#i did not know before i started reading this book that it's part of a series of 90 novels and novellas about the same characters đ
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ok WOW!!!!! i just finished reading this for the first time and i'm speechless! i started reading this way too late, thinking i'd read one chapter before bed just to check it out. fast forward five chapters it was, and i'm not kidding 06.30am, and i was in a concerning "only one more chapter and i'll go to bed"-situation. anyways i fell asleep, woke up way too few hours later still thinking about these two, and thinking of them i did until i finally could read the rest before bed.
your writing is so beautiful! lots and lots of beautiful sentences and smart description. it's so clear you have a love for reading, and know your stuff when it comes to literature and mythology. in one of the warnings you said this story was self-indulgent and there is nothing better than a self-indulgent story. you so clearly put your heart and soul into this, and it's so lovely to read. it makes me so happy bc that joy shines through, hiding between the lines.
reading this felt like when i read "the secret history" for the first time. i couldn't put that book down either. i saw you reference it in this series, and i knew i was right in my feeling of this story. in a way it felt catered to my interests. like in the last part where you included joni. and as someone with a joni mitchell url (and someone who's had a joel story inspired by "for the roses" on the wip backburner for a while now), she's a big inspiration to me and i love her music. when you directly mentioned my favorite song on blue "the last time i saw richard" and the line "all romantics meet the same fate someday" i knew i was gonna be in my feelings later đ
the story arc you've put them through has been delicious to read. the perfect balance between hot and filthy smut, and feelings that made my heart ache in the best way (and i mean. i've stopped and read a paragraph again bc i needed to really feel it in my chest). you've written the impending doom and tragedy of their relationship so well. it's hidden in every part, blowing air into a balloon ready to pop at any minute. the push and pull of the early chapters, of the "we shouldn't be doing this" to the "i can't quit you" (<- also a brokeback mountain reference or am i trippin'?).
the chapters in new york i think are my favorite. the freedom they had there to explore their blooming relationship, but again also the tragedy of how they could only be free there with no hiding :(( i knew it was coming in the last chapter. when rachel's advances got turned down by joel in new york i knew it was gonna be her that caught them. that last line broke me </3 idk i'm hoping rachel and joel's pre-existing relationship can help this in any way. rachel is hurt, but could she do that to joel? could she do that to the man she loves, even if he loves another? maybe the tragedy is that her love for him is what dooms his and reader's relationship </3
anyway, long story short, i loved this very very much! you have a gift for writing, and i'm so happy you wrote this! thank you!! <3
a loverâs pinch | masterlist
professor!joel miller x f!reader
pairing: professor!joel miller x f!reader rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni series summary: a one-night stand with a charming texan turns into something much more thrilling when you discover he is your new college professor. joel miller is entirely off limits. but now that youâve had a taste, will you be able to keep your hands to yourselves? series warnings/tags: au, university professor joel, age gap [20 something years diff], alcohol consumption, ethically dubious relationship due to inherent power imbalance, explicit smut, angst, secret relationship, joel has both his daughters, joel's profession is very ooc but the core of his personality [grumpy], lore [dilf], mannerisms [being a secret softy] etc etc are all as true to character as my two humble hands can manage. explicit warnings included in each part. main masterlist ziggy's moodboard | ziggyâs moodboard II sil's moodboard ALP playlist
one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten |
â°â⤠night breeze [an ALP interlude set between seven & eight]
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tutor girl | rc
pairing: frat!rafe x college!reader
summary: y/n and rafe were never on the same level, but after a party at his frat that forms an unlikely friendship, rafe asks for her help
request by anonymous
warnings: drinking? i think thatâs all
wc: 2k
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You closed up your laptop and textbook as your professor said his final few words of the lecture. You were tutoring someone right after, and didnât want to make them wait around in the library.
You gathered your things quickly and stood up, keeping your head down as you made your way out of the lecture hall.
âBye tutor girl,â you heard a voice call behind you.
You turned to see Rafe Cameron, smug grin spread across his face as he waved at you. You rolled your eyes as you always did and started to make your way to the library.
âYou know, tutor girl, it wouldnât kill you to look up from a book and have fun every now and then,â he teased.
You didnât know why he always had to speak to you and taunt you with his dumb nicknames. You had no friends in common, and ran in completely different circles, yet he relentlessly went out of his way to tease you.
You arrived at the library first, and sat down at your usual table. Leah, the girl you were tutoring, was starting to become almost a friend to you. You two usually spend the beginning of your sessions just chatting and catching up. You saw her red hair before you saw any other part of her as she breathlessly sat down in front of you.
âSorry Iâm late,â she breathed. âYou know how Callahan can be.â
âOh, do I ever,â you chuckled.
âYou going to that party tonight?â she asked casually as she took out her notes for you guys to go over together.
You shook your head, not hearing about any party. Your Friday nights were usually spent binge watching shows or reading a book tucked under your blanket. You didnât go out much, and you liked it that way. You enjoyed spending time with yourself.
âYou have to come!â she exclaimed. âI thought Ella would have invited you already. Itâs at that frat house, the red brick one, alpha something.â
You werenât surprised Ella, your roommate and friend, didnât mention it to you. She knew your answer would probably be no, so eventually she just stopped asking. You decided maybe tonight youâd step out of your comfort zone. For some reason, Rafe insinuating you didnât know how to have fun was bothering you. You could have fun. What did he know?
Just for a few hours, you told yourself, so people donât think youâre so boring anymore.
âIâll be there,â you grinned.
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âYou look hot!â your roommate, Ella, screeched from behind you.
You blinked as you placed in your second contact lense, waiting for your vision to un-blur.
âNot as hot as you,â you told her. âI feel so weird.â
She reassured you that you looked great. You felt a little self conscious, but tried not to let it get to you. Tonight was about having fun. Letting loose, have a few drinks, talk to new people. It would be fine. The clothes you wore and how you looked were secondary.
You shoved your phone in your pocket as you and Ella made your way outside. The frat house was only about 5 minutes away on foot, an easy trek.
âDo you know anyone at this party?â you asked.
âA few,â she answered. She listed off a few names, all of which were unfamiliar to you except one.
Rafe.
âRafe Cameron?â you asked, trying not to sound too curious.
She nodded affirmatively, making you let out a sigh. Just what you needed, Rafe teasing you about the way you looked, or about you being nerdy. Whatever. You just had to show him how to have a good time, that he didnât know you like he thought he did.
You let Ella walk in first, suddenly feeling a rush of nerves overcome you. You hadnât been to a frat party, and you had no idea what to expect. You just knew there would be a lot of booze, and a lot of idiot men.
The loud music pounded in your ears the second you walked through the door, and it was a lotâŚsweatier than you imagined. The temperature of the room rose from all the body heat. Girls in little clothing were grinding against boys who didnât seem to even know their names. Red solo cups strewn on the floor that had a perpetual sticky feeling.
âLetâs get a drink!â Ella yelled into your ear over the music as you both made your way to the kitchen.
The counter was lined with alcohol bottles, various juices and mixers, and a big bowl of what appeared to be punch of some kind. You reached for a red cup from the pile, a hand interjecting you.
âTutor girl!â Rafe cheered. âWhat are you doing here?â
Of course he found you immediately.
âItâs Friday night,â you shrugged nonchalantly.
âThat it is, tutor girl, that it is,â he nodded. âLet me make you a drink.â
You grabbed the cup back from him, cocking your eyebrow.
âI can do it,â you told him. You didnât trust any of these boys to make you a drink.
He raised his hands in defence, taking a step back to let you have free access to the contents in front of you. You mixed yourself a drink, feeling Rafeâs eyes burning into you. Ella had left your side, probably seeing someone she knew and running over to them.
You took a deep sip of your drink, knowing you needed some liquid courage to get you through the night. You heard Rafe say something, but couldnât hear him over the music. You asked him what he said and he leaned toward you, his warm breath behind you ear.
âI said I like you better with the glasses,â he repeated.
You couldnât help the blush from forming on your cheeks. You were used to people telling you they liked you better without them. You had always wondered if you should wear contacts every day. Your blush disappeared when you realized who you were talking to. He was being sarcastic, making fun of you.
âIâm gonna go find Ella,â you told him before turning on your heel and walking away.
She was standing by a table playing beer pong, excitedly waving you over. You weaved through overly sweaty bodies to stand next to her. She told you she needed a partner, and you reluctantly agreed.
You went first, bouncing the ping pong ball off the table, and landing it straight in the cup in the front.
âDrink up!â Ella cheered, as Topper chugged the cup in front of him.
You continued, landing almost every throw, everyone around the table cheering you on as you scored the winning shot.
âWho knew tutor girl could kill all of us at beer pong?â Rafe said from behind you.
He smirked at you, moving to the other side of the table.
âLetâs 1v1,â he challenged you, his bright blue eyes narrowing playfully.
âYouâre on, Cameron,â you muttered.
âYouâll regret that, tutor girl.â
The beer coursed through you as Rafe landed his ping pong ball in your cup repeatedly. At this point, it was like you were just taking turns drinking then scoring. The room was slightly spinning around you, but you stayed focused. You were determined to win. You both had one cup left, and it was your turn.
âDonât choke,â Rafe intimidated you from across the table. His gaze was locked on you, making you nervous.
âAs if,â you scoffed, sending your ball straight into the cup.
Everyone cheered, jumping around you drunkenly. The other boys in the frat were teasing Rafe, who apparently almost never lost beer pong. You hadnât even expected yourself to be good at it. A hidden talent, you smiled to yourself.
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You stumbled up the stairs, looking for the bathroom you were told was up here to the left. The hallway spun as you walked in to the first room on the left. You realized quickly it wasnât a bathroom, but a bedroom. You slumped on the floor, feeling tired from dancing for what felt like the last hour.
You couldnât remember the last time you drank this much, and sometimes sitting on the floor was appealing. Youâd get up in a second and find the bathroom. You shut your eyes a moment, you head spinning, before being scared by a sudden voice.
âTutor girl,â he said. You could hear the smirk on his face without even needing to see him. âWhat are you doing in my room?â
âI was looking for the bathroom,â you slurred. âBut I needed a rest and the floor seemed comfortable.â
âYou were only a few feet short,â he chuckled.
You shrugged, laughing to yourself. He sat down beside you, making your body stiffen at his sudden presence so close to you. You were expecting him to kick you out of his room.
He held a bottle in his hand, passing it over to you to take a sip. You took a swig and instantly regretted it, your face grimacing in disgust. Rafe chuckled beside you as he took a swig himself.
âYou know,â he started. âI underestimated you, tutor girl.â
There he goes again with that nickname. Will he ever call you by your name?
âBecause I beat you at beer pong?â you asked.
âNah I knew youâd be good at beer pong,â he answered. âYou were probably doing some physics shit in your head or something.â
You let out a cackle, immediately covering your mouth with your hand. You hadnât meant to laugh that hard.
âYou have a great laugh, y/n,â he slurred, tilting his head back.
You stopped at the sound of your name leaving his mouth. You donât think you ever heard it.
âWow,â you sighed. âNot tutor girl?â
âOh youâre still tutor girl,â he replied quickly. âBut I meant I underestimated how cool you were. Youâre fun.â
âYouâre just drunk,â you said. âTomorrow youâll go back to ignoring me except to make fun of me.â
He stared at you blankly, not knowing what to say. For once, he didnât have a witty comment. You didnât know he did the opposite of ignore you. In fact, he was always paying attention to you. The way your eyebrows furrowed when you were typing your notes out, the way you leaned your chin on your hand when the professor was talking, the smoothness of your voice when you explained a concept to a student. He saw you.
âIâm not making fun, tutor girl,â he whispered. âYouâre very intriguing.â
âThere it is again,â you sighed. You stood up finally, your urge to pee stronger than ever. You snatched the bottle from Rafe and took one more swig before finally going to find the bathroom.
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Monday morning, you sat in class, chin resting in your hand as the professor drawled on. You pushed your glasses up as they slid down your nose. You practically jumped out of your seat when the class was finished. You were starving.
âTutor girl!â you heard a voice call from behind you. You turned to see none other than Rafe jogging towards you, backpack slung over his shoulder.
âWhat do you want, Rafe?â you asked, annoyed he was keeping you away from the sandwich you were about to buy.
âI have a proposition,â he started. âI need help with this class. My grades are slipping and I just canât understand anything. Would you help me?â
You let out a laugh, stopping when you realized he was serious.
âAre you messing with me?â you asked.
He shook his head. âI seriously need help. And I thought who better to ask thanâŚtutor girl!â
You rolled your eyes, as always. But you reluctantly agreed.
âCan we start now?â he pleaded, clutching his textbook in his hands.
âRafe,â you sighed. âIâm starving, can we do another day?â
âIâll buy you lunch!â he exclaimed. âYour prize for beating me at beer pong.â
âFine,â you agreed. âBut we arenât friends just because we sat on the floor drunk together.â
âWhatever you say, tutor girl.â
You rolled your eyes once more, but couldnât help but lift the corners of your mouth, knowing without having to look that he was smiling as he trailed behind you.
#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe x reader#outer banks imagine#outer banks#obx#obx imagine
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complicated â hamzahthefantastic
1. pushing it down and praying
contains: a little cheating..smoking, some nsfw content but nothing crazy
summary: after half a year of no contact, you run into your ex at a party.
a/n: kinda got this idea from the lizzy mcalpine song bc i am obsessed with it. so listen if you havenât lol. also i decided to split the fic but itâs only gonna be two parts!
itâd officially been six months since you and your ex boyfriend went no contact.
the first few months were hell for you.
of course, you went through the stereotypical phase of eating ice cream and crying to rom-coms directly after your break up. but that short-lived phase gradually shifted into one that was much more melancholic once the two of you decided to go no contact.
everyday that you woke up, you were engulfed by an emotional numbness. a dull pain that served as a constant reminder of your grief.
you were grieving what the relationship was and what it couldâve been.
you had always envisioned your future with hamzah in it which is why the lack of communication between the two of you left you absolutely soulless.
you had never experienced such an intense love before him. everything was picture perfect in the beginning. it was even better than the movies.
but after two years, the miscommunication between you to became destructive.
things that should have been minor disagreements escalated into full blown arguments. youâd yell over each other, ignoring each otherâs feelings and growing overwhelmingly defensive.
eventually, it became exhausting. you were both so angry all the time and too stressed with work or school to address it properly.
ultimately, you two mutually decided to call it quits. additionally, you later agreed that going no contact would be the best option for both of you.
now, half a year later, you were finally trying to move on.
after reading an endless amount of self-help books, you learned that after experiencing every stage of relationship grief (which you had), you theoretically should be ready to search for love again.
despite your reluctance, your best friends had forced you to join all the dating apps- urging you to hook up with someone new to get your mind off your ex.
it took days of swiping left on men that were literally the epitome of a walking red flag for you to finally find a man suitable enough to go on a date with.
his name was matthew. he recently graduated from college and instantly started a 9-5 working in finance. he spent his free time hiking. he had a golden retriever.
he was kind. he was stable. but he wasnât hamzah.
you two had gone on a few dates. you had even hooked up after a couple of them.
as guilty as it made you, each hook up was spent closing your eyes- imagining hamzah on top of you. that it wasnât matthew deep inside of you but it was hamzah; the one that knew your body like the back of his hand and knew just how to please you every time.
you were giving your all to this âmoving onâ stage but you simply werenât satisfied.
that being said, when matthew had asked you to attend an old friendâs party with him on your last date, you politely agreed.
now here you were, shuffling through a crowd of sweaty bodies with a man that barely knew you guiding you by your waist.
âhow do you know the host again?â you ask, nearly yelling over the music that was blasting through numerous speakers.
âheâs a friend from my hometown, remember? from ottawa?â
âright, right. i remember now.â you look up at him. you did not remember.
you two make your way into the kitchen. he pours shots of vodka into red solo cups and hands one to you.
you feel the familiar burn of alcohol stinging your throat as you down the shot.
âyou look gorgeous tonight by the way. forgot to tell you earlier.â he tells you, running his hand up and down your waist.
hamzah wouldâve told you earlier. he wouldâve been kissing up and down your neck before you even finished your makeup while getting ready. reiterating how beautiful you are each time his lips left your skin.
fuck. there you go again. comparing everything matthew said or did to hamzah.
heâs not in your life anymore, you think to yourself. itâs time to get over him.
âthank you.â you answer matthew, mustering up a smile.
âyou ready to go meet my friends?â
âyeah, letâs go! iâm excited to meet them.â you were lying straight through your teeth. but you continued to put on this enthusiastic act simply because he was nice.
he leads you to the main room where you meet a couple of his hometown friends. one named kyle. another named josh.
they were essentially carbon copies of matthew. frat bros that grew up and became finance guys.
you quietly listen as the boys catch up on one anotherâs lives.
until something, someone, catches your eye.
hamzah. he was across the large room with his back faced toward you. but it had to be him.
you could recognize the shape of his shoulders and you knew that those dark curls stuffed under a camo hat could only belong to him.
you stomach drops. somehow, you had never ran into him since the breakup.
the sight of him mixed with the alcohol made you sick to your stomach.
âheyâ, you tap on matthewâs shoulder. âiâm gonna go find a bathroom real quick.â you explain.
âokay, just come find me when youâre done.â he replies before resuming his conversation with his friends.
you turn around, walking in the direction of a long hallway that you knew must have a bathroom.
you turn the doorknob of the first door you find and miraculously, it is a bathroom.
you clutch onto the counter, letting out a sharp exhale.
one of your hands grips to your stomach while you continue taking deep breaths.
in for 4. hold for 7. out for 8. you repeat.
a breathing technique that hamzah had taught you.
you hear the doorknob rattle. before you can say anything, the door is being launched open.
âoh shit! sorry!â, you hear a familiar voice as the door is being pulled closed again. âwait- y/n?â
the voice belonged to mandy. hamzahâs bestfriendâs girlfriend. you forgot that her and martin were from ottawa. they mustâve known the host of the party.
she steps inside, shutting the door behind her.
âare you okay? whatâre you doing here? i havenât seen you in so long.â she pulls you into a hug.
âyeah iâm here with some guy iâve been seeing. but i saw hamzah and just needed to take a sec.â you explain during your embrace.
she pulls away, looking in your eyes.
âdid he see you?â
âno, he was facing the other direction.â
âoh okayâ, she nods and looks down.
âyeah. i havenât seen him since we ended things so, it gave me a bit of panic attack.â you chuckle awkwardly.
âiâm sorry, y/n. break ups suck.â she pauses, âwhen i went through my first break up, i saw my ex at an amusement park about a month after. and i got so upset, i threw up in front of one of those stupid basketball games where you can win a big teddy bear.â
you laugh at her story, âseriously?â
âyes! it was so bad, the worker ended up giving me one of those huge bears out of pity!â she exclaims.
once your laughter dies down, mandy breaks the silence once again.
âhe still talks about you, you know. every once in a while.â
every once in a while. you had thought of him every single day.
âevery once in a while?â
âyeah. seems like most of the time itâs too hard for him to talk about. but sometimes, he canât help himself.â
maybe he did think of you as often as you did.
âanywayâ, she continues, âwhose this new guy?â
she smirks teasingly.
âugh. mandy, heâs so boring! but heâs so nice! heâs just- heâs nothing like hamzah. i donât know- heâs really sweet, itâs just not, exciting? i guess?â
she nods. âwell, if you want my advice..i say you shouldnât stay with someone just because theyâre nice to you. a lot of people are nice. only a few people will make you feel âsparksâ or whatever.â
you nod understandingly.
god you missed talking to her.
âi gotta get back to martin but if you want to talk to hamzah, he went out on the balcony. and letâs not have to run into each other at a random party to catch up again, âkay? text me.â
âokay.â you hug her tightly, âweâll go for coffee soon.â
she smiles before exiting the bathroom.
you look into the mirror, trying to decide if going out on the balcony is a good idea.
âfuck it.â you whisper to yourself.
you didnât know when youâd ever get the opportunity to speak to hamzah again. you had to go out on that balcony.
you walk out of the bathroom, sneaking past matthew who was still deep in conversation.
turning the corner past the main room, you find the sliding glass door to the balcony.
there he is. alone. sat on the small balcony, lighting a joint that hangs between his lips.
with his camo hat he wore a pair of dark wash jeans and white t-shirt.
you take a deep breath before reaching to slide open the door.
his head instantly whips towards you, his eyes widening a bit.
âhi.â you break the silence. you feel awkward. what are you supposed to say to someone youâve been completely heartbroken over for the last six months?
âhey.â his eyes soften as he speaks.
âi, um- ran into mandy. she told me you were out here.â you explain to him.
he nods slowly. âcome sit.â he pats the space on the floor next to him.
you do as he says. plopping onto the ground and pulling your knees to your chest.
he takes a drag from the joint between his fingers before pulling it out and handing it over to you. you two had shared a joint countless times during your relationship, making the action feel natural.
you bring the joint to your lips, sucking on it for a few seconds before blowing out the smoke and handing it back to him.
âhowâve you been?â he asks.
his voice was calm. you wondered how he could act so nonchalant in this situation.
âiâve been okay. schoolâs been stressful.â you say, trying to avoid ranting about the emotional turmoil youâve experienced since you two separated. âhow about you?â
âgood. just working a lot. martin and i upload multiple times a week now and run the merch ourselves so itâs been busy, but itâs fun.â his face lights up as he talks about it. heâd always been passionate about his career.
âthatâs great, hamzah. i still remember when you had him up on that cracked screen just to have him on the pod.â you laugh.
âoh god, it was a shit show trying to get that thing to run properly.â he chuckles at the memory.
it falls silent for a moment.
âyou still gonna become a journalist?â he asks, cocking his head to the side while looking at you.
âthatâs the plan, yeah.â you answer.
âgood. you were always good with words.â
âyeah?â you smile.
âof course, itâs why i was always calling you smarty pants.â
you chuckle at the nickname youâd forgotten about.
âi thought you were calling me that because of my attitude.â since childhood, you were teased for being bit of a know it all.
âi mean- yeah that was part of it.â he laughs, âbut it was mostly because of that big brain of yours.âhe taps his pointer finger to your temple.
âwell, i donât feel very smart these days.â you admit. âmy grades have been slipping.â
âseriously? how come?â
âjust had a rough last couple months.â you try to remain vague.
âyour new guy not keeping you happy?â
your eyes widen. how did he know about matthew?
âdid you see me with him inside?â
âyeah. i was about to walk into the kitchen when i saw you two together.â
you exhale deeply. âoh, uh. sorry about that.â
âanswer my question, y/n.â his voice was low, serious.
âwhat?â your voice tinged with confusion.
âare you happy?â
you think for moment. you could lie, tell him youâre happy, let him believe that youâve moved on. but everything in you wants to be honest with him.
âiâm trying to be.â you respond quietly before taking the joint from his hands and up to your mouth once again.
his eyes were glued to you as pushed the smoke from your mouth, like he was studying your face.
âthat guyâs not right for you.â he shook his head as he spoke.
âhamzah, you donât know him.â youâre not sure why you feel the need to defend matthew but you do.
âi can see what kind of guy he isâthe kind that canât even begin to grasp the complexity to you.â he explains.
âyouâre high, hamzah. and youâre jumping to conclusions.â, you shift your position on the ground, âbased on looks, might i add. didnât they teach you not to do that in elementary school? the whole donât judge a book by its cover thing? did you tune that part out?â you say as you stand from your spot. it pained you how well hamzah could read people- how accurate his description of matthew was.
âbaby all this rambling makes it seem like youâre avoiding the truthâthat heâs not good enough for you. and youâre not happy. i mean has he even noticed how long youâve been gone?â
you forgot how stubborn this man could be.
you let out a defeated sigh. âitâs none of your business, really. and youâre right, iâve been gone too long. i should get back to him.â
you steal the joint from his hand and take one last drag before you start to walk back towards the sliding glass door. you hear hamzah rise to his feet behind you.
ây/n, wait.â
you turn around, facing towards him again. âyeah?â
âiâm sorry. i shouldnât have said that.â he apologizes.
âsâokay.â, you shrug your shoulders. âit was nice running into you.â
he nods agreeably.
you turn back around, beginning to accept that this was it. your last few seconds with him before you were back to no contact.
your hand reaches the sliding glass door, about to pull the door open when you hear hamzahâs voice once again.
ây/n, donât go.â
donât go.
âwhat?â you question, furrow your eyebrows.
he takes slow steps toward you, ditching his joint by throwing the remains of it to the floor.
he keeps walking towards you until youâre just a foot apart. he grabs your hand, pulling you to him and shifting your bodies so your lower back rested the black metal railing of the balcony as he stood directly in front of you.
his face was inches from yours. you could so easily lift your head and kiss him.
âcome back to my apartment with me.â he whispered.
âwhy would i do that?â you replied, feeling the pace of your breath quicken due to the close proximity.
âbecause you miss me.â the corner of his mouth upturned into a cocky smirk. âand i miss you.â
you were speechless. all you could do was stare into his eyes, trying to decipher whether or not those words had actually just left his mouth.
you swallow harshly before speaking, âiâm here with someone else, hamzah. iâm going home with him.â
you try to stand your ground, but god you wanted to give in.
he scrunches his nose and shakes his head as he places his hands on the metal railing behind you, trapping you between his arms.
âbut he doesnât know you like i do.â
before you can respond, you feel his fingers brush your hair away from the side of your neck.
he places his hands on waist as his head falls to your neck, his plump lips hovering above your skin. your head instinctively leans to the side, giving him full access.
âdoes he know how much you like being kissed right here?â he whispers softly, feeling his lips move on your skin as he speaks.
he presses his lips to place where your neck and shoulder meet, remembering how much this spot had an effect on you.
you shut your eyes in utter satisfaction. you hated how much of an effect he had on you.
you bring your hands to his neck, then weaving your fingers through his curls as he continues kissing, sucking, and nipping at the sweet spots on your neck.
his hands float down, gripping onto your hips- another minuscule touch that he knew drove you crazy.
with his hands on your hips, he pulls your bodies closer. suddenly, the thought of matthew has completely vanished. youâre completely caught up in hamzah, and it felt so good- indulging in his recognizable scent and familiar touch.
you let out a soft moan as his hand falls to your ass, grabbing it shamelessly.
âhamzah, hamzahâ i canât, we canât do this.â you say breathlessly, using your hand to tap on his chest.
hamzah steps back, his breath unsteady as watches you carefully, his gaze lingering on your lips. for a moment, you think he isnât going to say anythingâ that he was just going to turn around and walk away.
but then he leans, his voice low âmeet me outside in five.â his tone carrying both a question and a promise.
you feel a rush of nerves as he walks away, opening the sliding glass door and slipping back into the crowd.
you stay out there for a moment, catching your breath.
you shouldnât go. you know you shouldnât.
but you couldnât stop thinking about the way he looked at you.
a/n: yuppppp part two coming very very soon and itâs gonna pick up right where this leaves off. sorry if this is long and boring, tbh i just needed something to distract myself from everything going on lolâŚk bye muah
#hamzahthefantastic#slushy noobz#hamzah x y/n#hamzah imagines#hamzah x reader#hamzah fic#hamzah#Spotify
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The Music Room
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERSâź- Do Not Read unless you have completed the Dread Wolf's Regrets quest!!!!
AN: I have not finished the game, so I don't know if this will actually be part of my canon yet, but the world is currently awful and I...needed to be making something. But as I said: I have NOT finished the game yet, so if you leave a comment (pls and thank) do NOT write anything with spoilers in it!!!
Okay, on with the show!
~
Rill finds Inquisitor Lavellan sitting at the harpsichord in the music room. All of the other rooms at the Lighthouse had seemed barren when they had first started using it as their base, and even this one had apparently been used as some sort of storage space -there was an alarming amount of cheese for some reason- but the quiet here feels different in a way that is hard to quantify. Peaceful, as opposed to desolate. The light pouring through the windows is always bright in here. Always warm. The murals on the walls were still vivid when they came. Colorful and new. The most prominent one bears the symbol of the Inquisition flanked by howling wolves.
The woman contemplating it does not look like the fearsome hero who closed a hole in the sky and stopped the southern half of the world from falling into chaos, though. She looks small. And tired. And sad.
Rill clears her throat, feeling awkward.
âSo. Not trying to complain or anything, but when you asked to come here, you did say that you could help by giving us insight into Solasâ history and his way of thinking and⌠Well. You were pretty quiet in there while we watched those memories.â
âI know,â Aili sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. âIâm sorry. Iâm just⌠I knew some of it. Bits of things he told me himself. Things I figured outâŚafterwards. And I knew there would be more. More I didnât know. Heâs thousands of years old, so I knew that the story of his life would be more than what he had told me, butâŚâ
âItâs a lot.â Rill hums in agreement.
âBit of an understatement,â Aili snorts. Her gaze drifts down, and she runs her fingers over the instrument in front of her. ââŚI didnât even know he played.â
âSo, tell me what you do know,â Rill says, casually plopping down onto a nearby crate, âItâs probably more helpful than you think.â
âI know⌠I know that he hates tea.â
âRight. Noted. Probably shouldnât offer him any of Lucanisâ coffee either, then.â Rill grins, folding her arms across her chest.
âProbably not,â Aili agrees, returning the smile faintly. âHe has a sweet tooth, though. He loves books. Loves learning. And teaching, too. He was always happy to share stories about places he had been, or spirits he had talked to. He paints beautifully. And he sketches, too. He doesnât laugh very often, but when he does, itâsâŚâ
She trails off, her face creased with grief and faint traces of longing.
âIâm sorry.â She says again.
Rill shakes her head at the apology but gives her a curious look afterwards.
âYou said that Solas was important to you; Iâm guessing you didnât mean that you were just really good friends?â
Aili shrugs.
âI thought that we wereâŚsomething.â She glances around the room again, eyes landing on the mural of the slain dragon and the mourning wolf above it. âNow Iâm not sure if even that was true.â
âIs that something he would lie about?â Rill wonders, her eyebrows ticking upwards, âBecause that would be some valuable insight. He doesnât strike me as the sort to use seduction as a manipulation tactic, but he seems comfortable twisting the truth about everything else, soâŚâ
Aili sits for a moment in silence, frowning in consideration before finally shaking her he in the negative.
âItâs⌠No.â She fumbles briefly. âI know that givenâŚgiven everything weâve seen, it might be hard to believe, but⌠He has a kind heart. Truly. He wants to do the right thing. He believes in justice, and he wants things to be fair. He wants to help people when he sees them suffering. And he blames himself when he canât. He justâŚcomes to the wrong conclusions, sometimes, and he struggles to ask for help when he needs it. He⌠There would be no reason to -no point- in lying about his feelings for me. I was already his friend, and I took his advice seriously. He had my ear and my protection. He wouldnât get anything out of it unless his intention was to be needlessly cruel, andâŚheâs not like that. He isnât.â
âThen why were you doubting that you had something?â
âItâsâŚcomplicated.â Aili sighs. âItâs about time, I think. Or at least, part of it is. He feels things deeply. Passionately. Even if you canât tell which words heâs telling you are true, you can always tell when something matters to him. And this place⌠Mythal is everywhere. In every mural. In every room. Statues. Paintings. Symbols. Everything is about her. For her. Even now. Even after taking Flemmethâs power and essentially killing her himself. His love for her, whatever shape or form it might have had, has colored every aspect of his life since the beginning of the world. And compared to thatâŚâ
She taps a single key on the harpsichord, letting out a high clear note.
âMythal is the All-Mother. The Protecter. The bright and beguiling moon. And IâŚI am barely a candle flame.â
âYouâre the Inquisitor. The Savior of the South. People still call you the âHerald of Andraste.â You disbanded the Inquisition, and still managed to bring enough people together to hold back the darkspawn hordes while I fight the gods up here in the North. I think you might be selling yourself a bit short.â Rill says with a curl of her lips, trying to be kind.
âThere will always be heroes, just as there will always be despots. Iâm hardly unique in that respect.â Aili replies, striking another key. âA puny mortal striking back at false gods probably reminded him of his own past. His own struggles. Maybe that was it. Maybe thereâs even something about me that made him think of Mythal. I donât know. I donât know what he saw in me. Or thought he saw. But look around. There are a few Inquisition symbols in this room, but beyond that⌠There is no trace of me in this place. Nothing he held onto. Nothing he felt was worth keeping.âÂ
Rill frowns. Fidgeting with her hands. Itching to pull out a blade to play with, but uncertain if the move would been seen as a threat.
âSorry.â She offers after a few moments of silence. âI try not to talk to him very often, for obvious reasons. Itâs still a bit creepy, if Iâm being honest. Even if I did, though, I donât think his romantic life would be something heâd be keen to tell me about.â
âItâs not your fault,â Aili assures her with a smile that does not reach her eyes, âHe wasnât keen to tell me either.â
âThe Fadeâs a funny place, though,â Rill says, gesturing at their surroundings, âIâm not always sure which bits of the things weâve found here are from Solas, and which things we brought along ourselves. Lucanis found a book he used to read as a kid. Harding says she can smell her momâs cooking sometimes. Neve said she can hear the sea when she wakes up in the mornings. Things like that, you know?â
The Inquisitor nods.
âNot surprising, given the nature of this place and the person who built it.â Aili says. âThis was a refuge. For spirits and slaves fleeing tyranny. And for Solas himself, too. It wants to be welcoming. It wants you to feel safe.â
âIt was different when we got here, though.â Rill tells her. âBit empty. Bit sad. Lonely, almost.â
âSounds like Solas,â Aili sighs, something close to exasperated fondness.
âThis room thoughâŚâ Rill sits up straighter, turning her head to glance at the sunlight painting patterns on the already painted walls. âIt was always like this. It may be small and tucked away, but itâs honestly one of my favorite places in the Lighthouse. Itâs always a little warmer in here. The sunâs always shining through the windows. The quiet in here feels likeâŚcomfort. Like home.â
âI feel like youâre trying to lead me somewhere, but Iâm not sure where it is,â Aili chuckles.
âWell, you said it yourself, didnât you?â Rill grins back at her, âThis is the only room with Inquisition symbols in it.â
Aili blinks. Makes a face.
âThere are also murals of Mythal in here. Because sheâs everywhere.â
It is Rillâs turn to sigh.
âMaybe she is. Maybe he couldnât escape from her. Maybe he never will. What she did. What she made him do. What was done to her. But the library with all his memories of her is big and dark and gloomy. And the statues of her are stiff and aloof and cold. And the little room upstairs he shoved a cot into to sleep isâŚjust depressing, really.â
 She catches the older womanâs gaze. Holds it.
âItâs called the Lighthouse, but the beacon at the top isnât where the light is. Itâs not in some huge memorial room dedicated to Mythal. Itâs here. Thereâs a chair with your seal on it, almost waiting for you to sit and watch him play. Thereâs the paintings on the walls. Thereâs⌠Look, when did this become me telling you about the Dread Wolfâs heart?â
âI have no idea,â Aili laughs in earnest this time.
âReally though, this is a good room. I like to sit and read by the windows in here sometimes. The light in here always makes be think of summer afternoons. The air has a sweetness to it, too. Something flowery. Heather, maybe. Or Lavender.â
Aili starts, her eyes going wide.
âWhatâs wrong?â Rill asks.
âYou said it smells like lavender in here?â
âYeah. Why?â
âItâsâŚthe soap I use. For my hair. I always have.â
âWell, there you have it!â Rill grins in triumph. âHe kept your memory here. Away from his regrets. Somewhere bright and happy. WellâŚas happy as Solas gets, anyway. Not too bad for a candle flame, eh?â
Aili laughs again.
âThank you, Rook.â
#dragon age: the veilguard#spoilers#solavellan#Rook#Aili Lavellan#Rill#fic#every solavellan crumb i get makes me want to go outside and howl at the moon#i miss these idiots so much#they make me want to chew glass#(affectionate)
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Okay so I saw the post about Radha, Raj, and Amrita and I want to say something about it but I am afraid to contradict some of the people because they seem a bit unreasonable and would attack you for your opinion. The also are insulting people who agree with it. So I am going to explain why that person said what they did or potentially why. This comes from somebody who is an avid reader I read visual novel games, fanfiction, and books I have 10 plus years of reading with critical thinking of details in stories and understanding of characters.
Okay letâs start with the whole Radha is groomed I am of the opinion that did not happen based on how the Basu family is described. You think Vidya, Doran, or Sara would allow Raj to live if any of them believed he manipulated and used Radha for his gain. Grooming victims are described as being naive easy to manipulate that is not Radha at all she is being taught how to become a leader in time when women in power were looked down upon. You think part of her education from Vidya wasnât about being able to spot manipulations from men who would want to use her and manipulate her. You think Radha wouldnât do anything to a man who thought he could use her as an example of why not to mess with her like what Sara did to Rati when Rati insulted Sara. To me to say that Radha is a victim of grooming by Raj is an insult to Radha and her intelligence and her capabilities of being a leader you are saying that when a good looking guy comes into the picture all of Radhaâs training disappears. My interpretation of how this relationship started was that it happened when Devi was in Bombay which made Radha 18 when this relationship started I canât find information on how old Raj is but the oldest I think he is is 30 which is not a great look but from the interaction that we see while they are at the mountain retreat is that Raj is trying to end their relationship because even though BOTH of them have feelings for one another it is not the time for their families bloodlines to unite Radha is the one who says no letâs continue this affair in secret because I am what you want and we should be together. In grooming relationships the groomer has all the power in this relationship it looks like equal partnership with them. Also we know that Sara and Radha believe that men are tools for their entertainment you think a women who think men are like animals for their amusement can be manipulated and controlled by one. You guys donât think Sara wouldnât kill Raj if he groomed and used Radha her twin Sara straight up killed someone to protect Radhaâs secret which means that Sara knows that BOTH Radha and Raj went into this willingly together. I want everyone to know that in my opinion guys Vidya knows about Raj and Radha. When Vidya tells Raj you are practically like family to me she is saying that she knows Raj is the one who got her daughter pregnant and she is not happy at all. I believe that part of the reason there is tension between the Basus and Doobays is because Vidya knows about the affair and is mad at both Raj and Radha then that anger multiplies when Radha gets pregnant. I also believe the reason that Vidya is not passing the reins to Radha is because she knows about the affair with Raj and believes that Radha needs more training before she becomes leader of the dozen and the Basu family. Vidya loves her daughters and I get the impression that if anyone hurt or used her daughter she would kill them no matter what and I guarantee that Doran would be there to help Vidya.
Let us move on to another topic people who say that Radha owes Amrita nothing. You do remember that Amrita is/was friends with the Basu twins. Which means that Radha slept and had a relationship with a friendâs fiancĂŠ. I could never justify doing that to someone who was a friend to me. Also the reason that Amrita is not close to her friends is the fact she is engaged and is learning about her future role along with getting to know her future husband. I also donât understand how Raj can get to know his fiancĂŠ as a person and continue seeing someone else. Raj has hurt Amrita she knows that Raj doesnât love her and she will be trapped in an loveless marriage, but can you imagine the pain of knowing that someone who was friends with you was sleeping with your fiancĂŠ behind your back and your fiancĂŠ cares about them more than you. I also love Radha as a character but I can hate and be critical of her choices this is what makes her multi dimensional and a fascinating character making her a victim of grooming makes her more flat and not as interesting of an character. I also believe that everyone missed the point of what the poster of the post was saying Radha and Raj are BOTH to blame for this situation they both knew better but continued it and now there is fallout because of their actions. Radha and Raj both hold blame on this no one forced this relationship they both willingly went along with it. Raj being the older one who also wanted to stop his relationship with Radha should have stuck to his original intentions Raj is older and is already a leader he knew better then to continue the affair, but it doesnât excuse Radha because when she became older and almost became the the official leader Radha knew better as well then to continue her affair with Raj. Amrita is truly the only one who has no blame in this and everyone loves to hate on her when in reality Amrita is a victim in this and is going to experience unbelievable pain and betrayal from this. Some people missed the point on the post both Radha and Raj deserve equal blame in all of this no one is saying Raj is an angel because he is not but not enough people point that out the fact that Radha is 23 when she gets pregnant she knows better then to continue this affair and face possible repercussions of her affair with Raj. People treat Radha like she was forced against her will to be in this relationship when she wasnât at all Raj and Radha were equal partners in their relationship. Therefore the both hold equal blame for what happened. Radha is no angel and that is okay because no one is in this story is and that is what makes everything so interesting.
Well that's a big confession đ¤Ż
Sorry but we cannot edit such a big confession, even if we try would be a mess ( fun fact: we did try and turn out to be 5 images đŹ)
This is something to have in mind before sending a confession, the length of the confession shouldn't excess 100 words, thanks!
-mod lyn
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Random DotF musings pt. 1
(spoilers for the whole book)
A Savior Lost - Ardyn:
So I uh totally forgot there was an "animated prologue" to Ep Ardyn. I did watch it...back in 2019. That means between Episode Ardyn, the animated prologue and DotF, his story has been told thrice in three different forms. Huh. (Well it's par the course for FFXV tbh)
It starts off rough tbh, but I like how the author reminds us of Noct's "shaggy hair and wayward nature" in the opening paragraph. Then you realise it's set in chapter 13 so any slight amusement - at Noct's expense - becomes đ
I've had DA brainrot, so the justice (Somnus) vs. vengeance (Ardyn) themes stood out. In executing his ideals of justice and governance, Somnus corrupts Ardyn's purpose (his calling) and leads him on the path of vengeance... Culminating in Ardyn doing unto Noctis/Somnus what Somnus did him: 1) Somnus slaying Aera before Ardyn vs. Ardyn stabbing Luna in Altissia, and ofc 2) Ardyn vowing to destroy Somnus' entire legacy and lineage (through Noctis), much like how Ardyn's past as the "savior healer and future king" was demolished/buried and how his wondrous future (as king with Aera by his side) was cut short. This all seems v obvious, but it sounds cool to me when framed with DA's concepts of spirits vs demons - i.e. "if you see them as a demon, they'll become demons and reflect your expectations back at you".
Also obv Jesus/Judas parallels
The last line goes hard âď¸đĽđĽđĽ
Now, the train has clearly steered off the rails of canon and into new territory
Not a fan of them casting Bahamut as the big bad antagonist (so clichĂŠ). Like the way his speech (as an Astral) is formatted though
It's easier for me to accept the Noctis/Somnus and Luna/Aera parallels in 2024 than it was back in 2019. But even more important than those are the Ardyn/Luna parallels, which we can see taking shape in this part.
Verdict: A slog to read, denser than expected, less exciting bc I've experienced Ep Ardyn - and the animated prologue. Certain parts felt more like reading a "dry impassive timeline" than a story. (I still question Aera's judgement in telling Somnus.) But this chapter does set the stage, so I can see why they still included it. And it's worth re-treading for that last scene alone.
The Beginning of the End - Aranea:
There's anti-food promotion for once, too much of it really. (Ew stale popcorn)
We learn a little bit of Niflheim's past state and its decline. Cool
Omg mentions of Aranea's parents!? Do we know more about her parents than Iggy's?? đ
Wow they have an aerial safety net system in Gralea (for dragoons...?) Also, Gralea đ Garlean empire - yeah the ff devs weren't subtle (it's a FFXIV ref)
Aranea's penchant for nicknames strikes again -> Tiny = Diamond Weapon
I liked seeing more of Aranea's dynamic with Biggs and Wedge and learning a bit about the latter two. Not as much Aranea + Sol in this ch as I'd expected, but that's okay for now.
While not quite as impressive as [ME2 spoiler] Miranda giving her resignation to the Illusive Man, Aranea going "I really can't stand you" to Ardyn, winking, then diving off the edge of Zegnautus Keep is still pretty awesome
The ffxv devs keep trying to make me care about Loqi but it's never worked
BONUS: FFVI ref spotted! (dancing mad) + minor Tenebrae lore drop (they were a tourist trap /jk)
Verdict: Some parts were repetitive ngl BUT this was more engaging than the prev ch bc 1) it's new content, 2) ARANEA!! - however the action scenes would've been more exciting to play through vs. reading. I'm going to sound like a broken record here; I feel robbed we didn't get to play as her (DRG ladies ftw) and see her wink on screen đĽ˛
#what's brevity? i don't know her#lyna reads dotf#dawn of the future#final fantasy xv#dotf#dotf spoilers#ardyn izunia#aranea highwind#i have too much to say about luna sol and noct - so pt 2 it is
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Iâm so SAD. But the hardest part is everything is just boring now đ.
Iâm a multi shipper at heart, started watching 911 for buddie (I thought it was a cannon ship, turns out Iâd gotten it confused with Tarlos). But was barely in fandom, and then when Bi buck happened I was so excited and spent that first week reading both types of fics loving the boost in content. But, I really really quickly realized I had to block a ton of negative Nancys and without really meaning too started following almost exclusively bucktommy blogs.
Iâve had to take a break from that content for a while to deal with the breakup - so Iâve temporarily unfollowed a lot of blogs while the initial shock and anger is going on. I know that eventually Iâll be able to enjoy it again, although this may be a show I stop watching I donât plan on abandoning the fandom for now.
So now my dash is so blank, and I got rid of all my other social media after Tuesday. I literally have nothing to fill my time right now!!!! Itâs so damn boring. I need another hyper-fixation quick before my mental health nose dives.
Hi!
I'm giving you a warm hug. We had the rug pulled out from under us and I'm positive I am getting the least of the bvddie heat out most of the people I follow.
It's sad. It sucks.
It was astronomically bad writing and did not fit with the entire rest of the arc they gave us in canon.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I will tell you that last night I finally started listening to Fourth Wing while I prepped food for my weekend getaway, because at least I know it's gonna emotionally destroy me. After that I read some comfort fic from another fandom from my bookmarks, pet my dogs, drank some water, and went to bed.
We all get emotionally invested in things that don't have an end date when we start. It's just a facet of humanity that is so hopeful and beautiful and often bites us in the ass. Don't feel badly for feeling upset today, tomorrow, or in the future, when you thought you'd moved past it but something pings a memory - but grieve it, remember it for the joy it brought you, and try to move past it.
Some people will probably stick around. Inevitably some people will decide it is best for them to fully disengage. I'll be here, somewhere in the middle. So what's best for you. Take comfort in knowing that however long we were in this we were here together.
Drink some water, watch a comfort movie, find a book or show or movie that catches your attention. Cry about it if you need to.
Curate your community in a way that makes sense for you.
I've genuinely enjoyed getting to talk to and create for and cheer for the fic and art bucktommys created. I have discovered old friends and new ones because of it. I'm excited to see where they go next.
But right now it really sucks and it's okay to sit in that for a bit. I hope you can find the right balance and that the boring shifts into something that sparks joy for you.
âĽď¸
#catie for ts#bucktommy#and also block the shit out of anyone and anything that doesn't spark joy#this is my space not a space for people to be absolute fucking cunts#i'll block and delete shit at my leisure
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randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy
#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition#i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is#3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months#(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it)#anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months#however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well#let's just say i have not been making art at all#that might change soon tho#rn i'm reading ćé (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far#idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it#or even reading it#especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO#but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all#it was initially an exercise of âi will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a dayâ but i've been zipping through chapters#last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself#of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily#that being said...this all does mean i know words like ćśéĺ° before i even know the word for âorangeâ (the color) which is pretty funny#but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good#i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things#god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage#sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with#oh also it's my birthday#that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place#happy lan wangji birthday#actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart#and then remembered that we share the same birthday#also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved#and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there#actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made#sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done
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i think of all the books i've ever read, le père goriot takes the prize for taking the longest to get interesting, as it doesn't happen until the very last sentence. i'm just bopping along for over 400 pages of whatever and then he slaps me in the face with the last sentence and immediately peaces out. okay you got my attention, just in time to throw it away. respect.
#i'm now reading all the front and back matter and having a great time#this is maybe the best part of reading the classics: reading the essays about the classics#i did not know before i started reading this book that it's part of a series of 90 novels and novellas about the same characters đ#the editor keeps referencing the others and i'm like. i'm not reading those but i'm happy for you. or sorry that happened#anyway the point is that le père goriot is kind of the backstory for this one character who does a bunch of shit in later books#and the last line of this book is his like. looking up from his dead wife's body covered in blood and vowing revenge moment#not really. it's his girlfriend's dad's body but whatever#the point is that he doesn't become an interesting character to me until the last shot when suddenly the words#EUGENE DE RASTIGNAC WILL RETURN IN: ILLUSIONS PERDUES#appear on the screen. aw! but i'm not gonna watch that!#literature#my posts#this is a tad unfair because some of balzac's prose especially at the beginning of the book is incredibly elegant and incisive#it actually reminded me a lot of jane austen#i just didn't care about the characters until the very end :/#this is making me want to read some scholarship on the use of cliffhangers in the episodic publication model of the 19th century#cuz like. he must have done this on purpose to get the newspaper to pay for the sequel. right?
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the broken kingdoms is like the opposite of middle book syndrome. it was so good; a big step up from the hundred thousand kingdoms, tbh. i'd stopped mid-kingdom of gods bc it wasn't really holding my interest, read several other books in the interim, and have now come back to it, aaaand.... it's still not really holding my interest so much............ sigh. i do want to know how this all works out in the end, but unfortunately it looks getting there could still be a bit of a chore.
#tre reads#the inheritance trilogy#nk jemisin#tbf part of this is kind of my fault for reading her works so out of order lmao#black future month was the first; then broken earth; then... i think great cities came before dreamblood...?... and now inheritance#it's almost perfectly in reverse order lol (barring the jump forward in time for great cities ofc)#so it 100000% makes sense that her writing got... not bad exactly but. less polished...??? the further back i've gone#there's also like. so many things about inheritance that remind me of like. prototypes almost of broken earth stuff tbh#and i feel like she did them much much better in broken earth so i keep directly comparing them in my mind and that's not helpful either lo#(might even make a post about that at some point tbh)#although upon looking just now it does seem that i'm closer to the end of the kingdom of gods than i thought i was#only about 200 more pages and then the rest of the omnibus is the novella which i forgot about#((also holy shit what did sieh do to the glossary for kingdom of the gods i'm--))#so maybe i'll just keep on powering through here........... -w-#at least eventually ahaha. we'll see. <3#i'm also just starting two other new books simultaneously lmao so who knows what my brain will feel like continuing tomorrow !!!#but for now i shall be off to other things ahahaha
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Play fighting with Boxer!Sukuna
Note: Reader is referred to as girlfriend at one point.
Masterlist
âBabe.â
âNot right now.â
âBabe.â
âSukuna, I promise Iâll be done with this book soon.â
He huffed and fell back onto the couch. He had been trying to get your attention for the past 30 minutes but you were adamant on finishing your book. This is all the fault of that damn community book club your coworker recommended you join. Now whenever, youâre off work and Sukuna doesnât have to train, youâre reading. Usually the two of you spent almost all your spare time together but now you spent half of it reading your newest book for your weekly discussion. You always did your best to spoil him with kisses and cuddles but it was never enough.
Book club be damned, he needed you to be superglued to his side every single second.
âMy girlfriend has a side man and heâs made of paper.â He huffed to himself as he watched you intently read. What was so great about your book anyway? Was it worth ignoring your gorgeous (and shirtless) boyfriend? He even had a tattoo of your name on his left pec and you were still choosing to smother a book with your attention.
Sukunaâs wallowing turned him creative- he stood in front of you, trying to make sure your guard was down. You didnât look up which meant that you were still engrossed in your book. His hand swooped in and swiftly snatched the book from you. âSukuna.â you groaned. âGive it back, I was at a good part.â You got up to grab it from him but he raised it above his head. âKiss me.â You glared at him and gave him a quick peck on his lips. âDone, now give it.â
âNo.â He nonchalantly replied. âBut I kissed you.â You wondered why he was being particularly irritating today.
âThat was me begging for a morsel of your attention. Now cuddle me if you want it.â He said and cheekily smirked.
You ignored him and hopped trying to get your book. Sukuna simply dodged your sad attempts and laughed every time you missed. âI donât even know why youâre trying.â You gave him a pointed look at his comment.
âOkay, fine, you can have your book if you beat me in a fight.â
âWhat? That makes no sense.â You couldnât believe this man. âIt seems like a fair challenge to me.â He said as he walked to a particularly high shelf and placed your book on top of it. âYou know I can just use my stepping stool for that, right?â You said before scoffing at him.
âThen itâs a good thing I hid it.â His sarcastic smile was now pissing you off. âBut you literally fight for a living. You have the upper hand.â
âIâm in love with you. Use that as a distraction. Come on, letâs go to the ring.â You were speechless as he dragged you to the fighting âringâ (also known as your bedroom).
Since you had a smaller frame than him, he agreed to let you have the first hit. You sighed and braced yourself. You didnât have much of a strategy except for charging at him with such a high speed that heâd fall on the bed and would accept defeat.
But as soon as you were in close distance, he caught both your arms, turned you around and threw you on the bed. He didnât give you a second to get up before he straddled you. âHaha!â He exclaimed. Seeing you all riled up underneath him was a sight he was used to but it never failed to awe him.
âFeels familiar, doesnât it?â He asked as he began to lower himself to face you. âThis is so unfair! Youâre like 200 pounds, I canât even move you.â You said as you tried to push him off. Sukuna grabbed your hands that were fighting him and he playfully wrestled them. Who knows what wouldâve happened if he used his real strength.
Thank goodness for your quick thinking because you remembered that Sukuna was extremely ticklish so you pulled your hand out of his grasp with all the strength you could muster up and started poking his sides. âBabe!â He yelled before toppling over to his side. It was your turn to straddle him and before you could pin his arms beside his head, he caught yours and pulled you down to him. He wrapped his muscular arms around you and tucked your head under his chin. Your cheeks were mushed against the very tattoo of your name.
You were literally stuck in one position. The more you tried to move the tighter heâd hold you. âSukuna, you cheater. Why do I always do this to myself?â You sighed, accepting defeat.
Sukuna kissed your forehead and laid you both on your sides, still not letting you go. âSweet, sweet victory.â He whispered to himself.
-â˘-
I need to be (lovingly) smothered by a beefy nerd. Someone like Clark Kent.
#sukuna ryoumen x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#sukuna fluff#sukuna x reader#sukuna smut#jjk sukuna#sukuna ryomen#sukuna#sukuna ryoumen x reader#sukuna ryoumen smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk au#jjk fluff#jjk#jjk fanfic#jujustu kaisen#jujutsu sukuna#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen
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everyone needs to read this right mf now! PLEASE!
try again
part 0.4. NEXT TIME
"the playground seemed so big when they were younger. and now theyâre here again, 10 years later, and it looks small. their world is bigger than just this playset now. the metal that forms the foundation of the structure is still a shiny, vibrant red, but the cracked, faded plastic shows its age. where has time gone? 'who are you now?' she wants to ask. as a kid, time goes by slowly, and you tell your parents you canât wait to grow old. they tell you to enjoy your childhood, but you never believe them. and even now, sheâs not sure she does. she's not old, but old enough to know time goes by fast. since their meeting in her office, sheâs reflected more on how sheâs grown up. she doesnât miss her childhoodâ she likes the freedom that has come with adulthood, but at the same time, itâs slowly weighing her down. sheâs old enough, that she can no longer spend her summers relaxed in a quiet house, laying in bed all day with the door open while both her parents are at work. she can't spend the nights stretched out on her back, against wet, dewy grass, looking at the stars with him while staining her favorite shirt. now she has responsibilities to take care of every day, and any little mistake can no longer be taken back. sheâs an adult now, and no one is there to pick her up when she falls."
content warnings + notes: calling atsumu a little cupid whore (/lh), drinking, y/n is having a crisis, pay attention to unsent messages :) very long written part... oops </3
she downs the last of her glass in one go.Â
itâs cheap whiskey, and she hates the taste. itâs probably the worst sheâs ever had, but the burn down her throat is a little pleasant.Â
completely going against her plan to drink something light, she decided she would need some liquid courage if she was going to do this. her hands are splayed across the cold bar counter as she stands from her chair, mind buzzing a little as she grounds herself.Â
akaashi doesnât notice her absence in his drunken state, but iwaizumi does. kita looks up as well, but remains seated, keeping akaashi company after nodding to iwaizumi who stands up.
âwhere are you going?â he asks following her out of the bar, pushing past a few groups of people in their way. he's not asking it like he's accusing her of anything, he just sounds concerned.
but he doesnât need to worry, and she faces him as they make it out. âgoing to see omi,â she practically sings the answer, her voice careless as the nickname spills out of her mouth before she even realizes it. it comes too naturally to her, and the thought ruins the nice numbness in her veins from the alcohol. instead, she starts to feel the guilt build up again.
iwaizumi still stands in front of her, arms crossed, matching her own stance. âyouâre going to see sakusa?â he repeats, brows raised.
âmhm,â she hums, shifting from one foot to the other. her shoes are starting to bother her, too. she'll probably take them off as soon as iwaizumi lets her go.
âwhere?â
she sighs, starting to feel restless just standing there. the warm lights and ruckus from inside the bar invite her back in, and so does the pull she feels in the opposite direction down the street, where she'll see him. âan old park, can i go?â
âno, hold on,â he stops her before she can even take a step, âyouâre going to go meet a man you havenât talked to in years after a single interaction at a park this late at night?â
âyes?â she quirks a brow at him, âitâs an old park we used to go to a lot. itâs not far from here and i know him. iâll be okay.â
âiâm not saying sakusaâs going to do anything to you, but iâm not letting you walk there alone. especially when youâve been drinking. let me make sure you get there safely and then iâll leave you, deal?â he proposes, and she sees how much he cares in his eyes. theyâre a pretty olive green and despite how sharp they are, thereâs so much love in them. it reminds her of her own eyes, and how she feels when she looks at sakusa; her head starts to panic in alarm and get defensive, but at the same time, her heart slows down, as if telling her he's safe.
she knows iwaizumi makes a good point, and thereâs nothing wrong with having a little extra safety, or a human purse. âfine,â she sighs, âbut only if you hold my shoes.â
their walk to the park is silent, but itâs a peaceful silence. sheâs walking next to him barefoot, feeling even shorter than before. he questions her a few times, to make sure she actually knows where sheâs going, and she insists that she does. sheâs had a little bit to drink, yes, but sheâs not drunk. and she's confident she could still find her way to this park blindfolded. sheâs walked these sidewalks hundreds of times, ran to this park from every direction and route possible. it was always their spot, whether they lay in the wet grass or sat on the playset. the memories of being with him back then make her feel a little grim, and iwaizumi looks down at her, noticing.
âyou okay?â he asks, nudging her shoulder closest to him with his arm.
âyeah,â she sighs, watching the way her shoes clank against each other in his hand with every step they take.
âwhatâre you thinking?â he asks, still looking down at her and she looks back up at him.
âi just donât know what iâm doing,â she says, trying to voice her feelings while she turns to stare back ahead of them. âwhat are we gonna do? what does he like doing now? what if iâve changed and he doesnât like who i am anymore? i'm so scared of disappointing him.â
âyouâre good enough as you are, y/n,â he silences her and she glances back at him in surprise. âdonât let a man change how you see yourself. youâre good as you are, and if he doesnât think so, he can fuck off. there's no such thing as an expectation or a right way for you to act. heâs probably changed too, and thatâs just how people work. did he text you or did you text him?â
she gives him a smile at his words, nudging him back with her shoulder as a way of thanking him, âhe texted me.â
he gives her a grin at that, âhe texted you? asking to see you?â when she nods he continues, "damn that's ballsy. he really wants you, y/n. and i hope he's a good person. iâve seen him around and worked a little bit with him, he seems alright.â Â
she flusters a little bit at his words, âiâm sure itâs not like that. we just used to be very good friends, you know that. iâve never stopped missing him, maybe he felt a little bit of the same way.â
he nods at her words, giving a hum in thought. theyâre walking along the fence thatâs been set up around the park, and she can see the entrance coming up, where a lone lamp post is lighting the way. âbut you want him, donât you?â
she knows heâs asking it in a romantic sense, and she does. she knows what she feels for him is more than just friendly, and sheâs felt stupid for never being able to fall in love with anyone else because sheâs been stuck on him this entire time. âiâm happy with anything,â she decides to say, âif we start hanging out again, thatâs enough for me. i just want him to be a part of my life.â
they stop at the park entrance, and she can see the playset from here, just a bit down the path. âdo you want me to walk you there? or are youâre fine from here? i think the walk helped you sober up a little bit, so i feel better about leaving you here now. just make sure you text me if you feel even slightly off, got it?â
âgot it!â she responds with a smile, giving him a small salute as a joke. âthank you for walking me here, iwa. i'll be fine on my own now and iâll text you when i'm walking home.â
he rolls his eyes at the salute but gives her a smile, âsounds good. iâll check in with you then as well. i might come meet you halfway or who knows, maybe your guy will want to walk you home?â
heâs giving her another shitty grin that sheâd like to slap off his face, and itâs her turn to roll her eyes, âwhatever, iwa. see you in a little bit.â
she pulls him into a hug, trying to tell him all her feelings at once, thanking him for his advice and for walking her here, and heâs quick to reciprocate it, rubbing her back for a second before they pull away. he gives her her shoes and waves her off, making sure she steps onto the playground before he leaves, and she sees him.
tonight, it seems theyâll be sitting on the top of the playset, above a tube that connects one platform to another. she steps up onto one of the platforms first, dropping her shoes on it before clambering on top of the structure.
he offers her a hand after watching her (probably ungraceful) climb which she hesitates to take for a second. her heart feels like it's trying to escape her chest as she takes it, the contact sending chills along her skin.
âhi,â she whispers after she's sat down, stealing a glance at him, unsure of where to start.
âhi,â he says back, already looking at her. he looks better than when she saw him last, but perhaps that's just because today has been better for him. there are still bags under his eyes that she can see despite the lack of light around them, but she can also see that his eyes look brighter today. she wants to mention it, say sheâs glad to see that he looks like he's doing well today, but she shouldnât. itâs too earlyâ
âyou look good today.â
the words spill out of her mouth and she immediately slaps a hand over it. she had drank more after texting him purposefully, knowing that it would mess with her ability to reason and this was the consequence, although she wasn't sure yet if it was a positive or negative one.
he laughs in response, giving her a small smile that she hasnât seen in years. she missed seeing it; she missed him.
âthank you,â he says, holding her gaze and sheâs unable to look away, âyou look good too. although maybe a little drunk.â
her cheeks are burning red and she feels hot despite the fact that she was practically shivering the entire way here, latching onto iwaizumi and his body heat. âno iâ wellâ yes, i have been drinking but i didnât mean it that wayâ i mean you do look goodââ she has to take a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, âi meant you look happier today, sorry.â
heâs still looking at her, smiling. and maybe itâs a tiny bit bigger than it was before, and she smiles back.
she has no idea itâs because of herâthat he seems happier today. heâs only just found her again after so many years apart, and yet heâs glad sheâs in his life again. this is only the second time theyâve seen each other after so long, and sheâs already had this big of an impact on him. and maybe it was due to atsumuâs influence, and the way that he kept bringing her up, and how it had been their entire conversation over dinner, but he didnât really care. he was happy to be talking about her again, and to see her again. they had been so close, and it felt strangely nostalgic whenever he saw her, as if he was a child again, tossing and turning on a bed stand, sick to his stomach for home.
but he had been homesick for her this entire time, and he didnât want to talk about her as if their time together had passed; he wanted to be close to her again. but only if she let him: âthat guy you came here with, are you guysââ
âoh, no no no,â she immediately cuts him off, shaking her head before he gets the wrong idea. âheâs just a friend. my roommates and i went out to dinner today and then we went drinking. he just didnât want me to walk here alone.â
he nods, feeling strangely relieved to hear that. âi just came from eating out with my roommates, too. i cut it short because one of them was being annoying.â
she hums in thought, a smile breaking out on her face, âhm, that canât possibly be atsumu, can it?â
he canât even joke back, just rolls his eyes with a sigh at the mention of his friend.
âi just texted him earlier tonight. finally scolded him for setting up that entire meeting between us. i meanâ who even thinks to do something like that?â
âjust him. heâs got one brain cell working for him and itâs got a funny way of working,â sakusa responds, looking forward to the field in front of them. they used to spin around on that field, trying to stay standing the longest before they both fell onto wet grass, too dizzy to keep standing. âi think it worked out nice, but there were definitely other ways he could have planned that out.â
she canât help but look at him, slightly surprised. so he was happy to see her? perhaps she shouldâve understood that by now; here they were sitting side by side on an old playset. âyeah, it did,â she canât help but say, not even thinking twice about agreeing with him. âand if you donât mind me bringing it up, do you think you will come back for a second meeting? i was just wondering.â
âyeah, iâm thinking about it,â he answers, still not looking at her, and she thinks maybe she shouldnât have asked the question. sheâs brought the topic of conversation back to her job, and reminded herself of everything she shouldnât be doing right now. she shouldnât be doing any of this. sheâs looking forward to seeing him in her office again, but she shouldnât. she should be treating him as a client, not as an old face or a silly old crush. and she shouldnât be seeing him outside of the office; it ruins that professional relationship she should be trying to maintain. she's giving into him too easily, even after he had been the one to accuse her of something hurtful upon their first words to each other in years.
a particularly cold wind blows through and she shivers, breathing in sharply as her shoulders raise towards her ears on instinct, trying to protect them from the cold. in her defense, she hadn't foreseen sitting on a playset in the middle of the night today and had not dressed accordingly.
âare you cold?â he asks, hand already reaching towards the open black jacket he was wearing, a plain white shirt underneath.
sheâs looking at him, face completely blank. her mind is so far gone, thinking about countless other things, including every single way this interaction could go. âwhat was she even doing here? why did she agree to come?â the moment he texted her she put up little to no resistance. she lasted one text, trying to set up a boundary between them to prevent herself from getting hurt and then completely dropped it. how could he be so casual about seeing her again? was their friendship something shallow to him? something he could easily replace or come back to?
heâs saying her name, and her mind returns to the boy in front of her, blinking twice before responding, âsorry. i was just thinking about something. iâm fine. you donât need to give me your jacket or anything.â
âbut if i want to?â he asks and this is where she failed last time, and will fail again, and will always fail, because she can never resist him.
âiââ
the jacket is already around her shoulders before she knows it. itâs warm, and the weight of it on top of her shoulders is comforting. the smell of him is enveloping all of her senses and her entire mind, and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to focus on anything but it.
it was simple, and really not that heavy or distinctive of a smell. just clean clothesâhis detergent, and maybe a hint of lemon or lavender. it was easy to get used to, and it had become familiar to her after being around him so long in the past, but she hadnât smelled it in so long, she felt like she was suffocating now. with the smell came so many memories associated with him, and it took everything in her not to let out a shaky breath, giving away her emotions.
he didnât know what to say, looking at her. her chin was resting on top of her knees, pulled up close against her chest, and her eyes were closed, brows furrowed as if she was trying desperately to hold something in. had he come off too strongly? he liked to think he still knew her, could read her mind, tell when she was cold, and when she needed something, but maybe he was wrong, or just moving too fast. maybe she didnât feel the same way, and didnât want to be friends again.
âthanks,â she murmurs finally, eyes opening again, although sheâs staring at the ground below them, and heâs unsure of where to lookâat her, or the ground as well.
âyeah,â he replies, and the conversation falls quiet between them again.
itâs almost comfortable between them. it would be if she wasn't feeling like she was ruining everything and only digging herself a bigger hole. maybe they went quiet because he was sick of her now, and regretted asking to see her. and should she even care or not? should she get up and leave right now? what was the right thing to do right now, objectively? not what was right according to her heart, but according to her head?
she should be keeping her distance from him, not allowing him to get closer, giving him the chance to hurt her again. he had let them get distant, she reminded herself. he had let their friendship crumble without saying a word, he didnât see her the way she saw him, and she couldnât rely on him to be there for her.
âhow are you?â he breaks the silence, and the question sets off every nerve in her body. itâs like her mind is being torn in two, trying to find an answer to the simple question. itâs not really that simpleâ heâs asking it, referring to the last 10 years of her life, and heâs asking her to be vulnerable and share about herself, and she canât do that.
âdonât do that to me,â she says, shutting her eyes again.
âdo what?â heâs looking at her, at his jacket draped around her shoulders, and shoves his hands in his pockets, trying to hold himself back from reaching out to fix her hair, which has been slightly caught underneath the jacket.Â
she lets out a heavy, quiet breath, âdonât ask me thatâ like you care.â
âi do care,â he responds immediately, and sheâs sure if she looked up at him, heâd be looking at her. but if she looks at him, sheâll break.
âwe shouldnât be doing this. we canât be doing this. i shouldnât be seeing you outside of my office. i listened to you talk about your struggles for an hour that you would've otherwise paid for if it wasn't the first meeting. you canât turn around and ask how i am for free. thatâs not fair. we should be nothing more than a therapist and a client. itâs easier for me to look at you that way becauseââ her voice gets caught in her throat for a second as she tries to talk confidently, but her voice gives away her feelings. she sounds like sheâs on the verge of tears before they even reach her eyes, but she blinks through them, âbecause i look at you and still see what we used to be. but so much happened between us, and then you left, and that still hurts.â
âthen will you let me make it up to you? then can we go back to what we were before? and can we be more?â the words are heavy in his head, and too forward to say out loud, but he has to say something. he has to say something now because he didnât say anything back then.
he had always assumed that she had just been disappearing from his life altogetherâfrom his notifications, the school hallways, and his walks home, but he realized now she had done that on purpose. she had purposely removed herself from his life so they would never see each other, and he had never stopped her. of course she hadnât believed him, when he had said it was good to see her in her office, and of course she hadnât fully understood what his ulterior motives were when he texted her out of the blue about wanting to see her again, because he had never showed how much he cared back then. but he had to tell her now that she was worth everything.
âi donât mind paying it,â he ends up saying, and finally gets her to look at him, âi donât mind paying to see you for an hour. iâd pay to be around you anyday, especially if youâre going to refuse to see me anywhere else, then iâll just force you to put up with me for an hour every week.â
she laughs with a shake of her head, âyouâre not forcing me to see you. i want to see you outside of that timeâŚi justâi shouldnât.â
âwhy not?â he canât help but ask. âyouâre still friends with atsumu, too. you text him outside of your appointments all the time.â
âyes butââ i like you more than a friend. hell, iâve been in love with you for the past 10 years of my life. actually, probably for even longer, but whoâs even counting at this pointâ she takes a deep breath again. she should leave soon, and think about this. sheâs going to end up letting him convince her if she keeps listening to him, âmaybe next time. iâll tell you how iâve been next time, okay?â
sheâs giving him a next time, and heâll take whatever he can get. they can start slow again. being her client is like being her acquaintance. people are always acquaintances before theyâre friends; they can grow from here.
"when is next time?" he responds quickly, realizing it sounds like sheâs going to stand up and leave soon, but he's not losing sight of her again.
she avoids looking at him, keeping her knees are pulled to her chest as she picks at the worn-down plastic of the playground tube they're sitting on, "i don't know, sakusa. i really need time to think about all of this. i donât know what iâm doing here, or why i showed up tonight.â
her words feel like a burn in his lungs, but even when his sides are aching on his morning runs, he keeps going. "but you showed up anyway."
she finally looks at him, and he swears he could get lost in her eyes forever. he canât believe he went through their entire friendship without telling her how beautiful she was, in every single way. he canât believe he ever let go of her. perhaps that cliche saying was true, that you never know how important something really is until you lose it.
"i did," she echoes, continuing to stare into his own eyes.
"are you going to leave?" he asks, unable to look away.
she looks back down at the threads of green plastic she was pulling at, and his eyes follow. they used to meet at this playset all the time. during the summer, when sheâd sleep over, theyâd stay up until three in the morning, and then sheâd nudge him about sneaking out. he used to worry about what would happen if his parents checked on them and saw that they were gone if they sneaked out, but she always ended up convincing him in the end. they rarely fought or had disagreements. with enough talking, they always managed to persuade the other to agree with them.
âi am. because we both need time to think. you need to think about if youâre going to see me again for therapy and i just need to think. about everything," she replies, and he watches her grab the edge of the tube, steadying herself as she moves to stand before he slides himself off the tube onto the ground below. itâs not that far of a drop for him now, although it was the scariest drop ever as a kid. now he stands eye level with most of the playset, but she's looking at him like it's still that big of a fall, mouth slightly agape in surprise.
âiâll help you down,â he says with a smile and she blinks.
âno, iâm fineââ her words die out as he looks at her, brows raised in expectancy. this is what he meant: they were always able to push the other to do something, no matter how much they tried to resist in the beginning.
she lets out a sigh, trying to buy time as she fixes her skirt, preparing herself to slip off the tube. it really shouldn't be that scary, but she exclaims as she drops, barely registering the hands on the sides of her waist that catch her while her own clamp down on his shoulders.
her face is red as he lowers her down gently to the ground. whether itâs from the embarrassing noise she let out or the fact that he caught her, sheâs not sure. maybe itâs both. even when he lets go of her, she can feel his hands on her still, as if they've been permanently etched into her skin. heâs looking down at her, and thereâs a hint of playfulness in his eyes and the smile on his lips. he's too close to her, and she can't stop looking at his lips so she looks down at the ground instead, clutching at the jacket around her shoulders before she remembers itâs not hers.
âoh, hereâs your jacket back,â she starts, moving to take off the piece of clothing before he stops her with a hand over he own.
âyou can keep it for a little longer if youâ if you let me walk you home,â he says, on the verge of losing all of his confidence, but he just canât let go of her. he doesn't want to watch her leave, but he knows she needs a break.
she looks up at him, feeling like her lips are quivering with how nervous and flustered she feels, âyou donât have to do that, really. i can walk home by myself.â
âbut if i want to?â
itâs a repeat of a conversation they had earlier, because she can never give him a complete no, and he always knows to take that as a yes.
sheâs ruining everything sheâs trying to do for herself right now. sheâs trying to set a boundary between them, and horribly failing. because what if he walks her home, and he happens to live nearby again? what if they start to see each other more often? or worst of all, what if he ends up leaving again?
well what if he doesnât?
oh, whatever.
fuck the what ifs.
they can try again.
.
.
.
"it's gonna rain soon / and pull me back in.
"i had the words / you thought a hundred times
"oh darlin' / will you still walk me back home?'"
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extras <3
not really any extras! i just hope u enjoyed <3 and that this chapter was good and not too long or just a bunch of rambles!! i had like three ideas i had randomly wrote down and then just copied and pasted into this chapter and was trying to make them all fit đ
IWAIZUMI AND Y/N HAVE A PLATONIC SIBLING-TYPE RELATIONSHIP!!! JUST MAKING THAT CLEAR also i'm a sucker for iwaizumi but that's besides the point
omi just kind of got up and left at some point during dinner when atsumu got tipsy and started talking to shoyo and bo. he said goodbye to osamu and then left
they all have each other's locations anyway and shoyo and bokuto trust him to know what he's doing
kita, akaashi, and iwa ended up going home soon after iwa got back from walking y/n to the park and then he and kita stayed up all night waiting for her to come home while akaashi was passed out <3
this fic lowkey goes a little bit off the rails!! but hopefully u guys enjoy it <33
AND I KEEP FORGETTING TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS I'VE KIND OF LOST IT NOW!! but y/n's pfp is a pufferfish because they symbolize protecting yourself and setting boundaries <3 interpret that as u will
taglist: @eggyrocks @wyrcan @guitarstringed-scars @strawberryuri @violetesensou @kakeru-eem @glmge @heytheredemonsss @mollyrolls @bemebiu @daszy @snail-squasher @0moonii @thiisisntlovely @todorokiskitten @rory-cakes @iiwaijime @iatethemochi @yuminako @savemebrazilhinata @kismyscars @bokutoko @nobodybutnnoorr @wolffmaiden @daisy-room @softpia @lees-chaotic-brain @v3nusplanetofluv @crispchocolates @phoenix-eclipses @hhoneyhan @encrypta @rockleeisbaeeee @cr4yolaas @zombriesworld @localgaytrainwreck @moucheslove @hibernatinghamster @notverymarley @certaindreampost @akaakeis @ciderscape @lucien-luna @strawbrinkofdeath @wave2mia @samuel1004 @01trickster10 @dazqa @cosmiicdust @chemiru
#before the rant starts- here's some quotes that really punched me in damn jaw:#"i just want him to be a part of my life.â#âhe has no idea itâs because of herâthat he seems happier todayâ#âbecause she can never resist him.â#âgiving him the chance to hurt her againâ#âbut if she looks at him she'll breakâ#âiâve been in love with you for the past 10 years of my lifeâ#âbut you showed up anyway.â#<<<< that one brought me to tears genuinely#I wish I had a hard copy of this to highlight and annotate and then give back to you to show you just how much I love this#I'm actually in tears typing this bc they genuinely won't stop /pos#(lore drop) this reminds me of me and my husband minus me being hid therapist#we did something similar to this when we first started talking to each other and maybe that's why it's hitting so hard#my and husband and I aren't childhood or hs friends or anything but he's always felt familiar#and that familiarity is SHINING through this and I can't get enough of this#and god iwa and yn's friendship đĽşđĽşđĽş#the fact that kita looked over too and saw that iwa was already handling it đđđ#oh I'm crying#oh dear god sakusa âto be loved is to be seenâ kiyoomi#especially since he knows her so well and can read her đĽşđĽş#this is my everything ness you have no idea how much this fic will be in my heart and soul#and ahh him smelling like lemon >>>> I love it so much fuck I know his jacket was so warm and smelled so mf good#I'm in your dept for this ness seriously I'm about to give mirage the sappiest most romantic ending ever created just for this MASTERPIECE#this is by far my favorite fic I have ever read even beating many books I've read seriously#dodger's ULTRA favs#<< legit made just for this#ness !!!#<3333
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nanami kento, who hates dating, and didnât do much of it in his early twenties. but now, heâs almost thirty, watching all the people he works with settle down, have kids, and he thinks he wants that. so he might as well try.
so satoru sets him up on a few dates â friends of friends, he calls them. and at the end of every one of the dinners, kento goes home empty, exhausted, because he knows what they want is not the same.
still; he thinks maybe heâs being a little self-destructive, maybe too picky, maybe he just got so used to being alone. with satoruâs insistence, he gives all the women another call, invites them over to his apartment.
the first time was a disaster⌠kento had barely set the dinner on the table before his cat had hissed at her, scratched her down the arm in a thin gash. and though it did draw blood, it was hardly enough to warrant that reaction.
he didnât even try to stop her as she picked up her bag and left, huffing like sheâd been morally offend. kento, though, could only smile to himself in amusement.
because maybe kento was a poor judge of character, a man who was secretly hoping nothing would pan out â but his cat could certainly tell the good from the bad.
it became a little game to him, after that. seeing if anyone could win his pet over, and if they could, perhaps they were the one. his darling animal was a fickle thing anyway. a bit too defensive, quick to bite anything threatening after years on the streets.
naturally, no one came back twice.
he was close to giving up, accepting his solitude because he was tired of empty conversations over dinner. but then, he ventured out over the weekend to a new coffee shop, during hours he normally didnât spend out of his home, and met you.
though you only talked for a moment, kento felt like maybe heâd known you in a past life. a part of him thought maybe it was strange, the way he kept coming back to talk to you, catching you at the end of your shift to see if you wanted to grab a coffee sometime.
by the second date, kento started to think you could turn out to be his best friend.
by the third date, kento wondered if soulmates were real.
on the fourth date, almost two months later, an appropriate time to get to know someone when you were as reserved as kento, he invited you over for dinner. it was, perhaps, the final confirmation he needed to let himself be with you.
he let you through the door, smiling softly as you told him about the book you were reading, and hung his coat on the rack. a moment later, you stopped, distracted, hands covering your mouth in a gasp.
âkento! sheâs the cutest cat iâve ever seen, you didnât even show me pictures!â you exclaim, and, a few feet away, crouched down. âlook at her pretty eyesâŚâ
âcareful,â kento said, âsheâs not veryââ
but the cat approached your outstretched hand, sniffed once, before letting you scratch her under her chin, purring loud enough for kento to hear across the room.
âshes such a sweetheart, you told me she was mean!â you smiled, making a cooing noise as you threaded your fingers through her fur. âkentoâs a liar, isnât he⌠youâre so precious.â
a few moments later, she snapped her jaw at you in a biting motion, and you only laughed, withdrawing your hand. âalright, i get it, i wonât bother you anymore.â
though she still brushed against your legs, just as she did kentoâs, and seemed to communicate some sort of message to him.
âdo you want any help cooking?â you ask, tucking your hair behind your ears. âiâm a disaster in the kitchen, butââ
âsure,â kento said, his chest tightening as he blinked back at you, only in his apartment for minutes and already looking as at home there. he wondered if it was possible to fall in love so quickly. âbut only if you want to.â
#this is very silly#i just wanted to get it out of my drafts#iâve had this thought for a while but#i decided i didnât want to write a whole drabble so now you get this#kento being inexperienced at dating & not enjoying it is very special to me#and so is him having a cat tehe#selfship coded i suppose bc reader is me but itâs not that obvious i hope#kento đ â Ë・â#nanami x reader#xoxo rylie đ ŕ§â Ë・â#jjk x reader#nanami x you#nanami fluff#nanami x gender neutral reader#xoxo rylie đ â Ë・â
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how to start reading again
from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.
start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.
don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.
go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.
remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)
analyse â or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.
read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.
finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter â and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.
try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.
forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.
remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!
stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.
#louisa-gc#academia#studyblr#aesthetic#book#books#reading#read#advice#help#university#study#uni#library#bibliophile#it girl#that girl#habits#booktok#booktube#bookstagram
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matters of the heart â Nanami K.
summary: finding out your ex-boyfriend wrote a novel detailing your relationship isnât how you expected this week to go and to make matters worse everyone on the internet now thinks your âcharacterâ is a total bitch. you decide to pay your ex a visit, but can you do that without succumbing to your natural urges? well, no!
tags: 18+(MDNI/blank blogs) slight porn with plot, oral (f! receiving), brief nipple sucking, daddy kink, creampie, i guess nanami is a bit toxic in this lol, nanami might also be a bit ooc in here
to the moaners: has this been sitting in the draft for about 3-4 months? yes! but happy birthday month, kento đ. artwork by @/_3aem (twt); @ryomens-vixen (this was the fic I mentioned a while back) word count: 5.6k (yuck), I don't really like this
Iâm going to kill him, that was the only thing on your mind once you closed out of the novel. Normally, your weekends were spent relaxing with a fruity bubble-gum colored cocktail but today was different. Shoko called your phone at exactly 9:26 am claiming it was time she divulged some news to you. At exactly 9: 28am, she sent you an online copy of a book titled, âMatters of the Heartâ and told you it was nothing but a two or three hour read and then to call once you finished.Â
The book had a slow start and it seemed pretty average, just any old love story. Lately, anything was getting published and it seemed that was the case here â wait, you paused your reading and sat up straight. No. Just no. Something just clicked for you which led you to completely start over from page one.Â
The moment you finished, at exactly 1:01 pm, you grabbed a salmon colored low cut shirt and light washed jeans, slipped on your white shoes and hurried to get into your car. You didnât need to call her phone because you were going to talk to her face to face; this situation warranted a real conversation. It was nothing but a 17 minute drive to Shokoâs house, so when you arrived at exactly 1:18 pm, her door was already open. âTheyâre bashing me, Shoko. Fucking bashing! How could he do this to me?â Were the first words that flew out of your mouth, holding your phone close to her face so that she could see the reviews.Â
âWell, itâs not like anyone would know itâs you.â She yawned, handing you a cup of water â probably because of how crazy you looked â before she ushered you to a seat on the couch. A golden brown blanket was lazily thrown on the seat, which she hurried to move. You sat down and faced her with a look of what Shoko could only describe as pure sadness. She had seen you like this many times before, all because of one person.Â
âYou did.â You sniffled with an eye roll, you couldnât help but feel uncertain. Reading this book only brought back more uncomfortable feelings towards the breakup and him. You thought that you were over him and the memories that the book produced made you question everything. One question remained which is: Why?
She giggled drily. âHey, I read all his works. Pseudonym or not. He canât hide from me. Plus, I know you both and everything that went on. I was there too, remember?â She mumbled the last part. âMaybe this was his way of coping?â
âItâs been years⌠and I heard heâs announced a sequel. Shoko, a SEQUEL! Itâll be released later this year.â You spoke in a shaking watery voice while she rubbed your back in an attempt of comfort. Your mind could only think of what the reactions would be to your character in the sequel⌠insecurities that you never knew were there flooded your mind.
âThere was enough material for a sequel? I thought he covered everythingâŚâ Shoko rubbed her chin and looked deep in thought. You just stared at her, she couldnât be serious. âSorry, ignore me.â She shook her head ignoring your stare.
âDo I even confront him over this? A-and how would that make me look, like I still check on him right? Iâll look crazy and bitter⌠which apparently I am. Oh and Iâm bitchy and a âtotal cuntâ as theyâre putting online.â He didnât know just how much you changed, he missed your growth. Rubbing your eyes, you ask:âWhy did you tell me about this? What made you take so long⌠I just donât understand.â
âWell, at first⌠I didnât think youâd care.â Moving a strand of her nut-brown hair out of her face, she continued. âThen about a month ago, I decided it was right to tell you, just in case someone else pieced it together.â
âGojo read it then, huh?â You mentally cringed at the thought. It was the only person you could think of whoâd be so crude about it. He knew how damaging the breakup was for you but not as bad as Shoko knows. Now, youâre just grateful that she told you before he did.
âYep, so I figured that I had to tell you before he did.â She clicked her tongue. âBut letâs just calm down before you make any rash decisions on how to handle this.âÂ
âHe wrote a fucking duality series about me, our relationship, our sex life and you want me to calm down? Are you listening to yourself? This is a serious matter. I am being called a bitch, a slut and more on Goodreads and multiple websites, reviews, etc. and he didnât even have the audacity to give me a heads up. You had to call me.â You let out an unladylike snort.âWhy couldnât he stick to his mystery novels? Wasnât he doing good at those?â
âWriter's block.â Shoko said in a singsong-like voice. âHe hadnât written a mystery book since you two broke up and then⌠he alerted his supporters he wanted to switch things up and then⌠that was that. Ladies loved it, a big hit. By the way, if you two were really fucking like that I need to seââ
âShoko, now is not the time!â Your face felt hot all over, your mind racing. âI just canât believe this.â You wrapped your arms around your body and squeezed, giving yourself one big squeeze. It was hard not to cry but you could feel it all in your throat.Â
âIâm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I donât think his intentions were to make you feel bad.â She hugged you to her chest, pressing a small kiss to the crown of your head. âI think he still loves you. I mean, isnât this book proof? After all these years, he wrote about you.âÂ
âIâm sure he moved on by now.â You whispered, your eyes growing tired already and the day had barely started. âI just need to lay down. I need to rest.â Your mind seemed to finally grow calm and your breathing steady, a small hiccup now in your throat but with a gulp of water, you were better.
âJust stay here. I donât trust you to be alone right now.â Shokoâs voice drowned out as sleep overtook you, you could only feel her warmth as she held you and honestly it was all you needed at this moment, Shoko always made you feel safe and you couldnât thank her more than enough for that right now as you slept.
You were a light sleeper, it was always something that Nanami pointed out about you. He always said how he felt like he couldnât leave the room while you slept even if it was to use the bathroom afraid to wake you. He knew how important sleep was to you and heâd risk having a bladder infection if you got all 8 hours that you required. Nanami was sweet and caring like that.Â
You didnât think youâd break up with him ever. He was the one for you and he always made that clear. He pampered you and even after the breakup â though you didnât need it â he left you with a check for five thousand dollars, saying it was for his half of the lease for the next few months.Â
The breakup was brutal for you. You almost quit working entirely. Shoko was the only person youâd confined into and the only friend you left to check in on you especially when you didnât want to leave the house. She brought you groceries and helped you shower until you finally were able to get up again.
Though it was hard to believe, it was Nanami who broke up with you. You thought it was a joke, a cliche little joke.Â
âBaby, Iâm not joking.â His voice was quiet and husky, he spoke as if he was going to cry. âI just need some time to myself. I need to figure out if this is what I want. You donât have to wait for me, you just keep on living your life and being happy. But⌠I think itâs time we let this go.âÂ
You didnât cry in front of him. You didnât cry when he packed his things up. You certainly didnât cry when he shut the door, leaving his key on the table because you knew he was joking. He had to be. But when you called him and his number was disconnected and you were blocked on any form of social media⌠that was when you broke down and cried.Â
It happened out of nowhere. You overanalyzed every aspect of your relationship for where you went wrong. You wrote down every conversation you could remember and dissected it word by word. You watched every video and picture you had of the two of you looking for a bit of regret or anything on his face. You read every text message, looking for malice. He said he needed time to figure out if he wanted this but he always made it clear that he did and even that he was looking forward to having kids together, you two had even gone ring shopping months ago.Â
You didnât sleep and when you did, it was only for 4 hours and sometimes barely that. Your heart had an ache in it and the tears wouldnât stop. You could only think why wasnât I enough?
When you opened your eyes Shoko was still holding you and a small smile grew on your lips. âThank you Shoko.â You knew if you could count on anyone, it was always going to be her. She was the one who pieced you back together and made sure that life didnât destroy you and you couldnât help but to be grateful.Â
âOf course. âM going to let you spend the night here, okay? Letâs get some takeout and watch your favorite movies, howâs that sound?â She knew the way to your aching heart like the back of her hand.Â
âIt sounds amazing!â You stretched your arms out wide, leaning off of her and sitting up. âShould we start with Uptown Girls or Legally Blonde?âÂ
It took two days before you confronted him. Shoko was adamant about not giving you his address and you were tempted to get it from her phone. But luckily, you wore her down, she was probably tired of you bringing him or his book in every conversation. So now you stood there, nerves washing over you in waves.
The mahogany colored door stared at you â mocked you â and you returned the glare before you knocked on it, hard. This was just a door and you were angry at the person behind said door, not the door itself.Â
It was almost like he was waiting on you because the door unlocked and opened. He even stepped aside to let you in, quiet. His straw-colored hair was parted differently and he even looked taller or broader â you couldnât completely tell â but he looked different⌠seemed different. The atmosphere around him made your stomach clench and it made you mad; why did it feel like only you suffered from the breakup? Here he was â strong and tall â and you were nothing or rather the same.
âYou wrote a romance erotica novel about our relationship?â It was what you practiced saying before you got out of your car â making sure your voice didnât tremble â this time, it didnât.Â
âWell, hello to you too. Even after three and a half years, you still like to get straight to the point.â He grinned, putting a hand on your back to guide you to a seat on his couch. âI must ask, what makes you think itâs about you?â He does a slight laugh and raises his brow.
âWe have the same initials, almost the same name. Are you kidding me?â You retort, folding your arms across your chest. You tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling in your chest that occurred when you heard his voice after so long, hearing him and seeing that damned smile⌠your nose scrunched up.
âSorry, I just didnât know you kept up with me⌠with my booksâŚâ He muttered, glancing your way, a demure look in his amber eyes. âShould I be flattered?â Almost in an instant, he turned on a slight cockiness to himself, though his body language showed his nervousness â his thigh bouncing a bit and his fingers tapping on the couch handle. A light sense of relief filled your system knowing that you werenât the only one being affected by this.
âI donât.â You inhaled deeply. âShoko told me about it and then, I checked it out.â Fiddling with your fingers and even picking at your nails, that was your tell all sign of nervousness and right now you were engaging in it more than ever before.Â
âI wanted to tell you or rather, to ask you. I know you got the voicemails I sent last yearâŚand then you kept dodging my calls.â He tells you, you could feel his eyes on you â or more so your fingers⌠the nasty habit that he had finally got you to stop all those years ago rushing right back in an instant.
âWriting a book to trash me and our relationship⌠to make you look like some sort of⌠ugh, like youâre so amazing and Iâm just shit. Yeah, that certainly got my attention.â If you were coming off bitchy or rude right there, you couldnât care less especially when there were worse things that you couldâve said or even couldâve done at this moment. You really wanted to slap him.Â
âIs that all you got out of it?â He asks with his head low, almost as if he was admitting defeat or as if he couldnât believe you came up with something so trivial.Â
âWas there anything else to get?â You counter, shifting your body towards him. Maybe it was best that you sat down and actually listened to the author and his interpretations of his work.
âHow about that I love you regardless of any flaws⌠how about I find your stubbornness and attitude sexy and how I knew this breakup would be good for you. I was holding you back. I mean, I heard you got promoted 3 times since we broke up⌠I just felt like I was changing you, hindering your growth. I needed to reflect on myself and this book helped that.â He tapped his fingers against his thigh, yet another sign of his anxiousness. âBelieve it or not, I still care about you. No matter what happened between us.â
âWhat happened? You mean when you decided to just leave? You could've told me everything you just told me and I wouldâve understood better. We couldâve talked and came to a compromise. You donât understand what you put me through after it.â You were close to tears but you straighten your posture and sniffled, it was best not to think about what happened before. âI just needed a bit of closure too, I guess thatâs why I came. I just was caught off guard. You couldâve knocked on my door or something, forced me to answer⌠forced me to talk.â
He met your eye for the first time since you came over. âYou wouldnât have listened,â He huffs. âDidnât I mention how stubborn you are? Plus, I meant what I said. I needed time to myself and I think we both did.â
âI guessâŚBut Nanami, this book was too much. A letter wouldâve been fine if you needed closure, donât you think?â You see his lips quirk up a bit before he licks them, trying not to laugh it seems.
âMy publisher got a hold of some of the documents where I was just going over things, writing here and there. She loved the idea⌠plus Iâm in a contract for six books so I had to put something out soon, it had already been a year.â He told you, sitting his chin on top of his knuckles. âI honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I was writing for fun⌠reminiscing about us and then later down the line, I realized I was writing because I wanted you to read it, I just didnât exactly know how to get you to since you were very adamant on avoiding me, which is understandable. But regardless, I didnât think itâd get on the bestseller list or for the reviews to get so harsh.â He admits, reaching for your hand before his hand froze in midair and he stopped himself, choosing instead to put it behind his head.
âIs there anyway you can stop the sequel from being published then⌠since you got my attention after all this time?â You asked, putting your most dazzling smile on, hoping to sway him.Â
âI can talk to my publisher. Everythingâs in print and materials are already done⌠but Iâll try to see if I can stop production.â His adamâs apple bobbles when he does a harsh swallow. âAre we⌠okay? Do you forgive me?â
The question made you pause. He always made it hard for you to not forgive him; it took one look or a smile and a small explanation and it made it easy to fall in love with him all over again, no matter what he did⌠it seems. But it made you ask yourself: Were you too easy? Did you really forgive him? It was thoughts like that swirling around the corners of your mind. You wanted to forgive him, he was just writing and telling a story⌠but it was your story, not just his. Using this for your attention when he couldâve written about anything else, he didnât have to. Were you just ready to forgive him because you still loved him?Â
You hadnât realized how deep in thought you were until you felt the couch dip and even then, your mind was still spirling.âYou donât have toâŚâ His voice brings you out of your thoughts, his body so close to yours that it was getting hard to breathe. He still smelled the same; citrus and woodsy and it was easy to get yourself sucked back in.Â
âSo you can write another book about my stubbornness?â You give a quiet giggle, scooting a bit away from him, seeing him frown from the corner of your eyes. You didnât want to fall back but he made it all so simple. It was easy and you were already falling back on him and you didnât need that⌠Did you?
âBabyâŚâ Your body buzzed and hummed, turning to him with wide eyes. âIâll do anything I can to make this right. Anything for you to forgive me⌠If they canât stop publication, what can I do to make us right?â He was doing more than a gaze, he was full on staring and from how close he was it was hard to avoid.Â
âNanami Iââ You stopped yourself. You couldnât really think of anything he could do but you could think of several unhealthy things you could do to ruin your progress on going over him. He had betrayed you and made you a laughing stock so why are you stuck thinking about forgiveness when you should be leaving.
âI never stopped loving you.â His fingers traced up and down your pants but his eyes stayed on yours. âI never thought about anyone but you⌠I never slept with anyone⌠itâs always been you. But, I understand what I put you through and Iâll apologize every second until you forgive meâŚâ The blond man who you never saw shed a tear looked more than close to it. âBut just please⌠forgive me.â
âIâm sorry, honest.â He tries again after being met with absolute silence. âJust⌠let me show you, okay?â His breath tickles your face for a second and when you look into his cocoa brown eyes, you feel everything you once felt again.
Memories of good times dulls out the odd feelings in the pit of your stomach â the confusion and pain â instead are replaced with joy. The trip to Malaysia where he rubbed sunscreen on your entire body and laid back to read a book and you watched as his eyes kept drifting to you while you played in the cerulean water; how you kept begging him to come in until he complied and how eventually in the early hours of the morning when you wanted another dip, he fucked you twice â once in the golden lush sand and another in the cool ocean water.Â
His face is in your thighs and you couldnât help but feel better, feeling his breath fanning so close to your pants covered pussy, your body felt scorching hot. Heâs grumbling, âWill you let me make it up to you? Will you let me show you how sorry I am?âÂ
You mustâve nodded because he was already unbuttoning your pants and helping you lay back, pulling your shirt up just a bit to see your perky tits â he mustâve remembered how you never wore bras unless you felt it was necessary, which was mainly work or any important events.Â
He blew a bit on your hardening nipples before he took one into his mouth â playing biting them with a smug look on his face before he began licking around your areolas and kissing around the swells of your breast. He doesnât say anything but he looks deep in thought as he kisses down your body, his fingers scraping down your sides as he works your pants and your panties all the way down. Bringing his head up for a minute, he looks in your face. âI love you.â He says it simply, heavy emotions swirling in his brown eyes.
Removing your pants and underwear completely from your body, he spreads your thighs and looks over your body â a trimmed low pretty bush sits between your thighs and it makes him smile, he always loved seeing the curled hair on your delicate lower lips. He spreads your pussy, watching the skin stretch with a deep smile on his face. You could feel yourself ⌠the wetness leaking down under your body and it made you cringe, but the way he was staring at you made the insecurities vanish. âAll this for me?â He takes a tentative lick before he slurps, clutching your hips. âI know you like to run⌠but I need you to stay put, got it?â It was hard for you to listen to him, your head already fuzzy and the thoughts swirling around were only about him, nothing more.Â
Then your body bucks up, âWaitâ!â A broken moan escapes your mouth when he presses a soft wet kiss to your clit. Nanami had always been gentle and very careful whenever he ate you out; making sure his tongue was wet enough and that he wasnât too rough. His tongue was wide enough to make your back arch, your body leaving the couch when it finally hit your clit and he gave you no time to recover before he peeled back the hood, sitting the tip of his tongue there and rapidly flicked at the bud.Â
Hearing the lewd squelching noises coming from the mixture of your cunt and his mouth made you close your eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. He spits before he licks it up and down your aching slit, nudging his tongue inside only slightly, much to your dismay. Youâre gasping every second when more of his tongue slips in and out of your pussy; sliding a bit more each time and it makes your thighs shake. When he finally slips his entire tongue inside of you, curling it just enough that you can feel it everywhere, your legs attempt to close up around his head. âPleaseâ âm so⌠sooâohâŚâ His fingers join in on the fun and in small sloppy circles he rubs your clit, pressing down on the pearl while his tongue continues flicking inside of you. The split second that you open your eyes, his are already on yours and it was that moment, that made your body tense up and for you to cum.Â
It happens fast, clear sticky wetness leaks out of you and Nanami still tries to get more of it on his tongue, catching anything that drips and sucking on your folds. âAlways so fucking goodâŚâ He mutters, spreading you again and smearing more of your slick on his face by shaking his head between your thighs, so that heâs completely covered in you.Â
When he moves his head, embarrassment comes over you, looking at his wet face⌠even his forehead was wet and you couldnât bring yourself to meet his eyes. âNothing to be embarrassed about, baby but⌠Iâll be right back, stay wet for me.â
Your heart hammers against your chest, lying there on this now wet couch. You didnât come over here for this and yet here you are⌠about to get fucked and really, it was no turning back now. Youâd been on dates with men after Nanami but they never lasted past the second date and you certainly hadnât had sex in a while, but he made you come apart like it was nothing. Â
But then again, Nanami knew your body⌠so of course this was a walk in the park for him. It honestly annoyed you right now, you couldnât even make yourself cum half the time especially these last few years and now, barely an hour here and he has you right where he wanted you⌠bare and practically back in love with him.
Nanami came back with a fresh face and unbuttoned pants that he was currently pulling down. You clenched around nothing, your mind thinking only of the perfect dick that was going to be coming out of those pants. You licked your lips, this would be the first dick you saw in years and it was his.Â
His drooling cock slapped his stomach and you swallowed, your mouth felt unreasonably dry. The length of his cock always impressed you, standing tall at seven and a half inches, he shakes with laughter which snaps you out of your daze. âNow let me look at you.â His whispers and even though he already saw you, both years ago and right now, you canât help but feel hot all over again. Heâs staring â drawing his eyes down every inch of your body â focusing on your breast before getting to the stare of the show yet again. He smirks, laying you back down, pressing his body against yours to kiss you.Â
Your breath was caught in your throat, his tongue still tasted of you and his hands cups your jaw. Heâs gentle, his tongue moving around your mouth messily before he stops, saliva breaking apart when he does so. His fingers make a ghostly featherlight touch on your clit that makes you jump, the head of his cock at your entrance. He holds out his hand, close to your mouth. âSpit.â Gathering up some, you spit in the palm of his hand and stroke it along his length, huffing at the sensation.Â
He pushes in, taking his time to work himself inside of you, a strained expression on his face. Hips pulled back, he focuses more on just the tip of himself fucking you, watching your pussy stretch with just the tiniest bit of resistance. Inching himself inside, you watch his torso flex and he groans, obscene noises plop and plap around the apartment, his heavy cock pushing in and out of you, your toes curling.Â
âPussy still mines, right? Didnât give it away, did you?â Youâre struggling to talk - to fucking breathe - your eyes rolling back and your jaw slacked but you babble out a soft ânoâ which makes him finally thrust in you harder, completely bottoming out. You feel him in your belly, feeling full and embarrassingly wide with him stretching you out, his balls sitting on the crest of your ass before he moves.Â
He moves you a bit, your bodies flush to each other and he moves his hips in harsh circles, his pelvis so close to your clit. His hands on your calves, he pushes your legs so that they rest on his shoulders, your knees touching your ears makes you tighten up and he groans above you.
âNanami I-â You call out, eyes closed with pleasure shaking through your core, wetness slapping between the both of you.Â
âNanami? No, call me what you used to call me.â His hips slowed down, a whine escaping your lips. His cock dragging inside of your walls, pulling out slowly, awaiting your response.Â
âPleaseâŚdonât slow down, Kenââ before the word even left your lips, his hand slapped your cunt, leaving your legs shaking a bit and your eyes snapping open. Drops of tears run down your cheeks and you sniffle, reaching for him⌠you couldnât help but feel so small in his presence.
âSay it.â Then, you knew what he meant. A name that now feels foreign in your brain and even when it leaves your mouth, it comes out in a strange rattled whimper.
âOh, oh⌠daddy, âm sorry. Please, keep fucking me. Itâs so goooood!â Heâs grinning before the words leave your mouth.
âStill my good girl huh? Always so fucking good for daddy.â He licks up your neck and it makes you tremble, your tongue lolling out a bit and he moves to suckle on it. âDid you skip over all those sex scenes or did you rub this pussy out to them?â He asks, his fingers digging in the back of your thighs.Â
You choked out, sobbing, âI did, daddy⌠But I-I donât want to remember everything.âÂ
âYou donât remember all the words I used to describe this cunt? This pretty pussy? That changed his life⌠my life? That made him always crawl back? That made him so fucking hard? The pretty words I used to describe you? To describe how pretty she always looked when he fucked her? How his heart felt like it was going to explode when she looked at him too long because he loved her so damn much?â Heâs groaning in your ear, thrusting into you, his depth reaching your g-spot, your pussy spasming and begging for his cum at every word he uttered.Â
Pumping himself inside, you could see the white creaminess that was on his cock, most likely because of you, he was constantly fucking the cream inside of you, your nails digged into his arms and he moaned at the feeling. Your stomach tightens and you move to push him away, âIâm going to câcum!â You felt him throbbing inside of you, signaling that he was close too. âPlease, cum inside of me⌠I canât take it.â You couldnât stand it any longer, itâs been years and you needed him to fill you up. He stopped for a moment, changing positions so that youâll be sitting on his lap, grabbing your hips and forcibly bouncing you on his dick, dangerously slow.Â
Wetness gushes on him as his tip hits you from a new angle, seeing the outline of him in your tummy, heâs stretching you again with each nasty thrust. Each drag of his cock making you go crazy and the aching between your legs continue, your body shaking and both of you moaning loudly and over each other.Â
Finally, your orgasm rattled and shook your entire body, your pussy sucking him in, milking him for all heâs worth and it makes his body shake and he releases inside of you, trying to stay quiet as his body jerks up, unable to stop himself from fucking you through both of your orgasms.
Itâs quiet for a while, just heavy breathing with you laying on his chest. âI love you tooâŚâ Your voice is scratchy and your face tear stained. He doesnât say anything, his cock still pulsing inside of you.
âI know. I love you too, never stopped.âÂ
âDid you at least read the acknowledgements or did you just dive right in?â
âI never read the acknowledgements for books, thought you wouldâve remembered that.â You watch him get up, walking around the living room, looking for something. You were both still naked and the entire room smelled of sex.Â
âI did remember that and when you barged in my door, I already knew that you still hadnât changed when it came to that. Here, read this part right here.â He brings you over a copy and you run your fingers around the softback cover with a small smile on your face; this silly thing had brought you both back together and right now you could give less than a fuck about those reviews.Â
Feeling the spine of the book, you open it and can practically smell the scent of an unopened new book. Turning the first few pages, you go to the one page acknowledgment and read it aloud: âShe might not read this book. But if she does, by chance. I hope she knows that I still love her.â You wiped your eyes and smiled. âYouâre an asshole, you know?â
He lets out a hearty laugh, âI know baby.â Kissing the top of your head, he gets up and grabs his phone from the kitchen counter and you follow him. âI think I have enough material to write a third book now.â He grabs his phone and starts typing, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. Attempting to grab his phone he chuckles and uses his height to his advantage by standing taller.
Standing on the tips of your toes you snort, âDonât even joke about that!â But a smile takes over your face and he canât help but smile too.Â
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Isekaied as the Yandere Villain!? Pt 2
Part one
It was almost 2 minutes before I realized I was still dragging the crown prince behind me. I quickly dropped his hand and looked at him, not able to hide the embarrassment on my face. Listen- Iâm committed to the bit. I WILL be the crazy jealous fiancĂŠ. But⌠Iâm still human ok. I just dragged a full grown man down several halls and a flight of stairs while I spaced out thinking about how Iâm gonna buy my cat premium wet food once I get back home to her.
Itâs fine, Iâm not flustered at spacing out about my cat, my characters just flustered because sheâs been holding the hand of the man sheâs obsessed with, thatâs all!
âWellâŚ. Did you still want to dine and take that walk?â
I expected him to scold me for my mistreatment of Cressida, grow irritated from me dragging him along like this. Instead, he chuckles and threads his arm in mine, and begins escorting me down the hall.
âAbsolutely, have you dined outside by the roses yet? Thereâs this lovely pavilion that I am eager to hear your thoughts on.â
And thatâs how I found myself under an impressive array of roses, all trained up and around a cozy dining area, creating a canopy of green and pink over an intimate tea table. The food was equally impressive, I had to keep reminding myself that the other me is used to this lavish lifestyle, to not gawk at the fancy tiny sandwiches and deserts.
âWell? Is everything to your liking? â
Iâm going off script here, how am I supposed to know how the villainess would react to a romantic scene like this?? If my âevil crazyâ side isnât supposed to be directed at him, and sheâs usually kinda distant and unsure around himâŚ. That means I should probably respond pretty curtly, polite, yet not really engaging. ButâŚ. Iâve already messed that upâŚ. I guess I can be more genuine when itâs the two of us like this. He can think that this version of me is the facade, that Iâm pretending to be pleasant, and then will start to see what a jerk âIâ truly am when Cressidaâs around. BesidesâŚ. I almost feel bad for the villainess. She really just seems like she was shy. Who knows- maybe, if given the opportunity, she really would have opened up more. Itâs clear she loved the prince, and just didnât know how to show it. So, with that thought, I made up my mind.
âItâs breathtaking! Roses are my favorite flower, and Iâve never seen so many kinds in bloom at onceâŚ. Plus the food and company leave little to be desired.â
There you go- slip in some subtle flirting! Iâm not quite sure what time period this is supposed to be, but I get the impression flirting as bit more high class here, and I think I can have some fun with that.
âIâm glad, to be honest I was a bit flustered asking you to dine with me⌠you caught me quite off guard today, but in a good way.â He reaches his hand across the table and places it on my own, âIâd like to do this more often, you and I. I feel like the confines of our current arrangement have left us practically strangers, despite being engaged for several months already. Iâm enjoying just being companionable with you, even if itâs just existing comfortably in the same room.â
Ohhhh, I know Iâm the villain in this story but I canât help but root for him- what a sweetheart! Itâs so obvious heâs been lonely, I canât wait for him and Cressida to fall in love and have a couple of kids that theyâll spoil rotten. And in the meantimeâŚ. Maybe I do have a bit of evil in me, because Iâm going to selfishly enjoy this handsome man treating me to lunches under roses and reading in cozy libraries while I can.
âI know exactly how you feel your highness. Now, you mentioned a walk?â
We spent the afternoon laughing and chatting, and it felt nice to chat without worrying too much about my role. He asked me about that book I picked out earlier, and listened attentively as I caught him up with where Iâm at in the plot. In turn, I asked about what papers heâs been signing, documents heâs been drafting, etc.
The only thing I had to do was send glares to any young ladies we passed, settling my hand on his arm possessively, and I saw their eyes widen and faces disappear behind fans as they whisper to one another. I can picture this illustrated in a manhwa- the nasty princess sinking her claws into the gullible prince⌠hopefully all these ladies will start gossiping and we can really cement this evil persona of mine now that Cressidaâs here.
When we returned to our separate apartments, I explored my rooms a bit until servants came to get me ready for dinner, and I slipped back into the frigid bitch persona. The servant girls dressed me in a slightly stuffy gown, but I had to admit, I looked gorgeous. I sat stiff and straight as they did my hair, forcing myself to be the very picture of cold indifference. I then dismissively thanked them for their help, then sat there awkwardly as they stared at me like I was crazy.
Ohhhh shitâŚ. The original story hadnât prepared me for this. My character was a villain, yes, but a side character for the most part! How was she supposed to act towards her servants? I went over what I knew- the novel showed the villainess alone quite often, usually obsessing over Eric and plotting/stalking. It showed her with Eric, and how distant and awkward their relationship was when together. And then of course the numerous scenes with Cressida where the Villainess did all sorts of heinous things to the sweet girl. But⌠it never depicted her with servants, or even any friends or other nobles. Just⌠Eric and Cressida. Was other me not actually a bitch all the time? Am I being unnecessarily rude right now? Oh god Iâm such an idiot.
The story is told through Cressidaâs point of view- of course thereâs more depth to my own character than I initially thought! The Villianess must be a misunderstood introvert! Unsure of how to act around her crush, sheâs fiercely insecure and jealous of this new girl who doesnât struggle the same way she does. When she notices the prince slipping from her grasp, she acts out against Cressida because she canât bear to lose Eric!
As someoneâs whoâs worked minimum wage jobs and struggled with social anxiety most of my life, I try to be nice to the people just working to survive, but here I am acting like these poor women are the dirt beneath my shoeâŚ. Ok. Um. Well theyâre still standing there in shock, I can fix thisâŚ.
âYou really did a lovely job⌠my hair has never looked so gorgeous, youâre truly talented! And I think the prince will be very pleased with this choice of ribbon!â
There- I was nicer, and I brought it back to Eric, so Iâm still the lovesick fiancĂŠ whose entire world is waiting for her in the dining room. I frowned as the servants scuttled out of the room with hurried excuses, all of them looking like they were about to faint. Damn it⌠I canât believe I misread the relationship between us. I probably just ruined their night by being uncharacteristically rude. Iâve gotta learn their names next timeâŚ. Maybe ask them to help me eat some fancy pastries as an apologyâŚ?
I didnât know it, but while I was lamenting how wrong I was about the Villainessâ character, the servants were all gossiping to the others about what had just transpired.
âYouâre telling me she said THANK YOU!?â
âYes!!! And then you should have seen how nervous she got! She just rambled, blurting out such a sweet compliment, and she even tied it back to the prince!â
âI had no idea how precious she was⌠I canât believe I never realized sheâs just shy! In a new place, all alone aside from her new fiancĂŠâŚ. Who I gather sheâs got a bit of a crush on! Poor dear.â
âOhh our sweet girl, Iâm sure it must be hard bonding with the prince, when all you do is sit yards apart and hardly speak âŚâ
âWell I may have some news about that⌠and itâs no wonder she was a bit flustered today, because I saw the two of them in the gardens today! They were both nothing but smiles- absolutely smitten with one another!â
âSuch a lovely girl, and we never knew it all this time!â
Apparently, I had it backwards. The real villainess truly was a 2D, basic character. She was insecure and possessive over the prince, bullying Cressida half to remind her who Eric belonged to, half for the fun of it. But she didnât let on to anyone about the true depth of her love for him. She didnât gossip to her handmaid, didnât ask the servants which dress he would like better. Simply acted as if they did not exist, hardly saying a word to them.
While I thought my blunt âthank youâ was colder than they were used to, and then tried to smooth things overâŚ. It was more words than theyâd heard from me in the whole time Iâd lived in the palace. They lapped it up and declared me their own shy little dove after that.
When I arrived to dinner, I realized why daily dinners werenât exactly a bonding activity for the villainess and Eric. The table was massive, and only held two chairs, one at either end. It felt soâŚ. Cold?
Eric had beat me there, and quickly stood up from his seat, waiting until I sat and a servant pushed in my chair to retake his own seat. He smiled at me and said,
âGood evening, princess.â
He had to project his voice slightly. It wasnât like he was shouting or being loud, it was just the manner of speaking you use when talking to an elderly relative, clearer, and enunciating better so they could hear you.
I replied back, projecting my voice similarly, and found the conversation was, in fact, more awkward than it had been earlier. We ate our food mostly in silence, occasionally one of us would say something and the other would stop moving their utensils on their plate, listening closer as they ask,
âWhatâs that?â
By the time dinner was over and we each went to bed, I felt drained. I could have just been louder I suppose- but itâs so hard to keep up a conversation like that. I know we get along- we had chatted all afternoon after all. But some part of me realized itâs probably good to keep a bit of distance between us, even if Iâve rewritten things to be a bit chummier between the two of us. Cressida needs to swoop in and steal him from me⌠and my job is still to leave that room for her to do so.
Itâs hard trying to be someone else, yet also making sure you lead the plot in the right direction- itâs exhausting! I feel like both director and actress!
Itâs with this in mind that I launch myself into the softest bed Iâd ever felt, and passed out. My first day as princess consort, the Yandere fiancĂŠ, complete.
While I was getting acquainted with my feather bed, Eric was speaking with the head waitstaff.
âYes, tomorrow, would you mind adjusting the seating situation? Iâd like for the princess consort and I to be closer together from now on. Yes, and ask my assistant to arrange my schedules like so, Iâve detailed it here. Thank you.â
At the same time, Cressida was recounting her run in with the prince and I to her handmaiden as she finishing unpacking and settling into her familyâs guest apartments. Which, unbeknownst to me⌠was right across the hall.
Aaaa! You survived your first day! And look at you- doing suuuuch a good job staying true to character. Nothing could go wrong⌠right?
Tag list for the series;
@bitternsweet @tonightwrites @confused-they @lanxianschoenheit @poptrim @siriuslyobsessedwithfiction @one-really-annoying-tree-rat @anonymousdisco @forbidden-sunlight
Tag list closed! Stay tuned for part 3!
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