#i did not learn to say it from sean

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I always forget this story when someone asks "What's the worst mansplaining you ever heard aimed at you?"

Because when you ask me a direct question about a topic, my brain goes entirely blank.

But, so it's out there:

At one point, I wrote the training for a machine, and was then sent to a location to train people on the machine. Very common thing. No big deal.

My boss came along to observe because the goal was that he'd be sent to do the training while I stayed put and updated documents in real time based on any notes he would send.

Day one of training completes. My boss and I go out to dinner. I am delighted to 1) find out we both love Pho, and 2) discover a Pho place. We have a delicious dinner and call it a night.

The next day, one of the guys I'm training comes up to me before we get started and asks if I'd had a nice night.

"Oh, yeah, it was great. We went out for Pho."

"Oh, you mean Pho?"

I looked at him for a second because he'd said it exactly like I'd said it (Fu, like saying "fuck," is how someone taught me to say it). And I said, "Yeah, Pho."

"Oh, well, it's pronounced Pho."

Again, said EXACTLY the way I was saying it. But his energy was weird. Like, I thought he was maybe mishearing me, but the way he came back, it felt very...pointed. Like he needed me to know he was fancy or something.

"That's how I'm saying it," I said. "Pho."

"No, you see, it's Pho."

And that's when I realized there was no way to fix this except to fucking nuke it, so I said, "Oh, well, you say it exactly the same as my husband, and I know he and I say it the same way."

He sort of shorted out for a moment then went and sat down. Then did not talk to me unless necessary the rest of the training. I feel it's important to know I had an unquestionable wedding set on my left finger the whole time. It's not like he was shooting his shot with someone he thought was single.

But also, that's your shot? Trying to tell me I'm mispronouncing something while saying it exactly the same as me????

Dude.

[hashtagloveloses]

The headline is pretty awful but this is one of those things that gets worse as you read it:

The 14-page petition, filed in Shelby County, Tennessee, probate court, alleges that Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy, who took Oher into their home as a high school student, never adopted him. Instead, less than three months after Oher turned 18 in 2004, the petition says, the couple tricked him into signing a document making them his conservators, which gave them legal authority to make business deals in his name.

"Michael Oher discovered this lie to his chagrin and embarrassment in February of 2023, when he learned that the Conservatorship to which he consented on the basis that doing so would make him a member of the Tuohy family, in fact provided him no familial relationship with the Tuohys."

Oher was a rising high school senior when he signed the conservatorship papers, and he has written that the Tuohys told him that there was essentially no difference between adoption and conservatorship. "They explained to me that it means pretty much the exact same thing as 'adoptive parents,' but that the laws were just written in a way that took my age into account," Oher wrote in his 2011 best-selling memoir "I Beat the Odds."

But there are some important legal distinctions. If Oher had been adopted by the Tuohys, he would have been a legal member of their family, and he would have retained power to handle his own financial affairs. Under the conservatorship, Oher surrendered that authority to the Tuohys, even though he was a legal adult with no known physical or psychological disabilities.

While the [movie] deal allowed the Tuohys to profit from the film, the petition alleges, a separate 2007 contract purportedly signed by Oher appears to "give away" to 20th Century Fox Studios the life rights to his story "without any payment whatsoever." The filing says Oher has no recollection of signing that contract, and even if he did, no one explained its implications to him.

The [movie] deal lists all four Tuohy family members as having the same representative at Creative Artists Agency, the petition says. But Oher's agent, who would receive movie contract and payment notices, is listed as Debra Branan, a close family friend of the Tuohys and the same lawyer who filed the 2004 conservatorship petition, the petition alleges. Branan did not return a call to her law office on Monday.

"Mike's relationship with the Tuohy family started to decline when he discovered that he was portrayed in the movie as unintelligent," Stranch said. "Their relationship continued to deteriorate as he learned that he was the only member of the family not receiving royalty checks from the movie, and it was permanently fractured when he realized he wasn't adopted and a part of the family."

For years, Oher has chafed at how "The Blind Side" depicted him, saying it hurt his football career and clouded how people view him. He has said that based on the film, some NFL decision-makers assumed he was mentally slow or lacked leadership skills.

"People look at me, and they take things away from me because of a movie," Oher told ESPN in 2015. "They don't really see the skills and the kind of player I am."

"Beyond the details of the deal, the politics, and the money behind the book and movie, it was the principle of the choices some people made that cut me the deepest."

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

illicit affairs

Summary: Stranded in an airport hotel because of hurricane warning, you snatch the last hotel room for the following two nights, not knowing that these two nights would change your life forever. You meet Joel and spend every moment you can with him until he leaves you in the middle of the night the day you both had to go back home. Months later, heartbroken and pregnant from a man you hadn’t even exchanged last names with, you go back to your hometown to meet your mother’s new boyfriend, not knowing it’s Joel.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader // Joel Miller x fem. readers mother

Wordcount: 6.7k

Rating: E

Warnings: no outbreak AU, meet cute, age gap (around twenty years, but it’s not specified) flirting, kissing, smut (oral f receiving, protected sex, unprotected sex, so much sex) accidental pregnancy, angst, vomiting, fluff, heartbreak

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this fic that turned into a little beast

illicit affairs master list // Pedro Masterlist

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You weren’t particularly looking forward to the next three days. 

Not that you didn’t love your mother. You were happy for her. After your father died almost eight years ago she deserved to be happy again. To be loved by someone. 

You just had a weird feeling about this trip, and you couldn’t say exactly why.

You had moved back to Austin for a couple of months after your father died. You had been between jobs and while you did not particularly enjoy the summer heat of Texas, or living in your childhood room, you were glad you had been there for your mother. 

You only took the job that had been offered you in Seattle because she told you that it was time. That she was okay. That it was time to live your life. You only left because you knew your brother Sean was moving back to Austin to start his new job in the weeks after you left. 

„Have you met her new man yet?“ You asked Sean as you sat in the passenger seat of his car. 

Thankfully he had offered his guest bedroom for your three day stay. Not that you wouldn’t like staying with your mom, but you were pretty sure you could not hide the fact that you had gotten pregnant from a stranger four months ago from her, when you would be staying with her 24/7. 

Your brother was a bit more… oblivious. 

You weren’t showing yet, and even though you knew you had to tell your family at some point, you weren’t ready to do it right now. 

You wondered when you were ready to tell them, but that was a problem for next week you, who could lock herself into her apartment back home in Seattle. 

Of course you knew this wouldn’t just go away, but additionally to the fact that you had gotten pregnant, you had no way of contacting the father, leaving you as a single mom. 

You only knew his first name. You didn’t get a chance to learn more about him. 

You closed your eyes, letting your head fall against the window of Sean’s car. 

„I haven’t met him. I only know he has a Construction company with his brother. That’s how mom and him met,“ he said. You nodded. 

„She seems happy. I hope he’s nice,“ you sighed.

„What about you? Someone in your life I need to have a big brother talk with?“ He asked and you scoffed. 

„I found out that all men are assholes,“ you rolled your eyes and Sean laughed. 

„Could have told you that before,“ he grinned and you punched his arm and he winced with a dramatic ouch. 

„Anyway. No men. Might get a cat,“ and a baby you added in your head. 

„I’m allergic to cats,“ he reminded you. 

„Remind me how that is my problem?“

It was a nice neighbourhood Sean drove his car through, looking for the address your mother gave you. It was a typical suburban neighbourhood. 

Kids playing on the front lawn. 

A men washing his car. 

Women who took care of the little garden that wasn’t burnt by the sun yet. 

Fuck, you forgot how hot Texas was during the summer. 

„Here we are,“ Sean hummed and you followed his gaze as he parked the car in the driveway of a two story home behind a black pick up truck. Your mothers Honda was standing parked next to it. 

You gave yourself a moment to gather your thoughts while you looked at the house. 

It was a nice house. You could see that someone was keeping it maintained and loved. There was a big tree with a swing outside and you wondered if the man had kids too. Before you could look closer at the house the front door opened and your mother stepped out, a big smile on her face. 

„Here goes nothing,“ Sean said and you shook your head with a small smile before you opened the door. 

Arms were wrapped around you almost the moment you stepped out of the car, your mother pulling you in a tight hug. 

„My baby,“ she whispered against your ear and you smiled, wrapping your arms around her.

„Hi mom,“ you said, suddenly overwhelmed by your emotions as you fought down the tears. She kissed your cheek before she looked at you with a warm smile. 

„I missed you,“ she said.

„Missed you too,“ you mumbled and she squeezed you softly.

„What about me?“ Sean interrupted and you rolled your eyes. 

„What about you?“ Your mother asked with a grin. 

„Didn’t you miss your son?“ He poured and you shook your head with a laugh.

„I saw you yesterday. I brought you and John leftover lasagna,“ your mother reminded him and he shrugged before he hugged her too. 

You took a moment to look around the neighbourhood when you heard the door behind you open again. 

„Come on. Joel has been grilling steaks in the backyard. They’re to die for,“ your mother said and you allowed yourself a moment to close your eyes as you heard the name. 

The last time you heard it, it was you who said it, moaned it. He had you pressed against the mattress, thrusting deeply into you, whispering filth into your ear…

You shook your head. Not the time. 

„Kids, I want you to meet Joel Miller,“ your mother took your hand and you turned around with a welcoming smile that froze as your eyes landed on the man in front of you. Dark familiar brown eyes finding yours. His eyes widened for a second before he looked away from you, holding his hand out for your brother to shake. 

You blinked your eyes a couple times, trying to make him disappear. It couldn’t be him. There was no way that this was….

Your mothers arm sneaked around his waist, his arm around her shoulders. You saw him take a deep breath before he turned his body towards you, holding his hand out for you to shake. 

„And this is my daughter,“ your mother introduced you with your name and you were hoping that whatever you were feeling right now was not showing on your face. 

As if on autopilot you pulled your hand up to meet his, your whole body reacting to his touch as his hand squeezed yours, fighting down the thoughts of how this hand touched you the last time you were close to each other. 

„Nice to meet you,“ he said and you gulped, meeting his eyes. 

„Nice to meet you too, Joel.“

Five-ish months earlier

It was pure luck that you got a hotel room for the night. Your flight back home to Seattle had been canceled due to a hurricane warning and you had rushed to the first airport hotel in Phoenix, the airport you had been stranded on on your way back from New York. 

Of course you had no idea some kind of construction job fair networking event thing was held at exactly this hotel for the whole weekend. Though it did explain the price of the room.

You ignored the absurd price tag to the last room you were able to get, making your way with the keycard in hand towards the elevator that would bring you to the 11th floor where you room was. 

Waiting in front of the elevator you let your eyes wander through the impressive foyer before the doors of the elevator in front of you opened. You gripped your suitcase before you looked up again, meeting the eyes of the man who was stepping out of the elevator. 

He gave you a small smile, holding the elevator for you, as he stepped out. 

You swallowed slowly, giving him a thankful smile, walking past him into the elevator. Your eyes slipped close as you smelled his aftershave, your back turned towards him before you turned around, facing him. He was still standing in front of you. He was taller than you, dressed completely in black, dark jeans with a black dress shirt tucked into his pants. The first buttons of his shirt were opened, the sleeves rolled back over his tanned muscular forearms, the ends of a black tattoo just so visible on his arm, making you wonder what exactly it was. 

He was by all means one of the most attractive men you had ever seen in your life.

And at least twenty years older than you. 

There was an amused smile on his lips as as your eyes finally landed on his, having of course noticed you checking him out. 

You felt your cheeks warming as his dark eyes looked at you. 

„Thank you,“ you blurted out and he raised his eyebrows. 

„For holding the elevator,“ you clarified, feeling stupid. So fucking stupid. 

You took a deep breath, which was a dumb idea because he and his aftershave had been in this elevator before and it was mouthwatering. Raising your hand you pushed the button for the eleventh floor. 

„You’re welcome,“ he said and fuck, even his voice was sexy. 

He was about to say more when someone clapped on his shoulder. 

"Come on Joel. Let’s get some drinks,“ a man said to, dressed similar. 

The last thing you saw from the man you know knew was named Joel were his eyes on you, winking, as the elevator closed. 

While your initial plain consisted of ordering room service and watching the Bachelor until you fell asleep, one phone call with your best friend after making it to the hotel room left you getting your little black dress out (well not so little, but it was one of the nicer dresses you owned) and putting some light make up on. 

You couldn’t exactly explain what it was that you were doing, but deep down you knew you would regret not going down to the bar and maybe finding that man, Joel, again. Even if you would only look at him from afar like a creepy stalker. 

You never made the first step and your best friend made the very logical point that if you embarrassed yourself for some reason, you would never see the man again. 

Nervously talking a last look into the mirror you walked out of the bathroom, switching the lights off. 

Sitting down on your bed you took a deep breath. 

What were you doing?

You did not know this man. You haven’t even really talked to him. He was older than you. And probably married. Or a serial killer. Not that you had a chance with someone who looked like that. You would probably humiliate yourself, chasing after some guy who was just trying to be nice to a stranger. 

„Why am I like this?“ You whined, letting yourself fall back against the bed. 

Closing your eyes you tried to relax.

You could do this. You never went for what you wanted. And you wanted him. 

„One drink,“ you said to yourself before you got up from the bed, got your heels on and walked out of your room. 

You had just gotten your first drink when you felt someone sit down next to you. A shy smile sneaked onto your face, because before you had even looked at the man sitting next to you, you had smelled his aftershave. 

He was already looking at you when you finally turned towards him. 

„Mind if I sit here?“ He asked and your smile widened. 

„Not at all,“ you said.

„Joel,“ you gasped, your head falling back against the door of your room he had pressed you against. 

Not even in your wildest dreams did you imagine this outcome when you decided to get down to the bar. You didn’t even think he was really interested. But the more you talked, the closer you got. His warmth against your side as your feet ran up his thigh when he told you about his work. About his life. 

About how he hasn’t stopped thinking about what you might look like when you came. 

„So fucking pretty,“ he hummed before his lips crashed down on yours. One of his hands pinning your arms over your head against the door while his other hand pushed your skirt slowly up, his fingers running up your thigh. 

„Fuck,“ you moaned, your legs already shaking and he hadn’t even touched you really yet. 

His lips wandered down your throat and you could feel him smile against your skin, his teeth carefully nibbling at your skin as his hand slipped between your legs, finding your drenched. 

„You gonna let me eat this pussy?“ He hummed and you groaned. 

„Please,“ you gasped. He chuckled, his finger slowly pushing your panties aside. 

„Bet you taste delicious,“ he grinned before his head dipped between your breasts. He kissed the top of them, inhaling deeply. 

„Smell so fucking good,“ he hummed. He let go of his grip around your wrist but you kept them up. 

„Good girl,“ he hummed and kissed you. 

„Want you to get naked for me and lay down on your bed, can you do that for me?“ he asked. You licked your lips, nodding your head. 

You hooked your fingers into the straps of your dress, slowly pushing them down your shoulder, Joel’s dark eyes following your every move. His finger still slowly swiping through your pussy. 

Reaching around you unhooked your bra, your eyes on him, slipping it down your arms, letting it fall to the ground. 

His jaw tensed, his eyes taking you in. 

He took a step back from you, his touch leaving you and you slipped your dress down your body, your panties too. 

Stepping out of them you walked slowly towards the bed, getting out of your heels but he stopped you. 

„Keep them on,“ he grunted and you nodded with a small grin. 

Walking past him towards your bed your sat down, slipping back until you were sitting in the middle of the bed, completely naked, safe for your heels. 

„So fucking pretty,“ Joel said, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe he was here right now. You let your eyes wander down his broad body, your mouth salivating when you noticed the prominent outline of his cock through his dark jeans. 

„Spread those legs for me,“ he said and you tilted your head up to look into his eyes. 

The way he looked at you made you feel incredibly sexy, confident, powerful. 

Slowly you angled your legs, letting them fall open for him. 

He sucked his bottom lip in, just look at your pussy that was so wet you were sure you were dripping onto the sheets beneath you. 

„God fucking damn,“ he groaned and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. 

Your greedy eyes took in every inch of skin he revealed to your eyes, dying to run your hands and tongue over his broad chest. He carefully slipped his shirt from his upper body, taking great care to hang it over the back of a chair. 

When he turned back towards you, seeing your amused expression he shrugged. 

„Need to wear that again tomorrow. Can’t have your pussy all over it,“ he explained nonchalantly.  

„On my face on the other hand….“ he winked before he slowly joined you on the bed, laying down on his chest right between your legs. 

His lips kissed up your inner thigh, his beard deliciously scratching over your skin the closer he got to where you were dripping for him. 

Your eyes followed his every move, his dark eyes fixed on you as you saw his lip part, leaning in. You felt his tongue dip into your slit, licking up, teasing your clit all while he moaned as if he just tasted heaven. 

„Fucking knew it,“ he groaned. His arms slipped around your upper thighs, pulling you against his mouth, before dove in. Driving you positively insane with his wicked tongue as he slowly but surely brought you to what you would later would find out, first orgasm of the night. 

Your fingers were wrapped around the soft strands of his hair as he held you down, licking into you until you came undone, crying out in pleasure as your orgasm left you gasping for air. 

He cleaned you with his tongue, carefully, as you tried to normalise your breathing and heart rate. When he was finished he just looked up at you, his cheek resting on your thigh, his chin glistening with you.

„Better than I imagined,“ he whispered, kissing your thigh.

„Huh?“ You asked confused. 

He grinned. 

„Your face when you cum,“ he winked and you flushed, warmth spreading over your whole body. 

Sitting yourself up you reached for him, pulling him up until he was laying on top of you, your hands in his hair as you pulled him towards you, kissing him deeply. You wrapped your legs around his back, wanting him closer. 

He moaned against your lips, his tongue dipping into your mouth. 

„I want you to fuck me,“ you whispered against his lips. 

„I intend to. As often as you let me,“ he hummed back, kissing you again. 

He grabbed a pillow when he parted from you, pushing it under your hips before he got up from the bed, getting out of his jeans and boxers. You couldn’t help but bite your lip when you saw his cock for the first time. 

Dying to have him inside of you but….

„Joel,“ you said softly and he looked at you. 

„It’s been some time…. Years and I…“ you suddenly felt shy, not knowing how to carry on. 

He grabbed something before he slowly sat down on the bed. He came to rest on his side, right next to you. 

„We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,“ he promised, his hand on your cheek. You turned to your side, looking at him.

„I want to. I just want you to know that it’s been a while and well… you’re fucking huge,“ you shrugged with a awkward laugh. He chuckled, his fingers on your chin tilting it up, so you had to look at him. 

„You may be surprised, but I don’t do this often either,“ he said and while your first reaction was to scoff and not believe him, his expression remained honest and open and you believed him. 

Slowly your brought one of your hands up to rest on his warm chest, right against his heart feeling it beat. 

„Okay,“ you whispered and leaned in to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against him as he kissed you. One of his legs came between yours, his thigh meeting your pussy, making you gasp. 

You just kissed for a while, touching, getting familiar with each other before he slowly turned you so you were back to laying on your back, him hovering over you. 

He parted form your lips, reaching for a condom and you realised that this must have been what he grabbed earlier. He gave you a sheepish smile as he ripped the package open, sitting himself up so he could slip the condom on. 

„Thought you might get lucky huh?“ You teased and he grinned. 

„Hoped,“ he clarified, lining himself up the tip of his cock slipping into you without any resistance. 

„For the record, I have an IUD,“ you said and his eyes darkened but he shrugged his shoulders. 

„Better safe than sorry,“ he winked before he slowly sank into you. 

Sex with Joel was not like anything you ever experienced before. 

He watched your face for any expression, slowing down when he noticed discomfort. He took his time learning what you liked, his sole goal for when he was in your room being your pleasure. 

He told you that he was here for this construction congress thing, but whenever he did not have to work or shake hands he was with you. 

You didn’t talk about what you were doing. You were living in the moment, not thinking of what would happen once Monday came and you both had to leave this hotel and get back into your life’s.

He only had made one rule. 

Not to catch any feelings. 

Which you thought you could do.

But he was just so… fucking perfect. At least the version of him you got to spend time with.

It was not even the sex, which was positively mind-blowing, mind you. It was the moments after when he held you and told you about his hobbies. About his company. About his life. Always keeping it vague, never saying anything about where he was from. 

Much like you. 

On Saturday morning before he had to go to get to a meeting he had you in the shower, your body pressed against the shower wall as he fucked into your from behind, hard, leaving you to moan so loudly when you came that you were sure you would get a noise complaint. 

It was the only time he fucked you without a condom and came inside of you.

You never had this much sex and it had never ever been this good before. 

Maybe it was because he was older, maybe it was because there was something more….

You hadn’t talked about an after. 

After the sex.

After falling asleep in each others arms. 

After the conference. 

You didn’t have a chance to talk about a potential after when you woke up Monday morning at 3:22 am, finding the bed next to you cold. 

At first you thought he was in the bathroom but after a couple of minutes and no sound coming from the room, you sat yourself up, turning the lamp on the bedside table on. 

You could still feel his cum that had dried on your stomach hours before, when you found a note from him on the bedside table that said

Thank you

Two months later you found out you were pregnant.

Now

He has been ignoring you. 

Which was making you even angrier, because you did nothing wrong. 

You were sitting with your mother on the backyard patio enjoying some iced tea, watching your brother and Joel at the grill. 

You had learned all the important stuff about Joel from your mother in the last ten minutes.

He was forty five, six years younger than your mom, but still much older than you. He had a daughter whose name was Sarah. She was twenty seven, living in Dallas and working as a doctor, about to be married next spring. 

You were just nodding along, frankly overwhelmed with the situation. 

You had sex with your mothers boyfriend. 

Yes, you didn’t know it back then, and you had verified with your mother when they met each other, they only started dating after that weekend you had spend with him. 

But you had slept with him. 

You were pregnant from him. 

You were pregnant with your mothers boyfriends child. 

„Are you okay?“ You mother asked. You almost jumped, your ice tea spilling a little.

„Sorry. A little tired. Work is busy,“ you lied. 

„I’m so proud of you baby. My little girl is going places,“ she smiled and you smiled back. Thankfully your brother sat down next to her, involving her in a conversation. It gave you the chance to sneak away into the house to find the bathroom. 

You walked by a wall of pictures. Joel was in many of them and the man you had seen back in Phoenix was there too. 

You smiled when you saw a younger version of Joel next to a girl that looked so much like him. You saw her grow up through the pictures on the wall. You could see that Joel was a proud dad. Always next to her at the milestones of her life. 

For some reason it made you tear up, your hand coming to rest over your stomach, the bump barely there. 

Your child would never have this. 

They would never have a loving father who was there every single day, for every milestone in their life. 

You couldn’t do that to your mother. She was clearly in love with him. 

But maybe you were in love with him too. 

No man had made you feel like Joel did before. Yes you had some relationships, even one where you could see yourself getting married before it ended. 

But Joel….

The things he made you feel in that hotel room were like nothing you had ever felt before. And not just sexually. You felt safe with him. You felt comfortable with him, even when you were both quiet and just enjoying the moment. 

You thought it was just a stupid crush at first. Because of the way you met and how it ended. 

You couldn’t fall in love with someone you had only known for three days, right?

But against all odds you did, and you had made your peace with it. 

You could even understand him leaving you in the middle of the night. 

He had told you that he was single and not married. And you believed him. You were much younger than him, which would make this… thing between the two of you most likely not have a future anyway. And long distance was not something that was easy. 

You made every excuse in the books for him. 

But standing here in his house, looking at his life, all you felt was sadness. 

Sadness over what you wouldn’t have. 

Why did it have to be him?

„Your mother and your brother left to get ice cream for dessert,“ Joel’s voice made you jump. You hadn’t even heard him come in. Nodding you walked away from this wall of memories, to search for the bathroom your mother had shown your earlier. 

You felt sick. 

Joel called your name from behind but you shook your head, almost running, but not getting far when you felt his hand wrap around your wrist, making you stop. 

„Joel, please…“ you whispered, your eyes closed, taking deep breaths. 

„We have to talk. I…“

But you didn’t hear what he said next because the next hing you knew was you vomiting all over his shoes. 

And then… nothing.

Your head was pounding when you came back to. You could hear voices as if they talked through cotton. 

Groaning you brought your hand up, rubbing it over your temple. 

Fuck. 

You vomited all over Joel and then you….

You passed out?

One hand came to rest over your stomach, your eyes blinking open in panic. 

Were you okay? Was your baby okay? What the fuck happened?

„Hey honey. Slow down. Joel said you passed out?“ You felt your mother take your hand. You were laying on the couch, wondering how you got there. 

A million thoughts went through your head, but on the forefront was your worry about your baby. The baby no one knew about.

You were close to hyperventilating when you felt a hand on your back, soothingly rubbing up and down your spine, guiding you to take deep breaths, his voice soothing you almost instantly. 

Your mother was still holding your hand, looking worriedly at you when you turned your head to look at Joel. He was so close you could smell him.

Tears sprang into your eyes as you looked away from him to your mom. 

„I need to see a doctor,“ you whispered and your mother softly squeezed your hand, Joel’s hand on your back stopping. 

„Are you in pain?“ She asked alarmed. You shook your head. 

„No. But…“ you gulped, looking quickly to Joel before you looked back at your mother. 

„I need to check if the baby is okay,“ you began to cry, your eyes closing, missing the reaction of the people kneeling next to you. 

„Baby?“ Your mother asked. You sucked your bottom lip in, nodding slowly before your eyes opened. 

You saw the tears in your mothers eyes, surprise clearly in her face before she leaned in and hugged you softly, kissing your cheek, your eyes meeting Joel’s whose eyes were fixed on you, his jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to figure something out. 

He wasn’t stupid. 

You told him that first night that it had been years since you had been with someone before him. You had no reason to lie to him, not that he knew that. 

His eyes widened when you kept looking at him, clearly having made the math. 

Your mother looked at you with a warm smile. 

„You have to tell me everything. But lets get you to see a doctor first.“

Faith really must have a field day today with you. 

Joel drove you and your mother to the next hospital, your brother having to leave to pick up his boyfriend from work. He made you promise to call once you knew everything was okay. He would be waiting for you at his place. 

And now you were in the maternity wing, waiting for the doctor to come and make an ultrasound to check if everything was okay. 

With Joel waiting with you in the room, as far away from you as he could be without leaving. 

Your mother was trying to get in touch with your doctor back in Seattle, leaving Joel with you to wait. 

Joel hadn’t said a single word to you since you left his house. You felt his eyes on you but you were stubbornly looking everywhere but at him. 

This was not how you planned this. 

Then again, you had never planned this situation, had you?

You thought you would never see Joel again. You were starting to make your peace with that fact. Not only having gotten pregnant by a man whose last name you didn’t even know, no but falling in love with the same man. 

How could you have predicted that you would meet him again like that?

If you allowed yourself to dream about running into him again, it was definitely not while meeting him as your moms new boyfriend. 

The door opened and you looked up, your eyes meeting Joels for a second before you saw an older woman walk in, a warm smile on her face. 

„I read that you passed out today?“ She asked after she introduced herself. 

„Yeah,“ you nodded. 

She sat down on the chair next to the table you were laying on, looking through the file your mother had filled out for your while you had waited. 

„Anything in particular happened before you passed out?“ She asked and your eyes briefly met Joels before you looked at her. 

„Might be a combination of stress and the weather? I am not used to the heat anymore,“ you have her a shy smile. 

She nodded at you, setting the file down. 

„I can see that your blood pressure is a little high, but that’s not too bad yet. Let’s check on the baby, shall we?“ She asked and you nodded. 

Your pulled your shirt up and she warned you softly that this would be a little cold as she put the gel onto your stomach. You winced a little and she winked at you before she reached for the wand. 

„Is this dad?“ She asked you before she looked at Joel. 

You looked at him for the first time then. Really looked at him. His whole body was tensed, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his gaze on you, but it felt like he was looking through you. 

Though his eyes did find yours when he heard the question, probably wondering what you would say. 

And even if you would want to tell the truth, you had to talk to him first. 

So you shook your head before you looked at the doctor again. 

„Just a friend of my mom. She should be here any minute,“ you said and the doctor nodded. 

It took a little while before the heartbeat of your child filled the room. You looked at the monitor, smiling relieved as you saw the little blob, your baby, on the screen. 

„It looks like everything is just fine,“ the Doctor said and you shakily breathed out. She smiled softly at you, clicking some buttons on the machine and you just kept looking at your baby, oblivious to Joel having made his way over to you to take a closer look. 

„You’re at 17 weeks and the little bean looks as healthy as it can be. I want you to take it a little easier. Make sure to take some breaks and if you’re not used to the heat, maybe stay indoors. Where is home?“ She asked

„Seattle,“ you said and she sighed. 

„Too much rain for me. But I can understand why this all was a little much for you here. To be on the safe side, see your Doctor once you get back for a check up,“ she said. You nodded. Her head tilted up and you followed her gaze, surprised to find Joel standing next to you, his eyes fixed on the screen with an unreadable expression. 

„Do you want me to print out a copy for your mom?“ The doctor asked. You nodded, your eyes still fixed on Joel. 

„Can I get three copies maybe? My mom, me and…“ you gulped, „for the father?“ You looked away from Joel as his head turned to look at you. 

The doctor smiled at you. 

„Of course.“

And while she worked, the heartbeat of your baby still filling the empty room you allowed yourself to look at Joel who had tears in his eyes as he looked at you.

Your mother hadn’t stopped asking questions on the whole way back from the hospital. 

„Why didn’t you tell me?“

„I would have eventually.“

„Do you have a boyfriend?“

„No.“

„Who is the father?“

„He’s not in the picture.“

„Why?“

„Because.“

You could feel Joel’s eyes on you the whole way back to your brother, your head stubbornly turned towards the window, watching the Austin Landscape fly by. 

„Are you happy?“ Your mother asked as the truck parked in front of your brothers house. 

It was a good question. Were you happy?

The situation was a mess. It was… straight out of a soap opera but much more complicated. 

But apart from that? You becoming a mom?

„Yeah. I am happy,“ you answered. 

„Then I am happy for you. Gosh, I’m gonna be a Grandma!“ She smiled and you chuckled. 

„Yeah. You are.“

„Are you gonna move back here?“ She asked. You shook your head. 

„I don’t think so. I like Seattle. I have all my friends there and my job,“ you looked at her. She had turned in her seat so she could look at you. 

„I understand. And I don’t want to talk you into something, I know you have a great support system in Seattle. But… you have one here too. Sean would never say it, but he misses you deeply. And you know I would love to see you more,“ she reached over to squeeze your arms softly. 

„Mom…“ you sighed.

„I know. I just wanted to say it,“ you looked away from her, looking at Joel for a moment who hadn’t said anything since leaving the hospital. 

„I’ll get out of your hair. Sorry for all this mess today,“ you said.

„It’s perfectly fine. I’ll walk you to the door,“ your mother said, already getting out of the car, throwing the door closed behind her. You took a deep breath, still looking at Joel as you reached for the third copy of the sonogram, having written your phone number on the back of it. 

Without saying a word, you put it face down on the armrest at the front seat before you got out of the car and walked to your brothers house. 

You did not really expect Joel to call you, but you were still left disappointed. 

Not that you could not understand him. 

He was probably as overwhelmed with the whole situation as you were. But you wanted to talk to him. You had to talk to him. You had a long talk with your brother when you got to his place. You had told him about meeting this man while you were stranded at the airport and how you spend three days with him in your bed. You told him that the rule was to just live in the moment and enjoy the time you had together, but that it left you heartbroken when he just disappeared in the middle of the night, nowhere to be found. 

You also told him that somehow even though you had an IUD and he used condoms every single time but that one time in the shower, that the man had still managed to get you pregnant. 

Sean held you while you talked. His boyfriend John sitting across from you. 

„Sounds to me like you fell for him,“ John said and you groaned. 

„I know. So fucking stupid. How can you fall in love with a man you know nothing about?“ You whined.

„Well you may not know much about him. But you clearly clicked on some way. If he had been looking for a quick fuck, he would have left after the first time you had sex. But he came back to you. Probably until he had to leave himself. And you said he was older. Maybe he didn’t see a future,“ John said. 

„Or maybe he was married,“ your brother grunted and you punched him lightly in the stomach.

„What? You don’t know for certain if he was,“ he argued.

You sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. 

„You have no way of contacting the guy?“ Sean asked softly. 

You could lie. But you wanted to tell someone, and you knew your brother would keep your secret if you asked him. 

So you told him. 

„I do now,“ you whispered.

„What do you mean?“ He asked. 

„You gonna hate me,“ you closed your eyes, hiding against his chest. 

„I can’t hate you. You’re my favourite little sister,“ he teased and you laughed quietly. 

„I am your only sister,“ you reminded him and he shrugged. 

You sucked your bottom lip in, nibbling on it. 

„It was Joel,“ you whispered, feeling your brother tense next to you. 

„I met him almost five months ago in Phoenix. It was before he even met mom,“ you sobbed quietly. His arms tightened around you and you felt him release a long breath. 

„Well fuck. That’s….“ He began.

„A fucking mess?“ you helped.

„You could say that.“

A moment of quiet passed before John said. 

„Did he say anything?“ John asked and you turned your head, resting your cheek on your brothers chest as you opened your eyes to look at his boyfriend.

„Didn’t really get the chance to talk. First I vomited all over him and then mom was always there. I…. Did sneak him my number. So… I hope he calls,“ you said.

„I can talk to him,“ your brother offered but you shook your head. 

„If he doesn’t contact me, his message will be clear. And I have to move on somehow…“

„Do you think you can? Even if you stay in Seattle. Imagine him and mom stay together or get married. He’ll be around all the time. You would see him every time you come and visit.“

„I don’t know,“ you whispered. 

Sean sighed. 

„We gonna figure this out. But not today. It’s been a long day for you. Let’s get you to bed.“

Your mother came over for breakfast the next day, insisting to spend more time with you before you would leave. 

She made excuses for Joel who had to go to work on a construction site. You didn’t really care. 

You hadn’t slept the whole night, you just wanted to go home. 

To erase the last twenty four hours and live in blissful denial. 

It was afternoon when she left, promising to come and see you the next morning before your brother dropped you off at the airport. 

And she did. With a gift basket for mothers to be, bringing tears to your eyes. 

She made you promise to call more, hugging you goodbye when Sean said it was time to get you to the airport. 

You left Austin on a 11am flight. 

And Joel did not call.

[fabuloustrash05]

Why I Love 2012 Raphael

A TMNT 2012 Character Appreciation/Character Analysis Post

If you know me or follow me here or on Instagram then you know that my favorite Ninja Turtle is Raphael. More specifically, Raphael from the TMNT 2012 series. Nowadays, this version of Raph gets a lot of unfair hate from fans (new and old), which I find to be ridiculous. So I decided to show this turtle in red some love and express my reasons as to why I love 2012 Raphael. 

To start, I wanna give some love and appreciation to Raphael’s voice actor, Sean Astin. His voice was perfect for the role. I feel so many other Raphael voices try too hard to make him sound manly and more of a giant muscular brute, often forgetting that he is just a teenage boy. Sean does a good job making Raph sound tough when needed, but still making him sound like he is a teenager. He does a great job balancing Raph’s rude attitude but also his gentle and sweet side as well. Also he nailed those girlish screams! XD I feel voice actors nowadays don’t get a lot of recognition, so I wanted to show my appreciation here.

The biggest thing I love about Raphael is his development in the show. I’d argue he had the most/best character development among the four Turtles. We all know how he is in the beginning of the series, being rude, hotheaded, constantly picking fights with Leo and other characters. The show makes it obvious that Raph in S1-2 is scared of his own emotions and feelings, the only time he truly opens up and expresses himself is when he talks to his pet turtle, Spike. The best way I can describe Raph’s character is that he is the “tough guy with a heart of gold” trope. I believe one of the show’s producers, Ciro Neili, even confirmed that was their intention when creating Raph’s character for the show. Raph is a brute, a hothead, but deep down he's a big softie. A lot of Raphael haters seem to forget or ignore that fact about his character. Yes, he is mostly known throughout the fandom to be the hothead, he is the muscle of the group, but he is also the protector. Raph knows that, so if he comes off as weak, then he loses that title. Deep down Raph, and the people around him, know that he is a big softy who loves and cares for others, but he keeps up this tough guy persona in order to protect and seem strong for the ones he loves most. 

As the series goes on Raph learns to open up to others, he grows to respect Leo as a leader and seems to control his temper way more by Season 5. On rewatch I notice in S4-5, Raph only ever gets mad for valid/understandable reasons, mainly when someone is hurting/threatening his loved ones. How did this happen? I believe Raph’s development started when he lost Spike in season 2.

Slash and Destroy is one of my favorite Raphael focused episodes and I will stand by and say that this episode was the beginning of Raph’s character development. In the episode, Raph’s pet Spike gets mutated and becomes Slash, targeting and attacking Raph’s brothers. As a reminder, up to this episode, the only person Raph could express his true feelings to was Spike. Everytime Raph ranted negatively about his brothers, Spike was there to hear it, causing him to have a negative view on Leo, Donnie and Mikey. Slash shows pure hatred for the brothers, especially Leo. After brutally attacking Leo, Slash smiles and says “Been looking forward to that for a long time.” The mutagen warped Slash’s brain, making him go crazy and viciously attack Raph’s brothers because like Raph said earlier in the episode, he doesn’t need them. Raph gets a visual representation of his words and negative thoughts towards his brothers in action through Slash. Slash’s purpose in this episode is to represent all of Raph’s anger and frustration he’s had for his brothers over the years based on what he told Spike. By the end of the episode, Splinter comforts Raph and suggests that he should “focus on the friends he has in the present''. For all of Raph’s life, he trusted and relied only on Spike, but Spike is now gone, so Splinter indirectly advises his son that it is time to trust and rely on others, to not bottle up his emotions, advice that Raph takes.

As the show goes on, Raph slowly progresses, opening up more to others, which will eventually lead to him having two great things in his life come season 4 (but we’ll talk about them later).

Casey was another part of Raph’s development that some fans don’t notice. Donnie makes a comment that Casey being around is like having two Raphaels. While Raph and Casey become best friends because of their similar personalities, Casey is also a reflection of Raph. When around Casey, Raph has to be the level headed one, the responsible one. He criticizes Casey for not being stealthy like a ninja in the S2 episode Newtralized and not planning ahead in the fight (remind you of anyone? *cough* Leo *cough*). When they first meet, Raph gives Casey the same exact advice his father gave him earlier in the episode that “anger is a dangerous alley”. Casey is a more reckless version of Raph, something Raph unknowingly sees and tries to help and protect, he has to be the mature one in their dynamic, opposite to when he’s teamed up with Leo and gets to be the rebel again. It’s like he’s getting a taste of his own medicine.

Not to mention, Raph met Casey after he lost Spike, having a new friend he can rely on. Later on in the episode Newtralized, after meeting Slash, Casey says, “Is that your old pet turtle? The one who got mutated?”. This little piece of dialogue is so important to Raph’s character but it sadly goes over a lot of people’s heads. It indirectly tells us that off screen, Raph has opened up to Casey and told him about a traumatic and hard time in his life. Progress that we will continue to see as the show goes on.

Season 3 Raph at the Farmhouse was the peak of his character development! Raphael took charge in that arc. He became the temporary leader of the group when Leo was out of commission due to his injury. After losing their father (reminder they thought Splinter was dead by this point), being chased out of their home and the city, and losing to one of their greatest enemies, Raph stepped up. He took care of everyone. He made sure that Donnie, Mikey and even April kept up with their ninja training, he was the one who is always prepared during an attack or new threat (ex: when he and the others were trapped in the geyser in the episode Eyes of The Chimera and he was the only one with a grappling hook to help them get out, criticizing his brothers for not being true ninjas and how they should be prepared for anything). April even states that for months, Raph stayed by Leo’s side when he was in his coma, refusing to eat or sleep, and when Leo did wake up, Raph was the first to help him get back on his feet, taking him out on walks to help get his strength back. 

Raph not only was there for Leo, but he was there for Donnie. After Donnie gets heartbroken when April rejects his music box gift in the episode A Foot Too Big, Mikey is sympathetic, but Raph hits Donnie with a much needed reality check. He tells him bluntly “It's never gonna happen, Donnie. We're mutants. She's a girl. You're a giant talking turtle. The sooner you get used to it, the better.” Even with that though, Raph acknowledges his brother’s broken heart and quickly tries to cheer Donnie up and get his mind off April with some training. Then later in the episode, when Donnie expresses how uncomfortable he is with Big Foot’s romantic gestures, Raph once again nails it perfectly by telling him, “Now you know how April feels.” Some may say what Raph said was mean and how he should’ve put him down more gently, but in truth this was something Donnie needed to hear and no one else was gonna do it any time soon! Someone had to open his eyes to the situation, and Raph was the perfect candidate. 

The final brother dynamic in the farmhouse arc with Mikey and Raph was little when it came to screen time, but Raph still shows how much he loves his little brother after Mikey gets captured by the Punk Frogs in the episode The Croaking. As soon as he sees Mikey, Raph drops everything mid fight to hug his brother, relieved for his safety, though the hug abruptly ends after Raph and Mikey find the situation to be “weird”, a very brotherly response if you ask me XD 

With this, we know full well how much Raph loves his brothers. Despite his “lone wolf” attitude in season 1, Raph makes it clear from the very beginning that he does care about his brothers more than anything else in the world. He's loyal, he stays by his brothers' side and has admitted countless times that he would rather die than see them get hurt. "I have no problem risking my own life, but risking my brothers?" (S1 ep14) and he states this again in the next season, “Sorry, Slash. My brothers come first, no matter what.” (S2 ep7). Raph makes it clear (to the audience) that his brothers and his family always come first (so I don’t know why fans keep saying he hates them).

Also, anyone that says that he abuses and is a bully to Mikey needs to go touch some grass because that is a big fat lie and you obviously didn't watch the show (or you're an only child). Brothers are going to fight and pick on each other. That is normal! As someone with an older brother (who is much like Raph btw), I can confirm that siblings to this and in the end we still love each other and have each other’s backs. Out of all the brothers Raph is the most protective of Mikey. The second he learns that Mikey is hurt or someone wants to harm him he is the first going in for the attack or the first one to take action to protect Mikey and bring him to safety.

I mentioned this earlier, but I love how Raph grows/learns to respect Leo as a leader, though he still questions his brother’s judgment from time to time. By season 5, in the episode The Forgotten Swordsman, Raph and Mikey are out on patrol and start talking about Leo. Mikey expresses concern for Leo to which Raph says “He just misses Master Splinter. Being sensei's hard on him. I just wish we knew-”. Raph gets cut off, so we never know what he was going to say, but I headcanon he was going to say “I just wish we knew how to help him.” Raph acknowledges Leo’s growing stress and pressure of being the new sensei after Splinter’s death and he wants to help out anyway he can, but he (and everyone else) just don’t know how. He looks up to and respects Leo and cares about him a lot more than fans and even he himself believe.

Though we see very little moments of them, my overall favorite brother dynamic is Raph with Donnie. I like how Raph is the only brother who is direct and tries to help Donnie move on from his crush on April because he worries and cares for Donnie and knows he’s sensitive when it comes to his feelings. Even when Raph shows disapproval of Donnie’s crush on April, Raph will still be a wingman for Donnie. In the episode Operation: Break Out, after rescuing April’s dad from the Kraang prison, Raph starts hyping Donnie up in front of April to make him look good. Also Donnie refers to him and Raph as “The New A Team” in the episode Arena of Carnage (Mikey does too at one point in another episode, but later he calls him and Raph “Team Awesome”). I just think Donnie and Raph are a fun team and a very underrated sibling duo of “brains and brawn” in the series. It deserves more love and attention from fans.

I’ve talked about how much Raph cares for and is loyal to his brothers, but he is the same towards his friends too. He's protective of April, being the one to go rescue her from the Kraang in the episode The Kraang Conspiracy. He’s even the one who’s words get to April when she was possessed by the alien Za-Naron in the episode The Power Inside Her, reminding April about how much she cares for Donnie which gives her the strength she needed to free herself from Za-Naron’s control. Raph shows he cares for Casey's safety when they do dangerous missions that are out of Casey’s element and was the one who made sure Casey was safe when he was cursed by Alopex’s blade in season 4, and despite their past, Raph is always worried and shows concern for Slash.

Raph shows throughout season 2 that he has faith in Slash to turn to the side of good (something Raph gets proven right about later on). Raph is even one of the first people to trust Slash when he returns with his new team The Mighty Mutanimals in season 3, despite Leo's harsh judgements and suspicion.

The strange thing is, it is usually the other way around, with Leo wanting to make allies and Raph being the distrusting one, a dynamic switch we will see again in season 4…

I can’t make a 2012 Raphael appreciation post/character analysis without talking about the queen herself, Mona Lisa! As mentioned previously, Raph is a softie, and one of the biggest examples of that is when it comes to his relationship with his love interest, later girlfriend, Y’gythgba aka Mona Lisa. When trying to survive on the ice planet, Raph is the only one to suggest that he and the others should team up with the Salamandrians to find the metal they need to fix their ships and get off the planet. Though Raph’s plan is highly motivated by his newfound feelings for Mona, he knows that it is the best option that can help save his family and friends, and despite Leo dismissing the idea, Raph sneaks off alone to convince the Salamandrians himself. 

Raph’s feelings for Mona Lisa have always interested me, specifically how he fell for her. Unlike his brothers with their love interests being the cliche “love at first sight”, Raph’s was “love at first fight”. We all know how Raph fell for Mona, they fought each other after a misunderstanding and after one good punch to the face Raph was smitten. He quickly began admiring her strength, acknowledging what a power punch she gave him, and amazed by her skills and spirit as a warrior. Raph admits right from the start that he loves Mona because she's “bigger, stronger and a better fighter than” him. He never once feels that his masculinity is being threatened when around her, and throughout their relationship never told her to not be herself. He loves that she's better than him as a warrior and can beat his shell! He shows excitement at the suggestion of him and her sparring together someday in the episode The War for Dimension X. He adores her, and never cares about others' judgment regarding his relationship with her. When Casey laughs at him after discovering his crush on her, instead of denying his feelings or getting angry at Casey and later the others for mocking him (something we would expect Raph to do), Raph instead continues expressing his romantic interest in her to everyone. He opened up about his feelings to others! If S1 Raph met and fell in love with Mona, I’m convinced he would’ve been a tsundere and just be in denial about it the entire time, not wanting to look soft because he has a crush. Raph met Mona at the perfect time in his life. He has emotionally mature. In truth, I think Mona made Raph a better man and was the key to help him continue his character growth throughout the rest of the series.

A good example of how much Raph has changed and matured is when Mona betrayed him in the episode The Evil of Dregg. Discovering that his first love, the one person he trusted “more than anyone in the galaxy” betrayed him, broke Raph’s heart and his fighting spirit. When Mona pleads for forgiveness, you can understand Raph’s anger and now he’s not quick to forgive her, but even when he’s mad at her he still loves her. Look at Raph right before Mona goes off into battle:

If he was truly mad at her, he wouldn’t be looking back, his back would be fully turned, refusing to have his eyes meet with her’s. He looks back at her but he’s not looking at her with anger or hatred, it’s sorrow. Raph still cares, he’s just hurt at the moment. Because of the betrayal, Raph believes that everything he and Mona have been through meant nothing to her, but then Mona assures him that his doubts are wrong when she tells him that she loves him for the first time, and that’s all Raph needed to hear to bring back his fighting spirit and run into battle to join her. Raph even snaps and tries to kill Lord Dregg after he harmed Mona and shows just how far he’ll go for her if someone ever tries to harm her (he does it again in S5 when Bishop insults Mona, he quickly jumps in to defend “his woman”). By the end of the episode, Raph and Mona reconcile. Him forgiving her shows how much Raph has grown as a character. S1 Raph would never have forgiven her, he would’ve held the grudge and not let go of it, but this Raph knows what Mona did was out of her control, she was blackmailed, so Raph did the mature thing, understood her situation, and forgave her. Him forgiving her shows how strong their love for each other is, and they keep on showing how much they love one another throughout the rest of the series. 

Some other little details about Raph’s character that I like is that he's an animal guy. With his first pet Spike and the rooftop pigeons, we see a side of him that everyone else rarely gets to see. This minor trait about his character speaks a thousand words. It shows that he is gentle and caring at heart despite his tough persona he gives out to everyone else. We see this not only with Spike in seasons 1-2, but also later in seasons 4-5 with his new pet, Chompy Picasso.

By the time Chompy enters Raph’s life, he has matured. The purpose for Spike was for Raph to have someone to talk to about his feelings and express himself without judgment. Spike was like a therapy dog. Chompy however is not that. Raph has learned to open up by this point in the story, so he doesn’t need Chompy to talk about his personal problems and frustration as much as he had with Spike. Yes, Chompy is there to listen to Raph but at this point in the story Raph is open and expressive and not afraid to show his feelings to others. Raph has probably mention things to Chompy he still wouldn’t say to others (like in The Tale of Tiger Claw, he talks about Mona Lisa to Chompy, seeming that this isn’t the first time he’s done this), but Chompy isn’t a pet for Raph to vent to, instead he was a way for Raph to learn a new responsibility. Chompy is just a baby who just needs someone to love him, to look after and care for him, and Raph is that someone. He took a big responsibility to take care of Chompy after it was believed that his mother, Tokka, was killed. Raph doesn’t need another therapy dog, no, Chompy needs a caregiver, and when Tokka returns to take back her baby, she sees how much Chompy loves Raph and decides that it is better for him to stay on Earth with Raph where she knows he will be safe. I will always stand by this: Raph needed Spike, Chompy needed Raph.

This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think Raphael is more similar and a parallel to Splinter than Leonardo is. Leo may be Splinter’s “best pupil” and next in line to be sensei for the Hamato Clan, but Splinter and Raph have a lot more in common than the show’s canon or even the fandom acknowledge and it hurts to think of the wasted potential. Raph obviously inherited Splinter's temper. We see in flashbacks that when Splinter was a young man he had an uncontrollable temper that Shredder could easily manipulate, and we still sometimes see that temper blow up in the show when Splinter is upset and disciplining his sons. There’s more similarities though than just them both being hotheaded. They both have a love and appreciation for art. Splinter mentions in Lone Rat and Cubs that he always wanted to be an artist, and it’s well known he loves the renaissance artists. Raph being an artist is a cute and fun little detail about his character that I really like and you see many times in the show, but fans barely acknowledge. He’s the one who painted the Venus pin up girl on the Party Wagon, he gives his girlfriend the nickname “Mona Lisa” (which he indirectly tells her that every time he calls her Mona Lisa he is reminding her that she is a beautiful work of art), and names his pet "Chompy Picasso" after the artist Pablo Picasso. Not to mention that both men know the pain and fear of the woman you love dying in your arms. I love Raph’s relationship with Splinter in the show, and it’s honestly way more interesting than Leo and Splinter’s.

I love their little “Spike, chew on your leaf…” bit in season 1 and how they bond over the Japanese mantra to help Raph overcome his fear of insects in season 4 (btw Raph being scared of bugs was so fun, I like the trope of the big strong dude being scared of something so small and harmless). The episode ends on a fun note, Splinter tells Raph to not tell the others of the mantra cause he “might use that trick on them one day”, showing that Splinter has a devious fun side to him similar to Raph’s.

Is 2012 Raphael perfect? Not at all. No character is. He still has flaws, but I feel that’s what makes him such a fun character still. I feel he had the best and most character development in the series. I love his voice actor, I love his character development, I love his relationship with his brothers, friends and girlfriend, I love all the little character details about him from his love of animals to his passion in art. It’s just my personal opinion, but I think 2012 Raph is the best version of Raphael. He has faced injustice in this day and age with fans misrepresenting his character and hating him for the wrong reasons. You don’t have to like him, everyone has their own opinions on certain characters and I respect that, but there’s a time when not liking him goes too far with saying he’s a bully and abuses his family. The haters can go argue with a wall, 2012 Raphael is the best and I love him, and I hope this post made you appreciate him a little bit more too <3

[nthspecialll]

I think something that really shows how far gone Dutch is in chapter six is how he handles his gang members being gone.

In chapter two when we learn Sean is with bounty hunters, he says "if he is alive then we got to try" and in chapter six he leaves both John and Abigail to rot after being captured.

And while yes it was dangerous to get John out of jail, it was also damn dangerous to get Sean from the bounty hunters. Dutch sent three/four of his best men to an area where law and bounty hunters were all over and actively looking for them to rescue one of his men, he did it because he saw Sean worth it and because he trusted his men to handle it.

When Abigail was arrested the risk was lower, you had a bunch of Pinkertons but nothing that they couldn't handle, yet Dutch left Abigail because "she is just bait without John." And John? Yes it was highly dangerous but there was an actual plan, Sadie and Arthur had an actual fairly well-researched plan that turned out to work and yet Dutch left him.

It is just something small that nags at me.

[cinematic-phosphenes]

HoTD S2x01: A Son for a Son (I have thoughts and I'm keeping them here)

The Stark theme and Cregan doing his best Sean Bean accent have me nostalgic.

If getting conscripted to the Wall is an honour, then why does budget Jon Snow look unhappy about it?

No Sara Snow, okay. I’ll live with it. No Jace/Cregan (b)romance, not okay. Tumblr made me want it, only to be so denied by the showrunners.

Not more Targ colonialism erasure. "We colonised an entire continent to save the world, no really. And look, even the noble Starks agree with it!" is such a shit take, even if it's canon. I like the Targ characters, but let's not erase the original Aegon's colonial crimes.

Jace looks so pretty! Major glow up.

Dragonstone has a dragon hangar! Yay for worldbuilding!

Daemon calling Vhagar a hoary old bitch reminds me of this absolutely amazing Vhagar POV fanfic I read. (Soon the god's hoar by eldritcher on AO3) (The fic is spoiler-y for the rest of the Dance, jsyk.)

Yes, Rhaenys! Put Daemon in his place! Also, her dragon riding outfit!!!

Alyn, I see you doing an Egg by shaving your head.

Why in the hell does no one take Helaena’s visions seriously?! She’s right every time. (Can I blame ‘I had a dragon dream once’ Viserys for this? Because I want to blame Viserys for this. Look at the mess you left your kids in, Viserys! I hope Balerion bites your ass in the afterlife.)

And here we see the 'Our lives are in danger, so let's fuck about it' trope in action. I’ve heard a lot of Alicole hot takes. “Criston Cole is ‘unmanly’ for going down on a woman” is the absolute hottest of hot takes I’ve had the misfortune of encountering.

Otto giving Alicent and Criston Cole that look as they walk in. He knows what they’ve been doing.

Aegon grinning at his son like a fool. Aegon giving Jaehaerys attention and wanting him to learn how to rule even though he’s only six. Aegon trying to do better than deadbeat Viserys did. Aegon talking about pony rides in a way that suggests Jaehaerys often gets pony rides, possibly from Aegon himself. If you told me last season Aegon would somehow turn out to be the best father on this series ….. (Yes, I know that when it comes to being a dad the bar is in hell’s basement here. Yes, I know the way Aegon treats his illegitimate kids is horrific. I think there’s definitely been some retconning here and S2 Aegon is not the same character as S1 Aegon. They should have portrayed him this way from the start.)

Alicent wrote Rhaenyra letters to apologize for Luke's death and she's expecting a response?! Girl ....

My kingdom for a scene of the Greens finding out that Aemond killed Luke. My kingdom for a scene of Aemond deciding to just fully commit to the villain persona and lie to say he killed Luke intentionally. Such a missed opportunity.

Larys being an intimidating creep to Alicent again. He should go fall down some stairs.

Alicent scrubbing her skin raw. She is not okay. (I want to see Alicent cracking. Let Olivia Cooke act!)

Rhaenyra’s grief over Luke is heartbreaking. Emma D’Arcy is acting their heart out. And Syrax crying too, nooo.

Aegon walking in sync with his fratboy squad. You know they practised that entrance during one of their nightly seshes in the throne room.

Are they going to show the throne cutting Aegon?

“On further thought, I have decided ….” Aegon is hilarious.

It’s Hammer time!

Larys already angling for the Hand’s position. I know this guy is ambitious, but damn.

Just Alicent looking ethereal reading letters.

Mysaria’s accent has been toned down! (Why was Mysaria fleeing King’s Landing though? Maybe I’m missing something but I don’t get it?)

“We swore an oath to protect the whole of the royal family. So what were we to do when they turned against one another?” Jaime Lannister echoes.

"I want Aemond Targaryen." Chills. Rhaenyra only says four words all episode and it's these four words.

Jace trying to keep it together and be professional to give his report. Jace looking so much younger and more vulnerable when he’s back with his mother. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Scenes with Rhaenyra at Luke’s funeral interspersed with scenes of Alicent paying tribute to the dead, including Luke. My heart. That empty space next to Alicent in the sept where Rhaenyra used to pray. They are an absence in each other’s lives.

Rhaena crying for her betrothed, nooo.

Why didn’t they have a dragon light Luke’s funeral pyre?

The return of the Daemon crime hoodie, now upgraded to a war crime hoodie.

Making it unclear if Daemon told B & C to go after another son if they can’t find Aemond or if B & C just went rogue – that’s a cop out by the writers. Unless it comes up again. EDIT: Daemon said 'a son for a son.' He was giving them carte blanche to go after another son if Aemond is MIA.

Daemon reluctantly admitting Aemond is a good fighter. I love to see it.

Why do I get the sense that Aemond also knows about Alicole?

“Rhaenyra is a cunning spider. Long ago she pulled Alicent into her web. Intoxicated her. It is not your mother’s fault.” “Her Grace speaks with two tongues. Alicent holds love for our enemy.” So they’re both obsessed and very much not over Rhaenyra. Do Alicent and Cole both think of Rhaenyra while being unholy together because it kinda seems like it?

Ewan Mitchell as Aemond is so mesmerizing. That man has presence.

Why the fuck has no one tried to map the secret tunnels into the Red Keep and close off the ones that allow randoms to sneak in/royal minors to sneak out?

The entire Kingsguard is in the throne room guarding Aegon? And they don’t stop the ‘rat catchers’ working at night? Even if the rat catchers were supposed to be there, I feel like it would still be protocol to stop and question them. Have none of these writers been pulled over by the cops for no reason/even slightly suspicious behaviour?

I think the build up to B & C should’ve focused on Helaena and her kids instead of B & C creeping around, arguing for no reason and committing gratuitous animal abuse. (That dog kicking scene looked so real, I watched the end credits for a disclaimer that no animals were harmed in the making of.) They could’ve shown Helaena getting the kids ready for bed, reading them a story, etc. They established a connection between Aegon and Jaehaerys pre B & C but none between Helaena and the kids before it happened. Lost opportunity.

B & C was very different than I expected before I was spoiled. I guess I see what the writers were going for with Helaena’s response to B & C. She’s dissociated rather than hysterical. She’s been painted as a character who’s distanced from the world around her in general, so perhaps this is an in-character trauma response for her. Plus you could see the absolute terror in Phia’s eyes. Helaena was terrified and traumatized. She was just quiet about it.

As for her just pointing out Jaehaerys instead of trying to bargain or plead more for his life … I guess it’s because they’re characterizing her as very literalist, straightforward and honest to a fault as part of her ‘strangeness’? So she just took B & C at their word and didn’t try to change their minds because after the necklace offer failed, she assumed they couldn’t be swayed and would definitely kill her and both kids like they threatened to if she didn’t point out Jaehaerys to them. As for not pointing to Jaehaera – that wouldn’t accomplish anything. If they didn’t check that they really had the boy, one of her kids would still be dead. If they checked and discovered she’d lied, they might kill both kids. She was a mother who didn’t want either of her kids to die but perceived she couldn’t do anything to save both of them, so she felt she had no choice but to point out Jaehaerys. And then she grabbed Jaehaera and got her to safety when she saw the chance. At least she could save one of them.

As for Helaena saying they killed ‘the boy’ instead of saying his name Jaehaerys – I don’t see that as her being insensitive and uncaring about her kid. I think she was just repeating B & C’s exact word use in her dissociated state. She was on auto pilot at that point.

I do get what the writers were going for … but it’s not going to translate well to most of the audience I don’t think. I see many people interpreting it as Helaena not caring about Jaehaerys and not trying hard enough to save him. “Why didn’t she offer up her own life like any mother would?” If a large part of the audience misinterprets or misunderstands a scene or a character’s intentions or motivations, then that’s a failure on the part of the writers IMO. I’m not upset they didn’t make B & C more graphic or violent in the physical or psychological sense. (In the book, their twisted mind games were just as horrific and brutal and every bit as violent as the physical violence). But I do think that scene could have been better executed in a different way. And including Maelor probably would have worked better to illustrate the horrific, inescapable situation Helaena found herself in between a rock and a hard place.

Where the fuck are the guards? In the throne room with Aegon? Sent away by Cole to hide the fact that he’s in the queen dowager’s bed? The Greens never considered infiltration or a stealth attack? They really got complacent because they have Vhagar guarding the city.

Alicent and Cole doing it in Rhaenyra’s old room, in Rhaenyra’s bed!! Are they both imagining they’re with Rhaenyra too?! Because this is giving … high levels of dysfunction. They’re both haunted by Rhaenyra

The only thing I’ll say about Alicole is that they really should have shown them getting together for the first time. When, how and why did that happen? Who instigated it? How did they both feel about it? Again the writers don’t show the motivations they had in mind for the characters, resulting in the viewers drawing different conclusions than they’re ‘supposed to’ and it works against the story. The interviews I’ve watched seem to say it’s consensual on both their parts. (I know there’s a power imbalance that makes it problematic, but I don’t think the writers see it that way.) Again, showing the start of their first sexual encounter would have been better writing (IMO) because it could have been used to illustrate consent.

The last thing I’ll say about Alicole (okay, so I wanted to say two things) is that showing it after B & C that way by having Helaena walk in on them cheapens B & C. The true shock and horror here is that a child was murdered in front of his mother. Why add the cheap shock value of someone walking in on their parent in flagarante?

All in all, okay episode, kind of weird. Looking forward to see what they do with the rest of the material.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

My central thesis has always been that the Harkles wanted everything the Wales have and more. I know I remember reading that she cried after hearing William was made Prince of Wales. Right from the get go, her PR was all "Meghan is way better suited to be royal". Then there were all the Commonwealth flowers on her bridal veil and their insistence that they move into Windsor Castle. Now I don't believe everthing Neil Sean says, but his latest video mentions that Megxit was an ultimatum to get Windsor. As that is the traditional home of the Monarch, I feel as though they were attempting a coup.

Then there is the thought that Harry believes that the Dutchy of Cornwall should be split and he should eventually be made co-King or King of the Commonwealth. Let the Wales have that tiny island while they are jetted and feted around the world.

Here's my question for you. Did Meghan and Sparry REALLY believe they could leapfrog over the Wales??? I know her jealousy and envy of Catherine is bunny boiler level and he absolutely eviscerated his brother in Waagh. Has this been their plan all along?? Death by a thousand cuts for the Wales to force them to resign their place in the LOS or that they could somehow convince Charles to make Harry the heir??

I'd like to know where you think the delusions stem from. It wouldn't be the first time in history that younger brother has attempted to remove old brother from the throne.

Sincerely appreciate your blog and all the work you put into it. I'm always learning something new.

I'm pretty sure that was exactly their plan: they wanted to use their popularity to force The Queen to name them as her successors. I don't remember where I read this or when, but allegedly Harry sent "documentation" to someone - to whom specifically I can't recall, but options are The Queen, Charles, William, and/or grey suits - providing evidence for claims that he and Meghan were more popular than any of the others and deserved more than what they were getting.

And if they couldn't get the actual crown, they were going to do their damnedest to try and get a co-kingship with William. That's where Meghan's obsession with the Commonwealth came from; she had been told (again, I don't know by whom - all signs point to Harry exaggerating to keep her interested or maybe Charles spitballing ideas during his 'Magnificent Six' planning circa 2012) that William would rule Britannia and Harry would rule the Commonwealth.

I think that's why Meghan went all in on 'racist Kate.' Not only did she want to knock Kate out of the spotlight, she wanted to do enough damage that Commonwealth/realm nations would threaten to quit and The Queen would capitulate by offering to install Harry and Meghan as new leaders. This actually had a chance of working; it's been said quite often during her last years and since her passing that The Queen saw the Commonwealth as her greatest legacy and there was speculation that she would have done anything she could have to keep it in tact. And had Meghan played her cards right, she and Harry probably could have ended up becoming the main ambassadors of and for the Commonwealth, like a Commonwealth version of the UN Secretary-General.

But where the plan failed, obviously, was that it required blaming Kate for problems and issues that don't exist. Because remember, in 2021 when Meghan was making these claims, we'd just gone through the huge global reckoning that was Black Lives Matter and the agreement during/after BLM was "call racist people out on their BS. Put them on blast. Don't let them get away with it anymore." So not only would Meghan have been perfectly justified to name names, cite events, bring receipits, air the real dirty laundry and everyone would've been so much more supportive of it. But she didn't. Instead she played coy and said something like "I'm protecting them even though they don't deserve it."

Girl, please. That was Meghan's one chance to go justifiably scorched earth and air out all the dirty laundry and she fumbled hard.

Anyway. Let's get this train back on track. Where do the delusions come from? Traumatic childhoods courtesy of Mommies Dearest.

We all know Harry's story with Diana. She was a young, fun, free spirited loving mom larger than life with a neediness that she depended on her children to fill, rather than her own husband or other adults her age, so Harry grew to find satisfaction in supporting and providing her what she needed. He probably saw, and understood, the way Diana received what she wanted by exaggerating what she needed and following it up with excluding or isolating herself until whoever came chasing after her to give her what she wanted. And ultimately this led her (and Harry) down a path that ended up killing her; she exaggerated the relationship with Dodi to get attention from Hasnat or the BRF, then isolated herself in France to force whoever (Hasnat? Charles Wales? Charles Spencer?) to come chase after her. We know how that ends.

That's where Harry's delusions, IMO, come from. He saw how it well it worked (mostly) for Diana - exaggerate her needs/wants, then run and hide until she gets it - so he does it too. He probably started doing it right after she died, when no one knew what to do or how to handle him so they kept indulging in everything he wanted, so those wants kept manifesting bigger and bigger. And I think the way we see the BRF treating Harry is what would have happened to Diana had she lived; eventually the public would sour on her (this was already happening, by the way), which would then enable the BRF to grey rock her, devenomizing her in effect, and move on without Diana having too much of an influence on their day-to-day.

It's sort of similar for Meghan. We don't know specifically what happened (the way we do with Harry and Diana), but we know that Doria was a young, fun, free-spirited mother herself married to an older husband who had other priorities (eg kids from his first marriage). Unlike Diana, Doria probably didn't want the responsibilities of motherhood (which is the vibe Meghan and Thomas have given about Doria during Meghan's childhood) and left. And like the BRF, Thomas may have also overcompensated Doria's absence in Meghan's life by giving her everything she asked for, which made her asks get bigger and bigger and when Thomas couldn't deliver, she threatened to leave him...like Doria did and Thomas, erstwhile girldad he was, just kept throwing more and more at Meghan to keep her happy. Her delusions come from preying on other individuals' trauma to ensure she gets what she wants. The bigger her wants (ie the more grandiose her delusions), the harder she manipulates other people's trauma to make sure she gets what she wants. Which is kinda the opposite of Harry and Diana; they create the trauma to get people to do what they want, whereas Meghan exploits it to get people to do what she wants. Both are skills they learned after being abandoned (metaphorically and literally) by their mothers.

And all of Meghan's PR about "young mother," I think it's more insidious than that. Yes, it's a very overt evocation of Diana's narrative. Yes, it's a judgement against Kate. But it is also digs at Doria. "See? Motherhood is hard but I'm prioritizing my kid. How dare you to have left me" kind of spiteful digs meant to shame her for whatever happened that caused her to disappear. Meghan is the kind of person who must always have the last word, so I wouldn't be surprised if she's been targeting or belitting Doria about not knowing certain things about Archie/Lili because she wasn't around when Meghan was that age.

So...yeah.

I've realized now that this is the third or fourth Wednesday in a row that I write these super long analytical/in this essay I will posts. I guess Wednesdays are my thinking days...

[7omby]

LIS 2 HC

LIS 2 Brothers “How are they when they have a crush?”

With a GN!reader:

Sean (as a teen):

- Trying to be cool by doing random stuff but fail miserably that’s why Lyla coaches him (it’s worse)

- Try to get your attention so badly. He’ll over hear a conversation about you liking (for example)a specific flower, watch him the next day leaving that flower in your bag or on your table.

- if you two are in the same class he’ll always try to team up with you for group projects

- He’ll ask Lyla for information or anything to learn more about you

“So… did you see y/n today?”

“Yeah they’re literally in our class…wait…..OH MY GOD DUDE”

“ SHUT UP….and don’t tell anyone 🙄”

“I heard that they’re coming at ****’s party tomorrow night, you know the party you didn’t want to go and shit”

“I am going what are you talking about pff”

- If you two talk rarely, he’ll find dumb excuses to talk to you.

“Hey what is the exercise that we need to do for tomorrow?”

“Hey ! It’s ex3 from the book”

“How was your day ;)”

- He’s funny, always trying to have inside jokes with you.

- Sends random vids or pic saying “us?”.

- Will recommend you songs and talk about music in general with you. He finds it so entertaining to know the songs you like and share with him.

- He will eventually ask you to come with him to festivals.

- If you like animals, he will send you pics of birds, stray cats, lezards,…

Daniel (as a teen):

- Hides his interest in you, he’s like passive aggressive about it.

- Watches you from afar.

- he’s so sassy

- If you two talk , he’ll use sarcasm to give you little hints

- he’d be the sporty type and a nerd. He’ll probably be popular but he doesn’t care unless it’s you.

- If you two have to do a group project he’ll tell you that he will do everything because you’ll probably be a burden. The real reason is because he wants to impress you.

- If you two are friends, he’ll be “flirty” as a joke but god knows he can’t wait for you to realize it’s not jokes.

- Ask Chris about you: things you like, if you have a significant other,…

-Eventually become nervous around you but try to play it off

“Hey ! I had a question about-“

“I’m bad at math”

“It’s about History..??”

*walks away from you*

- Sean teases him about it

“How’s your little y/n huh?”

“Shut up you don’t know anything about them”

“Well I do know you have a HUGE crush on them tho”

*Red as a tomato*” whatever”

I’ll do a part2 of the Brothers as Adult this time. Commission or ideas are welcome!! :>

If I did make any language mistakes sorryyyy, English isn’t my first language 🤒

[blackcatwriter]

in the blink of a crinkling eye (Arthur Morgan x f!reader)

a/n: Here's a short lil blurb because I'm in my Arthur Morgan phase rn and still figuring out pt 2 of my other fic. Honestly, I tried my best to be historically accurate regarding the camera so if it's not that accurate I'm sorry 😭 ♥︎ thank you to my pookie for beta reading this one too! ♥︎ enjoy!

warnings: angst if you squint?, no use of Y/N, no physical descriptions of reader (correct me if I'm wrong), use of nicknames, pretty much fluff

wc: 900

summary: You manage to get Arthur to come with you for a photograph of the two of you.

credit to @plum98 for the divider!

You had been begging Arthur the last few weeks to get your photograph taken together. He always managed to dodge your request, claiming “Sorry sweets, Sean and I are robbing some homestead”, or “Dutch has been on my ass ‘bout bringing in more money”, much to your disappointment. 

However, today was different. You somehow steered him out of camp with the excuse of “needing his gun expertise”, although he doubted Ms. Grimshaw had put you up to such a task. 

Once you conned him into taking you to town, you led him away from the gunsmith to a building that looked like it had nothing to do with what you were supposed to be doing. You had successfully fooled the cowboy into your schemes and walked through the door before he could say anything. Feeling obligated to follow after you, he did so. You had already begun introducing yourself to the photographer by the time he caught up. 

“Darlin’, why the hell are you so goddamn insistent on gettin’ this done?” He grunted lowly as the photographer readied his camera.  

“You get to draw me whenever you want in that journal of yours. I ain’t even got a quarter of your talent to draw you and I... I want to be able to look at you when you’re away on them missions of yours.” You sheepishly admitted, feeling yourself flush under his intense gaze. 

Coming to understand your reasoning, he realized you were right, when you first caught him drawing you, you had been self-conscious but grew to appreciate it. He would always be observant to capture all the little details about you. Whenever he was away doing whatever the hell it was that Uncle or Micah managed to drag him into, he’d open his journal and look back at the portraits he made of you.  

He’d look fondly at the time he drew you by campfire. You had been singing along to the tune of Javier’s guitar with the rest of the gang. There was another drawing of you when you had been learning how to read. Most of the time you hardly noticed when you were the subject of his art, but when you did there was a twinkle of delight in your eyes Arthur would make sure to capture. 

Now here you had been wanting the same—a memento of him to keep you sane whenever he was gone and you’d have no idea if he had been killed or captured. Taking this in, Arthur felt an immense guilt weighing on his shoulders. Arthur Morgan had been a complete asshole to you. 

“M’sorry sweetheart, I didn’t know it meant that much to ya’. Should’ve taken ya’ the first time ya’ asked.” He looked down to your feet apologetically, too embarrassed to meet your eyes.  

Shaking your head with a smile, you took his hand in yours and squeezed. “S’alright. We’re here now.” You pecked his cheek and walked over to where the photographer had stationed his camera. 

Arthur stood frozen in his place. You’d always been understanding to him—far more than he deserved at times. He’d always wondered when you’d finally come to your senses and leave him in the dust. 

He watched you stand in front of the camera and gesture for him to come with you. You were busy brushing the stray strands of hair that were in your face and fixed the collar of your blouse to sit nicely. 

In his eyes, you were perfect as in. Your hair had been tousled around by the wind from riding horseback and your blouse had stains from playing in the mud with Jack back at camp. You certainly didn’t look “picturesque” as society would deem it, you were dressed much too informally but Arthur adored how you looked. You looked like the truest version of yourself, the you that he had grown to love since you first joined the gang. 

He’d only dreaded the day that you saw the ugly bastard in him that he saw whenever he looked in a mirror. There was nothing special about him nor was he the most handsome fella around. Sure, he was useful when it came to intimidating people into paying off their debts to the gang, but who was looking to love a bully?  

“Come on, Arthur. We’re waiting on you.” You smiled at him.  

Little did he know you had already seen him for what he is. He was a good man at heart who did bad things to protect the people he loved. He had a long past of doing bad things, but so did you and you accepted him—all of him. Shaking off his nerves, Arthur made his way to your side and offered his arm. 

You happily accepted, beaming up at him with that one-of-a-kind smile of yours. He mirrored the love that shone in your eyes, not wanting to look away from you even as the man counted down. 

“Ah, I see you lovebirds were not paying attention. Let us try one more time!” The man placed your photograph to the side and counted down once more. 

This time both of you looked at the camera. Unable to fight your contagious energy, he let a small grin slip on his face. After the flash, while you went to happily collect the picture from the cameraman, Arthur took the first photo and folded it inside the breast pocket of his jacket.  

[burnadicarwoz]

Did some thinking, and you know what would have been an awesome inclusion to red dead 2?

CAMP.

BRAWLS.

Kinda. I mean, you know those games you can play at camp? Cards, five finger fillet, robberys even. What if sometimes, a camp member challenged arthur to a fistfight (or they would call it sparring off maybe) and you got a chance to either actually learn the hand combat, or when ready, FIGHT the members of camp from time to time?

My mind went racing when I made this man. Just think about learning to block with Charles, or getting behind someone easily thanks to sparring with Sadie, or just giving bill something to do when he ain't drunk and complaining? As for who you'd fight, I feel it would be

John, Javier, Bill, Sadie, Charles, Lenny, Sean and kieran. Early on you could have Dutch join (maybe ch2 and 3 but maybe that's more me wanting then anything)

Rest of the camp would just admit they ain't planning on needing to fight and leaving it to them lot (jack would offer and would be given little boxing lessons by someone if you keep doing them because yes)

I can think good reasons for every damn member but I'll say why the rat ain't. He's a bitch. Moving on. (OK but he wouldn't since either one of them will actually kill him or none of them trust he won't stab them or smth) (but also because he's a bitch mainly)

Finally, on why this should exist. Imagine the camp interactions, the camp interactions!

-kieran being more willing to fight bill then Sadie and getting proved right as she wins every time against him

-Sean being overconfident every time and then never blocking any punches (dodges, never blocks) because of the constant talking/slander

-uncle calling the whole training thing pointless and when Bill trys to intimidate him he's unfazed and says "because men who train all day like you bill seem to forget that it won't stop a bullet from going tween those beady eyes of yours"

-Dutch in later chapters saying (in a Dutch way) that he's too important and busy to practice his fighting right now, arthur.

-Charles talks about how he fights for survival, John treats it like a hindrance and Arthur is all business about it.

And I mean, camp members beating each other up in camp interactions kinds exists already, so why not? Only reason I can think of is little jack shouldn't be seeing it if it gets too rough, which a) it wouldn't, and b) he'll be fine, don't worry bout it.

But yeah, rant over. Hope you like the idea and If you do, tell me what you would want in it. Thanks for reading :)

[aquaquadrant]

What would the au where tango never got experimented on and as a result never left hels look like

you said that tango would have found his way to timmy eventually and that’s really interesting if they would have been friends I wonder how close they would be

the bond like the one Jimmy and tango have was only possible because tango had spent at least a year in hermit craft learning to open up and jimmy was raised not in hels

even if tango wouldn’t have the experiment trauma he still would have trauma and Timmy well I’m pretty sure he would’ve been open to it

Can you share your headcanons on the hypothetical situation please

(i know i’ve been sitting on this ask for ages but i had to turn the idea over in my mind a few times, like really let it get in there, let it simmer, rearrange the furniture. so uh, here ya go!)

~*~

“timmy,” tango calls urgently, ducking into the netherrack cave.

“yeah?” timmy pokes his head up from their nest. there are a few stray sticks caught in his hair- he must’ve taken a nap like tango suggested, thank god.

“sminor said there were blackcoats at the market yesterday, asking about hybrids.” tango talks quickly, his tone low and impersonal. he crosses over to the double chest they’ve set up, starting to rummage through it. “we gotta go, pack your stuff.”

timmy makes a noise of dismay, sitting upright. “is sean gonna be okay?” he asks tentatively, wringing his hands together.

tango scoffs. “c’mon, you know him. long as he stays outta water, he’ll be fine.” okay, that’s everything he can carry. he pops his ender chest down and starts reorganizing, trying to fit as many resources as he can. “now we, on the other hand, happen to be a bit more visibly obvious hybrids, so like i said, we gotta go.” satisfied with his ender chest, tango mines it back up before turning to face timmy. “now c’mon, scooch, i gotta burn it.”

timmy glances down at the nest, his face falling. “but i just got it how i like it…”

“well sorry, but it’s gotta go!” tango huffs, totally unapologetic, tugging at timmy’s arm. he manages not to scratch him. “now hurry up, get packing-”

“can’t we just hole up here for a few days, til they clear out the area?” timmy asks desperately.

“timmy-”

“you hid this place really well, they’re not gonna find it.”

tango doesn’t let the compliment sway him. he knows he’s hidden their base really well; countless hours were spent mining a virtual labyrinth of tunnels through the mountain, painstakingly shaped to appear as if they generated naturally. the way up to the cave is subtly marked by ever-so-slightly misplaced blocks of netherrack, completely imperceptible to anyone who doesn’t know they’re there.

but if the rumors about the blackcoats are true, that won’t be enough.

“we can’t take that chance,” tango says sharply. he jerks his thumb back at the chest. “last warning. get packed or i’m burning it all.”

sighing, timmy finally relents, climbing over the edge of the nest and shuffling over towards the chest. his head is bowed, mouth pressed into a thin line. pouting, like a little kid. fucking typical.

leaning over the rim of the nest, tango dips his clawed fingers into the brush. he closes his eyes; fire flows from his fingertips, easy as breathing. the stick-and-leaf structure catches light almost instantly. fire crackles and pops in the still air.

timmy has turned his face away as he digs through the chest, shoulders hunching by his ears and wings tucked closed to his body. tango refuses to let himself feel bad for it. it had to be done.

“how’s your hunger?” he murmurs, stepping away from the burning nest.

“hm?” timmy doesn’t look over at him, preoccupied as he sorts his inventory.

tango sighs. “timmy. your hunger.”

“oh, uh- fine?”

“did you even check your comm?”

“i’m pretty sure it’s fine-”

“lemme see.”

“tangooo,” timmy whines, in that plaintive way of his, willing tango to drop the subject.

but tango remains firm, holding out a hand expectantly. after a moment, timmy wilts under the pressure, as expected. he meekly hands tango his communicator, glancing away.

tango quickly scans timmy’s stats. full health. thirty-eight levels (it’s been a while since his last death, tango notes with no small amount of pride). two armor points, cause of the iron boots tango made him last week. and his hunger bar-

“two haunches?” tango hisses. he can almost feel his blood start to boil. “damn it, timmy, how many times do i gotta tell you? you keep it at four at the absolute lowest, in case you have to run or fly. i told you, you don’t have to ration food, if we’re low i’ll go get more.”

timmy gives him a pleading look. “tango-”

“no- no, stop it with the puppy dog eyes! i already- i told you!” tango shoves the communicator back at timmy, none too gently. “do you want the creepy scientists to catch you? huh? want them to experiment on you? you want them to do a- a live dissection- a vivisection on you?”

“hang on,” timmy protests, a nervous tremor in his voice, “we don’t- we don’t know for sure that’s what’ll happen if they find us-”

“what do you think happens?” tango snaps, tasting flames on his tongue. he knows his blaze rods must be spitting fire at this point, but he can’t bring himself to care. “everywhere they go, hybrids disappear. what, you- do you think they’re all just enjoying some super secret hybrid party, joining hands and singing kumbaya? don’t be stupid.”

for a moment there’s silence, nothing but the steady crackling of the burning nest behind them. timmy just looks at him, those big sad eyes shining with tears, and tango’s anger extinguishes.

as easy as it is to lash out at timmy, as good as it feels to get that release, tango always regrets it pretty quickly afterwards.

“hey…” tango exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair. “okay, okay, sorry. you’re not stupid.” he steps closer, carefully taking timmy’s face in his hands. “and- and i don’t wanna leave either. but it’s the only way to keep you safe. i mean- i promised i would, didn’t i?”

“yeah, i know.” timmy sniffles, avoiding tango’s gaze. “there’s… another town fifteen hundred blocks north?”

“no,” tango says, taking care not to let his voice harden. he picks a stick out of timmy’s hair before stepping away. “no towns for a while. we need to lay low til they clear the area. we’ll find a nice mountain in a forest somewhere, okay? maybe- maybe we can even have a little skylight.”

“yeah?” timmy asks, his voice going up hopefully.

“yeah.” tango pulls a cooked salmon out of his inventory, handing it to timmy. “here, eat.”

in hindsight, tango should’ve known they wouldn’t be safe for very long, living near a coastal town. oceans are few and far between in hels, so they get a lot of traffic. but god, it’s so nice to have actual meat for a change. he loathes the thought of going back to rotten flesh and spider eyes.

timmy takes the fish without complaint and starts nibbling on it. satisfied, tango turns to their double chest and breaks it, letting all the excess items and blocks spill onto the floor. a single well-aimed fireball sets the whole pile ablaze, leaving nothing but smoldering netherrack.

lastly, tango mines their respawn anchor. now that their spawn point is untethered, he feels the anxiety start to kick in with renewed force. a death now would strand them at the world spawn, and that would be all kinds of bad. he takes a final look around the cave; there’s no sign they were ever even here.

“alright, let’s get moving,” he says, putting his pickaxe away and heading for the exit tunnel.

timmy follows him out of the cave. they travel in silence for a few minutes, tango keeping an ear out for mobs since the only light they have is the faint flow of his blaze rods. lighting the area up would give them away, so they’ve had to get used to seeing in the dark.

“someday,” tango says quietly, “we’ll go far enough that we won’t have to worry about those guys ever again. and- and we’ll be able to make a little happy house together, nest and all.”

timmy hums, his arm brushing against tango’s in the dark, wing spread around his shoulders. “yeah, a proper home. i like it. we can- uh, d’you think we’ll make like, a farm or somethin’? a little cozy cottage, like a- a homestead, or…”

“a ranch?” tango suggests, feeling a grin pull at his mouth. like they’d ever find enough passive mobs for that. but for some reason, the idea appeals to him.

timmy huffs a laugh, something tango hasn’t heard for a while. “yeah, sure, we’ll be ranchers.”

“ranchers,” tango agrees. his inner fire has dimmed to a gentle warmth, now; some soft, weak thing he doesn’t have a name for. “team rancher.”

~*~

[mariacallous]

Griffin Dunne has just written a book. He had been meaning to do so for ages. It was one of the items on his bucket list: learn a musical instrument, master Spanish and write his damn memoir. “One down, two to go,” he says, beaming in via video link from his home in upstate New York. The actor and film-maker turns 69 this weekend. He reckons that still leaves him time for the music and Spanish.

Dunne imagined his memoir as a family portrait in the style of David Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day. He pictured something light on its toes, witty and poignant, a weave of essays and anecdotes. But then the book changed direction, as though it had a will of its own. It went where it wanted and needed to go. He says: “On some level, I knew there was this big subject ahead. And so, as I’m writing the book, I’m thinking: oh, OK, I know where this is going now.” The story leads to the scene of a 40-year-old crime. It revisits the death of Dunne’s younger sister, Dominique, and the grisly murder trial that followed.

I tell Dunne I really like the book, which sounds crass in the circumstances, but is true. While The Friday Afternoon Club is about the death of a loved one, it’s full of light, life and colour. It’s a startling tale of precarious American privilege, spotlighting a family that is blessed and cursed.

Dunne casts himself as the Hollywood prince at its centre, surrounded by famous faces, clamouring to be noticed. He tells how Sean Connery rescued him from the family swimming pool, how Billy Wilder critiqued his childhood pranks and how he roomed with Carrie Fisher before she went off to make Star Wars (“This movie is going to be a fucking disaster,” she said). Dunne was raised among storytellers (his dad and uncle were authors; Joan Didion was his aunt) and he writes with a loose, easy swagger. His memoir is tart, buoyant and playful right up to the moment it’s not.

In the early 1980s, when he was in his 20s, Dunne was hitting his stride as an actor. He had secured his breakout role in 1981’s An American Werewolf in London, playing the undead grad student Jack Goodman, doomed to haunt the adult cinemas of Soho. His 22-year-old sister was also faring well, having co-starred in 1982’s Poltergeist. But, on 30 October 1982, Dominique was strangled by her ex-boyfriend, John Sweeney, and died in hospital five days later. The trial, says Dunne, was outrageous, a farce. Implicitly, it seemed to put the Dunnes in the dock, framing the bereaved family members as frivolous dandies. Sweeney was convicted of manslaughter, but acquitted of murder. He served just three and a half years in prison.

Four decades on, Dunne’s account of events burns with rage. He is furious with the judge who intervened to block crucial evidence. He is furious with the killer’s employers (the Los Angeles restaurant Ma Maison), who stepped in to pay his legal fees. He is furious with Dominique’s then co-star, David Packer, who remained inside the house while Dominique was being attacked outside. “All the old anger got re-stoked,” he says. “I tapped right back into my vengeful side.”

During the trial, Dunne was approached by a mobster who offered to have Sweeney killed. He discussed the idea with his brother, Alex. “At that time, we would have been diagnosed as crazy people,” he says. “I told my brother that we had an opportunity to have the killer dealt with in the county jail. We decided not to kill him, but to mess him up, to have his hands smashed, like we were ordering pizza and choosing different toppings from the menu. And that was just the beginning of our madness; it carried right through. Even writing it down, I thought: I’ve got to let this go, because you can’t live in hate.”

In the end, they did nothing. Dominique’s killer changed his name after being released from prison and is likely still alive today. “I will neither forgive nor forget,” Dunne says. “But I’m not going to let that be the A-story of my sister’s life.”

Dominique was a victim, but that doesn’t make her life tragic. What is clear from the book is that people adored her. She comes across as whip-smart and droll, grounded and private. “She was a serious, substantial person,” he says. “Serious about her acting, her animals, her family. And, actually, rather intimidating, even though she was the youngest of the family.”

Dominique cared for their mother, Ellen, who had multiple sclerosis. She also cared for their father, Dominick, who was bisexual and closeted and yet confided in her. “So she was somebody we were all a bit in awe of. She was always wise beyond her years.”

She sounds like the family’s moral compass. “Yeah,” he says. “But also a bit bossy. She always knew what she wanted. My brother and I were a little fearful of her. It was like she’d been born already built.”

Dunne, by contrast, was a work in progress. In his memoir, he says that his first word was “taxi” and that he was always in a hurry – always running before he could walk. He was expelled from school for smoking pot. He was “coked to the gills” on the night Dominique was attacked. He was bumptious and entitled. His sister’s death changed him, he says, because how on earth could it not?

“For one thing, I never thought about domestic violence, the abuse of women. I grew up in Los Angeles and when I was in high school, pre-Roman Polanski, it was incredibly common for 13- or 14-year-old girls to be dating guys in their 30s. They’d go to these decadent parties in the hills and then come back and tell us all about it. And that was the culture; it felt exciting. I was unaware of what it meant. But then you have my sister, a 22-year-old girl, who finds herself in a domestic violence relationship with someone who’s twice her weight. So everything looked different to me afterwards.”

Perhaps it affected his career as well. In the mid-1980s, Dunne was on the threshold of stardom. He combined the charm and grace of a leading man with the prickly intelligence of a great character actor. The door kept swinging open, but he seemed to keep shutting it. He turned down The Fly and Sex, Lies, and Videotape in favour of making Who’s That Girl, with Madonna, and a reviled comedy, Me and Him, in which he played a yuppie architect who quarrels with his talking penis.

Dunne’s agent accused him of making “self-destructive choices”. He had always craved fame, only to find that it spooked him. “Too much attention at that time was a little fearsome for me,” he says. “I found it very stressful.” He hesitates. “And also my father,” he adds. “That had a lot to do with it, too.”

Dominick is the third main player in The Friday Afternoon Club, a high-flying producer who came to earth with a crash. He would eventually find his voice as a writer. He became Vanity Fair’s star reporter, first covering the Sweeney case, then the OJ Simpson and Claus von Bülow trials. But the in-between years were hard and humiliating. He suffered a reversal of fortune that took the whole family aback.

“I saw my father fail,” Dunne says. “I watched real failure in action in real time. He was a man who had a big house and a beautiful car and a great job and entertained the most famous actors and directors in the world. And everything was taken away from him, partly through his own actions, but nonetheless. People came out of the woodwork, kicked him when he was down.

“They were like: ‘I always hated you, I always knew you were closeted, you’ll never work again, pack your bags.’ And the effect it had on me, just entering the business as he was being destroyed in that business …” He draws a breath. “Well, it had a lot to do with the choices I made.”

In hindsight, the 1985 black comedy After Hours was his fork in the road. It’s also the picture with which he is most identified. Dunne developed the film as a co-producer and convinced Martin Scorsese to direct. He also took the lead role of repressed Paul Hackett, who embarks on a long, dark night of the soul through the streets of Lower Manhattan.

On set, Scorsese made one big stipulation. He ordered Dunne not to have sex for the duration of the shoot. I am gobsmacked by this, but the actor was unfazed. “It made perfect sense to me,” he says. “I knew what he meant. The character had to be boiling over with this unfulfilled anxiety. You had to see …” He pauses. “Not to be crude, but you had to see the semen build up to where it’s practically coming out of his eyes.”

One Saturday night, though, Dunne cracked and broke the rule. The next day of filming, Scorsese spotted the change and went berserk. “You’ve fucked up the whole picture,” he shouted. “I don’t think I can finish it now.”

Dunne says that he was probably being directed here, too. “Because now I’m afraid. I’m terrified. And it turns out that a certain level of fear is the same as not having sex. So [Scorsese’s] second piece of direction is telling me that I’ve ruined his movie. That’s excellent direction. It brought all the old anxiety back.”

It should have been a tough prospect, sitting down to write his book. Emotionally, because it meant revisiting the worst time of his life. Practically, because the Dunne family had already set the bar high. They are all dead now: his dad in 2009; his journalist-screenwriter uncle, John Gregory Dunne, in 2003; Joan Didion in 2021. But their reputations are daunting. It must have felt as though he were writing in the shadow of Mount Rushmore.

Dunne says it wasn’t that way at all. He had always assumed that writing a book would be a lonely endeavour. In fact, it felt warm, intimate and weirdly convivial. “I didn’t feel daunted, trying to write and being related to all these prominent figures. Quite the opposite. I felt their presence. When I described them, it was like I was seeing them again, living with them again. It was like I was back meeting Joan for the first time. It was as though I was spending time with her and John, my father and my sister,” he says. “They were alive to me. When I finished the book, that was the sad part. It felt like I missed them all over again.”

[luxury-nightmare]

mom says it’s my turn on the writing

It b̵͕͕̾̽́̍́̆͜u̷̾̀ͅr̷̛͓͂̅͝n̷̝̬͖̺͕̐̆͝ę̵͔̰̯̑͑̇̃̊��d̶͚̲̟̹̣͛͑̊͘

Alex couldn’t suppress it anymore. Their transformation was almost complete, they knew it, and it hurt like hell.

Something was needed to complete the transformation, to make the burning stop. Something was missing, and they needed to find it.

They turned the corner, the long hallways of the asylum bathed in red from the alarm. They were dripping, their form still unstable. They looked around, only to see a caretaker standing on guard, gun in hand. Their mask obscured their expression, but Alex could feel the fear radiating off them.

Their pupils dilated. Their stomach growled. They couldn’t control themself anymore.

They l̶̼̜͛̇̕u̸̫͈͙̅̅̊̿͋n̷̻̤̩͒g̸͖̙͊̀̕ͅë̵̙͎͉͎͗d̴͕̯̘͙͂̊̎̚

They å̵̙̰̫̺̯̊b̷̧̠̳̦̠̒̔̌s̶̪̘͒̚o̴̳͚̲̰̮̞͑͐̅͘͘͝r̴̼͊͂̅̈́̆̾b̶͚͖͎̪̠̻́ę̵͓̰̭͔̐̃͜ḋ̴̬̕ ̶̝̯̟̘̭̾͝ͅ ̸̨̢̛̩͈̞̖̰̲̜̘͕̘̪̫͙̇̅

Welcome home little one

———————————————

Alex had been acting weird since the raid. Something was wrong, Clyde could tell. It assumed that transforming from a human into a velidgun was not easy, but this was different. They were being more distant, muttered to themself when they thought it was out of earshot.

It was concerned for its huma- Alex, it wanted to help, but it didn’t know what to do. At their core, Alex still thought and acted like a human, and Clyde had no clue how care like a human would. It was learning, but it still didn’t fully grasp the concept

It wanted to help, but it couldn’t.

It hated feeling helpless

———————————————

They could still hear the caretaker they absorbed. They knew his memories now, his thoughts and emotions, his life inside and out.

They couldn’t control themself, they had needed the burning to stop, and it did. It seemed like they had to absorb someone in order to complete their transformation, or else they would’ve been stuck in that in-between form.

That didn’t stop the guilt though.

His name was Sean Grimm. He was a senior in college, a couple years younger than Alex. He had been payed by the foundation to discredit the story about Clyde’s break in, Alex had remembered him on the news report that day, and was offered a job afterward. Lankmann needed people to do his dirty work, and Sean already had played into his hand.

Alex curled into themself, wings folded over their body like a feathery cocoon. They could still hear Sean’s voice in the back of their mind. He was confused and scared, and Alex couldn’t blame him. They couldn’t imagine what it was like, trapped in a body you couldn’t control, lurking in the back of some monster’s mind.

Alex didn’t regret what they did to Lankmann. If there was a hell, that bastard would be rotting there for the rest of eternity. But if they could go back, they would’ve absorbed him instead, just to stop the burning and not murder an innocent man.

Unfortunately, you already have, Willams

What was that?

Alex unfurled their wings in shock, whipping their head around in trying to find the source of the voice. It wasn’t Sean, he was still quiet in the back of their mind.

The voice was familiar in the worst way, identical to the doctor-

Oh

Alex sunk back to the floor, eyes wide.

You’re a fool if you thought you would’ve gotten rid of me that easily Willams

———————————————

“Alex?” Clyde had found Alex curled up next to the nest, wings covering their face. It sat down next to its partner, and Alex lowered their wings.

“Is something wrong?” Clyde asked, and Alex buried their face in their hands. Clyde flinched, they only did that when they were upset. Clyde leaned closer to it’s partner, curling its tail around them in an attempt to comfort them.

“I killed someone” Alex whispered to themself. Clyde tried to buried the confusion it felt “he deserves it, he was hurting people, you better than anyone know thi-“

“No, not him” Alex said abruptly “I mean, I did kill him, but I don’t regret it. He had to die, and if I didn’t you’ve would’ve, and I don’t know it would’ve effected you if you had absorbed him”

Clyde gritted its teeth, not letting its thoughts stray there. Alex took a deep breath, and continued “During the raid on the asylum, before I completed my transformation, there was this, burning that I felt. It was like the worst fever I had ever had, and I needed to make it stop.”

They took another breath, shifting uncomfortably. “I saw a caretaker, but he hadn’t noticed me. I knew he could stop the burning so I-“ they cut themself off abruptly, burning their face back into their hands.

Clyde didn’t know how to respond. This was natural for velidgun. They were predators, and now Alex was to. But Clyde could understand why Alex was so distressed. They used to be human, they weren’t anymore but they still thought like one.

“I killed someone” they repeated, the words sharper this time “He’s dead because of me, because I couldn’t-“

Clyde pulled them into a hug, cutting them off. “You did what you had to” it said.

Alex blinked a couple times, before wrapping their arms around Clyde in return.

They could figure this out together.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Eras: The Beatles | Episode 6 - Now and Then

In the final episode of Eras: The Beatles, we hear the story behind The Beatles' final single Now and Then, including new interviews with Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr. Narrated by Martin Freeman, the episode also features insight on the new track from Sean Ono Lennon, Olivia Harrison and Peter Jackson.

.

[This episode features more complete audio from the soundbites included in the 'Now and Then' short film/documentary. Under the cut are transcriptions of some of my favorite sections. Including Paul's interpretation of the meaning of 'Now and Then' (bonus points if you guess his answer!)]

PAUL: And then 'Now and Then' just kind of languished in a cupboard and we didn't do anything with it. I kept saying, "You know, maybe we should do something with this, seems a bit—" "Hm, I don't know..." There wasn't a great desire to do anything with it. So it hung around for a while. Years! And every so often, I'd kind of go to the cupboard and think, "There's a new song in there! We should do it! We gotta do it!" But it'd go back in the cupboard.

[...]

PAUL: Peter [Jackson] had sent me a text while he was doing the 'Get Back' thing. He said, "Here's a piece of dialogue of John's that I'd like to use, but George is rehearsing in the background," and you could hear George's guitar and you couldn't really make out quite what John was saying because it was distracting. He said, "But we've got this new technology: Machine Assisted Learning. M.A.L., so we're calling it MAL." Which was like— that was really cool! Because our old road manager and dear friend was Mal [Evans].

[...]

PETER JACKSON: I'd had this idea for two or three years about him [Paul] singing a duet with John. And the fact that we'd developed this software now allows us to separate the voices and the music meant that I could take a song that John and Paul were singing on, just separate John's vocal only, and Paul could have that for playing on stage. And then his band and himself could do the vocals and the playing for the rest of the song. So he could do a duet with John. He didn't even blink, he just said, "That's a fantastic idea, I love it! Let's do it!" And so we quickly turned that around and got that underway. So Paul was now touring with a John Lennon duet on 'I Got a Feeling'.

[...]

PETER JACKSON: I got a phone call from Paul saying, "Is it possible to use that technology for another project I've been thinking about? [...] Would it be possible to take John's vocal and clean it up and get rid of everything else? Because that would allow us to finish this Beatles song." And absolutely, it didn't take me more than about a second to get back to him and say, "Of course we can do it!"

[...]

PETER JACKSON: We assumed that the copy of 'Now and Then' that they were working to in the studio in 1995, where the vocals were coming from, was probably not a first-generation copy. [...] So we though, well this is probably a third generation [tape copy]. [...] And so we contacted Sean Lennon and he was very helpful. And sure enough, we got a digital copy of the original. Which is the same demo, same performance, but two generations better.

[...]

RINGO: I'm sitting there thinking, "I don't remember George doing that solo?" It was just like practicing, maybe. Cus it sounds like George! Then Paul said, "No, it's me." [laughs] But Paul did a great job. I mean, he's very good, you know, Paul. He's a very good musician.

[...]

RINGO: Giles [Martin] had to fly out to LA one day to listen to a four-hour string session that Paul wanted, and then fly back to England! [laughs] There's no string sections in England!

[...]

PAUL: Eventually, when we got to mix number 7 it was, "Wow, this is it! Now it's a Beatle record!" And we played it to various people, some of whom cried. Some of whom said, "Jesus Christ! It's a Beatles record!" But the reaction was very favorable.

[...]

RINGO: The difference from the two tracks of John, the old track of John— you know, we have to thank Sean as well, because he found the original tape. So that's the one you can really hear John, not the copy-copy-copies. And... it's like John's there, you know. It's far out. It's so clear now you know it's him. Cus on the original one we were working to I couldn't tell if it was Paul or John singing half the time. But now you know it's John! [chuckles]

[...]

PAUL: I think it just means 'now and then'. "Now and then, I have a cup of tea". I'm not sure it means an awful lot more than that. But, looking at it from today's perspective, now and then. Then you can start to get all sorts of meanings in. The modern-day, the historical past of the Beatles. It lines up with all of that. But we were always very happy to let people make their own minds up. "Here it is, it's a song. Now, the minute we deliver it to you, it's up to you. You can do anything you want with it." And people do!

[...]

RINGO: And that was what it was like for the three of us when we started this role in the 90s. We had to pretend— it always makes me laugh when I think of it— we had to pretend that he'd gone for a cup of tea or his lunch. But that he was still around. Because it was very strange when we started there's only three of us, after all those years, and all that life, that there were four of us. And I still miss him, man!

[...]

SEAN LENNON: It feels very synchronous that the lyric speaks about time and that it's taken so much time. That it sort of fuses the past and the present. It's like a time capsule. And it all feels very meant to be — or fated, or something — in the nicest sense.

[...]

PAUL: When I remember the Beatles, I remember the joy, the talent, the humor, the love. And I think, if people remembered us for that — for those things — I'd be very happy.

[chubbysciencenerd]

∘°♡ Making It Up ♡°∘

Oral!fem/male receiving, fingering, rough sex, hair pulling, degrading slightly, nature/public/ outdoors, fem!first oral

̇ ̟ ෆ︵‿୨♡୧‿︵ෆ ̟ ̇

╭─ ⋅ ⋅ ─ ✩ ─ ⋅ ⋅ ─╮

Javier promised to take you out fishing because you hated being cooped up at camp with nothing fun going on. You were talking to Sean as javier comes over and places a hand on your waist, “you ready to go fishing?” You answer excitedly “Yeah! Of course lets go!” You look at Sean and mumble a “sorry gotta go” and give him a apologetic smile before following Javi. He brings you to his horse, he stores the poles and bait on the horse before he gets on then proceeds to help you. You wrap your hands around his waist enjoying the connection between you two, he starts to ride out of camp. “So what made you want to go fishing of all things?’ He asks glancing back to get a glimpse of you. “Mainly because you’re always talking about it and its a nice time alone.” You knew you still had to pay him back and I thought that this could be the perfect opportunity. He laughs before speeding up.

Soon enough you were there, he gets off the horse then carefully helps you down. You look around and the spot was just absolutely beautiful. He comes up behind you with the polls. “Gorgeous isn’t it?” He says softly in that sweet voice of his. “Yeah, yeah it is.” You look at him over your shoulder before placing a soft kiss on his lips. “So answer me something mi amor, {my love} did you really want to come out here to fish?” You blush a little knowing damn well that was kinda true, at the same time you did honestly want to learn how to fish. “Half and half” He smiles kissing you again. He pulls away from you as he puts the rods and bait back on the horse. He tells you to stay there as he takes the horse into the trees a bit before tying him up to the tree. He comes back down and pulls you into a kiss placing his hands on your hips. You start walking backwards, as your back hit a tree Javier pushed you against it keeping you locked in place as the kiss starts to turn sloppy.

You slide your hand to his chest carefully feeling it before slowly dragging your hand down. You reach his heat as he pushes against your hand. You break from the kiss and move your head into his neck before you start leaving soft kisses, eventually turning into love marks and you didn’t care who saw them. Javier groaned as he took his hands to unbutton his pants, he was clumsy but made great haste. He slides them down with his boxers, and you quickly got to work stroking his length. He pulls his neck away before grabbing the back of your hair and dragging your head into a kiss. You push him forward a little staying with him, you turn him around and push him against the Tree. He lets go of your hair and pulls away. He stares you in your eyes panting, “please querida {darling}…” You kiss him before sinking down to your knees looking up at him as you tease him by slowly stroking his length teasing the tip with your thumb. He gasps before covering his mouth and trying his best to not toss his head back. He watches you full of lust.

You place a kiss on the tip before trailing kisses down his shaft. You drag your tongue on the under-side of his length up to the tip, you take most of him down your throat quickly he laces his finger through your hair as he unexpectedly starts bobbing your head on his length you squeeze your eyes shut as you bring your hands to his thighs gripping them tightly. You gag a few times when he first started but you quickly got decently used to it. You look up at him with tears in your eyes and god did he love it, watching you choke on his girth helpless. You both knew that if you needed to stop you tap his leg but you were more than fine as of now. He throws his head back mumbling some Spanish curses into the back of his hand, he soon after quickly pulls you off of him before pulling you back up to the ground. He spins you to where you are now in front of the tree, you knew exactly what was happening as this is what you guys had done a while outside of camp. You bring your hands and hold onto the tree as he drops your skirt down to your ankles, before you can even realize he shoved his full length in and started thrusting at a fast and hard pace. You could tell he had been holding back for a while with the way he was ramming into you, the thrust were sloppy and with no rhythm. He laces his fingers in your hair pulling your head up to hear your sweet sounds clearer.

“Di mi nombre! {Say my name!}” Javier shouts speeding up the pace slowly starting to lose whatever little rhythm he did have. “Javi! Javier~! You reply shakily, you were growing close and starting to grow overstimulated. With a few more sloppy thrust javier finishes quickly pulling out to avoid a pregnancy, especially with you two not knowing how far you want to take this relationship. You felt empty as he pulled out but he was quick to pulling you up and you burry your back into his chest. He places a soft kiss on your head and a few by your ear before whispering, “Did you finish mi amor? {my love}” You tiredly shake your head. “Let’s fix that then, shall we?” You look up at him over your shoulder as he kisses you before turning you around to face him. He picks you up as you wrap your legs around his waist he carries you to a nearby large rock, he sets you down on it before he gets on his own knees in between your legs. You didn’t know what he was about to do as all of the men you had been with in the past had no care about your own pleasure. He kisses up your thighs switching thighs each kiss before he gets to your heat, your face was beet red and oh did it get redder as his lips connect with your skin.

His mouth made quick work exploring your soaked folds adoring the taste, he groans into it sending vibrations to your body. You fall flat against the rock as he continues, you bite your hand knowing anyone nearby would hear you if you didn’t. His tongue starts to focus on your clit, your thighs tighten around his face as he found a new way to please you. You bring your free hand up to grope your breast almost to distract yourself so you could feel the pleasure longer.

Javier soon adds two fingers quickly curling them in and out to hit your sensitive spot, all of the things combined were driving you crazy. You felt like you were in a complete different reality, one where it was only you and him. Your toes curl as your thighs tighten around his head once again, your legs start to shake right as you finish on his face. He doesn’t stop but he slows down, your juices are too hard to resist. After he cleans you up as best as he can, he gives one last lick on you sensitive bud and your legs twitched as he did and he chuckled looking at the mess he made of you.

He gets back up picking you up and kisses you quickly on your forehead. “Are you alright? Was that too much?” You gave him a soft smile, “it was amazing.. I’ve never had a guy do that before. Thank you Javi.” He places a soft kiss on your lips before taking you back over to the tree. You hold onto it as Javi helps you back into your skirt, it was difficult when your legs felt like jello. He put you on his horse and rode you back to camp, he carries you to your guys tent as your half asleep. He puts you in your cot and covers you with his blanket, “I wish I could stay with you but I have.. things I need to deal with in town” You look up at him softly and nod as if you’re telling him that its fine, you were too tired to talk and it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

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(Im sorry if this isn’t as good as my first one, I’ve been having trouble sleeping pls lmk if you have any request for characters, kinks, etc. I do not write mlm as I would feel uncomfortable writing it as I am not a male. Ty for understanding and plssss tell me what i can do to improve!!<33)

P.s.[I love you and thank you for reading :)]

[meanbossart]

Responding to more asks!

Again just want to thank everyone for enjoying my weird little man and the weird little things i draw, i genuinely did not think my sense of humor and uh horror-y persuasion would jibe with so many other fans of this game... Which, come to think of it might have been my mistake, because 90% of us did pick dark urge and have a great time with it, to be fair. Seriously, anyone else was shocked by how hard larian went with the horror themes and gore descriptions in that game? That's probably what won me over LOL who knew fantasy could be so nasty, god bless them.

THANK YOU though i mostly wanted to point out that i never did any BTD art, so you MIGHT be confusing me for someone else! Unless you're speaking more generally just to reference an specific time online. Either way, im glad you enjoy what i do now! Similarly to the last ask i also did not expect people who knew me from my old stuff to be into my newfound interest in elves LOL

Hell yeah man, i haven't really been edgy like that for over a decade but i can't believe experiences like it shaped so much of the internet in our age bracket. Ridiculous lol. Thank you so much for sticking with me for that long, cheers to growing into mostly functional adults!

ALSO that comic was actually barbatus' work but i don't blame you for the mixup hehe

Wanna give this one a little 1-on-1 attention to say im glad my weird style has such an unusual upside for you 😭 that's something i never considered. Also i wasn't aware of that condition so you've given me a little something interesting to learn more about now.

I wasn't aware of that manga at all and to be completely honest i am usually a little put off by the typical manga art style, but this one specifically seems REALLY pretty and expressive, im obsessed with the cover that keeps coming up on the google search. I might have to take a peek at it! Thank you for the recommendation and i hope you have a lovely day

WRINKLY FUCKERS UNITE naturally people should draw however they want to draw, but i'll always be happy to hear that someone looked at my stuff and thought "hmmm im gonna make my grimaces uglier" LOL

I wasn't aware of wraith but it looks like a riot LOL I actually take great inspiration from the works of Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy! Also, even more so, I would say my boyfriend's (@barbatusart) highly expressive art style has influenced mine a great deal throughout the years. Thank you so much for the message!