#i could say something but again!! ill sound delusional and wrong

[too-late-chomp]

I wish people understood what it's like to be paranoid

[rotisseries]

scott and malia show up and theo and liam tell them and show them the bodies ans earlier scalia tried to get peter (malia's dad) to join the fight against the hunters but he refused and he just randomly shows up to where scott malia and thiam are gathered like "lets hope this thing doesnt feed off desperation because this room reeks of it." you got that the fuck right, theo's in the room. and he says something else about his perfect car being blown up with him in it by hunters and now he wants the demise of anything that could have caused that and pointedly puts down a charred wheel on the window sill and it shows liam looking back at theo like "yikkkesss😗👀" i thought it was soooo funny and kinda cute and very close after the desperation quote . i wont talk about it tho. ill sound delusional

anyway you may be thinking, jayme, you said scott has been chill with theo, everyone seems like theyre tolerating him just fine, maybe its okay now, they dont have to forgive him but maybe they understand hes trying. im here today to tell you, this is 100 percent not true. scott and malia are tolerating him bc desperate times desperate measures its supernatural vs hunters/humans and theo is unfortunately willing to help. because hes .. yk supernatural. but they will never accept him. like even if scott knew about the dread doctor thing, (which he kinnndaaa does because the dread doctors called him a true failure IN FRONT of scott and he saw how theo reacted.) he also knew deucalion was manipulating theo, leading him to kill his pack. i dont think he would really. care. like scott is very nice but i dont think he could understand him. and also theo KILLED him so i mean. the sympathy only goes so far. hes never gonna be truly comfortable around him again. i think he'll try tho. for liam. and malia. she holds grudges. theo shot her in the stomach and left her to get killed by her mom so. she hates his fucking guts and never wants to see him again but too fucking BAD liam is making him show up to every pack christmas i know it in my soul. anyway liam is bonded to him, he's quickly becoming anchored to him and learning to lean on him and listen to him in crisis and when hes hurt and angry. so. he likes him. he wont say that tho (atm. post s6 4 sure). stiles also rather kill himself than see theo again but he's gotta fucking deal. he likes to make his assumptions about people. not saying theyre always wrong im saying he doesnt Like being wrong and rarely is so hes gonna stick go what he thinks about theo. and continye being suspicious and skeptical of him and make snide comments for the rest of his life. mason saw the aftermath of what happened that night when theo killed scott and. yeah. not fond of him either. and i dont think lydia has strong feelings on the matter besides with tracy being dead. kira hates him but shes not here anymore. so doesnt matter. and corey. corey dislikes him. i think thats the best way to put it. hayden hates him but shes gone. and also idgaf what she thinks😐.

anyway next episode will show you just how deep a certain persons hatred runs. and its the worst possible one and i WILL explain why in detail. 

they can't hold on to that anger that's LITERALLY liam's poor little meow meow

[009720kakashi]

narasnooze

True. Very true. He didn't appreciate surprise grabs, either. Yet, he did not let go. He didn't let go the first time Kakashi indirectly asked him to, nor the second time. Nor the third. He didn't hold him tightly, but his fingers were still hooked around the wrist. Let go. But it's warm.. 'I'm your boss, I'm twelve years older,...' Well, quite frankly; I don't actually care. It's nothing. And you're also a friend to me. 'Even if you.. I shouldn't have.. I'm sorry for...' "Please, don't be." he said, but fast and quiet. Perhaps thinking he only thought the words as the previous ones. But he remained silent for the remaining words of Kakashi while listening, going over sentence by sentence twice in his head in an attempt to make himself understand what on earth he, himself, was thinking. Because simply, Kakashi was right. He was fine, but then, why was he not leaving it behind? He was fine. Kakashi was fine. So why wasn't he... fine? Idiot. Because being fine and leaving it be with a shrug meant no– "More. Again. Sometime." he said, swallowing. In his head there were longer, more understandable sentences, but apparently only simple sparse words would have to do. "No strings attached. Casual." What did he want? Well, something nice, safe and warm, but uncomplicated. To not always be alone in the dark. It hadn't been the bed, after all. However, what he wanted was selfish. Kakashi probably did not want it, Shikamaru was sure. Though, he should stop assuming things... It was quite rude. But it also very rude to think he'd want to repeat the previous night. At any case, he'd been able to be a bit more honest now. It was out there. His words had been spoken. No turning back now.

Shikamaru continued keeping his wrist hostage. Though it was not a firm grip. Nothing Kakashi could not have pulled out easily. He didn’t though. 

Eventually he was done with his little speech. The reply he got then was absofuckinglutely not what he had expected to hear.

“Hm?….Excus…wha..what?” he asked sheepishly, tilting his head to the side. Nah…he could not have heard that right could he? After all he was getting old, his hearing was probably getting really bad. Ok...since Shikamaru was following up with…’no strings attached…Casual’ he probably had heard right. 

He just stood there, unmoving, staring at Shikamaru. What was he supposed to say to that!? That there was attraction had become very clear last night. It was equally clear that this was just a very bad idea. Maybe under different circumstances but then what circumstances?… Preferably the ones where I’m not his boss at least …his brain offered helpfully. Unfortunately with that logic he  could not have sex at all anymore aside from civilians and Shinobi from other countries. In the end the Hokage was every Shinobi’s boss in Konoha.   

“Why?” Maybe he should be a little more precise there. Because the answer to that was obviously ‘getting laid’.

“Let me rephrase…why me? Why not some less troublesome partner for this…I don’t know…Kiba… or…Gai if you like older guys.” Alright…he began to sound like a pimp now.  Still just seconds ago Shikamaru wanted to drown himself because of the audience. Kakashi did not see anything wrong with ‘friends with benefits’ in general. It’s not like he hadn’t done that before. It was just that there were way easier partners if Shikamaru was interested in something like that.

“A one time thing like yesterday can be easily kept under the rug…repetitions? I honestly don’t know…this is still a Shinobi village and I’m still Hokage unfortunately. Can you deal with the fallout? No matter what ...this would be troublesome and you don't like troublesome.” It was not an outright ‘no’ to Shikamaru’s suggestion. Just an honest question before he could even consider it. Casual or not it was delusional to think that there wouldn’t be comments. 

"I'm used to people speaking and thinking ill of my family since I was 7...Hokage or not there are still enough people not thinking very highly of me and that is fine." He didn't think highly of himself either so he could not blame them really.

"Someone with less...baggage might be more reasonable."

narasnooze

He gasped slightly for air, "I like breathing too much, I think.. Are–" Shikamaru watched Kakashi leave the water and wave to him. It honestly stirred up a strange feeling of weight in him, like remorse, among others. He had made it weird, hadn't he? By being so embarrassed, shy, stupid and unconfident in such a normal thing, really. Well, it had been quite unethical of him to jump his boss. Not even Kakashi could deny that, right? What's worse is that he probably would have done it again. "––Ahm, right. Okay." Again forgetting, or rather ignoring the ANBU, Shikamaru got up from the hot water and hurried inside after Kakashi, grabbing his wrist. Perhaps he should have just let the man go. Be alone. Be free of him for a while, finally. But it just didn't feel like a good way to part. Not with how strange Shikamaru had made it in the end, anyway. "Kakashi, I'm really sorry if I pulled you into something you regret now. And I will stop making it weird. ..After this. I really get along with you. We work well together. I don't want to ruin that. So, before you go, I just.. I just want you to assure me that we're Good. Again. ...even though I'm probably testing your patience right now asking for the very same assurance you've already given me earlier, a few times." Nobody's perfect. He knew he could be very infuriating at times. He'd driven Asuma to a near boiling point many times, after all.

He had not been in a hurry so he had basically just made it inside when he felt someone grab his wrist. The only reason Shikamaru did not land on the floor for that was because Kakashi was very certain it was him. Also there were 3 ANBU guarding him and he was a little less jumpy than he had been.

“First things first…you know…you are very lucky I’m not as jumpy as I used to be. Surprise grabs from behind usually do not go over too well with Shinobi. You can ask Gai how well that went some years ago. So in general I do not recommend...second you will stop making the sex thing weird by grabbing my wrist  while both of us are naked? That is a pretty interesting approach I must say” he said turning his head, looking over his shoulder to catch Shikamaru’s gaze.  

“Maa you can let go now ne? I’m still naked I won’t run anywhere.” That would be a fantastic sight really. Maybe he would get rid of that Hokage thing after running around naked through Konoha though.  

He really did not need to have this conversation butt naked but it was what it was. 

“You are not testing my patience” he said with a sigh.

“As I have told you before. This is on me. First I’m your boss and second I’m 12 years older than you. Even if you initiated this I should not have gone along with it. I’m hardly a helpless damsel in distress ne? I misjudged it and I’m sorry for that. Despite everything you went through your generation still grew up differently. You guys have relationships, marriages, kids. So I suppose the attitude is also different. I think it’s quite apparent that Asuma and Kurenai were a rarity. I have never done relationships for obvious reasons. I have been pretty much on mission constantly since I was a kid. So sex has always been casual for me and rare since it first tends to not fit mission schedules and second to get your pants down you need a bit of trust your partner does not try to murder you immediately” he stopped for a moment.

“Shikamaru I’m good but I do get a feeling you are not. However I do not know what else to tell you…because you keep on saying you are fine and that this is all on you anyway…which again is not true …but then act like I took your virginity. I honestly do not believe that this went past you so far but just in case…I’m really bad with people. I’m not just saying it to play quirky ne? So what is it that you want? Because that assurance you request cannot really be it since you already got it multiple times. Speaking openly…aside from you trying to blame yourself…did not lead to anything either. So I honestly like to know what you truly think. I gave you all the options I can come up with. Ignore it, speak about it, you can stay, you can go…it’s up to you really but I cannot exactly turn back time…I don’t know what else to say.”

[multific]

Solve a Murder

Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Summary: You were desperate. You needed help and so, you turned to the one man in London who would be able to help.

“Mr. Holmes, I’m here to hire you to solve a murder.”

“And who’s murder would that be?”

“Mine.”

“Pardon?” asked Dr. Watson.

“It’s my step-sister. I suspect she and her husband want me dead. You see, I inherited my father’s land when she thought she would be the one to get it. And now, just the way she looks at me. She offers me drinks, way too often, I suspect she is trying to poison me. I fear for my life, and lately I haven’t been feeling well. You need to help me. Find evidence that she is plotting my death so I can go to the police.”

The two men looked at each other. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have come.” you said as you stood up, they made you feel like you were a fool, but then the Doctor spoke up making you look back at him.

“How long have you been suspecting that she is trying to poison you?”

“About a month. My dad died five months ago, I lost my mum when I was little, so he married another woman who gave him my step sister. My step mum died two years ago, or rather disappeared. Dad left everything to me in his will. And my sister was fuming, saying that she was the one to deserve it. Back that I was so sad, I didn’t even realize she said that. During the four months I was grieving, but then I started to notice things.”

“Things like?”

“Her servants bringing me food and tea, which is a nice gesture but...it’s usually after I already ate. And then I started to get sick a lot more often. I’m not one to fall sick easily. The doctor said it was just a cold, but...I know she did something. The look on her face said it all. She looked happy when I was in bed for a week. I tried asking for help, but everyone thinks I’m paranoid.”

“I believe you.” said Watson as he looked back at Sherlock who only rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s clearly only the mind of a woman, making up scenarios. Why are you really here? You are wasting my time.” his words were harsh. And they hurt. Just as the nice Doctor turned to scold his friend, you spoke up, tear running down your face.

“I hope Mr. Holmes, that you will visit my grave one day. I just wish to see your face when you realize that you were wrong.” you said as you stormed out of the house.

You felt so silly. And to think that you were extremely nervous when you decided to seek for his help. You didn’t even realize that you left your scarf at the house. 

***

You were truly helpless, you didn’t have any friends to talk to, your maids were fired by her, leaving only her trusted ones behind. You were trapped in your own house.

And you didn’t have evidence to go to the police either. Although you looked everywhere in the house for signs. But you were unable to find anything, no bottles, no poison, nothing.

The worst however was that you were gradually falling more ill, day after day.

It felt like you were dying from the inside. So, you called the doctor over.

The doctor said that your illness was due to the loss of your father. The doctor blamed depression, but you knew it wasn’t that. Not with the way your sister was smirking and smiling when she thought you weren’t watching.

One day, you felt so terrible, you couldn’t even get out of the bed. 

And from that day on, you didn’t.

You were so ill, the sun hurt your eyes and you felt useless. You just laid in bed, you weren’t even sure for how long.

You had barely any appetite. And you wondered how many days have passed.

***

“Miss Y/L/N, two gentlemen are here to talk to you. They said they brought your scarf back.” one of the maid’s said before they left, leaving the door open to let the two men in. You tried to sit up, look at least presentable, but you were too weak.

“Miss Y/L/N,” you recognized that voice, that calm and kind voice.

“Dr. Watson,” you said smiling at the man, not noticing that Sherlock was also in the room.

“You left your scarf. Don’t get me wrong, My Lady, but you look very ill.” said the doctor as he placed the cloth by your hand. You grabbed it and thanked him.

“The doctor was just here, yesterday I think. Said it’s only depression.” you said letting out a long sigh. 

“That’s ridiculous. I saw people looking more heathy on their death bed. May I examine you?” you gave him a weak nod, then you turned to Sherlock who was standing on the other side of your bed.

“Will you take my case now, or in a few days when I’m gone?” you asked looking at Sherlock. His eyes met yours.

***

Dr. Watson determined that you needed immediate care in a hospital. Although your sister argued with him, telling him that you already are in the care of a doctor. 

That day, Sherlock took your case. He clearly noticed something which he didn’t’t share at the time.

You were in the hospital for three days, and you already felt better. Every day Dr Watson would come over to talk about the case or ask questions. Although you were sure Sherlock was already close to finding evidence.

***

One day, you were finally better, so you could walk around a little. You were sitting outside, reading a book under a tree when you noticed Mr Holmes making his way over to you. 

“It was the food and the water and the tea and the cookies and everything.” said Sherlock as he sat down beside you. “You were poisoned gradually, small portions on everything you ate, and drank. The maid did it, because your sister ordered her to. Both are in custody as we speak for attempted murder.” he said, but even with your suspicions being right, you didn’t feel better.

“Thank you Mr. Holmes. I will pay you as soon as I get out of here.” you said before turning to look up the tree, watching a little bird hop from one branch to the other.

“Hmm.” you didn’t notice the look Sherlock gave you. But he noticed just how much livelier you looked. Your eyes shined, your skin shimmered in the light. You looked a lot better. “So, as I observed, you are not married. Neither am I.” he said.

You had to admit this was the worst possible way someone tried to court you. You looked at him, eyes wide.

“Pardon?”

“I’m saying that I find you quite beautiful and I would like to know you better.”

“Oh.” 

“Oh? That’s it?”

“Don’t get me wrong Mr. Holmes, I appreciate the compliment, it’s just... Your timing, Sir. I am still in hospital because my sister tried to poison me, my brother-in-law is still out there, possibly stealing everything that he can move from my home. And you are...handsome.” 

“Then, I will be back with the same proposition in a few weeks. Ms Y/L/N.” he said as he stood up and left.

You laughed a little, thinking that he was joking.

After all, what could a man like him possibly want from you?

***

It had been almost a month since you left the hospital.

You were half right about your brother-in-law. He did steal a couple of items when he left, but luckily they didn’t mean anything to you, so you were just happy that he was gone. 

You hired new staff and fired everyone. You were not sure who you could trust.

You also made sure that every food and drink was thrown out or went down the sink. You were not taking any chances. 

The fact that you only had 2 members of staff made you do some work you were not used to. You were no brat and you didn’t mind getting your hands dirty, so you helped with the cleaning where you could. 

You were working in the kitchen, cleaning the cupboards when a voice behind you made you startled. You nearly fell off the furniture as you were cleaning the very top shelves.

“Miss, Mr. Holmes is here.” 

“Thank you, Tina! Let him in, please.”

“He is here, Miss.”

This is when you finally turned around and noticed the man smiling up at you. Tina already left to get back to her duties.

“Nice to see you again, Miss Y/L/N. I must admit, every time we meet I can see a different side of yours. I have never seen a lady on the sink, cleaning the shelves.”

“Well, someone has to do it.” you said slowly climbing down. Sherlock helped you, making sure you won’t fall. “I assume you came for your payment. Give me a moment. I put it in an envelope in the library.”

You said washing your hands before heading into the library. You pulled the drawer of your father’s desk out and pulled the envelope out.

“For your speedy resolution, and for Dr. Watson’s help regarding my health, I added a bit extra. Thank you very much.” you said handing him the payment.

“I actually didn’t come for the payment, Ms. Y/L/N.” he said but you watched as he reached out to take the payment from you and slipped in into his pocket. “I’m here to keep my word. What I said in the hospital, I wish to get to know you better. You seem like a very interesting and smart woman. You realized that your sister was bad, even when everyone, including me, thought that you were delusional. I apologize for that.” you honestly didn’t know what to say. You thought he was a man who wouldn’t see you in a romantic matter. But then again, he just mentioned getting to know you.

“Maybe, you can stay over for lunch? I will cook up something nice.”

“You?”

“Yes, I am yet to hire a new cook, and in the meantime I do the cooking, my old nanny taught me a few recipes.”

“Sounds nice.”

And so, he stayed for lunch, dinner and the next day he came over again and every single day after.

He was charming, and the two of you could speak for hours about everything and anything.

Before you knew it, months, and years passed.

You certainly didn’t think that when you decided to go to Baker Street 221B to ask for help, you would find your future husband.

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~Masterlist~

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[beyondspaceandstars]

Nurse Din

Relationship: Din Djarin x Reader Warnings: N/A, just fluff! Summary: You seem to be coming down with a cold so the Mandalorian takes on a new role: a nurse. Based off the prompt: person b pressing their forehead against person a's forehead to check if they have a fever. A/N: this is one of the last fluffy one shots (i have a whole Din series i never posted on here...yet.....along with some smut.........will be posted at some point i promise) I have for my Mandalorian writing and honestly? I miss it. I will be writing for the Mandalorian again because idk it was just a nice time. I liked letting myself explore that world and characters :)

Masterlist

You woke up just feeling… bad. Your muscles were aching, your stomach was doing somersaults, and… oh, Maker, was that a burn in your throat?

"Ugh," you tried to groan at your disheveled state but it came out more like an aggressive cough which certainly did not help your throat.

You squirmed on the cot, taking advantage of the fact you were alone as your husband was already up doing whatever he did. (Okay — you did know his schedule but your uncomfortable state was preventing you from registering anything. You were just thankful you weren’t cramped together with him in this state.)

You were just starting to drift back to sleep as your heavy eyelids finally caved in from staring at nothing when something gave out a little coo next to you. Reluctantly, you peaked over your shoulder and came face-to-face with the small green child you had come to adore — well, he was adorable when he wasn’t waking you up.

"What?" You grumbled, your tired voice coming out rough. You let out another cough which Grogu just cocked his head at.

When you didn’t show signs of getting up, he started babbling again, trying to get your attention.

You forced yourself out of your near-dream state, furrowing your features wondering what in the galaxy he could want — oh. You were supposed to get him breakfast. In your delusional, ill state, you had completely forgotten your responsibilities.

Well, okay, you thought, it was just getting him breakfast, and then you could return to sleep. But even just the motions of sitting up in the cot made you hack up a lung. The child looked at you now fully concerned about what was going on with one of his parents. You tried catching your breath but the mixture of the coughing with the aching muscles and burning throat was taking a toll on you.

It wasn’t long into your coughing-fit that Din caught wind and came to check you. Usually, you were up by now, watching the child. When you weren’t awake and ready yet, he had simply thought Grogu was giving you a hard time. But when the unmistakable sound of coughing rang throughout the ship, Din realized there was much more going on. A mild panic set in as he made his way in to check on you.

"Riduur?" Din asked, entering the sleep quarters. He watched you slumped over in the bed, groaning in discomfort. The child was looking between you both, mostly wondering who was giving him breakfast.

"Hmm?" You hummed, turning to your concerned husband in the doorway. Shivers ran down your back. You reached for blankets, cuddling them tightly. Din made his way to bed picking up the child in the process and setting him on your pillow. Din stood at your side, looking down at you.

"What’s wrong, cyra’ika?" He asked, placing a loving hand on your shoulder, feeling you shake beneath his touch. Din wasn’t liking this one bit.

You coughed, clearing your throat and, said, "I think I caught a bug."

Din sighed and removed his helmet. Leaning down, he touched his forehead to yours, feeling the feverish warmth radiating off your skin as he did. More panic started settling in, realizing your hunch was very much correct.

You two had stopped the other day in a busy village totally ran over with a bustling population. You hadn’t thought much as you wove your way through the crowd to purchase the items you were looking for. But, as fate would have it, someone somewhere was incubating something and you caught it.

You melted into Din’s touch, letting your muscles relax a bit, even if it was a peculiar gesture. "What did you do that for?"

He pulled away and replaced his helmet. "What do you mean?" The muffled voice returned.

"You checked my fever with your forehead," you let out a weak chuckle, glancing up at him as you readjusted the blankets. "Don’t we have devices for that or something?"

Din shrugged, "I went the old fashioned route."

"I don’t even think they did that in the old times," you gave a small smile knowing fully well your husband was growing annoyed with you as the seconds went by. Well, what could you say? A little cold wasn’t taking away your feisty attitude

"You’re sick, can barely make it out of bed, and you want to argue with me about how I checked for a fever?" Din asked, his tone holding fake anger.

"Please," you paused, letting a small cough take over for a second. "I haven’t been able to focus on a single thought all morning. Be thankful I’m even awake and talking."

Another shiver came over you after you spoke, sending you into a shaking fit. You pulled the blankets but found you had already acquired all of them. Noticing your distress still, Grogu waddled from the pillows, making himself comfortable in your lap. He looked up at you, eyes squinting in concern. Your heart dropped as you realized you were still neglecting the little guy.

"Oh, shoot," you frowned, "you still need-,"

Din cut you off. "I’ll take care of him. You just rest, cyra’ika."

He scooped up Grogu who was still looking at you, confused. He cooed, trying to reach out to you. Din held him back and motioned for you to lay down.

"Are you sure?" You asked, curling up on the bed.

"Of course," Din nodded and tucked you into the blankets. You smiled stupidly at the care he was giving you.

It was a slightly miserable rest, but you were able to get what felt like just a few minutes (in reality, it had been a few hours) of sleepy bliss before Din came back with Grogu following closely behind. You blinked in confusion, trying to wake up as Din sat at the foot of the cot. Your mind didn’t feel as hazy as it had earlier but the aches were still as present as ever.

You rolled over, greeted by your husband. His helmet had been discarded again and he was watching you, a concerned look in his eyes. You tried giving a weak smile hoping to communicate you were okay. He didn’t seem convinced.

Breaking your stares, a soft babble came from next to the bed. You looked over and were greeted by the child who was holding a little thing of soup. While you couldn’t smell it well, it was steaming and looked fresh, making your stomach give the tiniest rumble.

"Soup?" You coughed. "For me?"

The child extended his arms, trying to hand you the bowl. Two big eyes peeked over the rim as he watched you, waiting. You sat up and graciously accepted the food. You held it close, taking small sips of the wonderful broth. You didn’t even really know there was soup on this ship so either someone spent a nice credit on it or Din had been holding out on you.

"Is it- Does it taste alright?" Din asked, seeming almost… nervous. You gulped down more broth, brows furrowed in questioning.

"It’s wonderful," you nodded. "Why? Is there something wrong with it?"

Din chuckled, "No, no. I just…" He paused, looking down at the floor and then back at you. "You’ve just never been sick before — well, none of us have ever been sick before — and I’m just not used to taking care of someone like… like this."

"Oh, honey-,"

But Din abruptly stood up before you could get anything else out. Planting a sweet kiss on your forehead, he mumbled, "I’m gonna find you some tea."

You frowned but nodded, continuing to drink your soup. You despised when he would do that. He’d open up a little bit and then shut down. Granted, he had gotten better at it the longer your relationship went but you thought marriage would be the helpful push he needed and it hadn’t added up like that so far. But it was fine. You took your own time to reassure him about things, putting words where his sometimes weren’t.

He came back moments later as you finished the last of your food. You handed the bowl back to Grogu who took a second to see if he could find any leftovers for himself. You gave a small smile watching him stick his head in the bowl, hunting.

Din gave you the cup of tea and, just like the soup, you cradled it close, sipping the liquid slowly. The continuous warmth was doing wonders for your throat.

"Maybe you should be a nurse," you said, peaking over the cup at your husband who was again taking a spot at the foot of the bed. He turned to you, a playful smirk on his face.

"A nurse?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah," you nodded. "Retire and take care of some little ole sick folks like me. You’re doing such a good job at it."

"Was that sarcasm?"

You sighed, dropping the joking act. You reached your one hand to grasp his, which he happily welcomed, and said, "No, riduur, it wasn’t. I mean it. I’ve never felt so cared for before."

Din looked away as if taking in your words. He brought his other hand to pat your connected ones. After what felt like the longest seconds ever, he turned back to you, his grateful eyes meeting yours.

"I’m glad," he said. Your heart raged with love for the Mandalorian before you. Never did you think you’d find someone who comforting, so caring, and yet here he was like a fever dream.

You took in the love he had to offer and placed a light kiss on his cheek, trying to return it just a bit. He smiled and turned to place a real kiss on your lips, but your hand came up in protest.

"I’m disgusting," you explained, disconnecting your touch and returning to cuddling your tea. "Maker knows what germs I got brewing."

"Fine," he sighed, "but you owe me endless kisses once you’re better."

You smiled, "Endless kisses?"

Your husband nodded, "Oh, yeah. So many kisses your lips are going to be so sore."

"Sounds horrible," you giggled, taking a sip of your tea. "But worth it."

Din let out a low chuckle and got up from the bed. He returned a kiss to your cheek and said, "Finish your tea and then get more rest. You need it, cyra’ika."

You nodded in agreement and watched as Din picked up Grogu, and began carrying him out of the space.

"Come on," he said to the child who was watching you. "We need to let your mom sleep."

The child gave a little coo in either agreement or protest (you couldn’t tell but either way it was adorable). You smiled, watching them exit. Finishing up the last of your tea, you placed the cup on the floor and then curled back up in your blankets.

Drifting off, you relished in the comfort of everything. Sure, you were sick out of your mind, but you had two loves waiting for your recovery and eager to make you feel better any way they could. Oh, yeah. This was way more than you could’ve ever asked for.

[hafanforever]

It’s Good to Be Bad

I’ve described in previous analyses that I have a strong affinity for villains in fiction, including those by Disney. But like any fan of Disney, there are villains that I love and ones that I deeply detest with every bone in my body. So for my last analysis of the year, I will discuss my five most favorite and five least favorite Disney animated villains, though I also want to list a couple of other characters as honorable mentions to explain why I like or hate them.

The reasons I have for liking my favorite villains are simple, if not somewhat shallow, because I don’t exactly have deep reasons for liking them. Regardless of how evil, sadistic, cruel, and ruthless they are, I like them primarily because they are funny or charismatic. But it’s so much easier for me to list why I hate my least favorite villains, which is largely attributed the kinds of traits they display (most of which I cannot stand in people), their motives for being evil, and how they carry out their evil deeds while showing their evil natures.

This essay has turned into a longer one than I anticipated, so I am adding the “Keep reading” feature. Before I begin, I want to thank my dear buddy and soul sis @minervadeannabond for coming up with this title. Here is yet again another analysis of mine for you to enjoy, sis! 😁😄😉❤️

Most Favorites

Scar - Since The Lion King was the very first Disney film I ever saw in theaters as a child, and the first one I remember well from my childhood, many of my favorites Disney things come from it, including Scar being my #1 favorite Disney villain. Yes, he is a sadistic, tyrannical, narcissistic, cold-blooded murderer, but I think it is because of his cunning, smooth, elegant, charismatic nature and how pivotal he is to the story, particularly with how much he turns out to be a dark reflection of Simba, is why I love him so much. Furthermore, his song “Be Prepared” is my favorite villain song and among my favorite Disney songs of all, further showing how much The Lion King has given me Disney favorites since I was a child. 😁

Hades - Another one I remember well from my childhood, Hades is undoubtedly one of the funniest villains from the Disney animated canon. Although he is as cruel, evil, ruthless, and sadistic as any Disney villain, Hades is also so fast-talking, sleazy, sarcastic, cheeky, and hilarious that it makes it hard for me to take him seriously as a menacing villain. And while he constantly goes into fiery rages and blows his hot-headed top when furious, these help make Hades far more a comical, rather than scary, figure. Heck, when I was a kid, I always laughed, rather than got scared, whenever he unleashed one of his temper tantrums (except when he blows up at Meg with “I OWN YOU!!!”). And James Woods’s performance, especially since he ad-libbed many lines, helps make Hades such an unforgettable and memorable, if not lovable, character. So yeah, Hades’s wisecracking, talkative personality made him a memorable villain for me as a child, and I’ve loved him for it ever since. 😆😂

Ursula - Much like Hades, Ursula is sleazy, scheming, and cunning, yet wisecracking and comical at the same time. Besides her dry sense of humor, Ursula’s eccentricity, flamboyance, and elegance have always been the traits that drew me to her, and Pat Carrolll’s performance of the character is pure excellence. 😉

Maleficent - Despite being an incarnation of pure evil, including with her self-proclaimed title as The Mistress of All Evil, to me, Maleficent is by far the coolest, most badass Disney animated villain of all! 😆👍🏻 Yes, she curses Aurora with no true motive whatsoever, and she’s sadistic, ruthless, blasphemous, and murderous, but her display of her ill temper and dark magic just makes her totally awesome, most especially when she zaps her minions for their stupidity and incompetence upon learning they were only looking for a baby during their 16-year search for Aurora. 😁

Ratigan - Again, Disney has an evil, murderous, sadistic villain in Ratigan, but I love him because he is very collected, calculating, sophisticated, and charismatic, not to mention Vincent Price delivers such a great vocal performance as the character. 😉 What I also love about Ratigan is the moment when he undergoes what is known as a villainous breakdown, which is when a villain snaps and goes utterly crazy. During the film, Ratigan has some moments of losing his cool, but just as quickly manages to become calm and regain his composure. However, upon seeing Basil and Olivia escape from him inside Big Ben, along with Basil having having foiled his earlier scheme to kill the queen and take over England, Ratigan finally snaps, turning from a formal, sophisticated, composed rat to a highly feral, aggressive, savage one. It is the moment when Ratigan reveals the monster within and looks like a true rat, with an aggressive expression, hunched back, elongated claws, and running on all fours. The fact that Ratigan’s breakdown juxtaposes what kind of rat he was for the majority of the film is why his villainous breakdown is my favorite of any Disney villain.

Most Hated

Gaston - I have stated this before in “Bride and Prejudice”, but I pick Gaston as my #1 choice as my least favorite Disney animated villain. And it’s not just because of his extreme vanity, egotism, chauvinism, and arrogance, which are the very traits I hate in people, but because of his inferior, sexist, misogynistic views of women. Gaston is THE walking definition of toxic masculinity, the fictional example of the worst kind of man, the epitome of what men should NEVER be! 😡😡😡 He thinks men are the superior gender and that women are inferior to men, with their only purposes being to serve men and be their sex objects. And since I am a feminist who believes in gender equality, I dislike men who have low, sexist opinions of women, and Gaston fits the profile of what I think is the worst example of such a man. I could go on and on explaining just why I loathe this monster of a man with all my heart, but you can just read the aforementioned analysis to find out more.

Lady Tremaine - If it weren’t for Gaston being my #1 pick because of his extreme sexism and misogyny, I would pick Lady Tremaine. She comes such a close second because her motivations for abusing, oppressing, and being so cruel to Cinderella are petty and stupid, ESPECIALLY because Cinderella never even did anything to deserve such treatment from her in the first place! 😠😡 Lady Tremaine hates Cinderella and is very jealous of her purely because Cinderella so much better-looking and kinder than her own daughters and herself. So they abuse her and make her their servant to make her miserable and unattractive so that they can look better than her instead. Additionally, Lady Tremaine has a deep-rooted obsession to be above Cinderella at all costs that she resorts to lying, manipulation, trickery, and cheating in order to stay above. I particularly loathe it when she manipulates her daughters into tearing up Cinderella’s dress just so that she can appear fair and keep her word regarding her side of the bargain (she says ”if you can find something suitable to wear”, and once it’s wrecked, it’s no longer suitable) while simultaneously making sure she doesn’t have to keep her promise since she never wants Cinderella to go in the first place. All that being said, do these sound like justifiable excuses for hating a completely innocent woman? I DON’T THINK SO!!! 😡😡😡

Claude Frollo - Now if weren’t for BOTH Gaston and Lady Tremaine coming first, Claude Frollo would come on top as well! 😡😡😡 Frollo is without a doubt in my mind the most evil villain in the Disney animated canon. Unlike most Disney villains, he is COMPLETELY devoid of any likable or redeemable traits, making me have nothing but feelings of pure hatred for him. Ruthless, cruel, blasphemous, racist, and evil to his core, Frollo holds a deep-seated hatred for the gypsies and seeks to eradicate them from Paris, making him not only murderous, but genocidal, especially since he seeks to kill them simply out of his own racism, supremacy, and superiority. Throughout the years in his quest to eliminate the gypsies, Frollo murders Quasimodo’s mother by violently kicking her, causing her to fall and hit her head on the stone steps of Notre Dame, then tries to burn Esmeralda at the stake, declaring that she must be killed because she has been practicing witchcraft. After killing the mother, Frollo even attempts to drown baby Quasimodo simply because of his deformity. What makes Frollo even more evil besides doing his deeds is that he is a judge with control over the city, yet he proves himself to be corrupt and hypocritical by violating the laws to accomplish his dark, sinister deeds. Perhaps what makes Frollo the most evil villain of all is that he is in complete denial about how evil he really is. He has a delusional belief that he is a good, religious man doing God’s work by trying to purge the world of evil, when all he really does is twist his “faith” and hypocritically use it for his own evil purposes. What’s worse is that Frollo never once takes an ounce of responsibility for his crimes; he makes excuses to justify his actions, painting himself as guiltless and his victims as the only ones at fault. So with Frollo being such a blasphemous, hypocritical, racist, genocidal, murderous, corrupt judge who never believes he is doing anything wrong and always lays blame on the victims of his misdeeds, I can’t say there is a single thing about him that I like, and I’m happy he met his death in a fiery blaze! 😡🔥

Mother Gothel - A character I see as being an amalgam of Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, the reasons why I hate all three of these villains are also found in Gothel: vanity, narcissism, oppression, mental abuse, trickery, manipulation, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and flat-out cruelty. First of all, Gothel’s vanity, narcissism, and obsession with her own beauty makes her extremely insufferable and annoying, not to mention the fact that she hoarded the flower to herself for hundreds of years just to stay alive shows how incredibly selfish and possessive she is. And due to her selfishness, she kidnaps Rapunzel, hides her in a tower, lies to her about the outside world, and continually mentally abuses, manipulates, oppresses, mocks, and belittles her just to ensure that Rapunzel will never leave the tower and the flower’s magic in her hair will keep her (Gothel) alive and young forever. On par with her narcissism, Gothel is shown to be a very spoiled, childish, immature woman who seeks to always have things her way and throws tantrums or other emotional outbursts when she doesn’t get her way or what she wants, especially the very moment she wants it. Furthermore, Gothel possesses a martyr, or victim, complex, which is shown perfectly when victimizes herself and places all the blame on Rapunzel whenever any sort of conflict befalls their lives and relationship, especially when they argue. So with all these flaws in mind, like Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, I can’t find any good reason to like Gothel at all. “Mother Knows Best”? More like “Gothel Knows Worst”! 😠😡 

Governor Ratcliffe - I said above that I hate Gaston because of his bigoted, low views of women, and prejudice is the main reason why I hate Governor Ratcliffe. However, his prejudice is in the form of racism, the kind of bigotry that I hate the most. Ratcliffe displays this attitude towards the Native Americans, considering them savages and seeing himself as better than them all because of his race, which makes him a white supremacist. Besides his supremacy and superiority regarding his race, Ratcliffe is intensely greedy and selfish since he wants to keep any riches found for himself and believes that the Virginia land and anything he finds on it is his for the taking. In relation to his bigotry, he is also quite delusional and self-righteous, which makes him believe that any theory he has is right and he refuses to believe otherwise or listen to reason. For example, Ratcliffe dismisses Wiggins’ correct assumptions on why the Indians attacked the settlers and John’s claim that there is no gold in the lands after Pocahontas tells him this. The hatred I hold for Ratcliffe is significantly less than the other four listed here, but the reasons I gave are virtually like those I gave for Frollo, so I’m confident with Ratcliffe and his place on my list.

Bonus Mentions

Hans - Hans is a villain that I place in the middle between my most loved and most hated villains, because I love him for WHAT he is as a villain while I simultaneously hate him for WHO he is as a character. I have said it to friends and some of my other analyses before, but one of the reasons why I love Frozen is because it took many of the traditional fairy tale elements and tropes used in their preceding films, and turned them upside down. So rather than having another prince as the heroic male lead in this film, Frozen twisted that trope around by making him the villain instead. And when Hans finally reveals his true nature, you realize that he has fooled not only Anna and the other characters who interacted with him, but first-time viewers as well! So while I love Hans for being a villain who keeps his true nature under wraps for the majority of the film and almost gets away with his crimes because of it, I also hate him because of how cold, cruel, callous, ruthless, and sadistic he really is. When he reveals his true nature and explains his plan to Anna, he mocks her intelligence, naïveté, and desperation for love while explaining just how easy it was for him to deceive and manipulate her into being a pawn in his plan to take over Arendelle. Throughout the whole scene, Hans smiles wickedly and sadistically, clearly showing the delight he is getting from tormenting Anna and watching her suffer while he explains his scheme and extinguishes all light sources to accelerate her death. It’s also easy to see his sadism when he announces his plan to murder Elsa, and that he will get even greater joy out of carrying out the act itself (which we see when Hans smiles widely while swinging his sword over Elsa’s head as he tries to kill her on the fjord).

Chi-Fu - While he is not a true villain, and not even evil at all, Chi-Fu is a very detestable character, one whose guts I hate completely because he has the same traits that make me hate Gaston: arrogance, conceit, egotism, bigotry, superiority, and misogyny. Prejudice against women is a main theme in Mulan, and Chi-Fu is the one man whose prejudiced opinions never change. While Shang and Mulan’s fellow soldiers initially hold views that women are beneath men, they learn to change them after Mulan proves herself a capable warrior in the army (even after her disguise is revealed), most especially when she helps save China from Shan Yu’s reign of terror. Despite the majority of his bigotry being aimed at women, Chi-Fu is also detestable because he shows it towards nearly everyone else, except the Emperor. As the second-in-command to the Emperor, Chi-Fu sees himself superior to almost everyone else around him, which enhances his pompous, elitist, arrogant attitude. Because of all these antagonistic traits, I loathe Chi-Fu while I don’t hate Shan Yu at all, even though the latter is truly pure evil and genocidal! 😠😡 It just goes to show that some people who are neither necessarily good nor bad can be even more contemptible that the most malevolent, murderous people.

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.11

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else.

Chapter Eleven: I Know It’s Over: Things get a little more clearer as you deal with the pain Spencer caused. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading. Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: swearing, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, jealousy, talk of breakup/s, mentions of alcohol consumption / intoxication, serious serious angst, this whole series is a real slow burn.

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A/N: everyone go thank @ellesgreenaway​ for getting me out of my writing rut just in time to get this chapter done! and as always, i wanted to reiterate how fucking grateful i am that y'all are reading, and liking, this little story! it means the world to me! also, i didn't reread this so there may some mistakes ill fix later, sorry!!

-

People love weekends. They’re like a mini holiday. A break from the tedious and repetitive cycle that is Monday to Friday. Weekends are time spent away from the office, your profession and whatever that entails. They are time spent away from completing menial tasks. A break.

Saturdays and Sundays help regain all of the lost energy. When people get caught up in everyday life, weekends remind them to enjoy the simple things. They gives the opportunity to try new things, visit family and friends, or allow to simply spend some time alone. People love weekends.

Your weekend however, was an utter blur.

Aiding a killer hangover on Saturday, you opted to spend the day in bed. A plastic bucket within your reach and a bottle of water on the side table. You slept a lot. Partially to ease the headache, but mainly to ease the pain you were experiencing in your chest. The heartache.

The only thing you could remember from the night before was Spencer completely shattering your hopes and dreams, and the first six shots of tequila you took after at a nearby bar. You weren't entirely sure how you got home; the next morning Ethan clarified he picked you up after the bartender rang him using your phone. Not one of your proudest moments.

Your lack of motivation carried onto Sunday. The grief you were experiencing was not unfamiliar, after all Spencer’s broken up with you before. Although this time the agony that accompanied it felt a lot more intense. You couldn't move, or eat, or even shower. You were frozen. Stuck to the bed as if it was your only lifeline.

Thankfully Ethan was working both days. In your eyes, he was too preoccupied to notice something was wrong. Unbeknown to you however, he knew exactly the reason behind your melancholy.

The weekend soon ended, almost as soon as it began. Monday morning rolled around and with it the encouragement to get out of bed. Not like you wanted to. If you had it your way, you would never leave the comfort and safety of your duvet again. You knew however, you couldn't stay home without at least some of your colleagues questioning your absence, asking what was wrong. No. It was time to face reality.

Time to face Spencer.

The brunette doctor was sat at his desk. He arrived to work today earlier than usual, about four hours early to be exact. He made his usual cup of coffee and since then he hasn't moved an inch, just��staring silently at his phone.

It wasn't something he done often, honestly he only carried the thing around for work purposes. But something happened that he couldn't quite get over.

On Saturday morning, Spencer woke up to a message left on his voicemail. A message from you.

At first it was hard to decipher what you were saying, or rather what you were mumbling. Between the drunken hiccups, slurred speech, and obnoxious background noise, Spencer initially thought it was a butt dial. It must have been, right? He was after breaking your heart for a second time, why would you leave him a voicemail?

However, hearing your melodic tone just saying his name, prompted Spencer to listen to the message again. It was then he really heard the distorted words coming out of your mouth.

“Spencerrrrrr, I uh I don't believe yo-ou. I know-w in uh my hearrrt-t you d-didn't mean it.” Hiccup. “P...p-please let’ssss forgetuh abo-ut it.” Hiccup. “I-I love youh-uh anddd I kno-ow you love meeee. I jussst kno-w.” Hiccup. “I-I me-an you uh couldn't-t even look me-e in the eye when you sss-said it.... please-e S-Spencer-”

The message cuts off and he’s left dumbfounded.

Blood drained from his face. The voicemail registered in his brain and he suddenly felt dizzy. Nauseous even. His hands began to tremble in his lap, and he swore if he wasn't sitting down he would have fainted.

By Monday, Spencer had listened to the voicemail a painstakingly two-hundred and eleven times. He had it memorised, and yet he kept playing it over and over again just to hear your voice.

As he sat at his desk, waiting for his colleagues to arrive, he wondered whether you remembered sending it. Truthfully, he hoped you didn't. It would be easier to move on that way - as if moving on from you was an option.

The glass door opened and he heard a faint sound of footsteps walk across the bullpen. Footsteps Spencer would honestly recognise anywhere. Taking in a deep breath, he glanced up from his phone and slightly turned his head, his gaze landing on you.

The air caught in Spencer’s throat, the voicemail instantly replaying in his head.

He wondered what you were thinking. Simply by looking at you he could tell you were in pain. Pain he caused, and he hated himself for it. Having spent countless hours over Saturday and Sunday rethinking the situation, he knew he made a mistake. He should have never given into Ethan’s smug demands. And even if, he should have told you what happened. Leave the choice up to you, as it was in the first place.

It was too late now to fix this, Spencer knew even if you remembered sending the voicemail you wouldn't listen to what he had to say anyway. Selfishly, he wanted you to look at him. He wanted to gaze into your eyes as the drunken message replayed in his mind yet again.

And although you could feel his eyes on you, you couldn't bring yourself to meet his stare. No. The heartache would only intensify. This was a mistake. You should have stayed home. With a blank expression, you placed your bag on your desk and hurried in the direction of the office kitchenette.

Spencer on the other hand followed you with his gaze. Every fibre of his being screamed to follow you, to talk to you. But he was completely frozen and remained glued to his own chair. Once again, a true display of cowardliness.

By lunch time, the whole team picked up on the odd dynamic between you and the handsome doctor. Two people that spent every waking moment together were no longer speaking to one another.  It didn't take a profiler to see something was wrong.

You hid in Penelope’s lair with the bubbly blonde and Tara. Enjoying a couple minutes of peace away from the prying eyes of everyone you worked with, most importantly however, away from Spencer.

“So chicken, are you going to tell us what’s wrong?” Garcia enquired, taking a mouthful of her lunch. “Because a blindman could see something is off, and don't you dare telling me I’m delusional or something.”

“Penelope is right, Y/N. Last time you were this silent and upset was when Spencer was in prison.”

You let out a deep sigh at the sound of his name. It was no use hiding your feelings from them, they would figure it out eventually. Plus these were the people you trusted more than anything in the world. If you couldn't tell them, then who could you tell what was going on?

“It’s something similar.” You mumbled, avoiding their gaze. “Just much much worse this time...”

“Well whatever it is, you can tell us. We’re here for you.” Penelope chimed, and reached out her hand to grab yours. She gave it a gentle squeeze and shot you a reassuring smile.

“Yes, exactly. We will support you through anything, you know that.” Tara added nodding along.

You sniffled. What were becoming all too familiar tears formed in the corners of your eyes, and you knew you would break down at any given second. Taking in a long breath, you began to tell the two girls everything that’s happened since your engagement. They listened attentively, never turning their attention away from you. As they listened, they both held your hands and took turns whispering ‘it’s okay’ or ‘take your time’.

“I’m going to kill our resident genius. He won't know what’s coming.” Penelope murmured after you finished in an attempt to lighten the mood. The corners of your lips twitched ever so slightly upwards as you wiped the tears away from your face.

“What are you going to do?” Tara asked after a congenial moment of silence.

“Ehm...” You cleared your throat. “S-Spencer wants nothing to do with me, but uhm... I after everything I c-can’t, I just can't be with Ethan. I can’t-t.”

The girls both nodded their heads, and even though they understood exactly what you meant by what you were saying, you still felt like you had to say the words aloud. For your own sake.

“So, uhm, I-I’m going to break up with Ethan. I-I’m going to end the engagement.” You stated, and even though your heart still ached, you felt as if a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You felt free.

And I know it's over - still I cling I don't know where else I can go 

-

A/N: as always i’d love to hear your feedback! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

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story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne​, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0, @calm-and-doctor, @halseysunset

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​, @averyhotchner, @wowitsel, @elldell1204, @hey-there-angels, @reidabookforonce, @ellesgreenaway

[writefasttalkevenfaster]

Spencer Reid / Uncertainties

Prompt: Kissing tears away 

Summary: Everyone is afraid of the uncertain, but no one more than a man of facts and statistics -- Dr. Spencer Reid.

Word Count: 1,870

Warnings: Angst + Fluff, comforting, Spencer’s headaches, this man deserves love, mentions of mental illness (schizophrenia), I make a doctor who reference lmao

Spencer Reid was a man of many thoughts. And that was a clear understatement. 

A lot of his thoughts were spoken — facts given freely, statistics that spewed from his mouth, and certainties conveyed without a bit uncertainty. But these were facts, facts he had surrounded himself in carefully constructed walls, buildings, and bridges, until it became a labyrinth. A perfect solitude of his own making — certainties were certain, unlike most things in his life. 

Including you. 

"Spence, can I sit with you?" His eyes flitted up from the book he was reading, finding you sitting before he even had a chance to open his mouth. 

"Doesn't look like I have much of a choice," but he smiles, and your eyes twinkle at his teasing. 

"Why wait when I know the answer is yes?" 

And you were right. The answer was always yes when it came to you — that much was certain. At least according to Morgan and Garcia. 

"Why aren't you in your office?" You crossed your arms, brow creased in frustration. 

You sigh dramatically, "Penelope brought her boyfriend by and now they have completely taken over my space," Pout, as you rest your chin against your hand, "it's fine because it's Pen, but it's just a little nauseating to be around a couple that often. I think he’s spent more time there in the last week than I have in the last month." 

He snorts, "I didn't know love caused nausea," the corner of his mouth twitches, and you roll your eyes. 

"It does when you're painfully single," you sigh dramatically, shaking your head, “Side-effects include nausea, fake vomiting, and contemplation and eventual purchase of noise canceling headphones. Only cure in my case — a date.” 

"Then get a date?" He offers. The words left his mouth without a second thought, ignoring the twinge in his chest at the thought of you with someone else. 

You raise a brow, "You offering, Doctor?" 

He blinks, a heat climbing his neck, and he's all too painfully aware of how your eyes linger on the blush that's undoubtedly spread across his cheeks and the graze of your teeth against your bottom lip. 

"I-I-" but you wave him off. 

"It's okay, Spence," you begin to get up, but the question remains very much in the air, an albatross wrapped around his neck, squeezing and squeezing. 

"Wait," he says your name, giving you pause as he licks his incredibly dry lips, "I am," he manages, heart beating against his ribs, "offering that is." 

The indelible tension becomes even more unbearable as you blatantly stare at him, becoming more and more difficult not to tug at the collar of his button up — regretting the choice of a sweater vest combo with how unbearably hot its become. 

But then your face lights up, eyes wide and lips broken in an unabashed grin, "What time?" 

Maybe he shouldn’t have offered. Maybe he shouldn’t have listened to that small voice in the back of his head, that sounded awfully like Morgan, to take a chance. Because then he wouldn’t have learned that you majored in Linguistics and English Literature. He wouldn’t have learned that your undergraduate thesis was on the parallels of  Beowulf and Tolkien and the meaning of brotherhood. He wouldn’t have learned that your nose wrinkles very adorably when you try a new dish. He wouldn’t have learned that he liked how your voice got louder when you were passionate. He wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. 

But he was, he realized one morning, as your fingers carded through his thick curls one afternoon, hoping that the dreaded phone call wouldn’t come and interrupt your dinner plans tonight. You hummed and gasped appropriately as you listened to him read a new book you had picked up (as it was your turn to choose a book for the two of you to read this week). And it was when you had plucked the book from his hands, peering down at him, his head against your legs, with a soft smile and wide eyes, he realized that he didn’t remember a single moment of his life that had felt so right. 

Until it didn't. 

He knew the symptoms. Sensitivity to light. Persistent headaches. An inability to focus. Irritability. Hallucinations. And he knew the odds. His leg bounced up and down in the waiting room — the one time facts did not play to his advantage — eyes squeezed shut. Soon, he would begin to forget things. Become confused or delusional. And he would lose one of the only things he felt that had some control over — his mind. Pain splintered through his head, as yet another doctor called him in for his results. 

Inconclusive, again. The fifth doctor to have run a litany of tests on him: physical, emotional, and psychological — but no cause. 

He doesn’t remember the doctor’s name, her introduction stymied by the red hot throbbing in his frontal cortex, “Do you have anyone to support you during this time?” his fingers dug into his forearms. 

“I do,” he manages, and he can almost feel your touch, your presence, as if you were here. Your arms wrapped around him, chin pressed into his shoulder, but your eyes — eyes full of pity. He still hadn’t told you. 

But it didn’t mean you hadn’t noticed. 

"Spencer," you wave your hand in front of his face, and he looks up from his book, "I've been calling your name for five minutes." 

"Sorry, I was reading," he murmurs, sliding his bookmark into his book, shutting the book in his lap, "what's wrong?" 

Your brow furrowed, arms crossed across your chest, "I should be asking you that," 

"What is that supposed to mean?" He knew he was wrong — he knew he had been short, that he had been angry, that he had been silent, but he didn't care. He couldn't find the energy to. All he could think about was the dull ache in his head, the echoing in his ears, the fear thrumming through his body, possibilities running over and over and over— 

"Spencer," you ease the book through his fingers, "I know you — you would have blown through this entire book by now, but you've been reading the same page for the last half hour." 

He snatches the book from your hand, hardback clattering against the floor, "You don't know anything," 

"Spencer—" 

"No, no—" he holds his voice steady, holding the fracturing pieces of his facade together, "just leave." 

"I'm not leaving you," your voice cracks, not bothering to hide your hurt, "not until you tell me what's going on." 

He looks up and sees your gaze waver. And he hates himself. He hates himself for hurting you. He hates himself for allowing himself to love you. He should have learned his lesson. He should have learned when his parents separated, when his mom’s delusions and paranoia turned her from the woman who read him stories of knights to a woman who barely remembered her own name. He hates himself for being too weak to break up with you.

“Do you know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind?” he whispers, the dull ache in his brain quelling for a moment, the tightness in his chest replacing it.

You blink, eyes glassy, sliding in place beside him, his eyes falling to his lap, “Why would you be afraid of something so beautiful?” 

“Because I don’t know what it’s going to become,” he cradles his head in his hands, “I’ve been having headaches. Consistently. I can’t focus. I can’t sleep. I am...hearing things that are not there. I—” 

“Spencer,” you whisper, “why didn’t you tell me before?” 

He laughs, the sound hollow in his chest, “What is there to tell? Doctors can’t tell me what this is. They can’t tell me if it’s—-” he breaks off, and he refuses to look up. He refuses to see the pity in your eyes — the fear. 

“Baby, you don’t know what this even is right now, we—” 

“What else could it be?” he snaps, ringlets of pain coursing through his head, “I know the chances. I’ve known the chances since I was seven, when I found out my mother had schizophrenia when I overheard my parents arguing again. I’m the same age as she was when she first started showing symptoms.” 

Schizophrenia. The word hangs over the conversation like it has hung over him his entire life. A part of him thought maybe, somehow, if he was smart enough, even if he had it, he could outsmart it — maybe he could overcome it. But a few weeks of these headaches any delusions of grandeur — except for the ones yet to come, “Spencer, even if it is schizophrenia, it is treatable. It is manageable with medication and proper treatment. More importantly, no matter the odds, no matter what this is, I’m going to be there—” 

“Until you’re not,” 

“Spencer,” 

“You don’t know what it’s like,” His words are soft, as he remembers the warmth of his mother, curled up beside him, her soft voice reading stories of Arthur and his round table, “to watch someone you love become someone else — someone you don’t even recognize anymore. Someone angry, someone paranoid.” 

“I don’t know what it’s like, Spencer, I’m sorry, but I know I’d never leave you. Even if you become someone else, even if I lose you altogether — I love you. For who you are, and you will become,” you reach for his face, but he turns away, licking his lips, “I always will.” 

“Nothing is certain,” he sighs, running his hands down his face, “But I know I can’t make you do this—” 

“Spencer, please,” you lean down, prying his fingers away from his face, and forcing him to look at you — tears running down your cheeks freely, your nose wrinkling as you sniffled, “shut up.” 

“I—” 

“I know nothing is certain — nothing ever is. But this is how I feel right now, in this moment,” you draw closer, and he allows you to — taking solace in your closeness and warmth. Your lips brush against his forehead,  “We will figure this out, together.” 

A tear slips down his cheek, and he squeezes his eyes shut, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to—” 

“I don’t have to do anything,” you press a kiss to his cheek, right as the tear rolls down, “and I never do anything I don’t want to,” the corners of your mouth tug at your lips, “remember the Doctor Who convention?” 

“I remember compromising my choice,” you laugh. 

“And I remember you being the cutest David Tennant ever,” his fingers brush away the streaks of tears left behind on your cheeks, “I don’t need to have a Tardis to know we are going to get through this.” 

“Well, actually—” you raise an eyebrow, and he smiles. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too,” his hands cup your cheeks now, breath fanning against your lips, as he kisses you. Tears roll over his fingers, as your fingers rest over his own, “and that is a certainty.”

[kpop---scenarios]

Good Enough

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Reader 

Genre: Idol! AU 

Warning: Smut, Mention of Domestic Violence, Miscarriage, Angst, Fluff 

Word Count: 15.4k 

Summary: Ayn (another y/n) and her friends meet Super M from a contest they win. She's a bit of a disaster but he doesn't care. Even when life tries to keep them apart, it never works. 

“I’m sorry…,”you whispered to the man who was supposed to love you, who was carelessly and harshly dragging you along the path to your apartment. You would think by now you would know your limits with alcohol, the one thing you had a love-hate relationship with, but instead you hate yourself every time you get as drunk as you currently were. You should not have drank as much as you did, is what you tell yourself, again. Everytime. You knew it as always. Your body knew it and hated you for it, and so did your equally unimpressed fiance. "I can't do this anymore," he grunts carrying you into your apartment and down the short hall to the bedroom. Soyoung lets out a loud sigh, a sound of frustration and annoyance flying from his tongue, as he practically shoves you on your bed. His tall body, moving quicker than your eyes can in the dark of the room, you watch dizzily as he opens drawers and your bathroom briefly grabs something else, before coming back to stand over you. "Did you hear me?" Grabbing your cheeks and squeezing with one hand the other painfully grasping a breast, making you gasp,  before grabbing some stuff from your bedside table. "I'm done." He finishes, walking out of your apartment, slamming the door and leaving your very drunk self to pass out. You wanted to follow him, ask him what you had done wrong now. You were trying to cope, was that so wrong? You wanted to move but your body wouldn't let you, you were frozen to your bed in an unimaginable state of drunken paralysis. Thankfully all the thoughts drowning you shushed your mind to sleep. Before you knew it, a persistent old-fashioned alarm eventually registered, blaring through your ears. You rolled over in your bed, feeling your dress from the night before twist around you, making you frown in confusion. Usually, a night out of drinking with Soyoung leaves you naked and most times sore in the right spot, sometimes pleasantly so, sometimes not. Shutting the alarm on your phone off, you sent a dreary voice message to your fiance sweetly begging for medicine and his special hangover soup. You desperately needed it. You really shouldn't have drank so much, again. Laying back down, phone tossed to the side, you take several slow deep breaths, trying to not throw up the unfortunate amount of tequila you drank last night. Closing your eyes against the dim light in the room, a flash of memory hits you making you touch your jaw knowing that all the pain isn’t from alcohol this time. You struggle to hear the words he spit at you last night in your head, something important, but you just couldn't remember as you drift back to sleep. Ding Your phone wakes you up. Groggily, you grab your phone, checking your conversation with Soyoung, and he's read your message but the reply wasn't from him. Maybe he was on his way? Going to your other conversations, you see it's your group chat with your three best friends. Beth, Maggie and Lisa. [2:43pm] Beth: I can't breathe. Everything smells like Tequila. I want to die. [2:45pm] Maggie: Did I break my foot? Cause it kinda feels like I did. Fuck. [2:49pm] Lisa: So round two tonight!? Let's get ready to paaaarttyyyyyyyy. [2:54pm] Beth: Are you insane? I'm crying tequila tears right now. I cannot [2:56pm] You: Don't be a pussy Bethy. Let's do it [3:01pm] Maggie: I mean.. i'm in [3:05pm] Beth: Fine. But I'm not drinking [3:09pm] Lisa: The fuck you're not. I will drown you in a bowl of Tequila beth. Try me. You knew you could always count on your girls. With a smile on your face, you text your fiance again, letting him know you were going out again tonight, and asked him if he wanted to come out with you guys. Usually when you message Soyoung, it wasn't long before he replied, but now you had been waiting two hours and that was so unlike him. But you weren't going to be that fiancee, you figured he was probably busy with something, even though the nagging feeling in your stomach was telling you otherwise. ** That night as you continued to drown your sorrows in liquor, again, your mind lingered on the fact that you still haven't heard from the person who was supposed to love you and be there for you. The person who was supposed to be your person but wasn't. Thinking back to the voicemail you’d left, well voicemails, plural. And thinking on the obvious smudges on your breast and face, that you’d gotten too used to covering up.   "You okay?" Maggie asks you, taking a sip of her drink. "Yeah girl. All good," you say forcing a smile. You weren't okay; not even close and drinking was the only way you knew how to cope and there was a lot you needed to deal with but couldn't. You weren't mentally strong enough at the moment. You struggled internally with whether or not to unload everything on your friends, but you knew they had their own shit to deal with. You couldn't do that to them. "Come on," Beth slurred, slapping at the bar to get the bartender's attention. "Let’s close out and go! Next bar, up!" "Thought you weren't drinking tonight, Beth?" You slur, a knowing smile on your face. "Fuck off." She spits, placing a hundred dollar bill on the counter to cover everyone's drinks. Something the four of you often did. Someone would pay at one bar while another would pay at the next. The four of you finished your drinks, giggling as you walked out of the bar, walking to the next one. While three of you gossip, Beth lags behind, gasping at her phone. "What the fuck are tou foing," You slur, fumblimg your words and stopping the group. "Just shut up and keep walkin," she shoos you away, not looking up from her phone. Minutes later, you reach the next bar, Beth puts her phone away while she has a concerning smirk on her face. Do you confront her or ignore it? You choose to ignore, not wanting whatever it was to possibly ruin the night for everyone. Whatever your uwu girl was up to couldn’t be that bad. Beth wasn't one to stir up trouble or cause a scene. If anything, she likely ordered some more candles from Etsy. You all spent the rest of the night getting drunk and dancing on each other, without a care in the world.   Sunday morning you wake up, smelling Tequila everywhere. It was seeping through your pores. Your heart sunk, still no word from Soyoung. So you try to call him again. No answer. You tried again, and again no answer. You didn't understand. What did you do that was so wrong? You spent the entire day going through everything, old texts, playing in person conversations in your head,  trying to figure out how you might have fucked up in the last month or so, but nothing came to mind. So now the question you had was, what the fuck was his issue? You knew he didn’t like you showing up at his home unannounced, but at the same time this was past petty. The thought of calling his mother, who did not bother to hide her hate for you physically made you ill, you let your finger hover over her contact a little longer before closing the phone. You tossed it to the other side of your sofa, decisively picking up the remote to look for a movie to watch. Fuck him, you decide, just fuck him. ** After you had finished work on Monday, you still hadn't heard from him. When you woke up on Tuesday, again there was nothing. Everytime you called you were either sent straight to voice-mail or he just didn't answer. By the 3 week mark, you felt as though you might not even be together anymore. Three months later, you had heard nothing from him until your neighbour who was getting her mail had let you know he was out of town filming for a movie. She thought it was quite weird that you didn't know, and honestly, you thought the same but you weren't at all surprised, given Soyoung's past with you. Later that night, you had found out that night that when Beth was intensely looking at her phone, she had been entering a meet and greet with Super M, the band that the four of you were obsessed with. When she had gotten into the top five, she sent a video explaining who she would bring and why, and apparently they liked the way she represented you guys and how real you sounded. She should have told them you were all psychotic and loud because Super M was going to be in for a wild ride. At the four month mark, you still had not heard from him, and actively decided you were single. You took your ring off, leaving it on your bedside table. You didn't know why you tortured yourself like that, maybe you hoped he would walk through your door again one day, telling you that something had happened and he says so sorry before telling you how much he loved you, and would slide that ring back on your finger, telling you that's where it belonged and to never take it off again. Wishful thinking on your part. ** Finally Friday had rolled around, the night you were going to meet Super M. You had a hard time containing your excitement. All day you were a giddy mess, acting like a child who had gotten up early on Christmas morning to find a shit ton of presents. Friday afternoon, you had left work early to make sure you had ample time to get ready for meeting Super M. You unlock the door to your apartment, and walk in, being met with the face of your fiance, or the man who was now your ex. "Soyoung.. you're back?" You whisper, dropping your purse to the floor. "No I'm not. Just wanted to grab a few things.. and my ring." He says, sliding the ring off of your bedside table, and putting it in his pocket. "You're.. what is going on? Where have you been? Why did you leave? I thought we were happy?" You say. "Us? Happy? You're delusional." He laughs. "What? "I ended things four months ago." He deapans, hands in pockets with his feet braced apart. "Well thanks for telling me!" You yell, heart racing. "I did,"He shouts back. "Do you remember the night I dragged your drunk, embarrassing ass back home?" "No.. I had been drinking." You say, your chest tightening at the hurtful words you knew were going to come next. "Yeah you had, like usual. I ended things that night. I'm done. I have an important reputation to uphold and protect, and frankly your alcoholic, large self doesn't fit into it." He sneers. "Not to mention the vast difference in our status. Do you know what it's like being an actor with chances and then having an alcoholic teacher as my fiance? Fucking disaster." "I was coping. The loss of our baby was hard on me." You whisper, as it gets harder to breathe, tears freely slipping down your face now. "You know I've always wanted to be a mom." "Yeah well you losing our child was the best thing to happen to me. Imagine having a child with a low class whore. I can't believe any school would look at you and think you and that body, which is only good for one thing, should teach someone's kid. The universe knows who should be a mother, and you're not it." He continues as if her defense were nothing. "Also tell your friends that having them text me, asking me to check up on you while I'm out of 'town' is just fucking embarrassing." He finishes, sliding the ring into his pocket, and picking up his box before leaving. Tears fall from your face as what he said replays through your head, making you feel even worse. You didn't think that stuff like that was important, so it hadn't occurred to you that he thought that way. He had never mentioned anything to you, or brought it up, at least in so many words. Flashbacks play through yohr head, things he said during sex which should have set off some flags. "Fucking whore. You like getting your pussy rammed by a higher class man?" "Take that dick like the dirty low level slut you are." Did they make you uncomfortable? Sure, a bit but he had always been into dirty talk, so you chalked it up to that. Great to know he was being serious. Why did he have to show up tonight all night? The night that you get to meet one of your favorite bands, and your ultimate bias, Baekhyun. You couldn't look like a wreck tonight, so you dried your tears, took a few shots and put on your favorite song and started doing your makeup. ** A few hours after you were drunk and ready to go. A car outside beeped a few times, letting you know your friends were here. You locked your door, making sure to hold onto the railing as you walked down the stairs, not wanting to trip and fall. "Ladiessss." You slur, getting into the car, throwing your head back on the seat. "Let's go." "What happened?" Maggie asked, turning her head from the passenger seat to face you. "Apparently." You begin, clearing your throat. "Soyoung broke up with me when I was drunk four months ago and I don't remember, I'm in such a lower class than him and that's why I miscarried 5 months ago. Also that I'm a fat whore." You sniffle. Your lips begin to quiver as you remember the words again. You didn't want to cry, you couldn't but fuck it still hurt. "What the fuck." All the girls say in unison. "I've always hated him." Maggie spits. "Seconded." Beth yells. "Third..ed." Lisa partially answers, not knowing if that's a word or not. "Thirded is not a word, but thank you." You laugh as Lisa pulls you in for a hug. "We can cancel with Super M." Beth suggests. "Don't be dumb! Cancel on Super M? Who are you!?" You yell. "We don't cancel on kings. I'll be fine." You finish, taking a deep breath to shake off the sadness. "Are you sure?" Lisa asks, looking nervous that you might actually say yes. "Oh my god, no. We're not canceling." You laugh. "Lets go. I need a good distraction." 20 minutes later, the four of you sit outside the restaurant taking deep breaths. "I'm going to faint." Beth states, fanning herself with her hand. "Fucking Taeyong and Kai.." "Im going to meet Mark and Lucas." Lisa squeals. "Taemin, and Ten, my babies." Maggie groans. "And I'm going to meet Baekhyun. The only man I need." You say, a weird smile appearing on your face. "Fix that." Maggie says, pointing to your mouth. "You are not entering that restaurant looking like you're hiding a gun inside your vag, okay? Serial killer looks stay in the car please." She finishes, opening her door and adjusting her dress. "Less creepy. Got it." You say, hopefully smiling like a normal person. The four of you walk away from the car, your hands shaking as you make your way closer to the door. You felt like your heart might just drop right out of your ass when you walked through the doors. "We're here for the Super M meet and greet." Beth says, showing the man the confirmation. "Right this way." He says, motioning for the four of you to follow him to a private room. Whenever someone had told you they almost died when meeting their favorite celebrity, you never understood. Until today. When you walked in the room, all the guys were sitting at a table, four spots between them opened. Lisa sat in between Mark and Lucas, Maggie in between Taemin and Ten, Beth between Taeyong and Kai, while you sat beside Baekhyun with no one else on your other side. But you didn't care. Yes you loved the whole group, but Baekhyun was your one and you were in heaven. "Hi, im Baekhyun." He says with a gorgeous smile, holding out his hand. "Oh I know. I'm Ayn." You smile, shaking his hand. It was no surprise that it was soft to the touch. "Would you like a drink?" Baekhyun smiles, his eyes never leaving you. Call it crazy, but you absolutely felt something between him and you, and you could tell that he felt it too. "Tequila please." You laugh. "A Tequila fan? My kind of girl." Baekhyun smiles, waving over the waiter. Over the next few hours, you and Baekhyun talked about everything while the two of you took more shots. He asked you about your job, family, friends, ambitions, passions, everything. But you should have known not to drink too much, in order to not embarrass yourself in front of Baekhyun, but when he asked you if you were seeing anyone, you lost it. "I was engaged, but he dumped me when i was drunk, ghosted me for 4 months, told me I was a low class whore who basically deserved to miscarry and that I was fat." You sob. Everyone sits there stunned, mouths hanging open as you sob into a napkin that Baekhyun had given to you. "What an asshole." Baekhyun declares. "Like literally, I want to fuck him up. Who does he think he is? You are beautiful and I'm so sorry for your loss, you didn't deserve that. Where is he? Can I please beat the fuck out of him?" Baekhyun asks, rolling up his sleeves. "You're sweet." You giggle. "Honestly yes, you can beat him up. I hate him." "What's his name?" Baekhyun asks. "Kim Soyoung." You scoff. "That piece of shit!?" Mark asks from across the table. "Man we hate that guy already." Lucas mumbles. "Well there we go, now I have more of a reason to shit kick him." Baekhyun smiles. "But seriously, you're like a 20 out of 10. Stunning." He smiles. Your heart melts as his words replay through your head while he and the others make a plan for the rest of their night. "You guys down to come to the club?" Taemin asks, looking around the table. "Yes!" You all yell out in unison, excited for the next part of the night to begin. As you walk out of the restaurant, you pass through the dining room, where a familiar laugh rings through the room. You look around and see Soyoung sitting there, with a woman sitting across from him. "Wow, Kim Soyoung!" You yell, rage fueling your body with adrenaline. "Already engaged after you only left me 4 months ago?" You ask. "Ayn, stop it." Soyoung hisses. "Who are you?" The woman asks, standing up. When she turned around, your heart sank into your stomach, nausea consuming your body. She was at least 7 months pregnant, wearing your engagement ring. "It's not yours.. is it?" You whisper. "It's only been four months!" You yell. "She's got to be at least 6 or 7 months?" "Im 7 months, and we've been together for 3 years, what are you talking about?" She snaps. Tears fall down your cheeks as you try to piece together what she was saying. So were you the other woman or was she? You were engaged but now you're not, and she was having a baby, and you were not. "She could give me what you clearly couldn't. She's in the same league as me, unlike you. Get over it Ayn, I'm fucking done." "Oh I'm over it. I'm so done with you. Glad a pathetic piece of shit like you is no longer in my life." You say before he cuts you off. "You know what?" He asks, looking around the room. "There's always that one person in a group that doesn't quite fit in, someone they need to make the rest of them look good, that's you and you do a wonderful job at it." He smirks. "You're a miserable person, and a shitty lay. It was hard to feel anything when we fucked, considering you have such a small dick." You smile, Baekhyun grabs you by the wrist to drag you outside while Soyoung shakes with rage. He knew that if you kept going like he thought you would, Soyoung would probably do something that he shouldn't and you'd likely get hurt. "I'm sorry. That just felt so good to say." You tell Baekhyun, now sobering up from all the adrenaline. "It's all good." Baekhyun laughs. "I enjoyed it. Let's get out of here." Everyone climbs in two different vans, preparing to head out of the club. You began climbing when something stopped you and pulled you back out. Turning around you see a still fuming Soyoung, standing there with his fists clenched by his side.   "You think you can just say all that shit in front of my fiance and a room full of strangers and get away with it!?" He yells unclenching to grab the collar of your shirt, pulling you against him. "Why are you letting someone who is in such a low class bother you so much? Mhm? Maybe because you're not as high and mighty as you think you are? You're lower on the totem pole than I am." You whisper. Soyoung shoves you to the ground, raising his fist as if he was about to hit you. "I dare you." You say, knowing he wouldn't. "Hey!" Baekhyun yells, jumping from the van and shoving Soyoung back. "I always knew you were a piece of shit, but now you're an abusive piece of shit? Wow." Baekhyun snaps, staring hard at Soyoung, who sighs before walking away. "You okay?" Baekhyun asks, extending a hand to help you up. "I'm all good." You smile. "You sure?" He asks, making sure. "Positive. Let's party!" You laugh, climbing in the van. "She's amazing." He whispers before climbing in after you. ** Walking into the club, all eyes are on Super M as they glide past the dance floor, all of them looking like angels. They all head for the VIP section, which gives a perfect view of the dance floor. After everything that happened earlier with Soyoung, you were ready to forget everything with a few shots before you got lost on the dance floor. You, Maggie, Beth and Lisa all cheer your shots, each time you take one. After three, and a good song was finally playing, you all head out to the dance floor, finding a spot in the middle with an opening to view the VIP room. Your eyes lock with Baekhyun as you begin circling your hips, shaking your ass while running your hands over your body. You watch as Baekhyun licks his lips, his eyes trailing your body, watching you move so effortlessly. He takes a sip of his drink, his body slouched in his chair with his legs spread wide. You can feel yourself becoming more and more horny as you see the outline of his cock growing in his pants. As you continue dancing, you feel a pair of hands slide around your waist and a body press against you. Still looking at Baekhyun you notice his eyes go dark as he sits up, watching you dance with the strange man. He doesn't know why, but the jealousy he felt was coursing through his body. You break eye contact, turning to look at who you were dancing with and if you knew him. You didn't.  When you looked back towards Baekhyun he was gone. Had he left? Seconds later you feel the man leave from behind you, being replaced by another body. "You're a bad girl." You hear whispered in your ear. Shivers dip down your spine as Baekhyun grabs your wrist, taking you off the dance floor and towards the bathrooms. He pulls you into the men's bathroom, locking the door behind you, his eyes dark and needy. He grips your shoulders, pushing you against the wall, pinning your hands above your head. “If you wanted to make me jealous, it worked. Since the moment I first saw you tonight, I wanted you." he growled into your ear. His hands reach down to touch your thighs, slipping his fingers under your dress as you spread your legs slightly for him. Baekhyun glides his fingers across your clothed pussy, teasing you. “Please give me more” you whine as you buck your hips towards his already erect cock. “This is going to have to be quick." he smirks, unbuckling his belt and sliding down his pants just enough to allow his cock to spring free. Your mouth watered at the site of Baekhyun's thick and juicy cock. He backs away, letting go of your hands, allowing you to drop to your knees. Your hand barely wraps around his cock, pumping it a few times before you lean in to wrap your lips around it. Just as you reach the tip, a frantic knock comes from the other side of the door. It was Taeyong, and he only had to say one word for Baekhyun to panic and get the two of you out of there. "Saesangs." Baekhyun pulled up his pants, pulling you towards the only window in the bathroom. He sent a quick message to his group chat, letting them know to meet him at the van, asap. "I'm gonna lift you up and the climb up myself." He tells you, looking very serious but you can't help but laugh. "You.. you're going to lift me up? Me?" You giggle. "You're little." "Hey! I have muscles okay? I'm strong. Shut up." He grunts, just barely lifting you. "See." He says, his voice shaky and struggling. "Yeah okay." You huff, climbing through the window. "I can hear you on the struggle bus." You can't hear what Baekhyun's reply was, as you were too busy trying to drop to the ground. "Hurry up." He tells you, watching you dangle from the side of the building. "It's terrifying." You whisper shout. "It's like 4 feet. Get over it." He whispers back to you. "Before I peel your fingers off this ledge." "You do that and I will never give up this pussy." You say, not able to hear his mumbles. Taking a deep breath, you let go, dropping down not very far at all while Baekhyun effortlessly jumps from the window, landing gracefully as usual. Finally you confirmed, he was in fact just CGI and not real at all. There was no way a human could possibly be as perfect as Byun Baekhyun and not be fake. Just wasn't a thing. "Stop staring at me, let's go." He laughs, pulling you towards the van. "Baek we gotta go." Taemin says, rushing him. "Gimme your number, quick." Baekhyun urges. Quickly you write your number on his arm before he climbs into the van. "I'm sorry. I'll text you." He says before the van door closes and they drive off. "What the hell happened?" Maggie asked, walking up to you with Beth and Lisa. "We almost hooked up." You whisper, eyes wide. None of you can believe it, except Lisa. "Well he was watching you all night so I'm not surprised." Lisa tells you, raising her eyebrows. "We'll meet tomorrow for breakfast?" Beth asks the group. You all agree before going your separate ways to head home. Tonight had been a night that you would honestly remember forever. You really didn't have any expectations of Baekhyun to text you. He was a huge celebrity and you were, well a teacher with an alcohol problem. Not quite the catch you should be. When you finally got home,you stripped down into your underwear, hating yourself for wearing such sexy lingerie that no one got to see. You climb into your bed when your phone dings. A number you don't recognize. [3:08am] 4739272943: Hey, I had a great time tonight.. did you make it home? The smile on your face widened. You quickly added his number to your contacts before replying. [3:12am] You: I did, thanks for asking. I'm snuggled warm in my bed. [3:15am] Baekhyun ♡: I wish I was your blanket. Damn. I can't stop thinking about what happened in the bathroom [3:17am] You: Me either. I was excited. [3:19am] Baekhyun ♡: My cock is so fucking hard [3:22am] You: can i come over? [3:25am] Baekhyun ♡: (address) You crawled out of your bed and ran to your closet, putting on a trench coat over your sexy lingerie, and a pair of sexy heels. You rush down the stairs of your building, standing on the sidewalk to hail down a cab. Once you do, you begin telling the driver the address, double checking your phone to make sure it's correct. Sure it probably looked suspicious that you were going to a hotel at almost 4am, dressed like a hooker but if he knew who you were going to meet, he wouldn't judge. But he probably still would anyways. ** You stand outside the room number Baekhyun had given you, taking a deep breath before knocking lightly on the door. Before you could even knock a second time the door swung open, revealing Baekhyun who grabbed you and pulled you inside. "A trench coat?" He asks, trying to hide the smile on his face. "Why don't you see what's underneath before you judge." You say, glaring at him. Baekhyun reaches forward, unbuttoning a few buttons before you let the coat fall down your body, revealing the sexy lingerie you had on. "Yes, wow, good trench coat." He breathes. Baekhyun takes your hand, pulling you into him before pressing his lips to yours. Immediately you as though you’re melting into his lips. His mouth moves along yours, without any hesitation you open your mouth, just enough to allow him to slide his tongue in.  Every single worry you had quickly disappeared from your head. Every problem, insult, anything was gone. Baekhyun reaches down, placing his hands on the back of your thighs, giving a little push to signal you to jump up. You hesitate a little, but when he pushes even more you know he won't give up, so you jump up, wrapping your thick thighs around his waist. He walks forward and crashes you against the wall, deepening the kiss while pressing his body against yours. He removes your hands from going through his hair, and instead pinning them above your head. He breaks the kiss, placing small kisses along your jawline before moving down to your neck. You pant as he nibbles at your neck. "Do you want me as much as I want you?" He asks, looking you in the eyes. “Even more" you breathe. Baekhyun sets you down, reaching behind you tk unclasp your bra,  your nipples perk as the cold air of his room hits them. Baekhyun bends down slightly, taking a nipple into his mouth, giving it a small tug with his lips. "Fuck." You moan. He smirks as he takes your hand, leading you towards the bed. He lightly pushes your shoulders back, causing you to fall back onto the bed as he stands at the edge. His smile widens as he stares at your thick, beautiful body on display for him, and him only. He climbs on the bed with you, hooking his fingers into your panties, slowly sliding them down your leg. Baekhyun spreads your legs, memorizing every curve and crevice of your body. He licks his lips and smiles as he lays down in between your open legs, your pussy already dripping wet. He lowers his head slowly, spreading your lips open with two fingers before licking a slow strip up, his tongue stopping right above your clit. He moves his it slightly, using the tip to give you a few small kitten licks. Your hands grip the sheet of the bed as you let out a loud moan, your fingers turning white. “Fuck" you cry. It’s been too long since you’ve had someone take care of you. Never having been with anyone since Soyoung. Baekhyun moves his tongue faster, you buck your hips, grinding yourself against his face. “Shit that feels so good" you whine. Baekhyun picks up his pace, moving his tongue in every direction, your orgasm coming fast. “Please don’t stop. Just like that” you groan. Your breath hitches as his hands grip your thighs, steadying himself in-between your legs. “I’m.. I’m gonna cum" you cry, your hands moving from the bed sheets to his head, gathering a handful of hair and gripping it tightly. You move your hips faster, needing to cum now. A few more circles with your hips and you’re met with a delicious release as you cum, a wave of pleasure radiates through your entire body. Baekhyun looks up at you, smirking while he licks your juices from his face. You just lay there attempting to catch your breath as your chest heaves up and down. “Fuck me now” you breathe. Baekhyun's eyes go dark as he stands up off the bed, you maintain eye contact as he strips his shirt off, your mouth practically watering at the sight of his toned stomach. Yout mouth drools again at the sight of his thick cock, standing straight at attention. “It's not going to suck itself” he smirks, looking from his cock to you. A wide grin appears on your face as you sit up and begin to crawl towards him, you lay at the edge of the bed with your head level to his cock and mouth open wide. Baekhyun groans as he slides his cock into your mouth, pushing himself in as far as he can before you wrap your mouth around him. At first he starts out slowly, gently thrusting himself in and out of your mouth. With every pump, his thrusts become harder and faster. Tears begin forming in your eyes as he rams his cock down your throat, it burns, but you love it. “Jesus baby, your mouth feels amazing” he moans, his thrusts becoming sloppy. Almost as quickly as he moaned, he pulled himself out of your mouth, stumbling his way over to the wall. “Are you okay?” you ask, your voice hoarse. “Yeah, I was just close to cumming and I didn’t want to do it yet" he breathes. "You want to cum in my pussy, don't you?" You ask, feeling extra naughty. Baekhyun lets out a deep throaty growl as he stalks back towards you. You scramble to sit on the bed, with your legs clenched, the need for him to be inside of you so strong. “Get up and ride my cock “ he growls. The moment you move, he lays in your spot ready for you to sit on his cock. You move your leg over to one side of him, gripping his cock as you align yourself with him and sink down slowly. You clench yourself around him as you hit the base, your walls stretched. “Your pussy feels even better than your mouth” he grunts. You slowly begin to rock your hips back and forth, getting a rhythm you enjoy. Baekhyun rests his hands on your hips, pushing for you to ride him faster. Your hands reach down to rest on his chest, as you lift your ass up before bringing it back down onto him. After a few minutes you go back to slower thrusts, your clit rubbing perfectly against his pubic bone. Baekhyun sits up, bringing the two of you chest to chest before he slowly brings a hand up your back to grab a chunk of hair and yank your head back, exposing your neck. You let out a small moan as he places soft kisses. He smirks at you before changing his pace and flips you over to your back. He smiles as your legs are in the air and he slowly pumps himself in and out. “Fuck me harder” you beg. “Happily" he says before his face turns from a smile to dark. His thrusts are slow but powerful. He makes you shiver every time he thrusts in, hitting your G spot without a problem. Without a word, his pumps quicken as he consistently rams himself into your dripping pussy. “Play with my clit" you whine. Baekhyun removes a hand from your leg and places it in-between your thighs, spreading your lips and placing his thumb on the exact spot you need it. He begins to  rub as he continues to pound himself into you. “I’m not going to last much longer” he pants, his thrusts becoming sloppy again. “Choke me" you cry out. Baekhyun abandons your other leg, wrapping his large hand around your throat, giving it a tight squeeze. A few more thrusts and circles from his thumb, a stronger orgasm than before washes over you, pulsating through your body, leaving you breathless. A few hard thrusts and a few seconds later Baekhyun cums, soaking your walls with his juices. After milking himself, he half collapses on to you, the two of you breathing heavily. You both chuckle as he pulls out of you, laying his equally as sweaty body next to you. Just as you were about to say something, you're cut off by the sound of knocking on Baekhyun's hotel room door. "Shit." He whispered, looking at you with terrified eyes. He mouthed an apology to you before shoving you off the bed, leaving you naked in between the bed and the wall. "Come in." He says, clearing his throat, making sure he was covered. "Hey Baekhyun.." Lucas begins. "I heard some grunting.. just wanted to make sure you were okay?" He says, looking around the room. "Oh yeah, all good. Just working out." Baekhyun says awkwardly. "Naked. It's my naked workout time. Do you wanna join? We can not be naked. Unless you wanna be naked." He suggests. "Nah, I'm good." Lucas smiles, backing out the door. "Don't forget, flight leaves at 9am." He reminds Baekhyun. But he knew and he was trying to avoid talking about it or bringing it up for as long as he could. Lucas closes the door, and Baekhyun scrambles to the side of the bed you're beside. "Guess I should get going." You say, standing up and searching for your lingerie. "You don't.." Baekhyun begins before you cut him off. "It's fine. I get what this was. It was fun, you have to leave and go back to your life and I'll..go back to whatever mine is." You say. "It's fine. I knew this wouldn't turn into anything.. I mean look at the different worlds." You finish. "Are you done now?" He asks. You nod your head. "Finally. Look, I don't want to stop talking to you, or stop seeing you. I was going to suggest making long distance work until I can come back or you can come out there." He says, pulling his boxers on. "If you want." You stand there in your bra and panties with a giant smile on your face, trying to remain cool. "Yeah sure, I could do that." You say, shrugging your shoulders. "Don't sound so excited about it." He says, rolling his eyes.   The smile never leaves your face as you walk towards him, wrapping your arms around him, as he does you, holding you close for a few minutes. Another knock at his door breaks the two of you apart, knowing he now has to leave. "You go. I'll wait 10 minutes and then leave." You say holding back your tears. Yes you'd only met yesterday but it already felt like you've known him for a lifetime, things with him were just beginning and now they're ending just as fast as they began. "I'll text you." He says, placing a quick kiss on your lips before grabbing his bag and slipping out the door. Your heart sunk into your stomach at the thought of him getting on that plane and going back to Seoul, but you couldn't do anything. You had zero expectations of him texting you, and you sure as shit weren't going to text him first.   Just as you were leaving his room, your phone dings. Your stomach twists and turns with excitement as you see a text from Lisa, telling you where to meet them for breakfast. Thirty minutes later you arrive at the restaurant, after quickly running home to put on some clothes before going. "Why are you so happy?" Beth asks, referring to the giant smile on your face as you sit down next to her. "I'm just in a good mood." You laugh. A very good mood. "Bullshit. What or who did you do?" Maggie asks. "I'm not sure what you could be talking about." You murmur, avoiding eye contact. "You didn't." She gasps. "What?" You ask with an awkward laugh. "You slut!" Lisa screeches, making the other people turn to look at your table. "Oh ky god, what!?" You laugh.   "You and Baekhyun fucked didnt you?" Maggie asks. "When would that have even happened?" You ask, rolling your eyes. "You left us at 230am." She says. "Anytime after that." "I may or may not have gone to his hotel last night.." you pause, pursing your lips while they all sit there mouths hanging open. "Girls.. when I say he's big.. I mean he's biiiig." You smile, your facial expressions showing them exactly how big you meant. "Tell us everything." Lisa laughs. Leaning forward, you start from the beginning at the club, and how neither of you could take your eyes off one another. ** "You weren't naked working out last night, were you?" Kai asks Baekhyun, sitting next to him on the plane. "I was. I rather enjoy doing pilates.. naked." Baekhyun says, clearing his throat. "Really? I didn't know that. I also didn't know that you moaned like a girl when you worked out. Is 'fuck me harder' a part of thr pilates workout?" Kai laughs. "Actually it is." Baekhyun says, trying to keep a straight face. "Look, i don't wanna tell you what to do, Ayn seems like a great girl, but she seems to have a lot of shit going on." Kai says. "Just be careful." "We all have a lot of shit going on. That doesn't mean we're any less deserving of someone to care for us. I know what I'm doing." Baekhyun smiles. "Then I'm happy for you man." Kai smiles, closing his eyes, preparing to sleep for the long flight. ** You waited and waited for a text from Baekhyun, but nothing came. You understood when it was a few days, but after a week, you decided it was exactly what you expected. You had actually believed him when he told you it wasn't just a one night stand for him. When he told you he wanted more, that he would text you and facetime you. You knew people got busy and he was an idol but it didn't take too long to send a text, just a hey, how are you or something like that. The more you stared at your phone the more it made you sad that the last thing he sent to you was the hotel address. At least you would always have that night. Sitting in your bed, your blankets are wrapped around you as you scroll through the saddest sounds on your tiktok, tears welling in your eyes. Fuck this hurt. As you scroll, Maggie's name flashes across your screen in a phone call. "Hello?" You sniffle into the phone. "Come out." She tells you. "Beach day." That perked you up a bit. "Okay. Yes." You say, knowing it would be good for you to get out. You wiggle your way out of your bed, put on your cutest bikini and brush your hair before putting it up in a cute bun. You put on a little sun dress and your flip flops before grabbing a bottle of wine and heading to your car. When you're about twenty minutes away from the beach, your phone dings and since no one else is on the road with you, you decide to check it and see Baekhyun's name at the top of the text. He finally texted you! You smile down at your phone as you read the message. [1:23pm] Baekhyun ♡: Hey beautiful, I'm sorry it took me so long to text. Things have been crazy. But I miss you and I can't wait to see you again. Let's plan something soon, okay? You heart flutters, excitement taking over, until panic rushes in instead. You drop your phone when you hear the honking of another car, not realizing you had drifted into the other lane. Unable to get back into your lane in time, you go the other direction, your car crashing through the metal guard, the sound of metal scraping while you cry, trying to pump your brakes but they're not working. Everything happens so fast, one minute you're happy and driving, the next your car plummets into the water, sinking fast. You struggle to take your seat belt off, while also trying to kick out your windshield or even punch out your driver's side window. You can hear the people above, the people on land screaming and crying, begging someone to help you while you cry out yourself, pleading for someone to come save you but now it's too late, your car is completely submerged in the water. You wish you could breathe but you just keep sinking. Sinking. And sinking. Until the world fades to black. ** Baekhyun has his phone right beside him for the rest of the day as he actively waits for your reply. He saw that you read jt, but maybe you were just busy at the moment and couldn't reply, or maybe you were too busy fangirling to reply. Maybe you fainted? Maybe he took too long to text you? It's not that he didn't want to, but for the last week, from the moment he got off that plane, his schedule had been hectic. He had appearances, promotions, rehearsals, shows, and more. He barely had a moment to sit and breathe, eat or think. He wished he had messaged you sooner, just to let you know he was still thinking about you, that he hadn't forgotten. Great, you probably thought he used you for a one night stand type thing. He debated within himself if he should text you again, or leave it until tomorrow and send another message. Looking over at the clock, he decided that since it was so late he would wait to text you again, hopefully this time yielding a reply from you. ** That next morning he woke up, sending you a good morning text, but it didn't really go through. He thought it was strange that his text was green, but it didn't say not delivered. Maybe your phone was off or you forgot to charge it. [3:48pm August 23rd] Hey.. you're worrying me now. Are you okay? Please.. let me know. [11:54am August 24th] Seriously? Come on Ayn. Something, anything would be fine. He was trying to keep calm, trying to not think that you were ghosting him. But by the second week when none of his green texts turned blue and he hadn't heard anything, he felt like he understood now. You weren't interested anymore. You could have at least had the decency to tell him you weren't interested instead of ghosting him. Three weeks went by. Three weeks of him texting you and receiving nothing, not even a goddamn apology from you. This was it. He was done. He was tired of trying, of keeping his hopes up that maybe, just, maybe you'd message him back. ** Three weeks after the accident, you had finally woken up, and you were okay, for the most part. Your body wasn't like it used to be, considering you had been laying down for the last few weeks. Your muscles were weak, your body was sore, your left leg had a bit of a limp and you felt disgusting. This wasn't you. You weren't the girl who cried over her body, but you didn't recognize yourself anymore. When the doctor suggested you try Physical Therapy you were hesitant but Maggie reassured you that she would be there with you through it all. "My phone?" You ask, a few days later while stretching. "They're going to call me today. They're pretty sure they can back everything up." She tells you. Thank god. And they did. During the next three weeks of your therapy, you had four different tech guys working on your phone, trying to get your messages and contacts back but due to all the water damage, it was taking some time. Seven weeks after the accident, you were finally 98% percent back to your normal self, a few large cuts and bruises that still needed healing but mentally and physically you were feeling okay today. Today was also the day you got your phone back, contacts and messages and all. You couldn't wait, you felt terribly guilty for leaving Baekhyun on read like that for so long. You couldn't wait to message him, tell him everything that happened. You turn your phone on, and everything starts rolling in. Messages from Baekhyun, cute and sweet, and then they get frustrated and annoyed, and then he just gets mad. He goes from wondering if you were okay, to telling you that he thought you were different, to him telling you he thought Kai was right about you, and how he should have stayed away, that maybe you were too damaged for him. And then he's done. Your heart sinks but you can sort of see where he's coming from. You haven't messaged him in so long, but if he claimed to have liked you so much, then why didn't he try to reach out to anyone? Try to find out if something has happened to you? Regardless, you send him a text, trying your best to explain the situation in hopes that he understands. He should, who wouldn't? He didn't believe you? What did he mean he knows the truth? You were so confused. You tried to call him, multiple times but unfortunately for you, he denied your call each time. You got the hint. You weren't go8ng to be pushy with him, but it hurt your heart that he was acting like this. You had really liked him and now it seemed like he just wanted one thing from you that night and had no intentions of actually attempting to make things work with you. Just before you're about to walk away from your phone, it dings again, excitedly you look at it, hoping it Baekhyun but it's not. Instead it's from someone you want nothing to do with, Soyoung. Of course he was trying to get back in your life, unfortunately for him, no amount of apologies was going to work to get you to even talk to him. You had his toxic ass once, you didn't want it again. You'd rather get into another accident than deal with him. You turn on your TV, waiting for your show to come back on when an interesting commercial caught your eye. 'Become a teacher in Seoul. Live in South Korea for a year while you teach English.' This was it. This was your reason, besides trying to talk to Baekhyun for you to finally go to South Korea. 'Call 18004738234 now!' Picking up your cell phone, you dial the number with no hesitations. With the year you had, you needed a change in just about every aspect of your life. You were still coping with the loss of the baby you so wanted, despite who it would have been with, as well as your painful departure from Soyoung. Your meeting and falling out with Baekhyun, someone you really and truly could have seen yourself with for the long haul. The car accident, that even though you basically fully recovered, it took something from you and you didn't think you would be able to find whatever it was while staying in the States. "Hello? Yes, I'd like to apply for the job in Seoul. Yes I am a teacher." You smile. This was the change you needed. Three long weeks later you received your letter in the mail, the one telling you that you had been accepted into the teaching position and that you were to fly out to Seoul in exactly 1 weeks time. Squealing, you pick up your phone, making a call to your three best friends and asking them to meet you at your favorite restaurant. "So what are we all doing here?" Lisa asks, margarita in hand. "We are celebrating!" You announce. "Celebrating what?" Beth asks. "I was accepted into the teaching program in Seoul!" You announce, excitement plastered over your face. Beth and Lisa scream in excitement with you, while Maggie sits there, looking concerned about something. "Are you not happy for me?" You ask her. "It's not that. Just what's your reason to go to Seoul specifically? What do you think you'll find there?" She asks. "You know I've always wanted to go there." You say. "Yeah but are you going to see Baekhyun? I don't think that it's a good idea." She states. "What's with you? You were all for it in the beginning, what changed now? What if we're meant to be?" You ask. "You're not meant to be with him, okay? So just leave him alone." She spits, taking a sip of her drink. "What is your issue? I don't understand!" You yell. "My issue is that you're not ready for anything! You've been through alot and you were rushing! So I told him you weren't interested in him anymore." She whispers. (Flashback) Maggie sat beside your hospital bed, holding your hand as the ventilators breathed for you. Her heart ached for you while her mind tried to remain positive. She told herself over and over again that everything would be okay, that you would wake up soon. But everyday, that day never came. One day, she was scrolling through her Twitter when she noticed a DM waiting for her. As she opens it, she sees that it's Baekhyun, reaching out to her about you. Where were you? Were you okay? Taking a deep breath, she told him you were too nice to say it to him, but you don't want anything more with him. You got what you wanted from him and that was it and that you wished he wouldn't contact you anymore. Maggie felt terrible and Baekhyun never replied to her message, but she thought she was helping you, not hurting you. "When did you tell him?" You ask, trying to hold back the tears. "When you were first in the accident." She sighs. "I told him you only wanted him for the night and nothing else." "Wow." You laugh, no humor to be found. "And just what the fuck gives you the right to make those decisions for me?" "As your friend, I felt like it was my duty to help you when you couldn't help yourself. I wanted to protect you." She says. "Where was that when I was with Soyoung? He was so shitty yet you never said anything to me! And here I want to be with someone who is actually good and decent and you do that? Some fucking friend." You snap. "Where were you when he was threatening to hit me? I told you about that. Or when he yelled at me and talked down to me at the restaurant when we were out for dinner, you sat there silently. So don't try and act like you were protecting me from Baekhyun. There was nothing I needed protecting from. I needed you back then. Before he broke me down." You finish,walking out of the restaurant. ** For the rest of the week you spoke to no one. You ignored the calls from Maggie, the apology texts, and the texts from Beth and Lisa telling you to just take it easy on her. She was trying to be a friend. You hadn't planned on ignoring them until they took her side. You knew she was wrong, and so did they but they still took her side. You were over it. Your stomach was excitedly nervous as you boarded your plane. Sitting in your seat, your mind begins to wander, thinking about what you want. This was your chance to find out who you were by yourself. You had finally realized that you had no idea who you were or the woman you were supposed to be. You had always done what made Soyoung happy, bringing yourself down to lift him up, taking his abuse just so he would be happy and you have someone that told people they loved you. You had a hard time believing that you deserve any love because you weren't the smallest woman, the prettiest, the smartest, basically you serent good enough to be loved. But now that you have been alone, thinking about what you want and what kind of life you want you realized something. You deserve all the love in the world. You were an amazing, beautiful woman who was good enough. You were too good for Soyoung, and you were good enough for Baekhyun. ** When you arrived in South Korea, you knew you had a lot of work to do. First you had to find your apartment that you were sharing with another teacher, who had been here for a few months already and would be able to show you the ropes, and get settled in. But you also had to figure out how to run into Baekhyun. You just needed to explain to him what Maggie had done and how you had absolutely no part in it and didn't believe anything she had said. You tried to message him but he had blocked you on everything. Instagram, Twitter, Messaging, this was your only shot and this time you wouldn't blow it. You couldn't. You felt it in your bones that Baekhyun was meant to be your happily ever after. That you endured all you did because it led you to where he was, and where he was, was where you were supposed to be. ** Your first week in Seoul was.. well challenging. Gaining your students' trust, the beginning of teaching them how to speak English, it all started out a little bit rough. But as the time went on things became easier, your students began catching on, they started to feel more comfortable around you and you felt like you were finally home. This was where you were supposed to be, with these students, in this city, doing what you loved. As time went on and you stayed in Korea, you came to love yourself. Everyday you worked on yourself, becoming a stronger, happier version of yourself. Through the first year you were there, you made multiple changes to yourself. You dye your hair, started working out to feel better,  even made some friends who you went out with on the weekend. But there was still something in your life that you felt was missing. You hadn't dated anyone. Sure, there were a few guys you'd gone on dates with but for whatever reason they never worked out, or stuck and most of the time it was something about them you didn't like. Or they just didn't fit well with you, or the fact that they weren't Baekhyun. It had been a year since you spoke to him and he still crossed your mind at least once a day. You partially kept up with how he was doing through the tabloids but once it was rumored he had a girlfriend, you left it alone. Even though you'd been working on yourself, you didn't think you could handle it if there was any truth to it. Once your year working was up, you were offered full-time employment with your class, if you wanted to stay and continue to teach. You most definitely accepted it right then and there. That night you went out with some teacher friends to celebrate in Itaewon, which also happens to be a well known place that Idols like to frequent. You'd be lying if you said you didn't hope to even just catch a glimpse of his beautiful face in person instead of on a screen. After taking a few shots, you are dragged to the dance floor by one of the male teachers who you knew had a bit of a thing for you. The attention was nice, you were flattered but you were not interested and he seemed to have a hard time taking the hint that you didn't want anything sexual with him. He spins you around so your back is facing him, his hands on your hips trying to guide them to grind your ass on him. You turn around and tell him again, you're not interested in dancing with him like that, and he gets mad. "Why won't you just return my fucking feelings?" Kyungdo yells, grabbing your wrist to pull you into him. You try to pull your wrist from his grip, but his hand is holding onto you so tightly you can't.  "Please. You're hurting me." You whimper. "I'm not interested." You yell. Kyundo rolls his eyes, pulling you away from the dance floor, towards the door to leave the building, when you're stopped with a hand on your free wrist. "She said she wasn't fucking interested." A familiar voice yells, pulling you closer. Turning your head, you see the handsome man you had seen a year ago, his eyes dark, his lips pursed while his face even pissed off, was beautiful. "Mr. Byun. I'm a huge fan. Don't mind my girlfriend, she's just being difficult." Kyungdo says, bowing to Baekhyun who looks less than impressed. "Girlfriend?" He asks, looking at you. You shake your head no. Baekhyun peels Kyungdo's fingers from around your wrist, dropping his arm. "Leave her alone." He snaps, pulling you away from the now annoyed man. "Thank you." You say ask Baekhyun to pull you into a quiet, dark room. "Why are you here?" He asks. "I've been teaching here for a year. They asked me to stay so i'm out celebrating tonight." You whisper. "Fuck." He hisses, pushing you against the wall. "You shouldn't be here. It was easier when you weren't." "What Maggie told you.. wasn't the truth. I was in a coma for 3 weeks.. it happened the day you texted me. She thought she was protecting me." You say, needing him to know the truth. "So you never said any of that?" He asks. "No and I told you I didn't." You say. "I was mad. And confused." He admits. "I shouldn't have believed her." "No you shouldn't have." "I can't believe you're here. I've missed you." He breathes, his face so close to yours. Ring Ring Ring Baekhyun sighs, answering his phone frustrated.  "Hello?" He snaps. "Oh hi babe. Yeah I'll come over when I'm done. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Bye." He says, hanging up his phone. "You have a girlfriend?" You ask. "I do." He says, backing away from you. "Shit." "I mean.. old friends can catch up right?" You ask. "And talk." "You're right. Definitely. What's your KKT?" He asks you. You give him your chat ID before hugging and going your separate ways. Not even 10 minutes later he messages you, telling you how much he missed you and how often he thought about you in the last year. [2:43am] You: If I'm being honest, there wasn't a day that went by that I never thought about you too. It might sound creepy but I've been keeping up with you from watching things online. [2:46am] Baekhyun: Oh yeah no, that's not creepy at all. Hahah. It's good to talk to you again and it was good to see you.  You look great, minus the creep. Let me know if he bothers you again. [2:50am] You: unfortunately I have to work with him, so I'm sure he will be an issue. [2:53am] Baekhyun: Just let me know and I'll take care of it. [2:56am] You: i will. Good night Baekhyun. [2:59am] Baekhyun: Goodnight, beautiful. ** The next week you took your students out for a walking field trip, and imagine your surprise when you end up running into Baekhyun at the park. Of course, most of your female students start to lose their minds. "Guys, this is my good friend, Byun Baekhyun." You say, introducing them to him. The smile on Baekhyun's face fades away as you mention him as your friend. "Hello! Yes, I am Ms. L/N's friend." He says through gritted teeth. "It's so nice to meet you all." An hour later, Baekhyun had taken pictures and signed autographs for all the children in your class, leaving them beaming on their walk back to school. You can feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and you just know that it is Baekhyun. Opening your app, you were right, he was complaining about what you had called him. [11:13am] Baekhyun: Your friend?? So now we're just friends?? [11:15am] You: Yes we're just friends. Lol. You have a girlfriend, remember. [11:21am] Baekhyun: but still. You owe me. Date, tonight. [11:25am] You: if it's just as friends, i'm all in. [11:28am] Baekhyun: yeah sure, friends. The rest of the afternoon you spent trying to teach, but also trying to plan out your outfit in your head. You and Baekhyun were friends now, and that was good. He had a girlfriend and that was fine, because you were friends. But you didn't want to just be friends. You so wantex more with him. You wanted to kiss him, hold hands, cuddle, have him fuck you. But again, he had a girlfriend. You had to tell yourself that multiple times that afternoon as your thoughts would begin to wander into the dirty neighborhood, thinking about your first time together, the way his hands felt on your body, the way his lips moved against yours, the way your bodys meshed together perfectly. He had a girlfriend. ** That night Baekhyun picked you up in his Audi, playing a song that you'd heard on tiktok quite often, the trend of the men moving to their back seats. Your pussy instantly became wet. He had a girlfriend.   "So what's the plan?" You ask, getting comfortable in the passenger seat. "Ice cream?" He asks. With a smile on your face, you nod yes. Who could ever say no to ice cream? As the two of you drive to a stand way out of Seoul, Baekhyun rests his hands on your bare thigh, causing your clit to throb. He had a girlfriend. You could feel his thumb moving, rubbing your thigh in circles. Fuck. You wanted him bad and you wanted him now. "Stop the car." You say, taking a deep breath. "Everything okay?" He asks, pulling over to the side of the highway, parking the car. "You can't do that.. you can't rub my leg like that." You breathe heavily. "You're turning me on and you have a girlfriend." "Am i turning you on? I haven't even done anything yet." He smirks. "Stop it." You warn him, a hint of a smile on your face. "So you don't want me to do this?" He asks, leaning over, placing a soft, sweet kiss on your lips. You feel like you might faint. "N-no." You stutter. "Or this?" He asks, running his hand from your face down over your breasts, to your thighs, stopping at the hem of your skirt. "Fuck." You whisper. You look over at Baekhyun who slouched back in his seat, slightly bucking his hips, showing off his very large hard cock through his pants. You lick your lips as your body begins to move towards him, before your mind even realizes what you're doing. You reach your hand over, rubbing his clothed cock, his head thrown back against the seat, little moans escape his lips. "Shit." He grunts, bucking his hips once again. You reach your other hand over, working on undoing buttons and zippers. Baekhyun helps you by pulling down his pants, letting his cock spring free. It was bigger than you remembered, but just as thick. You get up on your knees on the passenger seat, leaning over to wrap your lips around the tip of his cock, slurping up the pre cum that had been spilling down. You wrap one hand around his length, pumping him while you twirl your tongue around his sensitive tip. "Oh my god." He groans, pushing your head down deeper, making you swallow his cock. You bring your head up, taking a breath before you begin sucking more harshly, Baekhyun's hand remaining on the back of your head, pushing you down. "Stop stop stop." He begs. You lift your head, letting go of his cock with a pop. "I'm gonna cum if you keep going and the only place I wanna cum right now is in your pussy. Back seat. Now." He demands. With a giddy smile, you crawl to the backseat of his car right behind him. Baekhyun sits in the middle seat, his legs spread wide with his cock standing tall, waiting for you to sink down on it. You hike up your skirt, moving your panties to the side while you straddle him, before lining yourself up and sinking down on his cock, stretching out your walls. You pull down your low cut shirt, exposing your perky tits. Baekhyun takes one in his mouth, gently sucking and tugging on your nipple, while you bounce on his cock. "I've missed the way your tight pussy grips my cock." He groans, helping you move your hips to ride him. Baekhyun reaches his hand up, grabbing a clump of your hair, tugging your head towards him, bringing your lips to his. Immediately he slides his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss. You quicken the pace, grinding yourself on his cock, your clit being rubbed the perfect way. "Oh god, yes." Yoh cry out, breaking the kiss. "Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock." Baekhyun grunts, lifting himself to meet your thrusts, holding you tightly. The two of you are too distracted and desperate for your orgasms, you don't hear Baekhyun's phone ring, two different times. "I'm.. cumming." You cry out, wrapping your arms around Baekhyun's neck, holding him tight as you ride through your high. He continues with his hands on your hips, bouncing you on his cock as he chases his own oragsm. "Fuck." He cries, grunting as he shoots his cum inside you, filling you up. The two of you sit there for a moment, catching your breath before you hear Baekhyun's phone ringing again. "Pass that to me." He says, his cock still inside you. You reach back, grabbing his phone and with the way you moved you can feel his cock growing hard again inside you. "Goddamn." He groans, thrusting into you again. He looks at his caller ID, and puts a finger to his lips, telling you to be quiet while he answers the call. "Hello?" He answers. You circle your hips on his cock. "Whats up?" He asks. You grab your breasts, pinching your nipples. "Yeah no that's fine." He says, clearing his throat. You let out a small moan. Baekhyun reaches his hand up, covering your mouth while you start to really ride his cock. "Look, they're calling me back. I gotta go." He moans, his hand still covering your mouth. "Bye." He says, hanging up the phone, tossing it back up front. "You're a bad girl." He smiles, pulling you in for a kiss. ** For the next few weeks you and Baekhyun would meet up and nine times out of ten, you ended up hooking up. Everytime before you met up, you told yourself you wouldn't sleep with him again but then he would give you a look, or say something that made you melt and give into him. Of course you felt guilty, but you couldn't help yourself. Baekhyun was like that addiction that you couldn't escape. He was the one thing in your life you didn't want to get rid of. "We need to talk." You say, panting as Baekhyun pulls himself out of you. "Do we have too?" He pouts, laying down next to you, his cock still hard. "Yes we do. You have a girlfriend. We can't keep doing this." You say as he sighs. "I know. I know we can't but I don't want to give you up, and it's not like her and I are really heading anywhere, anyways." He says. "Then why not end it?" You ask. "It's good for publicity." He says, pulling you in close to him. "When the time comes, things with her will be done and then you and I can announce our relationship." He smiles. "Are we in a relationship?" You ask. "I would like for you to be my girlfriend." He tells you. "She's my girlfriend on paper but you're mine in real life. You're all I've ever wanted." He smiles, rubbing his head. "Are you sure you want a low class teacher?" You ask. "I couldn't ask for anyone better." He smiles, holding you even closer. ** Dating Byun Baekhyun was hard. Much harder than you had actually anticipated. He was always busy with rehearsal, if not that then promotions, variety shows, interviews, concerts, meetings etc. The list always went on and on. Of course he did his best to make time for you, but at the moment, his relationship with his girlfriend was at its most important peak, so often you found yourself watching videos of them being out in public together, posing together, featuring each other on their social media. Basically doing all the things you wish he could do with you but is unable to. You did your beat to remain positive but the lack of seeing each other, the secluded dates and whispered phone calls were beginning to be a little too much for you. Especially today, when you checked your Instagram and are mey with a very romantic photo of Baekhyun kissing this girl. A kiss that looks sincere and serious. The next photo he looked insanely happy. Maybe it wasn't just for the press, what he had with this girl. Maybe he had real genuine feelings for her but did also for you and didn't know how to choose. Maybe you should just make it easier for him and end things now, before you get anymore attached because if you do, you will never be able to leave, no matter what happens. You want to take your time with this, really think about it before you make a rash decision. You left your apartment, going for a walk to clear your head instead. As you walk passed an alley, you're pulled inside and pinned against the wall by a scary looking woman. "Leave Baekhyun and his girlfriend alone, homewrecker." She shouts, slamming you into the wall before running off. Startled, you ran back to your apartment, calling Baekhyun immediately. "Hi baby." He whispered into the phone. "I'm done, Baekhyun.. i can't do this anymore. Someone just told me to stay away from you and Hwasa. It's just too much and I can't." You say panicked into the phone before hanging up. You toss your phone on the couch, not wanting to talk anymore to him. Your whole body is shaking as you turn on your shower. Shivers spread down your spine as you undress, stepping into the hot water, trying to calm your nerves. "It's okay." You whisper to yourself, taking a deep breath. Twenty minutes later you're still in the shower, sitting on the floor, knees to your chest when your bathroom door opens and Baekhyun walks in. "Baby. You can't do that." He sighs, taking off his clothes to join you. "I can't do this anymore Baekhyun. And it's not just the girl. It's the secret dates, no being in public, not seeing you. It's too hard." You cry. "I know." He whispers, pulling you up and into his arms, the one place that never fails to make you feel safe and secure. "All I want to do is make you happy, so that's what I'm going to do. I'll get this sorted out okay? You need to talk to me. I can't fix things if I don't know what needs fixing." He says. You knew he was right. But you were scared. "I'm all in. Are you?" He asks. You nod your head yes. "Good. I have an idea." He smiles. "Stay there." He tells you, pulling out his phone. A few minutes later, your phone dings, notifying you that Baekhyun was live on his Instagram account, and you felt nervous. You had a feeling you knew what he was going to do but you weren't sure. If there was one thing that you knew about Baekhyun, he was unpredictable and usually liked asking for forgiveness more than asking for permission. "Hello everyone! How are you?" He smiles. You watch him walk around your living room, answering some of the questions. "You're right. I'm not in my usual place. This is a new place. No, it's not Hwasa's." He laughs. "I actually have something to tell you guys." Your stomach drops. What was he doing? "Hwasa and I were never a couple, really. It was for sales for her new album, our managers thought it was good marketing." He says. "No, I'm not single. Guys, I'd like you to meet the love of my life, my beautiful Ayn." He says, grabbing your hand and pulling you close to him. "She and I met a year and a half ago at a Super M meet and greet. We've recently reconnected and I couldn't be happier." He smiles. You look absolutely terrified. You know Baekhyun stans and they could be vicious, vile and just mean. You managed to peek at the comments, and surprisingly they were mainly positive. 'She's so beautiful' 'What a lucky girl!!' 'I ship it!!' Your heart melted at the fact that people were a tally supporting the two of you, something you never expected to happen. "Thank you for all the kind words but now I have to go and make some calls." He laughs, looking at his phone lighting up with texts from his manager, telling him to call him, now. "You didn't have to do that!" You say, after he ends his live. "I didn't but I wanted to. I never want you to feel less than in this relationship, Ayn." He tells you, making you melt. "But now my manager is losing his mind. I have to go. I'll call you later. I love you." He smiles, placing a kiss on your lips before answering his phone and leaving your apartment. Was this real life? Because it sure didn't feel like it. To think you had gone from Soyoung who rarely wanted to be seen in public with you, to Baekhyun who announced his love for you on his Instagram live, in front of millions of fans, was insane. The difference between a toxic relationship and a non toxic one was amazing and you loved it. ** Later that evening, Baekhyun had called you, asking you to come over because he wanted you to have dinner with him and the rest of Super M. Of course you said yes, they were basically his family and you wanted to get to know them better. You only had to knock once before the door was opened for you by Mark, who had a giddy smile on his face. "Nice to see you again. Baekhyun's in the kitchen..but" He pauses "Do you think I could have Lisa's number?" He asks right away. With a laugh you give him the number he desperately seeked, running off the moment he got it. Walking over to the kitchen, you open the door partially before you hear a conversation you're not sure if you should be interrupting.   "She's not good for you Baek." Someone says. "How do you know? You won't even give her a chance." Baekhyun responds. "Kai, i'm sick of this. Back off. I love her. I'm going to marry that girl." "You're going to make her life hard. Harder than it already is. She's damaged goods. You deserve more." Kai says. You know he's right. Even though you've been trying to work on yourself, you're a mess and you likely always will be. Did you want to put Baekhyun through that? Your random mood swings, issues with alcohol, problems with fertility. He probably wanted a family but you weren't sure if you could give him that. "Yeah I know I deserve more. I deserve a better friend who supports me." Baekhyun scoffs. "Don't talk shit about her again. There's nothing wrong with her. Everyone has baggage, everyone has issues, if I didn't want to be there for her and help her through the problems, I wouldn't have bothered. But that's what you do when you love someone. You're there for them regardless if it's good or bad, or you're mad at them or not. Her last relationship was terrible.. she was treated like dirt so yeah there are some problems." Baekhyun says. "But.." Kai starts, before being cut off. "But nothing. You're choosing to see the bad, when I'm looking at the good. She's beautiful, funny and smart. She's got a mouth on her like a sailor and drinks like liquor is going out of style, but she's also generous and courageous and loyal." He tells Kai. This man. This man makes your heart melt. "Im done talking about this. Don't bring it up again. She's my future." He finishes, opening the door to the living room, seeing you standing there with tears in your eyes. "Did you.." he pauses. You nod your head. "Shit. Im sorry baby." He apologises. "I'm too problematic for you." You whisper with a sniffle. "That's one of the many things I love about you." He laughs, taking your hand to drag you into the dining room. The rest of the night was filled with laughter and jokes between you and the rest of the guys. Kai was quiet for most of the night, not actively participating in the conversations. "What's wrong?" Taemin asks him. "I don't think it's a good idea." Kai says, glaring at you. "What have i ever done to you?" You ask him. You're tired of this. You've never done anything to Kai for him to dislike you this much. "I've become quite close to Soyoung, and he's told me quite a bit about you." Kai says. "I didn't want to tell you Baekhyun, but since you're not listening to anything else I guess I'll have too." "Tell me what?" Baekhyun asks. "Ayn here went crazy on Soyoung. He went out with friends one night, and when he came home she had trashed his entire apartment, was screaming and crying and threatened him with a knife. Is that the type of woman you want?" Kai asks. You are still there with tears welling up in your eyes. He wasn't wrong, but clearly Soyoung didn't tell him the full story either. "Do you know why that had happened? Did he tell you?" You ask, your voice shaky. "He said he didn't do anything. You just lost it on him." Kai says smugly. "Hah. Sounds like him." You sniffle. "So I guess he didn't tell you earlier that night before he left he had hit me a few times? Told me that I was stupid and useless and a waste of skin. Said that I deserved to be hit, that maybe it would knock some sense into me." You cry. "Did he tell you that when he came home he tried to hit me again, and that's why i threatened him with a knife? I fully admit to trashing his apartment but I think I had a pretty good reason. Same with threatening him. I was sticking up for my life. Remember there's two sides to every story before you start sticking up for a woman beater." You snap, standing up from your chair. "I'm sorry." You whisper to everyone, hurriedly leaving the room. "You're a piece of fucking work." Baekhyun snaps at Kai, leaving the table to follow you. While he walks away he can hear the rest of the members standing up for you. Baekhyun opens the front door and finds you crouched down, crying into your hands. "Come here." He whispers, picking you up and bringing you to his room. He lays you on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around you as you cry into his chest. "I'm sorry." You whimper.   "You have nothing to apologize for." He tells you. "You deserve someone not so fucked up." "I don't want anyone else. Just you. Past and all." He answers. "I don't think I can have children." You say. "We will figure it out when it is time to." He tells you. "I just want you." You fell asleep that night still wrapped in his arms, never have been feeling more safe. ** Over the next few months, Baekhyun had been hinting at a surprise he had for you, but refused to give you any details on it, telling you that you had to wait, that it called for the right moment. Then one morning, he called you at 7am and told you to get ready and be ready by 8am. Today was the day for your surprise. Baekhyun picked you up in front of your apartment, making sure to blind fold you before leaving anywhere. "Any guesses?' He asks, driving to a special destination. "Breakfast?" You ask, hungrily. He laughs. "No baby, sorry." "I don't know." You sigh, waiting for the ride to be over. A little while later the car stops and Baekhuun brings you inside a noisy building. You can hear announcements over the speakers, so you knew it was the airport. "Are we going somewhere?" You ask. "Nope." He answers, taking off your blindfold and making you face him. "Are you ready." He asks. You give him a look before he turns you around and you see your three best friends running towards you. The tears are instant as you run towards them, embracing them all at once. "W-what? How? Oh my god." You cry, holding them all tightly. "Baekhyun set it up." Lisa cries. Letting go of the group, you hug Beth first, then Lisa, leaving Maggie for last. You hadn't talked to her much, since you hadn't left things very good between the two of you. "I'm sorry." She whispers as he hugs you tightly. "I'm so so sorry." "It's the past. It's okay. Let's leave it there." You say, hugging her back. ** That night, the five of you went for dinner at a fancy restaurant and for whatever reason Baekhyun was very nervous. He sat there, his leg shaking as you four girls talked about everything. His mind seemed to be off in space, as he thought hard about something. No matter how many times you asked, he was always telling you that things were fine and that he was just letting you guys all catch up. After you all had eaten, Baekhyun stood up from his seat abruptly, looking you in the eyes as he got down on one knee, pulling out a ring box. You sat there shocked, with your mouth opened wide as your friend squealed and screamed. "Ayn L/N. You are the light and love of my life. Would you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?" He asks. You can't speak, just nod. So that's what you did. You nodded yes a million times, unable to even believe that he had just proposed to you. You got to spend the rest of your life with the love of your life. ** A year later, you're in a room with your best friends, while you wear a big poofy white dress. "Just do it after." Beth whines. "No I need to do it now." You demand. With a sigh, the four of you make the way into the bathroom. They all lift up your giant dress, letting you stick the small test underneath you while you pee on it quickly. "How long do we wait?" You ask, placing the test on the sink. "Three minutes." Maggie answers. Your stomach twists and turns as you wait the longest three minutes of your life. The doctor had told you and Baekhyun to not get your hopes up and that the chances of you ending up pregnant were slim to none. So when you missed your period and felt nauseous, you were skeptical but decided to take the test anyways and now was the moment of truth. You grab the test, turning it over and see two very bright pink lines. Positive. You do your best not to cry, not wanting to ruin your makeup before you get married. "Bride, lets go." You hear from outside the bathroom. Making sure you're okay, you head out, your new friend, and escort down the hall Kai waiting for you. You link arms as the grand double doors open, revealing Baekhyun waiting for you down the aisle while your friends and family fill up the room. "Welcome everyone. We have gathered her today to witness the union of Ayn L/N and Byun Baekhyun." The officiant says. "Before we begin, is there anyone who thinks this couple should not be wed?" You nervously waited for someone to say something but when it didn't come, you told him to continue. "The couple has written their own vows." The officiant says, letting the two of you speak. "I promise to always love you, even when things are bad, to never yell, or leave angry. I promise to always tell you how beautiful you are and hold you when you're sad. But most of all, I promise to always remind you that you are good enough, too good for this world and for me, and I promise to never let you forget it." Baekhyun whispers, holding back his tears. "I promise to always love you, be there for you through the good and the bad and in between. I promise to always support you in the decisions you make, and to always remind you how important you are to me. I promise to be your rock when you need it, your everything." You cry. "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." He says. Baekhyun pulls you in for a kiss, dipping you down before bringing you back up. ** Later that night, during the reception dance, you slide your test to Baekhyun, leaving him speechless. "Are you serious?" He asks. "Doctors appointment Monday." You whisper, crying again. "Why are you crying?" He asks, pulling you into him. "What if it doesn't stick? What if I'm not a good mom if it does?" You ask. "Baby." He smiles. "It will stick. You're perfect. You'll be an amazing mom, you know why?" He akss. "Why?" "Because you are good enough." For once in your life, you finally believed someone when they said that. You knew Baekhyun wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. You always have and will be, good enough.

[bondsmagii]

statement regarding the sudden disappearance of all my childhood memories and subsequent photos, gradually, over the course of four years

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Jasmine Harper, regarding the disappearance of all childhood memories and photographs over the course of four years. Original statement given July 21, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I can’t really remember when it was that I noticed. It was a gradual thing, but at the same time it felt so sudden… like I woke up one morning and they were all gone, or at least most of them were. But I know that isn’t what happened at all, is it? The more I think about it, the more I realise that I began to forget years and years before I realised something was truly wrong. I thought it was normal, you know? I thought it was just part of getting older. I mean, how many of us get out of university able to recall the full names of everyone in our first primary school class? I took Psychology for one of my A-Levels, actually, and when we did our module on memory that was one of the tests. I must have been able seventeen then, so it was before I noticed this happening. We had to take a sheet of paper and write down every full name we could remember from our first primary school class. I won by a landslide, and I had five names. Only five names! But that’s the thing – I used to have such a good memory when it came to my childhood. That’s why I can’t understand what’s happening.

I had a good childhood. This isn’t any childhood trauma or anything like that. I mean, there were some nasty moments in it, like any childhood is prone to have – I had a problem with bullies when I first started high school, nothing out of the ordinary but you know how cruel kids can be, and when you’re that age it sticks with you. My parents divorced when I was fourteen, but there was nothing specifically traumatic about that. It sucked, and I was sad to see them sad, but they remained civil through the whole thing and actually got on better afterwards, so it wasn’t like there were screaming matches or anything. They were careful to keep my brother and I updated on everything, which I was thankful for. It was nice, that they didn’t do what a lot of parents seem to do – treat us like small children, and not young adults who would also be affected by the situation. If I ever get a divorce, I hope to god it’s as pleasant as my parents’ was. There’s nothing in my childhood that I can pinpoint that might have caused this, and that seems to be a common cause of forgetting, at least – trauma, mental illness, something like that. I’ve… struggled with depression sometimes, but never anything that I didn’t get under control with the right combination of things. Really, I’m a completely normal, average person. There’s nothing that could have caused this at all. I’ve been to doctors, I’ve had brain scans, I was worried it was some kind of tumour or stroke, but no. Nothing. I’m perfectly healthy, but I don’t feel it.

As I said, it began gradually. I realised I was forgetting things; small things. The address of the house I lived in until I was five. Old phone numbers. The last names of childhood friends. Some of my teachers’ names. None of it was unusual. I’m pretty sure everyone forgets those things, so I wasn’t worried at all. A little annoyed sometimes, because it really felt like getting old, or I couldn’t randomly look somebody up on Facebook to see how they were doing or something, but really it wasn’t unusual at all. It was only when I started forgetting bigger things that I began to grow concerned. I mean, this was stuff that I shouldn’t forget at all, or that was relatively recent. I know for most people, childhood probably means when they were a smaller child; before they hit their teenage years, perhaps. Well, this seems to be taking the legal definition of child as its guide, because I found myself forgetting things that happened when I was sixteen, seventeen years old. I mean, that’s not that long ago! That’s not even ten years ago! I began to forget huge chunks of time; before I knew it I couldn’t recall my earliest memories, and then I couldn’t recall anything from primary school. It’s just blank, like trying to think about what was there before I was born. Still I told myself it wasn’t that much to worry about, but then it began creeping up and up, and back then I still had the photographs. I could look through photo albums or friends’ Facebook pages and see what I was forgetting: a birthday party at Alton Towers when we were eleven, the school ski trip to Italy when we were fourteen, our school’s knock-off idea of an American prom when we were seventeen. There I am, in all of the pictures, grinning and present and definitely there. But I can’t remember a thing about the day at all!

I finally accepted something was terribly wrong at my aunt’s wedding. She was getting married pretty later on in life because she was kind of wild as a young adult, didn’t want to settle down or anything. Everyone was fond of her – she always had the most interesting stories and she’s just a lot of fun to be around – and so the whole family was there to see her get married: all the surviving grandparents, great aunts and uncles, cousins, partners, friends, kids, even the dogs were invited. It was a beautiful summer day and everyone was having so much fun and I know this sounds stupid but I feel so mad that this had to happen on that day of all days, because nothing bad is supposed to happen at a wedding, right? Well, everything was fine until late into the reception, and we were all a little drunk but not overly so. I was sitting with my mum and brother at a table with some cousins and my aunt and her new wife, and we were all reminiscing about other crazy family parties and stuff. I was talking about my grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, that happened when I was twelve or thirteen. I was telling some story – of course I can’t even remember what it was now, but it was something about me and my brother and the cousins that were at the table with us, and I was talking about it just fine and then, literally mid-sentence, I forgot it. Not just what we were doing, but the whole event. I didn’t even know I was talking about the anniversary until my brother prompted me, and then it was just blank. My brother and cousins all picked up the story and I laughed along and played it up like I’d had a little too much wine, you know, haha, but I mean it when I say it was gone. And not only that – it felt taken from me. It felt as though somebody had reached into my head and just… plucked the memory right out.

It bothered me so much that I went to visit my mum shortly afterwards. We sat down and had a few cups of tea and eventually I worked up the courage to ask if I could root around in the photo albums, saying that the wedding had reminded me of a few things I wanted to look at again – ironic, I know. Mum was of course down to get out all the albums – she never went digital, she doesn’t like not having physical albums to look through – so we dragged a bunch of them down and sat around the table to look. The first one was normal, just a family holiday to Florida when I was sixteen, but as we started going through the older albums I noticed there were pictures of me missing that I know for a fact existed. They were just gone, and then there were others where I knew I should be there but I wasn’t. And Mum didn’t think anything was strange! There was one picture, I remember it so clearly because we almost got into a big fight about it, and it was of my brother dressed as Spider Man on Halloween. I distinctly remember that night because I was dressed as the Pink Power Ranger and the costume was uncomfortable as hell, so I know I was there. I know I was in that picture, because it was such a ridiculous picture, the two of us in full bodied costumes like that, and I finally mentioned to my mum that I should be in there. Not aggressively or anything, just oh, I could have sworn I was in that one!, and she denied it and I insisted and she kept saying no, she was sure it was just George in that picture, but then I pointed out that George had his arm out in mid-air like it should be around someone. It was clearly around my shoulders. The height was right, his fingers were slightly curled like they were pressing in to my arm. Mum just looked for a moment, and I thought, briefly, that she might finally see it – but then she just said George was doing a Spider Man pose, like shooting a web from his wrist or something, and I just… I don’t even know. I just felt so hopeless, I almost cried. I was sure, so sure! Mum’s always taken photos, even now – every holiday, every event, even just going over for Sunday dinner. She’s told me several times I loved being in front of the camera as a kid, so I know there must have been way more pictures of me than that. Mum just didn’t get what I was on about, though, so I gave up in the end. There was no use fighting. What could I say?

Well, that was when I went to the doctor. I’ve already outlined how useless that was. Nothing wrong with me at all, apparently, but I’m sure most of them weren’t really taking me seriously. I was told it couldn’t be all my memories, and that photographs didn’t just vanish. I was seconds away from getting referred to a psychiatrist when I decided I would be better off shutting up about it. I’m not—I don’t think this is mental illness. I’ve looked it up so many times and I’ve read about people being delusional, you know, not believing they’re the ones in the picture, or that other people in the picture have been replaced, but that’s not what’s happening here. I haven’t read anything about like what’s happening to me. Nobody is out there saying they’re forgetting their entire childhood, birth to eighteen, and the pictures are vanishing along with it. There is something else going on here but I don’t know what. I’ve never done anything to deserve this, I’ve never messed around with anything I shouldn’t. If this is something like—like what you people investigate, I do not know when I would have come across it. I don’t even know what I mean by this. It seems ridiculous to even consider that it could be a ghost, or a curse, or—or God knows what.

A few weeks after this I went to Mum’s again, and one of the photo albums was still out. I looked through it and I was gone from every single picture. I was not there at all. Even the ones I saw only recently, I was gone from them. Just George on his own, and in the spaces where pictures of just me should be, other photos had replaced them. Just scenery shots, or views from the hotel balcony, or Christmas decorations and piles of presents, or spreads of holiday food. Nothing Mum would put in there herself. She likes to preserve the details, but her albums are for people. Her photos in the albums always have people or pets in them. I showed her, pretending it was just out of interest, but she seemed to not know what I meant. “I’ve always accessorised”, was what she said. Something about context, making it a pretty spread, keeping all the themes together. I don’t know. It was nothing that Mum would say, anyway. She was always so militant about it – at least up until recently.

I walked around the house a bit and of course I was gone from the rest of the pictures, too. My school photos were all gone, and all the framed pictures on bedside tables or shelves showed just my brother, or more scenery. There was one picture of the rose bush in the garden and I knew for a fact I was supposed to be standing in front of it, because it was my prom picture and I was wearing a dress the exact same shade of red as the roses, and Mum wanted to get a picture of me standing in front of it to show off the perfect colour match. There was just the rose bush, and even when I picked up the frame and looked closely at the picture, I could see no signs that it had ever been anything but. I wondered why it was still there, because pictures of just me usually vanished and got replaced by something else entirely, but then I saw in the corner, almost hidden by the frame, the faintest pink blur of part of my mother’s finger. Is that all it takes? Is one blurry finger worth more than my entire being? I don’t understand what’s going on!

I think… I think I could deal with it easier, if it wasn’t for the fact that everybody seems to think nothing is wrong. If it was just one of those weird things, I think I could live with it if my parents and brother were also with me on it, knowing it was weird, being concerned. I’ve looked everywhere and they’re all gone, all the photos, in every relative’s house and on Facebook. The earliest ones I can find are on my eighteenth birthday party. Everything before that is gone. I don’t remember anything. It’s like I materialised at age eighteen and there was nothing before that; I don’t even really know who I am anymore. I can’t know, because all the steps I took to get here are gone, and everything I learned about my family and friends as I grew up alongside them has vanished. I feel completely… completely detached, completely adrift, and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid but it just feels like there’s a little less of me every day. It’s like I spent eighteen years building up, and now I’m just… fading away.

I don’t know what to do.

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

This is a fairly straightforward one to follow up. There isn’t really much to say. On the surface it does very much seem like a case for a doctor rather than the Institute, but some things do seem to back up part of the story, at least. Attempts to get in contact with Ms Harper were unsuccessful, as it seems she does not exist. There are a couple of records here and there of a Ms Harper matching the age and occupation that she provided with her statement, but when Tim contacted the workplaces involved, nobody could recall her. As for anything else – records such as a birth or death certificate, a driver’s license – there is nothing. Of course, she could have provided a fake name, but Tim managed to get in touch with George Harper, Ms Harper’s younger brother, and confirmed it was the same George Harper by asking a few questions about his childhood. He recalled several holidays and weddings that Ms Harper mentioned, though he mentioned nothing about a sister. When questioned about siblings, he was adamant he had never had one, and had grown up an only child. I’m not entirely sure how he did it, and nor am I inclined to want to know, but Tim managed to persuade Mr Harper to give him the contact information for his parents. Both stated that they had only one child – a son. The only Jasmine in the family seems to be Mrs Harper’s pet pug dog; apparently, Mrs Harper “always liked the name”, but had never had the chance to use it.

Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be much more we can do regarding this one.

End recording.

[believingispowerfulmagic]

“Reunited at Last” Chapter 11: A Turning Point

Upon returning to camp, John helped Robin dismount with the injured woman in his arms. He then tended to the horse as Robin carried her to his tent, calling for Tuck to come examine her. The friar rushed over with Marian not far behind him and the two entered the tent right behind Robin, who laid the woman down on his bed. He took a step back and sucked in some air as the lantern in his tent illuminated her face, revealing her identity.

It was the Queen.

"Robin, what the hell happened?" Tuck asked, looking confused and concerned at once.

"I don't know, we just found her unconscious on the ground and her horse in distress," Robin replied, still reeling from the revelation of who he had saved. "It was too dark to recognize who she was."

Marian moved toward him as Tuck approached the bed. She wrapped her arm around him. "Do you think she finally crossed the wrong person?" she asked.

"Possibly," he replied. "Though if this person was able to take down the Queen, I'm glad that I didn't run into them."

"I suppose so. But if they did take down the Queen, doesn't it mean they're a hero?" she mused.

Robin shook his head. "Not necessarily. They could just be a stronger villain."

She shuddered. "I don't think I want to know who would be worse than her."

"So, do we know who we saved and how she is doing?" Little John asked, coming into the tent. He stopped short, the color draining from his face. "Bloody hell…"

Tuck straightened up, looking somber. "Marian, I need your help in removing her dress. I need to see how bad the wound on her side is."

Marian pressed her lips together before nodding. She stepped forward to help Tuck while John moved to stand next to Robin. Both men turned around to give the Queen some privacy, staring at the back of the tent. Robin knew it was probably more than she would afford them but it was still the right thing to do.

Robin pressed his hand to his mouth, still processing the fact that the broken woman on the forest floor had been the queen. He had rescued the woman whose Black Guards chased him and his men throughout the forest, though not with the same persistence as the Sheriff of Nottingham. But they were still a threat. And he had no doubt that the queen would issue the same punishment for them as the sheriff.

Death.

"Alright," Tuck said. "You two can turn around again."

Robin and Little John turned to face the bed again. Marian held the queen's dress and the royal was covered by a fur blanket. The candlelight revealed beads of sweat rolling down the Queen's pale face and Robin knew that wasn't a good sign. "How bad is she?" he asked.

"She's in a pretty bad way," Tuck replied. "Her left arm and right leg are broken and she has a nasty bump to the back of her head in addition to cuts there. But I'm mostly worried about the wound on her side. She appears to have been pierced by a sword and I worry infection may already be setting in."

"What do you recommend?" Robin asked.

"We need to set her broken bones immediately," Tuck said. "And there's a poultice I can make that should help fight the infection but the next few days will be critical for her."

Robin processed everything Tuck had said as John asked: "And if we do nothing?"

Tuck narrowed his eyes. "She might recover on her own but it's far more likely she would die."

"We don't necessarily have to go out of our way for her then," John suggested. "Just leave her and see what happens."

"You want to essentially condemn her to death?" Tuck asked, sounding appalled. When put that way, Robin felt appalled as well.

John, though, shrugged. "She may recover. She may not. I'm just saying we don't help her toward either direction. She certainly wouldn't go out of her way for us."

Tuck frowned. "Either way, she will suffer. Her body will get too hot and it will start destroying her internal organs as well as affect her brain. She will become delusional and just be in agony until either her body fights off the infection or she dies."

"It's no less than she deserves," John replied. "She would likely kill us all without hesitation. Why shouldn't we return the favor?"

"Because that would make us no better than her," Tuck argued, his face turning red and fire burning in his eyes.

Robin had to admit both had valid points. The queen would surely hang them all instead of showing them mercy. But that didn't mean they should abandon the honor code he had crafted. They were not evil.

"Robin?" Marian asked, resting her hand on his arm. "What are you thinking?"

He sighed, looking at the Queen yet again. He had only ever caught glimpses of her, usually emerging from her imposing black carriage. She always wore elaborate outfits, preferring black and if she had any color, they were dark ones as well, and had her long black hair done in complex styles. Everything about her was meant to intimidate her subjects and intimidate them she did.

Now, though, she looked very different.

The Queen was smaller than he realized. When he laid in his bed, his feet came to the very edge of it but there was still a good foot or so between her feet and the edge. Robin's experience with other nobles or royals was that their figures tended to be fuller and softer than those who were considered peasants. The Queen, though, was relatively fit and did not appear to gorge herself on the rich, fatty foods often horded by those of her station. He thought of the horse he had found by her side, now eating and resting with the ones the Merry Men owned, and wondered if she was a dedicated equestrienne.

In the quick glimpses of the Queen's foreboding figure, Robin's mind supplied many words to describe her but beautiful had never been one. He didn't think she was ugly by any means but it was hard to gage something like that when one was only watching her for brief moments from the tops of trees. Standing so close to her now, though, Robin was able to admit that she was a very beautiful woman. Free from its elaborate updo, her dark hair fell in soft curls around her head and shoulders, pooling on the pillow placed under her head. It made how pale her skin was due to the fever stand out even more, making her appear even smaller under the blankets. She wasn't some imposing ruler ready to rain destruction down on them, she was just a person who was dangerously ill and injured.

And in that moment, his choice was clear.

"She will stay," he said, "and receive all the medical attention we can give her."

"Robin!" John exclaimed, his cheeks now turning red.

Tuck frowned, glancing at the Queen. "Let's take this conversation outside, shall we?"

"Good. I think all the men should hear this," John said, glaring at Robin before he stormed out of the tent. Tuck followed him with a weary sigh.

Marian took Robin's arm and they left the tent together as John announced the news to the rest of the Merry Men. They glared at Robin as he stepped closer to them. Will crossed his arms as he asked: "The Queen, mate? Really?"

"Yes, really," Robin replied, glaring at John in return. "And if you let me explain…"

"There's nothing to explain, Robin," another man yelled. "She's the queen and deserves to be shown the same amount of mercy she would show us - none!"

Robin held up his hand. "LET ME SPEAK!"

Everyone went silent immediately, stunned as he never raised his voice before. Robin looked around at each member of his Merry Men. "I know she is the last person we would ever want to help. When you joined my band, this band, you agreed to a certain code - and that includes helping those who need it. Not those who could then help us in return or those we deem worthy. Just those who need it. And right now, she needs our help and so we will give it to her."

"Why don't we just let her die?" Much called out. "That would help so many people who actually need it more."

"No," Robin said, glaring at Much. "If anyone believes that it would be the right thing to let her die, you can leave. That isn't anyone I want to be part of the Merry Men."

Silence descended upon his men and he looked around, waiting to see if anyone moved. When no one did, he nodded. "Then she stays. And if anyone tries to hurt her in any way, they will have to answer to me," he told them.

They all bowed their heads and he was certain he had gotten through to them. He nodded. "This discussion is over. Everyone, get some rest."

Robin turned and entered his tent again. He sensed someone behind him and he sighed. "Yes?"

"You know I support you but are you certain about this?" Marian asked, sounding concerned. He turned around, facing his fiancée. She studied him, as if he were a puzzle she was trying to figure out. "She is the Evil Queen, Robin."

"I know. But look at her. She's hardly a threat right now," he replied, motioning to the prone woman lying on the furs and pillows that served as his bed.

Marian nodded. "That's true. But what about when she wakes up? And what if her guards come looking for her?"

"They haven't found us yet," he reminded her, boasting somewhat. "As for when she wakes up, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

"I just hope this doesn't blow up in our faces," she told him, reaching out and taking his hand.

He laced their fingers together. "I know. But I think it's going to be okay in the end. I just need you to trust me, okay?"

She sighed, leaning closer to him. "I trust you, Robin."

"Good," he replied, kissing her. He then pulled back and sighed. "I should collect my things and spend my nights with John and Will until she's better. Unless there's another place I could stay…"

For now, they spent their nights in separate tents. But it was growing more and more difficult to part from her each night. All Robin wanted to do was lay down beside her and fall asleep with her in his arms. Then he would wake her with soft kisses in the morning. And in their own little world, only they would matter and they could talk about anything or nothing at all. Just as long as it was the two of them, he would be happy.

She shook her head. "I would love to have you stay in my tent but we promised my father. And I won't lie to him."

"Nor would I ask you to," he replied, disappointed but still wanting to respect her wishes. "Our word is our bond."

"Thank you, Robin," she said, kissing his cheek. "It won't be for much longer."

He nodded, knowing they had set their wedding for Yule. They would be able to return to Marian's village and spend some time there with her family. Everything would be perfect for their wedding, he was certain of it.

"Do you want me to stay with you while you gather your things?" she asked, glancing over at the queen.

Robin looked at her as well. The queen slept on, tossing fitfully in his bed. "I don't think she's much of a threat right now. So you go, get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded, giving him another quick kiss. "Good night, Robin. Sweet dreams."

"You too," he said, watching her leave his tent. Once she was gone, he sighed and he began to gather up the things he would need to bring with him.

Robin quickly packed a bag as Tuck entered the tent again. "How is she doing?" he asked.

"She's fitful but still out," Robin replied. "Is there anything you can do so she can get a more restful sleep?"

Tuck pressed a hand to the queen's forehead before nodding. "Bringing down her fever should help. I'll do that."

"Good," Robin said, slinging his sack over his shoulder. "I'll be with John and Will. Let me know if you need anything."

"Will do. Have a good night, Robin," Tuck said, setting up his stool beside the bed to keep watch over the queen.

Robin started to walk toward the entrance to his tent. He paused, looking back at the queen. She shivered now despite the layers of furs on her and a pang hit Robin's heart, despite everything she had done. He wondered if everything about her was just a facade and about who really lay beneath the exquisite dresses, bold makeup and elaborate hairstyles.

Maybe they would find she wasn't evil after all.

Or maybe she was. After all, his men were right - she had caused devastation across the country. The people lived in fear of her and what she could do if she thought they were the ones hiding Snow White from her. He had helped rebuild far too many villages and provide aid to numerous glassy-eyed victims still trying to process the terror she inflicted on them. Everything pointed to her just being evil.

Yet he still couldn't bring himself to believe that anyone could just be pure evil. His gut told him there was more to the Queen, just like there was more to him and his men. And maybe he would get a chance to figure her out once she woke.

If she didn't kill them all, that was.

He sighed as he approached John and Will's tent. Worrying about the queen wasn't going to do him good now. Robin just had to wait until she woke up and then he would figure out what to do next. For now, he was going to get some rest and find their next mark.

Even with the Queen out of commission, there were always people who needed help and he would always do his best to give it to them.

Continue reading on FFN, AO3 or Wattpad

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts & Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Odd Eye”

oh mY F UCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

OH MY F UCKING GOD THE SONG WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS??????????? DEAD ASS?????????????? THAT BEGINNING SOUND ALONE TRIGGERED MY FIGHT OR FLIGHT AND THEN IT JUST CALMS DOWN YET MY BRAIN IS ALREADY F UCKING LOSING IT- ITS THE GUITAR ALL THROUGHOUT AND HOW I JUST HEADBANG WITH EVERY HIT OF THAT DRUM OR WHATEVER THE F UCK FOR ME- pls calm down okay i just……………………… leez…… ollounder…………… i oWE YOU MY LIFE- the way the prechorus is so FAST???????? like whaT IN THE ACTUAL F UCK the way it hypes me up with that instrumental the DRUMS GOT ME BOUNCIN AND S HIT AND GET SMACKED IN THE FACE ODD EYE I SWEAR TO GOD I FELT A NEW EMOTION AFTER THA- AFTER THIS WHOLE SONG TO BE HONEST-

THE?????????????? LINE DISTRIBUTION?????????????? IS SO SE*Y?????????????? THE IMMENSE POWER IN SIYEONS AND YOOHYEONS VOICES I CANT- ACTUAL SUA RAPPER CRUMBS idc what yall say minuscule sua rapper crumbs THE AMOUNT OF HANDONG AND DAMI LINES IS F UCKING DELICIOUS 😩😩😩 HANDONG VERSE CHORUS AND BRIDGE?????????????? DAMI BRIDGE??????????????? ‘LIVE IT UP’?????????????? BICTH IM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

forgot to do this for boca so imma do it here kinda

YES YOOHYEON START THE SONG

THE AMOUNT OF HANDONG?????????????????? I CANT BREATHE??????????????????????

and ofc her ooOOOooOOO-

sua rapper crumbs idc idc-

YOOHYEON AND SIYEON BEING QUEENS OF CHORUSES AGAIN ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE GO👏OFF👏

jiu ‘no more utopia’ AND sua ‘no more utopia’ pls took me three (3) tries to type ‘utopia’

LIVE IT UP YOURE SO RIGHT QUEEN YOU BETTER RAP YOUR HEART OUT

JIU AND HANDONG CHORUS

THE F UCKING BRIDGE CHANGED MY LIFE

okay for the dance i will be using the mcountdown fancam BC I DO WANT THE F UCK I WANT 👁👁 I JUST WANNA SAY i lit rally CANNOT believe how stable they are dancing LIKE THAT™ thE POWER THEY HOLD ANYWAY as always the dance always S L A P and is literally impossible to dance to without feeling like youre absolutely f ucking d*ing and out of breath……………… LOVE THAT

THE BEGINNING EYE FORMATION ARE YOU KIDDING ME-

im delusional but lowkey deja vu clown me idc idc-

THE SUA RUNNING OUT OF THERE THE JIU THE COMPLICATED HAND STUFF

JUST👏THE👏CHOREO👏FOR👏THE👏CHORUS👏BICTH

siyeon doing this

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

putting a bullet point for just that one (1) second of dami doing That™

handong right after…………………………………

gahyeons part with the other members doing different moves my eyes liked it

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE I DONT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE

like jiu and dami with handong ive literally watched that for five hours-

i just like the way they lined up and needed it to be linked here

THE SPIN THAT K*LLED US ALL

THE KICK THAT SENT US SIX FEET UNDER

S C R E A M……………………………………………………… Iconic™

DO YOU SEE THE BUDGET IN THE VISUALS JESUS CHRIST- the f ucking set up all of the effects!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of the lights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of thE GLOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the black and white set and theyre wearing red…………………… the red and white set and theyre wearing black…………………… that purple and green place…………………… the tree and random nature but everything is so futuristic looking…………………… dunno why yoohyeon is in a graffiti covered restroom but im LIVING for it- SIYEON SURROUNDED BY THOSE TVS DAMI IN THAT TRAIN THAT MULTICOLORED PLACE WHEREVER SUA IS EXCUSE ME- I COULD LITERALLY NAME EVERY SCENE IN THIS DAMN MUSIC VIDEO AND THEY👏ALL👏SLAP👏HARD👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

TIME TO SHOW WHICH SCENES I LIKED

THE WHOLE F UCKING THI-

jk ill name some😊😊😊again id name everything but ill just show one i liked more than others bc this is alreADY TOO DAMN LONG-

this is self restraint btw

I FEEL THREATENED-

helL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IF I CRIED????????????????????????

this is here for no reason other than bc i wanted it here-

OOP-

OOP- x2

………………………………… F-

WHY OFC I HAVE TO PUT THIS HERE

ABSOLUTELY…………………………… ABSOLUTELY

OH F CUK-

it was this or the close up shot either way it k*lled me

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

😦

OH NO-

OOP- x3

😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

honestly let me just mention i really clowned and set myself up for heartbreak bc the album is only called ‘road to utopia’ but i assumed theyll find utopia bc thats how trilogies work but then this slaps me in the face- what im saying is im ����

T H E M

oK A Y SO THIS POST IS LONG ENOUGH ALREADY LIKE GODDAMNIT COULD I JUST SHUT UP FOR TEN (10) MINUTES PLS- SO HERE ILL JUST SAY ONE (1) WORD………………………………………………

W O M E N™

plus this truly is long enough good god-

JIU

OH BICTH SHE GRABBED ME BY MY NECK RIGHT AT THE START WHEN SHE JUST POPPED UP- lemme just talk about this screenshot for a second the STREAKS IN HER HAIR and THE PIERCING???????? THE JACKET???????GOOD GOD????????? L I S T E N her outfits during the dance scenes the R E D especially jeSUS- its that red one for me im pretty sure some of yall saw me go F E R A L™ on the dashboard about it so i WILL NOT go into it again- and theN THAT DRESS A F CUKING QUEEN LOVE TO SEE IT

SUA

ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO BRING UP THE VERY START WITH THAT SLOW MO- RED👏IS👏HER👏COLOR 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏  the dark hime cut………………… the choker on both the red and the black is it the same one doesnt matter im d*ad……………… yo her wavy hair and that dress when it looked like she was in some hair shampoo commercial bicth i liVED FOR THAT- and theN T H I S YES THIS THAT IN THE SCREENSHOT the leather and the jacket the writing on her face i waNT HER TO BEAT ME WITH THAT LIGHT-

SIYEON

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM LITEREALLY CRYINNG

I SWEAR TO GOD I SCREAMED EVERY TIME SHE WAS ON THE SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls breathe yes i see that orange coat with the collar and her two different colored eyes and how she is sitting in that chair i see her looking so fine in that red outfit especially near the end of the mv oh mY GOD- those pants yall bringing that style back from boca literally let me bREATHE FOR LIKE TWO (2) SECONDS

HANDONG

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LISTENLISTENLISTENLISTEN my eyes legit started tearing up when i saw her so soon in the mv yall DO NOT understand the emotions im going through to rewatch this mv again and again anD- iiiIIIIiiII CANNOT FULLY EXPRESS MYSELF BUT I JUST WANNA DIRECTLY MENTION THOSE CRYSTALS AND HER HIGH PONYTAIL SHE MADE F UCKING SURE TO SHOW OFF HOW POWERFUL SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOOHYEON

YOOHYEON WITH BUNS??????????????????? THAT LIPSTICK COLOR RIGHT AT THE START???????? THAT OUTFIT WITH THE RED PLAID SKIRT????????? like when you REALLY look at the outfit the polkadot jacket and the tie makes not a lot of sense but she made it woRK!!!!!!!!! okayokayokay her lip ring and dance outfits lets talk about it to be honest its something about that chain that hangs on her torso that makes it really hit………………… but like the entire outfits HIT™ she ripped her pants didnt she

DAMI

I CANT STAND THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me why for literally one (1) second of that ‘live it up’ it snapped my neck???????? it was HARDLY A FLASH OF LIGHT YET IT WAS ENOUGH TO HURT ME- i prefer her short hair but listen the longer hair is making so many points rn- i think i said that for boca too… SHES LITERALLY SITTING YALL AND YET HERE I AM- the jacket the necklace the gloves and then that dramatic spin and the leaves OH MY GOD- DID YALL👏SEE THE WAY👏SHE KEPT👏FEELING👏HER NECK👏👏👏👏👏👏👏!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAHYEON

GAHYEON THE WOMAN YOU ARE- i wanna start with the black hair and thee stickers look bc i wanna buT WE LOVE NOIR BY SUNMI but like i love that look like overall????????????? she literally wears the same outfit for that and this screenshot but the vibe is so different i LOVE this purple color she got going rn and that black hair IS A STATEMENT imma be more open here about it but lowkey i am genuinely missing her dark hair rn- anyway THAT DESIGN AROUND HER EYE WITH THAT RED OUTFIT BRUH DO I D*E-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (short thoughts and parts i liked)

Intro

IVE NEVER BEEN SO FERAL IN MY LIFE

Wind Blows

this instrumental……………………… holy god????????????? its chill for like a second in the beginning and then it just YEETS you in- imma be real i wasnt sure about that ‘wind blows’ part i dunno why i ……… into it at first but yknow whaT THATS ONE OF THE BEST PARTS DAMIS RAP I SWEAR- but then the prechorus parts are so chill??????????? is it bc its handong its probably bc its handong ‘always be with you like gravity’ siyeon pls- it gives me the same energy as tension and break the wall where i feel like i jusT GAIN ALL THE STRENGTH AND CONQUER THE WORLD yes i saw the dance multiple times it k*lled me every single time

Poison Love

literally what the f uck- when i heard it in the highlight medley i knew i was gonna LOVE this like i cant stand how much i love their sexy bops like dami got me immediately ‘why do you?’ YOURE RIGHT DAMI WHY DO I- you could NEVER go wrong with lower register dreamcatcher NOTHING👏CAN👏GO👏WRONG👏 DAMI AND GAHYEON THEIR RAPS JESUS CHRIST i put my hand on my heart i was so taken aback- maybe i went back to replay it a few times when i was listening to it and then handong……………………………………………………… UH ANYWAY-

4 Memory

JIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LOVE THE HAPPY AND BOUNCY AND FUN BOP OF THE ALBUM- like ive said this to a few moots that this song just makes me happy and lifts up my mood its the little instrumental parts in the chorus for me i dunno what it is its just pleasant to my ears and then damis rap is so fun like :cccccc cute- like this is a song about the seasons and wanting to be with someone (well jiu help write this is this about like insomnias or am i a stupid clown-) like i REALLY WISH i could express how much i enjoy this song but i would just be repeating myself that its a feel good happy song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New days

DAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE i dunno how to describe the energy this song holds except ‘friendship energy’- its literally the guitar all throughout the song for me LIKE i feel like im just wrapped in a nice hug BUT NOT JUST ANY KIND OF HUG its the kind that the other person opened their jacket and theyre holding me and their jacket is around me listening to this song yall i kinda wanna cry i dunno- everyone sounds so lovely especially jiu pls her voice is so soft and DAMI OFC HER RAP GETS A HELL YEAH™ FROM ME like the ‘find you’ AND THEN AT THE END ‘FOUND YOU’ IM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 (if yall cant see its the pleading puppy eyed emoji)

LIKE WHAT A WAY TO START THE F UCKING YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so in awe of everything about this as SOON AS SOON I SAY i saw the very first photo teaser and i COULDNT STOP LISTENING TO THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY AND THE TEASER WITH THE SUITS AND THE DRINKS IS STILL LIVING IN MY HEAD- alright alright ill calm down for this part but its one of my FAVORITE ALBUMS FOR👏SURE👏 like i really cant think of any criticisms regarding anything about it!!!!!!!!!!!! since im posting this after promotions are over (odd eye promotions anyway) i will just say im EXTREMELY proud of what we have accomplished as fans and what the girls have achieved during this era!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was hella wild all around and i am once again saying that im very happy to be an insomnia <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

and ONCE AGAIN JUST ONE (1) MORE TIME RIGHT BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 

IN CONCLUSION: THIS ALBUM TAKES ME TO AN ENTIRELY NEW WORLD AND IM GONNA LIVE IT UP

AND AS ALWAYS:

[myuntoldstory]

saeran after end after thought

it took me a ducking month and some change because i had to farm hourglasses. when i started playing i kept getting the bad ends and i got so frustrated i didn’t touch the app for two weeks. i had to consult a guide to finally reach the end.

i wanted to play this because i needed to see where jihyun ended up and... well... we all know what happened there. anyway...

i have many thoughts and feelings about this ae. i don’t know if i can ever properly organise them, but i’ll put it in bullet points for now. this is my personal feelings, not any kind of fact. i have nothing against nearly anything and anyone (character or real) involved in this game. i’ll always love and appreciate them for being in this game, for creating this game, for giving us something to love for the past four or five years.

these thoughts are rather unfiltered. this is me coming out hours after finishing the ae. i might change my mind after letting it marinate for a while and after reading up some more about it.

it’s all under the cut. it’s long and rambling. there’s no need to read this, really; the ae is a month old after all, but i just needed to get this out. also, it’s salty as hell. literally saltier than the dead sea. it will dehydrate you... best to not bother with this.

also spoilers.

1. during the first playthrough the game mechanics were wonderful, novel, and immersive. but years later and for the sake of an ae? unnecessary. it’s too long. it’s too much work. i did my due when i played the game during ray’s route. why do i also have to work for something that should have been my reward? why do i still have to worry about hearts, choices, and game branches? why do i have to go through multiple endings? it’s an after end. it’s after the ending.

of course i love new content, i love more content, but not like this. and i know i sound super entitled. if i was impatient i should have justt read the wiki, but i wanted the experience, but not this specific experience. lucky it’s the pandemic and i have more time on my hands, but in normal circumstances my life is very different from what it was in 2016. i can’t be waiting for chats and making plans around it to get to the after ending. honestly i expected something like the secret ends or even similar to the style of jihyun’s ae... but no. apparently, chertiz thinks it’s fun to make us spend three and a half days to reach an AFTER END.

2. saeran choi needs love... but, in my opinion, not ours. not mc’s. the love he needs is his brother’s. the person he needs most is saeyoung choi. he’s suffered so much, endured many things no person should ever endure. of course he deserves romantic love, but i feel like he needed to recover first. that’s why after all this im firmly in the very bare, maybe even empty camp of preferring secret end saeran choi over ray route saeran choi.

3. never in my life has a game made me exhausted about the act of forgiveness. i feel a little sick. it’s terrible to say that, i know, but i am just so emotionally exhausted. there is this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry because i feel like i somehow destroyed a part of myself?

first it’s the saviour in jihyun’s ae. it’s still her in this ae. but in addition to that there’s also the prime minister? when does it stop? at this point we might as well forgive the twins’ mother too. she imprisoned her own sons to benefit from their father; beat the shit out of and starved saeran to the point that he wanted to die, but there must be a reason behind it, right? like all the villains in this game her choices are not her own; they are the product of their circumstances and we have to understand that.

i just... i understand what cheritz is trying to convey here. and granted saeyoung is not as forgiving, but this isn’t his story. it felt like the forgiveness was nearing some extreme by the end of it. i don’t think there’s anything wrong if you’e unable to forgive. if the only way for you to move forward is to not do so i feel that’s valid. as long as you’re not hurting anyone and that you’re not hurting yourself, you do whatever you need to recover. forgiving is not the only way, the noble way. not everyone’s backstory you have to understand and take into consideration in order to move on. even if they realise what they did was wrong, it’s okay not to forgive. sometimes that’s what we need to take care of ourselves.

im rambling on this point, but im going through this currently. it’s not as extreme as the choi twins or the rfa, but all my life i’ve been forgiving and understanding and it chipped away at me. even at my expense i forgave everything and it landed me in a place im struggling to get out of. i needed justice and this ae didn’t give me a bit of that... at least not in the way i needed.

4. cheritz said this is the grand finale, but... it didn’t feel like it? again this is me being entitled, but i expected something more. something bigger. something poignant because after this mystic messenger is over. i expected some kind of epilogues in the form of story modes. of course i appreciate everything the company has done, especially the efforts of the writers, artists, voice actors, and everyone, but... it’s so rushed? it such a short farewell that instead of getting catharsis and satisfaction i felt... drained. and i feel sad that it’s all over because im not ready to say goodbye and that goodbye is far too short for me.

i don’t know im just sad it’s all over.

also, the conclusion they come to is the dissolution of the rfa once everyone found their happy ending. i... this is a group that has been through some shit and that doesn’t make them closer somehow? the rfa app lies neglected and abandoned as everyone moves on with their lives? that is so... lonely? at least for me.

i mean, of course, not all endings have to be necessarily happy in the “everyone gets together once a week for dinners” kind, but i just... i dont know i expected them to be closer somehow. maybe they are. maybe outside the app they’re all closer, but... i don’t know. i feel sad they’re abandoning the app.

5. and then there’s kim jihyun.

and im... i dont know anymore. if you know me, follow me, or have read any of my fics you know im a jihyun fan. i love that man and YES i know his sins. we all do.

as i played the ae i started to hope that he’d die in the end instead of suffering through this egregious character assassination. yes, i literally preferred that he died and that i go through that pain instead of suffering whatever this is. obviously i dont want him to die, but this is like killing him anyway. they killed the essence of him, who he is as a person. hell, they probably killed him already and just installed a stranger in the ae because that v is not our v. all throughout the game he’s been kind and compassionate and selfless. his whole thing is about protecting the rfa, the mc, saving the saviour, and sacrificing himself for them. this is the idiot who gives you his hearts when you’re being actively nice to his abuser and saeran in his route. his ultimate happy ending involves everyone being happy, reunited, and given the proper mental care. he went away for two years, putting a much needed pause in your budding relationship, not only to recover from his trauma, but also to rescue saeran and help him recover too.

yes, v enabled the saviour even before another story. he lied. he put everyone in danger. he’s reckless and he keeps secrets way more than what’s natural. but he will never let any of them come to harm. my memory is fuzzy but im sure he never lets the rfa get in danger. he was devastated when yoosung got injured. he also tried to rescue seven and mc in the secret ends thats why he got shot. this guy always looks out for everyone. 

in what world is he okay with drugging the twins? making deals with the villains? the idea of trapping the twins in the saviour’s delusional, twisted family life? he’s not the type to be okay just standing there when his best friend’s life is falling apart or for even causing it. when zen, jaehee, and yoosung get backed into the corner he wouldn’t have been just idle. but in this ae all he does is play stacking chairs, buy strawberry yoghurt, and echo the saviour’s words like a puppet. he asks only mc to save herself and like... jesus christ he never gets a break. he doesn’t even get the same gesture of forgiveness everyone and their father gets. he goes through a trial and jail, which is fair enough, but he’s also a victim of abuse and suffering and despair and mental illness. but somehow because it’s v it’s okay that this is all he gets. somehow he doesn’t deserve any compassionate resolution.

literally the only time he’s happy is his route and after end and even then that happiness is not his own. even then there were concessions to be made before he could get it.

seriously. it seems like cheritz hates him. they think little to nothing of him. if that’s the case why even make content for him? he’s not even meant to be romanceable in the original stories. they could’ve just ignored the petitions and left him as a side character. i mean, i dont know if i prefer that honestly, i do appreciate the content we got, but as his fan it hurts to see all this half-hearted decisions. and to see all this hate still pouring out for him, now magnified because of this ae.

this is like a tiring odyssey, starting way back when he got shot and killed all because he loved someone. he loved the wrong person and it’s the wrong kind of love and he committed his crimes because of it. he had a hand in making the rfa and mc suffer, but still all he did was love. and i know that sounds blind and naive and ignorant and im sorry for not picking up the nuances of his relationship with the saviour, but that’s all i saw. i saw a guy loving the wrong person and it made him make all the wrong choices leading to a bad life.

gah. i am drained people. i am drained, and frustrated, and tired.

[everlarkbirthdaygifts]

Happy Birthday, blackgem01!

Today, we wish @blackgem01 a very Happy Birthday! We hope you’ve got a wonderful day planned, and you get exactly the presents you wished for! To kick your party off in style, the lovely @mega-aulover has written a story just for you!

PROMPT:  Katniss and Peeta had a baby at a young age. Katniss decided to go off to college while Peeta stayed behind to take care of the baby and now she is coming back. (if you want to make it angsty can there be a happy ending

For: Blackgem01

A/N: Happy Birthday I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you to @norbertsmom for betaing

Rated: T

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You sure she's coming back?” Rye asked.

Peeta changed his 18 month old daughter, Melody. She laughed when he tickled her, and her bright blue eyes stared up at him with glee. 

Peeta proudly winked at his baby. She’d learned to walk early. She was a good climber, too. Something he learned early on when he found her in front of the upstairs apartment.  She wasn’t talking yet, but he knew she was like her mother.

“Come on Peeta,” Rye said sitting on the bed next to Mel. 

Mel extended her leg so that Peeta could put her pants on. She smiled at him and when he leaned down, she patted his face with her little hand. 

“Rye,” Peeta warned. He didn’t want to discuss Katniss in front of the baby. 

“You’re delusional.”

“Katniss wouldn’t forget us.”  Peeta kept his voice light. His daughter was perceptive and she cried when people sounded upset or mad. 

“She was sure in a hurry to leave.” 

Peeta stopped to look at his brother in disbelief, wishing Rye would drop the matter altogether. 

“You can’t go to the train tomorrow station expecting you guys to be alright,” Rye insisted. “She’s been gone for a year doing who knows what in the Capitol.” 

“All done Mel, why don’t you go see grandpa.” Peeta put their daughter on the floor. He turned to his brother. “Rye stay out of it, this is my life with Katniss.”

“She left you and Mel to go to the Capitol and study, you guys barely talk on the phone...I think she sucks for leaving you behind with Mel.”

All these months he’d been silent about the arrangement he and Katniss made. His family and even hers wanted him to move on, find someone else. Mrs. Everdeen was upset Katniss left him with the baby. Primrose didn’t understand why she left and was angry at her. Katniss wrote to Prim and June, their mother but often the letters left untouched. 

Peeta knew the truth and that’s what really mattered. 

The opportunity for her to study something was too good for them to let go. People in district twelve didn’t get scholarships, they got a one way ticket to work in the mines or if they were lucky to work in their family business. “Rye, I told her to go.”

“I don’t believe it. I think she manipulated you.”

“Have you met Katniss,” Peeta said. 

“Well okay maybe she didn’t; she’s not exactly the most talkative person.  But why would you let her go? You’ve been in love with her since you were both five.”

Peeta heard Mel’s laughter. “How many times has district twelve won the reaping? For that matter who was the last person who won the reaping?”

Rye glanced away, knowing Peeta was right.  

The annual reaping was a scholarship that was founded when the districts won the war nearly 77 years ago.  Every year, one student was chosen from the graduating class of all the districts to study for a year in the Capitol. Katniss was chosen, but she was conflicted because they had a six month old baby. 

Peeta may have been in love with Katniss since he was five, but he didn’t get up the nerve to talk to her until they were sixteen. . Their friendship grew deeper, despite the things her former best friend Gale Hawthorne said about them, and by the time they were seniors they were in a serious relationship. They were both shocked when Katniss got pregnant. Peeta encouraged her to continue studying, bringing her assignments and tests when she was too sick to go to school. 

It wasn’t easy.  His mother wanted him to deny the child Katniss carried, while his father quietly told him he wasn’t ready for fatherhood. His father wasn’t entirely wrong; Peeta wasn’t ready to be a dad. It was a hard nine months for both of them.  It wasn’t until Mel was born did his mother come around and his parents supported them both. 

When Katniss won the reaping everyone expected her to decline it, because of the baby.  Peeta didn’t want her to lose her shot at something big. Every person who won had opportunities afforded to them. It’s why his brother was taking forever to answer.  

After a few moments Rye eventually said, “Mayor Abernathy.”

“And before that it was a wild girl named Lucy who ended up being a great entertainer in the Capitol.  I told Katniss to go, I told her to do it for our daughter.” Peeta sat on his bed, and sighed. “She didn't want to leave, but I told her she needed to because I didn’t want her to have regrets.”

“That’s all great and said, but you forget about one tiny detail, your daughter. Katniss has missed a lot of the big markers in Mel’s life.  And if by some miracle you guys have this magical reconnection and are able to pick up where you left off, just remember Mel will see Katniss as a virtual stranger.” 

Peeta watched Rye stand up and leave. His brother’s words stayed with him for the rest of the day. He hadn’t really given a thought about what it would be like to have Katniss home again. He loved her, but Rye was right. Katniss didn’t really know her daughter.  It was part of the sacrifice she made by leaving.

Katniss couldn’t come home; it was in the stipulations of the scholarship. She had to live at school and maintain a certain grade point average. She didn’t have much money and was dependent on the grant.  Calling the bakery was expensive, something she only did on major celebrations like Mel’s birthday. She did write, Katniss wrote two and three letters a week. 

Peeta wrote back filling her in on as much as he could. He even drew pictures of Mel. But still Katniss didn’t know the face Mel made when she was sleepy. Or the way she cried when she passed by a cat, thinking it was Buttercup. This next phase of their life was going to be hard. Peeta worried about Mel’s reaction to Katniss. Mel was only six months old the last time she’d been with Katniss. 

Mel hadn’t taken the loss of mommy well. She’d cried for Katniss and Peeta had seen the same tears mirrored on Katniss’ face when she left. Peeta hoped for the best but he was preparing for the worst.  

The next morning he stood with both of their families at the train station. 

Rye was making funny faces at Mel and her peal of laughter broke the tension. His mother held Mel. She’d purchased a new outfit for Mel today, a pretty dove gray dress with pink polka dots with matching grey shoes and pink pom pom hair fasteners.  His mother was smitten with her dark haired grandchild.  Mel covered her ears as the train horn sounded. She turned to him holding out her little arms toward him.  Peeta picked her up and Mel put her face in the crook of his neck. 

The train pulled in and Peeta braced himself. 

...

“You did good by her,” June Everdeen said. 

Peeta glanced at Katniss' mother, and smiled. “Thank you.”

“I hope the sacrifice was worth it,” June said as the passengers began to disembark. 

Peeta recalled Rye’s words. He held his little girl closer. He hoped he did a good enough job of talking about mommy and showing Mel images of Katniss. 

“There she is,” Prim squeaked.

Peeta didn’t see her. Katniss wasn’t tall and was easily lost in the crowd. He followed Prim who was tall and thin.

Peeta saw her, she wasn’t wearing fancy Capitol clothing, she was, however, wearing a lovely dark orange dress with small white flowers. Katniss never used to wear dresses. Her hair was in it’s customary braid. She looked unsure as if searching the crowd. When she spotted Prim her face broke out in the most beautiful smile. Peeta always thought Katniss looked stunning when she smiled. 

“Prim,” she called out running to her sister. 

“Katniss,” Prim cried as they hugged one another. 

Peeta watched both sisters talk. His heart beat quickly.  Mel whimpered. Immediately Peeta’s attention went to Mel. 

“What's wrong button,” he cooed quietly, shifting her so that he could look into her face. “Are you tired?’

Mel stuck her thumb in her mouth. 

“Okay, we’re just getting mommy, okay.” 

“She’s beautiful,” Katniss said in awe.

Peeta looked up to see Katniss staring at him, her eyes filled with tears. She reached her arms toward Mel.

Mel swatted her arms away, and screamed, “NO!”

It was Mel’s first word. Katniss looked crestfallen. Peeta sighed. This wasn’t going to go easy at all. 

Peeta looked at himself in the mirror. Today had turned into a disaster. All day long Mel scowled at Katniss. Whenever Katniss came close to Peeta, Mel pointed her finger at Katniss, garbled words Peeta had never heard his daughter say, followed by, no.  Mel refused to leave his side and Katniss looked crestfallen, then Rye made a comment that started a fight.  He closed his eyes. Everyone ganged up on Katniss about her decision to leave. 

Her mother said leaving Mel was inexcusable. Katniss fired back telling her letting her children nearly starve to death was just as bad. When Katniss' father died of an accident at work, June went into a downward spin where she became nearly catatonic. The responsibility of the house, her sister and her mother fell on Katniss shoulders. Peeta recalled hearing the adults talk about how brave Katniss was to care for her ill mother.  Now her mother turned on Katniss. 

Peeta tried to defend Katniss but his voice was silenced. Mel began crying and Katniss left the house to cool down. Their baby was finally sleeping and everyone was gone. 

“Hey,” Katniss said quietly.

He looked up from the mirror to see her reflection.  “Hi.”

Her eyes were red rimmed, her face was flushed. 

Peeta turned around. He opened his arms, and she flew into them. 

“I hoped,” Katniss cried.

He held her, letting her cry. Katniss wasn’t one for emotional outbursts. When she calmed down she said, “Mel doesn’t love me, my own sister said I shouldn’t have left, your parents…” She took a deep breath and said. “We talked about this, but I didn’t think it was going to be so hard….”

“I don’t know what to do to help you. They wouldn’t even listen to me.” 

“I had great news for everyone. A job was created for me, given my talents with herbs, fauna, and trees, as District Twelve’s forest conservationist. One of my professors, Dr. Wiress arranged for Prim to study in District Three’s Medical and Technology program. I worked in the cafeteria in school and I gave them one of the breads you sent with me. My boss wanted to talk to your dad.”  

“You’re always looking out for us.”

“You have done such a great job with Mel. She’s so beautiful and she hates me.” Katniss stepped away, she placed her hands on his shoulders. Her hands drifting down over his chest. 

Peeta shuddered at her touch. One year of waiting and longing.  “No she doesn't hate you. She doesn’t know you and to Mel you’re trying to take away her daddy. It’s going to take time to convince everyone. Now let’s get to bed and see if we can make this family of ours work.”

Katniss sighed.

They slept rather awkwardly that first night as they had to get used to sleeping together again. In the morning Mel wanted nothing to do with Katniss. 

Two weeks passed by and slowly people’s attitude about Katniss changed. His father was over the moon with the contact she gave him. He’d struck a contract with Paylor Katniss’ supervisor to supply bread to the university. Primrose was delighted at the opportunity to study in District Three.

Only their daughter and his brother were the last holdouts. 

Mel kept up saying no to Katniss and exhibited her jealousy regularly. Anytime Katniss came close to Peeta she would cry no and stomp her little foot and push Katniss away. Their daughter didn’t want to share him. 

It was bedtime, Katniss wanted to get Mel ready by giving her a bath. 

“No, dada.”  Mel stood with a scowl on her face. It was like looking into a mirror. 

“You’re going to take a bath with mommy,” Katniss said kneeling  before their daughter. She held out the small rubber duck she brought from the Capitol for Mel.

“No,” Mel swatted at the rubber duck.

“Mel,” Peeta interjected. “Not Nice.” In a firm voice he repeated, “Not nice.” 

His daughter's eyes grew wide. Peeta seldom used that tone of voice with her. Her bottom lip trembled. 

“Go to the bathroom,” he ordered, but in a softer tone.

Mel stomped off to the bathroom.

Katniss gave him a pouty look of her own before following their daughter to the bathroom. Later on, Katniss was in the bedroom folding clothing rapidly. Peeta could sense the storm coming. 

He finished cleaning up the kitchen, wanting to give Katniss enough time with Mel. Her eyes narrowed right before she said, “I could have handled the situation.”

Peeta didn’t say anything. He only took the fitted sheet she was fidgeting with and folded it neatly.

“Ugh!” Katniss huffed, her eyes fiery. 

“I had it under control, you didn’t have to intervene.” 

Peeta sighed and bit his tongue. 

“She needs to learn that I am not going anywhere.” Katniss sat on the bed and looked around. “I shouldn’t have left, Peeta. I should stayed, here with her…” 

Peeta sat next to her. “No you did the right thing,” Peata said. He didn’t want for Katniss to feel bad for the decision to go study. “Prim’s going to spend her next last two years of school in District Three studying with Dr. Wiress, one of Panem’s foremost scientific minds. And my dad’s benefiting from it too. He’s going to be able to send his bread to the capitol for the holidays. And he’s going to have the opportunity to go to the Capitol with my mom to tour the school cafeteria, and my mom’s going to get a real honeymoon.” 

Katniss' face began to lose its worry. 

“And you’re going to be doing something you love, conservation of the woods. It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn't made that sacrifice.” 

“I…” Katniss began, but trailed off.

“Come here.” Peeta sat back against the headboard inviting her to sit next to him. Katniss didn’t sit, she snuggled up against his side. Her head rested up against his chest.  Peeta sighed from the contentment of the simple gesture. Peeta missed her, missed listening to the sound of her voice. 

“I sometimes don’t see the bigger picture.”

“You just don’t know the effect you have on people, Katniss.” He placed a soft kiss on her cheek. “My mom distrusted the people from the Seam, now some of her very best friends are from the Seam. She even helped Hazelle open up her own laundry business in town.” 

“It’s true,” Katniss conceded. 

“All we have to do is teach our daughter not to hit you or anyone.”

“I was shocked.” Katniss looked up. “She just swatted at Mr. Quack.” 

“Yeah, unfortunately she gets that from my mother. Did I ever tell you my mom came to blows with Dross, the milkman?”

“Whatever for?” She picked up his hand before kissing his ring finger. In District Twelve wedding rings were expensive, so couples used twine or around their ring finger when they had their Toasting. It was a tradition and even those with enough money for rings still used twine. 

“Yeah, she insisted he wasn’t filling our milk bottles to the top.”  Peeta cleared his throat as Katniss kissed his shoulder, then his chin, next his cheek. They hadn’t slept together since she’s been back. Peeta was letting Katniss make the first move. 

“It sounds like something your mom would do,” she stared deep into his eyes as she sat astride him.  She leaned forward to kiss him.

“You sure?” 

“Peeta it’s been twelve months, fourteen days, and who knows how many hours since I’ve last had you touch me….” 

Peeta was astonished she had kept count. However every thought went out of his mind and other more pressing matters took precedence.

Time had a way of marching by quickly.  Katniss patiently dealt with their daughters' tantrums, and at night she would lie in his arms wanting for Mel to accept her. He was in the bakery when he overheard  Rye snicker. “My brother is a doormat and he doesn’t realize what a little slut you are. What did you have to do to get us that contract?”

“I would never cheat on your brother.” 

“Didn’t you?” Rye sneered. “Kids know when people are fake or liars. You only have to look at Mel to know she sees right through you.”

Peeta walked through the door and saw Katniss scowl, but Peeta could see the slight trembling in her lips , and the way that her face drained of color that meant she was near tears. 

“That’s enough Rye,” Peeta said, standing up to his brother. The last time he’d seen Katniss shrink back was when her father died. 

 In school Peeta had seen how the once vibrant girl diminished not only in personality but in size. She and her sister were so skinny they wore extra clothing to keep warm.  

Peeta had taken it upon himself to give the girl he loved extra food at lunch time.  He would sit next to her and say he was full, offering her an apple, or half a sandwich. One time he had left her family a basket of bread. His mother was furious that he took it without permission, but it was worth it seeing Prim’s face of joy upon discovering the bread. Peeta swore Katniss saw him hiding in the dim morning light. 

Shortly after that she began hunting and going around trading the meat she caught. Meat was expensive in the district and Katniss’ fresh game was welcome. It was this trading that afforded Peeta the ability to walk up to her in highschool and offer the bond of friendship.  It’s how they got to this moment. 

“I’m going to go hunting,” Katniss whispered. 

Peeta let her go before rounding on his brother. “Don’t you ever say anything like that to her. She worked in the kitchens while in the Capitol. Her supervisor Paylor, tasted the bread she brought with her. She gave dad Paylor’s number.”

Rye angrily turned his face away. 

“No, you’re going to listen to me, Rye. Katniss and I wrote to one another at least three times a week. She worked and studied hard. You know how shy she is around people. For her to make acquaintances in the Capitol was hard for her. She spent most of her nights studying, and when she wasn’t studying she was working. She asked about our daughter in every letter. Does that sound like a girl who is out for herself? She came back with ways to help both of our families.”

“What about Mel?”

“Mel thinks Katniss is going to take her daddy away. Yesterday she told Katniss, dada mine.  Mel has to learn how to share.” Peeta ran his hands through his hair.

“Mel’s stubborn.”

“Just like her mother. She’s also jealous just like Katniss.”

“Mitsy,” Rye and Peeta blurted at the same time and both of them laughed remembering the girl Katniss threatened to shoot in the eye while she was pregnant. 

“Just yesterday Mitsy came in to purchase bread and Katniss gave her a look that would freeze the lake in the woods.”

“There’s a lake in the woods?” 

Peeta grinned at the memories of them frolicing in the lake. The skinny dipping episode made Mel, “Oh there’s a lake in the woods.”  

   “Huh,” Rye said.

“Just give Katniss a break. She’s trying real hard to fit in again.”

“Alright fine,” Rye said. 

Peeta rubbed his face as Rye walked away. He needed to get all of his ducks in a row, now if he could only wrangle his toddler. 

Two weeks later he dragged himself upstairs. His father and mother left for the Capitol for two weeks. Rye was also gone on a singles train tour around the districts. Peeta was left to run the bakery by himself. He was tired and cranky like Mel when she refused to take her nap.

Tonight he kept the bakery open an  hour extra for a particular bride and her groom. Josi Raisin made him jump through hoops tonight. She was getting married to Jensen the newest Mine Manager and she was picky about the flavor of her cake.  She tried their vanilla, their lemon, the apple spice, lavender, poppy seed, pecan, raspberry, carrot, vanilla almond, and their most expensive, the german chocolate cake, only to choose a plain sponge cake.

The peal of Mel’s laughter stopped him dead in his tracks. 

“Again mama,” Mel shouted excitedly. 

Peeta quickly went up the stairs, he found Mel sprawled on the floor with Katniss giving their daughter raspberry kisses on her tummy. Mel laughter’s filled his ears and Katniss' brilliant smile gave his stomach butterflies. 

“Look, it’s dada.”

“Dada,” Mel said running to him. She patted his tummy then said, “Mama, mama…” followed by a gurgle of words. 

Katniss walked up to him and smiled, hugging them both. “It seems that a little patience, a lullaby and belly raspberries is what it takes to win her over.” 

“Well, I can’t comment on the belly raspberries, but  your voice is what made me fall in love with you.” 

Katniss smiled as Mel rested her head on her shoulder.

Mel then said, “My mama.”

Katniss grinned then said, “Yes baby girl I’m your mama.”

Mel then turned to Peeta and said, “My papa.”

“Yes button I’m your papa.”

Mel then patted them both on the cheek and gave them kisses. 

Peeta’s heart burst, filled with happiness.  He  hugged his girls and sighed, this was the dream. 

The end

[yanderemommabean]

Yandere Illness Bakugou Katsuki (By Admin Mommabean)

The villain was definitely an easy take down. Small time crooks are always biting off more than they can chew in a fruitless effort to become the next big scare in the news and media. A few civilians were bruised up, but thankfully alive, all thanks to the new top ten heroes who were able to arrive on time. Katsuki was one of the first on the scene, getting up close and personal in his usual brash and on-sight attack methods, typically looked down upon by much more thorough and examining heroes after things were wrapped up. 

This time wasn’t unlike any other. The villain attacked, said some stupid things about how heroes are hypocrites, and was under Katsukis fist or boot once the soliloquy was about halfway done and grating on his nerves. Self righteous villains got on his nerves more than Izuku did when he was overly nerding out with people. 

The villain mumbled something incoherent when the cops arrived to lock them away, looking Katsuki dead in the eyes as they did so. He could only make out the last few words, and considered it drugged up nonsense. Something along the lines of “Your darkest desires will take over. I’m not the only one who’s sick”. 

Whatever that was supposed to mean, Katsuki couldn’t care less. He’s heard all types of death threats before, so this was nothing! A joke at this point really. “Mr. Bakugou, we need to inform you about this attack, it's urgent, but needs to be done in private” an investigator advised, taking his attention away from the car hauling the perpetrator away.  He nods in a silent agreement, about to ask when he should arrive, but was bombarded by media personnel and flashing phone cameras. 

He said his usual replies, knowing that things needed to be kept out of the spotlight for now until they figured out exactly what the villain was up too, and said about his usual amount of curse words along the entire short lived interviews.  

“Alright everyone, we have important issues to cover! Please leave your questions to the officers to the left of you, I need a moment with Mr. Ground Zero” A calm voice stated with hands held up to block his face from the paparazzi. Katsuki groans as the flock fleets over to the officers in a heartbeat, thankful that the man came to his rescue so to speak. 

“Their attention is off of me, so what’s wrong? This villain got some sort of mass murder planned like the old league?” he bit out with his arms crossed over his chest. Every other year, there’s a bad guy trying to redo what shigaraki couldn’t, and its getting pathetic that they keep trying. He recalls a villain last year who tried to be tough with a weak quirk, and it only ended in them being beaten up by Deku and him. Honestly, when will they learn? 

“That’s the issue. They weren’t a villain or a hero, just a civilian who was trying to get a coffee. The next thing we’re told, he’s proclaiming asinine things about love and his desire for some poor girl at the counter who he’s supposedly known for less than a year, attacking some people with his quirk when they tried to tell him to back off”. 

Well that's nuts. Was he upset that he got rejected? A love story gone wrong? 

“So he got his heart broken and retaliated in a bad way, doesn’t mean he has my sympathy, he still hurt people” He said blandly, as if he wasn’t affected. 

“We think its an illness. These cases have been popping up all over the country, as if its a disease that’s airborne. The symptoms are all the same” The man explained with a worried expression. “Well, we assumed it was airborne anyway...Now it seems to be more by droplets and touch. We’re concerned that this outbreak may have been passed to you, and we need to do some testing as soon as possible. I wish I had time to explain more, but we need to start disinfecting people as soon as possible”. 

What? This dude is telling him that he might be infected with a disease that makes him fall in love or some shit? That’s nuts! Absolutely batshit! “Im not letting some nerd tell me i'm sick if you can’t even tell me why this is so dangerous. I think I'll be just fine” he bites out, beginning to turn and head towards his house. 

“Mr please! It could be life and death! Just-” the medic stammers, trying not to anger the hot headed hero “Just...don’t come in contact with anyone for a while, and I’ll do what I can to explain everything. Please?” he asks with a pleading expression, hoping that the top hero would at least consider his options. 

With an annoyed huff, Katsuki nods, but doesn’t give anymore confirmation than that. He just wanted to continue his patrol and head home, he needed a nice shower after being covered in dirt and scratches. 

He walks in his home about half an hour later, scratching his head to shake loose some dirt as he flicks on the light. He huffed, tossing his mask aside to the couch while shutting the door with his foot. Soap and water sounded pleasant right about now, and he could feel his muscles aching for the attention of a steamy shower. 

“Your darkest desires will take over. I’m not the only one who’s sick” 

Those words echoed in his head as he stands under the spray of the water. What could they possibly mean? Were they aware that they were ill with whatever that nerd was telling him about? Were they even the same person anymore? 

He shakes his head and tries to focus on just relaxing, shampooing his hair and humming to himself softly, making the world around him nonexistent for a few moments as his eyes closed in thought. As usual, his personal time was short, and the ringing of his phone caused him to once again be aware that reality kinda sucks. 

He turned off the water and tried to dry his hands the best he could, picking up the device with a scowl “yeah? What is it?” He bit out water still dripping from his hair as he wrapped a towel around his waist. “M-Mr. Bakugo! I'm sorry if this is inconvenient, but I just got some news that you needed to hear! That man who was sent away was tested, and it turns out he was contaminated by a new virus”. 

“And? What's that gotta do with me? “ He asked with a quirked eyebrow “I need a shot or whatever?”. 

“There’s a vaccine being made now, but no cure....The symptoms and signs are hard to tell until its too late”. 

He knit his brows together while listening in, becoming slightly nervous “What are the signs? Quit beatin’ around the bush and tell me already!”. 

The man's voice squeaked a bit, and he began to try and explain without stuttering in fear. “Obsessive thoughts over someone, possessive behavior, delusional thinking, aggressive actions that can lead to injury or death for the other person, anxiety, insomnia- The list goes on! Its...It’s like a-”

“Like a love virus” Katsuki finished, his cheeks becoming red from the thought of who he could possibly even fall for. “You think I have it? You think I’d hurt people if I do?” He asked while trying to cover the worry in his voice, knowing that in order to solve problems you often have to remain level headed. 

“It’s hard to say at this moment, sir, but I can always send someone to do tests if you feel you’re having early signs and symptoms. For now, just use standard caution when meeting people. Gloves, masks, anything you feel would protect you and others. I promise, our team is doing their best to stop this disease in its tracks”. 

Katsuki runs his fingers through his hair as he listens, humming small agreements before ending the call, placing his cell phone on the side of the sink with shaking hands. “I can’t be sick like that bastard! I won’t let it happen!” he says aloud, looking at himself in the foggy mirror before him. 

“I’m not sick. I won’t get sick. I'm a hero! Heroes don’t get sick! They help the sick!” he states while pointing at himself. “I. Won’t. Get. Sick”. He’s sure he’s fine! He won’t get these symptoms! No, he’s as healthy as can be! 

Poor thing has no idea that the virus has already taken over, and that his trials have just begun. 

[danjo-ao3]

When Ashes Fall p.3

Pairing: Reaper/female Reader

Summary: You are a combat medic working for Overwatch, when a mission goes south and you cross paths with Talon mercenary Reaper. But will he kill you on the spot or is there more to this encounter?

Rating: 18+

Tags/Warnings: rape/non-con, violence, blood, emotional manipulation, blackmail, kidnapping

Word count: 52,215 (in 5 parts)

A/N: the warnings are clear on this one. Yes, there is going to be rape/non-con, and it’s going to get explicit. I strongly advise anyone who is not into that kind of story to turn back around, because this is going to get pretty heavy and will finally be the non-con story with Reaper that I had always wanted to write.

Part 3 / 5 (part 1, part 2, part 4, part 5)

***

You got ready for another day at the lab, trying to forget all about last night. Be a good little assistant to very important Dr. O’Deorain.

Casey was her cheerful self as she greeted you over the bagel she had snuck inside the lab while she cast around slightly nervous glances as the doctor had chided her once for bringing food into her lab.

“It’s silly, don’t you think? It’s not even touching anything. I’m always careful.” With a small roll of her eyes she popped the last bite into her mouth, then wiped her hands on her white coat. “So what’s up, how did that op go?”

You frowned at the mention of the mission.

“It uh, it was a success,” you offered, as you went to sit down at one of the tables with lab equipment.

“Yeah, so I’ve heard.” She followed you to the workstation and sat down next to you, but only after pushing her chair a little closer to yours. Then she leaned in and lowered her voice. “I heard that you had to work with Reaper.”

Oh no.

You raised your gaze to hers, pleading with your eyes to not go there, but she just pushed her glasses up her nose and raised her eyebrows at you.

“Well, what is he like? I’ve heard so many different things about him, and I want to know which of it is true.” With a huff, she sat back in her chair, one finger at her chin and casting her eyes towards the ceiling in thought. “I only ever see him when he’s, you know—” She motioned towards the empty examination table in the middle of the room. “—when he’s knocked out.”

Your eyes followed to where she pointed. Unsure what to tell her you asked her to specify instead.

“Well, what have you heard?” Maybe she’d get that you didn’t feel like talking about it the more you got her to rant.

“That he,” She got closer again. “That he drains people.”

A shiver ran down your spine.

“They say that when you’re lucky, he’ll shoot you with those shotguns he carries around. But if not, he’ll leave you a husk.” By the end of her sentence she was almost whispering, like she was telling a ghost story by the campfire.

A husk. That was kind of what you’d felt like after that encounter.

Your gaze fell to the floor. “I actually didn’t see him in action, he went alone. I was simply...patching him back up after it was all done.”

Casey sat back, her curious expression turning to one of disappointment. “Oh well, what a shame. I bet he’s really scary in action.”

You couldn’t believe her. As if working alongside a homicidal murderer was anything but terrifying and to avoid at all cost. Scary wasn’t even beginning to cut it. Red shining orbs flitted through your memory and had you suppress a shiver.

“Yeah, I guess.” You answered meekly.

“Are you alright?” Casey cocked her head to the side, the messy bun on her head flipping along.

“Sure, I’m just tired.” It was true, you were still feeling drained from all the healing you’d had to do. You wouldn’t be up to your normal self for at least another day, that was for sure.

“How bad was it? I remember once when he was here—you should have seen it—he’d been barely able to hold shape, it had seemed like his entire left arm was missing.” She shook herself in abhorrence. “But, as usual, he made a full recovery. If you can call it that, I suppose.”

You winced. Surely, it couldn’t have been worse than what you’d seen the night before. The image of that dark mass, mist swirling around and shifting in and out of human shape, would haunt you for the rest of your life.

“It was pretty bad.” What an understatement. “But, aside from the worst of his wounds, he seemed to be able to heal himself pretty effectively. How exactly does he do that?” Now that you remembered, he had not called upon you for the first half hour or so, until the mist had finally decided on where to take form.

Casey blew out a frustrated breath. “I wouldn’t know. Dr. O’Deorain doesn’t tell me the details of her work on him. Only the necessary parts, to get him back into shape. But what is in the serum that I administer, I don’t know. She’s very secretive about that project of hers.”

Well, whatever was in it seemed to be responsible for the state he was in, you were sure of it. Wraith serum, your brain helpfully provided, and you suppressed a sarcastic laugh. Ridiculous!

The rest of your day was uneventful, thankfully. You worked alongside Casey in the lab to get some tests done on a few blood samples, put a couple of liquids in the centrifuge and took notes while Casey examined slides under the microscope. It was nice. Distraction.

Only when you went to bed that evening, new nightmares plagued you. They came every night now. Terrifying you in different ways. Sometimes your mind provided a visual manifestation of your fears, but mostly it was just this feeling of darkness creeping over you, consuming you in every possible way and stealing the air from your lungs. Replacing precious oxygen with black mist that made you feel like drowning.

Every early morning you woke with a start, sometimes with a hoarse shout, other times with your breath choking on a silent scream. Always with a frantically beating heart that would take a while to calm down. This was starting to adversely affect the amount of rest you got. You felt tired all the time, when you tried to concentrate it was almost impossible to focus for more than five minutes. All of that was giving you regular headaches now.

Today marked a week since your mission with Reaper. You wiped at moist eyes after this night’s terror. Sluggishly, you got to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Those always helped to calm you down, to get the adrenalin out of your bloodstream.

When you were ready and dressed, you made your way to the lab, where Casey was already pipetting on the work table. She was always present when you got in, it was almost like she was sleeping there. First to come, last to leave.

“Morning, Casey. Already at it again, huh?”

She answered without looking away from where she was currently squeezing blue liquid onto a clear gel. “Yep, you know me. Always working.”

You smiled to yourself, Casey was the one constant in your life right now that made you feel an inkling of normalcy. In another life you might have even called her a friend. But here, at Talon, you weren’t naïve enough to believe even for a second that any one of those people thought you to be more than a tool.

The smile on your face fell flat, and you turned away to get a lab coat from the small locker in the corner. As you opened the narrow metallic door, the fine hairs at the back of your neck stood on end. A rhythmic droning was growing louder, foreboding and practically freezing you to the spot. Your eyes were staring unseeing at the coats when the door to the lab burst open.

You already knew who had entered the room, even without looking. The thunderous sound had been footsteps, you realized.

Shaking yourself minutely, you grabbed a coat, shrugged it on and closed the locker door silently.

Dr. O’Deorain had entered, her usual severe look on her face, followed by no one other than Reaper.

Your heart dropped. Somehow you had hoped to never see him again, even if it was delusional. He was dressed in his usual getup, right from the white mask on his face to thick black boots on his feet.

“Good morning,” Casey said cheerfully in greeting as she swiveled around on her stool with a smile, pipette still in hand. You didn’t miss how she took extra care to momentarily pause her work for the doctor.

“Yes, yes. Serum administration in two minutes,” Dr. O’Deorain said dismissively while she walked towards a table in the far corner. Reaper was already sitting down on the examination table, his armour creaking and clanking faintly.

You still stood with your back to the locker, not realizing that you had pressed yourself against it. Now that Reaper had sat down, he saw you. But he made no sign of acknowledgement aside from a small tilt of his head in recognition. Your heart had started to pound quite frantically.

Maybe you could excuse yourself, tell the doctor that you were ill or something. But just as you were about to open your mouth to ask, did Dr. O’Deorain address you.

“Please, come over here.”

Hesitantly, you peeled yourself away from the locker and made your way over to where she was standing over something. It was your amplifying glove that she had given you.

“Yes, doctor?”

“I would like for you to demonstrate how you use the glove. Testing has been rather rudimentary.” She sounded thoughtful, then lifted the object and proffered it to you. “The results from yesterday speak for themselves,” She went on with the faintest hint of a proud smile, “but I want to observe it myself.”

Your eyes darted from the glove to her face.

“Yeah, about that,” You began, and picked up the item carefully, but did not put it on yet. “It doesn’t seem to work.”

Dr. O’Deorain frowned.

“Nonsense. You used it, didn’t you?”

“I tried, but it hurt too much, too quickly.”

She looked mildly upset with that frown of hers as she made a thoughtful sound. Finally, she seemed to have come to a conclusion.

“You will show me, only that way I’ll know what might be wrong with it.” And with those final words she went to the corner and approached a cabinet. Her long fingers deftly entered a code and with a small beep, the door opened for her. Inside was quite a big apparatus that she grabbed and put on like a backpack. There were gloves attached to it as well and she proceeded to put them on. With a final tug at her left hand, she approached Reaper who was still sitting on the table, metal spikes and claws glinting faintly in the overhead lights.

About one and a half meters away from him she came to a stop, her left hand extended in front and aimed at the man on the table. Then something clicked and you could see an instantaneous connection between Reaper and Dr. O’Deorain. It was a kind of beam, very thin and purple-ish in color.

Reaper jerked and grunted when the beam connected with him. It was gyrating and twisting maliciously as it moved from him towards the doctor.

The sound he’d made had you bite down on your cheek, a faint pain blossoming in your mouth, the taste of blood spread and you swallowed subconsciously. You took a small step backwards, eyes glued to the now faintly purple glowing mask of Reaper, whose head snapped in your direction at your movement. It made you stop in your tracks, commanded your attention. As he was staring at you and the doctor used that beam on him, you could hear his clawed hands tightening on the metal of the table. The scratching sound was like nails on chalkboard, goosebumps rose on your arms in discomfort and you hugged yourself.

The urge to get out was making you tremble.

On the doctor’s back, the apparatus was equipped with a big, clear tube that was slowly starting to fill with purple liquid, or was it mist? You couldn’t tell. The longer she held that beam active, the more of the tube was filled. But it seemed to also have an effect on Reaper. He was starting to bend forward, his arms were slightly shaking where he gripped the table edge hard enough to leave marks, and his breath came in short huffs. He seemed to be in pain.

Your eyes wandered from Reaper’s hunched over form toward that of Dr. O’Deorain’s, who was still standing tall with her arm stretched out and connected with that beam of hers. Her face was gleaming in delight, eyes wide, her mouth split in a grin and in that moment you realized that this woman was just as dangerous as that masked maniac sitting to your right.

“Yes,” she said softly, almost inaudible over the hum of the beam. What was she doing? With a worried glance you checked for Casey, who was watching the whole ordeal from her seat not too far away, and—was she taking notes?

Abruptly, the humming stopped, the purple light vanished and the doctor withdrew her arm with a satisfied smile. She studied her left hand for a second, before her sharp, mismatched eyes met yours.

“All right, it’s your turn,” She addressed you curtly and nodded toward the amplifying glove.

“What—” You looked between her and Reaper uncertainly. “What was that?”

She chuckled as she removed her equipment and stowed it away again.

“This piece of cutting edge technology is my Biotic Grasp.” She explained, pride evident in her voice. With a swift motion, she produced a small drone from her pocket and placed it in mid air in front of her, where the little machine started to float and whirr softly. Next to her lay a data pad that she used to command the drone and have it float towards Reaper, little laser beams scanning his vitals.

You still stood there, a good few meters away from either of them, your hands balled into fists.

Dr. O’Deorain watched the data pad intently, while she kept explaining. “The beam you just saw is a derivative of the nanite technology, not unlike the one you have. But instead of regenerating someone, it does the opposite: it saps their energy. Their life force.”

Holy shit.

“I never understood why it was the medic’s duty to offer so much of themselves, when all the required energy is around, ripe for the taking. To redistribute as one sees fit. Enemies are always aplenty, especially in combat situations.”

Her monologue had you realize that she herself must have been a combat medic at one point.

“With this technology, I can equip anybody to do the required work, no training necessary.” A few taps to the pad and the drone hovered around Reaper to his backside, still scanning busily.

“I even managed to go further than that.” Her eyes flashed, your heartbeat accelerated. “I was able to directly implement this technology into the human body.” She laid aside the data pad and approached Reaper, who was still visibly struggling to even sit straight. Her hand reached out and boldly removed his mask.

Black mist rose in plumes from the hood, but from where you stood, you couldn’t see anything, his head was turned down and the darkness was hiding his features.

“It does still have a few... side effects,” she murmured, then used one finger underneath Reaper’s chin to lift his head enough for you to see his face.

You held your breath.

This was the first time when no smoke could conceal him, no darkness; when you were fully conscious and your sight not hindered by anything. The first time had been glances into a dark pond, in the twilight of evening, where the depths of it had been nigh invisible and only the blood red moon had been reflected on its surface. The second time was during midday, the sunrays penetrating the water and illuminating the very ground of the pond, even though it was still murky.

But this time?

This time it was as if the entire pond had been emptied, the unforgiving sun had evaporated all the water, only a few traces of mist remained. And you could see everything.

His eyes were currently closed, a deep frown edged into his brow and a scowl twisted his mouth and revealed pearly white sharp teeth.

The scars were even more prominent now than they had previously been, they were numerous and seemed to be very old. He’d have looked like a normal man—who had gone through some rough shit—hadn’t it been for the greyish tint to his skin that made him look deceased.

Finally, his eyes opened, slowly blinking upward towards the light.

Again, your heart dropped.

The garish lamps overhead cast their light directly into the red orbs of his eyes, making them glow brighter than you’d ever seen before. He blinked once, then their fiery red fell onto Dr. O’Deorain.

She still had her index finger underneath his chin, tilted his face towards herself, and beckoned for the little drone to approach. The small lasers scanned Reaper’s retinas, he didn’t even blink; he simply stared ahead, seeing right through the doctor.

Now that you could see his face in its entirety, you got the feeling that he looked familiar. But you couldn’t remember how.

The little drone beeped softly, signalling that its scan was complete, and Dr. O’Deorain let go of the man in front of her to once again consult the data pad.

Slowly, Reaper let his head fall forward again, but not before his eyes found yours.

It was like staring into the eyes of the devil. Had you been Catholic, you’d have crossed yourself. Even so, the urge to do it made you hug yourself even tighter.

You couldn’t look away, even though he was obviously weakened by whatever the doctor had done to him, he was still able to hold himself up. Slowly, his mouth opened, even more black mist rising from it, like cigarette smoke. Paired with the look he gave you it was very...suggestive.

You bristled and averted your eyes.

Casey was still busily writing things down from where she sat a few meters away.

“Go on now,” Dr. O’Deorain reminded you impatiently from the left.

You couldn’t postpone it any longer, with an internal sigh, you went and put on the doctor’s glove. Casting wary glances at Reaper, you went as far as was necessary, which was still closer than you liked, extended your arm and prepared yourself for the worst.

Unsure of where to aim—there were no visible wounds or anything—you directed the gentle golden spray at his chest, where it dissipated into nothing on contact. After a few seconds, he was already starting to relax, his grip on the table was loosening, as were his drawn shoulders. The scowl on his face remained though, that was probably permanent...

Just when Reaper released a quiet breath of relief, did you feel the numbness spread out and up your entire arm. This time, the following pain came with a vengeance.

You tried to suppress the grunt, but it came so quickly and unbidden, that it was impossible. Reaper seemed to be studying you now, no longer looking through you. His red eyes were jumping from your hand, to your forearm, and finally landed on your face.

As his breathing was becoming calmer and easier, yours was starting to grow heavy. Keeping your arm extended was proving to be too much already, you had to use the other arm for support, wondering when this was done.

All the while Dr. O’Deorain was standing to your right, rapt with attention at witnessing her creation.

“I—I can’t. This is too much,” you ground out and already wanted to move away again, but suddenly the doctor pulled you into her and took a firm hold of your arms.

“You’re not done yet,” she said right next to your ear and a shiver ran through you at the memory of those same words spoken by the very man sitting in front of you.

The sheer surprise of having the doctor reacting in that way and to manhandle you like that, had you in shock. For someone who was usually sitting in a lab, she was surprisingly strong. The grip she was having on you was unforgiving.

Now you were left to watch as the spray kept coming, your arm was cramping up so badly you wondered if it was ever going to relax again.

As your eyes were now fixed on your arm, held tightly in Dr. O’Deorain’s grip, you saw your veins standing out in dark contrast to your skin. They were shimmering with a bluish tint.

“Hng!” you exclaimed. The pain was almost intolerable. “Please, doctor—”

“Just a little more.”

You whimpered, face scrunched up in agony.

Then you heard Reaper snarl, your eyes shot up to his face, black mist was starting to rise from him again. The look on his face was exuding annoyance. His hand came forward to snatch your arm out of the doctor’s grip; she was just as surprised as you were, because she let go immediately, letting him pull you away from her.

Even though he was still wearing his gauntlets, he was able to deftly peel off the glove from your numb hand with ease. His claws left white marks where they lightly scratched against your skin, but you barely felt it.

You just stood there, passively letting him work, watching while you caught your breath.

When he had finally managed to remove the glove completely, he flung it at Dr. O’Deorain, who caught it with an almost comical expression of surprise.

“Back to the drawing board, doc,” he said drily.

Watching the many emotions flitting over Dr. O’Deorain’s face was both alarming, but also strangely satisfying.

With a final huff of indignation, the doctor turned on her heel, glove in hand, and made a beeline for the exit.

Almost immediately, Casey jumped up from her spot and hurried after the doctor and out of the lab.

You grimaced.

A light tug on your hand made you realize that Reaper was still holding it, now examining the many purple veins adorning your skin.

Now that the glove was off, you could finally see the full damage it had wrought. With a shocked gasp, you reflexively pulled free of the man’s loose hold on you and studied your skin with horror.

The discoloration wasn’t like anything you’d ever seen before. Like ugly bruises they were criss-crossing all over your skin. Were these going to be permanent, would they be there until the end of your life?

Tears threatened to spill from your burning eyes. This was a nightmare...it couldn’t be true. Your arm looked like it was dying, like it could fall off any minute now.

Feeling faint, you backed up until you hit the workbench behind you, felt blindly for a stool and slowly sank down onto it. But even though your world was crashing down around you, no tears were coming.

“This is all your fault,” you accused Reaper. Instead of breaking down in tears, your body decided it was feeling aggressive instead, and even though you were mostly angry at the doctor right now, the only one whom you could antagonize was Reaper. And you had enough reason to be mad at him, too.

There was no reaction from where he still sat on the examination table. Why was he still here, anyway?

“If it hadn’t been for you, I’d be with my friends right now, drinking coffee and doing fun shit or something.” Well, it was partially true. There wasn’t always a lot of time for people in Overwatch to actually do anything besides training, paper work, or going on missions. But there had been the occasional meetup over coffee and a nice piece of strawberry cake.

“If it hadn’t been for me, you’d be dead,” Reaper finally answered in his gravelly voice, then got off the table to land on the floor with a loud thud from his steel boots.

Your head whipped around to glare at him.

“Better off dead than being a pawn for terrorists and murderers!”

The man crossed his arms in front of himself, the scowl on his face deepening. “You think working for Overwatch is morally superior?”

“Obviously.”

He tsked.

“Overwatch is a joke. Always has been.”

“Right, I bet you know all about it,” you said sarcastically, idly rubbing your right arm back to life.

“I do.”

All right, you would bite.

“How?”

“I was there.” He reached for his abandoned mask that lay on the workbench beside you, heavy footsteps making you tense as he approached.

“Before it was disbanded, Overwatch was a giant façade for some of the richest people in the world to play war.” Mask in hand, he looked at it pensively. “We all were pawns for them, given the illusion of being in command. We were, sort of. I commanded my team in the shadows, we were the ones who didn’t even have to play by Overwatch’s official rules.”

Slowly, you realized he was talking about Blackwatch and goosebumps rose on your skin. It couldn’t be. Maybe that’s why he seemed so familiar.

Finally, he looked at you, but his eyes were far away, in the past.

“The ones up top, those we never got to meet, they were pulling the strings. And we were the expendable private militia they could send to their enemies in their stead.”

He turned to you. “Nothing we were told to do was ever for the greater good,” he finished, the light in his red eyes burning.

“Even if all of this were true, why not fight it from the inside then? Instead, you decided to go full maniac and became an official bad guy?” You were treading on thin ice, but he must have been lying to you. Never before had you heard any of these accusations, they sounded baseless and frankly, ludicrous.

You were familiar with Overwatch history, at least the official stories they’d taught you at the beginning at orientation. Had they omitted these details?

The ghost of a smile flitted across his features. “I decided to fight fire with fire.” Then he leaned against the tabletop with his claws resting against its surface, aligning himself to you two side by side with just a few meters in between.

You snorted.

“Is this why you run around dressed like that?” You pointed at his getup, it felt good to poke fun at him like this. But you were also wary about how far you could to push him.

But even as you spoke that last sentence, Reaper suddenly narrowed his eyes at you. It wasn’t in anger, though, but rather in intrigue. He was staring openly at your neck. Self-consciously, you let go of your right arm to reach up to the spot instead.

It was the same one that Ogundimu had inspected after your mission. This particular memory, how he had brushed away your hair, it opened the floodgates to all the other things that had happened on that night.

You were shocked that he was still able to see it. When you’d tried to catch a glimpse of it in a mirror, it was almost impossible because of its position so far back. And the mission had been like a week ago, the mark—whatever it was—should have faded by now.

“I’ve gotta go,” you blurted and abruptly stood from the stool, almost toppling it over in your haste.

You didn’t get very far, your wrist was gripped tightly by a hard, cold steel gauntlet stopping you from leaving. In a state of shock and disbelief you saw your badly discolored arm in his claws around it, and like a wild animal caught in a snare, your body went into fight or flight mode.

With jerking movements, you pulled hard to get free, you threw your entire weight away from where he held you and even kicked at him.

“Stop that,” he grunted, but only sounded mildly disgruntled, and somehow that made you calm down enough to stop your struggling.

“Let me go,” you demanded, emphasizing your point with a tug. But he didn’t let go. Instead, he studied your damaged hand.

“I must know…” he said ominously and removed one gauntlet with his teeth. It clattered on the tabletop noisily, making you jump. The skin of his hand was darker than that of his face, you noticed, as he used the pads of three fingers to lightly touch your bluish forearm.

“W—what are you doing?” You demanded to know, trying to pull away again.

He hummed darkly in thought, tracing small patterns on your skin. The motion sent shivers up your arm and through your entire body. Your eyes anxiously darted between where he was currently touching you and his face. The sensation was disconcerting, but also—you were hesitant to admit—kind of pleasant. A faint blush spread on your cheeks.

All of a sudden, he used the grip he had on your wrist to pull you a little closer and took a hold of your other hand as well.

“Hey!” you exclaimed, and once again tried to break free. And once again, failed.

With all the time in the world, and the strength of a fucking machine, he raised your good arm and laid your hand against the side of his neck, then held it in place.

Now you were...touching him, you felt so repelled by the mere thought of it, that your face twisted in abhorrence.

“Heal me,” he commanded in a low voice.

The audacity. Anger rose up inside you.

“Fuck you!” You uttered with vigor and stubbornly held still without doing a thing for him. What would he need healing for, anyway; you’d just healed him mere minutes ago. He was insatiable!

He growled.

“Do it.”

You pushed your luck.

“No.”

The two of you stared at each other in varying degrees of frustration.

What were you doing? Reaper could easily tear you apart if he so desired, why were you defying him like that? A small voice answered how the last time you healed him through direct touch it resulted in things that still caused you nightmares to this day.

With a snarl, the man pulled you into him and to the side, to push you on top of the examination table. He followed closely, to pin both your wrists to the tabletop, right next to your head. You lay there awkwardly, while your upper body was on the table, your feet still touched the ground lightly, and Reaper now stood over you, holding you down. He was right in your face, too.

“Do you have a death wish, girl?” He was furious, the glowing red orbs of his eyes were burning brightly, dark mist was rising off of him in waves. You guessed he wasn’t used to people not following his orders. All you could do was stare, your head was still spinning from where it had hit the steel table. It hurt like a bitch. Your spine too, how it was bent so uncomfortably.

When you didn’t answer fast enough, his eyes narrowed, his gaze flitted over your face. Finally, he shifted, moved in between your legs so they fell open and around his thighs.

Your blush deepened and your heart stuttered.

“Or is it something else you wish for,” he murmured, eyes falling to your lips.

Oh god, no.

You blinked through the headache and weakly started to struggle again. Of course, you couldn’t even move him a millimeter.

“Nng—don’t…” you gasped, averting your eyes to the side when you couldn’t dislodge him.

Surprisingly, he let go of your wrists, instead his fingers tilted your head towards him. You would never get used to these eyes, you thought, as you were forced to look into them once more.

“Heal me,” he repeated himself, a solemn expression on his ashen face.

You shivered, silently pleading for him to just stop. But the determination in his eyes told you that he was ready to go as far as he needed in order to get what he wanted.

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

Arm shaking, you slowly reached for his face. That was the only place where you could touch his skin, and as you did so you had to push down the fear of the consequences. He was watching your hand as it moved, the last centimeter was the hardest part. You were hoping he might help by closing the distance, but he stayed in place. Then you finally touched him, your fingers twitching.

Concentrating on your breathing, which was way too fast, you sent out a gentle wave of healing. It took only a second before Reaper closed his eyes and exhaled in satisfaction.

His breath faintly brushed against your face, he was that close.

You kept the healing stream low on purpose, you’d already given it your all to heal him with Dr. O’Deorain’s glove. No need to go all in this time.

To an outsider this must have looked like a scene between two lovers; the way he was bent over you and you practically cradling his face while he obviously enjoyed what you were doing… good thing there was nobody else present.

His eyes were still closed as you felt his fingers loosen their hold on your chin to gently brush down the front of your neck.

“W—wait,” you stammered and momentarily broke the contact on his face. As you had feared the direct healing was having the same effect on him as the last time.

The second your palm left his cheek, his eyes flew open and his still gloved hand shot up to press it back into place. “More,” he growled in that eerie, dark voice.

If you kept going like this you would collapse again, it was simply too much. That damn glove did something to your nanites that seemed to make them work in overdrive and use all your resources at once. At least that’s what it felt like.

“I think that’s enough,” you said meekly and simply stopped the healing output, glassy eyes staring at Reaper, probably not without an air of a challenge in them.

When he felt the healing stop altogether, Reaper scowled. “I say when it’s enough.”

“No!” You’ve had it up to here with him. “No, you don’t! I get to say when it’s done. And I say it is done,” you yelled and snatched your hand out of his to cradle against your chest. “I’m not your personal health pack!” Just damn this man to hell.

At your blatant display of insubordination, he went through multiple stages of disbelief and anger, followed by one of his growls.

In the blink of an eye he had grabbed you under the thighs and pushed you completely on top of the table, crawled over you, put a knee between your legs and pressed against your core roughly with how he held himself on top.

When you wanted to protest against him manhandling you like that, he simply brought his hand that was still in the gauntlet, up and around your throat, effectively cutting off any of your words. The only thing that left your mouth were short gasps now.

He bared his teeth at you, his fiery red orbs almost burning a hole through your skull.

You whimpered.

“I am—” he began loudly, then stopped to think over his words. “I haven’t felt... anything like this in…” he drifted off, eyes darting between different spots on your face. You wondered what he saw there, what he was trying to tell you all of a sudden. Not that you were the least bit interested to know the inner machinations of this utter lunatic. Maybe when this was all over you’d write a book about it, you would call it ‘My Life With The Murderer’.

Only that when this was going to be over, you’d likely be dead.

“Why do you do it?” The question startled you, what did he even mean? You’d done as he’d asked, you’d healed him. Simple as that.

Your frown deepening, you mouthed your answer and that’s when he must have realized that his heavy hand on your windpipe was hindering your speech. He loosened it just a fraction and you breathed in as deeply as it allowed you to.

“I don’t know what—”, you coughed, “what you mean.”

“No. You know,” he ground out and leaned forward a fraction. “Why, mariquita? Is it to weaken me, to catch me off guard?” He hummed, his voice had taken on a velvety smoothness to its coarse undertones and it made your shiver. “Someone set you up to do this.” Again, he searched your face while his eyes squinted. “Was it Akande, Maximilien?”

The way he seemed to be convinced that somebody had ordered you to, what, seduce him made you exhale in a short hysterical laugh. What utter nonsense.

But your laughing made him tighten the grip on your neck again, he didn’t seem to find this the least bit funny.

“If that is what you tried to achieve, then I’ll give them what they want.” And with those words he closed the distance to press his mouth against yours.

With wide eyes you stared into his, panic rising in your chest. The sheer malice on his face was not a good sign for what was about to come. Then you remembered that your hands were currently free and you pushed at him with all your might. But he just gripped your throat harder, the pressure inside your head was painful, and the lack of air had you open your mouth to gasp.

Reaper used that opening to lick inside and over your tongue. The smell and taste of him were assaulting your senses just like the constant pressure against your neck and groin. Failing to push him off, your hands flew to his wrist where he was cutting your airflow off instead.

Your eyes were burning, tears were gathering at the corners and a single one traced down the side of your face to disappear into your hairline. This was it, just a few more seconds and you’d suffocate. Black spots were dancing at the edges of your vision, your muscles spasmed with the lack of oxygen in your blood, and you whimpered.

When he pulled away it was like coming up from deep water, as if you broke its surface and could finally breathe again. Everything hurt, but especially your chest and your head. You moaned in pain in between deep breaths. The cold from the metallic examination table was seeping into your bones and had them ache as well.

It took you a little while to get your breathing under control again, your numb fingers had slipped off his gauntlet and fallen limply to the side, but he still had a secure hold on you. Finally, you managed to look him in the eyes again.

You were at his mercy once more, your life was literally in his hands. Already his grip threatened to tighten again.

When you tried to speak, it only came out as a whisper. “Please,” you swallowed and another tear ran down your face. “No more.”

You couldn’t do this again, the choking was a horror you hadn’t ever experienced before and it had you on edge so much you thought you might have a heart attack.

The malice that had previously distorted his face had ebbed down a bit, he seemed to be more pensive right now with how he was watching your face and let his gaze wander over your heaving chest. Finally, his gauntlet left your neck to brush down your front, claws scratching you unpleasantly and sending shivers down your spine.

Wordlessly, he moved his hand over your chest where your lab coat had fallen open and lightly squeezed your breast through your thin shirt, his talons dangerously close to piercing your skin.

You held your breath in fear, there was nothing you could do to deter him if he wanted to do... that to you, and the realization had you sniffling pathetically as you turned your head to the side.

Meanwhile his gauntlet moved further down your belly to push under the hem of your shirt. The cold, pointy ends of his claws made you shiver violently as they moved to where your bra was, bunching up your top in the process. The razor sharp tips of his talons made short work of your bra, it snapped in half right in the middle, and you flinched at the feeling of the elastic going slack.

You hid your face in the crook of your shoulder when he bared you to his gaze, light tremors running through your entire body.

For a while, nothing happened. He cruelly left you anticipating his next move.

Then, gradually, you felt him shift above you, his fingertips lightly brushed between your breasts and circled around your left nipple, pebbling it in the process. It tickled, made you squirm. When he rolled it between two fingers, you tensed and tried to turn away and to the side, but bumped into his arm that he currently used to prop himself above you.

“Don’t be shy now, mariquita,” he murmured, suddenly very close to your ear, you could feel his breath on your skin. “We’re just getting started. This is what you’ve been sent to do.”

Oh god, you’d never recover from this. This was the most nightmarish, fucked up excuse for foreplay you could imagine.

He kept breathing in your ear, nipping at the lobe and lightly kissing your neck while his hand kept playing with your nipple.

Soon, the blush was returning to your cheeks. As fucked up as it was, it was still foreplay, and your body reacted to the stimuli it was given, regardless of its source.

“I—I wasn’t sent by...by anyone!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” he growled, but kept his ministrations gentle. It was messing with your head. Your anxiety level was through the roof.

“I’m not…” you sobbed, trailing off. This was not helping at all, it was no use. He wouldn’t believe you.

“I know it was me who found you,” Reaper started, “but it was Akande who teamed us up. I had wondered what his intentions had been.” He kept fondling your breasts, and even though you were terrified, your body was starting to get aroused with it. Tingles went down between your legs, made you want to press them together, but Reaper’s armored knee was still nestled against you intimately.

He hummed in thought. “I will find out why you...” he nosed into your neck, “affect me so. A little indulgence in the meantime won’t hurt.”

Won’t hurt you, you thought bitterly.

Reaper’s knee ground against you, so hard that it pushed you up the table with it. The shock of it had you tilt your head back towards him, ready to protest again.

But he simply kissed away any words that had been on your tongue. He was rougher now than before, his mouth forcing yours to open wide and he invaded it boldly with his tongue. It was an all consuming kind of kiss, one that would have you swooning had you not been lying down already. Still, it made your head swim and your legs shake where they tried to squeeze together around Reaper’s thick thigh. He groaned at the feeling of you squirming around him, his bare hand moving from your breast to the fly of your jeans to pop open the button.

His mouth was still slotted against yours, stealing your breath away in a passionate dance.

You were hesitant to admit it, but it was a really good kiss, with the right partner you’d have loved it, given yourself to him without a second thought. Alas, this was Reaper, and the terror you felt at the thought of being raped by him was all consuming.

But suddenly you felt him tugging at your pants, pulling them over your hips, and another wave of sheer panic momentarily gave your head some clarity.

“No,” you pulled away from the kiss, cast fearful eyes down your body and tried to slap his hands away from where they were currently tracing along the top of your panties.

With ease, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them both above your head in his gauntlet.

“Don’t,” your voice broke on the last syllable, “please.” Tears were finally streaming down your face, you couldn’t keep it together any longer.

He paused, cocked his head.

“Poor girl,” he cooed and brushed some of the tears away with his thumb. “You are but an instrument, to be used by one and then by another. This is your place now.” He kissed your brow and drew back again, unphased by your revulsion. “This is what Akande wanted, so it is what he’ll get.” His voice turned cold. “Send him my regards.”

Apparently he was really under the impression that Ogundimu had instructed you to do this, the mere thought that maybe that was true, that Ogundimu thought of you as someone to whore out to teammates acting up made you sick to your stomach. What was the purpose of that, though? Distraction, dependency?

Reward?

Your musings were interrupted when Reaper resumed what he’d been doing previously, his bare hand moved down to your jeans and pushed them down, along with your panties, until they bunched around your knees.

To get them further down though, he had to momentarily get off of you, and it was in that moment that you saw your chance to get out. His hold on your wrists was easily broken when he was so focused on your bottom half. One hard tug and your hands were free, twisting to the side you managed to dodge his renewed attempt at catching you and your legs could slide out beneath him on the smooth metal of the examination table. The fall to the floor was painful, but the adrenalin in your system helped to ignore it as you collected your limbs underneath you and got up to your feet. A quick tug on your pants and you had them up around your hips again, the way to the door beckoning you.

Four long strides and the door almost in reach, but there was a black mass swirling in front of you now. It was Reaper’s black mist, you recognized from where you had stopped in your tracks, too shocked to look away. The mist was swirling, folding in on itself and finally taking on human shape.

This was straight out of a horror novel and you yelped in surprise.

The first part of him that was truly identifiable as human were his eyes, burning through the mist in their demonic color. The rest of his face followed suit, then his body materialized, already reaching out for you.

Too late you stumbled backwards.

In the blink of an eye you were whirled around and pressed against the doors that you had so desperately tried to reach a moment ago.

Reaper was holding you by the arms, a manic glint in his eye.

“You think you can run from me?” He sounded amused and it was almost convincing, hadn’t it been for the way his hands held you in a vice like grip, painfully tight.

That had been your very last chance of escape.

His rhetorical question hung above you heavily. No, you didn’t actually think that, it had been a knee jerk reaction of your body to flee.

“I’m—” His gauntlet on your mouth stopped you mid-sentence. He had pushed even closer to be able to release one of your arms and shush you like this. You cast wary eyes his way and saw that he was looking off to the side.

It seemed like he was listening for something.

Then you heard it: footsteps were fast approaching from the outside. Your eyes went wide. Who was coming to the lab? Were they going to try and come inside? Maybe you could cry for help…

Any hope that dared to blossom in your heart was crushed by the realization that nobody in this building was likely to help you at all, especially with Reaper. You were convinced that most people were afraid of him, yourself included. Hell, you were the president of club Reaper Is Scary.

With his finger against his lips Reaper signaled for you to be silent, not that you could have made a sound anyway. The sound grew ever louder and finally they came to a stop on the other side of the door.

You strained your ears for any clues on who it might be, but all you could hear was the blood rushing in your ears.

Then, a knock.

It almost made your heart stop right then and there. Wide eyed you stared at the man in front of you, not daring to make a sound. You were acutely aware of how Reaper was pressed to you, all hard edges and cold metal.

Casey called your name from outside. “Hey, are you there?” Her voice sounded muffled through the thick walls. “I forgot my keycard when I left. Can you let me in?”

What would Casey say if she saw you like this, half naked with bruised lips by rough kisses from no one else but  Reaper . Would she be disgusted, or would she understand that this was not what it seemed? Really, you didn’t want to find out.

It felt like an eternity until Casey called your name and knocked one last time, followed by a silent curse and mention of finding Dr. O’Deorain to let her in, that told you she was going to leave and come back at a later time. Her footsteps disappeared down the hall.

You had closed your eyes in fear and only now cracked them open to tentatively watch what Reaper was doing. His face had softened somewhat, the fire in his eyes muted just a little. He was watching you intently, removed his hand from your mouth and took a step away from you.

Your knees buckled where you stood half leaning against the door with wild eyes, your hands fiercely clasping your lab coat to shield from view...and maybe more.

“This is not over, mariquita,” he promised darkly, then did his disappearing act again and vanished in a cloud of black mist right in front of you.

It took you a minute to breathe easy again. The darkness had lifted off of you for now, his presence was no longer looming above and you sobbed in relief. Your hands covered your face as tears were flowing freely again.

Your mind was blank, too many emotions were warring within you to make anything coherent of them. What you knew for certain was that you had to get out of this building and as far away as possible.

But what about Caleb?