#i couldn't find it anywhere even tho i remember posting it

[ramen8008]

Give me Percy asking his mom if he can invite some of his orphan friends for the holidays. She says yes of course so he does. He invites Leo, Hazel, and Frank. And though Sally knows of them this is the first time she meets them.

So she opens to see this kid wearing nice clothes as if they are just wrong. His hair made as he continuously resists the urge to run his hands through it. He's shorter than she imagined. He's also too skinny. And it turns out he's Leo Valdez, the kid who can summon fire, who built not only a giant mechanical dragon but also the flying ship they travelled thousands of miles on past multiple oceans and monsters. The kid who Hera and Gaia presented themselves to as a kid, the kid who's the only one in centuries to possess the power he does only for it to be one that was a reminder of what killed his mom. And he's in her front door, a too skinny, fidgeting kid with a small gift bag.

Then it's Hazel and Frank (and Nico but she's mostly used to him). The girl who came back from the dead, the one who can bring out cursed jewels from the Earth, who was a black girl alive at the time of World War, and here she is. And she's this adorable kid who's well dressed and presented who calls Sally "Ma'am" and thanks her.

And then Frank who can turn into any animal in existence, the one who killed a titan while he was turned into a bear, the one who's a master archer, the one who's the son of ARES. And he's this pudgy yet buff adorable kid who seems awkward and gives her a small thanks as he hands her a cake box.

All this and she's amazed because although she knows, seeing them like this just reminded her that they're just kids.

Anyways they have a nice dinner, Paul plays games with them, Hazel has a sailor's mouth when she's playing card games, Frank has a horrible poker face so he just turns into a reptile or something to hide his face, Leo is always trying to cheat but never admits it, ( he makes a little robot to freak Paul out so he can change his dice).

Nico ALWAYS wins in card games except uno in which he loses horribly each and every time.

They all compete to wash the dishes and help Sally but she tells them no and to Percy's disappointment tells him to clean the dishes. Which he does, by controlling the water. And they lose it. They try not to show but they can't believe that Percy Jackson, the one who has defeated Kronos, who went through Tartarus, who fought Ares when he was 12, rejected immortality, and so much more. And here he is washing dishes for his mom while pouting about it.

[mxbo]

I couldn't fit the tutorial on a reply lmao, here's a full post explaining my process :]]

STAMP TUTORIAL (TF2 edition, but works for everything)

99% of the process is done on the website ezgif. Ezgif carries the stamp-making process lmao

1. Get your GIF

Tenor: Ok place to grab your GIFs. Average quality of the GIFs is good enough, and looks ok when resized to the size of the stamp. You'll find like 1 normal GIF every 4 buff characters GIF tho.

GIPHY: Average quality of the GIF is better (I don't think the web compresses the GIFs that are uploaded)… If you find what you're looking for. You'll have to SCROLL before finding what you're looking for because there are always non-related GIFs on the top of your searches or the same GIF multiple times, it's crazy.

makeagif: You will find cool GIFs, but the quality is pretty low (I think the web itself compresses the GIFs a lot). It looks bad even when resized down. And it has a watermark, which I recommend cropping because it's not even visible when resized, it just looks like a gray blob on the corner.

Google: Best option by far, quality is pretty good and the ratio of “things I was looking for/things I actually find” is SLIGHTLY in favor of “things I was looking for” (and most of “things I actually find” are just the characters rotating, not NSFW, so that's only a nice change from Tenor). You won't have to scroll much to see different and interesting GIFs. JUST REMEMBER TO FILTER BY GIFS.

You search whatever > Images > Tools > Type > GIF

Make it on your own: Aka, you download your video, go to ezgif's “Video to GIF” (then you can crop it, CUT IT. THIS IS IMPORTANT, YOU DON'T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE ELSE TO CUT YOUR CLIP, YOU CAN DO IT ON EZGIF ITSELF). Ok, I lied, it wasn't Google, this is the best oftion by far. You get exactly what you want, the best quality if you don't compress it much until after the GIF has been resized into the size of a stamp… It's just super time-consuming, and you'll have to spend like an entire hour just watching a video to find the clips.

OK, I HAVE MY GIF NOW

Hehe, his legs go pipupipu

2. Resize

Go to ezgif, this is where the fun begins (if you weren't on ezgif already). You download your GIF, or copy the link and insert it, or you'll have it there if you made it yourself.

A STAMP MAKES 99px × 56px

THE INNER PART OF THE STAMP MAKES 91px × 47px

I RECOMMEND MAKING YOUR GIF 92px × 48px

BTW, THESE MEASURES ARE FOR THE TEMPLATE I'LL GIVE YOU LATER. If you use another template, just go to an image editor and see what the inner size of the stamp is.

So, you set your GIF's width to 92px.

Then crop it, so your height is 48px.

Or you can resize it so it's directly 92px × 48px, but the crop will be in the center, and SOMETIMES YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

For example:

It's a vertical GIF whose area of interest is not in the center, so if we resize it directly-

oops-

ANYWAY

Once you have your GIF resized:

IMPORTANT: BEFORE THE NEXT STEP, REMEMBER TO CONVERT TO GIF IF THE FILE YOU'RE WORKING ON ISN'T A GIF ALREADY

Sometimes you'll be working with a webp without even noticing (EW, I hate webp) and transparencies don't work particularly well with that extension.

3. Overlay

Click on this icon.

Ok, now that that's fixed:

Extend the size of the canvas.

Select your template and Upload image!

This is the template, btw.

Then move the overlay around until it contains the GIF nicely, or just set Left to 43, Top to 20 and Generate image! (I have these numbers memorized, it saves you like 20 seconds lmao)

Also, again, these numbers work on MY template, if you use another one, you'll have to figure it out yourself.

4. Crop

THIS OPTION IS A TIME-SAVER FR

5. Optimize (optional, highly recommend)

I always set my optimization method to Lossy GIF and level 10 because I find that there is no quality loss, and the file size might drop by 30%-70% (actually crazy). These percentages don't change much in higher compressions, even though you'll start seeing a drop in quality around level 35 of compression (the default).

6. Save

YIPPE!!! Your stamp is done :D

You can save it and look at it and place it on your profile or website.

Here it is btw, in case someone wanted it :]] The Sniper GIF but correctly cropped and made into a stamp as well.

Now do that another… eleven times, and you'll have a stamp pack to make into a Tumblr post... Oof TT

There's no website that lets you make stamps faster lmao (I wish)

@sir-broken-bones (I'm @ them so they actually see it, I made this tutorial for them after all lol)

[johnslittlespoon]

20 questions for writers

thank you @triggerlil for the tag!! <3 i'm so late omg but this was FUN, first tag game i've done that's more author than writing snippet/drabble related :-)

tagging @air-exec, @counting0nit, @don-humes-tiny-shorts, @eternallytired17, @hauntingcontradiction

@nicijones, @bucking-mustangs-with-wings, @swifty-fox, @mangokittokatsu, anyone else who wants to! i love reading tag games like these, it's nice to learn more about the ppl behind all the brainrot :')

questions & answers below the cut! x

how many works do you have on ao3?

12!

what's your total ao3 word count? 50,182 wtf i only made my ao3 in january lol

what fandoms do you write for?

i've written for lotssss over the past decade, but my current ao3 is just saltburn and masters of the air fics :-) for the sake of this tag i'm just gonna stick to my mota fics in my answers tho since yk. mota blog lol

top 5 fics by kudos?

i don't wanna be alone tonight – buckbucky breathe me in (exhale slow) – buckbucky you're a dog (i'm your man) – buckbucky you put your arms around me (and i'm home) – buckbucky four–by–four – buckbucky

do you respond to comments?

every single one <33 i take a long while sometimes because i get too lost in the actual writing or i get overwhelmed by the kindness lol but i always always respond eventually :')

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

definitely i see you in the daytime (i hear you at night), my first fic for masters of the air actually that spawned as a way to vent my feelings after the dreaded third episode lmaoo </3 thought that would get those boys out of my system, and i couldn't be happier to have been more wrong <3

what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ruh roh this kinda made me realize all my fics have some sorta melancholy/bittersweet ending even when they're hopeful... yad(iym) is gonna fix me fr (i think). but i guess the fuse to my fire since curt lives and the three of them are curtbuckbuckying indefinitely <3

do you get hate on fics?

i have in past fandoms but not here thankfully bc i am sensitive LOL. i've had weirdo anons that bitch about john bottoming (and i don't think those people realize it makes me inclined to write even more sub and/or bottom john to be petty SJGDK) but i wouldn't consider that hate, just bad fandom etiquette ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

do you write smut?

YEAHHH BABY <3 that's like. 99% of my drabbles/brainrot posts here and it takes serious self control to not just constantly write pwp oneshots, it's too much fun!! finding the balance in my chaptered fic for how much nsfw is too much is such a journey too lol, i wanna cram a spicy scene into every chapter but the part of me that adores slowburn over any other trope reins the gay brain in </3

craziest crossover?

haven't written any as of yet, but i do have my leaving!bikeriders au that i'm hoping to turn into a chaptered fic this summer, and that's exactly what it sounds like– buckbucky, but yank parts of callum's character from the leaving series and parts of austin's character from the bikeriders to create a buckbucky modern au. :-)

have you ever had a fic stolen?

i'm sure back in the wattpad days of the early '10s lol but none that i specifically remember!

have you ever had a fic translated?

in past fandoms!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

perhaps @curtsbigspoon and i cooked up like. 15k words of buckbucky thigh fucking etc months ago that i just need to get around to cutting down/editing >:-)

all time favorite ship?

i mean for me it's always a ship from whatever media i'm fixating on, so right now any variations of curtbuckbucky and cattonquick are everything to me <3 but in terms of ships that'll always have my heart, i can't ever let go of drarry, pricefield, clexa/murphamy, sciles/sterek– any from media i consumed during formative teenage years lol. but i will say i have never created anywhere near as much content for any other fandom as i have for mota :')

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

for once i actually have none that i see myself abandoning! i would notoriously abandon wips in past fandoms and probably would still, but guess who finally got on adhd meds last month after years of waiting? this guyyyy. i can start projects... and enjoy them the whole way through... and not get frustrated and trash them... who am i

i mean tbf i have at least a dozen wips that i've gotten either a few paras or few thousand words into lol but then a new shiny idea grabs my attention, but i do think i'll end up finishing most if not all of them off eventually! once i've invested enough time/words into a wip, i feel way more motivated to finish it so i'm not 'wasting' my efforts.

what are your writing strengths?

i feel most confident when i'm writing dialogue over anything else. writing conversation–heavy scenes or just straight up porn is when i overthink the least lmaoo

what are your writing weaknesses?

oh god, definitely having to spell out what's going on in a character's mind. like, i know what they're thinking as i'm writing out scenes; i can feel their emotions and all. i just have such a hard time putting it into words in a way that doesn't feel too obvious/overstated, if that makes sense. i very much prefer to show rather than tell their emotions, but sometimes it's hard to get that right, and i agonize over solo scenes the most, when i can't show what a character is feeling by way of verbal conversation with another character.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

no specific opinion! sometimes it's cool to read/write, mostly i don't really have an opinion one way or another :-)

first fandom you wrote in?

lmfaooo i'm pretty sure it was either for olddd youtube ships or frerard ngl. not sure which came first bc i wrote so much at once

favorite fic you've written?

you're a dog (i'm your man) has been such a labour of love for me because i care so much about doing it justice :') so maybe that one, but if unfinished fics don't count, i actually wrote breathe me in (exhale slow) in one rushed four–ish hour sitting and was kinda neutral on it until i got a completely unexpected burst of kind and beautifully worded responses, and then i felt a tiny bit proud <3

[kindheartedgummybears]

ok well while I beta-read my own fic, I have the sudden urge to make a post about all of my scraped/put away/shared TDIM aus with my siblings! because I wanna talk about them💃

Vampire!Erin AU I wasn't able to find a way to set off

Werewolf x Werewolf Jerin AU I played with for a moment before scraping.

Night in The Woods AU me and my sister(@screamwhore hiii👋👋) played with after she beat the game that I currently have sitting in the deep freezer waiting to be thawed out.

Marble Hornets AU me and my sibling(@everglowingstars also hiii👋👋) made while watching the series back in March(?) I believe. We haven't talked about it in a minute though🤔

Ghostface!Jerin AU I played with a little before scraping/putting away, I'm not quite sure which one😅

The Ghost Rider!Erin AU I ACTUALLY BRAINSTORMED AFTER THE DREAM. It didn't really go anywhere though😔

The Demon!Erin AU I ALSO brainstormed after the initial dream, I currently have that one also in the deep freezer for now.

Werewolf!Kate AU I came up with and ultimately scraped, but that was before I knew ANYTHING about TDIM so it may or may not make a comeback one day.

Ride The Cyclone AU That rides into my brain again every once in a while, it's a dumb AU and it's a musical fic for god's sake so😭 but it is also oddly in character for the Lonnit crew so, for now, I just have it put away.

IDK what to even call this AU the plot was Du'met killed the crew and then made their body into little murder robots that run around. IDK💀 it's scraped though but it's still interesting. I also think I played with the idea of their souls still being trapped in their body they just couldn't really do anything but watch.

Grave Encounters AU I have no idea what I'm doing with💀 The Lonnit crew is just so Grave Encounters coded tho like you can not tell me Charlie wouldn't get them stuck in something like that💀💀

Spiderman!Lonnit Crew (minus Charlie) AU that kind of just spiraled into a SMG spiderverse AU? idk it's scraped tho☹️☹️ But it sort of lives on in the Deadpool x Spiderman Jerin au!!!

Speaking of Superheros, Superhero!Lonnit Crew au that never got anywhere :(

a Fantasy AU that is actually for the ENTIRE SMG game series(UD, HA, TI, TQ, TDP, etc.) That I've been working on for the LONGEST of time now that still has a lot of work to be done.

I think I thought about a Pokemon AU like, right at the beginning of my hyperfixation but it didn't go anywhere sadly😔 andddd yeah that's pretty much it, at least from what I can remember from the top of my head. Yeah, this little brain of mine pumps out AU in mass LMAOOOOO If you guys have any questions about any of them, like character casting or plots or whatever I'm 100% open to talk!! I FREAKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY AUS RAHHHHH🦅🦅🦅🦅

[druizard]

What's Aislyn and Gale's epilogue situation (Waterdeep, adventurers, etc)? How does Aislyn feel about it?

Similar question for Beetle and Rolan - what's their life like post-game?

Ooh, thank you for these questions!! Both couples have a happy ending, so its always fun to talk and write about this subject!!

Aislyn-

If I am being completely honest, I had a lot of hesitations about moving to Waterdeep at first. I grew up deep in the heart of a forest, shut away from the world, until I left to attend bard college. But when he told me he would follow me anywhere I wanted to go, I had no idea where that would even be! After seeing all the amazing things Faerûn has to offer, how could I return to the Dales? Plus, with Gale's sweet mother living in Waterdeep, it only seemed right to make the City of Splendors our home. We needed a place to return to between our expeditions after all!

We only took about a month off to get me settled into the tower and relax before setting off to sniff out adventure! Living in Waterdeep, we didn't have to look very far to find leads on potential expeditions. He and I spent a few years exploring Faerûn before finally getting married and settling into a more domestic lifestyle. After so long on the road, it was actually really nice to have a comfortable place to call home again.

Gale and I were elated when Blackstaff hired him as a professor! I struggled to find work in the city for a while, but Gale eventually convinced the Academy board to hire me as their professor of Druidic studies. It has been so wonderful to see how learning about the natural weave helps young wizards to understand their own magic and how important it is that we protect the wilds.

Of course, it's hard to live in such an unnatural place as a city. But having a wizard for a husband means that I never have to miss the forest for long. On rough nights after work, Gale will conjure up a natural landscape in our home, just like he did the night he confessed his love to me. If time allows it, he will offer to teleport us to the Dales for the weekend or holiday to spend time with my family and explore the deep forest together. I couldn't be happier with my new life as Mrs. Dekarios. 💞

Beetle-

I don't remember the last time I was this comfortable. Ever since I can remember, my life has been moving from one place to another, being a target anywhere I go and living in squalor or no where at all. Baldur's Gate isn't free of racism and hatred, but it's nothing like Elturel.

Ramazith's Tower is... gargantuan, to say the least! There is plenty of room for Cal, Lia, Rolan and I to have our own space and then some. Many of the Elturian tieflings who ventured here with us have been staying in the tower as well! Most of them only stay until they find work and homes of their own, but the tower has plenty of room for them to stay as long as they need to. If I had my way, none of them would ever leave.

Rolan has been so accommodating and has allowed me to open an elemental temple on the ground floor of Ramazith's Tower! It is open to anyone looking to hone their Ki and align themselves with the forces of creation and the four elements. Part of why I do this is for my fallen mentor, Wren, who died after fleeing Elturel. We have an altar set up in her honor in the back of the temple and I am honored to carry on in her footsteps, guiding our fellow monks on their elemental journey.

As far as our relationship goes, Rolan and I are a stronger couple than ever before. We have been so busy since taking the tower and Sorcerous Sundries, but we always manage to find time for each other. Even if that's just sitting on the balcony and indulging ourselves in each other's bodies or laying in bed all night talking.

I always thought I would have to be the one to ask him but on one particularly beautiful night, above the clouds, overlooking the city on our balcony, he finally asked me to marry him... But that's a story for another time! 😉

Got a question for Aislyn or Beetle? Send us an ask!! I'll send you one back for your Tav (as long as you're not anon!)

[marylairre]

Hey I just wanted to let you know that adding the disclaimer to the poll wasn’t a call out or a personal attack or anything, what you said was valid I just didn’t want to be the cause of anyone potentially purchasing something that could be unsafe without making them aware, you know. I’d feel awful about it. Thank you for the info tho and tbh I’m kinda jealous. I would love to own a Muggan lol <3

Hey, no worries about it! I don't really look at anything online as a personal attack unless it is genuinely aggressive and aimed at me personally. Adding a disclaimer to a post that is yours originally is also completely fine, it is your post, do whatever you want with it ^^

Reason I removed my reblog/comment is because I don't want to get caught up in discourse, which might occur. It wouldn't be the first time and I pretty much broke my personal rule of don't be a know it all online in commenting, which I didn't much fancy. Personal choice, I wasn't mad at you, promise.

As for the mugs... I personally feel like the lead paint thing has kind of been blown out of proportion by the internet, almost like a meme. I understand the concern but as far as I am aware, the mugs are fine to use. From what I remember of the brief period I followed a study involving ceramics is that the lead of the paint when fired right gets absorbed by/baked into the clay and the glaze seals it off, basically. Only if you properly damage the glaze could you potentially inhale lead when drinking from it. And even then, that is a calculated risk with mass manufactured processes, as the amount of lead is so small you'll need to be really unlucky to get poisoning from it. Again, this is a mass manufactured set of mugs licensed by the BBC. I couldn't decipher the exact dates of release but most websites that list them are from 2013. Rules on lead paint use were already much stricter by then. I doubt the BBC would have gotten away with selling these en-masse if there was a genuine health risk involved. I've also never seen a report anywhere of anyone having suffered serious health consequences as a result of using one of these. If it had happened, we would likely have heard of such a thing by now. If there has been an incident I missed it and was unable to find anything on it, I wouldn't mind hearing it (genuinely).

Though, all that aside, I can more than understand people wanting to be careful with them, especially as awareness around these topics has grown over the years. To each their own. If it doesn't feel safe or you have doubts, just don't use them.

Anyway, if you want one even if just for decoration, some shops still sell them. I got mine from TheWhoShop when I visited them. They ship out, but don't have their entire catalogue online as it literally is too much to list. You could always shoot them a message if you're curious. Their response time is ridiculously fast on most days and the staff is very kind. I've been a happy customer of theirs for several years now.

[elshells]

Happy STS!

Today I’m asking for an anecdote related to your writing - sad, or silly, or sweet, whatever first comes to mind.👀

Happy STS! <3

An anecdote, you say? Well, the first one that came to mind is not super happy, but at least it has a good (or at least hopeful) ending! It actually has to do with how I ended up on Tumblr! It was kind of a butterfly effect.

This ended up being a bit longer than an 'anecdote,' because I can never be concise, so TLDR: After dealing with some shady shit on Wattpad, including but not limited to having my work plagiarized, I decided to branch out and meet more writers. My sister recommended I get a Tumblr, and about a year later, I finally got around to making an account, and now here I am!

Full story below the cut!

The first place I started sharing my writing was Wattpad, and for about five years that was the only site I used. I'd found a community I could be happy with, and even though a lot of us lost touch because of COVID, we would still read and comment on each others' works.

But then, I was smacked in the face with my worst nightmare—my writing was plagiarized.

I don't know if you're familiar with the site NovelHD (I think it's called NovelWW now? I haven't been able to find it tho). If not, it's a mirror site that has a similar layout to any other reader website, except pretty much all of their stories were stolen blatantly off from Wattpad authors. And I was one of the authors affected!

I found out after two of my friends on Wattpad made separate messages warning people about this website because both of their works had been stolen. So I went to take a look, and lo and behold, I discovered that they had copied both EMBR of the Earth and Agent Ace (Encore didn't exist yet). And y'all, they weren't subtle. They listed my Wattpad username as the author's name, used the same covers, and copied my blurbs and chapters word-for-word. They even included the disclaimer I added that basically said: "I only post on Wattpad. If you're reading this anywhere else, my work has been pirated." Even though I cried a lot when this happened, I actually started laughing when I read that. They were so fucking blatant and lazy with their plagiarism that it ended up being kinda funny.

I reached out to Wattpad and explained to them what had happened, and they responded basically saying that since the plagiarism hadn't occurred on their website, there wasn't anything they could do except encourage me to contact NovelHD directly.

Fine. It's frustrating to hear, but I get it. I filled out a DMCA form and emailed them, and then just... never heard back. Go figure. The people who cared about solving the issue couldn't do anything about it, and the people who could do something to solve it didn't care. And meanwhile, I was stuck in the middle of it all with a bunch of other unfortunate writers.

The extra little kicker came when one of the two friends I mentioned above messaged me and told me she managed to get through to NovelHD and get her stories removed from her site. The process had more complicated steps, but she told me that it had worked for her and a few of her other writer friends who were affected. So, I tried exactly what she told me to do (I don't remember all the details). Still, nothing.

It's then that I realized that my friend, and all of her other writer friends that got their works removed, were Wattpad Stars (which is basically the Wattpad equivalent of getting verified on Twitter). I was/am not a Wattpad Star.

So, the people who had a bigger influence on Wattpad were listened to, while those who didn't have a strong presence were ignored because we were less of a legal threat. I see how it is.

That was all about two years ago (circa 2020-2021). Wattpad has since made some questionable choices, which I could talk about more, but since this post is already way longer than it needs to be (oops, sorry), I'mma try and wrap up. I wanted to keep my relationships on Wattpad, but I also wanted to try and expand my writing to other platforms. My sister (who's also a writer) suggested I try Tumblr. I'd been enjoying screenshots of Tumblr posts vicariously off of Pinterest, so I knew it was my kind of place to be. After procrastinating on it for a year, I finally made an account earlier this year! And now I'm here, talking to y'all! Except it's getting late and I've got to get to bed sometime 😅 Regardless, thanks for being so accepting, and remember, if someone plagiarizes your stuff, don't let it get you down. They're the ones that fucked up, not you 💕

If you read the whole thing and made it this far, 1) sorry, 2) congratulations, and 3) thank you so much!!

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Which brushes do you use for CSP 😳??

oh i always dreaded this question lmao-

ill be honest and clear cut with yall~

✨I have no idea✨

//wHEEze-

ok lemme explain, [tho if you dont wanna read all this just skip to the images in the end that i posted of my dumb self made and modified brushes] i have always used different mediums in my art~ ive used SAI, Gimp 2, CSP and occasionally Photoshop for the effects, filters and some brushes~ and i almost never remember where i downloaded them from because, first off, they were free anyway and i also almost always change them to fit my style beyond recognition to how they originally looked by default XDDD

MOST of my work is usually with SAI with almost the only brush i use in general for everything [ Inking, Coloring the edges, Shading, Lighting, and most other hand drawn shapes and hatching and etc ] is used with these settings. i never change it because i had years of experimenting to finally be comfortable with these and i will die a painful death if anything happens to my laptop before i could save these settings so i keep it in my art files just in case lmao~ [i do NOT like change and trying new stuff is2g i need therapy-]

HOWEVER when it comes to CSP i have had..... very depressing progress yay :D ... SAI in my experience has been a bit sucky in being able to handle large sizes and layers or anything else and having the possibility of crashing but the way it makes some things easy has been a MIRACLE for my lazy ass, i might have given up art before i ever even started if SAI didn't exist, but as how all EASY things usually are they start lacking in variety after a while, and i realized since one of my friends had bought me a CSP a long time ago, heck i might as well use it and oh my GOD the anxiety it induced ended me up with an IV and several trips to the hospital for injections to calm me down [and potentially temporarily blinding me] im not even joking. i mean yeah i was going through stuff back then that did NOT help my situation in general but the fact that CSP doubled my anxiety cuz i just couldn't draw with it made me have several existential breakdowns where i thought i will never be able to improve my art as a self proclaimed artist anymore because i had gotten so used to only working with what i found PERFECTLY comfortable to my own tastes that im just useless at getting used to anything else... so what happened was that i went on the most violent weekly spree of downloading any brush i could that even resembled REMOTELY to what i wanted- i also searched for brushes on tumblr or google or anywhere else- i watched so many CSP transition videos on youtube my brain was spinning and i was on a rout of self destructive agony to make this WORK. so now i have a bajillion downloaded brushes and all of them have spawned 20 other copies that i have aggressively modified beyond any sort of resemblance to what they used to be- it doesn't help that the file names and the brush names are different so i cant search for them either 😑

but if the brush names could help you in finding them uhhh, heres like.... 1/10th of the brushes i downloaded and modified that i actually did NOT go back and delete because they are fun to have around XD

have fun, //goes to cry in a corner-

[setsuntamew]

highlights from our road trip to NYC and back to help a friend move

telling our waitress at Waffle House about Trigun because I brought a volume of the manga into the restaurant and she was like oh, I usually just watch anime but is that manga any good?

why the fuck are half the rest stops on the NJ turnpike closed right now????

going to Brooklyn for the Uhaul and forgetting to play Brooklyn Rage despite discussing it multiple times over the past week

trying to find parking in Hells Kitchen for said Uhaul

giving up and just illegally parking it because fuck it, we aren't going to be leaving it unattended anyway

sorta planning to caravan because Liz + Pat were in the Uhaul and I was in my car with Chi + her dog, but those plans pretty much immediately fell apart

me bemoaning not having time to go to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery, aka the worst, most pretentious sbux I've ever been to, because my keychain from it broke. not five minutes later we drove past it by accident BUT THERE WAS NOWHERE TO PULL OVER and Chi was like "lol oh well" at my suffering.

part two of sbux: a truck pulled out, leaving the perfect space for me to park in and run inside for a new, terrible keychain.

part three of sbux: THEY DON'T SELL FUCKING KEYCHAINS ANYMORE MY LIFE IS A MOCKERY

getting a huge pizza + garlic knots before leaving NYC because 1) IT'S NYC and 2) there's no good pizza in Baltimore I gotta take what I can get

meeting up at the Alexander Hamilton rest stop - cue Liz singing from Hamilton - to eat said pizza because it was impossible to find anywhere to park and chill in NYC

"What if we kissed at the New Jersey turnpike rest stop..."

"...and we were both Plants?"

me and Liz being cringe, much to everyone else's dismay

seriously tho why the fuck are half the NJ turnpike rest stops closed right now

Chi's dog experiencing grass for the first time (at a NJ turnpike rest stop) and liking it

Chi's dog experiencing being in a car for the first time and NOT liking it

Liz being apparently too damn efficient at driving and somehow overtaking me despite being in a Uhaul

subjecting Chi to many of my Trigun opinions because she was stuck in a car with me for four hours and I have can't shut the fuck up disease

"You bring out the worst in me (affectionate)."

Chi @ me, tho I can't even remember why now XD

calling each other's vehicles multiple times throughout the trip to yell about passing each other on the road and/or whatever other dumb thoughts we all had that couldn't be contained to just one car

SIX FUCKING DOLLARS for vending machine offbrand dippin dots

Chi's dog experiencing yards for the first time and not wanting to leave the yard to go inside our house

Ethyl being the peace bringer and somehow calming down Chi's dog and Lumos and helping them meet

AAAAAND that's it, or at least all I can handle right now because I'm so damn tired I wanna pass out. sorry not sorry for my longass post; it's spring break day one for me ;D

[kenshisthoughts]

Tumblr, Has a culture.

So I've been on tumblr for, a long time now. Prior to the great (And failed) NSFW Purge (That did nothing but get rid of legit NSFW artists and left the bots cause seriously 99% of my attempted followers all had links to 'dating' sights) This was my secondary account and i deleted and remade the account. So I've been around for awhile. Now Tumblr's culture took a bit of a hit during the great purge, not because our culture was the NSFW stuff (Though it did make up a not insignificant sub-culture) but due to all the non-NSFW accounts that left out of protest for this behavior. However Over the years I've seen a lot of tumblr videos and in the more recent years I have been watching a lot of P.M. Seymour Va, and Bettina Levy. Something I've realized from them more recently is an Odd phenomenon, Something that Only became more clear with all the recent Twitter nonsense. Tumblr, May be the only Social media with something resembling a culture.

Now obviously some joker is going to say "Yeah, a Bacterial culture." Because the internet is full of unoriginal ideas that get passed off as 'hilarious' to people with either an underdeveloped sense of social experience or an overdeveloped sense of self importance. Now what is it that gives me this concept of a Culture? Well there is simply a concept that I cannot find anywhere else that I know of. Heritage posts. Tumblr is the only site that I can think of where one can occasionally find and reblog a post from the forever ago era. Now some of you might say "well you can do that on-X site" Yes, there are other places You technically can do this, but do you? Does anyone? Twitter does not seem to do this, it isn't as if a tweet can't be brought back, infact many of twitters most stupid moments have been caused by someones X-year old tweets being dragged up from the muck of their past to be used as gotcha cards or justification of enragement devices. It is never a case of "omg i remember this thing from forever ago remember when twitter was only X years old?" Reddit? Reddit is literally a sub-culture coalescence machine. Usually posts that become nostalgic in some manner tend to do so by breaking away from Reddit and reaching youtube, twitter, and/or tumblr at some point, but it also doesn't just come up On reddit cause reddit keeps it's groups separate so any seriously nostalgic post that survives might come back in that specific sub-reddit but it isn't going to invoke nostalgia in the sites very bones. 4-Chan? Well They also seem pretty separated, sure there's overlap but the different boards are practically separate sites at times, plus Most things nostalgic on 4-chan end up being invoked as nostalgia on other site, mostly youtube, but on 4-chan? Honestly it's hard to say.

On Tumblr tho? "You like the color of the sky okay, which one?" "Flesh cloud ready to help you with your art!" The names Pukicho, Gaud, Sixpencee, and even P.M. Seymour Themselves. Tumblr has posts, and names, that are near universal, which is super rare on a social media site, which much like actual social groups has those who only interact with their own. It's so wild to consider that this is a thing that has happened on a Social media site, but even before the purge some of this was true. Tumblr had a wider amount of people touched by key posts then any other social media site. Infact It was something brought up in a recent video that Twitter for all it's power on social media has considerably less accounts then you would think. Even if no accounts where bot accounts it actually stands at fewer accounts then Tumblr let alone facebook and Reddit.

And yet, Noone would ever say twitter has a unified culture. Atleast not in good faith sense calling 'Outrage culture' a thing is an insult to the concept of culture and ignoring the fact that a lot of twitter users are just artists trying to art. You couldn't really accuse reddit of having a unified culture or facebook. Maybe you could accuse 4-chan of having a culture, but that would probably be a very negative one given what 4-chan became infamous for.

I think in a way Tumblr really has become something the other sites aren't, and in a way that noone could of expected. I'm sure other users could add their own experiences or examples of culturel heritage posts that tumblr has that I simply couldn't remember or put a real name to when writing this.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

Don't forget! Inklings story in word press 😘

Thank you darling! Here we go! @inklings-challenge I know this isn't technically quite the challenge itself, but it's connected, and it talks about nature, and it's a prequel to my actual inklings challenge entry which I still need to edit so I can post the first scene.

I wrote this during October, but couldn't share it anywhere until the competition I wrote it for was done (it was commended!! I have a nice ceramic mug now :D).

an Inklings Prequel (untitled, suggestions for title are welcome)

Part One: Spring

It was spring, and the frost had melted from the plants, the last snow sliding off branches and tumbling into muddy drifts that warmed and turned to mush. Through the ground new shoots, fresh and green, pushed in their narrow, fragile endeavours. Many of them were crushed by the feet of workers, trudging to and from their homes, completely uncaring of the young abundant growth at their feet.

There was one in the crowd who sidestepped every tender shoot with a care that would seem inordinate to anyone else; but that was just the way she was. Her name was Hadassah, and spring was her least favourite season.

It was so full of change and growth that sometimes it left her dizzy and struggling to catch up with life, like an enormous wave that broke over her while others felt it only as a gentle swell. However, that did not mean that Hadassah was willing to punish the innocent grasses.

Some of them might turn out to be beautiful.

Part Two: Summer

It was summer, and some of the grasses had been crushed and flattened for good, dying brown stalks broken and torn from their moorings. Hadassah was the only one who took the time, while there was nobody else around, to sweep up the trampled grass and deposit it in the great firepit in the centre of town. Nobody ever remarked on it, but it did not stop her.

Occasionally there were fire warnings, and then Hadassah could feel the satisfaction of a job well done, for dry grass was not wanted on such hot days.

Some days she walked to and from work hiding her face with both hands, for it was bright enough to cause her actual anguish, and heat radiated off the ground at her feet and off the bodies of those who walked nearby. Hadassah longed for the darkness of her cloak, but it was too heavy, too hot for the painful temperature. Every so often she fainted, and they tossed cold water into her face and told her to get up again.

Part Three: Autumn

It was autumn, and the scorching heat had faded and left only lingering warmth, the grass dying off as everywhere cooled. The world burned in shades of red and gold and yellowing green, and the leaves were falling into great drifts that privileged seasonal workers swept up and tossed into the firepit. Hadassah welcomed the cessation of unbearable heat, and occasionally paused on her measured, consistent journey to close her eyes and feel the wind on her face. It was still too warm for her cloak, most days, but occasionally she picked it up and pulled it round her, just to feel its comforting embrace, and remember that winter was coming.

She had always found it a strange, restless time of year, a great upheaval as trees shed their painstakingly-grown leaves and animals prepared for winter. There was a great sense of change and difference. Even the smell of the air was different, and a little moist.

Hadassah did not like change, and it was autumn that was her second least favourite season. All the same, she found occasional leaves that struck her with their beauty or fragrance, and kept them until they grew withered, brown, and brittle enough to crunch into powder. Then she would throw them into the pale hearth fire and watch them burn to ash.

Part Four: Winter

It was winter, and the last of the leaves and grasses had been trampled into mush during the first frost. Various trees were heavy laden with fruit, which pleased Hadassah, for she only got fresh fruit during winter. At other times she had to find less expensive options to retain her health, but winter was when those fruits were available cheaply enough for her limited budget.

Hadassah took to wearing her cloak, although not every day until it was truly too cold to avoid freezing on her way to work. It was heavy and cumbersome. The brilliance of summer was well and truly gone by now, replaced by overcast skies and early sunsets. Ice formed delicate patterns that crunched under her boots after freezing sleet and a cold night. If she had known how to skate, she would have rejoiced that the lake froze.

She kept her hands tightly within her cloak, unable to bear the feeling of mittens yet avoiding frostbite. In the evening, while others were out collecting or chopping wood, she would prepare food and intermittently warm her fingers at the fire. Even so, they grew stiff and cold, and developed chilblains.

Still, there was a certain routine and sameness to winter that she appreciated, and for that reason it was her favourite season despite its drawbacks. It was not so cold that she could not last it out without outside assistance. Hadassah liked the comparative darkness of the season, and it was like the embrace she never asked for or initiated. She avoided touch, but the touch of the seasons was pleasant.

Then it grew warmer: and it was spring again.

[zabrak-show]

In the Absence of Light

Chapter 3: I Keep on Fallin’

Disaster Trio vs Zabrak Bros Ghost Hunter AU

Summary: Maul and Obi-Wan navigate their surroundings and their past. Darkness and small spaces spark chemistry. Ahsoka and Feral witness something truly terrifying.

Warnings/tags: bickering as usual, sensory deprivation, small spaces/claustrophobia, feeling of falling, there may or may not be a smooch and a pants tent or two (I know I know how very dare)

Words: 2.8k

Ch 1, Ch 2, art

AO3

A/N: sorry a bit late with posting this one even tho technically it’s still Thursday!! Ahh I can’t believe there’s only one more chapter to post after this! I hope you all enjoy and please do let me know your thoughts <3 xoxo

A wretched creaking noise echoed through the cavernous chamber. Maul muttered incoherent blather as he rifled through things looking for some sort of crowbar. As comforting as it was to be still able to hear Maul, the echoes opened the basement into a larger than comprehensible room to Obi-Wan's imagination. He felt his stomach churn with acid, and his chest tightened with anxiety. The blanket of darkness swallowed and penetrated him wholly.

A loud clatter of metal hitting the concrete gave him a startled jump.

"Found something!" Maul boasted.

Kenobi could hear the fast thwack of his shoes hitting the concrete running over to him.

"It's an actual crowbar! So I'm going to pry it into the edge of the door, and we can both pull it to open it up." Maul explained as he put the crowbar in place. Obi-Wan held his hands out, waiting for guidance. A most desperate hour to surrender control to this wild Zabrak.

Maul wrapped his arms around Kenobi's and guided him to the crowbar he'd wedged into the door, sliding his hands to where he needed to hold the bar. Their bodies had never been this close before. Obi-Wan's heart raced, and his pants became too tight. Maul’s hands were so warm and his skin was thick, but softer than he’d expected. Oh, gods, why was this happening?! He had no idea if his arousal was obvious or not. The flushing on his cheeks must be. Could Maul see colors in the dark, or was it like those night vision cameras?

Maul near whispered, "Hold it here and pull to your right when I say so," his hot, humid breath warmed the shell of his ear. Obi-Wan's palms dampened, and he worried about being able to hold the crowbar with any efficiency. No matter, he'd have to make do. There were more important things to focus on right now other than his apparent attraction to Maul in the dark.

"Ready? PULL!" Maul yelled, and both men pulled the door open in a few slow hard thrusts. The high pitch screeching of the metal was enough to wake the dead.

"What do you see? Is it an elevator?" Obi-Wan asked through gasps of catching his breath.

"I think...so…." Maul's voice trailed off, and sweat ran down Kenobi's back and stung his eyes as it slid down his brow.

"What's going on?" Kenobi shivered from the dampness of his sweat now covering much of his body.

What happened next, Kenobi couldn't be sure. He questioned his reality, thinking he must still be dreaming or dreaming again. Had he passed out when he fell? He did hit his head pretty hard. It was as though some tremendous and powerful being had pushed him into the small—what he was assuming—elevator. It couldn't have been Maul, who laid crumpled on the floor under him in this tiny cramped room. Obi-Wan howled as he tried to stand up, and immediately his knees buckled under him, and he fell back on top of Maul. Both of them groaned with hitched breaths.

"Careful," Maul croaked out, trying to push Kenobi away.

"What happened? Are we in an elevator? Did someone push us?" Kenobi felt around in a panic as he spoke, grazing more of Maul's body than he'd ever anticipated doing. He had to be sure not to put his knees or feet anywhere painful when he got up, of course.

"Huh?" Maul asked, his voice breathy and laced with confusion. "I... I'm not sure what happened. The last thing I remember is finding the crowbar and helping you put your arms around it… and…"

Kenobi's face grew red hot again, thinking about that moment with Maul and wondering if he saw or remembered everything.

"It felt like someone pushed me," Kenobi said, hoping to interrupt any memory of himself from Maul's mind.

"I don't remember that," Maul pondered as he grabbed Kenobi's arms and helped him to his feet. "And I do not see any buttons in here to get us out or up or down or anything."

"Great," Obi-Wan sighed, "and I don't suppose we still have that crowbar to pry the doors open again?"

"...no," Maul's voice was small. Obi-Wan had never heard him sound so meek before.

"Are you scared, Maul?" Obi-Wan couldn't help the smirk crinkling up along his face.

"Of course not! I'm irritated that I'm trapped in here and with you, of all people." His menacing tone oozed with wistful sadness.

"Likewise." Obi-Wan sighed. "Let's sit and think for a moment. My head is killing me." He rubbed his head where he'd hit it on the floor earlier, wincing in pain.

They both arranged themselves at opposite corners of the small boxed room. With still no light source for Kenobi, the transition to finding a spot away from the Zabrak was awkward at best. There was much unfortunate accidental groping on his part. In the end, there was no way around their feet having to intermingle, but that was better than other parts of their body, he supposed. The metal was cold against Obi-Wan's back and butt, where it made contact through his linen pants and shirt. He shivered, annoyed that he hadn't put on his jacket. He hadn't even meant to leave the bedroom.

He heard and felt Maul shuffling around in the opposite corner, wondering what on earth he could be doing. A bundle of warm fabric hit his face. After the initial shock, he grabbed the soft bundle and appreciated its warmth.

"My sweater. I run hotter than you, so I don't need it."

"Well, I don't need it either." Obi-Wan lied, not wanting to give it up but not wanting Maul to get satisfaction from him being cold.

"Just put it on and shut up while I think of what we can do." he snarled.

Obi-Wan acquiesced. He was awful cold, and the sweater felt like a warm cozy fall day. And the smell, gods, it smelled good. Remembering that Maul could see everything he did, he tried not to make it obvious he enjoyed the scent of his nemesis. Maul let out a small hrmph noise. A slight panic washed over Obi-Wan for enjoying the sweater a little too much. Maul broke the thick silence with a loud yawn.

"I know you're tired, but I would suggest not sleeping," Obi-Wan drawled.

"Why would you think I'm going to sleep in here? With you? Trapped in this elevator? I can't possibly think of a worse idea." Maul scoffed.

"Right, well earlier, I was in the bathroom, and I didn't even mean to fall asleep, it just… happened, and then I had this horrible vision-"

"Oh, for satan's sake, you had a nightmare, and you're trying to give me advice? Listen, I'm not going to fall asleep and have a scary dream and wake up crying like you, ok?" Maul cut him off, snapping his words with unwarranted aggression.

"Oh, and so you meant to fall into this dungeon or whatever this is? And trap me in the elevator with you? Neither of us is in complete control of this situation. I'm trying to work with you." Obi-Wan offered, trying to remain collected.

"Work with me?! Do you mean to abandon me here while you get famous for faking everything and leave me to be the crazy one no one takes seriously? I really can't-" Maul rose to his knees to get closer to Kenobi, his hot breath warming his face with the fiery words.

"OH, I'm the faker? Please! That is so rich coming from you. If no one takes you seriously, that is your fault and nothing to do with-"

Both men were now yelling over one another, trying to make their points heard, but it was useless. Neither was listening and certainly not to the elevator making creaking noises as they argued.

"You faked that entire setup! And that's why you left me because I threatened to reveal it all. I can't believe you are forgetting. You block things out of your mind if it doesn't suit you. Talk about the mental gymnastics on this one. Poor Kenobi can never do ANY wrong-" Maul mocked him, and Kenobi could feel the air moving from where he gesticulated.

"It was not a setup! that was the whole point, Maul! You won't see anything from anyone else's point of view. You are the absolute WORST!" Kenobi saw red as he bellowed out the last word to Maul.

There was a brief silence between the two men, and they could no longer ignore the elevator's creaking. It made a loud hiss and pop before hurtling down into a freefall. Kenobi felt his stomach rise to his chest and wondered if he'd be able to keep his lunch down. Light from the elevator corner flickered on and off, giving Kenobi a flashing view of the angry Zabrak directly in front of him. He glared back, thinking how he hated him, the spiteful demon hunter. Even now, in this moment of panic as they plummeted down in a haze of flashing dull yellow lights to depths unknown. How could they still be going down? Kenobi didn't want to know. He hoped it was all a mirage of feelings, and they would come out into their separate bedrooms and never speak of this again. He folded his arms tight against his chest. Feeling the warmth of the sweatshirt and still smelled his rich, warm scent. How awful this all was.

Maul rose from his crouched position, reaching a hand out to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan stared at his outstretched hand like it was a foreign object he'd never seen before. He'd never studied the tattoos on him up to now. They were exquisite, the ink-black against the deep crimson red of his complexion. Obi-Wan grasped onto Maul's hand and let him help lift him to a standing position.

The elevator rocked in violent thrusts as it shuddered down and down further and further. The lights flickered, illuminating the men and the dull, brassy metal of the walls. It moaned as though it might rip apart at any moment. With one major shake of the box, like someone hurled a boulder sideways at them, the gravity shifted. Obi-Wan found himself pinned against the wall of the elevator with Maul in his arms. He held the Zabrak up but not away. He wasn't thinking with a clear head. There was no way he was enjoying the feeling of Maul against him. Obi-Wan's arms wrapped him in a hug in an inexplicable instinct.

"What do you think you're doing?" Maul growled over the cacophony of the crashing elevator.

"I… I'm not sure," Obi-Wan stammered, still clutching to Maul as though if he gripped onto him strong enough, the fall from wherever they were wouldn't be so bad. Holding him like this was ridiculous, yet he remained glued to him. He couldn't let go of him if he wanted to. And boy did he want to. He didn't want to admit how good it felt. How it felt like a missing piece of his heart was at long last reunited with the whole. And how good he felt and smelled, and how the glow of his eyes when the lights flickered off was the most beautiful sight.

"You know, I never meant to leave you there," Obi-Wan said, his voice small, "I searched for you for days. I felt awful about what happened. I still do."

Maul growled and wrapped his hand around Obi-Wan's neck, not squeezing but holding him within his power. Maul scowled at him and looked at Kenobi's lips. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, a bit embarrassed at the way he was looking at Maul and at the arousal growing the longer he stared.

He felt Maul's breath against his skin, so near his lips, he was breathing him in. The roar of the small room hurtling to the center of the earth—it must be by now he'd determined—hid the whimper he let out as Maul pushed himself against Obi-Wan's groin. The hardness against his thigh suggested he wasn't the only one aroused in this tiny box.

Maul's lips brushed into his, and Obi-Wan opened his eyes, at last, to make sure he wasn't asleep again. He saw red again and black, and Maul's eyelashes dusting the tops of his crimson cheek. Obi-Wan kissed back in an instant. His investigated tongue slid across Maul's lips and into his mouth. He tasted like minty licorice. Obi-Wan couldn't get enough. They devoured each other as the world around them shuttled them off to the depths of hell.

Obi-Wan's hands massaged Maul's back as they pressed into each other. They very well may die, might as well enjoy the last few moments. He wondered if that's what prompted this from Maul.

The elevator, at last, came to a shuddering stop, which should have surprised the occupants. They were too busy tasting each other's mouths to notice, it seemed. Or to see all the lights come on and the elevator door ding open. Their bodies pressed too close together, feeling every heartbeat and shuddering breath from the other. It wasn't until Obi-Wan heard a familiar voice that he turned his head to the open door and saw a jaw-dropped Ahsoka and Feral staring at them both.

In an instant, both men pushed one another away and stumbled out of the elevator. The tent in Obi-Wan's pants was far from discrete at this point. Cripes, why did he have to wear such tight and thin pants today?

"What was… what WAS that?" Feral asked, his eyes as big as saucers.

"I'm certain I don't know what you're talking about," Obi-Wan said, staring down at his nails, wondering how he could rearrange himself to make his erection less noticeable. It was too late, though.

"Oh my, Oh my god, I wish I had not seen that," Ahsoka averted her eyes and looked down and away at the floor.

Feral's initial shock disappeared from his face as he seemed to enjoy this awkwardness a little too much.

"Oh shit, my big brother is in love with his nemesis. This is too good. I hope we got that all on camera." he slapped his knee in laughter while Ahsoka pretended to dry heave in the corner of the room.

"Ok enough, enough!" Obi-Wan yelled.

"I'm sorry, are we supposed to listen to you with that giant pants tent?" Feral hooted, laughing with his entire body. Obi-Wan turned away to adjust himself.

Maul elbowed his brother in the side to shut him up.

"Yes, that's quite enough, little brother," Maul drawled out, trying to sound distinguished. Feral gulped down the last of his laughter with a smirk still plastered on his face.

Now that most of the laughter had subsided, Obi-Wan could see where they were. It was a drab room with flickering candle lights sparsed throughout. It looked like any other room in the house. This whole thing must have been some hallucination that they had been falling for as long as they had. A most curious phenomenon. Unlike the other rooms of the house, this one had no furniture or wall hangings, save for the candle lights. There was, however, a peeling forest green wallpaper with burgundy trim. The floor was old hardwood, some rotting away in places. The ceiling held decorative plaster that once in its heyday held great beauty, but now it crumbled and gathered cobwebs. It appeared as though there was massive water damage as well.

"This house must have been used as some sort of demonic portal. We need only to-"

Obi-Wan cut Maul off, "Demonic? They are trying to use water as a vessel. This is obviously the work of ghosts. The water damage alone suggests the presence of spirits."

"Even if there were ghosts here, which there are not, the water damage is a demonic sign and always has been. Your refusal to study up on demons is showing, Kenobi." Maul crossed his arms and sneered at Obi-Wan.

"I know enough about demons to know you're wrong as usual."

"Aren't you two more concerned with where we are right now?" Ahsoka chimed in, placing herself between the bickering men.

"Well, back in the main part of the house, of course," Obi-Wan said and then glanced around the room again. Wait a second. There were no doors or windows in here. Only the elevator, which had slammed shut upon their embarrassing entrance. "I, wait, how did you two get in here?"

"Same as you, the elevator, only we can't pry it back open-" Feral started to explain.

"What? Well, then why didn't you say something when we…." Maul interrupted and then trailed off, remembering what happened in the elevator. "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. We have no control of the elevator, and there's not enough space for all four of us in there anyway."

"Right, so can we break through one of the walls? The floor?" Obi-Wan pondered out loud, looking around at the room again, stroking his beard.

"We could try. There aren't any tools in here or anything, though." Feral said as they all looked in different directions of the bare closed in room.

—————————

Tag list: @always-on-tatooine @dinsbeskar @maulpunk @hornystarwarsbisexual @dawdreygore @l1feisapigsty @maulieber @botherbother-blog @emissarydecksetter @wolfpack-arts-industries99 @mock-ing-bird

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[risaonda]

The fact that you’re continually spreading false info about someone you haven’t had contact with in 5 years is disgusting. You’re welcome to dismiss their apology as insincere, but spreading misinformation is a different beast. You’re lucky they haven’t sued you for libel, considering you have no idea how they are these days.

hey look i actually remembered u shout out 2 tumblr for not getting rid of the number next 2 the inbox on desktop even tho i've seen these on mobile LMAO so here's ur Genuine Response

first of all, point me to the latest instance of me saying literally ANYTHING about them. also elaborate for me what "false info" ur talking about pretty please with a cherry on top <3 because nothing that i've said irt the shit i put up with from them is false just because it upsets u that some random person online that u apparently idolize, based on how u are here in my inbox having a complete fucking meltdown, has hurt people. sorry u are so pressed, this is absolutely not normal. i can't imagine what kind of freak u need to be to go to random strangers' inboxes going "ur lucky ur abuser doesn't sue u for talking about ur abuse" like i think that u should maybe log off or just completely remove urself from this situation which has literally no bearing on u

this entire message is just. idk where to even start. i don't think they're the only one ever saying anything about me, i don't think i've ever said or even implied as much. idk where that thought even came from. their weirdo friends and fans used to come into my inbox all the time, anon and not, like hello?? also i love that this is worded in a way implying u are responding directly to me. like this is a reply to something that i said today. what are these messages in response to beloved bc between u and me, u are the only one that seems to know

my blog is easy to find because i have made sure it is easy to find and i have never made it difficult to find me anywhere. i've literally said so many times in the past that i would so much rather people see my blog than most other bullshit places people go to when it comes to finding information for this specific situation, because i am actually involved and every other place people get information is some stupid drama site full of people who have never even so much as Spoken to them. my blog is literally intentionally easy to find. hello.

"since they're all you fucking talk about" again: WHEN is the last time i actually did talk about them, genuinely, bc i couldn't even tell u. recently i think i've just been talking about movies i'm watching, actually, so i think u are maybe just obsessed with a situation that has literally fuck all to do with u and u are mad as fuck for no recognizable reason whatsoever. like u are creating a problem with me in ur own mind and freaking the fuck out about it. but stay mad i guess dude i literally don't even know u LOL

i haven't lied about their apologies and i don't think i've ever even said they never apologized, at least not as like. a flat point blank statement. "we all saw the screenshots" really got me too because like my god...who do u think POSTED the screenshots. what are u

they have offered completely meaningless "sorry"s in the past that were followed immediately by them continuing the behavior they were apologizing for. now maybe i'm just crazy but i think saying sorry for something and then doing the same thing over and over and over is not really an apology. that's what i mean whenever i criticize the "apologies" they so desperately hang onto in order to avoid any accountability for their actions. like idk how else to say it this really is not a difficult concept to grasp and i cannot believe i even need to say this. i cannot believe this is not the first time i'm even saying this. have u actually looked at anything i've said or are u making this all up as u go and handling ur frustration with that based on how u think everything's gone?

this message is my favorite one bc it really just blows me away. this one makes me convinced that u think i'm someone else instead of like...me. like what are u talking about. when have i ever done any of this. u are insane

"change according to my standards or i'll continue spreading lies about you" when the reality of all of this is i am and have literally only ever been saying "hey i think taking actual accountability for their actions is like. necessary."

if they are trying to do better that means acknowledging they have done things they need to work on and be better about. sorry that my standards aka "stop ur cycle of abuse so as not to hurt more people, be honest about this, and don't continue harming those u already have hurt" are too high, but also i literally don't give a shit or fuck. if that's asking too much then ur not a changed person, full-stop.

i think what is so funny abt people like u is if they have really and truly have changed and they are growing as a person and bettering themself, i think the very LAST thing in the world they would want is some random freak online going after the people they're supposedly trying to repair things with. like literally what are u doing here if not trying to just make my perception of them significantly worse? this is for u

[joyisntyoj]

04: LETTERS TO NOBODY OR MAYBE MAYARI

Seal stamps, stamps with whatever designs, papers and pens, stickers, pictures, dried flowers, heartwarming messages, and a lot more.

When was the last time you wrote something on a literal piece of paper for someone?

Have you ever personally given someone a handwritten letter or sent it from the post office?

Is writing a letter still a thing today, or you just use whatever app you have because what is the point if other ways are more convenient, right?

Maybe, you are more the vocal type of person and, you just say what you feel instead of writing it down?

Perhaps, you are none of the above because what is important is your presence in their lives and, that is more than enough?

Still, how lovely it is to keep something that has sentimental value. It unnecessarily means that you are hoarding something because what's to not treasure from precious memories in a small piece of paper in an envelope?

This story is for those who never get tired of expressing themselves in whatever form they know, but most especially to those who write.

May you never run out of papers, inks, and thoughts to compose. to more unforgotten memories preserved in letters.

^^^

To: Mayari.

How are you? I wish things were getting better, just like what I always pray. These days, sleeping at night suddenly became serene as well as waking up in the morning. Sometimes my days are dull and typical...I believe? But most of the time, it's either I'm feeling blue or extra sad, or was that the same? I kept on blaming the pandemic, but for real, I'm just a mess. Silent battles are truly tough. I wish I had the courage and strength just like yours. Be safe. Stay sane. I'm really trying my best to be legit all right.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Liway is the name, exhausted with life. Mayari, someone out there, maybe a supreme being or plausibly not always receives Liway's letters. Sometimes Liway writes 10 messages at once and sometimes none at all. Mayari is the only recipient of such letters that even Liway never knew they were received by the random recipient it thought was just nobody. It all genuinely started on having a recipient written on the "To:" part at the post office. Though seriously, it doesn't even have any home address. It's super weird that it's for Mayari and no address, and were received.

HOW?

^^^

To: Mayari.

The night has come. This time, it feels heavier than usual. Tears are suddenly falling. I noticed that an unwelcome visitor came. The familiar pain is hugging me again, so tight that breathing is getting harder. I hate everything. Yet, I came to realize a lot of things. Afterward, I'm feeling blessed and grateful. Am I getting crazy? Before I went to bed, at the dinner table, I felt uncomfortable with the conversation we had, my family, about myself back then. I really hate it when they keep on bringing up what happened in the past. I already moved on... I think... so can they stop mentioning those moments? Honestly, whenever anything from the past is introduced again and remembered, I tend to feel like it just happened yesterday. Everything is coming back so fresh and new; fun, pain, sweats, and tears. I hate it.

PS. Mayari, can you send me some courage? Preferably in capsules, So I can have it in my intakes and be sure I'll be really having it in my system literally.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Continues writing so many letters filled with how living is like. Liway felt tired and exhausted. A few days ago, it was super overwhelmed that crying is unavoidable. Then this morning, Ms. Walmy called for a little chat and checking up because it's never too bad to check up on somebody, most especially when you're a counselor. It's your job, so uh? Anyway, though Liway was out of focus on the call, it was able to be accomodating and warm in return. It reciprocated the thoughtfulness with a sweet smile.

^^^

To: Mayari

Hey! Today I was mad because firsthand, I experienced that thing I usually hear from other people. The "don't-post-something-revealing-on-social-media-but-love-yourself-but-that's-not-appropriate". Well, I don't even know why I'm reacting super outrage towards it. Because knowing that my family is just concerned for me since the internet is frankly scary. I mean, I did nothing wrong, so why? Maybe deciding to be confident on the internet is not necessary for them. But for me, it is! So how should I deal with this? A friend consoled me, and I feel better. Still tho, my mood is already ruined. Oh gosh.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways, 

 Liway.

Welcoming a new week, the usual Liway is busy with the household chores. Some may find it stressful, but this one is pretty different. Scrubbing the floor, washing the dishes, brooming on the side. Later on, folding the clothes, fixing the bed, and a lot more things. It looks like it'll be tiring its body out until the nose bleeds, and passing out is the last resort to rest. How come it's easier to clean an actual mess than the one inside the head and heart?

^^^

To: Mayari.

Beloa visited me today. My childhood and the only friend left I have up to this day from elementary school. If you get what I mean? It's been a long time since we had a chat, especially that things are super complicated these days. She's doing really well, and I couldn't be more proud. I'm still amazed at how we manage to be friends because we both don't like each other to begin with. It's so funny that we even pulled each other's hair in the 4th grade while the class is taking the annual picture for the school year remembrance. What are the odds in this even, right? HAHAHA. Today was warm and bright.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Dates suddenly don't vary in these letters. Even the concept of time is somehow gone. What's important is regardless of not having these "important details" like the usual, Liway can keep up and be consistent in sending its letters. Liway never missed a chance to send a letter to the address less recipient, which left the post office staff to ponder with it. But as time goes by, Alle, the clerk, is no more surprised 'coz she's used to everything now. The envelopes unfailingly vanished the moment it was dropped inside the mailing box. Indeed, a magical mailbox.

^^^

To: Mayari.

I never knew how amazing pretending could be. You know that thing where someone usually says I'm okay, but really not? The inner saboteur that was triggered by their trauma is real-real-real. A car is useless when it's not moving if you wanted to travel to faraway places. Does that make sense?

PS. It sucks that our bathroom is the only "semi-safe space".

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Polar bears are really fascinating. They get to hibernate. Then, after the time being, back on hunting and living their lives. Ligaya was one of Liway's hero. A lot knew Ligaya for being a superhero, although she does not have that fantasy powers. Just like the polar bears, too, Ligaya has been hibernating for quite some time but kept on saying that she was not. Liway saw it all. Maybe a bear's hibernation is different from a human-being, hmm?

^^^

To: Mayari.

IDK what to say, but I just wanted to be consistent at the very least in sending you letters.

PS. The radio was broken, but in my head, it's working. It kept on playing nonstop music. Is this a poetic way of saying I'm overthinking things?

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

^^^

To: Mayari.

A lot happened lately. Somebody lost a precious one, and here I am, having a renaissance moment. It's a crazy ride, but for all it's worth, the pea has grown into a beautiful plant. Hope it made sense coz finally, everything is making sense to me now. Little by little, slowly and surely.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

^^^

To: Mayari

Hey!! I hope you are doing great!!! These days, everything felt surreal. I get to be active everywhere. It's draining, yet I feel so alive than ever. I had this thought that time is indeed just a concept, hmm? I mean, anytime is the right time to do what you want and whatever it is. Nothing is too late, most especially when it comes to growth. OH, being late in class still counts but FOR REAL RIP TO THE ONLINE CLASS SETUP -_-

PS. May we never run out of time to be the best versions of ourselves. LOVE WHOEVER YOU WANT. fck the situation, but SOON, GO ANYWHERE YOU WANT. SPEND FOR YOURSELF AND FOR YOUR LOVED ONES. FEEL EVERYTHING.

PSS. May we leave this world with fewer regrets and more amazing memories.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways, 

Liway.

Quite a lot of letters were already sent. The post office is getting more and more letters, as well as Mayari. Still, NO REPLY. Maybe some other, Liway will be able to hear Mayari's words.

^^^

To: Mayari.

*here's an envelope just in case you want to write me something*

With so much love annd kindness always and all ways, 

Liway.

'Tis the season to be jolly. LOL Nah. Liway has been out for the past weeks. By out, means on a hibernation mode. A L O T R E A L L Y happened. It's hard to put it into words. I guess Liway will end these letter-sending shenanigans or just lazy and trying to give out some excuses //

^^^

To: Mayari. 

Ever since I was taught how to move around the kitchen, I've been assigned to be Mom's assistant while cooking for the feast every event/occasion we'll be celebrating. It's tiring but super fun. Getting your fingers bleed and while unaware is cool LOL~ 

PS. Why does it feel so good to overthink things while doing the dishes? What's with that scenario.........

With so much love and kindness always and all ways, 

Liway.

Tireless hands, heart, and mind with countless thoughts and feelings, papers, and pens everywhere—WRITING; it surely is one of the best ways to vent. Though letters can’t hug and wipe one's tears, witness waves of laughter, ease the pain, and such, the comfort from every word written is more than enough.

Suddenly time barge in and reminded me that this is enough. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR 2020...

A new chapter has arrived, and maybe it's time to move forward. Maybe this is where it all gonna stop for a while. I mean, writing is somehow tiring, literally. Probably, Mayari might reply with the number of letters sent anytime soon, so maybe waiting is all that needed.

No rush in moving on.

MAY YOU GET THE REPLY YOU LONG FOR SO LONG.

PRIORITIZE YOURSELF AND HAVE COURAGE.

BE KIND ALWAYS AND ALL WAYS.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Little did nobody know, Liway is writing a letter to her "ideal" self.

The letter-sending-to-nobody thingy of Liway is really mind-boggling, right?

Mayari is Liway. Liway is Mayari.

The things that Liway wanted to say but cannot articulate well were always sent to Mayari. Mayari is the version of Liway it wishes to become in the future. 

The weak Liway longs and hopes to have "that" someone by her side to look up to. That's why she always writes letters and keeps them in the memory box.

The post office thingy was actually her shared room at home: the table at the corner with no lights but so much mess. It's that post office.

It's pandemic, so how can a post office be open and how brave she is to go out, right?

That saying, "be the hero you wanted to have when you were little", is the best explanation of Liway's way of venting and expressing.

Nobody knows when Mayari will come to life because it's no certainty that we can be the ideal self we all wanted to happen. 

For now, Liway is fighting her battles and screaming louder to the universe,

UNTIL WHEN DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY?

To be continued...

Happy New Year, Mayari. ✨💜

This is like an excerpt from my quarantine shenanigans for 2020 LOL.