#i didn't think we'd get this in december

[pharawee]

NEVER LET ME GO » Dec 13 2022

[marxism-transgenderism]

40. favourite memory!!!

I have a couple different answers

When my best friend back in high school first got on testosterone. His prescription was ready to pick up but his mom wouldn't get off work until after the pharmacy closed. So he called me and asked if my mom would pick it up cause all he needed was someone over 18 with ID. She did and we got the testosterone and immediately drove to his mom's work where she was able to take a break and go do his first shot for him. He did it in the center of the MCR stick and poke he'd gotten from his partner at the time in the back of his car when we'd all parked down town on monument circle. I still have the video of it and it makes me cry every time I watch it. I miss him a lot. It'll be 5 years since he passed this December

When I first came out as a trans woman. I had long since been out as bi and as an uncertain queer when I just made friends with my now best friend. I and a bunch if other people had all gone back to their place. During it all they decided they wanted to dress me up and do my makeup. I'd done over the top drag looks but it was the first time I'd just been put in a simple pretty dress with some nice light makeup. I went in to the bathroom to look at myself and nearly broke down crying. I came out shaking and nervous and said I loved it and I think I want to try she/her pronouns. I still have the pics from that night.

Last one. There was a weekly ritual at the queer youth group I went to as a teen. Every Friday we'd play the song let's have a Kiki by the scissor sisters and would do a big dance in a circle. The older people taught the newer people how to do it and we really encouraged everyone to join in. I had learned it from the older kids when I first started going but within a few years those kids were gone and I was the one teaching all the new kids and coaxing them out of their shells. In that time we'd also added me doing essentially a solo performance of sweet transvestite (I know lol but I was really into rocky horror at the time) that the other kids would do the shouting parts for followed by the Kiki. Eventually I tried to stop doing it just cause I didn't wanna make it all about me but without fail every Friday a bunch of the kids would come find me and beg for me to do it and to lead the kiki dance. It really made me feel loved and happy that all those kids thought of me as so integral to this little queer ritual we had to get everyone to stop being so nervous and come have fun. The org had grown a lot in that time so suddenly this dance that I'd learned when the circle was no more than 10 people in a musty half basement was soon 40 to 50 kids in a big ass lobby. I hope the few from back then who still follow me on here remember those Friday nights as fondly as I do. They meant the world to me

[starlightsuffered]

Christmas Breeding

Info - infertility issues, soft Dom Timothée, pregnant reader, pregnant sex, breeding kink, cock warming

The day had been done slowly. Timothée wanted to cherish every moment he had with me. I did as well but ! was desperate for him to get to my surprise.

Timothée and I had been married for four years. We'd been trying desperately to get pregnant for the last two.

He'd been extremely discouraged when time after time the test was negative.

He'd decided that he would take off all of December so we could focus on just fucking. We made love on every surface of the house imaginable. However, when l'd ask if he wanted to check on my potential progress, he always said no. I knew he was scared and blamed himself.

He said we would officially check on the first of the new year. I hadn't been able to wait so long.

Last Friday I had felt it. My orgasm had been more earth shattering that it ever had. I'd felt like we were one and connected in our souls. I knew that had done it. I knew I was pregnant.

I had taken three tests and they'd all come back positive. I'd sobbed for joy. I'd gone to the doctor's to make absolutely sure. It seemed everyone agreed. I was pregnant.

I hoped Timothée wouldnt be upset with me for checking earlier than we agreed. I hoped he wouldn't be because I was excited beyond belief. I couldn't wait to show him the positive tests.

"Why don't we hope for luck on this Yule day and make love to see if it sticks," he crooned.

"Oh of course," I said. I began to slowly take off my short to show off my Christmas themed lingerie, but then I pretended | noticed something.

"Oh, Timmy, I think there's something left in your stocking," I said casually. A grin unfurled on his face. He winked at me.

"Cheeky," he chuckled. He clearly thought | had a sexy surprise.

My palms were slick. My legs felt like they might give way. I didn't know what he'd say or do. I was worried about shouting and blame even though Timothée was nothing like that.

"What- what is this?" He asked. His large hand shook as he held up the positive test.

"What does it look like?" I asked with a shaky smile.

"But, but, it's positive," he said slowly.

"Yes it is," | nodded.

"And it's yours? This is your test?" He clarified.

"Yes it is," I said, holding myself.

He dove into the stocking again. The multiple positive tests fell out. He breathed heavily as he held them and stared and stared.

"Is this a dream?" He asked with big watery eyes.

"No, it's not. I even went to the doctor and got checked out. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but-" He had marched across the room and kissed me forcefully on the mouth. His hands roamed all over me. He was sobbing gratefully into my mouth. I swallowed his noises of joy. I was electrified by overwhelming happiness.

"My beautiful girl, you are giving us a baby," he said.

"Yes I am, I will, I can't wait," I rambled.

"Get on the floor," he demanded. "And clothes off!"

I was glad that although I was pregnant, his dominate streak was still here. I tore off my pajama pants and I was just in my red and white lingerie. I laid out, on display for him.

"Oh no, I'm not on top, not while your beautiful body is growing my child," he growled. His clothing had been torn off as well, and his cock was throbbing and hard.

In seconds he was on the floor and he had me. He was ripping off my thong. He shoved the fabric against his nose.

"You smell even better pregnant," he moaned. He lowered me onto his dick and then he was thrusting upward harshly.

"I want that beautiful stomach all round with my cum," he groaned. "Such a good girl getting pregnant. You took my cock so well, so many times."

"I did, I did!" | whined as I met his thrust. He felt so good stretching me out. He was bouncing me up and down.

"I knew you could do it baby, I fucking believed in you so much," he promised.

"You did it too," I managed to get out over the pleasure. "All that, fuck, cum!"

"Yeah y/n you took it so well and I filled you because you're a perfect girl who deserves to be filled to bursting with cum," he was growling almost possessively. I knew his dominance and possession would get even more intense now. I couldn't wait.

"I will be, I'll be bursting," I agreed as I placed my hands on my stomach.

"That's right! Who put a baby in you?" He asked.

"Y-you did," I gasped.

"Say my name," he demanded.

"Timothée put A baby inside me," | nodded my head.

"That's my girl," he grunted. I could feel him throbbing and twitching inside me. He was gripping me. One hand came and held my stomach.

"Gotta put as much cum inside your tight pussy as possible," he said as his hips snapped.

"M'already pregnant," | moaned, completely cock drunk.

"Gotta make sure. I need to breed that womb over and over to make sure you stay pregnant with my baby," he swore.

"I'm gonna come," | cried as I my walls clenched him. I let out a wail as I came undone. I saw stars as my body convulsed and twitched.

"Gonna cum, gonna cum inside you," he moaned. He pulled me down so I was flush with him. He was spilling ropes inside of me. He was crying out too, so pleasured and overwhelmed. His load had never been so large.

"Don't get off. Stay on my dick," he pleaded as we came down. We were both still throbbing. I nodded and laid down on his chest. He pulled a blanket over us. Every so often he'd thrust up a little bit to make sure he could still feel his cum inside me. He would sigh in satisfaction when he did.

@pmak2002 @softhecreator @plutoispurplw @sp1deyyf4ngz @seungcheol17daddy @jesschalamet @vvsdreaming

[wheels-of-despair]

The Family Holiday Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: It's December of 1985, and Evil Woman is ready to spend her first real Christmas with Eddie… why is he being weird about it? Contains: Christmas stuff, insecurity, love, a meaningful gesture, tears, being hopelessly devoted to Eddie Munson, a happy ending. Words: 1.6k

"We're putting the tree up and decorating tonight. Probably end up drinking some hot chocolate and watching something Christmas-y. You in?"

You and Eddie had finally been sprung from detention, and thinking about tonight's festivities was the only thing that had kept you awake. The rest of the boys had escaped your cruel fate and gone home when they were supposed to, so it was just the two of you in the van now.

"You need help?"

"What, like 'oh please, big strong man, won't you come help us feeble women-folk put up this heavy plastic tree'?" you tease. "Don't NEED help, but we'd love for you to come hang out."

"Actually…" he licks his lips and concentrates on the road. "I think I might just go home tonight."

"What?" Eddie Munson, passing up Family Fun Time? And hot chocolate?!

"I'm, uh… I'm just really tired. Think I might be coming down with something."

You reach over to feel his cheek, which does look flushed and feel a little warm.

"Are you okay?" He hadn't said anything. Not that he'd been allowed to make a peep during the last hour, but he'd seemed fine at lunch.

"M'fine, just wanna sleep."

You watch him suspiciously as he turns onto your road. You know something's brewing in that twisted little mind of his, but you don't know what.

"Okay," you agree, deciding not to pry. Maybe he just needs a little time to think about whatever he's got going on, and he'll get over it on his own. He pulls into your driveway.

"You want us to wait and do it tomorrow?" It would probably require a little groveling, but you'd do it. You'd do anything for him.

"Nah, don't change your plans on my account."

"Okay," you say again, a little hurt. "If you change your mind, you know where we'll be."

"Don't wanna get you sick too."

"Eddie, you had your tongue down my throat just a few hours ago. That ship has sailed." You tilt your head and wait for a smile. He forces one that doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe he really is getting sick.

"Call me if you need anything?"

He nods. You lean across the van and kiss him on the cheek, then hop out and walk to the door. He doesn't start backing out of the driveway until you've got it open. But this is the first time in forever he hasn't come in with you. It feels strange. You don't care for it.

He didn't come that night, and he didn't call.

Your mother had asked about him, and you'd said he wasn't feeling well. Which, as far as you knew, was true. You thought of him the whole night, from the time you helped wind the lights around the tree, to hanging the stockings, to watching the marshmallows melt in your mediocre cocoa while some claymation special played in the background. Everything was better when Eddie was around.

He arrived the next morning to pick you up for school as usual, but still felt a little distant in the seat next to you. You let the boys ramble about the current campaign while you watched him out of the corner of your eye.

You made an effort to act normally throughout the day. Like nothing was wrong. Like he hadn't unexpectedly bailed on something he was supposed to be a part of. Like he wasn't being weirder than usual.

Despite your efforts to act normal, Eddie remained quiet. He nodded and let out a half-hearted laugh or two at your attempts to break him out of his funk on the ride home. When he pulled into your driveway, he didn't even turn off the van. The rest of the boys had gone to Jeff's to play video games. No one was home. Eddie should be jumping at the opportunity to spend some time alone with you. Unsupervised. Instead, he glances at you like he's waiting for you to get out.

You turn in your seat to face him.

"Alright. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. Tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing."

"Edward."

He sighs.

You cross your arms. "I'm not getting out of this van until you tell me, so you better either start talking, or get fucking comfortable."

He turns off the ignition, then sits quietly for a moment.

"Don't you ever get sick of me hanging around all the time?"

"Nope. Try again."

"Doesn't your mom?"

"You are aware that she refers to you as her favorite child, correct?"

He huffs out an exasperated breath, and it fogs up the windshield in front of him.

"Look. I appreciate you including me. I really do. But Christmas is a family holiday. Like, THE family holiday."

"You ARE family, dummy."

"I'm not."

"You are. You're more family than most of the people I'm related to."

"That's not how it works."

"That is absolutely how it works. I chose you. WE chose you. Those other people are just assholes we happen to share DNA with."

"Look, just…" He grips the steering wheel. "I appreciate you trying to include me, but eventually you're all gonna get sick of me. I don't want to wear out my welcome."

Your heart sinks. Your annoyance fades. How has he not realized that he's your entire world?

"Eddie, you're always welcome, wherever I am," you tell him gently. "You're my favorite person in the world. I fucking love you. I want you with me all the time. Whether it's Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or a random Wednesday, or the day we get married."

He stares at his lap.

"What's it gonna take for you to realize how much you mean to me?"

He shrugs.

And then, you get an idea.

"Come with me."

You get out of the van, but he doesn't. You walk to his side and open the door.

"C'mon, I want to show you something."

He slides down and follows you with his feet dragging, like a big insecure baby. You kick off your boots and drop your jackets, and you take his hand and lead him to the living room. You come to a stop by the fireplace.

"Look."

He lifts his head and takes in the garland and the holiday-scented candles and the nutcracker and the four stockings…

You can see him re-count.

He looks to you with tears welling up in his eyes.

"Told you so."

Your mom has made him a stocking. It matches the ones you and your brother have had since you were babies. She's even stitched Eddie's name onto it. His stocking fits right in, just like he does.

He bursts into tears. He hides his face in his hands and sobs, and you wrap yourself around him the best you can.

You want to tell him that THIS is why you wanted him to come over last night. That you wanted your mom to see his face when he saw his stocking for the first time. That you wanted him hang it himself. But the lump in your throat won't allow it. So you hold him and let him cry and hope that he finally gets it: He's family. The best kind of family; the kind you all chose, because you all love him.

His eyes are red and puffy when he pulls away from you. You brush his hair away from his face, before the tears can dry and glue it to his skin. You don't know what to say. Apparently neither does he.

You take his hand and tilt your head toward the tree. You lead him to it and flip on the power strip. The tree comes to life. You cross the room and switch off the overhead light, letting the tree's colored bulbs fill the room with a warm glow.

You return to the tree and sit down in front of it, lie back, and maneuver your head underneath the branches.

"C'mere," you finally get out. Eddie sits on the floor beside you and copies your movements, his head coming to rest beside yours on the white blanket your mom has wrapped around the base. You reach for his hand and hold it tightly as you stare up at the inside of the tree.

"When I was a kid," you begin, finding your voice again in the familiar calm of the tree's glow, "I used to spend half the holiday season under the tree. Dad always insisted on a real one, but Mom fought him and switched to a fake one after an unfortunate incident involving sap in my hair. THAT was fun."

Eddie chuckles. You're so happy to hear that sound again. You lie there and hold his hand and stare up at the twinkling lights in a peaceful silence.

"I haven't had a stocking since my mom died."

"Really?" you ask, turning your head toward him.

"Mhm," he hums, still staring upward.

"Wayne wasn't a Santa Man?"

"No chimney in a trailer," he says matter-of-factly, like he's heard it a few times before. "Wayne said that's why Santa sometimes forgot to bring me stuff at Mom and Dad's house. Because they didn't have a chimney either, and Santa couldn't remember how to get in."

Wayne's solution brings a smile to your face.

"Did Santa figure out how to get in at Wayne's?"

"He left the presents on the porch," Eddie grins. "Me and Wayne would put out a can of beer and a bag of Fritos for him. He said Santa would want something salty after all those cookies."

You laugh. "Good thinkin', Wayne."

Eddie finally turns his head toward you.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Eddie."

This is the fic that I fought for 2 days, posted, trashed... and then took another run at and gave it a better ending, inspired by this thought from @munson-memories. 🥰

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest - Day 26 - Tour Date

Summary: Corroded Coffin goes all out on one very special day.

Word Count: 998

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Silliness and Shenanigans, Boys Will Be Boys Nonsense

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! Even if you didn’t start on Day 1, you can still join!

Tagging: @the-unforgivenn at her request.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

Corroded Coffin shows were all about the experience.

Eddie had made that a non-negotiable once they had some kind of say in where and how they performed.

"Everyone's coming for the music man," Jeff would always argue. "Wasn't that Bev's whole deal with the Hideout. People are coming for a place to sit and a beer, they didn't need any of the flashiness. We want them to enjoy our sound."

"We want them," Eddie softly grabbed Jeff by the shoulders and squeezed, "to keep coming to see us."

It took them a while to figure out what that experience looked like though.

They tried quite a bit of everything.

Eddie procured a fog machine for some of their early performances, but they quickly realized how bad the fog juice was for the vocals. And if they were in a small venue? All bets were off.

Then they coerced Dustin and Lucas into hooking them up with fireworks.

"I don't think these are the kind of pyrotechnics you should have on stage guys," Lucas worried as they set up.

"It'll be fine," Gareth, ever the hype man, encouraged them. "It's only a little 4th of July fest, who's gonna complain about fireworks?"

It was, indeed, fine. But as for complaints about fireworks? Well, the chief of the Muncie Fire Department had a few choice words for them and they were banned from performing there ever again.

"It's Indiana," Dave complained. "Who would've thought that we'd get in trouble for fireworks here of all places."

They had it down after a few years; they didn't necessarily need to pull out the big guns for every show. They needed to pick their battles.

Metal covers of Christmas Carols mixed into their set list for December shows.

Group costumes and a confetti canon loaded with fun size candy for shows on Halloween--and they always had shows on Halloween.

And their magnum opus? Their piece de resistance? Their tour de france--

"I don't think that means what you think it means Ed."

--would be Friday the 13th.

Just like Halloween they always made sure they had a show on Friday the 13th, whether they were just doing something local or it was a stop on their tour. It became a big deal, a spectacle. Packed events, special merch just for the day, a themed drink if they were having some secret show at a club.

And the shows were always wild.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” Eddie asked as he hauled a theremin out from wings of the stage in ‘92, to a chorus of oohs and ahhs. “Oh this? My sweetheart deserves a night off.”

Dave performed on stilts in ‘95. Did he end up breaking a leg because of it? Yeah but it was worth it.

Gareth decided in ‘97 that the drums just weren’t for him. So he constructed a series of Rube Goldberg machines that would play percussion for him with each song of their set. That left him free to mingle with fans in the pit all night.

“You enjoying your night off Gare?” His band mates asked intermittently all night.

And in ‘98? Well that was a special year with a whopping three Friday the 13ths. It had to be some kind of record--turns out it wasn't--but Jeff decided that they would attempt to break a world record at each show.

And they did.

Dave, ever the midwesterner, broke the world record for Fastest Beer Drinker at their February 13th show. 3 pints in 6 seconds.

"But did it have to be Miller?" he belched out to the uproarious applause and laughter in the audience once all was said and done.

Gareth took the next one home at the March 13th show. A table, a timer, and a stack of cups.

"I read about this sport-stacking thing in some magazine," he told their audience as he prepared himself. "Turns out I'm actually pretty good at it."

For their last attempt at a world record, Eddie and Jeff agreed, it had to be about the music.

"We're a band, we can't be known for most cigarettes smoked in a minute," Eddie huffed.

So on November 13th, they planned not one, not two, but 55 "concerts" in and around Chicago.

The timing had to be perfect, their equipment easy to load and unload, and 3 teams of people traveling around the city to help them.

"Did you know," Jeff said nerdily, "in medieval Europe they did something like this for tours too. A team of servants to take care of them at their current stop, a team at the last destination deconstructing their camp, and then a team at the next destination building one?"

"Are you calling us Music Royalty Jeff?" Dave teased, standing tall and proud.

Their sold out "Friday the 13th Tour" started promptly at 8am at WGN Studios where they started everyone's Friday with a metal rendition of the Chicago's Very Own jingle and taught Larry Potash how to headbang.

They performed, got their picture taken, and had a few slices of pizza at Pizano's around lunchtime.

"Are we halfway there yet?" Gareth groaned as they climbed into the van.

"We're not even at 25," Eddie dreaded as he turned the key in the ignition.

Some of their "shows" were negligible. A crowd of 15 fans inside of a coffee shop, or the one they had right at the entrance of a grocery store, where the ticket also got them a bag of tv dinners. But according to the Record Official that traveled with them all day, they all counted.

An introduction, ticket sales, a song performed, and a crowd. No matter how long or short the concerts were.

And by the end of the night, their actual concert at the UIC Pavillion, the guys were exhausted.

But it felt great to play their first song to a thunderous round of applause, and then for the Official to bring their record out on stage to present to them.

[blazehedgehog]

What do you think of the idea that YouTubers in the 2010s are the reason Sonic had/has a bad reputation?

It's really stupid. Completely unfounded.

You know why Youtubers in 2010's felt that way? Because a lot of people outside of the Sonic fandom felt that way.

I was in high school when Sonic Adventure 1 came out. I got my Dreamcast for Christmas in 1999. Purely by surprise, my brother sent me $200 for Christmas that year after not hearing from him for a decade. I was living in Colorado, and we'd had a white Christmas, meaning the roads were too slick to drive anywhere on December 26th. But I knew I wanted that Dreamcast.

The local Wal-mart was a little over a mile away. So, I bundled up and hiked it. With other money I got for Christmas that year, I had just enough for the Dreamcast, Sonic Adventure, an off-brand VMU, an issue of Official Dreamcast Magazine with a demo disc, and a lightgun -- I'd wanted House of the Dead 2 and I was desperate for a home port of The Lost World.

I played Sonic Adventure all day, every day, for like a week. Some of that was the fault of the cheap VMU I got -- it wasn't even a VMU, it was just a memory card, and it was half the price of the official thing. For whatever reason, Sonic Adventure (and ONLY Sonic Adventure) had trouble saving to that thing. My saves would frequently corrupt and disappear. I didn't mind as much as you'd think. I willingly and happily replayed Sonic Adventure over, and over, and over, and over.

When I got back to school in January of 2000, a lot of other kids had gotten Dreamcasts and Sonic Adventure. And it turned out I was the Sonic Adventure evangelist.

I wouldn't say everyone hated Sonic Adventure, but they were pretty frustrated with it. The main talking point was that there were too many characters in the game and most of them weren't very good. Everyone had their ranking list for who they'd rather be playing as, and universally, everyone just wanted to keep playing as Sonic. Knuckles, Amy, and Big brought up the rear for the most-hated gameplay styles. A lot of kids were saying they weren't even going to bother finishing the game if it meant having to play as Amy and Big.

My point of view was that it was normal. Sonic 2 introduced Tails, Sonic 3 introduced Knuckles, so it makes sense that Sonic Adventure would introduce new playable characters as well. It did little to address their complaints that most of the non-Sonic characters were annoying.

This sentiment never went away. A year later, in 2001, Penny-Arcade, basically the biggest webcomic in the world at that point, awarded Sonic Adventure 2 "the best Sonic game where you do not play as Sonic" award, which was less of an actual award and more of a jab at how Sonic wasn't actually in 75% of that game.

Then the Gamecube ports started coming in, which, if you've watched my Definitive Way to Play series, you'd know that SA1 and SA2 were quick and dirty ports that introduced a lot of problems in visuals, control, and sound. Reviews for those versions deservedly slammed them, citing poor music that drowned out the dialog, rapidly dated visuals, and a generally buggy presentation, on top of all the problems people had with the original Dreamcast releases.

After that, the decline really hit its stride. Sonic Heroes, then Shadow the Hedgehog, then Sonic 06. A real triple whammy of things just getting worse, and worse, and worse. Sonic 06 in particular was so much worse that it hit the fabled point where it wrapped around to being kind of funny for some people.

All of this was YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS before "2010's Youtubers" ever stepped in front of a microphone. Those people were just recounting the lives they had lived.

Anyone who thinks 2010's Youtubers did anything are just revealing how young they were back then, and how ignorant they were about the general temperature of things beyond "after my nappy time and my juice box I'm going to play the colorful animals game, yay!!!"

Before that gets me into too much trouble, I'd also like to say that obviously, times change. Opinions are a fluid thing. There will always be a "younger generation" that thinks about things in a different way than the older generation. Anyone, no matter what era they grew up in, can go back and find some beloved nostalgic classic getting blasted by critics. (For example: recently I rewatched Howard the Duck, a legendary bomb for Lucasfilm, and I loved that movie as a kid)

Loving something that you realize everybody hated when it originally came out is kind of just part of the human experience. A rite of passage, almost. But it helps to embrace that perspective, understand it, and realize you can still keep liking that thing regardless.

2010's Youtubers did nothing except exist.

[starsval]

request for Remus Lupin dating potter! reader. Maybe angsty after Halloween 1981?

i miss you, im sorry

remus lupin x potter!reader

summary: remus leaves when the war ends.

word count: 1k

warnings: mentions of scars, mentions of james' death, sad? idk

"you're just gonna leave?" remus eyes go to the scar on your face, made from the first war. much to your brother and boyfriend's displeasure.

not like it mattered anymore. one of them is gone and the other is leaving you right now. 

"i can't stay here, love, it's too much" he looks away, but he doesn't stand up yet, sinking in everything before he leaves your house forever. 

"you're not going to fight for harry? to keep him safe? you're not going to fight for sirius?" he closes his eyes when you mention his best friend, like you just stabbed him. 

"harry will be safe with petunia, away from the magic. and sirius is a traitor" he spits the last words, even after your efforts in trying to get him to believe that he's innocent. like you do. 

he says his name like it hurts. 

"remus" you sigh, trying to get him to look at you. "he's- he's your best friend, and you know that he'd never do that to james" 

this time you're the one who says someone's name like it hurts. not because you think he's a traitor, but because he's gone, he left without warning. your brother is dead and he will never come back. and with his death you also lost lily, sirius and harry. you don't even have your nephew to take care of. 

remus doesn't answer, instead, he just stares at a wall. 

"you're not gonna fight for me?" he looks at you, and presses his lips together. "i thought, that we'd go through this together" 

"i'm sorry" he closes his eyes. 

"you promised" although he can't see you, he can feel you walk closer to him. 

"i'm sorry"

"when this started, you said we'd go through this together, where did that go?" you're in front of him, but he doesn't open his eyes. 

"i don't know, i'm sorry" he whispers

"i- i know we weren't in the best moment of our relationship before this, but… i didn't think that'd matter"

he swears he doesn't mean to let it drop, but there's nothing he can do as he watches the cup break into pieces. 

"i thought you'd know better than that" he says, ignoring the glass on the floor. 

"better than what? i'm just supposed to stand back as everyone fights?" you can tell he's disappointed. 

"you could've stood with me" he turns around, not waiting for an answer. you can't do much but leave his old apartment. 

with an agreement that you're not talking. 

"it's not like that- i just, you bring me many memories. you remind me of your brother, of lily, of harry, and i can't deal with that" he cups your face in his hands "i'm sorry but i can't"

"you said forever and i almost bought it" this time you're the one who looks away. 

"i meant it"

"did you?" he let's go of your face. 

"i did" he almost swears it, but what's the point when he doesn't anymore. 

"do you remember? happy together?" you suddenly ask, trying to bring back your good memories. 

because maybe he'll regret doing this. 

"i do, don't you?" you talk again. and you think that he's going to agree but he just let's go of your face.

"i'm sorry" he looks like he's actually going to be sick when he stands up and leaves.

and you stay like that, staring at the door he just closed. alone in what feels like a haunted house. because everyone that used to live in it, is gone. 

except you.

    ᨳ      ׂ   𓈒  ⠀🌙 ㅤׂ  ✽    ੭

you were on your way home from petunias'. you tried to at least see harry. but there was no use.

it was already december, and after months of trying, you still hadn't seen your nephew. 

and you knew that it would be pointless. you know it's going to be pointless when you knock on the door of what used to be remus and sirius' house. 

remus opens it, not expecting you there. and he immediately closes it. 

ᨳ      ׂ   𓈒  ⠀🌙 ㅤׂ  ✽    ੭

you figured he hates you. that he'd want nothing to do with you. 

but instead he called. 

"remus?" you immediately call for him, trying with his name a few times, with no answer. 

"i- i thought you hated me? did something happen? is someone hurt?" he still doesn't answer, you can't hear anything. 

"are you making fun of me?" still no answer. 

"remus i have to-" you don't continue, because he says something.

"i miss you" he says, almost inaudible, but you caught it. 

he immediately hangs up. 

ᨳ      ׂ   𓈒  ⠀🌙 ㅤׂ  ✽    ੭

eventually you stop showing up at his house. while you wanted to fight for him, you were still mourning. so you just stopped trying. 

winter went by and spring was reaching it's end. 

maybe it was the breeze that lead remus to your door. 

neither of you talk, you just stare at him. and a minute passes when remus is finally able to meet your gaze. 

"i'm sorry" it's the first thing he says, and he's going to keep talking, but you stop him before he can. 

"that's not fair" you try to close the door, but he keeps it open. 

"i know, and i'm sorry, but i don't wanna go, think i'll make it worse. and everything i know brings me back to us" he's almost crying. 

"and i know that we've been here before, and i swear that i tried not to come here, i tried not to knock, but everywhere i go leads me back to you" he has come closer to you, and you let him. 

"remus-"

"i miss you, i'm sorry" he puts his forehead on yours. and you're both crying. 

"nothing happened in the way i wanted" you tell him, because it's true. you lost everything. 

"i know, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" he puts his arms around you. 

"every corner in this house is haunted" you confess. "and i know you said we weren't talking, but you don't know how hard i had to fight the urge to go to your house every single day" he holds you as you cry. "but i missed you" 

"i still love you, i promise" he kisses your head. 

and you stay like that until you both calm down. then you just get inside, and try to rebuild what you lost months ago. 

[mirai-e-jump]

TV Guide Dan, LDH Special Issue dan the Girls ft. Yuzuki Hirakawa Interview (translation below)

Publication December 1, 2023

-RESOLUTION-

"Hirakawa-san, you entered the entertainment industry after winning the Grand Prix in the vocal and dance category of LDH's, "LDH Presents THE GIRLS AUDITION" held in 2018. Please tell us why you took part in the audition."

Hirakawa: I've always liked LDH artists. I would go and see their live performances, and I watched "Weekly EXILE," a music information program that was being broadcast at the time. Then, I heard the announcement that they'd be holding an audition for female artists for the first time in a while. Before that, auditions had been limited to singing and dancing, but the auditions I attended included various categories, including singing and dancing, as well as acting and modeling. At the time, I wasn't interested in the entertainment world, but my parents and those around me recommended I do it, so I did it partially out of curiosity. However, as judging progressed, before I knew it, I won the Grand Prix…is how it felt. I like singing, but I didn't have any dreams of becoming a singer. After joining the agency, I took singing, dancing and acting lessons equally, and during those lessons, I decided to pursue acting.

"Winning the Grand Prix helped you in deciding to pursue a career in the entertainment industry."

Hirakawa: I was in my second year of high school when I won the Grand Prix, and I had to move from Kumamoto to Tokyo by myself, so I was determined, or rather, I felt I had no choice but to do it. The final stage of the audition was a training camp exam, where about 10 finalists spent a week together. While there, I met other kids who were seriously working hard to pursue their dreams, and I realized that I could no longer be half hearted in my efforts just because I had been chosen. However, when I made my debut as an actor in the stage play of "Moryo no Hako," I didn't know what to do or what was expected of me on the stage, so I just went along with things. It was only last year when I was cast as the role of Rita Kaniska (PapillonOhger) in "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger" that I was able to proudly say, "My profession is an actor. Actually, before I was cast for the role…there was a time when I was wondering if it was okay to continue down this path, or if I should look for another one. That's why I was so happy when I was chosen to play the role, and thought I could continue as an actor. However, I was alittle anxious before the broadcast started. Rita is the king of Gokkan and the Chief Justice of the International Court of Justice, but their gender isn't clearly stated, and their face is almost invisible, being hidden behind their collar and hair. Since this type of character hasn't been seen in the Super Sentai series before, I couldn't predict what kind of reaction we'd get from the viewers. But thankfully, the positive feedback I've received since airing started has made me enjoy filming even more.

"We feel that characters who don't specify their gender are appropriate in the current era."

Hirakawa: I'm grateful to have been given such a role. I've always thought that my appearance, personality and voice were (gender) neutral, so I was happy to have landed the role of Rita. At first, Rita was a calm and quiet character who didn't say much, but as the story progressed, they're able to rely on others, and gradually become able to express their feelings in public. Slowly, their humanity and cuteness is showing, and I hope that my performance will make the character even more beloved.

"We feel like it's more difficult to express a character that changes gradually, rather than one that changes drastically, but do you find it difficult?"

Hirakawa: I'm not sure…personally, I don't find it that difficult. More than the changes of Rita in the story, I think the relationship between me and all the cast members were the biggest change. As filming progressed, the relationship between the cast members deepened, and I feel that we're able to understand each other. I think this naturally led me to express myself in the role. The atmosphere when Rita and their retainer, Morfonia (Hasegawa Kasumi), are together has also changed. Of course, this happened after the halfway point of the story, but it also reflects the fact that the cast members have become closer to each other.

"And now, "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger Character Book: The Bonds Connected by Moffun and Racules?!" featuring Rita, Morfonia, and Hymeno Ran (played by Murakami Erica) is on sale. Please tell us your thoughts after looking back on the photo shoot and interview."

Hirakawa: In the TV series, Rita and Hymeno, and Rita and Morfonia are sometimes filmed together, but this is probably the first time that Hymeno, Rita, and Morfonia are together. This was the first time doing an interview with the three of us, so it was very refreshing. Rita is called the "Immovable King," a character with very few movements. So, there aren't that many posing variations, but Hymeno and Morfonia moved alot to add variety, so I felt thankful for that (laughs).

"In episodes 32 and 33 of the TV series, there was a collaboration with "Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger." You co starred with Shiono Akihisa-kun, playing the role of Souji Rippukan (Kyoryu Green), who also belongs to LDH."

Hirakawa: The day after it was decided that I'd be appearing in King-Ohger, I had work to do with Shiono-san, and when I told him, "I'm going to be your junior in Super Sentai," he said to me, "I know it'll be a tough year, but please do your best." He also said, "I hope we can work together again somewhere." At that time, I never imagined that I'd be able to work with Shiono-san in King-Ohger, so I was really happy when the collaboration episodes were announced. We only had one day of filming, but I was able to hear stories about the "Kyoryuger" days, and I was deeply moved by being able to appear in the same scenes for the first time. The collaboration episodes were directed by Sakamoto Koichi, who's famous for his action direction, and although we had to fight more enemies without transforming than usual, since I like action, it didn't bother me, and it was a valuable experience. I'm also working with Amano Kousei-san, another senior at LDH, who plays Grodie Leucodium starting from episode 30. Since Grodie is Rita's enemy, they have many scenes together. Amano-san is very considerate, lending us things to cool our necks when we were on location during the hot season. Also, he gets involved with me on Twitter, and is a really funny and friendly person. However, once he gets into his role, he completely changes, which I think is amazing.

"Since our magazine mainly features men, we'd like to ask what kind of men Hirakawa-san likes."

Hirakawa: Someone who's firm and flexible. When he messes around, he'll completely mess around, and when he talks about serious matters, he's serious. I'm the type of person who gets excited when I'm having fun, so ideally, I'd like someone who has the same enthusiasm as me, and to take the initiative and have fun doing whatever it takes, instead of being drawn away from me (laughs). Also, I think it's wonderful if he can say, "Thank you" and, "I'm sorry" for even the smallest of things, and if he cares about family.

"If you could be reborn, would you prefer to be male or female?"

Hirakawa: I'd like to be male. I used to play with my brother, who's 5 years older than me, and his friends, and I wanted to be a boy too.

"Well then, if you could be a man for one day, what would you like to do?"

Hirakawa: I wonder…(taking time to think), I guess I'd do some muscle training. If I can become a muscular man like Kaku So-san, my co star in King-Ohger, I'd like to go to the gym and train my muscles until he admits defeat! Kaku-san said he can bench press 120 kg (265 lbs), so I'd like to aim for that too and show off my muscles to everyone (laughs).

[caffeinatedopossum]

I need some advice- if you've been on my blog the past week, you've probably seen some stuff about me and my girlfriends. I'm gonna kind of word vomit about it because it's still not properly sorted out into a cohesive narrative in my head so please bare with me

After typing some of it out, I decided to make it into 2 parts. Idk I understand if none of you want to take the time to read something this long though.

Also tw, mentions of SA

On February 14th, one of my girlfriends and I were hanging out over call- I had two because my first girlfriend and I were trying polyamory. I'm gonna call the first girlfriend mimi- and I've been dating her for over 2 years now. The other I'm gonna call fish- mimi and I had been dating her for only a few months but I'd known her quite a while and we were very good friends.

Fish lived with their parents still, in what seemed like a very abusive and unhealthy environment, so mimi and I were arranging for them to come live with us. They had come to visit us in late November-early December and a few days into their visit was when we started officially dating them.

Skip forward to February 14th and fish suddenly starts telling me horrible things about mimi- that she's been using me, manipulating me. That she was doing the same things to fish and that she SA'd them while they were here. I started having a horrible panic attack- like heart pounding so hard you could easily see it through my shirt like a cartoon character. I thought I was going to die. Fish guided me through what I should do, though at this point I couldn't talk because I was too shaken, so they were talking and I was typing.

I ended up leaving my house, in the middle of the night, in the cold, by myself, with a few essential belongings. I went to a nearby gas station and hid in the bathroom, hoping to get one of my roommates to meet me there and idk, get me a hotel or something, at least for the night. I could tell I wasn't thinking clearly and I needed some space away from both fish and mimi for a bit- but that didn't end up happening.

Mimi came to find me at the gas station and I was terrified- I thought she would hurt me. Fish didn't lead me to believe mimi would hurt me (at least not directly) but you have to understand the situation triggered my ptsd, in which I was in this situation in the past and the other person very much would have hurt me. Me and mimi eventually went on a very long and talked about things.

She told me that her and fish had slept together while they were here and apologized and said she felt ashamed of it- I'm a sex repulsed asexual and had asked sex stay out of our relationship. That may seem like a weird boundary to have but they both agreed to this boundary of mine with no problem- and then broke it. Mimi also told me they slept together the first night fish was over at our house, before we had even started dating. We'd talked about it lots but we still hadn't made any decisive moves or invitations at that point.

[winterfergerart]

So I'm gonna make a personal kind of post here. TW for death in the family and my own post-covid symptoms.

Last year my grandfather died. He was the man who raised me, so he was more like a father than a grandfather. As he was getting close to death I was asking my family if there was going to be an inheritance which, I specifically said at the time, I need to know so that I can know what to do about my SSI disability and plan ahead.

People just said I'd get a 'tidy sum' or 'deferred comp' at best. No steady numbers. So without knowing what I'd be getting I had no way to prepare. I think they just thought I was being greedy and wanted to know selfishly. Not that I needed regular medical coverage.

He died without having said anything about being proud of me, but the family found a box of all my pictures growing up in his closet. Other people too, but mostly me, and I didn't know what to do with that because he never really said that he was proud of me or anything.

Because of that his death hit me really hard. Like, the entire span of his slow decline, from the year before to the day he died, I kind of withdrew from a bunch of my friends. Years ago someone put it in my head that wanting help when you're troubled is manipulative so I took it to heart. I pulled away from a bunch of people that made me happy because I didn't want to stress them out with my problems. I pulled back from my hobbies 'cause I didn't trust myself to engage anymore. I was hurting too much.

After he passed, other than a few people, I was all alone.

I received notification concerning my inheritance in December and I filled out the paperwork in early January, specifically requesting that I be given some time to prepare before receiving payments. They didn't listen. So I had to get off SSI, lost my insurance, had to loosely plan to buy some. It's not a lot of money, but it is too much to recieve public assistance.

But I thought, maybe I can do something that makes me less dependent on the government now. I can get married. Maybe I can go back to school. Maybe I can start a small jewelry and miniatures business. Maybe I can invest. Maybe I can start volunteering at domestic violence shelters.

Then two months ago, I caught Covid for the first time in 4 years.

The S.O.? Oh he was fine. It seemed like a bad cold. But me, first it was the fever, and then my lungs deteriorated for two weeks. Doctor round one? "It's a Covid cough, it's expected." Doctor round two? "Yeah, Covid cough can go on for a while. Here's sudafed and cough pills."

It took my blood oxygen to drop into dangerous levels (90%) for anyone to take me seriously. And despite that doctor trying so hard and giving me great meds, I just had a massive relapse and today I'm struggling to breathe again. I'm sitting here crying and coughing up chunks of god knows what. All this being paid out of pocket, because I don't have insurance and no one listened to me. About the inheritance, about the deferred comp, about the insurance, about how badly my lungs were doing post-Covid.

I had been exercising every single day for two years. I was actually starting to lose weight. I was so proud of myself. Now that's all been set back. I was gonna get married. But SSI is holding me in this sort of limbo where I'm not covered but I'm also not free.

I miss my support system. I've loosely tried to reach out but I've not been very good at it because I always sucked at social anyway. I'm sorry that I threw it away while it felt like I could only radiate badness and loss. If any of you are still out there I miss you and I'm sorry I abandoned you. I thought I was doing us both favors and we'd be better off without each other. So I'm throwing it out there that either I'd love to hear from you again, if you're still watching this account, or please just know I'm sorry I let you down.

PS. I don't want money. I just want to see a bright spot again when every time I get ahead I get knocked back.

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Backstage Story Translation - Chikage Utsuki SSR - Today's Star: Toujou - Part 1

this is a request by taruchikas, who also provided a video of the story! tysm!

[Violin performance ends]

[Clapping]

August: You can even play this now? You really can do anything, that's amazing.

April: … They taught us the basics long ago.

August: That's true. I pretty much sucked at it, though.

April: And that's why you were excluded from this mission.

August: Is December and my mission to infiltrate the dormitory just a distraction, then?

August: December will be happy to take it easy.

April: Anyway, there are only a few weeks left till the mission. I need to be able to play a little better than this until then…

August: You're supposed to be an orchestral apprentice, aren't you?

April: Well, to put it in plain terms, yes.

April: I may not be going as a musician, but I am a student at a music school. If I can't play well enough, people will be suspicious of me should something unexpected happen.

August: You're as earnest as ever. I can really see why you were picked for this mission.

April: … I'm going out.

August: At this hour? December will be back soon, I was thinking we'd have dinner…

April: No need. I'll just grab something on the way if I get hungry.

August: … See you later.

-

Sakuya: I'd like to discuss next month’s schedule next…

Chikage: Rehearsals for the supporting character spin-offs will probably have started by then.

Sakuya: That reminds me, the poll results were announced yesterday, weren't they?

Citron: So curious to find out how they ended!

[Door opening]

Manager: Utsuki-kuuun! I've finished the tuning~!

Itaru: A violin… Guess that means it's Toujou from the Quartet play.

Sakuya: Toujou was pretty cool!

Citron: Oh, I cannot wait!

Itaru: What will the story be like?

Chikage: I was thinking of leaving it up to Tsuzuru if possible.

Tsuzuru: Me…?

Chikage: It's not that I’ve already thrown in the towel, or that I don't care. I simply want to act out the story Tsuzuru writes.

Tsuzuru: Thank you very much. But I still wonder what would be good…

Tsuzuru: That reminds me, there was a story you and Itaru-san talked about back during the performance.

Izumi: If I'm not mistaken… It was about Toujou and Machida's time as students?

Chikage: Ah… We did talk about that, but it was just for the sake of role building.

Masumi: But you had asked Tsuzuru to come up with first names for them. And even asked him about their age and background.

Izumi: Eh, is that true?

Itaru: Well…

Chikage: We may not have had that many scenes, but because of that we had to think about fleshing out our roles ourselves.

Tsuzuru: I also found it interesting, so expanding on that and making a story out of it might seem like a good idea.

Itaru: Can people nearing their 30s even bring out the sparkle of youth…

Chikage: It'll be quite a challenge.

Tsuzuru: Ah, there's something I'd like your opinion on… Can I include a scene where Toujou plays the violin?

Tsuzuru: I actually wanted to add a scene like that back then too, after I found out that you can play the violin.

Tsuzuru: You declined back then, so that didn't happen…

Tsuzuru: Toujou is the main character this time, so I'd like to include it if possible.

Manager: Eh, you weren't planning on playing!? I got so excited when I heard that Toujou had won that I even tuned the violin…

Citron: I'd also like to see Chikage playing the violin!

Masumi: I don’t think it’s something you should limit yourself on.

Chikage: Well, as long as we do it with finger-synching. (1)

Sakuya: Chikage-san, you’d look picture-perfect even if you just stood holding a violin!

Itaru: Ah, I have no instrument playing experience whatsoever, so I’d appreciate it if I had as few performing scenes as possible, TY.

Tsuzuru: Ehh…

Izumi: Well, we can probably do something about that during the production.

Chikage: You little…

Itaru: Teehee. (2)

Chikage: You're too old for this.

Masumi: And you're gross.

Itaru: Tough crowd.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

NOTES:

(1) pretending to play the instrument while the music plays in the background, apparently more commonly known as fingering

(2) this is てへぺろ (tehepero). he's like, winking and sticking his tongue out

[bchan95]

'Tis The Damn Season (Bang Chan x Reader)

The freshly fallen snow fell perfectly on top of all of the small rooftops scattered across the brightly lit Christmas village. The one thing I loved about my hometown is that they knew how to make every day of December feel like the warmest cup of hot cocoa on Christmas day.

Each year, the city square was filled with colorful lights and festive decorations. Smiling snowmen and sparkling snowglobes as far as the eye could see. Even the town clock was decorated, counting down to the big day.

This year felt a bit different though. It was the first Christmas without my best friend. It felt weird without Chan around. He was always the most excited about the holiday season. He always met me at my house bright and early with a white chocolate mocha in hand, and brightly colored cheeks.

We would walk these city streets together, ranking the decorations as if we'd ever been able to design anything in our lives. Pointing out broken lights, mismatched decor and corny signs until our stomachs hurt from giggling.

"Ms. Cleveland really could have done better," he'd spit, shaking his head before smiling over at me.

"A shame, truly," I'd nod before bursting into laughter.

I wonder if he's home. His school started Christmas break right after mine. Well, at least I knew they did the last time we spoke. That conversation was still heavy in my mind as I swirled my red cup in my hand, looking at the green and red lights above the old schoolhouse.

It was my fault, I knew that. But nothing could help me shake the panicked look that rose across Chan's face when I told him. When I stupidly said those three words that made me lose him forever.

We were walking over the bridge near my house. Lamposts ahead wrapped in garland and white light. I tried to focus on the festive decor to stop my hands from shaking. I look over at him and it makes it all worse. His jaw had become more chiseled over the school year. His arms were bigger too. But that bright smile never looked a day over 12 years old. Those bright red cheeks brought a soft air of familiarity to my fluttering chest, as I pressed the drink against my lips.

He turned to me with a smile, before it dropped a bit in worry. He stopped abruptly, fully turning to face me.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" He said, reaching out for my hand. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

He pulled me off to the side of the bridge, our arms resting on the plush green leaves as we continued to look at each other. I could feel my throat dry, bringing the tea in my hand back up to my mouth for a quick sip before I nodded. He shakes his head and leans in toward me.

"I know when you're lying, you know?"

I smirked, looking down at the ground. He could always read me like a book. I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment before my eyes rose back up to meet his. I knew I had to tell him now before I chickened out again.

But how do you tell your best friend that somehow over the past six months, you've begun to see them differently. That you wanted to hold his hand like you always did. But you wanted it to mean something entirely different. That you wanted to kiss those red cheeks that you made fun of for years. That you wanted more.

I paused for a moment before sighing and meeting his eyes again. His lips mimicked mine, his teeth biting down on the flesh of his rose-colored lips.

"Chan," I started, scrunching my nose as the winter wind ripped past me. "You said we can tell each other anything... right?"

He nodded furiously, his eyes never leaving mine. I know I cannot un-say what I'm about to say... but if I didn't let him know how I felt that might actually be worse. I sighed again, nodding myself along to let the words fall out of my mouth.

"Chan I... I think I love you."

He smiles at me, rolling his eyes "I love you too, nerd."

I shake my head "Chan, no you do get it... I love you." I put emphasis on the second word, watching as the realization washed across his face.

He slowly nodded, and his lips dropped into an "oh" shape. I felt my eyes watering as his reaction didn't shift to one of warmth. When. he didn't smile brightly at me. I swallowed hard, turning away from him.

"I'm sorry," I yelled from behind me, making my way back to my house and away from his bright gaze.

I heard him calling my name for a moment as I shuffled down the path filled with freshly fallen snow but I couldn't get myself to look back. To see those eyes filled with pity at the dramatic scene I caused. So I pushed forward until I made it through my front door, sliding against it with tears pouring from my eyes.

Chan had texted me a few times the next day. The messages were filled with "we should talks" and "please responds" but I couldn't get myself to hit any of the keys. I would start a paragraph about how I was just kidding and that I didn't mean what I said but I'd hit delete before ever pressing send.

He finally gave up after two weeks of me actively avoiding him in grocery stores and deleting his text messages. Part of me was sad that he stopped reaching out, but another part was relieved that I didn't have to try to have this conversation.

It had been about a year since that encounter. I was finally feeling brave enough to venture out on my own in town. My mom had finally stopped asking where Chan was, and if we had had a fight. My heart stopped racing as we drove through the city past his family's big blue house right outside of the Christmas village. I selfishly thought that I had healed.

Smiling to myself, I let my eyes admire the silver tinsel and bright gold bells adorning that clock tower. I spun in a circle through the middle, giggling a bit as I settled into a standstill sipping sweet chocolate and whipped cream. It was painfully quiet, the market vendors just beginning to set up at the other end.

I decided to press forward to explore the market for once. Maybe find those clay earrings mom wanted or a set of chopped firewood for the fire. As I neared the entrance, I saw a familiar black puffer jacket to the left, carrying baked goods by the crate.

I stop dead in my tracks. I should have known his mom would be here. She makes the best sourdough in town. She has a waitlist for loaves right before the holidays. And of course, he was here helping her. The most caring guy I know, constantly making sure his mother had ample water and never had to lift a finger.

There was still time to turn around. I could spin back on my heels and race back to the house before he even turned my way. But before I could retrace my steps, I saw Chan's mom point in my direction. Chan's eyes followed her arm, and over to my shaking figure. I was frozen in place.

I watched him say something to his mom before setting the crate back into the pickup truck, shoving his hands in his pockets, and walking my way. My heart raced as I saw his body come into view. I picked up the cup and brought it back to my lips, letting my eyes fall to the ground as I heard his footsteps.

What will he say? Will he yell? I'd deserve it. I left without an explanation. I felt my heartbeat in my throat, my hands shaking against the paper cup as I walked myself through the possibilities.

The footsteps stopped right in front of me. He sighed loudly, causing me to look up and finally meet his eyes. Mine widened as I realized he was smiling at me. Shock zoomed through my body, creating goosebumps on my forearms as I tried to maintain eye contact with him.

"So you are alive..." I heard his giggle, dimple popping out on the left side as his smile widened.

I blinked, mind completely blank. "What?"

Chan took a step closer to me, leaning his head to the side. His smile never wavered. I expected frustration. Angry words. Even a little bit of grit to his voice toward me. But none of that aggression was to be found in those soft eyes.

"Y/N. You scared me. I thought I lost you."

I gasped, feeling his hand reach out to mine. I let him intertwine them and fall between us. The snow had started falling again, wrapping us around in a soft white glow.

"I-," my voice shaky as I felt his thumb rub up against the top of my hand. "I'm going to be honest, I didn't think you would want to see me again."

I felt my cheeks warm as Chan shook his head at me. He took another step toward me. Our bodies were dangerously close and I could already feel the heat of his closing in on mine.

"I wasn't the one who ignored phone calls and texts...."

It was my turn to giggle, nodding as I gnawed on my lower lip. He had a point there. I was the one who cut off contact. But that still didn't explain his softness toward me. His hand in mine. His eyes, bright and wide.

"I'm sorry."

His grin grew again "You should be...."

I nodded, lips parted with an apology right on the tip of my tongue. He shook his head as he softly hushed me, and spoke up again.

"Not because I'm angry, but because I missed you," he giggled and his nose scrunched up in the way I like.

"I missed you too..." I said just above a whisper.

We sat there in silence for a moment, eyes just pressing into each other. Finally, he broke the quiet with a sigh.

"You know I love you too, right?"

I shook my head "But Chan..."

He stepped in closer, the space between our bodies fully evaporating. His hand moves away from mine, and to my cheek where he softly captures my jaw, thumb painting soft circles on my skin.

"No buts...I love you."

"Like?"

"Yes, like you love me," He adds, his mouth outstretched into a wider grin, exposing his perfect teeth as he leans in toward my face.

I swallow my pride and let myself melt into his touch. His lips hover over mine, his peppermint breath overtaking my senses. He pauses near my mouth to whisper.

"Just don't run away from me again."

I nod ferociously, gaining a giggle from him once again before he presses his lips into mine. Soft and slow, our mouths crash together in the glow of the Christmas tree behind us. A loud gong of the town bell was the only thing that pushed us apart as it rang in the morning market. He presses his forehead into mine, pecking my lips.

"God, I missed you."

[operationmorewhitecollar]

Shall we play a game?

Nope, not chess or Parchisi. And not even global thermonuclear war. (If you get that reference, you might just be as old as we are!) But no, none of those games are where we're headed. This year, we're hosting a good old-fashioned game of bingo!

That's right, since we're almost two weeks into the new year, we thought it might be time to roll out our new creative challenge, which will continue throughout 2024.

As always, we're in the market for any and all fan creations centered on White Collar, and this year, we're providing prompts in the form of mini bingo cards, with new prompt cards coming out quarterly. (Jan, April, July, October) If you want to play, just let us know (comment here, dm, however you want to get in touch), and we'll get you a card so you can get started!

Some details:

When we say "any and all fan creations," we mean it--let your creativity run wild and make whatever you want to make! Draw, write, paint, record a podcast, shoot a video, whatever your creative preference.

We're using a 4x4 card format, and there is a FREE space, so that means a total of 15 prompts for three months. Complete a line of prompts, get a bingo; complete the whole card during the quarter, and that, dear friends, is a blackout!

Much like our drabble prompts, the bingo prompts are pretty broad, and many (maybe most?) are only one word. They run the gamut from theme words to genre to story length and beyond. (Not to worry if you're making art or some other non-written creations; we've got provisions for swapping prompts.)

Prompts were randomized to create the cards, and the card numbers were randomized to create the distribution order, so the prompts you end up with are strictly luck.

Okay, that's probably the most important stuff to know, except, of course, that we hope lots of you will join in and that everyone has tons of fun creating new White Collar stuff, because we're sure going to have fun seeing whatever you make!

So whenever you're ready, shall we play a game?

(We'll put a few more detailed FAQ items below the cut, but if you've got questions we didn't think of, just let us know and we'll make up an answer.😉)

Q: What can my entries be? A: Any type of creation you choose. fic, art, blog post, essay, cross-stitch, we're not picky. Interpret the prompts any way you like, in any genre, any relationship, any rating, any characters, you get the idea. (Unless, of course, the prompt is more specific.) As long as it's White Collar, it's fair game.

Q: Where do we share our work/how will you know we made something or got a bingo? A: First, put your creations somewhere we can see them! There'll be a collection on AO3 where most types of work can be shared. (We're debating if it's better to have just one collection for the year or one for each quarter; if you've got any opinions on that, feel free to weigh in.) If you're sharing here or on other socials, be sure to @ us, and use #WhiteCollarBingo. But, while we'll be doing our best to keep up, we're hoping there will be so many entries we'll lose track, so definitely tell us if you completed a bingo!

Q: Can I make one story/picture/video/etc. for the whole card? A: You may use as many prompts as you like in each entry, but only 2 prompts per line may be counted toward a bingo. (So you will need at least two entries to achieve a single bingo, and though we may have miscounted, we think that means at least ten entries to make a blackout.)

Q: Are crossovers allowed? A: Yes (and may even be a prompt!), but White Collar should obviously be prevalent in your work.

Q: How long do I have to complete my entries? A: We'll be issuing new cards each quarter (Jan-March, April-June, July-Sept, Oct-December), and in a perfect world, we'd like to receive entries within that quarter. But you know we've never been sticklers for schedules, and the point is to encourage more White Collar creations, so we'll be glad to get them whenever you finish.

Q: What do I win when I bingo? A: Bragging rights, and your name on our (soon to be created) bingo accomplishments page.

Q: What if there are some prompts I really don't want to use, but I want to try for blackout? A: We will provide a max of two alternate prompts. (This max does not apply if you're making non-written creations and somehow ended up with a card full of writing-centric prompts.)

Q: What if I just can't work with the card I receive at all? A: We'll exchange your card one time. Part of the fun is stretching our creative muscles.

Q: If I exchange my card, will any previous entries count toward bingo on my new card? A: Nope. It's a fresh slate, so examine your card when you get it to decide if it works for you.

Q: If I complete my card, can I have another? A: Yep, and we'd be very impressed! (and happy!)

Q: Where did these prompts come from? A: Many suggestions from our followers, and we've been hunting and gathering, too. But we want to have lots of variety as the year rolls along, so please keep those suggestions rolling in.

Q: Can something I made for another challenge count toward a bingo prompt/Can I submit my work to more than one collection or challenge? A: As long as it's new work, and if the other challenge doesn't ask for exclusivity, bring it on! And frankly, we'd love to see more White Collar activity in multi-fandom spaces. Also, we'll surely be hosting other events throughout the year (at least Mozzie Mania and Caffrey-Burke Day), and you can certainly use a bingo prompt for any of those challenges as well.

[lilacella]

So, Sirius didn't like being touched. And James liked touching. A recipe for desaster, one would think, but with James everything was different. When James had hugged him in the bathroom in first year, it hadn't felt overwhelming, restricting or otherwise unpleasant. It had felt safe. When James grabbed his arm to excitedly pull him towards the Quidditch field on game days it felt nice. When James casually wrapped an arm around him when they sat together, Sirius melted into his touch, reveling in the warmth of James' body. So maybe he liked being touched, but only by James.

Reindeer Games

Previous Next

Chapter 2/5: Third Year

"Can you two tone it down a little, please? I'm really tired," Remus mumbled in his pillow. It was already past midnight but Sirius and James weren't ready for sleep yet. There was so much to do, so much to plan!

They had just gotten the map to finally work! Well, at least it was moving now. The accuracy of the marker positions still had room for improvement - people seemed to be walking straight through the walls, sometimes at unreasonable speeds - but overall it was syncing with the castle. It had taken them two years and many late night trips into the forbidden section to do this and they were very proud of themselves. Of course Remus and Peter had helped, but the intricate magic at the core of the map had been their work.

"Oh come on Remus..." James complained.

"Sorry but I really need to rest. Can't you just continue this tomorrow?"

That wasn't an option at all. So instead Sirius decided to pull James from the floor over to his bed:

"Just come over, James. We can close the curtains and use a muffling spell."

There they were laying now, on their stomachs, shoulder on shoulder peering onto the map. Sirius chewed absentmindedly on his lip.

"We should protect it somehow. What if someone catches us with it and takes it? We'd loose all our work!"

James nodded in agreement.

"We need a password. Like the Portals to the houses. It should stay obscured until you say it."

"Hmmm...what should we take though? It would be an issue if we forgot it."

"It should have a meaning for us." James leaned a little against Sirius, eliciting the familiar tingle on his skin that he always felt when they were touching. It was nice being so close to James.

James squinted his eyes.

"Maybe an oath? Like...I solemnly swear that I..."

"Am up to no good," completed Sirius with a giggle that James joined immediately.

"Yes, that's perfect, let's go with that. If the others have a better idea we can always change it. Let me do it."

James pulled the map towards himself and started casting charms onto the thick paper. Sirius put his head onto his crossed arms and watched him. He liked watching James practice magic. He was good at it. Something about the way he uttered the words and how his face looked when he concentrated made Sirius feel warm and fuzzy. James really was his best friend.

They spend some more time tinkering with the map but, as time passed, both of them became more quiet. Sirius was awfully tired. But he didn't want James to go yet, didn't want to give up the casual intimacy of sharing a bed, a space where it was just the two of them.

Both of them had now fully laid down, sharing Sirius' pillow and duvet. It was starting to get a little chilly with the December air permeating the walls of the castle. They weren't really talking anymore, just looking at each other, every once in a while one of them would crack a stupid joke, making the other break out into a sleepy giggle.

"I'm so tired," James mumbled. "But I don't want to leave. It's so comfortable."

Sirius smiled into the pillow.

"I mean, if you want, you can just stay here."

"You sure?" James asked, eyes already closed. Sirius reached out to remove his glasses.

"Sure. Bed's big enough for both of us 'innit?"

James made an affirmative noise and soon his breathing evened out and he was fast asleep.

Sirius wanted to do nothing more than join him in his peaceful slumber, but he couldn't. It wasn't because he wasn't comfortable. He really was. James was warm and he smelled good and Sirius didn't mind that they were touching a little. It was rather that his heart just wouldn't calm down. Maybe he had gotten too excited about the map? Or maybe he was freaked out by the dark. That happened sometimes, although he didn't really feel scared right now. Still, he shuffled a little closer to James, just in case it helped. It didn't really. But being close to James was nice. It was really nice. Sirius caught himself wishing that James would always sleep next to him.

And, from now on, James did. Not every night, but often enough, the two of them fell asleep sharing one of their four-posters. It was just more convenient like that, they told the others: They could stay up and talk as long as they wanted, without getting on Remus nerves and it was more comfortable than their usual corner on the dorm room floor. Wrapped up in the same duvet, and sometimes in each others arms - in a small bed you had to somehow organize yourselves - talking and snickering until they both drifted off to sleep. Sirius secretely loved it when James threw an arm around him in his sleep or moved his head onto his chest. He liked touching him. And there was nothing wrong with that. They were just good friends sharing a bed.

In general, Sirius wasn't much of a fan of other people touching him. He despised people that tapped his back with their finger to gain his attention. He didn't like it, when someone randomly put their hand on his shoulder while they talked. He didn't appreciate people hugging him when he was upset - it only made things worse.

Touch had always been something he viewed as a massive breach of boundaries. At home, there was none of it. Sirius couldn't remember that his parents had ever hugged him. He wasn't even sure if they had carried him as a baby since he remembered that his younger brother Regulus had always been either pushed around in his cradle or carried by their houself Kreacher. When his parents touched him, it was about control. His father would put a hand on his shoulder to steer him into the direction he wanted him to go. His mother would grab his arm to keep him into place, grab his chin to force him to look at her.

So, Sirius didn't like being touched. And James liked touching. A recipe for desaster, one would think, but with James everything was different. When James had hugged him in the bathroom in first year, it hadn't felt overwhelming, restricting or otherwise unpleasant. It had felt safe. When James grabbed his arm to excitedly pull him towards the Quidditch field on game days it felt nice. When James casually wrapped an arm around him when they sat together, Sirius melted into his touch, reveling in the warmth of James' body. So maybe he liked being touched, but only by James.

And with their new co-sleeping habit further normalizing their physical closeness, James reached out for Sirius more and more.

"There aren't any more seats," James says as he squeezes with Sirius onto a single armchair in the common room ending up almost sitting on his lap.

"I just need something to figet with," James explains to Remus, who watches questioningly how James is playing with Sirius hand while they are talking, absentmindedly brushing his fingers over his or pushing his hand up Sirius' sleeves, touching his arm.

"I'm just tired," Sirius says as he drops his head onto James shoulder when they sit together in the library.

"All the girls do this too," James says, when some of his Quidditch teammates give him weird looks for holding Sirius' hand on the way to class.

"It's cold!" Sirius says when James and him snuggle up together under a blanket, while they plot the next prank with the other two.

"Do you think this is weird," James asked as they both lounged on Sirius bed again. James head was resting on Sirius chest, looking up to him, Sirius was drawing circles on James arm with his finger.

"Why? Do you think it is?" Sirius tried to hide the uncertainty in his voice.

"No. I think...I think were just friends. And there is nothing wrong with friends...well we're just hanging out aren't we?"

Sirius nodded.

"Yeah. Why would there be something wrong with that?"

James smiled and sighed comfortably. Then he reached out for Sirius hand and intertwined their fingers. Sirius wondered whether James could hear his heartbeat speed up. But if he did, he didn't say anything.

When summer rolled around, Sirius had gotten so used to constantly touching James that the thought of spending two whole months without him seemed much more daunting than it usually had been anyways. On the last night before the ride home they were laying in James four-poster, tightly snuggled up against each other. James had tucked Sirius in his arms and was playing with his fingers.

"I will miss you," Sirius said quietly, feeling awfully heavy. James squeezed his hand.

"I will miss you too. It really sucks that your parents won't let us meet."

Sirius sighed and pressed his cheek against James' shoulder. He could feel tears burn in his eyes. He really didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay here with James. He also didn't want to cry, but with James it was so easy.

James immediately picked up on his sadness and hugged him tighter.

"It's okay. We'll just talk through the mirrors!"

Sirius sniffled and nodded. The mirrors. At least they would be able to see each other this time.

"I just hope my parents won't catch me with it. They'll definitely take it away."

"But couldn't you just make a new one? You made these yourself, didn't you?"

"Yes but I'm not sure how long it would take. It's a pretty finicky spell. And I would have to make a new pair. So I wouldn't be able to call you until I'd given you the other..." His voice trailed off at the thought. A tear trickled down his cheek. He needed James.

**

"We have to talk quietly," Sirius whispered into the mirror. "Otherwise Regulus might hear and then he certainly will tell mother."

"Okay," James responded with a hushed voice. Sirius smiled. These little talks with James every night, hidden underneath the covers in case someone came in, the only light coming from his wand, were the only thing that kept him afloat during the long days at Grimmauld Place 13. He hated this house. It was dark and narrow and always felt cold despite the many fireplaces. From everywhere the portraits were watching you. Sirius had long stopped feeling at home here. Sometimes he just wanted to run away.

"What did you do today," he asked James. James detailed reports about his fun summer activities always cheered him up. The more James talked, the more it felt like he had been with him. When James had finished he leaned his head onto his hands.

"And you? What did you do today?"

Sirius sighed heavily.

"Not much. Hid in the library most of the day. Regulus had his awful friends over."

"Crouch and Rosier? Can't you just hex them?"

Sirius shook his head.

"I mean...I could, but this is isn't Hogwarts. There is only one person who could have done it in this house and...I just want to get through this bloody summer." Sirius dropped his head onto his arms. He missed James painfully.

"Right. Get it. But it's just five more weeks," James tried to cheer him up unsuccessfully.

"That's so long! I wish I could just drink a potion and sleep through it."

"I don't think that would be healthy."

Sirius shrugged. He didn't care about that.

"I just wish you were here. Or I was with you."

"Yeah that would be nice. I miss...I miss you. Maybe we should have exchanged sweaters or something, so we'd have something of each other."

Sirius heart skipped a beat at James' words.

"We could do that next summer." He paused and rubbed his eyes. "Merlin, I'm so tired."

"Do you want to stop talking?"

Sirius hesitated for a moment.

"Can you...Can you maybe just stay a little. Until I have fallen asleep? Just tell me something. About Quidditch or whatever you want..."

"Yes. Sure I can do that. Sooo...brooms! Did you know they are making a new Cloudsweeper? It's supposed to be twice as fast as the Dragoncatcher 79 Pro..."

Sirius leaned the mirror against a book, still under the blanket and got cozy. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off, the comforting sound of James voice lulling him to sleep. He couldn't wait for September.

[makingmeagirlwithluv]

BTS MEMBERS AS ANGSTY LOVE SONG LYRICS AND WHY YOU WOULD BREAK UP

Author disclaimer: This is just for fun! I'm sure all the boys are lovely in their personal relationships. I just want to feel angsty!

Warnings: Angst, swearing, PG, but my blog is 18 plus so MINORS DNI.

Kim Namjoon:

"I'm bein' a cool girl, I'm keepin' it so tight"

"I need him like water, he thinks that I'm alright

I'm not feelin' human, I think he's a good guy"

Complex by Katie Gregson-MacLeod

Not sure if yall were ever dating officially :(

He's brilliant and wonderful but he can't make time for you in his head or his heart.

Thinks you're lovely and sweet and enjoys spending time with you but would not claim you.

You try harder to get his attention than you do caring for yourself. It's just not gone work I'm so sorry

Park Jimin:

"I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me

Honey hell is when I fight with you"

False God by Taylor Swift

Absolutely devastating arguments lead to the breakup.

Jimin isn't a yeller but he can be so cruel when he's heated. And he doesn't take back anything he says even if he knows it hurts your feelings.

Will not talk to you for days on end if you don't apologize first.

Ultimately the anxiety you felt every time you disagreed on something was not worth it in the end. You break up and speak when you run into each other but don't date again.

Kim Seokjin

"'Cause I know we said we'd just be friends

I can't lie and I can't pretend

Boy, I've tried and bottom line is

I still love you and I hate this"

I hate this- Tenille Arts

He broke up with you cause he liked you more as a friend and wanted to do his own thing.

You are not handling it well.

You keep making up reasons to talk to him seeking some form of closure an he's so gentle he keeps talking it through with you because he does care about you.

Sadly as much as you love him and think he's your forever he does not feel that way about you.

Jeong Jung Kook

"Cause you're so pretty

When you smile, it kills me,

You're the only person left, so hold me

Don't leave me"

Ur So Pretty- Wasia Project

Anxious attachment style on both ends oh my gosh!

You were both so nervous about fucking things up and losing each other yall wouldn't let each other breathe like.

Lots of jealousy on both ends.

Relationship kind of imploded on itself.

Maybe some therapy would have helped but then again maybe not.

You two have an on and off thing for like a year before agreeing you're better off as friends.

Min Yoongi:

"And it's true

I tend to follow in his stride

Instead of side by side

I take his cue"

A part of that- The last five years

You just kind of lost yourself in him?

It's easy to fall into the world of min yoongi but your sense of individuality slowly fell away.

You looked up one day and your world was only him and it wasn't his fault but you had to find you again.

The breakup was amicable and you're still friends to an extent. You don't date again for a few years after him as you spend that time rediscovering yourself.

Jung Hoseok

"But when you walked out that door

A piece of me died

I told you I wanted more

But that's not what I had in mind

I just want it like before

We were dancin' all night"

Blue Jeans- Lana del Rey

Hobis ambition is not something you or anyone can get in the way of.

He loves you but he loves success a little more.

Long nights at the studio missed anniversaries long stints of no communicatom became the norm. You tried desperately to act like being second place in his life didn't bother you

But it did. And one day you walked out of his life and never looked back. One week without communication became 3 became months became a year.

It sucks that it fizzled out but you learned to date only people who had time for you.

Kim Taehyung

"I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile

Sorry to say that you pushed this sweet guy away,friend.

So good to me, so right...But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't"

Back to December- Taylor swift

You had a lot of shit going on and you liked Tay but he always felt in the way even when he was just trying to love you.

You dumped him pretty abruptly, and he was pretty hurt and even asked you to reconsider a few times, but he eventually moved on.

After healing the parts of yourself that was not ready for a man like him you decide you'd love to try again.

He's already moved on though. Sometimes timing and life is funny like that.

You learn to be happy for him after being miserable for a while and eventually you love again.

And that's it! Let me know if you liked these and if you want more boys as song lyrics or head canons. Make sure to follow me for bts fan fic/ head cannons

[masked-alien-lesbian]

October Choices Insiders Tidbits

Fairies!?! I was so hoping that we'd play as a supernatural creature instead of a human so maybe.... 🤞🏽. But it's definitely going to be love triangle if that red 🔺️ is any clue.

Idk about the tractor emoji but guessing at some of the emojis, I'm wondering if mc's dad murder was about money/gambling or drugs that he was trying to crack the case aka the scales of justice? The thread and the baseball makes me think of how mc's dad was murdered at a baseball game so maybe mc will end up putting it all together by going back in their memory aka "the thread that leads to the answers" or whatever.

I mean Bitten and COP3 aren't the short holiday books the readers meant but ok.

I'm thinking Alpha 2 will come out to vip either in January or February, possibly March. Which I don't really care because I didn't much care for Channing and the first book but it'll be fun to play as a werewolf instead of a human.

Might as well said no, pb lol we ain't getting 100 ads back. If we're lucky they'll increase it by maybe 5 or 10.

Best Served Haute sounds a lot like a fashion designer book. Maybe a redo of Hot Couture? Or it could be a cooking book like Slow Burn. More than likely with a gender locked f!mc with a single LI. VIP will probably get BSH in December and Alpha 2 in January.

Very underwhelming for wide release. We already knew the release month for PO and Blades 3. And the exact release date for PO 🙄

Hmm...Knock Knock and The Shadow could be intriguing. Especially since they're immediately going to be wide released. A first in what 2 years?

Inheritance sounds like it's going to be about an mc trying to inherit their family's business. Wanna bet the LI is our lawyer?

Years Apart...am I reading it wrong or does it sound like the LI is genderlocked male? I'm not reading it if the mc and LI is genderlocked to a heterosexual relationship. It would be neat if the LI was goc because it sounds like mc might be a cougar lol

......oh, OH...Years Apart as in years apart in AGE, not time apart so yeah there's going to be an age gap, which makes sense if he's your ex's protégé/successor.