#i did complete everything in 1.5 with a friend when it came out though

[perilegs]

i mod sdv very sparingly but i have nothing but endless love towards how concernedape works with modders so we can play new updates modded as soon as they drop. now there's even going to be an option of not updating the game! how lovely is that!

[naveenkumarchandra]

Health and Fitness: A Personal Journey.

Hello everyone, I hope all of your are doing well. Today we will be talking about health and fitness, focusing on the working professionals and students. I have also released this article as a podcast episode for those who wish to listen and prefer that mode. Now, let’s begin.

As far back as I can remember, I was always an athletic kid, into multiple sports right from early childhood. I used to play outside till very late in the evening and I used to play in whatever small breaks we could get in school. The same was true for college as well, the maximum amount of time I spend was on the football field for sure. But, while I was very athletic I was also severely underweight for my height and age. In college third year, I weighed 54 Kgs, the right weight for me then was around 10 Kgs more than my weight. I was underweight, of course I was also suffering from lack of multiple vital nutrients like Vitamin D, C, Iron etc. It was then that I decided I needed to take care of the issue and I started my fitness journey. But back then, I was a college student, life was very chilled out, no pressure, no stress, with friends and it was relatively easier. I am not saying college life doesn’t have any stress, but it is still easier to manage while you are a student. For working professionals though, it is a completely different challenge, to ensure that you workout and also eat healthy is an uphill task and I know it as recently I restarted my fitness journey after a long break of 3 years. Back in college, after starting on this path, I did well, I gained weight and muscles, and by the time I passed out, I was 71 Kgs, perfect for my body, my height and age. I continued working out after passing out, all the while I was preparing for UPSC, I was working out daily, in fact my whole preparation and schedule of the same was built around my gym timings and it was the best decision I made during my preparation. Actually my fitness jounreny had a very important and crucial role to play in my UPSC preparation, let me tell you an instance which paved way for my preparation. So, it was after second year and I was home and it was the beginning when I was starting to think, only think of UPSC as a possibility, so I told my father. He was of course happy but he also knew how incredibly unpredictable and luck based exam it is so he was cautious and he knew that ever since I went to IIT I was perhaps not that much into studying daily for hours and it won’t be easy so he didn’t show much enthusiasm and I also dropped the idea since it looked he wasn’t on board as such. I went back to college and it was third year and I started working out, when I went back home, time, after a couch of months, results and changes have already started to show and I had gained a few Kgs and muscles as well. When my father saw me, as he came back from office, I was in the hall, he saw me from a distance, didn’t see my face but he didn’t, for a second recognise me, when he did, his eyes lit up. Many years later, after my selection, he told me, it was this moment when he thought that if I can workout and change my health and body with such dedication, I can surely do anything and of course UPSC, I was smart he knew that and now he knew I was dedicated again.

I used to go to the gym very early, around 5 in the morning and I used to workout for 1.5 hours and after everything I used to sit and study for a few hours and then used to take a break for a small nap. This kept me fresh and energised throughout the day and this also kept me fit. The result was while most aspirants gain weight during preparation, I was at my best fitness level when I got selected. I arrived in service at my ideal weight and muscle composition. This is when I stopped working out, once I reached the academy, I couldn’t continue and I don’t have any excuse, I should’ve. But the break which I thought would last a few days, in fact lasted 3 years. This is how human brain works and this is how life works, you feel you are in control and before you know it, you ave lost it all beyond a pint where you feel its salvageable. Now, this is around 4 months back. It’s not that I never tried to get back to working out, in fact I did a few times but each time I couldn’t continue for some or the other reason, the most important being of course the laziness of thinking I am already in good enough shape and I don’t need to workout so much. But it was not true, I wasn’t in fact in that great a shape and yes, I needed to hit the gym urgently and also to take control of my diet. It hit me hard around January last week of this year when suddenly I started noticing that I was edging closer to entering the severely overweight or obese category, I didn’t look that but I weighed that for sure, my weight was around 78-79 Kgs in that period, around 8-9 KGs overweight and I was also starting to feel bad and uncomfortable in my own skin. Thats when one fine day I decided okay, enough is enough, this time I will go and I will stick to it and everything else will have to work around my heath and well being, everything else, including my work. It only sounds a bug deal, in reality, it isn’t, I will show you how. The word “priority” is on of the most misused and overused word and people who claim to have their health and fitness as their priority rarely do, when you have it as your priority, what it means is that everything comes second. Your work around your daily fitness regime and you fit everything around it. That is the most basic thing to do and it is also not as tough as it sounds.

I would now talk about how to go about your journey, now, many of you might already be intermediate or a few months into their journeys so you might have already done a bit of it but still, most of the listeners, I would assume know little to nothing. But before I start, let me knock out the biggest lie ever told, “I don’t have time”. Now, I don’t know how anyone who watches every single movie that is released on any platform and every single trending or other wise TV series, one who watches all IPL matches, one who watches and scrolls reels for hours on end and can’t even eat food without first deciding what to watch on Netflix say these words, which is true for most people I know. It is never the lack of time but what you feel your time is best suited for. You can’t have this excuse if you are sitting in front of Netflix for hours everyday or sleeping at 2-3 in the night acting time online on some social media or watching random videos somewhere. You have time, you need to make a choice, that whether your health actually comes first or you only like to say that it does.

1- Let us begin, first thing that you need to do is to know what your body is like, know your body and its condition, trust me it is all worth it, it will be the solid foundation on which everything would be built. So, first thing you need to do is to prepare a chart with the following information:

1- Age

2- Sex

3- Height

4- Body Weight

5- BMI

6- Body Fat Percentage

7- Basal Metabolic Rate or BMR and Total Daily Energy Expenditure or TDEE*

8- Photos of your body, front and sides.

*Relation of TDEE with BMR: Based on your daily activity status

1- Sedentary (BMR x 1.2): You regularly have to tell Netflix you are still watching.  You don’t intentionally exercise at all.

2- Lightly Active (BMR x 1.375): You casually stroll through your neighbourhood a few times a week. On average, you walk for exercise about 30 minutes a day.

3- Moderately Active (BMR x 1.55): One hour and 45 minutes of walking (for exercise, not going around your house) a day, or 50 minutes of vigorous exercise a day.

4- Very Active (BMR x 1.725)

Now, most of the things as mentioned above are straight forward, let me tell you in brief bout rest, BMI is Body Mass Index and it represents if you are under-weight/over-weight or in the right range for your height and age and sex. Basal Metabolic Rate is the basic amount of calories your body needs to burn to function normally, while TDEE is the total amount of calories your body burns throughout the day including the BMR. The reason why this information is important is that it helps us in planning our diet and workout routine. Every body and individual is different so one needs to understand their bodies and what it needs to proceed. After you have this data, which can be easily calculated at home, though of course fat percentage is more clinical and can only be calculated approximately, it is good enough. Formulas for the same are easily available on the net. Once you’ve done this exercise, which won’t take more than 30 minutes of your time, you can move on to the next step.

2- Next step is to determine what is your goal, this sounds very simple and it is, but most of the people who go to the gym just go and do the regular exercises hoping to achieve their goals Chenin fact different goals require different exercise and diet regimens. For the purpose of this piece, I would assume one goal, which was my goal the second time when I restarted my fitness journey, my goal was to reduce weight and maintain muscles, that is weight loss through fat loss while maintaining muscles as much as possible.

Your goal can be to gain size or weight, which I did in college or your goal can also be to shed kilos and not caring as much about muscle loss or it ca be anything else. Once you are clear on your goal, it is time to move on to the next step.

3- This step is again, very very crucial. We have determined the condition or our body and we have determined our goal. By the way, I am hoping that you are writing all the down. I strongly suggest to maintain a small logbook or notebook or whatever, digital entries but do maintain all records. Now, coming to the main point, in this step we would make a schedule. Its not a whole lot but we would need to find out and know which time would we be going to the gym and what all are we going to eat. Now, as I said earlier, I am going to assume that the goal here is to reduce weight and try to maintain as much muscle as possible. For this Goa, there are two components which we need to see, the first is weight reduction, for this, the key is in having a calorie deficit diet, which means burning more calorie than what we are consuming. For the second part of the goal, that is marinating muscles, the key is strength training o weight training. One thing which will be common to both these parts is our diet, which will help us in reducing weight and also in adding muscles and preventing muscle loss.

Now, for a calorie deficit diet, the initial calculations that we did, where we calculated our BMI, BMR and TDEE would be needed. BMI is needed as a larger guide to see where we stand and where we wish to go, like I was 78+ Kgs when I started and I wanted to go to 70 Kgs and my target was 4 months, that would mean a reduction of 2 Kgs every month, 500 gms every week. This is not a linear progression so don’t worry as results initially won’t be tis straightforward. This is just to illustrate. Now, since my goal was to reduce 8 Kgs and I also didn’t want muscle loss, I had to create a diet which helped me with this. This where the basic work and understand of macronutrients or macros comes into picture, that is Fats, Carbohydrates and Proteins, I would focus on just these three. There are many different things which are said about a healthy or normal composition of these macros where it is said, for example protein, that you should have it in around 1.5 times of your body weight or the ratio for your macros should be 50% carbs, 20% protein and 30% fat, but this ratio won’t work if you are trying to reduce weight. The good part about my goal was that both weight reduction and muscle retainment would require me to cut carbs and add more protein. The ratio which I suggest to people who have the same goal as I did would be 20% carbs, 50% Protein and 30% Fat, you can further decrease carbs and go upto 10% and add fat and protein. The basic is that carbs are to be kept to minimum and fat is to be used as energy source and to burn while working out, this is also the basic of what we know as the keto diet. Few more basics which one needs to avoid as much as possible and when I say, one needs to use this as conservatively as possible, not as much as possible once or twice every few days but once or twice every few weeks, that is, as much as possible, avoid maida, avoid noodles, avoid fried food, avoid fast food, avoid sugar in whatever form apart from natural sugar in fruits, that too eat fruits and avoid juices (you may take watermelon juice), avoid white rice. If you look at this list, it only looks big, it isn’t, most maida items are also most fried and fast food items so if you avoid one, you avoid others, the only real effort here would be in avoiding white rice, which is staple in Indian food across cultures. You have to make some sacrifices. Now, once we know what not to eat, let me come to what all you can eat. For a low carbs and a high protein diet, you need to first fix your protein sources, I will assume non-veg diet but I Willa slo include all veg sources so that veg people can just use the same foods minus the non-veg items. The basic foods to build a high protein and low carb Diet you need are eggs, paneer, soya chunks, chicken, mutton, lentils, chickpeas, nuts, fish and whey protein powder or blend. Now, whey protein is a very important part of your diet since it is not possible to intake the required amount of protein from just regular food sources and whey protein is an absolutely safe, tested and reliable supplement. How you eat them is upto you but you need to ensure that you eat at least 200-300 calories less than your TDEE.

So, a basic day would look like, having 8 boiled egg whites, 4 in the morning and 4 in the evening, which would mean approx 29 gas of protein, in breakfast, along with your 4 eggs, you can have any traditional Indian breakfast but quantity should not be more than one, that is if you have dosa, just one, if you have paratha, just one and the size too , must not be more than 50 gms as this is almost all carbs. Then, for lunch, you can have a big bowl of any daal with some vegetable salad consisting of carrots and cucumbers and other vegetables as per your liking, this would add another 10 gas of protein. You can also have a watermelon juice. This is your lunch, nothing fancy, nothing heavy. Then you have to carry one protein shake to the gym and consume it during workout, another 25 gas of protein, post workout, you will have 4 egg whites and some nuts, nuts will add another 3-4 gas of protein. After this you don’t need to indulge in any evening snack but if you crave a lot, have a protein bar, but be careful, don’t make it a habit as they too are heavy on carbs. For dinner, you can have either roasted chicken, or roasted or plain paneer or soya chunks, no roti or rice, if you really can’t control, have just one roti. Also have some salad. This will add another 75 gms to your protein depending on the source while chicken is almost all protein, paneer is high in fat and carbs and soya is high in carbs. But either way, you won’t be harmed, you can have it but yes be cautious with paneer. You will need to have another protein shake before going to bed, another 25 gms.

You can vary this diet as per your need, goals, availability of foods etc but keys is to maximise protein and minimise carbs and use fat as energy source. This day that I just described above would give you anywhere between 160-180 of protein, between 80-100 gs of carbs and around 40-50 gms of fat. This would mean, proteins would provide you approx 700 calories, carbs would’ve you around 500 and fat would supply another 600, this would be a total of 1800 calories, perfect for a TDEE of 2000.

Now that you have an idea about diet, let’s move on to exercise. Since the goal is to reduce wight and maintain muscle, weight training is very crucial, as it helps retain and add muscle and muscle development. Just the diet would only see weight loss but it would come from both fat and muscle loss. We just need fat loss, so we would need to hit the gym. Also we would need to do both, weight training and also abs/cardio. We would need to workout 5-6 days in a week and for 60-75 minutes minimum, 45-60 minutes of weight training and 15 minutes of cardio/abs. This is to be done daily. What exercises are to be done can easily be found depending on your level as a gym goer, beginner or intermediate. The key of course is consistency. You need to monitor your workouts and your diet, you need to be extremely conscious of what you eat and how much did you actually workout, just going to the gym ,listening to some music and doing some random exercises and chatting isn’t going to help, similarly, following the diet but every other day partying, eating out or having snacks or drinking alcohol too frequently isn’t going to help either. You need one one hand a strict control on what you eat, you also need on the other a strict eye on what to avoid, similar just showing up at the gym is the first step, you need to workout with full focus and dedication, of course have fun but don’t let it ruin the main goal, don’t get distracted and say start taking very long breaks in between sets.

Now, these are three most important steps of your fitness journey. But there are several smaller but very important things you need to keep in mind.

1. Set Realistic Goals: Start by setting realistic health and fitness goals that align with your lifestyle. Understand your limitations and design a plan that suits your time constraints and preferences. Whether it's losing weight, building strength, or increasing energy levels, having clear goals will help you stay motivated and focused. You can have a target of shading 10 Kgs but it can’t be done in 1 month or 2, you need to give yourself a real chance otherwise you would just get disappointed and leave it in between.


2. Incorporate Short Workouts: If time is a constraint, break down your workout sessions into shorter, more manageable intervals throughout the day. A 15-20 minute high-intensity interval training (HIIT) workout can be very affective. Look for opportunities to be active during your day, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator or going for a brisk walk during lunch breaks. But this is for days when you can’t workout normally, don’t make this a habit.


3. Stay Hydrated: Water plays a crucial role in maintaining optimal health and fitness. Stay hydrated throughout the day by drinking an adequate amount of water. Carry a reusable water bottle with you to ensure you have access to water wherever you go. Avoid excessive consumption of sugary beverages and caffeinated drinks, as they can lead to dehydration and affect your energy levels.


4. Practice Mindful Eating: Incorporate mindfulness into your eating habits. Slow down and savor each bite, paying attention to the flavors and textures of your food. This can help you recognize when you're full and prevent overeating. Avoid distractions like watching TV or using electronic devices while eating, as they can lead to mindless snacking and overeating.


5. Get Sufficient Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for recovery and overall well-being. Aim for 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night. Establish a bedtime routine to promote better sleep, such as avoiding electronic devices before bed and creating a calm and comfortable sleeping environment. Prioritize rest days in your workout schedule to allow your body to recover and prevent burnout.


6. Track Progress and Document it: Ensure that you take pics as you did at the start every 15 days. Also weigh yourself once every week. I would strongly suggest to get one normal weighing scale at home. Maintain and fitness journal is a must.


So, we have come to the end of this piece on health and fitness. Thank you all for reading and take care.


[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: The Will & Legal Guardianship

Buck & Eddie are NOT ready to discuss "The Will"!

(This is a revised version of my original post that was completed and posted on April 28, 2022.)

Buck and Eddie will not be able to talk about "The Will" until they are both ready to admit what it truly represents.  The Will represents everything that happened between them up to "The Well" in 3x15 "Eddie Begins" and the things that happened up to the reveal of it in 4x14 "Survivors".  The reveal of it was a direct result of a comment Buck made to Eddie after he came out of his coma.  Buck said "I think it would have been better for him (Christopher) if I was the one who got shot".  That was when Eddie realized he needed to tell Buck about it since Buck was spiraling and didn't see how valuable he was to Eddie.

After the reveal, Buck asked Eddie in 4x14 "Survivors" why he waited a year to tell him about it and Eddie responded with "No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you and that's what I want for him". But his response did not explain the reason he named Buck as Christopher's legal guardian because they had only known each other for 1.5 years when the incident at The Well took place.  Eddie changed his will and didn't tell anyone about it. Why is that?

Season 3 was all about the two of them and their "relationship".  Neither of them had a love interest and they spent most of their time together whenever they were away from the firehouse.  Before they can discuss what The Will means, they will also have to address the following:

The Tsunami

After it was over in 3x3 "The Searchers" and Eddie took Christopher back to Buck's loft, why did Eddie tell Buck, "There's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you"?  They had only known each other for 1 year at that point so the question is how could Eddie trust Buck more than anyone including his blood relatives to take care of his son?

In 3x4 "Triggers", why was Eddie checking Buck out?

The Lawsuit

In 3x5 "Rage", Eddie was highly pissed and completely lost since he couldn't talk to Buck. Therefore he needs to address his rage about that situation and why he started an argument with Buck in the grocery store.  Even though he said "Do you know how much Christopher misses you?" it was very evident that Eddie missed Buck too.  The amount of anger he had wasn't warranted for just a friend🤪🤪🤪.

In both 3x6 "Monsters" and 3x9 "Fallout", Buck apologized to Eddie for the lawsuit but why did Buck feel the need to apologize twice?  The first time he apologized was in 3x6 and he said to Eddie, "I just want you to talk to me. Even if it's just to let me know that you're still mad". Eddie replied with "I'm not mad, I'm..."🤨🤨🤨.  He didn't finish the sentence. So what was he hurt, lonely, sad? Which adjective should the audience have used to complete the sentence?

He apologized again in the infamous "Kitchen Scene" in 3x9 "Fallout".  It's crystal clear by the ways in which they were looking at each other, their feelings weren't from a brotherly or platonic perspective🙃🙃🙃. It looked like they were about to go upstairs after Christopher feel asleep on the couch and show each other the depths of the love they have for one another😍😍😍.

Secret relationship???

In 3x10 "Christmas Spirit" Eddie was looking at Buck with the biggest heart eyes ever.  Reminder: this was right after the kitchen scene and Eddie had a look on his face that said 'I love him and I'm going to marry him.  We're going to have lots of babies and I will be a stay at home dad'❤️❤️❤️.

In 3x11 "Seize the Day" that lady's mother asked them "Are either of you boys single"?.  They looked at each other, then at her and back at each other as if to say 'NO, we're not single because we're together!'🤭🤭🤭. 

The Well

In 3x15 "Eddie Begins" Buck literally lost it after the well collapsed on top of Eddie.  He was practically hysterical and the screams he let out were the kind of screams a person makes when their heart and soul is in pain🥺🥺🥺.  Meanwhile Eddie was inside of the well having flashbacks that mostly included Buck and Christopher so he was clearly thinking about his heart and soul too😥😥😥. In those moments they truly believed they were going to lose each other.

The Shooting

The shooting happened in 4x13 "Suspicion" and The Will reveal took place in 4x14 "Survivors".  The looks they gave each other after Eddie got shot while they were laying on the ground were intense.

Time stood still and it looked like it was the end because both of them realized in that moment they could lose each other forever.  The way Buck overcame his fear of being underneath a ladder truck again was amazing.  And the way Eddie gave Buck one last look before he was unconscious for the last time was nothing short of him telling Buck 'I love you'.  It was heart breaking. 

Inferences about Eddie's reason for changing his will

Eddie is a planner and he never does things without preparing especially when it involves Christopher.  He may not be able to fully accept that it's ok for him to want something just for himself yet but he prepares very well for the important things.  Which leads to the question of why he chose Buck as Christopher's legal guardian and why that specific time frame?  Was the legal guardianship only supposed to be temporary?  Probably because Eddie knew then and still knows now that his parents will fight to get Christopher away from Buck.  In 4x14 Buck asked Eddie if his family would fight for Christopher and Eddie said, "I don't know. Maybe. Probably."  LIAR! Eddie's mother told him in 3x15 during one of his flashbacks that he should leave Christopher with them and in 2x17 "Careful What You Wish For", she told him they should move back to Texas. Based on the flashbacks Eddie had while he was in The Well, his parents seem like the type of people that will challenge the legal guardianship. That's why it seems like it was a temporary solution that Eddie had set in place until he could execute a more long-term plan. It seemed like he was planning for something permanent, i.e., Buck adopting Christopher or Buck becoming Christopher's stepparent after he and Buck got married🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️.  What was the plan if Eddie was going to start a life with someone else other than Buck? Would he keep Buck listed as the guardian or would he change it? These are many of the questions that would need to be answered before they can have an honest conversation about The Will.

Eddie is in therapy now and in canon he and Frank haven't even approached his firefighting traumas yet so it's highly unlikely Eddie is ready to talk to Buck about any of it.  Eddie can't talk about The Shooting yet which means he can't talk about The Will either.  When Buck brought up The Shooting in 5x14 "Dumb Luck", Eddie looked away because he's still not ready to even think about it let alone talk about it.  Buck looked like he was proceeding with caution before he mentioned it so he doesn't seem like he's fully ready to talk about it either.  Until Buck and Eddie are ready to admit there's more between them than just a work related partnership; they won't be able to talk about The Will. When they finally talk about it, their feelings for each other will be on full display and they will no longer be able to deny how much they LOVE each other (that's if the showrunners, writers and TPTB allow it to go there).

Finally, KR saying it was discussed off screen is ridiculous because how is the audience supposed to know that? If it did happen off screen how come no one, not even Christopher, has mentioned it? The perfect time for a mention of it would have been during 5x13 "Fear O Phobia" or 5x14 "Dumb Luck" when Eddie and Christopher were talking in the kitchen. Eddie could have reminded Christopher about how Buck would look after him if something happened to Eddie or Christopher could have said 'Dad, I remember you said Buck will take care of me if anything happens to you'. Or Eddie could have reminded Christopher in 5x10 "Wrapped in Red" after he said "you could be dead next year". But that didn't happen. So a discussion about the will still needs to happen even if only for the audience's sake. Assuming the audience just knows is preposterous.

[lunaartgallery]

3/9/2022 [Updates]

TLDR: Mental Health Babble and new start.

I’m going to try to keep this short, hopefully my story can help others going through the same creative drought as me. The start of this year has been rough for me. Career wise, I’m doing great! I’m employed and will be for the rest of the year, financially I’m not struggling either.

So why did I have the worst mental break of my life last month?

Well I had a realization that came outta nowhere and hit my like a ton of bricks. I’m a pretty bottled up person, stubborn as mule. So I’m not surprised I did this to myself, but it still hurts. That realization was that I had lost passion for my stories, and thus had completely neglected my artistic soul in favor of my career for 1.5 years. As you guys know at the end of 2020 I suffered through an extensive burnout that took up the beginning months of 2021. Overworking, stress and exhaustion left a mark on me. And in 2021 I thought I had fixed it! Well...sort of. I got my career stuff in order, and managed the business side really well and dandy. Compared to 2020, I had my shit together. But I completely neglected my creative personal side, my stories, concepts and creativity. It wasn’t an artblock per say, I still drew a lot, but I drew for my DND campaign, which at the time I used heavily as a crutch for emotional mental support. In a sense I took the burden of having to be creative and dumped it on someone else, and just rode the wave. I couldn’t be bothered to be creative myself, not anymore.

That combine with working/sleeping/eating in an enclosed space for months on end, and not being able to go out due to covid, made everything just blur together in a grey mush. To be frank, I don’t remember 2021 at all, and the whole year just seems like a blur of time and work.

So what happened? I’ve been mentioning non-stop that I’m working on my storyboard portfolio and animatic for SKZ etc. In 2021 I had skillfully grown as an artist, so I knew this would be easy. I already know how to do it just had to actually do it....but I couldn’t. Everyday felt like a slog, things that would be easy and simple were taking forever. I restarted the animatic like 3 different times, nothing felt right. I had no motivation to be at my desk after hours. I didn’t have any ideas, and I hadn’t actually given thought to my stuff in a very long time. I found myself wondering what happened to the passion and drive I had not too long ago for my old portfolio in college. And it spiraled from there as I realized I had completely lost it, I had no more ideas left, I hadn’t actually written anything in a long time.

The artist soul is like a well, you take water out and then the rain replenishes the well. My well had completely dried out, It hadn’t rained in forever and I just kept taking water out till nothing was left. This combined with the other event going on Twitter with overworked storyboard artists all over the country crying in outrage for their mistreatment, going through extensive creative drought for years. This is a field I wanted to get into, and in the end the dream looked like a nightmare. I completely broke in a fit of rage and deep sadness. In the end I’ve never felt so hollow in my life. My friend likened it to heartbreak, I’ve never experienced heartbreak, but this must be what it felt like. I went through wicked mood-swings, and other irrational behavior.

So what now?

In general, I’m done. I’ve cancelled the animatic and portfolio plans. There’s no point in trying to scrap the bottom of the well. I’m going through self-therapy. I know what I need to do to get better, it’s going to take months. I’ve been through a similar journey when I first entered college, but damn does it feel like a tough and endless road is ahead of me. I have to go through everything all over again! I’m not giving up on SKZ, quite the opposite actually. But I’m taking things back to the writing room. I can safely say my other projects are done though, CHL and CUPP were always suppose to be one-shots, they have served me well. Bonafide is going to be a more a casual fun thing rather than my main focus. I want to start separating myself from DND and putting my own creative projects first. That being said HA, I have a shit ton of DND work from 2021 in my queue so yeah you guys won’t see much of a difference on a surface level. I need to start posting more! I’ve started to replenish my well by re-watching the things that have inspired me. I have gotten writing journals, and a new sketchbook to start doodling stuff again. I’m letting loose, and letting the “business” chains on my personal work go. I used to worry a lot about marketing, views and audience tastes, eh not anymore. I’m just going to be doing whatever I like, as long as it makes me happy.

Thanks for reading <3

[cc-mr-vip]

Season 3 Initial Thoughts

- ℂ𝔸𝕄ℙ ℂℝ𝔼𝕋𝔸ℂ𝔼𝕆𝕌𝕊 𝕊ℙ𝕆𝕀𝕃𝔼ℝ𝕊 𝔸ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻-

Holy shit, this Season was a doozy. I absolutely loved this season. It was a lot more intense than both Season 1 and 2, but had the realism from Season 1 that I loved so much.

Also I was fucking wrong, boys. Well not completely. I did make the prediction that they’ve been on the island for at least 2 months, because for some reason that was a reasonable number in my head. A nice believable number for the kids to have survived and did all they did, but six months!? Like half a year!? They would have been 1.5 years away from getting blown up from the volcano in JW2. Bruh...

The Scorpius Rex probably had the most terrifying design I had ever seen for a hybrid dinosaur. It felt way more threatening than both the Indominus and Indoraptor, probably because of it’s very odd hodgepodge of a design. I also love the twist of it being extremely unstable and causing other dinosaurs to lash out after being poisoned. Having this thing chase around the kids was definitely terrifying to say the least. Also wasn’t expecting Sammy to get spiked by the poison too (and turn an odd shade of green, sorta narmy lmao). I knew she wasn’t going to die, but I wasn’t expecting a nice squick shot of the quills in her abdomen that was a fun treat.

Also finally! Kenji, my boy, finally has some character backstory and development! I will probably do a more deeper analysis on Kenji’s drawing of his family, but is already kinda confirmed what kind of person his father is. He didn’t care enough about his son to want to put pictures of him on the wall, only himself. It makes sense why Kenji was so self absorbed as well. I found it pretty heartbreaking that Kenji risked his life to try rescue his father’s “precious” art statue. I’m not sure if he tried to rescue it because he was scared of his father scolding him or if he just wanted to bring it back for his father for a pat on the back. Either way, it’s just brings up sad implications all around. 

Honestly Kenji had some absolutely great development this season, in my opinion, way more so than the others had and way more interesting too. I think the episode that really marked a change in Kenji was Episode 5 (Eye of the Storm), when Kenji took it upon himself to be in charge of packing. For most of the episode, he was acting like typical Kenji, but he began to take his job way more seriously when it came to the safety of his friends. When Darius took after Ben, he properly took charge of the group (nice contrast to Season 1 where he was more nonchalant about it and tried to pass off responsibility). It was around this point that we didn’t see Kenji acting all high and haughty anymore, he was fully devoted to saving his friends.

I definitely wasn’t expecting Kenji to run off with the laptop to make the trade and save Brooklynn. The boy tried to fight a man with a loaded gun to save his friend, how foolish and brave of him to try do so. It was amazing to see Kenji, who spent most of the series cowering behind others, fully devoting himself to protecting Brooklynn in the finale (leading her to safety and shielding her with his own body). I do think that Kenji has some issues regarding losing friends; I think that the Camp Fam really is the first friends he’s ever gotten, which is why losing them hurt him so much (Sammy’s faux death and Brooklynn getting kidnapped). 

The way at the end when Kenji refused to forgive and accept the idea that they were going to risk Brooklynn’s safety over the laptop...it was a very mature way to handle that situation. Pragmatically, Kenji was absolutely right, they shouldn’t be risking their lives over a stinkin’ laptop. It’s not they’re responsibility, they’re just kids. But his friends were good people and Kenji played along, but decided to take matters into his own hands. His friends are important to him and he’s going to do anything to keep them safe. 

From haughty jock who only seemed to care about himself to a team member willing to risk everything to keep everyone safe, Kenji really has grown so much as a character.

All in all, I’m surprised the kids actually made it off the island this time. My friends and I were placing bets on whether or not they would make it off the island this season. Everyone had voted that they wouldn’t, but they did...hopefully? They got a stowaway so I’m wondering how they’re going to deal with that. Go back to the island? Keep going? Clearly it all isn’t over because Kenji’s character arc isn’t quite solved yet. I wonder how many more season CC will have. I do enjoy the series, but there’s only so much they can keep right?

This initial thoughts ended up more of a Kenji reaction post, so I’ll dedicate the end here to some other thoughts I had overall:

Yasmina and Sammy’s friend-(or maybe more)-ship was really cute and wholesome. I found Yasmina’s chumminess afterwards Hello-Zuko-Here levels of second hand embarrassment xD (Are they a maybe-couple? When Brooklynn mentioned crushes that Sammy might’ve had she mentioned Yaz lmao).

Thank god, Bumpy didn’t die. She has her own family now...for at least 1.5 more years until the volcano explodes...

Ben, you stupid child, of course you want to get off the island. I would have knocked you out and dragged you on the boat myself.

It was nice of the pilot and mercenary to board the kids upon finding out they were children. Even though they died / ended up splitting up the kids, the meant well.

I can’t believe Dr. Wu was in this season. He isn’t as much as a bad guy as I thought. He still left the kids, but at least he didn’t...kill them? Set the bar too low maybe?

And that’s all for now. This being a chock-full Kenji season, I’ll probably be doing some analysis or posts on him, but thought I’d make a reaction post with all my initial thoughts for now!

[starryeyedmunson]

final lullaby - b.b.

pairing: bucky barnes x female!reader

summary: After being hurt very badly in a mission, you imagine you and Bucky living a better life together.

warnings: angst, light fluff, but the angst is real, mention of wounds, needles

word count: 1.5 k

a/n: this is based off of the song “Final Lullaby” by The Weeknd because I’m absolutely in love with that song and I felt like writing! I know it has been literally so long but I’ve been so up and down mental health wise and finally am gonna start using my blog again sooooo here’s to new beginnings! I hope you all enjoy :)

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. read vitals, now!”

“Vitals unstable, Mr. Stark.”

“Shit,” Tony mumbled under his breath. After going on seemingly simple mission, you were now lying in the back of the quinjet fighting to stay alive. You tried to speak but only sputtering coughs of blood came out, most likely due to the bullet that had collapsed your lung.

“Shh, don’t speak. J-Just try and breathe,” Bucky stuttered as he looked down at your bruised face. He was holding back tears as Steve and Tony injected you with anesthetics, and he cupped your cheek with his flesh hand. “Everything is going to be just fine, I promise, doll.”

You nodded your head and he half smiled at you, but the smile faded as he looked down your body that was covered in blood. You felt your eyelids growing heavy, but you knew that if you closed them, Bucky would break down completely. You tried your best to keep them open as Natasha and Wanda came up to the table you were lying on, and you watched as your two best friends scanned over your wounds with increasingly worried faces.

“Damnit, Y/N, I told you not to go in there alone,” Natasha said, shaking her head.

“W-We both know h-how bad of a listener I-I am” you managed to get out. The corners of Natasha’s mouth turned upwards as she shook her head, remembering all of the times you had gone against her advice and gotten yourself into trouble.

You looked up at her, and for a moment you shared those memories and smiled at each other. But you were brought back to reality with Tony’s relentless pushing of needles into your body, releasing anesthetics and taking blood with every prick of your skin. Your eyes wandered over to Bucky, who was now standing a little ways away from the table with Steve. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but judging by the looks on their faces it was nothing good. You took a deep breath, only to have it cut short by a violent cough, and you felt your eyes beginning to close with the newest sedative injection from Tony.

“It’s not looking good, Buck,” Steve said hesitantly. He watched as Bucky bit his fingernails and stared intently at the monitor that was hooked up to his girlfriend. Steve had practically dragged him away from your side, and he saw that Natasha was now doing her best to make you feel better. He smiled sadly at the sight of you two exchanging words, knowing how much you two factored into each others’ stability. “Did you hear me?” Steve said again, snapping Bucky back to reality.

“What? Oh, she’ll make it through,” Bucky said in reassurance. But at this point, he didn’t know if he was reassuring Steve or himself. His thoughts traveled back to the day he first met you, and he reminisced on how perfectly imperfect you looked; your hair a complete mess having just woken up, your dad’s oversized t-shirt stopping just in the middle of your thighs, and the way you blushed furiously and ran away to put more clothes on. Bucky smiled at the memory of you stumbling over your words as you attempted to make up for the embarrassing state you had met him in, even though he wouldn’t have wanted to meet you in any other way.

Steve could tell Bucky was holding on to a broken hope, and when he looked over at your unconscious frame, he knew what he needed to do. He walked over to Wanda and whispered into her ear, to which she nodded her head slightly and the two of them walked back over to Bucky.

“Bucky, she doesn’t have much time left,” Wanda said slowly. Bucky’s eyes grew watery and he said nothing, staring at your body on the table. Your breaths were ragged, yet you still looked so peaceful, so beautiful to him.

“I- I can’t lose her, Steve,” Bucky choked out. Steve took his best friend’s hand in his and tried his best to comfort him.

“I know, pal.”

“There’s something I can do, to make it easier for her,” Wanda said quietly. Bucky looked at her and nodded, following her back to the table on which you laid. She placed her hand on your head and took Bucky’s flesh hand with the other, closing her eyes and beginning to concentrate.

-

Your eyes fluttered open and you looked around. Somehow you were standing in what looked like an old club, and you looked down at your body to reveal old 1940s clothing. Confused, you looked back up and saw the sign of the building you were in, reading “The Stork Club” in bright, large letters.

“Hi, doll,” Bucky said from behind you, causing you to turn around and smile. He was wearing his sergeant suit, hat and all, and he looked absolutely dashing. He smiled down at you, taking in your beauty as you blushed and looked down. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, but where are we?” You asked, still unknowing of what happened and how you got to an entirely different point in time. Bucky shook his head as sadness filled his eyes, and you slowly began to realize what was going on. “Am I–”

“Let’s not talk about it, can we just enjoy this little moment we have to ourselves?” He asked quietly, running the back of his hand down your cheek. You nodded and gave a small smile, allowing him to take you to the dance floor. He spun you around, eliciting a laugh from you as you both danced to the music, taking in all of each other. Bucky had taught you how to dance before during one of the nights you had come to be with him after a nightmare, and you were trying to remember how as Bucky now spiraled you around the floor. You both smiled and laughed, stealing quick kisses as the music played loudly in the background.

“I would have loved the forties,” you said breathlessly once the music had slowed down.

“Yes, doll, you would have fit right in,” Bucky replied, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he pulled you in close. “I love you, Y/N.”

Your smile faded as you looked up at him, noticing the pain in his expression. “I love you too, Bucky.”

“Please don’t go,” he whispered, tears beginning to fill his eyes. “I don’t know what I’ll do–”

This time it was your turn to shush him, bringing his head to yours and pressing your lips against his. His grip on your waist tightened as he deepened the kiss, your lips moving perfectly with each others’ as if they were made to do so. You ran your fingers through the locks of hair that were exposed under his hat, running your nails ever so lightly down the back of his neck. His tongue ran against your bottom lip and you granted him entrance into your mouth, both of you feeling lost in each others’ presence. You pulled away, smiling up at him and running your thumb over the highpoints of his cheek. “If Wanda’s watching we better not give her too much of a show.”

Bucky laughed and pulled you closer, your head resting against his chest as you two swayed back and forth.

“Bucky?”

“Yes, my love?” he answered, running his fingers through your hair.

“Don’t worry about me,” you said, your words muffled by his chest. You could feel his breathing become more rapid, and you looked up at him and took his face into your hands. “Everything is going to be just fine,” you said, mimicking his words from before. His eyes closed as he sighed, his breath shaky.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against your own. You smiled sadly and wrapped your arms around his neck, lifting your head to kiss him atop his forehead.

“I know, as will I. But you have to promise me that you won’t go down a dark path after I’m gone,” you said, making him look at you. He opened his tear-filled eyes and nodded his head, looking down at your comforting smile. “I love you forever, Buck.”

Finally letting the tears fall from his eyes, Bucky pulled you in and gave you a small kiss, both of you closing your eyes and savoring the moment you had together.

-

Wanda loosened her grip on Bucky’s hand as the machine you were hooked up to finally played a lasting beep, and she gave him a sad smile as she got up and joined the rest of the team at the other end of the quinjet. Bucky’s fresh tears had stained the floor where they fell as he looked at your now peaceful body lying on the table, and he took your lifeless hand in his and pressed a small kiss to your fingers.

“I love you forever more.”

[butchhamlet]

OKAY SO I GOT TO SEE SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK ANDRE DE SHIELDS KING LEAR YESTERDAY AND IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING SO HERE’S A POST ABOUT THAT

first off here’s the shitty picture i took of the set! the entire thing was set in “a north african nation” (words theirs; in quotes because i don’t want to seem like they named a real one and i just didn’t bother to remember askdfhdskhfds) & the entire cast was people of color! i am staring at this picture thinking about how blurry it is but trust me that it was SO fucking cool... it was visibly gorgeous but also visibly crumbling which. like. foams at the mouth about the symbolism yknow

ALSO the winged thing is the throne! during intermission (which was after 3.6), some crew members took the wings off and laid them down at the back of the set like the whole thing had come apart, and when edmund entered in 5.1 he had a moment of staring out at the audience with his foot up on the top wing

the entire production went hard on drums; there was a note in the program about how the director wanted to center the african setting & also the rhythm; the trumpet herald at the end was replaced by drumming, and during the storm scenes, the drums represented the thunder! (complete with flashing lights for lightning; it was cool as fuck)

& now i’m gonna describe my beat-by-beat staging notes that i scribbled down from where i was sitting in the grass. no attempts to make this coherent bc the show was so fucking good and i just feel insane <3

 edmund came out in literal jade-colored glasses which felt like a WONDERFUL character bit

everyone in this cast was so well cast btw and not to be a lesbian but like. the lear sisters. 😳

they cut the cordelia asides in 1.1, which made it slightly harder to get a read on her but also made it slightly more startling when she said “nothing, my lord” (goneril and regan both got up to take a literal microphone from lear, while cordelia didn’t take it when he held it out and literally turned away to face the audience instead)

there were three little stools laid out for each sister to sit on & lear was so infuriated by what cordelia said that he started throwing them around (not at her but close)

and lear never looked particularly Legitimately Threatening (he looked very small, actually; idk how tall andre de shields is lmfao but he definitely looked like an old man), but cordelia flinched near-instinctively when he threw the stools, like this wasn’t the first time

WHEN LEAR LEFT NEAR THE END OF 1.1 GONERIL GOT UP AND SAT IN THE THRONE WHERE HE’D BEEN SITTING AND STAYED THERE WHILE SEEING CORDELIA OFF

she was also the only lear sister in a pantsuit 😳

on that note they were color-coded! goneril was dressed all in purple, regan was orange, and cordelia was pink; all of their households followed this (eg cornwall was orange, oswald was purple), but when cordelia came back in act four, it was in soldiers’ clothes without any pink on her

andre de shields lear was fucking incredible and is anyone surprised about that like he was so good

he did SO much yelling. man has some lungs on him. not even yelling words all the time but a lot of just flat-out yelling (which was alternately funny and distressing depending on the moment)

like in 1.4 he stumbled back in to deliver “50 of my followers at a clap?” heralded by his own flat-out scream which made everyone laugh a little. grandpappy off the shits

EDGAR CAME IN ON A SKATEBOARD WITH HEADPHONES ON AND WHEN HE STOPPED AND LIFTED UP HIS SKATEBOARD SHAKESPEARE’S FACE WAS ON THE BOTTOM

this edgar was so fucking perfect btw like. everything about him. i think he was my favorite part of the show

lear and his knights busted in playing loud music, waving guns, and drinking from beer cans (white claw? idk what it was i’m a weenie). lear was wearing the brightest orange shirt ive ever seen. kent received entry to the group by busting some sick moves to the music despite being an oldass man

the fool was SO fucking funny he interacted w the audience constantly and the entire time (even during the storm scene) he was lugging around a suitcase and a little folding stool

after “have more than thou showest” the audience started clapping and he looked at us and said “not yet”

and then proceeded to deliver the sweet and bitter fool speech as a full-on rap with the audience clapping the beats in after each line

at the end of which he said to us “good job! give yourselves a hand. the king’s mad at y’all now though” and then he turned around and lear had his gun aimed at him and AUDIBLY clicked the safety off and there was a tense second where the fool had to talk him down

GONERIL SLAPPED LEAR AFTER THE BARRENNESS CURSE

1.5 hurt because the fool was VERY clearly trying his best to cheer lear up, like, he kept glancing around for ideas and trying to joke while lear sat pathetically on his folding stool

the stage was outdoors (duh) and there were ramps on either side for the actors to come on and off into the crowd, and when edgar ran off, he sprinted down the ramp, then turned, sprinted BACK, hugged edmund HARD, and then ran off again and around the back of the stage

this was after edmund FULLY punched him in the face on “pardon me” :(

at the end of 2.1 edmund was the last one to file off stage and he turned and gave the audience the cheekiest shrug

edgar tripped and ate shit while he was absolutely tearing around the side of the stage for 2.3 and idk if it was on purpose but it felt in character AKHSDFKHDSSFH

he delivered “poor turlygod! poor tom!” like he was acting, and then looked up and went “that’s something” kind of like he’d just realized

the fool delivered his merlin speech like he was making it up on the fucking spot. “and then the realm of albion...” [PAUSE.] “will come... to great... con-fu-si-on” emphasizing the non-rhyme. same with the non-rhyme of “see’t” / “fee-eet.” then he looked at us and said, “i didn’t write it. ask the author” and scrambled offstage

in 3.3 gloucester hugged edmund! ...and edmund picked his pocket for his key

“nay, he reserved some white flowers in the crook of his elbow, half a pair of pants, and a nasty ratty baseball cap, else we’d all been shamed” (im filling in the wording i forgot but that’s near verbatim and i cackled out loud)

(he was, indeed, wearing nothing but some white flowers, a ragged pair of pants, and a nasty ratty baseball cap. and a lot of dirt/paint)

when gloucester entered during the hovel scene edgar was skittering across the floor and looked up and the whole set paused as they made EXTENDED eye contact and it hurt INTENSELY

and then edgar snatched gloucester’s flashlight and hurried to the opposite end of the stage to focus entirely and intently on warming his hands over it like a fire and he did not look in gloucester’s direction at all but he got VERY still when gloucester mentioned him

i made an AUDIBLE noise when lear stabbed the fool. like. i knew it was a possible staging but it happened so fast and so viciously that it caught me totally off guard

and edgar got the “i’ll go to bed at noon” line :(

genuinely it is hard to emphasize how perfect this edgar was. how do i kin a character but just one specific version of that character that i saw one time

(intermission happened here!)

while interrogating gloucester, cornwall was very deliberately putting on medical gloves and then he picked up a power drill and my friend and i in the audience looked at each other exactly like the fucking monkey puppet image

however. only one eye went out with the power drill. because regan took the other one out WITH HER NAILS in a fit of rage when her husband was injured. full on stuck her hand into his eye socket

goneril and edmund kissed for a LONG long moment in 4.2. long enough that oswald coughed pointedly. which did not stop or affect them

gloucester tried to pay edgar and edgar immediately turned around and chucked the payment off stage

gloucester used a cane the whole show and he dropped it off the “cliff” before he fell, and edgar swooped down and silently caught it and held it for a moment before he let it clatter to the floor

at this point he was also wearing leggings and like. three mismatched layers of flannels and jackets

lear came out in act four in a tropical dress, white face/chest paint, and a flower/fruit hat

he threw money into the crowd multiple times during his speech, including one point where he specifically leaned over the edge of the stage, motioned at the closest audience member, said, “come here,” and then threw money at them

he also mooned the guards who came to get him

and nearly hugged someone in the crowd while the guards tried to drag his half-tranquilized body away

oswald was so fucking funny for the entire play. so funny. in 1.4 he came in with goneril and pointed at lear with the air of a small child tattling to the teacher; when kent attacked him he fell on the ground whimpering;  he came in to kill gloucester a moment before lear left and ducked back into the wings FAST before creeping out again

when the guards brought lear and cordelia in, someone set out the fool’s little folding chair, and cordelia ended up sitting on it during lear’s speech :( felt very my-poor-fool-is-hanged y’know

curan from 2.1 was the captain in 5.1! so he & edmund already had a bit of a relationship established

REGAN THREW HER WINE IN GONERIL’S FACE WHILE THEY FOUGHT OVER EDMUND

edgar and edmund dueled with two swords each

AND WHEN HE WAS INJURED AND ALBANY CALLED THEM BOTH OUT. GONERIL TOOK EDMUND’S SWORD AND WENT AT ALBANY WITH IT AND NEARLY GOT HIM BEFORE RUNNING OFFSTAGE

they cut “yet edmund is beloved” which is always a cardinal sin HOWEVER when he got the news about regan and goneril edmund stabbed himself which. pain and suffering!

much like albany himself, i literally forgot about lear and cordelia because i was so enthralled by gloucester brothers duel like. i was so caught up in the agony of edgar killing edmund that i forgot the other fucking bomb that had to drop and it was like getting bricked in the face

my last note literally reads “cannot believe i forgot abt the other bomb to drop jesus christ i hate this shit ass bitch ass play it really just fucking ends like that huh fuck off”

it was the first time i’ve ever seen live shakespearean theater and it literally could not have been better and i am terminally insane now.

[thran-duils]

Doll Me Up (P.11, Final)

Title: Doll Me Up (Part Eleven, Final) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Tony Stark. On good days, you and Tony were a power couple. You, a perfect trophy wife with your hands in local charities to promote a wholesome image. Tony, business man but sullied with organized crime. He indulged in his illegal gambling, extortion, and political corruption. And he indulged in his escort business. Hell, that is where he had found you. You were a brat, and he loved a challenge. Words: 1,892 Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, smut, daddy kink, dom/sub, manipulation, death, violence, possessive behavior, drug use

Part Ten ||  Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

~2 weeks later…

“Come now, drink up,” Tony said, gesturing impatiently since he was needing to leave to go to a meeting bright and early, and you picked up the glass warily.

He had made you a smoothie out of hemp, cucumber, avocado, kale, ginger, grapes, and coconut milk. You had watched him adding each ingredient feeling more and more anxious. You just wanted an egg and bacon sandwich.

You grimaced as you swallowed it. You whined, “I don’t like it.”

“Yeah, I don’t either but it’s good for us, kitten,” Tony said, grabbing his own glass and taking a swig. He barely held back a face. “I’ve gotta be tip top shape for you and the baby. And you gotta be tip top shape for baby Stark.”

Scowling, you stared down at your glass, muttering, “I don’t like you calling it that.”

“I don’t like you calling it… it.”

“Well, we don’t know the sex yet, so what do you want me to say?”

“Baby Stark,” Tony quipped, taking another drink. He eyed your glass, nodding, telling you to do the same.

You took another long drink and swallowed it with difficulty. “It sounds too close to that annoying ass song.” Tony cocked his head in confusion, and you said, “I won’t subject you to it. Or myself to it. Again. Once was enough. I’m glad we are past the age – hopefully – that abomination is in vogue.”

“Well, now you’ve got me curious,” Tony said, pulling out his phone.

“Please, don’t,” you begged and then thought quick to threaten, “I won’t finish this if you do.”

Tony pointed at you and said, “That’s not fair. That’s for baby… the baby. This is for me and you can handle it.” Your jaw set and put the glass down, staring defiantly back at him. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, not breaking eye contact. “You hate it that much?”

“Yes.”

Rolling his eyes, he placed his phone back down and picked his glass back up, taking another drink. At his relent, you did the same. Tony finished his and sucked his teeth before rinsing his glass in the sink. You forced yourself to finish as well and placed the glass back down on the counter. Tony grabbed it from you and rinsed yours as well.

He leaned in and gave you a quick kiss, “I’ll listen to it at work.”

“I am telling you, you shouldn’t subject yourself to it,” you replied.

“Digging my own grave then,” Tony joked before giving you another kiss, longer this time. He tapped your nose and said, “Do your laps in the pool, princess. Don’t forget. Doctor said that would help aches and loosening your muscles.” You nodded in response and he smiled, his hand coming to rest on your abdomen for a second before he moved past you to go to the garage and leave.

<><><>

~2.5 months later… (5.5 months along)

Tony had you on your knees on the bed, your fingers spread, digging into the bed, bracing yourself. He ran his hands up your sides as he kept a steady pace. He was being gentler than usual, and you were thankful, loving the intimate contact. His touch was sensual and loving. The further you got along, the more he was relaxing on the rough sex.

The two of you ended up on your sides, Tony holding you close this chest as you came down.

He laid a kiss on your cheek, still panting softly from the exertion considering he had done most of the work.

His hand slid down to your abdomen, caressing your ever growing bump gently.

“Look at how perfect and strong you are, kitten,” he murmured. He turned your head towards him and kissed you slow and deep. “A superhero in your own right, growing life.” You smiled gently at that.

<><><>

~1.5 months later… (7 months)

“She’s been good,” Happy commented, watching Y/N inside from the back patio. She was showing now completely, round, and no hiding her pregnancy. “I can admit, I am surprised.” He looked at Mikhail and said, “Looks like you aren’t a complete idiot.”

“Took you long enough to figure out,” Mikhail responded, taking a long drink, looking at the women gathered inside the room. He smacked his lips and said under his breath to Happy, “Not stoked about being at a baby shower but at least there’s a lot of nice ass to look at.”

Inside the mansion, you took the salad from your friend, who commented, “You should eat something else.”

“We are going to have cake later,” you said waving her off.

“I meant something more nutritious than a green salad, Y/N.”

“Spinach is very healthy,” you retorted.

“There are a lot of finger foods. Tea sandwiches. Meatballs on sticks with veggies. Deviled eggs. Pinwheels?”

You sighed, chewing the bite of salad you had just taken. “A couple deviled eggs wouldn’t be bad. And some veggie sticks with ranch.”

She walked off and you scowled to yourself. Everyone was trying to constantly get you to eat ‘healthy’ for the baby and it was getting worse, the hounding about everything you needed to do. You were tired of it. The constant asking about what you had eaten and when, the reminders to drink water as if you had not been drinking water your entire life, did you exercise…

Cassandra waltzed over, sitting down next to you. You were very thankful she had decided to come and had forgiven you for the scene at her house less than a year ago. She picked a crouton off your salad, drawing a smirk out of you as she winked, before she said, “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Where did you get this dress? It is gorgeous.”

“Tiffany Rose.”

“The blush color looks beautiful on you. And I love you went dramatic with the floor length.”

“Thanks. Would you expect anything less from me?” you asked, jokingly. She shook her head, smiling. You took another bite and swallowed. “Are you looking for a dress for your shower?”

She nodded in return. She was taking a break from porn – hinting she might not go back at all – having gotten pregnant herself. And then asked, her eyebrows wiggling, “Is the blush supposed to be an indicator about the sex?”

“No. I just liked the color.”

“You really don’t know the sex yet? It’s a surprise for everyone?”

“Well, for us. I’m sure Happy and Mikhail know. God knows Tony couldn’t have kept it all to himself. Good luck breaking them though. I’ve been trying to get Happy to slip up about it for a couple weeks.”

Cassandra leaned back and said, “So, he set it all up and then the cake cutting reveal is his secret?” You nodded. “Hmm, he put a lot of work into this.”

“He did,” you confirmed, taking another bite as your other friend returned with a plate of deviled eggs and the vegetables you had agreed to. You held out the half-finished salad bowl and they took it, albeit reluctantly seeing you had not finished. You took the plate and obliged them by eating one of the eggs. “He’s excited.”

You paused and then added, “Excited but he’s ready for rough sex again.”

“I’m sure you are too,” Cassandra joked, nudging you playfully.

“Yeah. I’m tired of just… growing.” You took a bite off one of the carrot sticks. “It’s never ending. And I know I’ve got probably another month and a half of it at least.”

“It’ll all be worth it,” Cassandra reassured you, stealing a celery stick off your plate now and biting into it.

You finished off your carrot, swallowed, and muttered, “I fucking hope so.”

Your hand came to your stomach, rubbing. You were anxious to know what the sex was. When the sex had been able to be detected, Tony insisted you should stay in the dark so he could make it an actual reveal at the baby shower for you. You hated not knowing when he did, but he had been persistent about the idea of it and you had gone with it because he seemed thrilled with the idea. You just wanted to know. You were hoping the party would progress faster so you could end that anxiousness.

When it finally happened, the blue inside the cake settled something in you. At least you knew what that part of your future was going to look like.

<><><>

~2.5 months later…

“What’s this?” Tony asked, seeing another travel bag next to yours.

“It’s for Miles,” you said as if that was obvious. You went back into your closet, grabbing another scarf from your collection. It was going to be cold at Lake Tahoe for the trip.

Tony took the scarf from you and put it in your travel bag. “He doesn’t need a bag. He’s staying here.”

“Wait, what?” you asked, stricken. He was only a month old. Barely.

“Doctors said one month is enough, but a lot recommend three months for trips. So, we are going to play it safe. He’ll stay here and we will go.”

“Tony, I—we can’t leave him!” you tried to argue, your hand falling protectively on his travel bag.

Tony’s eyes flicked to your hands and he gripped them, prying them away to grasp them in his. He stared into your eyes and said, “Sure we can. It’s only three days, Y/N. We will be back before you know it. He is an infant; he’s not going to notice.”

You were going to notice leaving your infant behind.

“I have to breastfeed him,” you tried another argument.

“Pump before we leave. You have back up in the fridge, no? And it keeps for up to four days. And then he can have formula otherwise.”

“I didn’t want to give him formula,” you protested.

“Don’t listen to that shit that says it’s not good. I had formula and I’m a genius by earthly standards,” Tony said, trying to make a joke. “I already got the formula, Wendy knows how to whip it up.”

“But—” you started to protest but Tony interjected.

“Just us, princess. Just us,” Tony said, his thumbs caressing your cheeks as he cradled your face.  “He’ll be fine. He’s in very capable hands with Wendy. You trust her right?” He waited for you to respond and you nodded; you did trust her, wholeheartedly. But that did not mean you did not want to bring your infant on a trip with the two of you. Before you could actually say anything, Tony’s hands fell from your face and gripped at your hips, sliding back to your ass to hold you close. “Let’s enjoy ourselves.” He leaned in, nipping at your ear, “Let me enjoy you. He’s been stealing all your attention as of late.”

You hated that last comment. Throughout your pregnancy and even from the beginning, you had had a nagging feeling Tony was going to get jealous about sharing your affection and attention. And that was just proving it.

“I deserve some attention, don’t I, baby?”

Shoving down argument, you forced a quick smile. “Of course, daddy. All of my attention.”

He smiled sensually, his hands kneading at your ass as he pulled you closer. His eyes were alight with adoration for you. “That’s my perfect princess.”

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21, @undecidedsworld

Fic tags: @kvzctam @farihafangirls, @teenageregression @mrsnegan25 @lilacs-lavender @agustdowney @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay @emmariexx

[julieloveupstead]

"I'm Never Leave You" - Upstead

Chapter 4

- "Detective Rollins," she heard a female voice on the other end.

- "Hello, this is Detective Upton with the Chicago Police Department." - Hailey called the detective who had handled two similar cases to the one she and the team were handling a few years ago.

- "Hello. How can I help you, Detective?"

- "Today we started on a double murder case, similar to the one we found that the state was investigating a few years ago." - she explained to the woman on the other end. In the meantime, Sergeant Platt brought her, the autopsy results of the murdered boys.

- "Which one specifically?" - the voice on the other side pulled her from her reading.

- "It's about the beating, sexual abuse and then murder of two young men. We found drugs in the building with a similar tag. We think the two cases are connected." - Hailey elaborated.

- "And that's how I remember that case. We had a case like that, but we didn't have a suspect. When the son of one of the diplomats was murdered, the FBI took over the investigation, but as far as I know they didn't even catch anyone either. Practically, the investigation came to a standstill." - Detective Rollins said. But listen, email us with what you've found so far, and we'll compare it with ours and let you know." - suggested the Detective on the other end.

- "Okay, we'll send you everything we have right away, and I look forward to hearing from you." - and after a brief goodbye, Hailey hung up.

She went back to reviewing what she got from Trudy and then decided to call the FBI some more, who as Detective Rollins told her had taken over the investigation.

At the same time, Jay in Voight's office. Since the Sergeant wasn't there, he figured nothing would happen if he stayed there for a while, and If the Sergeant returned unexpectedly, Jay didn't care. If anything, after what he found out, he didn't care what opinion he would have of him or how angry he would be with him. As far as Jay was concerned, Voight might not be coming back. Back on the case, Jay had just spoken with an officer from the LAPD, and they also arranged to share information.

After the call, he returned to the bullpen, where Hailey was still talking. He sat down at his desk and watched her. He may have looked like a stalker, but he loved watching Hailey passionately do every single thing, even when they weren't together yet, the passion with which she gave herself to her work was remarkable, and he always appreciated that very much.

Hailey could feel Jay's burning gaze on her from the start and had to really try to keep her attention on what Agent Anderson-Li was saying.

- Jay, don't look at me like that," Hailey whispered as she ended the call.

- How am I looking? - Jay asked in an innocent voice, getting up from his seat and walking over to Hailey's desk.

- Well, like this - she pointed her hand at him. Jay sat down on her desk as usual.

- What do you mean? - he asked again, leaning over her.

- Like I'm your whole world - she whispered huskily.

- I can't help it if you're my whole world, Angel. - he whispered back.

Hailey gazed into his eyes and saw the loving look in his eyes until her heart beat a thousand times more, and if it wasn't for the fact that she was sitting, she was sure that she would have fallen intimidated by such great affection. She felt like she would never get used to how much Jay loved her.

For many years, she thought she didn't deserve to have a guy love her for who she was. Her father had admirably proven that for many years of her teenage life, and then the guys she'd been with when they found out what baggage she had left her behind. The exception was Garrett, but before things could get serious with him, he died at the hands of Booth and now that she's with Jay she can't believe that after everything he's learned about her and everything she's done he's still here looking at her with the same tender, loving and lustful eyes.

Since the day they started being together, Hailey thinks she's been dreaming and doesn't for the hell of it ever want to wake up from it.

- Jay, please don't say that - she couldn't help but have fears in addition to all the wonderful emotions she was feeling. Because what does he really see in her? After all, she's no one special. And after what had happened a few days ago, and not only that, all her pushback to cross the boundaries of the law, it all didn't look to her advantage. She was broken, and she knew that Jay accepted her like this 100 or even 200%, but she couldn't quell the fear that someday Jay would finally realize that there was nothing to glue together, or would he just be tired of it all and just walk away?

She used to think that the thing that kept her from telling Jay how I felt about him was the fear that he wouldn't feel the same way about her, but now she thought it was the fear that she would finally realize how complicated it really was and his leaving.

- Hailey...

- Guys, I found the owners of the house where we found these two boys. - Adam entered the bullpen, preventing Jay from finishing. They both turned towards him and waited for further information from their friend. - The owners are Margaret and Joseph Tremblay. - He walked over to the board and pinned up a photo, then walked over to the two detectives and gave them some cards. - Two years ago Margaret died after a months-long battle with cancer, shortly afterwards Joseph left for a retirement home. They had no children. - He explained.

- And do you know who he sold it to? - Jay asked.

- No one, Joseph was just renting it out, not to some Richard West guy. - replied Adam. - And I checked that no one with that name had rented the house recently. - He added when he saw the questioning look from his friends.

- So he was cheated? - asked Hailey.

- It seems so. - answered Adam. - The only question is by whom - said Jay.

- 'Okay Adam, we'll wait for Kevin and for Sergeant Smith and Officer Wilson, and we'll be done for the day, because we probably won't find one today anyway. - Jay sat down at his desk.

- Adam, do you know anything about Kim? - Hailey dared to ask her friend.

- 'Mhmm, her parents are sitting by her, and her sister texted me that her condition is stable, but the doctors are afraid to wake her up yet. - He replied, sitting down in his seat. Jay and Hailey looked worriedly at Adam, who, though he tried to hold back, had tears in his eyes. - I'm so scared for her. - He hid his face in his hands.

The pair of detectives looked at each other. They felt very sorry for their friend. Hailey knew exactly what the friend was talking about. After all, it had been over a year ago that Hailey had been in his shoes, and she remembered well the fear when she found out Jay had been kidnapped, and then waiting in the hospital waiting room for him to get some information and for him to finally wake up. It was like a nightmare. For months, she couldn't shake the images of Jay full of blood lying on the concrete floor and even to this day in her nightmares reliving it all over again.

She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed in a gesture of support that Adam needed so much right now. Adam nodded in acknowledgement, Hailey smiled some more and went to the coffee room with a mug in her hand.

However, instead of making coffee, memories entered her head. She thought she had gotten over it, that she had accepted what had happened and moved on, but apparently this whole thing with Kim had caused the unwanted memories to return.

When Jay went missing, the worst part was the fear of not knowing where to look and that going around in circles was awful, and then the thoughts of whether she would make it in time or see him again. She was also angry with herself that something like this had happened, and until now she could not forgive herself that she had let such a situation happen at all. And when she finally managed to find him and saw his battered face her heart was breaking, but the fact that she found him beaten and bloody but alive helped give hope that all was not lost yet, that maybe they still had a chance. When Jay said he still had to come back for Angel, she barely held back the tears that started to appear at the corners of her eyes because it was all him. Jay Halstead, a man with a huge heart who always thinks of others first and himself last, even if it would cost him his life. And just when she thought the worst was behind her, it got worse. And waiting in that bloody room in the hospital waiting for any information about his condition and the emerging thoughts that this would be the last time she would see him was even worse. That's why he knows exactly what he might be experiencing right now.

Because knowing that the person you love so much is suffering, and you don't know if this is the last time you will see this person, is indescribable. Those things that you were afraid to tell him about, you may now not even have the chance to say anymore.

She closed the door and sat down on the couch. She brought her knees to her chest and just let go. She doesn't know at what point tears started streaming down her cheeks, and she didn't know if she was crying because of the memories, or because of Kim, or because of what happened in that damn warehouse, or maybe because of everything at once. She had to admit to herself that she felt tired of keeping herself in check in front of everyone, but most of all herself. She was already sick of it all. She felt a complete confusion in her head and did not know what she should do now. She knew that she would not be able to stand this way for long, that finally, after so many years, she had reached the limit of her endurance and did not know how to turn back.

When Hailey closed the door behind her, Jay still looked after her for a moment. He was worried, and he was worried a lot. He knew that the memories from over 1.5 years ago had to come back to her now because of Kim. Until now, Jay couldn't forgive himself for what he had done. When he was sitting in that basement and when they beat him and then after he was shot, his only thought was Hailey and her smile and how she would be mad at him. After that, he promised himself that he would never let something like that happen, that he would never let Hailey suffer. That's why he was so hurt by what Voight had done to her.

- Is Hailey okay? - Adam pulled him out of his thoughts.

- Mhmm, this whole Kim kidnapping thing has cost everyone a lot. - Jay didn't know how much he should say or if he should say anything at all, so he answered evasively. Adam just nodded.

- I remember when you were missing and Hailey was losing her mind. If it wasn't for her and what she did, I don't know if we would have found you. - Jay was puzzled by his friend's words and didn't know what to say, just stared at his companion.

He had never wondered how they had found him, he didn't know the need to revisit the subject. He was afraid that it would bring back bad memories and for him and most of all for Hailey, who he knew was going through a lot. - I know Hailey won't dare to do this, but I know her and I know that she loves you very much, you know that? - After a moment of silence Adam spoke again and again the honesty of his friend's words clobbered him. Now that he and Hailey were together to know that this wonderful person loved him was surreal, but in a positive sense of course, but when he heard it from an outsider, a person who doesn't even know they're together, it made his heart beat harder.

- I... Emm - Jay didn't know what he should say now, not to give too much away, and he was tempted to say out loud that he knew and that they were together, but he knew it wasn't something he should say himself.

- Jay - Desk Sergeant Platt came into the bullpen, delivering Jay from further conversation. Both men looked in her direction. - Nathan Robertson's parents had just arrived.

- Adam, will you come with me? - Jay looked at his friend, who nodded without hesitation. Before going downstairs, Jay took another look at the door to the break room where Hailey was staying and then approached Sergeant Platt. - Trudy, can I have a request? - The older woman just nodded, waiting for the young police officer to finally say something. - Could you sit with Hailey for a moment? - he asked quietly so that Adam, who was waiting for him by the stairs, could come over. Although he knew Hailey wanted to be alone, he didn't know if that was a good idea.

- Did something happen? - The Sergeant asked herself, surprised by her subordinate's request and most surprised by his worried look.

- You could say that. Serge, Hailey probably won't want to talk and will want to push you away but ... - He paused and looked away from Serge and looked in the direction his girlfriend was and then again at the older woman who was looking at him with a worried look. He realized suddenly that he trusted the woman standing across from him more than anyone on this command, much like Hailey, for whom Trudy was an important authority figure, and that was the only reason he'd dared after asking the Sergeant. - There's been a lot going on lately, and I'm just worried about her and I know she trusts you Serge like no one else and I trust you too. Hailey needs someone like you right now. - It was the first time he dared to say such a personal thing.

- Of course I'll sit with her. - Sergeant Platt hadn't been as moved by Jay's words in a long time as she was at that moment. The way Jay was worried about Hailey was heartwarming. It was the first time Trudy had seen, Jay so in love, and she was so happy that both of her best men were now happy.

- Thank you - Jay was grateful and sent the Sergeant a slight smile before joining his friend.

- Jay - before they went downstairs, though, Platt stopped them for another moment. - She almost forgot, I managed to identify the other boy. His name was Harry Bartel. He grew up in an orphanage and then was sent to a reformatory for theft and battery, where he had just met Robertson. - Jay nodded his head in understanding in passing, and then he and Adam finally went downstairs to the dead boy's parents.

Left alone, Trudy walked up to the locked room where she knocked on the closed door, and when she heard a quiet "please" after a moment, she entered.

Hailey was sitting on the couch and when she looked at the Desk Sergeant entering the room, she quickly wiped her wet cheeks and tried for a warm smile, but unfortunately a grimace came out.

- What's up, Trudy? - she said in a voice hoarse from crying, which she tried to mask with a grunt.

- Hailey, what's going on? - Trudy immediately noticed that she must have been crying, which immediately worried her.

- I don't know what you're talking about. - Hailey tried her best to sound normal and hide everything, hoping that the Sergeant would let it go. However, seeing the expression on the older woman's face, she knew she wouldn't succeed.

- Hailey, who are you trying to fool? - Platt sat down next to her subordinate and watched her vigilantly, sitting down at the table so that she could look at her. - Your boyfriend said it would be like this. - The older woman laughed, causing a puzzled look on Hailey's face.

- Did you talk to Jay? - Hailey asked herself in disbelief at the Desk Sergeant's words.

- Chuckles just confirmed what I've been seeing for the past few weeks, and I'm not talking about you, I mean what's going on with you. - She looked at her with a watchful, bone-penetrating gaze, making Hailey feel as if the older woman was reading her mind.

- Serge, it's all right, really - Upton tried again to convince the woman sitting next to her, and above all herself, that nothing was going on, but to no avail. With all her might, she did not want to let on that it was wrong, that something was going on. It's enough that he sees her so broken all the time, and that shouldn't be the case. Hailey doesn't like to show her weakness, that something hurts her, that there are millions of demons swirling around in her head that she can't deal with.

- You're a lot like me, you know? - said Platt in reply to Hailey, who was surprised by her words and waited for her to elaborate further. - From an early age I was taught that emotions are weakness, that if I am not tough, that if I show even the slightest weakness I will get nowhere. So I was like that at work and at home, which meant I was alone most of my life, but I didn't care too much because I worked in the police force, which was my dream, so as long as everything was going well professionally I didn't care that I had no boyfriend, no friends. At work, this frigidity helped me to survive in a world dominated by men. But then it started to bother me and when Mouch came into my life, everything changed. - It was a surprise that the Sergeant entrusted her with such private matters. She didn't really know why the older woman was telling her all this. - Look, Hailey, I'm not going to get you to confess to me, but I do want to tell you that if you want to talk to someone, and you don't necessarily want to tell Detective Chuckles, you know where to find me. - she assured Trudy.

Those words touched Hailey deeply. She closed her eyes and let out two deep breaths to calm herself. She wanted to tell Sergeant Platt the whole truth about what happened that day in that damn warehouse, but she was afraid that not only would she lose her job, but that Jay and the rest of the team would get in trouble, and she couldn't let that happen.

- Trudy, I appreciate your frowning at the truth, but I can handle it. - She turned her face towards the Sergeant. - But if something were to happen, or I wanted to talk, I know where to report. - she sent the woman a grateful smile.

- Okay - Trudy nodded, knowing she wouldn't convince Hailey to confide in her.

- Oh shit - Hailey looked at the clock hanging on the wall - I should send the documents to New York. - She stood up abruptly and without waiting for the Sergeant, she left the break room to meet Jay and Adam entering the bullpen at the same time.

- Do you guys have anything? - she immediately asked the men while crossing her arms over her chest.

- Nothing in particular. - Ruzek was the first to speak up.

- 'I don't understand how you can turn your back on your own kid,' snorted Jay as he dodged Hailey and sat down in his seat.

- What do you mean? - Hailey asked, looking at her boyfriend.

- Robertson was 15 when he first went to juvie and since then his parents had forgotten about him, and now they didn't even shed a single tear. Disbelieving. - Hailey could see that Jay was angry, at these people, and she wasn't surprised at all. She herself couldn't fathom why parents did so much evil to their children, it was incomprehensible. She walked over to Jay and put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in a gesture of support. They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, Hailey smiled slightly assuring Jay that she was fine and that she didn't need to worry, Jay returned the smile.

- 'What about Kevin? - Hailey asked, stepping slightly away from Jay.

- And with me, two pieces of information - as if on cue, Kevin appeared in the bullpen. - First of all - he went straight to the board and started to explain what he had found. - There are no drugs in our warehouses with that tag, nor any narcotics cop any dealer dealing the same amphetamine we found in that house.

- But? - spoke up Hailey sensing that Kevin was not telling all.

- But one of my informants heard some time ago that a big player had recently appeared in town, but he doesn't know who it is. He said as soon as he finds out something, he'll let you know.

- And that's all you've agreed on for five hours? - said a sergeant from the Homicide and Burglary department with a commanding tone, appearing out of nowhere together with his subordinate, who Hailey thinks looks at Jay too often.

- I don't understand? - said a visibly irritated Jay, standing next to Hailey.

- I mean, detective, that ...

- Sergeant, is there a problem? - unexpectedly in the room appeared Sergeant Voight and in truth Hailey, really tried, but she couldn't stop herself from violently drawing in air and instinctively moved closer to Jay.

- 'Your people haven't established anything for five hours,' Sergeant Smith explained in a smug voice. She felt Jay's muscles solidify and then felt his hand on her back, at which she instinctively moved even closer to him. She needed to feel the contact with his skin, to feel that he was there because that was the only way she could keep from giving in to the impending panic attack.

- Okay, Jay get all the information together and then you and Hailey will come to me - at that word I swallowed my saliva nervously and felt Jay clench his fists tighter. I stepped back so that my back was touching Jay's chest, to calm my nerves, to keep from being plunged into panic.

She wasn't ready to face their Sergeant yet.

- Sergeant Smith, welcome to my office. - and with that Voight entered his office, followed by the Sergeant from Homicide, to talk behind closed doors.

❁❁❁

- Adam go to the hospital and sit with Kim. - spoke up Jay after some time of work.

- What? - asked a surprised Adam.

- You stare at that phone for 30 minutes - said Hailey, turning towards him.

- Go Kim needs you - added Jay.

- Thank you - Adam started to pack his things and a moment later he was gone.

- You too - Jay turned to Kev.

- Thank you, but I will stay and help you. - protested the officer.

- Okay, whatever you want - replied Jay, shrugging his shoulders. - Hailey - Jay turned to his partner, who looked at him with a questioning expression on her face. - We've already sent everything to New York, and we'll probably have to wait a few hours for an answer anyway, so you can go home. - Come on. I'm not leaving you guys. - she said confidently.

- Hailey - Jay walked over to Hailey and sat down on her desk. They looked into each other's eyes for a moment and communicated only in their own way, without words.

- Jay, Hailey come to me - a grey-haired man leaned out of the office and Hailey regretted her decision to stay on District. Jay put a hand on his girlfriend's shoulder and whispered to her to go home after all, then got up and walked over to the Sergeant.

- Hailey has to do one thing with Kevin, so I'm going to have to suffice you myself,' Jay said in an unobjectionable voice. Hailey could see how angry he was and how hard he tried not to show it in front of her and Kevin, who completely didn't understand what was going on.

Hailey didn't want to go out and leave Jay alone, but on the other hand, she was afraid that she would lose control of her emotions as soon as the door closed behind her and the three of them stayed in that office.

- That's how one of my CIs spoke up, wanting to meet. - Kevin spoke up, trying to support his friends.

- 'Okay, go ahead - Voight spoke up after a moment, then walked into his office, followed by Jay, who closed the door behind him and sent her a smile to let her know that everything was okay. Hailey tried to smile as well, but for some reason she couldn't do it and a grimace came out.

- Come on, Hailey - she was pulled out of the shock she was in by the touch of a hand on her shoulder.

- Yes, I'm coming - she shook her head to get rid of unnecessary thoughts. She quickly gathered her things and a moment later she was already in Kevin's car.

She didn't want to talk and Kevin didn't press the issue, although Hailey could feel his worried look on her and knew he had a lot of questions. She laid her head against the glass and watched the passing streetlights. She closed her eyes and let a few tears run down her cheeks. She knew this was the first time Kevin had seen her like this, but she no longer had the strength to pretend to be strong, and she knew Kevin was one of those people she wasn't ashamed to show emotion around, and she also knew he wouldn't ask any questions if she wasn't comfortable. So now they were driving to her house and in silence, punctuated by street sounds.

[princessnijireiki]

wait okay so I def have been hearing & absorbing criticism from other Latines & Latin American ppl about Encanto bc imo it was still very nice, aesthetically beautiful, and better than I was expecting from Disney, but yeah, white writers & directors & producers, obvs Lin has only written 1.5 musicals in his life and keeps remixing them for everything else he's hired for (Encanto is just surprising bc it's one of his most successful executions, I think he def detracted from & held back Moana's potential a LOT), and as soon as they announced Encanto my first thought was, "were no Colombian songwriters available?" bc besides him being under contract... VERY weird that he is the one size fits all "It Boy™️" for white Hollywood's take on Latin rep rn

which is to say: I am open to less than glowing reviews of it!

HOWEVER, I saw a FB post on my feed from somebody complaining abt not liking the story or songs, but being like, "I loved seeing representation for all my AfroLatinx friends & family, though!" and it irked the shit out of me, and I couldn't place why... girl... I just remembered lmao.

first of all, no she's not Hispanic, so yes that was irritating, idk that she has any Latino family in the first place. secondly, yes she adored Hamilton.

thirdly... THIRDLY. I tend to forget she did this because it was in fucking sane & completely out of left field. she's the one who asked me both to brainstorm a "nonappropriative way" to do a Día de Muertos taco themed birthday party for one of her now-ex friends... and no I am not Mexican... and no it did not occur to her to just serve tacos without doing an ethnic "theme" complete w Party City type decor & costumes. and also asked me to translate a list of chores for that same ex-friend's new maid into Spanish bc she hired someone who didn't speak English (likely to be exploitatively cheap!) and did not herself speak Spanish... which is an INSANE ASK OFF TOP, RIGHT. but Y'ALL. to this day she has yet to hear me ever speak Spanish in front of her!!! she has never heard ANYBODY in my family speak Spanish!!! she assumed I spoke Spanish, was fluent, was open to that crazy fucking request, and that I SPECIFICALLY would have strong vocab skills in fucking cleaning products & bullying minimum wage employees.

I've talked about that incident on here before tbh just because every time I remember it it pisses me off AND bewilders me bc she would rightfully be fucking offended if I said, "oh we're doing a costumed sushi, samurai & Shinto funeral themed party lol" or "oh you definitely know how to say 'scrub the shit out from under the rim of the toilet & wash my dirty panties on 'sanitize' mode, oh also you get one unpaid 15min break' in Japanese, right?" ...and bc she's Black this weird ass fucking behavioral issue of hers is also not sth that came up in Black cultural discussions, bc of COURSE that racism is not directed towards herself or the aspects of MY identity that WE have in common. but when your baseline interactions are not fucked up in that specific way (until they suddenly are), it feels really weird to get the "nice" liberal "progressive" version of being called a fucking wetback by someone you considered a friend.

and anyway yeah she don't like Encanto but she's claiming all the Black rep + not a peep on the Indigenous rep, political backdrop, narratives of trauma, the artistic context it functions within, etc (and to top it all off Yes: she graduated w a whole history degree, Yes: she literally used to work doing historical reenactments alongside Native reenactors + costumed conquistadors in one of the local Spanish cities, and Yes: she still has a job in the history & education field).

and yk, this is one of those things where as a post it started out about Encanto & the importance of #ownvoices creation AND intracommunity convos re: critique of our own cultural works outside of a white, colonial, and/or xenophobic gaze, plus, like... general things people do that piss me off lol. but the post is ending on this note instead:

in 2022 I need to get used to the idea of not only continuing to assert boundaries over how I'm treated going forward— because at my big age now, I would never let that shit fly again, but my whole life, I've endured a LOT of shitty one-sided friendships just because I didn't know I didn't HAVE to LET people treat me bad... and there was never any shortage of people who WOULDN'T have done that to me, but that internal weakness & vulnerability, like that lack of self respect + enforcing standards of that respect from others, both attracts people who like you not having strong boundaries, AND it mentally closes you off to being open to relationships that DON'T look that way, because you think it's normal to endure physical cruelty or being demeaned or being expected to demean YOURSELF to access or deserve love or companionship.

but I also need to get more & more accustomed to stepping on toes in a very big way in order to do it. like in a very permanent, soccer cleats to the instep kind of way. because it's EASY to do that with people you don't give a shit about. who have no power over you, or whose treatment you aren't numb to (tbh FB is mostly sth I use for family, so the fact that this is usually background noise should tell you she's not the only person I need to remove from my friends list lol) or who you aren't clinging to out of some unaddressed desperation, loneliness, or needing closure, hesitation to abandon invested time (sunk cost fallacy...) or just being too afraid to confront the fact that someone you'd never do that to treats you badly BECAUSE they think of you exactly as badly as they act.

but no matter what reason you have for not having done it sooner... it feels silly the first time you accept a small frivolous thing like a cartoon can be a catalyst... but even if the last fucking straw is something stupid, that camel's back ain't any less broken. so it's a hard life skill. but I accept that I need to put loyalty to MYSELF over unearned loyalty to others, especially if that loyalty was spat on, exploited, and abused. and that includes the process of getting comfortable with hurting people's feelings when you tell them no & walk away.

but YEAH whew it's surreal to process that the last nail in the coffin of resentment that this friendship is being buried in is a fairly mild post about a Disney cartoon, specifically because 1) I've spent a long time (on this website specifically, actually) learning how to outsmart my ADHD by verbalizing my anger in longform stream of consciousness until I remember what dots to connect, and it clicks— can't do that on Twitter, baby— and 2) because in the years I've known this person, I've done a lot of self-work on self-valuation (ironically: a narrative theme of Encanto), and that means the cartoon post SHOULD have bothered me BECAUSE not only is it a friendship I've outgrown, I am & always have been worth more than being treated like that. so now the next step is I just gotta get used to making that the other person's problem, because it's damn sure not mine.

[sugiwa]

Hi. I am the Advice Anon. Please ignore those asks! I am so sorry for spamming your ask box. I still need help, so I’ll paste the entire thing over here. Again, sorry and thank you! Have a great day!

My reply and the full ask are below:

Hello! I hope you’ve been having a great day so far. This is probably unlike all of the other asks you get on a daily basis, author. However, I am in dire need of help, and I have turned to you. Before I begin, I want to apologize in advance, as this ask is going to be long. Now, like I said before, I need some help. You see, I am a freshman in high school, and school hasn’t even been going on for a full 10 weeks (a quarter), and I am already in a huge, messy, sticky situation. You probably already know that in high school, you need a certain number of credits in each field to be able to graduate. I am going to be extremely vague about this because it doesn’t really matter, and I’d really like to remain anonymous, if you know what I mean. One of the fields is World Languages and Visual Arts. Obviously, I am not talented enough to do Visual Arts, so I opted for World Languages instead. My teacher for the course I chose this year… she’s nice. Really kind, and I love that she makes learning a whole new language and culture, which is extremely hard, so much fun. And the fact that she’s one of the nicest teachers I know makes the rest of this so, so painful for me. 4 days ago, for me, was a Thursday. In this class, we had a vocab quiz that day (background info: two days before every quiz, my teacher posts a practice quiz to be done before class starts). I don’t really want to discuss what happened, as it still brings tears to my eyes, but I will give you a vague summary of what was going on. Basically, I couldn’t access my quiz (it was online), so my teacher told me to come in after school to re-do it. I was supposed to close down my computer and work on homework from another class, but instead of doing so, I worked on the practice quiz. And… this was considered cheating, because I was getting extra practice in before taking the quiz– something that the other students didn’t get, you know? My teacher saw my computer screen, and told me that she’d talk to me after school, and she’d be calling home. I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the class, because I was afraid of what might happen when she called home. After school, she told me to speak with her, and be honest about it. When cheating happens, at our school, the teacher will write us up for Academic Dishonesty and give it to the administration, who then decides the consequences. My teacher had told me that if I was honest with her, she wouldn’t write my up; she’d just give me a zero on the quiz and call home and tell them what I did. I was honest with her, because like I said before, I was afraid. Once I told her everything that happened, she told me that I could call home, let them know what happened myself, and I’d be off the hook (with a zero on the quiz, of course). So, I called home, like she had asked of me, but… they didn’t pick up. I told her that they didn’t pick up, and she told me that it was fine, and that she’d talk to my parents in-person before they picked me up from school. I’m not going to lie, that terrified me more than calling home. I don’t really remember what happened after that, because I was too busy crying, but I do remember that she mentioned something about me doing this before, and that it was not OK to do it the second time, but she’d let me off the hook. The thing is, I am 100% sure I haven’t done this before… or maybe she just didn’t approach me the first time. I told her that I didn’t do this before, and she told me that I was lying again, and began to write me up. I told her that I didn’t mean to do this, and that I was sorry, but she told me to stop lying. She said that she DID approach me the first time I did this, and that I was rude to her then. This brought tears to my eyes– my kind of favorite teacher telling me that I was rude to her. You see, I didn’t grow up here, and although I’ve lived here for 4 years, I am not used to the way people interact here. It was very different where I grew up. For example, you didn’t ask each other how their day was, or what they did during their day, unless you were REALLY curious or concerned, because that was considered nosy and rude. So, I tend to be unintentionally rude, and completely oblivious to it; I have no idea when I’m being rude or not, unless someone specifically says so. I also don’t really understand people well, so that’s a huge problem. So… hearing this from her, really hurt. I told her that I didn’t intend to be rude, and I was trying my best to change (I mean, I was & am reading a book to teach me etiquette and all), and she replied with “that’s good to hear”. Then, when my parents came to pick me up, she talked to them, and even asked one of my parents to walk with us to the Administration Office to turn in the write up. Stuff happened, I got called into the Assistant Principal’s office, and now I have a zero on my quiz (and my homework activity that I never finished), Saturday School, and a black mark on my record. But the thing is… that’s not what I’m concerned about at all. Sure, getting my grades up in time for Progress Reports is going to be an extremely hard task, and Saturday School is going to leave a huge black mark on my record, but that’s not what I’m worried about. My grades have been fractured, but so has my relationship with this teacher. I feel as though she hates me now, that she has lost all trust in me. (Background info: our school does Odd and Even days, so I have half of my classes on one day and half on the other, so that means that I didn’t face my teacher at all on Friday) 3 days ago, on Friday, when I went to school, it was an average day. It would have been an amazing day, had it not been for the situation I was in. All I could think about that day was my World Language teacher. And just thinking about her, and about that classroom, it… gives me a bit of anxiety. This is where I need your help. What would you do if you were in my situation? I really want to repair my relationship with my teacher, because I know that she’s really important; we’re going to be on the same campus for the next 4 years of my life, and even more importantly, she’s going to be my teacher for the next 8 months. I want to graduate with good grades, but more importantly, I want to graduate without holding a grudge against my teacher. I want her to like me, and I want to gain her trust again. Today is a Sunday for me, and I have to go back to school tomorrow, and I have her class then. A part of me is really scared to go to school, a part of me is really angry at my teacher for reporting me (even though it was the right thing to do), and a part of me wants to ditch school tomorrow, or even drop out or transfer from her course, all because I don’t want to face her after I did the wrong thing. It’s not only that, either. I’ve also been avoiding my friends. Would you like to know why I am confiding in awesome strangers on the internet anonymously instead of letting my friends know what’s going on? It’s because I’m afraid that they won’t like me anymore, and they’d ditch me or something. They’re amazing people, and I know that they won’t do that, but a part of me is still paranoid. I’ve been avoiding my friends since Friday, barely talking to them at school, and texting them a little bit in our group chat. They don’t really suspect anything, but that’s good. And that’s why I am asking you. Not just you, but actually anyone who sees this, if they helped me, I’d really appreciate it. I really need help moving forward in this situation, and I’m desperate for help. My parents don’t understand the situation I’m in, and I’m too scared to talk to my friends about it, so I’d really appreciate the help. It’s OK if you don’t reply to this, author. I know that this doesn’t affect you in any way, so you’re not obliged to help me. I’d like to thank you for taking the time from your day to read these extremely long asks. Have a great day. P.S: I absolutely love What Heroes Do! Izumi is such a well written character, and sometimes, I see myself in her. The way she handles situations is so inspirational! And your writing skills are top-tier! My best friend and I actually started writing a book 4 years ago (I mean, we wrote for one month in 6th grade, and then spent one day in 8th grade editing it, and we’ve only got a prologue and 1.5 chapters done, so… clearly, we aren’t doing a good job lol), and you’ve inspired me to go back to that book and re-do it! Thank you so much for being such an inspiration and an idol of mine! Ilysm ❤️

sugiwa:

I wanted to take the  proper time to reply to this. I think any adult willing to hold a grudge against a child is in the wrong. You clearly made a mistake and are now taking steps to improve and learn from it. Additionally, I think teachers tend to forget how much stress students are under in their academic and private lives, so a mistake should be used as an opportunity to teach not punish. I don’t think that you should worry about what this teacher thinks of you. Your teacher didn’t believe you, despite you telling them the truth. No matter how kind or nice someone is, their behavior towards you will always reflect their inner thoughts. If you’ve clearly made a mistake, you should fight to prove that. It’s not as if you intended to ‘cheat,’ given the situation we’re all in with the pandemic, online classes and quizzes are the norm. These kinds of things probably happen regularly. Additionally. I don’t think you need to concern yourself with being rude. My culture is rather blunt and when I first moved here, people weren’t fans of brutal honesty, so it was a big cultural shock.  If people aren’t willing to learn about your culture and understand, then I don’t think they’re people worth hanging out with. Lean on your friends, I don’t think they’d make a big deal over a couple of mistakes and if they do, then it might be worth reconsidering why you were friends with them. 

Thank you for your kind words about the story and I really hope everything works out for you!!

[melofanish]

Clumsy Your Way Into My Heart

@carlosreyesweek​ Day 6: AU!!!

Summary: When Carlos first volunteered to go grocery shopping for the station, he didn’t think he would be overthinking it as much as he is right now.

Cereal box shenanigans and loads of blushing later:

Carlos finds that he’s much calmer than he’s ever been since he got here. Maybe overthinking about food isn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

Tags: Carlos Reyes, TK Strand, Mentioned Owen Strand, Mentioned Paul Strickland, Mentioned Marjan Marwani, Mentioned Mateo Chavez, Mentioned Judd Ryder, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Clumsy Boys, Firefighter Carlos Reyes,, Police Officer TK Strand, Pre-Relationship, Flirting.

Warnings: Blushing and clumsiness.

At the moment in which I'm writing this, this fic has been started less than 24 hours ago and was completed 10 minutes ago. My beta is going through it right now and I'm getting AO3 and Tumblr ready. As we've found out, AU is my kryptonite.

The hugest, and largest thanks and love to the one and only @lire-casander. The amount of love and support that I get from this woman is unbelievable. The help she's been on this fic alone is insane, let alone with everything else that I do. She's been a guide and a friend and this would not have happened without you <3

Read on AO3.

---

When Carlos first volunteered to go grocery shopping for the station, he didn’t think he would be overthinking it as much as he is right now. And yet he keeps remembering how Marjan can only eat halal food and Mateo is lactose sensitive, Paul likes spicy food but Judd can’t handle any. Captain Tommy -he still needs some time to get used to her not wanting to be called by her last name- likes white bread while his own soon-to-return Captain Strand won’t eat anything that isn’t full-grain. So he keeps getting more food, and more food, and more food.

He started out shopping like he usually would, keeping in mind the slight dietary restrictions; a few vegetables and fruits, several dairy and soy products, some poultry. And then he came to the realisation that it would be better if he bought food for more than one day’s meals. And then his brain supplied the wonderful what if I want to make a dish and I can’t find canned peeled cherry tomatoes, which he knows is not only highly specific but also highly unlikely. And yet he now finds himself dragging a cart on the verge of overflowing. And he’s still got seven more aisles to go.

He's so focused on studying the displayed boxes of cereal that spread across half an aisle, holding two different brands in his hands and moving right and left to compare them with others, that he doesn't notice a whole other human being on the way until he’s being run over by flesh and bones.

They immediately get into a fumbling battle, legs somehow holding up. The boxes in Carlos’ slip, so do the other person’s. Carlos manages to catch two cartoons, the faint recognition that one of them is sugar flakes -which he didn’t pick- runs through his mind before he focuses on yet another cartoon making its descent through the sky. He steps forward, and so does the other person. They crash in the middle, chest to chest. And this time, they all come crashing to the ground.

Carlos lands on a knee, hands already going out to hold onto the boxes, when a body slams into his. He drops the box, holding onto the waist person that’s half splayed on him now. He follows the flat chest, taking note of the APD logo on the side of his shirt and the rainbow pinned next to it, to the bare beginnings of a stubble, up across thin, pink lips and a sharp nose, to end at mesmerising green eyes.

It takes all of his will power not to gasp, but he can't stop the dropped jaw. The man is beautiful. There's no other way to describe him. His light brown hair lays a mess on top of his head, his green eyes sparkle with a mix of shock and surprise, and his teeth seem to find relief in sinking into his lower lip.

He feels movement around him, and then a hand makes its way between them and lays on his shoulder. He feels the pressure on his chest give way, manifesting as an exhale from the man. Carlos realises that he’s been holding his breath too, and sighs, his exhale mingling with the man’s inhale. And then a cart crashes behind them, and they realise they’re sitting on the floor of a grocery store in the middle of the day. Their bubble crashes.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so clumsy I can’t believe this happened!” The man says as he fully pushes off Carlos, eye contact breaking to pick up the dropped boxes. The apology finally breaks through Carlos’ hazy mind, and he let’s go of the man’s shirt, coming to a stand as well as he picks up the remaining boxes.

“Oh no, no! It’s my fault, I wasn’t looking,” he states, finally straightening up. "Good save, officer,” he adds as he steps back before he can even think about.

The man's eyes snap back to him, widening in shock before his face breaks into a small smile and then his head falls forward, chuckling and shaking his head. Carlos finds himself snickering as well.

"I can say the same to you, firefighter," the man says, nodding his chin towards Carlos' own AFD shirt.

Carlos looks at his own shirt before he looks back at the man. He feels like he knows him, he's seen him before, but he can't remember where or when. But the green eyes bore into his very soul, so he looks down at his hands instead, finally noticing the box of organic multi-bran flakes.

"Uhh, these are yours? I'm guessing?"

The man looks at Carlos' hands, eyes and mouth opening is recognition. "Yeah, those are my dad's. A disgrace to the very idea of flakes," he adds as he glares at the box.

“They’re not that bad,” Carlos laughs, and the glare redirects itself from the box to Carlos. Which makes him cut himself mid-laugh, only to dissolve into chuckles again when the man cracks the smallest of smiles.

“Are you just saying that or have you actually tried them?”

“I’ve tried them, my captain back at the station likes them,” he replies, moving a step back to drag his cart closer. “I even got a box here,” he gestures to the cartoon laying on top of the mountain.

“Pfft, and I thought my dad was the only one crazy enough to like these. Good to know there’s someone else like him in here,” he shakes his head in amusement, a sentiment Carlos shares. Of everything he was imagining when he moved states to join the 126, he wasn’t expecting to be talking to a cute officer in the middle of the grocery store, discussing cereal of all things.

The man takes a few steps back, reaching behind the corner of the aisle and dragging a cart up next to him. Carlos extends an arm to him, handing over the box, which he takes and drops into his cart.

Carlos can’t help but sneak a peek into it. There’s a very obvious mix of junk food and snacks, and healthy organic and full-grain foods. It reminds him of his new Captain. He hasn’t interacted with him much, the man getting injured a mere day after Carlos got transferred. But the rest of the crew has given him a list of all the dietary preferences, Captain’s included.

He looks up at the man, finding him alternating between looking at the ground and the shelves. Carlos has noticed that he already has three boxes of cereal, he couldn’t possibly need more. He looks like he wants to say something, or maybe he’s reading it wrong and he wants to move away. Either way, he decides to take a plunge. He’s already moved half-way through the country in a leap of faith, why not take another one?

“I’m Carlos, by the way,” he extends an arm to the man, “Reyes, of AFD.”

The smile that he receives tells him that it’s the right choice. The other man extends his arm, hand wrapping around Carlos’ in a warm embrace. If this is how his hand feels, Carlos can’t even imagine what a hug would feel like.

“Hello, Carlos, I’m TK,” he gives their hands a shake. “Strand, of APD.”

Carlos is so enamoured with the man’s -TK’s- eyes and smile that it takes him a moment to register the name. But once he does, he can’t help the quick and rapid blinking he does to clear his mind.

“Wait, did you just say Strand?”

“Uhh,” TK blinks back at him, turning his head to a side as his eyelids flutter in confusion. “Yeah?”

Carlos doesn’t pay him much mind though, what are the chances of this happening?

“Is your father Owen Strand? Captain of the 126?”

“Yeah, that’s my dad, how did you know that?” All of the confusion that was mildly visible on TK’s face is now showcased a full one hundred per cent, both in his facial expressions and tone of voice.

“He’s my captain!” Carlos exclaims. “I work with the 126 too!”

It seems to take TK a moment to come to terms with what Carlos is saying. But the moment drags on so long that he begins to think he just got this awfully wrong. He’s about to disentangle their still bound hands when clarity finally shines on TK’s face and he breaks into a wide grin.

“You’re the new guy from New Jersey,” he says around a smile. Carlos is confused for just a second, wondering how he knows about his previous state of residence when TK continues talking. “My dad told me all about you! He can’t wait to get back tomorrow and work with you again. Said he only had to see you on one call and he knew he made the right choice asking you to join the 126.”

Carlos feels the blush rising up the back of his neck and into the highs of his cheeks, but he can’t really stop it. He knows he’s good at his job, he knows he’s a decent firefighter. But having the son of his Captain relay what said Captain said brings a sense of belonging and validation he didn’t think he’d get a mere three weeks on the job.

“He… he said that?” he asks. He needs to know. He’s been worried, stressing himself out of his mind in fear that he’s not showing the best of his abilities. Not only did he travel 1.5 thousand miles from one border of the country to another, he also took a job with a team that’s already well-formed and perfectly working without him. They didn’t ask for him because they needed him, they asked for him because they just wanted to. And he’s constantly aware of that whenever they’re on a call and everyone is on top of what they need to be doing.

“Yeah, man, he did!” TK says. He then takes another look at Carlos, and he can only guess that he can read minds. “He said you’re sharp, careful and smart. You think twice as hard and act twice as fast. He said you carry the job like it should be, with respect and responsibility,” he smiles at Carlos, closing the step between them and bringing a hand up to run the back of his fingers across the logo on his shirt.

Carlos brings his own hand up, covering TK’s -one of many things he’s done before his consciousness can think it out today. TK’s eyes glance over their hands before they stare up into him, the faint emerald greens ripping his insecurities and uncertainties into shreds with each passing second.

“Thank you,” he whispers. He can’t talk any louder when they’re this close. “I needed to know that.”

The smile he gets in reply is worth the distance he travelled. TK drifts his gaze down Carlos’ face, and he copies the action. He finds TK’s lower lip hidden between the bite of his upper teeth, and he can’t help but imagine what they would feel like holding onto his own.

“Excuse me!”

Carlos snaps his head to the side, a woman with bright red hair standing there glaring at both of them. He sneaks a quick glance at TK, both of them stepping back as she steps forward, reaching between them to grab a box of cereal before she dumps it into her cart and moves along. He follows her until she turns the corner, no longer in his visual field, before he turns back to a blushing TK.

He provides a small, pained smile, and Carlos laughs at the expression he’s presented with. They’ve been caught in two of these situations so far, and they’ve only met for minutes. Carlos supposes it would be embarrassing if it wasn’t for the pull he feels towards the man. The pull that has both of them stepping forward again, until there’s barely a foot of distance between them.

“So, you’ve been here for three weeks, right?” TK asks. Carlos knows TK knows the answer. Captain Strand sprained his shoulder on Carlos’ first day here, and that was three weeks ago. He nods anyway.

“So, I’m guessing you haven’t seen much of the city yet?”

A twinkle of hope starts to bubble in Carlos’ chest. He has a faint inkling of where this is going, but he isn’t sure. He can only wish and pray.

“No, not really. I’ve been to a couple of places with the crew, that’s it,” he answers, pausing for a moment to take a breath. “I haven’t found a tour guide yet.”

TK chuckles at him, the sound sending waves of happiness through Carlos, even as TK shakes his head at him. “Well, then, I have a proposition for you, Firefighter Reyes.”

Carlos is playing into it without a moment to think. “Oh, do you now, Police Officer Strand?”

TK is nodding back at Carlos before the words are even out of his mouth.

“How about this: I’ll be your tour guide.”

Carlos looks up at the ceiling of the store, rubbing a hand through his chin and humming as feigns thinking. “What would your payment be?” he asks.

“You let me take you out for coffee,” TK says around a smirk. All pretence of a game falls through shambles immediately, and they’re back into an intense round of gazing into each other eyes. Almost as if they can read each other through them.

“Can I bargain for a cheesecake?”

The question seems to come out of nowhere and throw TK off his track. His eyes widen for a moment before he’s bursting into laughs. The loud, booming kind with the head thrown back and hands bracing his own chest. Carlos smiles at the sight, the closed eyes, the exposed neck, the sound that carries absolute joy; it’s a view he wants to see for the entire rest of his life.

“Ahh, that can definitely be arranged,” TK says once he manages to stop laughing.

Carlos doesn’t reply. Instead, he takes his phone from his pocket, opening the contact app and handing it over. TK takes it, types a few buttons and gives it back. Carlos looks at the screen to see that he’s calling a number. A number that’s been saved under TK Strand Grocery Officer.

A phone ringing has him lifting his head, just in time to see TK pull out his own phone, decline the call and press a few more times on the screen. He then turns it around showing Carlos his own number saved as Carlos Reyes Grocery Fire.

“I think there should be a fighter in there,” he comments, much to the amusement of TK.

“Naaah. That might be your job,” he replies, looking Carlos up and down. “But you’re straight fire.”

As if on command, said fire burns through his face as he blushes yet again. This time he doesn’t resist the urge to hide his face, lifting his hands to cover the warmth he can feel spreading to the tips of his ears. He hears a chuckle he knows is TK’s behind his shield. He doesn’t know how this happened, but he’s sure he’ll be able to recognise the sound out of a crowd of a hundred people.

He feels hands touch his fingers wrapping around his palm as they pull away from his face. TK then rests a hand on his cheek, and Carlos leans into it, eyes locked onto each other.

“I need to go. Call me?” Tk asks, voice flowing like butter.

“You can arrest me if I don’t, officer,” Carlos replies, voice just as soft.

TK nods as he takes a deep breath, the smile never leaving his face.

“That’s a good idea. After all, I do where you work”

From anyone else, that sentence would sound creepy and send Carlos running. But from TK it sounds like a promise he doesn’t want to lose. “Okay.”

With a final glance, TK steps back, breaking all contact they have together. Carlos misses the touch half a second after it’s gone. He moves back, grabbing his cart. He slowly steps forward, moving towards the registers. As he passes Carlos’ cart, he stops to peek into it before he turns back to him.

“Buy my dad cashew nuts and you’ll be his favourite tomorrow.”

As he moves away with a final smile thrown his way, Carlos finds that he’s much calmer than he’s ever been since he got here. Maybe overthinking about food isn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

[gowoshusoul]

Fanmade SCP: 6760; a friend in the shadows

Item #: SCP-6760

Object Class: 

Containment: Euclid Esoteric

Secondary: (No previous secondary) Thaumiel 

Disruption: Keneq Dark

Risk: Critical Notice 

Addendum-6760-3:

SCP-6760 has not shown any signs of aggression since the initial incident, when researcher ███████ unfortunately lost his life due to his own negligence. His aggression toward SCP-6760 was uncalled for and unprofessional. 

I understand the apprehension toward working with 6760, but through testing, experiments, and therapy, it has been successfully rehabilitated and shows unwavering loyalty to the Foundation. It remains hesitant to interact with any staff not associated with myself and my assistant. Caution and patience is encouraged when interacting with SCP-6760, though it has shown no aggression toward humans after the initial incident and has expressed a fascination with mankind. It’s for the best that 6760 is allowed to explore and observe Foundation staff, as knowledge of its surroundings keeps it from lashing out in its confusion. 

Many of you know, SCP-6760 was instrumental in securing site ██ after its disastrous containment breach. I’ve consulted with my colleagues and higher ups, and we came to the unanimous conclusion that 6760’s anomalous properties should be utilized in the case of future breaches.

I understand that this is a controversial decision, and I understand that 6760 could pose a threat to aggressive personnel. Think of it as a police dog: If you give him no reason to attack you, or me no reason to initiate an attack, you will not be harmed. Feel free to contact me with any concerns you feel need addressing, and we will work together to secure, contain, and protect.

- Dr. Andreas Fox

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6760 is allowed to roam the facility under the watch of Dr. Fox. The majority of the time, SCP-6760 can be found hiding in Dr. Fox’s shirt, and is allowed to be taken home with Dr. Fox since his residency had been modified into a secure site. SCP-6760 is allowed to be housed at one of two sites depending on its preference, the judgement of Dr. Fox, and Foundation discretion. 

Regardless of containment site, 6760 is to be provided with a five (5) by five (5) by two point five (2.5) meter glass enclosure. Glass is thirty (30) cm thick. SCP-6760 is to be kept in its enclosure when not being supervised. A one (1) by one (1) by one point five (1.5) meter table is to be placed in the center of both enclosures, with LED lights on for the duration of containment. 6760 is encouraged to hide from the light. When requested, 6760 is to be spoken to in a calm, non-threatening tone. Polite conversation has been shown to keep 6760 docile and happy.

In addition, different colored lights are to be utilized in SCP-6760’s containment. A description of colors and their effects will be provided below. 

Description: SCP-6760 was discovered at ████, ███ on  ██ / █ /  ████ after crashing down to Earth in the form of a meteor. Researchers initially found an empty crater that seemed to be slick with oil. Unprompted, researcher ███████ explored the creator. Upon stepping on the “oil”, it surrounded, taking a semi-humanoid form and consumed the researcher. It recoiled from high-intensity lights that were placed around the crater for observation. It lasted in this form for approximately thirty seconds before reducing itself to a quarter-sized sphere. SCP-6760 was then transported in a glass container illuminated by a flashlight to site  ██. It was later transported to site ██ when Dr. Fix showed interest in rehabilitating the item. 

SCP-6760 is an amorphous, black entity made of an unknown substance that calls itself Scorn. Staff are encouraged to call it by its preferred name, as addressing it with its item number results in negative reactions. Testing has come back inconclusive, and staff has since given up on trying to assess the item’s DNA. When put in a dark room, the item will expand to fill it and take on whatever shape it so desires. 6760 has the ability to inflict catastrophic damage on the facility, though it’s always insisted it’s “just stretching” when it expands. Though it can expand under light, the entity has expressed that it “burns too bad to move”. It spends the majority of its time under its table or with Dr. Fox, who has complete and total control over the entity. SCP-6760 has never denied a command from Dr. Fox, no matter how tedious, menial, or absurd the command is. It is capable of speaking rudimentary English, which is steadily improving with the help of Dr. Fox and his underling, ███████ █████. When given a command by Mr. █████, it hesitates and complains, but eventually obeys. These two are regarded to be the only people with complete control over 6760, though it’s been seen to obey other Foundation staff in dire circumstances. 

SCP-6760’s most common forms are:

- A vaguely humanoid shape of varying height, always measured to be over two (2) meters tall. Its features are indiscernible, though it always smiles at Foundation staff to show off its “pretty teeth”. When in a humanoid shape, the item condenses its matter to form a skeletal system. When it reverts to a simpler shape, it regurgitates its skeleton. All “bones” collected from SCP-6760 are to be collected and stored for testing. 

- An average, button down shirt. This form is most commonly taken when hiding under Dr. Fox’s shirt. If Dr. Fox removes his shirt, SCP-6760 will act as a temporary replacement, usually sticking its “head” out of the shirt pocket to communicate with Foundation staff. 

- A one eyed sphere, most commonly taken during containment when hiding under its provided table. It can be described as similar to a Beholder, a monster enemy in the tabletop game Dungeons and Dragons. 

- An amorphous blob identical to SCP-999. This form is only taken when the entities interact, though due to 999’s anomalous properties, SCP-6760 is almost always reduced to a giggling puddle. It takes approximately 15 minutes to return to its original shape on its own, and 5 minutes with Dr. Fox’s encouragement. 

Testing has shown that SCP-6760 has a wide range of reactions to different colored lights. Notable examples include:

- Sunlight causes an adverse reaction in the item, though it sustains no physical damage from being exposed to it. It’s less of a threat and more of an inconvenience to the item. 

- Any type of LED will result in the entity becoming slightly weakened. They cause the entity to struggle when taking shape. Notable LED variants are: 

Mixed: Multiple light sources of different colors will confuse and disorient the item. It reacts by hiding and crying out for Dr. Fox. Dr. Fox is the only staff member able to comfort the entity. 

Red: Any source of red light causes an intense and immediate negative reaction. The longer 6760 is exposed to red light, the more violent the entity becomes. It will do anything and everything possible to break the offending bulb, often resulting in burns that heal themselves when the entity is provided with ample shadow.

Green: Green lights energize and excite 6760. The item will act similarly to a puppy when exposed to green lights. Due to this, green lighting should be utilized when the item interacts with SCP-999.

Yellow/orange: Yellow and orange lights are mildly calming to the entity. It will still try to hide in shadows, though it has no adverse reactions to the light. Yellow and orange lights are to be used as a mild sedative, with a “high” similar to that of a low dose of Valium. It’s theorized that yellow and orange lights produce such a reaction because of 6760’s relationship with 999, but at this point in time there’s no way of knowing.

Blue: Blue LEDs cause the entity to almost instantaneously put the entity to sleep. SCP-6760 will find the nearest shady spot, fall asleep, and remain there until the light is either shut off or replaced with light of a different color. Attempts to wake the subject invariably fail.

Purple: Purple lights are SCP-6760’s favorite. The item has expressed that these lights are the gentlest on his skin. It frequently requests purple lighting at night, as it better helps the entity relax without outright sedating it.

Addendum-6760-1:

The following is an interview conducted by Dr. Fox after months of containment and speech therapy. It should be noted that SCP-6760 was not able to be understood and Dr. Fox provided a transcription once the interview concluded.

Interviewer: Dr. Andreas Fox, site ██

Interviewee: SCP-6760

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Fox: Scorn, I understand that you’re ready to talk about your retrieval?

SCP-6760: I don’t want to.

Dr. Fox: But will you? 

SCP-6760: [Item bows its head.]

Dr. Fox: You realize you killed a man, don’t you?

SCP-6760: [Item nods.]

Dr. Fox: Can I ask why you would do such a thing?

SCP-6760: [Item bears its teeth.] He stepped on me.

Dr. Fox: He hurt you?

SCP-6760: Ground his heel into me. Called me disgusting.

Dr. Fox: Did you know what that word meant at the time?

SCP-6760: No, but I understood his voice. I heard the hate. I feeled it under his foot.

Dr. Fox: The correct word is felt.

SCP-6760: [Item grumbles indecipherably.]

Dr. Fox: Apologies. I understand you’re still learning. [Dr. Fox consults his clipboard.] You could feel that he was disgusted with you. That’s what motivated you to kill him?

SCP-6760: Yes.

Dr. Fox: What would you do if that happened again? Would you kill another person for insulting you?

SCP-6760: [Item pauses for thirty seconds.] No.

Dr. Fox: Why not?

SCP-6760: You would be mad. Or sad. You would shine lights on me.

Dr. Fox: [He makes note of this.] What if there were no lights? If there would be no consequences, would you attack someone?

SCP-6760: No. You would be sad or mad.

Dr. Fox: I would be, but I’m glad to hear you won’t do it again. 

SCP-6760: I want to go home.

Dr. Fox: Back to your chamber?

SCP-6760: [Subject nods.] With the pretty lights.

Dr. Fox: Does that mean you’re done talking to me for the day?

SCP-6760: [Subject nods.]

Dr. Fox: I just have one more question. Do you feel remorse for what you did? Do you understand that word?

SCP-6760: [Subject refuses to move or speak.]

Dr. Fox: Alright, Scorn. I can escort you back to your chamber now.

Addendum-6760-2:

During the security breach at site ██, during which multiple euclid and keter items escaped their chambers, SCP-6760 was found scouring the halls and “absorbing” any and all personnel it found. No personnel retrieved by SCP-6760 were hurt in any way by the item. It proceeded to gather as many staff members it could find, including D-Class, and took them outside. It found a MTF vehicle to hide under until Dr. Fox requested its help. They reentered the facility, escorted by a MTF team, and SCP-6760 was able to neutralize multiple items. Items include: SCPs 173, 049, 372, 682, and multiple instances of 939. It attempted to apprehend SCP-096, but was ultimately unsuccessful. 

[bigbangclappin]

Gaslight

Word count: 1.5

Genre: Smut, semi-angst, bikerau!

Pairing: ReaderXJohnny

Warnings: cursing, oral female receiving, hints of criminal activity.

Summary: This is a continuation of Welcome Home. 

The party was beautiful and everything was going well. Nobody was thinking about the past. They were here for a good time and good friends.

Johnny’s arm was nestled around your waist as you spoke to one of the member’s old lady. He hadn’t been able to separate himself from you since he came home. If you left the room he went with you, if you scooted over on the couch he moved too. 

You didn’t mind because you missed him too. When the other woman excused herself you found your fiancé staring at you with what could only be explained as manly heart eyes.

Fingers locked with his you chuckled, “What is it?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “You’re just so beautiful and I can’t believe that you’re mine.”

You leaned into his side and met his lips tenderly, “I love you too.”

He played with your hair idly as more and more members came to chat with him, booze flowing and weed burning it was shaping up to be a good time. 

You felt Johnny’s phone vibrate in his pocket. The way he moved the burner phone away from you pissed you off. Who would be texting him that wasn’t here at the party? A ‘business associate’ he didn’t want you to know about more than likely. You didn’t take too kindly to the feeling of suspicion. It made it worse when your man whistled and Yuta gave him a nod.

“Tell me you are not—”

“(Y/n) don’t.” He didn’t snap nor did he raise his voice but the firm tone he gave you made you angry. Somethings just never change. You yanked your hand from his out of frustration.

“You promised me.” You ground out through clenched teeth.

He squeezed your thigh tightly in warning his eyes filled with authority that you lived to question, “Drop it baby.” 

Glaring at him in anger you yanked his arm off of you and stood until you heard your man tsk in annoyance at your reaction. You didn’t know what he expected from you when he was so blatantly breaking his promise to you.

“Where are you going?” Johnny called as you headed for your shared bedroom. You just gave him the finger and slammed your door shut.

He would not make a fool of you in front of the entire club and their significant others. You were the president’s old lady. It was your job to stay aloof in situations like these. Never could you ever compromise Johnny’s authority in front of the others. Even if that meant sacrificing your dignity to keep his in check. 

Behind closed doors though now that was a different story. You pushed each other to your limits physically and mentally. Two type A personalities were sure to clash and when they’re lovers? It’s explosive.

You both were stubborn idiots when you were mad. A little violent at that too. Many times you’ve had to be separated by Jaehyun or Taeyong because you had resorted to either throwing things at him or you started beating on his chest. 

Throwing yourself down on the bed you flicked on the television completely over your fiancé and his constant bullshit already. 

“Babe come on do you have to do this right now? With the entire club out there?” 

Johnny asked you bursting through your door a hint of annoyance in his voice and his posture rigid as he slammed the door behind him. 

Glaring at him in annoyance you continued to ignore him; he sighed in irritation. Running a hand over his face.

“Are you really going to act like this?” He snapped when you continued to ice him out.

Arms crossed over your chest and your attention glued to the TV you heard Johnny sigh. Then you felt the bed dip and his soothing touch caressing the soft flesh of your ankle.

“Babygirl—” you cut him off by pushing your foot into his chest.

“I don’t want you touching me.”

He let out a chuckle with a hint of annoyance, “(Y/N) I haven’t been able to touch you when I please for the past two years are you really going to deny me?”

If your stomach could turn to molten lava in anger you were pretty sure now would be the time. Punkass put you through hell because of his choices not yours and he was really going to play that card? 

“Denied.” You replied deadpanned when he went to stroke your leg again, “Just like I was when you were locked up. Like I’m going to be when you end up behind bars again because your dumbass is being reckless.”

“Watch it,” he growled, grabbing your leg pulling you towards his lips and placing warm kisses on your calf. 

“Johnny this isn’t something you can kiss away.” You protested doing your best to resist his tenderness.

“I know but it definitely takes the sting away.”

You rolled your eyes but you were finding it hard to resist as his kisses began to travel upwards. He was turning you on and he knew it by his smug smirk.

“Come on baby let me say sorry for leaving you alone…” He mumbled against your thighs.

Him looking at you with that stunning smile paired with being between your legs, your panties were ruined as was your resolve but the urge to tease him? Oh no that was strong and urgent.

You clamped your thighs together; in effect Johnny had to back off and he gave you a bewildered look. You shrugged your shoulders.

“J I don’t want to hurt your feelings but you’re so rusty that my vibrator gets me off quicker than your tongue.”

The chord you struck within his manly pride you swear caused a vein to bulge on the side of his neck. Was it harsh? Of course it was but so was abandoning you for two years.

“You weren’t saying that last night—”

You shrugged your shoulders, “Babe I faked it.”

“The fuck You did.” He snorted indignantly, “You can’t fake squirting.”

Your cheeks blushed crimson then. You did squirt but you chalked that up to two years of quickies and no head. Deprive a girl long enough and it’s bound to happen.

Johnny noticed your silence and took it as a victory as he slithered between your legs again pushing your dress further up your thighs.

“Just let me have my dessert yeah?”

God none of your ex’s ever got excited to eat you out the way your fiancé did. None of them made you squirm for them the way Johnny could.

“Hips up.” He commanded his fingers in the waistband of your thong. His hand slapping your ass cheek when you didn’t obey quick enough. He took hold your thighs in his strong arms and pulled you down just enough so that you could feel his breath hot on your pussy.

You whimpered when he teased you with his finger; lightly running his longest digit through the slick of your folds. Bucking your hips toward him you heard him chuckle.

“Baby don’t be a tease.”

“You gonna forgive me if I fuck you with my mouth?”

 You’d let him join the circus at that point. Anything he wanted was his as long as he used his tongue on you.

“Yes.”

“Yes what?” He asked again, his finger just barely slipping inside you.

“I’ll forgive you.”

“That’s my Babygirl.”

If heaven was real it was Johnny’s freaking tongue. God the way he sucked on your clit just right to have your back arching and your toe’s curling was God’s work.

Your hands reached down to grasp his hair, tugging when his tongue dipped inside your cunt. Your head killed back on to the pillow as you cursed.

“Fuck Youngho!” You cried out when he began to fuck you with his fingers. Spurned on by the use of his birth name. His tongue, swirling, sucking, and loving on your swollen clit. 

“Tell me how much you missed me baby and I’ll make you cum…” his deep voice sending vibrations to your very core.

“Missed you so much God I missed you,” you huffed out running your hands through his hair just to keep hold of your sanity. “Oh God Youngho right there, please, please don’t stop.”

He hummed against your folds that perfect sound sent you tumbling over the edge. Your orgasm was intense as you shook, Johnny lapped at your pussy until you pushed him away because of how sensitive you were.

When your fiancé came up from between your thighs he planted a fiery kiss on your lips. You were able to taste yourself and lord it lit you up.

“Once you get the feeling back in your legs come join the party. I have an announcement to make.”

Johnny called as he dipped in to the bathroom no doubt to wash your orgasm from his face.

You were curious but also ticked at the same time because he was able to distract you from what you really wanted to know.

Next time you wouldn’t give in. You’d get the information you wanted. No amount of his tongue technology would prevent you from your goal.

[local80smotel]

Midnight wind

pairing; V x air bending! Reader

summary; Y/N gains powers and after escaping Larkhill wants to get revenge

requested by; @scatter-mind001

rating; T

warnings; heavy mention of guard-on-prisoner abuse

word count; 2,311

A/N; I'm actually thinking of making a part two of this but I'm actually very satisfied with it! Thank you for the request!

Y/N remembered the night they were stolen from their normal daily life and how much terror pulsed through their body. The reason? Y/N's family were proud Irishmen and refused to hide that fact from anyone. They went as far as to hang the Irish flag outside their home instead of the Norsefire flag which they were commanded to do so. It became an inside joke of the neighborhood on how long it would take for the L/N family to be removed.

Some even betted money. Unsurprisingly it happened around seven months into high Chancellor Sutler's term that the raid happened. Y/N thought they would be spared as they broke down their bedroom door around 1:34 AM. Sadly they were wrong as they were 17 and was seen as being "too old" to be sent to a reclamation camp. Y/N was sent to Larkhill while their parents were sent to two different camps.

This fact was the thing that caused the kid to wail almost every hour of the day when they were forced to stay in their cell. Oh, what would they say to their parents instead of blaming them for this. They should have known they would do something as heartless as break a family up. Larkhill was, to put it shortly and simply, was living hell. The only time Y/N got human interaction was when they were getting experimented on and even then the scientists were anything but kind.

What messed with Y/N's head the most was the lack of clocks or calendars in the camp. Seconds seemed to turn into hours as they would just lay on the concrete floor and stare at the ceiling. The only thing that kept their spirits high was one of the fellow prisoners at Larkhill. The first time they talked was when snow started to stick to the corpse ridden ground. He was quiet and had issues with mumbling and when asked what his name was, he became silent for a few moments only for him to reply with an “I can't remember”.

The two of them decided to give him the name of V as it was the roman numeral for five, his room number. Y/N never knew why but V was the one that the prison guards would abuse when they would become enraged at something. Maybe it was because he didn't try to fight back as other prisoners did. When asked by Y/N why he wouldn't stand up for himself he told her “What's the point?”. V especially enjoyed hearing about the gunpowder plot of 1605 and started to idolize Guy Fawks, the man who had planned the explosion. They couldn't help but giggle when V would ask so many questions like a knowledge-hungry child.

The experiments Y/N experienced was... Something. A theory the scientists had was that an increase in air and maybe using the old-time favorite, electric shock therapy, would bring answers and results. When it came to the air theory, many of their "guinea pigs" had already died as they had been injected with 2.7 mL of air which killed them almost immediately. But somehow, after the now 18-year-old had their brain almost fried, survived and only passed out after the 1.5 mL mark.

When they woke up their food, or better yet described as slop, was harshly thrown into their room.

Y/N feeling nauseous, tried to push away the plate even though it was five feet away from them. To their astonishment, it moved and banged loudly against the thick metal door which left a dent in it. The now curious Y/N would test this new power by "playing" with the local camp rats. When they'd come into their room to eat their food, they flick a wisp of air which would hit them like a whip. As a result, the poor creature would run away squeaking in pain but luckily not bleeding.

What's ironic was both the rat and Y/N were somewhat the same as both were hungry, alone, and puzzled on this new ability. They had never used this power on the workers until they had practiced for three months. At this point in time, they knew how to control how much power they let out and what they would call an "air-blast" which was a shot a compressed spurt of air from their hands. It was hard to practice as they were being restricted in an 8ft by 8ft cell.

When Y/N attacked the scientists it was initially an accident. What caused this? They tried to eject more air into them as almost all of the scientists that worked for the camp were perplexed on how they were still alive. Once 0.5 mL of air was pushed into them, poor Y/N was sent into a panicked state as they could feel their heart starting to skip beats. They were able to strike two of the five people in the room until they were restrained and subdued.

After that, they were moved from room #4 to one of the more secure rooms. With this happening V was under the impression that Y/N had been executed or died that day. V was sent into a blind rage and well, you can guess what happened next. Around midnight, a few weeks after their move to room #12, explosions woke them from their deep slumber. When they awoke they expected to see complete darkness but were entirely wrong.

The fire was everywhere, making it hard for the know coughing inmate to focus on what was happening. Once they were able to get up they immediately looked for shoes. Sure, it sounds selfish at first but they were looking for shoes not so they could run away but so they could look for their only friend, the man in room #5. Sadly, when they heard a loud scream- no, it was more of a roar, they were under the belief that the fire had devoured him. Y/N couldn't help but fall to the ground which was covered in rubble to sob.

This wasn't fair. This place had taken everything from him; his memories, his name, his humanity, and now it had taken his life. The rest of the night was a blur as they tried to travel back to London. This took weeks as the adult was too exhausted to stay up for more than 8 hours as their sleep schedule, just like their will to live, had been completely destroyed by Larkhill. When they finally got to London it was pitch black.

Their heart stung as they walked the brick sidewalk. Their heart was breaking because V and them had talked about this back when they were still cell neighbors. They were so hopeful that they'd get to walk down the streets together once they were free. Y/N was lucky enough to find an abandoned matchbox factory. They decided to stay in the basement of the burned down building as it would be the safest choice when it came to being seen.

Slowly, over the next four years, they fixed up their new lair. They got working electricity and indoor plumbing after trying hundreds of times. The escapee finally got a television after trash diving and finding a still working 70s one. The first channel they watched was "The voice of London" as they heard through the grapevine that it was a news channel. Y/N went to channel 012 and once they saw the News host, their excitement left their body.

It, it was him. Lewis Prothero, the man who would frequently abuse the prisoners of Larkhill. Just seeing him made their blood start to boil. They instantly got off of their makeshift couch, walking back and forth as they mumbled under their breath. They could have sworn they saw Lewis' dead body that night of the fire. This simply wasn't fair.

For the next few weeks, they began to plan, gradually gathering information on where Lewis was living now. The night they finally got his extract location, they were overwhelmed with joy. Y/N grabbed their jacket, as winter was finally rolling around so the winds would nip at them, and left the bunker.

They took flight, fury making it seem like they were moving two times as faster as they should be. Y/N had learned this new ability when they lost all earthly ties after V died. Sure, flying still freaked them out but it was the fastest and safest way. When they slowly approached the building, they prepared for what they would have to do next, which was break the giant window to get inside. They took a deep breath in and air hit and kicked the window in rapid succession, shattering it after just a few hits.

Rolling inside and brushing off pieces of glass, Y/N proceeded to walk in the direction of the home's bathroom as they heard the water running. When they opened the door the first thing that drew their eye was a black mass.

“Lew-” they began their speech they had been writing and tweaking over the last weeks but stopped midway through the first word when the mass turned to them. This wasn't Lewis, this was a random masked person. Before they could ask where their victim was, the man stepped out of the way to reveal the lifeless body on the floor which had a single rose on his chest.

Anger filled them as they looked back up at the masked man. Y/N was supposed to get revenge for their long-dead friend. They RUINED this moment. How was Y/N supposed to help V heal in his grave?

“You!” they screamed as they swiped the air, turning their swipes into blades. “How dare you?! You have no clue what he did!” the man was pushed back by the amount of force the wind carried in it

“Wait let me explain!” the Guy Fawks mask-wearing murderer shouted as they fell to the ground with a knee on the floor to keep them up.

“You weren't there! You weren't mistreated!”

“No Y/-”

Using their oldest power, the air blast, tears were already seeping down their face which was twisted in what seemed to be never-ending pain. The blast hit them directly in the face as they groaned out in pain and finally fell the floor, making a loud thud as their skull hit the marble floor. Y/N strolled over to the body to finish them off so they could get some kind of revenge, only to stop with their body now feeling numb. Their mask, now cracked and was flung off of his face and now somewhere else on the floor with his hat.

“You-” their breathing became shallow as they dropped to the floor with them. “You asshole!” Y/N grabbed the collar of his cap, once again crying but now more violently. “I thought you died- you left me! You left me to suffer alone!” they laid their head on their chest as they continued to sob. V just had to lay there as their close friend cried over them. His skin felt like it was burning as the bathroom's overhead light was beating down on him. He couldn't help but start to cry too. V never wanted to leave them, he was under the impression Y/N has already died. That impression was the reason why he exploded Larkhill.

“I tried looking for you-”

“Well, you didn't try hard enough then!”

There was a moment of silence as the two friends wept next to the freshly dead body of their abuser. V moved them into a hug as he sat upright, rocking them gently as he did so.

“Stop-” they hiccuped “treating me like a baby”

“But that's the only way you'll calm down. You told me this yourself Y/N.”

They rubbed their eyes as they looked up at the severely burnt man. His skin looked inflamed from his crying. They tried to reach up and touch him but he jerked his head back the second their hand went up.

“How did you survive?”

“I can ask you the same thing.”

Y/N rolled their eyes at his reply. Typical V behavior, they thought to themselves. They stayed this way for a few more moments until the realization of where they were set in.

“Welp, we must be going now, police will come any second. We'll be executed if we're found here.” V sprang up, walking over to his mask and hat and quickly put them back where they belonged. Y/N followed suit, already walking out of the bathroom and to the window they had broken to get inside.

“Where are you going?” V asked as the night wind went through his hair

“Home?” they answered back, hoping that they could still fly now that they knew V was alive.

“But that's the completely wrong way.” they looked over at him, confusion on their face as they opened their mouth to speak before V interrupted them, oh how V had a horrible habit of that.

“You're coming home with me. I'm not letting my dear friend live on the street or in some broken-down building.” he held out his hand to them. Y/N could feel V smirking under his cracked mask and rolling their eyes gave them their hand.

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Hello! I would like to request, if you're okay with this, some general relationship HC with Nishinoya (i'm sorry if this isnt specific at all) I love this lil' guy he makes me so soft uwu 💕 also i just found your blog and i like it a lot! I look forward for your future posts!! :D

A?N THANK YOU SO MUCH THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!! There are parts of this that I’ve said before but I feel like they are so on brand with the little ball of fluff that I had to include them again

This is like 1.5 k ish so please enjoy

Noya is amazing at appreciating a gorgeous girl

He is not afraid to go up to them and tell them that they are the prettiest thing that he has ever seen and be a total simp 

But when he sees you he freezes, you’re gorgeous, like actually the most gorgeous person he’s seen in his entire life

He can’t make himself go up and talk to you but he also can’t make himself look away

It took a few days and a lot of pep talks before he would even go talk to you 

When he finally did he was so relieved that you were nice and that your conversation good

He kept talking to you everyday for a few weeks before actually asking you on a date

He was so nervous that he almost cancelled because he wanted it to be perfect and he wasn’t sure if it was going to be and he didn’t want to embarrass himself

After the first date he was whipped

You went on several more dates before he asked you to be his girlfriend 

From there on out he was completely awestruck with everything you do 

He holds your bag for you and walks you to and from school whenever he can

Was really nervous his friends would say inappropriate things or embarrass him so it took a while before he introduced you to them 

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t talk about you to them all the time

“She’s just so gorgeous I don’t understand it”

“She made me cookies, COOKIES guys like she’s just so sweet” 

But when he did he made sure to introduce you to Asahi first

“Asahi, this is my girlfriend Y/N, Y/N this is my friend Asahi” he is trying to be really formal with it because he wants Asahi to see that he is actually serious 

“Nice to meet you!” 

“You too” 

You and Asahi actually start a conversation and that is way better than he could have ever thought so he decides to just go ahead and introduce you to the rest of the team

He does it when the team goes out to dinner and a couple of the others bring their girlfriends so he brought you 

“Guys this is my girl Y/N, she’s the best” 

They all smile and introduce themselves back and you end up talking with a lot of them throughout dinner 

He gets distracted thinking about you all the time

Will think about you during practice and completely miss balls because he is thinking of ways to surprise you and new ideas for dates

He tries to take you out to a real date at least every other week because you are so busy but the two of you hangout all the time

When you are at his house you both play mario kart and he is super good from years of playing and is not afraid to beat you over and over again

Every time he wins he demands kisses and not just one he tackles you and kisses all over your face

When you’re at your house you always make him study for at least a little bit before you both watch a movie or bake together 

It’s more like you are baking and he is trying all of the batter and telling you how pretty you are 

Noya cannot seem to compliment you enough 

He is constantly reminding you that you are his world and that he is so happy with you and just makes you feel special all the time

He is interested in everything you are, he wants to learn it all because it makes him closer to you 

He cannot believe it when you told him that you wanted to come watch him play

He was so nervous that he was using the bathroom more than Hinata

All he wanted was for you to be impressed by him 

After his first receive when he hears you cheering for him he is determined to hear you cheer for him again and again and doesn’t miss

He also gave you his old jacket to wear to the game (because Daichi said that he actually needed his one for this year so that they can all match) 

Literally almost passes out seeing you in it like he is so happy and feels so loved seeing you in his jacket

Your first kiss actually happened after the first game you came and watched 

They won and he was so pumped up that he pulled you into a sweet kiss and thanked you for coming to see him

The rest of the team tells you to come to all of the games because Noya’s receives saved them so many times in that game and he was playing way better than you ever had

Also dating him you are now best friends with Tanaka, he is going to tag along on dates and stuff because Noya cannot forget his homie 

You and Tanaka will end up being really good friends and you sometimes team up on Noya when playing games and stuff 

He is bad at remembering dates and things because they just slip his mind so he ends up putting everything important on the calendar on his phone 

But he puts everything down 

“Babe today is the day we had our first kiss” 

“We went to get ice cream today last month, we should go again” 

He doesn’t want to forget anything that happens with you 

He will literally take pictures of the two of you on every date 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again he is your personal photographer 

He will take pictures of you when you aren’t looking because he wants to capture your beauty

If he wants pictures of the two of you that aren’t selfies he has Tanaka take them 

And Tanaka gets all of the angles for the two of you and will absolutely make you look amazing because he is an a amazing hype man and an amazing friend

Noya cannot get over you in his clothes like he would have you only wear his shirt because he’s a little possessive and wants everyone to know that you are his and his only 

The first time you see him with his hair down if you aren’t encouraging him and telling him it’s cute he’s going to never let you see it down again

He gets insecure about it because his hair gives him so much height ahd he says it looks like a dead bird down 

But if you kiss him and tell him he looks so good with it down and boost his ego about it you get to see it down all the time and you get to run your fingers through his hair and play with it 

Definitely keeps a hand on you at all times because he is not about to have someone come up and talk to you he will not allow it  

Loves to show you off though and if he catches boys looking will put them in their place

“Look away, she’s taken by someone who actually knows how to please a woman”

You also get to see the calm soft side of Noya that other people are sure doesn’t exist

He likes to lay his head in your lap and just talk to you all the time and will hug you from behind and give you slow and calm kisses 

Loves pulling you to his chest and just kissing the top of your head like he cannot get enough of it 

Will do anything to keep you from being upset

If you had a bad day he is telling you to go sit down and relax and sometimes has a bath drawn for you already so you can go soak while he makes dinner for you 

(Awful baker amazing chef) 

He then gives you lots of kisses and soft affection 

Tells you all of his funny stories to try and make you smile 

No matter what always tells you that he loves you and that you better have the best dreams before bed, doesn’t matter if he has to text it to you on a break he has to 

If you do have nightmares will pull you close to him and reassure you that everything is okay and that if the beasts come back he is going to beat them up for you 

Has really smelly feet that you make him leave his shoes outside and he never once argues with you on that, but he did try and chase you with one of his stinky shoes once and you refused to kiss him for a few days after that and he will never do it again