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andvys · 1 day ago

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The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter five

⭐︎ Watching cityscapes turn to dust

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of death, gore, mentions of killing (zombies?), post apocalypse au, grumpy x sunshine

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: You find out the truth's of this world, ones you weren't prepared for.

Word count: 5.1k

Author's note: This one is a little emotional... but Steve and Sunshine are finally getting closer. Also @hellfire--cult wrote the whole upside down conversation part and everything that came after, y'all are gonna squeal the way I did when you read a specific part aaaahhh

⭐︎ series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

“See this? Eucalyptus. If we run out of toilet paper, we can use this as a replacement.”

Steve scrunches his nose, staring at the plant that you are picking apart now, gathering the leaves and stuffing them into your bag.

“You’re telling me I can wipe my ass with a plant?” He asks, not sounding convinced of your words.

“A leaf, but yes. It’s non irritating and soft. Koalas not only eat it but use it as such.” You explain without looking back at him, continuing to pick at the plant. You were hoping to find some mulberries or chokeberries out here but instead you stumbled upon this.

Steve nods at your words, a small smile grazes his face, “is there something you don’t know?”

Your braid falls to the side when you turn to face him. In all this time since you have been on the road, he hasn’t seen you with your hair open once, it’s always in a braid or a ponytail but never open.

You give him a sheepish smile and a small shrug, “...math.”

His eyes crinkle when he smiles, a low chuckle falls from his lips, “alright.” He furrows his eyebrows when he sees the amount of leaves you are stuffing into your backpack, “what’re you gonna do with all that?”

You zip the bag and throw the strap over your shoulder again, adjusting the backpack before you bend down to pick up your machete again, shrugging at him, “it can be used for a lot of things! We can put some in the shower for the good smell, we can make some tea with it or use it as a decongestant if someone gets sick.”

Steve nods again, he starts walking beside you, looking down at you with curious eyes. He is impressed by your knowledge. His first impression of you was false, he thought you were a clueless, lost girl, someone doomed to die in a world like this but it turned out that you know more than he thought.

You showed him how to build a water filter from scratch, you know what berries are edible and which are poisonous, you know your way around medicine, you’re fast on your feet and your reactions are quick. He is not so convinced that you are much of a fighter or that those knives strapped to your belt have ever been used for anything other than cutting fruit or opening cans. Your arms seem weak, they shake every time you lift heavy things, he can’t imagine how you have gotten yourself out of certain situations before but you know how to survive, he knows that now too.

“I was hoping to find some berries, we could’ve made jam, we still got a bunch of sugar.” You speak quietly, looking around the trees around you, careful not to miss anything creeping up on the both of you.

“I’m sure we’ll find some soon,” Steve murmurs as he keeps a tight hold on his rifle. He looks up into the sky, noticing the dark clouds. “It’s getting darker earlier now.”

“Yeah,” you sigh with a frown on your face. “I don’t like it, it means that winter is coming.”

“Yeah, hopefully we’ll make it to California sooner rather than later.”

You hum, giving him a skeptic look, shrugging.

That look on your face surprises him, amuses him even, he can’t help but chuckle, “is that pessimism I see on your face, sunshine?”

“Never!” You chuckle and nudge him with your hand. “I’m just being realistic–”

“What every pessimist says ever,” he laughs, shaking his head.

“No, I’m just experienced, Steve! It took me a while to even get here, there’s a lot of things that get in the way, obstacles. Sometimes you gotta do detours, there are a lot of towns and cities you have to avoid, that unfortunately makes the journey longer.”

“How do we know what places to avoid though?” Steve frowns, looking down at you curiously.

“Well, big cities and everything around it, those places were bombed, remember? When the government and the military still thought that they could prevent this from happening… whatever the hell this is.” You mumble, gesturing to some of the rotten plants you’re passing by.

“Right,” Steve mumbles and looks down. He sometimes forgets that you don’t know what caused the end of the world. He hasn’t told you yet, Nancy and Eddie haven’t either.

“It’s dangerous there, they thought they could take out those monsters that way but they only made it worse, cities are crawling with those things, along with infected people.”

He didn’t know. He was stuck in Hawkins since the beginning of the end, he never turned on the radio until you, he never even thought about what happened to the rest of the world, he was stuck in that town, he was busy grieving her.

“How do you know?” He asks, glancing at you.

You continue to look ahead, taking a deep breath before you open your mouth.

“I got myself in deep shit when I took a detour to Washington DC. I ran into a couple who told me about a refugee camp in DC. I should’ve known it was a mistake to change my route and go there but it was only the beginning of everything and I was alone and scared, I wasn’t thinking.”

“What happened?”

You look down as your lips curl downwards, wincing a bit.

“The place was crawling with infected people, it was overrun. I tried to go back, take the same way out and get back on my old route but… I swear it was a blink of an eye moment and those things had me surrounded.”

Steve frowns, his breathing becomes a little shaky as he thinks of the fear you must’ve felt when death was creeping up on you.

“How’d you get out?”

“I had to fight my way out,” you murmur, looking up into his eyes, revealing the mark it left on you as you allow him to look into your eyes. “It was the first time I had to kill sick ones.”

He can see it wasn’t easy on you, it’s written all over your face.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and then it took forever to get out of there. The city was crawling with infected, with monsters, everything. Not to mention that most buildings were falling apart and it wasn’t easy to find places to hide.”

As you continue to tell him how you got out of the city of horror, Steve realizes that you have seen far more than he has. He might’ve been roped into the upside down years ago, he might know more but you have made experiences that he was spared from. That you have encountered things that he can’t even think of.

Shivers ran down his spine when he overheard your conversation with Eddie back in Hawkins, knowing how it could have ended for you makes him feel sick still when he thinks about it.

“I have avoided cities and big towns ever since. The journey is longer that way but safer.”

Steve nods.

“Guess it’ll take a while for us to get to California then.” Steve mumbles, spotting the RV in the distance and the small fire Eddie had made.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be tough with the cold weather but as long as we stock up on everything, we’ll be fine.” You shrug, surprising him with how relaxed you seem about all the things that he feels anxious about.

“Let’s hope we’ll find enough lakes on the way so we can keep filling up our water tank.”

You always make sure that the water tank in the RV is filled so the shower and the toilet can be used but you save up on it as much as you can. Bathing in the lakes is getting more impossible by the second, the water turning colder and colder, but it works for hair washes and quick cleaning on the most needed areas.

“Yeah and let’s hope they won’t be frozen or else we’ll have to use snow and baby wipes to clean up,” you chuckle.

“If there is gonna be any snow,” Steve points out.

“I’m sure there will be, so we better find some warm clothes, you can’t walk around in this leather jacket,” you gesture to his trusted brown jacket. “You’ll freeze to death.”

He shakes his head as he looks down at the flannel you are wearing, “funny coming from you, you’re not even wearing a jacket.”

“This thing is warm!” You argue, tugging your flannel closer to your body.

“Yeah right, that’s why you’re shivering!”

“Am not!”

Eddie looks up at the both of you, grinning a little when he sees how close you two are walking next to each other.

“Don’t you dare say anything right now,” Nancy warns him as she stirs the soup in the pot, giving him a strict look.

Eddie sinks deeper into his camping chair, his eyes flash with amusement when he turns to Nancy, “wasn’t planning on saying anything.”

Nancy knows her friend well, she knew he was going to say something to tease Steve, something that would’ve only made him tense again and she doesn’t want that, not when you two are starting to get along.

“Mhmm sure, Munson.”

Eddie takes another look at the two of you before he leans closer to Nancy, “but he is smiling.”

Nancy tries to be subtle when she looks towards you and Steve. He is grimacing. She has to admit, it’s funny to watch your interactions with him, how you talk his ear off, trying to get him to smile or even laugh – it’s a challenge, he doesn’t smile very often these days, let alone laugh. It’s cute how you keep trying though.

“Don’t mention it to him or he’ll stop.”

Eddie snorts and leans back again, his eyes sparkle and a grin appears on his face when you wave at him.

“Hey, what’d you got there?” He raises his eyebrows at your backpack. “Did you find your berries?”

“No, unfortunately not but we found some eucalyptus!”

“Ah, nature’s toilet paper!” Eddie grins.

Steve raises his eyebrows at him, he stops beside you and places his hands on his hips.

“How’d you know?”

Eddie tilts his head to the side, placing his hand on his chest in offense, “I don’t like that surprised look on your face, Harrington. Why wouldn’t I know?”

Steve shrugs, “maybe because you don’t look like a guy who’s into plants?”

“That’s very offensive considering I used to sell ‘em.”

Nancy snorts and shakes her head.

You straighten your back, eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“You sold plants!?” You ask, smiling brightly.

Steve shakes his head, chuckling at the look of enthusiasm on your face, “no, he–”

“Why yes, sweetheart. I sold all the good greens,” Eddie grins.

When Steve and Nancy shake their heads at him again, laughing, and Eddie’s eyes flash with amusement, you realize that you are missing something, an inside joke that you don’t get.

Nancy notices how your head is tilted to the side, your lips curled downwards as your eyebrows knit together.

“Alright,” you shrug, throwing your backpack down and your machete next to it. You plop down on your camping chair, scooting closer to catch the warmth of the fire. The smell of soup filling the air around you, making your stomach grumble in anticipation. “Is that chicken noodle soup?”

“Yeah with fresh chicken and everything,” Eddie nods, watching as Nancy pours you the first bowl.

You give him a deadpan look, eyes flickering back and forth between his and the empty cans of soup in the grass.

He chuckles at you, handing another empty bowl to Nancy.

Steve is still standing, looking around, looking through the trees and over the large field. He is gripping his rifle tightly still.

“Dude, sit down, we’re safe here.” Eddie tells him. “We checked the area, it’s clean.”

You look up at the brunette, noticing the worried look on his face.

“Yeah, it’s safe, you saw for yourself, Steve. The forest is green.”

He nods, though still unsure. He takes another look around before he sits down beside you. A sigh falls from his lips as he takes the rifle off his shoulder, placing it down on the grass.

You’re right, the forest is green, no vines or rotten plants around, no ashes covering the ground. Places like these are usually safe from monsters. Usually. Steve can’t ever rest, no matter how safe they look or feel.

“Here.” Eddie pulls him out of his thoughts, handing him the bowl filled with soup.

“Thanks,” Steve murmurs, giving him a tight lipped smile as he takes it from his hands. He glances at you, your bowl is on your lap, the spoon in your hand as you stir the hot soup. A strand of your hair falls in front of your eye and you try to blow it away but to no avail. His hand itches, fingers twitching. He tears his eyes away from you, looking down at his dinner instead, and he begins to eat in silence.

“Hey,” Eddie nudges his chin at you, eyes flicking back and forth between your face and your machete on the ground.

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever actually used that thing?” Eddie asks, tilting his head to the side.

Steve watches you from the side, curiously. You look confused, eyebrows furrowed and lips curled downwards.

“Uh, yeah…” You murmur. “Why?”

How could you have survived without it? It would’ve been a miracle if you didn’t have to use it.

Nancy raises her eyebrows at Eddie, she hugs her blanket tighter around her shoulders, sipping the soup from her spoon.

Eddie shrugs. He knows you’ve had to fight at some point, to kill, you wouldn’t have survived for so long if you didn’t. Yet he can’t imagine you lifting that thing to kill something or someone, not because you are weak or incapable, he just thinks that you are soft – too soft to kill, even monsters. You are the type to pull away, to run, to hide, to fight but not to kill.

You look into his brown eyes, trying to find the look of judgment in them but you can’t, just curiosity, nothing more or less.

“Just haven’t seen you use it, that’s all.”

“Yeah and I’m relieved about that, Eddie! It means we avoided danger successfully. I really hate using it.”

Nancy nods at you, smiling.

You’ve been on the road for nearly two weeks and it’s been nothing but a wasteland – empty roads, empty towns, empty houses. Nothing but the ghost of what the world once was. You haven’t come across monsters or infected yet, not even people. It’s almost as if everything disappeared completely but the screeches of the bats at night remind you of the danger still out there. It’s only a matter of time until you run into something or… someone. You got lucky so far but how long will luck stay on your side?

“Well, the same goes to you all,” you shrug. “I haven’t seen you use your axe, Eddie. I also haven’t seen you use that bat, Steve.”

Nancy chuckles when you challenge them both, leaving her out of it.

“Are you doubting my axe wielding skills, sweetheart?” Eddie asks, smiling in amusement.

“Are you doubting me and my machete?” You retort, glaring at him playfully to which Steve chuckles, smiling at the look on your face.

“Hell no,” Eddie shakes his head, “I was just curious! I don’t doubt you at all, I bet there’s a cold blooded killer behind that cute face.” He smirks, winking at you.

Your eyes widen and heat rises to your cheeks as you grow flustered.

Eddie’s eyes fill with pride when he notices your reaction, he can’t help but chuckle softly. He glances at Steve who rolls his eyes.

“What about you, Steve?” Eddie grins. “When was the last time you used your bat?”

Steve shrugs.

As he thinks about it, he realizes that it’s been a long time since it was used. He relied on the axe that Eddie stole from him and the rifle Hopper gave to him on the day he left, on the day they were all supposed to leave. He didn’t even pack the bat then, Robin did. That’s the reason why he took it with him nearly two weeks ago.

“Probably in ‘84.” He mumbles without thinking. “When Dustin and I went looking for Dart after he ate his cat.”

His words sink in slowly and it takes you a moment to fully realize what he just said.

Nancy straightens her back as she notices the line between your eyebrows and the way you slowly put your spoon down into your half empty bowl. She looks at Steve who hasn’t even realized what he just said as he keeps eating his soup.

“‘84?” You mumble, turning your body to face Steve. “What…?”

Steve’s eyes bore into the grass, his forehead puckers, his heart sinks a little.

“A what ate Dustin’s cat!?”

You look bewildered, completely mortified as those images must run through your mind. The situation is not funny at all but the look on your face is and Eddie can’t help but chuckle, something that earns him a punch to his arm from the girl beside him.

Nancy glares at him.

“Goddamn, woman,” Eddie hisses at her, rubbing his arm.

Steve can feel your eyes on him, your intense stare. He slowly looks up, turning towards you.

They haven’t told you anything, you are just as clueless as the rest of the world is or what remains of it. To you, the world just flipped over. A mysterious virus wiped out more than half of the earth’s population. The sickness spread and people started turning into monsters. Monsters crawled out of hell or fell from the sky as many believed. He remembers all the things said about the upside down creatures, he remembers how some called them demons while others called them aliens.

They didn’t mean to hide it from you, to hold back the truth. The conversation never came up and they also didn’t know how to explain it all to you without sounding like they had gone insane.

Where would they even start?

Would you even believe them?

“Uh…” Steve panics a bit, turning to face Eddie, looking at him for help but the metalhead only shrugs at him. He glances at Nancy who seems to enjoy his struggle. She shrugs at him too, giving him a look that says ‘go ahead’.

He hates this and even more so, he hates the smug looks on his friends’ faces.

For a moment it’s quiet, nothing but the crackling of the fire filling the space.

“What do you mean?” Your voice pulls his attention back on you. Your eyes are filled with confusion, your lips slightly parted.

Steve takes a deep breath.

He knew this conversation was going to happen sooner or later, he just didn’t think that he would have to be the one to explain this world to you. He is not good at these things.

With a sigh he leans down, placing the bowl on the grass before he leans back again, turning his body towards you.

Where does he even begin?

He clears his throat, glaring at Eddie when he cackles.

“I uh… listen, what I’m about to tell you is gonna sound… crazy.”

“Can’t get crazier than this,” you chuckle nervously.

Steve smiles a little, taking another deep breath.

“Well, this has been going on for longer than you think.”

You narrow your eyes at him, shaking your head a little.

“I’m not following…”

Steve runs his fingers through his hair, he looks back and forth between your eyes and the fire, unable to find the right words.

“The uh…” He pauses, clenching his jaw. “Fuck…” He whispers.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie sighs loudly. “You’re the worst storyteller ever, dude!”

“Well, why don’t you tell her, Munson!?” Steve snaps in frustration, huffing loudly.

“I might be the master of story telling thanks to being a Dungeon Master… but I wasn’t in this shit from the very beginning.” Eddie says with another shrug and a cocky smile on his face which makes Steve sigh and roll his eyes. Your attention goes back to the brunette, your head tilted, ready to listen.

“There… There’s another dimension.” Steve starts and Nancy now knows it’s gonna be a long story, looking down at her bowl and continuing eating.

“Another dimension? Like a parallel universe or something?” You ask and Steve scrunches up his nose.

“Not exactly. It’s this world but a more… devastated version. What you saw back in Hawkins, it’s not as bad as it is in that dimension.” You were getting lost now, his words not making any sense and he noticed it in your face. “This started back in 1983…”

You listened.

For the first time in weeks, you sat there without any words coming out of your mouth except for a few questions, letting Steve talk. Nancy gave her input every now and then. They told you everything… from beginning to end. How one of the teens got taken away, how one of them was an experiment, how the others solved the mystery, how the government was involved, then–

“Wait… so… the Russians… they did what to you?” You ask and Steve clears his throat, looking at you.

“Kidnapped me and Robin, almost beat me to death and then they drugged us, thinking we would spill the beans or something.” He chuckles and your eyes were just glued on him, a worried frown in your eyebrows. His laugh ceased as he looked at you completely confused. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

He blinked a few times at that. It’s something that had happened years ago, back in 1985… Robin was one of the only people who asked. Dustin… then everyone saw him and the one thing that they asked was ‘what happened?’. You, years later, when his bruises are no longer there, maybe a scar on his lip from it that is barely visible… you ask him if he’s okay. He doesn’t know how to answer, completely taken aback by your question. Eddie notices, clearing his throat, which makes you turn your head at him.

“He is perfectly fine as you can see. Annoyingly so.” He comments and Steve is a little grateful for your attention, for your care, to no longer be directed at him. He cracks his neck a bit, not noticing the eyes of the other girl sitting in the circle, who is holding back a smile.

“So… After that, we came to find out so many other things… one in particular was that this whole thing, this whole… dimension, not only was opened by El, but another person got sucked in it… A dangerous person.” Your eyes went back to Steve as he continued his explanation.

You couldn’t believe this was all done by a single entity, a thing that was once human, a monster that was once a child. He explained how the gates worked, how the craters were created and then… your eyes landed on Eddie as Steve told you about the final battle.

“We thought we hadn’t killed him… but then– El told us he was dead. She could see him dying in his mind… but he didn’t leave without a parting gift.” Eddie states as he looks at his arms, seeing the scars and then back at you. “With the craters open, he gave one last order.”

“What was that?” You ask and Steve clears his throat, your attention back to him.

“To take over this side. To bring the Upside Down… up.”

You didn’t know how to react now. Your eyes drifted to the floor. They have been in this war for so long. For years. Kids. Fucking kids were involved in this and you just felt anger. Good people were involved in something that should have been dealt with by adults. The people who died, they recounted each one of them, but your eyes were on Nancy, who was looking at the horizon, as if absent minded.

She lost her best friend to this monster�� and her father.

Steve lost his soulmate… Eddie almost lost his own life… They all almost died at some point and– it was hard to imagine that while they were suffering like this, when they were fighting and getting beaten up… you were picking up sunflowers with your parents. You were off partying. You were out with friends or going to concerts.

It felt unfair. You feel so guilty for some reason. You feel guilty for having had the time to be a proper teenager. To have a proper childhood. To have a family while theirs started to break apart slowly. The scars they all have, on their skin, on their minds, on their hearts… you don’t think you will ever comprehend. You won’t ever understand that pain.

“Sweetheart…” You heard Eddie calling you, but you were still shocked, the information dawning on you, and then– you flinched slightly when a thumb grazed your cheek, making you look to the side to see Steve, worriedly looking at you as he wiped something off your face.

“You don’t need to cry…” He softly spoke to you and… cry? You shook your head to get out of your shock, at least a bit, and you raised your hand to touch your right cheek and– You were crying. Tears fell down your eyes and you didn’t even notice it. Your heart felt as if someone was crushing it in their bare hands and your stomach was in a tight knot as Steve’s words kept replaying in your head.

“How… How can I not cry?” Your reaction was not something they expected. They expected you to yell in fear, or to appear nervous, or to be at least a bit skeptical of their story… but you were crying. Eddie’s hand came to rest on your shoulder, your eyes finding his.

“Why? We’re here… we’re alive.” He says with a soft smile, but you shake your head, the lump in your throat bigger than ever.

“Your lives were ripped away from you… normal lives… Your friends… family– How can I not cry?” And it dawned on them. They haven’t thought of it that way, not once they stopped and regretted or wished for things to be different. But now, the thoughts linger… if the upside down never happened, or they never interfered… where would they be right now?

“It… it made us who we are now.” Nancy tries talking, not wanting to show how her voice started to break. Your tears kept coming down as you tried to nod, yet it didn’t erase the sadness. It didn’t erase how bad you felt.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry this happened to all of you…” Your eyes fell on Steve. His eyes were red as well as the other two people in the circle. Soon, you weren’t the only one shedding tears. They all sat, looking at the fire in the middle, letting the world sink in. Letting their story be heard by themselves this time.

“Wow, sweets… thought we were done crying over this but damn, you come along and break the fucking dam.” Eddie jokes as he wipes his tears away, a wet chuckle escaping him and Nancy barely smiles, wiping her own tears, sniffling. You looked at him, a small smile on your lips as you saw him trying to diffuse the tension.

“We can’t afford to cry, we have to save our water and our hydration.” She says as joke, which makes you and Eddie chuckle. Your eyes turned to the one person who was still silent, looking at the firepit. Your smile fell a bit and you hesitantly raised your hand up and you returned his gesture. You wiped the stray tear that fell down his cheek but he didn’t flinch away from you. He wasn’t startled.

Steve looked at you as you retreated your hand back to your lap. He gave a few blink as he gulped the lump that formed in his throat. You were a nuisance. He knew that. You were making him have emotions he thought he was better without, and now…

“Thank you.” He softly spoke, and you gave him a small smile in answer. He reciprocates the gesture, the sadness slowly leaving his body as warmth fills his body once more. It was better to blame the fire for that.

He wanted to hate you for what you were doing to him. But he couldn’t help but thank you… because having these feelings, these emotions, reminded him of who he once was. With Dustin. With the other teens. With Robin. He’s once again vulnerable, but being able to laugh with Eddie, with Nancy… and you… He doesn’t want to lose that again.

“Don’t want to break the cute and intimate moment, but the chicken soup– I think it was fucking expired–” And all of your eyes widened as the loudest thing was heard through the field. Eddie’s face reddened as he cleared his throat. “That– I bet it was a demogorgon.”

The first to break was Steve. He laughed loudly, cackled, grabbing his belly as his face reddened from the strain of his laughter. Eddie had just let out a huge fart that echoed against the very far trees. You instantly followed as well as Nancy, all of you almost falling off the chair as Eddie scrambled up, rushing to get toilet paper inside the RV.

“IT’S NOT GONNA BE FUNNY WHEN IT HAPPENS TO THE THREE OF YOU!” You all heard him yell as now tears of laughter and joy escaped your eyes, your head hurting a bit from how hard you were laughing, pretty sure Steve was in the same or worse situation as you were because his was the loudest.

You all saw Eddie rush out with the small shovel and the toilet paper, running towards the woods, and your eyes caught on Steve. It was the first time you saw all of his teeth. His mouth wide with laughter, his eyes clenched, his hand on his belly as he complained it was hurting. Nancy’s own laughter was like a background noise, the volume was low on her, while Steve’s was on high.

You hoped to see him like this more often. He looked… good like this.

He looks good when he is happy.

☀︎

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#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington angst #steve harrington series #stranger things angst

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barbatoss-bitch · 14 hours ago

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W-wait! Girlies I'm gonna sleep first lmao I WILL JUST REBLOG THIS AND READ THIS FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

Commentary below ❤️❤️

Note: GIRLIES IM AT CHAPTER 10 RN AND I'M FREAKING SCARED! SCARED! ISTG THIS KOKOA GIRL IS CRAZY! I'm not gonna have commentaries for all chapters cuz I'll be yapping and yapping

CHAPTER 12

NGL I MIGHT FOLD! LMAO I MEAN LOVE THE DEDICATION!

CHAPTER 13

THE PHOTO IS HERE IN CHAPTER 13 Y'ALL!

KISARAGI-KUN NGL THIS IS BAD! SO BAD! Y'ALL! THEY ARE ALL PSYCHO!

CHAPTER 14

Oh.. well.. lmao shit..

CHAPTER 15

MC .. JUST DATE ME INSTEAD LMAO! I GOT NO STALKERS AND YANDERES AHAHAHAA I AM OFFERING RN LMAO JUST LEAVE KOKOA AND LIVE WITH ME

CHAPTER 17

Wtf! THIS CRAZY MFING BITCH! YO I'M GONNA SLAP YOU WITH MY "RIPPED PANTIES" YOU! MANIPULATIVE BITCH YO! I'M CRAZY BUT YOU?! YOU ARE SO- ARGHH I'LL KILL THIS BITCH DEFINITELY

CHAPTER 18.1

YO?! WHAT DID YOU SAY GIRL?! I'LL MINCE YOU DOWN BITCH! YO I'M ON THE COUSIN SIDE HERE! THIS DUMBASS BITCH! I'LL POP YOU BOOBIES ISTG STOP ME! I'LL DRAG YOUR FACE IN THE MUD! ISTG I'M SO ANGRY RN!

CHAPTER 18.2

Pls no! PLS MC SHE IS THE ONE FOR YOU YOU CANT!

CHAPTER 19

Damn... NOW I HATE ML TOO! YOU BOTH DIE!

CHAPTER 20

NO! MY BEST GIRL! YOU DON'T DESERVE HER ANYWAY YOU DUMMY! I'LL KILL YOU TWO MYSELF!

CHAPTER 21

Now you got this bitch with no freaking character it is so lame ml... You got played by this bitch and you lost A MFING GEM BITCH DIE!

CHAPTER 22

LMAO BITCH TAKE THIS AHAHAHAHA! DUMB LOSER! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING LMAO BEST GIRL RIKO! I'LL AVENGE YOU!

CHAPTER 23

Damn.. this guy is dumber than I thought! MFING DUMB AND DELUSIONAL! COME HERE I'LL SLAP YOU MYSELF! AND STAB YOU TOO FOR MY RIKO!

CHAPTER 24

You know what ryuto ... Why not kill the bitch too? Am I right? This bitch toyed with you, use you.. why not kill her? BTW THIS BITCH COULDN'T BE ANY WORST!

CHAPTER 25

MFING WAKE THE FUCK UP RYO! THIS BITCH CLEARLY ISN'T LOVING YOU (LOVED/LIKE? THE FUCK NO, NOTHING) YOU JUST BLOW YOU CHANCE UP WITH RIKO! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU NOR YOU DESERVE HER!

CHAPTER 26

Only one word... "Deserved"

Girl I DON'T MFING WANT YOUR BACK STORY BITCH THE FUCK YOU DOING HERE?

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

You know it's tiring.. ryuto.. you had you chance earlier.. clearly she choose him over you.. you dumb boy

CHAPTER 29

Yo! "I'D RATHER WE'D NEVER HAVE MET AT ALL" ARE YOU WAKING UP MY DEAR DUMB BOY?! HELLO IS YOUR BRAIN WORKING NOW?

#male yandere #yandere male #Kimi Ni Koisuru Satsujinki #the killer who loves you #yandere #yandere boy #yanderecore

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temeyes · 9 hours ago

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Sylus for tonight's cool down

#if y'all told 2024 Timaeus that she'd become super fond of Sylus' ugly ass mug. GIRL... she would've been LIVID AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!#no cuz like. i genuinely hated Sylus HSAHASHASHSAH IDK WHY BUT I HAD BURNING HATRED FOR HIM (he did nothing wrong)#my one-sided beef with Sylus was truly an Experience LMAO #temeyes art #2025 #love and deepspace #love and deep space #lads #lads sylus #sylus #qin che #art #fanart #digital art #digital drawing #sketch #doodle #video games

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n0tamused · 2 days ago

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Little Mydei dump I did over the last two-three days. Still working on the painting. Can y'all tell he's been consuming me...sigh

Expect more of him from me.

Me and my greek themed men...(dr ratio and mydei). I need draw Mydei as a dragon too, asap

#-stories of old #digital art #honkai star rail #hsr #my art #mydei #mydeimos #mydei fanart #Vergil #meme #hsr mydei #mydei x reader #fanart #hoyoverse #Amphoreus #trailblazer

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bloomzone · 22 hours ago

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📕 𝟓𝟎-𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞

March 1st ! If you’ve been slacking, if your study habits have been messy, or if finals are creeping up way too fast this is it. I did a 20-day productivity challenge before, but now, with finals staring me down and less than 90 days to go, I need to actually get my flip together.For the next 50 days, I’m locking in. This isn’t about aesthetic study sessions or fake productivity or like those 10s filming study routine 💁🏻‍♀️ . It’s about deep focus, real progress, and making sure you n i walk into finals prepared, not panicked.

before we start! what are the ..

🔴 Things You Need to Avoid

When you’re pushing yourself to study, it’s easy to fall into traps that make the process feel harder than it needs to be. One of the biggest things to avoid is procrastination. It’s tempting to delay tasks and distract yourself with less important things, but the truth is, the longer you wait, the more overwhelming it becomes. Putting things off only builds stress and leaves you with less time to focus on what truly matters.Another major pitfall is burnout. While it might feel like working non-stop is the key to success, the reality is that exhaustion doesn’t lead to productivity. If you push yourself too hard without breaks or balance, you’ll find your focus slipping, and your energy drained. Instead, aim for deep, focused study periods with scheduled rest to recharge. The key is working smart, not just hard.u also NEED to stay away from passive studying. Reading over your notes without actively engaging with the material might feel like you’re making progress, but it’s not enough. True learning happens when you interact with the content whether that’s through active recall, practicing problems, or teaching the concept to someone else. It’s about getting the information out of your head, not just in.And then there’s multitasking, which can be deceiving. You might think that juggling multiple tasks or subjects at once is a sign of productivity, but in reality, it dilutes your focus. Instead, concentrate on one subject at a time and give it your full attention. By focusing deeply, you’ll achieve better results in less time.Finally, avoid over-planning. It’s easy to get stuck in an endless loop of scheduling and rearranging without actually doing the work. While having a plan is crucial, it’s more important to take action. Don’t get paralyzed by perfection; start moving forward, and adapt as you go.

💡 What You Need to Succeed

Success in a challenge like this comes down to preparation, mindset, and consistency. First and foremost, you need to set yourself up for success by organizing everything you need. Having your books, notebooks, and study tools ready at your desk isn’t just about being prepared—it’s a psychological trigger that helps you get into the right mindset. When you see your space ready for work, it subconsciously tells your brain that it’s time to focus.But it’s not just about the materials. Your environment matters. A cluttered space can lead to a cluttered mind, so make sure you have a clean, quiet place to study. This is where you’ll spend most of your time, so make it a space that supports your work rather than distracts you. Even something as simple as proper lighting and a comfortable chair can make a huge difference in your ability to focus.It’s also essential to have the right tools. Flashcards, sticky notes, mind maps, or even physical planners whatever helps you engage with the material actively is what you should have at hand. You don’t need to follow a one-size-fits-all strategy, but it’s about finding what works best for you. What will make the material stick? What will make you more engaged and less likely to zone out?Consistency is key, too. This isn’t a sprint y'all u need to commit to a study schedule that’s manageable and realistic. Establish a routine that you can stick to every day thats what my teachers say everyday whether it’s an hour in the morning or a few hours in the evening. Building consistency will help you develop the discipline needed to push through tough moments, especially when motivation runs low.Finally, don’t forget about your energy. Sleep, food, and overall well-being are the foundation of any successful study routine. Without proper rest, your brain can’t absorb or retain information. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep to let your brain recharge and consolidate what you’ve learned. Likewise, pay attention to your body when you're well-rested and nourished, you’ll feel more alert, focused, and motivated. Let's cb !

📕 𝟓𝟎-𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧

( starting March 1 – May 9)

0️⃣1️⃣ Week 1: System Reset & Strategy (March 1-7)

🔹 List everything you need to study before finals.

🔹 Identify weak areas & high-priority topics.

🔹 Create an adaptable study plan (structured but flexible).

🔹 Set non-negotiable study hours per day (📚 2< hours).

🔹 Organize notes & resources so you’re not scrambling later.

🔹 Test different study environments & methods to maximize focus.

0️⃣2️⃣ Week 2: Deep Focus & Active Recall (March 8-14)

🔹 No passive studying (no just reading or highlighting).

🔹 Prioritize active recall (practice papers, Q&A, teaching concepts).

🔹 Use visual memory aids (mind maps, charts, bullet points).

🔹 Track distractions & eliminate what kills your focus.

🔹 Keep a focus log: What breaks your concentration? Fix it.

0️⃣3️⃣ Week 3: Technical Subjects and theory based subjects (March 15-21)

📜 Literature, history , philosophy... and theory-based subjects:

➖ Read critically, summarize, and debate ideas (not just memorize).

➖ Work on structured arguments & analysis for essays.

📈 Math ... problem-solving subjects:

➖ Use timed practice to simulate exam pressure.

➖ Write key formulas & rules on flashcards.

➖ Break down problems into step-by-step solutions.

🔹 Study difficult subjects when your energy is highest.

0️⃣4️⃣ Week 4: Writing & Expression (March 22-28)

🔹 Summarize topics in your own words every day.

🔹 Create one-page cheat sheets for major topics. (for revision nothing else 💁🏻‍♀️)

🔹 Write mock essays & structured answers (practice depth).

🔹 Focus on clarity & argument-building (make your writing strong).

🔹 Challenge: Can you explain this concept in 3 sentences?

0️⃣5️⃣ Week 5: Self-Testing & Performance Check (March 29-April 4)

🔹 Take full practice tests under exam conditions.

🔹 Time yourself: Work on speed & accuracy.

🔹 Identify weak spots and revisit them.

🔹 Grade your own work harshly—improve where needed.

🔹 Find patterns in mistakes and create strategies to fix them.

0️⃣6️⃣ Week 6: Memory & Retention (April 5-11)

🔹 Daily mini-revision of past weeks’ topics (keep everything fresh).

🔹 Use mnemonics, stories, & memory associations.

🔹 Sleep optimization for memory consolidation (good sleep = better recall).

🔹 Try retrieval practice before checking notes.

🔹 Apply concepts in real-life situations (where possible).

0️⃣7️⃣ Week 7: Peak Productivity & Stamina (April 12-18)

🔹 Push study hours (without burnout).

🔹 Use study sprints: 2-3 intense sessions per day.

🔹 Reduce fake productivity (low-value tasks don’t count).

🔹 Prioritize high-impact topics.

🔹 Simulate exam pressure—train yourself to think fast under stress.

0️⃣8️⃣ Week 8: Advanced Questioning & Strategy (April 19-25)

🔹 Study past exam patterns : what do they repeat?

🔹 Learn what examiners actually want in answers.

🔹 Debate answers with yourself or others (argue both sides).

🔹 Find alternative explanations for complex topics.

🔹 Challenge: What’s the hardest question you could get? Be ready.

0️⃣9️⃣ Week 9: Mastery & Confidence (April 26-May 2)

🔹 Final review: Focus only on weak spots.

🔹 80/20 Rule: What 20% of topics will help the most?

🔹 Do “last-minute style” studying—but without panic.

🔹 Take simulated exams with time limits (test performance).

🔹 Train your brain to stay confident under pressure.

🔟 Week 10: Exam-Specific Prep (May 3-May 9)

🔹 Prioritize final polishing, NOT cramming.

🔹 Review summaries, key formulas, & essay structures.

🔹 Optimize sleep & energy (don’t mess this up now).

🔹 Have a "cheat sheet" in your mind for each subject.

🔹 Last 3 days: Light review, no stress, trust your prep.

last tip !

There will be moments when u feel like giving up, when the material seems overwhelming or the effort too much. That’s when your mindset needs to kick in. The difference between success and failure isn’t about natural talent or born smart it’s about your ability to keep going when things get tough I'm talking about the material not burnout out .The truth is, hard work, perseverance, and adaptability are what lead to success not innate ability.Think of each week as a building block, each day as a step forward. Every time you study, you’re not just learning the material you’re evolving. You’re becoming more disciplined, more capable, and more confident. Even on the days when you feel like you’ve made little progress, remind yourself that you’re making small, consistent strides. These small changes compound over time

good luck !

@bloomzone

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houseofpinkboombox · 3 days ago

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Imagine having nothing to say like this? lol. And then blocking someone. Like. Why did you make it my business? Was it that I think Jews or women are people? 😂 which one was it. It's always one of the two with y'all.

This website: "It says a lot about a person if they write or make art about dark, horrific things. It says what they're like in real life. Hiding in plain sight."

Junji Ito:

#personal #this hell site is great I don't care 😂

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marauder-misprint · 2 days ago

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do you think you can write a part two to ‚He looks like his father‘? It’s just really great and I’d like to see how it goes on

Here it is! The rest of the day with Sirius and Percy! I 100% put some of Sirius' lines from canon into this - it wasn't planned but it fits.

Hope y'all enjoy ❤︎❤︎❤︎

Old school friends

part one

Sirius Black x fem!Slytherin!reader (mum reader)

3.3k words

cw: mention of war, y/n y/l/n, fluff?

You locked eyes with Narcissa the moment you and Sirius entered the Three Broomsticks. She gave you a small, knowing smile. With a quick glance to the side, you saw that Sirius was tensed up, his jaw clenched. Frankly, you’re not sure if he was scanning the gaggle of students looking for the boy who could be his son or if he saw Lucius and Narcissa and decided that this was a mistake.

“I know you said you were meeting them here, but ugh,” he mumbled as you weaved through the busy pub.

So the latter. You laughed lightly and scanned the teenagers. You discreetly pointed toward the end of the table where Percy was sitting in between Draco and Theodore Nott.

“Percy’s next to Draco,” you said.

Sirius looked where you pointed. He tried to see what you and Remus meant by the boy looking like him. He supposed the dark hair and light eyes could be similar, but he didn’t see it as strikingly as Remus did. Sirius’ eyes went wide when you turned for the parents’ end of the table instead of toward Percy.

“I thought I was-” Sirius started to say until you reached to grab his arm.

“I’m not going to interrupt him with his friends to introduce an old school friend,” you said, reminding him of who he was to Percy. “You will tolerate the adults for a few drinks. We’ll probably stop by Honeydukes or something after and you can meet him then.”

Sirius nodded and followed you to where the adults were sitting.

“Cousin!” Narcissa greeted Sirius brightly as you sat down next to her and Sirius next to you. “How is the Potter boy doing?”

“Harry’s well. Brilliant as his parents were,” Sirius answered, although his answer sounded strained. He obviously wasn’t used to talking politely with the Malfoys or the other smattering of parents around you.

You looked around the table and realized you recognized a few faces. It made sense that some of Draco’s friends’ families would’ve been invited to the Malfoy’s Christmas parties.

“Gloria Greengrass! Were you at the game?” you asked a woman across the table.

“Oh, Y/N, I thought that was your Percy down there,” Gloria responded, a saccharine smile appearing on her face. “Yes, I did attend. Since when has Percy been attending Hogwarts? I could have sworn you said he was at Durmstrang?”

“He was,” you drawled. It was easy to fall back into the almost pretentious conversation that these pure blood-centric families doled out. “But a promotion brought us to this neck of the woods and, you know Dumbledore, can’t refuse legacy students. I must say, Percy jumped at the opportunity to attend with Draco.”

Gloria laughed and then turned her piercing gaze to Sirius. She gave him an obvious once over.

“And this is?”

“Sirius Black,” you answered for him. “An old friend that I wasn’t expecting to run into today and we decided that we must catch up.”

Gloria nodded and whispered something to the woman next to her. You looked at Sirius briefly, but he was trying to wave down Madam Rosmerta to get drinks brought over for you two.

Then Narcissa leaned over to you and whispered, “Gloria is next to Bridget Zabini. Then, you have the Boyles, the Parkinsons and Marcus Montague.”

“Thank you,” you whispered back, placing your hand on top of hers.

Between the Christmas parties and Percy’s occasional letters, you recognized some of the names. However, Gloria was the only you had ever really conversed with. You sat and listened politely to their conversations. Sirius got you both butterbeers. You felt less awkward at the table with a drink in your hands.

“Do you know any of them?” you asked Sirius in a low voice.

“Remus and I keep to the Gryffindor families. But I do know Marcus next to me. Parents were friends.”

“Ah, so you’re best friends,” you teased, earning an eye roll from Sirius.

“Barely. He’s older than Bellatrix.”

“Maybe you have a thing for older men now. It has been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

He scoffed and took a swig of his drink, the foam sticking to his upper lip. You handed him a napkin.

“Good to know you still hate the foam,” Sirius muttered as he wiped it away.

“I don’t hate it. I just think it looks sloppy,” you corrected him.

Narcissa leaned forward and said, “She’s right. It does look sloppy. Anyways, Y/N, can I assume that you two have… caught up on big life occurrences?”

You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing. Narcissa had a certain kind of tact, that was for sure.

“He is aware, yes,” you said firmly.

Sirius looked from you to Narcissa to Percy and back to you.

“And what of it? Where does that leave things?” she pressed.

“Cissa. We can discuss it over tea at a later date. Now is not the time, nor the place.”

She gave you an annoyed look. She wanted details and to know how things were going to move forward with this since Sirius now knew about Percy and you brought him to butterbeers. You were mildly amused that she thought it was something you’d be willing to discuss in front of people you barely knew.

Both you and Sirius opted to listen more than participate in the conversations around you. You shared low comments here and there and responded when spoken to, but that was about it. You felt like you were a little kid being allowed to sit at the adult table for once. You understood most of the conversations but not enough to contribute. From how rigid Sirius was, you assumed he felt the same way. Some pure blood families never changed.

After a while and a few refills, you stood and signaled for Sirius to do the same.

“It’s been lovely seeing you all, but I have some errands to run before I leave the village,” you told the adults before calling down to the end of the table, “Percy, we’re leaving.”

Percy said a quick bye to his friends before joining you and Sirius near the exit of the pub.

“Percy, this is one of my friends from when I went here, Sirius Black.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” your son said, holding out his hand which Sirius shook. “Oh, I saw you earlier! After the match!”

“Yes. You were in quite a hurry to get to your mum. Can’t say I blame you,” Sirius said with a smirk.

You elbowed him in the side.

“Ow,” Sirius hissed as you gave him a sickly sweet smile.

“Wait, Mum, did you say Black? Sir, are you related to Aunt Cissa?”

You could tell that Sirius wanted to gag or say something rude. It was instinct for him, but he swallowed the urge down.

“She’s my cousin, yes.”

“Wicked.”

“Oh, and Sirius is fine. None of that sir business.”

“Perc, do you mind if he tags along? I literally haven't seen him since before you were born.”

“Yeah, whatever, Mum. Honeydukes?”

“Lead the way,” you laughed.

Percy pushed open the doors. The warm afternoon air enveloped you as you stepped out into the sunlight. Percy wasted no time and headed toward the sweets shop. You and Sirius walked behind him. You couldn’t help the smile that tugged on your lips. It was amusing to see Sirius watch Percy, trying to see what similarities others saw and imagining everything he missed in this child’s upbringing.

Just outside Honeydukes, Percy stopped and turned to face you.

“Sirius, sir, if you don’t mind me asking, which house were you in?”

“I don’t mind at all. Gryffindor.”

Percy’s face lit up. “Oh! So you must’ve known my dad!”

You froze.

“Mum says he was in Gryffindor. Any of your old mates dead?”

Embarrassment washed over you. Your son, despite all the respect and manners Durmstrang taught him, still was a teenager. You looked to Sirius to see how he would respond and you wanted to laugh at his expression. At least you did until he answered.

“Too many of them, Percy. Far too many of them.” His tone was grave.

“The war,” Percy breathed in realization. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”

Okay, maybe Durmstrang did alright.

“Ah, don’t worry ‘bout, kit. I like to think that the ones we love never really leave us. They’re always in here,” he said, patting his chest. “Anyways, what’s your favorite sweet? I’m buying. A thank you for letting me tag along.”

“Awesome! We’re so getting Shock-o-chocs!”

Percy bolted into the store to find his most frequented stand. You nudged Sirius’ as you took a step forward.

“Thanks for… not being hard on him about the war.”

“Please, least I could do. And don’t think I’m not getting you Chocolate Eternals.”

Your heart fluttered. He had remembered your favorite after all these years. It must’ve shown on your face.

As Sirius started walking toward the door, he said, “If I recall, you never could turn them down.”

You followed the boys into the shop. It wasn’t exactly as you remembered it. It felt more crowded with additional stands and a larger variety of sweets. Sirius and Percy were standing among the chocolate options, putting an ungodly amount of packages into a basket that Sirius was holding onto. You shook your head as you walked up to them.

“Not trying to drain his bank account, are you?” you asked.

“Mum, your friend insisted.”

You gave Sirius a soft glare. He had often been the recipient of your glares and knew every variation. Just like he did when you were students, he flashed you his most charming grin.

“Sirius…”

“What? If he’s really your kid, then chocolate’s one of his most important food groups and Hogwarts is depriving him of it.”

“I’m deprived, Mum,” Percy added, suddenly sporting an identical grin to Sirius.

Merlin, they were practically twins. Had this kid not inherited a single one of your genes?

“I mean, I’m not saying no. Just pointing out that Sirius is going to run himself broke.” You crossed your arms and popped your hip out. “I’m surprised you’re broke already.”

“I’m financially responsible.”

You snorted as you tossed a few Chocolate Cauldrons into the basket.

“You and the word ‘responsible’ will never be in the same sentence.”

He shrugged. “What’s life without a little risk?”

“Go buy this before we end up buying the whole place out,” you told Sirius.

Percy gave you a wide-eyed look. “Can we do that?”

“No, Percy, no. You have to pace yourself.”

Sirius, despite being a short distance away as he stood in line, said, “Godric, he’s fifteen. Cut ‘im some slack, love!”

You pressed your lips together at the endearment. The apologetic look that crossed Sirius’ face showed that he noticed his slipup too. You glanced at Percy, but he didn’t seem to think anything of it. You sighed and slung an arm over his shoulder.

“Let’s wait for Sirius outside,” you said, steering your son out of the store. “Classes going well?”

He nodded. “Bit easier than Durmstrang. Library’s better here. The moving staircases? Stupid,” he said, voice turning bitter at the mention of the stairs.

You tried not to laugh. Those stairs have always been a struggle for certain students. If Percy had started here when he was eleven, he likely wouldn't be so irritated with them now.

“Everything else is good though? Sleeping okay? Eating enough? Friends? Girlfriends?”

“Mum!” he whined. “Yeah, I’m good. All good. Got friends.”

You smiled impishly as your son turned bright red. It was your motherly duty to embarrass your son every once in a while. The bell above the Honeydukes door tinkled, announcing Sirius’ return to you.

“Where to next, L/Ns? Harry usually insists on Spintwitches, like he needs anything from there.”

“Harry?” Percy asked.

“Did I not mention? I’m Harry Potter’s uncle. You know, Gryffindor seeker,” Sirius answered.

Percy made a slight face at the clarification. You chuckled. Your indifference-leaning-dislike of James was apparently being relived by Percy and Harry.

“Not a fan, I take it?” Sirius said.

Percy tutted to buy him a moment before answering. He spoke slowly as if choosing his words carefully. “He’s not my favorite Gryffindor so far.”

“His father wasn’t mine either,” you told Percy, earning yourself an eye roll from Sirius. “Don’t think we need anything from Spintwitches… Uh, Percy, need any supplies? They got parchment, books, ink, quills, potion ingredients. Practically whatever you need.”

“I know, Mum. Not my first Hogsmeade visit,” Percy said. “Can we stop by Dogwood and Deathcap? I checked the Magic Neep for dittany last week and they were out. Draco wouldn’t go to Dogwood with me.”

You looked at Sirius, both of you nodding and then turning in the direction of the ingredients shop. Sirius kept looking at you with a smile on his face. You tried to ignore it and the way it sent butterflies into your stomach. You weren’t a teenager anymore. You were an adult with adult responsibilities and adult control over your feelings. Sirius should not have this effect on you anymore.

“How close were you two?” Percy asked, catching you and Sirius in the act of making eye contact and then immediately looking away.

“Ah, how do you kids say it these days? Frenemies?” you offered.

Sirius barked a loud laugh. He knew it was a fairly accurate description, it just left out the ‘more than friends’ portions.

“Frenemies?” Percy repeated.

“A very love-hate relationship. Don’t think your mum approved of all the trouble I got into,” Sirius confirmed. “She really didn’t like it when she got detention for something I did.”

You groaned at the memory.

“Sirius had me be his lookout while he stole from Professor Slughorn’s private stores. Potion master. And someone walked out of the closet when I clearly hadn’t given an ‘all clear’ signal.”

“I couldn’t hear you talking to Sluggy. I’ve apologized hundreds of times!”

“What other trouble did you get her into?” Percy asked eagerly.

The stories you had told him about your days weren’t the ones that ended with you in detention. You left out the stories that involved stealing from professors and the dueling in the corridors and sneaking around with Sirius and any pranks that you happened to be a part of.

Sirius hummed. “Did your mum ever tell you about the time she sent me flying into a wall? I was in the hospital wing for a week.”

“What? No? Mum?” Percy gasped. He looked between you. “What happened?”

“Your-ahem.” You cleared your throat. You had almost just called Sirius “your father” to Percy. That was a slip up you didn’t need happening. “Sirius was being an idiot and he ended up on the wrong side of my wand. It happens.” You hoped your nonchalance covered up your earlier mistake.

“The wrong side of your wand,” Sirius muttered with a shake of his head. “She hit me with Bombarda!”

“You deserved it.”

Sirius knew better than to argue with that point, especially since he didn’t fancy landing on a pumpkin in the field next to them. Sirius had been breaking up with you, again, when you sent him into the wall. You recalled it coming out of nowhere, but Sirius knew that James and Remus had urged him to get away from you. While he had been in the hospital wing due to his resulting injuries, you had nightly detention for a week.

“You went around Bombarda-ing people?” Percy asked.

“I did deserve it,” Sirius said before you could answer.

“Glad you admit it,” you told him before turning to Percy. “This is a ‘do as I say, not as I did’ situation. I’ve sat through more than my fair share of detention.”

“A whole new side to Mum… When did you stop being wild?”

You scrunched the left side of your face in thought. “Let’s see, you’re fifteen so somewhere around fifteen years ago?”

Percy made a face at you. The three of you walked up to Dogwood and Deathcap. Sirius held open the door for you. The shopkeeper greeted you from behind the counter but only Sirius got named.

“Do you have any dittany, ma’am?” Percy asked, leaning his arms on the counter to look behind her.

“That I do… Just let me grab it,” the witch answered.

As she turned to get it, Sirius stepped forward and pulled out his pouch of coins. Then you stepped forward, putting a hand over the pouch.

“I can pay,” you told him firmly.

“I want to.”

You glared at each other, each waiting for the other to back down. Somehow, you both missed Percy pulling out his own galleon and sliding it across the counter when the shopkeeper turned around with a package of dittany flowers.

“Thank you, ma’am. Mum? Sirius? You ready?”

You blinked and then looked at Percy.

“Oh, yeah. How much was it?”

“Just a galleon. Don’t worry about it. Money’s from Uncle.”

When you got back to the main street of Hogsmeade, Percy saw some of his friends heading back to the castle. He gave you one last hug and shook Sirius’ hand again before joining up with them. You and Sirius stood next to each other and watched him practically tackle Draco. Draco glanced back at you, offering a quick wave before they continued down the path.

“Didn’t tell him much about me, did you?” Sirius asked, still looking where the boys had disappeared into the horizon.

“He knows enough,” you said. “Sorry I didn’t tell him about the countless times you broke my heart.”

Sirius sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“He knows his father was smart, kind and loyal. Stuck up for his friends. I told him that his father had the brightest smile and he got it too. And he does. He has your smile.” You took a sharp breath. “I’m not sorry for leaving certain aspects out so he can have a good image of who his father is.”

“Thank you, then. For making me sound better than I am.”

You scoffed, or laughed. It was a mix.

“It’s all true, Sirius. The only lie I’ve told him about you is that you’re dead.”

“How did I die?”

This time, it was a real laugh that left your lips, full of warmth. It was the laugh that made Sirius fall in love with you time after time during your time at Hogwarts.

“At the hands of dark magic. If you had died in the war, it would’ve been the truth.”

“Ah, too bad I survived.”

You hummed. “Too bad.” You gave Sirius a kind smile. “I really should be going. And you should be finding Remus.”

You made to step off to the side where the Floo network was connected, but Sirius reached out to stop you.

“Where are you living nowadays?” he asked rushedly.

“Um, London. Why?”

“I told you, if you’d want to, I want to try again. Let me take you on a date. I’m in Godric’s Hollow, but I’ll go to wherever if you’re there.”

You pursed your lips as you considered it. You had said you would talk about it later. Sirius had played nice with the Malfoys and other Slytherin families. He did well with Percy. It had been a nice afternoon.

“Do you have a phone?” you asked.

“No? That’s a muggle thingy, right?”

You exhaled out of your nose. “Yeah. Then, I mean, I’m reachable by owl. We can grab a drink sometime.”

Sirius smiled widely and let go of your arm. You returned his smile, although yours was more polite while his was full of joy. You grabbed a handful of powder and vanished in a flash of green flames. Sirius waited a moment, staring where you had previously been standing. He had a son and the promise of a drink with you. He shook his head in disbelief as he turned to make his way back to the castle so he could find Remus. This really hadn’t been the day he was expecting when they arrived for the quidditch match, but he wasn’t complaining.

tags: @corawithfanfiction, @bruxa0007, @ayyeitssarahh, @jgdhmeynsgn

#marauders #marauders fic #marauder-misprint #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black fluff #slytherin!reader #request

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killthefuckinglights · 2 days ago

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to anyone feeling down about michelle trachtenberg's tragic passing, I want to let y'all know the entire Truth or Scare series that she hosted on discovery kids in the early 2000s is free on youtube:

it's the show that got me into the paranormal as a kid, and I always thought michelle did such a wonderful job creating a creepy vibe when setting up the stories. she will be missed 😔🖤

#michelle trachtenberg #truth or scare #paranormal #aliens #ufos #ghosts

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kingkat12 · 9 hours ago

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forever (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: angst, mentions of blood, ANGST (SORRY IN ADVANCE)

summary: nothing will ever be the same again after you've find out what Roman truly is-- you can be sure of that now.

word count: 5,093

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13

a/n: GOSH I'M BACK! 13 is the lucky number (not). this chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but it's more than enough for this scene... I can't breathe omg. thank you to everyone that has helped me with brainstorming and clearing my mind about this scene, specifically @mentallyscreamingsincebirth who read about 7 different drafts (poor soul), and I'M SO SORRY. SO SO SORRY Y'ALL. ENJOY... tbh that's not the right word, so, good luck!!!

Loving Roman had consequences right from the start.

However, I never imagined it would lead to this.

My hands trembled as I clutched the knife, though I couldn't tell if it was from fear or the sheer weight of the situation. Roman hadn't moved an inch since I'd pointed it at him, but the way he loomed in front of me made every second stretch unbearably long. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the faint hum of the fridge-- my breath caught in my throat as he tilted his head, his green eyes flickering with something unreadable, something quiet.

Then, without warning, a slow exhale left his lips as though he was indifferent-- Roman's shoulders slackened, the tension bleeding from his frame as if this entire moment had bored him. And then, just like that, he put his tux jacket on the kitchen island before he turned away.

I flinched at the movement, but all Roman did was step toward the fridge, peeling it open with a lazy sort of ease. He bent down, rummaging through the shelves, shifting the milk aside like I wasn't still standing there, terrified.

I turned with him, still pointing the blade in his direction as my pulse threatened to rupture my ears-- this was the biggest mind-fuck of the century. This night was. My brows drew together as I dared to speak, confusion drowning my anxious words; "What are you doing?"

Roman shrugged. "I have a feeling this is gonna take a while, and I'm really fucking hungry. Do you know how many calories you burn from beating up assholes?" Another sigh followed-- he continued to speak into the fridge as he shuffled through the vegetables; "You're not wearing your dress."

It sounded like a casual remark, yet I knew it was loaded with the intent of getting me to explain myself. The longer I stayed quiet, the more I could hear my heart pound. "I changed,"

"Where?"

"... Here?"

Roman shook his head, remnants of a knowing smirk painting his lips-- it didn't reach his eyes. "I don't think we should be starting this conversation off with more lies,"

His words were chilling. I struggled to find mine. I cleared my throat over and over as my hands got clammy around the knife I had yet to lower; "I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Come on," Roman huffed, rolling his eyes as he straightened up, reaching for the handle of the fridge. When he turned his head to meet my gaze, I felt my breathing knot itself in my chest-- I hated this feeling. I hated being scared of my boyfriend. I hated that I couldn't bring myself to put away the kitchen knife I was still pointing at him. Roman continued; "I've been waiting for you for about... what, fifteen minutes? You didn't change here, and those clothes aren't yours."

Fighting the urge to stay tongue-tied, I snapped; "And you shouldn't have broken into my house in the first place! That's crossing all fucking boundaries!--"

BOOM.

The fridge door slammed shut with a force that rattled the shelves.

I jolted. A sharp, pathetic squeak clawed up my throat before I could stop it. My pulse jumped, breath hitching-- fuck.

Roman had never looked more intimidating; "I see we're past talking about boundaries!" he hissed, glancing down at the knife in my trembling hands. His attempts at containing his anger were cracking.

"Fine," I bit back. "Let's talk about the important piece of information you so conveniently failed to tell me, then!"

Roman blinked. I knew him too well; I could see his mind racing behind those big, beautiful eyes. I shouldn't be looking into them. "The car crash?" he asked, attempting to soften his voice. Something told me he got hopeful that he had hit bingo about the subject, and that he could somehow salvage this; "I'll tell you everything you want, baby. No problem, okay? Where do you want me to start?--"

"Don't fuck with me, Roman!" One of my hands left the knife as my tremble subsided, and I steadied my stance. "Enough!"

Roman's fists clenched, and his gaze pierced mine with rays of ice. It took him some time to let it sink in-- we were about to have this conversation, whether he wanted to or not. We were going to talk about what he was. Despite the horror of the situation, my body filled with a satisfaction unlike anything I had ever felt before; I had pieced it together. I had cornered him. I had caught the liar, and I had done it all by myself.

However, the liar in question didn't want to relent so easily; "This is about Daniel, isn't it? The little shit who confessed he'd get off to snapping your neck in half?"

"It's... What?" My frustration possessed me as I gestured with the knife, exasperated. "No, Roman! It's not that, and you know it!"

Roman let out a quick, icy breath as his fists clenched and unclenched-- deny, deny, deny. "He had it coming," he breathed. "I don't get why you're holding a knife at me for giving that guy what he deserved!"

"That's not why I'm!--"

"You think I went too far?" Roman scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. Deny, deny, deny. "You think I should've let him walk away after hurting you, is that it?"

This was beyond frustrating now. It was infuriating, actually. Roman's dismissal of the real topic of concern drove me into a state I hadn't been in before; it almost made my vision go red. Then, it took me a second to realize my vision was blurring because of more causes than one-- with tears pooling in my eyes, I watched as Roman continued his angry rant;

"I don't get you! Why the fuck are you pulling a knife on your boyfriend for protecting you?! I was the one who saved you, I was the one who made sure you got the revenge you deserved, and what do I get in return? That terrified look on your fucking face?!"

Roman was yelling now.

Yelling.

I kept telling myself he didn't mean it, that he was simply anxious to face the truth that I knew his biggest secret, but... now that I knew what he was, it only made me grip the knife harder. What if he suddenly pounced at me? What if he got so overcome by anger that he lunged my way out of pure instinct?

I flinched when Roman raised his hands, yet I let out a shaky breath of relief when they went to his hair, ripping at the tips of his brown locks in frustration; "I have done everything to protect you! I-- I messed him up, okay, but!--"

Enough. "Protect me?! You think this is protection?!"

The panic Roman had painted across his face for sympathy got wiped away the second I raised my voice too. His act wasn't working. His distractions weren't working. Nothing was. "It is," he hissed.

"No!" The tears that had welled in my eyes threatened to spill. "You should've left me alone the second you started feeling anything for me! That would've been protection, that would've mercy!"

Roman closed his eyes and sucked in a sharp line of air-- "Don't say that," he breathed. "You're crossing the line."

"Crossing... the line?!"

"You are," he continued, blindly gesturing at the knife. "Point your knives, call me whatever, say all the shit you want, but not that. What we have is damn near holy to me, so keep that out of your mouth."

I had half the mind to throw the knife at him. Enough was enough, I couldn't stand it anymore; "You're insane!" I yelled. "You're batshit crazy, and you're out of your fucking mind if you think that you were protecting me all this time! You've only put me in danger!"

Roman's eyes widened with offence. "I have not!--"

"You urged me to slice my hand in front of you, and you sucked my fucking blood that time you decided you wanted to blood-bind us or whatever the fuck those vials were for! How dare you put me in that situation when you know what you are?!"

Silence.

In the void of sound we had created, I could hear a light tapping against the windows-- it was raining. Outside, the grass was given the opportunity to grow. At this very moment, flowers all around were watered with new energy for life; yet here I was, being drained of all of mine.

Roman's face twitched with multiple emotions, unable to decide which one to settle for as he lowered his gaze. Had he ever prepared for this moment? I wondered if he had. I wondered whether he had ever laid in bed at night, riddled with guilt and the weight of the world, and whether he had ever thought about coming clean. Had he thought he could get away with it, that I would never find out?

Finally, Roman opened his mouth; "I..."

It didn't take long before it shut again.

A shaky breath escaped me when I realized my knuckles were going white around the knife. I was about to say something, maybe even dig deep into my soul to search for words of comfort; yet when Roman's eyes fully focused on mine again, I felt my whole world freeze over.

Roman's pupils widened, fixating on me as though I was prey, a big deer in the wilderness. He knew the act was up, that the game was over, and instead of facing it, he fixated on the one thing he felt he could still control. His words came out with a low growl; "You have something of mine,"

... What?

He took a threatening step forward.

My breath hitched; I readied my brain for possible combat.

"The vial," Roman hissed. "Where is it?"

Another step.

"It's mine. If this is how you want to do this, I want it back,"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Back-- Back off!--"

With Roman's next step, my body tensed up with the realization that he was speeding up--

It was now or never.

With a shriek, I tossed the knife in his direction out of pure fear, and ran out of the kitchen as my screams emptied my lungs. The pounding of my heart filled my ears as I heard the clashing of pots and pans, possibly the sound of Roman jumping over the kitchen island to get to me, and it only made me panic more.

He called out my name, a yell of rage, as I made it past the living room and into the hallway.

I was running for my life.

A ragged scream tore from my throat as I snatched the nearest object, a flimsy umbrella, and flung it behind me without looking. It didn't matter. He'd dodge it. He'd always dodge it.

Tears burned down my face, blurring the steps ahead as I bolted up the stairs. My chest heaved, my legs burned, but I pushed-- pushed like my life depended on it, because it did.

I was going to die, wasn't I?

This was it.

But for a second, a stupid, desperate second, my brain tricked me; maybe I could make it? Maybe I could outrun him? Maybe, maybe I could get out of this alive?

I chanced a glance over my shoulder--

Roman wasn't there.

My heart stopped. Relief slammed into me so hard that my knees nearly buckled.

Too soon.

I saw it too late-- the flicker of movement at the edge of my vision.

Roman's hand, appearing at the top of the banister.

He hadn't run up the stairs. He'd jumped. From the first floor to the second in a single, monstrous leap.

A scream ripped from my throat as he vaulted over the railing, his body a blur, his weight crashing into me before I could even think to run.

My back hit the ground hard, but before I could even feel the pain, something else registered.

His hand. Between my head and the floor, cushioning the blow.

My breath stuttered, my body locked in pure terror as I fought, thrashed, pounded my fists against his chest-- but it was useless. He didn't budge.

My heartbeat was a deafening drumbeat of panic; I wasn't getting away. I wasn't getting away.

I wasn't getting away.

Then, Roman grabbed my hands and slammed them to the floor, pinning me down with a groan. His voice was sharp, teetering on the edge of control; "Stop it!" he yelled. "Stop fighting! I'm not going to hurt you!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, the tears still coming. I didn't believe him. I couldn't believe him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he continued. "Since when do you throw knives at me?!"

I kept trying to kick him off. It didn't work. Nothing did.

Roman's chest heaved above mine, his grip tightening before he seemed to catch himself-- his fingers loosened just slightly. His voice dropped, a thread of disbelief woven through the frustration. "You're really afraid of me, aren't you?"

I let out a quiet sob, unable to speak.

Roman's breath shook, his head tilting as if seeing me for the first time. He exhaled through his nose, but his next words wavered; "After all this time... you really think I could hurt you?"

Something in his voice made me pause. He wasn't just angry anymore, he was... wounded.

"After everything?" he breathed. His fingers curled around my wrists, but this time, they trembled.

I didn't answer. I couldn't.

That silence, that awful, confirming silence, broke him. Roman's expression crumpled as he clutched my wrists like a lifeline, his breath uneven. The anger drained from him in an instant, replaced by something desperate, raw, broken.

"You're breaking my heart," he breathed.

The words shattered between us.

I stilled, my own heartbeat stammering.

In the muted space of my lack of words, Roman let out a quiet, shuddering laugh, his green eyes glossing over. "Letha told you, didn't she?" His voice cracked, barely above a whisper; "You're wearing her clothes, and you kinda smell like her expensive incense for crazy people. Don't tell me she performed some ritual on you?"

I swallowed hard. Telling him the truth felt dangerous; I needed to protect my last ally, didn't I? "No," I whispered. "No rituals. There was no Letha. I figured it out by myself... I-- I read a book." At least there was some truth to what I was saying.

Roman uttered something between a scoff and a choked breath, shaking his head. His lips curled, but there was no humor in it. "All by yourself?" he muttered. "That's my girl."

Acid filled my next words, overcome by emotion; "You left me no choice,"

"I didn't?"

"You didn't,"

"That's nonsense," Roman mumbled. "We could've avoided all of this. We could've had a few good years with you in the dark."

His face was too hard to read. His expressive eyes were so cold and hard with his conviction-- he really believed that, didn't he? "Years?" I whispered. "With me... in the dark?"

"Yeah," Breathless. He was breathless. "A decade, maybe."

It didn't take me long to piece it together. It would take a decade until he looked considerably younger than me. Would he have let me in on his secret then?

"That wouldn't have been enough," I said, choking back my tears. "I wanted a whole life with you, Roman."

His next inhale was shaky, yet quick-- finally, he could be sure that he had lost. "So you... you really know, now?"

I knew.

And I could barely speak it; "That you're a upir? Yeah,"

Roman had yet to let me go. "Fuck..." he breathed, nodding to himself. "There goes that."

There it goes.

All the stolen glances, all the kisses, all the joy, all the love.

It was draining the life out of the both of us. "I'm not going to ask you to forgive me," Roman tried. "But can I at least... please have the vial?" His voice broke at the end of his sentence, and he bit down on his bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

My words came out with a tremble; "I-- I threw it away. It was affecting you horribly, and I don't want that for you... I don't want you to be in pain, Roman, despite everything you are,"

He sucked in a sharp breath, his whole body locking up as if my words had just stabbed into him. "I'll have nothing of you, then?" His voice was barely there, so fragile it made my chest ache. "When you leave me, I'll... I'll have nothing?"

I blinked. When I leave?

Was he... planning to let me go?

"You're breaking my heart," Roman echoed, his shoulders trembling as he let go of my wrists to cradle my face in his hands.

The touch nearly made me flinch. Had I not been so intent on my survival, I would've pushed him away with a shudder. I didn't want him touching me, not now that I knew who and what he was, yet I endured it for the sake of my life.

Roman's grip faltered as he watched me fail to hide my fear, and his fingers trailed to my cheeks as he took in the look on my face.

"I can never trust you again," I whispered. "Never hold you, never kiss you... Not now that I know what you are."

Roman's fingers slowly brushed over my cheek, shaking. "But... it was supposed to be you and me," he breathed. "Forever."

Forever.

The word sent a sharp ache through my ribs.

Roman's eyes shut, his face twisting with something too deep to name. "I know I should've stayed away..." A shuddering inhale. "I should've just kept on being miserable."

I choked down a sob; "Rome," I whispered. What else was there to say?

The nickname hit him like a bullet. Roman's voice was rough when he dared to speak; "I wasn't supposed to feel like this for anyone... That was my one rule," He pulled back just enough to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot, and his jaw was tight like he was forcing the words out. "I don't know when it happened, and I don't know how it happened, but I woke up one day and realized that I-- fuck!"

Overcome by his emotions, Roman let out a sharp, bitter laugh; "I didn't want this, okay? I didn't-- God, I didn't fucking want to feel anything for you at all! I didn't want us to ever happen in the first place!"

The words should've hurt. They were meant to hurt, why else would Roman say them? But the way he said them, so wrecked, so lost, made my heart ache instead.

Roman exhaled hard, tilting his head back like he was trying to keep it together. "You have no idea how much I fought feeling anything for you... You have no idea how many times I told myself that it was nothing, that it would go away, and that you were just!--" He stopped, his breath hitching. "That you were just some meaningless girl, something temporary, a distraction at most, and not!--"

He didn't say it.

He couldn't.

Not yet.

"And I--" Roman stopped, like the next part physically hurt to say. "I should've told you about this, I should've told you who I am. You deserved that much, and I tried, I swear! I-- I wanted to. But every time I got close, every time I thought, this is it, tell the fucking girl, be a man, I'd look at you and-- and I got scared."

Finally, I could be sure the world was going under. The notorious Roman Godfrey was scared, and even worse, admitting to it.

"Because if I told you, you'd leave!" he said, voice raw with pain. "And I couldn't-- I can't!--" He was shattering right before my eyes, shattering into a million pieces. "Fuck, you have to understand! I didn't keep it from you to hurt you, I kept it from you because I'd lose everything!"

Roman swallowed hard, and in the smallest, quietest voice, he whispered; "I never, ever wanted to lose you. Nothing else matters like this, I-- I love you too much to function,"

Silence.

Thick. Suffocating.

Roman Godfrey... loved me?

He loved me.

Roman loved me.

And here he was, looking down at me with those big, pleading, green eyes like it would fix everything. Like it would fix the fact that he could kill me within a second. Like it would fix his blood-thirst.

"Please," he breathed, heartbroken with my lack of response. "You're not saying anything. Please say something."

All the times I had sensed something was wrong and convinced myself I was crazy rushed through my mind, clouding my shock at Roman's confession. It was torturous how he had let me remain in the dark for so long. Was that love, or was that selfishness?

I knew the answer.

"That's not love, Roman," I whispered. "That's fear."

His face fell. "No," he tried. "Don't-- Don't say that, it's not--"

"You say you didn't tell me because you didn't want to lose me, but what do you think this is? What do you think is happening right now?" My voice wavered, heat rushing to my face. "You talk about love like it's this big, tragic thing you had no control over, but you chose to lie to me above all else! You chose to put me in danger every time you were ever near me!"

I pushed against his chest, my body trembling with the force of my anger; Roman could've easily stayed put, could've easily kept me pinned to the ground, yet he relented, his eyes wide with hurt as he allowed me to push him away and sit up.

"You let me walk around and doubt myself for months, Roman! You let me drive myself crazy, trying to understand what the hell was wrong with me and why I was even doubting you, when this whole time-- this whole time, you were lying to my face!"

Roman ran a hand through his hair, looking wrecked. "What did you want me to do?!--"

"Anything but this, you fucking asshole!" I shoved myself off the floor, feeling my heart pound. "And you don't get to look at me like that, like I've wrecked your life! You don't get to act like this is just something sad that happened to us when this could've been prevented all along if you'd just stayed the fuck away!"

"That's not fair!" Roman yelled through the tears welling in his eyes. "You were basically throwing yourself at me!--"

"And you shouldn't have let me!"

"Come on!" Desperate, Roman reached for me, but I jerked away so fast that I nearly tripped.

"Don't!" My voice cracked, but it didn't matter. "Don't you fucking touch me, how dare you!" Every nerve in my body was screaming at me to tell him that I loved him too, that we could find a way to make it work, that I would always love him no matter what... but Letha's warnings ran through my head.

She had told me he was dangerous. She told me about his urges, how he would forever be hungry for blood, and that I risked my life every minute I was near him. Letha explained how Roman could hear the heartbeats of everyone within a certain radius, and that every thump reminded him of how hungry he was.

But now, as I looked into his hurt eyes, I could only see...

Pain.

I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't hurt him any longer, as Letha said I needed to do-- I had to move. Roman's voice was a faint echo as I started taking shaky steps toward my bedroom; there was no chance I'd outrun him if he wanted to chase me again, so I walked. It didn't take long before I heard him scrambling up from the floor as well, following me into my room.

I could feel him behind me when I stepped inside.

The door clicked shut.

My heart pounded, and I knew he could hear it. I knew.

"Baby--"

"Don’t," I breathed, stopping in the middle of the room before I turned around to face him. Even at this moment, he was beautiful. He was breathtaking in his shirt, even though his previously neat hairstyle had fallen apart with all the running and struggling. How was this fair?

I heard the shift in Roman's breathing, and how he tried to swallow the desperation in his throat. "You’re scared of me,”

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Yes,”

"You don’t have to be," he whispered. "I would never--"

"I do,"

A sharp, broken exhale. He took a step closer, daring to get in my personal space, and I flinched before I could stop myself.

Roman froze.

Silence. Again.

And then--

He dropped to his knees.

I gasped. His hands clutched the fabric of my shirt, Letha's shirt, his forehead pressing against my stomach like he was praying to me. His breath was shaky, his fingers curling and uncurling as if he didn’t know whether to hold me or let me go.

"Please," His voice was wrecked, hoarse with unshed tears. "Please don’t do this."

I stood frozen, my hands shaking at my sides. I wanted to cradle him, wanted to sink down to the floor and hold him, but I couldn't move.

Roman pressed a kiss to my stomach, then another. Then my ribs. Then my hip. A desperate, reverent kind of touch. Not to seduce, not to possess-- but to beg.

"I love you," His voice cracked, his lips ghosting over the fabric of my shirt. "I love you so much, I can’t-- fuck, I can’t lose you!--"

"Roman--"

His body shuddered against mine, his fingers twitching where they clung to me, like if he just held on tightly enough, none of this would be real. "I can control it," he pleaded. "I swear, I swear, baby, please!--"

I swallowed hard, my throat tight. I wanted to believe him so bad, wanted to relent, yet Letha's voice echoed in my head; "He will hurt you,"

"I won’t hurt you," he choked out, contradicting my every thought. "I’d rather die."

My breath hitched as my hands trembled, longing to reach for him. I pressed my lips together, trying to force down the sob rising in my throat; "If you don't want to hurt me, you-- you have to leave. You have to let me go,"

Roman's fingers clutched the fabric of my shirt as he shook his head, a frantic, shattered movement. No, no, no. "I don’t want to," His voice was raw. "Don’t make me. Please don't-- please don't make me."

I squeezed my eyes shut. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. "Roman..."

He knew he had lost. It was over. There was nothing more to say. Slowly, painfully, he pulled back, looking up at me with wide, devastated eyes, silent tears streaking his face. He pressed one last, trembling kiss to my hip.

And then--

Roman let go.

He pushed himself up onto unsteady legs. Stumbled back, one step, two.

Heavy.

Everything was, until I felt the relief of his eyes leaving mine. It felt like the weight of his attention lifted a ton from my shoulders. But the momentary solace quickly left me when I watched Roman's gaze shift--

He stilled.

The change was instant. His entire body locked up so tight it was like something inside him had snapped. His breath came shallow, his shoulders rising and falling in sharp, stuttered movements. His fingers flexed and curled like they didn’t know what to do.

I followed his line of sight with my breath catching in my chest, and my stomach dropped when I saw what he was looking at.

The book.

That fucking book.

The Avoidable Vampirism - The Upir.

It lay there on my nightstand, its pages still open, marked by the frantic creases my fingers had pressed into them over and over again. There was no hiding it now.

With a sharp turn, I glanced back at Roman with huge eyes, wondering whether anger would take over his body and trigger him to chew me to death. But alas-- nothing.

Roman didn’t move.

He just stared. His lips parted slightly, his lashes fluttering as he blinked through the tears in his eyes, but he didn’t speak. I could see it, the way the pieces started clicking into place in his mind, how the dots connected in a way that destroyed him.

Finally, we both knew it was over.

Then--

Defeated, Roman turned away.

It was sudden, almost violent, the way he ripped himself away. He staggered toward my window, one hand swiping at his face as he smeared his tears into his skin, his breath a sharp, hollow sound. His entire body shook like he was barely keeping himself together, like the second he stepped outside, he would completely break apart.

Roman reached for the window.

Shoved it open.

But just for a second, he hesitated.

For a second.

For me.

He waited.

He was begging me to say something, to stop him, to tell him he didn’t have to go.

But I didn’t. I couldn't.

So, Roman climbed through the window I had snuck him in through countless times. We had shared countless kisses there; kisses of passion, kisses of joy, kisses goodbye, kisses hello. But now, there would be no more.

With one final look back, his green eyes seared into mine with a look I would never forget.

And then--

Roman Godfrey was gone.

I stood there for longer than I'd ever admit to anyone, staring at the empty space he'd left behind, waiting for him to come back. I could still smell him-- the deep cologne and the faint, metallic tinge of blood clinging to my shirt where he'd been pressed against me just minutes ago. It was Daniel's blood, a trace of what had happened earlier tonight. I couldn't believe I had been happy just a few hours ago. A few hours was all it took to unravel everything.

It was like he had left a ghost of himself behind--- something half-alive, something that would never quite let go of me.

Nothing but the sound of my own breathing filled up the room. It sounded too loud, too shaky. My fingers drifted into my pocket without thinking, curling around the cold glass buried there.

The vials clinked together as I rolled them between my fingers-- his blood, my blood, trapped inside two fragile little prisons, always touching but never quite meeting.

I brought them to my lips, squeezing my eyes shut— I could never get rid of them. Never.

If I crushed them right now, if I just closed my fist and shattered them into a thousand tiny shards, maybe this whole nightmare would shatter with them? Maybe I would wake up and he would still be here, begging me not to send him away? Maybe I could've made a different choice? Maybe he would wrap his arms around me again and swear that he would never hurt me, and maybe this time I would believe him?

But I didn't crush them-- I couldn't.

Instead, I pressed the glass harder against my lips until I tasted the salt of my tears on the rim.

At least in this form, we could be together.

Forever.

(a/n: ... sorry not sorry. this was heartbreaking to write, believe me. but this isn't the last chapter, that will be the next, and y'all are in for a RIDE!! thank you so so much for reading this, aaaand just quick psa, I will not be compensating anyone for their possible need for an ambulance or any funeral services cause I'm obv evil:))) JK MWAH🥹🌸 THANK YOUUU<333)

here are all the chapters!<3: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13

loveliest taglist of all time:

@mentallyscreamingsincebirth @putherup @corawithfanfiction @vladsgirlxx

@iamaslytherin0 @sexualparkour @the-universe-is-complicated @heavenly-bratt

@lafemme-nk @namiusedbubble @useyourwandbro @strmborns @literally-lani

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wizard-of-interesting-failure · 2 days ago

Text

No you know what I'm gonna take a second here. [Highly unhinged rant at the fundamental injustice, inefficiency, and sheer bloody-minded stupidity of current social technology below the cut]

Absolute horse piss. God, even setting aside how she deserved better from everyone around her and had the same right to a fully accepted authentic life as everyone else, imagine what she could have done if she was supported instead of being treated like this. If she wasn't fired from her job, ejected from her support network, and didn't have to constantly advocate for herself and people like her to be treated like human beings (which was brave and good work worthy of being honored but should never have been necessary in the first place, like rescuing people from a building that collapsed because it was built like shit)

Like okay I don't talk about this that often but I'm a kidney transplant recipient and I think a lot about how the field (like every other avenue of human endeavour) has been crippled by short-sighted bigotry. STEM fields are still hugely male-dominated (sidebar STEM is not the be all and end all creatives y'all super valid and important and your work is foundational to the functioning of STEM and human endeavour and quality of life as a whole; this is just the example that highlights the point for me personally) and it's like. If we didn't push literally everyone except cishet white guys well off enough to afford tertiary education away from everything in the area, would I just have an artificial kidney by now? Who knows?? I'm probably never fucking going to because stupid nonsense.

It's the same shit. And don't get me wrong, the individual human tragedy of unnecessary hardships on the part of this (and every) trans woman (and so many other groups besides) is morally horrible and an indictment of culture as a whole. But we'd probably have fucking blade runner robots or quantum computers or working fusion reactors or Actual Cool AI Instead Of The Current Horseshit by this point! Or a real Mars colony instead of some blowhard yammering on about it while he inflicts suffering on untold millions! Or God knows what else!

And don't even get me started on lack of opportunity for almost everybody in the world. It's like that quote about all the potential einsteins who were born and died impoverished without ever even touching a science textbook.

Like you wanna know why we're struggling so much? Population increase is supposed to mean more hands and minds on every problem but it doesn't because...ugh! Imagine if we cared about global poverty. Imagine how many more lives free of hunger. Imagine how many more people thinking about how to solve everything that needs solving.

I just. The morality is bad enough. It's a great evil by itself. But the sheer fucking gall of dressing it up behind progress and hard decisions. Do you have any idea how much "progress" this costs us? What a good investment humanity would be if we pulled our heads out of our asses for two seconds? What you, personally, have lost because the person who would have given it to you lived and died in preventable despair?

Again, I have to emphasise. People are worthy without contributing huge individual achievements to the arc of history. Society is a collective and everything everyone does adds to the weave and adds up to what we as a whole achieve, there's no real separating out of "this person did this thing" when they were supported by the entire collective of humanity past and present, and even if there was achievement is not the sole benchmark by which life is measured. A better life for everyone is the point, and the idea of "if I don't think you're contributing then you don't deserve anything" is a big part of how we got here in the first place.

There is no culling of the "unproductive". They are the ones who need this most of all. Every life matters, every life (yes, even that one) is a roll of the dice for a miracle of insight (not just in STEM; it all fucking matters and it always has), every life is its own purpose, every life is worthy, to save one life is to save all of mankind, to enrich one life is to enrich all of mankind, to be a life that is enriched is to be enriched on behalf of all of mankind, and none of these facts depend upon any others. There's a mind in there! A self-perceiving miracle of reality! Of course it's precious beyond measure regardless of context, you dipshit!

We can celebrate great advances and exceptional performances without ignoring that we, as a whole, made these things possible too. And we can recognise that these things are valuable because of what they do for everyone, and that the more everyone there is the more valuable they are, and that in order for making life better for the worse off to matter the worse off themselves must matter, and that every life is worthy and every soul is sacred and the people using Lynn's technology to help with their disabilities or live hidden from those who wish them harm or resist the forces I'm talking about here are why the technology is a force for good in the first place.

But I weep for the fact that we have squandered almost all human potential across all of history in short-sighted power-seeking and arbitrary outgroup punishments, and everyone everywhere has suffered for it. Yes, even the stupid billionaires; they'd probably live longer if they hadn't stepped on the people who would have discovered the cure for whatever ends up killing them. Today's average well-off human knows riches that would be the envy of the kings of old, and the average human if none of this was a problem would know riches that would be the envy of the oligarchs of today.

Lives being lived in ways that diminish other lives are ideally changed minimally so that they no longer do (this is the maximisation of collective freedom) and consigned to any other fate only with great sorrow. Even if it is right to do so, I do not believe it is ever righteous. Even if it is not regrettable that it was done in the present, it is regrettable that the past produced a present that required it, and a future that does better should ever be sought.

Just...fucking stupid. That we're so willing impoverish ourselves so that some other people we don't like for no reason can be impoverished more. That the only thing keeping us from Star Trek (not just the spaceships but everything else too) is petty fucking spite (and physics but who knows what backdoor bullshit we could find to work around that).

That Lynn Conway's life, extraordinary and laudable as it was, was made smaller by this rank fucking idiocy. I do not aim to diminish her work by considering what it could have been. I aim to diminish the age she was forced to live in.

Rest in peace, Lynn. You deserved unfathomably, infinitely fucking better, and we are all richer for what you managed to pull off in spite of it all.

#not wizardposting #😡#I am massively privileged and this is very off the cuff so there are probably parts that are condescending or ignorant #or carry implications or biases i am unaware of #but i really hope the general sentiment comes across regardless #this has been on my chest forever and oh look! proper medication means i can finally say something. fancy fucking that #posting the take to find out if part of it is shit

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