#i didn't even know until last week that

[killa-trav]

absolutely crazy that travis had to pay well over a million usd just for his family and taylor n her family to watch him at the super bowl wtfff

[callonpeevesie]

The Kiss but it's mailee

@maileeweek day 7: free day

[seaofreverie]

I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all

[trekkiehood]

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[yourelocaltransdude]

Random question time that I'm confused about

[watercolor-hearts]

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[the-obnoxious-sibling]

The verb shanks uses being also break up/divorce is sending me. I’m going to be delulu and decide it is what Oda meant. Buggy burned their wedding certificate. /joking

Btw if you ever feel need to talk about buggy just go for it, it was one of the best analysis I saw recently on this site. /genuine

Where were you hiding all those years I needed you/joking

(context for the divorce comment)

the joke usually goes that the person burning the marriage certificate thinks it's like a receipt and now their partner can't get rid of them... of course buggy knows it's much more like a product registration form, and without it shanks can't get any of the support promised in the warranty!

& thank you!! people have been so very kind in their response to my thoughts! i don't have anything new and buggy-specific to say at the moment, i'm afraid—i have fic ideas, but i think we may be at the point where i need more material to read before i can generate meta without someone prompting me—though i did just find some buggy meta that was posted not long after 1082 came out that melted my brain a little. that should be coming out of my queue in a week or so!

[wheresmynaya]

So I finished reading my first caitvi fic Run at the Cup and it was glorious🥹there's a special place for writers who can write a hockey fic so well that I (with very limited hockey knowledge) start following said sport.

[guinevereslancelot]

not "i can do better" or even "i deserve better" per se, because i can't really believe that, but an inexplicable third reason i won't settle for a relationship where my level of care, effort, and sacrifice isn't reciprocated <3

[adore-gregor]

🤞

[keeps-ache]

okay i'm out of evil mode. peace love and a little bit of still-tired on planet earth lol 🧃

[brinnanza]

nothing like lukewarm domino's pizza to make you feel appreciated as an employee

had to go to a 'mandatory all hands meeting' at work which turned out to be team building in disguise. I ABHOR team building. I do not want to socialize with the other departments. I make 14 dollars an hour to watch the occasional kid, and I'm only doing that because I need to pay my credit card bill or they will turn it off and if that wasn't bad enough on it's own, I walked rather than driving (mostly so I could hit my pen on the way and arrive to this bullshit with a buzz) and by the time I arrived, hungry because they promised pizza, I was having Thee worst pots flare up and I couldn't even LEAVE because I needed the salt and the calories to calm the pots flare so I COULD walk home like i straight up couldn't stand for more than like thirty seconds before I had to sit down or fall down.

also!! because it was all hands!! everyone gets paid for it BUT at their default rate which means the fucking directors and instructors that make much much more than my measly 14 an hour get paid their base rate for the exact same waste of time like damn for $21 bucks and a couple slices of pizza I could have stayed home and posted some titty pics on reddit. AND ALSO they're gonna be doing these motherfuckers regularly and we're obligated to go to two a year like I switched to childcare so I WOULDN'T have to work outside my assigned hours like I'm trying to stay under 20 hours so the government will give me some money for my slow blood like kjshdfkjghfkjhg SCREAMS

[maddy-ferguson]

talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

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[sysig]

Still normal don’t even worry about it (Patreon)