#i definitely made this way wAY too difficult for myself considering all the other deadlines i had along with this but idk just

[nooskadraws]

"mankind, be vigilant. i love you"

an illustration for a disco elysium fan music video project of sea power's 'cleaning out the rooms'

[vriskarlmarx]

this past year i sort of unexpectedly ended up writing regularly again, for the first time in years. i blame cassian andor's big wet baby cow eyes, but overall it's been a really fun hobby to take up again. i'm gonna do a little reflection on what i wrote in 2023 (fanfic-wise, i wrote some other stuff too but won't talk about it here).

putting this under a read more since it's mostly just for me to talk to myself, pulling a few questions i found interesting from other writers i follow who are doing this sort of thing (feel free to take the questions for yourself too!)

how many fics did you write in 2023? how many total words?

as it turns out, a total of 16, and it totaled out to 45.578 words. which is kind of lot considering that the last time i wrote fanfic was in 2019 and all 1000ish words felt like pulling teeth, and the time before that had been 2013. so i'm very happy with it!

what are you most proud of, fic-writing-wise in 2023?

a few different things:

being able to maintain a consistent rhythm and interest in writing

being able to connect my own feelings and experiences to those of different characters, which i think gave my writing some additional layers

experimenting with a few different structures (i get bored just writing a standard linear narrative sometimes, i think)

putting more actual thought into character/plot/theme analysis. i think writing fanfic made me engage with the things i was watching/reading in a different way

what fic meant the most to you to write?

definitely No Return Address. it was a pinch hit for yuletide but it hit me like a baseball bat, it ended up being crazy personal and the feedback has been better than anything i could've hoped for. i could talk for a very long time about everything that fic means to me personally, but i think it might honestly come through in the fic itself.

what is a fic you didn't expect to write?

so either Bitter Fruits or Hostia, but for different reasons.

with Bitter Fruits, i was just suddenly and unexpectedly overcome with inspiration from a fanart that is honestly completely unrelated to the premise i ended up going with, and i wrote it in like 2 or 3 days like a daze. and it was sooo much fun to write, honestly.

with Hostia, it is what happens when you sign up to an exchange, see a ship in the tagset that you find kind of curious so you put it in your offers and unexpectedly match on it, so you gotta step up to it. i definitely did not really expect for it to end with oral sex on a pomegranate but hey when life gives you lemons. or pomegranates. whatever.

what is something you learned about yourself while writing this year?

that deadlines are sooo magical, even if they're mostly in my head. exchanges were super helpful to keep me writing, because i knew they had a time and date to be done by! Late Harvest 100% only got finished and posted because of WDLF.

the other thing is that changing the place/mode of writing really helps me. i found out that switching between handwriting in a notebook and then copying that into a google doc, then continuing to write on the doc was the best way to keep myself going and unblock my head whenever i felt stuck. ditto going to write in different places, like coffee shops or other spots.

and lastly, having written fanfiction really helped my other writing in some other aspects. i think other things i've written are more creative, flow better and are more literary/beautiful/interating to read than before, and i love that it's had that effect on my other writing.

what fic was the most difficult to write?

Conventional Weapons, which i ended up really liking in the end. but i had to fully re-start that one, because a few different things happened in my life that ended up making it a much more personal fic to write than i had anticpated, so i had to switch POV characters at one point because i wasn't going to be able to do it from Roy's POV anymore. it's an interesting pairing to begin with, with a ton of baggage, and at times i felt like i had written myself into a corner, or had to put it down because i was thinking about personal stuff and getting really upset. still, i'm happy with how it turned out!

what fic was the most fun to write?

petite mort. writing L as a weird necro freak who gets turned on by dying was hilarious and incredibly fun.

what are you looking forward to in 2024, in terms of fanfic writing?

i look forward to continuing to write consistently, and am thinking about a couple of ideas that i want to get around to writing! i think i will also try to write things without deadlines and see if i can get them done anyways, now that i have more of a rhythm going :) but there are also a few exchanges i'm excited to do.

[tim-mcnamara]

My Rust Nation 2024

I've finally had a chance to pause after getting back from London. An immeasurable thank you to Ernest Kissiedu for the invitation to present.

Because I suck at selfies, but selfies are extremely popular, here is a selfie of me not looking at the camera:

A real business

Seeing my logo next to many others definitely made me take a breath and realise that I have created something meaningful. So many people have supported Tim Clicks, via financial contributions and positive messages during difficult times.

For people who have been following me for a while will know that my Rust consultancy, Accelerant, is less than a year old.

I decided to use the flagship Tim Clicks brand as the logo and it looks amazing. The branding work for Tim Clicks is all done by John at Underscorefunk Design and I recommend them wherever I can.

The conference began for me before the conference

If you're interested in podcasts, you should consider listening to the recording of the Twitter Space that I recorded with Ernest in the lead up to the event. It was wonderful to have the opportunity to chat about Rust and the opportunity that Rust offers the world:

Four talks in a week (including a full day workshop)

Rust London

Giving an impromptu lightning talk at Rust London was a fun highlight. I was able to rehearse a few lines from my talk, which was a nice bonus.

Rust in Enterprise workshop

I wasn't too sure what to expect when Ernest pitched the idea of hosting a workshop for the conference. I was already quite busy and overworked. In the end, it was a really incredible day.

Photo: Rust Nation via LinkedIn.

Talk: Unwrapping Unsafe

I spent weeks on this. Possibly more than 100 hours of research. After all of that time though, I decided to change the focus of talk radically to focus on explaining unsafe for the audience. It's strange to see that condensed down to 30 minutes or so. But there's bound to be another talk or two on this topic in the future.

Talk: 4 levels of error handling in Rust

Unfortunately, a speaker had to pull out. I offered to step in and am quite happy with the result.

The conversations are the best part

The talks are amazing, but the best part of a tech conference is the ability to shake hands. It was also really wonderful to connect with many people who I have only met online.

Possibly one of the most exciting points was to agree to start a partnership with Ben Wishovich, co-maintainer of Leptos, to provide full stack web development to clients.

Reflecting on a year

[Content warning: mental illness]

Flying home, I spent lots of time writing in my diary. Lots of that time spent coming back to my guilt at missing many deadlines for projects, such as my in-progress courses, which are very late. Suicidal thoughts have been a near-constant part of my background noise as an adult, and that background noise is much louder when I only have my own head to listen to.

Travel also imposes a large cost on my kids. I am almost constantly worried about my impact that my trips have on my girls. But I also know that we have lots of wonderful time together. I tend to work from home most the the time as well, which means that I get to spend more time with them than most Dads.

Connecting with me

I want to keep the discussions going, whether that means helping you with Rust or something else. Here are a few links:

Join my Discord server, CLICKS LOUNGE. This is the best way to keep a conversation going.

Find me on LinkedIn. If you would like to add me as a connection though, please send me a note rather than sending an anonymous request.

Support me on Patreon.

At some point, I would like to expand this into a fuller post but I've promised myself to time-box this one and make progress on some other tasks.

Wishing you all the best!

[felassan]

Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source] 

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok.  What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important.  They're like sets in a play.  (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source]  Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source]  There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars]  except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves. [source]

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

[seraphdarlimg]

wish I were (pt2)

 harry acts like everything is good and dandy but reader sees Heather wearing the sweater

part 1 here

‘heather’ by conan gray WARNINGS - ANGST WORD COUNT - 1,892

A/N: hehe because it was december 3rd, I just had to get this chapter done to post even if it might be a little late but here ya go 

____________________________________________________________

      My guitar rested on my thigh as i brought my head down to lay on the fret, staring at the blank piece of lined paper in front of me. I sighed, turning my head away and just bathed in the silence of the separate room from the main studio. The weight on my chest might of suggested the frustration out of my creative block, unable to produce words or lyrics for the past weeks. Or that I was progressively losing the will to even pick up an instrument, as strumming the strings took a lot of energy for me to do. 

The oversized hoodie I brought kept me warm, but i knew that wasn't satisfying enough. However the idea of wearing one of his hoodies I've place in a closed box in the corner of my apartment hurt too much and that now I'm back in the studio after weeks of trying to avoid coming here at all costs. After the New Year's party, I've done nothing but wallow up in my apartment alone, trying to come up with songs as quickly as possible just so I could get this project done and over with. That proved to be difficult however, especially with Harry trying to call on a normal basis.

  "Helllooo bubs, why haven't you been showing up at the studio eh?" "You said at the beginning of this project that I could work at home whenever I want. I'm just taking you up on that offer." "Of course, you'd remember me sayin' that. How've you been love, haven't seen you in a while though." "Fine, just been doing my job." "Well yeah, can't write all these lovely songs without your talent, can I? You gonna come in tomorrow then?" 

I hesitated for a second, biting my tongue when I felt my eyes pool up again. "I'll just send a pdf of lyrics to you Harry." "O-oh. Well that would conventionally work... yes but you have to come in tomorrow though." "Why? Just text me what you like and don't like about the verses and I'll fix them." "Bubs you know how I feel about in person collaboration. Plus the deadlines are coming up and it'll be easier and faster to have you in the studio." "Okay." He hesitates this time and I could see his brows furrowed together as well as having a hand on his hip. Most likely wearing lose sweats and the knitted cardigan he's been falling in love with over the months. His hair a bit longer than it was last time I saw him and his pink lips quirked to the side in thought. Maybe the bags under his eyes are gone, has been looking more happier lately. More happier than I could of made him to be over the months. "Are you okay?" "I have to go Harry, I'll see you tomorrow." "Oh see yo-"

      He was the first one to greet me when I arrived, and I wanted nothing more than to burst out sobbing when I see his smile. It took everything not to do so, giving him a tight lip smile and quick side hug before sitting down farthest away from him. For the first hour and a half of discussion, I didn't say much and zoned off a lot, tuning in and out of the conversation Harry leaded about a song he had written recently. I felt his glances on me when I turned away, probably sensing my unwillingness to comment so he was considerate enough to not put me under the spotlight in the discussion. In the middle of it, Harry's phone started ringing and he didn't waste a second to excuse himself to answer it. "Hello? Oh hey darling, you almost here?" I froze when he grows a cheesy smile on his face as he walks further to the other side of the studio before telling us to continue without him. I took a deep breathe, not mentally prepared to be in the same room as her. Has she always been coming to the studio or did I just choose to worse day to finally come in? I try to focus doodling in my little notebook, but it grew harder and harder to focus on anything else but the way he crosses his arms and laughs while on the phone with her. From the corner of my eye, it was definite he's completely captivated just hearing her voice and I could just picture the angelic tone of it. I didn't realize I was tapping my pencil till I hear Sarah calling out my name, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay, haven't seen you in a while." I nodded, putting on a smile. "Yeah sorry, been getting a lot of work opportunities and just a bunch of family stuff that's exhausted me." Sarah gives me a look that resembles one of a mother who knows their child isn't telling the full truth, but she nods and pats my hand. "Completely understandable. But that's exciting, new artists been reaching out to you n' all that?" "Ha surprisingly, considering saying yes to all of them." my smile was growing genuine a little, thinking about how content I was with my career. Being a lyricist and songwriter was a definite risky path to take in terms of stability, but it made me happier knowing I was able to to do. "Oh of course, you can totally do it. Probably wanted to see what all the hype was about when Harry couldn't stop talking about you at every social gathering he's been at." Sarah chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully. "Yeah?" I quickly looked down, feeling my eyes water as the pang in my chest came back. "Mhmm, acts like Thomas and Mitch don't even exist." I laugh lightly at that, fiddling with my fingers as I focused down on my notebook. I found myself in an awkward situation, not knowing how to continue the conversation but knowing I didn't want to try. I love Sarah, but I was close to break down right there if I tried and it was not the place to do so. Not when everyone is trying to meet deadlines and Harry was about to walk in with Heather at any moment. "Hey, I actually have a lot of emails to respond to so I'm gonna be in the other room." I stood up, taking a guitar and my notebook. "Might actually be better for me to focus in." "Sure, we'll let Harry know." I gave her a grateful smile, walking out into the hallway to a different room. I let out another shaky breath, feeling overwhelmed once I was finally alone. But before I could close the door, I hear her. I peak out to see both her and Harry standing at the entrance of the building, huddled close together. "Sorry I forget it gets this cold in LA sometimes." She says, looking up at him while he rubs the sleeves of his sweater that was wrapped perfectly around her. It was a simple orange stripped sweater. A vintage that Harry bought in Vienna and became one of his favorites. It was just a simple polyester sweater, but it became my favorite too. So it was hard to give it back after wearing it that night we kissed, but fuck was it harder to see her wearing it. Now as I sit alone with no sense of motivation to do anything else but wallow in my own pity I thought about a lot of things. I should be angry, be fuming and cursing at Harry for how he's been acting. I should confront him, make him feel as hurt as he made me for choosing her. Or maybe I should hate Heather, despise her for taking the chance I had with him. But deep down I know I couldn't hate Heather. She's such an angel, it wasn't her fault he's still hung up on her. And as much as the image of his arm wrapped around her kills me, I couldn't hate him either for the same reason. She looked prettier in his sweater than I did. "You okay in here bubs?" As if the tears welling up in my eyes and heavy weight on my chest wasn't enough, the sound of knuckles against the door and his voice calling out my name made me almost sob. "Yeah, I'm good. Door's open." I quickly try to compose myself when he enters the room, giving me that warming smile of his. "Just wanted to check up on ya, been quiet since you got here." Harry looks at me with concerning eyes as he places a hand on my shoulder before crossing his arms and leaning against the wall in front of me. Keep your hand on my shoulder, the second it was there all the nerves went away. I wanted to say but instead I fake a smile again, waving it off and shrugging. "Oh no, just have a lot on my plate don't worry." He nods, feeling his eyes on me while I try to avoid his by opening my laptop and skimming through my inbox. "Sarah told me about different singers reaching out to you." He points at my laptop before taking a seat on the chair to the side. I nodded, humming while I typed out quick responses. "Yup, thanks by the way but now I gotta sort out a whole schedule for this year." I took a glance up to see him focused on my song journal on the table in front of us.

“So...you and Heather huh?” The sheepish smile he has tugs my heart strings but I tried to keep from fumbling with my fingers.

“Yeah uhh...” He scratches the back of his neck, keeping his eyes on his hands and looking like a young kid with a crush. “Started talking again and catching up, been working out stuff between us since the party.”

I tilt my head to the side, motioning him to continue. “She’s gorgeous...”

“She’s amazing.”

I finally looked away from him and onto my screen, letting out a little chuckle. 

“So you guys are back together?”

“No no, we’re just sort of figuring things out at the moment.” Though it was an answer I was hoping for, the look in his face was none the less comforting. 

“Well, hope everything goes great. You guys look perfect together.” I managed to say, going back to typing while he only responds with a nod and hum.

There was silence. Does he not feel it too? Uncomfortable silence was never a thing between us but it was prevalent here. "Not gonna leave early are you though?" He says out of no where and I stopped typing for a sec to give my attention to him. "Not going to ditch me for someone else of course." He says it with a laugh, playing it off like an obvious joke... but the way he looked at me. Part of me wanted to scream at how oblivious and selfish that statement sounded coming from him, as if he has no idea the drastic shift our relationship has taken. But I see the vulnerability in his eyes, sensing the subtext in his question that is practically asking me to stay. Stick by his side and help finish this passion project he's dedicated to put out, not only for his fans but for himself. Be with him to figure out what to do next, even if I would be in a different county or continent and working with someone else. Keep in touch throughout because I've become an important person in his life. Even if that person who used to fill that spot came back, he's still here and asking me to stay with him in a similar sense. It wasn't the kind of love I wanted, but never the less, it was still love from Harry. Did the smile I wear at that moment reach my eyes? When I placed my hand on top of his in reassurance, was the hesitance obvious? Maybe he did notice the little signs, but he took my hand in his anyways and placed it against his heart. 

"Of course, 'm always gonna here Harry."

____________________________________________________________

part 3

A/N: guys my heart hurts writing this lol. There’s gonna be one or two more parts of this series, but thank you for reading! feedback is appreciated :)

[kinetic-elaboration]

100 Days of Writing: Day Sixty-Three

I decided to catch up on The 100 Days of Writing and then I... accidentally wrote a large number of words. In my defense, this is like 2 weeks’ worth of questions. Also I skipped the ones I didn’t have anything to say about so actually this could be worse.

(I’m not even kidding, this is really long. I talk about writing rituals, tools for plotting, my thoughts on opening with dialogue and why I don’t like it, my favorite topics, the weather, and what length of fic I like to write.)

I’m tagging, and apologizing to, @the-wip-project and fellow participants @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold, @thelittlefanpire, @hopskipaway, @easilydistractedbyfanfic, @dylanobrienisbatman, and @fontainebleau22.

*

Day 49: How do you get yourself in the mood to write? Do you have a ritual?

Every time I tell myself I’m going to get back into doing these questions, I see this one in my bookmarks and go nope! and turn around. It’s not a hard question; I’ve just been having trouble consistently getting into the mood to write, so I feel like any answer I try to give to it will be, in some sense, a lie. Like do I ever get “in the mood” to write? Really?? Also, I feel like I’m relying too much on ‘ritual,��� building up ‘the perfect writing situation’ in my head, which at the end of the day is less important than just saying ‘I’m going to do this now’ and then doing it.

I do have some things I always do when I sit down to a writing session. I write on my couch. Almost always (unless I’m on an event deadline where I just have to write in bits and pieces whenever possible), I write in sprints—I use write or die to keep me actually typing and not staring into space. I write in order, and I often write a whole scene at a time. So before I start I need to have at least a couple solid opening sentences in mind, plus some kind of idea about what happens/needs to happen in the scene. In order to get in the right headspace, I usually spend some time just thinking before I actually get to writing. I reread my outline or notes, and skim whatever I might have already written on the project. Sometimes I look at images that help me get in the right mood. Sometimes I just imagine or daydream for a bit. The difficulty, especially recently, is in making sure I do this just enough and not too much, because then I get too caught up in my head and I can no longer translate what I’m seeing into words.

In a broader sense, I also have a building up to writing ritual—again, I think this is part of my problem, that I don’t know how to balance this build up with actual writing. In the hours/days before writing something, I turn it over in my head a lot. I practice different versions of those critical opening sentences. I play it out like a fantasy just to see if there’s a possible flow, even if the final version is different. Basically, I try to turn it into something that just needs to be written, that just needs to get out. But again—this can lead to overthinking and frustration.

The best way I can describe writing for me is that, when it goes well, I find a rhythm, or enter into a zone, where I can describe the images in my head in a way that’s both accurate and pleasant to read. But entering that zone or finding that rhythm is like jumping into a game of jump rope. If you don’t do it right, you’re just going to trip over your feet and get tangled in the rope. But if you do it correctly, it’s fun and exhilarating and you can keep jumping for a long time. Sometimes it takes me some false starts to jump in. And recently I’ve been having days where I just can’t at all, where I tangle the rope up so much I can’t unknot it. Those are the days I just have the same sentences repeating over and over in my head, sounding wrong, and I can’t do anything about it. On the other hand, I write in much longer sprints than I did a couple years ago. I used to only write partial scenes, maybe a few hundred words. Now I can write whole scenes without stopping, and on a few occasions, I’ve written multiple scenes or even whole stories without stopping. So in other words, when it works,  it really works. But it doesn’t always, and there’s not a lot of in between.

*

Day 50 What fic/story made you?

Um… honestly I’ve been writing, in general and fic specifically, for such a long time that I didn’t have a ‘maybe I can do this’ moment. I mean one problem I’ve never had is thinking I can’t do this. I had positive reinforcement for my school and academic writing, and for a long time my fictional stories were just for me, and I knew what I liked. Even just thinking about my fic writing… I’ve been posting fic online since 2006, and I’ve been in multiple fandoms. I don’t really have much connection to a lot of those early stories anymore. They feel like they were written by someone else, a little. I’ve also moved on from most of the fandoms I wrote for in my early fic days so I don’t feel like I can really judge them anymore.

That said… there is kinda an obvious answer for my Star Trek fic lol. I also have favorite stories, and stories that stick out even years after I wrote them, in all (or at least most) of the fandoms I’ve been in. But I’m not sure if that’s the same.

Also, I had two teachers who were really encouraging of me and who I still think about often. One was my seventh grade English teacher, who had us do a lot of writing exercises of various types, both large and small, including keeping writing journals we wrote in every day at the start of class. He once told my mom that I wrote well, not for a seventh grader, but in general, and to be honest I still think of that with some regularity and take a lot of pride and comfort in it. The other was my creative writing professor in college. I don’t think I did my best work for that class, but she was very encouraging and seemed to like what I did. At the end of the semester, as I was preparing my portfolio, she told me that if I didn’t want to do much editing, I didn’t have to, because my unedited work would stand on its own. Again, especially considering all the problems that I saw with my writing for that class even then, I really took that comment to heart. When I’m feeling very self-critical, I remind myself that even my raw scribblings have, perhaps, something to them, and it helps ease the excessive and unwarranted pressure I put on myself. These aren’t really stories about specific writing pieces that ‘made’ me but I do think they speak to that ‘maybe I can do this’ feeling.

*

Day 51: Do you use tools for plotting and what are they?

So, generally, no. Sometimes I’ll look at various writing/plotting/organizational tools as a method of distraction, but my actual process is very simple. I use plain old notebooks and pens, and word documents on my computer, to plan all my fics, from the one-shots to the multi-chapters. I start by writing down general thoughts and brainstorming, then I build a scene list and/or outline, and then, if necessary, I separate the scenes lists into chapters. Sometimes I break down the scenes even more, if I have additional ideas I don’t wan to forget or if I know I need to hit certain points in a specific scene. The process varies a little bit from project to project, but that’s basically all I do.

I did use Evernote to plan the (still unwritten….) Ark AU. I don’t know if that was the best program choice or if something else exists that would have more precisely met my needs. But that’s what I used and that’s how it is. It’s a little annoying that every time I open it, it’s been updated, and the interface looks totally different and I have to relearn where everything is. But the tagging system has worked decently to allow me to see the big picture of this complex, multi-strand, multi-character, multi-ship disaster epic of a story. I struggled to plot it for a long time because I didn’t know how to balance all of the different parts. In Evernote, I made one ‘note’ for each character, and one for each scene (in addition to miscellaneous notes about sub plots, relationships, questions, etc.). Then I tagged each of them, including tagging the scenes by chapter. So now I can look at a list of all the characters, or all the scenes, or all of the scenes in chapter 8, or whatever, but I can also look at just one particular note at a time, and not be distracted by anything else. That said, I do also have one note that is just a total scene list for the whole fic, which is pretty reminiscent of my usual outlining process.

So… somehow this helped me plot (tentatively) the whole thing, but as I’ve written almost none of it—I finished outlining this in February 2020 so in my defense… I think you can see why it stalled—I’m not yet sure if it was a successful experiment in a ‘plotting tool.’

*

Day 60: How do you start your chapters? Do you start with dialogue? Why or why not?

While I am definitely against prescriptive “writing rues” generally, as my own personal rule, I try not to start with dialogue unless I have a very good reason.

To be quite honest, I think it’s lazy. I do think that dialogue openings can be used well, if the writer acknowledges that they are intensely stylistic and, from a reader’s perspective, quite difficult. Even within fanfiction, where a line of dialogue (especially if accompanied by a dialogue tag or swiftly followed by a reference to the speaker) gives a lot more information to the reader than in original fiction, opening with dialogue still shoves the reader directly into the deep end of the scene, with very little to orient her. WHERE is the speaker? WHO is being addressed in the dialogue? WHAT is the context of the conversation? Who ELSE might be present in the scene?

There are reasons you might want to throw the reader in the aforementioned deep-end. Maybe it’s an in media res situation and you want to emphasize the overwhelming nature of the action—starting a scene with “Get down!” for example. Or maybe the overall mood is one of disorientation or floating or uncertainty, and you want to create the same effect in the reader.

But I think if you’re starting a scene with dialogue because that’s the first thing that comes to mind for you—the person who conveniently already has the setting, character list, and even future plot already in mind—and it’s just simplest and easiest to start that way, you’re doing a disservice to the reader.

For example, I actually am planning to start the next chapter of the Sleeping Beauty AU with dialogue. My POV character is in a room with multiple other characters, and she’s examining something meaningful to her and not fully listening to the conversation around her. So I want the dialogue to float around in the background, to feel unmoored, and to stand in contrast to the very precise, detailed thoughts and memories that she’s experiencing, which are grounded in physical sensations like touch.

I haven’t quite gotten it to work yet, though, in part because opening with dialogue and doing it well is, in my opinion, quite hard. The difficulty lies in alleviating the challenges the reader is experiencing and making the text fluid and easy to picture. You need to get all of that scene-setting information—the who, what, when, where, and why—in very quickly, but without being jarring. In this scene in particular, I have multiple characters, all in a comparatively unusual location, and I need to establish where they are, who exactly is there, how they’ve come to meet my POV character (which happens ‘off screen’ between the end of Ch5 and the beginning of Ch6), all on top of the character’s thoughts and feelings.

I know all of this very well. To picture the scene in my own head takes only a moment. I just think about it and I see all seven of the characters, where they’re sitting, how they’re positioned, what their facial expressions are, and I also know roughly what each of them is thinking and feeling. To describe all of this in words would take several sentences. Do I put all those sentences on the front end? Do I weave them in among other description and dialogue? Is all of it even necessary—maybe we don’t need to know who’s sitting in what order on the couch, for example.

I’ve gone over a couple of different ways to do this in my head, and I’m sure it is possible, but I’m struggling to get it all down in a coherent way. (Admittedly, I’ve only made one solid attempt. As I was describing above, I’m probably going to jump in with several false starts, and then it will suddenly click.)

My initial attempt to set up the scene relied heavily on dialogue, but when I read it over, what sounded snappy and interesting in my head just fell completely flat—because it lacked context and thus, any meaning. I think the gulf between how dialogue openings feel to the writer and how they feel to the reader is large. To the writer, they feel easy and natural. To the reader, they can feel forced and, contrary to the writer’s intention, serve as an additional reminder that this is a constructed narrative rather than an immersive experience—the opposite of natural. In other words, as I said, they’re a highly stylized form of writing.

To illustrate, this was my first try at the Chapter 6 intro:

"I still can't believe it," a lightly awed voice says from somewhere behind Clarke. "The Princess of Alpha Station really used to live in our quarters.”

She pictures Miller, sunk into the couch cushions, slowly shaking his head, the expression on his face equal parts satisfied and amused.

"Really? That's what you think is the oddest part of all this?"

"Yeah, Bry, I do. Would you prefer I gloat? About being right this whole time? Who says she's just a legend now?"

My current idea is to still start with dialogue, but to move back into a significant amount of description pretty immediately afterward, and only then add more dialogue. Even this is a little hazy, since I haven’t thought much about this fic in a while. But I do think it’s quite clear this won’t work.

As for how I DO start chapters/scenes/stories… I like to start with a strong image that sets the scene and mood of the story, and hopefully leaves the reader wanting to know more. Here are some examples of story openings I’ve written recently, which I like a lot:

When Bellamy is angered, deafening bouts of thunder shake the heavens.

The cawing of the crows—high, sharp, angry shots of sound. The buzzing of the telephone wires.

Marcus Kane's body shows up again in June, skeletal and rotting, six months after his disappearance at the turn of the year.

The sky has turned a bruised yellow, like the inside of a plum, by the time Bellamy starts seeing the robots in the fields.

At noon on the third-to-last day before Christmas, Murphy leaves the cafe, with a single peppermint mocha and a small paper bag, and heads right, walking parallel to the ocean.

The last one doesn’t seem as interesting but consider: you get the who, what, when, and where, the mystery of the paper bag and where he might be going, and also the immediate understanding that this is probably going to be a Fluffy Beach Christmas story—which is correct, that’s exactly what it is.

I’m not saying that I’m always creative or unique. I often start stories off with descriptions of the weather. And I have committed the ~~cardinal sin~~ of starting with a character waking up, heaven forbid. I don’t have any hard and fast rules for myself other than that I try to avoid dialogue, or at least, be careful about its use (another example: I use dialogue to start off Mad Women—but it reads like narration, until it’s rudely interrupted, a sort of in-joke/reference/twist). I try to match the mood of the story and, as I said, include something that will create a question for the reader, some version of why, that the rest of the story will answer.

*

Day 61: Do you describe the weather? Try changing a scene you wrote by adding weather effects.

After writing a book for the last question, here’s an easy one! Yes, I describe the weather. A lot. Often. In detail.

(Though if we’re talking about the Sleeping Beauty AU as my “current wip,” I actually don’t do much weather describing there, because 4 of the 6 chapters take place in a location with no weather.)

 *

Day 62: What is your favorite thing to write about?

Honestly I like to write about people being dramatic about their emotions. That’s what I’ve discovered while writing my surprisingly self-indulgent Troped fic: I want to describe people acting as if Everything was the Most Ever. It’s fun. Part of this is getting into the usual romantic tropes—longing, pining, exaggerated touches and glances and the like—but why stop at romance when you also have stuff like The Weather and Random Feelings to contemplate?

I also like setting scenes that I find soothing, which is part of why I like Seasonal Stories.

 *

Day 63: Are you more of a drabble/flash or a longfic/novel kind of writer?

I’m in the middle. I mostly write one-shots, and I’ve noticed that a lot of them fall in the 4-6k range. Long one-shots can get all the way to 10-12k but I feel like most of those are, semi-objectively speaking, too long, and would probably have been stronger if they were pruned down to 6k, or, better yet, never made it past 6k in the first place.

I have written some multi-chapters, or, uh, started multi-chapters, but I’m VERY bad at it. The only thing that makes me slightly less bad is being stubborn. Hence the existence of a WIP that I’ve had going for over 10 years now and refuse to call abandoned. Hence this year’s extended angst about the Sleeping Beauty AU, which is only 6 chapters but has taken me literally years to write. I don’t honestly know if I’ve ever finished a multi-chapter WIP, like, properly speaking. I’ve done some short multi-chapters that I wrote as if they were one-shots and then split up for ease of reading or, I dunno, just because. I wrote a Big Bang once, but it’s not very good. Nor very long, if I remember correctly. Generally speaking I probably shouldn’t be allowed to write novels lol—I have a lot of them in my ‘I should write this one day’ idea list—but as it so happens, no one can stop me, so here we are. I definitely have wild fantasies of writing multi-chapters with ease but I’m just a very slow writer and my ideas can’t keep up with my actual-writing. Thus one shots are much easier than multi-chaps, and one-shots on a deadline are much easier than ‘I’ll finish this whenever’ one-shots. One-shots written for events or exchanges also tend to be shorter (and, imo, better) because of the deadlines they’re written on, and are thus more likely to hit that sweet 4-6k spot than stories where I’m allowed to ramble at will.

All that said, I ALSO write a good number of drabbles/writing exercises. I used to write them more often than I do now, but still over the last five years I’ve produced 110,000+ words in free-standing scenes so like… that’s also a thing I guess.

[luminous-studiess]

Hi. :) You said that you're trying to consciously make studying enjoyable and productive. Do you think you can tell us what you're doing exactly? Thank you. ❤️ Hope your day is fantastic and productive.

OHHH thank you for asking this, i’ve been wanting to share this for a while. i think @studyimpression asked this too a while back, and i wasn’t able to answer. long post ahead!  HOW I MAKE STUDYING ENJOYABLE AND PRODUCTIVE: SECOND HALF OF 2020/QUARANTINE EDITION i’ve mentioned this briefly here, and i still stand by a lot of these tips, mostly because this is my general baseline for what i consider ‘enjoyable’ and ‘comfortable’. but i do think i can expand on these especially in terms of productivity. what i’ve discovered, and what has helped me get things done is knowing that studying is not an inherently comfortable or easy thing to do. and knowing this already makes you manage your expectations about what you need to do, and how much hard work needs to be put in. however, there are things you can do to make the workload manageable and the process less difficult.  1. TRY TO MAKE YOUR STUDY HOURS/SPACE AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE: A “HAPPY/PRODUCTIVE” ROUTINE this does not mean that you need your own, personal workspace (although that would be a bonus) or anything particularly fancy. things are not productivity, and as long as you have the proper learning resources, you have it in you to succeed.  however, i do think it really helped me to start to associate studying with some level of peace and focus by setting a routine which made me start to associate getting productive with a little peace and pleasure. as i’ve mentioned in my other posts, my favorite thing to do lately is to get up early, do a quick freshening up, and to pretend my dining room is a small cafe by making myself an iced coffee and turning on some jazz music. it’s nothing expensive or overly fancy (in fact that whole kilogram of coffee is like... less than 10 dollars), but it allows me to pretend that i’m in a starbucks, and it feels unbelievably peaceful while i start studying. that helps me get going at a very early hour, and this routine makes me excited to get up and start working. personally i think it’s a very good way of treating yourself while being incredibly disciplined. after doing this lately, i feel as if i’ve been more responsible and accountable, but i also feel peaceful and not overworked!   however, this also means: 2. KNOWING WHAT HOURS YOU ARE MOST PRODUCTIVE AT + SETTING A DEFINITE AMOUNT OF WORK HOURS PER DAY i don’t have classes yet, so i have a little freedom to decide when i’ll start working. however, i do have an urgent deadline to finish before classes, so i’m forced to do a lot of work during very unstructured days. that’s why it helped to (a) EVALUATE WHAT TIMES OF THE DAY I FEEL MOST FOCUSED and (b) to track the number of hours i work. so on point (a): studying is not comfortable. it’s actually very tiring. and it helps to see when your body feels the most energy to be able to focus for several hours at a time, doing intensive tasks. i recommend that you try different times in the day to finish something you need to do with complete focus (more on that later), and see at what time your body naturally responds/feels focused. well... this doesn’t apply if you have online classes, and are forced to sit at set times, but this helps for the times when you have to do independent work/homework/revision.

from personal experience, i work best from 7 am to about 10 am. then my body tends to go into a slump until late afternoon and before 12 am. it’s different for everyone, and you really have to listen to your body. (b): it’s inevitable that you have to dedicate many hours to get good results. i really recommend setting a minimum number of hours per day as a quota/the bare minimum. you don’t have to do them all in one go! maybe you might do the pomodoro method and spread these hours out, but it helps to have a baseline for what you consider productive. (mine is four minimum). use a timer or a productivity app like forest. count your hours. set goals within those hours (like assignments that need to get finished), then take a break after. you’ll feel so proud of yourself, i promise. 3. FOCUS AND DISCIPLINE: FOCUS IS A MUSCLE YOU HAVE TO EXERCISE AND STRENGTHEN this is not naturally enjoyable, but it makes you productive, and is a skill that needs practice. i also have a poor attention span, so this is something i had to work on! i thought i was naturally lazy, but this all changed when a friend told me “hey. focus is a muscle. it needs to be worked out regularly”. so slowly, i realized that i had to put a lot of work and effort into focusing on one task at a time, and ignoring all distractions. again, this wasn’t easy; i had to use apps like forest to lock myself out of my ipad so i wouldnt goof around on social media/games. but once i started to get used to being disciplined about getting work done every day, and finishing certain tasks, it became even easier to focus on what needed to be done. it really isn’t perfect yet, but i do find that concentrating on one task keeps me in a “focus” mode, and helps me to get things done much more easily and even calmly.  however, if there are days you can’t focus. acknowledge that. rest first, then go back to work. 4. MAKING CHECKLISTS OF EVERYTHING/PLANNING i would consider myself a very carefree person and used to hate planning. but once i started writing everything down, scheduling on calendars, and making lists, i became less afraid of what i needed to do, because i could visualize what was due, and how much time it takes to break down huge tasks into smaller, more manageable deadlines. i would recommend using a notebook or a program (like Notion! it has a free premium plan for students.) to map out all the things you need to do. it also helps to break down tasks into subtasks, so that even if you do a little, you can still check it off and feel less overwhelmed. put your deadlines on google calendar immediately, and set aside a little time at the start of your workday to see and write down what needs to get done, and what you WANT to get done.  this also helps in lessening the time i became anxious about making decisions re: what i needed to do! forming processes which made my studying easier made me much less scared of starting 5. EVALUATE YOUR DAY: BEING MINDFUL, BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED as i get ready for bed, i like to run by my lists and check what i’ve finished, what i haven’t gotten done, what needs to get done. i also ask myself what i did well that day, and what didn’t go so well. this isn’t harsh self-critique! it just helps to know how i can make my next study day more efficient AND enjoyable (sometimes i just end up looking for nice playlists for studying....) 6. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS!!!! it’s easy to worry about doing things wrong, especially now, when so much of our learning is self-guided. But as long as you’re doing the work, being disciplined and accountable, but also gentle with yourself, then you don’t need to worry about the tiniest details. DO YOUR BEST, AND MOVE ON. <3 7. FINALLY: NEVER ASSUME THE WORK IS EASY, AND NEVER ASSUME THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.  we tend to underestimate or overestimate what needs to get done, and that gets in the way of being productive. we become scared or lazy or overwhelmed, and it makes it hard to move! know that learning is very very difficult, but putting in the work and accomplishing something is beautiful, and that it is a PROCESS. and always know that you are capable of great things if you have the discipline and the grit. i hope that helps. don’t forget to take many breaks and do the things you love. intense work is meaningless without equally intense rest. please take care, and stay safe!!! -- sam <3 

[skyler-bane]

I. Leaving

Up went the sun. All the trees, sidewalks, and cars’ roofs seemed even brighter, still glistening with yesterday’s rain. Another warm morning in New York has just welcomed the residents. But would it be absolutely normal for everyone? Would an undisturbed daily routine be meant for everyone today?

 The walls turned painfully white as the first sunrays peered through the window – now one could also notice how empty they looked; no pictures or photographs, but minimalistic interiors had been pretty common for such a long time it wouldn’t make anyone question the owner’s taste. A large sofa had been waiting for so long to welcome any guests if they ever visited this place, there was a desk, along with some blue rug that looked exceptionally soft. A few shelves with books and CDs on them. Nothing more. No item found on the desk looked strange either and yet, it still didn’t seem to belong to a regular citizen, somehow. If one wanted to know why this room looked rather out of ordinary, the answer could be a couple of weird devices nobody but their owner knew what they were for.

And there he was; having fallen asleep so gracefully, with his cheek pressed against the keyboard, Skyler Bane had proudly managed to get his 4-or-so hours of sleep. Feeling how bad his back hurt, he let out a sigh and tried to make his position a bit more comfortable, slowly getting used to the brightness too. “Well, haven’t you mastered this trick…”, he muttered, blinking fast – still too much sun. But coffee wasn’t going to make itself and magically appear on the desk with a lovely “Drink Me” label… At least Skyler’s last commission wasn’t going to bother him anymore and could be classified as finished, a few days before the deadline. This should bring that… low quality sleep to an end, and hopefully the whites of Skyler’s eyes, along with his transparent and disturbingly grayish tone of skin would stop screaming ‘workaholic’. He finally managed to raise himself from the chair and head straight to the kitchen, where he looked outside the window. New York, how could these all people be so awake, smiling, and full of energy?

Skyler had moved to New York so many years ago, he couldn’t even imagine living in any other city now and every single time he actually tried to envision this move, that imaginary city looked… just like NYC. And 'moved'…? No, not really. He’d been brought to this city by his parents, straight from London where he’d spent his first 6 years of life. Not long enough for any strong bonds or friendships to be missed once they crossed the Manhattan Bridge, yet long enough to say his situation was rather difficult and… unappealing. No child would like to find themselves so far from their parents after all, not even with the loveliest grandparents as their new companions and guardians. New York was where Skyler had come to terms with what his parents had done to him, where his grandparents had managed to show him that the world wasn’t as rotten as it seemed to the little boy. But the reason he’d decided to stay in the city wasn’t as romantic as one would think. He’d simply gotten used to NYC, not bothered by his hopeless attempts at looking for some other place to live in. The message about his parents’ fatal accident and how he could move to their newly bought apartment in London - it all sounded like a joke, but sure Skyler could find some finesse in it. And he was going to move there without batting an eye as if they’d owed him much more than that. Which they certainly had. This one thought kept him going, this one thought reassured him that London was a good idea.

 A loud beep coming from his coffee machine announced that his drink was ready. It should wake him up, along with a hot shower, breakfast, and...- Another loud noise came from his front door this time. Someone was at the door and Skyler already hated them for coming this early, even though he was the one who had turned his phone off and made it impossible for others to contact him. He opened the door energetically as if he wanted to convince himself that he didn't need coffee to function properly. All his hatred was gone when he saw who his unexpected guest was.

"Hey, I brought your games! Sorry I didn't come yesterday, they called my mom and told her I failed that stupid test, so she got mad. I told her it wasn't because of the games or anything like that, but she never listens..." 

Ah, this boy. The list of people Skyler would miss wasn't long, his number one was Max, his neighbor. He was sixteen and lived with his mother and grandmother. Both of them weren't sure if Skyler could be considered a good company for Max, but his grandmother remembered Christine, Skyler's grandmother, and how wonderful a person she was, so eventually, they decided that as long as Max didn't start skipping school or using swear words, the two could hang out together. 

"It's okay, come in. D'you want somethin' to drink?"

"Yeah, some juice maybe? Thanks!"

Max came in and put the games on the table. A little bit too late for Bane to hide his bags and a few large boxes? Definitely. The man mouthed 'fuck' and hid his face behind the palms of his hands, so he could add a soundless, yet angry 'you stupid fuck' too. There was no way he could just disappear without saying a word now and he knew that well, he just had no clue how he was going to do that. Hey, I’m leaving and won’t be coming back. How was your day? 

Skyler handed the boy a glass of orange juice and grabbed his coffee too, leaning against the window sill in the kitchen. He took a sip of coffee and furrowed his brows.

"Why did you use 'fail' and 'test' in one sentence, though?"

"The questions were dumb! I couldn't understand them, nobody could," replied Max, sounding very disappointed. "I wasn't even the only one who didn't pass! The whole class, except for Josh of course, but it didn't convince my mom. She always says: 'if Josh gets good grades, then so could you'." 

Bane chuckled, ignoring Max's little protest that there was nothing funny about that. "Fuck Josh, he won't get any smarter if he's the only kid who understands dumb questions, yeah?" Max liked this part much more. He grinned at the man, as he drank his orange juice, and promised himself that he would use it next time his mom gets mad at his grades. "Don't worry about it, your grades aren't some kind of a mirror where you can see how smart you are. They're nothin' more than some simplified system and once you've finished school..." Skyler shrugged his shoulders and added; "At a job interview they never ask if you were an A student."

"Exactly! That’s what I tell myself but-"

"But you have to study, comprenez vous? Or your mom's gonna kill me, not you," he said, raising a brow even though he wasn't expecting an answer. And now the hardest part... Skyler inhaled deeply, told himself that he had to tell Max about his decision, then looked at the boy. "I’m leavin’. I'm goin' to London soon, I have to be sure you'll be ok, y'know?", then pointed at the boxes and the bags. “I know you’re probably disappointed and that’s not what you expected from me, but I just have to go. Start anew.”

Max opened his eyes wider, desperately looking for any signs that would let him believe his friend was joking. No, there weren't any, even the tone of his voice sounded completely different, unlike Skyler. He was going to leave him here. No more games, no more movies... No more silly adventures to keep secret from mom and grandma. Max hadn't felt that lonely in a long time; how else could one feel if their best friend told them something like this? "You're not coming back," he said flatly, avoiding Skyler's gaze for a moment. 

"Not really. I’ve got my stupid reasons... But I will visit you from time to time." 

"Is Aria one of the reasons?"

Some of the coffee he drank went down the wrong way and Skyler started coughing, which probably was the worst possible way of saying 'no'. "I know I said 'stupid reasons' but that's not what I meant," he said in a hoarse voice and cleared his throat once again.

"Ok, ok...- Is she going too, then?" 

"I don't care 'bout her and you shouldn't tell her anything in case she comes here. She stays in New York and I'm more than ok with that. Don't-"

"-talk to her, I know..." Max paused, giving himself a moment to ponder on his friend's words. He couldn’t just turn on his heel and leave, forget about their friendship. Skyler had helped him so many times and the last thing Max wanted was sound ungrateful. "If you have to... Come on, I'd be a shitty friend if I stopped talking to you or left without saying goodbye, right?"

"All I can say is that it'd be my style," he replied with a light chuckle. "Actually, that was my plan until you came here."

Max knew he wasn't joking but still managed to laugh at his confession. The fact that he eventually told him mattered most. 

"And now I better take a shower and get ready to... take care of... this and that." Max didn't have to know all the details about his terribly badly chosen role model - 'computer programmer'. Yeah, sure. 

"Sure," he replied with a small smile. Now he was sure that Skyler wasn't going to leave unexpectedly. 

"Max? Y'know what, I think you should take the games. I'll be far too busy to play them," he said, raising a brow. Skyler watched as the boy quickly went back to the table where he'd left the games and smiled to himself. He knew that it was probably the best apology he could come up with.

"Too bad I'll only get better at them." Max placed one hand on the doorknob and turned to Skyler, adding half-jokingly, "And you said you didn't like losing, Bane?", before he closed the door behind him.

Skyler finished his coffee in silence and headed to the bathroom. He really needed some time to think and as the kind of person whose brain worked much better in the shower, he really needed one right now. There were some things he needed to get done before he left New York, things that didn't necessarily sound pleasant, and he didn't have much time either.

[lgcarin]

❀ Interview Solo ❀ Word Count: 1,373 words

         Being able to actually film this whole documentary and experience all the cameras, even when she least expected them to really be there at certain times, was probably one of the top exciting things on Arin’s list to ever actually happen to her. The first would have to probably be when she flew to Korea to be with her brothers, but this definitely was high on her list as well. She remembered the moment when they were all told about the whole thing, remembered the excitement that she felt by just thinking about being noticed even if it were just for a little bit. She hoped that her mother would end up watching and see how well her children were doing, hoping that she wouldn’t worry too much for them.

            Some often thought of her as ‘childish’ due to the way she acted, however, that was just Arin’s personality. She was outgoing and soft-spoken. She loved everyone equally no matter what, believing that everyone was good in their own way, that everyone deserved love in their lives. Arin was just the type of person who enjoyed making people smile and tried her best to put a little happiness in their lives when they needed a little ‘pick-me-up’. So Arin can’t help but wonder what the viewers would think of her, wondered if they would find her to be sweet, or rather criticize her for how she acted.

             Arin sits in the chair, shaking all thoughts out of her head as she smiled and waited for the camera to turn on and the interviewer to begin speaking. It isn’t until she’s told to introduce herself that she finally bows politely and finally sits up straight before waving her hands at the camera and speaking. “Hello, everyone!~ My name is Pongsak Arinya, but I usually just go by Arin!~ I’m nineteen years old and currently have been a trainee for about one and a half years now.~” When she speaks, her aegyo clearly shows but she continues like always, not wanting to change who she is just because the camera is filming her.

“So, Arin. What made you want to become a trainee and pursue the idol path?”

              The first question she’s asked makes her smile even more than she previously was, not even having to stop and think about how to answer. “Well, this may sound dumb, but originally I only came to Korea because of my brothers.~ Over time though I actually decided that I wanted to become an idol and found that I really like doing this.~ If I could go back in time, I would still choose to audition and become a trainee because, even though it can be challenging at times, I still really enjoy doing it and learning new things each and every day.~”

“How did you feel when you first found out that you would be taking part in this documentary?”

              She hums softly as she thinks for a moment, tapping her chin a bit as she does so. “Well... To be honest, I was slightly nervous at first. The idea of having cameras follow us around and filming made me wonder if I would mess up and make a fool out of myself really. Though, after the first couple of days, I began to hardly even notice them around and it became really just like a normal thing to see every day.~ I actually enjoy watching Netflix, a lot of my favorite shows are on it, so the idea of being a part of a documentary that will also be on the platform is pretty awesome!~” She gives a thumbs up at this and laughs a little bit.

“You mentioned that you came to Korea because of your ‘brothers’. Would you say that they had an impact on your idol dream?”

             Arin tilts her head slightly to the side as she thinks for a moment about how to answer this question. Did the two have an impact on her decision or was it just all her own? “Hm... I would say ‘yes’ actually. If it weren’t for at least one of them coming here, I would probably still be back in Thailand going to school with my friends and probably just sitting at home on the weekends watching my favorite anime shows. So really, I’m glad that I was given a reason to step out of my comfort zone and audition to be a trainee. I honestly would have never thought about doing something like this, ever, so I’m glad I did it! You see, I’m the youngest of the family and for those who didn’t know this, I’m also Tee’s twin sister. We grew up together and are really close so when he left home to come here I felt, I guess you could say, ‘lost’ without him. I didn’t know what to really do, who to turn to when I needed someone, and just felt like I was missing something in my life. So, in the end, I decided to fly out here and audition for Legacy in which I thankfully passed the auditions and got in. Basically, if it weren’t for him and Isa, I wouldn’t be here today.~”

“On the topic of ‘school’, we noticed that you aren’t currently attending any universities. Do you plan on going to school or will you be focusing on your career in the future?”

           Smiling at the idea of school, Arin remembers the time she spent back in Thailand with her friends at school, shaking the thoughts out of her head quickly though because she didn’t want to dampen her mood right now and make herself homesick in the middle of all this. “Actually I thought about it over the past few months, though after considering the pros and cons of it all, I decided to not do schooling. Not because I don’t like school or anything, but because it would be difficult to do both school and training. I heard from others that it can be tiring at times and I really just want to focus on my training at the moment so I can better my skills and not stress myself out with that and also still learning Korean as well. All in all, I think this is what’s best for me at the moment but maybe once I’ve managed to balance out my schedule I may attempt school again.~”

“There was a moment during filming where you were scolded by one of the instructors. Would you maybe explain what happened and why it happened?”

             Remembering that day of filming made Arin’s smile disappear for only a short moment as she stared blankly, finally snapping back to reality before smiling again and speaking in her usual upbeat tone. “That day was probably one of my bad days really.” She laughs a bit nervously as she thinks about how the instructor had gotten onto her for messing up. “Our dance instructor had given us all a deadline, which happened to be that exact day of filming, to get the choreography down. We actually trained really hard each day leading up to the deadline, however, for some reason I just couldn’t remember the moves that day. I guess it was because I was a little nervous about the cameras but also because I hadn’t had very much sleep the night before.” Another nervous laugh escapes from her as she messes with a loose string on the sleeve of her sweater. “Thankfully though we managed to pass the next week with no problems after that. The other girls helped me out a lot and for that, I am very thankful for them taking the time to do that for me. I’ll work even harder in the future to not disappoint anyone!~”

            With that she’s finished with her interview and gets up from her chair, bowing politely towards the filming staff and the interviewer, thanking them for their hard work before she exits the room. It isn’t until she is out that she realizes just how nervous she actually had been through the whole thing, that is until she finally let out a heavy sigh of relief and felt as if the weight was being lifted off her shoulders.

[the-blueish-trashcan]

He’s in Charge; Chapter Seven

Pairing: Henry/Bertrum

Warnings: (Light) drinking, coming outs, binding with bandages

A/N: Ah, this chapter... Easily one of my favorites in the book, in which Henry and Bertrum have a true heart to heart about who they are and how they feel with each other. It’s an emotional thing and was very emotional to write. This is also your friendly reminder that Henry binds with ACE bandages, which is highly unsafe, and shouldn’t be done with so many options available nowadays.

Chapter word count: 2,681

{First part} {Previous part} {Next part}

Chapter Seven; Honesty

Without Joey to give directions on the new episode, and Bertrum's team already set to work on the next prototype feature, most employees of Joey Drew Studios decided to take the rest of the day off and though they wouldn't admit it quite yet, they were planning on taking the next day off as well. It may put them all behind schedule by Joey's standards, but he'd have to adjust this time. At least, that was the explanation Henry gave Bertrum when he arrived at his house. The building was just as daunting as before, though in full daylight, it really was quite beautiful. 

“If you'd like, there's a much less formal dining room upstairs. It's more meant for living in than hosting.” Bertrum offered, pointing to the stairs. 

“Sure, that sounds nice.” Henry gave him a grin, noticing that as they began to ascend, Ferris had found and started to follow them. Half way up, he rushed past them both, standing at the top with his tail wagging. He had a fairly large rope toy with him and as soon as he was able to figure out what room they were headed to, he ran in.

“He seems excited that I'm home early.” Bertrum commented, leading the way into a much more compact room. A larger radio sat by the door, not far from a small round table. Across the room was a soft-looking dark yellow couch, a matching armchair not far from it. Both were angled towards the window, the brown curtains pinned open to let in the natural afternoon light. Just under the window was a square cushion that matched the color of the couch, meant to be a bed for Ferris. The room itself was fairly open, with plenty of space to move around.

Burtrum slipped his suit jacket off and hung it on the back of a chair at the table. “I'd offer a glass of wine, but you don't at all feel like a day drinker. If you stay for dinner, though…” His eyes fell on Henry as he raised a brow. 

“I might just have to take you up on that offer.” Henry's lopsided smile held.

“Fantastic. I was thinking that- What? What do you want?” The interruption in his thought was caused by none other than Ferris, who bowed at Bertrum's feet with his tail wagging in the air and rope toy still clamped between his jaws. Bertrum spoke directly to the dog. 

Henry chuckled at the action. “It looks like he wants to play, he definitely missed you.” 

“I suppose you're probably right.” Bertrum gave a toothy smile, bending down to grab one end of the toy.

*****

Much later that night, after Bertrum had made them both a good meal, they'd made themselves comfortable on the couch, talking quietly. Ferris was asleep, worn out and curled up in his bed under the window. He snored faintly, though it could hardly be heard over the soft music from the radio.

“I never really considered anything else as a career besides art, really. I'd always wanted to go to school for it, but… I had to pay for it myself. My parents weren't exactly happy about my choices.” Henry explained, looking down into a glass of water. “What about you? Did you always want to build amusement parks?”

Bertrum considered the question, carefully swirling the wine in his glass. “Not exactly, no. I always entertained the idea of building something grand, but for a while, I worked construction to put myself through university. Most of my classes were aimed towards building… something. It simply turned out to be amusement parks. Roller coasters are some of the hardest rides to design, but to me, they're the most fun.” He smiled almost sheepishly.

“Fun to draw, too, actually.” Henry replied.

“That reminds me of something I wanted to ask you.” Bertrum adjusted himself to face Henry, setting his glass on the end table by the arm of the couch. “I have a business proposition for you.”

“Oh?” Henry tilted his head.

“I know I've asked you about slipping out from under Drew's thumb before, and I know how you feel about leaving. I've seen the real you, not the you that works day and night, breaking yourself for a short. You're passionate about what you do. You love your art, your characters. I think you deserve to be doing more with your skills, perhaps making a bit more money than you do now.”

“What are you saying?”

“I'm saying… What if I were to hire you out from under Drew? It wouldn't be hard for you to learn to draw blueprints, you already have a sharp enough mind for designing parks. I could use someone like you on my team, anyhow. Being the only creative mind behind such a large operation is… difficult. Now what do you say?”

At that point, Henry laughed. “I'd say, exactly how much have you had to drink?”

Bertrum rolled his eyes. “I'm serious. Your insight on Drew's park has helped immensely. Imagine if we could keep going, do more than just one park together. Imagine being able to put our work across the country, perhaps worldwide someday.” He slowly started to move closer to Henry, reaching for his hand.

“You know, that sounds just like what Joey told me…”

“The difference is, I'm not out for profit. For power. You would be my equal, and where I want you to work, you would be splitting the income with me, evenly.”

He carefully intertwined his fingers with Bertrum's, looking down at them. “Gosh, I don't know… What about my characters?”

“We can legally get them back from Drew, and then they're yours to do with what you will.”

Henry looked up then. “We could finish Bendyland. Then it would be your park, not his.”

“No,” Bertrum corrected, kissing Henry's lips. “Ours. Our creation.”

Henry couldn't stop himself from smiling, returning Bertrum’s kiss as best he could. “I'll admit, that does sound really nice… Deadlines wouldn't be as chaotic, I wouldn't have to worry as much.”

“Exactly. You can't live in fear anymore, what kind of life is that?” He wasn't aiming for an answer at all, and Henry knew. Though their lips weren't touching anymore, their foreheads were, Bertrum letting out a small, content sigh. Slowly, Bertrum stood from his spot, still holding Henry's hand. He gave it a gentle tug, asking the animator to stand without speaking. 

Henry followed, only raising a brow when Bertrum started to take him down the hallway farther. “So where are we going now?”

There was a brief silence from Bertrum. “Bed.” He answered simply, though it came out almost as a question. 

Ignoring the panic that started to bubble in his chest, Henry nodded slightly, his face growing warm. “O-oh… okay.” He did his best to sound cheery. Bertrum was not someone he was ready to say no to.

*****

Bertrum's bedroom was just as grand as the rest of the house. With a series of tall windows taking up one wall, it had a perfect view of the huge backyard, but in the dark, there was nothing to see. The white floor-length curtains were drawn for the night over most of them, anyhow. Centered against the wall across from the door, the bed took up much of the space, the dark frame and canopy that reached overhead a perfect contrast to the pale gray sheets that decorated it. Bertrum and Henry had seated themselves at the foot, Henry putting his weight on his right arm and holding Bertrum's cheek with his left. Bertrum had one hand on his side, which already had him shaking. Their lips were locked together in a slow kiss, only coming apart for a few short seconds to breathe. Gradually, though, Bertrum began to press a little harder, his free hand reaching for the buttons of Henry's shirt. He'd undone two in the middle when he pulled away from their continuous kiss, though not far. 

“May I…?” He requested softly.

Red from his ears to his neck, Henry seemed to consider the question, then nodded. Bertrum moved his hands away just for a moment so he could move to sit higher up on the bed. Henry did the same, unbuttoning his shirt without help by then. With the front hanging open, his bandages were clearly visible. Bertrum quickly slipped his own shirt off of his shoulders, letting it fall over the edge of the bed. 

Even in the lowlight, the definition of his muscles was very clear; Being a part of his own construction team as well as a designer really did pay off, it seemed. For a moment, all Henry could do was take in the sight of him, but only for a moment. Henry was back against his lips quickly, his palm against his chest while he shifted himself to practically be in Bertrum's lap. He was cautious of the large bruise painting one side of his ribs, as well as the one on his clavicle. Facing each other at a more forward angle, it was easy for Bertrum to slide his hands against Henry's shoulders, completely pulling his shirt off of his body. Both hesitated for a few seconds, seemingly unsure of what to do next and for Henry, at least, he was frozen out of fear. 

Bertrum cleared his throat, light pink dusting across his cheeks. “I, uhm…” He shook his head to push whatever thought he was about to share out of the way, reaching out to grip the edge of Henry's slacks. Once his fly was undone, Henry worked himself out of them, letting them drop off to the side of the bed with the rest of their clothes. By then, Henry was acutely aware of his heart hammering against his ribs. He wondered if it was possible to see his bandages moving with each beat.

At that moment, Bertrum went pale instead of blushing, leaning back on one hand and dragging the other down his face. “Henry, darling, I have to admit something to you, before we… before we go any farther.”

Henry sat back, tilting his head. He forced himself not to shake any harder, especially when a small wave of relief that they stopped hit him. “Is something wrong…?”

“Possibly… Possibly, yes, but it's… with me. Something may be wrong with me.” He refused to look Henry in the eyes. “I don't… want this. Before you panic, I promise, I love you. Truly, I love you with my whole heart, but this… being totally physically intimate? I… can't. I've never had an interest in it, a need for it. I thought perhaps being with you, out of all people, would change things, change me, but it hasn't. It isn't your fault, I swear. You're so perfect, and perfect for me, but that made no difference! It should have, but it hasn't, not yet…” His words, slowly, had become more and more frantic, tears filling his eyes. He nearly sobbed. “Something is wrong with me.”

Henry instantly had a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears that began to fall. Seeing Bertrum in such a state was unthinkable to Henry. “Hey… Hey, no, you're alright… Bertrum, there's nothing wrong with you.” Henry shifted himself so he was sitting more to the side of Bertrum than on his hips. “It's okay if you don't want to now, or ever, if you don't change your mind. Everyone's different and that's more than okay with me.”

Bertrum dragged his teary eyes back to Henry's. “Are you sure? I don't want to disappoint you in any way, I was starting to think it was something you wanted to do tonight…”

“How would you disappoint me? All I want is you to be happy. And, well, if we're being honest… open… with each other about all this… There's something I need to say too.” Henry idly picked at the edge of the bandages at the top of his chest. 

“What is it?” Bertrum sat up a little straighter, calming himself.

Henry took a breath, gathering himself before he launched into a story- his story, part of which he was sure Bertrum had guessed already. He spoke about how since he was younger, he'd tried his best to be himself, but in turn, had to keep his past and the body he'd been stuck with a secret. He spoke of his struggle with his own image, and the discomfort he found in every day when he had to find something that looked right on him, that fit his bound chest. He explained the pain, both in his mind and in his bones that he felt for trying to look the way he did, and he explained how intensely aware of himself he was at every second. 

Finally, he came to their situation, what it was doing to him to be so exposed in his body and soul. “I got… really, really scared when you started trying to take my clothes off. I was scared you'd see what I really am and… not want me anymore, at all. I was too scared to stop you, either, you're just… I didn't want you to be upset with me. Truthfully, I didn't want to do this, it wasn't because of you. I don't think there's anything wrong with you for not feeling a need to make love with someone, and right now… that's more of a comfort to me than a disappointment. I don't have to be scared of you hating my body, not wanting to be with me because of it anymore. Right…?”

“What you really are…” Bertrum, then smiling, leaned over to him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Is Henry. To me, that is who you always were, and always will be, if that's what you want. I told you I would take you any way you are, yes?”

Henry nodded. 

“That is still true. I was afraid for myself, at first. Now I know you feel a similar way, and you can understand how I feel. I'm so sorry you had to struggle with who you are to be happy, but look at you now. You're a dazzlingly handsome man, with someone who loves you for everything you are and do. I wouldn't give that up for any reason.” His lips found Henry's again and they shared another long kiss. “I have just one question for you still.”

Henry tilted his head. “Yeah…?”

“Are you… in pain right now? Because of this.” With his eyes, Bertrum indicated Henry's bandages. “Are they hurting you?” 

Henry's silence gave him his answer. 

The designer's voice dropped low despite the fact that they were the only ones in the room. “Would you mind taking them off? I don't want to see you in pain, and it looks so restrictive. I understand if you won't, I simply wanted to ask.”

Henry looked down at himself, biting his lip. “You know… you're right. I can hardly breathe properly with them on, I've been wearing them since this morning.” As he undid the bandages and started to unwrap them, he glanced up at Bertrum. “I trust you. I seriously trust you.”

“And I you, my love.” Bertrum responded with a smile, making a point not to watch the animator's actions. “We were both so scared if disappointing each other, neither of us were going to even say anything.”

Henry gave a soft laugh. “I guess that just shows how much we care, in a really weird way…” 

“You may be right.” Bertrum pushed himself up far enough on the sheets to lay back against the pillows and Henry soon followed. He placed his head against Bertrum's chest, laying on his side with one arm wrapping around his waist just below the bruise. They both adjusted themselves until they were as comfortable as possible, Henry still trembling from the touch ever so slightly. Both men relaxed, alone in the peace and quiet, they let themselves drift off to sleep together for the first time.

[glassworkspiderlilies]

giyushino week wrap up!

aaaaand that’s a wrap!! thank you to the moderators of giyushinoweek, and to everyone who liked/reblogged/commented on/sent me asks about my fics!!

it was a wild ride to write 8 fics in basically a week or so; i keep saying the fics were hastily or frantically written but LMAO considering how little fic i put out nowadays and how long it usually takes me to write because i edit as i go (which means i take f o r e v e r ), i was seriously just screaming like I JUST GOTTA DO IT I JUST GOTTA GO WITH IT I DON’T HAVE TIME the entire time haha. it was really good to be able to just think of a thing and run as far as i could with it, though!! it’s been quite a long time since i was able to do that, and it was really nice to have a project to work on in the back of my head. <3

ideally, if i work myself up to it, i’d like to revisit all of these and spruce them up to post to ao3, but we’ll see. :’) 

under the cut is just some thoughts on my process during this and also writing each of the fics, if you’re interested! favorite prompt, the most difficult parts to write, what the fic was originally was, things like that. 

thank you again, everyone!! back to hibernation and occasional slow snail pace writing i go, haha.

.

.

.

re: writing process -i tried writing a fic per day during the week before the actual event, which...kind of worked!! ideally, i was going to write a mostly complete fic each day, and then spend the week of the event editing each one before i posted it. what really ended up happening was that i partially wrote several, but not all of them, during the previous week, and then spent the week of finishing up, editing, or writing the whole thing more or less the day before the prompt was “due”, LMFAO. my weekday schedule is pretty structured because of work--I have maybe an hour or two of free time before i have to sleep--so i doubled down a bit more on the weekends. i know like it wasn’t imperative that i meet the “deadline”, but i really, really wanted to!! i figured i’ve written a fic per day for fandom weeks before so why can’t i do it again, but BOY i don’t know who i was back then. i mean, i still did it (yay!) but it seemed so much easier then?? either i was just writing more back then or less afraid or...something, or it’s just been so long that i don’t remember what i felt, LOL.

-i was really quite nervous in the beginning to post the fics, since again, they’re pretty hastily written and my usual writing process is much more “careful” and drawn out. but, it was also freeing as the week went on to just post and not worry, because the point of the week was to have fun, and not necessarily to write the best work i expected of myself within a limited time. (oh, how the perfectionist in me still hisses, though.) still, i’m glad people liked them, and even the extra notes that i just kinda spit out for some of them. :’) i do wish that some had gotten more attention than others, but those ones don’t show up in the tags and i’m not sure why, so. alas. 

re: the fics -confession: as of now, i feel pretty neutral about all of them, since i wrote them in a frenzy. at some point i’ll probably go back and read them and feel differently (and catch my mistakes! oh no!), haha. -a lot of them ended up being AU, which is...??? unexpected?? but i think it was just easier to put them in an entirely different setting, so i could play a bit more loose with their characters, haha. 

day 1 - glance (or hug) -this one...im pretty sure was one of the ones i waited until the last possible minute to finish up. it’s pretty basic event-wise, one of the few more regular slice-of-lifey ones for the week. it was surprisingly hard to get down the “movement” of it all; a glance is hard to describe in detail and in any other way, but i had really wanted to create kind of this...fleeting, almost nostalgic atmosphere in the back and forth of “he keeps looking, she keeps missing”, if that makes any sense. oof, it’s still hard to describe what i had wanted to achieve even outside of the fic!!

day 2 - soulmate (or family) -this one was SUPER HARD to write!!! originally i had wanted to go with a “A sees flashes of what B sees” soulmate prompt, because i figured that would be SO disorienting and would be fun to play with. but i ended up not being able to run with that one. i had also wanted to do the “soulmates write on themselves and the words show up on the other’s arm” idea, based off of what i had started in a 100 word drabble i did, but that deserved wayyyyyy more exploration and angst i was able to write in the time i’d allotted. i do like the “tattoo” soulmate aus the best, i think, and i did want to explore the one i did more, buuuut. alas. soulmates aus are something i prefer to read rather than write, i think, they can get so complicated!! 

day 3 - AU (or touch) -i’ve already made enough notes on this haha, but this ended up being a little too ambitious!! it wasn’t originally supposed to stop where it did, but i just...kinda got stuck and couldn’t bring myself to continue it, because i knew it would just keep going and needed more thinking out. so i just stopped it at the scene break, and hoped it would be decent enough. :’) surprisingly people seemed to enjoy this one most of all????? or maybe it was just the au itself that was a appealing, haha. regardless, i was surprised at the amount of notes this got!

day 4 - demon & wedding -soooooo this might’ve been my favorite prompt LMAO, like when i realized what i wanted to do for this day, i got excited because like, oooh yeah, pain. definitely wanted to go in on this to flesh out and explore various aspects more than i did, but i think of all the ones i wrote, i might be the most pleased with this one so far. 

day 5 - moon (or angst) -honestly, it’s a surprise i didn’t choose angst for day 5. writing about shinobu’s death would’ve been so easy, but i’ve seriously been putting it off since i started writing for kimetsu no yaiba. both “a blade of honey” and “if not cut at dusk”, which are my longer fics, were intended to be about shinobu’s death scene and turned into something completely different, and i ended up avoiding it for day 5 even though it could’ve been so easy. it’s denial, probably! anyway, shinobu’s MAD BOLD here. she would never. maybe. there’s two shinobus that i think about--the "usual” one, modeling herself after kanae, and one who’s more in line with her younger self/inner feelings. i think i went with the latter for a lot of these fics, because i didn’t have to be as careful with dialogue. giyu might’ve suffered character-wise, though, woops. but again, maybe shinobu would, in the vein that she wants to win and have the last laugh, haha. still, i feel more like she wouldn’t. :P oh, also, do you remember ages ago, when AMVs were still widespread, that scene that was everywhere in naruto where hinata’s bathing/training at the waterfall and it’s like really pretty and cool and stuff? yeah. that’s what i wanted this one to be, a little, LMFAO. genuinely surprised that people thought this one was pretty spicy!!

day 6 - kiss (or ocean) -confession: i wrote all of this while i was at work LOLLLL. it was a slow day, i promise. this might’ve been the easiest one to come up with, because the “quick, kiss me!” to escape situation is a classic. the characterization is preeeetttyyyyy loose here, but it was also kind of fun, honestly. my day 5 and day 6 run in pretty similar veins though, so i had kind of wished the endings were a bit more distinct from each other. 

day 7 - date (or crossover) -honestly i had wanted to do like, a soul eater crossover!! really i was planning out an au, but i think a crossover specifically has characters of two series interacting, and then i was Tired and was like, i can’t do that. crossovers aren’t something i usually read, either, so the planning got too complicated and i gave  up. the date idea was also one that came much later and one that i finished up last minute; i’d wanted to make it a little more cohesive and come up with better things for sabito’s list, but. eh. it got longer than i expected too! ideally there would’ve been more of the college life, and sabito and makomo. i thought about doing another additional notes for this, but there was wasn’t enough i had wanted to add on. really it was just the majors for them i’d been playing with--shinobu as a med student (possibly a minor in horticulture/botany, SOMEHOW), sabito & giyu as hydraulic engineering majors (sabito more on fieldwork, giyu more on research), and makomo as a marine veterinary student. shrug!! the lines of “you do realize we were set up, right” and “this was a date, tomioka-san” were the highlight for me, haha. and i’m inordinately fond of the title.

day 8 - halloween (or n*sfw) -sexy stuff isn’t my forte at all!!!! so halloween it was, but. i was thinking of skipping out on this one, and then was like, oh what the hell, you’ve come this far, of course you’re going to go the last leg, too. already wrote enough notes on this one too, but yeah, this one really was quick, and just barely meets the prompt, i think, lmao. ended up being more of a fantasy au, which was fun, though there was a lot left unexplored. ultimately just glad that i was able to come up with something for the last stretch. :)

please feel free to drop me an ask if you have any thoughts or comments! i’d love to hear your thoughts on the fics for the week, if you’d like to share. :) 

thanks for reading!!

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview taken from The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (Admin approved)

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Loten and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many of our members will know your works with Post Tenebras, Lux and Chasing the Sun being considered classics for the SS/HG pairing.

Thanks for the invitation, hello everyone.

What's the story behind your pen name?

There's a werewolf novel, Bareback by Kit Whitfield. In one scene a character is looking at the moon and mentions that in Old English poetry they would use the term loten to describe a night when the moon was bright enough to see by. I haven't been able to verify it since the author may well have invented it, but I love nights like that and I liked the word, and the rest is history.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

I get asked this a lot, actually. There is no one character, I don't think - I identify to some extent with most of the characters that feature more frequently in my fics, or I wouldn't be able to write them (the exception is Lucius, as far as I can tell he's truly fictional and not derived from anything in me). I probably have more in common with Hermione than the others, at least my version of her, but it's hard to say for sure.

Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general)

Fantasy all the way. My mother nagged me into reading The Hobbit when I was around seven or eight, and that was it. I do read other genres but a good 85 per cent of my reading material almost certainly has magic or dragons somewhere in it.

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

I have a few. I like all of Austen's works, my favourite is probably Sense & Sensibility. I've just finished re-reading Jane Eyre. I like Elizabeth Gaskell's novels as well.

At what age did you start writing?

My mother is one of those parents who hoards everything her offspring do, and among the boxes of paper is a short story I wrote and illustrated when I was maybe five, about a flying shoe (imaginatively titled The Magic Clog). And when I was six I had a poem published in an anthology of children's verse (I don't remember how that came about; I think my school was asked to get involved, had a competition and picked out a few that ended up in the book) - my contribution was a piece of free verse about a dripping tap. So it's something I've always done, though I started taking it more seriously as a teenager developing roleplay characters.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

My best friend when I was around thirteen was into fanfiction, she wrote Stargate SG-1 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fiction at the time. I don't know how she got into it herself but she introduced me to reading it, though it was a year or two before I found the courage to try writing any. My early stuff was... not very good, and I will never admit to being the author of any of it now!

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

Oh, that's a hard one. I like seeing consequences being explored - often authors will give a character the backstory or motivation they need them to have for the sake of the plot, but if it's not one of the main characters they won't pay it any more attention after that. When it's done well, I do like stories exploring the realism of just how a character would be affected by what happens to them. It adds a new dimension to their personality, and the psychology behind it is interesting in its own right. We're a product of our experiences, and so are fictional people. I try to show it in my writing as well - why a character does something is as important as the thing itself.

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

I read fics from all sorts of fandoms, but Discworld was where I first started writing (badly). It's a pretty small fandom despite the legions of fans worldwide, so I got to know a few writers there and learned more about what I was doing. Took a break for a while due to personal reasons, and when I returned under this name I started off in the even smaller Tamora Pierce fandom, trying my wings before entering the madness of Harry Potter. These days the Potterverse is still my first love along with the other two, but others include the Wheel of Time, Good Omens and too many smaller ones to list. I don't write for them or anything so active, though.

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Snape surviving, and the HG/SS ship, naturally! Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

Music, or Youtube videos (I watch a lot of Let's Plays), or just having the TV on. I can't concentrate in complete silence, my mind wanders to other things. I also talk to myself if there's no other source of noise and I'm trying to break the habit.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

This would have been far easier to answer a few years ago, but I read less and less fanfiction as time goes by and I don't read Potter fics at all any more. My personal headcanons have developed more and more over the years, and nobody's headcanon is the same as anyone else's, so I end up disagreeing with fics these days because it's not how I would have done it and it makes it difficult to enjoy them.

The best fic I ever read was also the one that introduced me to HG/SS, but at some point, along the way, it was deleted and the author removed their account, and I've never managed to remember the title or pen name to look for it elsewhere. I don't remember the plot either after so long, but the characterisation was absolutely superb and the ship just made so much sense that I never looked back.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

A plotter, definitely. I always have a first draft mostly complete before I start uploading anything. Initially, it was just because I realised I was writing longer stories and didn't want to risk hitting writer's block or real-life delays and having to go on hiatus in the middle of uploading a story, but later I realised I preferred it. I don't have to worry about writing myself into a corner or contradicting myself, I can take the time to make sure things are coming across the way I want them to. And it means I never have to force myself to write 'the next chapter' to a deadline - if I don't want to work on whatever comes next, I can jump ahead and write something later in the plot that I do want to work on. I also find it a lot easier to plan a story around a timeline to get the overall pacing right.

What is your writing genre of choice?

I don't really know what you'd call it. Slice of life, I suppose? I like stories about characters rather than about plots.

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Most of them, in their own way. My Tamora Pierce series, even though they're nothing groundbreaking and even though I know I could write them far better now, because they were the first things I wrote that I felt truly pleased with and because the overwhelmingly positive responses gave me the confidence to keep going, to try for something completely original rather than a retelling, and to venture into a far bigger and much more terrifying fandom.

Post Tenebras Lux, because it's (almost) exactly the story I wanted to tell and (almost) exactly the way I wanted to tell it. Chasing the Sun because it's the best written of anything I've done and I can see how much I've improved over the years, although I prefer the content of PTL. And I'm incredibly proud of the thousands upon thousands of positive and constructive reviews both of them gathered along the way,

I never expected to attract much notice at all and it's been a tremendous help to me both as a confidence boost and helping me see more about how others view storylines and characters in ways that I'd miss. I think overall it's PTL I'm most proud of, with CTS a close second.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Talking about CTS and PTL both, they're more or less the way I imagined them. Sometimes I'd get a review showing me a perspective I'd never considered, and one or two of them ended up having quite a long-running impact. Sometimes I'd reach a point, particularly in CTS, and realise that what I had planned for that part of the story wasn't going to work and I'd end up writing something completely different.

During the writing of both of them I mostly learned about how my brain works and how to organise myself to write at my best - I think I've learned more after they were done; I re-read both of them every year or so and see things I could have done differently and things that work and things I no longer agree with.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

Back to PTL for this one, since most of CTS' plot isn't completely mine. I never planned it to be particularly personal to me; at the time I just wanted to write about my favourite character and give him a better ending than canon did, and enjoy myself telling the story. As I went along and started touching on different subjects it became more personal - I've experienced bullying and depression, amongst other things, though fortunately not on the same scale as the characters I write about. I think it made it both harder and easier; stirring up old memories wasn't particularly pleasant, but it meant less time researching and rewriting those particular parts because it felt more real, to begin with.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

That's another hard one. Subconsciously I think almost everything you read influences you at least a little. I tend to divide books into three categories - ones I don't enjoy and don't finish (which is rare but does happen), ones that were good but ultimately forgettable, and ones that deserve to be re-read, and I've probably learned something from almost all of the latter kind.

If I had to name one author it would be Terry Pratchett. His writing spanned such a vast spectrum it blew my mind wide open from the first time I picked up one of his books (I think I was ten or so) and he's still the author I come back to time and time again and find something to enjoy and appreciate no matter what my mood is. He's known for humour but there's so much more in everything he wrote. As for how outside influences show in my writing, I really don't know but I can guarantee they're there.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Not really. Some of my school friends did, but over the years I've lost touch with all of them. Of my family and current friends, the ones that would understand fanfiction don't share the fandoms I write for, and the others just wouldn't understand the concept. I'm not ashamed of it, I just don't know how to explain it to someone who has no overlap with this world. Some of my online friends know, but half of them I met via my fanfics in the first place, so I'm not sure that counts!

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

Where fanfiction is concerned, there's no point doing anything else. If you're trying to make a career out of writing you do have to write for your audience at least to some extent, but one of the joys of something not for profit like fanfiction is that you can tell the stories you want to tell and don't need to impress anyone.

The whole reason PTL exists is that I couldn't find a fic that told the story I wanted to read, so I wrote it myself. CTS primarily exists so I could fix a lot of the parts of canon I had the greatest problems with. The fact that other people agree is amazing and I still get warm fuzzies from every review from someone sharing the same opinion, but that wasn't the point.

Starting out in small fandoms meant I had no expectations for reviews so I never felt the need to try and court them, and every piece of feedback was a pleasant surprise rather than a main motivation. It's also a lot easier and more enjoyable to write for yourself; my other fics are mostly small one-shots based on prompts from other people, and many of them were a real struggle to write.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I'd say it's pretty important. I try to answer every signed review where possible, and it's always surprised me when people tell me they weren't expecting it - it seems to be something most fic authors don't do. It never occurred to me not to at least thank someone for taking the time to leave a review, and for those who leave longer reviews with questions or observations or (constructive) criticism I like the chance to explain some of my reasons for a particular decision or to talk about something in the fic or the wider fandom or writing in general.

That said, I don't have much contact with readers outside review responses and FFN messages. I don't really use social media (hence the format of this interview). Nothing against it, but introversion and a lack of much free time (and, it must be said, a little laziness) mean it's not for me at this point in time. I do have a blog but it's not very active.

What would you most like your readers to take away with them when they've finished your stories?

Honestly? I'm happy if someone finishes and thinks 'that was a good read, I enjoyed it'. Anything else is icing on the cake. Sometimes I get lovely messages from people who've been going through rough times and they tell me something in my stories resonated with them and helped them feel a bit better, and that's an incredible feeling. Others tell me they've been inspired to work on their own writing or to read more about a subject I mentioned. Some just want to let me know they've checked out a song or book I referenced or quoted and they liked it. All those are great, but as long as someone likes the story and enjoys reading it, that's enough.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

The most specifically useful was probably "when you're writing dialogue, read it out loud". Time after time I've done that and realised a piece of a conversation was very awkward and strange and been able to rewrite it. In a more general sense, the best thing I've seen was "don't force it". If you're not in the mood to write something, don't try to, because it'll be far lower quality than if you wait until you're excited to write it down.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

That ties into the previous question. Usually, I leave that piece of writing alone and either work on something else or move away from writing entirely and give myself a break for a few days to clear my head. Sooner or later something will shake loose and I'll see my way past whatever the problem was. (This usually happens either in the shower or while driving, when I can't do anything about it, because the universe just hates people sometimes!)

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Oh, absolutely, though I can't give many specific examples. As I mentioned before, my experiences with bullying and depression definitely added an extra dimension to the way I write about those issues, but that's the only obvious thing. I haven't consciously included any specific incidents from my life anywhere in my writing, but I'm sure there are a lot of small things I haven't even noticed. And there are definitely some details that are me, such as certain characters' music tastes (or a preference for black forest gateau...)

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I get asked this one a lot! Yes, I do plan on at least two more long Potter fics, if possible. I'm fairly sure at least one of them is going to happen. I have some concrete writing and a lot of notes. But it's difficult to avoid treading ground I've already covered in existing fics, I don't want to produce anything that feels too similar. I also wrote both PTL and CTS while I was unemployed and living with my parents, and now I'm living on my own and working, so I have much much less free time. No teaser, I'm afraid :)

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

The only way to get better at writing is to write, so write. Don't worry about not being good. That can come later. You can always rewrite anything. My early fics under other names range from thoroughly amateur to absolute trash that I've disowned, and there's plenty of original writing that will never, ever see the light of day.

If you write something down and hate it, leave it for a while and then go back and look at it and figure out why you hate it. Try not to be afraid. It takes real courage to let other people see your writing for the first time, and nothing hurts like your first negative review, but the world won't end. Criticism comes in three forms - misunderstandings that you can address; genuine criticisms that you can learn from; and, very rarely, flames or trolling that you can ignore. Most people will have a valid point, and most of them will genuinely be trying to help you.

And READ. Read everything you can get your hands on. Fics, books, blog posts, newspaper articles. If you don't like something, try and work out why. If you do like something, try and work out why. Exercise your imagination and the rest will follow.

Thank you so much for spending some time with us Loten, it was a genuine pleasure getting to spend some time getting to know you better.

[rendezvous-ramblings]

Non-tc related. A, how do you find the motivation/discipline to just do you work? As a senior, I’m finding it increasingly difficult. I know I’m gonna graduate but I’m paralyzed with fear of what comes after, which has made me stressed and has caused me to not want to do anything. Any advice?

I definitely struggled with this a lot this semester. That's why I took nearly a month off from Tumblr. I was overloading myself a bit and having a long commute wasn't helping. To the point where I had an emotional break down in my department chair's office. I never cry in front of people but I just couldn't control it. I reached a breaking point. I also struggle a bit with imposter syndrome and I'm not one to boast about my skills, abilities, or accomplishments. E and and my bosses think I'm crazy for selling myself short.

I finished applying to half of my graduate schools and I personally don't feel 100% about both of the paths I'm pursuing. It's horrifying and it honestly irritates me when I constantly hear professors or other people say "you'll figure it out eventually." Yes, I'll figure it out eventually and everything will fall to place (with a lot of hard work) but they're so hesitant to provide a direct and straightforward opinion. Since they're afraid to sway your views. They don't want to be responsible if you end up unhappy with the outcome for you to blame them (potentially). I get that, however, I would love it if people stopped sugar coating things. Not everyone is like this so definitely surround yourself with people who will be honest and blunt with you that want to see you succeed. Bluntness may hurt at times but it's better than sugar coating in my opinion. If you know the person really well remind yourself it is out of a place of care or love and not malice. E is quite realistic with me and he always reassures me he just wants me to be happy. He gives me both perspectives the good and the bad, but at the end of the day I have try and the mistakes/successes have to be mine! I'm just glad I have him as an extra voice of reason.

Regardless of how uncertain I feel at least I have casted a larger net than what I was initially going to. I wasn't going to apply to doctoral programs but I applied to 3 to see what happens. I know I would regret it if I didn't at least try. It terrifies me how I'll deliberate in the rare chance that I do get accepted. However, having options at the end of the day is better than no options. Don't be afraid to try different options (even the options you didn't consider or feel insecure about) because you never know what will happen.

Exploration is also great if you're uncertain about what you want to do. You can't cross it off until you experience it firsthand unless you know there's a certain job or subject that makes you miserable. This is the time to make mistakes especially if you're going to be just graduating out of high school. I definitely recommend signing up for classes you've always been interested in but never had an opportunity to take while you were in HS. Also join any clubs or extracurriculars that you were hesitant to join or your HS never offered. For example, I was always interested in anthropology/psychology and I took a couple of those classes straight away. I wanted to double with anthropology but I ended up settling for a minor.

In terms of finding motivation to study definitely focus on how far you've reached so far in school. You wouldn't want a your efforts to go to waste last minute. Visualize your future and create realistic long and short term goals for yourself (that includes realistic deadlines)! Some people have found checklists or bullet journaling (doesn't have to be super fancy/artsy) a great way to keep themselves accountable and finish their short/long term goals. It is quite satisfying to check things off. Also if you tend to be forgetful put things on your phone calendar too with notifications staggered in advance you can be reminded a week, day, or few hours before.

"Pat yourself on the back" for any small accomplishments to positively reinforce yourself. Definitely find small acts or ways to do self care as rewarding yourself some time to relax. This is crucial in keeping up your mental health and well-being. A short simple break I take sometimes is to just paint my nails because I love having them painted. While I'm painting it's therapeutic as I'm just focusing on perfecting the surface of my nails.

Last thing I can think of is to figure out your ideal workspace and time. When do you feel most energized? I know I like working on a lot of assignments during the weekend during the day-afternoon. I tend to want to relax and burn out in the evenings. Some people prefer to work outside in a library or cafe because they concentrate better there. I know that wouldn't work for me so I make sure my desk at home is as clean and not distractive.

That's all the tips I have. Haha, sorry for my mini rants towards the beginning, but I truly do understand your frustration. You're not alone and I'm sure some of your classmates probably do feel the same. I have classmates too who are uncertain about what to do after undergraduate. There's also careers where experience matters more than your major. That's true in certain fields since they look for skills and experience rather than your chosen undergrad major. Take care of yourself first and foremost. I wish you the best of luck! I'm sure you can get things done when you put your mind to it! 💛💛💛 Let me know if you ever need anything else!

[archaeopter-ace]

the epigraphs in Metamorphosis

Picking up where this post left off, I’m gonna ramble about my choice of Kafka quotes.

Because apparently I love to make things difficult for myself, I wanted to find quotes that would be considered ‘bad advice’ in these circumstances, to tie it back to ‘don’t listen to kafka’ - but if you ever become a notable literary figure, the sorts of quotes you’re remembered for tend to be the ones with some underlying human truth, not ones that offer bad advice. So I had that working against me. But I figured if nothing else I’d certainly find pessimistic quotes tangentially related to something in the chapter. Those would fit my concept then, because the inverse message would be ‘you don’t have to pessimistic about this.’

Time to break ‘em down!

“I usually solve problems by letting them devour me.” - Franz Kafka 

I put this one in the story summary because I think it expresses how overwhelmed Barbara and Jim are feeling about this whole mess. Also I find it very relatable on a personal level, aha, a missed deadline is resolved and there’s some relief to be found in that. It was originally going to go as a chapter epigraph later in the story, but I really liked it as a summary of the whole story because - spoiler alert for the most recent chapter - the solution to Jim’s problem, i.e. turning into a troll, is, in fact, to do nothing and let the change happen. Only once his human self is completely consumed by his troll self will he be able to regain his human body. So maybe, just this once, Jim actually could Listen To Kafka. (I thought putting an epigraph in the summary might mean I couldn’t also do a dictionary-style definition in stylistic parallel to Autoeponym, but then I just decided why not both? and rolled with it)

Chapter 1: "One advantage to keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of all the changes which you constantly suffer."

I picked this one for chapter one because it carries this notion of cataloguing changes, which the narrative does quite a bit at the start since there’s been a time skip since Autoeponym and we’ve got to set the stage. In fact, in the original draft Barbara was a lot more active in keeping a journal and writing everything down, but then I realized that that would be really uncomfortable for Jim, and thus the line about “dialing back Dr. Lake as much as possible, and pushing Mom to the foreground” was born. I kept the chosen epigraph, even if the diary aspect got nixed, because I think it still fits from an ‘ack, too many changes!’ angle. [Jim should not listen to Kafka because it’d be better for him to just focus on the changes he’s going through, and not frame it as something that he must suffer]

Chaper 2: "So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being." This quote is from his short story, Investigations of a Dog, told from a dog’s POV (not to be confused with Mark Twain’s A Dog’s Tale, also told from a dog’s POV). The chapter connection in this one is with food, because it is the dinner scene. [Jim is unlikely to listen to Kafka in this instance because boy does he ever have a lot of unresolved questions]

The other food-related quote I considered for this chapter was “Now I can look at you in peace; I don’t eat you anymore,” which could maybe have been commentary on Stickler’s potentially-shifting allegiances, but really just seemed to bring Aaarrrgghh’s past up completely out of the blue. (original quote context: Kafka went vegetarian)

Chapter 3:  "I am a cage, in search of a bird."

Oh man, there were so many quotes I considered for this chapter I couldn’t even remember which one I went with off the top of my head and had to look up the posted chapter. The themes I wanted to play with involved imprisonment (hence “a cage”) and the toxicity of Strickler’s manipulations. The ‘don’t listen to kafka’ aspect of this one is cautionary, warning Barbara away from Walter. 

Other quotes I toyed with: 

"You can choose to be free, but it's the last decision you'll ever make”

“I am in chains. Don’t touch my chains.”

“Kill me, or you are a murderer.”

“Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.”

“My guiding principle is this: Guilt is never to be doubted.”

"There is an infinite amount of hope in the universe... but not for us." 

“Association with human beings lures one into self-reflection.”

Something that helps to understand why some of these were considered is knowing that in the early drafts, Strickler was going to try to manipulate Jim into letting him go by arguing that Jim should just kill him, it would be much more merciful than the death Bular would give him for failing in his mission. I had some really nice dialogue mapped out, but then I rewatched Mudslinging and reconsidered in light of Strickler’s thirst for revenge on Jim. By his own admission, Strickler seems to have made out pretty well from the failure to open Killahead, so the idea of revenge for ruining a plan that maybe wouldn’t have been his first choice if he’d had free choice... it seems a little bit of a stretch. He does mention wanting to stop Jim from releasing all the familiars from the Darklands, and he believes the only way to stop Jim from ever doing that is to... murder him brutally. 

I think the revenge Strickler seeks is really for ruined pride, rather than any material damage incurred. So given that I’m dealing with season 1 Strickler and not season 3 or fanon Strickler, the scenes I had written no longer seemed as in-character. He wasn’t quite backed up against the ropes enough for him to be throwing himself on the Trollhunter’s mercy, even if it was a ploy. He’s got other approaches he can take first to talk his way out, ones that keep his dignity more intact.

Chapter 4: "People label themselves with all sorts of adjectives. I can only pronounce myself as 'nauseatingly miserable beyond repair'."

Jim finally has a label for what he is! And he’s having a pretty crummy day, so ‘nauseatingly miserable beyond repair’ also fits. This is one of the chapters I’d considered using the ‘devoured’ quote for. Another one I considered for this chapter was “I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself,” which absolutely fits Jim’s mood, but therein lies the problem: there’s not really a way to see how ‘don’t listen to Kafka' fits. Also it’s not quite as pithy as the one I went with ;P [Jim shouldn’t listen to Kafka because if he labels himself as only miserable, it will be that much harder to feel something other than miserable].

Chapter 5: “I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound or stab us.”

In my original outline, chapters 5 and 6 were combined into one chapter, and then this quote fit very well because part of the chapter would take place in Blinky’s library (full of books). I think it still fits just 5 though, and in the absence of anything better I went with it. Here, the ‘books’ are symbolic of knowledge, and its capacity to inflict plain - in this chapter, Jim learns a lot of painful truths. [Jim shouldn’t listen to Kafka because of course Jim can read fluffy stories as well if he wants to, not all books have to rip your heart out. And more symbolically, not all knowledge has to be painful; though neither can you avoid all the knowledge that is.]

And finally, as a spoiler-free sneak-peak at the next chapter, I will give you the next epigraph!

Chapter 6: “How about I sleep a bit longer and forget all this nonsense.”

I almost used this one for chapter 4, but when I realized I’d probably have to split up chapter 5 I saved it for later. It is my favorite line from Kafka’s Metamorphosis, and it is Gregor Samsa’s first reaction to waking up and discovering that he now a giant cockroach (it actually does take him a while to figure it all out - he can’t move his head so he can’t see himself all that well, and he naturally thinks that he must be dreaming still at first). Jim would very much like to just go to sleep and forget all this nonsense, please

[severe-fangirl-syndrome]

1, 3, 4, 10, 15, 20, 24, 30, 40, 44, 47, 49 for the writers asks?

Thanks a ton for the ask, friend!

1. Do you listen to music when you write?

Yes, but not often. Usually, I only do it when I'm writing something inspired by that song specifically.

3. Computer or pen and paper?

Tough choice, but... computer. Mainly because whenever I put something down on paper, whether a random piece of paper or a notebook, I never manage to find it again. Anything I have recorded digitally is... just as unorganized, honestly, but at least it has to be in the device somewhere.

4. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

Never been published, but maybe, one day, probably in the far, far future, I am definitely tempted to get something published, professionally even.

Though, if this means published as in just posting something on the internet, I haven't posted any actual writing in ages, but I do definitely hope to post more, sooner rather than later

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

Not really, I already know how horrible I am with deadline, they'd just upset me, not to mention getting myself to write something when I'm feeling completely against the idea never works out.

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

Ok, so, I don't actually get writer's block all that often! At least, not complete, total writer's block, where I can't write anything at all. When it comes down to it, I love writing, so if I let my instincts take the lead, there's usually at least something I'd enjoy writing. But if I'm trying to work on a specific project and the words just won't come? I rarely try to tackle writer's block head on. I usually always choose to just take a step back, let myself have a break, write something else that demands less mental effort, then wait for inspiration. My imagination is more hyperactive than not.

20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

Oh..... my God......... why would you ask me that........

Uhhhhh if only just what I consider to be my main, proper, actual WIPs, then around four. If you count the ones that I'm not entirely convinced are legit yet, but have solidified too much to just be going away now, then maybe like... fifteen, including the main four. If... you... really want the estimated total then.......

UHHHHHHHHHHHH

24. Favourite genre to write and read

Oooooohh, tough question. I enjoy a whole lot, and you should know I just love to genre-mash. But, I suppose, if it really comes down to it, I'd have to stick with my age-old answer: fantasy. I've always loved it and I don't hope to stop.

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

Depends what you mean by "haven't started on yet." If I had the idea at all, it probably has at least a few scenes written down already. So, if we just go by a story that hasn't made any progress since those first inspiring lines I put down, then this original story by the working title of "Long Live The Foreign Dead." It's... quite chaotic. To summarize as shortly as possible, it's about a girl working as a grim reaper in a fantasy world.

40. Share some backstory for one of your characters

Ummmmmm, we'll do........ my girl Zoeri, from my Treasure Trove WIP. Her short description is "the blind host of an eldritch horror," and these attributes have affected her since day one.

From the day she was born, and the villagers realized she harboured a demonic entity within her, they wanted to leave her for dead. So they cast her from the village and dumped her in the middle of the forest, but in the end, at least one of the villagers there couldn't bear the thought of leaving a blind, helpless, infant girl all alone to die in the woods, so they went to retrieve her and raised her in secret.

But eventually, either other villagers found out about it, or they watched her take her eldritch form and were too horrified to keep her any longer, she ends up abandoned in the woods again. Someone else finds her, and takes her in again. The formula repeats. She survives by a miracle, even if, usually, she isn't able to stay long enough to develop any substantial bonds.

And, finally, inevitably, as she's only just reached preteen age, no one takes her in again. She ends up alone again, and stays that way this time. She grows up in the woods, largely isolated and wary of all strangers, until the very start of the plot.

44. How much research do you do?

Probably more than what is healthy XD

When I'm only just beginning on a story, or haven't gotten the flow of it going yet, is the most dangerous time, where I am at risk of spending ages on Google looking for this one (1) extremely specific piece of information that somehow lead me to thirty tabs.

But, fortunately, at least, when I've finally picked up the rhythm of writing something, I tend not to spend too long on research. I've learned to put a [***] where something I don't know is meant to go.

47. Best way to procrastinate

Lol idk dude, tumblr or smth? YouTube? The internet in general?

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

That's another difficult question. I think, if it really boils down to it, the choice is... between Deva and Dani, the protagonist of the Treasure Trove WIP and his older sister. I really love Deva, I have to, when he's the leading voice of a project I love, and I'm such a character-centric person. He's just a relatively cool guy in general too.

But also, Deva really cares for and admires Dani, and I look through his eyes a lot so... not to mention, I will confess, she is..... a tad bit of a self insert. Except, like, better than me. At life. She's a slightly more ideal me. I'm certainly tempted to meet someone like that.

[thecorpulentbeagle]

P5 Shipping Round Robin: Final Thoughts

Here are my final thoughts/feelings for this entire experience. Feel free to read or disregard completely!

I will be posting this in a question/answer format, just so it’s not one huge block of text/word vomit. If anyone else who is completing this challenge sees this, I’d love to see your answers to these questions as well!

Why did you decide to do this challenge?

When I first saw this challenge, I thought it would be fun and would help me to try out different styles of writing. I have my favorite characters, as well as ones that I don’t like too much, and I was curious to see who I would write well, and who I would struggle to write.

I also wanted to be able to contribute something to the Persona 5 fandom, since I’ve seen such great artwork and fanfiction – on Tumblr, fanfiction.net, and a variety of other places. It has also been a while since I had posted anything on my fanfiction account, so anything to boost productivity there is a huge plus! In fact, with all these one-shots combined into one story, this is my longest piece on that site as of now!

Who did you think would be the easiest to write when you started? Was that character truly the easiest once you began to write?

To be honest, I thought it would be easiest for me to write my favorite characters: Makoto and Haru. Even though I hadn’t personally seen all ranks 1-10 with them, I had heard about them, plus I focused more on them during the main plot.

Were they the easiest when I started to actually write? Yes and no. I found that writing for Makoto was much more difficult than I thought it would be. She definitely was not the worst (see my answer to the next question for that), but I was surprised at how much I struggled. I found that it was easier to write her with someone more bubbly (like Ann and Futaba) rather than with more subdued individuals, like Akira or Yusuke. I suppose it’s because I see her as a calmer and more collected individual, so if there’s no contrast, it’s harder to make a compelling one-shot.

With Haru, I found that she was rather easy to write. I learned as I wrote that Haru is a much more complicated individual than I had originally thought. She can play the part of the excited and giggling love interest, as well as the more level-headed and rational love interest. It was interesting to see how many ways she could be portrayed, yet still retain the essence of Haru.

However, there were three characters I found surprisingly easy to write: Ann, Ryuji, and Futaba. I think the main reason it was easy to write them was because I have seen all of their ranks 1-10, so I knew a lot more about them than other characters. Futaba has a very distinct personality, so it was fun and easy to play around with that. Ann and Ryuji are both energetic characters as well, so it was easy for me to pair them up with more subdued characters (like Akira and Goro). In short, all of their stories were just really fun (and therefore, easy) to write!

 Who did you think would be the most difficult to write when you started? Was that character truly the most difficult when you began to write?

When I started, I figured that Goro and Yusuke would be the most difficult to write, for two different reasons. Goro is my least favorite Phantom Thief (not exactly the smartest thing to admit on Tumblr, but there ya go), so I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to write his one-shots without them turning nasty or unrepresentative of his true character. With Yusuke, I sometimes find it difficult to get a read on his personality, so I was worried that I’d struggle with making his interactions realistic.

I was pleasantly surprised at how easy Goro’s character was to write. Though he was not the easiest, I found as I wrote that he can be extremely complex, and that makes for really great writing. I feel that I came to appreciate him more as I wrote stories for him.

I will say without a doubt that Yusuke was by far the hardest character for me to write. Every story (with the exception of Ann x Yusuke) had me sitting at my computer screen, staring blankly at it for ten minutes, typing a sentence, and then immediately getting rid of it because it sounded nothing like him.

The hardest story for me to write was Yusuke x Makoto, I think because they are both somewhat subdued individuals, plus they really don’t interact all that much in-game. Most of his humor and appeal flies over my head, so I struggled to write him because I wasn’t sure if I was doing his character justice.

 What lessons have you learned from this experience?

What a generic question!

But seriously, I think one of the main lessons I learned was that all characters from the Phantom Thieves are complex. This challenge forced me to focus on each character, to analyze his or her actions within Persona 5, and to then predict and write out how they would react in my made-up scenarios. It helped me see things from all of the characters’ perspectives, and, as such, I think it’s helped me appreciate all of the characters a little bit more, especially those whom I had previously disliked.

Another (probably obvious) lesson that I learned is that I have a couple new pairings that I enjoy. As stated before, my “Persona 5 OTP” is Okujima, but I found that I also like Ann x Makoto, and Ann x Futaba. This kinda shows that I apparently really like Ann, which I hadn’t considered before starting this challenge!

 Which story’s reception most surprised you?

I think I was surprised at how much attention the Ryuji x Haru, Ryuji x Futaba, Ryuji x Makoto, and Ann x Futaba stories received. I guess those were more popular pairings than I realized! To be fair, the Ryuji stories all had a ship name, which probably indicates that it’s a popular ship. Plus, Ryuji seems to be fairly popular on Tumblr, regardless of pairings.

It was interesting to see how popular the Ann x Futaba one-shot was. It was one of my favorite (and easiest) stories to write, but it’s surprising to think that there are a fair amount of people out there actively looking for this ship!

Also, anything with Yusuke seemed somewhat popular, which is interesting, since I thought those were my weakest one-shots. Interestingly enough, the Yusuke x Goro one-shot was pretty popular as well, and those are the two characters that I thought I would struggle with the most to write!

Something else to note: some of the one-shots that I put the most effort into (like Futaba x Goro, PolyThieves, Makoto x Futaba, and Ann x Haru) were actually on the lower end in terms of notes received. Meanwhile, some stories that I spent a lot less time on (Ryuji x Ann, Akira x Goro, and Yusuke x Goro were literally written the night I had to post) got a lot of attention. It might possibly be the popularity of the pairings, or maybe it means I shouldn’t think too hard about a topic and should just write!

Lastly, I was extremely heartened by the amazing response for the Akira x Makoto one-shot! I put a lot of thought and research into that story, so I’m glad that paid off!

 Any personal stories/reasons that helped you write certain one-shots?

Not really, my life is pretty boring (ha!).

I used my love of goats to write the Yusuke x Futaba story, as well as my fear of roller coasters for my Makoto x Futaba story.

I tried really hard to make the Akira x Futaba one-shot be dramatic and entertaining, since this is my sister’s favorite pairing. I made my favorite pairing of Makoto x Haru how I like romances myself, with quiet moments that show how strongly the two people feel for each other.

I also used plot suggestions from my family to write some of the one-shots. One example was the Makoto x Goro unrequited love one.

 Tips and tricks for anyone who would like to do this challenge?

Make sure that you have at least half of the stories written before you begin the challenge (if not more)! It really saved my butt some nights when I had no inspiration, and the random number generator would place two or three of my completed stories next to each other. Unfortunately, there were some stretches where it placed two or three stories that I had not completed next to each other, and I had to work really hard to write them quickly but with quality.

Also, I would suggest switching around to different stories when you run out of inspiration. Sometimes, I would be writing one story and start to daydream and get distracted, but it would lead to an idea for another story.

One thing that really helped me too was to have an outline for each story. I’m not gonna post my notes (because they’re a mess), but I would essentially have: title, what stage of the relationship the story occurred in, when in the main story it occurred in, who (if anyone) confessed, who had the romantic feelings, whose perspective the one-shot would be from, the main plot, and any significant details. It really helped me to figure out how each story should be written, from dramatic unrequited love to an established mutual relationship.

Take breaks! Do not try and write every single night. You will exhaust yourself, especially if you have work or school. If you’re exhausted, it’s extremely difficult to be creative. I would use the weekends to catch up if I was behind, but there were some weeknights where I stayed up way too late to make a deadline. This did not have a good end result, so make sure that you don’t repeat my mistakes! This is where my first piece of advice comes into play.

And the best piece of advice: Have fun! This experience can be as fun or as dreadful as you make it, so definitely have a positive outlook, even when things seem impossible.

 Final final thoughts?

Hope everyone enjoyed! Please consider doing this challenge yourself – I don’t want to be the only one who suffered through this (kidding… kind of)! There are so many ways that characters could be written, and I’d love to see other interpretations.

I’d also suggest trying this with Persona 3 or 4 characters, since there are a lot of possibilities there as well. I will not be doing that anytime soon (I have officially run out of plots), but I may do something like that in the future!

To sum up, this was a great (and exhausting) experience, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who loves Persona 5 and loves to write. It will really flex your creative muscles. I realized around one-shot number 17 that I was starting to run out of ideas. It’s hard to think of 29 different plots! It will also get you to really appreciate characters that you might not have before.

Goodbye for now, and have fun doing what you do!