#i did play the console one.. with like. lots of water? but. not for long gHG

[charlesxavierthirster3000]

Burdened — L. Howlett

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Fem!Reader

Summary: Based on this request!!!!

CW/Tags: not proofread bc I literally finished this at 5am 😭, Logan is an ASS, a lot lot of feelings, lowk heavy angst I THINK, no use of Y/N, don't like don't read.

A/N: @rambosgirl Ily girlie I really enjoyed writing this :33 I AM SO INSANELY SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG !!!!!!! Also while writing the ending of this my Spotify Smart Shuffle fucking played First Love/Late Spring by Mitski and I swear it knows how fitting it is bro wtaf ok LAST statement but like this is my first 1K+ word fic are you guys proud of me :33 I'm starting this at like 3am so don't bully me if the ending doesnt' make sense ok byeeeeeeeee

WC: 1.6K (get comfy guys) / Navigation

It was unnecessarily irritating. And frankly really, really fucked up.

Anytime you turned your back from a seemingly butterfly-inducing interaction with Logan, you found him all over Jean as if he wasn’t just chatting you up four minutes ago.

Jean Grey was—from what you’ve surveyed over your time at the mansion—not really phased, despite her somewhat established relationship with Scott. She was intelligent and good-natured, flashing you sickeningly sweet smiles in the corridors and occasionally complimenting your outfits as if hers weren’t twice as stunning.

But every time you spotted Logan gazing down at her with the look you thought he’d reserved for your eyes only, the image of perfection the redheaded telepath had materialised in front of you dissipated like a glass of ice left to liquefy under the scorching sun.

Because she never pushed him away, and she was so clearly inevitably attracted, whether she displayed it or not. It was virtually written all across her sharp features, and you knew the same was scripted all over your own when speaking to Logan.

That dip your heart made every time you saw the two’s chemistry from afar; it wasn't just blatant jealousy. 

It was deeper.

It was nastier.

It clung to your insides like a weight you couldn't possibly shake off. The constant sense that you were just a swift distraction, a momentary diversion from the real object of his desire. 

It ate you up from the inside out and exhausted you to no end.

When Storm or Rogue cautiously approached you and tried to console you, you shrugged it off as if it was some uncomplicated highschool sweetheart drama. They knew damn well it wasn’t. Your conflicting feelings for Logan were gradually making you lose yourself— your well-built dignity. You were slowly but surely morphing into someone you didn’t even recognise. Someone who accepted being second best without any contemplation.

All for a man who was immortal. All for someone who presumably considered you a fleeting paragraph in his primitive life while he was an entire novel in yours.

You wanted— needed to locate yourself in the vast body of water which was your feelings. You needed your sense of self-worth to reappear by a miracle, nevertheless, you knew it would take immense time and exertion to track it back down.

But in a wretched attempt to do so, you settled on a fairly elaborate plan and started disregarding each one of Logan’s advances. Suddenly, you conveniently had somewhere else to be every time he approached, you pulled back and overlooked his easy smiles along with the playful banter you practically used to feed off of.

At first, it felt as if you were reclaiming some of your power, spotting his perplexed looks in your peripheral vision as you wandered off to God knows where. But of course, everything you did came back to bite you in the ass. If anything, it only made the truth clearer. He barely even noticed, and if he did, he didn’t give a single shit.

And Jean? She remained unbothered, untouchable— flawless, even. You were the mastermind of this whole game, yet you were the only one losing.

After a particularly humiliating stretch of witnessing Logan and Jean’s shared giggles and stolen looks from across the table, you ultimately found your resolve. Alcohol really was liquid courage, because after a few drinks and several stabs of food, you closed in on them lounging on the couch post-meal. 

Logan’s bare arm was extended across the back of the grimy cushions behind Jean like some kind of cheesy rom-com, cowlicks a prominent silhouette against the weak flickering of the television. But no matter how much you resented them— her, you would never even come by the opportunity to be in the redhead’s position.

“Howlett,” you enunciated, voice sharp enough to slice through the ambient noise like a shard of glass.

Howlett. No other soul could call him that without repercussions. Aside from you. That was why you felt so unique, so distinct from the others, that was the crumb of specialty you were desperately clinging on to.

He shifts to glance over his shoulder, a spark of recognition igniting within him at the sound of your voice—not missing the shred of urgency concealed beneath it. “Hm? What's up?”

You hesitate with your next words, intently but subtly taking in his scruffy features in the dimmed lighting for what felt like it could be the final time. Because after this, you knew for a fact neither one of you could view each other in the same way. You were the one who let him under your skin, you were the one who had to tear him out, and it unfortunately was an agonisingly slow process.

“We need to talk.”

Four words. Yet, it still gave you the sensation of several weights placed upon your back; the unavoidable impending argument, manipulation spat right into your face, and the most dreaded of all, how circumstances would be after tonight.

His expression stiffened mildly as he reluctantly got up from the couch, aged leather groaning beneath his weight. The sensation of Jean abruptly invading the back of your mind was extremely unsettling and even though she appeared unphased, she, without a question, detected your abnormal uneasiness and was gingerly flicking through your thoughts.

Which was apprehensive, to say the least.

Logan fell into step with you as you departed from one of the many doddering living rooms, proceeding to a more secluded space nearing the obnoxious stairs in front of the grand entryway, mansion almost bizarrely silent with all the kids asleep. Jean wasn’t in your head anymore, but she undoubtedly already knew your objectives to the script.

You halted and so did Logan, weight finding its position set upon the auburn wood of the stairs. 

He eyed you with undivided attention. Your stomach threatened to do a fucking flip despite the conditions, the look nearly making you scrap all of this and go right back to being his side piece regardless of the anguish it put your mind through. But you dug your heels in, the clearing of your throat echoing sharply off the vacant walls.

You square your shoulders and tilt your chin up boldly, aiming to stand your ground. “What the hell am I to you? Because from what I see and a whole lot of other people do, I’m just an afterthought. Filler for the gaps Jean left open. Care to elaborate on that, Howlett?” 

He sighed, glancing at the wall behind you as if he was already fed up. “It’s not like that, bub. You’re makin’ it bigger than it is.”

Your blood scorched at the casual dismissal. Your voice inevitably rose but doesn’t go over a whisper, “Don’t patronise me, Logan,” you scoff. “I’m not some stupid kid with a stupid crush, so don’t let your ego get out of hand. I’ve watched you get all up on her, and then come to me when she’s got a class. Do you even fucking hear yourself?” 

His jaw stiffened, his own frustration growing. “You really think it’s that easy? I never asked you to get involved. You know how it is with me and her. You don’t get how fucked my life is, it’s your own fuckin’ fault things got messy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go sulk somewhere else, I don’t give a shit how crappy your life is. It doesn’t take much to be a decent fucking human!— mutant, whatever. I’m not gonna let you come crying to me when things don’t work out with Jean. I’m worth more than that. You can’t see that, it’s your damn problem, not mine.”

He was visibly trying to find his footing, and you took it as an opportunity to carry on, “It’s not my fault this got sloppy. You can’t just invite a woman for a nice drive and end up throwing her out the door a moment later. You knew damn well what you were doing to m—” 

“You don’t know what I gotta deal with every day. It’s difficult. I never wanted it to get like this. You were the one overthinkin’ it.”

You shook your head forcefully, exasperation boiling over. “I don’t give a fuck, Logan— stop hiding behind that, you don’t even remember half of your damn life! It’s not messy, it’s cruel. I’ve had my own trouble, but I don’t use it as an excuse to hurt people who care about me. Don’t put all of it on my back.”

He opens his mouth to retort, but you cut him off. “Don’t. Don’t say anything. I’ve dealt with you for half my time here. I’ve had enough of your bullshit.” A flash of remorse graced his eyes but it didn’t do a thing. 

“I’m not your backup plan. I’m not waiting for you to look at me the way you look at Jean. I deserve someone who doesn’t just act like they give a shit. I’ve made my choice and you’ve made yours. I’m done. Goodnight, Howlett.”

With a harsh turn of your heel, you walked away with a heavy heart. But your head was clear for the first time in months, your shoulders were lighter, and the clarity you felt nearly blew your veins out. It would be painstakingly tough to face him tomorrow morning, but you knew you would get over it eventually.

Also i just realised in the morning Washing Machine Heart works WAYYy better but it's whatever I guess 😮‍💨

[frankenkyle19]

can you write about frankenkyle and fem reader giving him shower and comforting him because he was scared of water 🥹

Absolutely! This was a quick little one because I leave to get on my plane in less than 48 hours and should be packing but am instead writing… oh well

——————————————————————————

Rubber Ducky 🧼

Kyle didn’t put up a fight much if at all really. He let you do as you pleased to him. Dressing him, helping him eat and even tucking him in at night. But there was one thing Kyle absolutely hated and let it be very very known.

Baths. Showers. Water. He hated it. Maybe it was a result from his trauma, or maybe it just didn’t feel comfortable on his scarred, sewn together skin. Maybe a mix of both. But one thing was for sure- Every time he needed to get washed up, he put up a fight.

You tried to console him. Telling him it would be over soon, but he still cried and groaned, shaking his head as his doe brown eyes begged for you not to do it. You hated seeing him upset, but he really did need a wash. It had been far too long and he didn’t exactly smell pleasant.

You had tricked him into coming into the bathroom under false pretenses, saying that there was something cool you wanted to show him. You felt bad about this too, but it did work. You quickly shut the door behind him and stood in front of it, blocking his path if he tried to escape.

Now realistically, if he wanted to leave, he could. He was a lot stronger than you and could easily overpower you. Luckily, Kyle was a gentle giant and tried his best to be as careful as possible, not wanting to hurt a hair on your head.

His eyes widened in fear as he saw the bathtub half filled with water, soapy bubbles and a rubber ducky catching his eye. The bright yellow of the duck intrigued him a bit and he glanced back at you before nodding.

He clumsily took his shirt off before he looked at you for help with his pants. He trusted you completely, and though at times he was a bit jumpy, he knew you’d never do anything to hurt him. He trusted you. Loved you even, if his mind could understand and comprehend exactly what that meant.

You smiled softly and helped him slide off the rest of his clothing, leaving him stark naked in front of you. His body was a mismatch of parts, slightly varying in skin tone, scars lining each different piece of him. He still looked perfect to you though.

He tensed as he stepped into the tub, sitting in the water and looking back up at you for reassurance. You smiled softly and grabbed the rubber ducky in hand, showing it to Kyle who quickly took it, smiling a bit as he watched it float on the soapy water.

Once he was distracted, you carefully reached over and turned the shower head on, the spray startling Kyle who’s eyes went wide as he tried to back himself up into the corner of the tub away from it.

You turned it off as quickly as it had been turned on. Okay. He didn’t like that but seemed to accept sitting in the bath, so that’s what you’d do.

He calmed once again and played with the rubber duck, covering it in the soapy bubbles before splashing around it to make it appear again. His small laughs and mumbles made your heart ache (in a good way) seeing how much more comfortable he was becoming with everyday activities such as bathing.

Soon enough you had taken a washcloth and washed him off, handing it over to Kyle as he wanted to use it. But instead of using it on himself, the sweet boy began to wash off the rubber duck, wanting it to be just as clean as him. You then worked on his hair, which was the easiest part of this whole experience by far. He loved the feeling of your hands in his hair, nails massaging his scalp. It was heaven.

After the bath, you wrapped him in a towel and dried his damp curls with a blow dryer. He ran back to the tub, which confused you until you saw what he was doing. He carefully grabbed the rubber duck out of the water and used the edge of his towel to dry it off, smiling proudly at himself and holding up the duck triumphantly.

Each action from the zombie boy made your heart melt a little bit more.

[arabellatreaty]

Fushiguro Megumi: For Her

Content: Wife AU, Mother AU, Sorcerer AU, Fluff

Synopsis: You and Megumi are happily married and have a son. One evening, while returning home from a mission, you check the baby cams and find your dear husband making your favorite food, struggling but motivating himself by saying it's for you.

Word count: 1K

Being a wife and a mother, you already have an overwhelming amount of duties but the higher-ups of the Jujutsu society did not sympathize with you. Nanami-san was right, even being a Grade 3 sorcerer, you were worked to the bone and barely rewarded.

Right now, you were returning home from a 2-day long mission Principal Yaga had sent you on, saying, "Only you can do it". You worry about how Megumi and your son did in those two days without you and sigh. Consequently, you pick up your phone to moniter the various baby cams set up in different rooms throughout the house.

Living room-messy and unoccupied; Bedroom-the bed had been made and the desk was tidy; Kitchen-*you gasp*, h-huh..?

What you saw made your heart miss a beat. Your son was securely sitting in his baby chair while Megumi stood at the counter with immaculate focus, his brows furrowed and his tongue poking out. His long, lean fingers preoccupied themselves in slitting tomatoes on the chopping board, on the side of which a few other chopped herbs were set. His concentration made you wonder what he was cooking that possibly required this much precision.

A glance to his left gave you the answer. The strainer, bottle of olive oil and cheese all indicated that he was making your favorite pasta. You rarely made it because of the extensive process and duration of preparing it and could not remember the last time you ate it. His close proximity to the stove made him wipe off his sweat with the back of his hand.

Next, he slid the tomatoes to a side and started chopping onions. Within a minute, his eyes started watering, but he continued while squinting them. Exactly then, the sensitive year-old started crying and he panicked. He instantly dropped the knife, however, before consoling the baby, washed his hands twice. This said a lot about him as a father. As he picked up your son and cooed words of comfort, your heart clenched. You had certainly chosen the right man.

Megumi walked out the kitchen with your son in his arms and you switched to the living room baby cam. Once the baby quieted, he sat him down on the thickly padded baby mat where all his toys lay scattered and said, "Play, Papa will be back in a while." The infant seemed to understand but babbled, "Mama?", as if inquiring. He looked at his son, touching his cheek and silently adoring him for a bit before explaining, "Yeah, for her, it's for mama." and left the baby alone to entertain itself.

Back in the kitchen, his eyes widened and his breathing grew erratic experiencing the pasta he had worked so hard in making, almost burn. Fortunately, he rescued it in time and completed crafting the delicacy by pureeing and adding the tomatoes and onions to the boiled and fried pasta. Then, he plated and garnished it with the herbs. Placing the two plates aside and cleaning up the kitchen, he went to the living room to retrieve his phone and call you.

You receive his call and answer, "I missed you so much, Gumi! How are you two?" He replied, "Nothing much", but you both knew that was a lie. He questions, "When will you reach", so you look outside and smile, "Just did", you say.

After Ijichi-san unloaded your luggage, you were so ecstatic to finally be home that you were almost skipping on the way to your apartment. It felt like being back in highschool and meeting your boyfriend after so long but what made it even better was your toddler waiting at home for you as well. You ring the doorbell, anticipating how you would greet your family after a period that seemed so long yet wasn't.

The door opens and Megumi gives you a tired smile and unbeknownst to him, you were aware why. You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him down, and pressed your forehead against his. He wrapped his arms around you, giving you much needed warmth. After a moment, the embrace was broken and he urged you to directly go inside and followed behind with your luggage.

You entered the living room and smiled wide when you saw your child, engrossed in playing. It took him a minute to notice you intently staring at him but when he did, he reached his arms forward, exclaiming, "Mama!" You rushed to pick him up and shower him with kisses on his eyes, forehead, nose chin, cheeks and lips, telling him how much you missed him regardless that he would not understand.

You put him down and turn around to be met with sight of a worn-out Megumi headed to the kitchen. You abruptly hug him from behind, wrapping your arms around his torso and resting your head on his lean yet broad back as he intertwined his fingers with yours. "Now your turn~!", you announce as he turns around and you attack him with kisses. You kiss every inch of his face, jaw, neck and collarbones, not leaving a single part unloved.

He laughed, trying to get you off of him but to stuck to him like a leech till you were satisfied. After the unexpected bombardment of love, he said,"I made dinner" and without missing a beat, you replied with, "I know". The puzzled expression left his face only a moment later when he realized, "Oh right, the babycam...", he said shyly, rubbing his neck, clearly embarrassed. You looked up at him as you took his hand in yours while blushing, "I love you", you said, making him blush too.

[mindingmybidness12]

Taken Care Of [Jenna Ortega x GN! Reader]

Summary: You show Jenna how capable you are of watching over your home while she's gone (Yeah fucking right!). You also prove that you are the one that's best suited to take care of her.

Warnings: Fluff, little cursing

************************************************************************

“There she is! There goes… the girl that I … enjoy…”

Jenna just looked at you.

“There goes my cinnamon sugar queen.”

“….”

“My baby girl… my tall mocha latte.”

“We both know I’m not tall. Are you fucking playing with me right now?”

“I meant tall as in the Starbucks cup size… get it? Cause your so sh-“

Jenna took a step towards you.

“Ok! Shutting up now!”

“Really? Not gonna ask how I’ve been? What I’ve been up to? I just got home.”

That was a loaded question and you both knew it. But instead of saying anything that may get her to snap you decided to play along and hope that you could talk her down.

“Heyy, honey… how’s it going? How was your trip?”

“It was fun! The trip was good! But as for feeling… I’m left wondering.”

“yeah?”

“Yeah… I’m wondering why my mattress is on FIRE ON MY DRIVEWAY!!!”

“Now I can explain-“

“Explain. Now.”

"See what had happened was that piss had gotten onto the mattress-"

"What???"

"So me being that loving lover of yours, I decided to take the initiative and clean it up myself!"

"And how'd that work out for you, you big dumb idiot?" Jenna asked through that hooded eyed stare of hers. She couldn't decide on whether she should kick your ass or roast you. It looked like it would be both in a minute.

"Quite well, actually! Well.. up to the point where I drown the bed like the titanic. I think I went a little crazy with the water and soap."

"A little?"

"Ok maybe a lot." You acquiesced.

"Ok were gonna skip over the part where your GROWN ASS GOT PISS ALL OVER OUR BED and get to the part where you set it on fire even though it WAS FUCKING SOAKED!!"

Well so much for not setting her off.

"Ok well long story short, I decided to use all the blow dryers we had (all of two really) and cranked them up to MAXIMUM POWAH. I was duel wielding those bitches like John Wick, you should've seen it. It was going great...a little too great as you saw."

"...well this has to be a new record of yours. I've never wanted to throttle you so hard so soon after coming back."

"J-jenna, baby! Let's be reasonable here-."

"REASONABLE??!!!!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs, "I was being reasonable when I asked you to explain why I shouldn't catch a murder charge over your dumbass and what did you give me? 'I pissed on the bed, drowned it, then set it on fire’. Then you had the nerve to leave it on the driveway..." She now grabbed her head in both hands to stave off the oncoming headache. You would console her at this point but you were more focused on what she said.

"Jenna... I never said I pissed on the bed." You called out and she looked at you with more irritation and a healthy amount of concern.

"Y/N... are you telling me SOMEONE ELSE peed on the bed?"

*Bark* *Bark*

Jenna's eye widened and she whipped around behind and stared towards the kitchen. She looked back at you to look for what you assumed was a confirmation but that was taken out of your hands by the surprised you had planned for her.

*Bark!* *Bark!* *Bark!*

Jenna ran towards the kitchen in a hurry and you followed at a more leisurely pace. When you got to the kitchen you saw her eyes lighting up as she turned towards you, arms full with the cutest, chubbiest, most wrinkly baby bulldog the world had ever bore witness to. Her eyes were tearing up as she looked towards the salmon dinner you cooked for her along with the unlit candles, the flowers, and the chocolates on the counter.

"I already got the chocolates and flowers you had delivered to me while I was away. Valentine's Day already passed you didn't have to do this." She croaked out, voice thick with emotion as she tried to fight off the tears.

She had the most beautiful smile on her face and the love in her eyes made any pain you had ever felt in your life worth feeling just to be here in this moment. Despite your heart nearly beating out of your chest, you had a witty remark already forming on your tongue.

"Did you really think you could escape my icky gooey lovey-dovey wrath by skipping town? No chance in hell! Ain't that right, Doug?"

"Doug?"

"Yeah I named him Doug. I think it fits, no?"

Jenna just mulled it over while looking over the puppy's cute face.

"Doug... Doug-man." She whispered

"The DougMeister." she continued.

"Douggin and Buggin'" You returned.

"Dougie" She said and you both looked at each other and gasped as you came to the same conclusion.

************************************************************************

'Teach me How to Dougie' blasted through the speakers as the new family of three danced in the living room while the furniture people replaced the bed with a better one. You had ordered it with same day delivery. They even took care of the now no longer burning mattress on the drive way! The night ended beautifully in your eyes. Jenna and you had that romantic, candle lit dinner that you had set up. She held your hand from across the dinner table as she needled and made funny of your ridiculously absurd struggle of setting up what was supposed to be a mostly simple surprise.

You bantered back like always and got a few more laughs out of her. After dinner, you continued to dance and play around with Doug all the while taking cute photos on the polaroid you bought just for the occasion. Jenna always went on about how she wanted to start a photo album and tonight was as good a night to start as any in your opinion.

Pretty soon, little Dougie was all tuckered out and was soon put to bed. That left you and Mama all alone...

Jenna stared at you with her eyelashes fluttering. She twirled a piece of her hair with her finger as you stared back at her.

"Well. It's pretty late and I'm sure your tired." You began only for your girlfriend to shake her head no.

"Nah. Not tired yet. But I bet you could help with that."

"Oh my?"

"Wanna help me break in the new bed?" She smirked at you with a devious look in her eyes that made your face light up like a Christmas tree.

"Yes, ma'am!"

************************************************************************

A/N: And that's that! A bit late for valentine's but here it is! I hope you like it and I'll see you when I see you!.

[pillow-anime-talk]

33. "Let's stay like this forever, please." for hajun yeon from paradox live, maybe in a context where mc fem wants to comfort him so she extends her arms to give him a hug because she saw hajun down / sad, a soft moment hehe uvu

# tags: scenario; current relationship; soft romance; fluff; comforting; hugs; sfw

includes: female reader ft. hajun yeon {paradox live; bae}

author’s note: hope you like it, anonnie!

33. “Let’s stay like this forever, please.”

The last week had been incredibly tiring for Hajun; not only had he played four concerts in Osaka, Tokyo, Kyoto and Fukuoka, then had a fight with Allen while writing a new song for his upcoming album, but on top of that, the atmospheric pressure had given him a massive headache that even a pill couldn’t handle. That’s why the twenty-one-year-old hadn’t been able to do anything productive today except lie down, sleep and drink a lot of water.

You came back from work after three in the afternoon and you immediately felt on your skin that something was wrong. Hajun hadn’t been playing on the console, tapping his fingers on the counter looking for inspiration, singing to himself, taking a shower or cooking dinner for the two of you like he usually did when you went on morning shifts. However, you could feel a dead aura coming from the bedroom, and as soon as you peeked out from behind the threshold to see what was going on with your boyfriend, you felt slightly sad when you saw him sleeping and cuddled up to your pillow. On the nightstand you also saw a pack of headache pills and a glass of water with an ice cube that was slowly melting.

Not wanting to wake your partner from his sleep, you slowly went to the kitchen to prepare a quick meal and a warm drink for the two of you; you decided on simple onigiri with tuna paste, sriracha and pumpkin cocoa with lots of small marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. You finished the preparations in less than an hour, and at the very end you placed eight onigiri wrapped in nori on a tray next to two cups of drink.

After turning off the light in the kitchen, you went to the bedroom, put the trays on the nightstand, and then sat down on the bed, touching Hajun’s warm forehead. He didn’t seem to have a fever and he definitely wasn’t sick, but you knew perfectly well how he reacted to high blood pressure and stress.

“Hey... Hajun…?” You whispered, not wanting to scare him. The boy opened one eyelid, then the other, then frowned at another attack of pain in the temples of his skull. “I made some snack for us... Does it hurt a lot?” You asked worriedly, to which he nodded slightly. “Aw. Poor thing.” You sat on your ankles next to him, massaging his head. This caress didn’t last long, however, because after a moment your boyfriend grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him, causing you to fall onto the mattress and pillow right next to him. You spread your arms and without surprise you felt his head melt into your chest, and your breathing normalized.

“Let’s stay like this forever, please.”

“But our food and cho…” You started, but Hajun only hugged you tighter.

“Please.” He repeated, avoiding your gaze. After all, you hadn’t seen him in a meek, calm and submissive version for a long time.

“… Fine.” You replied, hugging his neck tighter.

You didn’t even realize when the cocoa and onigiri were forgotten and you were attacked by sleep and the desire to rest. It was a really positive ending to the day.

[seulszn]

7 days and your gone

Pairing: Abby x Reader

Warning: suicide, death, angst, no happy ending

Day 1

You didn't know how fast your life can change one moment your laughing with friends, hanging with family, planning dinner dates with your girlfriend Abby just loving life and then the next your suicidal wanting to end it all.

You asked to be alone, just for a few hours no longer you turnt your phone off and just played some music to take your mind off of it, but music wasn't working so you tried to make your favorite dish to cook but it wasn't as good as how your mom makes it, so you went to the bathroom to take a hot steamy shower the water wasn't doing anything but irritating the cuts you have so you decided on looking at yourself you stare at yourself in the mirror for hours on end not moving feeling like if you do something might change.

You stare long and hard at your hair you used to get made fun of for, your stomach that you would starve when you felt like you were too fat, your nose you hated, everything you hated everything about you everything your girlfriend Abby loved

“Look at the way my stomach looks”

“I love the way it looks”

“Your just saying that cause your my girlfriend”

“I’m saying that cause it's true

You stayed their and cried, cried until you fell asleep.

Day 2

“Here Julien I want you to have this” you say handing your best friend your gaming consoles with a smile Julien looks at you with a face of confusion “this is unexpected why you giving me this?” she ask placing the consoles down on her table you shrug your shoulders “well I don't need them anymore and I felt like selling them would be a waste so I said why not just give them to my best friend in the whole wide world!” you said as Julien nods her head grabbing you and pulling you into a tight hug “thank you Y/N this means a lot to me i’ll make it up to you I swear” she says and you shake your head.

“No need,” you say as you smile at your beautiful best friend you have known since kindergarten “Julien you know I love you so much right? I thank all the gods above for bringing you into my life, I honestly don't know what I would have don't if I didn't have a friend like you thank you for changing my life I'll see you soon” you say as Julien looks at you with a confused smile on her face. “Y/N your scaring me what's going on?” she ask as you don't say anything just smile looking around “Y/N talk to me please”

“Nothing is going on just grateful for all my friends you know?” you smile as Julien nods nothing is said for a few minutes until Julien speaks “Well I love you so much Y/N your still coming to my birthday in six days right?” she ask as you shrug your shoulders she nods her head a little disappointed “well I gotta go you take care of yourself ok Y/N? I love you so much” Julien says pulling you into a tight hug you melt a little inside

“We are for life, nothing not even death can break the bond we have” Julien says one last time before closing the door on you for the last time.

Day 3

“Abby I think we should break up” you say as Abby looks over at you from her computer desk “What?” you look over at her before repeating what you said “I think we should break up” she turns off her computer before walking over to the couch to sit by you “and why is that? What did u do this time?” she hums pulling you into her lap with a smile you look at her feeling your heart melt Abby your Abby the one who loves you so much “I just feel like we should” she looks at you nodding her head at what your saying

“Well, that's not a good reason to break up what I do? Tell me so I can fix it” you don't say anything you just stare at her with a small tired smile you wrap your arms around Abby pulling her in to a tight hug “I just feel like I'm not right for you, y'know? We are two completely different people with different backgrounds, I always wonder what a person like you is doing with a crazy bitch like me” you say as Abby pulls away looking in your eyes

“Y/N you are enough for me everything I do is for you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you Y/N, I want to make you my wife I want to have kids-”

“How many kids?”

“Six of them” you laugh for the first time in weeks, a true genuine laugh “I want our first daughter to be Y/N Jr” Abby says caressing your face you look at her to see if she's joking.. She's not “really?” she nods her head before laying back on the couch spreading her legs “Y/N I hate when you speak like this is breaks my heart I don't like how you treat yourself, your beautiful Y/N your my sun, my heart, everytime you talk like this it's like a stab right in the heart” Abby vents you nod your head listening you want to apologize but you feel like you can't like their is something stopping you “I love you Y/N your not getting away from me anytime soon”

Hours go by of you and Abby talking, laughing, and cuddling, that you feel that sadness coming back that you wanna excuse yourself before you get to caught up in this “What where you going?”

“To write”

Day 4

Dear Abby,

My baby, my love, my hero I wanna say thank you, thank you for the love you have given me, thank you for the energy you have spent on me, thank you for the shoulder I can lean on when I needed to cry, for the laughs we shared, the arguments we had that had us wanting to kill each other but ended with us fixing it. Your probably wondering why I'm writing you this when I can literally go into the living room right now and say everything I need to say.

I can't

I can't look you in the eyes and tell you how fucking exhausted I am, how worn out and weak I am, I can't tell you how I've been cutting again after we celebrated a week clean, I can't tell you how depressed I have been it will ruin the mood and you know how much I hate an awkward situation lol. But Abby I love you so much you have shown me how strong I am when I thought I was weak, you loved me when I thought I was unlovable, loved me when I was Insecure and even ugly. When I was a kid I was always the ugly duckling, but when you told me “even a ugly duckling needs its Swan” I couldn't believe that I was gifted with such an amazing girlfriend.

We planned a whole life out together, what was it again? Oh yea six kids the first two named after us, a big house with a farm, with a dog and cat. I'm sorry but I don't think in this lifetime we was meant to reach those goals we wanted life isn't fair as much as we hope and pray for it its just not in us.

You have to forget about me. Heartbreak is temporary you will find someone better then me I'm sure of it. I am sorry for all the pain I have put you in. I never meant to do that. I loved you too much to see you get hurt by me.

I love you so much words can't express my love for you. Anytime anyone mentioned you my heart would flutter, like I'm falling in love with you again.

I remember when you told me on our first date that you would never fall in love and that love is overrated and here you are in love with someone who is dying. I love you so much Abby. Maybe In Another Life we will finally be together.

Forever yours,

Y/N ❤︎

Day 5

Ambulance, and police cars crowd your parents house. Screaming, and crying are the only things to be heard. Your mother panicking craddling your bloody body as police men try to remove you

“NO NOT MY BABY! YOU CAN’T TAKE MY BABY AWAY FROM ME!” she screams pulling you in closer as your father tries to pry your mothers arms open to let them take you to the hospital. Your mother refuses to let go until your father grabs ahold of her face “stop being difficult dear and let them take her they might be able to save her if you let them do their job. Your mother looks down at you and then at the men hovering above and she lets go slowly…slowly.. And she slowly relives everything your birth, your first word, your first day of school everything, slowly her baby, her first born, the life she made to protect you slipping away, going down the drain.

The ride to the hospital was long, well to your parents at least, your mother couldn’t stop crying and praying to any god that is out to to hear her prayers, she doesn't want to believe it her baby girl, wanting to kill herself why? Was it because of her? Was she not a good mother? She tried to change for the better for her baby girl she didn't wanna end up like her mother who mentally and verbally abused her but it seems like the Apple doesn't fall to far from the tree.

“MOM PLEASE TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE!” She hears from her left she lifts her head and sees Dina, and Julien running to your mom she gets up and opens her arms as they run into them making her stumble over “She-she just I- I’m a terrible mother!” she chokes on her words as Dina and Julien comfort her with tears in their eyes the doctor comes out with a clipboard in hand and a small smile on her face.

“Your Y/N’s Mother correct?” the doctor ask as your mom their nods her head interlocking her hands and placing them onto her chest “your daughter just got out of surgery” the doctor announces as your mother nods her head just wanting to hear if her daughter is ok “your daughter tried to kill herself, and sadly she stabbed a few major parts of her body, so now she's in a coma and we tried everything we can but it's up to her now if she want to come out of it” the doctor adds on as your mother starts to break down the doctor apologizes before excusing herself.

On cue, Abby runs through the doors in a sweat was she too late? She tried to get to the hospital as fast as she could she really tried but she couldn't exactly believe that her Y/N would try to kill herself, it wasn't even a day ago when you wanted to break up with each other was this the reason why? Was it her?

Day 6

Abby stayed with you since she got their not leaving your side once not to use the bathroom not to sleep nothing afraid if she was to do anything much as breath you would be gone forever

Beep

Abby squeezed your hand anxiously waiting for you to wake up looking at your life monitor and then at you “come on Y/N wake up baby girl”

She decided to scroll through photos of you guys smiling at all the memories, like your first date to the zoo and seeing all the cute animals, or the movie date you guys did she smiles at the memories wanting to make more but all she need was for you to wake up.

Beep

“You remember when you told me how you was tired of living with your parents? Well I found a sweet three bedroom apartment that would be nice for us, we can use the third bedroom as a little office since college is starting soon” Abby asks speaking to you as if your gonna answer. “I gotta you the bathroom I'll be right back ok?” Abby says squeezing your hand and leaving the room.

Beep

Abby looks at herself in the mirror she looks fucked, her cheeks are stained with tears and her eyes are red she looks like a zombie. She opens the bathroom door and sees doctors rushing somewhere… somewhere?…Y/N?….No it can't be why can't she move.. Abby move run she was lost in thought everything playing back your first introduction, to the first kiss, to the make out that led to you losing your virginity, to..to..to

“MOVE OUT THE WAY KID” a doctor yells pushing past Abby knocking her out of her train of thought she walks over to your room but it felt farther why? She wants to come back and see you hug you but she can't…

She's too late

your parents and Julien come rushing in as the doctors speak to them “say goodbye” she says as your mother nods running in to hug you kissing your face and saying how much she loves and wishes she could have protected you.

Abby doesn't say goodbye in shock she stands their and watch them pull your life support she stands their as she sees the life drain out of you, she stands their until they zip your body up and drag you way.

“I’m sorry about your lost kid” the doctor says patting her back. She was the last one their and the last one to leave.

Day 7

The day of the funeral hit hard for Abby, she lost everything in a span of 48 hours, she had no time to process any of it, she didn't even get to say goodbye, she didn't get to hug you, kiss you any of it you were pulling right from under her. She tried not to cry just for you she tried to stay strong but she couldn't, not when a piece of her heart just broke, not when the light in her life suddenly went out.

“Y/N was loved by everyone” the pastor says but Abby wasn't listening too busy trying not to break down, trying hard not to to open the casket and see if your actually dead and not playing a sick joke on her. When it was her turn to speak she couldn't really find her words without feeling like she was gonna choke on them “Y/N was my everything, I feel like I have just lost apart of me, life is so unfair why her? Why me? We're we not meant for a happy ending like everybody else? Are we so out of luck that the world just gave up on us? I wanted to marry her, I promised her a happy life, I wanted to get old with her but fate said no and just took her and I didn't even get to say bye” Abby holds the box with the ring she was gonna use to propose to you with and just looks at it with a sad smile.

“Y/N you were my soulmate and I don't think I can find another person that will fill your spot I know you would want me to move on but I can't I feel like it would be cheating, like I just forgot about you if I do you were my Juliet, and I was your Romeo. Maybe in another life fate will bring us together” Your mom looks at Abby as she walks back over to her seat “Thank you for loving my daughter” Abby smiles nodding her head and showing your mother the box “I really meant what I said I wanted to marry your daughter”

When they was lowering you to the ground Abby pulled out the ring she was gonna marry you with and threw it in and then put the other one on her finger. She watched as they covered you, she watched as they sang, and she watched as your gravestone was placed, she sat their and didn't leave even hours after the funeral ended she stayed, looking up at the sky seeing all the pretty birds

A dove the bird that means peace, hope, transformation, and love. she smiles at it “Goodbye Y/N you can rest now”

The end I hope you like this (this made me cry writing this so hopefully it makes you cry as well) first post of 2024 kinda nervous hope I did good fr and remember life isn't worth killing yourself over, if you ever and I mean ever need to vent about anything my DMs are always opened.

All rights reserved to the owner of this blog! Ⓒ︎ bellaxellie. You may translate and repost my works only with permission.

[ikanasocking]

Fix what is bothering you

Liam and Kyle were living together in a small flat. Four rooms. Either of these boys had his own, a kitchen, a bathroom and a small space they had to share together. Even while living together both guys rarely had anything in common or spend much time together.

Kyle was obsessed with cars and football. His dream was to become a professional player in an international club and being known all over the world. So he trained for it. Six times the week. Good for him was, that his parents were paying for everything. And not to mention, they could pay for everything he wanted. Never the less, Kyle was not able to get his body in the shape he wanted it. No matter how much he trained, his body would not pack on muscles. So Kyle looked very thin. His black hair were short. His face was kind of long and his eyes were brown.

Liam on the other hand did not care about sports or cars. Liam did not work out much but still, his body showed some definition. Liam was an average height, blonde hair, green eyes. The most day he spend outside of the flat to get away from his roommate. He owned the flat but was forced to take someone like Kyle, so he could pay for his live. Still in university he had a lot of bills to pay. That was the reason Liam was more in the library than at home. The other reason was, that Kyle always had friends over.

And this was the only thing both guys had in common. A few of their friends. The friends in question were, Lars, Martin and Nils. Martin and Nils were more friends with Kyle and used Liam more as an easy to manipulate friend that would do stuff for them. Lars on the other hand was more friends with Liam. Liam might be introverted and did rarely speak up to someone, he did with Lars. And Lars understood how he felt. So he supported him, the best was he could. Even when the others were talking bad behind Liam’s back, he would even stand up for his friend. But he would never said that directly to his face. He did not want him to know that the other were talking about him.

Weeks went by and the trash talk about Liam began to stack up, because he was gone from the flat even more than usual. Kyle, Martin, Nils and Lars were sitting together in Kyle’s room. Martin and Nils were muscular guys. But also pretty smart, what you would not believe on first sight. They were interested in cars and football as well. Lars was a pudgier guy who was not into cars, but shared a passion for football. The only one in the group that as actively playing. And that not on a gaming console.

“I swear, Liam is not even keeping up with his chores. He leaves me to do all the work”, Kyle said after they finished another game on the console.

“Seriously? He should be doing all your chores as well. This looser is not even a real man”, Nils said.

“What do you mean by that?” Lars asked.

“You did not pick up on the signs? He is checking us out every time he sees us. Bet he is mostly not here because he always gets hard when he sees one of us”, Nils laughed.

“I don’t think he is gay”, Lars said and sipped on a glass of water.

“Oh he is absolutely a faggot. One that wants to be dominated by real men, like us”, Martin laughed as well.

“Well I guess you are interpreting, too much into this. He is in the library and learns for his exam. And he is not here because it is too noise to concentrate.”

“Yeah sure. I am living with him and I thin Martin and Nils are right. He is a faggot. Pick up the signs. He is not interested in cars or football. Which straight guy is not interested in one of those things?”

“A lot? I cannot follow those arguments. Isn’t Liam your friend?” Lars asked.

“Our friend? Oh please. I am just living with him because it is cheap.”

“We keep him around because he always jumps when we ask for something. He is not really a friend. More a way to get stuff for free”, Martin said.

“I cannot believe it. You are just abusing the poor guy?”

“Sure. He is letting us using him. It is his fault that he is not standing up to us like a man”, Nils said.

Lars stood up and looked at the others.

“I cannot believe you are treating a guy like him so disrespectful. He is a caring person who just wants to make a living. Guess I was wrong thinking you would care for anything else then yourself.”

With that Lars left the group, without having a look back. After he left the room all three boys looked at each other and began to laugh.

“Never thought Lars would be as gay as Liam. Bet he will run right to his boyfriend, crying about how mean we were”, Kyle said.

“Yeah. Bet they would make a great couple.”

With that they continued talking shit about Liam and now Lars as well, while playing football on the console.

What they did not account for, what the open window, so Lars heard everything they said about him as well. And he would not stand for this. These guys would need to learn some respect. So he went to the library, where Liam would normally be. He found him. His head resting on the desk between bunches of books.

“Poor guy. Must have gotten not much sleep lately”, he thought and went over to him.

Carefully he put his hand on his shoulder and Liam sat upright immediately.

“Sorry I will put the books back, this instant”, he said.

“It’s okay. It’s just me”, Lars said and Liam looked at him.

His eyes were red from the sleep and it looked like he had cried recently.

“Oh, what are you doing here? Aren’t you with the others?” Liam asked while gathering the books.

“Well not anymore. I was worried about you. They were talking about some concerning stuff?” Lars said.

“Like how they think I am gay?”

“How do you?”

“Sometimes I was outside of the flat waiting for you all to leave before entering. Are you here to make fun of me right here?”

“Actually I was not making fun of you in the first place.”

“Okay. So you are just here to tell me, these guys are taking advantage of me?”

“You should calm down, Liam. I am neither here to make fun of you nor to tell you the shit they are talking about you. You seem stressed. Why not come with me, to my place and let us talk there.” Liam offered him with a smile.

“If you insist. I have no fight left in me to discuss about this” Liam said.

With that they put the books away and went to Lars house. He was still living with his parents. He was still in an apprenticeship and money was an issue for him as well. So he saved some from living with his parents and his brother. When they arrived at his home it was already evening. Lars led his friend to his room, informed his parents about the guest and sat with his friend there.

“So, Lars. Why bothering with all of this?”

“Because I care about you.”

“Yeah but your friends will not be thrilled seeing you with a faggot like me”, Liam said.

“How much do you know about what they said?”

“Enough. I know how they think about me and that they are only taking advantage of me.”

“And you did not try to change it?”

“How? I need the rent from Kyle. I cannot get rid of him. And when I am getting on the bad site of Nils and Martin, they will make Kyle harass me even more. You know how tiering it is to live with a guy who thinks I am his house bitch? Only there to clean for him and do all the work he does not want to do? I gave up fighting a few months after he moved in with me.”

“But why did you not tell me? I thought we were friends”, Lars said.

“Because I thought you think like the others.”

“You did not hear how I stood up for you every time they talked bad about you?”

“Once I heard you saying something. But they all just laughed and turned on you. So I began to isolated myself, to not get you in more trouble then you already were.”

Lars just blinked at Liam. He could not believe that this guy was going to such extends for him.

“But”, he began, when he noticed the tears in Liam’s eyes.

“I need a moment”, Liam said and Lars stood up.

“Sure. If you want, you can stay for the night. I don’t mind. We can talk later, if you want.”

With that he left the room. After the door was closed he sighed heavily. He could hear Liam cry, but had no idea how to comfort him.

“Troubles in paradise, brother?” Liam’s brother asked and came out of his room.

“What would you know?” he said and looked at him.

“Oh calm down, Liam. It was just a joke.”

“Sorry I am a little bit tense, right now.”

“Might have something to do with the cutie crying in your room?”

“I am not in the mood for your jokes, brother”, he said approaching his younger brother.

He was a little bit more on the pudgier site as well. Lars and he shared a lot of his looks.

“Oh man, you are tense today. Want to talk about it? I am sure you will feel better after it. You could also go to mum for a talk, but I guess better stick with me”, he laughed and Lars entered his brother’s room.

The room was slightly messy with stuff laying around everywhere. Lars and his brother sat down on the bed and Lars brought him up to speed with all that happened.

“And you are sure you have no feelings for this guy?” His brother asked after he was done explaining.

“Man again with the”, he began.

“I mean yeah you are straight. Sure. Straight as a circle brother. Maybe out parents are not seeing it. But I know what you are looking at online. And some of your teammates told me some stories. Maybe it is time to be true to yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have a delicate taste in man and some, I would call it, interesting fetish. Most of it contains men. So I ask myself, do you care about Liam because he is a friend, or is he your friend?”

Lars said nothing and just looked at the floor.

“I mean hey, it is okay to play something for your friends, your parents or me. But at least be true to yourself. With your other little problem, I might have a solution for this.”

“You have?”

“Do you think you are the only kinky one in this family? A friend send me something. A website that is supposed to grant wishes. Might be worth a shot. I have not tried it.”

“That sounds like complete scam and a reason to get a virus on your pc.”

“Maybe it is maybe not. Well it will not download something, so no virus. But even if it is not working, maybe it will give you and Liam some comfort. A wish can sometimes change a lot of things.”

“Well send it over. I will see if it helps.”

“Always happy to help you, brother. I guess your guy calmed down by now. So you might want to make him cry again.”

“Har Har.”

With that Lars brother send him the link to the website. Lars went over to his room and opened the door silently. Liam was lying on his bed sleeping. Lars decided to let him sleep. He took a blanket and tugged Liam in. He took of his socks and went to his pc. He powered him up and opend the link, his brother send him. A small textbox appeared and the text.

“Type in your wish and we will make it come true.”

He began typing.

“I wish for Liam to be happy and find someone he deserves.”

He pressed enter and the site loaded.

“Wish granted”, was all he received.

He turned around to Liam and looked at him. If he was brutally honest, he looked kind of cute. His penis began to pulsate and pressed against his shorts. Lars was disgusted with himself. There was his friend who was having a hard time and he could not even help him, but got a hard on by just watching him sleep. If he was honest to himself, yes he was kind of gay. He liked Liam a lot. But he would never tell him. Liam deserved someone who would really appreciate him. And who knew if he even was gay? Lars continued staring at his friend before going to bed as well. They slept in the same bed all night.

The next morning Lars woke up to find Liam was not lying next to him. Confused he looked around and found his friend at his computer. Typing in a wish to the wish granting website. Crap he forgot to close it yesterday and shut his pc down. Liam was done and pressed the enter button. The same thing as with Lars happened and the wish was somehow granted. Liam turned around to find Lars now sitting upright in the bed.

“Morning”, he said and Lars nodded.

“I am sorry for what happened yesterday”, Lars said.

“Don’t be. At least you showed me you care. And creating a website to make a wish was a sweet move of you. Thank you.”

Liam said and came back to the bed. He put back his socks on and sat down then.

“I guess I should go home now. Your parents might not be happy seeing you with another boy in a bed”, Liam said and wanted to go, when Lars took his arm and pulled him back. Liam was surprised, tumbled back, before falling on the bed. The lips of the boys met each other, after Liam fell down. A short and unwanted kiss was the result.

Surprised both boys moved their hats back.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to”, Lars began and looked at Liam.

He did not say anything. He was still processing what had happened right there. But after a short time Liam made a move and kissed Lars again. This time not by accident. Lars was completely surprised by this. But he did not fight it. It felt way too good. His penis got hard again. When their lips parted Liam looked at his friend with a sad expression.

“I am sorry, Lars. I did not know what’s gotten into me. Please forget what happened. It will not happen again”, Liam said and wanted to go again.

Tears filling his eyes again. Lars still got his arm, so Liam could not get away. Instead of pulling him back, Lars just got up and then approached Liam.

“Why would you say that? Did you not enjoy it?” Lars asked and moved his hand to Liam’s crotch.

He could feel, that the boy was hard.

“I did, but you and I”, Liam tried to put a sentence together but his emotions were too much.

“Let me tell you something, Liam. I was in the closet for so long. I guess it is time to come out. I enjoyed your company all the years. Not only as a friend. I was fantasising about more with you. Liam, I am in love with you”, he said and Liam looked shocked at him.

“But, your family, your friends”, Liam began.

“If they are not accepting it, they are neither my family nor my friends. I have not been there the last years for you. But now I want to be there for you. Maybe even for the rest of our live.”

Liam said nothing. He just snuggled up to Lars’s shoulder and started to cry again. Lars just hugged him, hoping to comfort his friend this way. It worked and Liam calmed down after some time.

“What do you say? We forget about the others and start a new live?”

“But Kyle still lives with me”, Liam said.

“And I don’t think I will get him out of the flat, anytime soon.”

“Then move in with me.”

“Here? I don’t think this will work out.”

“Well let’s start with a few days. I guess you need some peace and quiet and sleep. Let’s grab some things and you stay here for a few days. What do you say?”

Liam did not want to say anything and just nodded. So both boys went over to Liam’s flat. Only to find it trashed. Stuff was lying around everywhere. And Kyle was in the little space they shared. He seemed to be sleeping. The aroma of alcohol was in the air.

“What a pig”, Lars thought.

Liam did not say anything. He went straight to his room and began gathering some stuff. Meanwhile Lars was waiting for him to finish. Just as Liam was done gathering his stuff, Kyle woke up.

“Hey, what? A good you are back”, he said in a still drunken voice.

“You should get this shit cleaned up as soon as”, Kyles began.

Lars wanted to step in immidiatly, but Liam was faster.

“No. You made the mess, you clean it up.”

“What? How dare you talking to me like”, he began.

“I talk to you however I want. You are nothing more than a dirty pig that is a sucker for my and Lars socks”, Liam said.

Lars was confused why his friend should say something like this.

“You little. I should punch some sense in you. I will show you what kind of sucker I am for”, Kyle said and approached Liam.

Lars wanted to rush over, but Kyle was still so drunk that he fell to the floor directly in front of Liam’s feet.

“So good”, he moaned and began to sniff the feet of Liam.

“That’s what I thought. Come into my room and then you might have more of my feet”, Liam said and went back to his room.

Kyle crawled after him and Lars decided to take a look as well. There was his boyfriend sitting on his bed and the straight jock Kyle just sniffing away at his feet, while playing with his dick. Lars got hard as well just by watching it. Liam looked at him, smiled and tapped on the bed next to him. Unsure Lars sat down next to him.

“How did you?” he began.

“I guess the site worked. It fulfilled my wish. Now everything I say to Kyle, Nils and Martin will happen.”

Lars felt a tug at his feet and saw Kyle pulling off his shoes to sniff his feet as well.

“Now what do you say, Kyle. Would you like to be at our feet forever?”

“Yes. Oh fuck yes.”

“Well then so be it. After all you are nothing more than our socks.”

With that Kyle’s body began to transform. The fabric of the socks began to engulf him, until he was completely covered. He disappeared and was now Liam’s and Lars’s socks.

“He is pretty comfortable. I guess this was a good decision”, Liam said.

Lars was still a little bit confused but was so turned on by his boyfriend right now, that he did not ask anything.

“What happened? Where am I?” Kyle’s voice suddenly echoed through their brains.

He sounded sobered up.

“You are at our feet”, Liam answered and wiggled his toes.

Kyle moaned with pleasure by the sensation.

“This is impossible. When I am getting out here, I will”, he said between moans.

“Oh shut it. You have two options here, Kyle. The first is to continue threatening me and you will stay as you are right now. Or you can shut up and strike a deal with me”, Liam said.

“What kind of deal?”

“I will tell you if you decide. If you want the deal you will have to fulfil it. No getting out of it.”

“Sure. What kind of sick game you wanna play, faggot?”

“That is what I thought. I am giving you six months. In these six months you will have to make Martin and Nils put on a special pair of socks. If you succeed you will not be turned into a sock again. But you will still be a dirty sock loving slave for us. If you fail, well you will just turn back into our socks. Do we have a deal?”

“As if I could lose this. Everything is better than being a pair of socks.”

“Oh well. Then you will turn back into your old self. Let me and Lars leave the flat in peace and try to carry out the deal. You will be handed the special socks. You just need them to put them on. The rest will happen then.”

Slowly the socks began to lose fabric and Kyle was lying back on the ground naked. He stood up and began covering up.

“Oh stop that. This is nothing to be embarrassed of.”

Kyle took his hands away and now Liam as well as Lars got a good look at him. He was smaller than Lars would have thought.

“Guess he got some compensating to do, for this” Liam pointed at Kyle’s dick and laughed.

Then Liam took two pairs of his socks and handed them to Kyle. Lars and Liam left the flat and Kyle to fulfil his part of the deal.  On their way back, Lars began asking Liam.

“How comes you choose this kind of deal for him?”

“Just imagine. His parents have a lot of cash. This way I can take advantage of him as he did of me.”

“Sure but how do you know, I would like this?”

“Do you not?”

“Well”, Lars began.

“No worries. You will soon see how good this is.”

Lars nodded.

“But anyway, why did Kyle agree to the deal? Was that you’re doing as well?”

“Not really. I guess he just heard, that he will not be our socks and that was all he heard. I am pretty sure he will not make it happen. So he will lose anyway.”

With that both boys stopped with the topic and began talking about other stuff. The weeks went by and the relationship between Liam and Lars grew more and more. Lars even told his parents how it was and they were okay with it. Even offered Liam to stay with them. But he just said that he was just waiting for Kyle to move out, which could be every day. And then the day came. Kyle wrote him, that he had fulfilled his part of the deal. Liam was a little bit surprised, but happy. He told Kyle that he would need to wait until tomorrow for conformation and then he would fulfil his end of the bargain.

A little bit earlier:

Nils, Martin and Kyle were sitting together in Kyle’s room. He had the special socks prepared for them and a plan how he would them make them put on.

“Hey how about a game? If I beat both of you in the next game, you will put on theses socks. Just once and then you can take them off again. Sounds good?”

“What the fuck man? What kind of weird game should this be?”

“Oh come on. It will be fun.”

“Well since you will not beat the both of us, we can play. When you lose you will put them on and lick both our feet”, Nils said challenging and looked at Kyle.

Jokes on you, I was waiting for this. God how much I want to lick those soles, Kyle thought and nodded.

So they began to play. Against the odds, Kyle came out victorious.

“Guess I won. Time for you to”, he began, when Nils and Martin already grabbed the socks and put them on.

“Now happy?” Martin asked.

“Sure. You can take them off now.”

Both boys looks at their feet and began to move their toes. Under the fabric, their own socks had disappeared and now they were only wearing Liam’s socks. Nils wore black socks with paws under his feet. Martin wore the same socks but in white.

“You know, somehow they feel pretty comfortable. I guess I will keep them”, Nils said.

“Sure, why not? I don’t care. They belong to Liam.”

“Ha to the faggot? No wonder. Only more a reason to keep them.”

With that they continued playing. Some hours later Martin and Nils went home. They lived close to each other, so they were driving with one car.

“Never expected to have Kyle making us do something like this”, Nils said.

“Me neither. But you were no better. What kind of idea was this?”

“Oh. If he wants to play, then he should pay for it.”

“Yeah and still we lost. But somehow I don’t know why but I don’t want to take these socks off”, Martin said.

“Me neither. They are so comfy and I don’t know. I cannot really describe it.”

“I know man. Bet yours are not as comfy as mine.”

“Bet mine are even comfier.”

“Never.”

“Try them”, Nils said, after he parked the car.

So both boys began exchanging one sock each and now either of them was wearing one black and one white puppy sock.

“You are right they are equally comfy”, Martin said.

“See? Told you. Well then, see you tomorrow.”

With that both boys parted and went into their rooms.

Nils was on his bed thinking about the day when suddenly he got hard as a rock. Confused he pulled his pants down and looked at his dick.

“Man, why am I so pent up?”

He began playing with himself. But today it felt different. It felt wrong to touch his dick. He could not cum. Not even getting closer to it. He was hard but still it felt bad to play with himself. Curios he took his black sock off and put it over his dick. A totally new sensation erupted from it. He began moaning and now he noticed that he was getting closed to an orgasm. A few minutes later he came. The orgasm was something else. It felt different. His dick even felt different. Spent he was lying there, the sperm filled sock still on his cock. But to his surprise his dick did not go down. He was still hard, begging again for release. So Nils began rubbing again. What he did not notice, was that the sock was now stuck to his dick, while the white one was stuck to his foot. He kept rubbing and rubbing. With each stroke his sperm got pushed into the fabric. Not long and he had another orgasm and filled the sock even more. But his dick still refused to go down, so he continued. After some time, the fabric decided that it was time to claim his new host. So it began spreading around his body. Bit by bit was swallowed by the fabric. Black and white. First his legs. Then his belly, his arms, his hands and at last even his head.

“Oh yes”, was the last thing Nils said and would say for the rest of his live.

His mouth was sealed by the sock fabric and he was nothing more than a black and white sock. The third orgasm sealed his new form and so there was no going back. His body began to hollow out. Everything turned to fabric. It felt so good, having his body rearranged. At last there was only socks left of what had been Nils. Martin had the same experience and he was transformed as well. They blacked out and woke up the next morning.

Oh what a night, Nils thought and tried to get up. His body was not responding.

“What the fuck?”, he asked trying to look around.

Everything was black. Where was he? From the smell he must be fallen into a pile of dirty socks.

“Finally awake, I see”, Liam said and sudden light flooded Nils’s eyes.  

Now he could see why it had been so dark. He had been shoved into a shoe. Liam’s shoe.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Oh nothing special”, Liam responded and suddenly Nils saw Martin.

He was on Liam’s foot. So that would mean, he was on Liam’s foot as well. That would explain the smell.

“Release me this instant”, Nils demanded.

“Oh hush, little sock. You are not only on my feet, but on Lars as well. Trust me you will love this new live. You lost the game against Kyle so it was only fair. Now I can take advantage of you, how you did of me. Enjoy it”, Liam said and Nils wanted to answer, when suddenly Kyle came into view.

He was completely naked and hard as a rock. A hand grabbed Nils and he was pulled closed to Kyles face. Air was forced through his body, cooling him down, giving him a shiver, as Kyle inhaled the scent. Then something wet was dragged along Nils’s body. It was Kyles tongue. Every bit of his body that was touched with the saliva was tingling. Nils felt so good. Even though he had no physical dick anymore he felt hard. Kyle continued with his worshipping and Nils felt like he was cumming over and over.  

“That was the a good whish, darling”, Lars said, looking over to Liam.

“I know. He Kyle after you are done with our feet, go make us breakfast”, he said.

“Anything you like master. But please let me cum”, he begged.

“Maybe after breakfast, if you are a good sock slave.”

With that Kyle continued his worshipping. Nils and Martin lost their last resistance with all the pleasure and Lars was happy that Liam finally got what he deserved. A boyfriend and Kyle, how would do anything for them.

[yjhariani]

Insanity

Simon 'Ghost' Riley X GN!Reader

Word Count: 0.7k Summary: You spent a day scrambling your brain with research papers. [Shoutout to whoever is in need to deal with such a thing].

A/N: Dedicated to @alnautic for this post that got me inspired to write this one. Also, pardon my hopeless romantic ass for making Simon reciting more poetry.

All day, there was nothing else you did. You had been moving from one corner of the flat to another, all with your laptop in your hands. There were multiple tabs of research papers opened on the screen.

At one point, Simon found you slouching on a chair. He walked up behind you, resting his forearms on the back of the chair and pecked you on the cheek.

“Those are a lotta words, love,” Simon commented.

“I know,” you exhaled. “Half of them start to lose their meaning and I’m almost not sure what I’m reading about.”

“Maybe you should take a break,” Simon suggested.

“This is me taking a break,” you replied.

Simon lifted you and fixed your position on the chair. He put his hands on your shoulders and started massaging them.

“How ‘bout you tell me about half of those words that still have meaning?” Simon asked.

You started explaining to him what you understood of the research paper that you read so far. It was quite an attempt since all you could focus on was his hands massaging your shoulders and how good it felt. He eventually moved to massage your neck and soon after that, he rubbed your temples with his thumbs.

Simon was tempted to take your computer away and forced you to take a proper break. However, he understood that you needed to do this and the least he could do was to take care of you while you were scrambling your brain with these pages.

As you were explaining it to him, a little more complicated than you wanted, you finally grasped a little more of what you had been reading.

“Oh, that makes sense, right?” you asked at the end of your explanation and repeated it in a simpler way. “That’s what I’m trying to understand.”

“Yeah,” Simon said before pressing his lips to the top of your head. “Let me know if you need anything else, yeah?”

“Thank you, Simon,” you replied.

With that, you dwelled back into the research. 

Not long after his leave, Simon returned with your favourite hot beverage in your favourite mug. He said nothing and only put the mug on the table. He returned your gratitude with a brief smile.

That happened one more time, at least, when he delivered you lunch and a lot of drinking water.

A while later, Simon was about to turn on his console to play something when he found you on the sofa across it, still with your computer in your hands. Simon prepared his console before sitting himself on the sofa next to you.

“Hey, c’mere,” Simon patted his lap with one hand whilst the other held a controller.

You only looked at him after a few seconds of still looking at your computer screen. Simon redid the gesture of patting his lap.

With that, you moved yourself to sit on his lap with your back intended to rest against his chest.

“No, turn around,” Simon requested.

So, you put the laptop aside for a moment as you climbed onto his lap, straddling him.

“Pause for a few minutes, play something with me,” Simon said.

“I’m almost done. I think,” you replied, hand reaching towards your laptop.

With your arms around his chest and meeting your laptop behind him, you rested your chin on his shoulder.

“This can’t be comfortable for you,” Simon said.

“You’re like a big pillow,” you reasoned.

You felt Simon lightly shaking his head before he got into his game. 

About half an hour later you ended up putting your laptop aside and buried your face on the crook of Simon’s neck. Simon soon put his controller down and rubbed a hand up and down your back.

“You alright, love?” Simon asked.

“I keep reading that page—that paragraph over and over again and I can’t understand a single word,” you sighed.

“Sounds like the insanity Einstein was talking about,” Simon said. “Maybe you’ve had enough for the day. Turn the bloody thing off and do something else, get lazy perhaps.”

“Maybe I should,” you said. "I really need to get it done, though, preferably tonight."

“You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps. Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping. Even those who limp do not go backwards. But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming it kindness. Which you are, love,” Simon recited. “Just take it easy.”

Simon moved your laptop onto the nearest table before leaning back and wrapped his arms around you. After a moment or two, he picked you up and moved you to your bedroom and laid you down on the bed with him still attached to you.

Once you were both comfortable, Simon draped his limbs over you to make sure that you would not be going anywhere. He tucked you under his chin and left a kiss on your forehead. In the end, you buried your smile in his chest.

[lumiaxz]

✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

So needy, couldn’t even wait.

✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

…*↝paring: Arataki Itto x needy fem-reader↜*…

…*↝warnings: pet names, sucking off↜*…

✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

Your day was spent doing god knows what around the city and like usual, you couldn’t wait to get home and be absolutely stretched by your boyfriend, the one and Oni, Arataki Itto. You walk into the house happily and go upstairs into your shared bedroom to find Itto playing a video game on the his console, Weird, right? You assume if you walk infront of him, he’ll get the memo. You do just that, you walk up to the TV and stand infront of him.

“Lovee.. I can’t see the screen.”

Still nothing? How strange, More straight forward you’ll have to be.

“Itto, Come on, I’m boredd~..”

Your practically begging at this point, but he still doesn’t budge. You walk up to him on your knees, fumbling around with the drawl-string of his shorts. Itto chuckles as he gently pushes your hands away of his clothes.

“Not now, sorry love. Maybe later?”

But you wanted it now, not later. This was the only thing you look forward to everyday and he’s not in the mood? You usually would’ve waited but for some reason you simply couldn’t, without reason.

“Please..?”

Your voice became more high pitched, not annoyingly high, just enough to really convince him to second guess his choice. Itto paused his game and slightly raised your chin to look up at him.

“Give me till 9:00 and I’ll be done, I promise.”

You glance over at the clock on the nightstand, it reads 7:34

2 hours? You couldn’t possibly wait that long. You had to do something to speed up the highlight of your day. Your first thought was toys, but that wouldn’t be filling enough until then.

“Itto, please? At least let me suck you off.”

His eyes widened at your request, you barely could handle it in your cunt, but your mouth? He considered turning your request down immediately, but.. if you did that, he could still play his game, he wouldn’t have to guide you either, which made it hands free for him.

“I don’t see why not…”

He gave you a slightly unsure glance that signaled, you can go for it. He resumed back to his game, glancing down at you every once in awhile.

You immediately smile and darted straight to the the drawl-string on his shorts, effortlessly undoing, revealing his boxers. Pushing past his boxers you reach into them and within seconds takes out his staggeringly large cock. Your mouth watered at the meer sight of his length.

Itto speaks again, still eyes glued to the screen.

“You know, you can’t fit it in your mouth all at once, princess.”

He was partially right but you were so cock-hungry it honestly didn’t even matter to you anymore.

“don’t care, I’ll make it fit…”

You give his length a few pumps before wrapping your lips around the tip and slowly lowering your head on it.

You barely stop halfway, gagging yourself. Still trying to keep going even it hurts, a lot. Tears are streaming down your face as you still attempt to shove it down your throat. It causes a almost burning sensation that you enjoy yet hate.

Itto glances down and witnesses such a adorable sight, you struggling to fit his entire length in your mouth.

He smirks as he grabs a fistful of your precious locs of hair and pushes your head, all the way down his massive length.

You give him a lovely sight as he looks down and sees you sobbing messily, hands on his thighs, tears running down your perfect face.

Itto released the grip on your hair and you come up almost instantly, gasping for air.

“Sorry love, seemed like you needed a bit of help.”

He cups your face and smiles as he wipes the tears and saliva off your face.

“Couldn’t even wait till 9:00.. so needy..”❤️

✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

what game do you think he was playing 🤭

[dominickeating-source]

Cult Times Issue #90 (2003)

Mal Content

As armoury office, Malcolm Reed is all that stands between the Human race and war! Well, kind of. Dominic Keating explains why he's so pleased with the lieutenant's progress on board Enterprise so far. HEADING INTO Enterprise nearly two years ago, Dominic Keating sat down with executive producers Rick Berman and Brannon Braga and expressed to them his concerns about playing Lt Malcolm Reed.

His greatest fear was that the ship's weapons and tactical expert would come across as "just this talking English head above the console on the bridge." If that were the extent of the part, however, Keating would learn to deal with it. "For the money, I'd do it," Keating says with a laugh. "But I did say, 'If you feel like writing something for me, I reckon that I can do it'. And you know what? They went away and did it. I've had some really fantastic episodes that I didn't expect to get, quite frankly. That's been terrific. I think I'm in a very luxurious position here. I'm not the main thrust of the show, so I get a lot of time off. But they know that they can wheel me out and give me some really good stuff to do whenever they feel they want that flavour in the show. 'And they're doing it enough for my liking. Speaking personally, I'm very thankful that I'm not Scott [Bakula, Archer], Jolene [Blalock, T'Pol] and Connor [Trinneer, Trip] because they're just in it every week. When we're shooting the show that's what they do; they're at work. They're there when I'm there and they're there when I'm not there. We're doing an episode now that's a big Archer episode. I'm going to do my day today and I think I've got one other scene that we'll shoot sometime at the end of next week, and that's it.

Right now, I'm in my backyard watering my plants and talking to you on my phone. It's beautiful outside. The sky is blue and the surf's up. It's a good life. What can I say?" Reed is steadily emerging as the show's enigma. He's got the most potential to be at odds with himself, much less the other characters on the ship. "I was talking with Brannon about that the other day, and he's quite happy that Reed is not a two-dimensional figure," the actor says. "Reed can be the charming guy, the really nice guy, and the dark guy, and he's been all those things already. They've engineered him in such a way that he still has a long way to go. I'm really pleased about that, I have to say.

The two episodes I've liked best so far are 'Shuttlepod One' and 'Minefield.' Those are the ones that come to mind. I thought 'Minefield' was a particularly good show for him. Wrapped up in his official capacity, I think you really saw a living and breathing human being and a man that has a sense of honour and duty and is fine with death. He's not just an automaton and a stiff upper lip Brit. I've said this in the past and it's still true, but they're also using him as a man of action, which was something else that I hadn't anticipated.

This season we had 'Marauders,' and we have some other stuff coming up this season in which I'm the 'drop-to-one-knee' guy. I did a huge stunt sequence recently, on a big action day, and I really like all of that. We've also seen Malcolm be fallible. I'm the guy who lost the communicator in 'The Communicator.' Nice episode for me, that. That scene in the jail with Archer, sharing a last private moment, was really telling to me. I wasn't particularly happy with the way it actually got shot, but that moment when he turns to the captain and says that he's not afraid, meaning that he's not afraid to die, was a really tender moment between the guys. "I also liked being so pissed off in 'Singularity.' That was a very interesting episode, wasn't it? Malcolm sort of invented the red alert system in that one. I'll never live that down. The red lights are on all the time now people are calling it 'Reed alert'. That has a nice ring to it. But everybody got a little annoying in 'Singularity,' and I quite liked that. I've heard from some of the fans that that episode pushed the envelope a little more than they're used to seeing on Star Trek. I'd quite like to see some more of that, getting a little risky.

I think that [the producers'] issue is they have a hardcore audience that knows what they like and they're used to seeing what they know they like. As much as you want to push forward and stretch the fabric of the show a little, you also don't want to piss these people off. But I think there's room, for instance, for one of the crewmates to become a bit of a wanker and not be completely likeable. And I think Malcolm would be a prime candidate for that. "Actually, the episode we're shooting right now is called 'The Crossing.' It's going to be rather fun, I have to say. I believe it's been revamped from prior Star Trek lore [dating back to 'The Cloud Minders' from the original series].

We get possessed, if you will, by these ethereal non-corporeal beings that have now found it necessary to find some hosts in which to house their spirits because, in their present form, they're dying out. They happen across the crew of the Enterprise and decide that we would make good genetic hosts, as it were. So we all get somewhat possessed by these of ethereal beings, and not all of us are thoroughly likeable. And the one that gets hold of me is quite the dandy, I have to say. It's been really fun playing Reed as this alien being for the first time, housed in a Human body. I had a lovely scene with Jolene the other night in which this being, dressed in clothes and housed as Malcolm, goes to her quarters. It was my second attempt to get the Vulcan into bed. "I came out of that scene the other night with Jolene thinking, 'God, I love acting'," Keating continues. "When there's a real juicy scene and it's got an attitude and it's not just perfunctory exposition about where we're at and how our hull plating is, I really like it. I like being stretched in that way. I would never complain if they just wrote a lot more of that for me.

In the meantime, as I say, I'm very happy with what they are doing for me and I enjoy the fact that I don't have to be there 16 hours a day, five days a week like Scott and Jolene and sometimes Connor. On and off set we're all really good friends, and I have to say this is a dream job with a dream cast and a dream crew. It's just a thoroughly well-oiled production. The people behind it are very accommodating. They'll always try to fit scheduling around some doctor's appointment you've got to make. So, what a fantastic family, I have to say. I will miss it sorely in five years' time. I know I will." Enterprise might very well be around five years down the road. It's performing respectably in the ratings. It's neither a huge hit at this point, nor a drag on UPN's Wednesday night schedule.

But its modest success, coupled with the utterly disappointing critical and box office reactions to Star Trek: Nemesis, the latest and presumably last Star Trek: The Next Generation feature, seem to suggest that the Trek flame is dimming a bit. "Unfortunately, Nemesis didn't do well," Keating acknowledges. "I haven't seen it yet. It's a shame I talked to Rick about it the other night, actually. I can tell he's crestfallen a little. And there was some worry around the [Enterprise] set recently, when all these articles started coming out on the coat-tails of Nemesis, about our plummeting ratings and blah, blah, blah, blah. I just had a long talk with Brannon about it, and he explained it very succinctly to me. He said that things have changed in the 15 years since The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager started airing. There are just a lot more choices out there now for people. TV is not the same animal that it was 15 years ago. You've got satellite dishes and 200 cable channels that very specifically cater to people's tastes. You're not going to pick up a passing audience like you might have 10 years ago, just because there was nothing else on. It doesn't happen anymore.

Given that, I think we're doing pretty well. We hold a steady five or so [each week in the ratings]. "We're in our second year, and by all accounts Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager had the same kinds of dips in the second year. So I'm not too fussed about it. From what I gather, from what I get at the conventions I go to, the fans who watch the show regularly love it. It's very popular with them. They like the characters. And, dare I say it, they certainly like me, unless they're all faking it massively. They paid to get into these conventions, so I sure hope they like me. And friends of mine who've followed my career, as it were, back in England and here in America, who necessarily wouldn't be Trek fans or even bother to watch this kind of show all that much, they adore it.

So there were a couple of weeks where I thought, 'God, are we going to get picked up? Is UPN going to exist?' But I'm over all of that now. I think we're safe." Production on Enterprise's second season will conclude in a matter of weeks, thus Keating is already thinking about plans for his off-season. "I am going to Australia to do a big, five-city convention tour," he reports. "I'm greatly looking forward to it, I must say. And that's about it, unless Steven Spielberg rings me up and says he has to have me in his new movie. Otherwise, that's it. I'm going to take five weeks off and go to Australia." Keating laughs when asked if there's anything else going on that fans should know about before he hangs up the phone. "No," he says in conclusion. "I think I've done my spiel! You've been a good sport about listening to me while I multitask. I'm just doing so many things. I've got to go to work in an hour, so I've been doing all these chores around the house. So you've helped me do my bit and I hope I've given you what you need.

Source: www.dominickeating.com

[blue-disco-lights]

Tag ✨ Game ✨ Tuesday

Thank you so much @look-i-love-u, @shinygalaxyperson, @tanktopgallavich, @deedala, @michellemisfit, @energievie, @sirrudo, @m4ndysk4nkovich and @scurvgirl for tagging me in!

name:  Julia

age: what is time?

favorite color: that shade of darker blue/green that’s not quite turquoise yet. 

beverage of choice: is it too basic to say an extra hot latte? Oat milk or matcha. 

do you have push notifications turned on for tumblr? I do for Galladrabbles ❤️ because I want to read all of your stories, and for Gallavich Meta because I love all the headcanons

opinion on fireworks? They are very pretty, and they are also very loud and I’m sooo much more sensitive to noise nowadays (see below for pet peeves)

favorite childhood toy? I had this old Atari gaming console attached to my Zenith TV back in the day (see age up top)

the store you shop at the most: Amazon - but also Safeway & Trader Joe’s (groceries) 

do you swear a lot? A fair amount irl and also when I'm writing Mickey dialog

favorite trope: i don't even know how to name this properly - but it’s gotta be a really slow burn / enemies-to-lovers / hurt-comfort and they gotta work thru all the angst for their happy ending. Should I just make up my own tag for that? (this makes me sound way more intense than I actually am)

an album with no skips: ABBA Gold? Paul’s Boutique by the Beastie Boys? Tranceport by Paul Oakenfold?

if you could play any instrument, what would you choose? Piano or guitar (easily one of my biggest regrets that I didn't commit to an instrument as a kid)

your biggest pet peeve: When I used to commute on the bus to work that was the only time I had real reading time (esp with toddlers at home), so when people would call their relatives for long catchups or people would take work conference calls right behind me, it made me real 🤬 inside.

favorite time of day: early evening like 5/6pm - log off work, start my evening and unwind

and finally, did you drink water today? Incredibly… i did! I think it’s because I kept reading all your answers to this question.

Should you choose to accept this challenge, I invite: @sweetbee78 @palepinkgoat @divine-gallavich @gallawitchxx @jadepetals @creepkinginc @tsuga-of-mars @bawlbrayker @silvanshadow @ms-moonlight-inn@lingy910y @francesrose3 @crossmydna @heymrspatel @notherenewjersey@suzy-queued @ian-galagher @squidyyy23 @lupeloto @callivich @celestialmickey @stocious @grumble-fish @depressedstressedlemonzest @starcrossedsoulmates84 @harrowhark-a-vagrant @thepupperino and anyone else who'd like to play ✨✨✨

[larry-22-blog]

Period complications part 3

Note: please leave your thoughts and suggestions :))

I take requests, so if you have any please feel free to contact me :)

"Everything seems fine, you're good to go!" The doctor said after examining me.

"I'll make sure everything is filled in and ready for you. Just go to the reception to sign the files on the way to go." The nurse said after she gave us instructions on the treatment, giving me her number in case I have any problems or questions or anything.

"Thank you so much for everything!" I said, excited. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Erling thanked her too then proceeded to help me dress. He insisted that he can take care of me, refusing the nurse's offer of helping me get dressed.

I swear this guy is something else. He is so possessive and protective of me.

I absolutely love it.

"Come on, love, let's get you dressed, my little snowflake" he kissed my head as he helped me put a t-shirt on (of course one of his), then helped me dress my lower half, putting on some black tights and some Manchester city blue socks, I actually bought them myself, I think that they are cute, topping it all off with a Manchester city jacket, in my own size since his is way too big for me. I refused to wear shoes, so we compromised on some Adidas slippers.

"Thank you, baby, I look like a football player" I chuckled, feeling sleepy.

"Nah, you look like you're Erling Haaland's girl" he smirked, kissing me on the nose before getting the bag with our things, making sure he covered everything.

"Good, we're ready baby, let me help you" he came back to me, helping me up. I almost fell down, if it wasn't for him holding me, my legs literally felt like jelly.

"Easy, baby, you're still a bit weak..." He pulled me closer to his body, supporting most of my weight and also carrying the bag.

"Since when walking such a hard task?" I wondered, making him chuckle.

We went to the reception to sign the papers but quickly left since everything was already paid for by Erling beforehand.

Erling helped me up into the car that was parked in the private underground parking lot. He had his Audi SUV ready, warm and comfy, my seat heat was also on, it was so damn amazing, I could die in this seat.

"Safety first, let me pull your seat belt on" he put the seat belt on around me, then kissed my head and stopped to look at me "how is everything? Are you comfy, does anything hurt? Do you want some water or a sneak maybe?" He asked worriedly.

"Everything is perfect Erl, you already took care of everything. I could never thank you enough for all you did for me... You gave me your blood, how crazy is that and you probably paid a shit ton of money for me to receive the best care, Erling, I just... You're unbelievable,  I could never repay you for all the stuff you did for me since we met... " I said, looking up at him and pulling him in a hug.

"I love you, baby, of course, I want to take care of you. Always. You don't have to thank me for anything, ever. Let alone for money, it's not important. I work hard for it, sure, doing what I love, and I have plenty of it, of course, I'm going to spend it on the people I love. " he kissed my lips before slowly closing the door, running to the other side.

I watched him getting in, putting his seat belt on then starting to drive off.

It wasn't going to be a long journey, maybe 1 hour if there is traffic, but still, I'm looking forward to spending time with him like this.

I watch him as he drives, he looks so fucking good, so confident and relaxed and so opposite of me driving so yeah, I may have a small thing for watching him drive.

"What are you looking at baby?" He asked, reaching to hold my hand over the console.

I took it in my hands and brought it up to my lips to kiss it, making him smile.

"You"

"You're going to make me blush..." he said, smiling still.

"I just love how good you are at driving, so confident and comfortable and relaxed, I wish I was at least 10% like you" I admitted, playing with his fingers.

"You're a good driver, we just need to work on your confidence, stop putting yourself down babe," he said seriously.

"Yeah... maybe" I yawned cuddling closer.

"You look like a soft kitty" he cooed.

"Mmm, not a kitty..." I tried to protest, but I feel my eyelids getting heavy.

"Get some rest, my love" it's all I hear before drifting off to sleep.

I was woken up when I feel arms about me, lifting me up and carrying me inside "mmm you smell so good" I hid my face in his neck, inhaling his addictive scent as he chuckled "I know you have a thing for my smell baby, but we got to admit I smell like shit right now, haven't washed in 2 days"

"I think you smell amazing... And I don't have a thing for your smell, I just have a thing for you, your everything..." I sleepy explained, trying to be coherent but failing as I mispronounced some words, sounding like I was speaking in my mother language, but with English words.

It happens mostly when I'm tired or stressed but Erling loves it.

Oh well, the worst was when I was really drunk, the first and last time I was drunk actually. It was at Erling's birthday party. I was totally having a conversation with him in my own language and he understood basically nothing of it but found it funny and cute appearance, he said it made him fall even more in love with me. And of course, jake Grealish got it on video. It didn't help that I was basically telling Erling that he's so beautiful and that I loved his hair and that I wanted to taste his lips and thought his thighs were sexy and some other painfully bad flirting. I was so drunk I wasn't aware he was actually my boyfriend so yeah, I daydreamed about him, speaking out loud for everyone to hear but no one to actually understand a word.

Well, at least he's also a foreigner. He understands my struggles.

He has a similar thing, but he is way better at controlling it, and it's much less obvious.

"Love your accent baby," he said as he put me down on the sofa in the living room, putting the bag down as well.

I was looking around the room when he spoke, handing me a cup of water, as he sit down next to me "everything was cleaned, don't worry about anything love" he rubbed my back.

"I'm really sorry for ruining your things, Erling, I should have been more careful..." I admitted, guilty, looking up at him as I drank some water.

"Hey, I already told you it's not important baby, they are just things, they can be replaced but you baby, you can't be. And I almost lost you because of my stupidity." He pulled me gently into his lap, arms around me.

"Erl, you know it's not your fault, it's my body that fucked up, which, honestly, nothing new, but really, you should not be guilty..." I rubbed his soft cheek, kissing his cute lips.

"I treated you like shit, I yelled and said shit and I scared you! You looked so frightened... I'll never forgive myself for it" he said, looking down at me guilty as he moved a piece of hair that has fallen on my face behind my ear.

"Did you... Were you afraid that I was going to hurt you...? Like physically...?"

"Erling...I was, I was scared of you, yes, like, I knew deep down that you wouldn't hurt me but I also, at that moment could not control my fear... It's just, you know my past, most of it, and like, you know that I didn't have the best people around me, especially not the men in my life... And well, because of it, them, I hate fights and yelling and power abuse I guess... But at the same time, you know that I sometimes am myself the problem, trying to or picking fights and trying to get a reaction because well, that's what I'm used to, what I think I deserve, to be hurt, I don't know how to explain it, but like, this is how my fucked up brain works..." I explained, playing with his fingers, trying to distract myself.

"I'm so sorry baby, I know how much you suffered in the past and how the whole yelling thing or fighting reminds you of your past, and I just, I did swear to you I would never be that guy, to make you feel small, or inferior or use my male status or power over you, but I failed, badly..."

"Baby, let's be honest, the thing is that we are just very different like this is how you express yourself. You live 1000% at the moment, you give your all, exactly like on the field and you love to scream, either in joy or frustration but it's a way of expressing yourself. Same with force, like, whenever you guys win it's a sight to see, you hug everyone and jump and pull people in or push them as you did to Jude remember" We both laughed remembering that time when he accidentally pushed Jude, so hard that he went flying, on the grass.

"And I love that of you, I love how passionate you are. Maybe one day I'll get over my trauma and become more like you" I giggled, kissing his cheekbone.

"I'll swear I'll do better love, I'll be the man you deserve..." he promised, kissing me.

"You already are, way more than I deserve" I reconnected our lips.

Note: please leave your thoughts and suggestions :)

I take requests, so if you have any please feel free to contact me :)

[shadowversejc]

Dance with Me (Allurance One-shot)

CASTLE OF LIONS – Season 6 Episode 5

“Okay, looks like we have the power we need to attempt a system restart!” Coran shouted, swinging back and forth upside down like a pendulum on the holographic screen. He slowed to a standstill, still upside down, clearly enjoying way too much of this at such a critical moment. “Allura, begin the reboot sequence!”

Allura stared at the hologram blankly. Her arms were crossed, tight against her chest.

“Allura!” Coran cried. “Can you hear me? Is this thing on mute? There’s a lot of blood rushing to my head so I keep hitting the wrong buttons!”

Still, she just gazed into the hologram, no life in the bright blue skies of her eyes. She looked a million light-years away, lost in some alternate reality. Lance glanced at her from his console. She did not stand upright at her post as always. Her back was slumped. Not a very good sign.

“Allura?” he said.

She flinched. “Oh, right! What is it you need?” She tried to sound upbeat but after all this time, Lance could see right through the façade. He knew what it was like. His whole life has been a façade.

Until Allura.

She mindlessly, perhaps even carelessly typed the sequence on a cyan keyboard that materialized from thin air.

Again, not a very good sign.

Before long, Coran again screamed over the intercoms that they ran into another snag and the Castle was still not operational. In that moment, Lance swore Coran sounded like a flock of ravens back home on Earth. And ravens usually signify some sort of incoming negative outcomes.

“I’ll head down to assist with repairs,” Krolia said. The tapping of her feet against the floor gradually faded until a sliding door closed behind her.

The hologram of Coran vanished, basking the room in deafening silence. Lance realized they were now alone. Lance. And Allura. Alone. Not often this happens.

Not long ago, he would probably start riffing off age-old pickup lines. But he was different now. She was different now.

No, she wasn’t different. He just opened his eyes. Finally looked around, for the first time. She was always Allura. Once just a hot alien reward. Now? Everything he could ever hope to be. The best version of Lance McClain. The bravest, awesomest person he ever met. Also the one who, by the looks of it, needed someone right now more than ever.

Sweat stained his palms. Her heart started galloping. He teetered over to her. “Allura, are you okay? You seem a little distracted.”

She stared at the ground, motionless, but closed her eyes in regret. He knew that look. He wore it his whole life. “I’m just so angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I played right into Lotor’s hands, and I fear my actions have placed us right into this dire situation. All of this is because of me.” Water glistened in her eyes.

Lance shook his head. “You didn’t put us in this situation. It was Shiro who went rogue and released the virus in the Castle. I thought I knew who he was.”

“No. This is my fault. I trusted Lotor. I helped him build and empower his ships, granting him unlimited access to the Quintessence field and put the entire universe in jeopardy. How can the Coalition ever be expected to trust me when I’m not sure I can even trust myself?”

Lance furrowed his brow, a wave of compassion coming over him. He desperately tried to come up with words of support. Honestly, he never had to do this before. “Allura, it wasn’t just you who trusted Lotor. We all did. I had more reason than anyone not to trust him, but he did everything right.” At this, she finally glanced up at him. Her eyes were big and bright and blue and more imposing than ever. A needy Allura. What a nightmare. He gulped. “He didn’t just fool you. He fooled us all.”

Suddenly, she threw her arms around him. He froze up for a moment, not expecting her to go so far so quickly. She snuggled her head against his shoulder and held onto him for dear life, as if they were both falling into the abyss. But maybe they would fall together.

He took a second to memorize her warmth, and honestly, it was the best second of his entire life. Somehow, they connected on a deeper level than ever before. She was okay with letting down her impervious walls. She was okay with baring her vulnerabilities. She was okay with him.

She was the rock that held the universe together. The force that ignited Voltron’s iron heart. The one who gave up everything she was for everyone else. Maybe, just maybe, Lance McClain is how the universe gives back. Someone who held her together. Someone who gave up everything he was just for her. It was ridiculously poetic, but if that was his lot in life, he wouldn’t even blink. He would run down that road with every fiber of his being. She was worth it.

“Let me tell you,” he started, “as someone who has made a million mistakes, all you can do is get up and try to make it right. We need you. The universe needs you.” Her shattered breaths shocked his shoulder. She weakened against him, letting him support her.

How much better could this day get?

No. Shut up.

He quieted down that old smelly Lance and held her all the more.

“Thank you, Lance,” she croaked. She pulled away and looked up at him, her eyes wet but far firmer in their glory than before. She grinned, a rainbow in the rain. A sun shining through a storm.

The entire room quaked and static overpowered the comms. They both jumped. Just as suddenly, a hologram appeared and displayed some random gibberish. Lance raised an eyebrow.

“Now playing: Lance’s Playlist.”

Lance shrieked. “Shit! I mean, quiznack! Quiznack!”

Instantly, the comms blared American Pie by Don McLean. One of his favorites. It reverberated against the walls, causing the room to vibrate and tremor.

Do you believe in rock ‘n roll? And can music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Lance cringed, afraid to look at Allura, but what he found was pure, childlike wonder. She grinned sheepishly. He reddened in embarrassment.

What the quiznack was the Castle doing hacking into his playlists? Is this like the time the Castle tried killing everyone?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him ‘Cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym You both kicked off your shoes Then I dig those rhythm and blues!

How metaphorical. He hated to give in but the classic seduced him easily. He started tapping his feet and bounced his head this way and that. Worse, he was snapping his fingers to the beat.

Allura just watched him, an awkward smile etched on her face. “Is this Earth music?”

“Great, right?” he returned. He drowned himself in the melody and literally, despite the hell going on outside, broke into a dance. He loosened and twisted his knees this way and that. His shoulders rose and fell in a cyclic jig, giving way into a ballerina-like spin. He laughed at the sheer absurdity of it all.

And while the king was looking down The jester stole his thorny crown

Allura kept smiling, but Lance swore she blushed a little. Maybe it was imagination, maybe it was legit, or maybe it was out of sheer second-hand embarrassment. Who knows? Maybe it’s all three.

“I never knew you were a dancer!” Allura said.

He smirked. “Come on, Allura!”

She shrank away and stiffened her arms timidly. “Oh, no, no. Me? This is not the time—”

He slid in front of her and grasped her hand tenderly. “Nuh uh, don’t ‘this is not the time’ me. Come on. You need this. What else are we going to do?”

Her frown flipped into a grin. She loosened and watched his movements, trying her best to copy. Earth’s dances were really weird and erratic.

Or maybe this is just Lance’s form of dancing. Yeah, that’s probably right.

She held his hand while they faced each other, doing a silly jig by moving their arms in synchrony up and down, side to side. She felt herself blush, but he was definitely red as a tomato. Her stomach went into annoying knots. She felt them before. With Lotor.

We were singing, bye, bye Miss American Pie Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry The good old boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye Saying, ‘This will be the day that I die’

He pulled her into a twirl then switched sides and pulled her back again. She spun again with a happy laugh and brushed against him. Her eyes exploded in a breathtaking supernova of white and blue. She looked more beautiful than ever. Happier than ever. Honestly, sometimes he forgot how young she was. She was really supposed to be like nineteen or whatever. If you didn’t know her, you’d think she’s ten thousand years old.

Oh wait.

Without any warning, he took her other hand and slowed into a gentle rock just as American Pie did as well. He clenched his jaw as they swayed side to side.

Don’t make this awkward. Don’t make this awkward. Don’t make this awkward.

She looked up at him, almost as if she heard his thoughts. Her dried tears on her cheeks shone like diamonds held to light. He warded off a gulp. How did they even get in this position? Face to face with Allura like this was not something he expected to happen today. And that’s after Lotor turned out to be Zarkon 2.0.

“Allura, I . . . I just want to . . . I want you to know . . .” Her eyes widened a bit, even more enveloping than before. He had to channel every ounce of Paladin strength to avoid being consumed by them. “I wish I could take the pain away. I wish I could make it all better, but I’m just some stupid boy from Cuba.”

“Lance—”

“It’s true. What I mean is, you’re not alone. You don’t have to suffer alone. You have all of us. You have . . . you have me, I guess.”

“No. You are more than that. I believe you are more than that. You are a Paladin of Voltron. You . . . you are so much like my father but you don’t see it.”

He made a face. “I don’t get it. How could I be anything like King Alfor? He’s Alfor!”

She grinned slightly and grasped his hands tighter. He was sure he was red as a tomato but couldn’t care less anymore.

“You are brave. You are strong, you know who you are, you give up your life for so many others, you love m— I mean . . .”

They both tensed at the same time. Her eyes widened into bowling balls. She flustered and looked away.

Too late. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Wait, was she going to say what he thought she was going to say? How did she know that?

What? What? What?

The mice.

Those savages.

“Allura—”

Keith’s voice screamed over the intercom.

Interrupted, again.

[krissiefox]

Super Mario Sunshine (Gamecube) (Review)

"I'm having Sonic Unleashed flashbacks…"*

Despite my love for the genre of platformer games, I seem to be having a rough time with 3D offerings of the genre as of late…

Super Mario Sunshine is one of the many Mario titles in my collection I was long overdue for sitting down and trying to complete, and finally began to do so when my wife suggested I play it alongside her while we were resting in our Bungalow lodge on a trip a couple years ago. It starts with Mario, along with Princess Peach, Toadsworth, a bunch of other unnamed Toadstool folk, traveling to a resort island named Delfino. Unfortunately, shortly after arriving, a strange imposter of Mario begins causing messes of weird slime and graffiti around the island, and even cursing away the sunshine!

Shortly after meeting a seemingly sentient robotic back-mounted water pump machine named F.L.U.D.D., poor Mario gets blamed by their not very good court system, lacking any hard evidence and sentencing him based on the fact that "he looks kinda like the guy who did it". Mario is then sentenced to clean up all of the pollution and graffiti using F.L.U.D.D.

The water-themed game play gimmicks are a fun idea, but already present one of the difficulties I had with this game - one of the more important functions F.L.U.D.D. can perform is to spray water forward at enemies to stun or defeat them. Unfortunately, the aiming for this system is very awkward, and you have to very lightly press the fire button if you want to be able to shoot water while running, something that also barely worked for me. These awkward controls resulted in me suffering a lot of cheap-feelings hits, being unable to orient both the camera and my aiming in time to stop an approaching enemy. Thankfully, the other special F.L.U.D.D. moves are more reliable - there's a water jet-pack move that lets you briefly hover after jumping, helping with both reaching far platforms and making a precision landing. You also get to eventually unlock a water-blast jump that sends you flying high into the sky. Sadly, while the controls for both these functions are quite responsive, they tie into another big problem I had with the game - the camera and the physics. Every time Mario goes airborne, he always feels kind of awkward and floaty to me, and because of how the normal high jump works, I'd sometimes send Mario back-flipping in the opposite direction I wanted to send him. The camera seems to be a semi-cinematic style, sometimes moving involuntarily while I'm on a moving platform making it really hard to line up my next jump or rocket blast.

The game's world is set up like it was in Super Mario 64 - You have your main Hub world, Delfino Island, with magical portals that you can eventually discover and unlock that send you into other locations. Each of these special locations contain many different missions. Some of the missions I found pretty enjoyable, even with the awkward controls and camera, the environments are lovely to look at and fun to explore. Some missions will send you into what I call "obstacle courses" where Mario gets F.L.U.D.D. taken away and is tasked with navigating platforms over a bottomless pit -meaning that the controls and camera become just that much more of a nightmare. I dreaded every one of these obstacle courses and couldn't wait for them to be over so I could go back to hopping around on solid ground again.

Graphically, the game is delightful. Being one of the Gamecube's launch titles, it did a nice job of showcasing the water motion and shader effects the new console could pull off, which are pretty impressive for a game from 2000, and it still looks really nice to me now. As with any Mario game it is also bright, colorful and full of fun character designs. The music and sound design are great, though the limited voice acting in the game made the cut scenes feel kind of strange and disquieting - characters would often speak to Mario, but Mario would just stare back at them and barely emote at all, making him feel kind of creepy. This is a shame because having gotten to meet Charles Martinet (Mario's voice actor) last year, I find Mario all the more charming as a character because whenever he makes his happy Mario sounds I think of Mr. martinet having himself a good time in his little voice recording booth, and can't help but smile at that.

Outside of wonky controls and a fussy camera, another problem with the game is the usual Nintendo sexism. Not long after starting the game, Peach is once again treated like a trophy object and repeatedly kidnapped, needing rescuing multiple times over. This sort of thing i off-putting when it happens, and makes me glad that they aren't doing this to her in that recent Super Mario movie.

Overall, I have very mixed feelings about this game. Much like with Sonic Unleashed, I love the visual presentation, the audio design, and some of the level missions are a lot of fun - while others are a slog to be simply endured. If you have a lot of patience for difficult 3D platforming, you may have a good time, but otherwise I might suggest looking into one of Mario's other game offerings - there's certainly no shortage of them!

*Note: This is another game I decided to just post up my review of even though I haven't finished it, due to continuous frustration and loss of interest.

[blazehedgehog]

Not all that related to the last question outside of the name drop, but what are your thoughts on Donkey Kong 64?

So generally I'd get consoles when they were new and relevant. Not brand new, like I'd never have them at launch, but at some point during that generation, my Mom would find a sale somewhere or save up enough money or whatever.

So, for example, 1992, I got a SNES. 1994, I got a Genesis. 1995, I got a 32X and a Sega CD, because in both scenarios, Toys 'R' Us was having an overstock fire sale and you could pick the hardware up for about $30 each and games for around $2. 1996, I got lucky and had enough money to buy a Sega Saturn for myself. 1997, I got a Playstation for Christmas. So on and so forth.

The one time that did not happen was with the Nintendo 64. The N64 was the rich kids console. A Playstation game was about $30, maybe $40. A Nintendo 64 game could be $60, $70, even $90+.

Not something you get when you're a family that has more or less lived paycheck to paycheck for basically their entire lifetime.

So I think it was after I got my Gamecube in 2004 or 2005, my Mom surprised me with a brand new hot pink Nintendo 64 and a huge number of pre-owned games. At the time I was confused and a little let down, but in retrospect it was actually kind of awesome, because she got me Super Mario 64, Mario Kart 64, Pokemon Stadium (with the Gameboy attachment!), Ocarina of Time, Diddy Kong Racing, Perfect Dark, and lastly, Donkey Kong 64.

She had fond memories of the year I got Donkey Kong Country for Christmas, and swapping the controller back and forth as we played. She wasn't very good at those games, but she thought the game looked beautiful, and hoped DK64 would fill that niche. Unfortunately, outside of the two racing games, she struggled to understand 3D analog character movement and it kind of soured her on all video games, forever.

I was already well acquainted with Super Mario 64. I was the kind of kid that latched on to in-store demo kiosks and would stand there playing for hours as long as nobody else was around, and I'd played quite a lot at a friend's house. I'd seen almost the entire game by this point. So, I dove right into Donkey Kong 64 first.

Well. That's a lie. Gamestop had sold my Mom Donkey Kong 64 without the RAM expansion cart. She knew the game required it, and they claimed to have included it at the time, but it was nowhere to be found. So we had to wait a day for the store to open back up.

But when I finally sat down to play it, the first impression I remember having was it taking over 20 minutes for me to get my first golden banana and thinking, "I hope the rest of the game isn't like that." Because, you know, 30 minutes in Super Mario 64, and you probably have enough stars to be halfway to the first boss fight. Each star (and in this case, golden banana) is tantamount to the game's "level" and opening with a level that took me 20+ minutes to figure out and complete is kind of outrageous.

But the rest of the game is actually worse.

Donkey Kong 64 is maybe the first and greatest example of quantity over quality. As legend goes, the game began development with Tim Stamper handing the team a list of items he thought needed to be collectables in their next game. If you have so many collectables you need to make a list to hold them all, that's your first mistake.

DK64 is a grind. It's a slog. Individual ideas don't seem so bad when viewed in isolation but everything around them is so watered down and stretched so thin that it's exhausting to deal with. It is a game about testing the limits of your tolerance for tedium.

My second strongest memory is opening up the final level and it taking me close to an hour. It's kind of a series of challenge rooms and minigames tailored to each Kong. The thing is, you get a time limit to finish the level. For every blueprint you've found elsewhere in the game, the timer gets extended, which is how I know how long it took me to finish the level.

Except... I didn't finish it. I got all the way to the final door, and with only a few minutes to spare, realized you needed both a Nintendo coin and a Rareware coin in order to open it and reach the final boss. I think I only had the Rareware coin.

Knowing how long it took me to get through this level, combined with the fact I'd have to find that Nintendo coin, and everything else... I gave up. I thought, "naw, I'm good."

And I didn't touch the game for 15 years.

Sometime in the last couple years, for whatever reason, I began poking at DK64 again in an emulator.

Not like, a lot. Just every now and then. But then I got up to Gloomy Galleon, and that level is the first one that really, actually, massively sucks so I haven't gone back to it in like six months.

Anyway. Awful game. Rare had really messed up priorities and the game is a massive disappointment. Sometimes it's a wonder Nintendo gave them the Donkey Kong license.

[crmsnmth]

Finding Comfort

My favorite game growing up was Bubsy: Claws Encounters of The Furred Kind. I didn't realize the awful controls, or that Bubsy never ever stopped with one-liners and quips, only comparable to the absolute worst of bad puns and shitty pop culture references. I didn't realize that the momentum and snaps of camera weren't all the best for feelings of motion sickness. I had no idea that it was repetitive and kind of a boring game overall. I didn't feel like the hit boxes around enemies was utterly damaged and sometimes you die from heights and sometimes you don't. The very basic rules of the game are flawed with bad design choices and even worse programming.

But I loved it. I only had five games for my Sega Genesis, and Bubsy was the one that held my attention. It held it over Sonic The Hedgehog, over Tailspin, over Bio-hazard Battle, and definitely far over Cutthroat Island. I could never get past the third act on Marble Zone. I couldn't keep up with the patterns of Dr. Robotnik. And I never could get past the first flying stage in Tailspin, until I learned it's easier as Baloo and not Kit. I never was all that great at the side shooting space ship games, but I played the crap out of the first level. It took me years before I ever beat the first boss. And Cutthroat island was impossible for a kid more excited to be playing a video game, then to be any good at it.

But Bubsy was different. It was playing a cartoon, with it's ADHD gameplay and constant cartoon physics that it enthralled me. It hooked me as a kid, and I played it all the time. I figured out every path through it, and tonight I was going to beat it, come hell or high water. I think my parents were having a party that night, because I never was allowed to play more than an hour a day. Unless there was a party, and there were a lot of parties. Which meant I went to my room, closed the door, and played Bubsy on a little combination VCR/TV combo that sat with small screen atop my dresser. And I'd play Bubsy instead of listening to the sounds of snorting, and laughter, and talking that seemed to be way to fast to be normal. But Bubsy's little one-liners would mute out the sound.

And I'd play late into the night. Even as a kid I was an insomniac. I'd have my light off and just be in the glow of a digital world that I enjoyed so deeply. It was there on nights where my parents weren't having a party, but instead shouting and screaming and throwing things. It was there when I learned how to entertain myself, because there was no one willing to do anything. You can only ride your bike in the driveway for so long before the scenery gets boring. It was there when I started to realize that that's how life was, and you had to learn to love your isolation. It was there to make me laugh at the horrible cartoon animations, especially of the death sequences when nothing else seemed bright. I never did beat it.

I grew, and eventually moved on with consoles, old one's being stacked at the foot of my closet, forgotten for the next generation, with shoe boxes filled with old games and cords. And I learned of the awfulness everybody thought of one of my all-time favorite games. I learned about all it's actual major flaws, and as soon as it was pointed out to me, I couldn't help but agree. But I agreed, sheepishly. Like a cat owner telling you how much they love their little asshole. My cat's a pain in the ass, but she's my best friend. I learned it had sequels that I'd never played, and when I did eventually play the rest in the series, I was let down. The magic wasn't there like it was in that over sized black Sega Genesis cart. And as dramatic as this sounds, that was the day my childhood officially ended.

Then life came, and I traveled. I suffered loss and heartbreak and addiction and have started over more times then I can count. I've had some triumphs, but a lot more failure. I've lived isolated, and I've lived always outside. And life got hard. It got hard and I didn't know what to do. I searched inside myself, trying to remember who I was. Who I was supposed to be. I searched through months of alcohol induced sleep. Through the dance between dealer and user. I searched through rehabilitation, and through relapse. I searched through loves, both real and imagined. I searched through razorblade traces, and through far too many little yellow pills. I searched, and I searched, and I searched.

I couldn't find myself, so I sunk deeper into myself, as if my brain was sentient quicksand, knowing exactly where I had to step to save myself. To actually learn myself. To remind myself that no matter how hard life kicked me down I had to stand up and never fall down that route again.

While stoned and alone with the internet, I found an emulator one day, a Sega Genesis emulator. I'd never even thought about that little black box that kept me company on thumping rock music nights, in so many years. And as I looked through rom files, stoned and staring at lists and lists of games, I downloaded one here and there, the usual games people get. Sonic, Gunstar, the one's that top every top ten list. And there was a picture of the stupid annoying bobcat. I downloaded it, as a joke, because Bubsy is so awful. I wanted to see how bad it really was, you know, for funsies. I know it's awful. Everyone says it's awful. Everyone lists it as one of the worst games ever made. But as soon as that download finished, I was loading it.

And the screen went black and to the publishing screens, and there was a twitch in my head. A quick blinking of my lids. And I pressed start. And that familiar music started playing. The graphics which are still an odd choice instantly brought me back to being eight years old again. And I played. I ran through the first three levels, because those are the ones I played the most. I jumped on dumb enemy design, watching them puff into a fighting scuffle of smoke. For the first time in years, I was safe. I was in a place I knew for a long time. I was with something I had forgotten knew how to comfort me. And it comforted me. The fairground levels made me tear up, feeling a sense of ease I didn't know actually existed. By the time the swamp levels began, I wasn't the person I disliked anymore. I was that quiet kid, who was more excited to be playing a video game, then I was to be any good at it.

I beat the game that night, in one simple cathartic moment. It was over. The game was finally over. This horribly made annoyance of game was over. I had finally tackled a beast. And I cried. I know how pathetic that must really sound, but I cried. It was a release. A chapter finally closed. The exaltation of beating a game I once held so close to my heart was such a release. And it may have been because I no longer heard the sounds of a lower case home. It was quiet when the credits rolled. And I slept as the game played its animations over and over again. Unwatched by closed eyes with quiet dreams.