#i could try to analyze at least the first one but dont wanna go there just yet

[lystring]

sry long rant abt dumb dreams below I just needed to get it down

so I managed to fall asleep after that. and during those two hours I remember two dreams:

so night between wed n thu I slept for 11 hours and had another long ass dream about my ex (which is mostly just annoying cus sure we were together for 6 years but we've been broken up for almost as long and it was an amicable breakup that should've happened much sooner im not sure what my brain feels the need to process still about that bt whatever) and I thought to myself Again? like why cant i dream about some made up lover or maybe at leeast my last situationship that Im still a bit hung up on (last one kinda sarcastically bt also not cus I miss him lol) but apparently my brain decided to listen to me for the first time ever, but also in ofc the worst way ever.

because last night I barely slept at all, and the first part of the night I slipped in n out of sleep and a Super Fucked Up nightmare that was basically just beat for beat a literal horror movie where me and some guy were trapped on a small island outside the coast of Finland that we both had travelled to alone independently. and we were being held prisoners in a rundown house by a coven of witches or some other supernatural beings, like three super creepy pale blonde old women that were like forcing us to be a part of their "family" wearing the same clothes and eating "dinner" with us every evening and sleeping in childrens beds and the whole dream was me and this guy developing this really close emotional bond out of survival instinct and trauma. there was like this one point where he went into a part of the house that they told us not to go into and as punishment he just started growing painful mushrooms put of his skin on his face and I like. the fucking irl anxiety and fear I had waking up briefly for that was just fucking surreal. we managed to get them off and I literally told him to "please use my face wash" to avoid this problem. like ok funny girl haha. anyway we finally managed to escape and im not gonna go through every detail but honestly it would make a good horror movie that id be too afraid to watch. also it was so fucking uncomfortable for me that I had to get up and have a cigarette because I didn't wanna fall into the same nightmare loop that I'd been in for the last 4 hours or so.

one semi-realistic attempt at being cathartic about my last situationship (sorry to use that word but not sure what else to call it like we were dating we were never a Couple u know) where like. I was in very intimate but ofc dream absurd moments with him but I also got to say everything that I have been feeling and have been wanting to say to him. and in the dream our meeting is sparked by me drunkenly texting him from our work phone, which he responded to even tho he hasn't responded to my last irl (also in dream) texts from my own phone. and. like it was ofc surreal and confusing but also. it makes me wanna try one last time. which is dumb i know but. idk. like I said I kinda not kind jokingly asked my brain for this dream and it sure delivered thanks.

the last dream was a full on surreal chaotic fantasy stress dream where I had to juggle both work at a hotel in a dystopian world and at the same time a relationship with a woman I'm pretty sure is an amalgamation of all the straight women I've ever had hopeless crushes on but this time she was into me so ;) it was also right before I had to get up for work so it was way too short thanks brain fuck off

[sharklovingaquarist]

My experiences with animal sciences and how practices within them signal issues with women's health. Another long one, sorry ya'll

So someone reblogged my post about the OBGYN field saying that animals in America are treated better than women. What a coincidence that I ran into this issue today! So I was in veterinary science for four years in high school. I had a vet assistant certification and was in the FFA (Future Farmers of America). And when I tell you this inference is not too far off, I mean it. I wouldn't say they're treated better, but the general attitude towards the female body is very much more visible, they dont try to hide it with animals. You can also see connections in many practices. When I got into it, there was also a slight uncomfortable tinge when our class came to reproduction and reproductive techniques that always targeted the female body. Well, first when we looked at endocrine systems, the male was always described as existing for himself. Testosterone was for muscles and strength. But with female, her endocrine was always surrounded with sex and offspring. Estrogen was for going into heat and "being impregnated". Progesterone was to "support a fetus" not help her survive a pregnancy. This really does connect back to the female body being seen as the reproductive tool of the male body. The sole focus in fertility. We still don't even know much about the female endocrine seperate from the focus on offspring. And that goes onto practices. Vaginal speculums, inducing estrus, artificial "insemination", much more. I dont wanna say too much, but my school bred animals. Once they talked about how they induced one of the animals into an estrus by implanting a hormonal device in the cervix. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, because they never do that to male bodies to increase sperm quality. At most they collected sperm from a male animal, but usually willingly.

So what happened today? I shop on chewy for my pets, and I saw estradiol for animals. I was confused at first and wondered why someone would need that, but I remembered how animals are induced. So I clicked hoping it wasn't the case. Nope that's the case. However when you read further you see there's actually some benefits to estradiol for some individuals. So let's analyze this.

The first thing you see in description is: "Estradiol is used to induce estrus, a state of sexual receptivity during which the female will accept the male and is capable of conceiving."

So let's address how using estrogen for this purpose is just really weird. Excess estrogen can cause a lot of health issues, most notably (to me at least) CANCER. Animals go into estrus on their own. Also let's talk about "will accept the male". So sexual selection doesn't exist anymore? That's the thing with this crowd. They see female hormones as something robotic. They think estrus makes females bend over to any male they find. And again, why is there almost never something for males to decrease chances of sperm deformity?

Ok let's go down to uses: "Estradiol can be used to enhance estrus behavior and receptivity in ovariectomized mares and aid mares with estrogen-responsive urinary incontinence."

So they're saying you use this product to increase estrus symptoms in mares who have had their ovaries removed. Why? Fuck if I know. Could be behavioral, I doubt surrogacy due to a lack of ovaries (most responsible for hormone synthesis). So Imma go to the next part. When you get to the bottom you see that it helps urinary issues. So now we are FINALLY at the part where it actually benefits a female body and not just making a female into a breeding machine. So it does have a benefit, it can help female animals with incontinence! It's just that they are valued as production rather than a living being

Finally we get to precautions: "Estradiol is contraindicated during pregnancy as it can cause fetal malformations of the genitourinary system and induce bone marrow depression in the fetus. Estradiol cypionate should not be used to treat estrogen-responsive incontinence in small animals."

So I was actually kinda surprised they explained why (AND TESTED) why a hormone/medication shouldn't be used during pregnancy! Usually, with animals, they actually admit they never tested it with pregnant animals, of which I suspect to be the same with humans. They'd rather just say "yeah uh don't take it" instead of actually paying attention to female bodies, because again you are just a vessel. Also the fact that they never test how medications effect male reproduction, thats something that carries onto humans aswell. They would never limit a man even if he causes issues to another human. Anyways, my reasoning as to why they actually knew this time comes down to them paying close attention to female hormones... but only when it comes into play with a fetus. Trust, they know ALLLLLLL about the female body- WHEN ITS ABOUT A FETUS THOUGH! And again we see the death and malformation of a fetus as a negative for the fetus and not the female. They don't mention how this situation could ALSO effect the female animal. I would assume natural abortion would take place, which is dangerous. The thing is they'll study the effects on a fetus not a living breathing female. And throughout my experience with animals, I've learned that a reproductive adult will always be more valued by nature than a fetus. The health of your parent animal dictates success the most. However you always hear about how to stay pregnant or support fetal growth, the best thing to focus on is FEMALE HEALTH. We aren't vessels. However humans seem to have that twisted. I'll get into that on another post with prenatal vitamins.

So take what you want from this and run, if you've even gotten this far. I know it was long. Im still in science, just non-mammalian. I am by no means a professional but I feel the need to put my feelings out there. To all the feminists in medical or any other biological sciences, I wish you luck. Shit is so tiring.

[larcenywrites]

And which one is your favorite? 👀

NOT AGAIN AH I wanna go for young but I DONT KNOW BECAUSE LIKE- GAH there’s so much to unpack there and then when I say one, I’m like “oh, but x has these qualities too which I love writing about” uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh I think still young only because that’s something that can be played around with a little more I feel like? Like that’s such a clean slate to draw on because there’s not as much info there as opposed to the older Tony we all know very well and know what’s out of character or what he has or hasn’t done! Like of course there’s still some things we know for sure about his younger self and certain things would only make sense A Certain Way, but for the most part anyone can interpret him in many different ways and pretty much all of it can make sense! And I do think that’s neat and fun :D

But it’s also interesting to think and write about, well, Iron Man! Because there’s a lot that can also be unpacked and interpreted there! From trauma and domestic life to juggling happiness and health- because that’s a much more complicated life! But I love to write and think about him pre!iron man as well, but not like I would write younger Tony. While he’s still been that billionaire playboy CEO but not quite yet Iron Man. There’s plenty to try and sift through there too- Especially if you wanna analyze how he made it to that point and why he acts like that! And through the power of fiction, we can theorize and create a world where Tony had some better help along the way in those younger years that could’ve prevented that altogether.

Overall it’s hard to choose because this character is so so dynamic and lovely but at the same time still open to so much interpretation! But that’s just if we’re talking about nothing more than the interest in writing and interpreting.

Our younger version here is obviously still pretty experienced, though still with emotional distress that shows up during a hard fucking as much as during the willing vulnerability of a sweet forehead kiss. He’s still learning (in many different ways) and it can be shown in, well, many different ways! He’s simply more overpowering than dominating, and trying to find release and comfort and even love in these physical pursuits. As we head into those older versions it still gets just as dynamic. Probably mostly uncaring and unattached for a while- this time it really is nothing more than stress relief and perhaps the fucked up triumph of an asshole with a reputation to keep. Anything more is too vulnerable now and too much of a hassle, not after everything that’s happened and the reworking of that newly fragiled mind that built walls to unfortunately keep the bad stuff in and keep the good stuff out (though it wasn’t entirely his own doing- and not consciously at least). Maybe there’s a fleeting thought here and there. Someone’s hung around in his bed a few too many times and he starts to think it could be a nice thing to have. That maybe he should actually try to be… something. But that sounds like a long commitment and fixing up all those internal issues and then the thought becomes exhausting. He’s too tired. He’s too busy. He doesn’t have that kind of time- hell, he could do so much more with all that time. All he has to do is cut off that contact and go on with what’s always been normal and what’s always worked.

But then, something happens. No, unfortunately nothing good. Something about a military demonstration gone wrong, terrorist-inhabited caves in the desert, being kidnapped for forced labor, something not mentioned but not well hidden under his shirt… No one needs to know anymore than that. For the first time since 1991, the fear of a future unknown combined with a another youth wasted spent on autopilot catches up to him, but this time his pursuit for peace of mind isn’t quite so destructive (or is it?). And now, faced with mortality and morality, so many switches are flipping in that head and if he doesn’t try to do these things now he might not ever be able to. Maybe he can make room for love, finally- no, he can. And whoever’s unlucky enough to end up in his arms, he’ll be sure to show his gratitude in every way.

We skip ahead and hopefully by now he’s with someone, because dear god does he need an anchor he can trust and it would be far too difficult to find one now. It would be far to difficult to deal with all of this all on his own. The stress of the world is quite literally on his shoulder, and the distress is evident in the way he works and the way he walks. The only safe space left is in his own home and preferably in the arms of that anchor. The distress is evident in the way he hides and the way he holds. He can’t control the sky falling out or even his own damn team or even his own weapons at times, but here he can control the narrative and spill out the day’s trauma, and in return replace it with something more gentle and sweet when he decides it’s safe to give up that control again- but this time on his own terms.

He’ll never quite escape the trouble and heartbreak that’s haunted him since childhood. Maybe it’s because he’s never actually changed? Is he the same person now as he used to be? Does he want to be? Do others want him to be? He can rethink it all he wants and what could have been, but perhaps the story would’ve always came out the same. Maybe it boils down to who’s story could be manipulated the most, or who deserves more to have their unfortunate tale mended by the end. As much as I would love to show him how to love and make those early tragedies and hardships easier to bear and without all those bad habits and isolated walls, I find it hard to say that I wouldn’t just as easily give everything up to clean those wounds in a warm bath and finally bring comfort to a hero that doesn’t want to be strong anymore.

Which one is your favorite?

[artist-poet-lover]

D,

Talking to me is probably the last thing you wanna do, so I won’t talk, I’ll write. This way you won’t feel an obligation to reply.

I know you didn't ask for this, but I just wanted to give myself closure by expressing how I feel. You may think it's “weird” but I hope you can try to understand.

When I first met you I thought you were a really nice person. I didn't talk to you because I had romantic intent, but because I wanted to know you. You seemed to be impervious to everything, yet still very attentive. I admire that about you, still do. You helped me with many aspects in my life: academic and personal. You were there to provide a rational perspective when I remember you saying it’s unlikely I’d fail considering my track record. It’s nice you can bring out the objective side of the situation. You were right to say some situations are not worth being stressed about.

I confessed to you because I felt I was losing you as a friend. I thought it didn't matter if we never talked again because you never talk to me first anyways. I am always the one starting conversations and it gets exhausting. It would be fine if you actually engaged but you never tell me anything about your life. Is there really a point in being friends if you don't tell me anything about your life? I don't know why you take 30 minutes to reply to each message when I reply right away, especially when I clearly stated that I was stressed that time we were texting about the dance. I try my best to navigate situations but I can't do that if you don't tell me what you actually think or how you actually feel. You could have just said you didn't want to go to the dance with me in the first place. It probably would've been better because then I would know you aren't interested. I know this probably wasn't your intent but I felt led on. You said yes to going but it felt reluctant. During that time, I was making various excuses for myself and over analyzing the situation during that time period before taking the risk to confess because MAYBE you liked me back. I hope you know it's okay to say no. Sometimes it's better to just say no. Then I probably would have controlled my emotions better and not developed feelings. I understand that I may have pushed you and I'm really sorry if I did. It is never my intent to make you feel uncomfortable. I know I feel more than you do, but I hope you can empathize at least a little.

As time progressed my perception of you diverged. You appeared to be in a state of complacency that contrasted my constant self doubt. Despite how much I valued you, I think maybe we're better off not being friends; I require one on one time with my friends because they add depth to my relationships. I cannot accept being friends with someone who refuses to hangout with me one on one. I know you think it's “weird” because of how I felt about you, and I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but people can change and emotions can change. I also clearly stated that dating was not my intent of asking you to hangout. I want to spend time with you because I enjoyed your company, I liked you romantically because you seemed like a good person. Alas, feelings about that can change. If you still want to talk my door is open, but I am not going to always be knocking on yours.

You put on a great show. You should get and acting degree in addition to science because you sure had me fooled! I really thought you were a bright ray of sunshine but in reality youre an egotistical judgemental jerk who acts nonchalant to appear cool. You wish to be accept yet you dont accept others. This is proven by the fact that you found me “weird” for talking to you. You’re afraid to talk to people because youre afraid people think like you.

[githvyrik]

how do you bring up the topic to your loved ones who aren’t involved in the lgbt community that they might not be cishet

[probably-haven]

Hello!

So I’m the anon who asked for more Archon War Venti headcanons and I just loved it! I really like reading your headcanons cuz some of them are similar to mine but mostly are headcanons that I didn’t think of so it really is nice to read and see your thoughts about Venti!

I feel like as if I’m asking too much but could you keep doing these types of headcanons? Like it doesn’t have to be Archon War headcanons but like some headcanons about Venti’s relationship with the Ragnvindrs and Gunnhildrs. Because the first Gunnhildr was the first one who prayed to Barbatos and the first Ragnvindr was his friend who left but came back and I really wanna hear your thoughts on that!

And I’ve decided to get off anon cuz you just replied to my texts and I wasn’t expecting that so I’ve got a short confidence boost that I am completely taking advantage of! And thanks for the advice! or uhh comment? observation? I’m not entirely sure but thank you for that! I’ve heard that be said to me a few times and I have been trying to be more, uhh, assertive so thanks for that!

rfouierjkhfkecs i actually came across information on Gunnhildr and the "Red-haired warrior" yesterday when i was doing more research into the rebellion against Decarabian and I was like "wow this would be really fucking fun to research and theorize on, but its too specific/niche to include unprompted no matter how much i want to" but bestie you prompted, and im literally so happy right now because I didn't think I'd ever really get the chance to post about them!

also lmao yeah, i tend to try and reply to as much as I can, since it's a good feeling when someone does and all. but yeah, no problem! I’m glad you felt confident enough to reveal XD. 

This may be structured a bit more like analysis/theory/just citing canon things at first before it gets into a more headcanony format.

ehe i have so much free reign on this it's lovely

More Archon War Era Venti: one two three

spoilers for Venti's backstory and Diluc's(kinda, i think, just in case)

first things first, laying down some canon background because before yesterday i hadn't heard of either of them outside of that one cutscene.

the very reason Decarabian had his storm wall up in the first place was because at the time Andrius had declared war on him- and his tower, and the city of Mondstadt by extent, were basically constantly under attack by Andrius's blizzards, which since he was still alive back then, were a lot bigger and covered basically what seems to be the whole of Mondstadt outside the barrier.

This meant that people had two options. Live in the city under Decarabian's oppression, or live outside the barrier, and brave the blizzards of a warring god... which was not a good idea

but the Gunnhildr clan(not yet called that) tried- and they almost died because of it. In the midst of a blizzard, the clan chief's daughter, named Gunnhildr(which the clan would be named after later) sent out a prayer that was heard by a wandering wind spirit. And the faith of that prayer gave the spirit enough power to create a small shelter to protect them.

When her father past, she became the new leader and also a priestess. She would later lead the clan to fight Decarabian alongside four others. And basically the Gunnhildr Clan ended up as like sworn protectors of Mondstadt

-

as for the red-haired warrior, who is basically assumed to be the earliest known ancestor of the Ragnvindir clan(im gonna refer to as Ragnvindir for convenience sake, even though "Ragnvindir" is technically a different character from Vanessa's era)theres not much information on him, but heres what i have from the various wiki's

- he was a wanderer

- one of the first to use the sign of windblume to find other rebels(so he's intelligent)

- actively propped up the nameless bard so he could watch as the tower was destroyed

there's this little tidbit too from the Windblume Ode bow's description that im probably gonna talk about a considerable amount too: "Atop the ruins of the ancient tower, amidst the cheers, songs, and tears of those who had newly won their freedom. A red-haired warrior turned his back on the newborn god, hidden like a single raindrop in a tidal wave of humanity. He was first among those who passed the secret sign of Windblume, the one who wove threads of dawn throughout the long night. His name has since been lost to time, but his deeds are still remembered in song." followed later by "The fate of this clan will likely never change: they shall ever live in the darkness and bring forth the flame of dawn."

-

Now I'm going to start with the Ragnvindir(geez, why's it spelled like that tho)

My idea of his character is basically formed by a mix of Ragnvindir stereotypes and just generally analyzing text.

So what do we know about Ragnvindir's for sure? they are shady motherfuckers- or at least they rarely operate in the spotlight. also damn, these guys are more cursed than anemo vision wielders- like the only one who didn't canonically lose someone close to them was Crepus, but considering that Diluc doesn't exactly have a mom..... he probably did

so what do we know? - he was close with the nameless bard - he was intelligent - he likely operated primarily from the shadows "ever living in the darkness" - he was a wanderer - he abandoned Venti during the celebration - but his deeds were still remembered in song, so Venti and him were likely still close

now the question of the century: how will i choose to interpret "turned his back on the newborn god"? And honestly, I'm- not sure- at first i assumed he abandoned him completely- but Venti did still make sure to carry on his memory- which could just be Venti being Venti, but for the sake of sanity, this is how I'm interpreting it.

A lot of things happened to the Ragnvindir that day. He lost a friend, saw another become a god to replace the one they had conquered, and he saw his goal, his reason for being in Mondstadt, come to fruition. "see the world through my eyes" the bard had said, and the Ragnvindir had been a wanderer even before. Sure, the people had won freedom, and that was to be celebrated, but he's intelligent to recognize that people would likely see him as one of the key figures in leading the rebellion. And for him this was a solemn time, and ending to a chapter, and not being one to operate in the spotlight, the last thing he'd want is to be swept up in festivities and attention at a time like this.

It also likely didn't help that he's probably smart enough to understand the idea of "power corrupts," and seeing the wind sprite just readily accept the mantle of Archon was likely not the most comforting thing to happen in the given situation after all. But Decarabian was gone, and Andrius had ceased his blizzards, so without a word, he slipped into the crowd and left, a wanderer once more.

-

now back to Gunnhildr

she was the first to receive an anemo vision from Barbatos, no I do not take criticism on this "the power bestowed on her by Barbatos" like please, they basically said it.

It also mentions that she crowned Venti with laurels(symbol of vistory) after the battle- the book Biography of Gunnhildr additionally says "the Gunnhildr Clan will continue honoring the legacy of its ancestors and its duty to the Anemo Archon: to protect Mondstadt, the land and all who inhabit it, forever."

I really like this because it conveniently ties into my past headcanon about Venti granting visions to the people of Mondstadt and having them be the ones to erect wind barriers and defend the city in his absence.

So in the Archon War I like to imagine that the Gunnhildr clan had a lot of people who were actually granted visions and were basically in charge of protecting it from those who would attempt to ambush them.

Mondstadt essentially became known for this- the fact that the mortals within it were strong enough to fend off the force of a god without support from their own.

but regardless, Gunnhildr, as she had before, served as a priestess to Barbatos, the closest thing that Mondstadt had to a ruler, and yet she only took charge of prayer and protection.... i hate to just- equate them to their descendants- but to an extent- her role was kind of like a merge between Jean and Barbara- Except with a whole lot less structure.... i really dont want their characters to just be carbon copies of the descendants but- c'mon, the comparison was right there.

anyways besties- back to Venti so i can tie them in

The Archon War was one of the worst times for Venti in his entire life thus far. And the time immediately after Decarbian's fall, while Gunnhildr and the Ragnvindir were still alive, was the key period of time in which things could have gone very differently.

Venti is the god of freedom. That's a reoccurring theme and I think I've made that abundantly clear. But during this time, Venti was anything but free.

I've mentioned before how he would stay far from the city of Mondstadt so the shockwave of his death wouldn't reach him, should he fall.... well- Venti is new to a lot of things- godhood- humanity- war- freedom- and at this point he was trying hard to figure out how to be Mondstadt's god without becoming Decarabian, and while still being able to survive, and make sure they survived, and see the world for his friend, and carry on his friends legacy.

And this is a lot of stuff for what was once a carefree elemental being, and there were certain things that had to be done for this to happen. He couldn't just stay in Mondstadt, or he would grow weak and his people would be vulnerable to attack, but he couldn't abandon it, because despite being able to fend for themselves, there's always hat just in case. He couldn't stay in any one place outside of Mondstadt for very long or he'd be found and killed. He knew in order for Mondstadt to survive he would have to take an active role in the war, strengthen himself so he could defend Mondstadt, and thats exactly what he did.

He started by going after the less powerful gods, ones he had a chance at beating with the power he got from the Gunnhildr clan and the rest of Mond, and by wiping them out, he would grow stronger, so he kept it up- working his way up the metaphorical ladder.

but he couldn't let anyone near him either, because he knew just what would happen if he was attacked then. Were it not for Gunnhildr's prayer, the early years of the Archon War would have been without contest the loneliest time of his life, and there would be nothing he could do about it, bound by survival and his attachment to the legacy of his friend, constantly fearing for his life and going against his very nature as the god of freedom. Frankly thrust into that circumstance that early on, and having to face it alone, it's likely that Venti would have caved under the pressure and dropped his attachment to either his survival, or to his friends legacy... or just something entirely worse(isolation messes with brains) so I'm attributing the fact that he didn't do that to Gunnhildr's companionship, speaking to him and guiding him through it as he had guided her through the blizzard some time ago.

I also like to think that she's responsible for founding at least a number of the different celebrations that still happen in Mondstadt even now.

Ugh supportive warrior priestess- we stan

anyway meanwhile! we got the Ragnvindir

He hears about Venti taking part in the Archon war during his wanderings and returns to Mondstadt to check in, wary of what he might find.

Venti, who hadn't seen him since the rebellion, is elated to say the least and they do a bit of catching up because they need it

and then the conversation turns more serious, and the Ragnvindir brings up a third thing that Venti needs to hold onto- his humanity.

See, in the early years, just desperate to get a foothold on the world, Venti's first number of targets were just indiscriminately going after those he knew to be weaker than him, and the Ragnvindir points this out, saying that while it's not necessarily bad, if he keeps doing it, it won't be long until he causes his and, by extent, Mondstadt's legacy to be tainted by a reputation for slaughter, no better than any of the other bloodthirsty gods that frequented the war's fields. "Think of what the bard would do, we were both close enough to do that much"

And Venti becomes yet more caged, but recognizes that he's right, and this is another turning point, that in the coming years would keep Venti from losing himself.

also- Gunnhildr, Venti having told her about the Ragnvindir's concerns that he now shared, probably organized some kind of event (not unlike the right of part, but also, yes unlike it) that was deliberately intended and designs to serve as an excuse that Venti could chose to take to visit Mondstadt, something she know he desperately wanted to do, but wouldn't allow himself for fear of putting them in danger. But if she made it an official celebration, then it would give Venti the opportunity to visit his people again, under the guise of it being a responsibility, not having to deal with the moral implications of doing so at a time when he was already dealing with enough of those already.

Also on his travels, the Ragnvindir probably started and spread a number of rumors that could end up working in Venti's favor, not that anyone ever knew it was him of course.

basically Gunnhildr protected the people of Mondstadt and did all she could to keep everyone in as high spirits as possible, Venti included.

And as for the Ragnvindir, he took a more realistic approach, traveling and getting venti followers in far places, spreading false information about him, and just overall making sure that Venti didn't do things he'd regret.

And when they died, Venti would carry their legacy with him as well, not losing his humanity to the tide of war as he very nearly had(though he still often came close), and trying to spreading high spirits where ever he could without fail.

[thetriggeredhappy]

can I request sniper and scout planning a little secret symbolic wedding for themselves? its just self indulgent, since they wanna have this connection so they do a tiny intimate thing for the two of them but then all the two teams show up, ms pauling, sniper's parents and scout's family to celebrate too, and they all have a happy day

i dunno if this one will be coherent or and i dont have a joke for ya so thats where we’re at today

(no warnings)

-

He notices Scout looking at things just a little longer. Scout was a man of motion, of emotion, of elation, so seeing him pause, ever, for any length of time, was enough to pique Sniper’s interest. It had to be a big deal, of Scout was looking at it, and he prided himself on being observant.

So seeing the things he paused in front of—jewelry stores, boutiques, flower shops, at first it confused him, but then he saw what Scout was looking at in them. The flower shops had pretty arrangements right in front, labeled vaguely in some with phrases like ‘arrangements for your special day!’ and less vaguely in others as ‘wedding arrangements available’. The boutiques often with white dresses towards the front, and pictures of smiling couples nearby.

Little cards in the display of the jewelry store window proclaiming ‘engagement rings’.

It didn’t take long to piece together.

A number of issues were present. The concept of legal marriage alone was a big one. First because they were two men, one of whom was shaky in terms of immigration and two of whom were shaky in terms of being legally defined as criminals of the highest degree, potentially legally dead in some ways, and certainly smart enough to not walk into a courthouse. Besides that, the paperwork involved, the idea of getting either of their families around when Scout’s family was constantly on the wind in at least one corner and his own hardly on speaking terms with him, the heartbreak—

But Scout paused when he looked at the engagement rings.

Sniper was increasingly exasperated and helpless against the little voice in his head that seemed to watch out for Scout’s well-being, that said, well, couldn’t he at least try and figure something else out?

So it took some thinking. Some rehearsing his words in his own head. Some justifications being made, torn down, analyzed and readdressed with a clearer mind. And he came to a decision.

And when he next got the chance, he called his mum and had a talk with her about a lot of things, so many of them at least a decade and a half in the making. And she didn’t understand, not at all, not on that first phone call, not on the second. But on the third she took care to assure him that she would try, she really would, she really would, and finally gave him permission to use the old family heirloom engagement ring.

And it was subtle and sudden when Sniper proposed. Scout was sat on the steps of the camper, using Sniper’s pocket knife to pick mud out of the soles of his shoes, and Sniper took a seat next to him, plonked a pair of bottles between them. Scout leaned over to bump their shoulders together, grinning at him, and Sniper smiled too, started drinking his own.

Out clear on the horizon line, most of the clouds hadn’t quite blown far enough to obscure the sun. It would be setting soon, and then Scout would be off to eat with the rest of the team and Sniper would get to his own routine. It was a nice night, though.

Finally Scout flicked the knife closed, tucked it into his pocket best he could, reached for the bottle still sitting next to him, popped it and started drinking before it could foam over (he didn’t know how it always did that, he just had awful luck, apparently).

Sniper finished his own drink before Scout could get very far into his own. Stared out across the desert.

“You good?” Scout finally asked, picking idly at the label. “You seem, uh... I dunno. Sad, maybe. One’a those?”

“No, er... just...” Sniper tried, cleared his throat. Now Scout’s eyebrows were raised. “Nervous, is all.”

“Oh, one’a those,” Scout said, and frowned when Sniper shook his head again, drawing a hand down his face, taking a deep breath. “Is... is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Sniper nodded, took another deep breath. “Yeah. Just...”

He paused for a long few moments. Reached to fish through the pocket of his vest, held his closed fist out to Scout. Scout freed up a hand to hold a hand out, palm-up, still frowning, and pulled it back to look at the item Sniper had dropped in his palm.

Blinked. Blinked. Sniper gulped, wishing he had a drink still, something to help with how dry his mouth had gone all of a sudden, watching Scout’s expression carefully.

“Oh,” Scout whispered. Barked a laugh, like shock more than humor, the volume abrupt. “Oh.”

Sniper gulped hard again, looked away, looked back. Scout’s expression didn’t change in the time he wasn’t watching it. “You seem, er... surprised,” Sniper said carefully.

“Well, yeah, duh, yeah, I didn’t—“ Scout said all in a stumbling rush, and took a breath, and seemed to hold it. His eyes hadn’t moved from the ring since he first saw it. He blinked a few times, barked that laugh again. “I didn’t think you’d want...”

“I do,” Sniper said, voice tight, and Scout looked up at him for the first time in a while, and his eyes widened in even more surprise.

“Oh, shit,” he said quickly, seeming to finally register the nervousness, the fear, the worry, and he surged forward, hands on Sniper’s shoulders, one wrapped in half a fist around the ring. “I, yeah, yes, I, yes to the—yes! I’m—“

And then he kissed Sniper, hard, almost bruising, and it didn’t get particularly far before it was broken by another huff of air against Sniper’s lips, and when he pulled back Scout’s grin was a little weak.

“Just never thought you’d ask me, not in a million years,” he admitted.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to cry,” Sniper teased, entire body awash with a sense of relief.

“Oh, fuck off, you’re the one with the watery eyes here,” Scout scoffed, and kissed him again.

And they both made sure to note that they knew there were more conversations to be had, but those could wait until both of them had a clearer head again, which took damn near a week and a half, both so much more giddy than they’d expected to be, then another week when Sniper next saw the ring, hung on a little chain usually tucked beneath Scout’s shirt, worn around his neck apparently since the day he got it.

He liked the word fiancée more than he’d expected to, and he’d expected to like it a lot, and even then, Scout seemed to like it even more.

And Scout admitted half his surprise up front had been because he himself had no real idea how this was going to work, it was just that the idea of being married made him really really happy. He liked weddings, loved weddings, loved the idea of... of settling into something. That really, marriage was the only kind of settling down that he’d ever liked the idea of. And even if it was just... just something quiet, just the two of them, that was fine by him.

And Sniper had nodded, and there had been a pause, but then suddenly Scout spoke up again with a ‘but, I mean, my Ma is always going on about wanting to see me get married, so I kinda have to invite her to whatever we do’.

That was a good start for the plans they had. No particular pressure on it, really, considering they decided not to tell anyone at first. Sniper started trying to figure out where might be a good place to hold... something, maybe not a whole ceremony, but something. Scout started trying to figure out where to get a suit, and where Sniper could get his own tailored, but they weren’t in a rush, and a few months passed without making much progress at all, nothing even feeling like it had changed except that now Sniper would catch Scout fidgeting with the chain he kept the ring on and grinning.

The first real change came when someone else noticed too.

Pyro, stood in-between matches and pointing at the chain around Scout’s neck as he switched into a less charred shirt and mumbling a question, made Scout stammer. Scout stammering made most of the team turn to look. Then more of them saw the chain there, saw the ring there, and some of the more perceptive ones pieced together a few things rather quickly. It was Demo who first said something, outright asking ‘is that an engagement ring?’.

A beat of silence where all were frozen, then the voice over the intercom rang out telling them they had ten seconds until battle, and Scout was off like a shot towards the gate.

In his absence, eyes turned to Sniper instead, who proved to be even less helpful in that he stuttered his way through all ten of those seconds and the team had no choice but to follow Scout’s lead and leave it for later.

Sniper was hoping that he’d be able to escape the team’s questions after battle if he could make it through the Resupply room before everyone else did. But he realized very quickly that would also mean throwing Scout to the proverbial wolves, and besides that, he couldn’t run from this forever. So instead he kicked around the Resupply for a few minutes waiting for the team to come back from chasing down the other team in the humiliation round, and wasn’t entirely surprised when Scout was one of the first back, expression tight with nerves up until the exact moment that Demo and Soldier came wandering in, elbowing at each other and chatting at well above speaking volume.

Neither of them, apparently, had much to say, besides Demo clapping Sniper hard on the shoulder and proclaiming that it took them long enough, and Soldier brushing off their ‘fraternizing nonsense’ in favor of continuing his argument with Demo. Pyro was in the room next, talking and gesturing enthusiastically, and while Scout was trying to translate to Sniper the Engineer came in and shoo’d Pyro along, telling them to mind their business, albiet with what Sniper would almost refer to as a proud smile aimed in Scout’s direction. Medic and Heavy were in the room next, and all that Heavy seemed to be confused about was the legality surrounding marriage between anyone besides a man and a woman in the United States, with Medic attempting to explain but also largely clueless to the actual logistics of the thing. Spy only stuck around long enough to quip that it was a little ridiculous for any of them to worry about legality of all things, which Sniper wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret.

Demo, across the room, in the middle of trying to unstick his jacket from himself with all the mud coating one side of it, quipped that he’d better be invited, and asked what he had to do to get the best man position. From there, a series of what Sniper interpreted as mostly jokes followed, the team chiming in about their attendance, including a number of them laughing that they weren’t exactly allowed in any churches and Pyro insisting that they wanted to be the one throwing the flowers (and no they would not in fact set any on fire) and Heavy saying that if they couldn’t find a good glass to stomp on then Medic had plenty of spare beakers that he wasn’t using for anything, much to the doctor’s protest.

This became the team running joke for a while, was everyone constantly bringing up the wedding. When Spy stomped into the room fuming because of another perfectly good shirt ruined by the base’s washing machine, the Engineer quipped that oh no, what would he wear to the wedding now? When Soldier got into an argument with Pyro, Demo referred to it as a spat between groomsmen. When Sniper was acting particularly cranky one day (not his fault, the base’s coffee machine was awful and they really needed to replace it one of these days), Spy muttered into his tea that it was a shame Scout had to put up with such a bridezilla, a joke Medic chortled about well into the afternoon.

It might have gotten out of hand around the time that poor Pauling had to hear about it, just trying her best to oversee delivering a set of brand new weapons and explaining their assorted bells and whistles, accosted through her entire explanation by jokes that this was a bit extravagant for a wedding gift, that hopefully she’d at least get time off to attend the reception, that competition for maid of honor wasn’t exactly steep but she’d probably be winning anyways, until finally she snapped that if Sniper and Scout were actually going to get married then they needed to note that on their upcoming contract renewals but to otherwise stop talking to her about it so damn much.

This, Scout said, is when he started feeling bad for not talking to his Ma about it yet. Miss Pauling knowing he was getting married before his own mother felt wrong, he said, and so he spent the afternoon steeling himself to make the phone call.

From the combination of relief and vague dismay on Scout’s face when he came back, Sniper could tell something was up, and it was with a number of pauses in the middle of speaking that Scout explained that he’d barely gotten through the news before Ma had started calling over various brothers to tell them the news too, each taking a turn on the phone to get halfway through some kind of third degree that they needed to pass along to Sniper before actually congratulating him, each asking when they’d need to get down there for the wedding in turn. Apparently he’d accidentally called when some of his brothers were over for dinner, and so he explained to Sniper that word was as good as out, because as much as he loved his brothers, not a single one of them could keep their mouths shut to each other.

And so they both sat down with a calendar and had to pick an actual date for a wedding.

Altogether, the date they picked was a little over a year since Sniper proposed, which felt appropriate, and only a few months from then, just long enough for Scout’s brothers to get time off of work. They decided against a whole entire proper ceremony with a priest and vows and all, mostly because legality being an issue, they didn’t have much a reason to stick to tradition. A few things would end up sticking, though. They’d have seating, because Sniper’s mum wasn’t up for standing around for long periods of time anymore and one of Scout’s brothers had that bad leg and cane from his time in the army. They’d dress up for it, because Scout was truly looking forward to that part, to looking nice on the actual day. Vows weren’t necessarily going to be on-script, but they’d both take a moment to say something to each other, and there would be a kiss, and then they’d have a bit of time set aside for if either of their families brought up any traditions they truly wanted to do. And, of course, there’d be some kind of party afterwards, because they both knew that the team would make there be a party afterwards either way.

What they didn’t expect was how quickly the team jumped to help as soon as they mentioned they’d set an actual date in stone to some degree. The Engineer was quick to offer to help with setting up chairs and tables, carting things around if they needed it, having a truck and all. Soldier was happy to offer suggestions for if they wanted catering, having eaten at and subsequently been banned from every eatery in the county, and Pyro started baking at an until then unprecedented clip as they tried to find the exact right recipe for a good wedding cake because they had to have a wedding cake and it had to be perfect. Heavy, to his credit, pointed out a few logistical issues with having the wedding, namely that it couldn’t be anywhere on the base and that they weren’t allowed in the town of Teufort, and Demo was so kind as to offer up his own house and property, given that it had so much space and he knew his mother wouldn’t mind it and besides that, it was a very pretty place.

And then Spy found in the mail the magazines Sniper was looking through when trying to pick out something suit-adjacent, and he could tell Spy was gearing up to really lay into him about it before Sniper pointed out that Spy should really just stop snooping through other people’s mail, and by the next day he found a pair of order forms in his camper on the table, almost entirely filled out except for a few of the fields regarding things like the color of the suits and payment information.

And then he and Scout were trying on suits, and figuring out which hotels were close enough for Scout and Sniper’s families to stay in, and looking at flowers, and figuring out how many days they should schedule off of work and whether the team would be doing the same—

—and then it was the week before, and one night Sniper found himself standing in the camper with Scout, late at night, half-exhausted and stressed out and more terrified than he’d expected to be, arms tight around Scout’s waist. And Scout held on just as tight, and inhaled, and exhaled, shifting with that breath in Sniper’s grip. And Sniper found himself breathing out apologies, so quiet they didn’t quite catch against the grit in his voice, for causing such a fuss about all this, for things getting so out of hand. And Scout had laughed, had squeezed him tight in arms usually used for hurting people to instead give him so much comfort in that moment, and said that he wouldn’t want it any other way. Anything else and it wouldn’t exactly feel like them.

And the two days before the wedding stretched out infinitely, a mix of terror and impatience lacing his every move, and then the day of the wedding itself felt like it took no time at all.

The sun didn’t quite beat down upon them, a blessing even with them wearing simple vests as opposed to full suits, a scattering of cloud cover making the heat bearable and throwing the sunshine out away from them. And the grass around the DeGroot residence was slippery in the morning, slick under their shoes, and Sniper watched nervously across towards his mum and dad as his dad squinted suspiciously around at things and his mum patted him consolingly about only god knew what. And one of Scout’s brothers had brought a camera and was dashing around taking pictures, and most of the team had managed to dig up assorted formal wear, and the Engineer bustled trying to make sure everything was set up just right as Soldier helped Pyro with carrying the frankly ludicrous cake towards the table somewhere. And on one side was Scout’s family, all rowdy, and on the other was the team, even rowdier, his parents squashed between and being vaguely protected from the team by the more generally responsible ones (namely Heavy, who Sniper’s father clearly approved of in some way for being so imposing, and Spy, who Sniper’s mother approved of on the basis of him being entirely polite). And Miss Pauling was there much to Sniper’s surprise, claiming that she was meant to oversee off-base activities (although he suspected she just wanted the time off and was glad to watch the final nail go into the coffin of Scout’s long-gone infatuation with her). And Medic was so kind as to let Sniper know the other team had left a present at the base for them that morning—assuring him, at his alarmed look, that it was merely a prank dummy bomb set to tick as loudly as possible within the packaging, and a note thanking them for the free time off. That was as much a relief as the cloud cover.

And then the ceremony itself happened, so long before Sniper was ready, as if he could ever truly be ready. And he’d seen Scout’s vest already, but not worn, not standing across from him with a glitter in his eyes and a watery smile and hands fidgeting nervously with grip tape that wasn’t there, face red. And Sniper’s hands were sweaty and clammy, and his voice cracked from the very first word of what he had been rehearsing in his head over and over since he proposed, but the way Scout’s expression shone with pride and love had made so much of that nervousness disappear, and he couldn’t find it in him to be nervous, to worry about the team.

He didn’t have it written down, felt that note cards would make this feel stiff, and he wasn’t all that good at writing down his thoughts regardless. But Scout was sniffling by the end of it, and his own voice had gone rough as he just barely kept it together, so he at least knew he was doing something right. 
And Scout didn’t have anything written down either, and when his turn to speak came, there were a few long moments where Sniper worried he’d blanked, forgotten what he wanted to say. But Scout got there, voice surprisingly steady, surprisingly level. And he didn’t remember all of it, but he remembered some in the middle.

“I still can’t believe you love me, that you wanna stay with me for as long as we can, that you trust me and care about me,” Scout said, “but I’m gonna try, I’m gonna try so hard, and I’m gonna do whatever I gotta do to make sure you know I love you too, every single day, and to earn it. I promise. That’s what this is, is me promising. I promise.” 
And that’s when Sniper broke, the first tears falling, needing to wipe at his face gingerly with his sleeve and accompanied by a general ‘aww’ and chuckles from the crowd of loved ones gathered there, and Scout smiled all the wider.

And Sniper did end up stomping on a glass (not one of Medic’s beakers), and both of them were all but showered in assorted confetti by the family they’d somehow gathered over the years, and there was eating, and dancing, and drinking, and dancing, and by the time the sun started to set down beyond the horizon line he found himself stood there with Scout in the middle of it all, kissing him over, and over, and over again, each and every one a promise that he very much intended to keep, come what may.

“I love you,” he said, again, again, and Scout never once stopped smiling.

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[dantelionwishes]

I WANNA HEAR D'S THOUGHTS ON JEN'S QUESTION Spill the beans! You've even got me curious now!

“Do you think Rose is a good person?”

I’ll answer not just Jen’s question, but generally thoughts surrounding D and Rose’s relationship!! It’s gonna be long because I think about this a WHOOOOOOLE lot, and I seriously mean a whole lot,,, so read ahead!

btw, if you think Rose is a bad person and D hates him, that’s where you’re mistaken! IT’S MY STORY MY HEADCANONS SO IF U DONT WANNA READ THIS THEN DONT BRO HJASGJHASHJ

PRE-ETERNATUS, CHALLENGER ARC

Ive mentioned before, but D and the chairman had a fairly good relationship!!

In-game, rose is very interested in the player and talks to you a lot, so honestly not much changes here

D, in his challenger phase, is forcibly very loud and flamboyant. being overly animated and confident, he’s able to keep up with rose who likes to chat and banter with him 

When d talks to people, he KNOWS he’s being over-the-top, which is why he feels very awkward doing it (when people point it out, it makes it painfully awkward and embarrassing for them. Point in case: bede and Marnie!)

Rose finds him a very interesting trainer and observes D a lot. Its not hard to notice how hard he’s trying, but rose doesn’t point this out and genuinely moves along with what D’s vibes are as to not make him feel any more humiliated 

D is aware that Rose is playing along with his act, and thanks to this it really builds up trust like!! Oh the chairman isn’t making fun of me and genuinely finds me interesting and strong!!!! the chairman!! What a morale boost!!!!!! 

Again, its genuinely (funny and) awkward when D is being his over-the-top animated self, and its easy to point this out (which most people do, from his rivals to other trainers, to even gym leaders) but the only people who dont actively point it out AND act along would be his mom, hop, Leon, and rose! 

in addition, D has a pretty high-pitched voice so its easy to tell he’s trans?? He was worried he was going to be misgendered by such an all-important person like the chairman, but was surprised when rose immediately was just comfortable with calling him a “young man”

Another cute trivia thing during this stage was that they both are wearing shades for their “incognito mode” and D even gives the chairman some fashion tips for the next time he goes out!

It actually pisses off bede with how much rose and d talk;;;;;;  def one of the reasons why d and bede fight hhhh

The part of the plot where they head to rose tower, D was actually very against it in the beginning, saying that he could actually just try and call up the chairman if he wanted to! He tries and tries, but then starts to panic once he does in fact realise that something isnt right 

Even after storming thru rose tower and defeating oleana, d eVEN TRIES TO INVITE ROSE TO THEIR DINNER (MY BOY IS THINKIN: A DINNER WITH HIS FAV PPL!! HOP, LEON, AND ROSE!! the only one missing would be his mom) ……….but r-rose dismisses it with a smile, saying maybe next time…………..

D is a meek, insecure person who is easily broken down, so he really needs a lot of support to keep moving sO JUST IMAGINE this baby boy who puts trust in someone suddenly goes batshit and you have to defeat them with ur own hands????? Wowza. 

POST-ETERNATUS, NEWLY APPOINTED CHAMPION

OH BOY EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THIS FUCKIN GOES IF THEY REMEMBER MY FIRST POSTS JHASGJHHJAS

Ive already shown this via an illustration + a short Drabble, but its only after the eternatus battle that their father-son relationship is revealed

The game really doesnt show how serious the eternatus battle was, but for me: Leon was hospitalised for quite some time and wasn’t allowed to battle D until he healed up. At the same time, this gave D a lot of time to think about wHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

I dont mention it, but this is where his gym leader au starts off from the canon timeline!! At this point, D is calling his mom or talking to hop or just locking himself up and is just generally in a panicked state where he feels like dropping out of the challenge, feeling overwhelmed with what just happened

ANYWAY IM HERE TO TALK ABT ROSE AND D but lets just say his Pokemon convince him to continue!!   

at the same time of his win, gossip went around quick and not only is D now very popular for suddenly defeating the unbeatable champion Leon, but is actually the “villainous” chairman rose’s son!??!?!?!??!! 

POOR SON BOY IS OVERWHELMED ONCE MORE, HELP HIM.

He actually escapes to the isle of armour + crown tundra as a way to give him time to think about this more (isle of armour: personal time for himself to think alone, crown tundra: chance to spend time with relatives he didn’t know he had) 

OK GENUINE RELATIONSHIP ANALYZATION TIME:

After becoming champion, he really didnt go see rose at all, feeling a plenty mix of frustration, sadness, anger, betrayal, but!! his feelings dont simply surround the “oh the adult I trusted was actually bad and lied to me“ or “wtf hes the dad who wasn’t there for me and is the reason why mom is alone how dare he” IT REALLY WAS A MIX OF BOTH HGHHGHH

But its BECAUSE he was close to him in the first place that he knows rose wasn’t just….straight up a bad person or a villain

The important part here was that rose and D were close during the challenger part, and our lad had a lot of time to think about how he was simply a good, misguided man

rose is very passionate about the things he cares about, to the point of doing anything and everything for them (ex. Awakening eternatus for Galar’s sake to the point of accidentally getting darkest day, or even working hard for Miriam’s sake to the point of accidentally never being there for her anymore) 

Yeah, d talked to a whole lot of people to think this over. He learned what happened between rose and his mom while talking to her, and D also learned what happened between peony and rose to further understand what’s up!!

In the process, I like to think both Miriam and peony dont hate rose! D was also an important factor in helping the both of them realise and clear up a few things, and at least, in their minds, stay on good terms with rose 

During both DLC arcs, D is silent at first but slowly n surely starts sending small letters to Rose :’))

YAY ACTUAL INTERACTION????

After a lot of thought on his self-journey, its safe to say that D had felt a lot more comfortable, finally talking to rose after the galarian star tournament arc !!

Ive mentioned before, but its not like D has to start from scratch since they had a good relationship as challenger and chairman beforehand anyway

D wants a dad! He does want to meet his dad, and at the same time rose regrets not making time for his lover and future family, so I’d say after pushing away the initial negative awkwardness they do both have the same, genuine goal in mind to talk to each other and build a good relationship with each other!!!!!!

Ive also said before but like ONE OF D’S FEARS IS…..”WHAT IF I MEET MY DAD AND HES TRANSPHOBIC” YKNO???? So knowing that rose already thinks hes already perfect in his eyes, IT REALLY DOES WONDERS TO A YOUNG BOY YKN O ?? ? ? ? ?? 

Uhhhhh honestly I really dont know how jail works and shit sO LETS JUST SAY D VISITS REGULARLY IF HES NOT BUSY WITH CHAMPION DUTIES!!!

Also I have nO idea what oleana means by “WHERE IS CHAIRMAN ROSE” cos like….iSNT HE JUST VIBIN IN JAIL??????? Lets just say he is sdghjjhsdhj

TL;DR

D had a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time to think about Rose. He does not have any ill intentions or feelings towards him, and the two have a hopeful, slowly budding father-and-son relationship. 

[godwithwethands]

lmao i don't know all your shipping preferences but can i say, i much prefer sam with ba'al than with jack (this might be because i'm a high jack/daniel shipper but also, i just prefer the sam/ba'al vibe over the sam/jack vibe)

I'm a multishipper so I ship pretty much everything simultaneously: I love JackDaniel too 🥰🥰🥰 They are so cute and so good for eachother 🥺

Honestly yeah I prefer the vibe of BaalSam to JackSam as well 👁️👅👁️ But that's personal taste and interpretation of course 🥴

Oh no now I feel like explaining in depth why I love Baalsam and why I ship it... oh no... someone stop me 😩... LET'S FREAKING GO I'M GONNA EXPLAIN WHY!!!!

Mino’s “Here’s why I love BaalSam so much” aka just me gathering up the few baalsam crumbs the show writers, Amanda Tapping and Cliff Simon left in their wake....and baking a cake with those crumbs.

Before I start, PSA: English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there are any mistakes 😭

Okay so I feel like at first I can't explain it without mentioning the differences with jacksam, and to all jacksam shippers: I love jacksam to bits too and they're so good, as the show has showed us multiple times, but I miss a little spice here 😩🌶️

I will also briefly talk about things I have found in Baalsam fics that I adore in (Fic points)!! And link back to fics I love with (x)!!!!

(Mid-writing note: I realize I say a lot about Baal and less about Sam, and that is because I just think about Baal way much than I think about Sam, mainly because we have so little Baal screentime compared to Sam’s screentime. I often wonder how/what he feels and try to analyze his behavior closely. 🥺 I don’t do it as much with Sam, sadly 😭

1. The ship dynamic scale (totally made up by yours truly, me 😎)

I often describe the ships I prefer as "A is obnoxious and B is struggling to stay sane" (maybe because it is a description of my own relationship??? 🤔) (this is exagerrated for fun and giggles don't worry i am fine and happy). They are all a variation of this, in different levels. I'd say jacksam fits level 1, Jack being obnoxious sometimes but in an endearing, jokingly, "aww you're such a goof 😍😂" way, and Sam's not really struggling, she just laughs and shakes her head, her heart full of love for her man.

Baalsam on the other hand. Oh boy. They are on level 5 out of 5. What the hell. Baal is obnoxious, in the villain way. And that means, a VERY extra way. He's mean obnoxious. Putting salt in the wound obnoxious. "if you don't shut up I will punch your teeth in/shoot you" obnoxious. Sam is struggling every minute to stay sane with this crazy motherfucker. He's SO MUCH. ALL THE TIME. But joke's on her, she also thinks it's funny. 🤡 That's her sanity flying out the window.

Seriously, Sam has to put her foot down. She has to play Baal’s game and sometimes be mean too. I feel like Baalsam allows Sam to unveil her true potential. A strong woman who takes no shit from men and 2000 years old overlords. She can be 200% true, smug, mean. Maybe JackSam respect each other too much they wouldn’t dare saying/doing some things like Baalsam would  🤔 Maybe Sam is restrained by everything she lived with Jack, the respect she has for him, the 10 or so years spent having him as her superior officer.

A lot think that Sam got her smug from Jack, but I don’t agree: she was smug from the get-go in COFG. She just can’t be too smug with him around or it’d sound like insubordination. Aint she tired of being nice? Doesn’t she wanna go apeshit? That’s what baalsam is. Sam going apeshit and quitting being the perfect nice girl.

Baalsam is an explosive volcano and it ravaged me 😩💖💖💖

2. Baal is a Villain

Send him to horny villain jail!!! BONK!!! 💥🔨

Baal being a villain is VERY important. Villains are so extreme. Everything he does, he does way too hard and too much. His evil plans? As layered as an ogre. Onion. I meant onion. His wardrobe? Nothing but the finest. His love? He'd give his Queen the Universe.

I love that. Everything he does, it's too much. But it's so amazing. Urghhj I love it SO MUCH. Sam is overwhelmed 😩💖 All of that for HER?? Damn, boi either really wants to get laid with her especially or.. 🙊‼️ I love the concept of a Villain’s Love because it knows no boundaries. A villain won’t be held back by things like morals, the love they feel is disproportionate......AND I DONT KNOW Sam being able to provoke this kind of feeling in Baal’s little snake heart makes me lose my absolute fucking mind!!!!! 

Very important too: even if he becomes a SGC ally in one way or another in whatever AU, Baal will still keep his good ol' villain habits. Sam would try to tone them down, but they will always be there. You don't erase 2000 years of bad habits 😭. His first solution will be murder, and she will go "we talked about this." Classical Enemies to Lovers shit  🥴💖 (x)

(Fic point: When Baal does something so extreme yet so so soooo damn sweet for her and Sam can’t believe it??? 10/10 Or when he acts on his villain plans for distasteful jokes and that puts Sam on a tight spot and he immediately feels bad at the unfair treatment she gets because of him (x))

3. The endless verbal jousting

I love watching them being mean to each other. If Baal goes too far, she /would/ hit him, and he would turn his other cheek saying "Do it again, loved it". What a freak 🥴🌶️ (x)

Honestly I just love their little sparring matches, even more so when they do it in front of an audience. Like lmao guys..... y'all flirting in front of everyone what the hell!!! BONK !! 💥🔨 horny jail for both of you. At least Teal’c seems to enjoy their jousting  😂 He even teases them holy shit, Teal’c is the true multishipper in that show!!!!

(Fic point: When they argue and come to a fistfight (mostly Sam hitting and Baal taking or blocking the hits)? HELL YEAH!!!!)

4. Admitting the other’s qualities

I’ll start with Baal:

Baal seems to appreciate the courage Sam shows in front of him. You could explain her confidence in The Quest by saying that at this very moment Baal doesn’t have an advantage on Sam since she’s the one holding the gun. There is something else, and I will bring it up later.

Let’s talk about Reckoning!!!! The situation is different, Baal actually called for help whereas he was supposed to kill everyone on Dakara. And here goes the little sparring match in front of Jacob  🤡 Sam ordering Baal around??? Being smug as hell??? 10/10 love it

It’s the first time he sees her and he’s taken aback. He should look mad, having a woman addressing him like that. But he looks rather surprised and curious of what’s going to happen next. I can literally hear the little “Hm. Interesting.” in his head. Baal enjoys that smug look on her face. Tau’ri female who??? Who IS she!!! Quick gotta be a jerk so she won’t suspect I’m crushing super hard right now!!!! Cliff Simon decided Baal will be the horny one among the System Lords and holy shit he did just that 😂😂😂 i’m sorry i’m just incohenrently babbling at this point I CANT BELIEVE THIS, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!! you thought that huge ass post was going to be me thoughtfully bringing points and evidence? nope it’s just me losing my shit.

I believe that, despite what Baal says, he recognizes Sam’s intelligence to some extent. He’s just too proud to say it clearly and is too busy testing Sam’s limits. The more I think about it, the more I feel like he really looked for that punch in The Quest. Some kind of... I don’t know... “What makes you so special, as a female Tau’ri, to be on your kind’s elite scout team? How much can you take before you retaliate, if you retaliate at all? Show me what you’re made of.” kind of thing? Baal has shown some kind of interest in Earthlings in the past. He has studied them while living among them and he seems to like how different they are from other humans, Now he knows she’s as fierce as she needs to be to survive in this galaxy.

Have you sEEN his smile and his laugh after she punched him in The Quest? AFTER SHE TURNED HER BACK TO HIM TOO, OH, MY GOD. He really wanted a drastic reaction from her and he got it.

That is a “I love me a woman who can kick my ass” kinda smile if you ask me  👁️w👁️...

What makes me think that it was a test is: after the punch and Sam’s threat to kill him, he stops being so annoying and they can finally work together. But why? Why did he care about being killed? He was a clone, there’s no way he was still hoping to steal the Sangraal from SG-1, so his mission as this one Baal clone couldn’t be fulfilled anyway. That makes me think that he was just testing Sam’s limits, and maybe having a little fun with her.

(Fic point: I LOVE IT when Baal gets access to the SGC and everyone gets on his nerves because he thinks they are all dumb as shit. But when he talks with Sam, he’s not so annoyed. She can keep up with him. Well, sometimes she needs a little help but- Maybe she’s okay to be with sometimes...(x))

Sam’s turn: 

It’s no problem for Sam to admit Baal’s intelligence. However the idea of working with him just makes her go [grimacing emoji]  😭 😭 😭 She just knows he’s gonna be obnoxious pfahahaha But!! She trusts and values his knowledge nonetheless! She knows that teamed up with Baal, they can solve anything. I believe that’s why she asks him for help so easily despite...Well, Baal being Baal.

I feel like, when you put the "it’s a matter of life and death” thing aside, Sam’s desire to learn could push her towards Baal. She knows there is a lot she could learn from him, and they can work together once he stops insulting her every 5 seconds. She can learn from him in those moments.

(Fic point: I love fics where Sam learns things from Baal... It’s usually very sweet, because Sam is absolutely adorable when she’s excited about science and Baal can’t help but melt a little bit when she smiles so bright at him. Thankful.) 

5. Sam’s kindness 

I said earlier that, as we all know, Baal is a villain. But what’s important here is that he is a Goa’uld System Lord. 

No trust, no kindness and love allowed between those guys. Those would leave the door open for treason and low blows. (See Qetesh in Continuum)

(I believe the only Goa’ulds truly in love we saw were Apophis and Amaun’et)

Now what I tell myself is: that must be pretty freaking lonely. In any shape or form. You can’t have friends, because you can only befriend your fellow godlings who will try to kill you at any given opportunity. Same for mates. 🤔 Baal is just alone at the top of his army and that’s all. What if this isn’t enough? He is different from other Goa’ulds.

What if Sam’s genuine worry and thankfulness towards him in Reckoning were the first time he had someone feel those towards him for like, hundreds, or even thousands of years? Not something distorted and stained by any slave-to-god adoration?

He is soooo surprised. He even stutters a little? At a loss for words when faced with kindness, you, galactic overlord? And she looks actually worried about him and his ship about to go down, when before saying thank you, she asks him what’s going on. I like to think that this first interaction shaped what Baal will think and feel for Sam forever....And that it made him a bit soft for her  🥺 Maybe he sees in Sam (and in the rest of SG-1, see: how much fun he’s having with them during The Quest) a possibility for friendship and maybe more, something he hasn’t considered for A WHILE. He seems to be thinking “did she really say that...wait what do I answer to this...uh....Good luck.......ok i said it. damn that was weird.” 

Also can I briefly talk about this??

Why does Sam look so embarrassed in a “Oh god right Dad is right there and saw all of that hUM.” way 😂 I don’t think she felt like it was creepy, since Baal was just responding to her kindness, and she definetely doesn’t want to talk about her being nice to a System Lord with Jacob bjfdjgbfdg

(Fic point: All I can think of is this fic where Sam gets thrown in a prison cell with a badly beaten up Baal (his symbiote is not able to heal his wounds because of a collar he wears), and she refuses to leave him there to die. They escape together 😭💖💖💖 (x))

6. Sam knows Baal will never hurt her

Maybe this is a result of Sam’s kindness in Reckoning, but Baal made it clear to Sam that he would never hurt her directly. And this is what I was referring to when I said “there’s something else” in Sam’s confidence in confronting Baal. This line below activates all of my monkey braincells because what the hell!!!!

That’s “I kinda like you” in Villain language is it not????? Out of all the things Baal could have answered to “You can kill me if you want”, he decides to say “I would never dream of killing you.” with a voice so soft... oh my god. Talking about soft....

Is it me or Baal’s touch on Sam is kind of gentle....like he doesn’t hold her wrist too tight or anything,,,,  🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭💖💖💖 Because honestly, another Goa’uld would have yanked on her arm so hard to put their hands on that hard drive but no no no he just closes his hand on her wrist and lets her go gently when she pulls out of his grip and AM I OVERANALYZING THIS?????? IM SORRY I GOT THAT TRAIT FROM MY DAD!!!!!!! we just have that tendency to watch things over and over again to notice all the small detailsssss

I like to think that afterwards, once the heat of the moment gone, she noticed that, hey. He /could/ have hurt her very badly, she was at his mercy after all. But he decided against it. Maybe because she’s the only one who’s been nice to him for literal cenTURIES????? HHHNHNHNHNHN I CANT!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE SHE NOTICED IT!!!! And that it’s why she’s so confident addressing him like she does in The Quest.

I think I’ve addressed pretty much everything here and I’m going to talk about more things I like about BaalSam but more on the headcanon side  🤔

Miscellaneous: 

About Baal’s host:

I have said multiple times that Baal is different from other Goa’ulds, and I really don’t think it is just an act. 

He is willing to break the god act, change strategies when he realizes there are better ways to proceed, searching for new allies in drastic situations, etc etc... Baal is way more human than other Goa’ulds.

What if that was because Baal let his host’s thoughts influence his own?

Why wouldn’t there be asshole humans wanting to be hosts to asshole Goa’uld symbiotes? Just like the Tok’ra, but on the villain side? (even if Tok’ras are assholes lol) (except Jacob. I love Jacob) (And Martouf) (I don’t like Martouf but he’s the only one with Jacob that I consider a Real Tok’ra) (The other ones are hypocrites) (ANYWAY!)

I love to think that when Baal doesn’t have the flanged voice, it is his host who speaks, as Tok’ras do. I know symbiotes don’t have to talk with the flanged voice but. Having Baal and his host thinking so alike that it doesn’t matter if it’s the host or the symbiote talking makes so much sense to me. It really could explain his different way of thinking. Baal has shown curiosity for humans and how they think, how to better manipulate them...What if it was because of the good experience he has with his host? It could also explain why he’s the horny one amongst the System Lords 😂 He is just very human in a lot of ways.

Now you’re like “ok but what does that have to do with Baalsam” AND YEAH I HEAR YOU !!!! I just think it may be easier to imagine Baalsam for a non-shipper if you see Baal in that light?  🤔 🤔 🤔 it sure helps Sam seeing herself with him in fics 🥴 I don’t know!!! We know so little about Baal, and there are so many possibilites. I’m going way out of the Baalsam remit but at the same time, I strongly believe those who don’t understand the ship are those who stop their analysis of Baal at Abyss. He is so much more than just “that one Goa’uld who tortured and killed Jack in that one episode”. Baal has so much potential that makes this ship work!! Sam seeing that potential makes this ship work!

Sam hosting Baal (yes, the symbiote):

OKAY OKAY OKAY SO!!! This is something I LOVE to bits!!

That’s a thing that is great if as I said, Baal and his host are on the same wavelength. But it can work without it nonetheless.

Sam hosting Baal, consensual or not, is always ALWAYS such an amazing trope. (x) It’s really something that makes me hyperventilate because it makes them so close...so blended...it’s infinitely intimate... When Baal is in love with Sam, it’s even better. (x) I almost can’t describe it because it is so wonderful. Being able to feel each other’s feelings. Baal healing Sam from inside when she’s injured. Sam deciphering his emotions and most importantly the affection he has for her, especially when he still haven’t confessed it? holy shit it’s SO DAMN GOOD!!!!! The silent conversations they can have within Sam’s head, Baal pouring Goa’uld knowledge into Sam’s mind. It’s just the two of them and I can’t express how comforting that is to read.

i don’t know, random stuff I like i guess, I’m almost done: 

He just really craves her attention huh. Look at that smile, so cute...”I’m smart! Did you know I’m smart as hell? Of course you did. But I Would Like You To Acknowledge It.” He’s even bouncing on his heels, i love when he does that!!!! He is turning towards Sam especially too  😭💖 and she’s just ê____ê LMFAO

(Maybe this is just another “it is my speciality and not yours” moment but hey i like to give him the benefit of the doubt 💖)

Baal being “I’m tired of being a villain, I want to be loved now”...Aren’t you tired of going apeshit? Don’t you want to be nice? just a little bit?

Baal using so much petnames so easily... i’m usually not a fan of those but having him saying “my love, my sweet” etc etc oh fuck!!!!! i don’t know wHY it gets me!!! 

A lot of Baalsam fics are smutty, and while I enjoy that, I still think they have so much potential on the spiritual level. They’re both nerds and they both have so many things to learn from the other. (x)

Baal taking Sam on his ship to show her some neat space stuff.

Baal loving motorcycles just like Sam and modifying engines with naqadah.

Guess i’m just gonna link to fics I love now nvkjfdg and that I haven’t linked to already--

In the Lap of the Gods - Rating: M - Sam gets stuck in a sarcophagus with Baal. Really well thought fic, I love it!!!

The Mating game - Rating: M - Ten dates. Can I call this slow burn? It’s slow but not too slow. Please read this, it’s hilarious and so well written like- this fic makes me lose my absolute shit!

The Mating Game: Endgame - Rating: E - Read after The Mating Game. Honestly yEAH!!! Amazing sequel to an already amazing prequel, what else can I say 😩💖 you got some Host!Sam action in this too!!

Enemy Amongst Us - Rating: E - Hmmmm Sam falling for Baal is always yummy 🥴 It has more than that, it’s pretty wild!!!!!!

Those are not all but they are the ones i prefer 🥺💖💖💖 (along the ones I linked during the essay) 

I think I’m done? Congratulations for reading all of this lmao  😭💖 I hope you can see why I love Baalsam so much now!! They are just SO MUCH FUN!!! 

feel free to send me asks and stuff about this TvT/

[positivityforlesbians]

hi i was so confident in my sexuality for years. when i realised i liked women 5 years ago. i could imagine cuddling, kissing them, doing nsfw, etc. but the past few months my mind started making me think of men, topless and stuff. but imagining doing things with them makes me want to throw up. it’s been happening so much that i cant think about women. normally i feel things when i look at women in lingerie, but suddenly im not feeling anything, like something is stopping me. every time i try to think of kissing them my mind doesnt let me enjoy it. like theres a feeling in my stomach stopping me. i was so gay. i related to wlw shows and music videos, now i watch them and it’s like i cant have that. i wanted to marry a woman, i always watched lesbian weddings. i still do. but my brain keeps telling me it has to be with a man. like before when i see a pretty girl i would get butterflies and wanted to kiss her when i see one now i dont get that feeling. i have been in lockdown for a few months which hasnt helped. i have weird tension in my stomach like its forcing me to make me think of men and it wont let me like women. it wont stop. at first i thought it was comphet bc i was kept anslysing every man i saw to see if i was attracted to him but it’s got out of hand. i felt like myself being attracted to women now i feel lost. and keep thinking im attracted to every man i see although im not but it’s like some type of impulse. it just wont stop. im worried i’ll never feel anything for women again. i wanna wake up and all the thoughts to be gone, and to be gay.

Hi, even if it turns out you are attracted to men (which is something that should feel natural, not “forced”, not something that makes a person distressed) it still wouldn’t suddenly make you not attracted to women. That’s not how it works. Bi women exist. So actually this is at least about internalized homophobia, as shown with your sentence : “my brain keeps telling me it has to be with a man”, your brain is not a different entity than you, you are thinking these thoughts but these thoughts can be influenced by a homophobic society, our brains can be tricked easily if we’re not careful enough about our environment and how toxic the messages spread around us can be, especially if we have mental illnesses. If you loved women before then there’s no reason why this would just fly away, i’m not an expert but I suppose you have unconsciously created a wall between you and anything related to loving women. I’ve only heard about people losing interest for the same-sex when they take hormones of the opposite sex in order to transition (but I don’t think this consequence happens frequently either), which is sad as fuck and definitely some type of conversion therapy. 

What you describe is also possibly about compulsory heterosexuality if you really aren’t into men, to quote you : “imagining doing things with them (men) makes me want to throw up” and “ I keep thinking i’m attracted to every man i see although i’m not but it’s like some type of impulse”, all ways to check ourselves to see if maybe we were lying to ourselves all along and homophobes “were always right”. My teenage years taught me one thing, it is that we do not analyze every man to see if we’re attracted to them, what we do is being attracted to people, naturally, and for lesbians that’s never men. We don’t look at women and think “is she attractive, is this one attractive, and this one ?” Like, you know, checking woman after woman and searching for a nice feeling in ourselves. We just feel it naturally, that’s attraction.

Like I said in the beginning of my answer, bi women exist. So maybe it’s that. Or maybe it’s not (see my second paragraph) and in that case you’re going through a tough and confusing moment in your life right now. My advice when things become overwhelming is to get off the internet/ social media for a while to reconnect with oneself, your thoughts, nature, the outside world (even though that’s limited currently), that’s the best thing you can do. A vacation for your spirit. The black screens are causing a lot of troubles in ourselves, studies show that the more time we spend on them the more risks of depression and anxiety increase. There’s too much informations we receive everyday because of them and as humans we aren’t wired for that, I myself took breaks and since this year I am reducing my time on social media (because of depression and anxiety, precisely), it will give you more time to feel. Not analyze, feel. This could help you see things more clearly. This isn’t a light tip, mental health is to be taken seriously. It’s not pleasant to “feel like you have a weird tension in your stomach forcing you to make you think of men and not letting you like women”, and therefore it’s not something normal. It’s a negative feeling you have because you internalize negative thoughts (that you didn’t have before) about being with a woman. I don’t know how to help you more than what I said about reconnecting with yourself, your own thoughts and feelings, you. Xx

[pruinesce-a2]

about all your recent posts for fuyumi i can understand how she feels & the constant fear & anxiety she has. to have incompatible parents & your the eldest so it's always a small trigger could make everything fall apart & your trying your best to keep everything together. you over analyze everything action and word to know if things are still okay or is something going to happen? to want everyone and everything to be fine. the amount of responsibility (1/2)

and sometimes you do want to just crash but you physically can't because it's how you've trained your mind to be always 'breath ur fine breath it's okay breath & get up & fix things it'll get better one day. maybe' you wish you had someone who could take off the weight for just a little bit but what if they don't do it right, what if that means i'm getting weak what if what if what if and it is just a nightmare (2/2)

Also because fuyumi's situation reminds me of mine, you feel terrified of romance and don't believe it actually exists, you have the fear of this repeating but with your own family and you dont want your kids to go through the same thing. Also you've never been responsible for only yourself so you're wondering if you ever will figure out who "you" are really. There's so much of yourself defined by the situation you are in that if it's gone, you don't know who you are (3/2 😭😭)

i’m incoherent bc i just got outta class but yes to pretty much all of this. and also, my friend, me too ! fuyumi is a HUGE comfort character of mine because i relate to her so much for the same reasons - and now i wanna go bit by bit n talk about all the stuff you mentioned because i’ve mentioned it in pieces on this blog but never in full and i just go crazy thinking about her. 

trigger warnings for child abuse, death, and just. general unpleasantness.

first of all in all honesty, there’s really no situation in which endeavor could ever be compatible ( which isn’t a jab at you - just want it to be clear that this is beyond parents that don’t get along ! ). he’s straight up abusive and drove his wife to a complete mental break, as well as, as i’ve said before, y’know. beating the shit out of his kids. i wanna also clarify some things on the timeline before i get started ( i’m not sure if you’ve watched/read bnha, but also this is for my mutuals that haven’t ) - fuyumi is now the eldest living. the todorokis had four kids: touya, the firstborn, then fuyumi, then natsuo, and then shouto. and i want to follow that by linking you to this page, where we find out that..... touya died AFTER rei’s breakdown and subsequent hospitalization.

AFTER.

i honestly don’t know the timeline of touya and shouto’s training.... bc in this panel we see that baby touya didn’t have any burn marks, no bandages, he was fully capable of playing and running around. i also think if he would have been trained the same way shouto was, rei’s break would’ve come a lot sooner, and we wouldn’t have panels like this - i think before shouto, while the todoroki family was incredibly dysfunctional, they still had some semblance of a normal family, and that’s why fuyumi is so desperate to try to have a family again; because she knows and has seen that they were a family, or at least were in her understanding as a child. this seems particularly reinforced for me because natsuo, in the light novel, talks about how he always wanted endeavor’s attention as a kid! he thought it was unfair that shouto was the one who was getting it all, so it implies to me that.... one, they had no idea at first, and two, they had to have had at least a decent relationship with him before.

so i think what happened was.... after shouto’s quirk manifested, endeavor began to change. he started training shouto because he developed the quirk he wanted, all that stuff we already know, and the stress of it all drove rei into pouring the boiling water on shouto, and then we know she was put into psychiatric care. fuyumi was 12.

rei leaving was, obviously, hard on all of them. i think fuyumi was the most disconnected from her mother, because rei saw so much of herself in fuyumi and couldn’t stand it at times. natsuo in the light novel also mentioned he didn’t mind the lack of attention because he had his mom! so it hurt fuyumi, a lot, but she was able to be strong for them because a) she was older and b) she and her mother had a strained relationship anyway.

i headcanon fuyumi was the one who found rei and shouto. she heard the kettle whistle, the screaming and crying from the kitchen, and when she rounded the corner she saw her mother and shouto on the floor as we’ve seen in canon. it was incredibly scarring. fuyumi gets frequent flashbacks and invasive imagery from this event, especially when she hears that kettle whistle / sees her brothers in the kitchen. i’ve said it over and over but she hates them being there, shouto in particular - and i think this is backed up in the light novel when she immediately makes the boys leave the kitchen after shouto tries to come in and help.

i also think endeavor thought shouto was ruined after that. his “masterpiece” was ruined because there was a very strong possibility he’d never recover from that injury, and so endeavor, in desperation, turned to his first-born son as a replacement. his wife definitely wasn’t going to be giving him any more kids, and shouto as far as he knew was out of commission. fuyumi had an ice quirk and natsuo was practically quirkless, if not ENTIRELY quirkless. but touya.... had his flames. i don’t think endeavor initially wanted to train him because he wasn’t the perfect combination that he kept trying for with rei - but here, he’d reached his own breaking point, and touya was the only option left to continue his legacy.

but it’s implied endeavor pushed too hard, or was somehow directly involved in touya’s “death.” i put this in quotes because y’know, dabi is a todoroki theory. and this obviously just made things worse. i’m linking to this page again because it says that rei got worse, too, so much so that she couldn’t see shouto anymore - but it also implies to me that natsuo and fuyumi would still visit. but anyway ! touya dies, rei gets worse, and surely soon after endeavor finds out that shouto, while he’d have that scar on his face, would recover... and still be able to be trained.

so ummm.... now i can talk about fuyumi. all that and we’re JUST getting to her.

i’m kind of starting from the last ask here, but you’re entirely right - since the age of 13, fuyumi has never been able to define herself. from here on, she was entirely shaped by her trauma, and by roles she was never supposed to have fulfilled - i.e., motherhood. as a reminder, shouto was 5-6, natsuo was 9-10, and fuyumi, at age 13-14, truly began to step in rei’s place. so fuyumi starts taking care of the two of them while touya was the one who became isolated while he was trained. and like i said in a couple other posts, her brothers rejected her mothering them at first - i.e. natsuo lashing out and saying she’s NOT their mother and shouldn’t act like it, and shouto begging for their mom all the time and not understanding where she went. fuyumi barely had her own time to process what was happening and process the loss of her mother.

and then touya died. fuyumi probably feels partially responsible for his death, too, in the same way she and natsuo have said felt responsible for not helping shouto - she often thinks she could’ve done or said something to prevent that, too. and as you said, she overanalyzes everything and she’s incredibly hypervigilant to her father’s moods, because his satisfaction is, essentially, paramount to survival. touya died because he couldn’t meet her father’s standards, or maybe because he made endeavor angry, or whatever the case.

and you’re also right about the fact that she has no one to share the burden with - or, at the very least, feels like it. the one time natsuo tried to make it easier on her by cooking dinner, their father forbade him from never doing it again. i can only imagine what this fight looked like, and how scared fuyumi was of something so small turning into something irreparable. fuyumi says on this page they “take turns”, but i only think it ever happens when endeavor’s not home.

not to mention, as a defense and coping mechanism, became the image of a perfect mother to her brothers, and a perfect daughter to her father. always putting the boys first - i headcanon when either of them were sick, fuyumi would stay home from school to take care of them. always making sure her father was pleased and mediating between him and the boys. she developed this personality that consists of nothing but love and gentleness and understanding. i talked about this in my post about her and complex ptsd, but i’ll add the relevant excerpt here, too:

it’s also very common for these survivors to re-experience emotions from trauma intrusively - particularly when triggered. these feelings are often disproportionate to the present situation, but are equal to the intensity of what was required of them at the time of a trauma – also known as an emotional flashback.

fuyumi’s trauma has always put her in situations where she plays the peacemaker, the level head, the kind and gentle and understanding one. and because fuyumi is CONSTANTLY re-traumatized and exposed to her triggers because that entire house is one, it’s become her entire personality.

so fuyumi doesn’t really get to discover herself, at all, outside her trauma. her live revolves entirely around her brothers and her father. i think this also contributes to her desperation to repair her family now, because.... she doesn’t know what else is beyond that.

she’s stuck here. she can’t heal or move on right now.

fuyumi is a busybody because she KNOWS if she ever stops moving, she’ll crash, as you said. and it happens on occasion - but always behind closed doors. she has these.... quiet breaks, before she’s “fine” and moving on the next day. shouto and natsuo have never seen this side of her. she keeps this perfect facade of being put together tight under wraps.

i think the last thing to address with this ask is the aspect of romance and family - and once again, my dear friend, you’ve hit the nail on the head ! to start, fuyumi is deeply afraid of romance. she’s in love with the idea of it, as we can tell from her obsession with soap operas and trashy novels, but in reality it takes a long, long time for fuyumi to ever feel comfortable enough to define or initiate things between herself and someone else. it’s why she’s also always involved in people who are very straightforward, who won’t keep secrets from her, because she needs clarity in a relationship always. not to even mention a family of her own - fuyumi is so terrified of becoming her mother. even now, it’s why she refuses to let her brothers in the kitchen with her - because she knows how alike they are.

what’s really incredible to me is that despite all of that, fuyumi’s love and optimism and empathy and all that kindness and gentleness for the world is still very real and true. you can see it in the way she smiles, it’s in the way she sees the little things in people and remembers them, it’s in the unconditional love and understanding she gives to her friends and partners, the care she takes in tending to the family garden, the attention to her students - she truly embodies the good of humanity, the good of people - an aspect of her character that i love is how entirely mundane she is, and yet... she’s so, so special. her path to healing will always begin with forgiveness (though once she’s able to get away from endeavor, she’ll never be around him again), because she’s not a person that can live with anger in her heart, and i will always love how that’s presented as an entirely valid thing to do.

as a final addendum to this post, nearly no one knows about any of that. fuyumi won’t talk about it unless it’s entirely unavoidable, and even then she tries to make excuses and dance around it. like.... she stops up, she can’t speak. she freezes and completely stops functioning. ironic considering how openly her brothers will talk about it.

so anyways. i don’t think you expected this long winded answer, but i couldn’t help myself. thanks for sending this in !

[satanfemme]

what your favorite headcanon people have made about the ultra vs / each v? also (if you would like to say) whats your least favorite headcanon people have made about them?

ok let me think! this is just off the top of my head so I might be forgetting some things but Lets Fcking Gooooo

vinyl: fav hc: saw someone a while back say that he used to make vinyl records in the city out of old x-ray scans (which is a real vinyl making technique afaik!) and that imagery has not left my mind since, even tho my vinyl hc is desert (neutral) born, its just so Good!!!!

least fav hc: a while ago a few people, in response to "all killjoys r trans" headcanons, said things like "all of them r trans except cherri" or "all of them are trans except vinyl" and HELLO???????? its HAUNTING to me what (internalized)transphobia makes people say, like 1. why must there be a token cis in the first place? disgusting. 2. why is it always those two characters... is it cuz they present so masc and u cant imagine a trans man looking like that? incheresting....No Comment. and 3. vinyl (and cherri for that matter tbqh) do NOT even look cis/traditionally-masc, like u really think a cis man could pull off heeled boots and a bright red jumpsuit? I HAVE to laugh. ffh fhfhdjfhfhfjdrhdnk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vamos: fav hc: my own hc but! neogender and pronoun collector vamos!!! love thinking of fae just. collecting shit! vaya does too to an extent but especially vamos does!

least fav: that fae and vaya aren't twins. I know them being related was never Confirmed canon but its so... Coded imo with how twins are commonly portrayed in media And its such a commonly accepted fanon thing (to the extent that just saying "the twins" is enough that people know who u mean) that it rubs me the wrong way for them to be seriously headcanoned as unrelated but mostly/especially when like. they're hc'ed as not being related so that they can be shipped. :/

vaya: fav hc: again my hc but I do still like thinking bout vaya as an artist, drawing comics and making zines, or at least contributing to zines, theyre the ultra vs token artist and!! theyre just so talented and good!

least fav hc: see above at vamos' hfgfh

volume: fav: Ive seen a Few headcanons like this but Anything about him living up to his name Gets To Me :'3 I Love him so much. Ive seen hcs like that he got his name from being scolded in city schools for being too loud ("volume!") and Ive also seen just "he lives up to his name, shouting and laughing" headcanons and theyre are just SO good and so tangible of a characterization

least fav: seen a few "he wanted to leave the ultra v's" headcanons and I Always hate those headcanons with any of the vs but with volume they just Suck, imo, cause hes in the comic so briefly that like. yeah. i Guess that couldve been the case. but why do u wanna headcanon that, like what does that accomplish when he already left the crew against his own will by dying, hello???? in my hc he did want something more and did consider leaving because of that quite a few times but the v's are his family so he would Never actually want to leave with any seriousness. imho.

val: fav: more of a "text-based interpretation of his character" than a headcanon but val being like That cause he's just. ill. instead of being """"evil"" will always always be such an important characterization to me like. ik Ive analyzed this before. what he did was wrong but his motivations are Super clear if u actually read his/the twin's dialogue and also just. contextually with how killjoys in general are. murder is... not the biggest deal to any of them. so like. bro he was just going Thru It, give him a break!!!! sorry I cant think of more coherent things to say on the matter rn but Ill fcking dig out that masterpost of analysis I made months ago if u want (thats rhetorically Im not gonna do that) I dont even care about woobifying him rn Im living my best life rn and its val velocity appreciation hours

least fav: similar to above but Genuinely when people paint him as an irredeemable villain it bugs the HELL out of me. yes he was an antagonist and yes he was mean etc etc I Know but people singling val out for killing random people as if all of the vs/killjoys werent on board (if not actively participating) with that rubs me the wrong way when, at least in my interpretation of the text, he was super canonically having some sort of breakdown while also being one of the Only killjoys who was trying to actively fight against their oppressors like if u want to hate him for something like him being mean to the girl then VALID, yeah, dick move, I get it, but if u say that him killing whatever random people cause he thinks theyre the spies killing his family means that hes obviously 100% some evil monster And Then u get joy out of just endlessly dunking on him and how much u hate him for being so evil and awful its like come ON. idk what to even say to u I know Im bias but that just feels Gross to me <3 just my opinion, val velocity did nothing wrong club, bye!

[bloopbyoop]

weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 

x :D

[kainetestament]

WandaVision Theory

Good Day Everyone, my 1st post for the year 2021.

I was unable to post anything back then (because Tumblr is not letting me post images), and now I am posting for possible theories for WandaVision, and this is as of Episode 7. Please be reminded that this post contains spoilers, so if you don’t wanna read them, you have been warned and you can go back. Also,  I’m gonna skipped on some references as those has been tackled by others already (such has Malcolm in the Middle, Kick-ass, etc), I will focus only on Marvel related franchise, character behaviors and sentence phrasing interpretations.

For those who hasn’t seen it yet, we can simplify that WandaVision is a Online Drama / Sitcom style series by Disney and Marvel Studios that stars both Wanda Maximoff and the Vision. Wanda and the Vision are trapped in the world of sitcom and is being broadcasted to S.W.O.R.D temporary base. So far, Episode 1 takes back in 1950′s sitcom, episode 2 is 1960′s, Episode 3 is 1970′s, Episode 4 is current reality, Episode 5 is 1980′s and Episode 6 is 1990′s, and now its the current era (based on the console game the kids are playing which looks like a Wii).

But before we jump to that, lets talk about first the "WandaVision Plot Leaked" which was first published in 4chan and someone reposted it on reddit (I dont have the name so I'm sorry).  Of course when I first read it, I was also skeptical about it, but at the same time, lets give it the benifit of the doubt and lets see which one will come true and which one is not.

I just numbered and bolded them for easier read, and added ❀ for my side comments about the "plot leak". Also, I'll refer to X-Men Pietro as PETER (because that's how he's called in that world), and ATJ as Pietro.

1. Wanda is a SWORD agent after Endgame which you might already know includes Darcy, Jimmy Woo and Monica Rambeau.

❀ No conclusive information yet, though not impossible because we saw in Episode 5 Wanda stormed into S.W.O.R.D HQ, looking angry and took Vision's body. Hayward said in his comment that its a highly sensitive material and Vision's body location considered a top secret. It's impossible to get this information unless she has an access to it or at least someone she knows has.

2. Woo was recruited from FBI to SWORD to keep check on superpowered beings after Sokovia Accords lost influence.

❀Agent Woo is indeed working in partnership with S.W.O.R.D as of the moment, but he is still wearing his "FBI" vest, indicating he’s still with FBI and is just working alongside with SWORD because he was with Monica and witnessed her disappeared.

3. Wanda was sent to investigate as a SWORD agent..but she was also a part of the team to keep check on her.

4. Wanda as of now is placed in a real illusion. The sitcom world she sees is real with real people of the town – but one can't see so from the outside.

❀ This is true, this is the current event going on in the series.

5. Wanda came in contact with Mysterio who allowed her to gain Vision back and live a peaceful life – based on sitcoms she used to watch as a kid.

❀Mysterio, a lot of people commenting ill about him (for this post – and was thinking it could probably be a typo for Mephisto), but if we look at the timeline, Spiderman Far From Home is set 8months after the blip reversal, WandaVision however, is 3weeks to a month after the blip was reversed. In Episode 4, Hayward mentioned "It's been 3 weeks, and you're first to report" to Monica, and if we go back, the huge TV screens (just after the Marvel Intro) in SWORD's HQ lounge captions the news with "Globe Celebrations Continues" "The Blip Brings Back Loved Ones" indicating the blip just reversed.

6. Mephisto will stay close to the couple and keep watch over them (he is in the rabbit currently). His plan is to obtain Wanda's kids in the hopes they'll be powerful sorcerers he can control. He deems Wanda too dangerous to control in the long run.

❀Agness is INDEED keeping a rabbit and has been seen in Episode 2 and current Episode 7. But whether that is Mephisto or not is not yet conclusive.

7. Sword is trying to maintain contact with Wanda who is lost in her subconscious. Whenever she realizes it, she rejects it.

❀This happened in Episode 4 when Agent Woo and Darcy tried to contact Wanda from the outside the HEX using the radio.

8. The entire show isn't gonna be a sitcom as marketed. We'll see Wanda fighting Sword near the end until Woo manage to make her realize that she's lying to herself.

❀Still inconclusive if Agent Woo will really do that but she already confronted the SWORD in Episode 5, Hayward is indeed planning the attack.

9. The couple will face numerous villains in the final episodes – the ones who were manipulating them...!

10. Kathryn Hahn's Agnes is Agatha Harkness. She was a witch who was given away by her son (I'm not sure if her son will appear onscreen or not) and was burnt alive.

❀It is finally revealed in Episode 7 that Agness is indeed Agatha Harkness, but we will probably find out if she was sold off by his son in the next upcoming episode.

11. She too made a deal with Mephisto who allowed her to live. She befriended Wanda for her children but will become an actual friend to her.

12. However by the end she will be possessed by Nightmare who'd take advantage of Wanda's powers to break open the Multiversal seal – which will of course carry forward to DS2.

13. Dottie will be revealed to be Clea.

14. Grim Reaper will act as Ralph – Agatha's "husband" who Vision would go against in the climax.

15. Sword has a special device which was implanted on Wanda before she was sent. Essentially the events going on are being translated by her subconscious as a sitcom which can be seen by Sword agents (like Darcy) who are confused about what's happening with Wanda.

❀Still inconclusive but not impossible considering Darcy is the WandaVision sitcom.

16. Monica managed to enter Wanda's town while she was asleep in a helicopter. Sword will again try to break in. ❀Half wrong, half right - Monica sent a drone helicopter inside the HEX and Wanda first felt its presence as shown in Episode 2 (after the Marvel intro) when Wanda was still asleep (she heard noises), and in Episode 4, Monica came close to the HEX after her drone disappeared and got sucked inside of the HEX.

17. Monica would try to help Wanda realize the truth after getting her conscious back, but Wanda will get pissed off when she says her Vision isn't real and will throw her away from the town (to the outside world) using her powers.

❀Half wrong, half right - Monica is indeed making Wanda realize the truth and this occurred on Episode 7. In Episode 3, Wanda did sent Monica out of the HEX calling her an outsider when she commented that Pietro was killed by Ultron, not because Vision is dead.

18. Quicksilver will return! And I know it sounds stupid, but Evan Peters is playing him. Aaron will appear in a couple of episodes.

❀Indeed, Peter (Even Peters) of X-Men Universe showed up at the end of Episode 5 and is present the whole Episode 6, and Pietro (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) did appear in flashbacks (so far).

19. Wanda slowly starts remembering a few people of the outside world (including her brother). She is trying to figure out if she had a sibling herself, finding it weird why she wouldn't remember him.

❀Inconclusive - so far, it is projected that Wanda is in a state of denial. Though other than Vision, not a single one of the Avengers are mentioned here by her.

20. Meanwhile her subconscious starts to associate powers of the heroes she has known to random civilians of town.

21. She has twins Billy and Tommy who also have powers. One of them has superspeed and she remembers her brother (but not fully).

❀True - Wanda now have twins and Tommy is shown to have super speed, as shown in Episode 6 and Billy having telepathy, clairvoyance and telekinesis, similar to her mom’s power

22. There's one more. Vision will feel a bit weird none of the kids look like him. So they'd create a daughter based off Vision (Viv).

23. Quicksilver returns played by Aaron. However the presence of a real dead dude starts breaking the illusion. ❀Yet to happen but, makes one wonder how he'll get back to life.

24. Grim Reaper (Ralph) will be revealed and he befriends Quicksilver. He'll get him written out of the show and Quicksilver gets recast to Evan Peters.

25. The only one who finds it off is Viv. She is confused why Quicksilver doesn't look the former one. She tries to make others realize that. But they think she hates her uncle.

26. There will be a rerun of all the sitcom episodes. Wanda will break out from her illusion midway in the show to her actual living room in her subconscious.

❀I'm not sure of the rerun as its yet to happen, and I'm not sure if this break out of her illusion is the one that happened on current Episode 7 where Wanda fixed the couch and the TV.

27. Vision here is nothing but a puppet. At this point Wanda realizes the entire illusion but she gets heartbroken realizing her children weren't real.

❀It is already implied that Vision is indeed a puppet. Wanda realizing everything is an illusion is yet to happen.

28. She flips the channels to find her children again and decides to enter the sitcom-y world once again.

29. Darcy will end up there too and she will reveal Vision the entire truth (having watched all the sitcom episodes and analyzed what causes the changes).

❀Exactly as shown in Episode 7.

30. Wanda will be unwilling to leave her world even after her fight against the Sword stops.

31. Mephisto will take control of Quicksilver's body. Agatha will turn on him.

32. Wanda will try to send Quickie back to his universe in the end with Agatha's help but Nightmare will use it as an opportunity to seize control of Agatha.

33. The Nightmare part will only be revealed to the audience (not Wanda herself). Story carries over.

34. There are flashbacks of Wanda's life. A lot of which are seen by Darcy who tries to understand the extent of her trauma.

35. Yes Aaron will appear in flashbacks. Wanda will be shown a lot of these in the final episodes where she'd also find how the Mind Stone just unlocked her innate powers.

❀He did

36. Evan Peters will tell how in his universe Mutants are pretty common (just a tease).

❀ If this is true, then its only Peter will be the only mutant to appear in the series.

37. The ads in the show are all related to her trauma. There will be ads about Pietro's death, Lagos explosion and even a vacuum cleaner based on Thanos.

❀ The Ads - somehow true, related to her trauma. The first commercial with the oven possibly be a reference to Age of Ultron where commented Pietro and Wanda commented that when they were 10y.o, a bomb shell fell into their house but did not detonate, they were staring at it for 2 days because they were trapped and waiting for help while thinking every shift on bricks will set if off. Episode 2 has the Strucker watch referencing also to Age of Ultron where Strucker experimented on them using Loki’s scepter. Episode 3 is about escaping reality with the Hydra Soap (with the shape of the Tesseract), Episode 5 with Lagos Paper Towel representing her messed in Captain America Civil War when she tried to save Cap, Episode 6 with the animation of Yo-Magic with a Shark talking using a caption "If you're hungry, eat Yo-Magic", and lastly Episode 7 with Nexus medicine that promotes killing when you are depressed.

38. The couple in each of the ads is her parents who are acting as stand-ins for events based off her trauma.

❀Yes, that is the speculation.

39. Vision will help Wanda accept the reality and move on. He gives her his farewell and fights Grim Reaper, hoping to destroy the dome after sacrificing his life.

40. Wanda saves Vision in a scene which mirrors Age of Ultron. He will return back to real world along with their children, Agatha, Quickie and rest of the town/Sword.

41. Wanda is happy Vision is alive and sings a song to him, but it turns out he is effectively rebooted after the fight. Unable to bring his memories back, Sword leaves with Vision.

42. Her children are also hidden by Nightmare-Agatha. Wanda gets torn and tries to move on, unaware to her Nightmare is opening up the Multiverse for unknown reasons.

I will end this first here as the post is getting longer, and will continue with the part 2 and will discuss it further.

[keiishin]

boyfriend!oikawa hcs

hi i’m back lol continuing with the bf headcanon series feel free to send in requests for who you want next in this series!! sorry this is kinda long lol bb tooru is my fave so i got a lil carried away 🥴

being in a relationship with oikawa would be a lot of work tbh but it would be WORTH IT

like the two things he loves the most are volleyball and you and he would really love it if those two things could be together as much as possible

if you play volleyball then he’d LOVE to just like play pepper with you whenever there’s a stray ball lying around like just goofing off and chatting while casually passing the ball back and forth like omg he would love that

for this reason there’s always a ball lying around whoever’s house youre at so even if you aren’t at a gym you can play as much volleyball as possible (although sometimes when you’re playing just like in someone’s room one of you accidentally loses control of the ball and it breaks something or knocks something over which prompts the two of you to jokingly argue and blame the other person like “maybe if you hadn’t tipped the ball so short i would’ve been able to play the BALL” “that ball was perfectly playable!!”) (the “arguments” dont last long tho bc one of you always breaks and starts laughing and everything’s all happy and playful again)

the two of you would watch games together as a date night like you’d just curl up on the couch together with popcorn or something and just put on games from the other schools so you could analyze their plays together and talk about strategy

or sometimes he’d put on a seijoh game (ofc one where they win) just so he could talk about how good he looks and brag about his team (not like he needs to bc you already KNOW)

if you DONT play volleyball that’s totally cool too don’t worry!! he’d still love you uwu

of course he’d wanna try and teach you a couple things hehe yes he’d make sure you at least know all the terminology and stuff

also you better come to watch all of his games !!! he expects you to be front row watching and cheering for him !!

if you can’t come to a game for whatever reason expect him to be v pouty and whiny for the rest of the day (you can make it up to him with cuddles and kisses though)

when you come watch he’s extra flirty and shows off way more than usual and his team low key hates it lol but they love you so it’s fine

when they win you’d better be there as soon as they leave the court and he’ll give you a big sweaty hug and an even bigger kiss like he’s so happy and you’re happy for him and you don’t mind that he’s sweaty (his teammates think it’s gross lol and iwa always makes fun of him for how clingy the two of you are when you’re together)

the rare times they lose....oh boy

he’d be pretty cold and brush you off at first like “it’s fine,” and just cooly walk out straight faced and not showing any emotion

as soon as you’re back home tho and out of sight of his team mates he’d just come to you and break down in ur arms :( he’d feel like it’s all his fault and you’d have to constantly reassure him he did his best AHHH okay i’m gonna stop here i don’t wanna get all sad and angsty

ANYWAYS volleyball aside whenever he’s not at practice he’s with you

if you go out for a date you guys like to do cute quirky little things like go to a board game cafe or go stargazing or something or honestly ?? just going for a walk together hehe he likes to be in public together so he can show you off

oikawa is all about pda omg like nothing gross but like he Wants other people to know you’re together mayhaps he rlly loves leaving hickies on you in visible places oop

but if you decide to stay in guess what there’s not a moment you aren’t touching each other like you thought y���all were clingy before?? when it’s just the two of you it’s even MORE

cooking?? he’s got a hand around your waist of youre hugging him from behind or something. watching stuff together?? you’re all tangled up in each other’s limbs. so much affection hehe

also lots of time spent in whoever’s room together if u know what i mean hehe

too often y’all will be just innocently cuddling or kissing softly or something then someone’s hands start wandering and like the flick of a switch things are more passionate and urgent and heavy i mean it’s bound to happen when you can’t keep your hands off each other

this leads to so much teasing in the change room mostly from the other third years lol like more often than not he’ll be all marked up from you sometimes in places he doesn’t even know and there’s sO much giggling and teasing (he loves the attention tho so he doesn’t mind)

the two of you would have little arguments fairly often but usually it’s nothing serious and you’d resolve it very quickly too and no hard feelings it’s good your communication is v open and that’s how you guys can be so close y’all understand each other so well

anyways yeah in summary having oikawa tooru as ur bf would just be full of affection and goofiness and fun and it’d be so nice ;—;