#i didnt read this back so i apologise
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the-voldsoy · 1 year ago
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"'cause you dont get thick skin without getting burnt"
i hate that we have to 'get burned' i hate that after all this time we still have to go through things ourselves and get harmed to learn i hate that there isnt just a solution that we can tell people so they dont have to go through the pain we did but there isnt there just isnt there isnt some "meaning to life" there isnt an answer that can solve it all
but, then again, i think a lot could be solved if we accept that. if we realise that we're searching for something that doesnt exist, that we dont have a reason to live so we just gotta enjoy ourselves !!
i think people hold up the idea of a "meaning to life" too high. they make it seem like a thing that can actually be found and spend all their time, all their life looking for it. and then it all comes crashing down when they realise it just doesnt exist. (tbf, i was guilty of this when i was depressed the first time).
i hate the saying, but you do only live once. you gotta enjoy it! fuck capitalism and all that, forcing us into jobs to survive. fuck the past generations for destroying this world with no care for the future generations -- for us. fuck the people in the world that think this is all ok, that we can just sit back and let this all happen.
but we cant do anything about those people. we just gotta keep moving.
so enjoy the life you have! you only get one! you can do whatever the fuck you want, so long as it doesnt harm anyone (including yourself)!
so enjoy the things you can do. wear that thing that looks terrible, but you like how it feels. buy a soft toy even though you think people will judge you because youre not a kid. paint all weekend. do the bare minimum for you job that only pays you the bare minimum, or the school that barely knows you exist. learn what you want; instruments, languages, art, the details of long dead civilisations, hell its never too late to even learn why exactly the sky is blue.
i dont know where i was going with this tbh i just listened to The Hype by Twenty One Pilots for the first time in a while and had feelings
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arolegos · 2 months ago
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im over it but if she messaged me now i would respond in a heartbeat
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hollow-vok · 2 months ago
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Ohh im obssesed
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#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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lovphobic · 2 years ago
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I get what you're saying and my priv acc is for like. the things i don't want to admit to myself tbh things that i know I'll feel ashamed of someone saw but i just can't not write it, also sometimes it's just negative thoughts that I consider ugly so I think that maybe if I write it down I'll get it out of my body in a way?? kinda like a purification of my mind lmao
ok your ex is just a bitch tbh there's no other words to describe them, you have every right to feel the rage u described bc damn. if someone had this fucked up mindset around me i would be doing the world a favor by throwing a stone at their head lol and isn't it amazing how this type of ppl always manages to make everything about them and bc of them?? u exist bc of them and u act bc u want to get a reaction out of them, no they're never the one who creates the bad vibes in the room and they're never the one to blame if a fight starts it's just so lol at least it's over
oh yeah i get that part of it too. i mostly just keep those in my head. which maybe isnt healthy? but over time i just forget them LMAO so its just as effective as putting it on a priv yk?
and EXACTLY oh my god. like i wont be on here acting like im 100% without fault bc u know what sometimes i just got so fucking fed up that i DID start shit JUST so shed leave me the hell alone but that only worked for like 2-3 days 😭😭 shed b like ok i think we need to take a good break away from each other and id be like AMEN TO THAT (thinking im gonna get like 3 weeks) and then 3 days later shed come in like heyyy are u ready to talk. like? FUCK NO? ljkfhsdfj
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i-cant-sing · 6 months ago
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I just read part 8 of TTAU and OH MY GOD DO I LOVE YOUR WRITING!!! Is just so beautiful <3
and regarding y/n portrait, I can only imagine Baldwin having that portrait as some sort of body pillow, just imagine the poor maid that found him the first time hugging it in his sleep.
I like to imagine- ok maybe i dont LIKE it but i imagine that Baldwin would first be in denial: you are not dead. your body was never found, even if his generals insist that its impossible to find it in the sea/rocky cliff u jumped off. no, u didnt die. you returned to heaven, or maybe God just sent you on another mission to help someone else, cure someone else. so he sets off on a world wide search for you, but ofc, all his efforts are for naught. he still doesnt give up hope. he's breaking down at night, when he's alone, sitting in front of your portrait, crying, begging you to return, begging God to return his angel to him. He needs you- please, please come back. He'll apologise, he'll make everything right again, just please- come back.
Each day that you dont return, he breaks down more. Every moment away from you further cements the reality- you're not coming back. Mentally, he's hanging on by a thread. The servants, the knights have heard their king's heart wrenching sobs, they hear him begging to your portrait- to come back, that he's sorry! They've seen his pitful state, disheveled hair, bloodshot eyes, blubbering lips, hollow cheeks, he's lost weight. At this point, they're trying to calm him down, trying their earnest to find you, even your body- just to give him some closure, because they fear- they fear that Baldwin might go blind from crying so much.
It haunts them. Baldwin's sobs, his tears. But its even more terrifying when he stops crying. Radio silence. They look at him, and he's facing your portrait with a hundred yard stare. There's nothing behind his once bright blue eyes.
He's in this catatonic state, as if everything inside him has died with all those tears.
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veryberryjelly · 7 months ago
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Could I request a 🍸? Prompt 80 with either Roy or Jamie from Ted lasso. Congrats on 1.5k!!
jamie tartt x reader
prompts ; ' will carry you if you're injured '
𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ✦ 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 !
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how you had managed to hurt yourself at a restaurant was absolutely beyond you.
the whole richmond team was packed into Ola's for dinner and jamie had brought you along. which you were more than excited to do because you had tasted sam's cooking before when you had been round for dinner and an actual restaurant would be next level.
but then one moment you had been standing from your table to go to the bathroom, and the next you had been falling into the arms of colin where he had been sat at the next table.
while jamie had been up to try and catch you when he saw you stumbling, he hadn't been able to get there quick enough and you were thankful the room was full of fit footballers with quick reflexes who could catch you.
but you were less concerned about the scene you had just made as opposed to the throbbing in your ankle.
" y' alright, babe ?" jamie questioned as he came to stand beside you, his face full of concern that warmed your heart slightly.
" yeah, 'm fine. thanks colin " if he hadn't caught you, you probably would've caused a bigger scene than you already had.
when you tried to stand on both feet on your own, you almost crumbled again and this time it was jamie's arms that wrapped around you to prevent you from falling to the floor.
he helped you sit yourself back in your chair and you could feel almost every pair of eyes in the restaurant on you, but the only set you could focus on was jamie's as he knelt down infront of you.
you knew it was impossible to hide anything from your boyfriend. he could read you like a book even if you tried to hide it. something that only made it worse.
his hands grazed your ankle as he pulled your shoe off, at which you couldn't help but wince.
the sight of it wasnt much better. you weren't sure how it had become so inflamed and red in less than a minute, but it had.
the sight even made jamie wince, and that was never a good sign.
" think y've sprained your ankle, baby. must've caught it on the table when you got up "
his fingertips were delicate against the skin of your ankle but that didn't stop the furrow of pain that showed up between your brows.
" think 've gotta get you home, sweetheart. get some ice on this "
he stood from the floor, keeping your shoe in his hand because he didnt want to see you pained as he tried to put it back on.
he offered his hands out to pull you up from the seat, noticing the way you only put one foot down on the ground.
he helped you hobble out of the restaurant, thanking sam profusely for even inviting you and apologising for having to leave.
the moment you were outside jamie stopped walking and turned to you.
" cars parked two streets down, love " he explained, eliciting a groan from you.
but that feeling of dread was short-lived as you felt jamie's arm around your back and the other behind your knees.
your arms looped around his neck out of pure instinct and before you knew it, jamie was carrying you bridal style towards the car.
" didnt want to embarrass ya infront of the boys " he answered the question you hadn't even asked yet.
you had no response. well, no verbal response. instead, you pressed a kiss onto his cheek and rested your head down against his shoulder, making a mental note to make him breakfast tomorrow morning.
if you could get out of bed without his help.
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halarealmadridd · 5 months ago
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your touch
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pairing. jude bellingham x reader genre. angst to fluff warnings. fighting, cursing request. Hii i love ur work, can you write something about jude and you getting into a really really big argument, it's about him letting other fans/or girls kiss his cheek or something for a photo and him doing nothing about it, And so you two dont talk for 2-3 days, and you guys live in the same house, he didnt even try to apologise and he thinks hes right, But after a week or smth he noticed he missed your touch and other things so he apologized by writing a big big letter for when you wake up, since he has practice early in the morning and you still sleep author’s note. this request is so good! thank you sm lovely i hope you enjoy 🩵
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you had no problem with jude giving out hugs, handshakes or something along the lines of those, but kissing is where you drew the line. you couldn’t stand someone else kissing your man, and him doing nothing about it. unfortunately, that was the reality you had to face today.
chilling in your bed, you scrolled through tiktok, until you found a video with a fan kissing jude’s cheek for a picture. the worst thing happened when you checked the comments. they were full of people saying that they shared the same experience, jude kissing their cheek. you were already fuming, but the attitude of those girls was your last straw.
storming out of the room, you were met with a confused boyfriend stating at you with adorable puppy eyes. they almost make you give in, but you refused.
“jude, what the fuck is this” you angrily exclaimed, while shoving the phone in his face to make sure he sees the video.
“that’s just what they asked for, no feelings involved” jude explained, gobbling down a tube of cookie dough ice cream.
“no feelings involved? do you think i give a fuck about that? you let astral stranger kiss you?” you roared, making him furrow his eyebrows.
“baby calm down, this is nothing serious”
“nothing serious? we have talked about this earlier, i said i don’t want anyone kissing you in any form” you shouted, tears brimming your eyes.
the audacity jude had to just laugh at you and continue eating the ice cream made you furious.
you rushed to the bedroom, covering yourself in blankets, curling into a ball, sobbing your heart out. you thought that when jude heard you cry, he would come looking for you, but no, he stayed there, sitting on the couch, eating the last piece of his ice cream.
you ended up crying yourself to sleep. the next morning you woke up to an empty cold bed. you figured jude was sleeping on the couch.
the next few days went over with neither of you speaking to each other, because apparently in jude’s mind, he was in the right. jude could be a silly person sometimes, but this was just a whole different level of silliness that he had never shown yet.
finally jude came back to his senses and decided to write a full A4 page letter, apologising for his actions. he also placed a bouquet of flowers and candies beside it, in hopes to cheer you up. eventually he left for training, leaving you in the house alone.
when you woke up, you made a bee-line towards the kitchen to make breakfast, but instead of thinking about breakfast, big letter caught your eye.
tears rolled down your face while reading the letter due to the sincerity of it. you wiped your tears and waited for jude to come home.
after a good wait, you heard the familiar sound of the door unlocking. you raced to the door, and jumped into jude’s arms. his face had a tint of confusion painted on it, but it later turned into a big grin.
“whoa, i missed you too” jude whispered into your hair, letting you down.
you placed a kiss onto jude’s lips, and guided him to the kitchen, where you had prepared some pancakes for him.
after gobbling down the pancakes, you and jude popped down onto the couch and started watching your favourite show. however, the show was long forgotten, as you guys ended up just cuddling each other to sleep.
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highonmarvel · 2 months ago
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heyy lov ur fics. saw you wanted some bucky recs so i got one. how about like bucky and reader have been dating for 2-3 months and he's always sweet to her and always making sure she was happy. he even promised to get rid of almost all of his weapons. but then he secretly didnt. he still had them, for "saftey purposes" he couldnt let anything happen to u. so he kept them in a secret room along with some pictures of u he took when he was observing(stalking) you before he entered into ur life -P1
that’s actually such a scary idea, i love it. okay, okay, you had a lot so apologises if it’s a bit different than you were expecting, but i tried, and i had fun! let me know if you like it! and my sweet sister @thehydraethereal, tell me what you think.
The Sun
Bucky Barnes: Bucky’s world revolves around you, The Sun, his sunshine, and he’ll do just about anything to make you happy, but everything to keep you safe.
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CONTENT WARNING: This is a dark fic, please read content warnings here! 18+!
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You’ve always been more of a glass half-full type of person, but with Bucky, you’ve really turned into a ray of sunshine—he just brings that out in you, treating you as precious as every breath he takes and as vital to life as the Sun itself. He said that to you once, when you asked why he calls you sunshine while laying your head in his lap, smiling in bliss as he stroked your hair. He said, “My world revolves around you.”
Even after three months, he still treats you with the same respect and gentleness and love and patience as that very first day, if not even more. There was only once you two had had a serious disagreement—it wasn’t really an argument, no one was angry, but it certainly could’ve been a massive dealbreaker for you.
Bucky never spoke much of his childhood, his teenage years, or even his adult ones, he only really went three years into the past, max, but you had pieced together he’s been through a lot, and so you never pushed him, but you made sure to make it clear you’d be there for him if and when he was ready to talk about it. There was a lot he did that showed you he was a war vet, and that as reluctant as he may be to admit it, he was suffering from some form of PTSD—he doesn’t like watching espionage films, or even movies with too much violence (which you don’t mind skipping, you don’t care too much for them either way), he’s sensitive to loud noises and a few times he’s jolted you out of your slumber with his nightmares, but he claims they’re much better with you than before. The metal arm also fascinated you—he said it’s made of vibranium, and you frowned at the thought of why he would need such a strong arm, but that you managed to get used to. What you couldn’t get used to, however, was his weaponry.
You had been sitting on the couch together when there was a thud from the next room over, and Bucky jumped up, soldier stance and everything, ready to go check it out. You were about to assure him it was nothing, tell him you forgot to close a window and a breeze probably knocked something over, when he slid a knife out of his boot and your breath caught in your throat. You followed the silver glint with your eyes as he stalked around the corner and then disappeared for a few moments.
“Birdie slammed against the window,” he said, relieved with a small smile, and you could hardly believe the juxtaposition between his use of the term ‘birdie’ while he held a knife securely in his hand. When you didn’t respond, staring at him with wide eyes, his brows turned downward in show of concern, and his voice came sincerely, “What’s wrong, sweetheart? It was nothing.” He incorrectly assumed the noise had scared you, but quickly came to understand when he noticed your gaze fixed on the knife.
“This?” he asked, casually, spinning the knife on his finger, but when you jumped back, he quickly hid it behind his back and cast his head downward in shame. He hadn’t meant to scare you, and though he felt bad, he couldn’t help but feel a little offended you’d think his arsenal was something to be afraid of. He’d never lay a hand on you, let alone a tool, why were you scared? Did you not trust him? He only kept this stuff to keep you safe. And besides, you knew about his slight paranoia with defence, so why did this catch you off guard? Sure, maybe the knife in the boot was a little too much for you to handle, but you seemed to take more issue with its existence rather than his convenient hiding.
“Sorry,” he mumbled an apology, managing to look up at you. “I didn’t mean to scare you, just had to make sure everything was alright.” He offered a weak smile in hopes of setting you at ease, but it faded when you stood up to confront him, shaking slightly.
“Why do you have a knife?” you asked in horror, voice raising in pitch. “What— do you just— do you just always have that on you?”
It’s the knife you’re worried about. Darling, if you knew the half of it.
“Protection,” he answered simply, innocently, not understanding your reaction.
“What— what else do you have? And— and in your house? You have to get rid of it!”
At any other time he would have pushed back on this (gently, of course), but in your frantic state he knew it wouldn’t serve either of you very well. He really hadn’t expected you to start hyperventilating about it. He switched to soothing you, holding you in his arms and promising he would get rid of all that, that you could feel safe… even though in his mind, his weapons were to make you feel safe, to keep you safe.
There’s a cupboard in Bucky’s house that’s always locked, and he tells you it’s just tools and some clutter he needs to clear out. But what you don’t know is he’s still got his shit in there. In any other circumstance, he would do anything you asked of him, but in this case, he got the impression you didn’t understand, that you were a little naïve when it came to this sort of stuff, like you’d always been sheltered and protected in a way that never needed violence. But he knows what the real world is like, and he knows what he’s got to do to keep you safe.
That was a few months ago. Now, trying to watch a film from the 40s—something with Jimmy Stewart, to grant Bucky a little nostalgia and tick another movie off your cinephile list—you both doze off, but you wake up before him. He usually wakes up earlier than you and falls asleep later, so you rarely see him asleep, only once you had to wake him up from the vivid nightmare, but here, now, he’s peaceful—his eyes are shut, his breathing is steady, his muscles aren’t tensed, this is the first time you’ve seen him lose himself to unconsciousness, and your heart swells at the realisation he feels safe enough to be so vulnerable around you.
As much as you would have loved to watch him breathe, after all the snacks you ate during the movie, your hands are sticky and you can’t really fall back asleep without washing them. On the way to the bathroom, you pause just before the door. The cupboard Bucky keeps his tools in is slightly ajar, it’s always been locked. And you’re not sure what compels you to head over to the door, but you carefully open it, wincing when it creaks slightly, before gasping at the scene.
He said he’d get rid of them! Not only are there multiple sharp blades of varying lengths, there’s more ammo that you could ever imagine needing, pistols, and a shotgun on the wall, you’re pretty sure you spot a fucking grenade, but maybe most terrifyingly is a mask. If this really was for safety (you’re really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here) why the fuck did he have a mask? Like he was hiding behind it. He wouldn’t need to hide his identity from an intruder, he’d only need to if he was trying not to get caught if he was doing something wrong, if he was—
Bucky drops the bat to catch you before you hit the ground, wincing at the sight of your limp body in his arms. Fuck, he had stuck up a few more pictures of you earlier that day, and clearly forgot to lock the closet. The guilt from hurting you is enough to make him sick, but he’s got to figure out how to savage this.
If he just sets you right back on the couch and puts on some kind of thriller movie, you’ll think it was a dream when you wake up again, right? That your subconscious mind was taking in what was playing on the TV and affecting your sleep. That makes sense, that makes perfect sense, and that’s for you to figure out on your own; he won’t need to explain it or answer questions because really all it was was a bad dream, and he knows about those, you know he has experience with them, you’ll believe him when he tells you how real they can feel—you’ve seen it—and trust that everything’s alright, and he’s good to keep you safe.
After an hour, you begin to stir, and he redirects his gaze from being hyper focused on you to watching the film intently, though this far in he doesn’t know anything about the plot and hopes you don’t ask too many questions about it.
When he hears your quiet moans indicating you’re awake now, and feels your stretch beside him, he looks back at you. “Mornin’, Sunshine,” he teases, hoping you’ll giggle and say something about not realising it was dark outside. But you don’t, instead you startle and recoil back slightly, eyeing him suspiciously.
He forces his brows to furrow in confusion as he sets his half empty bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table. He tries to shift towards you but when you shift back, he sighs and stays in place.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asks in a low voice, his tone sincere and soothing. But he can tell you don’t buy it.
“You said you’d get rid of them!” you yell, and he winces slightly—you’ve never raised your voice at him, and if you’re this worked up over it it might take him a little more patience than anticipated to do some damage control.
“Get rid of what?” he asks. The best thing to do here is just play dumb.
“Your— your weapons! There’s— there’s so many of them, you said you’d get rid of them!”
“Baby, baby, baby,” he coos when you start breathing heavily, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. “You just had a bad dream, okay? It’s alright…”
“No!” you shriek, kicking him away from you. “In the— in the closet!”
“What closet?”
“The— the one with the tools!”
“There’s nothing in there, sweetheart.”
“Then open it.”
He freezes for a second—he hadn’t expected you to ask that. “I don’t— I don’t know where the key is.” Fuck. He’s fucked. He knew it from the moment he hesitated, and his stuttering further solidified his guilt in your mind. His eyes grew just a little wider as he waited for you to respond, hardly breathing. You can read him like an open book, and he knows he can’t backtrack the few small ticks that set you on the scent.
You narrow your eyes suspiciously at him for a moment, but blink, and then nod, slowing your breaths down and directing your stare to the floor. “Alright,” you say, and Bucky himself can’t help but sigh in relief.
“I’m sorry you had a bad dream,” he coos as he shifts closer to you, and this time, you don’t shift away. He puts his arms around you and comfortingly rubs your shoulder, resting his head on top of yours.
You don’t buy it for a second.
That’s way too specific a dream for you to have months after even thinking about that stuff, and you’re not fucking stupid, you can tell what’s real and what’s not, and that was real. But for the time being, it seems easier to appease him. Maybe you really did imagine it… you doubt it, though, especially when Bucky’s body went rigid in response to your request. Even if you didn’t see what you thought you did, he’s definitely hiding something in that closet.
His phone rings, and he sighs, apologising as he carefully unwraps himself from you, reaching into his pocket to answer the phone as he stands up. “Hello?” There’s a few quick and low words from whoever’s on the other end and the groan he lets out allows you to guess it’s something Avengers-related. Though he isn’t an Avenger anymore (he gave up all violence, even in the name of justice) Sam does occasionally call him up to ask for advice on espionage matters or blueprints or just his thoughts on whatever’s going on.
“I’ve got to run, sweetheart; Sam’s being an asshole and I need to do some damage control,” he chuckles, and looks back down at you hesitantly, waiting for a response of some kind, but you’re quiet, arms crossed over your chest, slouched on the couch and looking at the floor, almost petulant but more… pensive. And that worries him.
“I can— I can stay if you want me to—”
“No,” you answer so casually it’s like something in him shatters. Sure, you’re not always grovelling at his feet when he opens the door but you’ve never been so nonchalant about him leaving to go take care of stuff. Even if it wasn’t all that sincere, you’d still make a little scene out of missing him so much. “I’ll see you later.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but quickly shuts it, pressing his lips into a thin line as he nods, and then sighs.
He can’t leave you alone here: you’ll either run the second you can or hurt yourself trying to figure out how to get the cupboard open again. In both cases he won't be able to keep you safe, you’ll get hurt. But you’re also not yourself right now, and he doesn’t want to come on too strong and risk scaring you off for good. Not that he’d ever let you get away.
So he leaves, locks the door, but doesn’t get in his car. Usually he would grant that you’d be able to see the red flag there but you seem hyper focused on getting to his shit and he surmises he can get away with it. Between the tall plants covering his windows, he can just about make you out, sitting completely still on the couch for a few moments, it’s like you’re not even breathing. He subconsciously finds himself holding his breath as well—Are you waiting for him to start the car? Have you noticed he didn’t take his wallet?—narrowing his eyes at you, trying to anticipate your next move.
60 seconds, and you jump up.
***
You take a very quick look around the lounge, just to really make sure he left, and with no sign of him, you start off down the corridor again to his cupboard. It’s locked, and you know better than to even try to look for the key. But you have to do something: how could you live with yourself knowing that either you’d have broken up with your seemingly perfect boyfriend for no reason at all, or ever feel at peace again when there’s this heavy suspicion just hanging there?
You don’t know how you ever learnt it but you pull a pin from your hair and unfold it, closing one eye and sticking your tongue out slightly as you wriggle it around in the key slot, muttering “Please, please, please, please, please” to yourself over and over as you strain to hear for the clicks. One, two, three clicks and it opens! And you have no idea how you did it but it’s done now. You quickly open the door and gasp. You really shouldn’t be surprised—you know it wasn’t a dream—but the double confirmation really takes the wind out of you, and you feel betrayed. He lied to you, why did he lie to you? But there’s something else you didn’t notice before. On the inside of the door, polaroids of you that you know are before you met him are hung up haphazardly with messy tape—and they’re pictures of you doing mundane tasks, your everyday life. With shaking hands, you reach towards one that you’re afraid is of you in the shower, tears collecting on your lashes. As you reach for it, your elbow hits a shotgun and it falls and fires.
You scream as you jump back, and away from the door, you come face to face with Bucky at the end of the hallway, looking horrified as if it’s you who’s doing what you’re not supposed to.
Why the fuck is this thing even loaded if it’s just sitting around? These are assault rifles and deadly tools just at the ready, all the time.
Bucky carefully calls your name, and you turn on your heel and sprint towards the bedroom door at the opposite end of the corridor, but he catches up to you way too easily. He grabs you and slams your head against the doorway, causing you to black out and fall to the floor.
***
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck! How was he so careless not once but twice? What if you’d gotten seriously hurt or even killed? And he’s mad at himself but he can’t help but feel mad at you, too. Why didn’t you just leave it alone? Sure, he fucked up by forgetting to lock it but why on Earth did you push for it? It was locked this time, why were you so obsessed with this!?
He takes a few deep breaths to stop himself from launching into a panic attack. He can fix this, it’s fine, you just need a bit of time to calm down, but he has a feeling if you took a relationship ‘break’ he’d never find you again. So you can’t leave, you just need to be somewhere safe.
Bucky’s basement is hardly even a room—that’s why he keeps his weapons upstairs, and so that they’re always there when he needs them. It’s small, but big enough for a few shelves and a twin-sized mattress, it’s more a very temporary storm shelter—or a panic room, to a weaker person. There aren’t any windows, and so the thought of getting you situated there for an indefinite amount of time isn’t pleasant. He always gets up before you, and, yes, part of that is nature, and part of it is his awe for your peaceful sleeping form, a level of serenity in darkness he’s not sure he’d ever be able to achieve. The sun peaks in through the curtains and lightly bronzes your skin for a few minutes until you stir and wake up to him beside you, pure adoration in his eyes. And every morning, he knows he’d give up the light of day forever if he could only wake up next to you one more time.
***
You grimace as you wake up, feeling uncomfortable—the room feels somehow cold yet stuffy, and the mattress you’re laying on feels scruffy and a little old. You toss and turn a few times before you realise that this is real. When the thought hits, you rip your eyes open, shooting upright to scan your surroundings while your breathing gets heavier and heavier.
Your eyes land on Bucky sitting at the bottom of the stairs with a book in one hand, his metal one mindlessly twirling a thick chain between his fingers, tightening and loosening it. To test, you tug on your leg and he automatically grips tighter to the restraint, even before noticing you’re up.
“Hey, sweetheart…” he coos, setting his book down and letting go of the chain. He crouches down and sits at the bottom of the mattress, coaxing you with soothing rubs on your shin like you’re a mental patient or a wild animal, unpredictable. “How’re you feeling?”
How are you feeling? How are you feeling?
“Are you out of your mind!?” you shriek, and kick at him—it doesn’t hurt him, but he does raise his palm from your leg. Dropping his voice to a sweeter tone, he tries to calm you down. “You’re alright, you’re safe, everything’s okay, baby.”
He reaches out a hand to stroke your face but you slap it away, looking up at him with wild eyes and messy hair, you let your tone drop to a dangerous low as you warn, “Don’t… touch me.”
He gives a disappointed sigh but eventually tuts to himself in agreement. You just need to get this out of your system, it’ll be fine.
But it’s not. It’s not fine, and it’s taking a toll on him. You’ve never been like this before, so angry and irrational and erratic and unpredictable, but that’s not what he minds. He can deal with you throwing insults his way, swinging at him (in vain, of course) or resorting to silence, but what really starts to tick him off is when you refuse to eat. He let it slide the first day, tried to play it cool and just left the tray down for you, but he went upstairs and nervously paced back and forth until the morning. When he came down with breakfast, he discovered you hadn’t so much as touched your meal, not even the tray itself, and though he asked you in an even tone to eat something (and got nothing but silence in return) it was worrying him, he nearly wanted to plead with you, but he knew if he cracked you’d see a weak spot and keep ramming it until you get your way, and he can’t have that.
It’s the third day now, and he finally decides he needs to feed you. He sits down in front of you and pulls the tray towards him, scooping up some rice on a plastic spoon. He holds the food to your lips but you keep them shut tight, even when he gently pokes your mouth a few times. He’s sure you can see the stress you’re causing him: he’s hardly sleeping, as shown by the bags under his eyes, and he can’t even go for a jog to clear his head in case you do something crazy while he’s gone. With a deep breath, he sets the spoon down and leans back, considering his next move. Maybe you’d drink a smoothie. Not ideal but better than nothing.
“Alright,” he huffs as he stands up. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna make you a smoothie.”
He’s only just turned his back when he hears clattering, and when he looks back to you, you’ve got fury etched onto your features and the food he so carefully and lovingly prepared for you is strewn across the floor.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” he bellows, and backhands you, sending you to the floor. With your mouth agape, you clutch your cheek and look up at him in shock. He’s never even raised his voice at you, let alone yelled, let alone lay a finger on you. “Just fucking listen to me! Eat!” He kicks the tray further back and you startle, paralysed by pure shock.
He takes a deep breath in, and a long huff out, clenching his fists at his sides. His blue eyes you had once thought of as calm oceans are ablaze, he’s shaking with anger, and his voice quivers as he tries to speak in a level tone to you. “I… am going to make you a smoothie, and you are going to drink it, or you’ll never see the sun again.”
When he slams the door shut behind him, you finally allow tears to fall. You don’t know what that threat means—will he never let you out? Will he kill you? At first you didn’t think so, even when he held you down as you screamed and kicked, but you never thought he’d hit you either, you never thought he was capable of such rage, and though he kept it relatively under control, you saw what that was. It wasn’t just ire, it was like flames licked his entire being, engulfing him and lighting him up. While you thought of him as your Sun, now, that was for a different reason—now, he feels like the actuality of the star: unpredictable and unbearably dangerous, but… necessary for survival, and inescapable.
[my beloved taglist; @cowboysnbugs, @buckys-wintersoldier, @keito-123, @vogueprincess, @cjand10]
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smolweeblets · 7 months ago
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𝐒/𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬:
Featuring headcanons for Karlach, Lae'zel, Shadowheart, and Minthara.
Karlach: 
You two lay in Karlachs tent, winding down for the day. She lay on her back while you were cuddled closely to her side, your head resting just on top of her shoulder.   Her eyes are shut in bliss. She absolutely could stay like this forever, she thinks. Youre so soft, so warm, so cute and so… 
… Sharp? 
She opens her eyes to see you with a portion of the exposed skin on her chest between your teeth. It didnt hurt at all, but it did cause her to curiously raise a brow.
You immediately latch off and apologise, explaining your little quirk. 
“Awh soldier, that is adorable! Youre like lil cat!”
*Cue suffocating her with a pillow*
You scowl and turn to tuck your head into her shoulder. 
“Awwe, its okay love, you can bite me all you want, its cute!” 
Lae’zel: 
It was one of the rare nights Lae’zel indulges you with cuddles and a surge of raw emotion from the sheer domesticity you felt took over you. Unfortunately, the easiest outlet proved to be your teeth clamping down gently onto the thick skin of Lae’zels bicep. 
She immediately moves away and assumes a defensive stance–rather, the best she could do while still laying on the floor. 
You profusely apologise and explain what you were doing.
“Chk. I almost thought that lousy vampire had turned you into one of his.” 
After thorough reassurance, she seemed to trust that you were in fact, not a vampire and didnt want to drain her dry. Not that you could, even if you tried.
“I suggest issuing a warning before making another attempt in the future. I would not want to endanger you. Peculiar habits aside.” 
Shadowheart:
Shadowheart played with your hair as you were splayed on top of her, the pressure on her body serving as a soothing reprieve from her own mind. 
She just shut her eyes and was about to nod off until she feels you shift. And then feels the sharp pain of your teeth on her shoulder.
She opens her eyes and is met with your own widened in shock. 
You look at her guiltily and stumble through an apology before starting to slide off of her in fear of her being mad at you.
She grabs you and scoffs. “Stay. A little nibble is hardly cause for me to want you to leave.” 
Minthara:
Minthara enjoyed having you like this. Your head resting on her lap as she read a book she stole from some poor merchant.
You look up and see her hands. The way they held the book from your angle seemed all too enticing…
Of course, you end up snapping at them only to immediately let go and apologise.
Minthara sneered. “Pathetic. If you must bite, there's no reason you should be holding back. You must always commit. Tender moment or otherwise.” 
She wears your bitemarks like badges of honor.
A/n: Im proud of the dialogue. I think I captured them well. This fits really well as a Durge reader but I just wrote this as a self insert for my weird bitey tendencies
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hearts4mica · 20 days ago
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Batfam x Telepath Batsib Reader! (Request)
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Batsib!Reader was born with telepathic powers
(or that’s what they thought) since they never met their parents because their parents were afraid of what would happen and they decided to leave BatsibReader to figure it out on themselves.
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
September 1st 2001
You woke up normally as any other day in your boring life. You lazily stretch out of bed and grabbed your cup of water. You sit down thinking of your life choices then- “3,2,1”
Suddenly Dick your big brother bursts through the door.
“Morning birdie! Excited for your first day of school?” He said in an excited tone as he started trashing your closet looking for- a coloring book?
“What are you looking for?” You ask plainly even though you already know it because duh powers.
“Nothingg” He answered quickly and left the room. Does he think im dumb?
anyways you don’t care so you just stood up grabbed your clothes and went to the bathroom
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
Anyways now im here eating breakfast with these idiots i call brothers and Alfred!
“So…excited for your first day?” Tim asks. No i’m not.
“Why are yall acting as if it’s my first day in kindergarten its just Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters a place where everyone is like me” you continue eating your food normally
“Just ignore Drake he is dumb. And Grayson is just excited that you are starting in a new school with new people” Damian says while sitting down on the chair.
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
This place was made for people like me.
As your walking around this place you cant help but notice that this place feels welcoming.
“Hello are you new here?” An unkown voice asks you.
You turn around and look at this new person
“Yes i am who are you?” “I am Professor Charles Xavier i run this place.” Oh so he is the famous Charles Xavier? Good to know
“Well it was nice to meet you professor Charles but i have to go to my classes.”
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
Now im in my first class sitting beside a dude called “Angel”? Well atleast thats what i think since thats whats in his head-
“Hey” this angel dude looks at you
You just blankly stare at him
He continues looking at you but as he sees that you arent answering he continues.
“Ahem… i didnt catch your name?” What the-
“I didnt throw it” This dude
He continues “My name is Warren Kenneth Worthington III” long ass name
“I am Reader! Wayne”
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
The school day finally ends and now you’re waiting for Alfred to pick you up.
You see the car park infront of you so you get in and Damian is inside
“Hello Dami” you give him a side hug as you sit down “Hello Alfred”
“Hello young Master/Miss” Alfred greets you happily
“Hello sister. How was your first day at school?” Damian asks you blankly
“It was…good? I guess.”
“Well young Master/Miss prepare yourself since Master Dick is excited and he’s gonna ask you a bunch of questions when we get back to the manor” Alfred says
“Yeah i kinda imagined it”
Maybe a new school isnt that bad after all?
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
A/N
Thanks for reading! I apologise if its not that good since its my first time writing a fanfic!
A special thanks for the person that requested this for me i hope you enjoyeed!
Requests are open!
•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•
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hel1nn · 2 months ago
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And suddenly everything changed ೀ⋆。
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Ch.2 a date before marriage? Previous:3 next.
𐔌 . ⋮ satoru gojo x fem zenin!reader .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ : Listen to kingston while reading ⭑.ᐟ
୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ : fluffyy | 18+ smut mdni | eventual smut | arranged marriage | reader is 22 and gojo is 25 | reader had a lonely life untill satoru came | abuse (gojo did nothing here.) | trauma | sprinkles of angsts | jealousy | flashbakes | soft!satoru | soft!reader | loss of virginity | self harm | first time falling in love | reader has two sisters. | Reader belongs to zenin clan. | Idiots to lovers | reader doesn't find satoru annoying since she was alone her whole life. | Insecurities | 𖦹ׂ ₊˚⊹⋆
౨ৎ Summery : spending your whole life with feeling of being useless and a waste of space,even worse that your two sisters had cursed energy but you didn't, made you wanted to kill yourself so many times but it stopped when a marriage proposal was sented to gojo clan about marrying you or one of your two sisters. Your sisters were so powerful and beauty with brain so why did satoru gojo choosed you? Moodboard | series masterlist
A/N : IDK WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS AND SORRY IF I MADE MISTAKES ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE.
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Few days has been passed since you met satoru. You can't help but think about him almost every night. Today when you woke up your one of your sister came up to you saying that satoru wants to talk with you, now here you are talking with him on your fathers phone. You locked your room's door for now.
"may i know...what do you wanna talk about"
You said to satori whos behind the screen. You could here a soft chuckle before he spoke
"is there any problem with me talking with my future wife"
"..."
Your face started to heat up..he was already calling you his future wife. Slightly freaking out you nervously answer,cheeks tinted in light pink
"n-no no its not like that listen-'
"no need to freak out i am not maddd" you don't know why but you could literally hear the pout on his lips from the phone,you slump down sighing
"i mean...i thought you'd get disappointed slightly.." you mumble to the phone "but please tell me if you need something.."
"sneak out of your estate at 5:30 I'll come to pick you up"
You stare at the screen dumb founded, before you could say anything he started to speak again
"no excuses i want to see you waiting for me in the nearby park"
The call ended with a click , your eyes shot up in realization. He wants you to sneak out of your clan and meet him...welll. you were anxious why did he wanted to meet you today. Does he wants end this marriage- nope. He wouldn't want to see you for that at least thats what you thought. Your brain not working for a damn minute. ..you don't even have your own clothes that you could wear on special occasions,all the clothes you have were what you wear in your house and nothing more...
── .✦
You managed to sneak out of your estate since no one really checked up on you. Waiting for satoru to come. You don't know what to say about your outfit..you just put a hoodie and pants on. Thats all you got you don't care how you look like right now. You stood there waiting for satoru,from looking around you could tell its already passed 5:30 or something, just to see a black car stop Infront of you. There satoru came out of the car,he was wearing a long coat with turtle neck sweater,black slacks and men's boots. This time there are fancy shades resting on the bridge of his nose, letting you see his blue irises,they were just as bright as the stars you gazed at nights. Satoru smiled seeing you stare at him, snapping his fingers Infront of your face. You stare dumbfounded at him,as realization hits you that how close you two were you take a step back,your face heating up in embarrassment "s-sorry i didnt meant to stare at you like a creep-" you start to apologise for staring at him for too long but ut was too late.
"don't be sorry i know you like what you see right neowwww" satoru teased, laughing softly. He lets you have your personal space. You looked away shyly. Not knowing what to and then the important question pops up in your mind.
"uhm so...why did you wanted me to sneak out of my..place.."
"i am gonna take you out with me."
You stare at satoru dumbfounded for the who knows how many time...he wants to take you out with him sneakily..? He could just tell your father and take you out with him but why like this?
"you know..you could just ask my dad that you want to take me out with you.." you trail of, giving him a small smile just to remind him you don't want to sound rude.
"but its way more fun like this.." satoru chimes, already pulling you with him in the car,you try to say something but thennn you were in satorus car, sitting on the passenger seat.
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You just let yourself have some fun, cause nothing was wrong with it. No one really checks up on you so you didn't had to worry about anything happening in your place. The silence was somehow comfortable,you don't know. But then satoru breaks it.
"oh..i forgot to take your number.." satoru said, his hand already offering his phone to you so you could save your number in it.
"actually i don't have a phone.." you mumble and satoru hears it immediately. You didn't really needed a mobile phone since your used to spend your life while watching all this drama. Your dad didn't bothered to get you one too. Satoru was slightly surprised,but then he chuckles
"no problem" you didn't know what he was thinking again,but you knew there would be something by seeing his little smile. And you were completely RIGHT. satoru stopped his car Infront of a shopping mall. Satoru is a little bit too much kind to you. You think since everyone always told you that being kind to you is as hard as a rock. But satoru is being kind to you as if it was never hard...like everyone told you. Satoru's big hand grabs yours again, you had never held any men's hand like this until today. Satoru's hands were warm. You try to say something like where are we going but satoru shuts you up with a playfull remark. You don't know when but a small smile appeared on your lips. Satoru took you to every shop you landed a eye on. You protested that you don't need clothes or some things this much but didn't listened to you. Making you both ending carrying bags of things he gifted you. But a thing was still left. Buying you a phone that you didn't asked for. But he will get you right now anyway. Now here you are, standing Infront a fancy restaurant after a dinner with satoru, where no one took you to. You stooe there with a new phone in your hand...like it was really your phone.. a smiling satoru standing Infront of you.
"i don't need this gojo-"
"satoru." He corrected and you broke into a small smile. Shaking your bead gently
"satoru...i don't really need a phone"
"but you wouldn't be able to talk to if you don't have a phone.." oh. You finally accepted the phone so you could talk with satoru when you're home. The ride to your estate was full of you smiling. You don't remember when you were this much happy last time. His warm hand held yours,long fingers tracing the scars on your wrists. You let him do that because it was comforting. A warm gesture from him. When both of you arrived there wqs horror painted on your face. Where are you going to keep all the things satoru gave you today..?
"g- satoru..." You mumble, tugging at his pinky,he looks at you with a smile, majestic as always. You blush slightly but continue
"can you keep these things? I'll do something about it later i guess-"
"no need to worry, I'll keep these things and after our wedding I'll buy you a closet." Satoru's fingers gently squeezed your cheek. You sigh. A red hue coming up from your neck. that night satoru teleported you too your room. Your phone already has his number in it. Leaving you for Tonight again but with a warmth inside your chest again.
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Taglist : @chilichopsticks @milolop @kuroosvow @bypanana @hoseokslefteyebrow @sorcerersseestars @ssetsuka @megumisthirdog @certainduckanchor @myahfig4 @officialholyagua and idk why i can't tag @deliciouslydeliciouspenguin :(
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myabsurddreamjournal · 1 year ago
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Fate
(part 1)
Soldier Boy x Fem! reader
Summary: Reader is a scientist who is forced to work at lab that they keep soldier boy frozen, she talks and cries to him when she is alone, thinking he can't hear her but he hears everything.
warnings: None, im a ace so my character and story is going to be asexual💜
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she slowly approached to cryo where they kept him frozen. it has been a while since she had a opportunity to do this. Since she was taken here they always kept an eye on her, watching every move, punishing any sign of disobedience. It didnt take long for her to learn to be silent, be obedient. scar on her arm reminded her to keep her mouth shut every time she wanted to question something they do. She still remembered the pain. It was her second week here, and she made a mistake of asking why they kept him frozen for almost 40 years. She got the scar for her mistake. The sound of her bone breaking... She could still hear it.
Teardrops started to fall from her eyes as she opened the door of cryo, whenever she was alone she was crying now. It almost became a ritual, sitting on floor with her head hanging low while confessing and apologising to him. Who looked like a statue of a almighty god.
"Hello Ben" she opened her mouth. It made her feel weird hearing her voice saying something other than "yes", or "sir"
"its september 19 today, your birthday isn't it?" she was crying harder now. "i read your file other day. It says you had a rough childhood, me too you know, and now we are both prisoners here. What a fate huh?" she looked at his face as she said that. He looked pale, too pale for human. Well he was in this damn lab for almost 40 years...but deep down she liked the thought of him being something other than a human. Humans always hurted her after all.
After watching the torture tapes she learned he experienced pain and anger just like her. (she threw up all night after seeing the tapes for the first time) he had a life once, he was a child, he had a family. favorite food, favorite drink, he even smoked weed which made her a bit shocked when she read it on the files. But in time she found out he was a lot different from what they made him seen. She saw the few unaired interviews where he acted strong and confident as usual until he was asked about his family or childhood. His eyes getting teary for few seconds, Then his hard expression getting back. His mouth twitching every time journalists made a rude remark.
She knew he was a human. But him being alive after all things human did to him told her he was also something other than human.
and it made her feel good.
"i never wanted to be here, i never wanted this, she said. "i wish i could save you. If i had a powers like you, i would burn here to the ground. And kill all of them. But im so weak. Im so sorry Ben. Im so sorry." She waited there for few minutes. Her head between her hands. Until tiny beeping sound from her watch made her flinch. Telling her it was almost midnight. She needed to get up. Too many work tomorrow. Another day as a prisoner here
She cupped his cheek before closing the door of cyro. It was so cold, but still soft. She couldn't help and kept her hand there while looking at his face. His closed eyelids, then freckles on his nose. Still remembering the first time she noticed his freckles, it was one of the days where her legs hurted for being on her feet for so long. She was taking his blood for monthly test. And she saw them. He had freckles on his nose! They were never shown in his movies or pictures, always hidden behind makeup or his green-gold mask. But they were here. She found them adorable. Never showed it of course. keeping hidden behind her cold emotionless expression.
But she often find herself thinking about him when she tried to sleep at night in "room" they gave her. what else he was hiding under all that persona? What made him happy or sad before all this happened? was it true that he never cried? She tossed and turned at night. Sometimes thinking about him and sometimes thinking about her life. The similitaries between them. Humans hurted him just like they hurted her. They stole their life. She usually fell asleep with this thoughts. And in her dreams it was always end of the World. Everything burning in flames and she watching it from distance with smile on her face.
with a deep exhale she withdrawed her hand from his cheek. "see you tomorrow Ben." she whispered. And she was gone. Not knowing that he heard every word.
that night, she dreamed of something else for the first time since she was captured. Pair of green eyes. They were looking at her. Their shade reminded her a small lake she saw everday when she was a little girl. It was on the right side of the road that she used while walking to school. She always loved the way water moved in small waves. After 2 years, for the first time, she woke up with a warm feeling that morning. it felt like gentle morning sunrise.
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irl-w0lverine · 4 months ago
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.ೃ࿐coffee orders.ೃ࿐
pairing : luke cooper x reader
Content : fluff
A/n : sorry for disappearing 😓 ive been slightly busy and havent had any ideas. I would normally stick to only ahs or twd fics but i finished the office for the billionth time and wanted to make a luke one
Not proofread!
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It was a usual day in the office, everyone around you picking up phonecalls and mindlessly typing away on their keyboards. You however weren't doing either, extremely groggy from the stormy morning and the fact that the coffee was also late didnt help due to it being the only source of energy you can get right now.
After a few minutes of continuously glancing at the door, Luke finally arrives.
"coffee monkeys here." He sighs, holding a couple trays of coffee. Everyone swarms around him like bees, groans of disappointment and frustrated complaints erupting from the huddle as everyone finds out their orders are wrong.
You slowly emerge from your chair, having a strong feeling that yours is gonna be just like everyone elses. As you take your coffee out of its tray and put it up to your lips, you notice Luke glances over at you with a small smirk, observing your moves. Why is he doing that?
Everyone starts to retreat back to their desks as you take a sip. Your eyes imediately meet his, a twinge of suprise hidden in your eyes as the taste is exactly what you asked for.
"Dont let anyone know.. They might uh... Scold me for it" He says with a small chuckle and an awkward smile.
"Holy shit, how did you remember? This is exactly what i asked for!" A small smile gracing your lips, a rare sight that barely anyone in the workplace sees.
"Yours is just a simple order, easier to remember than others" You can see how nonchalant hes trying to act, the proximity between the two of you closer than realised.
"Thank you! Im so happy i could probably kiss you or something!" It was a small gesture he had done but after the morning you had, this had made it so much better. You hadn't fully realised what you said but luke definitely did, his cheeks flushed a pink colour.
"Uh.. What?" He mumbles, making you realise what you said.
"s-.. sorry uhm... that uh... Slipped out" You cant help but feel extremely embarrassed.. But you sure weren't gonna take your words back. Despite how annoying luke sometimes is, your feelings for him are obvious to everyone in the office but him. Wether your sneaking glances at him or how your body language changes while talking to him, everyone always notices.
"oh.. Ok" His eyes avoiding yours, his tone almost.. Disappointed?
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A/n: ending on a slight cliffhanger, if this does well then ill possibly write a pt2! Kinda rushed it so i apologise for poor Writing!
Thank you for reading! <3
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chaeonlyknows · 5 months ago
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Casual - Jasper Hale
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A/N: i know that jasper would NEVER, this is just for the sake of my angsty imaginations okay? he’s a gentleman and so so inlove. how could he? just bare with me in this alternate universe okay? anyways, please tell me if you hate it lol this is my first time publishing so forgive me if its shit. i tried my best, if this doesnt work out, maybe writing isnt for me… enjoy! and thank you for reading!
also, this is inspired by chappell roan’s casual, i just love her!!
edit: just fixing my grammatical errors.
Warnings: a little angst and mentions of sex, i think there were curse words? 18+!
my friends call me a loser cause im still hanging around
“y/n? what’s wrong with you?” angela asks you, jessica has been talking on and on about her and mike, so much that you unexpectedly drown in your own thoughts about you and jasper. “she’s thinking about jasper again.” jessica says, rolling her eyes. you turn your head around to sneak a peak at the cullens. “ugh, what are you guys anyway? what? edward got bella now his brother wants to mingle with you as well? like, come on people, im losing my friends to the cullens!” jessica keeps on rambling but your mind seems to be elsewhere. bella gives you that look that says “are you okay?” and you nod, ignoring jessica’s comments, once again, getting drowned in your thoughts. “—plus i heard that he had some type of thing going on with another girl. didnt emmett and rosalie talk about that?” and suddenly, upon hearing this, you turn to jessica with the look of confusion. angela and bella noticed this and angela spoke up. much to your dismay, you were so stupid. stupid enough to actually think that jasper hale would ever like you for you.
i’ve heard so many rumours that im just a girl that you bang on your couch.
“im really sorry to be the one to tell you this, y/n..” alice says, confirming what angela has told you. “i heard that jasper brushed off the rumours of you and him by saying you were only fucking, not so much as a relationship or bond. you guys were only casual.” angela’s words never left your mind.. you try to hold back your tears and nodded at alice, you thanked her for her honesty and left immediately.
i thought you thought of me better someone you couldnt lose.
how stupid are you y/n? why? why did you let yourself fall for such an arrogant boy?? you thought to yourself whilst walking on the way home. he didnt even feel the same way, he didnt feel what i felt whenever he calls me by those weirdly lovey nicknames, he didnt feel what i felt when he kissed me on my cheek. he never did. and you were just stupid to think that he’d actually reciprocate your feelings. you kept beating yourself up for falling in love with a cullen. unfortunately, you weren’t as lucky as bella. she fell inlove with a cullen that loves her back and you fell inlove with… well… a boy.
you said “we’re not together” so now when we kiss i have anger issues.
“hi darlin’, i missed you.” jasper greets you with a kiss as he sits beside you during your shared class. you pull away quickly and he could feel the irritable emotion that you’re feeling and immediately catches this. “what’s wrong baby?” he asks you searching your eyes for clues. you dont look at him and hum in response. “nothing, jas… im fine.” you respond without looking at him. it hurts, it just hurts. but i cant let him go.
you said “baby no attachment.”
“what’s happenin’ to you y/n? i thought we were on the same page? no attachment, remember? honey?” he asks. you feel rage creeping in you, how dare he? no attachment? and then he calls you honey? “i know, jas.. sorry” you apologise, finally looking up at him “no attachment… right, i forgot.” you said bitterly. you two had argued when he picked you up for a “date”, because he tried to kiss you as if nothing happened, you brought up the fact that he was seen with another girl and he got defensive which lead to this. he kisses your cheek and promises to make it up to you.
but we’re knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out, is it casual now?
“i’ll make it up to you sweetheart” he says as he adjusts himself on his knees whilst you’re in the passenger seat. he fiddles with your skirt and underwear as his lips start tracing the inside of your thighs. his grip on your thighs are tight and you feel your climax coming down. he continues, inserting his tongue in and out of you while his other hand losens it’s grip on your thigh and rubs on your clit.
two weeks and your mom invites me to her house in long beach, is it casual now?
“hello y/n!” rosalie greets you on your way to history class which startled you and made you jump a little. “uhm… hi rosalie.” you greet her awkwardly, taken aback by her sudden kindness to you. maybe she felt pity. “i just wanted to let you know that we’re having a quick trip next week, esme wanted to let you know that she wants you to go with us.” she says as emmett walks towards you both. “yeah, esme really misses you both, jasper will be there” emmett gives you a wink which you try hard not to roll your eyes at. “i’ll think about it, i might be busy though. thanks rosalie, emett” glancing at the both of them and walking away. you definitely dont want to get caught up with jasper on a trip, with his family. remember, it’s casual.
i know what you tell your friends, it’s casual.
“jasper!” emmett calls him, “esme wanted to invite y/n over next week at the beach house, we already invited her… so… just wanted to let you know.” emmett says as he and edward smirks at this. “you invited y/n?” he asked, very much clueless. “yeah, carlisle wanted her there too, he said she was a nice girl.” edward adds. “i might not come with you guys then.” jasper states, clearly annoyed. “what’s wrong with her coming with us, jas?” emmett asks sarcastically. “oh right! you two are just casual.” edward answers the question for jasper and the two snicker at this. jasper shakes his head and walks away before they could taunt him further.
if it’s casual now, baby, get me off again.
jasper kisses you, hard. he loves doing this to you. overstimulating you. making you come, again and again, and again… he loves how you feel, clenching around him when you’re about to come. his grip gets tighter and he fucks you harder. kissing your neck, chest, everything. and after you guys are done? every praise, assurance, word that he said vanishes. discarded. once he gets his pants on again, he leaves, giving you a peck on the cheek. and that’s all.
if its casual now, if its casual now then.
it’s saturday and the girls wanted to hang out, and you decided you wanted to go with them. you guys planned a sleep over for next week and you talked about boys, movies, and prom. which you didnt know whether or not you’d be going to attend. “y/n?? y/n!” jessica basically shouts your name to get your attention. “yeah, huh?” you say cluelessly. “didnt you hear what angela said?” jessica asked, you shake your head no and angela repeats herself. “as i was saying, this boy… andrew.. what’s his last name again?” she asked the girls, “andrew jones?” bella answers. “oh right! andrew jones! anyway, he was asking me for your phone number. he wanted to ask you out!” angela tells you and her and jessica squeal in excitement. you felt weird though, going on a date while you’re with jasper? “oh come on, y/nnnnn! dont tell me that you’re thinking about that jasper again?” jessica rolls her eyes. “i am, dont you think it’ll be weird? going out with someone else while you have a —thing— with another person?” you state.
dumb love i love being stupid, dream of us in a year, maybe we’d have an apartment and you’d show me off to your friends at the pier.
“so? jasper did the same to you, with multiple girls. plus i thought you guys were clear on no attachment? remember? it’s just casual.” jessica argues. “she’s right y/n, you shouldnt settle for a casual fling.” angela agrees with her. you look at bella and she says “im with them on this one, y/n. im sorry but you have to be honest with yourself.” feeling bad for you. you nod your head and gave andrew a chance the next week.
i know “baby no attachment.” but we’re…knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out is it casual now?
jasper told you to meet him by his car because he “missed” you, and you reluctantly agreed. you couldnt stay away from him. he then opened the car door for you and same old story, he kisses you, you fight, he “makes it up to you” and you let it go, not wanting to argue any further.
two weeks and your mom invites me to her house in long beach, is it casual now?
declining the cullen’s offer, you didn’t say why or explain your reason. you just told rosalie that you couldn’t come and she understood. but, bella accidentally mentioned it to edward and alice because alice told her that you were supposed to be there with them and bella mentioned you and your date. “what?! y/n’s going on a date???” alice squealed in excitement which grabbed everyone’s attention. “who’s going on a date?” emmett asks, which made rosalie and jasper look at the three of them. as alice was about to speak, bella cuts her off by saying “no one! alice just got excited, you know..” widening her eyes at alice to contain herself. “y/n is.. you know? the y/n that jasper has a fling with?” he sneers and bella nudges him rather aggressively and he groans. “i told you not to tell them, it was supposed to be a secret!” bella whispered-semi yelled. “oh.” was all edward said and smirked at jasper who seemed a bit mad but oh well, it’s just a casual fling.
i know what you tell your friends, it’s casual..
andrew gets out of his car and knocks on your front door with flowers in hand, your dad opens the door and he gulps. “hi sir, i’m here to take your daughter, y/n, out on a date. i promise that i’ll take good care of her and bring her home before 8pm. we will just be going out, to the theatre, nothing else. we will be watching (your favourite movie) and after that, i’ll bring her straight home.” he offers your dad a smile and your dad is taken aback by this and hesitantly lets you go with him. before you leave he gives andrew a strict look and tells him “before 8.” and closes the door.
you and andrew had so much fun, he asked if he could kiss you on your cheek and you agreed. you asked him questions about himself and he answered them quite nicely and he let you speak about your interests. before escorting you to your doorstep at 7:48… he opens your car door for you. “let’s do this again sometime? i’ll see you on monday y/n.” he smiles at you and kisses your hand. he walks to his car but doesnt leave until you got inside safely. you were daydreaming about him a lot now, he was so dreamy. you thought. he was a gentleman and from what it looks like, he’s the perfect match for you. he treats you the way you want to be treated… but..
if its casual now then baby get me off again, if it’s casual…
andrew picks you up more frequently after your first date, he became your ride to school the past few days and you guys had talked back to back, jamming to your favorite songs… you never experienced this with jasper. when you both arrive, he opens the car door for you and almost everyone at school stops to look at you both. even the cullens.
“oh my god.” angela says in shock. she’s happy for you and andrew. she’s proud of herself because this was her doing.
“no way!!” jessica exclaimed. “bella are you seeing this?” she calls, the three girls smiled at you as you and andrew walk up to them.
what you didn’t notice was, jasper looking at you both. more like glaring into your souls. if he was alive, his blood would be boiling right now.
FLASHBACKS:
its hard being casual when my favourite bra lives in your dresser.
he unclips your bra while making out with you, both of you shirtless and his lips start tracing your neck and chest, he throws your favourite bra on the floor, discarding every piece of clothing you two had on. he couldnt wait to feel you again.
it’s hard being casual when im on the phone talking down your sister.
alice wanted your help on throwing a party, she called you because she was in distress about it. “i cant think properly y/n! it just seems like something is missing!” alice exaggerates as she rambles about what theme or what color she was going to use for the party.
definitely casual. you think to yourself.
i try to be the chill girl that holds her tongue and gives you space.
“it’s not fair jasper! you’ve been going out with girls, you were seen last night by MY friends! do you not know how embarrassing that is for me?” you yell at him not being able to take it anymore. “baby… baby… calm down. they were nothing. look, i dont know why you’re acting up again, i thought you agreed? casual? honey?” he reminds you.
i try to be the chill girl but honestly im not.
“what the fuck? that’s all you have to say?” you couldnt hold off your anger anymore and opened the car door and you left. jasper chased after you, “baby… come on… i’ll make it up to you, i promise.” he tries to convince you, being the pathetically inlove girl you were, you agreed.
knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out.
same old, same old. his fingers play with your skirt and adjusting your underwear so he could insert his two fingers inside you. you moan at this and he begins to fasten his fingers’ pace, making you cry out his name. he kisses your thighs and removes his hands, replacing them with his mouth.
END OF FLASHBACK!
two weeks and your mom invites me to her long beach house.
“oh hi, y/n! we weren’t expecting guests…” esme trails off, looking at you and jasper. “hi mrs. cullen, no worries, i was just passing by.” you greet her with a smile and she smiles back. “well, do you wanna maybe stay for dinner? we’re having italian..” she offers you and you look at jasper who nods at you, well.. how could you refuse? you smile at esme.
i know what you tell your friends.
“wow jasper, that was unexpected.” rosalie jokes, “what is?” jasper asks. “the way you let her stay for dinner!” emmett adds snickering at jasper. they all know that he’s falling for her. jasper ignores their comments and went up to his room, where you were sitting on a chair, with a box full of your stuff that you’ve left behind. jasper had a plan, he wanted to talk to you and make it official before andrew beats him to it. he wanted to let you know how much he cherished and needed you.. he agreed to give back your stuff, but he wasn’t giving up without a fight.
baby get me off again.
“baby, what’re you doin’ there?” he notices you checking your stuff, polaroids and letters you’ve sent to him that he never bothered to open. “nothing, jasper. just checking.” slightly cringing at the nickname. he reaches for your hand and pulls you closer to him, making you stand up. he leans closer to you and you pull away, “what are you playing at, jasper?” you ask him and you laugh at his attempt. realizing that he isnt joking, you feel annoyed. “stop. dont even start.” you spoke. “start what baby?” he asks innocently. “dont.” you said sternly. he pulls you closer and kisses you, you melt in his touch. you know that it isnt right, you know that this is not what you should want… but you cant stop.
i fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner..
(you guys didnt fuck okay, just kissed)
you got the strength to pull away and push him off. “whats wrong, darlin’?” he asks. “stop it jasper. im with andrew, i cant do this. i came here to get my stuff back and end things. i cant do this anymore.” you told him. “baby, we can talk about this.. please. i need you.” he responded. before he could do anything else, you walk away.
your parents at the table..
esme and carlisle hear you and jasper walking down and as esme was about to update you on the cooking, you bid your goodbye. “im sorry mrs. cullen, i have to take a raincheck… thankyou though.it was nice of you to think about me.” you say in a rush. carlisle and esme found this unusual. “well.. atleast bella and edward are on their way.. no food went to waste.” carlisle spoke.
you wonder why im bitter,
jasper runs after you and he pleads for you to talk to him. “baby please. i was dumb to ever think that this was only casual. i dont want this to end, please. dont go with him. i’ll treat you right, i’ll treat you better.” he says while holding onto you.
bragging to your friends i get off when you hit it,
shaking your head, you dont say anything, it seems like you’re lost for words at the moment and you break his hold on you, running to your car as fast as you can and starting it. jasper stands still, if he had a heart, it would be breaking right now. he feels regret, and heartbroken.
i hate to tell the truth but im sorry dude you didnt.
driving off, you finally felt free.
jasper on the other hand, he felt frozen in time. wondering why he took you for granted. wondering why time is such a pain.
i hate that i let this drag on so long, now i hate myself. i hate that i let this drag on so long, you can go to hell.
part two?
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lingeringdesires505 · 7 months ago
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maybe its for the best
rin itoshi x reader
angst
rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.
28 April, 10.58 p.m.
The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.
you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.
“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.
as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.
“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.
“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.
as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.
“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?
it wasnt long before rin snapped.
“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.
that was when he realised he fucked up.
his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!
“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.
you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?
“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.
“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?
“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”
you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.
you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.
that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.
present
was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.
rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.
he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.
some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.
rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.
it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.
rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.
———————————————————————————
thank you for reading!
word count: 1.2k
feel free to request!
please dont steal
@lingeringdesires505 2024
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i-cant-sing · 6 months ago
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i was just minding my business like scrolling to find new fics to read since i was so so bored and while i was finding some delicious fics (ahem ahem: yandere big brother bakugou x little sister reader) ur post suddenly idk the word (lumitaw (its a filo word)) and i was screaming and immediately dropped what i was supposed to read to read yours 😭😭😭
i got the worst memory ever to exist because i keep forgetting their names but i think i'll grasp them once the next chapter is out (hopefully) but yeaaah!!! baris reminds me of abbas in a way but ig he's a bit more.. brute yk what im talking about????? ig he's ok..
OH! and i have a theory about the painting, y/n's face getting smudged maybe because baldwin or SALAUDDIN decided to smudged it to forget how they look due to heartbroken (prob not baldwin,, but i feel like salauddin would do that ??) i guess im getting married again 😔😔 i feel like im betraying my pookie salauddin 💔💔💔🙏🙏 BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE SNOW!!!! AMAZING AS ALWAYS!! can't wait for the next one already!! 😭😭😭 i think i'll send more of my thoughts if something crosses over my mind (prob when im in the shower)
ooohh i like your theory(portrait pictures at the end). i like it a lot. expanding on it:
Baldwin would probably cause the painting to be smudged because he's kissing it, kissing your lips, drunk off his mind, tears streaming down his cheek as he spends hours sitting in front of it, talking to the painting as if u still exist, begging u to come back from heaven, even apologising for all he's done, just please- come back, angel...
Meanwhile Salauddin would probably be staring at your portrait angrily. He understands why you had to leave but.... you couldnt have told him where you were goinh? Do you not think he couldve protected you? He wouldve used his whole army, gathered Muslims from all around the world to protect you. Did you... did you not have the least bit faith in him? deep down, he knows u did this to prevent a war between him and baldwin but.... Salauddin wouldve gone to war for you. Happily. This wasnt your decision to make alone. Now, he stands in front of your portrait, he has it in his palace now, and he doesnt say voice it out like baldwin, but he has complaints. HE keeps them inside, mentally talking to you, telling you just how stupid you were for sacrificing yourself, for jumping off that stupid cliff. How u shouldve just- just asked him for help ONCE, and he wouldve fought until his last breath if it meant keeping u safe. In his mind, u sacrificed yourself to protect Baldwin from murdering innocent muslims or anyone else u wouldve seeked help from.
And now? All Salauddin can do is pray for you. He wakes up late into the night and sits on the prayer mat, making dua for you for hours, reading Quran for you, has animals slaughtered on eid on your behalf, even doing charity and hajj (pilgrimage) on your behalf, just so that you can have more good deeds in your name. He still has the chess board u gifted him, but he's stopped playing chess. He never played the game again, it was only a painful reminder of you. The one person who he could never beat.
As for your painting, why it was smudged? Salauddin didnt want anyone to see your beauty, thats why he kept the portrait hidden in his room, but then he feared that one day when he's not around anymore, someone will see you. So, he used a rag soaked in turpentine to smudge your face, but couldnt do more than just the bottom half of your face. He thought that was fine, after all, thats how u did often appear when you were around, wearing a niqaab, a veil that covered your face.
Now that he looks at your eyes, he realises his mistake. He heard the wise tell him-
"Eyes are the windows to the soul."
He now knows it to be true.
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This is what I think the portraits look like:
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Notice that this is the earrings Salauddin gifted Y/n when she was in the market with him:
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How Baldwin's been:
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