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magicalqueennightmare · 2 years ago

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Sins & Amends Chapter 30

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/ Warnings: No matter how you and Curtis try Frank won't let anymore slip about Kandahar. Matt is a safe haven for you [tip toeing into the punisher season 1 events]

You were surprised that after seeing Billy that night Matt didn't ask any questions. He knew how Billy had broken up with you so suddenly and what had happened after Maria and the kids were killed. Hell he had heard Alice's side which you would even admit painted Billy as nothing short of having devil horns peeking out. You couldn't hold it against her, she'd known you for years and was very protective.

You couldn't help but think had you been in his position you would've been curious. Especially considering you knew for a fact he'd heard how fast your heart was pounding when you saw Billy.

You let it go for about two weeks until you were laying awake one night in the bunk room and couldn't handle it anymore so you grabbed your phone off the charger and hit his number as you walked outside into the cool night air.

A few of the guys were up in the common area watching t.v. A few moments later he answered with a sleep ridden "Hello?" "Are we good Matt?" You heard him make a confused sound then heard his bedside clock read him the time "Y/N it's two in the morning. What do you mean are we good? Is something wrong?" You let out a sigh suddenly feeling very self conscious about the fact that you had apparently been over thinking again. "Wait this is about us seeing Billy isn't it?" He asked once it truly registered what you'd said.

"Yeah I mean...the rest of that night you were quiet and didn't exactly even attempt to initiate anything for a few days afterwards. Did I do something?" You could hear him moving around in the bed and could imagine him pushing himself up to a seated position, probably rubbing between his eyes while he did so.

"Y/N we've been honest with each other from the start. I know you still love him in a way and that you probably always will and that doesn't bother me. The reason I backed off is because I wanted to make it clear to you that if you decide that you want this to go back to a non intimate friendship that I'm not removing you from my life. You want to keep going the way we have? Ok. I just want it crystal clear that we're going to remain friends. Hell like Karen says this insane little group of ours is the closest thing to family most of us have left"

You felt a little lighter just hearing him say that. "You do know you're clear to change things if you want and I'll be ok with it too?" You asked and he replied "I know. Now you feel better?" "Yeah I do actually" you tried and failed to stifle a yawn and he laughed "Why don't we meet at the diner when you get off?" "Sounds good to me" you replied and heard Alice come out the door behind you as you and Matt said your goodbyes then hung up.

You turned around to see her leaned against the doorway "You were over thinking weren't ya?" You nodded so she held out her arm and you let her throw it across your shoulders "C'mon honey let's go try to get some sleep before we get called out again" about the time the words left her mouth another yawn escaped your lips as if to emphasise her point.

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By the time eight rolled around the next morning you and Alice had done your entire check list and were waiting on ready when Ash and Riley walked through the doors. "Freedom!" Alice cheered grabbing your arm and running out the door with a laugh once the baton was passed on rig duty.

"So what's the plan for the day?" She asked as you followed her out to the street where she was trying to hail a cab. "I am going to meet Matt for breakfast, go home and sleep for a couple hours in my own bed then I will probably see if Curt needs me to pick up anything for the meeting" a cab pulled to a stop in front of the two of you but before she climbed in Alice stared at you for a second then shook her head with a laugh "I love you chic. See you tomorrow"

You watched the cab pull away then turned to head to the diner.

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When you walked in the door Kaitlyn, the waitress who normally worked this shift smiled at you and nodded towards a table in the back. You followed her line of sight and thanked her when you saw Matt drinking a cup of coffee.

He smiled when you sat down across from him "How was your shift?" "It drug on and on" you replied with a light laugh.

Kaitlyn bought a cup of coffee over and sat it down in front of you "Your usual Y/N?" "Yes ma'am" She looked towards Matt "Same for you just eggs over easy instead of scrambled?" He smiled "Yes, thank you"

Once she walked off you bumped Matt's hand and teased "Do we come here that often?" He shrugged and said "If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure she knows Karen and Curtis' order that well too"

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You were feeling better by the time you and Matt walked out the diner. He had his arm through yours like he normally walked and the two of you were laughing over Foggy making the opposing attorney forget their line of questioning. "He doubts himself at times but he is really an amazing lawyer. I'd want him on my side that's for sure" you said then quickly added "you too of course"

Matt grinned at your slip up "oh of course" the two of you started walking towards your apartment and he asked what your plans were for the day. "I'm going to see just how hot of a shower I can take then sleep for a few hours. After that I'm thinking I'll just get out later for some fresh air. Curt has a group meeting tonight. I may swing by after it to see if he needs clean-up help"

You were also hoping Frank may show up this week. It'd been too long since you saw him last and you were starting to worry, Karen was too. "Well if you want to get together later I'm free" he offered about the time the two of you made it to your building. "I may just take you up on that offer Murdock" you replied then left a light kiss on his cheek "I'll call you after I leave Curt"

He smiled and said "I'll keep my phone close by" then turned to walk away. You headed inside and spoke to Ms Johnson who was gathering her mail. "Y/N you just getting in?" You nodded "Yes ma'am. I got some breakfast after shift now I'm going to go get a little more sleep. It was a hectic night" "Remember to take care of yourself sweetie" you smiled "Yes ma'am" and walked onto the elevator.

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You fell asleep a little after ten and woke up around one thirty to your phone ringing. For a moment you considered just not answering it but then on second thought you grabbed it "Hello?" You didn't bother trying to cover the sleep in your voice, everyone that would be calling you with maybe the exception of Frank pretty much knew your schedule.

"Shit Y/N you're coming off a back to back shift aren't you?" When you heard Curtis' voice you pushed yourself up in the bed to a seated position "Yeah but it's fine Curt. What's up?" "I'm going to be running a little behind today. I'll be there to actually run the meeting but can you set up everything?" You nodded still half asleep then remembered he couldn't see you over the phone "Yeah no problem. Bakery run this week or no?" "Just coffee should be fine. I appreciate it" he replied and you smiled to yourself before saying "any time Curt"

After he hung up you considered going back to sleep but thought better of it. You kicked your blanket off and decided on getting out and getting some fresh air before you headed across town to set up for the meeting.

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You had been wandering around for the better part of a couple hours. That was the beauty of living in New York. There was always some place you could go.

You had considered dropping by the bulletin but given the time of day they'd be running around doing last minute stuff for the following day's edition and you didn't want to be in the way.

You did drop Karen a text asking if she wanted to grab lunch the following day and she'd quickly replied with a yes and a smiley face.

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You walked into the meeting hall humming under your breath. A part of you was tempted to play music on your phone while you set up but you didn't want to chance Curtis walking in and getting a laugh at your expense.

By the time you had the chairs in a nice wide circle and a fresh pot of coffee going you heard the outer doors open a few moments before Curtis walked in with a smile "You're a life saver Y/N!" You greeted him with a smile and said "I told you way back when I'd help in any way"

The two of you still had a few minutes to kill before anyone would show up so you grabbed a cup and leaned against the wall not far from where Curtis was sitting. "How's the planning going for Alice and Kenz?" You stifled a laugh considering they'd called you the week before because Alice's grandmother bless her heart was trying to figure out a way for them both to have a piece of her wedding dress to wear when the day did roll around.

"It's going. They're planning on a longer engagement like next year-ish. I'm happy for them. They love each other a lot" he nodded then cut his eyes up at you "How are things with you?" "I'm good. Work's been insane but then again when is it not" he seemed like he wanted to say more but about that time more voices started drifting in out the hall and although you recognized some as regulars you talked to there were a few unfamiliar voices not to mention O'Connor who annoyed the shit out of you.

You pointed to the opposite door "I'll be in the hall" he chuckled lightly as you quickly retreated.

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You were listening to Curtis tell a story you'd heard before, about a soldier in a hole. You actually liked hearing the way he told it and was trying to listen until the door at the end of the hall opened and Frank walked in.

Anyone else on the street passed him daily and didn't recognize him but even if you didn't know to look for the beard and longer hair, there was no hiding the way he walked and carried himself. You'd known him for far too long. When he met your eyes he didn't say a word, just came to stand next to you holding a book under his arm.

The two of you stood silent while O'Connor went on yet another of his bullshit rambles. What made you turn to glance at Frank was when Lewis said "All I know is we risked our lives, did terrible things and it meant nothing when we got home" you still had no clue what actually went down in Kandahar. Frank didn't want to talk and you didn't want to push it but fuck he had to know that it would take something major to make you ever think about turning your back on him.

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Once the vets cleared out you walked into the room with Frank close behind him. Curtis hadn't looked up until you said "Look who I found"

The two of them greeted each other while you started putting chairs away. What drew you back into the conversation was when Curtis said "Nobody wants to be themselves anymore. Internet, social media, god damn talent shows for assholes. Everybody wants to be somebody else. Nobody is happy to look in the mirror and just see themselves"

"Because then it means they don't have to be responsible either" you spoke and turned to see they were both looking at you so you shrugged and continued what you were doing. "What about you Frank? What's it gonna take to make you happy?" Curtis asked and you had to bite your lip not to laugh at least sarcastically when Frank's response was "Happy's a kick in the balls waiting to happen"

"He isn't wrong" you agreed and could see Curtis sigh simply from the fact that he'd signed on years ago to have you both in his life and it was far too late to turn back now. "I'll get to you later" he told you pointing his finger then looked back at Frank "So your solution is to kick yourself in the balls first? That's crazy lieutenant. Look you got half a life to live my friend. If you don't, you might as well be dead"

He cut his eyes at you as he spoke but you knew what Frank was going to say even before he scoffed "Oh I am dead Curtis. You didn't hear?" You knew better than to try to get between the two of them so you hung up the chair in your hands then found a place between them to watch.

Curtis shook his head "Bullshit. You've got a name, a passport as I recall. Frank Castle's dead. Pete Castiglione, he's got a life. Anybody that had anything to do with what happened to Maria and the kids are dead. Mission accomplished. I don't have a problem with that, hell I would've helped you if you would've asked me" you knew to your heart Curtis meant that and hoped maybe he could talk Frank out of his own head.

"I know you would've" Frank spoke so low if his voice wasn't so deep you wouldn't have been able to hear him. You hated seeing just how much hell he was still putting himself through. "But now the only person you're punishing is yourself" Curtis added and you agreed whole heartedly.

Frank looked down at his cup then threw it away. "Thanks for the coffee" he took the few steps to where you were and pulled you into a quick hug "Good seeing you Y/N" "You too Frank"

You watched him start to leave but he stopped at the door. "Hey Curt?" Curtis glanced up in response so he asked "How often you think about it? You know, the shit we did over there?"

Frank's eyes ticked towards you, so you busied yourself cleaning out the coffee maker. "All the time, but my conscience is clear" Curtis sounded genuine but you felt your heart twist at how Frank sounded when he said " Afghanistan was different, you know?"

"Different how?" Curtis asked and you started to wonder if maybe Frank would talk to him more if you walked out but Frank answered him "Just different. The things we did. They kinda got blurred" that honestly made you curious because during that timeline you were still with Billy. What had they been into? Curtis asked just that question "What were you into Frank?"

Frank didn't say anything so you turned back to face them both. Curtis shook his head "You see, what worries me the most is that you've been in a hole long enough that it's become home" Frank didn't meet his or your eyes when he said "Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be" there was a little pause of silence before Curtis finally said "Do me a favor Frank. Don't be a wallowing asshole. Before I have to take this fake leg off and beat you to death with it"

All three of you cracked up at that. Curtis smiled at the tension having been broken "Just imagine that headstone. Here lies Frank Castle. He lost an ass kicking contest to a one legged man… I'd do it" Frank glanced at you with a half smile "I'd actually like to see that" you laughed "Me too"

Frank put his hat back on then pulled his hood up "Take care of yourself Curt. You too sweetheart" "Don't stay away so long next time" you told him and he nodded before walking out.

After the outer door shut Curtis glanced back towards you "Now should we get started on your issues too tonight? Or put a pin in them for another time?" You grinned and held up your phone "I'm supposed to meet Matt when I leave here so can we stick a pin?" He laughed and said "As long as you don't try be a wallowing asshole either"

"Nope. I'm good being a normal asshole" you teased with a wink.

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Curtis offered to drop you off with Matt instead of you walking or having to grab a cab. It wasn't worth arguing him that Matt's place was the opposite direction of his so you just took the ride.

When he pulled up in front of Matt's building he parked and you were about to climb out when he said "Think we'll ever get him out that hole?" You let out a hard breath thinking over the last few months "I hope so Curt" he reached across to hug you then once you were out the car he rolled the window down "I'm not pulling away until you're inside" you laughed and mock saluted "Yes sir" and walked into the door, stopping to wave at him before letting it shut behind you.

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No matter how many times you slept at Matt's his alarm clock always managed to startle you. It was louder than yours and spoke the time instead of buzzing or playing music. "Ugh make it go away" you grumbled burying your face in his back. He laughed and reached over hitting the right button to make it be quiet.

"What time do you go in?" He asked leaning back into your touch when you started to trace across some of the more prominent scars on his back. "Later today. Technically me and Alice are off but there's some meetings we have to attend"

"Aren't you meeting Karen for lunch?" He asked turning in the bed so his chest was now under your fingers instead of his back. You laid your head over on his chest and nodded "Yeah. You've got court don't you?" He closed his eyes before saying "Yeah" "Meaning we need to get up?" You asked closing your eyes too. "Five more minutes?" He suggested so you agreed "Five more minutes"

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

#au billy russo #billy russo x you #billy russo x y/n #billy russo au #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x reader #sins and amends masterlist

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scenetocause · 1 year ago

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

i got tagged by @verycoolwearsleather and now i have to pretend i have a writing process haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

it says 52 but there's actually a lot more due to orphaning/anon-ing things.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345,519 but again i'm not sure how much tha's counting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

gross f1 twinks

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

just telling it like it is (lando/maxv)

pretty sure this is just cus it's the oldest fic i have since the account reboot because it absolutely does not merit being anywhere near the top 10 lol it's just a 5+1 about other mando being obvious (it's anon'd cus i got bored of a load of my fics and didn't want them as part of the emptyhalf canon anymore)

every colour illuminates (george/lando)

for something i started writing offhand cus some of my friends were saying there should be more trans men in f1 fic, this one sure grew legs. i'm still insanely moved by the comments it gets and the way it seemed to resonate with people. i'm not sure i can really convey how dumb i actually am in a way that'd make people believe me but i really did just write this on vibes and it's one of the things i can say i'm genuinely glad i did. idk, it's just queer porn really but maybe we need more of that.

(i) just wanna get a little bit closer (mando)

you know i don't even think this is close to my best mando fic (personal choice is no plans of staying on) so there's no accounting for taste and you absolutely should practice death of the author or whatever. anyway, it's mando cohabitation era boundary breakdown stuff where they fuck and then go on a date about it.

shoreline i see when i'm off course (loscar, mando)

people rly are thirsty for a/b/o huh. how'd this little fic get into the top five so quickly?

the usual, upside down (alex/george/lando)

literally THEE most head empty omegaverse threesome fic in history y'all are horny as fuck. it literally only got written bc george did some dumb insta post where he called lando and alex his mates and also then was walking around looking horny af in the black fireproofs and mask when he stood in for lewis. there is NO nutritional content here even by the fast food standards of emptyhalf fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i uh. i should. i would like to but my brain is quite severely broken. i do read them all and i bookmark a lot in open tabs to come back to and reply to because they mean a lot but then i have 6000 tabs open and no executive function.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

we don't do that here. i guess maybe if you dig into the far distant past then it was probably i'm not just a fuck up, i'm the fuck up you love which is 18k words of jev not really getting over daniel that ends on a sort of optimistically blasted-open note.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them are happy but probably actually pick me up, no headlights where george and max end up with their weird little family worked out and the kids are doing well, y'know

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no i don't think enough people read them to beef me lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahaha oh yea. i like to think i write something along the lines of realistic queer sex, with the way that means it's mostly kind of funny and sometimes awakward and isn't elegant or arch or even particularly romantic except that you're getting to do it with the person you do it with. writing lando and oscar being straight with each other, even if it's in a cringe fail way, made me realise i really do not write straight people and i feel a bit like one of those painfully hetero actors who does a gay kissing scene and talks about how they had to get themselves in the mindset by watching the l word or whatever haha. what do straight people do? who are they?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i was gonna say no but then i remembered i wrote logan and oscar going ghosthunting and being kinda pass-agg horny about it because. idk? logan gave me ryan bergara vibes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i think someone reposted some of mine awhile ago and it got dealt with before i really knew anything about it idk

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't know tbh. someone made a podfic of one of my fics a way back.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah i used to do that quite a lot but now. i am a lone wolf. (too perverse for other people's minds)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

jenson/lewis but society has never been ready for this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i don't. i don't wanna let doubt enter into it but my daniel goes to fe fic is up against a number of the dark souls boss level demons in my own brain 😔

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i uh. i can write on my phone? i have a relaxed attitude to whether what i write is any good at all? i don't actually think i really have any.

people quite often say i have a lot of emotional intelligence in my fics which is very funny to me because i am a deeply unemotionally intelligent person so idk how that's happened really.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

look we could be here all day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i guess it has never bothered me so long as the reader could be reasonably expected to work out the meaning from the context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

cardcaptor sakura (i was 14)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmm. in terms of thinking it's like, good or whatever it's probably don't say no or you'll have to go, the fucked up valtteri/george mutual seat envy/horror of being compared to lewis hamilton thing. or really, it's an old spy au fic called ten seconds before sunrise that i deleted ages ago so: sorry about that.

but favourite is probably some dumb mando shit or i have extreme recency bias so maybe logan and oscar go ghosthunting or whatever. oh wait, no, it's genders maxy the how-to-find-your-identity-post-racing-in-your-pussy treatise that was born of crack but ended up. no, it's still crack. anyway, classic emptyhalf shit tbh.

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i-write-hurt-not-comfort · 2 years ago

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i'm sorry to whoever asked this, i accidentally deleted the ask itself but i DID screenshot it!

i stared at a wall for about five minutes trying to figure this out. but thank you very much! i'm glad people are finding my fics now and i love talking about my fics because it's a HUGE part of my life.

there's a lot of fics which i really loved writing and would definitely rank in my top-

dirty laundry - i wrote this during my A levels, it was a wild ride. it's vanitas no carte / pandora hearts and i've had a few people tell me it's their favourite.

this is primetime, reload and-- - laito addict fic, i was obsessed with this idea for a long time and personally i thought i did well putting it into a fic.

and the wisdom to know the difference - the subakou NA meeting AU. it's a oneshot but i really really loved capturing these two.

giving it all, rising to fall to my grave - it might be fresh in my mind and a biased choice but exploring alcoholic reiji in particular was really fun.

of course i have to put blue is the new pink in this list too. my beloved three-way crossover prison fic. i wrote this mostly in 2022, i was on an INSANE 4 day update schedule. looking back i really don't know how i did that. but it was a blast.

some honourable mentions are my subakou and reijiruki smut fics. and the azusa piss fic i wrote recently. in 2020/21 i wrote a TON of vnc astolfoé fics and at the time this was my otp and my favourite thing at the time, but i guess this ask is aimed at my DL stuff.

but my FAVOURITE fic? otherside and its sequel.

when i started writing otherside in 2017, it was around the time i got harassed out of the fandom for writing DL mlm ships. because otherside had shuuma, subakou and reijiruki, i had to delete it after 3 chapters in fear of getting hate (i did get hate on it anyway, people actually went out of their way to leave hate comments on my non-DL fics)

i had planned it for 15 chapters and was REALLY bummed when i couldn't keep uploading it. but i kept writing it and posting on a private account for a couple of readers. and damn, i fucking loved otherside. i loved the AU even if there were plot holes and inaccurate stuff. unfortunately at the time i stopped writing it after i got 2k words into chapter 11. this was back in 2018 and then i lost interest in DL and moved to the pandora hearts fandom.

it was always in the back of my mind that i didn't finish it. and when i got back into DL in November 2021 it was the first thing i thought of. i had a lot of reservations about posting it again but i REALLY wanted to finish it, even if it took me years.

so, i edited and re-uploaded the first 10 chapters, wrote a sequel (yeah, before i finished it. trust me it makes sense.) and in November 2022 i uploaded chapter 11, the first chapter in 4 and a half years! i'd been chipping away at it for months. and guess what, i'm 2.5k words into chapter 12!

it might take me a long ass time to finish it. and it's not my BEST fic by a long way, but it was my first DL drug addict fic and i am DETERMINED to get it finished because it's truly my favourite.

#ask #anon #did i mention i love otherside #im sorry i feel like my responses to these asks are way longer than u wanted

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mbunap · 5 months ago

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Playing Food Fantasy as an F2P pt 1 : Food Souls

a guide + my thoughts

M — best for restaurant and fishing!

R — best for other non-battle tasks like delivery

SR — strong enough to be in battle

UR — harder to ascend, better for battle (usually)

SP — sometimes better for battle than UR but insanely difficult to get and ascend as a f2p player, do not recommend even thinking about them! (unless you just want to collect them, even then they are expensive)

First off, I don't recommend rerolls. Even if you think your starter characters suck, what you really want to focus on are Black Tea, Milk, and Tom Yum. The nice thing is that not only are these characters extremely useful, they're super easy to ascend!

I rolled for Milt and Caviar (both are URs) very early and put a lot of resources into them... but they were eventually too weak so I had to go back to Milk and Tom Yum anyways. It would've been easier for me to just focus on Milk and TY from the start (⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠-̩̩̩⁠) I'm currently in Palata and still use them alongside Black Tea!

since BT and Milk have a powerful linked skill, don't waste resources on their energy skills.

for battle Food Souls, you want to focus on ones that can be ascended to at least 3 stars : 0 star Food Souls cannot be levelled up beyond lvl60 and you need 2-3 stars to unlock artifacts! artifacts are for another guide since they're not important for beginners. Below I'll have a list of notable Souls to look out for

for M Food Souls, stick to buying their shards from the Tip Shop : They're very rare to summon and I don't recommend fusing shards unless it's a character that is impossible to summon, like Takoyaki and Strawberry Daifuku

for R Food Souls, just collect them as they come along : most of your summons are going to be R Food Souls so they're not hard to ascend. I've been playing on my current account for 2 months and I've already gotten all the permanent R Food Souls to at least two stars

for event only Food Souls, do what your gut tells you : the first event character I five starred and collected all the skins for was a useless R that I just found pretty. The resources needed were like 300ish crystals so I didn't mind. The thing about event characters is that we never know if we'll have a chance at them again once their event is gone, so don't waste your resources unless you have enough to actually get them (or 3star them if you're planning to use them for battle)

and remember : not all of your food souls need to be five starred. if you stress over being a completionist like that, you probably won't enjoy this game. Most of their five star skins suck anyways and you don't get any bonuses beyond making them more useful in battle

note : do not fuse shards to ascend unless they are impossible to summon. this includes event souls! you'll usually see an event soul at some point in a summoning pool, it just might take a couple of months if that was their debut event!

want a list of Food Souls to look out for?

click here for permanent souls

event souls are in my pinned post

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danebreaker · 9 months ago

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WHY I LIKE HOMOSEXUAL GUYS AS A GIRL

I had this thing where I'm very picky when it comes to guys. But no matter how picky I am.

I always ended up choosing the gays

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

The first time I saw this guy was on a school post about school elections. My friends shared the post to me as a way to tease me cuz my ex was on it. But that dude is irrelevant so skipping from that i scrolled over to find this guy crossing his arms looking stiffer than a gargoyle.

He was tall and lanky but he was dripping with looks. And as always, girls, gays and any person around gushed about him. I didn't really care about the guy cuz he's just another random dude running for the position of Vice Governor.

Timeskip with me trying to work things with my ex and I ended up literally running away from him somewhere along lines. I met him weeks before intramurals. I was busy preparing because I got in the debate team and Miss Intramurals.

I ended up having to talk to him for school purposes. And when I was met with him. I crumbled like my test papers after getting an F for a score. Sure the guy didn't looked ripped like John Cena, or as manly as Andrew Tate wishes to be but oh he is attractive.

He talked with a soft but firm voice and his eyes was bright-not big, but bright and doe like. Judging from his demeanor and body language, I quickly figured out the guy was a friendly introvert. He won me over with his little shy smile and his voice.

I didn't exactly went crazy over him but I acted crazy when I'm with my friends cuz school was getting boring as heck without a crush and I needed something to cheer me into going in. We would pass by each other quite often in the hallways because of our busy schedule that involves us running around places.

And during those run-ins, we would hold eye contacts for God knows how many times and would always catch eyes even though the latter is on the other side of the room. I would be the first one to break the eye contact since ya gurl is gets nervous. At least that's what I think transpired. Honestly, I am delusional as heck so just indulge me.

Since I'm self-aware, I had to do a reality check and see if I was tripping about our glances or not. So one time at the canteen, I has a plan to purposely try to hold up the eye contact for longer and wait if he pulls away to see if he was actually looking at me too.

And after failing successfully, we hold eye contact for longer than usual. But I failed at not being the first one to pull away. I gushed and jump internally because I finally confirmed that HE IS in fact also looking at ME.

To back up my claim and make me look less insane, My friend was with me and he also noticed. He initially thought my crush was looking at him but then he figured out my crush was looking at ME. Of course, being a good friend, he fueled my delusions and I had him repeating the interaction over and over again until it seeped into my brain that he was in fact staring back at me.

I rode along with those supposed interactions and the Intramurals went by with me winning 1st runner up for the debate team and crowned as Miss Intramurals. Along those snippets of memories, we had an actual interaction backstage. I was obviously one of the contestant for the pageant and he was getting ready for the event since he is the Vice Governor.

"Do you have lip balm?" He innocently asked me with his cute self adorned in a black and white gradient barong (a traditional Filipino clothing). "Pay first" I joked referring to me being an Accountancy Business and Management student. He just smiled and we both went on. Looking back at it now, I wanted to kill myself. Pay first???!?!?!?!? what the actual fuck

I cringed so hard after i said that and i still do in the present. That was the lamest I had ever been since I was assigned as a loser weirdo in society. Really!!?!?!?!? Out of all the things i could've said i said something to lame and so ugh!!

Anyways that interaction made me weak in the knees and I ended up winning the pageant after seeing him supporting me even though he is a STEM student and I am an ABM student. Ya gurl bagged the crown home and weeks went by with me killing myself mid exams with vape stressing out over my grades.

The thing that bothered me the most was when I tarnished myself in front of him. I had done stupid things and I'm basically the walking proof of embarrassment but Oh My God this time i actually embarrassed myself. Shouting his name at school grounds at 6PM thinking everybody went home. My friends were riling me up about my crush with him and of course I went along.

But what we didn't know was that my crush was downstairs and could hear everything. My friends shouted his surname at the top of their lungs and i had to make a quick excuse of "Oh you're not the one they meant, they meant a different guy" (his surname was common so i was able to say that) BUT HE DEFINITELY FOUND ME WEIRD AND I WAS ENGRAVED AS THE "WEIRD ASS PYSCHO BITCH WHO SCREAMS PEOPLE'S NAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ON A RANDOM TUESDAY GIRL" IN HIS HEAD.

Weeks went on boringly until my friend came up to me and asked if I wanted to run for the elections. Of course I said yes cuz I'd be good for my school resume and I'd actually like to challenge myself with new goals and responsibility for character development.

And lo and behold, the party belongs to non other than him-my crush. He was running for Governor for the new school year and he was leading and forming his partylist. I ran for the ABM Mayor position and disappointingly, my ex and his new girl (beautiful btw, she looks like young Suzuka Ohgo). However, this made things awkward in general. I wasn't awkward with his Gf since she's also an ABM student and was part of the people i'll lead someday if i ever win so it was fine. But my ex? yeah we ended in bad terms for a reason.

Anyways, we were scheduled for a photoshoot and the photographer (my friend) chose me as the test subject to get the lighting good. He sneaked in good pics of me and my crush was along side me directing. like a true loser, I made jokes and this time though I successfully made him clench his stomach out of laughter.

His eyes crinkled and he listened attentively to me when i voiced out my ideas. He was still shy though but he was able to laugh a little louder which was music to my ears. Another schedule for the election went on and this time we had to film something promotional.

They were out at the center doing god knows what for the shoot while I stay behind chatting and meeting new people thinking everything was done and ready for the Mayors. Until I looked back to see them all sitting and discussing.

This made me think what the fuck was taking so long and what the fuck were they doing wasting everyone's time. They were like that for the past hour instead of filming so I decided to check. And when I went to stand up and take my torch which was required for the shooting, they also stood up and started readying for the shooting.

I went to all the guys( i was the only girl) and he was the first one to shoot since he's running for Governor. Their ideas were ok. Scratch that their ideas for boring and a little awkward. So i voiced out my opinions and changed some parts. Thankfully they all listened and actually considered my opinions and the shoot went well.

Once again, this guy was listening to me attentively and carefully. Looking at me straight at the face having no business with staring at me while I was having a hard time being professional cuz he was in front of me giving his full attention along with his sparkling doe eyes and cute tiny nods.

The shoot went by with me befriending everyone and scaring them all off with ghost stories about our schools. We all goofed around and I was able to be myself and being loud and cracking jokes since I already embarrassed myself in front of him, what difference would it make now?

When we went home at 8PM we tried venturing out into the supposedly haunted nursing floor before fleeing like pathetic idiots. Our second shooting went on and this time, we filmed outside and once again I was making jokes and stuff. We almost lit the city on fire cuz the idiots were lighting up a peace of cloth after losing our torch as a substitute.

This time, he was comfortable with cracking jokes with me and started conversations. He was comfortable standing close to me and I started to realize he saw me as someone he can be friends with. Even though our arms touched when he was holding the torch, all I could think about was how I should move on.

Amidst all that clarity, I vented out on a couple friends and they finally told me something i was too stupid to notice.

HE IS GAY

Yeah he is gay. Why i didn't noticed? Maybe cuz he's too masculine for me to see him as gay. Until I checked his IG account and found pictures of him all gay from head to toe.

How was I supposed to know?! Sure he dresses good and only hangs around gays and girls and was "mahinhin" or poised and soft but how was I supposed to know!? Sure he acts sassy and feminine but lots of guys are feminine nowadays?!

Ok who am I kidding, the dude's gay asfuck. He shares post about gay pride and BLs. He talks soft and feminine with a squeak in his voice and he walks while slightly bouncing and he stands with his hips bent like girls and does makeup with girls and hangs only around them or with gays. The guy's more feminine than me and i wasn't able to get the hint.

I then and there realized that I am not just weird and a loser, I am also a stupid idiot equipped with a broken gaydar.

Him being gay didn't surprised me tho, I always had this thing with liking gays for some time now. Always liking how "calmer" they are with guys at school. Always liking how they dress better and smell good. And how open, relatable and friendly he is with girls than straight guys. And how soft and cute he looked.

Basically, I've always liked the cute twinks but is too much of an idiot to notice the clear signs of homosexuality.

Bottom line, I always like gay guys. And I realized it's because I relate to them more. I've always had trouble making friends with guys and interacting with them after my ex basically traumatized. Finding myself only around girls and gays and being comfy with only a selected number of guys.

I've always liked gay guys because I loved how they made me feel understood, heard and just me. They encouraged me and supported me and had the same interest with me like makeup, dresses and some shows and films etc. I was able to relate to them more and made it easier for me to form bonds with them which is probably I always ended up liking gay guys.

So here I am- letting my emotions out for old time's sake so I can move on in peace.

Bye guyss

#pride #gay pride #rant #random #lgbt

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immortalbutterflycos · 1 year ago

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My relationship with writing is getting too complicated.

I don't really understand why writing is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing for me to do.

I've always been writing. I think that maybe it could have started in elementary school, but if I'm honest I don't have many memories of back then. If I didn't really write in those years, it was probably because I was always reading instead. That much I do remember.

In middle school, it had been an outlet of sorts.

Bullied, depressed, just your average awkward kid I guess. I don't really know what actually inspired me to- wait. okay no. I do remember what inspired me to start writing. There really was a genuine notable moment in my life and that just seems like an insane thing to have forgotten until now.

The entire school was reading this same book at the same time. It was this huge event for a while. There were posters around the school and everything. (The book was 'Schooled' by Gordon Korman)

After we had all completed the book, there was an assembly for the whole school in the Gym that was led by the author himself. This was the very first published author I had ever seen in person and I was enraptured. Because for the first time, the author of a book I actually enjoyed wasn't just a couple of words on the cover, they were a real-life thing. A profession.

The moment Gordon Korman said that he had written his first book when he was in 8th grade, it was like a switch was flipped in my brain. I wanted to be just like him. If he can do it, then why couldn't I?

I truly did start really writing that day.

It was a story about a girl falling in love with a demon after her best friend got kidnapped (or something like that. There was a demon and a best friend named 'Jay'.) and it was written down in a composition book in pink pen. I think I actually still have that now that I think about it... Maybe I should re-read it...

From that day on, I was always writing. No, I never got anything published, but the passion was still there.

I've started to write/plan out a few different stories since then but they've never been completed and to some extent, they've been abandoned completely. (which is actually a big part of the actual point of this post)

Sophomore year of high school, I started writing so much that I actually managed to piss off some of my teachers because of it. Well that and I would just pull out the book I wanted to read instead of the one I was supposed to for class.

Listen, if they were going to force me to reread "The Pearl" by John Steinbeck for the 5th school year in a row, then I wasn't going to comply. I liked the book at first and then they killed it. They beat that dead horse until we were all like, "Hey maybe leave the horse alone??? Just let the poor thing die???"

Other kids got to read Shakespeare and learn about Greek Mythology but I hadn't read a single thing about Greek Mythology until my Senior year. BRIEFLY. I was so mad.

Oh, and Catcher in the Rye. Fuck that book. I read it my Junior year for school and hated it so much that I, the least confrontational person on the planet, got into arguments with my teacher about it. She was also a shit teacher on top of that so idk I think I just had a growing grudge that whole time.

Fucking hell. I don't even know if anyone has even read this far but fuck it. If I wasn't convinced that I had undiagnosed ADHD before writing this post, then I sure as hell am now.

Actually, that's a good segway. I'm going to cling to that.

WRITING IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE EASIEST AND HARDEST THING TO DO AND I THINK THAT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.

Sorry, didn't mean to yell. (lmao)

Anyway, back in sophomore year, I started writing fanfiction. That was genuinely the first time I started writing something that I planned to actually be read by another human being other than myself. All of the work I did in high school is on my old Wattpad account. I wish I could delete some of them but honestly, I lost the account info along with the e-mail address I used to create the account so it just gets to live on the internet forever.

But yeah. That was a thing.

I was still doing regular writing on top of that, but I have been hyperfixating on things my whole life, and fandoms and writing go hand in hand.

The whole point of this, WHICH HAS TAKEN TOO DAMN LONG TO GET TO, is that I can write. I can write for hours and hours without wanting to ever stop. I have plans and journals and slips of paper and post-it notes all just filled with writing. Hundreds of Docs.

And not a single completed project.

That is my issue.

I can plan out a cohesive story but actually getting to the writing part is so fucking hard.

This is weird as hell because I've posted full chapters before. On Wattpad in the past and Ao3 since I got into Critical Role. Never finished a story but that's another issue.

Right now, I struggle to even write a full chapter that I'm happy with.

I don't know what it is honestly. but its frustrating to be capable of writing and then to not be able to write.

That's it. That's the post.

If any of you read this far, you get a cookie because goddamn...

#writing with adhd #writing is hard #writers #ao3 author #maybe it was so easy back in school because I had to sit in a desk for hours and hours a day and needed an escape from the mundanity of it #i just want to do that again #I miss it

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jaxhol · 1 year ago

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I miss being this healthy with myslef.

If it weren't for all of these old posts and recordings and all of that other stuff I put out there when I was going through it, I wouldn't really remember how happy and mentally content I was and am able to be.

I hate to say I forgot how to do it, because I don't think i did. I think I got lost in the busyness of the world, and figured once I was well off mentally, I would stay that way forever. But slowly over time the goodness of it all dwindled, and I blamed it on life getting hard. When really it was the lack of routine of keeping up with and taking care of myself. But you can't force yourself to do anything, you have to really want it. You have to want whatever it is so bad, that you force yourself to get it. If there's no reason, there's no force.

The first day of Junior year is tomorrow, and I'm 17 now. I think that the first time I've explicitly said my age on here, and I think the last time I posted I wasn't even 16 yet. But a few little facts that would be good to keep here and get out there, are Ash and I are still together, and we're doing amazing. It's kinda crazy to think this whole account started because I needed a place to get my thoughts out about the ending of Bella and I's relationship. I really didn't have a clear view of myself actually getting out of all of that, and I'm very happy to look back and see I did make it through to the other side, and I'm very thankful for that entire situation. It was horrible, but the horribleness of it made me a lot stronger of a person, and I'm very happy with all that I learned from it, and what all that learning has lead up to. The summer was pretty solid, I worked for most of it, but I got to go to Turks with my entire dad's side of the family. It was amazing. I really got closer with all my cousins, I drank and partied, and had an amazing amazing time. Something I will never forget, and will forever be thankful for getting to experience. I've made quite a bit of stuff, some stuff I'm insanely proud of, and I'm really excited about what is going to get made this next year, especially with me starting a graphic design class.

Something I realized this morning, is that Ash and I didn't really facetime this summer, maybe 3-5 times. But I'm now realizing that we really didn't need to. We were able to see each other a lot more in person because I got my license last year, and was able to pick her up and hang out in person a lot more than we were able to last year. We didn't have another sleepover, but her mom didn't go out of town, and Ash was worried about her parents finding out. I understand both of those reasons very well, but I'm still a little bummed. But next year we will be 18, and technically adults, so I don't know if her mom can really say anything about it then. I don't want to get my hopes up, in case she still isn't allowed to, but I can always hope. I do miss facetimeing so much, because it made it a lot easier to communicate about the uncomfortable things. We would run out of comfortable topics, and have nothing else but uncomfortable stuff and phone sex lmao. But we have had less arguments and issues this last 6-8 months that the previous 6-8 months. So maybe we learned how to talk about issues comfortably and I just don't think about it anymore, and maybe we matured a little bit, so there's less issues in general, or maybe we just learned how each other are really, and are able to assume the right path. Maybe it's a mix of all those things. As long as we're happy and comfortable, it doesn't really matter.

I miss venting on here. It made me get everything irrational out, so when it was time to face the issue, I was able to be rational about it.

One thing I've realized, and that feels really good to say instead of suppressing it, is that if I stay with Ash for the rest of my life, which is mainly the plan, I am going to miss out on some events and opportunities that I won't get to experience staying with her. And I think that's okay, it is a pure fact that I would miss out on somethings. But 5-8 years of stupid fun, is nothing compared to getting to spend the remaining (Hopefully) 50 years of life I have with the most amazing person out there. I think totally, 101%, that that's worth it. It will suck not getting those experiences, but not having her will suck an infinite amount of times worse. I don't want this to be dumb, stupid fun love. I know at the beginning of our relationship I was terrified of breaking up, I tried my best not to show it, but I was. I don't have that irrational fear anymore. I mean I would hate for it to happen, that is one of the worst life events I can imagine. But I understand that she's not just going to leave for no reason, and if she does, it's her loss and if that's how she really is, it's better that I would be without her. I would be dodging a bullet. If she leaves me with no reason, I'm better off without her. But I don't think she is like that. I don't live in fear of a breakup, and if I have those insecurities, I am able to talk to her about it. I enjoy the time I have with her, and I hope to get to enjoy those times forever.

I have been terrible about spending money recently. I have spent close to, if not more than, a rack in the last 30 days. School starts tomorrow, so there will be less time to shop and eat out, but I'm not going to regret the money I spent. I enjoyed all of those times, and all of the things I got with it. I am very happy with it all, but I need to slow back down to the allowance I am given every week.

Thank you for being here, and thank you for listening. I am very happy to get this all off my chest. I hope I am able to stay consistent with it to remain in good mental health.

Thank you again,

I love you,

Jaxon Holuby

#pursuit of happiness

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spotaus · 2 months ago

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Okay, I'm back! And on the desktop this time so I can gander at everything and not forget, aha!

Yes! Error had no idea what was happening. I think it's a moment in my brain where I forgor what I've posted before, but I know the inital plan I had in mind was that Error was leaving home to go search for Geno. Kinda scrapped that, in the way that he's definitely planning to meander his way there initially, but when Fresh isn't after him a few days in, he decides it's not worth it and they seriously didn't care, hense him wandering aimlessly lol.

Ough the way you put it is SO peak... The boy just wants someone to want him!!! Because, he thought his brothers did, but obviously he was wrong, so he'd have to prove it. Have to make his own name for himself. (Have to hope that this would be his moment to be taken in for once-)

Yes!!! Error is insanely strong, and he was learning, but he learns differently than everyone else, and his academy didn't accept that (if Geno conformed, why can't Error?) so they expelled him. The water and fire thing was actually an idea I wanted to add in since you mentioned the idea of simple spells, because Error is extremely talented at the hard parts of magic. Multitasking and keeping many spells going at once is easy for him (sometimes he forgets he even has one active), and he's very very good at getting power behind them, it flows so easily. His magic being string-based really gave him a new perspective on how magic works!! (Like, in DnD magic is referred to as 'The Weave' and every strand is akin to a bit of magic, and it's kinda like that for him. He's deeply connected to what makes magic magic.) So, ofc, when presented with things he knows aren't his best work by the standards of professionals, who want everything to be perfect? He has to get a little showy and crafty about it!

And yeah!!! I love love loved he way you wrote Error's magic in A&C and realized I like doing smth similar in my own stories with Error using his strings to channel his magic (so long as it's not a mage-specific spell). Like, he can be so versatile thanks to its make-up, and his magic is static until activated or acted upon, so it lingers even when he's not present. Plus, he has to get into textiles somehow lmao- I think he loves making scarves, and his horrible at making hats, and everything more complex is a nice casual stretch of his creative muscle lmao.

And the building!!! (The amphitheatre was mostly just because my Art History course is leaking into my brain lmao-) Yeah, he totally meant for it to act more as a warning shot. Like 'Wow, if anything had been in that blast's way it would've been obliterated, huh? Better hire me! Better get this power on your side!' And instead he didn't toss it high enough, and it *did* obliterate something and like. He's lucky no living soul was caught in the blast because *yeesh*. He 100% did not account for his plan going wrong and he's so worried he's in trouble for messing up the place, but no one says anything.

(Also idk if it was super clear, but Error's physically sturdy kinda in the way A&C Error was (can take a hit and then repair himself) but his physical body, at age 12, is weak af. So like. The strong gust from his own spell, or those guards grabbing him and making his magic act up? Yeag. Not great. Knocked over like a bowling pin.)

And his spell was really cool! No one had seen anything like it. Ever. And Nightmare was actually deeply impressed compared to the other mages who had gone before Error. None of them could compete at all. Plus, Night wasn't fond of the building anyways, lots of bloody arena battles were fought there. He was more worried about civilians, then about Error himself lmao.

Dust was probably the scariest character to wrote this entire drabble, because I'm not quite sure how I want to characterize him yet. Obv I know the whole dustedafterdeath situation, but that's after he sees Night is tiny and assumes a more comfortable role as brother. Here he's quiet, and I tried to bring out his awkward side a bit. He's not used to giving speeches, or pep talks, or talking to strangers in any positive light. However, he totally noticed Error was getting frustrated and upset (the Black Market had been full of grown adults with less patience than Error he had to talk down pretty often) and decided he'd at least pull him away from the crowd.

It was a mix of Dust recognizing that Error was dangerous (one of the trained mages had put up that spell barrier and Error slipped through it in seconds flat) and knowing that he had the ability to de-escalate it. He mostly just tried to think of things he'd heard between the other knights when they spoke (a lot of his inspo was things Killer had said to Cross when the newby had finally broken the ice and let himself be vulnerable) which is why it felt a bit awkward, and maybe childish, but not like speaking to a 12 y/o style. More talking to a teen. Which is why Error felt good, because Dust was honest about how highly he thought of Error's abilities!

He also totally had to mention he'd have to kill those folks if Error was passed. Like, he hated to do it, but redirecting blame to Nightmare, then loosely explaining that he had his reasons? This kid would respect the king enough to let it go (he thought).

Augh the too early line was one of my favorites!! The longer he talked to Error the more relaxed he got (either that he could handle the situation, or that Error would back down) and by the end of it he had to rely less on using Killer-centric pep talks and more on his own perspective. To him, in some way, he and Error were like two peas in a pod. Insanely powerful, in the wrong place at the wrong time. So he judges it'd be better to give Error some trust, like an adult would get, and joke that he had something to deal with. (Point is, for the sake of trying to do something nice for Error, Dust basically brought Error up to his level. Like they were both in on something, better than the others, their own little club. So when Dust left, that just boosted Error's ego enough to make him want to enact his goofy plan-)

Dust's magic too! Yeah, i shlorped that one up from Real Age, lol! Though, it's less dry electricity and more an incoming hurricane with electrical wires running through the flooded streets. It's something wild and natural, not sterile like what Error's been taught, or purely otherworldly like what Fresh or Night have, it's very grounded. But he's 12 so he doesn't understand the implications, he just thinks it's cool as hell. (And it's why Geno is later so invested in learning. Dust drew in both the brothers with his mysterious attitude and storm-magic swag <3)

And!!! AND!!!! When he moves to help!!! Yeah!!! At this point, Dust didn't bother to tell Nightmare about Error, because he hadn't seen him in the stands the second day and figured he'd moved on. So when things went wrong and he saw Error fall and the guard try to approach (the blast knocked them back, which is why Error managed to stay up there long enough to process things) he wanted to move. Part of him wanted to get Error down before he hurt himself, part of him wanted to get there before the guard did and got themselves potentially killed. And Cross (the other one who was there who was only very briefly mentioned-) saw Dust move and had no hesitation in moving too, though he was under the impression that they'd be nabbing Error and taking him away somewhere (not quite deprogrammed out of the old murderous and ruthless habits just yet). Nightmare sensed the emotions of Dust and Cross clashing in motives, and could tell Error didn't seem scared, just distressed (like, same energy as a kid getting scolded by their mother) so he held them back, and watched the blast. Felt it. Then had Dust fill him in on whatever it was he'd been left blind to about this kid.

Dust had so been ready to yeet himself up there before even thinking through a plan, lmao- And he refuses to acknowledge that for another several years until Geno is in the picture again and he realizes he's been playing older brother for a few years now.

Nightmare!!!!

Like you said, we talked about it, but Night 100% stepped up to those guards and put the fear of. well. him. into them, because no matter how hard Error had messed up, he could tell there was absolutely zero malicious intent in his body. None. Even his furious intention seemed to come from a place of indignation less than the need to harm someone. And, as we've said, Error is a child at this point! A lil guy!

Along with that, the respect is 100% something I needed to lay on thick here. As much as Night is used to being a King by now, he has purposely kept himself far away from the youth, and refuses to do what his mother did to Ccino again. He walks on eggshells in this moment, because he can't afford to see a kid hurt, or scared, or even distressed because of his actions, so he's very careful. Doesn't lay a hand on him (he could feel the pain radiating, and the fear when he'd been grabbed) and waits for Error to ask for help or do things himself. The rundown Dust provided to him was helpful, but not nearly enough data to make a solid plan. (And if Error hadn't seemed so out of it, and so determined, he would have just sent him off. But frankly. Nightmare throught Error seemed like he could be a threat in the future, especially if he's so ballsy and confident and strong at this age, and without reasoning with him, it would only lead to consiquences in the future. So they had to sit and talk!)

That shrug was my everything. Something about talking to a kid makes people lower their guards, especially Nightmare (subconsciously he feels like he's in a friendly environment, I think) so he's much more willing to show that soft side. (This is the same thing that happens subconsciously to Ccino. They're aware Error is smart, but they just... don't think about the act when he's around, for the most part.) Error's confused, but so much has been going on that frankly this dude who has a good opinion of him having such a high standing with the king works in his favor so he's not about to question it!

(i have so so many thoughts so I will be coming back to finish this in a part two later, but I have to study so idk when I'll be back lmao-)

@ancha-aus

New Age AU (Error's Wacky Wild Plan)

Hi guys. So. Crazy Story. The crisis that stopped me from working on my banner art actually catapulted me into writing this drabble finally! (Also the wonderful @ancha-aus was also a life-saver and helped me hammer out a few plot points for this installment <3)

Currently my only context for this drabble is that Error is tiny, and ran away from home because Geno moved to Reaper's kingdom to make money to send back home, and Fresh spent too long away on his trip. Error was expelled from his magic academy and came home to an empty house, so he left! Now he's been on the road for about a month? Nightmare has been ruling for about 6-ish years now, almost 7.

(Hello @mutzelputz and @papiliovolens hi guys!!!)

The town was bustling.

Error had been through a lot of towns since he’d left. Big ones, small ones, ones he was convinced weren’t even towns at all, just a few barns in a general closeness to one another who decided they needed to call themselves something besides the outskirts. Those people had been particularly hostile to his passing through.

And, lately, they’d been really weird. People staring at him when he’d walk on the streets, or pass by shops. When they saw he had money from a different kingdom (he didn’t even realize he’d left his own, but he figured it meant he was on the right path) they’d squeeze their faces like they bit a lemon and hastily take his coin. Like it was cursed, or something. They were lucky it wasn’t cursed, honestly. He could probably figure out how to do that.

This town, though, was filled so full with people that he imagined they couldn’t look at him weird if they wanted to.

People were riding horses, chatting in the streets, all sorts of stalls and merchants were peddling goods, and he was almost positive he could hear music lifting down the street over the general drone. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d run into a place so busy. He’d always been told to stick to the side, out of the way, out of danger.

He didn’t have to listen to that anymore. Though, he did skirt the crowds. The mass of people seemed all too willing to bump shoulders or elbows with each other in the early morning sun, and the last thing he wanted was to have his magic act up in a crowd. He’d done well so far.

Every booth, every merchant, every passerby seemed jubilant, ebbing and flowing. It was like some sort of party.

That was, until, Error spotted it.

A big building, something that Error recognized only vaguely.

It was an amphitheatre.

Geno had taken him to see one once. Or, at least, the ruin of one. It hadn’t been too far from their home, and it was pretty abandoned and lonely. Plants had crawled up its walls, stones had fallen off in chunks, animals seemed to have deemed its high windows a perfect spot to build nests. It had been breathtaking, and ancient.

This one? Seemed perfectly in-use.

The walls were all in-tact, stones, an easy to look at grey, smooth and covered in little intricate carvings. Spells, he had to imagine, in some language he didn’t know. Curtains hung over the huge arched entrances, and heavy gates seemed to be lifted, the spikes at the base loomed over the heads of every passerby.

He couldn’t help but marvel. Was this a restoration, or maybe it was new. Some sort of imitation. Regardless, he found that his feet carried him to one of the entrances, which stood largely empty aside from some folks who looked strikingly like guards.

Two of them stood, long spears in-hand. They both stood stock still as Error approached, and didn’t move a muscle as he passed them. They were strange, definitely different. Not at all the town guard he was familiar with.

The inside of the theatre was even more impressive. Rows and rows of stands seemed to line up either side. Huge tapestry hung from the high arches past those seats, and down the runways of the bleachers, all a bright teal and dark navy blue. They seemed fancy, and much newer than the curtains which had hung in the entrance.

Beyond the walkway where he stood, was a set of stairs which led down a level or so, before it leveled out into an open space. Sandy, and very flat. It seemed like there were people there, too. A much smaller crowd, but still a crowd nonetheless.

Error was almost amazed he’d not been stopped by someone yet. Whatever was going on seemed important, and so far in his experience, people did not like him sticking his nose into important business.

With that in mind, he decided he’d stick to the entryway for now. He leaned his bag up against the wall and watched from a position where the sun still shadowed his form. He was often grateful for his miscolored bones. It made hiding in the dark a whole lot easier.

It took a bit for him to really process what he was watching in the morning light.

There were four people sat on a sort of raised box toward the front of a stage. A huge stage, raised up off the sand with wood slats. They had a long-table before them, and quills and ink jars in-hand. Well, three were sitting. One was standing. But the point is, they were all watching the stage very attentively.

On-stage there was… basically nothing. Only a simple backdrop Error had to imagine was there at all times, because it looked like it was coated in sand, even from the distance where he stood.

A person would enter the stage, the people sat on the box would speak to them, and then there was a flare of magic. Another. Another. And then they were dismissed.

It wasn’t until he really bothered to think about what magic was being cast that he realized those were extremely simple spells being used. Levitate, Create Water, Mimicry. Or Flame, Gust, Light. All just three easy spells, and then they were off-stage. That was taught magic. It gave him memories of his entrance exam to his school. He’d been way overqualified to get in, Geno taught him after all…

But, no, this didn’t feel the same. There were plenty of people who seemed to stumble at spells they didn’t recognize, or who couldn’t muster a simple breeze. Then others who were very old and obviously skilled. Obviously they found the three spells to be child’s play. Like Error would. This was no entrance exam, so what-

“Hey, pipsqueak, what are you doing there in the dark?” A voice startled him, and it took all of his willpower to avoid jumping away from its origin.

Error twisted rapidly, just in time to avoid the thrust of an elbow in his direction.

There was a monster there. Three, actually. Two lizards, both bright green and tropical, and one who looked more like a dragon. The green one closer to him must have spoken, because he laughed at Error’s flinch.

“Why are you bothering me?” Error shot back haughtily.

The lizard seemed to grin at the response.

“Oh, so we’ve got a feisty little small fry here? Thinks he’s scoping out the competition?” The dragonish one hissed, voice deep.

The other green one tittered a giggle, “So cute! I can’t believe the King really decided to let just anyone try out for Royal Mage.”

Oh…

The lizard before him seemed to take this silence as a weakness, and reached out quicker than Error could react. A flick to the middle of his forehead.

Error winced and pulled away, back and into the arena. He grit his teeth and clutched his skull, where at the same moment the lizard jumped back and shook their hand in the air a bit. His magic had reacted poorly again, and while it was better than it used to be, it still stung like 5 wasps touching down and stinging the same point all at once.

“Little freak.” Was all the monster hissed, before he fled. His two friends moving on behind him in confusion. Approaching the line to the stage.

Error stood there in the sun for a moment, rubbing at his forehead until the pain was more of a numb static.

If anything, he appreciated the little run-in with those wanna-bes. Now he knew exactly what this was, and why it had felt so familiar to him.

The Mage Trials.

Geno had to go through them, and he’s been very thorough about his every single detail while doing it. Even though he was the best mage Error had ever known, he’d still stressed and wrote page after page of plans and spells and had placed them into a folder that felt thicker than an encyclopedia. Geno had always been the only one of them who bothered studying. Fresh couldn’t go to school anymore, and Error… Well, Error didn’t need to.

Thinking about it, Geno had been very quiet about it, but Error had looked into his folder a few times. Just out of curiosity. It’d been split into three rounds, something Geno had said was standardized. The first was a test of someone’s basic magic skills, the second were more complex spells which the mage has practice in, and the third, the one that had given Geno the most grief, was the personal spell round. In the last one, there were no restrictions to what someone could do, so long as they had done the work themselves, and that it mostly used magic.

If he was right, and he usually was, then this was the first round. Eliminating those with nothing but a hope and a prayer in their pocket before they got embarrassed before the one looking for the Mage in the first place. In this case, whoever this kingdom’s king even was.

In just a few moments, Error had decided.

This was how he’d prove himself.

The line was already starting to get longer, and he didn’t want to be here until nightfall in a queue. He dusted off his scarf, his shoes, his bag, and set off into the bright sun to secure his place in this contest. No prep. No warning. Just with his raw skill and what he’d learned so far. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Finally.

Error felt like it had been hours in the warm sun before he was finally up next.

He’d been watching, of course. Watching as the people before him were passed or failed. It was just as he’d expected, and he couldn’t help but be a bit giddy as the two green lizard who’d bothered him earlier both failed. Though their dragonish friend had passed, it was still enough of a victory for him.

Along with that, he noticed that the three people sat were all in robes of nobles. Something the wealthy and lofty would think to wear in a blazing hot arena all day. The one standing, though, was wearing all black. A hood was over his head, but Error thought he might be some sort of cat-monster. Very stone faced, very still. The only time Error had seen him move was seemingly to veto whatever choice the other three were making. He thought it was interesting.

That didn’t matter, though.

Based on what he’d seen, these people wouldn’t have any qualms with his magic. He was much better than half the people who’d already been passed, and knew he could keep him calm up on the stage. It’d be just like his entrance exam.

He watched as the monster who’d gone before him, a skeleton who was twice his height and twice as animal-ish, bowed gratefully to the people on the boxes, the evaluators, and exited. She’d passed fairly easily, Error thought. Though, her focus seemed elsewhere based on how shaky the hold on her last flame had been.

“Next!”

The call was shrill, and Error had heard it over a hundred times already today, but this time it bounced in his ears as he lifted himself up the steps and strode onstage.

If he’d thought about it, he would’ve tried to find a place to stache his bag, but it was too late for that, and frankly he didn’t trust it not to get stolen once it was out of his sight. Not with how busy the city seemed.

When he was stood in the center of the stage, he looked out across the way to the evaluators. They seemed closer up here than they did when he was on the ground. Interesting.

“First spell,” The person on the far left called, though Error could tell now that it was a voice projection spell. So they didn’t strain their vocal chords, “ Levitate.”

That was simple. One of the first spells he’d been taught as a kid.

His eyes skimmed briefly, there had been a few props on stage that he only noticed once he was closer that were meant to be used with this sort of spell, but Error wasn’t for that. Instead, he muttered the words under his breath, outstretched a hand, and felt his magic reach out around him. Beyond the stage.

There… There was a barrier of some sorts, pushing back against his magic, between himself and the evaluators. He furrowed his brow and urged his magic forward. He didn’t have to break through it. He just. Had to- His magic felt like it was looping and wriggling like a worm through the dirt, but when it broke through on the other end, it felt so much more clear. He could feel a potent magic there, something raw and wet, like the air before a storm.

That didn’t matter, though. None of it did, because he was on a mission. His magic finally found its target, the stacks of ink bottles which the middle evaluator had just before their parchment. The magic latched on, and Error finally allowed himself a grin as he tugged his hand upwards. They floated calmly into the air, three of them, and did a quick spinning motion, before settling back down just where he’d found them.

He didn’t catch the looks on the threes faces, but he had to imagine they were priceless. He was more focused on letting the spell dissipate and preparing for the next.

It took a moment, before, “Second Spell,” They said, “Create Water.”

Another easy one.

Error held his hand out again, though this time his palm faced the sky rather than the ground. At the mutter of his words, he could feel the water manifesting. Tiny droplets leaking from his fingers and into the air above his open palm, where he let it gather into a nice, easy sphere.

It hovered, and for this one he could see the nods from the three evaluators. The fourth, the cat monster, didn’t move an inch. A good sign.

Error, after a breath, moved the orb of water and simply set it on the stage floor. If he had to release it, he didn’t exactly want to get his clothes wet. That orb tended to shoot outwards when he released it, and the water would go everywhere.

“Third spell,” They must’ve been contented with his simply setting down the water, for they continued, “Flame.”

Ah, one of his favorites. He was never very good at it, of course, but it was certainly very fun. If nothing else it’d be a taste of his raw power.

He rolled up his hanging sleeves, quickly using strands of string to wrap them in place, before he picked back up the water orb in one hand. With the other, he faced his palm toward the side of it, and spoke the words for the flame spell.

The heat gathered in his wrist, and all at once shot out of his palm, like a cannon blast. The heat was intense, and Error laughed quietly to himself in pure elation as the fire did exactly what he was hoping. All at once, his glasses fogged, and a burst of steam blew past his face, off to the exiting side of the stage. He’d evaporated his orb, no longer needing to risk someone seeing him fumble with it and soak himself.

He let the fire die after a few second, and quickly grabbed the hem of his scarf to wipe down his glasses from the fog left behind on their surface.

The moment the red rims were back on the bridge of his nose, the voice spoke up again.

“Name?”

Error cleared his throat, before calling back his name in response. Just the first one, the last one didn’t matter anymore.

There was another few breaths of quiet, before,

“Age?”

Error hadn’t heard them ask anyone else for their age, but he figured they’d noticed. How strong and talented he was at such a young age.

He puffed up his chest when he announced, “Twelve!” to the arena.

There were a few muffled murmurs from the line, but Error was too busy grinning across the way at the evaluators as they seemed to talk amongst themselves.

He was ready to hear the word that would mark him to continue. The next part was tomorrow, after this round was concluded and the king arrived. He’d heard about it in the line while he was waiting.

One of the evaluators lifted their gaze back to him. Opened their mouth.

“Disqualified.”

That.

Huh?

Error must’ve visibly glitched at the response, because one of the evaluators seemed to flinch. Ever so slightly.

“How come?!” Error called back, reservations immediately fleeing his mind.

How could they disqualify him? He hadn’t heard them do that to literally anyone else so far today.

The evaluator on the far right spoke up, “Too young. Now please move off the-”

Error might’ve let his mouth speak before his mind, if he hadn’t seen the way the mysterious cat monster seemed to slink forward. A simple tap to the evaluator’s side and they stopped mid-sentence, attention drawing to the person.

He waited with balled fists. Hoping, against it all, that this person was using his mighty veto powers to get him his passing review.

“The Knight wishes to speak to you further.” They said, when the person, the Knight, took a step back. “Exit the stage.”

Mm.

This was his chance. This was his moment. He was being allowed to move on, he was sure of it. It had to be.

He practically scrambled off the stage and down the steps, and found that the Knight had closed the distance very quickly. He gestured silently for Error to follow him off to the side of the arena, seemingly outside of the voice spell’s range, as the noise of magic and calling for the next viewer seemed all muffled and contained.

Something Error noticed about the guy, now that he was right beside him walking along, was also that he wasn’t a cat monster. No, he had some sort of mask shaped like a cat. Black spots painted on black fur, with piercing white eyelights hidden in the darkness cast by his black hood. A cloth mask covered the lower half of his face, so Error would’ve had no idea what kind of monster he was, if he hadn’t left his hands uncovered. They were grey and grimy, but they were most certainly bones.

The other thing he noticed, was the magic. That damp, airy magic was no-doubt from this guy. It practically enveloped the both of them until they were stood in the shade of the wall separating bleachers from arena floor.

“You said you’re twelve?” He finally asked, shifting on his feet to look at Error.

The last thing he noticed, which only happened once he was able to look past the aura, was that. Well. He was a bit taller than this guy. Not by much, but there was certainly something stark about having to look a bit downwards to meet his eyelights.

“Yes, I am.” He claimed proudly, still convinced this was to be his ride to the top.

The knight seemed to skim him with his eyes. Surely taking in Error’s clothes, his bag, his glasses, the weird bones. Though, it didn’t feel pervasive.

“Impressively strong for a kid,” He praised loosely, “And probably talented in spells if the nerds were any indication.”

His voice was quiet and raspy, but Error had no problem listening to it. This strong and very cool guy who was called a ‘knight’ was praising him. This was much better than getting yelled at by his professors. Much.

“Does that mean I passed?” He asked impatiently.

He needed this. He needed this.

The guy’s eyelights lingered on his face a bit, and it was then that Error finally noticed how virtually unreadable this guy was. Impossibly quiet, posture unmoving, all facial features shrouded in shadow and covered by masks?

“I’m not sure what kingdom you’re from, but you’ve got to understand that the folks up there didn’t say no because you’re bad. They said no because the king made a new decree. “No soul under the age of 16 shall be put to work under the crown.” They’ve gotta take it seriously, just like everyone else has to follow the new rules about their own shops and businesses.” He said evenly, eyelights never leaving Error’s face. “You’re a couple years too early is all.”

It felt like he’d been shoved into a ditch, and he could already feel his right hand starting to tremble with the beginnings of a glitch. He was furious! How could they possibly say no to him because of some stupid rule about his age?

“No!” He exclaimed, trying to bite back the distortion on his voice, “I’m not going to just walk away. If I could just move on to the next round, they’d see I’m different! I’m not some weak little baby!”

He clenched his fists, driving his jittering one forcefully into his pocket.

The knight didn’t even flinch at his declaration.

“They’ve already seen that.” He said easily. “Listen to me. Error, right?”

Error hesitantly nodded.

“Error, ‘m sure that if my Lord saw you in action, he too would agree that you are very strong and resourceful.” The knight said, and Error hated that it sounded earnest. “But, he set that law into place for very good reason. If by any means those folks back there were to let you through, to pass you, and you made it before the king next round? They’d have committed treason, and I’d have their souls on the end of my bone in three seconds flat.”

His voice was hard and serious, and Error held strong as a loud crack echoed out beside the knight. A bone raised from the ground, sharp and jagged on the end, absolutely radiating magic.

“Do you really want their blood on your conscience, just so that you get sent away by the King anyways?” The knight offered.

Error hunched his shoulders a bit, and he felt his static worsen as he let his eyes linger on the bone. Yes. He muttered inside his head. He wanted to scream it at the man before him. Tell him that this was his one golden chance to prove himself.

But to who? He would ask, and Error wouldn’t be able to say it. It’d be a wasted sentiment and wasted time and wasted lives just for his temper tantrum.

“...No.” He bit out meekly.

He stood there, feeling a familiar shame creep up his spine. The knight made no move to leave, though he did let his bone disappear. The ground looked untouched from where it had split out of. Just more sand. Sand that was getting into Error’s bones. That he’d have to clean out later. Swinging in his hammock, lonely and moping.

“Heh,” The chuckle was almost inaudible, and Error was almost ready to let his distress turn back into rage, but, “Better kid than I was.” The Knight mused into the open air.

He seemed to shift his stance again, and Error took a half step back.

“You’ve got your life ahead of you, kid. Don’t let this keep you down. Take the road less traveled by or whatever.” He said then, waving a hand loosely before him.

Error stared at him, trying to even his breath, before he had an idea.

“The other two rounds will be here, right?” He asked, voice still harshly stuttering and screeching. The Knight seemed unbothered.

“Yeah. Planning on sticking around to watch?” The knight questioned, though it felt more like a warning.

Error nodded in agreement without hesitation. “If these geezers can get the job, I need to see what kind of tricks they have up their sleeves.” He agreed.

That earned another little chuckle, before the knight looked back to the stage.

Up in the center was a new mage, a human who seemed to be making a pretty wild wind that was whipping the sand around, bothering the people in line behind him. Error heard the knight make a scoffing noise, before turning back towards the stage.

“Go hang around somewhere else for a while, why don’t you? I have to go make sure those nerds don’t pass that guy.”

Error didn’t even get to say a farewell before the Knight was off.

It seemed like every stride he teleported a bit further, building speed until he stopped cleanly up on the pedestal. Just in time for the sandstorm to die down.

Error didn’t want to walk away from this, he didn’t, but staying would only waste his time. It only took a few more seconds, to watch the knight nudge the evaluator and hear the muffled call of ‘fail’ ring out across the arena before he was turning tail and moving out of the sandy paradise, back into the bustle of the living city.

It was impossible to miss it. The sounds of celebration as the monarch entered the town.

Error could see the royal carriage from his perch, an old temple tower that had at some point lost its bell. It seemed untouched, birds nests and cobwebs, so he’d set up a hammock and a little makeshift shelter inside using his strings just before night fell.

He’d snatched some food from the town as dusk was setting in, and he’d been comfortably whittling away the dark hours, working hard on his plan.

With the King officially in town, that meant the second round would be starting up shortly, taking the numbers of who would be in the third round down by hundreds. He hoped the king was stingy about it. He hoped that dragonish monster would stumble on his spell and turn someone into a frog.

The thought humored him, and he cackled quietly to himself from his makeshift room.

The sun was high again, and he was only a part of the way through. His spells required a lot of his magic to be woven into them, and while it was much much faster than what he’d heard was the usual, it was still difficult to make.

Weaving the blue strings from his sockets, to his fingers, around his fingertips, and into the shapes he needed. It was monotonous, and boring by all accounts, but with every strand there was a new flow of power. A new pump of adrenaline into Error’s soul as he recognized his creation becoming more potent. Intent, intent, intent, every loop and knot was filled to the brim with it. His frustration sat at the core. Much more volatile and destructive than his usual intent, but it would serve him well if he wanted this plan to go well. Around it was his determination. The strings woven in with a sense of stubbornness which refused to let go, like a snake swallowing its prey whole. This would compress the first layer into a proper state. Let it coil and coil and coil until it burst. It’d be big, and loud, and send out that message he so desperately needed to be heard by the king.

Skipping the second round would probably hurt him in the long run, but… That knight had said he’d have to kill those people if he showed his face in round two. So, he’d just appear in round three instead, and make up for missing the second one. A final act, of sorts.

He’d have to be at this all day to make the time crunch. The orb was hardly as big as his palm, not nearly big enough. Though, he had wasted time making the shelter and finding food. He’d just have to skip a couple meals to make up for it. He didn’t really need to eat that much anyways, he’d known that for years. He just tried to make an effort when he smelled something tasty.

He knew he could manage.

It was late in the night when Error finally started on the outer layers. Those which would be filled with his patience, so that the potent insides would not be sensed as he moved with it among the many magic users.

The town had begun to line the streets with torches and party as the stars arrived. No doubt celebrating those who would be at the third and final round tomorrow. The ones who would be competing to become the new Royal Mage.

To Error? Every single moment down there was dedicated to him. They just didn’t know it yet.

The morning came, and Error only had a few more layers.

By the time the sun was almost in the center of the sky above, he had finished it, and carefully tucked it into his backpack. He unraveled the strings and carefully wrapped them, shaping them, changing them into a thin net with long ends. This was shoved into his jacket sleeve, the ends clutched tight in his hand.

It took him hardly any time at all to get to the arena, and he was early.

Good.

He settled himself up in the stands, as close to the stage as he could get. Many people seemed to be staying outside the arena, sticking to the streets, but there was still enough of a crowd in the bleachers that Error had to be careful as he worked his way along the edges. He needed to be closer. Closer…

There.

He stood at the railing behind the stage.

From here, he could see the line to the left, and he could see the people who had finished lingering on the other side. None of them spoke to each other, only standing about, icily, waiting for the rest to finish so they’d know which of them was chosen, and who was not. Error had to imagine that these folks were just as lame and boring as the seniors from his old academy. No fun at all.

He waited, so, so patiently, for the next few people. The last few.

Though he couldn’t see the spells themselves, he could certainly feel the pressure coming off of them. The control that they’d need to balance it. How much it might’ve drained their energy to do it just once. He was attuned to that sort of thing, he had to be.

His assessment was that all of these last few folks weren’t bad, but they were no match for Error’s raw talent.

Each spell cast seemed to tick away at Error’s patience, until it finally happened. The last mage went on-stage. It seemed there had been 15 of them.

He’d have to make 16, then.

It felt like a blur as he jumped the rails and let his strings carry him across the open space, much to the shock of the few who had been watching the competitors from around him. The blue lines snatched at the wooden supports of the stage, and he swung right over top, landing a bit messily in the center of the stage.

He didn’t have time to look at everything. All he knew was the crowd was much larger than last time, that there was a shout of ‘Hey!’’ from somewhere to his left, and that the box across from the stage now held only three people. Monsters. One Error recognized, the knight in shadows who’d spoken to him. The other two he didn’t know, but he had to assume the one in the middle, tall and imposing, and dark, with an eyelight the same colors as the tapestries, was the King he was looking to impress. That was all he needed to know.

“M’lord, my name is Error!” He called out across the sand, and in one motion he shrugged the bag off his shoulders and used his strings to tug the orb out of its canvas body. “I want to prove that I’m more capable than any of the adults who just went before me! I could be your mage!” He would be the mage.

The orb sat cradled in Error’s hand for only the briefest moment, before it was inside the little net he’d made. He swung it in circles. Again. Again. Again.

He had to be fast. He had to do this quick.

Error spent one last moment, extending his reach through his strings, muttering words and igniting an intangible spark.

For a brief moment, he watched as the King seemed to ease forward. A hand now raised, seemingly calling off his knights, who had been almost in motion.

He released the orb directly upwards, momentum carrying it up.

Up.

Into the blue sky. Practically into the sun.

Error watched it rise above him.

Only.

“Shit.”

His calculations must’ve been off. He must’ve added a layer too many, or maybe he released it a swing too soon. But he could tell that it wouldn’t clear the top of the arena.

Maybe if he had a few more seconds he could’ve used strings to boost it. He could’ve sent a magic gust to lift it further.

Not the case.

He watched as the orb detonated, just like it was supposed to.

The wave moved horizontally through the air, and swept across the air above the arena so quickly that it sucked the sand from the top layer and threw it against the tall walls. Error’s footing slipped, and he stumbled to his knees on the stage as the wind whipped and tugged the heavy curtains into the air current as well.

It was an almost invisible force, Error had to imagine anyone without a solid grasp of magic would entirely miss it as it spread out.

He winced as it finally reached the edges of the arena, where he had just barely managed to fall short of clearing.

As the magic passed over the stone and mortar, he saw as it fell. Not in chunks, but crumbled like dust into fine particles. The upper half of every arch at the top of the grand amphitheatre, turned pitch black, then wasted away.

He hadn’t meant for it to come in contact with anything. It wasn’t supposed to do anything but harmlessly wave over everyone’s heads. As a show of his strength. That was all.

Error could only think back to when this had happened before. When he’d accidentally exploded Geno’s favorite mug while metering the strength of his strings. When he’d broken the wheel of a carriage passing through the woods with a wayward slingshot blast. When he’d broken all ten of the large windows in the lecture hall of the academy when he failed to complete a spell the way it was written. When he’d done it too well.

As he rose to his feet, he half expected the nagging voice of his older brother to be there, chastising him for not being more careful, before taking him home and making him dinner.

It wasn’t that, though.

He watched out across the sand. The king had his head tilted only slightly, looking up at Error’s lofty mistake. At the clean cut where stone now met unbothered air. His knight, the one in all black, was leaned ever so slightly towards him. They must’ve been speaking. Or, at least, the knight was.

About Error, he had no doubt.

He stayed in place, watching, swaying a bit with the residual force of his own spell lingering in his fingertips. Every instinct which told him to run and to hide were smothered and stamped out by the ligering fact that he had nowhere to go. Without his brothers, there was no one to help him. He knew it.

Even in front of this crowd. These mages. This King and his knights. He couldn’t bring himself to move offstage. Some part of him, deep down, childishly wanted the King to announce that he was impressed. To parade him offstage and let him experience what Geno had. Let him know why Geno left.

The King’s single eyelight swam back over to look at Error in the silence.

Error felt like the world had stopped.

It hadn’t.

There was a clattering of armor and rustling of fabric, suddenly loud in his ears, and he had no time to react as everything came rushing in all at once.

Hands. Heavy, gloved hands. Two sets, two hands each wrapped one of his upper arms, and immediately lifted him off the ground. Into the air.

Pain flooded into his bones from his soul, like twin lightning strikes, trying to singe the bone and the magic in its core. The pressure wasn’t much, his mind knew that, but his body usually didn’t listen to him. He tried desperately to hold it in. The rampant part of his magic that had been hurting him since he could remember. That made it hard to touch anyone. To shake hands. To hug his brothers.

“Let go!” He pleaded, though he wasn’t sure if his voice made any sense. Fresh always told him they couldn’t tell what he was saying when his voice got too bad.

More pain. He kicked his legs at the open air, and tried to muster control over his strings, just for a moment, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t focus.

And all at once it stopped.

Error’s feet were on the ground again, though that promptly became his knees again as he swayed and wavered in the sudden aftermath of his active magic dying down. Receding back into his soul. Because it didn’t need to ‘protect’ him anymore.

He spotted then, as his vision returned to something aside from the gloves or the sky, that the King was no longer in his throne. In fact, there was a heavy, encompassing, magical weight behind him now. Somewhere very, very close-by.

He took a deep breath, grounding himself.

“We are taking a recess.” Announced a booming voice. Very nearby. It was deep, and felt almost the same as the projection spell from two days prior. Then, more quietly, “You will leave the boy to me. Go ensure no one was injured, then manage the crowd. I’ll make my choice tomorrow at sunrise.”

The second bit felt quieter, an edge to the tone that Error didn’t quite like. Considering he must be the boy in question.

It was a moment, a few muddled ‘Yes, my king’ s, before Error found a pair of boots stepping before him. His head swam as he looked upwards.

The King, he figured that had to be him, was dark. Very dark. Like a living, dripping, shadow. Magic seemed to be all he was made of, an aura radiating from him. Dripping off his back into long slimy worms, twitching as they sat near the ground. He wore a fancy cape, too. One with huge gold clasps on his shoulders, one was shaped like the moon.

Error looked to his face last. In hindsight, something that could’ve been very, very bad. He was met with a dripping face. Skeletal. The place where his right socket should’ve sat was covered in that dark substance. The other hollow, with that bright cyan orb staring right back at him.

“Can you stand?” His voice came easily, and Error braced himself.

Could he?

He had to, he didn’t want to be touched again.

Error took another breath, and managed to rise silently to his feet.

“Good,” the King said once he was standing, “Follow me.”

It was an order he didn’t dare refuse.

Error found himself in an odd position.

He’d been given time to sit and recover from his magic’s outlash, and now he was sat in a room beneath the bleachers of the arena alongside the King and that knight he’d met before. The other one was guarding the door, he thought.

It’d been silent for a while, and it was almost expected when the silence was finally broken.

“You said your name is Error, correct?” The King asked, and Error gave a nod of yes. He forced himself to meet the King’s gaze.

“Dust says that you’re only 12, and our people disqualified you in the first round. Is that right?”

Error nodded again.

“And Dust even explained to you why you were disqualified?”

Another nod. It seemed he’d at least made an impression on the knight. Dust.

The King tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, eyelight holding Error’s tightly.

“Then, I’ll ask, what brought you to think this was a good choice? To try and become Royal Mage above any cost it might bring?” The king asked, and Error was surprised to find it was a shockingly gentle tone. “Your home, your family, your life. You are so young, why put it all on the line like this?”

Oh.

It was almost funny. Was this whole thing because the king was some sort of charitycase? So disillusioned by his perfect life that he couldn’t even think of the hardships any random kid could go through? He almost grinned at that, barely keeping his mouth from twitching in a mix of frustration and humor.

“I wanted to prove myself,” He muttered, “And besides, becoming the Royal Mage would be great.”

He waited, waited for the King to inhale, to say something, before,

“I’m an orphan.” He spat, finally. “Family abandoned me, house is left behind, expelled from school. I don’t want to keep wandering.”

It was basically the truth. This was his big break. His one last chance before he became a hated little vagabond. Maybe even a criminal. Maybe he’d have to go on the run for the rest of his life, live as a nomad. Join a caravan. Those people got stopped a lot though, kingdoms didn’t like them. He’d probably explode some city’s bakery by mistake and get put in jail for-

“Wait!” Error suddenly exclaimed, breaking free of his thoughts, “Am I in trouble? Am I going to jail??” He asked then.

His worries slammed to a grinding halt and he stared wide-eyed at the two before him. Geno had always told him not to go making his big stuff near town, because if the guard caught him he wouldn’t be able to bail him out. He’d end up in jail. Of course, it’d never happened back then because he was always fast enough. Always smart enough to get out of dodge when he broke something or made poor decisions. Here? Here he hadn’t run when he had the chance.

The King stared at him, his one eyelight nearly mirroring Error’s in surprise at the question.

“I mean,” he started, “You’re young. If I wont let you work for me, I wouldn’t dare put you in prison either.” The King stated, “Though, you did do quite a bit of damage to the theatre.”

Error watched him break eye contact finally and look over his shoulder to the Knight stood there. He’d been silently watching Error too.

When he had no insight, The king seemed to heave a sigh, and the shadowy extra limbs which draped around him twitched.

“You’re sure you have no family? No home?” the King asked him again, and Error nodded.

The king muttered something under his breath, and shot the Knight another look. The knight shrugged.

“I… Will not employ you. Though, I do see talent in you, Error.” the King said carefully, a bit slower in his words than he had been up until now. Almost… unsure. “I will, however, extend to you the title so that you may conduct…” He waved a hand before himself, as though searching for a word, “ You may conduct independent research. If you accept, of course.”

“You would be free to resend your acceptance at any moment, no strings attached, and may take any work you complete along with you, and any pay you receive would be given to you after your 16th birthday, if you stay that long.” He added, “I’ll have to rewrite the contract, but-”

“I accept!”

Error couldn’t help himself. He was so excited he could puke. The last thing he’d expected was to pull this off. This shitshow of a scheme actually got him the job? He could scream. He could jump up and down for joy. He didn’t, he sat eagerly and tense in his seat instead, but he could’ve.

The King seemed to hesitate, for a few breaths, before relaxing. He stood, and offered a hand out slowly to Error.

Error stood too, grinning. He could manage this one. He could do it.

It was brief, but he grasped the King’s hand and shook it firmly.

“Dust, will you help Error locate his belongings, and escort him to wherever he is staying tonight? I’ll send Cross to swap with you a bit later. We’ll reconvene in the morning just before sunrise.”

#new age au #just realized I'm rbing from myself so please don't mind the extra tag lol-

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sixstepsaway · 3 years ago

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Ed is my favorite character but I am also very much an Izzy Hands enjoyer and I am baffled by the "Ed is a innocent lamb uwu everything bad and mean about Blackbeard was Izzy but also Izzy is incompetent and Ed never needed him for Blackbeard at all!" sentiment I see. Like....? How do you reconcile that? Also Ed "doesn't kill" but we see him order a man to be flayed alive with a snail fork and then thrown overboard. We see that. Izzy isn't there. Izzy didn't "make" him do this, just like Izzy didn't make him cut off his toe, which happened hours after their fight, in a calculated response that took into account Stede specifically recoiling from the idea (there's something to unpack).

When they say Ed had people kill their pets, Ed doesn't deny it or in any way indicate it wasn't his idea. The entire plan of killing Stede and taking his place was Ed's idea, not Izzy's! Ed could have ordered him to stop at any time and he didn't, he didn't even have the stomach to watch Izzy stab Stede (I love the contrast between this and the act of grace moment), and people act like the whole murder thing was entirely Izzy's idea and desire and Ed is just a helpless bystander. Ed is the one in charge except when he can't or won't be, but he still wants things done his way, wants all of the positives and none of the negatives (who can blame him? We all want that. But Ed doesn't seem to recognize that isn't actually possible).

If Izzy is so diametrically opposed to everything Ed is, and just a horrible hateful little man, why has Ed kept him around? Why is he his first mate? Why does he trust him more than anyone else, and let him in more than anyone else, until Stede? Why does their relationship read like they came up together, like they've literally known each other decades, like there is a depth and history and so much nuance to the relationship and yet you have people acting like Izzy is just some guy assigned by the pirate temp agency to Blackbeard shortly before the show starts? That Ed doesn't have the authority to fire?

There's abuse and toxicity coming from both Ed and Izzy in this relationship, and we're seeing it as it crumbles. The fact that it crumbles so painfully and dramatically - along with just every single thing about the way they interact, I feel insane - speaks to there having been a foundation of genuine friendship and partnership and maybe even love through the years (there are so many ways to love, what Ed & Stede have is glorious but just one). They're both in crisis. Izzy is making horrific, hurtful decisions but so is Ed. Ed has been hurt by Izzy's actions but Izzy has been hurt by Ed's as well (I'm not even talking about the toe! I'm talking about the years of relying on Izzy and having him do his dirty work, with very little thanks).

Ed and Stede have protagonist bias working in their favor (see how so many people ignore Stede's casual colorblind racism and that he can only be funding this adventure through exploitation and violence) - they also had some tragic, traumatic back story shown on screen. Izzy didn't - do people think that means he doesn't have one? That he was just born like this, has always been like this for no reason? That isn't how humans work. Real or fictional.

Ed deserves to be happy, it's what I want most. I want him to heal. I want the same for Izzy. They're both struggling and in pain and nothing I've seen from either of them as fictional people in a romcom makes me think they're undeserving or unable to be redeemed.

Anyway I love your Izzy posts. Keep on keeping on. Sending this anon because I don't want my own haters haha.

All of this, anon. All of this. The Revenge and the rest of the Pirate World are two entirely different stages (up until the end of ep 10), and when they swap between those worlds, the rules shift and change. You go from Pirate Drama (ala Black Sails, for example) to Rom Com and back again. Because of that, pretty much everyone who joined the Revenge who isn't Stede is an objectively awful person in their own ways who have made their lives by killing, plundering, looting, even torturing. I think that's why I love them all so much, because they're being given the chance to evolve past that. It's almost like starting a series with an entire cast of villains heading for redemption. It's excellent.

omg anon this bit here i was nodding along ready to contribute my own thoughts and then i hit PIRATE TEMP AGENCY and i fuckin LOST IT. thank you for that.

But also I think one particular bit really stands out to me from the POV of their friendship. Two, actually, one less than the other so I'll start there:

the first one is that Izzy specifically sends Calico Jack after Ed. He knows enough about Ed's temperament, and about his relationship with Jack to know that Jack is absolutely perfect to drive a wedge not only between Ed and Stede but between Ed and everyone on the crew. And he DOES. It's an absolutely FLAWLESS plan up until the point they're in dinghy and Jack has to be a bitch and talk about Izzy. If he hadn't done that? If his jealousy, ego, bitchiness hadn't come out so strongly? Damn. That plan was flawless and Ed would firstly have never known about the English and secondly gone back to Izzy.

Because Izzy knew him.

But the bit I specifically wanted to talk about in relation to your piece up there is after Ed hits him at the start of Act of Grace.

First off; Ed only hits him. He socks him real good in the face but that's it! I subconsciously assumed he was testing to see if the English would stop him, and then would surge on with something new but no. He thinks Izzy has completely betrayed them, and he even says so to Stede ("He sold us out.") but all he does is hit him. He doesn't hit him then try to shove him over the side. He doesn't try to bounce him off the mast. He doesn't pull a knife! He just socks him once real good in the face.

And then comes what Izzy says after that:

"That's fair. That's fair. Remember though, you said when you made me first mate, 'above all else is loyalty to your captain'. You're my captain and I was never gonna stand by and let you destroy yourself for that... twat. And this? This is a humane way of ending this. It's quick, it's clean. Edward, you know that."

And oh, my god. I could go on about this line for days but I'll try and keep it brief: Edward is the one that told Izzy that above all is loyalty to him. Edward. Knowing what Ed is capable of, knowing the kind of shit he's done not only in episode 10 but also the skinning and god knows what else? Who knows how he instilled that into Izzy, that his loyalty is to Edward and Edward only. A lot of people think the X on Izzy's cheek is his signature, and fuck. Imagine if that was when he gave him that? Imagine if he literally tattooed his signature into Izzy's face because his loyalty is to Ed and Ed only. (If not that X, perhaps a Blackbeard brand under his glove? Who knows.)

Then, after that, he goes on to say he wasn't going to let Ed destroy himself. This isn't a betrayal, and I think the fact Ed doesn't kill him here, doesn't cast him off the ship at the end of episode 9, doesn't tell him to go fuck himself, proves that Ed doesn't think it's a betrayal either. Regardless of his feelings for Stede, the only time he thought it was a betrayal was when he thought Izzy had handed them all over hook line and sinker with no regards for anything but himself. Izzy did not betray him. Izzy, in fact, kept his pledge of loyalty.

And then finally, the humane way of ending this? Izzy's job is keeping Edward happy. Izzy's job is keeping Edward safe and happy. That's why Stede is, in that scene, about to die by firing squad, not in some gruesome show at Charlestown or whatever else might have come his way. I would lay bets that Stede dying quickly and as painlessly as possible was part of the deal Izzy made.

I would also bet that the words, "This is the humane way of ending this, it's quick, it's clean," was what Edward said about Fang's dog.

They're both in crisis. Izzy is making horrific, hurtful decisions but so is Ed. Ed has been hurt by Izzy's actions but Izzy has been hurt by Ed's as well (I'm not even talking about the toe! I'm talking about the years of relying on Izzy and having him do his dirty work, with very little thanks).

This! This! This! I also want to reiterate very strongly that we never see Edward actually tell Izzy what he wants. He says he wants to retire and he's going to kill Stede and take his place, but when he changes his mind he never actually says, "Izzy, I'mma be honest with you mate, I love Stede and I want you in my life too but I don't want to kill him, and I don't want to be Blackbeard anymore. I want a change." Or whatever way Edward would say those things.

Edward communicates with Izzy zilch, which honestly I think is probably how things have always gone. Edward half kills some guy then goes, "Oh, Izzy?" and walks off and it's up to Izzy to finish it off. One of his crew members does something? He scoffs and scowls and that means Izzy has to handle it. Izzy has had to learn to fill in all those spots that Edward can't or won't, and that's what he's doing throughout the show, but he hasn't yet been told that Edward actively wants these changes.

Hell, I'm willing to say that he thinks Edward is becoming not just something Izzy can't recognize but something Edward actively abhors. You don't tell someone to toughen up and kill their own dog because you like softies. Which begs the question of how much time Edward has spent actively trying to toughen up his crew and remove any soft sides, just to turn entirely into that soft side?

(Also, I'll be honest, I do not think that breakup robe!Edward should be his final form. He was not himself there either, and that's because he's so actively pretending that he's none of the kraken things that he was. He's almost imitating Stede, in a way, trying to hide his pain by being someone else. I imagine his final form will be someone very capable of violence, very capable of anger and being awful, but someone who also has a deeply soft side and cultivates a lot of love and trust from those around him, someone who will murder in defense of his loved ones, rather than just 'cause he can. Which, to me, is who he was when he was younger. He killed his father for hurting his mother, that's made abundantly clear, especially since we never see his father raise a hand against him.)

...they also had some tragic, traumatic back story shown on screen. Izzy didn't - do people think that means he doesn't have one? That he was just born like this, has always been like this for no reason? That isn't how humans work. Real or fictional.

Honestly yeah. I think that's likely what they think.

Which brings me right back to the fact Stede is very much an outlier. Oluwande says himself that him and Jim have no other choice. Do they think Izzy does? Who knows what his past is that led him to piracy, anger and repression at sea? Who knows what makes him so goddamn anxious about everything running Correctly?

And yes, I do read him as anxious. He hates the situation he's in because everything is wrong. Lucius won't do his job, no one does the things they need to do to run a ship, and he is actively seen as a villain in their lives by them when he tries to get them to be the crew of a pirate ship. He nearly got thrown overboard for making them work!

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!! I want them both to heal, and Stede too!! Stede has so much trauma he hasn't worked through that colors everything he does (as illustrated by the fact this middle-aged man is bogged down and smothered constantly throughout the first few episodes by memories of being what... ten?)

Not to mention that a forced arranged marriage cannot possibly be anything short of traumatic (cultural arranged marriage being very different and depending on the situation etc, I'm not talking about modern arranged marriages, I'm talking specifically about the type Stede and Mary were forced into, and even more specifically their marriage). I don't think either of them were abusive to one another, but being forced to have sex solely by society and those around you to make children? Especially if Stede is gay not bi (which I read him as; gay), that's so... awful? It's basically that both of them had to agree to their own rape, almost? It's a really complicated and horrible thing and god knows what Stede felt after having to do those things with her, especially if he knew she wasn't into it with him either.

Anyway I love your Izzy posts. Keep on keeping on. Sending this anon because I don't want my own haters haha.

Thank you so much for the message because it was GREAT and your own meta was downright excellent. If you ever feel like de-anoning, feel free to DM me! And here, have another Izzy post! lmao hope you enjoy it

#izzy hands #stede bonnet #edward teach #ofmd #ofmd meta #ask #anonymous

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