#i didnt hate the experience of watching it until we got to the part where the final girl is in the car with that lady.

[marklikely]

anyway in a violent nature isnt that terrible and also i kind of enjoyed the way it bored me a little. nice relaxing evening after work. i was going on mind journeys while watching this dude trudge through the woods over and over

[hanaasbananas]

saw a post earlier about how well behaved you were in school/how often you got in trouble and I can't find it again BUT it made me think of a couple of times I got completely REAMED by my teachers.

NUMBER ONE

One time when I was in year 6 so..11? I think? it was 2008/9, I'd just discovered Fruits Basket and was practically in love with Kyo Sohma. That's fine, right? Perfectly normal experience

UNTIL we got set a homework task to write a short 1000 word essay on any subject and what did I choose?

Well. I chose to copy and paste the ENTIRE Wikipedia article about Fruits Basket. The whole thing. And then I painstakingly went through my entire document, removing every single hyperlink so that "Mrs M won't know that I didn't write this and will be so impressed by how much i wrote". ARE YOU SURE. ARE YOU SURE HANAA

she did notice. Almost immediately when I rocked up with a STACK of paper and everyone else had like, one page and I still had the GALL to show off "how much work I did" to everyone else on my table. where is this confidence NOW??? when I NEED IT.

anyway turns out my friend ALSO plagiarised her paper about tigers but she didn't take out the hyperlinks so we both got yelled at for 10 minutes during break, absolutely sobbed our little hearts out and then were told to wash our faces and calm down in the last 5 mins lmaoo

I think the funniest part of this story is that Mrs M ended up being one of my favourite primary school teachers, though I never plagiarised a Wikipedia article again.

NUMBER TWO

The second instance I got absolutely WRECKED by a teacher was in year 8 dance. Yes, dance. I absolutely LOATHED dance. Despised it. Was absolutely HORRIFIED when I started secondary school in year 7 and found out it was MANDATORY for two years.

(Essentially all subjects are mandatory until u choose ur gcse options, at which point you only do the core subjects aka maths english science and then 4 other subjects of ur choice. most schools have u choose options in year 9 bc year 10 is when you sit your gcse exams but THANK GOD my school made u choose in year 8 so you could have a practise run with the subjects you chose in year 9 and change them if u wanted to)

I didn't mind doing drama, (though i HATEd having to take ur shoes and socks off in the classroom), didn't mind ICT or food tech or graphic design or DT or geography. I HATED dance.

And also, unfortunately when I started my secondary school the lessons were LONG. The day was from 8.45-2.45 (unless you were an older student and had later lessons. Having a maths lesson at 2.45 and watching everyone going home SUCKED.) and for the first 3 years while I was there each lesson was AN HOUR AND A HALF. NINETY MINUTES. So you only had 3 lessons a day if you finished at 2.45 but they were really painfully long.

(They did switch to 1 hour lessons eventually and and sometimes you'd have a double period of a subject but that was fine.)

ANYWAY back to the story- despised dance, had to do it anyway. I surilvived one year, but then I had a stricter teacher in year 8 and one time we had an end of year assessment where we'd been practising dance lifts all term and she gave us 45 mins to pair up and come up with a dance sequence that had lifts in it and then perform it to the whole class at the end.

and the thing is, I was (am) a little heavy. So I knew I'd be the one doing the lifting. No problem. Until it came to pairing up because I was shy and quiet I only hung out w two other girls.

do you see where this is going?

those two friends of mine (TRAITORS) paired up so I was left with another shy muslim girl who I vaguely knew as a friend of a friend. She was lovely, honestly but things Didnt Go Well.

and by that I mean she couldn't lift me and wouldn't let ME lift HER so we could come up with something, anything. and I was CHRONICALLY shy. so I wasn't about to go tell the teacher, then my partner would hate me!!

time comes to perform. all of us sit on the floor against the mirror as the teacher goes down the line and sees everyone's performance.

we were last

we had nothing

"what were you doing for the last 45 minutes then girls? everyone else managed to do it, why didn't you?"

i tried to explain as articulately as I could, which is v impossible when you are a 12 year old trying not to start crying as you are BEING YELLED AT IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE (SILENT) CLASS. my partner didn't cry but she also didn't tell the teacher why she didn't let me lift her.

naturally, we were given detention. and this was in the time when detention was the same amount of time as a lesson. AN HOUR AND A HALF DETENTION. I was distraught. What would my mum say when I had to stay late after school? I'd NEVER gotten a detention before I couldn't believe it!!

the ultra humiliating part was this was at the end of the day and we all got changed in the dance studio, they had like, open lockers at the back to put your stuff in so I couldn't even leg it out of class at the end I had to get changed next to my classmates all while they're sneaking glances at me and I'm just. Sobbing.

I think the teacher did feel bad about how much I was crying though because she told us that she'd email us to let us know when the detention would be and never did. I skipped class the week after just in case she remembered but I escaped unscathed.

[thoughtsbeewild]

"I like quality people"

I was watching a clip of orange man in his younger years, i like what he said in the interview." i like quality people. Who doesn't?

I would take quality over quantity and vote change in our leaders in today current state. Leaders who give a shit more about thier employees. Which i had greatest opportunity to work for a President of quality. Versus a evil leader focused more on thier POWERFUL title, authority, ABUSE OF POWER AND CONTROL. One of the takeaways in RNC that resonated with me was YOU EARN YOUR MERIT FROM HARDWORK, IN BIDEN HIGH CRIME, HIGH INFLATION, HIGH TURNOVER OF EMPLOYMENT and SEEING THESE LAZY SOCIAL MEDIA CITIZENS OF USA GET IT EASY, WHILE HARD WORKING ONES ARE ONES WHO ARE LAID OFF, FIRED, PART OF REDUCTION AND FORCE and these party goers get to chill relax travel and come back to being employed. Who the fuck wants that, lazy fuckers getting pay check? The ones who work hard are ones that are part of reconstructing/reduction in force phase. HATE THESE LEADERS WHO WAIT TILL THE LAST MIN, SAY WHOOPS WE LOST MONEY IN Q2, Q3 FROM OUR OVERALL YEAR OVER YEAR RESULTS. That's why we little people on lower level tell you what the fuck is going on and leadership they dont fucking care until last min when high level leadership requests information. why would we still want have leadership who dont give a fuck, but cares more about title, power, control, greed. Instead utilizing American people, they will fire American people outsource thier jobs to cheaper labor where immigrants, international folks come in.

orange man said at his first rally, if they would devote thier time and energy on helping shape America instead of attacking me, then we would be stronger, better and helping the future generation create American dream. but no, demoncrat focus more on hatred. i don't like that.

but the leadership i was with in my prior company was not doing that.

This evil ugly director mom was more focused on her hatred revenge to eliminate all employees of all levels she had control over thier employment. It was more DO AS I SAY, and dont motherfucking question me bitch. Everyone hated her, but since she was director thier was no way any of us can take her down except leave the company respectfully until karma catches up to her evil ass. Alot great tenure workers, leaders quit because WHO The FUCK WANTS SEE THAT BITCH SUCCESSFUL and grow with her undeserving title. She was able recruit a lot of her demonic friends into the company as our group called it spies, ears to get that motherfucking information and use it against you when the time is needed. Who think you will ever experience this? you will if you vote for more Demoncrat into office, into leadership that sells/markets the bullshit online but once power is in place, all bets are off. I mean this director hired lazy ass person in the company to copy/mirror all of the hard work i have achieved over the years and slowly gradually attempted to terminate my employment once they got all they need.

They gave that lazy ass bitch one week PAID TIME OFF, PTO to go on a motherfucking cruise while i get stuck covering her shit, supporting 50 others and my job/role responsibilities i was hired for. And if i requested PTO, they put me through hell just to earn one mental day off.

yet leadership were like demoncrat, they would encourage PTO in meeting like selling to employees we care about your well being bullshit. but be selective who they give paid time off to and give paid time off to thier puppets in exchange to piss the hard worker off so they can quit. What kind leadership does that?

Once that lazy new bitch was freshed off her fucking cruise, they continue to force me to train her on everything i did, make her become me. I'm like bitch you will never be me, i never want be like you. The hell i went through with this corrupted leadership. people who were promoted in underserving titles/raises, who didnt have to lift a fucking finger to earn it up kiss ass to certain groups like they are as orange man says innocent baby.

Next step in the director/supervisor/ and its minions was to make a paper trail includes documentation of lies, information like you were defiant not listening to director rules/orders. As if you were a prisoner with a paycheck and if you don't sign it then hello all she has to do is use her HIGH director title of authority and just fire you, cause she the director.

But we fuckers are smarter than that, you better believe me it was a hard to finally stand up and give that F you to her and new leaders new president of company who will go down in hell.

This is the demonic leadership demoncrat, biden put in place in our states whatever its blue and red. I vote we don't have leadership like this making it miserable enough for hard working people to go mental and lazy people on social media doing half ass work half ass job, gets vacation days as they please and ends up with a promotion/title change which is a slap in the face for a lot individuals.

That's what this new leadership in place for lots of companies across the board. make up stories, call names. all that bullshit. I can definitely digress with this orange man

[duncanforbesfilm]

Directors Notes: Post-Production (Edit)

I got the footage to the films editor, Molly, the day after we wrapped. I met Molly and we had a big chat about the edit, we had discussed it briefly prior but I wanted to go through the footage with her and discuss the edit with the footage in front of us. We discussed a timeline for the edit at length. I left Molly to start transcoding. We agreed she would do a rough edit of all the scenes except the montage and then I would come into SAS to review. This took us to Easter. Unfortunately due to a miscommunication we thought that screen academy would be closed over Easter, and so didnt go in til Tuesday. It was tricky to arrange meetings, as Molly stays in Glasgow and was working on another film, so we had to find times where our schedules would cover. When I did see the rough draft, I was really happy with it as a draft. I felt that we needed more reactions from Mr Balloonhead Man, even if they werent saying anything. Molly disagreed with this, as she felt that since he had the same expression the reactions would not work. I argued that although he does not have a facial expression, the inclusion of a reaction shot, and the body language Lev and I worked hard to get right on set, would come across well. These are the reaction shots that made it into the final edit. After a few more meetings, we moved onto the montage. This was one part of the edit that Molly was unsure about, as they could not visualise it in their head. We worked together, and I explained what the purpose of the montage was (this overwhelming crescendo of stress that grows in intensity until we arrive at the hardware store) and after some trial and error Molly created an edit I was really happy with. The film was coming together, and I was hoping to show it to some lecturers for feedback, but Molly informed me that she was not going to be able to come back to SAS to work on the edit for much longer, as she was getting busy with other work. This was frustrating as I wanted to get feedback from lecturers, but in a learning experience, as I realised I should have asked for it sooner. With this new timeframe in mind, I had all the HODs come in and review the edit, they gave feedback and we made the changes we could with the time we had, before exporting the picture-lock and getting it to Alex for Sound Design and Gus for Grading. When the film was in Sound Design, a lecturer (Zoe) was able to watch the film and give feedback for sound and edit. This was about a week and a half before the film was due (the crit). This brought good and bad news. The good news was Zoe really liked the film and felt we'd created a really strong character and story. The bad news was she hated the ending and thought we should change it. The ending was with the balloon floating over Authurs seat (the hill of the final scene) and then the camera would pan to show Mr Balloonhead Man and Gary still sat on the bench. This was an ending that Fionntan had really advocated for during the writing process and in the early stages of editing, and I wanted to respect his story. Unfortunately, when fresh eyes watched it, it was just too confusing and as Zoe said 'took away from the real story'. I got in touch with Molly to ask about coming in to do a quick re-edit of the ending, but she said she was too busy to come through to Edinburgh before the crit. I talked to Gus and we came up with a solution that would try fix the ending. I pitched this to Molly but she was very unhappy with the solution and was frustrated with us wanting to change the edit after picture-lock. After a lot of back and forth, we came to a solution that she was 'happy' with and when she was in to do titles for the other film she was working on, she looked it over and said she liked it, which was a huge relief. That whole situation was stressful for me. I was torn between different roles of being a director. On one side, I wanted to respect my editors name and not make a change she was not happy with. On the other, I had a responsibility to do what was best for the film. Im happy that we were able to come to a compromise.

[qualityempathshoebear]

2022, a crashing rollercoaster

Hey you,

its been a while. Ok yeah, maybe a little more than "a while". The year is over, and i think its time to reflect. But first, let me catch you up on everything thats happened since I last came on here.

Im still in Leeds, and will realistically stay here until I leave for University. Youre probably wondering what happened, why im not in Singapore. Well... my dads job didnt think he had enough experience, so what was supposed to be a delay, turned into a cancellation. So I have basically had to go to a school i wasnt supposed to be at in the first place, for a whole half-year. It was absolutly horrible and I had no friends. There were three (sometimes four) nice girls who I would sit with during snack and lunch. But it was almost always just us sitting in silence or me going on the computer in front of me, so I didnt look like an absolute fucking loser. I would go on VG and read the news every day and must have looked like such a loner to the people behind me. The girls were nice, but I didnt feel like we ever got to know eachother, I felt so fake the entire time.

And dont get me fucking started on the morning forms. I fucking hated coming in there just to sit in awkward silnce while staring ahead. And those horrible meditation sessions that the form tutor would do. I would just sit there with my hands in my lap, hoping for it to end. The girl sitting next to me was nice tho. I think she could tell I wasnt enjoying myself. I can honestly say I had no friends in that place, and that it was single-handedly the worst school experience I had ever had. And I know parts of it was my fault. I wasnt willing to make friends because everything felt so temporary. Even being in England still does. But wait, why are you talking in past tense? Im happy you asked. You see, I begged my dad to send an email to IB headquarters and ask to get the official copy of my diploma so I can apply directly into college (Englands equivalnce to highschool), without having to take their middle school exam (because fuck that!). And it luckily arrived on the last day of chistmas break... so I dropped out.

The plan now is that im going abroad to stay with my aunt until september, because I honestly just cant deal with staying in this horribly sad country. Everything about it is sad. The weather, the food, the disgustinly chlorinated water, the people, the buildings, even their fucking buildings are sad. I just cant fucking deal with it, It so similair to back home. No, its ven worse here. What was even the point of moving.

I have been so incredibly stressed because of the whole situation and its really taken a tole on me. I have had so much anxiety, to the point where I cant even sleep at night without panicking. Im constantly tired, I have lost so much weight, I have a breast infection in both my breasts (to be fair, I did have it before coming here), im depressed, and honestly, a little sui*idal.

To make matters worse, my parents have become religous freaks. And its definelty not helping that my mom has befriended some super religous woman, with the same background as us. Theyre making me do some weird post-menstruation shower ritual every fucking month (yes, theyve been tracking my period, gross!). Dont get me wrong, I dont actually end up doing them. I protest for a while and then I lie and pretend like ive done it. Around two weeks ago my dad came to my room to tell me to do the ritual, and I told him I couldnt because I was sick (and i actually was). Long story short, he didnt believe me and started yelling at me. I told him he was pressuring me into becoming religious. He freaks out and basically threatens me and pushes me (at some point even yanking my phone out of my hands, saying hes going to take it from me). All this while my mom watches and doesnt do anything besides saying my dads name and grabbing his arm every now and them. She even left at some point, but made sure to come back to gaslight and guiltrip me. I told her that if anyone touched me ever again I would call the cops immidielty. I havent really spoken to dad since. Its honestly really strained the relationship with my parents, and its making me realise that we will never have a normal relationship. In some ways I wish I could just be religous so I could save myself the anger, stress, and constant fighting with my parents. But whenever I give the idea further thought, I cringe. Even religion is ruined for me because of them. I feel that I shouldnt be religous, as revenge. The only way I could ever see myself becoming religous, is if I married a muslim man, and he helped me heal from all this fucking trauma. But I dont think I will do that. The only upside is that he wouldnt leave me, because of the stigma of divorce in muslim communities. But heck, I honestly just want to be loved. As gross and sappy as that sounds.

This year was supposed to be filled with laughs, new starts, new frienships, money, and much more. And instead I got none of it. I dont know, maybe this is what I deserve. Its safe to say that 2022 was my worst year yet. There were some highs, but mostly lows. Real fucking lows.

Im honestly just happy that I get to leave this wet-red brick country (even if its just temporarly), and hopefully in the meantime, my dad will get a job somewhere else so we can leave. If not, University is my only way out.

Now youre pretty much all cought up with whats worth to be cought up on. Before I leave, Ill share my new years resolutions and what I hope to focus on in 2023.

New years resolutions:

-Drink 2L of water a day, Gain weight, Workout once a week, Grow finger and toe nails, start daily journal, Grow hair and repair hairline, Get a new hobby, Grow eyebrows and eyelashes, Read 3 books, Solve Cains Jawbone, Clear skin, and to watch a musical live.

And in 2023 I hope to repair (as much as possible) my mental and physical health.

That would be all for now, until next time! <3

[nihiltism]

i AM odio's #1 fan this is absolutely true every day i hang out on his shoulder and call him gorgeous as he seethes for a million billion years. anyway anyway i was actually relating it more to the 4th wall breakery like. ok this requires a bit of context but to make a long story short i have a lal musical au in my head idk if its even an au i just want live a live to get the day the night slept-ed yknow. and before i watched ptutu it was just "hehe what if everything was a musical so i could see my favoritest man ever sing the deeply threatening orchestral metal ballad i know he has in him" but after ptutu it gave me inspo for a Setting. for Themez.

bc like. ok now im thinking if this was an actual Musical. what if odio was an observing 4th wall breaking narrator. like drosselmeyer. excusing the fact that a 8+ act musical would be the longest fucking thing in the world, this could also be like a show or something as long as people are singing, like. you wouldnt Know its him you'd just hear the voice of a pretentious and evil british man between breaks in episodes or whatever, popping in to point out all the tragedy in the future that our heroes dont know and cant hear and making Sure to pay extra attention to parts of the story that corroborate his ideals.

see the thing is that unlike drosselmeyer he didnt Write the stories. he knows what will happen in the story and he Hates it and as he narrates it you can Tell how desperately he wants it to take a turn, for the main characters to experience the same loss and betrayal he has, and at the inevitably happy ending of every story all he can do is Seethe. this is nowhere close to the first time he has read this story. in fact he has read all of these So many times, planning out exactly how he would twist them and only letting his spite grow stronger. and at one point (his version of the DoH) he finally does do as the in canon dialogue says and Rewrites The Tale. and we know how that goes. when he has gone and rewritten it, all hes left with is a bunch of crossed out lines and weak, self-fooling vindication.

i got off topic. basically ptutu just made me think of a new fun way to view the narrative and how odio would interact with it if they let him have more lines. i also think he would narrate the normal dominion of hate for the record it'd just be audible to the protags there, since he's not just. seething to himself there. it'd be less like narrating more like talking directly at the protags. kind of a mental loudspeaker thing thats actually somewhat canon actually with the "o foolish child" bit at the beginning. just let that happen more often.

also for the record if this was a show or something we definitely wouldn't see the narrator until the end of the middle ages chapter where he closes the cover on his own story. i also dont actually know if he would narrate his own story. i think it'd be fun if he did so you could see the Reminiscence the Drama. the clear and obvious favoritism to his own tale. but also if it werent already incredibly obvious who the narrator was i think thatd only confirm it even if oersted Did remain silent in the retelling. so realistically id think there'd just be no narrator in that chapter until oersted's final monologue kicks in, maybe instead of letting oersted read that part odio narrates it and that's the kicker. idk. anyway. yeah. i think odio should have broken the meta fourth wall to interact with the narrative more. he knows the narrative intimately after all. it fucked him over.

hi did. did I tell you where when I was watching princess tutu and thought "oh this is making me think about odio mclivealive.". because it made me think about odio mclivealive. i already had a lal musical au but it only added to it. ough.

OF COURSE YOU DID i am racking my stupid brain to make connections and. um. hm. i guess i KINDA see it in rue?? or like the themes of giving up? and of course Doomed By The Narrative is just odio mclivealive but. im kinda curious about YOUR vision here because i am not odio's #1 fan unlike you

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about the Golden Age Part 14

Rambles about the Golden Age Part 14

Today we’re covering the rescue through the death of Wyald. Making some progress! 

This whole part is heartbreaking, I’m just saying. And the next one is also going to be pretty depressing!

So...

1. I don’t quite remember much about the first time I read Berserk, but what I do remember is from this point forward I probably cried a hundred times. Just seeing him in that state -- the entire post-rescue Golden Age, to be honest, was incredibly difficult to read and I think this is the first reread I’ve done where I didn’t feel sort of tempted to skip it. 

All that said, one of the frustrating things about this whole period is that Griffith is kept internally silent (and obviously externally silent as well). I think this actually has a pretty powerful effect fro me as a reader - he is viewed from the outside, so we are as unclear about where his head is and what he wants or thinks as anyone else. But I do think he is readable from visual cues and....

...ok one thing I keep seeing is that Griffith is a hateful shell of his former self and despises Guts because he blames him for the imprisonment. The thing is, that’s not untrue, right? At least not at first. It is a fact that he went on at some length about the conflict in his heart about Guts, and the list is quite long - malice, friendship, jealousy, futility, tenderness, sorrow, pain, hunger. All the feelings one gets when they are deeply hurt by someone they love. And, of course....

The first thing he does when he sees Guts is try to strangle the life out of him. There’s that malice and pain. But the thing is, if you want to say that he hates Guts based on that, then you have to take the whole scene into account as well as their history. Not that I approve of people trying to strangle each other, but from Griffith’s perspective he was extremely close to and reliant on Guts - the only person he loves and trusts - and then abandoned out of nowhere with no explanation. He thinks Guts is disgusted by him and that pain drove him into a mindset where he burned his whole life down. 

Again, not okay to strangle people, but that’s the logic, right? Which is why it’s important that when he sees Guts crying for him, when Guts grieves for him...

...all the malice and anger dissipate and what does he do? He tries to comfort Guts by resting his hand on Guts’ just like he did for Casca so many times. It’s that easy. All he needed was to know Guts didnt hate him. Basically. 

And not to get ahead of myself, but from this point until the last moments before the Eclipse, he really isnt hateful or angry, just... sad but otherwise all right. Anyway we’ll get to that later. Now.

2. A lot’s been said about this torturer and specifically what he did to Griffith. Because that line about being husband and wife is pretty suggestive, not to ,mention hes literally licking Griffith’s tongue here. Also he is referred to as a pervert and is displayed in the guidebook alongside Donovan.

I have no idea whether he sexually abused Griffith directly, but I do think it’s fairly obvious that it was a sexual experience for the torturer, it’s just a question of whether it was the torture alone that he got off on or if he did other things too. I don’t know, and other than saying this guy is a complete idiot who gets a somewhat quicker death than he actually deserves when Guts runs him through and throws him into the pit. 

And there’s Judeau recognizing that Casca is in extreme danger of falling back into her old pattern with Griffith. 

3. I love watching Guts work. So does Griffith, he always did - after all, it was seeing him chop Bazuso up that made him want Guts to begin with. So what’s with the stare... well I aside from how watching Guts makes him feel on a personal level, I imagine it’s also incredibly difficult to watch since he can’t do anything to help. I imagine some combination of resentment, lust, admiration, and frustration is in play here. 

4. There’s a certain irony to the King whining that Griffith should have rotted away by now when he’s the one who insisted he live for a year. He has no one to blame for all this but himself - Charlotte wouldn’t have cut him off if he hadn’t sexually assaulted her and locked the man she loves in a dungeon to be dismantled. And insisting on killing him sure isn’t going to help his case with her.

5. One of the theories I see tossed around a lot is that Griffith is angry because Guts took his most loyal soldier (Casca) and that’s his problem. ...that’s silly. There’s literally no point to having soldiers now and he’s not an idiot, he knows that. And he never had that much interest in Casca anyway - that always strikes me as a way to No Homo a way around what IMO is fairly obvious - he’s jealous because he can tell Casca and Guts have something going on and he’s in love with Guts. The first of the two panels on the second row establishes the scene he’s seeing and the second establishes what he’s focused on, which is Guts (drawn in a sensual way). And that look in his eyes, that’s almost always shown when he’s looking at Gut - he’s the only person Griffith consistently has that reaction to.

6. She’s a little in denial here, but at the same time I’ve always liked that his physical condition didn’t repulse her or make her turn away from him. I don’t think Charlotte gets enough credit for being strong (even if quietly so) and loyal even in the face the greatest tests.

Right down to the point where she nearly dies to protect him.

But I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to the Hawks here to have potentially gotten Charlotte killed. 

How is that even an exchange?  Anyway.

So later we find out that what he says to her is “I’ll come back for you.” I will say right now that I don’t think he believes that for a second. He’s just trying to get her to leave so that she won’t die.

Obviously there’s less to say about battle scenes, but I do have a couple of comments:

7. There’s a thing that happens with the Hawks and Griffith later on that I find quite disturbing. Just the way they talk about him and treat him in general after he comes out of that dungeon. And this page is kind of noteworthy toward that issue because the thing is...

One of the reasons watching him in this state is so hard to see is that his mind is still completely intact. He’s just as brilliant, just as quick thinking, just as observant - and this isn’t news, I mean his body was savaged not his mind. 

But the way Guts (and Casca) express surprise that he was the one who tipped Pippin off to the crack in the ceiling is a bit of a warning sign for me that even though his mind is there, not everyone is going to think about that - they may even assume otherwise. 

8. This whole scene - the quiet before the storm. I think it’s incredibly important to establishing a few things: first of all, the fact that Casca so easily falls back into Griffith’s grip, which Guts does see: 

And just like he suspected he would, he really just accepts it. This tendency he has to assume that Casca would just pick Griffith over him every time, which is honestly correct (at least until the Eclipse) ends up being a sore spot for him even post-Eclipse - it’s played into when she runs to Griffith on the Hill of Swords, for example. It helps that his initial belief, going back to what he said to Judeau before he left the Hawks, was that Griffith and Casca were sort of... supposed to be together. And now that his dream is gone and he’s no longer unconquerable, it becomes evident that Casca is just as wrapped up in Griffith as she ever was - and just as wrapped up in Griffith as Guts is, himself.

The other thing, though, is how quiet and peaceful and mild Griffith is. I’m a little baffled by people who think he spent this whole time fuming and plotting revenge on Guts or whatever - he’s... okay? He’s at peace. I’m not saying he’s happy, of course he can’t be overwhelmed with happiness given what he’s lost. But he’s not.... angry, he’s not hateful. He rests quietly, smiles as the innkeeper who helps them, and ultimately as they leave Windham, he lets go of those flowers, and his dreams, seemingly forever, as the castle he reached for fades in the distance.

I don’t believe he’s bitter and resentful. I do think he feels the loss of what he was and what he hoped to achieve, but for the moment at least he seems... at peace?

It’s predictable that what shakes him out of that is of course, danger to Guts. Because when Guts is going off on Wyald, you get one of the most heartbreaking moments in the series:

The last time Guts fought an Apostle (not that they know that’s what they are), he and Griffith both nearly died. Watching Guts fight Wyald, Griffith is visibly upset upfront, and then when he’s been hidden in a cave to protect him, he clearly wants to go help Guts, but he can’t.  And once Wyald unleashes his apostle form it just gets worse:

As he has his standard quiet panic attacks and ultimately physically struggles to go and help the obviously in danger of dying Guts. He clenches his teeth so hard he literally bleeds.

And anyone who thinks he didn't care about Casca try to explain to me why he’s desperately trying to go to her when Wyald assaults her.

Anyway, love seeing Guts basically learn on the spot how to fight Apostles - knowledge that comes in great handy for literally the rest of his life to date.

9. Casca’s continued tug of war between Guts and Griffith is pretty interesting - I’m not sure if you could say her interest in Griffith is romantic as such at this point - between her not-a-relationship (per Miura lol) with Guts and Griffith’s current condition, she does seem to have transitioned into a caretaker mode. Which isn’t to say the feelings aren’t still in there, but they’ve gone latent I guess since that’s not what Griffith needs right now. 

In fact, that kind of recalls my comment on the cave scene waaaaaay back when - though she was in love with Griffith ultimately I do think what Casca wanted most was to be able to give him what he needed the way he had done for her. Which means his current state ends up dragging her old feelings back up because now he finally does need her.

That said, she ping pongs a lot between uncertainty and commitment. After starting to drift away from Guts throughout the rescue and progressively falling back into her old pattern of circling Griffith like a satellite, seeing Guts in such danger pulls her out of it and drops her back where she was when they were first making promises to each other, and it’s evident in how coupley they act in this moment and in the wagon bandaging scene - all while Griffith continues to take mental notes on that relationship. 

...honestly I do kind of struggle with the insensitivity of doing all these things in front of Griffith’s face considering how much he’s been through. But admittedly I dont think she could help it. 

I had a whole section here about the Holy See and Casca’s name but eh, I guess I’ll do that next time. Anyway...

10. This is one of my favorite scenes in the entire manga, but also fuck this scene it’s too heartbreaking. I honestly don’t understand how anyone perceives him as a hateful scheming evil monster in this period of his life. To me, he is just... fragile. Happy to be out of the dungeon, but heartbroken at what it cost. Happy to see Guts again, but unwilling to let himself be seen by him. Guts says he can take the mask off because its only them, but of course I doubt there’s anyone in the world he wants to see him in tatters less than Guts.... because of his pride, and because of his love.

This scene has that Grizabella in Memory feeling - the once beautiful one who has fallen and is reminding themselves of who they were before. But make no mistake, Griffith is very aware that he can’t recover from this. No matter how much Guts tries to reassure him...

He knows what’s happening. I mean for one thing he was the one there when it happened. Also all of his studies, all those things he learned in his quest to be great, would have told him what was done to him isn’t recoverable. 

It’s also incredibly sad to me that it took this to let Guts talk to Griffith the way he used to - as a person - and to see him on the ground instead of on a pedestal. The way he talks to Griffith is just. Almost the way I imagine they were before Promrose got Guts’ head screwed on backwards. 

It’s sad and wistful but... fond? I don’t know, it’s just a sad, beautiful scene between two people who love each other immensely however you care to define that. 

AND THEN WYALD COMES BACK TO MESS IT UP HAHAA.

So, I’m actually kind of annoyed that Wyald gets cut out of adaptations because I do think it’s a crucial part of the story - I get that he’s kinda nasty and censor unfriendly, but he serves two major purposes, I think.

First, he is the first apostle Guts defeats, and fighting him is really what teaches Guts how to fight and defeat apostles. Without this scene, the leap from getting his butt handed to him quick like a fast food order to fighting apostles in the eclipse or killing them outright in the black swordsman era seems kind of random.

Second, and perhaps even more important, it serves to point out That Thing that’s been bothering me. The thing that always bothers me when I think about post-torture Griffith and his relationship with the Hawks, but honestly also pre-torture Griffith and the Hawks, namely they do not treat or see him as human. Wyald calls them out on seeing him as their precious thing and that’s what he is. They didn’t even rescue him just to rescue him, they did it so that he could save them from their life as bandits by building them back up. And Miura went out of his way to have them say that in the leadup to his rescue, and then have Wyald here point to it directly.

Basically my feeling is that the Hawks loved and respected him but as the White Hawk, rather than as Griffith. And this is partially something he did to himself right, because he constructed the image of a perfect leader - a symbol, which is what he is to a LOT of people from the commoners who take pride in seeing one of them rise to the nobles who saw him as evidence of a dangerous incursion on their dominance. To the Hawks, he was superhuman - Casca describes the way they saw him - the way she saw him herself before she had a reality check through the Gennon situation: a miracle. He was able to take a bunch of people who are ultimately fairly ordinary and turn them into something special and they loved him for that but of course they don’t know him as a person. In that sense they loved him for what he is able to do for them and how he reflects on them rather than who he is, because they don’t know him.

That caused immense pressure even when he was still in his prime, but because Griffith is a strong person -- because he forces himself to be strong -- he was able to carry that on his back without showing the strain. But now, because he has lost his gleam and can no longer bring them glory or help them rebuild the way they assumed he would, he loses his superhuman glow... but he’s still not a person to them. He is a doll. And that plays out very distinctly in the next bit of this arc - which I will get to another day - when they discuss where to put him and who should watch him like they’re settling custody of their pet dog or their stamp collection or something. 

Anyway I’ve talked about this before both here and on the g/g server, and I would have thought maybe I was reading too much into it, except Wyald literally calls them out on it, so.

I wish these things didn’t have the white bar in the center because this is a phenomenal double page spread... and a fantastic turn of events. Because after chapter upon chapter of Guts and the Hawks in general barely managing to scrape by and survive Wyald, when Zodd shows up it���s immediately evident that, in the scale of things, Wyald is a relative small fry vs. apostles like Zodd. Not just because he;s just physically much larger than Wyald but because of how the Hawks react to Zodd and the way Wyald reacts to Zodd.

It will also always be interesting to me that Zodd seems to act like an agent of the Godhand like he’s Gmork or something. 

And I wonder what would happen if Wyald HAD killed Griffith there. Would a secondary choice get the call instead? Or is it impossible for Wyald to kill him... in the sense that the world/idea of evil has spun the story and Griffith doesn’t die here in that story?

Finally, Wyald’s true form, the broken old man... the guide book implied that his sacrifice was a lover, so i wonder if he sacrificed his wife or something. I guess we’ll never know.

[kyodzuken]

domestic headcanons - death the kid

aka; you move in with kid and he’s kinda ooc but also cute so let me have my fun.

- moving in with kid was literally one of the most stressful and yet rewarding parts of your life. lots of boxes falling down the stairs as you and death the kid run hastily to try and salvage your belongings, only to slip on the hardwood floors and fall on your ass.

- he wanted (needed) absolutely everything in your house to be symmetrical, and that was expected, so you left most - if not all - of the decorating to him.

- a lot of compromises,, which eventually turned to kid slowly changing everything into how he liked it

- and you didnt complain, because seeing the soft blush on his face, and a small content smile as he stared at your first house together, that was enough.

- the first week you'd moved in, kid got sick, and you'd spent the entire week locked away in your house, taking care of your boyfriend.

- and the little shit wasn't making it any easier.

- you'd make him soup and he'd refuse to eat it unless you fed it to him

- 'babe! no! i'll get sick!!' you'd whine

- '(y/n), do i look like i care? now c'mere!' he'd state, the temper tantrum breaking through his usually cool and calm tone, as he made grabby hands from the bed, his nose red and his face pouty.

- and even if death the kid was sick, didn't mean he was quiet during your movie marathons - that week settling for twilight as you were sprawled out on the couch, trying your best to avoid the warm embrace of your (sick) boyfriend.

- 'oh my god, did he SERIOUSLY name their kid RENESMEE??'

- 'kid i- bAHAHAHHA'

- his antics were one of the many reasons you fell in love with him, and you genuinely did your best to take care of the reaper boy.

- sometimes when you'd be making some soup or dinner for him, he'd sneak up behind you, before locking his hands around your waist and laying his head on your shoulder, mumbling sweet nothings as he thanked you for taking care of him.

- in the mornings you'd get up to get ready and he'd grab onto your waist and pull you back into bed with him, as you struggled to escape his grasp.

- 'kid, you may be sick but i still have school...'

- '(y/n), in case you forgot, my dad is literally lord death. you can miss a week. and a day. eight days. perfect.'

- you wouldn't even argue with him about it either, because he was just that convincing.

- once y'all had settled in, he made it a mission to cuddle and watch movies every single night.

- 'kid i have homework-'

- '...that doesn't change anything.'

- cuddling with kid is great because he insists that both of you have equal amount of blanket and pillows; for the symmetry, of course.

- he's the type to let you lay on his chest, and he'd play with your hair while you watched so-bad-it's-good romcoms; sprawled out on the couch as he fed himself (and occasionally you) some skittles or popcorn, your eyes too fixated on the tv to notice his fleeting glances at your form.

- sometimes you'd watch a horror movie, just to have the boy jump into your arms during the scary bits.

- 'you can't blame me, (y/n)! pennywise jumped out of NOWHERE! how do you expect me to notice-’

- you two have found yourselves falling asleep on your living room couch one too many times ngl, and you aren't complaining bc falling asleep with kid is when you sleep the best!!

- sometimes you'd forget to fold the toilet paper in a triangle

- you never hear the end of that one

- but you genuinely try your best, and kid sees that, and his heart swells seeing you adjust a painting to be perfecting in line, or see you buy two towels instead of one, so they'd be perfectly symmetrical.

- ngl you've tried dying kid's hair a few times

- '(y/n) i'm literally a shinigami dont you think i've tried already-'

- 'babe, it's a bONDING EXPERIENCE.'

- 'i think we can bond in other ways dont you think-'

- 'no.'

- your parents knew you'd moved houses, and it took you a lil while to tell them it was because you and kid moved in together.

- but he'd met your parents before, and they loved him.

- you were on a call with your parents - facetime to be exact, walking around as you showed them your new house, a collection of 'oohs' and 'ahhs' erupting from your mobile phone.

- that was until kid accidentally (totally not accidentally) entered the room.

- '(y/n)!! what are you cooking for dinner tonight?? also please help me unpack these boxes it's been weeks! oh-OH!'

- and your parents were literally shook

- '(y/n)... is this the roommate you were talking about...'

- you were very scared at first because you thought they'd be mad,

- but no, they literally booked a flight to death city right then and there. like literally on facetime your dad just booked a ticket

- 'mom- dad- no i-'

- yeah,,, needless to say, they're like your number one stans.

- dates are always perfectly planned

- so dinner dates and nights out are not very common.

- kid has to plan everything perfectly; he just loves you so much and would hate for you to experience anything less than perfection, and yet somehow SOMETHING goes wrong.

- like a dog will run past and splash water on your dress

- or he'll get salmonella in the middle of the date from last night's chicken (that HE COOKED LORDD)

- and you'll have to reassure him it's fine and you had a great time, as the boy nearly breaks down in the expensive restaurant he had to pull strings to get into.

- and you wouldn't have it any other way.

- the gang has come uninvited one too many times

- once you two were making out, his hands running through your hair as you shared fleeting kisses in your bedroom, until you heard the (very) familiar

- 'hELLOOO! IT'S ME, BLACK STAR! LITERALLY THE GREATEST AND BIGGEST STAR EVER I-'

- and you emerged from your shared bedroom like-

- 'PLEASE... what do you want'

- and he didn't answer your question, obv

- and your hair was all messy and some not well hidden hickies were on your neck like

- chile erm... what the hell we gon' do now...

- 'yeah sorry guys i was doing something-'

- 'is *he* something?????' soul asked, snickering whilst pointing to a certain monochromed hair boy behind you.

- who was frantically trying to fix his hair.

- you've also kicked them out one too many times.

- grocery shopping dates are always fun and unpredictable, for kid would have a whole list of what to buy and what quantity, and you'd just be running around like a little kid - eyes glistening at the wide array of candy that stocked the shelves

- '(y/n)- no, you can't ride in the cart i- goddammit.'

- mornings are a whole other story though.

- soft kisses shared as you're entangled in his embrace, the sun seeping through your blinds as you play with soft strands of black and white hair, staring at the sleeping boy infront of you.

- moments like those, where you feel as though nothing in the world matters, they're when you truly realise how whipped  you are for kid, especially when he opens his eyes to mumble a soft

- 'good morning, (y/n).'

- before placing a fluttering kiss on your forehead, as he pulled you in closer.

- once you'd come home, exhausted and on the verge of tears.

- you'd gone out on a mission and your partner had gotten incredibly injured - you genuinely weren't sure if they were going to make it, despite the constant reassurance from stein.

- and kid noticed that, his eyes following your hunched over form as you walked into the bedroom exhausted, tears threatening to spill out any second.

- so he dragged you out of the house for a drive

- which was meant to be for maybe an hour,, so you could get your mind off of things

- but you ended up wandering into the city and just driving

- eventually it was six am

- and you just got home, and immediately fell asleep on the couch

- all in all, moving in with death the kid was one of the best decisions of your life.

- mwah i hope u enjoyed xoxo

[tangyyposting]

log day 1

inspired by a discord convo with a friend to post this. me n her were watching old s*mg4 videos from back in 2014 and girl i miss those days,, not that i was a better person or anything in fact i honestly like who i am and the fact i ended up where i am, but i sincerely wish that my current self could be transported back to 2014 so i could properly interact with the 2014 internet. the most online interaction i could get back then was on roblox bc my mom was super strict with me being online, and honestly rewatching those mario vids made me really dive deep into 2014 randomXD culture until like 4 in the morning,, i think the most appealing part about it is that it feels so freeing, weirdly enough. cringe culture really wasnt mainstream from my knowledge and although being random was ‘the thing,’ from my experience, people genuinely liked it, and it was strangely wholesome that way. ppl were also alot easier to interact with bc no media was like super mainstream (so you didnt have to be necessarily ‘in the know’ to start convo) other than creepypastas, and towards the end of the randomXD era, fnaf. but like, info about that stuff was super widespread and ppl made interacting with fnaf and creepypasta media super fun, and they were always at least mentioned in one topic point during conversation. other stuffs i sincerely miss include nyan cat, mlg montage parodies, and rainbows. lots of them, too. too bad ppl got homophobic and dropped rainbows as soon as it became a symbol of pride, lol. anyways, tbh i dont have much to add onto the whole randomXD topic, but i do wanna say that holy carp do i hate the new morbius sweep stuff that’s going down (yes i know i have a morbius pfp shush my friend made it for me). like new wave gen z culture is honestly super similar to the 2014 randomXD culture in alot of ways, but back then ppl were genuine about it, and now we’re actively drowning in layers of irony. i could tolerate it until this point but the morbius memes have become so obnoxious i can no longer take it. i think what i hate about it the most is the fact that ppl arent genuine about it, like theyre ranting and raving (kinda like i’m doing now) about how good a movie it is and i just want to shout out loud in a public space abt how i’m so genuinely angry that ppl arent genuine for their passion about the movie. like please, be genuine with the things you like, and the things you dont. we were so close to reaching that sort of nirvana during the early years of the lockdown but as soon as things started opening up again ppl went right back to cringe culture like oh my godddddddd i am actively melting into primordial sludge just thinking abt it,,,,,,,,,, anyways i think that’s abt it for today, thanks for reading if u got this far. if i have something to add believe me i’ll add it later,,,, anyways have a good day mwah srry for the wall of text 💙💙

[hello-yue-here]

Yuetara, zukka, and maiko

yuetara

ship

1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.

2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.

3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.

zukka:

SHIPPP

1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic

2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.

3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))

maiko

ship

1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.

2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.

3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.

again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[bridgyrose]

Salem's vessel au. Does Salem ever convince Ruby to commit her first crime?

Ruby sighed as she walked through the weapons shop, looking at parts to start upgrading her weapon. It had only been a week since classes had started and right now, she was excited for a little time away from her team. 

Salem’s voice ran through Ruby’s mind, keeping calm. “You know they dont accept you.”

“Of course they do. They’re my teammates. My friends. Sure, we have a lot of… disagreements, but we’re working on it.” 

“But tell me, why would they want to listen to someone who’s two years their junior? Dont you think its a bit… humiliating for them?”

Ruby stopped for a moment as she listened to Salem’s words. “I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Think about it: you’re two years younger than most anybody in this academy. Why should they listen to someone like you? Someone who lacks the experience that they do?”

“They’re giving me a chance. That’s all that matters.” 

“That Schnee girl seems to be trying to get you kicked out.”

“Weiss is starting to accept that I’m the team leader.” Ruby sighed and started looking through a few scopes, trying to find one that would work for her sniper scythe. “I know the disagreements we have are… frequent, but that doesnt mean she’s trying to get me kicked out of the academy.” 

“Is that why she intentionally gave you the wrong notes to study from?” Salem smirked a bit inside of Ruby’s head. “Or how about the time she tried to get Ozpin to reconsider you being the leader. This has been a long week of her trying to make you fail, to take your dream away from you.”

“So what, you just want me to pick up a life of crime because no one’s going to give me a chance?” Ruby rolled her eyes. “I’m not someone who’s going to hate others just because a couple people are rude. For a supposedly all powerful witch-” Ruby’s body seized up, cutting off the words she was trying to say. 

Salem took over Ruby’s body in a flash of red. “Mind your tongue, girl. I’ve been alive for longer than this go-around of humanity. I’ve seen kingdoms rise and fall, I’ve lived through your history’s greatest events. Do not mistake what I’m saying as a claim that you should only hurt those that disagree with you. All I’m merely saying is pay attention to what those around you do. See how they perceive you. Like those goons over to the side.” 

Two men came into Ruby’s vision as Salem faced them. The men smirked at the younger girl, looking her over. Ruby suddenly felt disgusted by what she saw. 

Salem went back to browsing for Ruby, pretending to be her. “You need to become more aware of your surroundings. The more you see, the easier it is for you to tell the intent of those around you. Those men clearly like what they see about you. You’re young, you look naive, and chances are, they’re going to wait until you’re alone. However, we have the opportunity to change that.” 

“I… dont understand.”

Salem pulled Ruby’s scythe off her back, smirking a bit. “We’re going to give them a reason to leave you alone.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ruby groaned as she cleaned blood off the blade of her scythe. “When you said you wanted to give them a reason, I didnt think you meant this.” 

“If it wasnt you, it was going to be someone else. You’re my vessel and I’m going to protect you.”

“And murder is out of the question. I’m trying to be a huntress and killing isnt how you solve problems.” 

“Then maybe you dont really know why Ozma set up these academies to start with.”

Ruby sighed and put her scythe down, most of the blood cleaned off. “You keep saying not to trust him, but you still havent told me why. We’re alone in the dorm now, can you please tell me what’s going on?” 

“Since it’s a bit relevant to whats going on now, I’ll tell you.”

Ruby smiled a bit. “Finally.” 

Salem slowly started to take control of Ruby’s body, leaving Ruby’s mind to wander her memories. Memories of a time where the gods walked among the land with humanity. “There once was a time where the gods lived on Remnant with their creations.”

Ruby went silent as she watched the memories run through her own mind, only seeing what Salem allowed her to see. The way the gods tormented Salem by bringing back Ozma and killing him in front of her. The way they punished her for only wanting the love of her life back. Humanity being destroyed and coming back, only for Ozma to betray Salem, killing their daughters in the process. 

Salem let her mind shut close, pulling her mind away from Ruby’s to let everything sink in. “Do you understand now? The gods, Ozma, all they wish to do is cause harm for anyone who lives on this world. But I have a different plan. I want to bring a new order into this world. One that will allow you to have your mother again, the one that Ozma sent away only for her to never return.”

Ruby got up and went to lay down in her bed to try to process everything that she saw. “And all of this… really happened?” 

“Every last image you saw.”

Ruby nodded slowly, taking a few deep breaths. “I… I think I just need to be alone for a bit. I need time to take all of this in.” 

Salem started to drift away from Ruby’s mind, giving her peace and quiet to think. 

[faerielleart]

Hi sorry you don’t have to answer this! But I’ve seen you speak about LGBTQ+ and from my understanding you are a part? So I want to ask I have been dealing with my self identity and struggles and I want to ask if you can share experiences and how you find out since I think I am not straight to be sure… Thank you I hope this ask doesn’t put you in uncomfortable place.

yo anon hello!! 👋 no worries, i’m not in any way uncomfortable and i’m always happy to help if i can

first of all, keep in mind that not everyone’s experiences are the same and what i went through in my journey to exploring my sexual identity might be completely different from what someone else went through, hence take what i say with a huge grain of salt and know that everyone’s experiences are perfectly valid

alright hhhhh well my story’s pretty funny actually LMAO i think i already answered this some other time iirc? but yeah i started “having doubts” in middle school. i wasn’t interested in boys, i was genuinely meh in front of any dude my female friends found cute, i never thought about dating and i never thought about marriage. some people (my family) called me a “late bloomer”, my classmates secretly made fun of me for being “gay”.

thing is, i was obviously gay but i didnt know at the time- however everyone else did 💀💀💀 i was out there saying shit like “i wish men didn’t exist” “i wish the planet was only populated by women” and stuff like that on the DAILY and each time my classmates looked at me like 👁👄👁 and it was like the class’ inside joke that i wasn’t a part of. i was bullying victim unfortunately and i was the class punching bag 🚶‍♀️

one day, i was at my (at the time) best friend’s birthday party and all the girls in class were invited with some boys to her house. i remember we were playing truth or dare, my turn came and i chose truth; there was this girl who hated me with all her heart for no reason whatsoever and loved humiliating me while pretending to be my friend and i was too much of a pushover to say anything to her, anyway bitch started laughing and yelled in front of everyone “IS IT TRUE THAT YOU’RE A LESBIAN?????” and i was ,,,,, pretty much shocked. firstly i thought that was a dirty word, i had never known lesbians irl and i only knew gay men and i kinda associated lesbians with something taboo? i think i was maybe 11 or 12 years old but it was all peer influence, i was lucky to have parents who were never homophobic and never taught me to hate? so this “hesitation” towards this word was something that was instilled into me by my schoolmates who treated it as if it was something shameful and to make fun of. anyway, i told that girl to mind her own business and i was silent and sulking for the rest of the party.

several days later i was at the mall with my parents who asked me what was wrong bc i had been behaving weirdly since the party and i remember telling them exactly “we were playing a game and [girl’s name] asked me if i were…” and i didn’t finish the sentence. “if you were?” and i still was hesitant to answer but then i said “gay” in a really small voice and i remember getting super flustered and feeling so embarrassed?? and my parents just looked at each other and i think that was the start of everything lol in the next years through middle and high school i was so confused about myself i was refusing to label myself bc i thought i was “figuring myself out” and for a long while i thought i was bisexual. i used to tell my ex best friend about these doubts that i had and she was always a bit weird about it 🧍‍♀️

she randomly asked me shit like “do you wanna have sex with a guy? if you had a boyfriend would you have sex with him? would you suck his dick?” and shit like that and i always was so embarrassed about answering those questions? because my answer was always a straight up no, but i thought something was wrong with me if i didnt wanna do stuff with men. despite that, i still didnt truly question my attraction to men, i just went “yeah i mean all girls secretly think that men are ugly right that’s normal” for SO MANY YEARS LOL i thought everyone had the same experience??? i reached the point where i was 100% sure of my attraction to girls and i was forcing myself to be attracted to men as well bc “that’s the right thing for me”. i forced myself to be enthusiastic when my friends talked about boyfriends, i forced myself to pretend to have a crush on celebrities and THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT LIKE ONE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS TV SHOW WITH MY MOM AND THERE WAS I THINK ORLANDO BLOOM AS A GUEST AND I GOT THE IDEA OF PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM BC I THOUGHT HE WAS “THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN EVER” AND I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR INSISTENTLY TELLING MY MOM “LOOK AT HIM HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE OH I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM” TO SHOW MY MOM I LIKED MEN 💀💀💀💀💀💀 I DID THAT A LOT IT’S LIKE I WANTED VALIDATION FOR IT i want to bury myself in sand thinking of this

anyway after an extremely failed coming out to my grandma whom i saw for the first time ever expressing disgust at the thought of me potentially being attracted to women i was terrified to do it again and i refused to tell any other member of my family. i still haven’t truly come out and i don’t think i ever will tbh even if i know my parents would love me and accept me regardless i still think of my grandma’s reaction and i start legit crying whenever i think of that

march 2020 comes and i finally accept that i am a lesbian. how did that happen? i was watching harry potter and i went “holy shit i wanna fuck hermione” literally that’s it nothing else. nothing else. that was that. that’s how i knew 100% i was a lesbian and i was tired of pretending i wasn’t. don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how but that’s literally what happened.

and that’s when everything started making sense tbh? like i just felt as if i had a huge huge burden lifted off myself for the first time ever? i said it out loud and i felt happy? the more i said it, the happier i felt? through the years i had always known deep down i didn’t like men, i was just pretending i was, comp-het was hitting me SO HARD and then finally i stopped letting it influence me.

what helped me was asking myself extremely specific questions after that to be sure, in the same fashion my ex bestie used to be weird about it when i “came out” to her. i imagined myself in really specific situations with fantasy boyfriends, i asked myself what i liked about men and the answer was always “nothing”, i asked myself “could i be capable of falling in love with a man?” and the way i was setting standards so high and ridiculous for any human for my “dream man” was the obviously negative answer to that question, i asked myself more intimate questions like “if it came down to it would you ever actually sleep with a man?” and the answer was always a solid no. basically putting myself in theoretical situations is what helped me finally understand. i had done that through the years and my answers were the same since the beginning, but i still refused to admit the truth to myself, until one day i just stopped.

and that’s my journey LOL it’s kinda pathetic tbh,,,,,, i could’ve been much happier with myself if i had just admitted it to myself since the beginning, bc deep down i always knew. would’ve spared me years of not feeling okay with myself, would’ve spared me years of surrounding myself with the wrong people who caused me terrible pain every time i heard them say lesbians are disgusting. but anyway, what’s done is done and i’m just happy now i get to be free and accept myself for who i am, unapologetically. on the internet. bc in real life i’m still traumatized 🚶‍♀️

i think questions are the easiest place to start. imagine yourself in situations, ask yourself how would you act and why. figure yourself out bit by bit and take your time to understand what you like. don’t ever let yourself feel pressured by anyone, don’t even let yourself feel pressured by the need of labels. don’t let anyone tell you your experiences are wrong or not valid, don’t let anyone tell you there’s a set way to explore your identity, don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. if you need to vent, my dms are always open. be happy exploring your identity, there is no right way to do it. and remember that you’re always valid. 💜

[duelofthefatesmp3]

i DO actually wanna know how youd make kotor 3 !!!!!

this ask has been sitting on my inbox for so long on PURPOSE! i wanted some time to re read the revan book + watch some swtor gameplays so i could give a concrete answer about why the book and swtor arent satisfactory and what i would do instead (im not like. a storytelling god so i this is just my PERSONAL idea). under the cut!

to begin with, what's wrong with revan the book and swtor, mai?

i am very fond of swtor i think it was such a nice idea to have an "open" world game set in star wars old republic time. but ultimately, it was not a good conclusion to revan and meetra's storyline! now, i don't really know what happened in the development of the third kotor game (if there ever was a plan for one) but it's clear they dropped the ball on that and decided to start a whole different project. i don't think we can blame disney for that one, because it was announced on 2008, launched in 2011, and disney had just bought star wars that year. so who knows.

the thing is that it's painfully evident that a bunch of the story that was gonna be in the third game, ended up in the book + misc parts of swtor. much of the book feels like a gameplay.

now, it was clear when the book was planned that they wanted to keep revan's story open so when the game came out, they could have a cool Revan storyline so he could make a cool villain appearence and draw in some of that kotor nostalgia. which ehhhhhh. uh. i don't really think did any favors for revan's character. he didn't have a satisfactory arc (I'm not saying "a happy ending" because good arcs aren't always happy) but at least some closure?

revan went through many big events in his life. we didnt need to keep his ass in stasis for his fun villain moments 300 years later. we already had what we wanted from him: jedi turned sith turned jedi again to defeat a terrible threat. that was it we could have let it there and it would have been cool! but then they decided to drag and drag his story just to leave him right where he was before. he just suffered a little more in the in-between.

you could say he finally redeemed himself of all of his crimes this way, but wasn't that the whole purpose of the first kotor game (and would have been the purpose of the 3rd?)

swtor does not centre revan in his own narrative. he's a side character for the player to experience. and look, i get it, we've had a different protag on each game, why not have another one in this one. well, because the protagonist has no personal relationship with revan. meetra was one of his closest friends, and fought with him. there is a connection that can be exploited. but the swtor protagonist is just some guy 300 years in the future who happens to stumble into revan and his life. not even his descendants get to fully interact with revan.

also, there is the fact that revan is not the centre of the game itself, only of a particular storyline. and it's weird, because swtor could have happened without revan's involvement.

ms. meetra surik, ms. bastila shan, women of the world I'm sorry

so it's no news that star wars is misogynistic as fuck right. cause it is.

so you decide to make your gender neutral protagonist a guy. then you decide to make your other gender neutral protagonist a woman. cool. now let's guess who gets underdeveloped, turned into a plot device without reason, and promptly fridged in the most unceremoniously fashion just to fullfil some manpain moments. which one do you think got that treatment.

i know the revan book is supposed to be about revan, but why make meetra go through a whole arc just to undermine her character and turn her into the faithful servant of the guy? she leaves everything behind for him, sacrifices herself for him, hell not even dead is she not serving the guy. and she was the second game’s protagonist! she beat up a bunch of powerful people and now she’s just meh, there? she had so many interesting ways to interact with revan (meeting kreia, revan’s first master, encountering another force consuming entity, etc.)

meetra went through a whole arc about dealing with the guilt of doing something horrible and having the consequences of it cut her from the force. we see her broken, then slowly come back to the world and reconnect herself with the force, then stop running and face the consequences of her role in the war. thats such a cool character with tons of potential! and nothing happened!

then we got bastila who is. a whole deal. so you make her go through a “promising jedi who defeated revan, to questioning reluctant companion, to fell into the dark side, to was redeemed thanks to her bond to revan, who helped her come back because he’d been through the same experience” arc, and then you decide to push her to the side to have a baby?? which is... its clear that the writer didnt know what to do with her (or with the other characters outside of canderous) so hey, lets get her to marry revan and have a baby.

my ideal kotor 3

to preface, im not a game developer, so some of my choices could be stunted by what a kotor rpg can do lol. of course, it would follow the same mechanics and have the same format as the first two, because consistency!

the fun way to start the game, would be from scourge’s perspective. we get to play as a sith! i’d even say you get to change scourge’s name and gender and looks (i know sith have different looks)

in scourge’s storyline, we get from his arrival to normound kaas, to his talks with nissyris, to his missions working for her. in some of these, we can make scourge lean into the dark or the light side! fun! plus we get some exposition with dialogue options. it all continues untill we get to nissirys story about the emperor. we get a fucked up cutscene of his childhood and then BOOM when its over, we see revan waking up from a nightmare and their pov starts.

ok, as for revan’s story, since we’d have to pick it up from where kotor ended, i’d have a little cutscene of revan back into the ebon hawk, with bastila, and them telling the crew to take them to courascant. then cut to a council meeting where revan and bastila get scolded in private, then rewarded by the republic. i would also like to see some revan mournink malak’s death mayhaps. since he was their childhood friend and all.

i would 100% scrape the marriage and two years passed part. as the book said, the council had no use for revan aside from the legend(tm), so why would they stay in courascant. revan was very alienated from the jedi at that point, despite being back in the “light side”

then like, to revan asking around for meetra and other jedi from the mandalorian wars, we can cash in that atris cameo, then revan starts to have these visions about the sith emperor, and maybe we could get a playable dream sequence about revan’s fight with mandalore the ultimate (I KNOW I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT.) and we get the whole exposition to mandalore telling revan that the sith are behind it all. i believe we should get a bunch of these flashback/dream sequences of revan’s past doing shit. cut to revan burying the mask in a planet, then back to the present. we see a bunch of mission and juhani scenes trying to reach him, but he keeps pushing them away. revan and bastila meet canderous, travel to the ice planet, meet clan ordo (god i love clan ordo) you get the whole quest, you decide weather to spare veela or not, maybe you get a cheeky mandalorian companion (force sensitive mando oh?) and leave canderous behind.

we can visit like, a couple more planets searching for clues maybe, etc. then when reaching nathema, you are forced to go alone as revan, get to explore nathema a bit (raiding ancient location yay) nathema as a location can be so fun because you can have it weaken you hp bar and also you cant use the force (which, in game is pretty cool)

then we get to scourge and nyssiris arriving to the planet, they fight but since theres two of them and revan doesn’t have the force, they beat the shit out of them, and while running away, they get in a fight with bastila and the companions in the ebon hawk (ebon hawk shooting game my hated). bastila manages to get a glimpse of revan’s thoughts before they take them away. but the ebon is so ruined it takes bastila, t3 and the mandalorian a while to fix it, and they get stuck into the unknown regions for a while. the ebon hawk is left in an outer rim planet with t3 fixing it, bastila and the mandalorian run back to the jedi council, only to get caught in the middle of the jedi civil war. we can have bastila choosing to hide in courascant and trying to make sense of what she saw, reading texts about the sith empire, trying to plot a course to where they took revan (more atris! but shes pissed at her now)

cutscene to meetra’s pov, leaving malachor v behind, getting calls from everyone at the hawk (atton my beloved) but just as she’s leaving she gets a force message from revan, calling for her to find him and sending visions of normound kaas. then, through her force bond with visas, she tells her not to go because they’re gay and in love and whatnot.

then boom, she gets intercepted by bastila’s ship, with the mandalore and the other mandalorian (yes i do love having a bunch of mandos on board) and they go on their way to find revan.

now i want there to be an underlying message of “we can’t take our friends with us because we have to do this ALONE we’re powerful JEDI we don’t need our FRIENDS.” meetra gets asked if she wants to bring any friends and she’s like “no. we have to do this alone.” along the game you get constantly contacted by other game characters, you get the chance to talk to them or ignore them.

so, we get back to nathema, and meetra has a whole “holy shit this is just like darth nihilus but ten times worse. but i beat darth nihilus. i can do this!” then she finds peace in this place without the force, we get a whole speech about how the odds arent against them, they find a way to normound kaas, and get going.

in normound kaas i thought about them getting a whole mission about how to infiltrate the citadel, only to get helped by scourge. he joins the party, we get a little flashback of all the years he spent trying to make revan remember and they storm the citadel. we get to fight the dark council members, fun! then we get to free revan and the game switches povs. bastila hands the mask to revan and he has a cool “yes im revan im pretty cool” then a nice heartfelt yet rushed reunion with everyone.

then have a small CONVERSATION WITH MEETRA where she talks about the sith triumvirate she defeated and revan is impressed with her and is like “we are the last hope of the jedi, we’ve learned to walk between light and dark, we’ve done horrors but we can still make things right, our experience has made us more powerful etc.

then they fight the imperial guard, ALL OF THEM, meetra revan and scourge make it into the throne room, they all fight the emperor. meetra shows the emperor that she has seen the void, she has cut herself from the force, and she’s not afraid of him, revan supports her, talks about redemption and hope  and NOW.

NOW. how the alternate endings could go:

if you decide to take scourge through the light side, he manages to form a forcebond with meetra and revan since they’ve both teached something about the duality of the force, they get 100% stronger, but its still not enough. UNTIL. a bunch of ships (jedi and mandalorian, even non republic ships) arrive to dormound kaas, the gangs from each game storm the room and together they make the emperor and his guard a bunch of punching bags. they beat him! (unknow to them, this was a backup body because the emperor can do weird shit like that, and has only debilitated his plan, but he’ll come back dont worry). then they fly back to the republic, to tell the chancellor about the sith threat, and preparations for the war begin. meetra and revan get to live happily ever after for a while, then they die away from the jedi or the sith (waaah im thinking about them helping canderous rebuild the mandalorians, and them doing it since they killed so many mandos in the war)

BECAUSE IN THE END KOTOR IS ABOUT LEARNING TO PROCESS TRAUMA AND RECOGNIZE YOUR MISTAKES AND LIVE WITH THE GUILT WHILST TRYING TO FIX THE MISTAKES YOU MADE ALONG THE WAY. AND ALSO TO HEAL FROM TRAUMA YOU NEED A SUPPORT SYSTEM SO EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES SENSE TO YOU YOU SHOULDNT PUSH PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AWAY. AND THINGS AREN’T BLACK AND WHITE ITS COMPLICATED SO YOU DONT END UP BACK ON SQUARE ONE YOURE A CHANGED PERSON.

or

if you decide to dark side scourge further, he betrays revan and meetra, they all die, and the emperor unleashes his angry lightning or whatever on everyone + a bunch of visions of all the enemies of past mocking them, and their loved ones suffering. and since you’ve had that “im not calling my friends bullshit” no one comes, you die there, and the emperor is only stalled for a few years. swtor ensues. scourge becomes the emperor’s hand.

now you could of course bring revan and meetra up in swtor, but maybe only as force ghost guides, or have some of the other characters of the game have relevance (visas tries to heal the miraluka planet 2021)

WELL THAT WAS A LOT OF WORDS. HOPE THIS IS SATISFYING ENOUGH

[words-for-holland]

Happier (2) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Kate and Harrison question Y/N on why she really left Tom. Natalie and Harrison become Tom’s shoulder to cry on. Another message?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

A/N: By popular demand, Ive decided to continue Happier! Thank you for the support !

Traumatic

The only word that can describe Y/N and Tom’s experience after being apart for a whole week. The feeling where you wake up from an awful nightmare praying to never experience it again. The only difference, this was no nightmare. It was very much real.

Happiness and love were now just meaningless words for them. Days and nights can pass, but the emptiness in their hearts stayed. While Y/N had her fair share of reasons for being apart, Tom still couldnt understand. She had to have known that no matter what, Tom would always pick her. With the slightest ounce of hope, he’d text Y/N at least once a day to make sure she was okay. But each unanswered text brought a wave of disappointment.

“Hey mate...Cmon I know you’re waiting for her, but now’s not the time.” Harrison explained, his heart breaking for his best friend. “You need to give her the space she needs.”

“I just cant believe she really left me.” Tom muttered. His head hung low, hair an unruly mess, and his facial hair sprouting, but his eyes remained the same. Brown, puffy and welled up with tears. “All because of these stupid fucking rumors!” He yelled out in frustration throwing his phone at the closet. Tom sulked into the closet to grab his phone, right next to it was a small box that contained a promise he was going to make to her, had everything not gone all to shit.

“Shit...” Harrison muttered. “You were going to propose to her.” He knew Tom was bound to pop the question to Y/N, but he never thought he’d see the day that she would fall out and leave his best friend. Yet, it all seemed off. In the time he knew Y/N, she was never the one to give up, especially when it came to Tom.

“Yeah...I was going to ask on our anniversary next month. I love her...more than anything.” Tom confessed, staring at the diamond cut ring. “Before she left, she wished me happiness. Saying I’d be happier with Natalie, but i just don’t believe that.”

Harrison was about to open his mouth, when Natalie popped in their doorway, giving a small sympathetic smile. “Hey...I heard you two in the hallway. Is everything alright?” She asked.

“Mmm..Nat. I don’t think now’s the —”

“No it’s okay. She can come in.” Tom interrupted Harrison as he gestured Natalie to sit with them.

“Look. I know you’re upset by the whole thing, but you shouldn’t have to be.” She explained, her hand rubbing Tom’s for comfort. “She left you. For what? Because she couldn’t ignore a few comments about us...When there wasnt an us to begin with? She just didn’t care about you as much as you thought she did.”

“Yeah, but Natalie this is Y/N and Tom. The bond between them was supposed to be unbreakable. They’re practically soulmates.” Harrison argued. “It doesn’t mean that Y/N didnt care for him.”

“Look Im just saying if she really loved Tom with all her heart she wouldnt have left him because of me.” Natalie spoke out, flipping her dirty blonde hair to the side. She grabbed Tom’s hand again, and gently stroked soft circles. For Tom it felt good, but it wasn’t Y/N’s touch. Y/N would have traced squiggly lines on the top of his hand because it was less boring.

Harrison scoffed at her gesture. Sure he had known Natalie to be a flirt at times but never picked her to be the friend that got too friendly with another after a messy breakup. “I’ll be back. Have to make a call.” He muttered as he walked away from the most cringey and awkward situation a person has ever been in.

As Harrison made his call, Natalie scooted closer to Tom, leaning on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. “Tom...I know it hurts, but you have to believe she wasn’t right for you. There are so many girls out there that could treat you better.”

“What like you?” Tom rolled his eyes as he put the ring away.

“If you wanted me, yes I could. I’d handle your career and your personality better than anyone else. I dont want to seem forward but I always imagined you’d end up with me. Its silly but I wanted that with you, the whole romantic movie experience.” She explained, endlessy spilling out her idealistic fantasy with him.

Tom was shocked by what he heard. To him Natalie was just a friend he had known most of his life. Maybe there was one time he did have a slight crush on her but that was just it. It was an attraction and nothing more. He thought for a great deal, wondering if this was where it all went wrong. Maybe he should have listened to Y/N more. “Tom did you hear what I said?” Natalie spoke up again, this time threading her fingers on the nape of his neck.

Tom shrugged her off, as he shook his head. He couldnt do this right now, he needed to be alone. “Look lets deal with this another time. I just...I really need to run right now...alone.” Tom excused himself as he grabbed his airpods and quickly left the room. Truthfully he always hated running, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Meanwhile back in the States, Y/N still felt the affects of her heartbreak. She trudged through the New York apartment like a zombie with no purpose, waiting for someone to finish her off already. It wasn’t like she wanted to break it off, but it was the only logical solution at the time. The only problem, it built off a lifetime of regrets.

Kate watched Y/N from afar, the message she read still clouding her mind. Her best friend was terrible at keeping secrets, let alone she was always the first person Y/N would go to if she ever had one. She observed her very closely, waiting for Y/N to come to her.

Kate felt the usual vibrations of someone calling her phone. Again another unknown number? It was almost similar to the one Y/N had recieved. Maybe it was a robo-call or a psychotic fan, which if it was she’d have to talk with Tom about. A mental note she promised she would get too.

“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend...I swear to God I’ll fucking punch you in the face.” Kate threatened, her eyes glaring and fist balling up on the counter.

“Whoa...chill out. It’s me, Harrison. Im a friend of Tom’s.”

Kate looked up with surprise with a helpful pinch of embarassment and relief. “Oh. Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to know how Y/N’s holding up. I know she broke up with Tom, but something’s just not right about this. Has she told you anything?” Harrison confessed.

Kate shook her head as she continued to watch Y/N lie on the couch mindlessy scrolling through an already watched list on Netflix. “No. It’s like her soul left her body. I can barely get through to her.”

“Blimey, it’s the same with Tom. This is ridiculous, we should just get them together so they can talk about it.” Harrison groaned, thinking how stupid this all was. They could have saved each from the heartbreak and depression. “Are you sure there’s nothing she told you?”

Kate hesitated for a moment on whether she should answer. “Well... there may be one thing, but she didnt talk per say. It’s more of what I found.”

Harrison stood up, intrigued by her response. “Oh really what did you find?”.

Kate was about to answer until she hear a text go off on her phone.

Unknown:

I wouldnt say anything if I were you 😚

She squinted at the text when another popped up.

Unknown:

That is...if you want to keep your friendship with Y/N 🤫

“Uhh..it was nothing actually. Just found a wallpaper of her and Tom. She hasnt changed it since they broke up and she got a couple of messages......from Tom.” She lied haphazardly.

Harrison was confused and disappointed by her answers, knowing it led to nothing. While Kate was a great liar among all things, this wasn’t her best work. Of course it was all planned in hopes that Harrison, if he was really smart enough, could figure it out.

Harrison was not that smart, but he was a good lie detector, and that was all he needed to know something was definitely up and Natalie, although may be a good friend of his, became a prime suspect.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams

[chaos-and-recover]

I am married to someone with an intense, if only midsized, fanbase. Parasocial relationships have been a part of our lives since long before it was a buzzword. It is weirdly fascinating to us, but sometimes a bit frightening. Now that it is the buzzword of the hour, seeing it misattributed is one of our pet peeves. I have seen people claim any amount of interaction on the fan's end is "pick me" (although fan interaction is necessary for his job) or claim that him utilizing social media makes him more culpable for forcing parasocial relationships on the fans because of power imbalances. If he is obvious about promoting something, though, it doesn't go over well because audiences don't want to feel like their being advertised to. Parasocial relationships are sometimes hurtful and scary on our end. 1) There was a woman who had been following his career since the 90s, when he wasn't as well known. She would often send him letters, gifts. Within the past 5 years something changed. I don't know why, but she suddenly began to consider him a boyfriend of sorts. He had never responded to these letters. I discovered she had been catfishing me under my private, locked social media accounts under a fake name, pretending to be someone I knew from high school. He blocked her on all social media. She harassed his coworkers until they blocked her too. A friend of mine said she went on TikTok to brag about how overly sensitive celebrities will block if you call them out for not being better than regular people. Meanwhile, we got a letter from her last year begging for him to forgive whatever she did that offended him. 2) 15ish years ago, in a magazine interview, my husband states his fave color. 2 years ago, I was having lunch with a friend, without my husband. A younger woman approached the table. She asksnif my husband was around and I said that he wasn't. Immediately her tone and expression changed to something nasty. She asked if I would at least give him a painting she had done of him. It was all done in various shades of the same color. I commented on this and she sneered at me with; "It's his fave color." I am still trying to be polite at this point and casually go; "Oh is it?" and she ery rudely snaps that I am his wife and I don't know his fave color like SHE does, so I have had it and say, assertively that I've had enough and she needs to leave. I gave it to my husband and told him the encounter. He laughed about it and said that it wasn't his fave color anymore. I had never thought to ask about his fave color because it just didn't seem important to either of us. He had never asked mine. Her twitter handle was on the painting so I looked it up. Her and a few friends were discussing the incident, using my first and last initials and my husband's first. They were discussing how clearly they know him deeper than I do, that he must secretly hate me if his own wife doesn't understand him like she does, and she altered the story so that she had seen him there earlier so I was clearly lying and that she had timidly approached the table and I had screamed at her that the color was ugly. I don't watch his interviews unless he specifically asks me to, because this is like listening in on someone's work meeting. This has been misconstrued by "fans" that I don't support him. I absolutely do, 200%, probably more than they support their husband's jobs, but watching his interviews isnt how i support him. I support him in our home, in our phone calls, in other ways he appreciates in our personal lives. Parasocial relationships are absolutely fine, until people start to believe they aren't in one, or that it is somehow more substantial than personal relationships the celebrities have with their loved ones. They truly think that they can Sherlock Holmes someone enough to truly know them better than the ones who actually know them in real life. (Sorry if you got this multiple times. Tumblr said it didnt send my ask.)

(Same anon from before) What fans need to understand is that parasocial relationships are good. It is fine to be a fan of someone, support their career, analyze them and write fanfiction and draw fanart of them or their characters. This is how my husband keeps his job, this is completely normal fan behavior. It isnt bad for the sake of existing. But they need to be aware that it is parasocial. I think the problem doesn't lie with parasocial relationships so much as when those in the relationship aren't aware that it is parasocial. Those who are aware of it being parasocial aren't the ones claiming that I do not know my husband but that they do or sending him love letters thinking their in a relationship with him. Those who know it is parasocial know that there is a difference between him answering questions in an interview (after being coached by a professional on how to appear and how to speak, and going into it knowing 90% of the questions) and having a conversation when there aren't cameras around, behind closed door. There is a difference between remembering a list of favorite things and watching someone enjoy those things in the moment every day in person. You just HAVE to be aware that they ARE parasocial.

First of all I gotta say I'm SUPER curious who you are (obviously you don't have to tell me!)! I've heard and seen things like what you described happen in several different fandoms of varying popularity, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. But you're 100% right, engaging in regular fandom behaviour is perfectly normal, even interacting with creators/actors/musicians/whoever on social media (or in person if you meet them). It's HOW you interact with them. You need to both have your own and respect their boundaries.

I'm a fan of a couple 80s/90s boybands, as you just... ARE as an elder millennial lmao, and I can understand how easy it is as a young teen to go too far and cross boundaries because you just don't have the life experience or really, emotional regulation to interact with your idols in a normal way. But I've seen that now carry on well into adulthood, the things grown-ass women TO THIS DAY say about the wives of some of these band members is shocking (maybe not to you though since you've lived it!). I've had several conversations where I've had to remind people that literally every interaction they've had with these people at official meet & greets and stuff, even to an extent their interactions on social media, it's like the famous-person equivalent of Customer Service Voice. They're working! Of course they're nice to you when you paid like $500 to talk to them for thirty seconds! It doesn't mean you're friends!

(Not shaming paid M&Gs, I've done them, I'd do them again, it's an opportunity my 13 year old self never thought she'd had but like... I'm not secretly dating a Backstreet Boy because I met them for five seconds, y'know?)

Anyway yeah... all this to say, you're right. Parasocial relationships are a natural part of fandom and they're FINE and GOOD you just gotta respect boundaries.