#i could probably get away with saying Im genderfluid but it just doesn't really feel right to me

[idledreams4]

I know I'm spending too much time on Tumblr cause y'all just call me Harlenn

I just got caught off guard when someone who I know keeps calling my by my dead name did exactly that.

I'm so used to hearing the name I want to that I got blindsided and also it's making me re-evaluate my friend choices...

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas 👋

Bit of a strange ask here, I suppose, and it's late so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense (feel free not to reply, especially if I accidentally touch on topics you don't want to talk about). A bit of context for my situation: I'm currently presenting as a girl, my birth gender - but recently, the last year or so, and especially the last few months when ive sort of admitted it to myself, I really have started to think I'm probably not cis. I definitely feel like a girl sometimes, but other times, I can't think of anything worse than being a girl and it feels all wrong. This has led me to believe I'm probably genderfluid (or possibly trans, but I'm really not ready to admit that to even myself yet). I quite like using he/they pronouns, which I sometimes use in online spaces. However, my main question comes because I'm moving to a city an hour away from where I live right now, at the end of this year. I'm going to be starting a new school, have new friends, join new clubs etc. And while I'll still be seeing family/good friends from where I live now, I feel like it would be a lot easier for me to just start anew with a changed identity. But I'm really not confident in my identity yet - I can barely admit it to myself without massive amounts of doubt, and can't think of myself in situations where people don't see me as a girl. My parents would support me - but they'd definitely roll their eyes a bit, and be somewhat of 'it's a phase' or 'not my child' I think?? And I know a lot of my current friends, who honestly im not really that close to, won't get it and will probably abandon me for being too 'weird'. Luckily I do have a best friend that I believe will stick by me.

Sorry, I got a little side-tracked, but basically, my question is; would it be worth it? I know it'd be hard, and I know my family and friends perception of me would change, and maybe not for the better, and im worried to come out as an identity but then realise im actually not that and prove them right in thinking it was just a phase. Sorry for the long ask, but any advice or insight you could give would be much appreciated. <3

Hi love!

Okay, a few questions:

is it SAFE for you to present as your identity? Safety first!

Mentally, can you handle the reactions that might happen if you were to come out? You say perceptions might change for the worse- is that okay with you?

I think for some people, negative reactions aren't a big deal. It's like- fuck you if you don't accept me, you know? But for others, especially people who are still young and who are minors, negative reactions can be super detrimental. It's YOUR decision what is the best for you.

Remember, YOU are the person who knows you best. You know what you need and what is important to you. You also deserve to put your needs first. What do you think is best for you?

Naming you pancakes anon (we're going with random names)

[ionlyhavetwoeyes]

I'm just letting this out bc it's been bothering me all day and I think I just need to get it out.

(Tw for transphobia and a short mention of suicidal ideation (non explicit))

(Let me know if any other tags/warnings need to be added im really bad about know which ones are there)

Today at work, within an hour of clocking In I get a customer that approaches me. I work in the clothes section of my store, at the moment I was just putting away clothes people didn't want.

The first thing this person says to me is "just so you know, you don't pass. At all."

Context: I am trans masculine. I specifically identify a genderfaun (a subtype of genderfluid) but most the time I just say I'm nonbinary. My work allows us to have pins on our uniform, and while I typically have many, I currently only have two pronoun pins by my name badge. One he/him, one They/them.

I'm thrown off by this statement because I have no idea what the hell they're talking about. I haven't had a stranger approach me about this ever. I notice them glance down at my pins and it clicks. I respond with I know (I'm mostly pretty medical intervention, only on birth control to stop my periods)

They ask me what the point is.

I then proceed, a tad excited because I dont have many people to talk about it with, to say I actually have top surgery next month and will start T soon after that.

My excitement shatters immediately as they tell me that doesn't change anything. That it won't change my waist, or hips, or how slim my shoulders are.

I try explaining that T can actually help with that. I've done alot of research on it. I used to be on the fence about it, that's why it's taken so long for me to start it. They disagree with me, telling me it cannot change the above mentioned.

I am getting uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable with this person looking at my body in such a way that they can identify that. I am weakly holding back from explaining I actually have quite broad shoulders. I weakly shrug in response as I look around for someone to help me. No one is around.

They continue to go on about how they know people who have gotten surgery and/or hormones and it hasn't helped anything. That they think it's just an identity crisis. That it hurts to see tomboys like them butchering themselfs to no avail. That we're trying to be cis men, an ideal that is impossible to achieve.

I am panicking. I am shaking and holding back tears. While they are not acting aggressive, they are talking firmly as if there is no room in their opinion. I'm glancing around the area, clocking every item near by that could potentially harm or even kill me. It is a worrying number. I am wondering how I'm going to be able to get away from this person.

I try explaining that I am not comparing myself to cis men. I am only comparing who I was 5 years ago. I'm much happier now. I do not mention I'm actually nonbinary because I feel this would not help the situation at all.

They paused for a moment, considering that, and then arguing again. My hearing started ringing so I'm not quite sure what all they said after that. I eventually tell them I can understand where they're coming from before finally being able to escape. I quickly put the small amount of returns I had back at the fitting room before going to the farthest area away in my department.

I end up finding one of my friends and working with them for a moment. They're much more upset about it than I am. I'm just grateful I wasn't harmed and trying to stop shaking.

I probably was not as articulate as I could have been. The majority of the time I was legitimately worried I was about to be hatecrimed and no one was around to help me. I wish I was able to explain that being called she/her or a girl actively put me in a depressive episode, borderline suicidal. That being called any other pronouns, being refused to as sir, fill me with such a high that I'm smiling for the next half hour.

That the point of it is being happy with myself.

I could see where they were coming from. That it must be hard to see people you grew up with and thought you connected to change. People you thought were the same as you are not.

But they didnt know me. They didn't know I grew up a tomboy, always missing something. They didn't know that i constantly changed my name as a child. That when I was 12, I prayed to God every night to take my chest away. That I would sit on my bed with a mini knife trying to get myself to do it on my own.

They don't know what I've gone through. And they had no right to try and tell me I'm not really trans. I already know my surgery is going to make me infinitely happier. That starting T will give me a confidence boost I've been waiting for. I already know this and it hasn't even happened yet. I don't need to prove to some else I'm trans enough, or why I'm even trying when I look very fem still. I've long given up on trying to impress people.

I can usually do articulate conversations on these topics, but im usually talking with people I know where I can gauge reactions and know when to stop. I've never had to do this with a stranger where I wasn't sure if they would attack me for disagreeing or not.

I'm debating on telling my managers. They can't do anything about it now, I'm not good at remembering people and the cameras aren't always good, expcially since we were between racks. I just hope they didn't get on any of my other trans coworkers. Most of them are younger than me.

This was a bit long, and might not even be cohesive. Thank you for reading this far if you have. I hope you all stay safe and stay alert in your lives <3

[queerkuro]

if you and bex are still sharing your trans hq hcs i'd love to hear what you have to say about akaashi and/or osamu

of course we will always always always share trans hcs but imma warn you now bex is gonna go feral over osamu

send me and bex characters to trans

are you also interested in osaaka? bc I'm also gonna talk about osaaka

so imma start with osamu - i'll let bex talk about enby osamu bc they have so many thoughts BUT! i love for both of the twins to be transmasc! one of my little scenarios for them is when one of them is feeling dysphoric, the other is like "oh, you think you're too girly? so you think IM girly?" and then they fist fight about it lmao. when me and bex talk about transmasc osamu, we talk about him keeping his tits, but I also think it's cute of atsumu to pay for osamu to have top surgery with his first pro athlete paycheck

i've also been loving genderfluid osamu! (and atsumu but this ain't about him. if one of them is trans the other one is too) and I love him using any pronouns! his favorite thing is to confuse people with his gender. i think he doesn't necessarily have specific days for what gender he's feeling, it's just more a go with the flow kinda thing

i also think that transmasc osamu gets mistaken for a butch lesbian a lot. and it doesn't necessarily bother him all that much because he's not all that dysphoric, but that can build up on him, you know?

for akaashi - that bitch is trans okay. he is so trans. literally since I first saw him I was like "that's a trans person."

he is just so nonbinary. soooo nonbinary. i really can't even give you reasons for it other than vibes and probably projection because I relate to akaashi the most but he's nonbinary okay.

buuuut i do also love transmasc and transfem akaashi! i said in my previous post about akaashi coming out to bokuto, but since this is about akaashi I can go into further detail about that!

so basically my thought process is transmasc akaashi is SO worried all the time about everything everybody thinks about him, right? and he's pretty dysphoric on top of that, so when he changes for volleyball he does it away from everyone else. and because of that, he totally misses the explanation the first years got in his first year that bokuto is trans and WILL have his tits out in the locker room. so when akaashi finally comes out to bokuto, bokuto is like "...i am also trans? everyone knows that?" but akaashi did not know that

transfem akaashi is also beautiful, i love talking about her, and just imagine how scary pretty she'd be oh my god. i probably have other thoughts about her but this is already so long jfc

for osaaka!

i think my favorite dynamics for trans osaaka are: akaashi who has no experience with pussy and transmasc osamu who teaches him

and transmasc osamu and transfem akaashi - osamu constantly calls her babygirl

again, i could add so much more but this is so fucking long so I'll stop here, plus bex is gonna go on for so long too lmao

@emosuna

@winto-green (i'll have asanoya in another post!)

[floralbfs]

WIP Ask Game!

thank u anon!!!!

1: Summarize your WIP in 10 words or less.

orphan gains powers, gets adopted by alien, saves the world.

2: Post a line from your WIP with no context.

'There's a whoosh of air, and Leo suddenly hears a voice he never thought he'd ever be able to hear again.'

3: Does your WIP have a title? If so, explain its significance. If not, what are you calling it for now?

Okay so I have been calling it the Youtuber Superhero AU (because it started as a fandom au but then i made it an original!!) but I thought maybe it could be "Thicker than Water", since my MC, Leo, is an orphan and he lives alone for most of his life (most of his life lmao at least until canon point? read also: around 9-11 years when in canon he's like 19?) in a remote, lowkey magical place/dimension?, but ultimately he comes back to his hometown and creates a family for himself!!!! i won't give spoilers but, since i already said this, part of his found family is his adoptive dad, an alien who is also a superhero!! If not TtW, I would call it maybe,,,,, Moonstone???? at least the first book!!! (ooh, maybe TtW can be the series name and Moonstone the first book's name?) because Leo kind of gets his powers through a moon stone????? it's not actually moon stone; it was a strange rock he found in the magical dimension that seeked out a champion for the god Huitzilopochtli??? and the closest word Leo could get for it was Moonstone, because of its uhhhhh singular qualities!

4: Describe the setting of your WIP.

OKAY, this is a fun one!!! Leo's hometown is named Star Nova, idk why it just seemed cool, and it is a futuristic city!!! They don't follow capitalism Because I Said So, and they're really into, like, environmental stuff!!! So you'd see SO much flora all over the city kshdsjfh like those???? idk what they're called but like the towns overridden with plants? but controlled!!! There's a tiny percentage of the population (tho I still haven't decided if this is worldwide?? I have a way to make it worldwide but idk) who have superpowers, either due to "individual" factors (e.g Leo's powers are bc of the moonstone, and Matthew(his dad)'s powers are due to him being an alien!) or were affected by a weird experiment an Evil Corporation™ were doing; ECtm was trying out an illegal experiment that could alter living beings' genetics to their will, but it went wrong and their substance exploded and went airborne. Those who were working on it knew about its risks and toxicity, ergo they were wearing a special suit and weren't affected, but the gas contaminated and ??mixed?? with the air and spread to the nearest city, Star Nova (the unofficial capital of the Joint Pacific Nations) and affected a Whole Lot Of People!!! this all happened a while before canon, and the corporation got away with it bc they were filthy rich basically. Anyway, a lot of the people who were affected to the "virus" reacted negatively and died, some were uhhh """immune"""???, and a few Seemed to be immune but had actually had a successful celular-level bonding with the substance! It didn't do anything to them, but their children/grandchildren were born with physical or mental anomalies, also known as super powers (gasps)!!!! BUT!!! a lot of the story happens in the magical city of Coatl (it means serpent!), located within a pocket dimension somewhere inside the Mexican southern forest, where Leo finds himself when he's four years old, recently orphaned, guided by a magical ....bird....being....? he lives there for around eleven years, and he's granted Huitzilopochtli's Champion's power once he's like. Not A Baby lmao. Coatl is.... kind of like,,,,, an Olympus, I guess? Only those with like the destiny to find it know where it is, and they can lead other people there if it's for good causes! It's almost like a sentient city, and the Aztec gods kinda. chilled there???? my theory is that a lot of religious mythologies exist, at least in this universe, and they all co-exist on earth, or pocket dimensions inside of it!!! anyway, Leo lived there and was basically raised by gods???? and an AI???? bc i love AIs???? and uhhhh i think that got away from me ajdhsjdhsj does all of this even count as setting??? am i missing anything????

5: Search for the word “knife” in your WIP. If you find it, paste the line and explain the context.

no knives sadly :( i guess i haven't reached Those Scenes yet???? tho there should be one in the first chapter….. my wip document is just kind of very messy ajdhsjdjsjdh i might just have to make a new document????

6: Search for the word “dream” in your WIP. If you find it, paste the line and explain the context.

???????????? why am i not using any words?????????? sorry :/

7: What are you most proud of?

probably the worldbuilding and characters (at least those with superpowers? maybe i should say superpowers period)!!!!! they're very complex and thought-out????? and i THINK they're original!!!!! so!!!!! ＼(￣▽￣)／

8: What is your biggest challenge?

oooooof,,,,,,,, probably..... getting an actual plot lmao????? like i have an overall view of my would-be first and second books, but i don't know if they actually have enough to them to be written as they are?????? like… idk if the conflict is really like??? worthy to be a Main Conflict™????

9: How would you describe your writing style?

oooooooh uhhhhh maybe….. flowery prose???? i'm a poet at heart, so if i don't use loads of metaphors and language uhhhh idk their name in english but language variators??? i will literally die. but seriously nsjdhsjdhsjfh nothing too serious!!!! most of my “”””angst”””” scenes are….. not so sad, i think skfjsjfj

10: How would you describe your WIP’s narrative style? (1st person, 3rd person, multiple POVs, single POV, alternating chapters, etc.)

oh!!!! well, i think it'd be multiple povs, alternating chapters, third person???? i'm still not sure whether to use 1st or if i already have??? p sure that's a different wip i'm thinking about tho

11: Which character do you have the most in common with?

uhhhhhhhhhhhh seeing how underdeveloped she is right now??? probably Persephone???? bc she's genderfluid skfjsjfjdjfh or uhhhh Scott??? bc i too love leo with my heart and would die for him and stay with him in the afterlife. (hypothetically, of course….)

12: Which character do you have the least in common with?

Maeve, probably!!!! she's, uh…. Something.

13: Your characters are stranded on a deserted island. What happens?

They Are All A Mess. akfhajfjajfj Matthew would probably become the leader and like. establish order and shit???? but he's also the hugest nerd so he'd just give the leader role to someone else (probably seph staine?) and goes exploring and cataloging shit skfhsjfhdjf Leo is probably the most resourceful one of the bunch, so he would immediately like. start planning for huts and food and stuff???? also idk if they would have their powers in this situation cause it'd be too easy to get them all out of there????? but let's just say they do but the island is inescapable by flight?? he can talk to animals, so he could communicate with the local fauna and like form alliances???? Seph is a good leader, so he'd probably like….. keep everything in check???? and Leo's friends are all good and resourceful, so they'd make a good team!!!! tldr they basically create order immediately and do their best to not struggle??? after a few days/weeks, some of them start to like. break down? but the adults are like. wise and shit??? and i'm pretty sure at least one of them is like a licensed therapist??? so they help each other out uwu

14: Have you chosen birthdays for any of your characters? If so, when are they?

oh!!!! only for a few!!!! Leo and Maeve's birthday is on March 25, Scott's birthday is on August 27, Matthew doesn't really have a birthday??? because time is different in his planet????, Percy and Persephone's birthday is somewhere in November, and uhhhh im p sure that's all i got akfjsjfjsj i suck at birth dates

15: Do you know your characters’ MBTI personalities?

GOD, no. maybe i should do their tests???👀

16: What would your characters be for Halloween?

Leo… doesn't believe in/care for Halloween, as he didn't grow up around it, but it's totally Scott's jam!!! they are dirt poor in a good first half of the book, though, so they can't really dress up :( they met in the library, and after (spoiler alert!!!) scotty's death, Leo feels it appropriate to dress up as Scott's fave characters every year. Percy and Persephone are (very weak) shapeshifters, so their costumes ROCK!!!!! they always do matching costumes, so they get cliché pair costumes!! Matthew….. uh. he is… way too old for that. he was literally alive before Halloween was even a thing, so it's not really his thing. Leah just……. does her own thing??? she can see ghosts, so she sometimes does like historical costumes and stuff with their help!!! and Ben…. oof tbh that depends on what his fave song/album/whatev is at the moment??? he kinda creates like a story/aesthetic for them and dresses up that way!!!!

17: Does your WIP have any themes or motifs?

uhhhh found family, definitely!!!! i really can't think of any bc i'm an idiot, but uhhhh intelligence??? if that's a thing??? like,,, they're all powerful and shit but it's also like. brains over brawns????

18: What’s easier, dialogue or description?

i think description!!!! neither of them are… hard??? but!!! description is like…… where i can go hog wild akfjskfjsjfb

19: Post a picture or gif that describes your WIP.

20: Post a brief excerpt.

Leo @Leoberry

You asked, I answered. New Q&A video is now up!

[3k retweets, 10k likes, 9k replies] 20 min. ago

[My First Q&A- video transcription excerpt]

[Leo Berry, a nineteen-year-old brunette guy with green eyes, wearing a red shirt with a lightning symbol on it that's loose on his muscular form, waves at the camera and smiles widely, dimples showing up on his cheeks.]

Leo: Hey, guys. You've been asking me to do a Q&A for a while, and the day has finally arrived! I told you to ask me questions on Twitter with the hashtag #AskBerry, and I've picked a few!

[Leo smiles brightly and lifts up his cellphone.]

Leo: First off, here's one by @razzberry- nice username, by the way-: “what's your cat's name? Do you have more than one?”

[The video shifts, and there's suddenly two cats sitting on Leo's arms: a large, orange cat quickly falling asleep on his shoulder, and a black kitten hugged in his arms.]

Leo: I do! This little fella-

[He gasps as the kitten in his arms struggles to get free and runs off-camera.]

Leo: Don't leave me! Okay, that little fella is Onyx, and, as you can see, he doesn't like me very much. Anyway, this little gal asleep over here…

[He points toward a small orange cat sleeping on his shoulder.]

Leo: ...is Tigress! She's my little baby. You've probably seen her around a lot on my vlogs, since she really likes to hang out on my bed.

Leo: Next! @Honeybats asked: ‘“is it true your dad is Jade?”

[Leo smiles and, after a few seconds of trying to school his features, bursts out laughing.]

Leo: You mean to ask whether my dad is Matlal Jade, the greatest superhero of our era?

Leo: ...Well, yeah! My dad- [more laughs] my dad is totally my Jade. His name is Matthew, and I keep asking him to fly me to school. He says it's not funny!

[He sobers up for a second.]

Leo: Jokes aside, he adopted me a few years ago and he'll always be a superhero in my eyes. I was in a really dark place when he found me, and I can't thank him enough for all that he's done for me.

[Leo looks away for a second and loses his smile. The video cuts and skips again, and Leo appears once again, this time sporting an easy smile and a blue shirt, this one tighter around his shoulders.]

Leo: things got a bit too deep! This one was sent by @shazhangs: “are you dating anyone at the moment?”

[Leo laughs.]

Leo: God, no. I mean, I'm not really a people person, you know? And I’ve been so focused on work, vlogging, and, uh, extracurriculars, that I really haven't had any time to socialise.

[Leo laughs again.]

Leo: This one comes from @perspartone: will you collab with any other youtubers anytime soon?

Leo: Yeah, sure! I don't think I have done any videos with other people in the past, so it'd be a fun thing to do! I just have to find a friend first.

[Leo laughs loudly.]

[End of excerpt. For viewing of the video, refer to Leo Berry on Youtube, and find the full transcription here at DailyBerries in a few hours.]