#i did a bit of my own art therapy so i feel a bit better

[2aceofspades]

*pat pat* it'll be okay ace, people are like that and it's really disturbing but to make you feel better try drinking some hot coco that's at just the right temperature I suggest using milk for the hot coco so it tastes better then putting an ice cube instead. Go watch a comfort show or just take a break and relax.

Have a good day/night Ace!

At the end of the day, it was supposed to be lighthearted and funny, I guess. That's never what I viewed as 'funny' though. The fact that it was regarding a character that I care about so deeply really got to me. I was upset and I think part of it was that it was a bit unexpected.

The other part of it was (and I'm sure someone out there can relate), but feeling uncomfortable emotions...like...physically can be overwhelming and intense and just too much. I did what I could to respond without too much of that emotion, but I couldn't act like it didn't bother me or that I would be okay with something like that in the future.

I appreciate your kind words though, really. I took good care of myself but I still have much to learn, of course. I am well and it'll be alright.

[cutielights]

Hey pookie!! I luv ur work sm and I was wondering if u could do a rottmnt boys x spider woman reader ab them reacting to her stopping a collider like miles did? Idek if u watched into the spider verse but maybe something like that if not u could wing it if you'd like tysm hope u have a good day/night! ❤️

>>:] yes. For the purposes of writing, im going to act as if you were a spider person for at least a year before this. Not supposed to be Miles’ story, but pretty similar (if that makes sense)

i waNT THE THIRD MOVIE. Frikin dying of miles morales deprivation over here, hand over the sunflower boy with in tact parents

@moonchhu THE OTHER SPIDER PERSON ONE TAG LIST

That Really Big Earthquake

LEO

“Heyyyy, I haven’t seen you in twenty four hours which truly is a record for us, I missed you, did you miss me? I bet you did right? Go on tell me aaaalllll about it.”

“So, I was just kinda minding my own business, y’know, thwipping and thwapping and going about being an awesome hero when I bumped into myself? Kinda. They looked like me, but they were different, and didn’t look like me, but, I knew they were me! Because my spider sense went off and they could do stuff I could do, but also some different stuff! And then we freaked out for a little bit before I went to auntie May to show her and she showed me four more other me’s who were hiding out in her basement and then we tried getting them home and we had to sneak about in this fancy restaurant wearing bow ties, and we cried and they went into this collider thing, also it turns out my favourite cousin was working for the evil genius corporation and he’s dead now and it feels like my fault, I’m so totally fine don’t worry about me. Howwasyourday?”

“Haha, what.”

“Stopped the collapsing of the multiverse.”

“Oh it sounds so simple when you put it like that.” Yeah okay sarcasm queen

Made you some tea after that, let’s just, take a breath for a minute, m’kay?

He has decided it’s a self care day now, at least he did after thoroughly checking you for injuries

How you do not have a concussion will always escape him, not one broken bone? Seriously? After all that?

Please remind him you’re an actual super hero and not a pane of glass

“Wait what was that about your cousin?”

RAPH

“Hey! How was your weekend?”

“Crazier than yours.”

“Okay, Bet.”

One explanation later sponge bob narrator voice

“Wait, so you’re telling Raph, that huge earthquake that happened, happened because of you and five alternate versions of yourself?

“That’s excluding a lot of things I just told you but, I am telling Raph that, yes.”

Huge bone crushing hugs are in order, according to him at least. And I mean, is he wrong?

Not letting you out of his sight for ages, please, Raph, let them go home

“Why are you so worried? I did it, I won!”

“It’s more the fact that it happened and less the fact that you’re mostly fine.”

DONNIE

Othello Von Ryan: Stay home, S.H.E.L.LD.O.N has picked up on some strange (possibly universal fabric destroying) activity. Also there has been some earthquake activity in the area you were in yesterday, not that I have a tracker on you. Because I don’t.

Only Two Legs: I handled it don’t worry :D

Othello Von Ryan: ?

Othello Von Ryan: Traverse to My Lab.

“Heyyy Deee.”

“Stop. Explain. This better be your attempt at humor.”

There was silence for a long while after you had messily glued together words to describe the past 24 hours, before he took a deep breath.

“First, How dare you stop the multiverse from collapsing without me that’s incredible rude. Second, therapy. Third, that earthquake and power surge destroyed My Lab, thankfully I have backup backups to my backups, but I couldn’t use the internet for an hour straight.”

“Y- You’re more concerned about the internet?”

“Not what I said. Now let me check you for a concussion.”

MIKEY

“Hey they took down those art displays.”

“The what?”

“Oh you weren’t here, BUT there was these reaaaallllyyyyy cool art statues along this street! Look, hey, look, I took pics!”

“Oh cooollluuuhhh that’s not an art display that’s five different fire hydrants merged into each other.”

“Haha yeah it does kinda look like that doesn’t it? I thought it was supposed to be a dog.”

“Mikey, no-“ You pulled him aside into an empty alleyway, trying to explain what had happened over the past twenty four hours.

It was an interesting experience, but you got there eventually.

Best believe this boy is giving you the biggest hug ever, and then buying pizza.

Oh, and Dr Feelings is going to be paying you a visit. Multiple. You can’t escape him.

“So they weren’t art displays?”

Speedily bulk writing and scheduling rn bc im going on a holiday with zero internet.

[perfectsunlight]

𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 [𝟏𝟑]

𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: NONEEEEE WE CHEERED.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.3k

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲

sm entertainment officially announced ningning’s hiatus one month after her arrival at the rehab center.

they said she was taking time for herself in order to focus on her health and wellbeing. most people had no idea where she had gone. 

dispatch had no sightings of her for weeks. they did not even know when she was at the hospital either, to which everyone was thankful for. the company was shocked to know that the chinese idol was willing to get sent to rehab. 

however, despite the initial shock, they offered to pay for all the expenses and also said she could take all the time she needed in order to get better. 

the truth is bulletproof, there's no fooling you

i don't dress the same

yizhuo needed to be away from the city. she needed to be somewhere where she could find who she truly was. geoje was where the company decided to send her. it was a 4 hour drive from seoul, making it just far enough for her to get away, but also close enough for people to come visit. the city was right off the coast of busan, situated on an island connected to the mainland via bridges.

she would hate to admit it, but part of her never wanted to leave geoje. it was beautiful, and she felt like she could be herself within the sanctuary of the rehab center. it was a bit difficult at first, opening up to complete strangers about her issues, but she was willing to try her best.

that was all anyone expected of her here — to just try her best.

she had never had that environment. it felt nice to have such a change. it felt right. 

me and who you say i was yesterday

have gone our separate ways

most of the people who arrived at the center were older than she was, meaning they had no idea who she was. there was an older woman who worked as an instructor for an art class that the facility offered, and whenever ning would go in and draw, she would sing.

she had told yizhuo that she should become a singer when she gets out because her voice was outstanding. all the chinese girl could do was smile and laugh a little.

it was ironic for her. she used to love being known by everyone as “ningning from aespa”, but here she loved being unknown. when she arrived, she said she was an international student studying korean language at yonsei. 

it was a believable cover story, and no one questioned it. the anonymity was a relief. she could walk around without the weight of her idol identity. 

there were no fans to impress, no expectations to meet, no cameras capturing her every move. 

she could just be yizhuo, a young woman finding her way back to herself. 

left my living fast somewhere in the past

'cause that's for chasing cars

days at the center had a gentle rhythm. mornings began with a communal breakfast, where she’d chat with the other residents, exchanging stories of their pasts and dreams for the future. after breakfast, there were various therapy sessions. she found solace in group therapy, where she realized she wasn’t alone in her struggles. the stories she heard, though different from her own, were a reminder that everyone had their battles. in the afternoons, she often joined the art class. 

the instructor, mrs. lee was her name, was a kind-hearted woman in her sixties, with a voice that was both soothing and encouraging. she felt more of a mother to yizhuo than her own had. her words of praise and encouragement made ning feel seen, not as an idol, but as a person with potential beyond her public persona. 

it was different to have someone so maternal, but she thoroughly felt better. whenever it felt difficult to open up, she would talk to mrs. lee. she had a way of listening that made yizhuo feel understood, without judgment or pity. the idol realized all she ever needed was someone who wouldn’t pity her.

turns out open bars lead to broken hearts

and going way too far

the two became closer when the older woman found her crying after her first few sessions of therapy with the facility’s psychiatrist. mrs. lee never asked any questions, and simply just embraced the younger girl in a tight hug until yizhuo’s tears stopped. from that day forward, ning went to mrs. lee for everything.

“you're stronger than you think,” mrs. lee would often say, her aged eyes filled with kindness. “you’ve done well. only you can be the best version of yourself, for yourself.” these words resonated deeply with the young idol. she began to see her journey not as a series of failures, but as a testament to her resilience.

she was ning yizhuo, a girl who did the best she could. and that was all she could ever want to be.

take one, pour it out

it's not worth crying 'bout the things you can't erase

on days when she felt particularly overwhelmed, yizhuo would take long walks along the coast. the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks was therapeutic. ning had never been a fan of beaches (mostly because of the sand), but upon arriving in geoje, she fell in love with them.

at first, she would just walk to the steps that led down to the sand but not descend. she’d only lean against the railing and watch the water from above, not wanting to touch the sand. the rhythmic ebb and flow of the tides calmed her, the vastness of the ocean making her own problems seem smaller, more manageable. 

like tattoos and regrets

words i never meant and ones that got away

but as days turned into weeks, she found herself longing to be closer to the water. one morning, she took a deep breath and made her way down the steps. she hesitated at the bottom, toes just inches away from the sand. 

with a determined sigh, she stepped onto the beach, feeling the grainy texture beneath her feet. the initial discomfort faded as she walked along the shore, the cool water lapping at her ankles. it became a ritual for her—each day, she’d venture a little further, letting the sand and sea become her sanctuary. 

she began to see the beach not just as a place, but as a metaphor for her own journey—constantly changing, yet always moving forward.

left my living fast somewhere in the past

and took another road

the young woman found herself collecting different things from each trip to the shore. on some days it was a small rock, and others it was other things.

she often collected seashells to save them for you. they were like little pieces of happiness for her, just like you were.

sometimes, she’d even sit on a large rock by the water’s edge, watching the waves crash and retreat. one of the gifts you had given her before she left was a digital camera. without missing an evening, ning took photos of every sunset. 

it reminded her of you, after all. it was only fair of her to show you.

the beach was quiet. ningning hated the quiet before. now, she loved it.

quiet meant she could breathe. she had control of her thoughts and emotions. she no longer let her mind bully her.

turns out crowded rooms empty out as soon

there's somewhere else to go, oh

visitors were allowed to come once a week, meaning most of the time, her members all came to visit her together. of course, she didn’t have a visitor every week, but sm made sure to keep these visits out of the public’s prying eyes when you or her members did come and visit. 

karina usually brought her new stationary, minjeong brought snacks, and aeri would bring her new sd cards for her camera or clothes for the seasonal changes. although ning was away from everyone she knew, she never truly felt lonely.

she had made peace with her isolation. however, the only person she constantly missed was you. 

she’d never thought of ever writing a letter, but she was over the moon when she saw you had written her one a few weeks after she was sent to the facility. mrs. lee teased yizhuo by saying she’d never seen her really smile until she saw her reading the letter. ningning missed you more than she could understand. 

it wasn’t a bad feeling of longing either, but rather a feeling of curiosity for what you were doing at the moment. before she had left seoul, you had mentioned to yizhuo that you had broken up with aeri the night she was hospitalized. 

ningning didn’t need to ask any questions about it, she knew why it happened. you cared about ning. more than anyone else, or anything else. 

and she cared about you, too. more than anyone else, or anything.

i know i used to be crazy

messed up, but, god, was it fun

after being in rehab for 6 months, ningning was finally comfortable enough to return to seoul. 

on her last day there, mrs. lee had brought her a gift. it was a beautifully wrapped box with a note attached to it. the note read, “for the journey ahead. with love, mrs. lee.” ning carefully unwrapped the box, revealing a set of watercolor paints in a case with her initials on it.

mrs. lee smiled warmly. “i thought you might want to continue expressing yourself through art. remember, these are tools for your journey, just as much as your voice is.” tears welled up in yizhuo’s eyes as she hugged the older woman tightly. 

mrs. lee must have known who she really was. the idol decided not to question it.

“thank you for everything,” she whispered. “i’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.” mrs. lee simply patted her back gently. “go out there and show the world who you have always been. and never forget, you’re always welcome back here if you need to escape.”

i know i used to be wild

that's 'cause i used to be young

the facility threw the young idol a send off ceremony the day before she was leaving. there were games and delicious food, and even karaoke. naturally, yizhuo stole the show with her voice. mrs. lee had been taking photos and videos for the chinese girl on the camera you got her. even though rehab was tough, ning didn’t ever want to forget her time here. 

“i’ve learned a lot here. thank you all for helping me remember who i truly am.” yizhuo said with a warm smile as she bowed, concluding her parting speech.

the applause that followed was heartfelt, and ningning felt a sense of closure and gratitude. the friends she had made and the experiences she had shared in geoje were now a part of her story, a chapter she would cherish forever. 

as the evening wound down, yizhuo mingled with the staff and residents, sharing hugs and promises to keep in touch. later that night, she found herself back at the beach for one last walk. the moonlight danced on the waves, creating a serene scene. she took out the camera and captured a few final shots, wanting to hold on to this moment forever.

with a deep breath, she whispered a goodbye to the ocean, feeling a sense of peace wash over her. she was ready to move forward, but she would always carry a piece of this place with her. 

those wasted nights are not wasted

i remember every one

sm entertainment had expressed their excitement in regards to yizhuo feeling well enough to return to seoul. she was a bit nervous for facing the public and their questions to where she had been, but one thing the idol had learned was boundaries.

she didn’t have to tell the world where she had been. only the people who needed to know, knew.

ningning didn’t bring her phone with her to the facility. it was something the facility had requested before her initial arrival. it was quite the laugh when the chinese girl showed up with a mp3 player. however, the idol was thankful she downloaded as many songs as she could have because the upcoming 4 hour drive would be a bit more boring without it.

a car pulled up to the curb, and for a moment ning was confused. she couldn’t see who was inside because of the tinted windows, but when the passenger side window was lowered, she couldn’t help but smile.

i know i used to be crazy

that's 'cause i used to be young

you smiled and ning swore she was about to throw up from excitement. she practically bolted inside with her backpack and duffle, almost hitting her head on the roof when she got inside.

“hey, stranger,” you greeted her warmly, your eyes twinkling with joy. “ready to go home?” the chinese girl nodded, feeling a rush of emotions. she had missed you, she had missed seoul, she had missed her members.

 “more than ready.”

you tell me time has done changed me

that's fine, i've had a good run

“you didn’t forget anything, right?” you teased as you set the car into drive. the idol laughed at your remark before pretending to feign thought. “hm,” she hummed as she tapped her finger against her chin. “just this.”

ningning leaned over the center console and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek.

your cheeks flushed with a warm pink, and you couldn’t help but smile and roll your eyes playfully. “definitely not something to forget,” you replied, feeling a happy flutter in your chest. with one hand on the steering wheel, you took the other and intertwined your hand in the idol’s.

“let’s go home.”

i know i used to be crazy

that's 'cause i used to be young

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑬𝑵𝑫.

a/n: WE CHEERED ! thank you for all of the support for this series, i love u all <3

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧: @jiihu @silantryoo @rosiehrs @craftymasterlistcomicsprune @skisk1 @jisooftme @babycubchae @yunjinhart @pandamiswifey @jenoteamo @lcv3lies  @pagedpick7 @bexisbomb @lcv3lies @lauxymy4 @justalittledissociation @captivq @jeindall777

CLOSED.

[irkimatsu]

I love your Husk works! Could you please write one where fem!reader gets along with everyone and Husk doesn't even realize that he's catching feelings, but maybe on a night out with everyone, someone comes up and starts heavily flirting with her. Ends with confessions and sugary sweet tooth rotting fluff please. 😍

God damn, anon, do you have any idea how hard it is to wring a confession out of this man? I was going along at a steady pace and then I got stuck for hours! I genuinely hope you like slowburn, because Husk doesn't go from zero-to-love easily. I think he's gotten a nice start here, though. It's definitely fluffy!

Husk/Fem!Reader starting a relationship. Mentions of drinking and attempted sexual assault that Husk interrupts before things get too heavy. SFW, 2.8k words. Enjoy! I hope this is what you had in mind, anon! Thank you so much for reading my works!

Your first few months staying at the Hazbin Hotel have gone quite smoothly; as smoothly as anything there can ever go, anyway. Charlie took an instant liking to you - she takes an instant liking to everyone, so it’s nothing special, but still. She can be a bit overbearing, but you know she means well, and she’s grateful to have someone who doesn’t immediately write off her trust exercises from the start.

Still, after all the sharing circles and art therapy, you occasionally find yourself craving more “adult” fun, and that’s where Angel and Cherri come in. It’s not that you don’t want to be redeemed, but what could be so sinful about enjoying yourself a little? You’re not doing anything dangerous or drastic, no drugs and no getting involved with the wrong people; you’re just having fun drinking, dancing, maybe smashing up some abandoned property if the opportunity strikes. Charlie can’t get mad at destruction if no one cares about the thing you just blew up, right?

The bartender, Husk, isn’t nearly as keen on those nights on the town, but you’ve still managed to bond with him on nights where you prefer to stay in. He’s a surprisingly good listener underneath his gruff exterior. (Perhaps too good of a listener; you hope he keeps ignoring whatever bullshit you might have spouted off after one too many of his cocktails.) He also has plenty of stories of his own, mostly from the time he spent alive. When you could get him talking, he’d weave incredible tales of nightlife, both from his home city in Las Vegas and all the other places he’d visited in his life. He seemed especially wistful when talking about a woman he knew back then. He could talk for hours about all the famous sites he was able to take her to, all the songs he would sing for her, and all the starry skies he’d dance with her under.

“It’s not like I blame her for leaving. I’m the one who screwed it up. But being in love�� it was nice while it lasted.”

You try to encourage him with the hope that he could fall in love again, but he shakes his head with a bitter smile.

“I lost the ability to love years ago.”

—-

Your friendship with Angel and Cherri is so different compared to your friendship with Husk, so it took a few months before you could have a night out with all three of them. Charlie is once again less enthused about the idea of you four going out to party, but you promise to be relatively well behaved.

You promise, anyway. You can’t make promises for Angel’s sake, and as much as you love her, you know better than to have any faith in Cherri.

You’re surprised Husk agreed to come to a sex club at all. He never seemed like the type to be into that sort of thing. You’re less surprised to see that he has no intention of flirting with anyone and is instead perfectly happy to sit by the wall and knock back shots as quickly as the bartender can pour them.

Couldn’t he drink himself stupid back at the hotel, though? Why did he even come?

Is it just you, or has he been watching you the whole night?

The hours tick by, and you, Angel, and Cherri become progressively more wasted. Angel is currently hanging off of a muscular bull demon - damn, good for him - while Cherri tells you about another resident who used to stay at the hotel before he tragically lost his life during the last extermination.

“He was such a fucking idiot that it was charming, ya know? God damn I should have gotten to know him better when he was still around! I heard this rumor about him and never even got to find out if it was true!”

As she speaks, Cherri catches sight of a cobra demon who is currently chatting up a cluster of punk girls.

“Well, damn… maybe I’ll get to find out tonight. Don’t wait around for me, I’ll find my way back!”

With that announcement, Cherri is gone, leaving only you and Husk with about a dozen bar stools between you. He’s definitely keeping an eye on you; there’s still liquid in his glass, and  he’s watching you instead of guzzling it.

What’s his deal? If he wants to spend the night with you, why doesn’t he just come over here? You decide not to go over there yourself; no sense in rewarding him if he’s playing mind games.

You instead turn your attention to a handsome wolf demon who has taken Cherri’s seat. “Drinking all alone, love?” he says, his deep voice smooth as butter. Right away this man gives you the air of a natural-born charmer who can win anyone’s trust within seconds, only to break their hearts within hours.

He’s hot, and you’re drunk. You’ll let him break your heart a little.

Your conversation starts normally enough, with low stakes topics like the music and the drink selection in the bar. You’re in no hurry to tell this man anything personal or leave this spot with him, but you’re enjoying looking at him and hearing him enough that you don’t mind being a bit of entertainment.

He bumps your knee with his at one point, but you pull your own knee away. At first he seems to take the hint, and time passes without any more advances.

Soon, however, he grows more bold.

“Why don’t we go somewhere else, baby?” he asks as he lightly squeezes your thigh. “Somewhere more private?”

“No thanks,” you say as you jerk your leg away, though the motion doesn’t make him let go. “I’m fine talking here.”

“You know this is a sex club, don’t you?” he says. His smile and voice haven’t changed, but somehow he seems much slimier than he did five minutes ago, and the strong paw gripping your leg that seemed so enticing in your head feels suffocating in reality.

“I’m not here for that, I’m just hanging out with friends-” You try to leave the stool, but the man throws his arm around your shoulders and pulls you in.

“Come on, babe! What did you think I was after by chatting you up like this? You’re not gonna leave me hanging, are you?” He’s holding you closely enough that his hot breath is hitting your face, and the stench of his cologne is making you gag. “C’mon, baby, I’ll show you a good time. You won’t regret this-”

“She said no.” Husk had somehow snuck his way to your side without you noticing, and was now glaring daggers at your pursuer. “Back off.”

“Who are you, her grandpa?” the wolf laughs, refusing to unhand you. “Or just a nasty old man who likes ‘em young?”

Your captor’s laughter is quickly interrupted by a high-pitched howl. His face is now adorned with four jagged, bleeding lines.

“What the fuck, old man?” he yells as he unhands you. Just as quickly as you’re unhanded, you’re grabbed again, this time by Husk grabbing your waist and pulling you away.

“I knew I fucking hated this place,” he growls. “Where are Cherri and Angel?”

You have no idea, but your first guess has you looking toward the sex rooms in the back of the club.

“Jesus Christ… they’ll find their own way home. Come on, we’re going back to the hotel.”

You don’t appreciate being dragged out of the club like a misbehaving child, but as the alcohol clouds your thinking, you can’t quite formulate a protest.

Considering how pissed off your admirer must be right now, maybe it’s for the best that you don’t stay.

—

The walk back to the hotel is blurry; if Husk had anything to say to you besides pissed off obscenities muttered beneath his breath, you don’t remember it. Your next memory finds you laying on the couch in the lobby, your head aching from a combination of a hangover and the time spent laying on the couch’s arm with your neck at a weird angle.

“What time is it…?” you murmur as your eyes try to adjust.

“About noon,” answers Husk from the bar. 

As you continue to look around the lobby, he appears to be the only one here. “Where is everyone?” you ask through a yawn.

“Angel and Cherri still aren’t back, but I’m sure they’re fine. Charlie and Vaggie left to give you some quiet. Alastor and Niffty…” Husk shrugs after their names, then falls silent.

You groan as you push yourself into a sitting position, one that has you facing Husk. He doesn’t appear to have anything to do, and is instead standing with his chin resting on his crossed arms atop the bar. An awkward silence falls between the two of you, giving you plenty of time to observe Husk’s body language, particularly the way his tail is lashing behind him while his ear gives the occasional twitch.

He is not in a good mood.

“Are you okay?” you ask. Your well-meaning question only seems to piss him off further; he answers not with a word, but with a growl. “Is this about last night?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he insists.

“I’m sorry I caused you trouble…”

“Wasn’t your fault.” His tail lashes even harder. “Just don’t worry about it, all right?”

You’re going to keep worrying about it until he stops looking so on edge.

“Thanks for getting me away from that guy last night,” you say, just in case you didn’t thank him in your drunken haze.

“Hey, it’s what a good bartender does. When you see someone starting shit with another patron, even if it’s not your bar, you take care of the problem. That fucker had no right to put his hands on you after you told him to cut it out.”

He may be gruff, but at least he has standards.

“Can’t believe Cherri and Angel left you alone in there… those two better not take you to anymore fucking sex clubs, you don’t need to be around shit like that…”

“I’m a grown adult,” you protest. “I didn’t want to sleep with that guy, but if I did want to get with someone at that club, that’s my business.”

Husk’s eyes widen for a moment, before he returns to his original dour expression. “Yeah… guess you’re right.”

“And what about you? You didn’t look interested in picking up anyone last night. Why’d you even come?”

“How do you know I wasn’t interested?” he shoots back. “Maybe I was interested in someone! Maybe I just… didn’t have the balls to go for it.” He stands up straight and shakes his head. “Look, can we drop this? Hang out in sex clubs if you want, I don’t fuckin’ care.”

He’s speaking with the tone of voice of someone who very much cares.

“I’m done with ‘em, though. You’re right, you’re an adult, you don’t need me hanging around like some fuckin’ guardian angel.” He pours a glass of clear liquid, and you expect him to down it himself, but he instead steps out from behind the bar still holding the full glass. “I overreacted last night. Shouldn’t have made it your fuckin’ problem.” He approaches the couch, takes a seat, and offers you the glass. “Here, one last favor. Drink this and I’ll get off your ass.”

You take the cup, wondering if for some ungodly reason he’s trying to get you to down straight vodka.

“Why are you looking at me like that? It’s water. That headache’s only gonna get worse if you’re dehydrated.”

You take a sip of the water, and after only a few swallows you’re already regaining a bit of your desire to live. “Thanks,” you say before taking another large gulp.

“No problem,” he responds. You expect him to return to the bar, but he remains next to you on the couch. His body language has gotten no less agitated. What is going on with him?

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you doting on Angel or Cherri like this,” you observe before finishing the glass.

“They’re used to it, and they’ve got each other,” he says as he takes the glass from you. “You want some more?”

You shake your head, and he remains seated with the glass.

“You, though… I don’t know, something about that guy just pissed me off,” he says. “Even before he started touching you I didn’t like him. Bartender’s intuition, maybe? I’m still not over the awful feeling he gave me.” He sighs heavily. “I just… hate the idea of seeing you get hurt in a place like that. I know Angel and Cherri can take care of themselves, but you’ve never seemed as wild as they do, so I wasn’t sure…”

“Is that why you were watching me the whole night?” you asked.

Husk’s body jolts. “Shit, you noticed?”

“I kept looking over there wondering if you’d ever move from that spot, and if you weren’t actively drinking you were staring at me,” you said. “You weren’t subtle.”

Husk groans as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Sorry. I know you’re capable. I was just…”

“You weren’t there because you were interested in someone at all, were you?”

“I never said I wasn’t. I mean it when I said I just didn’t have the balls to say anything to ‘em. Instead, I just wondered… what I’d do if someone else asked ‘em. Knowing it’d be my own damn fault for not speaking up sooner. Trying to tell myself it wasn’t that big a deal if they went with someone else… until someone started flirting with ‘em, and touchin’ ‘em, and-” His body tenses as he growls, but relaxes after a moment. “Damn it, I haven’t had to do this in years...”

“Done what?”

“You know what I said about losing my ability to love years ago?” He turns his head and looks directly at you for the first time since he sat down. “...I think I’m remembering how to do it again.”

Things are starting to fall into place. “And the person who helped you remember is…?”

The slightest of smiles crosses his face. “Who do you think?”

You wouldn’t have guessed it before today, but it all seems so obvious in retrospect. He’d spent so many nights with you when he could have been in bed, just chatting with you or comforting you after a bad day. You’d really grown so fond of his smile, and Angel had told you before that he used to never smile.

But surely, you thought, he couldn’t have been smiling because of you…

“What am I even saying?” he asks as he turns away from you. “You died in the prime of your life, and down here you can have that prime forever. You could do so much better than a washed up old drunk.”

“You’re not washed up,” you assure him as you place your hand over his. “I think it’s great that you got to live such a full life! You have so many stories to tell, and so many talents… I bet there’s so much you haven’t told me yet.” You try to reassure him with a smile and a light squeeze to his hand. “So much you haven’t shown me, either. You talk a lot about when you were in a band, but I’ve never gotten to hear you play…”

“I haven’t touched an instrument in years,” he says. “I bet I don’t even remember how to play anymore.”

“Well, you don’t know if you don’t try, right?”

You don’t think you’re just saying that about instruments.

“It’s been such a long time… what if I screw up?”

You don’t think he’s just talking about instruments either.

“It can’t hurt to try. Maybe… maybe you’ll enjoy it even more than you remember.”

“Hmm…” He doesn’t seem fully at ease, but he hasn’t taken his hand back yet. “If I can get my hands on a saxophone, and I really haven’t forgotten how… sure. I’ll play for you.

…you just have to give me some time, okay? I’m not used to it anymore… especially with another person…”

“Take all the time you need,” you assure him.

He turns his hand around so he can hold yours back, and his smile seems to grow slightly. “Just gotta start slow… get used to things again…”

“You’ll be fine, I know you will,” you assure him. He seems content to leave the conversation there, but there’s one more thing you need to say. “Husk?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I’ll be going back to that club. No point when I’m not interested in picking up dates anymore.”

He squeezes your hand. “Glad to hear it.”

[borderlandsresearcher]

Ashrah x insecure reader x Syzoth

❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚

💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚

CW/TW: Reader is insecure about their body, gn reader, poly relationship. Not proofread, I am not a writer!!

(a/n @ the bottom)

* When you finally open up to both of them about your insecurities, Ashrah is slow to understand. But she knows you're suffering, and will do anything to ensure nothing less than your happiness.

* On the other hand, Syzoth understands right away. He offers up words of affirmation, reassuring you just how much they love you.

* "You are perfection my sweet. If only you could see yourself the way Ashrah and I see you ...". But he knew too much about what it was like, and that you needed more than just words. Unfortunately, he too was stuck in the same bottomless hell pit that was insecurity, just as you were.

* He takes it upon himself to explain to Ashrah just how debilitating living with such thoughts can be. Hoping she would understand and help him find a way to make their lover feel comfortable in their own body. Although he tries to hide his own insecurities, Ashrah connects the dots and sees right through him.

* Ashrah sees your and Syzoth's insecurities as sins that need to be eradicated. This leads her down a rabbit hole of studying the mortal condition and human psychology.

* Some time later, she sits the three of you down on your shared bed. Laid out on the mattress were various arts and craft tools. You and Syzoth stare curiously at the assortment of colourful strings, ribbon and paper.

* "What is all this about?" You ask, fiddling with a pair of scissors.

* "Therapy." Ashrah responded bluntly. "You both need a distraction from those terrible thoughts eating away at your conscious. I will not allow such rare beauty to tear itself down. Liu Kang did not create this timeline for the both of you to spend it hating the body he so graciously gifted you." Ashrah is stern, clearly serious about making the both of you feel better.

* Only the tiniest bit intimidated, you and Syzoth nod a long at each and every one of her orders.

* After an hour of crafting, chatting and enjoying each other's company (as well as avoiding disappointing Ashrah with your self deprecation), the three of you end up with your own handcrafted personalised journals.

* Ashrah reaches for the both of you. Holding hands, she maintains her strict yet loving tone: "Use these journals the moment those wicked thoughts return. Write them down, be in touch with your true self. Do not isolate yourselves. Acknowledge your emotions and try to work through them using these journals. And know, that no matter what, we will always have each other."

* From then on, you all worked through your feelings together, offering up a listening ear and uplifting each other whenever possible. Your insecurities never truly went away, but they were quiet and less frequent now, allowing you to focus on what-- or rather who- was more important to you ... your lovers.

❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚

A/N: Hope u all enjoyed :) I am new to the fanfic/hc scene. I will ONLY be taking CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, please and thank you!

P.s. Remember that you are loved!

[klowncrunch]

All right I just need to be insane. About my music playlist and also my rat grinders playlist. Which I will never leak to the public

This is one that should be pretty self-explanatory, though it's not explored in Canon because cowardice.(Joking) I constantly think about the fact that both Oisin And Ivy remember BITS AND PIECES of junior year whereas Ruben remembers nothing. Can you imagine the uncomfortable distance that is placed between all of them. Both of them being afraid of both making Reuben remember the things he did. And Ruben remembering the things they did.

Also especially if the assumption that how willing they were to give into their own rage is how much they remember. Oh boy Lord.

Also I just cannot imagine that Ruben isn't at least somewhat traumatized from the Wanda Childa dreams because objectively that shit is mental torture. If someone came into my dreams as the person who perpetrated torment against me. And told me that I need to take the fall for it I think I would need therapy forever actually.

I'm literally taking a chill pill art wise so I can have enough energy in July to absolutely go crazy with an a rat grinders animatic to this song because God damn it do I love Tyler the creator so much. AND I LOVVVVEEE THE RATGRINDERS!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THESE LOSERS!!!!

Buddy dawns murder. Must I explain further. I mean I will. One of the background vocals is "there wasn't any other way" and that ABSOULTELY makes me think of KipperLilly. But also the fact that the helioic faith is so extremely one note!! There's only one path for the followers to take and that is for them to get prepared to die. Being "lamb to slaughter" in that way.

Kipperlily Copperkettle you deserve so much better. I think a lot of people disregard the fact that especially when you're a teenager. These negative feelings can boil up to the point that you resort to apathy and rage as your main emotions. It feels like an all-consuming black hole. And you are searching for a solution. And you are searching for company. You're searching for someone who's willing to suffer with you. To be in the same boat as you and to understand you. And I think in some way Kipperlily did that especially with Lucy. I am a firm believer in the idea that she had Lucy killed because she wanted a person who would understand her like that. To me at least it feels like Kipperlily was trying to form that sort of connection with the entire party. But only really found it with Lucy. Even despite her efforts. I love you complicated woman

Also entirely off topic I think ivy would enjoy Chappell roan. Ratgrinders have a girls night + Mazey and ivy is putting the WORK in. Kipperlilly will not admit it but shes having a good time and Lucy's clapping along to the best of Hot to go. I think these girls deserve a night to enjoy themselves. No one expects it but Mary Ann DOES indeed know all the words to red wine supernova.

[ocuious]

Okay, so Joe hawley:

Hot take, but I think everyone's being a bit too harsh. Many people, including myself, immediately after hearing the news deleted posts about joe hawley, said that they don't support joe hawley, and sent hate towards him in general. I take back some words that I said earlier and would like to share a full rant about what I feel now.

Not wanting to support joe anymore is totally fine -- after all, he's done some awful things to people and I sincerely hope those people are able to recover.

I do however, still support joe, but not in the way you think.

I support his journey to getting mental help and hope he himself can recover and fend off whatever mental illnesses he may be facing. I continue to enjoy Joe's music, as after all, it's okay to separate the artist from the art. I support whatever's left of sane Joe and hope that he can look back, realize what he's done, apologize, and get the mental health he needs. I think any hate towards him is unnecessary.

Mental health isn't an excuse, but an explanation. Sending him hate is only digging his mental state a deeper hole and piling onto the stress he's already facing. I think we can all agree that he's most likely guilty -- he's not trying to defend himself nor is he apologizing. While people who've done things like Joe deserve a proper punishment, I feel that the best thing we can do now is hope that Joe can return to a proper state of mind and get help.

He needs help. His mind clearly isn't right here. The way he types, the way he talks... it's all off. He needs to go and get mental help or therapy or whatever a person like him needs and that way, he can hopefully come back and we can have hope at a third album. If he owns up to what he did, get's help, and truly becomes a better person, I'd be willing to forgive him. He's been battling mental illness for so long according to Andrew and I think it's heartbreaking to see what Andrew wrote on the matter.

Joe's mental health was one of the main reasons tally hall couldn't get a third album and probably won't if this situation keeps up. Andrew wrote how he and the other band members watched Joe fight to be mentally well. How he's changed, for the worse, and how he isn't the same, happy, Joe that was in tally hall. I think Andrew's response to everything is truly heartbreaking and it sucks that Joe had to go through this and in turn make the other members go through this as well.

I don't condone anything he's done. All I can say is to not approach him or talk to him. Even tweeting at him won't help. Remember, we're trying to get him off the phone and into a therapist's office. I've been trying not to pay attention to any tweets he's made as I think it's right to assume that these aren't made in a healthy state of mind and should be taken with a mother-sized basketball of salt. I believe that he's currently in a manic episode and he's obviously not in the right mind at all. Perhaps after this passes he can give an actual response.

I don't want to drag this on for any longer. Thanks for reading this (if you even finished). I just wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere. I truly hope that Joe get's help and can return to the closest thing to normal that there can be.

One last thing: please don't remove Joe Hawley from tally hall images. It's extremely immature. He was a part of tally hall and that can never be changed. I'll leave you with this:

It's okay to separate the art from the artist.

[realmadridfamily]

Ana Galocha : "Being the wife of a footballer or a coach doesn't mean you stop existing"

She prioritizes the career of her partner, Davide Ancelotti, over her own. But her restlessness and creativity have helped her turn sport into a way of life and art into a form of expression, by the way: take note of the speech on how to behave on social media.

Art and sport are Ana Galocha's great passions. Accustomed to constant moving due to her husband's profession (Davide Ancelotti - second coach of Real Madrid), now that she has been settled in the capital for a few years, those hobbies are starting to become something more: sport, a way of life as an investment in search of a healthier future physically and mentally, art… well, for now, she has already had her first exhibition in Madrid (in April, at Oculto Hair Club) and that is already a big deal.

How did you experience your first exhibition?

Very positive. I was afraid to exhibit my paintings in a gallery, even though I show them on Instagram, where more people see them. But I was very surprised to see that I still have the same line, but I can still define myself better, I am still on the way.

Mickey Mouse was the protagonist of this exhibition, with messages such as "more love, less war" or "more listening, less talking". Do you want your paintings to be more than just a pretty picture, do you want them to say something?

Yes. I have paintings that are simply decorative, but… My paintings are a bit childish, but they carry a message, whether it's a critique or what I feel at the time. Even though there's a lot of color, there's always something behind it.

There is also a naive point.

Yes, it could be the definition of my style.

We noticed on your Instagram: you like to do sports and for you it's almost an investment in the future, in physical and mental health. Is that true?

The first reason I do sport, apart from the fact that I love it, is that in the future I don't want to feel like a dependent woman, because I lack strength or… No, I don't want to. I want, if I am dependent, to be because of something else that I can't control. Also mentally, I think sport could be my therapy, along with painting. But I need sport. And I like to feel safe: now that I'm approaching 40, seeing myself better in the mirror helps me feel safe.

You do everything: training, weights, climbing, boxing… Do you have a favorite sport?

My friend calls me hashtag because today I'm a hashtag for a painter, tomorrow for a climber, the next for a boxer… Since I'm a restless ass, I take what I like from everything.

And how do you get along with football?

Now I really like it because I know what a true fan feels. Because how I experience it, my life depends in one way or another on football, how I live with such passion, also with children, it is very funny.

Were you a football fan before you met Davide?

No. As a Sevillian, we are all Betis or Sevilla fans, and I consider myself a Sevilla fan. But since I've been with him, the team I support the most is the team he is in, I can't help it. Sevilla has taken a backseat.

You’ve spent most of the last few years traveling, following Davide in his work. Maybe the years spent in Madrid are the most stable for you?

Yes, especially because I was already living in Madrid when I met Davide, I had been here for six years. So I know the city very well and I have many friends from before and, in addition, I have had time to settle down again because I have been here for three years, it's a record. Since I've been with him, we've spent an average of a year and a half in each country. But now I have more time to settle down.

Do you miss that stability or do you enjoy the change?

I love changes. Davide is lucky because I don't cause him any problems when it comes to changes. Up until now I have always enjoyed very different countries, both in terms of cultural visits and living in a village or a city where everyone speaks German. I always put the team first, I look at Davide more than at myself.

Dramatic art and your first steps as a reporter. Are they definitely behind you?

I'm waiting for another train to catch, get on the wagon and go wherever I go. No, no, no, I love it. I wouldn't mind doing something again. I mean, I don't see myself capable of being an actress in a series, to be honest, I value the work of actors a lot and I'm way below that, but doing a commercial or doing something small or as a reporter, well, yes, why not. And don't propose anything else to me, I might also say yes. And don't propose anything else to me, I might also say yes.

How do you get along with social media?

I don't like to think of it as a job. I don't pretend to be an influencer, it's hard for me to upload content, and I have contradictions about what I should or shouldn't upload.

And with other users? Do you respond to them?

99% of the people who write to me do so with positive comments. And I try to answer everyone, as long as I can I will, even if it's with a little heart. It's true that recently someone judged me for being the wife of a coach, with ugly and sexist things about what I could upload or not. And I don't think it's right that someone would write something like that to me. Sometimes they answer you that "if you expose yourself on social media …". Yes, but for me that is no excuse, I don't go out on the street saying that I don't like your hair, so neither on social media. And even if you ask if you like my hair, there is also education. Ever since I was little I have hated "honesty" used as an excuse to say whatever you want. No, honesty doesn't mean that, to me it means something else. People who tell you what they think in a harmful way, and who exist on social media, I don't like at all. And I can't keep quiet there. And Davide supports me. Being the wife of a footballer or a coach doesn't mean you stop existing. Of course I have a filter and there are things I don't post, but not just being Davide's wife.

Like you say in one of your paintings, more rock and less reggaeton?

Yes, I'm more of a rock, instrumental, and house fan. But if I dance to some reggaeton songs, I'll dance to everything.

[eleanortm]

— whoa! ELEANOR ASTOR MIDDLETON just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for THIRTY FOUR YEARS, working as a FORMER MODEL/HEIRESS and ARTIST. that can’t be easy, especially at only 40 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit ERRATIC and SENSITIVE , but I know them to be CREATIVE and COMPASSIONATE. whatever. I guess I’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to MANHATTAN!

triggers: death, adoption, mental illness, hospitalization

eleanor was born to a single mother. she was never planned and was indeed a strain on the household. her mother hid her pregnancy with her until she went into labor and told her parents. it was a disaster and continued to be when el was born. none of it was her fault but her mother was already suffering from mental illness, something that wasn’t helped by the judgemental people around her. then suddenly, the woman was gone in an accident - eleanor's own family didn't want her. she would scream for her mother, for anyone but they wouldn't come.

at the age of five, she was adopted by the daughter of edward astor middleton, a known billionaire . money prevailed in getting the woman what she wanted, a child when she was a single and vile person that would say and do anything to get one. when unable to conceive herself, she looked towards adoption and the process was much quicker taking a five year old, plus, she skipped out baby night feeding so it was of no concern to her.

it took her a while to get settled but with edward’s help, eleanor managed. she always felt a bit out of place with her peers; she didn’t catch onto jokes that fast nor did she necessarily care about designer things or status. she was labelled as odd and that’s how it stayed. she loved singing, mainly to herself and also art. that was her happy place along with being with people - even if they didn’t understand her, she still found the positives to enjoy it. her grandfather was very supportive with whatever she wanted but she never once asked for anything apart from ‘dinners and dance parties’. in the absence of her mother's caring, edward was the one to make her feel like she was exactly where she needed to be, even be quick to put her into therapy, not because she was broken but because she needed that external support where she could be honest. el was always grateful, always reminded that she got lucky with the life by her mother and edward took that pressure off. the whole world probably had some opinion on the billionaire but he was perfect to her.

when she was in her teen years, she worked as a model for her mother’s cosmetic company. without realising it, el was responsible for her mother’s success because it made the woman branch out into new foundation shades - it wasn’t perfect but it was a step in the right direction and her mother was applauded whilst felicity became the face of the entire company - not just the face but the name of astoria cosmetics. you couldn’t go anywhere without seeing her face. it did cause controversy with her being young, as well as eleanor receiving hate for how she looked but it got people talking. opportunities arose from this - her mother's friends inviting her to model in their shows despite being a little shorter than the runway model.

it was a lot of pressure to put on her but she was agreeable in nature and never wanted to upset her mother so never said anything. she fell into her art work as a way to process emotions and things she cared about . through connections, she did manage to get a place at nyu but she’d crumble and pull out only a few months in. it was mainly sitting in her studio, headphones on being in a completely different world while she created and that was and continues to be her happy place.

the news that her grandfather was ill and he wasn’t going to get better hit eleanor the hardest. he was the one person who she felt understood her, the one that tied her to a lot of things and made her feel loved. impulsive and intense behaviour came from her during this time, that was in her second month at university. living in denial was a hard place to be as her mental health deteriorated quickly - el's mother wasn’t the talkative type and every time she tried to accept reality and try to talk about her feelings with the woman, she’d be shut down and thrown into a schedule. she’d dropped out and hadn’t told her mother - being dishonest was not her thing...

she had a breakdown at a photoshoot. the photographer was quick to intervene and attempted to comfort her until they could get her somewhere safe. a day after, she was hospitalised but her mother wanted to get her out quickly to 'salvage their reputation'. the entire ordeal upset her.. it was just her and her mother and although she felt broken, she needed to be there to comfort her mom because she could see that the woman was struggling - it was hindering them both that she still didn’t want to talk about it.

the reading of edward middleton’s will was a big event. eleanor wasn’t expecting to get anything as he’d given her more than enough love to make up for the lack in her life. it was a great surprise to everyone, including her, when edward left everything to her. overwhelmed didn’t even cover it. his savings, current bank account, shares in his company, property... everything. she was so confused as to why and did feel sorry for her mother but she didn’t even have time to think about what she wanted to do with the billions (tabloids will say millions which is half-true because they underestimate the situation) before the woman that she called mother would be filing to court to try get it revoked and passed to her. 

eleanor did not want to fight with her mother. the woman didn’t even tell her about it, a lawyer made her aware that her mother wanted to take it from her and was bringing her sanity into question. despite her mental illness, the ordeal was ruled in her favour but winning against her own mother didn't feel like a win at all. she'd dropped out of university but had the luxury of focusing on her artwork as she had the privilege to do so. all it took was one person to come into her studio and the rest was history. eleanor was always humble, never flaunting her wealth in people's face (not for the most part, anyways). when she did, it was because she wasn't that self aware to recognise she was doing it.

she managed to keep herself steady for a while. her medication and therapy was working, she felt comfortable, her artwork was being admired and sold for $$$$$$$$ - she was happy, right? she felt like she had gone from someone that was easily satisfied to never being satisfied. it was then when she found someone she'd call her best friend. the two were very different but got on really well - eleanor felt safe, like they wouldn't judge her and when she had a bad day, they'd always find a way to cheer her up and if they couldn't, they'd make sure to sit with her in her penthouse to make sure she wasn't alone. it was at the point where she felt relaxed when she was looking into becoming a mental health advocate, particularly in schools.

however, pressures would get to her - with deadlines, her attempting to try have a hand in her grandfather's company from a legacy... everything seemed so stressful and then it felt so threatening. it was a long time coming but she sold the majority of her shares in her grandfather's company (she still owns 30% but is more a nepo figure than actually having to do anything). however, it didn't feel like a weight had been lifted - her grandfather would be so disappointed with her. she just wasn't up to - she was flighty, unreliable, a people-pleaser and whilst he'd always encouraged being kind, there was a point where she needed to stop letting people walk all over her.

it was her inability to deal with her therapist leaving that caused another break. people in her circles were ignoring it but not maliciously, they were just unaware of her circumstances. 'eleanor and her stories, she does let that brain of hers run wild sometimes' or just a simple scoff and shrug of the shoulders before 'artists...' was mumbled. it didn't help that her therapist moved to another country , still trying to call the woman when she shouldn't have been and that she was having trouble finding another good fit - she didn't know what she found so off-putting but it didn't feel like anything was working with anyone. her old therapist had left a plan for her but with the professional breakdown, it left her vulnerable. all of a sudden, everyone in her life felt so distant. there was somewhat of an incident at the metropolitan museum of art - the security suspected that she was on something. it was her doorman that took her to the emergency room and that lead to multiple referrals being made for her as well as her being admitted.

eleanor did spend a few months in hospital and then gradually started to appear again. it is disappointing to her - she worked so hard, was even talking about giving back due to her wealthy position but how could she even try to talk to people that were already a million miles away when she was missing her own foundations? she'd like to get back into it, to actually see it through but she first needs to be able to trust herself again. she's doing less pieces but she's trying to finish some off and she's started back running again because it really does clear her head and make her think about nothing.

little facts:

was born in england and split her time between london and nyc when growing up - her accent is primarily british but she does have an american twang on particular words/phrases/sounds.

she’s not bothered about designer labels. if it’s pretty, she’ll buy it, whether it’s from chanel or a charity shop, it doesn’t matter to her.

tries to be positive to everyone and everything but it makes her feel good. she is naive when it comes to trusting people but wants to be loved so is ultimately a people pleaser.

cries very easily - if she’s happy, sad or scared, she’ll be crying. el also very much wears her heart on her sleeve!

was labelled as ‘kooky’ pretty early on but doesn’t really mind. she does try to fit in but it never ends up being how she imagined. she's diagnosed with schizophrenia. it's not that she hides it, just doesn't feel the need to mention it most of the time.

has drunk since she was a teen and still doesn’t know her limits :)

she is messy, both in organising and behaviour.

either cant sleep so she decides to scrap book while listening to music at three am or she does nothing but sleep.

white cotton poplin is her staple in outfits, whether it be a dress or shirt!

has taken up yoga for the first time and she thinks she's terrible at it - not flexible and unbalanced but she does run a lot when she needs to clear her head and will say it's better to do that here than across the country on a treadmill.

she says she isn't a runner but is very good at it.

loves to wear suits and blazers! messes her hair up within 3 mins of leaving the house.

sold her mother a part share in the company (didn't give it to her for free after she tried to sue her). she's still very hurt about how the woman treated her but does want to mend the relationship somehow.

she's recently been giving a plant as a gift to help her focus and look after something (part of her self-care) but she's really bad at keeping green things alive - she's really trying though.

is incredibly loyal and loving but doesn’t try to ask too many questions. her personality can sometimes be imposing as it is.

sometimes labelled the 'worst dressed' at events - she doesn't pay attention too much.

is trying to act like nothing is happening so is over-compensating with her chirpy personality.

it's scaring her that, despite being a billionnaire, she's struggling to find a therapist. eleanor is privileged, she's aware of it so it has got her thinking about outside of her bubble - what would have happened if she couldn't even afford treatment?

likes all types of music

her fave colours are blue, green, purple and red but not together

[heartyearning]

☀️ SUMMER READING WRAP UP ☀️

i read like 30+ books in july & august & wanted to do a quick little summary of that here bc i read some absolute bangers. in no partic order + these are only the good ones bc i dont need to talk about [title redacted bc im nice]

headshot by rita bullwinkel: i got this in a bookstore near my sister's art uni & you could tell it was an artunibookstore bc there were so many books i'd never heard of but this one is SO up my alley. it's about a group of teenage girls in a boxing competition and follows each of their matches from the perspectives of the girls. they don't talk to each other so they each have this really skewed vision of the other person, especially considering that there's a competitive aspect to what they're doing anyway & the fact that none of these girls feel like they're respected in their day-to-day lives. if you're a teen following me you NEED to pick up this book, i felt like it so perfectly encapsulates that feeling of being 15-17 esp if you're socialised as a girl. everything is both grandiose and gritty at the same time, these girls have FEELINGS pouring out of their ears and it is so so so well written. absolutely loved it. also look at this cover:

LOVED!

big swiss by jen beagin: this is kind of in the same vein as headshot & generally in the same vein of a lot of general fiction i've been into lately. i've known about it for a while but did wonder whether it was worth getting it / whether it would do more than just scratch the itch that i already had scratched after reading headshot & let me tell you it absolutely did. big swiss follows a transcriber of a new york sex therapist who accidentally meets and becomes involved with one of his patients. greta, the protagonist, has got a lot of weird habits and thought-patterns but since the book is written from her pov it's easy to go along with the idea that this all isn't THAT weird until it really starts to be reflected back at her through other people when big swiss starts talking about her in the therapy sessions greta transcribes and onwards. it's really good, i also love that greta's a bit older than a lot of the protagonists in books like these that i've read. i also love this cover with the painting on it but i personally had a copy with an illustration of big swiss & greta's dogs (even tho piñon was brown on the cover, not black, but i'm letting it go) which was very cute as well.

chouette by claire oshetsky: iykyk. this book is really good for many reasons but let me introduce it by saying it was good because it handles a VERY tricky subject matter and does so with incredible grace. chouette follows the birth and childhood of chouette, an owl-baby which came about after Tiny had sex with her female owl lover in a dream. (i don't have my copy with me rn but the opening line is something along the lines of "it was a shock to me when i discovered i was pregnant after i dreamt i had sex with an owl lover, especially because my owl lover was a woman." <- that but like. good writing. i wish i could remember the phrasing better) in this book the concept of an "owl baby" is actually a stand in for having a child with mental development issues. chouette is an owl-baby in a world of dog-children, that sort of thing. i was very cautious when reading this book bc it's told from the pov of tiny, who doesn't always love being a mother (and i'm sensitive about that topic so i didn't really know how i'd respond to this) and also the subject matter in general can go wrong in so many different ways. chouette is really good though, at no point does tiny think of her daughter as being anything other than who she is. she's not some genius savant nor is she broken & in need of fixing. she's simply a baby / young toddler with her own needs and desires and her own personality. very sweet, very emotional book. music plays a big role in this book (again, iykyk) and there's an accompanying playlist which i ended up not listening to bc i didn't have wifi but i do also like that aspect of it.

we go around in the night & are consumed by fire by jules grant: pros of moving in with someone who used to work in publishing & book selling: i now have access to a bunch of new books i've never heard of before. we go around in the night is an incredible book about an all-female gang in manchester (at least i think its manchester, i do not recall) and how they deal when one of their members is shot and killed. the plot and concept themselves are really good but what stands out especially is the writing style which is in part stream of consciousness and in a larger part just very particular to the pov character & how their mind works. we follow the povs of the head of the gang and the daughter of the woman who was killed. it's very emotional, very rough to read bc it deals so much with grief and also it's so intimate because with the way it's written you just feel so deeply inside the characters' minds. really cool.

fantasy break: i reread all of my branderson books (or at least the cosmere ones), so that's the first mistborn trilogy, warbreaker & the first 4 stormlights. not gonna summarise those indiv bc i'm pretty sure none of my followers on this blog give a fuck but i am actually very pleased to have re-read them bc 1. i love them and 2. it's made the scope of the cosmere a bit more understandable again. also i get very emotional about fantasy & cried like a baby at the end of mistborn & also at the end of oathbringer. and at the middle of rhythm of war. when adolin's in shadesmar with maya? yeah. sobbing.

little, big by john crowley: i listened to this on audiobook every day for about 2 weeks as i walked my dogs and did my chores and what have you. this audiobook is 24 hours long and usually that's my limit on audiobook length, anything longer than that & i start to check out mentally, but i could honestly listen to little, big forever. if you don't know it's this multi-generational novel about faeries and a family involved with them tangentially through the contact one of the early women had with faeries when she lived in the uk. it's a book about an american family though and though the faeries are ever-present in the actions and consequences that befall this family, it's so much more about love. familial love, romantic love, love for a place, love. it's absolutely incredible and read by the author who has the most wonderful accent (maine, i believe?) which just transports you even more into the world of these people. i'm generally all for a novel read by a trained & skilled narrator, not the author (reading is a skill) but john crowley does a very good job and anyway i didn't mind it when voices sounded alike because you understood who was speaking anyway just by what they were saying and anyway it's a family so it's okay if they sound similar. truly such a wonderful experience, i really loved this book.

others i read and just want to quickly mention: giovanni's room, gut symmetries, the book of elsewhere (i love china miéville etc etc), edinburgh (by alexander chee) & a couple more but these are the ones that i enjoyed most / got most out of

[poetryofyouth]

the last few weeks i have been obsessively playing Dragon Age, in preparation for the veilguard release of course.

Dragon Age: Origins is still a work of Art and I would die for her and every companion

Dragon Age: 2 is not as bad as I remembered it? Sure it has it's issues but the story is genuinely so fantastic. Like, the story, the characters, Hawke's relationships with the companions - the combat is almost an annoying obstacle to get to the heartbreakingly tender moments between Hawke and their damaged, broken, hurting friends

For that reason I would love for an option to just skip combat alltogeter and turn it into a walking simulator.

In both Origins and 2, the male love interests are so so so much better holy fuck

Like the first time I played as a lesbian (of course) and romancing Leliana in Origins. Which is... sweet and everything, but the relationship with Leliana always felt... hollow. Love without any true base in Friendship. If that makes sense.

This time, my warden was a bit of a slut and romanced Leliana, (also Isabella), Zevran and lastly Alistair. And holy fuck, the relationship between Warden an Alistair is just perfect. Me playing a female elf only added to the perfection. Sad I couldn't marry him at the end, but hey, staying as the King's mistress is fine with me, Anora's cool with it, mostly, and nothing can get in between true love. I mean, the relationship between Warden and Alistair starts off with pure banter and friendship, you can feel them acutally caring for each other way before you even start any romance. They feel like two people who just fit like puzzle pieces. Jokes, support, bleeding together, either one would not think a minute before sacrificing their own life for the other. and finally, after weeks of pain and suffering and drinks in taverns and jokes around the campfire and horribly traumatizing deaths all around, they both realize that they aren't just friends anymore. Fucking hell that is literally the perfect fictional relationship omg i have never shipped a straight couple harder.

Also I found the thought of being a slutty warden who bedded every available character before finally taking the future king's virginity, then arranging a marriage between her boyfriend and another woman and then also arranging for her boyfriend to get her other friend pregnant just... incredibly funny ngl

And in DA:2 on my first playthrough I romanced Merril. Which was... fine. Though I find it kinda difficult because I didn't like the idea of Hawke just being completely fine with blood magic and all that. Merril also isn't that interesting a character. I mean, comparing her to many other games she is fantastic!! But in this game, she just kinda pales in comparison to everyone else.

Now I'm playing a male gay Hawke and I first romanced Fenris. And I am just a sucker for a sad, hurting man learning how to feel again. Fenris is just such a good character. Of course he is horribly racist agains mages, which i mean, not that i / Hawke condone it, but anyone would need years of therapy to get over what the magisters did to him, so i love the thought of Hawke being patient and slowly trying to show him they are not that bad.

So I love to kinda torture Fenris and run around with him, anders and merril, their companion banters are so great.

But Fenris of course dumps Hawke after the first time and sure you COULD wait for him to come around in act three but screw that, I will not have my feelings played with like that.

Especially when there is an even sadder, more broken man waiting for me. Anders is probably my favourite character in DA:2. Even the last time I played, without romancing him. But now I startet DA:2 right after finishing the Awakening DLC and I just LOVE the difference and the similarities between the two Anders versions. Some might say it's inconsistent. But I choose to believe that in Awakening, even if Anders had seen so many horrible things already, he was still able to keep a more happy-go-lucky facade. I imagine between the end of Awakening and Hawke first meeting him, Anders has seen many many more horrible things while being with the wardens. So he is just extra-traumatized in 2. And of course, his character changed with the whole spirit of justice thing. But even if he is a lot more serious and a lot sadder, he still has that Anders-Charm. I love his love for kittens and his need for justice for the mages

And even if the DA:2 love interests (apart from Sebastian) are all bisexual, I love that they are not just default staights that can just also be romanced by same gender Hawkes. Like, when Anders confesses that Karl, who just died, was his first boyfriend??? I think I cried. The PAIN the HURT the HOMOSEXUAL ANGST. I will burn down all of Kirkwall if that makes Anders feel even a little better.

The rivalry / rivalry romance aspect is really cool and I love it exists but unfortunately i am incapable of not being liked by everyone.

Seriously how does a game that was pretty much universally considered a disappointment by the fandom (i previously didn't like it either!! Idek why!!!!) have storylines that trump pretty much any movie of tv show made in the last 5 years. Please let me play this just as a story game/walking simulator i need to look into mods i want to see every possible conversation and fuck everyone (tenderly and with love. and also as hateful rivals)

Also I have played the games so much recently I hope I don't accidentally say "by the maker" in public lmao

[talesfromthecrypts]

Hi. I think you’ve always done a good job when people ask you your opinions or reviews on things. So would you recommend Veilguard. All the reviews I’ve seen seem to be super negative because of “wokeness” letting you choose genders and queer characters. And the other negative reviews seem to be from people who didn’t get free review copies. The only two valid criticisms I’ve seen frequently are that the story doesn’t really connect well to the first trilogy and that the gameplay and decision systems seem dumbed down to appeal to younger ages.

I really enjoyed the first game but was too burnt out by it to ever get into Dragon Age 2 and 3. I tried to play Baldur’s Gate based on your posts but I always felt overwhelmed with not understanding all of the gameplay systems and just always feeling like I was playing it “wrong”. I want to pick it back up. But I haven’t had the time to fully watch videos so I can understand what I’m doing. So overall what are your thoughts on veilguard and would you recommend it?

Sorry for such a wordy ask.

Ok first I feel like I should say what my experience with the series is. I shotgunned all 3 games over the summer back to back like an insane person. I have no nostalgia, all my opinions on the series are brand spanking new and not really affected by the overarching fandom because I have no connection at all to the fandom.

It's much easier for newcomers and modern gamers than Origins or BG3 is combat and mechanics wise if you're worried. Also way more streamlined than BG3 if you find that much freedom overwhelming.

I enjoyed it! I think if someone is a fan of the series they will enjoy it well enough. Once I got the hang of the combat I really enjoyed it. Exploration was a lot better than Inquisition. Love the factions, love being able to choose a faction to help build a character. I enjoy Solas as a character so any time with him is appreciated. I think Dragon Age in general is really open with sexualities and I really appreciate how many bi options there have always been (despite the weird memory hole right wing grifters were trying to make about it). The art direction is gorgeous and the use of color is incredible. I do enjoy several of the companions. The character creator is way better than the other 3 (I love making a character it must be said).

Now I have some criticism! I do think they simplified the morality of the world. It feels very "these are the bad guys and they are cartoonishly evil and these are our heroes and they do only good things". This becomes an issue especially among returning characters or concepts, The Crows and some things around Solas especially get real weird since both of those things tend to fall in a morally grey space. Like there are points where some banter will bring up a grey area and its very quickly swept under the rug. And there is some very unnatural "therapy speak" in some places which is my number one modern writing pet peeve. I don't like how little you can talk to the companions, which hurts the romance aspect as well. The inclusion of the few choices from past games they did decide to include was poorly implemented in my opinion. Solas and the Inquisitor should be in it way more than they are especially since their relationship (whatever that may be world state wise) is kind of important.

Also I prefer when I create my own character in an rpg to have them a little bit more blank slate and Rook is pretty heavily defined but I can imagination that away and that's a heavy personal preference. Just wanted more freedom in my roleplaying choices.

So its good and I would recommend it for people wanting a fun fantasy adventure but I do miss the more morally complex concepts the past games were working with.

[writing-for-life]

Thanks for the tag, @marlowe-zara This is actually a nice one, and I’ve got time (I always take the day after the Oscars off, I’m really that sad)…

*****************************************

Are you named after anyone? No, not that I know of. I use the name I nearly got as my writing pseud/pen-name though.

When was the last time you cried? Not a crier about a lot of stuff because my go-to-mechanism is to get on with it, for better or worse (so not saying that’s always a good thing). If I cry, it’s mostly when I’m proud of my kid, so rather happy tears than angry/sad ones. I know when I need to cry because of latter reasons though and can easily get the floodgates to open with art/music/films/books when I feel it’s safe for me to do so. That sounds… well-adjusted? Not 🤣

Do you have kids? One, primary age.

What sports do you play/have you played? Dance (professional performer). Knees, hips and back are fairly wrecked, so gentler stuff these days (mostly the right gym-stuff, Yoga and walking/running if my joints oblige). But do they count as “playing” sports?

Do you use sarcasm? Yes. Not always proud of it, so I try to limit it.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Their voice (occupational hazard, but also a kink 🤣). And the way they communicate in general, whether written or orally. That can mean many things—I like the occasional, well-placed swear-word, as an example. But most of all, I notice if people understand that words hold meaning, and if they use them well (again, in all sorts of ways).

What's your eye color? Some say blue, some say green. Very dark, whatever it may be (I have my own opinion, and I shall call it dark teal).

Scary movies or happy endings? Neither really. Not into scary movies, not the biggest fan of sappiness either. But it all depends. A good movie is a good movie and all that.

Any talents? I speak four languages fluently—is that a talent? All joking aside, I believe it’s all a mix between some natural aptitude, interest, support and commitment anyway, so the idea of “talent” is always one that makes me scratch my head a bit. I’ve had people comment favourably on my singing, acting, writing and drawing. Plus that I’ve got good problem-solving skills?

Where were you born? Western Central Europe 😜

What are your hobbies? Reading, writing. And reading. And writing. I also like reading, and did I mention writing?…

Do you have any pets? Yes, a black cat called Morpheus. His name used to be something else entirely when he was a kitten, but especially my kid and I think his attitude is very Murphy. We’re really that pathetic, and so is he. He also has a little scar under his eye now, courtesy of a love interest that didn’t reciprocate his feelings (I wrote about it on here), so it is very… apt?

How tall are you? 1.80m/5’11 My back and joints thank me every day.

Favorite subject in school? Languages, hands down. Everything that relates to writing, reading, literature, drama. And music. I’d love to say art, but I’ve only ever had arsehole art teachers who ruined it for me. So that’s to say: It’s not just the subject. It’s also the people who see you, support you, want you to succeed.

I teach performance-psychology at University, so I like that, too 🙂

Dream job? Oh, that’s tricky. Usually the one I’m doing, but that doesn’t mean it’ll forever stay that way. I’m lucky enough to have basically three degrees (the first one a science/music double major, the second in psychology), and I loved working in all three fields—until I didn’t. And if I didn’t, I stopped. It was hard every time, both financially and emotionally, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my gut usually lets me know when it’s time to move on, and that it’s advisable to listen. At the moment, I split up my time between writing professionally, seeing therapy clients roughly 2 days a week and having a teaching gig. My brain likes the variety and needs it, and for the time being, that’s my happy place.

I see the usual suspects have already been tagged, so I’m going to mix it up (no pressure though if this stuff isn’t your thing) and send this into the direction of @morpheusbaby3 @duckland @dxliriumoftheendless @stellerssong @bobbole

[punkshort]

Your Marcus Acacius… let me tell you, when I say my life hasn’t been the same since, I’m not even exaggerating. I mean literally. That man is so swoonable it hurts!!😫 it is impossible not to fall madly in love (and lust😉) with him! The way you described both his inner and outer beauty and his irresistible personality and riz and confidence and raw masculinity is just *CHEFS KISS!! You leave such a visceral sense of who he is he has me in a chokehold and Im just mad that he’s not reeeeeal!!😭😭

your world building is so beautiful! it’s so vivid and delightful it makes me wanna live there. (And I live in NYC😆)

The side characters Iizard and the brother are hilarious! I love them AND I wanna throw an oven mitt at them😂

Your protagonist: I like your protagonist so much she’s so endearing. She’s so sweet and kind even when she’s ready to kick Danny’s ass you can tell she still loves him and will always look out for him. She’s not perfect and struggles at work (and with life) like most of us do but she’s smart and strong and resilient like we all try/want to be so she’s very relatable. It’s easy to see how a man like Acacius would fall in love with her. And even when she’s angry and annoyed she’s still very lovable (in contrast to Kate and Leopold). And that Matt guy. Well… he deserves everything he got lol And the smut… oh the smut. It’s so fluffy and sweet and SO HOTTT🥵🥵 I melted on the floor like your protagonist said🫠🫠

TW: I don’t wanna make this weird I swear. you don’t have to reply at all it’s totally fine. I just want you to know that your art has literally changed my life. I don’t mean to overshare but… being able to take refuge in the world you’ve created got me through weeks of PTSD flashback hell. And I’ve had this one difficulty all my life and decades of expensive therapy couldn’t make a dent but In Another Life cured it. I’m excited to live again🥹. I just wanna say from the bottom of my heart how grateful I am that you shared your beautiful writing with us!❣️❣️💝💖💝💖

Sincerely,

A Marcus Acacius Girly

PS I did reblog your work but I was too embarrassed to leave all this in my comments so I had to go anon in your inbox😅

This was so beautiful to read it took me a minute to figure out how to answer it - I can't really put into words what this means to me but I'll try 🥹

Firstly, thank you so much for pointing out all your favorite parts because that's my favorite part! I absolutely adore hearing what struck you the most as a reader and I like to hear if what I've written came across the way it intended and how I imagined it, etc, so this was and always is so wonderful to hear. It just gave me that extra motivation I needed to work on part 3 later 🤭 (I've already started it but didn't get very far)

Secondly, thank you for sharing a bit about your personal struggles. I know that has to be so hard for you to share and I appreciate that you felt impacted enough by something I wrote to want to say something about it. I don't think I know how to describe the way my chest literally tightened when I read that part but I'm floored something I wrote could help anybody in the world the way you described. It makes me so happy I could help you in that way, it really truly does. I really hope things are looking better for you now ❤️

Lastly, thank you for reblogging! Don't feel obligated to write anything when you do, I appreciate it all the same!

I'm very grateful you reached out to me and trusted me enough to share a piece of yourself. I sincerely hope the rest of the story meets your expectations and continues to bring a little light into your life ❤️ I also rely heavily on this platform (and my own writing) as a form of therapy (and maybe a little escapism, sure) so we certainly have that in common 😘

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

Hey! I love your Beetlejuice stories on A03, all of them are wonderful. Do you have any tips on writing the Maitlands? You write them so well, keeping them sweet while giving them depth.

you're so sweet! this got super long so its under a cut. please keep in mind that these are my interpretations of canon and you might disagree and that's totally fine!

Lemme break these into specifics for each one cause while theyre a matching set and should not be separated they're also pretty different! Barbara- the more out going one between the two of them, more willing to jump into new situations. i think of her as someone adam can lean on, and because of that their marriage is a little non traditional, despite what beej might say, since she's the one more likely to do things that scare her and sort of lead the two of them. barbara should be sweet, empathetic, and very patient, but also willing to put her foot down when it matters. she's a doormat no more. between the two of them, she's the one more interested in arts. while she might not like making pottery i think she's the more creative one - she apparently also started and gave up oil painting (the painting she smashes) i read her as someone who comes from religious trauma but that also might just be me putting my own baggage on her. she just feels like someone who would/could have been more outgoing if she hadnt been raised in a very traditional way, where women are a step below their husbands. i dont think that believe holds true in her marriage obviously but it's engrained to some degree that she needs to behave like the perfect wife/mother. this could also be part of where her anxiety about being a mother stems from (this part obviously is VERY personal to me and her character may not read that way to you, i acknowledge this i headcannon territory here) she's also willing to push adam into things that make him nervous, because she does want her husband to stand up for her. (that moment when beej is having his soliloquy, if you watch her she's arguing with adam and telling him to say something to beetlejuice, and that's the reason why adam interrupts him) in general i think she finds things that are odd and unusual to be more funny and interesting than scary - her laughing at beetlejuice's antics in the attic a lot come to mind. Adam - the more shy one. adam is someone who i read as having a fairly heavy degree of social anxiety (there are strangers downstairs! i didn't like strangers when i was alive-) and because of that he tends to overthink and be in his own head too much. adam's fatal flaw might be that he wants to sit down and puzzle through things instead of reacting. while it's good to keep a clear head sometimes you do need to react in the moment and stand up for yourself (which he learns by the end! go adam!!!) adam loves working with his hands. while barbara creates, adam maintains. he restores furniture and does woodworking. i do like to mix movie adam with musical adam a bit, because in the movie adam owns a hardware shop, and i think that vibe also fits musical adam as well. adam leans on barbara a lot - when beej is asking them to hire him, he looks helplessly to barbara, and he's always willing to follow her lead. in a sense she wears the pants, but it doesn't read as emasculating to me - barb's strength is leading and adam's is supporting. does not like to yell or wish people unwell. THAT GUY!! NEEDS!! therapy, i hope he gets the help he needs :( to me this, combined with him honestly thinking beej might be his dad for a moment, reads as someone who had a very turbulent early childhood. a negligent or possibly abusive father who disappeared early enough in his life that adam doesn't remember his face. maybe he doesnt like to yell because that's what his own father did, and he doesnt want to be like his dad. he wants to be better than that. his not knowing his father could also lead into his fear of becoming one - he didn't have a strong father figure growing up, and he's never had that behavior modeled for him

The Maitlands as one - they should be like two halves of a whole. barb might lead, but she never steps on adam. adam might support, but his own impute is never stifled. barbara will encourage adam to be more brave and outgoing. adam will help barbara keep her temper or talk through things that frustrate her. they're so in love it's kinda gross.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Tonal Whiplash

Ok, y'all...the freaking NUMBER of things I've heard about this novella. I've heard that it's an adorable fluffy Christmas book. I've heard it's utter trash and should be skipped. How did nobody mention the goddamn tonal whiplash???

Also, as a gal raised in Alaska...I'm kind of not psyched about the elision of solstice and Christmas. Those are two different things. And then Feyre gets is mega super special because it's ALSO her birthday. I almost headdesked into oblivion over that, not gonna lie. Ok, enough intro, let's talk A Court of Frost and Starlight.

I guess I'll put my usual SPOILER WARNING here, but honestly? My TLDR is just skip this one, so do you where spoilers are concerned.

This is also going to be a rant review, so if you loved this book, I respectfully recommend that you give this review a pass. You're not going to have a good time.

So...there's an outside chance that the fact that I read A Court of Silver Flames before ACOFS colored how repetitive and flat this book felt, because with very few exceptions, all the Nessian stuff in this book is repeated information. Like...we got the fleshed-out scenes of Nesta at the party, and we are told that yes, Cassian knows about the drinking and the sex. But otherwise...this is just kind of unnecessary expansion on what we got in ACOSF. And it wasn't even SATISFYING because there was no resolution, there was just a deeply wounded Nesta and a bunch of people who can see there's a problem but who aren't helping--and in a lot of cases (glares in Rhys and Amren) are actively judging.

Also, I'm a grown-ass adult, and I have enough family awkwardness at holidays in real life, I SUPER DID NOT NEED IT in a romantasy series. I fully admit this is a me issue, so your mileage may vary. I also can't say that I didn't think Feyre and Rhys were pushing so hard for a happy solstice that it pole vaulted over the line of toxic positivity and weirdly toxic expectations. If I have to give Rhys the benefit of any doubt, I suppose yes, he might be dealing with some under the mountain trauma about, as Feyre thinks, whatever Amarantha did to him for almost 50 years, and probably trauma from literally dying at the end of the war with Hybern. But um...expecting the entire inner circle and their SO's and siblings to behave exactly how he wants them to for this holiday is STILL TOXIC. You kind of don't get to decide that YOU need EVERYONE ELSE to behave in or feel a specific way just so that you feel better. Az and Cass also do a little bit of this related to their own traumas, but Rhys is far an away the worse offender in this particular instance.

In a plot structure kind of way, I can see what the novella was trying to do. It's totally fair to say that people's experiences and trauma can and do color how they feel and behave and how they perceive and experience holidays. That's a valid thing to explore. And honestly, after ACOWAR, we needed some time for these characters to work through their experiences and trauma. Unfortunately, we kinda don't actually get that??? We just get this slice of life of traumatized toxicity at a massive holiday.

We do get a little bit of Feyre...figuring out her painting hangup and deciding to art therapy Velaris's kids, and again, in principle, this is a very valid thing to spend time and space exploring. The execution just...wasn't there for me. The weaver who made hope in the void was more interesting to me than Feyre's working through her trauma via creativity.

The Elain, Azriel, Lucien thing was...actively awkward and painful, which I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be, so Nailed It.

Mor had exactly one question about herself in this book and honestly nothing else to do. Talk about squandered character potential. At some point she actually needs to DEAL with her shit with Eris and her father (and by extension Az and Cass), but we just...aren't. So at this point deal with it or move on, and I don't care which.

The annual snowball fight was clearly supposed to be endearing and childlike. That might have landed a little better if Mor and Feyre weren't over here actively side-eying it, because I agreed with them that it was almost too stupid for words.

Also...Feyre remains a dick to Luciens. He is TELLING YOU THAT HE FEELS DISCONNECTED AND KICKED OUT, FEYRE, and you're over here going "omfg what even is this exiles bullshit?" This is also part of why Nesta is going to spend the whole next book building a girl squad that has nothing to do with the inner circle, because this attitude of "everything that ISN'T the inner circle is inherently lesser" is really high-handed and arrogant.

Add to that Rhys being an absolute dick to Tamlin while he's CLEARLY not ok and I'm not like...terribly sympathetic to the 500-year old high lord who was trained to lead judging a guy with no support for doing his best and fucking shit up. Rhys and Tamlin need to go to neutral corners and never contact again; that's just going to need to be the new status quo. The whole "protective male" bullshit has officially gone too far.

We did not need a full page around Amren disliking having to pee. I'm sorry, we just didn't.

So overall...I kind of wish I'd skipped this book. I got tonal whiplash, I got "oh god too real" about awkward family gatherings at holidays, and I got "holy shit, someone SEE that Nesta needs support," without real closure on any of it. The only closure we got was Feyre tying off the suriel's last words and flip flopping on whether or not she wants to be all barefoot and pregnant. I did not enjoy this book. I understand its utility, but the execution did not make the utility worthwhile in my opinion.