#i didnt even think to use a numbing cream

[periwinkle-the-11th]

It just hit me that I jabbed safety pins through my ears yesterday.

[theddude]

Lately i cannot sleep, at all, im exhausted, so mentally exhausted my brain isnt working anymore.... I dont know how you do it but i think you have the same?... how do you attend al the things you do with your partner when you as numb as i... you are doing your best i think, i know you do,... but how much a mask can cope?... ive got masks now as well... put them on while im with family or not alone, it drains me from energy... every brief moment im alone the mask slides of, and i have tears in my eyes and my mouth is sobbing, because all of those moments I can think with emotion about you...

I gett questions a lot, 'are you okay' 'you are not here, are you alright', ' do we need to get you help'... no, no and probably yes.... my only help would be Miss C back in my life,...its love,... its deep love, ifs unbelieveble deep love, its true love...

Beginning as colleagues into friends, into best friends, into lovers, into soul mates...what else do you want more...

Do you remember before I trueley knew you, I was at your reception, there was a game, about you and your partner, about who drives the best, I put my sign up for you,... all of your family looked at me... like.. huh howcome... I wasnt making a mistake, I did it on purpose,... because back then I already knew you need more love than meets the eye.... I couldnt hugg you then, I only had deep interest for you, and knew the person who was you with back then was never going to be able to give that all you needed,... you looked to me like suchs a wonderful person, who deserves so much more love, and shedding of all your masks.... some people can see through your masks, i believe(and understood) that i could....

Would it not be easier to live with someone without a mask? I believe it would,.. I could also see the mask you dad was wearing,... al the time... seems so exhausting too,.... i wish you didnt chose for a life in love with masks, but together with me without masks...everybody has masks, but should not need them around their partners...

You are not your Dad(or mom), you are not as good as your latest hickup, No you are You! And you are not valued by what you did, but by who you are,... AND YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING!,...you deserve the atmost repect and love, and not only love when the other wants it,... no, love when you want it and need it, that means love for you, cuddling, hugging, kissing, caring, caressing, talking, pouring emotions, listening, listening, holding you, consoling you, holding you,...

You need more than a manchild... hope you know that,... its dangerous,...

I'd love to marry you, and spend my life together with you, if you are ready for kids, then we have kids if you want ofc, if you want more pets, we gett more pets, you and i can be so happy!

Do you remember you bought your first satisfyer together with me? I do, you where so nervous, but you did it! We used it often, loved you playing with it, I dont see love purely as penetration, it is love for and with each other, pleasing you was always so much fun,.. for instance, loved all the times when my dick was out and you directly started stroking it, i knew you loved me stroking you to, on your lips, nipples, neck, mouth, arms, legs, butt, thighs,...

I remember you playing with your satisfyer and you asking me to put my dick in you, and then fuck you while you came with the satisfyer, it was suchs a good feeling!

Or like last time, you on your belly in bed, im stroking and fingering you, and you jerking me off, we both came, we both creamed, we both had awesome sounds doing that,... that was our love too....

While im typing this, thinking about you, ofc i gett a huge boner, and you know, i always gett, no matter how down i am or how much pads i see in the underwear or dots on your face,...i always gett a boner for you, because it is all so beautifull! I see passed the marks and scars and stuff, I see your eyes, your smile, your magnificent body!

Even now, sad because you are not here with me, sad because of the distance, sad of the things that happened,... I still can close my eyes in tears, and while stroking my boner, imagine you in front of me, or naked in bed, or naked on the couch, getting ready to sit on top of my, slowely riding me, and harder and harder and faster and faster, im holding your tits, kissing you if we can, im biting your nipples, grabbing your ass, ...or in bed when you liked it rough, me pulling your hair, riding you hard....so much fun, so much love!

I miss you love, with every fiber in my mind and body, im certain we belong together, I think you know that to,... love you beauty, ... i dont know where you are,.but you can always come home to me...

Your true love,

Patrick

[dsksjshaoibskkahb]

sitting in my mothers kitchen, shirt staind and snacking on pretzeps beside her. i am seven years old. my shirt and pants are big, and im tired and not really concious anymore. she is seen shaking jer head in dissapointmemt. already the shadow of my brother.

i do not know what dissasociation feels like. i am in my body but looking on as if it was fading away from me. low droning noise. i am sevrn snd i am 18 and i am 30, happy, far away. wishing that i didnt come with all these defaults that separate me from my brother.

i am seven but already i am loved, just not loved the same as my brother. quiet babysitter. rain. silence. i am at peace. my mother thinks i do not know how she is dissapointed in me.

the lesser brother. the sister. the rooms i was never alloaed to be in. a cold, soft bubble of the creek behind us, the pleasent rush of a waterfall behind. cold, cold river. the air is brisk. the house is red. crisp fall leaves on old, woody walking trails. through fields, through woods, over bridges. i am seven. i am seven.

i am ceying. my mother is cryinf. she thinks she failed me. i know she hates me. she hates ans is sick of who i am. she cries when she thinks im not looking. when she thinks shes out of earshot. she hates me. my dad calls. he spesks to me lile im a startled animal. or a dying friend he lost touch with.

ultimately what i want in a girlfriend or a wife. someone who i can trust to be 7 around. someone who can ocassionally put up caring for me like a toddler once every month or two. even less. someone who lets me quietly follow her around, someone ewho opens juice cups for me, someone who lulls me to sleep at night. but who can also still can find romantic interest in me.

i know that this is a tall order. a burden. we wouldnt have to partske in this child thing all the time. omce a monthr. or five. everh other hear. ill takr whatever i csn get.

i am 8. new jersey parks. it is just past the end of summer, wtih nippy cold days in between slightly less chilly weather. pleasant fall. colourful leaves on the ground. cold enough i almost dread the ice cream truck that runs through. new jersey is cold. i miss being 6, walking the dog with my uncle and my brother. watching them talk in silence, though i ocadsionally talk to the dog. i am freezing, hands and fsce numb. i mjss the old paths we used to take.

i need a cat. i need a dog. i need a woodburning fireplace. big windoed snd calm silence. the river. pumpkins on the doorstep. crying again. last few trips to stories before it closed for thr winter. all anyone expects me to do is folllow. i just want to follow.

[l-egionaire]

Owl House Fic - Remember Me

They'd been close before he was gone.

He'd called her his "princesa", his "pequeña estrella fugaz", and all sorts of of other cute nicknames delivered while she was swaddled in his arms or being given tickly mustache kisses by him.

He was the only person who ever seemed to be able to get her under control. Whenever she had too much energy and was bouncing off the walls, he'd give her some crayons and a pad of paper or ask her to help him with a project while making it sound like an exciting game. Thus, she was able to channel all her overexcitement into something productive. If she tried to do something risky, like play witch by jumping off her bed while holding a broomstick, he was able to talk her out of it and help her find a safer activity.

He was just as weird as she was. Where she was obsessed with magic and witches, he fawned over art. He talked her ear off all the time about famous artists, sculptors, and painters. He planned trips for him, her, and Mamá to go to museums, practically vibrating with joy at all the different works they saw. Anytime he didn't spend at his job at the auto shop was spent painting, drawing, and sculpting. She was always amazed whenever she saw his hands seem to almost effortlessly glide across a paper or through wood and turn an ordinary object into something extraordinary. It was like real magic and the first time she saw it, she begged him to teach her. Every Saturday became their art day where he would teach her his craft bit by bit, revealing to her the secrets of the magic he practiced.

More than anything though, he was her best friend. All the other kids were usually scared off by her intensity, so he was the only person willing to play with her. They'd read stories together, him doing funny voices and helping her sound out the hard parts. They'd eat massive ice cream sundaes smothered in peanuts, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. Before diving into them he'd wink and make her promise not to tell Mamá he fed her so much sugar. They made so many drawings, crafts, and paintings that they almost ran out of room to put them all. He was without a doubt the person she was closest to in her life.

Which is why it hurt so much when he left them.

She was 8 years old. It was just an ordinary day, specifically a Saturday. Their art day. The two of them had been working hard on finishing a family portrait that they'd been working on as a surprise for the upcoming Mother's day. Unfortunately, he had been called in to work, so she'd spent most of the day in the living room waiting for him to come back, their art supplies set out and ready to use the minute to get back.

Her heart filled with joy when she heard the sounds of her mamá coming down the steps, sure that she was about to tell her that he was on his way home and ready to start painting with her. She moved to hide their half-finished painting from view as her mamá came in, but her smile faded when she saw the hollow expression on her face.

She'd never forget what she said next.

"Luz....mija, I'm sorry. Your papá, he's....he's gone."

Mamá then began to tell Luz how papá had been driving home from work but, another driver hadn't been watching where he was going when they hit her father's car. But Luz could barely hear her, as the words "your papá is gone" repeated inside her head. She didnt even react when mamá bent down and gave her a tight, shaky hug.

Luz went through the next week and a half completely numb. She did things like eating and going through the school day on autopilot. Whenever anyone talked to her she responded with short answers in a monochrome tone. Even her dreams, which used to be filled with vivid magical adventures were now empty and black.

She finally started to come to her senses on the day of the funeral. Mamá put her in a new black dress and they drove to meet with her abuela on her papá's side. The two of them embraced each other tearfully, mamá rubbing soothing circles into her back as she thanked her for being in his life.

They and the rest of his relatives all rode together to the funeral home. Inside was the casket with Papá's body inside. Everyone took turns going up to it and saying their goodbyes. When Luz and her mamá's turn came up, Luz felt a sharp pain in her heart at seeing him laying in the coffin. She had the urge to kiss him on the forehead in the hope he might wake up like the princess in a movie they'd seen together once. But her mamá held her back.

Afterward they had a ceremony where people came up and talked about Papá and his effect on their life. So many stories Luz had never heard about him. Once the ceremony was over they went back to the cars and drove to a cemetery where they had one more speech before Papá's body was buried.

As she watched them lower his casket into the ground, it all finally seemed to hit Luz.

Her Papá was dead.

Which meant no more art Sundays together. No more movie nights with she, him and Mamá snuggled up on the couch, the two of them sneaking kisses while Luz groaned at their mushy romance. No more coming down to find him cooking breakfast, singing along badly to a song blaring from the radio.

He wouldn't be there for her 9th birthday, or her 10th, or 11th. He wouldn't see her graduate from Elementary school along with all the other kids. He wouldn't watch her grow up and become a famous painter like she'd told him she would. They'd never finish their painting for mother's day.

Slowly the sharp pain that she'd felt back in the funeral home came back with even greater strength. It was so intense, she gripped her chest in the hope that would make it stop.

Luz wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to leap down into the grave, bang her fists on the casket and beg her papá to come back to her.

She was seconds away from doing any one of those things or maybe even some combination of the three when she noticed the sound of sniffling come from next to her. She looked over and realized it was coming from Mamá.

For the first time since she'd told her about his death, Luz actually looked at her mamá. She saw the deep anguish on her face. Noticed the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Saw the heavy stream of tears pouring from her eyes despite them already being extremely red. Even her usual bun was frayed and frazzled looking.

Luz gently tugged on the sleeve of her dress. "Mamá? Are you okay?"

She sniffled heavily and warbly replied "Si, Luz. I'm sorry Mija, I just....I can't....." And that was all she could choke out before breaking down into heavier sobs.

Seeing her crying like that, the pain that was in Luz's heart morphed into a deep twisting guilt.

She wasn't the only one who'd lost Papá. Mamá lost him too. She wouldn't be able to go on date nights with him anymore. She wouldn't be able to greet him with a kiss to the cheek when she came down to the kitchen for breakfast. Never get to have their "alone time" Tio Rosa said they had whenever they got Luz to watch her.

And here Luz was. Only thinking of herself. So caught up in her own feelings that she completely ignored how her mamá was feeling. How could she be so selfish?

Despite how tough it was, Luz stuffed all her pain and sadness down and took her mamá's hand. She gently rubbed circles into the back of her palm.

"It's alright mamá. I'm here for you."

She didn't have time to think only about herself. She couldn't be that selfish.

Someone else needed her.

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Burning Secrets Obi Wan Kenobi x Padawan Reader Pt 1

Pairing: Obi Wan Kenobi x Padawan reader

Summary: reader gets injured on a mission and tries to hide it from her master.

Warnings: mild swearing, mention of injury, violence

A.n Hello my lovelies! I absolutely adore Obi Wan and couldn't help but write something about him after rewatching clone wars! Enjoy😊 part 2

*************************************************

You knew the danger that came with every republic mission. Not everyone always survived. And often times you made it out with more than a scratch. But that came along with the job.

Being a padawan meant that you were always put in dangerous situations. Along with your master Obi wan Kenobi. Most of the time things went relatively well. Your master would often bail you out of trouble when things got too sticky.

However this particular mission went a little different..

You were on the planet Saigon, defending against a large group of pirates who attempted to take the planet for themselves. Normally pirates were no match for the jedi forces however they had something they didnt before...the separatist army backing them as well as a new leader, Zoc tane.

Obi wan and you had split up, you took a decent sized squadron and managed to bomb their main camps while Obi Wan worked on freeing the enslaved citizens.

"Y/n, status report" the collected voice of your master broke through the chaos around you. You sliced your lightsaber through one of the battle droids as you brought your wrist up to your mouth.

"We bombed the camps, just finishing off these-" another droid ran up but you ducked under and swiped from behind, "-droids.."

"Very good, finish up quickly and meet me back at the slave camps, we could use the extra help"

"Alright be there as soon as I can" you shouted orders to the men and began fighting off the remaining droids.

"Alright men let's hurry to help the others!" You all jumped atop your speeders and made for the slave camps.

"Sir over there!" Pinks shouted suddenly, you followed the direction of the clones finger until you spotted the familiar face from the briefing this morning.

"Tane.."you growled. quickly you shouted for 2 of the men to follow you and the rest to go aid master kenobi.

"Sir are you sure thats a go-"

"If we let him leave this planet we may never get a chance like this again!" The cadet nodded and hurriedly followed orders.

You were quickly gaining on Tane, he shot some blasts with an arm bent back but you all dodged easily.

After a while of high speed chasing your comlink beeped.

"Y/n! Your men just told me you went after Tane! Don't be foolish, he is much stronger than you, get back here immedi-" with a click you shut off the com and focused on the battle. You could tell him it got messed up in the battle. You were not letting a chance like this slip away. And you were definitely planning to prove yourself by taking Tane down yourself. Just then the criminal threw a little ball backwards.

"BOMB!" you managed to veer right and dodge however pinks wasn't as lucky.

"Speedy, get him to a medical droid!" You shouted at the other clone, not slowing down your pursuit. Before speedy could even try to stop you, you were gone.

Tane eventually landed in front of a small space ship.

You hurriedly jumped off and force threw a giant rock in front of him, successfully blocking his space craft door.

He smirked and turned around. His tentacles moving eerily around him. He was built like master fisto, strong and swift.

"Well done little one, but what will you do now? Surely you aren't thinking of fighting me alone are you?"

You bit your lip, you had planned on at least having the boys with you but that quickly flew out the window. The logical part of you said that you shouldve turned back but the young fighter in you pushed you forward. Eager to prove yourself. You confidently lifted your chin and ignited your saber, "That's exactly what I plan to do"

He smiled even wider, "Well then trust me when I say it wont be much of a fight.." he drew his own weapons, double swords that glowed black. Ugh great, off brand sabers. How many kinds of weapons did he have anyway?!

"We'll see about that!" You sneered and charged forward.

******************************************

"Why must I always get stuck with the most stubborn padawans!" Kenobi shook his head. You were skilled yes, more than anakin had been at that age but you still had much to learn. And Tane was not an enemy to be taken lightly. He sighed with frustration and worry.

"Alright men, let's deal with this as quickly as possible!" He prayed that you would hold your own until he got there. Perhaps you had listened and were already on the way back? Yeah right..maybe in another universe..

**********************************************

The fight had proven to be more difficult than you previously imagined. You could practically hear obi wan tsking.

"I'm almost impressed padawan, your lasting much longer than any of my other opponents, but no matter, soon you'll be dead like the rest of them"

You tensed at his words, he was still relatively unharmed, you managed to place a searing scratch on his arm but that did little to weaken him. Ok new plan..if I can't beat him, I can at least keep him from escaping.

Quickly you force jumped over his head which at first confused him but he quickly realized what you were up to. He glared,

"Stupid little pest!" He jumped after you but you were quick to dodge and made sure to jab your saber wherever possible. When he got a little too close you managed to force push him off which gave you just enough time to jam your saber through the main engine.

You smirked knowing he wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

"Aghh" a burning sensation across your stomach brought your attention back to Tane.

You clutched your stomach and took a few steps back trying to regain your composure.

You tried force pushing him back but he was quicker and kicked you back sending another wave of pain through you.

Shit shit shit, you desperately tried to push yourself up as he walked menacingly towards you. His weapons crackling dangerously at his sides. You tried force calling your fallen saber but it was no use. You were too exausted.

"I must say I'm disappointed" he mocked walking closer.

You managed the best smirk you could through the pain.

"Disappointed? I did destroy your only exit off this planet did I not?"

His smile dropped into a low growl, "Yes.." he lifted the saber high above his head, "and you'll pay for it!"

You tried using the force but found yourself too weak. So this is how it ends...how embarrassing....

Shutting your eyes you resigned yourself to your fate.

Forgive me master

...................

No need for apologies just yet little one

Huh?

The smooth sound of your masters voice floated in your mind.

You snapped your eyes wide open. "Master!" You shouted in surprise.

"Sorry I'm late" he said in his usual playful tone.

"Aghhhh" Zane let out a grunt as Obi Wan pushed him backwards and began dueling. Zane was powerful you had to admit, however he was no match for your master and his years of experience and soon started to show signs of fatigue.

"You alright commander?" Rex came up and offered you a hand. Smiling you accepted and tried to hide the inevitable wince of pain.

You knew he would go straight to kenobi if you were injured in any way and you were determined to hide it as long as possible. It was highly likely that Obi wan would punish you for running into danger alone like that, an injury on top of that would make everything worse. He would probably bar you from missions for a long long long time. And the worst part was how disappointed he would be..

Shifting your robes closed you smiled reassuringly, "I'm fine, I'm assuming things went well on your end?"

He nodded, a look of pride crossing his face,"More than well I'd say, cleaned up those droids in record time" you laughed lightly then drew your attention to a now unconscious Tane.

Stepping close you watched as you master disabled his lightsaber, clipping it back on his belt. Sensing your presence he turned around and offered you a small smile. He scanned your form quickly, satisfied when he didn't notice anything out of place.

"Y/n, looks like I got here just in time" he crossed his arms smirking.

"Oh please, I had the situation completely under control"

He scoffed, "Under control? If that's what you call under control, I'd hate to see your definition of a bad situation"

"Oh hush" you rolled your eyes, " Everything worked out didn't it?"

He sighed shaking his head slightly,"Yes we may have won this time, but you were too reckless, what if I hadn't gotten here in time?" He said, his face a turning serious.

You avoid his gaze, you hated that scolding look he gave you.

"I know...I'm sorry.." you mumbled. With another shake he finally placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Well in any case, you did manage too thwart Tanes escape, for that I say well done" you immediately met his eyes with a beaming smile. He smirked as he couldn't help but feeling slightly proud of his student.

Finally some recognition!

"We can discuss your blantent disregard of my orders later.." he added seriously.

Ughhh whyyyyy

You hung your head down again as he led everyone back to the ship's.

The more you walked the more your injury throbbed. You almost cried in relief when the ships finally came into view. The first chance you got you snuck off into private quarters and assessed the damage.

A nasty dark and ugly wound decorated your stomach. It had blistered and was turning very unflattering shades. You gingerly applied some numbing cream. It was the only useful thing you found in the small med kit. All private quarters had a simple one, small bandages and low dose pain relievers, anything for something more serious was packed near the medical droid. For sure if you ventured there some clone would see you. Many were being treated themselves.

You sighed and debated on wrapping the wound. Wait are you supposed to wrap burns or let them breathe?? Crap you shouldve paid more attention during basic first aid.

You decided to let the wound breathe by changing into one of your training long sleeve crop tops. You swung on your cloak and made sure it covered everything.

Perfect, non restricting and Obi Wan will have no clue. Oh I better remember to be mindful of my thoughts, never know when he could be listening.

Satisfied you walked back out and headed towards the food units...

...........................................................................

The flight home wasn't as dreadful as you previously thought. Your master told you to get some rest which you gladly obeyed. Although it did little to soothe your aches. The cream worked in short bursts, soon you had used up all the supply. If only you could get some of the strong stuff from the med bay...you pondered for a moment but decided against it. Nope you wouldnt risk it. Obi wan had a talent for popping up out of nowhere. Especially so when you were up to something. Sighing you layed back down in the cot and closed your eyes.

******************************************

"Y/n"? Just how long do you plan to sleep?" Your eyes shot open at the sudden voice echoing around you. You squinted and sighed annoyingly when you realized it was just Obi wan.

"Ugh master, didn't you say I should go rest?" You flopped a pillow over your head and flipped sides.

Stupid move, your stomach burned at the sudden twist. You but your lip determined to conceal the pain.

"Rest yes? Hibernate no?" He chuckled softly and force shoved the pillow off of you. You glared up at him through your disheveled hair.

"In case you're unaware, we landed quite some time ago, you've been sleeping quite a long time, I actually came because I was worried you had passed out or something" he joked.

"!!" Even though he was teasing you felt a tinge of worry. You quickly sat up, and did your best to act like your stomach was not being roasted over an open fire at the moment. "I um must've been more tired than I realized" you lamely joked back. You could not believe you actually slept through most the entire trip.

He shook his head amused, "Well hurry up, the council is keen to hear how the mission went"

Oh good lord, anything but that. You felt fear rise in you. Standing for what may be hours in front of the council did not seem like the best treatment for you right now. What if you accidentally let your pain slip through the force and one of them senses it??

A million scenarios ran through your mind as the two of you walked towards the temple meeting room.

"Y/n?" Obi wan side eyed you slightly curious."Everything alright?" You didnt realize you had been so quiet.

You quickly plastered a smile on your face "Yup everythings fine, just dreading the long meeting ahead, I wonder if anyones actually died of boredom before" you joked lightly.

He rolled his eyes and soon the both of you were standing before all members of the jedi council. Heavens help me..

*************************

You had been right, the meeting had been long and boring and a million times worse because of the throbbing burning sensation, however you had held strong and no one seemed to notice anything was wrong.

You let out a sigh of relief when you finally exited. Knowing now you had a decent chance of sneaking some higher grade medical treatments without being spotted.

Just as you were about to make your escape your master called out from behind you.

Heavens when was I going to catch a break?!

Forcing a smile you turned slightly, "yes master?"

"I have some new techniques I want to teach you later, get something to eat and rest for awhile, then meet me in our usual training rooms." You nodded and turned back around heading to your room.

Great now you had to learn new moves while simultaneously hiding your worsening wound. Could this day get any better...

******************************************

You let out a sigh as you stood before the training doors. You had treated the wound and taken some pain pills. You felt much better however it was still very painful to the touch. You would try to avoid any hits but you knew that it was going to be a challenge.

You pressed the button opneing the sealed doors. Your master sat in the middle meditating. He smiled when he noticed your presence, "Ah Y/n, right on time" he stood up and grabbed two training sabers, tossing one to you, "Shall we?" He smirked getting into a fighting stance.

"Ready when you are.." you mirrored his actions swallowing the large lump of nerves.

You were only a half and hour in and you felt as though you had just fought a whole droid army using a stick.

You were sweating profusely and your mind had trouble focusing in order to predict your masters movements. Obi wan stepped back at some point holding his hand up as a signal to stop.

He eyed you with a look you were too exausted to decipher, "Y/n? Is something wrong? I figured with the ship and earlier you had had enough rest, but perhaps I'm missing something?" His voice was now laced with concern and confusion.

Shaking your head you mustered up your most confident tone, "I'm perfectly alright master, just getting used to these new techniques is all" you assured him.

Now that he was already suspicious, you had to be extra cautious. Your master was no idiot. If you slipped up, he would notice.

He swiped at his beard in thought, after a moment he relaxed, "Alright I'll take your word for it, now then shall we continue?" He lunged forward suddenly and you quickly blocked him. He swung again and again and you managed to block those as well.

He moved quickly behind you and you spun using the technique he taught you to block, well you tried at least.... Instead of meeting his weapon with your you either misjudged the distance or he was too quick because soon you found yourself on your back in a world of pain.

"You've gotten rusty my padawan" Obi Wan teased playfully above you. It was your lack of retort that made him eye you closely.

Suddenly all playfulness was gone as he took in your pained face and suddenly felt your burning pain through the force.

He was beside you on the floor in an instant, "y/n!? Are you alright?!" You had your eyes scrunched tight, your only thoughts on how you felt as if a saber stabbed through you. You couldn't even register him speaking.

Obi wan panicked slightly, had he truly hit you that hard? At first he thought you were faking in order to get the upper hand but the force didn't lie, you were in immense pain.

When you couldn't even answer his panic grew more. Carfelully he moved your clutching hand away and gently pulled apart your robe opening the middle.

You felt a rush of cool air and it soothed your pain slightly. You were still so out of hit however you felt a new...feeling in the force...

Was that fear?

Obi wans eyes widened in shock and horror as he took in the large discolored wound that plagued you. What?! How?!When?!? He found himself completely at a loss for words.

He placed a gentle hand on your cheek, "Y/n! Wake up! Tell me what's happened?!" He slapped lightly but you were barely there.

Sucking in a nervous breath he wasted no time in scooping you up into his arms. He felt a deep pang of worry when you let out a noise of distress at the movement.

In all his years Obi wan had never made it anywhere as fast as he did with you in his arms to the med bay.

His brows furrowed with worry and helplessness the entire time...

*************************************************

And that's part 1, stay tuned for part 2! Thanks for reading! Also please comment and tell me what you thought😚

[randomsevans]

Pain of being in love part 3

Original apart of @jtargaryen18 #30daysofchris2020

Two weeks had dragged by as you felt like an empty shell going day by day . You hadn't spoken to anyone apart form Scott ,you haven't left the house unless it was for a good reason. You would constantly forget to eat so Scott became like your own personal chief.

And all this because the time had finally arrived where your love for chris was outshone by his own love for someone else .

Scott had told you that Lisa and Minka have been planning a engagement party much to chris dislike as he sees the announcement as an engagement party .

Chris had tried to call you but you always let it go to voice mail as it was probably an invitation to the party next Saturday. You really didnt want to go . The pain in your heart was begaing you not to as it cant take anymore hurt . But you knew as being the brothers best friend and a family friend you need to go . Because as much as it hurt you . You know that this will make Chris happy and you need to be happy for him even tho you are dying inside .

++++++++++++

It was the day before the party so the Friday and some how Scott had managed to get you out of your bed and house only to be in his house on his couch . Currently eating too much mint chocolate chip ice cream along with this stuiped movie Scott forced you to watch

Love Rosie .

"How fuckin ironic "

You knew that Scott put picked this movie on purpose . Whether it was for the both of you to make fun or the movie like you usual do or let you watch it because it was so fuckin relatable. Either way you too had ended up watching the movie in silence with a few mumbles about food or if one was getting up or not and even a giggle or two when Rosie was struggling with a new born .

It had got to the part of the wedding and oh by god how you related to it . Rosie speech on how she loves him no matter where he is or who hes with .. your heart was yelling someone gets it . You were stuck in your own your head focusing on Rosie words until Scott spoke up.

"How ?" He ask

"What ? " you were confused and faced him as he faced you turning his body as the movie played in the back ground .

"How , when, why ?" He stared directly into your eyes with the soft blue shade he shares with his brother

"What ? " you asked again

"When did you begin to have feeling for my brother and why ... and how much because not to be mean but iv never seen you like this not ever so his engagement clear has affected you " he said softly

You hadn't yet actually spoken the words I love your brother to Scott or I'm in love with him to be more exact but Scott had guest it never asked about it until now .

You were silent for a moment thinking ... well more like your head was empty of thoughts you just liked the silence.

"Who said I have feeling.... "

"Y/n " Scott cut you off

You shift in your seat turning to face Scott legs cross over each other and hands in your lap looking down .

"I .. I had always had a crush on him you know ... who didnt " scott hummed in agreement

"But do you remember that day when I...was ment to have my first date but he never showed up "

Once again Scott hummed

"Well Chris picked me up... and he tried cheering me up .. and it worked "

You glanced up a Scott who looked softly at you as your eyes hot glassy . You looked back down to your hands as there stared nervously fiddling with the ends of the blanket that was wrapped around you.

"Well we were at a dinner ... and do you know in movies it like you have loved someone and you always new . Well it wasnt like that ... "

You took a deep breath.

"I hit me .. like a truck ... he was sitting at the other side of the table... and it hit me everything flooded I... love him but not just that . Because I love you ."

That caused Scott to scoffed as if ' I know you do who doesnt '

"It was more ... well more like a different type of love ... or more like . I was in love in love with him ."

You glance up at the ceiling letting the tears sink back into your eyes as you shake your head .

"I AM in love with him "

You looked at Scott who now had tears in his eyes ..and red showing he was trying to hold them back .

"And I think I always will . "

You were both silent for a seconde

"No matter where he is ... or who hes with a will always love him "

That caused you both to giggle as you made your way into Scotts open arms

"Quoting are we " he chuckled as your head landed on his chest as his arms wrapped around you .

"Well you know me "

You heard him sniff as you felt a tear drop into your hair .

"Oh .. god ... how have you kept it in for so long... that was like ... .... we were 14 or 15 fuck how ? Why ?" He said softly as tears clouded his voice .

"I didnt say anything or do anything because he will never and has never felt the same I'm... im like a sister to him ...in a weird way... and I'd never deserve him ....."

You left your head and looked at Scott .

"And at the same time I realised iam in love with him I also knew nothing would become of it because... " tears bow fell down your eyes .

"Because it was better to have both of you in my life then not to have neither of you ... and I wasnt willing to risk it ..... and I knew ... I knew this time would come .... but it dosnt stop .... it doesn't stop it hurting " you couldn't help but let it all out as you tucked your self back into Scott

He placed a kiss in your hair

"Your a silly one ain't ya ..... I will always be here you know that " he said softly

"You do know that right ?"

You just nodded as your tears drained his shirt .

++++++++++

You stood at Lisa front door with Scott by your side much like that dreaded day three weeks ago . You were in a blue floral dress in small pumps waiting patiently as you heard the party already up and ready with in .

"Its not late to turn back " Scott whisper in your ear just before the door swang open. To reveal Minka at the door with a giant smile and an even bigger diamond on her left hand . That had somehow made your heat beat pain through out your veins.

"It is now " you whisper back before putting a wide fake smile on

"Minka .... contagralations " you tired your best not to sound bitter you really did .

"Y/n right ? " she asked looking you up and down . You just nodded your head

She was about to speak again when Chris practically ripped the door hinges off as he opened the door wider . As his eyes landed on you there grew and his month hung open as he let out a deep sigh . Making your heat beat fast instead of the numb feeling it has had over the last three weeks .

"Y/n " was all he said a small whisper .

You and Chris eyes were locked missing the fallen smile of Minka as she looked between the two of you here eyebrows knitting . While Scott had a small smirked placed on his lips due to Minka reaction

"Chris I thought we agreed I'd do the door " Minka snapped at chris . Breaking his eye contact with you . To glance at Minka for a split seconde

"Um yeah sorry " he said quickly and looked back deep into your eyes , with the softest blue shade "I... I just heard her name ..." he sighed and he said it slowly and softly . He tilted his head almost like a child went there feelings are hurt . "I haven't..... I havnt see you ... heard form you ... I tried calling but ..I always ... "

"I was busy " you cut him off

Before chris could answer or even process what you said , Lisa pops her head at the other side of the door

"What are you all doing out here ! ... come on come in "she took at step back with a wide smile , as you stepped in .

She pulled you in to a tight high as she always does "isn't this amazing.... finally get to celebrate my boy with hes wife to be "

You closed your eyes as your rested your chin on her shoulder and sighed "it sure is "

You took a step back and put on the widest smile .

What you didnt know was as you were facing momma Evan's. Two blue eyed boys looked at you with soften eyes but both for different reasons .

"Come on let's join the others " lisa said to all of us.

"I couldn't agree more Mrs Evan's " minka replied

"How many times Lisa or even better mom " lisa laught her and Minka walked side by side to the garden

"Ma! " chris said .

"What she will be my daughter in law soon so she better get use it " both lisa and Minka laught and diserperared into the garden . Leaving you , Scott and Chris still in the hall way of the front door .

"How soon exactly ?" Scott asked the fill the uneasy silence .

"Um its gonna be a fall wedding " chris replied

"Oh " was all you said as you felt the pit in your stomach grow and your heart beating fast

"Like .... next year or two ?" Scott said slowly shrugging with his hands in his pockets .

"Uh no " Chris paused and took at quick glance at you and looked at the floor . "This year .... in 3 months " he sighed.

And as if it wasnt possible you felt your heart crack more .

Scott only let out a deep sigh and grab your arm " come on y/n let's get a drink " you nod you head and began to walk to the garden . But you turned your head over your should and with a deep sigh , you dry throat and stinging eyes .

"Contraglation Chris " you sighted, eys watery " I'm... happy for yo... you ... sh ...Minka is a lucky girl " you choked out as Scott pulled you futher away as he tried to save you from futher heart break or for you to continue lying .

"I'm...not " Chris mumbled silently as you were out of earshot .. and took a deep sigh and then finally followed your direction and headed for the back yard.

The never ending growing pit in your soul and tears in your heart was growing more painful as you chuged down your first of many drinks of the night. But what do you expect it's the pain of being in love

Ps I didnt realise that the actress (lily colin)that play Rosie in the movie love Rosie actual dated chris

[remindmetohaveherdrugtested]

Once upon a time

Title: Once upon a time

Prompt: Everything seems to be going perfecrly so why do you feel the need to self harm after being 'clean' for so long? A reader insert where the reader is struggling with self harm again and Morgan helps.

Author: remindmetohaveherdrugtested

Tags: #reader insert #Derek Morgan #Comfort

Trigger warnings: #self harm #blood mention #murder/kidnap #mild swearing

Sat in the back of the SUV, you rest your head against the cool glass of the window and stare into the small gap between Derek's headrest and the cars' frame. Your eyes focused on the steering wheel, held steadily in place by his hands, before flicking back to the oncoming traffic.

Your mind wasn't really there. It was flicking between a million and one thoughts that were barely forming before the next one took over. You should be happy. You had exactly what you wanted from life; a happy little family, a job that you loved, a beautiful house and friends that you could count on. So why were you feeling so numb? Once upon a time that was all you dreamed about.

"Are we almost there?" A sleepy voice from the front broke you from your thoughts and you moved your head.

"About 10 minutes" Dereks steady voice answered, not taking his eyes off the road. "I wouldn't go back to sleep if I were you".

You watched him glance quickly at Spence beside him who looked like he was about to fall back asleep at any moment. It was 2am and the case was quite urgent according to Hotch and Garcia. Derek had swung by to pick you and Reid up as neither of you drove and the rest of the team wouldnt be long.

It wasnt long until the SUV was pulled up beside the rest of the team who were just starting to grab their go bags from another SUV to board the jet. Quickly stretching, you hopped out of the car and went to the boot to pull out your black bag and sling it across your shoulders. "We good to go? I need to get some serious sleep before we land" You asked, forcing a tiny smile at the rest of them. You barely waited for Hotch to nod before you were walking up the steps to the door and entering the cabin.

Immediately you slung your bag into the overhead bin and then settled yourself onto the sofa out of the way, watching as the rest of the team joined you. Each member put their bags away before settling down in a chair. It wasnt long until the jet was airborne but you knew you wouldnt land for a couple of hours and it would be a half an hour drive to the hotel.

"I'll let you all get some sleep shortly. We're headed to Texas" You knew that already from the call that Garcia had made earlier. "We think we have a cold case re-emerging. 10 years ago 2 brown haired, blue eyed and low risk women went missing. 5 years later their bodies were found having only died recently. 5 days later 2 more victims went missing and their bodies have just shown up. If the unsub sticks to their schedule the next two victims will go missing in 5 days and we will loose the trail again. The victims both looked to be kept in relatively good condition, cause of death was a single stab wound through the heart. Crime scence photos are on your tablets to have a look at and then you should try to get some rest" Hotch finished.

-------------------------------------------------------

It was 7pm and Hotch had sent everyone back to the hotel for the night. You stood in the onsuite bathroom and stripped quickly to shower. As you got out you caught a glimpse of your arms in the mirror. Thin silvery lines marred them and although the last time you had cut yourself deliberately was years ago the lines had not fully faded yet. Your fingers traced them slowly. You weren't proud of it and no one else on the team knew about that part of your life. The familiar urge took hold of your chest. It was a deep and sinking feeling. Like you couldnt breathe. You knew that harming yourself would get rid of the feeling. It would allow you to feel anything other than the numbness that had taken over recently. Usually you were able to push away the urges, breathe through them and distract yourself but today was just different. You were tired of pushing them away and you just wanted it to go away.

Almost in a trance your fingers had found a razor and was removing the blades from it. It was like you were watching someone else draw on your skin. Watching blood trickling down your arms, as if it were rain on the windows. The pain was fresh. It felt good to be able to feel anything other than that pressing feeling on your chest and numbness.

The second the razor touched the side new feelings rushed through you. Guilt. Panic. Anger. How could you give in after so many years of being clean? How would you hide this? Why did you even feel this way when every part of your life was, by definition, perfect.

"Shit. Shit. Shit"

You spun around and shoved your arm into the shower, wincing as the running water touched the fresh wounds and watching as it took away the blood.

Pulling the towel back around you quickly, you walked quickly back into the room and rumaged in your bag to pull out some bandages you kept in there for minor injuries in the field. As you pulled the bandages out there was a loud thud as your bag fell to the floor onto your foot and you swore loudly but didn't pick it up.

With experienced hands you started bandaging your arm up. You'd banaged injuries up all the time in the field but this being from yourself made you feel a wave of guilt again.

The silence in the room was broken by a few raps on the door.

"Uh yeah?" You called trying to quickly pin the bandage in place.

"You alright? I heard some thuds and swearing" Dereks deep voice came through the door.

"Oh, uh ,yeah. Just dropped my go bag on my foot" You tried to laugh it off but something in your voice must've given you away because a moment later the door cracked open.

"Are you sure Y/N?" Dereks voice was clearer with the door cracked.

"Yeah yeah, it'll just a little bruise" You said, rushing to pull the towel around yourself so that he didnt see everything. You closed your eyes and sighed as you realised you had answered too quickly and your voice had cracked.

The door opened slowly before softly shutting. "Whats wrong? You've seemed a bit off all day. Did something else happen?" He paused, his eyes glancing over you and resting on your bandaged arm which was trying to help keep your towel in place. "Y/N?" His voice trailed off and he walked quickly over to you "What happened?"

"I happened" You muttered, turning away and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You happened? What did you do?" Derek half laughed, clearly expecting you to have fallen or walked into something. His eyes narrowed as you didn't reply. "Y/N?"

You felt the slow burning prickle behind your eyes and felt a tear roll down your cheek. "Nothing" You snapped and turned. "I-uh-Sorry, Im just tired and was a bit clumsy"

You felt a soft hand touch your shoulder. "Doesn't seem like nothing. Why don't you get dressed and we'll talk about it?"

Your hand clenched around the towel as you became painfully aware that you were still naked with nothing but a towel around you. You nodded but said nothing as you got up and grabbed the pyjamas that were at the foot of the bed and walked quickly into the bathroom. Your eyes caught site of the bloody blade lying in the sink and you fought a wave of sickness that arose from it. Quickly pulling on your pyjamas, you turned the tap on to wash the blood away and the dropped the blade out of sight. You didn't need more temptation.

Re-emerging from the bathroom you saw Derek had moved your bag onto the chair and had perched himself on the end of the bed. You walked around him and on the side of the bed.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Derek slowly turned around to look at you although you determinedly avoided his gaze.

"Lapse of judgement" You muttered. It wasnt a lie but it wasn't the most straightforward answer. It didn't deter Derek.

"You can talk to me you know. I won't tell anyone and I might be able to help."

You laughed. It was cold and seemed hollow even to you. "If I knew do you think Id be in this mess."

The bed moved and you looked up as Derek sat beside you and slowly wrapped his arms around you. It seemed to break some dam inside you that you had been holding back since he had knocked on your door and tears began to stream down your face.

"I didn't mean to" You whispered. "I haven't in so many years. I was doing well but I just lost my focus. It wont happen again. Please don't tell the others"

Derek pulled you in closer and you turned to press your face into his chest. His heartbeat was comforting. "If you don't want me to tell anyone then I won't" He said simply.

"Im just so numb and it just happened and I just wanted to feel something again. I don't know why because everything is perfect so I dont have a reason to feel like this and why should I have any reason to do that" You rambled coming to a halt with a look of disgust on your face.

"These things happen. It can happen to anyone" Derek soothed. "This line of work is tough, even on the strongest of us. And these feelings can hit anyone. Even those who think everything they have is perfect. Theyre normal"

More sobs racked you body, getting stronger and stronger. It was like you lost all control. "Please" you sobbed. "I just want to feel something. Help me feel something"

Derek pulled you up the bed and pulled you into his chest. "You had a slip. Everyone has relapses. It doesnt mean anything. You'll get through this. I'll be there for you. Always"

You had no more words to say, what else was there to say? Instead you buried your face in his chest and continued to sob until you felt tiredness overcome you and let it take you off into nothingness.

When you woke up, Derek was gone. At the bottom of the bed you saw a pile of fresh bandages, a small tube of antiseptic cream and a note. Picking up the note, you quickly read through it.

"Baby girl,

Once upon a time is the start of a story. You have to keep fighting to see the end."

[hargroves-angel]

Cookies And Cream 🏹🍪

Chapter 7 - Eton mess

A/N - Angst ☹️ Sad Billy, Sad Reader ☹️. 

| Chapter 8  | Cookies And Cream Masterlist |

Billy didn’t sleep after that night. He couldn’t. He couldn’t come to terms with his feelings. He was certain that he had fallen in love with Y/N but at the same time he was afraid. He didnt want her to leave him, just like everyone else who claimed to have love him did.

She deserved better anyway. After all he was just a play boy. He liked sex and parties, he was like the devil compared to her. She baked cookies in her spare time for gods sake! Cookies... - another thing he couldn't even think about, everything all becoming too over whelming. 

Due to this Billy had been avoiding her all week. It hurt him so bad to do it but he just couldn’t let himself corrupt her, couldn't let her break his heart. 

He was terrified of love, one night stands and quick flings were something easy, no strings attached and no ‘feelings’. 

He watched her smile falter every time he drove past her. She waited everyday, for him to maybe change? He didn’t know why she waited... She shouldn’t wait. He's not coming back. And that's what he told her, yesterday in Science, after having avoided her gaze as he walked in, having sat two seats diagonaly from her, when her soft fingers lightly tapped his shoulder. A soft, beautiful, sickening smile on her face. 

It wasn’t a real smile, she had sad eyes, and that broke Billys heart.

“Hey...” She mumbled. Billy took a deep breath in and continued to look straight forwards. 

“What?” he grumbled. 

“Im sorry about that night...” She sniffed. She thought it was her fault, she thought she was the problem. She always put Billy first.

“Good... it was a one time thing anyway so whatever” He snapped, she mumbled a quick “oh” Billy walked out of the room. He heard the various girls running to her. He heard her soft, small sobs, each one breaking his heart. He didnt show it. He never showed his pain... she was the one person who knew what he was going through and he couldn’t come to terms with any of it. 

He skipped the rest of school after that, chain smoking on the swing set he took Y/N to on their tour. He watched the sun set, his heart aching. Is this what love felt like? Is this what heartbreak was? Or was he just being a pussy. Love isn’t even real anyway... it usually fades. 

He drove home, his face looking unfazed, he'd become so used to hiding that kind of stuff. Neil yelled at him, a usual slap across his face. Billy felt numb. He wanted to run back to her... hold her precious little body against his, lay soft kisses on her head... hear her sweet little whimpers.

‘Back to sex again... fucking piece of shit’ Billy thought to himself. He huffed, glancing at the window. He saw Y/N, she was perched on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands.

She was so beautiful, a goddess of a woman. It had been weeks. 3 weeks to be exact, since that night. She’d changed the bed sheets, that soft, silky pink sheet was no longer. Replaced with a pretty baby blue one.

She looked up. Billy looked at her with pleading eyes, he smiled at her. He hated himself for doing so, but he ignored every single small voice yelling at him to smile at her. Telling him he wasn’t good enough, telling him that she wasn’t good enough, telling him to go back to the parties and sex stuff.

It was a smile filled with genuine sorrow and sadness, his eyes reflecting every guilt inside of him.

She looked him in the eyes, she stood up, her silk, white nightie falling just over her knees. She looked so elegant. She stood at the window for just a moment. Taking in a deep breath.

She shut the curtains. She shut him out, just liked her done to her.

Billy felt the tears run. He felt them roll down his cheeks. He felt the hotness of them fall.

He sucked in a deep breath but ended up sobbing. He cried and cried for hours. A silent weep, so that no one could hear him.

He felt so alone. He knew that he had made himself feel like that. He was the one who disappointed her. For what?

For his stupid ego, for those tiny voices in his head that told him she wasn’t what he wanted, he wasn’t what she wanted... everything.

He needed her, he loved her.

“I love you” he whispered into the darkness of his room, he wanted her to wrap her arms around him, pull herself closer to his chest and nuzzle into him, whispering an “I love you” back. But she wasn’t there.

He sobbed into a pillow, it being the only comfort. He ended up falling asleep, cradling the pillow to his chest like he’d done to her a few weeks ago.

He dreamt of her all night, he had to get her back.

Fuck his ego, fuck all this shit about sex, and fuck everything telling him she wasn’t good enough.

He had to get her back.

[istgimamess]

Label: JYP entertainment

Stage name: Song Ha Rin [Ha means great or talented, Rin means unicorn; so yeah, I picked this name for you because you're a great, talented unicorn and you should be protected at all cost, duhh]

Debut year: 2016 (3 years active)

Debut concept: electric pop, upbeat, cute and girly, sassy girl power, dance and vocal heavy

Number of members: 5

Group name: HolyElectric

Fandom name: Sparks

Position: main dancer, vocal line, the mom of the group [because you're super protective, patient and caring]

Male bestie: Choi Minho (SHINee)

How you meet: he's your protector but also your tormentor, if you're being honest! Your first meeting was a bit of a shit show, one minute you're practicing some basic dance moves for a live broadcast and the next you're hanging off the side of the stage in a mess of limbs and covered in water. His necklace tangled in your hair, your heel caught in his belt loop; the both of you soaked beyond repair, an empty water pitcher laying hazardously at the bottom of the stairs. "Umm, you think you can tell your pants to let go of my shoe!?" "Yeah, as soon as your hair releases my necklace.." He pushes at your forehead, palm covering your face completely, nothing happens. You knee at his torso and hip, nothing happens; you both try again. "Ouch! Watch yourself, King Kong! I cant breath!" "Okay, let's not panic! It'll just leave me pantsless and you bald!" After that it was like you were inseparable, quickly becoming friends through the shared experience of that tragic, embarrassing event. Turns out you have a lot in common, personality wise! You're both really sarcastic and just plain goofy; (you have this game, always competing to see who can make the funniest, goofiest faces) so, obviously, you make eachother laugh alot but you're also very protective over one another. "Hey, Minho! HolyElectric's Harin is your best friend, right?" "Yeah, she is! Why?" "Shall we send her a little video!? Quickly do something to make her laugh!" "Harin, I miss you!...(^ gif ^)..."

Female bestie: Tiffany Young (SNSD)

How you meet: you take singing very serious! You're always working on your vocals, trying out new techniques, experimenting with your range; you're very hardworking and your dedication to getting better is something everyone seems to notice about you, right off the bat. So you're always down for vocal classes and one on one's with your vocal coach, always excited to learn something new! And that's how you meet Tiffany, through a friend of a friend of a friend of your vocal coach! You were doing your warm ups, waiting on your teacher to arrive when Tiffany stuck her head in the room to compliment you on your vibrato! You tend to come off as a bit rude, because of how shy you are, so at first it didn't really go well! "Wow, you sound so good! Those runs were amazing!" "Umm, I know..no, I-..I mean, it's not like I think I'm super good or anything..I-..sorry." She ended up laughing your response off and joining you in the room! You quickly became really good friends, constantly listening to music and practicing together; going out for lunch and meeting up on the weekends for some quality shopping time! "Who would you say your best friend is?!" "Oh, she is also a singer! Her name is Harin and she's in the girl group HolyElectric! We hang out together probably every week!" "Oh really!? What are your favorite things to do together!?" "We are both shopoholics, so we're constantly shopping! And afterwards I always drag her out for ice cream because..(^gif^).." Your friendship is so cute!

Group bestie: NCT

How you meet: this is probably the most unconventional way you've ever made a group of friends but it worked, whether you wanted it to or not. There are probably a hand full of things that you absolutely hate in life: people who lie, crabs and bugs are just a few! When faced with any of these, more specifically crabs and/or bugs, you tend to run the opposite way, screaming at the top of your lungs, arms flailing! It's your natural reaction! So when you find yourself being used as a human shield between a grown ass man-child and bugzilla, you're forced to square up and save the man child! "OH MY GOD SAVE ME IT'S GOING TO EAT ME AHHHH EOMMA!!" You're being pulled close, your body picked up and thrown around by the trembling boy! You feel like you might actually vomit but also, oddly enough, you feel really protective; the mom in you suddenly coming out: throwing your fists up in a fighting manner, kicking your feet and swatting the sky in defense. "NOT TODAY, SATAN!!" Eventually the bug gives up on it's hostile takeover, there are about 3 seconds worth of calm and suddenly you're surrounded. "Taeyong! What happened!?" "Yeah, we heard screaming!" "I was attacked!! I thought I was going to die!" "What!? What happened!? Attacked by who!? Are you o-" "Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but are we going to actually sit here and pretend like we don't see the girl Taeyong-hyung is holding up off of the ground like a teddy bear?! We just ignoring that!?" "Haechan, dont be rude!" "How am I being rude!?" "You're always-" "Sorry, can you put me down, my legs are going numb.." And it was all down hill from there! They wouldn't leave you alone, following you around like a group of sassy, over-dramatic puppies! But you don't really mind! They're your biggest supporters, always streaming your music and cheering you on during award season! They also send you little video messages to congratulate you on your wins! "...(^gif^)..." "Wait, are you recording?!" "Yeah, Harin is about to perform so we need to send the message fast!" "But not everybody's here yet!" "Well, tell them to hurry!" They're truly adorable!

Boyfriend: Shin Hoseok/Wonho (Monsta X)

Ship name(s): Ha-Ho, Wonha, Ho-Rin

How you meet: you love, love, love traveling and you get the opportunity to travel a lot, with your job; but that's really not enough to satisfy you! So, whenever you have a day off, you like to travel! Nowhere too far, since you only really have the one day, usually to Japan, or China, any place near by! That's where you meet Wonho, in the airport; one second you're grabbing your baggage, minding your own business and the next you're face-full of chest! "Oooff, I'm so sorry-" "It's okay! It's not everyday cute girls use their face to assault my chest!" He's very sure of himself, very honest and openly flirty and it doesn't take long before his assertiveness pulls you out of your shy shell! You spend the day together, grab some coffee and then hit up the local ramen shop! It doesn't take long for you to become official: redcheeks and sweaty palms, shy confessions underneath the bus station hanger. He's the best boyfriend you could ask for, he's practically whipped! And his group members never let him live it down! "Hey, Wonho! Harin stayed the night last night, didnt she!? But you guys were soooo quiet, in your room! What were you doing!? Quickly, tell the camera!" "...(^gif^)..." They make him suffer, you find it hilarious!

Your biggest fan: Kim Yeri (Red Velvet) is probably your biggest fan! She is constantly making dance covers to your songs, streaming your music and watching your v-lives! "I'm a huge fan of HolyElectric! My favorite is Harin! She's such a good dancer and her vocals are always on point!" She's very vocal about how much she loves you and your music; so much, that even her fans are trying to make it so that she has the opportunity to meet you! "Yeri-unnie! Harin-unnie is your girl crush, right!?" " Yes~...(^gif^)..." "Hopefully you can meet her soon!" It's ridiculously cute!

Scandle: you're a dancer, that's what you truly want to be known as! You've been dancing since you could stand up straight and you've been like a spunge ever since; always trying to gain as much knowledge over the art, as you can! You take extra classes, make covers, mimic other great dancers, you're constantly in the practice room! So, yeah, you dance more than you breathe, this is not a secret! You've also known EXO's Kim Jongin for years, again, not a secret! He was one of the only idols to really reach out and interact with you in your trainee days; always offering to answer any "idol" questions you may have, offering to practice with you, teaching you new dance moves, critiquing your performances before every evaluation! He quickly ended up becoming your greatest teacher, an even greater friend, almost like a brother! So it's no shocker you're photographed together, a lot: Jongin entering your apartment building, Jongin picking you up and taking you out for dinner, you entering Jongin's apartment building etc. What is a bit shocking? The headlines that come with those photos, when Dispatch drops them. 'Neitizens get a HolyElectric shock when EXO's Kai takes new girl friend!' and 'HolyElectric's Harin sparks new dating rumors! Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' It was a bit confusing! "What the?! 'Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' What Disney movie is this!?" "The good kind, one with a great soundtrack and a beautiful dance number! You should feel lucky!" "I just threw up a little bit.." It's really cruel how much Jongin's enjoying your discomfort!

Other activities: obviously you're a great dancer, singer and all around performer but sometimes you really just want to be challenged! So when you're management team signs you up for a spot in 'The King of Mask Singer' singing competition, you're both super excited and super nervous! It ends up going well and you gain a ton of new friends and even more fans from the experience! "It was so fun! I didnt know singing could be so exhilarating!" "So what?! You want to give up dance and become the next Mariah Carey?! Good choice! Less competition for me~" "Jongin, I will cut you.." What a massive dork!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@bbwonho here is your private idol life ship! I hope you like it~ Let me know what you think! 😌

[ideocosmonaut]

Would you rather date someone who had a car or a job? Ehh probably job.

What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion? Trust, perhaps?

Have you ever wanted to watch a scary movie with someone JUST to have an excuse to be close to them? Kind of

Be with someone cute and a jerk or ugly and kind? ugly and kind

Name a favorite of each: food, drink, color. Steak, Coke Zero, Gray or black

If you married rich and your spouse gave you $100,000 a week, what would you spend it on? Weekly short vacations. Maybe fly to a city every weekend and go on a shopping spree.

Name a favorite of each: book, movie, tv show. Harry Potter, Robocop, Seinfeld

If your best friend liked your ex, what would you do? I dont have an ex

if you had to choose between being blind or deaf which would you pick? Hmm. Maybe blind. I love art and music but my eyes get me into more trouble than my ears.

Name a LEAST favorite of each: food, drink, color. How boring. Onions, water, yellow

What do you spend most of your money on? Bills

What kind of underwear do you prefer wearing? Boxer briefs

If you were sat on a plane beside your favorite celebrity, what would you do? Probably nothing. Why would they want to talk to me? They’re probably really tired and just want to chill on the ride home. I mean, if I feel brave, maybe I’ll say hi and that I really love their work but that’s about it.

What would you consider to be the biggest insult to yourself? Any... insult?

What are five things you absolutely have to have in your dream house? A kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom, a ceiling, walls...

If you could be reincarnated as any animal, which would you chose and why? Some kind of bird

What is your biggest pet peeve? Being wrongfully accused

Do you still watch cartoons? Sometimes

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? 80s and 90s comedies

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A cop. An astronaut

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? yeah.

First concert? Flogging Molly, for a big name band. But I went to local shows in school

Tea or coffee? i like both.

Do you think you were well raised? Up until I was a teenager

How do you handle stress? not well. 

Do you hide things well? Not really

If you had to choose between having one family member or 5 of your closest friends die who would you choose? I’d rather not. If I had to... family member. I’ve lost almost all of the good ones already anyway. And my friends are a precious few.

Do you see yourself ever being with someone you’ve been with before? No?

Would you rather live in a tiny apartment with 5 other people or a huge house by yourself that you felt was haunted? Huge house... if I didnt have to keep it up by myself.

How many piercings do you have? 0

Do you see yourself as a “good” person? No. No one is really good or bad. People are people. Everyone has their own ambitions. And a basic desire. People change all the time, nothing is set in stone.

Are your nails painted a dark or light color? N/a

Have you ever order pizza online? yes

What color was the last candle you lit? Cream?

Is there something written on your shirt right now? No

Is there a bookshelf in your room? no.

Do you own a treadmill? nope.

Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? yes.

What color was the last fish you had? Orangey

Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? Nah

Have you ever read in the bathtub? No

If you play the sims, do you download custom clothes, hair, etc? I imagine I would

Have you ever put ice cubes in milk? no.

Does your animal sleep with you? N/a

What do you use to remove your makeup at night? N/a

Do you have a favorite TV show that actually isn’t on air anymore Umm maybe. I think most of my favorites are still alive somewhere in TV land

Have you ever bought something off of iTunes? i don’t think so.

Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? nope.

Do you know how many pages the last book you read had? nope.

What day of the week does the laundry usually get done? Saturday

Do you use the Facebook chat often? daily.

Do you have any baby pictures of yourself on your computer? Nah

How many favorites do you have on youtube? hundreds

What channel is the food network? i dont have cable

Do you still write in pencil? sometimes

What brand is your foundation? n/a

What kind was the last chip you ate? Uhh doritos i think

Do you eat onion rings? not often but i love them.

When did you last go to the zoo? years ago

How many cardigans do you own? 1

What is your favorite song to play on guitarhero or rockband? none

What flavor of tea did you last have? Milos

Do you own a robe? yes

What was the last video you added to your favorites on YouTube? An upload of the new Puppet Master movie

Have you ever brushed your teeth and then drank orange juice? yeah

When was the last time you had pancakes or waffles? yesterday

Do you know anyone whose birthday is today? my step-mom

If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? I wouldn't exist so I wouldn't feel anything. That’s an upside. Can you imagine how bad you’d feel if you died? It’s a mercy we dont feel anything after.

Was the last person you texted under 18? no I dont believe any of the people ive texted are under 18

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? like two

Do you like hoodies? yes.

When was the last time you attended a wedding? May?

Have you had alcohol this week? uhhhhhhhh nope actually

What windows are open on your computer right now? You mean tabs? This, FB, another Tumblr, and youtube

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? yes Is there anything you are craving right now? affection

What’s the last thing you had to eat? rice and beef

Who were the last four people to text you? my dad, my step-mom, a couple friends

Do you have any morbid interests? nothing habitual

Do you know anyone whose birthday is tomorrow? no.

What was the last thing you found that you thought you lost forever? an earbud cover

Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop for the New Year? no

If you have a Twitter, do you use something else besides the computer to update your tweets? nope

Do you like potato salad? Ive never had one I liked

Who was the last person that apologized to you? my bff. It’s funny that I say sorry a lot but I dont hear it very often. only from him. hmm.

Have you ever driven and ended up running out of gas? no

When was the last time you uploaded pictures from your camera? months ago

Did you do the laundry today? yes

What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? wasnt sleepy

Did you straighten or curl your hair last? n/a

Have you ever been off-roading? yes

Was the last number you added to your cell phone a guy’s or girl’s number? a restaurant probably

Do you enjoy being a tease? kind of. not too much.

Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? nope.

Who was the last person you caught lying to you? eh i dont recall

How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? umm 19 ish?

Do you have a webcam that’s built into your computer or did it come separately? n/a

Was there ever a time that you lived on an island? I am an island. Shut up, Ben Howard.

Have you ever made a time capsule? I did in school

When was the last time you drank out of a champagne glass? long time ago

What was the last casino you went to? N/a

Does it flood easily where you live? kind of

Let’s start out blunt, have you had sex in the last 12 hours? nope.

Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else? no.

Does anything hurt on you? my foot

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? maybe

Do you look at the keyboard when you type? sometimes

Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word?   not really

Will you be up before 7:00 a.m. tomorrow? yes, many times

Do you like MySpace? i did back when it was popular.

Do you like glitter? its ok

Is there anyone you’d like to apologize to? my mom

What’s the closest thing to you that’s liquid? 

my... pee?

Are your toe nails painted pink? no.

Will you be in a relationship in 4 months? no... I mean, i doubt it? maybe? who knows.

Are you excited for Saturday? I was until I hurt my foot

What are you listening to right now? Game Grumps

What is the most exciting place you have been to this year? Gatlinburg 

The shirt you’re wearing, does anyone else have it? possibly

Are you gonna be home tonight? yes.

Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you? not if it stops there

Are you easily scared at horror films? not easily

If there was a large spider in the room, what would you say? Depends on how large and what kind

Do you have good memories with old friends? of course. 

How are you feeling right now? in pain

Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? oh yeah

How many friends do you have that have never smoked? a few

Is there someone you used to talk to every single day that you don’t talk to anymore? yes.

Are you missing someone? yes.

Did you have a dream last night? probably, i just don’t remember it.

Is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single? of course, as long as they’re single too.

Who did you last talk to on the phone? my dad

Have you held hands with anyone today? no.

Do you drop your phone a lot? nah

Your last ex says they never even liked you. You say? You dont exist?

When was the last time you saw your father? last weekend

Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Hmm. that’s a tough one. I use humor to cope a lot but I always try to remain within certain guidelines around certain people. it’s a lot to keep up with. Me? I can laugh at almost anything. Im pretty numb to most things. It doesnt come from a place of disrespect, but a need to laugh.

Would you say you’re an understanding person? mostly.

How is your life currently? it sucks.

What are you doing tomorrow morning? sleeping

Do you want to see somebody right now? sure.

How many people have you liked in the past 8 months? just the one.

Have you ever done anything illegal? yes

Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad? mom

What’s currently bothering you? my foot. looming anxiety over possibly being fired. being totally alone.

Have you thought about an ex today? no.

Are any of your friends taller than you? yes.

Did you do anything productive today? yes.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? To relive certain things, maybe. Barry Allen taught me not to fuck with the timeline

Today, did you hug a person you have feelings for? no

Do you wish at 11:11? nah

Are you currently in a relationship? no

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? apparently they are everything

Think of the last person who said “I love you” to you. Do you think they meant it? I guess. 

Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? yes.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? yes

If you could move somewhere else, would you? Depends but im mostly for it

Has a boy/girl called you babe or baby today? no.

How long were you with your last bf/gf? never

Would you ever let a girl/boy put you through hell and back? probably. im ripe for the abuse.

Have you ever gone out with anyone older than you? no

Do you think you will ever be married? probably not

Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? yes. that’s life

Is it possible to be single and happy? temporarily

Last time you wore something that didn’t belong to you? idk

Has anything happened in the past month that made you really happy? aside from food, not really. 

What’s something you’ve always wanted to say to your ex? n/a

How much money did you spend today? $0

Are you a rude person? to people who are rude

Would you ever think about painting your ceiling your favorite color? no. 

What’s something you’re excited for? Cyberpunk 2077

Does cuddling freak you out? A little. I dont like not being able to move

What do you think of maxi dresses? idk

What did the last text in your inbox say? From who? my phone’s in the other room...... >_>

What would you do if you saw a guy hit a girl? Call the police.

Have you ever gambled? yes.

Do you use tobacco products? not anymore

Would you ever go a week without showering? only if i had to

Would you ever date someone with a different skin color than you? Yeah

[kerramelia]

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Yeast Infection All Time Best Cool Tips

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Metronidazole Didnt Cure My Bacterial Vaginosis

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Bacterial Vaginosis Management Definition

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[mental-health-advice]

I dread taking showers. I know gross, but I have cholinerginc urticaria basically fancy word for hives, they make me itch, and make my skin feel like it’s on fire, 2 years ago when I didnt know I had it I would take a shower, sob for hours scratching my skin and just wanting to make it stop I would scream for my parents to make it stop I would take 4 Benadryl you’re only supposed to take 2 still didn’t work I would scream and cry at my mom for making me take a shower pt 1 tag as 🏐☀️

Pt2🏐☀️I was terrified to take a shower I still kinda am I feel like I may have developed ptsd over it I also have eczema which when I got allergy tested the first time the doctor told me that I wasn’t allergic to anything which I am allergic to a couple things that I only have eczema and just to put on lotion that was it no help whatsoever flash forward to a year later still sob after the shower and take too many Benadryl we went to see a dermatologist and she did a simple test and told me

Pt3🏐☀️ I have hives and then we went to the allergist next, I had 50 needles in my back for the allergy test turns out I was allergic to lots of stuff and i have super bad hives during all of this my entire body was red and I was in so much pain my experience with hives have been traumatizing, and I think I may have developed ptsd I know you can’t diagnose me but do you think I could have it or anything related to it? Thank you for taking your time to answer this love you all so much.

Hello there,

I'm sorry that you've been struggling so much. Physical illness like this can be very stressful. I personally suffer from hives as well, and it can be absolutely unbearable at times, almost feeling like torture, so I truly understand.

Have you been able to form a treatment plan with your specialist? I think that's an important step to take, so that you know what you can do to help these episodes. As for the Benadryl (antihistamine), the thing with taking more is that it won't help calm the itch down more. I am on a higher dose than the recommended, but it's best to ask your specialist how to take them - more often than not, they will recommend taking the regular dose, then taking another regular dose a few hours later. They will be able to advise you on what is better for your situation, and trial other methods to help calm the hives down. I also want to share about the only thing that helps me control it when I am in a flare - lidocaine cream and ice. Lidocaine cream is an over the counter cream, usually sold in the section for topical bug bite creams. Take a look at the ingredients of them, and buy ones that have that ingredient. As soon as you get an itch, put the cream on all of the affected areas, and grab an ice pack. Hold the ice pack/s on the worst affected areas. The lidocaine helps to numb the itch a little bit, and the ice helps to stop the swelling of the hives, which also works on reducing the itchiness. It's the only thing that lets me sleep when I am having a flare up.

As for post-traumatic stress disorder, you are right in that we cannot diagnose you. Only a professional can do that. So I'd suggest speaking to your doctor about the impact this has had on your mental health, so you can get some support. We have a page on Getting Help here that may have some useful information. That being said, post-traumatic stress is only diagnosed after experiencing an event that threatened the life of the person, or witnessing an event that threatened the life of another. It involves flashbacks to the event, feelings of hopelessness and terror, dissociation and nightmares. Whilst what you are describing definitely sounds like it brings on traumatic feelings, I am not sure that it fits the criteria for PTSD as it has not had a life-threatening impact on you.

However, that doesn't make the effects any less severe. I would say that any events relating to showering or the hives are incredibly triggering for you. Even non-life-threatening events can severely impact the way that we function, especially when they develop into triggers that set off intense emotional reactions like fear, panic, depression or helplessness. These emotions in themselves indicate that there is something going on with your mental health, and I think seeing a professional to look at diagnosis and treatment would be a great idea. They can narrow down the exact symptoms, look at how this has effected you, and give you a solid diagnosis. There are many medications and therapies that can be used to treat extreme emotional reactions to events like this, and they are listed in the getting help link above. Your doctor may want to try you on some of these to get some control over your symptoms.

We have a page on Recovery Tools here that I think may be useful for you. It has a few different tools, and I think the calming anxiety, grounding techniques, mindfulness and distraction tools in particular may be helpful for you. We also have a page here on DBT Skills, which are the skills taught in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. These can help with panic, anxiety and extreme emotions, and really helped me to manage the panic associated with negative events from my past. The ones in the mindfulness section were the ones that particularly helped me. Lastly, we have a list of Helplines and Web Counsellors here, and I encourage you to reach out to them if you ever feel like you need some support in calming down the anxiety related to the showers and hives.

I hope that you can see your specialist and your doctor and both get a plan in place for treating the hives, and looking into mental health diagnosis and treatment. You deserve support through this. You are certainly not a gross person for being scared of being in the shower; I think your feelings are completely understandable, and it is a place that causes intense fear for you. I'm hoping with help from your doctors, this can become easier in time and they can help you find alternative ways to either shower or get clean without causing a flare up of the hives.

Positive thoughts your way,Alexandria.

[sumblebuttz1987]

SaeyougXMc //Smut fic PT 2

Her Blossom

• This fic is based on a high school AU on Mystic messenger. Mc is a pure clean white rose, who is very curious what the feeling of sex is like. When all of a sudden she meets the devil Saeyoung who steals her purity and stain her petals. • __________________________________________

Everyone was sat down.

The blonde, the female, Saeyoung, the silver , the black , the dude that grabbed my boobs and me. The blue haired boy stood up and shook his head in shame.

???- look at you all. Aside from this poor lady. I cant belive that its are first day here at this school and all we’ve done is caused trouble. I cant always keep you people in line. Jahee your fine. But Jumin, all you’ve done is neglect everyone and everything and literally pretended you don’t exist. Zen you could adult a bit more instead of acting like every girl is apart of your fan club, yoosung chill more instead of running into things. Sarean WTF MAN, and most importantly WHAT THE FUCK SAEYOUNG!

DONT BE RUNNING AROUND INTO THINGS YOU SHOULDNT BE RUNNING INTO!

I.. am so sorry miss. I just-

Mc- Its.. perfectly fine.

Everyone looks at me like I’m crazy. Which their probably right.

Mc- I should take more responsibility for my actions. None of this mess would of happended if I didnt run away. I’m not the most bright person on campus.

I get up and dust my skirt, grabbing my bag and parting my hair away from my face. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears and a mental breakdown right now.

Mc- However. You can easily avoid me in this campus, as theres only one of me. Lets say this. I’ll walk away and act like I never even seen you around before and act like nothing happened.

Great, I’ll be on my way now.

I start to walk away from the group of students, and rub my eyes as I feel a slap of shame hit my face and my nose starting to fill with fluid of me being sad. I quicken my pace as I know this will turn ugly, but my feet have a different thought.

They just make my life better by making me trip over a crack in the path. I fall to the ground hoping the hit would end my life, because I feel like shit until. I feel a warmth grab my hand and another wrap around my waist.

I look up to see who saved me from my fall, to find myself in the arms of Seven.

I can’t help but smile and look at the ground. I can even find a negative scentence to this positive outcome but-

Seven- I’m sorry for what we caused today.. but Its kinda hard to forget a cut- I mean a warm hearted girl like you. And I mean, it would kinda mean alot to me- Umm us if we had someone to show us around and have a new person to the group.

He looks into my eyes, and attempts to give a warm welcoming smile. And holy shit it works. I feel my cheeks plump up and a grin spread on my face. Seven’s expression changes from warm and welcoming to greedy and lustful as his hand raises to wipe the upcoming tears from my eyes, until a familair childish voice snaps me and him back into reality.

???-Saeyoung~ come on, dont hog her to yourself!!

He blinks and smiles.

Seven- Lets go join them shall we, ha lol almost got ya there. Lololol.

I turn my body around facing the direction where I knew this is where my new future would begin.

It was the start of the year, it was the first day and so many things have happened I made a group of new friends. My boobs were groped. I met a really fucking cute guy who is the reason of all of this and last but not least, its not fiction ITS FUCKINNG REALL HAHAHAHA!

The bell rang, to wake me from my evergoing class naps. I look up only to realise I slept in history. Kinda glad I did. I grabbed my stuff and walked out the door. I had just a tiny bit of drool from my mouth and my hair was a bit fuzzy, My legs were numb and my back was sore. My apartment was like 10 blocks away from school so I had a while to think back of what happened today. I stepped outside of the school gates only to see the carpark was packed with girls around the new students car. Jumin, zen, yoosung V and jahee were chilling and looked kinda disturbed. I had a small feeling that this would happen alot. I smiled only to realise Yoosung had noticed me… Oh shit, I mean its a good thing but-

Yoosung- HEY MC! WANNA RIDE!~

I shook my head but I smiled. He smiled back. Some girls behind the large group sneered at me, and looked kinda angry.

Girl 1- Ugh. Whys she getting the attention of them shes just a lonely loser who trys to be different because she can’t be as cool us us.

Girl 2- I heard shes, a slutty whore. I saw her walk into those really shady streets byherself, and she was already on Saeran today like omg get a life.

They both laugh knowing that I could hear in my distance. I just kept walking. Not really giving a dam. I also had a feeling this could get bad, with all the girls talking shit about me. Look did I choose for this, did I want to grab the attention of these hot specimens!!

NOT REALLY

I walk past the crowd and head past the shops and the pub. I start to walk uphill, I hear a loud car drive up behind me. So I just turn up my headphones to full blast and keep walking. The car gets louder and I get more annoyed. I turn to my side and look. It turns out to be the twins. He turns off the car as I stop in his presence. His brother stops texting and looks at me, his cheeks dust with a pink as he probably remembers the events that happened today.

Seven- So uh.. do you want a ride?

I look at him and look at my shoes then I look at him. I think I could use a lift, but I’m also really hungry.

Mc- If.. you know your ok with that?

Seven smiles and bites his lip. His brother turns to the front and covers his mouth.

Seven- hop In.

His car is a black convertible with white leather seats and a gold trim around the outside. I make sure to be very careful with the car, I chuck my heavy ass school bag in the back and throw my droopy legs in the back aswell. I sit down getting a feel to the leather against my skin. I look up to see Seven adjusting his review mirror to be looking at me. I can see his golden eyes staring at me, and he bit his lip again. Dose he have a habit or something?

Seven- so where we off to sweet?

Mc- I know this might be trouble to ask, but I was wondering if we could go get some icecream or something..?

Saeran lights up as If it was Christmas morning. Seven, looks at him and looks back at me.

Seven- Sure thing.

He turns the car on, and the. Radio pops on. He strokes his hair and moves the grear stick, he licks his lips and reves the engine, changing it to the first gear. I dont think mum will mind but I better be home not too late. We drive along the long dim streets covered with the shadows of trees. I start to get tired, and somehow even though seven and his brother is a stranger I kinda feel safe and warm inside, weird feeling. I look back up at his eyes in the mirror and as I do he dose aswell. I start to get a little bit tired so I lay down and just close my eyes for a second or to.

I hear talking, but then I hear nothing aswell as the sound of silence as the car turns off. I slowly open my eyes only to leave a yawn in the air. I blink realising that were not at the ice cream shop. I widen my eyes and look both ways, seven pops up in front of me as I get out of the car.

Mc- where are we?

He looks at me, only to continue to stare with those lustful eyes, that kept pulling me in to something that felt wrong but also felt so right.

Seven- My home.

__________________________________________

A/N

• final part is next

[barblebapkins]

every question (that you wanna do) 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

im gonna try to answer as many of these as i can, get ready to learn more about me than you wanted to!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? i dont even remember, probably my ex ~4 years ago

2. Are you outgoing or shy? very shy hahaha it keeps me from forming relationships with people!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my friend and co-worker who’s been gone for a few weeks

4. Are you easy to get along with? i think so?? i dont think i’m annoying or asshole-ish

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? who again

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? romantically, people who i click with personality-wise

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? no?? i’ve been in the same fucking rut for years now what would change in the next two months

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? nobody in particular

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? depends, in general no not really, when i’m being asked about it specifically, yes it does

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? i feel sad that i cant remember this one lmao

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? me thanking a co-worker for covering for me yesterday

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? i dont even know anymore i’m just listening to numbing void shit recently

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? it doesnt really bother me, my cousin used to do it. i’ve been keeping my hair short enough where theres not much to play with though

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? kinda? i need more room/time than this questionnaire to go into detail about it

15. What good thing happened this summer? the summer just started so i dont really know yet?? but my family is leaving for like a week so i’ll have a whole empty air-conditioned house to myself!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hasnt happened yet!

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? who doesnt

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? that didnt turn out well so no

19. Do you like bubble baths? i havent taken a bath in general in a long time (i always shower) but i wouldnt mind one,,,

20. Do you like your neighbors? i dont know them very well, the people to our left have known our family since my dad was a kid but i never really talk to them

21. What are your bad habits? i drink too much soda and sleep late

22. Where would you like to travel? honestly anywhere, i just want to travel. maybe italy, see where my family is from

23. Do you have trust issues? is the sky blue

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? coming home after work and taking a shower is like a blessing from god

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? surprisingly none of it. my height is still something that bothers me now and then, but i’ve come to accept everything at this point

26. What do you do when you wake up? if i have work, get ready for that. if not, go back to SLEEP

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? i wish i didnt sunburn so easily

28. Who are you most comfortable around? *points at lazypurple staff discord* they are my closest friends at this point

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no lol

30. Do you ever want to get married? i’d like to one day yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? i just had it cut yesterday so no, and it wasnt before that either

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?? what the fuck

33. Spell your name with your chin. dfghZn (not even close)

34. Do you play sports? What sports? none sports

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? i watch almost no tv besides keeping up with SU, which i do online anyway

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing?? isnt that why theyre awkward silences??

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like book stores and also antique stores upstate

40. What do you want to do after high school? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? situational. if someone did something shitty on purpose and meant to harm me, i’d have a hard time putting it behind me tbh

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? 50/50 i’m either sad or zoning out

43. Do you smile at strangers? yes!! i try to be as nice to everyone as possible, there isnt enough of it out there

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? i thought this would be a hard decision but space was almost immediately the answer

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? the amazon echo i bought the other day wakes me up at 7 am every morning heha

46. What are you paranoid about? literally everything

47. Have you ever been high? no

48. Have you ever been drunk? nop

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no not really i am a good egg

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? i dont wear hoodies often but my favorite coat is a dark greyish color

51. Ever wished you were someone else? someone in particular, no, but a different person in general

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my paranoia and depression, it literally ruins everything i ever want to do or say

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont?? know

54. Favourite store? i dont actually shop there but whenever i pass by yankee candle its like a scent explosion

55. Favourite blog? all of my mutuals!!

56. Favourite colour? #0A3210

57. Favourite food? i honestly can not get enough of grilled shrimp its the only seafood i tolerate

58. Last thing you ate? b0rger

59. First thing you ate this morning? i had a honeycrisp apple on the way out the door to work

60. Ever won a competition? For what? dont think so, nothing worth remembering anyway

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope good egg

62. Been arrested? For what? good egg

63. Ever been in love? yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? never happened hahaha

65. Are you hungry right now? yes i need to find food but this questionnaire is DISTRACTING ME

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i dont have tumblr friends lmfao, but i love my friends on discord more than anyone else

67. Facebook or Twitter? i dont use either anymore

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr i guess though i HATE it

69. Are you watching tv right now? nop i dont have tv in my room

70. Names of your bestfriends? @mutuals from lazypurple staff discord 😍

71. Craving something? What? food andattention

72. What colour are your towels? we have a bunch of colored towels without rhyme or reason

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? just one, i used to have two but my brother STOLE IT

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no but my styrofoam gordon freeman standup from comic-con keeps watch while i slumber

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? none, just gordon

75. Favourite animal? i used to love snakes when i was a kid and i still do

76. What colour is your underwear? black with red and white stripes

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? choc

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? what did i JUST say

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? im still in my red five guys work shirt whoops

80. What colour pants? blue denim jeans cos i havent changed yet

81. Favourite tv show? i used to watch game of thrones but stopped caring about it, all i really watch is steven universe when a new ep comes out

82. Favourite movie? i watched up the other day and remembered how much i love it

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? there was a mean girls 2??

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? i have not seen either in a very long time

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? ^

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? bruce the shark is an underrated character

87. First person you talked to today? my dad i think?? im tired in the morning leave me alone

88. Last person you talked to today? today is not over but i spoke to friedn in discord a little while ago

89. Name a person you hate? *looks in the mirror*

90. Name a person you love? *looks at discord* how many times are you gonna make me give the same answer

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? me!!!

92. In a fight with someone? not at the immediate present but there are people i wouldnt mind not running into

93. How many sweatpants do you have? i think like three for four pairs but i only wear them in the winter

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? i dont really wear sweaters or hoodies

95. Last movie you watched? up, a few days ago

96. Favourite actress? i dont really keep track

97. Favourite actor? ^

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? a dog whom i love

100. How are you feeling? i was feeling okay when i started this and slowly descended into a mild sadness along the way lmao

101. Do you type fast? pretty fast i think, havent taken a test in a while

102. Do you regret anything from your past? where do i begin

103. Can you spell well? above average i think

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? i sometimes sort of miss my ex, but then i remember that i dont need her

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes, once a year

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? no, not that i know of

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes actually! it sucked

108. What should you be doing? still havent eaten!

109. Is something irritating you right now? my headache

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? y eah

111. Do you have trust issues? ?? didnt they already ask this like 40 questions ago

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? i dont cry in front of people

113. What was your childhood nickname? ry-bread

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes, but never left the east coast

115. Do you play the Wii? not in a long time, but i’ve been meaning to get a gamecube memory card and play wind waker again

116. Are you listening to music right now? nop, headache hurts too much

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes kinda, i dont like soup a whole lot but chicken noodle is one of the ones i do like

118. Do you like Chinese food? yes

119. Favourite book? i was never much of a book reader anymore but i loved what i read of sherlock holmes

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no i love the dark

121. Are you mean? no!! im good! i think,

122. Is cheating ever okay? no, people put their trust and faith in you, and taking that for granted is one of the worst things a person can do

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? probably not?? i dont wear white shoes though

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? not really, i think it takes time and effort

125. Do you believe in true love? yes i do

126. Are you currently bored? i wouldnt be taking this if i wasnt

127. What makes you happy? feeling secure and cared about!!!!

128. Would you change your name? nah im ok with it

129. What your zodiac sign? leo

130. Do you like subway? no it sucks. jersey mikes is the same thing but so much better

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? dont know?? cant relate

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? yeah this quiz is repeating questions to take up space

133. Favourite lyrics right now? hehe i listened to a song sung by christine ebersole (the supposed voice of white diamond) and the lyrics are stuck in my head

134. Can you count to one million? is this a question of ability or will?? cos i can but i will not

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk off the top of my head and do Not feel like thinking back on stuff like that rn

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

137. How tall are you? like 5′3′’ or 5′4′’ or something

138. Curly or Straight hair? no preference all hair is good hair

139. Brunette or Blonde? no preference

140. Summer or Winter? i dont like either, but if i had to choose, winter cos i hate being sweaty

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? october is BEST

143. Are you a vegetarian? no im vegan

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark pls

145. Tea or Coffee? i dont drink either really but if i know i hate coffee so tea i guess

146. Was today a good day? i guess, im tired though

147. Mars or Snickers? i hate peanuts so i guess mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? I have bad news, guys. I’m steven…

149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes! one tried to suck my DICK

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i got my old four swords manga but it doesnt have PAGE NUMBERS fuck this question

[alostpanda11]

So I’ve decided to make this post because I just need somewhere to put this so in a few months or year, if I haven’t killed myself yet, I can look back and remember how close I was to death. I’m probably gonna take some pills tonight, either I’ll trip or die, regardless of the out come I’m happy with it.

So back story, when I was a sophomore (am currently a senior) I met this boy, I won’t give his name because I still love him and I know there’s like a 5% chance he’ll see this, if you do I’m sorry, I love you, please don’t let this post get to you, just pretend you didn’t see it, or stop reading now, but when I met him I didn’t know he wanted to be a him. I remember the first day I saw him in my computer class I felt my heart melt. He was everything I wanted back then. I used to like to somewhat label people but mentally so I had a reference of what kind of person they were. He was, well I don’t know what I labeled him. He was just perfect in my eyes. He had the cute hair cut, his hair was dyed green, he was wearing a slipknot sweater and some boots. Man I’ve never looked at someone and felt like that. But anyways, some time passes and he turns out becoming friends with a guy I was friends with. I remember we went to smoke together and suddenly that boy was there too. I’ve decided to give names to these people, the boy whom I dated we will call Lula because it means squid and he loves squids. But yeah my friend ends up bringing lula and we all smoke and that ends up turning into our group. For a few months we all hung out together on almost a daily basis, we smoked, we ate food, we had fun. After a while lula started to hang out with others and my fiends and I assumed he was leaving our group so they shunned him. I of course couldn’t do that because I liked him. After a while some stuff happened and I assumed Lula hated me. Our junior year we ended up having a French class together and holy shit my heart melted. I remember seeing him walk in and I was mesmerized. We also happened to have that class with the guy whom introduced me to Lula and at the time I didn’t know why Lula hated him so I continued to talk to him. After a while my friend got transferred class for messing with me too much and so I was left in the class alone because it was a freshman/sophomore class and we were juniors. So a while goes by and the teacher decided to make groups of four in the class. All the groups got filled except for one and I decided to sit there alone because I thought Lula was gonna sit with honors kids (he’s very smart and the teacher had her honor students sit together and lula was an honor kid). Well it turns out he decided not to be an honor kid and sat with me. We didn’t talk. We sat together for the rest of the year and only talked maybe three times and a hand full of times for group work where we were forced to talk. We were forced but I was so happy because I couldn’t build up the courage to talk to him. All I could do was sit there blasting music and watching him draw and do work. I loved that class and when he didn’t come to school everything felt empty. I remember when he started dating this one guy named Miguel. This guy was an asshole. When they broke up, Lula didn’t even know because the guy posted on Facebook but didn’t tell him directly. Anyways, the time goes by and the year ended. We didn’t become friends, I didn’t get his phone number, I didn’t get his snapchat, nothing. The summer time I spent it biking and getting high. Soon after senior year started. I remember walking into my first period hoping to see Lula. I didn’t. I remember waiting for attendance to at least see if he was in the class and was just absent and lord behold, he was. I remember hearing them call his name and my heart went from “meh” to “I just did 6 lines of coke lets do this”. But as the days went by, and him not showing up, I came to the conclusion he dropped out or transferred. I didn’t think he dropped because he was such a smart boy and he seemed to be doing fine. After time passed I decided I needed to start dating, so I decided to date a girl named Pearla. Pearla was a very very smart girl. She has almost straight As, got accepted into 10+ colleges, and had such a bright future. On top of that she is a very pretty girl. I had 4th period with her and well I started to talk to her, asked her on a date, soon after we started dating. Now we dated for maybe a month? And she never messaged me, we rarely talked at school, we didnt make an contact so our relationship was kinda not a relationship. Then one day I made a post on Facebook and it changed. I posted pictures of small tattoos of cats and I was basically looking for someone to stick and poke it on me. Then this person, whom I knew was best friends with Lula before I never saw him again, commented that Lula could do it and that he did their tattoo. He even mentioned Lula in the comment and holy fuck it’s like my heart started beating for the first time. Now I was with pearla so I decided I wouldn’t let myself get feeling for Lula again and that if he started talking to me I would keep it as just friends. And well guess what? We started talking. I remember we talked for a while and got to know each other and one day he basically asked me out on a date. He got a pastry from the restaurant he works at and we went to Dunkin to get the ice cream and we sat there and talked to each other for more than an hour. I remember he put his foot on top of mine because he thought it was the leg of the table. He didn’t even notice it was my foot until we left and he moved his foot and I moved at the same time. He freaked out and asked why I didn’t tell him. I let him know it didn’t bother me and that I knew he thought it was the table so I didn’t even bother. After Dunkin we went to his house and he introduced me to some of his family and to his cats and her babies. Then I went home and smiled the whole bike ride back. Some times passes and guess what? I decided I loved him more than pearla and well I broke up with pearla to be with Lula. Now when that happened we were on winter break so I hand t seen or talked to pearla in two weeks, the one day, December 30th to be exact, I spent the night with him and his friend Ty, the one who got us talking again. And well lets jus say stuff happened (no we didn’t have sex or anything) and well after that night he was basically my boyfriend. I asked him out officially on January 1, 2017. We were together three months and after maybe the second month I could tell Lula wasn’t feeling it anymore. One day I decided to ask him if he still wanted the relationship and well he didn’t. Now it’s been about four or five weeks that we have been apart and well he already has a new boyfriend, Pablo. I was devastated when I found out and I tried to kill myself. I failed but I tried. I love him with all my heart. I know it’s not my business but thinking about them together, doing all the things we did together it kills me. I wish I could have him back, I wish he loved me how I love him. I wish he could see all the pain I’m going through trying to forget us, but “how can you go back to being strangers with someone who’s seen your soul?” No one I’ve ever dated has ever affected me like this. I’ve never said “I love you” to someone and didn’t think “yeah but probably not real love” until I met this boy. The first time I told him I loved him I just blurted it out, I didn’t even think about it, I just said it and well I didn’t know why. I just knew I love that boy. I’m still heart broken and I think about killing myself every day. Drugs don’t numb me anymore and non of my friends really help anymore. I’m posting all this here in hopes that when I do finally do it, that he can come back and read this and know that I love him. Lula, te Amo, you’re my one true love, my other half. I know now Pablo is your other half, but at least at some point a you that was my other half existed and who knows, maybe some day that you will come back, but I know he won’t. Just remember I love you, don’t change yourself for anyone and don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do what you want and can’t be wha you want. Keep being an amazing boy and an even better grandpa to your cats. I love you. If I could have one thing before I kill myself, I hope it’s a kiss from you, my love.

[viridescent-lament]

;-_-; <-crying face eyes closed

my stomach hurts and i think i might cry

its not even that bad but

my eyes keep tearing even though they dont feel like they do when im emotioinal

my body aches but its not that bad

all my problems are sok minor so i dont know why it bothers me so much

ive felt so many things worse than this! but i feel ! T-T

forgot T-T existed already

i cant pinpoint a single reason why rhis feels so bad even though it barelt affects me and i can hardly feel it

headache is strong again. on the sides this time, surprising. usually its the froknt and bacj that hurts. front hurts a little but.

i know what people would say if they read this. 'ita okay that it hurts, etc. ' but i cant accept that as an answer and i dont know why.

want to get something sweet but 1) peaches are the only thing sweet enough and i already had a peach today 2) stomach hurt so cant eat 3) no drink is sweet enough to satisfy and i already had a soda even if it doesnt feel like it cuz i took sips between food

i already had jello and ice cream+brownie+strawberries+whipped cream. that should be enough. my stomach is aching so it is enough. but i need a drink and i need it to be sweet.

ive been very emotional, despite barely feeling the emotion. it affects my body and my thoughts, yet the emotion itself is barely noticeable. i nearly cried because two friends got slavmeada asks and i didnt. how pathetic.

my head hurts too much. i cant even place words on this low level feeling of self depreciation. i could type out paragraphs and paragraphs of how useless idiotic pathetic weak simple stupid 'god youre so smart but you act so dumb' never smart enough never good enough never never so pointless

but i cant think. i have no sentances or reasoning, just a background feeling thst manages to seep into anything i do

i havent even helped my love. they gave me their vent blog, they always are able to help when i need it most, abd all i can do is quietly like their posts and pretend it never happened

useless useless why can't i do something to help i know they didn't give me their bloc purely in hopes i would be useful to them but i want to help i need to help why can i never think of anything

they could probably think of something to say that wards off my negative thoughts but it seems like the more i 'improve ' the better my days are the less comfort their words bring. at first i could understand their logic and the thoughts would leave but now i can't believe I what they say i just nod and pretend it works because there's still a comfort there, the very fact that they would try to help is a comfort but i can no longer believe the sentiment behind it

I'm crying. just small tears, gently pulsating. i still barely feel it. i cant even feel overwhelmed. i can't even feel numb. just like my feelings are turned to a low brightness

i am going to find something to drink. maybe we still have apple juice or lemonade.