#i cried probably a grand total of 6 times. it was AMAZING!!

[summerof336bc]

GOT TO SEE THE CHOSEN IN THE THEATER. IM OFFICIALLY INSANE

[id: a post banner that reads "i'm not christian (just mentally ill)". the background is Leonardo Di Vinci's "The Last Supper". end id]

[proudlylost]

My 6+1 favorite SPN fics: AU

After the SPN finale I kinda got sucked back into the fandom. The excessive amount of fanfiction reading ensued (I re-read all of my SPN fic favorites and then some) and I realised I have actually read quite a lot of them. So I thought I could share them, to highlight all the talented authors there is and also to gather all of my favorites into the one place. This post contain my favorite AU fics, the SPN universe edition of this fic rec can be found here.

Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits

“In the spring of 1944, the 104th Medical Battalion of the United States Army is disbanded, and its men reassigned to various infantry companies in preparation for their invasion of occupied France. For First Lieutenant Novak, this is less than helpful, as he has so far met his platoon’s designated medic a grand total of twice, and has both times found Sergeant Winchester to be the optimum combination of reckless, arrogant, and downright insufferable so as to make cohesive platoon function near impossible. When the time comes to move out, however, Castiel has to reconcile himself to the fact that men are going to go down and trust that Dean Winchester may well be the only person who can put them back together again. WW2 ETO infantry AU. “ 

READ! THIS! Well, there is some really disturbing war related and time period related stuff, but if you can stomach that, read it! Along with the Angel’s Wild, this is my favorite fanfiction. This fic is heart wrenching and so, so good.The characterization is on point. Historical accuracy is on point. Slow burn is on point. Everything is just perfect. However, as I said, this fic is heavy stuff. There is some serious angst (I cried. I almost never cry when reading) and trauma. But there is glimmers of hope, even if sometimes it feels hopeless. Expected recovery time: at least two weeks. Word Count:  401,183. Explicit

Angel’s wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone

“But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.”

This was first longer fic that I read from Supernatural fandom and I fell in love. So this is “the fic that got me into the fandom” but I have read it multiple times since and it is still very, very good. I love everything about this fic. It is very original and the lore is amazing. I love how Dean and Cas are both quite young (in Cas’s case, relatively speaking) and how their love develops (slow burn! <3) I love how Cas is described and I love how he communicates (unintentionally) with flowers. You can also read this without having any knowledge of supernatural series (like I did) which is always impressive for a fic. Wor count:  389, 271. Explicit

For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention by thursdaysfallenangel

“Dean Winchester knows two things about hockey, two things his dad made sure he knew. One, hockey is a guy’s sport, and two, hockey is family. Hockey meant Sam and Bobby and Benny and Victor and Gabriel and hell, his entire team. So when Victor gets traded, Russian-star-turned-new-teammate Castiel Krushnic becomes a threat. As much as Dean hates him for that, the longer he sticks around, the more he begins to threaten that first rule too. Dean’s been taught his whole life that those who play hockey should not be captivated by deep accented voices and the way a guy handles his stick, so how the hell is he supposed to justify what he’s starting to think about Cas? All Dean wanted at the beginning of the season was to win, and now all he wants to do is figure out how he feels about Cas and how to deal with it without ruining his career and tearing his family apart. “

Ah, three of my absolute favourite things smashed into the same fic: sports, slow burn and enemies to lovers. This fic has lots of cameos from supernatural characters, because hockey teams require lots of players. So it is easy to spot your favorite character in this fic. This fic is probably one of may favorites, because of the sport environment (Outside the fandom, I have been super into sports. Like so much I have several national championships medals from my sport. Anyway, not a point here): also the sexual tension between Dean and Cas is so good, especially when they are pumped with the adrenaline. You don’t really need to understand sports to enjoy this fic, though. Word count:  143,592. Explicit

Formula Won by cardinalwrites

“Of all the places Castiel Novak thought he would take in his career, an internship as a Formula One Paddock Correspondent (or journalist, for short) was most definitely not one of them for a few reasons. One: He had no clue what the hell Formula One was. Two: He knew nothing about sports in general. And Three: He should not fall in love with the people he’s supposed to be asking hard-hitting questions to, least of all the head driver of one of the oldest and most well-renowned teams in the sport’s history.

This is a love story told around the world through the eyes of the person that knows the least about where he has found himself in. Come follow a 20-race season finding love in the lost, learning the truth, and figuring out what the hell Formula One is along the way.”

Another sports fic with a slow burn. This is probably not everyone’s cup of tea, because there is quite a lot information about formula one, and the reading experience is more enjoyable if already know about formulas/do your research. Don’t let it stop you though, because this fic is very good. The friendship between Dean and Cas is very natural, and later the romance as well. The plot is very engaging and the drama inside the formula one organization is so good. This fic is also not so “heavy” as the other ones in my list (of course, there are problems along the way, but even the fic’s tags say there will be fluff). The rating is T, which is kinda surprising, because I did not notice it until I already had read the whole fic. Word count: 123,777. Teen

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster

Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

This is one of the fandom classics and quite rightfully so. Both Dean and Cas have issues, in other words: what’s new? The sexual chemistry between them was so good and well written, but there is also angst and mental health issues (mostly Cas). Sam is quite young in this fic, but manages to be very much a little brother. I honestly loved this fic when I was a bit younger, but I think it is still very good and deserves its place in this list. Word count  94,054. Explicit

Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist

Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother's apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is -- a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

Ah, it seems that I’m incapable of picking nice, fluffy, happy fanfics. This certainly is not one of them. There is full warnings in the tags, because there is some triggering stuff: PTSD, mentions of past abuse, alcoholism etc. But, this is also very healing story in its own way (It has happy ending. I guess I can spoil that because it reads in the tags) . I avoided this fic for a long time, because the prostitute!Dean tag scared me away, but this was so worth of reading (as I said, happy ending)! Gabriel is super supportive and sweet brother and Dean and Cas are dysfunctional but they work so well despite all the trauma they have endured. Word count:  126,611. Explicit

Bonus: Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

Well, I don’t think this fic needs any introductions. This is the fic, the most popular in SPN fandom and one of the most popular ones in the whole ao3. I thought that I could read this, because I don’t generally have many triggers, despite all the warnings. I was a wreck during reading. And I have managed to read it once and I can’t make myself read it again. But it is good and amazingly written. This fic plucks every emotion out of you and does anything it pleases with them. You have been warned. Word count:  97,556. Explicit

(When I wrote this fic rec I also realised I have a serious problem with long fics. Like, most of my favorites are at least 100,000 words. At this point I think I don’t even consider a fic to be slow burn, unless it takes several days to complete the fic. Oops)

[residentraccoon]

Fave 2021 national finals songs

Since I don't have anything better to do with my life at the moment I decided to ramble about stuff. Okay, here are my thoughts about my fave songs from the national finals of 2021, in no particular order!

Norsk Melodi Grand Prix

• Monument was my absolute favourite and I still can't believe to this day that it didn't win :( Keiino are fking fantastic and they killed the stage (though I kind of preffered the black outfits from the 1st heat over the final ones, they suited the song's athmosphere better). I cried real tears when I saw they lost, for real. Heartbreak 💔

• Hero was such a nice throwback to 80s music style, the staging was also really neat. Would love to see Raylee come back next year in the selection, she has a cool stage presence

• Okay but Vi er Norge was a banger and I'm still listening to this one, a real shame it didn't even qualify nor win the 2nd chance round. As you already knew before, I have a weakness for violins because yes. The performance was so energetic and fun, should have def qualified. Underrated.

• Ut av mørket/Fallen angel was really good too. I wanted it to be kept in norwegian for esc but oh well. The stage show was just a tad messy but memorable.

• I can't escape was something I'd hear from Roxen ngl, the style matches her perfectly, even her cursive singing, everything. Either way I loved this one too, this song feels like a hug.

• Pages was so magical, I'm glad we got another joik song, sadly this didn't qualify 😥

• World on fire was kind of generic but puts me in a good mood everytime I listen to it, it's really catchy.

• Let loose is so g r o o v y and cool, it was my fave from the 1st heat when I got to listen to the songs. I'm lowkey happy it advanced to the final instead of Elevate, I'm sorry but I saw everyone praising that one in youtube comments, I never saw the hype, it was too regular and plain for me.

• Own yourself was so cute and funky, loved how it showed her ethnic background a lil with that disco sound.

• Witch woods...ehhh...While it's funny and unique, I think it's suited more for a witch Disney musical than Eurovision. But I like it anyway.

• Faith Bloody Faith oh yes I needed a rock song in this nf. Relieved it won the 2nd chance. Oh and I just realized, the superfinalists in mgp were literally the ones from the 1st heat. Crazy huh?

• Nordlyset is something I'd listen to near a fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate in hands watching the snow fall in my cottage located in a forest far away from civillization. So soothing and beautiful <3

• Eyes wide open was epic just like his 2020 viking schlager song (i prefer his 2020 song over this one but that's another story)

Melodifestivalen

• Little tot was amazing but def not as good as Bulletproof. It's still catchy asf and one of my favs from this selection.

• Dandi Dansa aka a banger, again another catchy song.

• Every minute sounds like a summer hit, it's awesome. It's also the spawner of all those haha eric on a kitchen tile memes I've seen around during that time.

• The world and especially Sweden wasn't ready for the masterpiece called Rena Rama Ding Dong. They should tone down their preference for safe pop songs and choose meme worthy songs like this one in the future tbh. They didn't even qualify, Sweden = coward.

• One Touch is a fun club track, I can see this as a summer hit as well. But her stage show...go girl give us nothing

• In the middle, once again The Mamas delivered.

• And finally Voices, which its nf staging was superior to the esc one. We are so sorry Tusse 😔

Festivali i Këngës

• Zjarri Im a total banger, it wasn't even in the top 5 ffs Era Rusi queen.

• Njësoj has such a nice party vibe, should have qualified.

• Haven't paid any attention to Karma until it won, then I said hey this isn't so bad, it's traditional and ethnic, I can actually see Albania in the final with this.

Dora

• Rijeka was the only one I thought it will win by a landslide and I was surprised it didn't. The staging was a bit too over the top, though

• Tick Tock grew on me after it won and quickly became one of my faves of this year's esc. I'm still sad it didn't qualify 😔

• She's like a dream is super uplifting and also sounds like an 80s song.

• Colors is something I heard a million times before but for some reason I'm jamming to this? Also I heard she's blind, is it true?

Eesti Laul

• Took me a while to have a fave from this nf but after some listens Magus Melanhoolia stole my heart 🧡 it's so different from the others and the staging looked so proffesional.

• Lost in a dance had me d a n c i n, I noticed we had a lot of 80s throwbacks in this nf season, this included. The live was so dissapointing though 😔

• Not so keen on 6 at first but now I absolutely love it, she has such a nice style and the song's athmosphere is so magical.

• Time was amazing, surprised it came 2nd!

• I actually liked The lucky one lmao, I found it much better than his previous entry.

• Heaven's not that far tonight was the party 80s bop we didn't knew we needed

Dansk Melodi Grand Prix

• Probably my biggest letdown of this nf season but I actually managed to like Står lige her, digging the electro 80s (again) sound

• I also liked Øve os på hinanden as well, this one really feels like a legit 80s track rather than a throwback.

• Silver Bullet was interesting as well, it was the early frontrunner when the songs first came out from what I remember.

Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu

• I love you is so wacky and catchy, and in finnish! I'd hear this as a soundtrack in an old video game.

• Dark Side was the definite winner ever since I heard it, and they even got a top 10 finish for Finland for the first time in years! Couldn't be more proud 😭

• Hurt was also one of my favs, Aksel needs to come back to esc, maybe in 2022 methinks 🤔

• Wait what is Laura Põldvere, an estonian singer tm doing in finnish nf? While I liked Play, I knew it wasn't strong enough to win, and she even came last. Do you get any flashbacks from another estonian entry with the same name that came last? 👀

C'est vous qui decidez

• Voila was the clear winner and that's about it, she deserved the win, it's just too beautiful for this world 😭

• Alleluia was an interesting sound of afrobeat, too bad their chances were killed because of messy staging :(

• Amour fou was so catchy and I loved the horse head thing lmao

Pabandom iš naujo

• Discoteque all day any day. The Roop world domination 💛

• Where'd you wanna go is so calming. I listen to this when I'm stressed and it works wonders, this was really beautiful.

• Open is so unique and soothing, a total contrast from her 2014 entry.

• Never fall for you again is a total earworm, even now as I'm writing this...even if I haven't listened to it since February.

Sanremo

• Zitti e Buoni was my instant fave, it simply stood out from the others by a lot.

Festival da Canção

• Por um triz is a beautiful ballad, was my fave.

• Saudade was the early favourite, reminds me of Telemoveis with its weird but artsy style.

Israel NF

• ...I really only liked Set me free tbh.

• La la love had a good potential but I can't not cringe at the corona reference like...ugh. Such a fun party song killed by one lyric, such a shame.

Russia's NF

• Just Russian Woman was the only one who deserved to win.

Spain's NF

• Yeah, they were both good but I liked Voy a Quedarme more.

[hyperfixiationstation]

Thoughts on LUCIDS Part four

Once again, I took forever to post this, sorry. Spoilers for LUCIDS Part four under the cut.

1.  I love the little chimes when the apple pops up into view as he throws it. I just think the opening scene is really cool.  

2.Wait if they met in Elementary school, does that mean in this universe Benjamin could go and talk to a little Isabelle?

3. I definitely have to copy down his speech about everything constantly existing for theorizing purposes.

4. Benjamin writing his proposal speech is the sweetest thing I have ever scene, and I am absolutely in love with their relationship now. I desperately wish that there were more fanfiction writers in this fandom so that I could read so much fanfiction about it! Unfortunately, we have a grand total of like one person, so I guess I will have to suffer. 

5.Aghhh I love Isabelle's voice! 

6.Oh my god its the scene from the epilogue!

7.I LOVE THEIR INTERACTIONS SO MUCH! Oliver making for of Benjamin for being dramatic is quite possibly my favorite thing ever. I’ve probably mentioned this already, but Characters and relationship dynamics are always my favorite things in any series, and little things like that, and them knowing there is going to be a PowerPoint when Ms. Hills talks to them gives me so much joy.

8. Ms. Hills back at it again with the stellar memes! Also, the roasting of Benjamin’s jokes is so good.

9. Wait, its been at least 3 days, and neither of their parents have gotten at all suspicious that they haven’t seen their child? I’m slightly worried by this information. 

10. I know that I’ve been talking about like, every other line so far, but they’ve just been so good that it feels wrong for me not to comment on them. Anyway, the shot of Oliver calling dibs on Benjamin’s bed, Benjamin protesting, then it immediately cutting to Oliver sitting on Benjamin’s bed while joking with him is one of my favorite scenes in this whole series, and this episode has already managed to surpass part 2 as my favorite episode at only like 5 minutes in.

11. Oliver’s facial expressions when Benjamin is going on about the dreamscapes are so incredible, and I just- UGH! I can’t express how much I love this series. 

12.Ok, I already addressed how I’ve been talking about every single line and how redundant I am in this post, so I’m just going to say how much I love Benjamin and Oliver’s dynamic one more time, and then I’ll shut up about it for this episode. 

13. Ms. Hill’s facial expressions and mannerisms are one of my favorite things about this frickin series. Her little proud shift when she tells them that she made more “Dank memes” and her smirk at Oliver’s terrible joke are so good.

14. Ok, now we’ve caught up to the point where everything in Jasper, the Epilogue, and the Trailer have happened, so there is literally zero knowledge of what is going to happen going forward, and I am so excited for it!

15. Did Quinn not recognize Benjamin from the cult? Or was he just asking about Oliver?

16. I did say I wasn’t going to praise Benjamin and Oliver’s dynamic anymore, but I have to give some appreciation to Jasper and Quinn. Gosh it’s great. Like we only got one scene, but gushing about a show together is one of the best examples of friendship. Also, I’m so glad that Oliver got to hear people gush about his show like that. He deserves it. 

17. QUINN IS A LUCID! I lowkey expected that, but I didn’t expect him to be like... practiced at it. Also, my friend mentioned this when I rewatched it with her, but the swear filter is such a great detail.

18. Why was this scene cut into Jasper episode 6? Does time move that much quicker in Jasper’s dreamscape? Does this give an indication of how time works as far as dreamscapes go? Does time move quicker in some dreamscapes than others? Did he not actually see this when he was knocked out at that time, and that was just foreshadowing?

19. Hey, he referenced the discord! Cool!

20. Oliver getting winded after like 5 seconds of running is a mood. Like same dude, same. 

21. Time for your regularly scheduled loving the music in this series mention. It is so incredibly good! I’ve actually been paying more attention to it lately, and I am completely blown away. I don’t know if that is because this is like par for the course, and I haven’t really thought about the soundtrack for shows that much in the past, or because this series in particular is really good, but either way I enjoy it immensely. 

22.I do not talk enough about the cinematography in this thing. Once again, it might not be more than what most shows do, but this is all done by like one guy! It is amazing!

23. I just realized that Oliver and Benjamin probably just straight up passed out in the Whole Foods in the first episode of TAOBAO. 

24. I wonder if Jasper is going to address what Oliver told him with Quinn later, or if he’s just gonna be like, “oh well,” and keep on livin. 

25. It is moments like these where I wish the fandom was bigger. Normally, I would have been reading Oliver/Benjamin and Quinn/Jasper fanfiction this entire time, and then after this interaction I would have been able to enjoy the brand new flurry of Jasper/Oliver fanfiction, but once again, all I can do is suffer.

26. Wait, why didn’t Ms. Hills realize that Quinn was a Lucid before? Are there certain criteria you have to meet to technically be a Lucid?

27. Was weird time jumping shenanigans going on? Why did we get a clip of Benjamin waking up? Are we going to learn more about how LUCIDS do time stuff in the future?

28. The Ah! A tree! guy was funny enough on his own, but Nick later explained it on the livestream, and gosh, that was a layered joke. 

29. What the actual fuck Ms. Hills. God I have so many thoughts and feelings about this scene. First of all, I almost cried the first time I watched it. Second of all, how are Benjamin and Oliver going to handle this information? Oliver especially? Like that is brutal man. Third of all, who did Quinn meet? Did he find another Lucid who trained him? What happened? Fourth of all, does Arthur know about this? Also, this was an observation from someone in the Discord server who wasn’t me, but does this have any implications for Arthur leaving and then Ms. Hills telling Oliver that “he always comes back”? Holy shit man, this scene is so crazy.

30. Benjamin cheated on Isabelle!? When they had a daughter together!? That scene was like two punches to the face, finding out about what Ms. Hills did, and then what Benjamin did. I can’t believe that he would open with that 2 minute shot making me fall completely in love with their relationship, and then just rip out my heart and completely stomp on it like that. 

31.Before I go into my closing thoughts, I just have to mention how much I love that ending music. Its so sweet and calming and comforting, and I want to be able to listen to the full version as soon as possible. This episode took everything I loved about Part 2, and then ramped it up to a ten. The soundtrack felt even more impressive, the characterization was pure gold in every single line, the character dynamics felt so real and natural, the plot twists were so incredibly insane, and the ending music makes me feel even more like I’m going to cry than the one from Part 2 did, but like in a good, comforting way.

32. Every single character in this series has to have an angsty backstory and moral complexity, don’t they? Like I can’t think of a single main character that those things don’t apply to in at least some way. 

33. Apparently Isabelle is voiced by a fan called astronautdancer (I think that is right) on TikTok who made a spinoff series about Isabelle, which I’m really excited to watch! (Nick did say it probably wasn’t canonical though)

[caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma]

Map of the Soul, Chapter Three

For the @btswritingcafe​‘s Map of the Soul: 7 Workshop

Pairings: OT7 x reader (kinda); Taehyung x reader, Yoongi x reader

Series Summary: If you give a piece of yourself to everyone you love, at some point, there will be nothing left for yourself. While feeling lost and alone in your adult life, a strange box falls onto your head in your own closet, and you take an unexpected walk down memory lane wondering where everything went wrong.  Was it the romances that fizzled out, the friends & loved ones you left behind, the “what could’ve been” moments, the brush with Fate that never quite connected? Could the strange map you find have the answers you are looking for?  Determined to feel complete once again, you embark on a journey to reclaim the missing pieces of your soul.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Just a Smidgen of Smut

Word Count: 6k+

Warnings: cursing & vulgar language, sexual innuendos, mentions of previous sexual encounters, nerdy soulmate things, mentions of suicide, mentions of depression

Chapter Three: The Beautiful Music We Used to Make

March 19th, 6:27pm

“Tae, I need an opinion,” you shouted from the bowels of your closet. “Can you come here a minute?”

You were digging through your unbelievably small collection of cocktail dresses trying to pick out something professional, but still flattering. There was no way you were going to attend this event without looking your absolute best. You already had the most gorgeous plus one ever, but it would take more than the great Kim Taehyung to make you feel confident in the presence of your ex-fiancé.

Min Yoongi.

You tried in vain for many years to forget about your failed engagement to him, but it haunted you nonetheless. Case in point, this fancy university function to honor Min Yoongi for his recent contributions to the Music and Performing Arts Department. Because of his generous donations, they were able to purchase a new grand piano and upgrade the stage and orchestra pit in the auditorium.

I guess becoming a successful musician is worth ending a five year relationship after all.

You swallowed the bitter thoughts and pulled another dress off the rack. Taehyung popped into your closet and actually felt the angst seeping out of your pores, and it aggravated him to no end. The breakup with Yoongi almost broke you, and Taehyung did his best to keep you in one piece. It was difficult from afar, but he managed to keep you focused on school and other things until you were healed enough to move on.

He hated that Yoongi kept slipping back into your life, and he wasn’t about to let this opportunity to confront the guy pass him by. He’d insisted on accompanying you to the event, and he intended to put every other man in the room to shame with his charm and good looks, including Min fucking Yoongi.

Taehyung took in the desperation mounting on your face and he decided to step in and help the damsel in distress before him.

Prince Taehyung to the rescue!

“Ttalgi,” he said softly. “Get your shoes on. We aren’t going to find what you need here. For an event like this, you need something special. Come on, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” you pouted. “It’s already 6:30, Tae. Where could we possibly go at this hour to find clothes?”

“Omela’s, of course,” he grinned. “Where else?”

March 19th, 7:07pm

“That one,” Taehyung breathed out sharply. “It’s perfect.”

You glanced down at the glittering black gown you were wearing and you pursed your lips doubtfully. You’d tried on at least three other dresses, but for some reason, Taehyung was convinced this dress was the winner.

It was beautiful, you had to admit. The slinky material was accented with delicate beadwork and sequined appliques which wrapped up one side of your body and dipped down the other. The slit across your thigh was just revealing enough to still be in good taste. The halter top was a little dated, but Taehyung argued that vintage looks never go out of style.

You turned back around to face the mirror and your gaze met Taehyung’s in the reflection. The confidence etched across his features calmed your anxiety little by little. You twisted back and forth to inspect the different angles of your body and you had to admit, the dress looked pretty good on you.

“Oh, you look gorgeous, honey,” a sweet voice piped up from the racks. “Absolutely beautiful.”

You and Taehyung looked out across the cozy vintage stores and saw a lilac bun of hair bobbing between the aisles of clothing. Omela’s was a jewel of a store located just beyond the hustle and bustle of downtown. The big display windows housed a hodgepodge of mannequins adorned with eclectic vintage clothing from many different decades.

Ms. Omela herself was the very definition of eclectic, always dressed in mismatched clothing from various different styles. She just wore whatever made her happy, and Taehyung absolutely adored her. You stopped in when you could, if only to say hello to the bouncing ball of sweetness that was Ms. Omela. She emerged from between two racks of clothing carrying two more dresses, but when she saw you, she set them aside.

“Now that’s the one, isn’t it?” Ms. Omela sighed happily. “Oh, Taehyungie, isn’t she just a vision?”

“She certainly is, 아줌마 (ajumma/auntie),” Taehyung breathed out, his eyes boring into yours in the reflection.

“Thank you, Ms. Omela,” you replied sweetly. “I’m so glad you were still open. I didn’t realize I needed something this fancy until this afternoon. Bless you.”

“You know I’m always here, honey,” she cooed. “Besides, it’s always a treat when I get to see my favorite customer.”

She leaned over to pinch Taehyung’s cheeks and he blushed under her praise. The old woman had a soft spot for him, and he worshiped her. His love of vintage clothing was kindled in this very store on one of his visits to see you when you were both still in college. He’d seen a shirt in the window and once he got to the second rack in the store, he was hooked. They’d become fast friends and she never hesitated to set items aside for him, knowing that he’d love whatever she found.

“By the way, Taehyungie,” she remembered. “I have a few things you should look at.”

She disappeared through another set of clothing racks and made her way to the back of the store, and Taehyung stepped forward to pull you into a back hug. You both looked at each other in the long mirror and you leaned your head against his broad chest.

“So this dress, huh?” you murmured. “You really think this is the one?”

“Totally,” he replied while placing a kiss on your exposed shoulder. “You look stunning, babe. I can’t wait to see his face when you step in the room.”

“I’m not ready to see him,” you whined slightly. “It’s been almost 10 years, Tae.”

“I’ll be right there with you,” he assured you with a kiss to your temple. “Don’t worry. We just need to figure out which item is his.”

“It’s probably the kazoo,” you scoffed. “You know Yoongi and his musical instruments.”

Ms. Omela waddled back in with a large duffel bag. Taehyung stepped forward to take it from her and she patted his cheek lovingly. You smiled and stepped back into the dressing room to change out of the dress. By the time you exited, Taehyung was already in the room next to yours trying on the clothes she’d brought him.

“I can’t believe you still have this shop open, Ms. Omela,” you grinned. “How do you manage to collect all this amazing clothing?”

“My son, gods bless him, is to thank for my success,” Ms. Omela frowned. “Sometimes I think that he suffers through his terrible corporate job just to keep me happy. Ever since his father died, he’s made every effort to keep the shop open for me. I keep telling him that we should just walk away and let it close, but he refuses to let my utopia die.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” you said. “You’re lucky to have such a devoted son.”

“I really am,” she sighed sadly. “Thank you for saying so, sweetheart. You know, Taehyung reminds me of him so much. Maybe that’s why I love to see his smiling face.”

You smiled earnestly at her and thought of the joy Taehyung brought into other people’s worlds. There really was no limit to the golden effect he had on them.

“Ms. Omela, I think I’m going to take this dress,” you told her. “Do you have any accessories that would go with it?”

“Of course, dear,” she squealed. “I always have accessories for every occasion.”

She wandered off to gather up some items for you to peruse. You could see her small hands reaching up and pulling items from shelves and baskets throughout the store, and you couldn’t resist smiling at her enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Taehyung emerged from the dressing room in a deep green suit with golden accents. The matching silk shirt underneath made his caramel skin glow in the shop’s soft lighting.

“Wow,” you gasped. “You look amazing, Tae.”

Taehyung struck a pose and flipped his hair out of his eyes dramatically. When he shifted his eyes to meet your own, he smirked and lifted a flirty eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes in faux annoyance and smiled at him. The man could probably make an old paper bag look good.

“Oh, Taehyungie,” Ms. Omela cried out from somewhere in the shop. “You look divine, my love.”

“Thank you, ajumma,” he called out. “You always know what will look good on me.”

She emerged from behind a large rack of coats with a small basket full of glittering goodies, which she handed to you before stepping forward to get a better look at Taehyung.

“I knew that suit was for you,” she breathed out happily. “The moment it came in, I set it aside, knowing you’d come back in for it. I’m so happy you like it, sweetheart.”

After selecting a beaded clutch and matching jewelry, you and Taehyung bid Ms. Omela goodbye, promising to stop back into the shop before he left town. You noted that Taehyung was also sporting a few more bracelets on his wrist that weren’t there before. The woman spoiled him rotten.

Spoiled brat. Gotta love him though.

March 20th, 5:47pm

“Stop messing with your dress, ttalgi,” Taehyung commanded. “You’re going to ruin the beading if you keep twisting it like that.”

You couldn’t help it. You’d only been in the university ballroom for ten minutes, and you were already a nervous wreck. Everyone was automatically charmed by Taehyung, and you were happy that the attention was on him and not you. You just couldn’t get your mind off of Yoongi and his imminent arrival.

This was a bad idea.

You had strategically placed the five unclaimed items in your clutch along with your wallet, phone, and lipstick. It was an odd assortment, but you had a feeling that you would be leaving without one of the items tonight. The conversation in the room suddenly rose in volume and your heart dropped in the opposite direction.

“There he is,” you whispered unknowingly at Taehyung, who immediately scowled at the entrance.

“Min fucking Yoongi,” he growled. “I should wipe that fucking smile off his face.”

You released a shaky exhale as you took in the overall appearance of your ex-fiancé. He looked glorious in his crisp black suit and silky ash gray hair. He was accompanied by a bodyguard and his manager, and he made his way through the room shaking hands with the administration and meeting other important figures from the university.

“Damn,” you muttered sharply. “Why does he have to look so good?”

“You look better,” Taehyung insisted. “No one can compare to you right now, babe.”

You nodded at his comment, but it lacked conviction. You were entranced by Yoongi’s subtle grace and the enigmatic smile he gave everyone in the room. It wasn’t a big smile, just a slight pull on the corners of his lips. It was his polite smile, his professional smile. Only a few people ever saw his real smile.

I used to be one of those people.

The president of the university stepped up to the podium and properly introduced Yoongi, citing all of the wonderful contributions he’d made to the university over the years. Yoongi stepped forward and spoke a few words to the crowd, but his composure slipped slightly when he locked eyes with you from across the room. Taehyung must have noticed because he chose that moment to slip his arms around your waist and lean his chin on your bare shoulder.

“Yeah, he saw you,” Taehyung gloated, while kissing your shoulder. “How could he not when you look this incredible, babe?”

“Tae,” you hissed quietly. “Stop.”

“No way, babe,” he chuckled darkly. “If you want to talk to him, this is the best way to get his attention.”

The speech ended, the applause resounded, and everyone was encouraged to enjoy the open bar and hor d’oeuvres.

“I’ll be right back,” Taehyung suddenly announced. “Meet me on the balcony in a few minutes. I want to take in that amazing view with my lovely soulmate before we head out for the night.”

With that, Taehyung wandered off, leaving you alone at the table. You grabbed your drink and made your way onto the large balcony overlooking the city. The twinkling lights were indeed breathtaking, and you released an airy sigh as you focused on the horizon point between the city and the night sky.

You leaned on the ornate metal railing and swept your gaze across the dazzling view. From this perspective, you saw beyond the subdued university buildings and the monotonous drone of academia. The landscape dipped and revealed the lush wooded area surrounding the university grounds. Just past the trees, the horizon was speckled with multicolored lights from the rest of the town. Your entire field of vision was consumed by the twinkling lights, resembling an intricate galaxy of stars.

The gentle breeze whisked across the balcony, ruffling your curls away from your shoulders. You closed your eyes and leaned into the calming zephyr, hoping it would sweep away the anxiety building in your gut. You couldn’t understand how the tension on the balcony felt stifling, but it was steadily growing with each passing moment.

“Hey, stranger,” said a deep voice behind you. “Long time, no see.”

Yoongi.

That voice was unmistakable. The gravelly rumble, the delicate timbre, the playful bounce of his words crushing you under a mountain of anxiety. What exactly do you say to someone you once saw as your happily ever after?

He pulled up on the railing next to you and let out a breath full of an emotion you couldn’t quite place. You turned slightly to look at him and immediately regretted that decision. As soon as his eyes caught your own, he unleashed a devastating gummy smile which made your knees weak.

How does he do that every time?

“Can I just say that you look amazing in that dress?” he grinned. “I don’t know where you got it, but it suits you perfectly.”

“Thanks,” you grumbled. “Taehyung picked it out.”

His expression shifted to annoyed at the mention of your soulmate. The two of them never really got along, but they put up with each other for your sake. Now that you and Yoongi weren’t together, there was no hiding the displeasure in either of their eyes.

“Ah, yes,” Yoongi scoffed, scrunching his nose slightly. “The infamous soulmate. I remember. I guess it makes sense that you ended up together. I never could compete with that asshole.”

“Yoongi,” you admonished. “It was never a competition. Tae and I aren’t together like that. We never have been.”

“So you say,” he muttered coolly. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous right now.”

“Of what?” you snapped. “You have nothing to be jealous of, Yoongi.”

He nodded at that, then turned to look out across the landscape. After a few moments of awkward silence, you decided to broach the topic of the evening.

“So,” you started simply. “How have you been, Yoongi? I know you’re doing well career-wise, obviously. But what about everything else?”

He smiled softly and let out a sigh.

“Always concerned about me,” he chuckled. “I always loved that about you. You never hesitated to think about my well-being.”

“Someone had to,” you challenged. “You were always so focused on music, you would forget to take care of yourself. I worried about you. I still do, if I’m being honest.”

“You do?” quipped playfully. “Why is that, pretty girl?”

You buckled slightly under the pet name he used to call you, but you were determined to address the issue at hand before you lost your nerve.

“Because despite everything that happened between us, I still care about you, Yoongi,” you admitted freely. “I will always care about you, even if you don’t feel the same way.”

His grin evaporated at that, and he furrowed his brows slightly. With a huff, he reached over and put his hand on your waist to pull you closer. Your breath caught in your throat at the proximity, and you released a small gasp as he leaned forward to rub his nose against yours.

“It was never about that,” Yoongi murmured quietly. “I always cared about you. I still do. I just couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you deserved.”

You trembled slightly as his fingertips wandered up and down your sides tracing over the curve of your hip and then up to the swell of your breast. Your resolve was weakening under his expert touch, and why wouldn’t it? The man knew every inch of your body and knew exactly what buttons to push to turn you into a whimpering mess.

“Yoongi,” you whined softly. “Please don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?” he teased lightly. “I’m not doing anything to you...yet.”

You reached up and stopped his hand from moving any further. You couldn’t allow Yoongi to ruin you yet again with his touches. You’d come too far and there was no way you were regressing back into the mess you used to be.

That’s over for me now. I’ve moved on.

“I can’t let you do this to me again, Yoongi,” you explained firmly. “The last time I did, it almost broke me completely. I won’t put myself through that hell again.”

His face softened and he nodded in understanding. He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and noted the glossiness of your eyes. He winced slightly and you saw him gulp in response.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really am. I wish I could be the man you want me to be. I just can’t. Not when I’ve come this far.”

“I know,” you replied softly, reaching out to hold onto one of his belt loops. “I’m really proud of you, you know? You’ve done some amazing things with your music.”

“Thank you,” he smiled genuinely. “That means a lot coming from you.”

You hesitated, but felt like you needed to say one more thing before you lost your nerve.

“He’d be proud too, y’know,” you ventured. “If he was still here, he’d be over the moon for your music.”

Yoongi stiffened against you and let out a huff of warm air. He knew what you were talking about, but you couldn’t tell whether he was comfortable talking about it. He pulled away slightly and your heart broke when you saw his glistening eyes.

Oh no. I’ve gone too far.

While you were both still in college and still figuring out what your futures would be, Yoongi’s best friend was involved in a horrible car accident which left him partially paralyzed from the neck down. They’d both been music performance/production majors: Yoongi, the pianist and his best friend Dae, the percussionist. After the accident, Dae fell into a deep depression knowing he’d never be able to play an instrument properly again. He tried to regain his strength through physical therapy, but in the end, his desire to make music just died along with his desire to live. After a year of despair, frustration, and overwhelming anger, Yoongi found Dae in bed, overdosed on his own sleeping pills.

Needless to say, the whole thing wrecked Yoongi. You stayed by his side, trying to ease the pain of his loss, but it didn’t do any good. Yoongi withdrew into his work, determined to succeed at music, no matter the cost.

You suddenly remembered what Yoongi was always telling you when you begged him to take a break.

I can’t take a break right now, pretty girl. I don’t have a second to waste. I need to do this before I can’t anymore.

Yoongi cleared his throat and shook off the discomfort at the mention of Dae. You thought Yoongi might be retreating again, which you couldn’t blame him for. Dae would always be a tender point of discussion, and you felt bad for even bringing him up. You started to pull away, but he reached forward and grabbed your hand, entwining his fingers with your own. He pulled your hand closer to his lips and placed a gentle kiss against it.

“You’re right,” he sighed heavily. “Dae would probably be talking shit about the stuff I’m writing now, but he’d still like it. He was a bastard sometimes, but a supportive bastard nonetheless.”

You both chuckled at that, and then you settled into another moment of silence. Yoongi was one to break the silence this time.

“I’m sorry,” he pouted. “I was fucking horrible to you after Dae passed. You didn’t deserve that, especially from me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was slipping away from me. There was just this big black shadow following me around and it didn’t matter where I went or who I was with, I couldn’t get rid of it.”

“It’s ok, Yoongi,” you soothed. “You were in a lot of pain. I just wanted to be there for you.”

“I know,” he admitted sheepishly. “But it was definitely not ok. You were so patient and loving and I treated you like shit. I neglected the one person who was trying to make me happy in the midst of all that pain and angst. We just kept going back and forth and I figured it was better to stop everything before I ruined your life completely. It was a shitty thing to do, and I should’ve been a better person for you.”

“You’re better now,” you reminded him. “Are you happy with your life, Yoongi?”

He looked you in the eye and gave you a lopsided smile. You knew that smile. It was the smile he gave people when he wanted them to believe that he was fine when he really wasn’t. You weren’t falling for it, and he knew it. He rolled his eyes at you, knowing that you were calling his bluff.

“I’m not unhappy,” he admitted. “I love my job, and I love the freedom that comes along with it. It does get a little lonely sometimes, but I deal. The hardest part is dealing with writer’s block. I’m actually in the middle of a block right now.”

“You? Blocked?” you teased. “The unstoppable writing machine is blocked? How is that possible?”

“Don’t tease me,” he whined cutely. “It’s a serious condition. I have a deadline coming up and I’m just stuck. Nothing sounds right and my mind just goes blank when I try to put beats together. It’s so frustrating.”

“I know,” you agreed. “Remember what Dae would do when you got stuck? He’d start banging on everything in the studio trying to inspire you. A random smack of a chair or the reverb off of the cabinets would catch your attention and then you were off and running like a madman.”

You both cracked up at the memory. Yoongi flashed another gummy smile at you and you felt blessed to be in its presence.

“I remember,” he chortled. “There was even that stupid purple kazoo he brought in once. He swore that even though he didn’t play a wind instrument, he could still outplay everyone in the building.”

You froze as he guffawed at the ridiculousness.

Purple kazoo!

Yoongi caught on to your sudden stiff posture and the panicked look in your eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong, pretty girl?” he asked, eyes full of concern. “Was it something I said?”

You flashed him a look and tried to swallow, but your throat was inexplicably dry. You gulped down the rest of your drink and set the glass aside on a side table on the patio.

“Stay here,” you pleaded. “I have to show you something, but it’s in my purse. I’ll be right back.”

“Ok, I’ll wait right here,” he agreed, although still concerned about your shift in demeanor. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, I promise,” you replied shakily. “Just wait, give me a minute.”

You rushed back inside and grabbed your clutch. Taehyung was talking up your friend Gina in the corner, so you dashed back to the balcony without a second thought. Once you reached Yoongi, you thought it prudent to explain yourself.

“So, I have absolutely no way of explaining this, so please don’t freak out,” you prompted. “I found this in a box in my apartment, and I didn’t know it belonged to you until just now.”

You opened your purse and pulled out the purple kazoo. Yoongi’s eyes lit up with recognition and his jaw dropped.

“What the,” he sputtered. “Why do you have Dae’s kazoo? Do you have any idea how long I’ve been looking for that?!”

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “Like I said, I have absolutely no idea where it came from or how it came to be in my possession, but here it is.”

You handed him the kazoo and he took it gingerly from your fingers and just held it, his face full of wonder and disbelief. His eyes watered as he looked at it, and you tried to soothe him by rubbing his arms.

“This is the last thing Dae ever gave me,” Yoongi explained. “He’d left it in my studio and I took it to his apartment the night before he...the night before he-”

The words caught in his throat and he took a deep breath to combat the onslaught of tears pushing at the back of his eyes. You pulled him into a gentle hug, hoping to assuage his grief, if even a little.

“We talked for hours that night,” Yoongi croaked into your shoulder. “He even played on this stupid thing for me. Before I left, he handed it over and said I should record some kazoo for my next track. He said it would be the next big thing in hip hop.”

You continued to rub soothing circles on his back, but Yoongi just kept trembling in your arms. If you’d known how emotional this whole thing was going to be, you would’ve waited until you weren’t around crowds of people to unveil this sensitive information. Yoongi took a deep shaking breath and shuddered against you. He clutched at your back briefly and then slowly pulled away from your grasp. He pulled the silver pocket square out of his lapel and wiped the tears from his face.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi,” you murmured softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just realized what it was when you mentioned it, and I thought you would want it.”

“I do,” he sniffled. “I don’t know why you ended up with it, but I’m glad you were able to bring it back to me. Thank you, pretty girl.”

“Don’t mention it,” you smiled. “I’m happy to help.”

“I just wish I had something to give you in return,” he sighed. “But I don’t have any-”

Yoongi suddenly paused and cocked his head sideways at you with a perplexed look on his face. He pulled up his sleeve and undid the cuff links holding his shirt together. He unveiled a bracelet of red silk thread woven around a silver eternity symbol. He pulled the adjustable strings to loosen it and then slid it off his wrist.

“I found this in my accessories collection the other day and I’ve been compelled to wear it every day,” he told you. “I don’t know where it came from, but every time I look at it, I’ve thought about you. It’s the strangest thing.”

He pulled your wrist up and adjusted the strings so the bracelet fit snugly against your wrist. He grinned at the sight and pulled your wrist to his lips.

“It suits you,” he murmured against your wrist. “It’s like it was made for you, pretty girl.”

Your cheeks were dusted pink at his words, but you returned his smile anyway. His eyes traced over your face as though searching for the answer to a question he had yet to ask.

“I can never apologize enough for what happened between us,” he proclaimed. “But just know that there is not one day that goes by where I don’t think about you. I know I made my music career a priority, but that was only because I was afraid of losing it like Dae. If the tables had been turned and I was the one who had ended up in his position, I don’t know if I would’ve survived either. Music is everything to me, and the thought of losing that terrifies me, even now.”

“I understand,” you sighed out sadly. “I just wish that losing me scared you just as much. Our relationship suffered because of that fear. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, Yoongi. It just sucks that you didn’t want the same thing with me.”

His hand twitched against yours and he seemed to hesitate for some reason. He suddenly released a huff of breath and licked his lips.

“Fuck it,” he whispered.

Yoongi leaned forward and captured your lips with his own. The Universe stood still for a moment and you melted against his chest. The kiss wasn’t harsh, but just firm enough to give you butterflies and make your knees weak. You leaned into the kiss and pushed back just enough to elicit a needy hum from Yoongi.

You parted your lips and you felt Yoongi’s tongue sprint forward into your mouth, taking complete control of the kiss. The heat levels increased between you, and your mind flailed uselessly against the magnetic pull of Min Yoongi. Awash in a torrent of longing and nostalgia, the two of you sunk into an all too familiar passionate embrace. He pulled away from your lips, too soon, and leaned his forehead against your own.

“Music may be my first love,” he admitted openly while sinking his fingers into your hair possessively. “But I swear you will always be my last. No one will ever compare to you, pretty girl. Many have tried, but none of them even come close to you. If I couldn’t make a relationship work with you, then there is absolutely no hope for anyone else. I would rather go the rest of my life loving you from afar than trying to fake it with someone else.”

“Yoongi,” you gasped. “Please don’t say that. That sounds so lonely. I don’t want to think about you being all alone. It hurts my heart to hear that.”

“I’m not alone, pretty girl,” he assured you. “I have my music, and let’s be honest. With my busy schedule, a relationship isn’t going to be a real possibility for a very long time. I have no intention of slowing down any time soon. I’ll worry about that when the time comes. Until then, I have my memories of you to keep me smiling every day.”

He reached down and pulled your wrist up to run his fingers across the infinity bracelet. You watched as he traced out the never ending loop over and over again.

“That’s what this is, pretty girl,” Yoongi murmured softly. “Let this be a reminder that no matter what, my love for you is infinite. The memories of what we shared will always be a comfort to me, even when darkness falls.”

“How can that be enough?” you insisted. “They’re just memories, Yoongi.”

“Hey,” he said while reaching up to hold your face between his glorious hands. “Just knowing that you don’t hate me and that you still care about me is more than enough for now. I promise that if I ever need more than that, I will be giving you a call. Not as an ex, but as a friend. Before anything else, we were friends. I’d like that to still be true, if you’re willing.”

“Of course,” you breathed out in relief. “I would love that.”

You wrapped your arms around Yoongi’s neck and he returned your tender embrace. You both sighed out happily, and then you heard approaching footsteps menacing across the balcony.

“Well, well, well,” Taehyung drawled. “If it isn’t Min fucking Yoongi, my old nemesis.”

“Kim Elizabeth Taehyung,” Yoongi gloated cheekily as he turned to face him. “Still with a flair for the dramatic, I see.”

“Hey,” Taehyung shot back angrily as he pointed a long finger at you. “Only she gets to call me by that name. That is a soulmate trademarked nickname.”

“Ah yes, how could I forget?” Yoongi teased. “My pretty girl and her annoying soulmate, always joined at the hip, even from far, far away.”

“She isn’t your pretty girl anymore,” Taehyung reminded him. “You lost those privileges a long time ago, or don’t you remember breaking that pretty girl’s heart into a thousand pieces?”

Yoongi winced at that, but you rubbed his arm reassuringly. You glared at Taehyung who only smirked back at you triumphantly. He noticed your sudden tenderness toward Yoongi and his smirk morphed into a confused pout.

“That’s enough, Tae,” you announced. “Yoongi is not my enemy, nor is he yours. Back off.”

Taehyung recoiled slightly and ruffled his hair, trying to shake the confusion out of his curling tendrils. He shifted his weight to his other leg and looked Yoongi up and down, as if to assess any changes or hidden transformations he’d missed earlier. With narrowed eyes and a brief lift of his chin, Taehyung glanced back to your softened gaze.

“We don’t hate him anymore?” Taehyung questioned carefully. “Are you sure?”

You leaned over to kiss Yoongi on the cheek, drawing a flash of red across his cheeks and ears. You grinned at his embarrassment and shook your head at Taehyung as his jaw literally dropped in astonishment.

“No, we don’t hate him anymore, Tae,” you continued. “We’re good.”

“Oh, thank the gods,” Taehyung breathed. “Finally.”

Much to your surprise, Taehyung stepped forward and took Yoongi’s hand in his own. Taehyung’s boxy grin made an appearance as he shook Yoongi’s hand and started talking a mile a minute. Yoongi went into mini panic mode with Taehyung’s abrupt advance into his personal space and he shot you a questioning look. You just shrugged.

“Can I just say that your last album was fucking incredible?” Taehyung blabbed. “I mean, your beats are fire, man, and don’t even get me started on those lyrics you write.”

“U-umm, thanks, man,” Yoongi stuttered. “I worked really hard on them.”

“We totally need to hang out sometime and just shoot the shit, y’know?” Taehyung persisted. “I would love to sit down and just watch you work. I bet it’s amazing.”

A deep voice broke up the love fest erupting all over Yoongi.

“Mr. Min,” his bodyguard announced unceremoniously. “It’s time to go. We have that flight in the morning, sir.”

“Yeah, ok, I’m going,” Yoongi assured him. “Just give me a second.”

You and Taehyung both looked at Yoongi and giggled at the awkward tension that dispersed now that the guard had intruded on Taehyung's moment of fawning over your ex.

“I gotta go,” Yoongi shrugged, while handing both you and Taehyung his business card. “But let’s catch up when I get back. I have to do a small promo tour over the next few weeks, but I’d love to get dinner with you guys when I get back.”

“Oh, I can’t,” Taehyung pouted. “I don’t actually live here right now. But hey, if you ever need a new marketing guy, let me know. I would quit my job in a second to work with you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Kim,” Yoongi chuckled, shaking Taehyung’s hand again. “Do me a favor and take care of this pretty girl for me. I know she’ll be in good hands if she’s with you.”

“Of course,” Taehyung breathed out. “It’s my mission in life to keep her safe and happy.”

“Then she’s lucky to have you,” Yoongi said with a grin. “Very lucky, indeed.”

He turned to face you and you couldn’t resist the puppy dog look on his face. You leaned over and offered him one last kiss on his pouty lips.

“I’ll be fine,” you told him sweetly. “We’re fine. Go on and break through that mental block of yours. I’m sure you’ll figure it out before you know it.”

He pulled the kazoo out of his pocket and unleashed yet another gummy smile.

“Now that I have this,” he mused. “I’m sure something will come to me. Thank you. I mean it.”

After giving you one last gummy smile, he turned away and walked over to his bodyguard, leaving both you and Taehyung on the balcony. Taehyung put his arm around you and leaned his head on yours, deep in thought.

“Everything went well, I’m assuming,” Taehyung casually commented. “You both seem to be in a good place now, better than you were before at least.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “Better than you anyway. What was with that full blown fanboy you busted out on him? Stan much, Tae-bear?”

“Come on, ttalgi,” he retorted. “The man is a musical genius. You cannot deny the man’s talent. I would be remiss not to recognize and respect the full power of Min fucking Yoongi.”

“Are you ever going to stop calling him that?” you giggled.

“Never,” he proclaimed. “That will always and forever be his name. Now, I say we take this party elsewhere. You look too damn good in that dress to waste away in your apartment.”

“Fine,” you sighed. “What did you have in mind?”

“Bar?” he suggested. “With karaoke? I’m buying.”

“Who could say no to that?” you gushed. “Lead the way, Elizabeth.”

You linked your arm in Taehyung’s and made your way out of the ballroom, your steps a little lighter than they were before.

Another successful exchange, Universe. Keep them coming.

Author’s Note: Man, I love me some Min fucking Yoongi. This was a shorter chapter, but it doesn’t diminish the impact on the rest of the story. We’re getting into the heart of the adventure, y’all. I hope everyone is ready to jump into the next chapter. KARAOKE WITH TAE!! Let me know how you’re liking the story so far. Until next time!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Chapter Two: Soulmates are a Forever Kind of Thing

NEXT CHAPTER

Chapter Four: Just Filter Out the Bad, Keep the Good

MAP OF THE SOUL MASTERLIST

@caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma​‘s MASTERLIST

[relanah-qahs]

MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

Whumptober 2020 No.3 

Title: The Only One Who Matters

Fandom: Final Fantasy VII

Prompt: Manhandled | Forced to their knees | Held at gunpoint

Rating: M for swearing and violence, Relationship: Elena & Gun (Emma) Words: 1709

Tags: Sibling rivalry, held at gunpoint, young Elena, near death experience, introspection, Elena hates the Turks, character backstory, hurt no comfort

AO3 Link.  FFNet Link

Summary: It was at the very moment Elena knew her life’s path had changed. If joining the Turks meant stripping away one’s humanity and empathy, then she wanted absolutely no part of it.

εγλ 0002 September 24. 21:47. Midgar Sector 6 Slums.

Elena was too shaken to do anything other than stare wide-eyed through the barrel of the gun pointed at her face. Her mind was completely blank and time seemed to stand completely still. Her fingers twitched, but she couldn’t bring her arms up to a defensive position. She simply stood there, her arms at her side, mouth wide open, breath vacuumed out of her.

Why couldn’t she move? Why was she freaking out now? She was at the top of her class at Shinra Military Academy, she had been studying marksmanship and other fighting disciplines since she was a kid. So why did her body fail her now?

“Gimme your purse or I will blast off that pretty face of yours!” The gunman’s gruff voice echoed in Elena’s ears.

She felt herself take in a shaky breath and choked out a sob. “Please, please don’t!” It was her own voice, but Elena had no control over the words coming from her. “I’ll do what you want, just please don’t hurt me!”

“Purse, now!”

Elena quickly, and without thinking, slid her pink handbag off from her shoulder and held it in front of her. The gunman snatched it from her but kept the gun pointed menacingly at her face. He was a very rough-looking guy; he was thin and appeared skeleton-like in his huge overcoat, his scraggly beard was matted with grime, and he was missing some teeth. The criminal reeked of mako--probably a junkie desperate to buy his next fix.

Elena sobbed while her attacker flipped through the contents of her handbag: Her dorm keys, her headphones, a pack of tissues, then finally the grand prize--her sparkly pink wallet. She would lose all her tips she got from her part-time job at the bar tonight, probably her train pass and student ID too. If only she could have brought her gun. She specialized in marksmanship, but she wasn’t allowed to take her weapon outside the shooting range since she was underage. But even if she did have her gun with her, would she even have the strength to shoot a real, living human?

“Okay, you got you what you wanted,” she said in a shaky voice. “Now will you please let me go?”

“Shut up!” The gunman dropped the purse and grabbed her hair. She yelped from pain and fear as her blonde hair was forcefully pulled at her scalp. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do.” He forced her down, her knees hitting the ground with a painful thud.

Elena was crying hysterically now. She had never felt so helpless. Why? That was the only word that echoed through her mind. Why? Why couldn’t she fight back? Why wouldn’t her body just move? Why did all her combat training fail to reach her at such a critical moment?

She felt the gun being pressed to her temple. Was this it? Was it really going to end like this? Her life suddenly flashed before her eyes. Her childhood memories at Dad’s house with her sister Emma. Then memories of elementary school, always getting the highest grades, but Dad never being pleased because Emma always did better. Then memories of the military academy flashed before her; she was always in a fierce competition with her classmates. She had no friends, only rivals. And being the daughter of the headmaster meant she was in a constant state of pressure. She worked as hard as she could to be the top of her class, to be the best marksman in the entire school. But all of that meant nothing now. Why? Why did she train so hard only to be helpless at the end?

Why couldn’t she fight back? Why did she push herself so hard? What was it even for? Why was Dad never pleased with her? Why was it never enough? Why was it going to end like this?

Why? Gunshot.

The loud bang overloaded her senses. It was finished.

But it wasn’t her life that ended. She slowly opened her eyes and took in the gruesome sight in front of her. The man who had threatened her laid dead, his eyes wide open, the blood oozing out of his skull and slowly pooling at the ground where she knelt.

“Elena, get up.”  The voice came from her right side. Elena could barely hear it over the ringing in her ears. She turned her head to examine her savior who was now holstering her gun.

It was Emma.

Elena burst into tears and sobbed from the relief washing over her. She quickly got up from the ground, her whole body shaking.

“Oh my god, Sis! You saved me!” Elena ran towards her sister and wrapped her arms around her in the tightest embrace she could manage.

But suddenly Emma forced her back. The young woman held onto Elena’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. Elena couldn’t tell what emotion Emma was expressing, but it wasn’t relief.

“Elena, you’re pathetic.”

Her cold words hit Elena like a punch to the gut. She stared at her sister completely dumbfounded.

“What? Sis, what are you-?”

“You could have taken on that guy, so why didn’t you? Why didn’t you fight him?”

Elena couldn’t find the words to respond. She lowered her gaze to the ground and felt the agonizing warmth of shame rush onto her face.

“You’re only a year away from graduating from military school. You train in combat every day, self-defense should be second nature to you! What was all that studying for, Elena? You show off in the gym only to choke the second you’re in actual danger? Get a fucking grip, Sis. When you’re out in the field, your life will always be on the line. You have to be stronger. You can’t break down and cry just because you’re scared. You will never make it into the Turks if you can’t get your shit together.”

Elena couldn’t help the tears from falling and the noisy sobs escaping her throat. “I’m sorry, Sis! I’m so sorry.”

Emma sighed. “Don’t be sorry. Do better.”

Emma called the Shinra Security officers and explained the situation. She ordered them to remove the body and to not question Elena. Being a Turk meant she had the authority to tell them what to do, and they obeyed without question. Elena couldn’t help but feel glad she didn’t need to talk to the Security officers; she couldn’t relive this again and expose her cowardice. She just hoped this incident wouldn’t reach her school administrators and, most importantly, her father.

What would he say? Would he be disappointed in her?

Emma insisted on escorting Elena back to campus. They didn’t speak to each other the entire train ride back onto the Plate. Elena focused only on controlling her emotions as she didn’t want anyone to see her cry again tonight.

They arrived at the school’s gates. Elena fumbled through her purse for her wallet to present her school ID. She might get in trouble for missing curfew.

“Get some rest, Sis,” said Emma. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Elena clutched her ID tightly and shot a pleading look towards her sister. “Emma, please, please don’t tell Dad!” She felt another sob rise from her chest at the thought of letting him down in such a terrible way.

Emma shook her head. “He’s going to find out eventually. It’s better if he hears from me instead of the Security officers.”

“I can’t let him down! You said it yourself, didn’t you? I couldn’t defend myself when it really mattered! I’m a total failure. He’ll be so mad at me.”

“That’s not true!” Emma placed a gentle hand on Elena’s shoulder. “He’s not going to mad at you. He’s always worried about you! Just trust me, okay?”

“Whatever,” said Elena. She brushed off her sister’s hand. “You wouldn’t understand anyway. I’m going to bed.”

Elena turned and walked towards the gate, holding her ID to show to the school security guards. She stopped. “Sis,”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for saving me.”

Elena took a long, hot shower as soon as she arrived back at her dorm. She was desperate to get rid of all of the filth and remaining stench of death and gunpowder from her skin. She cried more. It was amazing she had any tears left. She breathed in the steam to try to soothe her aching nose and throat. By the time she dried off it was way past midnight. She quietly opened the door to her dorm to not awaken her roommates. She slid into her bed and hugged her teddy bear tightly to her chest. She could feel another sob rising from her. Her head ached terribly, her face red from the burning salt of her tears. She couldn’t allow a sound to escape her, she couldn’t show weakness to her roommates--her rivals.

You will never make it into the Turks if you don’t get your shit together. Emma’s words echoed through her mind.

Fuck the Turks. And fuck Emma.

If joining the Turks meant stripping away one’s humanity and empathy, then she wanted absolutely no part of it. Her ultimate goal ever since her first year of military school was to one day be one of the Turks, Shinra’s elite mercenary force. The agents who answered only to the President himself. Dad was so proud when Emma was hired, and he expected nothing less of Elena.

But now? Now after actually seeing them in action? No way. After facing death so closely, all she wanted was the comfort and kindness of her sister. But instead she was yelled at to do better. The Turks must beat the kindness out of their recruits.

It was at that very moment, Elena knew her life’s path had changed. No more pursuing the Turks. She would find her own way. Maybe she would quit marksmanship class too and switch her specialty to martial arts. Martial arts would teach her to be strong and she would never be helpless again.

No matter where life took her, Elena would be strong. And kind. That was her promise to the only person who mattered--herself.

[noona-clock]

Look After You

Genre: Regency!AU/Single Parent!AU

Pairing: Choi Minho x You (Female Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of death and some mature themes

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,642

“Wow,” Caroline breathed, her nose pressed to the window of the carriage as her breath fogged up the glass. 

Your eldest daughter, now just about six, had slid away from you to the other end of the bench seat when she’d seen the large manor home come into view. She lived in a rather vast estate house herself, so it’s not like she’d never seen a house of that size before, but... When you saw the grand Jacobean-style architecture, all the columns and parapets and round-arch arcades, you were a bit breathless, as well.

“Let me see, Mama!” your youngest, Louisa, cried as she scrambled off your lap to slide over to the other window. The three-year-old rose up on her knees, placing her hands on the glass on either side of her small face and let out a very amazed-sounding gasp.

“It’s a beautiful house, isn’t it, darlings?” you remarked with a grin, keeping a close eye on both of them in case the carriage rolled over a particularly bumpy rock and knocked them off their seats.

“This is where Aunt Abigail is getting married?” Caroline asked, her eyes still glued to the mansion in the distance.

“It is,” you confirmed. “Her husband-to-be lives here. Well, sometimes. He has a house in London, too, but this house is much bigger and better for a large wedding.”

“And prettier,” Louisa added.

It was quite true. The grandiose manor was surrounded by acres and acres of rolling hills and green pastures and lush farmland and colorful gardens. As you had admitted to yourself just moments ago, it was absolutely breathtaking.

In fact, it was so breathtaking you were beginning to feel a knot of emotion forming in your throat.

...Or maybe that was the fact you were thinking about your younger sister getting married.

You were happy for her, of course. More than happy. She’d found true love and happiness in her fiancé, Onew. It didn’t matter that he was a Duke; Abigail had met him at a London ball and fallen madly in love -- and he with her. What was there to not be happy about?

...Okay, there was something. A little something to not be happy about.

Your younger sister getting married reminded you that you no longer were. Married, that is.

You had been, of course; you had two daughters, after all. It’s just that your husband had passed away over two years ago; he’d been ill for most of his life, and he had succumbed to it before he’d even turned thirty. Before your eldest daughter had even turned four and your youngest had even turned one.

Life can be so cruel sometimes.

You shook your head softly, mentally reminding yourself not to get too lost in your own grief because this was a happy occasion! Your sister was getting married, and she was as blissful as you’d ever seen her.

Plus, two years was enough time to not be totally overcome by your loss. You were out of the mourning period and had been for quite some time. You had your daughters to look after. And, for now, you had your family to look after you.

Caroline and Louisa continued to ooh and ahh and squeal as the carriage trundled ever closer to the manor home.

“Look, Mama!” Caroline gasped, glancing at you over her shoulder. “It’s Aunt Abigail! She’s waiting outside for us!”

Now it was your turn to slide down the bench toward the window. You picked up Louisa and set her on your lap again, craning your neck to peer out the window above Caroline.

Sure enough, there was your younger sister, jumping up and down and waving her arms about. She then stopped, turning toward her husband-to-be standing behind her and grasping his arm in excitement.

You could see from here that he smiled down at her, a warm and loving smile full of adoration.

And, oh, were you glad. Your sister was very dear to you; there was no way you could have let her marry a man who loved her less than Onew did.

The carriage conveying your mother, father, and two younger brothers was ambling along in front of you, and you watched as it slowed to a stop in front of the manor’s main entrance, where Abigail and Onew were waiting. Your driver was not far behind, and as soon as the footman opened the door, your girls jumped down and ran to greet their favorite aunt (their only aunt - while you had only one sister, you had four brothers. Choosing a favorite uncle was always a challenge for Caroline and Louisa, for they all spoiled them considerably).

“Hello, my dearest ones!” you heard Abigail cry, and you alighted from the carriage just in time to see her scoop them into her arms and hug them tightly. “Are you excited to be here? Isn’t this house grand and miraculous?”

“Hello, darling,” you heard a deep voice murmur next to you. 

A small smile immediately tugged at your lips as you felt your father’s hand come to rest in-between your shoulder blades.

“Papa,” you greeted after turning your head to look at him.

“How was your journey?” he asked with a slightly furrowed brow.

“It was the same as yours,” you chuckled. “We all came from the same place, remember?”

After your husband had died, your family had insisted upon moving you back to the estate where you grew up, where your parents and two younger brothers still lived.

Your husband had been a Viscount, but since you had not produced a male heir, his younger cousin inherited the title and everything which went along with it -- including your house. You’d lost everything, even your husband, in the blink of an eye.

You enjoyed living with your family, of course. Caroline and Louisa did, too -- probably more than you since their uncles and grandparents doted on them so.

But you’d had a taste of independent living while you’d been married. You’d had a taste of running your own home and being a Viscountess with duties and responsibilities. So, living back at home with your family, feeling like you had to obey your parents’ rules... it felt constricting at times.

The new Viscount had just recently made you a very generous offer, though, one which you knew you would have to accept: you and your daughters could live in one of the farmhouses located on his country estate, one much like Onew’s, without having to pay rent or do any actual farm labor.

You hadn’t told anyone about it, though; you were planning on waiting until after the wedding to break the news.

After everyone had greeted and hugged each other, Onew invited your family inside, even taking Caroline and Louisa by the hand and walking in with them.

The breathlessness you’d experienced in the carriage upon seeing just the outside of the manor returned in full force when you stepped inside the manor. It was more luxurious and grand than any home you’d been to, including your own. Your father was a Duke, the same as Onew, but even his family estate didn’t quite measure up to this.

Onew began leading your family in a tour of the house, though he assured you he wouldn’t take you into every room. There had to be at least two hundred of them, so a full tour would take the whole day!

He showed you the sitting room, the parlor, the drawing room, the library, the dining room, and the study. When you reached the main staircase, you heard your sister’s delighted voice call out a name.

“Minho!”

You had just been distracted by an enormous, beautiful painting hung up in the hall, but the sound of that name made your gaze snap to attention.

Minho.

You had completely forgotten.

Your eyes landed on a tall but muscular frame, his long legs trotting down the stairs in front of you. But then his smile caught your eye, and you nearly fall back onto the floor. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen a grin so bright and friendly, a face so handsome...

Besides that of your husband’s, of course.

Obviously.

The excitement of seeing your sister had totally overshadowed the fact that Minho, your late husband’s former best friend from boarding school, was Onew’s younger brother. You had never met him before since he and your husband had fallen out of touch after graduating onto university, but you had been friends with your husband since childhood. He had told you about his boarding school adventures with Minho in his letters, so you knew all about him. 

Rather, you knew all about him as an adolescent.

You didn’t know much about him as an adult... though, you’d heard things.

Lots of things.

And none of them were very good.

If the society rumors were true, the death of the former Duke and Duchess (Minho and Onew’s parents) had taken quite a toll of him. He had been in University at the time, and he had dropped out soon afterward. He’d -- allegedly -- made his way to London where he’d spent every night drunk, gambling, and in the arms of a new woman.

...At least, that’s what you’d heard.

Whether or not it was actually true remained to be seen.

Looking at his face, you would find it hard to believe he hadn’t been in the arms of a new woman every night.

And now, of course, your cheeks were warming just thinking about that.

“This is my younger brother, Minho,” Onew introduced as Minho reached the bottom of the stairs. “This is Abigail’s... entire family, pretty much. Except for Gabriel and Jacob, whom you met when they arrived with their families yesterday.”

Ah, that’s right! Your two older brothers were already here; you hadn’t seen them in months since they both had their own wives and children. Caroline and Louisa would certainly be pleased to see their cousins.

“Very pleased to meet you,” Minho responded as he reached out to shake your father’s hand.

And then, quite unexpectedly, Minho turned to you, pointing a finger and quirking an eyebrow at you. “I know you.”

Your head jerked back slightly in surprise, and everyone standing in the hall turned to look at you.

“You -- you do?”

“Well, I know -- knew -- your husband.”

To be frank, you were quite amazed he remembered.

“Ah, yes,” you replied with a breathless chuckle. “Yes, I believe you did.”

It looked as though he were about to step up to you, maybe take hold of your hand and clutch it to his chest as a show of sympathy. But your eldest interrupted before he had the chance.

“You knew my Papa?” Caroline asked in a small voice, her little eyebrows raised.

Minho’s own eyebrows raised, and he turned away from you to face your daughter.

You were about to intervene and scold Caroline for being impolite, but Minho almost immediately crouched down to be face-to-face with her. He reached out and took her hand from Onew’s, holding it delicately.

“Yes, I did,” he answered gently. “We went to school together when we were younger. I didn’t know he had a daughter.”

Caroline simply nodded, and you saw her cheeks growing pink.

“What’s your name?” Minho asked.

“Caroline,” your daughter replied with a nod. And then she nodded her head toward her younger sister. “And that’s Louisa.”

Minho looked over to Louisa, and you heard the grin in his voice when he said, “He has two daughters?”

Louisa nodded shyly before stepping behind Onew’s legs.

“She’s scared of new people,” Caroline explained in her typical know-it-all voice.

“Am not!” Louisa retorted with a deep frown.

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

Oh, boy. What a lovely first impression your daughters were making on Minho.

“Girls, please --” you began, taking a step toward them.

But then Minho quickly picked Caroline up, hoisting her on his waist and standing up. “If she’s shy, then we won’t bother her,” he said. “Would you like to go see the playroom?”

Caroline gasped, suddenly clutching onto Minho’s neck and nodding vigorously.

“But I want to go, too!” Louisa piped in. She then looked over at you, and you took it as your cue to get involved.

“Come, my darling,” you said softly, stepping over there and taking her hand. “Let’s go with them. We’ll probably find your cousins up there.”

“Are those little mongrels your cousins?” Minho asked teasingly.

Of course, all the way up to the playroom on the second floor, Caroline and Louisa giggled with delight at Minho calling their cousins ‘mongrels.’ By the time you and Minho reached the door, they were scrambling to get down and share the news with Gabriel’s three sons and Jacob’s son and daughter, all under the age of ten.

“Thank you, My Lord,” you murmured after Caroline and Louisa dashed into the room yelling their cousins’ names.

“Oh, it was my pleasure,” he replied with a charming grin.

“No, truly,” you urged. “It was very kind of you to be so nice to my girls. I know it’s been years since you even talked to my husband -- late husband.”

Minho turned slightly toward you, though he still stayed a proper distance away from you. “I was so very sorry to hear about his untimely passing,” he said quietly. “I... At that moment, I regretted immensely not ever reaching back out to him or going to your wedding or --”

“There’s nothing can be done now,” you reminded him gently, feeling your brow furrow.

“Right, of course,” Minho said, a forced smile tugging at his lips. “Please do accept my condolences and sincerest sympathies.”

You nodded and dipped down into a small curtsy. “Thank you, My Lord. They are much appreciated.”

Minho suddenly jumped to attention and turned toward you fully, extending his hand out to you. “I am so sorry, we have not even properly met.”

You somewhat cautiously slid your hand into his, and he bowed his head over it before saying, “I’m Minho. Please, you can call me by name if you’d like since we’ve indirectly known each other for years.”

“Nice to finally meet you, My Lord,” you replied, purposely not using his first name. You were not so bold as to do that. “I am Y/N, though you may call me Miss Y/L/N or My Lady.” Your father was a Duke, so you still had that title, at least.

Minho’s lips quirked into an amused smirk as if to say ‘All right, I get it.’ 

“Yes, M’lady,” he murmured. “It is quite a pleasure to meet you. I heard so much about you at boarding school.”

“Did you?” you asked with some embarrassment.

Minho nodded, looking a bit too pleased with himself. “He read most of your letters out loud and talked about you constantly.”

Oh, it hurt your heart to hear that.

And, much to your chagrin, you felt your eyes fill with tears.

“Did he?” you asked, your lips pulling into a watery grin.

“He did,” Minho confirmed with a very warm and compassionate expression on his face, in his eyes. “I always wanted to meet you. It took a while, but... I’m glad I finally did.”

Well.

Considering the rumors about his past, you weren’t entirely sure what to think about his feelings toward meeting you, but...

You would hold off judgment. For now.

Just thinking about the way he crouched down to speak to Caroline, how he picked her up with no hesitation, how he offered to show your girls to the playroom...

It was the first time your heart had melted - just a little - since your late husband’s death had frozen it.

That had to account for something.

Part 2

[jennyfair7]

Ask a phan - 1, 6, 18, and 29 :)

Thanks for the ask, @helloitskrisha! 😘

1) Who is your favorite ALW musical Phantom? My “classic” favorite is Peter Karrie. He was my third Phantom and was a big part of my POTO sexual awakening in my teens 😅 

But my all-time favorite is probably Earl Carpenter. I remember not being impressed when I first heard boots of him, but when I saw him live…WOW. Kneeling at the ring return?? 😭 It’s one of the only times I’ve cried at the end. (Based on actors I’ve seen live, since there are too many to choose from if I include boots 😂)

6) How were you first introduced to PotO? The first version I remember seeing is the Cherik 1990 miniseries, actually! 

18) Who are your favorite artists/writers in the phandom? Oof this is too tough to answer. There’s so much amazing talent out there, past and present! (Plus I’m the worst at choosing favorites in general 😬)

29) What’s your darkest secret related to your PotO obsession? Probably the amount of money I’ve spent on it 💸 I’ve seen the show live 60 times in various places and have a pretty extensive collection of souvenirs/merch/books/etc…not to mention that when I first started trading, everything was on CDs and DVDs by mail. I’d hate to know the grand total 🙈

xoxo

[exosmutxoxo]

sweetener ☁️🍬

A/N: This is a little birthday present to my angel Ayesha @g-exo Happy birthday my love, you deserve all the happiness and joy in the world, and I hope you enjoy this little sweet treat I wrote for you ❤️ I based it off the tracks on Ariana Grande’s ‘sweetener’ album, because I figured that all of us deserve a little sweetener in our lives <3 This little scenario is nothing fancy nor extravagant. To be honest, it is one of my simplest works ever since I started writing. But hey, sweet and simple is still the best way to go  ❤️

Pairing(s): Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Fluff / Angst

Warning(s): Mentions of anxiety

Word Count: 1174

Track #1: raindrops (an angel cried)

When raindrops fell

Down from the sky

The day you left me

An angel cried

 You would be lying if you said that you didn’t shed waterfalls when you and your boyfriend finally went through with the well-overdue breakup.

You and Kim Jongdae had been in a committed relationship with each other for the past two years, but that did not mean that everything was smooth-sailing. Over the course of the past few months, both of you had been fully indulged in endless arguments, petty squabbles over nothing and days of cold silences.

The love you felt for him in the beginning had completely shriveled and died like a neglected flower, and you knew that the end was inevitable.

But still, you held on tight for dear life. You clung to your dead relationship with all your might, gripping onto the edge of the cliff with the bare tips of your fingers.

Despite the crippling anxiety you’d been heartlessly put through due to the endless arguments, you kept watering your dead flower.

Until one day, Jongdae finally pulled the carpet from beneath your feet and sent you spiraling into a bottomless chasm of heartbreak and grief.

Without another word, he called for the inevitable breakup and left you in a lurch.

And you cried. You cried, and you cried.

 Track #2: better off

I’m better off without him

I’m better off being a wild one

On the road a lot, had to keep it a thousand

So that I’m better off not being around ya

 In the weeks to come, you started to experience the inescapable heartache that comes along with a breakup. It was mental torture, and it was not a fate you would wish upon anyone.

Some days, it was like catching a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. You started to feel a teensy bit better about yourself, feeling emotionally strong enough to coax yourself that you were better off without Jongdae.

But those days didn’t last very long. Most of the time, you holed yourself up in your room, allowing yourself to wallow in a truckload of self-pity.

Deep down, you were smart enough to know better. After the months of tireless squabbles with your ex-boyfriend, you knew that it was better off this way.

 Track #3: breathin

Time goes by and I can’t control my mind

Don’t know what else to try, but you tell me every time

Just keep breathin’

 The nights you spent crying into your pillow had done nothing but heightened your already-existing anxiety. It seemed like there was no way out of this never-ending pit of misery.

But thankfully, not all was bleak. Because there was Byun Baekhyun.

Byun Baekhyun, your best friend since childhood. The same boy who had been with you through all your ups and downs. The boy you subconsciously fell in love with at your most vulnerable state, and the same boy you grew to love for the years to come.

With him by your side, you felt like you could finally breathe. Having your best friend with you was like finally breaking over the surface of the water, of finally pulling yourself out of your own ocean of misery.

Because despite the heartache and the pain and the tears, Baekhyun held your hand through the storm. And he just told you to keep breathing.

 Track #4: the light is coming

The light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole

Healing from a painful breakup took time. It always does. For you, it took about half a year before you could finally breathe without feeling a stab in your heart, without dredging up the tainted memories of the long-gone Kim Jongdae.

After six arduous months, it feels like the light is coming to give back everything the darkness – the pain, the misery, the sobs into your pillow in the dead of the night – stole.

You had no idea how strong your heart could be. It was honestly amazing. And you wished you could have owed it all to yourself for healing so well, but you knew for a fact that you owed Baekhyun hell of a lot.

He was always there for you. The light in your darkness.

 Track #5: no tears left to cry

Ain’t got no tears in my body

I ran out, but boy, I like it, I like it, I like it

Don’t matter how, what, where, who tries it

We out here vibin’

There was nothing more positive than fully recovering from a breakup.

All the tears you cried have dried up. No more ugly sobs, no more tears in your body.

No more tears left to cry. Because you healed. Totally. Utterly. Fully. Wholly.

 Track #6: R.E.M

Last night, boy, I met you

When I was asleep

You’re such a dream to me

You knew that you were definitely falling for Baekhyun when you started dreaming about him on a regular basis.

They were sweet dreams, coming to you like angels sent from the above. Maybe that was probably why you slept all the time.

 Track #7: goodnight n go

One of these days

You’ll miss your train and come stay with me

We’ll have drinks and talk about things

And any excuse to stay awake with you

As the months went by, you grew closer to Baekhyun. Technically, both of you were already inseparable after years of friendship but this time, things were a tad bit different.

Things were always different when there were feelings involved.

You cherished your nights with him, just chatting and laughing about everything and nothing while sipping on glasses of cherry-red wine and curled up in each other’s arms. It was pure bliss, and you secretly started to wonder why you never ever saw Baekhyun more than a best friend back then.

Then again, perhaps it was all about timing. Maybe you were put through hell with Jongdae so you could appreciate heaven with Baekhyun. That was what you always told yourself, your silent reminder and comforting mantra.

While Jongdae told you goodbye, Baekhyun only told you goodnight. Because he wasn’t going anywhere, and you were eternally grateful for that.

 Track #8: sweetener

When life deals us cards

Make everything taste like it is salt

Then you come through like the sweetener you are

To bring the bitter taste to a halt

Life was definitely more than a little bitter when you were with Jongdae, especially with the petty squabbles and screaming and shouting and never-ending anxiety.

Your six-months period of healing was needed, and you emerged from the storm stronger than ever. You were grateful for your friends and family who stood by you during your tough times. You were grateful for the lessons Jongdae taught you.

But most importantly, you were endlessly grateful for Byun Baekhyun. He taught you that it’s possible for life to be a little easier, a little sweeter.  

And like the sweetener he was, he brought everything bitter to a halt.

[natural-0-games]

Let The Flames Begin: Tune Tuesday

Alright y’all might have seen that this account’s been starting up for the first time in a while. We’re actually going around and doing stuff, cool. There’s one simple reason for that, and this is me, Lexi, the one behind this whole thing talking: I’ve decided to cut out all the toxic people in my life and extend my vetting for letting new people in. (queue this music because I’m allowed to have musical overlays on my textposts it’s tuesday! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_ohWuaNPWo ) If you’ve been reading my other posts you can probably piece it all together, but in the last 6 months I found myself a decent friend group at college... at least I thought I did. See, originally it was just me and this real chill guy who I won’t say the name of because internet, so I’ll just call him E. E and I met up near the start of the school year because E was just such an approachable person that even I could overcome my big NPC energy to talk to him. We got to talking, and decided it would be cool to start up a club for RPGs at the school, so that players and gamemasters could draw from a pool of people to make sure everyone got the experience they wanted. Then came D (again, not their name because privacy, but also y’know, I can’t resist calling him a D because he’s a d i c k), he was originally pretty chill, but almost immediately he ripped the club idea from my hands and decided all on his own without any input from me or E or anyone else that the club was going to include all tabletop games. Alright not at all what the club was supposed to be about, but okay. So a month rolls by, and D has determined that the club is going to do RPGs at most once a month. You know, the thing we were designed around in the first place, not ‘each campaign once a month’ which I could vaguely see to prevent burnout but nah, nah he means ‘one official club campaign session spread across all campaigns per month’. What. The. Fuck. Then it’s October, and I’ve got this cool idea, reverse trick-or-treating, you know that thing where you go door to door and give people candy? It was gonna be nice, and cool, and I told the whole friend-group about it at the start of October. Other shit happened in October regarding people I look up to and the discontinuation of my absolute favorite show, so there’s that. But the important thing to this post happened on Halloween, that day when they all said they’d join me going around giving people candy, and we’d all have a good time. I’d arranged it for six... six rolls around, no one’s there. I check the group discord, and I’m like ‘hey, where is everybody?’ only response is from E, saying that most people are at dinner and we should probably reschedule to later. I reply that it’s understandable and rearrange for 8. I get a message from B (only time she’s mentioned) saying she’ll be able to show up for sure. No one showed up. Only one person at 10 who came to console me because I kinda exploded in the discord server because I’d been planning this all month and no one fucking showed up. Yeah I cried myself to sleep that night, don’t judge. So now it’s November, and I finally put into action a plan I’d wanted to work on since the start of college: A larp league at the school, only problem is I’m going to have to craft the system from nothing. Alright, I’ve got inspiration from said favorite show ever that was cancelled in october, I’m going to base it around that. I then tell everyone in the friend group and they encourage me, I tell them I’ll be running a christmas event after thanksgiving break, they say that’s awesome. That’s when I realized I’m going to need to make over 1200 abilities because each of the 40 classes needs 33 abilities. I asked them for any suggestions, got a grand total of 0. So I worked my ass off, far more than is healthy, and got... absolutely nowhere because there was no chance in the first place. Right before thanksgiving break I tell them ‘hey, there’s no chance of me finishing the whole system in time, we’ll use a simplified edition i’ll come up with now’ they gave approval. I made a whole mini-system on 3 hours of sleep. I went home for thanksgiving break and caused my whole family extra stress during their move by needing to make swords for this event. So the day of the event rolls around, I’ve got everything set up, I’m out of the field, waiting. The event starts at 11, and that’s when i get there. No one’s there. ‘That’s okay’ I figure, ‘they’re not exactly punctual, they’ll be here in 15-20 minutes’. They are not. At 11:30, E shows up, I ask him where the fuck everyone is. Turns out B is still asleep despite giving me confirmation she’d be here last night, D and the rest of the group are at breakfast and have no intention of showing up despite being 25 seconds away, and E doesn’t see anything wrong with this. I waited until noon, still no one, so I gave up and headed back to my dorm, I’d informed them on the discord that if no one showed up by noon I’d cancel. And I fucking seethed. These people didn’t give a single fuck about me, or my time, or my effort. And after a few hours of calming down, past the tears, past the attempts at breaking things, I got onto the discord server, and I told them, in no indirect terms, that repeatedly encouraging people to devote time and effort to projects for the group, to get them excited for their events, to say that you’ll be there, and then all ghost without a word was absolutely abusive and I didn’t want that in my life. Instead of even a single attempt at an apology, or even a bullshit excuse, they all started yelling at me and kicked me from the server, the club, and the friendgroup. So that’s where I am. I don’t give a single fuck about people who disrespect my time. I don’t give a single fuck about people who think that just because someone has bigger problems than me my problems don’t exist. I don’t give a single fuck about people who bail on plans without a warning or remorse. And I feel so free. So I’m turning all the effort on projects I was making for those toxic assholes inward, I’m making the shit I love, and if you don’t enjoy it, you don’t have to be around me or use my stuff. Sure the first few apprentice games and such will be free, and the proof-of-concept for anything will be free, but if I’ve put in serious effort? If i’ve put in 150 hours already (like on a certain larp system...) and it’s not even a tenth of the way done? You bet your left buttock that I’m not giving that away for free. If I’m going to make something I want to get something out of it. So there’s that. And just because I know I need help here, I do have some open positions: Sabrina needs a pilot, and that’s the fancy lore way of saying I desperately need an artist, because my art is shit and while I have no idea how to make UI-interactive games, I’m going to try my best to learn. Elluwen needs a pilot, and that’s still a fancy way of saying I need playtesters. I’ve been relying on my friend groups too much for this, posting a message about this new game I’ve got that’s nearly done, and waiting 2 weeks to get a single person to even try to play it. Meanwhile I’m playing it repeatedly to try to find bugs and their version is almost completely replaced. and several more... honestly to just put it clearly: I need reliable people in my life, and if that means setting up a patreon for people to see sneak peaks and be playtesters through, wonderful! If I can find an artist willing to be on call for my projects, and of course still pursue their own endeavors, I can’t afford a full-time artist, that’s amazing.

I know what you’re here for, at least on tuesday, you want the shitposts, I’ve still got those, but everything above is far more important.

This week’s themesong: Let The Flames Begin This week’s cryptic meme: Slowly ripping the limbs off an effigy This week’s mood: Focused Anger This week’s character: Lokeeda

[thesinglesurgeon]

The Interview Trail: First Bad Interview

It’s really early in the season, but I had two interviews this week (Tuesday and Wednesday!). I’ve been driving all over New England in my little Toyota rent-a-car having a fabulous time looking at mildly changing leaves, jamming out to 90s rock (listed as a hobby of mine on ERAS), and enjoying cute little towns I keep coming across. First observation: there are way too many Dunkin Donuts over here. Where’s the Starbucks at??

That’t totally irrelevant to this post, which is to discuss my first crappy interview day. It’s compounded by the fact that yesterday I had a fantastic interview where it felt like I found my soul-program. I left glowing, and it made getting changed in my car in broad daylight (and needed to quickly cover up with my coat when an old man pulled into the spot beside me) and driving 4 hours down traffic on I-95 not too miserable. Then I woke up and headed to Bad Interview Place.

We met in the lobby at 6:45. The hotel I stayed at was pretty crappy, but it was the only place less than $180 a night in the town (!!). They don’t have breakfast set up until 7, so I grabbed a bagel for my purse just in case I needed sustenance. Well thank goodness I did. No one gave us breakfast, coffee, or water until TEN am! I was thanking the Lord that I had a crumpled old water bottle in my bag from yesterday that I filled up in the bathroom sink a few times. The worst part was watching EVERYONE else eat around us: we came in for the 7am morning report, 7:30-8:30 M&M, and 8:30-9:30 grand rounds that ended up going until 9:45. Apparently breakfast was assembled at 7:30, long after we were settled into our seats in the very front row. After the PD came to welcome our hypoglycemic comatose crowd, he said there was coffee and food in the back we were welcome, too. So we ate at 10. My schedule had interviews blocked at 10:20, 1:00, 1:20, 2. Let’s just say, nothing went according to plan and I was there until 5. But we’ll get there later. 

Interviewer #1: really nice guy. But he told me that the new mandatory research requirement is something I should consider since I’m a woman and I don’t “have forever” to have kids. He kept emphasizing how “women friendly” the program was, was irritated me immensely. I don’t think there should be such a clarification since I want men and women to be treated equally, i.e., differences are not advertised and highlighted. But I think he meant well, it just came out wrong. He also asked me “tell me about yourself” and then asked me what questions I had for him, which are the two most annoying questions ever.

Then I waited in this basement conference room for about 3 more hours before they transferred me to the next windowless room. Apparently the main room recently flooded, so they were holding interviews in the sim lab. I was interviewed in “the control room” of the sim lab which was cluttered with TV screens and cameras for evaluations. Someone else had their interviews in a glass paneled room full of mannequins on tables, and we could all see them. It was weird.

Finally lunch was set out at and some of us traveled upstairs to meet with the Chair and the PD. But there were no chairs to sit in, and there were 6 of us. The administrator felt like we were crowding her by standing around in close quarters (in a 75 degree room, the heater was broken. Oh, and the window was boarded up for construction, so this makes hour 6 where I still haven’t seen outside). She asked half of us to “go back downstairs.” Which we did by way of a basement tunnel complete with uneven flooring and exposed pipes. Eventually I was summoned back upstairs and the interview with the “important people” went well. They are nice humans and asked easy conversational questions. 

But while I had been waiting for an eternity for my interviews, we got to mingle with some of the residents. Only about 3 or 4 came to talk with us, and they seemed very weird. The chief was a little scrawny guy that was on the typical chief power trip and was “jokingly” rude to the PGY4. Some highlights from our conversation with them:

PGY4 said he cried everyday during intern year because “thats what happens everywhere.”

Chief said he was terrified to come to work every morning and if he didn’t know the patient’s ins/outs, they gave him extra call shifts. 

When we asked about how the relationship was with other specialties, the chief said he needed to “educate” the medicine residents often since they often had dumb consults.

Zero residents own homes since they can’t afford real estate in the area

The interview with the PD was especially painful. He’s just socially awkward, had the limpest handshake I had ever experienced, and flipped through my residency like a deck of cards. He paused at my boards scores and said with genuine surprise “Wow! You scored well!” He was also shocked when I mentioned I had been a teacher and a Marine before med school. Clearly he did not read my application in advance. 

Between interviews in the upstairs windowless room, the administrator told us it was important to be “nice so your license isn’t taken away.” She recounted all her favorite interns that were really nice and then hesitated before telling us an attending recently made a “big mistake” but since “he’s nice he probably won’t get his license taken away.” Ummmm, what?

By the time I finished talking to the Chair, I was ready to go. The leadership means well, but it was very very clear that this was not the place for me. 

Now I’m drinking “Fall Sangria” at an adorable vegetarian restaurant on a riverfront feeling amazing. I love the fall and now I’m even more excited to escape the sweltering south and enjoy these beautiful towns with delicious foods and cute old houses <3

[dreamingbrownie]

Tagging games #6

I’ve been tagged by @fandom-glazed​ again, thank you! Tagging @bloodtroth​ if you haven’t already done this Music asks! FAVORITES 1. what are your favorite bands? Unheilig, Staubkind, Lord of the Lost, Within Temptation, Nightwish, Saltatio Mortis, Blutengel... A lot of german gothic-rock bands with scandinavian symphonic metal in the mix. 2. what are your favorite singers? Der Graf (the Count) of Unheilig, Floor Jansen of Nightwish, Louis of Staubkind, Sharon den Adel of Within Temptation, Scarlet Dorn... You see the pattern. xD 3. what are your favorite albums? Imaginaerum by Nightwish. Always, always, always. The old Unheilig albums Moderne Zeiten and Puppenspiel, Alles was ich bin by Staubkind, Resist by Within Temptation which just came out, but also The Unforgiving from a decade or so ago. Within Temptation were my entire early youth. 4. what are your favorite songs? That’s a mean question, it depends on the type of day and what I’m shipping the most at the moment. I adore The enemy by Oh Fyo, Cinderella by Scarlet Dorn has a special place in my heart, Große Freiheit by Unheilig will make me cry forever and always. 5. what do you think the best popular song of the year is so far? I’ve absolutely no idea of chart music. Pop music isn’t my tea. 6. which genres of music do you tend to like the best? Symphonic metal, gothic rock, hard rock, industrial, alternative in general... Heavy ballads can be really cool too. 7. what is the best concert you’ve ever been to? Staubkind, Cologne, 9.9.2016, Warm-Up for the big farewell concert of Unheilig the next day. Man, I was so done afterwards. Beautiful, wonderful, cried my eyes out, spoke with some of the bandmembers to thank them for everything, got to know people, stayed a friend’s of mine... I’ll never forget those days in September 2016. 8. song of the year? Morningstar by Blutengel. 9. album of the year? Un:Gott by Blutengel. xD 10. what are the best songs your parents have gotten you into? Alice Cooper’s Poison, Nothing else matters by Metallica... 80s rock. 11. how did you first find out about your favorite band/singer? Unheilig got huge in Germany in 2012, just through the radio I think. I found Lord of the Lost through their (then) label which had been the same as Staubkind still have, Within Temptation I discovered through Rhia Eisblume when I was 13 (deep, deep gothic sub-culture)...   12. when/where do you first remember having heard your favorite song? No idea anymore, honestly. I don’t have A Favourite Song, there’s just too uch wonderful music out there. 13. about how many times have you listened to your favorite song? Again, no single favourite, but as music is my life and I seldom stop listening to it, I’ve stopped counting. 14. if someone asks you what music they should check out, what are your go-to recommendations? Lord of the Lost, Nightwish, all of Tuomas Holopainen’s and Chris Harms’ side projects, Scarlet Dorn, Black Briar, 30 seconds to mars, Falloutboy, Panic at the disco... The list is kind of endless.

NOSTALGIA 15. what songs give you the most nostalgia? Nearly everything from Eisblume, Mother Earth, the solemn hour, Stand my ground, Pale, Angels and Memories from Within Temptation, Perfect Girl by Kim Wilde... 16. what kinds of music were you raised on? 80s rock on my fathers side, classical music on my mother’s, Mozart mostly. 17. what are your favorite songs that have ever been popular? Honestly, everything old from Nena, tbh, Hurricane by 30 seconds to mars 18. who were your favorite musicians as a kid? Rhia Eisblume, Sharon den Adel from Within Temptation, Nena. 19. how did you feel about music as a kid? I liked it, I guess, and listened to it a lot, especially as I grew up with classical music, but the emotional connections came in my early teens. 20. what was your first concert? If you haven’t been to one, what do you want your first concert to be? Schloss Salem (southern Germany), Unheilig, 24.7.2013.

PERFORMANCE 21. how do live performances, whether they’re from your friends or professionals, tend to make you feel? Like heaven on earth, another place entirely, something more, something greater than myself. Concerts have kept me up for the past six years emotionally and made me feel alive again during my depression. They’re endlessly important to me. Not many a year, but three or four over the course of a year. 22. singing in the shower or singing in the car? Neither 23. if you were to become a musician, what kind of musician would you be? Piano player. 24. if you could pick one instrument to learn how to play, what would it be? As I had to stop playing the piano at age 14 because I was supposed to do more for school, that. I miss it so much. 25. what is your singing voice like? what singers do you remind yourself of? I’m tld that I’ve got a good singing voice and I do love it, I’ve been in choir for five years and played on stage in two musicals during that time. 26. have you ever been involved in any music programs? which ones and for how long? The two aforementioned musicals Stagefever and Alice in Wonderland, choir, a singing contest in early grammar school. 27. which instruments do you know how to play? what’s your skill level? Uuuuh basically none 28. if you took music lessons as a kid, are you glad you did? if not, do you wish you had? Yes, Im glad I took piano lessons and I would have been much more stable mentally if that wouldnt have been taken from me as a ventile from school hell.

SOUNDTRACKS 29. How do you feel about video game soundtracks? Love them. They’re absolutely amazing these days. 30. What soundtracks do you enjoy listening to the most? Pirates of the Caribbean, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts, The Hobbit... 31. Which soundtracks do you think are objectively the best (or what are some that you think deserve appreciation)? Everything from Hans Zimmer, honestly. And the Game of Thrones score is simply amazing too. 32. How do you feel about musicals? Awesome! I’ve seen Tarzan, Aladdin, The Lion King and Kalif Stork (a turkish fairy tale) and loved all of them. 33. Do you have any favorite composers, including classical ones? Mozart, Tchaikovsky, Vivaldi, Wagner (don’t come at me, he’s heavy but sometimes I need Tristan and Isolde), Hans Zimmer, Ramin Djawadi. 34. Are there any soundtracks or kinds of soundtracks that you just can’t stand? Can’t think of any right now. I don’t like dubstep and rap, other than that, orchestra music is just amazing. 35. What are your favorite songs/soundtracks from movies? See 30.

LYRICS 36. what are some songs whose lyrics you relate to? Basically everything Staubkind ever did. 37. pick a song and analyse its lyrics. Star Sky by Two steps from hell. Here we are riding the sky Painting the night with sun. You and I mirrors of light twin flames of fire lit in aother time and space I knew your name I knew your face your love and grace Past and present now embrace Worlds collide in inner space Unstoppable the song we play Burn the page for me I cannot erase the time of sleep I cannot be loved so set me free I cannot deliver your love Or caress your soul so turn that page for me I cannot embrace the touch that you give I cannot find solice in your words I cannot deliver you your love or caress your soul Age to age I feel the call Memory of future dreams You and I, riding the sky Keeping the fire bright From another time and placeI know your name I know your face Your touch and grace All of time can not erase What our hearts remember stays Forever on a song we play Burn the page for me I cannot erase the time of sleep I cannot be loved so set me free I cannot deliver your love Or caress your soul so turn that page for me I cannot embrace the touch that you give I cannot find solice in your words I cannot deliver you your love or caress your soul. Okay, one word: GRINDELDORE! There’s a shipping video with young Albus and Gellert to that song too, absolutely brilliant. 38. which songs do you think have the best lyrics? The ones written from the heart, personal stories from the person writing the song, probably (please) the singer. 39. what are some songs whose lyrics you think most people just don’t get? The old Unhelig songs. The lyrics are very complicated and full of metaphors. 40. are there any musicians whose lyrics you particularly tend to like? Alligatoah, a german rap-singer.I adore his lyrics (critical of society in general) but the music isn’t my tea at all. 41. do you prefer songs that have good melodies or songs that have good lyrics? I need to love the music in order to like the song at all, nice lyrics just top it off.

CHALLENGES 42. name five songs you like that were released in the 90s. I’ve no idea of 90s music. 80s a bit, but 90s... uuuh nope. 43. name five songs you like that were released at least 50 years ago. Classical stuff, then. Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake, Nutcracker, Mozart’s Kleine Nachtmusik, Vivaldi’s spring, Wagner’s Tristan and Isolde, Händel’s Sarabande. 44. write a parody of at least a verse of any song you’d like. 45. name 5 songs you can’t stand. Despacito, The Lemon Tree, Blurred Lines, literally any rap song ever, Bach’s Passion of John. 46. look at your country’s song charts, listen to the first unfamiliar song you can find, and share your opinion on it. Uuuuh nope, nope, nope, nopedinope, go away, nope and nope again. Literally the only name I know is Ariana Grande and I don’t care about her, the rest is totally unfamiliar to me aaand not my tea at all. Sorry guys, if you like pop music, go for it all the way, it’s just not for me. 47. turn a song lyric into a pickup line. Come with me, I’ll come with you, La Bomba Come for me, I’ll come for you, La Bomba... #LotL 48. name the last 5 songs you listened to. Star Sky by Two teps from hell, We were divine by Lord of the Lost, I love the way you say my name, I’m Armageddon and Cinderella by Scarlet Dorn, La Bomba by Lord of the Lost right now.

RANDOM 49. what are your favorite album covers? Thornstar by Lord of the Lost is just wow, Chris Harms and his wife drew that and Un:Gott by Blutengel looks slightly similiar, I like both a lot. 50. any cover versions that you think are better than the original? Literally anything by Sam Tsui. 51. how often do you listen to music? Always. Except for university and sleeping and going out with friends, of course. 52. do you collect vinyls? if so, what have been your best finds? Nope. 53. if you could meet any musician you’d like, who would it be? Der Graf from Unheilig, he has retired two year ago and stopped doing autograph sessions in 2010 because he always served all his fans or none as he didn’t want to prioritise people. I respect him so incredibly much and I’d love to talk to him. 54. how do you feel about classical music? Love it, makes me nostalgic and calms me down, I study to classical music. 55. would you ever want to have a career in music? Nope. 56. if you had a stage name, what would it be? Uuuuh Alexandra something? No idea. 57. on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is music to you? 11? 58. how do you feel about rap music? Nopedinopenope 59. what do you think the best “era” for music was? The 80s must have been pretty rad, but nowadays, there’s also the possibility for everyone to find something they love. 60. how has music affected you as a person? It has changed my life forever, holds me up in difficult times, soothes my nerves, makes me breathe when nothing else is helping anymore. And I’ve got to know so many people through bands who are now dear friends of mine, I’d never in a lifetime miss that.  

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @interestedbystanderwrites​ for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Cass, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

Ha! I was a teenager and it was Backstreet Boys – and smut didn’t exist the same way it does now but that’s another opinion for another day. What I wrote then was cutesy and romantic, probably because that was what I was daydreaming about, I guess. Just a reminder that my blog is NSFW if you’re under 18.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I think I can get more depth from an OC but you also risk the Mary-Sue and you may pigeonhole your OC in race, sexuality etc. That can really open a can of worms with the reader, which is wholly understandable. Reader inserts are great in the way you can make it 100% person to the reader. They should imagine themselves (if that’s their choice) and not feel that the writer has alienated them in any way somehow but it is still difficult to please everybody.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

I like fluff – I like things that make you smile at the end, give the reader a little cuddle to maybe brighten their day.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

One that never made my masterlist – a Spider-Man super angst titled “How Long Do You Want to be Loved?”. I thought it as okay, pretty good even – but I guess people just want Bucky or Sebastian smut haha I hear you all!

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Morning when the little guy is napping ☺ Evening is hard because it’s when I play adulting catch up… or try not to fall asleep on the couch.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

I have a very overactive imagination, always have. And for most of my fics, I guess it’s pretty obviously the beautiful aesthetics of Sebastian Stan and to a lesser extent, Bucky Barnes.

7) In your Time Only Flies When You’re Around Series, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Chapters 27 and 28 of TOFWYA – more so 28 as you get a pretty interesting insight into Sasha’s and Sebastian’s ways of coping when they’re out of sync. Long story short, they’re a mess.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Luckily – none! The joys of a smolblog maybe?

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

I love writing for Buckster – he’s a complex devil and has a lot of layers to work with and a body to die for. Thumbs up for the material, Sebastian.

10) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

As per mentioned before – Peter Parker. That fic scarred me.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Time Only Flies When You’re Around Series?

It’s actually a song lyric as are the first few chapter titles: Belinda Carlisle – Valentine

I made a rule about you, I made a plan // For getting my feet back on the ground // Bury my face in clouds, for hours on end // But time only flies when you're around

12) How did you come up with the idea for the Time Only Flies When You’re Around Series?

I was just writing some stuff, pissfarting around and all of a sudden I’d written something similar to what Chapter 22 ended up being and that’s how it all began. 150k words of nonsense really.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Many – but there is a long Bucky multichap fic that deserves more of my attention. As his story has evolves via MCU, the story has changed a little.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I write one shots to TOFWYA, I don’t think I could write the sequel to it though. I’ve considered a full fic for Take Me to the Water but I doubt I will for an AU. Any sequels will be little one shots so at this stage, there is nothing planned.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

I ended Next Year very kitsch – I regret the last sentence as it currently is: You gave him a small smile, overwhelmed by his words. “I love you too, Bucky Barnes.” Blurgh.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

How much time do you have for me to talk about @whostheblondegirlwriting​? Truly. My fandom soul mate. We are separated by far too many kilometres and time zones, but between her job and me mummying, we’re chatting at all hours of the day. She is a true gem and I adore her.

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Luckily, it’s not available on A03 or Tumblr, but it’s still online elsewhere because I thought about it a few weeks ago – it was a Lords of Dogtown fic… and it was not good. Saying that, anything before that I would cringe at anything I’d written anyway ha!

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Definitely music or the sound of the baby monitor that I find quite soothing.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Argh. “How Long Do You Want to be Loved” messed me up. Too many parental feels.

20) Which part of your Time Only Flies When You’re Around Series was the hardest to write?

The proposal. I went over it a thousand times. I thought, should it be romantic, should it be grand, should it be this or that? How it happened, just a couple in love, in the city they love, being themselves just seemed to fit when it finally came together.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I occasionally outline – but mostly I just write, write, write and then start toying with it afterwards. I’m constantly chopping and changing, but I’m not pedantic about planning. It isn’t that kind of fic. Other multichaps I put a bit more planning and emphasis on.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

You’re only as good as your last fic and its reblogs. If you’re going to get hung up on likes/reblogs/comments, you’ll never publish something again. But it can be bloody disheartening at times.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Time Only Flies When You’re Around? Haha busted my ass on that beast for over a year. It has the hits but likes and comments are encouraging when received. When. I always considered publishing it on Tumblr, but I don’t know. It’s freely available on A03.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Smut talks – I think Heatstroke is a little silly. But it gets hits.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Nope – any characters, inc OC’s are all fictional. I don’t know if I could handle people in my real life if they were like my OC’s!

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Any body that takes the time to leave a ‘yes!’, ‘omg’ to paragraphs of reiterating your story back to you – it’s amazing! Taking the time to leave a writer a comment makes our day.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

It still makes me laugh when I read it, not quite verbatim but it was along the lines of ‘I loved this fic but it’s gone a total 180. I’ll see how you continue but you know, I’m probably out of here’. While I know you can’t please anyone, it’s a strange comment. I’m old enough to appreciate constructive criticism. This was neither here nor there, but still hilarious!

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Back to my love, @whostheblondegirlwriting, we’re constantly taunting the other or beta’ing each others stuff when we have time to help the other (let alone write our own stuff!).

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

In real life? No. On this hellsite? I have made some amazing writing friends!

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

Ollie in TOFWYA – she’s a completely stereotypical New Yorker, brash, in your face and on the other hand, Sasha’s best friend in the world and they’d do anything for each other. If you knew Ollie in real life, you’d absolutely hate her.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

People simply enjoying your work and letting you know is the most amazing aphrodisiac. I’ll never stop writing – whether it’s for myself or for other people to enjoy. Don’t ever be scared to let a writer know if you’ve enjoyed their work or if you haven’t, a writer should be able to accept your constructive criticism and will probably appreciate your feedback if you take the time to provide it respectfully! If you’re going to go on anon and talk shit, just don’t bother. It’s boring, childish and completely unoriginal. Shows true testament to your personality offline.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

Friends to Lovers. THEY WERE FRIENDS AND NOW THEY ARE… LOVERS!

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Not a clue – but will assume it’s Backstreet Boys-related!

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Smut will get you the hits but fluff is forever.

[orionsangel86]

A retrospective look at the Season 12 wishlist.

Back shortly after the season 11 finale I wrote out a wishlist of all the things I wanted for Season 12. Looking back at that list (here) It’s funny to see what I wanted with hindsight now that season 12 is over and season 13 is only a week away. I thought I would revisit my season 12 wishlist to recap the season and where I went wrong (and right!) before I post a wishlist for season 13.

Wish 1. Castiel gets his emotional arc resolved - This is a big one. As a Cas girl I was left unsatisfied with Castiel’s arc this season, HOWEVER, we KNOW from previous Dabb episodes that he loves to explore Castiel’s emotional story and I have no doubt that this will continue into season 12. Our angel still has a story ahead of him (hopefully ending in the love of a certain green eyed hunter.)

In Hindsight: Ah yes, my big number one on the wishlist was all about Cas getting his emotional arc resolved. Did he get this? Well, kind of. I don’t think any of us could have predicted that Dabb would give us THREE Castiel heavy episodes exploring his emotional past, present and future in ways which blew our collective meta brains out. Cas got lots of love this season and its why season 12 is now one of my all time faves. Where we are now is unknown in some ways for Cas but in other ways his past is clear. He has finally reached the transformation part of his character journey, and season 13 will bring us a Cas rising from the ashes like a beautiful phoenix shrouded in flames.

Wish 2. SUPERBRITISH - I am not going to stop going on about this. This is my land, My green and (fairly) pleasant land. The British are coming to Supernatural and I cannot stop being excited about it. Can I please have ALL the TFW in London head canons please? From traffic jams and silly accents to discovering the glory that is a bacon roll from Gregs on a Sunday morning whilst suffering a horrendous hangover.

In Hindsight: LOL. Yeah right. Am I disappointed? Totally. The British Men of Letters were for me, totally underwhelming. There was no trip to England, there was no grumpy Dean stuck on the M25. At the end of the day they served their purpose. They brought home the fact that hunting is not black and white. That sometimes it is humans who are the most monstrous. Honestly right now I just hope we don’t revisit it. I think its best that this story line gets dropped from now on. *sigh*

Wish 3. Awesome female characters continuing to kick ass - I adored the use of female characters in the finale. They all lived, no one female was a sexy lamp (sadly that role was given to Castiel) and no one got forced into unnecessary make out sessions. The women are smart, sarcastic badass queens who will RULE this show come October, and I for one, cannot wait. 

In Hindsight: Can I hear a cheer for the WAYWARD SISTERS! Hell’s YES! I mean, they have granted us what we wanted with the Wayward Sisters in season 13, but did we actually get this in season 12? Well, Lady Toni turned out to be a psycho, who died. Her British badass knuckle duster lady also died. Alicia and Tasha both died, so did Rowena and Eileen. It actually wasn’t a GREAT season for the girls. This is what happens when you give Bucklemming too much control over the main plot I suppose. *sigh*. So whilst the Wayward Sisters announcement definitely counts as a win, overall I can’t say this wish has been ticked off. 

Wish 4. Men of Letters vs Grand Coven - Yes this is a big one and I am hoping is the main story arc going forward into season 12. I want to see more of the Grand Coven of witches and their European battle with the Men of Letters. I am expecting more awesome women kicking ass thanks to this potential storyline.

In Hindsight: LOL. Again. Wasted. Potential. *sigh*

Wish 5. Mother Mary and family time - Mary’s reveal was pretty amazing especially since I think we were all expecting it to just be her ghost or a vision or something, but nope, Mummy Winchester is back on the scene and I can’t even begin to imagine what they are planning to do with this. All I am hoping for is that Mary’s influence will help Dean to accept certain parts of him that he loves to keep repressed (effeminophobia and his bisexuality being the big ones). Mary coming back will hopefully start to truly break down and destroy John Winchester’s toxic influence over his sons. I also really really want her to meet Cas and say the words “Thank you for watching over my son.” YES.

In Hindsight: Ok so this one I think gets ticked off. Mary’s purpose was to get Dean to let go of some of his major hang ups, to finally get some really heavy stuff off his chest, and to break down John Winchesters toxic influence. Also for Dean to finally take his mother off that pedestal he’s been keeping her on his whole life. I think the show, and 12x22 particularly, did an excellent job with this. We didn’t quite get a bisexual reveal, but the subtext was thick and heavy (12x11 was glorious). Mary also mirrored Cas continually throughout the season as two people both looking for their place in this little family dynamic and having Mary accept Cas as “one of my boys” really was the icing on the cake for any Cas fans out there happily sipping on hater tears.

Wish 6. Sam gets some distance from Dean, some other friends, maybe a girl, and definitely a dog - I think it is safe to say that Sam isn’t dead. Probably just shot in the arm or leg or something. I want him to be taken to England by Lady T and face the Men of Letters. I hope that they will warm to Sam (and his wonderful moose charms) and that Sam will get to bond with his British companions away from Dean (because Dean always steals the side characters away and bonds with them more than Sam ever does - except for Eileen). Maybe there could even be love in the future for Sam - either by bringing back Eileen or developing a decent and believable relationship between Sam and Lady T (I don’t want her forced into the love interest role, I think she is far too good for that already, but if she becomes a regular throughout the season like Rowena is then potentially a relationship could blossom slowly between them. It could work. I have been hoping for love for Sam for some time now and I can see the potential in this).

In Hindsight: Urgh so this is a yes and a massive NOPE at the same time. Bucklemming managed to ruin Lady Toni in the second episode of the season and then killed off Eileen in 12x21 (seriously fuck those assholes). I guess even the THOUGHT of shipping Sam with someone now gets a girl killed in this show even if she doesn’t go near his killer dick. Poor Sam. On a more positive note he DID get some distance from Dean in 12x22 and symbolically the toxic co-dependency has been broken. So that is one major point to mark off. (I didn’t actually even wish for that as I doubted it would happen myself!) Shame about him still not getting a dog though. WHY CAN’T YOU GIVE SAM A DOG DAMMIT! Sam has definitely moved forward in season 12 to a healthier place, though I think he still has far to go compared to Dean. Hopefully we will see him reach his full potential in season 13.

Wish 7. Lady T is a well developed, fully rounded, likeable character and not a sexy lamp or boring love interest - I already love her. I want to know more about her, her motivations, her back story, how she became a woman of letters, I want her to be a worthy adversary to the Winchesters before becoming a trustworthy ally. I want her to continue to take none of their shit, to put them in their place and therefore earn their respect. I also really want to see her face of with Rowena. That would be awesome. England vs Scotland right there! Potentially I would accept her becoming a love interest to Sam only if it was done right. If it was done in the subtext throughout the season and is only a very very tiny part of the storyline. It would have to be major slow burn. No forced kisses like in CACW (did you guys see that? what the fuck was that?). Only then, would I accept any sort of romantic sub-plot between characters.

In Hindsight: *ugly cries into pillow over how off the mark this was*

Fuck you Bucklemming.

Wish 8. More screen time for Dean and Cas = DESTIEL - Well obviously. It wouldn’t be a proper supernatural wishlist if it didn’t have Destiel written in big letters somewhere now would it? After all the build up in Season 11 in the subtext I am still convinced that this is going somewhere. The season finale has NOT destroyed my positivity at all. In fact it has only added to it. (come ask me about it if you want more info). At the end of the day, Dean and Cas are going to have to save Sam. This means spending time together trying to FIND Sam in a completely unknown city (hence my excitement over them renting a car and getting stuck on the M25 before ending up lost in somewhere like Surrey… Oh the fanfiction potential! I can practically taste it! I have faith in Dabb to bring us more destiel moments. he has always been good to us.

In Hindsight: *stops crying*

*jumps around in glee*

*remembers the end of 12x23*

*cries again*

Do I even need to talk about it? Every good wishlist should include destiel, but I NEVER would have predicted what they gave us. I NEVER would have seen it coming…

Mixtaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee

But seriously though? With the pining over each other in 12x09, the angel/human love stories and human weakness of 12x10, the LOVE CONFESSION of 12x12 and the MIXTAPE (among other amazing moments) in 12x19 where do I even START with season 12 destiel?!? The fact that they have ended it like they have KNOWING Cas is coming back… I mean… it is BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DREAMED UP. There is a reason we call it season fanfic 12. Holy crap it was glorious. I’m marking this a big YES for the wishlist.

Wish 9. Following on from the above… HUNTER CAS - Dabb brought us the wonderful episode Hunteri Heroci which had Cas try out his hunting skills (and save the day I might add). We know Dabb loves Cas. I have every reason to believe that Cas will get more time as a Hunter. I want him in MOTW episodes. He will be soooo good in MOTW episodes please please PLEASE let this happen! (especially if the MOTW episodes are set in BRITAIN because the boys are still out there dealing with the MOL and the Grand Coven…. I see them dealing with ghosts that are 1000 years old and haunting freaking castles… it will be glorious.)

In Hindsight: Does “Agent Beyonce” count as Hunter Cas? Because I want to count it. It may not have been on the level of Hunteri Heroici, but I loved his grumpy married couple bickering with Dean at the start of the season, the lumberjack comment? That was genius. Give us more stuff like that SPN PLEASE.

Wish 10. More funny episodes - More witches doing ridiculous things to the boys. Give me ACTUAL MOOSE SAM WINCHESTER PLEASE! Give me the kind of silly witch stories we have been reading about in fanfics for far too long… come on show, its season 12! What have you got to loose?

In Hindsight: Well, 12x11 was witches and was pretty funny whilst being equally heart breaking. Plus it gave us the wonderful end scene of Dean riding Larry to his hearts content. None of us are gonna forget that in a hurry. I think it counts. Even though I am still royally pissed off that they killed Rowena. *sigh*

We do have a Scooby Doo animated episode in season 13 though which again I never ever would have considered possible but heyho, they love to surprise us.

Wish 11. Beach Episode - This is purely for @elizabethrobertajones. Maybe once they are done in Britain, they’ll head off to the med for a true European beach experience… They’ll be fine as long as they have Cas with them. He speaks all the languages. He can order the cocktails and ice creams. ;-)

In Hindsight: I TAKE IT BACK. NO BEACH EPISODES EVER AGAIN. Sometimes I swear Dabb lurks on Lizzy’s blog to read the kind of stuff we are dreaming up just so he can grant our wishes in the MOST PAINFUL WAY EVER. Cas DIED on a beach. All Dean wanted was to visit a beach once in his life, but they KILLED CAS on a BEACH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US DABB? WHY?

*continues sobbing into pillow*

Stay tuned for my Season 13 Wishlist... Once I stop crying...

[swiftsuburbanlegends]

Kayla’s Top Ten Reads of 2017

I read a total of 36 books this year. Which was a goal I set out to achieve and I did. I’m elated that I managed to get through this year with so many awesome reads, a few of which I’ll share with you now. This will also be a long post so I’m putting it under the cut.

Number 10: We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

This book was amazing, it had so may twists and shifts in the storyline, but not in the ‘i don’t get what’s happening’ vibe. The only thing is I literally cannot say a single thing about this book without spoiling something about it. What I can manage to say is this. Our narrator Cadence suffers migraines. She does not suffer fools. (I stole that from the book).

Number 9: The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon

What an amazing story about chance and fate. I loved this book so much. Another one I can’t go too much into without possibly spoiling things. Except Natasha is about 12 hours from being deported back to Jamaica and Daniel has a potential future riding interview to get to. Both want completely different things from the day, and it’s interesting to see what wins out.

Number 8:  The You I’ve Never Known by Ellen Hopkins

Gonna come right out and say I literally can’t stress this enough. Do not read the synopsis for this book. It spoils a major plot point, and I think it’s best going into the story without knowing it. That being said I love Ellen Hopkins and I LOVED this book. It’s probably one of my favorites of hers of all time. 

Number 7: Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst

Let me start by saying how much I am not actually talking about any other these books. But basically with this one you’ve got Princess Denna who has some forbidden fire magic, especially in the kingdom of her betrothed prince. Then things get even more fun for Denna when she meets the kingdom’s princess, Mare, and totally falls for her. Yes two beautiful princesses falling in love. That and magic is what sold me on this book. And it should sell you too.

Number 6:  We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

Except I was not okay after reading this book. Not okay at all. In fact I pretty much cried through a good 2/3 of this entire book and I read it in a day. “You go through life thinking there’s so much you need… Until you leave with only your phone, your wallet, and a picture of your mother.” This drew me in, it pulled and tugged until I was wrapped up in Marin’s world and watching how everything spun out. It’s such a good read and I highly recommend it.

Number 5: Eliza and Her Monsters by  Francesca Zappia

I literally don’t think I’ve ever read something that encapsulates fandom and anxiety in such a powerful way. This book was beautifully executed and I cannot begin to describe how great it is. 

Number 4: The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue

Do you like adventure novels? Do you like Grand Tours of England? Do you like bisexual main characters and the idiotic things they do for love? Please read this book. 

Number 3: Six of Crow Duology

Am I cheating putting these two together at number 3? I mean I don’t feel like I am considering it’s the same characters in the same story. What can I say about Six of Crows without spoiling everything? This is a heist novel. Our ragtag band of crooks and misfits must work together in order to achieve riches beyond their wildest dreams and the impossible of impossible endeavors. Trust me you want to join Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Nina, Mattias, and Wylan. You do, you just might not know it yet. 

Number 2: This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab 

Words cannot describe how pissed at myself I am that I still have yet to finish this duology. Because yes there’s one more book to go, and here I am at the cusp of 2018′s rise and have yet to find out what happens with Kate and August. Am I a masochist? Am I broke? Am I too afraid to see how it comes to an end? All of the above? Okay but for real I listened to the audio book for this one, and let me tell you. DAMN. It delivers. There’s a reason this one is sitting at number 2 on this list when I have yet to complete the series. And that’s because of the way the final chapter ended. I can still hear the words echoed through my mind. 

This book has monsters, both human and not, and it has heart. Please read these books. But if you read Our Dark Duet before me and then spoil it I will kick you so flipping hard. 

And out number one book of the year goes too…..

Wayfarer by Alexandra Bracken

Okay a stunning conclusion to the best book I read in 2016, Wayfarer has all the angst and pull of Passenger with even more of the gut wrenching. I can’t say anything else this book is a sequel. I can say if you haven’t read Passenger you should. There’s time travel, pirates, treasure hunting, and enough family drama to last you a millennium.

So there is is my top 10 reads of 2017. If you’ve read any of these books and want to completely freak out about them with me, please my box is ALWAYS open.   

[toasttdaddy]

100 Questions No One Asks Tag? I Guess?

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

To be honest I don’t really care if its open or not. 

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

Yes! 

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

I sleep with blankets scattered on my body, none of them organized whatsoever.

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

Nope.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

Eh, I’m not sure. I like them, but I prefer my arms to write on. I cant forget my arms somewhere, but I can forget a sticky note.

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

Nope.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

A swarm of bees, because bears are afraid of large objects, and run when encountering something large. Im literally a fucking gnome so. 

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

A few.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

Very rarely. 

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

When people chew loudly. Makes me wanna choke them.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

Yes. By 8′s. I think its a dancer thing.

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

Nope das gross.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

Nahhhh.

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

25/8

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

I used to a little bit.

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

Zero. I’m only 15. I’m not about that life.

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

I think its a queen or a double? I should know this.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

Would - Alice in Chains

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Hell yeah! 

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

Nope. I never did. I had no childhood.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

Probably the Percy Jackson movies. They’re not accurate to the book at all.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

I would bury the treasure in a giant pile of legwarmers.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

Either milk or water.

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

Sriracha or ketchup.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Black beans and rice.

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

Harry Potter

27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

HAH. No one. 

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

Nope.

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

Depends on if people will see my face, and how much photoshop is being used. I hate myself lol.

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

Probably uh... Shit I don’t think I’ve ever done that.

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

Nope.

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

Can’t drive.

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

If I can’t drive, I can’t run out of gas.

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

Peanut butter and banana.

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

Cereal. Of any kind. I actually love Raisin Bran. Don’t shoot me for saying that please.

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

Sometime between 10 and 11.

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Hmm. I dunno. The other day I laid on the floor for an hour. So Yeah. Very,

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

I still am a kid. Lets see, I was: A bat princess, a troll, a vampire, a fallen angel, princess belle, a monster high doll, a leopard, a skeleton, and an ewok. Probably more but I can’t remember.

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

I think this means this thing? I’m a Leo.

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

A grand total of 1.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

Nope.

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

Lincoln Logs

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

Not really. I just kinda go with what happens because I have too much anxiety to force my opinions.

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?

Whomst?

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

Nope.

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

Nope.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

Yeah boi.

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Definitely.

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

Ye.

50. EVER USED A GUN?

No.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

School pictures.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?

Usually.

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

Nope.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

Yep.

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

Apple pie my dooods.

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Veterinarian, Teacher, Archaeologist, and a Scientist.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

Yep.

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

Yeah its spooky.

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

I used to but I gave up.

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

No

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?

No

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Sweatpants and a tank top with a sweatshirt if I’m cold. If I’m not, just underwear.

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

Still haven’t gotten to one yet.

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?

Target.

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

Nike.

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

Cheetos bitch. Fritos only work when youre eating chili with them.

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

Peanuts

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?

Nope

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

For the past 12 years.

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

Not really tbh.

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

Ye

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

Nope. Almost got into the finals of one but I fucked up spelling foreign.

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

Yes.

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

Nah.

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

Noperoni.

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?

Nope.

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Yep. Right now. Its amazing. 

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

Alice in Chains or Shinedown.

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

The school chorus in 8th grade.

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

Cold tea.

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

Coffee

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

Sugar Cookies

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

Kind of?

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

Yeah, unless im doing a flip or jumping into a pool.

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

Mildly.

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

Uhhhhh I guess a band, but thats most likely expensive af.

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

Yeah. It was limbo. 

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

Nope.

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

I fucking hate olives.

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

I can finger knit small tubes... That’s all.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

Living room or bedroom. 

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Yeah boi.

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

Nah.

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

@spacekidkade

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

Nope.

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope.

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

Tbh I’d rather have dogs. 

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Deep purple.

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I dont think so no. If so i’ve repressed it.

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? 

@spacekidkade because why the FUCK not?