#i deal w chronic pain like all the time but that is One that I just cannot handle. have no capacity to cope with it
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wip wednesday :D
tagged by @mrs-theirin; tysm quill!! tagging @arklay @steelport @aartyom @malefiicarum @rosebarsoap @kirnet @shadowglens @narshadda @lavinet @druidgroves @swordcoasts @calenhads @brujah @nuclearstorms @florbelles @shepardgf @devilbrakers @jillvalcntines @morvaris @kymal @risingsh0t @solasan @lvllns @rosykims @aelyosos and you!!!!
have a depressing oddly interpreted take on the taint affecting alistair and rowena đ
The taint came for his hands first.
A side effect of days spent clutching a sword and shield no doubt. His veins went fast, running black and blue overnight. He didn't like looking at them, but Rowena traced them over every night. Hardened bones were next. Protruding metacarpals and thinned knuckles and a noticeable creak in the mornings. Then the pain began. The ache. Days where his joints stiffened to stone, where a grasp clenched too tight refused to come undone, where splaying fingers to their fullest extent proved too much.
Rowena often caught him staring at his hands in the corner of her eye. Busy hands, curious hands, hands made to fidget and gesture and move above all else, now immobile. His worry token went untouched for months, as did many of the things he loved to hold. Flowers in the garden. The mabari's paws. Rowena.
There was a time when Alistair couldn't keep his hands off of her. Affection of the physical kind was a bright and shiny concept and it took time for him to adjust. Rowena could touch him anywhere, after all. It came easy to her, the affection, the initiation. His cheek, his chin, his collarbone--anywhere would do. Eventually, he came to reciprocate. Tentatively at first, as if asking for permission, but confidence came with the security of her affection. Touch became a comfort. A hand around her waist, on her jaw, in her hair. Anywhere would do.
It couldn't have been more different now. He shied away when she reached for his arm to hold, twitched when she kissed his neck in the mornings. Evening baths became sparser until they no longer existed at all, and this Rowena could hardly bear--facing this truth that the old rituals had died, so she clung to the last of them.
No amount of massage relieved the pain, but Rowena would be damned if she didn't try. Nightly, he let her take his hands in her own.
It was a relief each time to see that despite the Taint, Alistair's hands were still his own, broad and square-fingered and devastatingly gentle. Calloused on the underside and scarred by his earliest days with a blade, too young and eager to know any better. And those nights by the firelight, nights where she took his palm in her hands and massaged the ache away, she could see that Alistair's hands were still freckled, just barely. The sun could still shine on him and leave honeyed kisses against his skin and this was one thing the taint could never take. No darkspawn could take the sun.
The night she realized this, she wept silently. She'd stopped him before he could speak, pressed his freckled hand to her cheek before he could pull away, and whispered, "Bathe with me."
Months later, the taint came for her.
For Rowena, it was her vision and it was swift. [reduntant fix this queen lol]
#in my universe the taint wastes away the physical thing you rely on the most#eventually everything is corrupted but it's always your most used ability first#so chronic pain takes alistair's hands and near blindness comes for rowena#spoiler alert unless in da4 they somehow resolve the cure for the calling rowena dies first <3 teehee#SO anyways alistair becomes a lil distant not because he's like. being cold with her. but because like#the insecurity of touch returned. the hesitation. asking if this is okay because of the unspoken recognition that the end is on its way#and he really doesn't know how to deal with that. never knew how to prepare for that#when he cups her face and sees the darkened veins on his wrists and all he can think of is how they can't have this for much longer#that's just!! a lot to handle!! and he needs the reassurance but doesn't know how to communicate it because he lost the ability to ask#aka touch#the bathing part is especially difficult bc ofc evidence of the taint's corruption had spread beyond his hands atp#and he'd have to bare his whole body in front of her and that's like. so vulnerable. when ur dealing w all that#this is probably rlly obvious but sjhdjhfhdjfhjd#i like having aging being a significantly important thing in alistair and rowenaâs relationship#the tragedy of it all#how gaining weight and wrinkles is so bittersweet#because on one hand theyâre growing old together and god can u believe they made it here#but on the other itâs the telltale sign the calling is nearing and itâs just like#okay how much time do we have left. how much time do we have left. how much time do we have left.#how can we enjoy what we have when we want so much more. gray hair and children and arthritis. weâre so weary and weâre so young.#tag game#writing*#x: a soft epilogue#ch: rowena cousland
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pretty sure that I, by completely fucking devil sponsored coincidence, got Actually Sick right when I got a covid shot (or else was lowkey sick and the shot made it Highkey)
cause yeah my asthma has been acting up for a week so something couldâve been hiding out. And the tiredness, chill, and pain when touched are all to be expected for me from the vaccine. But Iâm pretty sure a covid vaccine should not give me a congested nose and sinus drainage (which in turn is causing a sore throat).
so thatâs nifty!
#kit talks#thank god tylenol is mitigating some of the skin pain/pain to touch#i deal w chronic pain like all the time but that is One that I just cannot handle. have no capacity to cope with it#prob in large part because i am very comforted by touch so itâs a fucking Betrayal when being touched hurts
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god i can't wait for the hormone levels to even out again. when they do it's over for y'all
#it's me#(tw vent in the tags)#for reference: i use a gel pump for my testosterone#but for some reason there's more gel you can pump out than there is gel w/ testosterone#so each time i start a new bottle there's a few days at the very beginning where i'm getting next to no testosterone#because there's a few pumps of gel--that they don't tell you to remove anywhere! they just say ''pump three times to prime'' and nothing#else!--that doesn't have any testosterone#and i'm only on one pump a day#so for those few days without testosterone. and a bit after those few days. my hormones are way wonky#i started a new bottle a little under a week ago#unfortunately even once i get the proper dose of testosterone it takes time for hormone levels to even back out#so i'm stuck dealing with extra chronic pain + migraines + dislocation/sublux risk because of fucky hormones until they eventually even out#hopefully it's only another day or two before things go back to normal for me#but at the same time. ow! owchie! owww!!!!#i feel like that fucking Homer Simpson meme#it literally hurt to yawn for like a day and a half. it would be just a band of pain going from the junction between the back of my head &-#--my neck#all the way up and around to my temples#and it was specifically yawning. i could open my mouth as wide as i wanted but as soon as the tension came in from yawning it was all over#luckily forcing through it and yawning a few times seemed to fix it#but dear god it was uncomfortable
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đąâđ„đ„ đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đ„đšđšđ€ đšđźđ đđšđ« đČđšđźá”Êłâ·Âł
*gif by @makarhughes
in which mattâs helped y/n through her chronic illness for years, but one night, it all becomes too much.
warnings; chronic illness (lupus), hospitals + hospitalization, worried matt rempe
When you were 14, you sat in the sterile doctor's office, your hands trembling slightly as you waited for test results. You had been feeling off for monthsâfatigue, joint pain, strange rashesâand you knew something was wrong, but hearing the words "You have lupus" felt like the ground was pulled from beneath you. Your chest tightened as the doctor explained the diagnosis, your mind racing with questions you didnât know how to ask. All you could think about was how this would affect your life, your schooling, and the people you loved. You felt numb, unable to process it all at once.
When you were 19, you had met Matt during an off-season charity event. You were volunteering at an animal shelter, and hadnât expected much from the night, just another hockey fundraiser with a few familiar, but many unfamiliar faces. But when you were introduced to Matt, something clicked. He was easygoing, with a quiet charm that drew you in right away. You guys spent the evening talking, first about hockey, then about everything else. By the end of the night, you were laughing like old friends. You hadn't thought much of it at first, but as time went on, your paths kept crossing, and it became clear that meeting Matt wasnât just a coincidenceâit was the start of something that changed your life.
Telling Matt about your chronic illness had been one of the hardest things you ever did. You remembered the night clearly, sitting across from him with your hands clenched tightly in your lap. Your heart pounded as you struggled to find the right words, terrified of how he might react, âI have lupus.â you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. You couldnât bring yourself to look at him, afraid of seeing pity or disappointment in his eyes. But instead of pulling away, Matt gently reached for your hand, his quiet reassurance easing some of the weight youâd been carrying alone for so long.
Ever since then, heâd been the absolute sweetest boyfriend â always taking care of you when things got rough, and always reassuring you about your strength and resilience. It had even gotten to the point where Matt had offered to take games and practices off, but you always told him no. Despite his reluctance, he always listened to you.
While you had been feeling okay over the past couple of weeks, today was one of those days.
It had been one of those mornings where you knew, as soon as you opened your eyes, that it was going to be a rough day. Your body ached in ways that made it hard to move, and a low fever had settled in overnight, leaving you feeling drained. You groaned softly, rolling over and catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirrorâ the familiar butterfly-shaped rash had returned, bright across your cheeks.
Matt wasnât in bed next to you. You cursed to yourself as you realized the time, noting that he was at morning practice. You groaned, tears welling up in your eyes at the pain you were in. You tried to fight through it and get out of bed, but the pain was too much. You felt helpless. With the strength you did have, you reached out to grab your phone off of the nightstand next to you, sending a quick text to Matt.
one of those days. will you be home soon?
You waited anxiously for Mattâs reply, but didnât have to wait long.
leaving the arena now. be home soon, my love.
On the other end of the phone, Matt could sense something was wrong. Even when you were dealing with a flare up, you were as independent as could be. You hated asking for help, because it made you feel like you were a burden. The fact that you texted him was a miracle in itself.
When he got home, he set his gear down in the garage and made his way up the stairs to your room as quickly as he could. Within minutes, he was sitting beside you on the bed, concern etched on his face. âHow are you feeling?â he asked gently, brushing a hand across your forehead to check for a fever. You were burning up.
âBetter now that youâre here,â you joked, cracking a small smile, but Matt could see right through it. He smiled at you sadly, climbing into bed next to you. He could see the exhaustion in your eyes. Whenever you went through a flare up, you felt as though you could sleep for days on end.
âYeah, yeah, I know,â he rolled his eyes, settling down under the blankets as you gently placed your head on his shoulder, âclose your eyes, love, and just rest. Iâll be here when you wake up.â
So you did.
Matt stayed close all day, making sure you stayed hydrated when you woke up, adjusting the pillows when you needed more comfort, and even gently applying cool compresses to your face when the heat of your fever became unbearable. Every time you tried to apologize or downplay your discomfort, he stopped you with a quiet, reassuring smile, âIâve got you,â heâd say, his voice calm and steady.
By the time bedtime came around, you were still achy, but the fever had gone down a little, and the rash had begun to fade. Matt had barely left your side, keeping the TV on low and talking to you softly, filling the silence with easy conversation to distract you from the pain. As the two of you lay in bed that night, Mattâs arm draped protectively over you, and you felt a deep sense of comfort. You hated feeling weak, but with Matt, it never felt like you had to fight alone.
As you fluttered off to sleep, Matt pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. He loved it when you slept â you were so extremely beautiful, and he knew that sleeping took the pain away for a brief moment of time. At the same time, however, he couldnât help but worry. It had been a long time since heâd seen a flare up this bad, but you had gotten through it. That gave him just enough solace to fall asleep next to you after hours of worrying as you slept, his arm still draped gently over your body.
Within minutes of his eyes closing, Matt stirred in his sleep, feeling you shift beside him. He was exhausted, having stayed by your side all day, but heâd never leave you when you were having such a rough time with your illness. He had only just fallen asleep when he felt a light tug on his arm.
âMattâŠâ your voice was faint, barely a whisper in the dark room, but there was an unmistakable tremor in it that shot adrenaline through him.
He blinked his eyes open and sat up quickly, heart already pounding. âHey, whatâs wrong?â he asked, trying to keep his voice steady, even though dread immediately settled in his chest.
You looked at him, your face pale and clammy, beads of sweat dotting your forehead. You swallowed hard, struggling to speak. âI⊠I donât feel right. Itâs never been this bad before. I think⊠I think I should go to the hospital.â
Mattâs stomach dropped. The words hit him like a punch, and suddenly, he was wide awake, fear gnawing at him. He kept his face calm, thoughïżœïżœïżœhe had to. If you saw how scared he was, it would only make you panic.
âOkay,â he said gently, his voice even though his mind was racing. âLetâs get you there. Can you sit up?â
You nodded weakly, but as you tried to move, you winced in pain, and Matt immediately reached over, helping you. His hands were steady, though inside, his chest felt like it was caving in. You were never the type to admit that you needed help, and hearing you say that you wanted to go to the hospital made his heart twist in his chest.
Once you were sitting up, Matt quickly grabbed a sweatshirt for you, carefully sliding it over your shoulders before easing your legs over the side of the bed. âIâve got you,â he murmured, his hands never leaving you as he helped you stand.
Every second felt like it stretched on forever. In his mind, he was already imagining the worstâwhat if something was really wrong? What if you were in more pain than you let on? But outwardly, he stayed calm, focusing on the next step. He needed to get you to the hospital, and everything else could wait.
Once the two of you were in the car, Matt kept glancing over at you, his hand gripping the wheel tighter than necessary. âYouâre doing great,â he said softly, hoping the words would bring you some comfort, though the knot in his stomach tightened every time you shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
âIt hurts,â you cried out, your voice shaky as you gripped your stomach and leaned forward to rest your head on the dashboard. Matt flinched at the pain in your voice, tears gathering in his eyes, but he couldnât let them spill.
âI know, baby, I know. Weâre almost there, just hold on.â
The drive felt like it took forever, every red light adding another layer to Mattâs mounting anxiety. But he didnât rush. The last thing you needed was a reckless driver on top of everything else.
When you finally arrived at the hospital, Matt helped you out of the car, wrapping his arm securely around your waist as you guys made your way inside. The bright lights and sterile smell of the hospital hit him hard, but he kept his focus on you, his heart aching at how much pain you seemed to be in.
As Matt checked in, you leaned heavily against him, your head resting on his shoulder. You hadnât said much since the car ride, and Mattâs worry spiked even higher.
The nurse took both of you to a room, and once you were settled on the hospital bed, Matt pulled a chair close, refusing to leave your side. The doctors came in, asking you questions. Although you were obviously in tremendous pain, the doctors wouldnât let up and get you help. But all Matt could do was watch, his hands clenched together in his lap, his mind screaming for answers.
When the doctors left to run tests, Matt finally let out a breath he didnât realize he was holding. He took your hand, squeezing it gently. âYouâre gonna be okay, alright? Theyâll figure out whatâs going on.â
You gave him a small, tired nod, your eyes glassy from pain and exhaustion. âThanks for staying calm,â you whispered, your voice weak but filled with gratitude.
Matt forced a smile, leaning down to kiss your forehead. âAnything for you.â But inside, his heart was racing, every second dragging on painfully as he waited for some kind of news. He kept stroking your hand, praying silently that everything would be okay, all while forcing his expression to stay calm.
For your sake, he would hold it together. But the second you were out of this hospital, heâd let all his fear and worry flood outâjust not yet. Not until you were okay.
Within minutes, you had passed out from exhaustion. The doctors moved quickly around you. Matt stood by your side, holding your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in an attempt to soothe both you and himself. Although you were asleep, he could feel the tension in your grip, the way you were holding on to him like he was your anchor in a storm.
âIâm right here,â he whispered softly, leaning closer to you. âYouâre going to be okay. Iâm not going anywhere.â
But even as he said it, the fear gnawed at him. What if you werenât okay? What if this time was worse than before?
The doctors were speaking in low tones, their words just out of reach, and Mattâs stomach churned as he tried to make sense of it all. He wanted to demand answers, to make them tell him what was going on, but he couldnât leave you. He needed to stay with you, to keep you calm, even as his own fear threatened to overwhelm him.
After what felt like an eternity, the doctor approached, her expression serious but not alarming. Matt held his breath.
âWeâre going to admit Y/N for observation,â the doctor explained. âHer symptoms are concerning, but weâre taking all the necessary steps to stabilize her. Weâll get her comfortable and monitor her closely.â
Matt nodded, swallowing hard. âIs she going to be okay?â
The doctor offered a small, reassuring smile. âWeâre doing everything we can. Sheâs in good hands, Mr. Rempe.â
Matt thanked her, but his focus was already back on you. You were still holding his hand, your grip weak but steady, your eyes still closed as they wheeled you toward a permanent room. His chest tightened again, but he forced himself to stay composed, even though he was falling apart inside.
Once you were in the room, Matt sat down beside your bed, his hand still clutching yours. The room was quiet, the beeping of machines the only sound breaking the silence. Your breathing had calmed slightly, but you looked so pale, so fragile, that it nearly broke him.
He leaned forward, resting his forehead on your joined hands, his voice barely above a whisper. âIâm here. Youâre going to get through this, okay? Youâre stronger than this. I know you are.â
And even though he was terrified, even though the fear still clawed at him, Matt knew heâd stay with you through it all. No matter how scared he was, no matter how hard it got, he wouldnât leave your side.
You were everything to him, and heâd do whatever it took to make sure you were okay. Even if that meant staying up all night, fighting sleep when his eyes would flutter shut. The clock struck 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, and so on, but the boy refused to sleep, his tired eyes glancing over to you in concern more times than he could count. Time moved slowly, but that didnât matter to Matt.
The next morning, around 9:00, sunlight filtered through the thin curtains of the hospital room, casting a soft glow across the bed. You blinked awake slowly, the familiar beeping of machines and the sterile hospital scent filling your senses. As you adjusted to the light, your eyes immediately found Matt.
He was still in the same chair beside your bed, his posture tense but upright. His hand was still holding yours, his grip firm even though he looked utterly exhausted. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and it was clear he hadnât slept at all. His face was slightly scruffy, and his hair was messy from running his hands through it all night, but his gaze was focused entirely on you, concern etched deeply into his features.
âMatt?â your voice came out raspy, your throat dry from a night of fitful sleep. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, trying to pull his attention back from wherever his thoughts had drifted.
His eyes snapped to yours, relief flooding his expression as soon as he saw you were awake. He immediately leaned forward, his tired features softening. âHey,â he whispered, his voice thick with fatigue. âYouâre awake.â
You nodded slowly, your body still heavy with exhaustion, but you could already feel the difference. You felt betterâweak, but a little better, âYou stayed up all night?â you asked softly, your heart aching at the sight of him so worn out, knowing he had been up watching over you.
Matt gave you a tired smile, but his eyes were filled with love and relief. âYeah,â he admitted, his voice gentle, âI didnât want to sleep in case you needed me.â
You frowned, your heart swelling with love for him, but also a hint of guilt creeping in. âMatt, you didnât have to do that. You need rest too.â
He shook his head quickly, his thumb brushing gently over the back of your hand. âIâm fine. I wanted to be here. The only thing that matters is you.â
The emotion in his voice made your chest tighten, and you felt tears prick your eyes as you looked at him. You knew he was tired, that he had been running on pure adrenaline and fear since the two of you had arrived at the hospital, but there he was, still sitting by your side, refusing to leave.
âI donât know what Iâd do without you,â you whispered, your voice breaking slightly.
Matt leaned forward, his free hand brushing a stray tear from your cheek. âYou wonât ever have to find out,â he said softly, his voice filled with quiet conviction. âIâm not going anywhere, Y/N. Iâm always going to be here for you. No matter how hard things get.â
Your throat tightened, and you couldnât stop the tears that welled up in your eyes. âI hate that youâre worrying so much,â you whispered. âI hate that you have to deal with this because of me.â
Mattâs expression softened, and he shifted in his chair, leaning in closer to you. âYouâre not a burden, Y/N. Not even close. Iâd do this a thousand times over if it meant being here for you. Youâre everything to me.â
The sincerity in his words made your heart swell, and you couldnât hold back the tears anymore. You let them fall silently, grateful for his unwavering support, his love that never faltered even when things got tough. You squeezed his hand tightly, wanting him to know how much he meant to you, how much his presence had kept you grounded through everything.
âI love you,â you whispered, your voice barely audible, but the words filled with all the emotion you couldnât fully express.
Mattâs face softened even more, and he leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. âI love you too,â he murmured, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment before he pulled back to meet your eyes. âMore than anything.â
You stayed like that for a while, the room filled with a quiet peace as you held onto each other. You could feel the weight of everythingâyour illness, the hospital, the fearâstart to lift, replaced by the warmth and comfort of Mattâs love. He had been your rock through it all, never wavering, never leaving your side.
âYou should rest now,â you whispered softly, your hand still holding onto his. âYouâve done so much for me. Let me take care of you for a little bit.â
Matt chuckled softly, the sound warm and soothing despite his exhaustion. âMaybe in a little while,â he said with a tired smile. âBut right now, I just want to be with you.â
You smiled up at him, your heart full. âYouâre the best,â you whispered, your voice filled with affection.
Matt gave you a soft smile, his eyes filled with nothing but love. âYeah,â he said quietly, brushing a thumb gently over your knuckles, âI know.â
You chuckled softly, an eye roll quickly following. But as the morning light filled the room, the two of you stayed there, wrapped in the quiet comfort of each otherâs presence, knowing that together, you could face whatever came next.
That was until you checked the time, however. You groaned, and Mattâs head shot up, his brows furrowing as he looked over at you to figure out what was wrong, âMatthew Rempe! What happened to morning practice?â
And that was the first time he had left your side.
#nhl#matt rempe#matthew rempe#nyr imagines#nyr#ny rangers#new york rangers imagines#new york rangers#rangers hockey#matt rempe imagine#matt rempe imagines#mr73#matt rempe 73#matt rempe blurb#matt rempe blurbs#nhl hockey#hockey imagines#nhl imagines#hockey#hockey imagine#matt rempe one shot#mr73 imagines
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Ëââ§đ[ Pain in the Ass ]đËââ§
â Synopsis; Billy Butcher comforts(?) you as you deal with chronic pain
â CW; swearing, chronic pain, mentions of self-medication, references to ableism, Butcher might be a bit OOC (sorry), implied romantic attraction
â A/n- Iâm still nervous about writing scenarios/short fics but i wanted to try it out since I really like this prompt. Hopefully it turned out alright- enjoy!
Youâd done your best- really you had. All morning, quotes from people who thought they knew better, your parents, your own fucking doctors- everybody saying itâs just âmind over matterâ- echoing in your head. Classic platitudes youâve heard since you were younger; people trying to relate, but instead, minimizing your pain.
âOh yeah I get it- sometimes my stomach hurts, too.â
âHeadaches suck but it could always be worse right?â
âYou canât let pain control you.â
âFuck those stupid God damn- agh!â
Annoyed grumbles turn into a sharp gasp as another wave of pain shoots through your joints. This paired with the stomach/headache combo from this morning was really wearing you down.
And now you were reaching a point of desperation. The medicine youâd been prescribed proved itself useless against the pain today- and sure you could ask for some meds from Frenchieâs stash but⊠that option should be saved as a last resort. You could ask for help from Hughie, Kimiko or M.M. Surely one of them would be kind enough to pick up more of your prescription or grab you some heating pads- but then again, going out in public could put them at risk. You couldnât ask them to put their lives in danger for something so trivial.
Never had it crossed your mind to ask Butcher for help. Worst case scenario, he kicks you out of the group for being weak- best case scenario? He says something ableist and leaves you to fend for yourself. No. Youâre not dealing with that shit, especially not now.
A knock on the door to your little âbedroomâ signaled that a higher power had other plans for you.
âYaâalright in there, love?â Butcherâs voice, in any other scenario would have been a pleasant surprise- but in this moment of vulnerability? It was like hearing death bells toll.
âYeah- yep- yep Iâm good, thanks.â Your curt reply was not unusual to Butcher, but certainly not preferred. Slightly worrisome, even. You hadnât come out all morning, and now youâre miffed with him? He hadnât even done anything to piss you off! Today, at least.
He tries the doorknob, letting out a frustrated huff when it turns out to be locked.
"Trying to let yourself in? See, you're why God made locks."
"Come now, no need for the 'ostility-"
You rolled your eyes as Butcher began his usual spew of excuses, but one in particular caught your attention. It was near the end of his little monologue- softer, quieter, and spoken with a hint of uncertainty.
"and besides⊠can't have ya crappin' out on us, yeah?"
Even from in your room, you could hear the uncomfortable shuffling of a man unacquainted with emotional vulnerability.
"I'm not 'crapping out' on anyone," you scoff, wincing as more pain sears through your body. "But.. I could use some hel- hey!"
Before you could even finish your sentence, the door "magically" opened- and there Butcher stood, sly smirk on his face, lockpick in hand. He catches your gaze and shoves the pick back in his pocket.
"So then, what seems to be the problem, eh?"
God, it's going to sound so ridiculous when you say it out loud. Compared to what everyone's been through, saying "my tummy hurts" isn't really a matter of urgency.
But it's more than a stomach or headache on it's own. It's more than your joints occasionally aching and popping. It's been every goddamn day for as long as you could remember. Would it really be so wrong to ask for help?
âItâs just been.. pain. All day.â
âIs that all? Aâright, where does it âurt?â
ââŠEverywhere. All the time.â
Your response caught Butcher off-guard. Heâd been expecting some minor complaints, or even a sarcastic retort about what an ass he was being. The cocky, confident expression was replaced with one of concern as he caught a glimpse of the medications littering the nightstand. Surprisingly enough, they were all your own prescriptions. Probably not strong enough for whatever you were dealing with, Butcher reckons.
âYou tried Frenchieâs stash?â he sighs, playful demeanor gone as he goes fishing in his pocket for cigarettes and a light.
âIâm.. saving that as a last resort.â
Butcher lets out a âhmphâ as he lights a cigarette, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke out the door.
âWhat dâya need?â
âSorry?â
He takes another drag, this time blowing the smoke out his nose. âMake me a list, I can grab whatâcha need.â
It was hard to tell whether or not Butcher was annoyed with you. On one hand, you could appreciate the concern. On the other, it was almost certain Butcher was frustrated with this show of âweakness.â It took you a moment to find the right words- not necessarily wanting to decline the offer, but hesitant to voice your needs.
âYou donât need to grab anything. Meds arenât helping today, and I canât ask you to put yourself at risk. But if youâre offering⊠I wouldnât mind some companyâŠâ
Uneasy silence smothered the room until Butcher finally sighed, dropping his cig on the floor and putting it out before walking into the room, taking long, slow steps. He grabs a nearby chair, loud scraping assaulting your ears as Butcher drags it to the side of your bed, plopping himself down and crossing his arms. More uncomfortable silence envelops the two of you until you decide to speak up.
"You don't have to be here if you don't want to, y'know."
"I know," Butcher mumbles. He glances at you out of the side of his eye, gaze softening as he watches you wince as yet another wave of pain rolls through your body.
Black spots invade your vision as the aching in your body worsens. You let out a low groan, hands gripping the sheets tightly as you wait for this wave to pass.
A larger, calloused hand covers one of yours, startling you enough to open your eyes. Through the black spots, you swore you could see Butcher's hand on yours, thumb rubbing your knuckles softly.
"You'll uh.. You'll be a'right."
You let out a weak laugh at the awkward, but sweet attempt at comfort.
With how little you'd expected from him, this gentle, caring side to Butcher was a welcome surprise. As the pain dissipates, your eyes begin to flutter closed.
"How about ya take it easy today. I'll tell the others not to bother ya, and I'll come back 'n keep ya company." Butcher's voice is soft- unexpectedly considerate.
Nodding weakly, you lean your head back, shifting against the pillows to get comfortable once again.
Butcher squeezes your hand, keeping a firm hold on you as you drift back to sleep.
#billy butcher#william butcher#the boys#the boys x reader#billy butcher x reader#william butcher x reader#butcher x reader#romantic x reader#tw chronic pain#tw abelism#writings.onthe.wall
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I JUST REALIZED MY MAIN PROBLEM WITH TRADITIONAL PAIN SCALES
they assume that pain = discomfort
so i was reading a post the ither day abt how you should rank your discomfort as well as your pain
and i just realized that that's kinda what i was tryna do whenever i ranked my pain in tge past
i was trying to smoosh my pain and discomfort levels into one number, and that just doesn't work for me
i'm in pain most of the time, but that doesn't mean i'm uncomfortable
i can be sitting down, comfy as can be, and have a 3 or 4 or 5 or higher pain rating
cause i'm in pain all the time
take my knees: they hurt p regularly, typically low level but it escalates quick. when my knees are at a 4 or 5, i'm perfectly comfortable.
this is something i'm used to and that ik how to deal with.
ADDITUONAL TANGENT BC I HAD THIS THOUGHT RIGHT NOW
traditional pain scales also are like "if you're in so much pain you can't move, you're a ten"
the levels are reliant on how they affect you physically, on how much they limit you
but i'm disabled and have chronic pain
when i'm at a zero pain level my actions are still limited, i still can't do some things or have to have supports
traditional pain scales are designed for abled people.
i can push through a 7 pain level.
i had dry socket, and it sucked. at the time i called it a 7.5, and so didn't go to the dentist for several days bc everyone i knew said it would be worse than that
and now i'm realizing that i was basing it off of abled people pain scales
i was physically capable of moving, eating, and generally going abt my day, so it couldn't be a 10
now that i'm thinking back, i'd call it a 10, or worse.
it was terrible, awful, agony.
it hurt to speak or touch my cheek, it hurt to chew or swallow, it damn near hurt to breathe
but i could power through it
it was the worst pain of my life
but i was physically capable of living my life, so it couldn't be as bad as i thought, right?
w r o n g
and when i got an abscess on the other side?
the only reason i went in any quicker is bc my cheek swole up to the size of a softball
(some of this problem is bc i have the tism and take some shit very literally, and the pain scale is smth i learned as a kid so i took it Extra LiterallyTM, but the tism is ALSO A DISABLING DISABILITY so, yaknow)
anyway, i digress
tldr; traditional pain scales are designed for abled people, and they rlly rlly do not work for me, at all
#disability#chronic pain#disabled#chronic illness#autism#chronically ill#actually autistic#chronic disability#chronically disabled#chronically fatigued#actually disabled#physically disabled#physical disability#mentally disabled#mental disability#etc etc#pain scale
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thinking about a time travel/bodyswap au where past!house (med school era?) and current!house swap places and both versions of Wilson go feral from how horny they find the age gap (also thinking about a whumpy bodyswap au where wilson and house swap bodies, forcing wilson to deal w chronic pain and recognising how he's been a dick re: acknowledging house's pain, all while wilson suffersâmaybe can't handle it without vicodin but tries to hide it if he takes any bc maybe house was clean pre-swap)
OHHHH ANON YOUR MIND. GENIUS. HOLY FUCK
fresh-faced young house and older wilson.... ough. fuck. i was going to put some additional commentary or something here but i thought about them for one second and got so hard i almost passed out and immediately forgot what i was going to say. waoughghh
and of course older house and young wilson... wilson all starry-eyed at this scruffy, gruff older guy who's entirely enamoured with him. house is almost old enough to be his dad and he gets soooo hot and bothered abt it... i'm sure he has a wild time trying to unpack all of THAT lmaooo
AND THE REGULAR BODY SWAP OH MY GOD. so much angst potential there... the dread of not knowing if they'll be able to swap back, house feeling conflicted because he loves being able to move around freely again but of course he knows EXACTLY what wilson is going through and doesn't want him to go through the pain. wilson being stubborn and ashamed and scared and WAGHAGRHRGHGHH.
head in hands shaking like a chihuahua with how feral this is making me feel FUCK!!! anon i am kissing you on the mouth /nf /p
#asks#suggestive#house md#hilson#sorry for leaving this in the askbox for like a week btw. i am Silly#also in the last one... i imagine house in wilson's body would not be shaving. and.#waoughhhhh wilson w stubble makes me so genuinely insane it's not even funny
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Heyyy! I hate to be annoying and request again- Ik your busy and you donât have to do this requests at all or anytime soon but IF and only IF you want and can- could you do an UA Albert Shaw x male (or gn) reader who has CDH? (chronic daily headaches)
Iâve been really struggling with it and today has just been horrible đđđ» Iâve been crying about it like all day if Iâm being honest âčïžđ€đ»
Thank youuuuu either wayyy! Iâm so in love with your writing!!
Omg!!! I deal with CDH myself and this request really hit home and was a very easy one to write. I understand the pain of what youâre going through completely and truly hope you find relief. Today has been a horrible head day for me as well. Tried all the usual remedies and ice pack but nada. Having a headache all of the time sucks the joy out of life, ugh!! :( I hope this can make you feel just the slightest bit better though at least. Enjoy! <3
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Alt!Albert Shaw x Reader w/ CDH - HCs
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Warnings: non-graphic mentions of vomit and illness
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Read below the cut! âŹïž
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It makes Al really sad to see you feelinâ all yucky.
Of course, if he could, heâd do a little magic trick and take it allllll away from you. And, poof! Youâd never have to worry again.
Unfortunately, thatâs a little bit outside of his abilities as a part-time magicianâŠ
But!!
But but but!!!
Albert will take care of you as best as he can!
If he canât take them away, heâll do just about whatever he can to make you comfortable. Just say the word, sweet boy.
Al put in some low lighting options in the bedroom and throughout the rest of the house in case the brightness ever becomes too much.
Heck, heâll take the day off of work to spend it with you, if itâll help.
Always packs painkillers and sunglasses in the van incase you need them. Keeps a frozen bag of peas in the freezer to double as an ice pack.
Thereâs no reason to feel ashamed or bad if you canât fulfill certain promises or tasks due to not feeling well. It happens, and itâll be a-okay! Pinky promise.
If youâre having a particularly bad day or if your headaches ever end up as migraines, Al is there with a wastebasket and a cool rag if you happen to get sick to your stomach.
Al rubs your back, gently soothing and comforting you.
Donât you even worry your silly self about getting up. Al brings you ice water to be sure you stay hydrated and (canned, heâs still not much of a cookâŠ) soup to keep your tummy full.
Date night at home!! Sometimes maybe you donât feel like going out, Al understands. How about he orders a pizza or Chinese takeout? Heâll even put on your favorite movie and turn down all the lights. Itâs just like going to the theater, except Samson is there to lay his head in your lap!
Naps. Naps, naps, naps. He is 100% a believer that everyone needs a nap sometimes. Albert is more than happy to curl up with you in bed or on the couch. Lay your head against him and relax.
#creepycassidy#the grabber#albert shaw#x reader#the grabber x reader#the grabber x you#Ethan Hawke#the grabber headcanons#Albert Shaw headcanons#Albert Shaw x Reader#user:mylovenox#tw illness#tw vomit
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It's been a while since I've submitted anything, but no pressure ^.^
Romances react to Fem!Inquisitor dealing w/ debilitating chronic pain. They hid it for so long because they were worried they wouldn't be an effective leader if it was known they were always in pain. (I am dealing with it myself so if you want specifics, hip and shoulder pain. Frequent migraines.)
Cassandra: She sees it right away.
Seekers of Truth have a calling to watch for magic, and that is their primary duty. But in that pursuit the martial and combat arts have always featured heavily, and in her tenure with the order Cassandra has trained more than one apprentice to the sword and shield and fighting arts. Young people are so impatient to learn and eager to show their prowess, even in the face of injury; women tolerate pain better and hide even more, already feeling the difference on the field.
All of that experience means that Skyhold's seeker sees the short swings and tighter movements, the subtle winces and how their lady inquisitor always sits just close enough to the fire on even the warmest nights. There are no injuries to cause this, and after a life of combat Cassandra is well versed with the sapping radiating ache of chronic and untreated pain.
"You are a herald, not Andraste herself. You must tell me or one of the others if you are in pain. We will support you. Come with me-- I will show you how to wrap your shoulders and we will find a new stance to help your hips. I have a tea that will help your head."
Varric: Ten years of fighting the good fight in Kirkwall can leave anyone with a few aches that just don't go away, and his keen eye for detail does not miss the signs. Blondie hasn't been around to tend those joints and muscles for a long time (not that Varric would trust him anymore regardless), and so a shopping list goes out to those merchants who specialize in a few key purchases.
Its after a late round of wicked grace, when there is no one else to save face for, that Varric briefly blocks her path and heaves a crate into his arms.
"This might be a poor story for heroes, Herald, but that doesn't mean you get to martyr yourself before the final act. Don't ask what is in the muscle balm, you don't want to know. Burns like bad whiskey but it works. Got some servants putting cushions on that throne for you, and Dennet has a good padded saddle like the jousters use. Few other things too."
He doesn't let them demur, and instead takes the crate to their quarters for them to avoid an argument. "You give enough, sunshine. Let us give back."
Solas: Chronic ailments are the most frustrating to manage, for there is no simple cure. When her pain follows her even into the Fade Solas can feel it, and when there is time he sits with the Herald and is gentle but firm.
"There is no reason to suffer-- your silence does not make the pain noble, no more than asking for help is callow. We will find a way to make this better for you, if you will only let us."
They establish a routine of slow healing spells to reduce the worst of the pain, and Solas coordinates with spirits of healing and valor to ease her sleeping mind and guard her dreams. Better rest and continual treatment are the best he can offer-- his guilt at aggravating her suffering he will carry in silence.
Sera: Hurting is stupid. Hurting when there is no injury is stupid. Stupid bodies are stupid!
Without any solid healing training there isn't much Sera can do to cure the symptoms. But the softest cushions and pillows find their way into the inquisitor's quarters, and the not insignificant portion of Skyhold's staff that coordinate through the Red Jenny keep her abreast (ha) of how their herald is doing. Sera ends up coordinating with those who can help, and heading off the most boring and unnecessary work so that their inquisitor can rest.
Blackwell: A hard life on the road adds up on any warrior, and the Herald is putting so much into a short amount of time. He knows the aching of his own joints enough to recognize it in her, but understands the need to hide any sign of weakness enough to not wish her embarrassment.
And so on the road he is less careful at measuring out the herbs to ease pain, and uses waste as an excuse to keep her cup full of the draught. He works with the others to make sure she has the best ground for her tent, and watches are coordinated so that she has ample time to rest.
When it finally does come to a head, his answer is simple and gruff-- but honest. "You alleviate enough suffering, my lady. Let me help when I can."
Vivienne: She is not fooled. Caretakers, when it comes to knowing the ins and outs of pain and the necessity of treating it, rarely are. The inquisitor is of course due her pride, and Madame de Fer can find no fault with keeping even the rumor of weakness at bay. The game is ruthless when it smells blood in the water, after all.
But that does not mean she lets the situation go unaddressed, and who but one of the most talented alchemists in Orlais to treat the Herald herself? The regiment starts off trial and error, as most treatments must, but in time the first enchanter isolates and perfects the tonics needed to lessen the worst of the aches and negate the migraines. Magic and herb work hand in hand, and few truly appreciate how much good can be done with just a shaving of root and leaf and the proper spells. She can even make them pleasant to the tongue.
"Think nothing of it, my dear. Though I do hope you will accompany me to my tailor's salon, next time we both grace Val Royeaux. There are better options for your comfort than...whatever they are having you wear now."
Dorian: Few physicians and even fewer magic users will ever gain the minute and detailed understanding of the human body quite like the necromancer. It is a study down to the cellular level, and understanding is key when knowing how much mana is required to reanimate bone and muscle. Many famous Mortalitasi were also famed healers, and for those who straddle the line between life and death it is the body that builds the bridge.
Dorian is no slouch in his own field, of course, but in truth it was the long months he spent with Felix that sharpened his novice healer's gaze. His late friend was never good at letting anyone know the extent of his suffering, and so the scion of House Pavus became a seer of suffering. The smallest shift or wince, or even the dillation of the pupil were enough to prompt rest or food or a restoration potion.
The Blight made all of his stud complex and hard to chart-- at the risk of down playing their leader's condition, chronic pain is childs play in comparison. She has only to lean back in her saddle at a certain angle (indicative of pain in the hips) before Dorian is bemoaning the Southern terrain and demanding a rest. The stoop of her shoulders after a long march will cut even the most important missions short, and Dorian is both vain and selfish enough on occasion to make all the delays entirely his fault.
The Inquisitor has chosen intelligent persons for her cirlce, thankfully, and after awhile the others catch onto his game. They still let his play the shirking violet, mostly for their Herald's sake, but as a rule the entire squad defers to the Tevinter's judgement on their inquisitor's condition. And that self same anatomical knowledge means that on the worst days Dorian calls heat into his hands and works the muscles and joints in theraputic massage until at least the edge of the pain is gone.
(The lack of rumors following the sounds of those massages might annoy the inquisition's resident necromancer, but the simple fact is everyone has heard him and the iron bull by that point and no one is fooled.
Shame.)
The Iron Bull: Having only one eye does not lessen his attention to detail, and like Dorian the Ben- Hassrath agent learns to read their leader's tells quickly. Stitches will be glad to have someone who actually wears the poultices for once, and when they are in the kind of terrain where horses cannot go (and he sees the pain wearing lines in far too young a face), he is the easiest solution.
"Now boss, come on! Think of the mayhem you can unleash from ten feet in the air! You'll be at rift height, really get them sputtering. Say, think if you get at the right angle you can get a rock into the Fade?"
Cole: "Like glass in the joints, can't get comfortable, no good angle. How can I lead if I can't even make my body listen? Too much pain, on and off but always on, no one will listen to a weak Inquisitor. But you aren't weak! You keep going even when it hurts, so that others don't hurt more. It helps! You help. And I can help you too.
Sleep."
Josephine: Once she is made aware of it, there is no stopping the Inquisition's ambassador. Doctors and healers and any number of resources are brought in. Work is reassigned and assistants are hired, soldiers are assigned so that there is enough gear for comfortable accommodations on the road. It takes hardly any time at all to arrange, but Josephine does make sure the pull their herald aside first. Her tone is as compassionate and unyielding as when her brothers were sick but still wanted to be outdoors and active.
"Your are important to Thedas, yes. Maybe even vital. But your health is even more so. You must let us be there for you, Your Worship, as you have been there for us. It is easy enough to manage, and no one shall begrudge you. Now, would you prefer down or wool for your cot padding?"
Cullen: He understands. Maker does the Commander understand. Withdraw leaves him with pain in every muscle and headaches that can last for days. Much of what he suffers is the consequences of his own choices and actions though, and Cullen cannot imagine how much worse it must be to have no understanding of why-- and no idea how to cure it.
His support is quiet, a bulwark against her duties. The medicines and treatments that help him are shared, but sometimes simply knowing that another deeply understands your plight is enough. He hopes, for her, that is helps.
Leliana: Divine Justiania hurt, sometimes. From her understanding, it was a combination of arthritis and age, but the pain was frequent enough that intervention was sometimes necessary. Justinia believed firmly that what was eaten affected who ate it, and the personal chef of her office had made careful notations and created a diet designed to ease the worst of her suffering.
When she asks, blunt in the way she can only be with those who understood the Divine, his answer is full of common sense and compassionate suggestions. These are sent to the people who can best use it, kitchens and servants and those members of the inner circle who can help.
The Herald will never need to know who it is that realized how much fish helped instead of red meat, or who ordered the green tea of Rivian that reduces inflammation in the joints. She need never be told of the letters, full of blackmail and threats, that silence those nobles who claim the herald unfit to lead, or keep the deliveries and ingredients to help off of manifests and inventories.
Her work is in the shadows, and she does not need to show it. But it feels right, somehow, that even gone the Divine might help the Herald. And her Left Hand shall make it so.
Mod Fereldone
#dragon age inquisition#solas#blackwall#dorian pavus#cassandra pentaghast#sera#varric tethras#cullen rutherford#josephine montilyet#lelianna
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In the mood for...
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1. itmf fics where wwx calls lqr uncle/shufu genuinely, im craving for lans adopting wwx rn...
𧥠Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 548k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)
Without end by barisan (M, 71k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, Depressed WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Â PTSD, Panic Attacks, Yunmeng Jiang bashing, Sentient Resentful energy, Medical inaccuracies)
If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 61k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional JiÄng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, Itâs All The Systemâs Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZâs Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels)
Discordant Rhapsody by nirejseki (T, 49k, LQR & WWX, wangxian, JC & WWX, WQ & WWX & WN, LWJ & LQR & LXC, canon divergence, fix-it, hurt/comfort, trauma, politics, protective LQR, protective LWJ, protective WWX, LQR centric, whump, angst)
Warming up (to him) by barisan (T, 9k, LQR & WWX, bg wangxian, hypothermia, cloud recesses study era, temporary character death, YZY abuses WWX, not JFM friendly, good uncle LQR, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort)
Holding shreds by barisan (T, 5k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Body Swap, Not for sexy shenanigans, Chronic Pain, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, POV WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, JiÄng Family Bashing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Getting Together, Smart WWX)
In which Lan Qiren eavesdrops and gets a new nephew (and grandnephew) out of it by h0peless_oblivion (M, 64k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Mpreg, Teen Pregnancy, Shotgun Wedding, Good Uncle LQR, Madam Yuâs A+ Parenting, Fluff and Angst, Family Feels, Unspecified Setting, Probably ooc, WWX Has ADHD, A-Yuan is Wangxianâs son, Pregnant WWX, Humor, non-graphic birth, Family Drama, The Lans love wwx, Male Lactation, Mild Smut in later chapters, wangxianâs canonical breeding kink, Tooth-Rotting Fluff)
Menace by MnemonicMadness (T, 7k, LQR & WWX WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, BAMF WWX, Downplaying an Injury, awkward comforter LQR, reluctant matchmaker LQR, Humor, Pining WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Self-Sacrificing WWX, POV LQR, LQR is stressed, And also secretly a softie, Post-Canon) where LQR deals with an injured WWX, not exactly what you maybe looking for but LQR ends up being fond of WWX at the end.
~*~
2. heyyy frens, iitmf a fic where teen lz is all shy and suffering during cloud recess study arc bc he cant deal with his feelings for wy!! something like Marry In and one four three Thank you! đ€đ«¶đŒ
Three changes. by orange_crushed (M, 18k, wangxian, fluff, hijinks & shenanigans, cloud recesses shenanigans, no war au, everyone lives au, romantic comedy, fade to black, friends to lovers, falling in love, harm to animals, non-graphic violence, sparring, developing friendships, hurt/comfort, first time) suffering teen lan zhan
it's just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Romance, Fluff, Pining LWJ, Humor, Courting Rituals, Teen Wangxian) which is part of a teen!wangxian collection if they would like to check it out
~*~
3. Hello!!! For the next itmf I was wondering if there's any good sci-fi wangxian fics you could recommend?
Built On Hope by Alaceron (G, 2k, wangxian, star wars au)
Duel of the Twins by Theladyofravenclaw (T, 29k, WIP, WangXian, Star Wars Setting, Science Fiction, each chapter is intended to be a whole movie within a trilogy, Canon-Typical Violence, Mild Gore, mild body horror, Mentions of Suicide, But only in passing, please take that major character death warning seriously, Angst with a Happy Ending, YĂșnmĂšng Siblings Feels, Twin Prides of YĂșnmĂšng Angst)
is space considered sci fi? if so, I have a space collection of wangxian fics that I recommend!
the best good thing by almostsophie1 (T, 12k, WangXian, Space, Post-Apocalypse, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Hurt/Comfort)
Stars bring us apart (Stars pull us together) by Sixlayerhouse (sixlayerhouse) (E, 124k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, (Vaguely) Star Trek AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Psychological Trauma, PTSD, Body modifications, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Recovery, married!wangxian)
After the world ended (Heart to Heart) by LilyMaxwell (T, 9k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Science Fiction, Time Travel, apocalyptic setting, Bionic LWJ, Strangers to Lovers, Sibling Love, Hurt/Comfort, Healing)
circles by bleuett (M, 21k, WangXian, Space, Sunshot Campaign, Time Travel, kind of, Grief/Mourning, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, Intimacy, Reunions, Slight Body Modification, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Injuries, Unconventional Time Travel)
From the Ashes by mostlynonsense (travelingpsycho) (E, 83k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Science Fiction, Slow Burn, Found Family, Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, IN SPACE!, Space)
The Terminus of Gravity by feralhypertext (M, 28k, WangXian, Space, Canon-Typical Violence, Interplanetary Travel, Epistolary, (by way of transmissions instead of letters))
I will be chasing a starlight by feyburner, sundiscus (E, 71k, WangXian, Star Trek Fusion, Vulcan LWJ, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Eventual Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pon Farr, Mind Meld, Fuck Or Die, Anal Sex, Hurt/Comfort)
every time we touch (i get this feeling) by celerydragon (E, 16k, WangXian, PWP, but with plot, Tentacles, lwj is a alien and he has tentacles, Voice Kink, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Psychic Bond, Light Bondage, Teratophillia, this sounds scary but i swear it is so soft, Fluff, Pining, but like, Horny Pining, Sexual Tension, crab hate, Telepathy, magical transformation, Consentacles, Aliens, Alien Sex, Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Interspecies Romance, Alien Cultural Differences)
fly me home by bleuett (M, 16k, WangXian, Space, Science Fiction, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, Pining, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Major Character Injury, but everyone's okay!)
Among Us by misbehavingvigilante (E, 50k, WangXian, Among Us (Video Game) Setting, Alien Sex, Breeding, Eggpreg, Tentacles, Consensual Non-Consent, Dubious Consent, They're both into it but yeah, Cannibalism, The dove is dead but in the Addams Family type of way)
the red dark shifting by typefortydeductions (E, 15k, WangXian, Star Trek Fusion, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Ambiguous/Open Ending, But it will be ok, PTSD, Nightmares, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Mild Gore, Tarsus IV, mentions of medical procedures, attempting to accept the love you deserve, pangs!)
when we end the war by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 41k, WangXian, Science Fiction, Psychics/Psionics, Robots & Androids, Artificial Intelligence, Science Fantasy, POV Multiple, Major Character Injury, Canon Temporary Character Death, Glove Kink, Fingers In Mouths, Getting Back Together, Self-Sacrifice, Strangers to Lovers to Estranged Lovers to Lovers Again, LWJ is a psychic, WWX is resurrected in an android body (it's complicated), Background space politics because wangxian get to sit out space sunshot, Dubious Science, dubious medical ethics, Sexual Dysfunction, Mild Breathplay, Murder by a technicality)
some lovely, perilous thing by varnes (E, 24k, WangXian, Inception Fusion, Criminal Associates To Lovers, Heist, Case Fic)
A Cyborgâs Three Laws by @joshua-beeking, FairyGardenCorgis (M, 194k, WangXian, Future, Cyborgs, Science Fiction, Science Boyfriends, Romance, Slow Burn, Medical Procedures, Surgery, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ has RA, Idiot Friends to Idiot Lovers, Medical Assault, Dehumanization, obscene amounts of cuddling, Versatile wangxian)
Burn the Land and Boil the Sea (You Canât Take My Son from Me) by PolkaDotDragon (M, 91k, wangxian, WIP, futuristic, Firefly fusion)Â
Command Me Gently by DyeingRoses (M, 16k, wangxian, Pacific Rim fusion, eventual happy ending, slow burn)
NOSTOS by animediac (M, 42k, wangxian, Pacific Rim fusion, non-linear narrative, grief/mourning, angst w/ happy ending, the drift, sparring, hurt/comfort)
~*~
4. Hi! Lovely job with the blog!!! For the next itmf Iâm looking for
A) future!wangxian meeting past!wangxian or smth along those lines, and
B) some good Case fics in which wangxian get together. Canon era if you can!Thanks a lot for all the hard work!!!!!! xoxo
4A)
The future is fast coming for you by Aki_no_hikari (G, 6k, WangXian, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, awkward teenage wangxian and lovingly married wangxian both in the same fic!, Married Couple)
The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda (M, 49k, WIP, WangXian, Established couple, Crossover, road trip with your older selves, teasing your younger selves about their obvious crushes, yin iron does yin iron things, mdzs/cql crossover, adult wangxian, Teenage Wangxian) (Link in #7A)
4B)
Thirty-three Lashes by Winglesss (E, 56k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Reincarnation, Case Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Nightmares, Ghosts, Curses, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Major Character Injury, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Memory Loss)
build me no shrines  by occultings (microcomets) (M, 54k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Mutual  Pining, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Hair  Washing, Sentient Burial Mounds, Case Fic, Post-Canon, CQL Compliant,  Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Light Angst, Flashbacks, mild body horror, foot  washing, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy, âŠthen sexual intimacy)
Wearing Down Every Bone by CSHfic, VSfic (E, 30k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Pining, Getting Together, Time Travel, Hurt wwx, Mystery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Depression and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gratuitous use of empathy)
Yiling Patriarch Gone Missing, or: a series of missing person cases by oyan (T, 16k, WIP, WangXian, Post-Canon, Case Fic-s as in plural, Each chapter is a case of its own, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Body Dysphoria, Slow Burn, Oblivious WWX, WWX Lacks Self-Preservation Instincts, Petty LWJ, Protective LWJ, Protective JC, pining with a happy ending, yunmeng bros reconciliation, Rabbit Shenanigans, paperman shenanigans, Eventual relationship, Protective JL) Itâs a wip, but from what I know chapter 2 will come out soon. And every chapter is itâs own case, so they can be read independently
ç±äžéæ; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, WangXian, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror, Mystery)
in your skin by darkredloveknot (enheduane) (E, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, Horror, Body Horror, Blood and Gore, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Non-Consensual Body Modification, kinda??, Reflections over death and self-worth, mentions of canon suicide, Near Death Experiences, [Podfic] in your skin by flamingwell)
Vagabond by xantissa (E, 65k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Mystery, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Frottage, Case Fic, murders, Supernatural, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, extreme fluff, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, badass!LXC, top!LWJ, Bottom!LWJ)
And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene (E, 42k, WangXian, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Ghosts, Suicide, Explicit Sexual Content, Attempted Sexual Assault, LWJ whump, Original Character Death(s))
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5. For an upcoming itmf, I'd love some recs of both WWX & LWJ as kids - like, together. They could A) meet and spend time or grow up together as kids, or B) both be de-aged and they have to survive that or the juniors or whoever have to wrangle both of them. Not picky. Thanks!
5A)
a convergence of lightning by Stratisphyre (T, 33k, CSSR/LQR/WCZ, Modern with Magic, Grief/Mourning, loss of a parent, Falling In Love, Polyamory, Parenthood, Kid Fic, Qingheng-junâs A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, the Non-Existent Lan Alcohol Tolerance, Love Confessions)
good morning sunlight Series by Stratisphyre (T, 24k, CSSR/LQR/WCZ, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Past Child Abuse, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood, Accidental Gege Acquisition, Parenting Feels, Sexist Language, Minor violence against women, Teenage kissing, Minor Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mostly Fluff, Family Feels)
When we were small by deliciousblizzardshark (T, 7k, LXC & LQR & LWJ, LQR & WWX, implied WangXian, LQR & JFM, Modern AU, Kid Fic, Good Uncle LQR, Neurodivergent LWJ, Baby LWJ, Baby WWX, Parenthood, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV LQR, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort)
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6. Thank you for all your hard work â»(^o^)/â». Not that long ago there was a request for whump WWX, I'm in the mood for whump/sad bunny/hurt the pretty swan LWJ. My only requirement is no forced sex work and WWX must end up happy either with or w/o LWJ (he can end up miserable 'cuz he should suffer for his bad decisions and karma is a lovely lady why thrives on vengeance). - I'm in an anti-Lan mood, what can I say ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ. tyty. @ck90
happy and beautiful by nienie (T, 1k, XianMian, One-sided WangXian, Modern AU, Jealousy, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Sad, Weddings)
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7. Hiiiiiii youâre doing gods work here lemme tell you! Anyways Iâm looking for two different type of fics,
A) First, one where cql!wangxian meet book!wangxian
B) Second, one where wangxian are like the bestest of friends before getting into a relationship. Like, package deal. Like, weâve got inside jokes. That kind of thing. Kinda developing relationship bff to lovers. (Canon era would be very appreciated!)
Thank you!!!
7A)
The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda (M, 49k, WIP, WangXian, Established couple, Crossover, road trip with your older selves, teasing your younger selves about their obvious crushes, yin iron does yin iron things, mdzs/cql crossover, adult wangxian, Teenage Wangxian)
We always get what we deserve!(Doesn't matter even if you think you don't deserve it. Fate has mysterious ways!) by Ajareenlovesbtsandshinee (Not Rated, 16k, WIP, WangXian, Post-Canon, CQL WWX and MDZS WWX Exchange places, Happy Ending, Post-Canon Fix-It)
đ feel better love by Anonymous (T, 8k, WIP, WangXian, implied WangXianXian, Post-Canon, Crack Treated Somewhat Seriously, in a haha jk...unless? way, Light Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Crack, Crossover)
Key Differences by pupeez4eva (T, 5k, WangXian, Humor, Dimension Travel, Crossover, Drama!WWX meets Novel!WWX, Public Confessions, Post-Canon)
7B)
r/relationships by vespertineflora (T, 8k, WangXian, Modern AU, Social Media, Viral Reddit Post, Pining, Crushes, Friends to Lovers, Awkward Flirting, Romantic Gestures, Romantic Comedy, Love Confessions, Kissing, Happy Ending)
Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart by Alaceron (T, 27k, WangXian, WangXian, Modern AU, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Oblivious WWX)Â
The Mistletoe Virgin by Vamillepudding (G, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, Romantic Comedy, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Deaf LWH, Christmas)
spoke like we meant it by BlackWiresOnHerHead (T, 10k, wangxian, modern, 5+1, fluff, friends to lovers, getting together, pining, cuddling, accidental confession, humor, abandonment issues, light angst)
fly me home by bleuett (M, 16k, WangXian, Space, Science Fiction, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, Pining, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Major Character Injury, but everyone's okay!) (Link in #3)
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8. Principal lan zhan lan wangji ff you know recommend link
our substitute teacher is the yiling laozu (?!) by Mamoonde (T, 13k, WIP, WangXian, Teacher!WWX, Headmaster!LWJ, Historical Fantasy, Cultivation School/Boarding School AU, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Fluff, Humor, Angst, BAMF WWX) Hi!!! For the one that ask for principle lwj, i finally found the one that i have read. I don't know if this fit with what you imagine because the focus of the story is not lwj
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9. Hi. I wanna know if there are any fics where wwx and nhs had something going on between them or just fooled around a little when they were in cloud recesses. Wangxian endgame preferably but not required. No pwp please and thank you
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10. Hi, do you know any fanfics where jiang cheng and wei wuxian like are brothers and lan xichen and lan wangji start to fall inlove w/ them??? @rinlee404
You & Me Baby, We'll Eclipse The Sun Series by 2501987 (M/E, 130k, WangXian, XiCheng, MIND THE TAGS, Modern AU, Mafia, Murder husbands, Torture, Possessive Behavior, Blood and Violence, Older JC, Younger WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Dark)
whatever comes of you and me (I'd love to leave my memory with you) by sami (E, 12k, XiCheng, WangXian, references to past emotional manipulation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Recovery, Family, Brotherhood, Correcting for Poor Interfamily Communication, JFM's A+ parenting, Not MY Friendly, Not JFM Friendly, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending) might fit the brother wwx and jc falling in love with brothers lwj and lxc
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11. I'm just wondering - and feel free to delete this if you guys want! - but would the mods be willing to share their number one fic with us? Like the one they re-read again and again, or the first fic they'd recommend to someone just getting into the fic side of fandom? I was just re-reading 'I Started From the Bottom...' and 'Lynchpin' and thinking about the first that I've reread so far and got curious... but no pressure! @katonahottinroof
Mod L: Ooof, this was a hard one, I was very torn between these two that came to mind right away
đ From the Future for the Past by friedchickenlord (G, 27k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, first love, love confessions, fluff & humor, denial, pining, happy ending) I think I might have read this one once or twice or dozen times đ It never fails to lift my mood
đ love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriages) This one is a lengthier one but I love it to bits. It perhaps isn't a fic to start your fic journey with and definitely a rollercoaster of emotion. I love to reread my favorite bits every once in a while
𧥠Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 548k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) (link in #1) I know I rec this fic a lot but it really is one of my favorites right now ^^ - Mod C
𧥠close your eyes, feel my heartbeat by ThatDesiGirl (T, 11k, WangXian, blind!WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rewriting Canon, not a fix-it but a what-if, Golden Core Transfer, Romance, Pining) I also really love this fic. - Mod C
𧥠I Don't Want to Debut! by countingcr0ws (G, 56k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reality show, Idols, Actor LWJ, Forced Contestant WWX, Tencent's 2021 Idol Producer) to be honest, Modern AU's might help if you are just getting into a fandom, since you won't need to know much about the Canon plot to understand them. Here's a Modern AU fic that I enjoyed reading âșïž - Mod C
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12. I saw the recent ask about Silk & Satin and of course it intrigued me so I started reading it and BAM I was hit with the feels over Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian teaming up to raise Jin Ling. And so I ask, ITMF other fic recs focusing on JC and WWX raising Jin Ling? Can be canon or modern. Thank you!
To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author's Note) is the closest thing I can think of, though the requested relationship isn't the primary focus, it still plays a decent part
The Way of the Golden Lotus by DizziDreams (M, 70k, WangXian, Kidfic, the juniors are here!, plus a-qing!, Modern AU, Martial Arts, Wushu, Kung Fu, martial arts instructor!lwj, WWX and JC coparenting, everybody is dads, a canon number of orphans, preteen!Juniors, Light Angst, America, Happy Ending, A tiny bit of smut if you squint (and like finger sucking))
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13. Hi! Any fics where wwx is addressed as lan-er-furen or lan-furen (in case it's sect leader lwj au)?
é | drunk; intoxication by sweetlolixo (E, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mythical Creature WWX, Besotted LWJ, Romance, Pregnant WWX, Fluff)
My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, so much mutual pining, And yet, still not as much mutual pining as canon, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)
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14. fics where wwx is sworn brotherhood with nmj and lxc? or nhs?
a star called sun by thelastdboy (E, 93k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Heavy Angst, Self-Worth issues, Amputation, Situational Mutism, Slow burn, Angst with a happy ending)
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15. Hi long time no see . I'm in the mood for a fic where
A) everyone is regretting their actions towards Wei Ying.
B) not main character but, protective/ bamf yanli who lover her younger brothers.
C) Wei Ying being the youngest and precious baby he is. Word count >8000 Preferably long ass ficsâš @whateverweilanlovechildâ
15C)
little a-ying by byeollie (Not Rated, 16k, WangXian, Curses, Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff, Babysitting, lqr has a heart, Established Relationship, Junior Trio Dynamics, Unreliable Narrator, Family Feels, Found Family, Kinda, yunmeng bros reconciliation, Post-Canon, Mild Hurt/Comfort)
sugar stains by lanjingyeet (T, 18k, WangXian, Kid Fic, (kind of), General Shenanigans, Spirits, questionable parenting, junior trio on babysitting duty, Age Regression/De-Aging, Child WWX)
«shijie» by Anonymous (T, 15k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Protective JYL, YĂlĂng Matriarch JYL, Demonic Cultivator JYL, Sentient Burial Mounds, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Stabbing, Poisoning, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Protective LWJ, Protective LXC, Innocent WWX, Arranged Marriage, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Seizures)
Attempt the Impossible, Move Onwards by GeminiWillow (G, 37k, Kimetsu no Yaiba Setting, Angst, Blood and Violence, Brotherly Love, Sibling Love, Protective JC, Soft JC, Good Sibling JC, POV JC, JC Needs a Hug, JC-centric, Good Sibling WWX, Demon Slayer JC, Demon WWX, Good Older Sibling JYL, JC Has Self-Esteem Issues, Decent Parent YZY, Minor Character Death)
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16. hello, for the next itmf would you happen to know of any alpha/alpha wangxian fics with bottom wwx? fluffy, smutty, anything. preferably with happy endings if possible.
In This Reality (it could only be you) by Khashana (E, 5k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, fluff and porn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Oblivious WWX, Lan Disciple WWX, very light somnophilia, blink and you miss it really, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Alpha-Alpha Sex, Rut Sex, Knotting, no dubcon, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX)
Rutbrain by catsandmaps (E, 6k, WangXian, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Rutting, Mildly Dubious Consent, because of said rut, Unreliable Narrator, Alpha/Alpha, Intercrural Sex, Spanking, Anal Sex, Convienant bottle of lube, that unconvienantly disappears again sorry lube lovers, Muzzle, Knotting, copious amounts of cum (honorable mention), Misunderstandings, Getting Together)
Yours Shamelessly by kmichee (E, 35k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha/Alpha pairing, Alpha WWX, Alpha LWJ, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Knotting, Scenting, Discrimination, letter writing, Courtship, Swordfighting, smut then fluff then smut then fluff, Epistolary, Alpha/Alpha, Rough Sex)
Habits of Defiance by Feynite (Not Rated, 5k, WIP, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha/Alpha, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, Introspection, Homophobia, (of a sort), Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence)
Not Your Typical Alpha by Eudoxia (E, 14k, WangXian, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Female LWJ, Female WWX, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, Intersex female alphas, Knotting, Knotting Dildos, Sex Toys, Awkward Sexual Situations, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Fisting, Biting, Spanking, Size Kink, Scent Kink, Spit Kink, Spit As Lube, lube as lube, Blow Jobs, Nipple Play, Lactation Kink, Come Inflation, Belly Bulge, pleasure dom lwj, Light Dom/sub, Cervix play, fantasizing about cervical penetration, Multiple Orgasms, WangXian Have a Breeding Kink, Loss of Virginity, First Time, Virginity Kink, Roommates/Housemates)
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17. Hiii, i hope yâall having a great day! For the next itmf: wei changze and cssr come back during the years where wwx is gone? Iâd prefer if the three of them were able to meet again. Thanks! <3
An Inch of Grass, and All The Sunshine of Spring by ChilianXianzi (T, 1k, WIP, wangxian, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR & LWJ & WCZ, canon divergence, time travel, grief/mourning, parent-child relationship, found family, fluff & angst)
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If you didnât get an answer to your ask here, donât forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what  you order!***Your prompt doesnât have to be kink! Fluff, crack,  whatever - itâs all good!***
#wangxian#mdzs#wangxian fic recs#i'm in the mood for a fic#the untamed#wangxian fic search#wangxianficfinder#long post
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hello
Or grian coming back from dl and he needs not only a cane but hes suffering from a bad-but-temporary case of tinnitus and cant get out of bed and no one sees him for a few days until scar comes over to talk bc holy shit dl and finds Grian in need of help
EXPAND UPON THIS. I AM INTRIGUED. if u want no pressure <3
-catmaidetho
WHEEZING WHATS SO FUNNY IS THAT I HAVE BEEN. STARING AT A WORD DOC ALL DAY TRYING TO <- Girl who is so dead from her job
To start w what the delightful @hitheeprithee said to me earlier that made me. Absolutely fucking insane. But Scar gifting one of his canes to Grian in the post-DL return to HC because he's having trouble with both just walking bc of the aches in his body and the dizzyness caused by the disorientation of being shouted apart. And grian tries, really, to be appreciative, but scar's cane doesnt sit at the right height and he's awkward with it so he just stays in bed and then a few days later Scar sheepishly shows up with a custom made cane for Grian that's the right height and has feathers carved into it and just. hhhh.
But its like. Grian having to learn to rely on others. And I mean this in like the. I am physically disabled and im still learinng. You are always learning how to do this. Every day is a new day for failures and learning in this task. And its grian who doesnt want to get out of bed, who's never felt his body be in such constant misery, not even after third life or last life. He went out - bad. I don't have the brain power to elaborate rn maybe I'll reblog this tomorrow but tldr: I headcanon that the deaths in the life series and way different to deaths on hermitcraft. They're permanently debilitating in some way, but the players keep coming back because they learn to cope, they hold tight to the love for each other that radiates through every time they go through it - anyway. This warden death hurts - and Scar is feeling it too, but not as bad, not as Severely, and furthermore he has coping skills in place already for chronic pains and aches and fatigue. Grian doesn't.
It's Scar showing up and adjusting Grian's pillows to help him sit up, nursing him to health with some food and water, an ice pack, a heating pad, some potions from Cub to help with the pains, to help manage. Its Scar teaching Grian to use a cane, to trust his weight to this inanimate object, to learn to use it as an extension of himself. Helping him learn the walking pattern. It's Scar opening up the bedroom window or whatever the fuck the equivalent is in Grian's base to help get some white noise and teaching Grian to focus on it to make the worst of the ringing go away, to massage the muscles in his head to help with the headaches and migraines.
Scar teaching Grian how to pull his weight up with other people, how to get up from the floor with his back hurts so much he can barely move, to shuffle around the room a little bit just to get the blood flowing in his legs.
And then its like. It's Grian leaning his head against Scar's chest and crying from frustration because his body wont cooperate and he's never had to deal with it before and he doesn't know how. And grian apologizing because he's just complaining about things scar lives with always. And Scar soothing Grian's worries and anxieties becaue he knows why grian's frustrated and its not guaranteed to help but by god he'll try, he'll try so hard to give grian the world back if he can.
god I wish i could elaborate more but. I am sleepy.
#Asks#comfortingdecay#mutuals#desert duo#grian#goodtimeswithscar#double life#so I'm normal#Stitch's Writing
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ROUND THREE - MATCH 3
DALO vs SALVANAN
DALO: @genericswordsmaiden
SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door
VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!
Propaganda Content Warnings: Suicide, assault, internalised homophobia, animal death, dismemberment, alcoholism for DALO, abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN.
DALO:
PROPAGANDA: Dalo is a ghost, she died by suicide at the age of 27, and in the world of the dead where she now resides, which is actually a purgatory of sorts, she has to endure loneliness because suicides can get corrupted - change form and become aggressive spirits - and are therefore ostracized by other ghosts. Born in an abusive family, starved during her childhood and bullied at school, Dalo develops trust issues growing up, her only friend being a pen pal, Luka, and her mentor, a man whom she only remembers as Professor. Dalo is not her real name, but a nickname that eventually erased her original name. At age 16, she gets physically assaulted by a group of guys and survives, but gets big ugly scars on her back that she tries to hide in every way she can. When she gets the chance, she travels to the city of Providence, renting an apartment with Luka. They form a band with two other characters, Mary and Sam, but soon tensions arise, mainly because they all love Sam in some way, and this puts Dalo in an uncomfortable situation because she doesn't really know how to deal with feelings. She ultimately decides to put them aside and think about how to help Luka deal with his homosexuality instead. In this period of time, which lasts about three months, another tragedy occurs: Dalo and Luka's cat, whom they treated as a son, is found killed one evening. This brings the two even closer, grief shutting them out of the world for a while. As if that wasn't enough, Sam, thinking that Luka and Dalo became a couple, marries Mary instead, breaking two hearts at once. Just when it seems like everything is slowly flowing normally again, Luka has a breakdown and asks Dalo if God can accept him as he is. The choice of words in her answer to such a cryptic question is crucial and will forever change her life, as well as ultimately end his, since he goes missing from that evening, until his body is found in a bag a week later, chopped up into pieces. The weight of the event is too much for her to bear, the guilt and pain make her turn to alcoholism. Her last choice was cold and calculated, she saw no value in a life like hers, so after months of suffering she took her own life. As a ghost, this choice hunts her, also because it made her directly linked to the main antagonist of the book, but this is a lore-heavy detail and I don't really want to delve into it. Her other big character trait is the fact that, with a life like that, she has tons of repressed anger, which all comes crashing out of her (literally) at some point in the story. Her power as a ghost is summoning chains, which symbolise both her guilt and the desperate need to be "chained to someone", to have some kind of bond with another person.
THEME SONG:
SALVANAN:
PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much. it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too. he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man
THEME SONG:
#oc tournament#round three#oc: dalo#oc: salvanan#tw suicide#internalised homophobia#animal death#tw dismemberment#tw: alcholism#suicidal thoughts tw#tw abuse
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story time when i had an a/na psychiatrist borderlining on a/na coach đđđ (sarcastic)
tw: mentions of past s/a, e/d in healthcare workers
Did i tell you my last psychiatrist DEFINITELY had orthorexia? She was sooo underweight and one of her whatsapp pics was of her sweating after a workout posing with her oh so tiny & toned arms.
I will first start of saying that i am greatful for her work and all she did to find some sort of sleeping pill that worked for me along an antidepressant and others. I will 100% give her that, she was amazing with her knowledge and research textbook wise. But too much of a good thing is never good and she stuck to the textbook knowledge so much she almost rammed it up my ass I STG.
Still not letting go how this bitch recommend me a kindle for sleep (i had pharmacotherapy-resistant insonmia after a SA) and when my sister GIFTED me one and i started using it she said i couldn't use it bc IT INTERRUPTED MY SLEEP.
BITCH!!!!
Every fucking appointment you go onto a rant abt blue light this, blue light that SHUT THE FUCK UP WDYM MY SISTER WASTED MONEY ON THIS MF????
like after that i left her and have gave up om therapy (its been abt a yr therapy free and im ready to restart just need the medicaid to help finacially) i seriously couldn't deal w her constantly telling me i had to exercise and X amount of hours weekly (yes, she literally would berate me on the exact time of daily exercise and the type of exercise as well) to be healthy when I HAD AN SPINAL INJURY and NO PAIN MEDS. And SHE KNEW.
Like im still fucking mad!!! That was so fucked up and straight up disrespectful and completely disregarded my condition at the time. I hate fucking doctors that just push exercise exercise. Like DUDE i KNOW its good for me but its not accesible rn so STOP PUSHING ME and other people who are chronically in pain. Really fucked up.
im so deregulated but i needed to get something off my chest that i just remembered. nobody has to read this tbh but putting it out here helps. tysm to my moots & fools that always interact w my stuff. i really really care for y'all, take care
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director's cut ask for chapter five of hello operator, if you so wish!!! it's such an excellent chapter and i LOVE the way you write porter's headspace - it feels so tangibly real and specific and unique to read, and I'd love to hear you talk more about it!
oh my god anon???? thank you!!! that's so kind i love this ask game and i love love love yammering on about my own writing choices so. thank you for this opportunity. feat. my philosophy about porter and also theorizing about barbarians and chronic pain. here's the chapter if yall arent familiar. cw for serious nsft and extended discussions of pain below the cut
i think i posted something to this effect when the chapter went up, but porter to me is so fucking embodied. like. his entire gig is blood and bone and muscle and. well. no, i shan't say.
The silence is odd after the bloody gorgeous sounds heâd wrung out of Jace, whimpers and moans and the euphoric gasp of still my god. Porter lets muscle memory carry him through the cleaning ritual thatâs almost as familiar as raging and sets to sorting out his thoughts (and feelings, adds a sharp-eyed Zara in his head.) He rolls his shoulders and absorbs the sting of annoyance that thought brings, fanning it into a bonfire that will help him focus. Porter carefully takes stock of his body, letting himself inhabit every nerve, every joint, every sinew. He can still feel the zing of magic against his skin and â amusingly â on his dick. The backs of his thighs sting where Jaceâs nails had dug into them; the already-healed pinprick from Jaceâs wand burns against his throat; even his cheek throbs where Jace backhanded him.Â
but that's also bc rage, like all emotions, especially strong ones, is located in the body. i needed porter to be doing something with his body in order to get in his head, and i had just been reading about caring for leather (no i don't have a good reason i'm just autistic and kinky, oops), and the description of that had so many different types of sensations involved that i was like. perfect. this will keep porter in his body so i can wriggle my way into his head and make him have Feelings in addition to his emotions.
These sensations arenât pain. Theyâre something much, much worse than pain. The muscles in his right hand flex, and Porter can feel the pulse of Jaceâs carotid artery under his thumb, the taut silk of Jaceâs hair wrapped around his fingers, the scrape of cinderblock against his knuckles as he controlled Jaceâs head, the wet trail of Jaceâs tears around his wrist.Â
the other massive part of this chapter comes from my experiences with chronic pain. when your body feels severe enough pain for long enough, and when you have nervous system diseases (hi hello it's me), it will stop sending you pain as such because your body can only actually register so much pain. so it sends different feelings - i get tingling, or buzzing, or sometimes a throbbing - instead to get your attention.
He knows pain. Intimately. Porter thinks pain mightâve been the first thing he ever experienced, and he knows in the rock of his bones that it will be the last.
and while irl i'd love to be a caster with my whole heart, there's something about how harsh on the body rage (and divine magic, let's be real) is that really resonates with that. like. how does the body just not take as much damage and deal more explicitly without magic? well fuck wotc, i think it's by frying the nerves and overloading the muscles at the same time, so that even if you are, in fact, sustaining injuries, your body is so used to it that its tolerance is (unhealthily but usefully) extended. like how folks w adhd (hi again it's me) can sometimes just. ignore biological needs not bc we don't have them but bc our brains actively work around them.
and so we move to maybe my favorite bit of writing i've done so far, which is the end of this chapter:
Porter knows rage. He knows pain. He knows lust. And now he knows Jace. As far as Porter knows, Jace is not a feeling or a sensation or an emotion, or heâs all fucking three like some goddamn overachieving asshole. Goddamnit. Porter needs to talk to Zara, badly, because if thereâs one thing sheâs good atâ (Zara clears her throat in Porterâs head.) Porter needs to talk to Zara, badly, because sheâs a fucking brilliant person with a knife-sharp wit and something akin to rage in her blood and sheâs good at everything and is that better, lady? (Nothing.) âand Zara knows many, many things very, very well, one of which is Jace motherfucking Stardiamond, who is probably not an emotion but sure fucking feels like one. Uncontrollable unless you embrace it fully. Porter's fucked.
bc the other thing about chronic pain is that it's just as predictable as it is unpredictable. sure, i never know exactly when a flare will hit or what it will be like. but boy do i know the tone and tenor of my body in pain, and it's familiar, and i've gotten to where i can almost greet it. not quite, bc that's a little to romantic for the situation i'm actually in w/r/t my body, but something like it.
and so the things that feel really, really good to me are intense, new sensations. tattoos. spicy (like thai spicy) takeout. intense impact play with a partner i trust. dunking myself in the pacific ocean in winter.
and they feel good precisely bc they're strong and new and i haven't met them yet. and in my head in this chapter that's what jace is for porter. an intense sensation that's goddamn addictive in its unfamiliarity/unpredictability
#hope this is what you were looking for anon#feel free to chime in again if not lol#my fic#directors cut#ask game#hello operator
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omg first of all 1) grushie is suuchhh a cute nickname for him 2) THE FIC EXCEPT U SHARED WAS SOOOO GOOD ?? im in love with ur writing already .. grushas lines like "ill kill you myself!" made me laugh in the omg lets take a chill pill way.. also 3) was dahlia part of a trio with blue and red .. realizing the connection w their kanto team and im so excited to know more im like waiter waiter more lore please
THANK YOU. its so silly because i mostly called him that to avoid putting in the main tags and i got attached to calling him "my grushie" now. its such a silly and dumb nickname teehee..
THE FIC WAS SO FUN.. i rushed some parts and i need to go back and edit it and actually finish it one day. maybe. but i cannot imagine for the life of me grushie having normal human interactions. hes so bitter and cold. i think we as a society need to write characters who dont say or do the right thing all the time. (i know this is silly cause its supposed to be like "dont tell poeple oyure gonna kill them!?" type of deal. but with him.. it just makes sense character wise..) WELL. "trio" isnt what i would say.. more like when the three of them were all ten years old. dahlia would follow red and blue everywhere because they wanted to be like them so badly (superfan) and red nad blue let them. they were. i would say "fixated" on red and blue. and now its swapped over to grushie.
im still trying to figure out my whole weird feelings about red/blue. (ALSO IT TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE 30+ I THOUGHT THEY WERE CLOSER TO 20 BUT DAMN) but ahh... i cant tell for me if its familial/platonic/romantic... one day ill figure it out. but for now. theyre a secret fourth thing that no one can put their fingers on. grushie is still their ice princess forever tho. they have chronic pain together forever and always do their best to support each other (sorta.)
funny thing from the dahlia doc. vvv
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yippee its that time again, long hc post about dalia YAY âŒïžâŒïž i wouldve posted this last week but a bitch has been busy working on otha projects yo đ«Ąđ«Ą im hustling atm
also i am on an absolute ROLL with these rn because its fun to hc stuff for my favs (WHICH BTW IM ALSO WRITING UP MY HCS FOR ALDRYX SO STAY TUNED FOR THAT >:3)
@beans2cheese ik youre currently lookin forward to this >:3 thank you for being patient w me its much appreciated ^_^
first and foremost we gotta get the neurodivergency outta the way bc my autistic ass loves making all my favourite characters nd,, also shes got social anxiety and depression bc i have social anxiety and depression ion make the rules
also bigender she/him dalia bc im a she/him pronoun using bigender and i said so
ive spoken about my deaf dalia hc before (AND CROW HAS A SIMILAR HC WITH TABI THAT WE TALKED ABOUT TOGETHER ON DISCORD) but turning off her hearing aid whenever noise is too overwhelming or whenever she cant be bothered to deal with people's bs
CRAZY HIGH SPICE TOLERANCE. she and ayana are the kinda people who eat ghost peppers for fun and feel literally nothing at all
chronically late to every single outing with his friends. like tell him to get there in an hour and she will use that time to nap and get ready five minutes before shes supposed to be there
taller than ayana but not by much, boots on, dalia's 5'10/11, without em then he's 5'7
competitive as fuck and will rage at you for screwing her over in board games or video games, expect to hear a plethora of curse words in both english and spanish
generally speaking too dalia has an incredibly short temper (which im pretty sure is canon???) and literally anything can set him off
she and aldryx are sparring buddies you cannot convince me otherwise, hes the one teaching dalia all these nifty tricks and such ^_^ (also shes a kickboxing pro no questions asked)
once dalia tried b-boying to impress ayana and ended up in the hospital with a dislocated shoulder and a bruised ego
đ»: "babe????? are you okay đ"
đ§: "psshh im fine the sigma grind never dies" (said dalia as she looked away cringing at herself for flopping that so hard)
and trust me, nobody was letting her live that down
has special nicknames for all her loved ones ^_^ they're either something really sweet and sentimental or incredibly fucking stupid
emoticon user!! over text dalia loves using those cute kaomojis (trust me thats not the energy she gives off around other people especially not her close friends)
has a lot of niche interests and will reference something that either nobody knows like AT all or that is something so embarrassingly unfunny that its painful to listen to
đ§: "damn this greedler fanart goes crazy"
đŒ: "the WHO NOW"
she has the WORST sense of humor ever. literally anything is making this mf laugh
when dalia and ayana first started dating she made an attempt to keep up this persona of just being incredibly suave and chillgoing but the moment aya kissed her for the first time dalia just fucking melted and turned into a complete dweeb right then and there (she looks back on it and is very embarrassed)
OH AND SPEAKING OF HER AND AYA,, café or shopping dates where they just get food and wander around town together not wanting the day to end, bonus if they stay out late and theres a light display going on outside (boy im boutta make ship hcs for them now hold awn im insane)
#yeaaaah im crazy for this gal#idk bro ive been on a REAL dalia kick recently#i really like her idk why but shes so cool#IM ALSO GLAD IVE FOUND OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS GAL JUST AS MUCH AS I DO#^_^#my art#digital artwork#fnf dalia#headcanons#fnf headcanons
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