#i didnt think anyone would read those tags

[bobasnonbeliever]

only posting this here because i dont think anyone will see it. i need to get this out

im so fucking tired of my life. im tired of caring, like, in general. as stupid as it sounds, i was watching kitchen nightmares, and gordon said something about a chef or an owner, i dont remember exactly, he said; "losing hope is a scary thing to do, when theres just no more light at the end of the tunnel, it takes you down dark paths." or something like that. and ive been suicidal/depressed since i was 9, but i thought to myself "im not hopeless, am i?". the more i thought about it, the worse i felt because, god no, im not hopeless. im helpless, or maybe i wallow too much in my own self pity. i dont know the difference. every goddamn day feels like another waking nightmare, im sick of living with my mom, im sick of her not letting me get a job. i dont want my name on the damn electric bill because shes over $1,000 in debt to the power company anymore. shes already ruining my credit, and i dont even have a damn job! not to mention her fucking kid, her 5yo fucking kid, im taking care of. the product of the man who beat me over and over again, threatened to kill me, and then he took a greyhound bus out of our lives. why didnt she protect me? he never once hit her, or anyone else, why didnt mom help me? i was only 13 when he first pulled me by my hair and slammed me into the stairs because i let moms ice cream tub melt on the kitchen table for half an hour. it took him till my brother was 3 to leave. she valued him over me, and even now. im always taking care of my brother, even when he screams at me, cusses at me, throws things at me, spits on me, hits me, kicks me, claws me, bites me, and more. you get the point. she never even tells him to stop, she doesnt have to scream, or hurt him, or anything. just please, please tell them to stop hurting me. i still take care of him. i take care of him when she takes 20 fucking benadryl and passes out for the full time shes at home between shifts. i sacrificed my education to "help her" take care of him. and she gets mad at me when i parent him, when i tell him off, or even more mad when i have to cry and beg him to stop hurting me. she says "youre 22 years old, get a grip" when im covered in bruises from the 5 year old "hes five!" she will scream when i tell her he hurts me. "he is five, hes supposed to listen to you" i said once, and she just stared at me. im always fucking things up, she never fails to let me know, when she looks at me like that i know its my fault. i cant even begin on my relationship, i shouldnt, he might see this. i just want to give up, im so tired of caring, i want to let it all go. my dog died, i ruined him too, i couldnt take him to the vet i couldnt help him. hes gone because i failed. my baby, im not saying that in the cringy melinial way, he saved me from suicide. so many times, it was "hell be so confused why im gone..", "hes gonna miss me", "whos gonna take care of him?" but now hes gone and im still here. my baby, is gone and im so selfishly still here. why wouldnt she let me get a job? i couldve taken him, i couldve at least got him put down so he didnt have to suffer in his favourite spot on my bed till his kidneys put him down for us. if i didnt know, my boyfriend would kill himself too when he comes home from classes tomorrow, and i was dead, i would take the entire 160 count bottle of benadryl i stole from moms room. i want to see my baby, he never ever missed on helping me, i owe him my life and couldnt even give him that when he passed. but not for lack of trying.

but even so, i dont feel hopeless. maybe only yearning, but it feels enough like hope. when i use my right hand to stroke my left cheek and neck, it almost feels like someone else. i get a glimmer of a thought, "one day, i wont have to beg to be taken care of. someone will do it because they want to.", but still, it hurts worse. i dont know how i can possibly derive so much gut wrenching pain from that little bit of hope, but i do. and still, i cant help myself, i cant blame anyone else. i can only hope someone will come save me. if i could handle this all on my own, i wouldnt be here typing this.

i want to decompose.

writing this after that monster of a textblock in the tags, but if you were wondering. im not exaggerating about the mess, and i wouldnt normally judge. because i have had worse bedrooms, mental illness is a bitch. but its in the common area, and she absolutely does make the 5yo live in it. she moved out to the living room after their room was too trashed for her to even walk in, so she toated her 50" fucking tv right out there and hasnt moved, accept to go to work, since. everyone pray or cross your fingers or send me some good energy to hope she gets sliced into a million pieces at work instead of accidentally oding on bennies so i can raise my brother with her life insurance money.

[miwtual]

the lyric ��the only way to win is to reconnect, stay alive, stay alive” gives me chills every single time i hear it when i relisten to

[foxcassius]

wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

[n0thingbutlov3]

need you now

in which an impulsive voicemail leads to some secrets being spilled.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader. warnings/tags: angst (sorry i’m incapable of being nice lol) hurt/comfort tho!! lil bit of fluff too because i AM capable of being nice, alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism (i’m literally just a girl…) spencer and reader are broken up :( but they’re still sooo in love and it’s soo obvious so it’s fine!! (also it kind of gets fixed at the end-ish. you’ll see *evil smirk*) reader cries a lot (real) spencer is a cutie (as always) spencer and reader sleep together…no like literally, not in a funny business way, some swearing, no use of y/n!!! wc: 3k a/n: hihihi!! so this is my first fan fiction i’ve wrote and completed ever (gulp) it’s also my first time publishing one (gulp) my writing could definitely be better and so could my grammar tbh but i HOPE if you choose to read you’ll enjoy…feedback is always appreciated (plsplspls) also like requests?? if anyone’s into that—id love to write more but inspo is difficult sometimes. if there’s any spelling mistakes im sorry, eye am very tired!! it’s 5am *eye twitching* okay i’m going to sleep, gootbye IF U SAW ME EDITING THIS 5 TIMES NO U DIDNT (i’m bad at tumblr ok..)

“Hi. This is Doctor Spencer Reid. I’m not available right now, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can…”

His tinny voice cut off to make way for the signature beep of the beginning of a voicemail recording.

You could hang up now—you should hang up now, save yourself some dignity and go drown your sorrows in alcohol like a normal person instead of calling your ex-boyfriend.

You should, but your mouth was opening before your finger could reach the hang-up button, and…and it was a losing battle from the moment you clicked on Spencer’s icon.

“Uh—hi, it’s…it’s me.” You huffed out a sad laugh.

“So, um, I…I tried calling, but you didn’t answer so…” The static buzz of silence hummed through your ear, just inches from where you held your phone with a shaky grip. “maybe you’re on a case or out with friends, or someone else—“ You let the implication hang in the air—the thought of Spencer potentially being in a relationship bringing a lump to your throat.

You swallowed it down.

“I just…I just had an unbelievably shitty day, Spence.” You sniffed, wiping the moisture that had escaped from your eye with your sweater sleeve. “I know you’ve never read A Series of Unfortunate Events but I think I’d give those kids a run for their money.” You tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob.

You inhaled shakily, trying to collect yourself and remember why on earth you thought it would be a good idea to call Spencer when you’d been broken up for months. Hell, you hadn’t heard from him at all since you had parted ways—except from the odd text about returning each others’ things. It was obvious he had moved on, and here you were, filling up his voicemail with blubbering messages and making references to adolescent books.

“God, sorry about this.” You breathed out a watery chuckle. “I just…didn’t want to be alone, I guess. But that’s-um-not your problem anymore, so I’m—I’m sorry. Have a nice night.” Your voice cracked and you hung up before you could start weeping down the line. You didn’t need to look even more pathetic.

You pulled your phone away from your ear, looking down at his contact photo through blurred vision. He was smiling—not the tight, closed lip smile he gave other people, but a full, bright smile that had his dimples showing. One of your hands was wrapped loosely around his neck and the other was holding your phone just far enough away to capture both of your smiles. Your head was rested on top of his shoulder, tilted just slightly to the left so your temple was brushing against his.

It felt like looking at a vintage photograph—you knew those people and their happiness existed at some point in time, but it wasn’t tangible; you couldn’t verify it was real.

When you were with Spencer, you never doubted how real it was. All you had to was look at him across the room and he’d flash you a smile identical to the one in that photo and you’d just…know.

It felt like forever ago now that you’d been on the receiving end of that grin and it killed you. So much so that before you could consider the repercussions, you were trudging through to your kitchen and grabbing the bottle of whiskey that sat unopened in your cabinet. It had been a present—from Rossi, actually. When Spencer had first introduced you to the team, the older man had given it to you as something of a welcome gift. Of course, he couldn’t have known you weren’t much of a drinker, and since you wanted to make a good impression (and because you were sure it had cost more than all the alcohol you had consumed in your life combined) you accepted it—deciding to save it for a rainy day.

You think this qualified.

You grabbed the bottle, a glass, and padded back through to your living room, slumping onto your couch. You filled your glass up a little less than halfway before gulping it down, enjoying the burn in your throat—it was better than the constant thickness.

You poured yourself another glass before turning on the TV. You weren’t sure what was playing—it didn’t really matter anyway, your vision was already being obscured by tears again.

You thought the pounding was in your head at first—serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Only, it wasn’t, because moments later the pounding subsided and instead, your apartment door was opening, casting your pitch-black living room in a yellow glow which temporarily blinded you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, your mind hazy—again, serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Someone was calling your name, but there was too much sensory input for you to make out who.

You certainly hoped it wasn’t a paramedic—maybe your neighbour had heard you sobbing for the last four hours and decided you needed a wellness check. Then there were hands on your face, and that had you flicking your eyes open, because you recognised those hands—impossibly soft, with a callus on his trigger finger being the only thing to mar them. Spencer.

“Spencer?” You slurred.

He sighed in exasperation (or relief) and tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“Are you alright? You weren’t answering your phone, I thought…” He trailed off, worry evident in his voice.

You sat up then, trying to compose yourself even though the room was spinning. Fucking whiskey. You rubbed your eyes haphazardly, blinking until you could finally see.

You should’ve stayed bleary-eyed. Because nothing could prepare you for the way your breath hitched when you finally saw him. After months of not seeing each other, Spencer was here, sitting on your couch, and he was looking at you like you were something fragile, and—God, you needed another drink. You turned away from him, reaching for the neck of the bottle as you spoke.

“I’m fine.”

Before you could lift it up, Spencer gently pried your hand away from the bottle with his own, and then slid it across the coffee table with his other.

“You’re drunk. No more of that, please.” His tone wasn’t unkind, but he left no room to argue. You probably would’ve objected anyway, if it weren’t for the way he kept his hand clasped around yours, rubbing soothing circles into your pulse point almost absentmindedly.

You glanced up to him—to stop yourself from staring at your hand in his and how natural it felt, more than anything—but that proved to be a mistake too, because he looked just as beautiful as thirty seconds prior and it felt just as natural for him to be sitting next to you on your sofa, but it wasn’t natural anymore.

“How did you get in?”

“My key.”

“Oh.”

Right. The key that he still had because you refused to meet up with him to let him return it. He tried for weeks to contact you, but you ignored him, because getting the key back meant things were finally over. You supposed he could return it now—maybe that’s why he came in the first place.

“Why did you come?” You asked, your voice impossibly small.

“You called.” He replied—as though he was talking about something as simple as the weather. You call and I come.

You searched in his eyes for any sign of a lie, but of course, there was none. He was being completely genuine—as always. You were the awful ex-girlfriend who left concerning voicemails on his phone and had him travelling to your apartment in the middle of the night only for him to look completely okay with the situation—like there was nothing he’d rather be doing than making sure you were safe.

You couldn’t help the way tears sprung to your eyes or your lip began to tremble as you lolled your head back onto the couch, pulling your gaze away from his.

“Angel, what’s wrong?”

You liked to consider yourself to be a strong person. You had been through things in your life that were objectively worse than your breakup with Spencer, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the way he had let one of his many (past) petnames for you slip had your throat tightening and you ducked your head into your one hand—the other still seized by Spencer’s—to try and muffle a sob.

“Hey,” He trailed his hand that was wrapped around yours up your arm, all the way to your shoulder blade before lightly guiding you towards him. You don’t have enough energy in you to fight his magnetic pull, so you shuffle over until you can bury your head into his shirt. You inhale his scent; vanilla, neroli, and so him it makes you ache.

Stopping your tears is futile—you’d know, they’d barely ceased all night—so you just let them fall, seeping into Spencer’s tie as he rubs one hand softly up and down your back, the other cradling the crown of your head.

His breathing is quiet and slow—the exact opposite of yours—and you try to imitate it—forcing air into your lungs. When your sobbing has turned to shaky breathing and the occasional sniffle, he speaks up.

“Do you want to talk?”

Talk about what? About what had happened today—what had led you to calling him? Talk about how for the last few months, he had been the only person you had wanted to call?

“No.” You hated how pitiful you sounded.

“Okay.”

Spencer didn’t say anything else for a minute—your synchronised breathing being the only thing to stop the room from falling into dead silence.

“You need to rehydrate.” He murmured, smoothing down your hair.

You hummed into him, in no hurry to unwrap yourself from his body. You probably wouldn’t get to be this close to him again, after all.

He moved both of his hands to your biceps, pulling you back slightly so you could look at him. He knitted his brows together in a silent plea which had you rolling your eyes petulantly, your lashes still damp from tears.

“Fine.” You peeled yourself off of him, pushing yourself into a standing position. Horrible mistake. You were still incredibly drunk, turns out, and everything was spinning a little bit and come to think of it, you were also nauseous and—

“Careful, lovely.” Spencer placed his hand firmly on the small of your back, keeping you upright.

and—actually, you were fine now.

He stood too, moving his hand just slightly over to your waist so he could guide you to the kitchen. When he knew you could stand upright—even if you were relying mostly on the counter behind you—he grabbed a glass from your cabinet, moving around effortlessly to pour you some water. The sight was so domestic you almost wanted to cry again. Maybe in some alternate timeline, where you and him could’ve worked, this would be an every day thing—minus the drunk sobbing part, of course.

He handed you the glass of water, watching as you took a few sips. He raised an eyebrow, nodding his head slowly.

“Whole thing, please.”

You let out an exasperated (affectionate) sigh and gulped the rest of it down, setting it on the counter behind you.

“Happy?”

“Very.”

You smirked, trailing your gaze down his body. He was still in his work clothes which, at the very least, meant he wasn’t on a date before he came here. He always changed before dates—well, for you, anyway. You wondered if he had been on any dates since the breakup—you certainly hadn’t. It had been long enough now that it wouldn’t be weird for you to start seeing other people—but you didn’t want to. You weren’t sure you’d ever want to, to be completely honest.

The more you thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed stupid. You didn’t want anyone else, you wanted Spencer. You had tried to get over him but if tonight was any indication—it clearly wasn’t working. You can’t even remember why you broke up in the first place—it all seemed so insignificant now. No amount of pain you had ever experienced in your relationship had come close to that of living without him.

You met his eyes once more and it was like he could see the question brewing. He tried to stop you, calling your name in a quiet warning, but you ignored him.

“Why did we break up?”

He frowned, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth with his tongue in that maddening way he did.

“I—you know why—“

“No, but I don’t! I know things were difficult sometimes but that doesn’t mean it didn’t work. It worked—we worked.” Your eyes were stinging again.

Spencer pressed his index and middle finger into his eye, furrowing his brows.

“I know, I know we worked, angel—but you were sad all the time, remember? I was gone so often and it wasn’t good for you.” His true emotions were indecipherable but his tone was soft, and you wished you could be as calm about this as him. Did he just not care as much as you did?

“But It’s—It’s worse now—“ You choked out, tears falling freely now. “I was sad when you were gone, but you always came back—you don’t come back anymore.”

Spencer removed his hand from his face, flexing it at his side like he was uncertain what to do with himself before taking a stride towards you. He brought a hand to your face, wiping the tears from under your eyes delicately—like you were made of porcelain.

“Listen, sweetheart—alcohol affects your ability to regulate your emotions and I know right now it might feel worse but that doesn’t mean it always—“

“Spencer, stop! It’s not the fucking alcohol, I miss you! I miss you all of the time! Even—even when I’m having a good day—I still want you—and especially when I—when I have a bad day—“ You choked out through heaving breaths.

“Breathe.” He urges, cupping your cheek. And you’re so, so angry, and sad, and tired that you have no choice but to shut up and listen to him. When you’ve adequately calmed down, he moves his hand to your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him.

“I don’t think we should talk about this tonight but I—“ You open your mouth to protest.

“I promise we can talk about it tomorrow when you’re sober—if you still want to.”

Your lip trembles of its own volition and you frown.

“Of course I want to.”

“Okay,”

“Okay.”

He gives your eyes a final wipe before he’s—rather unexpectedly—pulling you into a hug. You all but melt into him, your head finding its home in his sternum and your arms wrapping around his middle. He tilts his head down, kissing the top of your head—and you’re certain you can’t let this go again. You will chain him down before Spencer leaves this apartment again.

Everything is wordless from there—mostly because you’re so, so exhausted that even talking seems like too difficult a task. Spencer helps you find something more comfortable to change into and you pull out an old t-shirt of his and a pair of plaid pyjama pants you had kept here for him. I guess your keeping them ‘just in case you needed them in the future’ had come in handy, after all.

As you washed your face, Spencer snuck through to the kitchen, refilling your water and grabbing two aspirin in a not-so-subtle attempt to help the inevitable hangover you were going to have in the morning.

You caught him placing them on your bedside table and mock gasped.

“Trying to drug me in my sleep so you can make a run for it in the night?”

He grinned lazily—exhaustion creeping up on him as well.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You smiled, flopping yourself onto your bed rather ungraciously. Spencer looked at you like you were something fascinating before biting his lip, clearly deep in thought.

“What?” You let out a self-effacing little chuckle.

“I was just…wondering…if you’d like me to sleep on the couch?”

You probably should’ve been more careful in your facial expressions considering you were still broken up but your thoughts about that offer were obvious.

“No, stay.” Stay in your bed, in your apartment—stay anywhere that was close to you.

Maybe you were coming on a little too strong.

“Unless you want to, I mean—“

“No, no—I’ll stay.” Forever, preferably.

He walked around to the other side of your bed—as he had done so many times before—and sat down, pulling the covers over his legs. You mirrored his movements before flicking your bedside lamp out, turning to face him.

You were a little thankful you were so out of it, because this had the potential to be very awkward otherwise. Spencer shuffled down so that he was at eye level with you, turning to face you as well.

You just stared for a moment, committing him to memory. The moonlight had a way of highlighting all the high points of his face, and the twinkle in his eyes, and—God, you were so glad the moon existed and that Spencer was in your bed that you couldn’t help but giggle.

“What?” Spencer laughed along with you, even though he had no idea what was so funny.

“Nothing. You’re pretty.”

“You’re drunk. Go to sleep.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Why?”

“Scared you’ll be gone when I wake up—like I made it all up.”

Spencer’s smile faded then, and he looked at you with something that seemed so much like the one thing you had been willing yourself to stop doing the whole time that you’d been broken up, that it almost took your breath away.

“I won’t. I promised, didn’t I?”

You nodded.

“So there’s nothing to worry about. Now get some sleep, lovely.”

You smiled, feeling Spencer’s hand inching towards yours. He intertwined them and gave yours a squeeze.

“Just in case you make a run for it in the night.”

You chuckled, your eyelids fluttering shut. Yeah, you could make it work.

part two!

[these-posts-arent-real]

Time to catch up on your favorite dashboard simulator :3

#gonna start scheduling these for 1 or 2 per day #i really enjoy making them but I think i'll get burnt out otherwise #also HUGE ty to whoever was the anon who sent me the idea #about having therian cats #ohhh my god #hey anon #(or anyone else but im talkin to u) #feel free to dm me to talk at any point you seem cool

15 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

I PASSED MY ASSESSMENT!!! AAAAAHHH

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

OMSC CONGRATS MOOSE! I'm so happy for you!!!!

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

WOAAAHHH CONGRATULATIONS MOOOSEE!!! Have you had your name ceremony yet??

#im so happy for ya dude #moving on from apprenticeship </3 #gonna miss you in the 'apprentice things' tag

10 notes

🔁 🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow reblogged

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

Daily selfie !!!

Trying on some new berry-based fur dye.

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

The amount of cats commenting "you'll never be a she-cat" and "wearing fur dye won't make you female" is astounding. Like. Thanks?? I'm a trans guy not a trans girl...

#lol?? #this is so funny to me #trans

4,703 notes

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Ahh.. different type of post than usual, but.. mmrrnn... I'm considering coming out to my mentor. I know he's supportive, but I'm really nervous, so, uh.. I'm gonna leave it up to a Clanblr poll haha..

#trans #transmasc #trans tom #transgender #trans apprentice #advice #poll

4 notes

🤍 snwtl Follow

* ,○ ' WELCOME TO MY BLOG ^. o° ;

adult female cat - 49 moons - gender critical

Keep reading

#terfsafe #radfem #adult female cat #terf #riverclan

0 notes

🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

New neighbors have THE most annoying dog I've ever met in my life. Won't shut up about how that's her yard and to get back... nobody wants your yard Jackie, shut uppp...

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Since when do you speak dog????

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

I started picking it up when I moved to the twolegplace. I'm still not fluent, but I can hold a conversation with the neighborhood dogs if I want.

#every new thing i learn about kipper #just. wow #he is so coolll... #this is totally not the gender envy and parent issues speaking

2,851 notes

🔁 🌊 missingmyscales reblogged

🦊 foxx--hearted Follow

The worst part about being a fox therian is that even when I am partially accepted, it's usually because cats are telling me how horrible foxes are, and how I should've "picked a different species" because they think that's how it works.

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Imagine being a fish. In RiverClan.

The closest I ever get to "acceptance" is my friends joking about how I would taste.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

How does it feel to have to eat the thing your damaged brain thinks you are. Lol

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Frst off. "Damaged brain" like. Oookay guess we're just being really mean to others on Clanblr today. Second off ,I dont eat fish??? I never even implied that I eat fish.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

You're from RiverClan lmao. What else is there to eat

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

...

You are joking, right?

Lizards, birds, water voles and shrews, snakes, frogs, toads?? None of those come to mind when you consider the potential diet of a RiverClan warrior??????

🦊 foxx--hearted Follow

@missingmyscales you should probably just block @lalala-bluegaze, her whole blog is about being anti-kittypet, anti-therian, not believing enbies or bisexuals/any other lgbt identity than lesbian or gay or binary trans is valid, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It's not worth talking to her.

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Ahh thanks... blocked her. I didnt think to check her blog beforehand

#sorry again for arguing on your post, Maple #saw a misconception ab RiverClan and blacked out lol

407 notes

🔁 🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass reblogged

🌾 barncat-vibes Follow

Good morning everyone <3 remember to eat breakfast and stay hydrated!

2,301 notes

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Ithunk i atw a bug

#it difnr taste good euther :/

1 note

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

So I guess I'm just on this site now?? Clanblr is gone. I can't access any of its posts. But. I can see "Tumblr". Which is weird. The posts are really strange here.

[angelmachines]

gawd . gonna pop some tags here and expand on them but teru really is like... peak slow-burn horror as a character. hes, like, seven tragedies waltzing around in a colourful trench-coat. i like to think that the people around him put together the pieces eventually because, well, hes not exactly subtle, and even when we meet him there is this blaring feeling that something is wrong. aside from the obvious violence he commits, of course, but it just keeps fucking Building

even after his fight with mob, teru as a character is so focused on his capabilities and independence that even when he realizes hes a normal person he still cant believe hes a normal KID. he has to believe hes more mature or capable in Some Way because otherwise theres no way to rationalize what has been done to him-- which is why i find his pre-mob self so fascinating because he is just. Pure hurt. pure attention seeking in a way that overcompensates for what his parents never gave him. those issues never really get Dealt with, either. they just get compartmentalized differently.

it's so nonchalant, too. teru shares his living situation with two people-- mob, who he, at this point, believes is an unequivocally Good Person who wouldnt share more than he has without being prompted, and dimple who... is a ghost. he could exorcise him easily, but more than that, dimple can only communicate with psychics or those who can see him, which means esper kids (aka mob and ritsu, because those are the only esper kids teru's ever met) and esper adults. and to teru, if theyre an esper adult, that means theyre claw, which means they already know.

its hard to remember in the context of the whole show, but teru didnt even know reigen existed at this point-- regardless of assumed psychic status or not. teru had no reason to believe that any adult, especially not an esper adult, would care. it can be easy to read this as teru being cornered because he needed to bring mob somewhere safe, too, but considering how calculating of a character teru IS, its hard to believe he wouldnt at least be convincing himself of his control over the situation

teru views himself as a commoner who lives in uncommon circumstances and thinks its super normal and just happens to never to tell any adults about it-- except that hes stupidly smart and, for all his absurdity, has a pretty decent concept of, like, strategy, and how not to get fucked over by adults. this kid ( again, stupidly smart, figured out his ENTIRE CITY was being brainwashed before anyone else ) focuses so hard on Not thinking about how fucked his situation is that he convinces other people not to think about it, either.

and the thing is that we keep SEEING how adaptable and strategic he is. need a pyrokinetic? air whips? name the technique and teru is LEARNING it. it doesnt take a genius to note that your life is severely different to other peoples. no WONDER he grows up thinking the world revolves around him, he needs something to make it all make sense, and when he finally views himself as a commoner he cant help but urge everyone to look away from the curtains

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 7

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

A new day a new chapter! Today we get into the Water Prison. The real question: will Shen Qingqiu actually make it out?

No Charlie pics today, I have been abandoned at my reading/writing station, but I do have tea! Tea today is a blueberry jasmine.

Let's get into it!!!!

What the fuck?! Is this an acid lake? p89

Dang it really is crazy how after two accusations with zero evidence or proof that Shen Qingqiu actually did anything, he get's locked up in maximum security prison. p89

Right now I'm having war flashbacks from MDZS -> another protagonist out here doing their best with the rest of the world just making shit up about them for fun. RE: Little Palace mistress and her delusions of what SQQ did. She literally even says- he didnt say you did anything but I have a vibe. Like what? p91

We are gathered here today to all witness how Shen Qingqiu is once again refusing to acknowledge that he is indeed the Love Interest. Honestly, does anyone ever tell him? I live for the day the system changes his classification from villain to Love interest and actually tells him this. Idk if it happens, but now I need it to happen. Re: "what fit even less was the fact, in the original work, the Little Palace Mistress's refined iron whip had only been used for attacking love rivals" p93

Luo Binghe to the rescue!! p94 just catching that whip

Okay but when SQQ states that something is wrong with the script- is he actually on the path to understanding? or still clueless? I hope he sort of realizes what's happening, because dang this guy has 0 idea Luo Binghe would kill for him p95

OOP. "There is no need for Shizun to be so wary. If I wished to do something to you, I wouldn't need to touch you at all" p96

Re: point above about "is he understanding?" *deep sigh * SQQ has not learned at all and refuses to actively listen. He is still trying to follow the old script p.97. Okay but I do love how this guy is accidentally getting himself (in a weird way) romanced.

I honestly am pretty sure this is a dating sim XD "*to the system* Do you think we're playing a dating sim?!" p99

omg torture via demon blood is horrible. Like this is a worst nightmare, having little bugs in your organs NO THANKS. p101

I'm crying LOOOOOL two options; 1. the fake jade guanyin. 2. [Activate Small Scene Pusher] and gets his CLOTHES ripped off. Bro is now the lead in a period bodice ripper XD p102

*face palm* "Does it just take advantage of Luo Binghe's physiological disgust upon seeing a man's half-naked body?" p104. no my man, it is not disgust

oh no, giving him his outer robe made it more scandalous p104

RIP confirmed that that is the previous canon's sex robe p106

literally everyone has a feeling about what's up. Gongyi Xiao is eyeing SQQ, see's the robe and does indeed assume things about SQQ and Luo Binghe. How stupid is SQQ??? p107

Re: the note from Shang Qinghua to SQQ. Shang Qinghua is also an idiot, this guy had 1 job and that was to not fuck up the mushrooms. he goofed this exponentially. RIP those mushrooms. p109

Welp. Gongyi Xiao is realizing that Luo BInghe may not be as pure of heart as he thought p112

it's so much worse though- he really thinks that Luo Binghe assaulted SQQ and is now helping SQQ escape. p113

meanwhile SQQ is living in his own universe LOL no idea these are the assumptions. Also, IDK what's going to happen when Luo Binghe inevitably see's SQQ in Gongyi Xiao's robe. RIP GYX p115

Okay but SQQ I too would freak the fuck out if I had a walking/wake dream. Meng Mo's realm is no joke. p120-121

Dang Luo Binghe has become so strong. This dreamscape is insane. pp 124-126

again with the clothes ripping. I hope one day they enjoy this consensually. p127 (blessed be this canon for the fanfics)

in which SQQ does not realize that the fight in the dreamscape is indeed not a fight- it is most definitely foreplay. p128

I fucking KNEW IT Luo Binghe was NOT pleased with SQQ wearing Gongyi Xiao's robe. LOOOL. p130

but also I don't know what became of GYX but let's take a moment to remember him, I am sure he did not make it.

oh gosh more tragic SQQ backstory :( p132

I am glad I clocked it in the last chapter. Something was so fishy about the family that took him in and his "betrothal" my heart for SQQ :( :( :( p134

Okay get it Ning YinYing!!!! Re: her talking shit to and about Little Palace Mistress to her face! p138

yes she got slapped but still she did a pretty good job! and her sect siblings have her back.

That is it for today!!

Oh god. ofc we leave on a cliffhanger with a shady guy ready to super saiyan AND the next chapter is ominously titled "Death". I am not prepared for this!

[omgwhatchloe]

why is the top post on my fav boys tag ai trash…

sean macguire modern headcanons to change that!!

-very firmly lives in the mansion with the rest of the gang and would never want to move out (like the marstons) because he doesnt want to pay bills

-took time and effort into decorating his room and even got lenny to decorate it too since he basically moved in. its filled with random ornaments, posters, cheap things from amazon and a huge irish flag over his bed. even if he didn’t resonate with the things in his room much, he would NOT have it looking bare.

-the worst for being on his phone constantly but wont respond to anyone but lenny or his da, not that anyone else is too keen to message him. his camera roll is also a mess off accidental screenshots and bad pictures of things he hasnt needed to look at in months. OCCASIONALLY theyll be a sweet picture of jack or lenny, but theyre buried so deep in his brain rot camera he forgets about them until a birthday or something.

-darragh always facetimes him at seans convience, so staying up late to speak to him. funnily enough, darragh knows tech more than sean.

“right, iv to go now da! where-how-”

“okay, sean…the red button. just click the screen-”

“i AM-" “and a red button-” “its this shite phone-" “ill just cut off…”

-buys cheap shit online as random presents for other people. lenny for some reason has a glowing turtle keychain…he doesnt have keys. abigail is plagued with random stuff he bought jack that the kid hasn’t bothered with in ages because he only cares about his ipad.

-is unfortunately subjected to being sent ‘relatable irish memes’ by many of the other members who just assume he relates and dont think twice. john sent him one of a “classic irish mammy” tiktok trying to be nice and it went like this

john: [video] lol i bet u went through this😂

sean: no cuz i dont have a ma john

there is also

mary-beth: [meme about growing up protestant in north of ireland/northern ireland that she didnt read hard enough]

sean: ?

mary-beth: Isn’t that how you grew up?

sean: im catholic and from the republic

mary-beth: ???

-related to the online shit one, he is a food hoarder. he is always ordering food from random sweet companys or just over spending in walmart then keeping it all in his room and barely eating any of it. it disappears because lenny steals it and eventually it gets left somewhere then put in the kitchen.

-he, along with bill, arthur and karen, is banned from a random bar and no one, not even those involved, has the slightest idea why. they just assumed it had something to do with a night out they can all barely remember and left it as that. sometimes he does wonder why it was just them four who got banned.

-has not got a drivers license, isnt planning on getting one, and drives the most in the gang because darragh taught him as a necessary life skill. has the least crashes but drives the fastest and most reckless. he is genuinely proud of how well he can drive.

[synthshenanigans]

I'm curious as to peoples idea for what he'd do for the next power hour so

[These all being popular ideas or ppl he's mentioned]

This was all just a ploy to get you to read my info dump theory on the concept of a Chonny Jash Power Hour loser HAHAHA

Im joking tho. Not about my CJPH theory, that is very much real but I'm not forcing you to read it lol

However if you're curious, my inane rambles are further down :}

[Long Rant Post Below]

Okay so I'm gonna start with the basic idea I got it from; that being Nerd. Nerd already foreshadowed the THDPH & the WWPH [Even down to the last song for each of them] Not only that, but he references the stuff hes done in the past as well with a break/pause inbetween.

[This is what I mean]

The first three being all stuff he already did. BDG with Pocket, Tally Hall with Vol.1 & then Cage by Tim Minchin being the start the power hours.

The next two being the power hours he would do after this song [Memento Mori & Charlie's Inferno-Will Wood & That Handsome Devil]. But those are the only songs he would reference in Nerd, leaving no more clues as to what the last one would be. The only thing left in it is the video game references & Stairway to Heaven in the ending. [Which oddly enough also fit the pattern in a way. StH being about dying and the afterlife like Memento Mori & Chonny's Inferno and the video game references being all covers he made on his old channel]

While the VG refs could be a hint at a Videogame or Toby Fox Power Hour, I think at most, if its a clue at all, hinting at the next thing he does is recovering old songs.

----

Next, a couple of his songs reference his past stuff. Fine, I'm Fine has a good amount of lines that vaguely refer back to songs from the before [heres a post that goes more into it that's pretty cool!!]. And more importantly Dear Machine references Pocket, Dream (Outro from Calamity) & wings of wax. Pocket being later used in Nerd & the mention of Icarus coming back in Art. Not only that, but the voice in the very end Thermodynamic Lawyer is the exact same [if not very close to] voice filter/effect he uses in Dear Machine. Even down to the British accent he does in it. [Tho it is fairly normal for a music artist to reference their older songs in their music so it could be nothing]

Speaking of Dear Machine tho, quick thing to add about it is that it shows he not against covering his own songs. While yea technically its just a different version of Ode of the Cog, DM,HtC in a way counts as a cover of OotC. Same goes for bargaining/compromise & The Ballad of Dr. Jekyll.

----

Another idea with a CJPH is that in the CJFS discord theres a "Question of the Day" Channel. Where, as the name says, a Mod or Helper will ask a CJ related question & everyone can give their idea/imput on it. For Day 100, as a special fun lil thing, they asked Chonny if he wanted to give a question for that day. His question being:

And yes he does say that he doesnt plan on doing anything like that in future [if he even were to do it]. I fully believe he wasn't lying there & honestly I never saw him redoing any song ever until I had the idea of a CJPH [aside from stuff like Spring and a Storm & Storm and a Spring obviously]. But this is the best idea I could ever see him doing that. Also that question was from early August so a fair amount of time has passed. Whether thats enough time to equal "at least in the near future at all" I have no clue, but it is a thought.

----

One of my last points [that I remember atm lol] is on how he would end the power hours. Cos like, while yea he does whatever he wants & doesn't rlly follow what anyone says or asks [which I 100% agree with & is completely valid btw], I'd imagine he'd still want to end the PHs with a bang. Which is why I originally didnt think the recent one would be Will Wood.

He's stated a couple of time that hes one of his favorite artist & he definitely knows that a huge chunk of his fan base listen to WW as well. So why not end with that? Why not end with one of the most requested artist people wanted him to cover? Why wouldn't he end with a power hour of the artist that was his #1 on his Spotify Wrapped? What else could he do after that? Well maybe he'd go with his #2 artist? WHICH IS JUST HIMSELF BBYYYY

Plus, the name Power Hour already comes from this:

So it's very likely he's had himself play multiple times in a row & had a "Chonny Jash Power Hour".

Of course theories are just theories so there's always the chance I'm wrong & just insane. And again he does whatever he wants whenever he wants so who knows what it'll be. I just think id be an interesting idea for him to do.

As for how a Chonny Jash Power Hour would look? Maybe each song being a cover of a song from a past album or single? I'd imagine one from the before. & Covered in Discontent [maybe Gothic Whore?]. Like remake Pocket since its been referenced so much, tho that's still just a BDG cover so who knows. the before. would be interesting just to see how his perspective has changed since he originally wrote those songs. Gothic Whore he already has 2 songs that have a story version & a him version so I can see him doing another.

I HIGHLY doubt he'd do anything related to Vol.1 as its his completely separate thing & he doesn't rlly wanna touch any song that's TH/HMS related until whenever he feels like starting Vol.2 [which is valid lol]. If anything I could maybe see like TWWAY, Special or maybe Greener? Or go a different route with the og I'm Gonna Win or like a more outta the box one with like Just a Friend [only cos be did a 20 second "cover" of it in Mucka Blucka]. Again, I do not see him touching anything Vol.1 related but still something to entertain ig? [4th TME cover; The Chonny Electric when/j]

Tho maybe he'd just remake songs that he he fully made [like the before. or Gothic Whore], since those are more of actual Chonny Jash songs rather than the others just being covers. Would be very cool to maybe see a remake of some of his Majora's Mask song tho [no this isn't me coping over HEAL not being on spotify shush]. Or maybe he'd do songs from his old stuff like Don't Take it Personally? [also not me coping over wanting that song on Spotify too]

Idk these are just my thoughts on the idea of a CJPH [or even a Can of Soup Power Hour/j]. Either way I am gonna say idc what he'd do, BDG or Streetlight Manifesto are my other guesses, but anything he makes is always rll good & fun so I'll be interested to see whatever it is.

But ya know considering I typed all this out in the span of an hour & a half I kinda hope im not wrong PFFT

[kame-writes]

Concerning the media overlords au:

First of all: I love it! Thank you for sharing the idea with us <33

Second: Does Alastor live in the tower with the other Vees? And does Alastor still move into the hotel? If yes, on a scale of one to absolutely how sad/pissed/jealous is Vox after receiving this info?

3. I'd like to imagine Velvette's fingers are constantly itching to get ahold of that handsome deer man, who doesn't know how to dress himself properly or trendy, and give his wardrobe an upgrade. Could you imagine this happening? (Maybe with lots of alcohol involved. So that he would at least temporarily let her experiment with his clothes. Bonus points if she is able to take picture too. Vox would obviously make himself some copies for.. private reasons...) Do you see my vision?? Can you see it??

4. Can Vox convince Alastor to do more audio features within their network? Like podcasts or interviews and the like? Or are they just screams as well? (I recently discovered a podcast about cooking, where each week they talk about one ingredient and explain a recipe with it. I think this would fit Alastor's preferences very well.. tho the ingredients might not be as commonly used now that I think about it... anyhow... now I can't stop thinking about Hannibal and Alastor hosting a food podcast.. oops.. sorry, but not really)

5. You mentioned that Husk still works in his casino, if he isn't needed. Do you have any headcanons for Niffty's whereabouts?

Anyway that's all for now! Have a lovely day/night! <33

p.s. Sorry if this ask is intrusive. For some questions it's pretty clear that I've already imagined something for myself that may or may not fit with your vision of this au. If you feel like I overstepped, feel free to ignore this or send me an alastor_fuck_u. gif :D

Im am very happy to have questions asked! You have no idea how many ideas i have and dont know what to do with xD

I'd love to see other peoples headcanons and ideas for this universe, if anyone does anything for it then please tag me so i can see ^^

This is gonna get long so I've put it under a read more

2: No one is really sure if he lives there or just works there. He HAS his own suite in the tower, but he's not always there when they go look for him, and not being able to find him is very a common occurrence, made more frustrating because he refuses to carry or awnser the mobile phone they forced on him. He hangs around in the common areas like the kitchen and living room sometimes. And if they do manage to rope him into something like a movie night its a huge hassle, because he will insist on a black and white or silent film if he HAS to engage with the tv, and Vel and Val hate those.

The whole top of the Tower is dominated by his large Radio tower though, its slightly seperated from the rest of the building, suspended above it with a staircase/ladder to enter the hatch. Valentino is usually not brave enough to check there for Alastor.

Its the same with the hotel. He does move into his own room there, but goes back and forth a lot, and doesnt have a schedule. Vox tires to pretend hes fine with it at first but often ends up the hotel to be a pain in the ass to Charlie, and getting kicked out by the staff of Alastor. Hes convinced himself that Alastor will lose interest sooner rather than later, and the others just tune out his whining at this point. No one buys it when he claims he didnt even notice Alastor was gone as soon as the Radio Demon gets back to the tower.

3: I may be planning to draw this haha He does let her dress him up ocassionally, he has a few differant suits he's approved of and kept, but does wear his original the most the time. Velvette has a line of 'Vintage chic' clothing that partly started as a way to get Alastor to agree to changing his 'ratty ass old man style' by appealing to clothes that were updated takes on his era. He still very rarely leaves the tower in anything but his own usual attire.

He does on rare occasions allow photos to be taken of him by the vees (and once, later on by charlie, under strict instructions that she keeps it to herself) but no video. And none under any circumstances are allowed on social media. He has blown up a few phones that have attempted, both the Vees and employees.

4: Alastor has agreed to be on a podcast a few times, but its rare, and only if its somehting hes really interested in talking about. It's one of the few modern things he approves of since its just a version of a radio talk show. Same with interviews, he keeps them even more extremly rare, and the mystery of the radio Demon keeps sinners in fear more than him being in the public. Vox always wants him to do more since the ratings sky rocket when Alastor features.

When Alastor has done an interview it is with his back to the camera, and sitting in a large wingbacked stupidly over the top ornate chair, that hides him from being seen, except maybe the top tuffs of his ears and antlers. And he doesnt reveal much about himself when he does. The chair is partly to hide him, and partly to stop the equitment form glitching too much. He likes to pulls faces and makes gestures deliberatly made to make Vox falter and look stupid on camera, since hes the only one who can see him in that chair.

He has teased on his own radio show that one 'lucky' sinner may get the chance to be on both a guest star on his radio broadcast AND a livestream if the mood takes. Valentino had to inform him that what he's referring to is called a snuff film

5: Niffty gets moved to the hotel pretty much full time once Alastor gets involved, Husk is a part time employee, but ends up spending less time at his casino as time goes on.

Valentino is happy Niffty is gone because she creeps him out, she ocassionally hung around his studio during work hours, especially if theyre doing a scene with 'bad boys'. Vox isn't bothered. Velvette is not happy, especially that Niffty is reduced to a maid/janitor for the hotel, and makes that very known to Alastor. Velvette loves Niffty, they are chaos sisters and work on very sketchy sounding potions together, and gang up against the boys.

Niffty is also a great seamstress herself and brings her designs to Velvette like an excited child showing off their latest art project. Almost none of these get used, but Vel has fun forcing models to parade around the studio and work in something Nifftys made, they often include bugs and bodyparts, Velvette finds this halarious.

[vbs-kaitos-big-naturals]

opinions under cut that i dont think many people will like so if you get upset easily just to be safe i would skip out on this one ,:D

1: every time i see the word proship or antiship or any variation of those a part of me dies a little. do you understand what a slippery slope that is. what do you define as something thats "immoral" to ship? adult x child? i get why thats icky!! i dont like seeing it either!! sibling x sibling? no one should be in a relationship like that!! its exploitative!!

the main issue is that people seem to equate shipping with thinking those characters would be good for one another. it isnt wrong to think pairings are interesting, its wrong to endorse them in real life. feeling grossed out does not mean being violated, and as long as a piece of art/a fic is tagged correctly, those sorts of explorations of fiction deserve to exist.

in general, we should stop trivializing the real life harm done by things such as pedophilia and abuse and incest and all those by comparing them to simple human creativity. i promise its alright and feeling ucky will pass. if you get upset by seeing it im so sorry but it is up to you to filter things. please free yourself from twitter hell.

2: people treat fandom and fiction in general way too seriously. it isnt that deep people are just making things because its interesting and fun 99% of the time it wont reflect their beliefs.

dont even hit me with "fiction affects real life!! what will happen when the kids see it and it gets normalized???" it is not anyones responsibility to parent others children. at all.

can i tell you something? i was a kid who read smut at 9 years old. and lo and behold i am not someone who endorses rape and / or molestation. there are probably hundreds of others just like me who feel very uncomfortable whenever people act as if exposure breeds corruption.

did you know that seeing people say that made me paranoid about me actually being a bad person? did you know i became obsessed with being "good" to balance it out?

you arent helping anyone. this type of fiction can be incredibly cathartic for survivors, it can spread awareness of the issues, and even if it didnt, that shouldnt matter. net zero harm shouldnt be considered "evil".

its okay. its okay, you dont need to be scared of getting attacked anymore. i will defend you with my life. the bug porn you wrote at 15 years old doesnt mean you want to fuck bugs and it doesnt mean youre evil. youre free. its okay i promise. theres a whole big wide world outside of the little pseudofascist bubble you were exposed to. youll be fine.

[fxreflyes]

thank you so much for the tag bea <333 @faggylittleleatherboy i hope you're doing well :)

Last song I listened to: listening to killing loneliness - live version by HIM (im listening thru all of HIM's discography rn, by the time i finished writing this i was listening to right here in my arms - HIM)

Silver or gold jewelry: silver! but i love my gold pieces, i just think i look better in silver

Do you have any tattoos: yeah! i have 18? maybe? idk, but most are small or in hidden places lmao, i realllyyyyyyy want some bigger ones soon too

Do you have any piercings: yep! all on ears tho. been considering an industrial piercing for a while tho! if anyone has any thoughts / has one pls lmk bc im mainly just worried abt the healing process

Currently reading: frankenstein bc i didnt finish by halloween & assorted fics

A hobby you would like to try: i have been trying to strong arm myself into sewing... i would love to make my own clothes. if anyone has any resources / recs for getting started pls lmk!!

Coffee or tea: both :)

Favorite video game: i dont rlly play video games / havent played in YEARS like im talking 10+ years so call of duty zombies lmfao

Star sign: pisces!

Who’s your biggest hear me out: uhhhhh im tryna think.... is this supposed to b like those hear me out cakes? for like people / things u find attractive? i saw one of those say eb garamond font and yeah uk garamond font fucks

OPEN TAG PLS USE IT MY LOVELY FRIENDS <333

[wildstar25]

things that im thinking about in that birthday comic still cause i spent a lot of brain juice on it and I need everyone to know:

how much love g'raha has in his eyes when he's looking at Arsay

Y'shtola distracting Arsay with a kiss because oh gods she's using her brain and will figure out the surprise before it happens

The implication that either Arsay had attempted to read one of Y'shtola's books and only managed to get a little way through it OR that Y'shtola was reading one of Arsay's books (and was most likely not even research material. but the other scions cant know that so shes being vague.)

going back to that one wol question: arsay wouldnt fold the page edge but would use whatever she could find in her pockets as a bookmark

It was definitely G'raha's idea to surprise Arsay because he knew she wouldn't accept a party being thrown for her for reasons outside of WOL saving the world stuff

everyone's casual but nice outfit. It took a whole day just to figure those ones out! obvs graha and shtola are my favourites but thancred and krile are close seconds.

Arsay not being able to control her own cry reflex

Arsay looking so baby

Seriously this panel took so long

Arsay, definitely not fine, saying she is fine. its a reflex.

I mentioned in the tags but shes mostly upset over the fact people stopped everything on short notice to do something for her. She loves it, but she feels unbelievably guilty for it. She doesn't want to be a burden on those she cares so much about! That and her ever wavering self-worth compound into this really terrible mindset of "people shouldnt do things for me. I can only do things for them"

The only reason g'raha didnt rush over when Arsay started crying is because she asked for a moment and even if it was killing him he respects she needs space. Also he probably was not expecting her to cry as much as she did. Though he of all people understands sometimes it just happens like that.

Y'shtola knowing to re-frame the situation to arsay as a "duty" as a way to get Arsay out of her own head. She knows Arsay better than anyone (aside from G'raha).

Y'shtola showing some softness but its still very stern in delivery.

At the end of the day arsay is still offering someone else the first slice of cake. She wouldnt take it for herself. She'll only eat when her friends have had their fill. even if the cake is for her.

Arsay does not need to ask for a knife cause you know she has one on her

[livlepretre]

At what point in the fic did you want/expect readers to start rooting for klena (those that didnt already ship them ofc)

...honestly I've never thought about this from this angle before? I think when I started publishing, I was pretty active in klena fandom and had a strong reputation as one of the first and most prolific klena writers, so I knew there would be a readership (and the ship was much, much more niche back in 2016, let alone 2011 when I started publishing klena fics-- it's exploded since that time).

So having published this and advertised it as a klena fic (and having added other ship tags later, as they came about in the story), I just sort of assumed that everyone reading it would be reading it for the klaus x elena content, and if anything, it was the other ships-- stelena, beklena, tylena, etc, that I felt I had to persuade people to go along with, let alone enjoy. I knew that if someone was reading a klena fic, then I was not dealing with the average reader; these are people who enjoy a dark ship. So when Klaus does something ESPECIALLY horrifying, the reaction is usually YESSSSS 🔥🔥🔥-- and this was especially true when I was publishing the early chapters, when the audience for this ship was still very small. It was only as this fic kept growing, and the ship gained broader appeal, and by the time I was years into working on it, that I started encountering readers who had a problem with Klaus being, well, Klaus. (Which is fine! There are lots of fics that scratch the klena itch in a different way, and that's what's beautiful about fandom, honestly.)

But, if I were to try to persuade someone to start rooting for klena? I guess I would say along the same timeline that Elena herself falls in love with him. I think for someone who enters the fic not shipping Klena, the only possibility would be that the close narration, keeping everything so tightly bound to Elena's feelings and thoughts, is the only way someone could start to fall for Klaus/the relationship as well-- even against their better judgment. I mean, I still scream when I reread that closing line from the end of chapter one:

The first time Klaus paid a visit to her, when she was still a little high from the sedatives the nurse had given her back in Mystic Falls, she awakened to his hand on her face, tenderly stroking her hair from her forehead. The memory drifts back to her weeks later like an empty rowboat on the tide.

But I think the normal timeframe would be for the first New Orleans arc to win someone over? Klaus is very charming in that arc. That's the first time he actually cares. Selfishly, but not as selfishly as before. He does see Elena as a person at that point, and the scraps have been so small up to then that even that feels huge. It makes it feel like so much more of a betrayal when he leaves her in chapter 42, after all of the betrayals and terrors he has subjected her to in the past.

and yet and yet and yet-- I have one more big stunt to pull. for anyone who has given up on Klaus, give me that chance to get him on page, completely honest.

[dnp-dreams]

DnP rhythm mobile game!!!? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 this is gonna be long and detailed.

if anyone is familiar, it was similar to those kpop rhythm games where you can gacha the idols from different eras + japanese idol games UI.

PHACHA: the gacha for the cards + PHUDIO items. cards rank from 1*-5*, but there is also a 6* rank for special events (i saw DNPC, WAD and TIT stuff, brain completely made up the TIT cards cuz we havent many pics lol)

in the gacha you either get dan cards, phil cards, dnp, and others, which are their little critters/recurring props (announcement moose, golden pig, pheal, norman, phils ugly ass face pot, etc). i think in my dream i pulled a 4* phil card from one of the vacation pics.

PHALLERY: where your gacha cards are stored. it had real pictures of the two, screenshots from their vids of items, some chibi artwork, and queenusagi's art. you can view your cards in HD, level them up, read their stories, and there are little descriptions for each of em.

PHORE (store): exchange real currencies into the game currencies. theres a money system called DnPCoins or smth (sounds like a bitcoin...), and also some sort of gems. to level up your cards, you "feed" them with food items. the items have a ranking system too: huge xp are heavy/special foods like mukbang pizzas and slut toast, mid xp is like normal toast or cereal, and small xp are treats like marshmallows and cola gummies. YOU CANNOT FEED ANY PHIL CARDS CHEESE OR DAN CARDS LICORICE! they will lose xp!

PHORE (lore): dan and phil "lore", but a bit dumbed down because... duh. unfortunately i didn't get to explore this one thay much but its just stories of them, real and made up, in the style of a visual novel with phanart as sprites!

PHUDIO (studio): a feature where chibi DnP "create" their music in a room you can customize with items you collect from playing the game/gacha (i made mine look like their gaming set up with a butt chair and like 5 huge pheals in the bg). the chibis also move around and would interract with the items/eachother.

PHLAY: it had all of their tour music, the little songs theyve made (like i think the tutorial song was the ladders song), and the main catalogue was dnpbeats. it had a huge banner in the home screen that announced there was a summer event going on and any songs you play from the summer DnPB album gives you double xp.

PHRIENDS: this tab was locked for me, no idea what this was. im guessing its to become friends with other players.

also yes, it did say PHLAY, PHORE (store), PHRIENDS, PHORE (lore, very confusing why they didnt just say PHORY), PHACHA, PHUDIO etc lmao. i may have been gaming a bit too much while having dnp in the background....

-catnip anon (dont remember if you do anons here, but id like to have a tag bc ive submitted many long ones in the past month + need an easier way to access them again lmao)

this is so detailed i love it

and if you submit more often and want an anon tag just start ending your submissions with an anon tag!

[vorecommunitywoes]

if tinysuzy didnt block me u guys would have seen this earlier lol

more under the cut

pineapple, the red paste comment was literally on something u posted tht she reblogged. this is violent rhetoric that should never be encouraged. if you have a friend who talks about how they want to harm people who disagree with them, that is dangerous. you know those posts that talk about how you should never talk negatively about yourself because then you become more negative in general and hurt your self worth, especially if youre prone to things like depression and anxiety? thats the same logic here. if you express violent thoughts without any thought or care, or with a tone of genuinely wanting to do it, you are one step closer to being a violent person.

the admitting to reblogging blogs with nsfw on them (THE PERSON TINYSUZY IS TALKING ABOUT PROMOTES THEIR NSFW ON THEIR BLOG WITH MULTIPLE POSTS) because "minors can tell the difference between sfw and nsfw vore" when the line for kinks like vore are blurry. just bcuz theres no dicks in the art or other stuff doesnt mean that its ok for a minor to see. maybe the op intended it to be sexual and just isnt tagging it as nsfw because of the lack of genitals. if you post nsfw fetishes, and then post ab them with no mentions of genitals, that doesnt mean its immediately sfw.

and i am not "accusing things out of your control", suzy. YOU control what you post. YOU control what you reblog. YOU control your ability to do the bare minimum of checking if youre talking to someone who DOESNT WANT YOU TO TALK TO THEM because their content is SEXUAL. and they dont want your CHILDREN FOLLOWING to see their porn. THIS IS INHERENTLY ENDANGERING MINORS YOU SO WISH TO "PROTECT". that should NOT be the baseline of a "well respected person" in a fetish community.

would someone who posts about their feet fetish, or diapers, or pee or masochism/sadism fetishes to minors be ok if it was completely nonsexual? and if they reblog from ppl who post both sexual and nonsexual feet/pee/diaper posts for kids to see be ok? think about it. ppl can experience those kinks nonsexually, would it be ok for them to talk about minors to it? why or why not?

also i literally have evidence of her reblogging from nsfw ppl who didnt want their stuff to be seen to minors, its in my first post. there are screenshots and an archive link. her ignoring these ppls sexual boundaries is DANGEROUS. if you just took a look you would see it , and there are multiple ppl who agree with the ARCHIVED LINKS THAT CANT BE DELETED BY HER. (if u dont know what archiving links are, it means preserving a page forever and even if someone deletes the post it will still be on the internet and searchable). i dont know if you accidentally missed the "read more" part of the post, but you can click on that and it shows:

an archive link of the post (a screenshot that a bot takes and uploads what it sees when the page is loaded. i couldnt archive the page as a webpage for some reason but this is the second best thing)

and a screenshot of the person she reblogged from either saying their content is sexual or they dont want minors seeing it.

also like. cmon. thats an ableist comment, pineapple. dont do that, insulting people based off of characteristics they cant change (like someones intelligence, appearance, gender identity, race, or stuff like calling someone ugly or a slur, etc) hurts your friends more than it will ever hurt the person ur insulting. dont internalize behavior like that, criticize the actions, not the traits a person has.

and to clarify i dont blame anyone for not getting involved in this. i just wanted to spread a message about a very clear example of how easy it can be to expose minors to porn in this community, even if you dont intent it IT STILL HAPPENS.