#i did take a lot of advanced english classes back in the day but like

[cerealmonster15]

HANG ON

STEVEN KING SAID THAT????? girl. what da hell.

[dovveri]

strangers

synopsis: trainee life is a lot tougher than you thought, but with three other trainees you met along the way, you have a little more hope that it’ll all be worth it in the end.

warnings: bad eating habits, mentions of vomiting and self-induced vomiting, swearing, suggestive, TOE-SUCKING, alcohol and parties, lots of feelings and trainee life angst

w/c: 19.2k !!!!! why is this like half of my entire bachelorette series jeezus

a/n: requested!! i actually dont fill reqs this quick but i had the idea alr and i lwk love writing poly i just think its so much messier and more confusing and FUN so writing this came a lot easier than writing other reqs do. also u lwk only have to read half of this and be happy yippee happily ever after OR u can potentially hurt urself and enjoy the angst but idk it’s not THAT bad so 🤗

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

“y/n?”

you blink, tilting your head up from your hiding spot under the table in the recording studio. it’s nayeon, one of the korean trainees. you hurriedly wipe your eyes on your sleeve, stumbling upwards and almost knocking your head on the bottom of the table.

“s-sorry. were you using this room? i’ll get out now-“

“no no! it’s okay i was just going to get some practice in and i saw you. are you… are you okay?” you appreciate her speaking slower for you, your grasp of korean still wasn’t the best.

“y-yeah i’m fine. i’ll just- leave you to it- sorry again-“

“are you sure? today’s actually my day off so i don’t have to be doing anything. i’m happy to just listen if you want…?”

you gulp, avoiding her gaze, nayeon was one of the trainees that everyone knew would most likely make it. you didn’t see much of her because she was always off on side jobs filming as a background dancer for music videos, booking small modelling gigs, and she was generally in more advanced classes than yours and was even set to debut in a group with a few others before the idea was scrapped. she was steadily making a name for herself even before the public knew her, something you couldn’t help but be envious of. but here she was, offering to listen to you of all people.

“i- um-“

“it’s okay. you can take your time.” she smiles sweetly, “i tried to take a few english classes but it’s a lot more difficult than i thought it’d be. so i can understand how hard it must be to come to a different country and learn a whole new language.”

“t-thank you. i was just um- i was actually just thinking about calling home and… and quitting.”

she nods, eyes filled with empathy, waiting for you to continue.

“i just- don’t think i can make it. there’s so many talented people here and this has always been my dream but i’m just not good enough and i don’t even- it doesn’t even make sense for me to be here when i could be back home getting an education or i don’t know- doing something with my life.”

“you don’t think what you’re doing now is something?”

you sigh, gripping your arm firmly, "it- it is but i don't know if it's all going to work out in the end."

"and you think going back home and going to school will guarantee things working out for you?"

"well- i- no, not for certain but-"

"so isn't the only difference that you actually want to do this? you don't want to end up working an office job for the rest of your life right?"

"but- like i'm more likely to get an office job than i am to debut-"

"i'm sure the office jobs will wait for you. idol life won't. if you don't make it, then the office job will always be there right? it's up to you though, i'm not trying to convince you to stay or leave, i just think it's a shame when you have a real chance at getting what you've dreamt of your whole life. you were scouted weren't you? did you know i auditioned to get in? and i had to hide it from my family because they didn't think this was a realistic job prospect, not when i was still in high school. so if you think you don't belong here, just remember you beat out other auditionees to get your spot as a trainee here, so you were good enough for that." she smiles brightly, her two protruding front teeth proudly on display, giving her the adorable likeability to a rabbit.

her words bring you back from the edge of panic, you've always looked at her through a lens of jealousy, wishing you had as much natural talent and star power as she did, but right now, you could see she was so much more than that, and you respected her for it, admired her for it.

"thank you nayeon." you finally meet the older girl's eyes, and her smile grows even brighter.

"of course. do you have any training schedules to get to right now? or do you want to stay here and practice some vocal chords with me?"

"would that be okay?" your eyes widen at her offer.

"yes! don't be silly y/n i know we're all meant to be competing or whatever but we're most likely going to debut in a group right? we can't just be out for each other's throats all the time."

you smile, finding her attitude refreshing, most of the trainees you had met were exactly like that, and you felt even more isolated when it was obvious they made no effort to get to know you because of the language barrier, to them, it was just another advantage they had over you.

"c'mon. let's see what you got."

your motivation reinvigorated, you spend the rest of the afternoon cooped up in the recording studio with nayeon, practicing together but also joking around and laughing, being the kids you were in an industry that stripped you of that freedom.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

"これの読み方を知っていますか?"

"いいえ、私は愚かです."

you shuffle uncomfortably in your seat, unable to shake the insecurity that they were talking about you. you were currently in your intensive korean class, waiting for the teacher to appear. the class was mostly quiet, except for the two girls sitting a table away from you, whispering and laughing, pushing each other around playfully.

when you glance towards them again, one of them meets your eye. you panic, whipping your head back down to your open textbook.

the girl who saw you whispers something to her seatmate, nodding towards you, bringing the other girl's attention to you as well.

you strain to see what they're doing in your peripheral vision, but the little giggles and whispers have you shrinking in even more on yourself, thinking they were making fun of you for whatever reason.

you don't notice when the one who spotted you first is suddenly standing next to you. she waits for you to acknowledge her, but when you don't she giggles again, leaning down and tilting her head so you had to look at her.

"hi. my name sana. you?"

"y-y/n."

"y/n? nice to meet you! that momo." she steps back a little and points at the other girl who waves shyly at you. you stare back at her, dumbfounded, reciprocating her wave.

"you... korean good?"

you blink, unsure of what to say, "umm... it's okay i guess."

sana grins, all teeth, almost blinding you, running back to her seat and picking up her textbook, skipping back towards you and plopping down in the empty seat next to you. she points at the page, "how to do?"

you look down to the question she has circled, it was part of the homework set from the last lesson. you flick back to that page in your own textbook, showing her and trying to explain with gestures what it was asking.

when it clicks, that blinding smile graces her features again, her eyes lighting up and quickly scribbling down the answer. then she turns to momo who seemed to be doodling little drawings all over her workbook instead of studying.

"モモリ馬鹿野郎 ! これがあなたのやり方です."

you shrink back into your seat, thinking she was done with you, only needing you to help her with her homework, and now that she was done, she could go back to making fun of you.

but instead, momo looks over curiously, standing up and hovering over the two of you. sana starts talking in rapid japanese, her hands flailing around excitedly.

momo nods along, and then she seems to get a moment of realisation, her eyebrows raising and mouth opening in the shape of an o, an "ahh!" escaping her.

sana looks back to you, "thank you! you so smart!"

you still don't really follow their conversation but you nod, shyly rubbing the back of your neck, "it's okay."

"we sit here?"

"sorry?"

sana frowns, an adorable pout forming on her lips, thinking over how to say what she wants. then she grabs momo's hand, gesturing between the both of them, "friends!", then she grabs your hand, gesturing between the three of you now, "friends?"

your hand is sweaty against sana's, you take note of how soft it feels against yours, heart stumbling a little over itself. you nod sheepishly, not expecting sana to grin, pulling you into a hug immediately.

momo goes to grab her things, and then settles into the seat on your other side, "sorry for her. she very huggy."

sana pouts, flicking momo's forehead playfully after she pulls away from you, "you like it too."

momo giggles, rolling her eyes.

things were moving so fast your brain was playing catch up. you knew the people here were a lot more affectionate than back home, but you still felt your heart racing from being in such close proximity with sana, and now momo too, the both of them squeezed against you and conversing lightly in broken korean and japanese while waiting for the teacher. it wasn't unwelcome though, this was the first time someone had asked you in such a straightforward way to become friends, it was refreshing, definitely better than the trainees in your vocal and dance classes who refused to interact with you at all.

when the teacher finally comes, he looks a little surprised at the change in seating, but doesn't comment on it, diving straight into the lesson.

sana and momo both try their best to keep up, sana remains fully engaged in the lesson, asking plenty of questions, while momo is the opposite. she's easily distracted, when the teacher goes on one of his off topic rants, she starts doodling in her textbook again, you repress a laugh at the stick men she drew frolicking around in fields with rainbows and stars. you can't help yourself but bring your pen to her page, adding a little deranged dog to her drawing.

she looks at you in surprise, but lets you finish, giggling at the result and drawing in some fur for the dog, fixing up your sorry attempt at a puppy.

the class finishes uneventfully after that. momo yawns, closing her book with relief while sana stretches, standing up and grinning down at the both of you.

momo looks at her warily, squinting, "what?"

"what?"

"you have not good look on your face. what you do?"

"what do you mean momoring?" sana's grin only grows wider.

"i don't want to get in trouble again."

"you woooon't. what you think y/n? want to sneak out get fried chicken and beer?"

momo groans, slumping down on her desk, muttering to herself in japanese while sana laughs at her reaction.

you look between the both of them, raising an eyebrow. you knew you shouldn't, but you hadn't had real food in so long, the company's strict diet and weight requirements always on all of your minds. and you hadn't really gone out and explored korea since you arrived. you'd pretty much been confined to the dorms and the company building, eating cafeteria food and living the same routine everyday, you knew the korean trainees would often get together after late night practices and have small gatherings the company wouldn't know about, but you were never invited to those.

you grin cheekily, "you have a plan?"

sana laughs, pulling you up to stand, hugging you once again in glee, "yay!! i knew we good friends! of course, it's not the first time momoring and i have snuck out." she pulls away with a wink.

momo grumbles behind you, slowly standing up as well, "last time you got us caught you said we were helping 'clean the streets'. stupid. we had extra exercise requirements for two weeks."

"we won't get caught this time! i promise! and if we do i pay for all our food."

momo perks up at that, eyeing sana, then holding out her pinky.

sana giggles, linking their pinkies and then dragging momo by their pinkies, and you by your hand out of the classroom and back towards the dorms to get ready.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

"sana- move!" momo grunts, shuffling around in clothes too big for her, a cap that dipped over her eyes, and a mask to hide her face.

"shh! you're gonna get us caught!"

"no you are!"

"okay they're gone let's go." sana slinks forward in similar attire, careful to avoid the security cameras, flapping a sleeve behind her frantically to gesture the both of you to follow. momo glances at you, rolling her eyes but smiling, tiptoeing forward and following sana.

you're body is surging with adrenaline. you had always been a 'good' kid. you've never tried sneaking out of anywhere before. you were also trying to hold in your laughter at how stupid the three of you must look, the sunglasses covering your eyes while indoors and at 9pm at night glazing your vision.

you make it halfway across the main entrance, almost to the exit, hands shoved in your pockets.

"... y/n?"

you pause, heart pounding. the two in front of you stop as well, sana looks back at you in alarm.

you decide the best course of action is to pretend you didn't hear them. after all, they couldn't be sure you were yourself right now right? the absurd disguises made sure of that. you take another step forward.

"y/n what are you wearing? you look like vector from despicable me."

curse sana for lending you that naruto cosplay. you forgot how visible your disguise was.

you turn on your heel slowly, terribly embarrassed to have been discovered like this, mind scrambling to come up with an excuse for what the three of you were doing.

but you're stopped in your tracks when you realise who was teasing you with a wide grin, two front teeth on display. she laughs when she finally sees you, it's loud and bright, it'd scare you away if you hadn't already heard it plenty of times from her when she had found you in the practice room that day.

"you look so stupid. wait-" she whips out her phone, and before you can protest, she snaps a quick picture, laughing at her phone after checking the result.

"nayeonn!"

"i can't believe you tried to sneak out wearing that."

you pout, crossing your arms protectively over yourself, "i wasn't trying to sneak out!"

she raises an eyebrow, "yeah and i'm not gorgeous." she jokes sarcastically, before peeking over your shoulder and nodding behind you, "and who are those two losers behind you?"

you turn, taking off your ridiculous sunglasses and waving to let them know you were fine and to join you. sana tilts her head curiously, moving back towards you, tugging along momo who takes off her cap, blowing her hair out of her face.

"oh! you're the japanese duo that came here on the same day! i'm sorry i don't remember your names but i saw you dance and you were incredible." she directs the last part at momo, who blushes at the compliment, nodding and hiding behind her hair. sana grins though, bowing down and bringing momo down with her.

"i'm sana! this is momo!"

"nayeon. it's nice to meet you both." nayeon smiles sweetly, bowing as well and gesturing for them to stand up. "where were you guys headed?"

"chicken and beer! you want to come?" sana quips happily, excited to meet anyone new.

"how were you guys going to get beer?" nayeon jokes with a smirk.

sana tilts her head confusedly, she looks adorable in the clothes that drown her.

"you're all underage right?"

sana looks to you in confusion, not seeming to understand what underage meant.

"ah- none of us are 18..." you gesture to the three of you.

sana makes a sound of exclamation, not having thought about that particular detail.

nayeon laughs brightly, finding the japanese girl's antiques endearing. "good thing you have me then! c'mon. i know the best place as well, and no one from the company will go around there so we won't get caught." she winks, pulling a mask and cap out of her jacket pocket and slipping it on.

you blink, surprised at the change in events.

nayeon shrugs, "always gotta be ready if we're training to be idols right?" you can see the smirk in her eyes, before she charges forward without an answer and leads the four of you into the night.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

your shoulder hurt.

there's another bout of laughter, you flinch, preparing yourself.

sure enough, nayeon's large hands come clapping down on your arm, you wince, trying to smile your way through the sting of each slap.

it doesn't help when sana realises why you look constipated, cracking up even more pointing at you with a hand over her mouth, which makes nayeon laugh again for absolutely no other reason than that you were all wasted.

"nayeonnie calm down- you're going to kill y/n-" sana chokes out between giggles.

nayeon blinks, looking at you, face brightly flushed. she pouts, leaning in close, "what did i do?"

you flush even brighter, blaming the alcohol and not the way nayeon's eyes are glued to your lips, squinting and trying to focus on one part of your face only with her wobbly vision. you push her off of you gently, rubbing at your shoulder with a grimace, "you hit people when you're drunk.""

nayeon coos, chasing after you, "awwwwwh did i hurt you? poor baby. here lemme kiss it better." nayeon purses her lips together, pushing her face towards you while you whine and laugh, trying to push her away.

sana pipes up at the word, "kiss? who are we kissing? i wanna kiss!"

momo snorts, playing around with the bottle cap of the soju you had gotten to after you had all decided the beer wasn't enough. her face is probably the most flushed of you all, but she was also probably the most sane of you all currently. "don't you kiss enough?"

sana whines, poking momo's cheek, "no! you don't let me! c'mere-" she leans forward, tickling momo's sides, trying to get her to let her defenses down and land one on her. momo laughs, pushing sana off, scrambling away in urgency.

you aren't faring much better, but then you get an idea, "sanaaa! kiss nayeon! she's trying to get me!"

sana turns to you both, and she's never one to turn down a kiss so she leans across the table, yanking nayeon's head towards her and pulling her away from you. but what surprises you is when she plants a sloppy kiss right on the eldest's lips.

you look at momo, expecting to see a similar look reflected, but she rolls her eyes, calmly picking up the bottle and bringing it to her lips again to take a sip.

they break away with a smack, exaggerated on sana's end who giggles and licks her lips, grabbing the bottle from momo and taking a sip as well.

nayeon blinks, her brain seeming to catch up with her body 2 seconds late. when she realises what happens, she stands up abruptly with a screech, her metal chair scraping against the floor in pain. you wince at the sound, but laugh when you catch her face, now brighter than momo's, hand over her mouth in shock. sana and momo easily join you, cackling as nayeon flails around, sounds coming out of her mouth in incoherent phrases.

it seems the shop owner has had enough of the four of you though.

"yah! out! all of you! bedtime! 2am now! go go!" you all continue laughing as you're ushered out of your seats. you're all too drunk to notice the way the shop owner has fondly been watching you for the last few hours, cleaning around and keeping her shop open later than she normally opens, recalling the days she was young and stupid as well. she shouts at you while she pushes you out the door, but she also shoves a plastic bag of takeaway chicken into your hands as she pushes you out, telling you all to go home and not to cause too much trouble at this time of night.

you all laugh and thank her, sana even goes to kiss her cheek, cooing at how adorable she was in her apron and wrinkles.

when you've finally calmed down and take in the chill air of the night sky, you shiver a little, the alcohol sloshing around in your body not enough to keep you warm.

momo sidles up next to you, linking your hands together easily and pulling you against her.

you grin at her, tightening your grip around her hand that she's shoved into the warm pocket of her jacket pocket.

the peace is quickly disrupted when nayeon sends a stumbled kick your way from behind you. she misses though, tripping over herself and almost falling face-flat onto the ground save for sana hooking onto her waist quickly, pulling her back up with a laugh.

nayeon wraps an arm around sana's shoulder, thanking her for the support. "yah. you two. kiss. i can't be the only one who had to kiss someone today."

sana pouts, "why do you say that like you didn't like it?"

nayeon sputters, squinting up at sana from her slouched position, her weight almost entirely leaning on sana, "no i didn't- i didn't mean it like- no but- ugh-"

sana giggles, shuffling around so she can accommodate nayeon better.

momo turns her head, "no way loser. you two only kissed because you're both so kissy."

"what does that even mean?!"

"sana kisses everyone when she's drunk. and you're just as bad nayeon. i don't know how you can go drinking with just one person. you need at least 2 or 3 to hold you up when you get drunk." momo teases, sticking out her tongue.

"respect your elders you little shit!"

you all laugh at that, nayeon may have gotten you all drinks but she wasn't that much older than you. and she looks hilarious bringing a fist up in the air and waving it around like a little angry old lady, too much spite in too little a body, it was cute.

"wait... so the only one i haven't kissed yet is y/n?"

you freeze, ready to make a run for it at the earliest sign of danger.

nayeon grins, pushing sana off of her and towards you, "let's change that!"

your eyes widen, legs tensing up, ready to rush forward, you pull your intertwined hands out of momo's pocket. but right as you're about to take off, momo smirks, yanking you backwards and spinning you around until you're met with the soft, ready lips sana has wating for you.

"mmf-!"

your eyes are squeezed shut when momo spun you, terrified of falling onto your face, but now all you can feel is her hand still holding yours, sana's coming up to steady your hips, her lips pressing against yours gently.

all too quickly, she breaks away with a giggle, licking her lips again. it must be a habit.

you stare at her dumbly, mouth hanging open, lips tingling with the faint taste of strawberry soju.

nayeon has ended up on the floor without anyone supporting her, cackling loudly and pointing at your dumbfounded look.

momo stifles a few chuckles as well, her hand still wrapped tightly around yours.

sana simply smiles, closing your mouth with her hand, brushing a thumb over your jaw in the process, then tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

you flush up immediately, whipping around and staring at the floor, the tips of your ears bright red.

sana laughs, cooing, "awwwwh! you're so cute! look at her guys! she's blushing!"

"no!" you speak up indignantly, voice squeaky, "i'm just drunk!"

"you're more red than me!" momo joins in, trying to get a look at your face better with a laugh, her nose scrunching up in glee.

you whine, trying to pull away from her, but she doesn't let your hand go, so you end up pulling her along with you as you stomp forward, eager to get home and away from your teasing new friends.

sana laughs, running after you both.

that left nayeon, still on the floor in the middle of the street at 3am. "guys! hey guys! don't forget me! come back! hey- wait!"

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

the four of you grow easily close after that night. and it helps that by chance, you're all allocated into the same dorm room for the new year. it's definitely a surprise since nayeon was one of the company's top trainees, and the rest of you were foreigners and had only been around for about 2 months. you'd heard it was meant to help the three of you get better at korean, having to converse in korean daily with a korean roommate so that existing friends like sana and momo couldn't get away with just talking in japanese when they were in the comfort of their dorms. plus, it seemed both sana and momo were making a name for themselves amongst the trainees as well for their bubbly idol personality and raw talent respectively.

"how's this?" nayeon comes out of the bathroom and does a little twirl, her hair already curled and makeup applied dazzlingly. she's wearing a pretty silk white dress with little blue bows decorating it, matching the blue ribbons she's used in her hair.

sana squeals, immediately bounding upwards and poking at her. "it's so cute! when did you get this?!"

"the last family trip i went on! are you sure it's okay?" nayeon pouts.

but then momo yells out from behind her, still doing her eyeliner in your shared bathroom mirror, "you look fine stop digging for compliments."

sana laughs cheerily when nayeon sputters back at her, latching onto the older girl and pecking her cheek, "it's okay nayeonnie i don't mind. i'll praise you anytime you want." there's a slight lilt to her voice, she finishes with a wink.

nayeon blushes immediately, but tries to cover for it by turning to you. "y/n? what do you think?"

you roll your eyes from your spot on sana's bed, more focused on applying the dark blue nail polish on your hands. "it's pretty."

"just pretty?" you can hear the pout in her voice.

you sigh exasperatedly, looking up at her in mock annoyance. "you're gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, exquisite, glamorous, everyone at the party will have their eyes on you."

you can hear momo fake gag from the bathroom, and sana bursting into giggles. but nayeon crosses her arms, frowning, "you see when you list it out like that it makes it a little harder to believe."

"ugh nayeon! you look good! what more do you want from me!"

she laughs, leaning down to squish your cheeks together affectionately, "thanks darling, i love my little thesaurus."

you grumble, careful not to get the drying nail polish onto sana's sheets. sana comes back to her position next to you, grabbing your hands and starting to blow on your fingers.

"what time does the party start again?" momo yells out from the bathroom, slipping into her outfit for the night.

"like... 10 minutes ago but it's fine. no one interesting is gonna get there on time." nayeon squeezes in next to you as well, leaning her head on your shoulder.

"that's because you're only interested in yourself."

"hey! i can revoke my invite to all of you!"

"you wanted us to go because you'd be, quote, bored out of your mind with all those mindless prepubescent boys trying to get in your pants! besides, we all got our own invites anyway."

"what?! why didn't you tell me?!"

"you were so cute thinking you were doing us all a solid or something for inviting us." sana speaks up with a giggle, "we couldn't break that!"

"you couldn't sana! i wanted to tell her and shove it up her proud ass but you just love to watch cute girls fumble around don't you?"

sana giggles again, going back to blowing on your nails.

but then momo steps out of the bathroom, clad in a very short bodycon dress, her makeup and hair fully done, the dress cutting open at her midriff showing off toned abs, pretty gold necklace decorating her neck, outlining her collarbones and the plunging neckline that pretty much ended at her belly button, tying together the cutout.

the three of you all stare at her, eyes roaming over the mass of skin, mouths open in... shock.

sana licks her lips slowly, eyes not bothering to meet her best friend's again, "you look... good."

momo smirks, imitating what's meant to be nayeon, "just good?"

nayeon bristles then, snapping out of her stupor, "shut up momo. don't you think you're... showing a bit too much skin?"

momo starts looking around for her shoes, bending over criminally with her back to you all, it's almost comedic how all three of your gazes lock onto her ass immediately. "this is nothing compared to some of the outfits they put us in when we do our showcases. besides, it's not like you can talk." she snorts, turning back around with heels in hand, her smirk never leaving her face as she watches the three of you, knowing exactly what you were doing.

"yeah but you'll... get cold."

"it's an indoor party."

"shut up!"

she laughs, standing back up after slipping into her shoes, "okay! ready to go?"

you gulp, standing up shakily, forcing you to look at her face and not ogle your friend's very attractive body. "y-yeah. took you all long enough."

"you finished practice earlier than us, you had more time to get ready. now let's go losers."

she leads the charge out your tiny shared room, nayeon gets up and follows grumpily. you look back down to sana who's still got her gaze locked on the way both girls' hips sway with each step. you roll your eyes, poking sana and dragging her up with a laugh. sana lets you, her brain short-circuiting, only able to be tugged along.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

you honestly had no idea how a party of this scale went unnoticed by the company. there were so many trainees you recognised, and even a few idols that were lesser known to the public. it was at someone's house, you don't remember who's, but there was no way you could've gotten away with a party this size back at the dorms.

music was blasting, drinks were being circulated, people were dancing and grinding up against each other. it wasn't a surprise to see the amount of rowdiness going on, that's what happened when you force a bunch of teenagers to undergo strict training and diet regimes, and forbid anything that could get anyone into any sorts of controversies in the future in case you made it and got famous.

the four of you had naturally split up when you arrived, being pulled away by different friends and people wanting to greet you. you spot momo on the dance floor already, not that it was difficult to seperate her from everyone else. sure you were all trainees and went through mandatory dance class, but everyone knew momo was something else when it came to dance. she had an aura about her, one that made people back up and give her space, circling her on the crowded floor and watching in awe of her moves.

you can hear nayeon before you spot her. she's with jihyo and jeongyeon, two other trainees that she was set to debut with, and granted, was naturally close with. they were all top-notch trainees at the company, everyone knew of them, knew that the next group coming out of jyp would most likely include the three of them.

that left sana, someone people naturally gravitated towards. her adorable happy-go-lucky energy was infectious, it was impossible not to fall in love with her at first sight. she was currently surrounded by a crowd of people, laughing and smiling, face tinged with the pink of alcohol.

eventually, someone gets people together for a game of spin the bottle. you're all sitting in a big circle in a room away from the rest of the party, chattering excitedly with the buzz of liquors, an empty soju bottle laying in the middle of you all.

"okay party people! game time!" the original host of the party, jackson wang, saunters in with a charming grin, plopping himself down between mark and jeongyeon. "so i'm gonna assume we all know how spin the bottle works. and if you don't... well you'll find out! who wants to go first!"

everyone looks around at everyone, antsy, unwilling to go first. jackson rolls his eyes, "alright losers. guess it's me." he bends forward and spins the bottle. everyone watches with anticipation, breaths held.

it lands on one of the younger trainees, ryujin. she makes a face of disgust, cringing, but jackson ignores it, quickly swooping in and kissing her.

when they break away, ryujin quickly downs her cup of whatever concoction of alcohol she has, wiping at her lips and pushing him off of her playfully. jackson laughs, backing away and returning to his seat. ryujin goes forward, places her fingers on the bottle, then spins it.

again, you all wait in anticipation, eyes locked on the dizzying movement, until it slowly lands on bambam.

ryujin groans again, bambam looks like he just won the lottery. "nope! i'm not kissing one of you gross guys again, jackson tasted like he doesn't know what a toothbrush is. gimme a dare."

there are shouts of disapproval, but ryujin ignores them all, sitting on her haunches, unmoving.

"okay just because you made that totally untrue comment about my breath, i'll give you one worse than kissing bam." jackson looks around the room, thinking to himself, mark whispers something in his ear and they both snicker, "alright. suck someone's toes for 10 seconds."

"pfft is that meant to be a dare?" ryujin easily leans forward, pulling yeji's sock off and immediately wrapping her lips around her toe. yeji squeals, trying to pull her foot away but ryujin is persistent amongst everyone's hollering and cheering, counting down the seconds.

she finally breaks away with a laugh, making a show of licking her lips while yeji blushes, yelling at her and slapping her arm, shoving her drink into her hand and making her rinse out her mouth.

bambam shyly goes forward next, he spins the bottle, and it lands on nayeon. his eyebrows almost get lost in his hairline with how far up they go, his head shooting up and looking at nayeon who was leaning on jihyo heavily, still laughing at the whole ryujin-yeji situation.

his boys clap him on the back with a cheer, pushing him forward towards the older girl. nayeon blinks, turning her attention to him, realising he had spun her.

her eyes meet yours for a second, and then they flit around the room, landing on sana and momo respectively, it's so quick you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't already locked on her gaze.

bambam moves forward shyly, kneeling in front of her, unsure of what to do. she leans back a little as he comes closer, putting on an encouraging smile, looking up at him.

he takes a breath, then dives down, you can hear their teeth clacking as he accidentally goes in too aggressively, nayeon cringes, but tries to make up for it by tilting her head, pressing her lips against his, trying to urge him to slow down, but bambam moves almost too eagerly, like he's eating her up. in the end, nayeon has to gently push him off of her to get him to stop, he looks dazed as he collapses back in his spot, bright blush on his face all the way down to his neck. nayeon tries to look polite and laughs it off, moving forward and quickly spinning the bottle to move everyone along.

only for it land on momo.

"oh hell no." they both say simultaneously, blushing furiously and gaping at each other from across the circle. you catch sana's eye, supressing a laugh as you look between the two of them.

"dare! i pick dare!"

sana perks up, taking the opportunity immediately, "okay i dare you to kiss momo!"

the boys around the circle all laugh, agreeing with her energetically, starting up a chant. momo sends a death glare towards sana, who just sticks out her tongue at her, making an exaggerated kissy face mimicking momo and nayeon kissing.

with no choice, nayeon shuffles forward, crouching down in front of momo who can't look her in the eye.

"don't fall in love with me or anything hirai."

that gets momo to snort, meeting nayeon's equally nervous gaze, "as if i'll be able to think about anything other than getting rid of the taste of you-" she's cut off, nayeon leaning down to plant her lips on her in haste.

momo blinks at first in confusion, then she's closing her eyes and circling a hand around nayeon's neck, pulling her in just a little closer and returning the kiss. they ignore the roar of the crowd, nayeon thinks to herself how much better momo's lips felt against her own than bambam's teeth did.

that thought quickly rips her away though, scrambling backwards and wiping at her lips in mock disgust, laughing breathily with a pretty blush adorning her face.

momo looks on after her, her expression unreadable. after things settle down again, momo leans forward, spinning the bottle.

sana doesn't even give anyone the chance to think, sliding forward and into momo's lap, cupping her cheek and bringing their lips together. momo reacts automatically, hands circling sana's hips and slotting them together, like they've done this countless times in the past.

watching nayeon and momo kiss was silly, fun, but this, this was something different. you glance at nayeon, who has a hand at her lips, staring at sana and momo make out in front of everyone, eyebrows furrowed slightly. you look back, swearing you can see the hint of a pink tongue poke out from sana, momo's hands tightening around the other girl's hips in reaction, before sana finally breaks away. she stands up, sauntering back to her spot with a proud grin, people are cheering, throwing confetti, bowing down to her as if she just brought rain down in a drought. she thrives in the attention. momo on the other hand is breathing heavily, expression shielded behind her hair, biting her lip and clenching her thighs together.

sana does a round around the inside of the circle, giggling and skipping along in her little pink slip. she finally arrives back to her original spot, bending down and spinning the bottle.

it lands on one of the younger trainees, dahyun. sana smiles sweetly, crawling forward. she whispers a few words to dahyun, who nods shyly, breath picking up, then sana leans in, just pecking her before pulling away again. nothing like the kiss she shared with momo.

you decide you need a drink.

at this point in the night, the kitchen is thankfully much less chaotic. most people are playing the game, on the dance floor, or passed out around the house.

you spoon a ladle of the jungle juice that probably has ludicrous amounts of liquor in it into your cup, gulping it down thirstily. you don't know why you suddenly felt so stifled in that room, feeling hot even in the little cropped top and skirt you're wearing.

"y/n?"

you turn, of course it's your three roommates, all looking very concerned for you.

"hey. you okay?" sana comes up to you first, cupping your cheeks, placing the back of her hand on the front of your forehead.

you wave her off with a chuckle, "yeah i'm fine guys. why did you leave the game?"

"because you left." momo says simply, taking the cup you're still holding in your hand away from you, sniffing the contents.

"you didn't have to do that. i was just taking a water break."

"riiiight. water." momo raises an eyebrow unimpressively, pouring the rest of your drink down the sink nearby.

"i'm fine though seriously! you guys should get back to the game."

"you're not coming?" sana pouts.

"not really feeling it anymore."

"do you wanna go home?" nayeon speaks up then, coming forward to lean on sana's back, her face resting on sana's shoulder, looking up at you with wide eyes.

"what? no! you guys have fun. seriously, stop worrying about me i'm fine!"

"we can't have fun without you."

"i'm sure you can."

"no. we're not the four of us without you. we're just... the three of us." sana tilts her head like a confused puppy, her proximity to you making you dizzy, you're not sure if it's the alcohol, or the fact that she was so close, but you can only focus on her lips, which then remind you of the way her lips had been on momo's lips, that had been on nayeon's lips. yeah you were definitely a little more than dizzy.

"wooahh- too much to drink i think." momo sidles up next to you, catching your waist, and holding you up against her. she jokes, "didn't think you'd be the same kinda drunk as nayeon y/n. i don't know if we have enough personnel to take care of the both of you."

you groan, pushing yourself back onto your own two feet, leaning back against the kitchen bench, "don't compare me to that trainwreck."

"hey!"

you all laugh, sana's hands coming down to squeeze nayeon's that are around her waist, turning to peck her cheek.

"i'm getting tired anyway. let's go home."

"what? guys no- you don't have to do this for me- you can stay-"

"we're not doing this for you idiot. i wanna sleep too. i'm gonna be grumpy tomorrow morning if we don't get enough sleep and i have dance practice with jyp."

"you're always grumpy in the mornings momoring."

"no i'm not!"

"yes you are." nayeon quips.

"shut up or i'll kiss you again im."

that makes everyone pause, processing the words in their head. momo doesn't even seem to realise what she's said, staring fiercely back at nayeon, only focused on winning their little bouts of banter.

you all stand in the kitchen in awkward silence, looking nervously at each other, unsure of what to say.

eventually sana speaks up, laughing edgily. "are y/n and i interrupting something orr...?"

"what?! no?!" they both speak up, protesting loudly.

you laugh, trying to ease the tension that seems to have come out of nowhere. "i could've said that about you and momo sana. that was some kiss." that was probably not the right thing to say to ease the tension.

"that's nothing. sana and i kiss all the time." momo brushes you off, shrugging, but sana looks hurt at the her words.

"nothing?"

"wait what do you mean all the time?"

momo blushes, looking between sana and nayeon. but sana's easily emotional feelings, amplified by her intoxication, have her eyes watering, sending momo straight into panic mode. "wait no- that's not what i meant satang-"

"then what did you mean?" sana frowns, you weren't sure if she was genuinely angry now or still playing around.

"i don't- satang i'm stupid we know this i just say stupid shit- things just come out of my mouth i didn't mean it like that-"

"then in what way did you mean it momoring?" her tone is clipped, throat scratchy.

"satang this isn't fair-"

"what isn't?"

"c'mon- satang please-"

all of a sudden, sana lurches forward, pressing her lips against momo's, trapping her against the kitchen counter. nayeon falls onto you without sana holding her up, you quickly grab her waist, supporting her, but both your eyes move back to sana and momo quickly.

they're kissing for real this time, not like when they were putting on a show for everyone else during the game. and you're both close enough you can hear the wet smacks of lips against lips, the little gasps and whimpers, every breath they take in between each kiss. momo's hands have come up to tangle in sana's hair, pulling her closer, their bodies meeting and moving against each other like they were made for each other.

you squirm slightly under nayeon, hands gripping her waist tighter at the sight, the dizzy feeling from earlier returning full force. you try and force yourself to focus on something else, it was probably a bit weird, to be so close, staring as your two closest friends made out, but you couldn't bring yourself to look away, your gaze lidded at the rushed pace, tongues clashing and being sucked into mouths.

you can tell nayeon is feeling very similarly, her hot breath hitting your lips at a faster pace than normal, laboured with excitement.

there's a crashing sound from upstairs where they were playing the game, followed by loud whooping and cheering. it pops the bubble that's formed between the four of you. sana breaks away from momo, panting, hands having come in to hold onto the other girl's hips, pushing her into the bench further having squeezed their bodies together as close as possible.

"w-was that- nothing?" her voice comes out hoarse and in a whisper, still catching her breath.

momo can't speak, her eyes still tightly shut, shaking her head in response.

"then what was it?"

momo groans, knocking her forehead against sana's gently, "don't ask me that sana." her voice is also laced with shaky breaths.

"why not?"

"it's confusing. you know i can't handle thinking about that much."

"am i confusing?"

she shakes her head again, but then points to you and nayeon, drawing a circle between the four of you, "this is confusing."

that gives sana pause, thinking over the possible implications of momo's words, taking the chance to catch her breath. then she looks up to the both of you, her eyes dragging up from the way you're still clutching nayeon's waist tightly, before meeting yours. the eye contact sends shivers down your spine, even when her eyes leave yours to stare into nayeon's, you can still feel all your senses on alert, breath held, tensions at an all time high.

sana's head tilts again, considering the both of you. then, she seems to come to a decision, and she's just as quick as she always is.

before you realise it, her lips are on yours, hand cupping your cheek, the other wrapped around nayeon to keep her there.

it's nothing like that first kiss you shared weeks ago. that was a simple peck, there and gone. this time, sana's moving her lips against yours, fingers caressing your cheek, down to your neck, lips soft and wet, panting directly into your mouth.

momo forces her eyes open, staring at you and sana kiss with hooded eyes. hands coming back down to grip the bench behind her, knuckles almost turning white from how hard she was holding onto it.

sana breaks away from you, but without taking a breath, turns her head, and starts kissing nayeon.

nayeon is only slightly surprised, almost all her weight leaning on you, gripping the back of your top tightly, reciprocating sana's kiss with as much vigor as sana gives.

when they finally break apart, you're all still breathing heavily, looking between each other, tension surmounting, thousands of words unsaid.

it's nayeon that speaks up first this time. she whistles lowly, letting out a small chuckle, "so... that wasn't... nothing."

"no." momo agrees. their eyes meet.

sana rolls her eyes, getting impatient, "so do you two wanna fuck or do you wanna fight?"

neither of them protest this time, they don't even laugh it off, you can all feel the very real pressure in the air.

"dunno. i think i need a..." momo licks her lips, "another taste to know." then she leans forward, capturing nayeon's lips with her own, straight up moaning at the contact. your thighs clench together at the sound. all of this was getting too much for your dumb little drunk brain. you had been spectating more than you had been involved, and it'd be a lie if you said you weren't turned on by it all.

nayeon and momo's kiss is different from sana's kisses. they're both aggressive, fighting for dominance, their natural banter translated onto their lips, grunts and gasps, trying to one-up each other.

eventually, they break away, but momo transitions straight over to you.

"need to compare." she mumbles lowly before attaching her lips to yours. she's much more gentle with you, teasing your mouth open before dipping her tongue inside, you whine against her, hips moving of their own accord when they grind up into nayeon who's still leaning on you for support.

you hear nayeon swear under her breath, regaining some of her drunk-addled consciousness to grip your hips roughly to stop you from doing that again. but that's the end of her control, she leans in, close enough so momo and you can both hear her, just inches away from your mouths moving against each other.

"my turn."

momo obliges, breaking away from you, only for nayeon to latch on. you can still hear momo's rough breathing next to your ear while your lips start moving against nayeon's, once again, with a completely different kissing style to momo and sana. she's slow and languid, pressed against your lips until you're just about to be out of breath, before breaking away and coming back in. she finishes with a little kitten lick on your upper lip, you whine, pushing your hips against her hands as she growls, pushing you back into the counter.

sana's spent the entire time watching all of you, having enough time to even pour herself another much needed drink. she swirls around the contents of her cup, downing it and speaking up again. "home?"

"home." you all unanimously agree.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

you wake up hazily with a pounding headache, vision blurred, mouth dry.

you squeeze your eyes shut again, the dim brightness of the room too much for you. you reach blindly for your glasses that should be next to your pillow on the top bunk of the bunk bed you share with sana. instead, your palm comes colliding with something that most definitely was not your glasses.

your eyes shoot open, squinting and trying to focus, as the person you've hit groans.

"10 more minutes."

"...momo?"

momo groans again, burying her face into the pillow you're sharing, hair messily coming to cover her eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

suddenly, memories of last night come flying back to you. you look down alarmingly, lifting the blanket slightly to find yourself very naked, with an equally naked momo curled around you, arm thrown lazily over your side, legs intertwined.

you also realise that this was not your bed. you were on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed opposite the one you shared with sana, this was nayeon's bed. now even more confused, you slowly turn your body, trying your best to not disturb momo who mumbles something while you shuffle around the bed, before pulling you closer into her.

the sudden feeling of her chest now pressed against your bare back surprises you, even though you knew you were both naked. you try your best to not think about it, squinting to look around the room for where nayeon could be if you were in her bed.

you didn't have to look far though, cuddled up on sana's bed right opposite you, is sana and nayeon. and you'd bet they were in the same state of undress you and momo were.

your heart rate picks up as you recall the events of last night. you hadn't exactly done a lot of talking. as soon as you got home, you were all over each other, somehow, you had made the limited space, and the fact that not all four of you could fit on one little bunk bed work for all of you. your thighs tingle with the memory, a blush adorning your face.

eventually, it's sana that wakes up first, turning in her bed and blinking at you slowly.

you let her come to her senses, your eyes drifting down to where the blanket has fallen in her movement, breath catching at the sight of her pretty naked chest moving up and down slowly with each breath.

sana doesn't mind the attention, she never has, she yawns, stretching unabashedly, revealing more of herself, sitting up and letting the blanket fall to her waist. "morning." she grumbles out, her voice scratchy and deep with fatigue.

you gulp, unable to tear your eyes away from her, "morning."

nayeon whines as sana moves, slowly waking up as well, her arm curled around sana's thighs, trying to keep her still.

sana reaches around and pulls an oversized shirt on, patting her hair down. you're not sure if you're thankful or mournful she's covered up.

"what time is it?" nayeon's voice speaks up, laced with the same hoarse tiredness you're sure you all have right now.

sana picks up her phone on the bedside table next to her bed, you're not sure where yours is. "6."

"too early. come back to bed."

sana giggles then, putting her phone back down and running a hand through nayeon's hair. "don't you have a schedule to get to later?"

"yeah later."

"... we should talk anyway." she's strangely serious, normally the most energetic of you all, even in the mornings. it gets nayeon to look up, hair messy, squinting, placing her chin on sana's thigh.

sana smiles at the sight, you find nayeon's glasses next to her bed, reaching to hand it over.

sana murmurs her thanks, stretching out to grab it from you and gently placing it over the eldest's eyes. she looks adorable.

"how long have you been awake?" nayeon directs the question to you, finally able to see you were awake and looking at the two of them.

you smile, "not that long."

"is momo...?"

"still asleep."

"should we wake her?"

"she's not gonna like that."

"she needs to get up in a bit anyway. she has practice with jyp later remember?"

in agreement, you turn in your spot again, smiling at the sight of momo, mouth hanging open slightly, black hair framing her face. hesitantly, you nudge her shoulder. there's no response, so you nudge her again, a little harder. she groans, grabbing your hand and interlacing your fingers, "10 more minutes."

you giggle, "you said that 10 minutes ago."

she mumbles incoherently, drifting back into sleep.

you roll your eyes, nudging her again, except she doesn't respond. so you resort to different measures, your other hand that isn't being held captive by her, sneaks down between the two of you, and you start tickling her sides.

she squirms, blinking, waking up, whiny and giggly.

"s-stop- stop y/n- stop- i'm up i'm up!"

there's laughter from behind you as well, and momo sits up, pushing your hands away to stop you from your attack. not that she needed to, your eyes focused on something else as soon as the covers left her body. but of course, she bumps her head on the bunk, yelping, and cradling the top of her head, her hangover only worsening.

"okay okay guys- before we talk- i'm gonna need all of you to put on some clothes." you speak up, eyes still staring at momo's chest, almost drooling over her.

momo raises an eyebrow, before she shoves her chest into your face, rolling on top of you and squishing you.

"wha- momo- hey! no- mmf-"

you can hear everyone laughing as momo gets her revenge, pulling on the back of your neck while pushing out her chest, squeezing your face in between her breasts.

she finally breaks away once she's had enough, grinning and plucking a shirt down from her bunk on the top bed, pulling it loosely over her body.

"there. better?" she's kneeling on top of you, legs on both sides of your torso, shirt just long enough to reach past her top thighs. you gulp, eyes trained on the skin of her legs. momo rolls her eyes, pulling her shirt down a little more, coughing to get your attention.

your eyes snap back up to her with a blush.

she grins, leaning down easily and pecking you, rolling off of you again with one leg still thrown over your legs and cuddling into your side.

"morning losers."

"you're inconceivable momo."

"where'd you learn that word from? my ass?"

nayeon blushes, digging into sana's thighs. "throw me a shirt you little gremlin."

"get it yourself."

"you're on my bed!"

momo blinks, looking down at herself, finally coming to realise her surroundings. "oh."

sana laughs, pulls a shirt from under her bed and hands it to nayeon, "just borrow one of mine for now."

"sana i just got one for her!"

"give it to y/n."

"you just wanted to see her in your clothes."

"so?"

momo grumbles, handing the shirt she had grabbed for nayeon to you, helping you pull it on, hand skimming over the skin of your side and stomach.

“so…” you cough awkwardly, squirming under momo’s fingers that have stayed beneath your shirt, drawing random shapes into your skin.

“wait why do we need to talk?” she speaks up, leaning on her elbow, face on her palm looking across the room.

sana laughs, “is it simple for you now momoring?”

“is what simple?”

“i love your brain you idiot.”

“huh?” momo looks as confused as ever, too early to be thinking about anything.

sana takes a breath, gripping nayeon’s hand, “i like you. all of you.”

momo blinks, “we like you too.”

“i don’t want to kiss mina the way i kiss you momoring.”

“oh.” momo looks at sana, thinking, “but don’t you kiss everyone?”

sana laughs again, “is that what you think of me?”

she shrugs, “we kiss all the time.” she quickly corrects herself, not wanting to make the same mistake as last night, “and it doesn’t mean nothing. i’m sorry for saying that last night.”

the younger smiles, appreciates the effort, “you’re right. i kiss you all the time. no one else. i think you just get too dazed to notice anything else after we kiss.”

nayeon snorts, laughing loudly.

“what about dahyun last night?” you speak up, recalling the whispered words sana said to the younger trainee.

“we were playing spin the bottle. nayeonnie doesn’t like bambam even though she kissed him right?”

nayeon’s laughs turn into coughs very quickly, “absolutely the fuck not.”

“i was just making sure dahyunnie was okay with me kissing her, i told her it’d be really quick and i wouldn’t kiss her like i did momo. you don’t have to be jealous y/n.” she teases.

you whine, “i wasn’t!! i was just curious…”

“wait… is that why you left the game early last night?”

you feel your cheeks heat up, refusing to acknowledge the question.

“y/n!”

“what!”

“you should’ve told us! or me.”

“no way. i didn't even know what i was feeling. i just needed to get some air."

"will you tell us next time?"

"next time what?"

"next time you feel anything. even if you don't know what the feeling is."

you smile, pulling momo's hand that was creeping dangerously higher out from under your shirt, and interlocking your fingers, "yes. i will. i like you all too."

"blegh."

you and sana both look at nayeon with a frown.

"what?" she asks simply, crunching her nose up.

"nerd." sana pushes nayeon off her thigh, rolling her eyes.

"i'm not good with feelings!"

"get better with them then because i'm not dating an emotionless narcissist."

nayeon perks up, ignoring the insult, "we're dating?"

sana blushes, "i don't know. do you guys want to?"

"i do." you offer sana a reassuring smile, she's been leading the conversation this whole time and it took a lot of courage to do that. "momo, nayeon?"

"i don't think anything changes between us. except we all get to kiss and have sex whenever we want right?"

"momo!" you slap her hand lightly, she snickers.

"yeah. i'm pretty happy with that."

you all turn your gazes to nayeon.

she rolls her eyes, "as long as i get to top momo."

"just try it!"

"i will!"

you spend the rest of the morning, laughing, cuddling, doing things you'd always do together, but now with more freedom and less confusion.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

sometimes, you wish you had a different dream. a lot of the time really.

it hasn't been a good week. monthly trainee evaluations were coming up, and everyone could feel the pressure. there were rumours running around that jyp was preparing a survival show to debut the next girl group, and he was in the midst of picking trainees to participate, so everyone was on edge more than ever.

the one who had it the worst was momo.

you wince, curling in on yourself, knees to your chest, head resting on your knees, while you listen to your girlfriend dry heave in the bathroom.

nayeon's pacing around the room, obviously agitated, wishing she could do something to help. sana was in practice, you knew how hard she was working recently, she didn't need to worry about anything more right now.

"-stupid fucking trainers. they're all fucking blind she doesn't need to lose weight. they're gonna fucking kill her fuck-"

the bathroom door creaks open. both you and nayeon's heads snap towards it immediately.

nayeon rushes forward, holding momo up, caressing her cheek, brushing hair out of her face.

momo looks pale as a ghost. she's trembling, exhausted, you can barely stand to look at her without breaking down in tears. she knows. she knows how you all felt about her. so even when she's suffering the most, she still manages to crack a joke, "you care about me now im?"

"shut up momo. this isn't the time for that. you should lie down."

momo groans weakly, "can't. need to go to the gym."

nayeon explodes then, "what?! you are not going to the fucking gym right now momo. look at yourself! you're dying!"

"you still think i'm hot though right?" she grins. it has none of her usual sparkle, no mischief, just white teeth and lips.

"shut up or i'll kill you before you kill yourself."

the younger girl shrugs, you can see her bones with the movement.

"don't go to the gym. you already haven't eaten anything for the last five days. you haven't even drunk water for the last five days."

"yeah and i've still got 2 and a half kilos to lose."

"you don't- you shouldn't have to do that! you're skinny enough! you're going to die before you lose that weight!"

momo takes a shaky breath, you're surprised when a tear escapes her eye. even the fact that her body still has enough water to cry, and her not being the type of person to cry much in the first place, especially in front of other people, is shocking enough. she can't hold herself up any longer, collapsing onto the bed next to you. you open your arms immediately, lowering your legs, adjusting so she can lean all her weight on you. the feeling of her body against yours is terrifying. she's all bones. you can feel each rib, every pointy bone in her joints.

"i know. i'm so scared of dying." she whispers out eventually, still crying silently.

nayeon squeezes in as well, holding one of momo's hands, bringing it up to her lips to kiss it softly.

"i don't want to sleep. i'm terrified i won't wake up again. that i won't be able to see you guys again."

there are tears streaming down yours and nayeon's faces as well now.

"then eat. please darling. you need to eat." nayeon begs, wiping at her eyes furiously.

momo looks up at her weakly, smiling even now, "you know i can't. you'd both be doing the same thing if you were in my position right now."

you hold back choked sobs, burying your face into her neck. she can feel the tears staining it.

"it's okay. i'm gonna be okay. we're all going to be okay." her hand finds yours, squeezes both your hand and nayeon's.

"it's not fair. you're pretty much the same weight as me. why are they making you do this?"

she shrugs again, her sharp shoulders dig into your chest, "maybe they're testing me."

"for what?" nayeon says incredulously.

"dunno. if i have the willpower. if i'm ready to die for my dream. who knows."

"it's not willpower. it's fucking starvation. you're not even- you're all muscle. there's nothing to lose. the number on that scale is only higher because muscle is heavier than fat. and you wouldn't have all that muscle if you weren't the best dancer in this fucking company."

"you think i'm the best dancer?"

nayeon sighs frustratedly, "i know you are. darling... please. please just- some water- anything-"

"i can't. i'm sorry."

you've been talking in circles for days. the same thing, over and over again, begging her to eat, drink some water, rest. she's persistent though, hasn't broken once. when she first told you all the news, you were aghast, angry, but not surprised. you all thought you knew what it meant to lose 7 kilograms in a week, it was terrible, but it wouldn't be impossible. they wouldn't set you an impossible task. there has always been importance placed on your weight in this industry. they weighed you every morning before classes, tracked your progress, what you ate, how often you worked out, made sure you were kept consistently underweight, just how the public liked you. if they said momo needed to lose 7 kilograms to be attractive, to get a chance to debut, then she needed to lose 7 kilograms.

it wasn't until around the third day that you realised just what that meant though.

she collapsed in dance class. it wasn't an out of the ordinary experience, they put all of you on the edge of malnutrition, so there were always girls fainting left and right. but it was the first time for momo. and unlike the other girls who were instructed to eat better, momo was encouraged to keep doing what she was doing. because it was working, she was losing a kilogram everyday, more than that at the time because all her water weight was gone first.

so she came home that night proud that she had collapsed. they'd brainwashed her.

and so she kept on going. when all the trainees were off enjoying lunch, she had two fingers down her throat in the company bathrooms. when everyone retired to go home for the night and rest, she'd be running 10 miles an hour on the treadmill at the gym. naturally, her body started shutting down. she was losing too much weight too quickly, she wasn't getting the nutrients she needed to function as a human being, her body was in a state of panic, it was retaining as much weight as it could, it thought momo was in trouble, that it needed to protect her from all of these sudden changes, so it's natural she stopped losing weight at such a fast rate.

she didn't care if it was natural. all that mattered was that that number on the scale was 7 kilograms less than it was when she was first told to lose the weight.

on the outside, you could see how much it was affecting her, not just physically, but mentally as well. you were so confused what to do, you wanted to support her, and as a trainee who had the same dream as her, you understood why she was doing what she was doing, but you also didn't want her to die. you wanted your momo back, the one that smiled and laughed and played around with sana, secretly loving how affectionate sana was despite her outwardly 'cool girl' persona. you wanted the momo that teased and fought with nayeon, the only one that could bring nayeon back down to earth when she was getting too much in her head. you wanted the momo that kissed and pulled you into her whenever you shared a bed, that clung to you in the morning when you had to get up, whiny and pouty and sleepy. she was a shell of herself now. they had ripped the life out of one of your favourite people on the planet.

the door to your dorm clicks open softly.

you're all still cuddled up on the bed, squeezed against one another.

sana walks in, a tired smile on her face. it immediately disappears once she sees the tear streaks on all of your faces.

she rushes forward, cupping momo's cheeks, checking her pulse.

"i'm alive satang don't worry."

"did you eat?"

"you know i haven't."

sana's the most emotional of you all. just seeing her favourite people crying has her own tears welling up.

"oh satang not you too-"

"i can't help it. look at you momoring. why didn't you guys tell me?" she directs that to you and nayeon, frowning.

"you were at practice. we didn't want you to worry."

"momo is more important than practice."

"no satang. monthly evaluations are in two days. you're gonna make that lineup."

"i don't care if i make it if you die momo!"

"stop it. all this talk about- i'm not going to die guys. i'm fine, don't give up on me yet. i'm still here. if you all think i'm not going to make it then how am i supposed to think i'm going to make it?"

"that's not fair momo." you speak up, still cuddled into her neck. "this isn't- this isn't a daily worry. we live in the fucking twenty first century it's not normal to worry about whether or not you're going to live to see tomorrow."

"please momoring. here-" sana starts scrambling around in her bag, pulling out a thermos. "just one please-" she shakes out an ice cube, holds it out to momo in her palm.

momo stares at it, watches it melt, her mouth open, lips dry.

"please it's just one-"

"i-i... i can't-"

sana sobs, head falling into her elbow, crouched on the floor.

nayeon gently takes the ice cube from her, holds it in her palm, watching momo's gaze follow it.

"momo..."

"don't make me nayeon. please. i can't."

"i'm not. i won't." nayeon makes sure momo is still watching her, then she slowly takes the ice cube into her own mouth. she sucks on it, her cheeks hollowing out, melts it in her mouth slowly. when she's done, she opens her mouth, showing she's swallowed it all, then she asks, "do i look different?"

momo looks at her confused, "no?"

"if i went on that scale, how much do you think my weight will change?"

momo gets it, her face darkening again, "don't do this nayeon."

"just answer the question."

"...it probably wouldn't."

"right. look, here, y/n, have one." she reaches for sana's thermos, you hold out your hand, accepting the cold cube, then you pop it in your mouth, burying yourself back to your position in her neck, kissing the skin there gently with your cool lips.

she sighs on top of you.

nayeon's shaking another one out, popping it in her mouth, then she's giving one to sana who has her hand out, staring at momo with wide, hopeful eyes.

momo looks between the three of you, you all had so much love for her, you all just wanted the best for her. it was one ice cube. her body was screaming for it.

slowly, she holds her palm out.

you all stare at her with bated breath, almost in disbelief.

she smiles, "i've probably cried out enough for an ice cube right?"

sana lets out a broken laugh, nayeon's quick to shake out an ice cube into momo's palm.

momo stares down at it, brings it up to her mouth, takes a breath, then encloses her lips around it.

she sighs again, closing her eyes, reveling in the coolness of it, leaning back against you more.

you let her, leaning back fully until you're laid on the bed, spooning her. nayeon comes in behind you, squeezing herself against the wall, an arm coming up to rest on your midriff, her hand able to reach momo's side. sana clambers up as well, kissing momo's forehead and sniffling, looping an arm around her waist and snuggling in. after you had started dating you ended up pushing the two bunk beds in your room together so you could all share the bottom bunk, and so you could use the top bunks for storage space. it was still a little bit of a squeeze but the four of you didn't mind. you liked being as close as you all possibly could.

momo couldn't shake the thought that the ice cube melting down her throat would add on another kilogram or two, but she tried to focus on the feeling of her loved ones curled around her instead, falling into a restless sleep, praying she would be able to wake up and feel like this again.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

you grip your fork tightly, stabbing into your bland salad.

sana sits next to you, just as stiff, staring daggers across the cafeteria.

momo doesn't seem to mind though. she's happily munching away at her leaves. your heart softens a little at the sight, remembering how far she pushed herself last month, at least she was eating better now.

but then nayeon's laugh breaks through again, loud and bright. your jaw tightens at the sound.

"that's it." sana goes to stand but you tug on her hand, pulling her back down.

"don't."

"why not?" she spits, you've never seen her so livid. she was the happy charm of the company, people forget she could feel other emotions too.

"you'll cause a scene."

"good. then maybe he'll get his fucking baby hands off her."

"we can't. everyone will wonder why."

"why what?" she's still seething.

"why you have an issue with them. at worst they’ll think there’s something going on between you and nayeon. at best they’ll think you have a crush on him."

sana blanches, flicking her gaze over to you, “what?!”

“i don’t like it either. but we just have to trust her right?” you offer a smile, it’s a bit wonky and forced and sana sees straight through it, but it does get her to calm down a bit, taking a breath and slumping down in her seat.

“fine.”

“she loves you.”

“whatever.”

you smile genuinely at momo who looks at you in confusion, her mouth still full of lettuce. you shake your head, gesturing for her to keep eating and not to worry.

it’s not until later in the day when you have combined level dance practice that the issue comes up again. normally, he wouldn’t be near your class, sana and momo were naturally gifted dancers, so they were in higher level classes, and nayeon was an all-rounder, she was always in every top class to ensure she was around other people her level.

“they’d be cute wouldn’t they?” jihyo makes light conversation while you’re all stretching.

jeongyeon scoffs, “are you serious? he’s like… a baby.”

“he won’t be for that much longer.”

“gross dude!”

jihyo laughs.

“who are you guys talking about?” momo moves towards your group, mina in tow behind her.

“bambam and nayeon.”

“oh.” she drops down in a stretch, “what about them?”

jeongyeon snickers, teasing momo, “of course you didn’t know you airhead. bambam has a crush on her.”

“really?”

“yeah. did you see him almost wet himself when he got her during spin the bottle at jackson’s party?”

“it was so funny! and then when he went in to kiss her, that was so awkward! poor kid, i almost felt bad for him.”

“i don’t.” sana speaks up then, her teeth gritted, eyebrows furrowed, not even bothering to hide her gaze, staring at bambam and nayeon playing around in the mirror.

jihyo and jeongyeon exchange glances, confused.

“uhh… you okay sana?”

her eyes snap back up to meet jeongyeon’s, “yeah. fine, why?”

“you just seem a little… edgy.”

sana huffs, standing up again, “just tired.” she doesn’t say anything else, turning on her heel and leaving the training room.

momo catches your eye, tilts her head in question.

you shake your head, speaking up, “i’ll check on her.”

you jog outside, finding her near the water fountain.

“hey.”

“if you’re gonna lecture me again i don’t want to hear it.”

“no i wasn’t- i didn’t mean to lecture you at lunch. i just wanted to check on you.”

she sighs, sinking down into the cushion next to the fountain. you carefully sit next to her.

“i’m sorry. i just- i do trust her i just- i don’t trust him.”

“he’s just a kid sweetie.”

she scoffs, “yeah a hormonal pubescent teenage boy. they’re soo innocent, not like they don’t watch porn and jack off to every woman who even breathes near them.”

you’re about to reply when the door to the dance studio opens again, it’s nayeon.

she pokes her head out, looks up and down the hallway, and spots you, grinning. she jogs down to the both of you.

“hey! what are you guys doing here? class is about to start!”

sana doesn’t bother meeting her gaze, “oh so now you care about us?”

nayeon frowns, looks at you in confusion, you feel incredibly awkward, avoiding her eyes as well, “what’s going on?”

“nothing. go back to your boyfriend.”

“what?”

“you heard me.”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about sana. c’mon, let’s go to practice.”

“you don’t? is it that natural for you to drape yourself all over him?”

“what?”

sana finally looks up, eyes red and angry, “bambam. you know he likes you. why do you entertain him?”

“what? sana he’s just a kid-“

sana stands then, throwing her hands up in frustration, you keep your gaze locked on your shoes, “a kid! i’m sick of hearing that! so what if he’s a fucking kid? we’re fucking kids. you all think it’s so impossible that the im nayeon would ever like someone like him so it shouldn’t be anything to worry about right?! you know what sounds more impossible?! that im nayeon is in a polyamorous relationship with three other girls. three other kids!”

“sana! calm down don’t be so loud-“

“no don’t you tell me to fucking calm down. you see? we have to hide this. us. we can’t even talk about us in public. i was okay with that! because i still had you all. you were all worth it! but you could get with bambam right now and people wouldn’t even bat an eye. they’d celebrate it, congratulate him for pulling the girl, all while we can’t even hold hands in public without people looking at us weird!”

“but i- i don’t want to be with him! i want to be with all of you!”

“then don’t fucking laugh at his jokes, touch his biceps, compliment his fucking hair!”

“but- honey that’s all harmless-“

“you still don’t get it! you-"

the door opens once again, and this time it's momo's head that pops out. she frowns when she sees all of you, walking up, tilting her head in question.

sana huffs, "whatever. i'm not feeling like practice today. tell the instructors i'm sick please."

"wait sana-"

she turns on her heel and struts briskly away.

nayeon sighs in frustration, running a hand through her hair, "what is going on with her?" she mutters to herself.

you frown, the events of the day culminating, you wish nayeon could see where you were coming from, "she told you. i think it was pretty obvious." you didn't mean to sound so clipped, your tone just slipped out that way.

nayeon looks down at you, you were never one to talk back, you'd kept more of your emotions to yourself. "are you angry with me too then?"

"that's not it nayeon. look i don't want to fight. let's just go to practice."

you stand up, brushing past her, unable to look her in the eye. you can hear momo questioning nayeon behind you before you open the door to the practice room again, thinking over sana's words that left a heavy feeling in your stomach.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

after practice, you and momo go and grab dinner while nayeon has to go to another vocal lesson.

momo's still blissfully unaware, talking about how the dance practice was and how much fun she had in such a big class with everybody. you listen to her ramble with a smile, not wanting to burst her bubble.

it's unavoidable when you go home later that night and find nayeon alone in your dorm, freshly showered and typing away at her phone.

momo skips in first, kissing nayeon and grabbing some clothes to shower into, heading into the bathroom right after.

nayeon looks at you then, putting her phone down, "hey."

"hi." you shrug off your bag, taking off your shoes.

"where's sana?"

"i thought she'd be home by now."

she frowns, "i haven't seen her since..."

you bite your lip, growing slightly concerned, "should we call her?"

"i don't know if she would pick up for me..."

"right..." you take out your phone, scrolling to sana's contact and pressing dial. it rings for a little, and just before you're about to give up, she picks up, giggly and breathy.

"y/n!! i miss you! what's up!"

you squint, there was a lot of background noise, "sana where are you?"

"out! i'm having fun!"

"where?"

"i don't really know but i'll be home soon! i promise! i love you!" she blows a kiss through the phone and then she hangs up.

you stare down at her contact picture, it was of her and a hamster plushie momo had won for her when you had gone on a date to the carnival. you had all agreed it looked like her and she had hated it because she thought you were saying her chubby cheeks were the resemblance point.

"is she okay?" nayeon speaks up again, barefaced with her thick glasses on.

"i think so. she sounded... she said she'd be home soon."

"oh."

"yeah."

it's oddly quiet, awkward. you start shuffling out of your day clothes, picking out pyjamas for your turn to shower after momo.

"are we okay?" nayeon breaks the silence suddenly, eyes seemingly even bigger behind her glasses. she fiddles with her fingers nervously.

you sigh, moving around the small room to clean up a little, if only to give your hands something to do, so you had an excuse not to look at her. "i don't know. i think sana's less okay than me."

"but you're still... not okay?"

"i feel silly. momo doesn't even feel anything about it. i wish i was the same. i know you'd never cheat on us or whatever, i just- it's still hard y'know? watching you be like that with him. like- you wouldn't want to see me all over another guy right?"

"but he doesn't mean anything to me. he's just- he's like my little brother."

"i know that's why i feel silly. i know realistically you'd never leave us for him. but it still hurts sometimes- like- like you're dangling the fact that you can in front of our faces."

she's quiet for a bit. you risk it to sneak a glance at her. she has her eyebrows furrowed, thinking.

you sigh again, moving forward and standing next to the bed. you place your hand on her head, then start running your fingers through her hair.

"i'm sorry. i don't want to be- i'm not trying to be clingy or jealous or whatever i just can't help it. i- i- i love you."

she looks up at you, surprised. your hands move down to cup her cheeks, smoothing out the skin, there.

you lean down, pressing your forehead against hers, breathing softly, closing your eyes, appreciating her presence. then, you move the extra inch to press your lips together, just slowly, softly, only for a second or two.

when you break away, she doesn't let you go, holding onto your wrist and tugging you down gently, asking you to hug her. and you oblige. kneeling on the bed, letting her wrap her arms around you, and place another kiss on the crown of your head.

"i love you too. i'm sorry i didn't- i wasn't aware of how it looked on the outside. i never- because he doesn't mean anything to me like that, i didn't think anything of it. i didn't realise you guys may have taken it differently. thank you for telling me."

you peck the side of her hand that's right next to your face, holding yours. "it's because you're a T isn't it?" you joke.

she chuckles behind you, "yeah and all my girlfriends are Fs. emotional losers."

"repressed freak."

she rolls her eyes, brings you in closer, "i love you."

"you said that already."

"i wanted you to know again."

"looks like our F is rubbing off on you."

she whines, "are you not going to say it back?"

you smile, "i love you too."

when momo comes out of her shower, she curls into bed immediately with you all, tired from her day and wanting no more than to sleep with her girlfriends. she hopes you've all made up and the fighting can stop tomorrow.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

"did she come home last night?"

"it doesn't look like it."

"fuck she's not picking up her phone either."

"where could she be?"

"what are we going to tell the company?"

"she can't just have gone missing right?"

you're all stressing, nayeon's pacing around the room like she does when she's agitated, momo's trying to call sana's cell, and you're checking her socials and her friends to see if anyone knows where she is.

"what did she say when you called her again yesterday?"

"that she'd come home soon. there was a lot of background noise though, she said she didn't know where she was."

"you don't think she's in trouble right?"

"i don't know..."

"fuck! i never should've fought with her yesterday!"

"don't- no nayeon this isn't your fault at all don't blame yourself. we're going to find her." you step up, halting her pacing, grabbing her hands and squeezing.

she sighs, gritting her teeth, "fine. c'mon. let's go to class, we're late. maybe someone there has seen her.”

before she moves to leave, you cup her cheek, turning her back to you and kiss her in reassurance. she offers a smile when you break away, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

momo keeps trying sana's phone while you walk to the company building. by now, you were all relatively well known in the company, and the tension could be felt by newer trainees, they cleared the way as you walked past, not wanting to get caught up in anything.

you push open the door to the dance studio hurriedly, not in the mood for another scolding from the trainers.

but you freeze, spotting sana on the floor, stretching and getting ready.

"y/n? what's wrong?" momo tries peeking over your shoulder to see why you've stopped, and then she spots her as well.

"satang!"

sana looks up, there are obvious bags under her eyes, she's sluggish in her movements. momo pushes past you, dumping her bag down and rushing over.

"where were you?! we've been calling you all morning!"

sana squints, backing away from momo who was speaking too loud for her, "phone died."

"we were worried satang! why didn't you come home last night?" she says the last part in a whisper, not wanting to get sana in trouble with the watchful trainers.

you and nayeon have both entered now as well, nayeon stands behind you a little awkwardly, unsure of how to approach.

"i was out." sana says simply.

"but where?"

"doesn't matter. i'm here now right?"

"sana we were really worried." you speak up now, crouching down into a stretch.

she looks at you, her eyes are lifeless. "and now there's nothing to be worried about. i'm fine."

"what happened to you last night? you said you'd come home and then you didn't. where did you sleep? did you sleep? you look terrible."

she cringes, "gee thanks."

"you know i didn't mean it like that. what aren't you telling us?"

at that moment, bambam chooses to come over and greet you all.

"morning nayeon!"

nayeon is still focused on sana, frowning, but she greets him offhandedly anyway, "morning bam."

"what? no morning for us bambam?" sana speaks up with a teasing smile, it's anything but harmless.

"o-oh! sorry. good morning sana, momo, y/n." he bows to each of you.

"i get it. it's your crush on nayeonnie isn't it? she's so pretty right? and born to be an idol. i can see why you like her."

bambam sputters, completely unprepared, blushing bright red.

sana's smile is sinister.

"sana stop."

she looks at you innocently, blinking, "stop what? i'm not doing anything."

"sana!" behind you, mark suddenly appears, clapping bambam on the back. "last night was fun. you should invite your roomies next time! i'm sure bam would appreciate that wouldn't he?" mark elbows bambam with a snicker.

"oh i'm sure he would. i don't know though, i kinda liked it when it was just us y'know?" she sports a smirk, the one she uses when she wants sex.

mark blushes, muttering something and then dragging bambam away.

"what the fuck sana?" nayeon finally speaks up, glowering.

"what?" she blinks up.

"you were out with mark last night?"

"so what if i was?"

"we were fucking worried."

"and i told you i'm fine now. there was no reason to worry."

"we thought something bad could've happened."

"yeah well obviously nothing did right!? i don't get why you guys are so pressed. i just had a little fun, i needed it, and it was good for me."

"you mean he was good for you?"

"better for me than you were."

nayeon falters at that, hurt flashing across her face, "i'm sorry."

"what for?"

"i didn't listen to you yesterday."

sana shrugs, "it's fine. i get why you like it. i tried it. it's the attention right? it's nice to know someone else is in love with you."

"that's not- that's not what i was doing sana-"

"then what were you doing? you're with us right? so why are you flirting with other people? worried we won't last? backup options? attention?"

"sana- please- can we talk about this i don't-"

"we are talking about this."

"not here. alone."

"you ashamed of me?"

"no! sana what-"

"mark can hold my hand in public. he can kiss me in public. he can call me his."

nayeon clenches her fist, "does he?"

sana shrugs again, not bothering to answer, moving into another stretch. you can't believe her, what you're hearing, you've never seen her like this. never thought she could be like this. momo looks to be in shock too, sitting on her haunches, staring at sana with hurt written all over her face. sana ignores you all.

class starts.

you keep sana in the corner of your eye. she fools around with mark, teasing him, playfighting with him, and ignores the three of you completely. you try and understand where she's coming from, why she was purposely trying to hurt you. she just told you she loved you last night, this wasn't real. she was just doing this as her own personal form of revenge. she didn't mean any of this.

you had to keep telling yourself that.

as class ends, sana looks like she’s about to go out with mark again, but you quickly run out the door, tugging on her arm, “can we talk?”

her eyes soften when she realises it’s you, but she still looks unsure.

that is, until momo links her arm with yours, pleading with sana as well.

“alright.”

you quickly lead her into one of the empty recording studios, gesturing for nayeon to come follow before sana can change her mind. as soon as you’re all inside, you stand against the door, blocking any routes of escape.

sana scoffs when she sees nayeon enter the room as well, but with you in the way, there’s nowhere to run.

“what did you want to talk about?” her tone is cutting, she rubs in between her eyebrows, pushing out the tension there.

“you.”

“what about me?”

“how could you do that to us satang?”

sana sighs, glancing at momo, “you notice now momoring? how come you didn’t have an issue when it was nayeon?”

“w-what?”

“you knew bambam liked nayeon. why didn’t you have a problem when nayeon was hanging all over him?”

nayeon tries to protest but momo replies quickly, wide-eyed, “what do you mean? nayeon doesn’t like bambam though.”

“and i don’t like mark. so what’s the difference?”

“you went after him.” you interject.

“no i didn’t.”

“then how did you end up hanging out with him last night?”

“he saw me crying outside the company. he offered to listen and then to distract me afterwards. i had fun. he didn’t make me cry.”

“sana…” nayeon’s lower lip is wobbly.

“what?”

“…i’m sorry. for not listening to you. i should’ve given you a chance to explain yourself and understand where you were coming from.”

sana’s quiet for a bit, staring at nayeon, turning the words over in her head slowly. and then her own lip starts wobbling, throat constricting, tears welling up.

nayeon panics, “fuck- no i didn’t want to make you cry i didn’t- i’m sorry i made you cry the first time i didn’t- i’m sorry-“ she desperately wants to comfort her but she’s not sure if she can, still in an awkward sort of limbo.

sana closes it though, almost leaping into nayeon’s arms, burrowing her face into her neck and breathing out shakily, sniffling.

“…i’m sorry too. i knew what i was doing- i was being petty and stupid and jealous and i hurt all of you doing that.” she whispers into nayeon’s neck, but it’s quiet enough in the room that you can all hear her.

you breathe a sigh of relief, internal turmoil calmed for the moment. you walk forwards, wrapping your arms around the both of them, feeling momo do so as well on the other side.

“i don’t like him. i didn’t kiss or hold hands or do whatever else i said in there. i just- it really didn’t bother me before. that we had to keep this to ourselves. but then seeing nayeonnie with bambam acting so carefree and- and- everything, i just wished i could grab her and kiss her in front of him, so that everyone knew you were all mine, and that i’m all yours.”

“one day we’ll be able to sana. i promise. and i won’t- i’m not going to act like i’m not already spoken for anymore. i am all yours and i always will be.”

sana sniffles again, you’re close enough you can lean over nayeon’s shoulder and kiss her forehead.

“and i’m sorry for making you guys worry. my phone really did die though if that’s any solace.” she chuckles wetly.

“i have a portable!” momo quickly breaks away, running to her bag and pulling it out, handing it to sana with a proud smile.

sana returns it, thanking her and kissing her cheek, plugging in her phone.

“you were wrong about one thing you know.” nayeon speaks up again, the hint of a smile on her face.

sana stiffens, ready to argue again but not wanting to.

“korea is so homophobic that we can actually hold hands in public without people thinking we’re anything. we could probably get away with kissing on a few rare occasions too and people would still think we’re just really good friends. especially if we’re all kissing each other, they’ll just think we’re… all very friendly with each other and kiss as a sign of affection or something.”

sana laughs out loud, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, “you’re right. i don’t necessarily have to hide how affectionate i am with you all.”

“and you’re very affectionate satang.”

sana rolls her eyes, hitting momo lightly. but then, her phone lights up, and she seems to read over something. she takes a few seconds, and then she’s blinking up, fresh tears in her eyes, launching forward into nayeon’s arms again.

nayeon grunts, catching her and squeezing back, “i take it you saw my message.”

“mmsorry- i lov- too.” her voice is muffled, but it’s obvious what she’s saying.

you don’t know what nayeon’s text said, and sana refuses to share with you afterwards, saying “nayeonnie’s words are for me only, tell her to do it again for you.” knowing nayeon hates expressing too much, which makes it all the more special to sana, but you’re just happy everything is okay between the four of you again.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

there was something going on and everyone knew it. the rumoured survival show for a new debut group was apparently set to start filming soon. select trainees were being pulled out of practice and given the news, although they were instructed not to say anything about it in order to not cause discouragement amongst other trainees and to minimise media leakage.

your girlfriends had all been called up and informed that they would be participating. now you were all waiting in anticipation for your own name to be called out.

after the monthly trainee showcase, JYP himself comes to make the announcement.

"i'm sure you've all heard the rumours going around about the new group we're planning to debut. it's going to be televised nationally in a reality-type fashion, so even if you don't make it to the final lineup, making it onto the show itself will be a big deal already, getting your name out there for potential future plans. the name of this show will be..." he pauses for effect, "sixteen!"

there's thundering applause, but you can barely hear it, anticipating, praying he would be announcing the lineup and that your name would be there.

"it's sixteen for the chosen sixteen exemplary trainees that the staff have recognised and recommended. they will be competing for seven spots in this new group. all sixteen trainees have now been notified of their involvement, but if you haven't received any news, don't worry! i always have all of you in my mind, like god, your time will come! so please cheer on and support your fellow trainees in their journeys!"

did you hear that right? everyone chosen had been notified already? so you weren't chosen? you weren't good enough? all that training... all those hours slaving away... all those tears, doubts, connections you've lost, all for what?

you look around, other people are cheering, some are crying, some are in disbelief like you.

your feet move before you can think, pushing to the front of the crowd, grabbing JYP.

"sir- why- why didn't i make it?" you're desperate, huffing, on the verge of breakdown.

he looks you up and down, a frown appearing on his usually smiley face, "what was your name again?"

your heart sinks. he didn't even know your name.

and then a look of realisation comes across him, "oh! you're that girl that's always with nayeon, momo, and sana! you should be happy for them! they're all fantastic trainees, they'll make wonderful idols."

you blink, dumbfounded, mouth agape.

"b-but- i- what was it? was i not a good enough singer? dancer? am i not pretty enough?" you're grasping for straws, anything to help you cling on to the possibility of your dream.

he tilts his head, crossing his arms, "ah- you... perhaps it's because you're always with those three. you just don't... stand out. nayeon has natural star power, her voice is one of the strongest in the company. momo is the best dancer we have, probably one of the best dancers in your generation. and sana has a personality people gravitate towards, she can keep group morale up and maintain public image. let me ask you.. what do you have? because aside from being friends with genuinely talented people, you just seem... average."

your hand falls, head drooping, the words hitting you hard.

"don't take this too personal though! perhaps with them out of the way, you can really find your own light to shine now! i believe in you!" he smiles again, then he's off with a flourish, being guided away by busy assistants.

you stare after him in shock, a flashback of sorts playing through your head, of the hardships you've been through to get to this point, of the tears and sweat you've dripped, it was too much. you needed out.

again, your feet move before you have control over them. mind moving at miles a minute, body on autopilot.

you're back in you're dorm room before you know it, and then your suitcase is being pulled off the top bunk, laid on the floor, and you're stumbling around throwing things in haphazardly. you don't even register when the door opens and three sets of footsteps tread in, too focused on thinking about how to get out, whether you could get to the airport in time, what you would say to your parents, your family, the people standing at the door in surprise, watching you clumsily shove things into your suitcase.

"...y/n? what are you doing?"

you barely look at them to reply, voice light and distracted, "packing."

"where are you going?"

"home."

"what?"

you head into the bathroom, starting to pick off the things you needed, you could leave some things, not everything was going to fit anyway and some things you could throw away.

"y/n wait- stop- just wait-"

you ignore them, clattering makeup items falling out of order into toiletry bags.

"y/n!" it's nayeon, her hands gripping your wrists firmly, not too firm to hurt, but enough to get you to stop. you finally look up at them, the break allows you to really feel your emotions, tears welling up immediately.

"oh sweetheart." nayeon tugs you into a hug, running a hand through your hair comfortingly. you feel sana and momo surround you, placing their arms around you as well. the dams break open then, and you're sobbing into their arms, all of your emotions finally catching up.

you stay there for a few minutes, just crying it out, the girls hushing and soothing you, letting you babble nonsense and cry into their shoulders.

when you finally calm down, you're exhausted, slumping down into nayeon. she supports you immediately, and tries to peek at you from your position in her neck, but you refuse to look at her, your eyes puffy and nose red.

"do you want to talk about it?"

you shake your head.

"do you... still want to leave?"

you take a breath, unsure. "i don't know." you whisper honestly, "what do i have to do here if i stay?"

"you have us." sana says quietly.

you chuckle wetly, "you don't get it. you guys all made it. i'm never going to. i don't- i'm happy for you all i am but- my dream-"

"shhh- it's okay. we... we do get it my love. we were all on this journey together weren't we? we've all had thoughts we wouldn't make it. even nayeon." momo tries to lighten the mood a little.

"but- you've all made it now. i don't even- why would you still want to be with me? i'm not good enough. you all got through. i'm the only one who didn't. doesn't that- don't you think i'm just pathetic? how could you still like me?"

"what?! what are you talking about y/n?! we don't like you for your talent we're not some talent recruiters. we like you because you're you, you're sweet and funny and caring. i know it's hard because we're in this industry so it feels like we're all competing, but you can't- it's not like that for us. don't ever doubt our love for you again."

you sob quietly, emotions still a wreck.

"please don't leave. this doesn't mean anything. there will be other opportunities. your dream is still possible. we might not be able to debut all together like we always wanted to but- but you still have a chance y/n. don't give up on it."

you sigh, too tired to argue, letting them bring you to bed, giving you one of the coveted middle spoon spots and cuddling into you until you fell into a restless sleep.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⋅ᡣ𐭩 ་༘࿐

the next few weeks are absolutely hectic. for your girlfriends. you spent most of your time moping around, giving only about 50% in all your classes, motivation completely shot. it didn't help that the three of them started spending a lot more time together, as is expected when they have to prepare filming for the same thing. often you'd find yourself coming home after a long day of practice, and find them giggling and laughing about things you have no idea about, sharing inside jokes and talking about things that happened during their day that you'd be too tired or jealous to ask about.

they tried to include you of course, but you couldn't bring yourself to join in.

internally, you felt terrible. you knew you should be proud, happy, enthusiastic that all three of them were in the process of having their dreams come true. they had worked harder than all of you, they certainly deserved this opportunity, and they deserved you to be in their corner, supporting them and loving them like any other partner would do in this situation.

but you couldn't do it. jyp's words continue to ping around your head like an endless pinball machine. how you had always been in their shadow, how he never saw your worth because of them. a small, petty part of you blamed them. you hated that part of yourself, tried to squash it down as much as you could. but sometimes when you're laid in between them at night, their light breaths deep in sleep, those thoughts come back, and you can't help but be envious of their position, wondering why them and not you.

naturally, you started drifting from them, especially when filming actually started.

they were moved out to different dorms during the filming, split into major and minor dorms so that the film crew could get some reality content. they still texted you often though, asking how your day was every night, they still made every effort to make it work. it was you who really started moving away when they were no longer physically there to remind you they loved you.

you'd cry most nights. cuddling into sheets that smelled like them, watching episodes of sixteen, wishing you were there with them. you missed them.

and then momo gets eliminated.

it's brutal. you're confused when she shuffles into your dorm room, hood over her head, dark circles under her eyes, still red from crying.

you had no idea what happened, the episode hadn't aired yet.

but your heart breaks seeing your girlfriend. you immediately squeeze her in your arms, she bursts into tears again, sobbing, clinging to you, unable to make any words.

she tells you later when you're curled up in bed, what happened and how she got eliminated. when she drifts off to bed, you stare at her sleeping face, now devoid of tears, she looked peaceful. and those sick thoughts come back.

you felt grateful she was eliminated. she was brought down to your level again. she was just another trainee now. it was terrible, but you had her again, you weren't going to lose her. you should've felt angry, sad, disappointed her dreams were just ripped away from her after getting so close. but you felt relieved instead. what a terrible person you were.

soon enough, it's the finals.

momo's dyed her hair a light blonde colour and cut bangs. you went with her and helped her pick it out the day after she came home. she needed a fresh start, needed to forget the pain it felt to be back at square 1.

now you stood with her in the crowd with the other eliminated trainees. you nod at them politely, but you have your hand tightly gripped with momo's anxiously looking up at the stage waiting for your other two girlfriends to appear. you hadn't seen them in months and you'd missed them.

momo had talked your ear off about everything that happened while she was on the show. updated you on everything. it felt nice, to be included again, to feel needed, wanted.

and momo wasn't shy about how supportive she was of nayeon and sana. constantly bringing them up during the day, wondering how they were doing, if they'd eaten yet, if they were getting enough sleep, hoping they weren't thinking about her getting eliminated too much, praying they'll both make the final group.

you agreed with her each time, but she made you feel like a terrible girlfriend. she was what you were meant to be when she was still on the show. you try and make up for it in the last few weeks, making signs and pasting pictures of nayeon and sana on posters, making some for both you and momo to bring to the finals. she grins and kisses you on the head when she sees them, saying how sweet you were, how considerate you were. you smile guiltily, knowing that was far from the truth.

finally, the lineup starts to be announced.

you spot sana on the majors side already, nayeon still on the minors side. you have your fingers crossed, anxiously watching, momo's hand is white from how hard she's gripping yours, just as anxious.

nayeon's name is announced first.

momo bursts into tears, smiling, crying. she's so proud. you are too. she made it. you always knew she would. im nayeon was born to be a star.

and then, after the first seven are confirmed, sana's spot also secured, jyp makes the surprise announcement. it was going to be a nine member group. he announces tzuyu first, as the fan favourite.

and then, momo's name is read out.

momo is in shock at first, but trainees around you start clapping her on the back, congratulating her, and she starts sobbing again, covering her face as the camera pans to her. you quickly let go of her hand, not wanting to arouse any suspicions. she tries and looks at you but she's pushed up on stage before she knows it.

you can see nayeon and sana in the back, crying, in shock as well.

you can't even listen to momo's speech.

you feel like you're the only person in the entire venue again. it was quiet. you were alone. again.

your feet start to move on autopilot again. dissociating.

you manage to slip through the crowd, back turned, not realising the girls were searching the crowd, looking for you. wanting to share one of the most important parts of their lives with you. you were too selfish to let them.

you're at the dorms again, the suitcase is out, already half-packed from the last time you'd thought about doing this. this time though, they wouldn't be able to stop you. there'd be an afterparty, you were sure, they'll probably expect to see you there, they won't. then they'll come home, worried, and find all your things gone. the only remnant of your existence, a letter placed carefully on the bed.

dear nayeon, momo, sana,

firstly, congratulations. if anyone deserved those spots, it was you three. you've all worked so hard to get here, and i'm so proud of you all. your dreams are coming true. everything you've ever thought was out of reach, is about to become reality. you deserve all the fame, money, love, everything, and i know it's going to come your way, because i fell for you too.

i'm sorry. i'm not who you thought i was. i'm not a good person. and you deserve to be with good people. i'm leaving. for good this time. i'm sorry that i chose tonight to do this, when you three should be on top of the world, in a way, it's my own sort of revenge i guess. selfishly making you feel a little of what i've felt the last few months. it's why i can't be with you anymore. i'll only bring you down more. i loved you all. i didn't want to start hating you for being better than me, i wanted to keep the memories of our love pure and joyful. if i stayed, i'd grow to despise you for having what i've wanted for all my life. i didn't want that. i'm a terrible person, i could never ask for your forgiveness, only that you forget about me. forget me and continue living your lives under the spotlight, don't let me drag you back into the shadows. don't try and find me.

i'm sorry.

when they try and call you, you'll be on the flight home, your phone unable to receive any of their messages. you throw away your phone as soon as you arrive, buying a new one and starting your new life.

they barely have time to chase after you. you'd be grateful for that. they're thrown straight into schedules and planning for their debut.

eventually, you become a distant memory for them, as they do for you.

when you're older, you'll find a box you sealed away, filled with pictures of the four of you, young and in love. you'll sit there, thumbing through them, crying, wondering how you could possibly have let them go. you'll think back to your actions, appalled at the person you were, hating the industry for pitting you against them, and then realising it was your fault the entire time. you were young, stupid, greedy, you thought your dream mattered more to you than the girls did. now that you’re older, you realise you were so wrong. the girls were your dream.

you'll buy a ticket for their concert while they’re on tour, and you'll quietly cry to yourself again, seeing them in person, grown up, smiling, singing, doing what they loved in front of crowds of people who loved them as much as they loved you all those years ago. you'll think about making yourself known to them, but you'd hurt them enough. they seemed happy now, you had no place intruding on that anymore.

you were just another stranger now. you have been for years. and you had no one to blame but yourself.

[sugruzt]

❝ castaways ; 명재현

𖥻 pairing: loser!myung jaehyung x female reader

𖥻 contains: rockstar!au, childhood best friends to lovers

𖥻 warnings: inspired by 5sos "try hard" + "heartbreak girl" / english is not my first language so i am sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or misspellings, and i also forgot to proofread so i'm sorry in advance everyone

word count — 2.4k

synopsis — you and jaehyun had been friends ever since you could remember, supporting and caring for each other. but little did you know that the boy you saw as the personification of a soulmate found in a friendship, saw you as the most perfect muse for all the songs he had ever written. you didn't know it yet, but jaehyun was doing his absolute best to make you see his true feelings.

🎀

IT was no secret that looking back to your whole life, you’d lived more years being friends with jaehyun than not. it was natural — for the both of you — to share memories, habits, tastes, experiences, or whatever it was with the other; more natural even than doing so with your families. myung had always been there for you and you had always been there for him. always.

however, for a little over two years now, the two of you have not been able to see each other as often as you used to in the past. between you getting into university and him chasing his dream in the music industry, the necessary sacrifices took more from your individual lives than your teenage fantasies could’ve ever predicted when you were in high school.

the weather that afternoon was warmer than the usual autumn days and you couldn’t help but smile thinking that perhaps even nature knew that two halves of the same soul were about to meet again for the first time in eight months or so and was happy that this encounter was going to take place. there was a light breeze running through the city, refreshing the anticipation inside of you and making your hair dance with movements worthy of the highest class of ballet as you opened the heavy dark-wood door before you.

your eyes wandered around the ambience, looking for those large round dark of his you could recognize anywhere, no matter how much time had passed. “sometimes i swear i can see stars reflecting on your eyes, hyun”, you said one time when you were younger right after your first ever heartbreak and your best friend came to your rescue on the parking lot where your former boyfriend left you; jaehyun picked up the tiny broken pieces of your crushed heart only to somehow find a way to glue them back together until you found the strength to heal by yourself, and the musician never asked for anything in return, because that was who he was in the end. it didn’t take long before you smiled from ear to ear at the sight of him.

“hi, jae!” the excitement in your voice was noticeable to anyone close to the table at the almost empty café you were supposed to meet. “you look different. what did you do?”

the boy, at least you thought it was still the same boy you’ve known since childhood, let out a faint laugh as he hugged you tightly against his body, a good amount of centimetres taller than yours. just like he always used to do, jaehyun cupped your face with his right hand — the soft hand, the only one that should touch you, in his mind — and caressed it before messing up your hair while laughing a little more. “you noticed, didn’t ya?”

before you could answer anything properly, your attention was immediately drawn not only to the edge of the brunette’s lips but also to his left ear, and a confused frown took over your face. “is that a lip ring? and you got an industrial! jaehyun, you cut your hair!”

“but do you like it?” he asked raising his eyebrows in a split second before focusing on the menu. the music lover didn’t have the courage to say the real reasons as to why he did all that, at least not at that moment, but the biggest parts of his heart were praying that you enjoyed the modifications to his appearance like his heart was telling him you would, simply because his heart knew you better than his conscious mind did.

“i mean, yeah i do… it makes you look even more of a rockstar now, hyun, you don’t look like the good mama’s boy you always looked like.” with a chuckle, you decided to copy his moves, and turn your gaze back to the menu, even though you already knew what you’d order anyways.

jaehyun opened a smirk but that kind of good humor didn’t reach his dark eyes. he was twenty years old, over fifteen years had passed since the first day he ever saw you before him and the agony of suppressing the deep and unique feelings the musician had towards his best friend had been eating him alive for the majority of those fifteen years; living twenty-four months without having you as close to him as before was the trigger to make the myung open his eyes to the reality he tried to ignore so badly. all he ever wanted was for you to actually pay attention to the lyrics he wrote, to understand that everything you needed to have your heart in a safe and respectful place was to give it to him; ever since he was fourteen years old, jaehyun’s birthday wish when blowing the candles was always the same: for you to love him the same way he loved you. despite the depth and complexity of his feelings, the singer decided to keep it cool for a little longer; the last thing he wanted at that moment was to unconsciously push you away by bombarding you with all the words bottled up inside his heart since the very first day.

“so how’s school?” he asked once the waiter left you two alone after taking your orders. genuine concern and interest filled every word that came out of your best friend’s mouth, as there was no scenario in this world where jaehyun wouldn’t be worried about you.

you shrugged, looking away. “could be better, to be honest. the classes this last semester were three times harder than the previous one… it caught me off-guard.”

the kind-eyed man offered comfort with his speech, which warmed your heart a little bit more: no matter how much time passed or how much jaehyun changed his appearance, he was still the clumsy kid you met at kindergarten and defended from the other mean boys. in an attempt to take your mind off the stress that tool such a heavy tool on you, he playfully asked if at least there was anyone interesting in that fancy university you got yourself into — even though there was also shy and scared anticipation of his part towards your answer, as the thought of you, his muse, his best friend, his soulmate, being in love with someone who didn’t know you nearly as well as he did or that was willing to go the extra mile for you like he was, made his heart sink. even more so when you nodded.

“i mean, yeah… but it’s not going well. at least not like it used to. i haven’t talked to him in over a week or so, since we had this major argument and i needed to catch a break from that behaviour.”

myung watched uneasily when you played with your fingers, trying to escape his gaze. “why didn’t you tell me that, dove?”

“i didn’t want to trouble you with my petty problems, jaehyun. you need to focus on the band and making it out of here.”

when finally your eyes met his dark ones, the musician felt his blood freeze for a second. there was something different in the way you were looking at him, something he wasn’t used to suddenly was making those marvellous eyes of yours look a thousand times more special than normal. myung jaehyun couldn’t tell right there and then — because he was petrified by his own tornado of thoughts and feelings — but your cheeks were burning with a pink shade of embarrassment, only it was because you didn’t really know what to say or do as this was the first time you met your best friend after admitting to yourself that those feelings of care and affection towards him were due to something a lot stronger than just friendship.

“c’mon, y/n… you could never trouble me, dove.” jaehyun chuckled and took your hands between his with such gentleness that your heart began to race faster than any race car. “i’m here for you, okay?”

the following couple of hours went flying by like those leaves in the wind outside the café. your mind was blank and your thoughts, numb, as you tried as hard as you could to not let it show just how confused you were with everything taking over your judgement towards that friendship. you were scared to ruin it and you were terrified of the idea of not having jaehyun around anymore because of something dumb or did or said; but at the same time, much like him although you didn’t know it, your heart ached just from imagining what it would be like if you jumped off that cliff and confessed your feelings.

before you even realised it, the both of you were outside. the hot coffee from before didn’t really do much to keep you from feeling a shiver down your spine as a stronger breeze hit you colder than the ones from before; instead, jaehyun’s embrace felt like a personal fireplace. you couldn’t help but smile with that comparison, but even more so when he asked if would like to see what the studio looked like — with such invitation, the myung hoped it would create a nice setting for him to show you the newest song he wrote. if destiny decided that was the last melody jaehyun were to play to you, then he would do so with an undying smile.

the place was a little dark: deeper shades of brown and grey all around the walls and furniture but the acoustic panels were black and the only form of lighting came either from the computer screens and mixing consoles or from the few led lights on the ceiling above you. it smelled like cigarettes and scented candles in there, but you were too mesmerized by the fact of being in a recording studio for the first time in your life to pay attention to such details. as for jaehyun, he thought the studio was too small, too simple for you to be this enchanted by it, but your excitement brought joy to his heart and it felt like this was heaven for him; you with him in the one place he worked so hard to make his dream come true was what life should be like. this felt natural, and he only prayed that after that night, it would truly be like that forever.

“do you like it, dove?” the brunette asked, biting his lower lip while playing with his ear piercings.

“it’s so cool, hyun! look at all this stuff! what does this button do?” with sparkling eyes, you sat by the mixing consoles and bombarded your friend with a thousand questions per second. laughing, he only shrugged and rested his weight on the headrest above you.

“i don’t really know. taesan knows more about this than i do, i just stick with the guitar.” liar. jaehyun loved to produce as well, but he didn’t want to sound cocky to you so he decided to hold his tongue.

before the boy could say anything to keep you from pressing any buttons you didn’t know what they were for, your finger gently hit one of those and it triggered a recording from the night before. jaehyun had forgotten about it, but before leaving the studio, he didn’t delete the recording of him playing the acoustic guitar and singing the first song he had ever written about you; as the words came out on the speakers, the shame and fear paralyzed him so badly the guitarist couldn’t even stop it from playing anymore. his eyes were closed shut and he didn’t see how a smile took over your lips, that grew with every note because your mind was interpreting the lyrics and you understood what the song was about.

butterflies started a rampage on your stomach and your hands covered your face out of shyness, but the reality was that you felt like the teen version of yourself all over again in a matter of minutes.

“it’s beautiful, jae” you whispered by the time the song ended and you tried as hard as you could not to cry. “tell me about it”

those big, brown eyes you knew like the palm of your hand now stared at you with a feeling you had never seen before. you could feel every breath that escaped your lungs, every beat of your heart pounding against your chest, and every droplet of sweat that ran down your temples like a mustang crossing the grasslands. the entire universe had stopped for that brief moment to watch what would become of these two best friends who were exhausted of hiding their true feelings for one another; with jaehyun’s eyes tracing every little inch of your angel-like face, the repeating recording in the background was nothing compared to the symphony of two unaware hearts colliding into each other. how could you know he felt this way? how come jaehyun never did anything to show you the love prints engraved inside his heart god knew how long? worse than that: why didn’t you see your own feelings before?

“i can’t… i’ve waited too long to say this and now i can’t. i can’t say it with you looking at me like that, dove.” he whispered back and with a trembling hand, touched your face with just his thumb, scared that the roughness on the skin of his hand could scar a perfect face like yours. tears were forming in his eyes as the frustration of being incapable of confessing everything to the love of his life consumed jaehyun on the inside.

“then i’ll say it first: i love you, myung jaehyun.”

caressing his puffy red cheeks, the loving words slipped out of your mouth with such ease it scared you for a quick moment but as you repeated them back to him like a mantra, bringing his face closer to yours every time you did, the weight that had been destroying your shoulders and crushing your heart for the past year was finally gone and all you could think of was how gentle of a soul the boy you fell in love with had.

“i’ve loved you since the very first day, dove… i’ve waited fifteen years to be honoured with the privilege of being the one holding your heart. i swear i won’t ever drop it. your heart is safe with me, your love is safe with me.”

[demonicc0024tt]

I’m tweaking so have this flippy age theory

So being in the htf fandom I’ve noticed that lots of people portray Flippy as this traumatized war vet in his early 20’s and it bugs me out because there’s no way this man is 20 by the time he’s “discharged” from the war. Although it was never confirmed by any means that he’s actually discharged, he may be on some leave or the war just ended. But what war did he even go to? Well it’s only mentioned he went to W.A.R wich stands for Weaponized Animal Regiment, but seeing that Fliqpy’s booby traps are heavily inspired by the viet cong many say it may be possible that he also went to the Vietnam war (i also thought that would be the most rational explanation) which would make sense considering the insane trauma he has but also make him 60 even if he was drafted at the end of it, so i think he was just really interested in it but never actually got to fight there since it ended. He could have taken part in the Persian Gulf War but i doubt that. All we know is that Flippy went to the W.A.R so let’s stick to that.

What age did he go to the war then?

There is a possibility that if he was interested in joining the military from a young age and enlisted by himself then he may have been 18 at the beginning , though if that wouldn’t be the case and he was drafted instead, he would be around 20-25 years old. So let’s go with 20.

In the W.A.R journal episode he’s said to be a private, which is considered the lowest military rank (E-1) , but seeing the patch on his shoulder that could be inspired (definitely is) by the military rank insignia he could be a E-2 second class private.

The mission Flippy, Mouse Ka-Boom and Sneaky are on where they have to confront a literal General, could be seen as a very serious and important mission that would take at least 4 years of amazing performance and service for a literal second class private to go on without any forces except for two other privates, which i think makes sense because Flippy killed a literal General and that on it’s own could get him promoted to a sergeant (E-5). While promotions from E1 to E4 are mostly gained by time, E5 and higher are mostly performance and binding time earned. For a E2 to get to E5 it would take a great amount of time. To get to E3 could take at least 10 months and to E5? That could even be three to six years based on performance or even more!

So let’s say that Flippy was a great soldier for at least four years, got assigned to a serious mission, completed it alone because his teammates died, and that got him promoted to a Sergant at about 24/25 years old.

Although there is no real number of years he was at war it would make sense for it to be at least ten years if we look back at how long he had to be a private to be promoted,and how long he could fight as a sergeant. If we went down that route then he was like 30 when he left.

His first appearance is the hide and seek episode that came out in the year 2000. If we used the year when the episode came out as the year that Flippy left the military then that would make him about 31. Why 31 and not 30? Because imagine you leave a war you’ve been fighting for ten years. You don’t just immediately move somewhere new and make so many friends that you feel comfortable playing hide and seek knowing about your ptsd problem in the span of like 11 months (not saying that’s impossible but just not likely).

The episode Party Animal where we see flaky and others prepare a party for his birthday aired October 2nd 2006 that means,of course that he turned 37 that day.

The last episode featuring Flippy was In Over Your Hedge that got released (for free) December 22 2018 and that would make him 49!

In conclusion Flippy throughout the whole series is in his early 30’s to late 40’s.

Im sorry in advance if some of this info is not right, i tried doing as much research as i could! If something is wrong pls say so i can correct myself!!! Also sorry if the grammar is wrong but English is not my first language😢

[shoutoutout]

I've started up another Harlivy fic and was digging through my docs and found this old version of the noses & kneecaps section of she breaks (out, down, through). I cut it way down and changed up the setting for the published version but this Harley quote had me giggling so I thought I'd post here for folks!

Harley turns to the chef.  “If you fucking spit in this food I will literally gut you right now, you hear me?  I’m not letting my bestie eat any of your loogies so tell me if you did because she’ll fucking know, alright?  This bitch will taste them and then you’ll be dead and the misses and junior over there are gonna have a sad as shit Christmas this year.”

You can read the rest under the cut

Surprising no one, Ivy’s not that great at the whole “friendship” thing.

For starters, she has no frame of reference by which to judge.  Like her namesake, she was a wallflower as a child and when high school rolled around she bloomed into a sarcastic loner with Indigo Girls blasting through her headphones.  It left little room for normal girl shit like… well… she would name something if she knew.

But even still, with all her lack of experience, she’s pretty sure that this—Harley’s idea of friendship—is not quite normal.

“I could use some new threads.” Harley calls Ivy out of the blue on a Wednesday evening.  “Cops confiscated all the stuff back at my old place… not like I’d wear any of it anymore.  God, I was such a tightass wasn’t I, Ives?  So how about it?  A girl’s day out?”

Ivy doesn’t know what to say, knuckles pale green where they grip the phone.  She regrets giving Harley her number.  (And by “giving” she means Harley snatching the phone from her pocket and calling herself before Ivy had the chance to stop her.)  The thought of strolling through a department store with Harley causes her anxiety to ratchet the way it did when the pretty girls would laugh at her in English class.  What would they even talk about for fuck’s sake?

Not much to start, it turns out.  Harley’s version of shopping is a lot less mundane and a lot more criminal.  They end up taking twelve hostages in Bergsduff’s and leaving with two hundred thousand in designer goods.  Muzak plays idly in the background as Harley holds the salesclerk at gunpoint, parading him around the floor while Ivy snatches up some cute summer looks.  His nose drips blood from where she pistol-whipped him upon entrance.

“Hey, try those on,” Harley suggests, waving the gun wildly towards a pair of gold-rimmed sunglasses.  The hostages in her line of fire duck and scramble when it points in their direction.  “Those’ll look real hot on you!  Perfect for your face shape.”

Even the sales clerks—with the barrel of Harley’s gun poking between his shoulder blades—can’t help but agree.

Ivy slips them into her pocket.

They go to dinner.

“And it better be fucking vegan, alright?!” Harley screeches through the kitchen door.  When she turns back to Ivy, she’s all grins and bubbles.  “He said it should be right out!” she relays, skipping back towards the table.

Ivy glances towards the chef’s wife and son where they lay bound and gagged, piled in the living room corner.  Harley had arranged a “private meal” by Gotham’s hottest new chef after Ivy had told her the reservations for his restaurant were usually booked a month in advance.

“Are you sure we don’t have to worry about them?” Ivy asks with a skeptical slant towards their hostages?

“Nah,” Harley dismisses.  “They’re chill.”

Their captive hosts nod in agreement, wide-eyed and terrified.

They talk about boys.

“So like I was saying,” Harley picks up where she left off, twirling a fork between two fingers.  “Joker has some real ripe areas for improvement with the overall rollout of his new brand vision before the Legion of Doom induction, ya know?  Just some things I’m helpin’ him out with… order of operations and stuff like that.”

Ivy’s thankful Harley’s doing all the talking.  She fills the space with an endless stream of stray observations and chatter.

She gets a dreamy look in her eye, resting her head against her palm.  “I mean, he’s a real genius, ya know?  It’s pure art what he does.”  (Ivy wants to vomit but the food is coming soon.)  “And don’t ever tell him I said otherwise”—she sits up, clasping her hands together—“but in general, there’s a lack of foresight to some of his schemes.  Like escape plans, for example.  Usually he has it all figured out when Batsy arrives—how to get away that is—but not for the whole crew, ya know?”

Ivy narrows, not quite getting at what she’s saying.

Harley shimmies closer in her chair, propping her elbows on the table.  “Okay, okay, so like, there’ll be a getaway car, right?  But it’s one of those clown cars, like a tiny one.  Only this clown car isn’t like a clown car where it can fit all the rest of us; it’ll just fit him.”  She pauses to let Ivy consider.  “Is that… is that funny?  Like ha-ha Joker-level theatrics?”

Ivy’s dumbfounded.  “A clown car that’s just a regular tiny car…that only Joker can escape in… and he leaves you all behind to get caught,” she summarizes, doubt dripping from her tongue.  “So you’re telling me he just like, takes off in a Smart car?”

“Yes!” Harley nods, excitedly.  Her jester’s cap bounces with the motion.  “Exactly!  Just a Smart car for one.  It could use some work, right?”

Ivy doesn’t even know where to begin.  Luckily the chef returns, placing two gorgeous plates of food before them.  Harley squeals beside her and Ivy snaps to attention, grabbing her fork.  It smells fucking heavenly as it comes to her mouth but then Harley’s hand is strong around her wrist, stopping her mid-bite.

Harley turns to the chef.  “If you fucking spit in this food I will literally gut you right now, you hear me?  I’m not letting my bestie eat any of your loogies so tell me if you did because she’ll fucking know, alright?  This bitch will taste them and then you’ll be dead and the misses and junior over there are gonna have a sad as shit Christmas this year.”

He shakes his head and whimpers; Harley seems satisfied.  They dig in.

“Oh my god,” Ivy says, flavor dancing across her taste buds.  “This is like… orgasmic.”

Harley preens.  “Only the best for my friend!”

Friend.  It rolls so easily off of Harley’s tongue and Ivy wonders what it is exactly that makes this shit so hard for her.  Ivy tries to play along but she’s transported back to English class with Melinda Jenkins snickering every time Ivy raised her hand.  “Ha,” she tries.  “I owe ya one… pal.”

God, she’s a fucking dork but Harley couldn’t care less.  She pounces.  “Come to me and J’s Legion of Doom induction then?!” she asks like the question was burning a hole through her tongue.  “It’s this weekend.  We can drink all of Lex’s fancy-ass champagne.  Please?  Please?  Please, Ivy?”

Harley puppy-dog pouts and Ivy’s stomach flips.  Is this normal friend shit?  She has no idea.

“I’m sorry but fuck no.  No way.  Literally anything but that.”  Harley will just have to deal; Ivy is decidedly not a good friend.

[magicmousetrash]

Krel Tarron x Reader

Non-binary reader

SFW Scenario

It takes place during the 3below series

I'm writing all this with the translator since English is not my first language so if there are any mistakes please let me know <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>

🪄🐁: I will soon come with more food

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Krel was back in front of the holographic screen in his room, drumming his fingers nervously. He was determined to win the heart of his human crush, but earthling customs remained a mystery. How did humans connect emotionally without all the advanced technology and science he knew? So she had turned to "Mother" for advice.

—Mother, I need your help, —he said seriously, taking a breath.—I want to… impress a human.

The AI projected its holographic form, and Krel felt a slight flicker of discomfort as the ship's sensors analyzed his request.

—Understood, Prince Krel. I can provide suggestions on human courtship. Data shows that humans respond to certain common social stimuli. I will proceed to share a series of recommendations.

Krel nodded, looking over the list of tips that appeared before him. It seemed simple, in theory. How difficult could it be?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Tip 1: A meaningful gift

—"A thoughtful gesture or a small gift is a way of showing appreciation between humans."

Krel frowned as he reviewed that first tip. He knew humans gave flowers and chocolates, but he wanted something more special. Something unique, something that would show how much he cared... without it being very obvious.

Determined, he spent the whole night creating a… how to describe it? A small, handmade device. It was a mix between a terrarium with a bioluminescent plant and a small gravitational field that made the object float gently. Krel thought it was impressive and was sure his crush would appreciate it.

The next day, with a big, self-satisfied grin, Krel approached them at school.

—I made this for you, —he said, holding the floating contraption in an outstretched hand. —I thought you might like it.

They looked at it, at first intrigued by the strange gift. But as soon as they took it, the plant began to emit a flickering glow that grew in intensity.

It’s so… cute! —they said, smiling at first. But as soon as the glowing plant started spinning faster and blinking wildly, their expressions changed to panic. —Is this safe?.

Before Krel could respond, the artifact began to sputter and floated too high, crashing into the ceiling of the hallway and exploding in a small burst of light.

Krel cleared his throat, trying to appear calm.

—Maybe… it needs a couple of adjustments, —he said as he picked up the remains of the device..

First attempt: disaster.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Tip 2: Specific compliments

—"Personalized compliments create a greater emotional connection between humans."

Krel thought this advice would be easy to follow. He knew a lot about his crush. He knew they liked science and was pretty smart. So, he decided that praising their intellect would be a great move.

The next day in chemistry class, Krel sat next to her and waited for the perfect moment. As she focused on measuring a substance, Krel decided to intervene.

—Your accuracy with test tubes is… statistically astonishing, —he commented enthusiastically.

They looked at him, not knowing whether to laugh or worry.

—Thanks… I think. —they replied, somewhat bewildered.

Krel decided to double down, thinking that perhaps a more specific compliment would be better.

—And the way you calculated the molar concentration of that solution… it’s almost as if you could handle mathematics at the quantum level.

Now they were clearly more confused than impressed.

—Uh… well, I learned it in class last year. —they answered, trying not to sound strange.

Krel bit his lip, realizing he might be going off on a bit of a tangent.

—What I mean is… you are very smart..

They smiled politely.

Second attempt: weird...

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Tip 3: Be protective

—"Showing care and protection creates a sense of emotional security."

Krel was convinced that this advice would be a success. He had noticed that humans reacted positively when someone showed concern for their safety. And since he had advanced skills in protecting others, he thought it was his time to shine.

As they walked together towards the cafeteria, he saw some kids running past, clearly not paying attention to their surroundings. This is my chance, Krel thought.

With quick movements, he pulled his crush to the side, placing them behind him with exaggerated protection.

—Watch out! —he exclaimed, turning dramatically. —You could have been run over by those reckless individuals!

They stared at him, mouths agape, totally surprised.

—Krel, they were just… running, — They said, with a nervous smile.

Krel was unfazed. He was certain he had done the right thing.

—You can never be too careful. Safety first. —he replied determinedly.

They laughed softly, clearly seeing the situation as a bit exaggerated.

Third attempt: exaggerated overprotection

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Tip 4: Quality time

The last tip was simpler: spend quality time together. No technology, no interruptions, just being in the moment. Krel thought this would be easy, but he underestimated how hard it would be not to use technology..

As they strolled through the park after school, Krel tried to hold a normal conversation. But soon, the silence felt awkward, and Krel began drumming his fingers, wishing he could Open your device to avoid this awkward situation.

Finally, he decided to distract himself from technology and focus all his attention on them.

—Did you know that the human brain releases dopamine during pleasant conversations? —he said, trying to start a topic that seemed interesting to him.

They looked at him, laughing softly.

—Really? That’s… good to know.

Krel nodded, glad to have steered the conversation back to a scientific topic. But then, without realizing it, he started talking about chemicals that activate dopamine in the brain… for 15 minutes straight.

By the time he realized it, they were looking at him with a mix of fascination and exhaustion.

—Krel, that was… very informative. —they said, trying to sound friendly.

Fourth attempt: excessive talk.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

At the end of the day, Krel returned to his room, somewhat frustrated, and stared at "Mother's" screen, waiting for her assessment.

—Mother, how did I do it? —he asked, sighing.

—The results indicate that 45% of your attempts were successful and 55% were questionable. I recommend adjustments to your approaches.

Krel slumped back into his chair.

—Maybe… humans are more complicated than I thought.

Despite everything, they allowed themselves a small smile. Even though everything had gone a little wrong, there was something charming about his mistakes. And they… well, thay hadn't completely walked away. That was a good start.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

We all love this alien boy called Krel

[dronebiscuitbat]

Give me a Reason: Chapter 2- "Teacher's Aid"

“Uh, I guess.” She replied to N's question tentatively, causing him to light up again, he brought his schedule closer to her, and she held out her own.

“We have lunch together!” He exclaimed happily after a moment, Uzi could swear if he had a tail it would be wagging, he sounded so happy about it too, like he actually wanted to spend time with her.

The hell was this guy's deal?

“Looks like it.” She replied, her tone remaining the same despite the fact N's personality was somewhat weirding her out. Though now she was almost curious, what would it take for his friendliness to drop?

“We also have an english class and a computer literacy class together! Kinda looks like we'll be seeing a lot of each other!”

Triple Fuck

His smile was so beaming though that she turned to him to give him a wobbly, wary smile of her own and nodded, it looked more as though she was in pain then anything, but N didn't seem to mind or even notice.

Then, blessedly the bell rang, sending them off to thier first class of the day. N gave her a freindly wave as he got up to go off to his first class, but left his backpack sitting under his desk.

She stared at it, then back at his fleeing figure before deciding that yes, she did want to say something.

“H-Hey!” Oh fuck, that was way louder then she had intended, stupid fucking volume control. Still it did get his attention, as well as several other students, she did her best to ignore them despite their stares making her skin itch.

“You forgot your backpack…” She finished, volume much lower as she pointed to the boys simple black backpack still sitting at it's place underneath the desk, N looked at it for a moment, before he turned sheepish.

“Aww biscuits! Thank you, I'd loose my head if it wasn't attached!” He pulled it over his shoulder, gave her a very silly salute and then he was off again, Uzi felt herself fighting back an genuine amused smile, what a weirdo.

Her first class was math, witch for most students would be a living nightmare, for Uzi it was a dream, she really liked math, she was really good at math, she could pull equations out of her brain with ease, unlike most other things. It just made sense, math didn't change or have weird exceptions she had to remember, it was just fact, logic. And it was pleasing to her brain which liked routine.

Her height was both a blessing and a curse when it came to navigating the school halls, on one hand she was small enough to squeeze between the gaps between the sea of students, on the other, she was very easy to miss while walking, meaning she was bumped into often, making her more irritated even before she got to class.

Her irritation skyrocketed when she entered her class only to see the very last person she wanted to today, or any day honestly.

Lizzy was sitting where the the teacher normally would, looking down at her phone, a pink ribbon was tied in her hair, and she was wearing a black and pink dress that only barely adhered to the school dress code.

Why the hell was she here? She didn't need to be back here, who would willingly subject themselves to more school?

Her Math Teacher, Mr. Reese, was on the younger side, being in his late twenties, his fit the description of tall, dark, and handsome, being of Latino decent and having a well kept beard, paired with warm, brown eyes. And he came in behind the bulk of the rest of his students, looking slightly worried.

Lizzy looked up at him and smiled, getting up out of his seat and handing off some papers to him, his worry seemed to dissipate, and he smilled back down at her in thanks.

So, chances Lizzy was banging her Math Teacher? Definitely above fifty percent.

“Welcome everyone! I am Mr. Reese, I will be your Advanced Algebra teacher for this year. This lovely young lady here-” He gestured to Lizzy, who for now hadn't seemed to notice her number one victim in the class, and she smiled, Uzi thought she looked a bit like a shark. “Will be my aid and your's if you struggle, she's shadowing me to become a teacher herself one day, so I want you to be nice to her, alright?”

Nodding heads responded back, Uzi was not one of them.

Oh great, how great. The one subject she was good at and it was going to be ruined by this bitch, did she have to choose this class? Couldn't she choose a class she wasn't in?

On the other hand, the chances they were banging rose a little bit more, and Uzi couldn't help but snicker a little bit in response to that thought.

She did her best to avoid being seen, even though Mr. Reese had started to take attendance and was spouting off names, so it wouldn't last very long. Couldn't the universe give her a break? Hadn't she suffered enough at this stupid place?

“Uzi Doorman.” He sounded off, and the girl in question winced as Lizzy suddenly looked around, likely looking for her.

“Here.” She raised her hand lazily, no point in trying to hide anymore she figured, she looked to the side to avoid eye contact with both her teacher and Lizzy, but when she looked back in their direction, Lizzy was still looking at her, a shark toothed smile etched on her face.

This was shaping up to be a wonderful school year…

Even so, Lizzy didn't actually do or say anything to her for the duration of the class, and since it was just orientation, there was very little actual work to do. So she counted that small win as the bell rang an hour later to go to her next class. English.

She'd almost entirely forgotten about that strange boy in her homeroom, too busy in her own head trying to find some way to somehow transfer out of that class, even if she knew that was neigh impossible with her reputation. At least, until she heard her name.

“Hey! Uzi!” A bright happy voice came from behind her and she jumped, not used to hearing her name in any other context except with disdain or anger.

N came bounding up to her side, a bit like a dog who wanted head pats, and smiled at her, so large it stretched to his eyes, Uzi gave him a half-hearted wave in response, feeling unable to just ignore him.

“How was your first class? Mine was kinda weird… there was like… a deer head floating in a jar and it was kinda creepy.” Uzi snorted, managing a light chuckle that seemed to make N's smile a little brighter, so he must have Biology first, Mrs, Spark's classroom always was Uzi's favorite, with all the preserved animals in formaldehyde sitting on her shelves.

“She has a pig fetus too. Have you seen it yet?” She asked, the first peice of actual conversation she'd had with him. He looked at her, horrified in every way.

“What?! No! Oh no that poor piggy…” He scrunched up his fingers next to his face, looking sad, she couldn't help but laugh lightly at his reaction, he was so animated. Like a cartoon.

“Also it was, fine. I guess, there was someone I knew in it…” She answered, after the ice had broken she felt…a little more comfortable speaking around him, maybe it was just his attitude, it was a little hard to be moody when someone was constantly giving you thier sunniest smile.

“Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?” His face fell a little, passing friendly into something that almost looked concerned, but that couldn't be right, no one was concerned about Uzi Doorman, not even her old man.

“They don't… like me very much.” She answered, voice becoming wary again, she didn't need to give too much away, it's not like he'd stick around for too much longer, she gave it about a week, tops.

“Oh… well why not? You're hair’s pretty and you seem pretty cool!”

She squeaked, a pink filling her cheeks as she processed what he said. Her hair was pretty? And she was cool? This boy was delusional! But… for someone who didn't often get compliments, it did feel nice.

“You've only just met me.” She found herself saying, almost in warning, like she was telling him to stay away before he got hurt, or dissapointed.

“What's that matter? You haven't been mean, if anything you've been really nice!” He responded, clearly not taking it for the warning it was, she sighed, feeling a weight in her chest tighten even if she didn't know precisely why.

“You… have a weird standard for niceness.” She replied, and all he did was giggle, of course he giggled, he seemed the type.

“Maybe!”

They reached their class together, and when Uzi found her seat near the back he sat right next to her, before he looked around at the floor.

“Biscuits! I forgot my backpack again!” Uzi looked over at him, feeling a pang of sympathy for him. This boy was kinda forgetfull wasn't he?

“Is there anything important in it?” She asked quietly, and he seemed to dissolve into his chair in quiet frustration.

“No, not really, but now I don't have a pencil or anything to put the syllabus in.” He said sadly, holding his head in one of his hands, he tapped his fingers on the desk, clearly upset.

Uzi paused for a moment before digging in her backpack to find her pencil case, she picked out a purple mechanical pencil, one of the fancy ones with a grip and handed it off to him. He stared at it for a moment before another huge grin broke his face.

“Thank you, I'll give it back, I promise!”

Somehow Uzi doubted that, if he forgot his backpack twice already, he was probably going to forget to give it back, but that was okay, she wasn't particularly attached to that pencil anyway. And with his words, at least his intention was to give it back.

Sure enough, when the class ended at it was time for them to go their separate ways. He forgot to give it back.

Next->

[onlymingyus]

To You (Teaser)

pairing; joshua hong x lee seokmin x afab reader

genre; fluff, smut (minor dni), angst (for the actual fic) - this teaser is just fluff and some angst

warnings; there are no real warnings for this teaser, there will be warnings listed for the actual fic when it is released. things to know about this fic in case you want to be added to my tag list in advance; threesome, poly relationship aspects -- there will be smut, pining, college au

w/c; 949 and some change just for this teaser 

requested; no

a/n; this will be out probably next week at some point, enjoy the teaser. if you want to be added to my tag list in advance you can do so here.

“Okay, so what is the similarity between transcription and DNA replication?” 

You tap your pencil against the table, your eyes watching Seokmin as he sighs, leaning his head back. You knew that he knew the answer, he was just struggling to put all the pieces together in his head to come up with the right answer. 

Lee Seokmin was a very smart man, he excelled in the classes that were focused on his major but when it came to those that were required for graduation, that is where he fell short. This is also how the two of you had become so close. You shared the same major, deciding to pursue a degree in Art but you didn’t seem to struggle in the mundane classes like math, biology, or english like Seokmin did. 

“They both require a polymerase.” 

You only smile at the voice but Seokmin looks up with a half smile rolling his eyes at the man who leans down to press a kiss to your cheek from behind. Joshua Hong, the very epitome of perfection. A pre-med student, on the Dean’s list, from a wealthy family, and your boyfriend. 

“I knew that. They both require a poly…uh poly meringue.” 

Joshua laughs against your cheek at Seokmin’s words before standing back to his full height. “Merase, but pretty close. How long have you two been at it?” His large hands work into your shoulders making you instantly relax into your chair. He seemed to know exactly the right words, and how to touch you to make you melt. 

You had met Joshua in an Art History class, he had been taking it for an elective after putting off signing up for one until the last moment. What he had first thought was his misfortune and what could have been an incredibly boring class turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to him. You had smiled at him that first day, the seat to your right had been open and Joshua couldn’t help but to introduce himself. 

Now a year later, he couldn’t see himself with anyone else despite being the most sought after man on campus. Many had been confused by his choice at first, you weren’t his usual type. You weren’t popular by most standards. You dressed in boring clothes, you were quiet, kept to yourself, a bit of a nerd, but Joshua seemed to see past all of that. 

To say that you hadn’t changed after you met him would be a lie. Your wardrobe was much different, you had shifted your personality slightly to be more personable but in the end you were happy. You had lots of friends, even if not all of them were the type of people you wanted to be around. Most of all you had Joshua and now you had your best friend Seokmin, who reminded you so much of how you used to be. 

Seokmin refused to change. He was what most people called “emo”. He wore dark clothes, kept mostly to himself, headphones on, his face in his sketchbook, but when he was around you he would open up. He was what you were before you let everything change, and you were proud of him and proud to call him your friend. 

“Mm, three hours I think.” You smile at Seokmin, his eyes moving over your face, finally falling to Joshua’s hands on your shoulders before he looks away to give you a bit of space. “But, Seokmin is going to ace this test. I can feel it.” 

Seokmin scoffs, leaning his head back against the back of the chair. You had so much faith in him and he adored you for it. He adored you for many reasons and most he couldn’t act on. You weren’t his, you never would be. How could he compete with Mr Perfect? Even if he wanted to hate Joshua, he couldn’t. There was nothing to hate beyond the fact that Joshua had what he wanted. 

“Yeah, we’ll see. I manage to fuck up a lot of things, Peanut.” 

Joshua smirks a bit at the nickname Seokmin calls you. He knew it was innocent, something as simple as you being smaller than Seokmin but Joshua still found it amusing. Not every best friend had a pet name for each other. “I’m sure you will do just fine, Seokmin. You and Y/N have been working very hard.” 

You smile, gesturing back towards Joshua as if to say ‘I told you so’ to Seokmin who just laughs and shrugs. Joshua laughs, shaking his head, his hand moving to slide along the side of your face as he leans down to tilt your head up so he could kiss you gently. 

“I’ll see you later, Darling? Dinner at my place?” 

Humming out an affirming response, you smile on his lips. Joshua grins against them, stepping back to give a nod and wave to Seokmin before leaving you and him alone once again. Seokmin sighs softly watching you with Joshua, the way you react to him. What he wouldn’t give to leave you breathless like that just once. 

“So, poly meringue.” 

Laughing, you shake your head at Seokmin, your pencil slipping off your fingers to fly in his direction causing him to laugh in return. “Polymerase, an enzyme.” You can’t help but to feel your chest tighten at the sight of how handsome Seokmin is when he smiles so brightly for you. The way his eyes pull at the corners, his bright teeth on display. He never smiled like that for others. He was so timid, closed off. 

“Right, right. Not a dessert. I’ll remember that one now.” 

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[miracles-and-butterflies]

Did reincarnated Mirabel go to school after being reincarnated?

I’ve been waiting to answer this, actually!

Technically, yes.

For a bit of a reminder, Encanto is a rural town stuck in the 1890s. School ended at sixteen. Because of Camilo’s birthday, 1950 (the year the film takes place) would be his last year, he would have finished school not long after Antonio’s birthday. Mirabel would have had one more year to go, had she not died.

(Before somebody comments they are only three months apart in age - Camilo was born in December 1934 and Mirabel was born in 1935. None of their birthdays are in that middle gap that would allow them to possible be put in the same year. They wouldn’t be in the same year. And a lot of the time boys and girls were separated anyways).

I digress, when Mirabel was reincarnated and kept basically the same age (she’s now sixteen), going back to school and finishing that year was an option for her. And, not wanting to deal with change and thinking school would bring back a sense of normality, Mirabel insisted she wanted to go back to school; possibly continue until she properly finished school. (Most, though not all, schools nowadays continued to seventeen/eighteen).

She started at a local high school in October 2021. And… she hated it.

It was very different to what she knew of school and far from her normal. The work was fine - she’s intelligent and a brilliant academic - it was the modernisation of school and the enforced social aspect she couldn’t handle. She didn’t like moving from class to class, she didn’t like being forced to work in groups and talk to other kids, she didn’t like using the new technology, etc. However, she didn’t think it made sense for her to not finish the year and get the qualifications at the end of it, so she stuck with it. But she was very miserable.

(This got worse with the release of Encanto in November. Not related to school, but her mental state really took a toll).

Parents’ evenings were always very interesting as Mirabel obviously doesn’t have parents. Dolores, Isabela and Luisa took it in turns for each class, rather than only one or all of them going. You can imagine how chaotic that was.

Mirabel sat her mock exams in January and achieved obnoxiously high marks, which impressed the teachers as they are always made to be harder than the real thing. To nobody’s surprise, she nailed her real exams a few months later. The others joked about how she was free of school. However… She was encouraged to stay on another year by her teachers to get higher qualifications to allow her to apply university, which is what she wanted to do.

She enjoyed her second year of modern school a little bit better. There isn’t much to note on. She was encouraged to stay and complete her final year, but she turned it down; having gotten the qualifications she needed and not caring enough about doing all “the fun-day senior nonsense”, as she put it.

From what I have researched, kids in Scottish schools have the option to leave each year after they turn sixteen/when they complete first exams and receive qualifications. So it’s perfectly legal.

(They were reincarnated in Scotland, in case you weren’t aware. Well, they were reincarnated in England but moved to Scotland. That’s different ask though).

She did apply and got a place at her chosen university, but is delaying it. Mainly due to anxiety. She’s Mirabel.

If anyone was interested in what exactly Mirabel got qualifications for:

Highers:

Classical Studies - A

English (Literature/Literacy) - B

History - A+

Mathematics - C+

Media Studies - A

Philosophy - A

RMPS (Religious, Moral and Philosophical Studies) - A+

Advanced Highers:

English (Literature/Literacy) - A

History - A+

RMPS (Religious, Moral and Philosophical Studies) - A+

Italics were her second year subjects.

[allison3k0]

Y'ALL I GOT TO SEE MR S TODAY AFTER SCHOOL AND IT WENT SOOOO WELL 😭😭😭

Okay so, after 4th period I went to my locker quick before going to see if he was in his classroom. He was indeed in his classroom. AND FIRST OF ALL I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE IN PERSON AGAIN- Okay so basically I walked into the room and as soon as he saw me he went "Hey!" in a surprised/excited tone that I never hear him do with anyone else. Mind you during this whole conversation we were standing kinda far apart, just cuz I didn't wanna be too bold and get too close yk. I'm gonna write out our conversation from memory so y'all can read it if you want.

S (Him): Hey!

A (Me): Heyyy

S: How have you been? How was your summer?

A: I've been good, my summer was good, went travelling a bit

S: Oh, where did you go?

A: Just out of town by a few hours, went on vaycay for a bit too

S: Oh, did you drive, fly?

A: Drove, lots of driving haha

S: Did you go with the whole family?

A: Yeah, me and my two siblings plus my parents in the car

S: Oof, that could be tough

A: Yeah, especially when it's us trapped in a car for 5 hours at a time

S: Yeah I see how that could be difficult. Take a nap with earbuds in or something *Does his cute hrrhrr type laugh that I've never seen him do with any students, only with parents and other teachers cuz he's comfortable, good to know he's comfortable with me.*

A: Yeah, and played games a bit

S: Oh yeah

(A student walked in looking for another teacher so he helped guide them to the classroom and came back, giving me time to take the Oreos out of my backpack)

A: Also, I have something for you

S: Oh?

A: *Handed him the Star Wars Oreos*

S: No way! Are these the Star Wars Oreos where you get the dark side or the light side?

A: Yup, I noticed you like Star Wars and I saw them at the store and thought I'd buy them for you. (I previously saw them at the store with my friend and she bought them for me to give to him another time after that)

S: Thank youuu! Let's see which one I got *Opens it* The dark side ooooh (He said in a "spooky" voice) You want one?

A: Sure

S: *Opened the package more and put the box out towards me*

A: Thank you, I haven't tried these yet

S: Me neither, we'll see how it tastes

A: *Awkwardly ate the Oreo in front of him, trying not to look like a fatty by stuffing the whole thing in my mouth, instead I took a bite.*

S: Mmm

A: Oh yeah, it's like a normal Oreo

S: Yeah, it's good though. Thank you!

A: Of course!

S: So, how was your first day?

A: It was good, I was so nervous today though, and my mom was almost crying while I was leaving the door

S: Awww (Made the cutest pouty face)

A: (proceeded to talk about how my classes went while he paid close attention while smiling so wide I could see his gums)

S: Oh yeah, so you've got a heavy semester then (I have advanced English and advanced Psych this semester)

A: Yeah, not too bad though

S: What do you have next semester?

A: French, peer helping (class where I'm a TA for a semester) and music

S: Oh so you have an easier semester then!

A: Yeah, it'll be nice when I'll be applying for scholarships and whatnot

S: Yeah. Are you still taking band?

A: Yeah we actually start jazz band this week

S: Oh yeah I saw that in the anouncements

A: Yeah

S: Are you in concert band too?

A: Yeah

S: Oh wow, so you're gonna be having some more long days

A: Yep, also, do you like my outfit today? (Gave him a little turn, wearing the outfit I had planned that's inspired by his outfits but he didn't realize, ALSO HE WAS WEARING A BLUE SHIRT WITH A COLLAR AND KHAKI SHORTS SO WERE BASICALLY MATCHING)

S: Oh yeahhhh, very professional looking

A: Yeah, thank you (I wanted to tell him it was inspired by him so bad but didn't cuz I'm a chicken LMAO)

*Awkward silence/tension and eye contact*

*We talked more about my school year*

*Another awkward silence*

A: *started picking up my things* Okay, I think I'm gonna head out

S: *starts picking up his things* *As we're packing up and leaving the room* Well, it was nice to catch up with you, and I'm sure I'll see you around in the halls

A: Yeah I may come in here after school to work on some animation work or other work I gotta do

S: Well, that's fine, you can do that, I trust you *Does the hrrhrr laugh again*

A: You trust me enough to lock up the room so (I stayed after school until like 4 a bunch of times to get work done, he left before me and had me lock up the room for him before, I mean he locked the door but he told me to close it on my way out when I did that)

S: So, did (My Bestie, we'll call her M) M have a good day too? Have you seen her today? Do you share any classes?

A: Yeah (proceeded to tell him what classes we share and that she had a good day)

S: Oh that's great, what about next semester? *He closes the door and locks it*

A: *Told him the classes we share next semester*

S: Oh yeah, that's great!

A: Yeah

S: *Starts to walk up the stairs so he can leave that way* (Oml I felt like Romeo and Juliet) Well, it was really nice seeing you again and catching up (OML THE WAY HE WAS SMILING SO WIDELY)

A: Yep, byeeee *Waved at him*

S: *Waved back and went off as I left too*

TLDR; He was so adorable and smiley and had the best/nerdiest reaction to the Star Wars Oreos I gave him, I felt so special 🥺❤️

I'M FREAKING OUT Y'ALL HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE ME, HE WAS SO CUTE AND NERDY, AND HE WAS SMILING SO WIDELY AND HE DID HIS ACTUAL LAUGH AND IT WAS SO AMAZING AND OML I FELL FOR HIM HARDER HELP

Update: Apparently he DID see my email and responded but I didn't see it. He said "Hello! Sure, A. I'll be in room 102 (His classroom) after school." AAAAAA

[aster-draws]

Hey do you have any general writing tips? Or tips that helped you along your journey? You write very well and in this very specific way that itches my brain juts right. How do you do it?

practice.

I know it sucks, but practice is like The Answer. I've been writing like, compulsively since I was around 10 years old and I started my first novel. It was bad. It was very bad back then.

below the cut is a more deep dive into my thoughts on this (written at midnight after a 16 hour shift, bear with me)

I have attended a lot of writing workshops, I took the advanced literature and language classes, I went to writing bootcamps, i did Nanowrimo several years in a row. I have written just. So much crap. (objective crap.)

I feel like a lot of the tips that have helped me progress aren't things that I've implemented, but rather, have given me the tools to describe what I'm already doing, and allow me to do them more intentionally. Because, at the end of the day, if you're trying to force something, like using different dialogue tags, or varying your sentence length and structure (which is helpful in making your writing engaging!!) it will kinda sound forced.

I feel like my personal style and voice is impacted a lot by what I read, as well. It used to be much worse, I would basically just steal the style of whatever I just barely read (and I read a lot of Not so well written things) but it would literally change my own internal narrative. But as I've gotten older and I've expanded outside of YA literature (and read a lot more. like. a LOT) I've settled into a more consistent and personal style. Read a lot. And read good books? obviously i still love a good trashy romance novel (my Kindle history should never see the light of day) but by and large I do try and read a wide variety, including a lot of non-fiction (specifically scientific literature. I looooooooove science non-fiction and I do think that's provided a significant impact on my work)

in terms of more concrete things that i've done to improve my writing- still just practice, but with direction

-stream of consciousness writing for 30 minutes every day (I no longer do this, but I did daily for several years)

-stealing (not really) when I was in middle school, one of my english teachers had us take samples from several genres and mimic sentence structure as a way to really internalize the literary devices they were using

-annotation and analyzation. Picking apart media that I like in order to understand What is prompting What reaction. I write in all my books, i put in little notes, I break down if it's a structural thing (in the prose proper) or a story element, and how it contributes to the wider purpose of the text. It's fun.

tldr: it's practice. the answer is practice ^that is how I practice more or less tho

[ronaldofandom]

A Love Eternal / Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Chapter 9 is here!!

Entirely dedicated to RamSita. Deep conversations about their relationship and about what all they have gone through together. Covers the wholeness and incompleteness of their dynamic. Can be read as a one-shot.

No warnings.

I haven't found much content dedicated to them, hope that changes soon :)

Chapter 9

(Links to Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 10 , Ch 11)

Ram spent the next hour pacing along the outskirts of the village. Trying to find the right words to express the multitude of emotions raging through him. He couldn’t recollect the last time they had an honest conversation about their relationship. He had put it off for so long that the burden of unsaid feelings was hanging heavy between them. To the point that Ram was convinced it was all lost. But he would try to take Bheem’s advice and not assume anything. There was no point in putting this off any longer. Tonight, was as good (or as ominous) as any to speak to Sita. Maybe he won’t have to say much. Maybe she will just understand, like she understood everything else about him.

When he walked in, Sita was wrapping up her chores for the day.

‘How was the meeting? Did you learn anything useful from the informants?’

She asked, while handing him a bowl of herbal soup. To Ram, it smelt like petrol and tasted much worse. But he had learnt it the hard way that there was no scope for negotiation. Sita was in charge of Ram’s diet. It had been less than three weeks since his escape. He was yet to recover fully and to regain his strength. Sita had taken it upon herself to nurse him back to health. She prepared all his meals with special nutritional ingredients. Even when he was tied up somewhere else and couldn’t come to her to eat, she would send the food via someone.

Ram made a face while drinking the soup, which she pointedly ignored. And repeated her question.

‘Yes, the meeting was very fruitful. But…our village is under heavy surveillance. They are circling it to find any sign of me.’

She nodded silently, understanding the implication. They will have to stay here longer, away from their home. It wasn’t safe to return, not yet.

‘Hmmm. It’s fine. We will make do. Has Babai reached safely?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hmm. I can see the bowl is not empty, Ram. Pick it back up and finish it. We will not have the same conversation again.

He did so grudgingly. And she smiled at him fondly.

‘We are progressing well in teaching basic English to the informants. Jenny and I are taking extra classes. People have picked up really fast. We should be able to complete their training well before we had originally anticipated.’

Her eyes shone with silent determination and resolve, drawing Ram in.

‘Which reminds me, did they bring the medicinal herbs I had asked for? I need that to try some of the new techniques I learnt from the books you got for me.’

Her voice broke Ram out of his reverie.

‘Ummm yes. I think they got a few from your list. And some ready made potions from the bazaar as well. You will have it in the morning.’

‘Good. Lots of work to do.’

She cleaned Ram’s bowl, as he changed for the night. Unable to broach the subject yet.

‘When do you have to go for the supply run? Tell me in advance. I need to pack some healthy food for you.’

‘Day after tomorrow. Bheem and I will leave early morning, along with a few other men.’

‘Fine. I will get it ready by tomorrow night then.’

She got back to her work then, already thinking about the things she had to get done tomorrow.

Ram stood still, just looking at her. In some ways, she was the female version of him. It struck Ram how she never complained about their situation. Never asked him why he was late or why he had to go away for long. What needed to be done had to be done. She understood it as clearly as he did.

She had the same will, same resolve, same sense of duty, same fortitude of silent strength. She loved the land, the people as much as he did.

Yet, she was vastly different from him, in so many ways.

In their years of struggle, she hadn’t lost her humanity. Her empathy. Her morals. Her perceptiveness. Her kindness. She had managed to preserve a part of herself that wasn’t lost in pain & vengeance. She had retained a sense of hope. Of better times. For their motherland. For him and her. She hadn’t turned into an emotional wreck, a robot, a dysfunctional sociopath.

The revolution had not destroyed her true nature. Rather, it had enhanced it. In that way, she was a lot like Bheem.

Ram wished he could be like the two of them. Strong. Loving. Good.

His hands fisted and opened and fisted again in silent frustration.

‘Don’t you ever get tired? Does it not get too much sometimes?’

She turned around and looked at him in confusion.

‘Tired of what?’

‘Of being so….righteous all the time. Of taking care of everyone. Of giving all of yourself for everyone else, and not thinking about your own wishes at all. Of being this beacon of hope for everyone around you. Don’t you want to scream into a pillow sometimes? Or run away, without ever looking back?’

Sita looked at him for a few seconds, then moved closer to stand right in front of him.

She knew this was going to be a long, deep conversation. And she was glad - he was finally talking to her about stuff that was eating away at him.

‘I am no saint. I am a human, I get tired too. Frustration gets to me as well. There have been many moments where I have asked god why he did this to us. Why such cruelty was destined for us. Why we couldn’t have a normal childhood, a normal life, like anyone else. But then, I am reminded of what your Amma used to say - that our purpose in life is bigger than our own selves. God hasn’t singled us out for this pain. Rather, we are the chosen ones, to change the course of history forever. To create a better future for our country, our children, their children. To bring back the pride, the glory, the honour of our motherland. We are all soldiers for this cause, men and women alike. With a single goal that unites us all - to live in the Bharat of our dreams. So, how can I think of running away, Ram? When this runs in my blood. And where will I run to? Why will I abandon my people? Who am I without them?’

Ram shook his head in wonder, coupling it with a dry laugh.

While his father’s vows and words had hung like a dead weight on Ram’s shoulders, crippling him inside and out, her mother’s words had instead become a mantra of Sita’s life. She had embraced them fully - heart and soul. To the point where she was almost a reflection of his mother - a woman willing to sacrifice her husband and both sons for the larger cause of her country.

He felt the same warmth, same hope, same comfort and same care in Sita’s presence. Like he could put his face in her lap and all his troubles would go away. Her pallu a blanket of security around him.

He reached out tentatively, his fingers curling into hers.

‘Is it enough for you, then? Living for your country? Or, do you��.do you want more from life?’

His voice turned small, but she heard what he said. And what he didn’t say.

She gently clasped his hands and squeezed them lightly.

‘I will take what I get, Ram. What comes my way. I will make my peace with it.’

His eyes shut in pain. In guilt. Was this her way of saying she would make do with whatever morsels of affection he throws her way, if at all?

‘I know that. I know you can take anything in your stride and deal with it. But my question is, DO YOU WANT MORE?’

Sita thought long and hard about her response.

‘Yes. Like I said, I am only human.’

Ram knew this was coming. He had seen the unspoken dreams in her eyes. And he had dreaded this situation. Because he didn’t know if he was capable of more. In fact, he was pretty certain that he wasn’t. The part of him, that knew how to love another human being so deeply, had died that day along with his family. Since that day, he had been too closed off, not letting anyone else get too close to his heart, not even Sita. Another loss of love would be too much for him to bear, so he had figured it would be best to not let anyone in. Over the years, that sentiment had cemented itself. This was now second nature to him.

He was too toxic, too heartless, too cold, too hopeless for someone as pure as Sita.

He truly wanted her to be happy. To get the ‘more’ she had been seeking all these years. For that to happen, he needed to disappear from her life.

He said all this out loud. Now that he had kept his promise to his father, he could go away somewhere else and participate in the movement there. She could be with another then, someone who would love her like she deserved. She could be free from this half-maiden, half-widow like life she had with him. Everyone would be better off with him gone, but most of all her.

He blurted all this out quickly, lest he ran out of courage. He looked up and saw the pools of tears in her eyes, which he had expected.

But he hadn’t expected what came next. Not even in his wildest dreams.

Sita slapped him. Hard. Across the face.

Normally, he wouldn’t have moved an inch from the force of it. But the shock of it almost made him tumble. It stung deeply and he covered his cheek with his hand, still processing what had happened.

‘If that’s what you think of me, if that’s how little you know me, then maybe you are right. Maybe we shouldn’t be together.’

Her tone and her words cut him deeply. She had recovered from her distraught state - fury was the prevailing emotion in her eyes now.

She came closer and fisted her hands in his shirt, shaking him with all her might.

‘When I said I wanted more, I meant I wanted more WITH YOU. Only and only with you.’

She shook him some more.

‘If my choices are status quo with you vs not having you at all, I will pick you every single day. No matter if someone else can offer me the sun. I don’t want it. DO YOU HEAR ME, RAM? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?’

He nodded at her, and she let go of his shirt. Taking two steps back.

‘Why?’

His voice was nearly a whisper now. He couldn’t fathom why she was so devoted to him. And he wanted to make sure it wasn’t due to a false sense of duty she might feel towards him.

‘Oh, you stupid fool, you can go to hell….’

He cut her off.

‘Please? I really need to know this. I want to understand. Why Sita, why me? Why still me? Even after everything that I have done? You may not even know the full details - let me tell you those. Let me tell you what I have stooped to, who I have become. You have a right to know everything.’

‘You don’t need to tell me anything. I know it all.’

‘You can’t possibly know…’

It was her turn to cut him off.

‘I know what you did to Bheem, both at the party and at the punishment site. Jenny told me. I know what you did to Lachchu when you held him for information. He told me himself. Rather, I coaxed it out of him when he was keeping his distance from me. The sweet boy was hesitating to tell me, lest I start thinking less of you. And, I know what you had to do in Delhi all those years, to rise up the ranks of British forces. Babai told me. Is there anything I am missing?’

Ram opened and closed his mouth, like a fish. She knew all this, yet she loved him. How? For what wapt reason? Could she not see that her childhood best friend had turned into a monster?

‘If you want me to say you made all the right decisions and I stand by you 100%, then you are grossly mistaken. Hurting Bheem, Lachchu, your own countrymen wasn’t right, wasn’t justified. You should spend your whole life to make up for it, if that’s what it takes. But, I also know that not everything is so black and white. Remember what your baba used to say - there is collateral damage in a war. The Pandavas had to fight and kill many friends on the opposite side - they had no choice. They didn’t know any other way’.

He listened with rapt attention, hanging on to every word she said.

‘Ram - I know you didn’t hurt your own countrymen out of spite. I know you didn’t take any pleasure from it. I know it’s eating away at you. I know you thought it was the only way, to not let your baba down. I know you are not this monster that you tout yourself to be. A monster does not carry the burden of remorse, like you do every second. I am not saying you are blameless. You should have tried harder to find another way instead of the path you chose, no matter how long it took. You came to that realisation later but it shouldn’t have come after you did what you did. But tell me - who should have told you otherwise? Who was there to guide you? You have been making every important decision of the village since you were 12 years old - you had no one to look to for support. You didn’t know any better. So, I can’t bring myself to hate you. I can’t bring myself to love you any lesser.’

Overwhelmed with emotion, Ram reached out to her and rested his head on her shoulder, seeking comfort in her embrace. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and patted his head gently. Suddenly, he felt like his 10 year old self, seeking her out when he got too overwhelmed. She was the only one who could soothe him then, and it seemed to be the case even now.

Knowing that she knew everything made him feel lighter. Knowing that she still loved him despite all this made him feel utterly unworthy of her love.

He wanted to do right by her. To do justice to her. She knew that. But she had some questions of her own too.

‘Ram - is there someone else?’

He looked up from her shoulder, straight into her eyes.

‘What?’

‘Well, we have been away for a very long time. Completely out of touch for the last four years. You have been alone all this while. It’s possible someone else may have caught your eye during this period. Someone who was a companion first, then a confidante and then maybe….more. You don’t have to feel duty bound to stay with me if that’s the case. You don’t have to worry about what might happen to me, what the villagers might think about me. I can handle that. But I don’t want to come in the way of your happiness. And I definitely don’t want to force this on you - three hearts will be broken and no one will be happy.’

She continued her rant. Ram was too shocked to intervene. But when she finished and asked him again whether he had anything to say, he started with that dry, cynical laugh again.

‘You think….you think I had any mind space to fall in love with someone else while I was in a living hell? You think I would…cheat on you?’

‘No…no I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I didn’t want you to…’

‘Shhhh….it’s fine. There is no one else Sita. There could never be anyone else, if not you.’

He hugged her. And she buried her face in the crook of his neck as his hands stroked her back.

‘Ram?’

‘Hmmm.’

‘What do you feel about me?’

Neither had the strength to look at the other while he responded to it, so they stayed in the embrace.

‘You are my biggest strength. All these years, I wanted to succeed for my family but also for you. I knew they wouldn’t be around when I go back, but you would be there, waiting for me with pride. I wanted to come home to you after fulfilling my promise. You are also my moral compass. Every time I did something heinous in Delhi, I confessed it to you in a letter which I never posted. I had fallen in my eyes long back, but I was afraid to fall in yours. Your disdain, your contempt, your indifference, your disgust would break me. I won’t know what to do with myself. I would lose my centre of gravity, my only constant in life, if I lose you. I can not imagine a world or my life without you in it.’

Her tears threatened to spill over, but she willed them away, not wanting to disturb his flow.

‘You are my oldest friend. The one person who really knows me for me. Who knows what has shaped the person I am today. Who wouldn’t hesitate to show me the mirror. Who would do everything to help me course correct if I stray from my path. You give me peace. You give me hope. You make me feel safe. You make me feel so…loved. In my book, you could do no wrong. You could never be not good. You are the best person I know. You and Bheem make me believe in goodness again. You are also the…most beautiful woman I know.’

She giggled in the middle of her sobs.

‘Really - what about all the city girls? Or the English women - I am sure many would have batted their eyelashes at you?’

He stroked her upper arms gently, as she continued to snuggle against him.

‘No one holds a candle to you. No one.’

She looked at him then, and wiped the lone tear that had escaped his eye.

‘Ram - I didn’t know you feel this way.’

‘How would you? I never said it before. Never showed it to you with my actions either.’

‘But I do know now, and you know what? I don’t need more. This is enough for me. Truly.’

She didn’t know whether what he said was synonymous with love. It felt close to it. Their bond was so deep, so familiar that if not in this life, he must have certainly loved her in another life.

Ram wasn’t buying it though.

‘You maybe saying it now, but will it suffice forever?’

‘Yes it will. I know it will.’

‘You are being stubborn, not really thinking it through. Are you sure you would never want your spouse to be as lovesick as say Bheem? Don’t you want what they have?’

Truth be told, while Ram knew that Bheem was a sensitive romantic at heart, he had never anticipated him to turn into such a lovesick puppy. At times, he almost wanted to whack him for all his fluffiness.

Sita was deep in thought. She had seen their bond up close and was privy to most of his thoughtful gestures. She had seen the giddiness on Jenny’s face every time she spoke about him or about something he had done for her. She had seen the way Bheem sought her out in any gathering, his eyes always searching for her. The way his face lit up when he spotted her. The stolen glances, the brushing of hands, the little whispers - the excitement of new love. The joy of discovering new things about your partner. And Ofcourse, …….the intimacy of their bond.

Ram was thinking the exact same things when she spoke again.

‘I will be lying if I say I haven’t thought about all that. It is exciting, it makes my heart ache a little and I do admit that. But would I take that over what we have? The answer is a resounding no.’

He was about to interrupt but she signalled him to stop.

‘I don’t need you to make flower garlands or shell necklaces for me - I know that’s not you. I don’t need you to follow me around like I am the centre of your universe. I don’t need you to drop everything and stay by my side. I don’t expect you to sing for me or cook for me or carry me around in your arms. I don’t need you to be him. I love you for you.’

‘I love how you always bring me the most interesting books, since I couldn’t be in the city & books are the only way for me to get exposure to the new world. I love how I am an equal partner in your revolution - it’s always been the two of us, together. I love how you always encourage me to grow my skills. I love how you always share everything about the revolution with me and take my opinion on key matters. I love how you want to bring me along for some of your upcoming missions, to be able to spread the knowledge among other women. I love how proud you are of me.’

‘I love that you think of me as your home because….you are the only home I have ever known. Since I remember anything, I remember you. We were bound together by life, by destiny. Why should I want the giddiness of new love, when I have the certainty & comfort of years of togetherness. Why should I want the thrill of discovering new things, when I am the one who knows you inside out? Why should I wonder what future holds for us, when I already know we would spend the rest of our lives together, however long we may have. Ram - what they have is great and I am very happy for them. But trust me, what we have is even better. It works for us.’

Ram was speechless after her passionate submission. She reached out for his hands again, holding them close to her cheeks.

‘I wish we could have both. I wish I could give you everything. It’s not fair to you. But hey, when has life ever been fair to us?

She smiled, despite her emotional state.

‘What if…what if we are never able to be…together like that? I know you love children. And don’t tell me you don’t want your own kids.’

Sita was anticipating this, the final piece of the puzzle.

‘We don’t know what the future holds for us. If we are meant to have our own kids, we will. If not, we can always adopt right? We will figure something out.’

‘Hmmmm.’

Ram had no other argument left. She had won, convincingly. And he was secretly glad about it. The chasm between them all this while had been too painful for both. He swore to never have that emotional distance from her again.

‘Its late - should we get some sleep?’

He nodded and took out the mat, while Sita laid on the cot. This was their routine. A few minutes passed and both were on the brink of sleep.

‘Sita?’

He called out from below.

‘Hmm.’

‘I can’t believe you slapped me.’

She laughed. Out loud. For the first time that night. It sounded beautiful to him. He wished she did that more often.

‘Well, someone had to do it to tell you how idiotic you can be. Bheem and I were the most likely candidates. But he would never do this to his Anna so it had to be me.’

Ram could see the logic in that, but he didn’t intend to let it go anytime soon.

‘It hurt. A lot. I think a bruise is forming.’

‘Awww. And I thought you didn’t blink an eye for 2 months when they beat you up. Yet a tiny bruise from a girl’s bare hand is hurting a lot?’

Well played, he thought. She giggled again at his concession of defeat.

He was silent for another two minutes. She was half asleep by then.

‘Sita?’

‘What now?’

‘Will you marry me?’

She suddenly became fully alert.

‘But..we were anyway supposed to…’

‘I know. Everyone just assumed that we will get married one day. Like both of us did too. But….but I never really asked you, did I? So I want to ask now, right now. Will you marry me? Not because we were always supposed to get married but because we WANT to spend whatever life we have left together?’

‘Is this your way of proposing to me? When both of us are half asleep? And after the draining talk we just had?’

‘Yes.’

‘I expected nothing different. Yes - I will marry you, Ram. In my heart, we have been married for years. But let’s do a proper ceremony for everyone, and for us, whenever we can make our way back home.’

‘Okay.’

‘Good night. Try to get some sleep now.’

He smiled. His first heartfelt smile tonight.

‘Good night, fiance.’

Two minutes more. Her soft snores started to fill the room. Sleep never came easy to Ram but he liked to watch her sleep - it gave him peace and some sense of relaxation.

But something was bothering him still. He knew he won’t get even a few hours of rest if his mind is not eased.

‘Ummm, Sita are you asleep?’

‘No. I snore while being awake. OFCOURSE I was asleep.’

‘Sorry.’

She heard the pain and restlessness in his voice.

‘What is it? The nightmares are back, are they?’

‘No, not that.’

‘What is it then? What’s bothering you?’

He spoke after a few seconds of silence.

‘Do you think I will ever be able to earn the forgiveness of my countrymen? The several who I have wronged?’

From the cot, Sita extended her arm towards him and he held her hand.

‘You have to keep trying. You have to keep fighting for our country. And one day, maybe, they will forgive you. It’s a long journey, Ram, and I will be with you every step of the way.’

He squeezed her hand in response. Thanking the universe for her.

‘Every time I see Bheem, I am reminded of the way he looked at me that night. First in disbelief, then in pain, and then broken with betrayal. But, on the day of the….punishment, he refused to look at me at all. Like I wasn’t worthy of any emotion from him, not even disgust. And yet, he….he risked his life to come back for me. How will I ever make it right with him? He refuses to even talk about it. He refuses to let me apologise.’

She knew how much this pained him. Hurting Bheem had broken him the most.

‘First of all, you need to apologise to everyone who was there and is scarred by that memory. Not just Bheem. But his friends who accompanied him to Delhi and also, Jenny.’

‘I have spoken to her. Somewhat. But yeah, don’t think I have apologised explicitly. And Lachchu - I tried many times but he just tolerates my presence somehow. That will take time. I will speak to the others.’

‘Good. And about Bheem - ask him to show you his scars.’

‘His what?’

‘The scars that he got from the lashing. And from being beaten up while in captivity. Ask him to show them to you.’

‘Aren’t they…aren’t they healed by now?’

‘No. They are better but far from being healed. Jenny is still applying the salve twice a day.’

He felt sick to the core. Bheem hadn’t told him this, of course he didn’t. And he hadn’t asked, the coward that he was. Then and now.

‘But…what…what good would that do?’

‘It’s the only way both of you will face the reality of what happened. You are both brushing it under the carpet, thinking it will just go away. The physical scars will go away, Ram, but the emotional scars will fester the longer they are unaddressed. He says he is fine but subconsciously, he is hurting too. Ask him what he felt, what he had to go through. Ask him how he spent the two months in hiding, struggling to make ends meet. Living with the worst betrayal of his life. Have a real conversation with him about this. Not the superficial one you both do, where you guys just say how much you love each other and it’s all fine. No, it’s not fine. You have to work on it to make it fine, to be able to move on.’

Ram stayed still as her words echoed in the quiet of the night.

‘When did you become so wise?’

‘When you became this stupid. Needed to restore the balance.’

They stayed like that - her on the cot and him on the mat, arms outstretched, holding hands. The sound of her calm breathing lulling him to a few hours of sleep, without any nightmares.

.......................................................................

Phew! I hope I did them justice. As always, would love to hear your thoughts :)

Shout out to @fangirlshrewt97 for brainstorming some of the scenes with me.

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @yehsahihai @budugu @maraudersbitchesassemble @juhiiiiii @justmeand-myinsight @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @bromance-minus-the-b @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland @annieginny @chaanv @ssabriel @sally-for-sally @milla984 @doodlesofthelastpage @boochhaan @mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @ladydarkey @teddybat24 @stanleykubricks @stuckyandlarrystuff @burningsheepcrown @veteran-fanperson @voidsteffy @ronika-writes-stuff @beingmes-blog @yonderghostshistories @nisreenart @chaidrivenwhore @bheemaxrama @carminavulcana @umbrulla @mizutaama @rosefulmadness @gifseafins

[balletandbow]

Never in my life will I tell anyone else that their feelings or experience with homeschooling are incorrect or invalid or wrong. What I will say is that homeschooling can be and is done right, and that I think I was lucky enough to experience it myself.

My mother was a kindergarten teacher before she had kids, and worked as a nanny once I was born so she could stay with me more. By the time I was ready for kindergarten (my birthday is in August, I was barely 5) we were living in the middle of nowhere and I would have had an hour round trip bus ride every day. Our state had few laws prohibiting homeschooling, and this was literally what my mom's degree was in, so she just taught me.

We moved a couple years later, and by the time we hit the upper years of my mom's ed degree we had enrolled in the local school district's homeschooling supervision program. Every year my mother made a list of the curriculum she had chosen for me (and eventually my two brothers) and turned it in to a certified teacher who was assigned to supervise us. We did pretty much anything you can think of. English was separated into reading and writing (so many different books and so many essays oh my god), math (with a textbook fear not), history (my mom pulled out weird Manifest Destiny books out and added extra books from indigenous authors), science (I got my iPod taken away for pretending to do my work when I didn't lmao), and so many field trips and fun things that are so much easier to do when most kids are in school.

We participated in the weekly class that the supervision program offered starting when I was in 5th grade. Every Wednesday afternoon we would spend 3 hours with other homeschooled kids, doing theatre, art, or some kind of history or science project depending on the time of year. The middle and high school groups put on a full play in a semester every year. A few other kids and I who were supervised by the same teacher formed a little club and made our parents let us meet up a second time a week and we got to help make the play sets and generally were little nerds.

In middle school I started taking classes at our public middle school. I was there for math because my supervising teacher had me take a placement test when my mom decided to change math curriculums and they had decided I was ready for Algebra a little early. I also went for choir, because I liked to sing. I ended up taking math at the public school all the way through high school because our district had an advanced math track that let me take Algebra 2, Pre calc, and Calc AB in 3 years and I liked math too much to say no to that. I also took 4 years of Spanish, AP Lang, chemistry, art, theater, and lots of choir.

I had friends at school and I had friends at my homeschool stuff. I got to do a year of history curriculum learning about the early day of the Christian church. My freshman year of high school the writing part of my English curriculum was literally to write a novel. It sounds crazy looking back on it but it was so much fun, and I learned literally so much, which was indeed the point.

When the pandemic hit in the spring of my junior year our public schools all closed for the year. We kept homeschooling. I took all my senior year public school classes from our basement. It was hard, but not all that different than what I did with my other subjects. I started college in the fall of 2021 and discovered that it's really very similar to what I had already been doing. Go learn from the professor. Do your work on your own time. Come back, get feedback, and do it again.

I move in for my senior year of college in a week. There's a lot of discussions about pretty much every aspect of education happening in the world, from the pandemic to asynchronous classes to homeschooling and indoctrination to free lunches. There's a lot of bad homeschoolers out there, and there's a lot of kids who were never taught what they needed to learn to be successful adults. This is just what me and my family did. It definitely shaped me as a person, but as I'm getting older it's becoming less important to my life, which to me signals that my parents and various teachers did a good job.

[raw-law]

Pride months over (unfortunately), and ill be back in school by the end of july.. I HATE HIGH SCHOOL T-T

Im a smart kid according to what my other classmates say and they think i just get by easily (I DONT). I hate our school system so much i even considered my career in the department of education ^_^

Every single day i wake up at around 4 ish, i dont even set an alarm anymore because my eyes just automatically open around those times since i got used to doing all the time. My house is pretty far from school and bc the road is kind of narrow, traffic jams happen alllll the time so i had to leave early too. Did i mention how HOT it in our country, like regardless if its summer or not it feels as if you're a rotisserie chicken in a microwave. There were at least 13 or 15 students who fainted due to heat stroke and im one of them. One of the guys in my class were playing basketball and fainted during a match bc of heat stroke, when he woke up they still made him play :// we have to arrive at school before 6:40am, the gate closes after.. no, we dont have school buses for some reason. Everyday the teachers expect us to know every lesson so we would get to do quizzes right after the lecture. We have 10 subjects in total and everyday we have homework. Every two weeks we have exams. After those exams we get back to the lectures but we have projects that are due right before exams, we have 1 project per subject but nc we have to finish it before exams, that'll be 2 weeks. So 10 projects done in 2 weeks, along with homework. School ends at around 4pm but since i live a bit far + traffic, i arrive home at 6. I do chores for an hour and i have to eat dinner so i finish at 8 ish. I have to do my projects and homework for 4 hours which is barely enough time (i make up for it during lunch break so i tend to forget to eat which leads to me not understanding the very short lessons the teachers give). For 1 hour i study my current lessons and if i have time i advance study future lessons. I go to sleep at 1am. Once a month, our class gets an earful by teachers because we dont finish our tasks and we'll eventually fail. Aughshhhhhhhh Ill have to repeat this cycle for a couple more years but i genuinely hope theres a better school out there that ill like that wont treat me like garbage.

Anyways, Light, L, if you guys put yourselves in my shoes, do you think you would survive a whole year studying in my school?

L:

honestly, that sounds a lot like the experiences i've had with the educational system, save for the part about heatstrokes. (that sounds... highly concerning...)

i ended up attending a college preparatory school after passing the qualifications needed to get in. seems very similar to the circumstances you seem to be facing. waking up at 4 a.m., getting home two hours late because of traffic, taking quizzes right after lectures and overall just being expected to stay at the top of everything. very hellish overall, and that's only school. that's not even taking account the rest of life's cruelty.

i was lucky to make it out with a 4.0 last year, but it came at the cost of.. well. revolving life around academia and nothing else.

so, to answer your question, i do think i'd survive since i know what it's like to be in your shoes. you're definitely not alone in this suffering. however, since i understand said suffering, i would never willingly go through another version of it unless i was gaining something incredibly worthwhile, and i'm also deeply sorry that you have to experience such a horrid system at all.. good luck, soldier.

Light:

Well, actually, our school system here is rather notorious for producing gifted burnout kids, though we did score first for Math, Science and English in some standardised test whose name I can't remember.

It's hard, honestly. We're expected to plan school events and study and organise things among our classes and participate in school clubs and take third language classes. And since our school is the top school in my country we're learning things that normally we'd only learn 2 years later. At least, that's been my experience. And I know classmates who can't take the stress and have breakdowns one day, or who go to the toilet and cry because their A1 grade isn't a 'high enough A1). This is my second year in this school, and for the first I've been lucky enough to maintain the highest grades for all my subjects, but this year it's getting harder and the only way I'm getting through it is by studying.

You're definitely not alone. Hopefully it'll come as more of a comfort if you know we're all in this together. You can do it! And good luck, we're always here for you if you need it.

[starrysimps]

Water Fountain [K. Ayato x Fem!Reader (Modern College AU)] ✨Part Two✨

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    The next morning I awoke, Ayaka was making breakfast in our shared kitchen. I yawned as I walked over to the counter. “Good morning Ayaka.” I said. “Oh, good morning [Name]. How did you sleep?” Ayaka asked. “I slept alright, how about you?” I asked. “I slept well, thanks to you waking me up from sleeping on that desk.”  Ayaka said as she laughed a bit. “Yeah… It looked like you had been working a lot.” I said. “Yeah, I’m almost done with planning the school festival.” She replied. “That’s good. Hopefully once it's over, you’ll be able to get more rest.” I said. Ayaka nodded in agreement.

     “Oh, by the way [Name]. Did I tell you that we’ll be having a guest over today?” Ayaka asked. “No, you didn’t.” I replied. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought that I had already told you about it last week.” She said. “It’s alright, but do you mind if I ask who it is? Is it a guy?” I asked Ayaka. “Of course, it’s my brother. His name is Ayato. Oh, and Thoma and Yoimiya will be coming over as well.” Ayaka said. My eyes widened after hearing Ayaka’s words. “I didn’t know that you had a brother.” I said. Ayaka only nodded once again at my words. “I do. Have I not mentioned him to you before?” She asked. I shook my head no. “Oh, well as I said his name is Ayato. He is my older brother, and he is CEO of the Yashiro Company.” Ayaka said. “CEO?!” I asked, even more shocked. Ayaka laughed. “Yes, he took over my fathers company.” She said. “Oh, that’s interesting…” I replied. “What time is he going to be here?” I asked her. “He should be here around 4:00 pm, shortly after he finishes with his work.” Ayaka stated. “Oh and Thoma and Yoimiya will be coming over around 3:00 pm.” She added. “Okay, well I might be a little late getting back this afternoon. I have to talk to one of my professors about something after class.” I stated. “Oh, well hopefully you won’t be too long then.” Ayaka replied. I nodded in agreement.  Ayaka handed me a plate of breakfast. It was [Favorite Breakfast]. I thanked her and ate the breakfast.

      Once I had finished breakfast, I headed to my first class of the day. It was my history class. One of the guys from my class named Itto pulled a prank on our teacher. He brought fake bugs into the classroom and put them onto the teachers desk. She was terrified of bugs. The teacher screamed as she walked into the classroom and saw them, everyone couldn’t help but laugh. Then one started moving and Itto realized that he had actually used real bugs instead of the fake ones in his pocket. All he said was “Oops…”. Needless to say, he got detention for two days. After that, all of my other classes had went by smoothly.

     It was now the end of my English class, which was also my last class. My professor had wanted to talk to me about something, so I stayed after class. He pulled out a few papers from his desk. He told me that I should consider taking an advanced English class since I was good at it. He gave me a form to take with me and think about it.

     Once I had gotten out of the classroom, I checked to see what time it was. It was 4:08 pm. I didn’t expect it to take so long talking to my professor. I was going to be just a little late getting back to mine and Ayaka’s dorm. About ten minutes of walking later, I finally made it to the dorm.

     I opened the door and could hear chatter and laughter coming from the living room. I walked into my room and set my stuff down neatly, and then I made my way into the living room. “Oh [Name]! Good, you’re here.” Ayaka said. “Yeah, sorry that took a little longer than I thought it would…” I replied. “That’s alright, no need to be rushed.” Ayaka said. I looked around for a second, only noticing Thoma and Yoimiya. “Where is your brother?” I asked Ayaka. “Oh, he had a quick phone call that he needed to take. He should be done in just a minute.” She said. Ayaka handed me a freshly poured cup of [Favorite Drink]. “So [Name], how was your day?” Thoma asked me. “It was well, Itto pranked our teacher with bugs and got detention though.” I stated. Yoimiya laughed a little bit. “That wasn’t very nice.” Thoma said. “I know, but it was still funny to watch when he realized that they were real bugs instead of the fake ones that he had brought to use.” I said.

     We continued to wait for Ayato to join us. As I was taking  a sip of my drink, I heard the outside door open. A tall man walked into our living room. I almost choked on my drink as I realized who it was. He sat next to Ayaka and smiled at me. “Ah, you must be [Name]. My sister tells me a lot about you.” He said. “Yeah… You must be Ayato… Uh, it's nice to meet you.” I said. “It’s nice to meet you as well.” Ayato replied. “Are you alright [Name]?” Ayaka asked, as she looked a bit concerned. “Yes, I’m totally fine.” I replied.

      I whispered to Thoma and Yoimiya to meet me in my room in five minutes, they both nodded. A few minutes later, I excused myself for a minute. Soon after, the two of them met me in my room. “What’s up [Name]? Are you okay?” Yoimiya asked. “I’m fine, but this isn’t my first time meeting Ayato.” I replied. “Ah, so that’s why you were acting a little weird then.” Thoma added. “Yeah…” I said. “Well then, how do you know Ayato?” Yoimiya asked. I explained the situation to them, and told them that Ayato was the guy from last night. Both of their eyes were wide when I told them.

[calamitys-child]

*raises tea mug at u* ok Aidan tell us the tale of the pettiest thing you've ever done (that's you're willing to share on tungle.hell, ofc)

Oooooooooooooh good QUESTION omg. I actually don't have a ton I think are worth sharing? Growing up, despite being not infrequently bullied or faced with unfair situations, including by teachers, I tended not to have big fights with folk in interesting ways. Now as an adult I simply try not to be petty I think you should either commit to Negotiating or Mean. That said! I am a little cunt who does not want to deal with bullshit so sometimes petty bitching is the shortest route to a resolution, yken?

I have a couple that stick in my head but the funniest one is probably one that happened when I was a wean, like 9-10 years old.

When I was in primary school my year was split across 2 classes, and we swapped between classes so we could split groups like maths and English into groups based on what level they're studying at. In p7 (oldest primary school age, approx age 10) the Other class was run by a guy called Mr C who FUCKING SUCKED. FUCK that guy. The absolute epitome of "cringe of you, an adult, to have beef with a 9 year old". But unfortunately, I was put in his group a Lot.

He once yanked my chair out from under me so I fell over for no fucking reason. He once yelled at me for knowing the difference between a summary and a synopsis. He sent me to the head teacher's office for being at a dentist appointment which he was informed of a week in advance. He forced me to go out publicly and perform in a dress despite me begging for any other role or costume. I got thrown down two flights of stairs by a bully and he yelled at me for damaging school property because i was holding a laptop (the laptop was fine, i limped for a week). He had an affair with another teacher at the school which was a VERY POORLY KEPT secret and BOTH OF THEM had kids at the school and I take some comfort still in knowing their whole family are never going to live any of that down and everyone knows how embarrassing they are. He's a prick who thinks he's better than everyone and he sucks.

Growing up, my dad worked multiple jobs to keep money coming in. One job was bar manager at a fairly well known local theatre, another was like. Keeping practice areas clear and well maintained and helping out in training exercises for a local sports arena. He worked really hard, I basically never saw him in summer cause he took so much holiday overtime to keep money coming in. We were comfortable enough, but never more than securely working class, we never took holidays or anything.

When my school year wanted to put on our p7 play, we took sponsorships from local businesses to help fund props, script licensing, etc. My dad offered a raffle prize - two ticket vouchers from his theatre job. Mr C did not believe these were from his job, but had to accept it eventually.

A couple weeks later I was talking to my friend as we came back inside from break about something that happened at my dad's sports arena job the day before. Mr C overheard and, like any adult who is secure in themself (deeply sarcastic), dragged me up in front of the class to yell at me for lying. I distinctly remember something like "next you'll be trying to tell people your dad owns Nintendo and plays fitba for Scotland. You're not special. Grow up". Reduced me to tears to make himself feel better for no reason.

Parents evening was the next week. My dad and I schemed together a bit and he showed up in full sports arena uniform with name tag, wearing his theatre keys and ID badge around his neck. He wore that again to our show performance. And my graduation.

Technically my dad's pettiness at least as much as mine, but it sticks in my mind as the first time I ever got so mad at someone and decided to stick up for myself in a way other than just punching the cunt in the face in righteous 8yo fury