#i couldn't wait for some development of their dynamic i care for them very much

[seance]

ISRAEL HANDS and STEDE BONNET in OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH S02E05

[inchidentally]

Something that i really noticed with that last video mclaren posted, the way oscar talks when he’s around lando vs how he talks when he’s alone. Like that aussie vs british words video which was probably filmed not that long ago from now, oscar is completely showing his sass and not holding back at all with his thoughts, doesn’t even care what the interviewer finds weird (obviously still in a respectful way, bc he was raised right) But when he’s with lando it’s like he reigns himself back because he wants to relish in lando’s sass instead, he wants to hear his thoughts and he’s genuinely interested in him and what he’s saying. Everyone keeps saying we miss prema Oscar, but prema oscar never left, based on that video he’s obviously still like that. it’s not even that he wasn’t comfortable enough as a rookie or not well settled in yet to show his character in his first year or that he was only following lando’s lead(which he was to some extent) but it’s been an entire season and he STILL waits for lando to speak first and waits for him to finish his sentences with exceptionally long pauses. He just loves hearing him. And even with lando’s tendency to ramble sometimes and oscar wioild still listen to a meaningless ramble from him bc he adores him. Sigh

They’re made for each other(I’m delusional)

OKAY BUT I hear you so much anon and I just want to lead into smth that has been cooking around for me about this since I fully agree w you, the Oscar we see with Lando is curiously different and quieter than Oscar with anyone else.

and I think this comment on the latest video hit the nail on the head?? in a way the person prob didn't think was that deep ??

bc of speaking the same language to the point of semi-mind reading but now ugh you've got to bring Other People along on your conversations and translate everything..........

so like y'know how Lando and Max F always look a little like they're going to burst out laughing when they have to put on their on-camera personalities in a Quadrant video? when you're around a close friend where you both normally speak in like half sentences bc you don't need to fill in the rest, it gets weird when you have to translate all of that out loud for the benefit of other people watching?

seeing Lando and Oscar's relationship develop over the season and now into the new one with this interview, I'm actually starting to think that's way more the case w them as well. we all joke about the twinning and unconscious mirroring but it makes all kinds of sense that considering how similar Oscar and Max F are in many ways that Lando would have a similar dynamic with Oscar - where it's not always easy to include the general public and have to bring all of us along.

the like, overlapping sentences and watching each other's expressions thing is so similar in both those relationships as well. same as when Lando is in A Mood where he's either hyper or giddy or low-blood sugar argumentative and Oscar and Max are basically following around after him like adults making sure a worn out toddler doesn't smash their head into sharp edges lahflashf.

and with the other F1 Lando friends like Carlos, George, Daniel Alex, Yuku, Max V etc, Lando is fully a gossipy chatterbox and pretty high energy - even when they're filmed casually or candidly. those friendships revolve around F1 and shared activities like padel, golf, gossip or going out/partying. it isn't that guys like Max F or Oscar couldn't easily slot in with those groups, I just think it's more that they're a different type of friendship with Lando. the streams don't usually cross in Lando's life, or very very occasionally. and I feel like he's even said he likes keeping the different parts of his life a bit separate?

so initially it kind of threw a lot of us when he seemed so relatively quiet and less of his usual 'on camera personality' around Oscar rather than seeing his usual teammate Lando Effect of jumping into a bromance, leaning into humor and figuring out a shared activity. and that usually includes lots of social media content together for fans.

but Lando and Oscar never post about when they hang out - even when 'contractually obliged' - and we only find out incidentally or bc someone else mentions it or posts pics. and from what we do find out incidentally, it makes you wonder about what else we're missing. it's just the usual things that a lot of drivers do together but Lando and Oscar prefer not to broadcast it for some reason.

and when you think about it both Oscar and Lando keep a certain percentage of their lives strategically offline already (Oscar way more obv) and it's like they automatically inserted each other into that part of each other's social life rather than a fan-facing one?

like obviously I'm just going off what we can see but they've been pretty damn consistent about it. Lily is obv a major part of Oscar's life and he has this whole set of close friends from boarding school who've gone to races as well as a set of old friends back in Australia - but apart from the occasional post of Lily, we only know any of that part of his life from Oscar mentioning it in passing or incidentally from a post by someone else or a fan sighting. Lando has a whole existence with close friends in Monaco that fans have tried and failed to squirrel out that Lando himself only mentions in passing and never posts about. he posts Martin but goes very shy and doesn't want to talk about him or their friendship in interviews.

and then Lando and Oscar have all these little in-joke moments and watching each other super closely and almost actively concealing the time they spend together that isn't requisite… and then little touching moments like Lando posting Oscar giving him a small smile on lando.jpg as the first slide so that the black heart caption sits underneath. and Oscar staying up all night after Vegas liking comments about Lando's crash and leaving that little papaya heart under the post of McLaren announcing that Lando was discharged safe and sound from hospital. at like 5am and apparently either when Lando was with him or after he'd left him.

idk it's just such a weird case of kismet that Oscar became a serious Lando fan when they were 14 and 16 respectively, their karting journeys both went through Ricky Flynn, Oscar and Max F knew each other in the Renault Academy, their paths crossed in an interview where Lando (who doesn't really talk much about the junior categories) said "not yet" when asked if they'd raced each other. and then Oscar arrives against a LOT of odds as Lando's new teammate and he's got zilch in common with Carlos or Daniel for Lando to fall back on and it's the worst start to the season of Lando's entire career… yet it ends up being the most immediately strong partnership Lando's ever had ?? there's no mixed dynamic to overcome or huge disparity in anything, not even an age difference and they share a double podium not once but twice while Oscar is still a rookie ??

and like, Oscar's in so many ways set up to fit in perfectly with the more low-key friendships Lando has in his non F1 life. bc from what it seems, Lando likes hanging out at home playing games and eating takeout and just chilling quietly as much as he does the glamour of F1 and touring the world and being a businessman. and I feel like he's even said somewhere how he needs to have that balance in his life rather than just being an F1 guy or just being the guy who stays at luxury resorts with famous friends.

so this separate little world that even casual fans seem to pick up on feels like it's because they genuinely fit together so well as people but also happen to make extraordinarily great teammates and I get why Lando keeps bringing up what will happen when they're battling for a WDC with that worried little shadow over his face bc it's one thing to have a bromance buddy teammate where you can shove each other around and laugh and hug off the tension… totally another when it's someone you feel is so similar to you and feel so strange when you're both having to pretend to talk 'normally' on camera and even weirder imagining you both on separate sides of a competition rather than joined together for it ???

like, they wouldn't necessarily have known each other if they weren't teammates and as teammates they're both talking about WDCs in cautious but confident tones and saying how they have 'years together' but also the tension of being each other's biggest competition and measure of success without any of the usual bro-ey fun of being Good Mates or Cabrones bc Lando and Oscar aren't bros and they're not dudes and they don't shove each other around or make loud jokes so how do you diffuse tension when you can psychically sort of connect and the bleed of what you want for each other and yourselves doesn't have that easy delineated relationship boundary bc Lando and Max have had to delicately and carefully navigate something similar and they couldn't just crack a joke or slap each other on the back in a hug and sort it all out bc that's now how they are together they actually talk and they make considered kind and gentle effort and it's too embarrassing to tell people about that unless you feel absolutely safe and chat is unusually chill and idk idk idk the similarities with Lando and Oscar and the complexities man !!!!!

idk as per usual this JUST my brain chewing all of this over and is NOT me thinking I actually know what's going on but it sure helps to offload it here where I know some of us will prob be like 'oh yea I get what that btch is saying' <3<3

[nightswithkookmin]

Hmmm. I don't know about that. I think even though they all started with concepts they discarded any company assigned roles for them some where along the line because it didn't suit them and they couldn't keep up with it.

With Vmin I used to think if those two weren't good friends they could be the biggest frenemies on earth and their dynamic would be predisposed to envy and jealousy, unnecessary competition and drama. We don't say this out loud but I think we all can sense it.

Deep down I think they both know this too.

I think it's why they put in so much effort internally and externally to prevent that from happening to them. You should watch a video of Taehyung crying on stage and pouring out his heart because Jimin was there for him in one of the most difficult moments of his life when his grandma passed.

If that confession was staged and faked i'm sorry he is going straight to the pits of hell. And I don't know the metrics for determining the authenticity of their friendship but to me the mere fact that Tae goes to Jimin for emotional support at his lowest and is willing to share his vulnerability with Jimin when he's scared of ghosts in the middle of the night or ask of him the first thing in the morning when he wakes up in soop is a sign of lowered emotional boundaries on his part and you dont lower your walls unless you feel safe to do so around someone- give him an Oscar he certainly fooled me had me believing he liked him so much he might have developed actual gay feelings for him somewhere along the line. Best actor award for him them. Shooketh to my core.

People wanna hype Tae Kook and Taejin but I'm sorry this man will run to Jimin in a heart beat when he needs tender loving and care. Tae kook who. You think JK will sit on a couch and let Tae sob into his laps while he caresses his hair?

Now who's delulu.

Other than that one moment of him on stage burying Tae's face into his chest, show me a compilation of him comforting Tae. I'll wait.

He will rub his back with a broomstick sure

However Tae wouldn't hesitate to be JK's emotional support- IF ONLY JK GOES TO HIM FOR IT💀

Like Jimin and Jhope, Tae is actually very warm at his core.

If you want people JM allows himself to be vulnerable with V is on top of the list, followed by Hobi and V. It all depends on who you think he spends most of his time around and since he used to spend a lot of time around Jungkook we have a tendency to place Kook on top of his list simply because they have more vulnerable moments together. But there are certain things he shares with Tae and even Hobi that he doesn't share with Jungkook first.

And sometimes Jungkook is not the one he reaches out to first when he needs emotional support. And I reckon he has other friends he keeps private and we don't know what he does with those. Similarly Tae has other friends and isn't really private about those friendships like Jimin.

All that comes to play and at the end of the day whether or not you think their friendship is genuine depends on your definition of friendship.

From personal experience, I had friends whom I loved dearly and deeply and to some extent I still do but want nothing to do with them. In fact, I will fly to Mars on a strawmat just to get away from them. Because while I was busy loving them from my heart they let envy and jealousy sip in and I didn't realize till they did the most damage to me.

These days I tell the few friends I have, let's talk about it. It's okay if you're Jealous of me. I won't hate you for it. It's okay if I feel envious of you too just as long as we are not acting on these feelings and we talk about it and not let it push us to sabotage eachother and hurt each other. Jealousy and envy are human weaknesses. It's usually a sign we've been victims of injustices and unfair treatments on cosmic levels. Life isn't fair and some of us will be dealt the short end of the stick. As long as those with the longer sticks are compassionate and not condescending we can all learn to heal.

I feel that's what people don't understand about BTS or even about Vmin. It's not as if they don't know all these things, it's not as if they don't see some are loved more by fans or the company or that some are blessed or that some are slacking- they deal with it.

They help each other deal with it. And that is the strength of Vmin.

You don't think it's ironical Vmin have a vmin letter and years later Jikook develop a letter too mirroring the concept of vmin's letters?

I don't know.

May be I'm just too optimistic and a bit naive I must say and yall see something I don't see. But to me it's not about the ghettoness between them, it's about the way they process these negative feelings and deal with them when they arise.

Someone mentioned Tae complaining about JM stealing the spotlight, but what did JM say right after? He said to Tae you could have come to me to talk to me about this. Look how nurturing that is. He says he values communication and as a Libra myself I can't stress how much important I feel communication is.

I don't know. I love their dynamic. I think their relationship isn't all rainbows and sunshine but a lot of work has gone into it. And there is still more room for improvement. They've come this far so why not see it through to the end.

They should keep being mindful and intentional about their relationship. It's THEE VMIN. Things will work out.

I trust you Tae. Please come through 😭

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

why did I play wayhaven chronicles book 3

A list of grievances and observations as I played this heck of a game

Spoilers for all of it because I don't care and you shouldn't either

How is the writing getting worse. HOW IS THE WRITING GETTING WORSE. DON'T YOU HAVE EDITORS? BETA TESTERS? AUGH.

there's so much stage direction it's unbearable. people smile, smirk, chuckle, roll their eyes, shrug, scoff, groan, all of it, always, often for no reason, often to just fill word count, often so unnaturally it reads like they're all robots.

descriptions and dialogue are repetitive as fuck, and the prose quality is so poor. i feel like you could write a better game faster if you just had a better editor. or AN editor, really.

It really is a game that bit off more than it could chew so it didn't chew anything at all and just spit this back out.

I encountered like 3 major bugs in my first playthrough that would've broken the plot/game, if any choice actually mattered and the vampires didn't just swoop in to save my ass no matter what I did, so I guess no harm done ????

MAKE A SMALLER GAME THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY BOTHER TO PLOT OUT AND CODE

You can't keep bragging about how much you loooove adding variation when seemingly no or very few options actually impact anything

No seriously, the amount of times player agency is discarded just because nothing is allowed to matter is staggering (why couldn't the detective confess their love for Mason? well because it would change the dynamic uwu!)

Speaking of Mason, look how they slaughtered my boy!

I refuse to believe M is this fucking stupid, they clearly know enough about romance to realize that some other people might want more than they can offer (in fact they say this exact thing if you reject sex in book 2) so like ?? why wouldn't they be able to recognize or even entertain that that's what's going on? sorry i get not realizing initially but the longer it goes on the more annoying and less realistic it becomes

But that's a non-issue right? Because the romance develops in this book? Sure, it does, and that's one of the few good things about it, that there's visible romantic development with M at least, but it also just completely doesn't care how you approach the romance at all. If you try to approach M's romance as a slow burn, it's not taken into account. Because the game doesn't seem to track which kiss is actually your first, ANY of them could be, so they're all written as equally important, meaning none is allowed to be more important than the others

Same goes for the sex scenes. You're waiting until the best in-character moment to fuck M? Well fuck you. it'll be the same as any other. This was the first time? cool cool, the game doesn't care. headcanon your own emotional weight of the moment, asshole. first time my detective had sex with Mason was written with pretty much the same weight as any previous ones I read, and we didn't even get a morning-after scene when Mason ditches their ass. I'm sure your slow-burn, slow-to-trust, emotionally motivated detective is tottally chill with their lover leaving in the morning after they finally brought their guard down and let Mason in, right? no? well fuck you. it's a week later now and they have no comment to make.

"oh but it's sooo hard to code alll of these variations! you can't expect the writer to take your headcanons into account!" they're not headcanons. i can reject Mason's advances at every step of the way, but the game doesn't care about this beyond the next page where the rejection actually occurs. anything else plays out like it does regardless of whether it's your first time doing anything or not.

Here's a simple, cure-all solution to writing choices that are too complicated for you to handle: don't! just don't put them in if you don't honor them! DON'T FUCKING PUT THEM IN IF YOU DON'T HONOR THEM.

Speaking of fuck you, if you're playing as a nonbinary detective and you have sex with M? congrats on having ghost genitals. your "detailed" intimate scenes are so vague and noncommittal that it's difficult to tell who's doing what with what body part. it's all so vague and bland that there's really no point in picking the option at all. Pro tip, cissies: nonbinary people have genitals, too. I know! Wild, right?

What's funnier, you always get to pick if you "initiate" or not (I assume this is code for topping). But if you're NB, regardless of what you pick, you don't really find out what your character is doing, even though Mishka gave herself a perfect out to write player-based variation. Everyone's got holes, man. It's not that hard.

Basically the game insists you have sex with M ASAP because there's no material reason not to, but if you dare to be nonbinary and fuck M, good luck on figuring out that sex scene, bitch!

Rebecca is still getting so many excuses and second chances that it's getting genuinely triggering to read at times. Your character keeps having to confront her about their relationship and it's like it wants you to forgive her because it's #feelgood. Plus, if you decide not to work with her at one point, you get a shorter climax where you're a cringefail idiot who can't do anything right. If you work with her, everything works without a hitch and you get to waltz out being all cool and badass. huh? huh ? huh ???? i hope this is just something me and my pals who played this are missing and maybe there's more variation??? but man oh man the Rebecca stanning going on in the narrative is so uncomfortable :')

We really peaked with Falk. This new villain is barely a presence and doesn't even get named until like halfway into the story. We meet him once and then he's defeated.

Sin, who got a lot of hype and buildup ... is not of any consequence. He just leaves.

You don't even find out what his deal is if you go the combat training route. Oh you thought this was vital info that would be delivered to you regardless of your personal character choices? fuck you.

Addie, the face of the victims of these gruesome kidnappings? comes back at the end as a non-speaking character you never even talk to personally.

The whole entire kidnapping+human/supernatual trafficking thing is just so ... bad. It's all so poorly constructed and not thought-out at all. Why would you go here with your silly vampire detective romance? Who thought this was the place to do that?

The detective's emotional breakdown is triggered by a random nameless victim who never comes back into the story again

The detective's emotional breakdown involves them being naked in a shower with their LI. This is (in M's case, at least) never brought up again and barely has any impact on the romance (because you can avoid it, so it can't matter too much<3)

The blood drive that was set up as being a potential major issue and would maybe tie back into the alleged "main plot"? Easily avoided, explicitly in-universe boring, and literally of no consequence

After all this, after three books of being dumb as shit for no reason other than idk cringefail cheap angst? Mason confesses his love for the detective via a NEVER-HAVE-I-EVER DRINKING GAME.

NO REALLY. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME I AM 100% TELLING YOU THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW

This is, of course, not touched upon at all and the detective (who, at this point, is pretty much aware they're in love with M) barely reacts at all

THE FAMOUSLY EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE HORNY SLUT CHARACTER, WHOSE REALIZATION SHOULD ALLOW FOR SO MUCH ANGST AND JOY IN ANY GOOD ROMANCE, CONFESSES THEIR LOVE VIA DRINKING GAME

honestly it wouldn't be so bad if it were acknowledged or discussed afterward or if it had any fucking effect on anything ever but it's barely even played as a joke so we can't have that! Why????

Because the book is over. if you're an M-mancer the book ends with a drinking game indirect love confession and you don't get to react to it at all

But here's a cheap stinger about the detective's relative who's totally evil and will totally be a main antagonist eventually!

did you have fun??? no?? well fuck you.

[lolahaurisfw]

˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : Stardew Valley - Polyam Fam:;

Part 1/3: Demetrius x MILF! Reader, Robin & Reader.

Contains: F/M, Poly Relationships, Family Fluff, HC's, Pregnancy, Clingy! Shy! Teen Girl From Previous Relationship, Dad Isn't In The Picture, Curious! Toddler Boys w/ Your Current Mans.

A/N: TYSM for this request! It turned out way longer than i thought it would. So I'll be posting all three separately so you don't have to wait for them to all be done before i publish. 😭

~

・❥・Family Life!

What a blended family you have! 🙀 So many kids from so many different pairings, it was hard for your oldest child to get used to at first. She's usually very clingy, definitely a "mama's girl", so she was uneasy at the idea of you having so many other people to take your attention away from her.

Plus, now she had to meet and join a whole new family. She was worried they wouldn't like each other.

But eventually it all worked out when they finally started talking!

Maru was the easiest to meet, she's very friendly, not much older than her, and loves meeting new people.

Robin was also so kind, she's truly so motherly, never wanting anyone to feel left out.

Demetrius took some getting used to, he's never exactly sure how to parent a child who isn't technically his, he fears overstepping or coming off like he's trying to force himself into their life. Which in turn makes him seem like he doesn't care, but he does! He's just not sure how to deal with these types of dynamics yet.

But they became close in time, he was just the father figure your daughter needed! He was always conscious about his mistakes with raising Sebastian, and he made sure to try and not repeat it with her.

Sebastian was the toughest nut to crack. He'd never been a people-person, and he couldn't help but feel a little more isolated when more people joined the family, putting even less attention onto him.

But when he realized your daughter was an introvert like him, and also didn't have her father around, he felt guilty for excluding her, obviously knowing how bad that feels. So, he eventually opened up and started to hang out with her and Maru every once in a while.

Sometimes your daughter would actually join Maru & Demetrius in the lab, learn woodworking from Robin, or play boardgames with Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail!

You and Robin also developed a close relationship! It was awkward for you at first, since y'know, you're dating her husband and now sharing a bed with them. But she never let you feel uncomfortable around her!

Any worries that jealousy or resentment could be brewing between you two were soon gone when you realized she truly loved your company. Maybe she even had a crush on you herself. 🤭

You, Robin, Maru and your daughter actually started having "girl's nights" every Sunday 28th. Which usually entailed going to dinner at the saloon, then the movies, and then having dessert & playing a board game before bed.

And in turn, that forced Seb and Demetrius to have a father-son day! Usually they'd go to Ginger Island and meet up with Sam and Kent, then hit up the saloon for dinner before going home to meet you guys for the board game.

Overall the moving-in stage of the relationship was awkward at first, but now everyone is closer than ever.

...

Especially since you soon got pregnant with twins!!!

Seb and your daughter were first scared at the thought of more siblings, knowing it would change the dynamic even more.

(But as soon as your boys were born, they loved them right away hehe.)

Everyone was soo ecstatic when you got pregnant.

It'd been a long time since anyone in the valley had had any babies, so nobody could wait to meet them!

Robin and Demetrius were so sweet and helpful.

Demetrius made sure you had a well balanced diet and kept up with some light exercise.

He would also regularly lift things for you, not wanting you to hurt your back.

Just lots of acts of service!

Like: cooking more often, carrying groceries, making sure you're taking your vitamins or medications, leg & foot massages, helping you shower or dress as the pregnancy progressed, etc... etc...

He always made sure to go to EVERY doctor appointment you made, even if it wasn't for anything baby related lol.

He listened to all of Harvey's recommendations, and made sure you listened too haha. He wouldn't let you farm, mine, drink energy tonics, or eat fish or deli meat.

And if you had any pets before you moved in, he'll be in charge of cleaning up after them now.

He's a bit overbearing and smart, but you knew what you were signing up for. 🤭

Robin is of course by your side too! Esp later in you're pregnancy, always checking in with you and seeing how your feeling.

Caroline and Jodi couldn't wait to be aunts again as well!

Overall, your pregnancy was great! You had so much love and support from your family and everyone in the valley!

...

Once your twin boys were born, things definitely changed, but not in a bad way!

On one hand you were very tired, even with the help of others, the boys were never easy to handle. (That was especially true as they became able to walk.)

But on the other, you loved being a mom again, and you enjoyed being able to spend some extra time with Demetrius.

He never neglected Robin or the other kids though, instead, he took some time off of work and focused on being more family-oriented.

He's such a good dad too. He'd forgotten how much fun it is to play with and talk to babies.

I think he'd be a good (temporary) house-husband too! Since Robin had to look after your farm for you, and the older kids all had jobs, it was up to him to keep up with most of the house.

But as long as you were clear and specific about what needed to be done, he was happy to help!

Everyone was also a bit more clingy with you post-partum, they just couldn't help but wanna be around the new cute babies!!

But you didn't mind, it was nice to have a lot of people available to hold the babies or help you with tasks when you were tired.

It was also sooo adorable seeing your daughter get to know her new brothers!

And things only became more fun as the boys became toddlers, they for sure inherited their dads curious, knowledge-hungry nature. 🤭 Always on the move and trying to escape your arms to go explore.

They love spending time outside with you and Demetrius!

Even though they're only just now speaking sentences, Demetrius LOVES teaching them about the local flora and fauna as if they understand what he's saying. 😭

It's actually so sweet though, you'll be walking your mischievous little ones on a backpack leash through the trail behind your farm, and Demetrius will see some forage or an artifact spot or smth, and he'll immediately stop and pick it up, holding it up to the boys' faces and start telling them all about it.

Meanwhile they're just trying to grab it so they can either throw it or try to it eat. 😭

But you can't help but watch with hearts in your eyes, seeing 3 of the most important boys in your life have so much fun together. <3

[gunnerkriggcritical]

A Personal Reflection On Gunnerkrigg Court (by @kestrelknight)

I started reading Gunnerkrigg Court at least by the time of Chapter 20. I was in elementary school, and obsessed with a number of webcomics. Gunnerkrigg Court was among the two that I persisted in reading up into college. It has been a foundational piece of media for me; it was one of my models for good visual storytelling, for pacing, for mystery and atmosphere, for kitchen-sink fantasy. I even made a single page of a comic in middle school, heavily based on the "spooky magic girl in abandoned industrial setting" concept. I loved it.

I wouldn't care about Gunnerkrigg Court so much if I hadn't loved it for so long. I wouldn't be this frustrated, and hurt by the comic, if I hadn't loved it for so long, so much.

There were always a few little bits that made me uncomfortable in the comic, though I had difficulty articulating it- mostly the way young girls wound up being sexualized, or having romantic teases with older men (humans or magic wolves). None of it ever really impacted my enjoyment of the comic; I tried not to dwell on it. While I was frustrated by Annie's perpetual tolerance for her father's neglect, I assumed this was just the beginning of her character arc- that the point would be her coming to process and reckon with the fact that he had not treated her well, and that she was allowed to be angry about it.

The point at which I started having misgivings came at the same place as for many people: The Tree. This chapter hit me very hard, and very personally. I've never been in a situation similar to Annie's. I have been in situations similar to Kat. I was so affected by each individual update, I read more than the top comments- and was deeply disturbed by how many people tried to justify Tony's behavior, especially as comeuppance for Annie for cheating. From that point on, the comic was a source of stress and worry for me. I bore with it, because I loved it, and had faith that Tom would deliver catharsis at some point- that there was a point to all this, that he had something to say about the nature of neglectful and abusive parental relationships. He was writing one, after all.

Annie and the Fire meant so much to me, as someone who's struggled with anger, and a desire to please and placate others, to the point of struggling deeply with dissociation for years. It resonated with me to the point of being hard to read; but I kept with it, and accepted that Annie's journey wasn't done yet. Tony's remorse did very little for me, but it didn't kill my hope in Annie's development. Just because Tony feels bad doesn't negate what he's done, and what he's failed to do. That's obvious. I waited longer.

The moment where Kat suddenly turned face and decided Tony wasn't so bad a guy after all caught me completely off-guard. It felt like a betrayal- and I thought that was the point, that Annie's astonishment at this character change was the point. That now, Annie couldn't offload her own resentment onto Kat- she could no longer rely on someone else to get mad on her behalf. I hoped she would try to convince Kat, even indirectly, of why she should still be mad at Tony, and so come to realize she herself was still angry at him. Something. It didn't happen- but I was willing to wait. Tom had unfolded an incredible, dynamic slow-burn of a story for years and years. I had faith in him.

The second point came with Loup's arrival. Ysengrim and Coyote were some of the best characters in the comic, characters that had defined the dually humorous and sinister tone of the world. To have them both killed off, and replaced by a worse-designed, boring, Chaotic Stupid deviantart wolf without even the honesty of a glitter and rainbow color scheme? Yeah, hated it. The way the plot bucked and heaved, gaining and shedding momentum just as fast did not do it any favors.

I think I stopped reading during the Two Annies arc. I've never been a fan of stories that introduce time-travel or multiple universes late in the story, so it was never going to be to my taste. Combined with Loup, it just felt like the comic was off the rails. And since the plot was all over the place, there was little motivation for me to keep. waiting. To keep putting myself through this constant anxiety, reading every individual update- waiting to see if Annie's relationship with her dad would ever have the pay-off I wanted.

I was nervous it wouldn't come. I really couldn't tell, at this point, what Tom's intent was. But I didn't want to make assumptions prematurely. This was a story told a page at a time; it would be silly to get upset over a narrative resolution that wasn't even going to happen! But I realized that it was doing me no good to keep waiting around for the story to end, one way or another. I stopped reading sometime around 2019, having read for maybe a decade.

There was another layer to my discomfort with the comic, one more related to real life events and relationships. To put it bluntly, the main other GC reader I knew IRL agreed with Tom's framing: Annie was immature, headstrong, and was facing the just repercussions for her actions. Not in those exact words, but close enough in sentiment. I didn't have anyone else in my life to discuss the comic with. I was getting old enough that while I could see how Annie had made mistakes, and was a flawed, messy person- she was also a child, surrounded by uncaring or passive adults, in an uncaring system, constantly reprimanded for taking matters into her own hands while also burdened with immense responsibility. She was treated like a kid while being expected to act like an adult. There were very few adults in Gunnerkrigg Court that I could even like anymore. Even the kind ones frustrated me by their inaction. Obviously, you don't need to like the characters in a story to enjoy the story, but it did stop me from enjoying GC. I realize now that it was because the framing was leaning more and more into Annie being the problem, not the system and adults around her. Which, is horsepiss.

Every now and then I came back, and read several chapters in one go. It was a disappointment pretty much every time. Something felt off, and the parts of the comic I cared about weren't really the main focus. I dropped it again, picked it up, dropped it. There are still whole chapters of the comic I've not read, or only skimmed through. My family owns the first four volumes of the comic, some of which are coming loose at the binding for being handled so often. I've barely reread anything past The Tree.

Some point a few months ago, I was stewing over the comic again, and wanted to see if people on tumblr were talking about it at all. I found some fanart, and one or two critical posts that validated my feelings. I kept coming back to the tag, looking for more of both- and eventually came across gunnerkriggcourtcritical. I've gone through the backlog of this blog multiple times- every time my memories of the comic frustrate and upset me. It's comforting to know that other people feel the same way, underwent the same disappointment, even betrayal, reading this comic.

And finally, it was closure for Tony and Annie's arc. Not the closure I wanted- but at least I know now what Tom was planning. I don't regret giving him the benefit of the doubt. Now I know for certain what the point of it all was. I was disgusted by The Mind Cage.

I've been in Kat's situation: watching my best friend be ridiculed in a public place by their parent, helpless to do anything to help them. Listening to another friend make constant excuses for their parent, idolizing their worst aspects, wanting to be more like them, so they can feel in control. I've been like Annie, so horrified by my own anger, so unable to process my emotions, that I just cut them out and sent them to another country. I've washed my face in that mirror, the restroom unrecognizable around me.

Annie deserved better. There are no heroes or villains in Gunnerkrigg Court; there are abusive parents, and neglected children. There are no readers who keep up with the comic, just to complain and hate it for the sake of hating; there are readers who saw themselves in Annie, in Kat, and who are still trying to process what the hell happened.

Authorial intent does matter- but a good author understands that readers will always get the last word. Stories are a reciprocal process, especially episodic ones like webcomics. Tom had all the opportunities in the world to observe reader responses, and adapt his story to be both consistent with what he had already written, and sensitive to what dynamic he was portraying.

I still love Gunnerkrigg Court. I'll probably reread those volumes again, sometime. It's still what I point to, when I want to give an example of how simplified style can be more effective in comics. It was my model of a beautiful, effective webcomic, both in story and artwork. I'll never forget how Gunnerkrigg Court shaped my art and my stories.

I'll also keep thinking about how it ultimately failed to recognize the story it was telling, and turned to mean digs at its audience rather than reflect on its own content. I'll keep thinking about what a wretched message it is, to imply that being neurodivergence is the cause of child neglect, to point at Annie doing all the work in her relationship with her father and say: that's fine, and you're stupid for thinking that isn't fine. I'll keep dunking on Loup/Jerrek, because he sucks.

I'll never forget how Gunnerkrigg Court let me down.

[alexbrunn]

You're pretty damn good at making comics. How did you develop such a skill?

As cliché as it sounds, I think it's a matter of practice here. I'm not an avid comic book reader, I always prefer anime to manga (I read manga 2 times when I was eager to know the sequel, but I was well aware that I just couldn't wait for the anime adaptation). I encounter this kind of art only occasionally on the vastness of the internet and never emphasize too much to gain experience or anything like that. And if I learn, it's only from my mistakes. (Maybe that's why I still can't master the dynamics of lines when moving something, because I don't have much exposure and understanding of how it works)

If telling it from the beginning, my journey started with what could be called "art with text". That's a long period from late 2018 to early 2021. I didn't take drawing and drawing comics in particular seriously enough at the time, but as a first step to what I have now it's worth talking about. I just draw the art (at the time I didn't care about the background, which gave me some room to add text) so that it appears to stand alone and without text next to it, and write the text in the remaining space. There was no hint of separate panels or dividing the canvas into multiple parts. The composition and perception suffers from this, but because the character in the picture itself is elaborated I thought that everything looks even good. Also, as for me it is important to say that I always had an incentive. Question format. People ask a question of a character, and artists answer that question by drawing a comic. I had a deadline that I always had to meet, which in a lot of ways kept me evolving and moving forward.

At the beginning of 2021, I'm doing similar things in the same way, but there is some kind of turning point. Perhaps I had grown older and perceived the world around me a little more maturely, perhaps the subject matter of the issues seemed more interesting, because now I wasn't just talking about my favorite character that anyone in the fandom who knew that character could talk about, but about the interaction between two characters close to my heart. The fandom wasn't set up to think about their relationship. Probably half forgot one of the characters existed or turned it into a silly joke. But I found something different about them that no one else saw. I saw in them a very touching father-son relationship that in many ways helped me through some of the moments of this life as well. Faith, help and support was the outlet that I was anxious to develop between them. And it was exactly what I wanted to show the world around me, because it had already happened in the fandom, but with characters who couldn't do that in canon, and people didn't even notice such a great option that I found.

That's why I went from light and non-committal comics to something heavy. There appeared full panels and division into several plans and characters that could go beyond the panel. But the composition was still lame because of the perception of the comic as a set of artwork. The bubbles were inserted anywhere, they were transparent, which made it uncomfortable to read. The pages were also time-consuming, because I wanted to put all my efforts into them and to make the audience feel at ease, if not with high skill, then with dedication and hard work. I almost always drew the background, although I blured it so that it did not stand out in the foreground, drew all the dialog, even those that did not make sense.

I think I did about a hundred pages between early 2021 and mid 2023. That's not a lot, but considering I'm still learning and it's periodically time-consuming, I think I can be understood. However, it's been enough to gradually progress. To learn composition (not to try to make the largest possible portrait of the character, and already in the sketch to lay a place for the text, In general make the text small and leave empty air space for it in the bubble). Then the background started to appear not on all panels, but only on the key ones. I think it’s stylish?

I even tried to make a manga, but it didn't succeed. After all, I've been drawing in color all this time, and the ability to handle screentones is a whole other direction that also needs to be learned. And of course the dynamic strips... That's how it stopped at 5 pages.

I came to what I have now around the fall of 2023 after a bit of a break, moving to a different fandom, switching to an iPad from a computer. I'm just as driven by the desire to show the fandom something it hasn't seen yet, but already talking about Marcoh, Pav and already their interactions. I still have a lot to look forward to and I think this won't be the last post about my milestones.

Thank you so much for this question! I apologize for taking so long to reply. I tried to find some old works to show them, but unfortunately I deleted everything, so I had to tell everything in words.

[sopebubbles]

omg ur reply got me all giggly & jumping up n' down on my seat!!

TNX U SM!!

tnx u 4 takin' your time to reply & esp to talk more abt the inner voices of y/n & explain all the details,differences & origins of them!!🥰🥰🥰

& now that ik it's a thing,i'm super excited to see how u will write the development of her voices & how her relationship w/ her inner child will change & what is going to be the catalyst of that shift in her!!

also how the voice in bold,the one that comes from having to internalise bigotry to learn her way around it in order to keep herself safe as much as possible,the one that "tells her not to do things that she needs but knows will get her in trouble, like nesting" that she needed up untill now to kinda protect herself in her specific toxic environment, i look forward to seeing how it will change from smth that she needs & depends on 4 her safety,to smth that she slowly learns to leave behind bc is actually holding her back from actually healing & finally being truly safe & happy

dw,i'll wait till the end of times to get to the point in the story where we get to see more of tae's sad past & jin's development & all the beautiful creative things u have /will have in store 4 us,at your own pace & w/ your own timing ofc!!🤗

i absolutely love hobi w/ all my might, but if he doesn't realise he needs to change some things in his dynamic w/ jin as to not indulge jin in feeling like his care & love 4 hobi justify any reaction & treatement he may have towards others,i'm gonna do it myself & put that alpha in a corner to reflect abt what he's doin'💀👉🚪

"Thats exactly what this story is about! Its bts so i feel like they’re perfect for a Love Yourself journey!" BTS fits perfectly this concept ofc,but it's the mastery of your execution & how well your able to mold a whole universe around it that is selling this story!! this concept already wrks nice bc it's bts, but the story is so succesfully immersive & captavating tnx to nothing but your own writng ability & how your mind wrks & then is able to put that down on a keyboard,to create such an amazing story!

the amount of thinking,details, parallelism, sensitive & intersectional topics treated very well & included smoothly into the plot & depth given to each character & their interactions is at the base of this story & it's a constant in your writing, which i'm sure i couldn't even catch all of it(srry 4 that😭) is what makes reading your wrk so mesmerising, like actually seeing the lives of the characters unfold & being a part of how they progress! it puts me in a position in which i can't help but be impressed by your talent & be passionate abt your creation & process behind it!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

ps. i didn't bring him up cause i didn't want to turn half of my ask in me screaming abt how u wrote him!! cause i'm definitely madly in love enough as it is but u took it to a whole 'nother level.🤣

pps. saving ch 7 as a lil' treat 4 later^^

take care of your precious self & i hope you'r doing well!!💜💜💜😊

This ask just made me a blushing mess. Idek how to respond but i really appreciate you saying such nice things about my work 🥺 Im just so happy that it engages you and makes you think deeply about it. I honestly couldn't ask for more. And just thank you so much for generously sharing your thoughts with me.

You've really made my day and i hope you have a great one as well you beautiful human. 💕💕💕

[unseededtoast]

We'll Be Alright | Spencer Reid x F! Reader

Summary: In which you discover that the line between love and hate is quite fine. Your actions are done out of love, but they only make you hate yourself more and more. Inspired by "Fine Line" by Harry Styles

Cross posted on Wattpad and AO3 and here is my masterlist!

WC: 9.1k

Warnings: Angst, a lot of angst, pining, mention of Ed Gein, mention of blood, use of guns, that sorta thing

a/n: Back at it again with another Spencer Reid oneshot. I hope you all like it, I think this is one of my favorites so far.

"I could live with you hating me, but I couldn't live in a world without you."

With a smile on your face you listen to Spencer ramble on about how he put the pieces together to find the unsub while you two ride to the scene together. He speaks with such passion and you don't think you'll ever get tired of listening to him, his mind is a brilliant thing and you make sure to remind him every chance you get. You can tell that sometimes when he gets fired up about something he starts becoming insecure, fearing that the others will make some snide comment or dismiss his thoughts. But not you, you listen intently every time, hanging onto every word.

Spencer has played a very vital role in developing you into the analyst you are today. Where the others were satisfied with letting you learn on your own, and showing you pointers here and there, Spencer took the time to explain nuanced ideas to you. He showed genuine interest and care, and you gave him your undivided attention. This dynamic created a tight bond with the two of you, allowing you to work together seamlessly and at times, it's like you read each other's thoughts.

"I knew you could do it." You tell him as you pull onto the scene. He utters a thanks as the two of you get out of the car and join the rest of the team.

The unsub is nearby and the team is just waiting for him to show up; Garcia had been able to track his phone and his movement aligned with the area you and Spencer had narrowed down as the next area of interest. Hotch, Morgan, and Emily give you both a nod of acknowledgement and the five of you begin scouting out the area to look for any signs of the unsub, he should be here by now.

This particular unsub sent a chill down your spine, and not much gets to you anymore. His modus operandi was always to kill his victims, skin them, and use their flesh for various purposes. It's like he was trying to be Gein's prodigy, except he never dug up a grave, he preferred to kill them all himself. The team had found his workshop early in the investigation, but the unsub was nowhere to be found, until now. Seeing household objects made of flesh isn't going to soon leave your memory, you're sure of it.

"There he is!" Morgan yells and points to a man crossing the street with a paper bag in his hand. Everyone takes off in a sprint towards him and you pull your firearm from the holster strapped to your thigh. The unsub takes off, trying to evade you all.

Emily and Hotch split up from the rest of the team to try and cut him off up ahead, leaving you, Spencer, and Morgan trailing him. The little man is fast, you'll give him that much. Eventually, he ducks down an alleyway, unaware it's a dead end, and turns back to look at you all with wide, stunned eyes. You see the panic in his eyes and as Morgan shouts instructions at him, you see him reach inside of his jacket.

The unsub pulls a gun of his own and aims it right at Spencer. Your heartbeat echoes in your ears. Spencer puts his hands up in surrender while you and Morgan keep your sights trained on him.

"Put the guns down or I'll shoot him, I swear I'll do it, just like the others!" The unsub declares while switching the safety off of his gun. Your hands begin to shake with adrenaline, but you don't put your gun down. Faintly, you can hear Morgan informing Hotch and Emily of the situation via radio but it's like you have tunnel vision on the man in front of you.

"Do it now!" He screams erratically and you see his finger dance on the trigger, just about to pull it.

An internal battle wages itself inside your mind, trying to quickly assess the pros and cons of listening to the man. Just as you go to lower your gun, you see the man grin sickeningly at Spencer with an evil glint shining in his eye; you've seen that look before. Without thinking, you turn and knock Spencer out of the way just as you hear the shot go off. Spencer slams into the brick wall beside him, chest heaving with panicked breaths. Behind you, you can hear Morgan yelling something but his voice sounds miles away.

All you feel is a blinding, white-hot pain.

Blinking rapidly, you look down and see that your shirt is quickly becoming stained a deep scarlet red. Your heart is pumping at an alarming pace, you can feel your pulse in your neck. The red stain keeps growing but your mind can't comprehend what's going on. Large hands obscure the stain from your view, and you finally look up to see Spencer's hazel eyes, wide and afraid.

He gently brings your body to the ground, leaning you against the brick wall you had shoved him into. His hands apply pressure to the wound, sending a shockwave of pain through your entire body. It feels like you can't catch your breath, you fight for oxygen every few seconds and even that makes your body feel like you've just been set ablaze. The edges of your vision start going black, and you can't really see anything clearly anymore. Your mind is a jumble of incoherent thoughts that just sounds like static.

"Hey, hey look at me. Come on now. Stay with me. Please." You feel a tap on your cheek and your blurry vision can make out Spencer's form, his fingers coated in red. A wave of nausea and pain racks through your system, and you try to reach out for Spencer, but your arms are just too heavy, and words take too much effort. It's easier to just close your eyes.

-----

A constant beeping sound stirs you awake. You don't even remember falling asleep. Trying to open your eyes feels like an impossible task, like they've been bonded shut with super glue. Your throat feels like a desert, and you start to panic, not remembering where you are. Mental images of the unsub's flesh creations flash through your mind and you start panicking, thinking that somehow he got you.

The panic is enough to make your eyes open, and you're greeted with bright lights. Flinching, you squint your eyes and look around. This isn't the unsub's workshop, no, this looks like a hospital. Your eyes travel down your body, seeing lines embedded in your arms, a plastic piece clamped over your finger, and a large white bandage wrapped around your stomach. As if on cue, your stomach starts to burn like hot coals had just been placed there. An image of Spencer's hand covered in bright red flashes behind your eyelids.

A nurse walks through the doors and smiles when she catches your eye. She comes to your bedside and sets down an IV bag full of clear liquid.

"Glad to see you're finally awake. How do you feel?" She asks and you go to answer her, but your throat is too dry, so you just end up coughing. The nurse crosses your room and returns moments later with a plastic cup half full of water. Greedily, you take it from her and drink the water, a lone stream wandering down your chin. Once the cup is empty, you decide to finally answer her.

"Not great." You admit, trying to reposition but unable to do so because of the pain. The nurse nods as she hangs the new IV bag from the metal rack beside your bed.

"I imagine so. I'll give you something to dull the pain." She tells you, resting a gentle hand on your upper arm. Your eyes are glued to her hand and you nod, anticipating the relief of pain medication.

"What exactly happened?" You ask, only able to remember tiny bits and pieces. The image of Spencer's hand refuses to leave your mind but you just can't remember what happened before, or after, that moment. The nurse looks down to the bandage covering your torso.

"An ambulance brought you in last night. You got shot through the abdomen and had to be rushed into surgery. There was sustained damage to your liver and other intestines, but nothing life-threatening. You gave your coworkers quite the scare though, they didn't want to leave but we had to send them home." Her voice is soothing despite the words leaving her mouth, like she was used to delivering this sort of news. Which she probably is. You stare down at the bandage on your stomach, trying to remember anything else, but being unsuccessful.

"So when can I leave?" You ask, knowing that there's an incident report or two waiting for you on your desk. Truthfully, you'd rather do anything but those reports right now, seeing as how you can't even remember a major event, but you know the job doesn't allow for much downtime.

"Probably tomorrow or the next day depending on how well you're doing." She reassures you, and you can live with that. If the team wants the paperwork done that badly, they can bring it to you. Otherwise, you're perfectly content to stay here for a little while. The nurse exits the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

From what you can remember, Spencer was definitely there when you got shot. His hands were covered in your blood, that part you can vividly remember. Your heart sinks as you are able to recall the look in his eyes, how scared he was. You hope he doesn't blame himself for what happened, you know it isn't his fault even if you can't quite remember how it all went down. If the roles were reversed you can't even imagine the wreck you would be; the thought alone makes you sick.

-----

The next day your doctor clears you for discharge, and you call Hotch to come pick you up. You have no family to call to get you or take care of you, Hotch and the team are the closest thing you have. You had almost called Spencer, but decided against it because you're not sure if you're ready to see him just yet. Hotch's car pulls up to the curb and he hops out to help you in the car but you wave him off.

"I got shot I'm not immobile." You try to tease as you grimace, pulling yourself into the passenger seat. Hotch closes the door once you're in and quickly returns to the driver's seat. His hands grip the wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white. He starts the route back to your home without a word, but you can tell something is bothering him.

"What's up?" You break the silence, the curiosity of what he's thinking becoming too much. Hotch glances at you from the corner of his eye before training his eyes back on the road.

"You're off of field duty for the next few months. Technically, you should be on a leave of absence for a while but I know you won't abide by it. But, you have to promise me you won't overwork yourself. You got shot, you need to take care of yourself." His words come out slow and even, which contradicts his body language. There's something else going on, but you know him well enough to know he's not going to tell you.

"No field work, got it." You agree, knowing it's the best deal you're going to get. When another agent was shot on the job about a year ago, they made her stay out of the office for four months. You'd go crazy under those restrictions.

The two of you ride in silence until he pulls up outside of your quaint home. The lights are all off and the mail has gone unchecked. Dark clouds in the sky start emitting light sprinkles, likely to turn into a storm. With a sigh, you look to Hotch, whose eyes are already on you and you smile weakly at him, trying to mask the pain shooting up your spine.

"Thank you, Hotch." You say and open the door despite your body's protests.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call." He tells you with a father-like authority. You nod your head, knowing he means it.

"I will." You confirm and close the door. Hotch drives off and you check your overflowing mailbox before heading up the short stone walkway to your home. You're thankful for the stair railings as you have to pull yourself up each step to reach your front door. From what should be a simple, few-second task, it feels like you've run a marathon. The keys fumble around in your hands but you're able to unlock the door after a few attempts.

Your home is unusually dark and cold inside. The mail finds itself scattered across the dining room table and you go around turning on a lamp or two to bring some life back into the space. Clutching the back of your couch, you catch your breath and look down at your torso. With careful hands, you lift your shirt and look at the bandage. Thankfully it doesn't look like the stitches have broken, it's just a lot of pain. The doctor had given you two prescriptions to fill, but you probably won't go pick them up, you can't imagine how painful it would be to drive a car right now; moving your arms and legs, straining your abdomen. It's just not worth it in your mind. And you're surely not going to inconvenience anyone to pick it up for you, they probably couldn't anyways seeing as how one of them is a narcotic.

Instead of doing anything else, you go around and lay down on your couch, propping your head on a throw pillow and pulling the blanket draped over the back overtop of you. Thunder sounds off overhead, and you know the rain will put you to sleep if the pain doesn't do it first.

The plush material of the blanket soothes you somewhat, it definitely feels better than the hospital blankets. Thick raindrops start pelting the window situated on the wall perpendicular to the couch, giving you the perfect view through your sheer curtains. Your eyes droop as you watch the droplets race each other to the bottom but you don't want to sleep, it's pretty much all you've done the past two days.

While your eyes concentrate on the raindrops pelting the window your mind races with all the thoughts you've slept away in the hospital. Since first waking up, you've been able to recall most of what happened, the doctors told you it was a normal thing to experience, but it freaked you out as you just kept remembering what happened. You can hear Spencer's voice begging you to stay awake and you remember shoving him out of the way so he wouldn't be shot.

While the pain of being shot is like nothing you've experienced before, you know you'd do it all over again to save Spencer. And that terrifies you. It's for that reason you haven't contacted him yet, but you see the messages he's left on your phone, asking if you're okay and if he can do anything for you. If it had been him that got shot, and he didn't pull through, you know you'd crumble, you'd absolutely lose yourself. And that shakes you to your core. You knew you and Spencer were close, but you never realized just how deep your love for him runs.

Being shot made you understand that in this line of work it's not smart to form these personal ties, for reasons such as this. If the roles were reversed and he did die, you know you wouldn't be able to continue doing your job. It's been made abundantly obvious to you during your time on the BAU that these deep connections could pose a threat to your safety, and that's never been more clear to you than it is right now. It's precisely the reason you don't answer Spencer at all. You feel guilty, but you know it's better like this in the long run. You can't stomach the thought of him taking a bullet for you, so you have to distance yourself, for his safety.

-----

Five days later you decide to return to the office. You're feeling slightly better, the pain is still strikingly difficult to deal with, but you can't stand another day being cooped up in your house. Plus, you know there's at least one incident report waiting for you.

You leave early to give yourself enough time to get there, and you find out that you were right about driving, it definitely does not feel good. You reach the office later than you usually do, but you don't really care. The team isn't even expecting you for another two days, so there's no punctuality expectation. After you get out of your car and make your way across the parking lot you find that a pit of dread has taken residence in your stomach, right next to the aching pain; and you're nervous to walk through the doors that have become so familiar. But the elevator ride is too short for your comfort and you find yourself staring at those very doors before you're truly prepared.

With one hand lightly resting on your abdomen, you force yourself into the office, where everyone is busy with their daily duties. Maybe you can just slip in here without anyone noticing you. Your steps are drastically slower than normal, and you make it halfway to your desk before you hear someone calling out your name.

"What are you doing here? Thought you weren't supposed to be back until Monday." Morgan asks, tossing a file on top of his keyboard. You clear your throat and try your best to smile.

"Just couldn't stay away I guess." You say and finish the journey to your desk, feeling your legs start going weak. Within the days you've spent at home, you couldn't bring yourself to exert much energy getting food, you mainly just spent time wrapped up in a blanket on your couch. Your body is weaker than it ever has been, from both malnutrition and the gunshot, but nobody needs to know that, then they'd start to hover. You'd much rather just suffer in silence and take care of yourself. Morgan follows you over to your desk and you're hypervigilant to keep up a good appearance.

"We've been worried about you. Nobody's heard from you since Hotch picked you up." He says and you glance over to Hotch's office, seeing the door closed.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I've just been trying to rest and heal up." It's not a total lie, just not the entire truth either. You meet Morgan's eyes as if to seal the deal, and thankfully he doesn't push you further on the matter, he just puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Well it's good to have you back." He says before departing back to his own desk.

You open the cover of the file that's sitting on your desk, seeing blank pages waiting for you to fill them out. Grabbing your favorite pen, you start jotting down your notes of the incident report up until you get to the part where you were shot. The pen hovers over the page for minutes, and you can't seem to find the right words. The opening of Hotch's door distracts you and you see him and Spencer walk out. Spencer's eyes lock with yours immediately and he wastes no time abandoning his conversation with Hotch to come over to you. You knew this time would come, you were just hoping to avoid it for a while longer.

"How are you? Are you okay? You weren't supposed to be back until Monday." A flurry of questions gets thrown at you while Spencer looks you over as if he's expecting to see another bleeding wound on you.

"I'm fine, thanks." You keep your answer short, too short for his liking and you know it. Guilt sits heavily in your heart, but you remind yourself that this is for his benefit and wellbeing. You can deal with a broken heart, you can't deal with Spencer dying and that's why this is necessary. His eyebrows scrunch together, confused about why you're acting so strangely.

"I tried to text you." He says, lowering his voice, eyes tender and full of worry. If only you could reach out to him, to feel his soft skin under your fingertips and tell him about the hell you've been going through. Instead, you lick your lips and nod shortly,

"I saw. I just, I wanted some time alone." You lie straight to his face and watch as he buys it so easily. Disappointment paints itself all over his face, but he nods anyways and shoves his hands into his pockets.

"Right. Sorry, well, um, you know where I'll be." He says in a hushed voice before turning and walking to his own desk. Your eyes clamp themselves shut and your fists clench, leaving crescent-shaped indents in your palms as you take a deep breath and fight away the tears that threaten to spill.

Once you've regained control of yourself, you pick your pen back up and focus on nothing else but getting this report done. You force yourself to write robotically, stating only the concise facts of what happened and not a detail more. You're sure the other agents' reports will make up for yours, you just need to get this done and filed so you can leave. The air in the office space is suffocating.

After what feels like a short eternity, you've finally completed the report and you shut the front cover of the file and push yourself out of your chair, gritting your teeth the entire time.

"Need help?" You hear Morgan's voice behind you, and you're quick to shake your head.

"No, I'm fine, thank you." You say as you stand as straight as you can, grabbing the file off your desk with one hand, the other rests over your wound, which feel unusually warm. Fearing the worst, you make your way to Hotch's office, biting your cheek the entire way there.

When you enter his office he looks at you with uncharacteristically soft eyes. He waits for you to make the first move and you put the folder on his desk, letting out a breath you didn't realize you were holding. He opens the folder and reads over your work before tossing it on top of a pile of other folders.

"What's going on with you?" He asks and stands to shut his door. Hotch closes the blinds on the office windows as well, so that the other agents can't see into the room and you're thankful. Your bottom lip quivers as a sharp hot pain radiates from your wound and you feel your throat constrict. Grasping the back of a chair situated in front of his desk you lean your weight on it to try and alleviate the pain, but it isn't working.

"Let me see." Hotch stands from his desk and stands beside you. Once you feel you can stand on your own you lift the edge of your shirt up, exposing the bandage wrapped around you. From your vantage point you can see the warm red skin peeking out from the bandage.

"That's not good, that looks like it's becoming infected." Hotch's voice is thick with worry and he delicately peels back the bandage to examine the wound and you bite down on your hand to keep from crying out. The air coming into contact with it feels like he just pushed a fire poker right through the stitches.

"We're leaving right now, that's definitely infected." Hotch secures the bandage back and you shake your head.

"I'll be fine, it's just part of the healing process." You try to downplay the situation. In reality, you know that it's not good for your wound to be that red or warm, but if the two of you leave right now the others are going to know something's up. And that will inevitably lead to them hovering over you.

"No, it's not. You're going to come with me or I'll call the squad." Hotch threatens and you see no trace of a lie in his eyes or in his tone. Relenting, you agree to go with him. He leads you out of the office and you keep your head down, compelling yourself to not look at Spencer, who's undoubtedly tracking your every move.

Once you reach the parking lot Hotch begins questioning you. He helps you into his car and you let him, not having the energy to fight him.

"Have you not been taking the medicine prescribed to you? I know they gave you an antibiotic." He scolds, knowing the answer. If you had been taking them, you wouldn't be showing up to the office with an angry gunshot wound.

"Hurt too much to drive and get them." You keep your answer short and he huffs in annoyance, but starts driving somewhere to get you the medical attention you need. Deep down you're thankful Hotch cares this much, he's the closest thing to real family you have.

Last Thanksgiving the team found out that you have no family to spend the holidays with. You had never meant to tell them, but holiday plans came up in conversation and yours were painfully dull and lonely compared to theirs. But Hotch invited you to his family's Thanksgiving dinner. At first, you had declined, not wanting to intrude on his family time away from work, but he wasn't taking no for an answer. Now you're glad that he persisted and you went. His wife, Haley, took you under her wing and everything just fell into place; you're practically their surrogate daughter at this point.

After Hotch makes sure that you get looked at by a doctor, and that you actually have your intended prescriptions, he drops you off at your home and makes you promise that you'll send him a video of you taking your medicine on schedule. Knowing that if you don't, he will most definitely drive over here and count the pills, you agree. And as a punishment for not taking the medicine in the first place, he makes you agree to stay out of the office for another week.

-----

The week passes too quickly for your liking. Each day Spencer had texted you, asking if you're okay, that he's worried about you, and that he misses you. It broke your heart to not reply to him, every fiber of your being yearned to text him back, to let him know that you're okay. The temptation to abandon your decision of distancing yourself from him grew stronger each day. It became so tempting that you forced yourself to let your phone battery die and then you buried it underneath the clothes in your dresser so that it would stay out of sight.

But now, as you stare up at the office building from the parking lot, you know that you won't be able to avoid him today and you know that you're going to have to not give into temptation. Every time you want to slip, you're going to have to remind yourself that this is for his safety. You remember that you can deal with the heartbreak, the possibility of him hating you, but you'll never be able to go on if he dies. So you have to do everything in your power to make sure he will never have a reason to make a decision to take a bullet for you, like you did him.

Eventually, you walk into the office, admittedly in a lot less pain than last time. Who knew that taking your prescribed antibiotics would make your life easier? As soon as your foot crosses the threshold of the door, you feel like everyone's eyes are upon you. Instead of looking around to confirm your suspicions, you make a straight route right to your desk. But, of course that doesn't stop people from coming over.

"Back again. You look better this time." Morgan smiles and slides to sit on the edge of your desk. You smile back at him, feeling refreshed and healthier than last time.

"Feel better too. Any new cases?" You ask, hoping to establish some normalcy back into your routine. Typically, you and Spencer carpool to work together and his missing presence from your morning routine didn't go unmissed. Morgan licks his lips and nods,

"Yeah we just got back from one out in Colorado. I think there's another briefing at ten." He tells you, taking a sip of his coffee. You know you won't be let into the field yet, but you at least want to sit in on the briefing. More than likely you'll be paired with Garcia, and you're fine with that.

Morgan slides off your desk and as he moves you see Spencer staring straight at you. His eyes look bloodshot, there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks like he hasn't had a decent night of sleep for a month and his hair is a mess. His lips fall open as you two make eye contact, but you're quick to look away before you go over to comfort him. The inside of your cheeks burn from how hard you're biting them.

Once ten rolls around the team files into the conference room, and you're careful to stand in the back instead of taking your usual seat. Prentiss gives you an odd look but she doesn't say anything. It's glaringly obvious to everyone that something is off, but you assure them you should stand to help your blood circulation. As Hotch starts going over the next case you feel a familiar pair of eyes lingering on your face, but you stare right at Hotch.

Soon enough, the rest of the team is off to work a local case, and you stay in the office to help Garcia. She pulls up a chair for you to sit on, and the two of you get to work without saying a word. It's weird for there to be a silence so thick between the two of you, you two always work so well together and you love Penelope. As she waits for something to load, she taps a pen on her desk and takes a deep breath.

"What's wrong?" You ask, not being able to take it any longer. The tapping pen stills and she looks over to you with an uncertain look on her face.

"What's wrong with me? Nothing, I'm perfect as a peach." She tries to lie, but you can read her too well. Your eyebrows raise, and you push her further.

"Come on, Pen. I know you better than that. Tell me." You implore and she bites her lower lip, conflicted with herself as if she should say anything or not. But eventually your staring gets to her and she breaks.

"Fine. Fine, but you didn't hear this from me. Spencer thinks that you blame him for getting shot and that's why you've been dodging him." You've never heard such ridiculous words come out of Penelope's mouth, and you've heard her say a lot over the years. Taken aback, your mouth falls open and you blink, trying to come up with something to say.

"No. Of course it's not his fault. I pushed him out of the way, he didn't pull me into the bullet's path." You say, wanting to set the record straight. Your heart aches at the thought of Spencer beating himself up, thinking that you blame him for your own actions. You know you won't tell him this directly, but you're certain Garcia will relay the message. And that will have to be good enough.

"What's going on with you two then?" Her voice is uncharacteristically soft. You know you can't tell her what you're really doing because you know she'll fight you on it and try to dissuade you. So you choose to dodge the question altogether.

"There. The victim's information loaded." You point at her screen and she scowls at you, but turns in her chair and resumes her job anyways. While she does her research you busy yourself with putting pins on a map, trying to figure out where the unsub is going to strike next.

Later, the team returns to the office before going home for the day. You're at your desk, shutting down your computer and making sure your file drawer is locked, and when you grab the jacket off the back of your chair, you see Spencer talking to Morgan at his desk. He catches you out of the corner of his eye, and you brush past the two of them before either one of them can say something to you. Your heart shatters a little with each step, but you remind yourself why you're doing this. If you didn't, you're convinced you would have turned back and never let Spencer go.

-----

Three days later, the case is solved. The unsub basically handed the team a map right to himself and chose not to lawyer up when Hotch questioned him. It's almost like he wanted to be caught. You don't dwell on the thought too much, you're just glad another murderer is off the street. While everyone else cheers about the victory as they fill out their reports, you keep to yourself at your desk. Unlike the last report you filled out, you make sure this one is extensively detailed.

"What does everyone say? Celebration drinks tonight?" You hear Morgan's voice, eager and happy. The man loves to celebrate sometimes. The rest of the team agrees, and you finish your sentence, hoping they keep you out of it. If you stay quiet enough, you're sure they'll forget you're even here.

"Oh did someone say drinks?" Penelope walks into the bullpen to give Hotch something. Morgan fills her in on the details and of course she agrees.

"I'm assuming you're coming too, right?" You hear her voice but choose not to look up, hoping that she's talking to someone else. Unfortunately, she was not talking to someone else, and taps on your shoulder to make you look up. You see Spencer standing in the background with everyone else, but you keep your eyes trained on Penelope like he doesn't even exist.

"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking of calling it an early night." You admit, knowing full well that you had planned to sit on your couch all weekend binging some trashy reality show to distract yourself from your reality. Penelope frowns,

"Come on, you've never turned us down before. It'll be good for you." She says, and you can tell by the tone of her voice that she's not going to take no for an answer.

"Fine, I'll be there." You relent, with a tight smile on your face. She cheers and goes back to talking with Morgan, and you swivel around in your chair to finish the report. While you scribble words, you're already forming your escape plan for the night.

You'll stay for about an hour, after everyone has already had a few and then you'll excuse yourself. If you have to, you'll use your gunshot wound as an excuse; and yeah it's a cheap cop out, but if that's what it takes you'll do it. And then once you're out the doors you're free. It's a simple, yet effective, plan.

Hours later the team huddles around a table in a crowded bar. Usually you're all over celebratory drinks, you use it as an excuse to remind your coworkers of just how brilliant they are. But tonight, while the rest of them are chatting away happily, you sit on the edge, nursing your drink and looking out of the bar's front window. Spencer is seated across the table from you and you keep accidentally meeting his eyes, which makes the alcohol in your system warm your skin even more.

Spencer sure does make it hard for you to ignore him. After all, his puppy-dog eyes practically plead with you, silently begging for you to say something to him. You can see how hard he's being on himself, still probably convinced that you blame him for your wound. Even if Garcia told him otherwise, you know he will have a hard time buying it considering your actions completely contradict what you had said. While the others might not notice how miserable he is, you can tell. He hasn't gone on a random knowledge tangent since you've been back and he's been reusing the same coffee cup without washing it for the past few days.

You hate how hard Spencer makes it to actually dislike him, you hate how he's such a kindhearted person because it makes all of this ten times more difficult. If he had at least one dislikable trait then this would be easier, then you might have a chance of convincing yourself that you can't stand him, that you never liked him to begin with. Though you're not sure you could ever convince yourself of that, truly. As you take your last drink, you come to one reasonable conclusion: You hate that you love him.

Suddenly feeling like the room is closing in on you, you stand from your seat and make your way to the bartender to close your tab out for the night. Maybe you can just sneak out of here and nobody will notice. The bartender hands your card back to you, and you start heading towards the door. But of course a team of FBI agents noticed that you had left, and are now heading towards the door. Morgan is the first one to confront you.

"Going home already? It's not even nine yet!" He teases and you give him your best smile.

"Just starting to hurt a little." You ghost your fingers over your healing wound for extra measure, knowing they won't chastise you about that. It seems you've taken the low road after all.

"Want someone to take you home?" Penelope asks, and you're quick to decline, knowing exactly what kind of plan she has in store.

"No, thanks. That's alright, I don't live far. Have a good night everyone." You smile at Morgan, Penelope, and Prentiss before you leave. As you walk to your car you notice that everytime you turn away and leave Spencer, your heart fragments more and more. But you remember what's at stake, and you pick yourself up, the best you can, and keep moving forward. You know that the pain and turmoil you're feeling now will amount to nothing if something ever happens to Spencer.

-----

Months later your gunshot wound is practically completely healed. There's a scar that's going to be left behind, but you don't mind it. You're one week out from being cleared to go back into the field, and you're undergoing your evaluation now. You thought that you'd be happy and eager to get back out there, but instead you find yourself hesitant and nervous about it. Working with Garcia had made you feel safe and secure. So now, as you sit in Hotch's office, you try to find the words you're looking for. He's staring at you expectantly.

"I just. Hotch I don't know if I can go back out there." Your voice is shaky, and you're afraid this admission will get you dismissed from the team. He leans forward, elbows resting on his desk.

"You're saying you don't want to return to the field?" He tries to clarify. You take in a deep breath,

"I want to return to the field, I just don't know if I want to do it right now. I mean, I still get nightmares about being shot and it feels so real. What I'm trying to say is that I don't know how well I'd react in stressful situations right now." You tell him, hoping that this makes more sense. In a way, you're figuring out what exactly it is you want. His eyes narrow, trying to get a read on you. Hotch writes some words on the paper in front of him and sighs.

"I can give you another month. And I want you to start seeing a therapist." He says and you scoff immediately. Hotch holds his hand up to stop your protests before they even start.

"Listen. I don't know what's going on inside your mind since this all happened. But you haven't been yourself. And you haven't spoken to Spencer once. You two used to be the best of friends. It's none of my business to know, but you need to tell someone about it. Being shot like that is not something that someone gets over easily and without ramifications." He explains, and deep down you know he's right. You just don't want to confide to anyone about your issues.

"Sure." You agree, knowing that he's going to force you to see a therapist one way or another. If you tell him no now, you're sure someone will show up in the office next week to conduct some sort of "random psych evaluation". Hotch dismisses you from his office, and you make your way to the break room for some much needed caffeine.

The coffee in the pot is hot, like it's been freshly brewed. You pick a mug at random and fill it, then you sprinkle in a modest amount of sugar before tasting it. It's warm and comforting, like a hug from the inside. You close your eyes to help yourself destress from what happened in Hotch's office, but when you open them you see Spencer standing in the doorway. His hair is still wildly curly, there are still circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation. Even his clothes are wrinkled now, it looks like he doesn't take the time to iron them out anymore.

You two stare at each other with so much left unsaid, and you make a move to leave the room before you fold under the pressure. Your shoulder brushes his on the way out, and you hear him speak.

"Please. I'm sorry." You hear him plead with you and your steps falter, wanting so badly to just stop and turn around. To hold him close to you and apologize, to tell him you miss him so bad it makes your chest hurt and how life is dull without him. But instead, you take a scalding sip of coffee and keep moving forward like you never heard him. Each day that passes you find yourself hating how deeply you love him more and more, it's almost a constant burn in your veins.

You spend the rest of the day tucked away in Penelope's office, nose buried in a screen, doing the most menial research as if the fate of the world depends on it. Penelope doesn't say anything. She just sighs and helps you with the research.

-----

A few more weeks pass, and fall is now in full swing. There's a crisp chill to the air, the leaves are all turning colors and falling to the ground. And with fall comes your birthday. You have no real plans to celebrate, Hotch had given you your gift in the parking lot before work this morning, knowing that you don't like a lot attention being drawn to you, but it is nice to get a simple "happy birthday" from your friends.

The team packs up for the day, and your heart sinks with disappointment. It seems that nobody but Hotch had remembered your birthday. You convince yourself that this is a stupid reason to get sad, that they all have busy lives to keep up with. Plus, it's not like it's a milestone birthday anyways. Grabbing your jacket, you leave the office for the day with a heavy sadness taking residence in your chest.

When you arrive home, you turn some lamps on and toss your jacket over the back of the couch. You put Hotch's gift on the table, and go to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine. You don't bother pouring it into a glass, straight from the bottle will suffice just fine. Taking the bottle with you, you go to your room and change out of your work clothes. As you rummage through the drawers, you find your phone still sitting in the bottom of one of them.

You had never found the courage to charge it back up, afraid to see what words had been left for you. But tonight, you figure it's about time you confront your own feelings. You plug the phone in and set it on your nightstand, taking another swig of the wine and waiting for it to charge.

After what feels like hours, the phone finally turns back on. And within minutes, the notifications start pouring in. Text after text after text rolls in and the missed calls start to pile up. With another drink, you take your phone in your hand and read over the messages. There are exactly fifty seven messages from Spencer and thirty missed calls.

Your eyes scan the texts he sent you, his words sinking into the fibers of your very being, and you're saddled with an intense sorrow. Tears fall from your cheeks onto the phone's screen and you stop reading, not being able to take it anymore. All of his texts were him apologizing to you, begging you to please talk to him. You listen to the voicemails he left, hearing his voice crack and listening to him sniffle as he pleads for you to please just say something, anything. You can almost visualize him in your mind, wiping his tears as he tells you how sorry he is and how he misses you more than anything. He's begging and apologizing as if he's the one who has done anything wrong here. You hate yourself more than anything for letting him suffer like this.

You leave your phone on your nightstand and grab the wine, returning to your kitchen table, where Hotch's gift sits perfectly wrapped. Taking it in your hands, you unwrap it and look inside the box, heart stilling as you see what's inside. With trembling fingers, you grab the frame and hold it in front of your face. Hotch had given you a framed photo of the team, a picture in which Spencer is holding you tightly against his side, and you're looking up at him with stars in your eyes. The frame slips through your fingers and clatters onto the table.

You support yourself on the back of a chair, and you finally let yourself feel everything you had suppressed over the last few months. Sobs shake your body and the tears fall onto the photo. Your hands clutch the back of the chair until your knuckles turn white, afraid that if you let go you'll collapse to the ground.

A knock at the door catches you off guard and you try to level out your breathing, using the back of your hand to wipe the tears from your cheeks. You aren't expecting anyone, and you almost consider just leaving it be, but your curiosity gets the best of you. Knowing that you probably look deranged and pathetic, you open the door anyways.

Spencer stands in the doorway, a small box in his hands along with a bouquet of your favorite fresh-cut flowers.

Your mouth falls open, and you think your heart might actually jump out of your chest. He looks you over, an obvious concern coming over his face. You should shut the door on him, tell him to go away, but your resolve has crumbled, like dust in the wind.

"Can I come in?" He whispers, and you nod, letting him inside your home, where he's been so many times but now it feels like the first time all over again. Your house is in a state of disarray, and if you hadn't just been sobbing over a photo of him, you might care more. You wipe more tears from your eyes and you clear your throat, not exactly sure what to say or do. But thankfully, he speaks up again.

"Happy birthday." His voice is soft, and he gives you a small smile, but the sadness is evident in his eyes.

"You didn't have to get me anything." You say, looking at the beautiful flowers and carefully wrapped box, topped with a ribbon of your favorite color. He takes a step towards you, and hands you the flowers first. As you take them, your fingers brush his and it feels like the air has been kicked out of your lungs.

"I know, but I wanted to." He says, meeting your eyes. You catch the scent of the flowers, appreciating their freshness and the life they bring to your otherwise sad home. Making your way into your kitchen, you find a vase to put the flowers in and then you set them on the table. Spencer's eye catches the photo, and you know he can see the wetness that still adorns the frame. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together.

"Thank you, Spencer." You say after you position the flowers just right. Willingly, you catch his eye and you know you can never go back to ignoring him after this. He glances from you, to the photo, then back to you before he hands you the box. Lifting the top off, you see a beautiful gold chain inside that has a beautiful gemstone pendant hanging from it.

"I picked the stone because it reminded me of your eyes." He sheepishly admits, and you look up at him through your lashes with the purest and deepest love flowing through you. But through that love, the guilt eats you alive.

"Spencer, this is too much. I've been horrible to you lately, I don't deserve this. And I definitely don't deserve your kindness." You say, looking into his gorgeous, kind eyes. The tension is noticeable between you, and you wish it would melt away and that you two could go back to how things used to be.

"I've missed you so much." Is all he says, voice cracking and you see tears gather in his eyes. Unable to help yourself, you set the necklace on the table and close the gap between the two of you, resting your hand on his cheek. Your bottom lip trembles,

"I'm so sorry Spencer. I'm so sorry." You say, tears once again flowing down your face. He sniffles as a tear runs down his cheek onto your thumb.

"Why?" Is all he asks but you know exactly what he means. You decide to come clean to him, there's no use of lying now.

"When I got shot, I realized that if you had been the one who got hit, and you didn't make it, that I wouldn't be able to live. The thought of living in a world without you is too much. So I had to make sure that I didn't give you a reason to make the same choice I did. I could live with you hating me, but I couldn't live in a world without you. I wanted you to hate me so that you wouldn't risk your life for me." Your thumb gently brushes his cheekbone, trembling with your words. He closes his eyes as tears keep falling down his cheeks. One of his hands comes up and grabs yours that's on his face, and he grips it tight.

"When I realized you had taken the bullet for me, I knew that nothing would be the same between us. I thought I was going to lose you. Your blood was on my hands, and it's the only thing I have nightmares about anymore. And this made me realize that I can never stop loving you, no matter what happens." He admits, causing you to cry harder. The remorse you feel for putting him through so much torment feels like it's eating you from the inside. You should have been there for him.

"I'm so sorry." Is all you can say, it's all you can express to him right now. He needs to know that you didn't mean any of it. Spencer pulls you in for a hug and holds you tight against him. One of his hands cradles the back of your head, the other is secure around your waist. Your tears stain his sweater, and the two of you let out everything.

When you finally pull back from the hug you grab his face with gentle hands, making him look at you.

"Spencer, I love you so much. I need you to know that I did what I did because I love you too much to lose you." You admit to him and he smiles. A genuine smile that you haven't seen in months. Through the tears and emotions, you two smile widely at one another.

Spencer closes the gap between the two of you, and tilts your chin up. Your lips connect with his ever so softly, and you pull him closer to you, your hands trailing down his torso, collecting fistfuls of his sweater. One of his hands rests on your cheek, brushing your cheekbone and the other keeps you close to him.

Everything that has gone unsaid is spoken loud and clear as you kiss one another. When your lungs start burning, begging for air, you break away and lean your forehead on his chest. He brushes your hair with his fingers and you feel him press a tender kiss to the top of your head. You stay entangled with each other in a comfortable silence before you look up at him,

"We'll be alright." You tell him, knowing that the two of you will be able to mend each other in time. And things may never be like they were, and that's okay.

"We'll be alright." He confirms, kissing your forehead.

Eventually, you two move to the couch and you ask him to clasp the necklace around your neck. In the soft, warm glow of the lamps you look into his eyes and can see all of the love he holds for you. You take one of his hands in yours and he positions himself so that you can lay back against him. He's warm, and being held by him feels like home.

Laying in his arms, you decide you don't want to return to the field. After all, if you're not in the field he won't ever be faced with the decision to take a bullet for you or not. As long as he's in your life, and you're in his, things will be okay. Before you drift off to sleep, you lean up and press a kiss to his temple.

You have everything you need right here in your arms.

[artswaps]

Hunter X Hunter is still a Big Fav of mine but specifically like, early 1999 HxH (everything up until Greed Island, aka the Hunter Exam-Phantom Troupe arcs). It just has the best vibe and has massive nostalgic energies despite me having only watched it for the first time in high school.

Everything after that point is just me complaining that Kurapika and Leorio aren't there or that it's not still a story about the og 4 going on adventures together lol

[ninthhousesteel]

literally questioning the duffer’s writing ability so much more than i already did.

they’ve got great plots, but handle characters horribly.

vol 2 was the most grossly out of character things i have ever seen in my life. i just cant. vol 1 was amazing with the plot, especially in hawkins. it moved well it made sense, even the russia arc, which is admittedly my least favorite plot line of the season. s1, s2, s3 might have struggled, but all of them had great coherent plots that all wrapped up together in a very satisfying way.

if vol 2 are the only episodes 100% written by the duffers, then they should leave the scripts to other people, hell even the actors, and stick with creating the overall plot and side plots. because those were some of the most inorganic, uncomfortable to watch, and wholly unrealistic scenes i have ever watched. the writing was so patchy and uneven, it made no sense, and completely ruined so many character arcs

look, they killed eddie, they wiped out max, and made vickie a robin doppelgänger. plot wise, it makes sense. with the stakes that high, someone did have to die, and robin should get a love interest by now. shes not just a token lesbian coined just for the rep.

but the lack of mourning was so ridiculous, if you kill someone off you show how it impacted everyone. and the duffers even said that if they killed someone off the main cast they would have needed more time for the characters to mourn, so apparently they either dont take their own advice, or dont consider eddie as a part of the main group.

vickie is a casualty of the shitty writing, of the shitty development. (more like the lack of)

el and mike’s relationship made no sense. like none at all. will’s speech in the van was so wrong, because he is the heart. everyone loves him, mike even took his words and his encouragement to save el. and mikes speech was so fucked up, in a whole bunch of other ways. narratively, i appreciate the rousing monologue that helps save the day, but that was so shitty to watch. it regressed mike and el back to codependency and using will as a tool for them was a pathetic move.

and now, in your own words, s5 is getting marvel-ified. the immediate rush of action?? the mid season time skip?? they better have something good waiting for us so they dont fuck up because that season set up is insanely risky. but honestly-

it doesn’t matter what the plot even is, if the characters suck then everything else will. characters draw people into the world. establishing good dynamics, relationships, and depth in a character is what matters the most.

why else would people love steve if it wasnt for his growth??? or max for her depth??? ronance for their dynamic???

no one would be watching Stranger Things if we didnt care about the characters.

the duffer brothers are very close to capsizing all of it if they don’t get it right.

i genuinely couldn't have said it better myself

personally i love stranger things because of the characters. yes i love the central plot of the show but only because of how it impacts the characters and their relationships. stranger things has has some of the best potential for characters that i've ever seen and seeing that be neglected in vol2 is really disappointing. (i honestly think vol1 did excellent in keeping the characterizations even though it could've had just a bit less russia plot)

in the end, however, it is just a piece of media handed to writers who have dug themselves a hole. very nervous to see the results of s5 as a long-time fan

[itsmoonphobic]

Elemental Souls (SBI+Tommy 4 elements au)

(🌿) ♡ (🔥) ♡ (🌊) ♡ (🌬)

Techno Blade -Fire:

"Fire is the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, releasing heat, light, and various reaction products."

You can either see Techno as rude,cocky and egoistic or you can see him as loyal,determined and smart.

Becouse of his cold facade,Techno can scare poeple off easily.The fact that he gets aggressive easily doesn't make it any better.He tends to be very sarcastic and loves to tease/ignore people badly which is another reason poeple tend to stay away from him.

Techno can be described as terrifying.Becouse he is very intelligent and silent poeple around him can only wonder what he is thinking and if he is planning on killing someone soon.Of course Techno never killed anyone and he would never do so but his scary aura makes people believe he did and would do it again.

He doesn't take things very seriously and will only get invested if he is deeply committed and interested in them or if he gets something out of it.Techno may say that he isn't a competitive person but god is this man lying to himself.

Challenging Techno to something is probably the most dumbest move you could make.Not only will he destroy you and win but he will make a whole ass war out of it.This guy won't sleep,eat or talk to another human being until he's won.And you can bet your ass he will totally humiliate you and rub it in till it burns-

That's what Techno can be seen as from the outside. But on the inside he is anything but confident,cocky and unbeatable.He is very shy and socially awkward. He only picks out certain people who he will let take part in his life.On some days his insecurities will get the best of him and he won't come out of his room for weeks-

Hours and hours spent on crying only then become evident once he leaves his room and reveals this mess of red and puffy eyes,dark valleys and pale skin.The vibes he gives off basically scream "back of and leave me the fuck alone or I will burn you to death"

Others may think that a fiery person like him has to have exciting and risky hobbies-When in reality Techno loves peaceful and quiet activities like reading or studying.May I add that in his free time Techno absolutely loves to be outside and farm potatoes on a daily-

Sure Techno does fighting and skill upgrading from time to time but when he is left alone with his head full of thoughts he will scurry to the local library and spend the rest of his day there.Nobody questions why he goes there or makes fun of him that such a tough guy reads books-Becouse they very well know he will personally beat them up and burn down their houses.

Techno's best friend Phil is the only person who he truly trusts with everything and anything.The two of them grew up together and developed a really strong emotional and family like bond.Techno only allows Phil to see his vulnerable and fragile side,he will cry infront of him and even let Phil hug him while he reassures him that everything will work out and be fine.

Techno isn'a touchy guy,for him pda is disgusting and unnecessary-like,why the fuck would you put your hands on another person?What kind of person enjoys sharing physical contact?Not Techno that's for sure.

Over time Techno became more open and extroverted so he agreed to meeting two of Phil's friends,both of them having different elements.Phil commented something about how he thinks that opposite friendships are way more exciting and fun!Techno didn't think much of it,he simply rolled his eyes and went along with it.

That was the day Techno met Wilbur and Tommy.He could immediately tell that Tommy would be annoying as fuck and really hard to deal with-I mean the kid was only twelve when they first got introduced.Wilbur on the other hand sparked some sort of feeling inside of Techno that made him feel welcomed in his presence.

So yeah over the course of the next four years the four element benders became really close.Yes even grumpy Techno had to live with the fact that he would die for all of them-even Tommy.And speaking of Tommy,he and Techno do everything together-

If you would to make fun of Tommy or tease/annoy him in any be it negative or positive way-Techno would hunt you down and burn you-If it isn't intense he will stick to only a threat-but if you actually physically or mentally hurt Tommy??Oh boy-I may have said that Techno never did and never would kill somebody,but in this case there is a high chance of an angry Techno being after you.

Techno sees his friend group as family members.Phil represents a huge father figure,Wilbur his younger brother and Tommy his youngest brother.He is very overprotective of them all,especially over Tommy if you couldn't already tell.With how much shit he gets himself into and the fact that he is only sixteen years young and his braincells are still producing he can't but worry for him and take care of him,even if he does bully the fuck out of him :)

Wilbur and Techno have the best moments.The two of them both enjoy reading so you can occasionally discover them in the local town library where they are just enjoying the peace shared between eachother. Although Wilbur does have a chaotic and wild side to him which he lets out when he's around Tommy,he becomes quite and relaxed when around the fire bender.Techno knew from the moment he met Wilbur that the two of them would get along great.

Techno isn't really good with showing his feelings or dealing with his emotions-Like I said apart from pride and anger he doesn't reveal much to the world.Phil used to be the only person Techno trusted but now with the whole gang on his side he earned himself more poeple to rely on.Of course it took time for him to open up and really let himself go infront of Tommy and Wilbur but the waiting definitely paid off.

When Techno practices,for example his weapon usage and fire bending it is best to leave him alone and stay a safe distance away from him.There is a chance for him to attack you,though he will most likely just snap at you and tell you to piss off if you don't wanna burn alive and if you wanna keep all your fingers in place.

Also not to mention,Techno is on the way of becoming a vegetarian.At the start he only hated eating anything related to pigs,like bacon or pork chops.But after developing his love for farming he noticed just how unnecessary eating meat is.Sure he still consumes meat from time to time but in most of the cases he will turn it down and eat a baked potato instead :D

Squid and Dream(A water bender and a earth bender) are both in a rivalry with him.Techno is probably the one who started randomly picking on Squid at one point and from there on out they kind of grew close?Not too close but most definitely a form of friendship.

Dream on the other hand is hundred percent the one who constantly competes with Techno.Be it in element bending or grades in school.If Dream manages to get even half a point more on an exam he would literally celebrate.The most annoying part is the fact that Techno doesn't even acknowledge Dream. Just to see Dream's face when Techno only shrugs and lets out a small "ehh" while saying that it doesn't matter and he sees no point in anyone trying to be as good as him or better,makes it more entertaining ;D

To sum it all up: Techno is a natural born leader.His dedication and determination along with his loyalty are a healthy base for a powerful soul.The reason behind his aggressive,confident and somewhat rude side is due to the fact that he is a fire bender and his element is naturally fierce.He fights for what he thinks is important and right and never lets anything happen to the poeple he deeply loves and cares about.He is not the best when it comes to showing sympathy and affection and he doesn't seek it from anyone else.He has to deal with major mental health issues but he's more than thankful for his friends that are by his side and help him out on his journey.Once Techno opens up to you more you know he likes you,like I said to earn Techno's respect and trust you have to meet his expectations and show him that you actually care for him and his well being.He needs some love guys <3

Like fire itself, fire benders tend to be passionate, dynamic, and temperamental. Fire can keep you warm, or it can do great destruction. While fire burns out quickly without fuel to keep it going, it can also regenerate its power from the ashes. A single spark can set off a forest fire. As a result, fire benders need to be nurtured and managed carefully.

Phil Watson - Air:

"Air refers to the Earth's atmosphere. Air is a mixture of many gases and dust particles. It is the clear gas in which living things live and breathe. It has an indefinite shape and volume. It has mass and weight, because it is matter."

The most hardworking,kind and caring guy you will ever encounter.Phil is the definition of wholesome :)

Phil is a very understanding and empathetic person. He patiently listens and respects people's boundaries and insecurities.He is a great comfort to many poeple with phobias and mental health issues.A part of his element is care and gentleness.Phil is very careful and elegant with his words and actions.He tends to not be hasty and obnoxious around people he first meets or knows who don't like that type of behavior.

He and Techno are very close.Phil trusts Techno with his eyes closed and the same goes for Techno.The way the two of them interact with eachother suprises people all the time.How could such a gentle soul deal with a feisty one like Techno's??Outsiders and even familiars wonder if the two share some sort of telepathic connection.All in all they share an unbreakable and strong family like bond.

Not only did Phil introduce his other really good friends to Techno and managed to get him to open up more and trust other people apart from him,but he also helped Techno realize that there are other poeple out there who care about him and want to give him nothing but undeniable love <3

Techno may be close with Wilbur and Tommy but the only person who knows about Techno's struggles and his biggest fears is Phil.He knows exactly in which way he needs to talk to him and how to act around him.Phil knows Techno doesn't like affection like hugs and holding hands but as a sign of appreciation and gratefulness Techno allows Phil to hug him while he calms him down and takes care of him.

The way he acts with such precision and grace makes anyone feel welcomed and comfortable around Phil. Phil is very helpful.He doesn't wait for poeple to come up to him and ask him for something,he goes up to them and asks if he can help them out with anything.

He stands up for justice and always does the right things.Phil has a big heart,if he sees anyone who is hurt or feeling down his parent like instincts will activate and he will immediately comfort them.

All three of his best friends(Techno,Wilbur,Tommy) look up to him as a father figure,which warms Phil's heart and he honestly he thinks it's super cute <3 So naturally Phil can't but see them as his three polar opposite,chaotic sons.He would do anything for the three of them,even risking his own life.

Tommy and Phil's relationship is probably the most cutest one.When Phil tells Tommy to quit it or to stop fighting with Wilbur or Techno(mostly Wilbur),Tommy instantly goes quiet and apologises for it.Phil's air bending is something that Tommy loves about him.He will always ask the elder if he can twirl him around in the air and make him fly.Phil gladly does so and he will tickle him with the wind he creates until Tommy is a giggling mess :D

Wilbur and Phil on the other hand are a completely different dynamic than Techno & Phil or Tommy & Phil. Most think that Phil would be scared of Techno like any other person is but it's actually Wilbur who genuinely scares Phil from time to time.Sure anyone who sees him doesn't think that something like "I just wanna fucking murder everyone around me and drag them to the bottom of the ocean-" would come out of his mouth.It's not only what he says it's how and when he says horrifying things like that.They could be out on a walk and Wilbur would just have the most blank expression while he says sentences like that.Phil is pretty sure that he even caught Tommy holding onto Techno's hand once while Techno shivered slightly with wide eyes.

Phil is known for being very respectful and polite.He doesn't like to be mean and angry towards anyone!He is a big pacifist(unlike other poeple 👀)who likes to sort things out with a nice and peaceful conversation instead of turning to immediate violence.He will argument with someone,but only when he has a good reason to do so.If he sees people arguing or fighting he will confront them about it and make sure they settle down and put their differences aside.

He's affectionate and really interested in the problems of others,as if they were his own.He will always be there if you are stuck with something and need help solving or overcoming said problem.He'll make sure that both of you find a way to get rid of it! <3

Air benders are also the most forgiving element benders,so Phil can tell the difference between acting out and just plain old meanness,and he understands that in moments of strong emotion, people can say and do things to can hurt others. Not that he'd ever do the same!His cool, collected vibe helps him navigate the drama and analyze it throughly.

Phil is a master of both small talk and deep convos, and he knows how to use his wit to get him out of awkward moments.That's another way Phil instantly gets the hang of strangers he just met!!He knows what subjects to bring up and what topics to talk about that they are interested in!

Also I quickly wanna say that Phil's laugh is super contagious!He could be out with Techno,Wil and Tommy while the three of them rant on and on about their days and just talk about random,shit.Phil will silently listen to every detail in the background while he uncontrollably laughs.He will let out a small "What?" or "No way dude" but apart from those small phrases he just prefers listening and cackling.He loves to see other people laugh and smile and is even more happy when he is the reason they do so :3

Phil is generous and selfless.He puts the health and safety of others before his own.He doesn't require many things to be satisfied in his life.As long as he has his family and friends he couldn't be more grateful <3

He definitely has a love for birds such as pigeons and doves.One time about two years ago Tommy brought Phil a beautiful silver feathered bird for his birthday. Even with his element being air,Phil sometimes wishes and dreams of flying himself,being able to feel that freedom for himself you know?He sees birds as lucky to have a gift such as flying.

Air benders are all about action, ideas, and motion—they are the “winds of change.” When a strong gust hits you, you can’t help but move. While some within their ranks may be true-life “airheads,” others are as powerful as a gravity-defying G-force. Air benders bring everyone a breath of fresh air when things start to get stale. Like the breeze, you can’t quite catch them, and you never know where they’ll drop you once they sweep you up. It will almost always been an adventure, though

Wilbur Soot - Water:

"Water is an inorganic, transparent, tasteless, odorless, and nearly colorless chemical substance, which is the main constituent of Earth's hydrosphere and the fluids of all known living organisms. It is vital for all known forms of life, even though it provides no calories or organic nutrients."

Charming,suave and flirty in a way that can only be from fiction.Do men like that even exist?Apparently they do and they go by the name of Wilbur Soot.

Ever stand under a waterfall? That’s what it’s like when a Wilbur is feeling an intense emotion.

Intuitive, emotional and ultra-sensitive,Wilbur can be as mysterious as the ocean itself. Like water,he can be refreshing,or he can drown you in his depths.Security is important to him,after all, water needs a container, or it dries up and disappears.

He tends to hold on to people and items long past their expiration dates,and his emotions are always flowing like the waves of the oceans.Wilbur has intense dreams,visions,and an intuition so strong that it’s basically a psychic power.He can see situations happening from a mile away before they occur.

He might intentionally seek out sad music or movies, and he probably has childhood photos framed in his room.Emotional and creative,he relays on his heart and gut to make a decision.Logic and reason are second to his feelings which is how he navigates the material world.Wilbur also longs for security at all times,which makes sense as he's protective of his loved ones and himself.He'll do everything he can to help the ones he cares about,even if it’s at his own expense.

However, like most things beautiful, below the surface many complexities often arise and the same is true when talking about water benders.

Wilbur is notoriously perceptive and he possesses instincts when it comes to sussing out people and situations.He's guided by his gut feelings and more often than not his first instinct about a person are dead on.He can get a feel for whether someones intentions are honorable or not just by observing their body language and general demeanor.

Like a river filling in every crevice of its path,Wilbur covers every detail and often picks up on things that others miss.No riverbed is left to dry as the water flows through each and every intricacy.

The water signs are no stranger to emotion, in fact, they often feel things rather intensely.

On one hand,his emotional side can provide him with a lot of insight and wisdom into the human experience which he can even then pass on to others.On top of this,it allows him to be incredibly empathetic which helps him form strong bonds with others.

But sometimes he can get so overcome by his emotions that it feels like a giant tidal wave just hitting him all at once. When he feels overwhelmed like this he can find it tough to think straight and make rational decisions.

Because he is so prone to analyzing absolutely everything he can sometimes overthink things a little too much and make life more complicated for himself then it needs to be.He has a bad habit of coming up with problems and obstacles in his mind that don’t actually exist or aren’t nearly as bad as he's talked himself into them being.

Sometimes you might catch Wilbur acting withdrawn or shy but the truth is he's probably just deep in thought and mentally a million miles away.He often finds his thoughts are racing at a million miles an hour and that he's powerless to do anything about it.

Just like a bustling river,Wilbur can be a bit wishy washy and kinda all over the place… especially when it comes to making important decisions.Too many options can sometimes leave him overwhelmed and struggling to make any decision at all.

He's also known for being easily distracted and can go from paying close attention in one moment to being totally away with the fairies the next.He doesn't do it out of rudeness he just can’t help himself sometimes!

Wilbur has a very private and mysterious side,he doesn’t like to reveal all of his cards at once.He's known for putting up walls and can be particularly guarded when he's around people he doesn't trust.

From time to time he needs space to himself to think and unwind. As much as he loves his friends and family there’s just some times where he's gotta have some alone time to spend by himself.

Wilbur sure has a unique way of looking at the world. His perspective combined with his vivid imagination makes him naturally gifted in music or anything involving a creative flare.He is a dreamer at heart whose ideas aren't limited by pesky rules or conventions.

He has a big musical talent,his voice is a perfect balance between rough and velvety.It's not too high and not too low,not too loud and not too quiet.The moment he strums his guitar strings he can wrap anybody around his finger.

Wilbur is emotionally manipulative.He can make you feel bad for something you didn't even do.He can make you regret things or certaint actions that aren't supposed to make you feel regretful.He will only use this "talent" of his in a worst case scenario.If you ever hurt his friends or loved ones he will make your life a living hell,wouldn't even wonder if you never decided to show your face to the public ever again.

Techno's and his relationship is wonderful.Wilbur has helped Techno so much to open up more and come out of his shell.They both enjoy the peaceful and quiet times in their life.Reading,going on walks or strolling along the beach while watching a sunset is just some of the many things they love doing together.He isn't as close to Techno like Phil is but he is close second. He sees him as his older and stronger brother who will always be there for him when he needs him.Honestly the two of them have such a beneficial dynamic <3

Now Tommy's and Wilbur's interactions are something absolutely opposite.When the two of them spent time together,they become these chaotic and annoying siblings that go around town and fuck with people. There was this one time where they flooded a barn which belonged to Phil's neighbors and the two reckless idiots ran away laughing.Sure Tommy steals Phil's stuff all the time or uses it without permission but Wilbur,just like Techno,is very overprotective of Tommy.If he finds out that somebody hurt Tommy in any way or made fun of him he will beat them up. Literally he will call in Techno for help to go and pay the little fuckers who messed with Tommy a visit.The only ones who are allowed to tease and bully Tommy are Techno and Wilbur,no one else.

Phil and Wilbur have some of the best moments when spending time with eachother.Not only is Phil a great source of reassurance and comfort but he knows that Phil will seal his mouth shut if Wilbur speaks to him about his insecurities and problems.He loves that Phil listens to him and never judges him about anything. Like the other two Wilbur sees Phil as a father figure. A great and inspiring role model he can look up to.

He likes to collect sea shells and old treasures he finds scattered over the sand at the beach.He doesn't like swimming or diving,which is really unrealistic to not only other water benders but benders in general.It's not that Wilbur is scared,he simply likes to admire it from the shore.He will do it from time to time must mostly he will just sit down and let his legs and feet rest in the cold liquid.

I can imagine that when he was a kid he used to pretend to be a pirate.He still has his old eye patch and hook that were part of his costume.Now,even after thirteen years he still likes to go up to the harbor when the fishermen arrive with a freshly caught catch and watch the ships glide across the indigo waves.

Tommy Simons - Earth:

"Earth materials are vital resources that provide the basic components for life, agriculture and industry. Earth materials can also include metals and precious rocks."

Tommy is outgoing,energetic and he isn't afraid to speak up and share his thoughts with others.A very openminded and positive guy.He always looks on the bright side of every situation he finds himself in.

He is down to earth.He doesn't believe in having dreams,he only believes and accepts things the way they are and how they are portrayed in his eyes.

People don't realize it but they are seriously underestimating Tommy.When you first see him you don't expect him to have good strategies and the ability of leadership like Techno clearly has.But that's the thing.One of the many things Tommy picks up while being in a friendship with the fire bender is experience.Techno will lazily teach the young earth bender how to protect himself and lead a team. Without Techno's guidance Tommy would have been in trouble countless times.So you could say that Techno is Tommy's mentor :)

He's a great mood booster!If there is awkward tension in a room or between others he will make it up by just being there and doing what Tommy does the best, brighten up the atmosphere!He will start random conversations and just try to get everyone else to do something fun like play a game or watch a movie.

Techno may help Tommy with things like self defense and how to establish dominance but the earth bender helps him with his potato farming!He will hurry up the process of their growth and make sure they are perfect before they are harvested.He keeps track of the amount of soil and vitamins the earth their roots grow in receives.

Speaking of Techno's and his relationship: The two of them are so close it's insane.They do everything with eachother!They train,upgrade their skills in bending and fighting,they go out to eat or have a drink,they go around town and fuck things up-the two of them are huge pranksters.Tommy always tries to prove himself infront of Techno and impress him in any way.Tommy loves spending time with Techno,the blond earth bender admires him in so many different ways- They don't have to be doing much together,it can be mindless talking or simply being in the same room.

Wilbur and Tommy are ehhh- special?On one side they are funny and entertaining together but on the other side they can be insulting eachother with such vulgarity that you could think they are about to commit murder any moment.Tommy talks so much shit about Wilbur.If you're dumb enough and actually choose to listen to him,he will ramble on about how Wilbur thinks he's so smart and good with the ladies- Yoo would think that after trash talking him that Tommy hates Wilbur's guts but it's the opposite!!If he catches you talking bad about Wilbur behind his back he will call Techno and they will hunt you down.

Tommy like everyone else sees Phil as his very caring and cool dad!Phil somehow always finds out about all the shit Tommy does and he gets scolded for it.Like most people,if Tommy ever has a problem he's dealing with or he's in a uncomfortable situation,Phil is the first person who crosses his mind and therefore the one he turns to.

The way Tommy goes around their town and picks fights with others is so stupid.At the end he comes home with bruises and wounds all over his skin.One time his best friend Toby brought him to Phil with a bloody nose and Phil's reaction was screeching-

He is extremely curious and stubborn.He doesn't really think before he acts and dives into unknown things he's not familiar with head first.Techno is the one who laughs at him and teases him about how clumsy he is.

Earth benders keep it real. They are the “grounded” people on the planet, the ones who bring us down to earth and remind us to start with a solid foundation. Slow and steady, these “builders” are loyal and stable, and stick by their people through hard times. On good days, they’re practical; at worst, they can be materialistic or too focused on the surface of things to dig into the depths.

Hope you enjoyed this au!!I am currently writing MULTIPLE stories and au's so bare with me guys!I don't like working fast becouse my work afterwards doesn't feel completed:( I hope all of you have a wonderful day/night <3 Love ya!!!

[theynevercalledmejennifer-blog]

Your strong is my weak

I found my way back to writing but it seems I can't really control the outcome. It is pouring out of me uncontrollably, especially in combination with alcohol so it happened what had to happen.

I texted my ex. Drunk, lonely, upset. I did not see it coming, I have not even thought about him on that boozy Sunday which escalated quickly. I danced, I laughed, I ate, I hugged, I played, I sang. But then, you have probably been there too... when you left the stage and the audience is gone, all on your own in the empty but really nice super king size bed, memories hit harder than most of us can handle. They are just there. From zero to 100. Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again.

And I nearly started my next sentence with "and you think..." but no, you don't think. You don't think and you don't estimate the outcome and you don't manipulate and you don't wonder what the reply would be, you just feel. You feel so intensely as if you have been some kind of Snow White chick sleeping in that coffin of glass and suppressed emotions for way too long so that you need to tell that person of desire right now in exact detail how you feel.

(Portentous break)

I was beating myself up the whole next day for it. I couldn't even look at my phone because every time I did it reminded me of what I have done. In my head I was naked ringing the bell walking along the village of my emotions and all the people screamed 'shame' like when that Queen in Game of Thrones got her head shaved for drunk texting her ex too. Infinite looping thoughts: Why have you done this? Why have you texted him when you managed for weeks to stay away, to do your thing, and live your life. Why do you not have the strength to sail through this gracefully? Where is your God damn pride?

But is holding in emotions a sign of pride? Is it really strength? I talked about this with my precious friend Annelie, who is a well know German spiritual blogger and kind of a specialist in relationships and she changed my way to look at this.

It is not a sign of weakness to text someone. Someone you clearly have feelings for. Someone you care about and someone who played a part in your life at one point. It is not a sign of weakness to care. Quite the opposite. It is strong and brave to decide to share your emotions with someone, especially knowing that there won't be a sugar coated, ever so sweet reply that let you fall asleep with a smile. No, you sent the text and there is a massive hole of nothing that is about to swallow you and all you can think is 'I can no longer bear the violence of your silences' but thankfully you are so drunk that you are passing out. Blessed be the booze.

The next morning you wake up and you are full of regrets and above mentioned doubts. But doubt no more, fear no more... the problem is not you, or me, or anyone who speaks from the heart. The problem is society and the fact that in our heads we are still separating 'strong' and 'weak'. What we define as weak is actually strong. And what we define as strong, is the actual weakness within us - if you need to differentiate the way of strong and weak at all.

If I turn this around and remember all the lovely men in my life I could not love back. Have I ever thought 'What a weak man!' When one of them texted me because they missed me? Not once. It made me sad, because I knew someone else was sad because of me. Sometimes it even made me happy because I missed them too and was utterly relieved that he was the brave one opening the door again so I could come back for another ride. Never have I ignored them or made them feel ashamed for their text.

So what to do if you spoke your mind and now feel ashamed or are made to feel ashamed? Try to send love. Try to send love to yourself and also send love their way and you will be surprised what is going to happen within you. After I did exactly that, sending huge amounts of love left, right and centre, I started asking myself what it would be like if we all would start telling each other how we really feel? And I don't mean particularly from lover to lover, or lover to ex lover, I mean all of us, universally spoken.

Why are we beating ourselves up so much when it happens to us? When we spoke our true mind, showed our true self?

Because we have a wrong-headed picture of expressing emotions in general and our personal, romantic emotions in particular. We are forcing ourselves constantly to contain and withhold feelings, pretending that we 'actually do not really care'and I believe that this is the biggest weakness of our society.

In my opinion, all the people who show their emotions openly, no matter what kind of emotion, no matter where and when, are the true strong ones. The brave ones. These are my heroes and not the ones who believe and make others believe that they have to play a role, that being aloof is achieving anything and decide to treat people with anything other than kindness and empathy.

So whatever you did this weekend or whenever in your life, if you drunk texted, if you called, if you've written a letter or sent roses, if you sang a song in front of someone's window or if you simply knocked on their door to check if they still love you too, don't blame yourself, don't blame others. Just take everything as it is. If you feel love, be grateful that you are able to feel love. If you feel sadness, understand where it is coming from. If you feel anger, go ahead and punch them in the face. Okay that was a joke, don't do that.

The trouble with love is, that fear and coldness look the same on the outside but are completely different emotions on the inside. So if one partner is scared shitless because of all the emotions that are suddenly bursting out of their little heart and they think 'Shit, this is getting a bit intense, where is the emergency exit? I am never the lucky one, he or she will leave me anyway so I better play it cool.' So you start being a bit aloof, take some time to text back, be busier than before and although you want to say something stupid like I love you because you just really felt like you actually love that person, you turn your back around and ask for a back stroke. And say nothing. And this is when it happens, this is when the dynamics change. This is how you change them. Because fear is one of the most powerful emotions and unfortunately, contagious. So your fear finds its way straight from your heart into their heart. And this is the downfall. Both of them confused, Black Eyed Peas playing in the back of relationship-head 'where is the love', yes man where is the bloody love? It was just here and now it is not anymore... And it all gets heavy and very very flat like an IPA or one of these weird ciders. If you don't start holding each other there and then, and talk about this odd gut feeling developing in possibly both of your insides, then I guarantee this and put a tenner on it, you both won't last long. You'll be back in single world subito and find yourself online dating.

And yes, Friday night dates are so easy to find, but secretly we are all looking for the cosy morning spoon. The messy hair, morning breath, sleepy eyes and rough voice Sunday morning closeness that covers you like a safety blanket and shuts out the outside world. Someone who wants to share the day. Someone who wants to share you. With you. And all of you, not just the amazing parts that even the people who do not like you at all do like, no I mean the uncomfortable, unpredictable part of you that no one really understands.

I tried to portion myself to make it easier for them to love me. But it did not work. All it does is bringing confusion. To the person by my side, but most importantly to myself. If you are losing yourself in the process of trying to be someone else, it is very hard to row back from this. The current is strong, the tide is high and if you are not reflective and conscious of your surroundings, you end up paddling around until you drown. Drowned in the pool of your lost authenticy. Sad. This sounds so sad because it is so sad.

My friend Rachel said to me the other day, I want you to write about something happy, write about the last time you were crazy happy and it did not have anything to do with a man or a relationship. I have of course several happy moments in my life, many of them in no relation to a member of the male population, but right now, in this state of my life, I can't. I can't write about happiness I felt before because right now I am not feeling it. I feel confusion, love, heartbreak, fear, anger and hope. A weird mix. I need to wait until this phase is over, until I stopped lashing out on instagram for attention as if the 174th selfie would change his mind and make him see me how I wanted him to see me. It is not real anyway. He saw me many times in bed in the morning so that ship has sailed a long time ago... Also, not everything I do is about him. A lot of it is, but not this.

When I started writing, I thought that I was writing for his attention. That I somehow hoped he would find his way to my blog, my written word and take the time to understand me in a way I was not able to show during our relationship. But that is also not true. I am writing for myself. I am writing because of the feeling I have afterwards.

Everything is structured. Everything is a bit more understandable, less painful, less heart wrenching. It creates hope and some sort of happiness within myself. Sad happiness, but happiness. It feels like after a heavy night out where you had too much to drink and you feel shit until this moment where you hug the loo to vomit your soul out, you cry and you swear and call for your mum (who hopefully does not live with you anymore because you are a grown up) and you hate every minute of it but when it is eventually done and all the toxic shit left your body, you are exhausted but relieved. You know it is over, you get yourself up from the floor with that disgusting mix of mascara and tears smeared all over your red face and shower it all off and start fresh. And this is how writing makes me feel.

And this is exactly what I am going to do. Start fresh. With all my emotions ready to burst out of my heart and mouth.

Fasten your seat belts, lovers.

[a-gay-bloodmage]

Can you do "ZAMBONI" for the letter asks? (And the prompt for Z could be like "first kiss" or something if you don't want to find one)(also sorry zamboni is long but I couldn't think of another word besides that one x))

Thank you so much for the asks! This got a really long, so I had to put it under a read more link! Anyway, thanks again! These were super fun to answer, like always~! 

((Also oh my god ZAMBONI was so fun to write god bless))

From this post!

A- Ships that you currently like a lot

ZevWarden and Morriana, totally. Of course ZevWarden, because like, of course I love Zevran and my Warden! And Morriana because of their in-game dynamic and THE DRESS IN INQUISITION GIVES ME MY QUEER L I F E

B- A pairing you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind

Morrigan x Warden. By someone, I kind of mean myself, because I was planning out my games, and was like shit I need to pair someone with Morrigan and thus, Orest was born and as he developed, I got into the ship!

I- Has Tumblr made you dislike any fandom?

Fucking VOLTRON, DUDE. I hate how fucking extra everyone is, and, controversial opinion here, the Shaladin ships disgust me. I’m not going to harass anyone over it, but I really don’t like them. But the other shippers are just as bad trying to pull out these “"receipts”“ and harassing the VAs. I follow some discourse-free blogs, which is nice, but still…

M- A character you’d like to have as a friend!

Leliana! Both of us have stuff in common, like our sexualities and our views on religion for the most part ^^ I think she’d be really nice to talk to and shop with!

N- Three things you want to see more of in your main fandom

I wish I saw more Morriana and Zevran x Human Mage! I see A LOT of Leliwarden and Zevran x Mahariel/Tabris/Surana, but not much Amell/Cousland fanart or fanfictions! Let my husband love some humans! ♡♡ (Does it count if I say I also want to see more notes on my fanfictions?)

O- Chose a song at random. What character or pairing does it remind you of?

Dear River by Kina Grannis SO reminds me of Zevran! Specifically, my Warden to Zevran, because of the lyrics. I, in terms of my Warden, really feel like the song is about Zevran, coming along and just sweeping him off his feet. And the feeling, in the beginning of their time together, felt so temporary I can’t help but really get emotional when I listen to it. Here’s a link to the music video~♡

Z- Fandom Ramble! (First Kiss!!)

Hope you don’t mind me taking your little prompt of “First Kiss” and writing some tiny ficlets for my Wardens! I went a little overboard with this… but I hope you appreciate this peek into my Wardens’ love lives ^^

Redren: Prudent was never something Redren considered himself to be. Born in a whorehouse and later raised by a girl with so little shame, he never thought he’d be so flustered. With how pretty he was, how he listened, how he complimented him. Did this elf have no shame? No anxiety? No desire to keep his head on his shoulders? So when the flirting started all but the moment after his life was spared, Redren hadn’t the faintest idea how to handle it. He caved, allowing for this Antivan massage, so obviously a trap, a way for him to face his own desires without saying yes with a clear head. But it didn’t turn out like that. Zevran, for it was in his very nature itself for him to do so, joked and flirted, but all but shied away from doing anything like Redren had assumed he would. So when it was over, his back and shoulders feeling better than they had in years, he hardly noticed the kiss that was planted on his cheek before Zevran slipped away into the dark. A blink was all it took for the pale skin feel as if it were set ablaze. His cheek was on fire because of something. Embarrassment? No, no he didn’t feel embarrassed. He couldn’t pin it, it was both frustrating and fulfilling. But whatever it was, he wanted to feel it again. And again. And again.

Faelyn: Nelaros! Nelaros was his name! Oh, Nelaros, Nelaros, Nelaros! Faelyn couldn’t contain her excitement. After so many years of waiting, waiting, waiting, her husband was finally chosen! From Highever, no less! The whole idea made her giddy, so excited she wore Shianni out not even ten minutes after getting the news, bouncing around and giggling and laughing. Nelaros! Maybe this all meant that father believed her capable, that she was smart enough to be a useful wife. So long she’d believed she wasn’t, so anxious, thinking that perhaps, yes, only perhaps, she’d be stuck cleaning taverns’ tables until she died. But now with Nelaros, oh how she loved to say his name, Nelaros, my Nelaros, she could have those babies like she dreamed of, a beautiful bride to be a glowing mother, to make the others see that I’m capable! I’m smart enough! My husband, he loves me! See, see, look! I can be what you all said I wasn’t enough to be! And she was so happy when she saw him, when he didn’t care about the way she sounded when she talked, when her teeth got in the way of her tongue, when she forgot what she was saying halfway though. She promised to be a good girl, to wait until wed to kiss him, for that was the rule of the weddings. She didn’t care, as long as she got her kiss in the end, with a little iron ring around her finger, slipped on by her beloved. But when she kissed him, oh how cold his lips were. The tears flowing down her cheeks weren’t the happy ones like she’d dreamed they’d be. The ring in his pocket felt ten times its weight, lead pulling her pretty little hand to the dirt. His lips, so cold, too cold. This corpse wasn’t her husband. It couldn’t be! It couldn’t be, it couldn’t be, it couldn’t be! Her dress, once so pretty, so white, now such an ugly colour, so red, so filthy. She had given this kiss to a corpse, a dead man on the floor, stained in the same ugly colour her hands were. Shianni, as much as she tried, couldn’t tear her grip from the corpse’s shirt. She was supposed to stay with this husband of hers. Till death do us part, how unfair when it came so soon. Oh, Nelaros, Nelaros, Nelaros.

Orest: What counted as a kiss? Was it when a brother or a sister says goodnight? Was it when a mother or a father wishes you luck on a hunt? Or was it something more, a feeling rather than an action? Because whatever a kiss was, it was happening right now. Tamlen’s mouth was on Orest’s mouth, and whoever had moved first was anyone’s guess. How taboo for two men, never to be bonded, to share such an experience. What did this mean? Nothing could come from this pair, no children to carry on the Dalish blood. But it felt good. So good, like a silent mouth had no right to be. Whatever he felt was addictive, Tamlen’s skin underneath his fingertips was a rush, something so foreign yet so familiar. Tamlen hummed into his lips, sending this rush down his abdomen, igniting this fire of lust. How anyone could resist this feeling was a mystery for the ages, how anyone could live in the darkness, not knowing the feeling of someone against their skin like he once had was unanswerable. So they kept it up, with Tamlen the first to pull back. A promise was made, to do this again, because whatever it was, perhaps love, perhaps just teenage play, it felt good. This experiment certainly required more study.

Andrea: She was expected to marry a man of equal stature to her, an Arl’s son, or some other nobleman. She minded not, of course, if it was what her family desired, she would learn to desire it as well. And how bad could one man be? Her family was what mattered, and if she had to add one member, and likely more with her future children, she would adapt and carry on. But that ended. That possibility, blown out like the brief candle life was. She grieved, and she cried, and she never moved on. But he made it easier. He was foolish, and a bastard, not her equal, but the longer she watched, she grew to realize he was so much more than her. He cared, and he listened, and he let her sleep alongside him as the sky cooled and the leaves changed. He was all she was not, and she began to wonder if, perhaps, she was falling. The realization hit her like a blunt sword; the blow wan’t fatal, yet it hurt, it made her whole being reel on impact. But she let herself be swept away by this bastard King, by Alistair. So when he cupped a large, gentle hand against her chin, she tilted her head upward, letting him connect their lips. How soft his lips were, contrasting so greatly to the scratching of his stubbled chin. She felt his hands trail downward, gripping her full hips, so improper, so unbecoming of a noble, yet she allowed him to pull her closer, armor clinking against armor. Because he wasn’t a noble, he was Alistair. And in that moment, she realized it didn’t matter. Nothing in this Blighted world did, and if that was so, she was going to kiss this bastard over and over again.

Hundir: For a prince, especially one of the Dwarven kingdom, feelings were so unnecessary. They made a man weak, clouded his head with nonsense, useless sentiment that only served to pull the rug out from underneath his feet. So when he started to grow so close with him, with that trusted soldier, of what he near dared address as a friend, it frightened him. He kept it hushed, feelings so useless, so unheard of. And it wasn’t until the door was closing did he regret it. He reached out, to grab the disgraced warrior’s beard, pulling him close, planting that kiss upon his lips. It was short, hardly a second before he was pulled away and the doors to the Deep Roads shut behind him. That feeling of another man’s lips upon his own was so strange, but it felt destined, like it was meant to happen, the Stone moving his feet to do it. His hands shook as he stepped forward into the darkness of the tunnels, the handle of his battleaxe gripped in his gloved hands all that kept him from turning back, to pound on the door, to scream let me out! Let me out! Gorim, please, let me go with him! Let me live upon the surface with my warrior, please! Honor be damned, he didn’t care. But he moved forward, desperate to find these Wardens, to go with them, to find his warrior on the surface.