wizard-of-interesting-failure

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Wow! It happened so slowly I never even noticed!

ten years in the pond made you a fucking frog

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WIZARD PSA: The scales are not a suitable substitute for rare gems, you monsters.

baby dragons whose scales are much more shiny and iridescent in order to hide in their parents' hoards

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Ah, that tracks. Explains the pit of toxic yuri beneath the altar area, too.

"This wedding is going to be a disaster. The bride and groom both look miserable."

"Be quiet! The alliance is on shaky ground as it is. It won't survive if this marriage falls through."

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You should see some of the shit the guys cleaning up after my hapless ass have to put up with. They are paid a king's ransom and it's worth every penny.

Okay but these fucking dudes are trying hard to reach an audience and I respect the fuck out of them for it. 12/10 sanitation department of New York City.

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This is how I get at least two-thirds of my clients tbh

Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack it

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Have you considered an infamous military facility in Nevada?

I've recently been longing for a friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend~ to sleep

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Not sure why this thing is being held in the Cathedral Of If You Talk Too Loudly The Floor Gives Out, but I'm sure they had a good reason.

"This wedding is going to be a disaster. The bride and groom both look miserable."

"Be quiet! The alliance is on shaky ground as it is. It won't survive if this marriage falls through."

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WIZARD TIP: Six gallons gets you a bonus desk plant.

Nothing Doing no. 44

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Ah, but there are also certain courtship behaviours...

What are some good beginner level human activities aside from breathing the air?

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Flat Stanley's Final Word: BATTERY (as in "OH FUCK A CAR BATTERY")

YOU JUST DROPPED A CAR BATTERY ON THE WIZARD'S COUNCIL

that's what they get for banning Flat Stanley's Final Sacrifice.

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WIZARD TIP: Time is cheap if you're not the one buying it. Push as much labor as possible onto your long-suffering golem servant; that way you're free to spend the whole day fucking up without having to worry about silly things like feeding yourself or maintaining your wizard blog.

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Addendum: when you see something that needs to be done and you think "someone who knows what they're doing should take care of that", remember that you're someone capable of learning.

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Your sick-ass infinite combo line isn't gonna do shit if you get beaten to death by goblins before you finish it.

it doesn’t have to be good it just has to be done

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WIZARD TIP: If you can find a queen and miniaturise a few monster spawners, these are actually great for an Adventurer Farm.

Cool Lich commission I did some time ago. Always happy to draw some skellies.

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WIZARD TIP: Light a fuse.

i cast a really tiny fireball and it didnt do fucking anything

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I still think about these lil nerds a lot…

• • •

Want something similar?

🌱 Commission me for these lil potion bottles over on VGen!

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New 5G conspiracy theory: the government is trying to crush us under the weight of our own bodies.

i wish earth had less gravity