious trait on a character is Eyes and i struggle with eyes so much, have to make it all Fit the character's personality while not straying too far from the 2 furry ocs people see me draw and expect things to look like, have to think outside the box of the aforementioned 2 furry ocs whose specific traits im already used to etc etc...

wish i had all the time in the world to spend drawing someones furry oc to get them down accurately but for now i jst gotta keep practicing)

[moldwood]

a little bit delayed but tysm for the blender course recs!! there was actually a good amount of overlap between the courses you linked & the ones i had in my cart so that was definitely reassuring, and there were a couple you mentioned that i hadnt found in my search that i also ended up getting. the first one you linked was one that i actually didnt find on my own and im so glad you mentioned it, bc it uses a more victorian style, which is exactly what im after (as opposed to the more medieval/tudor style of most of the ones i found).

i guess this is kind of irrelevant now, but since you mentioned it, my goal is mainly to just make like modular buildings to put a city together. in the short term id just like to be able to make some sort of basic 3d map without worrying much about interiors or props, since i have some... complicated ideas that i havent had much luck mapping out in 2d. id love to get into more detailed stuff down the line but i could only afford so many courses lmao. i think making something a player could walk around in would be really fun but thats like... ill get there when i get there, u know.

(also yeah i saw that stupid chatbot on blendermarket. personally i think they shouldve given me the retopoflow that i mised as an apology lmao)

hell yeah! i'm glad to have helped! if you got any of the unreal engine courses, those are great for making walkable environments, but you can just as easily take anything you make and follow a separate guide on porting it all into unreal if you are inclined. bonus unasked for advice, but it could be also worth looking into tutorials on how game designers build their maps since you'll be in a similar situation when you get to planning the city out. i imagine it is a lot of gray boxing with some cheats to cut down on how much you need to actually put in

AND FELT. missing the retopology addon was the biggest heartbreak. but at least the lighting one is a big step up from the chatbot + free trial for the cloth one

[themediummultiverseau]

Sorry I put the question in the wrong place before. What were the ghosts favorite holiday when they were alive?

(pretty sure you put it in the right place before! dont worry haha)

dream - i never really paid much attention to holidays, but there were some people in the village celebrated something they called "Litha," id see them light bonfires and dance, flowers woven into hair or fur, and i just remembered they looked so pretty and like they were actually having fun, but i dared not join in, not after my brothers death...

Dust - New years, i always saw it as a time to improve myself....make a new start and leave it all behind. Of course, that never happened, im such a failure, i could never improve

Killer - i was never raised very religious, but mum was, so i guess Eid ul-Fitr. We always had great sweets and i remember putting up pretty decorations, it always looked pretty and i just remember it being like, so cool

Horror - Christmas, spending time with my family and cooking a huge meal for them all to enjoy? Right up my alley! I always hosted, pretty much every year, and seeing the joy on my siblings face at the food that was so limited dressed up to be a meal fit for a king... It was just perfect!

Nightmare - I was always fond of All Hallows Eve. Once, i dressed myself up to be seen as a demonic spirit to scare some villagers scream, i can still see the look on their faces all these years later, and i could help those who were kind to me when they came to my door for offerings, of course, i couldnt let them know thats what i was doing. I did always enjoyed apple bobbing too... That always upset mother haha, something about it "disgracing our souls," never cared much myself honestly.

Ink - oh, huh? Holidays? uhhh, i dont know... Oh! Guy Fawks - Bonfire Night! I always made the guy to put on the bonfire, and fireworks are pretty too! Great to paint, and pretty simple haha! (Nightmare looks on in horror)

Error - Bah humbug - (Its christmas; he likes spending time with family, even if he doesnt want to admit it)

Geno - oh, i always liked boxing day, christmas was always so hectic, and the next day you got to just sit around and eat leftovers! I liked halloween too, we always went to the graveyard and lit candles for the graves, i always liked doing that.

Cross - ...Would it be silly to say St. George's Day? I grew up on those stories, and wanted to be like him when i grew up, a strong and noble soldier...

Lust - Valentines..... ( he used to give out wild flowers he picked to people on the streets as gifts, but he never found anyone who'd give one back...now he never will.)

Sans - not a ghost, but i think you can guess... (its april fools)

I really wanted to put a variety of holidays in here, but i myself am pagan and brought up in a mostly christian country, so if i messed up with anything, im sorry, it was not my intention - also, i put a bunch of holidays that are only celebrated over here in the uk, i didnt really think about it, and now there here - this au is mostly based on british history, because thats what im familiar with, and most of my historical knowledge is just from my own head, but theyre not really british, they live in some weird world that doesnt really exist so idk, think what you will haha

ii was not sure what i wanted to draw here, and it ended up being nothing - but theres a change i might add some at a later date)

Thank you for your support decadentroadmakerturtle, it means the world! :)

[toonilumi]

I’m not an ominous gray figure in your ask box by will, my friends just don’t need to know that I am publicly BEGGING for fun facts about Nowhere Train. Lumibing old chap I am pleading for the knowledge.

well colorful text anon, i can provide the best of my abilities! Kind of. maybe i can talk about my general thought process with nowhere train instead.

So i've been in a bit of a slump regarding it, but I think I'm finally pulling myself out. See, my Toontown fixation has refused to let me enjoy much else besides it, so a LOT of my OC projects got thrown on the backburner. Its part of the reason I fell off of the splash arts (that and general lack of motivation...). NWT was also in a bad spot of me feeling really really insecure about it.

I... know we're all going through multiverse burnout, so i became really worried about me potentially perpetuating that cycle when i didnt mean to. But I watched Cartoonshi's video about the thing and realized... oh i was just overreacting. That, and I finally got around to finalizing some much needed redesigns. The main 4 just need to be digitized and they'll be done. I wanna touch up Polaris, Henundher, Backenforth, Cozimo, and Stealer so theyre still a WIP (polaris and stealer are very close to being done though).

Coming into the new year I want to actually... do Stuff with them. Now that ive made peace with the fact Im not required to do lunium/"danganmon" content I feel much more free. Unfortunately I must reiterate they are also on the backburner compared to anything Toontown related, so it will be a slow start.

I stated a while ago Id love for it to be animated someday, which is true! But I understand that is... a long time away if it comes at all. Could we expect a comic at some point? Maybe, I've certainly honed my skills regarding the craft. I'd really prefer to start small though (even though I... have mostly worked with small one shot comics, I wanna build to something bigger, ya feel?). Whatever happens... happens I suppose.

I also want to... find meaning in the NWT cast. Various DGM incidents have lead to me feeling detached from my own characters, and I'm only like... JUST recovering from that. Its a hard balance to strike! You want to care enough that they mean something to you, but not too much that attacks against them become personal. This of course could just be because of my interests right now, but you never know.

Anyways, I think I've gone on long enough. This probably isn't what you asked for but it was kind of a vague question! No hate though, I love talking sometimes.

[thickest-slimiest-malware]

rating tma factions based on how scary they are to me

as soon as i realised there were categories i felt the need to sort and review them, so i was thrilled to find there was an in-universe list.

the burried: 4/10 when you describe the pain of a box physically shrinking and the pain of it squeezing you i sympathise, but the fear of just being in a space seems unreasonable. however i am also scared of boredom and being trapped somewhere for too long, and of being uncomfortable.

the corruption: 3/10 i gotta say i really feel comfortable with that stuff by now. i could swim in it. definetally would join if i had that option. i used to have more of this fear but i overcame it, its thrilling.

the dark: 9/10. darkness is actually one of my biggest fears, but only when i cant sleep. im really scared of not being able to sleep

the desolation: 1/10 they seem cool as fuck i would also join them, i love fire

the end: 2/10 boring

the eye: 5/10 i think. there havent been too many examples yet, but for sure, a healthy ammount of scary

the flesh: 4/10 slaughterhouses are also one of my childhood fears, i had a dream of my pet being taken to the vet but later learning it was a slaughterhouse many times.

the hunt: 4/10 obviously very scary but... id say i enjoy being chased to some degree. i like running and feeling motivated for once

the lonely: 2/10 somewhat upsetting. im not scared of being alone temporarily, but im scared i will become too isolated in the future or like in general. but i could handle it as long as i'm entertained

the slaughter: 6/10 i'm scared of violence, i think a reasonable ammount.

the spiral: 10/10 ouch. if i can tell an episode is related to the spiral i am skipping it. im so scared of being less than sober, im so scared of being in trance

the stranger: 7/10 sexy. reminds me of art school. i love clowns. would also join

the vast: 3/10 i'm scared of being bored. emptiness sucks. not scared of the physical space tho. love me some fresh air

the web: 4/10 reasonably scary? i dont think i can think of realistic examples that are an active threat to me tho. also im good at blaming the person who actually manipulated me and promising revenge. besides someone putting in the work to manipulate me feels kinda nice.

well thats fun, its nice to have them all together like this, so i know what to avoid, and just for autism sake. my ratings may change in the future, as i am less than half way into the series.

note: wow being unemployed really does something to your brain. i spent 1.5 hours writing this and didnt really notice

[jonphaedrus]

2022 fic year in review

2022 was a weird year. i pulled an all-nighter on feb 16 and i was possessed by the ghost of prfr past and an opera only i care about and then i woke up ten months later (kidding. i have not woken up at all) nearly a million words later and with my entire life in slight disarray and an unbreakable obsession with pokémon villain from baby jrpg fake france

anyway let's do the breakdown. im gonna take some questions from the overall ao3 wrapped lists going around, and then do the greatest hits/thoughs of all my fav fics from every month of the year (by posted date, including if it was adjusted for reveals; im not taking into account when things were "actually" written, but also neither will ongoing wips still unfinished count)

total word count in 2022: i waited to post this until id posted my final fics of the year and got the final count and cant stop staring at that 780k total. wtf. some of this is wips from across multiple years updated in 2022 (and much of it is roleswap which is going to get bumped into 2023...) but it's the most i've ever written on my own, ever. multiple past years combined. i stuggled so much with writing from 2018-2021 and i thought i'd never find it as easy or relaxing again and to have found joy in my words makes me so happy. LOOK HOW MUCH I WROTE! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

fav fic i wrote this year: not counting ongoing wips (sorry roleswap. otherwise roleswap would be like the #1 thing on every answer), "tomorrow you must love me" is the best thing ive ever written (before roleswap) and it was such a joy and struggle to work on. i was so nervous and scared writing every bit of it but it came out exactly the way i wanted to. learning how to write longfic (for me) has been such a beautiful experience and it's made me so happy to share with others!

fav fic i read this year: "do let the old enmity be" by sam (my favorite gift anyone has ever given me on ao3 i cant—i cant even handle it i melt i explode i climb onto the rooftop to holler across the atlantic ocean), both fics in sam's mutual pining series (i have read both of these fics so many times... my favorite sam fics. or close to my favorite sam fics. we met because of mp1... these two STUPID, STUPID FUCKING FISH!!!!) and "mira vs. sasha cant" which might not have been written for me but it was written to infiltrate my brain and give me strength beyond imagining. oh, my god, it's so good, please read it. I AM NO LONGER ASKING.

fav series i read this year: royals having a nice time by ba_lailah. if you like polyamory, gender, sex (both the kind you do with other people and the bits attached to the body), pregnancy, family, parenthood, developing relationships, realism and worldbuilding, kids, the complexity of monarchy and the realities of rule, really REALLY REALLY hot porn, and some of the best bdsm ive ever read, treat yourself and go read rhant. there's a 250k novel coming this year. it's incredible. worth your time. go. read it.

fav exchange this year: fic in a box. the chance to play around with mediums and stylesheets and the exchange community around fiab was lovely. all the pinch hits i wrote were so much fun—i literally don't think i saw a single prompt i didnt adore!—and the mods were fabulous and i got LITERALLY THE BEST GIFT EVER. fiab is honestly a ton of fun. if you're new to exchanges and you want to try something a little out of left field, i really recommend fiab! the signups can be sort of esoteric but don't let the mediums or the complexity of the rulesets scare you off (they almost scared me off but sam coaxed me through it like a nervous small mammal) or the 10k minimum. you can break that up in so many ways (vids, art, cross stitch or knitting patterns, pixel art, voxel art, interactive fiction, asw remixes, comics, poetry, drabbles, standard fic, social media...) that it's really accessible and encourages so much thinking out of the box. i am SO EXCITED for next year.

fav ship i wrote for: GEE, I FUCKING WONDER.

fav character pov to write: you might think "prfr, either half" but no. it's shauna, actually. i love writing her and her perspective on things. she's so relatable and i just. i love her. her voice comes so easily to me, i cant wait to write her more in 2023

fav scene i wrote: a three-way tie between "as you treated him, so shall i treat you" which is just one scene but it set me on such an unexpected and amazing path to meeting some of my best friends and the most important people in my life and improving my craft and becoming so much happier on every axis ALL BECAUSE I DIDNT SLEEP AND I WAS MAD NOBODY ELSE HAD WRITTEN LYSANDRE GETTING STEPPED ON.... the scene with shauna and augustine in the grass in "with tenderness and pretty words it is easy to conquer good girls' hearts" which was a lot of catharsis for me as well as augustine and shauna, and a very specific chapter late in roleswap. i'm not saying which one. that's for me to know and you to find out.

wip i finally finished: inspired by the ficwip server, i've been working (slowly) on some of my old wips, and finally finished starry heavens, which was meant to be done like eight years ago. it's character studies of every major character in tales of symphonia, and getting to see it in full and my growth as an author over the better part of the last decadeis a little humbling. ive come so far! writing is great actually!

wip i've yet to finish: roleswap. 2023. we will do it. it will be done. as soon as my fffx is draft complete, roleswap is my heart and soul.

most read fic: it is (a little unsurprisingly given how long it is...) roleswap! which makes me so, so happy. sam and i have worked so hard

longest fic (completed in 2022): "tomorrow you must love me" at 57k

shortest fic: apparently it was "in which the author reaches the end of his rope" at 193 words. i didnt even remember writing this so jkhlkdfjhglsdhkfg

fav fic title used: "RÉEL FIBSHING: LUMIOSE CITY EDITION" which is twine-style interactive fiction about magikarp jump, set in sam's "as the night the day" universe which i wholeheartedly adore and you should go read it.

biggest surprise while writing: how much easier it is for me to do multi-chapter and longform works! i've always really struggled in the past to stay committed and complete things, but this year i've really started to move into the realm of being able to just... write longfic! that's very exciting to me.

fav comment received: shout out to ao3 users yelp, who is an absolute delight in exchanges. like, seriously, yelp is such a sweetheart. omg. i would write for them in an exchange again in a heartbeat and their comments are so sweet.... and also every other comment i got. thank you ;;v;; they make me so happy... i hardly ever even know what to say

fav fic author i read: i wonder who that ao3 user samifer is. what a guy. in all seriousness, this year my favorite authors were my friends. they helped me out, gave me advice, and made me feel so full of love i can't even begin to say how much. i'm so lucky to know these amazing people and i can't encourage you to read everything by sam, kay, neku, lailah, or sushi enough. theyre all amazing fabulous authors and fantastic people and i love them so much. you should go love them too!!!!!

total fics/chapters uploaded: 174. i said that aloud and my husband said "holy crap babe" from the other room. what the actual fuck

what am i most looking forward to next year: FINISHING ROLESWAP IM SO EXCITED ITS ALL IM THINKING ABOUT!!! IM SO READY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok and finally under the cut my favorite fic from each month of 2022!

JANUARY 2022 -- SINCE THE DARK (owain & l'arachel, gen)

i've been doing nagamas since the very first year and it's still one of my favorite exchanges. getting to play around with a narrator as fun as owain and contrasting him with l'arachel was great and seeing their crossover interactions was so good. nagamas gr9 actually. 10/10 exchange will always participate again

FEBRUARY 2022 -- AS YOU TREATED HIM, SO SHALL I TREAT YOU (prfr, m)

what else, lol? i didnt sleep i listened to an entire opera, i blacked out, i woke up ten months later and discovered i'd moved in and written like four novels. i am never moving back out. i love everyone in this house. especially sam.

MARCH 2022 -- IN EVERY PLACE, AT EVERY TIME (prfr, e)

inspired by sam prompting for phone sex and mutual pining, playing around with academia and conferences and giving this the most #onbrand title/chapter title/summary combo i could come up with this also led to me meeting new dear friends!!

APRIL 2022 -- TOMORROW YOU MUST LOVE ME (prfr, e)

im so stupid proud of this fic. setting up a plot this complex with so many moving pieces and multiple povs and multiple mediums and dealing with so many real life issues was a lot of moving pieces but it was so, so worth it. it was worth all of the work because it's one of the best things ive ever written and it came out just how i wanted to and it helped me make my friends happy and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i just love prfr and writing c/c/c has been just amazing and I WILL KEEP GOING NEXT YEAR!! THIS YEAR WHATEVER IT'S 2023 NOW BUT WHATEVER ITS STILL 5783

MAY 2022 -- WHO COULD USE FORCE AGAINST A HEART LIKE HIS (IV) (prfr, e)

sam prompted me for using bdsm as therapy and i wanted to write cnc and it spiralled very out of control. one of the questions someone asked early on with c/c/c was what happened at The Incident and i'd intended to write that and playing with vanilla sex and safewording and cnc and trust was really difficult and i've struggled off and on for most of the year with this series of 5+1 but every one as i've finished it has been such an accomplishment even when it's been hard. especially when it's been hard.

JUNE 2022 -- 'TIS NOT LONG BEFORE THEY FEEL THEIR FEEBLE SOULS BEGIN TO REEL

how, HOW, HOW??? WAS I THE FIRST PERSON TO (APPARENTLY??) WRITE T4T SEX POLLEN FIC ON AO3? anyway it was fun and the result is sexy sexy sex

JULY 2022 -- AS THOUGH IT WERE POSSIBLE TO COMMAND LOVE

sam asked for prfr one bed and then FIFTY THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS LATER they finally made it to the bed and fucked in it. good for them.

AUGUST 2022 -- SILKEN DALLIANCE

the entire writer's month challenge was an experience (writing that much every day for a month... im glad i did it but im not doing it again i dont think dfkjhgkdfhg) but of all the fics i wrote i think this was my favorite. i really struggled with this prompt and i wasn't all that happy with it as i was writing it/right after but as time has passed i've been more and more proud of it.

SEPTEMBER 2022 -- TIRED OF THIS BODY

i dont really have anything insightful to say here. uh. getting into new and slightly unexpected kinks is character growth?

OCTOBER 2022 -- ONE CANDLE IN THE RAIN

something something if i had a nickel for every trans serial killer au i've written id have two nickels which is a weird number of nickels to have for something this specific and niche. anyway getting into new and slightly unexpected kinks (and then getting your friends into new and slightly unexpected kinks) is character growth

NOVEMBER 2022 -- WHO COULD USE FORCE AGAINST A HEART LIKE HIS (V)

i stuill have mixed feelings about this fic. i think this was like... my fifth or sixth attempt at writing it, and it honestly still didnt turn out exactly how i wanted it to and im a little bit frustrated by that, but as much as i tell people it doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be done, i struggle with "done, not perfect" and "done, not perfect" here meant i finished this and it made me happy. ive learned a lot this year and one of the things i learned was to let go of perfection and finish stories and be happy with the growth from them. this grew out of so many ideas and the way it ended up is just right just the way it is.

DECEMBER 2022 -- AZURE AS ANTEDILUVIAN SONG or RÉEL FIBSHING: LUMIOSE CITY EDITION

fiab was such a good exchange ;__; i had so much fun and i can't wait to do it again next year. pinch hitting and treating and getting to write for some of my best friends and trying out new mediums was so much fun and i definitely feel like i grew a lot as a writer in the process. writing interactive fiction was a new one for me (i've never written anything even like a choose your own adventure even just for friends before as a kid or anything) and it definitely was a new experience, especially playing around with 2nd person like that, and twine had a learning curve, but it was a fun learning curve c: azure as antediluvian song came out of me all in one go based on a prompt without even intending to write it. kazuha is my favorite genshin character and i loved this au concept and getting to play around with ayato was unexpectedly enjoyable! genshin lore good.

[evanescentdawn]

tagged by @lizhly-writes thanks! this was much fun! and made me realise I have a lot of bunch of wips. and a lot of bunch of wips that I forgot! existed!

• The game is to find the words given by the tagger in your wips and then tag whoever you want with new words to find. ^^

uhhhhhh tagging(if you wanna!): @kylermalloy @rosekasa @bluewindfall @tonguetiedraven @29rynoah @yukiokumura

ur words: rage, hands, stupid, voice, water

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confess

lmaoooo, the fact I don’t use this word in my work at all (a surprise) and made me dredge up this old really fun wip in 2021 i totally forgot about?!

“What don’t you confess then? If you can.” Kouko spits back, caught up in their argument, not expecting Mitsuo to actually do it. She watches wide eyed, panicking, as he calls Mrs. Ultrasonic over and opens his mouth, and looks like he’s actually planning to —

save

there’s no reason why this snippet is so long i just really love this stupid wip. theyre So Ridiculous

“To save water bill,” Jung Heewon elaborates, and Han Sooyoung promptly wilts at that. Of course, it was because of a stupid reason and not because Jung Heewon wanted it.

“I, uh, got into some trouble with my part time job at the cafe shop and haven’t found another to replace that yet….” Jung Heewon explains, further evaporating all of Han Sooyoung’s hope and thoughts she might have.

“Okay,” Han Sooyoung says.

It’s entirely unreasonable for Han Sooyoung to readily agree to Jung Heewon’s suggestion to cut down on water bills, considering the hefty sum in her bank account and the fact the only reason she’s living in a shared room is to get away from home.

She definitely has ulterior motives.

She wasn’t the one who suggested all of this, though. It was Jung Heewon, so Han Sooyoung is going to shamelessly take advantage of this and oogle Jung Heewon all she can and seduce her while she’s at it.

bloom

I DIDNT THINK ID HAVE A WIP THAT CONTAINED THIS but what do you know. this old spn wip does! n apparently, another wip, too, has this word fjjfjfjf. posting this wip because I tots forgot it existed, and because it’s a freaking weird one

Flowers bloom fast, right on the clock, as the hand touches July. Bursts of colour across the world as it awakens from it’s long slumber, from its long year of being buried in white snow. The snow has melted. Umbrellas, put away. Heavy boots that belong to the adventures, who dare to venture out and map out the unknown planes of winter, are placed in boxes and away. Dean Winchester is one. An adventure like his mother and her parents before her.

young

I DONT REMEMBER SHIT ABT THIS WIP. what. like okay I vaguely remember doing this, but still. what the fck.

There’s another person. Someone else, achingly young that responds eagerly to his messages. This Bihyung reminds him of the early parts of the scenarios, shy and star-gazed at the constellations. The memory of his death is still fresh in Kim Dokja’s mind and perhaps, that’s why he keeps indulging him.

jump

the chadhime fic that’s permanently stuck in a blackhole because im Not working on it :’)

“Guess we’re heading over to Ichigo’s?” She says.

Sado-kun gives her a small smile which makes her heart do a lil jump! as he nods at her.

uhhhhhh tagging(if you wanna!): @kylermalloy @rosekasa @bluewindfall @tonguetiedraven @29rynoah @yukiokumura

the words: rage, hands, stupid, voice, water

[cal-writes]

⭐️star⭐️ for the writers ask game if you're still doing it? 🥺

sure!

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. 

did you have a particular story in mind though? you can specifiy if you'd like. other wise mhh sth ive been dying to talk about

well a lot of my wips im dying to talk about but they arent done so i'll stick to something ive already published!

Fun Fact for my RvB Fans

A Fragmentary Picture was written partially in 2014 while i was working in a hotel doing breakfast service. some days were so slow id just write fanfic on the notepad i had for taking orders with. i used to do that a lot actually. most of the fics written like that never got typed down. i always really liked the dynamic of wash and maine and the whole idea of how wash got from prison to going on a manhunt with the meta was intriguing. i usually have a problem of thinking in one shots - many of my story ballon into big arching adventures and end up abandoned in my wip folder. im happy i got this one polished and done though! there was some more stuff in that story that i didnt publish or really finish - yet. who knows maybe one day

-

Most people here are probably more interested in Detco stuff I imagine so

I was really worried posting Glue Trap I even considered posting it anonymous or making a second account that wasn't tied to my main. its fucked up content matter and fandom really hasnt been kind to that sort of thing in the past. but people surprised me and were really nice! it was a good feeling to know i can explore fucked up shit without getting cancelled haha (pls nobody get any ideas) but yeah

-

for the Future Detco AU actually another fun fact. originally the stories happened in a different order. the order of the series is the chronological order but when i initially drafted the timeline (yes i have a whole spreadsheet with the order of events post canon and its massive) i had Make a Home and One Trick Pony switched. dunno why i think mostly just because i always intended for shinichi and heiji to get their shit together muuuch later. they still arent even together adjhgdjk slow burn my guys. i have parts of them actually getting together written already but Lucky Charm needs to be done first. im usually working on several installments at once so i also have parts of their engagement storyline written but thats muuuuuch muuuuch later in the pipeline for me. i also got another one shot for future au basically done, i should polish that up. my beta reader has been very busy currently sadly so i dont want to swarm her with work

-

i have also plotted out the Black Org AU with some significant changes to what i already posted here. got a few scenes written. i do hope to have that out eventually but its not a priority right now. sadly the reaction to that one and some people's entitled comments made me less enthusiastic about it so i pushed it back but depending how i feel the whim of writing that is a future possibility.

[pacifymebby]

Hey bestie im not sure if you still check this blog but it’s age gap crush anon here! I wanted to get in touch with you on your new blog but I don’t know if I could bare the humiliation of revealing my identity to you since you only have your dms open not asks/anons.

But basically im back with some big updates! So the guy who I was kinda seeing who was the rebound from AGC (age gap crush) ended up being wishy washy. He just wasn’t what I expected and when I skied him what we were after 2.5 months of talking and having had sex he said he thought of us as just friends 🤡. So I made it clear to him that I would be seeing other people and seeing him as ONLY a FRIEND. We still talk a bit but not as much and I will not be getting intimate with him again.

Now for the second update it’s about actual AGC. So it was his birthday recently and I shot him a happy birthday and he was very happy I did and then I ended up seeing him when I went out tonight we got to chatting and catching up and we talked until he left. It went so well and it was so fun. So when he got home he sent me a message saying to message him next time I’m at our favourite bar… I don’t even know what to say or do cause obviously he broke my heart but I also just miss being friends with him :/ And I don’t even know if he was just being friendly or if he’s actually interested in me again??? Sorry for the big update girly. I hope you’re doing well and are feeling good!! 💕💕

Hey lovely i am so sorry i didnt realise i didnt have anon turned on in my other ask box!!!!!

Its so nice to have an update, i love hearing from you and i really missed not hearing from you whilst i was away!

I think that was a healthy and solid decision from you about wishy washy rebound man, he sounds like he wasnt what you wanted at all and idk, you can do better i think. Its also quite telling if now youre not having sex the rest of that relationship peters out, itll show that there was no depth to your connection and that you werent even really meant to be friends. But if he keeps talking to you and stuff without you giving him sex then thats nice and at least you have a pal.

I mean generally men wont ask you to contact them again unless they want you to.i think if he was just being polite he wouldnt have said for you to let him know next time youre there.

It also sounds like from what went down, that you had a connection and liked eachother. I couldnt say whether he still has feelings for you or not but id say him reaching out to you and wanting to be friends at least shows you he has respect for you in a way or a desire to spend time with you.

I think you should try and be casual about it, and be guarded too, he broke your heart and you cant be certain he wont do it again. But didnt he end things last time because he was still fucked up from his last relationship? He maybe just needed time, and hes maybe realised hes missed you you never know?

I think its worth maintaining the friendship and seeing what happens next. Dont let your feelings run away with you, even though i know that can be difficult. I think dont wait around on him coming back like that too long, but you can give him time.

Thank u for the update lovely, manifesting positive things for you and less wishy washy confusing men!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[haloburns]

had some free time to think today and i just. got really sad about the life i used to think i was going to have before i became disabled

(whoops this turned into a Journal Entry, so im putting it beneath a read more sry lmao)

like. i had plans to travel europe and work in cafes and stay out too late in clubs with my new friends and then stumble in to open the cafe with my clothes from the night before and smeared makeup. and like, maybe thats a weird dream to have, but id spent so long in this tiny little box in my hometown (kinda. its complicated bc ive lived where i am now longer than the place i was born, but my birthplace will always be my hometown, to me.) so i was reaching for experiences so drastically different from the life id known.

but then i went to college out of state. 10h from home, almost in canada. and i did spend a good chunk of my first two years partying exactly like i described: work until 8/9, go home eat something fatty and greasy, change into smth slutty and cool, and go out with my friends and stay out until the wee hours, making out and dancing with whoever asked. two one night stands came of it, both embarrassing for different reasons (thats a whole different post lmao but i dont regret either, actually) but i had so much fun. i felt free. like i could truly be myself for the first time in my life

and then i became disabled.

(caveat: ive probably been disabled my whole life, but i simply. never noticed. i didnt know it wasnt normal to be in pain, because i didnt know what 'pain-free' meant. it wasnt until i started making diasbled and crippled friends that they made me realize that living at a 4/5 on the pain scale All The Time is in fact not normal)

i got a terrible cold my first thanksgiving. spent the entire break on the couch in the lounge sniffling and coughing, trash can, tissues, hand sanitizer, and lotion all right next to me because i was DETERMINED not to get anyone sick (context: this was pre covid. wearing masks was like. not a thought.) despite everyone having gone home/away for the break. i got my first (and only) case of viral pink eye. i had bronchitis until april. that same january, while i still had bronchitis, my knees suddenly swelled up so badly i couldnt move for two days. my knees have ached almost daily since then.

from there, it was simply a cascade failure of things. fingers and wrist hurt constantly, no matter what i did or what brace i wore. (hint: i ended up having de quervaines tenosynovitis and had to have surgery bc it went untreated for 5+ years) back was constantly cramping. feet hurt after only a four hour shift. stairs became impossible. i was constantly exhausted, no matter what i did.

then, in december 2020, i was home like everyone else, and i was working in my mom's office full time while also attending classes full time remotely (like everyone else). my mom took a week off. finals week. she left me in charge, since i was the second most senior person in the office with my roughly two years experience. my half sister was demanding to know why our other sister wouldnt talk to her after she borrowed our car to go see our estranged father. again. (we gave her permission to borrow the car, but it still hurt). the exhaustion was getting worse and worse until thursday of that week. my coworker was threatening to call my mom to come pick me up because i couldnt think, could barely talk, and i was nodding off at my desk. and then my half sister called out of nowhere and wanted to talk. and i was so tired, so done with EVERYTHING, i let her have it. that took the last bit of my energy and i told my coworker to call my mom.

i spent a week in bed with the worst pain in my life. my entire body ACHED. my cat couldnt lay on me because it felt like i was being crushed to death my a bed of needles. my elbow swelled up so badly i could hardly move it. i could barely sit up to eat or stand to go pee. i slept SO MUCH.

i returned to work maybe a week or two after. i maybe finished my classes but i hoenstly dont remember. i moved back up to school in jan/feb with covid restrictions so i could finish my senior year on campus. i couldnt walk to the mail room and back without needing a nap. i couldnt go to starbucks and bring back two coffees without needing a break in the middle of my walk. i went to the health services because something wasnt right.

after some tests and lots of arguing with some shitty doctors and PTs, the light of my life, dr k diagnosed me with chronic fatigue. i finally had an answer for all my issues.

i thought that was it.

that summer, june/july 2021, i developed postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome and fought to get it taken seriously. two er trips with elevated heart rate, brain fog, and high bp, and it took the second trip to have them take me SERIOUSLY and get a referral. the cardiologist told me i was fat and just needed to exercise more, the three heart monitors don't show stereotypical tachycardic events, so im just experiencing elevated heart rates. i was fine. finally convince him to put me on propranolol, the "as needed" dose, and fuck off when he says he wants to work me off them and get me exercising.

i found a doctor who took me seriously and listened when i said "i have x problem. i would like a solution." and gave me referral after referral after referral, chasing more and more diagnoses. she never once made me feel insane for my symptoms, never made me feel unheard, and she never failed to make me cry in relief every time i went to see her and didnt have to fight for just an ounce of care.

since then, ive been diagnosed with moderate asthma, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, and potentially (almost assuredly) hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome. (for those of you keeping track, thats six diagnoses in four years) dr m, my savior, retired this year, and ive found a new doctor im hoping i can teach to treat me with the same care and respect. shes already given me a second referral to gastroenterology for my stomach issues (which... might just be from too much ibuprofen... :) rip me) and neurology bc my migraines that have crippled me for upwards of a month before are no longer being managed by my meds and i need something more specific before i start new meds. she said shed find me a doctor to dx heds, bc shes still new and wasnt comfortable with the tests required and didnt want to do it wrong, which endears her to me just a little more

but all of ^^^ that is just a big winding way to say that my life has changed a LOT since i graduated high school. i can no longer stand for long periods of time. i cant lift more than maybe 5-10lbs, and i certainly cant carry it for any significant length of time. i get migraines so easily. my joints slip out of place if i step wrong. i cant go out one night and expect to be up and at'em early the next day. i have to weigh my energy vs what i want to get done vs what needs to get done, and most days, nothing gets done at all.

and sometimes, usually when i get a new diagnosis and a new complication to my life, i mourn the life i used to dream about for myself. i mourn the things ive had to lose out on because my reality has changed so drastically. i cant go to amusement parks anymore. i cant go to standing-room-only concerts. i cant go to the grocery by myself. and you can forget doing things like wandering through the mall to kill time or going for a leisurely walk around the park.

being disabled is not the worst thing to happen to me, and i dont think im damaged or broken or anything like that. despite all the pain and complications and accomodations i have and need, i love myself the way i am. after all, i am now the funniest fucking person in ANY room. i dont think i want it back, because i love the life i have now (meaningful volunteer work, a dnd group i love, and a partner i thank the stars for regularly). but sometimes, its hard not to mourn the life i thought id have

[celestie0]

hello ellieeee!!!!

your responses always have me crying ngl!!! somethings you tell me are so precious to me that they make my day, iloveyousomuch!!!

kisses for you here 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

i’m sure you’re the most fun person to be around in real life, at least id be having the time of my life with you.

i hate kaito and i love for writing him so despicable and annoying. i aspire to write a character like him the way you’ve done.

it’s one thing to let people know about our experience and it’s a whole different level of evil to pull them down to your level of failure because you’re insecure and jealous. kai falls in the second category.

nobody else could tell??? i’m sure they didn’t point it out like me. hopefully, i always panda kun to be recognised!!! he’s my favourite character in jjk. i love pandas in general.

it’s fine, dw, after that ending you don’t have to worry about getting a counsel to represent you for my emotional distress!

reader and geto are giving a very tough competition to kickoff!gojo. but ykw i love gojo, he’s my sweetheart. the love of my life. the apple of my eye. ishouldstop.

no because youve done justice to canon!gojo in this sense, their approach to grieving is similar, except kickoff!gojo is less unhinge and dare i say it: more swoon-worthy. i wanna be like gojo at compartmentalizing and yk just…ive had multiple public breakdowns in uni and i’m so very embarrassed by them, i wish i was more like kickoff!gojo in dealing with them. yk where he calmed himself down for our dear reader? like that. i’m still so impressed by that one scene. it’s so close to my heart. i wish people in my life do that for me. calm down instead of bursting out.

ur so emotionslly intelligent my love and ur empathy is enouhh to make me tear up 😭 ppl in ur life must feel so safe w you

you’re the only person who’s said this to me, and god im smiling like an idiot WHILE tearing up. you’ve no idea how much this means to me, itd get awkward if i start ranting about it. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

thank you for sharing kickoff with us! it literally makes my heart melt and heals me.

i read it with stuff going because it heals me. kickoff has healing abilities. you are just not aware!

you’ve all my prayers and vibes for yourself!!!! you’re such a wonderful soul to have around (even virtually). i appreciate all of you 🥹

it’s so sweet of to be writing and entire character representing her. it always warms my heart when people love their best friends so much and actually make sure that everyone knows that!!!

STOP MAKING ME FLUSTERED!!! IM FLATTERED AS I AM HOLYSHIT I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT READING THIS AND GRINNING LIKE A CAT!!!! ILSYM!!! YOURE THE SWEETEST OF ALL!!

🫶🏻💌

hiiii bb YOUR responses always have me crying pls 😭😭😘💋 i feel like i’d lov hanging out w you too haha 🤣 its giving picnic hangout on the beach w champagne vibes LOL

and yes very true ugh kai is despicable but i really hope he wasn’t comically awful 🤣 i realized in writing ch9 how fkn difficult it is to write a sort of gray character (until theyre revealed to be horrible) idk how a lot of authors/show writers do it

aw girl i hear you ab those university breakdowns 😭😭 the amt of times i broke down crying in my car pls 💀 i think my lowest point was when i full on started sobbing in the library it was so embarrassing🧍🏻‍♀️i also started crying in front of my professor once during office hrs n he didnt know what to do n just handed me a box of tissues 😭 i wanna disappear……but thats besides the point lol. yeah compartmentalizing can be useful sometimes but i think it’s super healthy to let emotions out too for sure :”) but no fs if only i had the composure of gojo in that scene in certain cases haha. it’s like blondie in this is me trying “my words shoot to kill when im mad” thats so me 😭😭 i shld be better ab that

AWW ofc ab the comment u highlighted n also for sharing kickoff :””) im so happy my words made u happy, i really mean them!

and aaa yes my friend isnt even a jjk fan bahaha but she said she’d read kickoff if i started posting it so i had to tribute her somehow 🤣 plus i use her for reference for a lot of the film major stuff so it was the least i could do (lol sort of funny note but when kai mentions working shifts at a movie theater bc he thought a director would notice him……my friend has actually done that LMAOO i kinda roasted her for that 💀💀 yikes)

OFC MY DARLING I LOVE TALKING TO U N BOUNCING FEELS N IDEAS N EVERYTHING OFF OF YOU YOU’re SUCH A JOY <333 ilysm i hope u have a wonderful day 😚💕

[uus-haru-memoryblog]

I got myself a few dolls and am making stuff for em.

So i saw a video where someone was making a nice fancy box for their doll and i wanted to mine to have one as well. but a normal box .. nah i want something fun - so i put the fun in funeral and decided to them coffins. Actually i wanted to make a big one for my big 1/3 doll but it came out too small ad i dont think i have long enough cardboard. And then i realized i could just make one for my 1/6 doll and id have plenty of cardboard.

So I modeled the coffin in blender, removed unnecessary parts, and used the paper export to get a paper pattern. Then I printed and taped the paper pattern and traced all the necessary parts onto a cardboard box. havent cut em out jet.

I used a cardboard box i got from a local grocery store. On the last picture there is my first attempt for my big doll but it is a few centimeter short and the doll barely fits inside if i bend her knees.

I might make a simple box insted, unless i fugure out how to fix it

For this project i didnt really use any guides or tutorials and am just figuring out how to do thing in the work - its just a special shaped paper mache project. i did look up on google what coffins look like and then i made up a desing on my own. i still have to figure out how im gonna decorate it.